Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Too Cute

Episode Date: September 4, 2017

This week on YKWD; We have a hell of a show Dudes! Bobby brings on Guests Dean DelRay, Mark Normand, and Mike Feeney. We start out the episode by introducing Ned Kennedy from Laughable App! We get to know Ned and go quickly into bringing him right into the YKWD madness. Dean tells us about his horrific motorcycle accident and coming back from some serious weight loss! Bobby brings us through his hiking journey with Max and we fall deeper in love with FeenDog aka "Too Cute" all over again! Watch/Listen/Share/Enjoy Dudes!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the Planet Earth. This is going to be a claustrophic. It's podcast, no rules. What are the mic-ass holes? I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic-a-pull? No, what the fuck?

That was trying to keep it like a comic-head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down And sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's 10 no topics no directions. I love doing it Side to the coin Daydying my podcast is popular enough. I might affect somebody's life. You never know. I just turned my head phone my mic up. It's my mic. It's my mic. I turn my headphones up.

Why is my mic too loud now? I want to be louder than everyone. Okay, I don't have the fucking charisma to stop people's conversations from that. I need my mic to be loud and compressed. It's not compressed. I like it to be, I'm like, I like, I want it to be a little more oomph. And it's not very oomphie. Oomphie.

Lauren has cancer. I have cancer and I'm dying. Cheers. So when I die, I hope everyone comes out, it'll be at the village underground. I'm not going to be a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of What do you want? I don't know. She has something in her mouth. Let's stop blowing dirty, fuck it. I know, don't say that. You could, you coulda went and blown the top of the,

you coulda blown like headliners. Shut up. Who? I don't know, Lewis Black. Lewis Black is 90 years old. So what? Yeah, you'd have to blow him once a year. You go and you get a young.

It's not from a dirty dick. I have just a, no, I have mouth cancer and they're gonna take off part of my jaw. I know this. She doesn't know this. This is, you know, I got Brooklyn and, you know, before you die. Brooklyn is one of our sponsors and I love them.

I gotta get you some of these sheets before you die. No, I need new sheets. Do you really? Yeah. What size bed do you have? California King. You got Mike now. I have a huge bed. You and Dave. Yeah. You got you got moved in together. Not yet, but I have a huge California King bed. And I need that because when you're on one side hooked up to all that cancer shit, Dave can actually say, no, I'm not if I have cancer I'm out I'm gone bye bye I'm going to Hawaii I'm going Hawaii can you say it I'm going to want you and Hawaii just to check with a huge jar with a hole in it have you seen dogs about me on dark no I will be his mistress and blow him and you know

it's gonna want you to blow nobody wants a head from a chick with a hole in her mouth. No, they're going to want it. Why they would have just shoots out the side of their mouth? The freak show, exactly. Yeah, that's what I want. I want to stick the tip of my dick and cancer cheek. Can that be my new name? Can you not come in my soul?

My infection? No, I'll be so funny. I can be a headliner, though. What if my jizz cured your cancer. What if my jizz secured your cancer? What if my jizz literally cured jaw, like jaw cancer? What if I have mouth cancer? I think that's what it is. Would you would that would you, but you had to suck it and it had a, Bobby, if I had jaw cancer in your juice, I would suck your dick so hard. Really? Until you could only suck it while I'm sleeping like in bed with my wife

Like you have to sneak in and suck my dick while don't This is sick fuck up fantasy you're creating anyways Brooklyn and Brooklyn I actually have these sheets and Woof, I'm not even joking man. There's nothing slide right off Woof, I'm not even joking man. There's nothing like slide right off. No, they're They're so soft. It's ridiculous. I need me. I have one pillow that doesn't have the pillowcase I throw it I literally get in the bed and I'm like, we just get it away from it I don't want it because we have five pillows for some reason. You know women have to have that fucking accent pillow. Yeah, I need minimum three I have these sheets are amazing.

They're so good. I love them. I love them. All colors, shape sizes. All color, shape sizes. They're just, you wanna upgrade your life just a little bit. Yeah. You don't have to go buy one of those 100 billion dollars.

I need to. 100 billion dollars, but just go buy these sheets. Okay. Put them on your thing. They're unbelievable. We got a good thread count. It does, they do, but it, what happens with these sheets is this. It's like, you know, in New York, when they say, oh, it's 70% off and you walk in, it's

still a thousand bucks. Right. That's what happens with the, when you go into these, you know, biometris, or you go to these places, it's sheets. It's already marked up 300%. Right. There's just, they don't do it. Just come buy them from us.

They're 160 bucks, 200, but whatever. Instead of paying $1,000 for sheets, which is nuts, these are like $1,000 sheets for, you know, it's something you can afford. It's unbelievable. I can't wait either. I'm gonna get him for you. Okay.

I am gonna get him for you. Brooklyn was founded by a husband and wife team, Vicki and Rich, full up. And their philosophy is bring simple stuff, people deserve to their home. That's it. They want to get them. Well, listen, when stuff is made by,

you know, when a couple is like, hey, we should do this. What's your meat, Dave? What's that? What's your meat and Dave make? I don't know, when a couple is like, hey, we should do this. What's your meat, Dave? What's that? What's your meat and tape made? I don't know. Maybe a jerry place. Some way to crack nuts with your new jaw.

Like, do you have mouth can't it's not the underlying? Like nuts? Well, you can use my new patented professional almond cutters. Yeah. It's unbelievable. Brooklyn has a crap load of designs. They do. They have exceptional savings across their collections.

Brooklyn is the fastest growing company in the world. They have 12,000 five star reviews. What? Anytime I go to Yelp and I look at like, okay, there's a place, it's five star, but it has one review and it's from the owner's sister. I don't go. But when a place has a hundred reviews, five star reviews, I'm in.

I'm going. I did it yesterday. For what? A restaurant and point pleasant. You were in point pleasant. Why do you have to say it like a yenta? Without me? Well, you don't even know where it is.

Point pleasant New Jersey? No, New York, yeah. There's another point pleasant. Oh, she stinks. Oh. Anyways, Brooklyn is unbelievable. The versatile colors and patterns, you can mix and match effortlessly.

Whoo hoo, any decor. This luxury betting underpriced, you have to try it. Okay, let's say you do it. Offer, this is unbelievable. Go to Brooklyn and dot com. I'm gonna get $20 off your sheet. Right now, all you humps that listen to this show, lonely dudes, I meet them, just a single guy.

Now, fuck up, I love them. I love them too. I love him too I'm all fucking lonely this podcast Embrace the guys who are out there by themselves Trying to make it you're not the cool one you're not the fucking oh everybody thinks you're the badass You're not kicking you're just out there making your fucking way That's who this podcast is for, Michael. Right, Mike? 100%. Fanny, right? So I'm going to give you $20 off. All right. And I'm going to give you free shipping, free shipping when you use promo code, what dude at Brooklyn.com. Get your sheets,

pick them, all the colors, all those match it up. Go on your way out. promo code what dude at Brooklyn dot com get your sheets pick them all the colors all those match it up go on your way out promo code do you have one I do what dude 20 bucks off bam even cheaper Brooklyn is so confident that you'll love these sheets 60 night satisfaction guaranteeing that means sleep on them to do whatever you want for 60 night let's not get carried away don't be a douche be a weirdo you want to smell nights. Let's not get carried away. Don't be a douche. Be a weirdo. You want to smell animal juice, a snake shit when you return, but you know, 60 nights of sleeping.

Okay? Oh no. I'm gonna go get, who's that? Who is that? Whew. I'll tell you in a second, let me finish this. Who's that? Who is it? I'll tell you in a second. Let me finish this. So Brooklyn and dot com. All right, the only way to get you 20 dollars off and free shipping Go get everybody. Okay. I'd use promo code what dude at Brooklyn and dot com Brooklyn in dot com promo code what dude love the sponsor and I have these sheets

You want to pair? Go to the Brooklyn dot com type in what you should what size bed do you have just a regular queen? I'm not a rich California king tap money, but I have it Was it what is a California king versus a regular king so it's even bigger hang on one second. All right. Sorry buddy This is could be bad All right This is could be bad. Oh fuck. All right. Okay, we're back.

I mean, you hang on, like we're not ending the show. I know, I'm not. You're taking phone calls there. No, I want to thank all the premium members. God bless you so much. We're going to be doing a bunch of new stuff for premium members. I know it's a, you guys are out there. We got a lot of you guys that joined for a one ninety nine a month. I love you to death. We're gonna be switching things up a little bit. Like I said before this podcast has been going for five

years solid four years with these people. We got a new guy today. Want you introduce yourself a little bit. I am Zach. I am the new guy. Yeah, Zach. Zach the new guy. Zach the new guy. I don't think people believe in. He's not leaving, he's still around. We're gonna be doing, we're gonna use him in other ways. Right.

This network is growing, this podcast is growing. We're gonna be switching a bunch of stuff up. So bear with us, please bear with us and just, yeah, just coming up in as loud as you fucking can. No, I'm kidding. You're supposed to, there's a comedy club downstairs. Hey, what's happening? Sit, you're over here.

Ned, you're there. Ned, you're right here, buddy. We're gonna full house today. As I always do, we have a, we have a fan, is it raining out? Oh, yeah. Oh, nice. It's pouring. We have a we have a fan. Is it raining out? Oh, yeah. Oh, nice pouring. We got a beautiful fan. Let's get the fan right on the couch. Make them comfortable. What's your name, brother? Sam, how you doing, buddy?

Hey, hey, I don't like that. Mark's getting a fucking nice. It's my show. Why don't you fucking say hello to me? Tell you. He looks like you with hair. See, he insults you right out of the gate. I'm fucking welcoming you. You give me a hello like I'm your aunt fucking daughter. And you give him a, you give this fucking hip twat. Hey, Markey, he doesn't even like you.

Won't even fucking remember you. All right? I love Kevin J. You know what he, see that? That's two zings right away. Two fat zings right away. They're fucking, I can't button my fucking favorite team shirt Okay, whatever you got Fini in here before us. He's not cop. No, I did not

Here's what I wanted to do first of all I'm gonna tell you we I wanted to do an ad we have an ad We have this new sponsor, okay Brooklyn and and Dotcom, they're amazing sheets. I use them. I love them. They're the best. I wanted to do the ad. I wanted to give them the, you know, let's just do it. And then bring you guys up.

I told her to wait. She doesn't fucking listen like any woman. You heard me say it. Yeah. Oh. Like all women. They don't listen to them. I know.

I'm like my wife. She only hears what she wants to hear. And she brought him up. So I look up and there he is, and I confronted her, and she basically told me to go fuck myself. And then he said he'd fight me, punch me in the face if I let him sit down. Yeah, I believe I said hello and you stared at me.

And then you started talking to the microphone, so I went to back out of the room. And I said stay, but I'm a big fan of Mike Sweeney. Mike Feney is, I love him. I refer to him as the good looking kid. He's like, he's the male Lauren. Yeah, actually, he isn't a mouth cancer like Lauren. Lauren. Yeah, she might have mouth cancer. Yeah, which is, you know, so we're looking for interns. No, I'm getting. Oh, shit. You may benefit. What's the girl cancer? Shannon from gas digital, if you're still interested. I post mark. She's hot marks. She doesn't have mouth cancer. No, no, she might have asked cancer. Yeah, but she does.

Louis gave her that. Well, my mother just called. So, you know, any phone call I get during this podcast, my grandmother is dying. Oh, I'm very sorry. I'm very sorry too. My grandmother was my mom growing up. She was the one that I pretty much got a lot of my values from her as far as being a good person, holding the door one that I pretty much got a lot of my values from her as

well, you know, as far as being a good person, holding the door open for people and not being a dick, you know, to the rest of the world, not being an asshole, letting people go and quite a list of commandments. Well, she's a good person. Before you say something to get you punched, I'll choke you out like she's a bad memory. Grabbed you by the neck and you're all fucked up. Who's? Oh, yeah, look at me. Look at me. I'm kidding Mark.

Different tone. I would never ever do that. You can make you can make you can make jokes. Okay. I'm not about my grandmother's she's not dead yet. So don't make those jokes. Got it. She's on the way. She's on the way. What a great radio voice. Yeah. She's on the way. What a great radio voice. Yeah, she's on the way. Oh, it's like evil Santa. Yeah, she's, she's, she's, she's sex. Oh, she's 95.

Oh, that's a good run. Well, all right, relax. I would like it be a little, of course. My grandfather's 93. Yeah, we should look him up 95. Who wouldn't take that? Yeah, no, she, so that calls coming, and I don't want, you know, it's coming.

So my mother just called it, did not answer it. Oh, because it, you know, whatever. I'm ruined the show. I'm leaving. Yeah. We would be out, right? You would have to leave. I know, I just let Mark fucking do it.

I would probably leave, because I'd be emotional. Yeah, I don't want to, I don't want to stay on air and just get fucking the Bob Christ. Bobby Kelly cries and get a bunch of fucking clickbait like other people would actually do. No, you have to put it on. Anyway, so edgy, so edgy. Bob Kelly breaks down and probably shows us who he really is.

Anyway, so there you go. That happened. So it's a very sad thing. Very sad. Very sad. Yeah, very sad. I was kidding about I would never ever No, well, he's not serious. He made a bunch of good ones and you just shut your face. Oh wow, it's a bigo. Yeah, it's a sad moment. Let's try and I'll give a moment of silence There it is. I before you get into this. I have let's go through Let's go through everybody's here. To my right, we have Dean Del Rey.

Dean. Yes. The man who has a fucking, I mean, just travel the world you do. Well, I try to stay here. Can't afford it though. Why? I don't know. I can't find a spot yet.

Really? Just bounce around. Hopefully you got somebody that listens. That goes, my uncle owns a building. Every podcast I do, you're come on. Your grandpa has a place. You're with me in with no broker fees. Really? Well, why don't you, um, I don't want to live out in a story. What was so hard here in that fucking word? Hey, man. I don't live out in a story. I know. That's actually

more expensive now than parts of Manhattan. I'll take it. I'll take Manhattan. Why don't you move up to a Harlem? There you go. Harlem. One tent is beautiful. Yeah, you got the nobody lives up there. I'll live around here. Yeah, you can't live up. You look like the head of the Ku Klux Klan. You look at you just get out of the fucking prison. I got that haircut where I can't waze, lazy wave. Yeah, you can. I got to fucking go all the way up. Yeah, you got to show everybody those like cookie fucking space tattoos. Yeah. Yeah. These aren't pentagrams.

Yeah. Like they're like reptiles. Look at school. It's Scooby Doo. Yeah. Scooby snack. He's letting a cross on fire. Well, who else do we got?

We got Mark Norman. Hey, good to be back. Markey, Markey, Mark, Mark. Haven't seen you since the big eulogy. From the wedding. I mean, what do you call it? The eulogy. The other thing, the opposite.

I fucking, my grandmother's dying. Oh, fuck, I have to, I'm probably gonna, now that's, not eulogy. Jesus, officiating. That's not it either. I'm not a hockey coach. Oh shit. What do you think of fishy? Reception? No, I married Joe in. Yeah, that's not the.

I think you since the reception. That's a Eulogy. Well, yes, I married them, but it was, you know, it was a fake man. I mean, they were already married. Oh, well, it was a ceremony. It was a ceremony, right? I officiated the ceremony. So I guess you're writing a couple ways. He was so fired up. I saw him.

He's like, oh, I'm trying to come down right now. It's such a great week. And I was like, but you got married. Yeah. He's a mess. Yeah, some people like that. You fucking did. I love that guy who was just singled into the 50 fucked up.

