Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Top of Our Game

Episode Date: January 28, 2019

Yannis Pappas and Mike Feeney join us to talk about the controversy in Covington and why you can’t trust the media, but kick things off with mini concert from the boys to draw out Gabbys hidden tale...nt! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a clash to fuck. It's podcast, no rules. I'm gonna the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a microphone? Oh, fuck the fuck.
Starting point is 00:00:22 That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on. It fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and yapping. Sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin.
Starting point is 00:00:36 That's not what a host does. You motherfucker. You want to do anything? My podcast is popular enough where I might affect some of these lines. You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com. Yes What's up, fuckers? My my things still sounds fucked up. It's a act, but you know, what is that? What'd you do?
Starting point is 00:01:12 You know you work so hard to get this right and then we get it right now I feel like I have I have an echo in my head like there's nothing between my ears go go go go go go go I was at it different than in the other week? Thank you. That was a good one. I'm there it is. You're fired. Get out. Well, it does sound stupid. Little Timmy.
Starting point is 00:01:32 It does, right? Yeah, little Timmy. It's not a little starable. What are you doing? Zach. Oh, God. Sounds Timmy, right? Yeah. Well, we just, yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:43 This is how our podcast just so it's always a toss up with Zach. Yeah, but what's going on, right? Yeah, well, we just yeah, this is how our podcast is so it's always a toss up with Zach Yeah, what's going on Zach? I mean, we have it right every week. What are you doing? I feel like he got this job not knowing how to do it and he's been googling YouTube videos ever since Peach, dude Teacher who stays one lesson plan ahead of the class He learns it as issues come up I don't I don't want to bring up the D word, but what's the D word? D-po. How would we know? That you're gonna say exactly.
Starting point is 00:02:15 Yeah, that just smashes on the glasses. Don't say it. I thought you were gonna say dumb because you got tattoos of words on his fingers. Anyways, is this better, Kamauka? That's all I'm fucking telling you. Sounds better now. Does it? Well, it sounds like it went from sounding like I was in a kitchen pan to. I mean, why is it not a sound check before the show?
Starting point is 00:02:37 No, I just, why did it sound like shit? And now, you sounded a little better now, Zach. A little basic. Whatever you just did is doing better. I wanted to get a fucking thing of white out and white it out. And then tape it down. And I want you to convert Christianity. And then I want you to be a Jew.
Starting point is 00:02:54 Stop being a Muslim. Are you a Muslim? No. No, he's not a Muslim. Oh, he just plays with it on the history of you. That sounds a little better. I like that right there. I play with it.
Starting point is 00:03:03 He's a stress. We call him Zach Isis on the history of it. I know you do I like that right there. I play this one. Jesus Christ. We call him Zach Isis on the history. I know you do. Because he is Palestinian. Yeah, so what? Yeah. I mean, so what? Yeah, what do you think he's a seed? I'm just saying.
Starting point is 00:03:13 Is that what they call them? He's not pure. He's not a seed. Like the sleeper cell? A sleeper cell. Yeah, he's a cell, another seed. I'm just hungry. If he was, I mean, he kind of,
Starting point is 00:03:24 this is kind of the perfect kind of cover for him a Jewish He's got a job, you know, I don't hear right cast. Yeah, it's our David downstairs on a window. Yeah He's got a rap career in a mixed tape. It's kind of like he could be undercover. Yeah, away for the perfect night with his mostly Jewish comedians on stage Next to the stage moody You get two for one on that one he waits till he hears no him say he wants to watch Modi's new stuff then the Navagos all come down to I just want to do I I will let's get into this
Starting point is 00:04:02 a little bit here I really I'm so very sad right now. I'm very, um, I'm discombobulated actually. So let's get through the ad. How's that? First of all, um, where's my dates? What does that catch me if you can't? What is that? That's a great film.
Starting point is 00:04:19 Zach learning on the fly. Oh. You're so hipster. He need 30 years. You need a booklet to go with your gifts. And bridge board can get this weekend in Albany. Go this is a new club stress factory bridge port. So Albany next weekend and then Tampa Tampa and probably doing the cruise. Are you on it? I was on it last year. Okay, you're gonna love it.
Starting point is 00:04:48 Versus a lot of them. Very excited. Yeah. Very good things. Yeah, I want to have good things have you. Just heard. Yeah, my state's great. Gabby, your dad's episode, David Bryan,
Starting point is 00:05:05 the Bon Jovi keyboard man, the fucking genius that he is, came to my shed and he, patreon.com, slash Robert Kelly. If you're a fan of my podcast and you're not a member of Patreon, I don't know what to tell you. You gotta go there right now, become a member. We, I'm sorry for the last three weeks,
Starting point is 00:05:20 like we said last week, thank you for sticking in there. Zach took care of everything we all did and all the shows are up there. You get the YKWD early. If you have a problem with that please let me know. But we're checking on that. And we're just adding new content all the time. I'm putting two reviews up there this week
Starting point is 00:05:39 and something, I got another thing going up there too. I did a skit with Verzy that's up there, which was fun. Lone. A Lone is up there, Lone. Have you seen that? No. I should watch it again.
Starting point is 00:05:53 No, I got a fucking smashing for that. Gary Gummick, you have to see me tonight, and say, listen, I watched your little short film Lone and I loved it. Thank you for sharing it with me. It was beautiful. That's great. So, some of my friends thought I was a fucking,
Starting point is 00:06:12 just a fucking piece of shit and should be, you know, made fun of for it. And some of my friends loved it. And then- That would be one of his tips. And then some of my friends were both. I was both. Yeah, you were both.
Starting point is 00:06:24 Like back and forth. Back he loved it. Back both. I was both. Yeah, you were both. Back he loved it. Back he was great about it. Mike, you loved it. We're not friends. I said the voice in my head. He's from here. I saw his lips move, but I know it was coming from my head. I think, did you read my text to my wife.
Starting point is 00:06:47 I, uh, anyways, yeah. So there you go. It's up on the at patreon.com and my dates and all that rubber can live. I want to go through this. Well, let's bring up these guys dates too. Yannis, what do you got coming up? I will actually be in a Canada this weekend. When does this come out? This weekend Hamilton, Hamilton, Ontario.
Starting point is 00:07:08 Who I love Hamilton. Yeah, I'm being the hammer. It's the hammer. Actually, Hamilton, interesting fact, the most scooters in North America. Really? Yeah, the most. Are you sure?
Starting point is 00:07:20 Have you been to Atlanta lately? 100% sure, Hamilton has the most scooters. So what kind of scooters you're talking about? Like people who are a little too heavy and can't walk anymore, they have to get around. Oh, rascals. Yeah, they gotta get there. Not bird.
Starting point is 00:07:32 No, not his scooter. I'm talking about a big person scooter. Wait, what the fuck was that pause for? Well, I was just, there was nothing. You're sitting over there and we're talking about it and you're the one projecting, projecting into the future. Why, why are you taking, I thought that's what you meant. Oh, you meant like, project, ah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:54 No, no, not, not at all. Is this the, I mean, this is the only show where we guys can make fun of the host as much as you do. I mean, there's no other show there if the host takes as many hits as I did. This show has no rules Yeah, I'm so yes the rule is show, you know, you look good though. You look slim. I hate you you do Yeah, okay, so yeah, you're in Ontario. That's great. What are you playing the theater? A theater no, I'm doing the levy what's it called brand new comedy club levity comedy club
Starting point is 00:08:23 It's the brand opening weekend. Same levity guys. No, no. They stole the name. I think so. Yeah. I'm gonna get a quick seasick assist. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:33 So yeah. Sure. It's actually from what I understand. It's the old Yuck Yuck's club. And now from what I understand, it's levity. Levity, why levity? Why is levity is not fun. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:44 I mean, a little too, it's a, at least levity why is levity is not fun? Yeah, I mean little to it's a At least levity live and live at the end of it just levity We're just gonna bring a little levity to you I think a lot of these comic clubs don't realize is that that you don't have to you don't have to go to be rich Yeah, to be my world You don't have to be cool Don't have to be cool, just remember a new particular sign And when a lady and mom won't show extra time And don't shaman kiss
Starting point is 00:09:12 That fucking song makes me want to eat my own pussy Ah, so fucking trans that song It's like, does it make you want to be fucking her mafardite? Just different things People fucking hot that's You want both So Mauricio and you don't fucking separate that's today I need so this ass putting not going to lick his out
Starting point is 00:09:49 It's not going to lick his out It's not going to lick his out You need to come here and do that shift for me And can't help that's it You think they like ass pussy in here? They told go see yana's puppet do his little stand up He got a little stand up That's cute
Starting point is 00:10:03 You be doing your little stand up to Bobby Kelly I you know Salvo I was you both going to be on the ship to God though you want that holy shit they better reinforce I saw his YouTube and his old videos with the guys and I found this clip. I fucked your son. I fucked your son! I fucked your son! I fucked your son! And he fucked me back.
Starting point is 00:10:35 What's that? The tenderloin? I can't get it out of my head. I fucked your son! I fucked your son! And he fucked me back! That's the greatest song ever Yeah, I will be up to a cell but anyhow you're gonna be up there. Please go check him out
Starting point is 00:10:51 One of the funniest one of the greatest Yannis poppies what do we go for Mikey? But just sitting down on the show for a while I've been trying to come back, you know, yeah Well, what I what last time you're supposed to like, I had to go back as my dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there you go. Always happy to be here. Uncle Vinnie's.
Starting point is 00:11:11 Yeah, Uncle Vinnie's. The sound sucks in here, but there you go. Yeah, yeah. Uncle Vinnie's in March. I didn't put it up on the website yet in March. I'm doing a Thursday, two brewery shows. One in Hamden and one in Rocky Hill on that Friday, March 15th had
Starting point is 00:11:25 lining both of those. Really? Okay. I love that picture of you. Yeah. Yeah, you're a Tignitaro. There's actually doing a sticker treat. If she was a hot girl. Yeah. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:11:38 You really do look like fucking Alan. You're a handsome woman. I was going for a John Mulaney vibe that yeah, well you missed yeah And you went for a hot lesbos Yeah, yeah, if I took that shirt off and there was just a fucking ace bandage around your tents I'd be happy or if you just had the flat tits with the scar underneath where you know they it was removed Your tissue. I don't know if I like that. That's got a gross. Well, that's how they look By they I mean hers hers. I got a gross. Well, that's how they look. By the, I mean hers, hers.
Starting point is 00:12:07 I got a backpedal out of this. Am I okay guys? No, especially if we don't have a way to join Jean here, I do. To get a double mosaic to me. So you might want to back out of that with you. I'm out of back out of this.
Starting point is 00:12:16 I support everyone. Please. I love that you on your gig, you had to get your own wristbands. They wouldn't let you backstage. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of imposters, you know what I mean? Who took that? Yeah, it's a Mindy.
Starting point is 00:12:30 It should teeth. Here, your mouth looks gay. My mouth is gay, but my heart is not, you know? You should have put that in black or white and you would have looked a little more of Dick Van Dyke. Now, just Dyke, you just look like Dyke now. Just Van Dyke. Anyways, Brooklyn and Brooklyn and right now, you know what, you're getting Brooklyn.
Starting point is 00:12:49 I'm getting what? You're gonna get some Brooklyn. Some Brooklyn. Brooklyn is a, I mean, this is a sponsor of my show, but I love these guys and you fans of my show, you know who these guys are. You spend a 30-year life in your seats, so why don't you look for a new year's resolution?
Starting point is 00:13:04 All right, bed and sleep is a good place to start. The new year with new sheets, I got them. I got three pairs. I keep telling you that. I love them. It's like, you know when you go to a hotel room that's rocking and you get into that bed, you know when you go to a hotel room
Starting point is 00:13:20 and it feels like somebody was just sleeping in it? Like there's no way they changed the sheets. These are two, these are two just thin and flimsy, but then you get into that hotel on that good gig. Yeah, when you sell tickets. Oh, and you got to kind of jump up in the bed. Yeah, they don't put you in the condo, they put you there. Oh, and then you get into those sheets and you just, you peel that, that layer back and
Starting point is 00:13:42 you sneak in. And you take out your phone, you start jerking off. Well,. Well no. I'm in there. I told you. Can you? I mean, you don't fuck up. Oh, sorry. Listen, no. I would say that you you kind of get into the sheets and you you just want to go to sleep. I mean it just you focus on the sheet. I have I have these sheets and I love them. My wife on them about two more pairs and they're unbelievable. They get over 30,000 five star reviews, which you guys know, on online betting companies. A betting company is not betting. It's not gambling. I got two sponsors. Anyways, half a million
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Starting point is 00:14:39 Yeah. I mean, what? Just respect yourself a little bit. Make your room the bed. Yeah. You don't need walkie, What are you doing? What are you Muslim? You gotta get down on the five and nothing to no offense them But yeah, you just get yourself a queen bed live like a person You're gonna bang a girl and look I give you a full respect if you're banging in a twin
Starting point is 00:14:59 You're a man because I used to bang in a twin up a 97th and Lex. Oh, yeah, yeah But I didn't have Brooklyn and sheets. And if I did it would have been a plus. I think the Brooklyn and sheets override the twin bed. I think it's better to have a Brooklyn on the twin than shitty sheets on a king. Or it's better to have twins on a Brooklyn. There we go.
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Starting point is 00:17:03 What dude? I love the sponsor? This is a great gift. You might get these. I am going to get these actually. I'm not even joking. I will get I hate going to a store and having to ask somebody like which is good, which I like it nice and easy. Here's the thing.
