Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Top 5, Goddamnit

Episode Date: November 28, 2016

This week on YKWD: We have Ben Bailey, Mike Vecchione, and Yannis Pappas! Ben has known Bobby for many years, but has never done the show before! We talk about his time at Cash Cab (turns out Yannis auditioned to be in the sequel), watch the reaction to Mike Pence at a broadway show, and do a hilarious breakdown of Keith Robinson's bombing at the legendary Patrice O' Neal Roast! It's a classic. Enjoy! RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night. Con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? Y no lo sé, dude. ¡On the Riotcast Network!

Riotcast.com. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is going to be a cost of fire. This podcast has no rules. I'm gonna go to the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic?

Oh, what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Way both sides of the coin. That's how it all started. You love the part. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Oh, man, it's a bad day. Bad day.

Bad day. Bad day. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, what's up? Woo. Woo, we're here. We're here. We're here. We're here.

It's Robert Kelly and the You Know What You Podcast. We open in the show up live Tuesday from the Rycast Studios above the comedy cell, the great, the greatest club in the country. We got a great show today. Of course, I got Lauren and I got Deepu. The You Know What Dude team. Yo Bob, what's going on man? What do we call you guys dudes? I guess you could do that you're a dude at I always thought do that was a bad term just like not very catchy, you know doesn't really roll off the tongue I'll just hate women in general, so you know what does real love the thing do do

Why don't we call you a do do do do do you call him poo? That's what we call your boyfriend's dick Anywho. Oh, god. I had a great weekend at the comedy works in Saratoga Springs. Unbelievable club. Everybody working there was great. The comics I met were great. Liz Russo, there was another guy.

What's the other guy was there? What's his name? Justin Silver was there? What's his name? Justin Silver. Just no. Just Smith. Just Smith. Justin Silver. I know that guy.

He's one of you guys. Good guy. Yeah. Like a big guy. There's a lot of, Liz is a heavy girl. He's a heavy motherfucker. There's like three fat people on stage, which, you know, that's always, you know. America.

Well, yeah, Wall, America. Well, yeah, Wally's America. So anyways, great time, great club. I actually got to go to one of my favorite restaurants. That's, you know, sounds ridiculous, right? But yes, it was great. I had a Delmonico steak. Wow. I know, it's fascinating, fucking podcasting. I know.

But here's the thing. No, food talk is good. I like food talk. I love food talk's fascinating, fucking podcasting. I know. But here's the thing. Food talk is good. I like food talk. I love food talk because the demonic steak, it says on the menu, okay? If you like a lean piece of meat, this is not the steak for you. Oh, do I love that? It is just a burnt, fatty, beautiful piece of meat. And a rib eye?

What kind of cut was it? It's kind of like a rib eye. But I, and then I put a fried Diablo sauce on it. It was, and then I had hot and sweet peppers on the side. Oh. Really? Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Love a steak. She's back in high school with braces? Yeah, what happened to you? I love that steak. I love me. You practicing for this weekend? Exactly. She's sucking.

I'm so tired. So yeah, it was great time. I have a steak. It was awesome. And that's about it, man. I thought you had a new diet. You're like new leaf. Are you just turning it around?

Buddy, I can have steak and I can have five the apples so I've in hot and sweet peppers. I know. That's all sounds fine. A month. That's great. I didn't have no pasta. I know that's all sounds fine a month. That's great. I didn't have no pasta I had no shitty food. I have not eaten one piece of fucking garbage

For a month. I'm so proud of you. Yeah, man. That's great and I but this is what I found out yesterday because Jim Sarpakow You know fucking the the, you know, super, super man. He really, I think he's, he's like a, I'm pretty sure I saw his name in the credits of Westworld, is he working on that? I don't think so. Oh, okay, nevermind. No, but he is, you know, he's one of the smartest guys I know.

He, but it annoys me sometimes. Yeah. Because I had these, these kind bars, my wife got me. So it's nuts with a little dark chocolate on the bottom, right? They're so good. They're so good, and I'm having those as my little snacks, you know, during the day to get me through. So yesterday we're in a secret session.

I can't tell you what it is. Maybe soon hopefully we can talk about it, but we're sitting there and I bring out my kind bar, he goes, you can't have that. Why? He goes, no, first of all, he goes, you're eating shit again? I go, no, no, of course, you can't have that. Why? He goes, no, first of all, he goes, you're eating shit again? I go, no, no, of course not.

And I'm so proud of myself. I said, well, you can't have that. I go, well, it's nuts and dark chocolate. He goes, it's a candy bar. Throw it out. It's a lot of sugar. Fuck you, I know it is. I just didn't know what.

You were trying to sneak it on nuts. Well, I just, ha ha ha ha ha. Fucking fatso. I really was trying to. This was chocolate nuts, helping. I really was trying to chocolate dozen nuts help me. I really was just used the nuts as the overwhelming. It's like that dog treat you could put the medicine in.

Yeah, he called me out the son of a bitch. And I had a, well, I had to throw, you know, he's like, well, you know, you just have, you know, I was like, I was so hungry too. I went and got an apple and he goes, that's good. Good for you. And I was like, yeah, good for him. Well, who's going to eat this kind of bar? He goes, leave it there. I said, I'm going to leave it there. That's good. Some fucking chubby intern's going to fucking woof it down. And the fat disease goes on. Yeah. Is that on your rider? Did everything on your rider? Like, you need to have certain foods in your weight. No, good question. I do have on my rider, which is weird and it's from what I did. Colleges. A deli platter, gatorade, and I think a candle.

Like call cuts and stuff. Yeah, so everyone, but that was a long time ago. You know what I mean? Clubs, I don't do riders, but it's still in my contract and some new clubs will it, and I'll show up and there'll be a deli platter, gatorade, and a candle, and I'm like, what the fuck is this? It's in your rider. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah, so anyways, what happened with you this weekend, Lauren? Oh, I met my boyfriend, son. Is he your boyfriend now?

I don't know. I don't know. Really? Yeah, I don't know. Do you say any, like, I love you? I'm sure why not. Really? Yeah, that's good. Do you say any like I love you? No, no, no. So he hasn't said anything like that. No, I don't even like titles. I just kind of like to go with it.

Okay, so yours, what's around your neck, by the way? I don't know. A choker. Is that a choker? Yeah, it's in. Yeah, it's so in. So the shape of the boyfriend's hand on our neck right now. What?

I don't like to be choked. You do? No, I don't. right now. What? I like to be joking. You do? No, I don't. Oh, shit. I guess I'm out. Yeah. Debu would accidentally kill me. I would intentionally just choke you.

Just talking to you. Debu, you know, Debu, you're out of a throwing acid on your face. No. That is not a joke. That's a, that's a well planned thought. I know. Because I didn't put sugar in his fucking coffee. Well, all right, let's not fight yet.

Let me just get back to you and your boyfriend. So you met his son. How old is son? Gonna put sugar in his coffee? Yeah, she did. Yeah, he put his dick in her ass. That's swallow too. Yeah.

You like my daughter, okay? I know. Then I want to make out with Lizard. You didn't have a battery. Like Woody Allen. Baby. What baby? With the Listen. You have a battery. Like Woody Allen. Baby. What baby?

With the, uh, I, uh, so, so did you. So I met the kid. Is he a cool kid? Such a cool kid. Really? Yeah. First time experiencing something like that. So it was pretty cool.

What do you mean first time? You met my kid? No, I know, but I've never dated someone that had a kid. There's kind of like an overtone like you might raise this kid. Sort of thing, right? Yeah. Well, that's true. I mean, if you guys hook up and it works out, you're going to, you're going to be mommy. Nobody wants me as I think you're, you'd be a great mom. You're going to stop selling yourself short. It's like looking to podcasts. But here's the thing. You're going to,

not only do you, the meeting the sun is tough, but you know, it's tougher. Meeting the mom. Meeting the sun is tough. It's tough. You know, it's tougher? Meeting the mom. That's the mother fun. Oh yeah. There are placements. Yeah.

So I would enjoy the sun part. Yeah. Because it's gonna be a day we're gonna have to go to a birthday party. And mommy's gonna be there. Well, I'm just. And she is not gonna like you. Yeah, because I'm just the fun extra.

I'm not like. Well, you really is that all you are? Well, right now, I'm just the... Look, a guy who introduces a girl to his kid is not fucking around. That's a big step. That is a big step. Let me tell you some, guys, with their kids,

that's the fucking, that's the inner circle. Yeah. That's the round table, baby. Yeah, so it went up next level this weekend. You went up next level. The kid loved you. The kid loved you. So son. table, baby. Yeah, so it went up next level this weekend. You went up next level. The kid loved you. The next, it's so son. Oh, please.

What'd you do with the kid? I can't wait to this. The kid's around 11 and listens to this podcast and knows that his dad was fucking banging you in the butt and the fucking Honda Civic somewhere. It went really good because at first we were playing a board game and then like 10 minutes later we were running around with Nerf guns, Nerf fight like that's great. How how long you spend with them? First night it was three hours and then he wanted me to come over the second night

Oh, and then I came over for like an hour and then the third night. We all watch football. Wow You're done. I know you're done. I. I know. It's bad. All right. Boring. What do you got? What do you got deep? Is it recording? Yeah. Yeah.

All right. I forget to get the fucking record button. You had this look on your face like, oh, shit. I know. I forget. I forget. It doesn't look like it's catching into the sound, but that's the

volume thing. No. I'm so scared. I fuck Rob. I know. I like looking at fucking sound waves. You like to see meters. I want to see I fuck Rob. I know. I like looking at fucking sound waves. You like to see meters. I want to see a fucking ghost.

It's hard to please you in all the ways, Bob. It really is. I'm very hard to please. I really am hard to please. It's because I've never, because I've always had to get everything myself. Everything I've ever gotten, I've crawled and scratched and begged for. So when I got it, I want it right, and I'm very hard to please. I just have to look, here's the thing. Okay, when I was a kid, I didn't have fucking toys.

I didn't have anybody sit me down, tell me what's right and what's wrong. I didn't have anybody fucking, you know, come, he's, hey, you're doing good, kid. That was a great catch. I remember I caught the game ball and I was by myself. West Muffin beat Hillside for the first time in fucking 10 years because of Bob Kelly and there was nobody there to congratulate me They just pig piled on me and I cried and they gave me a rupee and I walked home alone the speech music is so perfect because you look like a giant Ruski and it's like Cold War era Orchestra music I bond at a show this weekend. Oh again at a gig in Jersey. Yeah, again I was really worried. I was really worried, Lauren was gonna show up to support me.

Really? I was kind of dreading that on the way in. So you're in Jersey, and thankfully she's like starting a new family or something. How did you, what happened? Like did someone go, well they good it before and after you? That's the worst. They were very tame.

It's like an old, like the average age was 50. It's like they're kind of a little bit older than the average. Yeah. You know what I mean? So, you know, the host was good, but the first, I was actually first, so there was no before me. Really? I was kind of taking the bullet.

But, you know, I just haven't been getting up as much as I used to. Right. So I've been kind of just Lucy Goosey just trying to enjoy it. Yeah, it's okay. Yeah, I'm trying, I think there's a nice middle ground there. Yeah. But, these are excuses. But, um.

Did you stick around after to get a- To make sure that everyone else bombed? Yeah, the classic mode. There's a classic, but he's want to make sure it wasn't totally you. Right. Like the next guy who he bumped to. I'll see you guys later. Yeah, some of the people bombed, but like, you know, I got some advice afterwards.

So who gave you advice? This guy Bobby Gaines. He's the guy started the room in Jersey. Just some guys. Who was the advice? Get out of the business. Stick to podcast. Um, his advice was out of the business? Stick to podcasting. His advice was to do more.

We'll go back to India. No, so do more crowd work. I'm sure he was thinking, hey, Yannis, what's going on? Yannis! Hi, buddy. How are you, buddy? He just rolls in like he owns the place. I like it. How you doing, buddy?

Where's he sitting? We have Yannis sitting in that seat of a guy. Right over here, baby. We do a new thing now. We start a show before everybody. And then we bring you guys in. But you know what? You're over here, buddy. Um, but you're right. You rolled in, baby. That's good. That's all right. So the guys, the guys advice was to do more crowd work. Yeah. That's you. That sounds like good Jersey advice. He got he bombed and the guys advice to him is do more crowd work. Yeah. don't right. Hey, don't practice joke writing

Don't don't learn stroke joke structure Do more crowd work. I was a guy in the audience. No, the guy ran the room. Yeah Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I would do a bit it wouldn't really go I would kind of flood the lines So they kind of just dies out and then I'll recover by like just commenting on it and then I'll try to know the joke Yeah, I'm kind of flubs comment on it. That was the whole set basically I understand what you're saying to you, but you should have said no man It's not good. It'll go worse if I do that. It's the worst advice every day. We should do just get on stage Mother that's all you have to do I guess so so it's done necessarily agree you got a bottom You got a bomb. You're gonna take a bomb once in a while once in a while

I never do it but people have to do it people should do it. You know bomb anymore? Not come on son, you don't write me shit like all I got a new hour and motherfucker You never bomb I got a new hour and two or ten minutes sucka A bomb on fucking Bobby from Boston you cuz you know it you have the advantage just being a funny dude But I mean would you get the voice yeah you got you just funny like for a normal looking guy like me with glasses Yeah, like if my like they don't like me to begin with We try something new they're like all right, do you look like a guy who I I just met in an office I gotta I gotta talk about these new glasses. We gotta I saw them on one of your videos

And I thought it was a new character But he's gonna watch you one of my videos. I watch all how many of your areas We got Ben Bailey's in the house I've watched you watch my videos. How many of you are there he is. Whoa. We got Ben Bailey's in the house. We were supposed to start. Lauren was supposed to keep her downstairs. But doesn't matter. You're supposed to tell people to wait downstairs,

but she didn't do her job. We start to show early, and then we do a whole thing about you guys, and then we bring you up. But this is fine. You guys are all. They'll even come back. No, please don't.

Please don't. I'll get out. No, please don't. How the fucking't fucking classies that he walked in with a pelagrino It's fucking adult. I always have a pelagrino. I never go anywhere without a pelagrino. I would do this more Italian than adult If it was a fucking like a martini Rossi Austie's Blomonte Rossi Osti's Blumente. What? What? What? Nice one.

I got that out. Martini is obviously. You know that was hot. For me to get that out is a motherfucking, I should get an award. That's a mouthful, right? The mini Martini Rossi Osti's Blumente. We go to Ben Bailey where I'm fucking excited. He's on the show finally.

Thanks, dude. I know. It's Ben Forever. And then we got you're over here, baby doll. And then we got one of my personal favorites Mikey with the fucking Roman numeral number five at the end of his day all American all American wrestling champion Yes, he's the protector of the people

With a crime fighting head He's a we call him the vigilante When he puts the hood on. He looks like he's showing up for practice. He's going to actually clean up Washington Square Park, guys. It was him. The broom. He walked over the drug deal.

You got to put that out. You got to put that out. It's medicinal. You got to put that out. You got to put that out. You need for long. Yo, yo, it's medicinal. You got to put it out. All right, well, let's go through there. We're going to introduce everybody. Deepu is going to introduce everybody. He's got a little.

Sorry. First guest is Janus Popus. Yeah. Yay. No stranger to you here. Is he here already? He's right next to you. Oh, oh, yeah.

We got a little bio wicket on my yes I actually don't have like you know I have some quick info he's been on MTV's been on VH1's been on ALL's which America online you pull up my fucking bio from 1999 Jesus I'm not saying it on YouTube in a week. You understand? I saw Mauricia before I knew you and just to know you and her is just blows me away. I'm still a huge fan of her. Not you of her.

I like her way better than you. But I'm also people. Dude, Aspussy is the fucking greatest, greatest thing ever in my life. Call on it Aspussy. Better than the Tesla. Oh God, well, better than the new shingles he made. Right.

Did you see those? Like what's the shingles? Okay, the roof. The roof. Yeah. They're shingles, they're solar shingles. Costs just as much as getting a regular roof done. Yeah. And the whole roof is The roof. There's shingles. There's solar shingles. Costs just as much as getting a regular roof done. Yeah.

And the whole roof is solar powered. That's awesome. It's crazy. And then he has the box on the side of the house. I forget the name of it. Solar shingles. Solar, solar shingles. The, the, the, uh, e-line musk.

