Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Tits & Gap

Episode Date: May 22, 2017

Description; This week on YKWD, Robert Kelly invites guests Joe List, Mike Finoia, and Lenny Marcus! Bobby, Joe and Mike discuss how they're 'lifer's' in therapy and try and talk Lenny into it. We talk about Joe's recent Conan appearance and tally up Bobby's 'Fucks' and reach some great fan emails! Watch/Listen/Share/Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a claustrophic. This podcast has no rules. Look at the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic or something? Oh, what the fuck?

That was trying to keep it like a comic. I have a bunch of you guys on. It's just us sitting down, yapping. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's ten-no-topics. No directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin.

That's how it all holds. That's not what you motherfuckers want. Do you want to do anything? My podcast is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life. You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what do podcasts on whitecast.com. Popular I might affect somebody's life. You never know From your mother's count Bob Kelly is a very resourceful motherfucker. I don't take no for an answer. I want a bell. We fucking get a bell What is that? That is the new

That's good that you ask that mr. Joe this welcome to the show Thank you. I don't know how to do this just screw it right I know but I wanted to move it. It's alright. I'm good. Oh God Now well, you don't have to accept a shitty microphone stance. You can get what you want with that You have to you have to accept your career Curious terrific well, whatever dude. It was a joke. I didn't know you were doing so good. I just did Conan. Yeah, whatever.

Did you watch it? I didn't. I did fucking Conan two weeks ago. I didn't hear from you. I, you did watch it. Here's the greatest part. You and your girl were on, I don't think that's ever been done. Never been done.

Ever. Never. I can't imagine that it's been done. And not both of you actually, both of you actually did good. That would have sucked if one of you bombed. Yeah, well that's the thing was hard about it is that I feel like I'm very hot, but that's the thing that's hard about it is that her is she taped and then is that better? She taped.

Is that better? Yeah, she taped and then, sorry, I'm doing a mic thing on the fly here. But she taped and then they delayed it she got bumped So everyone's posting sarin joe tonight listen to him kill it's history, but I'm on the west coast and I haven't shot yet I'm still going I might fucking eat it Yeah, you might and not all those people that's what's nice about having it come out the day after you shoot Because you get to shoot it it goes well, and you tell everybody I'm sitting here going leader thousands of posts being like this guy is a fucking hero And I'm going to eat my dick. I'm having a panic attack. You did great though. Thank you

I was very nervous and I stumbled on a line of club to line on a hundred percent of my late-night stuff But you you acknowledged it so you have seen it you acknowledged it and you made a fun the The acknowledgement was as funny as the line. Got a nice laugh. Yeah, because they offered to edit it out. My friend Henry was like, you should leave it in. It's an extra laugh. It's funny. You should leave it in. I mean, it's, I did.

It makes it real. It makes it better. It makes it like, oh, this really happened. It wasn't some overproduced horse shit. Well, I had a moment of panic. I'm working on my, you know me. I'm going to therapy. I'm going to meetings.

I'm talking, I'm taking Tai Chi. I'm reading to meetings I'm talking I'm taking Tai Chi. I'm reading power of now one of those things isn't true You're not like I'm not everybody But I thanks for coming in buddy. I threw Tai Chi in there. Are you not into Tai Chi Mike? No, I think it's great Oh stop all right Wait, you know this what happens when joke when Joe comes on Because Joe me and Joe have known each other for so long that we just start yapping like we're on a bus to Boston to do a Dictority room. This is how we're gonna get you on the show.

Bobby you and Joe cool cool your headlining. At least tell me that bell means someone has to show a tit. Listen no it's not that what happened is I want to stop swearing on the show I say F too much. I say the F bomb too much on the show I listened to one of the shows and I was appalled. So I said every time I say the F word, I will give a dollar into a bucket. And last week was the last week for that month. And in two shows, what is the tally up to? Okay. So the first show you did 55 fucks second show is a hundred and twelve fucks so what's the total one sixty six I owe a hundred and sixty how much

hundred and sixty seven hundred and sixty seven dollars is going to a fan now with the how many fans that we have we have two fans that we that emailed well for the fucks we had one fan email. What's his name? Can we please read this email? Yeah, his name is Ryan Melody Let's say right. Hey, Lauren Ryan Melody. I'm a premium member of YKWD I don't know if you guys were serious about giving way the swear dark cash But I would definitely throw my name in that I'm an amateur boxer from South Eastern mass, Brockton I'm the woman

Eastern mass Brockton on the weapon. Oh Don't you try making it not about you and your therapy the next door to each other. It's worth noting 31 years old and I have my first kid on the way every little bit helps, you know, oh Boo don't give it to him now. Why? Just wait no What is your friend? Tell her to put it in. Tell her to put it in. Tell her to put it in. Tell her to put it in. Tell her to put it in. Why not give it to him? He is throwing a lot in the mix, Boston. Yeah, my family is in the first.

Damage of Boston. He's rocking all of a sudden. I got a kid. He's really throwing the kitchen sink out. Yeah, you can say some money by your own. Not paying for that gym time in the boxing class. I really. Hey, what?

If he's a vet, I'm not giving him the money. Keep going. Bobby said to send you an email with a picture of myself. So here it is, thanks for your consideration. Love the show. And I think you're hilarious. Also, Deepo sucks. Talk to you later.

Well, he wins. He wins it now. He really threw in everything. He said, scopos dumb. I want to get him an extra 50. You just swear on purpose. I want to get him more. I want to round it up to two. And's got both stupid. Did he send a picture?

He does let I just got to email it over to miss of his of his peepee. No unboxing oh from boss. Let's take a look at it. We did get a peepee picture from Brian Riley Don't give names. Oh, what's wrong with you now? We can't You throw $100 in. Oh, did I just wear no she should forgive him away? It's so every time I swear actually from now on you're gonna hear that from know, did I just swear? No, she should, for giving away a bit. So every time I swear actually, from now on, you're gonna hear that from one of you. It's just you, right? Just me, of course.

I could say, yeah. Content fuck in the inward. Whatever the hell you want, I cannot say the F word because I say too much joke. You don't say it too much. You strategically use the word. I say it a lot. Not as much as me.

It's just a situation, probably not. No, not as much as me. You had, you did my at at the fat black and you swore way more than ever and you even acknowledged it and it was so fun. Oh, I think I said mother fucker. Yeah, because it's one of those shows where you can't do your act or something, right? Yeah, kind of. Yeah. Working on some new stuff. All these shows whether you're not allowed to do your act, I just say fuck a bunch. It's great. Oh, here's the guy. Look at that guy, man. He is a just a doneness. It's either one getting taped up? No, he's the one taping. He needs money. That's a pro.

He's in the UFC. Yeah, that's we're gonna get him new socks. Look at that. So, geez. We're gonna hook this kid up. All right. Listen, what's his name again? Kids. He's done. Ryan Melody. When you're from Boston, everybody's a kid. Ryan Melody. Ryan Melody. You should have been a singer. Maybe in a band. Ryan Melody Ryan Melody you should have been a singer Maybe in a band Ryan Melody Nothing all right You threw fucking there maybe but it's getting another bell. It's getting to their bomb bell. No, we have a bomb band I know that I know you have podcast. Stop trying to alpha mail me out of my own show. Both of you. It's okay Yeah, you know what we have we have we have a bomb

Dana you fuck you've been getting it wrong for two years. You got my name wrong today I said it's a bomb. No, yeah, why did I say Fiona? I don't know you should give a dollar to me. Oh Jesus Christ Fen way are you really why did she shut up? I'm trying to do a podcast on a podcast. You're not the house You're fucking a I just asked them a question. I don't give a shit. You don't ask question you answer my questions That's not how the cook does you, motherfucker. Listen, shut up for one second, both of you. Just swear already. We're given this guy, how much money do we send in?

167. You're getting 167. Oh man, that hurts. I have a kid too. I'm taking boxing. I'm 167. That's boxing for a month with me and my wife. You should see my girlfriend's box. I have.

What? We're gonna send you that check out. So we're starting a fresh month today. We will be doing this. So enjoy that money. Let's go on to your kid. And then we have the other thing. The bandalier. The bandalier. We're given doing this. So enjoy that money that's going to your kid. And then we have the other thing. The bandalier.

The bandalier. We're giving this away. We got two people in the running. Mike. What's the bandalier? Well, look how excited you're getting about the bandalier. Are you sick? What's going on here?

I don't like this. Why? Giving all your stuff away. Yeah, we're at it in the show. So yeah, the show's coming to a nice wrap. All right, I'm gonna be doing the balls. I'm gonna be doing interviews with middleers on the road. That's my new, it's called middleer.

It's a half hour show on the dot every week. You just give away who books what? This song will be stuck in the middle of you. That's like a no second guys. Guys, guys. No, what was it again? The song will be what? This has never been done before.

Aigo Lauren, that's feel. It's never been done. That's not bad. I wasn't bad. I wasn't laugh, but it wasn't good. Well, that's what I expect on the show. What is this fucking Oprah? We need a laugh.

He said, fucking. He said, what is this fucking Oprah? Buddy, you can't do that. It's her. It's her. All right, well, throwing a dollar for his. Michael, you can't do that. Oh, I just did. It's her. It's her. All right. Well, I'll throw in a dollar for his.

Michael, you can mic Fionna. Listen, I like Fionna better. I did too. You might have a little... You might have a little... That'll see Kaya. But noia is tough because it rhymes with... Fionnia.

I'm not going to... Hey, you're actually... You know what? You stick with that one. You're right. Fionna. Everybody gets it wrong. What's it? The one. You're right. Fionna. Everybody gets it wrong. What's it?

The vowels. People get nervous. I nail it. I've never gotten it wrong. You're great. I am. I am. So we're giving him that.

Now we have two emails. I'll let you guys help me on this decision. Let's do it. We have two emails. This is the first one who wants to eat. No, that's the other one. Dumb. Dumb.

That's our theme music. That was tough. Okay. Hey, Lauren. I don't know if I still have bandwrapped her correctly, but I need that thing. I'm a big YKWD and Bobby Kelly fan. The show has been amazing. You can read your accolades. You can read your accolades.

Your work on Chip Podcast. Podcast. Podcast. Oh yeah, this guy. The podcast. You know how infuriated I'm just pissed at my, I let it happen. It's going so bad.

I let, and it's a fucking smash hit. It's a, it's a, go ahead. Ah. I hate you Mike. I'm putting cigarettes. So I'm now gonna be hyper vigilant. I can't believe chip 70,000 downloads.

Almost 100,000 downloads on his first episode. I don't know what that is. Chip, Chiperson, we'll play a clip for the last week's show. Well, I'll play the movie, we did. Oh, the movie they did is just, oh, a trotious, go ahead. The reason I should get the Band of Lear is I'm probably one of the only actual Irish fans as in I am born bread and living in Dublin

If you send me the bandle air along with the ride castic I will play said sticker on a famous double landmark. Yes, there are some along with photographic evidence Keep up the brilliant work great comedy is scars out here and that's the She's gonna use the stick and a van to life is it scars or scares? Scars. Scars. Is there a dumbbell? Snort bell. Get it? I made Mike Snort. All right.

All right. This is just a dream. Huge fan, not a premium member. All right. I got shit for being a premium member, by the way. I just got to segue a little bit. Premium member, you guys, we have a lot of people who joined up for Premium Membership. I have been fucked off.

Do we get the creeps of kids up there? I gave it to Rob. I'm gonna say it'll be up by the time this goes up as a podcast. We'll stay Monday. All right, listen, and I've been very flaky. I have two one on ones that are going up there and they will be up there today.

I promise you, I have flaked a little bit. I got an email, a fan fucking curse me out in the nicest way. Well, look, I just been a little, uh, I've been waiting for this creeps with kids is and waiting for that to go up and it's just been a nightmare to get that up. And it's finally going up today. So you will have creeps with kids the whole episode and you'll have a one on one with Nick the Apollo and me. I'm going to be doing, I got a whole new setup. I invented a new way to do podcasting on the road. I got it again. I did it with the zoom. I'm the first one with the zoom

H4 and then I went to the H6. Nobody knew what the fuck that was. Okay, nobody. And tell everybody does their podcasting on the road with the Zoom H6 or H4 baby. And I did that. I'm the one who told Irish, Shafir, Burk, Kretch, and I got the new way, the new way,

no batteries, no plug-in, four mics, a little box, and bang! You're doing podcasting on the road, wherever, you can do a podcast under a bridge

with no Electricity, remember why do you feel the need to Say that you were the first and I was the first why did why does that need can't you just be it and accept that you were Did you an inspiration to many did you go to a meeting today? Yes? Yes, shut your face. All right, take I scheduled my first meeting We had a nice drive this weekend, member. Yes, and you, I called them. I'm going to go to therapy. Oh, good. I'm doing it. That's good. I'm excited. Therapy is great. I love it. I need it. I really love it.

I, you know, I really, I went today. You can't tell. Oh, yeah. I'm so jealous. You can't tell. I talked about you in my therapy session. I want to talk about this. I do want to talk about, that's a good topic, but let's finish this real quick. I'm sorry. No, it's all right. I think it's amazing, because I want to talk about this. Something happened to me in therapy today, and I want to talk about it, because I had problem solving skills

and I didn't panic, and I'm very proud of myself. Go ahead. Ready? Justin Huckabee. 40-year-old Texan permanently disabled knees. No, the other guy. The other guy gets it. Oh, Jesus.

Hang on, the first guy. The guy lives in Dublin. You know the fucking shipping tax on that? It's like $50 a ton. All right. And threatening to vandalize. I don't mind like that. I like it.

I'm fighting off a good, fighting off going full wheelchair. So when I saw Bobby introduce the run, I initially thought this would be an item I could utilize while I'm using the old Walker. I still think it would rock except upon further view. I feel it would be much more suited as a gift for my brother. He's the hardest working man I've ever known and he even seems to go a little hard times. I'm only on social security, so sadly,

the fam hasn't received gifts for me in a while. Would warm the old ticker to be able to present him with a prize from celebrity even Bobby Zagiyanki. JK, let me know either way they give away his over. Thank you and bless you guys. Huge for him, not a premium member only because poor and super appreciative of free content. Yep, it's good.

We are free every week. So the premium members, we love you, but it's always free. But we, I don't know, which one gets it? They, the guy from Ireland, who, I mean, I mean, it's going to cost me 50 bucks to send it out there. Well, we give it to the guy who's in a wheelchair, who's not even gonna take it. He's gonna be humble enough to give it to his brother

who just probably just works hard. Or, you know, I mean, which one, Joe? Well, I think you're more likely to be close to hitting a bonus in Texas. This guy comes, maybe he completes it. I've never been in Ireland. I'd love to go to Europe and do comedy. Well, one guy is not going to get you there. If we did like a YKWD tour, he never knew. This guy might have like 500,000 Instagram followers

in Ireland and he puts up your sticker on the rock or whatever you kiss, the Blarney Stone, right? Now, who's this guy? He starts a whole thing. got an in for in Dublin want to go to Dublin with me next year put in a word I want to put a phone what you're in I work for the guy I know you guys what guy I can't I can't talk about it right now why that's gonna be on stuck in the middle I can get it I put it on good word I don't get it's a big festival you never heard of it what's it called vote a phone is it look at it. It's a big festival. You never heard of it? What's it called? Vodafone. It's like they have a risin'. It's a big fest in Dublin.

Yeah, do you get make money or does it give them? You make crazy money. Good money. Better money. Better money than you make here. All right, here's a deal. I'm gonna give both of them one. There you go.

I'll have a ship. I'll give this guy this one, the guy on the wheelchair. I'm gonna give him this one from us. I'll sign it. We'll all sign it before we ship it out. And make sure you put a sticker in the Dublin one. And we're gonna send the guy from Dublin one today too. Get their addresses, we'll send them one out.