Yes, I'm married and I love my family Literally love me and a husband and a dad love it when I can you like her on right? Oh, yeah They're fuck I'll tell anybody. I am a fucking emotional. Yeah, my my fucking senses are open. I cry and shit now dad Where you going don't go? I'll fuck I fucking canceled gigs cuz gigs because of him. I'm a fucking. Who's hey? I don't give a fuck. I've been a fucking hard guy my whole life and you know what? It's taxing.

It's taxing. Hey, how you doing? Fucking bitch. Suck my dick. I love. I love you. You know right? I've been married for 10 years.

I mean, I'll cheat on the bitch. Give me two. Bobby. He's just weird. The more I want to suck my dick right now, I'd fucking do it. Cancer mouth and all. I love it, but I love spending time with them. It'll remain. Yes.

We have good time together. Who else do we got? We got Mike Feeney. Hey, Kog. Hey, cutie, patootie. Two cutie. He said, he said, call the really hot guy with the good hair. I said, what do you want to go call the really hot guy with good hair? So Matt Prasad wasn't available.

Oh, you're in. That's it. Too cute. Too cute. Too cute, Fanny. You know what's funny though about what you just said though about being married. It's like, you can't, if you say being married now is kind of like, people look at you like you have some sort of, that's cancer. I think you actually said, head. I'll cancer, yeah.

Because, keep pointing at lavender. I'm gonna die and you're not invited to the first underground. Stop, stop. People do not die from mouth cancer. They're just gonna talk like this. Yeah, we're all gonna make fun of you.

You're gonna sound like, you're gonna be, you're just gonna be here. I'm gonna get one of those. You're gonna gonna talk like this. Yeah, we're all gonna make fun of you. You're gonna sound like you're gonna be a mic's gonna be here. I'm gonna get one of those. You're gonna just sound like Eddie Van Halen just. I told her not to fucking round. I'm not fucking my running. We have Joe list on the show today. No, I'm out. I'm gonna.

That's a tracheotomy. That's a great deal, right? That's a great deal, right? That's a great deal, right? All right, so the pre-eper voiceover for tracheotomy. You're here playing the part of Lauren. All right. So the pre-epper voice over for Tracey Ottomane. You're here playing the part of Lauren. All right, who else do we have today? We have Ned Kennedy.

Big Ned. Big Ned from the lab. I'll clap for him. Oh, I'll clap for the bull's own. We got, we're going to explain. We're going to go, he's here for him. And he came in today. He's got to, he's got to go to a meeting.

But I, I, I'm so excited about this app. I know we've plugged it. We've told people to go to it. But it's changing and becoming so insane, so unbelievable. If you're a podcast fan, if you like comics and you like the podcasts that they do, if you don't have laughable, you're a fucking moron. Where do you go? Because I'm gonna let Ned Taya,

but it's unbelievable, this app, but the evolution of it in only six months is ridiculous. And it's because of this guy. You rich? No. No, it's cool. But this is what it is. He loves us.

Yes. He loves the comics and he cares about the comics. So I'm gonna let Ned, now you take over for a second. I know you're gonna go, but I want you to. Say it out. This is like, look, you're on it. Oh, I'm on it. Well, with the old photo

Can I update the head shop? Absolutely anytime you'd like. So what is this? It's just everybody's podcast on one app the product today is an iPhone app Right going as quickly as we can on Android and what it does that no other app does is you can find all of the podcasts that Basically any comedian has been on as a host or guest. Oh wow. And until we started exploring this, we didn't realize how incestuous all of you guys are. You've all been on a few dozen or more podcasts. Mark, I think you've been on close to 90. Oh wow, how about that?

Wow. So over it's smooth. Oh, it's so smooth. It's so big. Oh, it's so hard. And especially, a lot of that is because you were promoting your Comedy Central special. That's right.

Don't be yourself. Comedy part of press for media. Let's just say this podcasting is radio now. Oh, yeah. That's it. Back. I mean, look, there's still great radio shows. There's Mike Calta, great one, Preston and Steve.

You got you got Kevin and Bean. You got Kevin and Bean. You got Maddie in the morning. You got, you know, toucher and rich. You got the WIF team. Morning and afternoons are fucking great readers. They're out there, but it used to be the only way we could get there.

And then it started, they started firing these people and replacing them with horse shit, right? And that we took over. And now podcasting is our true social media. Fuck Twitter, fake all of that podcasting tells you how many fans you got and where the fuck they are. And this app will tell you how long they're listening. Oh, they dropped the fuck off.

Where they're from, you can sell tickets to your app. But if I do your podcast and I come up there and people go, oh, I like Bobby, they hit my fucking head and all the other fucking podcasts I've been on. My show, his show, your show, haven't been invited on yet. Oh, please. Let me ask a question. It shows you when they drop off. Is that just for us, if we sign in like having a count? He's got a folder. fold. He's all like

fucking legit. Tiger Woods. No, it's mine. Wow. So that's the app. This is private. No, you don't have to have people see it. I don't care. Don't. That's the app today. You can do is you can subscribe directly to comics. Then we do all the work involved to keep you up to speed on when they're on podcast. So 84% score means how long they tuned in. Is that good? Yeah, it looks at how much people actually listen relative to how much they could have listened. You're really peak in the 80s.

84% is pretty fucking good. Well, let them finish speech. We started with podcasts. We're excited about the app. It's by far the best rated And we're excited about the app. It's by far the best rated podcast or comedy offering in the app store. Yes. But the longer term plan for laughable is, and we created this as comedy fans is to be

a this marketplace for comedy where each comedian has their own storefront. We can help you find fans. And then whatever it is that you're creating podcasts for a lot of comedians stand up. Web series, whatever it is. Live shows is how a majority of comedians, stand up, web series, whatever it is. Live shows is how a majority of comedians make a majority of their money. So what we're working toward, we'll be doing some some pilots in the app this fall for some shows that we're going to be doing at the seller is we're going to be able to make recommendations to our users based on what they've listened to and where they are. And to say, hey, Dean

Delray is going to be performing seven miles away for you next Thursday. They do buy a ticket. Crazy. I need that, hey, Dean Delray is gonna be performing seven miles away for you next Thursday. They do. They buy a ticket. Crazy. I need that, man. So comedy is best consumed in person. That's where most of the money is. That's how we, that's how we're going to be able to help comedians.

That's what our focus is. Podcast was really just a starting point. Now we're gonna be scaling up to everything you guys are doing, helping you grow your audience and make money. Here we are. And to benefit comedy fans. So we came in this from helping fans, but then we also got a lot of comedians involved

because we wanna make sure we're building this thing in a way that helps comedy. Is the app free? Yes it is. Awesome. That's great. Free app, Android coming soon. So shut your face, I don't wanna hear.

He's none of you. Shut up, it's coming. You know you're always second. Yes, okay. Yes, okay. Get on. Get on. In a live, I so.

I phone first, you second. I'm sorry. Yeah, but you can do your own thing on it. We know. Okay. Get on. In life. I so, I phone first, you second. I'm sorry. Yeah, but you can do your own thing on it. We know. Yeah. But you can make it. It's unlocked. We know.

The photos are nice. Yeah, but you can get a phone for free. We know. Camera. I know. It doesn't with snobs. Yeah. We're wearing polo.

Okay, you're wearing fruit of the loom. Mm. Mm. Mm. Okay. So Apple has it now. And Android is coming. wearing polo, okay, you're wearing foot of the loom. Okay, so Apple has it now and Android is coming. We got you. They got you. We got you. But this app, I'm telling you, if you're a comedy fan and you're not using this app, I know you like to go to the, the, the, the, the iTunes one and you're subscribing automatically does it? Fuck all that.

Oh, I got a question. Does it count onto your counts? Yes. On on lips and if you use a lip sin. Oh, then I'm in. Absolutely. Yeah, but how great is it that they can hear? They don't know who you are Dean. My some of my fans are like, who's this guy? I don't know the fuck you. And then they go boom. And then yours comes up. Oh, you're on his show. And now, oh, who is this guy? And we all cross pollinated you. Yeah, that's great. So we're actually getting fans from everywhere. So you do that show, you're gonna come up on this show

and that person's gonna be on that. It's almost like a rabbit hole you can go down. I've done it. I've gone on the app and just clicked on one person and then, whoa, she was on that. I always wanted to, and then all of a sudden, I haven't seen him in a long time. He's on a show that she was on and then he was on a show that he was on and you just Get on this whole and you can listen to all these amazing podcasts

But now you'll be able to buy tickets to our shows find it where we're gonna be live. It's crazy. That's great, man It's a beautiful thing. How long it take to build that fucking thing. I mean, how do you build an app? You know what I mean? Like I always know I always want we don't have time I'm gonna take you to build that fucking thing. I mean, how do you build an app? You know what I mean? No, I was one way to do that. Yeah, that's another podcast. I mean, just the gist of it though, did it take a year to build, or six months, two years? From when we first started coding it,

when we released it, it was probably nine months. Up and? I'm still working on my Squarespace spot. Yeah, and I'm not an engineer. So it's over. It's an old tugboat captain. But I saw, did you feel that one coming? What's that?

The lab? No, the line. Oh, I felt it. How long, how long were we going on that? And he told me, he goes, I'm still working on my space. Well, I got the whole website up, the fucking front page, man.

It won't let me put a whole photo on them. I'm feeling fucking loved, Dean. Yes, I feel like I'm an A. I feel like I'm an A meeting in West Hollywood. Oh, man, I'm a swear to God, man. You sound like you should be cleaning a gun. Yeah, I've been known. So you, this app totally advancing all the time. Is there any other, something else that known. So this app totally advancing all the time,

is there any other, something else that's going in this app that's gonna be crazy? I think the tickets is the most important. So you're gonna be able to buy tickets to Mark Norman if you see him or Dean, if you see him on my show, click on the name, you'll be able to go to his page and subscribe and buy tickets to his live event. We wanna take the work out of it for your fans.

So we let them know based, you know, for the people that have listened to you, the people that are nearby an upcoming show, let them know somewhere around 10%, probably less of the US population has been to comedy shows. I started this company after coming here all the time and seeing people like Mark and Bobby and just falling in love with comedy. Why isn't that number higher? Everybody likes going to comedy shows. Everybody likes listening to podcasts when they get into it,

but there's a high kind of initial barrier. So it gets 10%? That's probably generous. So how do we get that number up? Life shows are in total over a billion dollar business. I think it can and should be way bigger than that. I think the key is just making it easier for people to know what shows to go to.

Because once you go and you feel that feeling in your stomach of just unbridled joy, there's nothing better than that and then people come back the second time. All right. That's crazy. I think it's crazy. I love technology. Oh, wow. Laffable. Laffable and you get this up on iTunes right now. When is Android? When is that going to be coming up six months? Hopefully. It's just a totally separate process to do. It's a whole other app. You have to build, right? Right. But what Android listeners can do is they can go to laughable.com, slash Android, and just sign up.

You'll be the first to know when we have an app ready for you. And if you're already using laughable, thank you so much. We appreciate that. Email me. It's just n at laughable.com. We've really taken to account what our users have to say as far as what we build. And if you haven't checked out laughable yet,

just go to laughable.com slash download, check it out. And our focus is comedy, but we also have tons of non comedy shows where I work shows every day. So it should be able to replace whatever podcast app you are currently using for all of your podcasting needs. It's incredible app. I'm down. I use it every day.

And here's the thing. I'll tell you this. And if you're a fucking millionaire out there, you get a lot of cash. You want to invest. Now's the time to get in touch with this guy right now. If you want to invest into this app and you got some cash, you should do it. This could, this is probably going to be one of those things.

Yeah. You know, right now, if you have an apartment building on the other, you know, if you have a apartment apartment, yeah, I'll take that. And you need, and he can be a super three days a week Yeah, right I said fucking turn down the music you do look like should have a park a pack of Marvel rolled up in your sleeves and a lot of keys That guy's name on Fucking the soup on that 70 show Fuck up for God one day time remember that guy? Yeah, I actually said it. I

I'm the one who came up with it, but what was that guy's name? I think it was a fuck I'm stalling He was so salty come up like Nice. No, it's a crazy shit. What was it one day at a time super? God yeah, so she's typing in the 70s. They don't need that. Just type in one day. Oh 1970s. I know it's name. It's a good name. Oh, not Hooper. Hooper from the stars. Who is it? Super. It's something like that. Okay. There you go. Come on. Full cast and crew. Yeah. Click on it. Well, this shows we cover a lot of ages. Yeah. What is it? Well, they don't have the, they don't have the,

oh, you son of a bitch. They do, but she's, there he is right there. Yeah, his name is Cooper. No, that's jaw. That's her. Cooper. Now, who is it?

Somebody on the chat room. Alan Havie. No, that is somebody not have that. Who is it? Here we go. There it is. Schneider. Schneider.

That's the restaurant. No, Schneider. Schneider. Ooh, that. Right there. There it is. Schneider. Schneider. That's the rest of the plane. Schneider. Schneider. That was worth it. Look at that. That's what that salty was. That's me, right? I come on. Yeah, that's you. You're going to get a vest. And a pot belly. I had that mustache last year. And a career. More coming at me. Hard.

Well, I'm trying to get things moving here. Yeah. So anyways, man, thank you for coming in, dude. You can hang out if you want. We're going to be, you're all right. I'm good. Yeah, stiff as a board. Yeah.

You never know it. No, it looks like an edible came off. Yeah, like that. You looked over and he was like, oh, they dozed to me. It looks like a Nettable came off. Yeah, like Nettable. I don't think it. You looked over and he was like, oh, they dozed me. Like he had a ghost in it. A Nettable. He always has a shine in his eyes.

Like you don't know if he's about to, right there. You don't know if he's about to break. Oh, right. He's a twisty. He's a twisty. You're a twisty. Have you seen American Psycho? I like it.

He's not. He's not a twist. I've had this since I was it. He's not at the church. I've had this since I was a little kid. My leg is constantly. Oh, the leg is? Oh, so the problem? That was not funny. I have Malcian.

That was not funny. It's a hierarchical. Separately, I also am a serial killer, but separate from him. Have you ever murdered somebody? Nobody who didn't deserve it. Oh, what if this was the he was just being dead honest? He said it with a dead honest face. From a year from now we find out,

and he's like, I told you on the show, I killed people. I killed people. Murder me first, please, just take me. Don't murder her, just cut the cancer out of her job with one of your sharp blades. Well, this app is fucking amazing, and I'm proud to be a part of it. And the people, a part of it, a great.

We're all supporting you and we're gonna get this sucker. I mean, this is the future of comedians apps. I mean, for comics to help us. Because we do these podcasts and the fans are out there, but we want you to come to our live shows too, which is what we do the best, I think That's why we do the fucking podcast Almost a lot

I mean, yeah, I mean I do to get butts in the seats Yeah, no shit, you know, I mean, how long you doing podcasts? Five years Wow, we have five and a half years on my couch How about you there? Fucking cute Doing podcasts? Or doing my podcast

Why do you talk like you should have an English accent? Doing podcasts? You my podcast. Why do you talk like you should have an English accent? Do you have podcasts? You really do. You talk like the chick from breakfast at Tiffany's. You're headburned. A lot of data references in this. I'm sorry, you young twink. I mean, what are we going to do?

Upgrade everything for you. Ninja Turtle jokes. That would have been great. A little too old. No, how old are you? How old are you? I'm going to be 30 everything for you. Ninja Turtle jokes. That would have been great. Yeah. No, how old are you? How old are you? I'm going to be 30 in two months. I'm pretty in here. Yeah, you're old.

