Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - UFC 129, Two Bitches Parlor Live

Episode Date: May 2, 2011

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You know what's up, it's Robert Kelly doing another you know what dude podcast hanging out in the beautiful green room of the Parley Live comedy club in Belle View, Washington. Beautiful club. I'm sitting down here with Kyle Ploof. Oh yes and you guys other guys would like to introduce yourselves to the fucking podcast. Many Martin, meeting, Washington. Why don't you come over here man? Yeah, I want to be a very young man. I'm a big, so big business.

Yeah, stop being so blind. Yeah. No, you sit down. I want you in a tube. That's the owner of a little of family. I'm going to introduce yourself. Well, he's the fucking promoter, manager, fucking guy in charge. Manage does everything.

Does everything? Lover of cats. Introduce yourself. I can social-motherfucker. I've done of cats. Introduce yourself. I can social-motherfuck her. I've had a driven buck, GM of Parvola. Fucking one of the nicest guys I've ever met, by the way, just to tell you that. And I'm not saying that to blow smoke up your ass

because you like smoking your ass. It's an old indie-. I'm not a patron. Oh yeah. What a fuck. Can we please talk about these guns? I have no problem. First of all, these bitches, these fucking twats. There was a party of, what was it?

Six, right? A five? Yeah. OK, a party of five. was it, six, right? A five? Yeah, five, yeah. Okay, a party of five. Off to the right of stage. I walk out, you know, three of the girls will laugh and having a good time. The two on the end were just fucking cunts.

But didn't like me, which I don't mind that. I don't mind girls not laughing. I actually think it's funny. I think it's fun. I mean, to know that the whole room is laughing at me, and not to fucking pat myself on the back, but everybody's having a good time. And just these two miserable sociopath,

Kuntz, shows made a decision. Because that's a fucking decision. Not to laugh is a fucking decision. Unless you're a fucking nutcase that can just shut your fucking emotions down and they would just sit in there every time they'd look at me give me a shit face and then whisper to each other well they drank their fucking wine like they were in a French restaurant and fucking Riviera you cut

you're in a fucking third floor of a mall drinking a fucking bottle wine Stop acting like you're fucking a wine critic sniffing the bottle and I didn't have a problem with them until Until they fucking started talking to each other and fucking I kept looking over and they kept you Appin and talking and then I looked over and the other girls kept looking over the girls having a good time It's like you're fucking you know, that's it. Fuck you fuck you. Now you just now you just fucking you're the king shit it's your night your comedy club you don't have to pay attention to the rules you can talk you can fuck around you can do whatever the fuck you want because you're on the place you're the boss that's basically how they're fucking treating it. We you can't tell us to stop talking because I already did I told them don't talk they keep talking so they don't listen to that they don't listen to the

bouncer they don't fuck it was in it we they own it's my club that's what they're out there in their fucking heads because they've basically told me and everybody else to go fuck themselves we're gonna do whatever we want and nothing makes me joyous inside like when I used to fuck the night before Christmas when you saw the big package, the big package that you know looks like a bike. You know what I mean? It's gotta be because it's got handlebars sticking because your dad don't know how to wrap a bike. It's literally handlebars sticking out of it. Nothing makes me more happy like that than fucking having those bitches.

And this is the point. It's like you might just go just go to the bar? I was in there. I was like, just go. Go ahead. You can leave. Why the fuck would you want to stay somewhere that you weren't having a good time? I don't get that. I've been places where I'm like, fuck this. I just leave. You know what a fucking fruit cake you have to be to sit there? And it's like, you know what? Just go to take off. Fine. Just go. And then to sit there and no's like you know what just go take off fine just go and then to sit there and no I'm gonna stay here and be a I'm done I hope that new microphone picked up the fucking fucking cunt it's not even that it's a club it's that's their world it's their world. It's their fucking world, it's their fucking assholes.

Wherever they go. Yeah, and it's a- No guys ever told them to shut the fuck up. Whatever. It's not even that at all. This is another thing that sucks about them, is that they fucking, when I told them, why don't you just go and fucking go, take off, you cool.

Go ahead, you can leave, your friends are gonna stay, you can leave, and they still like fuck you. I'm gonna fucking fuck you. All right cool. You know what? Bye, uh-huh Take your take the last sip of your red fucking shard knife Beat it you fuck fuck and those two girls at state didn't even fucking they hated them Yeah, they're all go today That's the fucking problem with women. Guys, who hate each other, don't fucking hang out.

We don't hang out with fucking douchebags. We hang out with, if I don't like you, you're not going. Or we're fighting, we're fighting at some point. You know what I mean? Girls, we're all go out and two of them will fucking, and she's a cunt, and she's a fucking, a fucking lesbo, and this bitch fucking, you you know gossip all the time let's go hi how are you how are you okay are you good hi good to see you haven't seen you in a long

time that fucking cut I fucking can't stand her what a fucking douchebag last time I was with her she fucking suck two guys off both of them let's get back into the hiding I can smell commoner fucking rap. Fuck you. We just look wrong with both of them. They just look like something was wrong. Like they were autistic or just some shit. I don't know. Oh, autistic.

I was so bad. That is what they were right. I actually suck if they were retarded. I kicked through two fucking recharges out. Oh, yeah. I kicked it out. I kicked it out to make a wish for a decent job. Yeah, what are you gonna do?

Fuck them. Fuck them. What are you gonna do? It's not my problem. I'm gonna leave it in Sunday. But yeah, you know what? I just, the first show had those loud bitches up front. They were actually literally fucking yapping.

But here's the deal. Tell them to shut up. You know what they did they shut the fuck up You know what I mean and you know I look I get it's a comics job to hey shut the fuck up I don't get why fucking people don't understand you come to a comedy show and You shut you don't talk I get to talk that's why it sucks like for young comics like or any kind of comedy like a shitty band I know people in terrible fucking bands I get a hundred people to show up at their show because people can go and they can talk I can do any comedy show in the world

And hardly anyone will come because people aren't fucking yet. Well, it's each comedy, too. It's not that good So I mean that it just put that in there. Some people feel like they're helping you. I had a conversation with some girls who are at Glender in a show where I was hosting. They're like we're helping. I can help you. I was like, how are you helping us? Well you know yeah that's I mean here's the thing too. Let's just bring this up. Now that we're talking about it, Guy in Canada actually got fucking sued because he was at a show and

he Can you look it up on your iPad be the fucking producer of the show? Guy got sued $15,000 and he's banned from doing comedy and I believe I don't know. It's not British Columbia A comic suit just type in our Google search comic suit $15,000 and here it is here it is. It was an x-rated show. This is supposedly This is all I don't this is what I read and I heard on the news. This is what the guy said, the comic. He said, X-rated show, you know, supposed to be a dirty show. Girls come in, fucking sit up front, total counts. They start heckling them, which I guess happens. He lays into

them with some dike jokes and you're at lesbians and I don't know what the joke is where I can't, whatever. But what comics do, if jokes and you're at lesbians and I don't know what the joke is where I can't Whatever would but what comics do if you know the girls of lesbians They're being a con you might go into some fucking you know whatever So you know lesbian they went she actually this is from him again said fuck you I'll fucking break this bottle and stab you in the neck. Yeah, that's a threat That's a that's That's a, that's, that's, that's threatening attempted murder. Yeah. And yeah, there's, there he is right there.