So there you go, I just gave my fans $171. $67. $106. You should do like Katzai. 1700 Fuck 166 You should do like cats. I remember do you remember the movie cats? I know. Do you remember the movie cats? Stop trying nobody does Come on you never saw that it's four short movies It's a Stephen King thing. I think we're like when a guy's trying to quit smoking and every time he would like to cigarette They'd zap his wife or like cut her fingers off and stuff.

And the cat drew, the young Drew Barrymore is in it. We said no, Mike, the little gnome. Mike, you've seen it. Mike, we said no. Watch it. Move on. Stop trying to force us into your world. That's so good.

All right, listen, that guy's in it. All our map, no, I don't remember. All right, so here's the deal. Lenny Marcus is late. I don't know if he's hanging out with a black comic or not. I don't know what he's doing. What? Where's that, by the way?

Why would you use the note, what's the name and vein like that? I just don't approve of this. What? What do you mean he's with the black comic? He's late. I don't approve of him hanging out with black comics. What do you want me to do?

Bobby said you, uh, it was fun. It was fun. That was fun. Okay, so here's the deal We're all done with that fans. Thank you so much And with the sticker the new sticker can you show them the new sticker? We haven't printed up Dode. I was the first one to have stickers buddy. This is the new sticker God what happened you got upset

Doing this What happened? You got upset? I'm gonna be doing this. To a concert for my life. Wow, I can't do that. You look so horrific, my goodness. Stop, stop, stop, stop, wait, wait, wait. What is that? Is that a magnifying glass? Can I get in there? Scroo-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro- If you want them, we're gonna have them here in the showroom, and we're gonna bring them to shows, and Lauren's gonna be mailing them out to people.

If you want one sent to you, you're gonna have to email me. Email Lauren at... YKWDproducer at rykess.com. And you have to make sure you can have them, but you have to put them up and take photos. Yes. That's it. I want to hold. Lauren, you're okay with this? I guess.

I want a fat head size one for my wall. That would be a great, we should get that done. Yeah, I'll take one of those. I'll take one of those. I'll take one of those. Look at that. Come on, I can't. Put it back up for a second.

Look at that Jersey gap. Yeah. That's the Jersey gap right there. That's where you go from fucking Jersey to Philly right there No, not there down there Right there look at that one that's the fucking tunnel right there. It's got two little bumps Are they ready outtakes with like a you know a nipple out take no no She's there's some new photos. photos she wants given to me though.

Was that right? I don't have any nude. She's lying. Look at me. No, look at me. Suerimax is life that you didn't take a nude. You never take any nudes. Suerimax is life.

With that, that day. That you don't have nude photos. Oh, that's what it's in your day. Look at that, look at that dub-tailing answer. Anyways, Mike, we did have a nice ride home the other night. We really did. And we were talking about therapy. I do think therapies.

People, this guy's who say, if you need therapy, you're a fucking, you're a weak man. I think that is a weak man who would say that. Somebody who doesn't understand that everybody's not the same, that everybody can't deal with things the same way. Some people have to do this or that. If you don't understand that they were all different, but if somebody's trying to better themselves with an A-A meeting or a therapy or even taking some type of, I guess, a drug to help them, making some type of, I guess, a drug to help them.

I don't do that, but I think it's an amazing thing and you should do that. Yeah, totally. I did it for a while and then I got frustrated with the fact that it was only like 45 minutes and I felt like I wasn't getting enough out of it quick enough so I bailed on it fast. But now I told you. It's like it was two little times, you cut all the time.

Yeah, yeah. Wow, that's a, that's some pretty good insight. Yeah, Joe, Jesus. That was the most passive aggressive thing I've ever heard of. Well, that seems that's strange. Why would you say, give me more time? No, double sets. I don't really want to, well, I don't know.

I wasn't, and instantly I wanted to sleep with my therapist. I thought right away. It was very good looking. Right away, I was like, this guy's balls must be delicious. No, I thought like, right up, she was a beautiful Asian woman and I was like, I know, this is great. What was that? What was that?

Oh, what the fuck? What do you, what are you hanging on? 1967 submarine movie? Where you find this? Where you find this? I define this guy making these racial noises. I don't know. Oh, they're not all. I told't know. Oh, I'm curious.

Oh, I'm curious, man. It's unfair. Right, that's small. Yeah, we had a, you were, that was a very therapeutic ride that we had. Well, he was very nice. He said to me the other day, we were hanging out doing cello spots.

And I got a ride in from Nome. Nome lives right down the street for me. And I was going to take the train back, which is not a big deal. But it is kind of, it's not a big deal, but it is kinda, it's not a big deal when you think about, but when it's 11 o'clock and you're like tired, it's like, oh, fuck me. I gotta go get up to Grand Central,

find the train, get on that lonely train, and then just sit there and look at my phone, and then get off, it is kinda like fuck you. And you like, I'll give you a ride, he's going to Connecticut, and I felt bad because the way I usually go, we didn't go, we went to East Side, and every single fucking route we took was just traffic.

So much traffic. And he started talking about all the stuff he's going through in his personal life, and he had like maybe 45 an hours worth of talk. The gay stuff. But it was like, I felt bad for him. Who is this guy? This guy.

Doing this is voice. I felt bad because we was, like, there was definitely a point was again. No, I get it, Bob. And I'm still just yammering. No, what you got to do. No, I felt bad. I didn't want it to seem like I was, there's my guilt coming in.

I thought I was bugging you. Oh, not at all, dude. I love fucking philosophizing. I thought I was bugging you. Oh, not at all, dude. I'm I love fucking Philosophizing. I love talking that shit. I love Make it what's that fucking philosophizing guys? Can you stop ratting me out? No, we're trying to help you. No She has to catch me. I miss what I miss. Yeah, that's why they know about this you know $2 bell that we get so every time you miss a fuck. Yeah, you have to throw one how about a horn when Lauren's not listening to the host of the show You've given her life in a career. She's out here with her tips and gap all over the country because of you

She's not even listening. She's gonna single-handedly bring fat head back. I was actually just thinking about how Bobby really does listen And he's a good he's an amazing friend So we we we we took a long way we So we took a long way. We took a long way home. I love that. We're gonna feel like in another life we would have worked out together. You guys would have never looked up at our house.

We talked about it. We talked about it. Yes, and she has all the chin that I don't have. Yes. She's the yin to my yang. You have more forehead than I do. I'm just making a joke about our chin. Yeah, your chin is the size of his forehead. You have the opposite head.

Oh, she wrote that down for a title. Oh, shit. She wrote that down for a title. Oh, shit. She wrote that down for a title. Oh, shit. What's yours? I think Titson Gap.

The Jersey Gap. The opposite head is anal, by the way. Shut up. All right. Listen, put your head back on. Let's get back to you. Let's get back to you being a great friend. No, I think therapy is good, man. Today, I'm leaving the house and I'm in my car. I'm talking to Colin Quinn.

And I lift my left cheek up, just let out a little tooth, and I shit my pants. Oh, that's fun. That's fun. A good full one. Now, here's the problem. I was too far to go home. It was a log. Now, what if you shit your ass or your pants?

I just, I did a little squirt. Ooh. A little squirt. So from home. I was too far to go home. You know what I mean? I was past the point of going home. And it would have cost me some money

because I would have to pay for the therapy session. And then I would have had to go home. So I did what any married man would do. You call your wife and go, what do I do? I got popos in my pants. She's like, oh my God. She was just disgusted. If she sucks a guy's dick tonight,

I'm not gonna get mad. If I went home and she was just blowing neighbors, like just men with killer. Just holding up their clean on you. Yeah, just fucking callous hands from working all day. I wouldn't even, I'd be like, you know, you're right, you should. Yeah, so I went, you know, I went, I'm going to therapy, I pulled up right to a pharmacy, walked in, I bought underwear, right?

In the pharmacy? Yeah, right across from balance. There's one of those ghetto pharmacies, you know, the bodega type, they have everything, you know, nothing like CVS is that crystal clean, white person pharmacy, but then in New York, they have these great pharmacies that just have everything. Yeah, like, you get the faggot. You get the cigarettes and... Yeah, they get...

Ah, you didn't get me. I went in, but I'm doing baby wipes. Went into Allen's office, finished whatever the hell it was. I was holding on to it, finished it. It came out literally like somebody was just, it sounded like a woman peeing. Yeah, and I felt like I had a vagina. It was just squirting on my butt.

And this is the worst part. So I finish, I'm done. I clean up, grab my underwear, roll them up in paper towels, put them in the bow so nobody will find them. I clean up, put new underwear on, clean everything up, and then I spray. I'm in there for a good 25 minutes, just taking up time. And it's really exactly 12.45. I opened the door and Alan's wife is just sitting there annoyed,

because she had to pee for probably 20 of that 25 minutes. I'm just in there cleaning my asshole. Are you happy with the undies that you bought? You're gonna keep them or are they throwing? I'm keeping them in my car. I got a new, I have a chainsaw blade in my car. In case anything ever happens, I have to build some type of structure

like a lean two or something. Just the blade? Just the blade? Just the blade, you wrap up. You can wear it on your arm. No, you get key rings or rope on each side of it and you can use it as a chainsaw, like a saw. I bet you could just buy a chainsaw. Yeah, but I'm gonna carry a chainsaw.

I have that in my car if something happens, I can, if the car flips over, we get stranded, like misery, I can live in the woods and build a structure. Okay. And I have underwear and baby wipes if I shit my pants again. I bet he used the baby wipes before the chainsaw. Yeah.

Well, anyways, I went to therapy today. Therapy today, not every week, you know, that's the problem with therapy. This, it's as good as you make it. Yes. It's as good as, as, as, it's up to you how much you're going to open up. It's up to you how deep you're gonna yet.

You know how there's some shit that you just get used to that like, this is just how I think. This is just like what I you know like I get angry over. Remember we were driving and I got pissed at a guy and you're like are you pissed at him and I'm like are you pissed at him? Would you say I'm like Hulk trying to be I said you're the Hulk trying to be Bill Bixby. I'm trying to reverse anger. I was speaking of fucking anger. What do you how are you late? I was in watch. Don't fall dumb dumb nobody wants to see a middle-aged you fall All right, we're starting off good. That was nice. All right listen. Hello What why you late? I was in Washington DC

Chocolate today hanging out with black comics. What were you doing? I did a private yes, they at the Trump National Oh, I saw the photo. Yeah, you like that photo. I did like it. I didn't physically like it But I personally liked it. So they gave me a tour and it was a... It's the locker room and he's got his own locker, so I took a picture in front of him. Was it something for Trump?

Are you a Republican? Yeah, I turn Republican. Finoia is clearly a Republican. Don't give it to the guy in the wheelchair. And there was a few little thoughts that I was like, I got a little insight to you. Yeah, it's bringing to Ireland. Don't give it to a wheelchair guy then the other one What was the other person the first one you were like back to her? Yeah, yeah, it was just complain

Vandalism That was mean so you You just come public in yeah, I got off the plane dropped my stuff off and came ready. Oh, okay Well, how you doing Lenny good. I'm doing we. We were talking about a couple of things we were talking about. First, do you want to see the new sticker? Oh, yeah, you do. Let's see. I do. I want to see the new sticker. I'm gonna pay to pretty penny by the way. There it is. Put it up. Come on. It's right there on the bottom. Right. The new sticker. Man, man, man, that's the sticker. That's gonna be just that. That's all we need. I don't want my name on it. I just the sticker. That's going to be just that.

That's all we need. I don't want my name on it. I just want that. I want that huge head before it goes out though. Can you change the face at all? Yeah, we can change the face. Yeah, Bobby get the other one. Yeah, get a girl in the other one.

I take back that we were meant to be. That was joking. Show us the other one. I like the other one. Huh? Not that one. I take back that we were meant to be. That was joking. Show us the other one. I like that one. Huh? No, not that one. I showed the laughable one real quick.

There you go. We got this one. Oh, yeah. That's the laughable one. We're actually doing a big show. When's that show? The face looks acceptable in this one. The 22nd at the village underground.

You're doing it. I'm there, dog. Gary Galman's doing it too. All right, the go. I'm the adog. Gary Galman's doing it too. All right, the gull. I'm seeing the gull. I'm so excited to see Gary. Buy tickets at comedyseller.com and there you go. Where is it?

So I really do love that laughable app by the way. It is really good. It's killer. It's amazing. If you're into podcasting, laughable is the best app out there. It's taken over everything. And all your stuff is on that. But here's the thing.

Now today's episode when it comes out, you go to it. It will say, oh, Lenny Marcus is on that. But here's the thing. Now, today's episode when it comes out, you go to it, it will say, oh, Lenny Marcus is on it. People can click on you. Every podcast you've ever been on comes up. They can ignore that. So everybody likes it but you. Yeah.

Anyways, Lenny, we're talking about therapy. Lenny's an anti-therapy. I'm not an anti-therapy. I just don't go to therapy. Right. But you, that sounds very anti-therapy the way you said that no Why what all right? Let me ask you a question. No need for therapy. Okay. No need first of all you're out of you all fucking mind

Fine, I I beg to differ stage one. We're Bobby picks a fight Yep And learn missed another fucking two by the way Everybody you can't wrap me out everybody in therapy first thing out of their mouth you should go to therapy That's not true. Absolutely. I don't say that. I don't say that.

I don't say that. I don't say that. I don't say that. I don't say that. I don't say that. I don't say that. I don't say that. I don't say that.

I don't say that. I don't say that. I don't say that. I don't say that. No, I hit it. All right, well, with my big chin. Oh, jeez. You really do have a knee chin.

I have a knee chin reaction. What do you say? do have a niche in. Hi. A niche in reaction. What do you say? It's attraction rather than promotion. Yes. What? Attraction rather than promotion. Does that's to do with Lauren's thing? No.

What I'm saying, we're attracted to her. She's never getting promoted. She's getting the other photo, right? I got it. All right, well let's check it out. This is the other one. What about this one, right? Oh, it. All right, well let's check it out. This is the other one. What about this one, right? Oh yeah, I think this is the one.

Oh, no, no, the one with the face. Yeah, I think that's it. Oh, that's fun. That's fun. That's it. That's the new sticker. It's very photoshoppable. Yeah.

Yeah, totally. Stuff and stuff. Yeah, plus the gap isn't as big. Jesus. What? What? This is no way to treat. Why don't you have the full shoe in there? We want to see the show. I don't want to see the show is the full shoe in there No, no, I like it because you had to fit that massive head in there. Yeah, really

My family calls me a bobble head. Oh my god. You really do just have a massive I was 10 pounds four ounces of My nine of it was noggin. No, yeah, yeah, you squeeze that out. Yeah, I'll take that towel. That was like our head coming out of our mom's veg. That was a full flat tire, but you ran over something. Yeah. That's a new stick.

Just leave that up, leave that up, leave that up, leave that up, leave that up. I like it. We're gonna get fat heads made, Lenny. Big ones. Life size. On I like it, I like it. We're gonna get fat heads made, Lenny. Big ones, life size, on the wall. On this, it's just called head. That's the head. It's gonna go on the wall?

No, it's gonna be going my room. Lenny, am I ceiling? Yeah. Here's a problem with it. Promotion rather than... No, no, not that. I think that I know you, I know that you have issues. You have things that you deal with.

But what is it that you just deal with them? Yeah. Yes. So you have a problem with you. How do you evolve? Do you evolve or you just stay the same? Have you become a better person over the years? Yeah.

Let me in the last five years. I'd say, I get, yeah, I mean, I got married, so I'd be able to deal probably with the opposite sex, better. Uh-huh. Is that help? I don't. But what about people?

I think what people's skills are pretty high, to be honest with you. Really? Yes. I'm probably not thinking you're pleased to lose it. I hope, really? Now I'm kidding. So you don't think you have a problem.

