Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - The Hat Picks You

Episode Date: April 15, 2019

Andrew Schulz is in studio with Bobby to talk about the reaction to a recent audience member seizure, comedy cliques and the how comedy analogies! Plus Liz Furiatie from Keeping Joe is here to keep us in line! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude, on the riotcast network, riotcast.com. Hey, what's going on? You know what, dude, fans, this is, I know you want to go right to the video, but that's not going to happen. So I've asked you help before and I'm asking for it again. I've asked for it with GoFundMe, for people's medical bills and Christmas time for the children's hospital and the toy drives.

And you guys have always come through. You're the most generous fans I know. You're unbelievable. And I thank you for that. But I need you to help me once again. My sister, Lisa, has kidney disease. She's had it most of her life. Around 20 years ago, she got a kidney transplant and it saved

her life. But those organs only last for around 16 years. In 2016, that kidney started to fail. And she had to go back on dialysis four times a week. That's where they suck all her blood out, filter it and put it back in her body. It takes around three hours, three to four hours. They have to stick it. It's just, it's awful. She can't go anywhere because she has to be on dialysis. A flu could take her out. Her immune system is so low that she has to just survive.

And there's no way to live. And you can help. If you could go to leaseskinnney.com and just read about it. And then maybe click on the link and if you might be able to fill out the form and see if you could be a donor, that would be great. I know it's huge. Dude, you wanna give me a kidney?

Cause I like your podcast. No, I get it. If you don't wanna do it, I get it. I understand. But if you could, there's thousands of people that listen to this podcast, there's thousands of people on my social media, there's thousands of people that have seen me over the years and, and, and like my comedy. So maybe just one of you could do it. That would save my sister's life. So please, if you just even pass this on, if you push 15 seconds, I get it. I understand.

If you already saw this commercial I put in front of you, I'm not doing okay. You know, I get it. Move on, go to the show, enjoy yourself. But if you can, please again, leasescanneed.com. Go there, fill it out, see if you can be a donor or pass it on. I really appreciate you taking the time to listen to this and maybe one of you can help my sister live a healthy happy life. And that's it. Thanks. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet bird. This is gonna be a claustrophile. It's black-ass, it's no rules. Look at the mic-ass hole. I'm sure I've already said, should I regret it? Can I get a microphone?

No! What the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic-head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and eating, and sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 of the topics, no directions. I love doing it.

Play both sides of the coin. That's how it all holds her. I don't want to do anything. My podcast is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life. You never know. It's what we kill is you know what you podcast. My podcast.com. Here at the YKWD podcast, we use nothing but the best. And when we have pancakes on pancakes on day, it's bare mountain maple.

Thank you, bare mountain. They sent's a box. Oh my God. A box of syrup, a little mini syrup too. Pancake Sunday baby, beer mountain maple, pure new hampshire, that's live for your die. Unlike everything else, we have the windows opening the studio. So you will be hearing the occasional homeless person screaming or somebody begging for their life or god-free Anyways, so you will be hearing those people Bearem Mountain. Yeah, thanks for sending us this stuff Be Bear mountain maple. I'm going to use this grade A dark amber.

Sounds like something from Minecraft. Nurt alert. Oh, twitch all the motherfuckers on twitch. I want to see you become a twitch gamer. Just you every night, play for three hours. Dude, I do that in five seconds if I didn't have a fucking kid. And it's getting a little scared. Why do I sound why do I sound in a fucking? Why can't you make my fucking sound good? Zachary No, it doesn't I sound like I'm in a fucking tin can don't I?

Big Abbie said I'm off now Big Abby said, I'm off now. That's just, it sounds tinny, dude. You got it. Listen to me. Get fucking white out. Find out where it is when I say it sounds great and leave it there. Can you take a photo of it, Zach? And print it on you.

Get a tattoo. How much is a fucking tattoo of my settings on a fucking board? Well, he's losing it. B, B, B, D. Yeah. Three fingers left for those tattoos. So, listen. How much is a fucking tattoo of my settings on a fucking board? Bobby's losing it. Three fingers left for those tattoos. So listen, can you make it? I mean, does that sound better? Does that sound better? That sounds better.

People at home, I apologize. I get emails from you every week. When are you going to fix the sound right there? Zach, what's your email? Don't answer that unless you want dick sent to you. We do. Gabby wants huge dick picks. No, last time I said that I got about 6,000 dick picks of my DMs. Fuck you. What are you holding back for?

I really didn't hear that. I found as many as I could. That's funny, Mike. That's why we laughed. We didn't just say it's funny. What are you a school teacher? You teaching a funny class? Someone get that. What are you doing? I'm Instagramming on our Instagram.

Why did you get to do that? Why KW dude, what are you doing? I was putting in the tweet up. I hate both of you. You both have good excuse. Um, anyways, thank you very much, Maple people. Beer mountain maple. Uh, I'm gonna use it at this Sunday, I hope it's not that adults here, but I was not like, like out of the tree. I mean, that's good.

That's a good. They're sugar in it. Hell yeah. Do you can you have that? Yeah. And you're fucked up eating habits. I eat sugar. Do you?

Yeah. Is that vegan sugar is vegan? You're going gonna age bad age so bad and fast and suit I like seven good years Oh, you got you're gonna age when you white mush when you hit 34 you're gonna look like dog shit You're gonna look like the guy when they open up the arc of the covenant We have to do references from like five years ago, where like Marley and me and I only know what Marley and me is. We got a great show tonight. We got, well, we got Andrew Schultz and Liz coming up right now. We have White Mike, AKA Mike aka not gay Mike aka the Bobby Beast Master. What's up? We also have Gabby here aka the Muppet aka the pseudo Jew aka Bobby's favorite and

I'm from coming in right here. We got we got Becky aka human places aka the queen of whispers and on the couch. We got Chris aka the guy in the couch, I'm Adam nicknames. How about AK, the most annoying laugh on the fucking planet? I want to shoot him with a BB gun every time I hear that laugh. Don't you? He's trying so hard. I just hear the laugh. Let it rip.

Just hear it. And then shoot him in here Yes, he's gonna fucking explore Gabby tell people about the we doing the comedy camp, right? It's going through right. Yeah, are we telling people? No, not telling people yet, but we are doing we read through the spots We're gonna we're sneaking it. We're doing a sneaky sneaky little sneak. We're doing a sneaky comedy camp. Get away. We're already rented. I rented a bungalow, a little small bungalow, a K, a chateau, a K, it's a hot, it's a hot, And three campsites in a disclosed location somewhere in America,

somewhere in America. What the fuck? That means you're telling people where it's going to be. No, we're not. Undisclosed location. Yeah, I said, I said undisclosed, undisclosed, undisclosed. Disposable location. We're going to burn it down once we're done.

Yeah, fuck that place. What would I mean? once we're done. Yeah, fucked up. What are we doing? I would hate. I'm just closed. You said, disclosed. All right. There it is. There it is right there.

And we're going to have a camping trip. Our comics. I made this with mud. I made this shit. Yeah, we're going to stand mud. Yes, it's a camping trip. We're inviting a, it's probably just going to be us. Because everybody is going to say, now we We're all gonna have our own site just lonely

Just wake up mics by the fire at 4 in the morning, which is burning wood and mumbling to himself naked and tidy whiteies and Which Mike? Yeah, well both Mike. Yeah, it's a regular Tuesday night. I could also see you doing that. I'll be sharpening my knife Anyways Yeah, so that's going to be announced. That's a month. It's going to be a Monday or something like that or two, zero something. One or two nights, yeah, yeah. Well, it's going to be fun. Well, don't I'm, I'm, I don't want to give

too much information. One or two, three or four nights. But it's probably going to be two. There you go. That's right. We do the woods. That's still. Yeah. Just very excited about that. Uh, please, what else you have to announce there? Oh, laughable.com. If you love podcasts, please go laughable.com. It's a cross plat. It's a, what is it? Cross platform Android and iPhone now. Finally. So there you go. Android users. Go get it. If you don't have laughable on your phone and you listen to more than one podcast,

you're an idiot. You're an idiot. You're an idiot. You're an idiot. Fucking face fucker. Pretty good. That's good. That's awesome. It's face fuckers. Idiot face fuckers. And don't forget this. We have merch, man. You guys. All right. Here we go. We have three shirts, three hoodies, the YKWD logo, the hot new one. We got the, we are the dudes. Ooh, I'm sorry, the shit out there. You and you're, ooh. And then of course we have this one, Buddha Bob, the Buddha Bob, the dude himself right here. There you go. And on the back, this is why I love this. I love these shirts into the microphone. This is why I love these shirts. On the back, you're representing, look at that right there.

On the back of all the hoodies and the shirts, you got your little YKWD podcast, so you're representing us, but it's not all over the place. So you can wear the Buddha. We are the dudes YKWD. We got hoodies and we got black t shirts wide on black. White on black. Here you go. This is the fucking window, so I'm gonna. Somebody just died.

These shirts are so good. It must be illegal. Yeah. Wow, goddamn. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I're the 20 you wouldn't be here. Yeah, I'd be telling both you to slap in your asses. Give us some coffee girls. Fellas, what do you think? I wouldn't be here either. I still get your coffee.

Oh, you're Mexican. Yeah, you wouldn't be here. You'd be mixing the coffee. He's gay. Who's gay? I'm not gay. We wouldn't be here. I am Italian, so I'd have to live in a hole.

Yes, yeah. You really talk about most Italians in gay. Yeah, it's called being Italian. That's the thing. Because you're bad on lips. You kiss your grandpa on the lips. Yeah, you're really talking about most of times a game Yeah, it's called being Italian You kiss your dad on lips you kiss your grandpa on the lips. Yeah, everybody you think of fuck you Yeah, I'm fucking cousin Yes, but my pizons Yeah, I keep I really do believe that you're gonna age or just knock racially me or you're just gonna be tell this what Gabby's gonna look like Not even that me. Oh, it's going to be tell this is what Gabby's going to look like.

Not even that tan. Oh, where's the other one? What is the one I told you to keep up? There you go. That looks like me right now. That's Jan Michael Vincent. My hair looks like that. Gabby's going to look great until she's 32, 33 and then she's going to

fucking plummet. No, I know. I know I'm going to peak at 34. Oh, like Darrell Hannah. You're going to just look like a guy. She's it. Pull up Darrell Hannah. No, I don't know. to peak at 34. Oh, like Darryl Hannah, you're going to just look like a shizz it. Pull up Darryl Hannah. Look how hot Jen Michael Vincent was.

God damn it, man. Alcohol and cigarettes. There you go. There you go. Why did girls find what? But that's good. That's then that's then ones now the one right here. I'll be a fan.

Chesterfield. It's not great, but it's still not bad. It's not bad. Yeah, no, it's not that bad. She looks like fucking the guy who fought Rocky and Rocky for doesn't like Trocko. Thank you. Couldn't think it was fucking name.

Yeah, I have seven good years left. Yeah, you're gonna, yeah, you, there you go. Click on Vince Neal. That's where you go. Okay, with that. That picture. Yeah, you're gonna click on the Vince Neal. It's right Neil. That's you. Okay. With that. Not a picture. Yeah. You're going to click on the Vince

Neil. It's right there. You're fucking a top right. Right. That's Neil Young. Oh, sorry. Sorry, dude. Hey, this is the problem.

This is between us. I look like if they had a kid that was their age right now. Oh my god. Look at that. Thanks. You're going to get that neck. Oh, you're going to have that. I'm going to get it fucking taped right now. Oh my God, look at that. You're going to get that neck. Oh, you're going to have that now. I'm going to get it fucking taped right up. Just pay somebody to pull

this neck. I'm not my assistant. Just hold my neck back every day. That's that's my. I love that you're having a city. I was probably doing some hot boy, some straight boy. Yeah, some straight kid from Staten Island. You're going to make hold your net back. And that's David. So yeah, right. Um, I just went and stand Island. Look at that neck. If I had that fucking little, oh, what I get that fixed, the neck, what I get that

cut, can you cut that up? Yeah, you could fucking tape that shit right up. If you're a singer though, you can get that zipped right up. That's skin. Really? Yeah, it doesn't affect your vocal cords. I'd get that fucking. Yeah, I'd get all of it. I'm going to get a fucking hall new face.

You have to give 36, too. Yeah, yeah. You're going to make it in this business. What? What? I'm sorry, it's not the 90s. The job is going to be tighter than a fucking nickel. Patreon. Patreon, oh, Patreon.

Yeah, we get some cool stuff going on Patreon. I have a great, I didn't get it up. This fucking, I tried to put the, I did a really good one on one with Rubo Ray about the origin story of how he got comedy down to a Rubo, like good shows. It's awesome. And it's going up on Patreon.

It was supposed to go up last Wednesday and it kept failing on me. I was in, I had to go to Calgary last week. Before you move on, we have one new patron as well. Oh, yes. Chris Lease. Chris Lease, thank you everybody. Blood for Chris. I'm kidding.

Why would you fucking, what we as morning zoo show? No, that would be that. Let me have a. Yeah, that was far. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, if you're a fan of mine, if you're a fan of mine, you need to be a fan on this podcast. Go a patreon.com slash Robert Kelly and become a fan five bucks a month. You get everything. Get the podcast early.

You get the audio version early. You get the one on ones that I do, like the Ray and all the other ones I have up there. You also get live from the shed. Gabby's editing, which one are you editing? Liza Colbe. Liza Colbe, you're gonna love that one. So good, oh my God.

So that's coming out and I think a week for you guys and I do all this stuff. Tonight we're actually me and Mike Fini, or I call him Mook Fini. I put him as Mook Fini in my phone. I just never changed it. I love that. And I him what's up mook and he doesn't even acknowledge it But it's in my phone it comes up as mook You know

But we we wrote two I think three little sketches on food rules that are pretty funny with film and one tonight Downstairs so those are gonna go up on Patreon first and then go out to the worldwide web on the YouTube channel here at You Know What Dude. And I want to say this too, Patreon people, some of the older episodes of Live From The Shed that you've seen, go see them. If you're new, go watch them all. Start with Colin Quinn and go all the way up to, I forget who was the last one. I think it was your father. Yeah. Yeah. David, David bread. So go check him out. Go check him out and become a member because we are going to be releasing some of the earlier ones up on the YouTube page on YKWD for everybody

to check out. So if I have dollar patrons, get the hold hands with Bobby for five seconds at the olive tree if you're in new ones. So yeah, that's true. You just have to come up and go look, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, what is it called? 25 dollar pay? Yeah, but it does a name for it. Oh, what's it called ultimate dude premium? premium dude? No, is it premium? premium dude? I think it's the ultimate dude. Ultimate dudes five premium dude is 20 premium dude.. So there you go become a premium dude And you and that's it you get to hold my hand speaking of premium dudes

Don't break that fucking 30,000 dollar guitar Look at this That's when you know is when you know somebody is Popping a little bit in the business. They start wearing kooky clothes and only five people can get. That's like a rain jacket, Mary Tyler Moore would have worn, but you put a bullseye on it. Now it's hip hop. Now it's hip.

What? That was cool. It's hip hop. Put a slanted pocket, motherfucker, and a bullseye. And now it's mine. Hi, Bobby. Hi, buddy. I was speaking to Keith downstairs.

