Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - The Regz

Episode Date: October 28, 2019

Regulars Dan Soder and Joe List are back for an episode that is not to miss! Duuude! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un duvena que de mao, a Madrid. Oh Yeah baby, we're starting the podcast right now.

Joe. What the fuck? How'd that feel? Yeah, we're on. We're on. You're loona tick. I guess came from MMA dog. I'll fuck everybody up. You won't fuck anybody up. Well, and I just came from MMA, dog. Yeah. Come on. I'll fuck everybody up. You won't fuck anybody up.

Well, and I think that I could, I think it's okay. If you take MMA, you can beat up women, I think. You can beat up, you're trained. Yes. Like if I know how to beat up man and women. Yeah. So I think I can kind of, I can fuck up Gabby if you want. As a woman, I say that, that's true.

Yeah, I think that's, what do you call it? Equality? Equality? My soul. That's what Elizabeth Warren calls it. I love Elizabeth Warren. I know you do. I'm not, we're not talking about politics. You're all politics.

We do not talk politics. I actually was, I used to take boxing with, you know, Keith and all that, right? Keith and the girl? Keith, no. My mic is my mic on? I got nothing. You got nothing? We got to start all over.

No, I can hear it. You're good, right? Yeah, I can hear it. Yeah. I, um, yeah, I used to take boxing with Keith, but I lived in the city. I, right down here. That's right. I think you won.

So it was me, Keith Amy, Marina, sometimes racial. Yes. And it was great. It was hard. And I got really good at it. The guy, I got a little too cocky, I guess. The guy put me in the ring. Yeah, to spar. Yes. With this little Filipino woman Fucking ripped a shit out of me. Yeah, sparring is hard. I started sparring a little bit with Diego. Yeah, and he's better than I am. Yeah, he's good He's Spanish. Is he Spanish Diego? Yeah Do you know Lopez? Yeah, really? I Didn't realize that.

Yeah, I'm like, I'm right on that, right? I'm gonna go to a different guy. Oh, yeah. He's very Spanish. He sounds Spanish. Yeah, he's very Spanish. It's from Florida. So he's probably Cuban.

Maybe he's Cuban. Puerto Rican. Maybe Dominican. That's all of them. Yeah. Well, no, there's Mexican. Colombian. Yeah.

South America. Yeah, Brazilian. Are we still farting on the show? Is that okay? Yeah, that's fine. Oh, that's fine. Oh, that was something else. Becky, I'm sorry. I, um, how you doing, Joe? I'm doing great, buddy.

It's good to see you. I miss you. I miss you, too. You've been all over the place. I've been out and about. I was in Seattle for a while. Appleton, Wisconsin. How is Appleton?

Appleton's okay. It's pretty good. I recorded an album there nine years ago. At the skyline. battle for a while, Appleton, Wisconsin. How is Appleton? Appleton's okay, it's pretty good. I recorded an album there nine years ago. It was my skyline. At skyline, it was my first ever headlining weekend. Really? I recorded an album and I'm stretching on the album.

What are you doing? You know what was nice about it? I went back there. What are you doing? You're stretching. I had like 33 minutes of material. On the album, I'm doing the thing. What's the album called?

You know what they say? It's called So Far No Good. And this is some great jokes on there, but it's garbage. But you know how like, we say in certain circles, you spot it, you got it. Meaning like, you never heard that one. You spot it, you got it. Meaning like, all that guys,

that guy's fucking being a dick so he can get that Girl when you notice things like that. That's because you do it also Okay, I never heard that spotted you got it spot it you got it hanging out with me more often. I should You say it like in a Boston accent. You just spot it. You got it kids. I'm Martha and that's I spot it I am not that if you spot it you got it. I got don't read any reviews of this fucking Allie. Oh please can't be good. I even one early on was really bad One of them was like all the five stars must be his friend Is that a review? Oh read it read it. There's one from a guy that really trashed it. Please

Is it right? The title of the new album from Joe listiss, so far no good, could not be more of a miss no more. Oh, this is a good one. Oh, is it? Yeah. I just rolled that. Get out of it.

It's kind of bad one. Yeah, fun of bad one. That's a three shot. That's really nice of that. That's three. Freaking awesome. I do remember there was one because I remember Dave Wait texted me. It was like, hey, don't read this review. And I was like, oh, geez.

But there was one review where are the reviews on the on the iTunes on iTunes don't Google review because you'll come up with all good ones go to iTunes if you can yes but so I did but anyways you know I'll see a comic on stage and they'll go maybe like why can I be like him no, sorry. They'll say something like this. What was that? What would you say? Oh, I thought I heard something over there. And I'm like, oh, they're filling time. I did that. Where everything you hear, you go,

oh, what happened over there? Let me see if I can get eight minutes on this. I've, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to drink again. I'm going to drink again. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I heard someone order a drink, I think. And then people were like, oh, I said,

I'll have a budlay. Oh, budlay, look at this guy. And then you're like, oh, I said, I'll have a Bud Light. Oh, Bud Light, look at this guy. And then you're like, ah, there's nothing there. That feeling of trying to fill the material. But I'm doing a lot, like, even my wife was like, I remember listening to your CD before we were dating and thinking, this is a lot of crowd work. It's bad.

I did mine on my album, it's not on it. But I recorded five sets at the comedy stop in Houston and uh Robert Kelly live is the name of it and I self-produced and there was one clip I was going to put it on the album it was um it was uh i'm me screaming at a guy I lost it yeah this cock sucker in the front row was just staring at me with his arms folded during the set. And it was one of the, it was the Sunday night show and nobody was there. I had the album, but I was still running it just to see if I could get it.

And it wasn't that packed. Right. And this cock sucker set up, set up front and just folding his arms. And I, I kicked him out. I was just like, why the fuck, why come? I just lost it. Like it just all came, it just all came crumbling down. I was like, why would you come?

You should find him and make it a bonus track on that. I snapped, I go get the fuck out! Just go! And then this couple left with him. I go good for you I mean they actually left before him because I was snapping so bad. Yeah, that they were like this is bullshit I go good you made a decision you hate me You don't like what I'm doing, but you're a man you stood up and you left you didn't sit here and take my shit And just watch me you're a man you got you wife and left my shit and just watch me. You're a man. You got your wife and left

I was just screaming at this kid. I go, but you're a piece of shit You don't even I go you never a spine like that man. Everybody just started walking out of the room This should be the album. This should be an album like the whole album didn't derose it do an album of that's not every album he's done He just snaps on the crowd Yeah, mine's a car, but there's some great jokes on there. Like there's good jokes on there. But I was basically like a feature act who got a headline a weekend and I was like,

and then they were like, maybe we could do an album and I was like, great. And I was also a drunk. So anyways, it was, we were going back to Scotland because it was nine years ago, I went there twice. One time I did it with DiPolo, one time I had a headline. But I was so fucked up on weed and booze. Like I didn't even remember the town.

Like usually you drive through and you're like, oh dude that's the bar. I was like, I've never been here. Ableton, I don't know who Danny was born there. Oh no kidding, David Ortiz met his wife at Skyline. She was a comedy club. Yes, a lot of big girls in fucking Ableton. Oh yeah, a lot of big girls and a lot of pregnant girls.

Heavyweight. Heavyweight. Heavyweight. A lot of heavyweight. I remember when I was there, I was like wow, a lot of big bone women around here. And a lot of them had babies. Yeah, that's a big deal.

Very young. You get DUIs and you fuck. That's what people, that's America basically. DUIs and pregnant women. The last time I was there, it was with Kevin Meanie was the heavyweight. Oh, I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

He's not doing too well. Yeah, he passed away on a couch up in Westchester. Yeah, that's sad. Yeah, that is sad. He was a great guy. I think we talked about this before. What's weird with comedy sometimes or life, people like that, I didn't see Meaney often. I did a rubble with them.

We spent a week together and see him occasion at the seller, but when you don't see people very often when they die You kind of forget that they died. Yeah, like you're like, how's me? Oh fuck. He's I mean that was I was doing a bit of second I go of course, but there are moments where you're like, oh right. Do you have a call the number? Oh? No, I still have Patrice's number in my phone. Oh, yeah. What if I called it and he answered? That would be pretty cool. It was a yellow, yellow subibi. Don't tell nobody. I can't talk.

I'm not just going to go on my phone here. Remember when you said you love secrets? That would be amazing if he just was hiding out. Yeah, he's tough to hide. Yeah, he's tough to hide. Who do you miss the most in your life that's gone? Or you can just pass. So probably that's something. Yeah, I mean, there's two different, there's personal your life that's gone. Or you can just pass, so probably that's something.

Yeah, I mean, there's two different, there's personal and then there's business. And sometimes they mix. You're dead business? No, he's personal. Yeah, I miss my dad, I miss my Larry, because when I was younger, I pulled away from him. And I pulled away from my mom.

My teens and 20s, even when I was sober, I still pulled away. I was just like, I'm going to do my shit. Because they would give me the shit that they got. You should get a backup job. You should have a career. You should get something that you can blob a blob. They were looking for my parents back in the day

when they were looking at your retirement when you were fucking 18. Right, right. What are you going to do when you're my age? Well, you're not even your age. You're not retired, you fucks. That's what they did. What are you going to do when you're fucking 90? Is the only thing they worried about, which I get back in the day.

You got a house, you supported your family, and then you're retired and died. But our generation was like, fuck it, go for it, at least me. Yeah. So I had to pull away from them. I had to really rip away from them to go do my shit and fail and do all the living shit holes and move to New York. I remember them driving in New York. They were like, what the fuck are you doing?

You're fucking, I mean they must have been like, you'll be home in a month. This is stupid. Yeah. I always wanted that with my parents because they were supportive. Yeah But I always wondered what the secret conversation with the conversation where they were like this is fucking crazy We're gonna have it's no way comedy. Yeah, what well I remember one night my my dad was my step-jab was actually talking about like how much money could you make doing this? And I dropped a check and it was three grand and he was pissed. Yeah.

He was like, huh? He got like, what the fuck? You at the fuck? I've seen you. You deserve that. Yeah, that's what I think. I think a weird thing for them to, yeah. Yeah, that was a weird, they didn't understand that type of money.

But they also don't understand that. Look, yes, I make that money, but I can't support you. I can't pay your house off. Right. You know what I mean? Because I think there's a thing in there too. Look, if Max was making money, I'd be't support you. I can't pay your house off. Right. You know, because I think there's a thing in there too. Look, if Max was making money, I'd be like, come on, get, you know, get me a boat. I mean, something. Right. It's just you got, there's no way your parents, there's fucking no way your parents, if you're in show business. All right. Like,

okay, I've seen him on TV. He was on a TV show. Get me a fucking get me a new car. Pay the house off. Yeah, something and they don't understand you really can't do that until you have big big money. But it's awkward. I've helped my parents out too, but there's also this weird I think shame involved. With you of them with them. Oh, yeah, their son is like, I'll just pay for that. There has to be a thing of like, oh, okay, thank you. Like, they can't feel great when your child is like, I'll pay for this.

Yeah. It's gotta be a weird feeling, I imagine. And a bit of, maybe resentment or... I mean, but the other scan, it's like, look, we gave you everything, your whole life until you didn't need us anymore. And then you left. Right.

It's like, we need you now because the whole world has changed. Money's changed. It's everything's a little more expensive. Everything's a little more fucked up. Right. The neighbor who we lived in is more crazy. I mean, so it's like, all right, we'll give back. I would, I would, I, if I could, I would pay everything off.

Of course, I always think that's the first thing I would do if I had big money. Well, first thing I would do is do what I did is buy a house for my family. First thing is this, my family, number one, max my wife. They have to be taken care of. Then comes my mom and family. Right.

You know, where do I kind of pop in? You are right after my mom. I mean, right after my mom. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, you're right. If you need something, you're right after that. I'm ahead of these three. What's right?

You're ahead of most of them. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, of course. I feel like I'm up there. Gabby, what do you need? A phone or a dad? I don't need anything, but I feel like I'm up there. I mean, look, you're up there, but not in fun. I won't ask anything, but I feel like I'm up there. I mean, look, you're up there, but not in front.

I won't ask for anything, but I want to be up there. If you needed something, I would give it to you, but I would definitely go to your dad. Hey, dude, I did give her. Right, right. I mean, I mean, look, dude, I mean, with the VIG too, I'd have to charge him a VIG. Sure, sure. Just because, no. No, I mean, of course, I would give you guys anything.

So just so clear, so like, if someone was someone was like I'm gonna kill Joe or your son You would pick you pick me. I would I would have to pick if someone's gonna pick Max or you I would definitely pick you to die you die right all right That's fair. I just wanted to make sure we were on you want to do the dawn thing page We can do the dawn thing well. You got to go younger But sometimes whoever the younger's person is you got to say me or Don, like you got to say me, I'm a little bit younger than her. You're a little younger, yeah. Yeah. And this is the thing with showbiz. Let's go. Look, this is pretty good. The thing with showbiz is we're in the lottery.

Like my parents or your, or my aunt, they're always gonna make fucking 18 grand a year, they can cut coupons, and they can buy generic brand. But you and I, and Gabby, I guess, whatever, we're in the lot, you hit a show, boom! All of a sudden, like, the Salvo candles gotta be worth $900 billion. This guy, you know, he's the one.

I mean, for being silly and long, and Staten Island with his friends. Yes, he's been silly and bang. We're being silly. We got nothing. Pure luck. Well, he's very skillful. Obviously, very likable.

Of course, it's his talent, their talent, and their desire to create Met Luck. Right, and Dan Soder, I mean'm this guy's about to have 20 million dollars. I think I secretly think soda has more money than fucking bill. I hope he fucking holds on to that hair, but yeah, I mean for a couple of years. I'm making a wish. Where are the other guests? I was told there was a bunch of heavy hitters coming. Well, there was a bunch of heavyweights going to be here. I'm over here carrying the goddamn show. So to be here in 15 minutes. I like to snipe.