None. It at all. None, not the happiest person I know. Do you drink? No. Do you smoke? No. Use drugs.

No. Have you ever been with a hooker? No. Yes, that's a yes. You lied. You just lied. I didn't lie. I've never been with a hooker.

I couldn't get within 10 feet of a stripper. I wouldn't... You don't go to strip clubs? Never. Ever? I've been to two. One Tom Codd was bachelor party, and one of my, like, this guy, Neil, my friend, Neil's bachelor party.

And what did you do with the strip? What did you do there? I stood behind the bar as this all happened over there and made drinks for people. So you didn't do anything? So you're closeted gay? No, I always say I had these awful things growing up. Parents. Yeah, they straighten you out.

Yeah, sounds like they did a good job. Yeah. Yeah, they did too good of a job. Yeah, never seen my see you guys like, it's all the mess that you guys are in. I'm like, what's with your parents? Come on. I mean, is it your parents or is it totally?

Do you think it's the parents? Your whole issue is parental. Hardly, my total is. Our therapist says think it's the parents? Your whole issue is parental. Our total is. Our therapist says that it's all learned behavior. I thought I had a hereditary anxiety problem and he said there's like bipolar and maybe schizophrenia is like a hereditary thing but other than that, everything's learned.

I think I might be bipolar. I think everybody is and it's normal if you are but it's just when it's how much I don't think everybody is. Definitely not. Definitely not. He's not get. I don't think everybody is. No, that's, I should definitely not. He's not bipolar. He's not bipolar at all. I'm moody.

He's, but he's the most sensitive guy I know. He's never, I never seen Joe snap. I've seen him snap emotionally, but not like fuck you. Like I do. Bipolar I think is a thing that we're like, we're all bipolar is like saying, how did he kill himself? His life was great. Like it's a thing that we're like we're all bipolar is like saying like how did he kill himself his life was great Like it's an understanding that we don't like bipolar is like two different human beings. I think I think if someone's bipolar

It's like I think the fuck happened there. I think my mother could be I thought that was schizophrenic where you become so I just mean yeah Whatever I guess like my point is like if you're always like Perfectly like middle and apathetic and not like that's the weirdest. You know what I mean? Like you got to feel the highs and the lows. And he has no highs and no lows. He's right down the middle. No, Yankees Wendy's probably coming on his coach.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's my wife. This guy. I just dad tried to add a home run. Yeah. I mean, this is personal. And I'm sorry for you.

You can ask me. Do you like sex? Yeah. Like do you get? I'm not saying that. Yes. Do you like? I mean, do you like when you have? Are you just you talk at all? You don't talk to you. I talk if the whatever she wants. Okay. So she talks to you. I just couldn't imagine trying to be as giving as possible in that situation. But it's so if I'm like, ah, do you like that?

And what do you say? Not to you, I'm not answering. But do you say? But if you say, if I'm not answering, if you say, if she says, do you like that? Yeah. How would you answer that? Yeah, baby, I do. Oh, that's great.

I don't know. I will. I'll take notes next time. I don't. So you'll take notes next time. I don't. So you have talked dirty. Yeah. But have you initiated it? Hmm. Yeah, I think I've been initiated along the way.

I don't know that Gina and I. So you haven't done it with Gina? You've done it with other girls. You've done it with other girls. I'm not. No, I can't talk about this. Why? Because my wife loves you.

Listen to this show. She's going to get me in trouble. But she's not, but it's before her. Yeah, she still does want to hear this stuff. Oh, she does want to hear it. She, she get mad about the one girl. She does want to. My wife should get mad.

My wife should have every disease there is. Well, the positive. The pussy should fucking follow. You like to probably tell her stories like, and then there was this other girl, you know what I mean You like to go through the litany of I just can't I look I can't keep it in you love sharing these stories I like sharing. Yeah, I'm a share. I'm not a share. Yeah, I know that's why you should therapy you fucking psych about it No, I'm not a share is like personal information that probably was at part two Son don't share it. Sorry, I made you dad Catholic.

So don't share anybody. It's not a bad damn business. Is that what he's to say? Probably. Yeah, like I, my father escaped World War II. So we don't, we never talked about it. We never ever. Because it's not, he goes, it's basically,

it's over a little bit, that it's over. I got as enough detail. You have enough details. Right. And then it was dressed drilled into me. It was a heart. Did you have a number? No, he escaped. He didn't go to the camps. His whole rest of his family died in camps. Oh my god. So like growing up with that, you kind of learn like not to not dirty sexually. To respect. Yeah, you got a lot of the shit on your plate. Yeah, this that you got, you know, there are other things. There were worse things in the world. That was one of them. One of the things. That's probably the worst. Well, I mean, I'm saying like anything that happened to me, like, you stopped your toe. Like you know, the ball hits in the finger. You're not dying. You know, like, this is all I have a lot of that. You know, it's like, there's always gonna be something worth. So I don't really get that crazy low or crazy,

you know, because I wish, I wish I wasn't as fucking crazy so that was fucking she was reaching before. I wish you knew how to see your face was twitching. Was that for the curse or crazy? I just gave $167 away for my cursing show. Charity, not well, no, just fans. So I guess yeah. I wish you weren't what.

I think I want to raise Max a healthy sexually and I don't want to, I was not raised healthy sexually. I was not taught a thing about sex. Max is so far ahead of what you were like. I know. So he's you need to stop worrying about that stuff. He's already smarter than you. He's already had a better childhood.

I know, I know that, but sexually, I want, I don't want to stifle him. Well, he shouldn't be fucking for another three or four years. I mean, yeah, when did kids fuck now? Like I don't remember like I fuck the 10 yeah A lot of kids do anal now, you know first a lot of kids do anal now first. Where are you from no? So they don't get pregnant. That's I know how that works You said it to me like you can get pregnant

Jesus Christ. I'm trying to get pregnant for last six months. All right. I'll take the mom Nobody I know cuz it didn't are. I didn't get it. Nobody got it. I know, because it didn't make sense. Of course it did. It was a gay joke on myself. It's never fun. I don't know.

I just. You're plenty of time. So what are you worried about? You have a solid. You don't have to do it alone, either. To 10 years of this. He might be gay too. He's probably either. To 10 years of this. You might be enjoying the kid now when he's tiny. He's probably gay, he's got long hair.

Shut up, it doesn't cut his hair. Listen, here's the problem is though, you don't have kids, you don't have kids, you don't have kids. When you have a kid and I'm telling you, all you worry about is the fucking kid's future. Okay, that's all you worry about. Kids future, I'm not worried when he's four about his sex life.

Now you do. No. But I am, I'm worried, because, you know, I know I'm not supposed to live my childhood through my kid, I understand that. But I'm worried about the day. I don't want him to, I gotta read some books on this, because I just don't wanna reveal too much to him.

But I don't wanna shout to him too much either. I don't wanna be some asshole. I don't, I think that you are a little repressed. Okay, well, let's your opinion. Is that, do you, I mean, can you, I mean, give me a little slack on that? I'll give you a little slack because I don't wanna give away that information. You know what I mean? I'm not as forthcoming that. I'll give you a little slack because I don't want to give away that information.

You know what I mean? I'm not as forthcoming as a lot of comics as far as on stage or off stage. For us coming on our tits. Yeah. I like that hit. Are you a dirty talker? A little bit. Yeah, I like dirty talk. I like it. But it's awkward because Sarah and I were both comedians and we're both cynical, so it's weird. It's hard. You know, you'll be on our act next week. Yeah, and then also, it's awkward because Sarah and I were both comedians and we're both cynical, so it's weird. It's hard.

You know, you'll be on our act next week. Yeah, and then also it's just like everything silly. I like my husband. It's like she goes, you got a great ass. You got a great ass. Yeah, exactly. It's nerve-wracking and it's like a weird thing. My husband tried dirty talking with me, but he panicked, so he said, I don't know. I felt weird going, yeah, I love that carrot.

Wow. Wow. Wow. That's just $1. The other day, I'm doing this in my act now already. She's about to be having sex, and I said, I went, fuck me, and she went, I am. And I was like, yeah, no, I know that. I was rhetorical.

I was trying to root you off. I wasn't, I'm aware. That's funny. So, yeah, sometimes, you know, it's hard. It's also hard when you're both sober, it's hard to do. When you're drunk, you're like, yeah, fucking suck my ass, you fag. But when you're sober, it's, it's with your wife, right? Yeah, I'm very angry. It's a great time.

It does, it does. But when you're, you know, so, and But when you're married, it's weird or too, because you have to, it ends and then you're like, all right, let's go continue watching, you know, Fuller House. It's the weird, you have to continue to be with the person. And then you're sitting there just remembering what you said.

Yeah, that's awkward. Yeah, like, oh shit, sorry. Yeah, hey, can you pass me the grapes? Right. Right. So it's a little tricky. You might say, shit off your fingers first? But I have, this is my problem in therapy.

I live my life in my head. All the things in my head, I have to start putting outside. And that's what anxiety, that's why I'm real with anxiety. I'm having arguments in my head and discussions in my head constantly. I want to actually, I'm standing, writing these arguments I have by myself in my car. I've been writing them down as sketches, like a scene,

because I wanna film one day just all, I have full-fledged arguments with people. Yeah, yeah. That sometimes they don't exist. Like I never met them. Like I made them up, like a cab driver that doesn't exist. Sometimes they're real people, and I'm in the car, fucking,

and sometimes I call people. Like I'll be in the middle of calling somebody, and it'll remind me of somebody else, and I'll start having the argument, like, mother fuck, you can't tell me. You know, who do you think you are? Nobody gets that. Nobody, and the people are like, hello,

and I'm like, hey, hey, hey. And I'm like, you, what's up. And I'm like, you what's up? Just, you know, just messing around, you know. It's getting bad. I do it all the time. I'm furious constantly at people. You never have arguments outside, like by yourself, and your head would be like, no, I do,

but that's when, you know, I, any of that anger, you catch yourself doing that and you realize it's irrational. And then you think about the Holocaust. You deal with it, right? No, but then you take that anger and I use it on stay. What I'm angry on stay, I let that all out. They're in that session. I can't, it looks stage is good, but it's not, that does not my rage.

Because you have so much pent up rage from your, from past. Hard. I don't have that past, hard, I didn't live that life. This is what I'm trying to get out of my therapist though is that I get mad. It's like Let's how am I getting rid of this shit? You know like all these other guys get I know guys that get to take medication

For their rage or their whatever the hell of their emotions and it mellows the ease of evens them out. I don't do that I don't get to he keeps telling me you shouldn't do that. We got to keep doing this. I have a question for what is really At this point you've been there for so long you like Joe seems to know what's really bugging and where the root of this problem is Do you know do you get this? I'm almost done. I got two more stations. I'm clean, baby I'm almost done. I got two more stations. I'm clean, baby. Do you get that, like, you've been at this, so you know these problems that you have? So just, can you stop worrying about, just live the life right now as Robert Kelly?

Yeah, I don't know. Right. I don't know. I've been at Attic my whole life, and I don't want to use it in an excuse. I don't, and I've had fans, like, people do, you just got to do this, and you just got to do that. And it's like, excuse, I don't. And I've had fans like, people do, you just gotta do this and you just gotta do that. And it's like, that sounds great. Yeah, but nobody knows. But it's like, I don't know the tools you're working with,

you know what I mean? I have terrible, I have insane guilt. I'm constantly feel guilty. And it's because, I know it's because of my old man. Like I know it's because my dad, like said a couple things when I was young. And now I constantly feel guilty any time I'm and this is the most selfish

Profession really when you're starting, you know what I mean like you kind of have to Start from scratch and just build your way up and I constantly felt guilty about it about what about this It's just going for yeah, like not a guaranteed paycheck and not like a nine to five like your parents did What about the other side like you're following this crazy dream that I know I know that but that's the conflict that's the constant but when it's a comment you know the answer to this so let the other part go well I wish it was that easy acceptance that's it all it you read you read Buddhism and you go to uh you know it's the 12 step programs and you go to

therapy everyone it's just acceptance how to do that is that that's the issue yeah exactly my son asked he wants to my ask my wife this morning he wants to be jewish your son yeah he wants to be jewish you will they walk by a senator vat what does he does he pay

he's back to the ever reason of jewish name max I have a What he does Why don't you want that? He's He's To have a reason. Jewish name Max It's not it's not Max when you say it like that's more German to me. It's Matt look at me look at me. It's Maximus.

Okay, that's Roman Catholic. My grandmother Alright, my grandmother went like that. Oh, here we go. I go like this. I go with name of the max goes now that's Jewish. I went excuse me. She goes Has to be a saint.

Sean Peter Paul. And I was like, Michael, I will not call him Max. That's Jewish. And I had to go on the internet and we found St. Maximus. St. Maximus. And he was a martyr and it's a Roman patron saint. The decline bench. And we found him and we had to print it out and she read it,

she goes, I'll call him Max. Okay, one, I was just joking. Two, it'll be okay. But it is. But he was a bit grandma. Do what me and my wife don't go to church. I'm very spiritual. I have a spirituality that saved my life.

It's mine. I don't push it out of the people. But I use it in my life constantly to help guide me on, you know, I believe there's no gray area. There's right and wrong. And people want to find that middle area and it doesn't exist. It's right or wrong. It's your values.

You think there's no gray area? You've never seen my dad pantsless. So we, um, Thank you, Lenny. I don't think you need therapy. You're perfectly well adjusted. I think that, um, you know, it's like, what am I going to do with my kid? Am I going to? Do I make him religious? Do I get? Do I tell that's kind of as we were forced into religion? We were for you were forced into being a Jew Apparently, yeah, well Jew is different. Yeah, that's like a Jew is like a thing Yeah, I didn't get a choice on this one. You can't like kind of

We'll you don't choose your name and you don't choose that religion really until you Me and my wife is not religious whatsoever. I don't go can I ask you why the kid decided I'm dying and you walk by. Oh, and he's like, I like that. That'll pass. He doesn't want to be a Jew. You just said that. Yeah. I understand that. When a cloud looks like he probably wants to let you know, buddy, I understand that I brought it up in reference to that what it should should I make? Should I give him all options of religion? Make sure it doesn't walk by a guy. I should not. No, religion is just, it doesn't need religion. Just teach him your own spirituality. He'll ask about God. You tell him what you think and you say to make your own decisions. Yeah, yeah. It open ended questions. That's a good way to

parent. Be like, what do you think about God? But you have to explain it to go, you know, and then you just let him because some people are religious to go, well, these people believe that God is a cult leader with that fucking.. What do you write on it? I think God is the marshmallow man from Ghostbusters. You're wrong, you got Roman Helmaxe. You got Roman Helmaxe. I tend to think, you're talking to you the other night about all your stuff. You don't want to talk about what's going on.

I mean, in a roundabout way, I wouldn't get too into it. My shit with living with, you know, being a way, like living separate, with thinking of my wife. It's, we've talked about it a bunch here. I think with this whole therapy thing is, I just want someone to talk to. I just want someone to talk to about it. I'm not looking for like the golden key of like,

how do I solve all my guilt and whatever, but this thing is just like, I don't know who the hell to talk to or where to start for Christ's sake, you know? It's not a fun hang to talk about. You know what I mean? It's a heavy topic. Yeah, I was fucking really bullshitting.

It was awful. I know. When I got home, I woke my wife up and I'm like, God, listen to this. Hold me. You want to sleep deeper? Let me tell you this fucking story. I know.

It's all just about, yeah, I just get off my chest. People who carry it around. People who don't know, you and your wife live separately. Right. You live in the city, she lives in Connecticut. Once a week, you drive back up there. Mm-hmm.

And I live with it. And it's been happening for three years. Yeah, yeah. Three and a half. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. No, that one. And that is some crazy shit.

