Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - There's Famous And There's Funny

Episode Date: November 11, 2019

Its the return of Erik Rivera, fresh off his new HBO special along with Aida Rodriguez, Dave Landau and Andy Fiori! We talk Latinos in comedy and how breaking barriers isn't about race! DUUUDE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en preno, conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la edición especial de Madrid nos liga.

Un humenaje de mao, a Madrid. You know what I'm doing? I'm just talking to the market, I'm talking to the market, the market, the market, the market, You know what I'm doing? I'm just talking to the market, the market, the market, the market, the market, the market, You know what I'm doing? I'm just talking toattamollin. Half, half. Apocalypse. Okay.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm boy. I, uh, I'm sorry, Guatemala. Half, half. Apocalypse. Well, okay. Okay. Okay.

Every time I see Apocalypse, I think you are that bad. That is bad. One of my favorite movies. And I think one of the greatest movies of all time. Okay. I'll take it. Okay. Now we have a full house tonight.

I, um, I was supposed to be two people. I've had complaints. First of all, welcome. We're back. We fixed those. YKWD is back again. And I, you know, we just started doing two people because there is so many fucking people, dude.

Because all you fucking losers like interviews. So anyways, where were you when you were shut up fucking Donahue ass old comics? We really are. I'm a victim of it too. Live from the shed patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. It's an amazing show way better than this one. Um, anyways. So we have four people on today.

Fuck you. We overbooked. All right. right, and two of them are Spanish, so I didn't wanna say no because I don't wanna have to look over my shoulder for the next month. Okay, so sometimes they get off at the train stop at 125. Okay, and then I wanna cancel whitey. Thank you.

You know how fucking trigger day gets. This is fucking bullshit, man. If I was black I could be there If you a black you yeah, I Exactly. No, he's not a white guy. He's a white guy that bitches for the black people like a white woman What anyways? I don't think black people complain. I think it's white women for black people. They're offended. Yeah This is bullshit black people deserve reparations. What? I'm good.

Shut up. Give me a metro card. We're good. Anyways, and we have Dave Lando, showing up. He's late. Fucking, you know, where is he? It was him.

Is that his two minutes away in traffic? Two minutes away, oh he's driving. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Anywho. was who? Is that his two minutes away in traffic? Two minutes away. Oh, he's driving. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Any who? I'm avert. So let's try not to talk over each other. Let's try to listen to our headphones and not pull what I call a boss. A rich boss.

Oh, yeah. Who is now a verb? Any is. Yeah. Yeah. See is a verb. Why don't you introduce the room a gabzo with Eric Rivera Old time long time Dude, I remember when you did do this in the car while we were driving gigs on your Dad dude, I started this whole fucking network. I mean this whole thing in a car. Yeah, that's true man

And even then you would yell at me during the intro. Yeah, because you talk. That big mouth can't stay shut. Is it hard to do this? I could. There for a little bit. Your smile is just fucking epic, dude. Yeah, no, we've been friends for a long fucking time, dude.

Yeah, man. Where did I meet you? You met me here. I, so I- At the time machine, I just raised that thing. I was 18, so my first comedy show, you were the guy. Then I got passed here, and I was like, hey, I want to work with you, I want to open for you.

And your first question, was it, are you fun? Do you got a car? All right, pick me up Saturday. And I was like, all right. That's pretty much what it takes. You got a car? You got a car? You got a car? You got a car and are you cute?

Yeah. And you have a penis? You're in. I was a three pre-requisite. Is that how you say it? I pre-requited. Yeah, I remember you picked me up and you used to come up one time and you bug the fuck up.

I'm sure you lived here now. We still fuck up and I'm still tired of going fuck out. I'm sure you lived here now, we still fucking, I'm still tired of going fuck yourself. You were so cocky. I mean, just out of the gate, cocky. Buddy, fucking ridiculously cocky. There he is. Oh, the white guy's late.

Who would have fun? White privilege. White privilege for the fucking privilege. Hey, I'm on a show. If you weren't on the Kumiah network, you wouldn't fucking be late, would ya? Yeah, go pee. Yeah, fucking talk shit.

Dave Landau. Dave Landau, let's introduce him when he comes back. Anywho, speaking of white privilege. Adorad Riga. This is the way to hide up. It's Ida, but you say Aida, I say Aida too. You would refuse to call me by my correct name. Because Eranger was expecting.

Mama, your name is ridiculous. It's Aida. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I love this. It's Aida. I, I, I'd rather call it Aida. But I'll fuck that up, Aida. Aida. How do you say it again?

Aida. Aida. So, there's Aida. Yeah. You know like Aida, I mean. I, I, I, I like Aida. Ida. There's Ida. Yeah. You know like Ida. I mean, I like Ida. Ida.

Ida. You're a re-namer. Ida. Either either. Ida. Ida. Ida. So you're just throwing the little spin on it.

Yeah. It's Ida. Ida. So you're throwing the little Spanish spin on it. The other way it should be said. Yeah. Ida. We're reading it like Americans like colonialists,

and we're saying Ada. Right, even if it doesn't say Ella, so I get it. She doesn't. No, she doesn't make people say her name correctly. There you go, so can we just say Ada? Sure, I'll let you say it. It would be the only person I'll let say Ada.

Okay, great. We, yeah, see, she's, see the mutual respect. You'd fight me on that for an hour and a half. It's Eric, you can't. What do you, Eric with a cake? I do with a sage. I'm something my phone say. You put her up to the desk?

So. And he was cocky, because I hated him when I first met him. He's the, but I don't like him. I'm not a cat. I don't like him when he's having a problem. I barely like River, listen, if there's this you love me. What are you talking about? It was cock second did a fucking what is that come with insurance commercial the general He did the general he was cocking on that. I was like he booked a fucking score says he film

I'm watching that shit. Yeah, I did a general commercial and I get a text from Bobby It's a video and he's watching it gun Fucking sick that my stomach You know, no, no time Middle-owned general hey, I was like fuck his smile I swear to God every time the apocalypse a movie Every time I see a pocket lip go I just pitch you as the little girl going oh Mufti a fun what have you throwing hexes on those motherfuckers.

You do, you look like. Now you do have Guatemalan in ya, right? And what else? I'm Puerto Rican. And Puerto Rican. Is this something else? No, that's it. Okay, and I thought, what are you?

Puerto Rican and Dominican. Puerto Rican and Dominican. Too fucking clashy. I didn't grow up with the Dominican side though. I grew up with my mom. Yeah, my dad got dep up with my mom. Yeah. My dad got deported. He did. Yeah. God. I'm glad when America's doing their job. Right. Make America. No kidding. Why did he get hauled out of a kitchen? I'm kidding. That's too far.

I was too far. But no, it's not. Where, where? He got deported from in Boston. No shit. That's funny because Boston's not racist, isn't it? No. It was back then. No, it's still. It's not, let me tell you something. It is not racist. Unless you're big pobbians.

Money, I mean, dude, all the racist parts of Boston, which, you know, my family calls the good parts, the good old part, no, they're gone. Me, South Boston is all rich. Charlestown used to get murdered and it was all white, I mean, I don't even know what, and I don't know if they were Irish or there was some mix, mix fucking breed of white people

lived in Charlestown that would just, they would kill everybody, they didn't give a fuck. And then, yeah, I mean, South, all those places are rich now, you can't even live there. So boss is not as racist as it used to be. So that's why I don't go home as much. Because I have no white people, I'm just trying to find the white people.

Yes, that's true. White people are gentrifying, it's the gays. Yeah. The fucking gays. And those are like the white poor people that are Irish descendants that are very like, they're very macho, they're not into like the white poor people that I Irish descendants that are very like they're very macho They're not into like the pro nons like that you see all these gay people and these vegan restaurants and they're like Fuck this shit

So poor Puerto Ricans they have Puerto Rican they never really had Mexicans in Boston. It was Puerto Ricans Yeah, Puerto Ricans and Dominicans. It's a weird thing, because Mexican was always LA. Yep. And now they're, I mean, mostly Mexicans, I would say, Mexicans are the new Italians, right? Yeah. There was a friend. Fener's coffee in Michigan.

You call it a beaners coffee? It's the name of the coffee. But listen, I know you're on the Krumiah network, but don't bring that shit here. It's important to make a point. You're in between two spaniardos. I know. Okay, my one has a sword.

Is that's how little we had Mexicans in Detroit that they thought that was an acceptable name for a coffee company. Yeah, oh yeah. I mean, it is. The actual name of the company. It's beaners. It's really racist.

Yeah, I mean, Detroit, though. You don't need to be racist in Detroit because you all got the worst white people on the planet. Yeah, but we have the worst black people too. I know. I know. The gas station at you can't go to the gas station in Detroit after a certain time. Wow. Why would you know you got to fill up at noon take the gas home and just fill up where you're at. Don't put on your house and you know how do you go to the shed and fill up the Toyota, would you? It's past, it's past 1130. The, first of all, beaners, coffee is not associated

with Mexicans, it's associated with Eric's family. No, guatamolins. No guatamolins. It's guatamolins. It's called the American. No, it's Guatamolins. It's called the American and South American. Columbia a little bit of Guatamolins,

the motherfucker of coffee beans and bananas and Banana that's the way they said oh Banana no, I'm sorry, why don't we come in here? That's the gaze That's Dave she pells jug remember Dave she pells jug Yeah guy pulled up is like boom Nana. I was like what my mom I'm good. I'm hungry. No, no, no, no, no, boom Nana. Nah, I'm all right. He just want to suck my dick. That's Boo Nana. That's gay. Nah, all right. That's talking. David's one of the people I wanted to stay on last comic standing when I was on there. I was like, thank you. There was some white guys that I would have switched out for him.

Yeah. I was like, he actually is like a solid comic. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. I met this guy working with you on that show. I really did. I met this piece of garbage. Thank you. Dave Landau, just garbage.

At the time I was garbage. At the time I was garbage. At being a scumbag, I was so. Yes. I met this garbage. Where did I, I was at Columbus, Columbus, Fanny Boni. It was at Columbia Columbus, it's a Columbia Sony bone. And he had to literally blow his car to get it started.

Uncle car. And as we're driving, he would have to blow in it too because he was drunk driving arrested. And I had a tether on. He had a tether. He was just a nightmare. This is the guy's middling and we, and we'll go for lunch.

Yeah, it takes 45 extra minutes. This is gonna fuck his car just to get us to a fucking eye hop. I remember you were yelling at me. You were on the phone with Colin Quinn and I was smoking a cigarette and blowing my car and you're like holding the wheel. Like what the fuck is wrong with you? He's like, you're like, put out your cigarettes.

And he actually, I mean, he's funny back then and then he got your shit together. That was when you got sober. I remember I talked to you. You were one of the people that helped direct me. I felt a lot of people, Dave. You have, though. I felt genuine.

I did. Like, you were one of the first people to, like, sit me down, and then you were talking about your issues, which meant a lot to me. And then you were also shoveling rice in your face and saying, I still have these issues, but I replaced it. No, I get it,

but you were being brutally honest with me and you were one of the first people who ever seemed to care. Yeah, I'm going to be one of those guys when I die. People are going to be like, wow, we did not appreciate him enough while he was here. No, he did a lot. Nothing we got it. He did. We got it. Oh, the Mexican is on fire.

You have to be patient though. Like people, as, because I thought you were so mean when I started working at the seller, and everybody was like, nah, you're gonna love him. Well, what was the thing I said? What did you say? He is. Oh, it's my first time at the seller.

My knees are buckling. I'm downstairs because I'm like, oh God. I got, I got to carry the weight of all the Puerto Rican's on my shoulder, right? So I get, he's got, I'm glad you didn't say Dominican's, because we, around no Dominican stand-ups. No. That's a fact., he's got, I'm glad you didn't say Dominican, because there are no Dominican standups. No. That's a fact.

So he's going up and he calls from upstairs. He's like, am I next? And they're like, no, I had his legs. And he was like, I had a who? And they were like, I had a Rodriguez. He was like, who the fuck is I had a Rodriguez? That sound like you. But that, yeah, no, it's me.