Yeah. Isn't it amazing that that guy and like us are the same species? It's like, he's so much smarter than everybody. He's an alien. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, but you know how fucking boring he is at parties. Are you kidding me?

Come on son. I'd love to talk to him. I know you'd love to talk to him, but he stinks. If we brought him in there right now, everybody be like, we're having a good time. We're just be scribbling that.

He's like the duck. He gets no sarcasm. You make fun of me like, this is not possible. Yeah, but he be bored. He just be bored because if heasm you make fun of me like this is not possible He be bored he just be bored because he's sitting with a bunch of idiots like us. Thank you Mike speak for your soul I like that. You want to hear really hear out of my headphones? Really Mike don't drag us into your world See seven five two three count your head

I had to cut a little Is that that's it I can hear now. Okay, good. Okay, who else do we have on the podcast? Yeah, we also have from Youngstano, Ohio, Mike Vecchiano. Oh, yeah. Mike, Youngstown? Yeah, from Youngstown?

Originally. Did you fight in that? That's why he looks like that. You have to dress like a wrestler. Youngstown. Dress in a gray hoodie. Yeah, you have to, and he only listens to M&M. He actually plays second in the 1991

triple-A state wrestling tournament. That's right. I mean, I don't brag about that. You should have fun in the website. It happened. And let's just, how can you fight somebody with dimples like you? Is that what you did right at the beginning of the match?

You smiled like that? I smiled. Those little dimples. You smiled, a wink. You got three dimples. And then I had butt. I had butt. What else is good?

Um, wow, that's a butt. That is an old, that's like when I first started calling it. Yeah, he's pulling us a little once. Yeah, it's from your website. Yeah, you are right now. I'm not my website now. What are you gonna do next? And we got Ben Ballier.

If you want to contact him, call Jason Steinberg. Oh, wow. Wow, wow. Bios from the 80s. Wow, well, for Ben I have a- I'm The 80s For Ben I have a disregard that Should be calling Jason Steinberg for anything I hope I hope someone Not just not me, but no one I hope Jason gets to touch you. I heard you were talking about you want to work together I'm back on my meds He's got a new podcast called Talbot true and a new special called live and uncensored Ben Bailey is here

Ben's got a ton of shit going on but can I get something more than just winning the state Mike you can you have to do it I'm not a champion. I'm a 90-91. Hang on, I got a great player. Let's take it. Mike, you can, you have to do it. Ben did those things. At least you got a real one. I got an MTV, which is what I used to lie about on my bio. I got an MTV, and I'm VH1. I want to talk.

All the big networks. Modern like modern day clubs and colleges. Yeah. MTV VH1. We have a authentic college date raper in studio today. Oh, wow. Look at that sociopath. How did we get this?

Jesus. American Psycho. Hail Trump, huh? So you have a name. No, he does. What's up, buddy? What's going on, guys? How are you?

What's your name? Oh, he knew his cute anyway. Look at those cold eyes. Hold on to this way so I can see you, please. I appreciate that. Look at me, look at me, look at me, baby, look at me, look at me. Hey, what's your name? Brian, Brian.

Brian, will you put, is this voice real? Or are you putting that on? Yeah, no, it's real. So we can't hear it's you when we get, no, you sound, listen. Have you ever choked a girl out of rage? No, not out of rage. When you hear no, do you want a punch of wall? No.

Have you ever had like put plastic all over your living room? No. No. So what do you do for work, buddy? I run a comedy club. Where? Oh, where? I run the Lafactor in Chicago.

In Chicago. Oh, shit, man. So look at he's getting all serious. Yeah, motherfucker. You ever want to do shy town again bitch? You're at the point of the state here, right? That's right, Richard. I did though.

Actually, the Portis Theater was a, oh, what a, the guy bought three theaters in Chicago, I believe, and he's, he's start, huh? Mr. Portis. No, this, I don't know who the fuck he is. Some guy bought three theaters, and he started to do comedy in these theaters It's actually once a month right once a month he does but you get to go to do a theory pays real good and

The theaters old fuck old school theater, but it was it was a great time great stuff I do too It's it was a little the city had me and was a little big We're supposed to be in the other one which was I think 500 seats or something like that. This one was a little spread out, more for rock and roll, but the stage was a little high, but it was still great. And. You should do it at theater, the lake shore.

Yeah, that's what the theater is. That's what my club is. My club is the lakesore theater. They redid the whole thing and now it's the laugh actor. Now, is it your club? Did you buy it? No, no, I'm the club manager. So you work for Jamie Masada.

So Masada. Yeah. Oh no shit. And then there's like a bunch of partners that are all in on it. Oh no shit. I love Jamie Masada. For now, this kid's definitely

fucking moving up the ladder. But do you know Jamie Masada? You guys have to change seats. You don't know Jamie Masada. You don't know Jamie Masada. I don't know. You know Jamie, right? Body, body. No one Masada. I don't hang out with on. You know Jamie, right? Yeah, yeah. Body, body.

But I don't know what I'm saying. I don't hang out with a guy, but I know I don't matter. All right, here's the deal with Jamie was on. I went. I just numbered my phone. I do. And he didn't like me when I first met him. He kind of treat you like, shit, you got to kind of,

and then that's everybody he meets. Right. And then all of a sudden, one day I came in, he's like, buddy, you come in, you start talking to me. And you know, he said, you're too fat, you got to lose weight, buddy. You're so comfortable. But he said, so me, we do this whole tour, Gasm shit. Dane takes me, Galman, Barry, Barry Katz, his brother, the one that took all his money.

That was uncomfortable. But this would be for you, new anything. Al Dau, Al Dau Benny, you guys know Al be before you knew anything. Aldo, Aldo Benny. Do you guys know Aldo Benny? Sure. Okay, Aldo Benny, right? I think Jay Davis made it come to and Jamie Misada. So Jamie goes, we get to, we're literally on the ocean,

Mexico, private fucking house. One of those superstar, I'm fucking, what's that fancy place that Mexico, all the stars go to? What's the one? What's the really good place? Not Uncle Polco, the fucking... Cabo?

Cabo. Is it Cabo? I don't know, man. It's not Cabo, I know. It doesn't sound bad. What's the one that everybody goes to? 25 years ago. Like Brad Pittman, uh, well.

It's not in Mexico. You're talking about like St. Thomas. Mexico. St. Thomas, St. Thomas. No, it's not. It's not. See you walking in the hole. No, it's not just St. Thomas. It's not fucking a whole. What is it? Zewa Taneo.

What is the place? It's somebody fucking Google. Is it good? See fucking Mexico place where all the stars go? It can. It can't go. It's can't be spring break. Yeah, it's just a spring break.

No, that's not it's not spring break. It's a big tourist. Is it? Yes. No, it's not spring break. It's a big tourist. Is it? Yes. Anyway. It's just a kid from Boston struggling with their talk about where the rich people go. I listen, you're all talking about cars who settled down.

You know what I was talking? People with money go kid. Tijuana. No, it's not Tijuana. I've been there. I got a massage there. I went to the men's health spa. In the deep in Tijuana, I took a cab.

I walk in. Do you know those little flip little things you step up and I've been there. I got a massage there. I went to the men's health spa. In the deep in Tijuana, I took a cab. I walk in, do you know those little foot little things? You step up and down on it, and there was an elastic cord with handles on it. That was the spa pie. And there's where you worked out. Then you just get, hey, you work out there in the hallway,

and then you went and just got your hand, you're fucking dick jerked off. And I remember she sat on me, sat on me a blowjob, a 69, and she had her pussy in my face, and I was like this, she goes, she goes, go, hey, you fucking dick jerked off. And I remember she sat on me, sat on me, a blowjob at 69, and she had a pussy in my face, and I was like this, she goes, she goes, go, hey, you a lickie, lickie, I go, no. I'm just sat there like this. We went there, Jamie Masada comes out,

comes out, he goes, I bought everybody a La Factori swim trunks. You know what I'm doing, the worst at center. Oh, you kidding me. So we were all excited. Everybody laughed factory swim trunks. You know what I'm doing, the worst act in a kid. So we were all excited. We were all excited, we put these swim trunks on and then we all like go into the pool and we come out, they were white laugh factory boxer shorts. They weren't swim trunks.

So you get out with me Gary, we get out of the pool, you see our fucking cocks and just our bush fat through the shouts. He's sitting there with a camera. The plan worked. Bobby, get out of Gattie's way. Danes, sit next to Gattie. I'm a big fan of Jamie Masada.

Well, congratulations on the club. How's it doing? It's great. You got a book Mike Vecchion out there If he's ever in town We're joking police Let's say what he's gonna say. No, we're a showcase club. So you are when Mike Vecchion's in town And Bailey's in town you become a head like love the weekend Hey, it's Mike Vecchion inown. Yeah, we're gonna spa 15 minutes.

15 minutes. That's why he's gone playing. He didn't even hesitate. He's in town. You know, he just made it real quick. The bullshit. Yeah. I love it.

I've got a lot of people here. Yeah, but so we can never go there. We, you know, because we're, I mean, unless you're in, if I was in Chicago, but you can't do that, it is because I'll probably be there because I'm doing a show. You're doing another thing. So you can't really, you don't, who goes to Chicago. You work to slow go guys there Yeah, we do all local and then occasionally like people are around. I haven't come in. Yeah, it's pretty much all Local we we bring in headliners maybe like 5% it's 95% local and then five right now because now now up comedy clubs gone

Yeah, I love that place. They're actually doing my special. They're doing one house. You taped it there? Yeah. What special is that? This new special that's out now, it's called live and uncensored. It's on my website, the realbendbaley.com. You get it anywhere, Amazon, all that stuff.

But I taped it up in Chicago. How did you, how did you work that out? How did you get to up comedy club in Chicago? I did their opening weekend, like, I don't know, three or four years ago. No shit. As soon as I walked in there, three or four years ago. No shit. As soon as I walked in there, I was like, this place is awesome. It's beautiful.

I want to shoot a special here. Because the stage is so low to the crowd. Yeah, and it's just lit well. And it feels like a little theater kind of. Good for you. And so then a couple of years later, I just did it. And they charge a lot of money because it is, you know. We just, I basically did two shows and we, and you know, but I just,

I just brought a crew in and we taped it. That's it. You brought, so you paid for yourself. Yeah, yeah, I did the whole thing myself. No, shit. Yeah. That's great. How many, how many cameras? Uh, four. What kind of cameras do you shoot on? Small. I can't remember. No, no, like little HD, no, like high quality stuff. I had a, I had a jib. I had a, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Trump's America, but, I set it down. All right, I paid him. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, wee wee. So, did you direct it? Yeah. That's great. Yeah, it did all of it. That's great. I'm so I'm not so did you do a joke and go now swing the camera this way?

After every bit, I'm like cut to camera for. Excuse me, guys. What the fuck are you doing? I'm not fucking jipped down here. Anyway, women are fucking nuts. Now fucking jib down here. Anyway, women are fucking nuts. They all recorded the whole time. You know, it's not like we're cutting from one of the other. No, no, no. For the joke we had to do that.

Yeah, we were doing a 4K most broad sitcom on that one. That was it a Louis. Maybe if I was doing it live. We were just taking out out creative liberties on that jump But it was cool. It had that so I got a little head to explain to you I've had like that that booth in the back that like I would like Frank Sinatra used to sit at It's got a lot of history that place. Yeah, yeah, that was also like where the old guys from the Muppets would have sat Fuck you you can't be old Why do you keep coming? like where the old guys from the Muppets would have sat. Yeah, yeah. The show stinks. Yeah, that back, boof.

Fuck you, you clumpy old man. Why do you keep coming? Yeah. And you fucking asshole. Speaking of the fucking, I mean, I'm gonna bring this up next week, but you have kids. I do, and Mike has a kid somewhere. He just doesn't know it.

He's a wrestler, that can't always. He's a kid in place, so I'm proud. You're proud he did find out he had a kid that was just a cheap red. I wouldn't be proud. Really? No. Why? Because I want to intentionally have a kid. Why? I just randomly have kids and don't want to be around. Here's a here's a here's a here's a here's a here's a here's a scenario who's yeah it was

saying the kids way more successful than you were. And how are you proud? And he goes, Dad, why don't you move in with my mansion on the upper side. He's headlining the left. He has you open for him. That would be the shit dicks in the balls. You can be gay more famous than you. Oh, be so gay.

I feel like if my kid can be like Emil West's and breakfast club just like crying about it That's always hard on me man. We don't tell her any losers in this family keep going keep going I Was I was doing this Wow at least I tried I went for it. I'm trying new stuff Stop trying new stuff Wasn't there a girl supposed to come to Take your wife that was your wife. Yeah, my wife supposed come why she had a work. She stayed at the hotel

What she working for this morning. What does your wife do? She's into the likes. It's so hard to explain. Yeah, you're fucking run a comedy club, you know what I'm talking about? She basically does analysis for a company that's they... Sorry. She's an engineer. She's an engineer. Come on, come on.

So she just happened to meet? Come on, come on. So she makes the money so you can do your job. Absolutely. Because you know, buddy, I can't pay you too much money, but you can manage clubs. Having power is better than money. And this business, you can draw.

But I'm just pants I made you. I'm getting the pool. I'm going to spray you down with Pellegrino on the front side. So let me ask you another question. You got all these new guys. You're the guy. Do you feel that power? Do you feel that?

Seriously, do you feel like what did you do before comedy? Before comedy, I was a chef for a while. A chef. And then before that I was in the military. What did you do in the military? I was in the Air Force. Oh, fancy, fancy. Because I would tell you, everybody hates the Air Force. In the war.

Why? Because our military, I'll tell you why. Because the Marines and the Army and the Navy hate the Air Force. Because the money, when it comes down from the government, goes to the Air Force first, then to the, I believe the Navy or the Navy, then the Army, then the Marines.

So if you go, when you go to Iraq, if you go to the Air Force pays, dude, we go there, we'd be so excited because, dude, they had like, Foozball tables and internet and Wi-Fi and cameras, you could call home and have, and they'd have like a just an ice cream bar display you can just open up and get fucking ice it was the best and then

you go to the Marines and literally you're in a tent with a hole in it and fucking you know you're eating steam steam steam the Marine's rolling by your gg gg the Marines are a division of the Navy I didn't know that till I went overseas to perform for the troops. It's another credit. The Marines are a division of the Navy. Yeah, but nobody wants to know that. I mean, that's a good fact for some of our listeners out there who love America.

We're you a pilot? Did you log in the airtime? No, I was a cop. You were a cop. A cop. A cop in the air force? Well, you're kind of the man in a lot of different ways. Yeah, you really wanted to be in charge of life.

Yes. Well, I wouldn't even us down. But I tell you, it sucks because in more time, they can't have any alcohol or any porn. Yeah. And they cannot fuck each other. They can't have sex. Yeah.

There's no fraternization between the men and women. It are military. But the men and women. And our military, but the Italians, fuck everybody. They have black jumpsuits with black burais. They look like supermodels. And they're just smoking all day, you know. And they fuck all of the Air Force chicks because the hottest chicks go into the Air Force.

Do we do a show to it? I found love 19 times. All the hot. The whole tour of Air Force bases in October. I did 14 Air Force bases domestic though. Here in the US that counts. Yeah. Well, there's not.

Then they said the same thing. All those bases are really nice. Like I had a house. They give me a house to stay in. Yeah. That's crazy. crazy. I say to your force, but it looks like a nice neighborhood. Yeah. And I say it in the barracks with the troops. overseas in Korea. You want to career? Yeah. Wow. Well, and I'll put Japanese stuartuses up against your Italian Air Force. Guys? Japanese stuartuses up against your Italian Air Force. Guys?

Unbelievable. I doubt it. I'll put those guys up against anybody. And I have to say, can I tell you, because I went to Japan for the troops too, just to trump your career and Iraq twice. Don't say Trump. Don't say Trump.

I went to the fucking Iraq, literally during the show, there was two bombs going off. One mortar hit the fucking base, literally during the show, there was two bombs going off. One mortar hit the fucking base, and Colin was on stage. I, uh, I'm just going, come on folks, just a bomb was going on. I was at me, I was at the fucking actual mortar.

