Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - The Yankee Swap
Episode Date: December 22, 2014Robert is joined by Dan Soder, Luis J Gomez, Joe List, Jon Ales, Wil Sylvince, Chris Scopo and Deepu Gill. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...
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Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar.
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Soy el dragón de Fireball.
Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball.
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Yo, pues al lÃo.
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¡You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude!
On the RiotCast Network.
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or visit truecard.com today. like a comic can. It's just us sitting down and sometimes it's hilarious sometimes it's
intense. No topics, no directions, but I love doing it. Okay, we're here.
We're here.
The very special edition, Christmas edition of YKW Day.
The Yankee Swap Annual Land Yankee swap annual late Yankee swap
Dasha into the snow
No one knows all point slay. What is he doing all the way we go?
This is like when the settlers lost in all the way They're like all the songs all the way we go this is like when the settlers Songs all the chigeon white
The boys we had a retardant kick so to be something like
One the way to light just the first time a black person's ever been in the body
What the fuck
Why in the one-horse open sleigh
Jingle babe you guys you guys want to be in the rain there
Happy snow. Oh Jesus
All right, well, this is very anticlimactic now kind of enjoyed it. This is what I mean
We started we tried well under the album called a Haitian Christmas. Is that a Haitian accent? Yes, sir
At Haitian with a speech impediment watch your mouth
Wait, wait, I can't see a mouth. All right. We got to I got to take this off in a couple because it's really hot
Listen, we got a very special for his time
We got
We got a very special Christmas edition. We're starting off pissed off because of who?
Lewis Gomez. I'm gonna go. Lewis J Gomez and it's not my fault.
You dropped the J when you get me angry. Who's it's two. It's you two. Why?
It ain't just what because it's not just Lewis. Why? Go ahead spit it out.
So I'm running around Lewis and he wants to get a very specific gift. Yeah.
And he waits the last two seconds. But what is he waiting for. But what is he waiting wait wait. How long we have do we
get here? And he makes it more difficult. Now here's the thing
I also said you were taking your sweet ass time to see he sex
I'm talking around Bennington. Yeah, you're right. Take your
sweet ass time for 15 minutes a day. We got to go. We got to
go. We got to go. To an outro. That's true. Okay, so it's you
too. What's a bigger show? Okay, but I get to Westville. I get
to the bigger better show. Right. Four o bigger show? Okay, but I get to Westville, I get to the Westford Street. Right.
Four o'clock.
Okay, here's my, okay.
Here's the fucking thing with me, ready?
I, my pet peeve is being late.
I'm never fucking late.
I hate it.
I hate it.
Shut up.
He doesn't know what peeve is.
Pea, no.
Right?
So, so you're, you're, you get here at four o'clock
and what happens?
No, we gotta go get this gift.
Where is it?
In Queens?
Don't tell him why.
Why don't you have to go?
It's obviously at a sex shop, you dumb ape.
Clearly.
I don't know, by the way, I'm literally walk to six
and have it into a sex shop.
You got a fucking goat, I almost just gave it up.
Yeah, it's a fucking dildo.
We walk over to Broadway.
Why do you go with them?
Is it that big?
Yeah.
It's a blob doll?
It's a good gift.
It's a good gift. It's under 20 bucks, right? Yeah, it was 20
Exactly like 18 bucks and it's got thought behind it
Hey, this is what it's a good gift and furiates me about Lewis. Hold on wait. There's all these you just stop there
She just anger you. Yeah, and then like he's got this like just fucking child like sweetness about no
He's got shit in one hand and fucking a present in the other and I love the present
He loved the present but then the shit slapping you right in the face
Why you go away?
Good friend you let us all down. I didn't let everybody down. We're five minutes late on a podcast a 12 minutes late
And you're supposed to be here early and then I get yelled at for not calling you
No, where are you? Well, if he got yelled at anyway, if he had called, well, he's
supposed to call when people aren't here and the time is supposed to be here and he was
supposed to be here. We lied to him. Well, you didn't lie. I know I didn't. I did was
I originally lied to him and then I sent a mass text out to all three of these guys and
I and I colluded him in the thing. Because why? Because why? Why did you do that? Why did
I double check? Yeah, why did you do that? Why would you put him in the chat in that text in the text?
Yeah, why would you forgot that we lost all the time? I saw him outside of the vigilance they say and is a comedian
This is fun. I love this is most unhappy Christmas one. We've ever done a great moon and I'm in a great with the gut here at 408 pm
I was here at three. You wait. Yeah, it's your show you dumb dumb
My mic is too low to this
Sorry, I can't it's too hot and this my lips are going numb. Did you put like hot sauce inside?
Succubus Larry listen here's the deal. I knew it was gonna be fucked up because of this one. That's why I said lie to him
415 because then they would have been here at 430
I also say you gotta stand up my do this else might I am I said 415 and because of him
They would have walked they would have rolled in there running we're late with late, but it would be 430
It would have been perfect. He would have been a serious with him and said no, damn it. No 4 30 Robert Dean Robert
Yes, we also tried to get a cab and we cannot get one so we had a
From serious with then also they had to stop it. I love Bobby's like the energy you had explaining that you're like
Don't you understand we're gonna make money we're gonna to water It's like very passionate. It's a shundon lean pressure. It really shunned yeah, I
Scoble go around the room and it should do everybody alrighty to my left. We have
We'll still events here guys gosh you get with these
We go what is it one-horse open sleigh?
What is one what is all the way we go?
Laughing all the way we go
All the Children are white
Why say you get that of my hometown and then that is the real as dude Lewis J. Go this rattlesnake real as your name is
He's Lus. J. Goleys. What a rattle snake. Real. I have a fuck your name is.
What I mean, that's the best of comedy.
Oh, that's the most accurate description of you.
Yeah, you're a nobody now.
I got.
Oh, God.
Then we have monster voice dance soda here.
Who's that?
Who's that disenfranchised Dan?
Oh, hey, my guy, hey, my guy, Nick name.
Yeah, I was.
Well, we can't say it was a near.
I was waiting for it.
I knew Joe's's gonna reach for that
What's my every have the truth? What's your list? Yo, what's up? What's up? What's up dogs?
All right, and then we have straight from the set of sex jobs in rock and roll Johnny ails. I got nothing. Yeah
That's all he had yo. Do I got a nickname? Yeah, what is it? We can't tell you know we get it on the air
So I don't know what you mush mouth. I don't know. What is it? I'm chicken bones very cool shit
What you want a cool nickname? We'll get one by the end of the show black
We got it of course we got depo
The what do we call on you again my title changes every week?
What is it this week? This week it's live stream operator live stream
I like a rock team technical director. I like and we got the producer of the show Chris go po
We got Adrian here who is a top intern producer exec
Power bottom power bottom. I'm turning and then if you're looking over here his name is Connor
Big fan of the show
And he is the YKWD hero gift drive person
Good dude he donated
First of all I want to say before I give him this him. Oh, you want to clap from Gwen?
I thought it would be nice thing to do yeah clap. She knew he did for this but yeah
He actually donated $500 to the gift drive through Amazon gift cards and you actually did something else too, right?
Wasn't this something else you jerked off on every one of them.
No.
And he actually, we put that out there.
Joe actually came up with the idea.
We put it out there and he actually did it.
500 dollars to the gift drive.
He actually got hoodies and hats and scarfs.
He got an Xbox One for the Alliance House.
He did a lot of great shit with that money.
He also just started nine fist fights in the Alliance house.
Oh.
You're not trying to play that shit.
Like, fuck you.
It was all started from a good play.
So with that, we did a lot of stuff, buddy.
So thank you very much.
And I want to thank everybody.
We raised hundreds of toys for these kids.
I dropped off of, well, we got hundreds and hundreds of toys for these kids. I dropped off of, well, we got hundreds and hundreds
of toys for these kids.
I mean, hundreds of kids, literally,
oh, I think it's over 400 kids are getting toys
because of this podcast, because of you guys.
That's good to know, man.
So, and my wife, Don, came up with the idea.
We dropped them off in NAC last Saturday.
We went down there with a bunch of teenage.
Just like Santa.
James, James. Yeah, good. James, you get his gift by January 10th from the drive
I liked it was great. I think it's a tough crowd
Where's the bomb data?
Yeah, I don't think it's your bomb data cuz I got a good time. I like it. I loved it
Yeah, I'm where your kids gonna wind up. I'm so back a seat man
No, well, I just shut it down. You're not forcing this band in.
I mean, I got a legitimate laugh.
I'm fighting that out here.
I'm with you.
I'm in a Peel's court.
Here's the deal.
We got hundreds and hundreds of toys.
I'm talking hundreds of toys.
We brought them down to the teenage boys on Saturday.
Tomorrow, we're bringing them down to the kids.
The sexy ones.
Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ.
The little kids, we're bringing them down tomorrow.
I'm putting a photo up when I deliver them tomorrow and then Saturday, no, Monday, we go
to a lion's house in which is NFI, which I was in, which I worked at, we're dropping
off a bunch of stuff for them.
Tollles, you know, stuff like they need towels.
We got a big oversized towels.
We got them. We got them in these towels. Because dude, when you're in in one of these places they give you these shit
towels that have been there for fucking seven years and it's a little crappy fucking towels and you
you'll be surprised that how important a fucking brand new awesome towel is to somebody when you
don't have shit. We got them an Xbox one, we got him some games, we got a basketball soccer, soccer ball,
we got a bunch of stuff for him.
So you guys who donated, you're a fucking amazing.
Thank you so much for participating.
It's the first year, we're gonna do it next year.
You guys are awesome.
I will have pitches up and you guys really did
an amazing job and you should be proud of yourself.
So, and thank you guys just prepping the word
for tweeting it and doing all that stuff.
We've done that for the idea.
Connor?
No, she didn't, oh, that idea.
Yeah, that's a great idea.
Yeah, he's actually coming to our show tomorrow night.
We got him tickets and he's gonna be backstage.
That's awesome.
We're gonna be at tomorrow night.
Tomorrow night we're at the Paramount Theater
and Huntington Beach Long Island, me, Dan Soda,
and Huntington Beach Huntington. Huntington Beach Long Island, me, Dan Soda, and- And Huntington Beach Huntington.
Huntington Beach is in the-
Where is it? Where is it?
Where is it?
Harttonton, he's from Venice Beach, California.
Long Island, next to it.
Paramount.
The Paramount, I don't know.
Huntington, I don't know what the fuck that is.
I can't read it. I can't, I can't,
let me just finish.
You're in the middle of fucking tank and the kids drive.
And you hear me a fucking note from keep the cop
I'm fucking thank the people who donated to children
No, we are promoting your show
Even more important than the kids tomorrow night. We have to sell out. We have to make this money. It's hilarious We got the kids we got we got you lose
We got you lose
I like the jar got all you have to tell your story after this Yeah, what is this whatever?
What is this intimidating stair sheet you do now dude? I I didn't what is it?
What is this what is this fucking angry stair sheet you know what are you talking about?
Someone says some mean shit to you just stare at him
He's mad man because y'all yelled at a machine man
I got blamed for fucking dance order can never get blamed
He went in for the freaking nice
Dan said mad shit cuz y'all gonna be five minutes late. Thank you
I only understood 20% what he just said but I think he's on my side
You had 12 minutes late and actually if you they were supposed to be here 415 so 15 plus 12 do the math will
27 45 minutes late man. No, that's not it. What's up?
Let me say right now are we doing a crossover? I don't know what are you hello?
Yeah, I don't have the technology to do this. I'm holding you the phone up to a microphone
Because I don't have hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars or
subscribers to build a death star.
You're watching me watching you watching me. I see get a drink spy with the fuck. What do you mean? You have your show on right now?
And when you're on my show and I'm on your show
Why don't we just get CB radios
We've got excited it's to be a great show.
First of all, the theater, I mean,
every, I've never been there, and everybody keeps telling me
that it's the best place to see a comedy show.
It's an amazing theater.
Have you been?
I think I was there once to see like blue oyster cult.
That's where you know you're an alcoholic.
I think I was there once.
It's like 10 minutes down the road from his house
We got the beautiful dance sodas coming. Oh, yes
We got
So I just forget
I forget
Yeah, I'm gonna go downstairs and come back up and we'll talk or something and and then I just like left
Anthony pulled a real good my dad move
I'm right here for you buddy, and I'm like dad
He left and didn't say nothing to bet it will a fucking Lewis dad move get stabbed outside
An angry thing my dad was murdered in're making fun of it a week before Christmas.
Too racist.
I'm sorry.
This is gonna be fodder for his masturbation session later.
Oh.
Well, I'm very excited to be hanging out with you guys
tomorrow.
Yeah, Paramount gonna be loud.
Fun.
