Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - T-Shirts for Mikey

Episode Date: March 17, 2014

Robert is joined by Oni Perez, Alexis Guerreros, Joe List, Kelly Fastuca and Chris Scopo. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hitler's Jerry Shepardine That was an old one? That's yeah, old one. I like that one better than the Do yeah, yeah I do a little lengthy though. No, I got a wife to feed I'll use in a god of divina as our intro am I too hot? I think I'm hot. You're hot. No, I got nothing You got it all. Oh boy. I'm getting a reputation for complaining on it's all you do that's all you do I

know I know you're literally one of the nicest guys I've ever met one of the sweetest human beings but you're also just a cunt from New England yeah you're literally both parallel running parallel well I Kelly introduced the room no problem so we've got to my right. We've got the truth Can I just say it's so transparent that you don't know everyone's name? You ask Kelly Bobby always introduces everyone. I'm very hot here Bobby always introduces anyone unless to somebody whose name he doesn't know and Many very casually acts like it's Kelly's job. I know I don't I don't I don't I never met we've never met once

Yeah, I know only so yes when't, we never met. We've never met. We met once. I know only. So yes, when we have new people on the show, I have Kelly introduced, because she has all the names written down, because she, so that's exactly, so yes, I'm not gonna fucking embarrass, I'm not gonna embarrass these people go, hey, would you fucking name again? That's your bit. What are you talking about? That's my bit after we go in.

Kelly introducing his favorite and body. I'm very comfortable calling me chief the whole time. Chief. Hey, sport. I was just going to fucking die-carry spots. Well, because you're cheap, because he thinks you're a native American. How come? You're sitting next to your wife only. You're fucking fat squad wife.

My parents would be happy. He's Cuban, so I think good. We both get along. Like an only does look like a fat squad. You could be a native American. Yeah. Only looks like the wife that the chief would give you, that you're like, no, no, no, no, I'm good.

You know what, you just take the rugs. You save my daughter. I have this one. I'm after you get cattle. Right now it's becoming evident that soda's not here, because he would be doing a nine minute I'm not trying to complain But for the audience I feel like I'm distorted am I crazy?

Yeah, you're fucking nuts. Yes, yes My headphones are very loud. Oh, you got a thing. Yeah, I adjust my head. Yes. No, we will do it for you fat So yes, just like just like me. It was me. I'm sorry You think I yeah I think I just like Kelly for Stookie you got some hot cans You can figure in the air. Sorry, but those you don't know. I did that joke right before we came on air So got more the second time. Let's I think I love more let's keep going. Okay, fresh from he's very popular.

Tuesday's with Story Podcast. Millions and millions of fans. Only 780,000. That was a loose counting. I guess they are. They're talking a little shit on that podcast about us. What were they saying? I got it.

That episode's not out yet. No, the one today. What'd they say? We didn't shoot on the podcast today. Yeah, you said so shit. What we didn't shoot on the podcast today What they said you did a certain podcast downtown that's you know, give it a little Like that's not no I said you're giving getting flak. I had a good line on the what did you say? What did you say? Well that one? I think I just said that you guys are shitting what's the one you say? What's the what did you live when I had a good one?

Lewis did some crazy filthy joke and it got nothing he was like like, if this is the, you know what, dude? And I kind of obnoxiously said, a bunch of people would be yelling over you. Yeah. Yeah. One thing you guys do a full episode, just shitting all over my show, we lost 900 followers. Scopo brings it up like the middle brother. And I do one thing, and you know what's 900 follows? That's not even a drop of the fuck it to your millions.

We don't even give a shit. I am Mark Norman, this is my co-host Joe. Hey Joe last we have millions and millions of fans. I have coordinated So we're very proud of you, Joe. Thank you, Kelly. I appreciate it. Joe list the truth Okay, now truth Okay, now Do you write you've never been on the show before but one of the co-hosts of the Fox Sports who actually we met in Australia? We met in Australia

Australia I remember that we've chatted about it so Fox Sports show Craig goes well my We just do some as it wants nothing to do with you I whatever fucking thing you were trying to buy it wants nothing to do with you. No, I would have a fucking thing you were trying to buy. We met in Australia, and then we also remet downstairs, I think. And it not at the Comedy Cellar, like on the street. Yeah, and it could be more unimpressed with me.

Yeah, oh really? Yeah. Don't I act unimpressed? Are people supposed to act unimpressed? No. No, I'm not going to throw that away. I don't understand that. What is he's supposed to do? What's impressed? Yeah, what is he supposed to ask him pressed? No, no I don't understand it. What is he's what's impressed? Yeah, what is he Like I said he acted on impress anyway. Yeah, what?

Corporate, but I don't know. We met in Australia very impressive I don't Kelly. What is he supposed to do when he meets you on the street? I'm just trying to mean what does that mean? I don't understand what that means no I could have I could have recalled Sooner that we had met I think it's probably what had happened Oh, you could have put it slightly. I was on a one month tour there and By myself and what that means is in the third day your drunk for the rest of the month So it's a very good chance that I met you. I maybe have been very very drunk

So she was too probably as if it's fucking fast response that's a problem that you're to remember her I mean what's possible that's the real reason it's way better and you shouldn't remember her fucking ordinary face well the other the other thing is that you're very non-memorable how about how about oh shit that is not like when someone comes into her territory in Zing's. No, no. That's the one, yeah. Kelly got big trouble coming. It is very nice to see you again.

Thank you for even researching my name, correct pronunciation, and something that I'm doing right now, so thank you for coming. Can I say this though? Much your name again? Michael Cossack has my name, Bobby. What's he? How it works in later, Joe. I'm not gonna stop.

I'm gonna cost it with a cake. Michael. Michael. Yes. It might be you don't remember, because when you saw her, she was 40 pounds lighter. That's true. I don't know if that's true, is that true? Probably, yeah.

I think there's nothing better than making fun of women's weight in front of seven other men. I think that's a great way. First of all, the most of the matter is just fatty. Yeah, well, yeah. Everybody in the left side of the room can make fun of her weight.

Can they tell me they love me? Make fun of her weight. I like Kelly love me. Make fun of her way. I like Kelly Heavy. I don't like thin Kelly. Thin Kelly makes me look sick, and I don't like it, and your gap is too big when you're thin. Anyways, keep going. All of your gaps.

I don't know that face. Let's move on. This face between you Busy. Yeah, I know. Okay, oh. This face is between. That's a Dave Matthews thing. I love you so. Let's get this girl in a letter rolls. You could just had a chest pain. Oh, no. Is that because of my voice? Do not stop the show. Are you smelling toast?

Don't roll. Don't roll. Hey, salad or rice? Yeah, if you smell toast, it's bad. Are you smelling toast for real? It tastes aluminum, too. That's also kind of a myth, but supposedly if you smell aluminum and toast, it could be a heart. Based on an episode of sopranos, it's burnt hair.

Okay. Also, if you're smelling anything, I think that means. Well, maybe if you've got a double over or in pain, maybe that's the fact that- Could you just wait till after my intro to die? That's the fact that you're- Ah, yes, I will, guys. Also, if you can move and it relieves the pain.

Introduce the fatter of the tube. That's the fact. I can ask him my wife. He's back. He's back. Are you ready? He meant me, but. Thank you, everybody. You didn't mention the hammer fisting

podcast that I'm not gonna mention it if Lewis isn't here that's fine I mean you know fucking Kelly your fat dumb you know funny why would you not do that why would you imagine hammer fisting I was I was thinking of Lewis when you you zined Kelly you went to maybe didn't recognize you because she's lost 400 pounds Which you got out without anyone losing their mind Lewis would have been all over that. Yeah boy. This is a real Nicely done. You want to explain how other show stopper Show stop is good dumb dumb. I know it's Tuesday, but it's not that Tuesday show

Speed it up. Let's go. I we got Chris Skipper on the can. Did you do it? I did. I liked his Guerrero. I did. She didn't did change it. I did, but they were talking. Like, I had to show.

Yeah, you got to add your... I got to pop gifts called Show Me Your Bits. Show me your bits. What is that? I play a comic's bit and then we talk and we break it down. That's kind of interesting. I want you to be on it, that's why I'm here. That's very interesting.

Cool, cool. Well, it's nice to have you here as well. And it's, obviously you're here to have Bobby on your show, but I'd say like it's nice that we get to hang out as well. That's so cool. I like the corporate. I like the corporate. I like the corporate. I'm not like corporate. He just said in front of all of us the reason he's here is to get Bobby on his podcast. I was wondering what are we? This is the fatty side. This is the L.A. I like his little smug comment. I don't know how to make it funny. Look across.

This is your problem, Kelly. I'm gonna tell you right now. Look who's looking great. Okay. He's a fucking good looking guy. He's not into fucking banging you. He can't even a little zing at the beginning. And now you fucking turn the rest of the show.

He's on your fucking dumb shit list. Let it go, Kelly. Really resent. This is what you should do. Find a mountain. Try to fucking guy like only And you'll be your life will be better. Do you know? Are you crazy try to fucking ask him a wife like oh try to fuck a lesbian like I look at the show just went that way, but just shooting on only try to fuck a piece of shit like only

I'm like a dumbass. Try to fuck a mouth that can bite through seal skin only. Jesus Christ. Alright, and we got Chris Goppo to my right, who is the man behind the camera, all you people watching live, we're live right now. What's the chat room says nice stinker Joe Another one. Oh, yeah, they did speak because this one says if I zoom in on my iPad it cuts out Kelly Where's the camera? That's my favorite line in the history. You gotta really zoom in. I should hashtag that. What else? Does it have Moe Bobby?

Anybody else? And then one. That's it really. That's it? Let me see. Maybe the guy was talking about my asshole. Joe's got a nice sticker. It's on the internet.

It's all over the internet. Covered in Braille. That nice sticker. I like it. But folks, that silence you hear is Bobby on his phone. No, it's not my phone. I'm reading the chat room you fucking ape Well, though you didn't you hire a guy with nice hair to be asked to read the chat room?

God oh boy, I can't wait for the day you can button that shirt That's gonna be exciting. Let me tell you something about that. I don't look great, let's go. No, this is the hard part is that when you lose weight, I did lose weight, but I'm not, you know, I'm definitely not there. Absolutely, yeah. I'm talking to my therapist and there's a part

that I was up for and I needed to be fat for this audition. And I was like, I'm kind of scared because I'm losing weight and I don't know what to do. He goes, you're fine. I was like, I'm kind of scared because I'm losing weight and I don't know what to do. He goes, you're fine. I was like, why don't you just keep losing weight? In fact, you should go to the gym too. I think it's funny if you started a new email account called casting whatever, and then just emailed yourselves.

We need a fat guy and you're like, okay, just keep coming in. You're gonna pay the bills? A lot of guys. How many, how many, how many, how many pounds do you have to, I mean, does one have to gain? You have to audition fat? Like, I feel like that you get the part

and then they say you have to be fat. No, that's if you're famous or good actor. Right. When you're going out on casting calls or if you're looking for moderate fat and everything you go on is fat. But is it safe, fat or is it a big, big, big? It's as heavy, it it's heavy or big I

remember one I wear I read for one and though the the lady audition was terrible it said fat old lady so these women would have to come in and on the scripts they have all the sides for the it would say fat old lady I remember this broad came in and she's a fat old lady and she just read the thing She goes, oh Jesus couldn't they write heavy? Yes You still showed up you fat old lady Additions of the saddest so sad. Yeah, do you go on to show? I've done few man a couple Yeah, let's not say a few a few is I've done to first commercial

I ever the first commercial I ever booked was a local commercial for a sports, for SNY, and I was fat guy in small jet shirt. And it was just a bunch of dudes in the audition room. Me, you in a jet shirt. Yeah. But it was a woman's jet shirt, it was covered in like glitter. By the way, it took two people to take it off me. My face was covered in green glitter for the rest of the day.

Oh fuck. Aditions for commercials have to be the worst. Because first of all, even on the callback, you'll get a callback on a commercial and you're like, oh my God, this is great. And then it's everybody. They'll, they call back everybody. Everybody. And it used to be they would have to print

and message over you the piece of paper. Like this is an, you know, before email. Now they just email a thousand people and say show up to this thing. I got fired by my commercial agent because the addition was for yo play and I had to eat yogurt and they said, show up ready to eat yogurt.

And I just pictured a hundred people in a fucking box of yogurt that's been sitting there all day in like room temperature yogurt And I said I'm sorry. I don't want to eat yogurt if I get booked I'll eat all the fucking yogurt in the world and they said you don't if you don't want to eat yogurt in the addition And they they got upset and then that was the last time I audition for every audition had yogurt Just old commercial yogurt. I don't know that wasn't my thing. It's a fucking commercials Just old commercial yogurt. I don't know that wasn't my thing. It's a fucking commercials. Commercial auditions are fucking sad, man. Because this is what they do too is they make you pantomime. It's like they don't even have us. Could you just go get a basketball? So I don't have to be fucking. I don't know what the fuck am I French?

I mean, just go down, run down the street, Models. Get a fucking ball. And let me show, I don't have to pretend to bounce and chew gum when I walk in. I had to do an audition that ended up, you have this, where you go on audition, and then who's the guy from SNL that quit and then did a Verizon commercial? Bill Hader.

Bill Hader, yeah, yeah. I had to audition for that. First of all, it's weird when you audition. I was like, Phil Hartman, I thought I didn't know that wasn't the reason. Everybody would have to. Everybody would have one. And you two fucking lumps are listening,

like fucking audience. I was gonna say Michael Chey, but I thought that was a mic in front of you at all. It's on. I'm glad they didn't say anything. Joe Piscop. But it's weird when you go on audition and then Bill Hater gets it,

which also it's weird to quit SNL and then do a Verizon thing. But it was the one where the commercial was you running around plugging in, it was a question about your phone dying and you got to keep plugging your phone in all these different things. So I'm running around an audition room, they didn't even have a real phone or a real phone charger.