Uh, uh, we, we, uh, Japanese, uh, flattet, first of all, in your year on our flight in Japan, the plane takes off and goes straight up like a rocket because of the fucking mountains

in the buildings. So it's just like you're like like back in your chair. Wow. And when they only know rules. So when the light goes off, ding, you have to get back to your seat. You got to go back to your fucking seat. I'm in taking a shit on the plane, which I never do, but I had to go.

If you have to, yeah. I'm in the back taking a dump. I hear a thing, the thing goes off. They should be knocking the whole time. The whole time. That's pressure. You should just flung the door and just let them see it. Be like, you happy now? See, that's an American thing to do.

Japanese would never tolerate that. You would tell your son or your whole family. My whole Irish Catholic family for Boston would really be out. Oh, really family. We win. I love your voice of my family. We win. I love your voice of the person, not the other spirit. I really can't. A golden anime.

My voice is going up. I am. We, uh, well, welcome to the show. I'm sorry your wife did it, make it. Oh, no. You're right. Wow, who's somebody's trying out to be? Someone wants a career.

If I see you on any, if I see you in years and you're a stand up comic, I'm going to fucking punch you right in your gut. If you start taking improv classes, if I see you on last comic standing in 19, I'm going to kill you. You understand? Well, congratulations and welcome to New York City.

You going to Comedy Seller? I went to the stand last night. I've been to the seller, but I've been, I used to live here. So you're a fan of comedy? Yeah, of course. Who's your favorite up and coming comic on Chicago? I knew this question was gonna come up.

Did you? Well, don't answer. Yeah, you did. I didn't know it. I didn't know it. It's hard to name one person. Look, fucking bed belly is the fastest, brother. He's so fast.

I really, if I had, he'd be a power to you. Seeky power. He's so fast. I didn't even hear it. I was still listening to this guy. What do you have? But he thinks it and says it at the same time. I would take me three days.

I'd be like, I should have said that. I should have said that at that point. I have those, too. I have plenty of those. I look back and go, man, why didn't I fucking say that? Yeah, I'd be like, I should have said that. I should have said that at that point. I have those two. I have plenty of those. I look back and go, man, why didn't I fucking say that? Yeah, but I do that in life with the cops, the fucking my wife. I should have just said, I don't know her.

I don't know. I don't know who's that. Is that a penis on the, what is that? How does that work? So I think Russ Williams, then you worked with him a couple times. Who is it? Russ Williamsson. I like Russ.

Yeah, he's funny. I like Kristen Tumey. I don't know if he knows she is. No, but I love her luggage. Oh boy. Here you go. Really? I got a laugh out of fun.

Hang on. I did hear a laugh out of him. And I got a laugh. Thank you. Yeah, Tumey. You know why? Because we can afford fire and luggage. That's why.

All right, Samsung. You guys are going for Samsung. I'm going to buy it. I said Samsung. I tried to do it. It's why. All right, Samsung. You guys going for Samsung? I'm not gonna be looking by your ear. I said Samsung, give it to me. I tried to do it, still was in the action. Samsung. He went for the word. I said, Samsung night.

Fuck, I don't get it. I get Rattini, Austin, Austin, to Blanty, fuck, I knew I'd fucking up. Anyway. So the nice luggage like Samsung. Oh. Literally in my head, I was thinking of the new phone that goes on fire. It blows up, yeah.

I was multitasking jokes. I have a great Samsung joke later. So Ross is funny. I don't know that. Who else? Who else? Danny Callis. He's my favorite.

He's my favorite. You should know, right? I did comedians you should know. And those guys were fucking great. That's the way. And I love what they did. They would just like fuck you. The clubs weren't booking them whatever or there wasn't the space or the stage time. So they just went, got a place and did their own show and sell it out every fucking week

and they put comics on that they think you should know about, which I love. I love started one here in New York. There's one in LA, I just did. They do. They have one in LA and then they have one here in Gunpla. So they must own that, right? And get money from it? Yeah.

All the different producers, they've gone through and moved, you know, and they've gone to New York in LA so then they started shows there too. All right, well, welcome to the show. If you feel something, you say something, write it down on paper, email it to Depot, and then we'll get back to you. But other than that, have a fun time on the couch.

I wish the wife showed up. She was kind of hot. I was like, I go, I go, couch. I wish the wife showed up. She was kinda hot. I go, I go, I go, Oh, huh? You call there an 11 once. She is an 11 man. She's really hot.

You could do her things. I didn't creep on her. I said, I should show you. She showed me the photo first. She goes, we got a couple of people showing up. She shows me the idea. I go, whoa.

And she goes, here's the husband. I go, whoah, no offense, you're cute too. We, oh, you were talking about, maybe I shouldn't even talk. I have another credit for Mike. Please. Mike had only a high school wrestling credit at the beginning of the show.

So, it's a short film that's on my new web platform. So it's really your credit, but Mike's in it. I know, but it's me. I like that. I like that. That was a great technique, Ben has. That's very about me, but it's not about me. Let me try about some about Mike, dude.

That's one of my... Very Louis Gomez. Jay! I know. First of all, what is this website you have? It's my same website, it's the realbendbaley.com, but it's more of a platform now. There's a whole bunch of different stuff on it.

Like what? Two short films, two different podcasts, and my new stand-up special. I wanna see this. One of the shorts is called BAM, which is short for her. That's what I say when I fucking bang my wife, right when I jizz there, I go, BAM!

Oh, now you be thinking of me when you do it. I know, I think you, that's what I say when I fucking bang my wife right when I jizz there I go Now you'd be thinking of me when you do I know I think you Come is when I hear ding ding and the fucking cab lights go off and I see you turn around and then I jizz and you're like boom Bam is short for badly written action man And it's it's like a little action movie in which I play Graham, an action hero whose lines are terribly written. Is there a trailer we can pull up? Yeah, you should be able to watch a trailer and Mike's in it.

Oh, Mikey. Mike's one of the guards. This is crazy, man. Look at this. You can buy it right. What are you doing? What is she doing? What are you doing?

Just touching you. Why are you touching me? Oh, sorry. Just talk to me. I got a play trailer. There we go. Oh, nice. I hope it works. We got the camera on this? Oh, no, it's a plan to run trailer. We got the cover. It's special.

Try not to work, dude. That's all right. That's the trailer for the special. Yeah, look how good up those are so nice. You guys are so nice in the Midwest. People from the coast, we think you're right. You're right. How did you come by now? It's a center. Look how good up those are so nice in the Midwest people from the coasts. We think you're right with us How did you come by now? making a meatloaf

standing on a stage in a big room That's clean My name is Ben. I'm a straight man. I'd like to take this opportunity to say to the people who make Ben gay cream Hey I'm a dream. Oh. Hey, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing,

f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***ing Some other things. No one ever got all the sh** wanted to get from the Home Depot on the first trip. You look building that deck without these deck screws. You sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh**, sh No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Unless you've actually never seen it. Which case?

What the f*** is your problem? Yeah! That's five, that's all. That's funny, editing. That's great. Thanks man. That's great. That's on the site. It all just got launched. Who did the voice? That was me. I know. I believe it. I just went to Home Depot on on Sunday. I went there for batteries and

I'm from the fuck motherfucker batteries and Light bulbs I Four hundred dollars later I came back. I bought a stick. I don't know I bought a fucking stick I got home and I'm taking a stick out. It's a two a one by one fucking by twelve I'm what pressure treated and in my hand what the fuck did I buy a stick for him? I'm a driver though. You could fucking you go with your hands. I am I become good with my hands and I give YouTube all the credit Me and Verzy Wow since I got the house. Well, I just yeah because Like I got the shed and I I read did the hole inside you been in the shed yet. No, but I've heard all about Verzy was there last night Oh, he came last night for sticks. Verzy came around 11 o'clock and we smoked some fucking Grand Cahonais.

And I had out in your shed. Well, I have hilarious to say, getting the fucking shed. But I, I, getting the fucking shed. I shouldn't, I feel, I don't wanna talk about too much because I don't want my fucking neighbors to fucking wrap me up. But I did, I got a shed. I was gonna shed.

It's not attached to anything, but I had them insulate the, I had them put a wall up. So it'sulate the hat. I had them put a wall up. So it's 10 by 10 Right. I haven't put a wall up. I had them insulate the bottom of it when I got it I saw one side of it. I put I want window here window here window here. What the fuck is that? I have in my phone. That was what I turned that you know I What do you fucking shitty crowd member? I had I put the doors, it looks beautiful. The other half is just a shed.

So I put all the storage in there. I went in, I went and put a floor down, insulated the inside with Ruxol acoustic insulation. I put walls up, I put a ceiling up, I put a sailing fan in. So now you go out there, it's fucking heated, because I got electrical package put in, so I got the dice in the brand new fucking Dyson heater air. So he comes over there. I got a mini projector in there. We're sitting there smoking bats going through people's specials on Netflix doing the how long can

you last? Have you ever done that? I can't shut it off. Yeah, you're good. I'm not gonna say who it really varies right? There's a few up there you start watching like I can't believe it We won one in the credits the fucking credits go shut it off I'm done. I'm done. You want to have a fucking fun night? Play that. How long can you last? How long?

But that looks funny. And I'll tell you what, that's actually looks, that's that looks beautiful. Yeah, that's, oh man, I didn't even do anything. That's just the, that's what they always look like. But here's the thing, has anybody else shot there? One other person shot there. Oh God free. God free. God free.

God free shot his last. Who's the God free? Who's that? You better have God free, right? Of course I have. Is the only fucking one? It's the lion from the Lion King. So God did hit a little shot there, but he doesn't look

anything like. They redid the back for him. Yeah. Who shot his levity or something? I don't know. We have a fucking God free bit. I was just in Mexico. That's right. You. Who shot his? Levity or something? I don't know. Where the fuck is God free, Ben? He did show time. I was just in Mexico.

That's right. He was just the last. What part of Mexico where I was, the cancun? Where was I? You want to know. We were. Yeah. We were in Cancun doing the Just the Last Resort Week.

Fuck, I love that. Now do you have to be clean? You do have to be clean. And the audience comes to the show every single night. So you have to do the same for every night. How long was that? And there's babies, there's like 10 year olds in the crowd. How, how, oh, fuck that.

How, oh, that's fucking yucky. That's crazy. That's what I did out. No, fun, none of the community, like, it's great, but every comedian before is like, fuck, did I do that joke already, or you know, how much time? We had to do 12, 30 and a 20 that's nothing no it was fun it was but it just felt like work because you had to make sure not only you just clean Christian clean and subject

matter yeah subject matter to you have you don't uh Bermuda no that's a good one you go to Bermuda you stay at the fairmont for just for laughs yeah and the gig is right in the hotel but it's like the biggest event all year because it's not really there. And you have to be a little clean. Not too, you can curse a little bit. PG 13. PG 13, you don't wanna say fuck too much.

I had to really pretend I was doing like morning radio. Shut that, if I just, if I just mentally shut that fuck meter off, I'm okay. If I don't shut that off, fucking fucking fucking fucking. So that one's a good one. Just the laughs is the best. It's great. God damn it, I love them.

And the shows are long, depending if God frees around. They keep going. The shows go out into the pool. It doesn't stop. He really just keeps going. You got to love him. He's always performed. I remember when we were coming out of the Boston Comedy Club

with me and Ben and Godfrey. I want to get into that too. We started over there. The bagging in downstairs. Remember the table in the front? A little. Yeah, of course. Booth up in the front window.

Six girls after the show. They had to see me. Right. I walk up to Godfrey. I go, I need a wingman, but I go, look at me. Oops. This one right here. You don't fucking talk to. And I go, if I'm in a story and everybody's laughing if you jump in over me

I'm gonna fucking kick your shin Okay, cool. It's got his sweet guy. He's like okay, I get it again. So a sit in there was sitting there He's he's ignoring the one I like he's talking to you all the ones right he's going on Then I get to a story everybody's laughing. He He went, yeah, I was at it and I kicked him so fucking hard. He went, oh shit, oh shit, you're right, you're right, you're right. When he's around, you just feel invisible because all the chicks are just looking at how beautiful a man he is and he's doing like some Denzel impersonation. I feel that way in this room. He's a crowd please. He's always performing. Yeah, I feel that way with the guy from the left factory. With his Clark Kent curl.

What do you get some of the morning? He just puts it there. He just falls. People call me Clark. Put it over the tee kettle. Clark Cunt. I'm funny. Are you an asshole to people?

No. Oh, okay. I don't think so. You can tell somebody when you don't want them to work the club. They go out with somebody. He says you were a showcase club. And I think if you're in town and Hannibal's not in town, fucking Hannibal could have had line the seller for you.

Yeah, I see yo, I want to do maybe an hour tonight. You mind bumping everybody. He looks like the guy from weekend update, doesn't he? Casey Joost. Yes, Michael. Not really. Chase got a new special. Everybody Jesus Christ. One new special.

This is why I'm on the same day last Friday. I'll tell you this. This is what, of course, because there's 10 fucking million comics. Yeah. And it's so easy to put a special out now, but it's not easy to put out a unique one. Yeah, and one that's funny. That's and I look, I love Michael Che, and I'm whole. This is I'm gonna be good. I think I better be good because I'm such a big fan of his.

He's gonna be good. He better be great. He's fucking his coming out of here. He's good. He's good. It looks good. And his materials always like kind of like your damn. That's a good joke. Yeah. Yeah. I'm the fucking. Colin Quinn's Colin Quinn's I was like dying laughing. Maybe because I grew up in New York, you know, I was just fucking so funny. I wasn't.

Why? Maybe because it's a good boy. Because the cock sucker sat me behind the camera again. I went to the first taping he did, a couple of years ago, is that the one? Yeah. I bought tickets, I went to see first taping he did a couple years ago. Is that the one? I bought tickets. I went to see it with my wife. I saw her twice.

I bought tickets twice. When they're doing the taping, he says, let me get you tickets, please. Just bring Don. You and Don get dressed up to the nines. Behind the camera. We go in. I go in.

I'm literally like, listen. I walk in. I'm going to get my tickets. I'm going to hand to the lady. She's going to, oh, Mr get my tickets, I'm gonna hand to the lady, she's gonna, oh Mr. Kelly I thought I was gonna be walk somewhere in front in the bay, this is calling, they're going right through the side door through the stage Walk off the stage, you know get a t-shirt or something, but she goes, oh you're right there. She just points. That's how close I was to the back door Behind the camera and the guy behind me had Tourette's Spittin' in my wife's hair, me fuck it, you say.

I got Colin with high school with. Well, you said this is funny. I'm so fucking mad. I leave him a fucking you mother fuck a message. I was fucking in fear. I literally watched through the camera lens was easy to watch the show. You watched under the little monitor. The monitor of the camera. Thanks for punching up my joke. I look at this a big running gag for two years about this right between. So he

invites me to this one. I go, Colin, please don't fucking don't do this. He's laughing. Of course, I'll talk to Buckles, his fucking fucking assistant but we're going to I'm literally I'm running there I now in half in traffic. I got scope or waiting for me there. We parked my car. I run Min at like two minutes before shows time. They run me through the hallway upstairs back downstairs Around the city they ran me to like the same place. I'm literally out of breath for no reason. We couldn't win that I get to my seat. There's a fucking guy, literally, one of those mush nose, those boxed, like Collins friend.

You say that. You wanna Collins friends from Brooklyn from, you know, 1968. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you used to fucking, yeah, he's got, he's got, you know, he's still got a rope chain, right? He's got fucking bracelets. He's, he's fucking, he, he, he, he, all, head to toe pier, goddamn. Okay?

Losing a fucking neighborhood, the yuppies. Right? I go to get in, he looks at the size of me, he's fucking pissed, he's like, fucking, he literally goes fucking, he's pissed that he's gotta get up and get out, and his girl's gotta get up and get out to let me in. I sit down, I'm so nervous about this guy,

I plop down right in front of the fucking kid. The camera guy's assholes in my face. I watch the whole show with my head to the side, seething. Next to me was a fatta woman than me. And she said, literally, that's awesome. That a woman than me. Had her elbow on the fucking thing,

and I saw her clutcher fist push down on the thing. It was like, no, no, fatso. I had to sit there, hold on my tits. I had, for this whole, I was fucking inferior. I ran out of there. Yeah. I called him, I was like, you mother fuck. You did it on purpose, I don't know.

He says he didn't, but I think his people, you know what? Someone in his fucking group, I hope they fall off a building. I really do. I hope a camera falls on. Somebody, I mean, the people call me paranoid. Somebody fucked me. Somebody fucked me. Somebody.

