Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - SXSW

Episode Date: March 18, 2013

A special episode of YKWD recorded backstage at the South By Southwest festival in Austin, Texas with guests Big Jay Oakerson, Nate Bargatze and Mark Normand.  RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Maú, a Madrid. You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what? in all your devices. Plus, don't forget to watch the new episode. I was there last week with Big J. Ocasin, Mark Norman, Matt Brunger, Aisha Tyler, the

laughbutton.com Gotham Comedy Club, Tune in, South by Southwest, Blue Microphone, they all came together, put this awesome show on, the the nasty show the Robert Kelly's nasty show really wasn't my show But I was the host, but way better than last year. It was awesome great time shows were great Last year was like a four-hour friggin nightmare. I had to close it out everybody was tired from running around seeing bands all day and barbecued drinking friggin homemade beer Some 21 21 year old made, with a three foot beard with no mustache, but uh, everybody out there looks like they fucking run moonshine, but they're all just hipsters playing the bands and they're badass motherfuckers, So it was a blast. Good times, had by all. I got to run around on the tech floor,

the convention floor of all the new tech coming out. Those videos we shot videos, so that's gonna be coming out with the tech doc. It was pretty amazing time. So after the show, the guys at the club, Esther's Follies actually let us hang out and do a YKWD. It was great. Everything was going great, around half hour in, dummy, put a 1GB memory card in my Zoom H4N, and it just shut down because I ran out of room. Rebacker, thank God from Creek

of the Cave, and the dude, I his name, that runs South by Southwest, actually came through. Out of nowhere, we had, you know, four mics, chords, plugs, and some podcasting box. I don't even know what the fuck it is to this day, just a box that you've podcasted on, and they saved the day, so we got to finish out the show. It was real fun. It was me, Big J, Mark Norman hung around, and one of my favorites of all time, Napar Gatzi, who moved to L.A. He's just so quick-witted, funny, and conversational. It was good. There's a bunch of stories,

some, you know, some ball bus and of course, but a lot of fun. Good podcast, I hope you enjoy it. Again, if you have any questions, you have any critiques. Good ones, not bad ones. Don't be a dickhead. Dude, I think you should shut the fuck up. You want somebody on the show?

Email me at ykwd, at riotcast.com. Make sure you go to riotcast.com, check out all the other shows. It's, you know, really fun to be doing these for you guys. I'll be like these intro's, and if you don't, go fuck yourself. You piece of shit. Nobody cares, cause it's my show. Good. Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn.

This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Leary. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Leary. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Chrysler. Staying cooking, you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what, dude? You know what, dude? If you bippy by a if you bippy boo,

dippy dippy dhyah, you have a dabbadoo. Dude! This is Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what, dude? You know what, dude? You know what, dude? I'm just trying to stick it, stick it. You know what, dude? I'm just trying to stick it, stick it.

You know what, dude? I'm just trying to stick it, stick it. You know what, dude? I'm just trying to stick it, stick it. I'm just trying to stick it. I'm just trying to stick it. We're here at the You know what dude podcast? Doing this live from South by Southwest. We just got done with the show. So I got big J. Big J so who fucking annihilated tonight? No, yes tell me more you annihilated a fucking Bola pasta

We got neighbor Gatsy What's up, dude? I did not annihilate tonight you did not but you you fucking You weren't on our show. I was a pretty good hang I thought you were great First show was real good second show was not really was outside No shit, and I was scared of the interstate Where I was like a few blocks from here. What's called bangers? No good, it was out. It was just outside and

No one could hear I mean crushed it. I tell you this any gig outside just fucking Below generally speaking. Oh, yeah, it fuck They never it's never a good idea not at night and not at a festival Not when people have been drinking since 9 a.m. How about Russell Peters live at Wembley? Probably I don't want people to be drinking since 9am. How about Russell Peters live at Wembley? Still a lot. Did he rip the deal? Probably. Oh. Live at Wembley.

Live at Wembley? That's what's in South by Gag. No, no, yeah. My gig was not a South by Gag. My gig was the... You did a not- Then you can't do this podcast. I've done South by Gag.

What the fuck do you get up? South by Sella doesn't even know I'm here, by the way. They go. They do know you're here, by the way. They do. They do know you're here. No, this way, yeah, this was not every other, every gig I've had. That's been, South-Based Sela's been, uh, unreal. What, unreal as an awesome? They've all been awesome.

They've all been great. I can't believe it even happened. I will. I can't believe I'm here. I'm a little, uh, first of all, I did it last year here. And I have to say, this year, way fucking better. Didn't I, yeah I did it last year here and I have to say this year way fucking better The last year? Yeah, I mean last year was fun, but it was a little crazy I mean I think it was like a some crazy long show but people were tired people get tired

I'm fucking tired my feet are tired you said you said it was immediately better because there was no gulman and soda Yeah, you said me confidence Not a sure I'll say it on the air. Absolutely right. We're not actually not gone. Not Goldman. I love the soda. I love the soda.

Yeah, soda. Soda's a burden. I'll tell you why this one was good. First of all, it just comes off as not a joke when it just moves on right away. Soda's a burden. What do you guys say now? He's a burden on the show.

He's too much to carry. Continue with your point, though. He's actually last year was a little crazy. This year we did two shows. They were started on time and did on fucking time. Everybody did their time. It was the way it should be. And I like the theme, nasty show.

It was, it was kind of cool. I think it puts everybody in the mindset and not to go, ooh, they can be a little touchy-feely sometimes at festivals. Don't you want it to be just like a regular shirt? Like it's like nasty show, but you're like, this is how I want you to act all the time. Right. You have to go, it's nasty, just so you can be normal. And because otherwise they're going to be like, oh, ah, right, right? No? I agree with you. I don't do blue comedy. I do clean stuff. I'm on a CMT quite a bit.

What's it? CMT coming to the stage? CMT coming to the comedy stages? Comedy stage? Comedy stage. Comedy stage. That's when they thought I worked. I was in the green room. Who holds that? Dolly Parton. No, the girl she's on Reba reba a mac and tires show that host it But they thought I worked for CMT all the other comics just thought I worked for CMT They had no idea I was a comic really why cuz I just said in there and they were confused unlike they would just ask me to get Them stuff because you have quarter-roy fucking suit jacket on with a below tie You want wearing a fucking look time you want wearing a fucking rodeo belt buckle the Fox worthy collection This was 1987

So it all makes sense to do all those little weird shows man the Lewis Gomez by the way, and I know we always say it on this podcast Thank God he exists what a person that will just do the most bizarre shit and just like out of the blue Can't believe he did it stuff. That guy, we talked about a while ago, that guy, I don't wanna say his name because it's not like positive stuff about him. No, but Justin. Now this guy did this TV show Who Got Jokes,

he did a set on it. Okay. And it's two parts online, you can watch it. It says World's Worst Committee on Who Got Jokes. I've seen it. And the guy, it's like two videos of him eating shit and then he goes out in second time and it's each even more and he gets judged by these judges who were just awful right but they just make him feel how he just it's a

complete it's like watching a fucking nightmare come to life right and but apparently this dude I just heard from people I don't know I can't confirm myself I've heard he's like kind of weirdly cocky and like talking to young combs and saying how long he's been doing it and how he's a thing or whatever this the evidence and On Kurt Metzger's Facebook. There was a back and forth going on about like Can I just add love Kurt Metzger? Him and on his Facebook. I wish it was a TV show It loses it. I mean loses it, but he's so smart. He's so... He has the time to just go into it. He has the hours of daylight and nighttime to just attack these people the way they should

be attacked. Like I do it, I'll just go, everything, all the grandma's fucked up, all the words are fucked up. I've got to run up by my wife seven times and stuff fucked up. You know what I mean? And then she's like, maybe you shouldn't do this and she talked me out of it, revamped it. But it's time you check the grammar any time you start going, this is probably too much. Yeah, no, Kurt totally just fucking laid in these people.