Just give me a phone charger. And you had to be able to fake plug it in. Yeah, and I just feel silly. Which is so funny that they actually wanted me to eat yogurt because like you're saying every single time it is like just pretend like you're eating yogurt. I did a vodka commercial in a audition in LA and there was a earthquake in the middle of the read.

Great comedian. And the woman said he popped in. He actually booked it. He booked it. He booked it. He goes just keep going and I'm like there's a fucking earthquake outside. I'm not going to keep going. I did not get it and then and then you have the other thing which is the voiceover audition

Which is a bunch of failed fucking anchors or a bald backpacks like they can't Visually get apart right they can't sound like a kid, but they sound amazing Like you just the, you just, so anyways, it's like, what the fuck, I think I know you. But now on TV, 100% of the TV voiceovers are celebrity. It's the worst. It's unbelievable. It used to be voiceover artists.

After the strike, after the strike, everything fucking switched. When there was no pilot season for that year, when fucking, remember when you were a TV guy and there was movie guys, okay? You never, movie guys never went back to TV and told the strike and now I was suddenly, wait a minute, I can make $200,000 in episode

for 13 or 26 episodes for eight years, be set for the rest of my life make more money than I'll ever make doing a bit part in a fucking I'm in. So all those guys when they used to make stars through TV. And then they became movie stars that shit's over. But wouldn't you also say part of that though is HBO really changing the game and effects. And now TV is different. There's more production value and they're put,

I don't, this is a question. I think you guys are more of a LA. I think it's both, but here's the thing, is that of course we had less TV channels. Now there's a fucking, and the TV is now brilliant. I mean, they create great shows where, and it's because of those great actors that were movie stars coming back to do TV, absolutely.

But still, you eliminated the star factor. You eliminated a bunch of jobs. And like he said, back in the day, it was a guy with a great voice who did the commercial. Now it's fucking, who was it? Not Fontaine, right? Who's the fucking guy who just did the Samsung commercial? Neil Brennan.

Neil fucking Brennan. Yeah. I'm sitting there going, why am I aggravated right now? Oh, why not want to buy a Samsung? It's fucking Neil Brennan's country voice. But remember the guy who used to do all the trailers in a world, that guy? He died. One of the friends says go?

No. That guy died too. Something off Fontaine when he died. No, it's a liberty started getting Beos as close as you can get to it. Well now though trailers don't have any voice There's no voice over trailers anymore. Yeah, if you watch a trailer They used to wear kids. It was always a voice over trailer It's a guy. It's cheesy now. You don't need one thing. You know they figured out how to do Tray. No, no, but I'm sorry. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no but i'm sorry no you don't think you're the excitement go ahead and about this you love the

you've always love the old they fucked up trailers and Roger ebert i first read it from him but uh... we can talk uh... hell of a we're the same jawline so you talk to mumbled you know the same job that's jawline now uh... nothing but i'll tell you that it's jaw removed know, but now he's dead, so it's even fucking flatter. Can I have that bandana that didn't make his body tie that? Yeah, I just fucked it. That's called the bomb bandana,

so you know who gave the last stinker out? Oh great, and I started with it. Yeah, that's great. We just assumed you would be with him. I wrote the bomb bandana. With your looks, you wouldn't be funny. Bomb bandana, yeah, it's rough. What's the worst? It'd be awesome. You had to wear that

on stage as a comic like if you bombed the last time you have to wear the bomb bandana. That would be rough. Can I give this back to you? Yeah, throw that right there. One more person calls it the bomb. It's also a bad idea, bandana bandana. I want to call that a bomb because you tried. You were trying to get something out of that. Efforty is there. I love it. But now the trailers, they show too much.

And it's because America is just dumb. On some movie. They show the whole fucking movie. Because some people see it, though. I was watching the trailer for Godzilla. Hang on, I know it's the guy from Breaking Bad's on it. Let's see. I didn't even see the fucking movie.

I think certain movies they do, certain movies they don't. But I love trailers now. I love that at trailer app on iPad is one of my favorite things in the world and I'll actually see more movies than I would have because of the trailer and I'll see the certain movies where I'm not going to go say I'm not fucking seeing that God is a big. I'm actually pissed they don't put trailers on Netflix. You actually have to watch the movie. Look give me a fucking trailer first so I know if I should sit there. You're absolutely right because you just read the description.

Yeah, the fuck is that? I want to show it to me not really I agree You know when I watch you agree or you know, can I can I just there's a heavy scent of sarcasm coming out of there? No, I do agree. I hate I'm I deter still think it's this a man It's this amazing technology that we're watching heavy from the internet. Yeah, we still have to read the description I'm not being dick right now. I'm not being a dick. You know what it is? It's your teeth. It's my teeth.

You know, I've always said that my teeth have been my biggest comedy weakness. You're also like, your mouth is very dicky. This is, this is also the Tom Brady haircut. Yeah. You're very tall and handsome and weird. Not.

I swear to God when he walked in the room, I was like, this guy is not the guy that's supposed to be who is supposed to be here. I don't know like a comment. Yeah, you missing a beard and I'm sorry. Yes, how where are you from? I'm from Ann Arbor, Michigan originally. Okay, and how long have you been coming from? Yeah, from Go Blue.

I've been in comic for 11 years. I started there for five and I was in LA for six and I just moved to New York. I'm in my first year here and I love being in New York and telling people I came from LA because you guys are so nice to LA Comics here. I just wanna thank all of you personally. They've got a lot of guys in the house. Thank you so much for this.

Well, can I say something? Yes. Comics are, like, you know, none of us give a shit. Yeah. But when you're dealing with these guys, these young guys they they they care You know you comics talent isn't afraid to talent my friend You know can't understand my buddy. It's like I don't care where you come from Kelly's Thank you Joe for fucking helping

I found just when I even when I first moved you I'd be introduced to you came from LA or whatever and then the crowd I would even see like a little arms cross and fucking you know this guy over here. I've been burned before I don't know. I don't know. Well, you very for Michigan. Yeah, you put in a lot of time in Michigan, right? Yeah, but a lot of time Michelle we worked together. I wrote does that we worked together was we were to Joey's we did Joey's with no You were him seeing this is years and years it's like oh six you and Buddy Tom Dustin came along. Yes, remember that he wears your t-shirt. Okay, okay? Joe what are you talking about trying to get a word and you keep this isn't Tuesday's with Murray Trying to fucking get a word and they mark you

We talked about this before though. Yeah, we bumped into you all right You put it shut up. you turned your mic down. You turned your mic down a little bit. Let's see. Wait a minute. You, you MC'd for him? I am, I was a local comic in Michigan. Nick DePaul had lined and brought Joe with him.

So you were the feature, he was the MC and Nick was had lined. And I remember, kept thinking, like this feature blows, I kept thinking i was hurtful somebody proposed you are on state which is the worst right that shit state vaguely i was very drunk and that the owner comes up and says hey there's someone here that wants to propose hey mc will you just uh... take this on and you have

to fucking someone gets on the list of his much more impressive joe and kelly yeah i like i'd always intertwines at tom dustin every story details and we've never met him i remember joe being very funny i remember being you know i had never really you guys came from new york i was in michigan i didn't this is the big this is the stand-up city was very was a fun weekend i learned a lot that weekend i well that was a fucking boring into a story

yeah this is so true i'm sorry sensitive i'm sorry joe you know what you're right i apologize sensitive i really i apologize and bobby knows tom dustin Yeah, listen, so, I'm sorry, I'm sensitive. I'm sorry, Joe, you know what, you're right, I apologize, you're sensitive. I really apologize. And Bobby knows Tom Dustin, he should be on the show. I love Tom, him and his fucking fire wallets. Yeah. He's a few comics that do that shit. What, the fire wallet?

No, there isn't. I swear to God, there's a guy down to Miami that, or done South Florida, doesn't it? I don't know what that is. Like, early, yeah. It's a, I did a show with this Tom Dustin guy, who's just a thin alcoholic from boston but hilarious guy

sweet guy like you think you're not going to like this guy but he's just a great guy and he's very funny but he is uh... he is his his his merch is uh... wallets their magic wallets that fire comes out of him and the reason why he is the reason why he sells them is because he did the math. He goes, I can buy these for cheap and make the most money off them. So it's better than selling a t-shirt or a CD or actually writing an hour and maybe getting an I see. He went out and figured out what, you know, mathematics you're making the most money. So it's a fire wallet. Does real fire come out yes yes it's a lighter inside of the water that it's a magic

thing right a magician cell after a show not a comedian of god but this is a guy who used his his computer bag shoulder strap is a belt once because he's pants were falling down so but he you know he couldn't buy a belt but he had fucking nine heinakins that night right that guy and 30 flame wallets, but he, you know, he couldn't buy a belt, but he had fucking nine hyenas that night. All right. That guy and 30 flame wallets. Yeah, but he sells a lot. He's the only guy I would.

That's what I, if I didn't know him, I didn't like him. I would be like, you're fucking not selling flame wallets. You're not making $40 dollars of wallet. Well, I'm trying to fucking sell a shit CD from fucking. Do you sell, do you sell Bobby sell CD? I don't sell anymore because my CD is too old, but when I do get my new, when I fill my new hour, I'll sell that. Sometimes I'll sell posters or something like that.

That's part sucks of comedy selling, but it can just be so profitable. Here's what I do. All your DVDs should open up in fire, should come out. It sucks. I'm sparing the CD and melted. It sucks when fans aren't paying to see you, and you

You did not gonna line up and buy something. That's when it sucks When you know, you're giving more comps away than you are selling tickets. That's when it sucks But you know look there's nothing better when fans are seeing you when you have a room full of people that came to see you What's that like and I'll run downstairs and grab somebody. Yeah, I see. Why don't you call Billy Burr and ask him. You know what?

The banks. I don't fucking know, but. Come on. You got a lot of fans. Yeah, too. I know I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Yeah, come on.

Bobby, they love you, man. Shut up. I was kidding with you. You can't. I'm not playing both sides. You don't get to play both side you As always you either 300 fans is that the worst merch ever sold a flaming wallet guy can't I've no What's worse than that someone sold a can dumb what you want?

Which was like a what now a condom that goes around a can't like a koozy Oh, I said it was a condom and I was like that's pretty bad. I saw a guy with bracelets with sangs on them. Yeah. And it was different colors. And he had his sangs but not his sangs. Like just funny sangs. Yeah, like it's like are you shitting me? He had all get her done bracelets.

But he had bracelets, he had stickers, he had two DVD of his band. Oh, that's great great that's not even comedy and he just a random f**k double bag full of shit and he was from the town it's not even like he was traveling to make gas money in hotel running he you live eight point two miles away like you're going home to this grab the bag full of shit from his house

yeah i actually trash them for it. And then I met him last year, as a dude, thank you. I stopped selling my bracelets. But whatever, he's in. No, I'm starving. I get it. That's right. All right.

But thanks, though, you've told me. I get it. I get it. I get it. I care less about that. I had something happened in the last couple of years. I used to fucking hate it. But now I care less about that. I had something happened in the last couple of years. I used to fucking hate it. But now I care less about it, because you can't change that when we came up,

I mean, these middle feature guys, what they're trying to do, which aggravates me, is they're trying to make headliner money without being headliner funny. Right. And back in the day, now that's a t-shirt. Here's, here's what.

Here, but let me finish. Sorry. Here's what, here's what, back in the day, you're the MC, you wanted to be the feature. You had to become funnier to where the feature didn't want to follow you. Well, the club owner was like, dude, I want you to feature.

And then as a feature, you had to become as funny enough to be able to headline. And that's how you made money. That's how you move. That's how you got paid more. And it was the evolution of it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So except I as a feature sold. Did I sell that time we work together? Yeah. As an MC. I fucking sold teachers. Because I was I was what the fuck could you have as an MC? Look, I had just this one. Flaming wallets. Flaming wallets. Yeah. No, I mean, I wanted to do

so locks of your hair. I want to do everything I could. I put them all to not have a normal job. Just pictures of it. And it sucks. Like, especially sucks when you ask the headliner. Hey, man, is it cool if I sell t-shirts? You know, that's the worst. But it's not your job. You shouldn't have a t-shirt. Yeah. You know, you're not funny enough to have a fucking joke that deserves to be on a shirt. I was able to survive as a stand-up full-time as a feature because of that shirt, so that I would disagree with now. But here's the thing though, you shouldn't, what should make you survive is you becoming the, from the MC to the feature and then becoming the feature to the headline.

That's what should make you survive. That's what makes you become a headliner And there's a lot of guys out there that are remaining feature acts because they're making that's true They're fucking that's terrible. I know guys have in that Florida because they can make 1200 on a weekend to be turned what about Boston this guys didn't made so much money in Boston They stay regional and they never left some of the funniest guys on the planet never left Being town because they didn't have to they're doing on the hood circuit here I had to leave fucking Boston. So let me ask you what changed your mind wire you said you changed your mind about it now No, you're not because the because of now anybody in their fucking you know back in the day to make a t-shirt

Cost a lot of money. You had the fucking know, now you can just go to these companies with just doom for you. I mean, it's nothing to get a t-shirt. You go on your computer and make a little stupid thing and type it up and have them shipped out and give them a thousand bucks, and you're making $10,000 in t-shirt money. You know, but you're actually not worried about,

now here's the bad part about your t-shirt, you ready? You have to do that, Choke. Because you get 2,000 fucking t-shirts. So you're're never gonna grow you're never gonna change the end of your act you're always gonna have to do that joke until you run out of fucking t-shirts and when you when you when you're almost out of them you're gonna go buy more so that joke you're you're just remaining the shitty fucking comic that you shouldn't be because you're into making that money. When you fucking say fuck it and then wait until somebody goes, hey man, I like you, I wanna do a CD with you, I wanna do a DVD, I wanna do shoot a special with you.