Somebody. Me and him grew up like two blocks from each other. We go the same neighborhood. 60 years apart. Yeah. I was 60 years apart. Yeah, he's my brother. He's like his 50s, right?

Like, mid-fifth? I wonder what can we just talk about it? What are the, are you in, what's happening? Are you okay? Are you all right? What? Because of the glasses. What?

I'm not going, buddy. I, listen, I, what the fuck? Wait, I don't care what you think. Let's see what more is there. No, it's different. That means no. And my career with women, that means no. No, I will say I didn't even notice it.

It's just look interesting. Apparently you guys don't want to work the all thing. She was you. That's what. And the offensively takes off his glasses and goes through his mouth. You mean the eye? Wait, I have something on that. So I got an email I want to read for you guys and I, so I...

I got those glasses should come with an easel. An easel? Say easel next time for my friend. It's an easel. I don't know what an easel is. I let him into it. Yeah, you really did easel. I didn't know you meant. You mean, I got a booker here. I don't know what you mean. I'm trying to work Chicago. Yeah, semi reveals of your in town. My email is g46 at Yahoo.com.

All right. Well, that's supposed to work. Hey, buddy. That should have worked. Yeah. Give him a fake email address. Goddamn it. Really?

You're going to tell us what you're working. I'm going to tell you what. I'm going to tell you what. I'm going to tell you what. I'm going to tell you what. I'm going to tell you what. I'm going to tell you what. I'm going to tell you what. I'm going to tell you what. I'm going to tell you what. I'm going to tell you what. g46 at yahoo.com All right, well that's supposed that should have worked. Yeah, give him a fake email address. God damn it Really?

Tell us what you work. Hey guess what? We're all headliners to your clock That's not gonna take this That even a fucking obsequious chuckle from you. I'm secretion You should fuck up put down your mouth now. I went to college. I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm sorry everyone from Boston that I went to college Because you're a fucking working class worthless town listen I read I resent that if I had a bigger word than resent Fucking a sequest asshole

What does a sequest mean? And what does that mean? It means like obsessively, you know, complimentary, like up my ass, like for Brett Boston kiddie, like, you know, up your ass, gocksucker. Hey, let me ask you question. What is the word you look for? What gucksucker, just fucking, you know, up his ass kid.

Kind of thing. What the fuck? So fucking nuisance. Wait, what was it, your new character? You can do less time when you headlight. What, what, what college did you go to? American, the American University. Where's that?

That's in Washington. Is that it? Yeah. Yeah. It was founded by an act of Congress. It's right. Hey, really? Yeah.

What did you take there? Liberal arts What history in American studies? No shit Yeah, and why didn't you I mean what what got you out of that? Well, you're gonna be somebody someday No, I my brother got me in you know, okay, he had a friend because it's a good school I didn't have good grades and yeah, I wasn't that good brother had a friend How do you know He told me he told me my brother working government did he get you know? Who's your brother? He told me. He told me. My brother working government.

Did he get you credits? No, he just got me into school, you know? How do you get it? He knew someone. You make a call. I had good and I may always see plus student. But I actually wanted to get into the American university. In Washington, do you see?

Here's a good phone in my neck of Congress. What? You know what I'm saying? You get a fucking nice point. Oh shit, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude He's on the back here and a diner on the corner. This is awesome. He sounds more intelligent. He has the first. Yeah, and those glasses definitely make him more intelligent. But here's a good story. When I applied was right off the first of all. No, it's a good story. It better be good.

It's good. It's a good story. It's real good. I do stuff shitty story I'm going to tell you. Ben Bailey's eyebrow went up when you said that. I know, but in the pressure control. You got two of the fastest talks ever in the business right here, waiting for this good story. It's a good one. All right I went there right after there was like a major national scandal at the school where like the dean of the school

Who's like a famous astrophysicist his name's Richard Berenson? Are you adding that to make a better story? No, it's gonna be good. Just have some fucking patience I'm gonna have patience. I love you so go let's go. Yeah, it's gonna be good. Just have some fucking patience. I'm gonna have patience. So I love you. So go let's do this. Famous astrophysicist, like famous, real famous. And he was very popular in school, but he was, he was prank calling students, like obscene all the girls in his class. He'd call him like jerk off on the phone and call them. And then the FBI finally tapped his phone and they found that it was him. And he was doing it like, yeah, I I mean it's a pretty good story, no fuck you you say good. That's a good story to know you can go to pretty good He didn't get fired because he had tenure he was such a pop oh

Stop playing the audio from your last show You mean he performed at the grizzly pair if they still call it that. That's a good fucking story. It would be a good story on like fucking if it be a good story. Real Astude podcast. Not not here. I got fucking high caliber motherfuckers, okay? There's another astrophysicist. Yeah, you can look it up Richard Burns. He actually took his class. He was calling the girls. I'm good. I'm good. I'm gonna stick with the story I don't need to further it. I didn't ruin it. It's not that we were like wait a minute It's I need to learn this astrophysicist that guy. I need to have a chance. I tell you why, I could. So you're so fump.

Yeah, you say you're so fump, but there's a good story. Just tell the story. I mean, let us fucking decide. And actually, it's a pretty big story. It made his Wikipedia page. Yeah, big. Not good, big. Big.

Big. Big. Big. Yeah, you just used the rowing's fucking good. I told you, it's really sad. It was national news, but the way you told it, not so bad. I actually, because you think you're fucking putting

you in a movie on its website, you fucks me. Yeah, right. I got nothing for you, except the afternoon podcast. I can get a buzz cut in place, Security Guard 2, if you need one of those. Oh, that was a shot at me. Yeah, it was a shot at you. This was a shot at me. Wow. Yeah, it was a shot at you.

By the way, I did it. Friendly fire. That's what we call it in the military. I did it short. We got a military man here. We got to include everybody on the podcast. He actually has an Air Force guy body. You know what I mean?

I know. How do you do to face? He can still fit into a jumpsuit, but he can't do pushups. Yeah. No, he's a tough fuck. You can tell tell when like his hair gets met like he fucks somebody up his hair gets all fucked up. He's gonna get that face of rage. You can see that. Yeah. I'm just finding this out. I went to the stand last night and everybody called me at rapist. Because you're you're you're dressing like a 1980s rapist. That's what that's what

of that. You look like if I was casting a nice day rape like Christian bail and psycho Yeah, like or I was gonna say They're a chamber or that just meant that Jay Jay was on stage, then that's what that means On the line. Yeah, well you fucking somebody in the bus So did you ever fuck her in the bush? So, uh, do you have a fucker on the book? No mind, my minutes. Uh, interesting. Interesting, this whole website you have been is really,

because, uh, Louis doing it, now you're doing it, now is it expensive to get this off the ground? Uh, it wasn't too bad, really. Not so bad. Oh, I got connected with that guy. Yeah, I got to hang on. It's gross. Yeah, bring it down.

Alright, we, none of us have cash, cab money. No, really. I think I'm going to cross. Yeah. Bring it down. All right. We don't none of us have cash cap money. Really. Really. It wasn't that much. I just said a lot of work, but it wasn't a lot of money because the guy, I mean, the guy who builds the site. Okay. He does a lot of the work and he gets some of the money. He gets a cut. Okay. Of what it brings in. It's not like I didn't shell out a bunch of money. So his on my, I have from my specials on my website too. Um, right. I wonder if you did. I wonder if you did this a while ago. I did it last year. I feel like I'm way behind.

I did it last year, but you're doing is making content available, not just your special. You have a movie up there, what else is up there? There's two movies. Two movies now, these full length. No, there's shorts. Well, how long? 10 minutes each.

10 minutes each. There's one dude that Judah Friedlander and I made like 12 years ago. Oh really? Yeah, it's called meet me at raise It's about these 280. It's trying to meet up at raise pizza, right? But of course there's a hundred raised pizzas, so that's funny That is made a 12 years ago and neither one of us was doing shit What a fucking why is it? We got so busy and it just been sitting around for more than a decade Why did he that is the greatest fucking tagline? I mean, dude, why do you not go pitch that as a movie?

Why is that not a fucking movie? Which is a movie no, I'm talking a full length Put a saw in it make a lot of money meet me. I raise maybe you know, you never know what's gonna happen That's the whole idea to get this stuff out there and then maybe somebody likes to see you. That's the greatest log line I've ever heard. Say that again, two guys mean a raise, but there's a million raised. But there's a million raised pieces. That's great.

Did I know that? Did you mean the world famous one? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the original one. The original world famous? We asked every one of them if they were the original raise. And they all said yes, except one.

Does anybody know what the original race is? Where that is? There's two that are sort of the real, the only real contenders. Where is that? One is little Italy on Spring Street. Right. And the other one is little at least to exist. Yeah, it's like one block slowly getting squeezed out by Chinatown. Is it? Is that Um, and sixth. I have an 11th Right up the street. It's the original. I think that might as well. It's close. I don't think it's there anymore It's not there anymore. Yeah funny a lot of the ones that are in the movie are not there

Mm-hmm. Apparently the rays on Prince Street is the original Prince not spring. Yeah. Yeah, that's where they it's the little Italy one Yeah, there was a big a lot of that's the original one that they all said they were Single one of them. Do you know what? A Benz pizza said they were the original. Now you affiliated. No, no, no. Imagine Ben Bailey owned Benz all this year. That's how we got into Boston Comedy Club. He rented like a Tony Woods back. Yeah, man, I like to be. Well, come do a spot. Well, okay. All right. I want to warm.

Do you have it? Can you handle the store while I'm gone? It just never came back. Ben's by Frank or whatever. This used to be called right here in the corner. Yeah, I actually, one time on my block on 9th Ave, 47th Street, there's like, you know, fucking, I think eight pizzas, you know.

There's a lot of great food up there. I went to, each one of them, because I wanted to know which one had the best pizza. I went to each one of them and walked up the block and I had a slice of each one. Oh my gosh. Guess which one was the best? Which one?

Oh, look at that. Couldn't tell. Couldn't tell, I was full. So it tells me it's all in the same day tells me it did it all in the same day. Did you do it all in the same day? Dude, I did it in the same hour and ten minutes. I walked, I did it around Hamilton too. We left the cello one night on a Saturday.

You know, he capped out early, didn't he? Well, I go, any food cart that we see, we have to try something off of. We did like five food carts. He's like, what are you like sketchy? Come on, it's a contest. Yeah, one of them had like, you know, it was Mexican and there was no English writing on it, you know what I mean?

So like, he started using his gym membership again. Yeah. I love fucking food carts. My favorite. You don't say no. You know, in Montreal Montreal there's a food and just laugh too far too years fuck out of here you fucking lion kid you like places that serve food

yeah on wheels you fucking stop halfway through You just made it a fucking brick and mortar dumb dumb I the one in Montreal you were there they remember the put those there's had they had a meatloaf sandwich Oh God, I made it so famous I made it so famous because I went to it every day But I said everybody there they put my I made it so famous because I went to it every day, but so I was going to be the first to say the meat of sandwich. I said who was the date. But I said everybody there,

they put my photo up on the truck. I swear it up. They made me customer of the month. I got free sandwiches for the rest of the week. Because I sent them like no joke, almost like 150 people. They were like, I showed up the next year, they hugged me, brought me in the truck.

And they gave me a fucking free jar of chutney. They made you the new logo, just there holding the sickle and it's a big cartoon round guy. And how does that compare to a Rubaray's abandoned lot food trucks that he makes you to after the Aruba shows? Yeah, let's stay on this food truck thing for a while. Yeah, he takes you to get the the bowls right the aqua bowls Yeah, buddy. It's gonna be awesome Aqua what is it called?

A sci-fi bowl This is a V-J-2 this is V-J-B-O Yeah, we're a Poke bowl. What is called the sci- what is it? A sci-i Sci-i It makes me angry every time you says it. Where you going? I'm going to get my assaibo. I love Ray but when he says I'm going to get my assaibo I fucking it. For some reason it fucking infuriates me. Especially when you're assaibo. Because it's Ray. He goes yeah I get my assaibo every morning at the same place.

Yeah, I get my assaible every morning in the same place. Every day, you cock, I fucking hate. I'm assa-y, ah, I get my ass, he's saying again, Ray. Finish the world, and we'll stab you with a fucking coconut branch. Especially when he's got his ass. His ass. He's a rude, but daytime outfit on, which is like the glasses in the hat with the fucking hair coming out the sides and like basketball shorts on, white socks. Somebody doesn't want to be invited back to the night. I got it out. hair coming out the sides and like basketball shorts on white socks. Somebody

doesn't want to be invited back. I got it out. Listen, I please have me back, right? Did you like a rubber? I fucking loved it. I brought my girlfriend and like, yeah, did you have even a rubber? No. And you never would you do that, shall? No. He doesn't need the free vacation. I'm going to not, buddy, I just, I'm going to Monte Carlo for a week. I think a Rubo would be great if Ray Allen wasn't. That's a bad idea. I gotta defend Ray.

He's great, he takes you around. He's a great guy. He's a great host. Me and Ray have known each other. Me and Ray have known each other for years. I got a backup up, so. Me and Ray have known each other for years. We bonded.

It's too. I know the five years. But I didn't like him for years. My point is, I know of yours, but then I didn't care for him. He's a great guy. No, but except he can't get over the fact that Amy Schumer hates them. Here's the thing. He brings it up.

Well, he's like, why? I actually, I fell in love with Ray because I haven't gone to a rubah for 12 years with my wife without him. We would go one. I don't need to go, I remember. Yeah, once a twice year. It's the first time you went, man. I mean, so we love it.

Then I found out how much he loved the rubah and we bonded over a rubah. How much we love it because we know all the plays about it. And they was like, well, yeah, I have a show. And you know, you can come. I can, and then I went out there and me and him, we, uh, we actually had a great time. He does take you everywhere.

He's fucking, he's very cool. Great guy. And the show is a half hour, one in the night. Yeah, it's awesome. It's like a, the show's almost like an inconvenience to the vacation. You're like, all right, I got dinner reservations. It's, it's a, a Ruba is one of my favorite places to go.

It's very similar to Hawaiian music, but a Ruba. I like Maui too, Deepo, that's cool. What? What? Are you playing this as some type of fat Hawaiian dude joke? Iland getaway. It's a Lu out, it's whatever. I really like a Ruba a lot and that gig is actually cool

I've heard all only good thing. Why wouldn't you go on it? Would you really not go on it because you is it something like fuck you if I go on vacation I'm just gonna go and be on vacation. You know, I do like vacation work type thing or that's exactly it. Yeah Yeah, you know, it's funny You say that because the last time I was there I had a great time But I had the kid with me so around eight o o'clock, 8.30, we're putting the kid down, which is a cool time when you have a kid, because he's kind of watching TV, you're fucking snuggling, you're talking, you have fun.

Yeah, they finally meld out a little bit. Meld out a little bit, it's a long day. If I could have just chilled with him, put him down, grabbed the deck of cards, got a cigar, me and my wife from the back, coffee, some Dutch coffee, some gin and a cigar, it would be a perfect day. But I gotta go, put on my show. Yeah, it bothered me a little last time.

I like the show, because it feels like you're still working. You're on vacation, but you're not, like, Right, but you don't have that guilt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're not doing anything. Yeah, but me and him don't have that guilt, because we're successful. So we actually need a break from all the work we do, Michael. Fair point.

I just love to do. Mike is such a fucking workaholic like stand up. He's like, I like it because I'm still doing shows. Like I'm still, it's like I'm writing them in the room all day. I'm my backpack. I'm fucking scribbling. That's a great good Mike Vecchio, I need you. That was good. Yeah, fucking writing. I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop Pero ¿qué puedo hacer por la próxima? Yo soy un comic-to-watch. No sé, no sé si es solo un reclom. Yo soy un comic-to-watch, así que estoy en el comic. aprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.

Back in 2011. I believe, right? Back in two. Yeah. Back in two. No, no. I was recently on that show. Oh God, you fucking cock, Sackie.

You got me on that one. It's supposed to be one of the best comedians I've ever seen. Oh, go ahead. Thank seen. I love Mike Beck. But you don't watch a lot of comics. Mike is one of my dude, Mike. Listen, one of the best comics doing top five. Mike's the great stuff. So look at me, top five.