I like to just say you do. But now I'm over here talking. I'm talking about over here. First you're supposed to be here, but he called. I knew who's canceling. He called this one. Yo, what's up? So what's it?

What's this thing? What's the plan? Oh, it's not like I can't start with questions. You know, yeah, you like that. I go listen to Joe. Dan, he goes, so you don't need me. I'm like, well, I don't know if that's the case. I thought I would, you know, be us three. And he was like, no, you know, yeah, you like I go listen to Joe Dan you go so you don't need me I'm like well, I don't know if that's the case. I thought I would you know be us three and he was like No, you know, I was like you want I was like all right you want to get out

He's like, you know, man if you don't need me. I'm like I do it's not that I don't need you stop saying that But I understand I want you I understand I understand that you live in North Salem You're a half hour for me. That's a Tuesday. Massachusetts. What is your which? She's up in Westchester, Salem. There's a North and South Salem. I'm actually looking for a home in South Salem. So if you and Sarah want to buy a house, we don't. You want to know something that's happening in our lives about homes? Yeah. Should we finish the verzy? I can tease it. I mean, tease it. I guess. Well, you you know what I wanted easy is happening in my life. All right. Well here's big okay Huge all right. Well, and now anything we go to stink. Yeah, no no wait with it something we might be Well, we're the change coming. What's up with verzy? Oh, you dump in Sarah

So spot it you got it So, uh, spot it, you got it. Ha ha ha ha ha good one. Um, they write it down, asshole. I, uh, um, anyways, the original thought that we were going with that I'd like to get back, because I hate when podcasts do that, when they come up with something that they don't finish the talk. My father, I miss him now a lot because he was about to be a big part of my life with Max. Because he's such a great dad.

He did such a great. He's just old school, 1950s, Frank Sinatra, cooks, cleans, and loves, and sings, and laughs guy, right? And he would have been a big part of my kids life and my life because, you know, all the questions I would ask him about the backyard or about Max, and he would talk to me about it but the last year or so on his life, he was sick.

And we didn't know it, he wouldn't tell us because he's such a fucking man. He's such a man where he was like, you know what I mean? And he shouldn't have got that job. He should have just went and got better. But he went and he got this job, got fired in his 60s, got another job a year later. And now the first week of the job is when he got sick and he passed away. So it's, do I miss him? Yes, I miss him so much. But I wish he was around because

it's hard to, I don't have anybody to call. All my, you know, I'll call Keith. What do I do when man, just hit that mother of what? No, I don't. You're bugging me. Just kick him in the nuts. What? Let him blow somebody.

What? No. Get him some pussy. Nope. You know, nobody I know. I mean, Lewis, but no. No, Lewis is a great dad. But yeah, it's hard. It's just harder because it was always great to have that.

Be able to call. Hey, listen, this happened. Oh, what you want to do. What he's very cool about it. So that part I miss, I wish I had a male, an older male figure in my life that I could call and be, uh, and have those questions about Max. Right. You know, whatever. I mean, it's cool.

I figured it out. You know, yep. Go for it. So him more than Patrice. I would say him more than Patrice. Patrice I missed. This is why I miss Patrice though. Which I wish.

Of course I loved him. And I talked to him to about shit like this You know my name my kids name is me and him talked about what we're gonna name our sons Well, you know and we we I was like max. He's like I was like Maximus and you got to do Maximus You know, I mean you and we kept going Maximus Dezimus Meridius because that was one of our favorite movies and I remember we were taught We would always talk about having a kid and blah blah He was I think he was definitely probably gonna have a kid with Vaughan and he would have been a great dad. Fucking incredible. Ah, I remember when he came to my house in L.A. and we had

these two little dogs, two little puppies. And I was like, Oh, shit, he's going to hate these dogs. And he sat down and I remember he was on a fucking blow up mattress in my living room in Culver City. Both of the dogs went to him and slept with him. That's sweet. And he, because they know dogs know good people. And I remember him just sitting there with Diva, just patting her. Just, you know, who, and he's the most gentle fucking giant I ever met. So yeah, but, but, but Trees now, he would tell everybody to go fuck themselves.

Yeah, that's what I miss artistically. We could all, I feel like I love getting behind him with shit like that. I loved when he was my friend when he would call somebody out in a big way on TV and just smack people. Remember that thing he did with the lady on the news? It was like, oh great, good for you. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, him and Bird do that. They're very precise, but Patrice was real precise with why you're wrong. Right. Yeah. Him and Bird do that. They're very precise, but Patrice is real precise with why you're wrong. Right. And not a white male, which helps. Yeah. Yeah. Where anything coming from us is a little bit tainted because because Elizabeth Warren. That's the. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. That's the, you know, that's the whatever. That's the I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. That's the uh, you know, that's the whatever. That's the way it is these days. It is a weird fucking And it is you just can't you can't say shit What's looking at what he pulled up white men must be stopped the very future of mankind depends on it. Yeah I don't know but I think I think they're talking about the wrong white guys. I don't think there's too many of those white guys left

Which ones now? I think they're talking about the wrong white guys. I don't think there's too many of those white guys left. Which ones? No, what's they're talking about? I think there's a lot. All right, name five. Five? Oh, that's, this is a bad topic. All right, it's gonna lead to a bad place.

Let me just get a big fight. But anyways, big things happening with Sarah and I. You have a baby. We're moving to Hollywood. Hollywood, baby. Um, anyways, big things happening with Sarah and I. You have a baby. We're moving to Hollywood. Hollywood, baby. I, I, I, I, what? What? Yep.

Oh, no kidding. Bobby's face is bumping me out. I don't like Bobby's face. I can't do things like this. Are you fucking moving, L.A.? No. What are you kidding? No, but listen to this.

Our apartment, you know, you've never been to our apartment. You used to meet me angry. I know what you've been me out your face was weird Because you said you move in LA. I'm kidding No, of course I'm not LA, but I do like LA. I'm not one of these guys I like LA too. So it is one of these guys There's a lot of these guys are like dude LA's fucking whatever. I'm like. It's unreal LA's my second favorite city What do you what don't you like the mountains the fucking ocean? whatever I'm like, it's unreal. LA is my second favorite city. What do you like?

The mountains, the fucking ocean. You don't like being able to hike and swim in the Pacific on the same day. Now, I like LA. I'm fine with LA with that shit. Absolutely, but you're not LA. No, I'm not LA. You'd be, your mind would explode there.

It's not for me. But you know what, I do think sometimes. When I spend, first of all, my two favorite things to do are swimming in the ocean. Oh, sorry. Swimming in the ocean and, yes, sucking dick. I like swimming in the ocean and hiking.

That's like the two times on the happiest in my life. So I think I'm like, sometimes I'm like, I'm living in the wrong place. What is this? I hate everybody here. I'm like, you're a cunt. You're walking on the wrong side of the sidewalk. That was a fucking green light

Stop opening the subway doors of your baby your fucking idiot. You gotta get the fuck out of the city go where I live Dude I mean Dawn went on a hike with Maxia today. We're in the woods in 10 minutes 10 minutes. We're on a trail right yeah Tertiary a little fuck jerry. Oh Fuck yeah, I do love the Julie Shore though. It's the best. It's wonderful. Listen, you should move up to where I am. Well, listen to what's happening with my home.

We got this apartment. We got a badass apartment. Brand new. Bad meaning good, a bad meaning bad. Bad good. Zach. I'm from the 90s dog. Zach's rapper, he knows.

Are you a rapper? I am. You never heard of silence. I also lived like four blocks away from Joe. That's right, We're neighbors. All right. You do? Yeah, give him over. No Rapper. I don't think so. Anyways, so any's Arab Arab. Oh my god. I hope your career blows up. Oh. Oh. Um. That's so nice. Um, I sent it a tape to SNL.

I'm fingers crossed. Um, we have a couple of tapes you want to send us an L too. Oh, come on, dude. Um, but anyways, we have this huge apartment and then they're building an apartment below our apartment and my landlord is like We're gonna knock down the ceiling or whatever spiral staircase You can have it for a very small amount more. So I'm doubling the size of my apartment I'm gonna have like a two bedroom two bathroom home in Astoria

Really good money wow I was like I was reluctant but he's like take it all I'll knock it Well sign or lease. He's like, we love having you. The whole thing. Really? I'm going to have a fucking massive apartment now how they're going to build it. They're going to build it. Now who can they build it? They're building like it downstairs is built. Now they just kind of bust through our floor, which is a little nerve wrecking. So they're gonna bust through your floor? I guess so. What are you gonna do? I don't know. Just not.

What are you gonna, it's the winter. It's the winter's coming. That's what, what are you gonna do? Yeah, do you have you seen Game of Thrones? This is what, the winter's coming. I have not, but this is what I'm worried about. It's like, I gotta ask him, like, do we have to heat two levels now?

Like, it's our heating bill gonna be quadruple. Air conditioning, do we have to cover up levels now like it's our heating bill going to be quadruple air conditioning we have to cover up the thing we're gonna say to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our to Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear. Happy birthday dear. Happy birthday dear.

Sorry y'all, I had'd take a little squirt That was a rock session. That was that was very that was a short squirt. Yeah, dude. You take small piece too I'm I pee a lot shump atin. I was or these are old stairs from your house No actually Joe just didn't made a big announcement on the ykw moving to LA dog He's moving LA No, actually Joe just in made a big announcement on the YKW moving to LA dog I mean the same face the same face don't get mad. It's not true. It's my headphones back to not true We could have gone another second. Yeah, I was not sure. No, because it really made me mad too Yeah, it made me fucking I was so aggravated. No, I would never leave those are the stairs that I shit my pants on That my shit myself at your house

You should give pants at my house. I've told you this story What's in my grandma? You're worst in my grandma who's 92 years old. She's still alive. God bless. Oh good She doesn't know any like I'll tell her things 20 times. I have told you on this podcast Why am I stairs you never said stairs because I was downstairs you keep adding details once a year I was on antibiotics and I was drinking beers downstairs. You got a fucking flu in my house. No, I had strep throat And I I was drinking downstairs. I had wings and a couple Budwizers and you were eating in my bed No, I was downstairs in the cell at the cellar. Oh, is that when you fucked the chick in the bed? I didn't fucking the bed. I fucked in the shower. My fucking awesome shower. That was awesome. Oh, thank you. By the way, I jerked off to that

recently. So thanks. You're welcome. Yeah, that was a good memory. Great shower. It's great my feet up, but that was awesome. Have you considered that the lady might not want you jerking off to her? She's a woman. She was 43. She was not 43. No, ladies, ladies 30. Ladies keep it a lady. 30. She was young 20. not 43 no ladies well into late 30s Girl is deep in her late 30s. He was young 20 girl is bad ladies fine. You can say lady lady She was a lady of the shower. She's old. She was old for you my wife is talking about one you What is 41? Yeah, holy shit great. Thank you, Dan proper reaction. I have an honest reaction. Do you appreciate honesty? Yes, proper reaction. I have an honest reaction. Do you appreciate honesty? Again, say it again. How old you wife? She's 41. Wow, that's awesome. No, that's not the right track again. Try it again. Here we go Do it again. How old you wife? She's 41 years young. Oh,

Matua. No, oh Damn it. I'm sure Try to get what mom you just watch. Yeah, good. Holds, holds there. My wife is 41 years old. She looks fantastic. Thank you, I felt that. Let's try it again then. Here we go.

Ready? Acting off. Go. She's 41 years old. Did she know my mother? Yeah. I like that. I like, you know what?

That's the right way to go. But I took antibiotics and I had budwizers and wings at the olive trees and then I took a cab and I had to poop and you know you're the door code to get in your building. Yeah, yeah. I got that and I was like I'm home free. Yeah. And I walked in and Diva and Calvary were yipping downstairs. You know that gate. Yeah. The second I stepped on that spiral staircase. My butthole had a little light and poop just started dumping out into my underwear. And I ran downstairs and kicked the gate off over your bed. You know where the other side of your bed was where that fucking dresser was? You've never told me this. I fucking clean-kicked

it over your bed. And then I just ran into the bathroom and pulled it down and there was a racket ball amount of shit And then even help me were just like And I had poopy butt so I had to get your shower and white my Chow I got I made sure it was not a drain I Can't stop the story you're trying to make me crazy and then I threw away my poopy underwear with your dogs poop because I walked them Because that was good. That was a good house. Did the dog cover get any poop licks it no because I kept doing this I kept swatting away Tiny and they kept me like

They try to sniff your shit. Yeah, but I had to be funny if Kelbee just shit right next to you because he smelled shit No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,. God damn. Well my wife, but I don't know who's seen it, who hasn't seen it and I wanna talk about it. I really enjoyed it. But if I was a filmmaker, which I am in my head a little, yeah, I would be met a foracle that you're spiraling down when you shit your pants. That would be one of those things that you're like, the director, Joe, that I have on my back.

I just thought it was funny that poop shot out of my butt at that moment. This is what I think is fun. As you say, you tell me this story before I've never heard look it up the front door story I've never heard kicking the thing over my bed story. I'm pretty sure I've never heard about the dogs You know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna make Jacob on the bonfire go back and I told you that story on the bonfire And I bet we can find it and I bet I said I bet you didn't the dog I bet you did hashtag gaslighting

Gaslight it you Gaslighting at all you just learned that term didn't you know it he used it last time on the podcast yeah, Joe Dog Joe comes in with a new term dog. Yeah, I know about gaslighting. It's from the film. I'm a film guy You know you're a tour of fucking Louis and he said it five times and you looked it up when you do that to me I He said it five times and you looked it up. When you do that to me, it makes me enraged. Yes, yes, yes. I'm out. I lose a smart guy. I lose a smart guy.

Yes, yes. Yes. Okay. I'm out. I'm out. Okay. Of course. I don't mean to make you race.

I'm just saying, Louie's a smarter guy than you. Oh, smart. Smart. That's a debate for when we're not recording. No. Um, what is very smart guy. That would be a fun trivia, per se, relievers to him. Oh, trivia, he'll, he'll, well, it depends on the category. If it's Pearl Jam, you got him all the time.