I had a look. I'm definitely, I'm tin foil. I can be smooth, but I'm also fucking rough if you roll me up in a ball. I'm a reader. I think you're a leader. I like it. A year later when you saw me sober, I just remember you're like,

wow, you're not as fat anymore. That was the first thing you said. Now, when I met, it's a compliment for you. Yeah, you were a fucking, you were a chubby W when I first met you. Yeah, depression beard. Yeah, I remember that at that you were at the Kansas City improv Well, I think it was the first time we met first time we met you were just a fucking drunk alcoholic drug addict Yeah, it was like 11 a.m. Your marriage is about to shit the bed

You're hanging out with some other guy that look just like you some other fat loser. I don't even know who that was exactly like you, some of the fat loser. I don't even know who that was. Exactly. Do I have a question to the drugs come after standup or you start standup while on drugs? No, it was long before. I started doing drugs when I was about 13 and then I was arrested a dozen times before I was 21

and then I was in standup but I never got arrested until I was 27 and that's when I started it's over. Yeah. But I started a young for like a whole bunch of reasons. And then I got it. Yeah, like why people have problems too? We do. I think why people have more problems.

Okay. Because we go to therapy. And Andy Fiori. And Andy Fiori. Big of the whitest person in the room. I got fined. Yeah, you are fine. You always joyous.

Thank you. Yeah, what little silly tattoo You're always joyous. Thank you. Yeah, what what little silly tattoo. Did you get this week? What what tattoo of a of a of a T kettle? It's a it's a grateful dead tattoo. Oh, did you get one? Yeah. Now you like a month old. I can't, can I be honest with you? I know you don't like him. Listen, I don't I don't think anybody should like the grateful dead. Why not anybody? They're garbage. It's a garbage band. It's a quiet taste. Don't give you that. No, it's not even it's like fucking it's like it's like eating clothes No, it's you can do it, but you'll walk it's more like Not far off. It's more like smoking clothes. I think it's like eating that's more like smoking

I fucking it's good American rock and roll. It's not American. Is it actually did you know that half the members of half the members of the grave with that of a Dutch? Don't try and out trivia dead. I swear to God. You don't know that Dutch. They're from the Netherlands. Jerry Garcia. That's name. What do you think Jerry? San Francisco Bayer. It's Gerard. It's Gerard. It's a Dutch Jerome. Yeah, whatever. He's Dutch. When he died, I actually was like, thank God, it's going to end and it didn't. No, I saw the Phil Lesion friends at Bonnaroo and it was just awful. Well, yeah, well, that's that is awful. There's certain incarnations

that are awful. I just don't get it. I mean, I guess the original band. They were good. Yeah. All right. But the fucking the grateful that I couldn't imagine and they just go on and on just jamming Fuck off, you know, just shot through the And you're two dollar you get by my and you're done AC DC fucking back in black I'm in so. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. Sing all that shit. You're staring right at me, it was a... I'm sorry. Me and I had a really bowed out of this white band, Pizz and Contents. What the... You don't like ACDs, you love white bands. You married a white girl. She lives the white band.

There's no way you didn't play Bon Jovi or dumb wedding. He had a special call, super wise. All right, let's talk about this really now. Did you really? You can't say you did. I titled it. I don't. Like, I grew up very religious home, so we didn't have,

I didn't listen to music till I was like 18, 19. I was like, yeah, so we grew up, Jova's witness, and then pent up person. You were fucking Johovah's Witness. Yeah, and you. I've known you since 15 years and I've never known that about you. Yeah, dude.

I thought you were fucking Jesus. Hello, papay. That was after we were Joho's witness for a while and then Pentecostal Christian. Really? So they didn't listen to music, didn't watch secular televisions, they called it till I was like 18.9.

That explains your outfits. What? Well, with this outfit. You dressed like9. That explains your outfits. What, what is outfit? You dressed like a fucking one of those people. What? You've never dressed Spanish. You've never dressed like a cool Puerto Rican. You always dress like a, like a, what is a cool Puerto Rican dress?

I don't know, I'm fucking some wife beaters, right? Yeah, cool. Hygiene, some cool sneakers, a necklace. Necklace. Yeah, maybe some z's on the side of your head. Yeah. A little thing. Can I avoid that scene from the right?

Yeah. You know, some raros. He's been dressing like Ryan Hamilton 15 years. Well, they do have that. Ha, ha, ha. Are you, is your family still, uh, their, uh, my mother still pent the cosplay show? Yeah.

I love your mom. Yeah. She's good. She's good. Yeah. She always asks about you, but I don't, I don't want to quote her because you get mad. Why? Why was she saying, go, go, how's the Gordo? Oh, what the fuck that mean? What's that mean? What is Gordo mean? How's Bobby? What is Gordo mean? It's, it's Bobby. It doesn't mean her. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, in her car. Oh fuck is that shit. And there's no Jesus hanging over that thing. Can't with that mirror. It should break off. There should be some dice or something hanging out. I'm gonna have to cut out bathtub. Look a fish sticker on the back of your

car. What? Don't cover your mouth. Those are my lips. Beautiful teeth. And you got your sons here. What's your son's name again? Omar Omar. That's your son. That is my son. And he's got the Dominican in him. Yeah. Yeah, he's got that dark Dominican.

He's pump a nickel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He looks older than you. I'm not being a dick. Oh, thank you. That's good to see you.

Because of the Puerto Rican. Go ahead. It's all you want. I always dream. I'm going to say this. I've always I love my wife. I love her so much. I love her more than anything. Now say something awful. I wanted to put a recon wife so bad. Yeah, I wanted to marry all I swear to God. I just wanted the food. I know I wanted the fucking the fucking attitude. The fighting. I want to fight. You know, my wife's passive aggressive. I want to be able to go. Yeah, I you know, I don't. I don't know. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not going to be, I wanna fight. I want my wife's passive aggressive. I wanna be able to go, you know, Aida. What are we doing this weekend? What are we doing?

What are we doing this weekend? No, what are we doing? I'm asking you. No, I'm asking you with the fuck are we doing this weekend? I'm asking, I asked you. You don't do shit. Can you plan something for the weekend? I'll pay for it.

I swear I'm gonna fucking tackle you. I'm gonna fucking tackle you, Bubba. I'm not cooking, so you better fuck something to do. I'll pay for it. I swear I'm gonna fucking tackle you. I'm gonna fucking tackle you, Bubba. I'm not cooking, so you better fuck something to do. I'll give a fuck you better cook. I'll get your mother over here. She'll fucking cook. That's the problem. That's why you look like that, because that bitch cooks. You made me like that, because you like it like this.

No, I like it like that. I'll be awake when it happens. Oh, shit. You're gonna be, I don't want your wake because you're yap too much. Bobby, mommy, why are you fighting? Shut up, Eric. Go back in the room. Why'd you need an Eric for the fight? What a fucking nerd. Stop putting vests on him. That is appealing.

Oh. I wish he wanted to fit in with the other classmates. Well, fuck it, Westchester. We live in Westchester. Have you married me? We be in Westchester. That was a beautiful little fight, by the way. That's where he grew up. That does look nice. I swear to God, I wanted to put it in a good place God. I wanted to do the right thing and just loved Rosie Perez. Of course. I love Rosie Perez. Man. I remember I I also white man catch on hot as he's hot as chick. I ever met in my life. I don't rehab. Puerto Rican girl blue eyes. I

Don't know what conquistador fuck somebody back in the day. Right? Some Spanish fucking blonde conquistador. I give you spices. It's really pussy. Uh, whatever. No, it's fucking cow Dracula. But man, I remember we hooked up in the woods. In the woods. We went, me and her went in the truck of walk in the woods. In the woods. We were me and her and went in the, took a walk in the woods. She was in rehab in the hospital. And he called it hooking up. She was running. And made her run.

Oh, that right now. I know Jesus Christ. And I remember we, I think in the woods, sounds bad. It was so hot, dude. It was so beautiful. I remember looking at her, we got, we got fully naked in the woods.

And we just fucking I mean May we kiss fucked You have a kiss fuck. No, it is this. Oh, that's when you fucking But she was very warm. It was beautiful. What are you on your phone? Where you gonna go somebody get off your phone? You fucking my life on there. Was there a pic that like a picnic blanket like no There's no blanket. We didn't leave. There were a picnic blanket.

What? We did at old school, like a pock-a-lip-dow-way. Yeah, I like sticks. That's you, you're like- Like your ancestors. He's like pay attention while I listen to fucking one of your sisters. I want you to look me in the eye while I tell you,

I'll fuck another Puerto Rican in New York. Puerto Rican is my favorite. I mean, literally my favorite. My favorite. Like every, I think everybody has a favorite. You know, literally my favorite. My favorite, like every, I think everybody has a favorite. You know, you have a favorite. Like I would love, I love, I don't like Blancs. Sorry, never have.

That feels like an attack. Oh, I just don't want to me to something wrong when they're eyes, they don't blink enough. I don't know. There's something up with Blancs. The fuck was that? You never know if they're real, you know what I mean? It's never real blondes.

I always see the, you know, whatever. Anyways, I got a problem with blondes. I've never been into blondes. Is it in your wife blondes? No, she's Brunette. Are you out of you all? Fine. What's she's got? I'm out of her hair blond. I think I see a blond.

What a dirty blond. I like dirty blondes. Dirty hair? Fuck it. What about a reddish blond? Hey hair. Hey, you know what, I'll tell you why. I do like red hair. 30 hey here. Fuck it. What about radish blonde? Hey hair. Hey, you know what, I'll tell you why, I do like hair hair, but they've always rejected me.

They've always given me the hi hat, and I don't like them for that. Yeah, the hi hat. Yeah, they come in hot like it's something's gonna happen and they shut me down and fuck some other guy. Some other blonde guy. I don't like a blonde. I like a brunette and my favorite.

Puerto Rican man. I think it's the prettiest woman on the planet. No, they are. I think Puerto Rican's the prettiest. You cannot get all the races into one person more than a Puerto Rican. Cubans too, I think, but it seems like black, Indian, white. two, I think, but it seems like black, Indian, white.

I mean, all of it is in that one person for some reason. I might be wrong, call me stupid, I don't know. No, you're right. I think so. Makes sense. The scientists said that in terms of all of the everything being a one person would be the closest of Puerto Rican. Oh, really? Makes sense.

Most, most, a lot of colonization took place. Yeah, man, I mean, the booty, the face, the lips, the eyes, the hair. You know what I mean? And love the attitude. And I got a, I got a, I got a pollock from Everett. I have a pollock. You know what I mean? I mean, I love my wife.

I love her so much. And I, look, I love, look, I love her. I love her. And I probably, I'd probably be arrested. I'd probably be in jail. I would be divorced if I married a Puerto Rico. Yeah, you would. So I kind of needed that yang yang, I guess,

because she's passive aggressive. But that's how white women fight. It's by not saying anything until you're just fighting with yourself. Just a fight. There's always a glass of white wine in there. Yeah, there it is. I would wear white wine in there. Yeah, there it is. I would work.

White claw these days. White claw. It is true, white women are the worst, because I remember fighting with my wife. No offense. No offense, okay. I'll give all offense, you're the worst. I remember how you're fucking up this planet.

I'll laugh. I think everybody agrees with me. White women are the cause of all unfun things. Honestly, I stand by that. Thank you very much. As a white woman, high five. No. Alright, that's not gonna happen. You mean like a group of eight at a comedy club? They aren't ever fun. They're the best. They never get triggered. No. All drinking their fun sugary ice cream drinks and ruining your show. Love groups of white women.

And it's both sides because they'll try to blame conservative white women. They voted for Trump, but liberal white women. Worse. They're the worst. They're worse than the conservative. It used to be. Because they think they're a minority. That's the problem. Yeah. And they're not. It's their Apple. No, you're the white women. Yeah, you're fucking rich white women. You're the majority of assholes.

Absolutely. 99.9% of the time. If someone's getting flopped out of a comedy club, it's a fucking white woman. Yeah, who's telling the guy that they know the lawyer of the owner of the company or whatever. It's never conservative because those ones, they love racist drugs. Oh, yeah. They love sexism. They secretly love all kinds of fucked up shit. They just go to Jesus on Sunday and play. You shouldn't listen to that album. Exactly. That's all they can talk about. Well, listen to any comic, but yeah, the second you're a triggered white woman. Oh, the show is about you, you're standing up and making a point. I'm a funny one. When I did Sharad's race wars,

I said that they try to solve racism after yoga before a coffee with their strollers, their running strollers. I was just playing. This lady sent me a four page email and she's like, I'm a white woman. I do yoga, I have a stroller, and I happen to care about people of color.

