Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - The Original Four

Episode Date: October 29, 2012

Dangerous Joe DeRosa, Dan Soder and Kelly Fastuca join Robert in a reunion of the original four.  RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Ma mal, a Madrid.

in all your devices. Plus, don't forget to pay attention to this. November 10th at 1 o'clock, we will be showing a sneak preview of our movie, Women Aren't Funny. That Saturday, November 10th, 1 p.m. Caroline's Comedy Club for the New York Comedy Festival. Phone 212, 757, 4100. See you there. Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton, this is Dennis Liri.

This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Chrysler. Staying cooking, you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude? You know what dude? If you bippy by a if you bippy boo, dippy dippy dhya, yabba dhyba doo.

Dude. This is Robert Kelly's, you know what do? You know what do? I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see, I can't see,. I'm angry because I'm that guy. No, you're angry because you're a MacBook. I know what you're angry. I don't like that. I like that Kelly gave you one. She, and she, hey, look at dude, you have to put it in perspective, okay?

Yeah, she gave you one, but it's from her. So it rises it up to where somebody else's mediocre one would be. All right, you have a good point. You want to say what I'm saying? Yeah. Let me have a tan. Give me a good point. You want to say what I'm saying? Yeah, let me have it then Snacks in here. Yeah, I got some stuff for you. What do you have I got some candy?

I can't how come I can't get it? No, have a caramel like koala. Oh fucking. What is this? How about you have a knife? Alright. Alright, here we are. We're we're here. It's all over. Yes. No. Those are good. Those are good. But the Chiquito, what if it's this off brand? What is it? You should try Vegemite. That shit's the best. Have you had Vegemite? Did you ever try Vegemite? Vegemite is so good, dude. Vegemite, Vegemite is like, the first taste and you're like, what the fuck?

And then all of a sudden it tastes like, it's like a jam. It's like a jam. Like, what's, I don't know how to try it. It's so good. I don't know how to try it. It's so good. I don't know how to try it.

I don't know how to try it. I don't know how to try it. I don't know how to try it. I don't know how to try it. I don't know how to drive it. I don't want to hear that shit. How does the caramel I like Joe is a good? Just caramel tastes like caramel except not as good as American. OK, all right. What is that piece of paper? Where's my piece of paper? A piece of paper that you gave to Joe? Yeah, where is that? He want to touch it.

Yeah, where is it? Fuck fuck where is that piece of paper underneath the sandboard you folded it underneath here we go okay so all right we're here yk wd or as the long form is why do you know what you know what I was waiting for I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it.

I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. man we got fucking Joe Derosa dangerous Joe Derosa dangerous Joe Joey roses just like One of the old podcasts plus two and posters. Oh So glad you're Jeff. I love the Joe got more hateful with time He's a two and Paulie that's what's been there Call somebody an imposter is worse than calling them a fucking asshole.

Yeah, we got Joe D's back in the house. We did one last week was fucking really fun. A lot of fun last week. Can I tell you how sick to be here I am already? Why? Because as we were waiting for you to figure out the computer. Yeah, the notebook. Let me go through all the steps of just like old times.

Okay. Bobby shows up, it's 20 minutes of. Fuck, fuck, that dude, they changed the fuck. What the fuck? Fuck. So that. That is true. Joe would always be in a time crunch,

and I'd be like, dude, we're starting right at two. We're around 238. I'd figure like, dude, we're starting right at two around two thirty eight I should figure out the fucking drivers. I needed to download So it was that that wasn't that bad, but while you were doing that it was just a fucking cartoon voice from fucking Dan Mel blank I knew he was sitting on that one for 20 minutes waiting to call me that Now black That's a great that one's that's funny. It's things, but it's funny Dan

UK male blank I miss Joe and his fucking middle brother attitude Fuck it is the baby dancing for the grandparent again? I don't care! Shut up! OPM Stairs listen to my records! His family sucks! Shut up, mom! This fucking- This family- I really don't like that he came out smashing me when I was so nice to him watching him fuckin' come up on his bike and his lather jacket.

You like that fucking greaser that's not allowed to have a motorcycle. He says dangerous jokes. Exactly. Dangerous jokes. Dangerous jokes. Bad. He fucking, we showed Soda that Stone Cold video of the guy doing Stone Cold ET. Which was great.

And he immediately assimilated. I was, I swear to God, as I was watching him watch the video, I go, this fucking cock sucker is analyzing how to do a Stone Cold impression. What's wrong with that? As he watches, as soon as he watch the video, I go, this fucking cock sucker is analyzing how to do a stone-cold impression. What's wrong with that? As he watches, as soon as he stopped the video, he started doing a stone-cold impression. Yeah, it was good, too.

It was actually good. It was a decent impression. Well, do the, do the, do, no, do the stone-cold ET for us. Drone or roll, I can't do C-Hat, I had to watch the video. It doesn't sink in. But that's what you were doing.

You were analyzing. I was actually watching the video and then I'd buy the endos to analyzing it fucking carcass. Yeah, you you look at him He fucking snuck out of it with this corporate horse you again And this message is approved Fuck Robert it's good to be back. Let me tell you dance only corporate when somebody more famous than you is in the room though That's true to like you if he you, he'll fucking yell at you,

throw you under the bus. This cock sucker. You know what he did? We had Billy Burr on, this fucking cock sucker called this show a morning zoo show. No, I laughed at the fact that. But this is what he did. Billy, what do you guys in morning zoo?

And he goes, yeah, we are sometimes. It is not even we said it is like that sometimes. Then he busted into a voice. And I allowed it. I allowed it. I let him do his whole fucking his whole repertoire of fucking stupid voices and I didn't say nothing Let me say this The reason it's a morning zoo show right you characters and it's your fault for not reprimand I like Andre the giant All right, he got me with the macho man but it is good to have Joe back yeah he's the son of it it's nice to be here it's just fun breaking balls it's

nice I know I missed I hope so I hope we don't really hate Dan and we don't really don't hate each other good point yeah it's good to have you back Kelly Kelly for still got a K a Fucking sexy Kelly. Hi, what she look good the other night at the book party, huh? She did she's a Christ. Yeah, take a compliment, please Thanks guys, and can you return that fucking outfit from 87? I don't know. I don't give that much comment that much more war Doesn't look like something a living newton John would have worn Xanado From runaway horses She was interviewing us at the book show

Belinda call on When the fuck was that rain made it I like that fat bitch that fucking used to be fat bitch I like that fat bitch that fucking used to be fat bitch Sorry Kelly was interviewed to book party. Yeah, yes She was really acting like she didn't know us already She was annoying the shit out of me and she at one point she goes she goes so Joe You know don't worry when we go back and do the edit of this we'll fuck I go Kelly If you tell me you do the edit when we're talking to smash that microphone in your fucking head What did I say

You just wait you bother me that's what he said I Really would like to see the I want to watch that footage because I want to joke it irritate her with Kelly I'm still trying to be professional. I was nice to most of it. Then at the end, when she started throwing showbiz terms at her, she was Bob Costas. The way I will fix it in the attic, kid. Oh fuck, you're so...

I'm catching a post. It's my fucking party. I tell you this though Kelly Where I set up this thing with Rob sprants and his he has this great guy who does a video and he he came down to do a Kristen Kristen was supposed to be there And do the interviews but at the last minute I was like let's throw Kelly in there too So we have two people doing it. And thank God I did, because Kristen fucked us. She just bailed, never showed up.

It would have been Rob Sprance doing it, fucking bird with AIDS face, which nobody wants to, I mean, that's fine for audio. You know what I mean? We were trying to set up this new thing called RiotcastTV that we're gonna launch on the network where we're gonna have everybody's YouTube page on one channel. Well, yeah, and this is gonna be the first thing that

the riot cast TV people went to and covered with the riot cast TV logo. We had the Mike Flegz, May Kelly steps in, which I think she's gonna be all right, but at that point I was telling you, look, I don't care what happens tonight. It's already done. The hard work's done. Let's enjoy tonight. Whatever falls, fails, whatever happens. Well, she comes in steps in and like she's been doing this, like she works for E. fucking entertainment. This broads like she's doing red carpets from fucking us. Tell you for seven years. She steps in. She's now, I talked to Rob. She's nailing one time out front. Hello, this is Kelly of a

Stooper and you're watching Riot cast TV. We're here tonight at the book part. I mean nails there. One shot. Oh my one shot fucking for Stooper. Yeah. And then she does these interviews and I'm watching them and I'm like, these are fucking great. She's gonna be getting tossed out. Yeah, she's gonna be with Mario Lopez on extra. You know, Kristen from the cell of of the interview and really you fucking ass all right, whatever. Buy the fucking dumb book. She just didn't show up. Did not fucking show.

What the fuck Kristen? Yeah, well I don't know if she listens to the show. She's at her desk right now. Oh wait. Yeah, this isn't fucking alive. I don't even know fucking, he damn thinks it's a Zoom morning show. I have fucking ass all fucking. Jesus, what is this? The bank's a zoom morning show Fuckin asshole fucking

Is the banks to fucking morning show? Is it a zoo? I know it can be it can be like a zoo show It can this is him it can be rewrite bill. He is the worst. I call them for a vice one day You weren't home. I was born home, Billy was somewhere. It's not called Danford Vice Sunday. I got, I've poured my fucking heart out for 20 minutes. I just stopped and he just goes, yeah man, so what are you going to do? And I go, I go, is that all you're going to say you fucking asshole?

I go, I need fucking help, I'm your friend.? I go, I need fucking help, I need help. And he goes, I know man, I'm the worst, they shit. That's all he said. That's all he said. I'm with you, dear, I'm so terrible for advice. Terrible. What's wrong with you? Why do I have to be good at advice?