Yeah, I got a couple of categories. If it's Pearl Jam or empathy for your friends, what about him? I mean, like, he like, dominate. Yeah. He like, um, he dominated on jeopardy. I mean, it was like a, I was a display. Oh, he's crazy. Yeah, he knows a lot of things.

I would say what if we do Massachusetts trivial pursuit? Yeah, he would, he'd jow it with. I don't know. He knows a lot. We're similarly, but he knows a lot. But there's times when I'm like, no, that's correct. Yeah, I move. When you're talking about, what a emotional connection being there for people, I'm not double

with anything. I'm kidding. I don't know the guy. I was just jumping on Bobby's band. I know. He's not a fan. I know. I knew that a long time ago.

I know you think that. I always told Joe that Louie treats me like the parent of a friend that doesn't like me here's soda Here's soda because you know why why you just you you you you know here you got it What what you got it you got it you have it thanks dude he takes little birds with broken wings under his wings Take this You say hi we as a bro. No, you know little fucking you got bird bones I Don't I

This is like the first you have to see where there was no weight classes I was watching some of the they didn't know what the hell was going on They didn't know who's going on the guy Sumo Rock tapped and then he kept trying to keep fighting. Yeah, he did. The ref didn't even do anything. If you really want to see the best, first UFC's go to the third one where there's just this Canadian guy in a cutoff t-shirt and karate pants and he's just lighting people up. Yeah. So he just runs forward going like that. It's one of the best. That's a guy who,

I think it was the first one where they made a rule. You can't punch in nuts after that because I think that same guy ran up to this fat. I think Sumo guy kicked him. He gave him a backwards kick and he knocked his tooth out. I was watching the guy. No, not that guy. I know you're talking. That was the first match ever. You know that guy is in the face and his fucking two. Not that guy. There's another guy. He was just putt. It was a Japanese guy Yeah, that guy's Hawaiian by the way, okay, he is on he is on Hawaii 5 oh Yeah, he's one of the he's the big Hawaiian on a white 5 oh he was the guy that got his two He's a guy got it's fucking his tooth flew across

But by the way, it looked like a little white supremacist to and long pajama pants. That's it. That's the fight right there Yeah, the guy on the right just fucking nailed him But he kicked him. I was down the guy. There was another guy who got he just punched first you have see Punching the dude in the nuts. He punched him like he just smashed his balls What a way they made a rule the next one. He should have said his fighting style was little brother I fight like a little brother Sometimes I lay on my back and I do the wheel kick. Yeah, the first UFC was great. Sarah had a funny idea that I think

we funny to shoot as a sketch. I was, you know, re-enaked choking her. Oh, cool. In the house. Is that house that not abuse? It's for fun. Okay. Just for a sec. I'm going to say that if I were lay a lady out. I go, that was fun. We're just learning boxing. Yeah. Well, it's so I can have sex with her, but I was having a Tap tap tap. Let's do it. She started pinching my arms. I love it hard. I was like ah fuck And I'm like that would be a great move I'll tell you right now if anyone tries to give me an MMA hold I jam my thumb into their armpit They'll let go real fast. I actually, I might think that.

He's tickled somebody. I'll put my gloves on. Tickle man. I didn't realize how dominating of a tickler I am. What I do is I get the elbows down on him and then I just get in there with his long, bloody fingers. Tickling, that's the thing that would like,

enrage me though. I would like to be like, I'm gonna be tickled or he says he's gonna piss his pants. So everyone, people take shots at tickling him. Shane Gillis will try to tickle him all the time. And Jay'll be like, Jay thinks he does the thing where he laughs and he goes, that's seriously not cool. It's really not cool.

Do you know what seriously not cool? I'm mentioning that man. Yeah, don't mention Shane. What do you know what's going on, dude? We're trying to have a new show. Let's go. Whoa. What do you guys, what do you do to Bob?

I am a little, I'm part. What do you, part duck? You're looking at it. I am part Asian. I'm part. What do you part? You're a vacation. I am part Asian. Dude, if you said you're half Japanese, if your name was like Bobby Mishimoto. You do, because. But he had Mishimoto.

And he had Mishimoto. And he was like, You're like, you're a super-eminent businessman. And they're Bobby Mishimoto. With the glasses. Those are very breakfast at Tiffany's racist Asian life. We do have a, what's's racist Asia. We do have a small dip. We do have a Buddha.

Yeah, a cow. Man, that's just mean. I don't have a, I have a nice dick. I have a growing, not a shower. Yeah, okay. Obviously, central lover. I used to be a lot more, but yes, I am a sexual lover. A central lover. Central to. Lewis said that one time. Lewis just goes, I'm a very excellent lover.

And then now I've just seen him with a woman. I'm like, I actually think he is, and it grosses me out to think that. Well, Latinos, that's the Latinos got going on. Yeah. They're good lovers. Yeah, Lewis, his new look is starting to bug me. I don't like it at all. Oh, the glasses.

The yellow glasses in mustache. He looks like he runs a shooting range. Yeah, it looks like, it's not fucking, he doesn't shoot, skeet shoot, Lewis. I don't like it. He looks like somebody's stunt driver. Yeah, he goes Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna take this thing to the edge of the building and drive it back

I could probably get you two tires off can't do three. So I lost my driving partner Yeah, Lewis is very Shooting glass very hooper look you guys saw Joker loved it. I know I didn't see it Yeah, well you can't talk about it. It didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it.

I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't. You're gonna get shit on the floor. Let me ask again. Let me try it again.

Let me try it again. Hey, Joe, you've been in a film? Yes. Wow. What film, Joe? I happen to be in a film with an Academy Award-winning actor named, uh, Fuck, JK Simmons. I can freely say, uh, JK Rollins. Would it be the movie Punching the Clown?

It's the sequel to Punch in the clown called punching Henry. Also featuring Sarah Silverman, Sarah Tallahmatch, Doug Stanhope, if you heard him. Oh yeah, they're all great actors. Academy Award winner, J.K. What's this to us? Yeah, but this isn't an ag me. It's not it's not a movie movie. It's a film. What do you do? Does an Academy Award winning fucking actor? Joe Maddo. do. Joe, I hate to interrupt. Hi Robert. Hi, Dad. I'm as someone that's a SAG card-carrying member. Me too.

Me too. Three SAG. You're in SAG? Gross. How are you in SAG? Why would you say it like that? Really? Cause she came confident in the joke.

I protect this house. I protect my family. Thank you. We go back a ways. I'm in the writers guild. All right. Now you're We go back aways. I'm in the writers guild. All right. Now you're just sucking it on deck. I'm in the director's guild.

No, you're not. I just directed this. You didn't direct anything. Just directed this. This moment. I just directed this moment. You looked because I directed you. Anyway, it's a minifilm.

I know films. I love Joker. I love Batman. And this was a great Batman movie. First of all, I heard it was not a comic book movie. It's a Batman That's what makes it what does that mean? What does it explain the perfect prequel to a Batman? It's the perfect prequel I want to see Todd Phillips do a Batman movie you see Dan doesn't know film. I know I don't I also don't have like I do I like I do I present that is something I know

There's two things I know MMA and film yeah, you know I'm a movies. I would say movie guy I'm more of a film right. I like a nice fast and furious. It's about family That's not Fam oh, he obviously is Instagram. Yeah, he just says to him. There's a sunset behind him He just sits there with the camera like this. Who is an old hot chick. And he just doesn't say anything. He's just like, you know what I'm saying. Dude, I don't know if I'll get in trouble for telling this story.

Please. But, uh, Coppillm and David Levine did this movie called Knock Around Guys. I love that movie. Yeah, with Vin Diesel. I thought he goes up, he goes, you got 400. Yeah, dude. I wonder what?

Dude, I don't know. Can we play that? I hope I don't get in trouble for this story. But he, Coppillm, told me the story that they walked out and Vin Diesel was get trouble for this story, but he, the compliment told me the story that they walked out in Vin Diesel was like, doing this thing, or he was just like, walking around, and he's like, what are you doing?

He's like, I'm just preparing to know how it feels when I walk around and everyone knows who I am. And everyone's like, what? What a weirdo. Wow. Well, he wasn't wrong. Yeah. Yeah.

Everyone knows who he is now. Look at that body that body Gabby would you take a run at that? 100% that's a pretty good body I That tattoo artist tell you what about you B. Rod I Never really found a attractive. Thank you more of a dead Paul Walker. I get it. You're got I like it What how about the one the second one from the top? That's me This is what how about the one the second one from the top? That's me Yeah, that that body's whatever. That's a great body. What about that Gabby?

You take a run at that. Why why I don't know Man, you just lost all you're like the Joker. You just don't care anymore You're like if murder was sex and you're the Joker. Joe. Yes, you, you don't like his body? I like that body. It's fine. I mean, like as far as like celebrity we're googling bodies, it's like mediocre. Would you say that he cares about family? Care's about family?

Here. I don't know, maybe. Yes. You know, you can't say that. No, that's fucking nuts. What? That's crazy, but we all kind of do it. We all, I don't think we do it to that extent.

I know, but you know, if you're, I've been on this on the show. Yeah. When I first booked my first pilot, and I was walking around the mall and my hat down. I'm sure. Because I thought people were gonna recognize me, but it was a pilot.

So the only person that would have recognized me is the crew. Or the editor. Because no one. Editor does have to. I think we chopped up your mid we're mid pilot. I was even heading by yet. So we all have that thing where we're like, you know, where you're famous.

Sure. Cause you know, but to verbalize it to verbalize it's to practice it to practice outside while you're filming a movie. Practice being famous. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's but it's super bizarre.

It's fucking dude. By the sea. You got it. Spot it. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's great. It's super bizarre. It's fucking dude. But you see it. You got it. Spot it. You got it. But I knew Vincent. I knew Vincent diesel was a Debag when the rock didn't like him. Oh, is he a bad guy? I don't know the rock. I put out a thing of like Yeah, they like kind of had a beef online for a little bit because the rocks of the Vin Diesel was hard to work with Yeah, and then Tyrese hated the rock I don't know how it is. I love the rock. You know what I'm proud to say as a film man. Yeah, is it a cinema file? Yes I've seen Cinemfile zero films with Vin Diesel with the wrong. No Vin Diesel saving private Ryan of course

Zero movies that the rock is it you never saw the rundown. I went through his filmography The run down the rock and a movie you run down very fun. You should have two fairy cat. Nope Get shorty to Get shorty to get shorty to get shorty to what's that called Don't buy this don't see this movie. Let's get shit. Well get shorty. Let me get you Yeah, what was the second one you had to have seen all these moves? No, what's the second you never saw jump? Oh, that's the second one. What's the second movie he was in with that?

What's the run down? No, the movie to get shorty. What's the sequel? I don't know fucking keep shorty. Do you ever see the other guy? Can you just please write in sequel with Will Ferrell and Mark Walbert? Write in sequel to get shorty. I heard that very funny movie. the other guys love Gabby just

does what she wants. This is like doing this with my wife. Yeah, I keep going. I was looking up. I'm going to sequel and I go can you just go she doesn't acknowledge just stairs. Be cool. Be cool. You saw be cool. I did not see be cool. You never saw be cool. I live my life that way. You never saw be cool live my life that way But I've never seen the film you're lying You never saw why we're seeing one movie with the rock you know song it. That's what I'm telling you you never saw be cool No, I know the rock be cool with the afro no, what about pain and gain? I saw a pain and gay rich bosses on the part. We're doing a podcast live rich boss rich boss rich boss roast calm

hello you've never seen a set of his boss you're there i can't yeah i'm sorry yeah go ahead i'm sorry go ahead well now what do you do from the studio or from your set we're doing it up in the studio and who do you have as a guest i have two superstars of this podcast. Joe List and Dan Soda. Oh wow. That's funny. It's not fun. It's you just. It's funny. We start coming to my boss. It's funny. I

thought he was going to I thought he was going to come with a shitty insult. It's funny if he doesn't call back. Yes. If he calls back. He's don't pick up. Yeah's funny if he doesn't call back. Yes. If he calls back, he's, don't pick up. He's, yeah, he's really called that. No, do not pick up. He's, he's just not funny. Do not pick up.

Yes, if he calls back, he's not funny. Yeah, don't we all agree on that? Yes, don't pick up. Okay, I'm not gonna stop yelling at me. I'm not a scared. My mom calls me. I love Joker. I'm an anniversary of husband's death, not too good.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You want to call it? Talk to her? It's rough. We talked about it earlier. What? That anyways, hmm Love Joker thought it was great. I don't care about this all this Batman whatever we're talking about. It's a Batman movie It's great Joe tries that like he's a cinephile, but he likes a Batman movie. Why is I love a bunch of Batman?

I like the Christopher Nolan Batman movies and I love the Tim Burton bad movies Tim Burton bad moves stank fuck you They're great. Not maybe the first two first two Joe Schumann that's what I said on the same page. You're right. I take it back you back I thank you Joe Schumacher for giving Michael Keaton the opportunity to play a great Batman. I thought you're gonna spend But here's the one thing. I'm not a comic book guy. So maybe you can explain this to me sure I'm sure so in the film. Yeah, well, I don't want to give back to my favorite comics So I know I can go deep. So favorite of all time. A little fat man is a character the most Bruce Wayne in the film is 10 years old. Yes. Maybe. And then Joker in the film is like 45 years old. Yeah. So how can the Joker be 35 years old, older than Batman? But time Batman is Batman. He's going

to be 75 years old. Yeah. But Jack Nicholson was 65 and Keaton was in his 30s. No, Jack was in 65. Yeah, he was. He was about, he was, I was 60. That was 30 years ago. He's not 95 years old. No, he's 89. He makes a good point.

They fucked up on the Joker's age in this. They should have made him 30 something. You need to walk in Phoenix. Yeah, but what, can I say something though? You don't know his age in the movie. Yeah, thank you. you don't know as age in the movie yeah you don't know as age in the movie but it'll be hard for him to pass as 35 but he could be 35 he's like either a really fuckable 42 by the way I'm an unfuckable 30 I'm asking questions I'm not saying it in the movie it's bullshit I was just like I'm not one of these guys one more time I didn't get what is that's that's drinking Joe I'm not one of these guys. One more time.