I feel so bad for you. No, no, no, no. We're on the left side of the right side of him. I sat on the left. Oh, yeah, that's a good side. That's a good side. Yeah, I got to go on a good side. And put it up, pick up his arm and put it on the table.

What did that old asshole have to say? He said, tell Bobby, fuck you. Yeah. He said, fuck your podcast. And tell that to me. That's very intelligent. Yeah, sounds like him. Yeah. And he was pissed. Like, he was grabbing his arm and like, fuck your podcast. That's what he said. That's very intelligent. Yeah, sounds like him. And he was pissed.

Like, he was grabbing his arm and like hitting the table. Like, it was really going after it. Like a judge just, come on, I mean, fuck you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no just get mad and fucking throw it against a brick wall. I didn't think it's nothing. Stick it in a toaster. Like, motherfucker, I'm crazy. Yes. Yes, yes. We have the other shirt.

And Lizzie. And Lizzie's coming up with a fine shirt. What is that shirt? That is a great shirt and a Booster. Thanks. Do you have a booster on? That is a great shirt and a boost the aise. Do you have a booster on? What's a boost the aise?

Oh, no, some bra a bra that makes you boobs look booster. A corset? No, not a corset. That's what I had on when I broke my ribs. Remember that? You remember that? I was on stage with the fucking thing. You think you're a corset? They give me a rib bra when I broke my ribs.

It's called a rib bra, but I wore it and it pushed my titties up. So I looked like the fucking third King's daughter, the family. You may marry my daughter. Hello, father, who's just the right man for me? Just, you know those fat girls that aren't proportioned? It's like just a massive gut and just these little volcano egg-up titties. You're like, ugh. Oh, fuck. Oh, God didn't squeeze fat into your tits.

Oh, dude, being fat with no tits is the worst. Being fat with tits is bad for a guy. I'll tell you that. But listen to that girl. That's true. You have your girl and you have no tits and you fat. Look, I'm fat so I can say this, okay? That's sad.

It's sad. You got to go get some. You could buy them now. Can't you? I believe say this, okay? That's sad. It's sad. You got to go get some. You could buy them now. Can't you? I believe, now let me tell you this, I believe that the way the clothes you wear and how tight you wear your belt determines where your fat goes. Like does that make sense? So if you wear it tight, it will center a little high.

If we walked around naked, if I would, you know, we would just, the fat would go where it's supposed to go. But because we wear belts and pants and shit, we, we cut the fat off. That's why when you see fat people, there's no, they don't have fat legs. I love your stang. I love your 70 hundreds medical logic there. That's all right. No, this is hard.

Okay. We're so good. That's like, that's like when you get, I got thin little Irish legs. So you got little, I think my belt cut off the fat. You're just put like a cake pop. Yeah. Yeah. I really am.

I really am. It's like I think if I didn't wear pants, it was just, it would even out. It would even out. I think it would go down to my ankles and fill in my legs a little. That's fucking great man. I think that would go down to my angles and fill in my legs a little that's fucking great man. I think that

It's switched to overalls about me try that out. I think if I wore fucking overalls You ever see fat red necks? Proportioned that's true and they got big nice hot hot out legs It's really strong. Yes, the uh, look at see that's what I'm talking about southern white Oh, that's you just an armadillo. Oh my God. That can't be real That's not so much real body. I was like calling Come on Look at his he is chicken leg. He does man and just incredible. What a bad serving. Let me tell you ever see all right

Let me ask you this. Do you ever see these big girls down like he was a big girl. And she has those jeans on. I want to know where they get the jeans with a waist real thin. But everything else is huge. Oh, like a skinny waist. We're skinny waist big fam. But I'm talking about a lot of space. Yeah, yeah, all them are on that.

Because I saw that there's an ad on Facebook right now that's highly popular. Okay. And there's a bunch of these girls thinking might be targeted to you, but I'm not, definitely not. No, no, no, no, impossible. No way. It's a video game.

Video games tacking this spandex outfit. Yeah. So I want to be targeted. Just like, I'll come clean right now. I'll come clean right now. I got sweatpants jeans. Did you? Look up your jeans.

Wait. I got sweatpants. Dude, could that be your next video short? I'm getting them tailored, man. You're getting them tailored. I'm bringing them down. Yeah, because they're a little wide, you know what I mean? The leg, you're saying.

The legs, I gotta get a little tell them, huh? They're bootcoop. I'm gonna get them straight leg. I think they're built for what your legs will be. Yeah, if I'm like, if I'm like, if I'm wearing a little bit of them, it's just gonna fall in place. They're so, let me tell you how comfortable these things are. It's really over, bro.

I can't wait. You know where I got them? I tell you. Are you worthy? Do you know where I got them? Where's that? You know the Builder Bear in Vermont, the original Builder Bear? You're shopping at a bear store?

Is it for like the seven foot drill pair? Is it for the lifestyle stuff animal? Do you really life side stuff animal Understand that's not that build the bear in Vermont You can buy a show. I'm getting my watchcloth at the animal sanctuary. I, I, I've signed there like a little, you know, you can buy, just, and they had men's pajamas jeans. And I went, what are these? And he went, those are pajamas jeans.

I said, what is that? He said they have like sweatpants, but they're jeans. They look like jeans when you wear them. And I go, I want them now. I go, how much? I go, forget it. Doesn't even matter. Doesn't matter.

I know you. I put them in the fucking bag. I haven't worn them. I'm just, I went through them on. But I broke them out the other night and I put them on. And wowie inside the house. It was inside of you. He went out.

No, I didn't go inside yet. No, I didn't go outside. No, you're going to be tired. I'm going to wear them here one night. Here't go outside. I'm going to wear him here one night. Please. I'm going to wear him here when everybody was your here when when Keith is here when Norton's here call everybody. All you fucking evil cocksuckers are downstairs and I'm going to walk in and I'm gonna walk him proud too. I'm gonna walk in with fucking swank.

My mojo, my stink is gonna fucking trail me. And you know, what the fuck's up with fatty? Why does he got confidence? And I'm gonna see if you cock suckers know. And I will take that beating if they find out, but if they don't, just got free. You don't say that.

I'm not free than I fucking. Yes. Are the pockets drawn on or their actual pockets? Cause this is big in terms of finding out if they're real Let's try as a good question my friend and I believe because I just tried them on and get them to got them sized Mm-hmm. I believe I believe My wife Camille I never drug her I fuck her regular I Camillo, I never drug her. I fucked her regular. I wish a drug, she won't shut the fuck up about this rapeship. I'm not drug her.

I, sorry. I'm like, this is a copy of a pocket. I'm killing me right now. I don't even know what about the pockets. What the fuck? What's in the pockets? I have pockets, this pocket. There are pockets. Like, this pocket. You the pockets? I have pockets. There's pockets. There are pockets.

Like, there's pockets. Your fancy pockets? Sweatpants, your pockets. Oh, yeah. And there are half-deep pockets. Buddy, let me tell you something. When you see these, like, you didn't have pockets and they were painted on. Oh, that'd be better.

They're dead in the water, no. You're dead in the fucking water. What a flush. You know what I love to do when they're, I love you. I'd like to say something. I'd like to say something. I'd like to say something. I'd like to say something. I'd like to say something. I'd like to say something. I'd like do one night. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you them exactly what happened. No, no, Bobby's walking into the cellar with pajamas. It's fine. Yeah, put it on life. Have you walked in them yet? I've walked in them around the house and they are. Look at them.

There they are. Those are them. Those are them. That waistband better not be visual. If the waistband is visual, it's an issue. You're going to have a shirt that covers it. You usually have a shirt that comes over. I'm going to show it that comes over. but dude, the wrinkles, the wrinkles of painted.

Paint that's a painted wrinkle. But that's a lot of jeans had that, so you'll get through with that. I think you're good. As long as we don't see the pockets, what's gonna happen is someone's gonna sit next to you and Keith's dead arm is gonna be laying on your jeans. I think he's not gonna know. And then he's gonna pick it up with his other arm and his fingers gonna brush a picture of the Timmons. I have game. Bobby picked up his keys. He's got some momentum and picked up a chip all the way.

You're agile all the sudden. My cartwheels don't know. Bobby backflip. I got him for 10. I was going to spend 50, but that's fine. I want to spend $1,000. I know. Let me tell you something, dude.

I put these mother, you know, I really want to do one night, but you'll be hilarious. I don't know if I can do it. If we could have somebody like get naked from the waist down and body paint me. Maybe just cover my junk, right? So I don't get arrested. Cover my down and body paint me. Maybe just cover my junk, right? Right. So I don't get arrested. Cover my junk and just walk in with jeans on. You know those hot Brazilian girls doing like that. That just sent a chill for my bones.

How funny with that? That's how much I'm like. Just like a, but don't shave like just have the hair where the hair is. You can find somebody. I think we do it. I just walk in and just see if people notice. like just have the hair where the hair is. Do it. You can find somebody. I think we'll do it. I think this is better than the protection. I feel calm about this. And just see if people notice.

Just sit down at the table. And just feel like what's up? You know, in Norwood, you know what? Norwood's spiny senses completely unaffected. He'll smell the skin. But there's cock. There's no cock is in the air.

I said cock around. You should definitely do that. I, uh, so, so I got those. I'm very excited about how to wait. How long is it going to take to have them tailored? Just a couple days. Nice. I was just a club up there. Calgary. Oh, I thought you were in Vermont. No. Oh, Vermont comedy club is the shit. Is it really good? I'll tell you why it's awesome. They did it right. It's a very small club. The ceilings are small. The people who run it are the sweetest cools. It's the helium guys. Right. It's Mark. It's no club. No, no, no, no, no, no, bring up from my comedy club owners. Um, no, it's a husband and wife. I don't think that is it in Berlin. He bought it.

Berlin to Vermont. He buys. He buys everything. Sam got hit on the head with a pint glass. Or the pint glass. Who did that? Sam was after a show went to a bar and some dude came up and was like, you go to Vermont, whatever. And whoever, his opener was like, yeah. And the guys like, I want to punch you in the face. And Sam's like, okay, I took a pint glass, smashed it on Sam's head. He broke it on the head. And I want to sample a few fro saved his head. Sam or Sam around. Yeah. It's head. Broke it on his head. And what a sample. Jufro saved his head.

Sam or Sam or Sam. Yeah. It's the yeah. 100%. He said, okay, go ahead and do it. Yeah, he was like the guys drunk whatever. I mean, that's why I don't know. I don't know.

And then yeah, right there. I'm not gonna create that baby. What's this? That's right there. Nathan. Okay. And Natalie Miller? They're right there Nathan. Okay. And Natalie Miller. They're Jews. And yeah, Nathan looks familiar. I can say that. No, they're sweetest people ever and the great club and they run it so fucking cool.

It's usually a two-man show, which I love now. Yeah. I love the I fucked the host in MC. Just give a guy 25 minutes up in front of me and just say my name. Let me come out. No, no, the bullshit man. I think that'd be so good if a lot of the guys opening were seasoned. I think sometimes you get on the road and their guys are really new and they just don't have 25 minutes. And then they're just tanking for the last, you know, 15 and then you got to mount it up.

Did you bring someone with you or did they? I brought Stavvy up there first time. And then the second time I went up with, no, I brought nobody. I just let them. And they had somebody and I brought Max and Dawn. But I would tell you, the lake is right there. We went to the lake all day. We swam.

It's nice. It's fucking beautiful. And then at night, all the restaurants during the day, it's, you know, I mean, it's. It's a cool little community. It's a little farmers, it's all that farmers market. I tell you, there's a one place up there. Just say it, bro. Just say it, bro. There's no black people.

White people in a hot deal. All right. We should have saved it for longer, like 30 minute buildup for how amazing it is. She's everybody gets along, you know? It's just a splendid place to live. It's everybody so polite, you know, you're wrapping about gentrification or anything.

It's just all the people that yabba about gentrification live up there. They want us to be gentrified, not them. It's really true, dude. I'm up there. I'm like, I feel Puerto Rican while I'm up there. Are you Puerto Rican? No, I'm Italian Irish, you fucking savage. Haven't told me you're Puerto Rican.

Hello. Who Keith? No, he's just thinking because people have said Puerto Rican? No, what's that? I wish you fucking savage. Haven't told me a Puerto Rican. Who Keith? No, he's just thinking because people have said Puerto Rican Bobby from the picture. I'm a wall downstairs. Because you're adopted, right? No, I'm going to adopt it. You're fucking weird out. Somebody said that you were adopted. If you are actually like, you don't want to do 23 of me because they think you think actually Puerto Rican. That was when Colin was trying to figure out his actual nationality and we wrote it on the table trying to figure out. Yeah, I don't know.

Somebody was like 100% sure they're like, yeah, Bobby, the reason he's afraid to do something to me is to say somebody because I need to know that dummy is so we can trash him. All right, it was rich boss. Okay. Yeah. Let's kill it. Exactly. All that to rough.

Whatever you said is just thrown out the window. He's Puerto Rican. Let's kill it. Exactly. That is all that's wrong. Whatever you said is just thrown out the window. He's Puerto Rican. We have to start over now. It's rich folks. Yeah, these people, these people are rich. I think you're rich. And the club is in the fucking, so you go downstairs

and the club is in the hotel, but in the basement. So it's not like it's attached, but not attached. Those clubs usually suck. Yeah, but every once in a while, like, did you do the Jacksonville comedy zone? No, but that's in a Ramada in. So you're like, oh my god, this is going to be horrible, but it's actually the club's nice. Everyone's in a while. They get it right. Did you do the comedy in in Miami? I did. That was not how it in dude. So that club is so nice for how big of a dump. Yeah, that whole, yeah. That's not holiday. So that club is so nice for how big of a dump. Yeah.

That whole, yeah. That is called. That is called. That is called. That is called. Oh, I got the areas of dump. It's good. Yeah.

But the guy is such a good guy who runs it and it's a tiny little like really wet. Look at it. It's like a, he really, he really did this dude cultivated a comedy community in the middle of fucking Kendall. Yeah. That's what they don't get it. Like, it's like the sticks. It's like Kendall and then the Everglades.

So like Miami is a digestible form of America for South Americans. All right, stop. You do Rogan once. I'll have a send you a nine-dug word. No, okay, but the digestible form of America. Shut up. Put it this way, right? Just say what you're trying to say.

So like, you know how to me, dummy. All right, you know how Hawaii is America for Asians? If he's Carson, it's like, I'm channel nine in 1997. It's like the middle of Cuba. You're in like Cuban. Only New Yorkers got that joke. Okay, so like, you know, you know, you're like, oh, this is America, but for Asians. They don't talk about. I apologize. You're just there. You're like, or no, no, meaning like Japanese people can come here and they feel it's Asian enough where they're comfortable. But it's still American enough.

They get an American check. That's Miami for South Americans and like, especially that neighborhood. Right. And that's why comedy usually doesn't work out there. Like they've had the, the, the, the problem, but they're closed and they got a new one. It's really beautiful. It's awesome. And, uh, and it's run by two really good folks.

So they're, they're cool. But, uh, Justin and his wife, this guy, uh, I forget the question right now. I thought it was what's really beautiful. It's awesome. And, uh, and it's run by two really good folks. So they're, they're cool, but Justin and his wife, this guy, uh, I forget the question. I thought it was what's his name? No. Joel. Well, maybe Joel's their boss. I think Joel's, but you connected with them when you went on that. They're really cool. They fucking love comedy. They're, they're about Joel. Joel's great. I love. Yeah. The route is awesome. Yeah. But basically, the reason why I never worked there is because all the tours that come to Miami are coming there to do South American shit. And they're also going to the beach.

