Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Two and a Half F*king Hours

Episode Date: December 17, 2012

Dan Soder, Big Jay Oakerson and Paul Virzi join Robert Kelly and Kelly Fastuca for a marathon episode of YKWD! RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Ma mal, a Madrid.

in all your devices. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? On the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Hey there, fans, if you know what, dude? If you wanna bring in the year 2013 the right way, then there's no better way in catching Robert Kelly's two special New Year's Eve shows

in McGubby's joke house in Timonium, Maryland. Join Robert and kick in a New Year's Laughing with an open bar, a champagne toast, and even special packages available for a one night stay. You can go right from laughing your asses off at the show with Robert to make it some sweet New Year's love to your date afterwards. Tickets are going fast, so go to robbercullylive.com right now and get your tickets for the McGoobies New Year's Eve party with your boy Robert Kelly for a night you do not want to miss happy New Year Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee join Dave and his A-list comedian pals that they provide play-by-play commentary to the grainy cheesy absurd and utterly classic pornography films from the 70s and early 80s. Dave's got

comedians like Jim Norton, Bill Burr, Joe Rogan, and Arty Lang mixed in with classic adult film stars like Nina Hartley, Vanessa Del Rio, Seika, and more. So check out Dave's old porn with Dave Atel on Showtime. There is a night at 11pm. So here's another episode of YKWD podcast. I took a break from playing Xbox on a fine Saturday to do this new little thing. It's called an intro to the show. I'm going to be doing this from now on. Let you know what the show is going to be about, who's on the show.

I don't know. It's just a little something show. I don't know, it's just a little something different. I want to try it. This week we have Big J. Ocasin talking about his metal cruise he went on, which was pretty funny. You know, Big J's always great on the show. He can talk for fucking days. Sometimes you have to literally tell him to shut the fuck up, but he's hilarious man. He tells us about doing comedy on this fucking cruise ship and he got blown off by Sully, the lead singer at God's Mac, because I told them I was friends with a guy, which I am. I'm not his best friend, but I know him and he tried to use my name and he got a nice

hot one, but we got Paul Verzy back on one of my new favorites really good guy Solid guy funny guy He was a reference from Bill Burr, you know, told me about him But actually apparently new Paul from a long time ago, but he came on he had some stuff some issues He really couldn't talk about because of legal ramifications really but we talked we got an interesting conversation towards the end of the show about rage and fighting and all this crazy stuff man you know and it was interesting really interesting stuff the show is a little long it's a two and a

half hour show just to let you know. So if you have to bail out of it halfway through, I get it and come back to it later. Let me know that too. I'm trying to do, maybe I was thinking to do the shows an hour long, maybe an hour and 20. I don't know, I have no fucking idea.

So email me, let me know what you think about these two hour shows, two and a half hour shows we're doing. You like them? Do you not like them? YKWDRIKES.com. You guys have any questions? You got any critiques? Please email us at that email address.

Also, we get Kelly for Stuka and myself. And Dan Soda, a.koda, aka Monster Voice, came back, which I was excited about. So happy, his career's fucking blowing up. He's doing Conan soon. We're gonna give you that date next week on the podcast that the night you can tune in and see Monster Voice kill it on Conan.

I'm very proud of him, man. He's coming up from, I mean, when he started the show, he was a goddamn waiter. He would come from his waiting job up the street and smell like tacos and now he's doing Conan. I love that. I love it. It's great. So This one's a good one. It's a little long You know Whatever so so hope you enjoy it and that's it the So I hope you enjoy it and that's it the the YKWD podcast with Jay Paul Versey Monster voice Kelly for Stukin myself begins now

Hey gang. This is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Liri. This is Opie from a lot of things This is Bert Chrysler. Staying cookin. are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what, dude? You know what, dude? If you bippy, bippy, bippy, bup, dippy, dippy, dippy, dhyah, yabba, dhyah, bada, badoo. Dude! This is Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude?

You know whatin dude? Really? Alright, yeah, well what fucking Roland did really I don't fuck around on one of this fuck what are we a real show a real radio? Yeah, right we're coming We yeah, I'm fucking in You know what unless you want to start like a real radio show you want to do that? We could image that'd be awesome imaging what the That's like what they play in between breaks. How about this? How about this? Kelly, give me your, um, give me a beat.

Give me a shit. Give me your plug, Kelly. Give me a beat. Bum, bum, bum. Give me, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that hear it. Yeah we're not gonna hear it. Here we go. Are you ready? Oh I can't do it. Yeah. Do you know how to use it? Why? Oh never go. Oh yeah. I'm gonna massage from somebody. What'd you get? Big J. I'm on the road. What the fuck's that mean? I don't know. I mean anything going so try to say 45 J he's like ah you know me We knew you on the show

Hello, this is pretty hilarious. Yeah, watch this. What's here that humming sound? Yeah, yeah Like this ready gone. It's a fan. It's a fucking $2 fan Show, row is the whole show What the fuck what just happened? All right, maybe we won't fucking start the show now I still can't get you into an internet. Oh fuck you don't really exclamation point. I mean if I don't need it I don't know that I figured out like you know what I'm sick of this I'm just doing the show okay Right Paul that's it last week was a fucking nightmare. Well, isn't it? No, he may get going. Yeah, getting going. Oh, yeah, fucking nightmare

All right, you're listening to Big 103.5 Come on, we're the Robert Kelly in the mornings. I really fucking, is that what you used to do? No, I didn't, but I mean I used to do shit like that. Let me sound play a little bit. I know what this is I'm a place to play Well I thought my pickin' would set em on fire And no fire em' wanted to hire a guitar man What are we doing?

I could carry them in I said, what song's meant to them? They did it for the love Tell a story to the people Yeah I thought, don't down the panicked most It started checkin' out some of them all night bar the people. Yeah. Good. He ain't good. That's what he did.

He also got hepatitis. My animal city. We don't need it. We don't need this one. I need someone that can perform a task. Not a guy that plays a guitar. Yeah. I've got a sighting with the guy he's arguing with in the song.

Yeah, that guy's running a restaurant. He doesn't need some guitar player. He's bus boys. But then he showed him what he had. Well then, and in this case, I feel wrong. Yeah. Two chords. Yeah.

Here we go. Oh shit. Come on man. Come on man. I'm wondering how many like drunk real pieces of shit this fire is up to hit their wife. Like, oh, the tar man. Damn bro, get in here. I'm going to get him.

I'm going to get him. I'm going to get him. I'm going to get him. I'm, get in here. That sounds like a bum that can just play the guitar really well. How the fuck is this make money ever? This was hit. Wait. You bought a house because of this song. ever? This is... This was hit! Wait! You bought a house because of this song. You know what this is?

No. Come on, you ready? I know nothing about shit like... You don't know who this is, ready? Here we go. This is the guy who wrote this song. One of the baddest songs ever. Ever.

He's standing down! Okay. He did that big truck, dude. This I heard, yeah. I heard. Yeah. They say can't be done. Oh no. We got a long way to go and it's sure time to get on hand. I'm happy now. Do you listen to this shit for real? How you do? You too? This is not real. Yes. They'll remind him of breaks. Let it all hang out cause we got out of runs of it. Oh shit. And it breaks, let it all hang out cause we got out of runs of it. Oh shit. The boys are thirsty.

Hey, where's my cousin? And there's Bear and Texark cannot. We don't think it's bad for a man or what. It takes Eastbound and now loading up and trucking. We'll do, we'll say, say, can't be done. Oh shit, he bought it. He's on it, he's on it. I don't know.

Who the hell am I? I'm in there. I'm in the hell am I? I'm a heavy man! I'm a heavy man! Watch over there! We really should have been a Southern sheriff. I'm a Southern sheriff! I'm a Southern sheriff! I'm a Southern sheriff!

I'm a Southern sheriff! I'm a Southern sheriff! I'm a Southern sheriff! I'm a Southern sheriff! I'm a Southern sheriff! I'm a Southern sheriff! I'm a Southern sheriff! I'm a Southern sheriff!

I'm a Southern sheriff! I'm a Southern sheriff! I'm a Southern sheriff! I'm a Southern sheriff! I'm a Southern sheriff! I'm a Southern sheriff! I'm a Southern sheriff! You five James Mouth so I'm mouth so I'm your mouth so I'm here enough of that shit I don't know what's happening I'm getting into country music. Are you really somebody? So I told somebody else who's getting older going. You know what? What it's not bad? Nate and I went to the country music hall of fame. Well, he's a fucking red neck, though. Dude, when I was in Cleveland, Kenny Chesney was playing the Brown Stadium and fucking

Cleveland just flocked. I was unbelievable. Oh, yeah. Chesney's a... Dude Chesney made $70 million, like, makes $70 million a year. FYI, Paul Versey, back on the fucking show. Yes, man. Thanks for having me back.

Monster Voice, my big baby boy is back on the fucking show. Yes, man. Thanks for having me back. Monster voice my big baby boys back This fucking guy, I'm just bring light to the show, baby. I just love seeing your body. Just bring light to me You know, it's happy your Bobby and then we get Kelly Fistuka. Hey mate. Who look who's looking good? You look you look you look you look excellent. Yeah Well now you don't with those fucking creepy eyebrows when you hit Kelly the first person ever who who texted me mate You look excellent. Well, now you don't with those fucking creepy eyebrows when you hear gay thanks. Kelly, you're the first person ever who texted me mate. I just, they just, hey mate, I was like,

all right, yeah, that's not you. They are. I shall with the thanks. My, my fucking, my manager calls me from the road. Yeah. And he goes, I fucking love it. You know, serpure, fucking love it. I'm like, what? I'm like, I'm getting ready for compliment. He goes, server fucking love it. I'm like what?

I'm getting ready for compliment. He goes that fucking episode with the the chicks. I thought I was gonna fucking it's fucking great. Really? Yeah, fuck the donkey. He's not gonna get a sign you relax It's our way out. Yeah, it didn't give you a fucking ten minutes. It's gonna be like to be you! That's hilarious! That's my way out baby! Oh shit! No! You're counting us down. No, it's just someone likes me, that's great. So really, they like me. They really like me. Yeah, they um, he fucking loved it. And I got it, look man, I know there's some haters out there.

I get it, I get it. I get it. I get it, being a guy and listening to fucking three, how many chicks? There was four of us in Rob's brains five chicks Five three hot chicks and one Good-looking chick. Yeah, doable and then an ugly bird Oh, sorry about sprays is doable. Wow. No, I thought my Kelly is doable That's cuz you're my daughter. Why would I don't leave?

Fuck if I had to if there was gum points How did that go with all you girls good? It was fun Catty No, we got too comfortable and just like really cackled over each other But it's because we're really excited. Yeah, you guys did good. You did fucking good And he was like I fucking love it. They were talking about how fascinating and women talking about taking shits. How fascinating. Yeah, I mean, he thought it was fascinating

because all these young support, you know, kind of whatever hot chicks are, we're talking about shit that fucking, what the fuck is that noise? Oh, plug that in, honey. Hang on one second. People live, why? People listening, hold.

It's not it. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. I like it hang on what Coming from where I Found it Bob the fucking magic man. You make it work. I'm the fucking Badoosa this show. You do everything We're all the hats. I'm the fucking producer Kelly plug it in go now go quick one shot go I'm the producer if I do so is that like a filmist I fucking hate why are you hanging? I look at your back to five. That's what I said here's a deal. I had acid reflux

If I don't have it one one of your jokes, it's because of that. You take medicine for that? I do. Yeah, I do. What do you take? Hang on one second, guys. I unplugged that. It's fucking killing me.

It's not working. What do you take? I don't know. AZT? Yeah, it takes some shit. It's AIDS drugs, by the way, guys. Did you get the AIDS agent? How am I supposed to know what's in an age concert?

You got to get AIDS. Why would you even say that? Because you fuck cheeks without condoms. No, I don't. Do you really? No, no, I bag it up. I know. I bag it up.

I'm a hoppacondria. There's no condom. There's no condom that fits his weird dick. How do you know his dick is weird? Because it's fucking known, dude. It's known throughout the fun. Weird dick dance of it. Yeah. That's old. That's old. That's old weird dick Dan. He is used as a Ziploc

Kind of in a rubber band You ever fuck a girl without a condom and then like like the next day like hyper Contracts do that and then like the next day is fucking It's the worst thing in the world. Oh my god. Nothing worse than knowing that you fuck someone They should never have fuck but like knowing that you were fucking it. No, but when you were getting fucked, like I remember one time I was in college and I was getting laid, right? And I had a rub on it and this girl was just riding like so fast going nuts and she goes,

you know, you don't need a condom. And I was like, nah, fuck that man. I'm, you know, I'm worried about AIDS and she goes, I don't have it. And I was like, all right, fuck that's all it fucking true. It's ridiculous. Well, let's, let's stop for one second. There's two points. Number one, there is a point when you fucking a chick and you come inside

Or and you're fine. It's when you're actually married and you want to have a baby for the last two years of my life I'm in dumping into a hole and nothing happened so So there's the other side of that coin till right fucking come on attached to something But I think that Come on, attach to something. Yeah, I'm cheese. But I think that AIDS is really, no, I'm sorry for that pause. That was a terrible pause.

That was a long pause. My acting, my acting is you would say, you could have a truck through that pause. Oh, the theater. Hey, hey, hey, hey. You're a filmist. You're a filmist. You're a filmist. Yeah, that's a conglomerate.

It's hard to get AIDS for a guy. It's really hard. No one, they won't say it because they can't. It's all a conspiracy. It's these chicks getting their AIDS. I know a bunch of gay dudes that will be like, actually, it's really easy to get AIDS. Yeah, if you're fucking cold going bare back in a bathhouse. Yeah, in an asshole.

Yeah, in an asshole. Yeah, with blood everywhere. Yeah, yeah. Ah, they're toughened up. They're calloused up by the time they really took it. Yeah, me. Calloused the inside of an asshole. Whatever you wear it, anything gets worn.

It's like, I imagine it's kind of like a very soft, leathery inside pocket. Yeah. That doesn't happen with the gin as. It does it. No, it does. No, you don't get calluses Not fucking learning to play the guitar The chicken get what they got like

Aps don't get wet though. All right everything ask who's get chicks and porn's vaginas are like old mitts Let's take it so many baseball stupid. That's not true. I think it's I think it's real. It's dance science I know that a little guy guys have told me they shit better off to have had a six. Oh, Jesus, Kelly, I really could have done without that. That is true. That is true. That is true.

