Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - VIDEO: 'Kreeps with Kids' Live at the Village Underground

Episode Date: September 30, 2016

Ron Bennington hosts 'Kreeps with Kids', with Robert Kelly, Bonnie McFarlane, Jim Florentine and Luis J Gomez. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Teres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien frío. Yo pues al lío.

Con Fireballs, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night. Con fireballs. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Estamos ready a bringing these young people back up on stage? Ladies and gentlemen, grapes with kids coming back up here.

Oh, wait, wait, more, you need a little time? Go ahead, do it. Put it right there next to the hanging fucking panda or whatever we've done. You know, I was so proud of these guys. They're all night long we've been here. Not a single Robin Williams joke. And I'm saying, you know what?

I'm proud. Wait, all night long we've been fucking friends. Now you turn on me. Remember Applecrumb? Bobby Kelly even picked up one of the sketch artist thing. We were together. Are we ready to go with the guys? We ready to do this.

Let's bring Louis J. Gomez back up to the stage. Louis J. Gomez, Yavid Arias. We haven't seen him in a while. Fart him, McFarlane is here. Jim Florentine. Got the kid, yeah, I have a seat. I don't know where I'm going with this. I'll just go down the end here.

And it's the Robert Kelly. Robert Kelly, let me hear it close. Now, I wanted to just ask you guys before we got going to all parents here, but we have in trouble with... Yeah. You were the only one that heard it. What was it? What was the joke? It was it. It was a shard out of my... You got a good girl there, dude.

Yeah, he's an experienced train comedian. Really one of the best. Everybody here, everybody has just one kid. Yeah, I mean that one. Well, one that I kept. I have a couple murders under my belt. Look at her, yeah, I had a couple abortions. Go fuck yourself.

Okay. You're fucking saw her on Facebook now. You be like, I get it, all right. Hey, hey, Bobby, just to help you in the future, when we say pro-choice, that's for the woman, not for the man. He has no choice than that. How old would they have been? Wow.

What a shit question. My God. All right, listen, can we name them? No! No! Let's name them on the show. If we can All right, listen. Can we name them? No! No! Let's name them on the show. If we can name yours, fucking Julio. Fucking, all right, relax.

I'm sorry. Julio. This is what Keith left. Too much racism. Keith left because it takes him four fucking eight hours to get back to his car. He's still going up the stairs right now. Hey, hey, you know this sad thing? He had a fucking TV under one hand, so.

Like, under his dead hand. Do the best you can, Keith. How fucking funny he's getting the cops to unbelievable. It's great to say him up here. How fucking infuriating is how funny Ron Beas. He comes out. He goes out. He goes out. No. Unbelievable. It was great. Let's say him up here. How fucking infuriating is how funny Ron Beas.

No. He comes out. He goes out. He goes out. Yeah. How much? One's every two decades he goes on stage, and he blows everyone out of the water.

How infuriating is it that Bonnie said that to both of us offstage, and Lewis just took it. See. Who are you a fucking asshole? Yeah. I'm sorry he used to being the ghost right now. Yeah. My husband is a moron.

I think he's here. Look for a dumb hat. He is here. Yeah, he's right back there. Where is he? Uh-huh. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Yeah, Flamingo kid beat it. All right, there we go.

Rummy. All right, you know, out of everybody here, Bonnie is the only one who's actually given birth. You know, it's true. I don't know if that's true, but I think it might be. I was just on vacation, I had fucking fried food all week, so I don't know about that. I can give birth this afternoon to something.

I don't know what it was. Hey, Bonnie, was Rich in the delivery room? Yes, he was, and he actually, after the baby was born, he was taking pictures, and then the doctor said, let me take a picture of both of you. And Rich was recording it at the same time. So this is what you hear in the recording is Rich going the other way, turn it the other way.

Turn it the, no, it goes, you gotta press the other button, the other button. And then you hear me being like, oh! This is wonderful. It's a wonderful memory we have. Was Rich there when you got pregnant? No.

Here's what happened. He's dying back there without a mic. He's got 75 in a row to hammer us. He's killing him. That's the best thing. This is seriously, this could be the new show. Don't let Rich up. He's written 19 great jokes over there.