Not stand up. They're going to the beach and they're going to drink and party and like snort all the days. You come to New York, you like stand up, right? You're going to come to the cellar. You're going to watch a stand up show or a lot of people that come, you're going to go to Broadway because that's part of what you expect when you come out here in New York.

In Miami, that's not the expectation. So the tourist, so what's that? It says you go there and you dance literally. when you come out here in New York, in Miami, that's not the expectation. So the tourist, so what's the expectation? You go there and you dance literally. And this, the comedy in is so far removed from any fucking place. I would say that I would say I want to, my Emmy wants. Yeah. And I danced.

Do you do co? I went dance. Do all the blow. No, I don't do blow. I went and dance. What? Where? What the fuck? I did it on the? I went dance. Do all the blow. No, I don't do blow. I went in dance. When where? What the fuck? I did it on the street. I danced. I was I'm afraid of dancing shut up. I went to a club. You're afraid of dancing. I'm afraid of dancing. I don't know. When I was a kid, I used to love dancing so much.

Good. I'm sure. I literally grew up in a dance studio, so I'm very supportive of dance. Of course you're our Twinkle Joe. Hi. Okay. You're afraid of dancing? Are you? I'm gonna right now.

You're afraid of the shit that grows on the trees. What's that? The white things that grow on the trees. Best of all. I'm not afraid of anything healthy. I'm not afraid of it. I'm against it. Oh, fuck.

Okay. Oh, the the nose flounders. The just the cum flowers. Nobody's afraid of them. I just don't like it smells like come on. One of the funniest things that this is early in my standup. You know, early in my standup. Yeah, there's a video of you and opian Anthony, right? I don't know what that's about. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. Well, this is gonna work out. Taking off YouTube. Opian Anthony and they fucking pranked you. I think it was opian Anthony. Well, I called them up and I told them about the G's trees. G's trees. I was watching in New York City in the spring. You'll smell it now. And nobody brought it up. And no one's

mentioned it. I was another first for Bob Kelly on the fucking opian Anthony show. Yeah, yeah. And I brought it up and I was I was walking out of a Starbucks with you know, Dawn was there and I go, what the fuck is that? I go, just blow somebody in Starbucks. She goes, what? I go, come here. I go, why did you smell like jizz?

And I'm sitting there and I'm like, I go, do you smell jizz? She goes, yeah, I smell jizz too. And I looked up and we were standing on one of these white fucking trees, the jizz trees in New York City. And I tell you right now, I'm like, it smells like jizz. I grabbed a branch and I started telling everybody, it smelled like, oh my God, it smells like, come,

fucking pure, just come on your cheek, come, right? Yeah, first, first off the, I want to tell an Opie, and I think I told cheek come right. Yeah. First out the I want to tell an O.B. and you know, I think I told Sam or somebody right. And of course Sam back when he was an intern, he took that information to O.B. and they ran with it. They ran with it. And you had like a fear of it. Well, here's a guy. Kui preventalating while they put it in my microphone. So they took the they were good. They were good. They took the phone off right. The phone they put it on me and it was just filled. So I want to just

smell that guy. I just went. I was just in a sauna in Chelsea at a fucking crunch gym just at noon on a Tuesday. And I was just so much jizz at once. I almost I was just fucking guard. I heard it was so much. Yes. Yeah. The jizz trees and now you're also afraid of I'm not afraid. You she's more than now that I'm aware of them.

I'm dancing and dancing. I was afraid of that she's more than now that I'm aware of them. I'm dancing. I'm dancing. I was afraid of dancing. It's not like we're just in general. I was afraid, when I was a kid, I used to love dancing. Right. And I've always believed in my hearts of hearts that I was a dancer. I can't wait for Jeremy. I'm at skirt now.

Now when, yeah, Jeremy, great with the flyers. Thank you for that point. Many times. Even when I watched that Michael Jackson thing with the kid who was the dancer, then he was doing this stuff and the, and I was like, I, I could pitch myself as one of those. Right, right, right. Yeah. Why don't you get back into it?

I'd be good. I mean, what you got your pajamas. You got everything ready to go. I tell you what, there's nothing cool than a chubby guy dancing good. I mean, what you got your pajamas. You got everything ready to go. I tell you what, there's nothing cool than a chubby guy dancing good. That's true. That's true. It is immediate viral video.

A chubby guy doing anything good becomes viral. Right? Exactly. That's the only thing that won't go viral. You have to be a little fat Chinese baby. Did you see that? Yeah. That was hilarious. Yeah.

I, I believe I can, I was always, I was always great at weddings when I was a kid. There's always these videos. And then I stopped in my 20s. I became a fear ran over me. I remember when I first got sober in 17, 18, I go to these AA dances every Friday night at these church baby, and I would dance all night long. Cause all that, that's how you met girls.

You just, and I was sober. I was trying to meet sober girls. And you would dance for two hours and meet a girl and hang out and go, you know, but then something happened in my 20s when I started comedy. Yeah. And I got, I got self-conscious. Well, I remember going to a wedding and just

freezing up and just standing there. And I remember people asking me, do you want to dance? I was like, no, I don't know. And the first wedding I danced that again was Lenny's Lenny Marcus. That's how uncoordinated the Jews were that you fell comfortable dancing at the wedding. Yeah. There was a lot of cheese there. Yeah, a lot of Jews. And John Papa. Ryan Hamilton. Tom, not Jewish. Tom, not Jewish. Italian. Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa That's it. I got something. What's this friend? There's something going on. There's something was on. Lions are crossing.

I want to see a dance, Bobby. Let's dance. My mom will teach you how to dance. No, she. Absolutely. But I would like to learn a whole thing. Yeah, my mom's three time US ballroom dance champion. No, where it goes.

Oh, do it. Let's do a coordinated thing. Bring Dawn. You guys can do a coordinate dance. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, at CQ's wedding. Just you. Wait a minute. That's one option. The other option is you and Keith. Oh, you can't drag him around. I'm going to twirl these guys. That's like a guy in the subway who has the dancer connected to him. Exactly what I'm talking about. So the dancer connected him is stapled to his foot, right? So you take Keith's semi-dead foot and you staple it to yours.

I think one who's kind of alive, right? One is the other one. Yeah, the other one's got a drag. Whatever. So you tape the drag onto yours and then you can try to lift them around to move him. Yeah. Just a real big burning situation. But we can do real talk.

Because we can dress him all in black. We want to be like, we want to miss Sam. Um, um, we like was that Mark could join twins with a mat, mat Damon. Oh, what he was an actor so bad to wear all black and blended into the background to the screen, right? Is it me?

One of the funniest movies ever. Really good movie, yeah. They were great too. At the top of their fucking career, they made this movie when he was acting. We're all black and pretend he wasn't there. I was fucking funny. Yeah, good.

Thanks for bringing that photo up. Appreciate it. Just scrolling through the same photo. Just typing Matt Damon and stuck on you acting. And it would come up. Do I need to tell you how to do this? I'm 48. I just learned how to do this. What is it called? Internet? Internet. Internet. Web. Anyways, um, no, you can leave that open. Let's let's let's let these fucking homeless people scream.

Who is that? God for start. God for it. I'm gonna shut up. Anyways, Anyways, yeah, we should do that. Maybe me and you I think me and Liz could we could blow the roof off. Yeah, let's do it. What do you guys want to dance to? I don't know. We have something to do. I think it should be really like elegant and beautiful.

Walt. Yeah, fucker. Do you need these waltz? I think that's it right. Listen to me. Listen, get you in a tux. Have you looked like the penguin? I'm a fucking in a tux. Have you look like the penguin? I'm a fucking. It sucks. It one person who was with me on that.

I was a great one. I really just did. Please, please do his bell must have been super tight. Do you see his disperse? Not that when you fuck him. No, I think you go with the little more dress. Not Tuxedo ones. He take Tuxedo out my Michael. I think you go with that penguin one'm going one just listen to me Michael. Don't listen anybody else except for Liz or a like a Gabby or Mike or Andrew. Okay. Oh, that right there. That's a sweat. That's what I want to get right. Right. Right. Right.

It's about that. I'm going to get that it's Velcro suit. It's made out of jumpsuit. It's made out sweat paint material. That's sick. That's what it looks like. Derosa, doesn't it? Just tearing. That's it. This is fucking. I just made my own meatballs. I got a show tonight. DC's the best Marvel socks. Oh God. So anyways, that's what we'll do. Will you mom teach us? Yeah, for sure. When is the wedding? No, he's not anyway. Yeah, for sure. Anyways, what's that wedding? How old is Colin? He's a I don't know. I know you do I'm not saying good for a lot. Your loyalty to Colin. Yeah, what's the issue? I love it. Other people know in his age. Is that it? Is that a It's not a nine everyone else 59 is 59 there you go Wikipedia. He's 59

Sharp, mm-hmm. I know how old SD is too. He's marrying SD Why am I am I People also but look at but why that's a bad picture needs to change that. How do you change that rich 61? How do you change that? Yeah, rich is older than Khan. He's 62 now. Look at that. Look at that crew of people with. Oh my Lord, bro.

Just the terrible. Dude, it's just a matter of. That's a weird one. Khan, that's he. Do you remember Daniel Abel? Do you remember Daniel Abel? Well, this is the funny part. I was just saying this to somebody

about you the other day. Cause they were like, oh, he's, he's, he's, he's just, you know, like you weren't around for a while. I go, this kid has been fucking hustling for a long time. When did you get past her 10 years ago? Oh, I've been there for a while, yeah. In here for a while, but even before that,

you were over at Lebel's radio station. Yeah, yeah. Comical radio. Comical radio before podcast. He doesn't get credit. I think he started the radio station. Yeah, yeah. Comical radio. Comical radio. Before podcast, he doesn't get credit. I think he started the comedian podcast. He started it. Aaron was on his podcast where they would interview comics.

And he, this kid, LaBalle Danny, right? Yeah. He would get everybody. He got Paul Giammani. Of course. George Carlin. Wow. To come to his radio station.

To be in sketches sketches to be in shit I mean he got everybody to do anything. Yeah, he had this weird fucking annoying Endering personality Dave, right? I think his name is Dave for something like that. Oh, oh, I thought you're talking about his funny Danny Yeah, Danny did yeah, yeah, Danny had this weird like lovable annoying personality Yeah, and he was very talented. Yeah, he was Weird yeah funny on stage too like lovable annoying personality. And he was very talented. He was weird. Yeah. Funny on stage too. Funny.

Funny guy talented. Yeah. And he had this radio show. What was it called again? A comical radio. And he was one of the dudes on the ship. I was like, they're intern. He was like an intern.

Yeah. I remember showing up there and you were there. That girl was there. What's that girl's name? I forget her name, but yeah, she was there and you were there. Yeah. That girl was there. What's that girl's name? I forget her name, but yeah. She was there and Danny was the boss. It was the boss. Danny was the motherfucker.

He was, yeah. Chris Iacona, remember Chris Iacona. Yes. There he is right there. Yeah. I mean, this, so Colin, what Danny walks into the, Danny walks into this other one and Colin looks at me and goes, wow, you look like a Turkish border guard.

He does. He does. He looks great. Or he also looks like miss his brother. That's true. Yeah. This kid is border. He was doing.

Go to another page, Michael. Go scroll through it. He was going through. He started comedy podcast. I would say you did. He did. He did. He had a huge. He started it podcast. I would say you did. He did. He had a huge, he started it. I mean, this guy, look at that. He had Mark Marinon before Marin had a fucking show. Marin would interview the comics. So he would interview comics

every comic that came the comics comedy club. Right. It was part of their radio. So he had somehow convinced them to go to add his radio show to their, like, you know, comedy run or whatever, promotional run. And so a lot of them would come by. And I think I think Marin eventually came on to interview them with him. And so Marin would just be on and they would both be interviewing whoever was headlining that week. And I guess Marin went and did it on his own and he, you know, did an amazing job with it. But this started this comics talking to each other and, and us just having a microphone and spitting into it. Yeah. I mean, outside of the tough crowd and that kind of stuff, but the iteration of this podcast, like specifically this, I think that's number one.

That's him. That's the first vampire. That is the first one right there. That little I remember you coming and doing it. I remember interviewing you afterwards. Yeah. God, this is so crazy. It comes back to me. Um, remember afterwards we would do a little post interview. Yep. And I remember I remember I forget they would always tell me to kind of like mess with the with the guys a little bit. Yeah. And I forget what happened. I was like, um, I was like, I was like, oh, I see you got like some scars in your eyebrows. I was like, you used to, uh, you know, you used to fight or something like that. And then you kind of looked at me and you were like, yeah.

I was like, that's repressive. Oh, shit. Oh my god. Are you kidding me? As we're here, comical rating. Look at this. Puerto Rican stuff. Stop, stop, stop, stop, please.

That's that, that, that listen. Puerto Rican. You're a Puerto Rican stop. Freeze stop freeze stop freeze. That's that now listen Puerto Rican Puerto Rican you're not Irish. I'm gonna say that guy right now. Yeah. What a fucked every girl. I would have fucked Becky. I would have made love Becky would have found love with me Gabby.

I want to she would have had some. Gabby would ate my butt. Liz. Liz would have been just blow me in closets all over the country. I would have been just blow me in closet all over the What was what was the special Mike would have just the tip man was this just the tip or this is Play the chain

I'm sorry. This is so classic. So guys, we're here, comical radio, comedian, Bobby Kelly. How are you, man? Call me Robert Kelly. Excuse me. I apologize.

Robert Kelly. Just Robert Kelly. So Robert, how are you doing, my friend? What are you bringing to the show today? Backpack with chicken, French, vegetables. Freeze. Did you hear what I was saying?

Yes. This motherfucker was on point. I had abs. That's what I had to feed your abs. You had the com gotters? I had the com gotters, baby. They're all com gotters.

I'm throwing. Oh at that chain, man. Look at that shit. Go. Autumn Allen, the starbucks and D-Calf coffee. Tasty, Y-D-Calf. Because I don't want to be up on my D-1. I'm getting old. How old are you?

I'm 37. You gonna talk about that today? Oh, fuck it now. No, no, no. They have the fucking lady who started the daily show in there. And now Bobby Kelly is following her What I tell you about that your head line Be honest being honest

That's great being honest. It's cool. It's great. I think I was going to. You were sweating. I'll tell you what you're like. You're going to kill me. Like, you were shaking. I didn't believe that.

It is like, it sort of does look like a mug shot. Did how long you used to take to upload like video? There's only five minutes. It was probably fucking 12 hours. I was just staring at a YouTube screen. Yeah. Hey, go out there and videotape that asso. Fuck me.

Hey, hey, Bobby, Robert, all right, sorry. All right, good. Let me see, where's that shirt? Robert, did you use the fight one year younger? No. Sorry. A little. A little. A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- Look at my nose, it's like twisted.

Look at that goat tea that's before I had to dye it. Oh god, let me see this shit, man. Let me wait, my friend. Yes. I mean, it happened that last way. Yeah, this is very important. I saw your last special. It's very funny.