Yeah. Top five. Yeah, top five. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm there. I'm there. He knows an astrophysicist that jerks off on the phone. I'm gonna be coming from nowhere.

He went to a pretty good universe. Look at him. No, where? There's not one person who can watch Mike Vicki on it. Okay, let's say that's some of the best. Okay, ready? Louis CK. Billy Burr.

Come on, dude. Patrice O'Neill. Yeah, Mike Vicki Young. Colin Quinn. Mike Vicki Young. And Ben Bailey. Five and six. You can fucking Ray Allen.

Three and four. Yeah, I look like Ben Frankl. Hey, you want to fuck a quarter? You want to fuck a nickel, sorry. Which made me laugh really hard the first time I've heard of. Listen to me, are you really saying he is in your top five? Mike Veccheon, I just said, Look at me, stop when you fucking screaming.

Stop the top five and top three. Stop screaming, stop screaming, because I know when Greeks get fucking corner stop when you fucking screaming top five and top three stop screaming stop screaming because I know In Greeks get fucking cornered you start to scream Okay, I want you to look at me. It's a rude question. Look at oh, and you're having fun with it Just cuz you're your norfin you want to feel good. Listen doesn't buddy I'm not an awful I have three dads I have more than enough fucking parents. The point is, it's not rude.

And it's not, there's no way Mike would be offended by saying, if you said, I'm up five, I mean, come on, you got, I'm, I'm not your top five. Top five? Yeah. Why are you doing this, Bobby? Am I in your top 150? No.

You're in my top fucking 32? All right,, you're in my top fucking 32. All right, so you're in my top, I haven't done a list in my head. Why you turning me into a fucking politician? You're in my top, which we're returning. I'm a valid guy here. I think we're getting caught up in lists. And what Yon is saying, it has validity to it.

It's very vociferous. You some of your words. You some of your words. You some of your words. Yeah, use your Congress. It's very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very He's big and he's big and Bollywood. I know, of course. I love Mike. Mike is one of my favorite comics. He's not my top five. Oh, top five.

I mean, no, no, that's a high. That's why I said it. Yeah, top five. Top five. That's why I said it. I'm going to a Richard prior. Come on. Yeah, he's my five.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a rude question. It's not a rude question. First of all, it's a most the funniest question ever We just laugh for 10 minutes because of my question If you want to do CNN a red eye be my guest Sorry, I lost Ben Michael whatever your name is Sorry I lost Ben, Michael, whatever your name is. Sorry I lost my cool on the Greek guy.

His name is Gordon Daco. Stop broken looking muller. That's a little rude of you. It's a civilian, okay? That's a guy without guns. He's not a easy guy. That comedy adjacent, he deserves it. Yes Civilian Without guns He's comedy adjacent he deserves that concept. He has no guns on his hips He walked in and took his guns off at the door. He would give me an ass whoopin though. Oh, he would I know I can see in his eyes

And his hair I could just see your hair getting fucking messed up. You enjoy it. Thanks. Yeah The gel comes apart Fucking gel comes off we could jump into CNN mode if you want we talk about big stories a week. Let's go. Go ahead. Bring them up. So what happened at your show? The comics come home happened again at Hamilton. What? There was a my pencil was there. So everyone booed him. I don't think that first of all what they did to him. I don't think I think it was look, whatever. You don't stop a fucking show to single somebody out as a little ridiculous. But what they said at the end, yeah, the show is already over. But here's it.

I know it's over, but you're fucking. You know, hey, hey, before you go, it's like, that's pretty because you're ambushed. They ambushed them. Well, I think they did it because they the crowd had booed him. So then they were like, we should say something. Yeah, they should have booed you, but don't fuck they were like, we should say something. Yeah, they should. We don't think they should have booed you, but don't fuck us. But they didn't say that. That's kind of what they said. They said they were honored that he was there. You

know, you know, they hope that they're looked after by the new administration. Yeah, which they said what they said was not bad. Yeah, they didn't say a piece of shit. I read polite with very polite. It's not offended. Yeah. Well, you, I don't think it could be because it's just like we hope you do this. But it was a little ambushy. It was a little like, hey, I'm there. Like, it's like, when you're a comic and you're with your wife somewhere

and you go out and if somebody didn't like what you said at their show and then they, at the end of their show went, oh, excuse me, Bobby, well, you said, look, I know you're a good guy, but and your wife's like, what the fuck? I mean, it's like, I got the code. If you want to get it, wait, hold up. I just want to say this though, you know you're a good guy, but and your wife's like what the fuck? I mean, yeah, I got the code if you want to get it. Wait, hold up. I just want to say this though. You know, but the difference though. Yeah, is work comedians.

You know, he works for us. That's the thing people forget is these fucking guys work for us. So that that was basically his But do they work his new boss? He's gonna be vice president. They they work for the people But they the people have a legitimate fucking concern. Yeah, and you're in their house. But do they have no time off? They have no stay up. So they get, I'm just asking this question. I'm asking you. So he has no personal time. What do you mean?

When he's with his wife and family, as he, you can just go up to him and say whatever you want to him, 24 hours a day, next four years, he has to take it. Why the fuck not? I don't know about that. That's how you keep leaders humble. We're not, we don't have fucking, we don't have dictators, we don't know about that that's how you keep leaders humble we were not we're not we're not this we

don't have fucking lead we don't have dictators we don't have this guy works for us he works for people I think he's had a question for that was his new boss I think you keep it is I think you keep leaders hungry hungry by not voting for them well they weren't voted for I mean if you look at the majority two million more people didn't want them yeah but that's not that's not the way we Counting it's great. Yeah, but that's not the way we do it and it's just about three million three million to those coming Three million of those votes with dead people every time this comes up. I just get slammed by Fucking podcast fans. Well, here's a way I'm awaiting your comments. Well here They fucking hate my politics, but there's a lot of there's a lot of people that don't count in those votes too. Well, there's a lot of dead people, they fucking,

there's a lot of voter fraud in those votes. I mean, you're saying too many votes, but a lot of those can be taken away because they're not valid votes. In either direction, I think I mean either action. Yeah, but here's the thing too, is that... I voted for both of them. That...

Can you do. I didn't decide, so I just thought that. But whatever, I, what they said wasn't that bad. I don't think it was, you know actually, who said it, the millionaires who watch Hamilton, who got to go to the show. No, the actual cast, the cast stood up. Do you have the clip?

I have the quote. So an actor uh... our cast member of the musical said vice president elects pens welcome thank you for joining us at hamilton uh... we are the diverse america who are alarmed and anxious that your new administration will not protect us our planet our children our parents or defend us and uphold our inner our and uh... are in aliebel inelienable rights. We hope the show has inspired you

to uphold our American values and work on behalf of all of us. I fucking love that. I fucking love that. It's class. What a comment. What's it like, hey, fuck you. Yeah. Yeah, we're worried, man.

Where's the press? How are you guys gonna take care of us? The press sucks is that they presented it like they they he they attack them. They're awful. They're the worst. It's gonna be the downfall of this country. The media. I think it already has been. I mean, the whole that's why Trump's fake new thing. But it's why Trump's president because of the media. Yeah. Yeah, he's he's president. It's hilarious that he he always rails against the against me because like dude that's exactly who created you.

That's exactly who created you. I don't know. It was, I don't know. It's a little fucking ambushy but they didn't, I don't think what they said wasn't that bad. Mark Rufio, Rufio, is that his name? How do you say? Rufilo. What?

Rufilo. Rufilo. The Hulk. The Hulk. He's done other things. You put that right in between The actor I love that I was again

The big green guy. He actually just said he had a really great Instagram today and it made them it was so he is so inspiring because he could just he's an actor. He could just lay back in the cut. He is millionaire. He plays great roles. He is the Hulk. He's a really good.

He's actually in a movie that's called In The Cup. That's true. Not this one, the other one. Where is it? This one right here. Listen to this. This is very inspiring. I think.

On second. I'm going to talk until he's ready to go. The most important thing is that we remain peaceful. That we don't take up the same system of violence that's being used against us. Because once you take up that violence, you are that system. And every social movement where there has been peaceful, resistance,

when they've not taken up violence, they win. Every time the police hit you with a rubber bullet or mace you or beat you or put you in dog cages and treat you like an animal, they lose. Every time the National Guard who comes and stands as an extension of the fossil fuel industry and does not fight for the people, they lose. They lose when you remain peaceful. Oh, and it's hard. when you remain peaceful. Oh, and it's hard.

I saw that. You're a nice, you fucking asshole. You really, just a really fucking dumb Jersey girl. Really. What did you say? Hang on, I got a phone call real quick. She saw it. Tom Celetti, you're alive, first time ever on the YKWD podcast.

What's up? I knew I should have checked to see if you were on the air or not. Well, what I was you have to do is, you know, follow my Twitter. What's up? I knew I should have checked to see if you were on the air or not. Well, I was you have to do is, you know, follow my Twitter. What's up? Ruby, I want to talk. The great producer writer, Tom Saladies on the phone from Apostle Films. What's up? Call me later. Okay. Is that it? Now I'm going to send you something. You just got to check it out later. Okay. It's nothing. It's nothing groundbreaking. Okay. All right. Not yet. Not yet. Oh, not yet. Big not yet for next week's podcast. All right, buddy. I'll talk to you later. I do have an

announcement, but I can't. I can't make it yet, which I'm very excited about. Is it about Mark Ruffalo? Are you pregnant? No, not again. Um. I just think I know that, you fucking moron, such a dummy. Literally heard nothing. Literally, is he? At the end, really? Just look at Adam. Hit me in the hunting, and it's hard.

And she goes, he's hot. That's why with this country's fucking finished. Because of Jersey. Women. I love Instagram. fucking Jersey women. I love Instagram Right emoji I love that he doesn't tie his hair fully She liked the five o'clock shadow that she really didn't but you are yeah, I know That actually why do you think I didn't shave when I came here today that made a lot of sense to me that's too

That's too much of growth That made a lot of sense to me I mean nobody's don't get violent. Yeah, well nobody's saying that's what it's it fucking bothers me When the left gets violent it bothers me because you're the ones who are supposed to not be violent. You're the ones who are supposed to fucking help the right, not fucking act out of people. You're the ones who are supposed to lead the way on peaceful demonstrations. You're the ones who are supposed to help people and use your heart and study your fist. You're not supposed to spit in people's face and scream and yell and be violent and fucking hurt people. It just bugs me when that should happen.

Yeah, but there's a lot of that on that side. Huh? There's a lot of that on that side. On the left. face is screaming yell and be violent and fucking hurt people it just bugs me when that should happen. Yeah, but there's a lot of that on that side. Huh? There's a lot of that on that side on the left. Which is shocking to me. There's a lot of people are angry. Yeah, people are angry. Yeah, we're angry too.

I don't get to hate. A lot of people on the right are saying people on the left are whimps and. Hey, yeah, it's obvious people on the right are like that. Okay. It is, but there are people on the left like that. But I'm angry too. All right, my wife fucking found a big check from a show I did three months ago, she never cashed.

I wanted a fucking cracker, but I didn't. I used peace like Mark said. Yeah, I, it hurt. I wanted a macer, put it in a dog cage, and fucking, why didn't you deposit it? Huh, the check was my money. I make the money, what am I, a fucking tutu? Sir, put in a dog cage and fucking, why didn't you deposit it? I make the money, what am I, a fucking tutu? What's the, the fuck's wrong with you?

Where you from, you fucking queen? Did you misplace a check? Like, you didn't need it. I just handed it to you. You heard me, I just handed it to you. I just handed it to you. I literally make the money and I hand it to us. Clothing, Bobby has cheques,

two years ago, something of ballerinas. Who wears it? Ballerinas. And if he was wearing a tutu, what would he be? Put it together, Ben Bailey. That's a good one. Netflix, give me a special. I'm here.

It's the new Bob Kelly. I got go-go-go tutu. Bob Kelly, tutu-tu. Am I the only one who still doesn't understand? Yeah. I just, I just might. I just muscle that. That was probably muscleing. I godf that one. I was probably muscleing.

I got freed that. It's fucking nice. Oh, I'm with you. I'm with you too, yeah. He'd be like a bishop. I just think it's, uh, I went out she got in the fucking news. Yeah, we have the Bobby, uh, the Patrice benefit coming up,

which I heard you were recently joined. Right got in the fucking news, yeah. We have the Bobby, the Patrice benefit coming up, which I heard you were recently joined, right here in line up. Oh nice. That's what February, right? Yeah. February, yeah. That's a. Have you been getting a lot of tweets about

the Patrice roast footage coming back out? I have, yeah, I've been getting a fair amount of stuff. And everybody keeps bringing it up. I'm doing a bunch of press for the web platform and everybody's like, oh, the Patrice roast, yeah. So the audio's out there. It's one of the like, oh, the Patrice roast. Yeah. It's the audio's out there. It's one of the most epic. This is one before roasts.

This is where they got, I think this was Jeff Ross got the idea for roasts. We were doing it before him. Definitely. I mean, I don't know if that's where we got the idea, but we did roasts way back away. Well, he did the next one. Oh, see, he has the host Jimmy's. No, it was Barry Katz's when Louis one up and was he has the host of Jimmy's. No, it was a barricades. Oh, right. When Louie went up and was like, I don't, I, Jeff, we're going up and buried Ross. Well,

he goes, yeah, yeah, you're not funny. I don't even, all your jokes are from a book. Yeah, he's like, hey, good luck. Because how are you successful? Yeah, it was poems. Yeah, we're fucking awful. Yeah, we're like, Louie, that's not a joke. Yeah, nobody was joking. He wasn't joking. He was just like really mean. At the end of it, he goes, yeah, but you're doing great. So good for you. I mean, great for you. And then he go back to him.

Seriously, I've read most, a bunch of you jokes, they're in a book. But no, you're doing good. The Comedy Central loves you. So good for you. It was uncomfortable and hilarious. It was uncomfortable and hilarious. Because he was literally just making statements.

I was rough. Sort of fucking great. But the one you did, here's the fucking problem. Ben Bailey was always a funny guy. You've always been a great, we always respected you as a funny guy. Top five. You definitely top five.

You're a real ranger man. I guarantee you. Top five, Bobby. Top five. You see, top five. You're a real man. I guarantee you. Why do I always name the episodes episodes you know that's gonna be the name because you're that you're the motherfucker Well, you get a love fucking y'all this cocks. I got always comes up with

He hits a home run Yes, he's named most of the episodes he's on. I guarantee she didn't write that down. I did, I did. He's hot, he's got a five o'clock shadow. Oh yeah, huh. Jersey, huh? I like a piece of piece of his clock in my bag.

So do I need my passport to go to New York? I'm from Jersey. So, uh-huh. Can you tell us about the lead up to the Patrice Road? I'm getting to that. I'm from Jersey. So uh huh. Can you tell us about the lead up to the Patrice Roast? I'm going to, I'm getting to that. I'm the host. Okay. Get back in your prize brown guy.

Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump. You see his book in the show? White guys, get used to it. No, no. No. So now he's going to fucking, he he's gonna fucking spiral out of control now. No, no, no. And now all the fans of the show are gonna really like me.

They're gonna like that part. What do you leave Indian Mark Norman to load? Hey! We're creating an insertion. I think we're creating this. We'll place that fucking end with a B and you have it. Uh, I... Mark Norman?

I don't get it. Mark Norman, dumb dumb. Oh, I still got it. So, here's a deal. We're talking about the lead up to the most recent. Hey, it's my show you fucking it. No. We do, uh, we're, we're We do, I mean, look at it.

Everybody's on the show, everybody was like, but Ben Bailey, I'm gonna be honest with you. Nobody thought you were gonna be as good as you were. Funny guy, but the rose thing was new. I hadn't done one of the rose thing. Yeah, we thought we were of course Keith or Patrice or you know, everybody, but Ben, it's like he's been writing these jokes for fucking 10 years

It's like he was just in the corner of the Boston Comedy Club And when you spoke or said something stupid he wrote it down and came up with a joke that night and he shows up and And he fucking devastates 18 minutes said buddy. We will I think I'm doing the math right now I think it's 18 minutes. It's one of the funniest I've I've laughed It's like a veke young if I remember the times I've laughed the hardest. That's one of the top five no joke I Remember we were leaning on each other. I mean comics. We just fucking we'll punch each other like Many trashes Keith with This is a little surprise.

