Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - The Yankee Swap

Episode Date: December 22, 2014

Robert is joined by Dan Soder, Luis J Gomez, Joe List, Jon Ales, Wil Sylvince, Chris Scopo and Deepu Gill. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.
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Starting point is 00:02:09 or visit truecard.com today. like a comic can. It's just us sitting down and sometimes it's hilarious sometimes it's intense. No topics, no directions, but I love doing it. Okay, we're here. We're here. The very special edition, Christmas edition of YKW Day. The Yankee Swap Annual Land Yankee swap annual late Yankee swap Dasha into the snow No one knows all point slay. What is he doing all the way we go? This is like when the settlers lost in all the way They're like all the songs all the way we go this is like when the settlers Songs all the chigeon white
Starting point is 00:03:30 The boys we had a retardant kick so to be something like One the way to light just the first time a black person's ever been in the body What the fuck Why in the one-horse open sleigh Jingle babe you guys you guys want to be in the rain there Happy snow. Oh Jesus All right, well, this is very anticlimactic now kind of enjoyed it. This is what I mean We started we tried well under the album called a Haitian Christmas. Is that a Haitian accent? Yes, sir
Starting point is 00:04:07 At Haitian with a speech impediment watch your mouth Wait, wait, I can't see a mouth. All right. We got to I got to take this off in a couple because it's really hot Listen, we got a very special for his time We got We got a very special Christmas edition. We're starting off pissed off because of who? Lewis Gomez. I'm gonna go. Lewis J Gomez and it's not my fault. You dropped the J when you get me angry. Who's it's two. It's you two. Why? It ain't just what because it's not just Lewis. Why? Go ahead spit it out.
Starting point is 00:04:38 So I'm running around Lewis and he wants to get a very specific gift. Yeah. And he waits the last two seconds. But what is he waiting for. But what is he waiting wait wait. How long we have do we get here? And he makes it more difficult. Now here's the thing I also said you were taking your sweet ass time to see he sex I'm talking around Bennington. Yeah, you're right. Take your sweet ass time for 15 minutes a day. We got to go. We got to go. We got to go. To an outro. That's true. Okay, so it's you too. What's a bigger show? Okay, but I get to Westville. I get
Starting point is 00:05:03 to the bigger better show. Right. Four o bigger show? Okay, but I get to Westville, I get to the Westford Street. Right. Four o'clock. Okay, here's my, okay. Here's the fucking thing with me, ready? I, my pet peeve is being late. I'm never fucking late. I hate it. I hate it.
Starting point is 00:05:15 Shut up. He doesn't know what peeve is. Pea, no. Right? So, so you're, you're, you get here at four o'clock and what happens? No, we gotta go get this gift. Where is it?
Starting point is 00:05:25 In Queens? Don't tell him why. Why don't you have to go? It's obviously at a sex shop, you dumb ape. Clearly. I don't know, by the way, I'm literally walk to six and have it into a sex shop. You got a fucking goat, I almost just gave it up.
Starting point is 00:05:36 Yeah, it's a fucking dildo. We walk over to Broadway. Why do you go with them? Is it that big? Yeah. It's a blob doll? It's a good gift. It's a good gift. It's under 20 bucks, right? Yeah, it was 20
Starting point is 00:05:48 Exactly like 18 bucks and it's got thought behind it Hey, this is what it's a good gift and furiates me about Lewis. Hold on wait. There's all these you just stop there She just anger you. Yeah, and then like he's got this like just fucking child like sweetness about no He's got shit in one hand and fucking a present in the other and I love the present He loved the present but then the shit slapping you right in the face Why you go away? Good friend you let us all down. I didn't let everybody down. We're five minutes late on a podcast a 12 minutes late And you're supposed to be here early and then I get yelled at for not calling you
Starting point is 00:06:20 No, where are you? Well, if he got yelled at anyway, if he had called, well, he's supposed to call when people aren't here and the time is supposed to be here and he was supposed to be here. We lied to him. Well, you didn't lie. I know I didn't. I did was I originally lied to him and then I sent a mass text out to all three of these guys and I and I colluded him in the thing. Because why? Because why? Why did you do that? Why did I double check? Yeah, why did you do that? Why would you put him in the chat in that text in the text? Yeah, why would you forgot that we lost all the time? I saw him outside of the vigilance they say and is a comedian This is fun. I love this is most unhappy Christmas one. We've ever done a great moon and I'm in a great with the gut here at 408 pm
Starting point is 00:06:59 I was here at three. You wait. Yeah, it's your show you dumb dumb My mic is too low to this Sorry, I can't it's too hot and this my lips are going numb. Did you put like hot sauce inside? Succubus Larry listen here's the deal. I knew it was gonna be fucked up because of this one. That's why I said lie to him 415 because then they would have been here at 430 I also say you gotta stand up my do this else might I am I said 415 and because of him They would have walked they would have rolled in there running we're late with late, but it would be 430 It would have been perfect. He would have been a serious with him and said no, damn it. No 4 30 Robert Dean Robert
Starting point is 00:07:48 Yes, we also tried to get a cab and we cannot get one so we had a From serious with then also they had to stop it. I love Bobby's like the energy you had explaining that you're like Don't you understand we're gonna make money we're gonna to water It's like very passionate. It's a shundon lean pressure. It really shunned yeah, I Scoble go around the room and it should do everybody alrighty to my left. We have We'll still events here guys gosh you get with these We go what is it one-horse open sleigh? What is one what is all the way we go? Laughing all the way we go
Starting point is 00:08:30 All the Children are white Why say you get that of my hometown and then that is the real as dude Lewis J. Go this rattlesnake real as your name is He's Lus. J. Goleys. What a rattle snake. Real. I have a fuck your name is. What I mean, that's the best of comedy. Oh, that's the most accurate description of you. Yeah, you're a nobody now. I got. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:08:54 Then we have monster voice dance soda here. Who's that? Who's that disenfranchised Dan? Oh, hey, my guy, hey, my guy, Nick name. Yeah, I was. Well, we can't say it was a near. I was waiting for it. I knew Joe's's gonna reach for that
Starting point is 00:09:05 What's my every have the truth? What's your list? Yo, what's up? What's up? What's up dogs? All right, and then we have straight from the set of sex jobs in rock and roll Johnny ails. I got nothing. Yeah That's all he had yo. Do I got a nickname? Yeah, what is it? We can't tell you know we get it on the air So I don't know what you mush mouth. I don't know. What is it? I'm chicken bones very cool shit What you want a cool nickname? We'll get one by the end of the show black We got it of course we got depo The what do we call on you again my title changes every week? What is it this week? This week it's live stream operator live stream
Starting point is 00:09:42 I like a rock team technical director. I like and we got the producer of the show Chris go po We got Adrian here who is a top intern producer exec Power bottom power bottom. I'm turning and then if you're looking over here his name is Connor Big fan of the show And he is the YKWD hero gift drive person Good dude he donated First of all I want to say before I give him this him. Oh, you want to clap from Gwen? I thought it would be nice thing to do yeah clap. She knew he did for this but yeah
Starting point is 00:10:16 He actually donated $500 to the gift drive through Amazon gift cards and you actually did something else too, right? Wasn't this something else you jerked off on every one of them. No. And he actually, we put that out there. Joe actually came up with the idea. We put it out there and he actually did it. 500 dollars to the gift drive. He actually got hoodies and hats and scarfs.
Starting point is 00:10:38 He got an Xbox One for the Alliance House. He did a lot of great shit with that money. He also just started nine fist fights in the Alliance house. Oh. You're not trying to play that shit. Like, fuck you. It was all started from a good play. So with that, we did a lot of stuff, buddy.
Starting point is 00:10:55 So thank you very much. And I want to thank everybody. We raised hundreds of toys for these kids. I dropped off of, well, we got hundreds and hundreds of toys for these kids. I dropped off of, well, we got hundreds and hundreds of toys for these kids. I mean, hundreds of kids, literally, oh, I think it's over 400 kids are getting toys because of this podcast, because of you guys.
Starting point is 00:11:13 That's good to know, man. So, and my wife, Don, came up with the idea. We dropped them off in NAC last Saturday. We went down there with a bunch of teenage. Just like Santa. James, James. Yeah, good. James, you get his gift by January 10th from the drive I liked it was great. I think it's a tough crowd Where's the bomb data?
Starting point is 00:11:34 Yeah, I don't think it's your bomb data cuz I got a good time. I like it. I loved it Yeah, I'm where your kids gonna wind up. I'm so back a seat man No, well, I just shut it down. You're not forcing this band in. I mean, I got a legitimate laugh. I'm fighting that out here. I'm with you. I'm in a Peel's court. Here's the deal.
Starting point is 00:11:50 We got hundreds and hundreds of toys. I'm talking hundreds of toys. We brought them down to the teenage boys on Saturday. Tomorrow, we're bringing them down to the kids. The sexy ones. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. The little kids, we're bringing them down tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:12:05 I'm putting a photo up when I deliver them tomorrow and then Saturday, no, Monday, we go to a lion's house in which is NFI, which I was in, which I worked at, we're dropping off a bunch of stuff for them. Tollles, you know, stuff like they need towels. We got a big oversized towels. We got them. We got them in these towels. Because dude, when you're in in one of these places they give you these shit towels that have been there for fucking seven years and it's a little crappy fucking towels and you you'll be surprised that how important a fucking brand new awesome towel is to somebody when you
Starting point is 00:12:40 don't have shit. We got them an Xbox one, we got him some games, we got a basketball soccer, soccer ball, we got a bunch of stuff for him. So you guys who donated, you're a fucking amazing. Thank you so much for participating. It's the first year, we're gonna do it next year. You guys are awesome. I will have pitches up and you guys really did an amazing job and you should be proud of yourself.
Starting point is 00:13:05 So, and thank you guys just prepping the word for tweeting it and doing all that stuff. We've done that for the idea. Connor? No, she didn't, oh, that idea. Yeah, that's a great idea. Yeah, he's actually coming to our show tomorrow night. We got him tickets and he's gonna be backstage.
Starting point is 00:13:17 That's awesome. We're gonna be at tomorrow night. Tomorrow night we're at the Paramount Theater and Huntington Beach Long Island, me, Dan Soda, and Huntington Beach Huntington. Huntington Beach Long Island, me, Dan Soda, and- And Huntington Beach Huntington. Huntington Beach is in the- Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?
Starting point is 00:13:29 Harttonton, he's from Venice Beach, California. Long Island, next to it. Paramount. The Paramount, I don't know. Huntington, I don't know what the fuck that is. I can't read it. I can't, I can't, let me just finish. You're in the middle of fucking tank and the kids drive.
Starting point is 00:13:42 And you hear me a fucking note from keep the cop I'm fucking thank the people who donated to children No, we are promoting your show Even more important than the kids tomorrow night. We have to sell out. We have to make this money. It's hilarious We got the kids we got we got you lose We got you lose I like the jar got all you have to tell your story after this Yeah, what is this whatever? What is this intimidating stair sheet you do now dude? I I didn't what is it? What is this what is this fucking angry stair sheet you know what are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:14:19 Someone says some mean shit to you just stare at him He's mad man because y'all yelled at a machine man I got blamed for fucking dance order can never get blamed He went in for the freaking nice Dan said mad shit cuz y'all gonna be five minutes late. Thank you I only understood 20% what he just said but I think he's on my side You had 12 minutes late and actually if you they were supposed to be here 415 so 15 plus 12 do the math will 27 45 minutes late man. No, that's not it. What's up?
Starting point is 00:14:53 Let me say right now are we doing a crossover? I don't know what are you hello? Yeah, I don't have the technology to do this. I'm holding you the phone up to a microphone Because I don't have hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars or subscribers to build a death star. You're watching me watching you watching me. I see get a drink spy with the fuck. What do you mean? You have your show on right now? And when you're on my show and I'm on your show Why don't we just get CB radios We've got excited it's to be a great show.
Starting point is 00:15:46 First of all, the theater, I mean, every, I've never been there, and everybody keeps telling me that it's the best place to see a comedy show. It's an amazing theater. Have you been? I think I was there once to see like blue oyster cult. That's where you know you're an alcoholic. I think I was there once.
