Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Tim Dillon | Eating His Own Shoes

Episode Date: April 12, 2021

This week Tim Dillon is back for the first time since leaving New York and hitting the Patreon bigtime! We get into the Austin comedy migration, get a pop in from Rich Vos, and talk working sobriety shows! SUBSCRIBE TO YKWD https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly https://thelaughbutton.podlink.to/YKWD​ http://www.ykwdpodcast.com FOLLOW YKWD http://www.twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://www.instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast http://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast FOLLOW ROBERT KELLY http://www.twitter.com/robertkelly http://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive http://www.facebook.com/robertkellylive New episodes arrive every Sunday via The Laugh Button For advertising opportunities email: [e-mail] Go Premium: https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene? ¿Si no, por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en treno, con hacernos y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos lia. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.

Encuentra en los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos lia. Un número de mao, mueve. Solicitad tu beca en fundación lacaisa.org. Buscas contenido gratis. ¡I want to be free! Pluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o Sensación de Vivi. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca.

¡Ya, baby! ¡We're starting the podcast right now! que tienen todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. WD's back again. Old school is back in the day. We're all starting before them all. I can't hide why T-Di-U-T. The podcast is so fun and crazy. And as a rule, see, I'll help you out. You're ruining this. First of all, I'm gonna make a man out of this. Sorry. It's not any podcast.

This is an NPR. That's what the podcast does. Is there any better show? This is the original. The original. Oh shit. What's happening everybody? We're back. YKWD is in full effect and I'm excited to be back. I am back on the road. I just got back from Cleveland, hilarities, packed out shows. They gave me so much fucking niceness there. I got gifts, Nick, the owner, such a sweet guy. I always love Nick. Even when I wasn't working the club, I've loved Nick, great guy. And gave me a baseball bat, a custom bat with the logo,

YKWD logo, Bill Squire, who I've known for, Jesus Christ almost 20 years. I've been working with him in Cleveland. He used on the show and he gave me these beautiful tiles. I'll try to show you by the end of the show. Take pictures of him. YKWD logo is all this stuff. I don't know, just a great weekend. My favorite hotel in the world. It's the first indoor mall of America, the high and downtown Cleveland. They play old music. It feels, I don't know, it's just, I love it. Great weekend, great time, fully off the diet,

went ballistic, got ramen by myself, and then I went to Dim Sum. Sam, the manager at the club, picked up the tab with a sweet guy, went to Dim Sum with around fucking six comics, and we ate our faces off kev. I wanna mention from comicwearables.com. He's got a new shirt up there.

He's got squiggly face Robert Kelly. This beautiful new design. Of course he's got the YKWD shirts. And he's got the Calter and Kelly brand new logos up there. And we got the small little Titty one too. So comicwearables.com go get all your merch over there, get a shirt, take a picture, you get some extra stuff with it and some stickers, stick it around the place and support the show and make sure you go to

also patreon.com slash rubber kelly. I want to thank all the new members. Geez, first time in a long time we haven't lost a ton of people at the beginning of the month. The beginning of the month is like getting a divorce every month from a bunch of you fuckers, but you stayed on and I'm glad you did. Today's show is fucking, I'm excited. This is one of my favorite guys to have on. I used to have them on YKWD all the time. My pilot that I wrote for FX with Jim Sherpick on Tom Celetti. He was in it. He was one of the co-stars in it. My dream

was to get this picked up, make him an offer, and me and him would be on TV every week just eating our faces off and doing comedy and having a good time. But that never got picked up. And now he's a big star. He was supposed to be on last night, but some internet problems happen at his house. And I believe him.

And here he is, Tim, Dylan, everybody. Tim, Dylan. Thank you for having me. I, you were in my pilot that never happened either, by the way. Tim, I never sent you the pilot. I know I was supposed to, I'll send it to you. I know you asked for it, because I feel like you asked for it

because you didn't believe me. No, I believe you. They're never gonna let, no, listen, of course I've been,. Of course, here's why me and you will have to be in whatever pilot that each other do, because we need another fat person on the set, so that when the network comes to us and we got to put Dan's daughter in every scene, because people want to see him naked, we need another person on set that mean you could sit there. Because what you'll do immediately with a show with me and you is take us out of six of the eight scenes and put dance out or in them. So we'll have a lot of downtime just sitting in the trailer

asking to be on our own show. But the opening scene I am about to blow my brains out. The opening scene, I am about to blow my brains out. It literally, it pans by a bunch of photos in the wall when I used to be in shape, when I first met my girl, and then it slowly transforms into this bald fat fuck on a beach. And then it's me with a gun in my mouth. And then you come to the door and you try to save my life. But I barricaded myself into those little peep. And the way you save my, the way you save my life is that the

last second you threw a trick-a-treat Snickers bar in, through the hall in the door. And I was like, that was a hard to get now. And instead they went with insecure with insuray. So you never know what's gonna happen. They went with Atlanta. That's true. They actually did go with Atlanta. They went with Atlanta. Hi, buddy, how are you?

I'm doing good, man. And I so disagree with you about everything you said. I love hilarities and I love Sam but that hotel should be burnt down and that city should be burnt down too. Oh my God. I'm so so out of line. You're out of line. Yeah. I like the stuff. Who's that white privilege male sitting next to you? He's my producer. I'll be nice to meet you. I love is parted to the side little Superman curl And you know what it is the reason that this partnership. It looks good is I'm the one that people want to fuck and then he's funny You see how it works

Listen me ahead I let me tell you something about fucking Cleveland you're so wrong. I'm wrong. I don't know I don't know and you're right and I don't know I have it. I should go to better spots there Dude the hotel is first of all the first mall into a mall of America. It is cool But it's haunted. It's creepy. It's it's it's haunted. You're absolutely right. It's right It's I love when they don't rip shit down They just redo it. I like that shit because they don't do when can you walk out of your room and see a fucking eagle a steel Eagle made by an American Yeah steel factory over your fucking room every hotel looks the same it is every

Yeah, it's a beautiful. They're called the chocolate bar and they have this place where you can go get, like, I'm sober, so I can't get a chocolate martini, but I do get a milkshake every night after the show and just drink it on the way back to the room and they have that on the first floor of the Cleveland arcade.

But it's not bad. Cleveland's a great comedy town because people want to laugh over there because the last 50 years haven't been the best for Cleveland. I know what I'm telling you. Clear to set. Cleveland's a weird town because it's that fucking guy that American dude with American flag boots on. And then it's a guy with an orange hat halfway off the back of his head.

Yeah, it's like a cross between the hipsters and the fucking red necks outside of town. The dream perhaps blue ribbon. You know what I mean? All these cities, we've been in Omaha and Kansas City and Cleveland. And they're all like, they all have that weird vibe of like COVID didn't, it didn't have no favors. That was like a tough thing to go through for cities like that. It was tough for New York and LA. You can only imagine that tough,

it was fucking Omaha, you know? Like all the lot of the businesses are shut down. And so you're, you hope that when things open up, people can kind of go back to like earning money. They were cool ass little diners and little shops. And I'm like, none of these fucking things are open. And I hope some of them survived. So that like the next time I'm here,

I can go to the state because everything that's surviving is corporate. It's all chains. So it's like, yes, I have to go to Dairy Queen twice a day because they don't have any mom and pop shops. For my second dose of ice cream, I look at ice cream like the vaccine. So for my second dose of ice cream, I have to go back to the same dairy queen, whereas I'd

rather go to a mom and pop shop. Did you know, when you've hurt, no, I didn't get the vaccine yet. I'm waiting. I have, I have gigs and I don't want to get a fever and not be able to fly. I agree. I, you know, I need money. I'm like most people in this business who have $50 million a month on their fucking Patreon. You know, my my my producer is in San Antonio in his mom's house. Yeah, this is sitting next to you with a fucking goddamn fluorescent sign. God, that's a beautiful thing. It's a nice. It's the that's's the biggest expense we have is the fluorescence. I, what's good is it pings the rosace on my face. Very nicely. So the people at home can see a glowing red orb of flesh, which is what everyone pays for. Well, here's a thing, though, is that everybody in this thing, correct me if I'm wrong, but it seemed like rich comics or rich people were fine, right?