So Metzger is whatever hammering something though, it was about the thing about Kev being in a dress on us and I don't know and all that bullshit right. Why people, first of all, back up. People are mad that little Kev was in a dress. Yeah, look, no, I don't know, a huge sect of's just, here's the thing, it always does go back to. I think there's a bunch of things about that. Here's the thing about Shepel. Shepel is great, I think he's fantastic.

He said that, he said a comment a few years ago, he goes, bad Hollywood, he goes, always want to get a niggin' address. That's what he said. So, and now the people is kind of, it's like, yeah, there's things like, big mom and stuff, some Tyler Perry and all these, but it's like, 40 gazillion white people

on big dresses, it's comedy, it's good. Hang on a second. Mark, you want, can we move that so Mark can sit down on that little seat? You see it there? No, it's not even plugged in. I would love to just let that there. You know what, can we leave that there and Mark will stand?

Yeah, Mark, this mic right here is you. We can hear you. Okay, good. Thank you. So on Kurtz Facebook. Actually, Leonard, a little boy, is you we can hear you. Okay. Good. Thank you. So on Kurt's Facebook Actually, Lynn and a little boy mark. Let me hear. Hey, that's too much. Oh, all right. Oh my god dial in the back right there. There we go. Let's such a deep voice I got so medsker is a medsker is going back and forth about the thing and And this particular comic from who got jokes clip

Right something about reading something or whatever and Lewis just China's first time as he goes I didn't even know black people could read Where's my So go Lewis acts like he's black a lot of times. Yeah, it's sad stuff That's like it wasn't that good. That wasn't that big. It was funny. He was trying to be I've had people email me like hey man Enough is enough Louis Cas's on the show. And he was like, really, it's not funny what you're saying

about Jews, and I'm offended. For Louis? Yeah, look at his Facebook. Really? Yeah. I mean, really, but no, he wasn't like, I want to take it a court and see you. Right.

But he was like, dude, it's not funny. Well, dude, this is better when Louis does. So the guy, I'm just going to spice up. Your stories go way too long. Yeah, no, I agree. I need to pay all solid though. I they always do Jay stories, but there is a time thing people just can't listen to you Yammer I have to jump in every once in a while with details. Why is the two main organization right now? We're doing it's actually a four man, but yes, well, you know, two men are really leading this

True I don't think this microphone's on this guy. I don't think this microphone's on. So the guy that comic from the H.H. on that who got jokes and writes something back where he goes like he goes hey Lewis, why don't you try and say something like you know smarter intelligent about the conversation rather than just making a juvenile attempt at making like a very you know corny like joke or something like that. And Lewis just writes back, I don't say his name, so he just makes it right. And he goes, really dude and just posts, he goes, really dude and just posts the clip one in the comments of that guy eating shit on that who got jokes thing. So then the guy, private message Lewis, that was kind of like, that was never good.

Yeah, but it's not like it's, he's like, alright, no one else likes private messages like, uh, she's great. That DM, you're like, nobody ever had one on the mailbox. Like, it's a terrible. Yeah, it's a historical is that he's called it. And you almost think like when you hear that, you're like, always going to like really rip in the Lewis and be like, Hey, motherfucker, you want to fight or whatever, whatever. He writes back. He says hey, he's not some dirt on me But you know, I just want to talk to you about because he knows that Lewis has part two in his pockets

I haven't even done it yet I mean put it again. It's the worst one. That's the whole range it gives him a negative one Big J story is always Give some negative ones. Big J-Store is always bad. Takes a long time to get there. I had Louis' journey. Louis opened for me at a college a long time ago. And I told him, on the way there, he acts like I didn't tell him.

And I told him, I was like, he knows I'm clean. So I was like, just try to be like, you know, you're just doing 10 minutes, dude. Because you just be like somewhat like just the cleaner. And Louis is always like, I'm doing more clean jokes now I'm like And he goes up obviously he's not clean He just makes fun of like I don't know whatever calls out all the black kids all these college kids They get offended we I do this show we get done they act like it's cool

They write a letter the next day they wrote a letter, school wrote a letter to everybody in the college goal. We want to apologize for the show last night. It got out of control, but I told them that I had nothing to do with Lewis being on my show. And they wrote it and they said the headliner had no idea Lewis was even going to be on the show. I just, I just seen back Lewis and I was like, I was like, I'll write a letter against him. If you want me to, I don't even care if I got this, I'll shout out to the whole school. We were telling this podcast about Lewis and the side of the road.

You've heard of this story. No, I've heard this. It was me, Vecchion, Lewis and Nate with Providence. Rhode Island. Yeah, I was Rhode Island out and we're driving back No, it's still smoke cigarettes at the time and Nate, you know, it doesn't really let you smoke this car We were 95 on pretty much dead stock traffic Real bad jam so I go Nate can I just like hang my body at the window or like you know my head at the window and like smoke a cigarette

It's illegal to hang your body out of it. Yeah, not my body But my all right, yeah, just like is Ririan was in the back window and we hang on Quizz legs, that's a hanging a fucking an AC out the window without any Bracket. I think it's gonna go. I have a saying at the time there's a comic who was paralyzed in Boston. He used to write his jokes on his legs, his dead legs on his pants, like literally on dead legs on his pants like literally on his legs I'd write it on his pants. He just always his act would be all over his jeans all the time He just lifts his leg up and goes. Yeah, no one's gonna call him

He felt he fell out of a window emptying a fish tank and it pulled him out and he snapped his neck This bar in a this bar in a broader was he paralyzed before then no it was paralyzed from that wait So he was doing good before then he was doing great no he wasn't a comic He was doing great and then he fell out of window because he was emptying a fish tank it dragged him out Because it was too heavy and this guy brought him on stage once the owner of this bar that we would do and he goes Why don't you just let go of the fish tank stoping? Give it up from I'm hoping. Give it up from that day. He's gonna cost $12,000.

Oh, man. Who's that? Was that Jonathan Katz? No, it was something I just had his name. I just said his name. Matt Davis. Oh, man. He's funny. Yeah, he's on. Oh, he's in a wheelchair. How funny could you be?

He died a 20 years ago. So I don't know. Are there any funny wheelchair companies? Dude, I had a whole conversation. I'm gonna sound like an asshole. I really get to know it when severely handicapped people do comedy. I'm gonna get annoyed by it. Really? Why?

I think it's like a weird just like in the wave. You're never going to get genuine crap out of it. What did you call it? It's a cop out. I don't think it's a cop out. I wouldn't describe it as a cop out other than it's like what genuine reaction are you ever going to get from it? a cop out. Come on. I don't think it's I wouldn't describe as a cop out other than it's like What are you what genuine reaction are you ever going to get from it all right? Exactly? What are you ever gonna get do I saw me and Dave Smith were in when the drill comes out of your mouth and they go literally They they have this guy at the Wilbur Mike night. It's open Mike night God

They have to move a table in the front of the room They have a table they have to move tables and they sit in the front of the stage. He's one of those like, really, you don't have no idea what he's saying. Right. To listen for the rhythm of a punch line in a rhythmless thing. And you sit there and you go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, everyone just goes, it's like, so it's like, this is like, this is a fucking here. Like, this is something from Africa tells you comedy. It's just a mission. I haven't done a fucking here. Like, listen to this. He's doing it from Africa tells comedy. It's just a big issue. They should type it.

They have to type it. If you had to type it on there. Me and Billy had this South African roommate. He was at landlord. That's people screaming on time. And he lived with you? He was the landlord. He had the apartment.