All of a sudden, there's something to that to me. I think there's, it's like clubs. You know, the bringer shows, I get you have to do it, but back in the day, we didn't do that. You went in and auditioned, you hung out at the club the club you wanted to get in you stayed there until one night They said it all right you want to go up for five because what's his name didn't show you went up and did well Then he gave you a Wednesday you did well then they moved you to Monday Wednesday and Thursday Then you keep killing and then all of a sudden you're on a Friday last spot after everybody and you do well

And then you then you all of a sudden, you're on a Friday last spot after everybody, and you do well. And then you're all of a sudden, you, people hear about you, oh, he's funny. That's the way it was. It wasn't, you bring five people, you get spots. Right, yeah. That's the thing. You can only do that in places like New York, like in Florida or anything like that.

You don't have that every night or work into the clubs or Alaska. Or Alaska. But it's exactly like that still. No one that's doing bringers is moving up. That's a whole different thing. I know what it's doing, bringers. Sad to those guys.

I feel bad for those people because they don't know that there's no, just like t-shirts. I mean, you made it out. Yeah, I mean, what I was just gonna say is you have to, I lived in Michigan. The only way I could fucking save any money to move to New York or LA to do comedy was if I sold these fucking things.

Oh, you could've got a job. I could've got a job, but I wanted to move the New Yorker LA to do comedy was if I sold these fucking things. You could have got a job. I could have got a job, but I wanted to spend the time working on the act and trying to get booked in all that shit. Of course, I had five jobs. I did fucking four to five sets a night and I had five jobs. So I used to go down, me and Dan and Billy in Patrice would race to places. We all fucking had jobs and we all did what we had to do. But Bob and Dan did would race the places. We all fucking had jobs. And we all did what we had to do.

But Bob and did our spots at night. Isn't the beauty of stand up, and I'm not challenging to be disrespectful. I'm challenging because I'm fascinated by- I want you to challenge. Everyone's path can be different. Everyone's path can be different. Oh my god.

No, motherfucker. If path is Bobby Kelly's path. I can't even look at it. I understand. That's why it doesn't, I don't, it doesn't bot, look, if someone says's why it doesn't I don't it doesn't bought like if someone says Someone has a fucking t-shirt Okay, I don't think an mc should have anything but fucking eight minutes of good material and I agree with you

That's why I even brought it up because I was like did I fucking sell a t-shirt as a host? I did but I don't think I should have did it the only thing you should be worried about is having 20 minutes Sure, that's your life sure. Yeah, so whatever shit job you have to do, live with your mom, I live in a shithole, 125 in Shirley Ave and Revere, a fucking shithole, crappy drug infested neighborhood, just so I could do my comedy. Sure. So I didn't have to work a full-time job to pay this crazy rent, I had a shit car, holes in the floor, fucking water would shoot up on a date.

If I was on a date with a chick, went through a puddle, she'd have water in a pussy. Oh, your push is wet. So, but I think that it's a date. I get that these feature guys, it's out there now where they travel and they have to make this money, I get it. But I feel bad for them because they get stuck in this shit.

They get stuck in, I have this fucking trunk full of t-shirts. And I'm making almost as much money as this fucking headline. If I can just hawk these things for $20 a pop. I mean, in fact. But the side argument or other part that you're sort of leaving on, I feel like, is that some of these guys, you can't, it's hard to get the credit It's hard to fucking headline you got to get an agent you got a TV there's a lot of guys that headline you got to be a draw

Well have the credits some people can fucking destroy for 45 minutes. That's the headlight and 20 years ago This is the only thing in the fucking country where the money has not gone up with 95770 money has gone down. So now I'll open for Nick. It's a hundred bucks a set. Six sets and it's a four hundred dollar flight. That's what I was gonna say. I don't sell shit, but future money has not gone up.

Spot pay has gone up. He don't want you to pay for your flight. Yes. I need to meet this. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy.

I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy.

I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy.

I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I'm not a guy. I've been headlining. I headlining. Exactly, but people are already saying how funny you are. People are already saying, oh my god, Joe, I go play. I just started saying that. Well, yeah, but dude, 15 years ain't shit, my friend. Yeah, you should have been further along, absolutely,

but you know why you weren't. Right. So that's not the business that you're off all. But you can acknowledge what I'm saying. I understand. Inflation, everything is more money. 25 years ago, a middle-act could but everything is more money. 25 years ago, a middle act had paid $100 a set. 25 years ago, still do.

The price of flights have quadrupled. The price that you're paid to middle has not moved. It's insane. That's what you used to be able to make an actual living when you started. I hear you, I understand it at a different time. I understand, that's why it doesn't, two years ago it fucking infuriated me. I kind of, okay dude. You want to say a t-shirt? Go ahead

But you're fucking yourself in a way you're you're setting yourself up to be comfortable and I don't think I don't think as a comic Being uncomfortable and not being satisfied is what drives us being on belief being uncomfortable I I think if he sold a t-shirt or something and it gave him a little more financial stability, it would only help his comedy. Well, the follow wouldn't love me for a long time. I think the mode, yeah, we'll write. That's that, that's another novel.

How would that help his comedy? But it would not be, it doesn't, life doesn't have to be this immediate terrible struggle. It's already hard enough. Not for you because your parents love you. I know, but I'm saying, are you parents together? Yes, they are. I don't listen to you. He's already hard enough. Stand up is already hard enough. Stop listening

when he smiles. Comedian, I feel like, look, I'm entitled to my opinion. Not on this show. John Fugelstein, I want you to shut you mouth. How many more band-andes do we have? We already make it so harder in ourselves. Comics make it so much harder on themself. That's already a hard enough fucking art form that we're trying to do right now. But it kind of needs to be.

Isn't pain funny? My pain should be funny to other people. If I'm even a good light. I think if you have an extra 300 bucks a month from Selon T-shirt, you still are gonna have good pain. And Mike is a good example. Here's a guy that was selling t-shirts to make extra money he's moved up just fine he's in l.a. here on the tonight show he's headlining so it

doesn't necessarily yeah but he was gonna listen to some people are he was a shit he was don't move up he was using it as a goal to go to l.a. that's great man but like again I know a lot of dudes staying the home town because they're making banks I agree but they they hang on a second. Hang on a second. We haven't even seen, but you're saying, we haven't, is he's not one of the greats yet? He might be, but he's not yet. But he's not stuck in an Aubrey selling t-shirts. But don't you wanna be one of the greats?

Of course. Absolutely, yeah. And I don't think the greats fuck the- But do you have to not, do you have to absolutely be fucking struggling financially to be a great? I mean, I don't know. I don't think you have to absolutely be fucking struggling financially to be a great? I don't think you have to be struggling financially, but I think the more pressure you have on your comedy to become better, even at this stage, 20 years in, 20 something, I'm every fucking day

do I feel pressure, every day I feel pressure to keep pushing to become better because I'm not fucking there. And my show's a better, I don't worry as much. And look, I understand too that I think that it's part of my insecurity, I would say, when I show up with these places, I would kind of be insulted because I would never,

ever imagine being on a show with some headliner that I respected and think, hey, you might if I sell my CD that I made in my, I know yours, you went through a record company and deserved it but I made mine in my basement I'm gonna sell for the same prices you do not I don't I would never think looking back that's why I even brought it up with Joe like I I would have changed that I mean I didn't know Nick DePaul for anybody at the time now I do and met him and was honored to

even get you know work with you guys that weekend. Looking back. This guy's selling a fucking show. But looking back, I'm like, fuck, I see this kind of, you know, that was pretty balsy of me and I wouldn't do that again. But that being said, if it got me to LA of year earlier because of that, then I don't give a fuck. And I don't think Nick DePolo gives a fuck either, frankly. I mean, I don't know. I would have to ask him, but I helped me in my opinion. I helped you, but I don't think it helps everybody. I think it, I've seen a lot of guys out there like selling this fucking wallet. It's for what's his name is, he should stop that. Who's buying that?

A lot of people do this. Dude, it's serious. You think I'm going to the midway. Muts are repas at the end of a show? Like is that possible? But my point is, right now I don't give a fuck as much as I used to because I don't care anymore. Cause you have a baby.

Cause you have a baby. No, it's I don't care. Well that should be. I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm going up and doing this hour. You guys can do it. Ever the fuck you, I don't care about you anymore. I'm going up and doing this hour. You guys can do it ever the fuck you I don't care about you anymore. I'm not gonna fucking try to help anybody

You want good. That's good. That's that's great. That's that's awesome, right? I mean you shouldn't we shouldn't really It's well You know it should be a community and we should be friends, but like your path is your path my path is my path Joe's path is Joe's path. Yeah, but you have past stinks And you help people all the time. I help people, I help the new policies. That's why I'm the one in my pocket. I help people that want help.

I help people that are actually embrace it or need it. I'm not gonna help you, I'm not gonna show but a club that I don't know a guy. And if, hey, do you mind if I say, go ahead. I'll make fun of you, go fuck yourself. If you, if you're gonna do it though, don't not take the hit. Don't not take the hit. That bugs me too.

If some of these guys like, well, I go to fucking, I'm gonna make a living. That's the fucking point. I hate that fucking excuse. I'm gonna make a living. Go fucking become a headliner. Then you make the living. Why do you get to supersede the whole fucking process?

That's like it could be the president of fucking Walmart. Hey listen I'm gonna go fuck his daughter so I can jump over everybody. We'll go fucking do the work Make the fucking progressions up the ladder and become the guy That's what used to filter this fucking shit business out is that if you weren't funny enough You didn't fucking make it you you weren't funny enough you didn't fucking make it you had to give up because you didn't make a living at it and it didn't pan the fuck out but now you can go make a CD in your basement and pan it the fuck out by cheating because it's not because you were funny it's

not because there's crowds lining up nobody even fucking knows you but you're still pandering and hawking these fucking things after the show and everybody's Everybody's like, oh fucking, what cattle? Oh fucking to yours and yours and what is it yours yours has made in the basement And only two tracks work, but who cares? Fuck you go be funny, but that being said there's a lot of people that fucking get lucky Don't put any work in get on a show on basic cable the show blows up now their headliners and now they're just blown right all past people that have been fucking busting their ass for years and they'll be gone but I'm just saying you're just saying like that's the one way to head

show business you're talking wait you're saying it like you're saying it like you're way to headline you're fucking talking about fucking show. I'm talking about stand-up comedy. I'm talking about being at a club All the fucking no they're not doing stand-up. It's show business But no no getting a TV show Okay, and blowing the fuck up is not what I'm talking about going to a club a club going Robert Kelly We heard he was funny. Let's bring him in Negotiating the deal me flying in doing the show and Fucking Nemsa and he was really killed it a lot of people showed up and a lot of people liked him

Let's bring him back. I made that happen with my funny. I made that happen not with a TV show because I'm not fucking famous I do that with my funny, right? So why the fuck do you get to, God, raise your hands. Go ahead, John, I don't want you to fucking hurt you there. The thing is, what the fuck was that? You were talking about, you get funny, you fucking work it, but because of the business, I'm not mocking you.

Because of the business, I'm doing what you're doing. I go downstairs here at the cellar, the premier, murder. I go on last spot of the night, like you're what you're doing. I go downstairs here at the seller, the premier, murder. I go on last spot of the night, like you're talking, killing it. I'm killing it everywhere. But can I come headline your club?

No, we have this guy who's on this show. So you can't headline. But you can't. But hang on. I'm highlighting some of them here and there. You can't say I'm headlining some, but not all of them. You're getting there. You're doing it the right way.

Hang on, you're letting you have funny, fucking travel ahead of you and spread out. And I'm telling you this, people have mentioned it. People have at other clubs who love the podcast. Joe Lists is really funny, man. He was here with, he fucking annihilated. You're laying the groundwork for when people go, you know, let's bring Joe Lists inon headline and you're gonna be get that money

You will get that you will just like Lewis a year ago. I got a move to LA and fucking he's he stayed and now he's headlining Places that I took him and said you should use him. He killed as a feature Okay, then they brought him back as a headliner and he, he killed, we did okay. But he did good. You understand? That's how comedy works. It's not from fucking Salon T-Shirts. I just don't like the simplification of like,

you just gotta get good, but you know, it's still hard to get there because people don't just go, this is the thing that's changed in the business. Being funny is not enough anymore. Yes, it is. It's not. No, no, actually, it's not. Because, no, no, TV guy can't follow you.

If you were funny as me, you'd know that that's not true. But let's just try that. It is true because TV guy and girl, because I know you're talking about, can't follow you and they won't and they beg not to follow you. But it doesn't matter because the headlining gigs are taken by them. But they'll be gone. They'll be gone. They'll be gone in two, three years.

You'll still be gone. I'm not lining week. So they'll be gone in two or three years. You'll still be there. Do you understand that I'm fucking headlining. I don't I don't I when the fuck what do I got? What what are the fuck have I been on? I got a podcast I started a half hour I'm essential special is years ago when you're already in the club you're in there. But I I the only thing keeping me in there is my funny.

That's all that's actually keeping me in there is that a club will bring me back because of what I did on stage, not because of who I am, not because of what I got, not because of how many seats I feel. How'd you get into the first time? Look at, he sold shirts. You have to be good.

You have to be good because when dad fan won last comic standing, no, seriously, he was headlining everywhere, he's not anymore. I mean, but you have to be able because when dad fan won last comic standing no seriously He was headlining everywhere. He's not anymore. I mean because you have to be able to get in there You guys it's kind of talking to me like I'm not trying. I have an agent who's like yeah, I'm not trying I appreciate but like an agent is like we need to get a tea we got to get the letter You're on you're on you're on your way. You're just not there yet. And being with your app. I'm just trying to be clear that it's not as simple as you're

just kind of saying. It is as simple as that. It's as simple. And he's saying it does it have to be tragic. Yes, it does. Okay, it does. It sucks to be. There's stuff that you want that you don't have.

Right? Yeah. And it sucks that you don't have it. When we get to where we wanted it to be, we wanna be at the next place. That's what keeps us going. That's what makes us want to be harder. My personal interior motivation

can be enough than having all this other fucking external financial burden burden family hates me burden Whatever I'm not saying that's the case for me, but I'm saying if you're a driven Motivated person the fact that I would ever the case may be now if I may quickly sigh with Joe There will always be shitty Entertainers who headline clubs because they have 800,000 Twitter followers, but they suck it stand up comedy. If you're good at stand up comedy, if you, the longer it takes you to get there, the longer you stay there, right?

