Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - SXSW Live

Episode Date: March 20, 2017

A special, live YKWD with Al Madrigal, Joe DeRosa, Liza Treyger, Rich Vos and Bonnie McFarlane. Recorded live on March 14, 2017 from the South by Southwest festival in Austin, Tx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? That was... I'm sitting right here. That was much better.

Welcome to you. You know what, dude? Live. I think this chair is going to break underneath me. I just... This is not fucking wait-tested for me. I just felt it bounce. Thank you, Chubby, people is not fucking wait tested for me. I just felt it bounce. Thank you, Chubby people for getting what the fuck I'm the fear I have.

Are you thin, cocksuckers like, lies? What's he talking about? We're gonna do a live podcast. We have a buy of a buy. I don't know if you guys know my show. We it's it's just a comic gang. There's no topics. I don't have any shit. I don't know what what's gonna happen. It could be the most boring fucking podcast You've ever sat on or it could be really great who knows but I got a great lineup. I usually have a new Comics old comics my friends some people I don't know and we did the same thing for tonight for you guys here at South by Southwest so let's bring out the first guy. This first guy, I actually started this podcast in my kitchen with this asshole.

And then we got into a really big fight, I believe at one point. And then he went and started his own podcast and became very successful at comedy. So let's give it up. Joe DeRosa, everybody. Joe DeRosa. Right here. You're sitting right next to me. Why, where the fuck at? Well, down there, I wanted to sit down there. We used to sit across from each other.

Yeah, but we didn't do it live in front of 250 people. Was it my kitchen table? Yeah, look at this. You said backstage, from the kitchen to here. It's not that far. I didn't know what you were talking about when you said it. And I was like, oh, he means the kitchen pot. Yeah, but I said that to you like in private, like a like,

wow, this is nice. And now you just told all these people, so I look corny. No. From my kitchen to South by Southwest. Fuck off. That's a great, that's a nice thing. It's a nice thing, but it's kind of, what am I fucking an actor?

Thank you for this. I'm a comic, we're supposed to keep some edge, aren't we? You can still be edgy. I'll tell you the edge these days, Bob, showing some sensitivity. That's the edgy thing to do these days. Oh, fuck you again, is it? I don't know, I'm being a douche, I'm just joking.

I hate that I wore my glasses too. We look like two, like we're trying to be a good podcast. We're trying to show everybody. We're going to talk about movies for the next 20 minutes. What do you think of Logan? I'm kidding. I hated it though. You hated Logan?

You're a fucking asshole. I'll tell you why he hates Logan. This is it. And it's not because it was a bad movie. It was a great movie. He hates it because you're a marvel. You're a DC snob. Yeah. Oh, all right.

It's better. And there you go. That's the end conversation. DC's better. I'll tell you what I really didn't like about Logan. Why is Professor X cursing in the movie? It looks ridiculous when Patrick Stewart is in his wheelchair like a... Why do you cock sucker and logo?

Can I say something? If you went from fucking Xavier College in Westchester to a dome in Arizona and a wheelchair that doesn't, you have to push by yourself... Which by the way, they never even explain what happened. There's one part where he goes, I remember Westchester logo. I mean, they never tell you what happened. There's one part where he goes I remember West Chester Logan. I mean they never tell you what happened. What things happen you know the things happen. The divorce life. Look at he got old things happen the government fucking push them out. That's another thing. Have a fuck is he still alive. I love here. They said it was the year 2030. He's got good genes.

You know, I just didn't think it was a great, you're an asshole, what's a better movie from DC? I like Suicide Squad better than Logan. You're an asshole. You're an asshole. Boo, thank you. I just get it. Shit movie. I'm just kidding.

Shit movie. I'm just kidding. The lady came out at the end and the villain. She's still. They had the fucking Joker. They did the Joker good again. He was amazing. Jared Lido, whatever the fuck his gorgeous name is,

fucking nailed it. And they didn't make him the bad guy. They made a witch who fucking did, uh, five EC stinks. And then the park, she's supposed to be this ancient like evil queen. And then she goes, she's supposed to be this ancient like evil queen and then she goes, she goes, you won't kill me. You don't got the balls.

And I was like, why did the ancient demon spirit just say it like that? But then she said it in another language. No, no, no, she said it. Oh, she did? You don't got the balls. And I was like, if you were a demon, how you would talk? You don't got the balls, dude. Well, I didn't, I thought Logan was better than Suicide Squad, but I thought that Batman

Superman was better than Logan. Without question. Yeah, without that fucking, you're wrong again. Wrong, the fucking again. Maybe I'm the only one that's right. You know, what else they said was wrong? Einstein. I'm just going to put that out there.

Tesla, they call Tesla a mad man. Are you comparing yourself to geniuses? I am. They said, Rosa Parks, you can't sit there. She said, yes, I can. I don't care what everybody says right now. Now you just, what I'm doing with that man versus... Oh, you got a cheap apart break.

Rosa Parks? So, you piece of shit, that's crazy. You just kept saying names until they applauded. I'm president Kenny, when I fuck you. Oh mama, you know what Obama's shot? The fuck up. They told him he was wrong. Yeah, well Joe DeRose is wrong.

Nobody said you, you never, anyways, nice talking to you. Did you see Kong? I know I'm not gonna Why I'm not watching another fucking King Kong movie I get it King Kong's king what you don't like it? Yeah, no, it's unlike any other Kong movie. You've ever seen that's a question meaning it's shitty. It's real shit It's not like all those good Kong movies think me. You know why I'm not gonna go see it because how fucking excited you just got. He literally went like this.

I thought he was like the people from Kong were putting on this festival. He was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I thought I fucked up. Like I was gonna get kicked out of the festival. It's just you. You, of course Just you and the two sexy girls you with

Of course he loved the movie. He looks like he's been stranded on that. I would Everybody Everybody here does look like they fucking make their own soap. Oh Shit did I say that I'm fucking joking. I love this place. I All right, well let's let's bring out our next guest first of all, Joe We're back. This is the first time we've been together in a long time Yeah, cuz the last time I dated it was a bunch of people, but this this was nice this this a couple minutes Yeah, no seriously. Thanks for having me on me for having me on me I didn't mean to touch it

hey that wasn't bad I thought it was gonna be bad. I thought it was gonna lie. I felt a little flutter in my pants. We both have nice bottom lips. Well now I know. You know, I always wondered if I'd be able to do that. I was like, if I had to do a movie, something I'm not gonna be able to fuck you. I know, I'm never gonna be able to.