And she demanded an apology. It was four pages. Did you apologize? I've got a black friend. How funny is that? I'll apologize to me for slavery. You want slavery? You want slaves?

My great grandson. We talked about. All right, stop. All right, this is just redempt. I mean, I wish it were then too. Yeah, we're all fucking, we've all been slaves. Yeah, I was a slave. My fucking grandparents, you know what they have there?

I pay for it. You know what the shield is of my, the donlands, my people. It's somebody, a slave attached to a tree. Is your name, donland? Donland, it's a person with binded to a tree. It was my real last name. But really? Yeah. You have a fake name? No. Donland, it's a person with binded to a tree. It was my real last name.

But really? Yeah. You have a fake name? No, they walked out on my dad like the day he was born. You were fucking Irish drunk. I was with my dad because that's that bad name. Left here. That's right.

No, I don't know if it's if we own slaves and that was the shield, like you got to have one of these to be one of the donlands. But I, no but I'm kidding. I, no, but yeah, I think everybody was slaves, right? At one point, well, and I mean, the Jews, Jews were, Irish,

Long time, Italians, Italians were slaves. Irish were paid much less than, there's old signs where it's like white, this, like, dust, Irish, you not apply. It's like Irish is dead last on the, Irish was shit.

Well, there, I thought sign and said no butter. It said no Irish, no Italians, no Polter Reakins, P-O-R and no dogs. I have the picture of it on my phone. Really? I got two out of the three. Those were the signs. Yeah, that's in that look.

That's gonna hire a dog. You didn't wipe the head. That's ridiculous. Yeah, I think white women in LA. That's the service dog. Can I say something too? I know I'm better qualified than this. No social anxiety animals.

We're getting blamed for the, I think the English are the biggest pieces of shit. I think so. I mean, the most recent pieces of shit would be the UK and the Dutch. Dead. I mean, we came here to escape taxes and we fought the English, but those

were still English people. Am I right? Well, the Dutch was responsible for slavery. But when you also have the blacks built this country, so we just kill a cat. Yeah. I was at I sit on a kid in every 10 minutes. Don't ever do that again. Yeah. My ass will just open up fucking the cell-outs. Go ahead. Like, you need to what? But black has built this country based on the fact that we needed slavery to even survive.

Like, we could not have survived with a cotton industry and thrived as a country if we had paid people. That's just the reality. So black people helped this country survive. They absolutely built this country. We just took it a little too far. We, a little too far. We, a little. A little.

Yeah, we could have done without the beatings and shitty home. Why did they do that? Why couldn't they just be nice? Why couldn't you just pay? I mean, what the fuck was that? Why? It's not like they had a bunch of currency

where they came from. They could have just been nice to them. For where? Yeah, why wouldn't they just nice to them like Walmart? I think just because people like power in our garbage, like what? Back then they would people like power in our garbage, like what? Back then they would just, but what, okay. So, but we're the Nordic gene component to this.

That's pretty cold. I don't know. I think that there's something about that's it. That speaks to the people who haven't slept. But we brought that here. That wasn't invented here. America didn't invent slavery. Oh, God, right.

It was brought from other countries to here. America stopped slavery. No, America say, hold my beer. We could do better. Wait a second, perfect. No, we didn't get one pyramid out of this. That's not true. That is not true.

Yeah, we got a couple shirts. Listen, listen, listen to the looms. Listen, no, but I can't. All right, listen, I'm no, no, no, this is this is a very serious conversation. These needs to be had between us five people, highly intelligent people, about the history of this country. I'm just saying I'm asking a question in a form of a statement. so I don't get in trouble. I'm saying, I'm asking this question, but I'm saying it. Now, we didn't bring slavery here.

That was kind of from all the countries. That's the way it was. They had slaves, correct? Yes. Should I call Dante? No, there's still, you're right. Okay, so now I'll just say yes, just say correct and correct and we will move on.

I will stop when I am incorrect and we will fix it. Slavery came from other places, the Europe was what slavery was, correct? Right. The Dutch and slave of the Black. The Dutch and slave of the Blacks made it and slave of the blacks made it a business, and then we did it over here. Correct.

Correct. And then at some point, they were like, listen, we need to stop doing this, right? A. Blinken was like, look, the North, the South, slavery's wrong, we shouldn't own people. They should have the right to blah, blah, blah. The South was like, we want our slaves, go fuck yourself. And I know a lot of people agreed, it ended well for him and the and the

But the Democrats are the ones who wanted the slaves the Republicans will like look we can't do that they were flip They were okay, so they'll flip back. Yeah, we're anti-slip look We can't do this and then we had the silver war They were like look no more slavery a man to pay some proclamation. I can't believe I said it You should teach a class, dude. But I'm just, no, am I correct? Am I correct? Yeah, that's the, I think.

Ever since then, we've been evolving out of this racism that was embedded in us for centuries from the people before us, correct? It still is. Okay, no, I'm not saying that isn't. I'm just saying it still is, but we're getting, we're a further away. Can you do me a favor? Can you get the black dude away from the purses? Listen, I'm saying that we're getting, we're a further away. Can you do me a favor?

Can you get the black dude away from the purses? Listen, I'm saying that we're getting better. Right? I'm like, here we go. That's your son, I know it's your son, but listen. And I know it's your purse. I'm just looking out for you. I'll just look.

I still from here. But. He's just getting his wallet back. I'm on fire today, people. I mean, I'm earning Patreon points. There you are. No, it is fucking... Nobody ever, there's nobody who's ever been enslaved

the way black people were enslaved in America. 400 years, it was. Well, the Jews though. No, the Jews, I think. The Jews were fucking, I mean, Jesus. But Jews were persecuted. No, but back in the Roman days, I mean, yeah, they fucking, I mean, Jesus. Well, the Jews were persecuted. No, but back in the Roman days, I mean, yeah, they were,

but that was, how many years, how many years was that? Thousands. Thousands. The Jews were fucked. No, I know, they were fucked twice. We just further away from them. And then that whole, I look forward to. And they were able to recover.

Yeah, that whole Holocaust thing was a little, you know, that was actually the, that was the closest of rate. That was, I mean, that was crazy racism and that's right around the corner. And I thought it would look like you doing it to you, which is like the weirdest, like, well, the Germans were way better looking than us. Well, the Germans also had nothing,

their economy was completely gone and they just needed a leader so did what they were told to survive and then you killed all, it's terrible. Yes, it's like, it just shows, but that's human nature. I think a lot of this is human nature. You know, it's not just racism every, I mean, people hate other people for so many reasons. And now it's just boiled down to race when we talk about it.

Yeah, but you think we're, I mean, look, I don't, I am racist, but I'm not, I don't hate races. No, I think because I'm a comedian and I hang out with black Spanish. You're a bigot, you're not a racist. Yeah, I don't know, the way you said it was right. No, but I think that, because I hang out with comedians, I mean, the fucking craziest racist should have ever heard was from black, my black friends, all my Spanish friends, and it's fucking hilarious.

But the thing is that you're not liking somebody or saying something ridiculous, it's not keeping Puerto Ricans from buying a house or getting a good education. So you're just, everybody is inherently racist. America was built on racism. Like we play for this. We're so, we're so full of shit when we're saying,

oh my, when we see something, we're like, oh my god, that's so racist. It's part of the culture. It's been embedded in the culture. We've been, people of color have been taught to hate themselves and why people have been taught to be racist because it's set up that way. Yeah, but it's weird.

Like, I mean, you know, max is school. When I first got up, it was like, oh, you're in this school. I was so nervous about the school district. I was like, what the fuck? I get out of here, I fucked up. And then now he's in school and it's mostly Spanish. And we kind of fit in better

than we do with the elite school, let's just say. Where it's like, like I go over his, what's that? Class is a huge thing in this. Class, I think class to me is more disgusting than, I mean, any, I said this before, we go to the ghetto park in Max has a fun or time and makes friends easier than if we go to the rich people park

and they're kind of dicks. Yeah. But that's the truth. But that's the truth. That's the truth. Like, I think that it's all about class. It's the halves versus the half-nots. And race is just a distraction because if the Puerto

Ricans are fighting the Dominicans and the Italians are filing, then the rich people just keep getting richer. They don't care about. Oprah jumps on a plane with Tom Cruise and then he and Trump fits. They're not thinking about us. Now, they don't get a bump. It's not thinking about us. Yeah, no, they don't know. They're not and I think we're all a little bit of something else too. You know, we're not I don't

think we're everybody in here's pure. Look at these lips dude. Somebody fucked a Spanish person. Look at mine. The girls are right now. It's goes mine. Well, you don't for the same thing. We are donalons. Yeah, with donal. No, are you guys coming on each other? It's not me. Oh, what don't know? Are you guys coming on to each other? What's happening? I always always mind your business because you don't have fucking Spanish lips. You go white lady lips. What what what? What's your upper lip is not good?

But haven't you become more man? You just lose your good lips He called you Ryan Hamilton. I just say you trust like them. Do you swear? Yeah, okay. Yeah're I'm not still Pentecostal or I was. Oh, that was back then. Why did you get a switch? I wanted a birthday. I want a Christmas. I want a Halloween. No, Pops was drinking a lot when we were doing his witness and then found Jesus and Second rebirth, I guess and we went Pentecostal Religion saved him from religion religion saved him from drinking. Yeah, he stopped drinking cold and We were Pentecostal vision from that point on yeah

Wow, yeah now your kid you're not raising your kid in any religion, are you? We just started going to church. Which one? This method is church in our corner because that's where my kid goes to preschool, my little one. So you go every Sunday? Not every Sunday. Easy, easy. You say it easy like I'm the priest.

I don't give a fuck. No, because my mother's constantly calling me, gilded me, oh, I can't go to church. And she's like constantly just on me about it. And I'm like, I don't bring my kid to, I'm not raising him religious either, but I'm either. But you gotta teach them the basics.

I we fucked up because last Christmas, my mother was talking about what Christmas was. She's like, oh, it's Jesus' birthday. And he's like, who's Jesus? I was like, oh shit. I was like, you kind of gotta know that guy. It's fucking you, my mother's the flip top. Oh yeah, she's not happy.

You know, tell him who Jesus is. Yeah, but she said, oh Zeus. Yeah. He has Zeus. You gotta know that guy. Jesus is. But she said, oh Zeus. Yeah. He has a Zeus. You gotta know that guy. Yeah, you gotta kinda got no idea. That's like, you gotta know who Jordan is. Is the guy who's on the tattoo your father has on his shoulder.

You have a tattoo of a Jesus. You didn't even fucking tie. Hey friends, you fucking idiot. I know. That's what kills me. You see some guys. I thought I was Barry Gibb. He's got a fucking.

He's got a $30,000 fucking Jesus Jane. And it was like that when I went to church. I don't go to church homes. I'm fucking asshole. I don't know. I want to... I think you teach your kid. Is he religious?

No, they are... We went to church when they were little. I don't know what it is about Latin families, because we started off. We were Catholic, Pentecostal, and seven-day Adventist. Wolf. What's the seven-day? It's only for seven days and you're done. That's the one with the snakes. They're like Jews. They worship. They did medicine. Yeah, they don't, they don't. They had venus. Yeah.

A lot of them are vegetarian. They, uh, they honor the Sabbath. So Friday night, the electricity goes off. Wolf. Until Saturday night. No, they don't eat pork, they don't eat shellfish. It's very, very similar to juice. How'd you do that? It was hard. It's fishy, no. You know how I got out?

I got pregnant from a black dude. Really? Yes. That was a deliberate. Did they ask you to leave or they like that? Seriously. I was going to the door. I think it's religion racism.

There's a thing. Certainly. Well, I mean, if you look at the Spanish inquisition through Catholics and all sorts of stuff, yeah, there's quite a history of slavery. Yeah, absolutely. So what, okay, here's a deal. So what if we nobody gave a fuck about race anymore?