Because you're a human being. Because I'm an opinion. I don't like that she's yelling at me. It's true, let her yell. Why can't she grow the fuck up? I'm not gonna let her yippee me anymore. She can yipp on the show Bobby going why can't she grow up? That's not it so sincere. That's not in real The uh you stink at fucking giving it by so I can't say this firsthand because I've never thank God

I had to call you and say Dan I need to talk that'll be your darkest hour but Dan I need advice I called everybody I called the black guy who middleed for me in Nashville who closed with hit the CD what's up what what's up with them sticks soda Let's get this out on the table. I love soda but soda is out for a soda. Soda is a one man. Hang on hang on. You know what? We're gonna get this on the table right now. We're gonna be I love you too, Dan. And I love you Kelly. I love you Joe. Thank you. I love you too. Thank you And you I love you all I love you all guys as long as it benefits me You know you are a fucking you are a self-centered guy

No a little selfish, but I don't think I'm so good guy Yeah, you are a good guy. You're not a car your heart. You're a good person. You're a late twenties You're a late twenties male comedian. You're right at the same place. We all were He smacked me around a lot in my late twenties. So did Burr Burr with Burr one time through me office tour Then call me back. It was like look. I want you to do the tour. You got to stop back like a We got in such a bad fight, but he was right. I was being a fucking asshole because I was like, ah, you know, I had that fucking Hickswagger, you know, hey people, I know my shit. Go fuck yourselves. You just have that right now. That's all. I don't think he has that on stage, but he has it internally and it comes out. You can smell it. You can smell the sweat of swag coming out of fucking soda. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, goes up does a zack he's not he's not a you're not a cunt but there is something about you that's a little selfish you know what bugs me

about you it's what bugs me about you and we'll get to Kelly and I'm sure we'll get to me and you too Joe of course and you know what we're gonna get to this fucking black photography girl too uh... next to you Linda Linda's hot ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha My phone and you don't leave a message wait a minute don't take my thing That's my Well go ahead talk about it then you do it. I

The reason It's my you didn't even realize it to my Senator I realized it on the other day. I said it to you today I go I go fucking soda called me again. Did leave me a fucking voice. And I said I agree with you. And you started laughing and you went, you know what, you're right, he doesn't mean. You had the realization when I said it today. And I can tell by your face,

and I'll tell the truth from him. Maybe you're right. You fucking thief. What are you doing? Wait 30 minutes to bring it up. You know you have a meeting later, you have to go to, you have to fucking stop the show. Dude, I gotta go go I gotta go dude

You heard I don't leave voicemails policy makes me sick You're not busy No, I'm not busy here's the thing and I'm better start Karen because the people that care about you will stop caring about you You're right, so you know what deal with that therapy you fucking grabbing you I don't give a fuck You do give a fuck the reason I don't leave a fuck. How do you do give a fuck? The reason I don't leave voicemails is because before I had an iPhone, before I was just privileged to have an iPhone, I used to hate when people left me

voicemails and have to go into my fucking mailbox and type in my code and then wait. And then for them to be like, hey dude, call me back. Well, I know you called. I saw the miss call, so I'm just gonna call you back. I have a miss call. Why do I have to go all the way to my mailbox, type in a dumb fucking code, and then just listen to you go, hey, I'm calling you.

All right, all right, fair enough, but now you have an iPhone, and you've had one for months, start leaving fucking voicemails. Okay, you know what? Smart and fucking up. Okay. Joe, I love Joe. Okay, I love you, love you. Just give this to Nero, real quick. I'm you, love. Jesus, Tanero, real life. I was smart in the fuck up.

He just gave him, he just had a breakthrough. Yeah. You smash him about something. He has a breakthrough, admits it literally in front of everybody. And on the air. And you go, smoothing the fuck up. That should have been delivered with a fucking back of the head smack. Yeah, Jesus Christ.

All right, I was kidding. I actually heard that brought me back to my childhood. So they're all start leaving voicemails. All right, all right. And I'm sorry if I'm a con. You're never a con. How about this? You're never a good guy.

How about this? I didn't know I was going to leave the serenity of my home today to be bashed. Is this another God damn Gator fight episode? I was just catching me out of nowhere. That's mashing, was epic. Yeah, okay, look at that. I was a fucking grad.

I remember calling you on Gator Fight, going this month, you went, get him on the phone. We're doing a show today. Let's do it. The worst part. Get him on the phone and we got you down there. And right after I just finished waiting tables and I still smelled like cilantro.

And I was like half sweaty from waiting tables. That's happening right here. Keith, can I smash them one Thanksgiving? So fucking hard. I love you holiday smashing that you did. They get veky out. They get veky out. So goddamn good. Me and Keith call veky on every Christmas of Thanksgiving.

You just trash him. It's fucking great. Can I get none on this? Is there a can I pay a fee? Can I how can I get it on this? I literally been doing it like for six years with Keith. I'm not exaggerating. If I get a conference call thing, can we call,

tell him to call a number and do this? Yeah. I would love to be on it. Be a part of it. I do it in front of my mom now in the car on the way to the hot my mouth. She's fucking pissing herself. And I'm just driving

going you fucking guinea nobody wants you at the table Mike and they put him on well Mike puts it Mike puts it on speaker phone and it's awesome you see your Keith going art bothers me that you're living with dance soda how old are you Vicki home get your own apartment you shouldn't be living with him Vicki home I don't like that fucking his impression of Keith is a large chicken that's looking for a chicken hawk. I don't say I don't say. I don't say. Now I can't do voices because middle brother Joe doesn't like when baby days.

That's not you out, Jesus. That's not a bad guy, you know that right? You're not breaking your balls. You're not a cunt. You're not a bad guy, you know that, right? You're not breaking your balls. You're not a cunt. You're just a fuckhead. You're in that late 20s comedy thing. Like, hey, I stink. Just deal with it.

You got it? That's gonna be my next shirt. It's like me, like, That's what young comics do though. That's you know, comics a lot of them. Like the chick comics, so I'll be like,

sorry, I'm a cunt. And it's like, no, that doesn't make it okay. And the male comics go, I'm just a douche, dude. Boo. It's like no that doesn't make it okay and the mail comics go I'm just a douche dude it's like no better yourself that's gonna be in my head for fucking months right yeah well yeah I think you're right I mean you're you're closer to it than I was I haven't been in that scene you know I don't I would I remember I used to walk around I was I was hate mode fucking all the time in my late 20s, early 30s,

because you'd see these people, I was young, I was fucking, I thought it was a competition, I thought it was, these people were passing you or beneath you or you were doing things and I used to fucking hate people all the time. And then this something happens to you, like you're talking about, we kinda get you shit together, you're better better yourself you realize that you're a piece of

shit you're walking around fucking cocky being a dick to a lot of people and then you lose a couple friends here and there because you're a fucking attitude and people stop talking then your career kind of settles down a little bit and yeah you know and you obviously you realize that this is a business it goes up and down and then and then all of a sudden you you're, uh, you're like, oh, shit, I better have some real friends in my life. Or I'm going to be a fucking lonely piece of shit, you know? So yeah, I, I mean, now the people I have in my life, I'm pretty stable, I think,

you know, that they're my friends. And I don't hate people for what they got to a young comics or for what they got it, what they don't have or, you know, what people, you know, surpass me or, or beneath me. If you're a cool person individually, that's fine with have, or what people surpass me or beneath me. If you're a cool person individually, that's fine with me. That's good with me. And if as long as you don't fucking ask to hit the music at the end of the fucking...

Hit the music! Who's having recently? To worse this weekend. Oh my god. Actually, I give this kid respect, though. He goes, I didn't say not to him, because I don't do that anymore. I don't go fucking. I just, I think it's a challenge. I look at it as a challenge for me now to follow

somebody doing something like that where they hit it was hit the music and they was showing them how black people dance or white people dance and it was killing. Of course it was. Well but I think I look at it as a challenge now. Where's the difference? Where are the other? There is. Black people are different. What? Linda, I'm sorry.

But I look at it as a challenge now. Like, okay, let me go up and I'm going to get, and it was a black, white crowd too. You know, it's a mixed crowd. I'm like, let me get these every single person on my side, on my flow. How fast can I do this? Now I can just go up and have person on my side on my flow. How fast can I do this? Now I can just go up and have them on my side

and now they forget even exist. But he actually came up to me and he goes to last night and he's like, you're gonna get the advice? I go, yeah, you're gonna go to New York, drop that bit. I go, I go, no club in New York is gonna put a CD in for you, my friend. And if you do, you're gonna get smashed. I go, look dude, we all do shit.

We all do shit. You know, that's the best advice Colin Quinn ever gave me, is, you know, not advice, but almost like, I don't know, saying or whatever we said, when you can walk off stage and feel, not feel guilty at all about anything you did, then you're a comic. Then you're doing, you're doing good.

Because we all walk off on a headline set and they're like, ah, fuck, I'm still doing that bit or fuck, I'm still doing that chunk or I said, I said, you know what I mean? Yeah. You know, but he didn't do it. Last show, he just cut it out. And he was like, I didn't do it.

It was fine. Thanks, man. That's great. It was fucking great. Yeah, it was great. Really good. I respected him. He's doing that bit right now. Yeah. He's headlining. It's fucking great. Yeah, it's great. Really good. I respected him. He's doing that bit right now He's headlining he's headlining

He's on local headliner. Would you drop that bit for it to great bit fuck him? What you know what he doesn't even know what he's talking about Does it destroy yeah, then do it yeah, exactly look there is that mentality man I know guys who have that mentality. There is that mentality of if it kills, fucking do it. And it is successful people with that mentality. Oh, yeah.

This successful people who have that fucking mentality where I don't give a fuck to the laugh fuck you. I don't care if it's, and I think, I think in some respects too though, there are some things that people think might think a hack or whatever that aren't you know they mean i mean people gave at least a lamp and ellie shit forever

but she kind of niched out a certain character that she's good at right i mean who else could do what she does and literally commit a hundred percent pinpoint and and and throw away all the fucking bullshit around her as she's becoming this person and then it actually is successful you know what I mean like dice dice did the same thing well there's nothing wrong that

uh... gaffigan told me one i was talking once and he goes uh... he goes dude he goes i know it's like supposedly taboo or whatever to talk about something like hotels like, oh God, how can a comic should do it? He goes, dude, it's a part of my fucking life. I stay in hotels constantly. I'm gonna do seven minutes and exhaust every observation I can think of about it. And then you watch his hotel bit and it's fucking hilarious none of it's like none of it's like you know I don't I don't even know what like the go-to hotel joke would be but I mean every bit is an original yeah every bits original when I hear that guy talk about exactly flying it's all original it's all funny you know it's like it's just if you I forgot David

crossed to airline material it's fucking hilarious, I've heard the fucking most alternative people do fucking hacky topics But you know, you know, it's it's it's funny, but then it's the argument is it is it hacky? It's just a topic. So is it really only hacky if you make it hacky? Now I look I look I have a fucking new Fuck I might be eight minute bit on farting I mean and I know I get it, but fuck you. It's funny. It's, I think it's interesting.