Starting point is 00:16:03 It's like 10 minutes down the road from his house We got the beautiful dance sodas coming. Oh, yes We got So I just forget I forget Yeah, I'm gonna go downstairs and come back up and we'll talk or something and and then I just like left Anthony pulled a real good my dad move I'm right here for you buddy, and I'm like dad
Starting point is 00:16:29 He left and didn't say nothing to bet it will a fucking Lewis dad move get stabbed outside An angry thing my dad was murdered in're making fun of it a week before Christmas. Too racist. I'm sorry. This is gonna be fodder for his masturbation session later. Oh. Well, I'm very excited to be hanging out with you guys tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:17:01 Yeah, Paramount gonna be loud. Fun. You're gonna be, you're gonna be on your street team. go out front and hand out some stickers and then take the fans for some drink afterwards all right so it's gonna be there will so Vance is gonna be there you remember well right I'll be hung up hello are you there are you there oh you're the new one oh hang on hello? Are you there? Oh, there they are. Sorry. My fat finger hit the mute button. Oh, thanks. I was just plugging the show. Oh, well, yeah. Tomorrow night, a Joe list is going to be the heavy heavy Joe on your show. Not yet, but I think he's good. He's great. Yeah. So we're gonna. Yeah, tomorrow night you're
Starting point is 00:17:42 your street team. Just sick as I know. You, huh, you got the street team outside after passing out some stickers and then we're all going over to a bar What bar is it? I think it's a pay trily's opus But brothers play. Yeah, it was a candy bar What did you say? Huh? I think that pay trily's opus brothers place will go over there and grab some beverages with some of the More rambunctious fans. I sounds cool man. I will I will see you tomorrow
Starting point is 00:18:11 All right, Bobby. Thanks, man. Let it brother say goodbye to Anthony everybody Well Jesus, I might have to take this hat off. I think I'm getting dizzy. I'm gonna take these glasses off Hey remember your line at the pizza place what Bobby take us up for pizza last week And then you ate 1100 slices in eight minutes Bobby goes I hate to fast my feet feel wet First of all by the far the funniest thing you've ever said I don't think you're not funny I think you've got some good stuff occasionally This is what I don't like about it first of all Dan when you said that I know that you guys were fucking yapping behind my back
Starting point is 00:18:50 After I left you went did you see how much fucking PT he ate and so fast not at all Oh, I talked to Sarah about it. He talked to his girlfriend. I talked to mine too. I go listen We stopped start stopping by Bobby's house with some salads You took down some pizzas like he meant business. I talked to my girlfriend and I was like, we don't know what addiction is. Well, we're all set. We're good.
Starting point is 00:19:14 We can get back out there. We're just going to have a drink. We can have an occasional drink. Bobby would literally order, ask me for another slice before I finish eating my, like, a bite. I do a bite. He's like, give me another pepperoni. I'd hand it to him.
Starting point is 00:19:24 I'm like, go ahead. I'm like, what are you saying? he's like, give me another pepperoni, I'd hand it to him, and they go from a bite. I was like, they were all of six large pies, I'm like, there's four of us, and a baby. It's like Lucy, and I love Lucy with the chocolates,
Starting point is 00:19:33 just kept turning around, just kept coming out faster and faster. We ordered three pies and a small one. No, we ordered like four. We ordered four, five, three large, three large and one small. They were all stacked on top of each other You guys are all wrong. It's three large and a medium. I just said that Bobby's mouth is getting wet
Starting point is 00:19:51 I just said that I said three pizza's in a small one. Yeah, that's what I said you said medium It was a large and a whatever, but who'd you took that home? How many slices were left? Why we took it to I gave it to home was all my pizza for 20 minutes man What's pizza and I give it to a black homeless person So why are you pointing at will cuz he's black Bobby? Bob not homeless. I didn't know you dress almost I'm gonna bomb in there and fit in the laughs of harder to zone you It's a bomb. Dan. I yas it's a fucking shot up, dude.
Starting point is 00:20:25 Kiss my ass. Why I'm sick of it. Why you stop? What is this angry shit? What is this angry shit? You should be angry. And you should be angry. You should be angry.
Starting point is 00:20:33 Because you're fucking angry. You said you were angry. But you said it. I'm better. You do seem better. But you're still angry. Neither one of you should be angry. You should be apologetic and jovial.
Starting point is 00:20:41 Did you tell Joe about the first? Of course he drove you along. What? He was through an egg at me once. That's what I'm saying. You do seem better, but you're still angry. You're neither one of you should be angry. You should be apologetic and jovial. Did you tell Joe about the first? Of course, he drove you along, man. I was through an egg at me once. That's the story. Why would you ruin the story like that? That's the beginning of the story.
Starting point is 00:20:53 Is that the beginning? That's what I told you and you were like, what are you talking about? And then I got into details of the story. Wow, you go backwards. Look at that, I first met him, fucking whipped an egg at my head. And he said, there's why I didn't like him for a long time.
Starting point is 00:21:03 Why did you whip an egg? Because he's a fucking lunatic. Why did you do that Why did you do that? Wait, wait, wait, what's been your egg? Was it Halloween? I was at Nate Bargatsy's house. Is that what you're doing Halloween? The day before Halloween. Yeah. The egg is going Halloween. This is why you can't jump to it. You're going to pick something else. I was eating them. Good. Go. Did you know each other in high school?
Starting point is 00:21:20 No, no. Eggs get thrown at each other when you're very young. Late 20. That was good. Yeah. That was a good. I was let I got a Nate's house. This is in this is literally in New York City Oh, oh my god in Queens in Queens hang out at Nate Bargatsy's house. Wonderful comedian shout out your name would stop dog My my son's godfather right wise pick. Yeah Yeah, it is great story man, so anyways, I pick Quinn So I That's a way better pick Lewis lived in the Nate's basement. I think at the time or whatever So Lewis comes up so I'm like it's time for me to leave because Lewis is a lunatic and I don't want a part of him
Starting point is 00:21:55 Right, so I'm gonna leave I'm getting in my car 8 7-B you eccentric I'm getting that pulling open in the door. You got to really kind of work it to get the door open You know, yeah, we know you poor and. And Lewis goes, hey, they list. And I look over and there's an egg just flying at me. I duck in the nick of time. It fucking hits my windshield. It just shatters all over the fucking car. So there's egg and he's like, oh, he barks.
Starting point is 00:22:19 And I think call me a Jew or something. And then just gets back and I was like, that guy's a fucking animal. Yeah. And I hated it. And then just gets back and I was like, that guy's a fucking animal. And I hated. And I hated. And then finally he said some time magazine to the thing about who's your hero. And he's like,
Starting point is 00:22:31 Jailless is my idol and I was like, I lifted my band. And he asked, he asked a block. He asked like, he's like, the magazine, you were fucking, you weren't nice to me, you hated me, boo boo boo. And like, yeah, it almost fucking killed me.
Starting point is 00:22:42 What the hell is it? It was a fucking Josh, dude. But you don't even know what a Josh. Throwing a fucking real egg at somebody's head that you don't know is a joke. What's a Josh? I knew him. You didn't know him?
Starting point is 00:22:54 He didn't know you. It's a fuck and he's up stairs too. And like 100 you guys. So it's flying. That gravity into that. That's fucking. I thought it was gonna hit like the four 10 feet before and then get into his shoes. I thought you didn't hit like the four, 10 feet before and then get into a shoe.
Starting point is 00:23:05 I thought you didn't remember it. You just said you didn't remember it. No, no, I said I remember it. What are you talking about? Oh, you said earlier, I didn't remember it. He didn't remember it. Yeah, I didn't remember until he brought it up. Yeah, because he just,
Starting point is 00:23:15 because you don't remember the bad that you do. You don't remember the good that you do. I, all I know, interesting thing. That is a very interesting thing that you just said. There's a lot less things to remember Is that one set and I guess you were there when Lewis James was born Yeah, it was jerking off on the bathroom
Starting point is 00:23:46 Please and I had brunch together the other day we did how was it that was good who paid we split look I played with the baby He is split one pays the other one pays the next time who split I suppose we man, we have one yeah, we're all friends one pays and then the other one pays You know split like fucking two lesbians wait, so we have to pay for your pizza next time now you don't pay for my pizza I pay for the pizza why? Now you don't pay for my pizza I pay for the pizza why because I am I don't like that 90 you literally said the same joke and fucking for different ways You all fucking jumped on that card. Oh you You brought cookies he bought cookies for you. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I remember the cookies that night wow That was you got so angry like what do you mean boxers for everybody?
Starting point is 00:24:23 That night. Wow, that was, you got so angry. Like, what do you mean by cooking for everybody? I was like, you were head-med cookies. Which, we're who, we're who got all these cookies. You did, we Instagram with the moment. How about the guy at the fucking pizza place who was kind of that angry face? And I went, hey, did we do something to fucking piss you off?
Starting point is 00:24:39 No, why? I don't know, because your face, I go, your face seems angry. Remember that? What was this? At the pizza place. Yeah. Well, with a pizza, he was just fucking I know because your face, I go, your face seems angry. Remember that? What was this? That's the pizza place. Yeah. Well, with a pizza, he was just fucking finger.
Starting point is 00:24:48 I was going to score, but you weren't invited. I was there. I was there. He was there. He was there. No, he was there. You fucking asshole. I swear to God, I don't remember a scope of scope of it.
Starting point is 00:24:58 It's like every episode of this show. Did you know your baby was shot? Jesus Christ. Nothing. You don't fight back at all. It's like fighting a fucking retard, honestly. Wow, that's what I- Did you know your baby was crazy? Jesus Christ! Nothing! You don't fight back at all! It's like fighting a fucking retard, honestly. Wow, that's fighting back.
Starting point is 00:25:09 Is it more skilled than you? Yeah, basically. Anyways. Alright, so let's look, I really want to thank you. Did you guys buy gifts for the gift drive? No. I did. You did?
Starting point is 00:25:20 Thank you, what did you get? I'm getting my tomorrow. All the 12 inch Marvel action figures. That's you? Yeah, and then a lot of the Legos and crayons were given that all to the little kids Yeah, the little boys. I hope you don't give me the team. Well, you know what the teenagers would like them They would have might have sawdemised each other with it. Yeah, they're not what the fuck it is You fuck with you. I'm the black voice for them and now they're sawdemising each other. I didn't do black voice I play it back you said motherfucker. That's black voice. How's that black voice? That's racist You think motherfucker belongs to I am not racist. Yeah, you are you already said mean things about will will is the best host at the comedy
Starting point is 00:25:53 Cellar and he's a dear friend and he's hilarious and he's great You're a politician backtracking right now. I've had lunch with them bigger than the pictures of us having lunch We never lunch, but I would have lunch with you. You want to lunch will let's have lunch all right great. We'll split We never lunch but I would have lunch with you. You want to lunch will let's have a lunch all right great. We'll split So then So you bought gifts I want to give yeah, he brought it over the house actually You buy the gifts for Lewis the gifts are pretty much for people like you so you don't have to buy anything if you need something Let me know The band-aid earlier. Yeah, hey hold on you physically buy the gifts Oh, you buy I had a different angle on your bomb my Amazon
Starting point is 00:26:27 You've basically buy the gifts and you bring them to some place on your bomb my Amazon You and you have a ship to that place that you think that's basically in the actual Amazon I get them bring them physically that I don't I don't like your hand gestures for both of those scenarios with the same exact ones Well, I'll answer I left one finger up for one and We'll all answer. I left one finger up for one and boy, I'm going to get the other. No, you can order them off Amazon, haven't you?
Starting point is 00:26:48 We got a PO box specifically for that. So we go and it was just for toys. So we would know, we didn't want it, because we had stuff coming in, don't buy a bicycle. Why not? Because, dude, who the fuck's gonna, one kid's gonna get a fucking marvel doll
Starting point is 00:27:03 and the other kid's gonna get a bike? That's good ones. That's not a perfect one. I'm gonna put a monopoly game so they can trade the money I almost kept the Hulk was really hard some of those toys. I was like I was fucking just been fump into my fucking into my office The Wolverine was cool, but dude the fucking Hulk one is bigger than all them And then they you had the fucking Star Wars watch I was fucking. I didn't do Star Wars watch. Oh, that was somebody else.
Starting point is 00:27:27 That was me. First of all, you know Bobby kept some of the gifts. I did not keep one gift at all. It's stuck under your shirt right now. That's my stomach. Oh. I. Ha, ha, ha.
Starting point is 00:27:37 Who an Adrian, you bought some gifts. What'd you get? I got a bunch of LEGOs and... Born shit. He got a long board. A long board... Born shit. He got a long board. A long board. He has a personality of a long board. What's a long board?
Starting point is 00:27:51 A long board like a cooking board? It's like a skateboard. A second iron board. He can buy a long board by Ken Bond bicycle. He didn't buy it. He didn't buy it. He confiscated it. The other stuff.
Starting point is 00:28:02 Yeah, the other stuff he bought. He actually bought the LEGOs and the basketballs and all the stuff which is great But you want to buy bicycle? Of course you I'm just kidding you can buy a bicycle But it's fucking Christmas the deadline was already done. It's so late. Yeah, it's too late right now Yeah, why because Christmas is next week. So what that mean what that mean? What does that mean? You want me to throw the dozen there? It means Christmas is next week Yeah, here's big face ship stuff That mean, what does that mean? Do you want me to throw the dozen there? It means Christmas is next week. Yeah. They face ship stuff for S&P.
Starting point is 00:28:27 You can't be as clotted. They ship stuff for. What's up with language that you talking Christmas next week? Oh, Joe, you're gonna get all over Lewis for that? Yeah, well, I was really proud. That was pretty weak. Hate. Yeah, thank you.
Starting point is 00:28:39 And Connor, of course, did a fucking, I mean, that was just amazing that he did that. That really helped out. So it was too late late then it's to buy a bicycle yes I'm not fucking so I can buy a regulatory then well if you'd like I will make sure they get them yes okay I'll do that if you want it what are you gonna buy okay give me three good options I'll go about bike but give me to go to the website robocadolive.com slash gifts. And there's actually options up there for you for different age brackets
Starting point is 00:29:10 and different, you know, races. I'm kidding. Okay, we actually, we gave a bunch of the teenage stuff to a bunch of kids last Saturday. And there's one of the kids was is he's in a wheelchair and he's actually a stand-up comedian and Lewis gave a... Spired as a... No, Lewis gave a great gift.