That's absolutely true. I will. He needs a colonic. That's fucking awful. Pitch, pineapple, it's gonna happen all over you. I just ate swarma. I had a doctor say to me, I had a doctor say to me, because I was a paranoid and I was like this is back when AIDS was a beast

When AIDS was a Yeah, when a six selling out stadiums. Yeah, fucking all over the stuff in the band played on I said I was like do it. I'm worried about getting AIDS. He goes did you do harrowing? I'm like now he goes. Did you do fuck dudes? he literally said you fuck dudes in the ass and I went no he got you fine yeah but this was back when he's didn't have a name yet this was your asking that's not true that's not true I'm not I'm not talking when he was like dude the new bug yeah do you have the flu when they were calling it a flu I died of the flu yeah no it was the he said we can't come out and it's very hard for a heterosexual man who has vagina sex

to get AIDS because of it's hard to, it's a little tiny peahole. Yeah. And it's a dick is harder than an open vagina or asshole. Okay. It's not that easy to get AIDS. It's not as easy. You don't just stick you dick in and get AIDS right now. I don't think this is a conversation

that the World Health Organization wants us to be having. Bobby is, no, let him go, I like this. Bobby is writing his medical journal on how it's like, AIDS is so big and the P-hole is so small. No, you can't give, you don't give, you can't give the fucking AIDS. AIDS is big, dude. P-hole, small, dude. Everyee-ho-small, dude!

Every love time movie from the 80s told me otherwise. I would fucking, I would get a girl with AIDS and fuck her without a condom. Wow, I didn't like it. Okay, and then I will fuck my wife, thank you. Okay, now you're just being cruel. Thank you for that, and riding. I just think you're being mean.

That would be a good fear factor. Know that, well this chick has AIDS. We want you to fuck her with a f***ing... Another condom. And then fuck your wife I am telling it's hard for it's a hard to get AIDS. It's not as easy as you think it you have to have blood contact Has blood has to get in AIDS blood has to get in your body and? You can't just you can't it's hard to get AIDS blood blood, has to get in your body. And you can't just, you can't,

it's hard to get AIDS blood. Look at, when you wanna check socks at deck, she shouldn't brush her teeth, you know what I mean? Cause the, but you can't get, it's hard to get, it's hard to get, it's hard to get AIDS from Jizz. You have to get it from blood. Why should we brush that teeth? Because, because your gum's bleed.

Your gum's bleed and if he's got a little blood coming off his cock Cuz you don't have a suck dick cuz you're on Australia And you do it backwards like your teleballs You know real hyperconjure I ask and chick to get ginger vitus and shit Let me see that lift that lip I am so fucking bad with my hyperconjure. Yeah, you're pretty bad I'm going to a throat doctor tomorrow. What's wrong? You're like to see you're gonna try to get me and I know what you're trying to do If you want to say throat out of me like oh my god, I've had an episode

I'm just my voice keeps going in and out kind of like what you had Yeah, what happened to you? I'm going to a throat doctor your voice went in and out. I had um I was in Vegas this year with Norton at the UFC and My voice just went yeah It just went for months. It went for months every fucking week. Wow. And then you know what I fucked up? I did testosterone.

Not testosterone. I did steroids for a month. I didn't know it steroids. Did you? I fucked up, dude. But I had to, because I had the show, and then I had auditioning to get Bronx warrants, okay? I had to go through that process, which was like two weeks.

And then I had to actually do the pilot for Bronx warrants. And I lost my voice on that, because that I do the scene where I'm screaming. Yeah. And I fucked up, lost my voice, but I had to keep taking steroids. Steroids, fuck you. What did the steroids, do you?

They're addictive and you have to, you go like through DTs when you come off them. It just fucked my system up for a while. I was fucked for a while getting off of steroids. You take them for a week, maybe you take one of those things to get through, so I took them for four weeks, because I had to, because my voice was gone.

I found out it was, it might have been allergies. I got adult allergies. Like I've never had allergies in my life. Well, because that's weird you say that because it literally hit a couple of months ago and it's like, you know, I'm a smoker. So immediately I'm like, I got fucking throat cancer. Right, you probably do have that too.

I'm just saying. That's not cool. That's cool. That's not cool. Guess what I'm gonna call it five in the morning when I'm in my cold sweats? Bobby I guess Well, I guess

You know I Think I read I have there it is not funny Bobby. This is I know who it is you fucking creepy voice I'm gonna end up being that weird guy Do he's joke to these weird fucking just don't do one of those gross commercials and shit fucking I'm gonna You make money somehow you have to be famous to do those In the Bronx lady with their gone fingers guys have to fucking really jump on me Considering it now if that is up. You have to see us. I'm my joke. I mean not everything. I'm not doing the fucking Footwork and all this fucking material.

First word, I just want to say all your medicinal stats have been wildly inaccurate. And it's hard, it's a fact. It's hard to get it. That is true, I heard that. First. Don't you just do it. No, I did, I heard it, I heard it's a P hole, dude.

All right, now that, okay, here's the thing. Now that we've learned that gay guys who are so gay men are so, in for meat and clean and good human beings, you know gay guys who so gay men are so uh... and for me and clean and good human beings purveyors of great restaurants change your of neighborhoods i mean legitimately will brighten up any neighborhood in New York

savior of little dogs i mean and honestly some of the sweetest people you'll ever meet your own uh... opening of great nicknacks stores i mean unbelievable and they're the only ones who get those those trainers from europe sneakers nothing else is alright yeah and i read a letter it's hard to get aids man if you're a straight guy if you're not fucking dudes in

the ass or people not just do just a couple but you can be fucking chicks in the ass you can fucking chicken the ass who has AIDS and you're done. It's not a gay thing. I'm not saying it's a gay disease. I'm saying that. It's a butthole disease.

Eight. You're trying to say it's a butthole disease. It's easier to get it through a needle or a fuckin' asshole than it is of a jirking off in a chick's tits. Ah, that's a very specific. It was out with Andrew Roderick. It wasn't at the speculation when magic said it was just women,

like six women at a time, but at the time they were like, nah dude, these aids went away, didn't they? Well, no, it never goes away. But I thought like he was like me. Well, they cured age. They officially said they cured it. I mean, they announced that there's a guy in Germany

if you could have who had it. And yeah, he was a HIV, grab a mic. What's your name again? John John, put the camera down for a sec. Grab a mic. Pull that down to your face. Are you gay?

I'm not gay, but I don't think I am. OK, well, that's why I asked. Because I was one of those people who said, I'm kidding, the equaler. No, I'm kidding. I didn't think you were gay. All right. Are you hair is gay?

But no, I'm kidding. I think he's a nice young gentleman is is a very nice gentleman is a little of his her cut a big a starter i thought h i v i thought the h i v virus can be contained but i think full blown a is a concure that they could get your full no your story was accurate i think it was in germany or central year up somewhere in there there is a documented case where it was

cared it was wiped out from the guy i don't remember his name i don't remember what time but i have literally where it was cured. It was wiped out from the guy. I don't remember his name I don't remember what time but I literally made it a weak here at age But you went back to fucking What am I gonna do my second chance more unprotected sex in the butt Yeah Well, that's the thing is what I'm saying is that gay men Started wearing rubbers and started being more safe. You know, back in the day, you know, still exercising.

Still having fantastic bodies. Fantastic! And then, now, an ounce of fat. All dick and fat. And heroin went out. Yeah, that's real. heroin is not really in that more anymore. I feel like heroin's still around making hits.

I think it's math, man, with... Math is the new thing though. with math is the new thing. I mean smoking some shit. You're smoking it. You're bathtub. I think moon shines coming back. They're making it. Isn't that a show? I think moon shines going to be the next drug of choice on the corner of 56 in Lex. We know that guy though that you got any what? That's the all that's the name that everyone throws around with ruin shoot What's up Kelly? I'm sorry That guy I'm like I cured he needed to have there was so many factors put into play Which is why he got cured from it like there was like 17 different things like certain blood type certain blood type transfusion blah blah blah so it's like it's like easy to cure it.

Like, this is like the technology. And they are, but not everyone can be cured as well. Depending on your blood type and your genes and blah, blah, blah. But it's a lot more than we ever had before and people are still under the notion that if you have it, that's it, you're doomed. Well, I saw Magic Johnson a few weeks ago, it came into the restaurant that I work at.

Do you have such a name dropper? Did he bang you? Yeah. No. I have a picture of Magic Johnson's foot taking a piss next to me. That's pretty cool. Do you really?

Yeah. You can't see how he's taking a piss. I was just seeing that. That's not even the creepiest. You can't really see him. He took a photo of his foot. Is he probably thought you would take it of his dick? No, no, no.

Anytime I take a shit or like in a stall at this feet, I take pictures of feet. And I kind of Instagram him or I, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, to the urinal and I took a picture of his foot while he was taking a piss with that big huge dick. And the weirdest part is you heard that little I forgot to turn the volume off on my fucking iPhone. So you heard that shit. And I was like, my I just went, I was waving the door to get kicked down. I was digging a shit. Yeah, I'm just suck this. I'm getting a little yelp. I would have sucked it. Yeah, for the story. You committed it at the moment. That's 92 Dreamteam dick. Yeah, but I'm a Celtic fan.

You got a suck 92 Dreamteam dick. Don't turn down Dreamteam dick. Even if it's Christian Latener, I'm blowing it. Sean Kessner. No, dude, later, the hand job at the most. I'm blowing it. If you went to Barcelona and changed the way international basketball is played,

that'll suck you off. That'll give you a good one. That was a good idea, is it dream team? Well, I don't know where to go. So AIDS, I'm not saying go fuck, go fuck, unprotected. I think you should always wear rubber because worse than AIDS

At least with age you can have a benefit and though raise money nobody's raising money for warts No one's raising money for joylists in the hurt. Yeah, nobody's fucking Yeah, watch a joe list go through that. I was there the day it broke what he got herpes Yeah, you didn't know that that's just fucking blowing up a shit on the fucking I talk about all the time. Oh, I think you did one man show bad Remind me not to tell you It's not one of my close friends. I'm not like guys also check this out It's not like strangers were listening. You like met up with him at the subway and he could barely walk and you like dude

What's wrong? He's like I can't help you say you can barely walk how do you get him? I'm not gonna get him. I'm not gonna get him. You got him. He bought him at Starbucks. He was a tainted bottle of purel. It's the worst story though. He didn't even come at the end of it.

Like, I had a buddy recently man. He fucked his chick. Hey now let's stop and fuck a deal with his tainted bottle of parallel dummy and take this bandana. First see it. First this is the bomb bandana. We'll fucking the hot one out get that yeah you take a hot one just so we know who the last staker was it gets to be pretty vicious and I'm not gonna lie there's been a lot of friendships questioned over this little

friend this is a time okay are you a Yeah, my friend Tell me Mike actually has it worn down Just like a married person when they take off their rings Me I'm taking this old thing off from years You were talking about your friend doing some deep dickin. Yeah, my friendy. I love the dance on fire That's good. Can we turn those lights this way?

The ones, yeah, turn them this way. Yeah, there you go. Sorry man. I'm starting to get to like impress you guys really don't want to hear the story. No! Dude, I'm on the top of the park tonight. Can I just tell you something? We haven't been on together in a while,

so we're all just fucking yelling. Oh, we're not all, yeah, yeah. So it's, yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry. No, no, no, I'm fucking kidding. No, this dude, he banged his chick and then went to her kitchen. Just keep the water on the back of the car.

That was a joke. I'm kidding, that was a joke. That was a joke. Go ahead. Yeah. No, he banged his chick and then he went to the kitchen. Like, he had a great time, a great date with a great sex and he went to the kitchen like he had a great time a great date with a great sex And he goes to the kitchen and saw her fucking herpes medicine

And he was like dude he called me. He's like what the fuck do I do like how fucked up is that I got one better than that I was on a date with a chick at my house and I went through a fucking thing and it said Daniel Instead of Danielle. Oh my God. Bum bum bum bum bum. Wamp. Oh, Jesus. Just see it.

No, she didn't have, she was a hermaphidite and had it removed. Oh my God. So she had a pussy and a dick. I told this story before. Patrice, Patrice, I remember I was at the minute of tab and I told you. I left it with Patrice while I went and did a set at the Boston.

I came back. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Um, um, um, one second. Excuse me. Miss, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Tell you see a hand for a second. Bobby. Uh, hmm. And he put her hand up and he put his hand up over her hand. Her hand was bigger than Patrice. Oh my. It goes, and then he took his long put his hand up over her hand. Her hand was bigger than betrayal. Oh my. It goes, and then he took his long finger.

He pointed to her neck. He goes, um, she goes, can you say a couple words? I see this. I want to see this go up. Oh, shit. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. All right.

But I was like, come on, son. And then I went to her and then I asked her later. I go, are you with dude? She goes, and I was like, no, she goes on her math at night, and then I dumped her. And she cried. What? I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, greedy. Yeah, I had my shot. She had a dick removed. She had her dick removed.

She had both sex organs. She was more of a female supposedly than a male. So her family made the decision at 18. Oh, kidding, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Oh. Jamie Lee Curtis, man. She was a hermaphrodite.

Yeah, man. What? But no, but they're born, like you said though, they're born with more said though they're born with more of the organs of one right yeah it's Jamie Lee Currner which is a that's what she can't have kids she adopted she adopted yeah yeah so it's chicken chicken chicken organs it would be like you Kelly being born which is having a dick hanging off you yeah you just get a dick removed but because the female oh man as you can fuck yourself for Astoria you wouldn't Just click the mouse and have a wink at the same time a wink a wink. Yeah

You couldn't have sex with yourself. Hey, you could pop it in yeah, but then you You're dick or hard and then he's like that. I'd be fuck You hear Just keep putting it in pussy juice of people That's gross. I know that time to practice it. I can't believe she's at home, Aphrodite. Jamie Likurdis. I've never heard about this before.

It's not something you want to put in. It's not something you can resume. Makes that scene in true life. I was just taking a true life. Yeah, when she was dancing. Oh, man. What about Halloween? Yeah, what about trading places where she shows her tips?

How great her retits. I think we've had the conversation before the chance. We have. And we're gonna have it again Wait, can her mafidates get a horn on her mafidice can fuck all night long It's the old Dorado of the fuck Of genitalia Natalia, did I Italian that up way too much? I was like, for some reason. You can imagine there's gonna be a lot of things going on. Hey, what's up with the dicks, what's up? Bobby, Bobby, tell me, tell me, tell me about these fucking

nathwords, like, I don't look a fuck of shit. What are you talking about? Hang on, all right, let's not talk over each other the whole fucking show. You bought headphones for a fucking reason. Elder Ra, what did you call it? Alderotter. I don't know. There's anything funnier. If please write that down Alderado. I want to fucking say that to somebody sometime in my life. The fucking El Dorado over the fuck world is one of the

Anywho yeah, so you heard it here ages dead Anywho. Yeah, so you heard it here. A. Just that. You know where? Yeah, if you don't do if you don't shoot needles and you don't fuck dudes in the ass, fuck away. And you can come and chicks. It's hard to get impressed. Some of your listeners are gonna be like, I said it. Yeah, find out. All you have to do is find out when you chick, the chick you're banging is ovulating and fucking dumping her the whole other time. Cause I've been doing it for two years

and you don't make babies. It's a million to one to fucking make a baby. There's a lot of fucking teenage parents right now that disagree with you. You would hate my story, cause we did it one shot, we did it. Really? We did it one shot, we tried and then all of a sudden

I went on the road for two weeks and checked came back and she was like yeah, I did I'm wow good for you Yeah, good for you stepping behind the three-pointer Mercy just heard net after he came he's like Leave it up there. I'm gonna leave it up there. That felt so good How about the second one? Yeah Second shot you're two for two what a guy man fucking Uh, how about the second one? Uh, yeah.