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Starting point is 00:17:24 You go to a store by sheets. the pillowcases here, they get a king, they get a queen, you can't find your sheet, you can't find the pillowcases that match it. And it's just a nightmare. And they're not the same company. It's a little off. You don't know what the fuck you're doing. And then you're going to go find some lady or some dude who has no idea. Go on the site, just order them and guaranteed soft as hell.
Starting point is 00:17:47 I think actually, like sheets, is this is the internet makes buying sheets, like this is this needed to happen. Sheets are one of my least favorite things to buy. Yeah, yeah. I agree. I don't know what the fuck to get. There you go.
Starting point is 00:18:01 Now I'm just gonna make it simple and go to Brooklyn and... And it's cheap to 187. You know, I went in one time, I got these sheets and I was like, I want these, they were like 700. Right. And they gave me some Egyptian count, I said, listen, settle down. I'm not spending 700 on sheets.
Starting point is 00:18:16 Yeah. I'm out of your mind. After a certain point, I feel like thread count goes out the window. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'll just go stay at a hotel. See, that's the shit I don't understand. It's like the thread count.
Starting point is 00:18:24 Well, thread, when'll just go stay at a hotel. See that's the shit I don't understand is like the thread count Well, when it's when it's for thread that's basically a a sharp piece of sandpaper, you know, I mean you need like 600 and up I think See yeah, that's what always confuse those ones that his he was talking about It's probably like what what's the thread count on the Brooklyn it's up there, but the I don't know I don't know what the thread count is, but it's it's do they sleep cool that the pillows are cool all night, baby Here's the deal my belt is on me right now, but if I unhook it. Yeah, okay if I unhook this belt it'll be like I'm gonna go flying into the wall Yeah, it would be I don't know if I get it back It'd be like trying to out hook one of the one of the ties on the hot air balloon while you're in the air
Starting point is 00:19:06 and trying to get it back on in air. Like a cartoon bullet that's just pinging off of everything. I just don't know if I'm gonna get it back on at this point of the day. I'm swell. And I don't mean a nice guy. Well, you know, I've put on weight. I only have two pairs of jeans in February now.
Starting point is 00:19:21 I'm back over, I'm 207. Wow, I need to get back, you know, I won't put those 225. I was a fat kid when we met. I know you were. Yeah, I was a fat dumpy kid. Yeah, then you went to Miami and came to fucking skinny Puerto Riga. I did, yeah. Yeah, I was depressed.
Starting point is 00:19:36 Hello, morning. Good morning. How you doing, Miami? Welcome to Weapon the Morning. We're on his Pemis and Marissa Rodriguez. I'll say I said that's when you could have actually is it too loud a people complaining in the chat room That's you could have got some real money for you pussy She's a very vulnerable Bobby. I gotta say I'm a little I'll tell you I'm a little out of it. Yeah, I'm a little out of it. I just went
Starting point is 00:20:04 It's been a long day anyways. I had an audition today. That takes a lot out of me because I have to really try to do these things. I got a kid. I'm home yesterday, I got to stay left. I don't know, 12 o'clock and I'm home doing my audition by myself.
Starting point is 00:20:21 I haven't seen my kid in three days of whatever it is. Fine, that's life. I get it. Don't be a pussy. I'm with you. But I'm sitting there and I do my audition. I do my and then I'm like, you know what? Fucking I want to go be with my kid. And I took an Uber over to the palisades over the tap and Z new bridge. And I went over there and hung out and I had to find them. They were in a store and got, you know, got for big my wife act surprised like she's excited. in a store and got you know got to be my wife act surprised like she's excited she's like hey hi what are you doing here oh that's good I'm glad I'd rather catch a bang in somebody I would have I would have but at least more thrilling just catching her bald deep with fucking max max had fucking busy bees but
Starting point is 00:21:00 she's balls deep around the corner in a bathroom. Fuck on throat. Whoa, what are you, at least she would have had a little more fucking pepper than a snap. But anyways, we went to the mall. Yeah. We, uh, we, uh, we was fun. Max had a good time. We had a good, we went up up to a good time. We came home blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 00:21:19 I want to work on him a shit late. And then today I had the audition, which takes a look, because you leave these things, it's like working for free. You're literally working for hours. You're working for hours to get this lines down for nothing. And not even just to get another audition, just to get into a more stressful position. Literally. Because you, now, okay, ship down to you and five other dudes.
Starting point is 00:21:44 Now it's you down, you and two other dudes. Now, okay, they picked you, maybe. And now it's up to you, what do you want for money? And now it's up to, okay, you got this, and it's just this process of, people don't understand, you know, famous people just get the gig and show the fuck up and their confidence levels out of the roof.
Starting point is 00:22:02 Most actors, the process of getting a part is mind-boggling, just the anxiety levels, and they have to walk into a room and deliver over and over again. It's crazy. And also the ratio is incredibly, it's like 60 to one, you know what I mean? In order to the amount of auditions you have to go on
Starting point is 00:22:20 and second auditions to actually get a part. I don't know if 60 to one is a ratio, is it? Yeah. That's ending exactly what a ratio is. Oh, I thought it was 60 to like maybe 40. Wouldn't it be like 99%, you won't get it, 1% you would? I mean, I guess I'm saying there's a one in 60 chance,
Starting point is 00:22:36 but I mean, you're going one and 100. I'm tired. I like, I've never even seen this kind of you because you're not even like a peppy enough to like really dig in You digging your heels on your point. You're like I don't know maybe I Well, here's the deal is I just what can you get that who cares? I don't know what is it just doesn't matter. I just want to saw Quinn's play. Yeah, there's one man
Starting point is 00:22:59 I'm just I want a quick comedy. Yeah, I just I don't know how to I I'm just I want a quick comedy. Yeah, I just I don't know how to I Just I'm just like I'm done. I mean what while I we do. Why am I doing this? He's just a smart funny guy I just don't but it's like it's so hard to make politics like funny and like still be teaching people stuff And I feel like he's incredible at that. Yeah, he's a master at it. It was so fucking good man It was so fucking good, man. It was so good. I love calling it. I love calling it. It's just like, here's a deal.
Starting point is 00:23:29 As I've been to three of these already, and I still, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, no you're not. You're not gonna do shit. Yes, she is. We just talking about Quinn. Let her on the mic for a second. Sit down for a for a second Lizzie can you sit down for a sec? I just thank you. I I Want to quit comedy list. I mean I'm funny. Everybody shit. I
Starting point is 00:23:56 This is done at the cellar. Oh you cock suck. I should I just I get it. I'm funny. I know I do my thing But then you watch somebody like that and you're like, well, why don't I just spend a little more time, just seven months of a year, six months, just do your act. Nothing else. Don't do fucking podcasts, don't do fucking, other people's podcasts, don't do shit, just do just do your act just work on your fucking And need healthy as well. Well, let's settle down
Starting point is 00:24:31 Baby steps. Yeah, you really think I'm gonna be a lot of vegetables If I get abs again, you think I'll be funny. No, I'm gonna dump dawn. You want to go to the mall Exposed Collins been working on this a year over year over you easily 18 months I'm all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong, you're all wrong day there was something new, or, I mean, he... He went through... It's a student of comedy. He went through 50 states at the end of the thing, the closing thing where he goes through the thing.
Starting point is 00:25:12 And you're like, oh my God, he just went through all the states. And that's the newest stuff. That's the, that's almost brand new. This whole thing evolved. This whole show he's doing is about what's happening right now. And there's lines in the show, you're like, oh my God. And he's fucking talking about what's happening right now. And there's lines in the show where you're like, oh my God, and he's fucking talking about,
Starting point is 00:25:27 you know, left, right, center, it's crazy. The problem, the solution, the future. He had a line in there. What was that line? I don't know if I should tell anybody. He had a line, I don't know what he said. He goes, I can just say it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:43 He goes, here's the deal. This is what we should do. At 18, everybody gets a million dollars. Oh my God, I love that. If you spend it all, we kill you. That's what you got. That's an example. That's in the social estate.
Starting point is 00:25:53 That's the good one. It's like you can't, you gotta go see it. Minneta Lane tavern. It's great, you're not tavern. Fucking what is it? The Minneta theater. It's tavern. I just told you to go with tavern on fucking third street. Go to Millennial and tavern and have yourself a fucking pale ale. The fat cock sucker.
Starting point is 00:26:06 Three March fit. March fit. So there you go. I was just, I, I, it makes me, I walked out, I'm like, I, what am I doing? So I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do a fucking bag review in my shed. Suck. Unreal. Where were you sitting?
Starting point is 00:26:19 Subscribe to my Patreon! We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. I'm gonna do I'm gonna do a fucking bag review in my shed Where were you sitting subscribe to my page? You're on where were you sitting? Oh, I'm sorry. Where were you sitting? It's uh, where were you sitting in the theater? I had a great seat. I was really mad. Really? Yeah, I was very mad. I had a seat next to me empty I didn't I told them I didn't have a plus one, but apparently they count me a plus two
Starting point is 00:26:43 next to me empty. I don't know. I told them I didn't have a plus one, but apparently they count me a plus two. So yeah, it's a West flight. I'm so mad too. You have better seats than Tim Gage. I had better seats than Tim Gage. I was a little mad because two, two, two one-man shows in a row. The first one they sat me loud. He got me tickets last row. Second to last row, the guy behind me was a terrat's guy Little go to do in my wife's hair I'm like what it behind a camera. Okay, the last one they put me behind the camera next to a fat chick that wouldn't give up the Elbow room I really thought you were gonna have last row obstructed view. I don't love the row I really really did I called them today and I go if you have a funny bone in your body
Starting point is 00:27:25 You will give me a shit see You didn't give me great see Wow, that's really I really love boys fault then so I'm upstairs We're doing there and I know that he really looked out for me because as I came in there like Robert Kelly Oh, Mr. Kelly come on follow me. Hey, there's a robber. Hey, they wanted me to do the step-and-repeats So I go upstairs and it's Jim and Sam and Jim did it by himself and just left Sam so I went in I Went in to pretend that I was norton. I just hunched over And then Jim came back, but so they're waiting to go in I'm waiting Sam and Jim are waiting and I think Ryan is Ryan him was Jerry Seinfeld comes in
Starting point is 00:28:05 Wow to see you have a fucking energy around him. He came in and just walked hey to you know a couple people I mean got walked by me and then just went right in and the cameras. Oh My god, what a different sound I mean it was I was almost like you start blinking I mean, it was I was almost like you started blinking it's kids kids kids kids kids get Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry and he knows how to do that shit man God and he steps out and he actually walked up and he was like high. I was like how you doing Jerry? Like get nervous around him like my third step dad God and then and then I went up and it was like four cameras. You can't, you can't, you can't.
Starting point is 00:28:46 Someone's like, sorry, my camera's broken and keeps taking pictures. Yeah, it sounded like we were just on a vacation, in a Ruba, there was just one couple, you can't. It's great, thanks. Hey, look at the dolphin, you can't, you can't. Yeah, I yelled at a guy, go, come on, snap the photo, asshole.
Starting point is 00:29:03 He went, just one, put his camera in. We we got it. This other guy had the gun holsters. I'm like you bought the gun holster camera You know the leather custom leather hole for two cameras. I go you know, I mean nothing Now we got though. You ever hear the pop Jerry gets when like he goes on stage? Yes, it's like it's it's more it's like he's alleged a violent. Finally, yeah, he's a legend. He's a legend. There's no way around it. But he's a fucking legend in comedy.
Starting point is 00:29:34 That's it. He's one of the rush more. There you go. Are we going to see this again and heckle? No, no. No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not even going to quit. No, you're not going to quit. I'm on the verge of quitting and like canceling my gigs this weekend.
Starting point is 00:29:50 I wonder, I'm going to, this is the problem with Quinn. You go see his thing and then you go up and I'm like, eh. I can, I get three scoops, she gets two, I get one. I can't dare. Stop my, pack up. You know what's even worse? I can't watch other people's comedy now because the other half of this yeah that what you didn't see He'll just work on now and that's something else that's like almost there. Yeah, I'm done. It's painful. I know I am done
Starting point is 00:30:16 I'm done Do you want to manage your desire man? I mean yeah, can I manage Vegas? I'm gonna learn I'm gonna learn Do you want to manage it? Is there a manager? I mean, yeah, you can. Can I manage Vegas? You can manage Vegas. You can manage Vegas. I'm gonna learn, I'm gonna learn, slide ahead magic. And I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go be the housed in Vegas. I'm just gonna go up over the phone. The house empty.
Starting point is 00:30:36 I'm gonna be like, huh? Welcome to the comedy cell. We can get drums, you can play the drums. Oh, Jesus, yeah, I can, like jump, like jump, like jump, Piscopal, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, I can like jump like Joe Piscopal You guys ready Give it up
Starting point is 00:31:00 So I'm a little fucking bummed out, but whatever there you go But go see CQ red state blue state go see it minedaline theater. All right. I'm out. I love you Love you. Hi Bush is back in So there you go. I mean, I mean, I'm talking to you to you. I mean, I have never met two more confident comedians that think they're you know, fucking shit don't stink than you to Affinent comedians that think they're, you know, fucking shit don't stink than you to. You guys literally think you're fucking preaching.
Starting point is 00:31:28 So I mean, I'm just going on deaf ears right now just putting up with you. No, me, man. I'm not quitting. Dude, I'm here. Not right now, well, I'm the greatest. Yeah. Just hit me if I fall off, but not right this second.
