Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Uncut Brit

Episode Date: September 5, 2016

This week on YKWD: We have Liza Treyger, Mike Vecchione, Tim Dillon, and Stavros Halkias! A rainy Thursday recording. Mike loses a car and a girlfriend, Tim can't keep his hand off his hip when he makes a point, and Bobby orders ice cream for the whole room... from a local tourist-trap! Watch/Listen and Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? You know what, dude? On the RiotCast Network. RiotCast.com.

Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is going to be a cost of fire. What's up, guys? I don't know. Who are the mic-ass holes? to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a cost-defying podcast. I don't know. What are the mic-ass holes? I'm sure I've already said to do. Can I get a mic-a-phone here? I always try to keep it like a comic-head.

I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down to eat and sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's... Tabletopics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides to the coin Podcasts pop it up. I might affect somebody's life. You never know How

We should I can't do that Hello! What is shit in? I can't do that, can you really shit do nothing else? Oh, fucking Christ. My headphones are fucking down, nothing's working. I'm not wiping my head with toilet paper, you fucking savage. I'm a fucking adult, I have a child and a home and a wife. I don't live in a fucking one bedroom, fucking Veccheon. All right, let's not stow.

This is how we treat the cats. Now we just shit on them right out of the gate. A very comfortable apartment under the train. It looks comfortable. It's very nice. Parking is easy. If you own a scooter or a bike, my car just got stolen. It should have. Was that clean? Are you sure that's clean?

My car just got stolen. My car just got stolen. You took the shot in the right way. That was the most heartless thing I've ever heard anybody say. That's his default setting. It should have. Oh boy. Yeah, that's how it works. Car gets taken. All right, guys. We're back. I'm sorry. I took a week off. I went on vac-ass and I was up and I'm gonna get to that you just settle down. Is it you up on cast?

Fuck it over relax Fucking get the pizza out of your teeth. Keep that going Scope will gonna do ice cream today. I got permission to do ice cream up here. The new, the, the, the shaved ice cream. Oh, that sucks. I'm sorry. I mean, it's like, you know, it's like I'm fucking, you know what it is. I don't have to. I mean, it's about to. It's all these wide people who think they're like, like to be an Asian, like like like doing Asian cool stuff And it's first of all Asian ice cream is the farthest thing from being Asian. No, this is an Asian. He comes out of You know one of them I want to say

But it's probably not I just want to say quality of work But it's I think Hong Kong and it's a shame for one second though. Can we drop the fake voice? What's the fake voice? Buddy, I like it. You don't have to do it. Yeah, that is my voice. I have a, this is my voice. I'm kidding, I mean, the funny part.

But no, you know, the whole thing about ice cream is the texture. Why do I want to eat paper fucking? You're telling me what ice cream is? Yeah, my rice is our, but I will eat it if you bring some, and I will eat this all the time, of course. Here's my problem with this.

Here's my problem with you fucking with this ice cream? Yes, I've never had it Okay, so as a chub chub. Yeah, you should allow me the fucking my mouth dude Look at we're going to comic books. Let me go see the X-Men No, you're right. Let me make my own choice. You're right. I just hate those aligned for 20 minutes There is it there isn't anymore right good point. That's why I'm a sense scope with my fucking CC Okay, you guys gonna talk about it. I got one second. Yes, credit cards. I got that. Okay.

I'm sorry. I didn't get it. I'm glad he said it. All right, we're back with a YKWD. I did no on vacation. I had a... Where? I...

I'm glad you asked. I'm a woman-hater. I'm fucking with you and Tim. I'm sorry, I'm getting it. Let me meet you now. First of all, I want to let you guys know you talk. I can't even announce that. Forget it.

I got to stop myself. I almost fuck up that up. I went to my uncle owns a place up in the White Mountains of Nehamshaya Hampshire IRA. And he bought him and three of my uncle's bought this little piece of land at the top of a hill where, you know, on Golden Pond, where that was filmed, that lake. And over the years they built a house. We used to camp on it and then we used to shit in the hall. Then they built a house.

And then he bought my other uncles out, because he has a contractor, those guys, you know. And he made a lot of money and he bought my other uncles out because he has a contractor, those guys, you know, and he made a lot of money and he bought them out and built this fucking mega complex. I mean, it's got a babbling, brookie built. There's a chipping green, there's a putting course, the main house, then there's the guest house, and then there's another garage. It's crazy. So me and my wife go up there once a year, we spent the week up in the guest house with Max.

I lost my phone first day in, down the, you know, nothing ever happens the way you want it to happen. No, that's not supposed to be. You're supposed to have your phone off, no technology to enjoy the babbling brook and whatever else you said. I feel like shipping green, the chipping way. The chipping way people things. Hiking trails right behind the house.

I take that Max down for fishing about a fishing pole, He's all excited. We get down there. He doesn't want to, he just wants to fucking throw the lawn in my face. I'll put my nose and go, ha ha ha ha, he's nose is bleeding. Right?

Because he's three and a half. I get down, he doesn't really want to do it. But instead of giving up and going, you know what, fuck it, he's not old enough. I said, look at out throw it. You reel it in. So we're doing that, he's having a fun time. Then he's like, I'm done. He tries to reach into the water but you can't reach

off the dock I go give me a second I go to turn one second to turn I hear splash fucking gone wow he's gone he fell off the dock he's in the water I look I can't see him because of the sun was going and every I can't see him all of a sudden I see his little face under the water eyes closed mouth Trying to live I jump in yeah jump in Right, I mean what am I I jump in to get him sure he stands the fuck up Phone in pocket I went my phone Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha she's still. I just got a chuckle. Yeah, so the phone's dead. And then her, my cousin's boyfriend is like,

well, you know, when people tell you shit to eat now, but you have to kind of pretend you don't know because the two far under the fucking next, but he's like, what you got to do? Let me see it. I'm like, all right, what are you? What's gonna do? He's like, I'll show you.

I'll show you. And then he goes and gets a bag of rice. And I'm like, dude, you don't, I know it doesn't fucking work. That's not gonna work I've done that 900 times a myth. Do you get it? Made up by the rice companies rice a Works with flip phones are like weird phones, but it's not gonna work with a computer Work with blackberries. Yeah, well look at I think that iPhone put something in your phone You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard.

You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard.

You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard.

You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have heard. You would have one. It's embarrassing though, because like the headphone thing, you gotta screw it off. Yeah, no, it's bad. And exactly I had one, this is my second phone,

I had one in a Rubah, and I forgot to put the little headphone screw thing in, so it literally makes your phone a fish tank, when you go into the pool. The more layers on your phone, the more you look like a loser. Like the coolest people just have a phone with no case, like, fuck it, I don't drop shit, you know? But then you have to put your phone in like a cooler And but that's what you need to keep it

Famous people don't have cases. Yeah, they don't give a shit. They don't care. They're fun ones Well They're gonna have a fun one Brad Pitt has a naked iPhone. Yeah. Right. Well, he doesn't use deodorant either, so. Um, is that true? No, that's not him. That's Matthew Bona. He doesn't use deodorant.

They don't use deodorant. That's not him. It blocks their pores. I read out sweet food. I think I'm 12 or something. I forgot who I was talking about, too. I think, I think, it's Matthew Bona-Hee. I forgot who I was talking to, but they worked at a strip club and they said all the

strippers had cracks, every single one that makes sense Yeah, that makes sense I think it's a metaphor Get that 20 out of your asshole Can you tweet it's my twin he'd be nice about it Listen don't let me hit you in your face. I didn't want the 20 out of your ass home right now. I'm gonna put my dignity in it Is he in pain? That's my other's my not that he's in pain because of his hips his bad hips

No, I'm just I just started thinking about all these strippers about all these strippers. They can't. Yeah. Ah! All right, top's wife. All right, so you got to keep the same number, Bobby, or what? Here's the greatest part about it. I shouldn't tell you this, but I walked into the Apple Store.

And this is going to be, and I just, I just paid 350 for a phone, because I went in a Rubat fell in the water, went in the water. So my guide, I'm just going to drop another 350 on this fucking phone, and it stinks, but I have no choice. I walk in and I told her what happened and she goes, that happened to me too. She goes, I'm gonna get you and I got a phone. 10 seconds. Wow. She goes here. Boom, set up when you get home.

It's not in New York. That's a new Hampshire, right? No, that was in Westchester. The closest place in the Ampest were like two hours away, so I just went without a phone that week. I called people off my iPad on the fest time. Wow. What can we talk about for a second is the future. I mean, we literally have fucking Star Trek in our hands with FaceTime and none of us use it. I just still text.

We still type to talk to each other like it's fucking, we're writing letters. You can video chat with what's the pressure? You got to each other, like it's fucking, we're writing letters. You can video chat with, what's the pressure? You're gonna fucking look okay. You don't. You gotta be clean. I've got a specific look.

What choice do you have? Yeah, I could call my hair. Thank you, Lisa. I thought she said everyone should be high. Everyone should be high on this ride. High and hungry. Bobby does this. I partied late. Six celebrities know why they don't use it because it blocks their pores. No, it's not titanium. No, it gives people cancer.

It's like cancer, yeah. Cancer. I eventually got it. I said three other viable things. And then I got it. I go around the room, Chris, and to do this, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this.

I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this.

I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I. I eventually got it. I said three other viable things. And then I got it. I go around the room, Chris, and to do a certain. All right, we have the birthday girl, Lisa Trigger. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Lee Lyleysa! Happy birthday to you! Thank you. Yeah.

Hasn't it been your birthday for days now? Yeah, this is getting real. But I got to make three wishes yesterday. It was fun. What was that? I had two candles and 111, 111 on the phone. Oh. So that's triple the wish power. Really? We'll see what happens.

Can you tell us one of the witches? No. Why? Because it's only the wall come true. I'll tell you after it happens, if it happens. Really? Yeah. OK.

Is it sexual? One of the wishes. That's a good. I love you. I love you. I'm a dirty girl. You can hope a fucking world peace. If I can bring your moves. I'm like, career moves.

You, you, one of them was dick. Yeah, but it's just, it's not, it's not, it's just a willy, no, it's not. Not a run of the mill dick. Yeah, not a fucking blue collar dick like Mike Becky-Obs. Why not? Are you a blue collar? Yeah. Isn't that mean manual labor or something?

Yeah, it means I get in there and work hard. What you be? I just didn't know. Anyways, who else would get in? We got Mike Becky-Yone. Yay! I'll do it myself! I'm very happy to see you.

You're like Charlie Brown. Why, what's that mean? Your car gets stolen, no one says yay. That's it. Yeah. Who, who, who, how, you see your car got stolen? My car got stolen over the weekend. Really?

In a story, Stavro, some looking idiot. Sorry about that, man. What kind of car was it? It was an Acura, but it was an old one. It was like a 2,000 with 112,000 miles on it. I thought I was in the clear. That thief's happy. You're happy. You're a bag of Hershey's kisses. How did you see that? I was trying to sneak them. Can I finish with my phone? I'm about to talk about

fucking ice cream again. I'm about shame. Ice cream. And how Tim doesn't quite like the texture of it. The fur is gone. I had to fucking take the bus here. He's a bus. I did that for entertainment value. A little class, or a metro car. Things are going well. What? Where was your car parked? It was parked in front of a good neighborhood.

A fellow down across the street on 24th Avenue. Great fine neighborhood. Sorry to hear it, dude. Yeah. You guys stop eating in the microphone. I'm sorry. I get so many fucking emails about me, my fat face eating in the microwave. I apologize.

One. One quietly away from the microphone. Once a fish gets, kids get eaten. I can't not eat it as well. Really? It's a, you know, they're not even good, they taste like her shoes. They taste like soap, but you still fucking eat it. You know why?

Because they're made in America. They made with corn syrup, bad. Not milk chocolate. Yeah, it's really bad. They used to be good. Yeah. So anyway, I'm going to Korean a couple weeks. And why?

I'm going to Korean in Japan. You gotta find my car. You're going to be going. You're going to go pick up your wife? Everybody does. I'm going to go find a wife. Find my car You're gonna go pick up your wife I'm gonna go find a wife I'm gonna go perform stand-up comedy Well, I'm sorry about you car what's the process? What do you have to go to find out? I dealt with the cops and they were like are you sure you look I get I get cops now

I really I was telling these guys before I get cut. They're not it's not that they're racist I'm some of them are but most of them are not racist. They're just dealing with morons 95% of the time they're dealing with more and if you're dealing with morons 95% of the time of a period of years Yeah, you're just gonna start talking to everybody like they're a moron. Yeah, cuz they started talking to me like are you sure? Yeah, are you sure you don't even dumb fucking people misplaced it? Yeah, absolutely more on just fucking morons Here dealing with morons so after a while when you don't you have to be to miss I literally I don't know like or like maybe you know you get a lot of stuff going on

You just like forget I drove him for 45 minutes one night trying to find his car this fat fucking No, I get it. I mean you can lose your car with all turns in a fat car. Thank you. Because you park it once a week and then you forget about it. Or you leave it once a week and you do that every week unless you make a note of it in your phone. Like I did, you could lose your car. Right, do you have to show that note to the cops?

