Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Truth Syrum

Episode Date: January 13, 2014

Yannis Pappas guest hosts YKWD with Dan Soder, Luis J Gomez, Joe List, Sam Morril and Chris Scopo. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Activa es lúnico, porque a diferencia de otros, activa ha demostrado que sus millones de probióticos naturales llegan vivos a la microviota. Y además ayuda a tu salud digestiva, activa. Buscas contenido gratis. Flutotiví es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o sensación de vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca.
Starting point is 00:00:28 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno. Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovecharte del 3 por uno en medianas a domicidios solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? 3 por uno, 3 por uno. Ah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Before we get into the show, I just want to let you guys know about this great new offer we have for fans of the podcast. You probably heard of Hulu.com. Well, Hulu Plus is so much more. With Hulu Plus, you can watch your favorite shows anytime, anywhere.
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Starting point is 00:03:41 You know what dude? I got my Hulu Plus. I got my coffee, boom! You love going to welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. That was trying to keep it like a comic can. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down.
Starting point is 00:03:58 And sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's intense. No topics, no directions. But I love doing it. This podcast has no rules. Can I get a microphone? I'm sure I've already said to their graphics. Rubber Kelly. You know what, dude?
Starting point is 00:04:11 You know what, dude? I know what, dude. I guess un-blood cast a c'mon. I guess not c'mon. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon. Come on, time! Come on, time! Come on, time!
Starting point is 00:04:26 Come on, time! Come on, time! Come on, time! Come on, time! Come on, time! Come on, time! Come on, time! Come on, time!
Starting point is 00:04:42 Joe Pesci, draw the line, don't cross it, that's it! Give me a theater, I'm done. Alright guys, we're recording right now. Are we on your stream? Yep, we're going. Welcome to the Watt-A-Bee podcast, I'm your host, Louis J. Don't. What the fuck? We're on Kiss Hostin' As-Hole.
Starting point is 00:04:57 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. My name's Janice Papis, I'm filin' him for Bobby fucking Kelly. Why would that be, by the way? Huh? He respects me. I have the radio background. He respects me, that's why Joe. And I get just brushed right over. Because you know what, the one time you hosted the show, Dan,
Starting point is 00:05:12 it really sucked. You're very unsure of yourself. Here's a problem, you can't steer the ship and do your crazy wacky voices at this time. That's a lot. Be a man in the box. You got to only be the man in the box. Once you can steer a ship and do crazy voices watch this iceberg ride
Starting point is 00:05:29 Perfect Yeah, where is Kelly? I come she's not here. I mean really what a good thing I said hey she's going to hear so just hadn't know that no, but I thought she's supposed to be hopefully she's dead She dictates every episode She sucks the dick out of dictate Well sucks the dick you warm up. We'll get you on time here guys Why are we sitting so close? Inchim to him because I have to be on the camera for you stream cuz scopos that I said move over a little bit
Starting point is 00:05:58 Not going to grab me I'm too late to work. You're getting big if you're over there. They'll get some of you in the frame You're on my right tip. I will not're over there they'll get some of you in the frame My right tip I would not be on camera to sit further away from you than this Why don't you sit on the couch with Sambo seriously? I don't like the couch for these podcasts It makes me very tired. I need to be alert on a chair You're the juiest person I've ever met ever wow and I've met young Kapoor. I know we were talking about it I think you think he's a psychopath sam sam sam thoughtful sweetest person i've ever met maybe the most loyal sweetest friend of ever had a look at the same person over compensation because he
Starting point is 00:06:32 feels nothing no i feel he drinks i feel like sam is uh... he's got good guidance counselor energy he listens and then you know he shows you the care of that he's got to take care of your sam self- thoughtful that when he asks how you're doing he listens with his mouth open he's like this how are you yeah but i think that's a dd i'm not being thought yeah can we can we start over the sucks yeah this is awesome i don't know who sam is i don't know why we're talking about sam sam or else that's what i just i snuck it in sam or else sam or else come from the from the sady doioblog from the Sadie Doyle blog, the Sam Arrell,
Starting point is 00:07:06 the rape representative for the community. Oh, a community. Congressman of rape. Yeah. Representing rape? Look, I'm going up against him next election year. No, he's got jokes. That's just saying rape.
Starting point is 00:07:18 I'm gonna do it. I can't hit the act. Dude, it's Sam. I have inspired many rape jokes. Sam has to do something huge now, because right now like that He's really known like Brett when we were hanging out the other night wanted to meet Sam because of the Sam Doyle The Sandy Doyle controversy so my breath far off is like you are the Sam Raul
Starting point is 00:07:37 And I was like yeah, dude. I am your eyebrow match Sam is low Joe is low scobo fix it Told you I was low. I don't know how to fix it guys Yeah, I don't know my ass is way me down. I can fix it if you if you're constantly sitting on something that cushy You want to get up either You just want to keep her a laxer. It's like he's got a fucking temper pita always Strap to him. This is got memory foam, but. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:07 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:15 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:23 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh God. I really feel like in this shirt tossing his baseball, I feel like a groundskeeper. I used to pitch. Your tackers cut me. Joe, how do you feel about this? How is that bandana? How do you feel about us starting late today? It's been down as being washed, by the way, because with Kelly's tears. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:35 It has the flu on it. How sick is Kelly that we're throwing away items and learning? Nine of mine, she told me she almost died of pneumonia. She went to the hospital. Too bad. But she's still tweeting. Oh, I know It's the Grammy God Reno What is with it? What is with the Tinder date?
Starting point is 00:08:51 She thinks it's a thing. Yeah, it's just she's trying to do like a comedian's pissing thing Which I don't know. I don't try to do your own fucking thing. What is set it up? What is it? I don't know what is it? Is pissing is innovative and bold? I respect that. Thank man. I'm a fucking groundbreaking. What's Kelly doing? He's doing it. It's called conversations on Tinder and what she does is she She trolls guys on Tinder and when they hit her up she just screen caps what they write you can't do that That's illegal to put people's information on it. Oh, it's illegal. It's just shitty. Yeah, I think it might be borderline Look, I think it looked I should have the consent if she wasn't like a fat chick who should be getting fucked off a tender Then I would understand if she was like a hot chick. I was like oh, ha ha ha
Starting point is 00:09:30 But Kelly no use Tinder for its fucking purpose, which is to get you laid Which she does do you can't use it to get you laid and then be like look at this loser I like make I like that Lewis is sticking up for the ethics of a of a thing like tender Lewis the animal You're supposed to be there to fuck. There's a co-league personal information. She's the snowed-in of Tinder. You shouldn't be doing this. It's just classified.
Starting point is 00:09:53 It's just classified fucking information. Well, that is gonna fucked up. If you're on Tinder, you don't want people to fucking just put your shit out there that you're even on. So it's a personal conversation. Yeah, to what or 14 followers. I don't really know who we're. We got a couple thousand followers
Starting point is 00:10:05 You get more followers than a lot of people in the room that may not you but definitely us three I think it's pretty close right now. No, I think she's beating you not by much Can we please have Joe list pull ahead of Kelly for the good followers? Biggest abomination son on a Twitter now, please worse than Jethro toll winning the first fucking metal grammy instead of metallica we gotta do something about that please please why isn't kelly fucking a comedian who is going up in the world why is she not yeah no one will i don't know i think that's the way to maneuver kelly will be a very powerful manager one day. Oh, boy
Starting point is 00:10:49 It was just way honest You thought you I think you thought we were in a diner for a second I broke podcast Kelly will never be a perfection I have followers than Kelly has in my followers. You can take that back I broke I broke podcast Followers than you and what you like you did very dismissively. She got a lot more followers than a lot of people on the Room should it really us three she shouldn't but all right well, I did guys. She might have more followers I was definitely yeah, she's more like 11 all of his jump ship when he raped a girl Definitely, yeah, she's more like 11 all of his jumpship when he raped a girl
Starting point is 00:11:29 You know what you know what I can't comment on it because I feel like it's gonna get me in trouble Yeah, well he's stuck to it. Sadie's Sadie's just got two fingers on her bean ready for you to say something so she can start rubbing You know, I'm with people that say the word bean about vagina Flick in the bean no one no, I think that's feminist We're going to act himself with people that say the word being about vagina. Yeah, the first one. Flick in the bean. No one... No, flick in the beans. Yeah, I think that's feminist. I believe Joan Baez came up with that.
Starting point is 00:11:53 Yeah, I think that's... I believe the children are the future. I guess. That was the first line of the feminine mystique. No, is that wrong? Yeah. Flick to see it. You're an unciated funny.
Starting point is 00:12:01 Oh, the Jom Baez. Jom Baez. I guess Joan Baez. Joan Baez? Yeah. What did I say? I saw Joan Baez live a couple times. The show started at 7 p.m. sharp Bayez. I guess Joe Bayez. Joe Bayez. Yeah. What did I say? I saw Joe Bayez live a couple times. The show started at 7 p.m. sharp, 8.15. We were out. It was amazing.
Starting point is 00:12:10 It was me and Cantor. We were all banged up drinking booze in the parking lot. There was a bunch of people in their 70s. Is she the folk singer who's re-nigging on her gig on like a former plantation? You say re-nigging? Yeah. Actually, that could work out good on the former plantation. How does that work out good?
Starting point is 00:12:26 Just saying the n word casually actually I said re-nigging. It's a word. It's nagging. It's nagged. Negged dumb dumb. I was always re-nigged. This is the common thing. People think Yannis is smart. He's not. He really is not. He really has the smart re-nigging. He has the wolf re-nigging when he's hitting me. You don't think they want to remedy that at some point in the 60 read niggin when you think me Six days your girlfriend fucks black guy twice The end of lacy improved you know what dude podcast Sadie Boyle, Suck a Cock, are you dirty doggies? Suck this dick, we don't care, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out, wipe out that. Nope, I'm not being corporate ever. Dan, yes.
Starting point is 00:13:25 Do you say, come on. Who an incidence? Yes. Too good. How the fuck did you just think of that? You just went into your roller dex of Boston races and then because every time he blinks that's actual five seconds of thinking. So it's just like, dude, this is a lot of negative energy.
Starting point is 00:13:45 This is why we do it. Oh God, that was good. Coon incidents. Oh boy. Oh, people do say reading. That's the racist people. Coon incidents just really made me laugh. Yeah, coon incidents. The coffee is not going down my throat Can anyone think of any other ones Yeah, I'm sure we'll come up with a few yeah, yeah, no, what are you doing you make me nervous some folks are just Renagged on egg Renegh you fucking tool Renoggin Renuggin yeah, and before every podcast someone should get Joe irritated
Starting point is 00:14:24 He was irritated from the beginning I'm irritated because we started 30 minutes late. Yeah, why we're testing the set why yeah Tell us it's fucking it's time. It's very rude. Yeah, very very rude And I'm not blaming anyone other than Bobby and Chris and you right I was here on you know guest hosting. Yeah, I was for you are the you're the host So what does that mean am I responsible for Chris go up your Responsible, but you know Skopo I did that on purpose
Starting point is 00:14:50 Dance hall booty, you know, he gets a little too big for his British once well for once while we should just forget his last name I think that's what he deserves but what was you think everyone forgot my last name but Chris go What's going on to your scope? We're like shitting on yourself. Yeah, you're right Dude you should be going. Don't try to get out of this beating right here. Yeah, I think we should be having. You should be having, you should be having, you should be having, I'm an 8 mile,
Starting point is 00:15:10 we're like shits on himself, so we only have nothing on the side. Yes, I do have a big butt, and I am from Queens. And Kelly Fusuga does do a better job on the cameras than me. And that doesn't, but I know something about you.
Starting point is 00:15:19 You're in love with a beautiful woman, oh, Jesus, take it away on my power Yeah, this is working on a new laugh Joe That's all you're a fucking it. You're dumb. Huh? I'm not no actually re-nig fucking get on the comment You're still working the re-nig. Fucking get on the comment. You're still working the re-nig, Angle. No, because you called me dumb, because the re-nig. A lot of people say re-nig. It's like slang. That's it's like saying.
Starting point is 00:15:51 Re-African-American. Yeah, slang for fucking... I prefer recolored. Uh, um, this is what Joe does to be an asshole. He's the nicest guy in the world. Thank you. But he'll slowly do this and then you'll be like, this is him being a dick or a dick.
Starting point is 00:16:06 He'll be like, ah, I wrote a new bit about you. I got a bit where I'm like, you even notice when your friends are so inconsiderate and selfish, you're like, what? What would you tell him when you do it? That's your Joe impression. Tell him what you're Joe impression.
Starting point is 00:16:17 I don't have him. He's a Boston impression. Tell him what you did though. I was not a bad Joe listen person. I wanted to read a bit about you, but I did something. I wanted this something. The blitz helped it. You walked in and you were like, I had a terrible day. I was not a bad jolless person. I was a little bit about you, but I did something. I wanted to do something. The blinks help it.
Starting point is 00:16:26 You walked in and you were like, I had a terrible day. I was like, oh, this just happened, right? That's what Soda does. And he makes, now your way of making me an asshole is reporting me, I literally go to the sun, like I just had the worst day. And so it was like me too, I fucking, I got fired from, immediately just takes it off.