With one of the greatest Rose joke lines I've ever heard about Kevin Hart, right? What can you please, I've hacked it up for many years. Said Keith, you took little kev under your wing and he ripped it off and flew away with it. Tollywood. Tollywood. Leaving you flying, yeah, I'm colossing.

Leaving you flying in circles between New York and Philadelphia. Buddy, Buddy, listen to me, the fucking roof came off. I mean, we all turned into a black audience. You're like, God, what the fuck? Oh, he did it. I think we all left him outside. I was like, what the fuck? I came back in.

See that, I like roasts like that, where the guys know each other, and it's like affection. Like, nowadays it's like too strange or the wrong. It's too mean. It's just about like body image-shaming. It's kind of like, you stop over the fucker. Yeah, that's pretty mean. Well, here's the thing, this is the best part about it.

Okay, that was killer. Guess who goes up next. Right? Was it Keith? Well, here, but Keith is such a cocky fox. I have the audio from him. Okay, hang on a second. Keith is such a mother fuck.

He doesn't write jokes. Yeah, he just rolls. He doesn't write, he rolls in. It was gonna go on personality. And oh, he's, he's done, he had it. He done, he had the it's factor. This mother fucker just leveled it and leveled him. Then he rolls up.

And we got the audio, right? This is great. Oh, God. This is great. Everybody, keep going. Hey, man, this ain't it. Keep your trying to slip out that door. Jesus, you were trying to act like Norton looks, a marshmallow.

Come on, Keith Robinson. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You have this? One second. Oh, my goodness. Listen to me. Here's it.

You got to understand. He just fucking annihilated. Ben Bailey literally ripped the fucking room off. It was like a Apollo, okay, with a white guy that just annihilated. You know when they go extra crazy when they're not, dude, fucking nuts. Now Keith's going up.

Keith's going up. We're all expecting Keith, because Keith's funny motherfucker. We're the funniest, right? He's going up, he's got, oh god damn it. This is what we got. God damn. Wow, that's the most stage time Ben has had in 13 years.

I forgot that, he's starting off well, yeah. He's out of wisely. He got fucking open micers, everybody in that shit. All right man, now he made me wish I would have wrote for this shit, Liv. Oh, well I didn't. Just showed the strings there. Buddy. Showed weakness. Buddy weakness. He's injured gazelle Definitely top five bombs

That was pretty good. Yeah, I'm glad. I mean much is number one It was really good, but we just shocked yeah It wasn't funny, but we were just literally like what the fuck was that? We're just used to not laughing and they're like oh wait, yeah Oh fucking take what I got right off the cuff if it stinks it stinks out of you This motherfucker literally just did Eminem right eight mile Literally just did Eminem write eight mile You did anybody here's voice kid dryer

Here is fucking mouth dry up he started a shake He might as well just one of one I got nothing that's it would have been better off It's a study only I know I look I'm visually doing it don't can you not question me? Sorry about that basic who knows All right, let's see what we got before we get to the The main course The fucking what Like he's gonna devour him which is not gonna happen The main course, yeah, but he's like he thinks he's fucking got some yeah, no, he's trying devour him which is not gonna happen. This is the main course. Yeah, but he's like, he thinks he's fucking got some.

Yeah, he's trying to muster up energy. Yeah, he's stalling. He's stalling because he tried to think. He's like, before we, I get to what we're all about. Can I tell you why? And he's like, I gotta be back at this seller in seven minutes. No, I'm not kidding. He was hosting.

Guys, he was hosting. That's fun to them. No, he was hosting. That's what fun to them. That he just fucking passed. The Kevin, that hurt host. That's what fuck up. Did he just fucking pass the Kevin that hurt him that hurt it did I felt badly It hurt her admitted it but I felt Totally hurt him and then he fucking was he was walled You had him on the ropes and then they went your next anyone, huh? And then someone slapped him get in there. All right, let's go

Treeso Niel we gonna go around a room and see what we got here I know after that Have a fucking Ben Belly fucking one-out with skin. Okay. He's still getting handshake. Look at already We really worked Like agents we're going up to fucking Kid what's your name again? It was like agents were going up to fucking Okay, what's your name again? Then can I open for you the next rose

You know it's that one rose scene becomes compliments. Yeah Yeah, man that man, that was good. That was good. He's a hero now. Man, can you talk to SD for me? Talk to SD. Oh boy. Oh, boy. Oh, it gets worse.

Oh, it gets worse. Yeah. We got a book of four. Give me that shit, man. Don't ask shit to me, baby. Don't ask shit. Anyway, that's who we talked about. That's who's here.

Todd Lin is here. Oh, boy. What's up, Todd? What can we say about Todd? Did he as an already email you? I am, dude. We're written on a message board himself. What fucking old black guy laugh was that?

What is that? Like an English teacher in the fucking, in the projects. That was just a support laugh, like, please. Yeah, but he's supporting himself. Stop! You know, he was rich. That's what Todd said. He's rich.

Tom. Rich. What? That's everything a rich person does too So you get some new money goes on by every fucking thing in the book god damn it That's why I said god damn it cuz I knew that wasn't going nowhere. Oh my god This is worse than I remember This is way worse He said a sense

He said a sentence with a period at the end Not a punchline Wrong P word at the end of it and he says I got damn and I knew that's why I said God damn He thought he thought God damn was gonna get a laugh. Oh, you can feel it I like this is so great. What's it gonna be? You want to we're gonna hear one of my favorite parts. Maybe my favorite part of this whole roast is coming up. Who else is here?

Hold the fuck up. Is this your ad for? People don't ad for is on Tough Crowd. It's on Tough Crowd. Yeah, the ad for, but Keith's always stunk. He always took a hot one in the ad for. Oh, man. Keith's always stunk. He always took a hot one in the hat for. Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! He was shunnin' fuck up, goddamn. I got more goddamn, I got more. He's really leaning on those goddamnis. Oh!

Oh! Too bad of my hair. And now he just leans. Yeah, too goddamnit. So y'all... Stop it. Did you just make a stroke joke about my friends? Yeah. Okay.

Just checking. How about Robert Kelly? Give it up for Robert Kelly. I'm sure you did good. Listen, first of all, Ben Bailey's joke about me was one of the funniest fucking jokes. I mean literally top probably top five. I mean literally top probably top five I remember yeah, go ahead it was I'm gonna stand I've always you know me have always been ahead of the curve technology wise I always had the best website. I had a website that literally I walked me walked out onto the top of it Yeah little me it's a it's up with you and Zuckerberg it was out of front me it's a it's a you and Zuckerberg it was out of front

Then my lion my web was awesome. Yeah, I know I remember what I said Right, I had I'm literally I had a website. It was crazy. I this is I'm just nobody had a website nobody had a website I had a website. I walked out on the top. I grabbed the mic. I blew into it balls flew out Okay, these balls these all different colors testicles and then in the middle of ball a liquid ball and when you went over with the most arrow my face appeared no joke it was it's the craziest website you'll ever fucking see and this was in the nineties right something like that early to 90s 90s you were ahead of the game for sure all right so go ahead uh... bend jump was like a robber Kelly you know the only comahier the only comah gear who's act. You want to take the baton from that? Yeah,

you look a fucking Haitian bobs. Listen, you, he's had two good ones. I don't want to ruin it. We could go back. I think I said it must be hard waking up every day and knowing that you'll never live up to your website. He didn't hurt! Yeah, he didn't hurt. Because it was fucking on the money. Who does website jokes? Yeah.

Go ahead. Robert Kelly can have the only guy to come toled as bitter and jolly in the same sentence It's got if you don't think bomb in his heart. It's literally taking the breath out of a human Well, he's especially because he's like in front of all these comments. That's what it is. Oh yeah. I'm talking to him. Don't, he's at trouble.

Yeah, at this point. And we were just, can I just, can I just, can I just, can I just, can I just, can I just, can I just,

can I just, can I just, can I just, can I just, can I just, can I just, can I just, can I just,

can I just, can I just, can I just, ow! And now we're just staring at each other. Like, oh my God, thank you. Oh my God, let this happen. Yes, yes. If we don't get him assured, this is God damn it on it. I don't know. We all saw him. It's like someone's mom came home.

All right. What? He ain't much better at fucking the stool. Pop says, why not try fucking the stool? Because that was my favorite. What? Pops says why not try fucking the stool? Because that was my thing. I used to fuck a stool. I used to get big laughs You did that robber when you were handsome Italian, you know God damn it Let it listen let the bomb play don't ever cut that off again Can you stop it real good listen, it's almost getting violent like you know when you when you hear like

It's coming back to me just how crazy it was It's get he's getting mad like crazy it was. He's getting mad. He's getting mad. Everybody else gets mad. Yeah, it's getting weird in there. You can feel that energy. Like it's turning non-fun. Go ahead. I'm gonna set what up in a half a second.

Damn, I'm losing the crowd. What the fuck? Everybody. I never had a walk out on a roast before, but what the fuck? He's coming to the roast! Alright, wait a minute. Here we go. I think I got something left. Okay, stop. You know what he does now?

This is what he does now. He pulls out a napkin from his paw, a wrinkled up napkin from his pocket with a joke on it. He wrote... He wrote it. He is his rose preparation It's on a fucking a napkin probably a falafel and Israeli salad juice You know from hosting of the seller. I love the thinking probably behind it He's like, you know, he's like trying to save himself. He's like, oh, yeah, I got this one in my pocket Jeff the note I wrote myself

Just god damn it on it. God damn it. I don't know what the joke is, it's gonna be funny. Let's give it a go. Do big keep looking. Greg Gerardo's here. Here we go. Greg Gerardo had one of the funniest half-hour one-night

stands of all time. Comment, Lord, I think it was called. That was the joke. Doesn't it make sense? It's a one-night stand. It's what is it? A half hour one-night. He's saying this show is only on for one episode. Wow. God damn it. God damn it is right. Go ahead, what else you got? He's all rattled at this point. He's rattled. We're all, we're rattled. Ben, poor Ben just had the night of his life.

It's ruined, he's just, it's fucking, why did he keep calling Ben? He's in his new name for this rabbit. He's fucking rabbit. He just said, it's B-Rabbit. It's B-Rabbit. B-Rabbit. This is eight mile.

The real Van Bailey. Hello? No? Fuck that one. Fuck that one. Black guy should have defended him. Yeah, it's just, yeah. At this point it's about black. Like, come on, man, you do it for our race.

Just come on. Give us a little up for him. All right, here's my last thing. If this one don't go, you do it. I'm quitting comedy. I wish he meant that. Yeah, how come someone in-screened your promise? I think somebody did. Somebody probably did, yeah.

This is the one joke, and this shit don't go. I actually prepared this one. This is the one he and this shit don't go I actually prepared this one This is the one he read off the napkin. I almost wish I didn't hear this This means you this is this we're all worse people we should play this for everybody who does roast battle just to give him confidence You'll never do this bad at least I wish I heard this pre-stroke, you know what I mean? Like Oh Fuck it sweat like Lisa's lines Thank you boss, I knew you would save me What do you say?

Can you rewind that? Sweating like one of Lisa's lines I think it was I don't know what that is Yeah, we're not gonna hear it is boss You have to get people to it on his fucking People hug ghosts to fucking isolate that audio. Yeah, you can, he's probably still doing it.

Yeah. While those here, Greg Zorobo had one of that kind of extended last night. Forget about that tour you were thinking about Jack-Hans. Fuck, God damn it! God damn it! There it is again! I did it some trees.

I don't have to get off of this guy damn it. God damn it Today, Estee went up to try to get him not yet, but she does here. Okay, good What are we just miss? I stepped on it. I'm an idiot. Yeah, I think at this point Estee's trying to pull him off stage and he's fighting back Okay, so here's the deal. S.D., literally S.D., from the seller, is got up out of the crowd. Now she's at the Boston Comedy Club. That's huge. That she's over there.

Yeah, that's huge. It's up to get him off stage. I think he goes get the hell out of here, pulls away from her, but not joking. Where it got weird, like, almost like fuck you, stop it. Right, we're all in cover to the end now, but we're a plot, but we're uncomfortable, we're literally egging it on. We're all applauding.

I think someone yelled stretch, right? I know that, I know that. We wanted it to, we did not want it to stop at this point. But he kept fighting, right? We wanted him up there for 20 more minutes. This is my favorite part. Coming up, he says it's not over. I mean, we turn off the mic.

Yep. Turn off the lights. Yep. The whole place is sitting there in the dark. Yeah, it's true. We were in the, no mic, no, we shot the building down. Barry, I think Barry shot off the lights and the mic. It's what I keep says it.

You got it's coming up. He says it's not it's not over. It's not over to a fat lady sings. And then Patrice goes, oh. I got intake this pound and I can take it. I'll be leaving comedy for the next four weeks. Maybe a year. I really should have wrote for this year.

Alright, here it is. Okay, here it is. This is the thing that I was over in Norton's house. I was sleeping over. And I got to happen to come across some letters that Norton had wrote out he's trying man yeah wrote out yeah wrote out yeah wrote out why is he speaking like a slave why is he got yeah yeah he wrote out sir Fred Red Douglas and uh this is why he was on uh... when he got open Anthony here some of the letters that he wrote

uh... dear dice ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. I've never been huckle at a fuck. I haven't been booting this bastard to a power in 1990, you got damn hell. Stop. He was booted at the apartment. Listen, that's a fact. He's not fucking joking. He's just stating facts now. But this is worse because it's all the comments in New York City, all of us. All industries. The whole industry, comedy's everybody is there

Listen he was gonna get cash cab until this night I think we should give it to the other guy So fucking great All right, here we go guys. I shit you right Shut up, I got more oh no I got fucking more I'm gonna stay on here until I get it all to fuck out. So, uh, where you from, man? That one's kind of funny though. He's kind of accepting it.

I like that one. No, he's not. He's going back to host mode. Yeah, but at least it's where you from. But it gets worse watching. Self-awareness. He's out. He's a warrior from buddy. It gets worse watch self-awareness What's out of the stretch we're gonna stretch you know what I'm off we want it to go on forever Shut the fuck up, Ben Oh shit. It's perfect there. Oh shit.

Shut the fuck up, Ben. Hey, stop, stop, stop. Because you know, Ben don't take shit. Ben don't fucking, Ben don't take shit. You went, oh, what? So even his alpha male like fuck you, Ben. Shut up, oh, what? Then when, no, you, Ben shut up all what? Then when no, you you're not gonna win that way

You'll fill you shit don't scare me I think the or what is my favorite part of it. The way you describe it was perfect. You're not going to win that way. Is that camera still rolling? Yes. Thank you, Jesus. Yes, yes, thank you Jesus Fooda fucking fairies vampires the devil Wherever you believe in thank you so much for making this happen if the Steinberg's fight if anybody talks shit about the Steinberg's ever again Fuck you because they made this happen

Okay, Jason and Evan are the best people on the planet because this still exists I'm gonna stay up here to everybody fucking leaves. What do you think about that? Hey fucking men killed by fucking you know He doesn't know what to say Fucking you know He's like he's like in chase and like he's thought he saw an opening and he's like fuck you man I love the or what? There's no there's no escape. Yeah, he won No, I don't all right. What, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, That's the greatest shit ever.

That's the fucking怦 is so great. I almost thought it was like, is that him? Oh shit. It's the greatest shit on the fucking planet Earth. It's almost like he set him up. It's the greatest shit on the planet Earth. I'll set you up for that one. Wait a minute.

Hold on, folks. Goddamn it. Oh, you know I'm a half a duper sleep in a minute. Who said the sand man? Shut the fuck up, Goddamn it. I'm sorry to say the sand man. Alright, here we go. That was a mean one I don't have to be funny shut the fuck up like I said Listen like when Billy got booted Philly and it made him famous this should have made it Keith

and it made him famous, this shit-a-made little Keith thing. Can't you literally be show-dose show with Tom Hanks and Spielberg right now, and eight years into a fucking hit sitcom. He should be selling out fucking arenas if they're getting fucking booted. This is the greatest shit ever. I'm not calling shit a fucking day. If I go down this whole fucking roast goes down, God damn it. It's already down! It's already down!

Who said that? That's the best! Hey! Hey! Well folks! Oh, I'm fine. Oh, I'm fine. I'm fine.