Starting point is 00:31:41 I'm just hitting my stride. So. I'm just hitting my stride. So. I'm just hitting my stride. I'm just hitting my stride. I'm just hitting my stride. I'm just hitting my stride. I'm just hitting my stride. I'm just hitting my stride. I'm just hitting my stride.
Starting point is 00:31:52 Have you ever seen somebody's comedy? Have you ever seen somebody's comedy? We just like, I'm just no good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:00 Yeah. That's weird. I feel that way, but when I saw you, when I would feature for you a few times, too, just like, I remember seeing some of those rooms that we were in, too they were like tough, you know. Host has a tough time. I just like just get by and then you kind of come in there. Even the time at Gotham, when Seinfeld popped in, got that crazy standing ovation. And before you came out, I went downstairs
Starting point is 00:32:13 and was like, Seinfeld just came in and you're like, I don't care. I was like, you didn't even, you didn't even, you were not one second where you're like, oh, this might throw off the audience equilibrium. Oh, but Trees walked in and fucking shit my pants. Yeah, first because he my pants. Yeah. First because he's dead.
Starting point is 00:32:26 Yeah. Second because he judges. Yeah, he'll judge you. Well, no, because he's, he fucking brings him to a different place. There's certain comics that bring crowds to Rio. When you go up, what happens with him is he'll expose the tape in your boat.
Starting point is 00:32:46 You know what I mean? Everybody has these little patches of tape. The flex seal. Yeah, exactly. You gotta go on. And you kinda just scootin' along and people like, hey nice boat and you're like, thank you very much. I feel a lot of fuckin' flip as well.
Starting point is 00:33:00 But when you go up after Patrice, all of a sudden it's just that tape just rips off. And as you're saying it you like this is Foney I feel like he was the best I've seen I Think I think he was the best I saw live Patrice I was the most floored by because you could see what he was doing like a lot of times He would just he would start off by being like Mean and then he'd crawl out of the hole. I mean he'd like he'd really set the whole because he wanted people excuse me one second
Starting point is 00:33:29 I have to do this oh god almost died oh My god, why am I wearing belt buckles? The fuck am I doing nobody can see it? Some like somebody's going hey nice belt buckle You gotta get into jaggings. What's a jagging? They look like jeans, but they're like, they're pretty much sweatpants. I already have them.
Starting point is 00:33:51 You do? Dude, what do you think these are? You think I could fuck it? Bobby stopped with denim, ten years. They're basically maternity pants. What is doing, air squats, right? Are those jaggings? Yeah, because they're basically maternity pants pants aren't they? Yeah, I have,
Starting point is 00:34:06 Look, they like that, they're stretchy jeans. You need jaggies, yeah. I have those, I have to get them hemmed. Number one, number two. You're taking, take them in, let them in. These are Wranglers. Oh, these are Wranglers, not stretchy, they're like outdoor man's pants.
Starting point is 00:34:21 Yeah, I have them, I have those, I have the jean ones. I didn't know they made those for men. Oh, they do. They're a change of life. Oh, they have them. I have those. I have the gene ones. I didn't know they made those for men. Oh, they do. Yeah, they're gonna change their life. Oh, they'll change your life, alright? Fucking you'll be able to use both bathrooms. You look good in clothes, right? You don't like gene. You look good in clothes. Me? Yeah, like you know, you look good in clothes. Yeah, you just got a bot. I mean, I am fucking you, Sam. The fuck is this beard about? Like, you know, like, I understand why. You're like Kevin Meanie before he died.
Starting point is 00:34:49 I just couldn't close, not you little one. I don't care. I don't care. I'll suck you dick, I just don't care. I mean, like, I understand why they used tall skinny models now because like, the clothes look good on that person. Like, I have to wear certain clothes yeah because I got like thick legs and and they're short and stocky in a long torso so it's got to be the right sneakers
Starting point is 00:35:13 right pants everything's got to be right whereas he just puts it on and he's just like he looks like one of those lanky fucking rock and roll kids yeah you can't let the outfit wear you you know know what I mean? That's my kind of my advice to everybody. I hope you've fallen asleep in and chipped your teeth. I really do. I mean, we get stoppers, Tate. Yeah, you make that to disease now. I know, I got to cut the case of stuff. So sick of him keeping it as a fucking... It's a brand.
Starting point is 00:35:36 Yeah, it's a Sufi. He branded it. Fat fuck. Take some of your fucking Compton millions. Get your fat tooth fixed. With sick of you and your fucking come town millions. Get your fat toothpicks. With sicko and your fucking dumb hand. Fucking, it does. He looks like a honey baked ham.
Starting point is 00:35:51 Fucking toothpicks and I'm sick of it. I love them, but just get the toothpicks. Anyways, yeah. I think that your body, if I had your body, I would. I mean, you do have this David Bowie. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy.
Starting point is 00:36:10 I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy.
Starting point is 00:36:17 I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. I'd lick my own pussy. Yeah It sucks that we like we're getting beat out of the that that voice cuz it's so fucking fun. Yeah, I'm not fucking stop it
Starting point is 00:36:33 No, I'll do it for my fucking right to talk like that dude I'm gonna I want to lick your ball seam I want to make it like a pussy that never opens So I just keep trying to open it, but I don't know, I'm not done with it. Oh fuck yeah. No. I feel like people in LA kind of talk like that, right?
Starting point is 00:36:55 Like just that's kind of the LA accent, just like yeah. Slow and drag down. Yeah. It's called vocal fry. Fuck yeah. Yeah. It's like the, yeah, where everyone just sounds like Trisha Takanawa from family guy they're like coming here
Starting point is 00:37:07 Well, you can hear girls as you mostly girls in New York when you walk and you have yeah So anyway, I went to his house and it was a dog there I'm not sure yeah, I mean I just got new jacket now. It's gonna be all of them I mean have a limp brush for God's I Want a fucking I want to get a fucking ball ball peen hammer and whacker in the side of the temple. I hate it. It's an accent.
Starting point is 00:37:32 It's like, because they don't talk like that when they, in front of their boss, or they're getting a job, or I hate that, those accents that you put on when you're around, you have hands. And then when you get around somebody like the mayor, you're like, hi, Mr. Mayor, how are you? My name is Kathleen. Yeah. Fucking twats. It's kind of, I call it like a rich trail off.
Starting point is 00:37:52 It's like when you're born that rich, talking tires, yeah. So I just get tired, like, talk. And like the end of, you just trail off at the end of the sentence, you're like, I just can't. You just, I don't have enough of this. Yeah. You get it. Yeah, you get it.
Starting point is 00:38:07 You get it. You get it. You get it. You get it. You get it. You get it. You get it. You get it.
Starting point is 00:38:15 You get it. You get it. You get it. You get it. You get it. You get it. You get it. You get it.
Starting point is 00:38:23 You get it. You get it. You get it. You get it. You a check. Oh my god. I didn't take this to the ask for not to ask on call. Let's go see my love is new jacket. His jacket is nice. He's like super tan. Oh my god, he's scammed, but what is he got? If I damn a tan, that's not a little bridge in tunnel. I love that.
Starting point is 00:38:35 Just me and I, yeah, just me. You can wear black and white as a shirt, and it doesn't even like it. I was like a thing, something. You think it clenched. Yeah. Just meet me at anthropology. You guys wanna go get some check out?
Starting point is 00:38:50 Yeah. Just plain check out. Can I get a big ol' with tomato and onion? Please. I'm gonna get a bravado hot pot. I don't know where that big ol' with tomato and onion can be. I don't know where that's gonna be. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:39:03 I don't know. I just, I just, I wasn't thinking and it just came out So I don't know where that is my brother looker. Yeah, I cast special It looks like a pussy and I want to look at it's mine I fucked your son Fuck your son and it fuck me back How Prince just makes you fucking that's out that's not him No, but I was talking about like I just how Prince kind of just it just you can't like you can't fucking be tough around Prince You just have to be fucking you know
Starting point is 00:39:50 Prince was straight Prince you just have to be fucking you know, you got your own putt. It makes you want to make sure I'll be but prince was prince was street when you know if you interview the shit He was more street and tough and I because I may be tell that Michael Jackson story He was like I don't want to be the what he was banging Apollonia. I mean he was a genius dude. He was man if you princes first Video, Prints is listen to me. I would have fucked him. Yeah, this is where you go I think this is where you got Mauricio from by the way probably I think this way this came from but you got His first video video on YouTube. I'm gonna say it again slower Why cuz we'll get flagged. Well don't put song on. Just look at him. How's that?
Starting point is 00:40:25 If we keep it small. Yeah. Look, you got your lawyer here. Well, I know he has it. Bobby Kelly is. Because I'll yell at him. Tell me that. I did, but you fucking yell at me. There's no way for Mike.
Starting point is 00:40:34 I just see, I just a hot tea in his face every time. It's really been beaten down since the last time I've been on the show. Like, okay, no, no, no, no, you fuck just the confidence that he had to wear that you know what I mean? It was that's not it I just get it hit a button 50 this 50 of them. It always makes me laugh that's it right down there I mean he looks like a woman dude look at this fucker. That doesn't make you want to lick your own pussy Oh dude, I want to lick his pussy. Yeah I mean what if Prince okay, here's a deal keep it small you said right?
Starting point is 00:41:11 You say keep it small just Substantial that this is a full screen it what all this act doesn't full Exactly, but here's a deal Imagine print you hanging out with Prince one night, and he just you let's go back to my house man I'll be Prince you be you all right. Hey, don't ask man. You're fucking badass mother fuck. I send your shit Thanks, man, once you come back. Thanks, Prince. Let's go hang out. Let's go. Yeah, let's hang out cool Yeah, sure thanks man. Let's do it. Come on come with me. Yeah, now we're going let's go back Yeah, I'm going back to my place
Starting point is 00:41:43 This awesome and I'm such a big fan Like I've always been a big fan every time I heard your songs and makes me wish I had a pussy so I could lick it That makes me want to have a pussy to My new song Pussy to put that to Have my pussy to I have your dick in my pussy Yeah, what you come back to my Okay, yeah, I mean I'm too back. We'll go back if you want fuck me. That's cool, too
Starting point is 00:42:10 Whatever I'm game listen man. I'm gonna fuck you. I'm gonna. I'm gonna eat you asshole. Okay. I'll I'll lick my own pussy I'm gonna stick my guitar up your fucking ass. Whatever you want to do your prints. I want to take your Take care. You'll take those pants off sure Yeah, wait can I chop up a little bit cuz I'm a little weird ones. It's small I'm gonna see that little fucking mushroom. Okay, there it is. Let me find that mushroom in that big Greek bus you got It looks like chewing gum in a jukebox Big Greek bus you got I want a suck it. I'm prince Bush you got I won't suck it. I'm prince
Starting point is 00:42:51 Say this is before you are the artist formally known as prince. Yeah, yeah, well here's my dick prince Can you write a song about it? Yeah? Are you sucking my dick now? It's kind of weird Star I started getting weird. I was getting weird? Yeah, I got it. I was getting weird. I was getting weird. I started, I started body pager. I made Janice uncomfortable. You said, you got to sat back and just got it. Okay, Prince do whatever you want. I made a guy who plays a woman.
Starting point is 00:43:16 Yeah, I'm staying uncomfortable. I apologize. I just, when this got on my head, I became the character. You really? That was method acting right there. acting right that was scary for a second I thought you were friends. Yeah, you got the part. Yeah, I just lost half the list Yeah, Prince was hot as shit. It is funny though that anybody any guy who wears heels is it's just funny He had he wore heels for not not saying like he had trans women I
Starting point is 00:43:44 He had he wore heels brought not not saying like he had trans women I Support everybody. I mean like he was a guy who was short who wore heels because he was short and that's always funny to me But he wore heels when it was okay to wear wear heels He came up with Michael Jackson that era of Flaka Seagulls and dressing like a woman even the bands Molly crew dressed like women. They look like hot chicks, it was fine. I mean, David Bowie, if you're into rock, funny you though, like he's got heels on. Yeah, but he was four, one.
Starting point is 00:44:14 I know, that's funny. I mean, dude, if you didn't have heels, nobody would know he was there. Like he had to have heels. He was a funny part, is that he danced like a motherfucker in heels. Yeah, he did. He had to learn to dance like a motherfucker in heels. Yeah, he did. He had to learn to dance like a woman.
Starting point is 00:44:26 Yeah. Well, that's eventually what he took the panquilist for because dancing in heels through his hips. I bet on eBay, you could buy a pair of Princess Boots right now. I'm, let's buy him. I guarantee you can't. What if it my size?
Starting point is 00:44:39 I wear him on stage. They will explode immediately. As soon as you step in on they will just bunch. Hulk smash. You know when you see these people I did a David Bowie museum thing they had a big David Bowie thing I did the Elvis house you know and and it's funny to see the clothes live because the clothes and they're never like Clothes that you can wear those them 40 thousand dollars. All right. Well, let's not get those. Let's get just on eBay Yeah, those are purple. Let's get blue ones or some of the color and how do you verify that? How do you verify? Yeah, and you get a notebook Jim Morrison handwritten notebook. Yeah
Starting point is 00:45:23 We've only had a great hour of stand-up event. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me see. Nothing else.
Starting point is 00:45:31 Go to another one. Is there another one? Yeah. It's crazy. We found one. Yeah. No, his family is really trying to sell this stuff. Oh, this sell and everything, dude.