That's what I'm trying to do. It's not worth it. It's not going to happen. Yeah, I lost some college, but you know, I snapped my knee around fucking two years ago. Where on this? This you can, I'm on the radio. Okay, good, I'm not gonna pull a phone.

That's a fucking large t-shirt. Three weeks, suck it. Yeah, I had a 20 ACL for two years. So now my legs back, look, ah, fuck. Oh, fuck. That's funny, that's, oh, there is that thing. But I just snapped it again right here with you doing shitty interview. Thank you, thank you. back look uh fuck uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh are we gonna get Danny to uh... half in size half in size you have to uh... uh... the bobby kelly died uh... jesus christ

well first of all we have to send the feather be to fill the hole the emotional holy strength of fill with fucking cupcakes and teriyaki chicken and actually uh... that's funny. Holy shit. I was stupid.

So that is fucking dumb. Dude, now look at this. This is you. All right. Now check this out. That's why I love this. I love life. This is why I love life.

Because you cut to years later, Danny ain't shit. You're doing my podcast and you you're fucking killing it. That man unbelievable. I love the business. Um, Danny's doing great in LA, isn't he? I don't know how to talk to him every once in a while. What's the last thing that I think he was doing a podcast called like modern day for last first, I think he's still doing it. And forget exactly what he was doing a podcast called like modern day philosophers. I think he's still doing it and forget exactly what he was doing. But um, yeah, he was one of those guys who was like, he was a real comic man.

He was a fucking, but he was like a comic inside. Like he wasn't faking it. Like he got in his own way because he was such a comic. Yeah. Does that make sense? Like he was so drawn to like, he went up at people. I don't know if you got this video. He went up at the NBC diversity, diversity, but he went up as a South African like. Yeah. He was out fucking bro. He just says, yeah, and he got, he got kicked off.

You got, I mean, yeah, I mean, what, it's fearless. Dude, he's, he's been that way from day one, this guy. He's one of those guys who like, he had all the ideas, he had all the funny, he just didn't have the business savvy and he was so addicted to other funny people. Like even non-comics, everybody in his life were these characters. Like he was curating his own little sitcom, right? He lived with, well they had you.

You were involved. I was funny back then. You know what? But I got involved because I was doing the Boston, right? And I was like running the door at the Boston, like barking. So I think they were like, hey, why don't we get this kid in and we'll get some, you know, stage time or some shit like that. Oh, really?

Actually, I don't know exactly. No, no, no, they were running it. They asked me to bark for them or something. I forget it. Did you like working with him? I was just so excited to be doing anything in comedy. Like, I thought it was so cool. Yeah.

They were like, they were making shit. To be honest, it probably is the reason on some levels, why I just do what I'm doing now. Like, they didn't wait. They just made their series. They made like, I got to do something. I got to like do like a sketch that Patrice was in. And you know, I was, I was, I think Patrice is the goat. So it was so cool to just be involved with these people early on and be around people who just did it. And then I guess I kind of later on figured out the business side of that as well. Like you can do it. And then I guess I kind of later on figured out the business side of that as well. Like you also also the business technology and social media. I mean, you're literally talking to things that went like this at the same time. If YouTube would what it is now, then I think LeBel would be a monster, a fucking monster. A millionaire. Yeah. He was just

early. So I'm too early, man. Fuckin' too early. Dude, nobody talks about that. Being too early is just as bad as being too late. Like, there's worse that. Yeah, it's like. Head of your time. Exactly, head of your time. Like, I always say, like, you ever said,

dog town Z-boys documentary. It's like the skateboarders that would skate the pools. Yeah, I saw that. It's like, you don't want to be them. You want to be Tony Hawk. Yeah. But without them, there's no Tony Hawk. Without there's no Tony, right? So it's like, even with everything happening in the business right now, it's, you don't want to be them. You want to be Tony Hawk. Yeah. But without them, there's no Tony Hawk. Without there's no Tony, right?

So it's like, even with everything happening in the business right now, it's, you know, my, my constant way of thinking is like, okay, I got to, okay, we can, I can do this dog town Z-Boys thing, right? But I have to introduce it in a way where like, it becomes mainstream and accepted as not exactly exactly. And it's like where, and also where everybody else who's doing is well. So there there shouldn't be one Tony Hawk like the way this works is if there's a lot of less than Tony's. Yeah. Right. If there's only one Tony, it's bad for business. Yeah. If there's a lot

of whoever the fifth best skateboarder was. Yeah. Then it's great for comedy. Yeah. So it's like how do I explain this and show in a way where there's a lot of those type of skin? And this guy was fucking dog town boys. Dude, he was as dog town, I think there's one dog town guy who was like a crackhead and he like got all these crazy zipper tattoos and like he ended up dying of a meth overdose or something.

That was how like raw Danny what? Find that clip. What is it called again? Diversity. And we stand up for diversity. Danny LeBelle, stand up for diversity. Danny what find that clip? What is it called again? Diversity Danny LeBal stand up for diversity type that in. I don't know. I could see Danny have a resurgence like later on in his career like when people find when the people start looking for the beginning of all this. Yeah, and they see what character this fucking guy was Video go to video, go to video.

Go to fit. I mean, I don't know why I have to tell you this shit. Yeah, they're Tim right? It's not it. It's not it right there. Wait, Daniel, the bell stand up comedy. No, what's the second one? Do they film those stand up for? It was up there.

Wasn't it up there? Stand up for diversity. Daniel, the bell pretends to be South African. Yeah, Daniel Bell South African. Yeah, South African. Just do that. Thank you. Thank you, Michael. Michael, thank you. That's it right there, right? It's a 10 talk. What? So he did a 10 talk. 10x. Maybe he took it down because he started to do different shit. Probably. Is there anything up there now? What is what is Daniel Bell?

A model? No. No, scroll down, scroll down. Damn. I looked it up. He just he pretended to be a guy named Wendell, but there is no clip. There is just like links of him talking. Yeah, I don't know if they actually ever filmed those shows. Yeah. They know there was film. They filmed it. He filmed it. And he put it out. So then

he probably yeah. Yeah. He was acting like that down. He was up there fucking being racist. As a somebody who was a self-taxed character. He was a character. And then And they were like, what the fuck is this? It's a real comic man. He is man. Real comic man. Yeah. The side member I brought him up during a hurricane. He wanted to open for me out at a college up in the Sunni Delhi.

And he met me up there with his girlfriend who later I guess became his wife. Right. Right. And they just came up and we're saying that this little shit motel. Yeah, yeah. And I remember they would hitchhike from the store to the hotel and I was like, what is this 1978?

But that's, I'm in the room next to you. Just ask me for a ride, your savage. You're a fucking you and your chicken. Just, he'd be like, no, it's cool, man. We just hitchhike. It's like that type of shit. Yeah, like, all right. Like if I did that, I'd be raped and, we just hitchhike. It's like that type of shit. Yeah, like, all right. Like if I did that, I'd be raped and fucked that.

I'll just be dead. Right, man. And fucked that. I just, I'm literally, go away. On your ass. But then you're like, I'm gonna mud as well. I'm gonna mud as well. We're already here.

I can't even tell these jeepers wet pants. Yeah, it was, but he does it, and he'll go to fucking, he'll go across the country in like four days. I just met this guy, it was, but he does it. And he'll go to fucking, he'll go across the country in like four days. I just met this guy. It's great. He's going to do my show and he's like, good friends with the guy. He had that charisma. He had, there was just something about that kid.

Still is, man. I hope that I'm going to check in on Danny. I got to check in on seeing what he's up to. All right. I want to see, I want to see if he's proud of, I mean, look, I've been in the game for a long time, doing it, but you're just popping off now. You got your, your special that you released that killed it. And now you got this one.

You have a tour coming out. Yeah, the tour is pretty sick. What's the tour called? Uh, uh, the, the Matador tour. Why, why the Matador? Um, cause uh, the comedy's a bullfight. I look at comedy like a bullfight. A lot of people say it's like boxing,

but I don't think when you see like elite boxers fight each other, it looks bad. It's like ugly. They're either both struggling or nobody's engaging. It's just actually a lot of times not entertaining. And so I see comedy is a bullfight. It's like the bull is the premise and the scarier the premise or like the more dangerous

the premise or taboo to premise. It is like the greater the bullfighter looks when he dances with it elegantly. You know, so like I've never wanted to stab somebody. No, it's a very good. I'm going to shut up. You want to be the man in the car. I'll toss you out the window. Listen to me.

I'll toss you out of the window'll toss you out of window, but you understand it Now Lizzy, I do it. It's like it's just neat. So it's all on to go out there And just do it No, I'll give you here's LA podcast ready. Yeah, I mean again So you're the bull no, that's great. No, no, no, the bull is the premise of the bull and the bigger the premise, the bigger the bull. So if you go to a bullfight, right? And they put it, this is where I'll resonate with you. Yeah, let it resonate. You ever see like a comment go on and they take a really easy premise and roll your fucking eyes. Yeah. Right? Every time fucking Keith steps on stage. I'm black. I got a thing. I got a video of him falling.

We need a compilation. There's a video that Amy Schumer has. Everyone. She's this one. She's cute. Everyone's in wow when we do a group text and we're going to dinner.

Something she'll just send it at the end. Right. Text, text, text, and then there'll be like a 20 minute pause and then they'll be just a video of fucking dummy phone.

What is that? That's what it is. So why, please will you show it to me? Surveillance camera footage, too, even better. Oh, go ahead. I'm sorry. But a touro. Oh, yeah.

So like what happens at the bullfight? Yes. I didn't notice, but like if they put out a bull that looks like small and weak, the audience boos. Oh, really? Right? Because the audience at a bullfight, they want blood, right? They don't, but they don't want it to be that much of a disadvantaged. They don't want the easy premise.

They don't want the easy joke. They want to be challenged, right? They want the bullfighter at least to be challenged. So I was like, yeah, this is comedy. Like this is, you know, especially now when everybody's so sensitive, I really think deep down people, they want to be challenged. And they want to, you know, hear something that they haven't heard before. It is fun.

It is true because even in my act, doing that half clean, half dirty thing I've been doing for so long, as soon as I go to something dirty, or fucked up, where it's like everybody's on board. Yeah. Like, there's no take me there. Oh, take me there. That's why I'm here. Girl fuck yeah. Just you motherfucker. Yeah. Did you just say that? Fuck you. Let's go. You know why it's you know why it's it's a you know why all the ages resonate with it is because you're not doing it up here. Like you're talking about shit that's in your gut. It's reptilian, right?

It's like, and that's the thing that like, there's a lot of comedy that's like up here comedy, you know, where it's just like, I'm going to do a math problem. And at the end of the day, humans don't want math. They want a feeling. Well, comedy's always been that person. Yes. Those used to say when you're voice, right?

When you get your voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what they meant was when you're finally just being yourself, you're self-on-staged. When you stop pretending to be yourself. And what happened is I think with so many comics, so many outlets, people learned how to write a joke. Yes. And that's because it's a math problem.

It's a puzzle. Yeah, but it's also, if you go on TV, they rather have that. Sure. Say, rather have, well, it's actually, it plays better on nighttime TV. The math problem plays better. It doesn't, but it does. No, it does. I think it does.

Let me explain why. Okay. Because you don't have the, you can't see the audience. Right. When you do a tonight show or a late night show, they're way the fuck back. Yeah. You're not, you're not connecting with these people. You're not there, okay? So, that, that, that, that, that tempo is way better

because you don't have the connection with the crowd that standups are supposed to have. When you stand out on stage at a club, the seller, you're right there. I'm gonna walk out and see a dumb face, and do what's up with you with you? And now I can be me. And I'm gonna go over on that. I'm gonna go with that wherever the fuck it goes. You can't do that on the late night. It actually will be weird. Like if you see a towel on late night, it's not as good as a towel live. A towel live is fucking electric. When you see like Patrice was great on TV, but way better live,

right? Because he didn't translate because he never, he never wrote a joke. He just talked spoke funny. He philosophized on stage. And you can't really fill out, you need, you need a little more room, you know, you need a little more room to do that. When you have four minutes, the reason why those being being being being work. And that's what I think, but they don't work. They work for that amount of time. It's a snack, not a meal.

For an hour, it won't work. When you're headlining, it's gonna be a tough sell, unless you're the best at it. It won't work. This is what we'll do. It'll distract you on your bus ride. It's great for Instagram, it's great for Twitter. Exactly what exactly you do.

But it was what we're all about now. No. It won't turn you into a fan. Like when you see someone that does a bit that like when I saw Patrice, it made me go, I want to know how he feels about everything. Yes. Not just this cute little bit. But that little bit will force you to be like, oh shit. And then you're like, I'm gonna see more. I want to see more. I want to see a little bit. So when you go to that person, it's the same fucking thing. Yeah, you know, you go. It's the same fucking thing. The comics are, I think what comics are forgetting to learn. Like I tried to explain this. I've said this a million times when we sat out in front of the cell of the Boston, Patrice, Burr, me, Norton, Voss, Keith, Brewer, I mean, all of them.

Everybody was funny, different on stage. We were, whoever we were off stage, we brought that on stage. You never saw the same type of comedy at the Boston Comedy Club or at the seller. You just never saw the same act. I think now you can go to a lot of places and see the same type of comedy. Yeah. Because there's a formula to comedy. It just like there's a formula to sitcoms.

There's a formula to sketch, right? That's what we do as human beings. We turn shit into formulas, so it's easier for us to replicate it, right? Yes. That's why you can't replicate burr. You can't replicate petries. You can't replicate you, right?'s why you can't replicate burr. You can't replicate Patrice. You can't replicate you, right? I hope you can't replicate me because I'm speaking to you from a feeling. That's why there's certain bits of ours that when we go up

We're not into the bit it bombs. Yeah, and when we are it kills because it's not about the math. Yes It's about how I feel Fucking preach let's go Watch out. So that's that's what I'm trying to say. It's like fucking come on Come on That's fucking Oh All right All right That's not that's not a bullfight

Bullfighters have great asses. That's why you have a fucking 90 year old woman. This will happen to me as well. You have 90 year women in a show that are laughing at a joke about fucking anal or something like that. Because it's not some calculated puzzle. It is how you truly feel. And we always laugh about feeling. Yes.

And that's where you'll see a crowd divide. That's right. It's not as funnier than me when I go and I look at an old couple and I go pop you remember if I can finger pop on her. Remember sticking your fingers in there And he's he just goes shit because he remembers and she fucking cracks up Because she remembers it's this rule when he used to finger pop her the fucking old Chevy It's a different level of feeling. It's a different level. It's like there's no set up punch tag. I just asked you a question human to human. Like we were drinking beers in your backyard. And you'd be like, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah,

I think we reward you with the clever thing after like, yeah, like for me, it always has to start visceral. Yes. And then I reward you with the clever thing after, and that can get, you know, claps or whatever that is. But like, it has to fucking feel like it's real. And that's the reason why my clips will go. And they'll go in other countries, right? They'll go in places that don't have the same politics. They'll go in places that don't have the same culture.

But there's a fucking visceral feeling. It's like, it's the reason why you guys found each other. Like you comics, that group found each other, right? Right. Everybody in the group is operating from gut. Yeah. It's not, you didn't choose each other. But we would, we would actually, you'd be in trouble.

If you weren't, if you would on stage with horseshit. Ugh, I mean, hey, ready? Yeah, we would. What is, ugh, ugh, is you're not being yourself. We would actually, we would, I remember, there was a lot of shit we come up, say, I was like, what the fuck was that? You stink. You don't mean you fucking stink.