Nobody really gives a fuck, right? You're on a train with somebody, You're on a train with somebody, you're on a line with somebody, you're sitting next to somebody for five hours somewhere and you get stuck, you gotta give a fuck about race. I mean, really, you don't, right? As long as the person is, as soon as they start talking,

you're like, oh, this is a good person. Yes, maybe I was racist a couple of minutes ago, or blah, blah, blah, but now I'm not, you're a good person, I get it. I was scared, right? So we take it all away. What does it come down to class? Right? Just for people.

And I think like when I look at like, okay, the 90s, when I was a kid, my friends were like, you know, I'd friends who were black, Mexican, what I never saw it is anything different, but they may have. So it's like, I don't know what it was like to look at it through their eyes. Like I didn't see racism then, but like now it's been so like ingrained in us that you do. I noticed it now more as an adult because we're sort of being told how different we're all

as well as the kids. I never started either, but I never thought when I was young. Because when I was up until sixth grade, I never ever, ever saw. I didn't know what black or Puerto Rican, or Spanish or white. No, I thought my parents never, my mom actually, my family never said anything.

Never heard anything. No, and my dad grew up in Detroit in the hood, so he never... It wasn't a thing to him to have racism. He wasn't a racist guy. He grew up in that kind of a neighborhood. I didn't learn about racism until I met Keith Robinson. And he taught me the worst but he taught me-

Interracers miss. But we're the five worst asses, white women, number five and three. And two rankings. I have two. But I only saw it through Maya, so I don't know how other people saw it. That's where I look at it.

That's why if they have something to say, I can go, okay, what was it to you? And a lot of my friends then also were like, nah, I didn't really care. But now they realize the difference. Right. Is he a difference? Right. And what's weird too is like, you know, like your comedy, you have to talk about being Spanish. Right. Like I'm white. I don't have to talk about being white

at all. Because everything is white. Yeah. Thank fucking God. Especially movies, man. TV, movies, everything. That's really China, but they don't like any other ethnicities. They really don't. Yeah.

People blame that on white people, but it's a very racist country, continent, whatever. Yeah. They don't give a fuck. No. That's why when, yeah, you blame like that, and Hollywood, it's like, nah,

it's because the overseas markets are a bunch of fucking assholes. And, so funny, and after the war, when Japan just went over there and fucking lopped all their heads off, they were like, we're having, we're gonna have millions of babies. So when they come here, they'll kill a thousand,

they'll be just another thousand right after them. That was their whole thing of becoming the, you know, just multiplying the pop, the populous so that nobody could fuck with them because there's a billion of them. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, yeah. It's smart.

It's smart. I mean, they rule the yourself. Yeah. Yeah. It's smart. It's smart. I mean, they rule the fucking world financially right now. It's a few. And if you, if we have a problem with them, it's going to be a big problem. We're teetering on it. Even South Park has managed to upset them pretty badly these days. No, they just, what was the movie that they just said fuck off to?

That was when Sarah Tame and Holly Wood. Yeah. We got a plan. Yeah. Building the railroad to Africa. Yeah, they're building a They're gonna be able to just take a train to go. They're like they got a plan and the people are raised like soldiers Yes, it's pretty terrifying. Yeah, we're raised like fat babies. That's fine No, it's better than soldier. Well, it's not fine if they want to fight now. It's not a comfort wise It's nice. I said that movie wallie. I would say that movie wallie. No, it's not a comfort wise. It's nice. I said that movie wallie. I mean, see that movie wallie. Oh, yes. Just a bunch of fat people floating around on chairs.

That's what I feel like wearing it towards. I think we're just like, I mean, everything is, oh, everything is designed to just get fatter. Just to get fat and watch something. Just be addicted to sugar and let someone take over the country. Wow. Anyways, how's your album? It's good. It's good. You're special. It's called Super White. It's called Super White.

Why Super White? Because I talk about the culture difference between me and my wife, and I'm also talking about me trying to fit into this country. I'm assimilating, but also not trying to lose the culture. What do you mean assimilating? I've never seen you assimilate to anything.

Why, girl, been. That's shitty clothing. You know, like, you're just trying to fit in, because I don't know if you notice what's happening now politically. We're being... Who's we? My people. You're being projected to the top? We're gonna be projected to the top.

Well, it's the best it's ever been in your business. No, it's not. In your business? In comedy? Are you crazy? What are you talking about? You really think we have it cushy right now, Latinos? That's too TV, so long.

I don't say cushy. I don't say cushy. I'm saying that right now, you're out of your mind. What are you talking about? I think that's just the perception. That's what you're hearing. They're constantly, oh, we want to hear Latino stories. Latinos, but where are they?

They're not there. Are you you crazy? Listen first of all Jesse or Nez Yeah That's it right Nothing true or nothing Yep, or we'll see it here cardo Is that all you got let's go through who you are first you can desi are Nez George Lopez George Lopez 15 years ago and all you got? Let's go through who you are. First you can desiarnes. George Lopez. And they get George Lopez.

15 years ago. And then you got, Gabriel, you got, you got, you got Fluffy. Uh huh. All right, so we got three. We have Fluffy game. And we got, what we got? What's that?

Yeah, Cheech. We got Cheech. Yeah, Cheech. You got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, Who's that check? Who's that check? What's that check? What's that check? What's that check? Charo? Charo, you got Chow? All right.

We got five. And the lady with the fruit on her head? Yep. The carbon red. Carbon red? How about our man? He was the only one. That's count.

That's one of you. I thought you were talking to Chiquita Banana, and I was like, what? You got that lady too. That's five six. You got that? You got six, guys. You got the executive's in Hollywood.

And who, you got Rosie Perez? Yeah. What's she on? She's on everything. We got fucking what else we what else you got? I love that you're counting this. Who else? We got somebody else come on.

So far hasn't hit two hands. Oh my god, J.L.A. You fucking stupid liberal. Help me out. J.L.O. J.L.O. A.R.O. A.R.O. Every baseball every other baseball player. That's the best. J-Lo. J-Lo. A-R-D. A-R-D.

Every baseball, every other baseball player. Every baseball player. Every baseball player. Yeah. This is what happens in those boarders. Yeah. And they're like, I don't need a team. They don't need a show.

Yeah, because we're gonna be honest. Once they discovered the Dominican Republic, we were like, oh, we don't need whites to play baseball anymore. We just found out. I mean, we really don't. No, we don't at all. So good. Oh, they're amazing.

Well, no. Fuckin' amazing. Somebody's got a starting pitch and then everybody else feels like everybody else is No, we need a catcher to catch white guys catch. We really do we like to squat down on things Fuck it's we like to stop things from going over the wall. Yeah, we like to be dick high Oh, God, you looked at the world every starting picture like me, and then the rest of the roster is Eric. Yeah, back in the day. No, now, now. It's still now, yeah. That's true.

There's a white guy with a beard and a gold chain on the picture's mound, and then everybody else looks like him. Everybody has one of those thick little rope necklaces with fucking Jesus on it, right? Some gold fucking chain. They look like Omar, not Eric. They're from the Dominican Republic.

Yeah, no, we're talking about Little League. I'm talking about Little League. I don't know, Eric. So you got this show. You're back on your phone. Can you put the phone down for it? You're on television. You look good.

Oh, I didn't realize that. Yeah, there's four camera shoot here. Sorry. That's all right, don't worry about it. And now, let me ask you a question. So why is... Half, huh? Ida.

Fuck, Ida. Ida. Ida. Why are you, are you with him in the special? Are you helping him promote it? Well, she came up through, so HBO created this brand called Entranos, which is sort of like their deaf jam

for a con. English, English. Entranos. What does that mean? It means amongst us. It's like their deaf jam for Latin comics. Oh, so you're being racist? She was botlided. English, Eric English. I'm good at it. What does that mean? It means amongst us. It's like their deaf jam for Latin comics. Oh, so you're being racist.

She was spotlighted. What do you mean, be a racist? I mean, no white people in the world. We're trying to get a fair shot. I'm kidding. That's why you guys have Netflix. I'm not so benchered. Yavin Netflix.

Yeah, you had like the half hour, right? Yeah, so she did that and from there, she's springboarded. Did Netflix is, they ready, presented by Tiffany Haddish, right? That was nice. Yeah, and then I went on and did a half hour for HBO called Super White. Yeah, that's springboarded, didn't Netflix is they ready presented by Tiffany Haddish? That was good. Yeah. And then I went on and did a half alpha HBO called Super White. Yeah. I can't wait to do something. That's just Ida Rodriguez without it being the affirmative action movement.

That's what I look for. Well, that's what I was saying. My stand up is everything is. Yeah, I think it's someone presents them. Yeah. It's nice of it just you. Well, they, but they do that. Yeah. Well, it helps draw it. I think. The fucking networks and people. Yeah, it's nice of it. Just you well they but they do that. Yeah, well it helps draw it

I think the fucking networks and people yeah, they're the ones who do that We're not doing that if all is we I swear to God I believe all people want is if it's funny I'll watch it. I don't give a fuck what you slant your eyes have what tint of your skin I don't give a fuck if you jump out and you're funny and I'll if it's on there I'll watch it and I don't give a fuck. If you jump out and you're funny and I'll, if it's on there, I'll watch it and I laugh. Nobody gives a fuck. I really don't, but when you start, he, the one that's what don't cut those specials in the fucking old past out of offices and whatever they won't give those to. They won't give it to. Did I say anything? No. No. I went into a major in network to run my hour, met with them six times. They came and saw me.

And the feedback was, oh, we love her, we think she's funny, but we don't really want to hear about observational humor from her. We want to hear what happened to her. Because they want to check them out. They want to check them out. No, they're fucking names. From a point of view.

And we play it. And they don't, but I get the other thing. We really don't want to, nobody really, we don't want a white guy who's a dad and, you know, we don't, oh fuck, what, but I'm funny. But I'm not a white guy, I'm just a funny guy, you fucking cock suckers. Just put, oh.

I agree, but I'm also the other white guy. Yeah, you're the white guy. The fucking ruins it for us. That's why you here, Dave, want to get your friends out of the closet? Dave, check this out. Just come out. Oh, yeah, this stuff doing that shit, whatever. I don't know, get any dances like the Hawaiians. Sorry.

Hi. You do it. It's a minute. He grew up in comedy. So all of this stuff. I know. I can keep making sure he's laughing. Trust me.

He's my barometer for all the shit. Once he stops laughing, I'm gonna just shit close the show. Thank you. He grew up in LA then. Yeah. You grew up in LA? Yeah.

Did they think you were a Mexican? What do they think you were? Black. Black. Yeah. He looks black. All right. Don't say it like that.

Jesus black. I don't know what that is. Say it like that. Yeah, he's like that. I mean, replay it. You replay it. But what's the level of it? Was it negative? Yeah. It was more of a compliment.

He was a little negative. I saw he went like this as eyebrows went up. Yeah. Play it back right now. What do you do? Black. If you had a gun to your head and you were like, what is he? I would say Dominican.

I would say Dominican. I would say Dominican. I'd say, handsome black man. Because who's holding the gun? I would say a city 48 would say Dominican. I'd say handsome black man. Because who's holding the gun? I would say a city in 48. Is it a bomb? A white? I'm in the East Coast, so you know the Dominican is, you know,

he's not Detroit, right? Dominicans are darker than Puerto Ricans. We have white and black. That's all we had in Detroit. Dominicans wear socks too all the time. Even with slippers. So do Germans. That's where they get it from.

It's a weird people, no offense. I, I, I knew. I think, now, I think that the, I think it's, but you've been doing this Spanish, you've been on that, they always kind of throw you in that. Does that bother you? Oh, it did. Like that's anymore, you're embracing it. I, yeah, you kind of, that. Does that bother you? It did. Like, does anyone, you're embracing it.

Yeah, you kinda, that's all the shots you get. Yeah. You know, when I, I, the shot HBO is fucking good, dude. Cause like, when I started comedy here, it was like, you know, like you said, everybody's just funny. Yeah. And you go out there, you're putting that box.