You're gonna be, you're gonna be on your street team. go out front and hand out some stickers and then take the fans for some
drink afterwards all right so it's gonna be there will so Vance is gonna be there
you remember well right I'll be hung up hello are you there are you there oh
you're the new one oh hang on hello? Are you there? Oh, there they are. Sorry. My fat finger hit the mute button.
Oh, thanks. I was just plugging the show. Oh, well, yeah. Tomorrow night, a Joe list is going to be the heavy heavy
Joe on your show. Not yet, but I think he's good. He's great. Yeah. So we're gonna. Yeah, tomorrow night you're
your street team. Just sick as I know. You, huh, you got the street team outside after passing out some stickers and then we're all going over to a bar
What bar is it?
I think it's a pay trily's opus
But brothers play. Yeah, it was a candy bar
What did you say? Huh?
I think that pay trily's opus brothers place will go over there and grab some
beverages with some of the
More rambunctious fans. I sounds cool man. I will I will see you tomorrow
All right, Bobby. Thanks, man. Let it brother say goodbye to Anthony everybody
Well Jesus, I might have to take this hat off. I think I'm getting dizzy. I'm gonna take these glasses off
Hey remember your line at the pizza place what Bobby take us up for pizza last week
And then you ate 1100 slices in eight minutes
Bobby goes I hate to fast my feet feel wet
First of all by the far the funniest thing you've ever said I don't think you're not funny
I think you've got some good stuff occasionally
This is what I don't like about it first of all Dan when you said that I know that you guys were fucking yapping behind my back
After I left you went did you see how much fucking PT he ate and so fast not at all
Oh, I talked to Sarah about it. He talked to his girlfriend. I talked to mine too. I go listen
We stopped start stopping by Bobby's house with some salads
You took down some pizzas like he meant business.
I talked to my girlfriend and I was like,
we don't know what addiction is.
Well, we're all set.
We're good.
We can get back out there.
We're just going to have a drink.
We can have an occasional drink.
Bobby would literally order, ask me for another slice
before I finish eating my, like, a bite.
I do a bite.
He's like, give me another pepperoni.
I'd hand it to him.
I'm like, go ahead. I'm like, what are you saying? he's like, give me another pepperoni, I'd hand it to him,
and they go from a bite.
I was like,
they were all of six large pies,
I'm like, there's four of us,
and a baby.
It's like Lucy,
and I love Lucy with the chocolates,
just kept turning around,
just kept coming out faster and faster.
We ordered three pies and a small one.
No, we ordered like four.
We ordered four, five,
three large, three large and one small.
They were all stacked on top of each other
You guys are all wrong. It's three large and a medium. I just said that Bobby's mouth is getting wet
I just said that I said three pizza's in a small one. Yeah, that's what I said you said medium
It was a large and a whatever, but who'd you took that home? How many slices were left?
Why we took it to I gave it to home was all my pizza for 20 minutes man
What's pizza and I give it to a black homeless person
So why are you pointing at will cuz he's black Bobby?
Bob not homeless. I didn't know you dress almost
I'm gonna bomb in there and fit in the laughs of harder to zone you
It's a bomb. Dan. I yas it's a fucking shot up, dude.
Kiss my ass.
Why I'm sick of it.
Why you stop?
What is this angry shit?
What is this angry shit?
You should be angry.
And you should be angry.
You should be angry.
Because you're fucking angry.
You said you were angry.
But you said it.
I'm better.
You do seem better.
But you're still angry.
Neither one of you should be angry.
You should be apologetic and jovial.
Did you tell Joe about the first?
Of course he drove you along.
What? He was through an egg at me once. That's what I'm saying. You do seem better, but you're still angry. You're neither one of you should be angry. You should be apologetic and jovial. Did you tell Joe about the first?
Of course, he drove you along, man.
I was through an egg at me once.
That's the story.
Why would you ruin the story like that?
That's the beginning of the story.
Is that the beginning?
That's what I told you and you were like,
what are you talking about?
And then I got into details of the story.
Wow, you go backwards.
Look at that, I first met him,
fucking whipped an egg at my head.
And he said, there's why I didn't like him for a long time.
Why did you whip an egg?
Because he's a fucking lunatic. Why did you do that Why did you do that? Wait, wait, wait, what's
been your egg? Was it Halloween? I was at Nate Bargatsy's house.
Is that what you're doing Halloween? The day before
Halloween. Yeah.
The egg is going Halloween. This is why you can't jump to it.
You're going to pick something else.
I was eating them. Good. Go. Did you know each other in high school?
No, no. Eggs get thrown at each other when you're very young.
Late 20. That was good. Yeah. That was a good. I was let I got a Nate's house. This is in this is literally in New York City
Oh, oh my god in Queens in Queens hang out at Nate Bargatsy's house. Wonderful comedian shout out your name would stop dog
My my son's godfather right wise pick. Yeah
Yeah, it is great story man, so anyways, I pick Quinn
So I
That's a way better pick Lewis lived in the Nate's basement. I think at the time or whatever
So Lewis comes up so I'm like it's time for me to leave because Lewis is a lunatic and I don't want a part of him
Right, so I'm gonna leave I'm getting in my car 8 7-B you eccentric
I'm getting that pulling open in the door. You got to really kind of work it to get the door open
You know, yeah, we know you poor and. And Lewis goes, hey, they list.
And I look over and there's an egg just flying at me.
I duck in the nick of time.
It fucking hits my windshield.
It just shatters all over the fucking car.
So there's egg and he's like, oh, he barks.
And I think call me a Jew or something.
And then just gets back and I was like,
that guy's a fucking animal.
Yeah. And I hated it. And then just gets back and I was like, that guy's a fucking animal. And I hated.
And I hated.
And then finally he said some time magazine
to the thing about who's your hero.
And he's like,
Jailless is my idol and I was like,
I lifted my band.
And he asked, he asked a block.
He asked like, he's like,
the magazine, you were fucking,
you weren't nice to me,
you hated me, boo boo boo.
And like, yeah, it almost fucking killed me.
What the hell is it?
It was a fucking Josh, dude.
But you don't even know what a Josh.
Throwing a fucking real egg at somebody's head
that you don't know is a joke.
What's a Josh?
I knew him.
You didn't know him?
He didn't know you.
It's a fuck and he's up stairs too.
And like 100 you guys.
So it's flying.
That gravity into that.
That's fucking.
I thought it was gonna hit like the four 10 feet before
and then get into his shoes. I thought you didn't hit like the four, 10 feet before and then get into a shoe.
I thought you didn't remember it.
You just said you didn't remember it.
No, no, I said I remember it.
What are you talking about?
Oh, you said earlier, I didn't remember it.
He didn't remember it.
Yeah, I didn't remember until he brought it up.
Yeah, because he just,
because you don't remember the bad that you do.
You don't remember the good that you do.
I, all I know, interesting thing.
That is a very interesting thing that you just said.
There's a lot less things to remember
Is that one set and
I guess you were there when Lewis James was born
Yeah, it was jerking off on the bathroom
Please and I had brunch together the other day we did how was it that was good who paid we split look I played with the baby He is split one pays the other one pays the next time who split
I suppose we man, we have one yeah, we're all friends one pays and then the other one pays
You know split like fucking two lesbians wait, so we have to pay for your pizza next time now you don't pay for my pizza
I pay for the pizza why?
Now you don't pay for my pizza I pay for the pizza why because I am
I don't like that 90 you literally said the same joke and fucking for different ways
You all fucking jumped on that card. Oh you
You brought cookies he bought cookies for you. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I remember the cookies that night wow That was you got so angry like what do you mean boxers for everybody?
That night. Wow, that was, you got so angry. Like, what do you mean by cooking for everybody?
I was like, you were head-med cookies.
Which, we're who, we're who got all these cookies.
You did, we Instagram with the moment.
How about the guy at the fucking pizza place
who was kind of that angry face?
And I went, hey, did we do something
to fucking piss you off?
No, why?
I don't know, because your face,
I go, your face seems angry.
Remember that? What was this?
At the pizza place. Yeah. Well, with a pizza, he was just fucking I know because your face, I go, your face seems angry. Remember that? What was this?
That's the pizza place.
Yeah.
Well, with a pizza, he was just fucking finger.
I was going to score, but you weren't invited.
I was there.
I was there.
He was there.
He was there.
No, he was there.
You fucking asshole.
I swear to God, I don't remember a scope of scope of it.
It's like every episode of this show.
Did you know your baby was shot?
Jesus Christ.
Nothing.
You don't fight back at all.
It's like fighting a fucking retard, honestly. Wow, that's what I- Did you know your baby was crazy? Jesus Christ! Nothing! You don't fight back at all!
It's like fighting a fucking retard, honestly.
Wow, that's fighting back.
Is it more skilled than you?
Yeah, basically.
Anyways.
Alright, so let's look, I really want to thank you.
Did you guys buy gifts for the gift drive?
No.
I did.
You did?
Thank you, what did you get?
I'm getting my tomorrow.
All the 12 inch Marvel action figures. That's you? Yeah, and then a lot of the Legos and crayons were given that all to the little kids
Yeah, the little boys. I hope you don't give me the team. Well, you know what the teenagers would like them
They would have might have sawdemised each other with it. Yeah, they're not what the fuck it is
You fuck with you. I'm the black voice for them and now they're sawdemising each other. I didn't do black voice
I play it back you said motherfucker. That's black voice. How's that black voice? That's racist
You think motherfucker belongs to I am not racist. Yeah, you are you already said mean things about will will is the best host at the comedy
Cellar and he's a dear friend and he's hilarious and he's great
You're a politician backtracking right now. I've had lunch with them bigger than the pictures of us having lunch
We never lunch, but I would have lunch with you. You want to lunch will let's have lunch all right great. We'll split
We never lunch but I would have lunch with you. You want to lunch will let's have a lunch all right great. We'll split
So then So you bought gifts I want to give yeah, he brought it over the house actually
You buy the gifts for Lewis the gifts are pretty much for people like you so you don't have to buy anything if you need something
Let me know
The band-aid earlier. Yeah, hey hold on you physically buy the gifts Oh, you buy I had a different angle on your bomb my Amazon
You've basically buy the gifts and you bring them to some place on your bomb my Amazon
You and you have a ship to that place that you think that's basically in the actual Amazon
I get them bring them physically that I don't I don't like your hand gestures for both of those scenarios with the same exact ones
Well, I'll answer I left one finger up for one and
We'll all answer. I left one finger up for one and boy,
I'm going to get the other.
No, you can order them off Amazon,
haven't you?
We got a PO box specifically for that.
So we go and it was just for toys.
So we would know, we didn't want it,
because we had stuff coming in,
don't buy a bicycle.
Why not?
Because, dude, who the fuck's gonna,
one kid's gonna get a fucking marvel doll
and the other kid's gonna get a bike?
That's good ones. That's not a perfect one. I'm gonna put a monopoly game so they can trade the money
I almost kept the Hulk was really hard some of those toys. I was like
I was fucking just been fump into my fucking into my office
The Wolverine was cool, but dude the fucking Hulk one is bigger than all them
And then they you had the fucking Star Wars watch I was fucking.
I didn't do Star Wars watch.
Oh, that was somebody else.
That was me.
First of all, you know Bobby kept some of the gifts.
I did not keep one gift at all.
It's stuck under your shirt right now.
That's my stomach.
Oh.
I.
Ha, ha, ha.
Who an Adrian, you bought some gifts.
What'd you get?
I got a bunch of LEGOs and...
Born shit.
He got a long board. A long board... Born shit. He got a long board.
A long board.
He has a personality of a long board.
What's a long board?
A long board like a cooking board?
It's like a skateboard.
A second iron board.
He can buy a long board by Ken Bond bicycle.
He didn't buy it.
He didn't buy it.
He confiscated it.
The other stuff.
Yeah, the other stuff he bought.
He actually bought the LEGOs and the basketballs and all the stuff which is great
But you want to buy bicycle? Of course you I'm just kidding you can buy a bicycle
But it's fucking Christmas the deadline was already done. It's so late. Yeah, it's too late right now
Yeah, why because Christmas is next week. So what that mean what that mean? What does that mean?
You want me to throw the dozen there? It means Christmas is next week
Yeah, here's big face ship stuff That mean, what does that mean? Do you want me to throw the dozen there? It means Christmas is next week. Yeah.
They face ship stuff for S&P.
You can't be as clotted.
They ship stuff for.
What's up with language that you talking Christmas next week?
Oh, Joe, you're gonna get all over Lewis for that?
Yeah, well, I was really proud.
That was pretty weak.
Hate.
Yeah, thank you.
And Connor, of course, did a fucking,
I mean, that was just amazing that he did that.
That really helped out. So it was too late late then it's to buy a bicycle yes I'm not
fucking so I can buy a regulatory then well if you'd like I will make sure they
get them yes okay I'll do that if you want it what are you gonna buy okay give me
three good options I'll go about bike but give me to go to the website
robocadolive.com slash gifts. And there's
actually options up there for you for different age brackets
and different, you know, races.