And I say it, I go, I get it. I get, you know, I get some girls, and I, you know, but I think it's fucking funny, dude. And it's from me, I did it. You know, I have this thing of, I farted on a plane and near the bathroom at the back and the flight attendant went, mother fucker. And I was like, I was like, you know,

and it's like, I was like, because a guy came out of the bathroom as I farted. She thought he took a shit and was the perfect gun. And she went, mother fucker. Like literally screamed it out. Like was really pissed off. And I was like, you know, well, think about your job.

What would it take for you to look at a customer in the face and go, motherfucker? It's like, I my asshole did that. And I was like, I was laughing for 20 minutes. Yeah. You made a bright character, I love it. Yeah, so it's like, I mean, yeah, is that fart jokes hacky?

I get, but fuck you. Yeah, but that happened to you. That's a real thing. Right. You know, I mean, yeah, as a fart jokes hacky, I can't put fuck you. Yeah, but that happened to you. That's a real thing. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, it did. I thought like you sat down in a coffee shop and was like, what if I farted in the back of a plane?

It just happened to you. I think, well, I hear, listen, I exactly. Is that how you wrote that joke? No, no, no, no, no. I actually, I had that many fast shit when I went on the many fast, remember that? And I got really terrible gas. It like made me fatter if that's possible. Because it just loaded me, but yeah.

People say don't do shit jokes. I had a bit about shit cramps. And I was like, maybe I shouldn't do this. And I was like, no, it fucking happens to me all the time. I eat like shit right before I go to bed. I wake up with these fucking cramps. It's funny that you do that to yourself Wait a minute. Wait a minute dude. I don't even know I don't know what shit cramps are So wait a minute dude. What what is this shit crap? It's it's when you when when you get that like piercing pain through your abdomen and you're like

Oh boy, and you go and you have to like keep shitting until it goes away and it's from eating like bad food late at night. So wait a minute, so you wake up in the middle of the night and you fuck up your shit system. That usually shits in the morning, you push it, you push the clock ahead because you eat shit food late at night and you wake yourself up because you have to shit. You wake up with pain.

But you, no me, don't. No, not you. Yeah. Yeah. No one else is dead. It wakes you up out of your sleep. It wakes me up out of my sleep. And like the bit was funny,

because I was talking about how it was like this shit, like an alcohol getting the shakes in the middle of the night. Like, you gotta go deal with it. But like, yeah, and like, and then like I would talk about how like, I get it when I have girls over. Right. And I have to like go on the bath

and you have to shit dude, you have to shit like three times. Like it not one one and done right you have to shit and then wait and then they come back And you have to shit again, then you just diarrhea. It's hard well. Yeah, but the Key the key the key The key actually be better to filter it like charcoal The significant thing about it is is the pain. It's not just that if it's just diarrhea I could just lay there and go. I'm not gonna shit right now. I'll deal but like These cramps are like

Like it hurts dudes you got to deal with it And you've had it with a chick over I've had it many times chicks over and I have to run the shower Pretend like I'm taking a shower like four o'clock in the morning What am I gonna do she's gonna gonna know she feels like a whore Like a bathe after we banged Yeah, so but anyway my point is is that You know that was a bit that I was like I don't know if I should shit It's like no, it's part to happen to me. It's funny

But I'm gonna ask no who you are. You're this guy who eats weird stuff like that's that's and you're big and you're Narrative of your set that works perfectly. Yeah, because you'll tell us who you are. Yes. Yes. Yeah, I don't I don't think any I can tell this so Weird to I can listen to a comic and I can tell I I can, I can some comics I'm listening to them and eight minutes later, I'm like, where am I? Like, what happened? Like, is it time, I can't hear anything. I went somewhere else. I didn't stay with them.

I heard a couple lines and then I went away because I know they're just telling jokes. I know they're not sincere. They're just trying to get to the joke. And I respect that because it's hard I know how hard it is to write a joke But there's a difference between somebody who's actually telling me something like about themselves or something They feel like in their brain, you know, where I was I watch Billy

Not to fucking shit up his dick because he doesn't need it, but that dude fucking I'm the best Because he doesn't need it, but Dude, fucking I'm the best. Shit, I'm doing shit. What's that mean? I just fucking, I can't tell him we're coming out of that. I'm about to compliment him. I'm about to say something before I... You get up, you dick right now.

You know, we just can't compliment each other. We have to say something like, oh, fucking, you're a fucking piece of shit right up front. I watched a little bit of a special the other day. Because it're a fucking piece of shit right up front But I watched a little bit of especially the other day Because it was on Netflix. It's right up front. So I put it on there And I I found myself listening Laughing but listening like this is fucking interesting story

Front all of a sudden he draws you in and and then you're in this middle of this thing and then you're at the end of it. You're like, wow, that was like a little fucking, like a little thing out of fucking, you know, time magazine. A story that I went from the beginning middle to end that he took me on. I love that. Like prior used to do that. Patrice did that shit. You know, I like jokes, but I like, I like when somebody's really let me in on how they feel about something. Right. In a funny fucking way and i was saying you laugh and like wow that's fucking that's great that's all of you all in it all you guys that have been our own a for years all of you do that like bear with like bill ck

norton but that's that's the kind of come comedians you guys are yeah but i don't i don't know if that's I mean Well, I like I would say like people consider Nate Bargazio joke teller But I listen to his album and I don't think it is that I think it's it's not basically like that But it's like Nate does jokes, but I was listening to his album like holy shit. He's tag the shit as look at some guys can do it I think Nate can do it well Tell you tell yeah tell does it you you do it. I think Nate can do it well. You tell it. Yeah. Tell does it. You do it. You tell stories, but you're kind of joky too. You have jokes, but you do it in a, you do have that storytelling way too. You're not all one way. I think you have.

But that's, that's the thing is, the whole, the whole point is not, at least to me, the whole point is not, you have to do this certain type of comedy. The whole point is you have to do what's real to you. So a guy like a tell is truly a joke teller. If you talk to a tell in life, that's how he talks. He says things and you're like, is that a bit? And he's like, no, that's how he talks.

But it's like, but you learn about a tell by watching. You learn about Russ Maniv by watching Russ. Russ is awesome by Nate. You know, those guys you learn, Regan is another, Regan is a prime example of a guy where I'm like, where people go, how come Regan's able to get away with talking about like cereal shit? It's like, did you listen to Regan? You learn so fucking much about who he is. And there's like a fucking disdain through all of his jokes where he doesn't come on go, fuck you. But he comes out and he goes and like,

I heard him talking about cup sizes once and he was just talking about how like, they're all free refills, but like, they're all different prices. And the fucking hatred behind the show, I'm going like, oh man, it's like the biggest. You know what I'm like, the big fucking.

Behind that voice you're right is just like this fucking pure go fuck yourself. Yeah, yeah, so it's like you hear, you learn about that dude, you're like, I get who this guy is, but then, but what I think what you're saying, right? What Bobby's saying is that, there are guys that go up there and it's just horseshit.

It's just horseshit. They just talk and the whole goal is just look at my clever or look at the story I completely made up that you know isn't fucking true. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, I'm not just a tell for that. Like sometimes when I know someone's telling bullshit is when they go You know what I like to do. I like to do this and you're like this gets so mad at that

Like they don't fucking do that. They don't fucking do that. Yeah, like there's something look I don't hate them. I really I don't I don't get mad at people anymore about that shit But I've tried to watch like I've tried to watch certain people people. Like I gotta see what's going on with this person and I just, I disappear, I just go away. It's like fucking, you know, watching a foreign film. Man, I can watch it, but halfway through, I don't know what the fuck's going on. I don't know what happened at the beginning.

You know what I mean? But there's certain guys that you're just like, Jesus man, you know, wow, I just learned something. Like I just, I love when people listen, man. I like when people laugh, but when people are listening to what you're saying, you can tell because some people don't agree with you. You'll say something on stage and some people will be like, you'll see people like shaking their head or people shaking their head up and down.

Some people like, I got your fans and like, I know what you're saying. But Some people like, I got your fans, I know what you're saying, but some people like, I don't, what the fuck, what? Do you have any say something and have a crowd look in the crowd and they're like, what the fuck do you, what do you mean? And then you have to explain it and then they go, oh, I like that. Because I feel like you're talking to them.

You're actually getting personal with an audience as opposed to just going up there, leaving the mic in the stand and rattling off 45 minutes, and that's what bugs me too. I guess this headline is that do 45 minutes, because you know, I've been shown up at these clubs and like, what's how much you're doing? You're gonna do 45.

I'm like, I'm headlining, I'm doing an hour. You're doing 10, you're doing 20, and I'm doing an hour, that's what I'm supposed to do, right? But I guess it's people that do 45 minutes and get the fuck off stage. I was at college the other night and I was I was that you know the closer on the show and the kid was like How much time do you want to do and I was like I don't know like I guess an hour I guess right and He's like okay because you can you know if you want to just do like 25 that's my god I was like I don't understand wait He's like, okay, because you can you know if you want to just do like 25 that's my god

I don't understand we What do you think that's a do you think that's a part of like the new YouTube generation that they don't I know I think there's guys out there that don't have an hour. Yeah that that are fucking because of what they've done on TV Or you know, or their acts you can't look I'm not I'm not saying that people suck because they don't because people like them Certain comics people they have more followers than me man people they sell out shows better than me So you know there you go. I'm not gonna say I'm better than them or my taste is better than them But you can't watch them for an hour they you can't go for an hour because people will just shut the fuck down. I mean, you can't, I mean, that's my opinion. I know, you're right.

You're right. Yeah, I can watch a guy, I can watch Bill Cosby for an hour. I can watch Seinfeld for fucking 20 minutes, 30 minutes, and I'm done. I'm out, I get it, I get it. I can watch Seinfeld for an hour. That's because you're a fucking dweeb, but I can't watch other guys a lot of other guys like I watch Jeff Dunham for hours. Yeah, like voices. Well, that's not there. But he's there. Yeah, like that. I don't know if I can watch that. You know what I fucking watched the other night. I was laughing my balls off. I watched Bailey's

Ben Bailey special. Yeah. And at the beginning, he was talking about the cash cap stuff. And Ben's our friend, you know, like, but I. But I think for yourself. I'm good, I love Ben. But I was a little bit weary, not that I don't think Ben's funny. But I was a little weird to be here. I was like, oh, he's gonna have to play it real safe because the cash cap thing, he's not gonna be able to go too far.