It's like, oh, you, you're doing Wednesday nights, you're doing Sunday nights, you're doing Tuesday nights. It's not across the board. That's where you get it. Here though, it, it, it is. Yeah. That's why I love the seller board. Here though, it is, yeah. That's why I love the seller. It's like, if you remember,

somebody was questioning Noem on his podcast about not being diverse enough. Right. It was a woman, I forget who it was. And he said, would you rather be here at the seller because you're black or because you're funny? That's because I'm funny. He goes, well, there you go're black or because you're funny. Right. That's yours because I'm funny.

He goes, well, there you go. That's why you're here. So I didn't pick you because you're black. Right. I would never do that. If you work the cellar, you're here because you're funny. Right. That's it.

It wasn't because we needed a quota. It wasn't because, you know, whatever. We needed more women. If there's women, we'll get funny women. They do it right. It's not like you've ever seen. And chocolate sundays at the seller. I mean, look, comedy has gotten more diverse in the last fucking 10 years, let's be honest.

When I first started comedy, it was mainly white dudes. And sprinkled in with some black dudes and there was a couple of Puerto Ricans. And that was it. Black scene. Where I started was a large black scene. Yeah, like it was Philly was black and maybe a little white

Boston was all white with a little tiny bit of black. That's just where you were and where it was, but it was mostly blacks and whites and mostly dudes. And now the comedy's exploded. I mean, think about it. We went from fucking what HBO showtime, NBC, ABC, CBS, right, Fox, and that's it, to 600 fucking channels. That's what I was gonna say. And every one of them does comedy.

I have some type of comedy thing. So the world is watching, I'm not talking about my rant. I'm sorry. I'm almost obby. I am so close to this rant being over. I know, I am just ranting right now and I should shut my mouth. You're a guest. I show.

No, it's your show. It's their show. Look at the camera. It's right behind me. Not that one. Yours. Yours is right there. Say hi to them.

Hi, I'm just saying that the world is watching now. So that's why they're open. You get the fucking you're going to put everybody in everything. Yeah, but when you go to Forbes and you look at the top 10 highest paid comedians, they all are white guys. Are they really white guys? Kevin Hart is on there.

No, he's not white. The rock. The rock. He's so white. He does funny comedy. Yeah, but he's not on the list. He's not. He's not.

He's got a lot of not white side-filled gaffing. Yeah, it's not. Side-filled half on just residual side-filled alone. Right. You've had to have Mary Fater's half on just residual side photo alone. Right. You bet. That's a bad. Mary Fader is like on and always in the top like Gabriel.

The guy would look at us. Okay, let's go through it. Terry Fader, Gabriel, we bang Chris Rock Dave Chappelle. What are you talking about? It's mostly black. No. What are you talking about?

And Kevin Hart Dave Chappelle Chris Rock. That's the four. It's your vase. No Gabriel and Dave. That's the poor. It's your face. Gabriel and Galei. Go to 2019. Well, the year's not over yet. Not over yet. I mean, in fairness, there's no women still have a white man. There's no women. I mean, yeah, but women aren't funny. Well, I know. This is a funny list, David. Oh, I'm yeah, baby. What do you want? I thought it was about cooking show. She took a year off. She's a baby.

That's hurtful. Yeah, I mean come on That's it's I think she was on the list of faster than Jeff for the other two Jeff Donum is still doing that well one Two fucking two puppets man Oh, man, people do yeah, but really no women. How many Latinos do you see on their besides fluffy one? One that's it. Yeah, but who what's the other one? Is it Terry? There is no other one George Lovans should be the other one that's it yeah but what's the other one is in Terry there is no other one George Lohan is the other one that was what happened to George he's playing helium on Sunday after I had line there this no he's not yeah so I don't know how

he and which one uh Philly okay that wow really yeah I saw that but George was pretty big it was massive oh yeah I don't know whatever the fuck. But that's the business. That that is not, I mean, for women, it stinks. Terry Faker has been on that list for like, who's Terry Faker? He's a Vegas comment. Is he another puppet guy? He's the first thing though. One of anything else. He was number one, like a few years ago. Is he one America's got talent and then he got a 10 million per year Vegas deal? Yeah, why do you think Spanish? I mean, look, what Spanish comic do you think deserves to be on the list?

That's not. No, the problem is not that they deserve to be on the list. Is that they deserve to have the opportunities to make it to get on that list? Okay, but what, so what comic is there that needs that opportunity? So many of them, you don't know them there. We can name, but I want to hear their names. I like how Eric's Name one. You don't know them. We can name them. No, but I want to hear their names. I like how Eric's right there. You're not saying him.

Yeah, I know. Thanks, Adam. You think Eric's part of a set up for people white on HBO? You think Eric's honest, you think Eric should be on that list? Sure. Why not?

You think that's bad? I'm so new set. It's fucking dribble. Listen to me. It's my set just whipped into spaten. I'm kidding. I think I make a point though because everybody is putting it into different boxes because they don't know how to distribute people.

So they're like, oh, so you're Spanish, so here. And you're this and you're that. Yeah. You think he's gonna get on that list because he's on HBO Latino? He's not gonna get on this. No. I'm just saying, like, if you look at the platform, I know exactly what you're saying. The platforms aren't giving opportunities to the Latin comics.

Like, you look at Netflix, they've done three specials in the last six years. Two of them are Gabe. Yeah. Like, you don't know any other Latino. But here's the responsibility to you. What's up? As a Spanish comic. What's up?

Become as funny as Chris Rock. Okay. That, because Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Gabe, those guys superseded their people. They used their people to get in front of the world, and then the world was like holy shit. They also popped into the business. I've been saying, this is the one that he's been getting in front of the world.

Ended a different time, those two. If that was the case, then there'd be all white dudes, because there's way more white comics that are funny. No, no, what? You're, I'm sorry, Bobby. I don't mean interrupt you. Oh, but here's way more white comics that are funny. No, no, that, you're, I'm sorry, Bobby, I don't mean interrupt you. Oh, but here's what he's saying, is that when,

and this is what happened to me. I use my microphone, Mike. No, I'm sorry. Use my microphone. I want you to use the host microphone. I think that more white comics are funny, we'll never be taking that out of context. It's when you get looked at, they tell you,

oh, you're not doing the Latino thing we want Latinos to do. So they don't get to be on the chance to be on that list because they're not doing, I don't like fluffy, because fluffy goes for clapping, not for laughing. If you go for laughing, I'm not talking about being Mexican, you're just talking about observational shit.

They don't want to see you. Yeah. The person who would get you to the opportunity to do that, they're like, nah, not him. Right. So that's what we're talking about. Is this? I, you know what? I grew with Mike.

But when you look at Terry Fader, if you look at Terry Fader, America's got talent. It's going beyond any idea of minority now, though. It's just like, oh, they're can join twins. And this guy has flippers and this dude had, you know, they're trying to forget these popular people. They just kept you on. Nobody even on America's got talent. Jackie Fabulous went deliver to set. That was great, right? And then the guy with autism, that was blind saying a, yeah, she was a great child song. And you want to be like, you know, like, it's like, it's just we're not so

about nobody being next Why are we? Why don't you just get all the breaks? Why is that even a competition though? It's like this is a comedian and a man with autism sing the national anthem and you're like, But that kind of is a set up with what's your sad story? When I saw that kid, that's what I mean.

Oh, he won this. Of course. We were on last comic. That's how they were. It was just like, when did your dad die? Did that hurt? And you're like, I sent this a comedy? That's why I went, that's how they wore it. It was just like, when did your dad die? Did that hurt? And you're like, I sent this a comedy.

That's why I went, you know, I got eliminated because my grandmother had just died of cancer. My uncle was murdered in a hate crime. And I didn't want to talk about that. So when those producers are like, hey. He's living number one. I'm like, no, I don't want to talk. Let's do joke for joke.

I don't want to do. And when we got done with the jokes, I was out of there because I didn't want to do that. I'm funnier than like, but we don't get the opportunities. And when I go and I try to do jokes about science, that Shane Moss can do, they're like, hey, let's talk about this teenage pregnancy. That's what we want to hear from you.

And then they penalize you for like what, like you just said, why are you always talking about that Spanish thing. We have handcuffs like they won't let us. This guy went on last comic standing and did jokes that were written well crafted jokes. And he probably lost an opportunity to somebody who was like let me tell you about how I got shot when I was little because that's what they want from us. And we don't have people at the top to say, no, we're not doing that. Everybody's like, it's a bunch of idiots. And you think, you think Spanish, because you're a woman and you're Spanish. Yeah.

Now, who do you, I'm always there. I don't have a hero. I don't have a, there's no woman that's ever, my hero is Freddie Prince, right? That's the only Puerto Rican that I know that ever sat on that chair with Carson, that was respected and it's forever, but we don't have that. And he was a 10 Freddie Prince.

We have 10. This is like 11. He's fucking made the 10. We just don't have that. And that's what you hear the white guy saying, Uh, like 11, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight guys is like we're just all a trend instead of it being about the funny. Chris rock day should pale and had the opportunity to be on dev jam when Russell Simmons and black people said we're going to create our own thing and we're going to make our own star. Right. Right. We've never had that.

But that's what I'm saying. Isn't it up to you? Yes. Hang on. Let me finish my point. You should say no. Because you're not going to say, oh, I want to fight with you. It's not up to me though. No, not up to you. I mean, you're people. Let me not up point. You should say no, because you don't know I'm gonna say, oh, I wanna fight with you. It's not up to me though. No, not up to you. I mean, you're people. Let me not up to you.

But you guys as a people to get together with somebody who's there, because there is Spanish people. There are high level Spanish people and right now more than ever, I would say, right? With it, it's like, okay, let's lift everybody up. Let's go do this thing and let's get the funniest motherfuckers right now and put them up in front of everybody.

We're trying to do that, but we don't. We don't have showrunners. We only have two Latino showrunners. I'm afraid to interrupt you. So, fuck your friend. No, you're right. Fuck him up. Because it takes me, it shit about interrupting me at Clark's

lecture. You're not going to stab me. So they're might call Mama, but you know, I can't interrupt. Oh shit. You like that? That's the name of the podcast by the way. We can't we can't name it that. Okay, go ahead. All right. Those white people in Apple never check What is Mama Labecio mean whatever Gary what I like. Oh, by the way, we're ready prints. There's 80 pictures of a son Well, he did die. I did. Yes very young. Yeah, very young self You have the charisma of a waffle spit it out. All right. Whatever executive that isosino at the top right there

that makes the decisions, they are also wanting to only have a span X cater to a span X. Right. They're not like, here's a white guy that can really cross over without you know. Like here's something you'll never hear, because I've been in LA nine years at pitch projects.

You'll never hand in a script and they go, Hey Bobby, this is great. Could you whiten this up? Just a little bit. No, but I'll tell you what I've heard. What? You need to fucking add race. I've heard that. To I'll tell you what I've heard. What? You need to fucking add race. I've heard that.

To diversify. Listen, I've heard, I've heard we need women and it needs fucking some color. You cannot have a hyphen then. Hey, can you, your lines here, could you Spanish that up? Like, could you sp- I didn't know, it's spicing it up. It's the same fucking thing.

You can't eye as a white fucking middle aged dude. I've done nothing to anybody. I've been poor most of my life. I've hung out with fucking mostly minorities most of my life. I didn't see color until I really got into fucking high school, right? And then, you know, here I am. Okay, it's my shot. I can hand in a script. Yeah, you need to add. I gotta make what? Yeah, but you still the star. They want you to sort of sprinkle us around. No, they don't want to sprinkle the round, honey. They want why can't you be married to a black woman? Because my fucking

mother would flip out. But they don't. I mean, there's also the reverse tour. You have to whiten it up too if you're on a different kind of show. And is the people in charge of the Spanish channel for HBO? Are they actually... I have a question. Are they actually Latina? I don't think they are, right? It's white.

It's white people making these decisions, by the way. Are you gonna go with that haircut forever? You're gonna tell me. I'm just asking. I'm just asking. Is that, is that, okay, what about that? You know I'm not. Let's get back to it. I go from Mohawks to this. Between you, fuck it, too. I feel like I'm just asking. I'm just asking, is that, okay, whatever. You know I'm not. Let's get back to it.