I'm kidding.
Okay, we actually, we gave a bunch of the teenage stuff to a
bunch of kids last Saturday. And there's one of the kids was
is he's in a wheelchair and he's actually a stand-up comedian
and Lewis gave a...
Spired as a...
No, Lewis gave a great gift.
It's sort of a gift to this kid.
He gave him stage time at the job.
He hooked it up, he didn't give it to him.
He hooked it up through the people that run LOL to go up
because he's got a wheelchair so he can't go to go up because he can't he's got a wheelchairs
So we can't go to the cell. He can't go to but that they have an elevator there. No, we looked at his tape
We haven't given him an answer yet, but we'll see what happens
What are you what are you talking about you're gonna give him five minutes? I know the book are really well
So I'll take care of it. Yeah, are you figuring b-brown? So are you figuring b?
That's serious. Why will you hit well me as a question the other day when you have a lunch with her what the why will you do in that? Oh?
Personal I can't talk about that. No seriously. What the sleep Lewis. She needs a way out. Are you fucking around?
Your acting is so bad that I hope you're fucking around
Me no scope of his acting is I'm not he he was it we went to the fucking
Richie a mall take a time the rich
You mall me and don't walk around with max going old. Maybe to pick up some hat today
You saw him with B. I saw him at the fucking Cuban restaurant with B and James. Oh
Boy, that's just we're just cool
I'm gonna just really scuffle on the
This I would Camera though something the law I would count that as my Yankee's
Who's big that's a Lewis's girlfriend?
Why he fucking the girlfriend? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding Lewis
Scratching your head
This hat is making my fucking scalp it's what I said. That's why we're with God damn hat, too
You want to take the who wants to take that off raise your head?
Then take them off. Yeah, you want to fucking take them off? I know disappointed mom voice
I'll help you clean the kitchen while everyone goes watching football that's sad mom voice I Just worked all funny day to do this
It was the air crisis episode
I mean I went and told what the fuck did you just say that's usually white mom black moms don't take what a black mom beat that ass
White mom be like I'll put the hat on you no black mom black
But that's black mom. I know no I'm taking it white moms do that
Black moms be all like can you come down to the kitchen white moms be whipping that ass
Mother fuck
They push push the strollers in front of cars Get a little suit Right, that's the only way my mother told me that
What? Are you kidding me?
My mother when I was learning how to drive
I swear to God
I swear to God
I wish that could be the name of the podcast
Yes, all right, so look in Rockland County
There's I said this time, well some bonus show the other day
Joe's doing math over here
When I was learning how to drive when I was 16
There's an area in Rockland County along root 59
One area is called Spring Valley One area is called Muncie I'm putting a driver, when I was 16, there's an area in Rockland County along Route 59. One area is called Spring Valley, one area is called Muncie.
I'm putting my disguise back on, so I can't be implicated into this.
There's nothing implicated, listen, good.
My mother said that she's dead, so the juice won.
So a juice won.
So she said when it was learning how to drive, she was like when you're driving to Spring
Valley, there's a lot of Haitians, lock your doors, because they'll just jump right in
your car.
Very true. Yeah, they do. Yeah. Wait a minute.
Why do they jump in? Isn't that how we'll got in here? They jumped in one day when the door was open?
I think will. Is that true? That's not true. I do those racists for those. Why do they jump in the
cup? Why would they jump in the car? They don't have houses. They're trying to live there.
Why you why you? Can I take this car door for my house
You are not going to use this laptop. I'm going to put it on my roof. I got you to have for the next the new host of
Last comic see I don't NBC
Lewis go hey, how you doing and then they cut to this why you why give me the door
So the Jews then when you go down root 59 and they have the TMZ thing
Go ahead and you go down root 59 yeah, I'm a monthy, which is a very very large Jewish population
Yeah, and my mother that's what he asked true when I was a lot of
Kind of Jews see dick or acidic Jews yeah
So he said when you're driving to Muncie watch out because the Jews will push their stroller in front of your car
So they can sue you really yeah, so what's was a hasty jumping your car a freaking Jew making you hit they bet you baby
You baby
I'm gonna go hasten I'm gonna go take an advice from a Puerto Rican mom
She's like my mother was Italian Irish your mother Italian Irish? Yeah, all of Lewis' back stories just get darker
and darker like his life lessons
that he learned when he was a kid.
Like the first time he told us that his mom made him go
to all the people that bullies house
and fight them in front of her.
What happened?
Like some Scott Pilgrim versus the world.
Do I remember that?
Yeah.
Yeah, I was hit on here.
Yeah, I like that.
Every story that sticks out to me is when him
and Justin Silver took
Naked lie naked and jerked off next to each other as a to fuck with big J who was in the bathroom as a
Goof You got butt naked and jerked off one other he jerked up
He was like yeah, dude. How funny would be if we got hard right now?
Like do it would be funny. It always bad to get a jerk off me hard
It's gonna come out. I'm gonna get hard.
It's gonna come out.
We'll both be hard, naked, and a bed with each other.
How you got hard?
I didn't get hard.
I didn't get hard.
Commitment to a joke.
Yeah.
Every one of Lewis's stories is just dark.
And it's like, well, I learned about hard work
because my mom put me in a ditch.
They said, if you want to get out of here, crawl out.
And you're like, God, damn, that must have scarred you.
She was a good mom.
Oh Jesus, I know, all right, what the fuck man?
You're in a emotional rollercoaster today.
You mean, and then you're sad, and then, you know,
what the fuck?
And you're racist?
I mean, super rude.
I would racist throughout all of those other emotions,
by the way, that's just a track your own. And I'm not racist, dude. I just tell like it is. I'm a real ass dude. You guys know that
No, you racist. Yeah, you're absolutely racist. Yeah, 100%
Like it is is racist it's 2014 dog. What the fuck does that speaking of race?
Kelly for stuka actually emailed me oh
I'm speaking of race Kelly for stuka actually emailed me
You got to read the thing in her voice. I swear to God. I was praying that she was one of the people under in the Sydney siege
Why really? Well, you know, it's still I love Kelly. You know fuckingator. Do you hate her? I love kidding dude
I'll picture a part of a week. We have to have Dan Rita. Oh, his voice
You know what first things first
I pop up is regorah honey's dummies
What's up, honey? I want you to apologize to Kelly for saying that damn it. Yeah, apologize
This guy. Oh, we got the coupons bring up the coupon thing there. Okay, which one are you gonna use right now?
Actually, you know what you don't have to apologize Kelly. I take that back. I'm sorry
You appreciate it. Oh, I want you to compliment Kelly. Oh
Hang on now I get a count to three and then you compliment her I think from more than three seconds
He's in the first one to count to first 500. No, we're gonna count to three and you say something very nice about Kelly
Genuinely genuinely one. Oh, so you said immediately the other day one
What I say to immediately the other day. One.
What do I say to you the other day?
Do you give me a hint?
No.
One.
I was just suffering without her.
I did say that.
Did you really say that?
How long is it?
Shhh.
One, two, three.
Kelly for Stuka.
You.
It's gonna be real, bro.
Compliment. It's a compliment. It's gonna be real, mean real bro. You have to compliment has to be real you
Play a clip of hers to refresh him
Dan can you do her voice for him really quick?
Hi, hello
It's me. I got it. Hey, but wait that actually put me in the mode
I got I've pictured Kelly
I got a picture Kelly I remember you are amazing with my son and I appreciate the parents that you you babysittered it
I wanted to steal them, but they wouldn't allow me to take them on the boat
She took a plane back
It's not just like that
Baby sat
So that one we actually have a
Deep will put a thing up that one is put the check next to that. Did you do it?
I returned it checked off
the thing up, that one is put the check next to that. Did you do it?
I returned it.
Checked off.
So anyways, let's,
we're gonna go on to just a couple of things
that are fucking crazy.
First of all, we wrapped up,
we'll talk about that definitely.
We wrapped up sex drugs and rock and roll.
Congratulations.
Yeah.
Congratulations.
So you can lose weight now?
I have to.
They actually, they actually wrote it in.
Ah!
The fucking spoilers. No spoilers. Jesus. I'm gonna lose weight Bobby gets AIDS in season two
Get's a season one and then yeah, we get a we got a big cliffhanger at the end
Yeah, we got a haven AIDS we have secretly fucked everybody else he had AIDS and then he was like I want to solve
He secretly fucked everybody else he had AIDS and then he was like I want to solve the same. I was giving AIDS.
Yeah, he was giving.
It was.
That's what you got for Yankee Swap for.
Sorry, dude.
Next you we should do a Yankee come swap.
Oh, it's true blue.
So come on, cheap.
All right, Red Sox come swap.
Terrible.
Thank you, Chief.
It's a fucking bandana. Itrible. Hanky Sheeve. Hanky Sheeve.
It's a fucking bandana.
It's a bomb, Danny, you fucks.
Right from the round, your microphone to remind you of your stupidity.
Dredo, Dredo, Dredo, Dredo, Dredo, we will play.
Dredo, Dredo, Dredo, Dredo, I'm made it at a clay.
That's it?
Give me a hand of Hanky Sheeve.
Put me in the oven.
It's supposed to be a joke, I was saying. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So if everyone went, ah, that was hilarious Lewis you would have been like I would have been like it wasn't a joke guys
It was a song. Okay. So anyways, let's talk about this the
You know, do you know what's good? What do you got?
I'm gonna give Joe one of my real-life coupons. Whoa, no transfer ability
Read the fine print depends on the font issuers consent
So which one were you gonna give to Joe because I'm the issuer and I don't know what those other words mean But I think I got a new relation. I'm definitely gonna use this right now, but five minutes podcast
Skopos time and I'm gonna buy you a Puerto Rican time this would be the best five minutes Lewis ever does
I am ready ready and Mother
One
Let me tell you some about Lewis though honestly God he it was he the one
He's the one who you would have been here on time. Yeah, you were fucking around
But you would have been on a time. He's the one who made you late. I knew I was I knew I'm always here on time right always on time
Yeah, never late, and if you wait wait right it's one of my pet peeves. It's a pet peeve because
Frantically walking across town. We can't get a cab. It's cold. Right. We're gonna get his gift
Did he not care? They say fuck Bobby? No, but he was really dead. That was a pause and dance a nice guy
No, no, no, no, he was more like a
No pantomime mean that's not in the
You can't you can't pantomime I don't want a pantomime mean that's not in the You can't you can't pantomime I don't want a pantomime
By the way Bobby just in case you're wondering
Sucking okay, yes, yes, yes, well, where's yes pregnant?
You're sucking coffee.
Amy eating.
Amy.
Amy.
What?
Do you remember Amy from Congo?
Yeah.
I told you the ape of the sideline group.
Maybe Lewis could become a mind.
That's success.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, you can move to Amsterdam.
You're fucking asshole.
Pay yourself silver.
This is called a mind club.
This coupon really makes me feel like, uh like when you shut the window on a noisy day
Actually makes me feel like when I'm inside and the Puerto Rican day parades outside. I just feel safe right now
How could I get any word here?
Oh
You can't have a wordy bandana. Yeah, he can if it doesn't get a laugh you do well he can laugh he would laugh rapping around you uh what I'd fuck you I'm losing weight first of all so fuck off
yeah we know when you know what Dan you're a fucking ass why am I not asking because
that hurt why I know you're gonna do it he's needing healthy food for a few days
I'm gonna test to that I fucking
taking the cheese off some of the cheese off the pieces not hitting healthy friends
You laugh that's a fuck that's not a joke. He's being serious. He's not what he's doing. He's not doing that
I fucking I ate fucking ate really good you a who is did that as a fucking stand-up New York labs poker party took all the cheese off the pizza
We and then fucking and the eight the cheese. There's cupcakes you didn't need them.
No, I was drinking two meals.
He was making the last night I ate fucking ring dings
and donuts.
What?
And I had hamburgers, fried rice, homemade ring dings,
and homemade doughnuts.
We had the rap party last night.
They were delicious.
They were delicious on it.
Mm, delicious.
Home made ring dings.
Yeah, like just walking around.
Yeah, just as many as you want.
Yeah. That's like your opium, then. Oh, like just walking around. Yeah, just as many as you want. That's like your opium dead. Oh, I don't. Hey, where did let's go? Lewis, he's still here.