Starting point is 00:45:41 Look at that. You can buy that. That's a print. That's a 7000. Rare stage used concert tambourine. Wow. How do you verify that though? They have verification. Scroll down.
Starting point is 00:45:52 Keep scrolling. Wait a minute. Singers, singers, artists, print stage one bronze moon star. Shit. I wear that right in my ear all the time. I look like Dante's little brother. I go scroll down. Scroll down. See if
Starting point is 00:46:05 this is something we can afford. $19. What are those? Cleoprints. No, the way Chloe's. All right, go down. Who are those? Those are his bugs when he gardened. Keep keep keep scroll. Keep scrolling down. Do you get detach on prints from the Detroit pistons? I can buy that way. I'm going to scroll back down. I can buy I can buy that kids boys Roman Turboking Is that his towel how much 250 wait a minute click on that Streamly rare and personal click on that It's a little cheap. Why do you have to take it too far mine? He was going. We took a swing. All right Let me see the other let me see the other photo Michael a little cheap. Mod you have to take it too far, Mike. He was going. We took a swing.
Starting point is 00:46:45 Let me see the other photo, Mike, a little bit. Yeah, click on the other one there. Let's see what that, right there. You got it. What is that, that's his, how, how do we know it's his towel? You don't. That's what I said. 21, what does that mean?
Starting point is 00:46:57 What? What does that mean? This unique and extremely rare personal item which we got at the radio and Vegas No shit. Oh when he did his show Wow, can you can you imagine being so famous that whatever room you go into whatever you touch people just keep Yeah, yeah, yeah Well, good wild to think about that. I know her dad did exactly
Starting point is 00:47:21 Fucking wild to think about that. I know, her dad did exactly. Hello, dear. Isn't it crazy? Is it crazy? Is it crazy? Is it crazy? Yes, it is. Crazy if your dad was here.
Starting point is 00:47:30 I sniff his seat after he left. Oh, just no ramen shit. Yeah. Your dad's in fucking bar, Jovey. Holy shit. Every time Yana's comes in, so let's talk about the fact. You know, big bonychovies?
Starting point is 00:47:48 Yeah, yeah. I've heard of them. It's not like saying, it's not like having a dad who's an everclear or, you know, it's like, I mean, I'm honest, a dad and everclear. I'd be like, that's pretty great. Any band that you say, we'd be like, there's not bad. What band are you going to say that we're not going to
Starting point is 00:48:04 flick a flick, I'm flinch. But what a trophy dude. It's crazy. A arena band. A arena band. Well, they're not even a arena. They just did eight, was it 100,000 people in Japan? I mean, could you imagine being in front of 100,000 people?
Starting point is 00:48:17 Well, right now, me, I'm at the top of my game. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Every day I'm just planning for you. I'm talking to my team and telling my team make it happen You know, I know my shit is going big in Japan right now, so you know, you know, I'm just out there killing it You know, I'm like a killing it making jackets. Whatever you could buy Yannis pop is dot you know, whatever You want and you'll find that your dad's got great hair, yeah, it's lush great hair. It smells good too, right? Just fucking it's just fishing for
Starting point is 00:48:49 It's like every day smells like Cancer like kind of sweaty, but also good or yeah rich people like that. They always smell good like a smell of accomplishment They never have fumes Yeah, it's almost weird because even when he's dressing like he gave me the shed show I was like I can't wait to see what this is gonna wear like a flant with is he gonna look different and he showed up And he just it's like somebody dressed you like you Yeah, this like your mom says where this puts I mean he looked like he could go on stage right there Yeah, I mean he look great
Starting point is 00:49:21 That's a weird thing though because do you think Prince would have been able to wear that if he was a comedian? Like, I feel like if Prince showed up wearing those heels walked into the cellar, they would want to look at the table and people would just be like, yeah, cat Williams, I guess. But he also, Eddie Murphy wore a purple hazy leather suit
Starting point is 00:49:41 with driving gloves with rings on. There they are, right there. Did it out, listen, listen to me. Haysley leather suit with driving gloves with rings on it. There they are. Did it out? Listen to me, did an hour special and nobody made fun of him. Do you know how funny you have to be? If I walked out in a purple shirt, people would fucking call me Barney.
Starting point is 00:49:59 Black kids can get away with it a little bit more. Black kids are just cooler. It's a little bit more like they just get away with it better. Yeah, well, I mean, look, I mean, that's pretty badass that outfit, dude. I'm wondering where that is. I'm you know what's that be Where you know what's that be worth to wear his paisley leather fucking jumps. No, it's a jacket. Is it jumpsuit or is it jacket? I think it's a two piece is it a two piece. It's got to be a two piece. How did it not come up? I get aware about my shirt just coming up when I do this. Never mind his fucking God. Damn it. What kind of I do feel like shirt shirts are being made very short now. I feel like the same anytime I lift my shirt, it goes way up. I lift my arm. I mean, look at that.
Starting point is 00:50:37 Any Murphy raw. Well, that's creepy. I love how this podcast has just become a scrolling on the internet. You're out there, right? Let's start recording. Let's go to Poshmark next. See if I can pick up some Jack's Page Shirts. Go to Wayfair. Well, you know, it was funny. I was listening. I'm trying to not turn into a...
Starting point is 00:51:04 I really don't want to become a fucking old Cunt Grumpy Well, you know, you know who just a while around the subject of her dad Do you know who else is a fucking, I found out it can sing? Oh, we gotta hear it. Buddy. And here's the dish.
Starting point is 00:51:31 You don't want me to play it, I won't play it. But she can fucking listen. I wanna hear it. It's pissing Mike off, cause Mike can't match, you can sing too. I'll go pee. I thought you were just like fucking, of course you can sing.
Starting point is 00:51:44 Please go pee so it doesn't burn or hang. In front of you, he's in there just fucking stabbing a doll. Just ripping a straight gear out that looks like Gabby. I want to hear it. I have nothing. No, no, no, no. I look like a bullfrog. What is he?
Starting point is 00:51:59 He does look like a bullfrog. He does look like he was sitting on a chair. He's like a bullfrog? He does look like if he's sitting on a chair. She hates Bobbi, I love Bobbi. Any cherry sitting on does kind of look like a lily pad, you know? Yeah, is that Gabby, right there? No, is that Gabby? What are we fucking doing? That's your film reel, play that.
Starting point is 00:52:17 No, no, no, don't. Look at that. Michael, look at that. You're not fucking. Michael, why would I call that? Don't do that. Yes, don't do that. Yes, Michael Michael play it
Starting point is 00:52:27 Come on look at you look great. I just want to turn it up turn it up. Please stop. Please stop You look like 30 three of that turn it up. No, that's a bad clip turn it up. You look like your name Svetlana Yeah, you're like a hot mom. I know, but I know you're like 17, aren't you? What why can't we hear the first short film I ever did? Please for the line. Why are we not here? It first short film I ever did please for the last time. Why are we not hearing? Looks great. I'm out of it for you.
Starting point is 00:52:48 Stop doing this. Stop doing this to me. Daniel you're fucking dick. I want it back. Stop babe. Fuck yeah. Oh my god look at me now. That's embarrassing.
Starting point is 00:52:58 You do a Brooklyn action in that one? A barren woman. You're being a woman. You and Mauricio should go on tour. That's bad! Stop fucking turn it off! I hate this. That's a straight kid now, right?
Starting point is 00:53:16 Yeah. Even the pigeons are going like, ugh! The pigeons are going to be my favorite movie, I post. I really like to place a Yeah. The pitch is down there. This is my favorite movie, of course. I really like to place a delivery order to 239 Garfield place in eighth Avenue. And can you make sure that the glowing is not so real, that's a real address.
Starting point is 00:53:34 That was my address. That's stop, stop, stop. Now you just, like, now somebody's gonna be attacked. Yeah. Wait, she's done a lot of college films. You don't live there anymore. No, no. But I did for a while. That's Dan S lot of college films. You don't live there anymore. No, no, but I did for a while.
Starting point is 00:53:45 That's Dan Soto's first role. Yeah. What? But, I listen, yeah, this is terrible. I don't want it. You want me to stop? Yeah. I mean, it's not that bad.
Starting point is 00:53:55 I mean, what I'm saying is, this terrible is not that bad, which bugs me. It was terrible. We could watch it. But listen, I've never been on this podcast without having my feelings hurt. So, I don't feel bad for you. She sings great laughable.com.
Starting point is 00:54:07 Make sure you go to laughable. The only app if you love podcasting to go to laughable.com is the only way to pod. That's good. Is it? Okay, great. Yeah. You sing great. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:54:20 She sent me. I saw a little piece. Now you put it out there already. So fuck you. Yeah. So don't act like I'm exposing you, you exposed yourself. Okay. Just like you dad, just like you dad,
Starting point is 00:54:30 I never said nothing about you dad, right? And you exposed it. No, Lewis exposed it. Well, you exposed a little of it and then he found out. But I never said shit. No, he found it on Reddit. Right, but I never found out. I never exposed, I never exposed it.
Starting point is 00:54:42 You know I'm loyal, right? Mike, you know I'm loyal right yeah Mike you know I'm loyal ribbit You a gay guy in the 70s MCA Yeah, I'm C.A. It really does look like he was opposite Pacino and Cruze. Did you blow Pacino under a bridge and got a part? Dog day after now. You look like a bartender at Gay Bar. What?
Starting point is 00:55:15 Give me the band down. That's basically just me asking for it. That was the easiest to all of it. You look like a gay guy and a gay bar. You look like a gay guy who has a job at a gay spot. You're just gay looking faces. Hey, so but she sings great. We heard you the first time.
Starting point is 00:55:42 I couldn't find you. None of us didn't believe it. Can I play a little bit of it? Yes, please please Gabby please your dad's a bunch of Let me just play a little no If you do this here you can do is you can do that you can do this the easy way or you can do this the hard way Hardway is that Capella and they're this the easy way or you can do this the hard way. Hard ways at Capella and then both the same way. Do you want one of us to sing first so we don't feel bad? I got to go ahead, Fini.
Starting point is 00:56:12 Me? You don't want to claim to have the great angelic voice. No, no, you're the only unit here. You're a unit. Did you see by his face? He's been... I bet he has Barbie doll cock. He's got flat tussiness.
Starting point is 00:56:29 I'm gonna have the bandana backflick. Yeah. Yes. Barbie doll cock is Bob language for. Give me the bandana. What are you gonna do? I'm back. I didn't stab myself for lax.
Starting point is 00:56:38 I have a little boogie. I can do it. I can do it. Kodapen and cock suck. I like you. Back off. This has been the most off the rails. Yeah I've ever been on Sorry for blowing my nose. Oh, you're a picture. Sorry. Probably a picture
Starting point is 00:56:53 All the rest of you go fuck yourself Anywho come on sing something. Yeah, go Unic Just sing to go Unic. Just sing. Call him a Unic. I love that that chin hair and that mustache comes off. I'm going to. I'm trying to purposely grow out a stone called Steve Austin. You borrowed that from Sagalos pubes. No one's gonna get that reference.
Starting point is 00:57:19 It's 20p start singing more. All right, let me see what I can think. Here we go. I just want to tell you how I'm feeling I'm gonna make you understand I'm gonna give you up I'm gonna let you down I'm never gonna run around I'm gonna hurt you I'm never gonna make you cry
Starting point is 00:57:57 I'm never gonna say goodbye I'm never gonna tell you lie I'm gonna hurt you You just been Rick Roll Yeah I was like... You said that lie harmony That was good You just been Rick Roll How white was that he looks just like him. I know I think it came with my face It looks just like him if he was a girl. Yeah, it is now your turn Bobby. I got this You're telling the same you the one who claims to be such a great singer
Starting point is 00:58:30 All right, I need to say that type by Brado. What song am I gonna say? All right Shit, I don't I don't have a good memory of words Like spring steam you like I'll do karaoke and oh you do the karaoke What do you want to sing? Journey okay, so I'm journey. I'll do karaoke and oh you do the karaoke. Uh, what do you want to say? I'm your fit. I know journey. Okay. You some journey. I'll do some journey. I'll do journey. Give me a journey So always don't stop believing is a good one. Don't see how that was ready. Hey, give me that one karaoke words. Here we go. Ready And then this now let me just see if I can do this ready But you gotta bring me in This is gonna be bad.
Starting point is 00:59:08 Oh, that's not it. It's a smart reading. That made me go. You just started reading, like, she's career-y. Here we go. Here we go. You can't play it, though, right? We can't play it.
Starting point is 00:59:18 Oh, it's karaoke version, here we go. Here we go, you can play it, yeah. Here we go, turn it up a little bit. You can play it, you show we can play yeah I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn And go in any way Sing a big boy Just to see that boy Bonerays and South Detroit He took the midnight train go in any way Yeah, wait, I'm not tell us get to the fucking course. There's a 30 second good car so Everybody just feel the music for a minute. Just remember cuz our so long
Starting point is 01:00:19 In the smoke smoke at room. The smell of wine and jeep of you. For a smile we can in the night Bound, bound, bound, bound Peas, eyes, peep, peep Bound, bound We live in just a fanned emotion Hardin, somewhere in the night No! I want to put a bubbleing anything to roll the dice
Starting point is 01:01:25 It just won the roll! Yeah! You're free! You can hear it! Some will win, some will lose Some will lose, some will lose On the moving natural round It goes on and on and on and on and on like strangers I'm the way there
Starting point is 01:01:49 you up and down the bottom of all the shadows searching the night Oh Three lines and people Some Son and some Fuck yeah, you just found your career when you quit comedy Fucking Japanese karaoke baby. You fuckin' owned that shit, big boy. Yoss queer. Yoss, we can just get you in a business suit. Like a little Asian man.