Second shot, you're two for two. That's what I got, man. Fuckin' verzy the baby maker. Paul the baby maker, verzy. Yeah, we were, you know, we were in the Jimmy Carter suite in Mr. Connecticut. Prager. No, this, I gotta say it. Do this fucking gig.

I do this one night night. I got one second. Hang on, peanut. The Jimmy Carter suite. But it was a shitty place. It was just like where he stayed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying.

So you missed a Connecticut. There's one nighter gig, right? You go and then like they were like, oh, you're in the suite that you keep talking. You're just gonna get the door. You're in the suite that Jimmy Carter stands. Really nice, beautiful bathroom and everything. I like the place was amazing.

And I'm laying, my son is sleeping like in the play pen and shit. And I'm laying next to him over. It's three in the morning. Fucking bathroom was ridiculous. The whole place is so nice. 330 the play pen and shit and I'm laying next one over it's three in the morning Fucking bathroom was ridiculous the whole place is so nice 330 I just look over and I go I swear I got a fuck my wife in this room like this is where the president stays I got it there and I just rolled over and and and then that's that's where my daughter was conceived You fuck show the president Carter stayed like when he stayed there. He didn't fuck there

What no it's it was his room he made have a lot of like he's he was always in that town and that was the room they made for him to be not farmer you know he had that fucking rural sex drug he probably fucked air right he was married i'd doubt it i bet you know what i probably put it at thirty percent uh... i really you really yeah i think Sherlock Holmes well you look at the conditions clearly a vacation house yeah clearly, clearly. He'd done it. He wasn't that old of a man while he was president.

He also, like I said, was a peanut farmer. Are you timing up the scuff? What are you doing this? Which meant he had a very working class rural, sex drive. If we all know his high, it's why it's so populated. Right, yeah. And I think he did.

Speak at a bone. You know what's so funny. Right, yeah. And I think he did. I'm right. Speaking of bone. You know what's so funny is that I looked at the photo of the all-girl podcast and the chick. And one of the chicks in the room had gloves on with no fingers like Big J. It was like the DJ. Did you hear me? I was like, I'm going to get it off.

Take a seat. I remember you want to sit, buddy. This is probably much more comfortable. Big J, you guys just entered the building late as a cunt It's only he's only 18 minutes late. We had to get him I had to get him a a chalotte a J wouldn't go on the point Very demanding I won't star bucks A chalotte hey dudes and Kelly

I Hey dudes and Kelly Hey buddy, how you doing? I'm hanging in how you doing? We were just talking about I made this statement That it's you can't get aids anymore Seems like it. Yeah, I mean, it's pretty hard for a straight guy to fuck a check or get head off a check and get aids No, that's Dan's lived his life by that credo I don't play that thing, Jim. What if? You know, it is. It's one shot.

That's all you got. Let's do this. Well, here's, you know, Doroso's fucking just worries every day because he's just fucking skanking it out. Oh, yeah. I've seen Joe's little putt before too. I wonder how many condoms he's lost inside of a chick and then break the mood by going and just like have fisting her to pull it out.

Let's not talk about little buds. No, no, I have an awful, oh yeah, everyone see my score test. I'll never, ever forget your dick. But I haven't always used condoms every time I've had sex. Me and you have the same dick. Do we really? That's the worst. Damn it's the worst.

Prove it. Prove it. No. That's the worst. It's the worst. Prove it. Prove it. Prove it. No. That's not okay. Joe's dick, Joe's dick actually. Joe got this.

This fucking one color all the way through. It's so weird looking. Joe got that one shade dick. Hey, you know what it is? Like some dicks go down and flop and some retract. Some, as I'm putting myself in some retract. I got a retract flapper. They really?

I gotta go in and in down. See, mine just got retracts. It's like a ref on a convertible. You got one of those fucking ugly, like, there's a couple, beautiful, there. There's a couple minutes when it's going down and I'm like, I wish there was like thousands of pictures being taken

at the right this minute. Now, now, when my hang is great, but it's very rare, but some rich but Joe's almost just like Becomes like you know like a Bruce Banner like it's like a smaller version of a super hard dick. He has purple jeans on He's dick enough that you know what you know, how do you guys all know what each other's dick? We used to live together. comic showers How's your sit All these guys all these guys used to open for me. That is, that's also what you got.

And the towel, and I got it. Show it if you got it. So anyways, there's a few things going on. I don't want to drink a beer. Do you get, oh, you can't. No, I can't. All right, go ahead, you fucking alky. It's not a Guinness. It's where you're like, no, no I can't Yeah, it is what you talking about Jay

Of course it is We have Paul back on Your he was on last week you wanted to come on this week is you had some shit you went on your fucking crews Yeah, you gave one the metal crew. Yeah, the gay ones coming up Yeah, explain what you on first playing the gig. It's called a ship rock. It was Oh, you know, it's funny. It was it was great, but I lost so much steam in it Remember I think I told you sorry. So the guy called me explain how long it is It's four day cruise four days non-stop

Metal action Featuring bands four days of non-stop army metal action featuring bands like seven dust. Lamb of God. Comic Big Jailcresson. Five finger deaf punch and your headlighters. Cool. It's a cruise taking the waves to the sea. Ship rocked. When the guy called me, we had like a 45 minute conversation. It was so great. But with no like irony or jokingness in his voice when he hung up the phone, his last words of me goes, all right, man, so looking forward to it. Can't wait to see you December, December or seven when we get a ship rocked. Oh, yeah, I was like, oh, that's it.

Oh, geez. Come on, buddy. Can you just put that in there? Here it is. Come on. Here it is. It, Dan, explain to us what it is. It's four days. Where do you, where do you put, did you come out of New York City?

Miami, where? Um, Fort Lauderdale. Fort Lauderdale. So you down in Florida and you go to where? Go to Port Lauderdale. No, florida and you go to where go to port for a lot of the no where do you go after the cruise out guitar and cruising

rift the rift canal and we want to hand bangers waterfall and we end up with the but like the and that we went to uh... key west stopped the key west and then uh... the Bahamas for a day.

Was Billy Crystal down there? Did he open that bar? I didn't see him. Billy Crystal? Billy Crystal? Yeah. He lived in his cocktail dream. Yeah. No, there was, I didn't see him. Did you hear any grigory hines? There was supposed to open up a bar after they retired being cops. Oh man, that is a great reference that no one's going to get besides me.

Running scared, bro. Yeah, baby. Boo yeah. That no one's gonna get besides me running scared bro. Yeah, baby. Boo. Yeah I got a lot of swing and miss on that one Come on, dude Mike McDonald fuck out of this room. I feel like I know Mike McDonald. You're out. You're off Will you the only comic on the thing? We're the only comic on the thing. No, I brought Dave Smith open for me. It was it was awesome. Big J. Big J. Just really made me fucking laugh. I coughed from my asshole. Oh god. If you don't get the fuck out of here, he got so really mad. Well, he got mad that I didn't know Michael McDonnell. I know Michael McDonnell. I know running scared reference.

Don't defend yourself. And now I'm a little, no, my back's against the wall, Jay. Pay me a quarter. You know what? No one puts monster voice in the corner. No one out there. All right, so go ahead. Yeah, it was me and Dave Smith,

both in the show, but what was awesome was, we only did two shows, but they put, it could have went Dave Smith both in the show, but what was awesome was we only did two shows But they put it it could have went bad or good, I guess, but it was our our show was at midnight After like a half hour after that had like corn both nights. We did it so it was playing on a ship Yeah, in a theater, but they each each night the main acts almost every act did a theater show Mm-hmm, and then one on, up or deck, which was pretty cool. That was pretty cool. The ship line was horrible.

What was the ship line? The crew's an MSC, some Italian. The food was grotto, an edible food. Really? Almost an edible. It was so, so bad. I've never been on one that was like, I had a Harley Carnival cruise and everything.

Everyone's like, you're gonna gain 20 pounds. Dave Smith put a great he goes it's the only time I've ever been in a situation where every time you're hungry you go fuck man I'm hungry. Like I have to go now shovel something into my face. Yeah it was bad but the experience of it was like pretty cool watching the bands in that atmosphere stuff and then our shows like was it in the theater like a regular. They set it up in like a room where you'd watch a band kind of right when there's a little dance floor in front of it but the first show they had a

host on there who city actually just worked with you who's a nary I can't remember his last name his name is nary any R.Y. I probably in Miami I think all right I might have but he was hosting and he had some people come up like on, bring their chairs on the dance floor kind of. Yeah. But it was a little chaotic, but the first show was like, good. It went really well. Like they did actually calm down by the time Dave got on stage.

And he did well. And then the second show, we just went in like a couple hours early and just took the time ourselves and line chairs up, like 30 chairs on the dance floor. A fuck is it look like no no because you know the environment you're doing I got it and it was fucking it was fantastic it was fantastic it was really great he had a good time yeah you didn't bomb what the fuck you here for it was a crush I, I'm here, it's because my one, so I happen to know some of the bands were on the set.

I was kind of cool too to see them. I know all the guys from corn, for their finger, death punch, but I'm a God smack fan. I think they're great. And Bob, on this very podcast, says me, goes, tell Sully that I said, what's up? Now, he just said Sully, which is already, I don't like the implication that we're so close. And he just, you know, like he almost had souls.

Is that like, is like, those souls I said would tell that slimy son of a bitch. Sully, I don't, I actually don't know anyone in God's max. So I'm like, that's pretty awesome. I have a now good reason to fucking jump in there and say that. Yeah. And I see him walking around and I go, uh, I go, Hey, what's up, man? It's nice to meet you. I'm Jay. Uh, and I said, I'm the comedian on the ship. I go, Bobby kept before I can even get, uh, like the Lee out of Kelly, uh, says, he just goes, he

goes, I'll cool my time. I said, what's up? Like he definitely didn't even listen. I go, yeah, he's a friend. Uh, he said, he's, uh, you know, he's back, you know, comic from ball. I'm saying anything boss some tries a key words Yeah, I just anything to give it to Foxy walked away So if he cartwheeled away and he heard the name. Oh, he heard it You know what he wasn't you don't think don't try say shut down on me because I'm a big oaf that was coming at him That's what he didn't listen first of all don't try to say that's not one of the reasons still Sort of the reason I can shrek is trying to attack him on a ship. He's like I'm gonna give this guy a good chance

Bob Kelly I'm out Can I tell you something? Do you know what that is? Do you know what that ship is to a fucking get the lead singer from God's Mac? He hated that's us doing a prom boat show sure on the East River. Oh, where the musicians like disgusted? True, and that, no, not all of them. See, it depends, like, so, what I found was pretty interesting and the guy did tell me this would happen, the guy who ran the whole thing.

You made a good point, he goes, when they are so accessible like that, like they're there. Like they, you're gonna walk by their hotel rooms, or their other chipper rooms constantly. When you're there, yeah. Some of the reason the audience, they do, they don't, they don't bug them. They really don't. When you're there, some reason the audience they do,

they don't bug them. They really don't, they're oddly respectful of their spaceship. You never see you to be honest. No, I know, but. I mean, you did the ship because it was this unique type of niche fucking comedy show. Okay, sure.

But I mean, if you're on a boat, I mean, we're gonna boat, you'd be fucked. You'd be fucked you'd be like god damn it. This stinks. This is the God smack. There was selling out arenas Not to say that it's not gonna They still do oh no, yeah, they still Yeah, but here it's like do why am I on this fucking boat? Saul Little little tick little miftoff. It's cuz rock stick like no there's a rock and roll. Yeah, you have to do compilation. She's like that to get people out to rock concerts. It's probably mad because they were selling out like you said like a stadium six months ago. Now they're like,

Hello, ship Roger. Oh, you know, all right. Pretty funny thing. They came. They got smacked open the whole thing as the thing pulled off of a port. Yeah, got smacked star play. That was like the other first band to go on which would have been really bad as except they decide to throw in the opening forty minutes all acoustic and no one got it like no one was on board acoustic

yeah on the rock ship on ship rock they went acoustic yeah their theater show is great though but that was retarded yeah Yeah, that's kind of dumb. It is some cool covers at the end, but like everyone was kind of like, what the fuck was that? He, but he acknowledged it, which is kind of interesting. Musicians, I think really break that fourth wall, but he goes, like towards the end of the thing he goes, he goes, all right, we got a few more songs that he goes, because he can only take us to 11 songs that warm up, because maybe we'll leave the guitars, like the acoustic guitars away next to like, he was actually acknowledging that blue ball. What a weird thing to have to have I mean do they do more than words

Well, you know what though. It's like I gotta go on this fucking the money was probably great It was he probably wanted the fucking cash Yeah, and then he's on the ship somebody sold them on this gig. You probably didn't want to do it He specifically didn't want to do it. They said he's I don't want to fucking do this, but I got to do it from the band and people need money and Christmas and the fans and all that shit And he's like we're gonna do we're gonna do a little different. I'm not doing fucking our regular show You know, it's like you doing new jokes in a shit room, but it is I did do new jokes in a shit room on that very situation I handled that whole thing better than Sully

Sulls Bob is old buddy He's still my buddy being town you know He's probably not gonna be my friend because of Jay. Jay was like, fuck was that guy in the fucking ship? Walking up to me after like fucking, not the fuck that was about. You know, was it? You know, was a sad, uh, a sight to see for some reason to me was, uh, you know, Matt pit of

field, remember him, like the ball guy. Yeah, but he just like walking around this thing like old, like is even like Matt Pinnfield, remember him? Yeah. Like the ball. The ball guy. Yeah. But he just like walking around this thing like old, like it's even like, even like, you know, like the guys in corner now, like, you know, pushing 40 or over 40 by now, but they still kind of like, as they walk around, they still kind of look the part in some way. Matt Pinnfield has like, tastefully above the knee cargo shorts and like ankle socks with like some avias. I'm like a short sleeve button.

He just looks retarded. He just looks like so old and is at a whack. Someone's uncle that tried to come here. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he's got that fucking, like he's, he has, he has a face like he was old when he was 21. Yeah. You know what I mean?

But it stayed the same old till like he was 84. He'll be like that old fucking bald. Like I it not developed head for constant. It's weird. Watch this order. Do you remember Queens? Right? Yeah. I love fucking do you love Queens? Right. It's fantastic. Now that this sweet angelic voice that sang that song was at the first show we did. Now I didn't see him. didn't know we're looking shit you know it's funny I actually oddly enough didn't see his face the entire trip but he was in the dark of the audience but the bench that he was honored you know the the sofa wherever it was they had was I could

see half the table and what while we had to acknowledge that tables because there was a young girl. I think she was kind of pretty, but she had a baby on a leash. Oh, what? Yeah, I mean, a 16-month-old baby at a comedy show at midnight. So Dave Smith acknowledged it. Does a good job with it. And then I go on stage and of course I have to acknowledge. I keep going.