Oh, I'm sorry. He's still here. Yeah. I don't think this counts, dude. You're silent, bro,
which means you get no attention. What is that? By the way, make a rap party joke. No,
that's a terrible, give him the band band and I don't give him the band
and the only one who's ever got the band and your silence by the way this is
also coming okay I like that one don't you know you can't grab it I'm fucking
unloading on him I got him in the corner I'm just gonna keep throwing fucking
hey man yeah I am this whole thing with uh... with uh... the the movie and sony pictures and
in north korea
is fucking that's isn't it
we don't talk about the show we got we don't like my show
that's wrapped it i mean we really can't talk about too much right
i think you can how long you we sweet tweeding all that
it's how i how it's a half hour show how long is the editing product like how
long until they've already had it in five shows
We were supposed to be aired in April and they switched it they switched it to July
Because they wanted us to be the 10 o'clock show instead of the 10 30 show
Okay, because that we were gonna be the
Billy Crystal show would have been the anchor at 10 and we would be after him
Yeah, they want us to be the 10 o'clock show and And also, there's a lot of shit going on in April,
sweeps and all this stuff that's happening.
So it would have been a weird time for us to come in,
but now in July, you think it's the summer and all that,
but the way people watch shows now, they DVR, blah, blah, blah.
It's actually not a bad thing.
It's a great day.
Yeah, we don't know yet.
We don't know yet.
That's rumored from Monday's at 10.
I think Monday's at 10. It's a good yet. I've rumored from Monday's it 10. I think Monday's it 10
I think Monday's I think too, but we saw a clip we saw a clip of
A gag real kind of but it was actually it looks great. It visually it looks fucking awesome. Yeah, that's really good
Bobby Salarious, yeah, I'm mug and indicate now he doesn't they't. They didn't fight. Here's what Lewis is doing in his silence.
Here's the thing they did it.
He doesn't, he never fucks up a line.
He always knows this shit.
He always knows this cue.
He's like the most professional actor on the set.
Everybody else, we fuck up our lines.
We fucking wind up in the wrong spot.
And we literally, okay, let me do it it again He never did that one fucking time so because of that I didn't make the blooper real
All right, Lewis you can go
You can talk to Lewis
Found a text to speech app and I'm writing Bobby is
I found a text to speech app and I'm writing Bobby is
Well, but this was good. It was good. We know Bobby is sad
Why would you just why would you just keep going with it? I might have to be silent again
Very soon you could have just remain silent
Yes, there's another silence one. Oh, yes
Well, I don't know you use the other silence one. I want to do it at the end of the episode so we can't give any plugs Data
Um, I the other it was a 10 minutes one to five minute one was used already
It was you have that no you took it and you ripped them up. No, I didn't do that one was already used
No, no was it in the chat was that I have 10 minutes of silence on a podcast
No, hang on one second. Do poo. No, they said no, I've let you said everyone
No, yeah, they said no honor. You're super fan
Connor I will literally beat you do put he just fucking donated to kids well
I'm not one of those kids motherfucker. I said chat fans. All right. Here's a deal. That's a fat chance
Chat fan you you rip them up. You rip them up. You call fat chats
rip them up. You rip them up. You call them fat chats. Fat chats. Fat chats.
Here's the thing about Lewis.
Fat chats. He's just fat.
What is it? Fat chats.
He's so negative all the time.
Yeah, all the time.
That it just brings people down.
Right. It's the holiday episode.
Yep. Which is about positivity.
Yeah, about giving.
About giving.
About giving.
About giving.
So right here, today I make a stand.
What?
Lewis turns it around.
Yes. And must complete three acts of kindness before the end of the day
God damn it. No, we throw the end of the episode
However, well it says by the end of the day and I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I am glad contracts on the eye hold
If you had any fucking if you had any spine or Christmas spirit you do it by the end of the podcast
But we are cashing this in right now. I don't like you using for a second
I saw what you did there. I didn't meet you reaction was like I got a spine motherfucker act to cut his boom jerk will off
Make up with that you're gonna do a second hand to jerk will off
He's a huge penis. Yeah, that's a big dick joke. Thanks Joe. Are you gonna do any of those during the show?
I'll do some acts of China's yeah, okay?
We'll do one right now. Let's get one out of the way
I'm not it's very hard for me to do kind things so I have to think you can't put me on the spot and go kindness go
No, you can't do that with fucking humor either
I can see
I think that was a good one. I think we did a lot. We want to have a laugh. I want to make sure you got it
I think that was a good one. I think we did a lot.
We would have had a blast.
I want to make sure you got it.
So that fucking violent.
I think about Sony, Doug.
Yeah, well, it's a really fucked.
I mean, it's crazy.
You everybody knows what happened, right?
Well, yeah, everybody days ago,
by the time they hear this.
But it's actually coming.
It's still here.
What if we do it already?
What if we do it already?
What if we do it already? What if we do it already? What if out of war already? We might be.
Who?
Let me have a great time.
The interview of the movie with James Franco and Seth Rogan, which is pretty fucked up
thing to do.
They could have literally went fantasy and we would all know and it was North Korea, we
would all know and it was the leader of North Korea.
We could have just went that way which most movies usually do really would have been more creative
Well, they I mean they really said fuck it. We're going for this to be real
We're gonna I mean which is it I mean you're saying we're gonna go kill the leader
I mean if they did that up to Obama or England did it. We're gonna kill a bomb
We'd be like production value would be terrible and we'd be like man
But you're fucked.
Maybe no Obama, but like Bush,
people would have been upset.
Well, oh yeah.
You know what I mean?
I guess North Korea did a cyber attack on Sony Pictures
and released all these fucking documents
and people trashing other people, which is fucked.
They also revealed that they were men in chat rooms
when men thought they were women.
A bunch of said, I I'll take that bomb data
Said cyber and I thought a cyber sex what the fuck was that
We're actually got away with it as being real and now that Joe yeah because
I don't know bad
The robot and he just had a first glitch Dan's a humor robot is amazing and you just fucking Dan can you do me fair and
Pass that to you?
Maro, but I can't human robot
You're not going back into the jungle to pull me out. You're a me head robot
You like I'm sheek with that thing Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, cared, they like, you know, we got to step up this Christmas thing and then they made it seem like it was a threat coming. We got a real surprise for you on Christmas. They're like, we're going to bomb you.
What? Dan's gonna get us killed. Let's relax. Are you really that afraid? I'm terrified of these. I'm really
not that popular. Yeah. Yeah, there's this, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,'re just numbers. Oh, hey, so it's pretty crazy that they backed out though
I mean they stay said fuck I mean millions and millions back out all the movie theaters back down movie theaters back
Out movie theaters back down, but they backed out too because they didn't they didn't come out and say fuck you let you
They had no choice movie tears would say we ain't gonna play your films. Well, it's something gonna do put it on netflix
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was talking about this before the podcast do that and they said they're not gonna do that sure
They said they're not putting up a new or anything why they have no future plans to release this thing in any way
And they fucking back down which makes it even more fucking now which makes me think that they're they now they're using it
Yes, now they're using it now they got it to where they're like oh
People are afraid to go so if they would have left it at that, now they're like,
well, you know what, we're gonna take our ball and go home
and now everyone's like, yeah, but we wanna play
with your ball.
Now people wanna watch the movie.
Yeah, now Seth Rhodes is gonna be actually more popular,
which is what we all need for him to be,
to make more movies.
He's fucking popular.
I mean, all right.
It's pretty fucked up that this has happened to me.
It's crazy that the movie theaters back down.
It's fucked up to the government and go fuck you.
You play this movie.
It's art and you made a...
The government can't do it.
The thing is that they like,
where people really get killed, the movie theaters.
That's the thing I was saying.
How are the fuck are they gonna...
How the fuck are you?
Calm down. Calm down. Okay, good point. How are you gonna. How the fuck are they gonna what you if you how the fuck calm down calm down?
Okay, good point. How are you gonna fuck it? How are they gonna what are they gonna do?
You just did five sentences. What are they but what are they gonna do? What have they done?
I don't know but you call a while when that movie how did they happen that I had nothing to do with anything right?
Yeah, but that's what we got people on this. What's that happened? That means it's open
Move it there this if I'm saying this, and this is somebody else in this.
People sue movie theaters if they're fucking popcorn
and there's too much butter on it.
So they come out and they go,
we're gonna 9-11 attack these movie theaters,
and Sony goes, well, fuck you,
we're putting this movie out anyways,
and then by any chance something does happen.
They get sued.
And they go, hey, look at the 9-11.
We had these warnings.
We had these warnings.
Hold on, hold on.
But you let it happen anyways.
People sue. And warnings again, so if anything happens people so far too much by the napop
Okay, they're super silly shit, but Joe's right. That's why the movie there's didn't it wasn't because they were like
Bowing down was because my help Bobby out
Awful it's just fucking
Look like Dr. Emmett Brown when he pulls
It's just fucking scary. Look like Dr. Emmett Brown when he pulls this thing.
I was literally starting to pass out.
I was literally like,
I was like,
I was like,
I was like,
I was like,
I was like,
I was like,
I was like,
I was like,
I was like,
I was like,
I was like,
I was like,
I was like,
I was like,
I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, Can dictate what we watch or what they what we think is funny us another a communist country can say you know what no
We don't want you fucking watching that go fuck you see people are people are making it
People making it seem like it's a freedom of speech issue and they're like I have freedom of speech
We can watch you can you can make whatever you want but Sony's a private company and there you went
We're not we're not releasing these Japanese companies
So not really a freedom of speech thing. It's not like with the government. Yeah, I'm gonna go bomb con volotea la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de pelÃcula y un sincÃn de aventuras desesperan.
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Parifa sujeta a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. But they said that's but Sony had a weak security system to begin with so it was like Maybe you know Sony had in there for months. They said which makes it months ago, which makes me think they're
It was there's someone working at Sony that was just so pissed off. There's like fuck it. Here you go hackers now
Do they're government that they have the fucking best? They're an Asian government
They have the people who are amazing with fucking computers
No, they said that but they had a weak security system though. That doesn't even matter, dude.
Government hackers, we hire kids who are like 19 years old,
instead of putting them in prison,
we make them work for the government,
it slaves for the rest of the world.
Would you watch hackers the movie?
Yes, that's what I can go on my face all the dry roads.
What if Deepu is North Korean?
He's not.
He's not.
That's the truth, dude.
I mean, if they, like, fucking a movie company, if the government wants to get into your emails you think the government can't game to a fucking movie company's emails
I completely agree with them when like when the whole snow didn't thing happen and they're like can you believe they're bugging our phone?
Yeah, they gave us super computers in our pockets
They're not gonna let us fucking walk around yeah, but yeah, but that that's fucking a form of espionage when you break into a company an
American company
Japanese company, but it's an American company.
What the fuck Japanese movie are they doing?
It's all American.
Sony is a Japanese company, but it's an American company.
Because Americans buy Sony products.
That does not mean that they're in a company.
That means Americans are their customers.
Yeah, but their company is based here and they have Americans working.
It's an American Japanese company. If anything, if anything like Toyota is not just a Japanese company anymore
They they're made here in America that makes it an American company Americans are actually making Toyota's
It's not a fact you with only Japanese people working in it. I don't the whole logic matches up
And I think we'll height-manning you just saying good point point I just like nothing for it. It's actually makes me feel good
I'm just
parodying you and it's just like that
That doesn't make it an American John. What do you think feels like a lot of guys who know squat talking about yeah?
The show is okay, that's the whole show the same way all you do, but in different sides
You please single that out because that should be the big that should be the the beginning of the show
Okay, thank you. Well American companies
Build factories and other countries and use them. So it's not like we're a Taiwanese American company Walmart
It's not a Taiwanese American company. Yeah, it's an American fucking company
Good point that uses labor in other countries and then exports it here good point the way Japan might make stuff here
Yeah, just cuz you have this fucking hype man on your side now doesn't mean you're making fucking
Listen what I'm saying I'm not saying that though. I'm saying that the Sony is an American company
They they I'm looking Sony pictures. I guarantee is an American company
They did not start Sony pictures in Japan. I
Guarantee they started it. It was actually MGM. It was a
Stop stop stop John you know, well, no, I know a little back in the olden days
It was MGM lore mar on the same lot Sony the corporate entity put in the money when it went public, they bought it.
So it is a public company.
Right, American?
I have a feeling.
The offices may be in Japan.
But, yeah.
Sony Corporation, commonly referred to as Sony,
is a Japanese multinational conglomerate corporation
headquartered in Minotano, Tokyo, Japan.
Oh, shit.
Right, but it says multinational, multinational, which means American many nations
many many
Nations
It's many united states
Thank you many nations United
Many I'm not thrilled that the movie's not planning it's scary that they can shut us down. I'm just saying from Sony's point of view
I see where they're coming. What do they do? What if every country does that? Oh everybody threatens us And then that's the problem with this is now they've eroded our sense of freedom
that where even 9-11 in some ways didn't let us what if they
forget to lose that sense of freedom even in a even in a kind of like
socio economic way like we kept shopping because the fucking government kept
telling us to keep shopping and everything. We're not going to the movie because
there's this threat now.
So now they've actually gotten into our fucking brains.
That's the scariest part about it.
They put fear in us.
They put it back to tightbite us.
That's right, man.
Hey, don't push your country's technology on ours.