But I was always like, if I had to do a part in something and they were like, you have to kiss a dude. I was like, I don't know if I'd be able to do it or not. I think I could do it. Can I say something we knew you'd be able to do it? Fuckin'. You queen, we love guys. Hi, let's bring out our first guest.

You ready to bring her out? You have friends with her. I became friends with her this last two years at the seller. She's one of the funniest people. Well, I mean, she's just, it kills every time. I hate following her at the seller, she's one of the funniest people. I mean she's just kills every time. I hate following her at the seller. Right. Let's give it up. Feliz... Wanda Sykes? You know what dude? Can we escort that asshole out of here?

You think? Fucking asshole. Yeah Wanda goes on at the cellar. Go fuck yourself. Please a tracker, everybody. Give it up for me to a tracker. The next one to Sykes. Thank you. You're right here next to Joe, sweetie. You have any? Sorry to disappoint you guys.

Everyone will be white on this cast. Nobody's gist of it. I love Wanda, but I love you too. Thank you. The Wanda would never do my podcast. No. She would do it. You don't think she would do it? I don't think she'd do my podcast. Now why would she do my podcast? She hangs out with Keith Robinson who by the exact nobody knows who he is. That's my point. That's for you. Yeah she would do your podcast. Well I don't I think I have hope. I think she would do it. She would never do my podcast.

I like that you guys do my podcast. I'm happy with Lisa Tragger. Me too, right, Lisa? I'm always very happy to get the call. I don't know, I have enough. I'll jump in when I have something, but I have nothing to say right now. I'm sorry, you guys are staring at me.

It sucks that I'm disappointed. Yeah, it's a fucking live thing. I know this is an nightmare. I'm sorry you guys are staring you're all staring at me. It sucks that I'm disappointed. Yeah, it's a life I know this is an nightmare I'm bombing You're the last person. I feel like I'm being like this is like a science experiment you guys are like looking me up and down to cut me open I don't know I feel too much pressure now Bobby. I'll give you a hand job to get us out of this We're not gonna top that kiss So what are you doing at the festival, hun?

Um, some shows. That's it? Yeah. Yeah, how they go. The hosting, like, it was good. I did one yesterday called Woodgy Bangam, where boys did comedy, and then you said a few would have sex with them or not. Um, Joe DeRosa spilled my candy, which is a bold move since I was a judge, but I respected it.

And then I think I had one more show, but I don't remember. Yeah, last night was a little fucking crazy. It was a wild ride, but- It was a wild, you made a choice at the beginning of the shoot. Was anybody there last night? Oh, yes, and you took a picture with me in the street earlier today. What's your name? Angela Ram...

Would you fuck him? Oh! I'm not saying fuck you. You're under age? No, it's not. It's not the path we need to go down right now. It's not a good. That's just keep it above the belt.

No, but you ran up to me in the street today and you wanted to take a picture. And I said thank you. And then my friends in Wood show show did you see Joe at? And you said, I was at the show last night. And I was like, oh thank God, I didn't look like a complete fucking asshole. You guys want to do this after this show? Or do you want to do it now?

Sorry. Let me bring out the next guest, everybody, Rich Boss. One of the greats of all time. He has a great podcast with his wife. My wife hates me. And he was actually, that was his show last night, correct? The one where Joe fucking almost had a meltdown.

He was great. Joe saved our show last night, and so did Lisa. It was without those two, we would have found two other people. But I look at Joe and out and made a comic choice. Yes. And he said, who's Candace is this? And she said mine and he threw them on the floor.

He also came out insulting us immediately, which is weird if you want people to fuck you. It's just a weird choice. I didn't think sex was really on the line between your hands. I just had to lie. I kind of just thought we were at the point. But the answers of no effect for a brain. That would be a good show.

Is one of you had to fuck them Yeah, I think we're talking Now that's a fucking show, true TV will get behind that Come on, true TV You cared that we all said no No, I heard you were having, it was all four notes No, no, no, no, Morgan and Mateo both said yes Oh, okay, I'm Morgan with fuck

Yes, you gay guy said I have to make it up my own reality Mateo said yes to pretty much everybody Right, I'm warning my fuck. Yes, you gay guy said, I get to meet up my own reality. Mateo said yes to pretty much everybody. Well, I don't care. He said no to me, okay. What the fuck? No, he did it. He said me.

Here Joe, I have a quick question for you, but you have to answer really quickly, ready? Yeah. If Voss and Kelly fucked, who's fucking who? Bobby. What? If Voss and Kelly fucked, if you're my Kelly? Yeah, Bobby. You Kelly, like Kelly. Yeah, Bob. Yeah, you Kelly. Yeah, that's your name. So I said boss. I'll be honest with you. I think boss would be the

top of course. Bobby's a tender guy. He'd be the top because I don't want to murder him. No. I don't want to kill boss. No, you said that. I did a top. Oh, God. It's right. There should be so many holes on him. I could that you know wouldn't be hard to fuck them As many holes as that were in that premise. Yeah, that hurt my feelings. Yeah, damn it Fuck did you call me a whale? Fuck up. I know get the joke like I'm just saying to First of all if me you thought if we were fucking I would it would be you're not or small. First of all, if me and you fought, if we were fucking, I would be, you're not the fucking top.

First of all, you're wearing the hat. I'm the fucking top. All right? You're at a top. Here's why I think you could be the top. You're a very tender, sensitive man. You had that joke at one point that I loved. I mentioned this last one to the podcast.

Bob, you said a joke about getting your asshole eaten out. Yeah, I like your asshole eaten out. What? Ha ha ha. Yeah, I like my ass eating out. Not now, it's shut down like Chernobyl now. But back then, I used to love my ass. But you would say-

A couple lizards. Yeah. Do you like a couple fingers too? No, I don't like fingers in my butt because the pressure is too much and it makes me have to poop. I get nervous, I too. I don't poop, I too butt because the pressure is too much and it makes me have to poop. I get nervous. I don't poop. I too. And that's even more embarrassing when you just a little two with a girl. I got no beef with a finger at all. Really? I'll take a finger. I feel if you're not,

if you're a dude and you don't let a girl play with your ass, you're secretly gay and you don't admit it. I think that people touch your ass So that was the punchline to the joke. Bobby would say, I like to get it all for worse and then my ass only, and then inevitably, a man in the audience would go, what? And then Bobby would go, fuck you. Fuck you. If you don't get on all fours and let a girl eat your ass

whole and you say, baby, my pussy, while she does it, your gay. That's kind of a rough estimate of what the joke is, but... It was something like... That just sounds like an aggressive gay guy, I don't... Like a boring wall. It's like fuck you if you don't like it, you're a fucking queer! Yeah!