Yeah, you're fucking. Wow. You're going to, like I said, the guys like you are just gorgeous through the 20s and 30s, right? Just a flawless. But you got to be careful at like 50. If you don't take care of your skin, you're gonna turn, you guys go quick. Well, my dad was like my build,

and now he's like 250, 275. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Wait, Bobby, you're dead? Ah. Oh, look at it. All right. Well, you were hot too.

He's giving you good advice there. He was a hot guy at one point. Yeah. I was. Yeah, really? Can we have a photo? Well, there were hot too. He's giving you good advice there. Yeah, he was a hot guy at one point. Yeah, I was yeah, really We got a photo No, I never had the facial hair though. I wish I could when I first met Bobby at the laugh factory He first of all I came in and killed with this joke about person is wife over which maybe laugh my head off But he was wearing a biker leather jacket, but sweatpants Yeah But he was wearing a biker leather jacket, but sweatpants. What the fuck is that rule? Yeah, I didn't give a fuck.

It was like he rolled out of bed and got on his imitation motorcycle. Yeah, was it like 78, 79? Yeah, 77, I believe. Clark soccer, I was born in 70. All right, you fucking hairless twink. It's a joke. Oh, that's him at the Golds gym, sir. That's me right there. Oh my god. Come on. It's a joke. Oh, that's him at the golds gym. Sure. That's me right there. Oh, my God. Come on.

Get out of town. That's Christy cello. No, that's the jizz. They're headed on Aaron Burst. She was that shape. I, yeah. Oh, that. Are you wearing varnays? Yeah. What is it? Varnays. No, that was, no, that was one. That's Shade Skelly. That's when I had a Shade Skelly. It's Kelly. Yeah. I used to have a whole box with a sunglasses from gas stations. Really? Yeah, I used to wear a different one every day, depending on my mood.

Shade's Kelly. Shade's Kelly. It's a sexy. We're still waiting on the line. That's shut up, dude. That's way, I would back in that day if it was me and you next to each other. First of all, I'd get all the pussy around you. And the dick. You wouldn't get out of it. I'd take it all. I'd suck it and lick it and fuck it. All right. You're so lucky.

You're funny, Mark. I'm talking about the fuck. If you weren't funny, you wouldn't be getting half the tail you get. I'm aware. You get a lot. I mean, you get a lot of good tail. I'm doing all right. Dude, let me tell you, he showed up at the wedding with a smoker and his confidence is it makes you want to throw

up. Cause he's got sneakers on, it's sure it's about, he's got a beer and the smoker tagging along and he's just sitting there, hey, oh, hey, you look over, he's just having dancing by himself. He's the Chevy Chase and this fucking shit business right now. And all I can hope is that someday he'll be the Chevy Chase late too. Fucking gray-haired FATO all by himself. And everybody thinks he's a cunt, broken knees, and back.

I call him Donald Glover, the inward. Whoa, did he know he did, yeah. Man, this is five years ago in community. Whoa. Whoa. Oh, that's right. He got it. He said the trailer was written into the show.

What I'm saying is he's still funny. They got the plastic ring. son was written into the show. What I'm saying is he's still funny. I was I was watching an episode. Somebody put it up on on Facebook. I don't know episode of all the family where Archie goes to the Jefferson's. It's amazing. His son's wedding. And the bride's parents are a black woman in a white guy.

So Archie in the middle of the, so you're just genius writing. I know. And he's sitting there and he called the grandma the mommy, right? And he's like, well, that's when we call you. I don't know, you know? And then, but then they're all, it's all racist. He's just, Arch't you just being racist and they're calling him out? And then all of a sudden, the father comes in and he's white and then Mr. Jefferson's like, fuck that.

Yeah. He was racist against the, it's just this. That's great. I mean, you can't, you can never do it now. I wish they did hilarious. That's so fun. That's so epic. Cause they don't know that it's a black and a white couple.

It's like, you mean they don't know? And then the face he makes like, Oh, I gotta see you. Oh, he's the best. Ah, he's the best. What a great show. It's said that that wouldn't work now, because you can do it.

Yeah, but. It's not that it wouldn't work. It's that, nobody will fucking, nobody will say, you know what, fuck get picked up. Nobody will fucking, nobody will say, you know what, fuck it. Yeah. Nobody will say fuck it because they will be attacked

by whatever group it is. And they don't want that. Nobody will take the hit anymore. Yeah, nobody will take the hit. That's why everybody's going to fuck YouTube and doing podcasts. Because we can't, you can't do anything without having somebody go, what the fuck?

Everybody, you go in, they check your Twitter feed, you're going to audition, they're looking at your Twitter, their Facebook, everything. One fucking twok and go find something you said or did and bring it up and tell people and they, and then everybody else will glam onto it, no research and you're fucking finished. Yep. But a little what the fuck is good, you know, like I feel like Bill Berg gets shit on all day long by these groups, you know, women's groups and all this, but he just ignores it and he keeps going. Yeah. Also Netflix stands behind

them. So if you can't get fired, you're going to be able to say what you want. It's when you're on CBS or NBC, right? And they got something they can take away. Well, yeah, Netflix does stand behind, you know, I mean, I don't know who else does it. I mean, you petrified. I mean, look for a show. At Fax was the show that back in the days showed man-ass girl-ass, said asshole dickhead. And they were like, they were like, everybody was shocked, like, oh my God,

because we were so used to these Tiffany networks that you can't say the seven words and blah. And they were like, fuck it God, because we were so used to these Tiffany networks that you can't say the seven words and blood. And they were like, fuck it, we're cable. We can say whatever we want. And people like rules and people not like it, loved it. The shield, right? The shield, the shield. Rescue me. Breaking bad. Just I always say, I don't even know how that show got me. But that kind of show. Always sunny and Philadelphia. When you look at that show, it's all the things that everybody would throw you out of the picture room for you.

Well, the guys got cancer. They go, oh, no, next. And they go, all his son is mentally challenged next. Oh, it's crystal meth. No, I don't even know how that got fucking me. Because AMC was just reaching for a fucking life. Because they were AMC was American movie channel They played old fucking movies Western yeah, and it was like which I I'm not gonna down the movies because I

But they'll play movies just watch movies and they said fuck it. We're gonna get into original content and they took a risk Yeah, they don't understand that people want to watch fucked up shit. Yes, we don't want to watch the Brady bunch anymore But they they they keep fucking jamming it down our throats and I don't understand that people want to watch fucked up shit. Yes. We don't want to watch the Brady Bunch anymore. No. But they, they, they keep fucking jamming it down our throats. And some of it is, it's not all bad. Some of it's good, but most of it stinks. Well, the good to do.

Those arcs killing it. Those arcs killing it. Those arcs killing it. I started to get it. I was all fired up on that. Yeah, right. I don't know what that is. Like three episodes was good. And then the fourth one I went, oh, what the fuck?

It's a crack up. But yeah, ground zero of crack. But who, but you knew that wasn't going to be good. Yeah. Well, it was black people. So we're like, oh, maybe they'll take a chance, you know, because they let black people go a little further. Yeah, but you knew that wasn't going to be good because we've already covered that shit in our lives. Right. Right. I've already seen it shit in our lives. Right. I've already seen it. It's the most beautiful. Ever all those amazing movies, but they were real.

Now this, this has gone, there's no way this is not going to be a, I haven't even seen it. But there has to be politically correct. Yeah. Well, it started out pretty fucking weird and good. Like, there's a scene where this gangster fucks this other gangster in the ass, just a humiliate. I'm watching it. I'm like, yeah. I was like, I'mate. I'm watching it. I'm like, yeah.

I was like, I'm back in. I was like, this is good. That's to a piece. That's to a piece the guy. Yeah. A little man on man actually with crack. And then the fourth one I was like, what? No fun intended. All right. I don't know. It's weird. I mean, like, I had that show that they fucking told me to go fuck myself. The drummer one. No, I had a show that I pitched about Being fat, you know like it was you know a fat addiction Kevin James vehicle or David Keckner had a pilot. Let me tell you something I went in for a two years ago called whitey It was going to be the new all in the family. It was fucking smoking this pilot and it was basically about

Keckner and his buddy get laid off from Ford auto plant and they live in Detroit and their jobs are being taken And so it's this racist platform But they live in this neighborhood and it was great and never got made. I was like this is gonna be smoking on YouTube Super edgy man, this thing. Yeah, but seeing people be racist, and I'm just saying white people. I'm saying black people, anybody being racist, it's interesting. It's funny. And it's real. It's real.

That was the point of all in the family was he was blowing up what people were doing out there, the lunacy of it. You know, that's why he. Right. Yeah. And he was a idiot. He was the fall guy. It made fun of him.

Right. Yeah. But he also learned. Yep. He evolved. It very slow, very, you know, piece by piece Archie would evolve and be like, I write you don't call them collards anymore. Yeah. And you're like, all right, at the end of the show, you're like, all right, this fucking dumb person learned a little bit.

Yeah. And they had the left wing liberal who was never wasn't always right. Who was wrong sometimes too. Everybody was wrong. People were right. And then you had this beautiful fucking dingbat in the middle. His wife. Yeah. Who would be the voice of reason? You know, the person that's not with the worst voice ever. I'm worse than that. Rather here. Oh my my god That was terrible. That's that's all that's all look at me everything Can you make out with Dean real quick?

I'm telling you My breath smells from the cancer This is the shitty part about the industry though There's such pussy's and hypocrites if you put that whitey show on YouTube and it blew up, they would buy it. They would buy it. Well, maybe we can make it work and blah, blah, blah. So they want the money.

If I bet you, I bet you, look, it's like, you can't do a show on fat people. Right. Because they're afraid. What? Of what? Because it's not drugs or heroin or, I don't know whatever the fuck it is.

There's most people who watching TV or fat people. People with, I mean, look at the couch, right? You'd watch it. And the guy. Jubby, wouldn't you? I mean, you could sit there in this fatty. You were a fatty, right? You used to be fat.

You were fat too. I used to be fat. He was fat fat. Yeah, fuck that was 200. Wow, a year ago. Wow. Absolutely. We put up a photo, just Google image Dean Delray.

Go to the Rogan podcast and look at me there. I was like, it's like clip. It's like they wouldn't do it because of, you know, you don't want to offend fat people. It's amazing because I do a diabetes joke right now because I got diabetes and that's why. And you? Yeah, well, I don't have it offend fat people. It's amazing because I do a diabetes joke right now because I got diabetes and that's why I knew. Yeah, well, I don't have it anymore.

I reversed it. I didn't know you get rid of that. Yeah, you can reverse type two. Type two. Yeah, that's type one. And that's the last factor. Yeah, now I'm gonna hop up up up right there. There you go.

Yeah, he kid me. What was it? A vibe. Yeah. Yes, the cowardly lion. Yeah, how about that? How? There's a Rog. Yeah. The cowardly lion. How about that? There's a Rogan podcast where I'm about to.

That's the Tarantino movie. You're like Henry's a bros. What Tarantino movie? Hell ride. Yeah, that's the one no one saw. Jack has no one responded to when you said, Hell ride. Exactly. Remember those four grindhouse ones that I got ran over two years ago next week.

Crack it. Crack it ran me over doing 70. She stole a rod and hang on one second. Stop for one. I forget that we get it. You're fat enough of that. You got run over. Yeah.

I'm scared. Like when I say run over, here's the thing. When people get run over, they say that I pitch you the car going, you say run over, here's a thing. When people get run over, they say that, I pitch you the car going, dook, dook, dook. Run, you got run over. Yeah, yeah. By two tires, one tire, here's what happened. I was riding down the highway doing about 60 on the 110 in LA.

Get your motor. It was, yeah, and it was labor day. Some fucking crack head stole an escrow And I'm gonna make it We I got Bobby didn't know any of the lyrics is. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You just wanted to do that. Yeah.

Because it sounded fun when I did it. Yeah. That's most people. So you go carry out. Carry out. Carry out. Carry out. Carry out.

Carry out. Carry out. Carry out. Carry out. Carry out. Carry out. Carry out. Carry out.

Carry out. Poke. I don't know. That's all right. I was going to give him the bomb bandana, but you know what? He's Schemele. Yeah. You get a buffer like the lower bar when the kids bowl and they have the bumpers. Fuck you.

We give you the fucking Kadiaki. It was funny. On Exxonation. So the stolen Eskawade. Yeah. She's fucking crackhead stolen Eskaw sure was last year wasn't 20 years ago I know right and she got onto the highway and just fucking Wowed me over doing 70 wow I was on the motorcycle this ride and I heard this

Boo and I went what the fuck as soon as I said what the fuck is that? And I went what the fun as soon as I said what the fuck is that? Oh my god, did you go over the glass? She hit me so hard I flew down the freeway like a rocket and when she hit me She smashed into the guard rail and her front tire fell off she spun out took the whole highway And I was just broke ribs Just look at it. She did that or she would have ran me completely over and the other cars might have fucking Shut the road down. I was in the middle of the highway Give that helmet. Yeah, I had a helmet, but look I ripped my arm out open here. There's nothing left there

Can you get a rebate on that tattoo? Yeah? Surprise it's still there right because I wouldn't they have to go in it off Should have gone can you get something over that a redo it? Oh is that not I just kind of like it now I know I'm not saying it's bad. Yeah, it doesn't gross me out at all But I'm just saying like could you get that read done if you want it I'm sure you could it would just be that spot would be brighter than everything Well, they were just kind of good lighter on it. So we kind of look But man, I was fuck no health care. I was doing spots. I was doing spots. I needed money

So I would just take these pills and I was a totally different comic. I was just kind of like all right Like just fucked up on pills. Yeah, it was brutal. Dino man Well, fuck it. I I had a motorcycle Honda 500 shadow Saddle bags 500 shadow. Saddle bags. I did. I made my Honda shadow look like a Harley. Yeah, because I put all this. I croned it all out wherever I could put these saddle bags on. I put my new money at it. And then I remember I was on the highway coming back from the Hampshire once. Had my half shell on, let the jacket, headphones, stonthemple pilots. Hey, oh my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man.

I don't know any words. No words, hey, oh my man, I'm on my man. That's my thing. Which one are you doing, though, is it? I'm, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm on my man, I'm not that one I was Kariaki, which one were you doing? I was doing the other one was the other one I know it's okay D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- I'm a little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, here, dude. No, you're not too cute. You can't get the boys. You're not that's too cute Hairline to rough

I'm not too cute. The voice is there Yeah, we get too cute. We get too rough and we got too much And to dead I'm not a comment. I'm not a comic. I'm not gonna try to compete with you. No, please don't. No, please don't. I don't know, because...

Okay, so you had a bike. I had a bike. I went down. I'm coming down. I had a windy road in the Hampshire. I was listening to St.Table Piles. I had my helmet still on, because you don't have to wear one in the Hampshire.

Soon as everybody gets in the Hampshire, they stop at the rest stop, right on the highway, take it off and they go, I was a sucky dick. Yeah. And I'm driving and I'm just not, you have to be able to be fully aware of what you're doing the whole time. I have too much ADD to ride a motorcycle, because I think I was just such in this, I was just swaying and I was on the highway pegs and I was the song and I was just like, I was like, this

is so beautiful and the road turned and I just didn't turn. And I remember I was going into the side of the road and I could have leaned, you know, turned out of it but I got nervous and throttled which brought the bike up and I could have leaned, you know, turned out of it, but I got nervous and throttled, which brought the bike up, and I went, woo, woo, and I just slid off the bike on this room. And if there was a car coming, I'm street pizza. Yeah. I remember just finally stopping, and I was street pizza.