Can you look in the camera when you do this? Yes, you're very good looking. I want people to, I want people to, I want people to, I shall say, right? There is no question. There's no question to me that Joe is going to get where he wants to go and stand up. And he's going to be, when he's there, he's already saw I saw you fucking before me years ago. I thought you were funny No, I'm saying but the point is he also was making a point There's a lot of bull and you got to break in the doors sometimes and if that's maybe it's this podcast Maybe it's his podcast maybe it's fucking Chelsea lately going dude. You want to be a my this is what he doesn't see because he's in it

He doesn't see that two years ago He was fucked up and then he changed his life and he quit stuff and he got healthy. He did the show and you got a ton of fans and then you started your own and that's exploding and then people the comedy is fun. I know millions of people. It's happening right in front of him, but it's not there yet to where he what he what he thinks he should be But that's where we all are at right everybody's it Louis. You don't think Louis is going. I hope my show doesn't hope Hope this season is good. You don't think people calling Quinn is like Fuck I gotta write I just did I'm he's touring doing a one man another one man show He's got another we're all in that spot creating.

As comics, the greatest thing about being a stand-up community is the show business part of it. Can't take away our funny. You can be as funny as you want. And people will hear about it. And that's why I respect Burr. Burr went and just did what he, what he knew he could do. Stand up. He became a fucking great stand up comedian. He focused everything.

He pinpointed everything on comedy. And that's it. And then he did his podcast to enhance his lit, you know, his fan base and those two met. And there you go. okay, but you're on your way. You know, Tony's not gonna make it. Yeah. But he could sell a wallet and I fucking suit jacket. In my defense, I'm not trying. There we go, smart. Smart level. I'm the only feeling the pain.

I'm not doing anything with it. I don't think you necessarily need to have a painful life to be good at comedy or successful. I don't think it's like I don't think it's the only example I can think I agree with you completely But every time I think you know that I get fucking yelled at by someone whose parents do hate them listen parents don't hate them that dead look there's too many My parents are dead don't say that about my parents. I mixed you up. I'm sorry my parents. There's so many pads There's so many fucking pads. I look at man

I agree that some I know people that don't have shitty fucking lives that made it, that's great for you. But I think your comedy, I think your comedy path was sucky. You chose to do certain things to get out of where you're at. I get it, but I don't think that the, you know, everybody has a podcast now. Should everybody have one? No. Not everybody should have one, but a podcast now. Should everybody have one now?

No. Not everybody should have one, but because it's so easy to have one, everybody does. And what? I'm sorry, so don't you think that those guys that stay in Florida or whatever, the fact that they haven't moved to LA or New York, isn't that a good thing because they're not saturating

and already saturated market? Like, if they don't want to better themselves, that's why I love people that go to LA in New York. I said, you want to be a comic, move to one of those cities. You want to be a stamp because it will filter you the fuck out. You will be fucking flush down the toilet. Yeah. If you don't have really what it takes,

you won't be able to go through the fucking turbulence that you're going to go through. And one of those things you need to have what it takes is to get the fuck away from your city and come for zone and family and I do feel like we should say new thing that you do is I get it you're gonna say something that's a big thing okay good I do think we should say and not be complete elitist I still think the best of the best are in New York and come to Nework but there are a lot of great comics elsewhere i can only supposedly speak for boss because that's where i'm from

but a lot of comics in the midway uh... chicago has great c yet so there's a lot of comics that really don't want to live in new york rl a or really be in showbiz it's still a commendable respectable job and a lot of these guys are fucking brilliant comics who could blow the doors off a room so i don't think you necessarily there are great comics that might be right and reagan i lived in new york at one point he doesn't live in new york tim wilson who just dies a midwest comica

midwest that you'd like to live in that and i think you're proving my point i mean polna dizzy is one of the most brilliant comics in the country is it for kids is it is tremendous but there's but there's four kids but the people know it I'm talking about I'm talking about it. You think it's a commendable life and job still okay hang on one second But does he do comedy as a living of course? Okay, that four kids and has a house his wife doesn't even work. Okay, it really It's wife might work. She's lazy. I have she may help really need it

But they help raise the poor kids I love bomb molly fucking said fuck show business move back to Maine He's a king of Maine. I love it. Justin McKinney. But how do they do that, Joe? With what? Because they're what? You can, you can funny. Funny. That's my point. No social media.

My point, though, is that funny. You can't take away the, a comic's funny. I agree with Bobby. This business, it doesn't matter if you're on a show or not on a show. If you're funny, Paul Nadizzi is a fucking hilarious guy one of the funny stomach, but he's back in but it doesn't matter He made his own choices Bob Molly said fuck show business. I'm going back to Maine to be happy Fine, it doesn't matter because Bob Marley is fucking hilarious You can't take away our funny

So if you work on just being funnier and becoming a great comedian, you won't have to fucking worry about anything. But people are gonna want to come see you. Right. People are gonna, when people want to see you because you're funny, you sell tickets. When you sell tickets, you can do whatever the fuck you want. You're not gonna have funnier works. Bobby, but do you disagree with this? And everyone's path can be different to that same destination, which is be funny. We all agree and I agree with you 100%. I'm, look how I'm sitting right now.

This is how serious I am. My legs are crossed. You're driving me nuts. You can't go from here. I'm getting all bubbed. You can get him a latte. I have one right here. I was just staring at your thin legs.

You have to fucking be funny, but the path is different. I had an athletic background, so like I was... Oh, shit. Oh, wow. So, I just point out what were you... That's like a costum. She's just groaning over here. Like this.

Guys, don't talk over each other. I don't want fucking Tuesdays with Mikey. Fucking talking shit about us again. I can't say that. I agree with you, but that might not be the most respectable path. Suényas con un futuro más allá de los estudios de grado? Gracias a las becas de post-grato en el extranjero de la Fundación La Caixa, puedes estudiar en las mejores universidades y centros de investigación del mundo. Tu talento te mueve. Solicitad tu beca en fundación la caixa.org. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca.

Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Friparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. ¿Qué? Oh, por supuesto. ¡Es un chino de rinpov, espéz de rinpov y sedientes respectivos!

¿Dónde hay que ser respeto a todos los comentarios? ¡No puedo! ¡Es imposible! ¡As soon as anything good happens to you will have the comics already fucking hate you! ¡Eve a los que hay que ser ¡No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, half the comics already fucking people that are being celebrities right now. Wait a minute, stop for a second. Why? Why is there something that when somebody, I don't care, I don't care if you admit it or not.

Oh boy. But why is there something when somebody does get something that it just feels shitty? It's amazing. Why? What is that? Because I look at, I love people. I love when I really want everybody to fucking be successful. That's why I love I love people. I love when I really want everybody to Fucking be successful. That's why I love doing this show. I don't I could do with just the same people

I love having new people on I love it. I love exposing a real honor for me to Love it. I'm my only credit. I love I love helping people out if I can whatever I can do even if it's just a few Hundred people on Twitter, right? I love that but when somebody does get something there's something inside that goes fuck because we're competitive Well, I feel at least for myself if it's somebody who's earned it like say just like Ted like Zandra Just got the special the one hour thing and he did all that shit for him anything you would get from from my point of view It would be great, but if somebody just put out a web series on there It just somehow got a million followers on Twitter or a bunch of YouTube hits and then they got famous from that I think I would that would bother me more like a new tour I don't know if you're like two girls that were doing a tour that was called the trouble

No, I loved isn't real. So it's cool. It's annoying, but who are we, I mean, it is annoying. It's fucking annoying. It's annoying for us. A little bit and then it goes away. What the fuck can you do? What the fuck can you do? That's why I love like famous, real famous comedians. Right, really don't give a fuck about anybody else's anything.

Like you could say, did you hear fucking, I don't care. I have to write this. That's great. I don't care. I have to write this. That's great. I don't care. And I love that. I've been trying to adopt that into my life, but it's still a weird thing when you hear, you know, you see somebody and you're like,

oh, good. I gotta go to fucking Connecticut this weekend and this can't. I'm gonna get this weekend. Where? Oh my God. City steam? No. Pump a nickel pub. I'm actually in Newark. Where? Oh my God. City steam? No.

Pomponical pub? I'm actually in Newark. Big Joe Willys. Can I do a guesspont? Are you selling t-shirts and wallets? No. Joe list wigs. How do you lose this thing?

Which is just, once you have it, it's good. Oh, no, stop the bomb. Someone else has to buy. So no one else has bought since then? We've just, I've got this, no one else. We've been talking serious. Hang on a second. Kelly is here. You're safe. It will happen. Sorry, Kelly. But this is how I am kidding. We've just, I've got this no one else. We've been talking serious. Hang on a second. Kelly is here. You're safe.

It will happen. Sorry, Kelly. But this is how I am kidding. I love you, Kelly. Comedy is like golf, right? Like, we're all friends rolling the club. Give him the bandana right now. I lost give it to him.

Can I at least finish before I get the bandana? I wasn't even a joke, is it? I just don't like his face. I don't know if you know you can get him on the ball. That's a pretty face. Are you seeing this face, dude? Morning. Do you determine this? I was kidding. I want to hear the end of this.

We're on the clubhouse, we're all hanging out, we love it. And then fucking somebody goes out and fucking hits a hole in one and wins the fucking major and you're like, fuck that guy. And then they put the cameras on us and like, no, congratulations, that was great. Well, it's also like golf in the sense. I didn't hear anything. It's also like golf. I mean, I mean, we're I didn't listen to anything. It's also like golf and I mean, we're doing for you. This fucking guy has come out fucking pocket.

Well, I am from Jersey. I'm fucking in fucking thing. And we have a fucking great. It's like golf in the sense that actually your score is your performance and individual score. It's very self-focused in the sense that like, if you shoot a 65, if you go murder somewhere and I go and I have a very strong set I

should walk away being happy and then if you murder that's great but but in that sense it is like golf it's not like what do you what do you what do you what do you do what do you want what what a fucking here we go where do you have I don't have a fucking what great day do you have that fucking just chunk your bank account up when you look at your fucking balance at an ATM, you're just smile. I open for Joe and Nick on the road, and I sell t-shirts, and I fucking crush it. I'm on a show called Crowd Goes Wild on Fox Sports 1.

Fox Sports 1. It's Channel 7, 7, 4 on Time Warner Cable. We're talking about how many fucking channels are there. Yeah. I'm on Channel 774. It's actually... Can I say something? I don't like it's not. Let me ask you. Do you ever been on a Can I say something? Oh, my goodness, let me ask you.

Do you ever have you ever been on a fucking radio show before? Yeah. All right. Stop talking over people, all right? You're like the Lewis Gomez, the fatter. He's got his own podcast. I don't know if you're.

Do you really? What is it? One person on? Little bit of solar. We had to get two Latinos to take his place. I'm going to say. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

I'm not sure. So you don't have to raise your eyes. I'm going to talk to you with him So I have to raise you. I'm not talking to him. I'm not cow head. Is a cow head? No, it's man cow. Man cow used to be cow head. Oh man cow was great. That was a great episode.

Are you kidding me? No, the guy that was here, that's cow head. Cow head is awesome. I love that cow head. I love that cow head. I love cow head. Cow head's the best. I haven't by me all the time.

Speaking of what, he's a man cow, right? Man cow is a fucking asshole. Who's man cow? Exactly. We used to be huge in Chicago. You'd have to go in and you'd have to raise your hand to talk until podcasts destroy them. Which is what you're doing right now.

That's his new thing now. He doesn't have that. I've been raising my hands since the 70s and I never look back. He's just been polite. Oh, so this is what? But Fox News one, Fox one. Fox one.

He's actually trying to go ahead to head with the SPN tough It's a game should be fucking derailed. I hate the SP. It's the worst It's tough, but it's tough, but you guys are actually what you gotta do is you Try to be so fucking different and goofy Which I get I like but you have to you kind of got a fucking do what they do and then find your own thing inside of that You have to find your groove as drummer say you have to play the do and then find your own thing inside of that. You have to find your groove. As drummers say, you have to play the same beat, but find your groove.

Bobbi, because I am like, absolute 100% agree with you. You know what sucks? I'm not an executive on the network. Yeah. I fucking work for them. And what they really need is a sport that someone wants to watch. Right. Right?

Like ESPN has money, night football, has all the college, everything. Our network plays those little funny car races. You know, what's that cause of? Funny car, NASCAR, like we don't even, you have to buy the rights. Well, you guys are trying to invest in sports. MMA, UFC, trying to get them. MMA, UFC they have and they have World Cup and the next World Cup. I'm sure that's real, but you're shitting on them.

I'm not shitting on them. No, he's not. I mean, we need better sports. I think they would agree with that. Well, I'm very culprit. I'm not shitting on them. No, he's not. I mean, we need better sports. I think they would agree with that. Well, I'm very culprate. I'm not gonna shit on them. They're gonna make you sell T-shirts. I don't think you can.

I'd love to see. Well, actually, Kelly is dumb actually. It's something she was saying, fuck sports. Were you saying that? No, you're gonna like that. Australia's fucking love sports. Like you were gonna say, fuck sports. No, like a sports, where you fuck somebody.

It's a very handsome and... All right, so, I was almost banned out of words. I think. No, she said fucks for no like a sport when you fuck somebody very handsome and all right So I Think you're right, but I agree with it. I just fucking I agree with it. Yes, without fucking having a weight I think that the I'm not you. I was talking to Joe. Um, I don't know. I'm just fucking. Oh good. I'm before you shut up What's the fuck up not on everyone raises their hand. Shut up. You're in a real mood tonight. I am. You know what? I am in a mood. I'm sorry. I really am. I'm as soon as I said I sold

teachers as a whole. You know why? Because his fucking happy go fucking horse shit life. No. I'm kidding. No, John Fugo. Well, listen. Yeah. I think you're right about the fuck. I was very excited about Fox Sports one because I think that ESPN needs to fucking yeah You know I'm fucking sick of it But you have you do have MMA which is a huge fast growing smell which is gonna and you have World Cup But when is anybody gonna realize we don't give a fuck and never will About the game of the foot.