Starting point is 01:02:35 Yeah, suit. We're gonna check this out. All I have to say is you really came out of your shell for that. Yeah, you really exploded. Yeah. I think it's Gabby's term, no? I believe in pushing the book here, man. You can do the video.
Starting point is 01:02:52 Are you sure? I just sang a whole piece of it. Wait, Yannis has in song. Because if she's a good singer, she should be left. Yannis sing, will you sing? No, I think you're showing the video. I thought that's the thing. Yannis sings, will you sing for us? Just a little something. Oh, fuck. Come on, we all just sang. Come on, here, you're showing the video. I thought if you have a sings will you sing for us just a little something?
Starting point is 01:03:06 Come on, we all just say come on here. Go youngness. What do you got? Can I get Tony Braxton, please Unbreak my heart please wait a minute I mean I mean you just said I'm up to bat. So let's go. Let's fucking go I mean if we're gonna do this let's do it. I'm not here to play games. All right, here we go Turn it up. Can we play this one? Here you help me company that will charge us
Starting point is 01:03:43 Right company that will charge us. The Zera fun they're the ones who will flag us. Stop stop stop stop stop stop stop. It's too late to get it. Just stop flag this video long ago. I did flag it. I turned it up. Turn it up.
Starting point is 01:03:56 Don't leave me under this pain. Okay. Don't leave me out in the rain. Come back and bring back my smile come and take the tears away Should have started with you Night so so when he's doing all every verse we're doing every verse of this When I told you beside me We're doing every verse of this I'm a good with stop. Yeah, I'm just I was just I don't know if I don't know if I think you went I think you you know you grab for you went for a lot
Starting point is 01:05:12 I think I think it is easy so yeah, maybe some yeah, maybe some Frank Sinatra You really went for the gusto and I give you credit for that you got to take big swing you took a swing it is breezy in here You got to take big swing you took us swing it is breezy in here All right, I who's up next Gabby Gabby and she's watching you I was in what if Mike went and then you We want to go before Mike or after Mike. Oh my god. I just sang Tony Braxton and break my heart. You didn't really sing it. You didn't really sing it. I pushed it out of my face. I just pushed that song out of my face.
Starting point is 01:05:52 I have zero talent for singing. I don't know how to do it. I'm basically Frank's and beans for it. So it's your turn. Lot of dead air. Like, I think you should say yeah, I think Gabby take us home. She's good. I mean, yeah, let's hear you No, the question is why you don't want to I think you're really good. Yeah, you should do it
Starting point is 01:06:18 Fuck it take a lemon there is a real brother sister kind of vibe There's a real brother sister kind of vibe. You take all the munderers. Is it okay? Do I have permission? Oh, what if you sing? Do I have permission? I was like, how's that? Why would he not like that?
Starting point is 01:06:30 Is it moist? I pictured being moist under there. Is it like a mushroom? I'm not actually an amphibian. I'm a person. Prove it. Do you play the video? How about that?
Starting point is 01:06:41 How about you sing a bondjoby song? No, I'd rather down. Okay, how about what you like? What's the song that you sing in the video? What's your song? We can bring it up and you sing this to the teriyoki like the rest of us. That'll be easy. You want to be a karaoke song? I'm thinking. Oomba by Hanson? I wish I sang that one.
Starting point is 01:07:00 Callie Ray Jensen. What's that song? Callie Ray Jensen. What's that girl's early ray gents? Call me maybe call me maybe I just I just met you This is crazy Listen, we are the most unalpha males I've ever known I don't want to hear shit from any woman
Starting point is 01:07:18 You guys know we are the gayest people I know we are How do we not like gay people we are? Well, three of us combined or somehow more gay than Mike's mustache, isn't that crazy? That made it close. That's fucking close. I would love to see you grow a mustache. I'm trying.
Starting point is 01:07:34 You can see it. It's not going well. I'm very convinced. If you give your eyebrows to him and you can take his mustache, yeah, it would be a good looking son of a bitch You really fucking serial killer eyebrows. All right, good What's on I don't know what song just pick a song you know what you can sing? What your karaoke
Starting point is 01:07:57 What was the song I said you oh Kiss from a road What's up? What's what's what's the one's up? I think I lean Dion my heart will go on Elvis. Yeah, Elvis. Yeah, I like your nervous Yeah, what song was it? Just say it I got a Frank Sinatra. I did it my way. No She said I hate that you're raking me do this. Come on. It's gonna be fun. We all sang three of us sang Yeah, two of us sang and How about me honest talk?
Starting point is 01:08:30 I My face might seem to sing moon river Rainbow connection would have been a better joke. How about Laura Brannick and Gloria? Colleague Gloria Attention on this mic Mike is a secret Secret I what is it loveable loveable. Well, what is it? What is it? Come on? Stop fucking around. I mean come on
Starting point is 01:09:00 We fire you but your dad's in Bon Jovi So we can't. Yeah. Um, do can't help falling in love. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I do. Do you want us to look this way? Well, look this way.
Starting point is 01:09:13 I want you to get up. I'm staring at you in the eyes while you sing. Let's go. Come on. Here we go. This is going to be great. I'm telling you, fucking no joke. Don't hype it.
Starting point is 01:09:22 I thought she was. I'm telling you, I thought you was. I thought you were I thought you standings Do the national anthem take the mic out of the thing here we go Ladies and gentlemen. Oh shit sing the whole song. I love It's already better than us. Yeah, I know I got loose I Man she did the trembling voice
Starting point is 01:10:12 That was a fucking singer thing Like stop and just caught up sexy Sexy. Yeah. What can't you help? -♪ Falling in love, oh, yeah. Oh, she went, oh, I'm kidding you. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Cranibloy, Bernice. -♪ River flow, flow, surely to the sea. Diling so it goes
Starting point is 01:10:46 Something I'm meant to be Whoa all right Now she won't shut the fuck up She just stands on the table She just stands on the table. Yeah, that have personality. You know what personality too. You should do the Marilyn Monroe happy birthday Mr. President.
Starting point is 01:11:16 That was a very seductive way to do this. That's kind of pulling. That was good. Here's the deal. The deal she set me, he was on her Instagram. She's on the piano playing a song and I thought it was fake. She didn't show her face because she's humble and I always wanted to say it. Well you did.
Starting point is 01:11:35 Hopefully it was worth it. I know this. Are you getting this? Are you sure? Are there people in the room? Okay, people in the room, you can donate 30 dollars right now just by hitting super chat. No, oh, you can't do that.
Starting point is 01:11:53 Why would we have that option? Super chat. Type in super chat if you wanna donate 30,000 dollars. 30,000. If you have a new fiddling puppy, please send them to me. Anywho, here we go. I was going to bring up something. I wanted to bring up this.
Starting point is 01:12:14 And this is a little what? Come on, that was fun. You know you love, you know you liked it. If I had the ability to fun, I would fuck it. She did some singer shit. And it was fun. It was fun. It was fun. It was fun. I was like, I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot.
Starting point is 01:12:28 I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot.
Starting point is 01:12:36 I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot.
Starting point is 01:12:44 I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. I'm gonna get a shot. Cabbage, you have ramen for lunch? Why are you swollen? Why are you swollen? My opinion of all of you has changed dramatically after ever seeing everybody sing. I made just go quick how many of you being a Rick Astley impersonator in Vegas. You should. Very good. You can do the magic and then I'll do it. How do the magic you do Rick?
Starting point is 01:12:56 And you could also play Ellen. You could post a shot. Or take a candy lang. I don't wanna keep dancing. Take a candy lang. Take a candy lang. If I was to rank it, I would have went 1, 2, 3, 4. I'm three. I would have put you three. Wow. His was good.
Starting point is 01:13:12 Buddy, listen to me. Yeah. Are you? Wow, you look like Tim. Don't look like Tim. Buddy, last one over to the right. Tim. Oh, no, sorry.
Starting point is 01:13:21 Very fucking looking. That's the left you fucking cuss. You look like a young Tick-N-Tur. Look on that. looking, you know, that's the left you fucking cut you look like a young Tick-tick guitar look on that I want you to compare that to his headshot, you know who I get that up Listen, I want that next to fucking fini's head listen go back Bing make that better just Teeth make a big similar teeth and hair and outfits now now my hair is way better come on Let's not that head shot looks like it's an advertisement for the
Starting point is 01:13:48 That's that is you You are fucking take You're take you were take once to be Tigs gonna be in Uncle Vinnie's Man, that's the spoilerly. Spoiler alert, she will not sell out. That's a good one. That photo of you looks like it's a Hanna Gatsby comedy festival flyer.
Starting point is 01:14:14 All right. Thank you. I think I'll have to win this up. Wow. I really thought that was gonna land too. Oh, yeah. It landed right on your face. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:27 Maybe it was the timing. Oh, that's what I thought. So I did Chicago this weekend, which I want to thank the Chicago fans, Lafactory. And again, snow, fucking storm, packed the house, two years in a row, fucking great. I love it. Thank the Lafactory, all the staff, and all you Chicago mother fuckers for coming out I love it one day in out one show great night Lansing I played the
Starting point is 01:14:55 Robin theater Robin theater beautiful this guy in his wife bought a building in downtown Lansing made it into a theater they live upstairs and They're trying to put on they just want to be creative they live upstairs They put on the comedy show. We did two shows packed house both shows me and Aaron put them and We it was fucking great great weekend great great great great crowds. Thanks for coming out all you guys That was the drive from Chicago to Lansing. It's nothing. It was terrible in the snow, but he drives 40 anyways. That's right. So it was just, you know, so funny.
Starting point is 01:15:30 He's telling me he's not a shit driver, as we're driving down the wrong way on a street. Yeah. Really on the wrong side of the road. I'm like, buddy, do you know what a double yellow line is? And fucking a car's headlight coming at us. He's like, oh shit, sorry. I fucked him.
Starting point is 01:15:43 You made me, then he blamed me. Oh, it's me. okay, nice time to go. I scared you into fucking killing us. So thank you for that, and then this fucking weekend, man, I'm reading about these kids, this Kentucky fucking magna hat things. Oh yeah, the Native American thing. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:02 It's, Janus has got some thoughts about that. Do you know who, it wound to be right who were exposed that but faith no uh... temple the journalist who actually tweeted it first oh some uh... brazilian blogger but it was supposed to be it was a it was a fake account yet
Starting point is 01:16:20 fake account it was uh... and they only suspended it too, which I find fucking disturbing. Oh, they suspended it indefinitely like to investigate what's happening. How about you fucking delete it? Yeah, look, I had my initial reaction when I saw the video was the same as everyone else's. I think this white power. He spoke out. I was, I thought the kid was in the wrong when I first saw that was Larry Pooch. This guy, Larry Pooch, when I first saw that was Larry pushes this guy Larry put you from Boston It was as fucking hilarious guy just drunk chubby dude would go on stage
Starting point is 01:16:50 He goes some some a lot of people say that I'm a little too racist in my comedy And I have one thing to say about that white power. That was his first joke Murdered in Boston. Hey, well, no, sometimes he murdered That's a hit or miss joke. Yeah, go ahead up top two. No, I think I you know I had that initial reaction that I was like oh these kids being disrespectful this this story should really be the story that kind of illuminates how media and the digital age needs to needs to be kind of regulated.
Starting point is 01:17:26 There needs to be a standard that set. I know it, because what's happening is everyone's rushing to be the first out with the story and because everyone's competing so furiously for eyeballs. Keep that right there, go back. I want that photo, go back to what that was, right there. That's all I want, pause that, right there go back that they just photo go back to what that was right there That's all I want pause that right there. Good. Sorry. Yeah, so
Starting point is 01:17:50 This is the story that really should bring to light for everybody that like wow our Reality is kind of shaped by whatever information is Is Released and how it's released. In other words, this really exposes how much news has become narrative news, how editorialized it's become. And we gotta get back to kinda like data-driven news.
Starting point is 01:18:15 Just like, here's the news, here's the facts. Yeah, because the standard for journalism since the internet started, it's been a problem since the beginning, because the journalism industry just did not adapt to the internet. You know, at the beginning, they were still charging you for the paper and then they were giving the news away for free online.
Starting point is 01:18:34 So like, of course, nobody's gonna be buying the paper. So they conditioned everyone to have free articles and what that did was they needed to make money by getting clicks from advertisers. So it became theater, it became sensationalized headlines to get you to click on the headline. And that was sort of the root of the problem. What they should have done at the beginning was you had to pay a subscription fee just
Starting point is 01:19:01 like when you bought the New York Times before. It should have been that way online. They should have never given away real news from reputable gazettes for free. And that's once that started and people got conditioned to get news for free, they were fucked. And that's what it is. And so you're not really getting news. You're getting like car crashes. It's like rubber, we're all rubber necklace and news is car crashes.
Starting point is 01:19:22 And we're all pulling over the headlines. Yeah, we are just headlines. That's what it is. It's like this kid distressed by, so it's like everything is heightened. And then you actually see the whole video and you're like, this wouldn't have even been a new story 10 years ago.
Starting point is 01:19:34 But if that's how you- Nothing really happened. That's how you really are able to- Can I say something though? Here's the thing. I understand what you're saying. But I really think that we're being fucking, we're being used, we're being doped, we're being fucked with and they're to feel something other than our lives.