But then I asked the question. I'm like, has anyone had a threesome on the boat yet? And she raised. Oh, good on you, mom. And she's being pretty good. Now, what's his thing is, how thing is I was not that be bad. I would applaud this or I did Why you what I did not a pull my thumb is weird when I found it was her baby made it weird But then also find the baby part of the threesome. Oh, no, it was not as far as I even I said very question Did you strap a dildo on its forehead

Don't jerk too hard. It's neck muscles They just strap a dildo on its forehead. Let it wander around. See what happens. Don't jerk too hard, it's neck muscles aren't it? It keeps crawling into your pussy. Like a room, but like a room, but dildo. Sweep in the room. Oh, someone right there at the... That's Duka, jot that down. We got to get a $1 million ID right there.

A room, but dildo. Room, but dildo. So who was the threesome with? She said it was two got, here's the's thing she was lying, but she's the daughter Of the Jeff tape and so I have a like now just so much and she's like holding to her story We found out later that that was lying she kept doing the other like you owe me out I helped the show I gotta stop you're really quick. You're fucking manicured eyebrows flipping me out

I feel like I'm watching Avenue Q right now. But, I'm like, I'm gonna burn your eyebrows. I'm like, something, I didn't want to sound like the chick, because I was like, you look amazing. Yeah, dude, but they're fucking doing different shit and like somebody's controlling the duckling.

I'm lost, sorry, I watched the document here on the rock today. So I'm doing a lot of eyebrow work. The stone cold one is amazing. Fantastic, and I watched the show Michael's recently. And So I'm doing a lot of eyebrow work. The stone cold one is amazing. Fantastic. And I watched the show Michael's recently. And you smell terrific as well when you walked in. Oh, what?

It's so cool. What? This guy's a green with fucking everything. He's just like, yes, yes, fantastic. Come on, no one else to kid about how they smell. They walked in here. I gotta get to Verzi. I wanna talk about some shit with Verzi.

Yes, I'm sorry. So I won't make it quick. But everybody came outside after the show who knew her. And was like, oh, you know, I saw I won't make it quick, but everybody came outside after the show who knew her and was like, oh, you know, I was the guy from Queens, right daughter. But as she's hanging out, she's awful. And she is terrible. And she, like her kids literally, like at the point where I cross the line with, do I say something?

Her 60 month old baby, it's like four in the morning is grabbing daiquiri out of her like cup and like, and you're like, shit, you know, I have a daughter, so it's like very like holy shit, but it turns out just real quickly, her story that is true, you know, that's a lie. This chick, I think that was interesting. She was dating a young guitar player, married him, and so because, like, you know, really young,

like maybe 19 years old or 20. So, Leasing of Queens, right goes, all right, well, it's my son along now. I'm going to make him a guitarist in Queens, right? Wow. And then when you're guitarist in a band, you get a guitar tech. They send that with you. She fucked the guitar tech. Okay.

And got pregnant with said baby and divorced the other guy and married the guitar tech. So when Queens, right, tours, so the lead singer of Queens right goes, ah, you know what he goes. Now I guess I got to hire this guy. So he's another guitar player in Queens right. But he felt bad because he had a guy that didn't do anything wrong. So he kept them both. So every night when the Queens right on stage when they go back out, he's going to be flanked by two guys. First of all, if jammed Cox and his daughter and his ex son-inin-law and his son, how fucking bizarre. For the guy who was silent lucidity, how not romantic is that story?

I'd say it's fucking rock and roll, dude. It really is, it's fucking rock and roll. Yeah, you banged a baby angel. Yeah, man. So did you. But literally, how about we have Doolonga Tars? I'm gonna need a lot. I'll be the third.

This guy has no beat, such a weird thing to not have any kind of beat. I was just digging his thing. No, no beat. It's such a weird thing to not have any kind of beat. I would be... No, I'm not sitting at all. I don't know what's going on with the two guitar players, but I guess it's probably better to be in Queens right, and just be some guy fucking the daughter from Queens right? So they just guitar riff it out together? Yeah, but that's where I love it.

That's kind of fucking badass, not to give a fuck at all. Yeah, but how old are you? I can't even... Before you just say this, Oh, dude, I just fucked Queens right, daughter. So you talked about like a chick talks about bands, like I just fucked Queens rake starter. You talked about like a like a chick talks about bands I just sucked pant hair is dick You didn't suck all their things

That doesn't count though if you suck one of the dudes in the band's dick didn't you kind of say that's how much I hate chicks who are just there Just stop right there. Yeah Just I hate chicks Which very much very specifically the ones who go to like rock shows, like just to fuck a, there was plenty of people in the boat that I saw that attitude with, like they come through, I'm just fucking one of the guys in a band. It means nothing.

So as I'm saying, they want to come out and go like, I fucked Queens Rike. And it's like, no, you fucked the guitar player from Queens. It's horrible credits. But why do they care, like, what does that mean? Why do they care about that? Because they can go, you've seen this next slut? You've seen Queens right inside her because I fucking I think it's because of a you know

What was it sweet sweet Connie? What's that we're in American band like you know They they all fuck Connie one night to get true story and like you know she makes the song That's what they all different than from what you know Oh what I've done you know hanging out waiting for fucking Deep purple to walk through the Hilton you know they mean to get their autograph I mean if it wasn't guy if you if I was a woman who's like you want a second dick I'll suck you dig yeah, yeah, but I think our thought even if you went to go if you were a huge like Fan of a band of the girl

If you were a big fan of a girl band. Yeah, I'd eat her fucking pussy of course you would But yeah, you your thought going there is not like, I'm gonna go there and, oh, I'm gonna go. Oh yeah, my thought. I'm gonna go put it out there that I'll, hey girls, you want a fucking fat guy to come eat your pussy? Whoa, whoa, first of all. To be honest, I'm gonna let you move me with your music,

then I'm gonna move you with my tone. First of all, Katy Perry will totally finger-blast you. If I'm having a fantasy, if I'm having a fantasy, if I'm having a fantasy, it's not, if I'm having a fantasy really if I'm having a fantasy It's not if I'm having a you done. Are you having a fantasy? It's a fat Bob Kelly who's No me I know You're just I'm saying what do you say you know my wife said about my own vacation because it was really fat

Dude and I go fat as him. Can I guess does she say? Can you take that bandana? I bet someone laughs in their car at that. so in the cuba, someone in the cuba is dying. every comic just wants to know that one person. I'll tell you what was off on that joke, you're fucking timing. that's it, you took too long.

it should have been, can I tell you, it was ugh and it should have came out quick. yeah, I should have said it. When you said it. Yeah, you fucking paused and delivered it. I talked to the man there. I took responsibility. I was thinking, it's six twits going,

you don't deserve to be in there. She said six. She said, she said that you're big, you're definitely fat, but you're built. Like you're not a mushy fat dude. Like I have muscle underneath. Firm. I probably should have just fucking shept my face.

Anyways, I wanna switch gears here for a second. Did your grandma tell you we're handsome this week? I'm like grandma's in a home. We have a home. I had no idea. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you want to talk about this shit? Oh, no, I Can't legally I can't use any kind I can what's the abbreviation? No, we're just gonna fucking you know look man This is the thing is like I'm at the stage of my life now you're 35 right 34 34 Yeah, whatever how old are you 34? I just turn 34. All right. You're 34. Yeah. I was trying to make him 35 How old are you I just turned 35 Friday. How old are you 29?

How old are you I'm gonna be 31 in January really you're older than fucking Dan. I know I look great I come back from vacation last week Oh, still a pussy. Oh, still a pussy. Oh, still a pussy. Oh, still a pussy. Poo-s. Poo-s. Well, here's a thing. I'm talking about death. I come back from vacation last week, and I'm in a rubah, and I'm so fucking relaxed. And the one thing that I realize is coming back in New York City is that you need a fucking, like,

a two-day vacation from the vacation. You can't just come back from Happyville and back into this fucked-up city. You can get thrown back in like that, not. Because my anger, I mean, every fucking person coming at you on the street, people behind you, in line, the fucking cabs, every, I wanna fucking kill somebody.

You wanna go Michael Douglas falling down? Yeah, my anger, and I have such anger, and this what's scared me is that you know I'm gonna have a kid I want a kid and I don't want I have that fucking rage I have that shit from my snap and I fucking you know I haven't fought somebody in years and I don't want to fucking hit anybody because I don't like hurting my knuckles I don't like and I you know what the biggest part when I used to get in a fight back in the day is You know when you hurt somebody else. I felt like shit. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean biggest part, when I used to get into fights back in the day is, you know, when you heard somebody else,

they felt like shit, you know what I mean? And it's like, you know, you get to these situations where you're, I'm so fucking angry. And Kelly, you got no, with my dogs, she was with my dogs, and sunny her ex-boyfriend, Carpenter, fucking cute little twink that she's, you know, don't know what you're doing with him anymore. Trying to, what are you doing?

No, we're done, we're still friends though. Put your bang, right? No, not anymore, we're done. Anyway, it doesn't matter, that's not the story. I'm going to clean my drain and find his fucking DNA and a guaranteed wrap around her fucking hairy lung. No, he squeegees it, remember? Oh yeah, you hit him on the show

yeah but that was like for all time psych we had to do it in the show oh sorry for fuck he goes here he fucked him and threw it on the wall but don't worry he squeegees no I have to say it's like Jesus look at that it's a sweetheart no yeah so someone he slinging ropes dude what up dude? I can't believe it

I can probably just like one finger at all this guy's fucking arccing's super soaker roast. Yeah. Oh. Just trying to write his name. I just smeared up and rubbing my thighs. I'm gonna shower. Yeah.

I was walking Bobby's dogs and this woman. And like one of the dogs was like poo and so I was like cleaning up after one of them and the other one barked. And I just heard this ferocious fucking growl. Massive wolf from behind me. It was a big doberman. And the other one barked and I just heard this ferocious fucking growl massive War from behind me was a big doberman and his woman was like half texting. So she was a dogman or was it a was it a Dogman right way. Let me know it was a dog. It was a big black dog. I mean, let me finish Ruttway lah

One of those he sure wasn't a definitely Why are you encouraging are you sure it's not a right way You're like the automated radio fucking button A diamond yeah, what is a domain have a domain? The point is a floppy all right pointy is pointy is pointy is pointy because the fucking Has the floppy years right has a around nose, but it was told though anyway All right, so she kind of lots of control a dog and and I yelled at your dogs to stop barking and she the fucking y'all No, my dog is a way you know your not their mother. Yeah, well I am what either way what did you do to Calbee nothing?

What did you do to Calbee? I love Calbee what'd'd you do to him? I have video tape him listen to me? You have a boy don't you? I'll be loves me hang on one second you named your dog a rich white kid. Hey, there's a cross Kelbee. I'm gonna tell you what the name means. You want to hear what it means? Oh, don't tell me. Maybe feel bad now. You know your grandma That's the name of the home Kelbee states That's the name of the whole world. It's a KELBIA states. It's my last name and her last name put together.

Her last name was Weatherby, mine's Kelly. And we KELB, KELB Weatherby. Our reasons were funnier. It's so sweet. So go ahead, KELB. Anyway, anyway, so I would. Kel weather be far reasons were funnier So go ahead Kel anyway, so I But I just went diva stop stop stop. I'm I'm diva your Kelbee and your Kelbee I'm diva. I'm the other male dog. I'm the girl dog, so and you be the You're the you're You're the you're you're just the nobody else involved. You're just another dog.

Yeah, you're a witness. Ready? Here we go. Ready? A witness dog. All right, so your dog, who comes up first? Uh, Davis, that a barking first. Davis, Davis, stop it. Davis, tell me, stop. Tell me, uh, Davis. I'm sniffing. I'm sniffing. This is an awful improv group. I quit. I'll be Sniffing This is an awful improv group. I quit

Um, anyway He did nothing that really clearly the dog did nothing this is all When it roll while it come up there he doesn't wait I was gonna wait until it all broke out and then I was gonna go No, but then while I was sort of telling the dogs to shut up, the woman turned around, barely being able to control her. You met all those last week? No.

Okay, go ahead. And barely able to control her dog and turn around to me and said, can you shut your fucking dogs up? And I didn't even... And she's on the phone, by the way. Yeah, she forgot that. That's why she kind of lost control of her dog because she was like texting I didn't even see it because I was cleaning up who

Sunny was with me and I'd call his that's going for extensions Oh I Fuck get upy more shit. No! You do the wrong thing. Oh, bitch! Oh, bitch! Someone's bitch. Get screeched out.

Oh! Screech! Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? Tit punch. Tit punch. Where is he found it? Get your phone.

Smacks it out of her hand. What'd you say, verse? Oh, you were just, so she just wanted your dogs to shut up so she could fucking finish her phone call. Oh, no, because her dog started going crazy. She could barely control her dog Her dog had a muzzle so this dog was a little fucked up. I was just a month here But I had sunny and sunny without even like can I be just in this is right without even like Like no time passing. He just went into like mode and sunny turn around and went how about you fucking watch your fucking dog You bitch. Oh that guy Kelly's sopping wet. Oh

That's when the fucking goop flu on your feet goop flu on your fucking Goop goop all right. We're talking we stop fucking talking over people You gotta let if he fucking talks let him talk if she talks i mean it's a fucking cluster fuck it just came off racist and i didn't mean that i'd basically hate to go all verisay that's when the fun goop flu on his while you wake up you said gook no you know i i mentioned like no no no no

what you think the goop go ahead yeah no it's all fucked up now was part of the new police give him the No, it's all fucked up now. Was part of the, and you please give him the band-ass. You was being nice. So, Sonny, Sonny, I'm raising the Steve and Tyler Asp. I stopped for once. Yeah.

Yeah, the other one who loves the band down around. I, his listen, stop. Let's slow down, because everybody's talking over everybody. I'm sorry, yeah. That's all right. But you gotta fucking listen, God damn it. Just did a little throw with you,

sorry, and say Paul Verst, he had something to tell, and is it illegal from the tell it? And then with someone we degenerated into Kelly getting yelled at and chumped by some bitch. Oh yeah, I'm not even. And it all stemmed from when you, you don't want to fight it sometimes you snap.

And you kick it when it is. You can snap. Well, it's just anger now as opposed to when we were kids, this is my point. But go ahead, Kelly, finish up. Oh, anyway, and he just, her and this girl and Sunny sat at getting to it angry I like a match. She started walking away and said it's kept on yelling and him as he walked away

Well, she yelling though. You got to learn to tell a fucking story. She said she yelled at him Why don't I take my muzzle off and let the dog go you and your dogs and Stop one second. She said this is a fucking What stop one second she said this is a fucking That's a threat she said she has a Domen Pincher which is the fucking baddest dog on the planet my book I don't know in the 80s it was just in in in drug movies. It's always the guard dog Yeah, the drug lord's guard. Yeah, if I have a white house in Miami. Yeah, I have a couple of goramans running around in the 80s It was the fucking dog to have then's a new jack city son. Yeah Yeah, but then you know what it turned into right now

So this dog has a muzzle which means that it which means that it's you know it's tax people and needs to it needs It's mouth fucking shot. Yeah, because dick So It's mouth fucking shot. Yeah, because dick But she threatens my dogs are fucking 10 pounds each it's a silky terrier in a in a shit-to-mix and She threatens how about I take the fucking this would aggravate me so bad I'm glad I wasn't there all my wife wasn't there because my wife's a fucking cycle from Boston too and It's like you're threatening to kill my fucking dogs with your fucking attack dog. It's a Doveman Pincher. You're threatening to kill my fucking dogs because they bark.