I didn't get what is the drink and Joe. I'm not one of those. That was joeity drink. I'm just curiously. I don't know Bacomic books. I'm like, is that the age difference between Batman and it's supposed to be rivals?

It's feet. It's it by the way. The whole point of Joker wasn't that he could beat up Batman. It was that he mentally fucked with Batman. Yeah, right. And he was he was the he was the antithesis of Batman, which Batman didn't believe in killing people. Batman believed in saving Gotham and Joker,

just like Chaos and murder and he thought, you saw that at the end. That's fair. All right, now listen, here, okay, so. It's a great Batman movie. Is it a Batman movie or just a regular? I don't know what he's talking about. It's a movie about a guy losing his shit.

But if you're a Batman fan, it makes it a way better movie. Ah, okay, my man, like I went home and watched the dark night. That's how excited I was about that movie. But why is it a Batman movie? Because it's about Gotham City and Gotham City turning into a shit hole, which inevitably sets up Batman because Batman won't be anything without Gotham being shitty and also the Joker becoming the Joker and Hating Thomas Wayne and all that stuff, but mostly hating the rich and igniting the poor right gets Thomas Wayne murdered But so Bruce Wayne's an orphan by the end of the movie which no no spoiler. Oh, geez But Bruce Wayne's parents are dead. That's a whole point of Batman. Yeah, but you can't spoil the movie We don't know they're alive at the beginning of the movie.

Nothing to do with the movie. I listen. But I just read recently, and I don't know anything about anything, but I read recently that the Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got away. He did. I heard that. You know what's crazy is Robin also laid egg. No shit.

Yeah. Wow. I didn't read the whole thing. I don't know. What are you Queens talking about? Just talking fashion. You wouldn't understand. Yeah. Wow. What the fuck? I didn't read the whole thing. I don't know. What are you queens talking about? Just talking fashion. You wouldn't understand. Work, Joe.

Work, girl. So you like the movie as a movie, not as a comic book movie? Well, I just like to do as a movie. I don't know what the, I just... Yeah, I don't know. But you're saying, but you also said not as a comic book movie. I heard it's not a comic book movie. It's more of a... It's for adults to feel like it's as a comic book movie. I heard it's not a comic book movie. It's more of a-

It's for adults to feel like it's not a comic book movie. It's a movie that anybody can go see without knowing the comic books. Sure. Yes. Absolutely. It's not a DC comic book, like a Marvel movie. Yeah.

No, it's good. It's gritty, well shot, perfectly directed. This is no magic. He's got no, you know, you know, you know, no bat thing or no. So Christopher Nolan took over the Batman series. He basically was like, let's take Batman and make him a little more feasible. That's what Batman begins is. You see Bruce Wayne train and martial arts. You see him go to the east like me. Yes. Basically Joe list is basically a young Bruce Wayne without the money. Yeah. Or the physical attributes.

But I don't do a house. But he does have a huge house and he loves that. He has a fire staircase. Dan took a shit on it. Maybe he'll take a shit on your own. That joke got away. Yes. Uh, Batman begins in Christopher Nolan did the whole, he kind of fell off on dark night rises.

He got crazy because I think he fled your died. Not terrible. That guy's right. It's not good. It's not a good move. Why would you say that's not great? I like it. I can do it. It's a flaw.

You remember have fun when you stand up with me. I love it. I love it. Can you have a cut? I heard that you heard the story, but he has Chris Vanilla's final cut. And they watched it and they were like, listen, you have final cut. You got to make him more audible. Like the original version was even worse.

He was like, Re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re This is when Gotham show far You know talk like that original. That's some fun moments in that movie. I think Christopher what Christopher Nolan did with the Batman series is just what When Todd Phillips came in he's like why don't I make a feasible Joker? Why don't I make Joker the character which is a fucking crazy character? Why don't I show people how he got to that point? That's why Iron Man was a good movie because they did the same thing. Exactly. They're like, oh, how do you make Iron Man feasible? Oh, he had to make, he had to make this little outfit to get the only

part of Iron Man that may I wish they fucking could fix is when he's the beginning of the movie. Yeah, he shoots up into the out of an explosion. Got it. Okay, got it. I'm with that shoots around, I don't know, 1500,500 feet into the air, over a mountain range, far enough away where they can't get him, and he lands on his head in sand. And he's like, covered, it's like that wouldn't, you'd die. Sure. You can't fucking, there was no protection inside that suit. You'd be dead.

Do you think someone gave John Favreau that note? And he was like, I'm making a fucking Iron Man movie. Yeah, but here's what you could have done right You could have had him die no put a little house. There's no Marvel universe. I don't put a little house over there that broke Oh man so funny. He comes to quadriplegic Iron Man Smash is spying in winter soldier. Oh no was it the Civil War was it Civil War Civil War is Matt. He went up and he got shot by fucking was the name fusion vision vision

Yeah, I mean now I want to see Joker again. I'm such a comic book. I haven't seen it I'm very excited about seeing it very I mean Phoenix is getting a lot of shit for it for shit because it's a Oscabuzz yeah, but no Oscar buzz You gotta get a fucking Oscar you fucking spot it. You got it you fucking you're scaring the people with your fucking scary portrayal he's very good because they're saying the social justice people are saying that it's uh That's what I like it's it's it's white guys with guns again sure now's uh... that's what I like it's uh... it's uh... it's white guys with guns again sure now i know that's what i like it's rock and roll it's fucking dangerous it's on it's on watch in the movie going to go to the wall it's our

black panther this is sad white guys is black man was our black panther no but i just i like that it's a little it's a little punk rock but i heard a theory about the film now this is getting crazy i know it's there you're about the last act is all it's a little punk rock, but I heard the theory about the film. Now this is getting crazy. I know it's there. You're going to say the last act is all it is. I heard the whole thing because over in the beginning, he's smashing his head, right? Meeting with the late boy. Oh, yeah.

But then it's an homage to taxi driver. People say the same thing about which is that yeah, Travis Bickle never did any of that. He's crazy person. Really? You got to go see the film dog. Then we'll reunite and we'll talk. We'll really just spoil. There's a man who would not take it anymore. But what about the Gary Glitter scene? Dude, I like I wanted to jerk off to that. It's crazy because that song is so great, but you can't listen to it because he's a pedophile. They're

getting shit for that too. And then all of a sudden you know the series coming down the stairs. Yeah,'s like a clown he gets fired what doesn't matter and then they show up and he's wearing the face paint and the good you get a new gig he goes no no it's great that's how are the comedians in it great great great Gary was awesome so cool to see Gary so cool to hear Sam or ill and then he gets his he's there like they did all a danger for years in their brother

here was the one when I was not expecting to see Greer. And we turn around. I just in the theater go creep on. That's a lot of out loud. Because he turned around. He's like, yeah, man, Brian Callan was in it. Right. Right comic in there.

Chris reds in there. No, he's a spire. He was in the Irishman. Is he really? I don't like so excited. He plays. Yeah, I'm skeptical. He plays Don Rickles. Oh, man. And the Irishman. I'm skeptical. He plays Don Rickles. Oh

Man in the Irishman. Yeah, I'm skeptical. So all the comics were great. Yeah, it was great It was a really fun movie. How is fucking De Niro? Awesome. It was a nice ode to the king of comedy But De Niro has been a little fucking weird, but yeah, he doesn't have to do much. He was he was basically oh Mark Marrow We forgot Marrow. Marrow was great as the line producer. Yeah, uh, I feel like his part must have got cut Because like he's in the opening So surely they they show so much Like usually you see a trailer like I get the movie this they show so many weird things happen his mom Him getting beat up a couple times then the show and then he's doing I don't know it's weird It's really good. You don't know where it goes.

I love it. Let's take a seat. Really? I'll go see it again. And you think he's going to get an Oscar? He should. He'll get nominated. He'll get nominated. I don't know. They'll give it to him because he's, oh, we're going to now we're giving an Oscar to the day. They let that shit get in the way of that shit. Who's that? The academy, the people. Yeah. What? And you know, Oh, he gets a, he's play this white guy that shoots a thing. Yeah, but it's not they don't give a fuck. It's the small group of people that give a fuck

that can play. The academy would give it to a fucking white male every year. No, no, moonlight, best picture. I'm telling you. What's moonlight? Was that the best picture? Well moonlight, what's moonlight? Moonlight, that was the movie that won. It was all the all. What did that win over? Lawland. Yeah, which lawland's not great.

I know. I like what was moonlight? Oh, is that movie with what's his name? Yeah. What was that about? It was about a gay guy. Superhero's guy moonlight. Gay kid.

Sure. He comes down and he uses his moonlight. He sure that's not Mike Brown's ad for his weekend show. Yeah, Brooklyn ball. Dude, if I were a black comic, I would make my poster look exact like moonlight. It's a good poster. It's a fine film.

It's okay. She didn't deserve to win. I thought I was okay. I thought I was like, you know, they did it's the pressure from, I mean, listen, they did the same thing for years. And then the outside pressure, the outside voices, will like, you need to fucking do something about for years and then the outside pressure the outside voices Well, like you need to fucking do something about and then they finally did of course, and now it's and now there's no more

Comics they don't want anything to do with comics and Spike Lee one last year for a movie that I thought stunk Yeah, I was like didn't even make say one like best So that you think we're just giving away awards like we're doing with kids. Yeah, I don't think it's like that I think it's like there is a thing of like we have to make sure this is diverse because we're gonna get it's gonna be the front of the movie doesn't deserve it over another movie. So create it. But also we're saying the economy has always been like this for one reason or the other. They've always given it to epics over like good fellas never what violent films never won for years. Good fellow shittin' one. What one, what one the year good fellows did? 1990?

Think that was, hold on, don't tell me. I think that was driving Miss Daisy, or it might have been dances with wolves. It was dances with wolves. Dance with wolves, it's a good movie. That was a 90. It was driving Miss Daisy. Oh, good fellow, so.

I thought it was, good fellows. No, I think driving Miss Daisy was, oh, it was 90. Was it good fellows? Was good fellows nominated? Was 90. It was nominated. Yeah. Well, mostly best picture in 1990. For just a bit of driving mistakes. No, but what were all of them? Oh, I don't know, but goodfellas was that year. I mean, it was clear that they should have won. Driving Miss

Daisy born on the 4th of July, my left foot, field of dreams. So this is 89. Yeah. That's right. Holy shit. What was 89. That was 1990 Oscars. But that's all those movies deserve to win. Yeah. I mean, though, we don't have. Dangerous liaisons, Mississippi burning, working girl, the accidental tourist and rain man. Yeah, definitely.

Definitely. God, that's fucking crazy. Mississippi burning was a great. 1991 was silenced the lamp. What is it? Goodfellas, ghost, great movie movie dance with great movie the godfather pie was there schools yeah, I know I know almost every year 92 was unforgiven 93 Schindler's list 94 for his gum 95 brave heart 96 was English patient should have been Fargo

Oh, seven was Titanic 98 with Shakespeare in love love it 99 was American beauty Can't get a thousand I think was glad. I do Why I'm fucking I'm rainman. I'm a cinnamon. I'm a cinnamon guy. I'm a film. I call myself He used to tape the Oscars every year. He put it on tape. That's a good No, that's a big of a big watch about yourself. I love it. I love the Academy Awards You do I love film, but yeah, there's always been things like that. Just what they would do. Things like that. You know, anyone that plays a...

Cinephile, Phyllis. Biopic, they get the Oscar and... Biopic suck. We need to suck. I just thought it's not Judy. What was it called? Why was it like Biopic? Cause they always have that one line of dialogue that blows.

Jay and I talked about this. But there's always that one line where they're like, I'm gonna change, and I'm gonna change the world with it Yeah, it's like no one talks like that. No one says great. What's the best biopic of all time? Walked the line. No, I didn't like it. What? Pull up top tent. What? What about the Gary Busy buddy Holly one? That's pretty good. That was pretty good That was a good one and he and it's good because he was great in it.

Now he's lost his fucking mind. Well, he even reps and he was garbage. Garbage. Oh, I know what's love got to do with it. You like the max. I love cleaning them. Maca match was great. The social network qualifies as a bio.

Coal miners daughter. No, it's gotta be if I'm a day. This is pretty great. Rocking with it. Those ones are good. I'm a day. It's great. Cause those are the ones we don't, we're not that familiar with the person.

Yeah. I hate watching a guy play out. Raging bull. Number one. Ah, the doors. I was probably say raging bull. Raging bull. The doors.

I thought the doors was great too. Beautiful mind. Beautiful mind skill. But who gives a fucking, the fucking weird guy with voices in his head. Yeah, he's saying. You know, mental health. Oh, the bomb was something.

The bomb, but really? I was head. Yeah, you know, mental health. Oh, the bomb was something. The bomb, but really? I was fine. I don't know. No, the last somebody used to like, 12 years of play. It's a lot of biopic. Frida.

Now, Frida, you had to just pick it because of Gandhi. No. But this is, this is, this is bi, this is a different category. Like, Shindler's list isn't what we're talking about. No, we're talking about a famous guy that there's, I was asking Shindler's not famous. I would say, I would say Malcolm X was a good one.

And, um, what was you going to go? There's a Mr. Rogers one coming out that's about to make. I heard that. I'm talking. Dude, I want you as I watch the documentary. Maybe cry. Cry like a little girl. And then the trailer, I was like, you cried. Yeah, hell yeah.

I cry a lot. I cry too. Dude, I cried on a plane. Valsen, I have talked about this. There's something about being on a plane. It's easier. Yes, and I watched that Mr. Rogers documentary on a plane in Aloe's we be I cried on a plane to a couple times this in the last few months. What did you listen to a set? I'm still there for it. Yeah, I was out there for that.