I don't... I think there was a little more structure. Finger... I've had... I've had vibrators, I mean, what's... What? Packing is trendy. Packing isn in. Yeah, with a girl though. Wait a minute, wait a minute. You've had a vibe, like a penis? No, not like a penis.

Penises aren't made out of rubber. Either a vibrator. And they're not being. No, I don't know. Just, you know, like a little toy every now and then to play. But what's a little toy? Are you talking Brookstone's foot massager? Or are you talking like a little thing like that?

Can it go on a keychain? Or do you have like a, does it need a case? No, we have to hide it from our kid. Oh, you do have it. You had, wait, so in your asshole, you had a vibrator. Yeah, what's the, who had that soon? I have it, I have it. I have it.

Are you serious? I've never, first of all, no Oh, right next to him. I have it. I have it. Are you serious? I've never, first of all, no. I haven't done it. I've done it. With the loop, you can't really feel. All right. Before we get into this, I need to bring out my, because I know how magical.

Come on out, everybody. Now, I know. I know you're over here. You're over there. We're not wait to get in here. See, right over here. You're not wait. You're not way to get in here. Say right over here. You're not way. You're right at the end here.

Have you been pagged or vibed in your butt? No. Wait a minute. I'm not. And also at the end of the day, I'm glad that you didn't take it. Speaking of little dicks, let's bring out our next guy.

I'm glad that didn't come up. No, that's what I'm glad you didn't do that. No, no, no, no, of course. I know you have a nice penis. Yes. How do you know that? How do I know that? I've read about it when I'm a clean guy a daily shower sometimes too But at the end of a day. Yeah, it's fucking disgusting. I wouldn't want anybody touching my ass Just what is he doing right after a shower? Like what if you showered, cleaned your ass, went in a nice clean brand new high end hotel, five star. You're gonna rinse your own.

Something nice. Put a towel under your bum too. Yeah, it's a shower handle. It's a removable handle. I think it's still fucking, it's not, it's never great. Really? Yeah, I know this not. My asshole, never great.

Well, you don't, I know this not, I know this. My asshole, never great. Well, you don't... Out of this nut at someone right down for the name of the podcast. Out of the gap. I don't have, I don't have, hey baby, eat my asshole energy. I know I'm your sociology teacher, but come over to the house for some wine energy. You're not, you don't try to stuff it.

You don't think, you, you're very good. But if things get there, it's fine. So if a girl has a, let me ask this question. Has a girl ever adventure down there, and you had to go, no, no, no, no. No, no, I really, at that, has to do that. No girls never tried to do that. That has not come up, no.

Ever. Because that guy's live. At the beginning of that, you all said, well, you did a lot of weird drugs though, too, right? I didn't have, was it dry in the crowd? I was on drugs. Can I just say I'm serious, Mouse? In my mouth like the Pete Holmes crashing show. Yeah, I'm sorry.

And people see that Pete Holmes crashing. Pete Holmes crashing, yes. So HBO, watch it. She says, let me touch your asshole. I've never had anybody say, let me touch your asshole. Let me try it. Can I say something real quick? If you look at Voss and you look at Al,

he looks like he puts stuff in his ass. I think you look like you have a family. Yeah. Yeah. Rich looks like he puts stuff in his ass. You look like he puts stuff on a shelf. Yeah. Thank you for punching my joke up, Joe D'Aresa.

No, but here's the other like last week, my wife. You know, I don't really want to get into this whole section. She's right over there. You know, speaking of your wife, speaking of your wife, we have very special guests. Let's bring out Rich Boss's wife. He's in a green room. Go get her. Where is she? In the green guest. Let's bring out Rich Boss is why he's in a green room. Go get her.

Where is she? In the green room. She's getting, and she got her. She's backstage watching her mouth out. She's watching her finger off her knuckles. Listen, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm old, right? You know, I need to know. We know, we're looking right at you.

Is it unique to stay down? I'm like, you look like a, we're looking right at you. Is it you need to stay down? You look like you should be on the crew. Rich looks like he runs a food truck. And it's his second chance. And Bobby's like that's a question mark. Listen. Body.

Come on out. Body, body. So I was just a little backstory. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We were married. We were married, but you just had started dating, so I saw this fresh. No, we were married. You were not. Oh, you're right. Boy, those were the days. No, but I got, and this is not, I love just one explaining my marriage. Oh, thank you.

I appreciate that. I know the year I got fucking married, okay? Believe me, I regretted every fucking day of my life. I will not forget it. Boss says he likes stuff in his butt. No, I don't like. He uses vibrators in his ass. I hope you know this because if you don't, your vibrators are going to his ass all. Watch out for the pink one, Bob.

What he chooses to do on his own time behind Walmart is up to him. I don't indulge him those things. No, she, because Bob, he won't let me put anything in her back. Show her back in her butt. I'm a hole in my back. I'm a hole in my back.

Some people have a tramp stamp. I have a hole. I actually have an extra hole because I have an extra tailbone. Do you have like a two tailbone? I have an extra tailbone. So I have like an extra hole on top of my butthole. It's like a... What the fuck? It's chill.

But when I was younger, sometimes we put like a cigarette or a crayon in it. And you, are you kidding me? When it's skinned like I could chuck my finger into it, it's not an actual, it's just a pocket. It's like a dim, dim pile. It's a diva. And you said no.

Relenture fucking creep. No one's showing extra holes. Creep. Could you hide candy in there? I'm like, we're going to the movies. I'm going to the movies. We're all talking about buttholes and then some guy goes, I can show us the hole and we're all going to fuck you.

Shut the fuck up. I don't want to see this hole fucking throw off. I'm fucking. Is it like, was it a tail that they took off? No, no, it's not a tail. No. But you could feel the extra bone. I feel it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But a tailbone. But you could feel the extra bone. I feel it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But from the inside. It's not. But right now? I don't know. I'm on my period though too, but I don't know. I just don't know where they're there, Bob. I know, but I don't know where they're there.