Starting point is 00:29:34 It's sort of a gift to this kid. He gave him stage time at the job. He hooked it up, he didn't give it to him. He hooked it up through the people that run LOL to go up because he's got a wheelchair so he can't go to go up because he can't he's got a wheelchairs So we can't go to the cell. He can't go to but that they have an elevator there. No, we looked at his tape We haven't given him an answer yet, but we'll see what happens What are you what are you talking about you're gonna give him five minutes? I know the book are really well
Starting point is 00:29:57 So I'll take care of it. Yeah, are you figuring b-brown? So are you figuring b? That's serious. Why will you hit well me as a question the other day when you have a lunch with her what the why will you do in that? Oh? Personal I can't talk about that. No seriously. What the sleep Lewis. She needs a way out. Are you fucking around? Your acting is so bad that I hope you're fucking around Me no scope of his acting is I'm not he he was it we went to the fucking Richie a mall take a time the rich You mall me and don't walk around with max going old. Maybe to pick up some hat today You saw him with B. I saw him at the fucking Cuban restaurant with B and James. Oh
Starting point is 00:30:34 Boy, that's just we're just cool I'm gonna just really scuffle on the This I would Camera though something the law I would count that as my Yankee's Who's big that's a Lewis's girlfriend? Why he fucking the girlfriend? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding Lewis Scratching your head This hat is making my fucking scalp it's what I said. That's why we're with God damn hat, too You want to take the who wants to take that off raise your head?
Starting point is 00:31:10 Then take them off. Yeah, you want to fucking take them off? I know disappointed mom voice I'll help you clean the kitchen while everyone goes watching football that's sad mom voice I Just worked all funny day to do this It was the air crisis episode I mean I went and told what the fuck did you just say that's usually white mom black moms don't take what a black mom beat that ass White mom be like I'll put the hat on you no black mom black But that's black mom. I know no I'm taking it white moms do that Black moms be all like can you come down to the kitchen white moms be whipping that ass Mother fuck
Starting point is 00:32:02 They push push the strollers in front of cars Get a little suit Right, that's the only way my mother told me that What? Are you kidding me? My mother when I was learning how to drive I swear to God I swear to God I wish that could be the name of the podcast Yes, all right, so look in Rockland County There's I said this time, well some bonus show the other day
Starting point is 00:32:17 Joe's doing math over here When I was learning how to drive when I was 16 There's an area in Rockland County along root 59 One area is called Spring Valley One area is called Muncie I'm putting a driver, when I was 16, there's an area in Rockland County along Route 59. One area is called Spring Valley, one area is called Muncie. I'm putting my disguise back on, so I can't be implicated into this. There's nothing implicated, listen, good. My mother said that she's dead, so the juice won. So a juice won.
Starting point is 00:32:38 So she said when it was learning how to drive, she was like when you're driving to Spring Valley, there's a lot of Haitians, lock your doors, because they'll just jump right in your car. Very true. Yeah, they do. Yeah. Wait a minute. Why do they jump in? Isn't that how we'll got in here? They jumped in one day when the door was open? I think will. Is that true? That's not true. I do those racists for those. Why do they jump in the cup? Why would they jump in the car? They don't have houses. They're trying to live there. Why you why you? Can I take this car door for my house
Starting point is 00:33:11 You are not going to use this laptop. I'm going to put it on my roof. I got you to have for the next the new host of Last comic see I don't NBC Lewis go hey, how you doing and then they cut to this why you why give me the door So the Jews then when you go down root 59 and they have the TMZ thing Go ahead and you go down root 59 yeah, I'm a monthy, which is a very very large Jewish population Yeah, and my mother that's what he asked true when I was a lot of Kind of Jews see dick or acidic Jews yeah So he said when you're driving to Muncie watch out because the Jews will push their stroller in front of your car
Starting point is 00:33:45 So they can sue you really yeah, so what's was a hasty jumping your car a freaking Jew making you hit they bet you baby You baby I'm gonna go hasten I'm gonna go take an advice from a Puerto Rican mom She's like my mother was Italian Irish your mother Italian Irish? Yeah, all of Lewis' back stories just get darker and darker like his life lessons that he learned when he was a kid. Like the first time he told us that his mom made him go to all the people that bullies house
Starting point is 00:34:13 and fight them in front of her. What happened? Like some Scott Pilgrim versus the world. Do I remember that? Yeah. Yeah, I was hit on here. Yeah, I like that. Every story that sticks out to me is when him
Starting point is 00:34:23 and Justin Silver took Naked lie naked and jerked off next to each other as a to fuck with big J who was in the bathroom as a Goof You got butt naked and jerked off one other he jerked up He was like yeah, dude. How funny would be if we got hard right now? Like do it would be funny. It always bad to get a jerk off me hard It's gonna come out. I'm gonna get hard. It's gonna come out. We'll both be hard, naked, and a bed with each other.
Starting point is 00:34:49 How you got hard? I didn't get hard. I didn't get hard. Commitment to a joke. Yeah. Every one of Lewis's stories is just dark. And it's like, well, I learned about hard work because my mom put me in a ditch.
Starting point is 00:35:02 They said, if you want to get out of here, crawl out. And you're like, God, damn, that must have scarred you. She was a good mom. Oh Jesus, I know, all right, what the fuck man? You're in a emotional rollercoaster today. You mean, and then you're sad, and then, you know, what the fuck? And you're racist?
Starting point is 00:35:20 I mean, super rude. I would racist throughout all of those other emotions, by the way, that's just a track your own. And I'm not racist, dude. I just tell like it is. I'm a real ass dude. You guys know that No, you racist. Yeah, you're absolutely racist. Yeah, 100% Like it is is racist it's 2014 dog. What the fuck does that speaking of race? Kelly for stuka actually emailed me oh I'm speaking of race Kelly for stuka actually emailed me You got to read the thing in her voice. I swear to God. I was praying that she was one of the people under in the Sydney siege
Starting point is 00:35:53 Why really? Well, you know, it's still I love Kelly. You know fuckingator. Do you hate her? I love kidding dude I'll picture a part of a week. We have to have Dan Rita. Oh, his voice You know what first things first I pop up is regorah honey's dummies What's up, honey? I want you to apologize to Kelly for saying that damn it. Yeah, apologize This guy. Oh, we got the coupons bring up the coupon thing there. Okay, which one are you gonna use right now? Actually, you know what you don't have to apologize Kelly. I take that back. I'm sorry You appreciate it. Oh, I want you to compliment Kelly. Oh
Starting point is 00:36:27 Hang on now I get a count to three and then you compliment her I think from more than three seconds He's in the first one to count to first 500. No, we're gonna count to three and you say something very nice about Kelly Genuinely genuinely one. Oh, so you said immediately the other day one What I say to immediately the other day. One. What do I say to you the other day? Do you give me a hint? No. One.
Starting point is 00:36:50 I was just suffering without her. I did say that. Did you really say that? How long is it? Shhh. One, two, three. Kelly for Stuka. You.
Starting point is 00:37:03 It's gonna be real, bro. Compliment. It's a compliment. It's gonna be real, mean real bro. You have to compliment has to be real you Play a clip of hers to refresh him Dan can you do her voice for him really quick? Hi, hello It's me. I got it. Hey, but wait that actually put me in the mode I got I've pictured Kelly I got a picture Kelly I remember you are amazing with my son and I appreciate the parents that you you babysittered it
Starting point is 00:37:29 I wanted to steal them, but they wouldn't allow me to take them on the boat She took a plane back It's not just like that Baby sat So that one we actually have a Deep will put a thing up that one is put the check next to that. Did you do it? I returned it checked off the thing up, that one is put the check next to that. Did you do it?
Starting point is 00:37:43 I returned it. Checked off. So anyways, let's, we're gonna go on to just a couple of things that are fucking crazy. First of all, we wrapped up, we'll talk about that definitely. We wrapped up sex drugs and rock and roll.
Starting point is 00:37:55 Congratulations. Yeah. Congratulations. So you can lose weight now? I have to. They actually, they actually wrote it in. Ah! The fucking spoilers. No spoilers. Jesus. I'm gonna lose weight Bobby gets AIDS in season two
Starting point is 00:38:12 Get's a season one and then yeah, we get a we got a big cliffhanger at the end Yeah, we got a haven AIDS we have secretly fucked everybody else he had AIDS and then he was like I want to solve He secretly fucked everybody else he had AIDS and then he was like I want to solve the same. I was giving AIDS. Yeah, he was giving. It was. That's what you got for Yankee Swap for. Sorry, dude. Next you we should do a Yankee come swap.
Starting point is 00:38:36 Oh, it's true blue. So come on, cheap. All right, Red Sox come swap. Terrible. Thank you, Chief. It's a fucking bandana. Itrible. Hanky Sheeve. Hanky Sheeve. It's a fucking bandana. It's a bomb, Danny, you fucks.
Starting point is 00:38:48 Right from the round, your microphone to remind you of your stupidity. Dredo, Dredo, Dredo, Dredo, Dredo, we will play. Dredo, Dredo, Dredo, Dredo, I'm made it at a clay. That's it? Give me a hand of Hanky Sheeve. Put me in the oven. It's supposed to be a joke, I was saying. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So if everyone went, ah, that was hilarious Lewis you would have been like I would have been like it wasn't a joke guys It was a song. Okay. So anyways, let's talk about this the
Starting point is 00:39:32 You know, do you know what's good? What do you got? I'm gonna give Joe one of my real-life coupons. Whoa, no transfer ability Read the fine print depends on the font issuers consent So which one were you gonna give to Joe because I'm the issuer and I don't know what those other words mean But I think I got a new relation. I'm definitely gonna use this right now, but five minutes podcast Skopos time and I'm gonna buy you a Puerto Rican time this would be the best five minutes Lewis ever does I am ready ready and Mother One Let me tell you some about Lewis though honestly God he it was he the one
Starting point is 00:40:15 He's the one who you would have been here on time. Yeah, you were fucking around But you would have been on a time. He's the one who made you late. I knew I was I knew I'm always here on time right always on time Yeah, never late, and if you wait wait right it's one of my pet peeves. It's a pet peeve because Frantically walking across town. We can't get a cab. It's cold. Right. We're gonna get his gift Did he not care? They say fuck Bobby? No, but he was really dead. That was a pause and dance a nice guy No, no, no, no, he was more like a No pantomime mean that's not in the You can't you can't pantomime I don't want a pantomime mean that's not in the You can't you can't pantomime I don't want a pantomime
Starting point is 00:40:48 By the way Bobby just in case you're wondering Sucking okay, yes, yes, yes, well, where's yes pregnant? You're sucking coffee. Amy eating. Amy. Amy. What? Do you remember Amy from Congo?
Starting point is 00:41:10 Yeah. I told you the ape of the sideline group. Maybe Lewis could become a mind. That's success. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you can move to Amsterdam. You're fucking asshole.
Starting point is 00:41:17 Pay yourself silver. This is called a mind club. This coupon really makes me feel like, uh like when you shut the window on a noisy day Actually makes me feel like when I'm inside and the Puerto Rican day parades outside. I just feel safe right now How could I get any word here? Oh You can't have a wordy bandana. Yeah, he can if it doesn't get a laugh you do well he can laugh he would laugh rapping around you uh what I'd fuck you I'm losing weight first of all so fuck off yeah we know when you know what Dan you're a fucking ass why am I not asking because
Starting point is 00:41:55 that hurt why I know you're gonna do it he's needing healthy food for a few days I'm gonna test to that I fucking taking the cheese off some of the cheese off the pieces not hitting healthy friends You laugh that's a fuck that's not a joke. He's being serious. He's not what he's doing. He's not doing that I fucking I ate fucking ate really good you a who is did that as a fucking stand-up New York labs poker party took all the cheese off the pizza We and then fucking and the eight the cheese. There's cupcakes you didn't need them. No, I was drinking two meals. He was making the last night I ate fucking ring dings
Starting point is 00:42:30 and donuts. What? And I had hamburgers, fried rice, homemade ring dings, and homemade doughnuts. We had the rap party last night. They were delicious. They were delicious on it. Mm, delicious.
Starting point is 00:42:39 Home made ring dings. Yeah, like just walking around. Yeah, just as many as you want. Yeah. That's like your opium, then. Oh, like just walking around. Yeah, just as many as you want. That's like your opium dead. Oh, I don't. Hey, where did let's go? Lewis, he's still here. Oh, I'm sorry. He's still here. Yeah. I don't think this counts, dude. You're silent, bro, which means you get no attention. What is that? By the way, make a rap party joke. No, that's a terrible, give him the band band and I don't give him the band and the only one who's ever got the band and your silence by the way this is
Starting point is 00:43:09 also coming okay I like that one don't you know you can't grab it I'm fucking unloading on him I got him in the corner I'm just gonna keep throwing fucking hey man yeah I am this whole thing with uh... with uh... the the movie and sony pictures and in north korea is fucking that's isn't it we don't talk about the show we got we don't like my show that's wrapped it i mean we really can't talk about too much right i think you can how long you we sweet tweeding all that
Starting point is 00:43:40 it's how i how it's a half hour show how long is the editing product like how long until they've already had it in five shows We were supposed to be aired in April and they switched it they switched it to July Because they wanted us to be the 10 o'clock show instead of the 10 30 show Okay, because that we were gonna be the Billy Crystal show would have been the anchor at 10 and we would be after him Yeah, they want us to be the 10 o'clock show and And also, there's a lot of shit going on in April, sweeps and all this stuff that's happening.