But it wasn't your bad. It's you're not being you. I know you. Yeah. Why aren't you being you? Yes. And push people get so much better when they just become honest. Just be fucking honest and bomb. It's like just.

I mean, they're not in bomb, dude. There is a, there is a thing to, uh, there are writers out there. Like, is this, uh, I think Gary is one of those guys. Um, I think that, uh, I think that, uh, like Stephen Wright is one of those guys that they write jokes and say jokes, right? Gary's, Gary's different, though, because Gary actually, Gary writes with feeling with passion, with hatred. And he's so invested in the bit now. He's also like a scientist with it, but he's like, true. You know how like Frankenstein loved, you know,

the Frankenstein doctor loved the monster. Yeah. That's Gary. Gary's the Frankenstein doctor. He's gave him his tour name. You're good at tour making the name. It's the goldenstein. God makes it more Jewish. But like, but it's in it, right? Like you could feel his disdain or you could feel his condescension in the bits. Right. And I think that's why I resonate. And the people where you can't feel it, they literally cannot ascend. Well, here's a, they cannot, you can always tell in a comics bombing if they just, you know, look, if I bomb, I'm gonna fight, I'm gonna find a way. I'm gonna be like, ah, you fight.

I'm gonna, something's going down. This isn't, I'm not just delivering these jokes. You don't get it. I'm not, I'm not just going, all right, try this next one. But there's comics that when they bomb, they, they, they, they haven't found the way, they're not themselves. Right. So they can't, there's no way out of the joke.

They have to keep going. Fucking hold on and boom. And just smashing in the ground with that joke, the day you can just let go of that wheel. And just fucking yap. And go, all right, well, you know, this ain't fucking, and then something will happen. But I think that comedy, don't you think that it's become

because there's so much of it, and there's so much need for comics, and there's so much need for that four minutes or a couple minutes or whatever. We don't need you to be funny. Back in the day, I need you to fucking be an assassin for an hour to get an HBO special. Now you can fake cancer.

Now you just fake cancer to this kid not. He was a fake. The whole thing was fake thing on it. It takes out. Listen, but it doesn't matter what I'm saying is that you know, I know I watch it. Nobody wants it because it does because it wasn't. It wasn't real.

It wasn't because there's no give me. There's no way there's no gimmick for funny man. Funny exposure. Now we don't need we don't they don't. Hey man wasn't there's no give it. There's no way there's no gimmick for funny man funny Expositions, but now we don't need we don't they don't hey man. We just need to do 15 minutes. You don't need any of it You give us five. We just need to be five or ten minutes everybody making real money off a comedy right now It's doing it off of a single yeah, they're doing it off of one joke. Yeah, Berk-Ry sure is making millions of dollars off of Machine joke right but it's not just him Sebastian is making millions of dollars off of the machine joke machine. But it's not just him Sebastian is making millions of dollars off of one joke. I'm gonna drink syrup while we do this. Right. No, no, no, no, this is something you got to be

excited about. This is what you got to be excited about. Right? Because five hours. I've been through fucking 900 jokes. Yeah, but not one stuck. No, but think about it. Fucking piss the pants monster didn't stay. That was a fucking great joke. So think about I mean like we can get into the nuance and like what people what people You know really resonate what retinates with people. Yeah, no, I know and like Sebastian's is like It's also being exposed to Sebastian's different right be his Sebastian a lot of times what happens is like a guy who's elite hits and then he's ready for it Like I happen with Ali Wong like I love Ali and then she hit on the Netflix and then, but she had everything else in line. She had

the stand up really good. Like really, she was fucking funny. Like I love Ali. And then she was also a woman and there was a underserved market for women, Asian underserved marfus all these things. And perfect. It was the perfect storm, right? So Bashin had this hilarious joke about, and he's had a couple go viral. We hear that hilarious joke about the food, about how a Jews stop, you don't have to make food after breakfast. It goes downhill, just let the Italians take over. And it just fucking murdered within the Jewish community. Right.

And within the Italian community. And Sebastian's got this thing where, and Jerry's got this thing too, where generations see Sebastian. Sebastian doesn't sell two tickets. He sells 10. Yeah. So your grandparents go, your mom and dad go, your cousin's clean. He's clean, but he's also tapped into their culture. But he has a seat, but he has a peep, he has a peep.

He has a peep. I said this, I said this on an 18 years ago. Yeah. I said, you need a peep, you need a peep, and to, or you curate your people, but I also have a peep, I curated mine. But you have a peep. No, you have a people and or you curate your people. But I also have a people I curated mine. But you have a people, you have a people you have a you did a shill remain the fucking podcast with him. He put you.

I'm a grandfather into my people, but you said this a long time ago on the radio. You need to put me over. You're more famous than me. You more. Absolutely. You put me you put me over with your people. I'm famous. Now I can put Mike and Gabby over

and they can put these two over. Yeah, that's how shit's supposed to work. I guess what I'm saying is you got put over by a people of course. Yeah. And those and that's a lot of motherfuckers now. 100%. So through that now you go and meet these motherfuckers. Now you can put now you just did Rogan. You just got put over to his people. So these people, this stuff, what I'm saying is I'm not a, I'm not a group of people, meaning like I'm not tapping into cultural values that already exist. I think you're making a people out of all these people. Exactly. So let's go. I make a, but it isn't underserved sort of community. The people that, like your people are those people that ones that are like, oh, like, this is shit I shouldn't be saying thinking. Right.

I recognize the space in the market. And it's just like, it's almost like the industry shifted for me. It's like, there's a stage where I was just kind of like, like, I went from being like mean or douchey on stage to being brave. And that's only because the culture shifted. The culture got really politically correct. Yeah, you did. And I did it.

Can I say something like you did change? Sure. I got better. You're say something though? You did change. I got better. Your comedy because I remember years ago, not even too long ago, not 10 years ago, maybe five years ago. Your comedy, what you like me back, I was fucking a stool and you were talking about pussy and blah, blah, blah.

It was shocking. It was very like. And I actually wrote your note about this. Your comedy now, I fucking love. You have jokes that are like, I'll tell you how it's shot up and let me feel fucking what are you cheerleading? I hate you.

I don't like him. You're forgetting. I never get any positive. I'm about to do it. Sorry, go ahead. Go ahead. Am I out of my mind? You're not trying to get me off.

Right? I'm not saying anything. I'm out. Well, you're cute. Let's hate you. I hate everybody. I know she're cutting me off, right? I'm not saying anything. Wow, you cut. Let's hate you. I hate everybody. I know she doesn't deny it. She hates everybody. Listen, what I'm saying is,

fucking kids, did you? You're fucked and now. But now you're, and you're, now I just wanna do what you did. Now I'm just doing this in my head, just. But you've gotten, your standup's gotten better. And it's, it's, you know, when you do, I love the joke about, what was it? The trend, the training,

granny, granny, grandma, how's it? Transgender training, grandmother, grand, it was a great joke. That's a great fuck you joke. Thank you, man. To people to go, yeah, it's just a fucking abbreviation child of our ground. And you're saying it, knowing you're going to get shit, you're still going to get shit for that. Yeah. Yeah. I just was so confident. Like I had some trainees get upset. They're like, maybe you'd feel different. If you were walking home and someone called you a training and threw a bottle at your head. And I was like, I think I feel the same way if they called me transgender and throw a bottle in my head. Yeah.

I think that's the point of trying to make making the bottle is what I'd be upset about. Yeah. Well, thank you for your proper pronoun. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, for me, I agree. I think the standup definitely got better. And you know, like, I mean, you know how it is, it takes fucking a long time to get good at this and like fine. Like I had all these ideas back in the day, but I didn't have this tools to service them. There's even premises I got now where I'm like, I don't have the skill set yet. Like I have this fucking great idea, but it's just, it needs to sit in there for a little longer.

It's just, I'll find a way to get in there. The surgery doesn't exist. It's weird to me too, because even though I've been doing it for a long fucking time, like when I just broke my ribs, and then I just went on stage and I have this fucking killer bit now. Yeah, yeah, but I'm like, what the hell did I do? Like how did I do that?

To one day, in half a day. Yeah, it's crazy here, because it's in here. That isn't that the quickest shit that's written. But here's the thing is, this is why I love, this is my generation is that we had a couple of people that worked really hard, you know? But most of my friends, we don't, we're like if, if Voss rode every day

or if Patrice had a no pad ever, his life, and ever tried, I don't even understand. If Patrice tried as hard as Chris Rock tries to come up with a special, Patrice never did that, like I never, we never, we never did that with each other. We just went up and we're funny and evolve naturally in time.

You know what it was though? You guys played, if it's, if it's, if it's basketball, right? You guys played pickup all day. So by the time you got on the court for the real game, it's not like you weren't working. It was like, I dare somebody to say something to me in the audience. I just been making fun of Jim Norton for two hours. Like, it's over for you. So I feel like you were sharpening the tools, right?

And eventually, it's easier when you have something that you want to, when you have something you want to cultivate cultivate because it's just like for me, like I put just put out this, this special right? And I got it going tour and do another tour and I'm headlining now. And, and you know, people are asking me, it's like, how do you do have another 45 minutes yet? And I'm like, no, but like I'll be able to do that because it's not fake for me. It's in here because you're yapping now.

Yeah, I can fucking do it. Like I know what I'm doing. And if I have to talk to you audience and make moments out of that, we'll fucking make moments. But I'm not faking this. I put the fucking time in. I got ripped apart by all you guys when I first got in here. I got destroyed. And I needed it. I need to be reduced to nothing. Do need that. That's the thing that I feel like guys don't get none of it coming in here And it's like their weaker because of it. Well, they get it. We get it fucking Say like it's probably fucking househouse losers every day She walked in I guess he's gonna age like Jan Michael Vincent

I literally can't eat when Mike has his hat off. He is very cancer patient. It's the fucking one picture. Look just. No, no, there she is. That's me seven years. Seven years. That's her.

That's her. She moves to California after three years of being in the sun, I'm so important. No, but you're right. I think that, you know what's so funny is that I try to tell, like when you make fun of fun, or you say something to somebody, like in one of the new comics and you go, ah, you're fucking, that's not true.

It's like, I know, I know it's not true. I'm trying to fucking, I'm trying to tell you that you're it is true first of all But not in a huge way. It's not like totally, but it has some essence to dummy and if you just acknowledge that You'd be a better fucking comedian because instead of running on ego You'd be running on fucking funny funny and you're running on confidence Yeah, and you'd be exposed and when you're exposed on confidence. Yeah, and you'd be exposed. And when you're exposed on stage, they can't get you That's it because you got yourself Eminem eat my fuck. I said it all about it. Oh Come on fucking show

Bro, it's dude. There's this there's this there's this fucking it's just okay, so there's this thing that's going around now, right? Right? Yeah. And wait, is that still around? No, it's coming back. Somebody fucked another monkey with AIDS. So there's this like, there's this clip of mine from this, there's a check had a seizure at a show in Orlando. I saw that right. And it's like very boring. Whatever. So literally, she drool. We got it. Yeah, she's a paid actress. Right. It's so funny that people think and it's like, so for me, people are like, I'm gonna have, I'm gonna have, I'm gonna kick Gabby down the stairs in the afternoon. Yeah, after something. Yeah, Mike's got the camera ready. We have camera.

I'm sagged. So put your hat. I'm sagging. You guys need the viral moment. I'm gonna post words. I'm gonna kick the fact down the flat. I'm asking you a video, Jay, I have to help. So the crazy thing about it's like, so people are making a big deal of it, right? But I think like, I think a lot of comics that have done it for a while, you know, go like, yeah, this is what we would have done in that moment, right?

What did you do? I just kind of, like I went on stage and I played off of it. You know, I just roasted the EMTs and I roasted, you know, some lady in the front that was trying to say that. So you didn't stop the show. You just had. No, I started. I wasn't even on stage yet.

So like, it was, the feature was on. But like, it was one of those things, but don't read these articles. I don't, I don't want to get involved with that. It was really, man. No, no, don't give them any press. Don't give them any press. Don't give them the high press. But it's, yeah, they need you to do it. The leeches are coming and it's just, it's crazy to see how everything operates.

That's because they want you out. It's not even how they, and that will happen too. I'll get to a point where people will start trying to, trying to take me out. And it, that's just the nature of business. And hopefully I do enough for others. Yeah. That the community will try to, the comics will try to defend me. We'll see.

That's what makes me sick though, is that there's people. What do you, if you, I truly believe like, like, for example, they tried to get rogan out, they build up some clip where he said some fucked up shit, like, fucking 10 years ago. Like what? But I don't even want to give any, any, any, any, any, whatever. What the fuck? I can't make that. I can't form an okay. So I can't just see a great. Feesies are still right. I didn't wait to stop. Yeah. I want a form of opinion. You can't say they tried to get Rogan out.

And I'm just supposed to take Rogan's side. What if I believe them? He just it was some joke. He was saying about going to see a movie. He doesn't. I'm on his side. Okay. So exactly. It was all a joke. It was during a podcast. A joke. And but what happened is he's got so much. I think on his side. Exactly. It was all a joke. It was during a podcast with Joe. But what happened is he's got so much, I think, goodwill in the world right now that the world was like, you know, chill, we know what you're trying to do with this. You're trying to get a bet. And it's like, I hope when I get to a point, I've done enough to like help other comics

and I've done enough for comedy that when the targeted attack, because it is targeted, it's people going at you specifically. And I hope that the comics go, he's giving me a lot of value in my life. We can we're not going to let him get out of here. Not there yet. No, I'm not. But I hope by the time that it gets there. No, I'm not, but it will. No, it will happen. I think that people, I think us as a comedy community would get behind you and something. I hope so. I hope I'm good enough to help everyone. Absolutely. We would.

We sure Liz would, like she's kissing you and fucking asshole. This is the first time it's ever happened. This is good. I really, but the seizure thing was just an example. It's like, we've been sharpening the tools for fucking years. So when this happened, it wasn't, it, it, you go on autopilot, I think, right? It's like, how many weird things have happened at a show?

I just happen to have a videographer with me every show I go. Right how many were things have happened? You have to pay him? Yeah, I pay him yearly salary. You pay him a salary. Now, when did you decide to do that? Uh, when he got a, at a prison, he was in jail in Sweden. Oh, that dude. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. When I did the tour for the special, he got arrested the last day in Sweden. Why? Uh, because we got in a fight with a bouncer and bouncer's like cops over there. We didn't know. We thought a bouncer's are just bouncer. Oh, really?

Yeah. How was he in jail? A month. What was he in jail for before? A assaulting a police officer. It isn't like police. No, no, he was a police. He was a police in the States.

He was clop in the States. Yeah. What is he from Switzerland? No, no, he was on his board. He was my videographer. So he was just, where's he from? He's from Far Rock. He was like a court officer in the city. And so it's just to do his point. He's my videographer. So he was just from far rock. He was like a court officer in the

state. So it's just to do you hired Puerto Rican. Family. Kids. No, he's younger to me. He's a little bit younger. No, okay. So young box. Yeah, young buck. Young buck. Young buck. Hungry. Yeah, really want to go after. That's what I got right

there. That's mine. Dude, you need one. Look at him. Put your hat back on. I got to. I got a fucking hair sweaty Mexican. Dude, you need you need one in this. You your hat back on. I got a, I got a fucking hair. The hat sweaty Mexican. You need, you need one in this. You need a team now. You need a team. You need to find him as my video.