And so is y'all, you are in the same apartment? Me and Billy and this guy, Akeen, but he had this crazy accent. I mean, we're going to, Akeen, but he had this crazy accent. Well, I was going to, I mean, I was going to, I don't wanna hold a hockey. And we didn't know what he said for three years. But he would go, he would laugh. He would talk to us, he'd be like,

oh, it's going to my heart, go up more as you're not on my bicycle. And he'd go, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I was like, what the fuck did he say? I was in a drunk conversation there's a lot right away from the go. I go, ah! I was in a contest once, so I had to go up against a girl. We've had like this great story. You heard this? You did a small, but yeah.

Oh jeez, yeah. I had to go up against a girl who had like those crutch things, because her legs were flaccid. And it was like one of those rounds things, where he had one minute. So I go up I go on the stage I have to help her come up It takes like four minutes to get her up the stairs of the stage and everything and the whole crowd just like oh

Jesus is gonna be weird and so what can I say you know, I'm just like all right mark you're up first and I go Well, let's be honest. I have no chance here and that does well enough and her jokes were so bad that she lost And then you lost the next week to I lost the next week to a keem I think Was it over just like through 30 bucks? You saw that you saw the cab home we cried off There wasn't it wasn't a guy with an accent that he lost to yeah, I Mean I made it pretty far. How far?

I got third overall. Oh, you know. Mike Veckey, you know what I'm saying? Mike Veckey. The joke tonight, again, we were doing this live from South by Southwest. We did the nasty show. Nate didn't do it, but I'm glad he's here.

It's been a long time since you've been on the show. You know, Mark fucking killed. Oh, hey, the hot crowd. Came out of the fucking gate. And to be honest with you, I had people, who is it? Soda. Actually, when I said you're on the show, he was like, he's not even nasty. He's not even dirty.

But I was like, you don't have to be dirty. You can see. Soda, I can still do that. I'm always fucking on my gays. Yeah, Soda really, you want to see what he's on here. He's not a geese. He may be your biggest enemy. What's it called the voices show? Oh What do you say that for me?

This is bad neighborhood. This is bad fucking friendship No, he was kidding, but he You you're fucking you're just despicable I mean you jokes are fucking I mean they come out of nowhere like Matt Brown or two yeah funny guy he was fucking great that joke what do you say what's that joke about fucking the baby oh what was that my kids I fucked my kids boo wait I like kids everybody went huh and they went, wait, don't I guess? That's pretty much it. Great vines, too. I always the best on, if you want to watch Vine Will Sassow and Matt Bronner of the best on Vine,

I would really like to see them both have a TV show, but just for six seconds. Yeah, I mean, no more than that. But the show was great. Great show. Hey, she was really nice, too. And she, this is what I love about comedy, is that you could go up and take a hot one. She had to go up after Jay, which...

Really, man. You fucking... That's a fantastic reaction. What? Jay, I don't think she saw your set. So you were just talking about like black pubes and fucking... No, she did. She went up like covered all of her top right yeah yeah all of her striper well here it is though is that you go up and you take a hit for a couple minutes but then you slowly wean them the fuck over right and you get them listening to you and all of a sudden they're laughing at your shit and then you can go okay I got you here's 10 minutes and I'm out. Bye bye. You know, to go up after you, a lot of people would have died.

You've, you know, checked those pretty easy, Q off the ass like bitches, you, your mother fuckers want your dick sucked and you got, you know, chicken coming pretty easy. She didn't do that. We talked about how Freya sister, not much of a caboose. Oh, I should tell you.

Pretty disappointed by that. Really? That's our walk up. I was like, here it comes. And you got past me. And I just know. I'm very happy with that. I like you.

With every episode of Friends She Did, she lost a little bit of her brother. I met her before she was even in right when she started comedy had to be fucking god. Wait, she does comedy had to be fucking God. Wait, she does comedy? We did years ago before she was famous. When you were on talk soup? No, I was at Dublin with Jay Davis trying to get a spot.

You know, trying to get on before Dane. Yeah, at Dublin. You need to go up in an annihilate in front of fucking Justin Timberlake and Beyonce. And then they bring me up up and all those people leave. Yeah, they always. This is after the HBO thing or before that. Before. She actually gave me a,

remember those little mints, the little thing she put in the outsourced strips. Yeah, when they first came out and she blew me away. She was like, here, won't one? I was like, what is it? It's a little piece of rice paper. It's like 1099.

Space mouth watch. No, things were not of it. You acted like it was 1985. That's all you were about to do on the floor. And then you just named eight things that was like, there's no way that was before. Are you a terminator? Take this down, you fucking ape.

What I gotta keep telling you how to talk to a microphone for. It's pretty far from my face. All right, keep it right here. Well, don't do this, because then it blows out. Well, we're doing all the work terminator. Yeah, but you yell and I'm listening. But you know, I'm put loose in the show in the cadence though terminator should have went up. And then I do it, do it up, but don't go too far. Well, what is she a terminator? Yeah, you're right. You know what? You're right. Let's do a couple more and then we're

in. I let's try one more time, but closer with them, I get the end. What are you? You a terminator? That's it right there. No, don't touch your lips with it. I know Latia last said Lisa by that he said Ah, geez keep it going for Lisa turtle Everybody's like can you explain that because I didn't get it either. I didn't now I don't know who Lisa Turtle is. I'm 42 Just missed it. What was right before this HBO this store you were telling Before breath right I got a unique call me out of my shit

It was rice paper that was been in five years ago, maybe. No, they weren't. They were outspotting. Breathless had disappeared in your mouth. They had that in the 90s. In 2000. 2000. Cause they're clearly post-1911. They had them in 2000. So I saw Stephen Wright's tonight show and then I put a birthright strip in. But Lisa Turtle was like, you can talk right there. Okay, the black girl and saved by the bell. Okay, that's she was also in that witch movie too. Am I lying? I don't know. Focus, focus. It's the only witch movie. I don't know. Well, that in witches. No, that's actually too. No, the witch movie with the three-hop girls. Oh, who wasn't she in the craft? I don't think that was that was another blacky. Yeah, another one We are in Texas

Yeah, but everybody local flavor everybody did great tonight, which I was excited and I'm so glad they had two shows Yeah, one long one. I think last year was a four-hour show and two shows and one long one. I think last show was a four hour show. And people could come and go. Oh, that's never good. And then I had to go up last after Doug Benson and Gary Gullman and then me. It was fucking a nightmare.

If you were my first year real quick. As it was cool too, it did like a four hour show. It was great. It was pretty fresh. Yeah, it was great. Yeah. You guys got to make the excuse why it didn't go as great as he hoped to.

I mean, they were just tired, you know, they're tired. People got shit to do tomorrow. Was there other comments on the show? Yeah, there was a whole other, like Pete Holmes was on, there was a whole other show before. There was actually, and then, and it was, it was like, they were just killing it on that show.

Like, oh my god, maybe, you know, maybe it's just a wrap for us. We're not, I don't do colleges anymore, maybe I shouldn't do festivals anymore. All right, here is it is. If I fuck this up, I don't care. I don't care if I mumble, if I make a mistake, I've done this 19 times, and it's not,

I'm not doing it again. It's late, I have to go to bed, I press tomorrow, at five in the morning. So if I'm a doing it again. It's late. I have to go to bed. I press tomorrow at 5 in the morning So if I'm a mush mouth go fuck yourself. I don't care. Don't email me. Don't tweet me. There you put I don't But other than that Come see me live Come see me do my comedy live Do my stand up come see me do my stand up if you like the show

If you like the podcast come see me live if you already see me live, you know I'm fucking funny grab some friends Let's do it again March 22nd 23rd this month Comedy connection at Rhode Island. I've never been there on a weekend I've only been there on a Thursday one show. So let's pack this place out. Get your friends, tell everybody. Don, can you not make, she don't talk. Shut up. Oh, fuck me. Shut up, stop talking.