Um, he's a dog. So therefore, I really have there for that. I was out there for that. I'm stuck there. He's a duck. I'm afraid of his jujits. Dude, he punched me at the beginning of the show. Dangerous man. I don't like to use my power and skills though. I kind of, it's kind of one of those things. When you have it, you don't use it when you have it.

You're just protecting your beautiful eyes. Yeah, I don't. I cried. I think I talked to him. I cried at the movies where Max had to, he covered my eyes. And he's like, Dad, don't watch this part. It's too sad for you. Oh my God. Because I was falling.

Your son thinks you're a pussy. That's the guy. You're a little boy thinks you're an absolute plus. Yeah, you're not supposed to let your son see you cry. He's going to try not to be a pussy. If you're going by my dad's rules, you shouldn't let your son see you cry. He's gonna try not to be a pussy. If you're going by my dad's rules, you shouldn't let your son see you. That's how my dad lived his life.

That's hurtful then, to me, as a woman that likes you. Thanks. I've heard. And someone has a dad. Yeah. That's been there his whole life. Well, yeah, what's up everybody? Did, look, making your home, your apartment,

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I'm too much he'll be in therapy one day. I don't love I guess And they'll go wow his lips with two sexy. Yeah, that's what it was he used to lick his lips before he kissed me on the cheek You say too many nights. I do know I have to sit down when I pee You can't not lick your lips when someone mentions No, he'll hear the podcast or something. Oh my god. Can you imagine when Max stumbles on you know what dude When he finds out about the the retarded lady on the bus with you and your friends He's gonna hate me. I've said so many times that Max is better Max. I just want to say this right now. I never put James over you I still love you loves you, but you better watch out because of James here that he's gonna be

Dames he's already James Max is taking boxing Max is tougher than James Max is a tough little man is tougher than boxing Whatever fighter wants the most rules is the worst. Yes, but Max just joined. I learned that at Emma. Max just joined a Kumite an underground caron of only six year old. I'm an ex-boyfriend. I'm an ex-boy. And I'm an ex-boy.

I got you ready. Are you ready? Let's look at fight. What do you think of this invention? Um, he's taking jiu jitsu, by the way. Max just started jiu jitsu. It's got a good ground game. What do you think of this invention? He's taking a jiu-jitsu, by the way. Max just started jiu-jitsu. It's got a good ground game. I've always liked to stand up.

I've always liked Max to stand up. Max to stand up. I thought James might get him if they got on the ground, but I'm glad to know he's rounding out his game. Yep. You know, I want to take him. Do you see Kabeeb swimming in a river? I think we need to do that with Max.

I want him to fight a little bear first. I'm totally down with everything you're saying. I want him to fight a bear and then swim in a river. I think we need to do that with Max. I want him to fight a little bear first I'm totally down with everything. I want him to fight a bear and then swim in a river But I want to throw this out there once I film the special. Yes, I have a little time. Yes, let's go up to Alaska Me you and Max yes, Rocky for training Yes, hearts on fire I Fire on fire Strong desire Bo

That's when And then Max will take a picture of James off his mirror and crumple it up Yeah, and he'll be lifting us up and The city's gonna escape would smoke and yeah hanging out with the pot. That's right. You feed everyone You're a real-ass boy hanging out with Lewis at the party. That's right, you defeat everyone. You're a real ass boy. Yeah. He's like, you're right, dad.

He goes, everything he hits, he destroys. What about this investment? The max looks at me. I don't know if I can beat him, dad, and go, if you don't, it's okay. I still love you. And he goes, I'll do it. And he goes, you know, dad,

I've seen a lot of things here today. But I think if I can change, if I know if I can change, and you can change, I think we all can change. Yeah That's what it's not. Yeah, then he's gonna collapse the Soviet Union That's when I grabbed my chest and and then the next one is I'm in the hospital Don't and I wake up and he's dead he goes dead. I go Don't don't I want you to win That's rocky to yeah, no, we're having fun. I'm sorry

Sorry, how about this? Yeah, how about this? MMAAA love it. You say your problems. Get in there. You go in there. You say you got it and then next thing you know you're Chugging each other out and by the way there's no wait. There's no age because it's all anonymous. I love it. MMA I'm Robert. I'm an alcoholic, 40-degree black belt. My name's Dan Moitai and I haven't drank it six years. Let's get it off! Ha!

Ha! We should do that. I love you. I know the movie ties dance. I go. What about this? Yeah. YKWD UFC MMAAA.

That's too much. I love it. No, that's an event. That's an event. We're going to have to go to reservation to get that saying that's an event We have that's the lawless fighting. That's like when they let Tommy Morrison fight with AIDS Gabby fight Just keep Yeah, Tommy Morrison at AIDS made of Americans that I'm fight. I know he had the HIVS. Yeah, dude. Just fucking just shooting HIVS into the front row.

It's crazy. Yeah. Yeah, he died of. Bingo. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. He died of it.

It's really weird how much all these PIL commercials are coming out now. They're just like, AIDS ain't shit. Yeah, prep. Yeah, I'd like prep for it. Just prep your dick. Yeah, you're gonna run through a field of dicks. Take this pill. Yeah, you're marrying a second dick in Atlanta.

Just prep it. Preparation H. All right, for those butts. Get that preparation, keep the swelling down and keep the aides out. Prep, what is preparation H? It's to make your hemorrhoids smaller. It's Hixi Doyle.

Is it really? I don't know, I just said that. That was so convincing. Isn't it, it's something like a lintsy, something. He might be a scentophile, but you're a damn thessbian. A thessbian. Yeah, is it really? I don't know. I just said that was so convincing. Isn't it? It's something like a damn. You might be a centafile, but you're a damn fest being a fathom. Yeah, you're a good actor. I would like to make a film that you acted small. Some small young Brian Cranston was in a preparation

age commercial. Uh huh. Yeah. It's crazy. As I'm reading that new Howard Stern book, you know, these properties, these prep, sorry, preparation age, uh, under your eyes. Oh, to take down bagginess takes all the bagginess out. You rub it under bagginess. Takes all the bagginess out. You rub it under your eyes and it takes all the bagginess out.

I don't have bags, I do MMA. No, you don't have bags. Here we go. That's Sarah does. We got it. But on Stern, Sarah has a hand man. That's a sharp elbow.

Sarah's married to a bag. Hey, baggish. Shit. A baggish. Sit him a fact. Boy, I'm sorry. I love. In the Stern book, they put an interview with Brian Cranston and he's talking about like how he was like a swinger in the 70s

Really? Just like having like three sims and four sims Jesus Brian Cranston was any of those guys too No, just chicks Okay Brian Cranston just nail and ask No shit

And Stern's like, did you wear a condom and Brian Cranston's like, nah Wow, he's a breaking bad boy Hello Alright, I heard that movie sucks. Breaking bads, it can't be. El Camino, the movie that came out on Netflix, heard it's, is that what's El Camino?

That's breaking bad. It's the continuation of the breaking bad movie. I bet it's on right now. It's on right now, came out yesterday. What about, where do you think it's? Is it 20 minutes of or 20 past? What time is it right now? 20 past, buddy.

Well, 14 past. Why, you gotta go? No, when it gets quiet in the room, there was an old thing where it's probably 20 over 20 past. What time is it right now? Uh, 20 past, buddy. Well, 14 past. Why are you gonna go? No, when it gets quiet in the room, there was an old thing where it's probably 20 over 20 past, but it never actually works out. Yeah, it never works out. If you see it, you spot it. I thought you were guessing when Lewis was gonna show up. Lewis isn't coming. I know. What if you shut up with those dumb glasses? I would get it. He would. A thousand dollars to break. Yeah, he wore him last night at Skanks, right? He wears him at night. That's his thing. I don't know. I'll take this. I'm gonna see him next week on Legion of Skanks, right? He wears him at night. That's his thing. I don't know. Who's who's he?

He's okay. I'm gonna see him next week on Legion of Skanks. I'm gonna be very vocal that I do not like it. I'm gonna be very vocal. I'd be very vocal. You don't like gum rage, gum is? No, I don't like fucking yes. I don't like clearing brush with a fucking,

he looks like he's doing landscaping work. And he looks like he's gonna get on top of that. He's just here that. Yeah, I look up, replying. I'm gonna go up now. I need you guys to keep focused. He looks like he's doing landscaping work. And he looks like he's going to have a partner. He's just here that. Yeah, helicopter pilot. We're going to go up. Now, I need you guys to keep focused. You guys are going to see on your left.

Right to the left is the island of Manhattan. We're going to go around it a little bit. I need you guys to keep your arms inside the helicopter. He really does. He looks like a lesbian. Now, I think you're a great actor, but I think you're going to stick to the script. Because you're improvising helicopter pilots

that everyone needs to keep focused. You know what? I think that's to stick to the script because you're improvising helicopter pilots that everyone needs to keep focused. You know what? I think that's how I say something. Can I say something? People in the back of the helicopter going, what? Why, can I say something? I was improvising helicopter pilot in war. He was doing a tourist kind of thing.

That's not bad, that's okay. Mine was a helicopter, like I was Vietnam War. Right, right. I mean, you stay focused. We're gonna make it back to the base. I didn't get the last part out there would have been clarified. And then he jumped in and did a tourist. If I could, because I picture being a tourist

and the hell of a bounce like everyone stay focused and I'm like, why don't you focus? Can I be honest? Yeah, good. Can I be honest? Yeah, that's it. I was gonna say I took your story and made it as a sequel about PTSD in living in the city. Because my guy was in the war, but then got your job.

Later in life, it looked like, oh shit. Now I'm doing this. This could be a film. Yeah. I better be the name of this fucking episode. This could be a film. It's just Joe going, this could be a film. I like this. name of this fucking episode. This could be a film. It's just Joe Guy. This could be a film.

I like this. I see this. I miss naming episodes. You know what I'm saying? Can I tell you something right now? I don't want to pick on the guy. Please don't tell us later. Save it.

I want to pick on it because he's not here. Okay. But I once saw this gives me the doucheous douche chills. I think you want to throw up. It makes I'm ready for. I once saw. Yeah. Are you sure fear? Yes. Are. I was saw. Yeah. Are you sure fear?

Yes. Are you David Shapiro? Yeah. Are you Jonathan Shapiro? Do this non-ironically. What? I never even brought it up to him. So it's a little unfair.

What? So when I saw it, I just pretended I didn't see it. What? I once saw him do this. No. No. No. At jail for those of you who are just listening is doing the classic director look through the hands.

Make a make a make a movie screen with your hands. Yeah, well, why? I think because he was looking to shoot a special. Yeah. And he was scouting location. He was doing the thing where you make double L into a one. Now, what did it happen? When he went by your face, did you stick your finger in front of his lap?

I just, I got fucking shot for ya. He did it. I was standing next to him. I just went oh I Did like a actual almost through Christmas when he realizes that Mary's hanging out with Harry. Yes exactly It was It was appalling. It's one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life. Yeah Yeah, now he's not Usually when I walk into a venue, I touch the ground and then I lick my fingers

and I go, there's a lot of humor in here. There's a lot of laughs to be had. I take seven. I have a divining rod that I put in comedy clubs and I go, there's a lot of laughter. It was yucky. I had one, but he stepped on it. I know because I got to get divine rod.

Yeah, to get it out. Bob, what are you doing? I got it. I can't do it now. It's going to bomb now. I'm not following. can't do it now. It's gonna bomb now. I'm not following. Tell him, let it bomb. That'll be fun.

Let it bomb, let it out. You got the bomb, Dan, let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. What are you doing when you show up? Do you do anything? What do you do?

Anything, potentially. Hold on, let me retract it. I use a divining rod and I go, there's a lot of laughs in here. That's really funny. I go to a comic club. I go there's a lot of laughs in here. That's really funny I Got a comic love that I grabbed some of the carpet on the stage and I throw it in the air and I left the wind Oh, that's what the jokes are gonna go that's still works. I'm a little man who stopped it that would

That would work fine. That was good I Tade of time We were the day after we got married me don't worry about a gas station and I Asked the directions to this place and I gave the hang loose side you fucking door. I won't like this I got thanks better Howley, let me go say howley hey howley. Let me talk to you real quick. Don't ever do that again, bro Did you appropriateated dog? Dog's dog goes like this.

Dog goes, she's sitting in the couch looking forward, like pissed off and go, what? She goes, she wouldn't even look at me. She goes, did you give him? I love dogs. This is the day of the day of the day of the day. I go, yeah, I guess she's like, I fucking, she goes, I fucking hate you. Dude, what if she's day after we got mad? She gets it an old

I went you know you were a bra a bra a bra bra a bra a moose bra you went yeah okay I'm from Hershey just a white it's just a white guy to gas station I'm running from a family I was like yeah thanks brother I do I do the rock all the time all right rock on dude let it I'm running from a family. I was like, thanks brother. I do the rock all the time.

All right, rock on, dude. Let her out. I think I am an assimilator. And when I get around black people, Dawn says I use brother. Dude, that's my favorite. My mom assimilates. Whenever she hangs out with her black friend,

she goes, girl, like that. And I'll go, don't do that. Please don't do that. Please don't do that. It's like when my mom, when mom we go to dinner and she orders a pino noir but calls it a pino noir and you're like no way Who are you Trish who are you? Does she? Yeah, dude pino noir But she goes that's a good mozzarella like oh you're fucking an Irish lady. That's like my joke. Yeah Yeah, tonight show tonight. Show great and uh, damn Paul stole my joke. I don't know about it really Yeah, he he did they tell you stole it. Yeah, he did.

Did he tell you stole it? He know he did it on his net. Someone sent me the link. Oh, shit. He was at my show like a year and a half ago at the Pittsburgh Philly punchline. And then I guess his netflix special came out and somebody. It's good. Somebody sent me. He's got a joke.

He did anybody over 45. You have 30 summers left. And you said that line. I was on the tonight show. It's over 45, you have 30 summers left. And you said that line. I was on the tonight show. It's my line. I have 30 summers left. That's a hit the same number two.

Same number. Oh, that's what it gets to. He does a lot of the scratching behind his head thing. It's a nice guy, but I mean, he's very nice. That's a fucking. That's a pretty crazy. Do I have the same exact line?