You're, you're, it be me going to hit the button. The button. He's useless. He's useless. What? I did. Sorry. But you need that, you need that.

And the Gabby would be like, I told him. But it's crazy to see this. I don't know. For me, it's just wild to see something like that, something like that happen, like to get like, I mean, just you put so much stuff out and you hope that that something hits in this. I wasn't even thinking. So the feature was on stage. This chick has a full on season. She walks off. And then I went, I checked on the girl that I went and I then I just started kind of like talking to her. Checked on the girl. Like you went went in and was like is she alive? Is she going to be okay? All right, she's going to be fine.

It's long. Yes. And then I just started going. Can I see a little bit of it? Yeah, watch it. It's fine. Put a little bit of that. Go to the go. I do a shorter version on. God, there's one on Instagram. Just go to the Instagram one. It's it's it's or Twitter. Go to the Twitter one. Just go to Twitter and then are you on? And you got hate because of this. Yeah, you'll see well because here's a deal anytime you do something So look at this right here. Oh, did you see how it asked you to view my content? Yeah, what is that about? So that's something that's having Twitter and Instagram a fucking throttling my content. Oh, they say it might be

Sensitive and they're not letting it go out to the fucking yeah, so my buddy the guy the sweeten guy yeah, he put this out on his thing. He is like no followers. He put this out on his Twitter. Now it's a 2.6 million views his his because they're fucking throttling my shit. Yeah, it's crazy Michael put that on my Twitter my Twitter rubber Kelly library. Just put it here. You could play it. Yeah. That looks like of me and Mike had a baby. Yeah. What a fuck? What an awful torso. I can't fathom. We're streaming live, but we can't play a Twitter video right now. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. So, I have any help here? I have any medical attention. Please, I have something to say. Somebody die, what happened?

Oh, shit. Okay, okay. Leave it. Where's Genshin Quicksell? It's Mark Cagnon. Yeah, I love this. Who's that? He's Sharp.

McGagnon. There you are. Will you fucking rugby shirt? Loser. Carl, what happened? Yeah, he's sharp. McGagnan. There you are. Will you fucking Rudby shirt loser? Carl, what happened? She had a seizure? So she was, did she hit there? Listen, listen.

Wait, lady, listen. The lady goes, that's not funny. I know, I know, I know, I know. I know. You know what also isn't funny? Anything you're gonna say for the rest of this story. That's right. That's right.

That's right. You don't gotta be here either though. That's okay. You're allowed to go to, that's fine. If you feel comfortable, well I'm gonna roast this bitch. We're almost died. I'm In your mind you're not thinking anybody's gonna die right so when you saw her laughing like really going You know this girl got a sense of

Everything funny man I always I was hurt. You're just gonna be miserable for the next hour, that's what you're gonna do. Hey, nobody's texting you, what's your look, it's your phone phone. It's going to be sexy right now. Who's texting in your heart? Oh shit. I'm afraid that you cry and you're just starting doing this. Oh, to girl.

Like, the one with the- Not the seizure one, the one that says- Why would we lose some special matter? Why would we lose some? This almost died and you made it about you. That's a nice fight. Two parents. We take three, yeah. So this is, there was a part, there's a part, more that the girl, we go back and forth

and she goes, she says, it's not funny and I was like, it's not funny to me because I'm a paramedic. And I'm like, well then why did she do something? It's paramedic. And I'm like, well, then why'd she do something? It's exactly what I said. I go, why'd you help that bitch? And the fucking place lost it. And in that moment, that's America right there in that moment, right? This is what it is.

It's, somebody is not willing to help. Yeah. But if you make a joke about anything, they're willing to tell you not to joke about it. In that three minute clip,. This a little longer on Victim or everybody they want to make victims the worst people of the people that want to make like someone who Real that girl probably was like I asked who I get it. I love Andrew. I had a seizure. I have grandma I didn't take my pills. I fucked up Drew. Sorry, and that lady's like how dare you you? You made, they wanna make people victims, and those people suck.

And I ask you one more question. Did you join Slytherin? Because I thought you were really good. I thought it was pretty good. I thought, well, whatever. I mean, you do whatever. I mean, the hat picked you, right? You do.

You do. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, it was just a wild thing. I think the YouTube videos like 10 minutes. So it's like longer. We got a paint for the epilepsy foundation. But you're checking out her at the beginning of the video. If you watch the 10 minute video, it's there's concern for her. And I'm making for the EMT is now the EMT community reached out.

Fucking inside addition, that's TV shows reaching out for they want to like, and I'm not take doing any of these fucking interviews. The because it's not about that. I'm not trying to like, I'm not trying to like use this as a platform. It's just a unique comedy moment. And I'm going to share it and then move on to the next unique comedy moment. Here's the thing. You took a moment where you can be one, you can be an actor, we're an actor, we'll go out and, and, and, and play the role of somebody who gave a fuck and then go back and, you know, be upset.

And we'll be up to, you know, hey, dude, you see that chick with shaking like the fucking little, I know, you know what I mean? the comics are the way we are backstage, the way we are in stage. Right. So you would just, you would take in a situation that you were going to make fun of anyways later that night. Let's do it here. Let's do all of us. Right. That's your job. That's your fucking, that's your job. That's the job, man. If you go up and you, what are you going to do? Go into your act, bro. And then what if that joke does work? Cause it really fucked up.

Press when I first joke. That first joke, it better slap. It better fucking have a segue. It better go from shaky bitch to fucking rollercoaster rise or something. Bro, it was, but it's, it's, here's the thing is that you go up in a moment like that and you have these funny lines and yes, you're being insensitive. Chaps 100% 100% is you're being insensitive to somebody who just was embarrassed at a company, but first of all, okay, we don't know. Did you ever get in touch with her again?

She died. She known. again. She died. She known. That's the greatest thing ever. She's dead. Everyone's faces like Mike Mike. On on on do that. Now did you find? They walked her out, the EMT's walked her out. Yeah, but she's okay. So did you have a find out what happened to her though? She's a seizure. But what kind? A big one.

Yeah, and for what? I don't know. Epilepsy. Was it diabetic? Was it epilepsy or something? I don't know. So she just, she just, it's interesting to find out the back story. Like look, this happens to be all the time.

Take her on tour with her. You know what I mean? You should do a video. What's the top? Where was that? What was in Orlando? It's great. Or Lano Improv. Yeah. Or Lano Improv is pretty good. But it's in that fucking weird like wall. Yeah, that outdoor malls where there was nothing there.

Yeah, forever. Yeah. Everything in Orlando. And then all of a sudden, they just built these streets that like, you know, Thomas Av, but it's only been there for five years. It's like in whatever. But yeah, no, beautiful improv out there.

But I wonder if you could go back and see what's up with her. Yeah, I got to reach out to her and talk to her. Let her watch the video. I bet she fucking find it a layer. Well, that's the things, like all these people with epilepsy, all the people who have epilepsy themselves are reaching out going, this is so funny. And they're saying this, they're saying this, they're like, honestly, it's so embarrassing when that happens.

The fact that you were taking the attention off of the person, like, I would have really appreciated that. And now that was not my goal. I'm not putting the fucking cape on going. That's what I did. But they were pushing it. But it is what you did because you did that as a you have to go on stage now the other guys You like are we'll be back. We're gonna take a little break right right and it's like he doesn't know what the fuck to do

You would have been like giving a mic. Let's go listen Listen to me listen and then you called out that lady That's why ladies Well, same your life fucking when the fuck did what the EMTs the EMTs are the ones they wear really turned because they were they came in Where and these like tight ass look like fucking chip and nails. They really, they're like tight ass shirts and these gloves. I just started laying into the fucking EMTs and they, I think at a sense of humor about it, because they weren't really going, this is a serious moment.

They didn't even have a gurney. They walked her out and I was like, guys, what's going on? They like, this can't be how you, this is done, you know, hand shaking this girl out. It's quite a tabletop. This can't be how you this is done, you know, it's hand shaking this girl out on a table top See that's fucking com. That's what we do to my if you have it right these moments don't scare you Right, and that's what you're supposed to because here everybody in that room 99.9% of the people in that room Would it this is what would have happened if you didn't go up and do that. They would be like, oh, fuck. The whole show. Everybody would be like, wow, we're supposed to be uncomfortable.

Let me tell you something. One of the funniest things ever in my life is when my wife hired a doula. She came to the house for one, two-hour session and she was probably one of the hottest black women I've ever met in my life. And when she laid all our stuff on the table and I was just sitting there looking at him, my wife there, she's there and she went, okay, we're gonna, and my wife went,

ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! floor. Oh, it's just it's actually the I went high bitch started. Oh, no. Yeah, then and then the next two hours went by, I did. I mean, yeah, that's hysterical.

Yeah, I did. Yes, real just fucking be real, man. I don't know. Well, I think that, uh, look, man, you're doing great. You kick it ass and you're, and you're ready for it, which is great too. I did. I think that's important. I think people underestimate the importance of being ready.

Like we would always hear that coming up, you know, like you don't want to get it too fast. And then you're coming up and you're like, well, it was really good to find, you know, it's like and everything that I ever got afterwards, I was like, man, if I waited one more year, I would have fucking smashed that. Yeah. Well, think about the, look at the people who got stuff quick and skyrocketed. Yeah, where are they? Yeah. Where are they? Yeah, right. Yeah, they didn't have the fucking tools.

They might have some money leftover. They might have an apartment. They might have did well with whatever. But there's nowhere to go. It's like giving a 10 out of a 10. You can't, you gotta give a 9-1. Even if it's a 10, because you need to have the 10 maybe exist. Yeah.

You need that, you need that extra, you need to be able to do it, man. You go fucking to the top and you ain't got the goods you've done. Yeah, you're fucking it. Colin Quinn said it the best he goes, if you're a great comic, you should always feel guilty when you walk off stage. No matter what, the day you don't feel guilty when you walk off stage. No matter what, the day you don't feel guilty is when you're done. Because we all say, you should always be trying to be better than you were. And you should always be, you know what I mean? And you should

always have, when you come off that one time, you're like, I did it. That's the fucking set. You know, you're a fucking, you're the shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, but until then, yeah, which is 20 something years, yeah, if more, you know, what'd you say? Who who's that person that you think made it too early too fast? I think there's a lot of people. Yeah, I mean, dad fan, he was one of them. I mean, Jesus Christ, he made it. He was so popular, fast so much money and I remember him on tough crowd with Patrice and Rich and they It was like I don't know if you've ever seen I Think like When when lions have like a little tiny cat or something they just Flapping around and play with you ever see all orkers you ever see an orcar

They just flap them around and play with you ever see or orkers you ever see an or car. Yeah, they put the seal. They throw the seal around and then they can kill it in any moment. They just keep flipping it on a nice burger. And then I'll fire with them and go and knock it off the ice brunque. That watching dad fan on tough crowd with Patrice and Rich Voss is one of the most uncomfortable, funniest moments ever filmed. And that's why I think tough crowd got taken off because it's like, he can't be phony. So you need him to make money, they picked him.

You got him. He's the number one comic in the world voted by the people who have no fucking clue. What comedy? Have no fucking clue. And then he's, you know, and then I remember them calling me up, hey, can you go up on the debt, Vancho? I go, how much? We're gonna give you 1, 1500, but you have to do like 45 at the end.

So you want me to headline, he's gonna do 30 in the middle, make all the money. I was like, go fuck yourself. Let him headline. Let him go up. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but he just didn't have it. Yeah, it's, this is a weird thing. We're like the people that make shows show their incompetence. Like I would never put, I would never put that guy with Patrice and Rich, just because I know what would make the show, I know what makes the show good. And it's the authenticity of Patrice and Rich. And then you put somebody out there who's inauthentic. That made, but that's what made that show good. Yeah. Watching that's why the tough crowd was good. Oh, that's why it is killing because as a comic, as a person who, as, and when you see two really funny motherfuckers, play the clip, play the clip, find the clip.

Don't you, we don't want to look at photos, but trying to install for him to get a clip for an hour. And he brings up a photo. You want to move a war around? He's like, OK, we're just going to move it over to Iraq now. I mean, that doesn't do anything. I mean, it's like a Vietnam. It's like, what are they going to go?

OK, the war's getting too crazy here. We're going to move it over to Cambodia. Yeah. That worked out well. What would your mother say about this? LAUGHTER Sentin' asshole. Bro, visualize.

Let me tell you something. You can't fool this for me. Bro, bitch, boss. Let me tell you something. I don't, you can't. The balls. Good for you. Listen to me, man. You got to be, because you're sitting with real, come, this isn't fake. That show was not fake. Yeah.

First of all, Collins line was great. He has a comic you would not look at how that worked out from. Funny line up for your stupid impression that you do that won you a million fucking dolls in a dump show and boss immediately Found a kink in your arm found a weakness skin you Bebe like a terminator and went okay, hey, what would your mother say play this look at the trees He's loving it. I have Korean life as a zombie. That's really amazing. No, it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. Shut up, shut up, stop.

Patrice's laugh was worse than what he would say sometimes. Just hear what I said then. You put what the fuck? Oh, and now he knows he's in hot water, watch him, watch him. Patrice? No, that's an adjustment. Patrice is in hot water. he's in hot water. Watch him watch him. Look at trees. No, uh, that I was just in the truces. He's in fucking dirt. That's the hottest. What do you call dirt? God, we're doing Paul Pots.

Yeah. Right. I'm a comment. What do you say Paul Pots stated playing? Paul Pots was your mother and last from left comment standing. Oh, God. As comment. Well, he's doing the rest of this Lafcoma standing. Oh God. As common standards, well he'd do the rest of this playing.

You're doing Paul Potts, yeah, even more, right? Paul Potts has your mom from Lafcoma standing. He'd do the rest of the show hiding behind the tree. You know, that's racist in a tunnel. Queen.

Look at his face. Look at his face. Look at his feeding on him. They're really feeding on him. Listen, look at his face. Look at feeding on him. Look at his face. Look at these orcas with that baby seal. Yeah, he's dead. Look at him feasting on him, man. Look, because he has no he has no. He has no. He has no guns to fight back. That's it. That's it. Because he shot his load to his voice. Oh, mama, that was his thing. And that failed. Play the rest.

Now, Dad Finn, what's going on here? Is that deep breath? Was it Asians or other people? I don't know. I did. That's the deal. Wait, wait. Pain them.

What do you say? Play it again? Yeah, yeah. Pain them. Pain. No, I did. That's the deal. The people that pain them.

Go back, go back. Who is complaining about it? Quaid. Now, Dad Finn back who is complaining about it now God fan. Well, who is complaining about this was an agent to other people I don't know I did the people that pain them Here's a deal I spent an hour and a half out the word signing autographs and 90% Asian students were in line. So, if an accent isn't commonly about hiking, or whatever they call accents,

or a difference is to, you know? Yeah, I mean, it's the culture they're growing. My family has accents. You know, I mean, if black comics makes one of their own culture, or race, they don't have all culture, but they're going over there. Okay. Not a new show.

You see rich vass, you do some Jewish jokes, right? I do maybe one. I usually talk about my life. You know, I talk about my being a nice mother a lot. No. Well, you know, if evasions do it, then all of a sudden it's like, oh, okay, this guy he's crazy. You know, like, I mean, this is what we do.