His name is, it's comedian, harassed lesbians, coupled soup for $22,000, $22,000. You have a club on set, oh, $ owns 15000 in Vancouver which is one of my favorite places in the world to play by the way Vancouver I love Canada I did a tour of Canada last year from one side to the other I love fucking Canada and I love the crowds. His name is Guy Earl he has a website you can go to to actually donate to his cause because he's gonna have to fight This in the Supreme Court, which is fucking nuts. It's a comic you fucking you go to a comedy show

And yeah, look what Michael Richards did fucking out of control. Yeah, right? But you're look you're a black comic. Yeah, he lost his fucking mind that it's somewhere in you Yes, it's racist, but somewhere as your comic. He lost his fucking mind. Somewhere in you, yes, it's racist, but somewhere as your comic has to think it's funny. That comic fucking snaps so bad that he fucking screamed. Two black people in the balcony, he tried to be funny. And sometimes when you try to be funny, you fail. That's the best part about it. It's the worst part about it but you have to try and he lost his brain and said,

Nick is in the balcony. He took it too far. But how do we know where too far is and love somebody does that. Yeah and he knows he fucked up and he's first of all number and he's not a kid standup community. He is an actor that fucking got a call from his manager and agent and said, hey, you're popular enough if you can learn how to do standup in the next three months, we can sell out every fucking room because you're not booking fucking TV shows.

Nobody's giving you a gig. You can't be in a movie. You got no revenue. Just go to a fucking improv. They'll put you up there for Friday and Saturday night, give you $30,000, if you sell it all the shows just on your name alone, and you can do mediocre comedy. That's what that shit is, which is offensive anyways. The fact that you think you can just become a comic.

Try the scene. Yeah, I'll talk to the stage opening night. I knew I actually told Colin Quinn the night before, he was like, I would off the stage opening night. Well, I knew I actually told Colin Quinn the night before he was like, what's going to happen? I mean, he's going to go fucking horribly wrong. And then it's going to go right and then it's going to go wrong again. But here's a deal. Charlie Sheen is going up. He's not trying to be a standup.

Right. Is it atrocious that a guy like that can go on tour and sell out a fucking, you know, and I have a hard time selling it on a second show on Friday. And I'm a fucking professional, funny guy. Yeah, it's fucking awful. But what do you, that show business, dude? You can put asses and seats and put it all about. And he's not saying he's a comedian. He's going up telling stories, doing his fucking winner. Yeah. Bo. And that's going to die. You can do that once. You can't go back and tell the same stories. Right.

You can't go back to Chicago or any of these places. Definitely can't go back to Detroit. Yeah. So that's, you know, that's going to die. but he also has comics on the show which he knows yeah Did he not didn't he not start doing that? He was only after Detroit died. He was a good boy. He he um, he started with uh, Richard Fox. Oh, it was a funny funny guy. I've seen Kurt Fox. I've seen him on a Couple TV shows funny guy. Mm-hmm. I mean, but he said, you know, he's a joke.

You know, he tells stories, but he's a joke guy, you know. I've done crowds like that. I've done ONA. I've done, you know, Dane Cook, fucking 18,000 people who are there to see Dane. I've done the Hard Rock Cafe, you know, Paris Hilton in the front row and a hooker table on a stripletable and nine bachelor parties and bachelor out parties, and following a fucking seven-foot gay Russian sword swallow who gets a standing-o every fucking show. You better go out and do 15 minutes. I've done that, but it takes a certain type of comic. It's aggressive comic where you gotta go out.

What's up fuckers? Blah blah blah. Where you from? Fucking hell. You guys Detroit. All you gonna do all those bells and whistles that Bon Jovi does. Detroit, it's fucking rockin'. You know, the side of the room, fuck, whoa, that side, those are all the bells and whistles you gotta do to get the paycheck. You know, Kurt went out and fucking didn't do it. I give him respect.

He stuck to his act. And the best part is he did his time. You know the fucking, the guy running the show was like, oh, let's fucking, that's the money I get to keep if this cock's like a locks off. You know, the guy booking the gig was like, come on, walk off and fucking comic you cock's like, he was like, fuck you.

I'm doing, I'm gonna take a hot one, take this $2,500 check and stick it right in my fat bag account you doage bags so But this guy this fucking guy Earl First of all he I mean you know What I've heard that his show that that happened that was a regular show so the people are there like new Was a comedy walking into yeah, I thought it was a last week a So the people there, like new, was a comedy show. They were walking into it.

I thought it was actually a gay comedy show, to be honest with you. But it was at a gay club, I think. Okay, yeah, gay clubs. So gay people go there, they know it is a comedy show. And yeah, I mean, look, here's the problem. This is what I think. And I know most of you guys in this room are gay.

So you can help me with this. I'm not gonna out, you know, if you wanna out yourself, go ahead, you know, kind of look. But if I, no, I think that the problem is, is he, these broads got offended. And then they went to that fucking human resources, fucking organization organization those fucking organizations that just go after people you know just fucking they they hear the you know rape racist gay bashing they hear these words and they go fucking run it but it doesn't

make sense because you're saying okay this guy can't say what he wants to. He can't make fun of fucking lesbians, really? But fucking lesbians can make fun of straight people. All the fuck they want. Straight women, straight guys. They can say whatever they want about the straight community. Okay? Women can make fun of fucking men.

Black people can make fun of black people. But okay, some fucking guy or old, the whitest guy and there should be a magician And this heck can hear he can't say that and yes, he fucking got mad He probably said some shitty shouldn't of maybe we don't fucking know But here's a deal he should get fucking reprimanded they should be like look I'm sorry for what you said. I'm sorry. Yeah, you know what? We came then we had a fucking attitude. We were talking to each other. We heckled you. You snap back at us. We said fuck both of you fucking idiots. Fucking pussy's.