And it sucked because they still were putting themselves in the mix, like they'd call me up and be like, hey man, we're all on the same boat. And it's like, we're in the same storm, really not in the same boat. You know what I mean? I mean, you have five boats. And they're all beautiful.

People will tell you things like they go, like, yeah, I just stopped production on a movie. It's like, yeah, well, that's, we're having a very different conversation. Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of, and then there was all these comments that were like, no one should perform and fuck you if you're performing.

And it's like, hey man, fuck you, people gotta earn a living. And not everybody has like all this money in terms of people gotta earn a living. And also like, if I'm allowed to perform somewhere, I'm going to go perform. Like if it's open to a percent, like I'm going to go perform, why am I going to tell the state that I know better than them? I don't know better than the state health department. So if they say we can open it at 50% or whatever, I'm going to go do it. Yeah. But there's another thing too though, is like, I don't understand that they have

to wear their masks from the door to their seats and then they can take their mask off and have drinks and fucking nachos, well, a fact I spits in their mouth for fucking the hour and a half. I don't understand it. It's a crazy rule. It's one of these rules that don't make any sense. I can't wait to like two or three years from now when like the articles start coming out where like, yeah, none of that made any difference.

That's coming out soon. Like, you know, like, yeah, that's six feet didn't matter. The mask didn't matter. Uh, all the bullshit. Like it's going to come out eventually that like none of that had any, because I know people and I believe them who've literally been in their homes and somehow got this from a fucking takeout delivery thing. And then I know people that have been out,

like, you know, having three sums everywhere and they haven't gotten it. So my mother was in a nursing home and sadly, it's not died of this. World shock, she's 300 pounds in Asmatic. I'm cold, warm on myself. I'm like, can you choke her out? But her way, yeah, you don't get along with your mom. I get along with her, but it's enough

so ready. You know, we thought this was a nice easy out for the family. Truly, we all call each other and go, is it the day? No fear? How nice would this be? No funeral? Nothing nobody has to see each other just put her down the shoot. That's what you're talking about. Ah! That's what you're talking about. She's, she's, she's a con, you know, the last time I saw another, she looked at me,

and she said that, she goes, you're too fat to be on TV consistently. I'm like, she said to me once, because if you lose weight, someone may give you money to fix your teeth. This is the things that come out of her mouth. So no one's that if you're talking to fucking Norton of os. Yeah, it could have been, but she, she survived your roommate died and she was, oh, she'd never got it. So there might be some of the roommate. Yeah, she's in a nursing home.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. So you can't you can't hook her up her own room I mean you make it a little money to him you might want to get her one of the corner room a waste a room on her what she doing laying Good watch Chuck the call send with a roommate, which is what she does That's fucking funny. I Let me ask you question though. You're part of this whole fucking movement going to, uh, first of all, I miss you in New York. Yeah. Yeah, you haven't been around.

You're all over the fucking place now. You used to come in all the time hang out. Now you're all over the goddamn place. I've always said this, you're one of the guys that does the internet correctly. Could you tell you producer the fucking not yon during my speech? He does it during the show and I was fucking, he's pretty fast.

I mean, he's just adorable, but what the fuck? I mean, literally in the middle of the fucking thing. He's bored at all the time, he's bored, you know? Good looking people get bored, Bobby. They don't have to do anything. He just sits there and giggles in a cafe and everyone wants to fuck him. I got to show up and start talking about my accomplishments and talking about red eye. I got to get out of resume.

I got to tell people I was on CS know what's your fucking deal season two. So, you're the guy who's always done the fucking internet right. You seem to have no, you have no connection. You don't seem to get your feelings hurt. No. Now is it because you don't look at the comments, you don't care about the comments, I don't understand it. The internet is brutal.

It's actually more brutal than live stand up. Because people, and now live stand up obviously is, is, you know, a brutal thing too. But people in a live, like how many hecklers you get to show a couple, maybe, maybe, and that's rare. Like, but everyone on the internet is a heckler. And everybody will say the worst shit to you. And people in real life would never say to you what they will say to you on the internet. So if you put out anything, people will rip you up for what you look like.

If it's funny or not, you're a sellout, whatever, whatever they can say to you. I just got numb to it and I just try to put out shit that's funny and like, you don't care, you know, what are you going to say? I mean, there's a guy that after every podcast writes the word fat, you know, and I respect his dedication to what he's done for a year. He just writes fat after every. I have a guy that stands up on Instagram under a different. It's the same guy because he writes the same thing.

And he signed up after a different name. Every time I block him, he'll go get a whole new thing. He has to follow around a hundred and something people. And then he'll say the same shit to me Just to let me know it's the same guy just a different name Yeah, and he buzz it around two times a month and I do respect it. It's funny It's just brutal, but that's where it's everything is there now, you know The the everything is on the internet. It's like I don't want to be on a show. I don't want to have Somebody come and say, remember this tweet from

two years ago or two days ago, we're worried that, you know, and that's what's happening. Everyone I know that's in that part of the business. They're just, the meetings are more and more frequent and they're worried about their tweets and they're worried about things they say on podcasts. And I just, that's so boring to me. I'd rather just be able to say kind of what I want. It's done. I mean, you can't, yeah, to be Roseanne famous, Romano famous, Seinfeld famous is done.

If you've got a podcast for over a fucking week. Correct. Right. Yeah. And so to me, I'm like, I'm here in Austin, Joe's here. He's open in a club. He's open in a theater. Theater. Yeah, he's gonna do it big and I'm pumped to

Just be in a new city for a little bit, you know, I don't think I'll be here for the rest of my life But like I like to be have coming out of the pandemic and being somewhere new. I'm not in LA I don't want to go back to New York. So I'm like I like being somewhere new. I mean they wiped L.A. out They wiped it out. I mean they wiped L.A. out. They wiped it out. I mean, they wiped cancel culture or fucking went in and wiped it out. Wiped it out. I mean, that was the biggest, I mean, I was part of the opian Anthony tough crowd thing that was big back then, but you couldn't

monetize it. It wasn't you, you, you, you got paid what? Fucking 500 bucks with tough crowd, open and empty, and we all went in for nothing. We did tours and it spiked your ticket sales and stuff like that. But, you know, to have your own podcast at that time when those guys blew up, I mean, it was crazy.

Yeah, they went in and they went in and took them all up. Well, it, it, unfortunately, what I think happened was the business of comedy is no longer for people like us. That's just not gonna ever happen again. Like for people like us, they wanna be funny, that are not interested in making a social point. I'm not interested in trying to get people to cry and you know, I'm not trying to help you. I'm trying to fucking make you laugh. I'm not trying to save

your life. I'm not trying to like talk about, I'm not trying to work you through trauma that you went through with your mother. I'm just trying to make you laugh. And if that helps you, there's other areas great. It's not for us anymore. It's for people that want to make a point. And I don't know how long that'll last, but as of right now, that's what it is. And I don't really want to, if I make points being funny, great, who cares if not. And then that LA scene was a strong scene of pod gestures,

but then what happened was the pandemic happened and then everybody realized we don't have to be in LA. We don't have to be anywhere. We could just do shit on the internet and go perform when we want for our fans. And then, you know, when LA and New York open up, we'll go back, I'll go back to New York and I'll do spots and stuff.

But like, I think the whole pandemic has, I think some people learn something from it and other people didn't learn some from it. But I think if you should have had a long time to think about what you want. And like I thought about what I want. I'm like, I never want to have to go and sit down in a meeting with somebody who is a 25 year old kid who is going to look at me

and make me apologize or explain things I said that are clearly meant to be funny. I'm like, I don't want to do that again. So I just want to be goofy online, be stupid, put on wigs, say crazy shit, podcast, be barbecue and fucking, you know, whatever. And eventually I'm going to say something wrong about one of these tech guys and they're going to blow up my fucking car. And then that's it. But I don't need to, I'm not going to live forever anyway.

So how glorious will it be when they blow up my car because I insulted fucking, I called Mark Zuckerberg non-binary or whatever I've done you know. It's weird though it's like it can I be honest with you? Yes. Because I'm from I'm kind of from both generations of you know the development deal, the holding deal, the network TV, kind of touching you and the comedy central and you get a thing and you go here and you become big.