Starting point is 00:44:09 So it would have been a weird time for us to come in, but now in July, you think it's the summer and all that, but the way people watch shows now, they DVR, blah, blah, blah. It's actually not a bad thing. It's a great day. Yeah, we don't know yet. We don't know yet. That's rumored from Monday's at 10.
Starting point is 00:44:24 I think Monday's at 10. It's a good yet. I've rumored from Monday's it 10. I think Monday's it 10 I think Monday's I think too, but we saw a clip we saw a clip of A gag real kind of but it was actually it looks great. It visually it looks fucking awesome. Yeah, that's really good Bobby Salarious, yeah, I'm mug and indicate now he doesn't they't. They didn't fight. Here's what Lewis is doing in his silence. Here's the thing they did it. He doesn't, he never fucks up a line. He always knows this shit. He always knows this cue.
Starting point is 00:44:54 He's like the most professional actor on the set. Everybody else, we fuck up our lines. We fucking wind up in the wrong spot. And we literally, okay, let me do it it again He never did that one fucking time so because of that I didn't make the blooper real All right, Lewis you can go You can talk to Lewis Found a text to speech app and I'm writing Bobby is I found a text to speech app and I'm writing Bobby is
Starting point is 00:45:27 Well, but this was good. It was good. We know Bobby is sad Why would you just why would you just keep going with it? I might have to be silent again Very soon you could have just remain silent Yes, there's another silence one. Oh, yes Well, I don't know you use the other silence one. I want to do it at the end of the episode so we can't give any plugs Data Um, I the other it was a 10 minutes one to five minute one was used already It was you have that no you took it and you ripped them up. No, I didn't do that one was already used No, no was it in the chat was that I have 10 minutes of silence on a podcast
Starting point is 00:46:00 No, hang on one second. Do poo. No, they said no, I've let you said everyone No, yeah, they said no honor. You're super fan Connor I will literally beat you do put he just fucking donated to kids well I'm not one of those kids motherfucker. I said chat fans. All right. Here's a deal. That's a fat chance Chat fan you you rip them up. You rip them up. You call fat chats rip them up. You rip them up. You call them fat chats. Fat chats. Fat chats. Here's the thing about Lewis. Fat chats. He's just fat.
Starting point is 00:46:27 What is it? Fat chats. He's so negative all the time. Yeah, all the time. That it just brings people down. Right. It's the holiday episode. Yep. Which is about positivity. Yeah, about giving. About giving.
Starting point is 00:46:37 About giving. About giving. So right here, today I make a stand. What? Lewis turns it around. Yes. And must complete three acts of kindness before the end of the day God damn it. No, we throw the end of the episode However, well it says by the end of the day and I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I am glad contracts on the eye hold
Starting point is 00:46:58 If you had any fucking if you had any spine or Christmas spirit you do it by the end of the podcast But we are cashing this in right now. I don't like you using for a second I saw what you did there. I didn't meet you reaction was like I got a spine motherfucker act to cut his boom jerk will off Make up with that you're gonna do a second hand to jerk will off He's a huge penis. Yeah, that's a big dick joke. Thanks Joe. Are you gonna do any of those during the show? I'll do some acts of China's yeah, okay? We'll do one right now. Let's get one out of the way I'm not it's very hard for me to do kind things so I have to think you can't put me on the spot and go kindness go
Starting point is 00:47:34 No, you can't do that with fucking humor either I can see I think that was a good one. I think we did a lot. We want to have a laugh. I want to make sure you got it I think that was a good one. I think we did a lot. We would have had a blast. I want to make sure you got it. So that fucking violent. I think about Sony, Doug.
Starting point is 00:47:51 Yeah, well, it's a really fucked. I mean, it's crazy. You everybody knows what happened, right? Well, yeah, everybody days ago, by the time they hear this. But it's actually coming. It's still here. What if we do it already?
Starting point is 00:48:03 What if we do it already? What if we do it already? What if we do it already? What if out of war already? We might be. Who? Let me have a great time. The interview of the movie with James Franco and Seth Rogan, which is pretty fucked up thing to do. They could have literally went fantasy and we would all know and it was North Korea, we would all know and it was the leader of North Korea.
Starting point is 00:48:23 We could have just went that way which most movies usually do really would have been more creative Well, they I mean they really said fuck it. We're going for this to be real We're gonna I mean which is it I mean you're saying we're gonna go kill the leader I mean if they did that up to Obama or England did it. We're gonna kill a bomb We'd be like production value would be terrible and we'd be like man But you're fucked. Maybe no Obama, but like Bush, people would have been upset.
Starting point is 00:48:47 Well, oh yeah. You know what I mean? I guess North Korea did a cyber attack on Sony Pictures and released all these fucking documents and people trashing other people, which is fucked. They also revealed that they were men in chat rooms when men thought they were women. A bunch of said, I I'll take that bomb data
Starting point is 00:49:07 Said cyber and I thought a cyber sex what the fuck was that We're actually got away with it as being real and now that Joe yeah because I don't know bad The robot and he just had a first glitch Dan's a humor robot is amazing and you just fucking Dan can you do me fair and Pass that to you? Maro, but I can't human robot You're not going back into the jungle to pull me out. You're a me head robot You like I'm sheek with that thing Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, cared, they like, you know, we got to step up this Christmas thing and then they made it seem like it was a threat coming. We got a real surprise for you on Christmas. They're like, we're going to bomb you.
Starting point is 00:50:14 What? Dan's gonna get us killed. Let's relax. Are you really that afraid? I'm terrified of these. I'm really not that popular. Yeah. Yeah, there's this, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Starting point is 00:50:33 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,'re just numbers. Oh, hey, so it's pretty crazy that they backed out though I mean they stay said fuck I mean millions and millions back out all the movie theaters back down movie theaters back Out movie theaters back down, but they backed out too because they didn't they didn't come out and say fuck you let you They had no choice movie tears would say we ain't gonna play your films. Well, it's something gonna do put it on netflix Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was talking about this before the podcast do that and they said they're not gonna do that sure They said they're not putting up a new or anything why they have no future plans to release this thing in any way And they fucking back down which makes it even more fucking now which makes me think that they're they now they're using it
Starting point is 00:51:21 Yes, now they're using it now they got it to where they're like oh People are afraid to go so if they would have left it at that, now they're like, well, you know what, we're gonna take our ball and go home and now everyone's like, yeah, but we wanna play with your ball. Now people wanna watch the movie. Yeah, now Seth Rhodes is gonna be actually more popular, which is what we all need for him to be,
Starting point is 00:51:40 to make more movies. He's fucking popular. I mean, all right. It's pretty fucked up that this has happened to me. It's crazy that the movie theaters back down. It's fucked up to the government and go fuck you. You play this movie. It's art and you made a...
Starting point is 00:51:55 The government can't do it. The thing is that they like, where people really get killed, the movie theaters. That's the thing I was saying. How are the fuck are they gonna... How the fuck are you? Calm down. Calm down. Okay, good point. How are you gonna. How the fuck are they gonna what you if you how the fuck calm down calm down? Okay, good point. How are you gonna fuck it? How are they gonna what are they gonna do?
Starting point is 00:52:09 You just did five sentences. What are they but what are they gonna do? What have they done? I don't know but you call a while when that movie how did they happen that I had nothing to do with anything right? Yeah, but that's what we got people on this. What's that happened? That means it's open Move it there this if I'm saying this, and this is somebody else in this. People sue movie theaters if they're fucking popcorn and there's too much butter on it. So they come out and they go, we're gonna 9-11 attack these movie theaters,
Starting point is 00:52:33 and Sony goes, well, fuck you, we're putting this movie out anyways, and then by any chance something does happen. They get sued. And they go, hey, look at the 9-11. We had these warnings. We had these warnings. Hold on, hold on.
Starting point is 00:52:43 But you let it happen anyways. People sue. And warnings again, so if anything happens people so far too much by the napop Okay, they're super silly shit, but Joe's right. That's why the movie there's didn't it wasn't because they were like Bowing down was because my help Bobby out Awful it's just fucking Look like Dr. Emmett Brown when he pulls It's just fucking scary. Look like Dr. Emmett Brown when he pulls this thing. I was literally starting to pass out.
Starting point is 00:53:09 I was literally like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,
Starting point is 00:53:17 I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, Can dictate what we watch or what they what we think is funny us another a communist country can say you know what no
Starting point is 00:53:27 We don't want you fucking watching that go fuck you see people are people are making it People making it seem like it's a freedom of speech issue and they're like I have freedom of speech We can watch you can you can make whatever you want but Sony's a private company and there you went We're not we're not releasing these Japanese companies So not really a freedom of speech thing. It's not like with the government. Yeah, I'm gonna go bomb con volotea la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desesperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea.
Starting point is 00:54:14 Parifa sujeta a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. But they said that's but Sony had a weak security system to begin with so it was like Maybe you know Sony had in there for months. They said which makes it months ago, which makes me think they're It was there's someone working at Sony that was just so pissed off. There's like fuck it. Here you go hackers now Do they're government that they have the fucking best? They're an Asian government They have the people who are amazing with fucking computers No, they said that but they had a weak security system though. That doesn't even matter, dude. Government hackers, we hire kids who are like 19 years old, instead of putting them in prison, we make them work for the government,
Starting point is 00:54:51 it slaves for the rest of the world. Would you watch hackers the movie? Yes, that's what I can go on my face all the dry roads. What if Deepu is North Korean? He's not. He's not. That's the truth, dude. I mean, if they, like, fucking a movie company, if the government wants to get into your emails you think the government can't game to a fucking movie company's emails
Starting point is 00:55:09 I completely agree with them when like when the whole snow didn't thing happen and they're like can you believe they're bugging our phone? Yeah, they gave us super computers in our pockets They're not gonna let us fucking walk around yeah, but yeah, but that that's fucking a form of espionage when you break into a company an American company Japanese company, but it's an American company. What the fuck Japanese movie are they doing? It's all American. Sony is a Japanese company, but it's an American company.
Starting point is 00:55:36 Because Americans buy Sony products. That does not mean that they're in a company. That means Americans are their customers. Yeah, but their company is based here and they have Americans working. It's an American Japanese company. If anything, if anything like Toyota is not just a Japanese company anymore They they're made here in America that makes it an American company Americans are actually making Toyota's It's not a fact you with only Japanese people working in it. I don't the whole logic matches up And I think we'll height-manning you just saying good point point I just like nothing for it. It's actually makes me feel good
Starting point is 00:56:06 I'm just parodying you and it's just like that That doesn't make it an American John. What do you think feels like a lot of guys who know squat talking about yeah? The show is okay, that's the whole show the same way all you do, but in different sides You please single that out because that should be the big that should be the the beginning of the show Okay, thank you. Well American companies Build factories and other countries and use them. So it's not like we're a Taiwanese American company Walmart It's not a Taiwanese American company. Yeah, it's an American fucking company
Starting point is 00:56:39 Good point that uses labor in other countries and then exports it here good point the way Japan might make stuff here Yeah, just cuz you have this fucking hype man on your side now doesn't mean you're making fucking Listen what I'm saying I'm not saying that though. I'm saying that the Sony is an American company They they I'm looking Sony pictures. I guarantee is an American company They did not start Sony pictures in Japan. I Guarantee they started it. It was actually MGM. It was a Stop stop stop John you know, well, no, I know a little back in the olden days It was MGM lore mar on the same lot Sony the corporate entity put in the money when it went public, they bought it.
Starting point is 00:57:26 So it is a public company. Right, American? I have a feeling. The offices may be in Japan. But, yeah. Sony Corporation, commonly referred to as Sony, is a Japanese multinational conglomerate corporation headquartered in Minotano, Tokyo, Japan.
Starting point is 00:57:42 Oh, shit. Right, but it says multinational, multinational, which means American many nations many many Nations It's many united states Thank you many nations United Many I'm not thrilled that the movie's not planning it's scary that they can shut us down. I'm just saying from Sony's point of view I see where they're coming. What do they do? What if every country does that? Oh everybody threatens us And then that's the problem with this is now they've eroded our sense of freedom
Starting point is 00:58:27 that where even 9-11 in some ways didn't let us what if they forget to lose that sense of freedom even in a even in a kind of like socio economic way like we kept shopping because the fucking government kept telling us to keep shopping and everything. We're not going to the movie because there's this threat now. So now they've actually gotten into our fucking brains. That's the scariest part about it. They put fear in us.