Right. And then like, after his initial cash cap stuff, he started talking about how he's like, one day I'm going to drive that van into the fucking river. Right. He started going like, like, comic on it. Yeah. It was like, and I was killing me, dude. It was so, it was a fucking great special man. It was really funny. Bailey's one, he, like, he's a private example. He's a joke writer that tells stories. Like, he'll take his story or an opinion or a hatred and talk about it and it's

very joky. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think, I don't know. I think you have to learn how to do all of it, but there's certain guys that I like to let's do. And it's weird too.

These fucking, these guys in the road i feel so bad for these guys you really if you want to be a stand-up comic you really gonna move to new york or l.a. i mean you or you're gonna be in the middle of this country middleing on you know weekends and headlining on wednesdays and sundays when the headliner can i mean these these guys out there

that i've been doing it just as long as me if not longer okay that are doing a set to get to their fucking t-shirt joke so they can make an extra five hundred seven t-shirts oh my god this kid last night uh... you know what i don't want to trash and but

yeah yeah no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no, no, no, nobody listens to this. He's a nice kid. Is he Neil? Yeah, you know, it's funny. He thinks this is Rogan's podcast. We're not changing lives. Watch this. My mother's a cunt. She's nothing. She's never going to know. Never.

Nobody for my family follows anything I do. But I do like the thought of after the show last night. He's like, I actually do want to tell him a little, I used to love him on the podcast. He's going to listen to what he sees, Jim. I know. Well, no, this kid actually did tell me he goes, I don't really do want to tell him I used to love him on the podcast. He's going to listen to anybody see Jeff. I got it. This kid actually did tell me he goes, I listened to all the ONAs in the podcast that you're on.

Everything mentioned this one. Right. So he's going to come here. Yeah. This is the only one. Yeah. Let's not get carried away. I know you did something with Bill before that don't count.

Why? It don't. This was the first dude. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Real Joe. That don't count why it don't this was the first dude Real Joe Joe get keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep keep I reckon I know if he's in New York, I reckon I know who the kid is. No, he doesn't live in New York, he just happened in New York. Okay. But anyway, he came up to me and he just kept talking to me about how much merch he sold after the show and I go, all right, and he goes, I had a few pops in me, I'm not going to lie.

And he goes, he comes up to me in the bar, the after bar, he goes Bro get so much merch. I sold it. Oh shit real confident. I go how much he goes 37 pieces and I go that's great. He goes look at this dude and he pulls the water money out and I go That's great. I don't merge money goes. Yeah, I go. Let me see that Throw it on the fucking ground What are you doing man? What are you doing I was waiting for a Mac of it or a rain if I knew him better you would a rather smack it or rained it But I was like I don't know this kid well, I, I'm not gonna put my hands on him in any way.

Look, man, here's a deal. That makes me sick, and that's... This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is.

This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is.

This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is. This is what the problem is. without no it was a showcase show so he who's he's so much better the air festivals the air festival all that said but i mean he he made more money than anybody like without question because he's the only one that's all my yeah well here's a deal though i mean i don't mind that if you're on a fucking equal show sell whatever you got yeah out i like like we sold

merch at the fucking show us three the you y k w d merch my point is but here's the thing I don't care that he sold the murt good for you buddy right my point is is like dude stop acting like this is about merch right now like you were saying about the t-shirts that was the reason I brought it up yeah he was acting like a douchebag you he needed someone to put him into place and that were you the guy who did that was good good good you know, Joe. Kelly wants to fuck Joe. Kelly wants to fuck Joe. Kelly wants to fuck Joe. Kelly wants to fuck Joe. Kelly wants to fuck Joe.

Kelly wants to fuck Joe. Kelly wants to fuck Joe. Kelly wants to fuck Joe. Buddy, you met the guy that I'm saying. Are you seeing someone? Yeah. I met him. You met him.

When? At the cell phone. I dropped books off. What do you look like? You didn't tell me that was him. He's real, all looking well. No, I didn't tell you. He's got a beard. Yeah. Kelly's in a bear. Kelly real looking really good. He's got a beard.

Yeah. Cali's in a bear. Cali's dating a bear. Cali's dating a bear. Oh, shut up, idiots. That's the worst channel ever. Cali has a dick. Cali has a dick.

Cali has a dick. You got a lot of chance. Cali's boyfriend's a fake. Cali's boyfriend's a fake. Cali's boyfriend's a fake. I'm not all right. Sit down, you bunch of boys. I'm a Cal so bad. Kelly's boyfriend's a fake. Kelly's boyfriend's a fake. Kelly's boyfriend's a fake. I'm not alright. Settle down your bunch of my- I'm a Kelly's boyfriend.

I'm a Kelly's boyfriend. Kelly, what? You totally would, you love it. It was great. I just had to get myself out. It's good, nice, a coppinda. What? It's a coppinda.

Kelly's boyfriend's a fake. Kelly's boyfriend's a bag! Kelly's boyfriend's a bag! Yeah! He's gonna love, he's gonna be really feel real like what they've got to do. That's funny. I had somebody send me this today. It's a photo of somebody. It's a photo of George Carlin that was sent to e-rock

uh... signed to e-rock from the own a-shot and it says keep kicking in the nuts uh... that was that's what he said to people i know but it's so funny that you got that tattooed like it's your saying that he said to you no no that's not what i got a tattooed on me

i got a tattoo because it was the it was the the way he closed the conversation and then I saw him say I always tell comedians that and he was my favorite so I was like oh I'm going to get that on my own. That goes you're trashy. That's one way to fucking. You really just took you to hell. He licked his fucking index finger in his thumb and put that fuse right out. You fucking douche lips.

Oh, good for you. Oh, that felt good. They just ruined it. No. So I'm coming up out of the subway today. And there was a million of these little flyers on the ground. And I looked, and this is what a piece of shit I am. Pass that back to me, too, I'm going to read it.

I look on the ground, and the word, anytime I see the word erotic, I'm in. I'm to read it. I look on the ground and the word anytime I see the word erotic I'm in I'm fucking reading it and I'm stopping. I'm fucking in and I picked one of these up and Dan. Will you read that to everybody? Dovelyse H production has enterprise Presence Erotic manage Hosting erotic gatherings private upscale events

Fettish he do it big J because you know he's going to this. Yeah, it's probably hosting it All sexual orientations are welcome Age productions offers internships of all ass. That's the best part What is they ask about fuck they're talking about fuck parties and then the paragraph under is like, age production offers internships of all aspects of production and post-production. Oh shit. So they literally, that is fucking great.

They advertise internships and fuck parties on the same page. That's gotta be for, that's gotta be a porno thing. That's gotta be, yeah. That's got, it's this post-production. That's gotta be, Mr. Jones. That's gotta be that there should be more. Those are black dude, passin' them out, but. That's got to be Mr. Jones. That's got to be that there's a black dude

Passing them out, but he didn't look like he was in porn. He looked like he'd you get paid to pass these things out But I'm saying I bet that that what that is is you get in there and they go to here's what it is It's fucking porn. We're gonna shoot it really you out So it's not a party that we can all go to after the fucking podcast and I got Kelly get a fucking ass lick by a fucking Arab and watch Kelly get her fucking ass licked by her fucking Arab Just some gristle fucking Arab with a scar from one ear to the corner of his mouth There's a catch nothing nothing like that is free dude nothing like that comes for free You know back in the day it did though. Yeah, so did eight They had back on the day. This is a fish like where you throw your car keys in the fish bowl.

Yeah, certain fuck. I don't know. I just don't know about those. Yeah, the movie ice storms. You fucking home. Oh, they do that in ice storm. Yeah, I always wanted to see that movie. I never saw it. Yeah, they come in. They put that would have been a fucking great joke. If you did, I fucking took a hot one I storms you fucking faggot. I just look like a fucking racist Well, we never saw the movie They all go in and they put their keys in and whoever's key you have to go home with that person It was like in watchman didn't they do that much in watchman? Yeah, or was it a different watchman?

You want to talk about a fucking boring Borefest watchman the movie was one of the most boring fucking movies ever. You gotta be, you're out of your mind. It was worth it just seeing a blue cock. They finally showed cock on film and didn't, didn't try to hide it. Watch boardwalk and buy it. They had that and it was like the fucking, perfect dick every guy wants.

All right. Perfect hang, not too big, not too small. But five minutes after you got over how funny that was, the movie started funny. What are you talking about? A Rodic after you came all over yourself. Yeah, there was three more hours of movie, that movie fucking sucked me.

Yeah, I liked it too. How great was, Lord Shack. He was awesome. He was great. And what a comeback in a career man he's in everything and he's in the new link in movie and he was in a great movie um... he was in a great tv series that was a comic book uh... thing last year

that they just casted the wrong lead man i forget what was the name of it i forget the name of the show but he was good and that yeah it was uh... he was bad-ass motherfucker he was a computer genius in the show. But he's, excuse me, he was, um, yeah, he was, but he was a bad ass. He was cool as shit. And, and, and like, I think one of the thing that the mob guys were after him, and the

like, we're gonna, we're gonna break your fucking legs. We're gonna beat the shit out. He's, hey, go ahead, do what you gotta do. But just know this. I'll heal. And when I get, when I come back, I'm gonna fucking take everything you have. I'm gonna erase your wife's identity, your identity, your kid like you never existed.

And I did all this crazy stuff. If anyone tried me with that, I'd be like, I'm so sorry. That's some scary shit. I'd rather take a fucking bullet in the chest than having your identity erased. Nope. You can't fly.

I have to go do a fucking show and fought a lot of it in Provin. I can't go. Get him rent the car. Have to hitch fought a lot of it in Provin. I can't go. Get him rent the car. Have to hitchhike. I love that that's what you were worried about. I love that your family would never remember you. Your wife would remember you.

Like just like. Their minds aren't being erased. He was clearly talking about just the identities. But then if he's identity got erased, he wouldn't have a family. It's just Kelly, really? What? What?