And then now and then of course of this generation of the podcasts and the Patreon and kind of doing it yourself. And it's hard to let go of that dream of, you know, writing your own show, getting it on TV and presenting to the fucking world your love. I would love it. Here's where I never said that I don't like, I would love that. Like, I like like right. Yeah. I hey. Like I'm into like I love it. I'm working on right in the script with Colin right now to

Colin Kane. Colin Quinn. I know. I'm kidding. I like. Okay. I love just seeing you and Colin Kane would be fantastic. That's a great mix. Oh, that's a cop team right there. Wouldn't that be a great cop movie? Yeah. Well, we're gonna need, but again, it's like I want to listen all that shit sounds grow I'm not one of these people that are like fuck movies and fuck that no I'd love to do a show on HBO or Netflix. Hey, let me know. I'm heat like I just I look around and I go Oh, that's not gonna happen and then I look at what people are apologizing for. And it's things that I've said worse this morning, publicly. Like, I do it. People are saying like, I just wanna apologize

for what I was very insensitive when I, they didn't even say anything. They're like, as a white person, I just spoke. And even though I didn't say anything offensive just speaking, and I'm like, yeah, I, so I just, I look spoke and even I didn't say anything offensive just speaking. And I'm like, yeah, I, so I just, I look at SNL. It's like, it's all like going away that I can't. I'm not, that's just not going to ever happen for me. Well, it's like Jay Leno fucking apologize for jokes that were approved by standards and

practices. I mean, people liked Jay Asian people like them. Now you're seeing their racist, like they enjoyed the joke. Here's my question. If I make a joke about Asian people and they love it, are they also like, are they part of the problem? We're taking the enjoyment away from the people that enjoy the jokes. Right. Like there's racial jokes that have been around forever. And now all of a sudden, there are a huge problem.

But my cousin's a mover and he works with a lot of Hispanic guys and they just bust each other's balls People that work shitty jobs know that you make jokes to make it better and a lot of those jokes are racial jokes Because it's easy and cheap and it's funny and that's how we Like that people bond. I don't this whole idea that this is problem is I I just don't want even be part of this generation I'm just I don't even understand what's happening Yeah, but like let me ask you question first question I'm I in the pilot with you and Colin and my written in there somewhere is there a part you're gonna be the move Yeah, it's a movie it's a feature and you're 100% because it's about Long Island and it's about monsters

and you're 100% because it's about Long Island and it's about monsters. Who do you think I'm gonna get to play my family, John Malaney? Yeah, dude, I don't fucking, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, man. I bought land in the hamstring. I bought a tiny home, just in case, just in case I get a hot one, because I was talking to Keith. I was like, dude, we're, we're done. We're done.

When all this cancel shit happened, I was like, we're done. We're, I was talking to Voss. I mean, we've said so much stupid shit. We all, but then we realized that we're not famous enough. So we're safe. Yeah. Um, we're not famous enough, so we're safe. Yeah. We're like, oh, yeah. No, let's say you don't want to use your ding. Nobody wants to be safe. Like the people that want to be famous, God help you. I got to disagree with you, dude. You're right.

But being famous, I've been a little famous in my career. And there's nothing that makes you, I mean, the fucking way you get treated. The first class, the limo's, the people that fucking are up there. Email Chris Tullia, ask him how that's gone. Email Chris T, ask him how the fame's gone. Now email, and then email, who's the other guy who's on TV, the Brian Cal. Send Brian Cal. Email asked him how the fame's gone. Now email and then email who's the guy who's on TV on the brink out. Send brink out and email ask him how the fame is. I forget. I forget how it's treating them. I get listen. Go listen, Valipa. I know they take it away.

It fucking kills me. But it is. I want to be famous too. Listen, I get everything you're saying and I totally understand. It's like, but know, at the end of the day, it's like, if you get really big, you're just a target. And it doesn't have to be something big, like those guys are just fucked up shit. But you know, there's no, like we haven't seen evidence, like, you know, there's no evidence out there. There's just a text. it's like, no one cares about evidence. But like David Dobrik, who is the biggest online dude, he was like the king of YouTube, they just took all the sponsors ship and all his money away. And it's just like, so when you get to be the top, it's their coming.

And it doesn't have to, it doesn't matter what it is. It doesn't matter what you did. They'll just find one of those YouTubers because a seven-year-old girl wanted a little kiss like that, and they gave her a kiss because she was a fan, and then they took him out for sexual misconduct with a minor. Yeah, I mean, listen, if you get that super big like that, you're just a target on your back.

Well, thank God I'll never have to worry about that. Yeah, I think you're gonna shed. I'm gonna shed, I gotta go shut the door real quick to a fucking bug just fluid. Hang on. This is where I'm at right now. Yeah, I don't have a twink that can shut the door for me. Well, these things, he's paid a lot of money this guy.

Listen, I'm, boy, listen, if you ever bail out, I'll fucking sit right there. I know technology. I'll put a wig on. I'm gonna, I'm gonna wig and a fucking shirt that doesn't fit too. You want me to do that? So you're moving Austin now. Listen, this fucking whole Joe Rogan is literally. Who is that? He's a a guy he did UFC for a while He was from Boston originally tycox.com

Yeah, fair factor, but he did a news radio before fear factor. He was on a hit literally on a hit Look at me if there's any career. I'd ever want it's Joe Rogan's every genre Not the career. The whole thing. Yeah, the wife's the kid. Yeah, it's beautiful. I love to make a decision. Just to walk into a store and go I don't want that and that I want that. I can't even make a decision in my life. Yeah. Never mind. Fuckin learning how to hunt an elk. Yeah I mean, he's just he's probably the I mean, he's probably the You know, the prototype of what a, you, every man kind of wants to be, right? Yeah, I think so.

I mean, he's got an amazing life and he's his work ethic. He's like the craziest thing I've ever seen. I mean, it's like I'm crazy. I mean, now he's taken everybody is moving to, I mean, everybody is moving to Austin. Well, from LA. A lot, yeah, from LA, a lot of people are coming. Sugura is coming. I'm here.

Tony Hinsley here. And he's here. Red Band, who started the podcast, which are years ago, is here. Yannis, I think, is going. Yannis is thinking about it pretty seriously. It seems like a cool place. It seems to be a place where if you are expecting it to be New York, you're not going to be happy. But if you understand that it's not New York, I live 30 minutes outside of Austin in a hill

country, which is nice. And I don't want to live in the city of Austin because I'm going to be a content. I ain't, you know, I ain't do that. Yeah. But instead I live out in the country, which is nice. And like, hey, man, I go on the road and I do, you know, I can kind of work from anywhere and you save 13% in personal income tax not being in California. There's no stating. Yeah, but you also, but you're also the vibe is fucking got to be 100% better and they took that star General manager from the comedy store is actually gonna be working the club. It's gonna be a great club Hill he will absolutely kill it with that club the club is gonna be really really good and

I have no doubt that it's going to be one of the best in the country. I mean he does not Bullshit so when he says he's going to do all this stuff, he's going to do it. Now, this is fucking Adam Egan, who, I mean, I feel bad for the comedy store. Yeah, I mean, they'll figure it out. They got burr and they got Whitney and they got some people and they'll figure it out and they got Bobby. You name two people. Right, we have three people. You got three, they got three people. They'll be okay.

I don't know what, here's the deal. When is international travel allowed back? Cause that's the big thing. You know better than anyone. New York and LA clubs, a lot of them are international, you know, tourists. So those cities need tourists. So when do they get to come back?

I think when they get to come back, it becomes a big thing. You sell us back, they're doing five shows. They got, they turn the olive tree into a comedy club. Yeah. The pussycat bar is a comedy club. The lounge, the village underground, of course, is sell us. There's five clubs now. Did it run out?

I believe something half-cafrancised. I see the photos. Stand is back, but you're right, though. New York is the world. Right. That's why the salad was smoking. And when it does open up, how long is it going to take for those people to come back and take a flight

to go to New York? And New York's not the same fucking New York anymore. No, there's a lot of problems over there. So who are the stabbing shootings? Shittings, shittings. Shittings. Shittings. Yeah.

One of my favorite parts of the city is that they stop shitting in between cars. Cities sucked, dude. Every city is just tense. It's gross. Austin's the same thing. You got to get out. And being in the suburbs, I think, is the move right now because every city is just tense, it's gross. Austin's the same thing. You got to get out. And being in the suburbs, I think, is the move right now, because every city has been mismanaged so criminally that you have these tense cities and you have nobody got any

help during the pandemic, nobody got any, like, you know, see, like all of these restaurants and bars that were shut down, people lost their jobs, people were drug and alcohol addictions went back to those. You have people that said, let's give, give, take all the money away from the cops so they can drive around on bicycles. And that's a good idea. And you know, you have people in New York going, let's take in Minnesota after the George Floyd thing, which was very tragic, but they took all the money from the cops. What happened? There's a massive spike in shootings, massive spike in gang violence

and criminal activity. That's what happens if you have no cops. So those are going to be the cities unless people realize that you cannot have a city without any law enforcement. And you can't have a city where people are just shitting on the street and doing fentanyl in intent. Sorry, sorry, I know, but burst everyone's bubble. I know that these childless freaks

who are on Twitter all the time, don't worry about walking their child past somebody O being unfentanyl, but you've got a beautiful family and lots of people out there have families. And they're just all the work their kid through. My kid has been, my kid's been in New York two times in the last year. Right. And both times the first time it was like fucking a pock a lip, though. It was a pock a lip. I mean, people, homeless people walking up to me and him asking me for money.

One of the homeless guys asked him for money. Well, that was second. That was Lewis Gomez. But the Lewis Jay Gomez asked him, it was Well, that was second. That was Lewis Gomez. But the Lewis-Shay Gomez asked him, it was a subscription, he said, well, you subscribe to Gaston. Yeah, but that's crazy how fucking nuts it is that they're asking seven year old for money. Yeah, it's crazy though, but I gotta, you know, I'm walking on the street,

I have a brass knuckles in my hand. Yeah. I might go to jail. I might have to fight somebody in New York when a year and a half ago, you could walk around anywhere. It was beautiful. Yeah. It was fucking beautiful.

You go in the subway with Max. I remember a year ago, me, Don, and Max went on the subway. A year and a half ago, and it was insane. Go to the park. I let him run around the park with fucking kids from all over the world. They're looking like a Beneton ad.

Him hanging out with all these kids, you know, it's not going to get better until sadly people realize that the mayor of the city is a goon. Yeah, but they realize that he's a fucking moron. It's not enough of them. They won't vote him out. You got to get rid of them. And then the next one could be worse. The next one could be worse.

So let me ask you another question. Yeah. Now you're out there by yourself in this big house. Yes. Is this guy living with you? No, he lives with his wife like 15 minutes away. So is, what's your name again? Ben. Ben Bobby. Very, very charismatic. He's, why is he talking to me like he's, he's fucking, uh, he is a mafia guy getting fucking grilled by the Senate. Ben, it's all the videos

we do online. Ben edits all of us. So Ben Ben's I mean, he's fucking great great videos Ben But Ben are you from Austin? No, no, no, I'm from Texas though. I was born in Lubbock my that was a basketball coach I moved all over but I never lived in Austin. This was never my scene So are you moving with Tim? Are you going with him? I moved like a month ago. We're in Austin now So you you and your family you picked up your family and left to go with Tim. That's correct. Yes. So you're getting some bucks, huh?

He does. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Look at me. Look at me, Tim. Don't look at him. Stay with me. I mean, my producer right now is shit in his pants. He's like, what, what am I doing? I put my moves in and I'm in a chair. I can't afford to move motion to my shed. I feel bad. Bush, we're getting there, buddy.

We're gonna get there. I swear to God, mush. You're producer once that's Tim for future work. Yep. Ha ha ha. Did you hear that? Moose just fucking stuck in your work. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Are you a stand up to? I'm not. No. Oh, that's the ticket. That's when you know you're successful.

Yeah. I like it. I like it. I like it because he likes to golf. And he has a wife. And then he's a human being. Yeah. Well, at five o'clock, he has nothing to do.

He's just going home. Yeah. He's at your back in call. Did you have to make a special trip today, Ben, to do this show? No, I mean me and Tim work pretty much every day together out here at the house. We're always working on something Where did you meet this fucking square? I like this guy Where did you meet? He's a legit legit. I mean we had lunch other day with a guy who's like a billionaire and

You know, the band looks like one of these tech guys in Austin. Yeah, I look like I own a bar in Worcester, Massachusetts. And N looks like one of these guys who could have started Uber. So he looked exactly like these fucks. They all look exactly like him. They have wiery glasses and they have no expression on their face. Yeah, they have an emotion of like a raise by wolves. It's exactly right.

And you're taking over the world and they're going to destroy all of us. So we just better. What happened to the fucking cool guys? The no better. No offense. No offense. But cool guys used to run the fucking world. Yeah, they're talking real.

They're retards. That's the problem. Cool guys are retarded. And the problem is we, you know, the cool people just didn't keep up. Well, what the fuck happened? I mean, the nerds took over. The nerds took over everything. I mean, even like, you know, I mean, writers finally figured out that why am I writing for this

fuck? Right. Let me just write for myself. I mean, look at all the, look at all the movies. Yeah. Like back in the day, I don't know if you have one waiting. What did you say? Speaking of cool guys, we do have one waiting. Oh, we have, I have a special guest. I thought you might miss New York. So. Hey, how's it going? What's up? Love it Texas home of Buddy Holly. Love it Texas. I called the clap in love. I was I was working a place called the good humor bar with Bill Hicks

and his guy Danny Brown from Texas and we went to a strip club. I picked up a stripper and the next three days later, I'm pissing green fucking shit out of my fucking small unit. Anyhow's it, huh? The clap is comedia, right? I don't. I mean, the clap is something Bobby never hears when he performs. How you doing, Tim?

Good to see you. Good, what's up, yet? How's he performs. How you doing, Tim? Good to see you. Good, what's up yet? How's the body? How's the family? Everything. I feel like Tim, I swear to God, this is a, you're really fucking an asshole. You come in here, you fucking huck me out of the bus.

Tim's not doing, I mean, he's not doing anything for you. I don't have, with your personal, no, listen, and I'll use an old reference. Michael Eisner couldn't help my career if he was stolen a business. All right, what the couldn't help my career if he was still in the business all right what the fuck help my career I'm in my senior years I'm gonna be 64 I wasn't a big okay if I sell two CDs a month I'm doing well

no I don't sell CDs but if I still sold them to who would put me open to talk. This is all riches. He got the clap. That's like that's like Vietnam war fucking sex disease. Yeah, you used to go into clinic and go, yo, man, you're here again. You know, you see, you're talking the same face as just depressing whatever, but everything's great. Bonnie created a TV show and wrote a TV show for Jessica Kurson.

You know, Bonnie created the whole thing, right? The whole thing. I mean, it's based on Jessica's life, but you know, it's Bonnie's creation. It's great. What are you doing right now? Why nobody asks you ask how to do it? Yes, I'm wanting to do it. I'm sorry. Let me ask you a question. Can I play Jessica Kierzen in this show?

Well, you got nicer tips. Yeah. Yeah, I love Jessica, but the voice is a little grating. So I'd like to step in and play. Coming from Tim. Yeah, it's coming from me. God, the last time I saw you, we were downstairs at the stand. Before the world fell apart.

It's fucking, it's so horrific. I heard, you know, I was in a waiting room when you were talking about these cities, but it doesn't listen to so much. Okay, both political parties have been hijacked by extremists. Let me finish this with Tim. Okay, two intelligent people speaking. You're stuck in your cigar.

You fucking low budget gr shall marks. So what I'm I'm too it was too it was very very very Word Tom the Glowflin has have Tom punch up your fucking jokes towards me. Okay. Who's Tom a Glowflin the guy in the chat has been trashing me the whole time So much back to you and in the chat. Yeah. Hey mush put that guy in jail. Fuck him. Goodbye. Fuck you, Tom. Saturday. Actually, I go in the chat. Tom McLaughlin, then. I was comments over here.

That's it. Then, so, Tom McLaughlin. Why does Tim don't look like he has a young Jason Steinberg working his board? He's because I, this is my, my producer. Is it? Yeah, does he do all the editing and stuff on the videos?