Starting point is 00:58:51 They put it back to tightbite us. That's right, man. Hey, don't push your country's technology on ours. No, but they were afraid again. Now we're scared and now we can't see a movie we want to see because we're afraid We're gonna be attacked, but what if we that's a fucking shitty thing What if we get attacked and then we now we gotta go fucking and got to go to war again to them How about I gotta go over there? Yeah
Starting point is 00:59:17 Yeah, I'm fucking James Franco movie Oh fuck that I'm dying for Franco. It's cross-. It's Squash AZ. Absolutely. Oh, yeah. That was a Leo. It has to be Leo in this. Wahlberg? Yeah, Wahlberg has to say.
Starting point is 00:59:30 Wahlberg, Leo and Dan Zell. Dan Zell. No, Anthony. Anthony Anderson. Dan Zell. Dan Zell. Dan Zell. I'm sorry, what's that?
Starting point is 00:59:41 Dan Zell, what's that? Dan Zell, what's that? Dan Zell, what's that? Dan Zell, what's that? Dan Zell, what's that? Dan Zell, what's that? Dan Zell, what's that? Dan Zell, what's that scope over tell you his favorite movie? No, what was it? What was it? National treasure? Can you leave me? I wanted to take that off. That's not 100% serious. Did you like the part where they got the glasses from Thomas Jefferson? I especially like that part. I need you to leave.
Starting point is 00:59:57 I need you to leave. It was an invisible map on the Declaration of Independence. You haven't seen good fellows? No, I have. That's embarrassing But so many they they'll get they'll be if something did happen they'd be shut down So it's more of a business thing that I think it is a war in America freedom. Yeah, wait me you hell Are you me shut down shut down how if Sony's like well? We're still releasing the movie even though this says 9 11 threats and then one guy gets shot in the face or whatever and they go that's true You go And then one guy gets shot in the face or whatever and they go that's true That's true It's kind of a mixture of both points. They're kind of using our capitalist nature against us by using this business and
Starting point is 01:00:37 Assuming to fucking instill the fear that it won't have you have gone to see the movie absolutely You would have on on Christmas day. Yeah, would you would you guys I'm Christmas day now. I would not have it looks horrible. I mean Would have seen it like a week later. I would have started later. No, I get to see one movie a year. It's not gonna be that one That's why one of you wait a minute. Hey, buddy hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on guys Will want to say something what you guys think they was gonna do So it's a part way to hold on hold on hold on guys will want to say something what you guys think They was gonna do Plan bombs and theaters go to happy we go to the desert shoot up the place
Starting point is 01:01:09 I'm give up on extra ball on it. What was it? What was the threat? What was the threat? I think they're gonna do nothing That's what I think right yeah, it's the same way I just is like Americans. We are coming to your bar He's like well, can I some other stuff wait Stop wasting one second. ISIS actually put a threat out to Canada and America where you use whatever means necessary to attack police officers, and they did. They hatcheted a guy in New York, a police officer. And they attacked people and the thing that just happened in Australia was because of ISIS.
Starting point is 01:01:40 Really? Yeah, they said, whatever, open your arms. Whatever means necessary, not a bomb or a plane, they said, whatever, whatever means necessary, not a bomb or a plane, a fucking hatchet, a gun or a knife. Well, I said, don't go into your home.
Starting point is 01:01:51 He said go into their homes. Yeah. At night and attack police and military in their homes and their families. Like they were very like, it's a different, because I'll tell you what that does. A big 9-11 type thing.
Starting point is 01:02:03 Obviously that puts fear in you, but we've already seen that, you know what I'm saying? The fear of you putting your son down at night, laying down in your bed and you're going like, holy shit, I just saw on the news that they might just kick my door down and fucking hack my family. Keep kidding with me, can you take that off your head
Starting point is 01:02:18 while you're talking about attacking police officers and military people? You actually look like the leader of ISIS. Well, why are you serious? You must go. I'll also take the t-shirt and shave the mustache and dumb beard as well. Joe, I don't like you.
Starting point is 01:02:33 Thank you, dude. What the fuck? I know what's that. You don't get my gift from me. What the fuck? What's wrong with you? I don't you like you. Guys, why are you?
Starting point is 01:02:40 Why are you doing this Christmas, Dan? I'm gonna talk at the same time. It's Christmas. It's fucking Christmas Christmas man, what's your problem? I Need somebody to hate it's not true. I Don't know why you fucking hey show He's not attacking you is attacking me through an egg at me bro Sorry, I didn't mean to attack it was seven years ago
Starting point is 01:03:01 There's a go. Sorry, I didn't mean to do it. I was seven years ago. We should do the gifts. We should do the gifts. Dan, shut up! The kiss is gonna take. Shut the fuck up, Dan. Dan, what did I tell you?
Starting point is 01:03:10 I'm checking all by here. Don't take it, Dickout. Oh, it's macro. That's you. Have you seen it? No. No, I've seen it. No, it's not.
Starting point is 01:03:19 Come on, please. Can I see the photo of it, please? Dude, who else? Will, can we see a photo of it? Please, for Christmas. Really? Hang on, just pass them as far as the bigger than seven inches. Take the photo of it please. Will, can we see a photo of it? Please for Christmas. Really? Hang on, just pass them a phone. Is it bigger than seven inches? Take the phone. Hang on, that's a coin. We just got to get your, can you just focus in on Johnny
Starting point is 01:03:33 Boyne? To say, Lewis, what's up? Whip it out. You should do your act like that. You get some less. When I take my hat, when I take my hat off. Bob, we should start the kid. It's going to take you three days to do this. We're going to do the gift.
Starting point is 01:03:49 We got a whole hour left. All right. We're going to show the dick and then we're going to go into, we're going to take a break and then we're going to come back and we're going to do ads and then we're going to do gifts. Ready? You got the dick. With my hat on, I look like a college student
Starting point is 01:04:07 that was great make sure the camera is also don't show the camera don't show the camera no you do you look at it yet we can that look at it how big is that look at his face how big is that that's real that's fucking real that's what that's will that's will that's a tripod
Starting point is 01:04:30 That's why you why are you looking at it again you two queens? If you to pass out That's all I got going for myself Well, it's like a good thing. Let me tell you it's fucking massive right, Johnny? He looks like a Haitian dirt digler and you're not you're busy later. No I'm not game just saying it like I'm interested What happens do you guys you know you know where you know, I mean Johnny's been on Ray Dunnevin this last season remember you guys watch right down of it. What about the fuck his name? Donovan Have you seen it?
Starting point is 01:04:59 Season one he was the porn guy remember the porn guy. Oh, yeah I wrote with I with uh with uh, with uh, who's he play? Who does Josh play the guy who plays the porn guy. Oh, yeah, I wrote with I with with a with a who's he play who does Josh play? The guy who plays the manager in our show I wrote he plays I wrote his name is Josh Pice The week before we did this we were doing Ray Dunham and he plays Stu Feldman the fucking Yeah, he wants to fuck this point star. He's a big powerful producer wants to fuck this point star He's a big powerful producer. Once the fuck this porn star, she's fuck you. Ray has to hook it up with him.
Starting point is 01:05:26 He says, you can fuck her, but only on film. So he has to hold the camera up. And he's, so all of a sudden he's fucking her and he's filming it. Then he starts, the camera starts going down and he's like, oh, oh, put the camera up and he puts the camera down. And he's like, hold that fucking camera
Starting point is 01:05:43 and then he just starts pumping real quick to come He's trying to come it was fucking really and then he comes over and punches him in the face. You beat the shit out of him Yeah, beat the shit out of him. I hit the punch a couple of it. But uh... And he was also, if you guys remember, the nutty professor with the the any Murphy, his assistant That's his assistant. That's awesome. That's awesome.
Starting point is 01:06:02 Yeah, I just got an email from sag talking about the sony thing what happened forwarded a message from sony pictures entertainment what does it say what's this dear it's long dear sag member as been widely reported sony pictures entertainment was recently hacked in confidential information from the computer systems with stolen and maybe publicly accessible and what is so he has indicated that this compromise data may include certain personality identifiable information about current and form employees of Sony and S.P.E.
Starting point is 01:06:28 This includes New York-based comedians that work at the Comedy Cellar. It goes on and on, but basically... You're fucking crazy. You're fucking crazy. You just lit up. Yeah. I guess he would've been jealous. I have nothing to hide.
Starting point is 01:06:44 Yeah, fuck that. What? Did hide What did you say about that email? I'm sure they say was it a Friday? Is that me? Is that me? Who's going up first tomorrow you are him? Who I suppose you're going first and then Dan? Yeah, I'll hope all right All right, we're gonna take a break real quick come back and do Yankee swap. Hey, I can't how you doing over there Talk to the mic. You have fun. Yeah, it's great. Alright, dude. That's it. What do you think about North Korea? Just test herpes. We'll be right. We'll be right back.
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Starting point is 01:10:16 Merry Christmas, happy new year. And I wanna thank everybody, every single one of you who donated to the YKWD first annual gift drive, you did an amazing job, you did an amazing thing for a bunch of amazing kids who need toys and need gifts for this holiday season. So really, truly from the bottom of my heart, no messing around. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Pitches will be up this week and of the toys and all the stuff just great job so much. Thank you And have a very merry Christmas and a happy new year to all you people. We're back right now You listen to proper killies. You know what dude podcast
Starting point is 01:11:05 Well read that last name. All right check it. Okay read the last name well So Manguah Okay, Joe Manguah. It's Zumaungi. Zumaungi same thing. Zumaungi. Jumanji. Zumaungumanji you remember that movie money. It's a fan of ours in Austin. Oh cool All right, so check it out. Let's go. You know what this is is the Yankee gift drive I believe we started this would Yankee gift swap Everything's a gift Yankee gift swap
Starting point is 01:11:41 Yankee Giftswap Swap. It's gonna come out of his head. It's gonna come out of his head. Everything's a gift swap. Yankee Giftswap. Who brought this to the table? Joe Liss. Thank you. And Connor, I got him to bring a bunch of gifts.
Starting point is 01:11:50 You did? I'm a hero. Why did he bring gifts for the Yankee Swap? It was the thing from the toy drive. Oh, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, trying to be funny and Ironic- Yeah, well, it didn't happen. I'm not saying the heck, it's if I'm a fucking Boston Marathon bomb survivor. We got Matt from the left button just showed up. Say hi Matt. Who else is out there?
Starting point is 01:12:14 Somebody else is out there? Chris is here? Chris! What's going on guys? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, You guys we're out come on and sit down sit down where we're live on the air right now All right, so check it out. We're gonna do the Yankee Giftswap. We need to pick numbers out of a hat I'm gonna go first Give me the hat I'm a fucking podcast dude How many numbers are podcast dude?
Starting point is 01:12:39 Nine nine you know what let me see the how many you see that hold on give me the hat He just said nine. We have nine. No, it's a nine. The gist has numbers on it. Adrian. No, fucking my man Conner's in it. Conner's in it, okay. I don't want him to pick my first.
Starting point is 01:12:54 You pick first. The gist has numbers on it. He can't have my gist. Shut up, Lewis. It doesn't fucking matter. We'll give the gist. Stop fooling you fucking shit. Then fucking take a gif to leave.
Starting point is 01:13:04 Don't be rude to Conner. I'm kidding Bobby. Oh fucking be nicer when you get that was my gift to him I fucking game mz. Eng right hold that Numbers on it. Let me see oh you can't remember then you pick a gift I was only saying I was I hold you number picking number you can't say your number I don't just pick a pack pick you yeah, but you got your number Connor Fucking rude to Connor He's the fucking sweetest guy in the world. You didn't buy a fucking Yeah, I don't have a gift right?
Starting point is 01:13:30 You know, God took them from you because you're a mean person You said you're a good mom too. What side is it? Are you the victim? What you're fucking mom special? You're picking them on pads. He borrowed them Kidding me you can't look at your numbers I'm gonna number no Kidding me you can't look at your numbers. I just look up Number no Can't show it you can't show it. Yeah, no, I definitely can't show it Deepo you got yours. Yeah, I heard about it. All the numbers. Okay now one is bad No, no number one. Yes. This number one picks the thing first and then they go back at the end
Starting point is 01:13:59 They get hold on number eight Not 19 people here What you get to swap every time? nine nine nine. You got nine. Number one. You go on annoying. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I have the worst number which is number two. Okay, that's the worst. Okay, three Right here John is number three. I got it. I got the worst will is four Who's five? I'm five deep blue deep blue five number six Come on six. Yes, it was Jacob. I got these scopus seven. Okay, seven number eight is number eight dance Scopus seven seven number eight is number eight damn suit Number nine is Connor nine and I got number uno
Starting point is 01:14:55 That's god that's Jesus Hold on, hold on. Holy bastard. Hold on. I said, Moses, yeah. You did Moses put his staff down and turned the numbers around? What'd he do? I don't know. I don't know what he's saying. No, I just was joking. We don't have time for that.
Starting point is 01:15:13 He had a staff. Like, don't tell me. There's made a snakes. This is gonna take a lot of time. All right, so we need Adrian. You need to go over there and I get to pick a gift so you can hold the box up for me. We have all the gifts in there?
Starting point is 01:15:25 No. What's that gift? That's my gift. Trader Joe's. Okay, where's Lewis's gift? This is my gift. That's your gift? All right, so bring the gifts all over.