No, but they were afraid again.
Now we're scared and now we can't see a movie we want to see because we're afraid
We're gonna be attacked, but what if we that's a fucking shitty thing
What if we get attacked and then we now we gotta go fucking and got to go to war again to them
How about I gotta go over there? Yeah
Yeah, I'm fucking James Franco movie
Oh fuck that
I'm dying for Franco. It's cross-. It's Squash AZ. Absolutely.
Oh, yeah.
That was a Leo.
It has to be Leo in this.
Wahlberg?
Yeah, Wahlberg has to say.
Wahlberg, Leo and Dan Zell.
Dan Zell.
No, Anthony.
Anthony Anderson.
Dan Zell.
Dan Zell.
Dan Zell.
I'm sorry, what's that?
Dan Zell, what's that?
Dan Zell, what's that?
Dan Zell, what's that?
Dan Zell, what's that? Dan Zell, what's that? Dan Zell, what's that? Dan Zell, what's that? Dan Zell, what's that scope over tell you his favorite movie? No, what was it? What was it? National treasure?
Can you leave me? I wanted to take that off.
That's not 100% serious.
Did you like the part where they got the glasses from Thomas Jefferson?
I especially like that part. I need you to leave.
I need you to leave. It was an invisible map on the Declaration of Independence.
You haven't seen good fellows? No, I have.
That's embarrassing
But so many they they'll get they'll be if something did happen they'd be shut down So it's more of a business thing that I think it is a war in America freedom. Yeah, wait me you hell
Are you me shut down shut down how if Sony's like well?
We're still releasing the movie even though this says 9 11 threats and then one guy gets shot in the face or whatever and they go that's true
You go And then one guy gets shot in the face or whatever and they go that's true That's true
It's kind of a mixture of both points. They're kind of using our capitalist nature against us by using this business and
Assuming to fucking instill the fear that it won't have you have gone to see the movie absolutely
You would have on on Christmas day. Yeah, would you would you guys
I'm Christmas day now. I would not have it looks horrible. I mean
Would have seen it like a week later. I would have started later. No, I get to see one movie a year. It's not gonna be that one
That's why one of you wait a minute. Hey, buddy hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on guys
Will want to say something what you guys think they was gonna do
So it's a part way to hold on hold on hold on guys will want to say something what you guys think They was gonna do
Plan bombs and theaters go to happy we go to the desert shoot up the place
I'm give up on extra ball on it. What was it? What was the threat? What was the threat? I think they're gonna do nothing
That's what I think right yeah, it's the same way I just is like Americans. We are coming to your bar
He's like well, can I some other stuff wait Stop wasting one second. ISIS actually put a threat out to Canada and America
where you use whatever means necessary to attack police
officers, and they did.
They hatcheted a guy in New York, a police officer.
And they attacked people and the thing that just happened
in Australia was because of ISIS.
Really?
Yeah, they said, whatever, open your arms.
Whatever means necessary, not a bomb or a plane, they said, whatever, whatever means necessary,
not a bomb or a plane,
a fucking hatchet,
a gun or a knife.
Well, I said,
don't go into your home.
He said go into their homes.
Yeah.
At night and attack police and military
in their homes and their families.
Like they were very like,
it's a different,
because I'll tell you what that does.
A big 9-11 type thing.
Obviously that puts fear in you,
but we've already seen that, you know what I'm saying?
The fear of you putting your son down at night,
laying down in your bed and you're going like,
holy shit, I just saw on the news
that they might just kick my door down
and fucking hack my family.
Keep kidding with me, can you take that off your head
while you're talking about attacking police officers
and military people?
You actually look like the leader of ISIS.
Well, why are you serious?
You must go.
I'll also take the t-shirt and shave the mustache
and dumb beard as well.
Joe, I don't like you.
Thank you, dude.
What the fuck?
I know what's that.
You don't get my gift from me.
What the fuck?
What's wrong with you?
I don't you like you.
Guys, why are you?
Why are you doing this Christmas, Dan?
I'm gonna talk at the same time.
It's Christmas. It's fucking Christmas Christmas man, what's your problem?
I
Need somebody to hate it's not true. I
Don't know why you fucking hey show
He's not attacking you is attacking me through an egg at me bro
Sorry, I didn't mean to attack it was seven years ago
There's a go. Sorry, I didn't mean to do it.
I was seven years ago.
We should do the gifts.
We should do the gifts.
Dan, shut up!
The kiss is gonna take.
Shut the fuck up, Dan.
Dan, what did I tell you?
I'm checking all by here.
Don't take it, Dickout.
Oh, it's macro.
That's you.
Have you seen it?
No.
No, I've seen it.
No, it's not.
Come on, please.
Can I see the photo of it, please?
Dude, who else?
Will, can we see a photo of it?
Please, for Christmas.
Really? Hang on, just pass them as far as the bigger than seven inches. Take the photo of it please. Will, can we see a photo of it? Please for Christmas. Really? Hang on, just pass them a phone. Is it
bigger than seven inches? Take the phone. Hang on, that's a
coin. We just got to get your, can you just focus in on Johnny
Boyne?
To say, Lewis, what's up?
Whip it out.
You should do your act like that. You get some less. When I
take my hat, when I take my hat off.
Bob, we should start the kid.
It's going to take you three days to do this.
We're going to do the gift.
We got a whole hour left.
All right.
We're going to show the dick and then we're going to go into, we're going to take a break
and then we're going to come back and we're going to do ads and then we're going to do
gifts.
Ready?
You got the dick.
With my hat on, I look like a college student
that was great make sure the camera is also
don't show the camera don't show the camera
no you do you look at it yet we can
that look at it how big is that look at his face
how big is that that's real
that's fucking real
that's what that's will that's will
that's a tripod
That's why you why are you looking at it again you two queens? If you to pass out
That's all I got going for myself
Well, it's like a good thing. Let me tell you it's fucking massive right, Johnny?
He looks like a Haitian dirt digler and you're not you're busy later. No
I'm not game just saying it like I'm interested
What happens do you guys you know you know where you know, I mean Johnny's been on
Ray Dunnevin this last season remember you guys watch right down of it. What about the fuck his name? Donovan
Have you seen it?
Season one he was the porn guy remember the porn guy. Oh, yeah
I wrote with I with uh with uh, with uh, who's he play? Who does Josh play the guy who plays the porn guy. Oh, yeah, I wrote with I with with a with a who's he play who does Josh play?
The guy who plays the manager in our show I wrote he plays I wrote his name is Josh Pice
The week before we did this we were doing Ray Dunham and he plays
Stu Feldman the fucking
Yeah, he wants to fuck this point star. He's a big powerful producer wants to fuck this point star
He's a big powerful producer. Once the fuck this porn star, she's fuck you.
Ray has to hook it up with him.
He says, you can fuck her, but only on film.
So he has to hold the camera up.
And he's, so all of a sudden he's fucking her
and he's filming it.
Then he starts, the camera starts going down
and he's like, oh, oh, put the camera up
and he puts the camera down.
And he's like, hold that fucking camera
and then he just starts pumping real quick to come
He's trying to come it was fucking really and then he comes over and punches him in the face. You beat the shit out of him
Yeah, beat the shit out of him.
I hit the punch a couple of it.
But uh...
And he was also, if you guys remember, the nutty professor with the the any Murphy, his assistant
That's his assistant. That's awesome.
That's awesome.
Yeah, I just got an email from sag talking about the sony thing
what happened
forwarded a message from sony pictures entertainment what does it say what's
this dear it's long dear sag member as been widely reported sony pictures
entertainment was recently hacked in confidential information from the
computer systems with stolen and maybe publicly accessible and what is
so he has indicated that this compromise data may include certain
personality identifiable information about current and form employees of Sony and S.P.E.
This includes New York-based comedians that work at the Comedy Cellar.
It goes on and on, but basically...
You're fucking crazy.
You're fucking crazy.
You just lit up.
Yeah.
I guess he would've been jealous.
I have nothing to hide.
Yeah, fuck that. What? Did hide What did you say about that email?
I'm sure they say was it a Friday? Is that me? Is that me? Who's going up first tomorrow you are him?
Who I suppose you're going first and then Dan? Yeah, I'll hope all right
All right, we're gonna take a break real quick come back and do Yankee swap. Hey, I can't how you doing over there
Talk to the mic. You have fun. Yeah, it's great.
Alright, dude. That's it. What do you think about North Korea?
Just test herpes.
We'll be right. We'll be right back.
Mikes are hot and we're rolling over here. Check it out.
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Okay, check it out. People, is there anything worse than that
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So it's dollarshaveclub.com slash Kelly today.
That's dollarshaveclub.com slash Kelly and get your raises.
That's so they know we sent you, okay?
Merry Christmas, happy new year.
And I wanna thank everybody,
every single one of you who donated to the YKWD first annual
gift drive, you did an amazing job, you did an amazing thing for a bunch of amazing kids who need toys and
need gifts for this holiday season. So really, truly from the bottom of my heart, no messing around.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Pitches will be up this week and of the toys and all the stuff just great job so much. Thank you
And have a very merry Christmas and a happy new year to all you people. We're back right now
You listen to proper killies. You know what dude podcast
Well read that last name. All right check it. Okay read the last name well
So
Manguah
Okay, Joe Manguah. It's Zumaungi. Zumaungi same thing. Zumaungi. Jumanji. Zumaungumanji you remember that movie money. It's a fan of ours in Austin. Oh cool
All right, so check it out. Let's go. You know what this is is the Yankee gift drive
I believe we started this would
Yankee gift swap
Everything's a gift Yankee gift swap
Yankee Giftswap Swap. It's gonna come out of his head.
It's gonna come out of his head.
Everything's a gift swap.
Yankee Giftswap.
Who brought this to the table?
Joe Liss.
Thank you.
And Connor, I got him to bring a bunch of gifts.
You did?
I'm a hero.
Why did he bring gifts for the Yankee Swap?
It was the thing from the toy drive. Oh, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, trying to be funny and Ironic- Yeah, well, it didn't happen.
I'm not saying the heck, it's if I'm a fucking Boston Marathon bomb survivor.
We got Matt from the left button just showed up.
Say hi Matt.
Who else is out there?
Somebody else is out there?
Chris is here?
Chris!
What's going on guys? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, You guys we're out come on and sit down sit down where we're live on the air right now
All right, so check it out. We're gonna do the Yankee Giftswap. We need to pick numbers out of a hat I'm gonna go first
Give me the hat
I'm a fucking podcast dude
How many numbers are podcast dude?
Nine nine you know what let me see the how many you see that hold on give me the hat
He just said nine. We have nine.
No, it's a nine.
The gist has numbers on it.
Adrian.
No, fucking my man Conner's in it.
Conner's in it, okay.
I don't want him to pick my first.
You pick first.
The gist has numbers on it.
He can't have my gist.
Shut up, Lewis.
It doesn't fucking matter.
We'll give the gist.
Stop fooling you fucking shit.
Then fucking take a gif to leave.
Don't be rude to Conner. I'm kidding Bobby. Oh fucking be nicer when you get that was my gift to him
I fucking game mz. Eng right hold that
Numbers on it. Let me see oh you can't remember then you pick a gift
I was only saying I was I hold you number picking number you can't say your number
I don't just pick a pack pick you yeah, but you got your number Connor
Fucking rude to Connor
He's the fucking sweetest guy in the world. You didn't buy a fucking
Yeah, I don't have a gift right?
You know, God took them from you because you're a mean person
You said you're a good mom too. What side is it? Are you the victim? What you're fucking mom special?
You're picking them on pads. He borrowed them
Kidding me you can't look at your numbers
I'm gonna number no Kidding me you can't look at your numbers. I just look up Number no
Can't show it you can't show it. Yeah, no, I definitely can't show it
Deepo you got yours. Yeah, I heard about it. All the numbers. Okay now one is bad
No, no number one. Yes. This number one picks the thing first and then they go back at the end
They get hold on number eight
Not 19 people here
What you get to swap every time? nine nine nine. You got nine. Number one. You go on annoying. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I have the worst number which is number two. Okay, that's the worst. Okay, three
Right here John is number three. I got it. I got the worst will is four
Who's five? I'm five deep blue deep blue five number six
Come on six. Yes, it was Jacob. I got these scopus seven. Okay, seven number eight is number eight dance
Scopus seven seven number eight is number eight damn suit
Number nine is Connor nine and I got number uno
That's god that's Jesus Hold on, hold on. Holy bastard. Hold on. I said, Moses, yeah.
You did Moses put his staff down
and turned the numbers around?
What'd he do?
I don't know.
I don't know what he's saying.
No, I just was joking.
We don't have time for that.
He had a staff.
Like, don't tell me.
There's made a snakes.
This is gonna take a lot of time.
All right, so we need Adrian.
You need to go over there and I get to pick a gift
so you can hold the box up for me.