I showed the note to the cops. You know who solved the crime? The Italian lady whose driveway I parked next to because she had surveillance of the street. Really? Yeah. What does it try to tell me? You parked in front of these ladies' driveways. I'm like, dude, I know these Italian ladies. I don't know them personally. I know who they are. If I would have parked five feet from their fucking driveway, they would have called a SWAT team. I would have had... I would just drive to the toe-pound and fucking leave my car there and throw

$300 in the garbage. Right. Because I know they're calling the cops. Right. You want to add in more to that joke? No, it's not a joke. I'm speaking my true. Why does he Italian? Why does he say your one man shows? I'm out there speaking my true. Sorry, my pain isn't punched up enough for you. I know we tried. 10 feet away. Down to the the thing I would have left it paid the 300 they would have came it would have been a fine

They had lasagna the man is mourning My car well what are you gonna do now? Do you get a chance to hire some kind of an opener to take me to my fire hall gigs that I work? Okay, they just pick you up or light a fire Where you're at hey? Okay, they just pick you up or light a fire where you're at hey give me that Light a fire they have to come and get them and then they can just go back with them. Yep. All right Anyway, the cops were okay, but down dealing with the insurance company. Well, you're gonna get money I don't know I'm sending all the the paperwork in for the insurance

Well, we'll see what happens. I can't wait to come out. They're suspicious. They're like Did you you know do you know anybody who might want to steal your car? I'm like, why would I fucking know anybody who wanted to steal my car? Right. Yeah. Why would anybody want that car? Yeah, I mean, that's really the truth. It's old maybe Nicholas Cage and Jan Outta Regina For you to see I Right

Who else we got Tim Dylan is here. Thank you for having me. Tim, how you doing? Great. Thanks for hosting. Nothing's been stolen. Yeah, that was good. It worked. Yeah, everybody loved that.

Well, the chair didn't know the difference. All right, this should have got more. I'll take the rag, I guess. No, I'm not going to get the rag. I don't have to. Yeah, good. If you have the rag and you laugh, you don't have to get the power. You have the power, okay.

What do you know too buddy that much just hanging out at the next one coming back out mike vecki own kicked my ass did you make forland kicked my ass i suppose to say anything all of the that's because because it's

that's it's that's it's that's a thing at the beginning that's why i was far and i'm i uh... i uh... no nothing's been going on i haven haven't done anything fun. I'm sorry and you know, no, but just doing our shows having fun Good man. Yeah, I just did that last night with Rich Voss and Ada. Yeah, I did I had a record. I read it. I eat it I eat it right you guys. I eat it. She doesn't like me. Why? Because What did you do? Let's get into it because Because she had like a bomb and I talked about it.

On the podcast, it gets 60,000 downloads. I just told everyone. But, um, you do. And then she blamed me for not getting spots or something. What, she bombed like a what? I just talked too much shit. Do you need fucking like a sugar? What's wrong with you?

I've gone, it was like three days of parting and you know You got to be careful. She'll cut you. I know that's what I was told. I like about her Someone came up to me like shit like if I if she had a problem me I feel like she'd punch me in the face. She came up Someone to me and said you need to watch out because she will kick your ass That's what I think that's great, but I keep forgetting it's more mad at me So when I see her I still wave and then I go oh yeah, I do that with Jerry Seinfeld Does he hate you? I don't even know

Can you stop now give me the chair she's I had two kids and Bobby now I'm giving them new and I'm sorry It is fucked up the corn syrup situation in America. They do it does taste part of those kisses do not taste it Thank you for bringing it. Yeah, absolutely. What speaking of corn syrup? Yes, stop it all surely I like that shirt. It's part of your family. Oh cool. Yeah, of course. It's a part just for me shirt. You little hipsters I didn't even know honestly. I just thought it was a cool shirt. First of all, it was birds just birds I like it. I do like it. I'm okay. It's polterine. Where about to go on a big tour? I didn't even know honestly. I just thought it was a cool shirt. First thought it was birds. Just birds. I like a nice ride. I'm okay. It's polster. Where about to go on a big tour? I can't wait. It's gonna be fun.

Me and Stavros are gonna go from here to there. I just think that's crazy. Why? Because you guys look so similar. Yeah, I know. It's just, it's crazy for that audience. No. They're gonna think it's a trick or something. Yeah, it's a magic show. It's magic show. What the, he just ga- he aged. I dress like his gay son when we're- I'm wearing a car. Did you take his naked photos? What do you mean naked?

Do you take his naked photos? I refuse to do that. No. I didn't want to. You will on this tour. I will. I don't care. I did a video with him. That was fun.

To promote my new special, we put all these. I did a video with him. We promote my new special. We put all these little pamphlets over his cock. And well, I actually, it's on your sneat item. I'm up for some of my ins. No, I mean, I go, hey, dude, smell this. And then he passes out, like it was a chloroform. And then he wakes up naked with just my pamphlets over his cock with stuff wrapped around his mouth.

That was a little uncomfortable. Yeah, it's fun. It's fun. That was a little uncomfortable. Yeah, it's fun. You guys sure are fun. That's a fun human trafficking. You guys are having a theme, promotional tool, you know? Where are you guys going? That's going better than that. Where are you going, Bobby?

Huh? Where are you going? Where's the tour? Not firehouses. No, we're going. We start out in Connecticut. We go up to, all we have to Vermont, Eerie, Hollywood out in the town. Hollywood out in the town. in all of our country. All through Michigan, Chicago.

We're going a lot of places in Chicago. What? What venue in Chicago? I don't know. We're doing, I should have. I should have. No, I'm sure you should. No, we're doing a bunch of comedy clubs mixed with rock venues,

like 200 seat rock venues, and then a couple theaters and then clubs. So we're going to be popping around. We'll be popping around during the week, coming home for a couple of days, and then hitting the road again. So it's more of a... I want you guys to go to Asheval. It's the best burger. What you might come pick, let me hear you. He told me I can't because it's something with my face. Well you're fine. You can lose worse before. So we got to get right there. It's makeups for yesterday.

I feel like it looks good. It's good thing. But I want you guys to try those burgers. All right, we'll tell you. Yeah, we'll tell you. It's going to be fun. If you want to robacadolive.com for the true story tour, me and Star Wars are heading out.

We're going to be going all over the place for the next three months, right? Yeah. What do you guys fight about? Have you been on the road before? We fight about politics, but it's literally until somebody gets tired and then let's get another one to win. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's just like one of us will go, yeah, all right, I mean, we make good points. Yeah. We get food. Yeah. Can I get a ride, please, Bobby? Yeah. That was yesterday. No. But you guys travel well together. You have the same style of life.

Yeah, we eat. Yes Look at them. I think it's apparent that we You know you're not fucking shredded. I'm not shredded. Oh, but you and Mike Becky. Don't you go on a tour? I love all the almost there I got the bend I don't fucking look at me What else we got? Your friend John on the couch. What's up, buddy? You guys microphone. What else we got? Your friend John? John, what's up buddy?

You got his microphone? How you doing buddy? Awesome to be here. Thanks for the invite. Hey, you know a problem, but I forgot to ask you to leave, because there's no gene shorts allowed. I can take them off. Classic.

Let's elicit you. How you doing buddy? I'm good. I'm good. It's nice to finally catch up with you. Yeah, you too buddy. I got some swag for you. Oh, swag. All right, cool. I'm excited. I'm good. It's nice to finally catch up with you. Yeah, you two buddy. I got some swag for you. Oh swag. Yeah. All right. Cool. I'm excited. What do you got? We got some journey stuff. I got some cigars. No shit. What do you laugh at journey? Journey. John came here from the 80s. Your friends with the drummer. Steve Smith. He's good friends with them. Who's one of

Listen, here's the thing. You don't know. He's one of the most amazing drummers on the fucking planet earth Comes from a jazz background which a lot of those drummers back in the day. That's where they start they start Jazz classic. I mean that's some hard shit and then they that's where Rock drumming comes from yeah, and they said okay. I do this. What if I fucking did this? Yeah, what if I fucking you know And that's what John Bonham did it, and you look at all that shit, it's just hyped up steroid fucking jazz, then you go to the 80s. See what plush, the movie? Yeah, great movie, yeah.

Yeah, it's a great movie, but that's where that all comes from. Absolutely. And then in the 90s, they said fuck, the late 80s, 90s, they were like, you know what, fuck, learning how to play, listen boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and then they just started doing that shit. Yeah. And now, everything into a drum machine. Yeah, you list boom, ba, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,

and then they just started doing that shit. Yeah. And now, everything into a drum machine. Yeah, they don't, yeah, they may went to drum with fucking Kaja Google. Yeah.

And, haha, haha, haha, haha, haha, haha, haha,

haha, haha, haha, haha, haha, haha, haha, haha, haha, haha, He said it so with so much passion it I Signifying a new era Was posh you go. It's B. I thought you were trying to be fun of Kesha This is a band. I don't know can you just figure it out? You gotta like project your dumbness How do you spell it? I'm from Jersey K.A. F**king figured out

G.O.O. G.O. Google does that for you You can write You can write kasha googoo with a f**king A A.C.Y.A. And then we'll come up smiley face Do we got it?

Two shy hush hush Kasha's creamy surprise That's a much better film Yeah, let's watch that. I think that's influential. That's how stuff's screaming over each other. You took the kisses away. We're cranking.

Well, you fucking scream it over each other. Like you're in a fucking phone booth right now. Mike and quiet, Lisa. I mean, everybody can't chime it at the same time. There's certain rhythms of the podcast. I know that I'm not trying to wreck it. Let these guys have their moments. I mean, you start to get a little stronger. I'm really a strong guy. I'm really a strong guy.

I hear it. Tell you. I'm ready. It better be too shy. Is this too shy. Yeah. Ooh, look at that hair. Great sound quality. Yeah. Now the bass, the bass is improved. Could you get the song? Why would I know the sound quality?

I don't know, but you... Oh, I have the worst production team. She literally brings up a guy with a fun... Back in fucking 92 with a tape cassette to a radio. It's a fucking a VHS tape to a fucking, to an iPhone to a computer. It's endearing. Pull up the fucking song! The song!

It's the video. Pull up the fucking video. There's a video that they made with a high production value. Bobby, what happened today, man? Is everything okay? This is not about... I just don't like not about Kaja Goo Goo. Do you know how scared I get when she gets his dumbest Chris?

No, I don't. Are we ready? Here we go. Are we ready? I don't know. There we go. Drum machine. Are you fun at wedding?

Yeah. I was fun on comedy knockup. I don't know if you're shitting on this. This is a great song. No, I think we're all on board. Ready, here we go. God, this is such a long intro. I gotta turn it down a little bit.

Because I don't wanna pay for the song. Oh yeah. I just wanna hear what it's like. If we talk about it, if you comment on it, it's fine. Yeah. Kashgugu needs some money. They're going to call you bros. Kashgugu calls personally.

Just look at that five bucks. I'm like, oh, that's my friend. It's scary. Let's get to the hook. I just feel like I never knew they existed and I liked it that way. Fortunately, Froot is the one who did the reunion tour. Big one. Okay, this rock. It's all good. Ready? Big one. Okay. Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, sh, shush, shush, shush, sh, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, sh, shush, shush, shush, sh, shush, shush, this is, you wanna go to a wedding with you so bad. Let's go to Lenny Marcus' so you invited? Of course not.

Well, fucking get your attitude. I'm going to Barry Rothbard's wedding. I'm excited about that. Who's that? A young guy. Oh, all right. Is that one of your wishes? But someone's bringing me, I can't wait.

I don't love your wishes. She's just random shit that we can't even talk about. Which is dyes. Fucking dead ed and Lisa lives up. I love you. She just ran them shit that we can't even talk about. Which is dyes. Fucking dead end Lisa Liza. So anyways, yeah, I did comedy knockout. You did it, right? Last, I don't think I was very nice.

They did not bring me back. Oh, really? And you did it? You did it? Have you done it? No. Okay. Well don't say it like that.

I won't ask. I would love to do it. I'll tell you this anyone's a lot of work That is a lot of what you write all your own stuff. It's a lot of work Well, you write everything yourself well because it's a comic though. I'm gonna write as much as I can Five pages in I called and I was like look guys. I don't have time. I can't do I can't you should have got this to me Oh two weeks ago And you should have got this to me two weeks ago. Exactly, like 90 jokes. It's 14 pages of writing. But it's also a lot of like,

you're gonna have fun and you could riff and you could just say, well that's what you don't know when you haven't done it. Right. It's all of a sudden you can go on and then you're ranting and riffing. So it does, you can fill a lot of stuff up with that. And it is, it actually was, I thought it was gonna be,

I was really like, got to be shitting me I just didn't like that you couldn't look at your cards, too. I like that Then why even have that you know because you look at them real quick and then you deliver Then you're riff them because then if you forget something you get it almost makes you for me It makes me say it more like me when I I don't know it exactly You know I'll add the friggin all the whatever You know what I mean? Classic friggin' oil.

Yeah, the classic Bob Kelly friggin' oil. The classic Bob Kelly. The classic Bob Kelly. Classic Bob K friggin' oil. Yeah, guys get your friggin' shirts. Over a scopo cell, the two for twenty. One for 20. Yeah, it was actually a lot of fun. Well, it's Damien's great.