We don't care about soccer. I love it. I disagree with you. I am a soccer a whole thing. And I'll tell you why. Yeah. You know what they should do? Like they do in MMA is have guys explaining the shit more.

I don't know what a fucking green yellow card. He got kicked in the shit. I don't know what the fuck's going on. It's the simplest game. You don't know what a yellow card is. No, you don't I bet you everybody in this room knows What a yellow card. Okay, oh, Christopheau. You what's a yellow card yellow cards? We need to get penalty in soccer. That's because he's a queer Also also the fucking 40% of the country is Latino from South America and what New Mexico

Europe, you're a lot of people you made up that percent not 40% But we're like 20 something and we're fast growing. Yeah, so that's what is you for 50 will be the majority and by then also Because you guys have run across the fucking border like it's nothing. That's because we're Guys are not running. We're swimming They're floating across our mothers are rowing. What do we got? What do we got? We'll read the chat room to my mother.

I bet you got huge soccer fans in the chat room. Hang on one second. Anybody like chat room? Anybody in the chat room? Jesus, Bobby is looking good. Nice dude. I'll tag it. Somebody's jerking off to you right now.

Pizza hasn't caught up with inflation. What? Can you read the latest? Bobby's head is so shiny. Not that. Read the latest one a true that is no shiny not that read the latest is that as arey said joe list is a mystery he should be bigger no thank you for that is thank you twenty minutes ago that's a guy that come in my ass all

they meant like physically bigger they wish you were told i've got to go to membership uh... that's it anyway i agree with that the joe should is and but i believe he's gonna be that i believe really I believe a lot of you guys That are right now going what the fuck and on the verge of telling a T-shirt you're not gonna have to I think what's saying the chair will much be smaller. No, no one actually knows you're here The camera's not on you as anyone mentioned my name. I interject with that funny. Yeah, someone just tweeted for you

Only praises on funny as hell if he doesn't hold back in tends to hashtag let it go only uh... you got one that is the uh... i think i think i understand that it's one of the biggest sports but i think that they should for

ghastles like they did with mma by having joe rogan and and goldi explaining art this guy's lying on top of the other guy. This is stupid Oh, wait a minute this guy's gonna try if he gets his leg out He's gonna. Oh, okay. I get it now and people with passion and if they did that during soccer I tried to watch a soccer game and there's nobody going what this is right now for the if they did that Then I would understand it might be easy it might take me one game to learn how this fucking show you gotta learn Spanish I believe the biggest problem with soccer is as as an American growing up in this country you can't use your hands every time one of those fuckers flops when you

get the breath done wrong and he falls over and he grabs his knee I go fuck this sport and I love soccer and I love soccer. I love soccer. It's right. It's right. Why can they not fix it? Then I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell you that you don't know this sport. Okay. They run for 45 minutes straight with no timeouts, no stopouts.

Absolutely. You're giving yourself a break and you're giving everybody any team a chance to get a fucking gatorade. You just got to advantage over everybody else. You fucking touch me wrong on a soccer pitch. I'm the first one to fucking fall on the floor and act like I'm in. Of course. As a fan of breath and I'm fucking exhausted as a fan.

It's very interesting conversation pizza because in this country every little boy and little girl plays soccer. Like everyone plays soccer growing up, but then all of a sudden we lose interest as we get older. Which is because they play real sports. I said football. Yeah, well football that gets you not going to happen because everyone's getting concerned. Everyone's fucking getting a cushion. Everyone's brain is fucking back to your eyes You say something. Yeah, you know what? You shouldn't play fuck you shouldn't play contact sports

There shouldn't be kids with helmets smashing in the reach out. There should not be kids with helmets But their brains are so fucking eroded by the time they died. It is insane. That's 19 fucking fifties bullshit Yeah, yeah, we little kids, we know better now. You don't let kids, and I don't think kids should play soccer either. Even in soccer, they don't let kids do head is till 12 years old. I don't let, I know a kid broke a shin.

What kind of pussy's are we gonna be brazing? Huh? What kind of, but you guys are cool with MMA? All right, cool. I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, not MMA for kids. I think Jitsu, I think karate, I think certain things Jitsu not MMA for kids. I think Jitsu I think karate. I think certain things. Teachers of kid confidence.

Teachers of kid that he not to be bullies. Teachers of kid to protect and people instead of fucking hurt people. Apps of fucking people. Have you ever seen soccer players girlfriend? Unless you're in that fucking karate school from karate kid. That's.

Coma, come on. Those guys are no good. I would treat them. Does not exist. We know, Joe. But I think you're absolutely right, but you will have an opportunity when the contracts are up to bid on a big major sport. You need a big sport.

Once you get a big sport, you cause I like what you guys are doing over there. I mean, look, I, this, sometimes it's like, I don't wanna see you being too goofy. You're trying too hard to be a comedian That's good that they actually got a comic on there because you have timing You know when to let something out some of these guys like the tennis player Settle down settle the fuck down a little bit, you know what I mean? You don't you just me

But I get it I understand they're trying and they're gonna get a figure to absolutely you guys You guys will fucking figure out your your groove Murdoch is putting enough money into the network that he's gonna get it right and Eventually, but he has been at a 40-year head start NBC sports is another one NBC sports Who won all the soccer that's funny? 40 I did it doesn't see 40 fucking years ESPN. I mean think about it That's my life ESPN 2 then ESPN you and now fucking the 30 for I mean There's nothing worse than staying in a fucking hotel where you're gonna go through 90s. PN

I get to HBO. Yeah 40 years in Connecticut. Fucking a Noisley Bristol Bristol Connecticut unbelievable. I agree with you though. I I'm glad that you guys nice It's nice. It's nice that someone I'm not kidding has actually like Looked at the network and watched it. We preach I appreciate it that you guys it's nice. It's nice that someone I'm not kidding has actually like Looked at the network and watch it. We I appreciate I love it I love it because it has you have see yeah I watch it all the time for you, but I also like it that they're trying to do something different Mm-hmm. It's not just fucking dudes with ties who are who know a lot of quips Yeah, they're side of the fuck off

Yeah, it's a joke. That's unlochable to me for now. I'll show all these fucker until some major support you guys get some major sport And they're like I want everybody fucking suits. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want the assholes. We have We got on that network too. They got cute. Is that where you call them? I am from Jersey. What are you from the fucking 20s? They have rods on those fucking you see that they got games. I like you. I like you over there What's in your ankle? That's actually a better Norman impression than the robot thing you're doing Yeah, but it's not as funny. I'm Max Norman. Welcome to Tuesdays with my Molly Molly ring wall Molly ring wall is Molly ring wall is here today

Benjamin welcome to the Stan your studio is a great over there lovely. Yeah, love party. They didn do yeah great party. I was there for Maddox But it's fun to yeah, I don't I don't I don't I don't feel welcome over there My invited you and you bailed I'm kidding. I'm not I I hope you know that we're busing your balls But I really do support your show. I love you. I really do. I love you show and you know I am glad to I love that you guys went from this Doing podcast not just mine but and then you said fuck it let's do our own and I love that there's a place that is giving you guys

opportunities I'd love to give I wish we could rent this out and let you guys come up here anytime you want but I love that a place did do that for you guys forget my is this is this uh like your place is this a is this a studio this is the right cast studios We run three shows out here. That's it. We really can't run hammer fisting which is MMA podcast the greatest MMA the glory hole Which is the original show on the network rob my partner and then my show Runs out of here. I mean, I would we would love to be able to do a show a night out of here Which you know, maybe we will someday soon, but, you know,

um, you know, I'm glad that there's another network out there that's giving you guys opportunity. I didn't, I didn't say, fuck this. I'm still here. I still love the show. You were like, yeah, you were here. And then you said, fuck it. And then you started your own show. Well, that's what I'm saying. I'm here. I love you. You don't have to make a choice. I'm part of the show. So if you start a book, which t-shirt will you set? We're actually, yeah, we're actually, this is your replacement, right?

He's really good looking. Oh, we're gonna talk off here. I love the show. I love the care about it. All right, we're gonna take a break real quick. So people, Joe has to piss. I know it. They do. We got what you name again?

Michael Costa. Thanks, Bobby. Nice meeting you. Costa with a K gonna cost with a K Cost of the cake. Thanks. He's gonna go coma's hair These two fatties gonna eat something So let's take a break you guys in the chat room will be back in five minutes We're gonna do some ads when we come back, but until then stay tuned stay there and we'll be right back What's up, you know what did Robert? Robert Kelly here, and you guys know

that I just recently bought a car. I moved out to the suburbs, and I had to buy two cars, one for my wife, and one for me, and the anxiety that I felt overdoing that, because I know I'm gonna get screwed. I know it's not gonna be fun. I was talking to myself in the car on the way there.

That's how crazy it was. Trying to pump myself up. I'll walk out of here if you don't give me a good deal. Ugh, I said that in the mirror to myself. And you know what? Then I found out there's a better way to buy a car. I heard about TrueCart.com, a new way to buy a car. At TrueCard.com, you actually get to see what others paid for the same car you're looking

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off of it, I just bought jeans off Amazon. They came two days later. How great is that? What's that? That's James Bobby. A 38's. I went down from 42's. Socka. HuluPlus.com. Do I have to read that? Thank you. Oh, here's another read. I know this. I know.

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Daudio if you guys need headphones you want to go to tweak Daudio right now buy more than one pair because they're inexpensive But not cheap you get 33% off if you use the code word what? Dude! Oh my god. Code word dude. Right now free shipping, 33% off and a lifetime of limited warranty at twiekdodio.com. My only place that I get headphones, twiekdodio.com. Code word dude. April 1st. That's April 1st with doing the Jersey City comedy festival

YKWD live right it's gonna be great it's uh the laugh button is uh producing it for us we joined four forces with the laugh button once again i love those guys uh they're producing it we're doing it uh what's the guys name again? Craig Mahoney. Craig Mahoney is the guy who runs his festival, he's getting it off the ground. And we're doing a live, you know what dude? Podcast, me, Kelly, Scopo, Joe List,

Dan Soda, and Lewis, real as dude, Gomez. So it's gonna be awesome. You wanna see, if you haven't have seen our shows live We've done three of them now, right? It's the fucking best so get your tickets. I'm gonna do an a Q&A after something. We're doing a Q&A It's gonna be great and PSU 98 you know up, bro He was downstairs huge fan of the podcast gave us all props loves the show. He was downstairs at the show and

I didn't tell you to come up i if you still around uh... hit buzzer for and come to fuck up alright right now how's that uh... there you go so thank you for listening to the show i want to thank everybody who's donated to the show on the there's a donate button on the i know i'm just going on and on but i got to get through this there's a donate button i fucking love you guys for it's for donating you, you're the best. So let's go back to the show.

Thank you for listening. And I'm gonna send you a message to the white BMW D-Bergast. And white BMW D-Bergast. And I'm gonna send you a message to the white BMW D-Bergast. And I'm gonna send you a message to the white BMW D-Bergast. And I'm gonna send you a message to the white BMW D-Bergast. Yeah, I guess I come. I've got to sound of my last joke. I've heard that sound way too many times. Shit, it's on my opening joke. And you guys, good news.

Dan Sotar just came in. Hey! It's Dan Sotar, I'm back. I said I was out making tons of money for this. Bobby? Bobby Bobby Bobby Bobby Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy Here's my Joe list impression. Oh, you're fucking what the fuck Bows and this is not what Joe sounds like at all dope and you got a squint The blinks I got the blinks you get the squint's the blinks gorgeous gorgeous Joe list has the same hair as my baby

I think you got the squints with the pink. Gorgeous, gorgeous. Joe Liss has the same hair as my baby. I got great hair. My baby has great hair. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. I think you have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot.

You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot.

You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. You have to make the second best hair in this pot. That's me. Oh really you haven't even know this my head that's really good hair. This is like Spanish anchor hair Yeah, that's good. That's it. Desi Arnes. I think I think I We can say I have the worst hair, but I think I'm eliminated out of it. That's yeah, I think only's fucking By default it's good hair. It's a bad hair cut. I need to have brisquenza

It's good hair. It's a bad hair cut. I need to have bris can so The back of his hair why one of my tits you know the you know the you know that gray hair in short-head bitch and in Wokie dead Yeah, Carol. Yeah Carol the same hair is Carol my daughter The back of your hair. It doesn't connect to your head. No You know I I mean? You have wig head. Is that what that goes? Yeah, you can go underneath it.

I can't see the connection. This is called, I did that myself. Really? Yeah. Time's a tough day. Time's waiting for the day that you go, I'm a woman. I think that day's coming. How do you so is my girlfriend?

How do you cut your hair? Back like how do you do that yourself? Yeah. Tell me how. Flow bee. Is it flow bee or is it a buzzer or a scissors? What? He does it without a mirror apparently.

Clippers and a mirror and you fucking get it. You have a whole Asian girlfriend, she can't help you out. No. She's the hot Asian girlfriend does is manicure and petty. She man escapes me. Maddie petty. She does my taint. No, she's the hot Asian girlfriend does is manicure in peddys she man skates me Maddie pay. She does my taint

Does she run cutting your own hair of course? What I don't I don't have my girl actually have a taint my girl My girl waxed you know because my girl was a statistician. She did you know waxing and stuff right? She waxed my asshole. They did it hurt? It was terrible. I was literally the worst pain I've ever felt. And the worst part was not just the pain is her face when she was looking in my asshole.

It's just, it was just, Every man should have that done. No, I haven't had that done, but I would do that. I would have my ass. I'll do it for you. I would do it for you. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it for you. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it my Know again, no my girlfriend ever blows me am I right boys? Oh These bros I

I I had my asshole waxed my ass cheeks waxed and I had my nose My inside of my nose wax They put wax the they put wax inside your nose, then they put a little popsicle stick or a coffee store in there. They squeeze your nose, let it dry a little bit, and then they just pull like a popsicle.