I go from Mohawks to this. Between you, fuck it, to I feel like I'm watching. I'm gonna win tunnel right now, but I'm sexy. You see? I'm sexy. Also, there's a lot of Latinos who are executives assimilate into white culture. So they don't be, they're like,

I mean, there was an executive at CBS who's Puerto Rican and Jewish. And it's like, they're not, they're not one of us anymore. So why? Really why? Because they want to, they want to identify with upward moment. But don't you think that you guys,

they want to stop? Did you got them the job? Let's be honest. Yeah, the Jewish part. They don't want to rock the boat. They don't want to rock the boat. And plus they're like, they're also part of this other class now that they don't understand

We have so many intersections in the Latin community. It's like there There's the Puerto Ricans and the Caribbean and the South Americans and then Eric's people like you know, it's like everybody Separate ourselves does not help anything The Jaguar people you know The fucking people that, what's his name? What's his name? We don't have high level writers in Hollywood. They're all lower tier writers. Like there aren't any like highly.

Yeah, because you guys don't write that good. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Big butts, I mean, move on. Ah, no, I'm kidding. That is so, I'm kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Look, I got sweets I'm gonna get out of this. I think you're right, though, Bobby. It does come down to what we do ourselves like the individual median. I don't know. I think that it does, it may not happen. Look, people of bitch and I'm iron.

When we're fucking, what happened? Why the fuck? It's like, look, it comes down to just become funnier than those people. I mean, if you talk to Burr or anybody that I know that's great, they never really thought about race or male or feet. They just went and wrote really funny shit and performed it.

And then people started liking them. And then a white guy never thought about right. Patrice Patrice. Listen, black guy, white guy key. I mean, look at the guys that I know. We never really. He's like the two-pock of comedy, though. He became Patrice was great, a great comedian.

But when he died, is when he became a pop. Yeah, but Chris, he was, Patrice was great, a great comedian, but when he died, is when he became... Yeah, but Krista, he was always that way. He was great, though. He was always a great comedian. He rose for a different level. He said, mortalize now because... He's immortalized, you know? And that's not, he's not that he shouldn't.

Yeah, but... My point is this, is that he, you don't think, you don't think that they tried to put him in a space and he wouldn't let him. And he lost things because of it. Wait, and then what he did is he became funnier than the business. He became funnier than the people in the business. And here's the reality of a two guys. Some of us will never be that funny.

Some of you are funny. Some of us will be funny. Maybe we'll make a living, maybe buy a house, support some kids, but you're never going to be petrified. Might never be prior, might never be carlin', might never be fucking, you know, the lucky ones that just get the luck. The sum of this is luck. So we can sit here and I can blame my age. I can blame my fucking used to be fucking manager. I can blame being bald. Look dude, there was gigs I didn't get

cause I was bald. I found out it's cause of bald. I'm too fat. I'm too this, I'm too that. But look, it's stand up comedy, funny trumps, all that. If I can just... That's it, really? If you can, I'll tell you why.

I believe you. I'll tell you why. I should have been out of this business fucking 10 years ago. Agreed. Oh, wait, what? What? What?

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. That's why you built this on radio stations. Yeah, what's your special again? Super white. Super white on HBO. Regular.

That's how he pitched it to the white people. They're like, go on, we like the name. Continue. You had to fight to name his special. Did you really? Yeah, they were like, no, let's call it something else. How about stories of your life? I was like, no, no, we're going to call it Super white. How about the taco kid? Yeah, no, I just something else. How about stories of your life? I was like, no, no, we're gonna call it a super one.

How about the taco kid? Yeah, no, I just want to. How about salsa on the side? Yeah, we use blanco. Yeah, quite. How about two spicy for you? Ha, guacamole. He's extra.

Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha. How about corn bracelets? What? Donkey show. No, look look I just want to call bracelets The pyramid to funny Let's just keep doing that I know you're right. Come on either you do just have to keep trying and being funny and Petri's broke a time because Patrice though

With the problem now is people don't want to have a real conversation like we're having right now Now Patrice was willing to go to Fox News and go to these other places where he may not agree with and actually talks to people now Everybody's so afraid if you do somebody show that you're not supposed to you're gonna be outcast by people who truthfully don't give a fuck about you In a little comment who don't give a fuck about you and here's the thing the responsibility We have a stand-up is we have to have these conversations, but it has to be funny. Yes. I mean, we got to stop having these conversations in a serious way.

We got to stop being fucking pundits and fucking political satirists because we're not most of us at least some of us. Yeah. But we're not. And you can have these conversations and make them funny and make each other laugh while fucking trying to understand each other. I mean, what the fuck? Well, I think, I don't give a fuck anymore.

I don't care. I mean, this is, I got my stand up. And these hard drives that just knocked over. Are we okay? Are we good? I agree with you. I mean, I do a lot of political commentary on those, I'm on the young Turks.

I don't let that affect what I do as a standup comedian though. Like when I do my shows, I'm like, if you came here to think that I was gonna do that, then you might wanna leave, because that's not what I'm gonna do. But I agree with you. I think funny is funny, but there is no rhyme or reason anymore. It's like you can you can have

Kiss a cat on YouTube and get a TV show And so it's not even yes, you're right. Oh look look look You're telling people go be funny be funny and they're like oh those jokes were great But did you see that guy you understand though? I mean like a guy like me, right? I've had I've had very little luck in this business. That's not true. Absolutely. I just watched you in unsane directed by Steven Soderbergh. You have had a good career.

I know I'm not saying I don't have a good career. I didn't say that. I've had very little luck. Because you were having a talent. As far as putting a video out and hitting 10 billion people and maybe touring the fucking country. I mean, imagine, and you're a good actor. And I mean that.

But I think you're actually really are. I like your hair. I like your hair. I like it. So what I'm saying, oh, fucking women. I don't really care. You said it.

I know, but you gotta gay that. You demonized the white woman so much. I had to protect her. I was fine. I'm a Jew. I so much. I had this effect in her arm. I was fine. I'm a Jew. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Um, no, but what was they say? Yeah, a little luck. A little luck didn't help. So if you have luck, if I had that luck, I have none of that luck. I've had all the stuff I've gotten is from people. I know. Me too.

All the stuff I've got is from, hey, you wanna do this? Yeah, and then being able to pull it off. But let me tell you something. So if I had any of that luck, I wouldn't, I'd be like, oh my God. If I could put one little video up and just do a rant, I'd be like, wow, this would be fucking me, but you don't have that, so I have to rely,

let me just, I have to rely on being funny. So I have to become, I just I have to rely on being funny. So I have to become I can't just be the same guy I was last year the year before every fucking couple years. I have crazy shit happen to my career where I have to start from scratch You know and and keep going and hope someday I'll get something that will put you over enough so that you can die and not worry about your kids having to wipe your ass. And I feel the same way. So listen, you're gonna have to do that as far as where she's at now. She's got to hit some more shit on your wiping bum. Good. And I'll tell you that's why I'm telling you as a woman, when I did last comic standing, I didn't do Puerto Rican comedy.

I did jokes about my life as a mom. Yeah. I hit. I was in the top 10 of last comic standings. I did a special on showtime, a special on HBO, and I have a special on Netflix. I have a video that had 20 million plus views, and I still can't get a weekend at an A Club. Okay, let me ask the question. Could you fill the weekend at the A Club?

Yeah, I mean, I don't know, because they don't give them to me. But when I was at, I was at the comedy loft a couple of weekends ago, they took a chance on me. I hit my bonuses, I sold out my shows, but I don't get the opportunity to do that. Let me tell you, I don't either. And you know what I did?

Because I went in that place, I wanted to work, Cleveland or wherever it was. I just found a room, I found a couple of the comedians, and we did a show, and I made my money. Because you know why? Wait a minute, you know why? I'm funny. You, as a company, can't stop that.

Because I just need a fucking microphone and some people to show the fuck up. There's no- There's no- There's no place that wants to sell drinks. There's no where that I can- But I'm not telling you that I don't do that. I have to do that.

I've been fucked in my own- I've been fucked in my own- What's in A room? That's you made it in A room. It's where they- They're not a fucking A room. It's actually the A room is the fucking C room because you get in checks dropped.

Right. You have to do more shows, get less money. You know, I could do, I did- You're getting 90s sitcom stars Here's a deal. I went and you're not on the wall. I've been there for fuck I've been Murdering for them for years and I'm not on the wall that guy would never worked here And they're they got a fucking shrine, but they don't care about comment. I'm about here's a deal But here's a deal. No, they do so So they, Dude, I just did a club.

Some do. Or what I'm saying. 500 cedar. And they were like, Oh, then I before sold out, we just had some kids playing Minecraft up on the screen. But I'm not crying about it. What?

Dude, they say that at every club. They're like, yeah, but I mean more. I'm not crying about it. What I'm not what I'm telling you is, I don't get the opportunities. I have to create them myself. Yes, and that's what I should be.

But listen, what I'm saying is for every white guy that doesn't get a shot, there are 20 that do. When I fail, they're like, oh God, you see what the Latin women are doing? That we can't do it, nobody comes to see them. It's, I don't have the opportunities to fail that other people have. I had to realize that not everybody likes me all everywhere.

I don't have a fan base all over this country, okay? And I had to find out where it was. I had to do the due diligence. I still am finding out where it is. I also had to find, even creeps for kids, okay? Nobody wanted to fuck with this. Right. Nobody wants to fuck with it.

Nobody wanted to fuck with it. Nobody wanted to fuck with it. I did it. I was like, fucking, I'm sitting there going, I have nothing. I'm doing these rooms. I hate them. I mean, it means to wash, used to call each other.

On the way home on that fucking Sunday night or that Saturday after the second show, and you're like, you know, the whole, this woman in the front row wouldn't shut the fuck, and they dropped the chair, and I'm fucking, and know, this woman in the front row wouldn't shut the fuck and they dropped the chair and I'm fucking and all the, just miserable. We gotta do theaters.

I'm like, dude, and then it's like, I'm sitting there going, okay, I'm either gonna do this. And I was like, I had to go create something. That's what I do. I just went and fucking created something, came up with the thing, talked to it, like Ron Bennington and then this one and then that one, and then is this. And then, you know what, eight months in after it was a hit here,

it was a fucking rejected to my face again. And it was like, fuck, and I got hurt. I was like, what the fuck? I put it down for a second, I picked it back up. My agent called me, hey, what's that thing? You wanna do a tour thing, a show, one night? I got one theater. This, let's do this.

If it works, I can get more. Bang, sold out, worked, awesome, 14 theaters. And now we're into 2020. It's fucking every show we do is fuck. Here's the thing. We're having fun. Yeah. It's a fun, we're having fun, which comics should have.

We're showing up having a blast before, during, after. At the end of the show, we all go on stage together and it doesn't matter. Hey, can I, yeah, who cares? We're comics. Let's have fun. Let's do this. Right.

You know, so, I think that was never given to me. That would have never been given to me. I would still be doing whatever shit club or wherever the fuck I would be because I have to. And I was like, fuck it, I'll just choose not to and do create something and then let the funny carry me onto something else and there it is. wherever the fuck I would be because I have to. And I was like, fuck it, I'll just choose not to and do is create something and then let the funny carry me onto something else.

And there it is. I do, I high five, but I think so. That's what we do, that's what I've been doing. I don't sit around and wait on the clips to call me. I go on, the April, Maysy, we go and create our own opportunities because I can't afford to do that. But I'll write five scripts and then I'll send them in and they're like, hey, do you think that what white girl can play this role?

Or you think, so how do we crack that is what I'm saying? How do you, you don't, you keep writing five more scripts. And then at one time you crack it is when you're done. You have to. It's when you do it. No, I'm not stopping you. The only script I ever got another one was hit, and I made the movie myself. And then the only people that was ever interested in hiring me to write was do it. I mean, no, I'm not stuck here. The only script I ever got in a opera was hit. And I made the movie myself.

And then the only people who was ever interested in hiring me to write was Keen and every Wayne's when they wanted to bring back a living color. I mean, I'm a Reverend. I don't do what a lot of these people want. And then I've had to deal with that my whole career. Yeah. I just have to be who I am.