Yeah, anybody over 45, we get 30. That's my joke, remember that joke? Yes, I remember, I remember the set. Yeah, it's like one of my great jokes that people compliment me on. Is that great joke? One of two. Is that a,

just a set of file. How about joke? I'm a MMA, set of file, joke file. Joke file. Petophile. Joke file. People go, I like bikes, whatever the bikes one is.

I had a guy go, what are you gonna do about it? I'm like, what, what, what can I do? Nothing. Yeah, there's no. Not all, you can't. Yeah, he, I know. Well, yours is on YouTube. Tonight show, yes.

Yeah. This, just for laughs, put up a clip the summer when I was going up there and they were, it's the Russian joke. Yeah. And a bunch of people were like, cool, this guy stole it from Trevor Noah's special and did this joke It's the only time I've ever commented back where I was like I did this in 2009 on live agatham on comedy central Yeah, one guy just goes oh sorry

Who's the most Canadian response? I literally just start bug going to your hair. It's right on your fucking head It's on your four guess what wow guess what? It's right on your fucking hands on your Guess what? Wow. Guess what? You're that African kid with a fly on his eyeball. Yeah, that was crazy. He's on your head now It's literally in your hair. It went in your hair love all flies love all animals all got No, it's back on you again. Yeah, it's shit on you Comes over it kisses me and it wishes me a it wishes me a good day Why would I kiss you and then lay shit on it?

Shit on that ball surface, why would you what's going you know what's that coming to me? I want to fucking choke that fly out Shit you had again. Wait. I had a I had a topic. I had a thing. We were talking about jokes. I'm talking about jokes. Oh, fuck. That was talking about jokes. Well, it's funny because it's funny. It's like, I didn't know about it. It's like, I give a shit. I know what I thought. Yeah. What did you think? What? Yeah. Responding to people that comment. Yeah. Sometimes I like to get into it with people when they write, I you suck. I've been doing that lately. My favorite thing is to go find something that I have. You're finding what's there again?

No, but online when someone talks shit, it's fun to go to their profile and see something they do. So if someone will talk shit, I'll find like a guy that's like, one guy was talking shit to me and then I went to his profile and he was like looking at hot girls

and like the dorkiest comments where he was like doing the hard eye emojis and he's like, those shoes look really well So then I just quoted his tweet. I ended up deleting it, but I quoted his tweet and I wrote you're a fucking dork And he wrote back and he was like oh man, oh fuck you, you know, you could tell like I got them and then Justin Silver was like I saw what you did there. You don't respond to these guys. It just gives them more so I just deleted the tweet But I don't like these people That have the absolute answer on how to handle things. Yeah, you know do that. You just do this

I mean I kind of I do that sometimes I block sometimes I Yeah, I don't like people who do that either who say this is what you do yeah, yeah, yeah, because it sometimes you I Don't do it. I don't respond to these people anymore because I get to I want to go find them and stab them Oh me too. Yeah, I have that Every time I really want to you. I want to really want to stick their face and shit Yeah, like just go to find them and then sit down with them and make them feel like change them I want to change them as humans right the best part is when you find when it's working on my favorite is when you find someone That's talk shit and then you can you can through a little bit of research

Find them doing something terrible But I've actually I've changed people I've a little memory of the show. Yeah people talk shit And then you get them in the fan. They're like yeah, we don't I'm sorry I was just doing that because I hate myself and you're like well, you don't have to yourself I will never forget the first time I worked cap city. Yeah question Question Opian Anthony was on still or still OP and Anthony and this guy tweeted at me he wrote, I'm coming to your show

in Austin, you better be funny. And I wrote back, I don't want to be funny for you turn around. And then that night at Cap City, this guy walks up to me and he's like, Hey man, good show. And I was like, Oh, thanks man. He's like, I tweeted at you. And it was him and his wife. And I go, why did you tweeted that at me? And it just watching him get all sweaty and weird and he was like, I Was just trying to joke around and I was like to his wife I go do you know your husband just like tells comedians that they should be funny online And she's like I don't like that he goes on like that

And I was like do you know that he's just talking shit to strangers? And he's like man I didn't think about it like that. I was trying to joke around. Yeah, it's like you don't we don't know each other you help them You changed maybe no You changed them. Maybe. No, you changed them. Guaranteed. I've done it a million times with guys who, like I'll block a guy and then they'll send me an email. Dude, I'm a big fan.

I was just fucking around. I'd be like, yeah, I don't do that. Yeah. You can come back. I think so, and then they don't do it. And then they're actually nice people. It's that the way we fuck with each other have, they think they do it.

And they say mean shit You but then there's a lot of shitty people too. Yes, that makes in there. That's one thing. That's fans That's fair. I'm talking about I had an Instagram video that kind of blew up relatively. It's got two hundred thousand views That's big. That's big. It's really big. What is it? What is it? It's from my Conan? I did Conan Yeah, yeah, I did twice from one of my two Conan's I'm a'm a big deal I'm a coach too. Yeah nice, but you're not really a You call me over the couch. Did you do that? I sat on the couch not Oh, you came back on air with

I get on Conan get to the couch Hold on you have first off your aunt Peggy is a fucking comedic genius. Yeah, you spotted you got it. I'm on Peggy I'm fucking are I like it You know what you know I'm gonna do I'm gonna create an internet profile and then I'm on Peggy. I'm fucking on Peggy, I liked it. Nice, I can see that. You know what, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna create an internet profile and then I'm gonna come after you on that one. Go ahead. I'm talking about people.

So the video, some woman just, just follow me. Yes. She just writes, not funny at all. Yeah. Why can't, I've talked about this many times, many places. Right, it's a lost art to just watch a thing and be like, that sucked.

You know what I remember? And then what, why are you writing to me that I suck? I remember when I was growing up, the only time, you know, the few times I saw my dad, one of the things you'd always say if he didn't like something, he would never talk shit about it. He'd just go, I don't care for it.

That's all you'd say. Do you say that about fatherhood? Yeah, about me, specifically, to my face. I go, dad, right, and I see you, he goes, I don't care for you. your mother one give me a pinou good you your father's too drunk on pinou wow I'm not even against tweeting this guy sucks just don't tag me why you it's weird when they tag you and then you say something back and you're like

sorry I was just trying to comment you're like you tag me you fucking idiot that's what I have with this woman she wrote what happened nothing I was just trying to comment you're like you tag me you fucking idiot. That's what I have with this woman She wrote what happened? Nothing. I'm just she's leaving this shit up What she said this woman she wrote not funny at all and then I commented and I shouldn't have maybe whatever I wrote you look fat And then she wrote back. I am doesn't justify you putting up a humorless video. It's true She's got a point and then I wrote wrote back, you're a mean person. A fat mean person, hopefully. Now just I wrote mean person. I wrote, you're a mean person.

And she goes, what do you think? Fat shaming isn't mean, and you can't take criticism. So I wrote back a long thing. I go, this is how they always do it. She's critiquing me. No, you she goes, you can't take criticism without insulting someone. So she's critiquing me. You can't take criticism without insulting someone. So she's critiquing me, but I'm insulting her.

Now why isn't it the other way around? Because you put a product out there. And you're insulting me. Because you put a product out there for people to watch. But she didn't critiqu it. She said not funny at all. Critiqued me. He should slow down.

He should whatever. Well, that's a simplified critique. Not good. Yes. I suppose a that's a simplified critique not good. Yes Okay, it's very Simon Cowell not good restaurant don't go don't go gross food disgusting Right, okay, that's key. So not insulting. She's critiquing me. She's not insulting me. No, she's saying not good Right, and you know what Joe? Some people might wait she didn't say not good. She said not funny at all. Okay. That's her opinion Connoisseur, but perfect fat not an opinion that is yeah, but she didn't

Can I say something though she didn't put out there? Hey, I am a swimsuit model or hey, I am I am I I do Pilates join my class. She's just a person critiquing your shit. No being mean don't Don't let's not say good. She's not Assulting being mean reaching out to me personally. She could have not let you know and the other people. I don't like this. I'm critiquing her You can't critiquing she's not putting that out there. She is pretty mean. She reached out. She's on my page I have a wise got a little picture. We. She's on my page. I have a wise Got a little picture. We had a guy on my page once you do that She was if she had somebody do body art on her like a fucking like a if like an ocean scene on she was naked

They like you're fat. There was waves. You're too. It was waving. Yeah, let me tell you let me finish the whole dialogue I'm gonna take her side That girl ended up being Sarah, his wife. You just called Sarah fat. She was a great body. She lost weight because you could teach her. Yeah. Sarah's an amazing body.

And she's only 34, I was only kidding. But anyway, so this is the dialogue. I wrote this long day and she goes, so you don't think it's mean to fetch him? And I was like, oh no, I think it's mean. I'm being purposely me 21 she looks great 34 she I should better be doing needle drugs. I'm I wrote I am being mean in response to you being me Oh, who's me? Yes, I'm talking

Bobby just did the thing from Colin Quinn's joke where he put himself in the story and additionally You're being me you're being mean and you're being mean. This is a real mis-mean. So then I wrote, jeez, yes. I wrote, you should think, I wrote this whole long thing. I wrote, you should think about being nicer, dot, dot, dot, and eating healthier foods. What the fuck? And it was fun.

And then she said, and then I wrote, but I was like, I was being mean, and I just wanted you to feel like what it was like to be mean, but I feel like we're growing together. She's like, and then she wrote back, we are, because you're a positive person. And I appreciate your time or something like that. You're not funny, common to her, but you're a positive person.

Do you know? Why would you rather be? I do, and I shouldn't do it, because it's not very Buddhist of me. But when someone does that, you wanna go, here's what that's like. You've reached out to me. You wanna do something?

You wanna counter punch. No, you wanna hurt somebody. Yeah. Exactly. And then you go, that's what it, that's what it's like. You've reached out to me. You want to counter punch. No, you want to hurt somebody. Yeah, exactly. And then I did. And then you go, that's what it, that's what it's like. You want to hurt somebody because you took your comedy, which is not you personally. It's something that you present. You put out there for people to laugh at or not.

Yes. Okay. And you have to accept the fact that people aren't going to like your comedy. I do accept that. You have to have sure that you can tell. I assume the majority of people don't like my comedy. I'm fine with people not liking my like your comedy. I do accept that. You have to have sure. financially you can tell. I assume the majority people don't like my comedy. I'm fine with people not liking my comedy. Sure.

Don't write to me on my page, not funny. I agree. Because then, but that's fine. Do that, but now I'm going to use that. Yeah, you wanted to hurt her personally. Hell yeah. She was hurting you, say you were a painter. You put your paint hurting you. This is what your whatever your craft say you're a painter. You put your paint on this. This is garbage. Oh, this is not good. Yeah, but that's you'd be hurt.

Same way. You'd be hurt the same way. And you'd want to go, Hey, you're fat. It's yeah, right? Yeah, I feel bad about it afterwards. But yeah, go ahead. That's I got to work with what I got. All I got is a photo of her. If she had Photos or whatever if she was some kind of artist I'd write your art sucks, but People should think about not doing that right take it It's never going to copy it and send it to your friends and write what a piece of shit this guy is look how I'm funny This person never going gay because don't write it to me because it's instant you couldn't do it before now You can do it if it if something that's available, people will do it.

Yeah. But that's what I'm saying is she's like, we had a moment where she's like, you're right. I don't, I think people don't realize they're being me. Oh, they think someone's running your account or whatever. And I'm like, your instinct was to write to me not funny. Here's what you do. Don't have comments. I like the comments because the comments are very nice. Yeah, and they push up the fucking algorithm. We got to play

this dumb game. What do you mean? The more comments you have, the more it gets cycled in. It's all this algorithm, horse shit. Yeah. Sarah and I just comment on each other's. Are you on what are you on social media at all? I took Twitter off my phone, but I still have Instagram on my phone. Instagram, I post very rarely. I like to watch, I like to watch your guys' stories. I like seeing my friends. Like I really, there's something about when I'm on the road and I see you in your backyard with Max,

it's just soothing. I like it. I stay off it when I start to feel bad, when I see someone like... Succeeding? Yeah, but you'll see it and you'll be like, oh, I'm gonna get off you can literally watch Instagram stories and be like uh fuck me but you can also watch them in

like like I got I like Instagram I was on a mountain in Scotland I was on a hill in Scotland and I started and I teared up because I saw a picture of James and Max in the back of the truck that said best buddies yeah and it made me tear up because I was like, oh man, two of my friends without dads became exceptional dads Ah, and I just loved it. Wow. Let's go home. Uh, yeah, what are you gonna be one guy one guy when we started the bonfire? He wrote, uh, these guys again, I turn on my radio and this stupid shows on and I tweeted back I hope you crash in your car. I didn't say what I said dumb I hope you crash in your car. I didn't say excuse, but I said dumb. And then by the way,

I know it was a max when you said that. Which is fucking mean. Five years later, this guy comes up to me after a show and he goes, dude, you tweeted at me, I hope you guys, I hope you crash your car. He's like, you guys are my favorite show. And I was like, that's so weird that he's like,

this shit sucks, what is this? And I was like, crash your fucking car. And then five years later, he's like, I love you guys. Yeah, because we instantly, they they don't understand for some reason they don't understand how vulnerable we are because we're such we take such shit from each other. And then when it comes from the fans, it's like, look, we want you to love us. Yeah. We do this

for you. You expose our fucking everything about us. That's why the whole thing with, you know, saying crazy shit on the podcast is not standup This is as much standup as this is much comedy is anything because we're I'm trying to make you laugh Right which is harder than making a crowd laugh also you're also creating it from scratch right in front of the people and I'm and I'm I'm also The only way I can do that is exposing the the most being the most vulnerable I could possibly be and the most honest I could possibly be That's how you get to funny that makes you guys laugh and then we put that out to further enjoyment for free By the way, most of it's for nothing and then you critique it It's like fuck. Well, that's why I had a major problem with Judy Gold's article about shame

Because I thought it was fucking dumb. It's clear she didn't research. It's clear that she was doing it as a money grab, and it was like unique. She paid for that? She's writing a book. That was like pure publicity, and it wasn't even a good point.