I don't know how they are. I do know what I'm saying, I swear. The period doesn't come out of her. I know, but I'm gonna be fine. Yeah, but it's a hole. You don't know where that hole is connected to. You don't know. That's a second unknown.

A girl. It's a whole thing. Now can you explain to her about her period and her whole life? So the second hole, Bobby, you're fine. When a girl turned 17. Yes. Yes.

What? The second hole formed? The second hole for? The second hole for. She starts to accumulate. Yeah. So, well, it's a mix between the, what? Where is this going? I don't know where it's fucking going, lady.

I don't know. I don't know why everybody's working. Can I ask you questions? Can I ask you questions? Tell me like a golf instructor. When you get to the second hole. Second. Yeah. I didn't know how that's wearing a shirt. Can I ask you questions? Tell me like a golf instructor. When you get to the second hole, saying it. Yeah. I didn't know how that joke was going to work

and then it made sense. I didn't get it. Now has any guy discovered that hole and been flipped out? No. No guy ever went, what the fuck is this? No. Listen. That's right.

That's stunning. So it's not like, but you could put a cigarette in it and it would like stick out and it look like it's like smoking you know Why is that not your fucking profile? Show yeah, why is that not a show? It would be fucking awesome. It's actually on Ciso. Yeah, it's got a big deal. My extra tailbone hole. Oh, it's so good that I grow with two holes in her back. Wouldn't fuck Joe de Rosa last. I wouldn't fuck you with my tailbone hole.

Oh, fucking. It's got the Chernobyl. Oh, fucking. It's got the Chernobyl, okay. Oh, fucking. I think Joe D'Arosa, and I'll be, because I've known you over the years, I think you're looking your best right now. Thank you very much. He looks like the planner's peanut guy with a new hairdo. That was real wordy, so good for you who laughed at it but you

shouldn't. It was very good. It wasn't wordy. It was what he looks like the planners being a guy. Don't try to tear up on me. And it's boss so he somehow managed to wedge S's into planners and peanuts. Extra fuck. Fuck. That fucked the Thar S's. God damn it. I'm dumb and I knew that. I appreciate the compliment. I think you look very handsome yourself. I think you're lying. You don't have to get.

I hate when I, I'm not, what I type of sage is a peasant. Can I say something? I hate when I give somebody a compliment and then they give me the same compliment back and I know you're lying. I've looked, this is the worst I've looked in my life. No. What did I say to you backstage?

I said, where are your glasses? You looked in my life. No, what did I say to you backstage? I said, where are your glasses? You looked really great. Put your glasses back on. Well, I think you look awesome. That's like a f*****. I think you look awesome. Cover more of your face.

It's like women from the rest of your face. It's like a flammable hagginess scarf. I think you're saying. It's like a four complimenting a two. That came from a one, exactly. Tell them about your trip home last night that you told me. Oh, my fucking god. That was the best time of our lives. I almost killed a rickshaw guy, actually.

Well, the thing is, so me and Mateo were in front of you on a paddy cap. Oh, no, that's not the guy But that was the first guy. I was good But the guy was like struggling and so then we could wait to turn around and see it We saw the guy when you were walking up to he just started tying a shoe Yeah, like he couldn't see you coming Hey cab guys just look at you and go Good well the first guy, we had to start singing

the Rocky theme song to get up the hill. Like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And then he made it. But the second guy, I got a real small thin dude. And he had like a dirty hair and a beard. And you just described every single person in Austin. Yeah. That's why I said that.

I was hoping one of you would pick it up. No, he was nice guy and he got in it. But people walking were faster than us at one point. And I had to offer like, dude, do you want to take a break? Like, we can stop and talk for a couple minutes. And then we got up to six and he goes, I can't do it. So he pulled into like a pit of other Rick Shaw guys,

and they all saw him and got off their rickshaws and went to help. Like they just would like grab them, like, are you all right, dude? Oh my God, they saw what he had to go with the earth. This is how tidy was, and they had water for them. That's the story, by the way. By the way, this is a story they're all gonna tell

when they're old rickshaw drivers, when the new kids come. I was so mad. This is like, I took Jake Lamatta all the way to six. But this is like, it's Lamatta all the way to six It's like a 12-step meeting and you're telling your story right now. This is your bottom that But it's good You what are the fuck you talking about you know what I'm saying you know I don't what are you saying? I'll explain later. It's mean explain it it right now. Like when I quit drugs. No more fried foods, Bobby.

That's what he's saying. Thank you. By the way, Rich is saying this is your bottom. We've already established that he's your bottom. We've already talked about this. Well, you think this is it? I should stop, right? No, stop.

No, whatever you're doing, you're doing great. Because you succeed in everything you do So you're the worst ever ever You know that at least Bonnie has the balls to go FATSO stop. I wasn't saying it I was trying to because I he was gonna start doing like a 20-minute fucking walking back from his statement And I just wanted to get it. Just move on. When we were on the side you guys were talking about Kong and Rich turn of me because Bobby's just upset. I won't go see Kong, because he was up for the part. That's fucked up.

Every person who laughs, you know what? Fuck you. Well, we know who's the Smith chapter table. I know that's a guy who will take you to his ass. I remember when the remake of the island of dr. Moro came out starring Val Kilmer and late era of Marlon Brando Val Kilmer it a press interview for the movie. They said how was it working with Brando? He said great. He's playing the island. He said that promoting the fucking movie. I want to know how the fuck that is

I want to know how the fuck that is reference to me. What the fuck was that? You just said I look good. I think you look good. I'm saying the thing that you've made in the last two days. Look at the two girls that leave them. Where you going? Hey, where you going? Where you going?

Hey, come back. We should lock the doors. So when they get there they're like fuck We have to watch the end of this I do you look it no no no I'm a little chubby now I think you look great and you're not gonna get any other Any girl in here have sex with me. I will That was a guy

That was a fucking dude. Yeah, who a yip. He's the first one. He's the funniest people alive. What is funny having to do it? Because Carl's going. Leave him alone. They got there. You going. They're Asian. What is LZ sound system playing next door? God damn it! Rich, and by you guys do the show, you were just telling me about the show you do where you get comics up on stage, I do five minutes, and then you just have girls see if they

would bang the guys. Yes. I had thought of an app, I wanted to do an app for married guys because I've been married for, I think 17 years in June is crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. That's the key to being married is not getting shit in your butt. What's that? That's the key to a lot of marriage.