So it's like a hairy popsicle. It fucking hurts. Crazy. But it was a super-sense. And then I had my ears done, because my wife, I had a couple like a hair growing out of an ear once and she plucked it and then that turned into a Two and then turn now I'm a fucking hobbit. Was this all the same day? What all these waxing? No, no, no, no, no, no, jeez

I suppose to have nose hairs like because that keeps that all the bad stuff who told you that everybody The time's hadn't telephoto I think they're there for a reason. I'm pretty sure we evolved these things. It's a kick-up, bacterias, and bugs and all. How do you know about evolution? We. Yeah.

You still have the same face as the original guy. I'm the evolution of each heart. I'm the future of men. We slowly become women. We're women. No. No. This is the end.

We slowly become women and don't need the use of knives or forks. Exactly. I'm pretty lighty. No more sex. We make babies inside. Why are you talking like an Indian? Like, why are you talking like a fat frog? very sexual. So I'm moving into my house on Sunday. I'm officially, I officially, I lived in New York City in House Kitchen of 47th and 9th for 12 years. I lived in House Kitchen. I loved it. And then when we had the baby, I was going to live in New York for another two years.

You know, he's not, he doesn't need to, you know, you can have a baby and when he's not going to school or anything or whatever like that. So I got home that night with the kid and I got to fight with a homeless guy. And I was, I mean, almost went to serious blows. Like someone was gonna go to the hospital and someone was gonna get arrested. Like that type of screaming at each other. That your baby was born. Yeah, the night he was born, day after he was born at the night

The next night when we took him home the first night. He was home at the house Yeah, I was out with the dogs. I'm exhausted my whole life flipped the fuck over. Yeah, and Oh, jeez hang on this is rich boss Hang on tell me got me on the rich you're on the you know what dude podcast we're live right now what's up oh you're you're doing your podcast that's what I thanks for repeating what I just said yes no I'm not and I repeat you because I know you know what to say when someone

knows you know it's saying repeat the questions apparently they fucking do it twice. What are you talking about? Who's doing your podcast right now? We have One Perez. Do you know him? Yes, I know. I can't wait to hear Bobby's try to say more. We have Alexis Guerrero.

Alexis, this girl, Alexis Guerrero. We have Mike Rampapart. What's your We have Mike Rampapart. What's your name? Mike Rampapart. Mike, Mike Costas. Mike Costas from Fox Sports World. It doesn't fuck bad at this point. I mean, no one's Googling me after you.

I'm Googling you. We have Mike Costas. We have Joe List. We have Kelly Fistuka and Chris Scopo. This is a whole school of nobody and i guess i guess i guess a lot of people out of town this weekend how do you feel about mc's selling t-shirts at a show you know what here's the thing

and you would disagree on this i don't care who sells because I've got mcs. I figured that would happen. That's that's a bummer. He's going to go on for about 11 years. That's going to be a long time. I will. Rich Vosco's here's thing you hang up because it's going to be a long fucking stupid thing He's calling back by the way. Oh, he already Hey, we got disconnected. I don't know what happened. He's let me finish my thing on the features Should I answer it or not? Yeah, I wanted to hear him fucking defend defend us

Can defend Hello I don't agree with you. Doesn't mean you hang up on it. Okay, you know what? You're a creep and you're a mean person. Really, really, M.C. and Middlescans. I think, of course, if you're a T-shirt,

because they don't have enough time to have a C.D. And if you do have a C.D., you would be horrible. So all they do is break some dumb joke, throw it on their t-shirt and try to make a couple of some bucks. Just a close on, give it a shit. Okay, so listen, everybody, this is well on one survival mode right now. Okay, no we're not. Actually, I'm- Thank you, Rich Voss, thank you. I'm doing good Mark Russo's doing good Michael rap a poor mac a rope a port is macro is doing good Oni struggling struggling

Joe list is doing good Chris Joe list on the Dead doing good relative towards what other middles are doing, okay? They're not listening. They're not doing good. You're doing good. You want a house? You have a family, okay? You're doing well. You have a car. You might have a car. I don't know if you have a car. I do have two. Okay, so you have cars.

Alright, so yeah, you're doing well and it took you a long time to get to where you're at, alright? But there's people looking at you going,'t know what a horrible fucking career he has. So, you know what's not like you're on top of the world. Fucking asshole. You let those people sell. Okay. All right. All right, boss, if I agree with you, I'm going to let them sell, they can do whatever they want.

I'm just going to go in and do my shows. I agree with you. Now can I hang up on you? No, no, no, no, let me finish. I know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You think Rich could talk on the phone and read a text at the same time you're out of your mind But no audience is gonna buy who's stuff day and why if those guys make an extra hundred bucks a weekend It means a hundred bucks time means so much to me. It's nothing. I'll drop a hundred bucks on a pair of sneakers I won't even wear okay. Look at my last tweet. I'm cleaning out 500 dollar pair of sneakers or pictures I don't even wear them. I just think about them a lot. I've been shoe shopping with them.

He's a big buy. OK. All right. OK. OK. 100 bucks to your hand, you know, whatever. I don't know. You have to, I was going to give you a lot of textures right now.

A text, what are they called? Texas? It's not a, it's not a state you idiot what you call Texas okay buddy well they asked me to do run a test it's fucking a 310 on Thursday you should do that yeah but I might have to go to Connecticut doesn't matter you should do Ron and Fas and then go to Connecticut i don't know do we'll talk about it off the air this is the most boring thing i've literally you're a fucking showstopper set up to do the year when i answered my call okay so you should acknowledge that bobby thinks showstopper is an insult i don't know

here this niggas it is a little bit it is a little bit it is a little bit it is a little bit it is a little bit it is a little bit it is a little bit it is a little bit it is a little bit it is a little bit I know when I answer my call, okay. So we should acknowledge that Bobby thinks showstopper is an insult.

I'm done. Here this Nick is. It is a fucking insult. When you stop a show and it's tracks. By the way, I love Rich's like, I gotta go, I'm gonna get a bunch of texts all for me. I'm just got excited, maybe the business was beckoning. Maybe they saw my movie. They loved the women off-honey.

Bonnie left me because the movie killed. Can't wait for that. I hope the movie is just amazing. And they win an Oscar. And then we just see, you know, you're not the old guy code? Yes, she's. I've seen it.

The guy code jinks. I've seen it, it's great. It is great. It's really good. What are you else you're going to say, you're a woman? jigs. I'm saying it, it's great. It is great. Really good. What are you else going to say? You're a woman. I know. I'm a language.

What were you talking about before he actually had a fight? Tits. You got a house. You've got almost got a fight. How is your move this week? Do you, are you married? I'm not married. Do you have a girlfriend here in the city?

You live in Manhattan. Yes. What do you live? I live. What's the exact street address? We want to come over. Which is nice to down. I'm a 22nd and eighth 22nd and eighth. Yeah, that's nice That's Chelsea. That's Chelsea. You make it some money over at Fox Well, we shoot at Chelsea peers and I moved here in like two weeks and had no fucking clue where to live And so I went close to the peers

I probably would pick somewhere else at this point, but right why are you home a phobic? No, I love gay people. Yeah, I love gay people He's on a network. What's you know what's funny is I it's all gay. I mean every it's gay everywhere in New York City's gay Like fucking podcast is gay. I was in West Hollywood with a dick bottle opener right over there It's all Chris is actually yeah, we've actually you know hung out of 22nd and eight We kiss Chris we kiss Chris. We kiss Chris Chris is actually yeah, we've actually you know hung out of 22nd and eight we Kiss Chris we kiss Chris No, no, no, no, what I was gonna say was carpool, but you guys all jumped in with kiss so

I don't know if you know the show, but there's a lot of kissing and Feet rubbing and I Am I am yeah, I moved I moved and now it's like, we're moving in Sunday into this house. Where is it? Where's the house? It's up in Westchester. It's like 30 minutes away. It's very quick and easy to get to the city,

but it's very, it's just weird. It's a fucking, it's, there's nothing wrong. I love you. Are you gonna lose your edge as a comedian? Because now you're in a fucking house in Westchester, Bobby. No, I'm serious. Where's the struggle, Bobby? Huh? I mean, where's the now you're in a fucking house in west chester bobby i'm serious where where's the struggle bobby huh i mean where's the fucking struggle living in a house the most i am so happy for you but i don't think that living in a house in westchester is gonna make you a a

weaker comic if anything it shows that the hard work disagree you disagree really a week a week human what i think in general. You're gonna be thin and weak. It's my work. I mean, you're going against what you're saying. This is awesome. This isn't a cheat.

What did I say? You're saying that the struggle and the, you know, let me ask you a question. You think the environment, me changing, is gonna remove my struggle. Me living in what, you don't think I'm fucking screaming cunt out the window. You don't think I fight. I went from nose to my point. I went from my point. I went from nose to

nose. Fuck yous to pantomiming through a fucking windshield. You motherfucking cunt. It's I'm the same asshole. Exactly. You're just the same motivated and inspired as you are up there in a house with a fucking yard and a baby, then you were on Hell's Kitchen grinding out life. That's my point. What's that point from? Well you were saying that it's gotta be a struggle to make you the best and be the greatest

every day. But it still is a struggle. Right. I think it is. I think it still is a struggle. It's not a funny, I can't speak, I'm having financial, but it's not for a place to sleep. I mean, you got a home, that's awesome. Yeah, but no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Yeah, well, well. But it did. It doesn't matter. I mean, I live in the city, or I live up there, or I have a million dollar home,

or a fucking, I'm renting a shit hole, five hundred dollar apartment. It's still, it's also a natural city. It's still the same. It's already, I think, is what the point you were making earlier is you were already achieved headliner status. I have, but I still have to fucking struggle. Oh no, because there's somebody,

somebody just came in and sold out four shows. And I'm not selling out four shows. So I have to work harder. I'll have my podcast. That'll change it all. I really would. I think the struggle, I really do. I think you're in a struggle. Look at what you're in. You're in a fucking You're in. You're in a struggle. Look at what you're in you're in a fucking You're in a fucking piss myself. I'm actually sitting in your own right now. I agree we all we Let's gonna be wider Fucking Chairs are important to me. I'm a tall dude. You're crowning the tough chair

You're crowning the tough chair. I can see the power on it enough. How'd you feel about moving to, because that's my biggest fear. Like my wife is talking about having kids and I'm like, oh, we're doing a lot. Having a kid or getting my wife was the best thing I ever did for me. Because it made me, I had to deal with my reality.

You know, stand now, I have comedy, things are more serious now. I have a responsibility to a child. I have to take this, I can't fuck off anymore. I have to, yeah, you've had him as a man. You know, when you have him as a fucking 18 year old kid, like I did, you know, you get past that. Right.

You get past him. You're happy to be a fuck off? Yeah. You're just happy to not like fuck up I love just like Mila my smile that he when he smashes somebody goes You had a kid when you were 18 I had a kid at 18 and a kid at 20 wow same mom. I mean I would expect no it's same mom. That's rare for

Married Two kids good campus shit at nine rare for a little. Yeah, I am. And married. Yeah, I was just two kids. Good captain, shit. She had nine. Dude, I avoided putting it in anybody at any cost as a teenager. I want to get the fuck you. I avoided it. They avoided me.

That was a good one. And nothing got for me. That was very good. I was a good looking dude when I was thinner. How old are you looking dude now? How old are you now? Just a next to older. Turn it 33 this year.

I've been married, I'll be married for eight years this year. Look man, having a kid to me, having a kid to me was amazing for my comedy. You know what I mean? I actually, it just was great for me. And moving out of the city is great for me too. I'm still fucked up. I still love the same anxieties. I'm still flipping out every fucking day about everything.

But I, you know, it didn't matter where the fuck I am. That was my whole point. It doesn't matter where I go. It's what I put down on paper or what I say on stage or how many things I'm trying to create. You know what I mean? Look at this fucking podcast. This was nothing. This was me with Rich Fawse at a cafe in Montreal with an iPhone. Now it's a fucking show. I mean, I mean, you know what I mean? It's something that I do every week that I have a responsibility to.

And, you know, we have fans and it's helping my shows. It's, you know what I mean? So it's very important to me. Things became more important to me and serious to me. But in a good way, not a fucked up way, for me, I'm not saying you should have a kid, but having a kid, it doesn't matter if you have a kid, if you move, if you fucking live in a shithole,

if you live with your parents, it doesn't fucking matter. Funny is funny, and you can be as funny as you wanna be. I think, you know, and I'm not there, dude. I get jealous, I see, I watch Joe's fucking access TV. I was like, oh my God, that's so great, I love it. It inspires me. I didn't like it. Barely worked it out ever. I like just because I didn't like it all off the top. I loved it. It was great. It's that even the everybody's like, oh,

I think you're inspired by you know, Louis or I don't I that shit inspires me. It's like, oh, shit, Joe's really funny. This cock suckers on my heels. He's on my heels. This cock suckers are not too criminal. So, I'd like to just throw in good fellow's reference for the four people that tweet at me on Tuesday. It feels good. Well, you have a hundred million people listening. So I don't know what it is.

I'm talking about your podcast, you have dumb dumb. You don't have a hundred million. You go like 20,000 or some shit. It's terrible. Terrible. And you guys, do you have a here at quick, this little silence on the show. It's because Bobby's looking at his phone I know my phone. Will you stop fucking saying that you fucking piece of shit? Do you think I'm looking at the chat room?

I'm doing I go away from the camera so no one sees it and you gotta Floating we all gets quiet weird. Hey, how about this? How about say something meaning? I did say something We don't say something over the fucking show gonna you're always gonna pull the curtain back You can't anytime I try to take over you like answer your fucking show you just host from now on which I did once It was quite a hit So Michael how how'd you get so handsome? Bobby, do you think it helps having a kid because most of the audience is, you know, most Americans, most comedy, most people that are at a comedy club probably have a child.

I mean, you can relate more to your audience. I like this question. I like this question. Is it too straight of a question? I don't think so. I think for me, for the person I am, for my fucked upness, you understand? My shit is always, I've been off, you know, with my addictions.