Starting point is 00:16:40 I don't even get the moral important in you. Yeah, no, I don't know if that's true. That's comics in general. I don't, most comics do that. Thank you, Louis. Most comics, because we were, you know, we't know that's a true. That's comics in general. I don't I most comics do that Thank you, Louis most gone cuz we don't know about ourselves all the same I don't do that so he does listen with his mouth. I'm trying to figure out what it's like to be human I'm gonna let you guys blaming his saying is a good listener cuz he's partially retarded That's not fair
Starting point is 00:16:58 I'm gonna let a credit for my learning discipline I'm gonna lot of credit for my learning disability Sam's half Jewish half-retired and half idiot. Oh boy, get where's the bad There you go there's your dream you could be my sidekick now Maurice and the Boston guy To pay right now From the American hustle a little bit But Christian bail I think the character's name not a great movie Joke scopes ever told you didn't even have the name with the name It's like the guy in the thing
Starting point is 00:17:46 Man, it's growing out of one or two zingers Especially in Lewis's direction. I think he's just savoring this time away from Kelly Yeah, I mean we got a month away from Kelly. She's going away tomorrow. Is it a whole month to whole month? We have My head it Fucking hilarious After where it? Hmm you don't have to wear it well I'm a team player because I care about other people unlike you Joe you're not the greatest guy in the world. Let's be honest No, I disagree. I chose Joe's one of the nicest
Starting point is 00:18:20 Volunteer work. What do you do? I don't do it it but I did 9-11 disaster relief for two and a half years I help people yeah, half years. You should have done a better job. That's way too long What what keep that way gone too long? So I'm gonna get a staple gun so it can be permanent All right I think you made Piminent He fucks up his ease and eyes I mean P. Nigment I mean P. Nigment Guys, boy, boy, oh, family
Starting point is 00:18:50 And then he talks about how people from Boston are racist He said, he said, Nig, 305 people from What's wrong with it? But he's strong, bro, clenching, I'm allowed to do this But Joe, you are a good person that you do Buddhism, you volunteer I do Buddhism, that's true Practice Buddhism doing Buddhism. Yeah, no you try to get me. I can't even take a compliment I was trying to get my compliment I fucking messed up the grammar Contlement well I care about you're gonna make fucking mercury rising over here as autistic joke telling your bill
Starting point is 00:19:18 Slamming his head a handed to his head this episode. We're gonna see how many ways we can get racial slurs into words Words do you mean Jews? I save you on that one I only want Joe yeah, I fucking save your ass you owe me one now Maybe you can invite me to your son's second birthday party you fucking jerk off like he's gonna be around for that Well, we'll see we'll see how involved you are in his life over the next year Joe Well invite me to come play with them and finger him and shit What are you kidding I hung out with them one time I saw him I picked him up did you really want to go? I would have gone. I would have appreciated inviting. I would have gone
Starting point is 00:19:57 I don't want to make it a big thing and then I don't want to be in a situation where I was Inviting then then I have to invite fucking, you're just wanna invite people that can help your career. So that's not true. How's that gonna do this? Who's like it? Who's invited? Fistuka Dan Davis Smith.
Starting point is 00:20:12 Well, that's, that's my never mind. Sorry, I take it back. No, but Fistuka baby sits James all the time. On the reg and Dave is like, basically, fucking James's uncle and Sotar's fucking, is that your baby's name? How come my career? He knows I got a little money so I'm gonna bring does fucking is that your baby's name? James career he knows I got a little money, so I'm gonna bring a present Is your baby's name's James? Yeah sweet baby's name this fucking ass. I'll be in honest
Starting point is 00:20:32 I'm telling you though good hang cuz I got there early so I got to hang with Lewis Dave Beatrice and James And then all the family came who is beautiful leave so but it was good. It was good I don't like you know you can't be appreciate you giving us that play by play there. It was raining. Yeah. What time was it about? It was around, I got there around 3.39 pm. You have a nice cup of coffee before you went. Yeah, you know.
Starting point is 00:20:53 So I'm gonna go- I got 16 text messages from Soda because he was standing outside of my apartment in the rain. And I didn't fucking leave my phone. This is what Lewis does. He just texts you his address like we live in the fucking suburbs. There's apartment numbers. I get there, it's pouring rain.
Starting point is 00:21:08 I keep calling Lewis's phone, and then I have to ask the guy in his building. I'm like, you know what, apartment, Lewis and Beatrice? You know that guy lives, he looks like a police sketch when he has his hood on. Where does he live? You know that guy you're terrified of when it comes in your building?
Starting point is 00:21:21 It's his home, he just points everywhere. Yeah, me. He walks, he walks like he's just points everywhere. Yeah, me. Scuffle Key. Lewis walks. Lewis walks like he's looking for somebody. It looks, doesn't he? He always looks like he dropped his keys. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:31 He's got that determined look on his face. Where's walking down the street? OK, I turned right here. To me, he looks like, are you the guy? Are you the guy? Are you just looking around looking for a guy? He's got revenge face. Thanks.
Starting point is 00:21:43 Yeah, you're welcome. I mean, you're an animal. That's just how it is. Lewis face. Yeah, thanks. Yeah, you're welcome. I mean you're an animal That's that's just how it is Lewis the animal steel Joe you comfortable. I scum was making me unbelievably uncomfortable He keeps getting up and walking behind me. I don't know what the hell is going on You have another fucking herpe dude. No, it was a fucking pimple. I popped it. You have herpes too? No, I don't have her piece to no, I don't have her piece to no, he's simple x2. No, but you have her piece. It's her piece 3 I gave that one Joe He cut out of that one joey The end of the slide here India the Jones right under that one and grabbed your hat
Starting point is 00:22:15 Joe don't don't get irritate it. Don't get irritate it. I'm gonna get away. There we go Don't get irrigated Fuck you have a morning show you Honestly smart words. Seriously, the way they're not really irrigated. That's the actual, really? After 9am, Janice's brain shuts down. That's true.
Starting point is 00:22:32 I'm not used to being up this time. But fucking 5am, it's... Wait, but wait, but wait! Ah! Good morning, Miami! Outside, it's such a, such a, such a, such a, such a, such a, uh! Whatever fucking, you know the bullshit you do at the point of Miami. Ah! T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t- Duval does what the hell's Millennials Millennials are people born in 1980 and after and most of them are specs. Yeah, okay
Starting point is 00:23:08 I got some You know Some he is the end double AC approved. You know what dude podcast and double ACP If they if they listen to this podcast they'd be like how is the whoa God? Let's just call this white guy anger Kelly Kelly is in studio on studio. She's on the chat by the way. Thank God I hope she's alive. She's gonna be pissed she's gonna be pissed Kelly will make a great manager I think quote unquote Kelly will make a great manager I wouldn't make a great manager nobody likes her. You don't like your manager
Starting point is 00:23:41 No, I think that was a polite way of saying she's never gonna make it in this business. I didn't say that. Well, what is that in my mind? I said she's gonna make it in this business as a manager. Yeah. Not true, dude. What happened, Lewis? That's God giving you that. God owes you about 49 more of those. Don't you think if Kelly cleaned up a little bit, you know what I mean up a little bit her body up she got on the girl code. It could happen Yeah, yeah, the girl code really is a nighting
Starting point is 00:24:12 Yeah, it really happened. Yeah, you could get you on. I mean, it's like all the like they edit you nice, you know You just say a couple of quips You sell all comedy clubs. Yeah Yeah, make your ex boyfriend really jealous and bitter. And make him move to Miami. And I can give up on his real career. Almost go goddamn suicidal. Start smoking cigarettes in the air.
Starting point is 00:24:34 Show us. You look great. You lost so much weight. It's like, I do. I stopped eating him. Just smoking four times a day. Yeah, smoke cigarettes and don't eat. I just sit in an unfurnished apartment in Miami.
Starting point is 00:24:42 That's the wind. I'm on the diet called thinking of her Yeah, there's no blinds I just pasted my apartment Go smoke cigarette something should be here any day. Yeah, it's not lonely down here at all not lonely Let me see if I can call John Moses who let me just go through the J's and see what friends that would Jet Moses. How's it going? Yeah, I know I've never called you ever Just want to check in just want to wrap. Yeah, you got me buddy I'm gonna bet it fucking APM every night I'm just sad not doing comedy getting up at four. It's fucking hard man. Do you can
Starting point is 00:25:15 Call me anytime buddy me too. I put it out there man. I Yeah, okay Text me first. I will guys. Yeah, if you could text me first. I mean Joe. We're good friends man I feel like we're pretty close. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, if you could text me first. Me and Joe. We're good friends man. I feel like we're friends close Yeah, I think so. Yeah, certainly closer than Lewis and I are yeah, absolutely right my friends in this in a water I would say dance order Sam marille right on us Lewis for scope. Oh Scopo didn't even make the cut on that one I always think that you're Robbie Bernstein
Starting point is 00:25:44 You're not the same guy Robbie Bernstein another comedian why would you do that honestly? That's like a Kelly for stuka-esque kind of day. Get me. Oh Fend everybody left Is this the opposite of name dropping what do we do? Where's Bobby what what is Bobby doing now eating No grain I think he's in Boston actually he's Damn great town wonderful town. Yeah, you still do that 12 minute bit about how you hate it Yeah, well, yeah, it's still got it in the rotation., Matt Damon was it it was here last night at the comedy seller nice guys friends of Tom
Starting point is 00:26:28 Yeah, boy, I'd sure like to know what it feels like to work at the seller. That'll be nice new that feeling before Fucking Kelly's like can you guys aren't reading this? Let's see what she says what the fuck of the chat? I don't know Kelly for stucco. They're not reading this. Don't be sad. Yannis you the shit. Oh my god I said you does shit This is she wants us to read her shitty quips. She's got more here. I'm listening and I hate all of you. Okay Hello someone notice me. I'm sick. Oh, can I just say hurt Notice me I'm sick. Oh, can I just say hurt her? She always kisses Yannis's ass Yannis and Bobby you realize she's like
Starting point is 00:27:13 Yannis got on TV and then all of a sudden she's like oh, maybe I can get on TV One time he was on real TV and she doesn't kiss it I'm not in Univision's minor leagues I'm not in Univision's minor leagues. I'm on MTV too. That's too. You can actually find his channel, barely. Yeah, you want to watch my show go to Fusion.net. We couldn't even afford a .com.
Starting point is 00:27:39 Yannis is so talented. Oh, Yannis, you're here. I love Yannis is so talented. Oh, Yannis, you're here. I love Yannis. Yannis sounds a little bit like Mrs. Doubtfire. Oh, you! Oh, I'll be your new Nanny. I know, it's Kelly for Stuka. She's gonna miss his Doubtfire or comedy career.
Starting point is 00:28:00 But you! She can get the wigs from Yannis though. Hey! Skopo! Skopo! Skopo! Skopo! Skopo!
Starting point is 00:28:10 Skopo! Skopo! Skopo! Skopo! Skopo! Skopo! Wow! Holy shit!
Starting point is 00:28:18 Yeah, it was good. That was like a finger in the asshole. I really didn't think I was going to like it, but I loved it. That was great. That was so good. Boy, oh boy. Finger in the asshole. I really didn't think I was gonna like it, but I loved it Boy who likes it likes eating asshole. Have we talked about this? I think a lot of people pretend that they don't really Love eating or getting it. Yeah, they pretend that they do and nobody really does Place where shit comes out. I don't stick my tongue in the butthole, but I do. You gotta go on like this.
Starting point is 00:28:47 You swipe it. Okay, first of all, this is the truth. Guys, fat. I eat pussy from behind, which by the way is my thing. Yeah. So I got my nose in the butt. You lay your nose right up on the top, like you look it over a cliff. Yeah, I'm like, I'm the neighbor and home improvement.
Starting point is 00:28:59 Oh, no, sir. Yeah, Mr. Elder, right? No, that's Dennis the minute. It's Wilson, just Wilson. It's just Wilson. Like you're a cartoon and have your head is just the minute. Wilson, just Wilson. It's just Wilson. Like you're a cartoon and have your head is just peeking up over a movie letter. We already got it.
Starting point is 00:29:09 By the way, this is a fact. Kissing a girl with tongue is dirtier than looking her ass off. Okay, thanks. She's not a man of snow. She's a snap of us. I don't buy that. There's more bacteria coming in. You guys are talking over each other happening, guys.
Starting point is 00:29:22 Let's take it. There's a lot of bacteria in your mouth That you don't have the same type of bacteria in your ass. I'm telling you really it's cleaner doing like an asshole look it up Really I understand you're telling us I like the people to say I'm telling you yeah I know that you're telling me that doesn't mean it's right doesn't make sense shit comes out of the Yeah, the seeds and do you know what happens when you don't wipe your ass and you know like burns and gets red That's because the bacteria fucking burns your skin type of tiny say bro. Yeah, I mean that's shit is potent Somebody look it up. What's whiter and asshole or a mouth?
Starting point is 00:29:53 That's why it smells because it's telling you to stay away from that even be dangerous I'm out for an asshole. Maybe Kelly can do that. Yeah, dude Lewis. Where would where'd you get this fact? Where'd you read it? Apple somewhere now, somewhere. Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere. Read it up, scrubbing the grip effects. Where you want to look at it? Guys, let me just say this. What is...