We have all the gifts in there?
No.
What's that gift?
That's my gift.
Trader Joe's.
Okay, where's Lewis's gift?
This is my gift.
That's your gift?
All right, so bring the gifts all over.
Bring the middle table on the wires.
Tell us, dude.
It's the worst assembly of wrapping I've ever seen.
All right.
The Wins Go Fos gift.
Why isn't there?
I wear which one's Will's? Mine's in there. Mine's in there. I want that gift right there Lewis. I want yours. I want mine right now
I want it right now. I'm opening it right now right? One by one open and one by one. I want
What is it? What's it a fucking E-Claire? This is Robert Kelly opening a Lewis bot
This is Robert Kelly opening a Lewis bot Get the move the interview fuck you what it's a live animal
I don't want a fish baby James. It's a fucking
He's praying he doesn't get it back his name is dude
He got a fucking fighting fish
You can't eat it
No, you could do whatever you want with it
His name is dude and there's there's food in there as well foot fit to do it. All right
Can we put this on the second and I think at this
Go somewhere that's retarded. All right retarded. It's a great gift put that on the betreese put put that on top of a tree's his hat You want to pick my gift?
Okay, why do you say that to me my gift? You have to know what kind of doing right now?
Well, he went walk 20 minutes. He was late 30 minutes for the show
Don't the amazing if you can take whatever you want
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry
It's a shut up
Right?
You pick that fish you want to put mine, but the edges are gonna get taken from me anyways. No, not necessarily bro
It is oh, if it's good. It's got fucking swiping it. I'm traveling
I did you a fucking soul you take a mine I'm taking yours, but it's just gonna get taken from me
And I think it's stuck with the fish cuz I got the shit
You're gonna love mine is the shit
Teta if I get a fish I'm stepping on mind the shit Lewis would love mine if I get the fish
I'm feeding it to my rattles Lewis would love my Dan would love my alright
Can I have my moment in the sun? You fuck it's the truth opening up a band so good
All right, I'm sorry you're right. You're right. You're right. All right. What is that?
Bruins are
This is a last second pretty good
Boston Bruins socks. Yeah, All right. Oh, Boston Brewing Socks. Yeah.
All right.
I got giant fish.
I can take the fish.
You want the fish?
I kind of want to take it and just squash it and we do the rest of you.
I'm going to keep it these brewing socks.
All right.
My bottom specifically hoping you know.
Wait, did you notice that he looked in the bag for more shit?
Yeah.
All right, go ahead.
Who's next?
Who's 20 bucks? Who's number three? You know, three. All right. Go ahead. Who's next?
Who's 20 bucks?
Who's number three?
You're three.
All right.
Which one you're going to pick, Johnny?
I can't see anything.
You got to pick it by the person, I think.
Oh, you are.
No, you can pick by the rapper.
Okay.
Fuck, I should have picked fucking dance gift.
You get to pick whatever you want.
I know.
But, uh, the pick out of the gate.
There's almost nothing in it, which makes it intriguing.
And more gifts than people.
No, we don't.. It's gonna it's gonna
Who who's gift the old pan out Joe relax? Wait, was it he picked his gift he picked his guy? I got this I got
That's a good one too, right that looks a little weird guy who didn't know how to it looks like a pair of other pants
No, yeah, this one looks like an envelope
Yeah, this one looks like an envelope
That's actually my gift that's your gift. I guarantee that some type of meat from Haiti
World champion shirt that's Haitian
We'll got 92 that's Haitian chakuta. We still got to laugh with all the fumbling, it really speaks to the bit. That was a funny good joke, that was a really good one.
I was thinking about turning it, you talked about it.
Here we go, it's a prosthetic clock.
What is it, more paper?
I went to one's knee.
Why was I hoping you bought a dick?
I was bummed out when I was a fizz.
I was like, I'm gonna make a pie.
What is this?
You don't know what it's called.
It's a raw picot.
What?
Wow.
Those costs.
Dude, I said under 20, not under 4.
That's $8, man.
What the fuck?
It's 9.
He went to the Rob.
No, that was.
He went shopping at the wrong place.
That trader's you can get this for like $3.
Dude, Rob Picons.
Oh, it's a good man.
I'm just a sh** man.
These are healthy.
You're gonna have to take them for that. Except you can only have a handful of these days. These are good these are healthy
Except you can only have a handful of these a day also you're gonna like mine better than this
Let's go
I hold the box up for Will and have him pick please. I think so far I hate this game.
Will just can use the wrapping paper to sleep until I pick.
I just pick that Joe, that's Joe's.
Will, come on man.
That sounds good right there right?
Joe but sound that all over.
You don't know, you can't take it. You got to take it
Okay
Jesus Christ it's so mean when you say it off Mike
Someone
Cooking chocolate and garlic watch out for the the mics and shit Jesus Christ just pick a gift you fucking ass
Watch out for the the mics and shit Jesus Christ just pick a gift you fucking ass
Oh Nine fat asses look where we are
He's also bald
You're like a homeless person just pick one that's mine. He's like that's bad. I would pick scope
Oh, he's got more money lives with his parents
Joe list doesn't he doesn't make nothing. He's opening for me and soda Joe's gonna have a ton of heart
Yeah, but yeah, I want to macaroni vase trust me. I would pick that although I love it. Joe's thing
And I love Joe's all right here we go Joe's Joe's door but all right so you can't open the whole gift though what what
you what you do nothing it's cool oh my god he killed the fish I am not
responsible for how this shit is stacked so Adrian make sure shit don't break
all right we can open the whole game this is will open it you like can't open the
whole gift because you can't have the thing in here what it's it's food right
yeah I open it what is it and there's more in there and there's more in there
Wait you bought a sub the Bronx bomber from the very
Also also what gyms Cuban cigars
That's a fucking
I Was a fucking
Hation
How happy is he's gonna fry it outside
I have this
Shit
I tried a cigar club. Oh, this club right here Look, it's a whole lot. He really looks like it's a rose beef with bacon melted American cheese on a hero
You're about the most of the plan. Will you you have your tricks of brewing socks?
You're dumb pecan wait real quick. Yeah, fish hang on could there be my
Pecan more of a scope
Yeah, fish hang on could there be my Beca more of a scope of
I know I hope he gets
What is so he take you get the sub of the Cubans now?
He took my
He took you guys
Do you get the cigars and a fucking sub but I can steal that I can take that when at the end because I'm
Never want to wait. I haven't made any poll yet
No, you could you could have switched. You had your chance to switch.
At the beginning, you and the fish.
You could have took the fish of the sauce.
The fish of the sauce.
The fish of the sauce.
The fish of the nuts of the sauce.
That's all you had.
John didn't even know the rules, it's for best.
Well, you go to a white elephant thing and you can keep going.
He's a rhino.
Scopus gift is like watch out for the bag.
It's leaking.
What is it?
It's a cup full of my mom's sauce. I put it in a bag. It's leaking. What is it? All right, it's a couple of my mom's sauce
Okay, I thought you might enjoy it
All right, who's next we gotta speed this up?
All right, I'm next. Let me pick a random
Micrase knows that poo. We had him on the show to the poo
Oh my god, I love Mike. All right. All right. There you go
Deep oh my yeah, I love Mike. All right. All right. There you go
Is that comes from me all right cool. Well, I'm taking that I'm probably gonna take I don't know deep who taking John's get people want you to take the fish you can have a friend
Come on that was funny the comes from me. Well, even the cause laughing
I just wasn't next to the mic even the cast members are bored by deep who oh
It's Nespresso. Oh shit. We have an espresso machine. Did you bring it? What is it?
The coffee machine I told you to bring to the
For sleeves of Nespresso. Yeah, where is that? What's the fucking thing from the studio?
This is some of the box some of the best espresso in the world called it runs
I gave you a Nespresso machine to put your car
Right in my car still you are a fuck fuck. Yeah, you messed up. I forgot about that.
I forgot about my man.
He all be able to give you a young espresso.
I love caffeine, so this is great.
But you need a new machine.
Can I stop for a second?
You need a machine, especially a machine to use those.
Which I don't have.
Which wait a minute, which I'll tell you.
Can I stop?
We have the machine, I got one, I had it in my room.
That's right, this is your own snack.
It's coming up here. So now when you're up here, work it on the stuff, I got one, I had it in my room. That's right, this is how you're on set. It's coming up here, so now when you're up here
working on the stuff, we'll have the machine up here
for you to use.
That's right.
If I don't take those.
If I don't take those.
This is valuable fucking shit.
That's $10 a pop, that's $30 a pop.
I get him four sleeves, he owes me eight bucks.
That's actually 20.
All right, who's next?
There's a lot people you can have a live fish.
You can have the socks, you can have the sub, you can have the fucking what did he be Italian food sounds pretty
Can't fucking pies pecan healthy people, I'm gonna take the sub in the
Saga all the way are you really?
Wow, I'm probably gonna take those back but enjoy them while they last okay?
I don't know what he I don't even know what the I don't know what the sub is but it's the Bronx Bomber and I want it
Don't tell me cuz I want to meet when I eat it. I want to be a skunk
Jeater is coming. Don't tell me his gift is like jeet is come he just said stop everybody
Deepwood you said a funny what he said he's got jeet is coming it
That's right. That's right. What's your dance? I'm good to have you you
I'm gonna take his bonzoda's bit. You actually have run out of steel. Oh, go ahead buddy. Go ahead. Oh, no
It's got number six. It's all good. Come on soda. You got it. I'm not picking this one up
I'm not going to get Bronx bombers like Lewis if you move to the Bronx
Thanky sheep see that good she's not a good friend. Thanky sheep. It's a good friend
Yeah, it's like a successful. I let you say yeah, espresso and then it's like a successful I let's say yeah, it's press Oh, and then it's like the shitty absent
Cool, right? He's a sandwich. Yeah, it's like no, they're good nuts. Where's hey is my gift that is
Oh, I'm in my gift
Where's my gift? It's a black bag. It's in there mines a black bag. Hey mines a black bag and he's all five
So that's mine. That's legit. That's Bobby's.
Oh, you got to like it.
I, I, I have a feeling Bobby got something good.
I got something, uh, yeah, a gadgetie.
It's a bag, dude.
What would you open it like, then?
Yeah.
This is a savage.
He lost his parents.
I was, nobody like it.
That's a micro trip.
Look at that.
You can, without wearing a hat.
And your band, okay.
I like that, that's nice.
I'm both. I love that. Yeah, well you can take it
No, we got to make a clear to the audience. All right hang on stop. You're right. We're on video, but you got to make it clear
What is it a Coca-Cola? No, but look at this twist the top just slightly put your weed in it
Put your weed in it so you can hide it from you girl
So she doesn't leave you I'm my weed from my girl
Yes, but you can listen now now she knows it exists. She doesn't know that well
She knows I drink diet coke does work on aeropolines. I don't you have to read the direction
Why is it heavy because it's supposed to be a coke coke so it feels like a coke you fucking dumb dumb
That if black people try to break it apart me you could hit him with it and then you go hide your sandwich
Is it a hand Bobby?
You fat fuck
How do you switch on him? All right, let's go. It's a coke that you can hide stuff in
Who's that? It's weird. It's for we that's a good gift
I like the idea that Bobby you love it. It fits in a code
No, do you want to switch it up and take your dumb fish back who wants that fish?
All right, oh you want some you want some pecans are you staying? Oh, let me see what else is there?
There's the sandwich.
You know, no, you're taking that sandwich.
The sandwich has to not touch the sandwich.
I'm not, you don't know that.
Otherwise somebody pulls out two sandwiches and another one.
You're taking that gift.
I love the Bobby's doing the thing.
Like, when you like your girl and you're like,
it's not cute, though, right?
It's not cute.
Dude, why would you need her?
Dude, I hear she's a slut.
Yeah, you don't want her.
I love her.
What else?
What's up?
Is there anything else I love?
Well, there's a pair of socks.
Always give this dress out.
There's this dress out, but you need a machine to go with it,
which is $130.
Oh, I really got that.
Oh, you get the Bronx bomber and two fucking queers.
You're one of the way that I'm keeping this.
And you get fucking, I'm keeping this.
And you get fucking, I'm keeping this.
If you ride a bike everywhere and you need energy. Are you seven? I'm seven, by the way that I'm keeping this shit. And you get fucking... I'm keeping this. I'm keeping this.
If you ride a bike everywhere and you need the energy,
I'm seven.
All right, here we go.
You're next.
All right, here we go.
Do you want the books that are wrapped in newspaper?
What are those from you?
Who is this?
Those are Adrian.
Adrian, are those you...
Is that your gift?
It's not just.
Is it for the kids?
You're talking about your older brother.
Guys, watch the fucking mics you fucking
savages. Don't hit the microphone with a box of shit shut up.
Alrighty? That's Joe's. Yeah the big one. I think deep ooze is gonna be good.