You don't understand what I have to listen to on the way home. So, Bobby, this was your idea. Why was this the group that you picked? What was it about this, that you wanted to put the show together? Well, this group was the first group I picked, you know, just in case it didn't work, then I can go to the next group, which is Rich Voss, PJ, Kevin Brennan. That's the group I want. No, I'm kidding.

That's the, no. No, this group. Kevin Brennan is the girl in that group. No, the... I take offense to that. I just know, really with us, I always had this idea for the last couple of years, but then I know Bonnie in rich,

and I know the way Bonnie is. Bonnie's such a fucking great mom, but she's Bonnie. Like her kid is fucking hilarious, like a comic. I know how Lewis is a great fucking dad, but he's a piece of shit human being. And then I was fucking watching Facebook with Dennis so I'm Florian Dean's kid, a birthday party with a metal band.

And I was like, this is the show, this is the show. These fucking three assholes. Who are great parents, but it's the other side. You know, usually you think of parents, some dude in khakis eating a yogurt with his fucking wife making a fucking salad shot of a magazine and the fucking kid, hi, with a skateboard.

The other day I did a show with Tim Dillon, I don't know if you read it. I love Tim's right. Okay, he's like, never have kids. Fat gay, Republican. Anyway, so we're leaving. So there's a good podcast. My daughter's a, my daughter's a, she's, you know,

she's nine I guess. And she said, daughter says to him, my daughter says to me, you know, she's nine, I guess. And she said, she said to him, she goes, by fat ass. Right? So I got mad at her in the car, and the way home, I was like, can you see, yeah, he's gonna be, so then the next night we were at the stand, and he was there, and I said,

say something nice to Tim Dylan, you know, you were mean to him before, she said nice to Tim Dylan. You know, you were mean to him before. Say something nice, she goes, nice hair fat ass. That's what he's like. She's like, there's what are you gonna do with her? Yeah. Look at that. I'm Bonnie beat the shit out of her.

It was uncomfortable. It smashed her. Later, boss said, hey, that's mine. I've been doing that for five years, ask anybody. That was on my seventh album. Yeah. I did it the stress factory at 3 in the afternoon on a Wednesday.

All these comments are so much shorter than you think. Voss is selling a CD outside after the show. That's why he's here. Not to support Bonnie. He needs gas money back to Jersey. Voss is selling a CD outside after the show. That's why he's here. Not to support Bonnie. He needs gas money back to Jersey. One of these days, he's going to sell that CD, though. We're pulling for you, pal.

We're pulling for you, pal. And I'll go out and buy another one. All right, some of these folks had some questions too. Does anybody here actually feel like they're an expert at parenting? Does that do? Yeah. I really do. I feel like I'm a great parent.

Really, based on what it's different. It's different. It's singular. I'm talking about compared to most Puerto Rican men who are completely absent from the kids' lives. I'm doing pretty fucking good. All right. But see, you get to win on a very low fucking scale game.

Now, imagine yourself in the white community. Oh, my gosh. Well, I should be in prison. Well, we don't have a fucking parade for that. Like you guys do. Two million people show up. Oh my god. Well, that should be in prison. Well, we don't have a fucking parade for that. Like, you guys do. Two million people show up. There's one fucking puppy waving.

Like a white buffalo. But how about you, Jim? Do you feel like you're good? I don't, you know, people say you're a good... I take him a lot of concerts. He's been in the like... Last week, we saw a black Sabbath and raging as a machine. No, I'm into your bad parent's gym.

Yeah, no, people like, you're a good dad. You take him to shows. I go, I was going to those shows before he was born. You know what I mean? Like, I would go no matter what. I just have him on those days when the concert is and he's fucking gone, make some too cheap to pay for a babysitter. So your point is Eddie trunk thinks you're a good father. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. And it's all metal. You just take them to metal shows? Yeah, mostly metal shows. He met Ozzy last week. Yeah. Yeah.

But remember, before you think it's great, he's five. He doesn't fucking give a shit. He looks tailgain. We get there like four and he afternoon in the park. Yeah. He's shit in the park a lot last year. I'm like, just shit right here. His friend stepped in and he's still talking about his pissing. Yeah, it's great. I am fucking ready to apologize to Louis J. Gomez.