Just stop it. By closing your lips together. March 27th, 28th, 29th, and 30th. I'm fucking excited to announce this gig. Hilarities in Cleveland. I haven't been back to Cleveland in two and a half years. Maybe three years. I think I was skinny the last time I was in Cleveland.

That's right, I went to a Jimmy John's and that's where it all started. That's where I started, you know, just going downhill. I had two Jimmy John's number fives. I was like, fuck it, I'm getting fat again. So I'm coming back, I'm very excited to work this club. I've heard nothing but great stuff about it over the years. So make sure Cleveland fans spread the word.

The, it's March 27th through the 30th. and then I'm going to April, Bloomington Minnesota is in Minnesota, right? Shut up. I'm talking to myself House of Comedy. I'm there for a fucking I don't need 19,000 shows So just go to Robert Kelly live.com Go there look at my tour dates. Stop asking me when I'm coming to your town. Don't tweet me, dude, you come, go to my website. I paid a lot of money for it, it's unbelievable. Hit tour dates, then you see when I'm coming. I'll get my app, that's free, that's amazing.

On iTunes, has my tours, has a Google Maps of my head, it's really cute and fun. I'll go to riotcast.com, all three of those, free and out there for you. I spend thousands of dollars on this stuff and it's for you to be so it's easy for you to come see me. All you have to do is click a button, so go to that, robacadelive.com, click on my tour dates, come see me live, spread the word bitches. Alright, here's what happened, back here on the You Know What Dude podcast, I'm going to, I'm an ape, I'm the tech king, the guy who, I know everything you do, I know about technology. I forgot, that's decad, that's not working.

But I have the beginning of the podcast on this and I'll, I'll drive them both together. Robert Kelly, the self-proclaimed King of Tech. I fucking, I brought a three gigabyte tech SD card. I fucked up. I fucked up. Do you think Michael Jackson would done the equivalent of that to pop music? He was the King of Pop. I am. I fucked up. But thank God that every, I mean, literally, I've never seen the nicest people in the world showed up and and We were alone nobody was here and then all of a sudden the best people in the world showed up and We were running it off of Asians. We're running enough to a flux capacitor that they found We get 88 miles per hour this podcast no, man

No, no, we didn't lose no man He's here waiting for a microphone and if you have anything funny to say please take the mic from Jay Shana na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na So we're back We got another mic coming from from mark right now. Where were we Jay? Told you to remember I told you right away that I didn't know Keep keep watch your levels dating cripples and comedy yeah, hating cripples and comedy Well, here's the thing with on that subject while I was fresh in my head. Yes. Oh great Do you think I get the inspirational story of triumph? You my new favorite person the triumph of everything? Can we just applaud her right now everybody? Thank you so much?

Can we just applaud her right now everybody? Thank you so much. You nailed it. Not a bad cleavage. The Creek and the Cave. But everybody goes to now. Yeah, that's where our podcast is. Legion of Skates is done. Everybody, I mean, Collins, everybody's there.

Yeah. You saw Joe DeRosa. Did he? He went there? Yeah, everybody goes there. I, you know, I filmed Joe List. Joe List goes there? I love Joe List.

But there's Joe DeRosa go there. No, Joe list the but there's Joe to Rosa go there Not welcome What that's how he ults it up What a jackoff Number's one through twenty right pick Right pick a number and now I'll do that. You know, I love the Rosa and I've never heard a story about him That's made me love him more only less only Joe throws me love my little less Jokes or stories I'm fucking rip his sweater and half I know he's wearing a sweater that day. I know

it's gonna fit right. He really, he really, he really, he really, he really, he really tightened up those dark dungeries. Joe, Joe wants to move to Brooklyn because that's his last shot. What a fault. Yeah, he really tried to hang with me, burp, but trees. He tried to be our pet. We shunned them. What a walk and talk and cut.

Yeah, he tried. Yeah. He really weaseled his way. And I was now is. She's crying. Why do you like Joe? Of course she does. Oh, she fit. What? What? Please say that's not true. She picked number seven. Seven. She saved the day. Thank you. She's great. Rebecca. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha what this is somebody actually said that me bird like with club comics what is that you know corny blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Alright fuck you seriously Right still humps. Yeah, yeah, you can't do that because you're sitting on it. I know I do it to stop myself from Humping my instincts are to hump that stool. I got sit on it. Keep this right here right there Come on you motherfucker. It but honestly God. What is the fucking?

What is a club comic I don't know I've heard that several times times I think it's retarded Can you can you get on the mic for a second can I ask you a question this because I've heard about this club Now what's a Accomedy theater comedy theater. We're a development space. We're a development space. We don't have a drink, minimum, or a spa. We try to make it easy for the artist to see what they want to do. I was listening to her because this is interesting to me, but I didn't hear what you said. That's very early stages of development. what you said what do you say oh cross country burn across country burn that

was a seven-stay mother fucker so you've part owner to get my name up How much does it cost to do that? What if I give you 200? Can I say something though? I went to a new club up in Harlem. The theater. And I walk in. I didn't want to do it. I get too comfortable at the seller.

And if I'm not, you know, whatever. I don't really play that many other clubs. But they got me to do it. I go up there and I walk in. It's this fucking amazing bar they have a a movie going on in one room then they have a uh... jazz band sold out show over three hundred people in other room and then there's this

comedy room and there's three theaters no no no it's packed out uh... and then they have this restaurant and it's this weird fucking cool vibe and it's not the chicken wings and the comics that never ever gonna play this club ever big huge fucking photos in a mall. It was this cool vibe. People walked in and they're listening. There's no, yeah, there's nothing in the hands, maybe a thing of wine or something. And it was a blast. So I love that, shit.

I love when they start changing it up. I like playing those rooms on the road. It's a Friday and Saturday. White show. White show. Thank you. Well, here's the thing though. You said wine at Thursday.

You'll go do a club and you'll do six shows. But if you add out the money, you're making more money just a Friday and Saturday at one of these other rooms doing four shows, you're keeping your dignity, people that are showing up are actually there to listen to comedy and see something different. And the people that are there before you

during the week are the ones building the clientele that come on the weekend. I don't know if this makes sense, but this is my brain it does. They're the ones that are teaching the audience how to behave. So, you understand? Like the weekday guys? Look, I look, I went to a side splitters in fucking Knoxville Tennessee I'll never go back it was the Wild West and they would they were like we're trying to teach the audience how to behave go ahead I went there I was driving through killed crowd listening the whole time fantastic left what

smart humor come What smart humor? We're just could I just say that we're talking into some box right now. We don't even know if this is working Is there a time is it is the time moving? Yeah, we're gonna we're gonna get this on a mini disc full-blown laser this is as you'll be 75 terabytes I hope you guys hold on to your CD players we got it go ahead I don't. Why, socks? you're trying to get to the other bed Go ahead Right Hosting

Right he does a joke. He has a t-shirt where he says joke about saying like they should make a bubble gum that takes like pussy and Then they should call it Coochie fruit and Here's a yellow t-shirt with a juicy fruit. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah That guy's hosting the line to buy those t-shirts. Yeah, yeah, that's why I don't let them sell I don't let them sell t-shirts I reef I Go fuck yourself. I don't give a shit I won't let you fucking sell a t-shirt and I'm not like if you're a fuck go If you have to tell that joke to sell the t-shirt

He has no choice for the next 30 years to sell that fucking he'll never become anything because he has to tell that He cannot evolve because he needs to sell that fucking he'll never become anything because he has to tell that he cannot evolve because he needs to sell that fucking t-shirt Bobby Bobby in line by the way Less last time I open for Bobby Lesson for Bobby maybe send back a whole crate of my big J. Nation t-shirts today. It's sent out to fucking sell the show now Big J Nation, oh, you you wanna hear a fucking great, how much sucks to tell a cell T-shirt story? Oh, good.