It's always food with you. Yeah. Yeah. Too cute. Yeah. You know, the feeling of sliding down the road is like I can't even describe what that's like. People are like was it slow motion? I was like no absolutely not. It was just like and I was like and you reach out to stop and your hands just peel out

the screen. Because that's your thing I got. And then my back was sliding. I had no skin on my back. Is that what that term comes from? Yeah, no skin off my back. Yeah. I was laying there.

Here's the creepiest thing that happened. I was laying there and I was like, whoa, what the fuck happened, man? And this guy comes up and he goes, are you okay, man? And I was like, what the fuck? Tell me it was a lot of burden. I look up, it was another comic, one of my best friends, Kevin Christie. And the first thing I thought was,

oh, you see your friends when you're dead, right? Oh, really? Yeah, because why would he be here on the highway at one 30 on a Monday, and no man's on him, the first guy? Yeah. And that's what happened. He threw me in the car and went to the hospital. Wow.

He took me in his car. Now you just left your bike there. Oh, it was demol, you saw a photo of it. It's demolished. She hit really. Oh, yeah. So you had to, did you paid for that? I got paid on the bike, but nothing else.

So the insurance of that person's car you had to sue. I thought I could sue them and then they claimed it stolen. Yeah, that's not on them. Right. It's not on them, but they did, they did do something really dumb. They left the car running, which the cops said, isn't illegal, which I, it's not. So here's how people in car jack now in LA, they don't use guns anymore when it's hot out like right now. It's hot for weeks. They go to gas stations and people leave them running the AC and go in and get cigarettes or, or, or a soda and they just jump in and drive their ride off.

I used to, when I used to steal cars as a kid, that's where we did it. We was dang in front of this Alexander's drug stop. It was like a market. Yeah, a little tiny market. And people would just run out to get milk and leave their car running with the keys in it. And we just, yeah, we just jumped it.

We were riding, we stole them. We go taking for a joy ride and then we just get out. Yeah, we was talking, we were bringing them down to the Puerto Rican dude, you know, how much, you know, it's he's fucking hacking them up. Chop, shop, yeah, chop shop. And then why are all Puerto Rican's going to be chop shop? Cause that's the way it is. Yes.

Okay. Yellow them. What a handlebars are gone. The back part, you can't see because of the logo. It's completely smashed in. Wow. The frame was bent. That worst part is I looked for that bike for 10 years.

That's a specific model. Was it a hundred or four hundred? Yeah. And I only had that for seven days. Oh, seven days. Botted in Arizona when I was on the road. What kind is it? It's a Harley FX R, but it's super.

Off it. That's an FX R. Yeah, and they stopped making it in 94. Yeah, that's a, what is that? A 93 FX R? That's a 93. Exactly. Super.

I'm kidding. I'm just eating. Oh, yeah. Anyway, and then I go. I got the blue. Yeah go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go 93 version of that by say turquoise. It was right. Turquoise turquoise. Well, how do I say it? Tweak voice. I'm gonna fucking. I swear to God. I can't sir. You You don't

Bubba you don't do you really think you have cancer? Yeah, I really do. No, I substance up. Can I see it? It's not right. You can't take it only feelings. It could be the Michael. Yeah, can I I start my daughter to my gum my lower jaw? right. You can't take it only feel it. Malterps. It could be the Michael Douglas. Yeah. Can I? I'm not. I started to my gum my lower jaw. It's a anchor. No, I know a canker.

Can I use the head of my penis to fear? Scope it. Oh, that's terrible. Dude, I got rid of my bike. That was the second fall I had. Oh, second. First one was at a red light and I tried to go and this dick cut me off from the right lane We could both turn but he turned too tight

And I went down and I was like, uh, whatever. That's just a shitty. I ran into a piece of shit That one was my fault right and I was like, I'll fucking die on this I will die on this because I'm not when you ride a motorcycle You have to be aware I'm not, when you ride a motorcycle, you have to be aware 100% of you have to ride defensively and offensively. Yeah. 100% of the time. You can enjoy it, but you can't, you know, you can't get lost in your fucking dumbhead

like I did. I was too, but it's not even that my, my friend was on a motorcycle and you're just sitting at a red light and an old man just fucking plowed into the back of him And he lost his arm. It's crazy I never now because I used to say that I would have one close call a year and there would always be like Fuck that was close now. It's once a week because it's all textures in L.A. They're just I saw girl She's driving next to me and I'm honking on my bike like hey pay attention she's FaceTimein

Just FaceTimein she was singing she was singing out the thing like She also didn't know the word. I think that was the other pilot song banana splits theme song We must be the same age yeah, how, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Why is 40, it's just nothing. What? It's like last 51 year old line. Yeah, what is seven, it's just nothing. You guys don't even know about credit card, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I think 51 is, I mean, it's old.

50 was great. I had a great 50. Now, are you doing, I'm thinking of doing this testosterone thing. Are you doing it? No, what's that? I don't know, Maybe my friend Joe and everybody I know keeps saying that they're on this testosterone thing. We take a shot and

just, you know, because look, when you hit your forties, your metabolism, everything slows down. You get a little more tired, a little, you know, I can't, I'm not, you know, going to the gym and fucking blah, blah, blah, blah, and getting my shit together is a little harder than it used to be. And, you know, your testosterone goes down and that's what happens. And I mean, your body's getting ready to fucking die in the next 30 years, you know. Get diabetes, man. I'll change your life. I recommend it.

He will. He will. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. I literally was like, and I stopped. And this fucking, both of you, you were on a two, you fucking two cute.

Thought you knew nickname, Bob. That's fun. I mean, two cute. It's better than other things I've had since I've been here. It's bad, Con. You're too cute, he's too con. Too con. Too con.

I'll take you, Con. That's a cool rapper. Too con? No, too con. Too con. That's how many fucking con he has on him every night. I'll take you've got a cool rapper You're gonna know you've got That's how many fucking country has on them every night. Oh, blah blah fuck. I suck Bobby I gotta get out of here. Oh You hear you got some you got some murder in to do yeah, I check myself out now. He's got up

He's actually got to do he told me he's gonna Hold it. Yeah, give him the That's for Dean. Oh, that's for me. Thank you, dude. And I'll email you tomorrow. Demon. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. My show's not doing as good as I thought it was. Hang on. No, it's actually doing really good. No, that's why it's interesting. Wow. This is good. No, it's great. It is, but it's four comics. It's great, too. Yes. Is that, but for the fans, it's just ridiculous. If I can just not hear once, when are you coming to Denver? I was just fucking there yesterday.

Fuck you. Where were you? Well, just when you, every year you've just used to be. Yeah, such a comic. I'm like, where were you? Come, come to work. I put my record there.

I fucking can't, they, they won't use me again. That's club in the country. I don't know. She won't book me there again. What happened? I don't know. Well, how many are you talking about? She won't book me there again. What happened? I don't know. Well, how many times you done it?

I've done it three times. And something happened? Something must have happened. What? I don't know. I'll put a word in. Yeah, me too. I love that place.

Yeah, like, do you really know, nothing happened though before I go in there and they go, oh, here's what happened. Well, I think the last time, oh, the last, I was there twice, I think, and the great times, both times, really just killing it. And then the last time, it was like a slow night, I think on one of the nights, the last night. And you know, there was this lady in the front talking, the whole time.

And then the guy before me went up, the studio's cool, but he's like, oh, wait till Bob Kelly gets a hold of you. And it's like, dude, don't set me up for that shit. Just get him kicked out. Stop talking to them. You're on the show so we can get this person out. I mean, I'll weed out the crowd. And it was like, fuck me. And she was just one of those drunks who wasn't saying you sucked, wasn't, yeah, but we'll just say something after every single in the middle. And I was like, can you stop pleating it? Just kept going,

I was like, you're going to get five. I'm going to tell you to get the fuck and there is these three, this group of young, I don't know, I would think they were, I'm assuming they were lesbian girls. Whatever. But here's the thing though, I love lesbian. They love my show. I'm not going out there going fucking hell for mail this and fuck chicks and I'm not doing that. You know, I actually, you know, I have a lot of lesbian fans who love my, who come to my shows all the time.

I love seeing, I love lesbians at my show because to me, that means I'm saying, I'm doing, I'm saying something right. Right. As far as I want to be saying, that if a group of lesbians can come to my show and have a good time, oh, okay, I'm saying, I'm saying things the way I want to say them. They're hearing my shit, right? You know, and I actually looked at them, I go, I know you probably not, you're not going to like this and you're going to sigh with her, but fucking sh- you're announced, you know, I should get the fuck out. And I kicked her out. She was like, no, but I, it's just like one of those things. It was like, who, someone has this? Why am I dealing with this? Why didn't

they kick her out? I'm surprised. I don't know. And it could be, that could be nothing. That could be not, they, she might have just watched my set, but she might have watched my set one. That could not be hit. It might be like, no, I just saw her and I think he fucking stinks. Yeah. I don't think so. I don't know. I mean, I mean, I like especially now they get a new condo. Yeah, it's a fucking real world. It really is crazy. You have to stay with everybody right? No, you don't know. It's on your own, dude.

There's a local guy featuring. Yeah, yeah. And if you bring a feature, he's on the other side of the loft if you want him to go for bedroom Yeah, anyways, let's do it. You're right me and you yeah, I do a you yeah, you want to start open it for me Too cute all over for you I'll go out with you. I'm I mean stay in the same room. No, I said money. Oh, there's a man. Well said money stay in the same room I'm not too old fight. I'm not too old, fuck. I'm not too middle-aged dudes jerking each other off. Storage fights? You guys can sit in the room and just go,

and, and, and, and, and, and, and, yeah. Yeah, well, well, jam and I end the way. Man, for the whole weekend. No lyrics. I'm the animal. I was so excited to fucking take two cue with me. Look, you want to fuck two cue, but not me. That's rude.

Hey, man, look, man, I'm not an ageist. I'm just saying, I love you, no? I'm with you, let TQ play you. What? Would you let TQ play you? But I let him. He would be so honored. I know.

Ah, nice. You know what else is the bummer by clubs? I just did the club. And you think you're the worst visual in my just fucking me and him just in a whole tower. I'm having a good time and then him going guys guys. Good. What is it? Oh, I just did a cloud.

It felt pretty good. Like good turnouts. And then you get that sheet at the end where they tell you how many comps. And you're like, oh, well, you got to put you. What you can do if you don't want it. If you do one or two things, you're like, oh, well, you got to put, you can't, what you can do. If you don't want to, if you do one of two things, you just say, fuck it. You pay me this much money, give me bonuses. Conquer sold.

No, I do do that. But I'm just so, don't fucking look at it. Hey, listen, getting some traction, you're getting some pass. There's nothing to do with you because they, they're giving those tickets out no matter what because they're, they can't wait for you to sell those tickets. You might have a ton of walk-ups. I've done a show where a ton of walk-ups came up Friday night, you know what I mean?

And they're like, we're here to buy tickets and it was fucking sold out. With randos. But you know, you're gonna either put, you either gonna take the hit and go, no comps whatsoever. Okay, and I'll shut your face and go comp to your soul and get the bonus. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Look, I don't know why people stick to people. I don't know how you can sell it a show when back in the day, there was a certain amount of comedy clubs in certain places. Now there's five comedy clubs in every fucking town. Yeah. Okay. Especially Arizona. And there's five comedy clubs in every fucking town. Yeah. Okay. Especially Arizona. And it's not where I was. We stand at life. Tempe. In pro. Five fucking clubs there, man. Stand at life is a shit. That's a big

room. That's five 50. But yeah, five 50. But they also do a great job of selling that room for you. They do. So I look, you can't look at that shit. You know, you can't until you're, when you, when you're selling the fuck out with that thing that happens, that I don't understand, there's people doing theaters. I don't get. I don't understand it. I'm like, okay, wait a minute. Yeah. I'm not tooting my own horn, but I'll fucking let me go on. Let me just do that show. Dude, it blows my mind. I've been trying to figure out, they should do a documentary on how something sticks and gets traction, be it rock and roll, or comedy, because all of a sudden somebody will just come out

and know where, after like 10 years of being in the business, and boom, and you're like, well, wait a minute, I've done all the same stuff. You've done all the same stuff. You've had shows on, you got a hit podcast, and you're known, and you're like, well, wait a minute. I've done all the same stuff. You've done all the same stuff. You've had shows on. You've got a hit podcast and you're known. And you're going like, what the fuck is it? You never know.

I love how you switched it up to me in the middle of that analogy. So people get actually followed because it was you and people are like, we have a what? Well, yeah, nobody knows me. But what I'm saying is it's bad for my mind because I played music all my life. And it's the same thing. I hear you, Dean, it's a weird thing

that you never know what's gonna stick and how. I mean, girl code, stuck. Huge. I mean theaters, guy code, stuck. Girl code more. Yeah. You know, those girls are selling out shit every, just banking it and they sit down

I'm like I'm in the company for 20 years I'll go on anywhere anytime after I don't give a fuck and I'll fucking murder Right and it's like what the fuck well people like shit people like McDonald's like if you go on YouTube And you look at a Conan said you're like I love this comic whoever the hell I'm not gonna say anybody's name because it might be set and you're like, I love this comic. Whoever the hell, I'm not gonna say anybody's name because it might be offensive. And you're like, wow, he only have like 100,000 hits. And then you go on some fucking hack. And it's like four million. Yeah.

35,000, it's like, what the fuck? Yeah, you don't know what that stick is. Yes. You know what, man? Yeah, but when they stick, whoo. Oh, that's why I love like Burr's career because. Yes, you know what I mean? I hope.

Yeah, because he's going along forever and then all the sudden People find the good shit somehow. I think after a while. Yeah, I'm tired of shit. Oh, here's something real okay But like yeah, it is great and he is man. He's amazing But he took that that that heckle fest and Philly to break him really fast man, but like that's not that that's not what broke him I think that was a big part of it. I think that exposed him to the industry. Yeah, in the Chappelle. Chappelle was first.

He was on that. Nobody. But also, wasn't it? Also, then I think it was the like two specials that were that were smashers, man. That was after the heckle. We had a word about that. He said, Mike over there.

Yeah. He said the heckle he thought was gonna ruin his career. Yeah, we're doing a sir Mike over there. Yeah, he said the heckle He thought was gonna ruin his career. Yeah, it's exactly what I was there. Yeah, I told them it wasn't really 11 more minutes. Yeah, yeah That's the one of the amount of comics shitty comics that have tried to read like recreate that while bombing and being like I'm doing the whole time and all the comments like please don't create that wall bombing and being like I'm doing the whole time and all the comments like please don't like a half stutter you know it's great about that is like I had never uh... when I started comedy is right when that kind of happened yeah so I remember I was on the road specifically in Arizona with the guy and I said who's uh... some of your favorite

colleagues in the guy goes all bill burman if you see this and he fired that up and I was like holy shit man it's the best shit I've ever seen. But it's comedy. But the thing with Burr though, when he's comedy's just he's finally, it's that thing that you hit where you're just you, your voice, what that is. And he can lay that into anything now. He can just, I mean, I was at Versi's taping, Paul Versi. Yep. Fucking had a great one hour taping. I mean, I was at Verzi's taping. Paul Verzi. Yep. Fucking had a great one hour taping. I mean, just killed it up in Terry town. Awesome. And Burr and Pete Davidson actually produced it for him. And they hosted, too, right? They hosted. Well, they came out of the beginning and they were fucking around.

And they both, they're both hilarious. Pete's funny. Really. If they told a funny story about Instagram, it was just as weird story that really was hilarious. But then the camera guy was coming up and burned. He just, you know, he was just, he started riffing on the camera thing and it's like, dude, this could go into an hour. Like, what the shit did he say right now? He was just fucking murdering.