Starting point is 01:15:34 Bring the middle table on the wires. Tell us, dude. It's the worst assembly of wrapping I've ever seen. All right. The Wins Go Fos gift. Why isn't there? I wear which one's Will's? Mine's in there. Mine's in there. I want that gift right there Lewis. I want yours. I want mine right now I want it right now. I'm opening it right now right? One by one open and one by one. I want
Starting point is 01:15:57 What is it? What's it a fucking E-Claire? This is Robert Kelly opening a Lewis bot This is Robert Kelly opening a Lewis bot Get the move the interview fuck you what it's a live animal I don't want a fish baby James. It's a fucking He's praying he doesn't get it back his name is dude He got a fucking fighting fish You can't eat it No, you could do whatever you want with it His name is dude and there's there's food in there as well foot fit to do it. All right
Starting point is 01:16:33 Can we put this on the second and I think at this Go somewhere that's retarded. All right retarded. It's a great gift put that on the betreese put put that on top of a tree's his hat You want to pick my gift? Okay, why do you say that to me my gift? You have to know what kind of doing right now? Well, he went walk 20 minutes. He was late 30 minutes for the show Don't the amazing if you can take whatever you want Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry It's a shut up Right?
Starting point is 01:17:02 You pick that fish you want to put mine, but the edges are gonna get taken from me anyways. No, not necessarily bro It is oh, if it's good. It's got fucking swiping it. I'm traveling I did you a fucking soul you take a mine I'm taking yours, but it's just gonna get taken from me And I think it's stuck with the fish cuz I got the shit You're gonna love mine is the shit Teta if I get a fish I'm stepping on mind the shit Lewis would love mine if I get the fish I'm feeding it to my rattles Lewis would love my Dan would love my alright Can I have my moment in the sun? You fuck it's the truth opening up a band so good
Starting point is 01:17:33 All right, I'm sorry you're right. You're right. You're right. All right. What is that? Bruins are This is a last second pretty good Boston Bruins socks. Yeah, All right. Oh, Boston Brewing Socks. Yeah. All right. I got giant fish. I can take the fish. You want the fish?
Starting point is 01:17:49 I kind of want to take it and just squash it and we do the rest of you. I'm going to keep it these brewing socks. All right. My bottom specifically hoping you know. Wait, did you notice that he looked in the bag for more shit? Yeah. All right, go ahead. Who's next?
Starting point is 01:18:04 Who's 20 bucks? Who's number three? You know, three. All right. Go ahead. Who's next? Who's 20 bucks? Who's number three? You're three. All right. Which one you're going to pick, Johnny? I can't see anything. You got to pick it by the person, I think.
Starting point is 01:18:12 Oh, you are. No, you can pick by the rapper. Okay. Fuck, I should have picked fucking dance gift. You get to pick whatever you want. I know. But, uh, the pick out of the gate. There's almost nothing in it, which makes it intriguing.
Starting point is 01:18:23 And more gifts than people. No, we don't.. It's gonna it's gonna Who who's gift the old pan out Joe relax? Wait, was it he picked his gift he picked his guy? I got this I got That's a good one too, right that looks a little weird guy who didn't know how to it looks like a pair of other pants No, yeah, this one looks like an envelope Yeah, this one looks like an envelope That's actually my gift that's your gift. I guarantee that some type of meat from Haiti World champion shirt that's Haitian
Starting point is 01:19:02 We'll got 92 that's Haitian chakuta. We still got to laugh with all the fumbling, it really speaks to the bit. That was a funny good joke, that was a really good one. I was thinking about turning it, you talked about it. Here we go, it's a prosthetic clock. What is it, more paper? I went to one's knee. Why was I hoping you bought a dick? I was bummed out when I was a fizz. I was like, I'm gonna make a pie.
Starting point is 01:19:20 What is this? You don't know what it's called. It's a raw picot. What? Wow. Those costs. Dude, I said under 20, not under 4. That's $8, man.
Starting point is 01:19:30 What the fuck? It's 9. He went to the Rob. No, that was. He went shopping at the wrong place. That trader's you can get this for like $3. Dude, Rob Picons. Oh, it's a good man.
Starting point is 01:19:40 I'm just a sh** man. These are healthy. You're gonna have to take them for that. Except you can only have a handful of these days. These are good these are healthy Except you can only have a handful of these a day also you're gonna like mine better than this Let's go I hold the box up for Will and have him pick please. I think so far I hate this game. Will just can use the wrapping paper to sleep until I pick. I just pick that Joe, that's Joe's.
Starting point is 01:20:16 Will, come on man. That sounds good right there right? Joe but sound that all over. You don't know, you can't take it. You got to take it Okay Jesus Christ it's so mean when you say it off Mike Someone Cooking chocolate and garlic watch out for the the mics and shit Jesus Christ just pick a gift you fucking ass
Starting point is 01:20:44 Watch out for the the mics and shit Jesus Christ just pick a gift you fucking ass Oh Nine fat asses look where we are He's also bald You're like a homeless person just pick one that's mine. He's like that's bad. I would pick scope Oh, he's got more money lives with his parents Joe list doesn't he doesn't make nothing. He's opening for me and soda Joe's gonna have a ton of heart Yeah, but yeah, I want to macaroni vase trust me. I would pick that although I love it. Joe's thing And I love Joe's all right here we go Joe's Joe's door but all right so you can't open the whole gift though what what
Starting point is 01:21:26 you what you do nothing it's cool oh my god he killed the fish I am not responsible for how this shit is stacked so Adrian make sure shit don't break all right we can open the whole game this is will open it you like can't open the whole gift because you can't have the thing in here what it's it's food right yeah I open it what is it and there's more in there and there's more in there Wait you bought a sub the Bronx bomber from the very Also also what gyms Cuban cigars That's a fucking
Starting point is 01:22:02 I Was a fucking Hation How happy is he's gonna fry it outside I have this Shit I tried a cigar club. Oh, this club right here Look, it's a whole lot. He really looks like it's a rose beef with bacon melted American cheese on a hero You're about the most of the plan. Will you you have your tricks of brewing socks? You're dumb pecan wait real quick. Yeah, fish hang on could there be my
Starting point is 01:22:42 Pecan more of a scope Yeah, fish hang on could there be my Beca more of a scope of I know I hope he gets What is so he take you get the sub of the Cubans now? He took my He took you guys Do you get the cigars and a fucking sub but I can steal that I can take that when at the end because I'm Never want to wait. I haven't made any poll yet
Starting point is 01:23:01 No, you could you could have switched. You had your chance to switch. At the beginning, you and the fish. You could have took the fish of the sauce. The fish of the sauce. The fish of the sauce. The fish of the nuts of the sauce. That's all you had. John didn't even know the rules, it's for best.
Starting point is 01:23:12 Well, you go to a white elephant thing and you can keep going. He's a rhino. Scopus gift is like watch out for the bag. It's leaking. What is it? It's a cup full of my mom's sauce. I put it in a bag. It's leaking. What is it? All right, it's a couple of my mom's sauce Okay, I thought you might enjoy it All right, who's next we gotta speed this up?
Starting point is 01:23:33 All right, I'm next. Let me pick a random Micrase knows that poo. We had him on the show to the poo Oh my god, I love Mike. All right. All right. There you go Deep oh my yeah, I love Mike. All right. All right. There you go Is that comes from me all right cool. Well, I'm taking that I'm probably gonna take I don't know deep who taking John's get people want you to take the fish you can have a friend Come on that was funny the comes from me. Well, even the cause laughing I just wasn't next to the mic even the cast members are bored by deep who oh It's Nespresso. Oh shit. We have an espresso machine. Did you bring it? What is it?
Starting point is 01:24:07 The coffee machine I told you to bring to the For sleeves of Nespresso. Yeah, where is that? What's the fucking thing from the studio? This is some of the box some of the best espresso in the world called it runs I gave you a Nespresso machine to put your car Right in my car still you are a fuck fuck. Yeah, you messed up. I forgot about that. I forgot about my man. He all be able to give you a young espresso. I love caffeine, so this is great.
Starting point is 01:24:30 But you need a new machine. Can I stop for a second? You need a machine, especially a machine to use those. Which I don't have. Which wait a minute, which I'll tell you. Can I stop? We have the machine, I got one, I had it in my room. That's right, this is your own snack.
Starting point is 01:24:44 It's coming up here. So now when you're up here, work it on the stuff, I got one, I had it in my room. That's right, this is how you're on set. It's coming up here, so now when you're up here working on the stuff, we'll have the machine up here for you to use. That's right. If I don't take those. If I don't take those. This is valuable fucking shit. That's $10 a pop, that's $30 a pop.
Starting point is 01:24:56 I get him four sleeves, he owes me eight bucks. That's actually 20. All right, who's next? There's a lot people you can have a live fish. You can have the socks, you can have the sub, you can have the fucking what did he be Italian food sounds pretty Can't fucking pies pecan healthy people, I'm gonna take the sub in the Saga all the way are you really? Wow, I'm probably gonna take those back but enjoy them while they last okay?
Starting point is 01:25:18 I don't know what he I don't even know what the I don't know what the sub is but it's the Bronx Bomber and I want it Don't tell me cuz I want to meet when I eat it. I want to be a skunk Jeater is coming. Don't tell me his gift is like jeet is come he just said stop everybody Deepwood you said a funny what he said he's got jeet is coming it That's right. That's right. What's your dance? I'm good to have you you I'm gonna take his bonzoda's bit. You actually have run out of steel. Oh, go ahead buddy. Go ahead. Oh, no It's got number six. It's all good. Come on soda. You got it. I'm not picking this one up I'm not going to get Bronx bombers like Lewis if you move to the Bronx
Starting point is 01:25:56 Thanky sheep see that good she's not a good friend. Thanky sheep. It's a good friend Yeah, it's like a successful. I let you say yeah, espresso and then it's like a successful I let's say yeah, it's press Oh, and then it's like the shitty absent Cool, right? He's a sandwich. Yeah, it's like no, they're good nuts. Where's hey is my gift that is Oh, I'm in my gift Where's my gift? It's a black bag. It's in there mines a black bag. Hey mines a black bag and he's all five So that's mine. That's legit. That's Bobby's. Oh, you got to like it. I, I, I have a feeling Bobby got something good.
Starting point is 01:26:29 I got something, uh, yeah, a gadgetie. It's a bag, dude. What would you open it like, then? Yeah. This is a savage. He lost his parents. I was, nobody like it. That's a micro trip.
Starting point is 01:26:41 Look at that. You can, without wearing a hat. And your band, okay. I like that, that's nice. I'm both. I love that. Yeah, well you can take it No, we got to make a clear to the audience. All right hang on stop. You're right. We're on video, but you got to make it clear What is it a Coca-Cola? No, but look at this twist the top just slightly put your weed in it Put your weed in it so you can hide it from you girl
Starting point is 01:27:00 So she doesn't leave you I'm my weed from my girl Yes, but you can listen now now she knows it exists. She doesn't know that well She knows I drink diet coke does work on aeropolines. I don't you have to read the direction Why is it heavy because it's supposed to be a coke coke so it feels like a coke you fucking dumb dumb That if black people try to break it apart me you could hit him with it and then you go hide your sandwich Is it a hand Bobby? You fat fuck How do you switch on him? All right, let's go. It's a coke that you can hide stuff in
Starting point is 01:27:29 Who's that? It's weird. It's for we that's a good gift I like the idea that Bobby you love it. It fits in a code No, do you want to switch it up and take your dumb fish back who wants that fish? All right, oh you want some you want some pecans are you staying? Oh, let me see what else is there? There's the sandwich. You know, no, you're taking that sandwich. The sandwich has to not touch the sandwich. I'm not, you don't know that.
Starting point is 01:27:52 Otherwise somebody pulls out two sandwiches and another one. You're taking that gift. I love the Bobby's doing the thing. Like, when you like your girl and you're like, it's not cute, though, right? It's not cute. Dude, why would you need her? Dude, I hear she's a slut.
Starting point is 01:28:05 Yeah, you don't want her. I love her. What else? What's up? Is there anything else I love? Well, there's a pair of socks. Always give this dress out. There's this dress out, but you need a machine to go with it,
Starting point is 01:28:14 which is $130. Oh, I really got that. Oh, you get the Bronx bomber and two fucking queers. You're one of the way that I'm keeping this. And you get fucking, I'm keeping this. And you get fucking, I'm keeping this. If you ride a bike everywhere and you need energy. Are you seven? I'm seven, by the way that I'm keeping this shit. And you get fucking... I'm keeping this. I'm keeping this. If you ride a bike everywhere and you need the energy,
Starting point is 01:28:27 I'm seven. All right, here we go. You're next. All right, here we go. Do you want the books that are wrapped in newspaper? What are those from you? Who is this? Those are Adrian.
Starting point is 01:28:38 Adrian, are those you... Is that your gift? It's not just. Is it for the kids? You're talking about your older brother. Guys, watch the fucking mics you fucking savages. Don't hit the microphone with a box of shit shut up. Alrighty? That's Joe's. Yeah the big one. I think deep ooze is gonna be good.