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I Well folks I should have took my first voice I don't know what the fuck got me Delirious yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I think my first voice

There's wolves surrounding him What the fuck is that? before that he said well folks That is not a wounded And you won't go down the ref should stop it, but no one stopping it at this point It's not at this point I feel bad I feel bad with No, my first voice I took my first voice Yeah, who's up next

Shut up who the fuck up You know you're not you're gonna trash me some more All right here we go folks before I go They better be able to fight Throw down now That wouldn't event well either He's actually he's gonna start fighting people He's ready to fight. He's ready to go. Oh, no, it's not funny. He wants Dante. He was talking to you. Yeah, something he's gonna fight somebody somebody's gonna fuck he wants to fight because This is gonna give him credit for he just will not get it. Yeah, that's true

I feel like I know fuck you out of care, I'm staying right here. I feel the same feeling when my kid looked at me and said, Daddy, you're my best friend. I feel that same joy right now. Listen, listen to this. Right here, right on the right on my tits. Ah! Hit this bitch into everybody

Turn the lights down, wave Oh, I know right? Hi y'all can sing dance I don't give a fuck I do what I want to do. Oh boy. When I want to do. Oh boy.

Who goes? Ronda? All right, I'm gonna bring to the stage. Somebody else. He's not even hosting. He's bringing up the next act. He's not DMC. He forgot, he's so used to hosting. He's actually at the cellar right now,

he's singing up the next act. He's got a comedy concussion. He's not where he is. He's like, oh, she does. Great to be in Chicago tonight. He's not worried. Oh, my God. I don't remember that. This is the best, this is the best roast ever.

I wish we could fucking like cast it and redo it at Comedy Central on a bigger venue for the world to see Linch mob This is the end of my spot. I have to comedy solo. So I'll stay on Boston forever. I'm stupid. I'm stupid. I'm stupid. What? No, no. Pepe got to bring her already.

All right. This uh. Oh, my God. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. No. Here. Here.

I'm doing what the fuck I want to do. Please don't stop it anymore. Just keep it let it play. And I will never leave the fucking stage. That was root for me. Yeah, I really, I love it. I love it. You.

If you don't turn the mic on, I'll never fucking leave. You better turn that mic the fuck back on, I won't leave. He's fucking mad. It's like, this is like the 60s. He's louder now without the mic He didn't they turned the PA on not the mic so it's still recording dummy Thank God whoever fuck whatever genius didn't turn the mic off Because if you turn the mic off who would have sucked he they turned the lights out they turned the fucking PA off So you can't the speakers off so you can't hear them. Yeah, but the cameras are still there.

The cameras are still rolling the mic still hot, he's still yelling. That mic is still on. Don't leave, I'm gonna fuck outta here. Fuck outta here. If you don't turn the mic on, I won't leave. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy.

Come on. Yeah. Keith, turn him up. Keith Robinson. I was. Yes. The best, let me tell you something. Keith Robinson is the funniest motherfucker. Listen to me. Anybody else with a fucker just crumbled.

He actually got stronger. Yeah, he's like King Kong with electricity. He just gets stronger and stronger and stronger. God's alone by the way. No, it's King Kong got stronger. With electricity. Yes. King Kong got stronger.

Didn't he? Google it. Okay. If you're right, I'll give you 20 bucks. Cool. I like thinking about like the fun part to think about is like when Ben was up like what he was probably thinking He was just like probably like oh fuck. He just was feeling how much trouble he was in hang on one second Yeah, if I'm right you have to call me. I'm never questioning a give king. Okay, you have to say that

I just always wanted to be called king It is what it look it. It's one of the that's what a roast is. Yeah, so it's a best We will roast with the fucking best. you really roast somebody you don't know? You know what I mean? It's like and it's right. Well you said before it's guys It's like the old Dean Martin roast. Yeah, those guys all knew each other So they're making jokes about each other, but they knew I know what I love these guys These guys are like my family well the roast battles the the good ones are when people know each other Yeah, oh those are the good ones when you see these one I judge a the good ones. When you see these, I judge a couple.

The ones where the guys are friends are the best. I mean, I saw the one at, I don't know, were you there at that one where the, each one of them had like three or four family members that committed suicide or died. And they both attacked those things because they were really close friends. And then the guy had a fucking song to the Brady Bunch theme

about all the dead people in their lives. It was the place when nuts, I mean, it just, it was the most horrific shit I've ever heard of my life. But it was so funny because they liked each other. Yeah, this was just ridiculous. Yes. And you were right about King Kong, by the way. I don't, I think it a phrase that a little different. It it's gonna be hard to do but I'll never question you again and

That's it. No, you're the king. No, you'll know. I'll never question you again king I'll never question you again King should I kiss something? I don't want anything after it. There's nothing no question No, sarcasm of passive It's a period right at the end and you talk for eight minutes You are the king and I will no no I will never I'll never question you memorize this line. I you better cuz I was gonna give you 20 bucks I you just created another ISIS member

Oh Jesus Christ the drop an IED in the next pocket this member. I was just scared. People loaned Jesus Christ to drop an IED in the next podcast. Is that how we create them? That was exactly it. You humiliate them and then fuck it. Yeah, that's what we did. We humiliated them. The next song on the podcast.

The next podcast is going gonna be called Ali Akbar That's all listeners we're gonna hear That's a little uneasy even talking about Well listen This has been a fucking motherfucker of a podcast god damn it what a what a fun Fucking night that was and I'm glad we literally just relift it right now I feel like we were there again. Yeah, it's funny too because you guys weren't there But you're right you're right in it. You're right on it I wish you were there because yeah, some really good lines

Oh What a great fucking So some parts of that you know, yeah, I forgot I mean not leaving Turn the mic back on not leaving What did you say what he said over again What my favorite part yeah There's no way to improv out Shut the fuck up it or what all right you got damn it. Yeah, you will kick my ass got damn it

He's Robinson has given me is some of the greatest funniest nights of my life on both ends Believe me. I've taken it to but this great when he Oh my god damn it. I'm gonna chase Bill burrow out because he did're not, we're not. Oh my God, damn it. I remember the Jays Bill Burrow out because he was talking about a gig he did on a bus. Oh my God. I'm waiting for a New York City, remember that night? He got no, he got Yankee tickets. It was Yankee tickets.

That's what he got paid for that? He got, he got World Series, I think it was World, or the playoffs, playoffs tickets, okay? And in order to get the tickets, you had to do a comedy show on the bus. So he had to get on a bus in New York and do comedy all the way up to Yeggy Stadium. He brought it up one night. We were all done at the table. I think 45 minutes. I feel like why would you tell?

It was the funniest fight we were like Bill, you want us to paint the yellow line of the floor of the stage? We'll all spin in a velvet, we'll spin in four rows and you can walk back. I don't know, we can turn the chairs the other way. Yeah, we can go down the cellar and you can walk up and down. We're 45 minutes and I just remember Burr is sinking in his chair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was pissed. I think he left. He did. their fucking loves bed. Yeah, man. I burned I told you I burned close I've tried I felt close

I've gone home and yelled at my wife. How could you let me go out with fucking blue sweat pants with baby boots stripes down the side Good you want to change your shirt of one new year's eve, I think. You can't. I went and bought a new shirt. Everybody's like, what the fuck is that? I decided to dress up one new year's. I went and I bought a fucking t-shirt down the street. I went to a t-shirt place down the street.

I got a fucking trashing coming down the stairs for fucking new years. A week after Jesus's birthday. I'm unbelievable. But I don't think that exists anymore. That was back then. What's that? That trashing each at like, at to that level? It's not like that.

That rose at the boss, that's a specific time. I'm gonna cause comment. It's not like that anymore. Because they're very sensitive right now. Everybody's helping each other out Well So different we helped each other out a lot, but Well the build up for this roast the Patrice roast took a lot longer than let's say a roast for like Legion of Skakes

Because you know just like the time wise. I'll just stop talking Why? What the fuck are you listening, you fucking god? What are you listening? I'm listening. What are you fucking Keith Robinson? God damn it. Everyone's listening, don't stop now. I finished my point, and I said it like, like there was gonna be more, and then I just had nothing.

And then you have no one. Keep swinging, man. Fucking keep swinging, dude. Yeah, I appreciate that. You missed 100% of the balls you don't swing at, dude. Thanks, man. Take the fucking swing. Hey, babe. Okay, fucking swing. Hey, all right with the fuck that I said.

Now you get me actually scared. I'm telling you, style. You're not gonna be here next week. Remember which one was nice to you? That's me, I'm going first. As she's dead, yeah. He actually joked about pouring apps in on her face today. Wow, what the fuck joke is that?

Well, that's very specific. She's just gone because she's a woman and she's not wearing some black over face. I really don't like that her skin is exposed. Yeah, you know. But you've been over it for the only while. Bobby, don't look at my vagina. Stop sitting like fucking Pete Rose.

Fucking Thor. Oh, he's so stupid. Oh I had a great time on this except his fucking computer screen What oh, yeah, oh, cuz you want to see her of course you got a fucking beautiful girlfriend in your life Yeah, it's make it weird thanks I'm just cock-blocking. I don't know if I could be in here. How long have you been with your girlfriend? Two and a half years.

Is she, would you say, top five? Oh, no. Top one, top one. Nice. She's never watching. I didn't even see that one. I didn't see a company either. I was like, who?

That's the person I was looking at. I could take a break in the Civil Law to maybe check my Twitter. Hey, how long you been with your girlfriend? Take over back. Like a much better voice than mine. Wow. She's fucking punchy like McGregor. Nice fucking, just hands with down by a side.

Hey, right off. Just put your face right here. That was the or else of jokes. All right, dude. Or what? I just forgot about it. Or else. You know, I got a comedy concussion.

That was the or else. That was the clean version. The comedy set you would hear. Or else. Or else. Or else. Or else. Or else.

What the fuck is that? All right, let's go around the room. First of all, I love when you're on. I'm glad you came back on. Love you. You're one of my favorite guests of all time. Wow. And you're one of my, you are, yes.

Am I top five? You're a fucking, you are. You're all top five. I'm top five. Look at it, right there. Fucking slut city. That Giannis Pop is right there. I think that was the first time I was on. Yeah. We had that. I'm top five. Look at it right there. Fucking slut city, that Giannis Popp is right there. I think that was the first time I was on.

Yeah. We had that. A fan sent that in a slut city. I was teaching people how to make girls squirt. Yeah, teaching, yeah, it was called a slut city. We did. You say you had a story that you got pulled over in the cobblet you go. Yeah.

Did I talk about that? No, you didn't talk about that. I was doing a rock show. I was saying I'm trying to end the show. Who? Who are you? Fucking slut. I'm sorry. You're gonna wrap it a rock show. I was saying I'm trying to end the show. What? Who are you fucking? I'm sorry. You're gonna wrap it up the show.

Go fucking two hours. Now that's a fucking 20-minute story. Just cause you want to fucking bang you on us. No, really quick, though. Charlie Hustle. Charlie. Oh. Oh god.

Put that in your mouth. The black one. The black gonna be black. Black one. The black one exactly. How great is this podcast when it's just white guys? Like the old days. Drop, drop, drop, drop. Oh, I thought you were serious. I was high fudge.

I bet your listeners like this was the best podcast ever. I don't like to you my listen They fucking attack me buddy anytime. I say anything about how many people I'm 10 maybe 10 I have 60,000 people right so that's a very small percentage yeah and two cops who actually let me off of a ticket Yeah, yeah, you did you got from you they listen to you on YKW Yeah, so I was I decided to drive instead of flying in Rochester because I'm a fucking idiot. I didn't know it was that long. So I was driving.

It's driving bad, right? It's kind of like seven. It's like five hours. Yeah, I thought it was five hours. Yeah, it's like seven. It's called six hours. So I was driving. Oh, let's make this story five and a half.

Let's make this story five and a half. Yeah. My blood sugar's down. After you're asked to pull you out of this room. five and a half. My blood sugar's down. After here, after you're asked to pull you out of this room. Yeah, no, after hearing that roast, like anything, anything Ben says, I'm just kind of shy of him. I'm going to let him have that space.

I want a couple of solid beats before I say anything. What's some separation from his words and mine, just no one can affiliate him Yeah, so what happened so I was so I was like for the morning So I pull I was the fucking GPS took me on like backways for some reason So I was going like 70 on a one or something he was supposed to be only going 40 and it was pitch black So I made a turn on to that highway and there was a car there I saw the headlights, but it was so dark. I didn't know it was a cop car so I made the left and the guys just like right behind me and I'm going like 80 in like a 40 so I just see whoop whoop whoop it was so dark the only thing I saw was like the

different colors of the lights and pull me up like fuck so they pull me over and I'm like yeah it's like where you going I'm like I'm going to you know what's it called the Rochester club whatever it's called hmm is that cool it takes my license is comes back into the, um, he goes back to his vehicle with the license. He comes back and goes, all right, man, just stay slow. We know where you are. We love. We love, uh, you know what, dude, you know, we know, yeah, and he was like, just take it. So have fun and Rochester. We're from there. And he was like, yeah, big fans of that show. And we know you are. And that was it. So I was like, yeah, I was like, thank you.

So most of my fans are great. There's around 10 of them that are fucking doucheys. And those guys who do shoe, they fucking doosh me too. Well, I think part of the reason you let me off is because I was white and then the other part was, you know, like, oh Jesus, you're so such a fucking liberal. Yeah, just can't, he just be a nice guy. I hope now he hears this and next time he gives you a nice hot fucking ticket.

No, I said he loved the show. He knows me from the show. Was it like a good looking cop? Oh, wow. He looked just like Mark Ruffalo. I hate your jeans that come over your belly button. Why? Because you look like fucking 70 grand.

It's all in an acid. God, I wish I could see them. But the jeans, just whatever's going on over there. Fucking looking at Bobby with nothing in my periphery. What the fuck's wrong with me? She did. they're awful. She'll say fucking what's the Janet from Three's company? Yeah!

Remember her, she had it. Yes, she had it. Remember her body was all right. Then all of a sudden fucking Cindy would walk in you like, whoa, the fuck was I taking. Remember her fucking big jeans? Anyways, dude, what are you got coming up? When's this coming out?

It's live now. Live now, but we're also, it's coming out Monday. Sunday night. Sunday night. Well, if you're watching live, I'll be in San Diego at the American Comedy Club. Great club. Yeah, this weekend, this coming week.

How much do they pay you? I don't know. I don't know. Here she is. Here she is. Come on, I'm not allowed to be a good man. I just say it's none of your business, fatty. Don't fuck it up.

I don't know. I just do comedy other than a lot of it. I don't know. I don't know. I guess. My age never tells me. I just say yes to everything. And then I'll be in Salt Lake City.

Why is guys check my schedule? Thanks very much. That's a great club too Yeah, looking forward I haven't been either ones first time both of them Wise guys is one of my favorite clubs. Yeah, great guy. I feel like I Yeah, he's gonna do you comedy thing. Well the other club that was there was I think 51 something I forget what it was they open another club there. It was like it right in town Well, it was affiliated with wise guys I when we booked it and then they separated. Okay, he was using the guy from wise guys. They separated. I went into the club now. When I got there, now they're competition.

Right. But right here, this beautiful artwork is from the owner. Uh, uh, rattle, rattle, uh, what is it? Rattle can heroes, right? Read that right there. You help me, I'll please. Uh, rattle. Yeah, that's right. Rattlecanheroattle, what is it? Rattle can heroes, right? Read that right there. You help me, y'all please. Rattle, yeah, that's right. Rattlecanheroes.com. Rattle, if you go to Rattle, paint it that. The owner of the club painted that.

He's a fucking... The new club? That's awesome. No, the new club, which I don't think is around anymore to be honest with you. I don't, I think you're right. I don't think it is you. I think it's one of them,

but it was a great club. The guy is fine. He's got, he had a brand new Corvette. The new ones, he pulls up and I go, but it was a great club. The guy is fine. He's got, he had a brand new Corvette, the new ones. He pulls up and I go, oh, I love that car. He threw me the keys, he's just, God. And I was like, what?

Yeah, he was just, this didn't give a shit. He was like, he drove back to New York. Yeah, the head was fucking, he's got into it and fucking, he's fucking, he's fucking, tree. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,

God dammit. He's the head. Oh damn. Can I play the audio from a vine of yours that had yawn as in it? Please. The three families have met. Louis J. Gomez is suspended. Three weeks suspended.