Nothing in the butt. Fucking 18 years. But I do want to app, like all my friends are on app when Dan Soder got on that rya for the first time It was like the best fucking thing that ever happened to me because he got his first match when I was sitting there We were both in Vancouver and we I jumped up and down. I got so excited So I want to do a map for merit guys called still got it Just to see if there's any fucking interest because I have no idea. You don't fuck though Do you say I would fuck?

What girls do you think we're are gonna join this app to not get fucked and just make old men feel better? There's some holes in her, too. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER That's okay, Sy. We just lost all the cooperaps. You motherfuckers. Fuck you for coming! Listen, Dad. I think that was actually staff.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Does somebody try to keep it? You motherfuckers. Alright. Somebody try to keep it We're gonna we're gonna the end of the show it's gonna be three people I Even say the Bonnie girls don't hit come up to me after shows and hit on me like they used when I was single Again right at you what I do now offer you a personal face. You have to care. You know how it is, the girls you should come up and flirt.

If a girl comes up to me after a show, she wants to buy a suit. And if she wants to, like if she's in to me, I'm fucking scared. Because there's something wrong with her. You know what I mean? Like, because I'm a, like if she wants me, she's into this. Like, I'm a, if she wants me, she's into this.

Like, I'm a fattish at this dinner anyway. Girls like funny guys that are nice and hot. I mean, you're very handsome. I'm not taking that away from you. But I mean, it's like, you're still thinking with a dude brain. What do you mean? Because you think the way you look at women

and how you judge women is how women judge you and it's not the same. Well, I see Bonnie, I'll tell you this. I'm Bonnie, you're like Johnny Jones. I love that women have a good relationship. I love when any woman makes a point. Woo! If I made a point, all guys would be like this. And Bonnie's only saying that because she's banged big dudes before, right? Yeah, yeah.

I don't, Bonnie, can I be honest with you? I don't like stereotypical that smoke and hot. I've always like girls who are like big girls. I like a nice fucked up tooth. I like a big, I like, excuse me, I love big noses. I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I I have a very similar set of guidelines. I believe it's defined as I'll fuck anything. That's not what I'm saying. That is not what I'm saying.

No, I'm saying that. I have a very Dr. Suss approach myself. Big talk. That's not what I'm saying. I think that when you're going to meet Be With Suss, I'm going over here. That's not what I'm saying. I think that when you're going to be with somebody, I think that my wife looks like she's. Oh, guys, guys, guys, guys.

Are you fucking sleeping? Don't worry. Next week, we're doing a narcaleptic podcast. What the why did you bring her? Why did you bring a higher lady in the third row? What? What is she on drugs? Do you have know how to do that? Somebody had too many jello shots at the Shins release party earlier today. Inside jokes? Yes, it's a soft bite. I don't think that's true, by the way.

I think women do judge by looks. I think women do judge the same way. I think not women or men, a certain type of human being goes for gorgeous people, all good looking, or what they say. I don't think it's a boring girl. It's a personality. That subgroup is gorgeous people.

Yeah, no. Because it's gorgeous people, like gorgeous people. Men can overcome their physical flaws. I don't think it's that easy. But it's the girl I worked with. She, because we were talking about our good friend and comedian Chris Fairbanks and she goes, oh my god, he's so hot. And I was talking to Charlie.

Chris Fairbanks is fucking hot. I go, who thinks, you think Chris Fairbanks is hot? And she goes, everybody thinks Chris Fairbanks is hot. People think he's got very classical, like, Errol Flynn, the book. What is this, a nerdy, you know, comic book? What did you say? Shut the fuck up, Derozo. He's got, I'm sorry.

Look him up. He looks like an... He looks like Errol Flynn. I'm a film buff. It's the only thing buff about me, but... Oh, he's going to fucking fuck. Fucking body. She's a worse. What are the fucking musketeers here? Look, here's the deal when it comes down to when you're married.

The looks, obviously, you get past that. And, yeah, obviously, Rickson. He's, he's speaking for me. But if you can lay in bed with somebody that makes you laugh, and that will share, uh, share a non-chose with you, and likes the same TV shows, and you can lay in bed with somebody that makes you laugh and that will share non-shows with you and likes the same TV shows, that's what it comes down to. Everything else is just fucking, it's, Bobby says, Bobby, shut up your ass. No, but you're telling that. Some point, and just like, I'm just doing laundry. You're telling the truth, but you don't have to think you're Adam sorry, I'm sorry, I'm

saying long E.T. But it scares the shit out of me. But it's day, but I'm sorry, it's magical, I feel like it's going to do something, turn Bonnie into a frog. But he said this exact same thing that you said to me, that you said just now, the exact thing that you said just now, Bonnie said that exact same thing to me backstage about you, except she said, you know, the list, you can get that said.

That's what you're talking about. You fucking interrupted me to say, you basically said, I thought it was gonna be fun. Why don't you take that thing and point it to yourself and disappear. Listen to me, Bonnie, you can just find another one. Where the fuck are you going?

I have a sandwich too, I'm scared. Oh, look at that. I like, hey. The funniest thing said at this podcast so far. She was ready. I like Vince and Ember. I like little flat butts too. Again, my wife.

Your wife just got out of the flat butt. Are you kidding me? I feel like I'm fucking... I don't say it. No. But I say it. No, she has a nice ass now. You want to say that's great ass because she does cross-pig.

It's in your movie. You show your ass. Yes. And I remember when I... This was a... Because I don't like seeing naked... I don't like... Like my friends, they go look at my wife's tits. I would never look you know Does that is that a threep?

Yes, like I do it and guy up and out Why think I told you this before but I there was one guy and I asked him to send me a video and then he sent me a video of him coming on other people And then just random people yeah like a random check Is it a festival video of him fucking Like one of those Jimmy Kimmel things that they do outside in the street. Okay. Hollywood and Highland. I watched her a couple times,

but then I felt bad for having it. So I had to delete it, because I don't know if the girl was okay with that. What was he, who was he coming on? Like just strangers? Was he at a party? No, I knew it. He was leaving.

You're a wife. I knew the people. I don't know, just a random person. That's weird. I don't like that shit. I don't like videos. I don't like, and I would never look at, but when I stand by, what does the matter with you?