It's ridiculous that a guy can't and the guy, he here it is. They, you know, not too long ago you couldn couldn't have gay, romantic stuff in books in Canada. That was offensive. Yeah, they had a fight for that. They had a fight for freedom of speech. They're fighting to get married. They're fighting to have equality. And you're fucking saying, okay, we're fighting for all this, but you can't have freedom of speech.

You can't say what you want. Go fuck yourself. Really? Fuck you. You're going to take, look, if you get to say what the fuck you want, we get to say what the fuck we want. Oh, this asshole can say what he wants. Is he right?

Fuck, I don't know. Is he wrong? And then I was actually doing Billy Burz podcast and he didn't want to even give it legs. Because he didn't want that shit happening here. Fuck that. I hope it happens here. If it happens in America, you know fucking, we're not going to stand for it. Fuck you.

It's not going to happen. Now we'll expose it for the hunk of shit that it really is. Canada just brushed his fucking douchebag. Now he can't work as a comic. So we can't make a living. Now there's a government deciding because some fucking stuck up, Jake said what she said. He can't make a living.

And he has to pay her. What are you gonna do with the money? What do you need 15 fucking grand for? Did you want to a comedy show that made fun of boo hoo? Fucking asshole. Because you went to a comedy show that made fun of boo hoo fucking asshole Well, it's just stupid that you look if you go to a comedy show you're giving up your right To fucking have a be sensitive

It's gonna be sad. It's gonna might offend you. That's the whole fuck. We're not up here trying to fucking get kids to Christian camp you know what I mean at least I'm not but anyways I feel bad for this guy what's his name again guy Earl the producer of the show is fucking guy Earl he has a website right guy Earl that he has a website, right? Guy Earl.ca Guy Earl.ca, which is Canada, which you know, just fucking He does. On his website, if you want to donate, I haven't given the guy a fucking dime. But if you want to, I'm actually going to, I'm actually thinking of donating some money. I don't know how much, it could be 10, it could be 15, it could be 100,

but I'm going to donate some money to this fucking guy I feel bad. I just feel bad that he's you know He has to fucking do this shit. He has to go through this shit for the next guy You know for the next comic that it's because if you don't fucking get let this guy doesn't win this case in the Supreme Court We're all fucked Because that's gonna to set a precedent. Now they're going to do that shit like they do in long order. You know, no, there was a precedent set in fucking guy

or over us as fucking Lesbo Dyke in 2011, with a two. Lesbo Dyke wins the fucking, you know, he's got a fucking win this. And this bitch has got to not get a dime. And this bitch has got a fucking shut her face Yeah, you know, it's like light and the fuck up really you took three years in court You still you couldn't let it go after three years now look I'd love to hear this girl side of it too because maybe I'm fucking wrong

Maybe this guy did step over the line and he is a magician Has a temper. I don't know. But I feel bad for a court. Any power of court or something? Any body. Is that what Lesbian's like? Is that what they go?

I have no fight. What the fuck? Yeah, with Lesbian shop. What are the shop? Did they shop in guy stores? Some of them in hub topic. No, that's a dope. I always thought in hot topic.

No, that's a dough. I always thought the hot topic is the gauze. Yeah. Those are the fat girls with zit that ghost hunts. You know what I mean, those. I think Lesbian's going to Eddie Bauer, right? They like the jeans because they're thick cut. Right, they're really thick you can't bend in them there he is right there look at areas first

ex-man yeah he does I got your old looks like he's should be in fucking air supply or are your speed wagon heard it from a friend. Now, if we had this fun, this is a real podcast, that music would play right there. I'm running this on quick. I'm running this off of an iPad. It's actually not so bad. It's pretty cool. Me and my fucking producer here.

We're right. We, he, he, yeah, no, he took, I felt so bad, but he's a nerd too, which is fantastic. Because I was like, dude, I want to get this. He's like, I'll go, it took me to Fry's, which is way out of the way. And he was like, no, it's right here, but you know, 20 minutes later we show up. And then he took me to guitar center after that, which is crazy. But I know that you're a fucking gadget geek, because we're leaving. He has a keyboard.

Who the fuck? The only time you should buy a keyboard is when they come with the computer. And they last forever. And the only time you should buy a keyboard is if you need really a new keyboard because that one broke. So I'm walking out and he's like, I'm like, why do you get a keyboard? He's like, oh, well, you know, because, you know, sometimes this one lights up, the keyboard lights up, and sometimes I'm typing at night. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, that's called electricity and lights that you turn on to see the fucking keyboard. Because I know, because that's the excuses I give my wife of why I need a new gadget. Well you know I need a new iPhone because I'm gonna start to make videos and I'm gonna shoot a movie. I

want to be the first comic to shoot a full-length movie with the 720p new iPhone but I need a microphone for that and I got it today I called it for the microphone. I got it to a hundred bucks I was like I'm gonna spend a hundred on my okay. Yeah, 200 dollars later because I had to buy this fucking Fucking USB adapter to fucking USB hub because some 12 year old on the internet on YouTube if you want the yeti My tour If you want the Yeti Mike to work, you've got to get the USB adapter with the USB plug-in play. And if you like this, please subscribe to my YouTube page and reply.

Thanks very much. Next week we're going to try out the Sony Mitzler Mike that just came out. It's hot. I fucking, they are geniuses. I learned how to cook chicken catchatory from a nine year old. You were making fun of me for getting a eliminated keyboard. Two minutes later, you're like, what if they make a waterproof case like I can use my iPad in the shower?

I really am a fucking hunk of garbage. I really am. He called me right out this clock second. He was like, really? You make it fun. You got a keyboard and you want a fucking waterproof and I bad? So anyways this poor guy you can go to his fucking website. It's called guyurold.ca. Donate. I'm sure I hope this is just a scam and this Lesbo and him are in a together and they're making millions of fucking dollars off Or a fucking of shitty Americans, but here it is

I'm shaking over here. What a bloody joke. 15k for being misquoted. I never thought I would have to correct Defend my words in a free country. Alas, we ain't free Are we? The way things is worded. It's like the BCHRT, which is British Columbia, fucking human resources. Human rights should be in the way. Triburino, they go, humans are right, tribunal. I almost got it.