And I have to figure out what to tell. Even when I, for this is not happening, the first thing I got was, well, you're white. So what are we gonna do? So I have to throw out there like, well, this is my story, the first thing I got was, well, you're white, so what are we gonna do? So I have to throw out there like, well, this is my story, this is something I want to tell them. It's like, I don't give a shit

about the 20 other white guys who get all the opportunities I missed, I have to put, I have a family, I don't push it. Like, this is an individual business. So I have a quality product that I have to put out there if I don't fight for it, I'm never gonna get it. It's an individual business, but we have to help each other. Absolutely. And it's not about, you know, this,

when you start, well, we're gonna just help all the Spanish people. We're gonna just help women. It's like, no, that's why Louie gets all this shit because he apparently fucking asked to whip his dick out. And some said, yes, some said, no, now he's fucking castrated out of the business. And then he wrote a fucking weird joke

about a fucking shooting. I get it, right? But if any, but if I've Standard Joe, it was a standard joke. Of course it was fucking. What I'm saying is if you look at what he did is he took New York stand-ups Young old women black white didn't give fuck good actor bad actor never acted and put him in shit Just come on. You're not gonna get paid a lot, but you're in this fucking epic episode of something

that's fucking has meaning and it's real. That's what we should be doing. And we don't, it's always, let's just help our friends. Let's, of course they turned on them, but you can't have that, because somebody else wanted his spot. It's actually, and what does that say about other comics?

I mean, that's the frightening thing is how quickly people are willing to turn on you. Yeah. I mean, he did a lot for a lot of New York comics. Look at the number of people. A lot of New York women comics, too. Let me tell you how many think people. I mean, he didn't like Spanish women,

but the thing at number. No, I wasn't as bad. You know how many think pieces they wrote about me because I wouldn't shit on him? Like, and I met him and every time I met him, he was cool with me. But I got by white women who wrote Jezebel Slate. They wrote all these articles demonizing me

because I would not stop working at the seller when he was here and because I wouldn't shit on him. Right? And I was like, they were like, what, what, you want him to come back? I'm like, it doesn't matter what I want. If he's gonna come back, he's gonna come back. At least he can go talk to the motherfuckers

who idolize them and say, eh, it's not good to pull out your dicks on people without their permission. They're not gonna listen to me. That's the guy that needs to tell them that. One and two, y'all act like I have the power to keep Louis K K from coming back. Why would you ask me that shit?

Why would you do it? Who the fuck are you? And to keep, what are you, Gestapo? That was it, though. And they put... Who the fuck, what group of people says that you want them back at what? The world? Look up my name and we see K.

A guy murders a family, he gets parole. Right. Well, and he's never, and you've had no interaction with him other than Pleasantry's, so why would you take it upon yourself to care about destroying somebody else's life? Why would you hurt your career? Right, it makes no sense. Yeah, no, no. But I'm not surprised because they want to find you, you're my nor, I don't want to go off

in the cellar so they can put this thing in. I know, but we're going off in this Louis tangent and it gets really dark and fucking, I've, we've talked about a million times. What do you have, Andy? I have the comedy seller, Fab Blackpussy, Captain Maronite. Right, okay, 17. One of the good old white guys,

just the level things off, just to make everything, I mean, look, I just, and it all comes down to some of us, everybody wants to, and you're even me, like, I'll film something and then someone will see it. And then I'm worried about the outcome before I'm worried about doing the fucking work.

You know what I'm saying? It's like just fucking do what you wanna do creatively and don't worry about the outcome. That's why he's talking about these applaud comics. It's famous in this funny. There's people who like laughs and there's people who like fucking claps. I mean, what are you? And there's no right or wrong. I don't give a fuck. You want to be famous, go be famous. This is the thing. I think I'm not going to be that person, but I know a lot of people who will step on a baby's head and smush it in front

of the mother to get that fucking ring. And I think a lot of comics don't have that in them. And I think that's a good thing. Like, I don't want to crush somebody else to go ahead of them. I just want to do what I do and succeed in that in that fashion. Yeah, I think so. And we got the internet now. We've given so much power to television and we've become slaves to wanting them to to validate us. You can go on the internet, Louis, prove that and you can win yourself your own audience and create your own because we're so caught up with that little spot that they keep trying to make us believe exists that we don't

there's only one spot at the top and we just throw each other under the bus. There's so many opportunities you can create. Yeah, speaking of it. And I'm not a victim in any way. So when I say what I'm saying is because I'm spitting my reality, but I work really hard, and I don't want to be the Puerto Rican person. I want to be a comedian that happens to be Puerto Rican that has things to say about everything.

Right. I'm not going to deny that I'm Puerto Rican because I'm proud of that. But that's not everything that I am. And I think that sometimes we just get caught up. And I don't play that game. Well, and they kind of push you into thinking that you have to play these sort of identity politics. And they kind of end up, the gatekeepers want to keep their jobs. It's a hard choice.

They love feeling important when they give you the opportunity to be on a TV show or to have a special. And they're like, we want this and you're like, fuck. Okay, all right, fuck it. Yeah, let's do it because you feel like if you could just get in, if you could just get in the door and show how awesome and talented you are, and it'll become a success

that you'll be able to make your own decisions after that. And you know what? And I'm victim of it too. I'm victim of just whatever they want. You know, I've been in situations where I should've just said, no, fuck you. I'd rather not get it. I should've done it with this podcast.

I wish it did. This is the biggest thing I've done in two years. You're the son behind me me fucking with a camera. I feel like there's a gun inside of it. Where you going? No, right to the left, buddy. No, bathroom, right? Inside to the left, yeah.

Can we go one, two? In the bathroom? Oh, just make sure it doesn't seem to be. I don't like any. I shop owner. Wait, where you at? The hand saw. Yeah, where you at?

I think I listed everything this and that. We got, I'll talk about it. I'll talk about it. I'll talk about it. Andrew Farrie. If you know it's pronounced. Farrie. Farrie.

You're going to be at the comedy cell. A fat black puts you at eight o'clock, and you're also at the village underground, right? But what show do you want to promote? Oh, yeah. Tomorrow night, I'm headlining downstairs at the fat black anybody watching live Please and go to his website. What's the website Andy Fury doc. Oh, all right man. Very funny guy I used to work with Nick the Apollo. Yeah, that was always how you feeling after that much better Yeah, I used to love Nick. My favorite part of the show. He's he's not going. Yeah, what the fuck's wrong with these people

And he'd be like well, I don't I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to me. What the fuck? It's my show, you fuck. Just push the buttons. I would laugh my fucking ass off. He would, he would fucking, then he'd be like, so what do you think of this? And he'd be like, I can't, I talk. Yeah, go ahead, talk now. I asked you to, you fucking idiot. Oh, it's Nick the Paulo makes me laugh. Yeah, that's a Fenure movie. I mean Sean Donnelly's podcast. I love that. We're gonna be talking to you. Yeah, right cast is making some big mother fucking moves. I wanted to do that. We got that before. Yeah, that's my big move. Fuck no, I'm taking the news. Yeah, we're not don't worry. Nobody wants to come to Compot.

Yeah, we're not, don't worry, nobody wants to come to Composs. We got, you know, I mean, look, the Syndicate, laugh button, 800 pound gorilla, they're, my partners in Ryah cast now and I couldn't be happier. We have a big show tonight, laugh button live. First record, now we're doing albums. We did Mike Feney is one of the first debut albums off of the label, Left Button Live, which is great. And I got a few other people that were thinking about doing albums with, we got other podcasts

that were thinking about bringing on to the network. We got a lot of stuff going on with this network. So I'm very excited about these guys. What do you have, Ada? So I have a show Friday at the stand for the New York Comedy Festival at 830. What's it called? It's called Disruptive. Oh, I like that. What's it about? It's my standard. Oh, okay, cool. I like that. And then I'm doing a show with Erica, 8 o'clock at the New York comedy club. Yeah. Night. No, Friday night. Friday night. Oh, okay. New York comedy festival.

Oh, that's great. Yeah. What's that one called? Entranos. That's why I'm wearing it. What's that mean? What's that mean? What's that mean?

What's that mean? Oh, shit. Yeah. But I'm on Netflix right now, so check out my comedy special. I'm not pandering. So you're... No, you're all good. What's it called? Well, you know, it's all under Tiffany's banner.

Okay, cool. A minus the third up. I'm glad she she actually Went out and said let's do this. Yeah, but when she got her fucking spot what now she's gonna she's gonna keep doing it I like her it's all about helping other people good for her because she's another one who is I mean was supposed to be famous fucking probably 15 years ago. I remember her. I remember being in LA, her being at the the the laugh factory and she was supposed to and she wasn't and it just never happened. And you're like, fuck, oh, this business is ruthless. But she never quit, never gave up and then finally got an up. That's why it bugs me as soon as she made it, people trying to rip her down.

It's like, yeah, stop it. And she's so so humble it seems like she still lives in like a small house She's talking about and just like because she's grateful and you don't see a lot of people with gratitude and she helps out other people Yeah, which is great. And that shows that's I mean, she helps out other women of minorities. Maybe she get out of a chubby white White guy hi to fingers for hi White guy. Hi, Tiff. Fingers crossed. Hi, Tiff. What is up, man?

I'm obviously headspot. Oh, it's my name. I'm a comedian. It's funny. It's not just, if she started with us because she felt like we are. No, but I'm letting you know that. That's these are the conversations that we have because she and I are real friends. No, I like her a lot.

I want to help other comedians like. Yeah, that's the way we should be. Tiffany had a chance to punch you white guys. It's just me, you and Andy. He ready. Yeah, just fucking in sunlight, blotchy skin. Just rosy cheeks. Hey, Adam. All right, cool crowd sort of lukewarm. I remember when we did the comedy knockout. Yes, you have my back. Yeah, well, we did with Fred, me, her and Vos. And it was just Ruth. Vos got fucking eliminated immediately. Just so funny.

He had a sit in the stands with all these fuckers. It was just this old Jewish guy in the stands with all these young millennials. And it just looked, but here's my trick. Ready? There was, it was at the end. It's about loudness, you know what I mean? And we were just having a good time being funny. And I remember there was, I think there was two very loud chubby gay guys that loved me.

Oh yeah. And I was just like, listen boys, you're gonna take this home for me. And I remember when they were like, they're like, what about, hey, that, whoa! And what about Robin remember when they were like, they're like, what about, hey, and what about Robin? I just looked right, I'm like, whoa, go, go, go.

I just sounded louder. So God bless you, boys. I owe you a blow job. Speaking of blow jobs, what do you got? You fucking beautiful dove. This weekend, the seventh of the ninth, you can see me at Helium in Philadelphia. I'm going to be working on my new album.

We'll be recording it. What does he call it? Album. Album. We're not. We got to sound cool when I say what I say CD. It's a thing anyway. Just say you're fucking new hour.

My new hour. Yeah. Well, we're recording it. We're audio. Yeah. I'm recording my new hour. I'm recording my hour. I'm recording my hour. On audio this audio. Yeah, recording my hour. I'm recording my hour. I'm recording my hour on audio this weekend.

Yeah, who's putting it out? That is healing records. Ooh, yes. And then, yes. And then if I can see behind you, the 29th and 30th, I'll be at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase. And then could you click to December? Oh, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, I push my my God at a limit. I'm sorry, but yes, you can see me on Uncle Vinnie's and then the M. Jim Grandin Las Vegas, these 16 through the 22nd come out to that. Hi, well go to your website, what's the website? DaveLand.com. And check him out on the Kumi and network with Anthony Kumi on pomeania.com.

I mean, you two together are fucking hilarious. Yeah, I'm so happy I have that job. It's so much fun. Such a treat. It's a, I mean, I'm so happy. I have that job. It's so much fun It's a tree. I mean I've been on the show with you guys. I love when you come on. It's fucking hilarious Really is one of the funniest guys and then I'm so glad when he got you I was like get the fuck I was so happy you and I we used to talk about it because you were in an old time and I was like God, I just wish I could do that show one day and now you're fucking Yeah, you're really fucking popped and I was like, God, I just wish I could do that show one day. And now you're fucking. I clicked.

Yeah, you're literally fucking popped and you're on. Yeah, it's cool. It's a cool, he gave me a big opportunity and he's a really good guy and I wasn't really happy to be on that show. Oh, good. I love Anthony. I'm glad you got that opportunity.