Nate comes out with me to Edmonton, right? And they go bring merch. I'm almost clamoring the get merch. Edmonton. Edmonton comics the comic strip. Okay, yeah. In that mall. I know where the fuck it is.

They go bring merch. It's not a real auction. Can I just tell you what it is up there? They think they're allty. But they're not. con bolotea la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectolarismos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desesperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelas de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Y es literalmente... Y ha hecho un diálogo.

Era un diálogo de f******, pero he hecho los escritos, así que he pensado que era un tipo de malo y interesante. ¡Sí! was a fucking dick joke but he added roller skates so we thought it was kind of alty and interesting just do the dick joke and it would have been funny it's hack it's hacky alt halt halt comedy Chuck Norris well what is my Chuck Norris chunk wait let me let me say What is my Chuck Norris chunk? Wait, let me let me say

Dude fucking I have my flaming wallet You know you know he gave I'm gonna buy a flaming wall He yeah, he's this would it. This is why I let him sell it first of all I like the kid and this comic from Boston he had Tom Dustin he had flaming wallets And he goes do you mind if I sell my flaming wallets after the show that and i go why the fuck do you have flaming

i go did you write the joke and then by the flaming wallets he goes now i i found out what was the financially the best the most money i can make off a product and then I wrote a joke around that product and Flaming wallets I can buy for the cheap and make the most money on it So that's why I have it. I go you know what dude? You can sell your fucking flaming wall because this is not about creativity

This is not about being funny. This was literally about paying your fucking rent If you literally if you if you stay in like road like road city local comedy too long it's just going it's it becomes that it's kind of gross it's really gross I had a guy check this out I had a guy when I first started headlining like outside clubs um at I forget a Selling Shit Yone. I forget was it Riddles Comedy Club in Chicago. Oh yeah, I remember that. So I, I'm talking about headlining. I did the,

I went, that's not a pure laziness. I did this, I walked in, they had a host, they had two middleers. And I guess the other guy that was middleing was spoke. No. You're right.

You're right. He says, I'm your father's sister's son. Who is he? He's your son. So I can't stand any of you guys. So the guy comes in and he walks walks and he literally looks me up and down He's like blonde good-looking cocky attitude looks me up and down puts his guitar down and walks by me Shakes the owner's hand and then goes this is your headline. He goes. Oh, hey. How you doing and walks out right?

That's the intro this dick gives me Fucking not to fucking fuck guitar right that's the intro this dick is me fucking not to fucking talk about now getting and such as like this guy goes up many y'all's at the uh... middle the the mc yells at him and says you fucking you fucked up my intro because he didn't say colleges around the country which he which he doesn't play by the way he just a clubs in the country

what a prick clubs and colleges are the country we'll solve so i come off stage i have my city that i've worked so hard fifteen years to come up with this shit just the time i'm just i worked i wanted to be a headliner i wanted to sell a city legitimately

this was my show this is my city please buy this if you like my show and finally your master richoss, would have respect you. That would be a sigh of ease after the show. Fan about like a debit card. It's a Patrisso Neal benefit. Yeah, but he'd let me... I got two kids. He'd understand.

I hold them out like Chinese fans. I hope people buy them. So, I come out, I have my CD, and then all of a sudden, I look, there's three T-shirts, two DVDs, and a CD. And I go, what the fuck, what I turn, I go, well, who's this? And he goes, mine, and he's in front of me. He goes, T-shirt CDs, people lining up,

buying all his shit, and then they stop at me. I don't have any more money. I really want to buy yours. couple people like can I return the This DVD so I can get his I was so fucking mad. He said no Nope Non-refundable motherfucker enjoy I It's long-winded, but there's a point You know I'm like Jay Jay I'm like Jay don't

turn on me get to your point I jump in the dome I jump in between and punch it up you guys just leave me hanging out here on a fucking raft well this has been a whole 20 minute punch up to the end of me and Nate selling my shirt we're getting back to you right after this. Anyway, I work really hard in the city to eventually come out. So I know I told them I go I went back and I think I go you can't do you you I'm a cue music guitar. I said no music you have to tell jokes. And I go you can't you have to sell you CDs in the parking lot And then the guy goes like this goes where do you want your photo? I went over to the wall and I found his photo I ripped it I ripped it off with all my might because and I threw it I go right here and my photo is up

With that kid's photo is and that's the story You're just a fucking asshole this guy. He bombed the rest of the weekend too. He took a hot one. Because he had no jokes. He had songs. But there were shit songs. There were fucking shit. It says you.

Me. Oh, they were bad. But his jokes suck so bad. And then the kid brought him up every show. He plays clubs and colleges. I bet two weeks later Bobby was singing one of those guitar songs in his head going like, it's actually pretty good. I tried. I actually I bomb so bad at a show once that I started making up songs. My style. That's your instinct to freestyle too.

Yeah, dude, I started. I got to get to guitar. Wait, before I went to the thing that thing that made me think, and they Please do please stop ridiculous a fucking Christ they go bring they go bring merch because they sell merch You like a ton no but so Justin silver came into me to get shirts made T-shirt So I'm already against the I hate it just in silver. Yeah, he we mean Nate Nate helps me we drag was it a dog shirt? No, it was it was it was even more pretentious like me it was awful when did he become a when did he become a dog shirt? No, it was even more pretentious. It was like me, it was awful. When did he become a dog guy, by the way? I don't remember. Always, he always was. When CBS let him know.

When CBS let him know. You're a dog guy, this is 1997. I'm Jamie Mossada. What? You're gonna get a deal, kid. You're a dog guy. Dude, I never tried to sell T-shirt after this moment. Me and the other, it's already going bad.

20 shirt dollars for a shirt, it's going bad bad 20-charts hours for a shirt it's going bad You jovy right Cuz he ain't got to break the bill nobody has a five right so everybody has a 20 It would yeah, but we wait for 20 whatever we sort of few but here's the thing what what happens before square and all that stuff Yeah, so I'm my shirt and this guy came up. This is the worst feeling ever He goes, uh, yeah, let me get a two shirts a medium in a large and I go, oh, yeah sure absolutely like giving to him And he gives me a card And I go, oh, I don't have a credit card thing buddy

I go but if you want there's an a tm right literally right next to us yeah i go and it's a tm right there that he just like taps the car the table looks to be the face of like and just walk and he's walked away didn't much to say another word and i was like he went to go to a credit card machine from wanting to to not like i can't deal with that kind of like which is something there's nothing more humiliating for a comic merchant and to have to go through and find a fucking large

t-shirt just um I got small immediate now ex out hang on um hang on once I okay here oh and they're all you got to roll them back up again so they should let me I got a roll them back up again Let me I fucking hate what we've become on the road and I know that certain guy Dude I got a compensate for my no you don't you get funnier become a headliner and then you paycheck gets better That's how it works. That's how works. You don't get the Celtic shirts. Oh, I could I could use the money for I could I could say I could why I can't calm no look at I could you can sell a t-shirt if it's a theme show or something like we saw posters at Patrice's thing We made over $20,000 extra for you know Danny Ross from ONA who's no longer with ONA I got together with him again

on posters I love gig posters they're fucking cool I did one for my when I did my YKWD at Gotham and they they people love them they're they're it's it's art it's a fucking artist creating something and then you and then actually silks reigning it by hand numbering it signing it there's only a hundred May we got 400 made for Patrice's thing we I took 10 of them out of those two different kinds and we all signed them they sold for over five hundred dollars a piece. What? Yeah dude. Because this is the thing it's fucking art there was only four hundred made a hundred of the gold if you got one of those you got one you'll never you can't just go get one again so whoever has them has them. Bill Burr's autograph was four hundred dollars worth of it and then Bobby and the rest filled the other hundred. We should have got Patrice's mother's side.