Starting point is 00:30:10 Has to. When has somewhere ever been wrong? Hold on. Somewhere. I'll never look it up. I'll never look it up. I heard it somewhere. Waiting, wait guys, it's time to read a compliment to Yana from Kelly.
Starting point is 00:30:21 ¿Sueñas con un futuro más allá de los estudios de grado? Gracias a las becas de posgrado en el extranjero de la Fundación La Caixa, puedes estudiar en las mejores universidades y centros de investigación del mundo. Tu talento te mueve. Solicitate a tu beca en Fundación La Caixa.org. Las últimas tendencias en botas, comodidad 10 de 2019 with 99, Daeshman, much for Andal. Read it in the voice Into the voice I can't do it. It's just the sound. Just stick with that queen Should be a driver voice voices like you y'all nice. I'm sorry. I know or talent At least my girlfriend didn't leave me for fame
Starting point is 00:31:19 At least I had a girlfriend who was hot who fuck me yeah one of those Minds pretty hot she's hot she's hot she's hot she's hot she's hot all right well don't introduce her to me because that would be great because she'll leave you afterwards yeah because she'll be like you know what I can date a guy with a normal lower body that's great
Starting point is 00:31:35 I don't have to date centaurist and a bar gets the upper body yeah I do not have that anymore yeah because your sadness and smoking whittled you down to this the bone structure. Scopo, you did not say anything about Jesse maybe because you used to hand out flyers for her. Yeah, I'm going to say the next thing about her.
Starting point is 00:31:53 You were employed by her pre-girl code. Louis, let's just have a look. He was employed by her pre-girl code. Was that one and one? Yeah, one and one. Yeah. When she was a nice normal human. Yeah. Yeah. Honest Dan tonight. I told you. was that one and one of one yeah when she was a nice normal human yeah
Starting point is 00:32:07 honest and tonight i told you uh... joke joke honest fact that joke he's never gonna make it in the i just said that i love kelly this by the way this on wiki answers so uh... but i mean this isn't what you know talking about.
Starting point is 00:32:25 The human anus or butt is actually cleaner. The mouth excreed germs, bacteria of more potent manner. But be aware of the fact that you are more likely to get sick from having someone's anus in your mouth and having someone spit in your mouth. That's the opposite of what you said, Lewis. No, it's not. Yeah, you said you're more likely to get, say it again,
Starting point is 00:32:40 repeat it. I'm more likely to get sick. You're not gonna get a pink eye for making that one. Don't react to an American on this. Don't read nag. Cool. I like that we're either all talking or nobody talking.
Starting point is 00:32:52 Well, because we're waiting for Lewis to repeat it. I'm saying you want it, if I can. I'm going to give that one up because that one's not. Oh, you're going to go to Yahoo.answer now? I already did that. Oh, OK. So you're going to go see what ask. But no one answered.
Starting point is 00:33:04 Doc, where do you guys feel I need feeling eating bud? What do I feel like? I love eating everybody and I think fans big fan of it Disoder gave you his technique and everything is preference. He likes to eat from behind Purchase nose over the top love that shit. I like to be eating it And then just give a couple a little really little breakfast. Oh, yeah, cereal and ass Little dog drink and water. I like to do it post-shout though. I like to be the one that scrubs out the butt. I want to clean it and then get in there. You get to clean it with your tongue.
Starting point is 00:33:28 How fast did he is of you? It's true. See, I know some big words. Do you know if fast did he is means? I don't, but I assume you're using it wrong. I think it means whatever you're not. I don't even think, he honest knows what it means. Just sounds good and fast.
Starting point is 00:33:43 Yonison is fucking day calendar of words. I don't, dude, nobody eats as as much as they say they do though. I don't eat a crack. Yeah, it's a brag. It's like one of those things. If my girl would let me eat her ass, I would eat her ass every time I went down her. I feel the same way.
Starting point is 00:33:56 Every fucking time. I believe you, but I don't believe those guys. What do you think you fuck you? I don't believe you, guys. I told you this morning I had a little taste. This is what you do. Don't do that, because this is what yana's does he tries to start dumb arguments that you can't prove he's one of those guys it
Starting point is 00:34:09 just says you're lying you're right when you it's just a fucking it's called started something why are you just joking why are you just being irritated that we've fucking started thirty minutes late and hate everybody you don't ever take entertain entertain look at the yana's not my full you got a barber's hair cut from nineteen thirty Energy, and it's a yada's not my fault you got a barber's haircut from 1930 Nice haircut. I'm gonna stop you right there. Joeless haircut flowing in beautiful. Yeah Look at your dumb dad hair looks like he's a fist a cuffer from the 1930s or a bartender Six is account. The honest is haircut very similar to Joe Joe's yeah, you know, I got a coma. He doesn't bar in the middle
Starting point is 00:34:52 You really do you a bigger McCracken before you lost all the yannis are trying to commit my hair I got fucking horrible teeth herpes You like look at this hair on this guy. I have golden hair going after the one straight I have golden hair. You're going after the one straight. I can't see anything. My teeth are just starting right out. My nephew is fucking hair. I never know that already.
Starting point is 00:35:12 My nephew asked me why my tear. Your nephew did? Yeah, I told him because Santa Claus isn't real. Are we allowed to do bits on the shoot? That's not a bit. He did a bit earlier. When he just said about my hair, is the funniest fucking thing anyone's ever said about my hair. What? That I'm the only dude with a hair who has a comb over.
Starting point is 00:35:28 Oh boy. Just the way my hair grows, I guess. Lewis, anything you want to jump in? Yeah. No, I'm waiting. No, come on. Still nervously chewing gum like a college basketball coach. Trying to see if that two, three is going to work.
Starting point is 00:35:41 Still figuring out how you can prove that the mouth is dirtier than the And somebody in the fucking chat room, please send us information about what's the what's what is more bacteria? The ass of the mouth. Kelly's Ticulous assertions you could ever make the ass holes the dirtiest part of the body. That's why shit That's like your hands are dirty in your ass you idiot. No way. You know what shit you touch all day Shit dude. I could shake his hand and probably like eat a piece of pizza with my hands after nothing happened.
Starting point is 00:36:08 If I took my hand every meal, I'll get in his ass. You're an idiot or put it on his ass hole. And everything we eat, there's people put their fingers in their ass to touch every surface. You have all ass bacteria is all over everything. I don't like pop a bluest fact. And he's just like, you know that, your mouth is germino than the asshole
Starting point is 00:36:27 You know if you eat everything you eat has poop in it The ass only exists to dispose of the waste. Yeah, that's the whole ass is thing It's it's just to the bad shit. It says in the ass garbage That's how the asshole is. It's not like you're sucking on my colon, dude It's your fucking ass meat. You can look a little ass meat and not get sick I never got sick. I have it either that's not the argument the argument is that dirty than a mouth which seems Kelly send us a picture of your asshole and mouth Kelly Kelly
Starting point is 00:36:57 Asset fuck them Joe I'd sit on those teeth. Oh We might get cut up a little bit of you didn't have sit on those teeth. Oh, we might get cut up a little bit if you didn't have. Like sit on a shark's face. One of those reverse-tired things at the end where you can't drive a ball. Is that a thing sitting on teeth? Oh, sitting on my teeth, baby. Ask me, it sounds like a Mauricia term.
Starting point is 00:37:20 Yeah, you need to get my ass me. That's a change to tell you. Get this ass pussy me. That's a thing change to tell you guys get this ass pussy me That's hey, how are you doing with bad Mauricio? That seems weird Give me another beer Oh god, oh boy Get your ass off of me
Starting point is 00:37:36 I'm telling you Mauricio danger Yeah, I like that I'm gonna be having beer fuck it Your ass pussy, oh Don't try to go to the washchester I'm telling you, wait pa let's get Sam some booze Sam gets really fun when he's done unbelievable chest Sam looks like like he's got Dave Smith body like super skinny But his chest is out of his world. I do a great. I do a great Sam impression do it
Starting point is 00:38:00 Pretty good Can't see in the camera My posture can you do it sit down? Can you do it sit down? Yeah, we're like okay? That's good. That looks like a sleepy baby guys fucking watch Sam's act like I do and then he always like we adjust his Stand you know like readjust that stand after the joke. Yeah, I like when he says yeah Yeah, and after a bomb. He always does another bomb. I noticed Oh, what do you mean? That's mean. What's the joke? Okay, Kelly chimed in by the way with the whole ass mouth things She said the answer is more germs in the mouth. However, it takes years for those germs to affect you Okay, thank you Kelly
Starting point is 00:38:37 So Lewis is still raw oil boy. I'm gonna trouble them now. How am I still wrong? I always said there was more bacteria in the mouth than there was in the answer You didn't say that's how what you said you said it's you get sick easy better chance to get sick i didn't say make it out with someone then looking at that's exactly what you said i will stand by that statement yeah that's what you said you get sick yeah there's a million different things you get sick by kissing somebody in the mouth for and there's almost nothing you get sick from looking so i'm not gonna lie i think luos aside in this thank you i Oh, and jeez jester skulls wrote in even if the mouth has more bacteria It's probably not as detrimental as the bacteria in your ass. Oh good point. Thank you doctor jester
Starting point is 00:39:13 Okay, first of all, I know jester skulls. He's been on my show before Matt go fuck yourself You're like 19 and your girlfriend's cheating on you whoa What did you guys take some truth serum before this episode? What's that thing that they give you? We have to say everything. That's so drowsy. Jesus Christ. Why would you say that to a man who's a fan? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yes. Because he's Lewis the animal steal. I'm going to introduce him like that the next seven of hosting on stage. Come on to the stage. Give it it everybody for Lewis J Gomez the animal steal
Starting point is 00:39:47 That doesn't make sense though You're supposed to say Lewis the animal yeah, I fucked it up. Yeah, I fucked it up I just didn't want to make a man because he wants the jailways in there. I which is retarded It's the most ironic thing in the world now you really think that's retarded Yeah, because if someone said I'm gonna introduce you to my friend Lewis J Gomez and you walked in? Yeah You'd be like, wait a second
Starting point is 00:40:07 Okay, but not until I get to the level where fuck is Louis Gomes? That's just the Louis Gomes Or, uh, fucking, uh, anything else But, Louis Gomes Yeah, Louis Gomes It's great name, that's a great name And it's a perfect people with that name But you're not putting J. Louis Gomes
Starting point is 00:40:20 First of all, there's way more than 150 Louis Gomes I'm saying, if you're Google Louis Gomes I'm saying, if you're Google Louis Gomes, there's one tenement in Lewis Gomez. I'm saying, Google Lewis Gomez. There's 150 Lewis Gomez. One tenement in Brooklyn. It's time when I saw the warning. If you Google Lewis Gomez, there's 18 baseball players in Lewis Gomez. But how many Lewis Gomez are running LOL comedy?
Starting point is 00:40:37 Zero. Nobody produces you. A bar. Nobody produces an LOL comedy. And everyone knows that. Nobody confuses you with the other loses.'t you try to fool me Beatrice is Jack Who is that fat guy that was on a J. Gomez not on access on caught live A bunch of Adam Salon movies I don't give you the
Starting point is 00:41:16 LA comic name Lewis Gomez and there's it's just such a common name like Dave Smith Should have went with Dave a Smith years ago now. It's just too late Dave Smith There's there's eight comics named Dave Smith It's a made up name. Yeah, I mean, just like what's your friends? Because this is a business dude. It's a fucking business. I'm gonna open a deli name fucking Cats is deli across the street from cats is deli I know it's a business. He lives in Miami and drives a Mercedes BMW
Starting point is 00:41:41 Whatever he lives this business because I understand the business like little Duval. Yeah, because he does, he has a demographic charts and he knows what millennials are. Lewis does research just like you do. Lewis, Jay Gomez. Lewis, Jay Gomez, the esteem. It just sounds like a perfect- And also Joseph A list.
Starting point is 00:42:00 What do you think? I am Joseph A list. When I, if I ever made like a movie, like I'm like a drama I'd call it a Joseph a list picture. I think it's a classy move. William H. Macy. What's your middle name? So you be Samuel Is it a Abraham or something like that? What goofy Greek letter does your middle name start always off by a letter?
Starting point is 00:42:21 Letter with those races my raises It's a one-two line I'm not a letter with those races My races are not by one letter today Abraham, not Ibraham? Abraham or something like that Yon this echo The echo of poppest Mine's even worse
Starting point is 00:42:33 Frederico's Christos Yeah, of course it is Yon is like a sandwich at a diner Wow It sounds like a sandwich But when I started doing comedy Sounds like a sandwich in a diner I got you excited for it when I when I started doing comedy sounds like a sandwich in a diner. I got you excited for it. But by the time I started doing comedy I had already like been practicing my signature since I was like oh you're booing my real-ass
Starting point is 00:42:54 dudeness. Okay damn. So you that's illegal you cannot boo his real-ass dude. By the time I grew up I I've been signing it like that so I'm gonna sign Lewis Jay Gomez and just be Lewis You're not allowed to have a middle initial if you pour a recon I'll take that wig back That was a fun stay Are you applying that was a joke? I don't know how to do it in character This is you know what the point is you have a little later with you for the week at the race's middle name
Starting point is 00:43:29 Marisa classy move my jacuz For a head she's a middle name come on bro. You're an actor. You're supposed to fucking live the character You're supposed to know what you have for breakfast that day as pussy What would be your middle name? Let's say without right now. My middle name, Elias. Ah, that's a good name. The after the general platoon.