If I was verifying, I'm like, did you get off? Yeah, yeah, I was just, seriously. I wouldn't even want to burn. You know, I tour with burn. It's it always blows my mind because he'll go, all right, I'm gonna go out there and do 70 minutes, man. I gotta get off, you know, and he'll do two hours. And it'll be like smash or I'll be like dude.

Wow. Crazy shit. Yeah, mom. Andy does his solo podcast twice a week. Yeah. Hey, speaking of. Yeah. Is it unlappable? His podcast, yeah, it's him and Rogan and then everybody else. No offense. Really? He beats Rogan? I take, uh, Rogan probably takes it depending on the metric and the timeframe, but the two of them are, I do take a little

of that. Do you know the top 10 off the top of your head? Uh, Corolla. Two stases in it. No. Well, part of it is that, you know, the people who promoted our show tend to be more popular. So, you know what, dude, it's definitely on it. Hey, hey. Two stases on it. Two stases with what? Two stays with stories. Oh, thank you.

You got a podcast? Oh, yeah. What's it called? Two stays with stories. He's the thing. It's in the top 10. All right, yeah. I checked this out.

I'm going to do a little ad real quick. So fuck you. Don't tune out. Uh, don't, don't leave. Right here. We're a little ad real quick. So fuck you don't tune out Don't don't leave right here. We're gonna do it together. Keep your headphones on too cute Bring up the link or You obviously it's me and then Adam oh you do the links. I'm sorry I'm sorry bring up the I feel so bad for you You're already fucking practicing

Where is the uh well the cypress hill? Oh, thank God he smiled. Um, yeah, I could even look at him. We're still vetting him. Did you do some video games? He did, right? Yeah, Zach, does Zach the new guy? Oh, we got Adam Adam.

Adam, I'm a bradum. Chris Coppola, 2.0. Yeah, handsome. And then we got Zach. Uh, yeah, he's the he'll fucking murder you. We're not it's not it's not out yet Well, I'm a little nervous around him, but I'm waiting to see if somebody fucks with me and he protects me or let's it happen Got it. I'm hoping you'd fucking you got my back, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, we had a lot of back

You're making voice jokes. Yeah. You okay, Zach? Yeah. Okay. I see. Yeah. He's the type of guy that you don't know if he's going to cry or fucking rip you.

His anger is either tear-based. It gets so rich. Right. I'm good, man. Yeah. Check this out. We're right now. Let's talk about deep discount. I'm good, man. Yeah, check this out. We're right now. Let's talk about deep discount dot.

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Go down, go down, where is it, where is it, where is it, where is it, where is it, where is it. There it is, no, there it is, yeah, the wow, wow, I got that complete series. Oh, great. I've heard about it, but I never, incredible, I watch it a little bit here and there as a kid. Yeah. But it's the original one. I love the original one. Oh my God.

I love it because they wear these just little vests. Yeah. And it's basically James Bond, but in a Western era, it's incredible. If you're into bond, they got weird fucking, the shit under his boot all the time. I love it. I got that series last week. God, that's great. Yeah, it's unbelievable. So this is I love it. I got that series last week. God, that's great. Yeah, it's unbelievable. So this is what you do. Go to deepdiscount.com. Just click their logo on my homepage on Robert Kelly live. Riotcast.com slash Robert Kelly. Just click the link.

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All right. I beat you to the joke and I fucking just said thicker. Well these are. I could have said'm gonna thicker. I beat you to the joke, and I fucking just said thicker. Well, these are... I could've said mine better. I was right there, but I pulled back, all right, and then you took the shot. Go, go, go, go, and you took me down. Get your motor running.

Oh, heavy metal. Ha, wait. Oh, no, no, no. Look it for excitement. Oh, whatever comes my way. I'm gonna make it happen. Listen to laughable. Did I like this site?

Did you have a bad tempered inside man? I knew actually I was looking at the shit on there. It's like, oh, hey, last man standing. What is this site? Read this crap. I can't read that shit. Bob burgers to a, yeah, it's got a lot of stuff on it. This page is great. Bob burgers is great.

I should get that too. How much is that? Bob's burgers. What is that? 14 bucks. That complete for season. That's why it's great. It days and confused at 1976.

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Having a DVD or, uh, or a blu-ray or something, I kind of like it. I know that it's out of style, but I kind of like it. Anyways, um, yeah, God, what a day. Boy, Bob's burgers. That would be the ideal gig,'t it? What's that just going to do a voice? Fuck that's my child and leave Right everybody's fan money. You can't even get into it now too because the people that fucking once the big stars realized wait I can just do this at my house. Well, they fucked us on TV too. Yeah, right. Because back TV was new people land. Yeah. TV is where actors went to become movie stars maybe

or they just had a life of theater and acting on TV. And you were a TV person and movie people stayed in movie film. But all of a sudden, they took some fucking washed up movie guy who was the shit that we didn't know was washed up and he went and did a TV show and the TV show fucking popped and all of a sudden his career was back and he was making $60, $200,000 a fucking episode. And now, you know, it's like, it's all mushed and mingled and you can't even get into

the fucking TV now. Yeah, TV's hipper than movies, That's why TV's better than movies. Yeah, writings fucking better. And the story's better because you can watch it year after year. It's not one time pop. Yeah. Wait two years for the next version of it that might not be as good as the first one. I mean, unbelievable. I mean, Game of Thrones is a fuck. I don't care. I know you don't believe in dragons.

I know my friend Joe, through the dragons that will kill it for me. I know fucking, we know dragons don't exist, Joe. It's a spend fucking reality for a second. I know you've got a change with lists. If you feel like something real. Yeah, it is. That was real too.

That's not even a joke. That was acting,. That's not even joke. That was acting, folks. What's that guy on another reflex show? I couldn't get a shinges list. She really should be comfortable. I was trying to save you from the shinges list. Yeah, because yeah, your heart was like, don't say it. Yes.

And your comedy heart was like, do it, plus E. Pushed it down. Anyway, shinges just, just in case you do get a show on CBS and they go back, no, he said something about Chin those lists and you go, no, no, no, no, that shins list. Yeah. I was a show I wrote with Joe List. That was a mate. It was a, anyways.

Yeah, it's, it's TV's crazy now. Joe's a great, you know, I have an audition today. I have to put myself on tape for tonight. That's crazy too, as you go home to your fucking my shed. Yeah. You know, I have the ability to swing blade style back in the shed. I'm going to give it to you now. Who is why that's why I get put on your mic so you know what it is.

This is why I'm giving it to you. Let me see. Yeah. Yeah. Because you weren't right. If you just, you weren't right into another question like it was a serious. Yeah. Not almost like that. No shit. It's a split of lack of confidence.

Whenever you say shed, to me, it's exactly sling blade. There's nothing more shed than sling blade. I have a shed. You've never been over my house. I know. You never invited me. I watched it on Instagram. The fight everybody eating barbecue.

I was lonely. I was lonely. I was lonely. Okay, buddy, you can come anytime. Call me, you have my number, and just say, dude, hey, I was gonna pop over, is that cool? And I will say yes. All right, you could absolutely come. I didn't want to be that guy.

You're not that guy. I'm telling you not that guy. I'm in then. Yeah, dude, you can come over. Can I give you the bomb, rag, rag? No, you that guy. I'm in then. Yeah, dude, you can come over. Can I give you the bomb rag? No, you won't. No, you have to wait until somebody I think it's firing every two cute. If Nen said something, it'd be him, but he's he's fucking I bought some may weather.

He's gonna be I thought you were leaving then. I don't want to interrupt the show. Stay you can stay if you want to. He said he had to go. You. No, you can't. You're out of your hand. I'm just, you're just good. You can stay if you can stay if you want to. He said he had to go. You want to stay, you can stay. Stay. You can stay if you want to stay. He wants to go. He wants to go.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. We just know, we're just saved someone's life. No, you have a good time. By myself, haven't I? Everyone wants to, everyone wants to want, no. Every once in a while, just say something. I don't care what it is. Yeah, just reach out for your murder.

Murder. So what were you saying, Deanie? Yeah, you could come anytime. Too cute. Wasn't invited as well. But you when it came you were at some, I gathered Dave Stoss. Exactly. Some fucking middle or queer party.

Oh, I guarantee you is some. When I saw you getting that, when you put up that Instagram picture or Lauren put it up Whoever put out of you with those the the try tips that you were against Like that, but you're never really saying comment it on it being like wow that looks great. You never already said He was like he was like nothing better than barbecue and real friends. Yeah, whoever and whoever's not invited is a piece of shit I look man you should Whoever's not invited is a piece of shit. That's pretty much. That's how I do it.

Look, man, you should. Yeah. That's what I meant. When I, when I hashtag, good friend, but the hashtag, good friends was a joke. Hashtag joke. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Just everybody always does hashtag, good friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, I fucking, I look, man. You could have came over, you could have come over, you could have come over. I, but I, I know you're loyal to your little fucking you know What what are they have for snacks?

There were there was wings pizza wings from where I Actually didn't by the time I got nobody made those wings They were I didn't make it. I didn't make it. Look at his lies. Yeah, yeah. There was a beer wing. My wife made a fucking pretzel.

We had a Shaqutari plate, cheese plate. Yeah, I had no one. You're not. I'm not trying to sell. We had Shaqutari. Yeah, no. No, you think it was weed and beer. Exactly.

Yeah. I don't, that party's whatever. That's a fat party. I had, I had fucking cooked sausages. This big from Dom's and Maulden. Stake tips. I had fucking cook sausages this big from Dom's and Maulden, stay tips. I had little sweet sausages, garlic sausages. I had hamburger, Kobe beef hamburgers.

This is an adult party. This is for men and women who are adults who like to enjoy life. Okay. My wife made a blueberry crumble. No, listen to me. My last time my wife made a blueberry crumble. No, listen to me. My last time my wife made this, the barbecue I do every year for my son.

You know, it's a bunch of comics and people. It's like 50, 60 people. I looked out and Amy had the tray of blueberry crumble just in front of her and she was like, I'm not sharing this. Like that's how fucking crazy this blueberry crumble. I would suck literally put a man's cock in my mouth till completion for this blueberry crumble.

Wow. I would watch that. I know it was. It'd be your cock I was sucking. Wow. That was cool. That was cool. That was cool.

Thanks for having me. I love that man's cock. That was so hard. That was so hard. Thanks for having me. I love that guy's cock. I got it. But yeah dude, we had, oh my god. And then this is the greatest part. I'm sitting there, Dante shows up and his fucking apocalyptic truck.

Yeah, I saw that thing in Kavanaugh's Hill with his face on the side. But he shows up late. And it's fucking, I mean, it's dark out. This fun, the whole neighborhood lights up. Yeah, I thought a fucking UFO was landing. Yeah. It's his truck with his LEDs on the front.

Yeah. And then his stomach, the chubby bass, it hits his train horn. Yeah. Where? I'm literally, my asshole opened up and went and then shot a little crumble fell out I'm my dude you can't do that. I am gonna fuck the sub or this is in Brooklyn. Right. Yeah Where you at now, I'll tell you off here. I'm in Westchester. I'm up. I don't know So anyways, we do what a fucking party. Ari comes up. Yep. So this is why I love Ari.

Ari, I'm party. Great, I'll be there. Love Ari. I don't have to fuck everybody else. We'll train, do I take? What station do I get off at? Where do I go? How do I get to your house?

He just figures the fuck out. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? He's like, all right, cool. I go, yeah, white plane station. You'll see a start to eight come when you want. Fuckin' just shows up. And he's there. Yeah took the train white planes

Took a uber my house had my address and he's there Pro's the friend Paul Morris. He is something. Oh, he's a cute kid Yeah, he was a good guy. I fucking it was so funny though. He was he was cool guy He's a really cool guy, but he showed up and I when some I don't know him But he was like I'm bringing a friend. I was like bring him up. And when some, I don't know him, but he was like, I'm bringing a friend. I was like, bring him up, you want, I trust you. And he brought him up and I'm just trying to be,

hey man, do you want this? You want that? Can I help get some? Can I hear you? Have tried some of this, you know, whatever. It's just that fucking gumbaw whop shit in me. Love it. And I just want every, I want to make sure you,

as I know, if I went to somebody's place with somebody else and I don't know the host, I'd feel a little like, oh shit, where I want to make sure you, if I went to somebody's place with somebody else and I don't know the host, I'd feel a little like, oh shit, I want to make sure you don't feel that. You're welcome, whatever you want I got. I'm giving you a little gold VIP treatment now, from this is my, and at one point I was like, yeah, you know, you're cool, you need to go, it's relax, man.

But he was, really? Well, he was like, he was at your own home. But that's when I, I, I, but he was really, well, he was a relaxed. He was at home, but that's when I, I, I, I, I ground my teeth, I was like, I could, I could give a fuck if you're quiet in the corner and nobody talks to you all night, not even my kid, my kid walks by you and ignores you.

Relax. Relax. Relax is a little, I hope he's aggressive. No, he, he said, he was saying it like, dude, I'm good man, you know? Like he was, he was, then you say that. He's like, spider, you shoot him in the foot. Yeah.

Exactly, I was like, but Verzi's the best because I got Cubans everywhere, Hoyos. And as Verzi says, the Jordan of cigars, right? That's the best, just a great cigar. If Hoyos, part of this, all Cuban and I grab one, you smoke cigars, grab one. So he goes, what should I smoke? I go this right here. My favorite to go. To Hoyo, you welcome to it. It's a Cuban. I'm giving you a Cuban. So we're smoking. So I've got watching if I look over in the astray and there's a fucking Hoyo,

with two puffs taken out. Oh, $98 right there. I literally go, I go, what the fuck is this? Versi out of nowhere, in another conversation leads in, he goes, that's a fucking travesty, that's what that is. And he goes back to his, go back to cleaning his sneakers. Go into his sneakers. I have this big buck knife that you just flip open

and I clap, clap, clap. I go, who's this? He goes, oh, that's mine. And I go, I flip open my knife and I go, you're gonna finish that, right? Because that's a fucking Cuban. It's a whole yell. Yes.

You're finishing that. He goes, no, no, no, no. I'm like good. And then I just cut the end of my cigar. I go, you better fucking finish that. Oh, man. No, it was funny though. But yeah, the party was insane.

The food, unfuckin' believe, and a dull party though. You really, you really sold me on the experience I want to go to from the beginning. I had a blow up, I have a blow up projection screen. Oh, really? 100 feet, 100, 100 inch, I have this little mini projected from Brooks nodes, hooks up to my phone. We watched the fight

It's a hundred it looks like a plasma outside it. Wow We're all it's crystal all outside Sit in chairs smoking bats eating fucking steak. Yeah blueberry crumble chips I watched it yeah, I watched it in the back of the stand because my spot was canceled because no one showed up on a periscope feed of another guy's periscope feed. I watched the dad said I watched Reggie Bush's Instagram. I was like, it is like, oh, fuck, oh, get him. Get him.

I was the only guy in the stand. Yeah. So the two guys that came to see me, two fans in the podcast, I look at that. We watched. We watched it on PlayStation 4. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

The app shut down. Yeah. The whole app. David, by twice. Yeah. No, you don't buy it twice. She's wait a second and rebooted. I'm suing them.

No, that's a dick by tell. You see dick by tell when fucking crazy. Why? Because he had the same problem. The UFC app crash. He's going on this crazy Twitter. I went, I went, what the fuck wants on Twitter? And they wrote back, well, it will be fixed in two seconds

Relax and it was a crash for a second because 10 million people went on at the same time because everybody's a douche And doesn't pre-order it and they all wait to the last second. She we do it now We do it now Maybe right now no no now Gush and 10 million people did fucking apes Hey, man, all right just push the, gosh, and 10 million people did fucking apes. Hey, man. All right. Just push the button that morning and nobody would have that fucking problem.