Starting point is 01:29:00 I bet it's some type of compact computer from India. I actually got you a more than minutes of with customer service. Of course you know because you have no common sense and you stoop it. That's what you buy sandwiches for gifts. I would take that. I would take that. They're not Cuban. Let's take it carried away. You got a next door and it's not Cuban Did you really oh shit alright? This is scuffle opening deep whose gift? Who what is it? What is it? It was it was shipped coffee. What is it? It was shipped coffee. Oh, it's just a box
Starting point is 01:29:36 I'll put it maybe there's something better than Yeah, yeah, it's more espresso. What is it? It's much. I watch out what I was two pounds of really really good coffee two people got coffee All right, all right people fucking Broke that off the table please all the wires. I'm sorry John ails and I have good taste. Sorry You put a fucking fish and get for two dollars No motherfucker Alpha on our beta Japanese fighting fish I want I want to I want to put if you put if you put a fucking goal fishing there would eat it alive
Starting point is 01:30:11 Really I'm number eight. I got I'm going I want to try to choose I know you are well you gotta take your sub back It's just coming over this way, so just leave it. I don't want it to be too fucked up by the time I get it I'm holding I think I need the fish. You're taking the fish! You're taking the fish! Scobo's taking the fish! No, leave it there. Leave it there. We're not going to see. We get it Adrian. He doesn't. Wait, so we had the fish.
Starting point is 01:30:34 Who had the fish? I had the fish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I got the coffee. I like coffee. So someone's getting coffee. Now you can do sidewalks. People who's getting his shitty gift back here. I have. Alright, so put that over there. Who's next? Very good coffee. So someone's getting coffee. Now you can do sidewalk. People who's getting his shitty gift back
Starting point is 01:30:48 So put that over there who's next very good coffee? Everyone I know that is good coffee Yeah, you know that brought it out. Yeah, I do Everyone you'll have your coffee. I'll have my coffee. I'll walk out of here This is Dan's moment now everyone forgets that most of the time the best gifts are and sometimes the strangest packaging Yeah, indeed. We're looking at your face. Joe Legas. I'm a very thoughtful gift giver. All right.
Starting point is 01:31:08 Here we go. What is it? Double pack of hand sanitizer. Great for comedian, shaking hands. We call that fan juice. We need it. Ooh boy. I think it's going to surface what this is.
Starting point is 01:31:17 It's one gift. Shhhh. Yeah. Dude, but many rolls you can put in your fucking bag when you take your ship on the road. Hand sanitizer. Yep, and Loube Alverde deep penetrating cool soos and refreshes. Oh What is that to the body what is it?
Starting point is 01:31:34 No, it's a ham or lotion No, no Second little axe body spray. Are you fucking men? Maybe you want to cover up? What what is this package do you fuck guys at rest stops? Who wants to jerk off? It's a jerk off He saved it saved it this is great. What's the name of the title? The the North Pole series Peter North's North Pole North Pole. It's a masturbation package. What a thoughtful gift giver Package what a fossil gift-giver hand sanitizer toilet paper moisturizer a porn DVD and I just say it's a very jolless porn cuz most of the girls have small boobs on the back. I love a small tip Why do the show? All right, what are you gonna do? Oh my god?
Starting point is 01:32:17 As a big tit guy I can't accept this with a full heart. I'm trading it for the coke can't accept this with a full heart. I'm trading it for the Coke King. Oh! There it is. Let it go, Lewis. Let it go. Lewis. Lewis. You can use this in a hospital bathroom. Yeah, next time you have a kid.
Starting point is 01:32:38 Dan, you have everything. No, you know I want it all. Especially in the middle of the central. You have a show coming, I want it all. I'm not sure. I'm coming central. You have a show coming out of a serious act. So you have everything that I want. Well, that was just your goal. Let me just get it out of my life. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:32:54 Oh, my God. Give it up, you jerk. Just give it up. I'm going to shoot faster, bait all the time. And you shit. I have the internet. And your hands. I'm sure your hands are unsan shit. I have the internet and your hands I'm sure your hands are unsanitary. Ah This will be pretty good. Wait hold on is this gonna burn my dick though? Some of these like
Starting point is 01:33:12 That's not tea teary oil. That's all of the soothing There's the penetration I'm gonna get a burn my dick a little I'm like, I'm funny. I want it all, you can jerk off to my career Ah shit, who's nine? Who's nine? Connor is Connor Connor is nine, here you go Connor Connor, don't take my fucking weed stash, please
Starting point is 01:33:35 I can't believe I get to fucking get what I want So upset Are you really? So fucking upset I get nothing Is that it? Is that it? For the packages? For the packages?
Starting point is 01:33:45 What else is in there? Anything? Where? What else is in there? Nothing? That's it, right? What's that? That's mine.
Starting point is 01:33:53 That's yours. Nobody picked yours. I don't understand that. Where am I? How are we missing? How are we missing? Oh, you added a gift. No, it's got to be...
Starting point is 01:34:01 You're picking up a gift. No, no, he's 10, man. So you're going to do 10. You're 10. You're 10. So he just makes you, he's 10, man. So you're gonna do 10. You're 10. You're 10. So he just makes the best number? I get the best number. You know what he does?
Starting point is 01:34:09 That's true. You're right, you get the best number, but I... Yeah, okay. Yeah, he's in on it. That's all he bought a gift. Hold on, Kyle's open his gift up. It's all right. He's in.
Starting point is 01:34:18 And we can figure it out. Kyle's open his gifts. Go ahead. What is it? Can't make this up. Yeah, oh my god. Yeah, that's gonna be traded. That's horrible.
Starting point is 01:34:26 Yeah, that's fucking like out on fire. Who gave that gift? Who got that? It's a good gift. That's a good gift. You just taken it from fucking serious. I don't know, Michael. Who's all Michaels?
Starting point is 01:34:35 I don't know, Michael. What the fuck did you bring in, nerd? You probbles. You're gonna be industry. That's all the books they get from Opie and Jim. What the fuck is this? Tony Robbins. Yeah, that's fucking. That would have been able seven years ago when he was relevant I did a voice over one time and I had a B20 Robbins really. Yeah, they use my voice to Tony Robbins
Starting point is 01:34:54 Hi, I'm Tony Robbins nice to meet you guys. Hope that book teaches you how to tell a story Another book. What's this one? What? Oh Another book what's this one? What? Awe You cut what an asshole these fucking gifts stink Yeah, where you? You're not in dude. What you do mug a homeless guy on West 4th? Yeah, cuz homeless people carry around a book. They do they sell them you dumb dumb on the corner You've never seen the homeless people sell books? No, I don't know. I don't know what he was
Starting point is 01:35:22 I'm not saying as anybody's seen. Thank you. I have seen it. Into the black. Oh, that's not been. That's a good book that you can get for free. Okay, first of all, Bobby can't read. I can read. I just, I just like to see it. He got more. How many gifts did you get? This is getting fucking ridiculous.
Starting point is 01:35:37 It'd be great if it was like that. What's that? Starbox, Starbox gift. $500? Finally. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. That's it. Are we done with your fucking look? Alright, hey, good gift. Hold on, you're a lax and does he want a tray?
Starting point is 01:35:52 Yeah, do you want a tray? You want a tray? Don't even look at it. Please take Dan's fucking... I want my coffee. What? Are you taking the... So you get all the books, which you love?
Starting point is 01:36:02 Oh, I guess. They can read books really fast. So Conno, you're taking the so you get all the books which you love oh, oh, I guess Indy can read they can read books really fine. So Connor you're taking the coffee. Okay, what are you? We go the last gift who do whose gift is this by the last con us all right? Okay, I just give the sandwich to Bobby What the hang on one second wait, I want to see I Want to see what is it Connor got what is it lady god got ticket? What is it? What is it to give car to bear what is it? Come on, or got what is it? Lady God got tickets. What is it? What is it? What is it? Give card to bear burger.
Starting point is 01:36:29 Awesome. I might fucking swipe those. What do you get? You can eat the sandwich right now. How much? Awesome. Can you guys get the bear burger? How much?
Starting point is 01:36:38 How much? How much money? Give them the microphone. Two for 10. 10 each. 10 on that. That's even good to meal. That's a meal. It's a good meal. You know what? Now, hang on a microphone. Two for ten. Ten each. Ten each. Ten on that. That's even good to meal.
Starting point is 01:36:46 That's a meal. It's a good meal. You know what? Now, hang on a second. Now I get to take whatever I want. I could take the gift back that I bought you. Which would be ridiculous. Well, I like ear warmers.
Starting point is 01:36:56 And you know what? I could hide Nichols in that thing. Oh, you're hiding this. I like that. Are you a stereotype of a Jew? Uh-huh. Nichol Chaser. Jesus Christ. Dan How surprised would you be if I took those fucking p-cans?
Starting point is 01:37:12 Very if that I made a statement right now on the show and I fucking made a statement that I'm gonna fucking lose weight And I'm gonna take the fucking p-cans and I took them and that was my gift and I ate them and what's up? I'm gonna take the fucking pee cans and I took them and that was my gift and I ate them and what's up? I'm not the cigar's that's the dumbest you never gonna do absolutely right give me those fucking do me that Bronx bomber right now I want it give it to me. We're done. Don't swap in. Yeah, that's it. That's it. I want the Bronx bomber Now I need to know what's in a Bronx bomber. So it's roast beef, bacon. Yeah, melted American cheese. Uh-huh Let us tomato On a hero with a little male He's crying oh my god and two Cubans and two Cubans. Oh my god. What are the Cubans names? I'm not I'm not giving you one Cubans, but I have a really good cigar for you in my car
Starting point is 01:37:58 Why would you just give me one of the Cubans? I don't know. I don't know. I can smoke cigar I'll give you one of the Cubans I can I just say this what and Lewis really handled the swap pretty bad. He's upset. So are you gonna give him that you're not giving him that I know You should need to teach him because his career he needs to learn I'm saying he's hurting Joe's feelings. Why? Point kit you fuck. That's a great gift You don't sanitize your hands. You don't wipe your ass. You don't moisturize. You watch porn I'm just saying I really could have used the can. I'm going to ship rock. Can I can I can I say something really you didn't that one second. It's literally under $20. You can
Starting point is 01:38:33 go buy it. No, dude. And here's why. I bet the new world guys you cannot buy one of the gifts for the next year. I can't have one of these subs if I like it. Nope. You can't buy one. But Bobby. What also I don't know if you, you could listen to the playback. The second I took it from him, he goes, my mom's dead. I don't have anybody. This is Christmas, I need this.
Starting point is 01:38:55 And so he said, like a person being fucking evicted from their house by a bank. He's like, no, this is Christmas. I had a really rough two,. You can't do this. And Sunday, I'm flying home to see my living mother. Yeah. So I'm getting Louis this can as a kid. Are you really?
Starting point is 01:39:12 Oh, yeah. Wow. You fucking loser. Oh, you're a fucking idiot. No, I'm not. That's why because that's his karma for Louis. If he believes that. Hey, hey, nice thing. I can't believe it. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Starting point is 01:39:27 What's up, what's up? I'm gonna get Bobby Kelly this bag of pee cans to help him start. It's more food. There you go. And that's the spirit of the person. I'll take those, I'll sprinkle them right on this bronze bomber.
Starting point is 01:39:38 I'll use those as chips. Sock of fun, who? I need a chip crunchy texture. What I mean is. I want you take your health seriously, man. I'm dead up. I'm giving this so you can take your health seriously. So what do you want, you want it, my sub?
Starting point is 01:39:53 You know, take this, but I want you to eat it. What do you get? I'm good. Well, I'm good. All right, here's what I'm gonna say. I'm gonna give the, I'm gonna give the, I'm gonna keep this guys and I'm gonna give the Bronx bomber I'm gonna give the Bronx bomber
Starting point is 01:40:11 To Joe I'm gonna give it yeah, yeah, yeah, funnier than someone trying to be the spirit of Christmas They'd be like that anymore Who said that Joe's mouth could fit around the sub? Yeah, Joe can only talkos from Taco Bell. Lewis said that every audience member made the same obvious joke. Can you want this, Adrian? What gift did you get?
Starting point is 01:40:39 You want the bear burger? I'll take those. I'll take those. Yeah. All right, here you go. Because you can eat this now. I get bear burger. So there you go. How's that? I'll mix up a gift, though here you go because you can eat this now I get bear burger So there you go how's that mix up a gift though? It's that and the cigars now dude. Yeah, dude. No. Yes, dude. No What the fuck do I get to take am I the very last one? People here take this hand
Starting point is 01:40:57 Yeah, I'll give you I'm gonna give you a bear burger. I'm not gonna be here to use it. Yeah, it's right down the street I'll go with you. Lewis you're hurting my feeling by me and milkshake You get every dream so here. I'm going I like I guess what should I name my fish? I listen to me his name is dude Fish is already name. No, no, I don't want to fucking I want to name my own thing I did it came name when you take you got a foster fish. You didn't get a kid You can call me what you want my fish is don't listen man You call you say do all you want all gonna still be fine the freaking war what I don't know. This is a free today's five pallets every two days That's the food and people here. I'm giving them the hands in a sanitizer because his people are gross
Starting point is 01:41:32 Yeah, Joe Joe made that joke already. I don't know Listen to this is anger you some way his guess. I were gonna wrap this up right now. This has been the way to have another hour of material this has been a uh... have another hour material this is a very special episode of uh... of ykwd the christmas episode yeah what's up buddy i know i know we got this we got the uh... the uh... very special episode of the christmas what's up i think there's one last gift can we do that let's do before you do that
Starting point is 01:42:02 can we do the plugs real quick uh... what do that. Can we do the plugs real quick? What do you got? Don't show the porn on camera. Yeah, please get the point off the camera. I'm a we're on YouTube. They'll fucking throw us right off I'm a Caroline's with Damon wins and also I'll be at the comedy seller New Year's Eve and I'll be at my house for most of part after that Will still Vince at will so Vince W I L S Y L V I N C W I L S Y L V I N C E at well so Vince Instagram Twitter you to Facebook my space my space. God Lewis, what do you got me such a shitty gift? Well, I got what I wanted. I'm kidding kidding Joe. It was a joke. I like joke. Joe took the point. It wasn't a shitty gift. It wasn't a great gift. It was a thoughtful gift. I didn't take the point. I'm bringing it back to Jason Cantor because I still had out of his room.