Well, what the, I'm just a picture of his car. Well, I think that brings you back to be married 17 years. I got married pre-app. Like I have, I got married pre-app. We know. I'm on a smartphone. married free smartphone and so oh that 2007 you got married oh I just say something now he just showed me a picture of his cock yeah and that's all that's in my head his fat years trying to help with that old man penis you got a nice piece rich

I'm not gonna I guarantee Why because all we've been talking about is dudes assholes and riches cock For 38 minutes pal You're trying to steer it towards a fucking at least technology You know this is what I got what I have ideas to you guys have Dick pick enhancer it is weird though because out when we when we were meeting girls when before we got married There was no technology at all you had had to throw to a bar, talk, go out again, I mean, spend all night, and girls had to do the same shit

where you would have to invest a lot of time and effort into if you wanted to even just hook up. And very rarely did it just, you kiss somebody and start fucking each other. You at least spend all night just going what about this I want to do that and what about I want to do this real estate and blah blah blah and then wind back up at their house So you're your house and fuck around now the app you just fucking sign on and there's no effort There's no there's nothing you hit bum. Yes, media and then fuck boom. Yeah, I still only do it that way

I am a single man and I still only do it that way. I am a single man, and I still cold calling, fucking door to door, man. That was a jack lemon. That was an answer bullshit. Those apps are fucking bullshit. No. Get in there, get your hands dirty.

I made a wish in there, good. Back in my day, it was a half a gram of coke. That's it. Yeah, and a horse ride. I, a horse ride. I know horse ride. Take a look at that. Who in here uses Tinder? I do.

One guy? That's it? Nonsense. Oh, man. No women use Tinder. No women in here right now are on Tinder. Not one. They're on Bumble, probably.

Is that any woman on here and I'm dating at? Yeah, I'm gonna. Okay, don't say it sad, it's okay. Have you met any good guys off of it? Yeah. I thought you weren't on it. What the fuck? Now you're all coming out of the woodwork.

What do you have you met a good guy on it? What's your name? What's the definition of good? Like a good night of sex? A guy that doesn't want you to use his ass hole. Is he with you right now? Oh, there's two of them. Oh, there was none. And now there's there.

You met a good guy on it. I've met a couple of nice guys. A couple. Oh, shit. It was the first one not nice enough, because you told them to beat it, right? What about the second one? Get a little bit better.

Oh, she's still with him. No, no. How do you, see you dumped him too. See you're back into the fishing on the app. You're trying to get really, are you looking for long-term or just hookups? Long-term. Oh, have you, wait, wait, but wait, so okay, long term, but have you hooked up with those

two guys? Okay, so you lie in about long term. Yeah, so long term. She enjoys herself while she's looking for the long term. Yeah, you can't, but you got to get off Tinder if you want long term. I could. Tinder is not a long term app. Tinder is meant, it's grinder for straight people.

It's supposed to be. Yeah, but you can try to fuck people while you're looking for a husband. Yeah. I think you should, I think you owe your love life $30. If you want to meet your soulmate, that's a harm just saying, you know, go to match and pay some money. And, you know, you know,

you know, to swipe your way into happy business. I know those things are different. I think Tinder, you're looking to fuck, and then you're looking for a husband out in the world. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, okay. Yeah, we agree. All right.

All right. I think you guys should fuck. I think you'd fuck him. I think we just made a match right here. He's that sexist so many of my friends. Oh, Jesus. Can you please stop saying that publicly? Absolutely. It's impossible. He's that sex with so many of my friends. Oh Jesus. Can you please stop saying that publicly?

Is it possible that maybe you just don't say that publicly? Thank you. I appreciate it. I just don't have secrets Yeah, she told us about a hole in her ass Why wouldn't she fucking rat you out fucking thin finger to that's all We lose anymore people Can we ask what these matching hats are about? Yeah, what is it? What's it called?

What is it? Are you guys gonna go on shark's ink? Realized what what does it do because all other names were taken? What is throwing up here throwing up here come up here with it. Oh, you caught that like it was a brisket. You know happy he was. I bet if we replayed the footage you had. Where are you going? You motherfucker!

Oh take a piss, okay, come back. What are you doing? If I do it was a guy, I know he's not leaving. What the fuck? Shut up, I'm gonna do it. When does this come up? When you want to look like fucking spanky from the Hark egg? Oh.

Oh. Oh. I don't understand this. Listen man, I think you're not onto something. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha over it. What is this when you want to get some cancer and some your eyes? Hey guys, hey, Bobby, hey, Bobby, listen to me, what the fuck why? Why did you have a zipped you I know, that's higher now. There is no occasion when I've ever worn a fucking baseball hat and said, you know, if we could just get rid of the fucking brim on this. This is going to be the short A. You're going to be great if you can zip it over your horn.

So you can change your cock at a concert. Wow. I took their toes off my shoes. What was your goal? You know what? Well where's the other brim? Oh there's all-turnturned brims. Oh, zipper's always easy to start.

For all this, for all this time you're going, my brim clashes. What do I do? Yeah, this is, this is easy when you're drunk. Yeah. Honey, help me with my, my visor. Oh, this is fucking... I went over 16 different colored brims.

You can swap it out. Oh, you're gonna turn into a dress queue. You have to go swap missions. Look at that. See what it looks like here. You don't want to go fly fishing with the wrong brim. Wow. You can be stranded on an island.

I wish that joke was, whose parents gave them money to do this. Whose parents, how many times... I wanted to get a joke. I wanted to get a joke. I wanted to get a joke. I wanted to get a joke. I wanted to get a joke. I wanted to get a joke. I wanted to get a joke. I wanted to get a joke. I wanted to get a joke. I wanted to get a joke.

I wanted to get a joke. I wanted to get a joke. I wanted to get a joke. them thinks he's a vampire. The other one thinks hats should have detachable brims. Jesus, fucking Christ. You know what I do? Sometimes I buy two hats. I mean, I think, where's that bomb rag?

I kind of like the idea. Here's the look, look, all right? Guess what? Yeah, you three you three said I'm asking them Guess what how many brands does it come with? Just the two these two that's it just these two you don't have any says make America great again But why but you know what my problem is? Just these two you don't have any it says make America great again, but why But you know what my problem is Doesn't matter what the brim is it always has to attach to this

What can I like this? You're boss shut up for a time. I like this. Give me that. Oh, here you go. Do you want me to wear this somewhere because I have a lot of followers? He can have it? What about, it's my fucking show.