Not a problem, Ron. Bonnie, do you think you're a great pet? No. I'm better than Rich. I don't know. People are always like, you know, you bring your kids. I get judged a lot, harsher, I think, because you're like, you bring your can to a show and then you listen to the language.

But the truth is, honestly, it doesn't somehow affect her. She really doesn't. She just plays with her two, if you ever see her, she's always got her two stuffed animals, shit face and punty. And the language doesn't, the French names, the French names. That's our imaginary parents.

Shit, facing Cuntie are her real parents. That's the name of losses next CD. Let's sell this one first. We've got to get rid of that. All right, here's my kid and unlike you guys, I could at least then mind survived into adulthood, so I feel like I have the experiment work. Yeah, like looking into the future. Hey, Gal, you look great.

Stop it. Thanks, someone. Sir, is your mic on? It's on. Hello, hello, okay, cool. The first question is from Sam. You should be in the light. Look what I mean.

You should be in the light. Yeah, he needs in the dark. You need in the light. We're going to be in the light because the audience was going to be with you. But go ahead, ask your question. Ask it. Look at the audience. OK.

Come on, you could go. Somewhere out there, Sam has a question. What is the biggest lie you have ever told your kid? What is the biggest lie you have ever told your kid? Who her dad is? Oh. You know what? You know what? Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Spectacularismos, rencones de película y un sincindia aventuras

te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Huelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán, a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Zarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. I see, I think that's the thing about comics,

is they don't feel this necessity to make a normal childhood for their kids. You know, like regular people lie to their kids about shit. You know, I don't know if comics care that much. I also told my daughter, she was a girl, she's really a boy. I think what we're learning is I could have used some lies. You could have used it.

What was the lie that Ronnie told you? No, I don't think he did. That's exactly what he was saying. I think it was very apparent. I was always at comedy shows growing up. I actually, I grew up on cocktail olives and mercenaries. I look at you, you're doing great. I actually, I grew up on cocktail olives and maricino cherries. I look at you, you're doing great.

You're doing okay. But there was, I should, there was one lie. When I remember with that woman, I said, this is your aunt from Omaha. Yeah. Yeah, okay. LAUGHTER Where the fuck are you going?

Too far. All right, so you, Lose, you never feel the need to lie to you? I don't want to, my mom. Where the fuck are you going? Too far All right, so you'd Lose you never feel the need to lie to you? I don't lie to my kid. Yeah, I literally just written the face I tell him how hard the world is yeah, let him know that his mom and his dad don't leverage each other anymore And he's probably not gonna go to college Very honest relationship why throw in the word probably? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and this goes he doesn't lie, so. Luke, do you lie? Luke, come up here, Luke. Luke, come up here, Luke.

Luke, Luke. All the other kids are on stage. Luke, Luke, Luke. Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, put down the Heineken, Luke, put down the Heineken. What? You have also want to be if you just took a shit on the stage. Imagine how pissed V Boss is now.

Knowing this kid's getting a little stage time. Hey, Boss, do you want to come sit between Bonnie's legs? Well, granted, he is too inches taller than Boss. You'll have to take him. What? He's got bigger hands. Boss just met my son. He's like, that's my shirt. He's got bigger hands. Boss just met my son. He's like, that's my shirt. He's wearing it. What the fuck? Luke.

Hi, Luke. How you doing, buddy? Yeah. So, Luke, did I tell you any lies? No. Luke, what's your favorite band? Professor Ray. Oh, geez. It's like the right news.

Maybe the show is a bad idea. Professor Ray? It's the Raging Into Machine. Oh, I know. I'm so into this ridiculous. Are you crazy? That's terrible. There's so many better bands out there, Luke.

Chuck D. When you got a high five from Chuck D, at the concert the other day. So that's I think that's his favorite now. Cool. Yeah, that's that's great. That's how he picked it. Oh, it's great. I'm gonna teach you something notes about foster parents. But you know what's great about him? He could play like the kid you in a movie if there's ever a flashback scene. Yeah. What are you doing a movie?