Yeah. I'm away from my chick for three days, and I'm like, oh, I gotta see you. As soon as I see her, I wanna leave again. But, can you take a, have you done the max? You got it. Ah. Oh, yeah.

That is the good thing. And it's so cool. You want meatballs? What do you want me to love? I'm just. Yeah, that sounds awful. Yeah, the choice of food. The choice of food.

It's a painly the ass, Joe. I would love if I came home with my wife. It's like, do you want meatballs and fruit loops? Yeah. That's all you want? I thought it was a comical option. No one is able to enjoy it. This is what we thought about it.

Put that on your microphone. That's healthy. It was after his dad's great dick. Or, no, the great dick I let slack as Lenny laughed at it it was so bad it was funny Yeah, I like it was funny. He's got great pubic care. Yeah, we know we got it. We just didn't like it Yeah, he likes it cuz he doesn't need therapy You know, all fucked up in the head. Yeah, Lauren's half asleep over there Lauren hates the show Can I just point that out?

I can't look it over she's staring at her diet coke. She's missed my fuck. Diet coke. I have not. Bobby was in a very serious topic and didn't want. And he did not say fuck. I think Joe's on to something. I think you're done with the show. She hates it.

That's so mean. Joe. It's not mean. I've seen her on the ship. Chip show. She's literally like this. No chip. No.

Whatever you want. Chip. I'm laser focused on what I'm doing over here. All right. I'm laser focused on the new sticker. Yeah. I love it. I love it. I can't wait to laser focus on it. That chord looks like a tampon. All right, we're done with the paper. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not.

No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not.

No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not? I could buy it back. No done. No Lauren come on. I'm just gonna look it up on my phone back up. Welcome back to tampon.

I leave it up. I like looking at it. It calms me down. Yeah me too. Shut up Mike. Will you stop making a creepy blowing it man. Yeah you're blowing it. That's a new sticker. It's gonna be in Dublin on a famous landmark. I'm gonna be on a Guinness bike. It's gonna be in Dublin on a famous landmark. It's gonna be on a Guinness point. There's a homeless man's gonna jerk off to me. I'm not homeless. I have a place. All right, listen.

Here's the problem, Lenny. Yes. I think a guy like you needs therapy. Do you know what? See, that passive aggressive... It's so annoying. Why? Why haven why I need therapy. You think you got to tell everyone how to live.

Thank you. He's very happy over here. Yeah, he just did a corporate gig for Donald Trump. Yeah. Well, did you? No, St. Jude. That's a good one. That's a nice one.

That's a good one. Did you give the money back? No. You're not a bad guy. Yeah, you're a therapy. Yeah, I told you. I grew up Jewish. What are you guys nuts?

Did you go to therapy. Yeah, I got you. I grew up Jewish. What are you guys nuts? Did Jews go to therapy? Yeah, they all are. They're the therapy. I wish people don't go to therapy. Black, black guys do not go to therapy. They can't afford it. Colt pays. What do you know? It's been in therapy for like 80 years. That's true. Comments. Yeah, I guess you're right. Black, would Jewish people know tons. I Jewish people be with that? No, times. Black people don't go to therapy though. Black people do not do therapy.

They work it out on their own. Yeah, they work it out. Well, Jesus Christ, I thought you focused this guy over here. Yeah, what are you trying to be funny? I should be funny. I should be funny. We are, we're trying to be funny,

but Jesus, in the parameters of funny. They were getting out of their own. They, a lot of them probably should be in therapy. And a lot of them don't have access to therapy. That's not true. You were to turn nerd around. Don't you think? I mean, I think this acts now.

I mean, probably back in the 70s, maybe, you couldn't get out. Now, everybody works on a sliding scale. I guess it's the guy we go to works on a sliding scale. I think a lot is the guy we go to works on a sliding scale. I think a lot of the population, if you go to like, you know, Bushwick or East New York and these poorer unfortunate neighborhoods, they're not going, there's no one there to go. Hey, there's a therapist office on the Upper West. You can go. It doesn't mean black guys listening right now.

I want you to call in 917-261-6831-917-261-683117 261 6831. Colin right now, I want to know. Share. If we have any black listeners, which we have a lot of black listeners, by the way, hey, you know, I'm very proud of that. I want 7261. I am.

I am. Does he think everybody says my show's a bunch of fucking Mike Fionus? Finoa, you don't know. I know. Also, we're being very, very change it. We're a lot of generalizing here too. I mean, there's a fucking 10 million black people in the country.

How are we going to know? Trust me. Thousands of black people in therapy. We just have to get the music in the background of the car first. 917-261-6831. And if we don't, if it's a white guy calling up pretending to be black, who cares? You think in those neighborhoods though, like that are, like, unfortunate? If we don't, if it's a white guy calling up pretend to be black, who cares? You think in those neighborhoods though, like that are bad that are like unfortunate regardless of color, you can probably go to like your church, right, and talk to like a

a priest. But that's what that's what you have to go to. Do you understand? But do you understand that that's what religion was based on? You go and you confess your sins. It makes you feel better. Right. You, um, you can talk to the priest when you want. You go to church, you confess your sins. It makes you feel better. You can talk to the priest when you want it. You go to church, you hear positive stuff. That's what AA was invented on one person with the same problem relating to another person with the same problem. But it's two people being honest with each other in a neutral place where it's safe. You can't go tell your wife or your buddy your problems because that could come back to want you

But a guy that has the same problem as you you can tell and that's what therapy That's why I think therapy is healthy for me. It's a place I can go in a neutral and sell I tell him everything There are no secrets which he knows all my fucked up shit except that you have shitty undies in the trash can right now I didn't I didn't tell him that stop ratting me out. I didn't rat you out. She misses it. She misses it. No, you're not trying to help. All right, we got a phone call here. All right. Hello. Yo, yo, you're live. We live. Okay. How are you doing, buddy? You're on the YKWD. What's your name? Where you from? Turn it down a little bit. Shane. He's black. I don't think he is? Where you from? What's up? My name is Shane. I'm trying to tell you a little bit. Shane, he's black. I don't think he is.

Are you black? I am super duper fucking chocolatey, yes. Well, you sound white now. That's not black. Well, let's prove. Wait, is the weightest plaque I ever? Okay, okay. Well, let's prove it, then. What's your favorite rap song?

Too long. Probably brawman by Rothmart Siano, but you guys with that uh... what's your favorite raps on uh... problem problem and by rock martiano uh... you guys find a better than that and then the hipster whatever okay uh... is your mother and father both black uh... yet and they're very disappointed me now where's your father from uh... we're from pitchburg was your mother from

uh... it's very good well We're from Pittsburgh was your mother from Yeah, who's your favorite black leader black comedian no leader Yeah, why it's the white It's been Rathlisburg. This is a black test. This is your black You got a better test. No, there's no better test. What's your favorite black? Here you go. What's your favorite food? Uh, Kepha. Yeah, he can.

You're wise. What's the matter with you? You want what do you a college kid? You want to know I'm like a rock musician and the comedian person. I'm asking his question. I mean ask him. What are you? Who cares what his They want a blackout you know you want a thug you want to know I don't want to thug Can you All right cool, that's great. Go ahead and ask a question I'm gonna be back now. Cool, that's great.

Go ahead and now ask a question. I hate this. This is horrible. Wait, we asked him to call. What's our question? No, I asked him to call up and give his thoughts on therapy. I wanted to know, but he goes to therapy because he's white black.

So he doesn't, he's feeling guilty that he's white black. Do you believe in therapy? I went to therapy for a while. I was trying to get some cool drugs out of it but they weren't giving me any cool drugs. I was like, no, but I did Stanford for a while and tried to get some cool drugs out of it, but they weren't giving me any cool drugs. I was like, no, but I did go for a while because my girlfriend was not giving me any go. Okay, what was your problem?

She thought that I was crazy because I talked to myself a lot and I tend to do weird stuff, I don't know. I like talking to my penis sometimes and stuff like that don't know I like talking my penis sometimes stuff like that But she was like I think you will create these up Yeah, you sound fucking nuts Did you see that picture Lauren? What do you think I think it's great? Did you talk to your enormous penis? Yeah, what's that? This is how we know. I saw my digit with like, right, like, 8.3 inches. I was like 15.

I'm 18.3. 15. At 15. All right. Well, thanks for calling in. You know, we're just looking for a little blacker. All right. I apologize. Double digits. You know, thank you, brother. Thanks for listening. Go ahead. Who else is on the line? So eight who uses point three with inches. Wow when you have eight just say eight not a black guy. Yeah, that's all you have to do is say a Indian hello Hey, what's up? Who's this what's your name? Where you from? Well, yeah Thank you tyrone. What shit. Yeah! Thank you Tyrone.

What's up brother? Tyrone. What happened? Did you hang up on Tyrone? No. He's called from jail. Tyrone. He was wasting his one phone call for a month.

You can't hear Tyrone. Tyrone. Tyrone is the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around.

He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first one to go around. He was the first it Tyrone what's up buddy. How are you? You fucking hung up on me. No, we didn't we didn't I can't say the f word. We didn't hang up on you. I'm on you with the phone just messed up Tyrone. Where you from buddy? Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Okay, what planet are you from? No, he's doing chip. Oh, he's doing chip. Yeah, where you from? No, he's doing chip. Oh, he's doing chip. Yeah, where are you from?

Oh, I don't think Tyrone was black. I think he just wanted to say he was not black. He was just a shitty, chipped listener. Because he was a little too black. Yeah, I'm actually, this is what happens when you mix your worlds. I will, hey, Tyrone, we're going to cancel the chip podcast. Because I'm not. I how they been black and white when you say mix the word.

And I have them under contract, he can't do a podcast anywhere else. Chip, Chibbos and Jim Nore, I can do no. This is why we gotta build that booth that, you know, for the tech, you know, for the producer to screen the calls. Oh, yeah. Becca, Becca, Becca.

Chip is so, Liz and Jim is, it sucks. That is what comes on. He loves me to come up because Gina. Enough about fucking chip. Look how whipped up she gets when she talks about, Joe. Look at how fucked up she gets when she talks about chip. She's hyper aware now. Yeah, but she have to our therapy talk.

She'll be snoozing. Well, like most of my own, do you go to therapy Lauren? I do not. I've never been a therapy. I probably do need it though. Yeah. I'm Italian Catholic. She's got fucking... Yeah, she's a her titsie.

I'm hanging out over the... Go! She's divorced. I can't believe you question. Yes. Honestly, God. You took this picture. You knew what we were going to do with it.

Yeah. Why you, you're not really... I'm just acting shy. You're acting. It's all acting. Because you know you look great in that. Yeah, I do. I'm glad I took it because I'm 30 and I'm probably never gonna look like this ever again

that's up to you. I was banged by fucking Dave Smith. That fucking gap is gonna get bigger and bigger. He's a Jew. It's gonna be the San Francisco gap. Are you dating Dave Smith? Oh shit. The San Francisco gap.

I didn't know it's the bigger bridge. I don't know is that a thing? I don't know hey like it's like we let it go. I don't know I don't think you did I think you just call me out everyone else just sat there Well, it's gonna be the San Francisco gap like that's a big famous thing. What do you mean the store? Hey man? They let it go cuz it like your original gap might be the San Francisco Apple store give me the fuck a bug Give me the fucking bug. Give me the pen. You need the doesn't even make sense.

Bandana. At least I'm trying. I'm swinging. I'm like, fuck it. I'm lame, Lenny. I'm making race jokes. I'm making it weird with Lauren. I'm fucking, I get that.

That's why you have to go to therapy right there. Why? She took your anger out on me. That's what anger's supposed to be. Oh, no, no. No. I'm going to more constructively. I'm going gonna break that finger. Yeah, that sound. Oh Gonna break that little point that I do that to you but break my finger no deflected onto you no

Bobbi did it done it never you've done it I Would never be a third part. Oh well the last time you're on this podcast you did it. Oh, but Bobby The last time on you on this podcast you did it. Oh, but Bobby the last time on you were on this podcast you did it Yeah, remember last time it was bad you're bad. Yeah And you were you deflected shit onto me I'm bad He went to therapy Didn't help that's good one. I'm excited about like Lauren. was good one. I'm excited about it.

I'm excited about it, Bobby. Are you going to the same therapist? Yeah, I'm starting next week. Oh, he's great. I really can't wait. I want to know everything about every comic. He's very funny. Are you going to the same guy too?

Yeah, I've been, I've been referred to him by two or three comics. You just say me. Don't mention my name. I referred everybody. Yeah, you did. I will give Dustin Schaeffin the original, but I my name. I referred everybody. Yeah, you really did I will give dust and shafen Original but I yeah, I referred everybody. Yeah, I'm taking claim for that dude. I was the first one Don't I gotta tell everybody though. I've been in therapy for 25 years. Don't you were the first one I was the people on that. I've been there. I'm in there for like not eight years now

You go every week for eight years how about I agree with like when are you finished? He said I'm a lifer. See that's just a marketing. He said I'm a lifer. And he goes away every August for a month and all the shit we've done for that year. He turns into it. That's what I'm getting married.

I need up. What? I need him getting married in a little he fucking trying to finish my sentence. Now everybody just yapped over the end of it. Well, you just dropped a bomb on me. What? He's leaving during my wedding month.

I need to talk to him like 10 minutes before. Yeah, he's gone. He's not gonna be there. Does he do phoneers this guy? Can you talk to him on the phone? Certain ones of us have his phone number for when he goes away in August. Some of us don't.

Oh my God. Wow, you will not. You will not. All right. Well, just because you're new Got it. So you'll have to go to me and then I'll call him for you Just tell it with a total phone it. I don't know you right when is it when does it end? That's the thing is it just become an addiction after a while

If you're an addictive person you're addicted to therapy. Yep. Wow Wow, Fenoya drops a fucking bomb on Bobby. To be continued. We'll be right back. I'll see you guys later. Enjoy this video of Lauren getting fucked by Dave's. Dave said, play it. No.

What if I just had a video? You should have a day bomb. Lewis in the black ground going blah, blah, blah, blah. You should have a day bomb every week. Because eventually they're going to break up. It's going to be horrible. And you'll have to be able to have a day bomb again. No, I don't come on. I won't get it. Dude, as soon as they break up. It's going to be horrible. You'll have to be able to have Dave on again. No, I don't know. I won't go.

Dude, as soon as they break up, Dave sit right next door. Are you crazy? Just put Dave's head on that body. New stickers, when Lauren leaves. How was the special? Did you go? Uh, it's June 1st. Didn't you do the Creek Theater? Oh, they did a warm-up. Yeah.

Did you go to that? No, that wasn't. It's not until like May 28th. Well, where is he doing a special? The Triad Theater? Oh, that wasn't. It's not until like May 28th. Where is he doing his special? The triad theater. Oh, that's a nice thing. Yeah, right near your house. Love it. I want to show you a couple videos real quick.

Let's move on from there. I think we're done with it. Anyway, I'm excited about that. Did I swear? No, you didn't. I hit it back. Will you stop hitting it? That's the second time you've hit it by accident.

Do you get money back if she hits back? Yeah, I get $2 back if you hit it by accident You're taking money of that poor guy's pocket one poor guy. It doesn't exist yet I don't mark. I'll tell you what oh, that's right. The guilt. Let's all go back to therapy. I need it Oh, I want one of these we should watching videos. We should get this for wait wait wait what did you guys see those stupid Do you see those stupid spinny fucking things? Yeah? Yeah, buddy. I had one first of all don't like I had one first. I have it in the car The whole ride home the other night when I was talking to you

I had one and you saw it and I told you about it. That's a steering wheel Yeah, I was sitting there flicking it. You like what's that? That's a fidget spending you like since that since you showed me Yeah, I've been seeing it all over and do you know people said that it's like supposedly Cures ADD it yeah, right so stupid. It's a fucking toy. Yeah, they stink It's a first of all bearing up fidget spinners, please I have one and I love it How the hell does it cure you love it? You just sit and go you know what it is Lenny? This is awesome. They're fucking I don't know what it is But it's something soothing about it. It's just it's therapeutic. Fidget spend the therapeutic right that therapeutic

You need to spell that. It seems so silly isn't it? So listen, I guess the thing with this was the lady had a Pothari Oh, click on the third one the third one. Okay. It's so That's not it. It's so they just tell you that and so then you go. It's therapeutic once someone tells you You just go. Yeah, it's therapeutic. I don't know I it really that's it. I love anything that's therapeutic But it's like a shitty guitar sound No, you don't even push a button that That's just a bearing and you spin plastic. Maybe you guys curious a D. Yeah A little bit for your boots. Well, no that one is that's hilarious. That's the one you had in the car

No, that's not the one I had in my car. Go back to the other guys just give up therapy get two of them one free Top on yeah, that's what you need before you white Do you take this woman? You know, it's funny. It's like, yes, I guess that they're taking these away from kids at school. And we started talking about like, what was the thing that you had? Every kid had a thing in school. We had these, the snap bracelets was like a thing that you were. And then we used to play the stupid game with pencils called combination where like,

you would hold a pencil like this and I would take one and snap the did you play that we grew up kind of near each other I never had that snap and pencils. They were called the combination. You know when I used to do as a kid we used to get Q chips and needles and tape them together and make little darts and then put them in straws and Shoot them at the back of kids legs at recess. What and And they would stick in. Your whole school should go to therapy. What the hell? You gotta go off? Watch. Oh, seven.

You got the third step. It was sticking the kids legs. Oh, it was one kid walking up the stairs. He didn't know, yeah. Because he couldn't, it was needle. So you can't really feel it. And he walked up, he had like 19 little blood dots. Holy shit.

And needles in his legs. And the girl behind him went, ah! And screamed and point, then he started crying. When did you guys go to school? Nairobi? I mean, dark gun? I know, that's for fuck sake. Have you told Alan this yet?

No, I did, yes, I've talked about this. That's the base of the problem, I think. Well, I don't think it's the base of the problem. I think that I grubbed a lot of fuck right there. No, you literally grubbed an jungle. This video has two and a half million hits. Yeah, these things are crazy. I have that one to the right.

The gold one. So you literally, it's just, it's how to get the best one too. It's skateboarding. I did two hours of research on YouTube to find the fastest, longest spinner. The spinner. There's one that does seven minutes.

I don't get it. It's all, that's all it does, Lauren. Of course, you don't get it. Stop trying to get a, you're a team together, asshole. I hate these, Logan. You don't get it. It's all that does learn of course you don't get it stop trying to get a You're team together. I saw I hate these listen. You don't hate them. The other night you fucking said you was cool When I played with it. Yes, I don't remember that buddy You I was in the car and you like oh, and I said this and they do this you like oh, that's cool And what is it? I was again goes on that's you actually you were cool with it now you coming in on I learned more about it since then Well, I don't remember it in the car to be totally honest with you

But now I don't glad that I affected you in the car. I was more thinking about you know getting your home safe Seeing that we almost crashed fucking three times. That's the one I bought right there literally at the first time I saw it I said to the person who's whole like what does that do you just spin it not yeah, what up? That's it. That's it. Yeah, but it's it's when you're sitting there on the phone You're literally just you're holding it and flick at it like this I think with the pen. I never did that eat you know on the The two ball remember the two balls and you'd have the ball. Yeah, exactly. It's the same as that and everyone bought that He sold 10 million of them or a troll or any other fucking thing

It's hilarious that we have a phone that can literally do anything and this is the best selling toy right now as a fucking piece of plastic. It's making me nauseous. Yeah. Why is it making me nauseous? I'd rather fuck the kid than play with the thing. I'm sorry. What did you say? I think he's handsome as well. I like his hair. This uh, this cake Lauren found this is pretty fucking i want this cake so bad did you go to the bakery the other night by the way i did that's from the bakery the the cookies you bought

what the cook yes yes we gotta go there i got a lot of the dawn's birthday for mother's day mother's day yeah it was bad loren what i thought loren fucked me. Lauren fucked me. She fucked me over. Why? Well, I planned...

Can I get up and make a gig? Hang on. Maybe if you didn't delegate to other people, Bob. What? Delegate. What are you talking about? Why is she responsible for making your mother's day good? Why do you think?

I was supposed to be. Hang on one second. No, let fuck face, let fuck face answers. Why do you think? Mr. to be hang on one second no let fuck face Whoa, what face answer? It's too much. Why do you think mr. Fuck I don't know what are you telling? Why would I think why is I think you're talking out of turn? Let me tell the story shouldn't maybe have anything to do with your mother's day What are you talking about I'm talking about you even though the scenario? I don't know the So why don't you fucking hold your horses all right fucking eight seconds before you make me the fucking bad guy I'm asking a question you're not asking your fucking saying I'm the piece of shit. I don't say your piece of shit Well, that's you're implying that's not a game. That's you doing that. Yeah

You doing that shut up, Lenny you're not therapy. He goes to therapy. He can here. He can talk to me like this You can't ask why she's in the equation, man, why she's in the equation, but I'm sorry for asking on the, I was in the verge of telling you. This is why you're going to be a life or. I got to say, just play this cake video first. Okay, so she's sitting on your baby. Oh, take it. You were.

Are you serious? I want this cake. That's great. If we don't get this for Lewis Gomez's birthday party, whenever that is. Oh my god. They're children are right there. I know. Oh my god. Play it again. Yeah, you're worried about talking to your kid about sex. This lady's got. I want to. This is the corner. Load you might as well just sign up for the strip. He's a corner. He's a corner. Oh my God.

Are you? This is why. Look at the balls, though. Look how big the balls are. Look at the balls. Look how big they are. I love it. Look at that.

Look at her. She's opening her mouth. And the little girl just thinks it's funny because, oh, she's getting shot in the face. She doesn't understand the time. She hasn't understand the time. But one day, she's going to wake up. Remember that cake?

Play it again. Oh my God. She just thought it was a skin cannon look at watch Opened wide. Yeah, she did here's a problem if they were smart whoever made this cake should sell this to an adult Game company and if you miss the question you get gizzed on I think you just did You know like that kids one where you put the whipped cream on the hand and it smacks the kid in the face. They should have this for adults. Well, you do a bunch of questions and if you don't get it right, you get gizzed on. Make it. Yeah. Shall I party industry? Yes. Let's make this cake. We'll call it the dude cake. So anyway, here we go. Jari, you ready? I'm ready. I'm on the edge of my seat.

Ding, ding, ding. So Dawn, I said, I said to Dawn, I asked Lauren, I said, hey, can you babysit for Sunday night? I want to do this big special night for Dawn. I want to take her out and I got this premiere that I can take her to and I'm going to take her to dinner in town. We have been out in a long time. Can you do it?

She's like, absolutely, I'm in. Fucking great. And, well, all right, cool, perfect. You sure? Yep. So then I go, okay, great. And I called on, I go, I make all these arrangements. I do all the shit and I put this whole day together,

breakfast in the morning, then we're gonna do lunch, and then we'll go out at night to this premiere, me and Dawn, we got tickets, and then after that, we're going to dinner and a bunch of friends, everybody's going, other friends, no, and Juanita, and it's gonna be a whole, oh my God night, and I play in the whole thing.

And Dawn's like, she's like's like, she was so excited. I was like, this is gonna be great. And I was like, it's gonna be awesome. We told Max that Auntie Lawrence coming over, he's like, oh, he was fucking flipping out. Cause he loves, no, but he loves Lauren. He loves her, he was so excited. And then she calls me. She calls me up. I can't do it. Like two days later.

No, I have you a huge text message. Explaining, I said, I'm so sorry. I'm a piece of shit. I miss. All right. You know what? You got to just kick my cat. Oh, right in the chops. I'll read the text message. Okay. All right. How far in advance? How far in advance did you bail? One day or Thursday night.

Oh. Now if there was Thursday, you could get one on the baby's shirt. Thursday night. No, not on a mother's neck. Not on a mother's neck. Not on a mother's neck. I was a rap. I wasn't doing anything.

I can't let you kneel my kid alone. Why? Why? I walked through. I've changed my brother. I've changed my brother bro. Buddy, you haven't changed. You would just, you would let my kid just sit and shit. And I come home, you'd be sitting there and be like, why is he crying?

Ah, he had poop. I didn't, I fixed it once. I didn't, I didn't feel like doing it in a second time. Now who's calling who a piece of shit? That I'm calling who a piece of shit. I can't be responsible for your job. You're saying she's more responsible than I am. I would have been there. Even if he sat and shit, I would have been there. So I'm not you a bitch. You're saying I can't be responsible for your job. You're saying she's more responsible than I am. I would have been there.

Even if he sat and shit, I would have been there. So I'm not the bad guy. She is the bad guy. In this case, you would have been there. I would have been there. Yeah, all right, ready? We're all set for tomorrow. Oh, wait, that's not it.

Ready? Shit. She wrote shit. I don't know if you're boxing, but I just went to put babysitting in the sister's yet 9 30 in the morning. And the calendar and I realized I had told the girl for the mind I'd help her out with a project of hers months ago, Mother's Day. And it's in my, in my Esthetician job that day too. I'm sorry.

I'm not going to be able to come call me. I need to have my I will have my phone on me. Tell Don I'm sorry. I had forgot to check. Okay I just found out I have to be there for eight nine p.m. If I leave by eight now yeah that that sounds like a fun night. We're gonna go out at five and come back at seven. What who the fuck says that? Who doesn't do the math? What option is that? We drive to the city and drive home? What do we? She's sucking my dick on the way down the West.

I finger fucker coming back up near the bridge. We have a cookie. That sounds like a nice thing. That actually sounds amazing. I would kill for that night. Cookies. If I leave my eighties. Cookies in finger blasts. Yeah, come on. I just, if I, if I have to be in it by nine,

if I leave by eight, I can definitely babysit. Get to see the water on the way. Did you know? Did that work for you? Take turn. No, it does not work for anybody. And there was two. Nobody else you could have got?

We called, dude, we called everybody. It's, it's buddy. I'm not, all right, listen. I'm, I'm gonna call you then next time. Please. On a Sunday, you're not, you're somewhere. I'm not all right listen. I'm gonna call you then next time. Please on a Sunday You're not you're somewhere I'm like flew I got all early buddy for you're in a field Instagramming some German fucking statue So fuck you I appreciate that. Yeah, thank you for recognizing that all right I'm not I'm not calling Joe list to rip you from whatever fantasy you're in on a Sunday

I'd be happy to help you would have known baby. You would have known you first of all you told me you don't like my kid. What? That was five years ago. He came around a little bit before this weekend. It's not five years ago. Whatever it was early on, he was a tough laugh. Now he called me his friend.

You don't have you gonna babysit by yourself? Yeah, why not? Do I have how, you gonna babysit by yourself? Yeah, why not? Do I have to pay you? I'm a very responsible guy. Do I have to pay you? I think you should. I think you should, yeah, probably.

I pay 20 bucks an hour. That's pretty good. That's real good. Wow, who books that? I do. The seller pays 30 bucks for 15 minutes. Yeah, you have to get in here. I was fucking bummed out. I had a call dawn.

I remember I was at, we were, I was, I was here, I was, and I had to call her. I was like, fuck, I had to call all these babies and everybody's telling me to go fuck myself. And then I had to call the people that I, I went through all this shit to get these tickets through these emails with assistance and blah, blah, blah. And then I got turned, I had to go to this other person, I had to go back out to get these tickets to these emails with assistance

and blah blah blah. And then I got turned, I had to go to this other person, I had to go back out of all this shit to get these, these VIP whatever, I had to go, hey, we can't make it. And they were like Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Back to sleep. I'm not asleep. She really does. So you never went. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So you never went. You saw them. We, you know, we tilled the garden. So it's so what you guys call that? Yeah, we know we have a garden and we wind up in the afternoon tilling it. We had to like put a bunch of, you know, get all the soil shaking up.

And we fixed the art a little bit. Then Dawn actually took a nap around 330. And, and then that night we got, I remember, we got Chinese food. Don't want to chase like a change. And it was bad. It was not good. And I remember halfway through her bowl of rice, she was like, I don't cry.

I didn't do it. She was like, this isn't good. And she put it down and I was like, I go, babe, can I please get you something? Anything, I'll go get you. Lauren's head. She goes, she goes, no, no, no, I'm good. I don't want anything else.

I go, I'll go get whatever pizza. She's like, no, I'm good. I'm just going to go to bed. I love that it's like Chinese. What could I get you? Pizza, anything. A good gift cake. What'd you do?

Who'd you meet up with on Sunday night, late night? Late night. All right. First of all, this poor girl I work with, she asked me months ago if I could help her with this project. And I do work with her every weekend. Now, mind you, I went to therapy today. and Alan told me not to say a few things. Yeah.

So, like the C word, the B word, the B. So, I'm going to, I'm going to really try to refrain. I'm going to try to heed Alan's advice right now. Go ahead, this girl. No, a good friend of mine. Okay. And as good as me. She.

As good as me. I'm telling the lifeer. And she had asked Has she mass produced any stickers of you with your With the gap yeah, she asked me months ago if I could help her and they were relying on me to help her with this thing Okay, I completely forgot about it was out of my mind But I had put it on my calendar when Bobby texted me the time I was like okay

I'm gonna go into my calendar and put it in and I saw it was sitting there the next day She no that same day when I went to put it in my calendar and She hit you're not Alan Wait, so the same day he asked you thank you Michael the baby said parents I didn't look at my calendar. Hey, could she has, could she have helped her? And I thought I was doing the right thing

because she, at, she, meanwhile, I'm blowing off my own mother. Oh, they're going to say blowing Dave Smith. Oh, Jesus. Oh, wow. She's still a resident. I thought I was hoping for Dave. I was hoping for Dave by, by saying yes to the person

who asked me first. That's how I My I am as a person. I know I did the wrong thing. I admitted that I was wrong. I cried to Bobby before Oh, no, no, no, bring up the crying. I know you fucking girl. I'm gonna cry right now because that's how bad I feel Well, here's a deal. It's already over. You miss it. Oh Well anyways, he could have made the best of the night. Right. Who did? You could have taken the best of it.

You could have taken the best of it. You could have taken the best of it. I did. That's what I'm saying. We made the best of it. All right. So she's going to turn seven water from. If I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was, if I was telling me Donna was died from Chinese food, she did almost that what She was bad change would here's a thing what I should have done if I was a better story

If I had any fucking funny in my body and when mother's day for everyone I should have went I should have took her up on the fucking two hours. I should have took her out Oh, yeah, you know what? I should have said I should have said five to seven is five to eight is perfect show up She would have to come through traffic. I just never left the house. What have you just never left? And I told you you guys to go grab dinner. That's why I just never we just never went anywhere.

Just sitting and look at her. Look, Lauren, make her till the garden. But here's a great part. Me and Lauren, I love you so much. She's part of my family. And I, I, I was meant, you can be mad at it. I can, I was disappointed, but, but you know, I still love her at the end of the day.

We talked about it and so over. I still love her. I'm glad that you blew me off. That's a big person though. You know what I'm saying? And now she goes, say, I gotta check my calendar. Yeah. I like to, let me check the calendar.

Yeah. She did do it, but Joe, she did do that. She said, I go, can you do it? She goes, let me see. Yep, I'm in. Yeah, that's what I said where I was wrong. Yeah, she did do it, but Joe, she did do that. She said, I go, can you do it? She goes, let me see. Yep. I'm in. Yeah. That's what I said where I was wrong. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, you fucked up. Now Joe got a job though. Joe's actually babysitting this Sunday. I'll be back. I landed the right five o'clock Sunday afternoon.