You know what I mean? We're basically on the air. I mean, like, I mean, this is what we do. You know what I mean? We're basically it on the air. I mean, the stereotypes are part of the, go ahead, so I'm just saying, I read that article that complain about him. The thing that pissed me off today, we're furtied to him in the article as a comic. I'm so happy.

You know, I'm so happy. You know, I'm so happy. You know, I'm so happy. You know, I'm so happy. You know, I'm so happy. You know, I'm so happy. You know, I'm so happy. You know, I'm so happy.

You know, I'm so happy. You know, I'm so happy. You know, I'm so happy. You know, I'm so happy. You know, I'm so happy. You know. You can't sing. You can't listen. That's why that show is not on. All right. I'm great. Because you can't, that's why that show is the fucking best. There's a clip in it where that fan does the voice again.

No. And Patrice just, he's like, are you a fucking computer? Do it again. It's coming up, right? Yeah, it should come to say. You know, all I'm saying is that it's 514 and that thing got one more minute left on his frame Whoa, I just have like Vietnamese coaches that's right in the middle which is like big tunnels across the field are All right

First of all just get us Now listen to me Alright, let's go. First of all, just get us something. Now, what's in the meat? First of all, it's pork. Does he have a microchip that says, do a f***ing damn goofy Vietnamese voice up? Alright.

You know what I'm just gushing up. Literally disgusting. Vietnamese, that means. Not funny. Who said that? Who is that? From the Vietnamese meat. Johnny.

Oh, was that Gumball Chao? Gumball Chao. Did you hear Vosko? Can you get us something to eat? That's what he's talking about. Listen, stop, listen. Let me tell you something. If you can't hang in that atmosphere, then I mean, what the fuck? He Patrice went, I'm going to sell that they called him a comedian on television in front of

all the. And everything everybody was thinking at the time, those, those three guys, mainly Vos and Patrice were fucking revealing. And, and, and Colin was in on it too. He was being polite. Colin will stick up. No, Colin will, he just let it go. Colin would have stuck up for, you know, and been like, call him a stick up. No, call him. He just let it go. Call him a stuck up for, you know,

and been like, listen, he was trying to guide that ship. Yes, too. That's his job. Yeah. God damn it. That was fucking brilliant. Do you think? I mean, can we do it? Do you guys do that? No. What? Do you guys do that? Do you person your lips? Do you want to voice?

Let me tell you something. Gassy. Gassy. Gaby. Gabby's lips annoy me more than anything. Why? Why? Perseham, what are you just doing? This is what I looked over at. This is what I saw. Do you think that you do?

Do that thing. What do you mean? Don't you do it on Instagram all the time. I have to focus. I get focused. This? No. Perseham.

I don't do that. Yeah, you do. This is my resting face. That? That. Anyways. I mean comics, you guys are a little more sensitive now, right? I think that I think that this generation is a little bit more sensitive. A lot of us are. But I would agree with each other all the time.

You want to know what it really is, I think? Please. We're not as close. This this generation of comics is very fractured here in New York. This is what LA gets better. New York is not as close. They're smaller groups and the groups are separated. So when we all sit back at that table,

there's not that level of camaraderie that you guys had. You guys were fucking best friends. That's true. Best friends. A lot of us will hang out, may, will never hang out outside of comedy unless it's like you're really close, close friends. And then you hang out for a few hours, maybe at the seller at the back table. Yeah.

It's a different relationship. Yeah, we went to, we went to other countries together. But you guys were best. I think that's true. Like who, who's, who's that, that close? Like, I think, I think Sam, Joe and Yeah. And they rip each other to shreds. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So look at the comics. Dan Dan Lewis. So do yeah. So look at look at the comics, right? The comics that rip each other to shreds are the comics that have their communities,

right? Their their friend group. But intertwining between the two, those, all of them, like that whole sort of class or group, like all those guys that sort of came up together same time type thing. Joe, Mark, Sam, Soder, Vecchion, Rippie Chavez. All gay.

All of them. We just did gayists. Joe Mark Sam. Rippie Chavez. I don't, I don't think Joe Mark Sam All gay. All of them. We just did gays. You have to specifically film. Rip each other. I don't know. I don't think Joe Marksam and Lewis, Jay Dave are ripping each other. I think they'll rip each other in in their own groups, but they're not intermingly ripped. We would smash anybody that came to that table.

Or it's different. You guys were different animals, but he has a thing that we story about the guy who came with the fucking DVD. Were you there for that? This is my favorite back table story, the guy from Ohio who came with his DVD. And as I was, you know, I was wondering if you could show this to, to, to SD. And then Patrice goes, oh, let me see that real quick. And he opens up a DVD and he grabs it and he just breaks it on the table. That's not it. Then he takes both pieces, puts it back in the DVD case, and hands it to the comic. Oh, no, no, no.

That was the exact time. But we also did that. We did that tonight. Boss, keep on with this first album. We're all outside in the north. Oh, dude, congratulations, man. How much is it? He's like, no, I'll give you one. He's not, dude. I want to buy you first one. I'll be the first one. He goes, oh, that's nice. And he goes, ten bucks. He took, gave him ten bucks, and's threw it on the ground and stepped on. We kicked it in the gutter. There was a fair, there's emotional moment. And none of us, we all knew instinctually

right when he gave him the money, but he was telling me that we're not, he tossed them the ground. Oh my God. Yeah, man, it's a different. It's a different time, man. I think you guys, I think there were less comics. That's what it is during your time. So like you were four like any show that happened last comedy on TV, no internet, less comedy on TV. Social media was very small, less comics. Yeah. So like let's say there was 20 gigs in the city. And there was 40 comics. Chances are you're with one of your buddies at You know at one of these gigs. So different groups of comics now. There's different so many That's like the warriors. It's high school to college. That's what it is in high school

There's a very fine you guys were high school. Yeah, right now we're college like once you were to college You could find your own little niche group. Oh, we like comedy like this So I'm gonna hang out with these people to do it. You guys fucking hate that analogy. Well, that is what it is. I don't like the analogy. You didn't go to college. I like the both fighting, I think you're the college.

You did? Yeah. Which community? First of all, it was the law. First of all, hang out with some folks. First of all, to be honest, I am fucking a fan of you thought it was a community college. Second of all, Puerto Rico. It was, it was a fucking cause. Second ball. Puerto Rico. It was it was a bulkhead hill community.

We're gonna wrap this shit up. That was a great one. Wow. That went by fast. Andrew, yeah, dude, congratulations. Thanks, man. Thanks for always having me on. I appreciate it. Absolutely. Keep going. Keep doing your thing. Be in funny. Thank the syrup company here. Do we have an ad that I have to read something this week? No, good. Thank you for sending this you guys. Max will love it. But sure they'll love it and go to what's the website? That's great. Remember to be happy.com. The number two. Come on. Becky get in the baby. Becky get in there, baby. It's remember to be happy.com. That's right. Look at the number two.

You want this is yours. This is your site. That's it. Yeah. This is back. I'm working with Becky and Chris on their merch site. They make this amazing merch. They come up with the logo.

They come up with the idea. I'm going to break them. Yeah. Yeah. Please. What do you want? Whatever you want to give me. I won't want to wear it.

You're going to wear it. Why would I ask for one if I wasn't going to wear it? Because you gay. Okay, that's my thing for everything. Yeah, we'll get you a shirt. Can we get him a shirt? Yeah, sure. What size are you?

Large, really good. I like that one that says dude on it. Dude? Yeah. Which one? The Buddha dude or the Buddha. You like this one right here? The Buddha dude.

I like Buddha dude. You like Buddha dude, that's me. Hell, yeah. You want me on your fucking stomach? I love that. I love that. Yeah. I just make sure you go back to the commentaries. I got to get I want the YKW. I also want the YKW. I want to. And the we are the dudes is a good one too. I want that one. I like the Boota dude and the logo. The logo is real. I like it. It's nice. It's clean. So make sure you go

there to her website and Chris. What's up? You can also get the you can go and look at photos from the show too. Like all the ones I've taken are up on the website. Yeah. Yeah. Great stuff. What else? Gab? We got Wednesday. Went tomorrow. That's black. Black. And then next week, where I'm in, I'm at the real quick. I'm at the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, Syracuse funny bone.

Then I'm doing MGM brand new club at the casino in Springfield. Uh, I got, uh, Mohigan son, the week after that levity live with me in Scopo. Yeah, Scopo. Fuck it. Oh, man. I better be. He better be a, he got clock. So I could better. I bring it. He's funny. he got clocks out the better better.

It's funny. Did he get funny? Yeah, he's funny. Yeah, I heard my ear today. What? Look at see it. Get it pierced. Yeah, what'd you do?

Oh, wear hoops. No, I would love to see you in hoops. I used to wear hoops back in the day. I've pired Bobby. Pired. So many. I used to, uh, I got my, for my birthday, I told you, I should did the video. I'll put it up on my Instagram.

My wife got me, uh, laser hair removal for my ears. Good for her. That's such a disturbing video. It's such a disturbing video. I love that. That's a great video. That's what you want. Hey, hi, girls.

All hot chicks that work at this salon. Yeah. Hey, how you doing? I'm in all sweatpants, black, just a fat, I look like Dom Delewese. You might take in the hair out of my ears. I went from that hot motherfucker giving you a hard time to get in there. And it's coming for you, Sheldon. If you don't think you come down this aisle, I know you're gonna be right here. I embrace it I'm gonna be dead, but you'll be right here. It's only one thing we can do when are we going to Vegas?

Yes, end of May. You're end of May. I can't wait. Who are you going with? Yes, you live as well key drop and key. That's a good squad. Well and rich phones. Oh Well, all verzy. No, pretty Ricky Ricky Roles. Oh, that's a good squad. Pretty Ricky. They get sold by the hang, man. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We're with a, we're going with an all right hang. Yeah, you need to, you need to come with us. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I was with Haiti. If you're so good at green, it's so angry in the green. Oh, I love it. He got upset. Oh, yeah. See the light one time. I was just fucking right.

Mark Cohen says something and habey like Hey, he just brings his laptop down there. He brings a laptop down there to steal the wife I because it stays with him I said hey, what's up guys? What up, Fanny? He will yeah, habey will call me every day's there. Oh god Every how many times you complain about me? Why are you blowing the light? I just blow the light. I was laying into I was like going really hard I was pulling the light. I was laying into I was like going really hard. Kind of buried burial. No, he has to switch the last day. Why could he? It'll leave. Like broken.

A fucking Broga. That's where I ask. No, I switch. It's switch. I mean, I'm feeling a little under the weather. Either that or he's like I'm tired of this kid blowing the fucking light. Probably that too. Probably that too. All right, so we won't work with him down there.

But listen, no, no, yeah, I'm fine. No, I'm joking. Yeah, we got that going on. I can't wait for that. And then we're doing comedy camp. Comedy camp. Are you guys coming? Yeah.

What's going on? I rented here, all of us at the YKWD, rented three sites at a campsite and a one cabin. And we're gonna go up on a Monday and a Tuesday. This is sick. And we're gonna camp, you wanna go? When is it? Can't say. Can't say, but we'll take that fair.

Let me know, you don't have never gone camping. Well, dude, Audrey. You're gonna start now. That's a bad place to start. No, this is not a death. This is not your place. I mean, it could be. It's a bad place to start. This is not a death. This is not a death. This is not your life. I mean, it could be. It's a big way.

It's a big way. Listen, it's a, no, it isn't. But I wanted to be real nature. I don't want it to be like a fucking campsite. No, Bobby goes like, he goes, he goes, it's full. No, no, no, no. Listen, if you want to do, up and like, go hiking and then make a campsite. Make a campsite.

I do that in the summer. That's what I want to do. If you want to do, I bought Verzy was the last time. You should do that. I want to, you want to come in? Yes, send in the summer. That's what I want to do. If you want to do, I bought Verzy was the last time. No, I want to do that. You want to come in? Yes, send in the video. No bullshit. I've always wanted to do it.

I want to go, I'm really into those nature shows on Discovery. We'll go this, we'll listen. We'll go, we'll go this summer. I'll pick a day. I call it Bushcraft Party Boys. Okay. Oh, that'd be so good. Okay, and we usually...

What will we do for warmth? You will be present naked. Yeah, we'll find. I just cut you open and sleep inside. Yeah, And we usually, what will we do for warmth? You were like, I'll get you to the naked. Yeah, we should. Should I just cut you open and sleep inside? Yeah, yeah. Look, is that called hot hot? Hot hot.

Hot hot. I knew he'd know. And I didn't know. Fuck. I'm a lot of us now. That's what fucking verzy tried to verzy. This is so funny. I took verzy last year.

Okay. Now verzy shows up with fucking Nike's. And the camera was like, dude, these are good, right? The camera. You can happen. I think they want to prove, because they, not be just because this camera does. It's like good, right? The camera you can bet them is. I think they're waterproof because it's not just because it's camera does. It's like when you took me on a hike and I was like dude,

can you take this? How great was that? I was fucking amazing. It was one of the most beautiful things you've ever done in your life. 100% Okay, version be Kelly. Half way up the mountain, I go, Verzy, I go, you got your blanket, he goes,

it's in the car, dude. I go, what? He goes, well, I'd be all right. And I go, I literally, the video, me, I got, I got the video like this in front of me. He's behind me. I'm like, yeah, he's going to be fine. Dude, it drops. When it drops like 10, 10 degrees, it's cold, huh?

Dude, you're used to sleeping. He's used to sleeping up in South Salem in this big house. Yeah. With, you're used to sleeping. He's used to sleeping up in South Salem in this big house. Yeah, with you know, Fancho feet, sat here. Dude, when it drops to the grease, this guy, Saka almost gave up. He almost, I almost dropped out. He almost broke, dude. He went into his bag and put everything he had on. So the next day he looked like a fucking whole shorts over pants, shirts, like shirts over shirts. He was just like, dude, it was cold last night, dude. I almost fucking left, dude. I almost fucking laughed, dude.

I almost went down the mountain, dude. I was gonna go in with you, dude. I was gonna go in. I called Bern. He was like, good. Something like that. But yeah, dude, that was a good one. We had a blast, dude.

We went out and we filmed them. Yeah, I got that one. Bits and pieces. No, I filmed the one with the lens. I do want a month where you just film going camping with a comic. That'd be so much fun. Yeah. Well, that's what we're trying to do.

We're trying to make a show out of it. It's great show. The Bushcraft party, boys. Well, it's you are in Joe and me. And then we were supposed to bring one other person. So, but it's so hard to do with, you know, them because they're scheduled. Joe's always, yeah, the fucking are he's fucking him on the moon for the next three months.

Yeah. Break something. I'm hanging out with Elon Musk and Mars for a half a year. But yeah, so if you want to go do that, I'll you can go. But we're doing comedy camp. It's a campsite. We're going to hike, have some hop, you know, hamburgers hot dogs. Yeah, I can do that too, but I want to do real camping.

I want to fucking I want to go like up to Canada. Dude, now what you fly in and they leave you listen, stop. Listen, bear grills relax. You're not talking about bear grills. I know I want to be. I know I want to go up there. I know, but I want to go to Nine of it. I think you want to do that, but you should do it with me first.