All the editing on the videos. That's amazing. He's really good at it. I don't know anything about any of that. I just yell in the corner and he makes it funny. It's true. He just gives me a cigarette and lets me scream and then edits out the N word. I mean, that's, you know, and 10 years ago, we wouldn't even had to edit that one out, but we do have to edit it out. Now you do. Now we do. You have to edit so much shit out. Mushas tell me that in YouTube, you can't say, Kant, you can't do like five things you can't say in the first 15 minutes

while they demonetize you automatically. Yeah, we've been fully monetizing about a month. Oh, yeah. Now my face gets demonetized. They look at my face and go, something racist is about to come out of that slash. I, it, you know what, it's so great. When you're on stage, like in my position,

because you can't hurt me anymore than I've been hurt. Like there's nothing you could take away, you know what I mean? And, and Billy, nothing you could take away, you know what I mean? And Billy, I guess it's Billy, but one or any even Bonnie says it, once you apologize, that's when you're fucked. That's exactly right. Because they don't want the apology, they just want blood. Yes.

You give them that. It's, I was talking to know them about this. I mean, know we're talking and we're emailing and it was just like, that's the turning point is when you just go, ham, really sorry, people go, yeah, you see, you see, and then it's like, then it's just a floodgates help. So I just don't, I know I never asked for iPod, but yeah, but I think you just got to say, you know, yeah, it's a joke. Get over it. That's, you know, go get over it. That's what's great about you and Bobby semi me. I mean Bobby creates his own opportunities. Everything Bobby does

he creates everything you do you create. Yeah, pretty much everything I do I create. So when you create your own opportunities, no one can really hurt you. I love other opportunities, but no one wants to. I love it. What I love about that is that you can't want to create an opportunity for me. I thought the funny guy was going to have a good career. Like, I thought you could plug me into a guy at the fire station who can't fit down a pole or, you know, you give me a fat wife and, and Nebraska watches us every Wednesday, but apparently that's not the game.

Why do, uh, on Malayne, was told not to fly. And then he stands up after a seven hour flight and that's it. That's literally what happened. I knew his opener who's now, you know, eating his own shoes. Get, uh, get Bonnie. She could show right a movie or a TV show around you and I promise you it'll be good. Well, I'm trying to plug yourself into Tim's fame. Listen to me. I'm getting f**king sick of your ass, kids. You come in here and you're middle of a s**t s**t Dylan's ass.

You're not getting in like the Austin. Joe doesn't want you there. If I was not happening, even the f was not happening even the fucking even the fucking producer like it's not happening. Why? Let me take it. Not having it. I'm gonna move to North Carolina and I'm gonna follow him. I'm gonna fuck yourself. I'm gonna fuck you. I'm I'm you know what? I'm gonna follow shouts wherever he goes. You can go to Miami. Go to

Miami. You'll fit right in at the retirement home. All right? You can't go to the beach because you'll get hard-puned. I'll go to you. Really? You just go right to the fat joke. You're fucking strong. I hope you're fucking into that.

I wish you a nice thing to stop you. I wish you a nice thing to stop you. I wish you a nice thing to stop you. I wish you a nice thing to stop you. I'm sick of you kissing Tim's ass. It's not gonna have like a shirt and take and anybody's taking me okay. Listen, listen, tell Bonnie she doesn't have to write anything new. Me and Jessica Kerson have had the same life. Yes. If Tim takes you, Bobby, you're gonna have to fucking fly cargo both of you. First of all, I'll have a daughter with a heart problem. It doesn't have a medical

issue. Any kid I have will have a medical issue. Let's be honest, whatever comes out of anything, it'll be a big diabetes. So I don't know, but it's gonna be a problem. Certainly a couple of rashes. I think kisses. I don't kiss ass. That's my problem in this business. That's not your problem. You do. You do. Kiss.

Never. Tim, let me tell you something. A boss is the fucking worst. He's just one of the nice, probably somebody who's got a little eat. He fucking wants to latch. And now I took the point of the news. He tries to latch his wife onto that person. You're right. I'm going to send Bonnie over. I want to play golf. Let fucking Bonnie to the writing. I do love Bonnie. I tell you, Bonnie is one of the top three things I miss about New York. The baked salmon white fish-galadish sables.

Yeah. And the chicken parma quality Italian and then Bonnie, because I really did miss Bonnie. Those are the top two. Where's the chicken palm place again? All the Italian, 57 and 6. It's the one that's shaking pizza. Oh my God.

Okay. That's the one thing. First of all, boss, if Tim ever did take one of us, he's going to take me because we can have lunch at least and enjoy us. All right. Yeah. What are you going to have a salad and take a walk? Shut up. You have the heat of an igloo. First of all, I fucking don't fail on stage, right? I feel. I know, but I'm a no-fail act. I feel I know but I'm a no-fail act I'm never fail. I'm never

Popularity good seeing you fail on our fucking tour never once One time no, I had some lady walk out because I offended her you a racist I wasn't racist you were were racist. You did 10 minutes of racist jokes. No, I said, I said, my daughter lives is married a black guy. So I heard due to family. That's what I said. That's so funny. That's so funny. And now it's like, if you say that,

they'll try to make you into like a mass murderer. If you say that joke. It's hilarious. The black people, the black people love. Listen, the other night I said I went to a BLM march. Yeah, I go. I went to saw wings, but the black people fucking the white people are the ones that fucking ruin it for everybody. It's white women. It's white women. It's white women. It is white women. That is a good point.

They stay. When I would stay in this a couple of weeks ago, when I got shit, as I was saying that white women are the hecklers. They're the ones that usually are yelling shit out of talk and are on their phone during a show. I said 95% of the people that cause trouble that comedy shows is usually some white chick,

whether it be a young hot chick or a fucking middle-aged chick who got divorced and, you know, got some issues with men. It's never a black dude, it's very rarely a guy, and it's never ugly people. When I do my show at the pussy cat back a year and a half ago, I did a Tuesday show every week. I told the people, the managers, everybody up front has to be me or uglier.

That's it, that's the real me or uglier up front. Hot people all get the back row. I don't want hot, I do not want hot chicks in the front row. Get the fuck out of here because they got to make it about them. Yes, this fucking lady I was going outside. So she wouldn't shut the fuck up. I said, you know, in the, I go, can you stop people? You know, I go, I go, you're gonna have, you're gonna have to leave. She goes, I like to see you make me leave. I go, that's true. I don't have a fork lift.

And then fucking, fucking left because I attacked her fucking disgustingness. It's always the hot girls too. That fucking want that attention. Why is that though? Why is why the hot girls because I mean, you're gorgeous. You get the bang. You get guys buying you shit. There's so much that everybody wants what they can have. Those girls are, you know, they're hot, but they want to be known for other things. Like the worst things in the world are rich people who pretend to be poor and hot people who pretend they have something to say. Yes. Also, too, the hot people have always have the attention on them. But when you're on stage, the focus is on you and they can't handle not having that attention.

It's pure fucking narcissism and fuck them. All right. Hang on one second. Hey, mush, put Tom McLaughlin in time out for five minutes. He used an emoji, just an emoji. I don't like that What is he doing? What is this guy doing? I just I'm just I don't he wants the bus balls So I want to bus balls back have a little fun put him in timeout again. Goodbye. Jesus you want a bus balls back What are you my uncle? Jesus? He bus balls. Oh

He's stink. Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? What is this good fellas? Are you talking, you know what? Fucking kick Vos out too. I like him. Get him out. Do you see him out? Do you see special victims? No, don't bring up fucking fun facts cock sucka. I can't believe you just went no no like I was going to really kick you out. What's wrong with you? I kicked out of so many places. Jim how do you like Austin? The city is a dump and it's shit and it's full of and the city is a dump and it's shit and it's full of blue hair people. But the surrounding area is nice. If you, I'm 30 minutes out, it's nice. But the city of Austin itself is always sucked.

They think they're cool or not. The audience is a cool kid. They all work in tech. They've all got a lot of money. They suck. But I mean, the outskirts are nice and it's a lot of money. They suck. But I mean, the outskirts are nice and it's a lot less money to live here in terms of taxes in New York and LA and Joe's opening a club.