That's what dogs do. You fucking moron. Just keep it moving. So what are you gonna stand? So you're gonna stand there on your phone And I have to just shut my dogs up who the fuck The fuck are you To threaten my fucking dogs like those are my kids you fucking it's part of my family And and and then he snaps and he's and I love this kid Sonny. Yeah, he's awesome He said I'll fucking I'll beat the shit out of you dog Awesome, he said I'll fucking I'll beat the shit out of you dog Hang you yeah, you can't you can't yeah, if you don't think I'll hit a woman Yeah, I'll fuck I a woman like you all hit he was gonna fucking knock her out and I do it

If my if I sorry if that if she did that and the doughman I'd have to kill the I'd fucking kill it I have to I'd go get a bat and I'd fucking kill it and then I'm fucking I'd probably go to jail for fucking throwing her down And put the fucking muzzle on that con she deserved it though because he and he said later He goes that kind of girl goes no one ever speaks to her like that she can talk trash But no one's actually said to her you're a fucking can't get out of my face before I fucking smack you And he goes and I just did it to her. That was great Can I say that if you take out Your dogs Bobby the story and plug in Jews, take out Sonny,

plug in Oscar Schindler, used it a perfect metaphor for the Holocaust. Wow. You want to say, I heard her side of the story. And it's completely different. First off, wow, Kelby was out of place. Everyone knows Bruiser likes to go for his afternoon walk. Ashley was simply texting me some titty photos.

Next thing you know, she's like some Australian and some goofball are yelling at me and I said, leave, walk away, walk away. And so I just really thank you wrong, Kelly. Oh, what's your story? I like I can't listen. Here's an underground fighting league. Similar to Bloodsport.

But man, and he won the dark. I am in the fear. I try to explain my wife this is that you, I'm in fear of having to kill somebody all the time or fight somebody or defend something all the time because where it's not like we live in suburbia. It's not like I live in a house with a cul-de-sac and you go to work you jump in a box you go to a box you jump back in that box you go to another box you stay at a little cul-de-sac you know your people and you really don't you

not out and you know the movie theater is nice and people don't talk and we live in fucking hell I mean New York City is a rough place to live. It is, man. I mean, look, they threw a guy, a guy threw a guy in front of a subway, and then other people took a fucking to a photo of it. I mean, we're not in. That's pretty retarded, but that guy had lots of time

to get out of that goddamn subway. No, are you out of your fucking mind? Absolutely. You know how it is to jump up from the surface? Forget jumping up from the subway car. If he would have went 30 yards. Have you ever been thrown off? Have you ever been thrown around,

it's because you're standing up, you're on the tracks. It's probably around seven feet onto metal and wood and and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and and and and water right have you ever if you have been thrown that far would you believe me if I told you seven times my life that's happened really now Why don't you go in the middle of the trip? Why don't you run but you just you understand though you get thrown off that that fucking hurts you react Yeah, you react dude Someone just threw you in front of a fucking train. You're in shock you in front of a fucking train, you're in shock, your head gets hit, your back, you're like fuck me. The guy got up and ran for the probably what his eyes saw first. He wasn't

looking, you don't have seconds to go which way is the best way to go. You've never thought that's why I always, I always have a fucking way. When I walk my dogs I always look for a weapon on the street. I'm looking for a bat a stick a fucking some piece of glass If anybody fucks at me I know where I can run and grab something when I'm walking with my wife. I'm always looking for a way out I know it's psychotic, but like You said something you said something before that made sense I was saying what Jay was saying I was like why didn't this dude

as a adrenaline pop him up? But you said something that, you said it was up to his chest. Like the cement is up to his chest. Absolutely. You know how it is to pull yourself up? From your chest, it's fucking difficult. If you, if it really is, you have to think,

you think you can jump up. You can't because your legs have to get up up to where your shoulders are. You have to literally jump as high as you can't because your legs have to get up up to where your shoulders are. You have to literally jump as high as you can and have somebody help you out. I guarantee you can do it. He'd be great. He's reflexes of the slide because he just hit his head. Yeah, I heard you kind of fucked up, too.

This is one thing that I can't say about it. And you know, she can hit the fan really quickly and she could get shit could get really We the guy who throw oh no no no Paul just got confused. Yeah, I was just like no She can get really real but like what you were saying is if it gets like I was in a situation Recently where my my family was my wife, the mother of my kids was backed into a corner and basically threatened and things were said. And I had no choice.

And the instinct that I had as a husband and a father, it comes out of you in a way where it's a survival. It's like anything. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. What the repercussions are about what's gonna happen Doesn't matter because that's where I need to go in order to protect my family the people that I love the most and A really unfortunate thing happened that which I really can't talk about but I'll tell you this man

one thing One thing that like Hollywood movies like when you hit somebody really fuck like when you hit somebody Yeah, and you know it hurts. Yeah, yeah That's like they don't show that in Hollywood like you know the guy hits a guy and walks away fucking has a drink and like like my hand is like basically like Dan looked at it's pretty much broken. Yeah, like yeah, it's crazy shit that happened. But that is a preview for this Saturday night.

Paul Verza fights. It's all hype for a bar. I want to say first of all really quick. This podcast coming out next week, right? No, we've got a few more in between So this one here I believe if we go on order it should be coming out the 24th Christmas What when is this coming what is this it should be coming out? What's coming on next week next week? We've got the one with Joe list in Nick Cody What's the one after that the one after that will be the live one that we did the

Monday Thursday night I want this one out next week. Okay we did the Monday Thursday night. I want this one out next week Okay, I want Nick Cody now want this one. This one's not better, but I want this one up It's coming out now, no, no, anyways, I want to make sure real quick. What do you have to leave in about 10 minutes? Okay, so you're gonna bill you can stay right and you can stay right you guys stay in and jammin So you're gonna bill you can stay right and you can stay right you guys stayin and jammin I At dance soda on Twitter make sure you check him out monster voice and Real quick you guys

We're gonna be starting to do this giveaway for the fans if Kelly can get a shit together. Are you ever gonna fucking figure out? I went through my email and found the saint. We can talk about this later. I don't want to. Co-edit a paper to where the paper tells. Anyways, make sure you guys I want to thank you guys for the donations. Go to our page at riotcast.com. Click on you know what dude. And all the stuff there. Amazon

Gamefly. Support us through those donate. Whatever you guys want to do. It's all through there. And we want to you guys to support our friends too. It's not just about us. I love shows that help other people out. That's why I love having a bunch of people on here that I don't know because I like how it went,

comics helped out the comics. So I wanna promote some stuff. I wanna promote David Tell's new show. It's called Old Porn, correct? Dave's Old Porn. Dave's Old Porn on Showtime. It's called old porn correct Dave's old Dave Dave's own porn on showtime And is it on Thursday nights? I believe right at 11 o'clock What do you seem bummed out that I'm promoting that is that you are a creative consultant on Dave's old? Are you really? Yeah, okay cool. So you promote it good? Dave's old porn Thursday nights at 11 o'clock on showtime that runs again. They rewrite a constant

Yeah, make sure you have a layer support that show. We want to you know the really fucking funny. Really funny and you know I like Dave he's a fan and also Tuesday night the 18th at 8 p.m. at the Comedy Cellar. Tom Papa has a Christmas show. His own come to Papa show is right here live at the Comedy Cell. That's the 18th. So make sure that you get your tickets that tomorrow night. Tuesday the 18th I believe right Kelly that you get your tickets that's tomorrow night, Tuesday the 18th, I believe, right, Kelly? That's right. Is that the radio show or is that a good show? It is radio show, but he has a bunch of guests on it.

I might be doing a little thing on it too. It's gonna be fun. I love them comedy clubs, venture off the fucking beaten path and let people do different stuff. And the comedy seller, it's great that they're doing this. I'm really happy. So get your tickets now.

And that was, I'm gonna put these at the front of the show anyways. You know, Tom Poppah's like oddly just really close friends with Rob Zombie. Really? Really? Yeah, that's what it is. I was backstage at a metal festival a couple of years back and like, I just see one of those golf carts pulling up and it's Rob Zombie. And just Tom Poppah, Tom Poppah's just like, you know, a soccer dad and he gets

out. I go, Tom Papa and he just goes, I now. No other words to be spoken. He's like, I now. I love Tom Papa. I love Tom. I mean, he's okay, funny, but he's a good guy. No, kid. He's hilarious. He really is. Anyways, we're out of that now. Those are the plugs. So yeah, dude, I mean, this anger shit is, it's scary now because I love, I like my life. It was as scary when I was 25, because that's- Nothing to lose. I didn't. Just another jacket on his back.

It is motorcycle that front. Robert Kelly. I did have a motorcycle. It's really bad. Did you have a Honda Shadow 500? Bokadone, down the street. I went, this was. He's really good. Did you have a Honda Shadow 500? But good don't, don't you think? This was pissed off, Dan. He went out and bought a Honda Shadow 500.

Black, I went out and bought this. He showed up, I was like, I want that bike. I bought the same exact bike. Did he get this? I got bullshit, because I put saddle bags on it. I mean, look at Harley. I crombed out. I fake-cromed everything out with fake out with like fake chrome so it looked like a Harley

When you did the pull up I just imagine you pulling up in front of the comedy club But I can like everything fucking camera guy just fat you were like Lorenzo Lamas renegade It was spelled Ari and EGA Y ED renegade Ha with the leather vest on the Tassels. Hey on the camera guy. Listen, 18 people see these photos, so don't kill yourself. We gotta get the shot.

I gotta get the shot. One leg on a chair and shit. God bless. Leave all for the perfect picture. I don't know. It's back then I didn't give a shit. I used to fight all the time. I remember there was this kid, this comic, Spike Tobin.

He killed me. He killed one night. He killed me. He killed one night. He just killed. He never really killed. One night at next he's killed. And next is when next was next. It was 500 people. He came down so psyched. He came out and just headbutted me. But out of happiness. Not out of like I got some. I just picked him up and threw him on a car and choked him. I was like oh fucking kill you I mean Great set bro You're a bit of a fight in a comedy club before yeah, I fucking choked out. I remember I've done

Sometimes no a fan or not a fan this guy just man. I love you Bobby Kelly or not a fan this guy comes to me and I love you Bobby Kelly get on me Yeah, this guy was fucking with me while I was signing autographs and he kept throwing digs and digs And I finally I just got up I flipped the table I grabbed by the throat and I fucking squeezed his trachea And I felt shit cracking let me tell you something that frost Well, but here's the thing is that it's stupid. It's fucking dumb. And especially now that I have, I give a shit about stuff. And you're right, when you hit somebody, it hurts. If you don't know what the fuck you're doing, if you're not a professional fighter,

and you don't know how to throw a punch, or take a punch, you know, I always wondered why those guys would get punched and do sparring and hit a medicine ball. It's so that they can toughen up their body to take these shots. If you punch me, it's gonna hurt. You know what I mean? My therapist said it the best. You should save all your rage for these assholes

and these people that you don't care about when you have to defend your family, when it matters. That's when your rage, that's when your fucking rage should shoot out to when it matters. It's funny, I actually had this conversation a Lot in the recent months was like friends and stuff even about that like whole But I don't know if it's always wanting to fight necessarily, but it's like

It is like I harbored like a lot of like anger like I feel like I'm always like eating shit in some way You know, I mean so it's like I do like like that rage, but it does reflect itself in every kind of way Yeah, so it's like you be if you're if I'm at the mall for five minutes longer than I want to be there It's like every person I talk to just like he's yeah, I want to smash people in the face I was like and you just get like all like just you all shitty about it But it's not that I want it has not I'm me having a family doesn't make me want to smash people in the face me Not wanting to do it because I have a, I give it shit. I care about my, I have, I have a, dude, if something, this is what happens, you punch somebody,

they fall the wrong way, they hit their head, and they're in a fucking coma. You're done, or the other side, you get the, I've gotten, look, I've gotten knocked out, woke up four hours later in the hospital. I almost died. The guy almost killed me. That close to killing me.

And it's like, is it worth it? It's only worth it when it really fun. You have no choice. You got no choice. You got no, yeah. Survival mode is a time. Where you back against the wall? You do it.

You're a winner. You're a hero. Just believe. Fighting for justice. Fighting for justice. Fighting for family. I mean, we still tried to bother fighting now. What you did? Dad!

You've got a family. You've got a give all you got. You make it to the... You've got a life to fight for. You're gonna face the things with the destiny. You're gonna take the rings and go through the turbulent times. Yo Bobby! Don't threaten my dogs, dude.

Dad! You're not a small one, Dad! No, I'm not touching those guitar. Those strings anyway. You want your air guitar or the actual guitar? Dad! Were you there for the big, me and Lewis in the room,

clearing at CB's, comic club? No. When me and Lewis got, it was like the... Both Lewis's stuff. Last time, of course, Lewis had my back. Let's do it, dude. Lewis had my back when he thought it was about to be in fight. He was already a...

He's the human pit bull. I'm like, he must take him off the leash. I know this shit. I came off stage and I grabbed a guy by his throat and slammed him through a table. And then he had three buddies with him and his buddies all got up. And then I didn't eat, not one of them even got near me.

And they weren't very aggressive, by the way. Either these guys, these guys got, and they were like, they're all beards and they're rough. It just got real. It just got real. It just got very real. And they weren't expecting to get that real. And Lewis has been counting down days

until it gets real. Yes, and Louis just jumps over me and you're like, you're just throwing them on the ground, weren't it? You're not the way, Kate. It was insane. But I felt immediately, like Wayne was there and Wayne literally blocked my eye.

I had the guy on the ground. I was gonna punch him and Wayne tackled my arms. Save it for the tournament. And you were winn' up. You were the winner. Tommy gun only fights in the turn. You were win. You were the winner. Tommy gun only fights in the ring. Absolutely for it. He tackled my arm.