And she's like, I listened to it. It's not even funny at all. It's like, you clearly didn't listen to it, because he sets up what the podcast was in the beginning. But I don't, I don't, I talked to you about that. I said listen. It's podcasting is is is stand up. It's open mic basically. You're like you're you're workshopping. It's harder than open mic because I'm you're making comics laugh. There's no there's no other hot you that's why this exists. Yeah. The we have the bomb and Dana because we were I'm Dana. Shut up. So hard.

Goddamn. Fucking work with me. Maybe these critics are right. You're a moron. Wait a minute. No one ever said that. Oh, fuck. Goddamn it.

I just think I think it's weird when, especially with the Shane thing, watching other comedians go against him when it was clearly a beneficial move for them, not a real criticism they were being like i maybe you shouldn't you know you should be worried about putting stuff out like that as opposed to like all fuck this guy's not funny he sucks

i think people are i think it's just really weird when also like her and leezard trigger talk shit about shame when they both did the same thing you know what i mean what they both like j same thing, you know what I mean? Like Judy, they put out a clip of her dropping in bombs on Richard Bonnie's podcast. To be funny. To be funny, what do you think Shane was being racist?

What did Lisa do? She tweeted some, she tweeted the N word, and then everyone was like, or she said the N word on a podcast, and everyone was like, fuck you, you did the same thing. It's so crazy when comics are like, you're, you're shooting on a guy for doing the same thing you did, but just

because he's a white guy. First of all, comics, you shouldn't shit on any other. Yeah, you shouldn't. As eight eight doesn't kill eight. It played at the eights eight shall not kill it. No, I'm talking about white guys. Oh, um, white monkeys. But the here, we know the reason why I say that, the reason why I said that we've all done shit. Yes. And once you turn on you, now it's okay to come at me.

And then once we're going at each other, now we're all fuck. Cause everybody has said fucked up shit in the name of funny. And people say, well, why would you want to hurt somebody's feelings? We don't. Yeah. No comic I know wants to hurt anybody's feelings and make quite the opposite quite the opposite Yeah, you want it you want to make people feel less alone? That's what by joking around about this

That's the thing with the the shame thing and even the comment thing with I was just talking about is intent I'm posting video my intent is to be like hey check out this joke. I hope you guys all laugh this This woman who comments her intent is to be me. Well, I mean, she's not to do anything. She wrote not funny at all. Yeah, that's actually what's her. I also understand. It's not funny. I also understand fans being sick of all this shit. All this talk. Yeah. We gotta just go back. This one. I go on a trip. I understand when they're like stop talking about. I got got to agree let's stop because here's the I go on Twitter and I read other come make you guys used to be funny yeah there's a lot of people that spent time talking about all this shit where you could have been writing jokes

like I'm sitting there like Rosie O'Donnell is like you were the funniest yeah you were so funny but what up comic comic put on a funny aft comics party. I know not funniest. Thank you But she was funny. I liked rose funny. I love I love their show I love your dog shows a lot of fun I loved it. I loved it. I'm a gay person go. I know I know you know I'm here to go back to be a funny everybody's fucking That's what it is. That's what it is. You know why?

Because people saw that there was monetary gain by being an expert on shit. It's like everyone became like me with film and you know, exactly. It's like, you see how it ruined Joe. It ruined other people too. Yeah. It ruins a lot of people. I'm not scared of that. What are you doing with that?

That's a wild boar. Listen. Your elbow couldn't cut butter I like your bit I bet you eat butter What happened to us I don't know what happened to this band because he had to go fucking hell Kelly There's Kelly the glue holding this thing together. I love Kelly. Yeah Kelly What are you doing? What you fucking? What do you want? I don't know, say something.

Why'd you say something? You're very quiet. Yeah, you know what you should do is judge Joe's comedy sturnely and never all turn on you. Okay, Joe, you suck. Yeah, let's get her. Yeah, you're dead. Close the play in the keyboard.

Yeah, you suck. You're fine. I shouldn't have wrote that the woman was fat, I feel bad. But I felt like we grew together. Yeah, sometimes you change his face. Also, by the way, like, when I see Judy Gold, I want to have a conversation with her about it. I want to be like, why did you?

I talked to her. Yeah, but I had, I had her, she called Shane. I know. And they talk. Shane texted her. Yeah. The funniest video I've ever seen in my life when you gave her her number.

Yeah. There's this video of this little black girl online going, how come every time I'm not around, you doing this, and then I show up and you don't have that energy. He just texted her that video, and I was like, you're the funniest person I know. I think he had that with another comic the other night. What?

What? I think he had that with another comic who wrote something, and then he was like, hey, what was that about? Oh, by the way, shout out to Laurie Kilmartin. Why? He went up to Shane and was I apologize for what about the whole Say it online What now so say it online I know that's like yeah a lot of these people are saying stuff in quiet

Well, they're gonna get out with other people But online they're afraid of that group that they're involved with attacking them because then they'll lose You lose favor with them. Yeah, but you're going to lose your credit among real people in real life, which I think is more important. So what I see say what happened? No, no, no, Joe D'Arosa told me about it. Joe was standing there with and Lori walked up to Shane. I was like, Hey, sorry about that. And I was like, I think that's it. That's at least the beginning of it turning the right way of people being like, Hey, kid should have been on SNL. Yeah, well, so let him let him let him let him

help you find let him deal with it through. I mean, let him deal with it through comedy. You know, it's crazy. That's what that's what Lauren. That's what Lauren wanted. Right.

It's kid. Lauren was like Lauren wanted to get him on the show to be like, he's funny. Let him like be funny. Like a weird man. Well, it's weird. It's an outrage. Outrage culture is a cottage in

history right now. And people are just getting a fucking give me the gloves. Do you have your glove? I'm a fucking girl over there. Oh, those are your boxing gloves? Those are my, they're customized. It's for my little hands.

I wish you were to call in your tools. I wish you were to call in your tools. They fit little fingers. That Poland's bring did nothing. Yeah, they fought. They did, they do a lot. I'll get a jab, but are you working on your, on boxing too?

Yeah. It's mixed martial arts. Yeah. You'll be fine. It's a joke unboxing too? Yeah, it's mixed martial arts. Yeah, it's a joke that bombs every night. It's mixed martial arts. I do boxing, jujitsu, and sobbing. Eat it every time. I had to drop it. I'm gonna wait to Twitter to take it on that joke.

I tweeted it. It did okay on Twitter. And then I do it live and be like, you stink. Yeah, suck. Yeah, suck. Anyways, Dan, you have a big, thank you. It is. It is. Yeah. It is. Anyways, Dan, you have a big, big night, no, he does not. I have a, I have a, head.

I have a big head. Go back to that photo, I'll change it. That's a great fucking shot of you. What do you bugs, buddy? Look at those eyelashes. Next, dude. It's a little much. It's a little much.

I mean, your pores are a little big. Guy, set up this. It's a little much. Put that on. I'm gonna change that picture. I pulled a smile back about four inches. Okay It's all the way up here. I think it's a good shot. Thank you Good one or I think Dan thought I said it before Very attractive. You're very beautiful and I appreciate that you said he's hot That's a good podcast a thousand times. Thank you Gabby. Now let me ask you this is great

I'm gonna say something right now. I think that Dan has taken a more of a fancy towards you since a shine Don't I think he's taken more of a fancy towards you since as time gone on as you mature on this podcast Okay, he's that dressing like a fucking normal girl Okay, he's that dressing like a fucking normal girl. And so that's to instead of a beastie boy. I like the beastie boy. I'll take that. So I think that you there's something going on between you two. Do you know what I'm saying?

No, I'm single right? I know. I am single, but I think there's a mutual respect. And I think Abby's very attractive. Thank you. But it's the world of comedy, which I will no longer date it. Really? Yeah.

So you're also a scenario here being, you're at a club one night, a party hanging out. Sure. She's there. You're there. Yeah. You're hanging out. You're stoned. She's a little high drunk.

Sure. Right. And you guys hanging out dancing talking. No dancing. And you get a little like this close. Yeah. And you're not going to fucking make a move. Here's the thing though. Get back that so close to quitting. So I feel like there's some hope here.

I've been so close for so long. Yeah. Like I think you could get in there. I, yeah, I, I think you're right. Maybe I just let her, you know, get a job at like an insurance agency. Oh, no. She years later show up. Yeah.

Can I ask a favor? And this is not to anyone specifically. This is anyone on the earth could somebody crack into Dan's website and change that one photo because it's really bumming me out right there. That one's great. Which photo? I like the other photo. I got yellow t-shirt. Great photo.

I was half-trunk. I was half-trunk. Look at that. This is beautiful. This is a great website. Thank you. Now go back up. Shout out to Michael from. Go back up. This is a great website. Thank you. Now go back up shut out to Michael from go back up from who my guy Michael Scroll is a great job. It's on the front it's there. It's the Google image. It's that

Bunch bunny. I mean if anybody I'll change it that'll be the one photo I change for you. Thank you Perfect that's Dan Soder right there. That's the same. What do you want from me? I got some jokes if you want them. You like voices? I got a couple of voices. Hold that.

But that's one down. But this one's fun. This is like, A, I might be. I want those. Who knows? That one's like, hey, you want to do. That's what Gary's like. You want to hook up again.

And you're like, I don't know. And what's this again, Tom? Yeah. That one I picture. This is why I don't like that photo. And I'm being brutally on it. And if I'm hurting your feelings, tell me. No, let it rip.

That one I picture the photographer goes, give me a little more. That's what he did. And you should have responded, I'm not a more guy. He's a very good photographer. I'm this guy. This is what I am, that photo up, up again.

He really liked it. That's you. That's me. That photographer. That shot out to Phil Provincial. He's saying the photographer. That's Phil Provincial. You got me, that's it. That's you. That's me. That's the photographer. That shot out to fill Provincial. It stays the photographer. That's the you got me. That's it. Who's going down there? Maybe Becky Rodriguez can take a nice shot of me that I can change that photo. All right. Well, Dan, you got a big night coming up. The hopefully you're not using that photo on. I'm not using that photo. And it is a last kidding.

An HBO HBO hour hour special. Yeah. I HBO has been doing a good job. Yeah, Gary Goldman special was unbelievable. It was great. Loved it. Yeah, great, unbelievable. It's out there right now the the the the pressure. The great, great, great, great, the fresh unbelievable. Now you got fantastic.

You were great in it. You were really great. Oh, yeah, thanks buddy. I really like that part where you guys were talking. I was talking about that though, because I've been getting a lot out almost shit. What? People about why? Because when I said I'm depressed, I have depression too. Sure. I don't have the same depression. I mean, I don't have what he has, but I have therapy for fucking years. Yeah. You have depression as a result of drama. I would like to tell you why, unless you want to tell me. I'm gonna diagnose you. Yeah, I mean, what the fuck? Gabby, you want to go get a drink?

I'm about his depression. No, I'm off the wagon. You literally, that's, I'm trying to get your back. I'm trying to get your back. No, that's sign of HDAD. Well, I mean, I spoke to media today. I will listen, next time it's one of the weed. I am depressed, but I am not suicidal.

I don't ever think about killing myself. Ever? Never. You've never had one suicidal thought. No, I'm not suicidal at all. I'm never suicidal. I don't ever think about killing myself. Never? Never. You've never had one suicidal thought. No, I'm not suicidal at all. I'm never suicidal. I think I'm gonna die, but not, like, you know, a car hitting me or a life just a rock

fucking falling off a cliff, me not making it past tomorrow. I think of that, but not me killing myself. Every day, baby. You think you're killing yourself? Probably once a month buddy. Why I don't know. I just it's like you get you know for what what are you gonna Kill yourself for being too successful? No, it's not that stuff. That's the wrong thing to say what? That's fucking that's bad. Why? What people do as somebody who's also dabbled in suicidal thoughts earlier today do as somebody who's also dabbled in suicidal thoughts earlier today. People go, what you have everything, you got it.

And then you go, I know, and I'm still not happy. Yeah, wow. That makes the more people go, I'm doing better. I'm doing better. I'm doing this and this and this and makes you go, I know, and it's still not making me happy. The more success it's adverse effects. It got really bad when I was drinking.

It got really, really bad. The alcohol is bad. Yeah, like every morning, I was like, I should kill myself. If we're being honest, I thought about killing myself when I saw that photo and dance website. Hey Joe, as I know you. That photo makes you want to kill you. I know you're a finely tuned, more focused.

And that's the face. And I. Joe, if he found out you killed yourself, that's the face I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I'm sure, I'm sure. I don't, that's the thing. I'm like, I'm going to go like this. Yeah, sure. I got you finally did it. I get it. Sorry, leave me some of the special being filmed.

What day? October 23rd. Fuck. Damn it. I wanted to prove like a good friend. October 20th. You never answered if you want to go to the early show. Next week.

Yeah, next Wednesday. I'm in Boston. Wait a minute. Tuesday. Do you leave Wednesday? I leave Tuesday. Yeah, it's Wednesday. Okay, you want to make sure, you know, when you collect other figures who want to make

sure they're not there. Yeah, listen, you know, I just called you my older brother to my therapist today, but it's okay. I love you. Listen to me, buddy. I love you so much. I love you too. I can't tell you how proud I am of you that you have. I mean, all that I talked to Don about it all the time. I love I think you're an amazing actor. Thanks. You're a fucking incredible radio guy. Thank you. And the fact that you're also an amazing standup comedian. It's your talent is fucking stupid.

Thank you. Often charged dude. Thanks. And when I first met you, your talent is fucking stupid. Off the charts, dude. And when I first met you, you just made me laugh. It was just a funny guy, so I'm so proud of you. And I'm so sad I couldn't be there. That's why I was trying to see if I could switch it up. Yeah. They had me going to Boston to do radio all morning.