Well, I'd love to defend I Was one of the dumbest things I fucking hold it. I'm sorry guys What are we talking about what happened oh my god. Sorry. I'm sorry guys. What are we talking about? What happened? Oh my god. Sorry Joe. Um, no. I'm sorry. I'll just shut up for the next five minutes as punishments. He's honest.

Right. I fucking love it when Joe turns like that. It's fucking awesome. Joe has the prettiest eyes in the world. I can find sleep in him. I asked him. I told him. I said, change your glasses, dude. I get the glasses, Joe. Dude, I get compliments on these glasses. Hold tight.

And right. Who tells you like- What are you talking about? You look so much better when you had black glasses. Literally everybody tells me these glasses. The Rosa, I like those glasses on you. Everybody. I remember you'll box and hide it in the box.

You know why? Because they cut his eyes off. You're right. I told you, I said to you, I go, dude, you gotta get glasses that show you a beautiful fucking eyes. And you went out and got those and I fell in love. And look, look. You know what he did? Bobby was a bunch of, Bobby was a bunch of, Bobby was a bunch of, and you know, did you lick those beautiful lips that you have? I tossed it up with you. Wow. No. I think I meant some heart too too. You've got LLKJ lips. Oh, yeah. I just got nice lips and nice feet.

You've got real nice feet. Ooh, that's not an even more. That's not an even more. Playing the Ivan Friends with Ivan Friends with Bobby Longer card. I've seen his feet. I haven't seen his feet. They're very well like.

My lips look like no stead skin. They're very well manicured. I thought you were losing some chinails. Well, one toenail is dead. Real bleak. Now, you know what I did when I was hiking? I stubbed my toe real bad and it went black. And it's like, it's never coming back.

It's still black. Like I think it's going to have to like, fall off or something, right? Get a nice horn on there. Yeah, to fall off and then grow back. Yeah, it grows into a horn first. And then it goes. It's a horn.

I mean, people like lose their toenails and they go into like a little horn and that falls off and then you back. Yeah, it went into a horn first. What's a horn? I mean, people like lose their toenails and go into like a little horn and that falls off and then you get the toenail again. I'm not allowed to talk for five minutes. I'm sorry. Five. You know what I've seen? Those horrible toes people have?

No. Well, you'll see it soon. It'll go on on you. Well, here's the thing. I really do hate people who are confident with their fucking like with their like they're missing of like five like they're missing like a few toes What's their foot is fuck that I was at the airport dude

I saw some lady with a fucked up foot and she had flip flops on oh there were like barely hanging on She had like Jimmy she had a Jimmy her own little flip flop mechanism Yeah, her know, like a husband made like, like, like, he called me garage all afternoon. I almost got it, honey. Yeah. It's a let you wear your flip flops again. But I have like one toe, but that one toe is painted really, really, really lovely. It was all was shit or two toes of mush together. And it was just fucking gross. Where are

fucking shoe, honey? Was it a deformity or should you just have a dandruff? The formity. Maybe. Yeah, hide that shit. Don't be confident. In high school, I dry humped a chick with that only had two fingers.

Really, like a lobster hand? She had a permanent hang loose. Really? Yeah. But I never knew. We dry humped her. Yeah, it was like high school. I think it was like, I don't know.

I mean, I came. I was back when you could come from dry hunting. I was on the road once. My buddy Travis and another comic. I can't remember who the other comic was, but we were in Jersey. And there was three of us. We met these three chicks.

And one of the chicks had only like three fingers on one hand, like this lobster claw hand. And we all hooked up and Travis ended up with her. And these girls slept over. We were on the same room. It was like old school, like, you know. And they all left the next day. We go Travis, what's up, man?

And he goes, do you guys ever get a hand job from a chick with three fingers? You're free. You're free. It has a great story. Yeah. That is a a great story. Yeah. That is a fucking awesome story.

Yeah. He just was like, fucking, I don't care. I did this hot chick, man. I actually coated this bitch. Coordered? Yeah, a quarter. I went out with her for fucking two weeks and blonde. I mean, natural blonde though.

Like platinum, real blonde, never dyed her hair. It wasn't this fake shit. She was like an original, she was dizzy, like Malarman row too. She was like, just like old Hollywood fucking bimbo. You know what I mean? Oh, big juicy real tits. You want an Anderson?

Yeah, but stupider, just dumber. You know, and she lived in like a crappy part of town with her mom, so she, you know, she's a little, she's a little poor, which made her, you know, a self-esteem with shitty. I remember I fond love of this, broad. And we made out for the first night. And then she goes, did it, as soon as we stopped, she goes, did it bother you? I go, what? She goes, my tooth. I go, no, what are you talking about? She went, she went, look, and she pointed to the roof of her mouth. Oh my God. Oh, she had one, you know, you know, the, you know, the fang tooth. Yeah. She had a fang tooth growing out of the roof. Oh, all right.

And I'm here in the roof. Yep. Right in the roof of her mouth. There was a fucking. How is that possible? I fucking dead twin her sister I don't know dude she had to get it removed but it was too late for me. I was already I was out I was why did she tell you about it because she thought she was probably insecure about it Well, yeah, I'm just in her fucking freak of nature And I make out like Prince I fucking You know I might get that tongue up and I make I like prints, I fuck it up. No, no, no, no, no, no. You know, I might get that tongue up,

but I make it, I make it check suck my tongue like a dick, you know, and she probably thought I felt it and was like, what the fuck is that? Clong on your tongue. Yeah, I was like, my tongue's kept getting hooked inside her mouth. You're like, and I'm cool. Am I bleeding off the tip of my tongue?

That's disgusting. I know, fucking gross, right? Yeah. But I mean, I don't know. That's like shark teeth. She got to removed. She got. Yeah, that's not there's worse things.

I could deal with that. Yeah, but not really. If you saw it, dude, you'd be like, oh God. What the fuck is that? Yeah, but if you couldn't feel it. And then, well, after that, you could. Oh, you're looking for it. well, after that you could. Oh, you're looking for it. Oh, after that you could, because we hooked up again,

and this is what bugged me too, she wore Nylons in the summer. But the skin tone ones, like the, like you can't see. This is the worst, yeah. I don't fuck, yeah, I don't trust that shit, man. I like Bros it wear Nylons. There's no need for that that unless you go to a wedding

Or something and if the winter you know where fucking nylon skin color ones Yeah, if you go into the races the horse racing That what why are you guys? I'm not saying anything. I'm just waiting for you to finish your thought. What do you mean? Because what finish it? No, I think when you go to the horse racing, you have to wear a skin gel and not. I think. I don't need to.

I mean, that was so bad, I really don't, I don't get it. What was it? Because the horse races, all right, I get, there's horse races. The thing when you go, you have to get dressed up and you're in a women, I have to go and really, really dress up.

See, I don't want to be featured in that. I thought that I said, to go really just uh... i don't want to be i realize it was stupid and i don't want to finish it we should have a fucking a delay on your microphone that only goes to you so you can listen to yourself and catch your own horse ship before you say it i'm sorry i'm listening i want to go back to that guy from fucking from that movie uh... who was a shack

yeah that guy was you know who he was right he was uh in uh bad news bears he was Kelly no he wasn't Kelly he was the smaller one he was Kelly's the bad news bears don't tell me that was my childhood well I thought he was the bad kid he's the bad kid Kelly's got the dirt bike oh yeah the picture changes everything I thought he was He looks exactly the same if you watch it now. You're like, oh, yeah, that's him. And that that back in the day when that that type of ugly was cute. Remember that fucking kind of dirty bread headed fucked up to the Zit phase guy was the in thing. Yeah, he was an awesome actor back then. He was good in bad news bears. He played great, a little punk, but then he disappeared.

He was in a few other things here and there, and then he went by-by, and I was like, I get it. He had fucking, he had really bad acne, terrible acne. And when he got older, it got worse. He had fucked up teeth. He wasn't a good looking guy. Then all of a sudden, he comes back in that fucking movie, watchman.

No, little children. That was the one. Yeah, he would play the charm Alistair in little he played chalve for an Oscar and then that was like in little children. Yeah, everybody was like holy shit What a story bad news bears. It's that kid. I saw him. I didn't know that I saw him in watch and I was fucking blown away Yeah, he got watchman because of that no shit Freddie Kruger because of that like he was great and Freddie Kruger Tim is awesome. It's that that movie suck but he was good it didn't suck the movie suck it didn't I have to agree I don't think it was as good as it could have been I you know when they do a remake of something like that of something that that epic like they did Batman they they do anything they do a

remake you need to come out fucking strong and with a movie like that they didn't come out nightmare and almsdreet you're gonna do it they didn't go in another direction if they went in other direction with it i think it would have been a better movie they tried to remake it okay and they fucking fell short it wasn't scary at all

at all the first one was fucking scary, man. Listen, I stuck, let me just, you fucking fare where the friends are. I'm a fucking nerd, which you like that. I stuck with the Nightmare on Alamed Street series all the way through Freddie versus Jason. And let me tell you something, when part four, five, six, seven, and eight stink,

that fucking remake was a goddamn masterpiece. I was like, thank God that he's made a scary Freddie movie again. He's not making fucking jokes and sh- Ha ha ha. You're as a part four, he was like turning people in the meatballs and eating them That was like something they did it for that recipe for You're just so relieved that they weren't doing that anymore. I just scared the fuck out of me with me

The Rosy is so fucking funny man. Oh, that's great. You are you committed to horror films Dude that you understand how fucking do retain the fucking meatball. Who think is just fucking hilarious to me. Yeah, they really did make him a just an asshole. He became an asshole. And the first one, he was a demon. He was a terrible. He's scaring the second one too. Everybody shits on night and night and street two. It's fucking way better than most of the other ones, man, because he's still scary. And night and street three is good, but that's where it starts to he's still scary. And Nymar actually threes good, but that's where it starts to get a little goofy.

And then four, it just goes off the fucking trash. What's the one with the kid? What do you mean? The kids and all of them dummy and what he does. No, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, I think I really think Joe has come into his own and just take over this. I should step down. I think this should be Joe Do you know what do you podcast with Joe Derosa?

I would fucking I'll be coned and take them a little bit Wait, what do you mean the one with the kid? I'm a daughter in one of them. That's the dream child dream child That one sucks. Yeah, dick. It's so bad, but here's thing Dream job. That one sucks. Yeah. Dick. It's so bad. But here's the thing. Oh, Robert England said very interesting. I watched the interview with him where he said, um, he said they shot two versions of every kill. They put buttons on it.