You don't like it, I like it. You're gonna wear that. No, it's free, I'll give it to somebody. Yeah, we'll take your other vise. Take your nighttime visor. What the fuck? Nobody, nobody you know went there. Don't do this.

How many of you show? No, one person you know. I want to ask you one question to be honest. No, one person you know, I want to ask you one question to be honest. No, one person you know I did. This is stupid. Okay, your friends don't like you. How many of you sold online so far? We're going to be Shark Tank now.

You're going to do your presentation. Three months we've got 5,000 followers on Instagram. How many hats have you sold? How many hats have you sold? Are you sold? You sold 45 okay, and how much you sell them for a piece? Okay, what did they cost to make? $22 Do they make the girl you're making a 200% profit?

Don't tell him what are you not you being recorded honey? Don't listen to him what are you nuts, you're being recorded honey. Don't send him. I'm worth doing shark tank, I'm gonna see it, I wanna invest. I got money, I'm a headliner. Now do any of these come with a pink dildo. I think it's a good idea, I'm listening to you. If you don't follow your dreams, you know what I mean? Can I tell you something before he fucking rambles out of control?

You know what you should do is under here, put a little zipper for a pocket. So you can put your money to, called the two zipper right here. So you can put your money or an ID so you don't have to take it out. And that way, do you shit? Oh, I'm drunk. I spent all my money. Oh shit. Is it?

Oh, man. But then you're at a nightclub and going, I'm sorry, I left my ID in my other brim. Yeah. And if you have over $20, you can't go out with it. Good luck. I didn't get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to No, it's not going to come. Give it to somebody. Give it to somebody that's going to, you know, people are going to go, oh, look at that hat. You know what I mean? Yeah, you wear that hat or go, oh, look at that.

Look at that. Look at the glasses. The glasses. The glasses. Where? The glasses. The glasses. The glasses.

Come up here. Like a student. But don't be too confident, okay? That's not going to be a problem. In-breath, realism. Yeah, be a little. Yeah. Glasses come up here like a student, but don't be too confident, okay? Yeah, be a little yeah, can we like this hat? Great We're also gonna throw in a sandwich. Can you please? What time do you have to be home? Also, can you please- Is this your Rick's hot driver from last night?

Can you not stand like you just touched your little brother inappropriately? I'm kidding, you guys are this guy out here. You guys show him, are you fucking kidding me, Doretha? Oh, thank you, mother Teresa. He's a regular person. Yes, we're regular people, too. What do we? Yeah.

Now, he's not what he starts wearing this. Listen, what's your name? Will. Will. Will. Will you just repeat it? Do you think of something? Yeah, I wonder the scar brothers.

Are you in high school? Yes. You're a sophomore. Hey, Lisa, what do you think? Would you? Would you let him touch one of your holes? Do you like gladiator movies? You would do a podcast naked. Do you have a girlfriend? Well, where is this?

Yeah, will this in no one else? Well, here you go, man. Why do you like it? It's all why you like it? I like it because... Well, firstly, it's free. Why do you like it? It tells why you like it? Well, firstly it's it's free. Okay, and stop for a second. Stop for one second Everybody close your eyes and then I want you to just talk

Why do you like it? I love the hat because... How sexy is he, right? If you didn't ever have to visually see him... No, I mean, he's cute, but he's a little boy! You don't even... Oh god! But his voice is all grown up. Yeah. So why?

You were really great voice, dude. Thank you. You're welcome. That's fucking Katie, right? He's changing it. It's getting deeper as he stays up here. The fuck is coming out of you? I can't. I like this because I do the announcements at school and so it's it's great. Can you do an announcement for us?

A quick recap of the podcast Thank you in your announcements voice If you're just tuning in. Yes. Okay, if you're just now tuning in. We have a man here who looks like Danny DeVito, but bald. I don't know if I like this. No, I didn't say fucking roast everybody. I said, just give a fucking recap I don't need to do start doing bits. I said just fucking take us back through what we did Why do myself see right up to fucking gorilla's it? I'm giving you a shot. I've said nothing but nice things

I'm gonna get you late tonight And you're fucking gonna Fucking cancer Danny Davina Fuck the what the fuck did I do? You're gonna have a choice of a girl with four holes. Now do this nice. Why do you do the same joke twice? I don't know, what the fuck, they don't remand.

Why don't we have, why don't we have them do an ad for the hats? All right, let's do an ad for the hat. That sounds like a good one about that. I don't know if he could do the whole recap. I don't know if he can do the whole recap. Yeah, he's just a quick recap. I wanted just a quick recap. Can you do a quick recap? Just a quick recap.

But in the deep sexy voice. I have been paying the most bit of attention, but I've been enjoying it. We've had the whole lady. Yeah. We've had the guy that kind of looks like the IT guy from the office. Roasting.

Roasting. Why do you keep going in the right place? I the IT guy from the office. He's roasting, he's roasting, he's roasting. Why do you keep going in the right place? I said, go to an air! I said, go to an air! He's on the news, what the hell? It's not your fault, it's our energy. He's so rich. We brought this on!

He's going great! We've done nothing but attack each other. That's what all my shows about. He's just smashing each other. And then we've taught him we've made fucking Darth Vader. You set the bug. You set the bug. You set the bug.

You set the bug. You set the bug. You set the bug. You set the bug. You set the bug. You set the bug. You set the bug. You set the bug.

You set the bug. You set the bug. You set the bug. You set the bug. You set the bug. You set the bug. You set the bug. You set the bug. You can't say that. It's a song or a body. It's gross. You make a whale joke and punch it. I'm not making a whale joke. That's fucking beneath me. Damn it.

Sorry. All right, take us right up to where Bobby's spitt up is drink. I'm not. I'm not. Fuck it out. Fuck it out. Just watch this.

You can't do it. Don't make fun of anybody. You can't do it. Okay. Don't make fun of anybody, just look and quick recap. Nothing? I want an ad for the fucking hats in. Don't say that's your idea, that was my idea. I just asked him. I just asked him.

I want you to do what you do in your school. So when you come in the morning, the fucking, whatever the fucking bell is, I know that was a phone. I'm not, I don't do, the fucking voice work, whatever. Listen, give us what you do for the school. I want to do for the school. Yes, go.