Starting point is 01:20:07 We can't go through the day without feeling a jolt of, what's that? Oh, they liked my tweet. I got five people that commented, everybody gets that feeling now whenever they want it. And we're being dooped. If you look at this photo, I mean, Jesus Christ, man, just show me this photo and tell me these guys are racist and I'm in. I'm fucking in.
Starting point is 01:20:31 If you look at that kid in the background, he's literally yelling the N word. He's, yeah, he just said the N word. The other fat little kid with the phone, the chubby ass on the back. Look at that smirk. Everybody's talking about his smirk. Everybody's talking about his smirk. Everybody's talking about this.
Starting point is 01:20:46 He has a face I'd like to punch. That's what adults, adults, millionaire entertainers. Yeah. Okay, people in politics, who are adults, supposedly have values. They're the ones that believe the right way. They're the ones that we're supposed to look to for decision making.
Starting point is 01:21:07 We're like, he has a face I'd like to punch. Okay, that's a kid. And if you look at that, I get it. I get it. That kid is the every fucking douchebag and a bully. That's the kids that's always picking on the other kids in the movies. If you're casting bully racist ass, I'd cast those three smarmy cocksuckers. If I was doing school ties to
Starting point is 01:21:37 That would be the cast, but Connecticut boat rape or something like that. I mean too far But yeah, I mean just started trying to get comedy back on but then Let's give it serious. It's good. I thought the school ties thing is all right, but not even especially we're at the peak of our game right now. You got to get as much comedy out as you can when you're at the top of the mountain. Use the oranges for the juice that we provide. I just feel a lot of pulping that juice. What will happen between you two?
Starting point is 01:22:03 What happened? He's bomb but no one noticed that. Oh, what was it? No. I couldn't even tell that was a I was what will happen between you two. Something happened. He's bomb but no one noticed that. Oh, what was it? Nah. I couldn't even tell that was a joke. I thought you were just saying that. But if you look at that I get it. And you look at this Indian dude and his fucking huge air lobes.
Starting point is 01:22:16 And I mean, those are bigger lobes. Wow, I didn't even notice that. Oh my God. But anyways, you look at this awkward kid. Well, here's the real story. If we just took a fucking beat. Where Fed, the person that gave us this, is supposedly a teacher, right? A teacher, middle-aged, who tweets 150 times a day about shit like this,
Starting point is 01:22:37 sending it out into the world. She has 40,000 followers, okay? Because she's been tweeting 150 times a day, stuff like this. And we're just looking to find our group to, yeah, fuck them and fuck them. And then and she put this out. And it's not even a real person. So all those people following her, tweeting back at her, telling her how, how and retweeting her shit, you should be ashamed of yourself. You should feel bad. You should feel like you were duped. Because it wasn't even real.
Starting point is 01:23:09 It was somebody in Brazil, we don't know who the fuck it was, was doing this to cause people to hate other people. It's just trolling. I heard. It's worse than trolling, dude. Trolling is your fat, Bobby. You're never gonna go anywhere, Bobby. You gotta get your fucking bald fat you look like the game of thrones
Starting point is 01:23:30 Bobby you fucking cock suck a fat mother fucking Listen But didn't it I don't like isn't the full story that they were the Native American guy was like pro It was like in it. Here's a story. It's how you abortion protest or something. Yeah, here's the full story. The kids were sitting there on a field trip. They're waiting patiently just quietly The Israelites who are the guys down the time square like read white people of the devil read You know, we're the real you know Israelites. We're the real chosen people. Read the Jews of the devil read No, those guys
Starting point is 01:24:07 It came up and started attacking them if you watch the video the column crackers bunch of pedophiles a bunch of half breeds Little these are children and these grown men dress like they're fucking Conan the barbarian Attacking these kids who sat there and just took it didn't say anything back. Well, they did say a few things back. No, they didn't. Yeah, they did. What did they say? There's a few videos of them saying some things back.
Starting point is 01:24:31 But okay, say it. I think one kid said it's not rape if you like it back to them. What? And that caused some controversy, yeah, because they said that. He was saying it to girls, but he wasn't. He was saying it back to the Israelites. One of these kids. What were they saying rape? It was in a calm. It was in a calm, a rape. Yeah, something. And he he was saying it to girls, but he wasn't he was saying it back to the Israelites one of these what were they saying rape?
Starting point is 01:24:45 He was calling them a rapist something and he says not rape if you like all right, so he was trying to 14 year old kid finally, but but he's trying to make His friends. It's all he walked up to somebody that said down rape if you like it Right and then pinch the girl the asshole Right, you know what I mean? The kids were I think this story wouldn't have been a story if these kids didn't have make America great again hats on yeah But that's a problem. That is a big problem. Yeah, you should be able to fucking wear a dumb hat. Yeah, it's a problem Especially if it's the president of the fucking United States It doesn't make your race is if you like somebody it makes you different and it's you can't sit there these fucking kids But now this is what all these
Starting point is 01:25:22 Let me just finish this Indian These guys were yelling at him. This Indian guy came up. First of all, didn't the Indian guy lie and said they said, go back to America? Yeah, so the full story is the kids were there for a pro-life rally. I really suck at summing things up, so help me out. Yeah, the kids were there for a pro-life rally.
Starting point is 01:25:40 Yes, that had finished then they were meeting there. They were meeting at that place to all meet up and get back on the buses, whatever. There was a Native American rally going on there, a smaller one, and there was the Israelites were there. The Israelites started hurling insults at the natives and the white kids. They were just saying crazy shit.
Starting point is 01:26:03 The white kids, and some of these kids were not white so these students such as come to the view that were in there of course they take these photos and it's just white kids with fucking magnets on it so they started chanting back their school chance to drown out the heckles from the Israelites while they're chanting and dancing and stuff like that the Native American guys march into them Just march right into them and start banging drums and chanting in their face. And if you watch a video, you can interpret it a few ways.
Starting point is 01:26:31 One kid maybe does a Tomahawk, but you know, they do that at Florida State Games. They do it at Braves. Yeah, and it almost looks like, you can almost see like they're into it. They're into it. A lot of kids just look like they're chanting. And we'll live.
Starting point is 01:26:43 They were trying to drown out the stuff you talk to the kids. They were trying to drown They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it. They're into it Doing that and the kids were in this kid right here with the smirk that everybody wants to punch He was nervous. He just didn't want to say anything back. He didn't want to fucking do anything back No, he was being filmed. He just was like sitting there and he didn't say a word and you can hear in the video other kids saying if you watch the other Video the full video you can hear the kids going I'm so confused right now What's going on you hear like yep, and like don't touch him or whatever and then you hear the kids going i'm so confused right now what's going on you here like and like don't touch them whatever and then you hear the native another native american protestors saying to them uh... you stole this land go back to europe saying this to kids so he's saying it's a he's kind of antagonizing the kids go saying that stuff and then at that point the kids just disperse and move away
Starting point is 01:27:42 so no violence no threats from the here. So no violence, no threats from the kids. Here's, there's no threats from the kids. They never chanted build a wall. That didn't happen. In lie, lie. That was a lie. And then the elder lied about what happened. Elder said he marching to them to calm them down
Starting point is 01:27:56 because he felt like they were going to attack the Israelites. Wasn't gonna happen. Which it wasn't gonna happen, children? And also he's not a Vietnam vet. He was in the service, but he's not a Vietnam vet. So that, the Washington Post retracted that but yeah his narrative was the damage is done and that kid had to sit down with who to sit down with like Barbara Walters or something
Starting point is 01:28:14 and I do like a full like here is what you say whatever and then you got these people who I didn't say anything I think you said whatever I think yeah I'm not I didn't say I was looking at his somebody 100% said whatever. It wasn't me though. Who was it? It was you. It was you, Bobby. I didn't say it.
Starting point is 01:28:32 I said Barbara Walters or whatever. He said, oh, you. I don't think I did. Yeah, Bobby. And he said, listen, you didn't get it. You didn't get it. You were saying Barbara Walters, whatever.
Starting point is 01:28:40 Mike, freeze. Freeze. Everybody who's listening to this podcast and watching it, go back. Right now, I want you to find who. I want you to see a side-min. I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it.
Starting point is 01:28:51 I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it.
Starting point is 01:28:59 I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. I'm an adamant, I didn't say it. You find who and whoever fucking said it you rack them out Because I said it was like Barbara Walters and then you went whatever I think it was my side-brows When he when you whoever said whatever he went like this It was not me the kid does look like a young Fanny though
Starting point is 01:29:18 All right, listen, but the fact is that this kid was harassed. There was a kid not only was he harassed his family harassed like this is that this kid was harassed there was a kid not only was he harassed his family harassed because he had Kathy Griffin telling people doxam doxam fuck him he's a kid two journalists have been fired because they tweeted like killed the kids I would put him in a wood yeah two journalists got can't get fired one one's from Vulture, and the other one, I don't know. Good. But that's what I'm saying. You have all these celebrities now making these,
Starting point is 01:29:50 like everybody, every celebrity feels like they need to speak out about whatever, you know, side of the political aisle they're on. Like the fact that like Cardi B is now being like, so like fuck Trump and shit, like it should, it's like, she even starts to be, I mean, I was trying to do him doing Cardi B was very derivative but uh I think it's hilarious now stick to the list and people are like yeah like real
Starting point is 01:30:11 journalists are retweeting Cardi B it's getting very circus like the whole society has become the world is a stage now okay now look at this kid without the smirk he gets such a young little kid another another's not another angle he looks scared. I mean, look how little, without the hat he looks even younger. I feel from this experience that you owe anybody an apology. What? Why would she ask him that? Your own fault in any way.
Starting point is 01:30:41 As far as standing there, I had every right to do so. I don't, I'd, my position is that I was not disrespectful to Mr. Phillips. I respect him. I'd like to talk to him. I don't know. This is so real. It's so like, what a fucking, she's trying to set him up. Yeah, and he's really like, she should be fucking fired. What a piece of shit. And how is it like, do you feel anything? You're leading the witness. Yeah. That's illegal.
Starting point is 01:31:12 You feel like a piece of shit. And nobody's trying to fucking. Nobody's trying to fucking. How is this? How did this become a story? Like when you look at what actually happened, nothing happened. It was a few different protests, groups of people that got together and then peacefully dispersed and if you look at all the video footage
Starting point is 01:31:29 i disagree with look these kids i disagree with catholicism i mean i approach all that shit but innocent pacific scenario the kids were actually the least wrong of the three groups they were the least aggressive of the three groups they weren't even aggressive yeah that's what I'm saying. I mean, they were a little wild, but they're fucking 14 year old kids are gonna chant shit. I mean, they're fucking 14 year old kids. For the mo- you're lucky that wasn't from the Brooklyn you cock suckers.
Starting point is 01:31:55 I know. If that was kids, if that was me and my boys, oh shit. Even the video lickin' is all pussy. I would lick my old pussy right here. I would've took my dick out, stuck it in a Vicks vapor rub. Like I do what I was 15. We were the fucking jump-chomp, we were the jump-chomp. Did you get Vicks vapor in your dick? When I was 15, I did stick my dick in a Vicks vapor rub. Because I was curious to see if it burned.
Starting point is 01:32:18 And I fucked it. When it used to come in, it came in a... Yeah, yeah, like the champ stick. Yeah, Vaseline jar. Vaseline jar, yeah, I fucked it and it would it burned bad It's as if you didn't know that was 100% going to well you know when you're 15 you do stupid shit So I mean hats off these kids they they didn't do that Super shit. I would have been much stupider. Maybe if they took their hats off this wouldn't that happened if there's no hats
Starting point is 01:32:42 There's no story. I believe that get it Don't know the Trump They took their hats off, this wouldn't have happened. If there's no hats, there's no story, I believe that. Get it? No. The Trump hats. But here you go. The Trump hats. Yeah, but I'm gonna float this over to you, big boy. I should have heard of you. It's gone.
Starting point is 01:32:53 It threw it too hard. Yeah. It's just nobody bomb the rest of the show. Listen, you look at this kid and his, I respect this kid even more now, because she tried to set him up, and he went for standing there. No, I didn't do anything. I'd love to talk to the guy. The guy, I mean, what the fuck is
Starting point is 01:33:11 this lady doing? And how weird a time do we live that this kid was just on a school trip. He's some random 14 year old kid and now like the whole country is watching him. Whole country's watching him give an interview on fucking ABC. If he ever tweeted anything questionable or anything on social media, it'll be found on earth and used again, so for sure. I can't, I can't, we should, you know, we should, we should do this.
Starting point is 01:33:36 We should come up with a day this year, just a middle year, maybe end of the summer. Give, well, everybody gets the summer. And then September, third, let's do September 3rd. We all delete our fucking Twitter's. We just start it right now. We start telling people right now. Let's go September. I'm not famous enough to do that, Bobby. I mean, I am at the top of my comedic game as far as skills go. Yeah. Well, I need it. For what? Tell him out to tell the three people who may come see me. Let me ask you you question how did Richard prior fucking promote how did fucking George Conn?