All right, check him out. And of course, my little bumbalah. Was my little spenito. My little bumble bee. Bumble bee. My taquila, my baby scorpion, my little bambino, my red balloon, and I'm turning it down. Oh, my taco, my baby taco, my taco, I keep my, I keep. Oh. Eric Ravada. What do you got here?

Fuck it. Guadamal and just watch this special. Super white on HBO. Congratulations by the now. You're on the man. Bobby was supposed to post it, but. What was I supposed to do? I said to the flyer, I was like, can you post?

And you're like, yeah, I got you. Dude, you got a center of mic. He said, I got you. Dude, I don't do any shit. Mike is a man, all right. And plus I've been a little overwhelmed the last couple of weeks with the tour starting. Right.

That I'm doing all this, I'm doing behind the scenes video. I'm trying to edit it. I'm trying to get people, me and the tour manager, Deb, which I mean, there's so much shit going on with just that. Right. So I'm sorry, but we will post it. Okay. All right, we'll get it all.

It's good to me. HBO, yes. Yeah, text it. Please watch and then yeah, follow me. Eric Rivera, ERIK, believe it. One of my, one of my oldest young friends. Yeah. We're still friends.

And we still are. Yeah. How's your boys? They're good. Seven and three now. How's the wife? She's good. Working at Netflix.

Does nothing for my career. How's the, how's the guy dying the hair going? What do we talk about this natural? Mother fuck. It's natural. Dude, yo. How old are you? Ageless.

Oh, shit. I'm all gonna talk into it from the higher up. A CLL ad a bit. You got it, mama. A CLL ad a. What do you got? What'd you say? She said and fuck you.. What do you got? What'd you say? She said in fuck you.

What's her name again? Aida. Oh, Aida. Aida. I say Aida. What are you? Aida. Aida.

Aida. And what else you get to promote? I think I'll watch you work very much. Ericoverer.com. And then yeah, I'm doing the showcase for anybody to listen to live at the New York comedy club Friday night, eight o'clock. Mike's name keeps coming up. We should get Mike on the show.

Get him on. Get him on. Get him on. Yeah. You want to do a spot? Yeah. I wouldn't like that. Wait a minute.

Are you Spanish? Yeah. Oh, Mexican. Yeah. I'm brown enough. Don't explain yourself to Bobby. I thought the people think he's Mexican sometimes. Uh, okay. I'm Mexican. I'm Mexican. I saw people that he's Mexican sometimes. Okay. I'm Mexican.

Yeah. Land down. What is it? What part of Mexico? What a hot. He grew up. Yeah. Yeah. You have a pocket of, of he brought.

I saw your parents Gabby. They came out Friday night. They came to the show. They said they were so funny. I, I, I really was. Hi. Oh, the show is great at Redback and you parents are fucking awesome. We all went over and saw him after the show, me and Fawson. It's like we were showing

our respects to Dunkle-Leon, but we went over and hung out. I had to go because I couldn't hang. I mean, they always went to hang. So late too. Yeah, I could. I had to leave so early. I'm like, how long were they there? Till two. Okay, that's fine. Yeah. Yeah, they had to leave so early on like, how long were they there? Till two, okay, that's fine. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we had to leave. I had to take off because it's an hour and 40 minutes home for me. Right. And then I got to wake up the next day.

I got to do another show and I got to hang out with Max. If I hung out with your parents that would have went home to like, fucking six in the morning. A hundred percent. So, but I told them I do want to one day hang out with them and go back to the house and hang out and Because you know your dad is awesome your mom's the best the fucking Parents recycle paths. I love them. Yeah, great

5 a.m. Every night. Yeah, I know it's fucking awesome. Yeah, what do you got to promote you could follow me on that fucking shitty quilted jack? Doesn't don't I look like a horse girl in this? Yeah, and you know what I mean? Yeah, I love it. I just got it. I looked in the Don't I look like a horse girl in this? Yeah. And you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. It's scary. I just got it. I looked in the mirror.

I was like, uh, uh, that's you go of the winner of some type of horse race. Yeah. I've like, I had no joke for that. I couldn't put it together. I just said it. I had no, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what. Oh, the triple crown. Yeah, it was a crown. The name of race though.

It's a little month, baby. Yeah, you do look like the winner of the Kentucky Derby. Sure. I would have been a better joke, right? It would have been. You can follow me on Instagram. At Gabby is Brian. I have a monthly show in Brooklyn, Jiggy with it.

First Wednesday of every month. I have a new monthly show called Happy Baby Comedy at the Barri Electric. First one's Black Friday at Happy Baby Comedy. And then I have a show at the Barry Electric, first ones Black Friday, at Happy Baby Comedy. And then I have a show at the stand, hopefully reoccurring show called Our Time of the Week, first one December, third, come to that 7 p.m. And then I'm in Vermont, November.

Vermont comedy club? Oh great. November 27th, but I'll be there all week. Oh, you'll love that club. Yeah, 24th. Yeah, bring that jacket. I love it. You know, if they didn't have the stables.

And she also wanted to get a pony. She also has a new code store in Brooklyn called the shittiest jacket. Come on down and grab yourself a fucking nice, long time vest and a quilted horse shit, Joe. Anyways, Chrissy, what a high buddy. Hey, we're going to change the t-shirt a little bit. Oh, yeah, sure, we can do that.

Yeah, a little bit. We got the new shirts up there. Yeah, we got a couple. We got not you. Right back. What's that? We got a pee. I'll go pee, buddy.

Yeah, you don't have to whisper. Just go do it, you're fucking weird, I was. Yeah, remember to be happy.com. Yes. Bye, Bobby's merch. All designs by this motherfucker, but also very funny. Where are you gonna be? I'm around the city you caught me off guard that I don't know my dates off the top. All right, what's your website?

Not that cheney.com see H.E.N.E.Y. Yeah, go check out his stuff, man He's very talented kid. He's very funny, so you're gonna shit on my jacket and then Chris is wearing a t shirt over a sweatshirt And then you say nothing. Yeah, his, but we know he's atrocious. Okay, literally, I feel like he got that in a dumpster and fucking Somalia. Somalia, really? Yeah, that's where he got that. He got that off of a drug lord in 1985.

You haggled it off of him? Yeah, I hate that coat. I do. I like this. Michael, what do you have? You can follow me it off of them. I hate that coat. I do. I like this. Michael, what do you have? You can follow me on Instagram and ask me. Wait! Becky, what do you have?

Oh my God. We're in the Buddha dude, hoodies. So if you want to get one, remember to be a- Let's see that. Turn around. Oh, I want one of those. You want one? Yeah.

Everybody loves the Buddha dude. I love a zip up hoodie. Buddha is definitely the most popular, but there's a couple other ones too. Yeah, we have the We Are the Dudes dudes and we have the actual YKWD. I have the YKWD, which I love the logo, which is awesome. And the hoodie is the shit. And there's a sale, right?

Oh, yeah, everything's 20% off. I think two more weeks. So yeah, for Christmas, everything is 20% off for Christmas sale. Go to remember to be happy.com. Get yourself a boot of dude shirt, hoodie. Get yourself a, what are you doing? You can check it out. What the fuck's going on?

What is the direct link in my shirt? Where is what I was just looking at? That I was reading off of. Thank you, Michael. I, YKWD, we are the dudes. We get the Advoc, Advoc, Advoc. We also have the not you with the not you one Your mother why is that not working?

Your mom's stupid. She is stupid I'm not your mom's in love with lady. So I always go there Also direct link if you go to the ykw dude Instagram or mine at human places. Yeah, we can get it there We get a clips page. So what's a clip page, Mike? Why could a B.D. clips? All our clips are gonna be posted on there so people can differentiate them from the actual episodes.

Yeah, man, just clips to the show, funniest parts, you can go there. We'll sit again. Why could a B.Y.K.W.D. clips? Go there right now, check out the clips, YouTube page, subscribe. If you're watching this on YouTube, hit the subscribe button over here.

Leave a comment and like it, thumbs up. You four people do the thumbs down every week. I hope your house catches on fire and I hope your animals that you love are in it. No, I take that back because I don't want the animals to get hurt. I hope you're in it. We're in here.

Hey, agree. Leave a comment. Don't be the shut up. I take that back too. I don't want them to get hurt. I just want your house to be burned. And I just want you to be cold. Go ahead, Mike. Okay. Follow me at at Mike Vs. Forrest. I'll be at the stand on November 8th.

For the live history, I mean, as um, and then the grammar scene on Saturday, working with Paul Verzi at the LaFellout Loud in San Antonio next month, second weekend, and I'll be with the Stefano at the end of this month at the Gotham Theater. I got them comedy club. Awesome. Follow Bobby at Trabzon Kelly Live on Instagram.

Follow the show at YKWDude. And also our website YKWDude.com. That's all the links, all the, it's live, It's gorgeous. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean, you gotta go to it. YKWD.com, right? YKWD.

YKWD. Like I said, YKWD.com. Everything's up there. Everything's fine. And I found who I set you the thing who made this original. Yes. And uh. Like, we're looking that up.

How about you do the thing? We are Patreon. Yeah, here we go. Ready? Robert Kelly. I do. I want to thank all of you guys right now. I are Patreon. Yeah, here we go. Ready? Robert Kelly. I do. I want to thank all of you guys right now. I want to take ball soup, Brian Billings, seed dumps, Dominic, Nukovsky, Doug Hill, Eric Heather, Josephine, kind of wake, but in a comfortable way, green.

What the fuck? Kelly, Schmeth, G-Meth, Lawrence Kitter, Mark Gessner, hey Mark, Matt Wayne from Long Island, Long Smith, Michael, Bangalegal, what does that say? Bumpiglio. Bumpiglio, how about a Yvonne? What's the next one? No. No, who I like that name. Nicole Foucher, Scott Alford.

I wanna thank you guys for becoming members of the Patreon. Honestly got love you for it. I hope you love in the episodes. Bill Burr episode, life in the shed was amazing. Gary Gummum won his fucking awesome. It's up there now. It's for Patreon members only Patreon.com. That's Robert Kelly. We're going to be actually adding new stuff. A once a week video that goes only for Patreon members. That's for you. It's kind of like a fucking what happened

during the week and stuff like that. And what else do we got? That's it. Also the $1 members, anyone who's a $1 member right now, you can pay a $1 member. Sold out. But if you can sold out, can't come back to be a $1 member. Yeah, sold out anymore.

It's, yeah, we're just $5, we're adding a $10 membership, which is going to be, you're gonna be getting a whole, that video every week, we're gonna be doing, we're gonna unbox, we're gonna be really adding a lot of content to this Patreon for you guys. So next for backstage creeps stuff. Backstage creeps stuff's going up today. Creeps with kids tours happening.

Creepswithkids.com. This fucking tour is off the hook, man. I can't tell you how much fun it is. How awesome the crowds are. Every single crowd has been fucking insane. Next one is Easton PA, then the Warner Theater, Torrington, Troy. Yeah, Troy, go back to Troy, please get your shit together, Albany. Let's step it up. If you live in Albany, tell your friends, let's pack this fucking place out. And then this weekend on Saturday, you're going to be at the comics from home, 25th year, Dennis Leary, Cam Nile, Bill Burr, John Malaney, Stephen Wright, Pete Holmes, Lenny Clark, Joe Unetti, me.

I mean, it's fucking nuts. The lineup's nuts. Kelly McFarlane, the fucking lineup's crazy. 17,000 people. There's a couple tickets left, I think. And it's Saturday night. It's gonna be crazy. I'm driving back, driving right to Boston for this.

I can't wait to do it. So it's incredible. It's incredible. 17 back, driving right to Boston for this. I can't wait to do it. So it's incredible. It's incredible. 17,000 people all raised money for cancer and then creeps for kids the night before. So make sure you go to that. I am. What? If you're going to the kids on the website, there's an ask the creep link. Oh, yeah, ask creep link. Hit that, ask creep link and ask us a question. We if you're going to one of the shows, ask us a question and we will have Ron read them on stage at the end of the show. We do the panel. Bing by the boom. Zach. What do you got? Zach, the new guy. You guys are best fans of the world. See you next week. You know what? Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca.

Spectacularismos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desesperan. ¡Friparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com