And we hope that that should be really cool. And we're just, we hope that good things happen. When he opens his club, what if he asks you to send a tape, would you be pissed off? No, because at the end of the day, it's like he's done enough for me that whenever he decides to stop doing, I will go, that's fine. So Tim, if Ryan resulpened a club somewhere, would you follow him? There's a big difference between both of those guys. If you Google them. There's a big difference between both of those guys if you go go them There's actually a you can actually go to Forbes, you know, after Google

And I like Ryan Reese, but I wouldn't I wouldn't follow them It's a fucking weird thing. It's a goddamn weird thing this comedy shit has been twisted So and the last year is so fucking weird right now that Austin is going to be a comedy hot spot. Yeah, my B. Why not? It's got to be, I mean, the creek there. I want to see Rebecca to creek the other day, right? She's doing good and you're going to get that place up and running and it's up. He only in total.

It's a drunk city. That's the only thing I kind of love about it. It's like kind of like drunk like everyone's drunk all the time. But you don't, you don't drink, right? I don't drink at all. Yeah, but that's what drunk city. That's the only thing I kind of not love about it. It's like kind of like drunk like everyone's drunk all the time and But you don't you don't drink right? I don't drink at all. Yeah, but that's what's annoying. It's little annoying You don't smoke pot either do you? Oh sober 11 years 11 good for you. Are you sober? Yeah, I'm sober, but you're not you're not in program or anything right I was in the program I don't I'm not in the program is actively now, but I was yeah That's weird. I didn't know that.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. No drugs or nothing, huh? An occasional cigarette. But I mean, I'll smoke cigarettes and then quit for three months and then go back for a month and then quit. But I don't do any drugs or drinking. No cocaine.

I want to. No cocaine, Bobby. Yeah, everything but cocaine. That's a good question. Everything is cocaine. Everything is fentanyl. I want to know cocaine, Bobby. Yeah, everything but cocaine. That's a good question. Everything is okay. Everything is intentional. I'm still very accepted. I always attributed your energy to some type of cocaine or.

Oh, no, I'm manic. But like Rogan said, he goes, you're sober, but you don't seem it. And he goes, you seem like a dude who's not sober. Yeah. I agree with that. I always thought you were on something. I'm, that makes me happy that you don't do fucking for rich adults. And a specialty did.

Yeah. I, when I shot my special, and you could hear his voice that, uh, special was shot three years ago. Uh, you know, who bought it so far? No one. And it was so much fucking fun. It was an amazing time, amazing special. Anytime you do, and you know those pop-ups when you're doing 12-step conventions or such a great audience. You're on a next week. I'm doing a Wednesday and I think Sunday I'm doing a couple of them. Yeah, they're great, but it sucks when you get heckled at those because it's from some fucking, you really can't smash

the guy back or I'll fucking use you know. I was doing a rehab once and one comic was up doing so bad. You want two people in your audience got up to leave and literally the counselor said, if you walk out of that chair, you're going back to jail and they went, whatever. So that's, you know, the act is not hitting. You guys went, I'll just go back to jail right now. I'm just going to dress this shmuck, what the matter is, oh shit. And so we, I did a big convention in Palm Springs.

And I brought this comic from LA to open. And we walked through the pool area and everything. And it looked like a prison yard. I mean, there were fucking swastika tattoos, gang tattoos, guys with tear drops, but they're trying to get clean. And the guy I brought to open said, I don't think I'm going to be right for this and drove back to LA. Really? They were the first of all, they were the best f**k out. They're the best. It's the second biggest convention in the world. Best?

Yeah. Best cried. No idea when you start a comedy, but the best crowds are people who can't legally see their children. That's right. What can you say to somebody? There's nothing too dark, cynical, dark humor. They love to laugh and they're great crowds. They're like every ingredient of a crowd. And they're smart enough that they're trying to get silver. So they're smart enough to realize

that things won't work. And also too, at a 12 sub convention, you're trying to get silver. So there's smart enough to realize it like things won't working. And also too at a Those are the like some of the best shows I ever did because they were they've been seen shit. They've been watching TV in eight months. And now they're you know, got some asshole telling dick jokes. I was over there with Colin. I remember we're at the Iraq airport. And we're at the Iraq airport. And we're at the Iraq airport. We're at the Iraq airport during the day and someone column was on stage kind of taking a hot one. And then there was a there was like a motor

attack and I was like that's a bomb during a bomb. Yeah. Yeah, we should do a fucking we should do the next big Ike pa What is that where is that is that I don't think they're doing any of those oh, wrist didn't you tell me you bid on world once Isn't world like the biggest conveyor and once world can you tell us what world is it's like the biggest convention Well, I never I've been to world. I never performed that world. Yeah. World is it's okay to one of Palm Springs. I did is the second biggest. It's probably about 5,000 people. World might be about 20,000. I think I mean, I mean, people are flying in from places that barely speak English.

You know, they see people with shoes and they're amazed. are flying in from places that barely speak English. You know, they see people with shoes and they're amazed. These people are coming in from all over the fucking, and like the main speaker meeting, I went to the main speaker meeting at world. It was fucking insane. It's when world was in Baltimore. I went there. What is the arena? They do it in like a arena or something. Yeah, it was gigantic. It was a comment that year. I think they had Rita Runder. That's a good pick.

I think that was... There you go. Let's get somebody that looks like somebody that everybody robbed to get high. I mean, see the guy that you support. You're gonna read a redness funny. I think he's a great joke writer. Yes, I think he's one of the best joke writers. Hands down, but when you're dealing with a fucking audience that used to put fucking guns to people's heads I don't think a fucking wedding dress is gonna win them over. I don't know

I think she's great, but there's it's a certain type of comic I did an a convention in New York and this a comic who's great went up and it didn't cut it because these people the i mean there who's the perfect comment for that like a cat williams uh... uh... yeah cat would kill that one of those catch funny to begin with

you know anybody catch funny but it's the way he sweats. I just I just wish he would put an AC or something on stage Because what it's like the the the amount of sweat that happens during cats performance or maybe not wear a suit You know maybe not wear maybe wear something a little lighter. We'll just have five guys from the nation of Islam fan Yeah, something you know guys like Alonzo boating kills in those maybe not where maybe we're something a little lighter. We'll just have five bucks from the nation of Islam fan. Something. You know, guys like Alonzo boating kills in those,

you know, you would kill I kill Bobby with slaughter. You know, if you got Nesca kids, it'd be great. Well, no, the thing is I got 35 years clean, plus I grew up in that environment. And I was a crack addict. So there's so many different connections. Right.

I think it's somebody that has to be in the program if they're not like a cat Williams or a deal you gleeing, maybe somebody's gonna have experience. You know, and you gotta speak the language of a drug addict. You know, I mean an extra addict. Yeah. I, yeah, but you know what I did with those gigs. Some of the best gigs I did were A-N-A,

N-A, conventions, and I started out just doing rehab shows and then I got convention work. And some of them are the most fun they put you up. You go to meetings, you know, you do the comedy show. Everybody knows you as a comedian. It's really cool. Mike Deast-Defano killed it, though. He's the guy.

He was the guy. That was the guy. I didn't have in my head. Deast-Defano was. He killed. I watched that fan. He's last rodding again the other night. I mean, that guy.

So have you ever seen that? I mean, he was amazing. Who might, yeah, he was a funny fucking. We did, that's might put a special together with me, Bobby and Norton. And it was called a comics. And Bonnie, your life, no, he wasn't on it was. She was there. She was there. Sorry, sorry. And the thing is he put it together, you know, Bobby, me, Norton and him. We all have different addictions. And then we're all extra gags. And Comedy Central aired it once or twice late at night. They fucking buried it. And it was so fucking good. And that's what they do with everything though.

Their whole MO is once or twice. And then they bury it. And they do another brand new and next week. And then if you ever get convicted of rape or felony, they play it 9,000 times a day. Or if you, if you, if you, if you say you were in the fucking tower, uh, Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, he came clean with that. What's that? He came clean with that. I met him at the stress factory. He was a nice guy. He's a really sweet guy. I met him at the stress factory. He was such a nice guy. We talked golf. And in fairness, it's an easy mistake to make.

I remember when I was at when I was in Hawaii during Paul Horner. It's an easy mistake. How do you, how do you, that must suck though to get caught in that lie and then have it get picked up and then you just get a row with it. I mean, man, I as an LA comic, I can't really judge anyone. And that's because most of my colleagues are going to be judged very soon. My jurors.

No. Most of my colleagues are going to be judged very soon. My jurors. Well, I wish everyone well. Oh, shit. You would have before you moved there, you would have smashed him for a half an hour, but he is a good guy. He is a nice guy. Like, yeah, funny. I watch him for like 15 minutes. He's a funny fucking dude. That's what the problem is, Voss, is that New York comics smash each other. Like you coming in here, fucking guns blazing for me. No, I wouldn't shut your face and let me finish. Okay.