I bet it's some type of compact computer from India. I actually got you a
more than minutes of with customer service. Of course you know because you have no common
sense and you stoop it. That's what you buy sandwiches for gifts. I would take that.
I would take that. They're not Cuban. Let's take it carried away. You got a next door
and it's not Cuban
Did you really oh shit alright? This is scuffle opening deep whose gift?
Who what is it? What is it?
It was it was shipped coffee. What is it? It was shipped coffee. Oh, it's just a box
I'll put it maybe there's something better than
Yeah, yeah, it's more espresso. What is it? It's much. I watch out what I was two pounds of really really good coffee two people got coffee
All right, all right people fucking
Broke that off the table please all the wires. I'm sorry John ails and I have good taste. Sorry
You put a fucking fish and get for two dollars
No motherfucker
Alpha on our beta Japanese fighting fish
I want I want to I want to put if you put if you put a fucking goal fishing there would eat it alive
Really I'm number eight. I got I'm going
I want to try to choose I know you are well you gotta take your sub back
It's just coming over this way, so just leave it. I don't want it to be too fucked up by the time I get it
I'm holding I think I need the fish. You're taking the fish!
You're taking the fish! Scobo's taking the fish!
No, leave it there. Leave it there. We're not going to see.
We get it Adrian. He doesn't.
Wait, so we had the fish.
Who had the fish?
I had the fish.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now I got the coffee.
I like coffee.
So someone's getting coffee.
Now you can do sidewalks.
People who's getting his shitty gift back here. I have. Alright, so put that over there. Who's next? Very good coffee. So someone's getting coffee. Now you can do sidewalk. People who's getting his shitty gift back
So put that over there who's next very good coffee? Everyone I know that is good coffee
Yeah, you know that brought it out. Yeah, I do
Everyone you'll have your coffee. I'll have my coffee. I'll walk out of here
This is Dan's moment now everyone forgets that most of the time the best gifts are and sometimes the strangest packaging
Yeah, indeed. We're looking at your face.
Joe Legas.
I'm a very thoughtful gift giver.
All right.
Here we go.
What is it?
Double pack of hand sanitizer.
Great for comedian, shaking hands.
We call that fan juice.
We need it.
Ooh boy.
I think it's going to surface what this is.
It's one gift.
Shhhh.
Yeah.
Dude, but many rolls you can put in your fucking bag when you take your ship on the road.
Hand sanitizer. Yep, and
Loube
Alverde deep penetrating cool soos and refreshes. Oh
What is that to the body what is it?
No, it's a ham or lotion
No, no
Second little axe body spray. Are you fucking men? Maybe you want to cover up? What what is this package do you fuck guys at rest stops?
Who wants to jerk off? It's a jerk off
He saved it saved it this is great. What's the name of the title?
The the North Pole series Peter North's North Pole North Pole. It's a masturbation package. What a thoughtful gift giver
Package what a fossil gift-giver hand sanitizer toilet paper moisturizer a porn DVD and I just say it's a very jolless porn cuz most of the girls have small boobs on the back. I love a small tip
Why do the show? All right, what are you gonna do? Oh my god?
As a big tit guy I can't accept this with a full heart. I'm trading it for the coke
can't accept this with a full heart. I'm trading it for the Coke King. Oh!
There it is. Let it go, Lewis.
Let it go.
Lewis.
Lewis.
You can use this in a hospital bathroom.
Yeah, next time you have a kid.
Dan, you have everything.
No, you know I want it all.
Especially in the middle of the central. You have a show coming, I want it all. I'm not sure. I'm coming central.
You have a show coming out of a serious act.
So you have everything that I want.
Well, that was just your goal.
Let me just get it out of my life.
Thank you.
Oh, my God.
Give it up, you jerk.
Just give it up.
I'm going to shoot faster, bait all the time.
And you shit.
I have the internet. And your hands. I'm sure your hands are unsan shit. I have the internet and your hands
I'm sure your hands are unsanitary. Ah
This will be pretty good. Wait hold on is this gonna burn my dick though? Some of these like
That's not tea teary oil. That's all of the soothing
There's the penetration
I'm gonna get a burn my dick a little
I'm like, I'm funny. I want it all, you can jerk off to my career
Ah shit, who's nine? Who's nine?
Connor is Connor
Connor is nine, here you go Connor
Connor, don't take my fucking weed stash, please
I can't believe I get to fucking get what I want
So upset
Are you really?
So fucking upset
I get nothing
Is that it? Is that it?
For the packages?
For the packages?
What else is in there?
Anything?
Where?
What else is in there?
Nothing?
That's it, right?
What's that?
That's mine.
That's yours.
Nobody picked yours.
I don't understand that.
Where am I?
How are we missing?
How are we missing?
Oh, you added a gift.
No, it's got to be...
You're picking up a gift.
No, no, he's 10, man.
So you're going to do 10.
You're 10. You're 10. So he just makes you, he's 10, man. So you're gonna do 10. You're 10.
You're 10.
So he just makes the best number?
I get the best number.
You know what he does?
That's true.
You're right, you get the best number, but I...
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, he's in on it.
That's all he bought a gift.
Hold on, Kyle's open his gift up.
It's all right.
He's in.
And we can figure it out.
Kyle's open his gifts.
Go ahead.
What is it?
Can't make this up.
Yeah, oh my god.
Yeah, that's gonna be traded.
That's horrible.
Yeah, that's fucking like out on fire.
Who gave that gift?
Who got that?
It's a good gift.
That's a good gift.
You just taken it from fucking serious.
I don't know, Michael.
Who's all Michaels?
I don't know, Michael.
What the fuck did you bring in, nerd?
You probbles.
You're gonna be industry.
That's all the books they get from Opie and Jim.
What the fuck is this?
Tony Robbins. Yeah, that's fucking. That would have been able seven years ago when he was relevant
I did a voice over one time and I had a B20 Robbins really. Yeah, they use my voice to Tony Robbins
Hi, I'm Tony Robbins nice to meet you guys. Hope that book teaches you how to tell a story
Another book. What's this one?
What?
Oh Another book what's this one? What? Awe
You cut what an asshole these fucking gifts stink
Yeah, where you? You're not in dude. What you do mug a homeless guy on West 4th?
Yeah, cuz homeless people carry around a book. They do they sell them you dumb dumb on the corner
You've never seen the homeless people sell books? No, I don't know. I don't know what he was
I'm not saying as anybody's seen. Thank you. I have seen it. Into the black.
Oh, that's not been.
That's a good book that you can get for free.
Okay, first of all, Bobby can't read.
I can read. I just, I just like to see it.
He got more.
How many gifts did you get?
This is getting fucking ridiculous.
It'd be great if it was like that.
What's that? Starbox, Starbox gift.
$500?
Finally.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. That's it. Are we done with your fucking look?
Alright, hey, good gift.
Hold on, you're a lax and does he want a tray?
Yeah, do you want a tray?
You want a tray?
Don't even look at it.
Please take Dan's fucking...
I want my coffee.
What?
Are you taking the...
So you get all the books, which you love?
Oh, I guess.
They can read books really fast. So Conno, you're taking the so you get all the books which you love oh, oh, I guess Indy can read they can read books really fine. So Connor you're taking the coffee. Okay, what are you?
We go the last gift who do whose gift is this by the last con us all right? Okay, I just give the sandwich to Bobby
What the hang on one second wait, I want to see I
Want to see what is it Connor got what is it lady god got ticket? What is it?
What is it to give car to bear what is it? Come on, or got what is it? Lady God got tickets. What is it? What is it?
What is it?
Give card to bear burger.
Awesome.
I might fucking swipe those.
What do you get?
You can eat the sandwich right now.
How much?
Awesome.
Can you guys get the bear burger?
How much?
How much?
How much money?
Give them the microphone.
Two for 10.
10 each.
10 on that.
That's even good to meal. That's a meal. It's a good meal. You know what? Now, hang on a microphone. Two for ten. Ten each. Ten each. Ten on that.
That's even good to meal.
That's a meal.
It's a good meal.
You know what?
Now, hang on a second.
Now I get to take whatever I want.
I could take the gift back that I bought you.
Which would be ridiculous.
Well, I like ear warmers.
And you know what?
I could hide Nichols in that thing.
Oh, you're hiding this.
I like that.
Are you a stereotype of a Jew?
Uh-huh.
Nichol Chaser. Jesus Christ. Dan
How surprised would you be if I took those fucking p-cans?
Very if that I made a statement right now on the show and I fucking made a statement that I'm gonna fucking lose weight
And I'm gonna take the fucking p-cans and I took them and that was my gift and I ate them and what's up?
I'm gonna take the fucking pee cans and I took them and that was my gift and I ate them and what's up? I'm not the cigar's that's the dumbest you never gonna do absolutely right give me those fucking do me that Bronx bomber right now
I want it give it to me. We're done. Don't swap in. Yeah, that's it. That's it. I want the Bronx bomber
Now I need to know what's in a Bronx bomber. So it's roast beef, bacon. Yeah, melted American cheese. Uh-huh
Let us tomato
On a hero with a little male He's crying oh my god and two Cubans and two Cubans. Oh my god. What are the Cubans names?
I'm not I'm not giving you one Cubans, but I have a really good cigar for you in my car
Why would you just give me one of the Cubans? I don't know. I don't know. I can smoke cigar
I'll give you one of the Cubans I can I just say this what and
Lewis really handled the swap pretty bad. He's upset. So are you gonna give him that you're not giving him that I know
You should need to teach him because his career he needs to learn I'm saying he's hurting Joe's feelings. Why?
Point kit you fuck. That's a great gift
You don't sanitize your hands. You don't wipe your ass. You don't moisturize. You watch porn
I'm just saying I really could have used the can. I'm going to ship rock.
Can I can I can I say something really you didn't that one second. It's literally under $20. You can
go buy it. No, dude. And here's why. I bet the new world guys you cannot buy one of the gifts for
the next year. I can't have one of these subs if I like it. Nope. You can't buy one. But Bobby.
What also I don't know if you,
you could listen to the playback.
The second I took it from him, he goes,
my mom's dead.
I don't have anybody.
This is Christmas, I need this.
And so he said, like a person being fucking evicted
from their house by a bank.
He's like, no, this is Christmas.
I had a really rough two,. You can't do this.
And Sunday, I'm flying home to see my living mother.
Yeah.
So I'm getting Louis this can as a kid.
Are you really?
Oh, yeah. Wow.
You fucking loser.
Oh, you're a fucking idiot.
No, I'm not. That's why because that's his karma for Louis.
If he believes that.
Hey, hey, nice thing.
I can't believe it.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
What's up, what's up?
I'm gonna get Bobby Kelly this bag of pee cans
to help him start.
It's more food.
There you go.
And that's the spirit of the person.
I'll take those, I'll sprinkle them right
on this bronze bomber.
I'll use those as chips.
Sock of fun, who?
I need a chip crunchy texture.
What I mean is.
I want you take your health seriously, man.
I'm dead up.
I'm giving this so you can take your health seriously.
So what do you want, you want it, my sub?
You know, take this, but I want you to eat it.
What do you get?
I'm good.
Well, I'm good.
All right, here's what I'm gonna say.
I'm gonna give the, I'm gonna give the,
I'm gonna keep this guys and I'm gonna give the Bronx bomber
I'm gonna give the Bronx bomber
To Joe
I'm gonna give it yeah, yeah, yeah, funnier than someone trying to be the spirit of Christmas
They'd be like that anymore
Who said that Joe's mouth could fit around the sub?
Yeah, Joe can only talkos from Taco Bell.
Lewis said that every audience member made the same obvious joke.
Can you want this, Adrian?
What gift did you get?
You want the bear burger?
I'll take those.
I'll take those. Yeah. All right, here you go.
Because you can eat this now. I get bear burger. So there you go. How's that? I'll mix up a gift, though here you go because you can eat this now I get bear burger
So there you go how's that mix up a gift though?
It's that and the cigars now dude. Yeah, dude. No. Yes, dude. No
What the fuck do I get to take am I the very last one?
People here take this hand
Yeah, I'll give you I'm gonna give you a bear burger. I'm not gonna be here to use it. Yeah, it's right down the street
I'll go with you. Lewis you're hurting my feeling by me and milkshake
You get every dream so here. I'm going I like I guess what should I name my fish? I listen to me his name is dude
Fish is already name. No, no, I don't want to fucking I want to name my own thing
I did it came name when you take you got a foster fish. You didn't get a kid
You can call me what you want my fish is don't listen man
You call you say do all you want all gonna still be fine the freaking war what I don't know. This is a free today's five pallets every two days
That's the food and people here. I'm giving them the hands in a sanitizer because his people are gross
Yeah, Joe Joe made that joke already. I don't know
Listen to this is anger you some way his guess. I were gonna wrap this up right now. This has been the way to have another hour of material
this has been a uh... have another hour material
this is a very special episode of uh...
of ykwd the christmas episode yeah what's up buddy
i know i know we got this we got the uh...
the uh... very special episode of the christmas what's up i think there's one last
gift can we do that let's do before you do that
can we do the plugs real quick uh... what do that. Can we do the plugs real quick? What do you got?