He goes every time Freddie kills me, they put a button on the scene to wrap up the scene. He goes, we shot two versions of every one of those scenes through all the movies where one was funny and one was sinister. And he goes, sure enough, as Hollywood always does, they picked the fucking funny one to make it less freaky and creepy, whatever. And he was very disappointed about that. He's like, so it made it go in this whole other direction. Well, there's no, when is it gonna be another Friday 13th?

Nightmare on Alms Street, Halloween. Are you talking about like a brand new franchise? When is it gonna be another franchise? Paranormal activity was kind of the newest one. I guess you're right, I guess you're right, but it's like, I mean what was the last time you started a scary movie? Dude, in city, you could even sit through it. Yeah, in city as fuck fuck what was that one? Scariest this This motherfucker just fucking amused face. I couldn't watch that shit during the day. What is it?

It's a fuck we talked about it on the show. They have day ghosts Day demons man. You can't fuck with day ghosts. No, I didn't even know that's a real thing dude Day demons man, you can't fuck with day ghost. No, I didn't even know that's a real thing dude Who's in it? Oh, Patrick the guy from fucking watch man and little children. Yeah, he's right. Whatever's faith Patrick Wilson Yeah, I don't know his name, but yeah, I'm talking about the guy plays the Batman guy I'm Kelly get on the fucking computer. Yeah, yeah Wilson or whatever's name. Yeah, He's a star Rose Burns plays his wife and The lady from King pins in it. Can you stop her second? Really? Yeah, she's in it Can we Kelly opens a computer every week and never uses it you don't bring it

Well, you got it you should ask for it. I Mean literally there's your computers on the table. You guys are going, what's his name? She can literally go. Boom, boom, boom. His name is blah, blah, blah, and we'd fucking go forward. It's what Australia is. What?

He thinks it serves a purpose. He's got a fucking float there. Nobody cares. He's a whole country floats. I'd love to sink it. fucking floats there nobody cares He's in their whole country floats I love the sink I'd love to sink that fucking country That fucking shitty stupid reef they have So in city is it city is it's about it starts out as a haunted house There's something going on in their fucking house. They don't know what's up. Yeah

and and it just unravels from there They just them trying to figure out what's going on. It's like polar guys like that kind of thing, okay, but But dude, it's fucking scary. Do you see it Linda? It's creepy scary dude Okay, I'm gonna take a lot of yeah, you can go you instant watch. Yeah, there's just a lot of that'll be a nice sleepers night on the road Yeah, I fucking dude it can it can it fuck it freaked me out bad man He I told him to watch I go dude you ain't get freaked out watching cities He texted me for days like I watch another 20 minutes like I had to stop like I can't is it that bad Bobby Let me tell you something that movie fucked that movie fuck I had to watch it in pieces. I had to stop like I can't. Is it that bad, Bobby? Let me tell you something, but that movie fucked,

that movie fucked, I had to watch it in pieces. I couldn't watch it total. I don't want it, because I didn't think it was gonna be that scary to begin with, and then it really just catches you. And they have some shit that, you know, like that day ghost, man, this is a certain thing where it's the middle of the day, and some shit happens,

and I was like, fuck, I like, like You know I have to stop and I you know I'm a pussy when it comes to that shit anyways. I am a fucking coward when it comes to ghosts and spirits I'm a real big scaredy-cat. Yeah, I I'm a bitch Yeah, it was fucked up and yeah, and yeah that movies that movies nuts, but what I mean what the fuck out I've been looking for a horror movie and everyone I watch on Netflix just fucking stinks that guy just did a movie called Sinister that's supposed to be awesome. It's out in the theater now. That's one of Ethan Hawke Yeah, you know, I want a goddamn

Exorcism movie that's good. Oh, how bad was the last exorcism? I want it to throw what the chick was on the fucking The fake documentary one the manory one. Oh my god. That at potential, though. Jared Logan told me he thought it was awesome. I was punched him in his fucking face. It was literally one of the worst horror movies I've ever seen in my life.

The ending of that movie was fucking terrible. It was, every time I say fuck, by the way, I wanna give a dollar to charity. I wanna stop saying fuck. A dollar? Yeah. No, it's $0.25. $0.10. I wanna give a dollar to charity. I want to stop saying fuck a dollar. Yeah, no 25 cents 25 cents Ten cents. I want to give ten cents to charity. Why do I say it a lot? I'm gonna cut it in deep I'm gonna sell my house. Yeah, you got fucking 40 Mac new things for Apple every time I see him

It's like I don't know if I donated dollar or something Last exorcism suck dude the exorcist is the only exorcism. Yeah, it's unbelievable. That's not true. That is so not true. Exorcist 3 is just as scary as Exorcist 1. Exorcist 3 is not as scary. It is.

I love Exorcist 3. It's not as scary, but it is just is justice scary and the acting in that fucking movie Damn it Ten cents the acting in that movie is Amazing is amazing between the priest And when he when he when he turns into the guy into the priest and then to George C. Scott who has to have this argument with Satan and then the guy and that guy is a great idea that's your boy

uh... that's what's his face that's chucky that's fucking bread bread who's also whatever's name is your you have you have internet yeah what's his name right or a i love c kelly look how awesome that was you went right in boom come on but jorge c scott in that movie when he starts coming on hinged yeah god damn it

I'm here one for me that great yeah X-Sister Axis history caught me by surprise like a motherfucker Oh shit how about the bitch on the ceiling the bitch of the ceiling and then this is the scariest part of the movie that part Fuckin freak me out. Oh man. I'm watching that shit. I'm working at I'm working at this mental retarded home Yeah, when I used to have to stay overnight. Yeah, and I'm this is on I'm like I fuck I saw two I'm like two is gonna the fucking what is that one called? The heretic to her it takes sucked to terrible. Oh God it sucked

Uh, and then I'm like three. Let me check this out. Why though. Can I tell you real quick? Why? Because he didn't what if I said no Well, this you'll appreciate this. I know I know I'm just saying what if I said no? I don't know It was just sucked and it would just yeah, what's up? Go ahead tell me William Peter Blattie wrote the exercise the book right and the his his novel that was exorcist the book right and His his novel that was the sequel was called Legion right and the demon says that at the end of exercise I am Legion because we are many or whatever which is so creepy when he taught when the demon says that there's a few of them. Yeah Anyway, his book Legion it was the sequel to the exorcist and

That's why the exorcist three is awesome because it's book based on his sequel to the extra cysts. And that's why the extra is three is awesome, because it's based on his other book. The extra is two, they were just like, let's just make a sequel. And it's like, no, it's like, no, you can't. You're trying to make Spider-Man without Stanley right now. You're not in there, like it doesn't work. Anyway, sorry.

No, no, so that's true. But the newest Spider-Man didn't have involvement with Stanley. No, it did, I'm just saying it's like, it's called a fucking allergy Now, geez cool, too Just kidding. I don't know. I'm just joking. The roast is on fire He gets right back in the pocket. You have a motorcycle outside or a bicycle

I gotta do oh it ain't a bar of water y'all I'm gonna get slammed in there so I'm trying to get my fucking Get my ego upright Yeah, this is your tune up fight I real quick We if you guys want to help out the podcast you guys want to support the show make sure to go to riot cast.com slash Robert Kelly Use the Amazon button anything you buy off Amazon in this stuff. I talk about tech talk Anything you need you can get off Amazon use our Amazon link from our page on riotcast We get a little percentage you get the shit you want to fill the hole of loneliness and Amazon makes a little money It's a win win win and if you are a game guy go to gamefly.com slash ykwd. Is that correct?

Does that link correct? Correct? Does that link correct? Mm-hmm. Uh, uh, YKW, slash YKW, and join up. If you go to that link and join there, you get two weeks free, which is a 22.95 value, two weeks free, gamefly.com is the Netflix of gaming. It's way better than going out and spending $60 on a game

that you might not like, you might like, you can get whatever game you want up to two games, play them, return them, keep them, buy them. It's unbelievable. If you're a gamer, you have Xbox, you have Sony, you have Wii, whatever the fuck you got, go to gameply.com slash YKW. Again, help us out, help the show out, help yourself out and help that fucking beautiful company, Gamefly, 10 cents. I know, I know, I know. So that's it right there. Well, you can point, well point will you using your fucking long fingers of You didn't finish your story about the exercise three. I'm in the watching this. I was like fuck it. Let me just throw this horse shit on Holy fuck. I remember I called Dane. I was like Dane

Turn this shit on it was back when I was in Boston, I'm like, turn this on, and we're watching it together. And it was like, what the fuck is this? And then that scene, where there's one scene in the Xs3. Don't ruin it. Don't ruin it. But it is, you're like, what the fuck?

Like I jumped. Is that on Netflix? Yeah, one of the retarded guys came downstairs. What the fuck? What the fuck? I swear to God, like I screamed. And the guy came downstairs and thought I was being attacked. I couldn't, I was, and this was back when TV, you either shut it off or you watched it.

There was no pausing, rewinding. You had to fucking just watch it. I remember the lights off, it was a fucking nightmare. That movie is scary. But they haven't made a fucking, I mean, Insidious was great. But what else? Well, Saul was the,

Saul and Paranormal activity were the last big franches. But I hear you. Do we need another, we need another, I hate it, Saul. We need another. That's like Sherlock Holmes. But the guy that did Saul did Insidious. Okay, he did a good movie then. Right.

Insidious, but Saul, fuck you, I don't like, I don't like shit that I gotta figure it out, the fuck off. And I just don't like, like just like mastermind serial killer, horror, like I like supernatural demon-y. So I'd like another monster series. You're talking about a series based on a supernatural monster. Yeah, like a Freddie Krueger or something like that. That's what I'm saying. I would like another like a psycho who can't be killed, but he's human. So it should be able to be killed.