All right, we start with the pledge of allegiance. Is there a flag? We can't, listen, we can't do that here. All these fucking people get whipped up with the political aspect. I'm not giving that, that's, gee, I don't believe in that God. I believe in the universe. All right, listen. Did everybody people in this room have burned flakes?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I press the dial. Say good morning at the beginning of the school day let us please stand as we honor our country Which is like the weirdest sentence just as they were gonna do the pledge You say that part? Just want to do it! You did it!

Do it! I actually do stand. Do it after the pledge just after the pledge what goes on next? Do the whole announcement. This guy wants to fuck it. Do it after the pledge just after the pledge what goes on next do the whole announcement this guy wants to fucking do it You're doing a DVD commentary to a high school fucking announcement right now. Just do the announcement We're asking you to not listen Wayne Brady don't improv We want you you're in school right now. All these students, everybody's a student.

The hot blonde in the front, she's a student. The creepy guy with the hat, with no zipper. He's a student. Okay? He's your classmates. I'm the principal. This is the assistant principal. Fuck it, whatever her name is.

I'll be the nurse. Yeah, she's the nurse. I like is. I'll be the nurse. Yeah, she's the nurse. Oh, I like that. She'll be the hot teacher. She'll be a hot teacher. Joe's not the gym teacher. He's a... He's the janitor right now. He's the janitor.

And then, and then Al's all other teachers. Just every teacher. Do it. Ready? One, two, boom, boom, boom. Thank you. For announcements today, there will be a student council meeting and Mrs. Halcum's room. For lunch today, is chicken nuggets, or what do we have? Tetrazini, and for all the cart is pizza. Thank you and have a good day. I live in Oklahoma to really

small town, so we don't't there's not a lot going Dude you have Tetra Zini at school. Yes, wait you came from Oklahoma to Yeah, by yourself. No, my dad's here. Oh How are you? I got fucking five minutes How are you up? I got fucking five minutes. This way this way this way not that way you're fucking Come up on up dad It looks like he's on the senior golf tour

All right, don't cover your penis like he did. That'd be weird. It's like a family thing. That's right, it's right. Hello. Hi, dad. Oh my God, you look like every dad and every movie ever. Huh? Or a killer.

I just didn't shave. I was coming to Austin. What did you say? What is this fabric? Jesus Christ. What is this? Did you put zippers on there? Yeah.

You know what would make that better if you could take the sleeves off and swap them out with other colored sleeves. If you guys have an idea. If you want a red collar, you can have a red. You want a blue collar, have a blue collar. Do you think of these hats, be honest? With the zipper? Yeah. I never really want a blue collar, I have a blue collar. How would you say that? You think of these hats, really honest. With a zipper?

Yeah, I got it. Don't worry, he's not hip, he's hip. Dad, you don't like the zipper hat? No, sorry. Where are you from again? Metford, Oklahoma. Oklahoma, yeah, you sound it. You sound more like Oklahoma than your son. He sounds

very neutral. What did you guys come here for? He had interviews with a comedian. Who did he want to interview? No, he did. Well, speak. I'm doing like the Judd Apatow thing. When Judd was 16, he went and interviewed a bunch of comedians Oh, that's great. She's gonna be more famous than us in her eight years Fuck out of here fucking beat it We don't get that No, give me a wheel right, man. Yeah. Well, well, come on back up.

You can have this at nobody wants this. Wait, do me a favor when you're rich and famous, right? Will you wear this at? Or like a late show? Ha, ha, ha. I'm going to be back. I'll bring that up. Well, thanks for coming on.

Good luck. All right, we're going to wrap this up. Here we go. For will. Before we wrap it up, you know, one of the things about these festivals, first of all, South by Southwest, I wanna thank them, I wanna thank the laugh button.

They put this in true TV and see, so all you guys come together and you put these festivals on and you added comedy to them, and each year it's gotten better and better and better, and it's fucking awesome and fun and as comics comics it's one of the only times we get to come together because we're all headlining in different places that we get to hang out and it's great that you guys come down and they always give like swag and cool stuff so the YKWD podcast got swag for everybody tonight I got

you guys a bunch of gifts so So Mack, can you bring them out? I got everybody called Joe ahead liner. Yes, I did everybody's got gifts The audience I What do you got show much you got? Yeah, Bonnie's got a bruise banana American flag cuz of you Oh, that's a receipt from last night. Oh, look at this. I got chips. What do you got? Who got the Rixxider?

Yeah. What do you got? Nothing. I got trash. No, that's not trash. That's my water from earlier. And that's a napkin in a twizzler. Those are fuck, that twizzler is going to come in handy later.

You have stuff from another comedian show in here. This is Guy Brandannum stuff. Bobby, the twizzlers are not rap. That's for you, if you want to, you know. You have a NASA sticker, I like that. Yeah, that's cool, right? What's that? Look at that, Joe. You're going to love that.

What is it? I don't know what it is. That's a poster. They don't know what this is in this area. That's a flag. What is this? This is Texas. Bobby, I really, this is really nice to you. Thank you, you guys like he gives Bob a flag. What is this? This is Texas. Bobby, I really, this is really nice to you. Thank you, you guys like he gives Bobby a lot. Yeah, great, great bit, Bobby.

Very creative. I've never seen one. I love to put garbage in a bag. I'll get him. I've never seen Bobby part with this much food. I know. What's happening? Where does this? Did you I know. What's happening? Where does this...

Did you want to throw the candy somewhere? All right, you got it. Can I have that? Yeah, we're not waiting till the roast. LAUGHTER Right to the end, you're a fucking mean cocksucker boss. All right, thank you. I want to thank everybody for coming out. Thanks for listening to YKW podcast. If you don't know now

You fucking know stay right here. We have a great show coming up right after this from the last button good night everybody take care The YKW podcast Thanks for listening Now go back to your shitty jobs Y para que se vea un canal de la vida. Y para que se vea un canal de la vida. Y para que se vea un canal de la vida. Y para que se vea un canal de la vida. Y para que se vea un canal de la vida. Y para que se vea un canal de la vida. Y para que se vea un canal de la vida. Y para que se vea un canal de la vida.

Y para que se vea un canal de la vida. Y para que se vea un canal de la vida. Y para que se vea un canal de la vida. Y para que se vea un canal de la vida. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea.

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