It's amazing. He's got that hair that you have when you're younger. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we want it longer, but there's some complications there. We, uh, but, uh, wait, what? What type of complications could there be? He can't. Because he's a kid. Fucking there be? You can't. Hands here.

Fucking bomb. Yeah, we just... I... We found a good way. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?

I didn't even know what the fuck we're doing. So, there's a thing. How? How could someone think of something that mean that fast? That's what I don't understand. Look who she's married to. Come on. I bet you he had that line before Bonnie thought of it.

He did it in 92. All right, Gail, what's another question? All right, Victor would like to know, how do I explain sex to my kids? You just show them. Well, can I just say this happened when Raina was like four or five. She was very young. She kept asking me how it happened. And I said, well, the man plans to seed inside the woman.

And then she was like, OK, well, how does the man plan to seed? And I was like, don't ask me that part. I don't want to tell you that part. But the man has to seed, the woman gets seed. And then she goes, well, where does the seed come out? And I was like, the penis. And then she was like, well, how does the,

oh, she swallows pants. I said, sometimes. I said, I said, no, no, it goes into vagina. She goes, oh, thank God. What? Yes, Luke, that's how a baby is made. We just taught him. Yeah.

Yeah, he's already a pervert. Like, I was getting my hair cut the other day, and he took my phone, was taking pictures of the girls' ass, cutting my hair. He's like, look at these pictures, Dad, aren't they good? I'm like, yeah. I'll use them later when you go to sleep. Yeah.

I'm like, yeah, I'll use them later when you go to sleep. I'll use them later when you go to sleep. I'll use them later when you go to sleep. Jim has a picture-ass piggy bank. I'm stopping the time of his life. Yeah, I hope you remember some of this. When he's with his new family in Kansas. Give us another one, Gail. Okay, this next question. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it.

I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it.

I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't hit my kids because I got hit. When I was a kid, I got hit a lot. No, you deserved it, though. What the fuck? I didn't deserve it. I was fucking three, four, five. That explains a lot. Yeah, I don't hit my kid, but it's really hard not to shake them. To do something.

You don't even mean because it's a-it's a-you to fucking shut the fucking- don't do that, don't fucking, I said that moment happens a lot where it's like I said and you're like I said you need to listen. What the- I just remember my mother grabbing me, I come- you come with me, I don't want to go, you come with and then I just remember being pulled by my hair to Johnny's food master down the block and neighbors going, hey, Kathy, she's like, hi, and I'm just like, I'm being fucking dragged! You can't do that anymore. Yeah, I don't spank him, but I give him a fighting chance, I give him boxing gloves and

whatever we have at dispute, we just settle at the old fashioned way out back. You don't have an outback. You don't have an outback. No, no, we go to the restaurant outback. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. Big a big scene. Hey, look, if I ever hit you,

now child services might be in the room. Again. I'll go in the room and lock the door on you. So he tries to hit you. That's when Daddy's drinking, right? When Daddy drinks. It's best to go in the room and lock the door. Ron, good, Luke.

Ron, we're from the age where you can't really hit the kid, but you were back in the day. You could actually hit her. Did you hit her? Well, kid, but you were back in the day, you could actually hit her, did you hit her? Well, no, but you say here's a deal. I never, and even to this day, I've ever taken it off the table. You know what I mean? I'm like, I still think it's a possibility.

Yeah. I'll just come in and I go, I'll fucking knock everybody out. And then I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we're going to bed. I'm going to bed. I got to hit, but the thing that I worry come in and I go, I'll fucking knock everybody out. And then they're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we're gonna bet. We're gonna bet. But I got hit, but the thing that I worry about these kids is like, they don't know what it's like to get hit.

So when they get in their first fight, they're gonna fucking be surprised, you know? Seph alluvious is kid. Yeah. But no, it really is true, because you bring your kid to the park and we do practice peaceful parenting. We're very serious about it.

And it's like, most other parents, 80% of parents out there are hitting their kids. And that's the way these kids are... 80%. Yeah. We're neighborhood. No. Look it up.

I swear to God, 80% of parents admit to hitting their kids as young as one years old. And these kids are going out into the real world and using violence in order to get to what they want out of it. Getting ahead. Uh-huh. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- Doesn't happen. I couldn't imagine hitting a kid though. I can't even imagine it feels good. Jesus.