I was actually trying to get, I was going to do radio, take a train all the way home. You're crazy. And then I go take a train that night back to do radio in the morning again. You're crazy. And then take a train back. Come on. You're crazy. I appreciate it. Yeah. I'm it. We're filming next Wednesday. And then it airs as of now. I think the premiere date is going to be December 7th. It's awesome. Yeah. A day that will live in him. Right. That's I'm going to bomb big time. Um, drop bombs. I can't wait. Is that a pro barber Joe? Yeah. Uh, but Joe, you're dropping. I'll be there. I have a little harbor. Yeah. On Jay's birthday. Wow. Big Jay's

birthday. It's awesome. It's an encounter. I can't wait. I have a stand spot early on when it come after. So you're going to come to the LHU. Yeah. All right. I got you. I can't. We'll be on the LHU just in case. Yeah. I got you both on the LHU. Okay. Great. you. I can't wait. I got you both on the way. Okay great. Yeah, what's um, let me what do you got? I wish we switched to you. Yeah I'll be at the stand the night that dance uses HBO special. I will be at the stand 815 Oh, but you're gonna be up at the fucking Vermont comedy club. I love that close. I'm at Brlington Vermont comedy club Vermont comedy club. Yeah, how many

nights 24 through 26 and then what else is up there? Albany, funny bone and Laf Boston, November Thanksgiving weekend. I got it. I can't do numbers and fucking Boston on Thanksgiving weekend. I'm gonna be sad. So you do it. It's November 29th and 30th. Laf Boston. Thanks Friday, Sadie. You'll do good Friday, sir. Well, I'm not doing work in Thursday. I'm so uh... thanks friday saturday uh... work in thursday i'm going to be with my family that's pretty great though because you spend thanksgiving and then just be there for

gigs i can't wait almost fun thanksgiving's ever had my life was with the list family in boston that was my last drinking thanksgiving we had a great time sat outside in wept because i was so happy to be there that was really fun really you cry a lot. Yeah, emotional little boy. I'm an emotional little boy. But I felt Joe list. I love Joe list and something he doesn't get enough credit for. He's very good at bringing people in and making them feel love. Yeah, never been to his house. Well, thanks for saying that.

Never invited. Nope. He invited you to a Christmas party last year for sure. No, he didn't. Yes, he did. No, he didn't. I remember I was there. Did not. Yeah. Was there when he invited you? Yeah. The day of. I don't have to love. There he was I've only been one time in 10 years Robert Yes, you officiated my wedding New I'm all it will be new. We're all kids. Dot com. Crucial kids.

We're not lineup. Look at that. I went on a show in Montreal. Montreal. More than ever. I've ever seen. It was crazy. Yeah, it starts this Friday,

Reading Saturday with Pittsburgh. And then Paramount, Huntington next week. Who do you think you're going to hate by the end of it? I hate folks right now. Okay. Yeah, I know you're starting So we're talking today on the fucking phone about things We're gonna, you know, everybody's on the conference call and I'm like, okay, what are you guys?

We're paying for it. So please what are you cuz they're like just coffee water, you know the Florentine. I don't need anything. Yeah, so we're like just we're paying for what do you want? Just have food and it's like All right, we're gonna get a deli platter. Wask goes, can I get an onion? We're like, what? Yeah, put an onion with the deli platter. No, why? Because everything will smelt, nobody gets onions.

I. He wanted a fucking onion. That's the best description of rich vals I've ever heard of my life. Where he goes, what do you guys guys got a delicious meat platter? How about we throw a nice purple onion on there? Yeah, I'm like, it's perfect because it stinks and he makes me cry.

Hey! Hey! Hello folks. Can't be stopped. No. Can't be stopped. True. No, no.

No. I just can't, I can't fucking stand him. That is like the nine, I mean that's 20 things. Who wants an onion? Let me tell you something. He goes like this, I got a merch idea. Please don't get, let me just hear me out. I go, great, he goes bumper stickers.

I go, is it 1977? Who has a bumper? Nobody puts stickers on their fucking least car. Vosko, is it okay if I sell CDs outside after the show? He's already tried, he's already trying to hire a kid. Hey, more like a, we're like bumper stinkers. Hey, we have, we have fucking, we say we're only selling one T-shirt one poster. It's awesome. The T-shirts are amazing. Sure. It's all of us on the front.

It says, Creeps for kids and on the back tour dates. Great. Fuck an awesome classic. It's classic. And he's like, well, like we're only selling that. Because that way we all just make the same money. We split it up at the end. Blah, blah, blah, blah. He's going to, he was talking about, I'm going to hire a kid to be out front to sell my new CD. What? It's like you can't love them. I do love them though, because if you told me this was like an anti-coffman character, I'd be like, he's a comedic genius. Yeah. Well, well, he is a funny guy. He is very funny. So yeah, it starts this week. Get your tickets. We're going to ask you guys to retweet some

stuff. Hell yeah. I'll do it from both accounts. Mine and the bonfire. Oh, good. Are you control the bonfire? No, but Christine is very good at right doing things like that. We're going to try to get it to trend on Thursday. Yeah. Anyways, kind of that's coming out. We and please go to my website patreon.com slash Robert Kelly on tomorrow morning at 11 12 o'clock. I'm filming Gary Gullman live from the shed. Great. Yes, it's going to be awesome.

I hope it's nice out. Yeah. And because it's getting cold for life from the shed, I'm going to have to switch it back up to life from the pussy cat again. Get some heat dishes. Anyways, that's coming out. I'm very excited. We got Mike Calta coming out this week

and the one we filmed. Love Mike Calta. So. And the one with Bill Burr is up there killing it on patreon.com. It's $5 a month and you will get all these YKWD on Thursday, audio for you truckers and video for you dudes

who live at home and fucking look on YouTube. On Thursday, you get them early and then you get all the live from the Sheds and the 101's and everything else they do up there. All the little skits we made and all that are up there for you guys. We are gonna be releasing some of the live from the Sheds, the old ones that have been up there for you guys. We are gonna be releasing some of the live from the Sheds, the old ones that have been up there

for a year, and we're gonna be put it on the YKWD YouTube page. We put the Quinn up there, we're gonna be putting the Bennington up there. Look, you saw them, they're up there, you got them first, they were releasing them so we can get more people to sign up for the Patreon, that's what it's for. It's a five bucks a month, you guys are the best.

Thank you for being a member of that. I just wanna let you know that those will be, but all the new ones will be just for you and for as long as we can keep them up there. So I just wanna let you guys know that. So you don't get pissed at me, well, what am I paying for? You paid for that.

It's been a year, relax. All the new ones are just you guys. So, and you guys are doing this to you know support creativity Yeah, and why KWD I've been doing it for 10 years for nothing nothing sorry. I just lost for nothing. Sorry. Sorry Not a baggy was it Joe it was a tiny Johnny the karate that's how you You're supposed to protect. Can I say something? I was, I wasn't aware of it, but if I knew. I wouldn't scare me so much, because I did that as a joke,

and you're like, why would you do that to Becky? Yeah. It's like, I didn't mean it. And that's all, stay could just go with that and take away everything. You remember when Kelly and I were opening for you at Leavety Live, and I thought it was funny, and I took a tomato and threw it at Kelly, and it hit her,

and both Kelly and Bobby just looking me in the go, why did you do that? I thought it was funny and I took a tomato and threw it at Kelly and it hit her and and both Kelly and Bobby just looking me and they go Why did you do that? I thought it was gonna be funny. They're both like it's not and Kelly was like no, I've got tomato on my sweat I was like I thought it was gonna be so funny. I can I go hey Bobby Through a fucking tomato adder and everyone's like don't do that. That's the thing with all these people They're gonna set you're like I was trying to be funny. I know it's joking Had nothing and her sweater was a fuzzy sweater It was she was so she thought she looked pretty and then this Maybe she's fuzzy, but if she turned those z's on their sides, it would

it would look like it would funny. Wow. Yeah, wait a go. We're the first one hard. We don't throw it hard. We toss it. I just said I'm suicidal. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hey, Gabby, what do you got? We, you can follow me on Instagram, at Gabby is Brian. I have a podcast called on a bash podcast I have a monthly show called jiggy with it first Wednesday of every month in Brooklyn and then we made this Commercial oh, yes, that he made a commercial commercial commercial Commercial let's watch it. You ready wait wait for Joe. Wait for Joe. This is a commercial There we go. Let's wait for Joe. Here we go. Oh, look at Zach, you look good, very photos, yeah, you clean up dude, look at that butt, what, hey yeah, oh dude, Sam, what are you looking at, bro, I think one of box. Oh, I like it.

I look at Gabby, you ho! Fuck it! Go look at that! Oh, she's doing. Oh, she's got oh she's got the Yeah, look at these two honks touching Great I love it My favorite file I really enjoyed I like the two and I'm so glad that it used Gabby's ass in that I Had a sweatpants song. Thank. I forgot that ass memo didn't wear jeans. Yeah, I'll cover it up

I don't want to see Gabby'sis. But your ass was plump. Thanks. I think a nice juicy butt. They call that. I think Keith Roberts would call your butt. Oh, look at that butt. No, that's juicy butt. And what's your name? Exactly. No, police. Oh my God. She's beautiful. She look great in the hoodie. Totally. Congratulations. Good for you. I put that that's gonna be the videographer Tanner Williams little kinky 69 Yeah, check him out. Thank you very much. And of course Chris Chris is the man Yeah, Chris wrote the script and Zach for acting Zach you're pretty good great acting Zach great Zacti the Oscar both

Exactly Zacti was here. It has a lot of It's a fun fun I'm a pun guy. I like puns and I'm sticking with the pun. Yeah, be funny Punny punny punny and what do you got sweetie? Oh, I'm at human places the easy three on Instagram Great and if you want any of this merch. Oh, yeah, remember to be happy to come Yeah, all the stuff the Buddha the Buddha dudes up there and it's all on sale 20% off 20% off right now For the month only for Christmas You want to get your if you're a fan of this podcast a lot of people want that Buddha one. They love the Buddha

Great And the we are the dudes man if you're a fuck if I see you wearing that shirt at a show I'm telling you right now I'm gonna give you a big hug I want to get that one the we are the dudes of the Buddha look at the Buddha sweatshirt the Buddha. Yeah, haha The dude still can't like it. I found out what the actual symbols mean. A Japanese guy came up to me in LA. Anyway, that means brother. Right. And I was like, no, it means dude. He goes, no. That's so funny. You have been aligned to. Yeah. You have a greater life. You have built your empire on a lot. Mr. Carey, you are a liar. Fired.

Canceled. Canceled. Kudoba. He's canceled. I think Kudoba sounds Japanese. Kudoba. Kudoba. Kudoba, doesn't it?

It does. Or is that bad to say? Kudoba. Kudoba. I gotta go pick Max up at school. Yeah. That's doing so good. Yeah, good kid.

Well, well, he's doing well. Fuck off. Idiot. He's got the one at school. Yeah. I'm doing so good. Yeah. Good. Well, well, you're doing well. Fuck off. Yeah. He's got the one. He just caught me. I was joking. He corrected me this morning. What did I like? What he just did. I forget what it was, but he corrected me. I said something goes, Dad, that's not it. And he told me the right one. And I looked over at dawn. And she was like, I just wanted to go. It's you. Yeah. I know we fuck you with it. You fucking. But all the way real quick shout out to Max for getting those 500 tickets.

Did you see that? Saw that. Son of a bitch. Everybody's whacking the thing with the show. What are you doing? I got, I'm sorry, reading the email. I thought the show was over. No, it's not.

We're still talking. Tell me the stories. I mean, sorry. It's one of the things that freaks me out the most on my podcast. Sure. Some reason people come on this show And they take their phones. Let me tell you what I've been I can tell you why you have never done it Oh, I did and I've been screamed at because of it by who yeah, yeah But I'm here's the thing is it off and now you don't do it and you're a good person

And now you don't do it and you're a good person I'm looking at you. You're a good boy. And now if you wanted to say you're a good boy. You're a good friend. Thank you. And now my other friend is on a stupid phone reading the fucking. I have 19 fucking emails. You said email.

I have all kinds of shick old. I got fucking my wife. I got Bonnie McFarlane. I got Deborah Benning. All these people, I have a, I couldn't be looking at it. But I don't. You just secretly read the message while doing your big. There's no messages. You can't read them. They're right on the thing. I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people I have a lot of people Your phone that means you have no respect for anybody on the show correct here's the thing anybody on the show and and by Fog you don't have respect for this show. I don't know

I'm not a fucking calling anybody out on my foot you look at your dumb phone There's the fucking door man. There's the good boy. There's the curtain man. I retort walk to the curtain I retort my retort. I thought the show was kind of over. We kind of wrapped up. We said, okay, good night everybody. I thought there was good nights happening. The show is from 12 to two. It's after two. You got me from 12 to two.

And I got here early as always. That's always. And it's midday. You're doing the show during the day. You told me to do it all the day. So you were a part of the day. You said day. You said it.

The show, this show changed to nighttime. I didn't like it. I don't like it I can't do it because we do spots and you know what we get But I have to deal with all you went to big. Yeah Bobby helped you Yeah, and now you just did you because you got your own thing. I go no No, I'm with you move the show The show is at 12 on Tuesdays I got a 30 on why? Could we do 12 30 at fucking 12?

I'm not going back home. It's going oh you're fucking too good for Bob. If we can move it to Wednesdays, that would just be Wednesdays. Okay, I think Wednesday. We do double bond fires on Tuesdays. Wednesdays good because Tuesday Thursday I do MMA. From now on we do Wednesdays at 12 and Kelly Flush through cause moving back to the United States. Hello. I'm back Everyone fuck you, Gabby fuck your country. I get out of here. Lewis take your glasses off and kiss me

So Kelly we miss you. All right guys Zach. What do you got? Shut up Kelly, we miss you. Alright guys, Zach, what do you got? Zach, the new guy. I love you Zach. Can we let Redire you most during his plug? At least, come on. You know what, dude, we'll see you next week.