Starting point is 00:43:51 Oh no, I made that up. It's not made up. I was almost, I'm so goalable. It's Elias who be get Abraham, who be get the son of David. And you're big as she is. Bigot is the word you're looking for. Bigot. Bigot.
Starting point is 00:44:02 We can't do this very bad thing. It's weird. Bigot, be get, be get, be get Abraham. Bigot, God, your middleot Bigot Bigot Abraham bigot God, what is your middle name Edward Richard Oh, that's why it is a good confirmation name too What is it again Edward Richard Daniel Daniel Edward Richard so and the Edward Richard It's hyphenated. This is three white guy names in a row. Actually, it's my great-great-grandfather,
Starting point is 00:44:27 my great-grandfather, my grandfather, and my father, that's how it goes. In order. You fucking asshole. Who are you? Joe Liz now. You fucking asshole. Yonness to Ziki sauce, poppest.
Starting point is 00:44:37 Look at Joe's calm down now. He's a more sedate. I'm very calm. I'm doing Buddhist. You've really calmed down. He settled in you were a little irritated at the beginning. Oh You you you push buttons, buddy It was me that pushed the buttons. You always push buttons. Why is that you're a provider? Tori, yeah, you secretly really hate me. I love you. No, see I love you the most. Do you think so?
Starting point is 00:45:00 What I think you're great. I think you secretly hate it. I think that you're a little less wise than you imply What do you mean I imply I don't imply that I think people think yeah, so why you mad at me about that people? I'm not at you. Yeah, I love you. So why would you even bring that up? You you just said I'm a little less wise than I imply When do I ever imply that I'm wise? You try to use big words and you use them wrong I haven't used one word wrong today. Reneg. Reneg is the colloquialism for Reneg. You just said colloquialism. Colloquialism.
Starting point is 00:45:31 And everybody knows it is Reneg, right? Everybody's in phone now. That's how you say it. Right fucking now. That's how you said it in New York. You say you Reneg, that's the deal. Reneg is the fuck. Reneg is the deal.
Starting point is 00:45:40 That is true. Yeah, when he said Reneg, that's the deal. Anyone Reneg on the deal. Ask anyone in the chat room they know them talking about because Joe Liz hates me All right out for me. He pointed it out Because you do hate me I think you're in people in the chat room who miss you's words. I think that you're great I'm sorry here about African-Americans, so I don't appreciate you
Starting point is 00:45:59 Misennunciating you do not care about Africa. I think you're great. We've had so many hard to heart So I wish that we would talk more. I care about Africa. I think you're great. We've had so many hard to heart, so I wish that we would talk more. I care about your well-being. It makes me worried that you still up in arms about this silly girl who doesn't even care about you. Who said I was still up in arms? I'm getting accused of a bunch of stuff that hasn't happened. I'll never hang out with you when you didn't bring it up.
Starting point is 00:46:16 Look on you. I haven't hung out with you in three, four months. You just hung up in the car just a minute. I'm gonna call Jessi now. Let's just hash this out. Where's my phone? What do you call Jessi on speaker? Number three on speed dials?
Starting point is 00:46:26 Ask her about bonin Pete Davidson I joked that she boned Pete Davidson on a show months and months and months ago And then Yarnis was drunk like two weeks ago. I get a text at two in the morning It's like a month later Jesse really boned Pete Davidson Pete, but in Pete's defense He does look like a guy that would sleep with one of his teachers., I can't like when they'd show you'd be like absolutely like this 29 year old Texas high school teacher at sexless students a picture of Pete has done lips I just know that at night's in he would not be able to control himself Remember nineteen dude 20 when you just like was sitting math class and like just Class of 20
Starting point is 00:47:02 Just 20 I went to come Brooklyn so yeah me too and I didn't have to take them out. I'm sorry. You're from Queens I forgot you're from such a class. You're saying we're dumb. That's what I'm saying You really throw your fucking big dick Brooklyn out there. Oh, I'm sorry for Brooklyn Where you from queen man hatten over here Sam or else? Anything provocateur. Yeahovacator. Yeah. Povacator. Oh, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:47:27 I forgot you from Queens. You piece of shit. Well, he was, I thought he was taking a dig at me being from Brooklyn. I'm like, oh, yeah. You know, from fucking the boroughs. From the boroughs, yeah. All right. Well, Sam's from the main island.
Starting point is 00:47:36 So I want you to met at him. Yeah, well, and Lewis is from the forest north of the city. I'm like, oh, man. Lewis is free to think of the city. Yeah. You can always think of it as the city. It's a city. You never think of Manhattan as a bro. You think of it as the city you know everything in Manhattan as a bro You think of it as a city and then the rest of the bar
Starting point is 00:47:50 And then this is from the wolf conclave upstate I was born into darkness Don't forget I was born into it I didn't see society when I was born and jerk, born and bought. I didn't see a society when I was over here when I was dude. And by then it was blinding. LOL! This comedy show belongs to you! He's the bane of LOL. Mr. List. Are you ready for your spot? Oh man, how's things going with you, Joe?
Starting point is 00:48:29 I like you. Man, yeah, you really turn to Charlie Rose there, yeah. Yeah. That's a good interview question. Wow, what a barn bird. Look, and Bobby does a really good job of keeping this thing moving. Right, right. Oh, get it.
Starting point is 00:48:42 What time is he getting here? He's not coming today. Oh, which I had done that. Things are great with me, honest, thanks for asking why we're on the podcast. You know what, wait a minute, hold on. It's New Year's. Why don't we talk about New Year's resolutions and what happens? I got a good game.
Starting point is 00:49:00 What's your game? I love one Joe S. You know, it's the Rose Thorn. What's that one? The BOOM. It's a bunch of BOOM. Every rose has its thorn. Rose Thorn. Rose has its thorn. Just like every cowboy sings a sad song. Every rose has its own. Lewis, what's your favorite band of all time? I've been a while now, and I feel still so much pain. What's this kicker really want to laugh at?
Starting point is 00:49:37 Lewis, what's your favorite? I'm not that pokes shoes the wound heals, but the scar! That scar remains! My first two concert, poison concert. But the SCAR! That's gonna be... SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII in the scholar he knows kid row we have shown some wild has a song go most call us problem child we are the youth gone well I like I like to lose brought up the New Year's resolution thing and Joe can't get this fucking thing at say it I just want more 80s metal if you want to see a skid row just check your local carnivals state fairs they might be playing a tent next to the bearded lady
Starting point is 00:50:32 All right, what's your new use resolution guys? Oh, he has a fucking game. Okay, fuck This is this is what y'all this is that y'allness accuses people of claiming they like to eat ass when they don't But then he'll do his thing where he's like skid row., I never heard of him. I'm fucking, I'm hood. I'm black. I know as he's a pro. I don't know Skid Row. I never heard of Skid Row. I never heard of Skid Row.
Starting point is 00:50:49 You never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row. I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once.
Starting point is 00:50:57 I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once. I never heard of Skid Row once. How old are you, Janice? 26. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:05 Yeah. Yeah. I'm in my 30s, Joe. Yeah. You know, I said turn that racket down when they have a number one apple. I'm playing that rock and roll music. It's a devil's music. All right, Joe, what's your game?
Starting point is 00:51:18 All right. It is Rose Thorn Seed. You go through the year. You pick, we go through each. You pick your Thorn. That was the you go through the year you pick we go through each you pick your thorn That was the negative part of the year at least favorite the shitty part the thorn It's a you know analogy like stab you in the dog good one the seed Well that will go last the rose is the is the is the nicest part the best part the part you enjoyed the most and then the The seed is what you're looking forward to that stem from this year. That's a good game. I like good game
Starting point is 00:51:45 You guys with Sammy we can start with Rose. We can start with Thorne. I see so with Thorne Thorne Thorne that's a bad thing from this year. You're at least favorite thing which we all know you fucking Lewis the animal Steve that's my thorn for this year Lewis party is farted in the microphone Yeah, yeah Just farted in the microphone and I think that's Kelly's microphone, too, isn't it? Yeah, it's my cover though. Yeah, I was your right that's the best smelling thing that's gone into that Is it one moment or like a theme throughout the year? Well, you know what thing if anyone makes out with that microphone
Starting point is 00:52:16 Did totally won't get a cold sound sure yeah? You're more likely to get a cold in your asshole for my tongue being in it As well as hot doctor Lewis J Gomez Dr. Gomez all right thorn Sammy Thorn from this year I mean how's it not what? No talk about the elephant in the room. We all know what your thorn is Jesus. I don't know if I was drinking block Yes Being a joke thief I would have to go yeah, I mean right we're all thinking the blog the blog man
Starting point is 00:52:49 That's what it's got this year. It was huge, but that's like a rose in its own right though Is it how much steam did you get from that? Yeah, but it cost me gigs on the road and shit It's it's I think you got more out of it than you then you then you you've got you got support from comics support from com but he got targeted by it cost me a few colleges and shit so that that's annoying but yeah that was that was annoying he told it took the bullet for everybody i feel like and i think comics took up from but he was the one who's the target
Starting point is 00:53:18 yeah it's i think i don't even think of you want to know how hypocritical it is i saw i retweeted a bonny Mcfarlane joke uh... the other day where she said i caught my little kid uh... i saw this yeah i caught my little kid uh... posting vines don't worry i've i've beaten her right and i thought it was hilarious
Starting point is 00:53:34 but you never hear anyone come up and i was like well as full of child abuse supporting child abuse culture child abuse happens all the time is it any worse i think a lot of it's a joke i think a lot of it's beyond the jokes on what they like i think this lady just didn't like me. I think she saw this. No, that's her career. So she looks for stuff like that to justify her existence. All right. Anyway, that's not your thorn. Maybe. Yeah. I mean, you had a lot of bad shit happen. You grow broke up with you. Well, that was that was that was that wasn't this year. That was last year. That was last year. I carried it into this year.
Starting point is 00:54:06 I carried it. Joe, what's your thorn? What do you talk about going in order? Oh, okay. Yeah, professionally, that was that like... So do so loyal. Now he may be like my thorn, Jesse May. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:17 He's the honest being hard-brook. I care that much. Yeah, comedy wise, maybe. I was still stuck up on Joe Getten Herpes. I'm fine with that. I'm mad at God for that. I'm fine with that. Mad at God for that. I'm good with this. You okay with that?
Starting point is 00:54:28 Yeah, that's my thorns a good year. So, I've had a great year, so no thorns, no, it's scary. Sorry guys, things are going really great. They're going pretty good. I lost my keys. Yeah. I had a five in my pocket. I went to grab it.
Starting point is 00:54:43 It was not the... My thorn was the cab driver took the lower level and so the upper level was the best to root and then upset me and then seamless was close. This is going to sound pretty, you guys are going to make fun of me for this, but. Me moving to Miami, I'm sorry I left you man, I apologize. They're moving L.A. Because I think I'm out of writing spot Not getting the daily show. Oh, oh wow. I was real hyped up. You're not getting more success Well, are you in the daily show? I put myself in there, you know, they applied to be a Correspondent and didn't get an audition even wow
Starting point is 00:55:20 Okay, I got real hyped up the worst thing that's happened you all year. I had the crazy year in my life I can't complain nothing else. Wow. I got real hyped about that. That's the worst thing that's happening all year. I had the greatest year of my life. I can't complain. Nothing else? Wow. I mean, no, I'd be a quick drinking. I got rid of that. That's good.
Starting point is 00:55:31 That's all that's good. Yeah, that's a good thing. Fuck. Quitting drinking in March was like the greatest thing ever. Have you guys noticed that he looks about five years younger since he started quitting, quit drinking? Nope, no. No, thank you guys.
Starting point is 00:55:41 That's because you see him every day, but you do look younger. Yeah, but before he looked like 10 years older. I did, everyone was like, I'd be like, I'm 29, they every day, but you do look Yeah, before he looked like 10 years old. I did everyone's like I'd be like I'm 29 the bike now You look fucking no way 37. Yeah, yo drinking ages you crazy. Yeah, it really does age I really think quitting drinking helped the rest of my year go great because I was getting into a new place You guys shit together. You got you shit together me. Yeah, I wouldn't but that's not really a thorn dude It was I would do that was pretty heartbreaking. I dreamt of not get I find my thorn is not getting a million dollars. Yeah, yeah,
Starting point is 00:56:08 yeah, I really suck. That's my thorn. I mean, you don't have anything else. It's gonna be a thing that actually happened. Not something that didn't happen to you. That's weird. So is it a good you the new girlfriend? Yeah, I got a great new girlfriend. So hot. I want to fuck. I've been in this meeting. Okay. That is so inappropriate. What? To want about this, I'm just talking to you. She's fucking sweet. She's gonna ask me, yeah, but this fucking, uh, that. You could have just said she's high. I didn't have to say the ass.
Starting point is 00:56:31 Don't you watch Guy Code? That's inappropriate. I need to go to my door. We need to set a talk about Guy partners. Don't ever talk about Thy partners, girlfriend, and friend of Thy partners. No, what I love about you, Y'all, I'm gonna take you to judge that.