That's great. But he's not. You know, there's something wrong with this fucking guy. What did you think of the Halloween remake by Rob Zombie? Because I like I like them. They really I like two better than one. See I never saw it to I only saw the first one But I liked the first two was with the mask Right, yeah, the first one he didn't have the mask till the end the mask actually kind of was interesting I love that backstory that he played. I didn't I don't remember that. What was yeah? He made masks a little Mike Myers made these masks I remember Yeah

But I'm trying to think where am I thinking of because I know it was just a, oh, never mind. The actual mask they used was just a William Shatter mask from the 70s. Yeah, but they, but what happened when he was, when he was in the asylum, he would make these masks. And it was kind of a cool backstory of why he wore a mask. His new movie looks scary as shit. What is it, Rob Zombie? Yeah, it's called Lords of Salem. What is it about? It's about this check that starts having all these visions

of like the Salem witch trials and like all these devil visions and shit. It looks fucking scary. I watched the trailer freaking out, really bad. I watched it. Here's the thing, I watched these shows. Any show on TV, the haunting or something like that that i watch and they do the reenactments and they're always bullshit they're always bullshit but there's one show i think

it's paranormal's uh... encounter what the fuck it's called uh... but though i mean they should take all that information all these stories from these families uh... excuse these stories from these families, excuse me, these families, and make one of those fucking things

where a family moves in and some shit starts happening and someone gets fucking possessed and just some evil shit goes down, but keep it in reality to demons and ghosts, to what we really know. Stop making it a cloud form, you know, that cloud ghost at the end that, grrr, fuck off.

You know what I mean? I'm just laughing because you were saying like it's always a family that moves in. It's never like an apathetic bachelor. It's like, shut up! Like just fucking banging around the apartment. Listen, she left me. Donna doesn't love me anymore. I haunt away.

Because you know what's more haunting, the divorce proceedings I'm going through. Yeah, there's never a new, it's never a townhouse. Yeah. Well, this is actually just remodel. You know what else, never gets haunted, the projects. Oh, I think we're running a bit That would be funny if they had they did they did

I was the black Tails in the hood There's a clown one But I mean there's a there's a movie about a clown demon and I was like alright this I'm in Then he's just like haunts these like gangsters in the projects and I was like it's like makes it not as cool to me It's also like when they do a hard movie about like the mafia They did a vampire movie about the mafia with Robert Losey and I was like Robert Losey. It's just like something. It's too like grounded

Robert Losey. Although thinner has the mob and it's thinner's a fucking Oh, it's even King's thinner. Yeah, thinner's awesome. Well, I look that's a that is a fucking I like I like when they just go fucking and they keep it in reality with like a ghost A possession I like to like keep it real well, but it's got to be it has to you know what I'm saying it has to be where you know I can suspend reality enough that I've heard this I've heard this shit on real shows Yeah, with that this somehow on real shows. Yeah. With that, this somehow might be true. Of course, okay, maybe it's not, but it's, you know,

and then they always go too big at the end with the special effects. Keep the special effects down. Make it some fucking creepy shit like insidious. When they show that kid that day ghost, I don't know if I've ever been scared. That's like holy shit. and it just came out of nowhere Yeah, and it wasn't too big and it wasn't as a huge effect

It was probably just a kid with white paint or something, you know, you know, you know, I mean Yeah, it's fucking scary shit, man. I wish they do that. I would love to make a horror movie I think we make a great horror movie cheat the horror movie. No I'm working on a screenplay with my buddy and we're almost done, but it's scary. Is it? It's really scary. What's it about? You can't tell. I don't want to say, but it's anthology movie. There's four stories. That sort of all I don't like that Why? I just don't like that. Is that like is that like that fucking Tarantino movie the four rooms?

We're perfection would be the other yeah bill now no those one story it's one story pop this is yeah but is this pulp fiction

for different story but they all go together well they intertwined at some point yeah well yeah i mean i mean i think we like tells in the crypt and tells i didn't have a lot of tails But they don't go together Pulp fiction is in tails from the crypt tails with crypt and is more like a twilight small twilight zones put together I mean, that's where you're talking about right? None of your stories intertwine with each other there are small elements from each that that tie them together And there's a common theme, but no, it's not's a common theme but no it's not like it's for oh it's not like the end of this story that's what I don't like because I like

one of them more than the other one and I want to see more of that one than I do of this fucking one we want it to make it like a fucking buffet I mean I want fucking I want all chicken wings I don't want fucking that dumb meat loaf and a potato I want just chicken wings and corn well I don't want to tell you Bob I want just chicken wings and corn. Well, I don't know what to tell you, Bob. I want you to let me read the four stories, whichever one I like best, I want you to make that a feature link. Carmel. That's what I want. Doing that. Why? I want that. I want that done. I think you like these. They're fun. They're fun. They're scary.

Well, check it. I look, man, I would love to. I want to like these. They're fun. They're they're fun. They're scary. Well, check it. I look man. I would love to I want them. I was like Blair Witch. Remember bled? That was that was a fucking it made me No, I didn't like it. Come on. Donk. Come on. Stunk really started that whole horseshit of we can get away with not showing anything. No, you can't. It sucks. I have to disagree. I didn't like it. I think I think I thought it was stupid Blair Witch 2. It made me sick. Blair Witch 2 with fucking Michael Dunnevin from Burnnotice. Right.

That sucked. That sucked. At the end of Blair Witch 2 when the when the witch had made up perfect Manila envelope files of everybody like it went to staples If I could have stood up and pissed on the screen I love I love fucking motorcycle Joe Micro Joe get on the back if I could have fucking pissed on that fucking

He's lucky I didn't take the knife out of my ankle holster He's still in that fucking gun. He's lucky I didn't take the knife out of my ankle holster. My friend's screen. My friend, the guy I'm writing the thing with, the movie with. He writing partner. Yeah, he called me, he went to see House on Haunted Hill and he called me on, angry, I was like,

was a good, and he goes, no, it fucking sucked. I'll tell you what, and he can have potential. And have potential, he goes, it shit in me, good, he sits, and he goes, hey, guess how everybody ends up in the house. I go, I don't that's where he goes it should have been good he said suck and he goes hey guess how everybody ends up at the house I go I don't know when he goes a fucking house sent him an email they all received emails like the fucking ghost open up a hotmail and said everybody fucking emails that's ghost using technology in for that's when I said it needs to be in reality yeah then these I can't suspend you know that shit I can't I need that's what I'm talking about

Put the image. I'm sorry of the witch at Staples Like all right is that gonna be five copies. I need a bigger box. No idea today What's your name is Blair? What which I don't know Yeah, go choosing that's why I like the ring. I didn't like the ring The ghost had to it figured out that VHS was the top fucking Go fuck yourself. I'm so true, man And I'll tell you I'll tell you what movie I did like that was,

I know you're gonna fucking attack me for it. 13 ghosts. I never saw it. I never saw it. I never saw it. I never saw it. I never saw it. I never saw it.

I never saw it. I never saw it. I never saw it. I never saw it. I never saw it. I never saw it. I never saw it. I never saw it. I never saw it. I never And that one of the ghosts, I kind of liked it.

I didn't think I was gonna like it, but she's topless. One of the ghost demons. And she's got, she's supposed to be like a hot chick that got fucking killed. And they got just awesome tits. She's kind of chasing you. But the whole, this house, it's actually a cool thing.

And they get caught in this house and there's these 13 ghosts. But the ghosts are fucking creepy. Really creepy. And it's not a great harm movie, but it gets you. It's almost there. Like they almost pull it off. All right. So check that out. I think you have good taste in horror movies. I think you do too. So I I wish a kiss. Oh fuck off Just because the original two you guys are the original two you are the original two The original two So funny man, I do I feel like the guitarist that comes back to play on one Jam and I'm the new guy like hey, I'll just do rhythm

You take the lead dude. I want to step on it. Yeah, you take the lead. I'm plugged in. Yeah. Tell me the bassist. It's like, I wrote a song. Do you guys want to hear my song? No. No.

Tell us just happen to be there. She's the studio bassist. They got to put on the band trip of the tour. She doesn't do any interviews at all. Never heard. They just show her on the background. She really has Bill Hoigman from the background. She's the drummer from Arrows. Well, Halloween's coming up. So this actually wound up being a good podcast for Halloween.

And you know, I can't wait to have a kid to, this is the weird thing though, I'm gonna have to move out of New York. I'm gonna have to buy a house. For a kid? Yeah, because I can't, look, you don't know this, but me and Dawn, the first year that we got our place over in Hell's Kitchen, we bought all this candy

and we were like waiting for the kids to come to the doorbell. We forgot there's a code, you need to know our code to get in the door. So you have to go outside. So we went outside and sat on the stoop with this big bowl of candy and kids don't go to houses in New York

because their apartments, they go to delis and the stores and they trick a treat at the stores. And so we're sitting out there. I'm like a little pedophile kid. Come here. Come on, no, seriously, with the big thing of candy, begging parents to bring their kids over to my door with my and I was like, you know what? Fuck this went back inside like 20 minutes in. Like you're trying to convince us that you were

disappointed that you had a bunch of candy. True. I can't give it away. And actually, because you know, I'm a fat fucking it away. I'm not gonna give it away. I'm not gonna give it away. I'm not gonna give it away. I'm not gonna give it away. I'm not gonna give it away. I'm not gonna give it away. I'm not gonna give it away.

I'm not gonna give it away. I'm not gonna give it away. I'm not gonna give it away. I'm not gonna give it away. I'm not gonna give it away. I just was reliving it like a sex story in my brain Like a like a blowjob that I got you remember the texture of the Kit Kat. I remember I walked back in and I had the pumpkin I had this plastic pumpkin full of fucking candy treats and I started opening them and I remember Biting into a Reese. Oh God, dude. You really she like here's the thing I

Love food. I fucking love it and I relate to you on a lot of food on the many food levels Yeah, I don't like candy like that doesn't do it for me like I'm starving right now I had that one piece of candy. I was like I can't eat this like I need food Yeah, dude no I'd rather french fries and fried chicken than you Here's a deal Confronted with candy. I will fucking eat it. But I won't go get candy. Candy is my thing.

I'm not, I'm not a sweet guy. I'm a, I'm a carb guy. I'm a salt guy. I go buying candy a lot, a lot of time at night when I get off the train. I'll stop by the deli, get like kickcat, re-speak. Because all you can afford, you can't get a meal. Sugar is a good boy. Dinner dead.

Yeah. But hey mom, hey he's going corporate. Or dinner dead. Yeah. Fuck him. Mom, man, he's going corporate. It's great. Ah, come on. That corporate gig pays a lot, but not enough. Let's get carried away. Cut deep, put your right.