I laid at 9 p.m. That's fine. Show up at nine. We'll leave it nine. We'll leave it nine. Well, I get to look guardia and then I'll pick you up at LaGuardia I'll go right to the house. I'm gonna too late. Find a seven You were you babysit? Maybe something was max was max crazy disappointed Just practice and be a dude. Yes, the practice of being Jewish Did you that video of the guy? So funny.

Show that thing, show the video you showed me earlier. Max is like, she's not coming. The Tomlitz. Not that one. Did you see, oh man, the flocker, the new drug. No, no, no, the photos of the photos of the people. Dude, we got it. Hey, all right, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the photos of the photos of the people dude. Oh, okay, we got it. Hey, all right. Yeah, no

I'm excited. Yeah, but I don't like when guys you have podcasts start doing their own podcast in my podcast about music I don't give a fuck news. I'm fucking talking about this. This just focus on what we're talking about Trying to bring up flaka. Who the fuck cares about flaka? We talked about see it. You're gonna love it two weeks ago We talked about it. That'd be interesting if we had two podcasts going at My my my thing is already a fucking nightmare this show what thing fucking this show The fucking too many fucking people this is the least amount of who has been here in 10 years I know and it's been kind of fun. All right listen here. We go. I used to be on every week shut up. Maybe way wouldn't arrive This is people explain this okay. These are

Celebrities left acting world world behind to pursue porn cool the kid who put his the member the member of Christmas story Kids in his point he's Wait, what's the good time for this is what scares the shit out of me. He was the cutest kid in the world in a bunch of movies And he was the guy to put his tongue on the pole just an adorable little kid in an adorable movie that we all love a Christmas story Now he's doing lesbian porn you see yourself. He put his tongue on the pole. So what do you think was gonna happen? I will give you that one. Thank you. I would like to see. I would see. That guy really saved you on that one. Wow. I thought he was gonna get the band in him. Yeah.

Yeah. This one is Pippi Longstockings. Wait. How old is that kid? Schwartz. Yeah. Now I thought he was too old for porn at this. No, he was that that picture is when he was in his 30s. Oh? Early 30s. Yeah. But now his pippy long style. I don't know which one turns me on, but I get turned on looking at this. But she's hot. I thought you don't like redhead. I don't, but that's not a real redhead. She made that's a wig she's wearing. You think that's hot on the left? I think the top both. It's kind of both hot. The pippy long stockings is a long stocking.

What's your name? Long stocking. Long stocking. Long stocking. All right, I want to say the next one. Okay. Wow, who's now away. That's the little sister in family matter.

No, it's not. No, it's not. Yeah, Jamie. Yeah. Oh my god. Wow. I like it. She way, not yeah, is it Jamie? Yeah, oh my god. Wow Okay, she wait a minute is she doing porn. Yeah, I remember wow wait. It's my family fell on hard times and so did my ass So I started oh my god. Give me the thing. That was a joke

No, see my family fell on hard times and then I inserted an awful bomb He now see my family fell in hard times and then I inserted an awful bomb This we know about this guy. He did point. You know, that's the first paid the first paid gig I ever had to and stand up was opening for him Oh, wow, and he said call me the dark Prince of comedy and I said absolutely not What did I say about that nothing? I walked away I said you know him from you know him from base side high He said don't bring up anything about it, but I had to he well. That's kind of a dick. I know it was terrible I think I said I've had fucking emcees do that shit to me and I fucking pisses me off. Yeah, but you're not screech

You know what I mean? You're your comic. He's a piece of shit. Oh god. Oh Whoa so much hotter so much hotter younger. Yeah, she was fairly smoking. What do you know? What do you know? Sorry, I didn't know if you guys knew Laguna Beach. Yeah, I do know Laguna Beach. I'm not even gonna look at Laguna Beach. But I mean, that was the natural progression of her career. Am I out of line? I never even saw her before this picture.

I mean, you kind of go from Laguna Beach to that. I fucking. Long gonging. That's a, god damn it. Go ahead, go to the next one. I wanna use the bell. Oh, this guy. This guy.

Oh. I don't know Chris Crocker. He was the one who cried about Britney. Lee Britney alone, remember? He became famous for a minute because of his YouTube video. And then he became point star. But no, he became actually,

he became a good-looking woman for a second. But then he said, forget it and just started growing a goatee. And his little and he just he's like a dude. He's just a gay guy now. I thought he was gonna become a transgender, but he's not. Damn. Yeah, that's what Norton said.

A good bummer. All right, here you go right here. Octo moms. Octo mom. Oh, God, it's gross. I don't know who these people are. Yeah, the thing that stinks about this list is. I don't know.

I thought it was gonna be like big, big like celebrities that, you know, like maybe like Maggie Seever, you know, this is the natural progression of these people. These are famous ones set. Whoa, who's that? Faithless. He's hot. Oh, that is crazy. She looks hot.

She looks normal. Poor man's Courtney Cox kind of. From Beauty Queen to porn queen. I mean, that kind of turns me on knowing that she was a regular actress on a soap. Yeah. And now she's taking it in the poop because her husband lost the poker game. But part of what? What? This is no way. There's no way. In 2005, he released his own sex tape. That's bullshit. That was the tape of him getting a dildo in his ass.

You ever hear that? No. He's just screaming. Really? Yeah, Opie and Nantin used to play it all the time. Oh, yeah. You just hear him going, Oh!

Because this girl's fucking him in the ass with a strap on. Wait, wasn't that the The the miss nice nice Way to bring everything to a screeching wall is the woman she got in trouble Do it in your head not on my podcast. You're gonna be in therapy next week. I have a balanced number if you need it Heidi flies. Yes, That's who it was. Thank you. I don't remember this girl.

Who was she from? Where was she from? A different world. And she's doing porn now. Oh God, keep going. Is there any comics that ever did porn? Oh yeah. Yeah.

This guy. Oh, what's her name? This guy did some re, he did gay porn. And I remember they showed him late night, they were like, give him one to what happened to the guy from Friday night, because he was hot for a minute. He had like three hot movies that were pretty big back in the day. And, uh, and then they just showed him roll on roller skates with little tight shorts and a headband.

And he came in and they cut to him going, Oh, yeah, put that big cock in my ass. I was like, oh boy. Yeah, now he looks like Rich Voss. That's it. And then that suit. Is there any comics that ever, I know this comics that went from porn to comedy, but there's no one ever went from here to comics,

just don't do that. There was a comic that worked the overmixing that did some porn. But who didn't, did porn first or went to porn after went to porn after it was a guy. Yeah, gay porn. I think he did real regular point. He had a giant dick. But I don't know that much about the story. So I don't want to talk out of turn. Will so Vince. No, but he's got a giant dick. Yeah, there's a sweet sweet name.

Sarah Talamash. giant dick and is a sweet sweet name um Sarah Talamash Will's got a huge dick. What's her name? Um, is there an open mic of porn? Like do you start like? Shit movie that I do you kind of like you know what I mean? You put your name in the bucket and then two minutes And then you know what three much you get caught by a lady. Oh, you do 945 And then you can wait three months, you get caught by a lady, oh, you doing 945, two cum shots, one sucky-ducky, and then you take in bum bum, okay?

Yeah, I'm like, is there a circuit? You know? I, yeah, there is. It's amateur, amateur porn. Yeah. Yeah, and it's actually a genre that a guys love. And there's actually one, it's very crap, it's shot shitty on a regular camera

and you can hear fans buzzing in the background much like this podcast. Just hear an AC going, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Yeah, you can hear like dogs. You should be sucking dick in you go, go, go, go, go, go, yeah, you can hear dogs, he should be sucking dick in you, woo, woo, woo, in just in the background. Woof.

Lisa Ann, I think she does like podcast and content. Yeah, but she started in porn and now she just does like fantasy football and what's her name did too? Remember, she was on here, when I was on here once, Annie Letterman. No, no, no, no, no, she's just. What's the context? She was on here when I was on here once Annie Letterman What's her name? Oh, she's she's Huge tits huge

Aliyah Janine Aliyah. Yeah, she actually I don't know her I don't know she did porn before she did porn before but she was Sarah nailing that's not sad. Oh God She's not nailing paling God I gotta get some my dick is getting hard over everything lately. Have sex. Yeah, I get the one to babysit. Yeah, tell my wife that. Can you babysit for 13 seconds? I mean, Donna gonna go out to my shed.

I'm gonna put in her butt. I could do the five to eight. I don't like the amateur porn. I like the pro stuff. What do you mean? I like watching the pro porn. You don't like amateur at all. I mean, I like the pro stuff. I don't know. I like watching the pro porn. You don't like amateur at all I mean, I mean I like the pro stuff. I don't know. I like I don't want to watch what I do. I'm amateur porn You know what I mean? I don't want to watch me fucking I go watch videos of me playing little league football

I'd rather watch the Super Bowl. I like your self esteem. No, but why do I want to watch the craziest most nuts shit that I'm never gonna do It's most nuts. You want a buccacchi? That's it, most nuts. There's something to be said about. I would more of been great. I mean, the lighting is awful and amateur porn. You can see all the zits. Yeah, do you like that?

No, I don't like butt sets. Fucking face braille. I hate butt zits. It's called rosacea, all right? And you don't have to look at my butt. I like regular. I like high end porn. I've said this before, I like, I like regular, I like high end porn. I've said this before, I like a story.

I like, I like a build up. You watch the first three minutes. I watch the first 20 minutes. I like an old, like, yeah, where, like the setup is Lauren with the most subtle. 20 minutes, how long you looking at porn? It's just all ball work for 20 minutes. No, there's no not I like a fast forward right I don't do that I like how long have you I'll

walk you watch porn I don't know like three times a week whoa that's fantastic but I always wanted to know lesbian stuff or there he goes taking over my shower guy now that my care you take this I'm just go ahead that my care you take this guy. Maybe it's the fuck is wrong with me. Just go ahead. Go ahead. Good Bobby. Can you ask her? I do feel like he could be.

Lesbian question or does she like straight gay Lesbians? What do you like? I like being. Yeah. Is your wife watching porn do you think? Wait, wait. No, I've been away for two days. We'll fall off.

I'll ask her later. Have you got to her thing? Go to her thing. Her computer and just type in a huge. Just type in the word huge and see what comes up. Okay. Yeah, do that and then put black. She does everything on that phone. She does everything on that phone.

Do me a favor, put in cuckl on her search and see how many fucking, I mean, that's a scary thing to go to your chick chicks computer and type in keywords. And you can see, would never do it. You can see all the shit because girls on his scumbaggy as guys, where we know to delete our cookies and our cache, like once a day. Girls are just, eh, whatever. Just leave it on there. You can. Exactly. That's why girls. Girls never get caught. It's why girls never get caught.

It's because we're too lazy. Google incognito window on Chrome is pretty great. You can just totally wipe it away. Yeah, just typing kidnap. Did you know that? No, I don't know. No, I don't know any of this stuff. You don't masturbate on the computer?

I have a phone if I wanted to do it, but I don't watch porn too much. We talk about this a lot. We're not a big porn guy. He's not a porn guy, which I expect you know I respect and I stop watching porn. I when I'm on the road I jerk off Like I'm on jerk off vacation I Soon as I get into the hotel I Written my pants off

And I go and get the the medium face cloth I lie in the bed and I lie in that bed I shut the blinds if it's too dark out, and I fucking crank one out. I do it the same way. I take a nap. Face cloth? Face cloth? Medium face cloth.

Medium. I throw out the first two tissues that are out of like the, and then I grab a couple tissues and I masturbate to stickers. What's wrong with that? What? No. I have a sticker you I masturbate to stick with that what I have a stick against it. Yeah, I do it when I get to the hotel to meet it before I order food or take a nap or see the town. Yes, jerk off jerk off get it out. It's not thinking

about it. Yeah, I just don't shoot into a face cloth. I throw it into the face but I shoot on my stomach and I grab the face block and I give it a good rub down and I throw it under the sink and save it for later. I put the Facebook under right on, right on, I light down under my cockshaft. Oh, that's a good one. Over my pubes. So then when I jizz, it jizzes on the Facebook.

That's what I do with the tissues. And then I fucking, and I put that up and I throw it in the bathroom, and then I don't let them aid in for two sessions, two days. And then when she comes in, all the stuff is all the towels mixed together on the floor. So she can come in and just grab them all and not have to deal with that one.

I've been fascinated by this since I was nine years old. Everyone always acts out coming like this. But if you came and if you didn't parted, you should go to the emergency room immediately. Wouldn't it be funner if he dick did make a noise? It would be great. Certainly. It would be great if your dick made a noise based on how

great the sex was or worse the sex. You're never gonna fuck the shit. You just comment it goes woohoo. Woo. Woo. That's what a queen is for. Queen's the Lord. I hate Queen's.

Yeah, there's disgusting. When did Lauren start being able to tell jokes? I thought she was supposed to be quiet and ring a bell. No, she. No, she don't talk before you get mad now. I talk your your piss. I'm just saying they're good jokes My friend told me if you blow into a pussy and then push on a girl's stomach She'll it'll fart like a balloon. Is that true? No, it's the angle of your body Get in there like if you hold it up and just There gets in there like if you hold it open just That's the possible

This is a creep sound you have discussions like this. That's not it. You know, I'm creep is like No creeps like this No big one. There's a quick. There's a quick. Yes. Yeah, more foot. No Well, it's like a horse in park Yeah, it could be that yeah, I had one when my previous girlfriend we first started dating. We were fucking and it just went. It was so great that she was appalled, but I was, you know,

and I've been doing it for a long time. You pushed out air from another guy. That was a blackqueep, God damn it. I don't like queefs. I hate it. No, I've been to me like second time at my parents' sex. Some guysiff god damn it. I don't like quiffs. I hate it Some guys say they like it some guys say I like let me get that I one guy I was a key somebody was like let me get that air out of that pussy I'm gonna get all that air out of that pussy with my dick

Ego need my dick's gonna make a vacuum of your pussy If there's anything into the knees air it's gonna make a vacuum of your pussy. If there's anything in there that needs air, it's gonna die. All right. We're making everybody uncomfortable. Call in 917 the 261 6831. If you like a piece, whatever you got, I, uh, I, I, I just, I don't, I've never liked a quiefe and to go down to a pussy and put my mouth on it and do other things than try to lick this stink off. I would never like to quave and to go down to a pussy and put my mouth on it and do other things and then try to lick this stink off.

I would never stay down there and to like hold a pussy and go, is disgusting to me. Yeah, I would never do that. I was one to try it. I heard about it. But you can't, you'd have to meet a new girl. Oh yeah, no, no, I can't. Your wife would be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

you do it. It's just one of those things I'll never experience. Yeah, that's the one thing about being married is it sucks. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Now I can do it. I'm like, you love Bob show. You know. This is he. But you would never do that. No. Of course you wouldn't, because you never, you don't go to therapy. You're too normal. You've never do anything out of the ordinary. Of course.

But yeah, that doesn't, therapy isn't resultant, weird shit. It's not like I'm like, can I come in your ass and squeeze it together? I had a good therapy session. Narita's. Really? Yeah. Oh, I got to go for eight more years. I had Alan tell me one time, I want you to eat you wife's pussy and just repeat after me.

It's not my sister. It's not my sister. It's not getting. You want this guy's number right? I mean, and all seriousness, that was fucking hot. It's not my sister. That guy was shocked. I was like, does he do it while he's down there? Or AFT? Weaf should have been like a more prominent like like asshole or douchebag or cocksucker like weafs a good like Like you call somebody a queen. You're a fucking queen. That's a great word. Weafs. I think Weaf is one of the best Dickhead is awesome. Is it a real word like could I get points then scrabble? Weaf? Yes. Really? Is it a real word like could I get points and then scrabble? We wait. Yes. Really? Is it cute?