I've been doing this to get my addictions. I've been doing this for accolades. I've been doing this for fame. I've been doing this to get pussy. I've been doing this to feel good. You know what I mean? I think that's the wrong reasons to do it. That can get you so far, that can get you a career, that can go for a long time, but there will be

a point I think will that will end and you'll be something that I didn't want to be. I'm trying to now it actually became like, oh shit, I want to become good. Good enough to be able to, this is a job and be able to sit down at a desk and make money from my family creatively with things that I come up with, which I see other people do and I always look I've always had the ability just to go up and kind of crush or be funny at least, which I think is, when against me, could go against you. I mean, we can look at guys from Boston. That was fun. Like, that are killers that headlines don't wanna take you

or don't want you to open or, what do you mean? Is that what you're saying to him? Just because you rely on you. No, because you look at guys, guys that are less funny maybe five years ago Are more funny now or know how to How to create more you know what I mean? I have to really work hard. I have a learning disability I don't know how to spell. I don't know grandma. I didn't go to school. So I have all the shit going obvious. Yeah

It's hard when a cute dude says it. I like it. Bobby, he got a little bang on blush. I was just, because he does that stupid little fucking smirk when he says me. And he's also wearing these socks. Can we show him this? Sure, I mean, he just poked us. It's hard to take care of.

By the way, you're wearing Reebok pumps right now, which is fucking sick. I love what you're wearing right now. This is like trying to do like a women's shoe shoot. I like that you know, it for me, it put thing in perspective for me. Some guys, it doesn't. I don't know, but you know, whatever your thing is, but for me, it did. I like it. That's how you started just going up in question, like just off the top. I was funny. Yeah. I mean, we're all kind of funny. We all kind of came up in that Boston era where everybody was, who was getting staged. So you didn't get stage time

if you weren't funny in Boston. You know what I mean? So it was kind of like, your confidence was kind of built in. I'm hanging out with, you know, the guys I was hanging out with, you went up and just were funny. You know, did any of them make it? You know?

You know? You're out of your crop, Bobby. He didn't really well. But, but, you know, but for me, you know, you're out of your crop, Bobby. He didn't really well. But, you know, but for me, you know, like, you know, you look at certain guys that, look, Patrice was just a gifted guy. He never had a notepad and never saw him with a fucking... He must have written. He didn't write.

He didn't sit and write. He didn't do mics. He no books. I never saw him with a pen. He never go, hey, man, can I use, never. He went on, he, we quit until he had something to say and then he'd come and say it and he'd remember it. And that's just was his jokes now.

I never saw him with a pen of paper. I never, he used to, if I had a piece of paper downstairs or a club, he'd rip it up and throw it away. You know what I mean? It was funny. But then you look at Billy, I remember Billy when we a club, he'd rip it up and throw it away. You know what I mean, it's funny, but then you look at Billy, I remember Billy, when we lived together, he'd be on his computer writing jokes for fucking hours. I didn't get that.

I never got that. Like writing down thoughts and blah, blah, blah. I mean, but you know, it's, it is a process, I know guys that do that. And they've been told. I never saw a day with a piece of paper. Dang just goes up and does shit and then he wants it works, he has it and it's in there. I never saw a day with a piece of paper. Dang just goes up and does shit and then he wants it works.

He has it and it's in there. I would forget it. I don't know. Maybe if it really is that good, you don't forget it. But I have to write shit down. I'll move close to the microphone. Sorry, everybody. I kind of fell asleep.

I stopped using that notebook because I would bring it on and then I would forget the bit because I had the safety net of. I have it written down here. I just stopped writing everything and just memorize it all. It's been such a weird path for me to learn to write jokes because I grew up in Newark and I was this. I was like the fact kid. So if I wasn't the funny kid,

I was just the slow fact kid who got his ass kicked by all the black kids. So for me, I was like, I had to be the funny guy. So I just, when I first got on stage, it was just me being funny and everyone was like, why don't you write some of this shit down and like structure it.

And that was the hardest thing for me to learn. It was like, I guess I had a learning disability in that. You know what I mean? Yeah, you know who's the best is Quinn? He's just like, I had this joke, this joke that I've been doing now, but that I just said doing one the fucking phone. And he goes, if you don't do that on stage, I'll never talk to you again.

And he's done that so many times where you're like, you're right, and then you go and do it, and you're like, oh my God, that's a great joke. And it just kills. But it happens a lot the other way. I've had him a million times, we're like, that's the funniest, I can't do impressions. He's like, that's the funniest thing.

You gotta do that on stage. And then I do, it's just zero, and they hate me. And he always wants, he wants everyone to do a one-man show thing. He's like, that's so personal, it's good. And like, there's no punchline. He's like, it't matter. It is it but I'm up there just saying things But I'm like yeah gave it guys. I have herpes and it makes me sad But here's the thing is I'm learning that's good though

That's the name your one-man show. That's a good T-shirt. I have herpes and it makes me I'm learning like I noticed something about my my my sets on the weekends like I'll go and I'm learning, I've noticed something about my sets on the weekends. I'll go and I'll come on, I'll do an hour and I will kill. People come up to me and they go, dude, you are funny the whole time. Like apparently people aren't funny the whole, no but I step on the gas and I realize that I don't need to step on the gas The whole I can actually step out and maybe do a joke or slow down a little bit and do a joke that my bomb I'm so scared because I'm not Famous or I'm not selling out 19 shows. I get so scared that I think I need to just fucking annihilate

It's a lost art I was talking to Nick about this to follow and he just did a new special that he's shopping around and it's not out yet, but I got a nice sneak preview. And it's amazing. He's that acne and he's destroying for an hour, which I feel like is a bit of a lost art. I mean, he's just fucking murdering.

Guys, it's a piece of it. It's a piece of it, definitely he's going apeshit for like 60 minutes. How does a one line are doing hour? I've always thought about that. I've never seen anyone doing hour that's a one of it. It's a piece of it. It's going apeshit for like 60 minutes. How does a one line of doing hour? I've always thought about that both I've seen anyone doing hour. That's a one line. How did he do that? Well like Todd Barry Yeah, but Todd Barry is like slow and pacy you know how does someone have just I saw I pulled out headbrick too. It's all personality with a lot of these guys It's so to be their personality can kind of draw you. And they'll take breaks and talk a little bit. Wasn't Hebrick ever really did it in an hour?

No, his CD was 28 minutes. Yeah, he did short time, it seemed like. Yeah, and I know, guys, I'll show up too, and they'll be like, you're doing an hour? Yeah, because most guys do 45 minutes. Most headliners on the road will do 45 minutes, and I'm the fuck out. And I never even like, acknowledge that.

Like I was like, I gotta do an hour. That's a fucking headliner, an hour and fucking kill it. But I think there's, like I did the other night. I'll bring my phone out and I have bits on my notes. And I did, but I knew like stuff's gonna bomb, and it's just something about that bomb that I think is good. You know what I mean? Well that joke is also developing to something better.

No, this joke isn't. I've done this joke before. Before times, and my wife was like, it stinks. And my wife, she's a good barometer. She'll be like, she's, you know, she's good. She is, she'll tell me too, you know what I mean? Whoa. That one's not okay.

I'm a fan of tea. What happened? Why don't you go by the cross in your legs? What happened to corporate tea? What if I literally just snapped? And fuck it up. Just Fox Sports want you, would a smiley face down your neck? Is that a bomb?

I don't think it was a bomb. I think it was wordy. I think it just lost steam. I don't know what it was. It wasn't funny. We can all agree on that. So you know what untie that and give it to fatty don't eat it I feel like you are you would disgust at that you it was so Fucking hurtful that you felt bad you were just staring at him like what I don't have to say that you're like It wasn't really a bomb. It was fine, but uh, maybe I don't know what a smiley face is. I don't know what the fuck

It's very new work It's when they cut you from year to year. Yeah. Oh yeah. Is anybody in this room a headliner? I've, I've, I've, I've, yes. Are you a headliner?

Yes, I am. All right, well you don't have to say with a cutie attitude. No, no, no, no, it's okay. It just, no, no, it's okay. It's never seen you coming up at a, I've never seen you at a club. No, of course, we have never met.

I mean, that's evident with you calling me Maddie and Michael Rappaport. Your name is Michael Rappaport. Rappaport. There we go. There we go. Yes, okay. There we go.

We got the assist there. You know, your name is Michael Costa from Fox Sports 1. That's correct. Sure. Not news. No, I spoke to him. Yeah. I know who you are.

OK, Miguel. Anytime you don't, just look at me and go line. Bobby, I'll be headlighting Go bananas and Cincinnati. That's awesome. That's a big game, actually. But you, but you, is that how you, are you a headlighter before you go this gig? Yeah, yeah.

So I was a stand up comic. And I got this gig. You're a very good looking. Thank you very much. But yeah, I have two or, yeah, so I was a stand I'm a stand-up comic and I got this gig but you're very good looking. Thank you very much Yeah, I've to yeah, I'm not going to line across the country and you know Yeah, are you playing? What when you playing go but Dennis April 24th to the 27th of your recording my new album my second album I was headlining on that first album as well 13 years ago

13 years ago thirteen years ago it's a funny question that it's a funny question i argue a headliner because zero because everyone can everyone can headline i mean what what is that mean and also a year from now someone that's opening for me i could be opening for like it doesn't you know it can change very quickly in this and but what does that mean to you a headliner? I don't know if that should happen. It that maybe

shouldn't happen. You got to sell those t-shirts man. Get out there. Come on. I don't know. What does that mean to you are you a headliner? What is that? I don't think that does happen though. If you're a headliner, you're not where. I don't think that's ever happened. That's not true. That's not true. I don't want it to be for me last year. Once you're a headliner, but once you're a, one, look it, once you're, you're a, you're a, you're a feature act becoming a headliner, okay? When you're, when you're headlining the clubs

and everybody knows you, you'll be that guy. I don't think you go back to being a feature. Maybe on a grander scale for like maybe somebody like a, a, a Louie a Louie or you know, or if if Nick is doing a big theater and he wants you to feature for him. But if you're doing a headline, if you're going around the country as a headliner at the improvs of the funny bones or the side splitters or the, you know, all the other clubs in the country, you know, the great clubs that I fucking love me is. But see, you know what I mean?

I think that you don't go back to featuring somebody. You're not going back to featuring someone. No, I don't think so. You can't. You cannot. You can't afford to. I don't think you could. I think you'd rather take a shitter

a headline spot at the other club than to feature for a guy that was your feature I think that'd be the wrong move so I disagree with you Yeah, the other time I saw it was when Bill Burt was still thinking gorgeous. Okay, and Bill Bill Bull got a guy and took I can't do Carnegie Hall and he had like verzy into Rosa who already been headlining because it's like Yeah, but that's different that's exactly the the scenario. I thought that's different. But that doesn't mean that, you know, that burrows are ever gonna fucking, just because, you know, the Rosa becomes a headline

and Burrows are never gonna middle for them. No, I know, but you know. You know what I mean? Maybe Keith Robinson would. Got them and I got a middle for the Rosa. You matter me. Yeah, and you check out the Rosa. I don't know. But I didn't know you were, I didn't mean to be insulted. Rosa. Um, I don't know.

I, but you're, I didn't know you were, I didn't mean to be in self-idential. No, no, I wasn't in salted, but what is that? I didn't self-idential. What does that mean to say someone is a headliner? It's always like, I always, I always find it interesting. Like, what are you writing your taxes? Do you write comedian?

Like, do you do taxes? Yeah, I have a bit of a question. I have a bit of a question. No, I'm not asking you, and I'm just saying, I assume you would write, but I'm saying, I always find it interesting, in LA, which I've had more experience with than New York, everyone fucking, I know, people are so much. Everyone fucking says they're from India.

Why is it, why, you can't, it's hilarious to me, I think that the initial, you can't hate LA if you're gonna be in the fucking business. It's hilarious, you can't, you can't hate LA. Well, there's too much hate. There's way too much hate on LA, which makes me laugh because I find that, you know, it can really benefit,

it could really benefit a lot of people, but the thing I was gonna say, the thing I was gonna say was, Yes. Everyone fucking tells you they're a comedian, right? And then I go, oh, you're a comic, like when's your next show? And they're like, I'm at the comedy store in six weeks.

You know, it's like, that what, you're not a comedian you don't you know you but that right that infuriates me because there's too many people working too hard yeah pushing too hard grind it to like what every night going up that's it here too not really here in this room in this room I believe my Facebook status says uh work at comedian work at comedians. I do you should be work work harder at comedian I work very hard, Bobby. I will say that you do yeah, all right every night Well, whatever you want to feel you want to take my joke and making it into a fucking real thing No, you know what cuz I felt like there was hate in there. No, there wasn't like you were LA me. I'm not No, there wasn't like you were LA me. I'm not

Fucking I'm fine tacos now that you're doing your show though, you're not fucking you're not doing stand-up I'm on the about the first seven week the first seven months I wasn't on the road because I couldn't be but now I have I get certain Fridays off and I go on the road and I do I do stuff. Do you do theaters now? I don't do theaters. I do not do theaters. What are you doing? Clubs? I'm doing clubs. Like next week, two weeks, I'm doing the Des Moines Funnybone. Last week, I did the Arlington Draft House in DC. What a great club.

Awesome place. It's not exactly in Arlington. It's so fun. It's a, I love that. It's such a weird with the, it looks like somebody just fucking, you're doing a show at Staples. It's very weird. The first time I did at Jackass 3 was out and they were playing it after me.

So the marquee said Michael Costa, Jackass. That's what the fucking marquee said. Yeah, it's a good free ass. Somebody spelled your name right. I know, I couldn't believe it. That's an Instagram moment right there. You should tell that joke to kids. You get a big erase boss.

Yeah, that's cool. So all right. Well, I mean, I mean, but nobody else, I think, I think a headliner to me is somebody that does an hour of funny shit. And that's how you pay your bills. Yeah. I think what do you do in a club to ask you to do 45 minutes or don't they? Because sometimes they don't because I'll say I have him do four and have him do it.