Hey, man, relax. I'm doing a call, more. Yeah. No, you, so anyways, he, yeah, it's, but you had it. Now, what food did you have? You had chicken wings from somewhere? Wings, some pizzas that came by. Oh, yeah, that's original.

There were pretzels. Oh, pretzels. They wish the pretzels. Oh, pretzels. They were supposed to be honest. It was a great, great little pretzels. Yeah, I think you know the party stinks when the pretzels are the best. They were in the highlight, I'd say. Oh, they had a mustard to die for.

They're the taste of the party. We had enough. People were fed. Oh, shit. Pretzels. They're dead. I told you, look it, too cute. Please, next time you go to one of these fucking middle parties, just come over.

You're invited to where you live. I had a great time. Yeah, it okay. You were high on Molly. Yeah, well, I was just like, when you smoking pot and that, that's what goes along, right? Yeah, so I was doing pot. We doing pot. And I was drinking, yeah.

Of course, yeah. Which by the way, on the side, we had 12 year Macalon. I would have loved that. Yeah, you know, you know, not the 7th hour. Oh, I'm on board. We had Gregus with fucking along. And Jameson, lime pellegrino. We had pellegrino. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, from a very, it was already a barricing moment. You saved it from being much worse at the stand. I don't know if you remember that.

What happened a couple weeks ago? What happened? When you came to judge one of the roast battle things, I had just come out from outside in the backyard, just freshly high, just like out on another planet, and I saw you, you were in mid conversation with somebody, and I just walked up and just went, hey, Bobby, and I was like,

I'm just gonna say hi and keep walking. And I was like, hey, Bobby, and then you were like, hey, hey, how you doing? And then I was like, oh, God, all right, now we gotta start talking. So then I was like, hey, what are you doing? You go, I'm just gonna say hi and keep walking. And I was like, hey Bobby. And then you were like, hey, how you doing? And then I was like, oh God, all right, now we gotta start talking. So then I was like, hey, what are you doing? You go, I'm judging, are you on this? And I go, no, I was here last week.

You should have been here last week. But wait, you weren't here last week because you were on vacation. And then I was like, you were just sort of talking faster and faster. And you literally just looked at me and you just went, you're doing too much. And then I just, and I went, thank you and walked away.

And it was a greatest thing. Because if you didn't say that, I was just going to keep talking faster and faster until I wept. Too, too much. Yeah. I got stoned in seven years and went on Diaz's podcast, Joey Diaz about a month ago. And he said, come on, Cox Sagger smoked this. And dude, that thing's on video.

I took a hit and blew it out and we're listening to van Hailey like getting ready to start we start talking and fuck I was gone People who had to go to the emergency room. Oh yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop. Who are you? I was so fuck really people have to go to emergency room because it was weed Yeah, yeah, cuz people pass out in his podcast. And so I was like 10 minutes in and he was talking and he kept saying stuff. And if you watch the video, I'm like, yeah, yeah. And I mean, I was, but he has though, because I've seen I look at how much

smoke we'd in 30 years. Yeah. But if it's different now, when he, when he, when he, when he does his things Listen to And he smoke and you like oh god it looks so good He really does exactly. He really makes you go fuck. I'd love to just be a stoner just sit on a beach Fuck get fucking smoked with him and just talk shit. Look at that fucking flat ass That bitch is got the worst ass I've ever seen but I still stick my dick at it. What about you? I do that and it looks good I'm like oh I can't wait to smoke and then I get high and I go what have I done?

Exactly. I don't like me when I'm high go this is a huge day a podcast or something where you need to Form I think you're a weed person or you're not because right right right? Yeah, what cuz I like to be up and as soon as I'm fucking so shown I'm gone. Is that mom more fan? God I'm terrified. Oh Don't do it Lisa. No I'm doing my podcast. We're on the air right now. Is everything all right? Oh Jesus Lisa. Okay, I'll give you a call. Okay. What a everything's good. Everything's good Lisa Lisa, okay, I'll give you a call. Okay. What a everything's good. Everything's good. Lisa

All right, well now how is your kidney? What? On Jesus now can people still go to eat what's the site for them to go to and maybe find out if they can give you a General transplants Lisa Kelly, right No, you just go to national transplants. I don't have that link just for me anymore. Oh God I can say that you're interested. They can say they're interested in donating for me. Okay Because I'm in their system. All right. All right, Mama.

Thank you. All right. I love you. Bye. Is that your grandmother? No, that was my sister. Oh, I didn't know it. No, sister has a kid. She needs a kidney. Wow. That would have been terrible. Oh, shit. But I did. I did. It's a terrible and save me for being the biggest buzzkill on this podcast. Thank you. Oh, we got a singing. Yeah. I feel like I'm on the He reaches a beauty for I don't think I did I mean, I don't think I did Good but you're not a ball. I think I'm not a ball

But no, I was I was very happy that you managed to somehow. You, because you know, is it sober person? That sucks when you see somebody, and it sucks if you're a stone, and you see somebody sober, and you could tell that they know. Did you know that, or did you think I was just, I was just rambling? Yeah, no, I knew you were fucking. He doesn't even remember. Yeah, I don't know.

I knew you were a little tweaked. You were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, the ones that you could tell right away. You're like, whoa dude. I don't like talking to the people that have, their fucking pupils are fucked and they won't shut the fuck, whatever that drug is. So you've never talked to Lewis J. Gomez, is that right? I thought it was funny.

These cowards don't want to get beat up. I mean, I think it was, you know. And she's a skank by now. Yeah. She really is. No. That's the first, that's the first thing into skankville is getting mouth cancer.

Yeah. That's the initiation. Before you can go blow, blow whatever the fuck they do. I still think it's mouth. She first, she first has to get, she has to get genital herpes from Dave's dick. So now mouth cancer and then she's got a full blown skank. Then she gets the tattoo.

Yeah. I'm never gonna skate. I got a blow big J. That she gets the tattoo. Yeah. I'm never gonna skate. I got a blow big J. That's the last thing. Yeah. That's the final entry. I'm never a wearing hooded wheel. You have to suck a half-hard putt.

Yeah. Took completion. With the hardest any feelers, mittens on your face. That Jane wallet, Jingland. The hardest part is complimenting Lewis on his act though. Oh That's a toughy Me it's like my good-hide-to-dug loves no, it's getting Doug with high. Oh, I'd get high with dov you fucking Stoner getting going with high. That's what it goes. Is it?

I hate that fucking quippy shit. Well, it is a doozy. Getting dug with high, get it, shut up, just say it. This weed, I don't understand fucking, like how's fucking strong it is. Like I swear, PCP before. Really? That was better on the PCP than we, how old are you?

Come on, dude. Look at the number of quail boots in there. Dude. Are quail boots still around? No. How old are you? What? You guys remember Kuelut? I got still a refraue. Kuelut still around? No. You guys remember Hunter? The show Hunter? I started that. Holy shit, Deenie.

Kuelut, PCP. I remember when I was a kid, I didn't do it, but there was kids who did PCP. Yeah, you want to get And they fuck it. Yeah, they they go you got twisted off that ship. You go by by off some guy slipped it to me like a fucking Angel dust Elephant tranquilizer That is so you know, I probably weighed about a block 40 when the guys

Passed it to me. Hey backstage after a show, I played music and I hit this and I grabbed it and I blew it out and I go, dude, that tastes like lemon pledge. It tastes just like somebody blew some lemon shit in my mouth. We got it. The other pledge was awesome. Why'd you fucking, some people don't know. Lemon pledge was great and in your backed out, you got it. I'm gonna go, it's like tasted like the lemon. I'm learning great and then you backed out, you didn't have to be honest. We've got to go and psych tasted like lemon.

I'm learning from you. I'm learning from you. That was awesome, Deany. And the guy who tasted like lemon pledge, you had us. The guy who tried that, and he goes, ah, that's the crazy eddies. And I go crazy eddies. And he goes, yeah, the angel test.

And he tapped me like that. And I was like, yeah, right. I thought he was like, he better be lying. I fucking 10 minutes later, man. I could not move. It was like, you wait. It was like, you were metal. And the whole ground was a magnet.

It was like, and everything was like, blah, blah, blah. Why would anybody want to be like that? I know. You can enjoy it. People just blaze around on that too. I got a lot of it. Fuck that dude.

You are gone, gone. And this weed is equivalent. Well, some weed, I heard Snoop Dogg, there was some weed that Snoop Dogg was talking about that you can't do straight up. You have to cut it, oh you'll fuck it. It's the closest, It's like crack. They made weed into crack, he said. Yeah. It's like the closest thing. I think it's like weed that

you smoke has 20% THC or something. This has like, I think 80%. Well, that's like dabbing. Those guys dab. Yeah. I don't know if they've done that show in Toronto. Yeah. This is it right here. The strongest. Yep. Why don't I just do that? What was that? I think my move. I set them. Moorock. Yeah, Moorock, go to the video. There's a video of it. Go back there and do a video. Yeah, I always try to get the video. Watch this shit. Where is it? Where is it? That's it right there. Right there. Right there. Right there. Right. Oh, second. Yes. Right there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Gotta work. Why are you going so far? Why are you doing? I'm I It was

Only 40 seconds go back Please go back to the seven and a half minute ambivalent video Dean I apologize. Okay. Thank you. Can I give this back yet? I Pup listen you told me to click on it. I know I'm fucking I know but I didn't tell you to scan it You said I Do it my fucking thing with my wife I

Saying Special hand delivery. I mean you hear me Most talked about Yes, they're me federal Regillated what? Suckers in a vein. Oh shit. Definitely Hydrated and penetrated mocha get to your mind great and give you what you miss that moon rock baby. Oh, that's not it. Oh boy. Oh my god. Yeah. Look out of that. It's one. It's one. It's one where he explains it. Wow. Scroll down. Look at that. Scroll down. Oh, can you go to the other one with just

have me a scroll down a little bit. It's all right. We can take a second. Wait. We'll separate that funny Chelsea. No, it's not it. Scroll down. I don't know where the fuck it is. Snoop Dogg on weed two minutes. No. Passpot interview. Ever? No. Scroll down. I don't know where it is. Anyways, he was he was talking about moon rock. Can you type that in school? The takeaway is it's a very strong. Yeah, highest weed Snoop dog highest weed. What the fuck does that mean? What the that's what she typed in it came up right there. No right there. That's it. That's it right there. Listen to this shit Marijuana and they live in better and they doing better. So this is what I stand for I just want some more rock to get high Snoop how are you some more rock is too much?

That's it everybody you say I don't want to try. Charlemagne. Charlemagne. Look at me. Yeah. More rock is too much. Too much. If you don't smoke all the time, you don't want to start there. Yeah.

It's too much for me, though. Really for me. Well, and that guy smokes you all that whole interview. Yeah. Where's that view interview with Charlemagne? That's the whole one I want. Fuck. Scroll down. Yeah, Charlemagne. That's the whole one I want. Fuck. Scroll down.

Yeah, Charlemagne. Do you know that spell? No. You don't, right? Okay. Second one. It literally says underneath it. Oh, boy, we got 41 minutes. Yeah, let's just air this.

Oh, yeah, we got it. There it is. There it is. We got it. It's a high. It's very powerful. Listen, I just walked right past him. Like, he like, Snoop, my hot dogs are waiting for you. No, I'm good.

Listen to. Well, we see him working as fast as you know, you're there. Yeah. We think the momentum is, yeah, let's just try it. Just try it. Yeah, just try it. Yeah. It's not Lawrence. It's not your fault Lauren You got that chart where they tune off Five minutes ago literally had it's really gonna like I just did a fucking read for toys. I rush Look it that's like taking a caller

right now. Oh, look, it's like taking a collar. Um, really high collar. Anyways, yeah, I can't I wouldn't be the weed they're making now is just fucking nuts. Oh, it's great. I mean nuts. But they're smoking the shit. But some people, some people make weed looking, they make it look so good, right? Yeah, of course. I'm doing a show. This guy starts dabbing its wax and they got like a hot iron on it And I'm in the middle of the show and the guy just goes fucking face down on the floor And I look at everybody go hey, I think that guy's dying right there like mid-set of mine and they go I dabbed out man. They just left him there and then he popped up later like a fucking summit Yeah, I don't want to do that and then they high-fived each other like yeah I don't want to do that. And then they high five to each other like yeah

I don't want to do that. It's like free-basin. How is Denver working in Denver crazier now? That is oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Is it worse? No, no, it's alright There's a bunch of tourists on Edibles there and they think they can handle it and they go out and buy shit And you see them walking around street freaking out. It's pretty funny. Actually, the crowds are good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They got it. My shit for an hour. What's that? Let's do it. Let's go to them. I gotta get it. They gotta get us back in. I'm gonna make the call on the first time. I'm out of here. I'm out of here. Did you guys ever call when I'm out of here? There you go. That Denver comedy works as the same with me with wise guys. I went out and did a one-nighter. Yeah. It's a good room. On a Sunday. That guy had never used. I kind of I filled it up 200 people. I went out and did a one-nighter. Yeah, it's a good room. On a Sunday. That guy never used, I kind of, I filled it up.

200 people, I filled it up. Yeah. And they had a call and poise in. They go, we thought there'd only be about 40 people here. I crush, have a great night. He goes, yeah, okay, man, I'll email you and get your headline in a week and two years now. Nothing.

Hit him over and over. That guy, you know, it's weird with these guys, though, is that sometimes I think that they just get full. Like they just booked their shit and they're like, oh, thank God. And they're like, oh, fuck. And they can't book everybody. And they, there's only, you know, I get that.

I was worried. I mid-set, a joke didn't work. And I just said, it's a Sunday night and some club. You think I'm gonna give you the A-shit as a joke? You know, man, he might have been back there like, oh, this is a fucking A club, man. You never, you never, you never know. You never know.

I just said no to a club. Yeah, really? I see, yeah, because it's like, I have to, at this point of the game, I have to enjoy the people that I work for. I can't work at a club that I'm going to get fucking stressed out. They're going to fuck with me. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm just going to be the whole time up to it.

Be like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Yeah, that's true. And, and then, you know, and I know you don't give a fuck about me. You know, I know you're, I can, I can do math. I can do numbers. How about, is it that bad? But the club. No, it's fine, but it's just, you know, whatever.

It's just like, there's a certain number where it's like, you know, and then if I say, look, you know, you offer me this and I go, what about this? And you go, nope. Like not even a, it's like, look, you don't, you don't want me there. You want me there for this. So you can make that, I'll go there for this so I can make this.

And if you're not gonna budge one second, then fuck it, you don't really, I don't think you really want me there. Right. If there's not a good excuse for it, you know. That's luxury, that's a good spot in your career. I have to, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's not a luxury. I had to, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,. I fucking love to do theaters, but

You said stick thing again not to bring it back. It's like, you know, hopefully laughable. We'll fucking take care of this shit Please before he goes to prison, right? Dayraping a man Too cute. Watch your back. There you go. Check it out Are you hiring Not right now. They don't have any money. I can't pay the employees. You know where to post your jobs?

To find the middle of a fundraising round. Let me ask you guys a couple of engineers and I'm marketing for them. Do you know what a post your jobs for to find the best candidate? Zip Recuder.com. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

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Unlike other jobs, say, Zippercruder doesn't depend on candidates finding you. It finds them. In fact, 80% of the employees that post post on Zipro Gruda get quality candidates through their site within one day. What do you think of that? Too cute. Love it. Wow. I mean, come on, man. It's just too cute. I mean, I don't know. A little more oomph. Love it. No. You just want more words. You don't want op, you want more words. No, I want fucking society. If I needed to hire somebody, I mean, I'd be some sort of a fool if I didn't use Zippercruid.