Fucking nine thousand dollar. Yeah we, Pilly really is fucking... Where? Where's Largo? You mean the little room? California. They didn't call me up there. Yeah, I know where it is. Even if it's six months, relax. I just play the cellar. I can't go that way. Dude, but I've lived in LA twice already, little boy. Because you were 180, you started in 19...

And you're... What? You were in so insulting at the beginning that you didn't want to over insult in the actual date. You were 190 years old. You started and you didn't want to over insult on the actual date You're a hundred ninety years old you started you know a couple years ago you got a new guy you fucking a poja Listen when the goes into the red they can't hear you. I'm not staring at the red. You do a podcast. Don't you do one doesn't he do one None of this to quit. You do you hold my vision. Do you hold the mic up to your mouth? Yeah Right there just keep it. And listen to both of you, Mike. Close to your mouth.

Yeah, they boom me. You didn't play a record on tape, Jack. They all get naked. What? Why do you get naked? We did all-do-do-dude podcast. Why? Why?

The whole console was what we did in front of a gag, guy. Your dick was out? Yeah, it wasn't great. I've seen it. I got a film of it. Remember your wedding? Why do you have film of it? You let somebody film it? I know you had a date film, me and the shower.

The shower in the bedroom. The fur was in the bedroom. Yeah, it was very weird. Here's the thing. I know. We had a bedroom shower. I didn't think a shower was in front of me, basically. I saw that shit.

Oh, and I did a couple weeks ago. The gay off they had. Were you there for it? No front of me, basically. I saw that shit, oh, and I did a couple weeks ago, the gay off they had. Were you there for it? No, I'm so glad I, I, I, I see it. I saw the video, I went into one of them, they showed me and it was the most disturbing shit I've ever seen.

Really? Yeah, because I'm looking at it and it's two guys with girlfriends and they're doing this because they need the money. We forget that 1500 to us is not a lot of money. 1500 to the average motherfucker. That's a lot of money. And these guys did this, got naked, made out with each other. Literally gay guys slap his dick on their faces. And the girl friends were in the room. One guy had MS and was doing it because he needed the money what

did you slap an ms guy in the face with your dick i judge that guy it was so fucking disturbing man did he know he was doing it yet they all yeah no he was they they drugged him yeah no and then I think one of the girls cried. MS, isn't, oh, all right. One of the girls cried. One of the wives or something. What a crying. Well, I think now that I'm having a kid, though,

you have a kid, you have a kid, you don't, but I don't want my fucking kid. I get nervous. I think of some of the stuff I've said on certain shows, like O and A and other, and I'm like, oh, dude, I want my kid to hear that. I don't want my kid to fucking hear his dad being a dink. Your kid will get it. They will. I firmly believe that. I don't want to have to explain to my kid, you know. You won't. What? You won't. What do you mean?

I won't. What do you mean? Your kid will absorb so much of your person that they'll get it. I do think the guy who had a gay guy slapping his dick off his face in front of mom And while he was making on it, you think that kid's gonna get it Yeah So much to say on that you didn't say any But you had so much to say on that you didn't say anything Dub Dub Dub Dub Dub Dub Dub Dub You're talking about 177.6 All you say is that

Breast right But you're talking about saying it's something to do with me or you was probably not gonna let a guy slap us in the face with his cock or anything we were gonna get Well not not like I mean let's say I got it off a back page and she had tits Yeah but that's not That was fucking 10 and a half cut Cut Yeah Tits. Yeah, but that's not something that's fucking 10 and a half. Cut.

You've never done anything gay. Have you, Mark? Nothing ever. It would jerk off one of your friends. We used to jerk off the same room as kids. All right. You're in. You're in the club. That's a head. Yeah, like 12, 13. We put a born on. I'm sorry. That's too old. That's gay It was last night at the Hilton You fucking jerk it off the guy from tune in to get your podcast on the

Did the Gomez tell you when we were in a hotel room with Justin? Yeah, they took the Did it go mess tell you when we were in a hotel room with Justin yeah, yeah, they took the They should know that whole thing but then just more no, well, there was the night You guys I want to know do you guys fuck each other no, not at all. Let's look at me look at me. Go ahead look at do you fuck each other? No, how would you even think do you ever suck off Lewis not want to let him suck you off? Nope? Do you ever think that? Do you ever suck off Lewis? Not once. Do you ever let him suck you off?

Nope. Do you ever suck off Justin? No. Do you ever want to? No. What? But listen, handsome guy. This is great.

Do you remember this? We were all getting ready to go to bed. This was even a terrible time. Lewis and Justin are sharing a bed and I got my own bed. I don't like Justin's lips are too wet all the time. He goes, I guess, he goes, he goes goes He goes guys he goes I'm gonna tell you this I've done like five gay things before I'm gonna tell the stories and I was like I went don't do it and he goes Nah, it's cool. I'll tell you guys you guys my best friends. I go don't tell me

He goes I go why I go because I'm telling you as my friend if you tell me you blew a guy right now I'm gonna tell everybody and I'm saving you as my friend and saying like I don you blew a guy right now, I'm gonna tell everybody and I'm saving you as my friend and saying like, I don't want to know. He goes, and then he goes, I hear that guy tell me, but he's like, he's like, he's like, once a time, I go, I don't want to know. Don't burden me with the information. I don't want to know. So I never found out what it was. I never know. No one believes it. He told you go, I really didn't want it. When you want to know, I want to know. I want to know too. I ask him. I say we just make it up right now. Yeah, I think Lewis sucked a dick. Yeah, I think this is just I'm just oh just oh Justin definitely did. Yeah, I don't know if you definitely do. Yeah, dude. Oh the side of the road think really is gay. South by Southwest. Yeah, really. This is like, this is a good one.

We're here this. I'm just plugging a laugh button, the laugh button, Gotham Comedy Club. And let's plug Creek in the cave because she made this podcast happen. So go, what's that? Go to Creek in the cave. If you're, where is it?

How do you get there? Long Island City on one stop on the seven. One, but it's one stop off the drink one stop off the seven and you're there it's where we do our uh... leachers games life pockets every week every two to what two day i see you guys white e w d fans go and check this out cool spot and uh... mediocre podcast but the spot make up for that fantastic pocket

that is it's great i do like it well so let me let me but this but that the lewis this is great so i'm hanging That's what I'm saying. Fantastic. Fuck it. It is. It's great. I do like it. Let me button this button. The Lewis thing. This is great. So I'm hanging out smoking a cigarette. Do you remember this part of the story?

Do you remember me hanging out the window smoking a cigarette? Where? On the interstate with Lewis. Yes, I do. Yeah. Oh my God. We really were first. Yeah.

This is a good button right here. That was on the other show. This is the second show. This is the second show. This is the second show. I'm really gonna have a- I would have forgotten to have Nathan bring it up. I know the sound is gonna be- If the sound's different, I'm sorry,

it's just two different devices. Look, we're making a report. This is a good chance that we're just such fucking ego maniacs that we just love holding mics. Half your shows with each other. Dude, let me talk about me and my friends. Go ahead. Lewis was smoking at time too, so Lewis goes,

oh man, could I smoke a cigarette? And I just intercept Nate and go, I go, no, they can't have too few smoke in a one-tank. I just won't do it. I won't smoke that. I won't smoke. I'm gonna run it for, I go, one at a time. And then for somebody who goes,

if I like, stay outside the cogs, we're in dead-stop traffic almost. But what kind of going? Yeah, it's like, you know, cogs, we're in dead-stop traffic almost. But we're kind of going. Yeah, every couple inches. Yeah. He was a viking out and stay on the side of the road and he was, can I smoke a cigarette? I was like, yeah, sure, do you think?