Starting point is 01:34:08 How did every other comedian up until fucking 2005 promote their gigs? I don't know but I have a podcast called history high heena I Dane the dane really what is it? I said I don't know but I have a podcast called history high heena's on riot cast You should listen to it me agree with you definitely yeah, great podcast love fucking throwing it in a block. It's actually better I mean better by like downloads or content Cuz I think we're I think we're both completely at the top of our game right now true You're on your podcast with you doesn't really matter. He's such a fucking beast. It doesn't matter
Starting point is 01:34:40 He gets it watch him over the riot cast Well, we can talk after that. Oh, I'm gonna fucking do it. I'm learning you just like I've heard it fucking Shannon. Becky's gonna die too. Listen, August, August 25th, you've got to four months start training. We're fucking fighting. There's no record. I'll never let anybody else go. There it is. They made you look too masculine in that cartoon. Do you think I'm pretty I feel like I'm you're the red shirt? Yeah. Oh yeah, I'd fuck that first Well, yeah, that's my my my cast if they could put a little less gray a little more brown. He still wants to be a lot of nothing like you to Yeah, I know it looks I think it looks a lot not at all. It looks like Looks like Colin Kane as a young kid and then Con Kane older
Starting point is 01:35:30 It's pretty good. What about the Colin Kane? I don't know. He's fucking I think he's still cells I think he's still still yeah, he's still torn shirts As he torn is he don't I don't met the guy. I don't know. I don't know I've never seen them one time nice guy. I do I always liked him when I met him. I mean when I was around him I know him when I talk when I met him He I mean, when I was around him, I know him. When I talk him when I met him. He's trying to just disembelate. I want to meet your dad. I know. He's in the other room waiting.
Starting point is 01:35:50 I can't. I'm gonna mend. No, he's not. I mean, he came to the shed as impressive. Yeah, he did. He comes to the cellar a lot. Yeah, he's fucking a d- Dude, he's a Jersey dude, man.
Starting point is 01:36:01 Him and his wife, I did a show at Uncle Vinnie's and they came out They sit there they had a great time and they went to a cigar bar for fucking two hours So I think it was 3 30 in the morning Just sitting there and they you know, of course everybody's walking kind of bug me because I'm usually you know Hey robber Kelly and they literally stepping on my toes to get to them Okay, I burn through the cigar But yeah, it was little no.
Starting point is 01:36:29 Hey, Robert, can you get out of the way please? You need Bob, right? Yeah, beat it. But no, great. And to wrap that up, though, I just, I think we should delete our Twitter's. Bobby, come on. You don't need it. You need Facebook and Instagram.
Starting point is 01:36:44 I don't need Facebook anymore. Facebook's dead. All right, but Instagram is fine You can have Facebook because we have some older people look at his beard Here's what I think Instagram Instagram Twitter is garbage Twitter is It's tainted water I disagree you can't filter out the scum you can't this is what I done on Twitter I don't follow really I'm just trying to set up a thing that we can all do together on a day and and and and and and and and and and and
Starting point is 01:37:10 and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and
Starting point is 01:37:18 and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and I guess but not a lot of not as much headliners as it were in the past. I wonder why I'm winning women were invited now. It's the old dude lunch thing that Lewis does
Starting point is 01:37:33 Yeah, Lewis is a head but we didn't take a picture this year We decided not to take a picture because it gets gets a lot of backlash. Why on social media from who? From everybody that's not a male comedian I guess guess. I mean, the women comedian don't, but they have women lunches, don't they? They have women group. They can, they're absolutely allowed to. Well, why can't we have a group? Why can we have, because it's toxic? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:37:55 No, is it fucking toxic? But it's always funny about that is every time someone posted a picture of that, like the first comment is always like, off a lot of white dudes, it's like, I was organized by Lewis, you know what I mean? It's like it's a lot of there's just a lot of white dudes in comedy. Yeah, but white you can come white to you can come plus you need a $50.
Starting point is 01:38:12 Evil. Yeah, you didn't need $50. So that thinned out the herd a bit. Look, if you're a white man, you're fucking you're just an evil guy and it's what it is. I'm going to actually come up with a lunch fund for minorities for next year's dinner. Okay, so if there's minority comics that can't afford like a diversity program. So you're not a dinner at Negro College Fund. Wow. Can you say that? I can't say minority anymore either. I mean, I mean, it's called that. It's called that. Yeah, yeah, what a look that up It's called if you had a call back before you can't say or they don't call minorities anymore either you have to stop Did it did I say? Does that not a thing? Yeah, it is all right? So you can Google that I can say it
Starting point is 01:38:58 No, you can't say why wait a minute you not in big row college for it Yeah, why do you say it was such a venom? I'm gonna keep you up in the cruise. What is this? Jesus Christ. Stop, stop, stop. I'm not saying that. I don't say Negro like Vince McMahon.
Starting point is 01:39:14 Yeah. Stop. Stop. Stop. Guys, I'm not saying that. Listen, we all know I have fucked up tone, okay? You can't say that with a Boston accent. At a shaved head. Yeah. We all know I have I have fucked up tone, okay? You can't say that with a Boston accent
Starting point is 01:39:26 At a shaved head. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're saying in a position of power You're the one who said that Someone said there's no minorities there. You can't say my They're just they're not you can't say that. It's other rising them. Stop other rising. I'm gonna pay for others to come Yeah, so it's other rising them some stop other rising. I'm gonna pay for others to come So it's not so white They're just others There's humanity humanity. Yeah, but somebody I need a q-tip it's just fucking a white you got it like they don't need your fucking bullshit
Starting point is 01:40:02 People in the groups step trying to group or group a eyes wait a minute your group a dizing people. Is that a word? Yes You're belittling me's on the top of his Comedically I'm at the top of my skills right now. We know. Don't ask me the name of the podcast Just write down. What you know, you know, please Oh, is it like my own pussy? Please Like my own pussy She's been dying this giraffe trying to be looking around pussy Yeah, that was before the podcast started together
Starting point is 01:40:33 She got fucking she got personal. Yeah, just to do this She got a pair of rubber boots and some gloves Nothing had nothing was the fucking bitch I tried that joke twice Oh Nothing had nothing. Where's the fucking be? I got it all right. I Tried that joke twice First I my stop I regrouped and nobody caught me and then I shot a rubber boots and gloves And then I did I did an act out it was I didn't get shit on an act out
Starting point is 01:41:06 Is there anything worse than a big act out with nothing? Oh, no. No, actually, that's the most hilarious thing when you throw an act out and it bumps. Yeah. I think that's the funniest thing. It's the best bomb of all time. If you're a comic, watching a comic, and he throws a little his body weight into it, and it gets nothing, I think that's number one funniest thing I've ever seen.
Starting point is 01:41:21 They're just sweating. Yeah, like if you really get into it and the audience gives you nothing, I think that's funny. I've done it. I've had it happen downstairs. I've had it happen. At the cellar when I was a little more active back in the day, I used to run around and sweat and shit. I remember one that I was down there just bombing. I said something out of the gate and it just didn't fly.
Starting point is 01:41:39 Somebody killed in front of me and I was just fucking running around. Dude, man, I fucking started banging the school stool and I did something and I was just fucking running around. I did that and I fucking started banging the school stool and I did something and I was woo! And I fucking was on the ground and I remember having to quietly get up from the ground and there was just nothing and I'm a one-grow one. Ah! I feel like I'm like quickly. She was laughing at the not laughs.
Starting point is 01:42:02 Yeah. Exactly. That's my joke, buddy. She was laughing at the not laughs. Yeah. Exactly. That's my joke, brother. Kevin Hart stole that fucking, that's mine. I mean, the hump in the stool, that's crazy. There you go. That guy sells out a reenus.
Starting point is 01:42:15 Sure does. That's another guy. That's also something that's still. That was my move. Yep, he fucked the stool too. All three of those, they're all the, well, I fucked the stool at some point. Yeah, we all, Louis fucked the stool. You got to fuck the stool. You got to fuck the stool too all three of those they're all the well, I fucked still at some point Yeah, we all Louis fucked the stone you gotta fuck the story if you're not a comic it'll you fuck this Yeah, I mean you get him off the screen please it's fucking triggering
Starting point is 01:42:35 There's women in here take him off the fucking screen. Yeah, I didn't consent to being able to see that I mean you got to tell you got to announce First if you're gonna pull up that image and announce it to the room Zach Jesus fucking Christ wants to get sued or rest it. It's Mike. He can do it. Huh? Can I say his rings are bothering me? It's bothering me the whole time. What are you doing again teeks? Just fucking rummaged through his grandfather's stuff that he inherited like these two will do he murdered homeless people That's where he got his tattoo mustache and rings If he clank if he clanked them off the table twice I'd have to hit him with something
Starting point is 01:43:14 Listen you he doesn't like Joan Jets drummer I think it looks like a gay bartender at a gay bar That's a compliment, man. I think it looks like a gay bartender at a gay bar. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss.
Starting point is 01:43:32 That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss.
Starting point is 01:43:40 That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment to a boss. That's a compliment D show tomorrow. Oh, yeah, it's fun. You'll have a good time with them Is it good? It's you're hanging out with Chrissy. It's always good. He's the best. He's the best I heard that's really quick to right really quick. It's fun. It's easy. We ask you questions You just riff and have a good one. Do you want something back? Yeah, you put yeah
Starting point is 01:43:59 We're not leaving right now, but if you could say what listen Becky Yeah, you can say whatever you want I like how me she is it reminds me the good old days sit back down no seriously stop it really no Becky Becky is so nice I know I know no no that's fine this is wishes stop stop people pleasing your fucking cocks. I go You say look like a bullfrog Not to him What's wrong? We only want to he left to we set it up She was in the room. You know, but that's a bullseye. I mean he looks like a fucking bullfrog You do look like you can do like the one-eye blinking at a time. I think we all can back it
Starting point is 01:44:44 Go away. He's at the top of his game Well everyone listening loves comedy because you you listened to us for so long So please check out Kevin Barnett. He's an excellent comic who passed away today Yeah, he was 32 same ages me and it makes me Really thankful for like all the time to meet me laugh. So please go on YouTube and watch his comedy I was a great. He was just a great guy man. It's sad. It's so fucking funny I never I never met him. I might have a madam, but I know I don't know him The thing is he was a good dude too, which is like it I just don't understand why good dudes keep going, you know
Starting point is 01:45:22 I think I'm more success. He didn't change as a person. He was just as cool. Just good at what was he? Where was he? Well, I don't know what he do He started the but he also had like yeah, he had shows He was he was on Broad City and then he also had his show and show on was it true TV? Yeah, he co-created Rell with a little raldy road for all his shows He started out here. He was here for a couple years and then he moved to late well with they first got the sketch show him and your main failure was of other people of the people of the people The people. Oh, yeah, I remember that show. Yeah, so he was one of the creators of it with Fowler and ripin' of it
Starting point is 01:45:56 Yep, yep, so just a great dude. It's just so tragic Howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy know. Yeah, I'm not gonna say it. Yeah. We, but it's, it's so shitting. Now I just wanna know. I'll tell you what I have to do. He's also. You know too? Yeah. Okay, so you used to wanna be smudge the memory of him. I get you, okay.
Starting point is 01:46:35 I get you. But he also, he's one of those guys too. I remember he did, like the first, he had one of the, you know there's some guys where you just remember their jokes forever. I remember like when I first started, I still like will quote one of his jokes. I was like, what is it?
Starting point is 01:46:46 I'll quote it. Well, he used to talk about that. The McDonald's days were like super racist, but like no one ever seemed to like realize it. But he was like, you know, they just show like a white guy like on his lunch and then he goes back to like his power office and then they showed like a black guy take a bite of a chicken sandwich and then he's just playing basketball really well
Starting point is 01:47:03 and like break dancing. Just to get the act out to it, everything. It was so fucking funny. But he also, here's one of those guys, too, they're, you wanna talk about like a good bomb? Like whatever he would bomb, he bombed in like such a fun fucking way, too. He's self-deprecating humble guy.
Starting point is 01:47:18 Very humble. He really was good energy man. It's like people are just like, have good energy or bad energy and he just had good energy he was trending on on twitter which is kind of crazy if you think about that so many people like fucking he affected you know so it's pretty awesome it's really just wish it was a better you know i just wish comics would start taking care of themselves a little bit what a sick of it you know it's like you got to take care of all right all right all right all right no but it's kind of like
Starting point is 01:47:42 Jesus Christ i bet i ain't a fucking salad today. I know, I'm not stupid. I'm just saying, I'm just saying we have to, man. It's like comedians just keep dying. I was gonna ask you if you wanted to go get Jones after, but apparently that's out with your speech. I'm not going, I'm gonna fuck you. We'll get a Poke ball if you want.
Starting point is 01:47:57 You can go get a cigar though, no? No, I can't, I gotta do fucking. I gotta cigar. I'll give you one. No, I'm not smoking with you. It's about the hand. I would love to smoke with you tonight But I mean fucking come on, but I'm a fucking I wish I was one of your fucking friends from boss
Starting point is 01:48:13 I knew you back when you were fucking fucking checks back there were talking girls in a fucking school You remember that one fucking girl? You're not bringing it ruined my life. Sorry. I mean you brought it up on a previous fucking episode I know well she wasn't I never said retarded. She said she had one fucking leg or something Dude, you're not bringing it ruined my life. Sorry. I mean, you brought it up on a previous fucking episode, boy. I know. Well, she wasn't. I never said retarded. She was. You said she had one fucking leg or something.
Starting point is 01:48:29 No, she never legs. She was slow. She was slow. Oh, fuck. And I'm from Boston. I say, still stay fucking with you. I feel bad about my whole life. I really do.
Starting point is 01:48:39 I look back. I look back now. And it's like, all right, I get it. Well, I'm not famous. I mean, you look back on your life and I'm like, shit, what's that? Would you want to be famous right now? Be honest.