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to find the most qualified job candidates with immediate results. And right now, my listeners, you can post for all you son of a gun's out there. Clean it up. Even though he just did a fucking corpse joke. Oh, mid-add. Oh, sorry, I forgot.

That's a long ad, huh? Yeah. My listeners can enjoy Zippercoder for free. That's Oh, sorry. I forgot. The long end, huh? Yeah. My listeners can join Zippercuda for free. That's right. Free. Let's go to zippercuda.com slash what dude? Right now that Zippercuda slash what dude? Mm hmm. One more time. Try it for free. Go to zippercuda.com slash what dude? Yes. All right. Is that where you got B real slash corpse fucker. Would you fuck my corpse? Sure. Thanks. I tell you what man. It's a compliment. We're up from you should use the precuda. I use it for you. Yes you do. Do you

put cream on your bottom lip? I have to because I'm dying. You're not dying. I went for a hike yesterday. Get back right here. Shut up. Where'd you go? I went to, you know, because I live in Westchester. I don't know.

Chester. Is that by that casino game? Stand back. No, no, no, no, no. What's up, Dan Bergs? That's good now. What's the state? What's up, Dan Bergs? Dan Bergs? The Anonis? Yes, by Yonkers? Newer Show? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no's Ari, a fucking fascinating young man, who roams the country and does comedy and-

He is a hero of mine. Yes. Well, yeah, well, I woke up yesterday, and I realized I live up, there's like fucking 10 hiking spots right near my house, 30 minutes away from my house. This, I saw I went up to the one called Anthony's Nose. What?

Oh, who am I? And it's also Lauren's first boyfriend. Anthony. Anthony the nose. So you can't. Too long. Yeah, she was, she was Lauren the chin. We got it.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Now she would Dave the dick. Yeah. It's got a big dick. Yeah, it gave you a fucking mouth cancer. Yeah.

Yeah, I hope you like it. I hope so. Yeah, that fucking joke gave you fucking mouth cancer. Yeah, I hope you like it I was that fucking You got pictures of his dick dick pics. That's all for me bro That go too Jersey Jesus what are we AC?? But if she makes sense, why are you at D? What are you? I've seen his dick. Yeah, why are you asking?

I mean, you are. You did step over the boundaries, Adam. Because I do want. I always laugh. Our girls just have their phones loaded with the recent dick, you know? Yeah. Always.

And then they just save one later when they break up. I love. I love I love. I I said that. I love. Did you say I love one girl send you dirty? I don't do none of that. The best.

You're lying. Swear. Neat. I know for a fact you've already done. You don't know that. Yeah. There's a video of you saying that. There's a video you blow in days.

No, I know that for a fact, there's not. Oh, I have it. No, you don't. Yeah, I'm lying. If I play it, can I play it? If I pull it up. Play it, pull it up. Oh, no.

No, no. This is confident. It's called your bluff. I think there's nothing better with a chair. I had a long time ago. How long have I been my 10 years? 12 years. Do the math.

VHS. 12 years ago. Make sure you come back. I can't even say this because I was, I think you fucked it up. Say to sit there. Do the math. Yes.

Oh boy. All right, keep going. What happened? I actually gave that tape. What happened? Won't you send you a reel, a reel? She sent me a VCR. Oh boy, I keep going Which is any real real Tape the shit together Bobby your gig is in my hand Yeah, Bobby your dick is in my hand.

There's nothing like though. I mean, I've had email sent to work at the beauty. You know, we're a couple of girls have sent some sexy fucking. Oh, god. Yamanika. No, I love yaman. Yamanika is sexy, man. She's proportionately sexy. She is. I'm not saying, look, Yamanika. I'm a fan. But'm not saying, look, y'all, I'm in need. I'm a fan. But I've had girlfriends. Oh my god, you open that shit up. The sexiest shit when they go,

Bobby, and they personalize it. Oh yeah. Oh, I love it. You know what? And they come going, Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, was what they call it far porn. No, I wasn't I was just showing. Oh, I know you're serious. I got it No, it was pretty good. I got into it girls farting is Some what sexy at all See it cuz they you never see it. I know you just hear how big their assholes are

You know if it's like a trumpet you know, it's a tight. So like a big wet one You know if it's like a trumpet, you know it's a tight asshole. Oh like a big wet one They're out out not out with me. Wow smell it if it smells like fucking if it smells like black tar heroin Oh, like a type of boat engine on fire Then I'm then I might be old moldy cherries What about cleaves cleaves out I don't like I love a quip no way Yeah, yeah, look how happy she got with her fucking yeah, you got super large veg of tail labia Now it is oh my god because all the air doesn't fit in her little tiny body. Yeah Come out

Please make me throw up, but they don't smell fart smell I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out.

I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out.

I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna have to come out. I'm gonna. Yeah, your ex-boyfriend's coming out. Yeah, I smell your fucking, your eggs that will never be fucking hatched. It's my auntie, the nose is jizz. No one's ever came in me. I went hiking.

Oh, yeah, you went hiking, right? I got hiking, but the Anthony's nose. Anthony's nose. Crazy. I shouldn't, you should never bring a four year old on this hike. No. It was a two hour hike. Oh, top two hours back, two and a half up, because we had the kid.

He did great, though, thank God. We were looking for shit the whole way up, bugs. He picked up a millipede. He's not afraid of anything. I love this kid. And he was a little comfortable way back. I felt bad because he was a random kid. Yeah, you're right.

Yeah. You never know, man. Yeah, just, my friends, let me borrow their kids. Yeah. On the way back down, but I'll get to this, but on the way back down my, he started fucking off a little bit and it's like too dangerous. Like it was dangerous.

If he did, if he started and I was like, I had to go max, I had a little thing around his neck. I go, I'm taking this away forever. It's going by by if you don't stop this behavior right now. It's too dangerous to fool around. He was starting to do, and I felt bad that I had to give him this consequence. And there was a couple hot chicks coming up and they kind of stopped and I was like, you don't want to be dead. You want to be the uncle possible? No, because of that.

That's it. I was a little too, you know, like, I was a little too, like Max, you know, knock it off. Right, right, right. And I don't like to do, I don't like to yell at him. I don't like to raise my tone with him, but I was getting fucking scared. He was acting like an asshole. And then I was like, you, and I had to be like, look, you can have it back if you earn it and blah, blah, blah.

And then he got a shit together. And it was like, okay, and then when he got down, is it, can I have a bag? I was like, he worked it out, but going up there, there was such fucking, I'm with my life. I wife, I love my wife. I love my family. I'm fucking connected to these fucking son of a bitch's fully. I love being with them. I love it.

But there were these girls going up the hill and yoga pants And I'm like fuck oh my god. Why didn't I ever like when I was single just go hiking? Yeah, I know I just want to imagine just going up with these girls and young Bob yeah walking up and getting up there And then the top and hanging out and then just eating a fucking pussy in the like a rock. Oh yeah. You know the new thing too. The new thing too is women are aware of the yoga pants and then just a sports bra. Oh, I don't even know where.

Here's what I saw. Here's what I saw. I saw skin colored yoga pants, hiking, and I'm about 50 feet away. I go, this chick is naked. Wait, what race? It was so weird though. She looked absolutely naked, and I got closer. I was like, are you kidding me?

Let me tell you something. To me, there's nothing smoke. I mean, yoga pants are the hottest. Black yoga pants. I'm not getting up, because I'm wearing black yoga pants. I don't know, does he think we didn't notice? First of all, you're a fucking shovel ass. I'm not getting up because I'm wearing black yoga pants. I don't know this. You think we didn't notice? First of all, you're a fucking shovel ass. I'm not talking about it.

Oh, fuck. Oh, meanwhile, two hours ago, you got a green ass. Who? Yeah. I didn't say you had a green ass. He was talking about you. I said, no, I said, can I put it in your ass? If you die, can I put it in once?

That's what I said. Not Mark or anything. I didn't say, listen, I didn't say you had a green ass. I'm taking the eye socket. No, Lauren, you have a nice ass. You know that you know I think your bum's nice it's small but it's nice but you know I like small bumps my wife has a NASA of a fucking 13 year old boy okay whoa that's hot listen Didn't Mike leave because we started talking about women oh Yeah, hey, he gave me that I had it. Well, here's the thing. We're gonna wrap it up. But I,

my God, man, I couldn't, I'm like, I had to fucking look away. Yeah, I had to focus on my family. I had to stop. Sun would let's let's let's put this on. I had like, oh, sweatpants boners, just fucking coke and chicks. Yeah. And then not when we were coming down, there was just these fucking guy guys. No, no, no, no. Yeah, just no sleeves, glasses, cooler, going up the mountain with these smoke and hot chicks. I was just going up there to fuck. Yeah.

Oh, let me fucks in the woods. Yeah. Oh, Ned. Ned fucks in the woods. You know what? You know what? I say no bell piece prize to the guy that invented yoga pants because as soon as you see him, you could be wanting to kill people and then this girl walks by and you go, anyway,

what's happening there? Like murder is out of your mind. The guy in the sundress, the sundress, which I think was a guy, right? You told me. I told you, you don't get anything. What? You get nothing. What are you talking about?

Women to men. We don't get yoga pants. Look at these fucking muscles. Yeah, but you also have things like I, every single woman on the planet looks better with a lipstick on. Would you agree? Is there a woman that you could think of would look less attractive with some sort of? I actually, let me see your lips. I actually, I like the plane lip.

She had like a lip. Yeah, but I'm saying it always in, it could enhance. You don't like it. I like a plane lip. It's just biology though could enhance you don't like it like a plain lip. It's just biology though. You guys don't like us physically that much. Yeah, we're gross. Yeah, you know, I mean you hide it if you do.

We got balls. That's the grossest. Harry assholes, just balls. Yeah, Harry nips. Harry nips. Yeah, you don't want. What are we gonna do? Yeah, tell us we'll do it.

We'll do it. I don't know. But we're gonna like this like a nice pair of jeans. There's no flip flops. All right. Man, should we have a word? Flip. I love flip flops around the house.

You got to be on a beach. Hang up stop for why you fucking walk. I'm a complete. Complete your sentences. But what's the reason you're wearing them? For what? For why? Like a scene at a them? For what? For why? Like a scene out of my eyes. For who?

Travolta Saturday night. My head. My head. The two youths. Don't touch the hair. I spent all day fixing my head. Then he hit it. Yeah, you're fucking hitting my hair. I got a table. I'm dating a Jew. What did you say? I can't believe I'm actually dating a Jew. Who's a Jew Dave? Oh my god You mother mad she loves them really love What you mean my I don't know you know Dave you know Stop back like he's Norton or something. No, Dave Smith. Now, Dave is, Dave is a great guy. I like

Dave a lot. They both have the same body too. That's the same face. Yeah, they both, they literally just fucking the other version of themselves. Oh, mirror, the old mirror. Yeah, that's always. Yeah, his dick fits completely in her huge vagina. Yeah, that's how she got mouth cancer. Yeah. All right, let's wrap this up, man. This has been a great episode. Ned, thanks for having me. Thanks for coming on.

Tell us the wing at the Apple more time. So people who already have the app, subscribe to Lauren. Subscribe to Dean, let there be talk. Is a great podcast. Subscribe to Mark, two stories of great podcasts. Subscribe a great podcast subscribe to Mark Tuesday stories are great podcast subscribe to Mike Irish could buy great podcast with my cannon who's also a great comic subscribe to this we'll take care of the rest if you don't use it already just a little line on how did you blow how did you give me the least I mean my cannon this little pretty girl you went hey that's not even that's the different that's the co-host right whatever

but he gave me the whole fucking Schmidt and then mine goes into this blue went, hey, that's not even, that's the different, that's the co-host. All right, whatever, but he gave him the whole fucking Schmidt and then mine he goes and scrub this, a blue mine off, the one that's actually doing something for you. You're the bestest for last. Yeah, but you could and then and make sure, of course, subscribe to the, you know what to podcast with Robert Kelly. This is one of the, one of the fucking, you know, I'm not going to do it now that you just did it. This is one of the one of the fucking you know, I'm not gonna do it now that you just

Know what? The app God I literally go what's that one that no? I didn't like the ones. I literally would go, what's that one that? No, no, no, what? He said, let there be light, but no. The fuck, when did he say that? He said the truth is in the pudding, no.

Back by all odds, what? For what? Yeah, make sure you get the app. All right, stop, stay, blink, my. Yeah, stop, he's blink, man. All right. So if you don't use Laughable already, you can get it at Laughable.com slash download or just search Laughable, the app. All right, stuff. Stay at blink, my. So if you don't use Laughable already, you can get it at laughable.com slash download or just

search Laughable. The app store, Android users, laughable.com slash Android. We'll get to you as quickly as we can. Right. Great. Thanks for coming on, buddy. Too cute. AK. Hey, what do you got? Fiendog. Would love if people would come out to on the offensive, which you still have a standing invitation for. It's show a New York comedy club that we're on with a month.

Yeah, it's stand up. And then after your set, there's I don't do anything. I don't. I'm done. I'm done with after my set. Yeah. That's it. I do stand up.

I come and do a show. Hey, and after you've done, we judge how fat you calf's off and then we have three open Micah's from Pekipsy make fun of your ankles. Fuck you. No, it's all you. You're just the only one there. You're making fun of something else. No, and then it dude and I am not I don't need to do anything else. It's not I do podcast. It's not I I act. And I fucking do stand up comedy. It's not. I don't need to learn another form of roasting and un-roasting and teaching. And what do I have to do after myself? There's a fucking internet video that you make fun of like you do with everything else.

You be fucking go off the top of your head. So it's a right. So it's a fucking comedy show slash fucking off the top of my head thing improv. Yeah, Norma has done it. Yeah, there's Norma. He's afraid to say no, we already admitted that. True. He's scared.

I don't want to do this. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, that show pays. Hey, oh, doesn't. Oh, man. Well, apparently somebody's not coming to fucking getting paid pay the fucking comedy works when I get back there. Oh, I'll do it for the exposure. I'll work that way.

That's what I'm told. I know what you show. I'm not definitely never doing it, but go ahead. That's fine. You know, you can do that. Take that standing invitation and stick it up. Well, then you could also come do my podcast, Irish Goodbye. I would do that.

Yes, on Glass Digital Network. Yeah, you can check that out, definitely. Or just afini comedy or at I am micfini on Instagram and Twitter. How's the new studio? That's not open yet. Not doing it on November, but it's gonna be the way they described it. It's pretty fucking yeah, he said it's great. It's gonna be pretty legit. I just had Lunch was Ralph. Well great guy Ralph something Ralph's not the best unbelievable that guy fucks He's with the company my party sat it was it sat in a he goes I'm sorry I have two Russian models that I'm I was like bring those hoors I'd love to see fucking fuckery. I already have my kids, my kids

fort. Just think of fucking a Russian model. Max goes up the next day. I think a bird got killed in here now. Just jelly fishes everywhere. Yeah. The fucking raccoon had a baby up here, dad. There's a and blood from that Russian horse pussy. Yeah, he's unfuckin' believe. We wrote a great guy and they got the new studio coming, which is great. It's gonna be perfect. And yeah, they got the

great dynamic between Ralph and Lewis, though, just how they can fuck in their complete opposites and just some. I was doing his podcast and in the bedroom, he had just the fucking like 22 year old smoke and model in their half-naked. He's like, I just got done. He's got a hope. He's got a hope. Ralph keeps his health. That's all this.