Yeah. But I would love to tell you what happened because it was, I was rich boss. Yeah, of course. Ada, Ada, Iida. Iida, and she was great. But like you say, she's, you know, you don't want to really fuck with her.

No, you don't want to. And I thought it was totally somebody else. So I wrote these jokes for this other Puerto Rican comic. But it worked. Oh, they worked, yeah, for day switch right over to Dominican no problem. Are you friends with her though? I didn't even know. I didn't even know.

Oh, she was fucking great. She was awesome. She said some pretty mean shit at one point. But she was so sweet. She was awesome. She said some pretty mean shit at one point But she was so sweet. She was like you guys not mad right like now. She's cool. She's boss fucking first of all bosses such a dummy The lady comes over to him halfway through the show. She was please spit you gum out He's chewing During a lot a taping of a fucking TV show I go you're a fucking moron. You just dumb. He's just

Into the microphone on TV you see this fucking old asshole chewing But it was very fun. I'm not gonna tell you who won, but it was exciting. It was very exciting and It it it it it gets a little vicious, but here's the thing with the crowd. Yeah, the crowd. Well, the crowd blows. No. They're not great. Do you want to go back on the show?

I like the show a lot. Candace is the hair and makeup girl and she's my friend. There you go. Yeah, Candace. She's great listen. It's a great show. I tried to hook her up with Dan Soda. I want them to have a try.

How did you find the crowd? Well, this is the deal with the crowd. When you do these jokes, you know, use a lot of like, oh shit. Yeah, it's fine. I did a fat joke about myself. Me too. They went, oh, I was like, it's me.

They're just not leaving on his lives so they can't get it. Me too, I had two jokes. They went, oh, I was like, it's me. They're just not living on its lives so they can't get it. You know what I mean? Anytime anyone's offended, I'm like, what weird life that you're living. It's a very good point. So many, they're not okay with themselves. Do you think that this younger generation

we're part of, we're just responsible for? I'm a millennial. Yeah. I have Snapchat filters. Do you think, I mean mean these kids that are coming up are they don't know what is it is it because of older and I didn't know it when I was in it that they were the same kids just or are they actually coming up well right now say anything about women minorities they don't understand that's a thing

they're like they don't understand anything. They just read headlines. It's like a generation of headlines where it's like, yeah, I'm mad about this and it's like, you don't even know the basis of what's going on. Yeah, what social media has done is it's kind of like you have Google now, you have all these things. It has totally removed the need to think and process information.

So you're not thinking about a joke. You're literally looking at words. You're hearing the word gay. You're hearing the word gay you're hearing the word black You're not even processing what the person is saying and then something's going off in your head Where you go at your thoughts? This is what happened Evoking but this is what happens people aren't they're not listening. What it's fascinating of that where because of technology Comedy

The response to it television when people watch It's all changing like it's it's not the same game anymore. I think I think it's gonna you can't have a I'm sorry You can't have a hit show anymore now. It's all niche. You got to deliver to a specific audience. You have to be true or successful. But even the fucking hit shows or the shows that are successful don't have 11 million people watching them. Big bang guys. Listen to VMAs.

Those are both. That's old. That's old. That's old. That's old. That's old. That's old. That's old. That's old. That's old. That's old. is absolute nightmare. That's the Jews that died in the holocaust. Yeah

Stop bringing in your own agenda There's a lot closer to 300,000 I There was no holes in the wall so that really didn't happen actually so the video music awards It was there's no it was six million here's point, it was so bad, it was so bad. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point.

Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point.

Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's the point. Here's the point, here's the point, here's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's's It was not fixed milk. You really think it was not six million joules?

I know, I'm joking, Bobby. First of all, it's a joke, it's comedy. I don't know how many it was. I'm sure it was way too many. You just saved your career. Yeah, no, I'm sure it was way, listen, but is it ever a neat number like that? It's never a neat number.

All right, so we're sounding. It's brilliant. Who is doing that? I would have cheese. You are you are so you're six million one all right Well, we're stopping like it's not I even argue the Five million and one of them like now we gotta go to six million right well whatever was but my point is it nobody watched the video music Or it's it's you know, it's over

TV it's not over it's they'll watch it when they want to a lot of people recorded it Nobody watched the video music awards. It's over. TV, it's not over. It's watching when they want to. A lot of people recorded it. A lot of people have it and they'll watch it at 20 minutes of it. And they'll go do something. And they'll watch it the rest of it. And then watch it again. And check out this part.

When Tivo first came out, which was the first TV vote. Tivo was the first. Yeah, it was crazy. You could rewind live TV. You could record your shows. People like, why would I want to do that? Well, you know, people like, I'll just watch it. I mean, now nobody watches any kind of watch. I can only watch anything.

Well, I come home tonight. This doesn't seem as appointment TV. But yeah, come home at night. And I just, I think it was recorded. I know that, you know, Ray Dunnevin event i got two of those and i got one strain and i'm i'm good and i'll pick a night like uh... tomorrow like tonight i'll watch you know because there's you know the one show watch that

is that new was that hit show the holocaust section drugs and rock and roll show the finale is on tonight look at me one second on me? Yeah, if everybody watching this live, if you don't watch the fucking, I don't give this 10 people in here. If you don't watch the fucking show tonight, you're not, you fuck you. Don't listen to this anymore. Is this the finale? I don't want you to be a fan of mine anymore, okay? If you don't watch my season finale of Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll tonight, you're not a fucking good person to me. I'm gonna watch it. Me and Starros having a viewing party.

Well, it's have a viewing party. We're roasting a lamb on this too. Watch it come to my house and we'll smoke cigars and watch it. That's nice. Why don't we? So nice, that's nice, that's nice. It's Louie did it, it'd be fucking,

well I'm gonna do it, God. I'm gonna do what? Fucking BK does it, it's like, yeah, that's a nice thing to do. Oh, fuck. Is it a real invite? yeah, that's a nice thing to do. Fuck. Is it a real invite? Well, Louis be there. Thank you.

Louis be there. No, we will not be for anyone. I'm having a barbecue this week, and you guys are invited. Thank you. All right. I appreciate it. Well, not on the wait, guys.

I still want to talk about the children and how they're being raised. All right, I do want to talk about that. I do want to go. Millennial. I just think that they're being raised. This is the fucked up thing last year in the audience too. Every time they took a break, they were all on their phones. Of course. Not talking, just looking down at something that something else.

That's the biggest problem is like, you know, people used to raise their kids and now kids are fighting for attention against a phone. You'll see people on the train and be like, mom, mom, mom and like on the phone. And so it's gonna be, they're just, they're gonna be fucked up. They're not gonna know how to get real attention or how to interact with people.

But don't you feel like we took? It's also, it's hard just to fucking focus on something because of the phone. I feel that way where I'm trying to like, just process something or work on something in every like seven minutes or whatever. I wanna check my phone just to I want to check my phone just I just got an iPhone a few weeks ago, and it's definitely life changing I get why everyone's on their phone all the time. Oh, you didn't have a smartphone. I have like a droid Okay, but the typhoons amazing. I mean because it is it is this beautiful piece of

Devising hand that you can be creative with. I mean, doing an Instagram thing, a filter with a dog nose or a stupid voice and you make everybody laugh, you can make, you can make thousands of people laugh. It gives you the idea. I don't know where. Your opinion is valid and it matters and it is not. It does not matter.

You're an 18 year old kid. Yeah, do you say how it's gonna be a school? It's gonna matter. You don't matter. You wanted to write or you wanted to work at the times or the post right? You had to be good at it. You had to go to school and learn how to write. Yeah, there's no gatekeepers. No gatekeepers anymore. It's the Wild West. And it gives people the idea that like, oh, you know, the president has a Twitter. I have a Twitter. It's very

disoriented. People are like, oh, I'm mad. I'm the same guy. We're all in the I'm going to pinion doesn't make you an expert. Everybody thinks they're an expert now. Yeah, but I Are you verified? Bobby, they verified open mic. Are you verified? No, are you verified? No, are you verified? No, are you verified? Well, I am followed by the CEO of the Red Mangle frozen yoga chain who I Amphab, Dan Kim and we have gotten into squabbles but he has not blocked me. Shout out to Dan Kim. I did tweeted him, let me make my own fucking yogurt. Cause they like the last holdout.

Again, get your hand off your hip, please. I don't know. I don't know. There's no way to put my mouth out. I'm getting to know what a chance. This is tears and not great. I think. I think that I think you're right. We're fucked. But it's a war. They're more in touch with their feelings. They're more sent. They're better. I think they're better. They're better. They're better. They're

not kind to put you through. I think they're better people I think they are better now. I think they're kind of people But I'm telling you me yeah, but they can't take a fucking they cannot take a joke They do not get a joke as a joke and they can't fucking leave it not better people might day I don't know the side My life would be better if they tweet hey It sucks what's going on in Louisiana these people think social media in and of itself is a way to help people They do not do anything. They're not kind or better. They're not volunteering more

They're not helping anybody. They're tweeting. They're blogging. They're on Facebook. They're not better people You know, they you don't think that people with like go fun me's and and the the how many people don't get away the Kickstarter And these are these companies. Hey, I want a new car okay but even kickstarter take kickstarter right these are people who couldn't have an idea have a dream and would never get it done never have a company or some guy some multi-million all right i'll take it but i'm gonna own it right you're gonna be shit now now through the internet the the average guy with a phone could go and make a movie.

Yeah, but it doesn't make a movie. Put it on YouTube, and then get people to watch it, and then maybe get a job later in life. I know. I mean, look. People, I'm gonna get to be themselves. I'm gonna get to be themselves. I can't hear you get to go.

Like, you don't have to go marry a woman. Like, there's options, you know what I mean? Okay, but that's not what we're actually like. You can live a freer life. Yeah, of course there's positives to it You're you're you're not you didn't have to do the same exact and motion. You're outlining the positive But there's also negatives of that's true though. It's like the lip service to everything It's like really what are your actions? Yeah, it's like you know a lot of people They in the comedy clubs. They cannot they can't take a joke They it's almost like they don't want joke. You're doing jokes and they're looking at you like,

I don't know what this is. Can you tell in a durable story? Right. Something that there's no point. And then Shinngun control. So, yeah, I know what this is. Can you come on and tell me things that I already believe? But can I ask you a question?

Yeah. Do you think that, okay, when I used to do colleges, yeah, back in the late 90s, Yeah, they were the same way really yeah The colleges because they haven't formed their opinion that they haven't been hitting the face with life They haven't been fired or broken up with right or made fun of or has seen horrible shit Yeah, if someone in their family hasn't died yet Right, I mean the dog hasn't shit on their fucking bed nine times. They haven't had a baby come out of their vagina and a fucking hemorrhide pop out of their asshole,

and the husband see this and throw up in a fucking bucket. There's a lot of things that they haven't seen yet. Yeah, we're off day, Rob. But when that happens to you, I mean, it happened to me very young. So I think that comics have sense of humor because of our fucking tragedies. Am I wrong?

Yes. And these, a lot of these kids in college and stuff, I mean, you're going from a happy life, you're going from this, now you're in college where you're kind of, you know, in this bubble and then you're released onto the world to go get a job or whatever. And then life starts smacking you in the fucking face because you don't have a group of people protecting you anymore, you're just out there. And then all of a sudden you start to get things. Things are funnier than you. I just little edgy things, darker things you get,

or whatever. You're in traffic, you're over into work every day, and you fucking wanna stab somebody. So when somebody says, I wanna fucking stab that person to the face, you laugh. I get that.

But what I think millennials do is they get offended on behalf of other people. Yes. And they are doing that because they think, oh, if I hear a race joke and I don't understand it, by me getting offended, I'm actually doing something for that oppressed group. Instead of actually doing something, I have friends that are lawyers that very quietly work to help people that have been fucked over by the criminal justice system. Those are not the people on Twitter talking about,

there are people that can go to a women's shelter, go to a soup kitchen, do something, and don't necessarily, you getting offended is not helping people. And I think they is a weird correlation that like, oh, I'm getting offended, I'm helping that culture, I'm stopping that culture of whatever it is. So you're not really doing anything. It's not just getting offended though, it'm getting offended. I'm helping that culture. I'm stopping that culture of whatever it is.

So you're not really doing anything. It's not just getting offended, though. It's getting offended and then writing a Facebook post that goes viral afterwards. Well, that's the selfishness. Those millennials at Mike's center are kinder people, which is an insane point of view. Are those people are...

That's an incredibly selfish and incredibly self-centered. We're generalizing. I think some of them are. I think I of them all I think I think I really do I think that they're like the people in that crowd like I think that they're like they're more educate They're more sensitive. I think I'm I'm gonna speak from somebody who's raising one of these kids gotcha I'm raising a better kid than I was My kids not gonna know violence my kid. I'm not a better kid than I was. My kid's not gonna know violence. I'm not teaching my kid, you know,

when I go to a fight when I was a kid, it's like, go defend yourself. Go fucking the winner loose. Civilization is a quote. Civilization is the process of becoming kind. So what's happening now with my kid, he's not getting beat or hurt or be yelled at. Even when I, yeah, I had a fight with my wife this morning.