Look at that haircut. You're so right. That's so funny. Fuck it out. Yeah, I'm not a candy guy. I like a dessert now and again. But if I want sweets, like I want like fucking Ben and Jerry's or a hot and doth or cheese cake,

I don't know how hard it is. I'd rather go to the store and get a bag of chips. I'd rather have a pizza, then a fucking, then ice cream. I'd rather have a, there's nothing in my world. There's nothing that has made me feel more, oh God, happy, than being alone at my apartment on a weekend when I don't have gigs or nothing. And I know

there's a great movie coming on that I really want to see. And a large cheese pizza just arrived. And I have a bag of potato chips and some type of soda or maybe a shake. God This is making me happy. God damn it man. Oh dude, it's unbelievable. God damn it. Oh I don't know what it is, but I was like I was discovered something new last night. What what is it? My buddy Aaron Cater. Yeah, really funny guy from LA. We're doing the festival, right? First of all, he said to me, he goes, last night, as nothing going on, he goes, I just went home to the hotel,

and I got a chicken parm sub, and he goes, I just laid in bed and ate it, and he goes, is there anything better than that? I was like, no, there's nothing, right? So he's right there, right? Right. We went this bar drinking with everybody. Yeah.

We went downtown, we left the fucking bar, to go all the way down to St. Mark's to get Korean fried chicken what is that what is that Korean fried what is that what is that what is that I need to down what is a Korean fried chicken dude you go down to this place what is it called I can't remember the name of it I know what? It's called a camera name of it. I know where it is. It's in Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's Mark's I don't think I can win anything. I know. We got drumsticks. You get 10 drumsticks for 20 bucks. There's two flavors. Hot or soy garlic.

We got the soy garlic because somebody told us that hot is really fucking hot and it was late. So we get the soy garlic. They bring out and fries. They bring out a plate of 10 drumsticks and they're lightly breaded. But like, there's just something fluffy about the bread. It's like a tempura. It's more of a tempura but it doesn't taste

tempura. It tastes like fried fucking chicken but like quality fried chicken. So it's 10 drums because they're plate and they have this brown sweet garlic sauce on them. It tastes like soy sauce but but like sweeter. Yeah. And it's just dude you just sit there and you just fucking eat these drumsticks dude they are un and then we got the hot sauce. I can't I want it. I can't do this. You just snap me out of it. I'm sorry. I'm like sitting here listening to it. I'm like thinking when can I go to St. Mark's to eat this shit? Man, I want it now. I'm going to the time we want. You're open to 4 a.m.

What? Yeah. St. Mark's got a hot dog place over there too, you know. Yeah, I've been to the hot dog place. Is that some between second and third place, right? It's a, they do specialized hot dogs. Should I get you the Colombian one? Oh, God.

Wait a minute. Hold on. I started to be getting because I love hot dogs. It is they do it's it's somewhat. What's the name of it? It's a hot dog place St. Mark's but they also do because I think my sliders too. Yeah, they do slider burgers Yeah, it's it's kind of under it's under like you walk down some stairs. I don't know. It's closer to the it's closer to second Then it is third. I don't know. It's how you right now and it's on the north side of my fucking wish list Is it cryptogs? No, yes, yes, it's also Brooklyn. Oh God, oh God

Gryftogs, they have one in Williamsburg. You got the menu. Yeah, but they have one on St. Marks There's also one in Williamsburg. It's they do like different kinds. They got like names for them, but it's specialty hot What did it put on it? We're gonna we're gonna tell you a bunch of different ones my favorite one for them, but it's specialty hot dogs. What did they put on it? We're gonna tell you right now. There's a bunch of different ones. My favorite one was the one that's a hot dog, rolled in bread crumbs, with pineapple, bacon, and mayonnaise. That's good, yeah.

Yeah, it's fucking, dude, Joe, they have, even their classic, my best friend lives like a block away from him in Brooklyn, and we'll go to that one on like, Fourth of July and get like 20 hot dogs for like three of us listen to this is what we need to do we need to one day all four of us Pull if you know they do the bar crawl. Yeah, we need to do a food crawl. Let's do it on St. Mark's I might go to that place after this or my bike. I might ride over. Have you ever been to this little piggy on

10 unbelievable. Yeah, dude man. We still we hit that. Yeah, what is that best? You know what it is? It's a fuck Joe this little piggy is on me. It's 10th Street first. I'm sorry What is it to go so late? It's a 10th and first What are you guys do? I think I we're gonna bank The only times I've been there is with soda we'd get all banged up and then we'd go all Strammy say oh they have the best here's the thing with pastrami sandwiches. I don't like too much Presprami. I like the right amount of Astrami. Exactly. So this place does pastrami on rye with coleslaw spicy mustard and their

pastrami is fucking legit. Yeah, and you can get cheese fries. Oh, you get cheese fries in like classic orange soda. The fuck are we don't look at man. The place that Joe, the place that Joe you took away is a bokeh Yeah, nine say max place. Yeah bokeh. All right. Here we go. Here's a deal guys. Thanks for tuning in Joe Thanks for coming in I'm fucking starving I gotta go home. You know what my wife's making she's making fucking healthy chicken healthy chicken with fucking But you know what Bobby, what? Bobby Kelly is losing weight. Yeah, you know what else I did?

I fucking gained it all back. I'm the fattest I've ever been right now. No, you don't look it. You don't look it. God, that's a fatter. Robert, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You're not fat, you're not the fatest you've ever been.

Yeah, I don't want to say I got a crowned butt. You've seen your bigger. Dude, said, you're not the fatdest you've ever been. Yeah, I don't want to sell guns, but I've seen you bigger. Dude, the photos we got from the book signing, all I've gotten, and it's the fucking typical Kunt fans. You know, that's the hardest part. I'm doing this food journal now. The hardest part, I'm trying to write every day to keep me, you know, just a fucking not eat,

like a fucking pig, is the hardest part, is every day you go on Twitter or Facebook or something, it's you fat fucker, you look like a fat fucker I get it I make fun of myself but you can tell when somebody's being vicious and trying to hurt your feelings and be mean and when someone's joking around yeah you can I don't you know but it's like it's like and then because they're not even following you they're just trying to say something to bill or or Joe or a Norton. So it's like fuck me do those photos from the book signing Jesus Christ. All right, listen to me. You should do this. You should do this. Cut my own fucking wrists

As you know what I was gonna say No, you should tell you should do this. I had my new policy with Twitter. I've been doing it for like four days what Life changing. I don't read any of my mentions at all anymore. Go fuck yourselves. I write what the fuck I want to write. If I feel like plugging, I said on a tweet the other day. If you don't like people doing promotional tweets, stop following me now.

I will never stop. I don't care if I'm a fuck. I will not. I can't stop. Joe Marosa. Joe Marosa. I can't stop. I'm off Joe. I can't stop Joe Rosa Joe Rosa Joe I can't stop I know it sounds like really make me tell you I made a stance on my bike with my helmet I won't stop no, you can't stop stop reading the mentions dude. Yeah, it's hard

And my apologies to people that write nice things. It's been so much years ago The years but I like the one Cunt for every seven nice people, I can't do it anymore, I'm done. I don't read the fucking comments, I'm fucking out, that's it. Good, that's how I do that. I've definitely tried it, but you're right, you're right. It's, you wanna get in touch with me, email me. I got a new email address, rkl at robbercaleolive.com or ykwd at rikest.com, we're gonna wrap this up.

Joe, you're the fucking best, I'm glad to have you back, dude. I had a blast. A couple of minutes. A glass couple weeks. I'm in fun man. I hope you. It's fun. Yeah, come back and Dan, good to have you back. Yeah, fuckers. It's good to be back with Joe. And Kelly. Kelly, the shit man. Let me think of something. She looks great. She looks great. She killed it the other night. Thank you God. Oh my God.

Wait, dude, wait till you see the video what she did. I oh my god she made the fucking that thing is the videos coming out soon it's gonna be on riot cast TV on the website Kelly fucking now that she should be hosting something she's she's great she was beautiful and rocked it out thanks for being here Linda you're the best you guys thanks for all the donations thanks for all the fucking accolades thanks for spreading the word a lot of fans show up with the comedy shows now of this podcast So that makes me happy that's all I want. I love that people listen to the show and like to show So keep spreading the word you guys are great. I'm gonna wrap this up. That's it

Bye Sorry, we've got the clubs. Wow comes out next week. Go ahead. I'm gonna be at the laughs in Kirkland, Washington November 1st through the 3rd So please if you're in the Seattle area, come on out to laughs and Kirkland. Who's headlining? I am. Oh Watch my my new web series Is out. It's called what are we waiting for it? So on youtube.com slash the Warner sound It's please watch that follow me on Twitter at Joe on youtube.com slash the Warner sound. Please watch that. Follow me on Twitter at Joe DeRosa comedy.

And by the book by the book. Yeah, it's actually it's a book. It's a real book. Yeah, it's a book. It's a fucking book. Yeah, yeah, there's something in there. It's an actual book. Yeah, it's a book.

You those you don't think it's a book. It's a fucking book. How's that sound? Fucking Kelly. Yeah. Yeah. May. Go ahead. May Neil Comedy Festival, I'm at the start. Sorry if it doesn't fucking, if you're not into it.

I'm so. God. From now, follow the podcast handles, like a WD Twitter, or Facebook. And where are you going to be at the stand? I'll stand through the Neil Comedy Festival. So how do people can't understand you? At the Neil Comedy festival at the stand on corner of 19th and 3rd.

It's a nice Australian show. He's like, my good panic Cody, who just opened the billboard. Stop promoting, fucking other people and promote yourself. I don't care. Do yourself. Yeah, well, I'm gonna be honest.

Go see Kelly for Stu Kameh. Go support her. You guys like the show. She, you know, you go support Kelly. Show you love this Kelly at the US show. I know it's a bunch of Australian comics. How funny is that gonna be? But go check it out.

Linda, what do you got? Anything? All right. You go to my new website, robbercullylive.com. It's brand new. I reformatted it because of Danny and Travis from ONA. Told me my own one sucked. I got a brand new one.

No, I'm kidding. But check out my dates. It's up there. My, get my app award-winning app And make sure you spread the word about the podcast go to the merch page till we have a bunch of shit up there You guys are great. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time I think you're starting to stink, stink You know what I'm dead? I'm stuck in the water, I'm stuck in the water You know what I'm dead?

I'm stuck in the water, I'm stuck in the water You know what I'm dead? Don't stop filming my face. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com