I almost. I was close, right? I'm not saying I'm proud of the very smooth reading you. Dude, I was. I was. of the smooth reading you dude Look look when you fucking got a point you get a point I Red like he's sweating and Rocky to Rocky to when he was fucking trying to when he was trying to do the commercial Used your daughter sweat because the tribunal of heart What he was trying to do the commercial, he used the diodorant when he swed,

because the tribunal of art, let me try it again, but you don't have to be so full-comene, you know. How about a commuter and bust your chin? Yeah, the fucking British Columbia human who writes tribunal, can't, content that you are

Looked for every excuse to hang me bizarre. What did I ever do to Canada? Except help promote the help of going get carried away except help promote and educate starting Conomics for the last 20 years. Let's not get carried away, okay? It's crazy. Yeah, you know, you know, you know, you know, maybe, I don't know, maybe is, but you know, if you can't do, those who can't do, teach. You can read the pointless findings of the BCHRT here. Funny how they still admit they have no jurisdiction but continue to harass and harm me. Wow. I hate to ask folks but it looks like I'll be going to the Supreme Court after all. That's crazy man. That's fucking crazy. And you know if this guy doesn't win I think we're all fucking trouble. Because that's gonna that's gonna mean some other fucking twat, and it will be a woman.

Will. There's no way a guy would do that. A guy would want you to go, want to fight you, or fucking to blame to a manager, and get a free drink or a meal. That's it. There's no way a guy's gonna do this. It has to be a woman. You know, it's fucking offensive.

But anyways. We're here at the Parla Live. First time here, it's so weird too. You know, you come, this is what I love about comedy right now, is that you know, you got all the clubs that have been there for years and they have, you know, a club in every fucking city. It's great, the improvs, the funny bones. You know, it's cool, but I like what's happening now is that

these clubs are showing up that are just one club. They put everything they got into it. They try to make it the best they can and they give a shit. And that's it. You know what I mean? I don't love that. They care about the fucking talent. They bring it in from front to back and they care about the fucking club Which is great and this is definitely one of those clubs. I heard about this club before I actually came here People like dude. I mean that's awesome because you know there was another club here I forget what it was called what was it called the shit club What was the shit club, huh giggles? I was booked there a year ago and

Giggles. Giggles. I was booked there a year ago and a year and a half ago and all I heard was terrible shit and there's nothing worse. When you know you go into this fucking place and the guy's like yeah dude he fun the guy who owns it runs the bar, waits tables and does the door and then you know fucking ask you for help you know clean it up in place. You stack those chairs what is it? A fucking AA meeting go fuck you. You know I was and in place. You stack those chairs. What is it? A fucking AA meeting? Go fuck yourself. You know, I was, and I thank God I got to cancel the gig and not fucking even go up there. But this club I actually heard a lot of shit about it and you live here, right? Yeah. And how long have you lived here?

I will see. I've lived here. Talking to the mic man. I just lost it. Sorry. We don't worry about taking that with you that well, sick. I've lived up here 10 years recently from California. So, guys, yeah, you know, it's been amazing just watching the trucks. Okay. Boost and shit.

That's how we roll. The whiteest black I ever. Yeah. Boost and shit. Boost and... That is how we roll. That is how to roll. Okay, go.

No, but, you know, been a club that is this... That is how we roll. That is how to use a rule. OK, no. No, but this is been a club that you've seen it grow over time. Just the talent they bring in, it keeps getting better and better, the way that they kind of police the room, and just the fans come, they ready to laugh. I can't believe the crowds. It's almost like they know they come here for comedy, and they like it. Unlike like they know they know they come here for comedy and they they like it unlike some other clubs sometimes they come they've been

there a million times they probably got a bunch of free tickets and they don't respect it and they've never been told they respect it and it's like you know just a bar to them let's go get shit feds to watch a dumb show and then go get shit feds more you know what's sad but this one it's like people come and they're actually here to have a good time. And it's a pretty fucking amazing place. When did you, when did this club happen? When did this start? How long has it been open? Two and a half years? New years, not many years, January, sorry, two and a half years.

Are you excited about how the clubs turned out? All right. I mean, ahead of schedule. And I think it was, I mean, especially when we first opened, I didn't know anybody. I didn't have a business for a long time. Right. Sorry. I don't have, I don't have mention names, but my big yet looks like. I don't even like the personal play for it. Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah. So you excited about it? Now, well, you actually, I mean, everybody that works here too, which is awesome for comics, is nice. The waitress is nice, the door guys are nice, you're fucking great, you're fucking, you know, you're nice to me the first night, I mean, the little, the hotel is fucking right connected, the hotel is awesome, by the way. It's great. It's connected to the gig, which is connected to a mall. I'm not Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca.

Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sinfín de aventuras desperan. ¡Y Paras! Vuelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que se sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consult I would just, that's all I do. Yeah, because I don't like stress, I don't like fucking problems. I don't have to worry about fucking filling the room and do it, you know, I don't, I just want people to show up and be there and have a good show. So you want as a comic. Just go out in front of a crowd that wants to listen and fucking have fun. That's it. You don't want any more

bullshit. And sometimes, you know, you look out in the crowd and there's a fucking chick that looks like she's on heroin. She's been at a wet willy for the last fucking three hours waiting to go into the second show. It's like, can you stop her before she goes in? She's wobbling. I was in line, I saw, I was going in the club one. I saw her girl staggering and I went to the door guy you just let this girl in she's gonna fall over yeah do you think we should what are you asking me I don't fucking I'm not a business person I'm not a community college I wanted to draw pussy I didn't I don't fucking know I know to tell a fucking joke yeah that's like what a let yeah but that's like what a let yeah I know you no, I know to tell a fucking joke. Yeah, I think what a let you But that's like what a let you I know you know when I used to draw I used to have oh such a comeback I made a studio in the basement. I lived at this foster father Ken Lazarus

Well, I you know, I had no place to go. I was in juby jail went back home got sober for a couple years My mom still thought I was drinking, so she was like, I was like, fuck you, I'm out of here. The other place I go was with Ken Lass. And I lived at his place, but he gave me the basement, and I made it into this great fucking art studio that literally I just brought chicks back. I wish I still had this actual, there's a big drawing,

no book, right? And if you you looked it was a bunch of drawings of Naked chicks, but you would see like it'd be one photo Then another photo and then it would just be half a tit Have you ever adjusting their tits? Let me just put this in my cock would be So I'd be over adjusting their tits. Let me just put this and my cock would be... I was gonna throw my cock on your face at this perspective of looking down at a... I did it all the time.

I remember, don't try to fuck with the chicken. Fuck did I hand it back up? Yeah, the worst thing ever. You throw you a back out, right? I was the worst ever and then her fucking ass had the fucking hex marks on Community call what you go for I went to Science Science. Are you black?

Are you black? I'm not a big man. I'm like a brown man with a crack. Whatever I was just doing. You trying to make crack? I guess. Are you a guy? I ain't fucking Wesley Snipes.