When, when LA comics stay, they don't do that to each other. They fucking treat each other right. Oh, I don't know about that. I wouldn't say treat each other right. L.A. is just more like people are, every friendship in L.A. is completely created and fake. That's a difference. So like at New York, there's some real, no, I'm being that serious. And I don't really care anymore because we have enough money to kind of be honest. But every, every, that's a really exist. It's like, no one really likes each other there.

It's just people see each other. And it's like, like, you know, how to barbecue? I've never been to a barbecue with like Joe, Tom, Bert. Like, I never once have been to like a, like, Bobby. I was like, four barbecues to your house in the span of one year. I've never been to a barbecue with all those guys in LA. Like, that's the reality. Like, there should be no none of that.

I think you hit it is that you have enough money right now to be honest. We were honest and we had no money. Yes, we waited. That was stupid. That's right. That, I think is the dumb part. I think we should have waited until we got a little money and then we could open up our stupid traps.

We let, you know, back in the day, we let tough crowd, ONA and all that shit go to our heads. And that stuff was fucking erased like that. And all of a sudden we're fucking scrambling, you know, just hoping red eye comes back. I would love the best thing I told by me and Bonnie said the best thing is they would give you a car afterwards. We're wherever you wanted to go. Yeah, thinking about the Long Island.

I didn't even have to go to Long Island. I just wanted to sit in a nice car for an hour. I actually took the car back. I live, I lived on 47th Street. Yeah. And it was, I took, it was two blocks away. I would still haven't picked me up and dropped me off. It's fun. It's like secure. You feel like you're like an important person. I was doing, I was doing the other one,

Joey Bayhara and they sent me a car and I go, can I just have the car money and I'll drive myself? Because it was like three, they're spending three over three hundred bucks for a car. Fuck ass for the money for a car? I just asked them to use the car to hit Joy Bayhaw. I said, I'm gonna call him. You knew it, Joy with the car. I was thinking of all those. I was, well listen Tim, I'm glad that we fucking got you on.

I was a little sad last night. Why if I was fucked? Ben will be back me up on that. Yeah, the wife has been bad here. We're in Hill Country Bobby I'm cool I believe you and then I say call me and you never call me back Well, then I

Went to get back to oysters Bobby. I stayed up till three in the morning. It's cool. Don't worry about it I made my kids stay up with me. I said Kim Collins We watch shit's taken till three in the morning. It's okay but You know and then my kid was like can I go to bed now daddy? And I was like It's okay. But, you know, and then my kid was like, can I go to bed now, daddy? And I was like, yeah, okay, I guess he's not calling. And I apologize. I apologize. I'm glad you're not a fucking, you're not a, without a money. I could see you guys soon, right? Because the stands open. I can

come and like I can come like the things are happening. Yes, things are back. I'm getting back to you next week. Yeah, just don't come when I'm on the show at the seller. I don't want to get bumped by you. I'm not going to stop. I don't even work there. But I'll come say hello. You don't work the seller.

I don't work the seller. I didn't get past you. You didn't like me. How fucking funny is that? It was the best thing that ever happened to me because then I went to L.A. and it, like, things worked out. But it was in hindsight, I wouldn't tell her, thank you. Would you, but you'd work the cellar now, right?

I wouldn't audition, but if they asked me, if they asked me to do what I would do. All right, let's make that happen. Yeah, I mean, but I, and I, listen, I didn't have the best set. She wasn't wrong either. I would never say she was wrong. She, she did the right thing by not pissing me. But then I started this podcast and that actually was a really good thing.

But like, I would never say she was wrong. She was not wrong. I chose a age joke to open with mistake. And, you know, it was, it was not the best set. So she was right. No, ill will. No, no, I love the seller. What was the age joke? I said like if I'd AIDS it wouldn't even be in the top 10 things killing me. I was like if people worry about gay guys having AIDS and I said you know if I'd AIDS I'd walk into doctor and go hey the good news is you have AIDS. But the audience is like is he really gay? Is he gay bashing? Why is he talking about it? It was the total wrong thing to do. And then this is really woman's in the back stare at me. I'm like,

yeah, this was wrong. I said, I said, we watch so many shows on Bravo. My TV has aged. But no, I want to see both of you guys. So hopefully it should. So I'm in New York. Hey, listen, I hopefully, I hopefully that you I didn't come on and you had tons of things to talk about and I fucked it up for you No, I want no, I want to know You you you you you came on and you I mean I was really fucking it was pretty mediocre until you came on I mean you know I'll be with a talked about Ville for 15 minutes I actually went to his co-host over there for a minute because I didn't, I mean,

I didn't know what else to fuck and go with him. I was talking to him. I mean, he's as boring as you get too, but, you know, I was at the end of my rope until you came in, you fucking cunt. I just didn't know you could throw me under the bus. You know, I would not, you like our new lighting in our podcast room?

Can you tell the lighting is better? You look great. I love that you got a blanket from Walmart to hang on the back. Yeah, there you go. I love it. It looks great. You look fantastic. See how that works boss? You look fantastic. Well, Bonnie bought the lights.

We're going to have the cameras come in. I mean, it's only we've only been a podcast for about eight years, but now we're going to really picking it up over here on these. I don't know if you know that them. I mean, it's only, we've only been a podcast for about eight years, but now we're gonna. Yeah, we're really picking it up over here on the East. I don't know if you know that, Tim. I'm gonna shed, he's got a blanket on the wall. We're fucking working this out.

So I don't know what you got going on, but there's any room in Austin. I'm pumped, you know, I just, I'm here for the MMA community, and I'm a fighter, and I believe in fighting. And that's what I like. So I actually, I'm actually been telling people that you're not gay. It's all a scam. Everyone says that. I think it's very funny. But it's, I mean, my wife gets offended at that and my children in Paramis are quite offended by it because they don't want the I don't feel like I would be great if you were married to Jessica, you guys

We just hope you're doing this game. All right, by the way, that would be we'd be the most popular couple in AA and no one would get any donuts. I don't know if you're gay, but I think you're thrilled. I think you're producing gay. I think that's a sham. And you know, the sad thing. I think you're producing gay. I think that's a sham. You know, the sad thing. I think you needy would love that to be the case, but that's not the case. They'd love that to be gay.

Does your producer get extra money if he shows any emotion? Does he ever, he never, he never throw up on his, he's the same. I think these are people that are sociopaths, you know? I mean, he's producing the show as show is buying Bitcoin during the show. What the fuck is this? I find out with more exciting tumors. I mean, he's, oh my god. He's like, oh, he needs this.

Well, his job is to be interesting. And my job is to sit here and have people want to fuck me And that's like every he's like every opener miniapolis this Not me moved to New York for Minneapolis I'm not making moves to New York for Minneapolis. Okay, you're on a tour clock tonight. I listen, I got an extra 10 minutes that we do right now. Can you stay for 10 minutes and just go over some more? Stop it.

Of course. I real prick, boss. Can you stay for 10 minutes? Yeah, what else am I going to fucking do? I don't, I don't know. We're fucking finished. It's over. We had our shot. It didn't work out. Tim's doing great. What are you doing? What are you doing? Great. What are you talking about?

I got an anchor property. I'm doing fucking landscaping videos. Where did Bobby go? Bobby left his own fucking I'm gonna start the numbers real quick uh call me that's a name to read we have some names we read these names with me boss no call me

yeah read these names with me help me I hope you do yes I'm gonna read the names but you do the $10 ones And you got to do something extra for the $10 ones whatever, okay, all right James the mom oh Natalie 622 hi Natalie, that's one of my favorite names. We got Joe Sutton, E&T. As Australia, the same five bucks. Is that the same type of money? Mick, Mayus, Max, Connex.

There you go, right there. That's you, Voss. I can't see. How old? Vincent. Oh, it's just old. I can't. It's too small. Hold on. I'm not going to be a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a What's your name, Mike? It's a gallon appin. What is it? A gallon appin. Yeah.

Christ. Hunter. Monty Willis. And then here you go. There's another one for you. Read it. Read it. The last three are all you.