Starting point is 00:56:42 That was Guy Court. That's fucking long, good. You know that, Kav. If I set it behind Dan's back, then it would be a problem. No, I'm compliment take you to judge that else guy court that's fucking long good You know that's how if I said it behind dance back then it would be a problem. Yeah, I'm complimenting damn. No, they're both wrong I want to eat your girls. Ask me Can I say you will not but thank you, okay? I was unexpected by you sure I said we're not we're just it's not rude at all. It's a compliment. It's a compliment now coming from Lewis Okay, so go up a speaking ape Amy want to eat your girlfriend's butt Amy
Starting point is 00:57:18 Ask me first time I saw Beatrice I really wanted to fuck her in the asshole. I believe this you didn't feel I saw Beatrice I really wanted to fuck her in the asshole. I believe it. You didn't feel like You didn't feel a little bit of a Little disrespecting me when he's full when Beatrice is working there and this before before people knew I was dating I didn't know he's dating her so I was like who the hell is that and they were like Lewis's girlfriend I was like what no that's not possible. No, I'm just about you. I'm talking about what deros it one time deros It was oh you gotta keep him away. He was talking to me. He's like oh, she's really hot I was like yeah, she's hot right dude and he's like, yeah, I was like, what would you do to him? He's like, oh, I mean, you have no idea. I'm like my girlfriend, bro I like how that he fucking Joe
Starting point is 00:57:54 Derozy just gets in there. He just kind of waddles over there slowly fearless fearless Weird alien mac and me next thing. You know, he's just somehow getting a stern cock sucking on a couch somewhere. Dude, Big J had the best line about Derosa ever. He said he looks like a fucking Garfield. What's his name? Dave. John. John Garfield.
Starting point is 00:58:14 John Arbuckle. That's the best thing ever. So Liz, what's your thorn, man? It's tough. The whole time I haven't been listening to anybody because I've been trying to think of my own. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, time I've haven't been listening to anybody because I've been trying to think My own Yeah, that's why I was yeah, her piece was too old But it gives a shit about Sam's thorn because we were all trying to think of our own
Starting point is 00:58:30 Yeah, so like the person who went first is the only person that gets like a real Thorn I'm still hung up that the soda has no thorns. I mean I got I Small shit, but I kind of guess who lists thorn. Yeah, yeah, you you can guess okay. I think not getting letterman yet Is that is that a thought well he just said that we couldn't do that? I did not know they're not thorns though no No because we always don't get you Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know by that you don't know how I felt that was upsetting Yeah, but it's not a
Starting point is 00:58:58 Thorne that's like that is a thorn. I disagree with you because that fucking hurts as the people in chat room Is that a thorn now getting more success seems thorny that fucking hurts. Ask the people in chat rooms, is that a thorn? List, is that not getting more success? Seems thorny to me. It's thorny. That's your thorn. All right, well, well, then it opens it up. Like Lewis is right, it opens it up out. No, it doesn't, because you can't just be like,
Starting point is 00:59:12 I can't get a million dollars with someone like I'm gonna give you a million dollars. No, so my thorn, if Kelly was here and she was like, that $4,000 gig that someone pranked me with, that was a thorn, and I agree with her. Because you, no, I can't be a thorn, because it was too funny. Yeah, yeah. That's the funniest thing that's ever been involved with kelly yeah but
Starting point is 00:59:27 luis is taking it to a completely different place where it's like oh i just i didn't get a million dollars no but you weren't offered a million dollars for the possibility of a million dollars and it's like i see on his career my thought was luis staying in new york i think no i think i think the last couple days i had a like horrible anxiety i had panic attack and it's couple days i had a like horrible anxiety i had panic attack and it's a crazy shop shooting pain last three days and i keep thinking that i've defeated anxiety and then uh... comes back comes back
Starting point is 00:59:54 again that's i think that's a good one that's a good thought yeah so i keep feeling like i'm doing everything right but it's still there i have a crippling why don't you try to just embrace the anxiety just accept that's who you are and that uh... the shop pain. It manifests as a sharp No, but I think it's because you're trying to fight it. I mean, you're just a neurotic person. No, that's what I'm saying That's the problem is I'm doing everything right I'm meditating. I'm writing. I'm sober I'm doing yoga telling people how much I care about maybe you're neuroticly trying to do too much because you're anxious to try to avoid all The anxious I'm mentally ill
Starting point is 01:00:23 I want to say something so bad. I'm so ramped up I agree with you and I don't like I threw mine out or is it oh Corporate Dan is the wrong nickname fucking my suicidal thoughts before he's hard line Dan when he gets ramped up I got some there is no If it's anxiety my suicidal thoughts can be a one All right, well, we all are fine. Well fine. I have my friends this morning who cares Just you be funny. This is revealed how awfully depressed the Lewis was he's like yeah, like we don't think about it ever 15 What is it? I gotta get this out. Here's my thorn. I fuck pictures, and I want you to know it This is a great window into Louis
Starting point is 01:01:06 First and I love it. This is it This is a window into Louis you go like this. Hey, I got a fun game within four seconds of him learning of the existence of a game He's like that's against the rule Lewis the animal steal Lewis the animal still Four minutes I'll explain I want more definition on why the Daily Show thing hurt was because I was like oh it's because my manager was like Yeah, you know straight white guy. You don't really have any flair. They're not looking for that and then I get on the Phone with Nate and Nate's like yeah, they offered me an audition for the Daily Show, but I said no
Starting point is 01:01:40 And you make a George W. Bush these are we will find terror We will eliminate it. But that was like, oh, fuck it. Like it was, because I'm not good enough. Well, let's talk about Nate, let's talk about Nate's rose for a second. There's no thorns on that rose. It's just a beautiful fucking rose.
Starting point is 01:01:56 Shizz is that he's not rich yet. Yeah, he's like, I don't get the respect I deserve. Yeah. All right, let's get to Lewis's storm before he kills somebody. But Joe, I think it's a good thorn. Oh, thanks, to Lewis's store before he kills somebody. But Joe, I think it's a good thorn. Oh, thanks, but I think I'm fighting through it. I'm doing my best.
Starting point is 01:02:10 Well, I'm fast. Who's such ass-worthy? Are we just such asses? We're like judging each other's fucking hardships. You just have to have a heart-chip friend, buddy. What? I hosted. Fuck you, dude.
Starting point is 01:02:19 Very interesting. I'll fight him. I will fight him in his gorgeous torso. Thank you. He's fucking Michael in his gorgeous torso. Thank you Fucking Michael Phillips torso It doesn't have a swimmer body cut Lewis. What what year did you get that tattoo? I might try to guess your Thor My Thorne You better have a good answer after you just took him apart
Starting point is 01:02:43 But I really should have thought For it's not a fucking Thor I was trying to engage with you Thorne I'm lose Jake Gomez I'm fucking civilized I'm not monster I'm man It's a fucking compliment I want to look at ass me I'm giving a guy a compliment
Starting point is 01:03:02 Which is a compliment That is a compliment. Super hot. That is offensive. Um. Why are you like PC honest is my favorite character. That's not even PC honest. Is that like that's for palo Chris.
Starting point is 01:03:15 Come on. If I like went up to you, like the girl you loved, that girl would fucking broke your heart if I went yet. I would like her. He always brings her up. He always do notice it. He's a provocateur. He's a her up. He always do notice it. It's weird to hear you.
Starting point is 01:03:25 He's a provocateur. He's a provocateur. You're a provocateur, you're on a same. You can do it right back to him. Yeah. My wound's a little fresher. Yeah. The stitches, you can still see the stitch.
Starting point is 01:03:35 I don't see it. I think it's for first hand seeing the pain. And that's why it's not bringing up. Janus, you saw my pain firsthand. I did, yeah. I saw it in a few nights drinking. You really got it in. Guys. drinking. You really got it in. Guys, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:47 Guys, late at night, it was not pleasant. Yeah, guys, this is turning into Lewis's thorn. Right. What's your thorn? I think my thorn is the fact that I put on all this weight again. Oh, good thorn. Good thorn.
Starting point is 01:04:01 That is a gross, gross thorn. Yeah, can I, can I change? It's a big thorn. That's the least sharp thorn on earth. Can I change my thorn to Lewis Gain, you know that one? His retired bouncer body is upsetting. Yeah, I fucking, we had the baby and it was so hard to manage time. It was a lot of other things.
Starting point is 01:04:20 I've been so busy with my career as well that it just hasn't been, I think when I first got in shape, that's not a thorn. Your career is I think when I first got in shape That's not a thorn your careers are a thorn. No my career is a thorn me getting a be being fat his career is a thorn I That's a good thorn you fat and it's a thorn Coming back close. Well, I'm not having any call except for this beer for the next 2016 before I go on this cruise Me You're working cruise ships now I am looking Scope what do you want to play forget to bring your visor or your hat?
Starting point is 01:05:10 I don't know I guess I fucking fight depression like you Joe. Oh, thanks Emotions as your thorn I think that's fair. I fucking as long as you can become worse I think I'd be a little more specific though if you did the emotion Lewis thinks about his career and then he's like oh, yeah Pretty much got his got it on the devil on the fucking thing right Lewis has 1950 style of parenting. How are you sad? Get rid of it? How long you been doing comedy a little over three years? Oh, I feel like that's not a good thorn Yeah, but you're doing well man. It's about your career. I didn't I didn't start making a living the fucking 10 years
Starting point is 01:05:41 Yeah, three three This fucking part of it. It's only part part this is where there's no pressure at all Just fucking enjoy the ride now, yeah, but you know what it is I hang out learning from someone who's still there Hop on board with me buddy. Yeah, this trying to long-term You can't move up cabins. I talked to everyone You got to go stow away the whole trip God, I feel like this show is Taekwondo for your feelings Just like you come out of a black belt of not being able to feel anything
Starting point is 01:06:12 Nothing come and give me your best shot. Don't feel it. You mean you mean cake one though Joe's on fire Joe's on fire Stop guys, that's too hard. So scope what is it? It's your depression you pray because you know I hang out with a lot of older comics guys like you old Making a living old you know, but you make a making a living at this. So it's like oh I see all you guys making a living. It's like oh I fucking still have to go home to my parents house We started ten years earlier. Yeah, but it's the sock scene. It's okay. He started the catch and then happened.
Starting point is 01:06:47 It was sign fell. You know it's never good when you get a text from your manager slash comedy club owner who goes, you want to tell me what happened? I got hammered last night. What happened? Anyway, I'll do my Thor and then we'll talk about that. What happened with that chick the other night, by the way? Which one?
Starting point is 01:07:03 The smoking hot one that came over to you. Oh yeah, man. Rose is in seeds to get to. Yeah. What happened with that chick the other night by the way which went the smoking hot one that came over to you Oh, yeah, man roses and seeds to get yeah, what happened with that? Well, you know we're working on it Okay, he was smoking hot. Yeah, well she all my she a fan of marisa. Yeah, oh she is Yeah, I've always said she looks like yeah You When you used to do the shows at Times Square Arts Center, and uh, let's see, I passed up to, Oh my God, and I was the white guy plant. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:28 Um, you remember, oh my God, there was like one show where it's just, uh, the Latin girl after Latin girl was like, I love your yannis! And you're like, all right, baby, come on. We get a picture, she's like, oh, you sexy. I'm just sitting there, fucking pounding Corona's watching you like, Oh, yeah. And then like, that's the white dude they called you on stage I'm like I'm
Starting point is 01:07:48 a legitimate comedian but you planted Dan in your show yeah oh it was great what was what happened though like what it was like 200 bucks yeah it was like yeah it was like the before I was corporate Dan you had to go on stage and just he had to stand this was great this is my one of my favorite stories he used so I to stand in the audience where it would like Look like she could spot me like I might have walked into the room to watch I So I had to look where Yana's could see me and then you'd be like, oh, I'm looking for a white boy
Starting point is 01:08:21 You who's this right here? I'm just here to watch the show And then I'd be like I'm from Ryan, New York and everyone back that's what's just And I'll be like yeah, what you from and then they would just go see we go out for a new york and they'd go crazy It was almost it was crazy watching him walk in as Mauricia the first like Weekend he did shows was like watching fucking Hulk Hogan walk to the ring it It was crazy. 86. I mean, people were grabbing at her. It's fucking nuts. So this is my favorite story. So there's the show one late night.
Starting point is 01:08:50 And I'm pretty hammered because, you know, I'm not doing comedy. I'm a fucking plant. And it's a Saturday night. I have no sets. So I'm waiting for you. But I remember like, I remember like Jesse had to have give you a talk because you were like upset about that. He was like, look man, you're a good actor. Just do it for five seconds. Jesse's like, I remember like Jesse had to have give you a talk because you were like upset about that. He was like, look man, you're a good actor.
Starting point is 01:09:05 Just do it for five seconds. Jesse's like, yeah. And Jesse, who's, he honest is not the ex girlfriend, but his partner. He was like, yeah. He honest only associates with people named Jesse. I was doing just shot after shot. Like, dude, I should be doing spots.