I was trying to learn how to make crack, motherfucker. I wanted instead of fucking buying that shit off the floor. I was gonna make my own, be a scientific motherfucker. I can't stand. Make my own crack. and then shout at yourself the same money mall fuck fuck yourself you nerd

no we ain't art though but it was it's like we finally got to draw an naked women and then they started bringing dudes in like and I was like shit don't wanna alert yeah can I just tell you the first time

my first drawing class, charcoal drawing class, I actually had to go to back to my high school, in Maulden, high, I went to Bunkie Hill. I had to take the train back because I needed supplies. I didn't have enough money for supplies. Took it all the way back to my high school. My art teacher gave me all these supplies, ran fucking back to school for my first drawing class, charcoal drawing.

Sad up front for this. The first time I was gonna see kids. Like, for free. You know what I mean? Like, fucking dude walks out. You know that dude smell, like that college just smells like feet and come. You know what I mean?

A locker room. Yeah, that locker room smell. He comes. A room makes and colors. All. Yeah, that locker room smell. He comes roommates and colors. Dude comes out, huge dick. That's just a huge fucking dick. And he had a big helmet. I remember he had a big fucking Nazi helmet talk.

Kind of circuses. I was fucking great. No, a circuses. I was just, he had a fucking fat. And he had a drip of gins. I'm not kidding dude. Oh, fuck! I'm not kidding dude. Dude, that's a clap.

I'm not kidding. Oh. I'm having a drawing. I'm sitting and drawing, and the art teacher comes over, whispers in my ear, you have to draw the penis really. So I start to draw this guy's penis, and I see it. I can still see it to this day. Just a drip of perfectly clear

gizz. And it had to be gizz because it was like sap from a tree. It would not fucking, and I remember it was there. And then it, I remember it fell and it had the string. It's like, oh my god, dude. I know, dude. I was there. I just fucked you up isn't my memory but yeah it was pretty it was pretty fucking crazy but you went did you go to college you worked for the us oh you go to college would you go to college Texas what for what Sam Houston for what yeah for what you said for what like that's a weird question. What do you mean? What do you want to call it? He's like, and this podcast. No, I'm one in marketing advertising, and the second one was industrial psychology. Industrial psychology.

What the fuck is that? He's a psycho. Oh, gee, but then through industrial in front of his teeth. That's more like this. And he's fighting like a transformer. Right? Megacond. Talk to me.

I am an industrial psychologist. You don't want to fight. Whatever the fact is. And you go to college, Tim? Yeah, yeah. What's a Massachusetts college of liberal arts What's that called? I think I tore that in tour gassing

Person school out in Western mass right north of you have a second guys cock Have I or will I So would you take would you go to school English creative writing it's a game in art no actually it's just weird that you took that yeah it's so I wanted to be an author you did yeah you know I'm an author right yeah dude I it's just how fucked up this

country is and show businesses I'm an author I have a book coming up with Simon and Schuster. I don't know what a Semicolon is. Do you understand that? You could barely read Guy Girls' fucking website. I really I have a book deal with Simon and Schuster. That's one of the top four and I don't know how to fucking I don't do it. I don't know. I wrote literally I just wrote I would sit there and write 3000 where I can write let's get this straight. I know how to write. I just don't know where, where, where, where, to you, you know, I'll just write a sentence and I learned how to write a lot better. I learned a lot of grammar. grammar, grammar, grammar, I'm a fucking Boston kid, I'm a fucking Gram Act. I'm a fucking cop. I'm gonna ought to three times. Three, but you quit.

Yeah, I learned a lot writing that many words. I mean, yeah, we had to write 60,000 words. It was me, Billy Burr and Joe DeRosa. So we kinda, you know, here, you write that, I'll write this. You know, I think the longest one was 45. The longest chapter I wrote was 12, actually, the chapter was 12 12,000 words and it's never ending when you're writing a book. It's never ending It's like when you're writing jokes or a script. It's ending you write the scene and you're done

You can wait and do another scene when you write a book. It's fucking words after work and you're looking at that word count like come on motherfucker and I learned a lot But I really when I I'm not a good I'm just not good at it man I was a fucking Julie Hall I went to jail when I was 13 they just passed me through then I went to art school you know I mean I drew a fucking tin yeah I drew a fucking the giz drip I did I want to pull that's right in Julie Hall I want to pull stick and immediately made it into a ball Yeah, dude, that's cool. So you want to you still want to write a book?

Yeah, but it'd be Comedy based dude you should write one. You know, I'm honestly God, dude. You should just fucking write it Oh, yeah, you're on the road so much you have so many many fucking free days flying there, just fucking write it and have it. So when you do pop, or someone says, hey, what do you got? I'm actually writing another book. I'm not knowing about it, probably knowing we'll have a buy it. If I ever fucking finish it, I've been writing it for a year called The Park about me growing up

and you're fucking abuse and drugs and alcohol and going to jail, you know, at 13 to 15 and foster homes and all the fucking places I hung out and all the evil shit I saw. And so I have that book, which is, you know, starts when I was, I think in kindergarten, starts in kindergarten the first time I was ever you know beat up on my stepfather and my mother Get the shickie got her and you know my life for literally went fucking from awesome to shit and fucking then you know We chased them with a hatchet and six grade and was gonna kill them and then jail and all the fucking put you know Because in Boston, it's all parks. Yeah, I'm gonna park. So that's what I did is you know me getting into parks But I'm writing that for a while. I don't know the love app whether that's you I did. It's a, you know, me getting into parks. But, uh, I'm writing that for a while. I don't know if that's what I'm gonna do. I fucking do it, man. Fuck it. Oh, why'd you throw your iPad all in the podcast? You want to go? I'm sorry. You alright, dude? You mad me? That's gonna sound... Dude, my sh**!

That's gonna sound so fucking weird when people are listening. It gets all sentimental and then just... Ah! Sorry, sorry, did I open up a moon video? Stop talking! He fucking hurts. Ha, that didn't even make sense, but it's probably... So anyways, we have...

I don't know if you guys know. I don't know if you guys know I don't know if you guys are into this We got switch gears here The MMA I usually talk about MMA on my podcast tomorrow night is a huge fight Which blows that I'm not gonna be able to fucking see it. It's in Toronto UFC 55 hours in people are going to this fight. That's like old school. That's why I love you MMA and fucking boxing stinks because back in the day they used to have the fights that you could sell out a fucking stadium. I mean in you know thousands of people there was these big mega fights and the guys would come out. It was fucking crazy. You can't do it anymore. Nobody gives a fuck.

UFC picked up where they fucking left off with all their bullshit and fucking, a one second fight, you paid $50 for some horse shit. Tomorrow night's fight is fucking, can I use that iPad real quick? Is fucking insane. In fucking sane. Tomorrow yeah, it's 55,000 people.