The fight was this, you ready? I was like, listen, you gotta stop being passive aggressive. Stop it because it's childish. You have something to say, say it. Direct where adults, my kid walked up, stop, stop talking in a mad voice to mommy. I went, you're right, I'm sorry, mom. That's what he's, That's what he's growing up with. Right, right, right. So the first time he hears somebody go, you motherfucker, I'm fucking murder you! He's gonna shit his pants.

I just shit my pants, that was terrifying. That was legitimately terrifying. Yeah, but I, you are right, you are raising someone better. Oh, no. Yeah. No, but I think what Bobby's saying is, that's what I mean. That's what I mean like this generation we're raising less a better generation I go to Brooklyn and I look at all these hipsters and they all work for Goldman Sachs

And they wear trendy clothing so they pretend that they're like, you know evolved and then you find out that these Be the same people. No people don't change We're just wearing a different shirt. Nobody's changing. It's like a trendy, like the people that are hipsters now are Abercrombie in high school. Like they're just doing what? These people.

Cowell cultures become their characters. Yeah, they're not changing to the same people. They're selfish. They don't care. I tend to look at movies. Yeah, I tend to look at these comedies. And if you look back at like, say, meatballs or catty-shack. Yeah, I tend to look at these comedies and if you look back at like Say meat balls or caddy shaft. Yeah, great. You bring it up to movies These people have been around forever the hipster was there right right?

It was just a different it wasn't it just Chad. Yeah, wasn't that the hipster was never was wasn't that the guy? You know, that's what I mean I don't think people are really changing it their core I think they're just learning how to exist in a society that requires that they be polite and say, oh, you're gay, great. Oh, you're this, great. But at the core, that self-centered selfishness, that is never going to lie. That's not true, though, because they're more accepting of these things.

It's not just polite, especially in the gay situation. Thank you for telling me, Stover. Let's go on, please. Especially, as a man who's accidentally beat off to Trainie porn once I can tell I have a game. That's not gay. That's not gay. That my dad does that. Yeah, I'm kidding I did that with this That Yeah, Bobby and my dad I jerked his dad off. No, but people being more accepting is great

But it doesn't necessarily change things though on a huge societal level That's why gay marriage now in the last 10 years that's changed the size. That's great. But gay people can be selfish too. I don't think we're all I think we're kind of on different pages here. Like the idea that like people are becoming necessarily better because they're more accepting of each other is not necessarily the truth. It's just not. You're talking on a very micro level like one on one. I don't think people are getting made fun of this poor as badly as they use oh No, I think it's worse. I think it's worse I don't think so. It's a bit of a line. Yeah, it's for something. Christophe has something to say. Yeah, no my cousins get bullied online They got they got they go home. They get tweet at all the time people are getting I bully scopos cousins because they're figs

And really are Those meatballs sucking and really something funny, Jesus. Yeah. It's so about acceptance for too long. Sorry. I just, I just take, if somebody has a point of view, I just take the other point of view and just fight with them, even if it's with.

I think one of the good things about this younger generation is we saw our parents follow the rules and they're all miserable. So we're not going to do those things. People aren't getting mayor or doing a job they hate as much. Like they see that. They're living in a one bedroom apartment Doing improv it's much better much better to be a 60 year old and a fucking UCB level one class and trying marijuana for the first time at 40

That's a lot better The people that you're yelling at instead of looking at me No, but I think I think I think what to say to like all people aren't buying houses You're not getting married because it's like all right, but because they don't have the money to do it Yeah, they don't have the money to do it. They don't have the money to do it. They have no money. And they're defense, and I can't believe I'm defending the millennials.

And they're defense, they're getting abused when they come out of college. They're getting abused. Like, you need to intern for six months. And then after six months, it's like, you need to intern some more, they're just getting abused. Yeah. I worked for free for like a year and a half

after college, it was awful. Well, for where? At the metal ends. Really, doing what? Like event management. Really? Yeah, and I was working like 80 hours a week and I made no money at all. Wow.

It's like this job. No. You make more money here, right? Yeah, no. No. I don't know. I mean, you know, you could tell at that show last night, comedy knockout, that i mean rich boss had some

fucking kill it all areas shows and they didn't get it i bet they didn't they got it they just whoo well it's kind of like what we do at the seller sometimes like when norton's up around my for whatever you sit in the back and when he says something hard you just go whoo and the crowd goes whoo because they don't have they don't know what they're doing

i don't think it's them i I don't want to say them, because I think we're all part of them. We're cattle. I think if we were in the crowd, we might do the same thing. If we didn't know comedy, you know what I mean? They go, and you want that groan that a show deserves to be shot. I mean, they don't have like real problems.

Like people that have attempted suicide never groan at shows. They're like happy. Drug addicts, I do a lot of rehab shows. People that have attempted suicide never grown in shows. They're like happy. Drug addicts, I do a lot of rehab shows. People that have lost everything in drugs and alcohol love comedy. Cause they're like, we know what real problems are. We're happy to be alive and we're happy

that somebody's made their life. The groans don't even, they'll grow. And if you say molested, but then they're gonna laugh at an N-word joke. They're like, they don't like. They pick and choose what type of thing. You didn't like that slave bit, but you love this Holocaust bit.

I hate all of you. Like, what are you talking about? Well, slavery happened, but he was this thing. And that's one of the reasons. All right, good fall back. I mean, you could have the joke, but you have to buffer it. You have to like set it up so that it's like so appropriate. Oh, John has something to say.

No, I was just sitting here and adjusting myself on the sofa. Oh, sorry. That's offensive. That's offensive. Yeah, people think their opinion, I do this one joke. And it ends up being a wet pussy joke, but I pretend it's going to be like, well, this N-word joke I have.

And so this girl from the audience like, don't you say it. And I'm like, I don't know who you think is in control of it like it's so crazy that she would think her opinion matters there's five other black people that are laughing like gut over yourself I don't understand why people just can't be silent yeah I didn't like it I'm not gonna laugh whatever like but you wouldn't have said that if it was a black comment she wouldn't have said anything because if you're that if you're that people I can't get if I do gay jokes people get mad at me Why because people don't believe that I'm gay and then people also were like people are just like it's you're not

Allowed to do it, but like it's a really a feminine guy gets up. He's like that's done. They're like, oh, that's fine Why is that I don't know people are weird people are sheep. It gives them yeah permission Yeah, I'm coming from one of them. They feel like you know, they can't almost so my characters like a fish like a like a guy who's like Yelling and like if I start yelling at gate. They still feel bad. They're like oh don't it's like that's not right right people don't like complex They like very simple very simple She's gotta go job at the metallands We have three thousand hot dogs for tonight. Is that enough?

Is that enough? No, it'll work for free. Hi, baby. We'll see you later, Lauren. I'll see you later. I'll see you someday. Bye, sweetie. Do you have your chicken cutlets in?

Yeah. Lauren, can you pull up another 80s video before you go? I'm enjoying that. Is it OK if I ask a question? Wait, you can ask a question, John, from the couch? Yeah, I'm just wondering for all you, what is your ideal comedy audience? Good questions, John.

That's a great thing. I'm gonna say something else though, for now. But, we're gonna say something else. But the crazy thing, we're talking about this now and I feel, but sometimes like, beauty comics that are super young, they will do material about topics, and they're not good enough comics yet,

so then it doesn't work and they're like, oh, everyone's offended and it's like, you're bad at comics. Right, there's a big difference. I had a feature and he just kept being like, oh, the terrorists stuff's not working. I'm like, it's, you're an idiot. You're an idiot.

That was me and I would appreciate you not discussing. On a podcast. But now it's an excuse to not get fun here. Oh, they're just a fan. That's true, yeah. You know, you're listening to anti-PC people or are getting as annoying as the PC people

because the anti-P like a lot of the people that are just, they're like, my whole act, you know, like this new culture, it's like, no, you just said the word gook and it's like, there's no punchline. culture, it's like, no, you just said the word gook. And it's like, there's no punchline. Yeah, of course, that's not a no-apology thing. Right. And I was like, well, sometimes I've done stuff and said stuff that I wanted to say sorry about.

Yeah, because I fuck up. So I'm not supposed to never apologize. Like, no, dude, sometimes it's okay to apologize. It's not that you're sorry. It's that you're trying to work out a joke. It's like, hey, I need to work out this joke. So I'm sorry that you were offended. I'm sorry this hurt you,

but I'm trying to work out a, this is a process. And they don't get that a lot of times. Yeah, sometimes she's like, I said the wrong thing. I didn't mean that didn't work. I didn't mean to go that far. That doesn't change.

What was that coming from your heart or were you trying to work out a joke on stage? I think today's question, the best comedy audiences are people that have been through shit, whatever that means. Yeah, I think, actually for me, I think the best mix. I think the best mix.

The best comedy audience for me is couples and people who are in their late 20 know, late 20s and up. I like late 20s. Late 20s and up. Yeah, I don't even mind old people because old people get it. Yeah, because you have to forget the old people that like old people. The old people we see now are from the 60s. Right.

You know what I'm saying? So they were fucking. They were partying. Yeah, they were partying. Yeah, I got over it. I used to be like, oh, great. They're old now. It's like not even a thought in my mind because they are always good good good man. Yeah old people to us now

We're actually cool. It's by some of the best shows ever at the brokerage in Long Island when it's just like all I was just the moment. I have the most fun. Yeah, it's amazing. It's amazing. I mean when it's an all-young crowd I can't look at I can't say that either some of those college crowds. Oh great. The fucking great. Yeah, man I did clumpy. It was amazing. But I'll tell you, when I do a show like at the Village Underground, sometimes the later shows are the good looking, no good looking, a hot chick. Yes, never good.

Hot chicks. Never good. Oh my God, so I was at the VU and I was making fun of people. But in the middle of my set, a woman in the front row gets up, hands me a business card and goes, if you ever want to fix your hair. No, shut the fuck up. And then when are you going to go? Is that crazy?

That's fucked up. And she was this girl with all this plastic shirt and I was like, yeah, she just couldn't handle it. That is so, let me tell you what a fucking honestly God. I mean, I handled that. That is so crazy. That is so crazy. That is so crazy. That you would be sit there.

I mean, the balls it takes to stand up in a room full of people at a live show with the performer performing to in your brain. You know long she had to think about that, when to do it, what to do, how to say it. For her to have that type of ego and that type of sickness in her fucking brain, that person scares the shit out of me.

To get up and make a totally accurate statement. In the middle of the show, it was crazy. I'm gonna say. It was a of the show, it's crazy. It was a Sunday, my hair wasn't a bun. Who was it? Who was it? It was a hot day. Look at no one.

I mean, whatever hair looks like. The point that someone's performing and you get up to have, it's basically, I'm gonna have a conversation with you right now for a second. I'm making that decision. I'm gonna stop you. And I'm gonna do what I think I want to do right now. It's crazy. Hey, here's my card if you want to fix it here. But go ahead, go back to your act. You fucking, they should have grabbed her by her fucking skirt and dragged her the fuck out of that club. Yeah. And you're gone. You're gone. Show everybody else.

This was happens when you interrupt our fucking floor. I entered up ripping it and then I threw it at her and I went by bitch. And then I pulled the kicker out. I was the last comic and then it ended on that. And then I had people high five of me. I mean, I was pretty mean to her after that. Yeah, good. Bobby, what's the worst thing is happening to you on a stage? Anyone like trying to fight you? That's not even the worst thing that's happened Well, it's a worst. I got booed and heckled by 500 black college kids in Maryland That way, which we're sure of, uh, frostberg state universe. The worst place on earth

I walked up. They wouldn't even listen to Snapchat like everyone was talking conversations Anytime I tried to like I made fun of someone they liked that, I'm like, I'm gonna keep doing that. They wouldn't work. Yelling, jumping. I mean, it was insane. I have to say college is yeah. I did one college where, remember,

what are those stomp bands? Yeah. They, you know, they slapped their thighs. Right. It's like a black thing, but it's really, it's really entertaining actually in the middle of my set, as I was bombing in front of a whole black college. college. I remember Patrice. I guess the worst audience.

Patrice was there. Well they were the best crowds too. I've done them and they've been fucking great but yeah they came in in the middle of it to them debatable. They started doing you know the yeah what it was fucking amazing yeah like I stopped to watch right and then I had to go back into my act Like they did like eight minutes It was fucking bad once I'm a dude got up took six hundred dollars out of his wall and said I will pay anyone to get on stage So she gets off what

Where that is kind of fun. Yeah, I was there would have took the six I'm gonna I'm gonna be honest, that is kind of funny. If I was there, I would have took the six. I've got a ball. Yeah. I would have said that headlight gives more than ever made in my life. The worst thing ever. Yeah.

Why? I give it. I did a Russian birthday party at the Grammacy Park hotel. And it was all Russians. And I didn't know what I was doing. I got up there and I grabbed the microphone. I said, hey, I think Vladimir Putin's kind of cool, and it was dead silence,

and then a guy from the back goes, Putin killed my friend. And then literally I went like this. I was like, he's frozen yogurt places. Or the way, have you ever been to the, and I just went in frozen yogurt joke. But it was a rough, it was a rough. It was a rough, it was a huge, it's great.