But then once my wanes try to hold me back while these guys are like scurrying at the stop it. Stop it. No, but it's actually exactly my point. Yeah, because as he's holding back, I just reached around. I'm like, I'm like, I'm going to say he's actually honest. He's trying to fuck dry hump him from yeah, yeah, stop it. He's asking me into the dick But I put my arm around my mouth and I'm laughing already as these guys are scaring upstairs

I'm like and he's like what I go I go you know, I'm not gonna chase them that I go that was ridiculous I go what the fuck did we like immediately? I was like what the fuck that we do what do we just do it was It was so retarded, but why wait as I'm saying that yeah, Lewis is outside throwing them all in the Carrier's deal. Here's a deal. Here's a deal. There's Lewis just outside Okay, fine, but here's here's a little more to buy this kit Lewis has a baby on the way Yeah, Lewis has a beautiful chick. Yeah, all right and and if Lewis is I tell him all the time settle the fuck down I know where he's coming from I've been there, but it's not worth it Because that's a person I've been Lewis Lewis Lewis doesn't fight he really doesn't fight

Lewis is so I'm scary the fight that I Instigated not instigate but the fight that I got going in at CB's is the only physical fight. Lewis is now one other thing happened since he was a teenager. So that's actually what makes me nervous about Lewis is Lewis just starts going off with the mouth. Yeah, but you're like, all right, all right. Listen man, that's not, that doesn't make sense. So I'm saying Lewis, his rage, it doesn't matter

if you don't fight that one fucking time that you do. Sure. You're in a fucking nightmare situation, you're arrested, you're gone. Now you can't make money and you fucking kid is alone and you check, it's just a spiral of horses. Oh, but over, over what, no. It was a jail for years.

Over what? I pulled up tonight. I'm getting out of the cab, my credit card didn't work. All of a sudden you hear these fucking jacks. Steve opens the door for me. He's like taking my bags, helping me out, right? Big head Steve. And the guys for these two nunsios,

probably from Brooklyn, whatever. A yelling, all right, let's go. Get in out the cab. Yellen, right? Really? Yeah, and old me would have been like, what the fuck, go fuck us, you know. You're a fucking asshole. Yeah, I'm all fucking do what I want. And I felt that, but it's like, you know, what the fuck, go fuck you, you know, you're fucking asshole.

I'm all fucking do what I want. And I felt that, but it's like, what is that? That's them. I'm not, I don't want to be that. And I got out of the cab. I looked over at them. They were like, let's go, whatever. And I just shut the door.

And I went up because there's no way that I'm fucking letting them suck me into their world. And losing everything potentially either i get hurt or they get hurt uh... and and for what those guys are looking for a fight i'm a coin flip on that situation i really that is that is me on the day i can literally walk away like it and be like fuck those guys and walk away for or i can like really yeah i don't know i really shut the fuck up

this might help you they were really big. Yeah, that helped me walk away It wasn't like I was looking at fucking dead nattamins come on now The other What are you? Camps do they Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I gotta go I dance soda. Thanks for the buy buddy fuck off soda. Hey Where are you going? Go to Louis Katzen show in Brooklyn really when you get in that once you're Netflix running scared Not really a goddamn adult. Okay, it's a great movie, dude

By the way after the stone cold the bruc yeah, dude running scared. That was the one with the kid porn No, that's not that one wasn't one with the kid porn? No, that's not that one. Shut it off! Shut it off! I'm not gonna... I'm not. You can't get me on a reference that you fucking young turds don't know. The worst part is please just fine... Oh God, just screen capture if you can. When they're roller skating, the outfits they're wearing oh

God with the big stoppers in the front before roller blades they were just roller skating oh they had headbands on the down the US this is in running scared yeah they're trying to buy a bar I got an ETA about fucking Greg hours to I watch it Greg Heinz and fucking Billy Crystal as a great actor really great cop I mean he's really good where's all of green winter coat Greg Heinz and fucking Billy Crystal as a great actor. Really great cop. I mean, he's really good. Where's all of Green Wintercoat, the entire movie.

He does, Army Jacket, right? And they steal the Mercedes. Hello, hello, idea, hello, Chasweed Freedom, Shadow of the B, Shadow of the B, Who keeps his spirit alive, Hold it up. I'm totally into this. I'm so I'll see you later. Bye guys, but today, but yeah, it's it's it's fucking dangerous man. I know you can't talk about the situation. I don't want you to get into it

But it's we talk today man. I'll just tell him he knocked out the Taneer Oak fucking cold one shot just tell him he knocked out the Taneer Oak fucking cold one shot. It's fucking scary, dude. And it's I look and here's a deal. I don't I don't hang out anymore. As much as I used to, I used to be here every night. I used to be, you know, so I get to go home and yeah, but it fucking flips me out, man. You feel like I had a weird one.

This happened to me literally the day before my birthday was so it ruined Three days my it was in one of the situations of again like that anger gets new I like like I should have fucking done something more. That's the worst feeling. I got a I was at my gym And the coach the gym went to the steam room and they were all sucking each other They can you walk down like what the fuck I like son have done something. I should have fucking done something. Why do I say and present myself to these guys? No, the way CrossFit works, there's like a coach teaches a class.

And they're like, I like the exercise, I like the program and doing it. I do not like the, whatever reason I don't know if it's all James really, but very specifically that, this core of people, it's a very uh... machismo situated on the line a party got a vagina you can lift that thing up with a thing like a lot of shit what i i get over that

uh... very quick you have to but you're not that i asked a question about uh... equipment thing i was like we don't deserve enough book bar ask your question did you ask the question with your about a equipment thing. I was like, we don't, is there enough bars? I'm gonna ask you a question. Did you ask the question with your fingerless mittens on? Nope. Okay, good.

No, I was wearing my gym clothes. That might have, which is a one piece cowboy pajamas with a butterfly. I said, I go, are there enough bars for us that are all to do this the same time? And he's like, very playfully, so he's like, he's like, yeah, bro, he goes, I just gotta go, he goes, what do you don't trust me as an owner of this place? They have the equipment. I go, I go, I'm just saying, we're all playing. I go, I'm just

worried about your managerial skills without me being here. And I, and I, you know, and you know, game like an arm like not even like no aggression behind it at all. And then I put my hands up like a joky wrestling thing because he kind of pushed back. And I was like, I think we're gonna do it Completely playful nothing aggressive. He jumped in on me and guillotine Choked and like which is I'm still fine with but like No, but I don't know if he put his head on his arm. I go with it almost because I'm like, ha ha, figure me out, pick him up. Nothing's aggressive, but then he just, no, I'm telling you, it's hard.

It's nothing, nothing. But he grabs me and puts, but he fucking puts like a full on pressure. Like where you know my eyes, like fucking went big. That's where I got real. And like, we went down and I took him down on the ground with me and pulled like a wave, and he's just like, ha ha, you've been choked out. And I was like down and the ground like I took them down on the ground with me and pulled like away from it all to me.

And he's just like, ha ha, you've been choked out. And I was like, Lino's like, I didn't know what the fuck. I'm like, are you fucking kidding? I don't know. I've never had a time before. I'd never been choked very much in my life. I had a sore throat for like three days. I'm from a choking. I was like, and I just didn't know what to do.

Like me and Carl, I got a little big argument. And this is like, well, why'd she get to an Imo? What was her stance? She, she was, she was, by the way, it went. I didn't know it was, it really got that serious. She was there. Yeah, yeah. She saw you get choked out. I didn't get choked. It was, I'm second. No, yeah, yeah. No, yeah. Absolutely. I'm telling you, it was like, even explain why I was angry. I'm like, I'm like, I'm a little embarrassed. I go, you're not embarrassed. It was a passive aggressive asshole that did that. Like he tried to act like it was like,

it was very dick-wavy like it was like, I don't know. Can I just say something? You don't touch another human being. Not even joking. You don't joke choking somebody. Just put your head in his air and fucking head and shit. Listen to it.

I agree. So that's what bugs you. In my eyes, that's where the line was crossed, your boundary was crossed when he came over and fucking actually physically tried to choke you. And he put his hands on you. And then when he actually, when you fought back a little bit, he went, fuck it, I gotta do this.

Now I gotta go with it and apply pressure. And then it got to the point where you both went, whoa, what the fuck are we doing? And you went, ha, and walked away. No, he had, ha, ha, and I took the lead. No, I kind of took the lead of you both went, whoa, what the fuck are we doing? And you went, ah, and walked away. No, ah, ah, ah, and I took the lead. No, I kind of took the lead of like, I was like, I just did, I don't know what I was like, I'm not interested in knowing what to do.

This is where it was, it was in the wall. You did what I would do, the same thing. Like, I don't know what to do. This is the people I love with the people that do this. What are you doing? Why would you touch me? What are you fucking crazy? Why would you lay your hands on me like that?

I'm just kidding with you and you just choked me. Are you fucking, I don't have that in me to do. I shut down my decision process in making. Just shuts down and I'm like, I should've done this, I should've done that, I fucking, and I get fucked up because I'm still, I'm dealing with it. I'm in the moment, five hours from now. I'm sure.

And the next day, and I'm reliving it all the fucking time. You know what's funny about that? At least in my beliefs, and we say about all that pent up angriol time, and even the thing is, I'm saying, even like the confident sound of the statement, like, well, I don't wanna punch people. It's gonna hurt my hands. We're kind of taking it as like,

it's almost the assumption of you winning. There's an aggression behind that, and like, and, I don't want to punch people. It's going to hurt my hands. You know, we kind of take it as like, it's almost the assumption of you winning. There's an aggression behind that and like, and a conference put it, because I think you have the same thing as me. I'm not necessarily, I am afraid of fighting, but I've been in a lot of fights. So I'm not afraid to be in a fight if I have to be, but I am very not confrontation.

That's what comes from that. That's why Derosa has a much better, Derosa's in all those, like we were screaming, I know, but Derosa says what his problem is, I don't, and then I let it get to a point, like I've had to imagine Derosa's gonna get knocked on that. But when I was with the Steinbergs before,

when I was at the Steinbergs, I remember having things with them where it's like, I ate so much shit that by the time you explode, you're like, I'm gonna fucking, I go from like, they don't think I have a problem, to now I'm like looking for them to punch them. Let's say there's no one between. I said hang on, go ahead, what do you go say?

No, I was just gonna say that, like I think like with what you're saying with like the Steinbergs or with certain people, enough is enough, and when it gets reached to a certain point, like if the same person keeps fucking with you and pushing you and pushing you, it was like what we were talking about

my son and the bully, you gotta knock it out early, but if that person keeps going, when they do cross the line, it's all pent up. And it just goes, it just fucking goes with the same person. I guess, yes. Still fucking with you. Well, here's the thing though, is that in your situation, even in your situation, is there right or wrong? It's like, yes, you weren't protecting,

you were, you were protecting, you know what I mean? But it wasn't from, you know, it wasn't like, you could have walked away. We could always walk away. With the first altercation, I couldn't have. Right, but look, I agree with you, dude. You know, you're good, but the thing is, is like, we walk around, you guys are like me, I think,

we have this, we're happy go lucky people. Yeah, like I don't know. We wanna bring joy and, for what we do, we'd rather have laughs than fucking anger, but there's something inside that is always, you know, right there where somebody steps over the line. I love guys that can just walk, I love people that just, who gives a shit.

Look, I had friends that were opposite man And I never understood those guys I never understood guys like dude one person looks at me wrong Like you're like you're like putting shoes on ready to go out like you're listening to music like you're listening to music Having funny like oh dude. I'm gonna get laid. We're gonna go fucking do shots like I'll tell you one thing Do one fucking person bump into me at this place because it's a pack we're fucking throwing a fuck somebody up And it's like what are you doing? Yeah, I grew up with guys like I used to love those guys. Yeah, they were always entertaining.

My buddy Glenn was one of the nice guys that you've ever met in your life, but he's super impulsive with aggression. And we've had a couple of situations like we've almost gotten like bar fights where it's like, God, we're like a bar table, like right by the door of the bar, the exit, you know what I mean? Like, not really using it, no one's eating on the table

whatever and a guy's walking outside and like puts his empty glass kind of on the edge of the table as he's leaving. You know, he's going, but we're not even like this like using the table or just sitting at it. And like, you know, I mean, I'm buddy Glenzle. What's that? Bring him in here. My buddy Glenzle. I mean, this fucking room. My buddy Glenzle got to go grab that cup and be like, Hey, you left your cup back, motherfucker.

And it's like, all right, I guess I guess it was a dick move the guy put in the cup down Was it who gives a shit? I've been dealing with my rage for the last six years in therapy You know because it's It's just it will get me in trouble. I'm so lucky. I mean so lucky that it hasn't gotten me hurt or hurt somebody because it's not it's not a It's not a I don't know. I it's all that I have to back it up. I'm not a, I don't know fucking Jiu-Jitsu. I don't fight all the time. I can hopefully throw so much rage at somebody

that I'll fucking knock them out or, you know, hopefully, if not, I'm fucking getting the shit kicked out of me. So, I don't have the endurance to go the distance. But sometimes you don't know what the other person's capable of. Like, I get really scared because sometimes I snap at people on the subway. Like, someone's fucking, you know, like, cutting their toenails on the subway. And I don't even think, but I just go, really? I'm gonna create, you're doing it now.

Yeah. Now, this is an old Asian lady, I'm not afraid of her. I could take her, I know that. But I I never know I might say that once the wrong person and they go you got a fucking problem I don't have any I have great I have great instincts on who not to fuck with Yeah, I really do and it's from growing up and catching beatings all the time You know what I mean? Or you know fighting as a kid? I I just know who not to fuck with and who to walk away. So intuitive of you, don't fight blacks. All Asian.

I'm not gonna fuck with anyone who has a cauliflower like that. No, but dude, you're like. Fight an Asian either. You get a sense of crazy. I was on a subway down by Wall Street once and I took a pen out and I had my fucking work bag on. And this dude, he must have been an older veteran. He wasn't looking at, you ever see those those people he wasn't like if if you're me

He was kind of just like this like you're me He was he was staring at that he was staring at that right? Can I be here? Yeah, hold on hold on. I'm him. He's staring at that NS and he's going and you have a pen You're me and he goes like this he goes we do yeah What are you gonna do that fucking pen? Huh? What do you think I'm afraid of a pen? Huh? You think I'm afraid of a pen. He's not looking at me. He's looking next me because yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, what for you? Terr, that fucking pen, huh? What do you think I'm afraid of a pen, huh? You think I'm afraid of a pen, and he's not looking at me, he's looking next to me, he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, what are you, terrorists, I'll fucking, I stop terrorists,

you fucking out, Kate, and like, dude, you just dude, started talking about shit, and he's like, what, you think that, that I haven't dealt with that before? I'll fucking kill everyone, and like, he just started, and I was just like, all right dude, like, what am I gonna say?

Like, fucking leave me alone in my pen, I'm gonna be like, no, dude, you're right, you can fucking, like, I'm, I'm gonna write him the quickest poem ever. I got, I love you like fucking leave me alone in my pen? I'm gonna be like no, dude. You're right You can write him the quickest poem ever. I love you. You love me. I'm getting the fuck off the string I got lost halfway through that story only because I noticed the Kelly stopped pantomime and holding the pen and You know what then I should I want what you better act my bad better credits I should have went with you. I'm a better actor. I'm a better actor.

I have better credits. Bad, you're filming. First of all, Sonny, get over your cell phone. You lost your audience, so you had Jay and I lost it. Sit at that mic. Hang on one second. Me and Bobby are filming. You're an author of that.