E E F. Yes, it is. Yes. Yes. We put that up on dictionary duck. Like mother fucker I never got because like it could be great. It depends on the mother. No, it's on. Is the ring around? Yikes. Oh my god. We're trying to test these folks. Connected to the phone on the watch. We had to get the new phone for the chip to chip chip us in pot of the cast. Yeah, because he the phone weren't wasn't working last week. Yeah, and old chip have a fit. And Lauren Lauren's wig almost came off.

You know, that was a wig. Did you guys? Oh, that's a wig. You have a wig? Yeah, she's a dude. Yeah. Lauren, we know. It's a comedy podcast.

I don't say it every week. It's a big thing to look at. I don't say it every extension. All right. Your eyebrows are definitely fake. You're on Coof call. Hi, hello. How are you?

Hold on. Hey, what's up? How are you? Hey, who is this? Tank. Who? Tank. Tank. Tank. Hey, who is this? Who? Tank. Tank.

Turn your radio down. It's a phenomenal thing that somebody has it listen to radio shows forever and they still. Are you there? Did he hang up? Tank. Or did we hang up on him? Thank you for the call. Tank you for the call.

Who the fuck calls a radio show with their radio on? Like it's 1968. Um, well, there you go. Wait, who was the guest on Chip Chipper's Dune when he had the, I gotta listen to that. It was Anthony Sam and Travis. It was a nightmare. There is nothing funny in it. It just makes me happy that Yeah, good, but that's not dictionary. Hello, it's it's on hello. Who is this and what you call him from

Hey, Lancer, my how are you do you like queefs? Highlight them queefs. It's a weird thing to hate. What's that? I've got a call back to Chip. Yeah, what, do it again? Whoever said, how do you like them, queives? Yes. It's not a call back to Chip.

It's a call back to Google hunting. So how you doing, Bob? I'm good, buddy. How are you? I'm doing well just getting off work. I know what you got to talk about just tuned in, but we're just testing that we're trying to we're just trying to test the phones out on my show to make sure they work for chip chipper since part of the cast. That's this Thursday the new hit on this network. So we have fans call in usually I don't have fans call in because you know you just listen to this really there's what I just have one question I had one question though. I'm a huge Patrice fan. I listen to old Oden a show all the time. Yeah, what's your favorite moment from Oden a with the tree? my favorite mo my favorite moment with the trees and this is so weird when he is when he saw Bobo's dick

Have you got that? Pull that up. But he saw Neil when he, Bobo was a fucking weirdo on the show. One of the crazy freaks on the show, you know, and he had this really weird dick, right? I think it was just a small pecka. And he pulled it out. They made him pull it out in front of Patrice. Patrice's reaction. It's the slow build of a laugh

only patrice could do uh... patrice odia patrice on the obobo's dick it was his fucking laugh you can't help it just crack me up it fucking crack me up we have a high time she's having a time finding it right now bobo opi so opi's channel

uh... what's the name of it we could be a greatest laugh at the trees greatest left over the yeah we're gonna play right now why is that what's your favorite uh... i really like uh... patrice, but I really, really also like when he shits on Joe D'Aroza for liking our Hitchcock. And then after he passed away, Joe got on for the memorial show, and he's like, we were pissing in the bathroom, and Patrice says says I'm just fucking with the I love low

Yeah, I know like his ability to just like tear shit down and ruin people's day and he didn't mean it Yeah, that sucks. He's dead and Yeah, that is a good that is a good quality to person. Yeah, it sucks no more therapy at least I understand when he's saying though what about Patrice make it big what he's saying about Patrice is Patrice have the ability to fuck with you And the next day you'd come in and still be thinking about it. Maybe like oh, no man. I was just fuck with you I don't I think you're good. I think I love you hat. I think you had school and it's like yeah Well, I burnt my hat. Oh, I loved it. I was I actually bought two of them yesterday. I thought it was a great hat I was just fuck away. He had that ability So you learn to not take his shit and that was another great quality

Patrice would could be wrong too. He would always go I changed my mind about that But here we go. Here it is right here ready listen to this. Oh This is so funny turn up the volume Stop one second. Um, the guy in the background, that's not me before everybody. That's, uh, that's Pat from Monaki. Okay. And the fact that he, I am probably bigger than him now makes me want to shoot myself. This Kenny.

And yeah, that's, that's Kenny, not Rich Voss. That's what Rich Voss is gonna be wearing on stage. And around two more years, a mock turtle net and a tan suit that doesn't fit. Go ahead. Yeah, but you know what I might do together, that's just better. I'm gonna wonder.

I'm gonna tell you that thing you can tell you. There you go. Yeah. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you.

I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you.

I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. I'm gonna touch you. Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Jesus fucking Christ!

Jesus fucking Christ! Jesus fucking Christ! Jesus fucking Christ! Oh my god! Jesus fucking Christ! Jesus Christ! It's one of the funniest moments ever on ONA. I wish I was in the room. And I hate that he walks out and he has those

partridge family jeans on. All right, makes me sick. Nobody ever commented on those horseshit clothes that Patrice used to wear. All right, buddy, thanks for calling in, man. Hey, take these, buddy. Oh, God, that was so funny. Fuck me.

I found a creep sound. Go ahead, hit it. Oh! Yeah! What was that out of, Lynn Coplitz? Oh. That was great. We should hit that instead of the bell.

Yeah, actually, fuck a bunch. All right, from now on, every time I say that, if I say, uh, fuck, no, uh, creep fart, did you hear? She doesn't listen to show while we're talking to her on the show I know Joe explained to her what um a queep is like when air escapes That is really something. Oh God. God deep. It's what I hear when orny Adams talks to me Just quiffs I'm a quiffs a good. We're I'm gonna start calling people that

Quiff is good work. I think dickheads the best What do you with dickhead? I like dink too. Also penis is fun. My uncle He's always calling with penis that guy's aink too. Also penis is fun. My uncle, he's always calling it penis. That guy's a fucking penis. That's really fun. You're a penis. But you gotta put the F in front of it. Just regular penis.

Not as good. Now do it the other way. Well, everything's better with a fuck. That's what I'm gonna say. Not everything. Not everything. All right, say something about a guy that you didn't want. All right, dude, that guy's a dink.

No, you gotta say, tell me a story about a guy. Oh, dude, this guy, he came up to me in the parking lot. He's the one who hit my car. I didn't hit his car. And he's actually choosing me of it. Oh, what a penis. Out, wait. Okay, cool. Now watch this. So, dude, I'm with my wife for outside.

I see this guy, he's checking her tits out. I walk around and I'm like, what are you doing? He was like, none of your business. What a fricking penis. Fricking? Fricking penis. What are you, a frat boy none of your business. What a frickin penis. Freakin? Freakin? Freakin? What are you a frat boy? I thought I'd mix it up. No.

Fucking penis. You're a fucking penis. Do it with me. Ready? I'll do it. Think. Alright, and this F don't count. Go ahead. I was at the barber shop the other day and the guy's cutting his nips a piece of my ear. What a dink. Dink and nip. The dink is good. Now do it. I'll do it with another one, what a dink. Dink and nip. The dink is good, guys.

Now, doing another one, I'll do it with the extra dink. All right. I'm at the barber shop the other day. This guy sucks my dick to completion. Oh, what a fucking awesome barber. I'm sorry. Did you hear about this? I was talking to my mother the other day.

Yeah. I guess she went to Sears. They pulled her in the dressing room, raped her. Wow. What a fucking cunt. It's supposed to be dinky. Oh, sorry. You're dink.

What a penis. He's just trying to get all this fucks out right now. Did you hear about this? This is a tragic story. It makes me sick. I hate college life Seconds me. Oh the college yeah, hang on there. Fuck it. It's not your podcast. You can't help himself He's such an alpha male. Look at the hair in his arm. That's a good. It's Ibrahim. Her name is pubic here connect again

It's not your podcast. It's your podcast, but just settle you're with us on it. I was excited I know I'm excited too But I thought of something fucking interesting to talk about on this podcast. Don't be a fucking dink It's not as good. Peace is better. Dink dude. I like MOOC I like I like retarded. That's terrible dating one I listen here's a deal This college crap really makes me sick to my stomach. I just hate his college outfits.

No socks, freed. Not you know, but this whole college, Ra Ra Ra, being a part of something fraternities. It's so culty and stupid and you know, and they're so protected, and when they get out in the real world, they don't understand that it's all gonna come fucking tumbling down around their thirties

and then their forties, and life sucks and people suck, and it's a hard world out there. And they're in these colleges doing this horse shit. This kid died at Penn State. Right. That's where Jared went for He's on the football team. He's trying to get into fraternity and they were hazing him

Who fucking knows here's the problem he drank too much alcohol because they make you drink and they keep making you and they know They don't have any idea. They're not scientists. They don't know how much he ate or what his body weight is. They just make him drink. He died. And then there was still like, desiccating his body. Like they didn't know he was dead and he was just lying there,

fucking dead on the ground. And this kid is gorgeous. This kid was, I mean, their parents, look at him. His parents was so fucking proud of him. He's going to Penn State He made it out of high school. He's in college. He's on the football team He's he's joining a fraternity and you gotta you go up top go right there go to just a photo

I want the photo of the parents and the uh look at this kid look at this that's his mom and dad and him How do you this is what you want as a parent. This is the golden ticket. And and and he's dead. It's to join a fucking fraternity, a bunch of fucking shit dicks. And you'll tell your son that when he gets to about 15 16 and it'll be okay, about. Oh, wait, not that good looking at kid. don't agree with everything you say not be a tiny forehead Did he die? Look at the moon okay? Look at the two on the right and then in the middle. He's good looking They could have he could have been worse. He's okay, but I picked to go just I picture you know

He's dead. He's dead. No this kid's dead. Lauren. We have bad news. Dave, Dave seems to be queen noise every time your boyfriend dies. No, he's fine. But yeah, that's at least fraternities. I never, they never make sense to me. I never understand. Hey, he's on that photo. Show the photo. We're there always eating cum. It's always weird gay shit. Yeah, it's very why not just be friends with people like your friends with. I was in a sorority and we did. He's really, really bad. Like what? Talk to you. What did you do? Oh, no, three times a week tell me actually our whole the fraternity was worse, but us as a sorority

I had to live in a basement for six weeks We couldn't smoke drink or talk to boys and they we would do like nights where we would get lined up And they would make concoctions and then would feed us concoctions until about concoctions of what a food of like catch up like any leftover and then we would throw up on our each other if we yeah if we can memorize certain things about the sorority and then oh my god so much more than they would put mayo and Vaseline in our hair for like a week. Oh yeah. Why would you do that? That's so crazy. All to all to just be able to do that to someone. They never made a strength.

They never made a few drugs. It was never like that. I'd rather do that. What about the sex stuff in the porn with the sororities? Did you have to go guys? No, no, no, no, no, no, it was never like, it was always like, you know, like, it was always like,

Did they spank you? No, no, no, no, no. The guys did, the guys got paddled and they got branded. What's that? Like, so the one thing I know, but I want to hear they got branded what's that like what they so the one I know but I want to hear like what you know what I mean the one fraternity was zbt and they bent they bend like a hanger and they burn it and then they would burn it on their asses my ex husband had it on his ass it was like a

scar huge z on it what a fucking thing it didn't work out huh never had any interest in any of that garbage. When I was a freshman, they didn't, the drinking age in New York City, New York was 18. So then, wow, gross. So then it went up to 21, my sophomore year, so the concession for the school, you know, SUNY Albany, all the SUNY system was, you can have the Fratt system come in. Can I just say that? For six weeks that I did it for

three and a half years of college I never did my laundry I never cleaned my apartment I got chauffeur I never got to do why because I always had someone to drive me someplace and pick me up because we always had pledges to do everything for us. Yeah you had slaves. Yeah slaves. And you're proud of that. I mean not now. I regret. Sounds like you are. But I mean, that's time. Yeah, it did sound right. My nose more braggie than, uh, was presenting. Speaking of braggie, I'm going to a braggie dash event.

The greatest headphones in the world tonight. What? I was back to letting the story. Let me eat. That's fine. No one in that everybody started joining the frat. You know, like everybody started diving it up. But so I ran the intramural pro,

they were begging me to be here. You have the charisma of a shoe. No, I'm kidding. I wasn't begging to be in one of the fratts. When he's fraternity was easy, easy. I refused to join a frat. I get J.J. I wasn't gonna be in with those stupid,

I refused to do any of that stuff. Well, because here again, parents, here's the problem. I'm not gonna go back to that photo. I'm not gonna bother. Go back to the, because here, again, parents. Here's the problem. Go back to that photo. Go back to the photo of this kid and their parents. Yeah, why would you do that? I want to show you this. As a parent, every stage, listen to me.

As a parent, every stage of this kid's life, you're like, oh my God, we made it. He, a proud of him. You know, I'm sitting there looking at this. And there, look how proud, look how proud they are of what this kid did. And they went from this proud love, oh my God, feeling to he's dead. They'll never see him again. They'll never get to fucking hug him. They'll never get to fucking kiss him,

telling that they're proud of him. He's dead. The wife, the husband, the kids, the Christmases, the grandchildren, it's all gone. They're left to deal with this shit because of what? Next time on a very special you know what yeah, I'm serious dude. Yeah, it's true I mean that's you have to be on top of your kid all the time and you have to when he goes off to college You better hope that everything you drilled into him first of all you're crazy You don't think this guy was on top of that kid

You don't think that woman was on top of that kid. You don't think that woman was on top of that kid. You don't get to that fucking point of a college football team and get a scholarship and be there if people aren't on top of you the whole way. It's not that, it's this fucking fraternity, fucking psychopath, cult shit. They allow on fucking campus to exist. They should shut that horse shit down. I agree.

And fucking, fuck you. You're literally saying these kids get to live in this house and be separate from everybody else. What about the kid who can't afford to be in the fucking fraternity? What does he have piece of shit? So all you elitist cock suckers do this weird shit every year and then segregate yourself from the rest of the world and have slaves do everything for you,

and you're fucking murdering kids. This kid- I'm not even mentioning the rape. Yeah, they do, some rape they do. A little bit. You know what, it's all worth it. I certainly believe it. I think I started drinking when I was like 14,

and when I got to college, it was like not a big deal to drink and the kids that were like under their parents thumb and never partied. When they got to college, they were the first ones starting fights, first ones getting kicked out of bars, getting arrested, all that shit. So drink younger. I was,

the reason why I did it was because my parents were going through a divorce too at that time. I needed a family. Yeah. Lauren behavior. But it's family. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's like, these colleges know that this shit exists. And this stupid fraternity will go on.

I think this, I hope this family suits the fuck out of this school. I should. I hope they shut, I hope they soon get gazillions of dollars. This shit's been going on forever though, you know? I mean, you played this, but do you have hazing in high school or anything like that? No, fuck, I'm not letting somebody haze me.

Go fight life is, I'm not saying you. Life is a, life is a haze. I don't need to be hazed extra by a bunch of fucking morons for some shit tradition. You know Rob haze? Yeah, he's a good guy. He's a really funny comedian. Very fun. He did.

He didn't let me play devil's advocate for one. So you didn't think Patrice haze people. What do you mean haze people? same thing I think he haze people Here's the here's the only part. He would test you by doing okay, okay, I'm playing devil's advocate You can you can haze him back You can haze him back. That's like people on this podcast who like dude I can't do the podcast everybody's really funny and I feel like you have a micro in front of you. Be as funny as you wanna be. Just be as funny as you wanna be.

No one ever, you know what I mean? With Patrice, you can haze back. With these guys, you get kicked out of the fraternity. You have to be a minion and you have to do it, you're told. Or you get fucking booted. I, that was a passion. I'm supposed to be the quiff noise now. Sorry.

I don't know. Maybe I'm- No, maybe I'm an idiot. You're all right. Let me just say this. No, Lenny, maybe you're into that. Maybe I guess you're into people, Hazel. And it's all wet.

Maybe you're- Maybe that's the way you like things, Lenny. It's also these tough guys, these football guys, and they made us eat com out of a cookie. You're like, what? Yeah, it's not a shit. It's wrong with you. They like, they like, blow loads and cookie batter and shit. I'm saying a out of a cookie. You're like, what? Yeah, it's not a problem with you. They like they like low loads and cookie batter.

I'm saying a lot of you know what? At my point, but it's not a lot of tough guys. It's a there's a lot of fucking regular just kids Wednesday nights. We had night practice for football in high school. And we would always the coaches would leave and we would have a meeting. And then we all the younger kids would have to go first and then like 10 seconds later, the starters and juniors and seniors would go and they would have a meeting and then we all the younger kids would have to go first and then like 10 seconds later The starters and juniors and seniors would go and they would catch a kid and like either throw him in the river or like feed on him one kid listen one kid A guy got him in between his legs and he was hammering him in his back with his with this with his helmet

There's like whack and I'm so hard in the back fuck the kids back up. You never played football and it was brutal. Absolutely brutal I just you know what that's called. That's called assault. I know that's what I mean We pulled them off the salt and I never understood what the purpose like what did you gain from that just like hurt and that kid I don't get that it's it's fucking and but that kid is in the world somewhere I know that kid has a job somewhere and queuing and he's he's in charge of people that psychopath I know dude. That psychopath. I know, dude, it sucks. I'm with you.

And if you give consequence to these savages, just like a kid, if you give them consequence, then they learn. But then we all go to parties with older kids that would be like drink that, funnel this, do a kegs. Yeah, and I wound up in jail. And I wound up, I wound up, that back. I wound up in jail. I wound up screwing wound up I didn't that back I wound up I wound up in jail

I wound up screwing my life up because I followed a bunch of idiots around and I It's stupid. I didn't have consequences until my mother When my my bail was ten bucks and they was like yeah, just take them ten bucks Yeah, ten bucks grow up fucking maybe it was a ten thousand dollar bail and they reduced it to ten dollars So so my mother could take me home and my mother said no We're gonna wrap this up. Listen Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Now that my show's off so you know what your career really is when you're paying 25 bucks That's good. I could pay that little. Oh shit. Not you All right, let's wrap this up. I really did get emotional. I do I get emotional. I'm a fucking psychopath You know the psychopath shut up Lenny. Let's go to the god dude. I can't I gotta go to the really I can't oh

You want to come with us? We're going to a braggie dash event right now. What's that? Exactly, forget it. I'm taking a long. All right. I got a piece so bad. Well, so I should end my podcast since you have to pay. No, I want to go pay. Go pay. Get up really quick. You quit.

I'm not hazing you. You're not joining the YKWD dude fraternity. You might be a little bit more. Lenny, kick your stomach when she's walking by. Everybody gets to punch you in the stomach and if you pee a pants you have to quit. Are you pregnant? Oh God, please don't have Dave's baby. I don't want to see you. Her living in a fucking in a fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck and Lewis has a bunk bed in. Can you guys keep it down? I have a podcast to do it five in the morning.

All right, let's go around the room, Mike. What do you got? This week I will be at Comedy Works in Denver, Colorado and a bunch of dates coming up. New album out, live in Burlington, at Mike Fenoya, M-I-K-E-F-I-N-O-I-A. Thanks, Bobby. Hey, buddy.

It's great to have you. I love you pal. Love you too man. And all that stuff's working on. I'm glad everything's going well. Thank you. And last couple of years I've been talking to you here and there and you know things are going well. Things aren't always the best but you're you're you're dealing with everything.

So that's great brother. Thanks dude. Thanks for coming on. What do you got Joe besides a little baby mouth. Uh, I just had cleaned for 400 fucking bucks these motherfuckers. Should've been half. Go ahead. If it was a regular mouth, it would've been a thousand.

Your words have consequences. Do they really? Yeah. So does your forehead. I only have to get it. Um, Cap City, Austin. What a great city. Capital of Texas. Come on down. It's you. The John Q.S. Act forehead of comedy. um cap city austin what a great city capital of texas

It's you the john q sack forehead of comedy june first through the third actually just show me 30 if you want to come Wednesday and Come hang will do a cap city comedy june first through the third check out my website I spent ten grand in this goddamn website. I got a great not ten grand joker Jesus I spent 10 grand in this goddamn website. I got a great not 10 grand. Oh, Jesus website cost $4 now, but this is website is top of the line up check out my website He's doing sodas as well. This guy is one of the best $10,000 how much? Comedian Joe list duck. I'm not gonna do thousands no less than thousands so it's in the hundreds or thousands It doesn't matter Bob does to me good things cost money It doesn't matter Bob. It does to me. Good things cost money.

Thousand bucks. All right. Oh my goodness. comedianjolist.com. That's the ghost. All my dates are on there. My newest Conan. Share it. Email it. Tweet it.

You know what I mean? I got this is all you did. These Conan's and then nothing you ever never hear again. Yeah, it's called show business. Spread it around. Tell some people. June 1st and the 3rd.

I'll be at cap city. Much other dates on comedianjolice.com and listen to Tuesdays with stories. That's a problem. There's so many late night shows now. Every, I mean, there was 19 people I knew that did late night shows last week. I know. It was crazy. Can I just, can you just accept that I did a nice job and had a good time? You're fucking trash and everything I say over here. My mouth, I, him, this guy, you don't even know this fucking guy. You're like, that's great. Good for you. Do even know this fucking guy. You're like that's great good for you Do this fucking helping me blah blah blah. What is this fucking animosity? Yeah, what is it?

What are you mad at me? I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at the way he handles your plugs He goes you're great. You're doing terrific. I'm happy for you. We had a great bus You're doing some of these are life here sounds like a lifeer. I'm ready. You are really I don't we were friends We're in the thick of things together. I'm on the show. I. It sounds like a lifeer. I'm ready. You are really aggressive. I don't, we were friends, yo. We're in the thick of things together. I mean, on the show. I was on the show before all these numbs go. I was on the show before you.

I was at, I was on before you. You know what, I wish you the best, Joe. And I'm saying, everything, almost, the fight's not with you for no, yeah, I'm talking about it. Maybe it is, maybe it is now. I'm talking about Bobby. Mike, listen, Michael, you're doing good. Don't let this stuff get on you. I'm gonna talk to Alan about this. I'm gonna Bobby. Mike, listen, Michael, you're doing good. Don't let yourself get on you.

I'm gonna talk to Alan about this. I'm gonna talk to Alan about this. I'm gonna talk to Alan about this. I'm gonna talk to Alan about this. I'm gonna talk to Alan about this. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth.

I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth.

I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small mouth. I got a small night. One of the best late night performance as I've seen. Thank you. And along your girlfriends. I'll text you so you have the phone. Your girlfriends just as good. I was, cause here's a problem.

I was worried that one of you, I swear to God, she killed it, you killed it, it was great. You should be very proud as a couple. Thank you. You're great. I'm gonna show you an email with all my contacts, so you have it. Great. Lenny you. Are you great? I'm going to show you an email with all my contacts so you have it. Great.

Lenny, what do you got? I will be at the seller this Friday and I'm doing a private show at a town sat. First comic to ever promote the seller. And plug a private show. Yeah, I'm doing it. I'm killing it. Two private in a week. Two private in a week.

Lunch on you. Yeah, really. I'm going to that bakery. Lenny, thanks for coming on. Have a good time this time. Lunch on you. Yeah, really? Yeah, I'm going to that bakery. Lenny, thanks coming on. Have a good time this time. Yeah, I had a lot more sleep. Yeah, last time you were a fucking miserable. Hey, like I told you, you know, you can't be perfect every day. You could if you went to therapy.

That's a bad one. I think you should go to therapy. What am I going to say there? I don't know. Bob said I should come. I'm just going to wind about you. You should. Yeah, you should go. He. What am I gonna say there? I don't know. Bob said I should come. I'm just gonna whine about you. You should. Yeah.

He's an asshole, right? Yeah, okay. You call me an asshole? Yeah. Am I an asshole? Sorry, no. I don't think you are an asshole, but you frequently delve into asshole territory.

You dabble. You have a stone. Guys, what? Who, you don't get to, no, I'm joking. I do have tone issues. I really joking. I do have tone issues. I really do. We all have tone issues. 99% accept tone issues.

I have tone issues. Some, Dawn will call me, I'll be like, don't do that. And she's like, what's, I'm like, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that. I really am, I can be a twat. I'm an emotional person. I'm passionate about certain things. I can't help that.

That's when my fans love me, I hate me. A lot of them showed up at my one-man show, by the way. No, my one-man, my hour thing I did at the village underground yesterday was packed. Thank you for showing up. And it was great. Okay, good. I got an hour and a half of material.

You ready? And I did the Irish-Shafir storytelling story. I got to, you know, it was great the first time, second time was great, the third time last night. Mm-hmm, I gotta do it again, because it kind of fell apart, but I'll be there. Great stuff, a lot of fun, and the hour and a half is rock, and Serp came down.

Nice, where are you shooting at? We're not shooting it, we're not, I have it. Now I'm gonna whittle it down to the hour, probably an hour and 15 Okay, and I'm dumping I'm dumping two jokes already two two jokes that do well, but it's just we were like Lauren and that guy So what are you talking about? Joking Oh, I love you Yeah, one more queen for the road

Yeah, my belly button my my honey. I just popped out. Did it hurt you? Yeah, my belly button here on you It sounds like this Yeah, so anyways, what do I got? We got me. Oh uncle Vitties Are you coming? What are you sitting on your phone? Oh? What do I got? We got me, Uncle Vitties. I'm coming. Are you coming? Are you bringing my people? What are you sitting on your phone?

Oh. What? What? Oh, coming. No. I just picked the ball. Are you coming? Yes, I'm going to come with you.

Will you come with me? You're coming with me? Yeah, I'm coming with you. All right, cool. Selon Hoodie's here, into it. Yeah. Five to seven. Scope, scope, scope's coming to me now.

All right, yeah, scobos come with me this weekend He's yeah, he's doing good. So gaining weight. Yeah, he wouldn't join the press. They killed them. Oh God. I love him. All right We got a vocal Vinnie's Friday night one show only and then I'm at the American comedy club San Diego Through the 10th eight to the 10. And then I'm at the theater, the what? DVE comedy festival Pittsburgh. Yeah, Pittsburgh. Yeah, it's a, it's a, that's a crazy show to Kevin Brennan me calling a bunch of people on that show. And then there you go. That's it. I'm going to just for laughs comedy festival this summer summer I'm there for fucking two weeks and And there you go go to robocanolive.com my website that costs not that much

But it's still awesome $10,000 yeah, jeez Joe. I want to fuck up this guy's business. Well, you did it. It's not affordable thousands who pays thousands for What's this less than thousands? Thousand is a thousand? We got to negotiate with him. Well, how do I negotiate with him? It's about most of our under two. $2,000. $2,000 for a, who's paying $2,000 for what?

That's not my money. But you get what you pay for. Dude, I got my side. Bring up Joe Sire right now. Bring it up. Bring up, because I got to go. I got to go. We got to wrap this up.

A man would not have it to go. $149 a year is mine and I like Joe list you just put No, comedian Joe list. I know she brought up some of the guys name Okay, here it is. Let's do dad. Do you have any music loading? Loading this to me. Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah. All right. That's what I want to see I already want to do a 2017 is wait for a page that's capable of Navigator. Oh my god You may be a computer stuff. We have just put another quarter in the fucking Wi-Fi machine. Oh there it is

I don't get a fat head of that my brand new Conan click on TV because that's where I did all right There you go wow, so when you click on something I can turn the page Where's the stuff go? I can click on it now I can scrolling but you could click it would go right away. Wow. This is this is so weird Do me a favor go to robbercatalive.com for one second just one second robbercat life now go to the top Go to the top click on the top no top my face pick click on that right there. This is weird now now do me a favor Go to go to order now. Order now, right there. Click on that.

Huh, let's take it a second. That's pretty quick, right now. Scroll down. Scroll. Wait, scroll. Keep scrolling. Scroll, keep scrolling. I can't. That's the bottom. I can't scroll. No more scroll.

Go to cookies. Go up top. Go up top. That's Bobby's favorite. Oh, no, go back. Go back. Go back. Go back. Go back. It's hard to navigate. Back button. Oh, it, go back, go back, go back. Go back, go back. She was hard to navigate. Back button. Oh, it's hard to navigate a fucking dummy from Jersey.

I'm trying to navigate this fucking ding dong. Go to press. I like ding dong. That's a good one. By the way, it's 2017. Scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll. Your website says scroll. It's 16.

Wow, very similar website. Newspaper clippings. That's actually stuff I I've done keep going scroll Scroll go to I forget it No, it's the same fucking website It's word press. He did a word press. What difference does it make? Yeah, coach? You can go to WordPress by yourself and do it You fucking beanbag. I don't want to do it. I could also fucking, you know, learn Mike. Let's go. Um, what do you got my friend? You called me on Twitter at at

rec room audio. He is the best. He wants to go. Po 2.0. He is the best. Adam, thank you so much. Adam helped me hook up this new, this new, uh, the go mixer. The go mixer. It's, it's, it's a whole new way to podcast on the road. No electricity, no batteries, no plug in the thing, no zoom H6. It's this little tiny thing from rolling and a, what how it for my up to four people can be on the podcast. And it records right to your cell phone. So that's all you need. Your phone, this little go mixer and whatever mics you want, one, two, whatever, and it goes right to it, and now

I'll be recording a ton of stuff on the road when I go away, because I just get to take this little, you know, I'll be posting a picture of it later. What else, Lauren? What do you got? Just out Lauren Cubera. That's it, mama? Yeah. Well, you know, some stuff. What do you got? Just out Lauren Cubera. That's it mama. Yeah. You know, some stuff. What do you got? Got a patient. Got a magnet coming out, whatever. I got a big magnet coming out.

Got a big sticker. We got a sticker coming out. What else? I host the show at St. up New York next week, May 24th at Wednesday at 10pm. That's pretty great. You got your own show. That's awesome. With Maura.

And what else you got? You do the Christie Chalo show? Talking Chrissy and the Chipper Simplock. You're a producer of that show. Yeah, it's so good. That's all much going on. It's from and you all got that from just this one show. You know, you have a cancel on me on baby. You said, no, I will take it all away. I will. Don't you forget when a fucking came from you, you were nobody in Jersey and you F***ing up of the Jersey term bike and say You're the guy that's a great last joke. Um, baby. I love you the best you do have is because of

No, no, no, you're the you're the best. That's why I love you. That's why You're the best play the grossest queen ever. Yeah, it's 1-800-L-O-V Play it. I don't know what this is play it. Is that the grossest quiefever? Is this gonna be anticlimactic? We just had a beautiful ending All right, what's how many how many apps do we have? How many apps do we have to? 18 geez not bad you're getting better. You had 112 last week. Not only of 18.

Okay. So 18 bucks. At the end of the month, we'll be giving that paycheck away to a fan. You have to email where? YKWD producer at riotcast.com. Please put a ball pick in with all the entries. We're giving away these go runners. We're going to need that guy's address.

I'm going to send him both these guys are gonna get that You guys as fans. I love you so much for listening to this show But also checking out all these other shows and the people that come on the show And listening to their podcasts and going to the live show make sure you heard them here at YKWD and You guys the best fans ever. We'll see you next week Listening to YKWD podcast We'll see you next week. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desesperan. ¡Fli-paras! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea

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