That's a tough one to come by. I did get him back afterwards, but that's a tough one. come. I did get him back afterwards, but that's a tough one. I had one to college with the, as I was bombing a girl, kind of, politely snuck up and just ease the mic out of my hand and said, thank you everybody, give it up for me. Oh my gosh. Jesus. That's crazy. The kinder gentler bomb

I was just like what are you doing thanks? They're like yeah, okay, bye. Thanks. Oh my god I did a country club in New Jersey opening for Alu Bell and that was all surgeons They did not get one they didn't they don't get sarcasm First of all, they don't know how to have fun. Yeah, they don't and they don't get any kind of sarcasm. Yeah, they're like the weather is crazy. They're like, they're just puzzled by everything you're saying. It's not that crazy. It was a weather. Weather is different. Just, all right, let's go to the silent.

Let's go. I got to read these things real quick. I'm going to give one to you. Yeah, I'm good at this. You are good at this. This might be my future. Yeah, I like, I don't know. You read that one. Hey, can'm good at this. You are good at this. This might be my future. Yeah, I like it. I don't know. You read that one. Hey, can you tell me the time? Yeah, the time has the other page to that. Do you want me to do it now?

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So there's no reason not to play it's free again the code is kelly to play for free for your share of a hundred grand this weekend only a draft kings dot com that's draft kings dot com eligibility restrictions may apply see website for details alright i want you guys to make sure to go to the premium site this weekend we had creeps for kids uh... this uh... monday i believe do weekend we had creeps for kids this Monday

I believe Tuesday it was creeps for kids me Lewis Gomez Bonnie McFallon Jim Florentine and Ron Bennington with his beautiful daughter Gale this was a complete 100% I mean right out of the fucking park home run the show was great right you were there it was an epic night of comedy dude I was so fucking blown away by everybody there. It's crazy, right? Yeah, that's set by Keith. That was amazing.

Keith's wrong. It's been up to five minutes. Five fucking minutes and killed. Just killed. So it was a great night. That's gonna be up on the, I'm actually, I'm not gonna put the standup up because I can't really,

I'm gonna talk to the whoever, but some of them might not want their stand up up, but I will put the actual, which I think was hilarious. Yeah, dude. The panel. The panel will be up for who, premium members only, how to become a premium member.

This is how you do it. Go download the app on your Android or iPhone. It's free, it's, do you know what, do you, Robert Kelly? Yes, the Robert Kelly's, you know what, do you app? That's it, it's free. Download that, join. It's under two bucks a month. You don't even know it hit you.

It's gonna come right out of your frigging CC. And you don't even know. And what are you doing? Number one, you're supporting everybody here that you love this show. If you have it and you listen to this show every week, look, if you can't afford it, don't worry about it. 10 episodes of this show will be free all the time. You'll never have to pay. But this original content, these

shows that I put on that I produce will be going behind the paywall. Because these are for people who, you know, pay the premium member fee and I want to make sure you guys get good stuff. So this panel from Creeps with Kids will be going up behind the paywall. So that's it. Join up, 199 a month, you're helping the show, you're supporting us and you're getting this free content. I have a new one on one thing that's gonna be going up there. I'm working out the kinks.

I had two awesome episodes, but they both fucking shit the bed. I fucked up with the Meevo camera, so I'm gonna be doing them again, live from the shed Comics with cigars up from my house, so I'm working that out, but that would be going up behind the paywall It's not going up. It's going up behind the paywall So just become a premium member today if you're a fan of the show What else do we got go to my website robocatolive.com got got this big tour coming up at Stavros Listen, buy your tickets now I don't want to, some of these places are small

I don't want to fucking deal with this shit Don't make me panic Don't stop it Fucking stop it Tell everybody, bring your friends Get a backbone I'm kidding That's a backbone

That's a backbone, get us a backbone. Get a smile. We're back. What's going on? All right, guys. You know, if you're following us, come on. Have some respect for the show. For the commercials? Yeah. I'm getting ice cream. Oh, yeah. I'm excited.

What flavors? I don't know. Do you need a certain flavor? No, I'm just saying, you know, this more is probably good. Go tell me get Text go look at them. I'm gonna text you know you know scope was gonna come back with fucking vanilla. You know scope Oh, he is vanilla exactly. I got eight things of vanilla. It's not good. I want I want I'll take s'mores S'mores is great. I told him to get fun flavors. I want get yeah, but he's gonna get fucking like do Skrupal. Yeah, what do you want broccoli? I don't know what are the options just chocolate and s'mores Those are the only two yep, you want vanilla you like strawberry. What do you like baby?

I'm gonna say I'm gonna say me and Bobby want s'mores. I like cookie dough Cookie dough. I make you to cook you dough. I love the white You want peanut butter some if they got I'm just'm just gonna say, S'mores, cookie dough, and fun stuff. Cheesecake, and three fucking cheese. Oh, nice. And the S'mores, cookie dough, and fun stuff. They'll be fine.

Don't be, we confuse them. Two S'mores, three S'mores though. Yeah, because I don't want them. I don't want to share it. I don't want to share it with them, I mean. All right. Well, how do you know that you've never had it? Because I know I'm supposed to feel it.

You can feel it. You can cross, you do fucking animals. The S'mores is the best animals the best strawberry cheesecake just write it just in case okay they probably do have that it's New York it's a very trendy thing what do we have in the chat room what do they got what do they got yeah their menu is fucking crazy it's not even like Vanilla and chocolate it's like what's the menu you just finished what the strawberry cheesecake they have it wow you don't show it you don't have to fucking spin it say it you fucking ludicrous green tea. Why am I talking like Tim Dylan?

That's a hipster ice cream. Yeah, dude. I'm not into it, but I would like some of it when it gets I would like to have it I just I hope we all get a good amount because I hate I try the fucking thing back Please don't do that ever again. Don't ever fucking do that again. Everyone said just show me that No, they date the Reddit. You could have read it. You could have read it. It's deep. No fucking turn the whole camera around. How are you doing Bob? It's been a very

Yellie episode even even by W. W. standards. That's not yelling. Oh, it's Chris Scopo. Let's fucking see where we go. Here we go. I got seven ice cream. You can't What ice cream did you forget were you are getting? I'm doing a mix of Yeah They got matcha they got green tea they got a fuck once that matcha sounds pretty good I wish I want a cookie supreme supreme cookies. I want sounds pretty good. I want a cookie supreme. Cookie supreme.

I want three. I want three cookies supreme. Strawberry. A strawberry shortcake. Cheesecake. And then I want my grante a couple water. Room temperature. Make sure it's room temperature with a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar.

What? A teaspoon of apple cider vinegar. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's so good. It's on A-T, one green tea and whatever you want. John, what do you want? Do I get the one green tea? Cookie? Cookie. Make it full cookie dose. Four cookies, one. It's cookie-sprey. Cookie-sprey.

Whatever. Okay, four cookies, one cheesecake, one green tea, and a glass of water and vinegar, fucking teaspoons. All right, and do they have more? If you have 10 pound dumbbells, let's just do it. Well, maybe, maybe some hand exercise groups. All right, bye. What? Tell this shut up.

Shut up? You see an explosion, like a terrorist attack. Buh! How great would that be? It's so great. It's so great. Is my credit card with him Thank you for the ice can Bobby I really appreciate it. Oh, you got it

Well, what I hope the morning we got to wait and see if it's good first though. Oh Already huh what do we have the chat real not morning? We got some jokes, but I'm worried they're gonna offend you guys Well, who's gonna offend me or them? I guess we'll have to see whitey mick mayonnaise says Bobby's a millennial to the 2000 pound club. Oh boy. Yeah. Can we give digital racks? Yeah.

Digital bomb dinners. Darth Craze says, hey, Deepu, can you whip your dick out and swing it around just to change the subject? We got a good thing going on. Oh, yeah. No, it got too serious and like Podcasts way goes What else not everything to be about Kesha? Oh, sorry, sorry. I blame I blame people. There's other it is There was nice ones, but he actually there wasn't that much and then Lewis showed up in the chat room and start talking to them And they start talking to him. So there's even less. Yeah

Thomas cannot if there's a fucking second that he can get attention from God, his success. I've never met anybody who will fucking come in and suck somebody, others like, and just your success. I just, I don't have to defend my boss. Yeah, your face. It's not your boss. I could be your boss and it to defend him in my boss. Shut your face. He's not your boss. He's the CEO.

I could be your boss and it'd be a better boss. He's the CEO of Gantz, did you know? I'd rather be a Gantz, did you know? I'd rather be a Gantz, did you know? I do, you're in a fucking... somebody's living room. Go for you. I have a big living room here, okay?

Sometimes always looking for a network to join, Bobby. I'm the same guy. First of all, I can't wrap a common town. We get a lot of downloads. You and Mullen. Mullen, he actually helped me a lot yesterday. Yeah, he works for the show. He's great. He's great.

I kept telling him, can you stop hating me with your face? Yeah, he can help me. He has the fucking energy of a fucking serial killer. Yeah, that's hard. He's a really great guy. He's a really great dude. He's a great guy. He's a great guy.

He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great dude. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy.

He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy.

He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. I mean, I don't know I mean, I wouldn't I wouldn't phrase it that way, but we're it's a family and we're all trying to do the right thing. Oh, that's weird. You want it? Why would you come over to this network if we gave you a piece of it? No, I'm having there What if I made you what if I made you like, you know, give you 25% of ride cast. I don't even know what that means. That means you make some money No, I make money cast digital. How much you make a lot? I make these a money

Yeah, we were I mean, it's listen. It's got great. I'm great shows. First of all, I'm kidding because I hope Louis is literally going Dr. my show I'm kidding. I'm only where a BW ABC. I actually love like Sunma when you mean I love suns for a great time yeah i'm a little dummy he should be fucking do his own network when i did my network i'm like you know yeah loose has the same hustle i do where it's like do it i'll just do my own thing and you know bobby could i borrow your shit

that i have you so i'm a natural entrepreneur he's a hard worker he's a hot seller and he can you understand I think, very well. Yeah, he tries to explain it to me. Right. Tell me how, do what you're going to do when you have a network?

I'm like, yeah, I've had one for four years. You don't. You've had one for eight days, relax. But who would be like, yeah, but you don't get it. I'm like, all right, I'm fucking milk. Yeah, he's a sweetheart. What else? What are you?

What's wrong? You're huffing and puffing. What do you want to talk about? Millenials again? Oh, no, I'm feeling great. Is there anything in the chat room about anything we were talking about? There's nothing. There's one thing. There's one thing. Sam Scrapless says the best opening line at an all black college would be where's a cop when you need one? I don't know that that would be the best opening.

I don't know, I don't know, I'd be honest. It's very divisive. It makes me fucking wonder who, I mean, these can't be my fans. I mean, these are people that don't like me. That's what this chat room is. I believe every chat room becomes people that really don't like you. Like it's the first it starts out with fans

and there's one guy that doesn't like you and then he converts other people not to like you. Like it's your first it starts out with fans and there's one guy that doesn't like you and then he converts other people not to like you. And it's almost like the strain. No, it's not. It's actually AC's on. Are you hot? It's a little hot. It's a muggy day.

All right. We're getting ice cream. Yeah, put them back in. You really are. I would love to fucking have sex with you. Anyways, yeah. So I just got off. You guys take vacations, like, you guys are younger, comics are now.

No vacations. I was, um, I went to London for five days and just hung out with a friend and didn't do any shows and it was great. Me and Sodor went to Braylington, Vermont and like, so you, you, you're working the night and you like the whole day, kind of hang out in Vermont. That's called a gig. No, that's not a vacation.

No, it's not a vacation. It's not a vacation. It's a gig. I work that's not a vacation. No, it's not a vacation. It's a kid working. I work hard hanging over your head. What did you guys do during the day? That'll decide. We had sex. That's the majority of it.

That would make me so happy if you two lovers. No, we walked around. We got maple. You think him. You'd fuck Dan. No Dan would fuck Taller the stuffers is thought about it a lot. I'm not I've got it all worked out I had We got maple Siwan on a maple we had a little maple syrup tasting went to the farmers market

Go on each other. Yeah, it was just co-work for jerk it off in each other's mouths We took a walk to the lake. It was nice. We just walked around Blooming. You guys eat that air of Ramaz. He's working on pilots and everything like that. I'm working on Facebook statuses. Everybody has, you know, we're all working. Right.

No, it was fun. We had a great time. We get along well. We're going up there.. No, it was fun. We had a great time. We get along well. We're going up there. Yeah, I can't wait. That's a great. Let me tell you, are you doing the Vermont? Do you have a hotel room?

Yeah, we shared. You shared the room. Yeah, yeah. It was great. We did the lunch. It was fun. Yeah, I love Vermont. I actually, I love elevation.

I love that. I love that. That's where I was at Nehamshire White Mountain. Yeah. Just like kind of a cross. Beautiful. A little further up. I was playing them like white mountain. Yeah, kind of across beautiful little further up I was playing them like really hacky long Island comics like really old school like we have guys I can't say names, but like say name the level of we let we're just as a guy named Richie ragu

Don't I mean like not and not to say anything about buddy? This name is Richie ragu So it's like in that vein. I was playing him some stuff and we're having fun. Just because Italian people. That's awesome. Dogs. That's awesome. No, that guy.