It's in Toronto, Where are you going? Some oats. I have a bottle opener right here. Yeah, you give me that lighter. You just fucked up my intro, but that's cool. Yeah, the host of what the Father is gonna be here. I mean, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I have it. No. Jay Hollingsworth, the house I'm seeing here is actually out there.

He's breaking jealous of him. We're at it right now, right? Oh, it's okay. It's okay. Yeah, let me get to this right now. It's, yeah, it's, it's going to be fucking crazy. I've actually gone to, I've gone to two of them. I want to UFC 100 and then I went to the one where Shit

Was that no I went to the one where Brock thought I won beat Yeah, that was UFC 100 I believe when he beat me and then the other one was rampage fighting a forest for the bout one forest one which was a great fight too. In Vegas? Yeah. I was at that. Where? Yeah. Yeah me and Norton went. Oh no she did.

Yeah because Dana White is fucking unbelievable and they hooked us up with tickets. It was fucking great. They gave us like his seats. Oh it was fucking nuts. Yeah the photos I have on my, if you look at my Twitter, the photo on my Twitter is rampage staring me down. I was literally on my phone. I look up and he was in my face just staring at me. And he wouldn't stop. He wouldn't stop doing it. And I kept doing it back. But then it got uncomfortable like, did I say something?

Did I let the end word slip up there? You know what I mean? And then he smiled, thank God. And then he slapped my face. Yeah, it's nice, but it was a little fucking weird. But I wish I was going to this fucking fight tomorrow night. But I'm going to be here. I'm kidding. Did they don't play the fight in this club?

Do they anyway? In the bar at all? No, I have to pay. Could I have the, uh, a water dude real quick? Um, look at him. He's a great fucking producer. I think he's got me. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you have a bottle opener? Is there a regular, uh, other bottles in there? I don't think so. I think this is it. Oh, this podcast is really going downhill. Oh, fuck. Can I have that bottle of water up there? Thanks.

Hey, the best. So anyways, whoever fucks you, put your fucking lips on this. I'm going to get fucking middle-er-ades right now. I'm going to get... I'm going to get... Yeah, feature-ades. Your act is going to decline so quick. I'm gonna get you have feature aids Your act is gonna decline so quick. Yeah, I'm gonna have to start selling more merch That's what we call it when you I don't stand condos. I little refuse the gig

There's a condo. I'm like nope by and because I saw my state of one was like six years ago and I got fucking middle of raids. The middle of, you know that fucking dude just traveling every weekend, middleing across the great country of ours. And just getting the flu and not taking care of himself and not telling anybody because he's gonna make it to the next gig. And then they don't wash the sheets and there I am fucking shaking on stage. Fucking MC fucking Gizz AIDS. But anyways, this fight is f**king unbelievable. It's George St. Pierre fighting Jake Shields, which is f**king crazy. Jake Shields, I don't know if you guys know, he's actually from Strike Force. He was the champion over there and he fucking bailed out of it

to come to UFC. As soon as his contract was up Dana White came in and fucking grabbed him which is great. Yeah his record is crazy but It's you know George St. Pierre's is crazy because he's the fucking champ in the UFC and then the next one is Jose Aldo or some people I think Joe Rogan calls him Jose I don't know why it freaks me out. Is that what it is? Is it French? I don't know. I don't know. It's it's it's pretty from Brazil So it's it So it's Jose. I'm saying, I'm not saying Jose. Sounds like Jose and the pussy cats. I can't do that.

Jose Aldo is fighting fucking Mark Hominick, who is a beast. And then you got fucking, you got another fight. You got Randy Gator is fighting Leonardo Machita, which is fucking nuts. And then Ben Henderson, who's a champ, is fighting fucking Mark Bosek, and then Nate Diaz is fighting Roy McDonald, which is fucking crazy. I mean, the whole card is nuts. I don't give a fuck if you're not a fan of the UFC or MMA. This show is gonna be retarded 55,000 fucking people

Watching a ring and the and men be men and fucking shut a door and fucking beat the shit out of each other and then hug each other at the end Because everything's all right. I can't wait and I tell you right now. Who do you think is gonna win the George St. Pierre and Jake Shield Probably shields man really Who do you think is gonna win out of George St. Pierre and Jake Shield? Probably Shield man. Really? It's a bold statement right there. Do you know you don't know any of them? No, he's got to come out slinging this. I love that he's so honest.

He didn't even fucking try to say it. Jake Shield, you didn't even know the fuck he is. You would just shook your head and no, I have no interest in that. I see. No, I actually do like you. All right, so guys, who do you think's gonna think? Uh, Satan's here and he ends down like really? Yeah, how many wins does he have? Like since he had the title He's had the title for how long then? How do you think he's gonna win? Just wear the guy out. You know, you just, that's what he's done with the last couple. He's just taking him to the ground

And I do think, how do you think she'll just gonna win? She'll just gonna kick him to the ground. How do you think, how do you think Shale just got a win? Shale's gonna kick him in the fucking face. You're gonna do it. Fucking feel gold. You're gonna be able to fucking feel gold. You just said that. You're gonna do it out of that. Anderson Silver. Anderson Silver, you see what he did?

Oh, yeah, yeah. You see that fight? No. He said Steven's a gold. The Steven's a gold told him that. Yeah, he came out literally fighting this guy through a front face kick. Yeah. Not the guy out.

Like, instead, like in a karate class, you do. Dude, just like, front face kick, hit him in the chin, knocked him. Knocked him, I'll call the fucking crazy shit I've ever seen. He is. But, to be honest with you, I don't think that Jay Sheel is going to win this fight. What time is that? It's at 9 o'clock, right? Yeah.

Well, you can watch the three of them on Facebook. And then I'm going to bring my computer tomorrow night because I know a website, Wink, Wink, that we can, what? Do you have it no it's a Mac well maybe I can bring mine but they still aren't able to this oh fuck dude that being put it right on the TV because I have a website wink wink that plays it but they also show this is why the UFC is the shit they show the fights on Facebook for

free, a lot of the pre-lips. So you can watch that shit on the computer and then watch the regular fights, stick it up there, which would be fucking insane. But there's no way he's going to win, man. There's no fucking way he's going to win. James Hempier is a fucking monster. And every, I mean, look, he's, his fights are boring, he doesn't finish, look he's he's fights a boring he doesn't finish But he's fucking incredible his he's just he's just so well-rounded fighter Jake shields