They're so fucking weak. That was always my trick is to go down on the first slap, too, when I was a kid. I'd go right over the fucking coffee table all the time. It was the great. My dad always, I swear to God, he called me the bad actor. So it was gonna be like, kidney. I go right over the fucking coffee table all down. It was the great. My dad always, I swear to God, he called me the bad actor. So it was gonna be like, kidney.

Oh, fuck. You mean, that was the major, that's the end of the... That was the major, that's the end of the... Yeah, it really was. I remember one time I, like psychologically, wanted to fuck with my mom. She's like, beat in my ass, and then I was like, I'm gonna just tell her, I'm gonna break down and cry

and tell her that I love her. And I was like, mom, but I love you. Just, I don't fucking love you. You just punched me in the face again. That is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a dead, that is a yeah, what is that like so he doesn't know? Isn't understand. Yeah, my dad was stabbed it up Wow, thanks you're coming And did they know who did it yeah, he went he's actually out of prison. He only did 25 years. Yeah, yeah Yeah, so if you kill a Puerto Rican, it's almost worth it You hear that Luke

You hear that, Luke? That's all white on neighborhood. But if one of them happened to walk their way into your neighborhood, you don't even ask questions. Just take action, all right, Luke? Wait, Luke, it could be that the moulange. You don't know. Give them a chance. Figure out. Let's just go to another question. Okay. All right, the next question is from Laurie and Larry who are sitting right here.

Oh, there they are. Laurie and Larry, gay. Stop it. Who are you? Mary's a person with fucking alliteration. You got a kid named Luke. Oh. It's not good. You were so smart and so dumb, yeah.

I want to put a weekend says, literally, he means liquorice. So we're keeping up with him now. All right. All right. Say, we are expecting a baby girl in January. What do you wish you had ready before you brought your kid home from the hospital? All right. All right. Say, we are expecting a baby girl in January. What do you wish you had ready before you brought your kid

home from the hospital? Oh, it's a great question. Yeah. Oh, what about for you? Lois, was it a green card? What were you thinking? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Fuckin' nobody faster. Is there anything for you? Oh, just know that you're gonna hate each other for the first year.

For the first year? It's been three. Well, definitely the first year. Oh, me and my fucking hormones. You're gonna be all over the place. You're gonna be tired. You're gonna fight. Yeah, you're gonna fight all the fuck.

Listen to me, dude. Listen to me. I'm gonna fight. I'm gonna fight. I'm gonna fight. I'm gonna fight. I'm gonna fight. I'm gonna fucking... Horn monger, you're gonna be all over the place. You're gonna be tired. You're gonna fight. Yeah, you're gonna fight all the fuck.

Listen to me, dude. Listen to me. Fuck the shit out of her as much as you can now. That dies. Die. And then you can't jerk off either, because you're gonna be jerking off and your kid, my kid's three, he'll come in,

hey, that, and I, you know, I got my pecker ready to go in the shower. And he'll be like, hey, and I have to turn around and I, you know, I got my pecker ready to go in the shower. And he'll be like, hey, and I have to turn around and fucking, you know, I'll try to get my dick down and get the soap off it. If you can't see it, how can he? He's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh,

he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, oh. That's it. Dude, you're gonna fight a lot. Yeah. You're gonna fight a lot. Just know that. You're gonna fight a lot. You're gonna fucking hate each other. Little micro fights.

Little little like you, but you said you're gonna do that. Yeah, I'm doing it, but you, oh, fuck. Yeah. Just know you're gonna hate each other. Yeah, and you're not, and watch all your TV now, because it's fucking done. TV's gone. You know hate each other. Yeah, and you're not, and watch all your TV now, because it's fucking done. TV's gone. You know more TV shows? Yeah, learn to stay up, too.

People say, get your rest, fuck your rest. There's no rest when you have that shot. That's a great point. You gonna stand that? Fuck and do coke. Learn. Seriously, start doing blow, Navy SEAL training,

fucking stand for like nine days. Because you know what, the baby dies if you don't, she has to eat every three hours, or she's not gonna make it. So that means somebody has to be up every three hours feeding this fucking. Somebody. Well, has to be up.