No, that guy will probably have a show. Richie Rage. I don't know. I don't know. I absolutely don't know. He does have a show like at fucking at like Rigatoni's on Route 1 dad. I think it's important for, I mean, we used to do it all the time. on root one dad. I think it's important for, I mean, we used to do it all the time. I mean, Patrice and Norton, all our generation would go away together and not do comedy. I think

it's important. I think you guys should do it because you guys focus so much. Your generation is so addicted to sets and doing fucking, it's like, you guys got to, how do you, you guys just write jokes. Or go live life. I got resubinated, just hanging out, and then the next that I did was so loose and it was just exciting. Like I re-energized me.

I've been having so much fun doing stand up. Yeah, you gotta go be a fucking human. And go, I mean, even if it's for four days, and go the fuck away from this, and do shit without having to do a show at night. Oh, worry about that. I mean, getting somewhere on time. Yeah, getting there, doing it,

and then fucking saying hi, and you dumb notebook, go away, and not have to look, I just, I didn't do comedy for two weeks. Wow. Two weeks, I came back. I was nervous again. I love that. Day three, I start to itch.

Yeah, what are you itching for? I don't know. What's going to happen? Surracis. Surracis. I have skin conditions. With five rosacea. If I eat too much acidic stuff, don't give me a face.

I'm rosacea. Listen, not a bad. I don't like fucking blotchy. I'm not blotchy. Listen, but I don't, I thinkotchy. I'm not blotchy. Ha ha ha ha. Listen, but I don't, I think that's bad to do. I know. You feel, what's gonna happen if you don't,

I'm worried that I'm losing my, the muscle memory of like being on stage and shit like that. I don't know, I mean, I feel like, because since I moved, I've been performing less and it does feel, I like it a lot better on performing it in a way. I agree with that. We're all used to doing that, just being in that.

Especially when you get a big opportunity, it feels so good to get a big opportunity on a week that you've been up every night. And then you're like, oh my god, great. Because when there's a weird muscle memory with standout, where it's like, you're downloaded everything. And when you're up there, and when you're out of it for a week, it's like, like you said, it's nervous, and that's fun.

But it's like, you're at a different place in us it's like if we're if we get looked at for something We don't want to have that nervous time. Yeah, you might even be clicking Yeah, I honestly what you're saying because you're not getting on not by choice right right right that's a different thing You you can get on any night you want a couple shows a night right. Yeah, you'll be there to someday Soon, yeah, and it's, I can do the same thing. I can do fucking five shows a night. But when you take a couple nights off, to go, well, to go fucking live life a little bit.

Well, what's the, well, can your uncle let me use the house in New Hampshire? You can do retreat. I mean, for all of my kids, Bobby, I agree with you. I think I will take a week. I'm think I'm buying some land up there. I might buy a little land. I like to sound to this. I'm thinking you should. Waterproof out of that. I agree. I can curve. That's one of the great things about being able to do late spots at the seller is like I get to do go to dinner with friends, meet up girlfriends for happy hour and then still get to do spot flight at night.

I used to always be here because I was always the last one me and goffrey. So I was here until three in the morning every night for years. Fucking years. And I come back once in a while and it is always you Chris D Cypher Sam yeah, it's the same Liz. Yeah, so it is a it is a fun weird vibe Yeah to come in and you guys are going up and it's a it's like I forget that shit I missed that I missed that and it's how makes it so fun. He like talk. Do you know man? Yeah, like from the stage Yeah, we used to I remember coming here

I remember just being there with like you know would be Norton and Voss and me and people were coming in out all night Like Kevin Hart would pop in and we used to roll die on the fucking table And I remember Keith lost seven hundred one night to Kevin Hart Kevin snap He just kept doubling down. Well, I just remember that table as a different thing now. When you were there, and those guys, you couldn't come close to that table, you would get shredded. You got to make sure that you would just get torn apart. You would have to emotionally get yourself ready to walk to that table. We made girls cry.

I remember women literally going, well, is that so we're going to be in the aisle? And then we applauded when they left. Jesus. Ah, it was bad. I've seen guys cry. Yeah, I would cry. I would cry. I would cry.

I would cry. I would cry. I would cry. I would cry. I would cry. I would cry. I would cry. I would cry.

I would cry. I would cry. I would cry. I would cry. I would cry. I would cry. I would cry. I would cry. I would cry. I would cry. I would cry. I would cry. and all over the city there still are, but you would be terrified of not doing well, because nobody would really talk to you. You would be like, oh, this sucks. Now people get off the stage, I'm talking, they bomb hardly.

And they dance and get, and people are hugging them. And I'm like, this isn't helping them make this a career. Look at all. Like this is a very social thing, which is great. There is a weird vibe. Yeah, club vibe to it almost. Yeah, what do you mean? Summer camp vibe.

Yeah, exactly. A lot of kids in this. Where in mind, there's just so many, a weird vibe. Yeah, club vibe to it almost. Yeah, what do you mean? Summer camp vibe. Yeah, exactly. A lot of kids in this. We're at these weird mics. There's just so many com, I don't know how it was, but like it's a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends.

Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends.

Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. Yeah, a lot of people do it to make friends. They're not working hard. They're going to like one open mic a night and then they're going on Facebook and writing a bit there are three paragraph opinion on whatever but you can be successful Without being good at comedy now. Yeah, it is used to be the thing You you a lot of these people are like bloggers and writers. They're like oh, I write for this website And like I'm just bored on a Wednesday So I'll go to the pine box open mic and fucking hang out, you know, yeah, comedy's not as going to the pine box open mic and fucking hang out, you know. Yeah, comedy is not as precious as it used to be. Or it's not as hard.

Well, it used to be cool. It used to have to be cool to kind of do it. Now, it's like, it's like, what? It's like, what'd be funny? You had to be funny. You had to be funny. That's why I love the comedy seller. It's one of the only clubs that you still have to be funny

to get into. There's other clubs, but better. What? The stand. You have to be funny to work the stand.'s other clubs, but better. What? The stand. You have to be funny to work to stand. Yeah, but okay, I agree with that, but they have, they have, the threshold is a little lower.

Sure. Because they have theme nights. They have guys who run their own shows on nights and have guys I've never seen before going on stage. The comedy seller has professional, I think the stand. But the the standard, when the stand, Steve Knight's is roast battle, which is a huge, you know,

whether I like it or not, it's like a huge thing. What I'm saying is the stand, I think, is the minor league ball club of the comedy seller. Well, where they need to exist, it's a high level of comedy, but it's the next generation of guys. They're not going for the people that are making it. They're going for the guys for the next people

that are gonna be making it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But there's a lot, most of the other clubs don't give a fuck about cultivating young talent at all. At all, they just care about selling a fucking drink. Right, right? Yeah.

And New York's getting better at that. New York comedy club. New Yorker has getting better, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that trouble a lot. But there's so many places to perform in New York you're getting better at that New York comedy club. New York. I heard There's so many places to perform in New York. That's why this bar is why I'm trying to tell above LA Yeah, that's it and LA they've got other things that are positive But this performance wise you can't beat this place now to get to get strong There's no way you can they come here. It's like we're strong down there in the cell like we're strong You did this too many comics now. Yeah, fuck yes You think this too much I was a more I was a mortgage broker and it this feels kind of like

2007 where it was like you'd walk up to people and like a grocery store and the guy would be like cutting the Borshead turkey go what do you do? He go? I'm a mortgage broker too when you go what? And he go yeah, yeah, yeah, what do you want? Potato salad, yeah, I'm a mortgage. Yeah, it was everybody was doing something with real estate. Like everyone had a part-time gig as a fucking real estate. And then you were like, wait a minute, and then six months later, it was like, I think a lot of writers became stand-ups.

Yes. I think back in the day, there was comedy writers, and they just, that's what they did. And we were stand-ups Because stand-up was like that fucking gunslinger that you know they may get a hotter in here You know what I mean? Yeah, well, even just with the amount of shows about about comedy, you know like the behind the scenes like people kind of know more Yeah, people are listening to podcast and just start But like lady Dine and my Maria's shows about comment like's a lot, the showtime show that got picked up is about comedy.

You want to show? Oh, no, no, no. I'm just saying there's all these shows about stand up. It's a cultural thing, yeah, yeah. People are into there's specials all the time. I mean, the fact that, well, the fact that comics are playing arenas all the time, like it used to be rare, no? Yeah. Yeah, I'm not saying everything.

Bob, new heart, right? Like, people are going to comedy it's in you know the dain yeah it was really we're now all these magazines it's like the women in comedy I do I do think like like I do think I don't know if it'll stay like this forever where it's just like there's 10 open mics yeah they're gonna realize it's harder than they're not funny and hopefully stop. Yeah, here we come Go No, no shortcake There's rubber cheese cake right yeah, that's what she wanted you said shortcake. Yeah, but you said she's Can I say shortcake or cheesecake? Yeah, all right, let's just eat. Let's just eat What's this place called? Let's give him a plug. I'm kidding You did

What's this place called let's give him a plug I'm kidding It's ice New York I get it. Can you do it in my speed not your speed? How are you the fuck up? I get a spoon please of course deep who wants it looks like ice cream was sushi on it Doesn't it no way it's pretty good man are there spoons what kind of ice cream is this thank you oh yes we're cookie people thanks thank you you got a buddy Bobby thank you stop yelling at me Bobby thank you you fucking shitty long run Bobby, thank you. You're fucking shitty long-time.

I'm fucking a river voice. It's normal. It's like briars. It's garbage. It's legitimately shit. I need to fuck give it to you. You don't like it? Try it.

I have to test. Give it to Alan. It's a fucking gimmick. Yeah. Is that the Oreo? You don't like it shaved? All right, I'm gonna give you, now this is, to let people know, I'm gonna give you now this is to let people know I'm gonna give you a little the shaved ice cream. Yeah, they they stay pounded on they pound They pound you guys haven't fucking side conversations

Listen, oh cuz he's trying to live by carously through us and I'll fuck you You don't get it I'm here if it's good or not. Why can't a person just ask another person if it's good or not? I have an extra one here. I want to try my cookie. Yeah, I know. I have an extra one here, and I want it. For why? I don't know. I'll tell you why, because you can't count, fucking dumb, dumb. You know the sucks.

What did you get? It's in the English. This is much worse than regular ice cream. Like much worse. Why? It's tasteless. It's texture is bad. It's garbage. It's not a high-butter-fat content. It's not dense

That's the key. Well, you're fucking true, Facho. Well, sorry What about the cookie? How's the cookie? I like the cookie Well, yeah, there's just nerds around because you don't have to be funny since there's all these pockets There's all these weirdo comics that aren't funny. I would agree with that. I'm like, you're not going to do that. I would agree with that. People are doing anti-comedy before they know comedy. And they're shitting on like Seinfeld. Like there's kids that go on Facebook

and they're like, you know, Seinfeld to hack and fuck Kurt. And it's like, no, Kurt, he's an Emmy winner. Like, fuck you. Like, you know, you could disagree with somebody but like respect that they've done things that they have a level of talent that you don't. What do you call anti-comedy? Anti-comedy-comity?

What are they making fun of content? There's no is the content you're going up there is like what's the content of I understand your style and your Flair and maybe your act outs and whatever the joke is a but not funny. That's the But it's like but it's like what is the content of what you're saying? Yeah, and not just this persona that you're trying to be You know someone who hates ice cream you're on the second one right now. I'm trying. I'll take a little spoonful of that. It ain't great. I don't know. But I mean, maybe that's their way. Maybe that's the way I agree, man. I mean, it just flies in the face of everything that I was coming up. You're like artists, you know, like for

painting, people want to do weird things. But it's like, you have to learn how to paint. You need to know the basics and stuff. You can't just be like, oh, I'm going to do weird splatter things. It's's like you have to learn how to paint and you need to know the basics and stuff. You can't just be like, oh, I'm going to do weird splatter things. It's like, you have to learn how to make art first. Yeah, before you break the rules, you have to understand the rules. Yes. And so many people don't even have the basic conventions of comedy down before they make fun of what it means to be a sense of...

Yeah, it's a set of two. I'm not really trying that hard, so if I don't do well, it's fine because I'm not trying. And I don't care. One kid did 45 minutes of comedy in Brooklyn for 50 comics that came. Like he had lined and people were writing on Facebook like congrats. What? Like he had made a show. There wasn't real like there was no audience and he just did 45 minutes and then people

like oh this will you grade congratulate. It's like a weird comedy for comics. Well, it is, yeah, it is, very, very, very, very, very, it's weird to do those mics or even some of those shows where it's like, there's so many comics that the vibes are just completely different from what a real show is. So if something kills at that thing, full of comics,

it's not gonna kill at a club on a weekend. It's just not going to. It's a completely different kind of joke. And that's what's been kind of hard to write new stuff here because the mics are just all comics. And it's like, there's no trying stuff out in front of an audience if you do, it has to be at a club. You know what I mean?