He did good against Henderson, but he didn't fucking kill him Dan Henderson Didn't fucking kill him. I mean it was it went the distance and he won But it wasn't like wow holy fucking shit and George St. Pierce on another fucking level man His wrestling is crazy. He's fucking his boxing is off the fucking chain now his jab is ridiculous Now he's doing gymnastics. What the fuck is that? I don't think he's gonna win, but you know what? I I hope he does I hope he does I hope Jake Shields does. At least puts in a fight. But if Jake Shields, I think Joe Champier is gonna win. It's gonna be a five round decision. He's gonna win. It's not gonna be fucking, oh my god, exciting. And I think, you know, it's gonna be sad because Jake Shields now is gonna go to the bottom of the fucking barrel and fight his way back up again because being can't can't it up you're already the champion you fought for the belt a bunch

of times you're in your home fucking country in front of 55,000 adoring fans you fight in the new guy who's had one fight in the UFC that was mediocre by the way he won but it wasn't all great and now you're fighting the fucking champ against those odds that's that's's tough. Now you got Jose Aldo against Mark Hamnick. Who do you think you're gonna win that? You know him? I don't know either. You guys both so white guy. That's fucking. I'm going to the Spanish game. Yeah, Jose Aldo is no, Mark Hamnick is a monster. They call him the fucking machine. He really is a monster

But I'm gonna have to go with Jose out though. Jose out those fucking creepy Talented like like he came out of on a fight and he came out and threw a flying knee He picked one knee up and then he hit the hit him with the other knee and knocked the guy down That's crazy athletic holy shit fuck me You know what they I'll tell you I don't know what these are they tell you after the fight Which I love about the UFC George here's making a shit load of money. It's gotta be And now usually this 16 to 20,000 people at the events. So 55,000 people, they're making money. It's a $10 million gate right now.

The main event there's some making cash. They're going to be- The money's going to be crazy. The bonus is usually $60,000, $75,000, and then $50,000, but it's fighting the night, submission of the night, and knock 50-50 thousand dollars, but it's fight of the night, submission of the night, and knock off the night, knock off the night. And the U.S. is pretty good too, because if there's two good submissions, they'll give them out.

If there's two good fights, they'll give them out. He really hooks people up. So they're going to make a lot of money tomorrow night, especially Jose Aldo, Hamnick, but especially Jose Pierre and Jake Shield. They're going to walk out of way of that fight, at least make enough money for, you know, to pay rent for a couple more. And then we got Randy Gator versus Leo DeVachita. Randy Gator is a veteran. He's 46. He's been champion in two way classes. He's won his last three fights, so some show like. I'll sick. I don't know some crazy shit

He's the guy who beat Mark James Tony the boxers. He fuck out of him Leona machita's a young guy got lost his belt to show gun But he's still one of the most talented fighters in the fucking planet He's coming back off in the entry. He's coming back off in the injury and he's basically a young guy who just lost about fighting a fucking old champion fucking one of the greatest in the sports. So who do you think is going to win? I like Machita. The white guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, They call him Captain Mercury in the best shape of his life. He's unbelievable. He could fight anybody But here's the deal. I'm going Machita knockout. I'll say it. You didn't say it And then the other fight that is Nate Diaz, a Rory, and McDonald's Nate Diaz all the way I'll take a fucking Diaz brother on the day of the fucking week. Why?

I don't know they just cock you. Yeah, because they're the fucking baddest mother fucking planet. I'd be cocky too. You think if I could kick the shit out everybody, you'd think I'd be hanging out with you fucking birds, doing a podcast, and be threatening people at a bar. Be fuckers, ain't you chick? I'll touch your pussy for a second, you mind you? I'm gonna tap her pussy, play a little fucking Star Wars. I love that tune, banememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan I really tomorrow night is gonna be fucking epic the whole event. I mean you can go through the whole list

There's so many fucking fights on there That are fucking great that I'm not gonna go through cuz I don't have time but yeah Great by the way, you're the first person that actually speak up and have a question Oh, you just fucking me At the first time I've ever had a chance to speak over you. Yeah, you can I've had a fancy face over you. Yeah, you can. I got a fucking, I got a, I got a Yeti mic. It has a number one rule of the podcast is not speaking over people. You can actually say something and then I

show up. See how I just did when you started talking to talk and then I jumped in at the end. So if it came down to his and so versus George St. Peter. I've fucked George St. Peter. Oh, is that Oh, what's your question? Yeah, now if the fight came down to George St. Pete versus Anson Silver who would win? Anderson Silver. You really? Absolutely. Right. Because he's he'd have to go St. Peter would have to go up in a weight class. Oh, yeah, I have to go up in a weight class and actually fucking, you know, I mean, that's hard to do. Yeah, it's hard to go up and down a wake lot especially 15 pounds and then say that jumped up and down

a wake last yeah but it's not I mean he's look what is he he went to 205 it's not really a catch weight when he fought to beat the fuck out of them I think he should be 205 yeah I think he should be 205 and he should fight Jones John Jones that's the next fight he should have yeah I don't think that he should be fucking they should be fucking, they should be making George St. Pierre go up. You know, and we'll see what happens too, because if, say what, if Shield wins,

oh, I'm telling you, nothing better. It's a fucking 55,000 Canadians watch their fucking Golden Boy take a hot one from fucking, just a fucking redneck from the country. Exactly. American with an overbite. I love the way we're in safe. Two with everybody. Oh Jesus.

Yeah dude, I'm really excited. And you know, plus you know, fucking Rogan, you know, he's fucking him and Goldie. It just, Rogan's hilarious. He's so smart and intelligent on it, but he's funny too. He cracks you up, but you know, the judges do something stupid or something happens. It's just funny. So, you know, go into the event. The only thing that sucks is you don't get to hear Rogan do the commentary. Yeah. And then you're going to have Ariel Hawani. You know who he is. Yeah, if you like MMA, go to MMAfighter.com. I believe it is. Androl Hawani is one of the top, I don't know,

what the fuck, reporter, MMA reporter, I guess he, yeah, MMAfighting.com is actually the website that they use. They have an app too, which is fucking great. He's one of my favorites. All the videos he does is fucking great. Go to the website. If you want fucking great interviews with fighters, long, great questions, funny, good interviews

with fighters, the best guy, Errol Hwani, hands down. And you know what, Mike Stracha, he does another great. If you want great interviews with fighter with people that know fighting, but ask great questions and it's just great shit Mike Schrock, but area wanted to go to those websites It's one of my favorite websites for interviews and news too. So tomorrow night's gonna be a huge fight. It's gonna be fucking great I already made my picks. We have two shows here tomorrow night at the parlor live in

Bellevue, Washington. I would tell them people all week, I was in fucking Portland, Seattle. Some fan goes, dude, it's not Portland, you fucking idiot. You're in Bellevue. I was like, ah, come on, Portland sounds better. But I'm in Bellevue, which is fucking great club. I don't know if you, anybody, Seattle's a great place to be, but this club is going down as one of my favorites.