Starting point is 01:42:55 I love how long he Adrian you just put the eating you savage. That had me. That had me. And he had to replace the pizza in the hallway. Dude, what? How old are they? What a boy. It was good. Just fucking.
Starting point is 01:43:09 Just he looked like he just came off the docks, right? Yeah. All right, listen, you better not get anything anywhere. All right, go ahead. What do you got? Guys, check me and Dave Smith were co-headlining in Toronto with the last week in a January comedy bar and the underground puff mamas, which is like a really, really cool,
Starting point is 01:43:26 so unbelievable. Junior. Friendly club. It's so fun to play. Have you had line there yet? Dude, it is, the people there are fucking amazing. It's in Toronto. Comedy Bar and then puff mamas, right?
Starting point is 01:43:38 It's two, they're fucking, the fans are insane. The fucking clubs are awesome. The comics are awesome. Toronto is one of my favorite places to do comedy. If you do, they'll have you. He'll fucking spread the work, because I told them about- Yeah, do it awesome.
Starting point is 01:43:52 So much fun. Yeah, so good. And then also I'll be with Bobby January 31st. We're gonna be at Mohegan Sun. Yeah, we're killing that. Yep, kicking some ass. Also, I'll be on Shiprock this year. If you guys wanna go to Shiprock,
Starting point is 01:44:02 we got a promo code, Skanks. And you guys can get a discount to go check out the Legion of Skanks plus limb biscuit Metal allegiance POD Non-point a lot of amazing bands guys, okay, so please check that out as well also go to Gomez comedy dot com I guess the more I'm headlining I January February March and April so far this year I
Starting point is 01:44:24 Speech why would you why would you ask your speech. Why would you? Well, I would just go because we got to go. Okay. I have a meeting. I got a meeting We got big things with left button for the network. I can't talk about it yet. You make it In love. I agree with will. Yeah, I got Dan bro. What do you got Dan? Yeah, Providence comedy connection first weekend of of January I'll be there. All right. And then I'll also be in our last week. You know that's the worst week to do comedy ever this week right after New Year's?
Starting point is 01:44:53 Nobody goes out. Okay, well that's cool. So what I want to say to the fans, go the fuck out and see Dan so to headline that club. It's a nice intimate club to check from bone. What is it called? What's the ring place? Oh, bones. It's the nice intimate club to check from bone. What is it called? What's the ring place? Oh It's the ninth and 10. I'll be there the ninth and 10 We want Dan to read Kelly's letter by the way
Starting point is 01:45:13 Boneheads boneheads. No, we're not gonna get we'll do that next time Kelly for stuka just so you guys know we talked she actually sent me a really sweet email We miss you. Well, we will read it. Did you read it all? We'll do it. I didn't, she was 90 fucking all Kelly writes. Yeah, Dan's on a dot com. Dan's on a dot com. So they go, I only can draft house.
Starting point is 01:45:32 I'm there too. What a fucking great kick. That is kind of weird though. It looks like a, the chair's in the front row. I like staples. So keep it moving. Shut up. We give you your fucking long plugs.
Starting point is 01:45:42 It's bad. Are those hair plugs? And hey, it's Joe list here. Rockin W105.9 Hey, I just added a comedy nest April 16th through the 18th and Montreal that's in Canada kids Come on out lap dances on me get it. It's a pun the kids come on out lap dances on me get it it's a pun January 8 to the 10th of the Tacoma comedy club April 16th through the 18th comedy nest Montreal and then I'm here at the comedy seller a bit all right thank you Joe oh check out my podcast Tuesdays with stories it is blown up we've passed this podcast a long time ago and Dan thank And Dan, thank you for my brewing sucks.
Starting point is 01:46:26 Yeah, check it out. Monday's with Murray, check it out on What's the Network? Stand up specials. What do you got, Johnny, besides everything? I got watch Sex, Sex and Rock and Roll coming out in July with Bobby. I'll tell you right now, we, he is on this fucking show.
Starting point is 01:46:45 He's fucking hilarious, dude. You're fucking hilarious. I'm not even joking that. I'm not even doing some fucking up your ass thing. When you guys, you're fucking great on the show. Hilarious rehab. He plays the fucking stoner bass player that sniffed too much glue at one point.
Starting point is 01:47:02 And Bobby's character, BamBam and rehab have a Maltros relationship. Let's put it this way. Yeah, we we wind up fucking they wind up giving us a lot of B plots at some point Which is fucking great so fun. Yeah, it's awesome We do ridiculous things and we run around and what's your photo page can people go to and he takes amazing photos That's interesting. I don't know how I can share this stuff from the set But what I can tell you you can follow me on Instagram Jackass dog Jackass dog follow me on Instagram Jackass dog on Twitter. I'm I am John ails
Starting point is 01:47:32 All right, I love Bobby. I love you buddy. What do you got? You can follow me on Twitter at R2D who I'll be at the Creek January 4th and also People we want to play music on stream So if you guys want to send some tracks to us and the full license We want to do that. So yeah, if you guys have any music We want to start playing some great music during the break and at the beginning switch it up If you have any if you're in a band or you do music yourself, please send it to D. Poo Yeah, just find me on Twitter. We'll talk back and forth
Starting point is 01:47:59 We'll figure out the licensing and all that and yeah, this video came out great. It's gonna be a gem scope Oh, what do you got? Just get me on Twitter. At Chris Scopo. And then I'll be with Lewis. Connor, I want- I want- Oh, that's great. Yeah, I'm gonna be on a great-
Starting point is 01:48:11 Connor, what do you got, man? I mean, you're, thank you so much for donating. He, 500 dollars to the YKWD first annual gift drive. That's a fucking amazing thing, dude. I really appreciate that. You, you made, you made a lot of
Starting point is 01:48:25 kids happy so I appreciate that man thanks for you have anything you want to plug or actually yeah in February 20 you do you do no I was just you ahead dude you got a Joe is just coming to the music hang on one second can we not do that fucking it looks like he's one of the ways in a space shuttle go back a little bit go get it on his face for credit sex I don't know if I can do that right now. Well, you try. Okay. Just just a little bit just a little better than that Well, just sit down. There you go. There you go. That's good right there. Good for you That's good right there now put them back. I can't you get me on
Starting point is 01:49:00 Look at deep was amazing. I just put it up. Right there. Plug. Go ahead, Connor. This is a really important plug. So I just want to say, Joe, is then Mark Normand are going to be doing a show at our museum in February 20th. So if you go on to a grip of comedy, Oh, I see the connection now. So not only did you fucking gig a hook up, you got yourself a gig.
Starting point is 01:49:19 Yeah, I'd rather ring her. Oh, okay. That's great. What is it? The University of Pennsylvania. That's awesome. Ivy League motherfuckers. I did. I did a show there with Tracy Morgan and Jay Moore. brother ranger okay that's great what is it the university of pennsylvania that's awesome i believe you putt i i did i did a show there with uh... tracy mogan and jay more that sounds stupid mark noran i will be the biggest podcast in the country yeah i'm a
Starting point is 01:49:34 fucking mondays with lezlie on fucking story book life and that's my favorite new podcast i i thank you so much for uh... putting that together and supporting the show and listening you guys are great. What do I got? Tomorrow if you're listening to you disorder lie Hunting that was funny Huntington low island he'll be there and then the 31st you'll be at December 31st new year's Eve Yeah, New Year's Eve how many connection in Rhode Island? Yeah, real-ass wait, you're not with me. Oh, that's right
Starting point is 01:50:04 Do you want to go with me? Wait, when is it? No, I'm not fucking do it. No, I'm already at the same place. Just go ahead, just keep reading, fucking. And the January 20th. Hey, Lewis, talk a little bit. I love them, you guys, guys.
Starting point is 01:50:17 Okay, where is it? Okay, yeah, please. January 23rd and 24th. Banana and Hazardberg Heights. Yeah, awesome. And you were supposed to be with that but I had a cancel So I got to get somebody to replace Lewis Um, maybe I'll put you on the show too. You want a host? Yeah, all right cool
Starting point is 01:50:33 All right, so uh damn what do you got? You did what you got oh one last gift. Yeah, did you lose your fucking mind? Yeah, apologize? All right, did you lose your fucking mind? Apologize. Oh shit. I do apologize. All right, there you go. Are you apologize for yelling at me? I apologize for yelling at me. But I was fake. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, Let's put your phone down your fucking show still going as the last gift of 2014 Native American boys snuck in for a second. We're almost we're bringing their green to Phyllis this room. Put your fucking phone down ready here. We go real ass coupon What's that thing I gave you 30 second simulated
Starting point is 01:51:18 BG Yeah, where is it? Give me that No pictures of the video though. I mean, we're watching. Well, no, we have to do video pictures. Dude, what are you talking about? I don't want to have to come to you next time I get some opportunity.
Starting point is 01:51:33 Just stand up and out of view. We'll get you out of view. Yeah, we'll just come back in seconds. Yeah, we'll just come back in seconds. That's fucking wood. That's yours. You gave it to us. No, I didn't fuck face.
Starting point is 01:51:41 I was somebody gave it. What do you want to do? Second real dick. I want somebody's real cock, dude. Real skinned. I will let Louis suck my dick. Will somebody gave it. What do you want to do second real dick? I want somebody's real cock dude real skin will I will let Louis suck my dick Will you really all right? All right, it has to be simulated so you can just fake it on will I need a fucking dildo we don't have Dildos any we do we have two Dildos in here both warden your fuck Where's the deal though? We got deal those we have that deal so show is the gay show on the internet can any of us leave?
Starting point is 01:52:05 Listen listen We got the old we have that show is the gay show on the internet can any of us leave Listen, where? Yeah, here go we got a nice cock There we go And you should hand sanitize it a clean it off We got to take a picture of this enough. It's up to Lewis pictures If I get an opportunity with the real industry so you know it take a picture Hey, you'll find take a picture that's not gonna 30 seconds
Starting point is 01:52:39 30 seconds Hey seconds Here you go Ready here we go There we go, so on you you dumb dumb. Oh my dear. Who's pants is this gonna be in? Dan will you do less cuz he was mad at Joe Liss. Yeah dude, I'll do it. Okay cool, here we go. Look how happy Dan is with his fucking ear muffs. If you want a video or picture of this.
Starting point is 01:53:11 We'll do video. Okay. No, I just said no video. Alright photos. Bag it. Jesus Christ, you worry about that? I'm gonna have to take Faggot off. I'm not taking Faggot down.
Starting point is 01:53:21 Why would you say that? Don't say that word. He said rice and word last week. Who said that? I don't know. The big red shirt and star. All right, you get this. Okay.
Starting point is 01:53:32 It's a limp. Let's go. Limp, limp, do your skin. All right, now if you put it right there, stay right there, nobody can see the dick, okay? So stay right there, Dan. The tinsel's covering it. We won't have to do anything. Yeah, we get a time keeper. You who's doing time? All right ready here. We go
Starting point is 01:53:49 Merry Christmas Dan our joke. Can we all sing with you, please? Stuts nothing let it play for five seconds and then start singing ready He needs water hold it up a little bit. So the. Dan, hold it up like that. Right there. Hold the stave. Get back to that other shot. Right there. Dan, move up a little bit. Move up to him a little bit.
Starting point is 01:54:10 A little more. Right? No, back, back, back. Right there. Go. Go. Perfect. One.
Starting point is 01:54:16 How is maintaining this a wretched one? Beyond the other. No. Here we go. Ready? One, two, three. Go. Oh. Yeah!
Starting point is 01:54:25 Oh! Oh! It's not singing, Joe. Oh! It's not singing, Joe. Oh! Oh! It's your song.
Starting point is 01:54:35 A Merry Little Christmas. Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Thank you so much for listening.
Starting point is 01:54:47 Thank you for listening to YKWD Podcast. Dan Soda, Will Sovins, Lewis J. Gomez, Joe List, Johnny L's, Deep Blue and Scopo. Last button, thanks for coming in. Conor, thanks for the gifts. We love all you guys. You're amazing. Keep going. 5, 10 more seconds. Keep sucking.
Starting point is 01:55:08 Keep sucking. No, it Christmas, everybody. Happy holidays. We love you from the YKWD podcast. Take care. You had done 30 seconds ago. You're home, though. You were done 30 seconds ago, you homo. Ha ha. for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 01:55:46 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

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