Can't see any of them. Steve and Pomeroy. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Read it, read it. The last three are all you. Can't see any of them. Steve and Pomeroy. 10, 10, 10, April 4th, April 4th.

The reading names. Oh. Thomas Beclothlin. OK. You got to do something for them. Thomas Becloth. Okay. You gotta do something for them. Oh Jesus. Santa Myers. I broke my glasses for him. Oh, man.

Yes. Read the names, mush. What are the names? Read them. Mush, where did mush go? Where are the names? Sorry. I'm, huh? Mosh, where did Mosh go? Where are the names? Sorry, no, I had to do the theme by accident. No, that was the last three.

Thomas Pomeroy. Did he read them? Yeah, well, I read them. Stephen Pomeroy, Thomas the Klofflin, Chandamires. Chandamires, thanks you guys. I want to thank all the new Patreon member. We got a bunch new members this month of April. All the ones that stayed. We have a great month ahead of us. We got Andrew Schulte coming up. I got a bunch of other

special guests coming in May. I'm trying to get some really great guests on. Of course, Rich Voss, always funny, even though you fucking come in and you trash me out of the fucking gate you first of all two things Yeah, two things. It's always two things with you. It's never just one two things One this week and Friday in Saturday. I'll be at the Atlantic City comedy club at the Clarege Hotel and casino and Atlantic City and I'm just gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that I'm like I said I told you beginning when I wrote my pilot with CERPA colon those guys Tim was you know, he had I was like I want to work with this guy. Oh my god Let's do your dates real quick

I can't you know, it's like this is why nobody from fucking do you would just mean to each other it's mean this is why the it's just a mean fucking bunch of cunts the Chicago area Thursday April 8th, the Kennedy, the Kennedy and Dortheaner Friday April 9th, the Cali, the Laff Factory, Saturday April 10th, Lumber, the Linoid After Life Music Hall, then after that Sunday, April 8th, Jim Dorit, Pennsylvania, at the Muckjunk Opera House, Saturday April 24th, Lincoln, the Browseg at the Royal Grove Theater, Saturday May 1st, Newton, Pennsylvania at the Newton Theater, Saturday May 15th, East Brunswick, New Jersey at the East Brunswick Square Mall. Saturday June 12th, Napa Knock, New York at the Paper Mill, and then Friday,

June 25th, the June 26th, Albany, New York at the Albany, Funny Bone. Guys, I want to thank everybody for coming in here. I want you to make sure go to comicwearables.com. We got the call to Kelly Sher shirt. We got the new Robert Kelly squiggly face and the YKWD. We're going to be getting the jerk off party thing very soon. All you guys are in here, even Tom McLaughlin. Saturday nights, we have the jerk off party, the J.O.P. party. We invite all of you Patreon people. Come on in, hang out, we shoot the shit, we bust balls, we talk over each other, and then everybody tells you to shut the fuck up.

Make sure you get hotel information next week. Yes, Joe, I will send up my hotel information. Joe actually called me in the hotel, which was very fucking fat JC mother, fuckers. I want to thank Tim Dillon for jumping on today. Sorry about last night. It was beyond my control. And don't invite that dick. Well, what am I going to do? He's a fucking Patreon member.

How do we not fucking invite him? I mean, what am I supposed to say? You can't comment? I'd love for it to see his face wouldn't that be great see his fucking face see who he really is come on guys yeah let me fucking great I bet he's fucking flawless I bet he's a flawless you're looking human being you Melissa do you really think that guy's gonna come in and turn his camera on and let us know who he really is? Are you fucking crazy? Come on, he's not going to come in.

Are you giving the van vibe anyways? It's you got to do. All right, there we go. I mean, we let a guy sit in the dark, drinking his underwear, and just fucking scream over everybody every week. Why not invite fucking Tom, Kakauffin whatever is God them. I bet he's whatever the fuck he is. It's Kevin Brennan. If it's Kevin Brennan, there's no way Kevin would come in and spend an hour and a half listening to a podcast. I hope not.

Listening to a podcast. I hope not Kevin's too too much of a funny stand-up comedian to To do that I would think right maybe write some jokes something spend some time with your kids speaking of that I'm gonna be I got a rap this up right now Mike V. Suarez. Where are you this weekend? I'm gonna be going to the cricket in the caves this weekend and that's really serious Same hey to Rebecca see what's going on there. I should be back in the cricket in the caves this weekend. And that's really serious. Same. Hey, Rebecca, see what's going on there? And I should be back in the North pretty soon as well. I'm gonna try to bug Tim to see if I can get on his show in June here. I saw you see that and I look at my, I'm trying lady bugs. I get getting the Patreon fucking trying to get the show up as soon as we get up there, baby. Huh? You won't have to open for anybody, mush. That'd be awesome. You just do your own thing. How's that?

How happy? Amazing. Yeah. But, uh, yeah. But it's last three weeks. It'd be great. Thanks to you, Bobby, you're helping me out with the big J work, doing you with, uh, South Carolina. And that's last weekend with Yannis. So it felt really good to be back up regularly again. Don't forget Shane. Yeah, Shane and Rachel last month in January. Getting. What's this guy saying now? I'm not hiding my identity. I'm like Bobby Kelly. If given the opportunity, I'll slap it right on a logo and little boards of meat. Doesn't make sense. I'm going to kill you if you're not going to say it.

Until it's bored. Okay. You are hiding your identity, dummy. You got a dumb name with a stupid logo, okay? It might actually be a thing, Tom and Cawson. How do we get my name on meat? I would love to get it on meat. That'd be a great idea, wouldn't it?

Like just like a little ham or something? Maybe a fucking sofrostata. It's what it is. YKWD cold cuts. Yeah, like a YKWD sofrostata. Maybe we'll mix it with the cheese show Right. Oh, yeah, oh my god, that's perfect. Yeah, the cheese show and the YKWD. Yeah, this guy stinks Look at you know what boot him again just for the last couple minutes

Oh Don't fucking mother Shit Ah, you're fucking idiot. What a pussy Oh does it take all his chats out if you fucking put them in jail? You're five minutes, yeah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, we should wait to four. Let's wait till four, 59, and then end the podcast, right? When he gets to come back.

He has been a good sport. He hasn't cried about me and put in time out with the other people that we're at. So, oh, we don't put people in timeout, do we? Not very often, but a couple of times it has in the past, so people usually got mad right away and would quit. Oh, they quit when they get put in timeout. A couple of them did, they just got, but they were being like real shitty, like this guy's trying to be funny. Those guys were just being dicks. Yeah. Yeah, we

got to do. So, hey, of course, if the lady bugs don't like them, I don't fucking like them. So how's that? All right, that's it. Tomorrow, we got culture and Kelly, we're going a little early tomorrow because I got to be somewhere at five. So we'll talk to you guys then. Mike's, oh, geez, Mike just sent me something. Rich Voss is calling me for some reason. This is a fucking nightmare. We'll see you guys. Hope you enjoyed the podcast. Make sure you subscribe. Hit the subscribe button.

Hit the like button. Leave a comment. We need you guys to be able to help the show get more popular. You guys are killing it, by the way. Every week we get more subscribers on YouTube. We get more. Pedro members, sorry. I want to thank pillow cube, fucking greatest pillow ever saved my life and saved my fucking neck. I'm a side sleeper and it's the greatest

pillow ever. I believe if you guys want to use, I got a code for you guys. If you want to get a pillow cube, I don't know if you want one, but I got a goddamn code for you if you want to use it. We want to use it. Mush pillow cube right here. Ready? You ready? Yeah. Here it is. RK 10 is the code. You get a percentage off when you buy one of the pillow cubes. RK 10. Make sure you use that and you get a nice little fucking dinger off when you use it. And bear mountain maple maple farms, the best maple syrup ever. My good pal owns that so make sure you check them out. Sponsor in the show, being a part of it and listen to it every week. So thank you so much Lou all scruffy bones Melissa Greg Sarah fucking Chris fat JC. We got fucking Joe

I mean all you guys all you cocks out because scruffy bones scruffy Chris I mean you guys are the best. So we'll see you guys herbs and herbs. We'll see you guys this weekend and in Chicago, I better see you Sarah this weekend. Come say hi, and that's about it. We'll see you guys next week on, you know what? Later. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Spectacularismos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desesperan.

¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Aamurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. you