So it's weird. But don't you think that when you get to these other clubs, like the Comedy Cellar, that's a comedy crowd. They're there to see Louis CK, you know know a towel calling you know there they're trained to see funny fucking stand-up they know what it is and these other places are more lenient with what's considered comedy because it's there used to seeing some of these places

don't you look at some guy Norwegians but don't yeah don't you look at some guys and you look at their act and you're like I don't know look at some guys and you look at their act and you're like, I don't know how this person works the road. At all, like how do you work the road? Joe Liss, just say it. I love Joe, Joe's awesome. But sometimes, I don't understand how this person works the road

and then you come to the realization, oh, they don't work the road. They're going to sell a show or they're on a show or they're doing something else. They're making it another way. They're not working. And I, I mean, I do a lot of shows. I do a lot of all shows too. And it's like some people don't even,

clubs aren't even a goal, which is crazy to me. I mean, it's like, they don't, they've never, like, been to a club, you know? It's like they just perform. It's, they don't want to make a living in comedy. They want, they, their parents, to pay their rent. They want to get high and push, and sleep on a floor and then tweet something about oppression and feel that they're like a fucking revolutionary and it's like you're not yeah not

a right you know what I mean it's like this weird thing but maybe some of them are good I don't know I think they have good ideas and better than this ice cream. No, I tell you. Oh, I don't know if I had to do it. If I was starting now, I don't know if I'd go through the clubs. What's the point of going through the club? You get better, but why not just stay in these rooms and write a show or write a treatment and then pitch that?

And pitch you want to do something? Because you love standing up. Because you love standing up. I don't feel like when I started, I was like, oh, I'm going to make a living. I just did it on accident. I was like, this is so'm gonna make a living. I just like did it on accident. I was like, this is so fun. And then I had a great time and it turned into something. I don't think I was ever being like,

oh, this is the direction I'm gonna take. It's just, you know. I think that, but look, I think the, the standard comedy is we know it still lives. It's just, it's hidden between all this other shit. There's just too many loses. There's all this other shit around us that is, and there's so much comedy on TV right now

that these other things are being presented as stand-up comedy. I watched that Byron Alan show, not the one where he sits around interviews the actual comedy show. Comedy.tv, I was on that. With the colors in the background, I'm like this is, this is Unfucking believable

What they're putting on I mean this is fucking Mind boggling. It's it's interesting. What's going what is this? It's actually comic show and you watch these comics and you're like how the fuck did this person? Oh, I know it's just fuck it nobody else would do it. So that I'm on TV You shouldn't be allowed on some of those people should not be allowed to represent stand-up comedy with their jokes. It should not be because they have really good shows like laughs and on Fox. Yeah it seems like it used to take longer to get to places like I know people have been

doing stand-up for maybe three years that are doing late night sets, you know? Like Vekinon is a great comedian. If I ever saw that show that you're on, I bet you were surrounded by other fucking, like why am I on the show with this person? Yeah, no, no, I was actually surrounded by good comics on that, because Bonnie hosted it. Maria Bamford was on it.

I remember her being backstead. Like there was a bunch of good people with it when I was on it So I've washed it and I'm been like wow what the fuck was that who is that really yeah It's fucking crazy. Yeah, so it's like a showcase. Yeah, it's a showcase Yeah, but I like coming in I have because it's like you they have newer people and like I was like I was happy to be on the Bonnie and fuck Yeah, that was great. It's great when you know this people your friends of the people you're on the white. Some of the best comments in town. So I'm like, that's great. Like I feel lucky to be on. Yeah, no comedy knock on his fun, but it's it's a mixture of all this

they mixed this show is a bunch of different. It's it's writing jokes. It's it's a roast. Yeah, it's improv. It's a lot of different shit, but it's also a lot of fucking work. Yeah, that's to bring it all the way back to that, but Jesus Christ. If you want to write all your own stuff, it's a lot of work. Yeah. all right listen. We're gonna wrap this up Why don't you spice it up Dully? Putting it on us. No, no, I just yeah, I Everyone's a loser and we know it. I just want to say Bobby this ice cream It was like not eating ice cream

Crunchy. Yeah, it's crunchy and I just want to say there was not a Appreciate what you to was no cheese cake. I appreciate what you tried to do But please next time let's do some nuts. I agree with you. I had to try it though I think it was terrible. I would have rather fucking went to a real ice cream place Yes, and ate somebody's leftover ice cream fucker. We still can. Yeah. I'm the container's in the middle.

Yeah, everything's bad. Why is it container annoying? He's a little, it's all white people running around. I love this, it's not one black person on the container. It's just all white people, that's hilarious. This is the New York they want. Let's go through the list of people. I want to thank you for coming on, sweetie. Thank you.

I'm sorry that you ran out of fucking steam. I want to go shopping, though, if any of you want to come, I need to buy a new purse. You're talking about Tim, right? I want to go eatily. So I shopper. What do you want to go eatily? All right. I'm going to go home. No, just take you want to go eatily?

I'm gonna go home. Just take this before you go Where you gonna be where you get going on sweetie? I'm on the internet at Glitter cheese and then I'll be at the Lafactory in Chicago on September 16th and September 11th I'm gonna be an Albany or Syracuse, one of those. But upstate somewhere. You're the best, thanks for coming on. Thank you, I had fun. Yeah, you're awesome. I didn't even, I hooked up with someone in London, we didn't even talk about it.

Oh, just a man on Tinder, who is really hot. You made that. So Tinder, the same Tinder app works in London? Yeah, I got it there because I was just so horny and I was alone. My friend left and my flight was the next morning. I'm like, I need to find someone to sex with. Do you have to swipe the opposite way? Because I...

Did you just get that? I liked it. Did you just, was he hot? He was so hot. Is he in the business? He, um, no, he, what does he do? He was a camera guy. He does, yeah, he was like shooting commercials.

Like, camera guy? Yeah, but, he was like shooting Like camera guy Yeah, but I like and then he makes events or something, but he was so hot we were What's happening back and forth and I said by the way my name is Lisa not? I don't want you calling me the wrong name while you're fucking me and he went that's good to know But to be honest, I'll call you whatever I want. Oh You like that I did I liked it. You do oh geez. Oh like that? I did. I liked it a lot. You do. Oh, jeez.

Oh, so when did he come to your hotel? No, I went to his house, which is pretty dangerous. What the fuck? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Are you nuts? I know, but I sent him, like, his address to my friends. What, don't your friends in fucking New York?

Well, in the London friend, yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. So you go to his address. You ring his doorbell Um, he's flat. He knew uh, uh I guess yeah, in the apartment. Yeah, a flat now. He had the head the head. What kind was it? Elegan the sax and it was at a coin um, he was born and raised in London. I mean he sounded really hot But I don't remember what the accent exactly was like really yeah

So was there for three hours and then I left was a good. Yeah, exactly was like. Really? Yeah. So it was. And then I was there for three hours and then I laughed. Was it good? Yeah, it was great. Did you have like a British penis? What, like, four skin you mean? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, he was in cut. No. You liked that? No, but what are you going to do? Shush, no, bite it off. The fix is awful dick. I was there. No, it was so much.

I was like, I realized how many people I. No, it was so, I was like, I realized how many people I fuck that I hate so much because I was like, the music's good, you're fun, good chats, you were, he was funny and like, it was such a good time, I realized I just have been fucking trash. Are you?

When I told him, I'm like, he rolled a spliff, it was great and they're like, yeah, it's all miners. What are you talking about? Yeah, did you, are you keeping in touch with him? No. All them? No. All really? No. So he's done.

But if I went back to London, I would definitely have sex with him. Really? Yeah. Nice. But what are we going to do? Yeah. I'm a cat. You have a pen pal, you don't want that.

Yeah. I know you send some. And he's a, you send all the dick pics. Yeah, I mean, I would cry. I'll eventually probably get hammered and do something here. Do something right. But I love how honest you are. Dick picks. Yeah, I mean I mean I Eventually probably get hammered and do something here I love I love how I really do what a fucking skank you are Well, you know that is scary enough. It doesn't happen enough

Well look you wanted to get laid and you went and did it good for you. Yeah, beard. He's up. That's great What about you Mike? What was that time you got some dick? I like the misdirection It was actually during the break I took out No no girlfriend. You got a girlfriend at my party. Oh, that's a good thing to bring up. No, we broke up man. You did not Why Said it wasn't gonna go

I said it wasn't gonna go. Go where? We're gonna go the best. I wasn't gonna have the dream that you have right now. A house, a wife, a child, like my- What are we gonna have? I would be living in an apartment under a train with dance odor. That's what I do have. So it's over.

Toil for a man, it's been over. She was so cute. Yeah, she was great. She was great. She was great. She's great. She's great. Did you break up with her? Yeah, I broke up with her. You broke up with fucking her because what?

It wasn't going to go the distance? Wasn't going to go the distance? What did she say? Did she say that? What's the point of keeping? No, I said it. Can I say something? Can I tell you?

I didn't think my wife was going to go get off your phone. What did you? I'm sorry. Yeah, what the fuck? I'm sorry, my heartbreak is boring. Yeah, you're fucking asshole. What do you like? Fucking little audience member. I got a check. What are you going to check boring. Yeah, you're fucking asshole. What do you like? Fucking little audience member.

I gotta check it. What are you gonna check it? Twitter, you're fuck. Nothing's happening. That was an email. Who cares? Flip the phone over, and that was bugging me. I was tweeting at his eyes for help.

Sorry. I, Michael, you know that we need to help him find love. This is a deal. I'm gonna tell you, I did not think my wife, the woman I love today, the woman I woke up with this morning, rolled over, hugged, who was holding my kid, a three-way love hug. Okay, I did not think it was gonna go the distance.

That's because you were a broken guy. What had nothing to do with her? It had because you had your own brokenness that you had to come to terms with right and then you were able to make it work this is a different situation what's the situation apples and oranges you're not broken I'm the apple apple I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I about that kind of stuff on here. But it just like, we didn't get it soon. We didn't, we didn't marry you. We didn't open up. We didn't, we didn't, hock suck. I didn't, we didn't mesh the way.

I know, I know what I need. And she didn't, and we didn't mesh it in the way that we need. I can feel it. So it didn't, and my father died when we were breaking up. So then I added to it. So it just kind of was like, it's still friends? She wants to be friends. I can't be friends with somebody I broke up with,

like, right away. I can't. Did you get back with me? No, because I love them with some depth, so I can't just go to being casual friends now. Like, hey, what's going on? Hey, how are you? Like, I need some, you know, some distance,

and then maybe if you cut the arm off, set a saw in it off. I don't know, what are we, what's that? I mean, if you saw the arm It's it's more big grow back. Yeah Yeah, it's done and then maybe in the future we could be once I'm over it and everything We can be friends. All right. Well, what do you got on you gonna need dates? I'm at the stand tonight and I'm at the comedy seller and the VU tomorrow the village and I'm at stand-up New York on Saturday. What are you getting the future? This comes out much better. I'm gonna...

Oh shit, really? Well, we got live people listening now, so they'll show up. No, I'm Korean-Japan at the end of September. You're gonna be Korean and Japan? I'm going Korean and Japan. What the fuck is that? September. I don't know. You're just performing on American bases.

Oh, USO tour? It's not a USO is the is the marine thing It's funny. Yeah, yeah, it's a great. That's a great. Yeah, you talked to me about it. Yeah, let's talk about it I've actually been to Japan with Colin on the USO tour. How was that we did all those bases? It was a fucking amazing You're gonna have a blast great. You're gonna go to my Fuji Yeah, the Fuji the best one because you can take a bus to Tokyo from there. It's awesome. We actually spent the night in Tokyo, which is, we did karaoke,

had chicken knuckles. It's awesome. Yeah, it was great, man. It was five out of nice hats. Maybe you'll find an Asian. Did you play? There's a lot of, there's a lot of like,

core houses too. I didn't go to any of those. I didn't either. I was with the Mormon comic, he was a real buzzkill. What's his name Ryan? Bet no, it was bent washman really funny dude, but uh married in Mormon wouldn't let me get sucked off at a Japanese Titty bar wouldn't let you easy your dad. Yeah, he kind of what kind of felt like it was my dad. Yeah, he's like an older guy You ever say like you have a baby like a retarded. Oh, I would be there Absolutely. Yeah, I would be good. Absolutely, yeah. That would be good.

Fuck you, you just sucked off a lot. Thanks, Dad. What do I wait? Do you guys share a hotel room? We might on one or two, but we're working it out where we don't. I literally snore, and I fell asleep in the car ride to the comedy knockout yesterday. And I snow like this.

This is how I snow it. This, I actually had to get a mouth guard that I sleep with now. So I don't do this. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the

on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the

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on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the

on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the Gomez and Gomez Legion of scanks part of the problem with Dave Smith $6 a month You can subscribe to get everything. Maybe come down and talk about Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton.

Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton.

Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. Ralph Sutton. every time I ask. So maybe I'm looking around. Maybe we're shopping around come town I think come down fits It's on the network. Oh, yeah, listen to come down everyone. You're not on you yet. I'm still on 10. Go ahead I'll get Tim. I mean the next week I'm at the standard Caroline's, you know Tim Dylan on Facebook Tim J Dylan di LL on Twitter. I date you. Can I give my Twitter handle? Sure. Like Comic Mike V.

Thank you. I don't want to steal Tim's thunder. No, it's okay. At Comic Mike V. It was really thunder. It was like rain. Yeah. With a chance.

I'll be a Bobby Kelly's bar with you this weekend. How are you going to go? I'm going to go. Oh good. Why not? Good, good. You going? You going to sell the size screen?