Starting point is 01:48:49 I really want to be famous. I don't want to be famous right now, but I don't think, look, I love doing what we do and I love not having to worry about it. I mean, look, you have to have some type of fame to support yourself. I'm 48, I'm gonna be 60 before you know it. I don't wanna fucking do cruise ships.
Starting point is 01:49:08 I don't wanna have to, if not, there's anything wrong with that, but I just, I love doing what I do and I love to keep doing it, but you need some type of fame to do that. And if they're gonna keep going back into your past on shit that you did when you were fucked up or lonely or insecure trying to find your way,
Starting point is 01:49:23 and not allow you to evolve and become a father and a beautiful husband and a loving friend and they're just gonna hold you accountable to everything you ever fucking did. I don't think there's any way you can do it. Isn't it weird that like the... I said that without breathing. That was just weird.
Starting point is 01:49:38 It's actually like a movie speech. Yeah. That was my friend's help. I heard slow military drums I'm just saying I'm saying again. I'm sorry for everything I've done bad I've done a lot of bad shit. I've done, I'm treated. But that's why you have to be your own self-sustaining. Like these guys, especially these guys in LA, it's so weird to me that people will always argue,
Starting point is 01:50:12 you know, you could say like the best comedians on the planet are in New York. Well, I mean, top of our game right now. Are in New York City, but the biggest comedians are in LA, like all of these guys that have like, they're following and doing, all the arena comics are out there But it's like all of them have gotten into some shit Not really no no, what no who?
Starting point is 01:50:34 What do you mean bird doesn't get anything you fuck you just a passion no not one thing. Yeah, no Yeah, only the New York comics seem to yeah, well Jerk off in a couple of I get in trouble. Is these two? Is he's got in trouble? That was not real. Of course, but it already, I guarantee there's still people
Starting point is 01:50:53 that fucking, you know what I mean, it's the same with Chris Hardwick. People still are like, oh, that guy was a piece of shit. It's like, remember how that all came out that that wasn't real? And they were like, oh, no, I don't, you know, you know, the first headlines, the only thing that matters. People suck, dude. People just just want people just want a fucking they don't want They love when the comics get taken out all the comics to I know comic. We're all comics
Starting point is 01:51:14 some comics are psyched that that They're gone now. I don't have to worry about him. Yeah, as a style comedy is what's in right now. My style, not that shitty style that I couldn't do. I was one of Patrice's around right now. He'd be fucking hashtagged everything. He had so many fucking, he had a, I remember his group, the He-Man Woman Hater Club. He's all about fuck women. When you had a group of fuck women, you keep pimps, pimps up, hose down, you keep your bitch down. He did that on the office when he was a character on the office.
Starting point is 01:51:50 He was like, tell your girl to shut up. Like, he said that on the office. He did that at his barber kill. Who I'm saying is he did that on like network television as well as in fucking, you know. It's so funny. He served a vital role. I really wish he was around now because... he kept the scene in order a little bit Well, he kept the scene in order and and he wasn't afraid. Yeah, and he took the hit for a lot of us Joe Rogan's like that on the West Coast a little bit calls people out and kind of yeah, I think so we don't have one now. I think Joe. I mean I Think Joe, you know, it's weird because Joe
Starting point is 01:52:24 Jesus Christ man. He's such a I mean, I think Joe, you know, it's weird because Joe, Jesus Christ man, he's such a, you know, he's the guy, I mean, he was my, the dude, I always, fuck, I was like, that's my guy, because everybody's looking up, you know, on TV back in the day and I was like, that's the guy, that's the mother, he's talking about crazy shit, he's talking about fucked up shit. And I've always loved Joe and his comedy and stuff,
Starting point is 01:52:45 and then you see what he's just had an amazing career. But it's hard to get, you know, it's hard to take advice from somebody who's, you know, I mean, really, I don't know, it's, it's, you know, I'm a fat fuck with, you know, I'm a thousand air, you know, a fucking, a chubby stomach and tits, you know, and say, dude, you gotta, a fucking a chubby stomach and tits, you know, it's like, dude, you got to believe in yourself. How? How? How, dude, I don't understand. I'm scared all the time. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:53:12 I mean, if I had a million dollars in the bank and I went from, you know, people who it's hard to you see these people who have everything and then they're giving us advice. I everything and then they're giving us advice. I kind of rather take advice from someone who had nothing and got something. And then lost it and got it back. I look at those people and I'm like, ah, okay, I got it. I think the keys just not be hard on yourself
Starting point is 01:53:36 and just keep going. Take the hits, feel the hits and keep, just keep going. Does that make sense though? I mean, you know what I mean? It's hard to, you know, if you can look at your bank account and not ever I mean never have to worry about it again That's what like I see people's like I William Stevenson's fuck needs they need fifteen thousand dollars to raise It's like if I was if I had
Starting point is 01:54:00 Millions in the bank I would just take it. I'd be like I got it. It's done. Why the fuck? I know people that know him who have fucking millions. Right. You put a hundred. What the fuck? It is weird when you see those go-fun me's and you see who donated like you know Some people would not have messed but then you see like people who have a lot of money It's like five dollars and you're like, oh, I don't get it. What the fuck can't you do? Why can't you take that hit? Why can't you just I wiped it? I got it. It's on me. It's all taken care of. I don't know. Maybe they do.
Starting point is 01:54:32 Maybe they do. We just don't know about it. That'd be even a greater thing if they didn't don't anybody. But I see that shit. And I'm like, why the fuck isn't somebody stepping the fuck up and just wiping this shit out? You know what I mean? I don't know. So anyways, yeah Joe Rogan's one of those guys, Billy Burrow's one of those guys. You know, there's a bunch of, I think that that crew is the most famous,
Starting point is 01:54:56 I mean, I think back in the day, it was Patrice, me, Voss, the ONA type thing that was pretty hot for a while. And then it flipped over there. I think it's over there now. I think Rogan's podcast is like the tonight show used to be. It's the biggest, the biggest thing in going. I don't do way more for you than because that's targeted comedy fans versus doing a tonight
Starting point is 01:55:17 show. You know, it's almost like a. It's kind of got such a huge. He's got millions and millions of. But it kind of sucks now, doesn't it? Because I felt like back in the day, not that I was gonna get on it, but it'd be like, at some point, you'd be like, oh, B&L A, and then might be like,
Starting point is 01:55:29 hey, you wanna do it? You just go and do it. Like, you see him at a club, and you'd be like, hey, let's go do this. Now, it's like, you have to, you know, you have to fucking, you know, you can still definitely do it. You have to know a fucking, an alien.
Starting point is 01:55:40 Lillister, you can do it. Yeah, I'm gonna do it. He had to do it with two other people. Yeah, but he has people on and he's supported so many comics and helped so many people, comics have big careers. He's especially Boston, yeah. Look at me. I mean, there's a bunch of guys who are selling out now
Starting point is 01:55:56 because Rogan just kind of, I mean, he's got the minus touch. And Louie had that. Yeah. You know, all my co-tales fucking burnt up. It's fucking coming back into orbit just plowing. that. Yeah, you know, fucking all my co-tales fucking burnt up. Fucking coming back into orbit just No, but yeah, you're right. He does and he does help a lot and they help each other which is
Starting point is 01:56:18 Oh, no supposed to be I thought you fucking get up there and then you fucking bring others up with you Not just you fucking step on their heads and then keep them down So I think it's a beautiful thing that a comic has that much power and that the industry doesn't have the power that he has. The industry can't really make your career anymore the way Joe Rogan cares. Which is an amazing thing. I treat you so much time, you get me over. It's your responsibility.
Starting point is 01:56:35 If I'm on your show, you need to get me over with your fans. If I come on your show and you attack me, it fuck with me and make me look like an asshole, now you fucked me. But if you get me over and tell your fans, you gotta go check this dude out. Now you're getting me over, you're helping me, you fuck with me, and make me look at an asshole. Now you fucked me, but if you get me over and tell your fans, you gotta go check this dude out. Now you're getting me over, you're helping me, you're helping me attain my dreams.
Starting point is 01:56:50 And you're absolutely right, those guys do that. And we, this show can't do that for anybody. You're not. And that's not true. Except for Mike and Gabby and Mike and Zach, it's actually about the time I'm gonna go fuck myself. One of the biggest weaknesses I think comedians have that we all share in comics.
Starting point is 01:57:08 We'll see. Is that we want to lick our own business? We'll see. Is that we all? That was that. We want people to like us. So it's easy for us to be taken advantage of. It's easy for us to believe we've made it
Starting point is 01:57:21 when we're really making someone else a lot of money. And a lot of comedians forget that They forget that hey you got to you got to be getting something out of it You're especially in this era where there's not one or two or three gatekeepers You are your own business now. You're your own entity The internet is the way you make it for everyone So stop stop hoping you're going to make it. Stop hoping you're going to get put on.
Starting point is 01:57:49 Stop hoping there's something to get. There's only something to build. Yeah. Yeah. Gabby, what do you have? What do I have? Yeah, what do you get? My monthly show is back next month.
Starting point is 01:58:04 I'm very sick. I'm sending you a period? My monthly show is back next month I mean your period my monthly period is back Making sure the bad guy is safe and sound that was a good one my mom really February six my monthly show at the way station in Brooklyn is back Boxes bloody And follow me on Instagram at my boxes bloody that's already K. Abby is Brian thanks bye can I do you show yeah I need to my bookings a little light even though I'm at the top of my game I'm gonna take you $10 I'll do it for I yeah I'm at the middle of my game.
Starting point is 01:58:46 No, comedic. I mean, you know, I'm at the top, but just my schedule is over. Mike, what do you got besides watery eyes? Like a lizard. To look through my own tongue. Um, I'll be at the Yonkers Comedy Club February 2nd. I could be Yonkers.
Starting point is 01:59:01 Yeah. Oh, that's good. It's Super Bowl weekend, that's why they needed me. Oh, really? Yeah, but I'd like to be there for the first time. I like the guy at Yonkers. Yeah, oh, that's good. It's super bowl weekend. That's why they Oh really, yeah, but I like the other one the first time. I like the guy Yonkers You should use you guys you guys should all do a show up there Maybe you're gonna do huh be a good idea. All right Follow me on Instagram at Mike Vs. Warres also follow us on Instagram at YKW dude podcast and our twitch stream YKWD podcast as well. We recast on Sunday afternoons. There's an active chat on there so you guys
Starting point is 01:59:29 want to talk to each other and we'll be doing more stuff for Super Chat on this channel as well. Good, great. All right, Mikey, what do you got buddy? Sounds like a fucking cookie mustache. I got a cookie mustache and a nose run. I'm at Mike Abruci on all social media. I got a podcast. And Grinder. And Grinder. Do you have a boat? Are you a pirate? I'm at my cabrúsie on all social media. I got a pot and grinder and grinder I got a boat are you a pirate? I would love to have anything I got a podcast called a little time that you can download everywhere and February 6th I'll be at the stress factory for Bonnie McFarland
Starting point is 02:00:00 Which one the secret handshake for in New Brunswick. Oh, that's great. Yeah, I love bonny I really love bonny McFarland. She's one of my favorite settlers. I handshake for in New Brunswick. Oh, that's great. Yeah, I love bonny. I really love bonny. She's one of my favorites. I love her. I'm in the movie. All right. Yeah, I actually, she's one of my faves.
Starting point is 02:00:11 What'd you get in the movie? I'm in it. What? Acting in it. What are you? I actually play, oh, I don't know if I could say it. I don't say it. Becky, what do you get besides beautiful hair?
Starting point is 02:00:23 Oh, thanks. I'm a comedy photographer on Instagram. It's at human places, the ease of three. Yeah, if you want some photos or you got headshots or whatever, you want somebody to come to your show and fucking have some rocking photos, please get in touch with her. Zach? Oh, okay.
Starting point is 02:00:40 I got bars, sun check, I'm on mixed tape. Oh, you good. Yeah. Yeah. Zach is the fucking guy around here. I mean, isn't he? He's a big part of that. History hyenas, which is right here in Ryecast. You can listen to all of our podcast episodes.
Starting point is 02:00:59 And this is, yeah, just check us out. History hyenas, me and Chrissy Cackels, so do it. We have a patreon page as well. So just fucking get a lot to have a patreon being under the rye cast umbrella That's not a conflict. I literally own half the company. I can do whatever I want and you can do whatever you want when you come Go on Yeah, Bobby, so I heard you fucking podcast You get your page you on your try to write some script. Oh, how are we gonna get make money? We never told we couldn't do it. Oh my god strongly. How am I gonna win like this for a while? How am I gonna pay Michael Bisming if I can't you guys are making money on the side
Starting point is 02:01:42 Listen to now you you stay over at gas did you know they got beautiful studios over? I wish goodbye podcast I wish good by podcast great great podcast. No, come on. I just told you I have fucking do too much You'll be in the city on Thursday if you do it here Over we can record one here. All right. There you go boom. You can't record there. You need gas digital branding So there you go man, I think we should go out another great episode of you know what dude I think we should go out on a hotline. You ready? Are you ready? Let's do it I'm gonna have to go to the finals, searching in the night. Mariner, fire, don't burn the street lights, and people.
Starting point is 02:02:31 Thank you everybody for listening. Leave me just to find emotion. I love you guys. I love you guys. Somewhere in the night. Rest in peace, Kevin Bondnet. You guys are the best fans of the world. Thank you for listening. Make sure you join the Patreon.
Starting point is 02:02:50 Support us. You guys are the best. We'll see you next week. You know what, dude. Good night for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs.
Starting point is 02:03:10 Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Starting point is 02:03:22 Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. You

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