He looks like. Lewis is going to be Russian. But he's a problem solver. He's fucking great at it. I went in to do a podcast the other day and we all showed up to the Ralphs and Ralph was like, what, and then he found out that like no one told Ralph that it was happening in the, or that they needed like a producer,

but it was in 10 minutes, everything was sorted out. He just is like, it'd be like, if Lewis came into that situation to be like screaming and like yelling at people. K-Jotions! K-Jotions! Fucking hit somebody with a nipple mark. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Penny. Yeah. I love the the videos of he's actually skateboarding down the middle of street on his Instagram That's it. I but I'm just hoping for one where it says And then the phone just tumbles. Yeah, so crack it in escalade. No, what do you want to fact them to he brought it? He's not so much fucking coffee and fucking red book. He'd get up and just punch the car coffee and fucking red book. He'd get up and just punch the car. You brought it to California and was skating in the airport. Nate made it was just like not even pretending today. I know what he's doing. Who cares? I don't care. What do you got?

Hey, Mark Norman Comedy.com. Listen to my pod. Also on Lappell Tuesdays with stories. Can I get it done on Android? All right. And yeah, I'm up in Portland Helium this weekend. Sacramento punchline, San Francisco punchline. A lot of good dates coming up. Royal Oak, Michigan. Royal Oak, Comedy Castle. Comedy Castle. Check it all out.

Google me and praise Allah. What? Huh? I know, Google you. Yeah, give me a Google. Give me a Google. Google you. You think I'm gonna make a Google? Give me a Google. It's such a queer thing. Give me a Google.

I say that to people when I check in, I go, I'm Googleable. Ooh. I like that. Power move. You might want a Google. Googleable. What?

Googleable. That's where you're gonna talk soon. Yeah. Yeah. Google Gubler. Yeah, I get used to it in Mushmouth. out of here. Where are you going? I'll go to fucking clinic. I got a China. I don't care. My China. You're gonna go to a communist country. I'm gonna Tokyo. Yeah, they throw people like you out at birth.

I'm out. Go and hold on Boy Out Kelly will take care of it. I hope you don't have I probably do listen We'll stop saying that you have to stop saying that you have to you're creating the symptoms every time you Something around you you go to the worst part and you stick it because the worst has happened You had kidney stones I'd see them I'm over it. So what? What's those last two things? Is when you fuck a skank. You know, pussy sometimes reacts funny. Yeah, she got C dipped in a

septic. It's a it's a it's a terrible fucking infection. Literally. It's called dick infection. So it's not dick. Yeah. I wish you all her. She was fucking healthy as a fiddle when she was married to that clean cut fucking alcoholic. Right. Now she starts dating this fucking dude who spends most of his time in basements, heat and fucking hamburgers from his fucking hot plate. And her pussy, now she got all these health problems.

She's wondering where it comes from. No, man. He's just in poison. Yeah. He's just libytarian poison. Yeah, I'm gonna push people around Paul. So they jerk off. Dean, what do you got, buddy?

Season three of man about to come out. What is it? A boy, season three of love night. Netflix and I'm on tour with Bill Burr all September and November. That's great. Great. Great. That's great. Lot must be great tour with Bilber all September and November. That's great. Great. It's great.

It must be great tour with Bill, right? Oh, fucking best, man. You know, he loves sports and I don't, but he also loves rock and roll. So I think he gets that side out when we're in. When he's with Verzy, it's like sport, sport, sports, but when he's with me, it's like, we gotta go to the fucking, uh, the Michigan game.

Hey, these two guys are playing that guy. And then I'll send you out getting a son. Dude, see those sneakers? I got two passos. That sneaker thing that fucking birded on his podcast once, the sneaker ran about six months ago was the funniest thing I heard. And he's a sneaker guy. He's not.

But version, yeah, is there is Ian, is a are fuck there's unbelievable sneak. Versi came to meet me one time up at my cigar bar. It was like 12 at night. He came in just violently angry because a waiter stepped on his fucking chair. He stepped on my joins. It's like, Bob, listen, I'm a nice guy. I respect everybody.

I respect you. I'm not a guy, step right on my toe. Didn't even fuck. I mean, look where you go. What the fuck? I just got these two days ago. That's a pretty good burr. Yeah, burr, ho! That was a double day.

Oh, take it from the fucking two-cont. Uh-oh. Burr and I went, we went into a vintage arcade and Grand Rapids a couple of weeks ago. And they had fucking asteroids-cont. Burn. We went into a vintage arcade and Grand Rapids a couple weeks ago and they had fucking asteroids in there. It was all old games and we fucking battled it out for hours in there. We looked like lunatics in there growing. They're like, ah, ships, hyperspace, ship, ship, ship, you know, fucking we're out of our minds in there. I like our kids. Me too, man, they got the one on St. Mark's barcade

Oh, yeah, that's a place is great. They're like four locations. They got for auger Remember for a year. Yeah, one of them has just 80s games the other one just 90s games This one is for auger centipede all the classics I remember when I was a kid I used to go to when when those games were in its peak. Yeah, Pac-Man all that chicken. I used to take a bus all the way to Harvard Square where you know, Harvard University is from Medford. And I remember, yeah, Cambridge and I used to go into the arcade and it was like fucking crazy and just sit there. But I remember I would go there and I never had, you know, take the bus, take it back. And then I would always have like, maybe five bucks.

It would be over so quick. Yeah. It's like fucking what the fuck was I thinking? And then one time I went to Hampton Beach, Casino. And they have the big arcades up there. I mean, just massive. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding

ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding Oh, what? I used them all. Yeah, I was like $10,000 in fuck. Yeah, I couldn't even carry this bucket. I like a nugget to each machine. I would take you that much to learn a game. Oh, well, I remember when a game first came, comes out, you put a quarter and you go,

I already fucking died. Yeah. One quarter has already gone and one say, it takes like $100 to learn first level of a game. That's what I bring my kid to the arcade now. Yeah. Fuck it. I unload fucking 60 bucks.

Oh, yeah. And I just give him cups. Well, then I have him on my pocket. And I gave him a cup of tokens in this at fun spot up and the beach up and where's beach. It's fun, the fun spot. The one that was in Kong movie. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Take the Kong that place. We go to every summer. And he and he does these little bumper cars, kid ones, and you go on and you drive it and then it stops and you get a father, my mother has to come back out and put a quarter and again, I just gave him a cup and he sat there and just fuck like 40 minutes on the same one. Yep, no other kid, I was like, good,

that's the way you fucking do it. Yeah. Give you just here, whatever the fuck you want as long as you want it. Okay. Fuck that shit. We know. Well, we don't have any more fuck off. Our kids are heaven, man.

It's so weird. All the money I spent on getting jerked off by fucking old Asian ladies now goes into my son. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Fuck Asian. Rub and tug bumper cars again. And I don't need that jerk off in the shower. Now goes into my son Yeah Fuck is Rub-and-tug bumper cars again, and I don't need that jerk off in the shower Yeah My son

Yeah Right on him Now wait, what? I want to give it up over here before we go to me Buddy, you have a good time? Yeah, it was a lot of fun. Where you from? Drown from Connecticut.

No shit. We're part of Connecticut. The nog took value. It's called Spock, New Haven Bridgeport. Oh, New Haven. You know what's a new heaven. Black people. Peppy. That was going to say.

He said, what the fuck? Actually, black people everywhere. Yeah, but parts of New Haven are the fucking worst. Yeah, it's really... Because of black people, what are you saying? My wife's grandmother moved to New Haven in like 54, for me, and she's lived in the same place and now it's because... It looks like going there, it's like the wire.

It's like basically like... Is it bad? New Haven and Bridgeport are pretty tough. Bridgeport. But New Haven, that one block is Italian, right? Yeah, yeah. Is that West New Haven? Oh, is that New Haven?

That's like pretty much the downtown area. That's like, that's where the Joker's Wild used to be in the credit cross-stereo. Oh, it's, yeah, that comedy club. Is it not there anymore? No, no, no. It should've done it two years ago. No shit.

I thank God, I never played that one. I play sucked. Choker's Wild. It's owned buy bikers. It was horribly. Yeah, I think that was something I've been responsible for me. But that street is all Italian restaurants

and pizza places, right? What's your favorite pizza over there? Don't say Sally. No, Frank Peppies for sure. You know, like Sally's? I mean, it's you're one of the other. What are you gonna say? You're like both like a piece of shit.

Yeah, I could. Peppies is the best. I heard modern's good. I never tried it though. I heard modern is pretty good as well. But you can go to peppy's and walk down the street and get gelato. And it's like it's bang. Yeah, it's fucking what a crazy street. A little rock those baker reactions.

Oh God, whatever. That's crazy. But if you go two blocks out, you're in. Yeah, you're in. You're in. Yeah, you go from there to hell then to Yale. Uh-huh. To hell again.

It's fucking crazy. It's it's very, very diverse. How do you go from Frank Peppies to hell than to Yale and to hell again. It's fucking crazy. It's very, very diverse. How do you go from Frank Pepe's to hell to Yale to hell? Well, because it used to be just Italians and that's like the last bash, that's like the little Italy, you know what I mean? It's like that's the last surviving spot.

The Italians went to Waterbury. Is that true? Waterbury. So waterbury's. Sounds like a Bruce Springsting. So let me ask you a question. What are you Italian? No Canadian and Irish Canadian and Irish What's wrong with that? Oh, just saying it's very pale

Very pale well, buddy. Thanks coming on the show. You have you had a good time. Yeah, thanks very much You got it brother All right, what do I get we got a new guy? Be ready to plug Is that you have a Twitter? I hate the new one day. It's gonna be Zach the new guy That's a Zach the new guy. All right. Cool. That's great. I love it. Is that a Hispanic? What's the up this? Listen, we're getting worried the little cybersen here. I

Am gonna say I'm gonna say Moroccan partly. Yeah Moroccan Are you Moroccan to Egyptian? No, that's a good. I mean those are good guests. I don't think you'll guess the air I'm hungry. We need to end this Okay, my stomach's on my bedroom in there man. Is that for rent? Oh? Yeah, I tried that one. I tried that already You know you know you know you know it's scary when you see a bedroom, you're like, can I get that? Do you know every time I do almost that?

We need to get, you know what I saw? No, I saw no broker fees as soon as I saw that. Here's what I need to do. We need to get Dean on apartment, okay? We need to get him a space to hang. That's not fucking $10,000 a month, yeah. So if you have it, please email Dean at Dean Del Rey at Yahoo.com. Email this guy if you get a spot, right?

Start town, maybe some rent control somewhere. I rent have control for sure. I relax. It's not you're not getting a rent control. Really? What? How do you get that and not a story? Yeah, right?

No, fuck now. I'm talking in the city around the club. Don't help them, man. What are we? What? 10 minutes to mid-dense. 10 minutes to mid-dense. It's not that, man. It's like, it's the cultural experience you're not looking for.

Just take a line. Yeah, it's like, I want to- Another thing we need, shut up. Oh my God, am I having a stroke or the light just flicker? That's just, I'll take your hand. I'm a little above. How happy would she be if I fucking was telling she's gonna die all episode that I just broke She wouldn't tell me I was gonna get mouth-kits today

That's her writing days So when I said look that's what I would pitch you sound like this is what you're gonna sound like when you're multis All right, you know just know septum's gonna be fucked up. So anyways, we need for a riot cast, producers, for the show. We need people to come in here and help out with some of the shows. We've got a bunch of new shows that are coming on. And, you know, if you have a podcast and you have no place to do it, we're gonna give, if you know anything about audio visual, you can come in

here and help. We got this new guy, Zach, the new guy. He's in here now, but we also have these other shows. We're going to be checking out. So email me at email Lauren and myself at YKWD producer, at ryecom at riotcast.com. So we're plugging people into the system on, but we have another part. We have a bunch of podcasts that are in the gate. We got a bunch of great stuff happening with this show. I want to thank all the people that subscribe. You guys are the best. All you fans out there. Guys, I guess mother fucker right here.

Thanks for coming in supporting the show and supporting all the guests on my show. That means the world to me too, but support me more. Yeah, please. Traff test comedy Washington DC September 1st and 2nd. What? Yeah, this weekend. Fun room. Yeah. Any all you live fucks in that chat room or the people there? Make sure you don't be cunts. in that chat room, are there people there? Make sure you don't be cunts.

Helium below New York. I'm gonna finish too cute. You know, I only come up with nicknames once in a while and that too cute is a good one. I'll let it stick, it's fine. The amount of it's self-defined in the wall. Mike Feney, aka too cute. I thought you were gonna do a Mike too cute Feney.

You wanna do an aka. Now it's Mike Feney, aka too cute. Oh that's great, it's like a wrestler. And then you, Fini. You wanna do an A.K.A. No, it's Mike Fini A.K.A. Oh, that's great. It's like a wrestler. And then you go like this. You smile at the end. So look right into the camera right here. Wink.

All right, you can set me up. Yeah, Mike Fini A.K.A. Too cute. I felt it. I tried to wink and then almost had a stroke. Just do it. Anyways, yeah, this weekend, Drafthouse, I'm so excited to play this room.

I've heard nothing but great things about it. It's fun. Yeah, man, and it looks fun. It looks like a black box theater. Right. Right. What's an old movie theater? Well, it's now a stage with all the seats are like office chairs like that. Everybody's comfortable. Yeah. They're hanging out there. They're always good time. Above it. So that is going to be the September 1st and secondnd this Friday and Saturday next week helium comedy club on 15th 16th, which I'm excited to go back to Buffalo. Then we're doing the pizza party podcast. Paul Verzi's doing it. Burst dog. Chris Scopo's doing it.

Scope dog. Myself is doing it. And we're looking for one more fuck. Lauren, are you not coming? I can't come. She has her own show. Oh, oh, I tried to get somebody who you don't do comedy no I'm not even I just want to help you. I fucking hate I know she has more shows than me Wow, this fucking broad next person I hire for this fuck that's terrible It's technically comedy. Technically not funny, but not kidding. It's.

I'm dying. Bob, you're not dying your show. You and more are doing a show at Governor's Long Island. Yep. Governor. I've never I've never worked it by the what? Never done governors. This fucking broad three seconds in the business. Because of me. She's got a fucking show about two twats getting divorced. But no, it's good. Good job. Good job, governors. Pizza party podcast at Federal Hill,

brick oven pizza, Providence, Rhode Island, Federal Hill. This should be fun. I hope it goes good. And the, Someone built the other great room. Yeah, well, I'm not playing it. I'm accepting comic of the year.

Oh, wow. Comedy, well, I'm not playing it. I'm accepting comic of the year. Oh, oh. Comedy, Boston Comedy Festival, which is happening, go to the website to get tickets for that show. The 23rd at some of the theater Boston. I can't imagine McEw, we're gonna get him on the show by the way, before that happens.

And then sides, split us in Tampa. And then just go to my website, punch the line ofilly's coming up I got a lot of sick gigs. I had one gig that I just turned down Yep, but whatever I'll do that punchline Philly with that You get shorter. Yeah, you literally look like you took a like a midget pill Literally look like you took a, like a midget pill. I'm like, hey man. Like you look like you should.

Put the seat up, you fucker. Took a shit, came out and half the sun. Hey, look at the legs in the bathroom. Fuck out of the fuck happened. Put the seat up, you fucking lunatic. Hey, you fucking shit. You guys are the best fans in the world. I love you to death.

Thanks for listening, spread the word. You know what, dude. You've been listening to YKWD Podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca.

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