My wife's titties didn't work, so I have to fuck. These guys can complain all they want, but I know the truth. Bonnie was rich, was rich up, feeding a baby, a lot in the beginning. I don't, I have no idea where he was, but thank God he left. It's some of our marriage. You know, I never heard somebody talk about that. That's actually a great point.

It's like, why would you say get your rest? Being sleep deprived and not killing a child? Yeah, it's fucking... Like, because you're in sync, you're going crazy, but do you want to turn on the set? Get used to not killing a child. If you're thinking about having a baby, go try to get your not killing a child in stinks together.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying, Bonnie. We're gonna fucking echo in here. I'm not. Hey, am I just like a white woman? Hi. I want to help, Louis. Anyone know Spanish for sarcasm? Is there a word that translates over?

But Bobby, you could write the scariest children's book that's ever happened because if you think of a kid doesn't eat every three hours, it dies. You must split it up. Yeah, yeah, you're like the audience now. Go ahead, buddy. Bye, buddy. They all want to leave, though.

Bye, Luke. Okay. That was a look warm response. No. Hey, let him have it, huh? Give him one. Dude, that's a really cute kid, though, seriously. Yeah, thanks.

Yeah. Absolutely. I like it. I like it. Absolutely. I like it. I like it. Alright, this is Bridget. This is an interesting one. How do we make our stepkids like each other? Oh, okay, great. Bonnie, what did it take for you to start liking Rich?

How did that, how did you think about Rich? He's the older than me. It's stepkids when I met him, and they never saw me as a parental figure. Never, you know, it was like a weird, I mean, they were at a weird age, they're older than I am, but it was always. Oh, wait.

Oh, wait. Never listen, I'd be like, but no more my strong, go to bed, nothing. It wouldn't do it. Fuckin' boss is all the shit. Oh, shit. Rich used to have great step-kid jokes, I guess, when you have a second wife or third or fourth, whatever.

He'd be like, yeah, I have two step-catchers, great, so I don't have to hit my kids anymore. He goes, then, I'm going, bed at night. I lay next to him, and I tell him those three words. It's our secret. It just... She still remembers it. That was on CD number one or two, or eight.

That was on number one. It's for sale afterwards, outside. It's just a joke. It's just a joke. It's just a joke. It's just a joke. It's one thing not to bring him up here. Another thing to do is material. I figured.

I mean, there's a place we have to stop. I figured nobody in the room has that, you know, just give him a little preview of that first CD. He's going to be selling. Is it for sale the The first one still? No. Huh? You can only see his hat.

Oh, God. Fucking Jesus. Doesn't even need a microphone. That one's on iTunes. All right, get back. Get back., get back. Get back. Just get back. Just back up.

Bonda, can you tame him? Let's give her a soul and a whip. It's nothing I can do. So I don't think you can actually make kids like each other. You know, you can't make your kids like somebody else's kid. It depends on how old they are, too. If it's an older kid, he's not going to like a younger kid. You know, my kid's three.

He only hangs out when he loves older kids. He hates kids his age. You know what I mean? But if I had to like, hook him up with, if me and Mara have got divorced and I met a chick with another kid, that's a tough one. I'm just going to take the age. But you thought about it. Huh? Me and Mara have got divorced and I met a chick with another kid. That's a tough one. Me and she's gonna take the age. But you thought about it.

Huh? I feel back as I'm like that. I'm really happy. Like I love, I'm with my wife. Not funny. It really is. She's also here tonight. No, she's not. My wife isn't here.

What the fuck do you do? What are you doing, man, boy? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You're just saying how much you like her. I do. I love her. I don't like her. What the fuck is... Oh, in junior high, I fucking love her. You fucking piece of shit. But do you like her like her? The fuck I love my wife. I love her. You're such a fag.

What the fuck? Why am I a fag for loving my wife? I love my wife. This morning, my wife, I for loving my wife? Yeah, I love my wife. This morning, my wife, I was hugging my wife. My kid came in, the three of us were doing it, like a three spoon hugging each other, fucking loving each other. If my kids started singing, we were all singing together.