Starting point is 01:09:16 Why am I not doing spots? And Jesse's like, yeah, you make it some money. You're having fun. We're being funny. And I'm like, it was driving me nuts. Yeah. So it's the last show I'm doing. And I'm like, waiting for you to spot. So it's the last show I'm doing, and I'm like waiting for Yannis to spot me
Starting point is 01:09:26 in this dude in a wheelchair that's clearly an ex-gang bang. Oh yeah, that guy, I remember that. And the guy fucking goes right in front of me of where I'm standing, and I have to stand specifically to get to the stairs to go up on a huge stage at Times Square. So I'm sitting there waiting and fucking Ricky from boys in the hood won't get out of my way,
Starting point is 01:09:43 and he's just sitting there and Yannis is like, who are you? And the song's like, me, man, won't get out of my way and he's just sitting there and he honest is like, who are you? And the song's like, me? He better fucking love you. And I'm like, no, no, no, man, he's talking to me and he's like, I'm gonna fuck you, fuck you, white boy, he's talking to me. Yo, what's up, Maurice?
Starting point is 01:09:55 I love you. And I'm like, no, no, no, man, I gotta get by. I gotta get to the stage. He's like, yo, my fuck you, white boy. And I'm like, oh, god damn it. And then I like, I'd like sneak by him and get on stage and I was just, I remember being sneak by and make it on stage. And I was just, I remember being beat red and fucking furious on stage.
Starting point is 01:10:09 Because I just want to shit on this guy, but I had no powers. I was a plant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the girl I appreciate, you were great at it. But the girls that used to walk up to him after the show, I was like, crazy. They look like fucking low rider magazine, Jacks.
Starting point is 01:10:20 And then hold on, was this whole thing he honest his thorn? No, no, no, no. He was assigned to a guy. You know who was great at that, by the way? The great. Graham K. Who's unbelievable? He had the big glassesorn No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no my family my dogs the whole thing Yeah, yeah, but you know, it's gonna grow into a rose so I don't know That's not how that works. No, I see it's gross. Yeah, the ones are just there to suck. Yeah Right as he claims to be Sammy. What's your rose petal? You said it dismissively he had the biggest thorn. Yeah, I know but we got to pick up the time and you're like this It's easy girl. It was like talked about it enough. I think he's kind of right. Yeah, we not talked about Jesse
Starting point is 01:11:11 I mean, it gets it yeah, it's Christ everyone gets it you've handed it like a fucking champ though man I disagree, but keep going You know, he quit comedy moved to Miami. Yeah, like a champ quit comedy. I got what they call it television job It's true. Yeah It's called way by in the morning Highlight of the year Highlight of the year. Highlight of the year. It's hard to pick an individual thing,
Starting point is 01:11:47 just hanging with my friends. Oh, I find an individual thing. Just me and Joe Mackey sitting at a diner, you know? It's Sharon and Corona. That's my highlight. You know what we do? We can get our own beers, you know? Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 01:12:01 Something good, something good must happen. What's the best thing that happened you yeah this year Fuck just steady sailing in mediocrity, huh getting into the seller That was actually last April not not this April still being booked at the seller you want to go with that one now How about how about having parents just look at Lewis that's a that's a big rush a big How about having parents just look at Lewis that's a that's a big Come from someone it's also you feel anything nothing But what about like the point of the game when they get close together I want to put my face in beer truce is beautiful pussy
Starting point is 01:12:34 Well, look it down guys the compliment Absolutely, I'd love to take it from behind wrap my hand in her hair. We're working on roses over here. Trying to make a real thorny. I just love that he thinks that's a compliment. I'm trying to think I Montreal was a ton of fun. I don't know. Yeah, I'm on. Yeah, but it's not the actual new face It was the actual week of just getting hammered and having fun. But you got it. You went to Montreal. Yeah, that's huge I was a go on. Those who don't know comedy. That's a big deal. It's a big deal you got it. You went to Montreal. Yeah, that's huge. How is it going? Those who don't know comedy, that's a big deal. It's a big deal.
Starting point is 01:13:07 Louis will be there in five years. Yeah, big deal. In five years. Let's get real. Montreal's a big deal. I got absolutely zero out of it. Yeah. It didn't really get to anything, but it is sort of a ride-a-pass.
Starting point is 01:13:16 That's not your dance soda. It's like a stamp saying like, here's a crop of the new funny guy. You know, it's like a stamp. It's like a stamp you get, right? Yeah. Yeah. People get to have out of it. Sam got an agent soda got a career. Yeah, you did you fucking murdered it Thank you murdered Danny boy. My rose meat my girlfriend The star you would break my heart wait what but still ahead
Starting point is 01:13:41 Really yeah, it's gonna end so badly. Oh my god guys Guys with your music good thing. She's an actress, right? Yeah Like his laugh You know what you thought for 2014 Let's go back yet my drinking problem re-emerging Yeah, you're never gonna believe this I got to watch me and math McConaughey. It's a four-hour love flick You know such a good kisser on set Dylan McDermott or the other option is
Starting point is 01:14:10 Phil Hartman's story remember that oh Yeah, his wife killed man act killed his kids at the Neckill the she she quit her acting career could her acting deal with the fact that he didn't realize her dreams I think no, I think I think what happened was he had an affair and he told her and she murdered him and then her. And she also was on a lot of blues and drugs. You know that story about her earring swinging in the beginning of the show when they go through?
Starting point is 01:14:33 It's Phil Hartman. They show everyone, he's like a dinosaur, a woman with her head back. And her earring is swinging because the director had to yell at her to turn her head because she was facing the camera the whole time. She was like a psycho. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:44 And they were like, you need to turn around. She was pet. I didn't hear anything about a fair. I think it was more had camera the whole time. She was like a psycho. Yeah, yeah, I know. And they were like, you need to turn around. She was pet. I didn't hear anything about a fair. I think it was more had to do with that. It was jealousy. Yeah, she was a jealous lunatic. Well, I think my girlfriend's very talented, so I'll be jealous of her and I'll murder her.
Starting point is 01:14:56 Now, let me ask you a question. What's gonna happen is she's gonna get a role in a like a three hour romance with Matthew McConaughey. We're done. It's gonna be like a love story, where she has to fuck, why can't you feel it? I didn't feel it. I can't deal with screen. I can deal with that seriously what because I went through it like how do you get?
Starting point is 01:15:09 How do you think it's not your girlfriend made out of a con no? It's like that if somebody gets some success it changes the dynamic of the relationship I'm very supportive of her so I don't if it does happen You know I told her I was like you break my heart I'll just end up becoming one of the greatest standup comedians of all time. There you go. Win, win, like that too. So it's just, well, I, you know,
Starting point is 01:15:28 I stay together forever. Okay. No, I think it's a win, win. And I think if that does happen, then you have your answer. It's almost like you're lucky. You're like, oh, this is the type of check she is. If I get to stay with her, if she stays with me,
Starting point is 01:15:40 if she stays with me, because that's really what it is. If she stays with me, you're in, you're sold. I'm fucking lucky. You gotta fucking a fucking what are you talking about dude? What's not that horse shit keep it fucking sexy real love you do last dude. Okay. Yeah, you she's not going like I'm fucking giving this guy Welcome to love Jones with real ass dude You walked into the party yesterday The one chick was like, who's that guy?
Starting point is 01:16:05 Which party? The my son's birthday party. Then all my good friends were invited to. And the one girl was like, oh, who's that? And she's got a girlfriend. I was like, oh, yeah, and then I said, she's really hot, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her
Starting point is 01:16:15 ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her. And then I said, oh, yeah, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her
Starting point is 01:16:23 ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to eat her ass, I want to But also look like you lift wood so you're like a combination like a country guy you look like a blue collar fantasy Also, you're successful, you know guys. I think this is my rose My beautiful funny smart nice you got a face like you know how to live wood or like you know throw a line into the water and catch a fish What do you need you need me to main line something? Yeah, you have that you look like you you Do you need me to mainline something? Yeah, you have that. You look like you accomplished stuff in the wilderness. I can clean out your garage.
Starting point is 01:16:47 What are you doing, Scopoge, exercise slowing down the flow? He's being a nice host, y'all. I think Y'all has actually turned into Bobby pretty well. I'm doing a job at that. Yeah, what are you doing, dude? No, there's not that threat of imminent danger. If Y'all is.
Starting point is 01:17:01 Voice when asking Scopoge. If Y'all is gained eight pounds, it actually looked like vomit Give him the fucking wig that wasn't that good. It's pretty good. I'm looking pretty sexy and svelts I put that on you little fucking 1930s bartender hair What's your rose? Oh, boy, just so many roses. You know what I mean everything came up roses Congratulations on your year of sobriety. Oh, thank you. Yeah, no, seriously. Dude, I could not be prouder both you guys made. Oh, thank you guys.
Starting point is 01:17:28 You're all welcome. Listen, unbelievable. I am proud. More proud. I am proud. I am proud. Really? I'm going to do me proud of list.
Starting point is 01:17:36 I'm proud of list because he's sober. I am a poppin. So I'm proud of you because you're sober. Yeah, but you quit drinking. Yeah, you are a soter. That's a big thing and you quit Cigarettes, but the drinking was big because you were gonna you were gonna die There's no way you wouldn't die from drinking no way. I remember walking into to cabin one the bathroom at cabin
Starting point is 01:17:56 That sounds like oh what else Pukin when you just yeah, you just puke and they wouldn't like yeah, you're puke in Pukin rally. Yeah, I was peeing. I was peeing and then you came in and just puked behind me Into the bowl and then you went out and just continue drinking your beer. Yeah, I was like that's when somebody just has a problem Yeah, I was I was pretty good at drinking. Yeah, but yeah, what's your rose you guys are great at it? He's a good one. What a fun one Fucking Rose ADD Yannis Sorry, let him say his words. Sorry Lewis. If you ever really drank with Sam. Yeah, he's not that Colable gets confrontational around drinks nine. Yeah, that's I'm saying the best I can find that you get let me tell you Sam about other people Sam is the best opening drunk game for Asian girls that we're like he do he Males it. Oh boy. Yeah, it's what's up. Cunt. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no? What the hell? No, this kid is really good. You know, I'm such a cheesy one,
Starting point is 01:18:45 but he goes up to this girl, he's like, hey, what's going on? And she's like, I don't know, he's like, come on, hey, yeah, you. He's like, I don't know, he's like, I just can't, I don't know you. And then she laughs and they sit down and they talk, but a minute later, Sam's got his hand out her tent.
Starting point is 01:18:58 I'm like, Sam, stop touching her. What are you doing, dude? It's good. And plus you love Asians. I'm weaning often. I'm getting sick of them Yeah, right? I'm that's one of my room sure improvement for 2014 is to accept people for who they are and I'm not fetishized them. Yeah, yeah, I'm being a better person. Yeah, I went through a hard period that stemmed out of I mean yeah, it's stemmed out of me going for like I need the exact opposite and I'm weaning off
Starting point is 01:19:24 I'm good now. You guys think I was a Greek fetish for Jesse made the John Stamos thing, you know Take yet another Greek boyfriend. Did you really yeah, he Davidson's Greek On their boy who's just pounding her out. It's not really Animal you have no Civility you don't deserve the J in your name. That's why that's why I don't want to call it From now on I'm gonna out of spite. I'm gonna say coming to the stage Louis fucking Gomez Yeah, cuz J is a gentleman. That's a gentleman J. Gentlemen. That's how yana spells gentlemen with the J You want your rose?
Starting point is 01:20:01 I guess right in the cell cellar. I don't know. They both have words working here. I started working here. Yeah, that was great. That was great. Big news. I've never seen so many people excited to see someone get past as Joe list. Oh, thanks. There really was just a buzz in the olive tree where it's like he's in. He's in. He's in. He's in. He's in. Fucking deserves it, man. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah. What are my favorite? What are my favorite? If good, if good comments aren't working at club, the club should be embarrassed. Joe lists one of my favorite comedians out there. Oh, thanks everybody. You can always watch us set. A lot of fans.
Starting point is 01:20:30 I got a lot of fans this year from this podcast. Yeah. And you know who you are, lady. Lewis, what's your rose? I mean, what's this? Maybe, too. No, it was last year. I mean, I guess it would have to be, one of two things, this podcast has been
Starting point is 01:20:48 a really big rose for me. It really has, it's like, I could never imagine this podcast without you on it. You're fucking so good on this. Someone Tyler Norcal tweeted out, he said 2011 MVP, dance owner, 2012 MVP, Joe Liss, 2013 MVP, Louis J. Gomez. Oh, I actually demand a recount
Starting point is 01:21:07 i think i think i don't need to be nick now his voice on the it's that i don't mean like literally voice i mean that your comedic voice just works for you know what he is he's the uh... he's the head henchman you need a good bad guy he's a good bad guy you know the bad guy that you got to beat he loves being a bad guy he's a good that comets me good bad guy. You know the bad guy that you got to beat and he loves being a bad guy. He's a good bad guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. I think Lewis is getting really funny. Thanks, man. I think that should be a part of the road.