So he probably could have just smoked in the cogs. I go, Lewis, you can't keep up with us. We're going faster than you think. And then he would think, you keep going. No, dude, you're not going that fast. I can easily keep up with you Do I'm telling you this is fat Lewis. Yeah A minute yeah a minute in yeah

Fucking traffic opens up. I can't even see him and we drive off we drive about a mile ahead maybe not a mile But yeah, I can't see him in the mirror. Yeah, he's on he's out of shape And he's in the middle of the interstate. He's not on the other side. Yeah, he's on the median. So somehow he gets to crawl. And we wait, we pull over about almost a mile up the road. I'd say. And I was like, it was a hot day.

You know, you see it in the distance like that haze. Like Kung Fu, Lewis fucking dumb fat Lewis in his flip flops comes over. He got to crawl somehow. He's on the median. So when he gets about, he gets about a hundred yards away. He's put a rig in there. That's how they get to school. Yeah.

I want to do another guy. Yeah, that was lucky to have fleas. Yeah. He was looking at flip flops. They have to cross the FDR and the river to get to school. Dude, he, cool. So we see Lewis gets about a hundred yards away from us. Yeah. We put a cigarette with one match and his book bag outside on the side of the road and drive another almost mile up the road. So now he has to do it holding his bag and we gave him one cigarette with a windy side of a highway with one

match which he did not get lit at all. gets the car he he told us that he went full emotional like the total 360 like he went like he was a point he was really furious was by coming back to the car He was like that was a good one guys. That was funny. He just got in the car trying to be like no big deal and then months and months later Why I'm kidding. We're at the commie seller hanging out. It's why Get it we're watching you perform You're not ready

Then so that is They she loves them I Know she likes him I. I Was glad about that No, she I Said it's me him Lewis. We're all stay outside this girl walks up and goes Hey, did John leave when you guys out on the interstate on 95 the girl saw it really I said at the comments are walked up because I was in that traffic and I saw y'all do that

Talking the mic down down the reeking guy walking down the side of the street. It was like man It just randomly one day. I just he threw out my ticket. Can I just be honest you he threw out my to do that to me when I first moved to New York I used to do a lot of colleges with case 97 more 96 They were brand new they were called Altoids they just came out. Oh, no, they didn't have them yet No, that you ask around the science wasn't yet on first all, Keith was in Philly and he made me, he made me get out and traffic to pee. I had to pee so bad. So we're in dead traffic. So I'm standing and I had to pee and shuffle sideways because I didn't want people to see my deck because

I was embarrassed. So I had to shuffle sideways like I was doing some type of dance as he's moving. I'm trying to and then uh and then we went to the gig and I remember I was so happy because uh Frosty was both our agents but uh he just sent them my in John. So it was just my beautiful young good-looking hair Bobby Kelly, Smiley,, with my dimples and my bump chin, nothing, Keith, nothing. It was just to tell, you know, where the times were like you've finished you, Kauksaka, he got so mad, he goes,

you're a headlining motherfucker, you're going to, you're a headlining, they think you're, you're going to blast. He went up and annihilated. I mean, bird, bird, money, bank, bank, money, good concept. Just fucking killed. Bird is so mad. Oh, you know what I'm gonna do. What is this impression? It's disintegrated.

Well, he just lost it, energy-wise. And he kills and he goes, now give it up for your head, line up, run. And I went up and fucking annihilated he was so mad I took it to another level. I was sweating when I came off. I went thank you good Keep hand you his polo time tired mad frost on the way home In the car you're done you got that's it man In the car you're done. You got that's it man Oh No, he called him on the phone. He could he goes Matt. He goes Matt. This is this is this is out of line man

This is Craig you're done. We can't do it. We can't work together no more This is too much and he fired he fired him It was a if we used to do with that motherfucker and it was all Oh, it was all Brand new car 1989 Buick century it was it was oldy music that's all it Listen to oh Keith listen to old Keith listen to oldies and he Drops you dry do up and then he because that's when he was born and he drives Hunched over the Stanley with drinking coke and he just stay and he he just got Slice is open and he'll do nine hours straight

Nine hours straight. I remember you hit a deer one time He called me to come get him off the highway He goes I'm exit seven on the term pike plier And I went and got him in the middle of the night and I go what happened he goes I was taking a slug on my Pepsi. I look up next thing. I lose a deer. I go you killed like the deer's dead So there he goes He goes nah some of a bitch shit on my hood and left and I thought he was being like joking and when I got there I see the car on the tow machine and it's just in front of the car

Just came in and then there's a perfect pure minute shit and no deer the deer really ran off Just shit on the left Brian's gonna tell me a story. I don't know if it's true But they hit a deer and the ass swung around to the open window on the side and it's Shit the kids face and that side All right, so check it out man We did the show tonight except for Nate. I really appreciate you guys coming down and doing my show after I want to get the fuck out of here. I Appreciate I forget what's

her name again. Rebecca Trin. Rebecca for Greek in the cave. That was she hooked it up and the guys here at the the Follies. Esther's Follies. What a great venue. I had a blast. What a great show. We had two great shows. Everybody killed it. Everybody had fun. We had a kick one dude out. Did they? I did. I kicked him. I kicked him the fuck out. two great shows everybody killed it everybody had fun uh... we had a kick one dude out did i i did i kicked him i kicked him the fuck up uh...

after i issue he goes uh... i walked out i go i should tell you goes say some funny and i went what i go say some funny right now one two three and i go get the fuck out out goodbye and then i just went out and we all started laughing and he left he got kicked the fuck out out goodbye and then I just went ah ha we all started laughing and he left like he got kicked the fuck out they grabbed the one that was the uh the guy kicked out is be kicked out every year they kicked out they said two people that guy that was like his third year

oh really oh great that's his attempt that's his attempt at all comedy he's like I go to the show I can't wait till he doesn't show up one year because he got fucking he got uh... hit by a car and baili choked my death carry gone and fucking pulled his hair out here here here he goes as fucking here

but uh... it was a great show uh... hopefully you guys will be back i'll never be back uh... because i'm uh... i'm having a son and I'm quitting comedy. Oh, is your retirement announcement? I'm with Grossman's bargain outlet. I'm going to go flat stack the money I'd mind or leave baseball. I'm going to go play with the white socks.

That was a blast, man. This is great. I got so much tech shit today. I was so happy. I loaded up. I almost ate a little rubber horn you found earlier. Dude got I got more I got so much shit in the room It's unbelievable the free shit cool shit dude. I got fucking crazy cool shit I got five hundred all our headphones for free for nothing nothing of business

Not yet not until I get them they're coming to the mail some beats by trace Yeah, I'm not plugging them until I get them No, I got some other ones from job, but though job is hot They got wireless cord folding over the year amazing phone unbelievable headphones. They're sending me right dead mouse Relax what's gonna be dead mouse dead mouse? What is that? Oh come on Bobby? I didn't keep your finger on the pulse of the youth if you don't know I'm trying to keep my fucking pulse on my neck Fat bastard I am I just bombed on a fat joke of myself. Yeah, you know, I'm just a fat tub It's a wrap. It's a wrap. You young guys could see her and talk all night

That's I see in your eyes Nate Yeah, are you trying to keep me, I'm just a fucking TV show to you right now. You treat Robert Kelly like a fucking joke, Nate. Yeah, Nate, what the fuck, man? You get to LA, you get all Hollywood, man. Fucking dickhead. I knew it was in you.

I knew it was in you. Do you really? Is Dicey? You live 45 minutes away from LA L.A. and in a shitty neighborhood you live with big hot-sleeved and the ponderosa I don't know that means it's a great reference that's a show that was on that show is on when Keith was opening for Bobby Kelly that show was on I hate you young comics. I really do. You're not that crazy old.