Hold on, I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come. Look, it's cream for the kids. We don't have to go that far with it.

I mean, the fuck? Why did you hit? When you were with your wife and you had the kid, you never did loving shit with your wife all three of you. No, it was a goddamn nightmare. She hit for guts. Yeah, we had some moments, absolutely. Rich, do you love Bonnie?

Don't say the truth. What? As a friend. We got a brand. We have a brand. We have. We may do loving shit together, but we don't fucking talk about it at a comedy show.

Have you ever lied and been together and held each other with the kid? Oh, you've never been, you've never been in a holiday in on the road and hugged each other. Yes, we've been in a holiday. We've hugged each other out of like, ah, what's happening with our lives? But not like this is great. That was the saddest shit I've ever thought of. That hurt the fuck. That hurt my eyes.

Oh, why were you in the holiday in pool? Oh, fuck it, body. I'm gonna go and hit my wife. She'll be happy that you did. What's up? All right, let's go to another question here. All right. To circle go to another question here. All right, to serve you.

War help. How much longer? Well, waiting for a light. It's there. Bring it. Oh, and it is? Yeah, we got to go. Oh, really?

I thought it was Christmas. One more question. One more question, folks. All right. How do I get my kids to stop cursing? So my parents and in-laws stop yelling at me. All right, so do any of you guys worry at all what your kids say? Yeah, my fucking...

My kid, let me tell you, he's a my kid every time he hears a horn, he goes, fuck! Because when I drive and someone cut, man, where the fuck in motherfucker, my kid goes, fuck, literally. We're in the house. A car drove by, blah, blah, fuck. I don't know what to do.

Let it happen. Let it happen. Yeah, I mean, yo, I mean, I just, you know, you just let you get... I don't know how to fuck the fucking change. I say fuck a lot. I don't even know. I think it's kind of funny when you kids say fuck. But then when you get told, you start to worry.

Like, you know, you gotta just compartmentalize. You're like, oh, it's fine here, but don't say that school. You know, don't say it around these parents. You gotta be careful with your kids, because when you talk, not my kids three, and he's real verbal, you can't talk shit about like family members or your friends, because the Jews.

The Jews. No, I'm telling you. No, that's okay. Because they'll fucking, you know, you'll be talking shit, and then I'm Peggy will come over fucking twat. Like, no, no, no, no. You gotta be careful. Because they're a lot smarter than you give them credit for.

That's why they'll understand when you say not around at Peggy. You know what I mean? What about you, Jimmy, watch his language at the Slipknot show, or whatever the fuck. Slick it in his poor kid. He seems Slipknot twice, by the way. No, he knows Kers is, he never, he never Kers is, and if he's singing a song, he skips the curse.

He knows I got to to curse, so I'm not gonna say it. He's good with that, right? Luke, do you curse? Fuck no. He wants ice cream after was that? No, he doesn't, but he doesn't. Go with the bit, kid. He knows.

Go with the bit. He should have done fuck no. We could end it to show on that. I know. Wait a minute. Hold on. Fuck, here's the deal. What did you bring your own mic?

Oh, there it is. Yeah. Oh, fuck is that? Who gave him a mic? Is that? Would gave him a mic? Is that? Did you run the radio check? Shut up.

Can you want to do comedy to Starbucks later? Some CDs? How you doing, folks? Why? I don't even like how you talk like you're fucking Dr. Philippi. Listen to me. But our kid came in the room the other day.

I swear to God. And she cleaned it up and said, uh... I was... Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm sorry. It totally grossed. Because it's a girl. That makes you gross. If it was a boy, it would have been funny.

She's not a squirter. Well... She's not a squirter. Yes. Yeah. At least one girl comes in the house At least I have a girl in the house Creeps for kids everybody wasn't great

That's it Rich Boss Dale Bennington Jim Florentin Lewis Jacob As Bonnie McFarlane. Ron Bennington, and his lovely daughter.

And Robert Kelly, let him be our folks. Thank you. And thank you so much. And I'm not dormant for making the song, too, by the way. And back for doing the artwork for the show, you guys are the best. We'll see you next time.