We have a question. Yeah, so I want to know, this fucking lady, this is Sonny, everybody, who apparently, who used to day Kelly, Jews in my bathroom, and... But that was a gentleman enough to squeegee it give a credit first of all, I didn't tell him anything

first of all here's the deal this cock sucker I fixed my ceiling I've got a hole in the ceiling because the guy changed the light fixture and I have a hole in my wife's been like thanks to fucking ceiling, I know how to fucking fix a hole in the ceiling of course he fixed the ceiling, he felt guilty for emptying his bag and your fucking bathroom You probably filled it with his jizz Want to look at as a positive he did all that work for you and then he bleached your grout work with his jizz So sonny like my shower? Oh, it's great

Did you have all five heads going on? I'd go nice So have all five heads going on. A couple of head going on. Nice, right? Couple head. No! Oh! So, I never had anyone in it. You've had anyone in it. Okay. What's that? I'm trying to think of anyone being in here that has-

As fuck you. It's Bans you. No, no, no, gay Joe. Gay, you, oh yeah, gay Joe. Yeah, you made him gay. Look at Caroline's comedy hour, Jizm's and Bobby's bathtub. So. You were so cool about that, dude. But, like so you were so cool about that dude but like you were so cool like I'm

not gonna lie and not that he should fucking be like I'm not trying to make this awkward but if somebody fucking came on my fucking shower I become pissed I'm coming in shower bobby's got all that rage that was the deal he's gonna be on the sun oh fuck are you doing it? I ain't dead listen here listen I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm listen, listen. I'm so, I'm so, I'm so.

First of all, here's a deal. He fixed the hole in my ceiling that my wife's been of quad about for the last two months. Then he fixed the hole in the co-hoes. Then he fixed the other hole. Damn, you J. You feet. Oh, uh, uh, uh what what did she what did you pull you two more loads and What a cheap sunny? Oh you put life bombs and I fix the other life bombs by the

Shadow pull them down. Oh, I just pull them straight out. I YouTube did I fucking 12 you out what you got to do is pull the lights All right, so so the what did she say? We were walking the dogs. Yeah, First dog pooped the little one. Yeah, little one. And kelby, right. Great dogs were. Thank you, buddy. Great name. We didn't come on them.

Did you? No. Oh, I was pull out. Okay. So the bear, what do you say with dog? Go ahead. Took a shit.

Yeah, as she was picking it up. Yes. Other dogs started barking behind us. Okay. Uh, turn around and she's just standing there like holding the dog, holding it back. Like she's kind of enjoying the fact that dogs going crazy. She's enjoying it. Well, seemed like it.

Right, right. She didn't try. Kelly, I don't want you talking. I want Sonny telling the story. Because apparently is a better story teller. Because you didn't even tell us that she's enjoying the fact that her dogs are... She was right at me. She wasn't even looking at the dog.

She pulled her dog back and then, uh, he'll be sort of barking like crazy. And Divas started going crazy. Yeah. And then she's just standing there with her dog, but she was walking by and she's picking up shit. Right. So I said, why are you standing here? Like, keep going to your dog, obviously, as a problem.

You should keep moving. Right. And she didn't. Right. And then she said, do you want me to take the muzzle off my dog? Really? And I said, yeah, please do it like come on Yeah, really I just started yelling. I how could you even threaten me with that?

Can you do me a favor? I want to be her and I want you to be really you but not in the mic just come back out of the mic a little bit Right so okay, so tell me to keep going keep going do you want me to take the muzzle off my dog and have it attack your dogs? That's how you did it Oh, you weren't angry. Oh Okay, go ahead What are you fucking ninja? Why are you so calm? Some little girl. I got okay. Go ahead. All right dog that I'm worried about okay I'm gonna yell and scare the dog. I'm sorry. So go ahead. So what's what happened? So please

Walking away with the dog and she kept yelling I'll take the muzzle off off I'll take the muzzle off right she didn't take the muzzle off So I called her a con when she was walking away and that was the end of it. Did you say you'd beat the dog up in her? I want you to walk away. What'd you say she was kind of intimidating? She was no the girl the dog was the girl Not really white girl Puerto Rican black white girl white girl Yeah, dad hit the nail and had when he said AshleyH.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H. crazy which way did she go up or down east of west yeah towards 10 so she lives down that way can we still find her is it too late I walked after her actually I ended up getting a cab on top but yeah you can't just come in her and

leave that's all you know my shower and they got you see what you see it after he blew that low you see I was then call me one day I'll let you look all of the most of us all he's like if that's your dog's journey so He was like, I love the muzzle of his dog. He's like, if that's your dog's journey, so good. Ah! Ah! He's painting a soft epit-cha.

You a lot louder. When was he? How loud was he? I mean, I was yelling at her. Yeah, loud. Show me how. How she was probably about us far as we were. I'll take the fucking muzzle off.

You should be ashamed. You should be ashamed. You should be ashamed. You should be ashamed. You should be ashamed. You should be ashamed. You should be ashamed. You should be ashamed. You should be a shamed you're a fucking homo do it. Come on. What come on? What take it off? What? He's dying for you scream at him. You're a white woman. You should be a shamed yourself Fuck it take you and the dog that fucking anger

I liked your English accent on that dog. I think you went that dog. I'll talk So it's so we were talking about, but see, his rage, you understand that rage that he's talking about, well, gotta do it. Yeah, yeah. I don't have, I go from zero to 3000. So I go, the reason why I wanted him to do what he did, he's like, gotta do it, take it off, gotta do it.

I'd be like, take the fucking thing off. I'll fucking beat the fuck out of you and you fuck out, I'll fucking dog. See'm I'm in the middle of both you I'd be like yeah, really go fuck fuck you You stupid like I wouldn't get I would go a little louder than you but I wouldn't I'm fucking kill you go You go, go. I do you what you said good. Take it off take it off Come on to me. Come on now you go. Oh, yeah, do it you go take it off. Go ahead. Yeah, take it off Yeah, really you fucking That would go to me ready. I'll fucking call you throw you fucking cut the life and I'll fuck your mother in the fucking

Nicole you fucking piece of shit. I'll fucking stab you dog right in the fucking heart and it is fucking liver you Fuckin come on Can I do one Give me some good. I'll take it off Do it! Get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, show. Jay, do Dan Natterman doing it, please? I'm like, if Dan Natterman forage. You have to do it in the voice. Doug's bugging. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would talk, this is bugging.

You're the much human. I'm dare you to do what you big fat lady. I'm sorry. Don't hear my dog. What's she gripping fat lady? I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole.

I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I'm not going to be a fucking asshole. I don't like hurting people. I don't like getting hurt. That's not my thing But these people want to suck you into their world now. I'm thinking about this asshole for the next week and a half But I've blown away though when it like right downstairs actually outside the cell

I teased one of the waitresses when I was on stage so when I was leaving the club She popped outside and she goes She was like fuck you Jay like playfully, fuck you, Jay. And then a dude in a suit, I mean, a guy, again, not intimidating guy looking at all, but a younger guy, like, uh, and he goes, uh, he just heard behind him. The girl goes, fuck you, Jay. And he goes, yeah, fuck you, Jay. And that was one of those moments where I was like, I'm just going to walk.

But in my mind, I'm blowing away. I'm like, I have at no different version of sobriety I mean being like drunk or or stone so I'm never that guy. I just don't know I'm that's never in my personality to jam my nose in I'll be that but that is but you encounter that every day. I was at Uncle Vinnie's last night Saturday night and the there's apartment across the street from the club and these fucking young douches a little, I'm at the side saying hi to fans and taking photos and they yelling shit at us. And it's like, I wanted, of course I could've been,

what the fuck, fucking, and they'll come down and then I've been there, I've done it, I've thrown full beer cans at people's faces. You know, I've just, people at the worst. You know, it's just like, is it, I just, it's never been worth it to me, especially now, when I have shit that I like. I like my house, I like my wife.

You know what I mean? I like my life, things are all right. We do comedy and it's just, it's putting that dick in their place does feel good, though, my brother told me a great story. He was in like Best Buy, one of those stores and the lady was just shitting on the worker, shitting on the worker, like she'd call him over. She was like this appear, but she was like, you know, the manager or whatever, and she was behind the couch

because, what are you doing? She's just shitting on her employee and my older brother's watching and he's just feeling what this guy is feeling at work. And the guy's just getting shit on head down. Customers watching him and my brother starts to get, and my brother was a quiet dude, you know, and he just starts to get upset and he just fucking snapped and he just walked up calmly he walked up calmly to when he goes listen I just want to let you know that if you ever talked to me the way that you just talked to him I would take that tape he was he was that was in his hand and I buried in your fucking head He said it calmly. I'd love to bury it in your fucking head And he just kind of walked away and she just was totally taken back

But that's just so fucking sad. Yeah, you didn't change her you did nothing no i know that it and you've done nothing except now she i get it and she paint you as the fucking nut now you're the fucking the mean like you if you if that if she if you got to fight with that lady no more you could have been a malled by a fucking attack dog my dog school would have been dead and you're the only home who punched a girl yeah and Kelly would have ran and fucking not been hurt because she would have left you hanging in my dogs but because she's from Australia and you know you never know with that woman though she could know kickboxing or so you know

you know she could be able to have her fucking boyfriend could be a murderer you know what I mean I mean who the fuck know you could be around the corner waiting you know and here's a deal here's your option you either fucking go uh can you shut your fucking dogs up? No, but you can keep moving, go ahead, just go a walk away and then that's it, which is so hard to swallow. It's just hard to swallow,

because instinctually as a human, you wanna go shut the fuck up and go, you're wrong, you're a cunt, you dog's a fucking asshole, and you fuck you, it's hard to swallow that. You know what I mean? I'm glad you didn't either. I'm glad, but I'm glad you also,

if you had got hurt in that situation over something that's stupid, I would have felt like shit, especially because you didn't fucking finish my stairwell that you finished. And I need that done. And it's also, and it's also, take the muzzle of dog as an empty threat.

No, it's not. Well, you wanna see if you're gonna do it. It is. Look man, take a muzzle, your dog take the muzzle of dog as an empty threat. No, it's not. Well, you want to see that. It is. It is. Look, man, take a muzzle. Your dog has a muzzle. You take it off and let the dog attack my dogs. It's happened. I've read about it.

It happens in New York. People take the muzzle. You know when they're lying when you say I read about it. It's fucking the age of YouTube and Twitter. I just think so when announcing that and yelling in a street, it was you wouldn't do. I mean, you never know, dude. You never know, dude. You never know. It's a fucking tag. You fucking I would have a muzzle on your dog if you

were a psychotic you know I mean no you might have to have a muzzle on your dog because it does because you have to because the dog attacks people or or it's attacked somebody before or another dog and court ordered you have to wear a muzzle on the fucking thing right as I'm saying I was saying her threat that she I will take the muzzle is probably Look it's all probability you're right if there's a 0.1% chance. It's still no I don't know if it was gonna happen. I got a neighbor with a muzzle off. She was gonna do it And it's fucking scary. It's gross. You're pretty confident. She wasn't gonna Yeah, I've lived I've lived next door to a house. I had a dogman all my life and they're fucking scary shit dogs

This was like a a Domen aura What would you say what you say? I look good finished that I look next door to a house Yeah, I got that part but like and they're scary shit Like one of them one of the dogs bit my brother once and like just two parties arm really and because the dog My brother was young and he was on the fence trying to get a ball Yeah, and the dog just like a boom and attack these I'm like they're fucking awful dogs, but it was a busy straight Not all of them, first of all fuck all that they're not awful dogs. It's awful human beings

It's that country owns the dog. She don't know how to control the dog my dogs I can let my dogs off the leash and walk with me and they don't go anywhere because I fucking train them They know that I'm the I'm their fucking leader My wife can't do that because she lets them fucking bark and she stay they don't respect her They're the leader with her this fucking dog. It's that bronze fault. It's not the dogs fault I'm never blame a fucking dog and let's it's a wild fucking original dog that you see like in a rubah Just running around with teats like 19 teats hanging off it, because it has new pops every seven weeks. Those fucking dogs, if they attack whatever, but if you own a human being owns a dog,

and it's a fucking lunatic, it's their fault. Yeah, I think it was her brother's fault, because he should have gotten risk control and then popped out his hips, tried to fight for side control. Just to get his arm out of that dog's mouth. Wait, you know, Jiu-Jitsu? A little bit. Oh my god, that's why he's so calm.

Yeah, he's fucking cock-side. No, I got a lady Oh my god. That's why you so calm. Yeah, it's fucking cocks I know I got a lady in my complex. She's a neighbor and she's got this pit bull and she goes she just has to talk so the dog And she treats the dog she doesn't treat the dog like she's the owner. I got you get off your fucking fire It's just it's a get off your phone. She treats There's gonna come to a spot downstairs. There's need somebody close the show. Yeah, but then he took 12 o'clock No, it's like right now. Okay, I want to see what he closes show. I got sorry. We're wrapping it up. No, so so She's got a pit bull and she treats the pit bull like it's a fucking like it's oh There she is coming a girl come in the fucking dog goes

Every time you see I'm not gonna door one day. There's no shit. I'm not gonna door one day I had to tell her something and she and the dog going and the dog trying to go she could not pull you could come in the foyer And I'm like fuck you I go in anywhere She's not on the phone I fuck that and the dogs She plays she plays she plays and she's going you could step there and I swear to God the dog fucking like Like jerk the red she goes you might want to stay outside you fucking bitch Yeah, you know, I would have fucking ripped my leg off and you see the dog and dogs go And it's like that she's going look at my baby my leg off and you see the dog and dogs go errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr So it's not an asshole. I do not tell you right now I'm not trying to be tough. I'm not trying to be tough. That pitbull fucking bites my kid.

I'll fucking kill it. I'll fucking, I wear a pitbull head for fucking wetter. Yeah, but here's the thing. I'll fucking kill it, dude. You won't do shit. I'll kill it, Jay. Listen, I will. You're gonna do shit, fucker.

Kill that motherfucker. First of all, you don't have to kill the dog. They kill the dog anyways. If it bites a child. No, you want to take the life. You want to see the life go away from it. You're gonna have, first of all, stop for one second. I wonder how you're gonna kill it. Do you a teen choke?

Here it dick. You're gonna do it to Jay the J way. Yeah, I want to see him die the way I felt the other day I got Ron Bobby. Let me tell you I love you buddy. I love you too, buddy We're out of here man. You guys have been fantastic. Jay thanks for stopping by give your Twitter real quick Big Jay Ocerson on Twitter and Facebook if that still exists. Okay, man at Paul Verzi at Paul Verzi That's vi rzi on Twitter and you can follow me on Facebook and Paul Verzi.com is a website Can I plug my podcast please go? Yeah, please yeah, please just ganks on cave comedy radio Because right cast hates our guts Which is hold on would you just hold on, what you got?

It's just hold on. Love you Bobby. I love you too buddy. And Kali, what do you got? Twitter is, we're wrapping it up. Okay, a little while FST, you see, and don't forget the, keep those on.

You know what dude, Facebook and Twitter handle as well, like a WD podcast, a Twitter or Facebook is where you get all your videos and keep up to date with everything. Do me a favor, you got. I'm for X-Hanging now. Oh, no. Do me a favor.