Don't show the porn on camera. Yeah, please get the point off the camera. I'm a we're on YouTube. They'll fucking throw us right off I'm a Caroline's with Damon wins and also I'll be at the comedy seller New Year's Eve and I'll be at my house for most of part after that
Will still Vince at will so Vince W I L S Y L V I N C W I L S Y L V I N C E at
well so Vince Instagram Twitter you to Facebook my space my space.
God Lewis, what do you got me such a shitty gift?
Well, I got what I wanted. I'm kidding kidding Joe. It was a joke. I like joke.
Joe took the point. It wasn't a shitty gift. It wasn't a great gift. It was a thoughtful gift.
I didn't take the point. I'm bringing it back to Jason Cantor because I still had out of his room.
I love how long he Adrian you just put the eating you savage.
That had me. That had me.
And he had to replace the pizza in the hallway.
Dude, what?
How old are they?
What a boy.
It was good.
Just fucking.
Just he looked like he just came off the docks, right?
Yeah.
All right, listen, you better not get anything anywhere.
All right, go ahead.
What do you got?
Guys, check me and Dave Smith were co-headlining in Toronto
with the last week in a January comedy bar
and the underground puff mamas, which is like a really, really cool,
so unbelievable.
Junior.
Friendly club.
It's so fun to play.
Have you had line there yet?
Dude, it is, the people there are fucking amazing.
It's in Toronto.
Comedy Bar and then puff mamas, right?
It's two, they're fucking, the fans are insane.
The fucking clubs are awesome.
The comics are awesome.
Toronto is one of my favorite places to do comedy.
If you do, they'll have you.
He'll fucking spread the work,
because I told them about-
Yeah, do it awesome.
So much fun.
Yeah, so good.
And then also I'll be with Bobby January 31st.
We're gonna be at Mohegan Sun.
Yeah, we're killing that.
Yep, kicking some ass.
Also, I'll be on Shiprock this year.
If you guys wanna go to Shiprock,
we got a promo code, Skanks.
And you guys can get a discount to go check out the Legion of Skanks plus limb biscuit
Metal allegiance
POD
Non-point a lot of amazing bands guys, okay, so please check that out as well also go to Gomez comedy dot com
I guess the more I'm headlining
I
January February March and April so far this year I
Speech why would you why would you ask your speech. Why would you?
Well, I would just go because we got to go. Okay. I have a meeting. I got a meeting
We got big things with left button for the network. I can't talk about it yet. You make it
In love. I agree with will. Yeah, I got Dan bro. What do you got Dan? Yeah,
Providence comedy connection first weekend of of January I'll be there.
All right.
And then I'll also be in our last week.
You know that's the worst week to do comedy ever this week right after New Year's?
Nobody goes out.
Okay, well that's cool.
So what I want to say to the fans, go the fuck out and see Dan so to headline that club.
It's a nice intimate club to check from bone.
What is it called?
What's the ring place? Oh, bones. It's the nice intimate club to check from bone. What is it called? What's the ring place? Oh
It's the ninth and 10. I'll be there the ninth and 10
We want Dan to read Kelly's letter by the way
Boneheads boneheads. No, we're not gonna get we'll do that next time
Kelly for stuka just so you guys know we talked she actually sent me a really sweet email
We miss you. Well, we will read it. Did you read it all?
We'll do it.
I didn't, she was 90 fucking all Kelly writes.
Yeah, Dan's on a dot com.
Dan's on a dot com.
So they go, I only can draft house.
I'm there too.
What a fucking great kick.
That is kind of weird though.
It looks like a, the chair's in the front row.
I like staples.
So keep it moving.
Shut up.
We give you your fucking long plugs.
It's bad.
Are those hair plugs?
And hey, it's Joe list here. Rockin W105.9
Hey, I just added a comedy nest April 16th through the 18th and Montreal that's in Canada kids
Come on out lap dances on me get it. It's a pun
the kids come on out lap dances on me get it it's a pun January 8 to the 10th of the Tacoma comedy club April 16th through the 18th comedy nest Montreal and then I'm here at the comedy seller a bit
all right thank you Joe oh check out my podcast Tuesdays with stories it is blown up we've
passed this podcast a long time ago and Dan thank And Dan, thank you for my brewing sucks.
Yeah, check it out.
Monday's with Murray, check it out on What's the Network?
Stand up specials.
What do you got, Johnny, besides everything?
I got watch Sex, Sex and Rock and Roll coming out
in July with Bobby.
I'll tell you right now,
we, he is on this fucking show.
He's fucking hilarious, dude.
You're fucking hilarious.
I'm not even joking that.
I'm not even doing some fucking up your ass thing.
When you guys, you're fucking great on the show.
Hilarious rehab.
He plays the fucking stoner bass player
that sniffed too much glue at one point.
And Bobby's character, BamBam and rehab
have a
Maltros relationship. Let's put it this way. Yeah, we we wind up fucking they wind up giving us a lot of B plots at some point
Which is fucking great so fun. Yeah, it's awesome
We do ridiculous things and we run around and what's your photo page can people go to and he takes amazing photos
That's interesting. I don't know how I can share this stuff from the set
But what I can tell you you can follow me on Instagram
Jackass dog Jackass dog follow me on Instagram Jackass dog on Twitter. I'm I am John ails
All right, I love Bobby. I love you buddy. What do you got? You can follow me on Twitter at R2D who I'll be at the Creek January 4th
and also
People we want to play music on stream
So if you guys want to send some tracks to us and the full license
We want to do that. So yeah, if you guys have any music
We want to start playing some great music during the break and at the beginning switch it up
If you have any if you're in a band or you do music yourself, please send it to D. Poo
Yeah, just find me on Twitter. We'll talk back and forth
We'll figure out the licensing and all that and yeah, this video came out great. It's gonna be a gem scope
Oh, what do you got? Just get me on Twitter.
At Chris Scopo.
And then I'll be with Lewis.
Connor, I want-
I want-
Oh, that's great.
Yeah, I'm gonna be on a great-
Connor, what do you got, man?
I mean, you're,
thank you so much for donating.
He, 500 dollars to the YKWD first annual gift drive.
That's a fucking amazing thing, dude.
I really appreciate that.
You, you made,
you made a lot of
kids happy so I appreciate that man thanks for you have anything you want to
plug or actually yeah in February 20 you do you do no I was just you
ahead dude you got a Joe is just coming to the music hang on one second can we not
do that fucking it looks like he's one of the ways in a space shuttle go back a
little bit go get it on his face for credit sex
I don't know if I can do that right now. Well, you try. Okay. Just just a little bit just a little better than that
Well, just sit down. There you go. There you go. That's good right there. Good for you
That's good right there now put them back. I can't you get me on
Look at deep was amazing. I just put it up. Right there. Plug. Go ahead, Connor.
This is a really important plug.
So I just want to say, Joe,
is then Mark Normand are going to be doing a show at our museum in February 20th.
So if you go on to a grip of comedy,
Oh, I see the connection now.
So not only did you fucking gig a hook up,
you got yourself a gig.
Yeah, I'd rather ring her.
Oh, okay. That's great.
What is it?
The University of Pennsylvania.
That's awesome.
Ivy League motherfuckers. I did. I did a show there with Tracy Morgan and Jay Moore. brother ranger okay that's great what is it the university of pennsylvania that's awesome i believe you putt
i i did i did a show there with uh... tracy mogan and jay more that sounds
stupid mark noran i will be the biggest podcast in the country yeah i'm a
fucking mondays with lezlie
on fucking story book life
and that's my favorite new podcast i
i thank you so much for uh... putting that together and supporting the show and listening you guys are great. What do I got?
Tomorrow if you're listening to you disorder lie
Hunting that was funny
Huntington low island he'll be there and then the 31st you'll be at December 31st new year's Eve
Yeah, New Year's Eve how many connection in Rhode Island? Yeah, real-ass wait, you're not with me. Oh, that's right
Do you want to go with me?
Wait, when is it?
No, I'm not fucking do it.
No, I'm already at the same place.
Just go ahead, just keep reading, fucking.
And the January 20th.
Hey, Lewis, talk a little bit.
I love them, you guys, guys.
Okay, where is it?
Okay, yeah, please.
January 23rd and 24th.
Banana and Hazardberg Heights.
Yeah, awesome.
And you were supposed to be with that but I had a cancel
So I got to get somebody to replace Lewis
Um, maybe I'll put you on the show too. You want a host? Yeah, all right cool
All right, so uh damn what do you got?
You did what you got oh one last gift. Yeah, did you lose your fucking mind? Yeah, apologize?
All right, did you lose your fucking mind? Apologize. Oh shit. I do apologize. All right, there you go.
Are you apologize for yelling at me?
I apologize for yelling at me.
But I was fake. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, Let's put your phone down your fucking show still going as the last gift of 2014 Native American boys snuck in for a second. We're almost we're bringing their green to
Phyllis this room. Put your fucking phone down ready here. We go real ass coupon
What's that thing I gave you 30 second simulated
BG
Yeah, where is it? Give me that
No pictures of the video though.
I mean, we're watching.
Well, no, we have to do video pictures.
Dude, what are you talking about?
I don't want to have to come to you next time I get some
opportunity.
Just stand up and out of view.
We'll get you out of view.
Yeah, we'll just come back in seconds.
Yeah, we'll just come back in seconds.
That's fucking wood.
That's yours.
You gave it to us.
No, I didn't fuck face.
I was somebody gave it.
What do you want to do?
Second real dick.
I want somebody's real cock, dude. Real skinned. I will let Louis suck my dick. Will somebody gave it. What do you want to do second real dick? I want somebody's real cock dude real skin will I will let Louis suck my dick
Will you really all right?
All right, it has to be simulated so you can just fake it on will I need a fucking dildo we don't have
Dildos any we do we have two Dildos in here both warden your fuck
Where's the deal though? We got deal those we have that deal so show is the gay show on the internet can any of us leave?
Listen listen We got the old we have that show is the gay show on the internet can any of us leave Listen, where?
Yeah, here go we got a nice cock
There we go
And you should hand sanitize it a clean it off
We got to take a picture of this enough. It's up to Lewis pictures
If I get an opportunity with the real industry so you know it take a picture
Hey, you'll find take a picture that's not gonna
30 seconds
30 seconds
Hey seconds Here you go
Ready here we go
There we go, so on you you dumb dumb. Oh my dear. Who's pants is this gonna be in?
Dan will you do less cuz he was mad at Joe Liss. Yeah dude, I'll do it.
Okay cool, here we go.
Look how happy Dan is with his fucking ear muffs.
If you want a video or picture of this.
We'll do video.
Okay.
No, I just said no video.
Alright photos.
Bag it.
Jesus Christ, you worry about that?
I'm gonna have to take Faggot off.
I'm not taking Faggot down.
Why would you say that?
Don't say that word.
He said rice and word last week.
Who said that?
I don't know.
The big red shirt and star.
All right, you get this.
Okay.
It's a limp.
Let's go.
Limp, limp, do your skin.
All right, now if you put it right there,
stay right there, nobody can see the dick, okay?
So stay right there, Dan.
The tinsel's covering it.
We won't have to do anything. Yeah, we get a time keeper. You who's doing time? All right ready here. We go
Merry Christmas Dan our joke. Can we all sing with you, please?
Stuts nothing let it play for five seconds and then start singing ready
He needs water hold it up a little bit. So the. Dan, hold it up like that. Right there.
Hold the stave.
Get back to that other shot.
Right there.
Dan, move up a little bit.
Move up to him a little bit.
A little more.
Right?
No, back, back, back.
Right there.
Go.
Go.
Perfect.
One.
How is maintaining this a wretched one?
Beyond the other.
No.
Here we go.
Ready?
One, two, three.
Go.
Oh. Yeah!
Oh!
Oh!
It's not singing, Joe.
Oh!
It's not singing, Joe.
Oh!
Oh!
It's your song.
A Merry Little Christmas.
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Thank you so much for listening.
Thank you for listening to YKWD Podcast.
Dan Soda, Will Sovins, Lewis J. Gomez, Joe List, Johnny L's, Deep Blue and Scopo.
Last button, thanks for coming in.
Conor, thanks for the gifts.
We love all you guys. You're amazing.
Keep going.
5, 10 more seconds.
Keep sucking.
Keep sucking.
No, it Christmas, everybody.
Happy holidays.
We love you from the YKWD podcast.
Take care.
You had done 30 seconds ago.
You're home, though. You were done 30 seconds ago, you homo. Ha ha. for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.