Starting point is 01:21:30 You've been saying that to me for three years. It's getting there. We're getting there. Mine was a zing, but then you had to say getting, which is why you think that he's not a backhanded dickhead compliment. No, it's not. I mean, getting really funny. I didn't say getting funny. I said getting really funny. Yeah, it was the point. But you see someone who you really you fucking hate me joe you're saying getting funny i said getting really funny
Starting point is 01:21:51 yannis don't just try to change what happened to make your point joe kiss by rollo oh yeah that was a good time this up is like me yannis there's a name Yeah Is it about cooking Scopo your rose I wasn't done with my rose. I yeah, we got it Just the podcast Yeah, we got it. The park. It was just the park. It was just the park. Yeah, honest things. You're decent now.
Starting point is 01:22:25 It was getting management. That was a really big deal. It was a lot of staying in New York. Staying in New York, it really, all this, I've kind of like helped my confidence, which helped me get over a hump because I was very close to, I don't say, this is a quitting comedy, but I was pretty close to like just really just, I mean, I'm selling posters for Nate and L.A. Mr. Bargots, you can't sign that for me. To 1799. He's like. Yeah, Mr. Bargats, you can't sign that for that. It's $17.99.
Starting point is 01:22:46 He's like, hey, Lewis, we're in out of ink on this sharp thing. Sure, Mr. Bargats, you moving to LA? Sure, I'll come with you. Yeah. Oh, Mr. Bargats, the world's going to be yours. Sure, I will, boy. Our kids can play together and everything. Hey, we'll be friends.
Starting point is 01:22:59 Sure, we can't. Sure, we can't. Right, boys. Can I get you a soda? I die in Mountain Dew with some dip, Mr. Bargcats uh... what do you want to tell you the score alright scope of your rose uh... it's got to be the show this fucking show has done a lot this is the biggest thing that's i i'm back in when i see in this room i'm like he doesn't deserve this
Starting point is 01:23:18 yes uh... i mean i agree i don't just say something i think i'm gonna call this episode truth serum god I mean I agree. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. You're very cool. I've never seen you coming. You're a sco-po- I'm not honest. You take it right away. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it.
Starting point is 01:23:30 I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it.
Starting point is 01:23:38 I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. I've never watched it. Like you know Chris go bow he does obviously 12 minutes in between yeah, and then he Do this I can do time. Yeah, and then I thought he worked at the bar that was cleaning drinks He was like what's your name funny guy?
Starting point is 01:23:53 But what's your name and I was like oh Chris? Fucking guy coming stage funny guy This couple really looks like a fucking bar back They was coming to clean up. I think every time he walks to the room we should go we're out of Budweiser You're a great set at LL last night That wasn't there, but thanks That was Robbie Bernstein I think something was coming on that. You guys are getting good
Starting point is 01:24:21 Joe's on fire. Joe's on fire. Joe's on fire. Lys, Yannis, what's your rose? Oh, man, my rose. Is it your internet show? Ah. Ah. Your web series.
Starting point is 01:24:35 Is it the new web series? Is somebody mistaking you for Latino? No, I would say, yeah, I would say. Not seeing your dogs anymore. Oh, Jesus. Lewis. For the jugular. That's the name of his dogs, Jesus and Lewis.
Starting point is 01:24:50 There's Latino dogs, there's more or something. Where are my bodies? Is Louise? I think that the Rose is awesome, I break up. Because through my break up, I've strengthened friends. But, well, he had this plan the whole time. It's his Rose and it's his Thorn. It not like it being a deep can I just be honest here Politics be like a nigga
Starting point is 01:25:13 I'm not I eat Greek yoga I'm telling you I got an airspot Politics be like a nigga I'm telling you I got an airs pussy politics be like a nigga Politics be like a nigga Never said that It does encapsulate I think your rose was punching that woman in the face. Oh, that felt good But that was last year That brought I brought in the new year that was last year seed That was right. I brought in the new year with that. That was last year seed. That was right before the new year.
Starting point is 01:25:46 Yeah. No, I really do believe that. It's strength and friendships. I feel like it's making me a better comic, better person. So it's really. Plus now you're getting all that Latino pussy. What? The same hashtag.
Starting point is 01:26:00 The same. Hashtag need deep and some Latin trim oh Sam what's your what's your seed? What is what is seed again? What you're playing looking for what would be planted something for next year me and Joe Mackey we started the walking podcast It's I wish that was on the fuck god damn it y'all this is not a walking podcast anymore That was what it shows that what your walking podcast didn't work out It was that was a portion where we take a walk and actually it was good, but I, it's too cold. I can't do it in this weather. It's very cold.
Starting point is 01:26:29 I don't like the cold. I get allergies in this weather. Oh my, it's no fun. My hands don't work. It's no fun for anybody. No, I, I, I, I, I, I, Florida. Honestly, a couple of things, yeah, a couple of things I'm forward to next year is just, you know, I start my own podcast. That's been a ton of fun.
Starting point is 01:26:49 It's gonna be fun for people on it. Yeah, I want all you guys to do it. Yeah. I'm doing it tomorrow, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gonna be great. It has some great guests. I have been invited. Well, you are invited. You want to come tomorrow?
Starting point is 01:26:59 Tomorrow? He wasn't invited to Reginald's birthday party today, so... That's true. Reginald Jay birthday party today, so Reginald Jay I mean, yeah, so that's that's exciting. It's been it's been really fun and Got some good feedback lately, so I'm excited about the podcast. I'm excited about just you know Get on the road again in January and just you know just Becoming a bad guy. This is an acceptance speech at the creek in the cave, just becoming a bad guy. Right, this is an acceptance speech
Starting point is 01:27:25 at the Creek in the Cave. You just want a cookie word. You know, just, you know, I'm feeling the buzz a little because I've been eating it today. Oh. That's what happened to me last night. I know exactly what happened to me. I mean, you know what I was talking about last night.
Starting point is 01:27:39 Now, but before that's what Chris just said, he said, you want to tell me what happened? It was brutal. I was hosting and I couldn't stand like I got so drunk I was hanging out with the girl at the bar and I just banked bank and bloody marries with no food in me at all and I had like eight of them and then I got I thought I could handle I got up and I couldn't stand so I went up on stage and like I couldn't speak I was like holding the wall I was seeing three it was
Starting point is 01:28:02 brutal and then like so I could I could barely host it was so bad. Christine was like you want me to call Derek can you get through this? Yeah, if you're fucking going to Derek games you know there's a problem. I don't know you that I didn't eat anything. Lewis the animal. He's the one. Lewis the animal. Lewis the animal. Lewis the animal. Lewis the animal. Lewis the animal.
Starting point is 01:28:30 Lewis the animal. Lewis the animal. Lewis the animal. Lewis the animal. Oh, you hear that daregates? Fuck come on boy. Fuck come on boy. Fuck come on boy.
Starting point is 01:28:38 He's sweating. He's fucking an animal. So yeah, I just got, I hadn't eaten anything. So that's why I always said. Yeah, but the bad place to be, that's why I was six out of seven nights. I get off my restaurant job and I'd be like, yeah, I'll do a shot in a beer. The next thing you know, it's fucking 130 and I'm just one eyeing everybody. And I was like, oh, I mean, I had three more spots than that.
Starting point is 01:28:49 I ate and then I did the spots. I was better, but just I was fucking it was at 7 p.m. He was fucking forgetting who he was. He was going in a more recent. I know. Like left in her. No, they said like they all the cops. I didn't know that, but don't, don't, don't.
Starting point is 01:29:03 I think it was Ari was on. Ari, the male Dante Nero Rachel finestein and they were all just fucking Gigan on me like that supposedly I tried it one joke. I tried I tried to tell it four times I just kept bringing it up. I didn't finish it. I kept going like so anyway guys like this Like so anyway guys like this When you go through a break up you guys done that before have you ever repeated? Yeah, one time material on time Yeah, it's fucking hard. It's so bad. And there's that moment light I don't realize it
Starting point is 01:29:31 I've done it with like a lot of short jokes and I'll go into it and then like why what you guys don't like that No, you've already you've already told it I've done the setup twice and then I realized it in the middle of it and you gotta go like yeah You make up a different puts on all together I just remember this British lady. You've already told that one. When I was hammered at standup New York and I was like, yeah, I know, but I like it so much.
Starting point is 01:29:52 I want to do it twice. And then I was like, I went to the bar, I was like, shout out to James. I'm gonna forget about that one. So wait, who's a Cedar Rion now? Thank you. Man, what's your scene, bro? I think my, I think my seed that I planted.
Starting point is 01:30:07 With my girlfriend, things are on there. Things are just kind of a proposal this year. Nah, not this. Yep, probably. I think it was a, it's a good show. I wouldn't do that. There's no reason to rush that. I think it's a mixture of my not drinking
Starting point is 01:30:20 and finally feeling like a headliner on the road. I think that's the seed I'm excited to go out now because I can do, you know, 60 without fucking sweating when you're bombing. I can do 60 while bombing, which is pretty good. Yeah, feels normal. I like to think. No, it's not.
Starting point is 01:30:38 I'd like to thank San Antonio, Kansas City, and Marco Island for getting me over that fear. Marco Island, that is a great place to feel the heat. For Patrice and the opening for you in Santa Antonio. I want to put you on a thank the guy doing the Patrice O'Neill impression in San Antonio, burying me. Well, it was a dude that was like doing Patrice. He did like basically he was doing his act.
Starting point is 01:30:58 And I was like, hey man, you're like doing Patrice. And he was like, oh no, man, I'm just inspired by him. You're all inspired by me. Y'all are a vessel. Yeah. Yeah, that's not. What he meant to say is like, yo, in the black rooms You're I can do in Patrice and he was like oh no man. I'm just inspired by him. I'm inspired by you all my vessel Yeah, what he meant to say is like yo in the black rooms. Nobody really cares about that No, no, oh you watch this HBO half hour special Yeah, but you'll never read any jokes. They just have a book of jokes. They all use that's just that's just a negative stereo time There you go, Morrell.
Starting point is 01:31:25 So yeah, not drinking and feeling like a headliner. I think it's a good seat. I'm excited to build a new joke in 2014. Well, you're a monster, so congrats. Thanks buddy. Everybody in this room is a monster. List, you see some of us more literally than others. Yeah, no, Lewis is the physical representation of big monsters.
Starting point is 01:31:43 Yeah, no, I'm not a child's man. Lewis is such a good guy to have as a friend. Yeah, he's speaking of monsters. There's this little fucking cruise show. My cruise show on a bright now. Where the camera is about to take over the YKMD podcast. That ain't gonna happen. Right now.
Starting point is 01:31:55 Joe, what you're seeing quick. My seat is I'm looking, I'm working on a cure for herpes. Uh, I have a big thing of porridge that I'm just stirring at my house. A big kettle? Joe's current cure for herpes is honey. You're okay with this, right? Yeah. What? Never mind. All right. What? Joe, you're giving me that bandana. You're in it. You know how like to beat like a lot of the guys in AA go and do performances at like AA meetings. Why don't you tap it that her? Why don't you you tap? Yeah, you know when you're just wearing hard on your face.
Starting point is 01:32:26 You're hilarious. Like, no. Why don't you tap? You're like, yeah. You're eyebrows and a perfect mask. It's hilarious. It's hilarious. Why don't you tap into the herpes groups and stuff like that?
Starting point is 01:32:40 Yeah, I should get in, maybe I will. You're a role model for that. I don't think there's a lot of herpes. You're all needing other herpes groups. There are like websites and stuff like that. How do I should get maybe I will roll model for it. There's a lot of your own meetings other herpes groups They're on like websites and stuff like that. How do you know support groups? How do you know? Let's just say oh I am you in the house three oh five son. Oh stop it. I don't like your local fucking Yo, you have been down on that street. What's this?
Starting point is 01:33:03 K-1-0-3 Yo, yo, Well, I'm a heatham. I'm a heatham. I'm a heatham really are you really a heat fan? I'm a heat fan. Yeah, you're a He's a fan. I'm a heat fan. You're a piece of shit. I'm a heat. I'm a heat fan. Fuckin Because I'm a grown up and I made that decision to root for a champion. Why? Fuck the next the next will never be anything with fucking Dolan. Yeah, he's a Will never be anything with fucking Dolan. Yeah, he's a Spoiling rich kid, you know, but you don't go You're every you know go to the fuck every year Fuck you dude. You leave when that's my five game. It's over Fuck the nicks. Why can't I get back into the arena? I want to watch the
Starting point is 01:33:59 Over time I'm a bunch of Funga Shit man. I cheer for anybody. I am a fan Yana's called What a bunch of Shit Funky family fan And you're not and you're not oh dear. Are you a heat fan? No, I don't there you go You if you want to leave the next five you don't go to Miami You don't I can't talk to you with that on your head right now, okay?
Starting point is 01:34:21 You don't go to my Move I live there my I live there I live there Sam but I live there Yeah, but you know what you're like Can I just be an adult and root for the team and see you I can't yeah, honest because there's a thing online that tells you if you want to leave the nicks How you have to go about it and there's only a few teams you're allowed to go to it's like the timber wolves No, not Brooklyn can't do the nick fan of fucking one year's am the timber wall yeah y'all doesn't have to do the nigger boxers nuggets nuggets are loud it has to
Starting point is 01:34:53 lessen coffee jokes for good jokes everyone just forget the idea of jokes on this show let's start yelling about basketball you fucking oh yeah you know, I Lewis the animal Sorry guys, we got to wrap up so Lewis can just yell about What did you see the way that fucking leg broke in 16 fucking places? I like Louis shocking. He's doing Lewis doing Dickey V He's like this was quite a braver That was a spinning heel kick Nobody fucking saw that coming. I love it. Nobody fucking saw it coming. All right, Lewis We're so what's your seed?