If you guys want to email us, let us know anything you like the show. You want to be on the show anything. Just YKWD at riotcast.com is the email. YKWD at riotcast.com, please email us. What? And also, if you want to send in anything for the Christmas, all these seasons greetings, I'll go to the address again.

Go ahead. The address is 6, 7, 6, 8, 9th Avenue, number 424. That's New York, New York, 1, 0, 0, 3, 6. And I will be getting some nice stuff lately. So send some Christmas stuff in for Kelly and anybody on here, Paul, you know, Yannis gets stuff all the time. If you guys want to send cards in or Christmas presents, I'd like a new iPad mini with the Wi-Fi and the 3, 4G

and the 64 gig with the top end. It's around seven bills. If you guys want to buy that for me, I can't get it, but you know, my wife won't allow me to get it, but sure, just, you can buy that throw it in the mail and it's up to you. I mean, it shows somebody who's a fucking millionaire that watches, listens to the show for free every fucking week. I pad, I love an iPad.

You just want a regular iPad. You want a regular iPad? Yeah, generation one, there are 100 bucks you want to get it. You got to get Kelly that guy's come on. So how long do I season? What the fuck? Kelly needs an iPad. I'm going home soon, and I want to take my laptop. I just want to take an iPad. I'd love it if they do someone in but the week after you leave

Anyways, what's what's um yeah, that's on John John Asher Twitter is John Asher underscore funny and on Facebook Facebook.com backslash John Asher and he takes all the photos over at the stand that is correct the uh... comedy club you took great ones of my stage to thanks for the ad of the uh... thank you uh... that is true because in life you know you keep that people yeah i mean this is a i know that we it's it i know that the fans alike what

the fuck we talked about all this weird shit tonight I kind of was a little little weird, you know, but you know, I just think that the You know, I want you to be careful dude be careful. Yeah, I mean, you know, I mean even all this this fucking rage that's around this city Yeah, it's scary. It's something. It's because there's so many people from so many different places all on the streets we're not in boxes you understand everywhere else in the world people drive here to there to there you can avoid things in places we're walking the fuck around there's millions of people walking around you know you just two in the morning is fucking eight o'clock at night anywhere else in this country and

You never know who the fuck it is, you know, you never know who the fuck's around It's a there's fucking assholes in the world and it gets a little frustrating after a while It gets tedious and taxing to live in this fucking city and the older you get and the more mature You get and the more things you have that you like the less you are to go I'm not going to lose it over this cunt. Yeah, I don't want to fight this fucking guy. It's just not worth it like you like you know like I said if my family's in jeopardy and my dogs or something okay let's fucking look let me ask you a question real quick. I know you want to wrap this shit up but let me ask you a question. What would you have done if you were there with the dogs? There's some trucker right now going, thank God, man, I have

look and 10 more. I'm looking. I was left. I need the show to keep going. No, but like, what would you have done if you were there with the dogs? If that's the problem, man, is I love the reason why he's calm and collected. I think is because because you do fight. You know how to take care of yourself.

You're secure with yourself if something goes down with me or any other guy that you can do what you do, what you train to do, to handle yourself. So a dog and a woman really doesn't fucking threaten you. I mean, I think that when the anger, when you get angry and you're dealing with rage, it's because you're petrified. Well, that's what I was just gonna say. Me and you were scared.

Me and you were gonna be scared. You're not scared. And the scared animal in the fight is like, that's what, you know, you know what I mean? Like, if you see a snake, dude, if you see a snake, and when you see like on that national geographic and a snake is like, and that backs up through, that thing doesn't want to that thing doesn't want to do that It depends if that lady caught me exactly. You're right

If if if that caught me on the night I might have you get the fuck move it You might I mean because I'm trying to live Especially in this city with where I'm at in my life. I'm trying to live a better in a better spot I want to be in a better spot. I don't want to be in that fucking rage over some horse shit. But it is, I get the... I don't know, but I might have snapped. I might have been like, you fuck, go fucking fuck yourself.

You know, I'll kill you. I might have snapped. Yeah, because you would have felt like your little dog were in jeopardy. Yeah. And it's scary. You get scared. Once you get scared, man, it's not a good place to be in for any party. Because, you know, it's just not good. I've been there, I've been there, I'll be honest, man. I've been scared my whole life.

I'm just, I'll be honest. I've been scared my whole life since I was in sixth grade. I mean, no, even before that, you know, with the stepdad and then kids in school and, you know, all the shit, you know, you get, you get made fun of, you, people wanna beat you up and they chase you and they hang out after school you know you get you get made fun of you people want to beat you up and they chase you and they hang out after school and they want to hurt you and they don't want to do they know they're gonna hurt you they you know but you don't know you don't know you think they're

gonna kill you I mean or you think people are gonna you know you don't know what you just scary yeah you build up this rage and this defense mechanism to, you know, it's barking. It's what dogs do. I want to bark louder than you to make you, you know, submissive. You're right. So what it is, you, I'm trying to make you submissive so I don't have to fight you. Yeah. But if I have to fight you, then I'm going to, you know, then we start. And then there's one that just fucking bows out and rolls on his belly and you can

lick my asshole. Yeah. Done, you know, that's Steve, all lick my asshole. Yeah, done, you know? That's Steve, all right? Yeah, yeah, Steve is the best. But it's, you know, I mean, if that, there's guys, you know, I know people that are not scared. Yeah, that, you know, shut the fuck up.

No, you know, they can be that calm in that situation because they know what they can do. Yeah. And then they know that they're not assholes. They know they're not scared because it's like they know they're in the right, you know, you're in the right, usually the people screaming and yelling are, they're fucking petrified. But I see that, I see you do that. I see you be like, I've seen you get angry, but I'm also seeing you become Bobby.

Like you can be that Bobby that's what are you doing? What the fuck out of here? My anger is, my Like you can be that Bobby that's like, what are you doing? Get the fuck outta here. Yeah, my anger is, my anger is, my anger is pretty much, you know, Jackie Gleason anger. Yeah, funny moaners. Get the fuck outta here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's not real anger. It's, you know, you wanna yell at my wife. I, yeah, shut the fuck up. I mean, it's, well, this, this recent altercation that I was in, I could tell you, I was very, very calm and I was very up. I mean, it's, yeah. Well, this, this recent altercation that I was in, I could tell you I was very, very calm and I was very calculated. I was sober and I just said, no, no,

this can't happen, this can't happen to my family. Yeah. I was, I tell you one quick story. I got one of the, one of the first real fights I ever got into. Yeah. I went to my buddy's college and we went to a fraternity party and I'm doing shots and I'm getting loaded.

And that was the time. Remember this stupid fucking pinstripe, uh, hairy, my favorite. But it was like, yeah, but it was like the pinstripe. Pantsule. I was like the pencil thing. One of my, one of my, one of my buddies had that, a big, a big altercation broke out in the dorm and somebody pulled this big guy shirt and it ripped and it all moves outside. And it wasn't me who pulled the shirt and this guy goes outside and he goes who the fuck

pulled my shirt who pulled my fucking shirt and he looks at my friend with the fucking hair yeah and he goes Was it you how about I take out a fucking razor and cut that shit for you and stupid me trying to be tough Didn't think I was gonna fight didn't think I didn't want no part of this guy This guy was this guy was a 25 year old sophomore, six, two, I'm five, eight. He goes, how about I take out a raise play? Cut that stupid fucking hair off your chin and stupid me. He goes, yeah, you want to fuck with him? You got to go through me for when that shit was cool.

You got to go through me first. And he just looks at me and he goes, I'll fucking kill you. And he just runs at me. Panic from head to toe. Wanted no part of it. And then it went from panic to survival, swear to God, time to his head coming at me, hit him, got him down, we start wrestling around

and I got my licks in, but the initial hit stopped, you know, stopped it, and then I'm talking shit after, yeah, I'll fucking, because once I got the, once I want to know part of that. When I said, yeah, you gotta go through me first, my stupid fucking balls and liquor, just fuck it, come up. Wanted no part of that when I said yeah, you got to go through me first my stupid fucking balls and liquor Just fuck it come up one of no part of the and they just yeah, and when you see that's the thing though We didn't talk about this part though when you fucking say something to a man

And I'm sorry did I need to run you show longer? No, when you when you say something when you say we like when you say something to a man Yeah, you better be fucking prepared like Like if you say something like, hey dude, you know something, I'm gonna fuck, you better be prepared that if that dude comes out and does something, you just made a legit, you're a grown man and he's a grown man, you just made a legit threat.

So if he comes crazy, like you have to be prepared for what you're saying. You know what I mean? Cause that's a crazy moment. But here's the thing, it's none of it is worth it. At the end of the fucking day, unless you're protecting your family, none of it's worth it. It's just at the end of the day. It really is none of it is worth it.

If you knock a guy out and he's clean, just a dickhead and you punch him in any way, and you knock him out, it's not worth it. He's gonna wake up and feel like shit. And his family or he has a wife that's gonna cry and what happened. And he has a kid that's gonna go daddy, you know, or he hits his head. Actually, I throw you some of the subway. You know, shit happens. I mean, look, that's no.

That's fuck you. That's family. That's that's family is the human race is part of your family if someone's being attacked you need to help yeah that's when you're I'm not that that yeah if I saw some guy being attacked by that guy I would have fucking helped the guy or fucking attacked that guy you know what I mean I mean you got to I know you're afraid blah blah but you got to do something but yeah yeah it's just not worth it it really is not unless you're a fucking MMA fighter and you're gonna make around 20 grand or a fucking that million dollars on

Bakerview is it really fucking worth it to to to get into a fight with some random person over some bullshit because he bumped into you in the street Yeah, that's right. You know, I think you should give yourself more credit though I've seen you very like more calm that I've seen you at any other state. Like, sometimes I've seen things happen and you've been like, dude, why would you even want it? Like, I've been the one going, huh? And you've been the calm one, you know what I mean? Because you're all here saying, oh, I'm so,

I get angry, I get angry. I think you're a lot calmer than you think. I'm calmer than I used to be, but believe me, I've been a fucking, I'm just, I'm trying to admit, you know, I'm not a tough guy. I have a lot of fucking fear in me from being a kid and that comes out and regs, but I'm also not a little thin dude. I can throw a good punch and I can handle myself.

I'll fuck you up if I need to. It's just, you know, it's a scary fucking place to be in at our stage of the game. Absolutely. When you're 15 to 20 something, yeah. You're getting a fight, you roll around, you get your fucking nose broken or something. All right, there you go. When you get kids, man, are you gonna go home?

That's what I was just gonna say, dude. You can't look such a daddy what happened to you, you know, what happened to you, it's brutal. That hurt that. You're as you did, dude, you did so, guys. So you must fuck, you fuck people up, right? Well, getting fucked up is really what you focus on and that because it happens so much more than fucking somebody else

Yeah, you get you know, I mean you're getting choked every single time you go. We like they when you come do you like Kelly to Hands around the back right now. Oh, sorry Never coming back. Are you and Kelly just friends now though, right? Yeah He's like it till I get to the shower Like that new fucking squeegee Um are you going away for the Christmas break or I do I go away. She's going away. Oh I'ma let you stay Only brought to let you fuck his Kelly at my house

Ha ha unless you get my stairs done Um, I want you to come you fuck his Kelly in my house. Unless you get my stairs done. I want you to come over and fix those fucking stairs. At least tell me if you can do it. You took five days and you just went to see everything when he was there. See, sonny roll. I just want to see you roll up. There's houses with rubber gloves.

Mr. Clean, like, it's all about your clean tile, cleaning shit. Let's give it up for the Stan Comedy club. Those cocksuckers over there. Make sure you support those guys that try to, you know, open up a brand new club in the first year of is the hardest. So, you know, I mean, the lineups they put on over there are fucking retarded. It really is retarded. They're taking the young, the youth, the young guys, the up-and-comers, the fucking, and then the veterans, and then new people too. They're reaching out to all kinds of new people that you don't think that would actually play. They're really putting a good wheelhouse

of comedy in there. Funny people. That's it. It doesn't matter. So- Have you done it yet? Once. Oh, okay. One time. I'm never going back again. I'll never work there. I got to comfort a steak sandwich at the minimum doing it. Dude, that's the best. I don't give a fuck. Listen, that's the greatest. I know it's a big comp, I know it's a big, it's the greatest fucking steak sandwich. I'm a dude on Sicilian and Greek. I fucking eat shit. That is the greatest Delicious thing how fucking

I eat to survive so Gravy and the cheese they make a steak sandwich right all right listen to that they got a hunk of fucking beef in there right like raw Like right right right from the butcher and they slice this Unbelievable like like great like the best kind of beef ever, they cook it to perfection, it's like chewing fucking, right? Right, no, this is, they put some Gorgonzola on it with the caramelized onion stuff. And it's chubby. And the top of the pretzel bread sub.

It's a pretzel bread sub. I gotta go, I gotta go. This is terrible. I can't believe you just did that to me last year. Let's go fucking hungry right now. It's a shame. Anyways, check them out. Comedy seller is the fucking,

my home club makes you support these, they're the best, and support fucking the shows. Riotcast.com, go there, download the app, it's free. Download my app, it's free. You wanna listen to the show, Android versions are coming on both, and support all the other shows, man I love I love I really do man I love the network we put together for you guys we handpicked all these shows

Because we think they're interesting and they're doing something different So if you like podcasts if you're on the car if you're on a train if if if you're in a truck and you need you like talk radio You like hearing some funny assholes fucking yapping about shit make sure you go to riot cast and check out all the other shows, because they're hilarious. And thanks for supporting us. You guys are the best. I'm gonna stuff sucking your cocks right now. What else do I have to promote?

Anything? You wanna provide some shows coming up? No, that's in the front of the thing. So we're good, man. You guys are the best. Thanks a lot. I'll see you later I'm going fucking starving right now Kiss on the tip of my dick. I don't know what that means Everyone on the left where I could get a group photo. So maybe we just do one with the three of us All right, that was great. Okay. I'm here. We're still playing right now. Yeah, I know we are

That's why I was talking in the morning. I didn't hit it All right. That was great. Is that okay? Yeah, we're still playing right now, too. Yeah, I know. That's the one that's talking in the world. I didn't hit it. No, it was just fun for a podcast, man. When he stops recording, I want to hear the story. This is, I have to hear this story. He's going to fuck me and shit. No, we have to.

No, no, no. No, I have to. Yeah, you're fucking mind. You know what's weird is that I love that we ended it and people like finally. Now I'm just really aggravating like a few people fucking fuck down they love it like you fuck dude I don't know why you listen to listen to my wife just text me I

mean dinner you come home? What are you doing? Alright, good job. What did she cook? She good cook? She's great. Oh, is she? Oh, shit. That turkey at the house that Thanksgiving.

Holy Mary Mother. I was a stuffing guide with a sausage in it. Dude, we got, oh man, it sucks to podcast Andy right when food got going. Fuck. We're out of here. Fuck you. Bye. I love you. Clark suckers. You know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you more and more You know what I'm dead

I miss you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry You know what I'm dead Really dude, really, really, really You know what I'm dead I miss you, I miss you, I miss you Con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Spectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea

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