You whipper snappers. That's the reason we told the guy goes, how old are you? 35. You're a kid. You're a kid. You don't get it. I listen. You'll see, though. You'll see I need to eat

Yeah, yeah, what do you mean? It was first of all it was a salad. I don't have the word cob to it Cobb let's take out a lot of the healthy. It was actually cob is very funny No, I didn't I didn't have a cob salad I had no I didn't have a male it but can I tell you what it was Greek? No, I didn't I didn't have a Cobb salad. I had no I didn't have a male Can I tell you what it was Greek? No, I guess I wanted to tossed I'm getting here's a problem I'm getting giddy and you fucking assholes are like little raptors Cramber warmer you're attacking the big vegetarian dinosaur You're a problem source

Alright, so anyways, thank you shut the fuck up. I really You're the worst picture of the vegetarian're not we're meeting in the middle This elevator coming down anywhere. You've been the same for fucking 10 years Bobby has it. Yeah, you have no he has it. Yeah, I deny it He does deny it. He's our Significantly Hang on a second. I'm still loving it. I know yorks and make you feel better about yourself. Bobby's on the way up. I feel better about you, Fetzal. Bobby's already set on his podcast, and I've lost a bunch of weight. It's already acknowledged it.

Other episodes. And they're already out. History says three. I deleted all of them. No, you wouldn't. They're all gone, Fanny. They were all comedy gold. Everyone of those recordings comedy gold.

You wouldn't look at what that. You point your pink at me again. I'm going to bite it off. Do it. I'm hungry. I'm hungry too. I'm going to eat my other finger while you do it. Let's go'm hungry, too. I'm gonna eat my other finger while you do it Let's go get some food. What do you think?

Well, you want to eat? Let's eat. Let's go eat this YKWD from South by Southwest It got a little fucked up. We managed to hopefully get the second half. I don't know if I'm ever gonna get this Not even happened. I'll be fantastic. I can't stand you dude. I don't know. It's a flux capacitor. I think it's a DVD player. I'm pretty sure it's a CD player of the absorb. Yeah. It's actually not that bad. It hooks up for a mic. It. right now. Then PR. It's actually not that bad. It hooks up for Mike's. It's not that bad.

But anyways, uh. Talk to my father from World War II. That was a great frequency. Frequency, yeah. It was a great movement. And if one of us got it, we'd all get along. So make sure you check out what you're a Twitter. No.

I never get to. Do the ad. Do we get a buff dance outer what do you mean I know dude what are you gonna do he's on a he's on fire so how many you got like it's not gonna happen we're not gonna help you with that we'll get you up to six do you want to get six or you want to beat you want to beat Dan well let's make it a competition I want Napier Gatsy to beat Dan Soda on Twitter. Let's do it. Can I jump in this competition because I long way to go and I have terrible followers How many how many people you got four thousand something you have four thousand people? Yeah

You you have less than Nate Bergatsy. Yeah, definitely Jesus. How many you got? You got 65 okay we got to get neighbor gatsy over 65 people okay we're gonna get you over 10,000 people which but Dan Soder I'm telling you what there I don't know big stuff, he's a guy. Here's the thing, we want you to unfollow, Dan. How in? Yeah, there you go. And follow, Nate Berghancy. A true family man.

A true family man. From the South, American. Yeah. You love it. You don't do. I do. You don't go to fucking Russia, the Communist country, and make jokes.

Unfollow, man. Right, means stuff. To Dan. Yeah. Yeah. Unfollow, right means stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Unfollowing right. Mark, what's your what's yours? Twitter is at Mark Norm at Mark Norm. American or M.

All right. Jay, what do you got at big J. O. Chris and on Twitter. What else looking shit and Legion's got you guys got websites. I do. Yeah. I am Nate.

I am Nate. Mark Norman comedy. Awesome. Big J comedy. And make sure you go to, all right. So make sure you're Robert Kelly live for all my dates. I'm going to try to piece this together. I hope this podcast comes out. I wanted to do one live from the festival. I was really excited to be on the show with everybody that was on it. I'm a fan of everybody that was here. And you know what? I I I issue was really nice too. And I'm I like Matt Bronner too. I'm I'm I'm I'm

new fan of both of them. So it was great. Hey, he does get a great face. Check him out on Vine. You guys thank you so much for listening. He's awesome on Vine. Him and Will Sassow are the best on Vine. Good here. It gives good Vine. So check them out and that's it. YKWD, go to the website, ricast.com. Make sure you go to tweakedaudio.com by all your headphones. Headphones, use the code word dude and you get 33% off any headphones on the website which is pretty, pretty badass. That that's a good deal and go to amazon.com and gamefly.com slash ykwd for all your video games and stuff what are you looking at? Almost ran out of breath telling that stuff to me.

Dude, you go. Alright so that's it you fucking cock suckers. Go ahead and let me take everybody take one more shot at me as I go. Yeah get your sponsors to be shorter so you can say them all. Oh, shit. Real. Oh, shit, it's fucking real. That's how we ended a bad knell like that.

I'm uncomfortable. I'm leaving. I'm not gonna say anything about that. You know what? Dan Soda is there for a reason. That's why he is to it. I don't forget it. Follow Dan.

Oh. I'm gonna be back home. Hey, so. That's family, it. Follow Dan. Oh! Oh! That's the same way, Folly. Follow! She's not gonna look you in the eye. Huh? She's not gonna look you in the eye.

You can't have no respect for you. She looks me right in the eye. She's just dead in the eye. Oh my gosh, remember sad. Alright, follow Napa, guys. Give him followers. You guys, thanks for listening. We're out of here Say goodbye guys. Bye Hey, make sure you support our sponsors

That's right you son of a bitch is we have sponsors kid Make sure you go to ricast.com, slash Robert Kelly, go to the website and buy all your goods, your needs, your tech stuff, whatever the fuck it is, off of Amazon.com, but use our link, because every time you use our link, whatever it is, just, we make money. You support the show.

For nothing, stuff you're gonna get anyways. So make sure you do that. Go to our page, on RyderCast, and use our link. And go to GameFly.com slash YKWD. Get a two week free subscription to GameFly, the Netflix of video games. If you play video games, why spend $60 every friggin' month on a game that you're gonna be done with in a

couple weeks? Or maybe a couple days if you're a friggin lunatic like some of you, just go to GameFlight.com and use it that way. It's a perfect way to game. You can keep the games after if you want to return them and get a brand new one. GameFlight.com slash YKWD. Make sure you if you want to click the donate button a dollar five dollars twenty thousand dollars whatever you got You donate to the show all goes back on the show like had the graves constantly donate to the show Thank you, and you know you guys out there. We love you for doing that. Thanks for supporting the show that way Actually giving us cash, which is great, but

Here's another way you can do it tweaked audio dot com There are sponsor of the show sponsor of the network great headphones 33% off go to tweaked audio dot com right now use the code word dude Dude and you get 33% off already cheap headphones. When I say cheap, I don't mean quality. The quality is great. I have a pair. And you know me, I'm a tech guy.

I have three pairs. They're great gifts for people. You know you lose these headphones all the time. Leave them on a car, train, bus, in a hotel room at work. Get a few pairs, buy them for your girl, buy them for your wife, your friends. Put one in your bag, put one in your pocket, have one at work, get a few pairs, buy them for your girl, buy them for your wife, your friends, put one in your bag, put one in your pocket, have one at work.

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you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, You know what I'm doing, you know what I'm doing You know what I'm doing, you know what I'm doing You know what I'm doing, you know what I'm doing Look at this box, look at this box, look at this You know what I'm doing, you know what I'm doing Don't stop filming my face.