Yeah. Because then you'll will hike up a mountain up in the cascades. Yeah. We'll find a campsite. We'll make one. And then we'll stay the night. That is our food. We'll hunt our food. You don't hunt.

You just bring food. Is it camping or it's not camping? It's camping, but we're not fucking fish. I like to fish. I would like to fish with a fish. I want to hunt my rod. I'll bring my rod. All right.

Bring one for me. Yeah. Bring two rods. Well, we can bring two rods. I have many rods. We can bring a rod. Okay. We'll bring a rod.

And you catch a fish. We're not going to bring any bread. You're bringing it. No, you can. You're not eating bread. You can hike up. Yeah, I'm going to bring. I don't eat bread or refined. I'm going to bring chicken, teriyaki, and freeze dried. I'm going to heal the water.

I'm going to eat half of dinner. No, you have to. I think we should have a backup bag in case we get lost. But I think that we should try to do a day. Because you'll find it. I'll be like the try to do a day. I'll be like the fact kid and monster ball, just eating candy in my tent. I'm not doing that.

I think that we should do it. I really think that we should try to hunt all our own food. Listen, what about water? Can you drink the water out of the list? I have a filter. Okay, we do everything natural. Like we're dropped in the fucking forest and we got to survive me and you. No, listen, listen, I mean, what the fuck? Like, what are you going to hunt? Liz, this is how I'm trying to get him back to his finding shape.

Like, we're going to let him come out. Yeah, and then come out with a guy like a video comical radio. Yeah, three barked is. if you don't think we're stopping on the Dunkin' Donuts and we're back in the house where out of your mind, I listen, Shiltsy, what do you got, baby? Theadreachels.com, all the dates, and you can go check all those out.

I'll be in Cleveland this weekend, but I got a lot of dates coming up and then I got this tour. So now you're just doing one nights at these places, right? So I break up the weekend, depending on how much I think I can sell. So I only do the amount of shows I can sell out and I'll only do Friday, Saturdays.

So if I think I can sell out two shows, I'll do one of the days of I can sell out four. But how these clubs letting you do that? Cause that's the other thing. I've convinced them that is in their best interest to have sold out shows. And it's crazy, you think you would need to convince them that. But what I've basically done is I've said, look, I'm going to go in there. I'm going to sell both the shows out. You're going to give me 80% of the

door. Okay. And then you're going to get another act that will sell out Friday. And now you have a sold out weekend and you're going to make more than you would make in bars, there's in food and all that and even ticket sales. Then if you just comp the whole room and pay to an act, you know, do you do that? Do you agent do that? That was my idea. And in my agents on on board with my agent really, I think what happened was he's great. Shout out to TJ Mark Walter man at her. She's fucking the man. And I think we just we had a cool like come, you know, we just we just get each other. Man, it's actually really good. So, so it's just, it's changed the way the clubs are operating. Clubs now, then now clubs will just be venues, right? And like, you're not a comedy club anymore.

You're a venue that's cheaper than a theater. Right. When I'm doing, I'm doing town hall in New York and I'm doing Wilbur and I'm doing the, the Danforth and, wait, you're doing town hall. Yeah, yeah, November. And these things are in these things. But, and, you're telling town hall. Yeah, yeah, November. And these things are in these things. Holy shit. But and you know, it's funny. They won't put, they won't book me in the fucking New York comedy festival. So we're doing it that the weekend after. Why?

Because I don't know. Those people are, I just started doing festivals. Like they never booked me a festival. They never booked me ever. You're the two dude. You don't want to ever, ever, ever. I know it's one other cool thing. Ever once you start selling tickets, you just tell them exactly what you want.

And then if you don't get it, you don't give a fuck. Here's the thing though, you've touched on this. That it's like comedy clubs, you know, I, we need you to come in Wednesday and leave Monday. No, it's guys. You need me to sell out your show. But what they're doing is they're working on 1980s, early 90ss fucking the way things were. Now what I'm going to do is I'm going to come back to your town. I'm going to have, I'm going to rent this room down the street because I'm a comic.

I just need a little triskit to stand on. That's it. A little light and a microphone because you have a fan base. Yes. So that's the difference. But now it's like, you could have had me come in for a couple shows, but I'm going to go down the street and they're going to make the money. They're going to sell out. I'm going to make as much money as I'd make five shows at your club

all weekend. Right. You had me and now you're losing me because you're fucking me. Right. And you're going to check spot. Not only that, you're going to drop a fucking check. Oh, we're going to get we're going to get rid of that. I got an idea for that. But we got to get rid of that. Oh, we will. Don't drop the job. Well, you guys will. But there's a way. We can get us that. But so there's two things, right?

And this is how we're going to clean up the comedy ecosystem. Where's my bag? What happened? Where's the bag I brought up here? We'll get it white bag. So check this out, Bobby. So what we do is this, right? I come in there, let's say I do a Friday, then you come in there and you do a Saturday,

right? Now, the club still has Sunday and Thursday that they want, right? Neither of us want it because we put all of our fans in the seats and we made our money those two days. But you know who needs the work still? The comics that are mushroom coming. So they headline Thursday and Sunday that you comp the room. Comp it.

Comp it. And then give these younger comics an opportunity. Comp me. You don't need to come because I'm selling it out, but don't come to you. You're selling it out, but don't come me and don't make me do seven shows because now I could have sold out two. But now you're fucking diluting everything. But it actually works in their favor.

This was in. Because they don't, they can, you didn't do good last time. Yeah, you had me do five fucking shows in a four and a four hundred seat room. So this is what I'm doing. It's like everything that I'm doing is why am I streaming because it's just it's just hit you like what you already knew. Where's my jacket? It's in my jacket. It's a like all this stuff right now is for comics, right? Like this what I'm doing right now for the club. It's not just for me. It's like this is so that the clubs can have someone coming in headline that can just one show and then you guys can make real fucking money. Yeah, because then you go from like, just do the math. If you can sell 800 tickets, right? And you get 80% of the door, right? And it tick is let's say 20 bucks, right? Yeah, that's 16 grand. You get 80% and I don't know 13 grand, right? You make 13 grand a day. That's a day. Yeah. And then you come back and do it Wednesday through

Sunday and making 2,500 in five days. You said I'm saying, but you know, you know, I'm telling you, dude, I've already put in a motion. We're announcing something this summer. Yeah. That I've been working on and wanted for a long time. My agent, Maddie Frosty over at CAA finally, he was like, all right, what do you want to do? And it was like this. And he's like, all right. And now it's happening because you don't need to, number one, you don't need to be out there

by yourself. You can, you can, you can go out there and like when I do these one I bring this kid Aaron with me. We're doing one with the Rosa in LA. So I'm rolling into LA instead of working Whatever fucking club in LA. They want me to work for five shit. Whatever the fuck they want me to do in the outskirts It's like I'm just gonna go rent the hall this many seats one night. I'm going in rolling in if I sell it out great Then I know I can come back. I'm going to get all those people on fucking Facebook. So I know where they are. I know if they're men, I know they're ages. I know everything. Females, blah, blah, blah. I know where I'm popular and I'm just going to go there. And then the clubs that work me good and pay me well, I'll go back to club. Like, you know, Aaron at the Improvs, the girl books that she lets me do a Friday and Saturday.

I can't do Thursday and Sunday. I won't do it. I'll just say no. All right, me do Friday and Saturday. That's I can't do Thursday and Sunday. I won't do it. I'll just say no. All right. Cool Friday and Saturday. Let's go. You should just do Friday. Yeah.

Well, maybe I, but I know how many you can sell and then get the But are you selling out both nights when you do Friday Saturday? I sell out probably two. Maybe one because that's a thing like one and a half. Let's say you sell out to let's say you would sell it one and a half Yeah, but we're talking about the money is real money man Yeah, but you're talking about real money, but they if you make that real money man. Yeah, they don't they don't get you for this Sell all just give it away make all the money on food and beer. Yeah, right?

But I'm bring I'm making them their weekend. I'm making that more money in that one night Then they would make the whole weekend. They don't like to do that door though. They love it. No, no, that I've changed. That you can go in and do that now. And it took fucking years. This process that has been happening,

I started years ago, right? Okay, now we're seeing the fruits of it, but it started years ago where I played all these clubs and I would sell them out on $2,000 door deals. And I'd make fucking my little 500-hour bonuses. And I know I'm selling them out because I'm shaking the hands on the way out. So it's like, but I had to do three runs of this before they were like, okay, just let him do the amount of shows you want.

All I'm saying is now that it's broken, you have to go take advantage of it. And if you don't take advantage of it, you're just gonna lose fun. Not you any comic. No, no, no, for you guys to go. It's me too. Look at, man, I'm sitting there. How many nights, whereas I have a vase on the phone on a fucking Saturday,

you heading into the second show like, dude, what the fuck am I doing? Yeah, we're selling vacuums motherfucker. Yeah. And someone out with this cocksucker's got a boat. I don't even have a fucking raft. Yeah. And I have to walk in the water with waiters.

I have to fly fish. Yeah. Dude, and this is another thing I want to say. This is why I love the comedy seller. Uh huh. Look at this right here. Yes. This is what we do.

A little thing, five cents. Less than five cents. And I'm getting them printed, even three cents at a month. Okay, here's your phone. It goes in the bag, you lick it, and they put your number on your table number. You can put five phones in there.

They put your table number on here, put all the phones in there, lick it, and then you can't use your fucking phone. So it takes the ability of your fucking dumb brain that's not your fault. You've been bagged boozled, you've been fucking high jinks, you've been fucking whiplashed, you've been fucking hypnotized

into touching this every five seconds. So when your brain shuts down and you get anxiety, you go to your phone, they put it in here and it take that fucking option away from you. And then you take it with you. Take it with you, leave whatever it's fine. It takes no time off. Sold out.

Fuck it. 40 shows a week. That's why it's the best club in the world. Anyways, we got Brian. What's your name again? Brandon. Brandon. Sagalo. Hi, Brian. What is it? You know my name. That was the joke. You fat newcomer.

All right. Well, see you guys. Bye. Bye. Take it easy. See you later. That's all you got to do. We'll replace you with another chubby guy in two seconds. You have to come back. That is the worst. Especially when we know in here, because you're not a Mike. They just hear me. Sounds like you're taking it. Yeah, you're just taking it. We're all having fun. All right, we're going to do this thing. We're filming this thing after you staying to help. Yeah. All right.

And you're going to help to right, right? You ready to go there? Fuck, oh, look at you. You got a haircut for today. You this cocksack of good shine. It was sharp. You fucked. Shine. You're in your nice Nike's go check out Fini stuff. Man, Fini's putting out a lot of good stuff. They did. Let me tell you something. We showed it last week. What'd you show? Which one? The R Kelly one. So good, man. Funny. So good. Our Kelly one was really good. Yeah.

All right. So let's wrap this up. What do you got, Mikey? Well, I'm at my cabrurcy on all social media. And I got my own podcast called a little time that you can get anywhere there are podcasts. A little time. Yeah. Got it. Gotcha. Gabs. If you're listening live, I'm hosting Bobby showed tomorrow at the fat black pussy cat mousses on it. Um, I have a monthly show every first Wednesday at the way station in Brooklyn and follow me on Instagram. At Gabby is Brian. Back. Hi. She's adorable.

What do you got, baby? Already went and go to remember to be happy.com and buy some merch. Please, Michael, what do you got? At Mike, these were his, I'll be opening for Bobby at West Nia. Yes. And I have some children saying to you next week and it'll be at the pap black tomorrow. Okay. Cool. Hey, Chrissy, um, we, you're working on that thing.

Did you work it out today? Yeah, I got to show you. Yeah, we get to, I get a job after July 4th, I get a big announcement. Oh, nice. Sick, man. Nice. Not, well, not for independent. Yeah.

Yeah. It's, I got a wait till then, but we got a fucking great thing going down. I'm very excited about it. And I've been working trying to get this to happen for a long time. I think I know what it is. Let me know so I can help man. Yeah, absolutely. Mike, you doing it? And all right, that's all I got man. I mean, we're done. I mean, you got fucking you guys get nothing. Check out YouTube, youtube.com slash the Andrew Shulz. That's where I put all my stuff up. Yeah, that's it. I'm sure you might take it's for town hall because it's a big fucking room. Yeah, that's it. Make sure you buy tickets for town hall because it's a big fucking room. Yeah, come tell me shit. I don't know. I don't like it.

Tell the stuff. I think we'll do all right. Go to what's the why KWTude podcast. Why KWTude podcast? What is it? Follow us at why KWTude podcast on it. Why is it W.Dude podcast? Yeah, what is it? Follow us at YKWDude podcast on Instagram. And what's on YouTube? And it's our YKWD YouTube all our old episodes, some new stuff. Keep going. Your drawings are so good. What is it? Your hairline is talking.

Probably a bunch of old episodes, a lot of stuff in the page. It's gonna be going up there. We got some stuff. Check it out. Make sure you subscribe. I got some like You're applauding. I'll fucking throw you Yeah, you understand me. I don't take fucking you Nazi. Don't be a Nazi fucking you Nazi. Don't be a Nazi. Nazi. You go against me. You're a fucking Nazi. Okay. You're gonna stand that. Yeah. Which is, if this is gonna end, which is gonna cry. Michael, the time. That would be like a subscribe. That's it. It's all it was. All right. Um,

yeah. So make sure you go check like and subscribe. Do everything. Do everything. Don't be a plus. A lot of fans and Calgary from the podcast. A lot of fans. That club, good time, good fans, good show, but fucking man, I don't know if I can do I don't know if I can do it again. It's far right. It's fucking an all day event to get there. You almost lost your passport. What? Yeah. Yeah. I did forget my passport, but I call my, this is what you do when you're married. You call me, I forgot my passport when I, and I'll end on this.

I forgot my passport on the, when I got to the airport. Yeah. And I called my wife in panic. Don, my passport. I don't know where it is. I fucking, I forgot it at the house. I'm going to Canada. What, you are, oh my God.

What the fuck? I fucked up. You got to come and give it to me. All right, I'm coming. I'm going. You got to get in the car right now. Okay, great. And then I went I'm coming. I'm going. You got to get in the car right now. Okay, great.

And then I went and had breakfast. I get quite late. I enjoyed myself. I called her around 30 minutes in. Are you coming here? I'm 10 minutes away. Great. I'll see you later.

Can I get some more coffee? Great. Little more. Yeah, just a little more. Give me the check, too. I got to wrap it up. And then I Rapt it up. I had a little sip white my mouth a little bit like Robert Downey Jr And then Well iron man, and then I went upstairs and I saw her coming and I

Didn't make you take you so much. Oh my god. You're the best. I love you. Bye. Take care. Here you go, sir Candida, please and I walked on the fuck the best. They're loving. Bye, take care. He goes, sir, Canada, please. And I walked on the fuck full as a motherfucker relaxed as a motherfucker. And my wife is the shit. But what do you have? That's how you that's how you handle you woman. All right, fellas? He a handle you. Or man. Now if she ever hears the podcast, I'm dead. If she finds out I went to breakfast, she'll fuck a murder me. She'll step in my dick while I'm sleeping. All right, you guys are the best fans of the world.

We got a cow. Peace. You know what, dude? See you next week. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. y ya están escuchando el YKWD podcast. ¡Gracias! ¡Gracias! ¡Gracias! ¡Gracias!

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