That does blow me away when a club will go, hey, we're gonna cut your time. And it's like, okay, are they still doing 25 and 10? Yeah, no, no, no, he'll do eight and he'll do fucking 19, you know, 17. And I'm gonna do a fucking hour, because you paid me, that's why I don't get the check spot the check spot blows me away Yeah, it's like you paid me a lot of money to come out here. You flew me here

You're putting me up in a nice hotel, okay, and you're gonna literally drop All the checks in the whole place at the same time right in the fucking pinnacle of my set I've been building and building and building and I'm getting up to the, I'm going to go fucking in 10 minutes. I'm going to go good night and you drop the checks and everybody just goes fucking, starts doing math. It's like, I don't get it. What, what are they dropping at right at your 45?

They, they drop it usually at 45 minutes or of 50 minutes if I have 10 minutes left. Oh, that's where they'll drop it. It's like, I don't think left. That's where they'll drop it. It's like I don't think you don't need to drop the fucking check. You just let people pay at the end and give them a stamp receipt and if they don't have one, they don't leave. It's the word. It's the check spot is the fucking worst, but I usually get it like 25. I mean, I guess you have 30 minutes of material. I don't even have 30.

I have 10, but I have to be up. But you're gonna sell T-shirts. Yes, I'll T-shirts right now. You're gonna do that joke. I do eight minutes of merch pressing the merch. That's what kills me too, is when they do the last joke and it's the T-shirt and they roll it out at the end. And I'm selling the T-shirt right here.

Oh man. Flags aren't funny. I know some great dudes that do that. I fucking hate it. Really? I do. You stink. There's one big time headliner dudes that do that. I fucking hate it. Really? I do, you stink. There's one big time headliner that still does that. Hey.

Who? Jake Johansson, he still does that. And he has a great bit about the joke and the teacher. I know what he's saying, Jake. And whatever. Listen, here's a deal. I saw a guy at Dejafield's runoff stage. He's the headliner.

Runoff stage and immediately start yelling, 10-dollar DVDs, and that action broke my heart. Is he a headliner? Yeah. It doesn't, if you're the headliner, I'm fine with it. I'm talking about the middle guy. Here's what bugs me about it, ready?

I wanna get back to this for a second. I told this guy this, too. I said, dude, you're selling these t-shirts. I don't, I let guy sell t-shirts now. If I'm not selling anything, sell whatever the fuck you want. I don't care. You're a fucking, just don't stand in front of me. Right, that's what I'm saying.

I was a man. I asked you, put them away. Thank people for, hey, thanks for coming to my show. Did nobody knew you were here? You could not show up and I'll do your time. And everybody would still be fine. Stand next to me at least. Don't stand in front of me.

And fucking make like it was yours you for hands out first But anyways, I was like you're literally you got people I Did this amazing club comedy on state. Yeah, Matt is Wisconsin. Yeah, it's crazy man fucking God if you can't have a good set there You should it's amazing place. What a great place, what a great family that run that thing, the sisters and the dad, Gus. I almost felt like it was, I was being set up by like some prank show. It's one of my favorite clips, the email

and not good emails back. The two girls that run it are gorgeous. The mom is gorgeous. The father's cool. Last, first name, Costa. They call him Gus, first name, Costa. Yeah, name costa yeah that blue yeah that's my last name oh yeah yeah

no but i think uh... you know i uh... unbelievable place unbutton the guy who was middle and would you go up he'd get everybody into this jockey's killing and all of a sudden he'd have to stop to do a sales pitch i go how about this do the joke and at the end say goodnight. Thank you so much. And guys, by the way, I'm selling my t-shirt. If you guys want to come grab one, $10 off front. I'll be saying hi with Robert after the show. You stopped your fucking act. You did a commercial. Imagine if they did that in a movie. I'm spooked.

Or a podcast. That was on that fuck. I'm you but you didn't okay? So don't take credit where it wasn't I risk looked we would never know if you're really gonna do it You could just be saying that and Joe didn't and you stepped on his fucking good my apologies But he didn't raise his hand, but I I don't raise him for points. I was gonna say that too, but he But he really would stop his act just to get into this fucking sales pitch It's like I don't get what you're doing. I was I'm sitting there watching you enjoying your side And then all of a sudden I'm sitting there going what the fuck is he doing? Wait a minute? What before I go?

Oh fuck you not be just keep going and then say good night Why are you stopping and give me this shit and holding up the dumb shirt and the shirt wasn't even a joke It was a shirt. It was a shirt. He was selling he was selling the haze medium blue I'm never gonna win this fucking argument with a bunch of fucking I'm not even arguing I'm not even arguing with you You know what you would argue with me because you sat down. Yeah, you would try to be the alpha male You would try to be the top of this relationship that you walked in, you tall, fucking the old water.

The only thing that I will argue with you, and this is, and maybe a comic of your generation who's further along and more experienced than I am without question, is I find older comics? Whoa, older, older, older than me. Okay. How old are you? I'm 34, I'm 34.

Oh my God, really? I find they don't always recognize Yeah, that different paths for different comics exist. I think I think I think there was one Path possibly and I don't know, but I you know, this is just an observation. I could be totally wrong Yeah, but it's so much fucking different now.'s so much fucking maybe you're right, and I don't know. I don't know. It's just a thought Michael costus yeah cost a singular. This is all this is a layer. Hey Chris do me a favor next time tell me to come Maybe you can just make sure that's like maybe like someone knows my name No, I don't give a fuck Michael. Yes, I I maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you're right.

Maybe you know what? Maybe I'm wrong. And maybe it's Maybelline. That's Maybelline. I, we're gonna get the fuck out of here. You guys, I really appreciate you guys coming on. I love it. You guys are great.

You guys are all, this is an interesting fun podcast. I hope you fucking wackos watching live, enjoyed it. We'll read the chat one before we go. Any any good stuff? Joe is as a middle in America but if he moved to Canada made event headliner. Dude you should totally fucking not move to Canada. Let's go fucking yeah anyways. Can you read it not like a fucking prisoner trying to learn how to read. You fucking- Don't be fucking good-haired fucking queer.

He not do good-ha-ha. Good looking too as well. Come on, just a lot of comedians have a gap where they aren't as funny as other parts of their act. I don't know what that meant. That's really like a whole on the show. Get off your phone. Sorry.

Some guy, great- Joe, get off your phone. B guy great big show get off your phone bizarre bizarre Jerry's fucking like when you're on your phone have some respect for the fucking up doesn't matter I wouldn't get on a phone on your dumb show you wouldn't do my dumb show you cancel the day before that's because I had to I know well it's not always the case good anything else

I was very excited very excited about doing Joe show. PSU 98, the guy who told me to come up, I said, he just donated to the show. He never donates to anything. That's awesome. I hate people that do something nice and then they get to let us know that I never do it. Exactly. Let's just do it. Hey, by the way, Haiti didn't get any of this fucking money. Right. Huh? Haiti didn't get any of this money. That was a pearl.

That's good. That was a pearl. I know. Don't let Bobby not hearing it fucking take you down. We're no no no, great time. Let me get this off my fucking ear. Why don't you laugh? Because I don't laugh as I'm fucking hard and in bitter. I thought that was great.

But you have to be hard and in bitter to make it as I'm fucking hard and then bitter I thought that was great but they have to be hard and then it amigot I'm not making it because you're gonna be miserable good for you Joey I wish I had a great joke I'm not making it it's a great joke now maybe Ernie's fault I don't think he's an unsanitary properly just kind of mumbled I think that kind of tweeted me he told me to get go go off but I didn't I'm sorry did you did fine, dude I thought you were fantastic father me is my haircut. I'm still I'm still fucking Fathering us. We're looking at it. I can't see it fucking dyke Why do you worry about what my mom calls? I hate your choices in here. You've hated all my choices in

Show up here with the long hair he hated it I had the ponytail I did look better with the long hair though I think you should shave your head completely I think I was more cast but why you want me to be Okay, your little brother with cancer Guys I'm in the great pocket only what do you got? My got a website check me out only Perez comedyaris Comedy and at OnlyParis on Twitter. Okay, great.

Thanks, man. You could follow me on Twitter at NotAlexis and on TAL. Sayas. What is that? Cause Alexis Guerrero says too long. Right? So is it? At NotAlexis and you can check out my podcast,

show me your bits. I wanna check it out, come on, I love to come on. I will love that. After I do Joe's. Nice. Are you coming down for the show next week? I'm not sure, am I scheduled for that? Tuesday.

I'm most likely in, I enjoyed the first one. Well, that, we're doing Rich Voss's live show next week. I am most likely. Well, it happened last week what's on his comes out. Oh yeah, sorry. But if you do his podcast, she'll take a photo, she takes his really great black and white. I am most what happened last week what's on his comes out. Oh, yeah, sorry If you do his podcast she'll take a photo. She takes it's really great black and white I know man your wife is amazing. What's her website? D-shoots did plug

I still got a fucking glass Thanks for the act out on that And I know what he said I did it everybody But he's also cubist I gotta let it go I'm gonna have to act out on that already. I'm gonna bring it to the end, the guys. I know, he said I did it. Everybody. He been okay here. But he's also cute, but I gotta let it go. Okay. I get it. Yeah, D-Shoot, she's a great photographer.

I'm fucking believe, she did my headshots. Oh, she would love to. Really? Yeah. Is that nothing? She'll do it for free for you. I don't like paying for tariffers. How about this?

Because we have a studio in the apartment. Yeah. And we live right by stand up in New York. We live across the street. Yeah. So do his crappy podcast, come over do my great podcast, and then just take by stand up New York. Yeah, we live across the street. Yeah, so do his crappy podcast come over do my great podcast And then just take a ketchup photo. Jesus. That's like I'm paying for it Form of payment you kind of alright. I will say you're 100 will not my cost at Michael cost to KOSTA

Thanks very much for having me. I heard a lot. I've just moved to the city I heard so much about you in the podcast. So I want to thank you for having me on I want thank Chris for inviting me to come Thank you. It was a pleasure. All three you mother fuckers. So I wanna thank you for having me on. I want thank Chris for inviting me to come. Good, thank you. It was a pleasure. We're all three of you, motherfuckers. Thanks for coming on. You guys are great. Joe. Hi, Bob.

Hi. I'll be headlining, city, steam, and heart for April 4th and 5th. I'll be headlining, go bananas and Cincinnati 24th to the 26th. It's coming my new album. And boy, I really need this one to be a big humdinger, so come on out. We're gonna plug the shit out of your album. Because, you know, it's somebody said it. I hope I have left.

You know it isn't, dude, but you are, you really fucking, just amazing, Joe. I really, I really, I saw your access live and I was like, holy, I called you. I'm fucking believable. And I'm, I'm, I love it. I love watching you guys fucking and I'm I love it. I love watching you guys Fucking kill it. I love it. Even though I you know, I hope you don't surpass me. I would fucking kill me

Joe list is top five and I have to fucking feature for Joe list and he doesn't let me sell my fucking shit Rich rich boss by the way texted fuck because I tell him he's ruining the momentum of the show And I he said fuck momentum. I'm for the working class vote boss not. Also, this is just a fucking podcast and they wrote thanks to the company. I wrote that he was first class. I just go to my website, kelifestuuga.com and make sure you follow the podcast Facebook, a YKWD podcast on Facebook and Twitter for the videos because we've got the full videos coming out every Friday now. This whole show we're videotaping Scopus producing it and he's doing a great job and we're gonna put him on YouTube every Friday so you can sit there and watch it if you get none to do you can you check him out live on the and it's like a TV show

It's not just one shot. We have scope of switching camera angles and all that shit So and that's from you guys the fans donating All this camera all this equipment everything's from you guys you guys are amazing scope. Oh, what do you got? I got nothing really great just probably on Twitter Can you fucking live? charisma of a donob He has the charisma of a donob. Oh, that was a good one. I got nothing, I don't know what.

I'm fucking, I'm in the city just trying to get better. That's all I'm doing and then I'll come out. I'm out. Say that. Say that. Say that. Say that. Say that.

Go on. No fucking t-shirts, no fucking bracelets. I'm in the city trying to get better. Tonight he comes to the table. I go sit down and goes, no, I'm not sitting at the comedy table with the seller. I don't deserve it. That's a fucking comic and a man. I respect that my fucking cost. Yeah, you got it right guys. Yeah, that's awesome I love it. You should have been outside of the seller Check it out. What do I got coming from a guy with zero credits?

The 28th and 29th Bobby will be at Uncle Vinnie's in point pleasant New Jersey on the second I grew the Ninth you're gonna be at just for laughs Toronto Canada. I'm way the fuck up there in Toronto. I love just for laughs I love their tours and I love Suzanne I love Zoe and Robbie that they put me on these. It's going to be a great tour. It's based out of Toronto, but we're going all over that area. So it's not just Toronto, but you can go to justfilafs.com

and check out where we're going to be. And I'm also doing the cow head roast with me, Norton. I think Florentine's going to be there. That's on the, I believe on the ninth. So I'm on the 10th. On the 10th. I'm popping out of the Toronto thing. Is it the 10th?

Yeah, this is April 10th right here. Okay, so I'm popping out of there to go down to Tampa and then I'm popping back up there I think, right? From what I'm doing? No, no, you're done there. I don't know, we'll figure it out. And then the 18th, you're in the back. Wilba Fierna, you clock suckers.

Wilba. Yeah, so make sure you guys go to robakelylive.com for all my dates. Get my award-winning app on my award is right here somewhere, I think there's a hat on it. My award-winning app, all my dates are on there. The podcast is on there, go to ridecast.com. Check out all the amazing shows. We have the best shows out there, go to ridecast.com, check out all the amazing

shows. We have the best shows out there, not as good as Santa Blabs, but we're trying. And one more dig. That's not a dig that was a compliment. I don't know what you guys are fucking doing, but there's a compliment. You just gave them another 20,000 listeners. Yeah, right. You got to get mine.

But thank you for listening. Thank you for donating. And we'll talk to you guys later. Bye, Dad. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs.

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