Well, I will not invite it. You're. But I invited you to be in the show. I'm going to. We're not listening. You're in there. I'm probably. But did you really? Oh, who are you taking? I'm excited. How do you get there?

The tram. Since your uncle stole my car. Yeah. Sorry. Stop. What do you get? He said stupid shirts. This is a great shirt.

And you liked it at the beginning. I don't like it. You said you never said I liked it. I said that's a part of your shirt. I never said it's great. Everybody else seemed to like it. But the you never said I liked it. I said that's a part of Jimmy shirt I never said it's great everybody else seemed to like it but the vibe of what you said was positive I don't like it because I know you're just trying to be cookie shirt guy I'm not trying to be I'm in fact this is me taping tamping down how cool Tampings are our tampings are where it works

And this is just me trying to kind of take it like I like tapping. Thank you. That's what they do with Sam It's tamping works. Tamping has a word tamping down. I mean when you guys are out together on the road are people like what I want you to Tally Mark every time someone thinks your father and son. I'm not gonna use the word Tally Mark. I don't know. I just got fucked by a Brit. Yeah. What were you using the Lou? I got Tally Mark. Hi Tally tell you marks how much bridges I go to my desk What else you got? So listen to come town everyone follow me on Instagram at

Stoffie baby the best instant in the game everyone got some great stuff coming up and then September 11th We all have September 11th gigs. I know. Yeah September 11th. Yeah We're doing it. We're doing a benefit for Terrace. No. September 11th, me and the Comtown boys are doing a live show at Come On Everybody in Crown Heights, Bed, Steyish, whatever. But yeah, check that out please.

You know nobody's going to pick that show up, right? Like that's never, Comtown's never going to be. You know what you think it's going to be? You got to follow your heart, though. Thank you, Lisa. Exactly. I'm following my my truth and what else do you got going on and then I got a great tour that I'm going to be on got a laugh button laugh the laugh buttons actually going to be sponsoring this tour and promoting this tour so it's an official laugh button awesome tour which is awesome we got some sponsors coming on which is great

I'm going to say this if you guys are are a company, you want to sponsor this tour. You want your logo on the Steppen Repeat that we're going to have and all the videos and the podcasts. And we're going to be doing a bunch of social media. You send me an email at dude at riotcast.com. If you want to be one of the sponsors of this tour, we're going to be actually, I want to get raised money so that StarVars doesn't have to stay with me. We need, we need StarVars to sell money. We need money. Or you can just go to the page and donate money to the riotcast page and we'll take that money and make sure you have a room so you don't have to hear this.

Is it drive your wife crazy? If she goes to bed first now. But the way I figured out this was happening, we would go on vacation with my kid and he would wake up in the middle of the night and be like, ah! And I was like, what the fuck, so one night, I woke up, my wife was standing over me like,

good fellows. She was like, it's you. Henry, it's you. My Karen put the fucking video camera down and she had video me going I was like wow so I got this mouthpiece. I you can only get in Canada and It's probably gonna fuck up my jaw when I'm 60 But it takes it. What do you have sleep apnea? Yeah, I'm fat I have a crooked fucking I've got my nose broken like six times Jesus. Yeah, I'm fat. I have a crooked fucking, I've got my nose broken like six times. Jesus.

Yeah, it was terrible. I got punched in the face so much. So I just got a, Deviant Inceptive and all this shit. What do you got there, Scope? It doesn't look bad though. You got a nice, nice sheet. I got a fix the last time.

All right. Just get me on Instagram and Twitter at Chris Scopeau. Okay. Yeah, I got nothing coming up. Nothing. No. All right, I'm with Sucks. Yeah. Deepa, what do you got? I got nothing coming up nothing. No Deeper what do you get I got some awful shows to plug buddy? I got a hell gig in middle sex New Jersey off a root 103 station bar and grill

Just say Instagram like scumbag I got giggs is on a promoter This is worse. I'm a weird middle ground where I have to it. And then I'm gonna show the creek at the September 14th, which is the station bar and grill. I'm fucking good for you, man. I did a bunch of shit shows. I did a show at a gay biker's bar in Maine once. It could be great. I don't fucking know.

Yeah, the fucking, the stage was at the front door. Every five seconds, a bell rang. Hey guys. Fuck it, dude. I did a show at, we had a guys. Oh. Fuck it, dude. I still show a behind the sausage factory. It's good to go. There was a sausage factory in up in Maine somewhere. It sounds amazing.

It sounded like it. Well, it was just this bar that they made for the employees. And the guy who booked it used to do fire rings. And he would fucking do fire ring man comedy before me. And he lit the stage on fire then he brought me up from the sausage employees so good for you thank you promoting that shit when he gonna give us the fucking videos yeah I'm making other videos now buddy I want the video that was so much work too I was making these monologue I was making these

monologue joke videos amazing yeah It was the best thing ever. There's real bad news. That was the best thing ever. Tonight, how many people got people in the room? Right, I just want to ask people. All right, listen guys, tonight is the final premiere, the final finale of Sex, Dr. Rock, and Roll. Please, if you're in the room right now, tonight, tweet about it, watch it.

That's 100 people. If you have people watching, that's 200. More than two, it's three. Just keep spreading the word tonight. Tweet, tweet, tweet, Facebook. Tonight, 10 o'clock, FX, season finale, sex drugs, rock and roll, tonight. So make sure, Johnny, what the fuck's going on with you, buddy? You got anything?

You're retired, right? No, I'm not retired. I'm an EMT. I'm a security agent going on with you, buddy, you got anything? You're retired, right? No, I'm not retired. I'm an EMT. I'm a security agent. I thought you, I thought I retarded. I mean, retarded. I mean, retarded.

I mean, retarded, I mean, retarded, yes. I mean, retarded, yes. To be an EMS for 20 years is what I'm saying. It's retarded, but I'm a 10-star. If I show it to you. Get on your phone again. I swear, give me your phone. Give me your phone. Can I just say? If you add, I swear give me your phone. Give me your phone

Can I just say if you have I swear to God. I will put this in my asshole. I thought well, he might like it It wears the fucking Gomez you have no respect. I apologize. All right. Good. What can I say? What do you want? Flappotomist I Flappotomist and amt security blood. I do blood draws really. Yeah, wow. Yeah, you need a Flappotomist You're an EMT Flappotom draws. Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, you need a phlebotomist. You're an EMT phlebotomist, what else? Security officer. Yeah.

I try to get celebrities booked at autograph shows and conventions. Really? And I promised my girlfriend who couldn't come in that I would try to get a reply on the show if I could. Yeah, what's up, buddy? It's chiropractor- westchester and y.com. I need a chiropractor. Dr. Lee Damkohl, she's been doing it for almost 20 years.

She's the best. She's based out of Yonkers. Local. Can I? Now, I have a bad shoulder, can she fix it? She can work on you for absolutely swear to God. Really? Really? How much is it expensive?

For you? Yeah. It's not expensive. Really? Alright, so what's the bad shoulder also? Who are you? Shut up. Let me get in the first What's out? What's the name of it again? Westchester dash. I'm sorry chiropractor dash westchester NY dot com It's her name is dr. Lee Damkohler. She's awesome. She's friendly and she knows what the fuck is up

I'm gonna go. I want to set up an appointment. I'll hook you right. I do all right good right up I'm definitely gonna I want to say thank you also Bobby and to all you guys here for having me in and letting me sit and hang out with you. It's really great. Thank you very much. Oh, you got it, buddy. What's the prize is you want to show me the prizes now? Yeah. Whatever you want me to show me now. I'm glad it seems like he really loves his life. Oh, he's a fucking great drummer too. He's a fucking amazing. Oh, nice bag.

Swag bag with a couple of things in there. Oh my god. And Jewish letter tattoos. Look at that. Stop roast. We got a nice, a nice water. We can take this on the road, keep it in the car. We know, I got one. I got a Louis one. We know hiking. We're going. We're actually, guys, I'm telling you right now, we are fucking now we are fucking we're being healthy on this tour Right me and stop us eat healthy. Yeah, we'll have him one day. We're just gonna a little fall apart one or two or four or five Whatever are you kidding me. Oh, that's great I these are sticks heat these are practice sticks, right? Those are called tala ones. Yeah

and Steve uses those to play softer when he is grooving. Yeah. To get really great rebound. He finds that those are really, really good. He's got a... He's so pretty. So I snagged a pair of those for you. Wow, those are great.

He's a diamond. What is this? It's a beach towel. A journey beach towel. A journey beach towel. Oh my god, dude. How great is that? That is awesome. I love greatest journey man. We know what this is. I agree with the

how great our beach to be. I love being. Oh my god. That's smoking everybody. Don't stop believing. You're gonna be the coolest You can take you can take naked photos of Stavros on that What's that you got your choice of sticks? Oh, I'm gonna tell you right now I'm going right the fuck. Oh boom right there dude. That's the nub cafe right? This one tastes like coffee. If you're giving a while I'll like. Oh that's great thank you brother that's awesome. That's very sweet of you man. Thank you for bringing the same. Thank you again very much thank you to all

these. I thought I would not like I Did you think you would like them? I don't I do Jean sure it's mostly That's called fucking 2016 that one changed Yeah, I got a few more people to follow on Twitter. I got a few more podcasts to listen to thank you Something I'm really. I. I. I. Can I say something? Um, I met this guy. Now you're into it.

No, I'm not. I shut the show down. I'm at this guy. I'm at this guy. Um, and he started an app called laughable. And what you can do is you type in a comedian and all every podcast they do will show up. Really?

So yeah, and set it up like it really. So Lewis Gomez, the fucking app shuts down. You're. But yeah, it's called up so Lewis Gomez the fucking app shuts down Yeah, it's called laughable and people are liking it and he's not paying me. It's I just think it's a great Check it out check it the fuck oh, what's that man? Oh my god, what is it? Oh, this is gonna haunt me forever. It's it's me on Colin Quinn's cop show. I played sister ping My god, that was so funny. Great. Have you seen that? Yeah, you know, it's funny. This was great. This show. I mean, Colin's such a great writer because, you know, he writes these things in there, but your your relationship with him is threaded through it. You know what I mean? Yeah. And, you know,

he had the speech at the end where I'm just like, you know, I just want main street, main street to use a bad word. I just, you know, I want a God. That's me giving the speech. That's so funny. It's really good. That's so funny. But yeah. And I just, my Marin, I just, I did Marin a while back, I flew out to do it. And it was on Monday. And I can't, it's, it's, I, when we did it, it was a very intense conversation. We got really deep. And, you know, it was just like, fuck it.

Let's just go. Wherever this goes, I'm just going to go with it. And I love Marin. I've always been a fan of Marin and nice to Marin. Even when he would be like, why are you so loud? I was just like, you know, whatever. It didn't bother me. I've always kind of, we both same space mentally. And I did it and it was great. And then, you know, it was months, a month later, a month and a half. It finally came out Monday and the response is amazing. I mean, everybody, because I said some pretty personal shit on there, I mean, it was really

personal and really pretty deep, probably the deepest I've gotten. Yeah, it was great, man. And I can't tell you the response has been great, which I love it when social media actually works in a positive way. When people act, you can actually go and do something and open up and do what we do, and then people actually get help from it, or they love it, and they actually tell you how great it is. Because usually it's how fucking fat I am or stupid I am, which is, you know, I get it you're trying to be funny, but it's a shit way to live it really is it's a shit thing to always be

confronted with people who are just you know because it's not cool to be nice that's what I had somebody say to me once what do you just want people to be nice to you like yeah what the fuck is that yeah I'm sorry I'm not that yeah I'm so edgy you gotta be edgy edgy fuck you Oh, it's a fuck off you're gonna be alone when you're 60 You're gonna be a fucking piece of shit when you're 60 you have that fight life isn't so fucking edgy You know learn to fucking love somebody or something And fucking be nice to yourself and be nice to people. How's that? How that's a fucking good way to live you idiots.

You're fucking trying to help you. I'm trying to fucking help you. Jesus Christ, but this episode, the response has been amazing, and everybody's been sweet as hell. So I wanna thank that, thank everybody. I wanna thank everybody who has the creeps with kids, especially Ron Beneton's crew,

Chris and all of them. I forgot to thank them and my thing. They're amazing. I want to they're fucking great. They did a great song for the show and and no dormant did the theme song for the creeps with kids, which is all the fucking charts. So thank you for everybody involved in that. And that's it, man. You guys are the best fans ever. what? It dates, your tour. Oh go ahead, do it. Yeah, September 9th, you're at the tree house in Westport, Connecticut.

The 10th, you're at Lafayette in Pekipsi, 1617th Vermont Community Club in Burlington, Vermont. And then the 22nd, 23rd, 24th, you're at Laf Boston. Great, and it goes on and on and on and on. Me and Stavros are doing this together, like I said, we're doing a bunch of content, we're doing a bunch of stuff. So support the tour, and if you want to be a sponsor, let me know, and if you want to just donate, so he doesn't have to sleep in the car, please feel free.

I'll take a new picture with your logo. I'm doing Instagram sponsorships also. Just throwing it out there. Oh, you'll do your fucking crazy nude with their logo? Yeah, whatever they want. Oh, all right, that's how you just lost money for a tour. But you guys are the best, and thanks so much for coming in. I'll see you guys next time on You Know What Dead.

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