I hope I can just make it through tomorrow without incident and have two great shows so I can be welcome back here again. And I hope I don't become hugely famous in the next year so that I literally just say, fuck you. Yeah, and you seem to be tired. I wouldn't have never do that. Let just say fuck you. Yeah, and you seem to be tired. I would never do that. Let me tell you something.

I'll say it on record right fucking now. I will always come back here and do a show. The money's going to be different. The most important thing. And I'm not doing fucking Thursday and Friday night. But I will fucking come here and do shows. I don't care how big I get. I will always come back to this place and do a show.

I really can't tell you how much I like it. But you have to be here. If you're not here, I'm not fucking coming back. And this black kid has to be here. And why don't you close? I don't care if he's here. But really great fucking club. What are you doing?

You have me put in writing way. I'm recording. Oh, you Robert Jesus. It's on my podcast Fucking wrapping that up now I ask you at the beginning of the podcast you know of a good recording device I know I was doing the research while you were talking about parts and shit. Oh, my shitty childhood. Jesus, why are you talking about parts and shit? You mean my best part? My parents love me.

Oh really, I'm sorry. Oh, fucking asshole. Did you hear it? Did they really love you? Separately. Separately? That's why. I've been. Separately? That's wild. I hope they didn't love you together. That's weird.

Just every day you can hold on to each other. Come here. Hi, son. There's a hug each other in the parks. What do you want to prote? Anything Twitter? What do you got? Uh, Twitter.com. That's Kyle Ploof. KylePloof.com. Facebook.com. All right. we get it. What do you want to promote?

I'm up and coming movie, the one-minute comic, Bill Burr's actually in. It's really. I got a cameo in it and a lot of other guys, so the thing. I don't like the fucking, I'm looking, I'm with Burr on a movie. We're doing a lot of shit and he didn't tell me about this movie. What is it? It's about a legendary comic, his name is Rob Stampson. Who's the What is it? It's about a legendary comic his name is Rob Samson

Who's the star of it? Who's in it? Oh, Sam McCann is what the one-minute comic and I know bits and pieces. It's a mockery But like the most famous comic in the world that's coming back to Duke comedy and he only does he's a headliner Headlines everywhere, but he only does one minute never does the in it twice. And they just got every comic that came through here and interviewed him and... It's really that 50 minutes he goes up and does one minute. What the fuck, why are I not in this movie?

Let's get you in it. No, no, no, no, no, I'm not gonna be in it. Ha ha ha ha ha. Fuck it. I'm in my own movie which is in Tribeca by the way. Ha ha ha ha. Hilling every fucking night. Sunday night is the last one.

Oh yeah, I'm gonna get you a clip. I'll definitely watch it. It sucks though, because you know, it's so much better to watch it in the theater. It's so much, I watch it on the computer, and it's good. But when you watch it in the theater, it's so, you notice everything. You notice all the new nonsense.

I'm gonna screen out there. Okay, but yeah, I'll definitely hook it up tomorrow and then I wasn't to say so is that you promoting that movie that you did at the end of the year? Yeah one minute comic that I suppose later this year we'll see how production goes so hopefully it'll be finished and done. Well I don't care about it because I'm not in it so. Damn it. You know and you just promote the fucking club that you've worked so hard to put together and you did a beautiful job. Parla Live, Comedy Club Bellevue. What's the website?

Parla Live.com. Could you be a little more enthusiastic? God. Oh my God. How long have you been out? I know. We've been up all fucking day. I'm running around fucking Apple store twice today,

trying to fucking just do this one podcast. PaulaLive.com, and you go to my website, Robert Kelly Live, and the podcast is up there. You know what, dude, on iTunes and get my fucking app, Robert Kelly app, because the podcast go up there. I had tons of new video but putting up there Is happening so make sure you get my app is I'm gonna actually put some video up there right now I'm gonna take some goddamn video of us doing this podcast as We fucking speak

I'm handing him around the room What's that? My app. Yeah What's that? I got a pay for it. My app? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Are you buying it right now?

How much? Where is it? It's restricted. You got to be an adult to get my app. You got to be an adult to get my app. You got to be an adult to get my app. You got to be an adult to get my app. You got to be an adult to get my app.

You got to be an adult to get my app. You got to be an adult to get my app. You got to be an adult to get my app. You got to be an adult to get my app. You got to be an adult to get my app. You got to be an adult to get my app. You got to be an adult to get my app. You got to be an adult to get my app.

You got to be an adult to get my app. You got to be an adult to get my app. You got to be an adult to get my app. You got to be an adult to get my app. You got to be an adult to get my app. Alright then, we're actually doing the podcast right now. Fuck the rock around, going around the road. I need to ask you about that. What do I need to get, what do I get what? An app? Yeah. I'll hook you up. I got my program as the shit. That's kind of a ploof.

Many martin. Many martin. It's a nice. I think we need one. I'll hook you up. That's Ruben. Who fucking, he's the monitor one on the fucking show tonight. I'll hook you up. That's Ruben, who fucking... He's the monitor one on the fucking show tonight.

But he's a very sweet guy. And we were on your website by the way. What was up with that? On my website? Oh, right. And this me. So, I'm on the fucking show. There we go.

That's it. Do the podcast right now. Do the podcast right now. You're a guy getting put up there. So that's it man. Podcast before these guys are going off to random conversations. The podcast is fucking over. I hope the new sound sounded good. I have no idea. It's an hour and four minutes. You have any questions anything you want to know anything you want me to answer on my podcast. RK fan at robbercallylivecom, and email me. I will definitely

fucking answer it. And if you liked the podcast, make sure you spread the word, Twitter, Facebook, it, get the fucking word out there, get it off of iTunes, leave a review, and let's make this thing happen. I'm trying to upgrade a little bit, make the sound a little better. I'm going to actually do one on the computer the next time, and we we're just gonna try to make this thing a little nicer and better every time I fucking do it. But when the fuck do you get to sit in a room through a you know full of comics after the second show on Friday with a fucking mediocre an open micer and a dreamer. And then me. So I want to thank you guys again and that's it for the fucking, you know what dude podcast, God bless you. ¡Ven y vive la emoción de la Navidad con Isema Madrid.

Malinche, Guá, Juvenalia, Cir clásica, oro viejo, Christmas by Starlight, Bres y muchos más para disfrutar con familia y amigos. La Navidad cobra vida con Isema Madrid. Entre Enifema.es y compra tu entrada. Isema Madrid, Siente la Inspiración. Madrid, siente la inspiración.