Starting point is 01:35:29 You know, you see Jim my seed is fucking quitting this podcast after the last four minutes That's brutal that might have been the worst eight minutes in the history of the fucking podcast Sam Morrell fueled Nic Loyalty's fucking psycho You miss my nigger-bucker joke and you guys all failed I caught it Well, Janice is the host I blame him well, you know and he should be telling me to put him in heat fan on the air He should I was bullshit. I'm with Sam on that one. That's fucking bullshit I'm out we could have told him that it was bullshit one person at a time Yeah, if I knew that if I knew that was true
Starting point is 01:35:59 I before the bugger that wouldn't even brought that out of control That was fury I care about the show and everyone's just yelling at the same time we just Blood out all about listeners to the six people left my seed is trying to have sex with you whether you're a man or a woman can you throw that wig back to him I thought I stole my head is all bad, was it? What's your seat, Lou? Um, is it a bad joke, like Joe's? I think my seat, um, I think I, I think, you know, getting, getting one of my management, you know, we have a lot of cool things that we're working on right now.
Starting point is 01:36:38 I like working with a production company because I have a lot of ideas, so I like being able to go to somebody and have somebody that knows the process of getting shit on television, so I feel like it's gonna really set up a lot of good things for 2014. I hope your TV ideas are better than your tattoo ideas. They don't know who he is, they used to talk about some dude. This is some fucking Russian. This is some Russian cop came in. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:37:05 I worked for a criminal. This is a criminal. You were a great Eastern promises, didn't you? He produces the Hammer Fist, he sure. I'm really sorry you lost in Round Two of Over the Top. Oh, he's a producer, the show? That's right. In-turn producer.
Starting point is 01:37:20 He's a producer, I'm right. He's 54 years old. I don't like calling him an intern, it's weird. But. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! time. He's 54 years old. I don't like calling him an intern. It's weird. But Oh, Oh, I'm getting earlier as they come in. Kelly for still could just walked into the building. What are you doing?
Starting point is 01:37:35 I'm busy. I've got to like watch some people sit to a Montreal. I'm managing a lot. We just said that. I can't believe it's true. What did you know he said there? You know what? Actually just signed with Kelly. I got We just said that it can't believe it's true You know what actually just signed with Kelly I got high hopes Kelly takes 75% What are you doing Kelly except for me except for me? Right right wait you came all the way to do this Kelly. I didn't say nothing
Starting point is 01:38:17 Yeah, she's a nice person contrary to what he doesn't fill them up have to wrap up so finish the fucking seeds Yeah, Kelly doesn't go pro seed. He doesn't write it down. He's sick Why would you write some Dan did not mean what he said. Not at all. It was a joke. It was a joke. It was a joke. That's from Bobby. You're not on a mic.
Starting point is 01:38:30 And it's just the worst sounding podcast ever. Yeah. Bye, Kelly. Bye, Kelly. Be safe in Australia. Yeah. Yeah. He ate himself to death.
Starting point is 01:38:38 Oh, God. He's fat. Guys trying to live with it. Yeah. All right, Lewis, what's your seed? I said it already. you were texting your jerk Dick move It was like serious Lewis too
Starting point is 01:38:56 We're good couple good projects that I'm really like my management right now It's couple good project. I got my eye on a couple of roles Test me. It's really exciting to have somebody believe in you. Oh! I love motivated Lewis though, but I just smiled on my face. Lewis calls his manager, Dad. That's Dad.
Starting point is 01:39:21 That was the joke. Yeah. I'm fit to be giving a knock on my hand. I'm gonna do it, but heaven. It's a Ryan was the joke. Yeah, I bet you're me. I'm fit to be giving a knock But I'm gonna do it but heaven to Ryan for the city. Did heavy weirdly calls his dad dad to everybody It's like okay guys horrible down Fucking psycho it's creepy so bad came and say I was like dude. He's not my dad You know my dad he's back. I thought he died in 97. Oh my god. Gary So scopa what's your thing? What you see from Quage Dance?
Starting point is 01:39:47 I ain't staying doing disco, but I want to be a really good comic this year. So no, I got some new rims from my car. You know, I get some things done here. I'm looking to save up, get a new pair of jeans that don't get worn out from my cheeks, rubbing against the denim. Well, you guys pretty much said it. No, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:40:08 Just fucking getting funny in and I guess we'll be in on the show. That's not a seed. It has to be something that happens in my shoe. I don't know. That's going to be next year. Maybe doing more road shows, maybe getting management. I don't know. Lewis, stuff like that.
Starting point is 01:40:19 You don't understand the seed. You're not allowed to get upset about people breaking your balls. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I'm talking about I don't realize I'm getting upset. Yeah, you just he comes out Get upset here. This is what we do here. We hurt feeling I say scoop scoop scoop scoop scoop I think Chris I think I think Pup scoop Pup scoop
Starting point is 01:40:48 Chris Pup As far as like we were talking about this is like jujitsu for your feelings. He's a fucking white well Fucking white belly cannot take anything Hold on there is no white belt Is it a pullout program? Whatever it is. Is it supposed to be the one fucking taking the most shit and just taking it and he's getting a bunch of shit? By the way, if you think that's the case, Kelly's going to hate me for the rest of her
Starting point is 01:41:11 life because of what I said. You just said she's going to have a great career in this business as a manager. That was the best thing she's ever done though. You have to be understanding that Montreal line. That was great. That was great. But you know what's going to be happened? That's what you call a backhanded column.
Starting point is 01:41:23 That was the greatest thing she's ever done in her life, but I'll tell you this. I know Kelly It's gonna she's gonna tell Bobby and then it's gonna get weird and the next time I come in for this podcast She's not gonna look at me or talk to me and she might have a dancer that's gonna be a manager That a fucking hilarious joke. Yeah, well, no I'm funny when you said it it was real serious Well, no, it was a tough time when you said it. It was real serious What do you do when I was your back pedaling on the joke? Yeah, you're trying to play yourself as a fucking martyr Because he cares about her feelings. Do you know he does it?
Starting point is 01:41:52 That's the point. Yeah, he should do. Yeah, and you know what Kelly's Kelly's getting fun here from what I hear right What I hear you Fuck it. You haven't heard her comedy. I mean you well you posted a vine video of her killing and I heard that's proud Rory she she does actually she does really well with the course Kelly date me for two and a half years I'll take you to the top. Yeah you want to rock it just fucking let Yana's put himself inside you. What's your seed? My seed is not in Jesse May. And I'll come full circle circle you fucking sniper as dick It is to show I'm doing down there Florida. I feel like I'm really building something and so
Starting point is 01:42:33 Hopefully it grows into something great what a tolerance to waking up early 305 only oh shit literally literally 05 only oh shit literally literally literally the only way to go five The honest is the only one can contract you Take a sip of water and then put that wig over that dumb hair cut out to fly tire not a bomb a little different Yeah, the only one obligated to his seed Honest you've been down south too long. Let's don't get wigs. No, you haven't heard. You know, you know, you've been down doing TV for no one too long.
Starting point is 01:43:13 No, no, no, I wasn't in something nobody. No, no, no, no, just get him your water list. All right. I think I'm gonna hammer Fissy show starting. So okay, we don't care. And I'll do this goddamn podcast for another hour Yeah, you just so many couldn't do hammer fishing, which is an hour that's starting right now because you have a show I do have to go I'm gonna stand up New York at 1015 Welcome to hammer fist thing did you see that like breaking I may Josh Barnett getting stood out stop it's I can't pull it I was fucking ridiculous I can't Was fucking ridiculous I call it motherfucker
Starting point is 01:43:47 This readman you can't call it I should have I should have put money on it because go mad pushing me to put money I'm the best one the I'm the the dark horse of the heavyweight division of the UFC I'm standing up why you standing camera and I can't shadow box sitting there. Wait you beat our overream. It's unbelievable How long we been going? I'll start over him. It's unbelievable. I'm American. How long we been going? I'll read 38 minutes. Oh, we still what are we supposed to do? Two. What do we think we're done? I think we're done.
Starting point is 01:44:11 You were done. Yeah, we're not bleeding over in a hammer fisting time. Oh, okay. I didn't know the hammer fisting. Well, if we started on time, would be fine. Why are you looking at me, Joe? Joe's only speaking to guests. I guess it's.
Starting point is 01:44:22 I'm sorry. A scope or ran out. I'm, I'm just. I'm mad at scope. Oh, but I could's only speaking to you on the guest host. I'm sorry. A Scopo ran out. I'm just a chat. I'm a man. A Scopo, but Scopo's a good enough friend for me to project at him. So I have to yell at you. That's a good point. And you're the co-host.
Starting point is 01:44:32 Yeah, but I mean, I'm the co-host on TV. The co-host on TV, if the production starts, ladies and I'm my fault. No. No, I'm on set. I gotta have a TV show production. What's up, though, in your fucking Miami bullshit lingo around here, your showbiz terms. That's not my only go- That's the best showbiz.
Starting point is 01:44:44 I'm on set. I win now. the best showbiz I'm on set I went now I'm just saying I'm on set. That's what that means I'm on guys It's rapid out. Let's wrap it up poop scoop. All right guys put yourself in there Bobby Bobby wasn't watching this at all I did not get one text from Bobby. No, he's in care about his own podcast. He's in Boston No, he's the general manager. All manager. Well, he's the owner. And also, I tell you what, part of my rose is this fucking show. I love this show. Me too.
Starting point is 01:45:11 I love it. I think Bobby is a semi-reve. Been a rose for three years. Yeah, it's awesome. I love it. I kiss by rose on the game. It's one of the funniest, it's one of the funnest hangs. I just spend like two hours laughing.
Starting point is 01:45:23 Most fun. So that's it. Happy happy new year right to the fans this is the new year show though it's live right now I've watched it's live right me new year guys you know you break she's gonna cost you to it you know I don't know if I can do anything for the pants the main lines out It's always something extra to you. Yeah, it's something extra. Not for nothing. You look at it. You got to get new wipers. Yeah. Full in. The flow is not going to be alternated. You're alternating.
Starting point is 01:45:52 Shut your main line. Your main line. You know, main lines problem. But thanks for coming out for Midas Fushing. And service agent Chris. Feel free to go to Midest.com give us a rating You know, we love to be if you became a local museum go match Okay, thanks so much for listening to why could have you do
Starting point is 01:46:20 We've all done my name is John as Christos Papus God They're lent twice that's bombs You know whoever holds the wig last that's you doesn't hold it. I put it on my likes Dan I love you Sam real yeah, thanks for listening everybody Sam real I love you Joe. I stand so everybody Louis Gomez whoa Louis J. Gomez. Louis the animal steal. Ho ho ho.
Starting point is 01:46:47 Ho ho ho. Chris Coppo. That's it, right? Yane Pepe. Yane's Fidico's Crito Papa. Yane's Pepe. Guys, two in, so wepah in the morning. Whatever you get it, cheers.
Starting point is 01:46:59 Yane's from Wepah in the morning. My enemy got a lot of the wind guest. Anchorage, Alaska or Miami, you can get this show. Hey, Yannis is next rose for next year will be a weatherman in Jacksonburg. He's been slowly working his way back up to New York. Actually, we can weatherman. All right.
Starting point is 01:47:21 Beautiful. Good luck. Good night. Good night, everybody. Fun hang. What up, YKWD fans, it's Scopo here, aka Willa Bud, aka Scooby-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo real fast first off Amazon come on guys everyone you all know this Amazon.com if you got to buy something why not buy it to Amazon.com you know what go through Rycast.com backslash Robert Kelly Kelly click the Amazon button you know what bookmark it so we can make more money so Bobby can make the studio better so they can be better for you guys and change bookmark by sending our listeners to this link Amazon Amazon will kick back a little percentage of the purchase
Starting point is 01:48:07 to the show, you know, help us out a little bit. There's no cost to you at all, and has some great pricing options for electronics, apparel, computers, books, DVDs, a lot of things. Amazon's awesome. I just got a new pair of boots off Amazon. I actually really cool a lot, check it out. So once again, go to rycast.com, blackslash,
Starting point is 01:48:28 Robert Kelly, click the Amazon button before you shop. All right, next one, GameFly.com, everybody. Come on, Ryecast has partnered with GameFly, rental service, GameFly, giving our listeners a free 15-day, two-disc offer, a 2295 value. Try the new Grand Theft Auto 5, I played it amazing by the way. The last uh, last uh, us or the Apollo game for us, as long as you want for a fraction of the cost of the game, GameFly.com offers 8,000 video games for PlayStation, Xbox, Wii, and now your PC.
Starting point is 01:49:06 Just give it a free try if you like it, keep it if not canceled. It's free. 15-day, two-disc free trial. Go to GameFly.com, backslash, YKW, FOOD for a special offer to our listeners and get a free 15-day, two-disc trial. We'll go to Rycast.com, blackslash, Robert Kelly, and click on the Gamefly link from there. Also, last one, tweakedaudio.com.
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Starting point is 01:50:12 DADS! Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desesperan. ¡Fliparás!
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