What's it done, Gomez? It's like a vine from like three years ago. I guess Louis did something and then there was a video where you, Paul, Verzy, and Bobby said Gomez are suspended. Gomez is. Oh's from the show. Lewis did something wrong. Yeah, Lewis, no, no, I think I remember that. We actually suspended him from the show because he did something wrong.

Well, since the guy owns Wiseguyslis and this thing, I'll be there the 15th to 17th. He, he, he, he's not that guy. Disemperate to somewhere. Yeah. Wiseguyslis, great. You're going to have a fucking blast blast up. Oh, you know what I didn't bring up on this cast Is that a gay? You know my character more recent what a classic It's my I've been secretly trying to just become that person secretly

That's really me. I can't do this anymore I can't be this on his poppices. Oh Oh, you know what I'm happy, I mean. I love Yannis, but I love Mauricio. You know what I'm happy about. Oh, no, no, funny thing I said. I got scared to say funny thing when I look at bad enough. Funny thing, please find it funny. No, I got hired to do.

They tried to do like a sequel to cash cab and I host it So I did the pilot and I was the same company that they came out here It was they try to do like an up an Uber version like when was this this is a couple months ago No, shit. Yeah, lie and TV did and they were telling me stories about that. Those were mother fuckers. Yeah. Oh, is that bad? Yeah. Oh shit. Yeah, he's got two houses.

Yeah, he did. Not fuck with it. No. So it's the same thing. Trivia, you know. It was like trivia. Yeah, and so I did it and it was just, I don't know, it was fucking hard, man. It's like you have the guy, yeah, you got the guy in your ear, you're trying not to kill people.

It's in New York. It's just fucking hard And then you're also trying to like To like talk to the guys and hear the question and drive at the same fucking time. You're telling the guy who did it It is The fuck he's right here the guy who fucking literally invented it and did it. I know. This was off in my own head, like the people at Lion TV that they're gonna call.

Second I step out the door. I know. Are you fucking kidding me? This was fucking over. I can't fit into a Toyota Corolla. Well, I don't think you got picked up if that makes a feeling. Yeah, with you. I'm probably ruined it.

I'm sorry Scopo with a Scally cap. Hey, how you. I'm probably ruined. I guess. Or a scopo with a Scally cap. Hey, how you doing? Welcome to fucking Obo. What network? Bing, Bing. It was a MSNBC one. They wanted to do it.

Is that can they do that? Can they do that? They couldn't do cash cash. No, it was different. It was obviously this. Right. How? Let me, what was it called?

It's called us to the new guy. And that was the working title, I guess. guess how funny would be if he books it if He's just easy you into this thing They go we didn't know you wanted to do it of course we want you to do it. We had some fucking Yeah, we had this guy who I always had a five o'clock shadow Pretty sure he's really struggling with the driving and talking thing. God damn it. Wow that's interesting. I had no idea. Wow so we guess we... well why do we segue out of that? Yeah it's all...

He said how gay. Hey babe remember that show you're on the hit you one fucking nine Emmys? Yeah I'm gonna do a new version. It's a game showing a segue. It's already in the can. It's already done. It's nothing you can do now. Hey, can you need tips on how to fucking listen and drive at the same time? And I made it with all the people you made your show. I've got same people.

They would tell me funny antidokes about you. They did. They said how great it was. I think they think that you're dead. Would you want to keep doing it? They said how great he was. I think they think that you're dead. I think they think that you're dead. I think they think that you're dead. I think they think that you're dead. I think they think that you're dead. I think they think that you're dead.

I think they think that you're dead. I think they think that you're dead. I think they think that you're dead. I think they think that you're dead. Would you want to keep doing it? No. What does he did it in six seasons, right? We did ten seasons.

Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons.

Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. Ten fucking seasons. He's always saying that you get residuals for that show. I don't get residuals, but I get a piece if they sell it That's that's better. If they make a deal like in Germany or somewhere, right? Did you ever get a it's a huge show because they had their own Canadian version? I was a fucking head that one's still going yeah, yeah Yeah, and then when he hit and killed the pedestrian killed the they told me about still going yeah, what they killed somewhere Yeah, what yeah, the guy not the not the host the one of the bad self The guy was driving it back to the production obviously I've ever hit a guy that's not killed all though. Wow, not his fault. That's not the game shows

Well, that would suck. Did you ever get a road rage like what you're doing it? Oh, yeah, which is the name of it. I had wrote your premium Special drivers license. Yes, right? It is the name of my last special. That's right. Hey, did you know road rage. You're premium. I was like, yes, right? That is the name of my last special. That's right. Hey, did you have road rage, which is also the name of the follow specials? Is it really? Yeah. I found out as in the radio doing the tour to promote my special. Mine's actually called road rage and accidental ornithology.

It's just weird. But I get on the phone and the guy's like, I think there's a station out in LA. He's like, oh, yeah, Ben Bailey's here promoting his new special road rage. He goes, and we also have Nick DePolo on the phone and the guys like I think is a station out in L.A. He's like, oh yeah, Ben Bailey's here promoting his new special road rage. He goes, and we also have Nick DePolo on the line. And the Paul goes, air what the fuck? You know what, watch my, I can't even watch my special road rage. Did he, was he first or second? He was before, is was before.

Really? That's fucking your fucking kid. Dude, I had no idea. Yeah, fuck it. That's funny. So, is there a bunch of bloopers out you of you on do to put a real together of me yelling Obstanties and other drivers It would be a four-disc fucking box set it was constant

I just see it's horrible driving out there, man It's like you are terrible, but all the cab drivers know more hanging out at the seller late It's cat will get a cab home all the cab drivers know him. We're hanging out at the seller late is cat We're getting cab home cab driver. I know you I know you We don't have to be in with the where we go. We're not out with Jay. Yeah The cab driver if he did a show about ice cream. I'm sure every ice cream place we go by be like hey, how you doing buddy? Good to see you do the ice do you have any sherbet? He Joe these guys are not citizens even and they know Ben show That was my point.

Wow. All right, you got me on that one. Well, you're clearly even the sassy twink. And I did, they're barely speaking English and they know Ben. What else is, what else is, who else's job are you fucking steal? What are you gonna do? You're doing a show, close to the next talk.

You're on the fucking base tones. I was doing a, I started a new podcast. You know what bro? It's on Riotcast. You can fucking step in anytime you want. I'd love to be home tonight. I haven't listened to this shit. What else you got?

Is that it? I probably are the best. Thanks for coming on. Thanks, Benny. What do you got? Mostly just the web platform with all the stuff. There's a special on there. There's two new podcasts. One called Tall, but true.

Right. Love to have any guys come on. It's a storytelling show. Where do you do it? I do it at my house in Jersey, in more stout New Jersey. That's not gonna happen. You could call it. That's funny. Yeah, but you can call it.

I actually didn't invite you, but... But Bobby, you could do it. No, you could call in I actually didn't invite you but You could do it No, you could call in and do it. Nobody wants to go to Jersey. I live right here worst down. Oh nice. Yeah He's like girl shave today He's got a girlfriend. I'm just saying oh my god No bad people want to throw acid on her face I'm just saying. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

You know, bad people want to throw acid on her face right now. I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to by the way, that was amazing. Well, this is the way you look. There's another big ear and blacker. That's one of your specials. Big ear and blacker. Yeah, all right. Always scared. Yeah. Yeah. Live in concert.

Right. But I have some dates. I'm going to be at the jukebox in Peoria, Illinois, the second third. I'm going to be at one show only at Helium in Philadelphia. Oh, cool. Was that on Wednesday or Thursday? It's a Thursday, the 15th. That's great. So come out be at one show only at Helium and Philadelphia. Oh cool. Was that on Wednesday or Thursday? It's a Thursday, the 15th.

That's great. So come out for that one, guys. How you doing one show? I don't know, I just got the offer. Come do one show. That's great. I don't know why. I've been there in a while.

And then I have comedy connection and providence. Love that. Love that fucking point. December 30th and 31st. So for New Year's Eve, I'll be there. Have you gone out to comedy works in Sarasota? Sarasota? No, I'm in there, yeah, I heard it's good.

It's a great nice fucking room. You too, you honest, and you too, Michael. Should I fucking look into that? It's a great room. It's two and a half hours away. And it's a cool little venue, man. Great crowds. No tickets away.

Oh, that's great. That's nice, yeah. And people show up. Oh, well, they people show you have a little show for you. We'll promote it on the podcast. No tickets away. Six people. I had a little people show up. All right. What do you got, Mikey? I'm at the St. Louis funny bone this weekend. Thanks giving from Wednesday to Sunday. You're going to be in St. Louis on Thanksgiving. Yes.

Yes. Sacrifices. That's the best place. And stay tuned for my I also have a cab show. No, he's actually not a show is just he's driving cabs. I'm just going to apply some time. For a living. It's called where you going. Please tip, but need it. Mikey V fucking great great. They're at comic Mike V

Definitely what you're everything's on there too right? Everything's on my side. It's the real Ben Bailey dot com. You can find the dates and everything on there Yeah, all right, and what's your Twitter to the fake Ben belly? Ben belly Ben belly uber.com I need you to I need you if you're a fan of the podcast please support these guys go to the shows when they're in town Byticket go up to them after the show tell me heard them on the show for your cop and you see you honestly Especially if he has contestants in the back. If the ceiling looks like the dance floor from Saturday night, you give him that ticket. But please, if you're a fan of the show, you got to, if you're, uh, go buy the app. What's the app? Wait, what's the house name?

The app is called the Robert Kelly's. You know what, dude, app, IOS, Android and in your browser, if you want. And Lauren, what are, what are we doing? We get that app. You download it. You go to iTunes download at 199 per month. And you get access to pre-contents. Thank you, deep, good. Thank you, deep, good. Kids episode, the podcast episode. Yeah. Our premium members, we, uh, we're building the, you guys, I appreciate it so much.

It's a way to support the show. It's $199 a month. You download the app for free for each platform right on your phone. You join up, you don't even know it, you take the money out of your fucking, it's $199. It's not six, it's not eight, it's not 14. $199 a month, you're supporting the show, but you also get the premium content. Every show, if you don't have the money, fine. It's 10 episodes, always free.

But when we do original shows, like creeps with kids, which I'd like you to do next time, which would be fucking great. I'm definitely qualified. Yeah, you do. We're gonna be doing another one of those after the holidays, we're gonna be doing another episode that's going up behind the paywall.

You have to be a member. I just did a one-on-one with a, this sounds a little weird, but with a boat act. He only does boats for the last 20 years. Very interesting podcast. It's a whole other world that I never knew about. I'm going to be doing one-on-ones with a lot of these comics. They're going to be going up behind the paywall. People are to join.

Thank you so much. If you haven't joined your fan of this podcast, go fucking join. Don't be an asshole. Also, if you want to come in the studio, how do we do that? You can email me at ykwdproduceratryacast.com. And if you have any breast picks, send them to me at ykwditryacast.com. And I'll dickpicks. Go to Lauren at ykwdcerRiacust.com.

Thank you. I want to thank you for coming in. Thanks for having me, man. What's your name again? I'm sorry, Brian. We didn't talk to you that much this time. I apologize. And you held the mic the whole time with a trooper.

That's what he mic handled. Yeah. And... Come to the Lafactor in Chicago? Yeah, come to the lab factor in Chicago. Yeah. Come to the lab factor in Chicago, man. Well, next time, next time if I'm ever out there, I would like to stop by you and your car broke down. But I did. When your car broke down when you're there and you're on pariscope and we're trying to hit you up, you get to come out. Really? Yeah. My car broke down. Oh, no, no, no. Fucking stavros.

This fuck, or mini me, is it? Oh, yeah, the minion of me. Yeah, he looks like a minion. He fucking, he, you know, he's a pot head, and he's a pussy head. So the night be, my birthday, I take this kid in the fucking road with me, my birthday the night before.

I wanna go out for a steak, I'm gonna take him to a fucking Gibson's, the great steak place. One of my favorites in Chicago, right? He leaves me for some fucking chubby redhead. Second week in a row, by the way, two chubby redheads. Leaves me, takes off, goes guitar. I'm at a fucking steak place by myself.

Well, with the guy who booked the show, I don't know, he doesn't want to be there. He doesn't fucking, he half likes me. He's staring at me like, yeah, I go, you want anything? He just got like a salad and a cup of coffee. He don't want to be there. I mean, the fucking rib eye by myself, like a fatty.

This guy didn't even get laid, just got stoned. I'm by myself, back in the room, by myself. And then this fuck, the next day, we'll go, we pack up, I'm getting the fuck out of there. We get to the car. I Go where's the keys? Oh Fuck he left him. He left him in the guy's car. Oh, man. I call him. He's two hours all the going to another gig already Yeah, I had a pay a casino to come back He comes all the way this we're sitting in a fucking parking lot.

That came out of Star Wars' pay, right? It's a... Yeah. I wish I could have took it out of his hide. Just cut a piece of fat off his back. That's not a fucking... I'm going to bail in Beckfett. Well, here's the thing.

Here's the thing, he fucking... Here's what he does, because he panics. And when it's, look, when it's not really that tragic, I usually flip out. But when it's a serious thing, I'm usually pretty calm with it. So I'm like, you gotta look for the keys. And he's like, I don't know.

I don't, I don't, oh Jesus. I'm literally going, hey, get it together, fatty. We need to key. I don't need you fucking losing it And he's like I just I don't know why I'm like stop fucking Why are you moaning Literally on the ground in the parking lot with clothes around him. He dug out of a bag holding his fat head Fucking scary scary. So that's why we want on a paroscope just to ease the tension. I'll FaceTime. I was like, just in case he, you know, chooses me as something.

I had an on video. So there you go. You can do that. What else we got? Me and I give Lauren's dates. Okay. You want Lauren first? Yeah, sure.

I don't think she has dates. You have dates, sweetie? No, I don't. Sorry. You don't have any shows I want to show it with Mara at Santa. What is it? You want to promote it? Yeah, it's pre-nup. We do it once a month. We don't have a date next for December, but what's it about pre-nup? What we do is we have like, we do like a meetup group of all-divorce women and they come out to the show. Let me see your hand for say. I want to show him. Look at that. You like that? How's that? Is that good for you? Why is it just him? The rest of us are men, too.

You got a girlfriend? No. You don't have a girlfriend. No girlfriend. Hey, Paisone. She didn't even say that right. She didn't even say that right. You know what? She doesn't have to. She doesn't have to. Why don't you back off? You should have said, hey, dumbzo. Hey, gumbah. Hey, gumbah.

Hey, gumbah. Hey, gumbah. Hey, gumbah. Oh, you two are... With that pi-zone, if anybody was made to have a dumb kid, it should be. That kid be at the gym week one. Yeah, go. Yeah, go.

We felt all the way. Well, my feet are doing crossfit. It's right, pi-zone. I love you. I love you. right, Python. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. So we have a bunch of women come out So yes, you know, it's a comedy show. Yeah, I thought divorced women Sounds like a sad Did it oh you had Mark Norman there he's a future divorce say

He's a future divorce say Good Hey, miss humor allowed that Hey He's a pie zone He's a pie zone What do you got Teppo? They can follow me at R2Depu I got my two podcasts which are in the link of my twitter bio

And I also have a gig The guy who told me to do more crowd work is having me at the heritage lounge on December 1st 9 o'clock Is he listening? I don't think he's listening to this. No, to your act Well, he did at least once so I will good for you buddy. Where is it again heritage lounge in in New Jersey? Orange orange you knew Jersey up. That's right. And what night what day you gonna get first. I think it's a Thursday. December first. Thursday. Listen to me. You guys you guys, I know there's a lot of fucking YKWD fans out there. Go and support him. Yeah. Be there for him. Watch the bomb. Enjoy the bomb.

But you might not bomb you fuck. Yeah. Well, they could get lucky. You care for some bomb. Hi, guys. This has been one of the funniest shows in a long fucking time. If you didn't laugh at this podcast, I don't want you as a fan. Where's the regulars, dude? Yeah. Right? They're right here.

These are the fucking regulars. Okay, they're called comedians, you're fucks. Anyways, the rest of you, I love you so much. You're the best fans in the goddamn world. Thanks for listening. You know Anyways, the rest, yeah, I love you so much. You're the best fans in the goddamn world. Thanks for listening. You know what, podcast. Take it easy, guys. You've been listening to YKWD podcast.

Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcats.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free, and they're all free. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH