Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Virtue Legend | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #37

Episode Date: May 14, 2025

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder discuss lube, the Creek and the Cave and Comedy Mothership, have their first guest, Luis’ new tattoo, the best cookies, Luis’ new book, clucking for KFC, gay Russians, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607  SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/  Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez  Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedyhttps://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/  Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS  LucyGet 20% off first order w/ code “REGZ” True Classic Support the show at trueclassic.com/regz RidgeGet up to 40% off with code REGZ Small Batch CigarUse code REGZ10 for 10% off plus 5% rewards Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We'll be right back. What's up, everybody? We're back. This is it. I guess I'm back. You're back, baby. You're back in the driver's seat. It's crazy how hot you look.

What do you mean? Joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I guess I'm back. You're back baby. You're back in the back. Back dude. It's crazy how hot you look. What do you mean? Joe came in here. I guess we already talked about it. No you didn't. Oh well in the ad. We'll play later. Well teasing it but we talked about it. In an ad Joe basically blows Bobby. I just said your arms look great. Why don't you let me get a little bit. You do look good though. I don't get shit from. My wife hasn't said shit.

About your true classics? Maybe because every time- Since I got the surgery. Maybe because every time she comes up, you go, my wife's cunt is as dry as a fucking sandbox. That is true. That could be. Cheers, man.

Yeah, I don't know. Truth Bell. Maybe start adding in some compliments on it and then, you know. A sandbox is actually wetter because it has worms. Damn. Ours is like a fucking- Like that? I wish it made sounds. Damn. Hers is like a fucking. Like that. I wish it made sounds.

Cheeks. Can it make some, like this. I lube my wife up. I just dump lube all over the place. And she's still, she doesn't have like some dry old pussy, but lube is good. Lube is. I don't like lube because it gets, I don't know.

I'll tell you why. I used to jerk off with it. I don't like that either. I don't like, I don't like to jerk off at lube. I used to love. I like dry jerking off. Dry jerking. Me too, I'm the you why. I used to jerk off with it. I don't like that either. I don't like to jerk off a lube. I used to love to jerk off a lube. I like dry jerking off. Dry jerk! Me too, I'm the same way.

No lotion? Rip to shreds. Rip it to shreds. I got the thumbprint. You know about the thumbprint. Thumbprints, why? Yeah. I love a dry rub.

Completely dry, dude. I like my ribs too, dry rub. No, dude, I'm thick. I want that Kansas City barbecue. I want sauce on it. I want some or Kansas City dry rub Who does the who does the driver? Yeah, let him do it let him have some conjuring yeah, what's that before the show we should go to Mighty Quinn's I would absolutely What is that barbecue last night great barbecue? It's not far from here

I had Hill Country remember when we used to do the show that show what bar was that at? at Hill Country. Remember when we used to do the show? I had that show. What bar was that at? I walk my dog down that street every day and I try to find which bar we used to do that show at. It was across directly across the street from Hill Country. Yeah, Paul Odo ran it. It was called like NU.

It was called like a... Hog Pit. Yes, and Paul wanted it to be like a hot show. And I mean, I liked that idea also, but I was like, shit, just every week, it was like just a bar going, nobody came. Full bar, they didn't do a thing. We did a lot of bar shows and a successful bar show

will break off the comedy from the bar. This just had the bar while a comedy show was going. I did all that shit in Boston. Yeah, that's right. Like we did, I did a lot of like Chinese restaurants. On the high that shit in Boston. Yeah, that's rough. I did a lot of Chinese restaurants. On the high of Goyle. Part of our shit. When I moved to New York, we would just,

the Boston and here. I didn't do any of the outside, fuck. I was just thinking about the other day. You guys came up at the creek in the cave. I mean, that little fucking weird place was awesome. Awesome. We came out during the opposite of a boom. A crash. You came into the crash but you guys were working like I remember when I first did the week at the

creek. Yeah. Oh yeah. She made the young comics sit. Yeah because I couldn't even sell out. I mean that was a real rough room to sell out because of where it was in Queens. It was like off the G or a weird walk off the seven. Yeah but such a cool little place. It was awesome. It was, and by the way, the creek in Austin feels very similar to the creek in Queens. But now it's like a full club. Rebecca, God bless her, we all love her. There were things, I think there was too much drugs

and alcohol or something, because I think people were picking up Mexican food there. They had great food. Yeah. And people. It was weird that they had this amazing Mexican restaurant attached to the club. But that's the thing, nobody knew! Like literally Colin Quinn is getting directed by Jerry Simons.

Jerry Simons is in the building and people are picking up their tacos and they don't know. I'm like they should staple the fucking... this is a comedy. Like who's coming to the show? Yes! Yeah dude, it was wild. They were also was... Rebecca did a thing where on paper, very cool, very artistic, didn't charge for tickets. And then just, okay, what's going on? I just keep talking. Oh, I know. I'm not a charge because people need to feel they're

invested. Yeah. They're just, it was really cool. She tried to do these like, Hey, just buy some drinks. All the shows are free. She missed out on so much money. Yeah. She could have had so much. Well, here's what's sad too. She could have had so much money. Well, here's what's sad too. She could have had all of us. She went to Austin and opened up this amazing creek in the cave. Yeah. And then Rogan opened up a fucking club. But I've heard, from what I've heard from people that I know in Austin, it is like the

alternative for Ro- like you can- like the comedy mothership is so tight knit. Right. And so, and it's a- I also heard it's not a fun hang if you're an Austin comic. What the mothership? If you're not like in with Rogan and his crew, if you're coming up, it's not like the cellar. The cellar you could sit at the bar and feel awkward. I've heard the mothership, you have to get past Navy Seals to get into the green room. Right. I love Rogan. I love the club. I think it's perfect. And I don't know what you're talking about. I have no idea. And every time I go there, I feel joy in my heart. You fucking have to.

Only club that when they go, do you want to, I go yes, before they even say, and then I feel joy. Yeah, and he swung me. I'm like, I'm all in on Trump. Oh my God. Smart guy. Very smart. Very little corruption.

I just bought Max, me and Max a bow and arrows. compound bows. We started shooting. So you won't have your Zuckerberg moment with Rogan when he asks you what kind of bow you have? Well, I don't know what that means. Does he shoot a bow too? Oh, he does.

Oh, it's just coincidence then. I love elk meat too. That's so cool that that's coming in. The thing I've brought it up before, but I bring it up every time, when Joe Rogan posts a picture of elk meat, just go see who likes it. Really?

Because it's the most bootlicking shit in the world. You're like, you fucking pussies. I gotta tell you though. There's like cool meat. As a fat, as a fat fuck. Fucking loser. He always posts it like when I'm in a hotel room by myself and I can't get food.

And then you're like, fuck. Oh, look at those jalapenos. In my brain I'm like, I'm gonna go kill something outside and try to make it in my bathroom. I wanna season it. See if squirrel looks like fucking elk meat. Yeah, but I think the creek is like the good, And my brain, I'm like, I'm going to go kill something outside and try to make it in my bathroom. I want to season it. See if squirrel looks like fucking elk meat. Yeah.

But I think the Creek is like the good, like weird place to go. And they got the backyard. You can smoke. Yeah. They got a good, they got a great outdoor hang. I'm a fan of an outdoor hang. They got an outdoor stage too. I just did the, uh, mic drop in San Diego and I, what?

Did you pull your bicep there yeah yeah yeah why are you rolling yeah ever since he said you had good arms you know it's pretty crazy I was in San Diego guys real quick so tired Joe that's fucking nice too bad right dog really nice my shoulders um whatever dude we're just two guys who live today and we play the mothership. God, you guys are such alphas. I'll be there in September. I'll be...

They set out in the... This is what I love doing at a club. I go, can you just put a chair outside somewhere in the back for me with a table? And I do it at SideSplitters. SideSplitters is great. SideSplitters in the back. You're like an old Cuban man. Buddy, I love sitting outside.

Absolutely. Table, cigar, in between shows, smoking, and just sitting in the back. I love sitting outside. I love sitting outside. I love sitting outside. I love sitting outside. I love sitting outside. I love sitting outside.

I love sitting outside. I love sitting outside. I love like an old Cuban man. Buddy, I love sitting outside. Absolutely. Table, cigar, in between shows, smoking my bat. Where at SideSplitters do they put the table in the back? In the back, right in the back. But. Every once in a while, two people will walk by and be like, we're coming to see you.

And you feel like a loser. Last time I was there, someone slammed on the window. And Sagalo, Matt Ross, and I were in the green room. They just came up to the window. They were like, oh, do, do, do. And you're like, oh, fuck. Someone just scared the fuck out of me. I Ross and I were in the green room. They just came up to the window They're like Someone's the fuck out of me. I got it. It's a good job whoever did that by an alligator at Versanis in Port Charlotte, they have like like the are we supposed to know what either one of those things are no no Versanis Versanis in Port Charlotte. Yeah. Oh, I love what's on is it's a restaurant a comedy. It's a comedy theater

Yeah, Italian restaurant You got you got you got no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I do have a great chicken pump. And they have chocolate. The food is great. Switzerland. Yeah, so who? They got in on the west side of Florida. Cause this is my plan at the end. You're going west side? Buddy, I'm not doing west. Gulf side. I'm doing the loop. When I'm done, when I'm 65, I'm not doing this Voss shit

where I'm gonna hang around you assholes. And when you got- I love this idea. I agree. I'm selling it all. Yes. I'm buying a nice place. Yes.

Near the water. And I'm gonna do the loop. Yes. I'm gonna go from, I'm gonna go all. Yes. I'm buying a nice place near the water and I'm gonna do the loop. Yes. I'm gonna go from, I'm gonna go here to here and then back. You could follow Max on his amateur MMA career while it's happening. That's right.

Go to all the rages in the cages that he fights in. Jimmy Schubert's down there. You got, we got size putters, of course. Great. My favorite club in Florida, the only club I will work in Florida. Size putters, coastal creative, you could do a little bigger show if you want, a little boutiquey show if you want.

You can go to McCurdy's, love McCurdy's. So you're just going to be half retired? Exactly. I'm going to be half retired. I'm just doing this, phump and phump and then phump. Doing the Tom Dustin. Yeah, well yeah, without the alcohol. Yeah, sure.

Without the alcohol on the fucking nights, I don't remember. But I remember that. I remember when he was like, when he first moved to QF. Have you done McCurdy's? Dude, McCurdy's is great. They have a six o'clock show, which I know you're like, oh, you're an old fuck.

Oh. Six o'clock show. I love that. I'm starting to get there. Every club should have a six o'clock show. Here's why. People that come see us now, we're not the fucking, look, I know I'm older than you guys,

but our fans have kids and girlfriends and shit and jobs. Six o'clock, if you have a 7.30 and a 10, that means if you gotta get a babysitter, you ain't getting home until 12. Because you're gonna go to eat first, then you're gonna go to the show, they're gonna be fucked up at the second show. You get a six o'clock and an 8.30, that means they're gonna come, go to the show, then go eat, so they're gone, to the show, they're gonna be fucked up at the second show. You get a six o'clock and an 8.30,

that means they're gonna come, go to the show, then go eat, so they're gone, or go drink, or they're gonna go eat and then come to the show and then go drink. We should do a, why not a 1pm? Let's do it. A 1pm and a 3pm. I agree, like Cosby style.

Cosby style. Cosby, Nate does that with the marinas. He's doing Mass at the Square Garden at 1pm. Is he? That's sick. Yeah, he's doing it. On Sunday? Oh no, he doesn't work on the Lord's Day. No, I think he does he works on the I think Jesus is there with him on stage as Jesus I think Jesus comes down and takes his hand and says do the one about iced coffee I need you to do one on my day

No, what a 1 p.m. Madison Square Garden. Do you think Jesus if he came back you think Jesus he would be his comic That would be his favorite comic? No, I think he'd be a Palestinian man. I think Nate would shit when he saw how brown Jesus. Yeah, he'd go, that's not Jesus. What the hell? He'd go, I am a simple Jewish carpenter from the Middle East.

And Nate would go, uh-uh, uh-uh, don't touch me. You, why don't you have abs? Where's your abs? I am from the Middle East where we have been for many, many thousands of centuries. You have too much chest hair. Your chest is too hairy. Yeah, is your mom a virgin?

I don't know what this voice is that we're doing, but it's not fair to name. My father was just here for a day, came to The Tonight Show. Didn't hear from you guys. Steve! Anyway, Steve was here. For what show? What?

The Tonight Show, maybe you heard of it. Oh my God, you did the Tonight Show? Yeah, that's fine. Louis texted me. Can I tell you right now, we have a DVR. I haven't watched it yet. Oh, okay. I don't even think DVRs exist.

100% does. He's got a TiVo. Verizon Fios. Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. Verizon Fios has a wonderful DVR. Buddy, I, first of all, didn't even know you were on The Tonight Show. Yeah, you didn't. Never to...

What? Joe, Joe. Joe, I'm sorry. Yeah, what is this, 1978? Did you get called over to the couch? Let me ask you a question. Did you do good? Of course.

You murdered. You murdered. Yeah, it went pretty good. You know, that tough, those first couple of jokes, they're like, huh? Well, The Tonight Show now is for children. Buddy, I fucked up my first joke if you watch mine yeah yeah I fucked up my fucked up and you can tell if you're a comic you're like I've done seven late nights and I've flubbed six of the seven this one they cut it which

was not they made would you flow I said a joke come on how funny would it be when Lewis gets here? Oh, if you're the fourth, the new, the fourth, right? That would really be special. As if you fly though, you own the building. That's why he gets to keep his fly down. This, this... That's part of the rule.

That's how we get the studio for free. Yeah. Lewis walks in and you're in his seat. Sit right over here. Sit over here. Oh, that'd be so... No, get in here. Drink his coffee.

What's up, man? Too perfect. How you doing? Why is perfect? What was you... Well, you guys are. Drink his coffee. What's up, man? Too perfect. How you doing? Why is he perfect? What was you... Well, you guys are beefing on Twitter. Lewis is late and you're on his seat. I'm not really beefing with him. No, I don't think so either.

I hope not. He backed off. He backed off. He did? What did he say? He's a pussy. He says, no, I didn't mean it. You know, I don't get involved in the politics.

I was just making a joke. He didn't back down from Michael Rapoport and that's the one I want to see. Well, you want to see him fight? I want to watch him slap Michael Rapaport, because I think Lewis will be. Didn't we talk about that? Where it was like a slap and Ari's response was way better just laughing at him

than beating the shit out of him? Yeah. Don't you think that's a better response, like a more fuck your response? If somebody slaps. Michael Rapaport, a little context for you. If somebody slapped, cause Michael Rappaport, little context for you, Michael Rappaport went up to Ari after the Kobe thump and he slapped Ari at the stand.

And physically, physically. And Ari just laughed at him. Good for Ari, but you know, that's a big thing to slap. What would you have done? Well, Ari's a big guy. All had different options. I know, but what would you do as a not a big guy? It's got reach. As a way smaller guy. But legally you're a big guy.

WANITA! Call your cousins! You don't fuck with my husband like that, okay? Yeah. Okay? I'll fuck you up. They gotta come down from 198th Street. Remember your uncle? We said we'd never talk to you again. You just hear the Staten Island Ferry, Merrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr If I slap somebody. Yeah, get into it dude, pose it out. If I slap somebody. Yeah, I fucking lock him in. Ah, I hurt my tit.

Yeah. If I slap somebody and they stick, because I fought and I sucker punch guys and they just like, you know, looked at me and I'm like, fuck, it must, it sends something through your heart because you don't get, the response you want is them to fight you back or something like that.

When you slapped him and they go, ha ha ha, it's like, fuck, I didn't trigger him. I tried to trigger him. Now, why did Michael Rapoport hit Ari? Because they were dating and Ari broke off because he's going to South America. He's like, I'm in love with this other person. And he was fucking bullshit.

I think it was because he said Michael Rapoport was a woman beater on a podcast. Oh, did he? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was the Kobe. No, that was part of it. on a podcast. Oh, did he? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was the Kobe stuff. No, that was part of it. But then when he saw him, he just was like, I'm not a woman beater and slapped him.

Yeah, well, Ari was going to the- He goes, I do hit women and then he hit Ari, which is funny. That's pretty funny. It's the thing he said. But Rapoport was very upset about the Kobe thing, I remember. Yeah.

He's upset about everything. The wind goes wrong, that guy's on his phone ranting. Yeah. Yeah, but he probably wouldn't have hit him over the Kobe thing. Right. You call some, I mean, is there a world of difference between saying something that you think is disgusting

and smearing your character to the world as a woman? Because you can't wipe that off. Somebody calls you a woman beater. Right. Yeah, she can. No, you can't. You can't wipe it off. I'm gonna go home and hit Don and see what happens.

Whoa. Whoa. In terms of your public persona. Yeah, I know. You can't. you can't wipe it off and go home and hit dawn and see what happens In terms of your public persona, yeah, you can't You guys really the energy is so much different with gnome than Lewis in that chair So nice But you're saying isn't called me fat once he, he's just thought it. But you're saying you slap someone and then they laugh at you, you're like, oh, I didn't get him.

But if you slap someone in the face, if I slap someone in the face, I go, I'm going to fucking hit them, I'm furious. And then they laugh. I'm thinking, you got that right. If they turn around and beat the shit out of me, I'm going to go, I wish I didn't slap that. But here's the thing, Ari's not going to beat the shit out of Microrapaport. They might have a fight, but neither one of them is going to win. Lewis will beat the shit out of him. Lewis will beat the shit out of Microrapaport. They might have a fight, but neither one of them is gonna win.

Lewis will beat the shit out of them. Lewis will beat the shit out of a lot of people. And possibly Nome in a few minutes. No way, he's tougher than Lewis. It's called being good at law. What's he gonna do? Sued. Yeah, but what's he gonna get out of that?

Gas digital? I go, guys, I gotta go do real ass podcasts with Nome. They're bringing it back. Yeah, but what's he gonna get out of that? GAS digital? Skankfest. Yeah. I go, guys, I gotta go do real ass podcasts with Gnome. They're bringing it back. You might be underestimating how much money he's making off of Skankfest. Buddy, I'm not. We just did seven reads.

I get $100 a month. Skankfest is an amazing accomplishment. It is. Unbelievable. Yeah, it is. And now that they move in, if you look at the progression of Skankfest, it's pretty fucked up

They went from the creek in the cake in the cave and then over to the Brooklyn place Which was people were dying because they had no AC that was one end of Vegas Which every year got bigger and badder and now we're going to we're all going to New Orleans, New Orleans to New Orleans, New Orleans. New Orleans. New Orleans, which is gonna be fucking wild. And the lineup is the best lineup of any festival going. There's always people he gets that I'm like,

how did he get them to say yes? I think it's because we said yes. And also they just go like, they're going. Yeah, it's like when you see a club and you're like, Joe and Dan are working there? Fuck, I wanna work there. They used to be like bar shows. People would reach out to do bar show and the name would always go, Mark Norman did

it. They always say Norman is what means anything. I'm like, he does. Sorry. Keep it moving. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I'm not mad at you. I didn't know you were on your way here. I just came up to use the bathroom You you look all tan dude, no God bless you God bless you know, I bless no no I'm barely new What the fuck did you two do since last week's up kid I'm getting fucking back in shape Hey, hey, hey, are you guys on? You guys on? You look great too. What the fuck did you two do since last week? What's up kid? I'm getting fucking back in shape. Oh snap.

Just so you can go down and pack on 30 point. No, no, no, I'm back to strictly no drinking, strictly eating good. I'm doing good. Like Donald Trump. They ain't got no, they got that Jews out of here. Did you watch the fat drug clip? No, what's a fat drug? It is so fucking funny.

I saw it this morning, it's fucking funny. What is a fat drug? My aunt called me today, she's like, should I get an ozempic, because the doctor says she needs to lose weight. I was like, you're 90, you're not getting an ozempic. She wants to get fucked before she dies. I was thinking of going on it.

Bobby, how about you just, you know the answer. I know, but here's- If you want to step outside of yourself- Can I say, first of all, stop with your Goggin speech. I don't need it. Pain is necessary. Bobby! You know the answer. If you're enjoying something, you shouldn't be doing it. My world begins.

What an opposite of- I know that. Here's what I'm saying to you, right? Is that, what? I felt like there was a bug on me. It was just my hair blowing in the wind. Here's what I'm saying to you. Like you're looking at what Jay is on it, what? I felt like there was a bug on me. It was just my hair blowing in the wind. Here's what I'm saying to you. Like you look at what Jay is on it, right? Yeah.

He looks great. But his head is huge, his arms are tiny. But what I'm- Is he a big old fucking Ozempic head? It's crazy. Does he have, is he a fellow big head like me? Dude, if you look at like pictures of Bobby and Jay, like Jay's head is still huge.

He's still got a big fat guy head. But is that the last place, the fat leaves? I don't know. Your head? But nobody on Ozempic looks good, except for Jay. They all look like a... I'm saying though, they're saying this is a miracle drug. Everybody who's the same helps with heart disease,

dementia, all this other stuff that... For now. And it's gonna cause cancer. You're gonna find out in five to 10 years it causes terrible cancer and really fucked up things with your body. There's no shortcuts in life. You work out, you diet, you fucking stop being a lazy piece of shit.

Someone put inspirational music to this. You wake up in the morning, I want you to think one thing. How do I maximize? How do I make sure that I am? Sign up. Day is fed. So is Bobby. You're gonna go on it.

Five fucks a day. I'm sure that I am. Day is fat, so's Bobby. You're gonna go on in there. Five buckets, get off me. Don't touch me. We're talking about how great his arms are. You got fat again too. No, I'm back. Your arms?

Oh! That's what I'm saying, you have good arms. That's not what you're saying, you're saying he's fat. Well, you're fat, you're belly, but your arms are pretty solid. This one, go ahead. He knew I was gonna compliment him, so he stopped fat. Well, you're fat, you're belly, but your arms are pretty solid. I'm fine. This is what I'm... Go ahead. He knew he was going to compliment him, so he stopped himself. Go ahead.

He goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no YKWBD days. That was crazy. But what I'm saying is this. I was watching, there was like an advertisement

for your cheat book, and it was like you and Kelly and fucking. Oh yeah, and Katie Hannigan. And Katie Hannigan, and Bobby's such a fucking, he looks like a slob in it. It's so funny to me. That's what I'm like. You look way better. My shirts, I couldn't get a shirt that buttoned. Like even the biggest shirt, I couldn't button.

You should have buttoned it around Kelly's neck. He said to me one night going on stage, he goes, you button your shirt, I'll give you $1,000. Damn, and then God struck. But here's the last. He went to reach for it, he was like, ah, ah, he goes, what's going on, why is this happening? And then Bobby goes, in the sun, oh I.

The last part is I'm fucking working it, but it's like this Ozempic thing, they're saying it's a miracle drug. It's not. And I see people, and I'm working out, unlike most people that are using it aren't lifting and working out. So they lose 100 pounds.

They're losing- But they also lose all their muscle. They lose bone density. I'm talking. They come in, you just yap over people. If you lose 100 pounds on Ozempic, you're losing 40 pounds of muscle, probably too. If you get off Ozempic, you gain all that weight back,

but not the muscle. Just fat. And she was a bitch that like, she was like a hot chick. She was like an only fan chick. And she's like, I'm going on Ozempic. And then they cut to her like three months later. And she's like, my bones, I've lost calpherosis. Help me, I'm a bird.

I'm a little bird lady. Yeah, you can't just go on Ozempic. You have to lift, you have to take vitamins. You have to do a lot of other shit. Say your prayers. Say your prayers, brother. Drink real American beer, brother. Whatcha gonna do when you inject Ozempic?

Yeah, I told my aunt, I was like, no, we're just gonna get you on a diet. I was like, we're gonna cut out the sugar. We're gonna fuck. Just let her fucking have the last. No, dude, she's 87 years old. I'm not gonna fucking expedite her death because she decides to put needles into her fucking body.

What if she gets smoking hot? It's the last five years, she's never gonna be hot. She's 90. Yo, bow bow. Is that your grandma? Is that your great aunt, Louis? She comes out of the pool like Phoebe Cates. Bow bow bow, she pushes out.

Hey, Dan, you always knew how cute I thought you were. Would you have been off this bathroom window? Um, that's disgusting. Yeah, but Trump said the thing today. He goes, my friend. I sent you guys the clip. I got it right here'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Because we always want sound on this man Seriously overweight and he takes the fat the fat shot And he said President he calls me he used to call me Donald now I could make up so that's nice respect, but you're a smart guy. He's getting old

There's skin is very rich. I wouldn't even know how we would know this, but because he's got comments. President, could I ask you a question? What? I'm in London, and I just paid for this damn fat drug I take. I said, it's not working. He's the best. I just paid $88.

That's it. That was the first. That's so funny. You know what he said? It's not working. I'll tell you what he is. I told Colin this. He's a. That was the fact. That's so funny. You know what he's done? It's not working. I'll tell you what he is. I told Colin this. He's a club owner that does stand-ups.

Yes, 100%. That's exactly who Trump is. You fucking nailed it. He's just a club owner that does. You fucking nailed it. You know these other guys are waiting to be introduced and he's doing 45 minutes in front of everybody. He's like, oh, you want to do some prank phone calls?

These guys are experts. They're supposed to be talking about what they're, and he's like, my friend, he's a fat guy. I'm going to do 40. I got this new chunk about a fat rich guy. I'm just going to go up. I'm going to give the announcements here. Yes. 45 minutes later.

I mean, it really is on a phone. That's what Craig Glazer used to do at Stanford and Sons. That's what Vinny used to do. Yeah. He's like, I'm going to go do the intro. And you walk in and you're like, why has he been on stage for 20 minutes? Vinny Brand would go up for 45 minutes

and then do 25 minutes between the feature. 45 in between Veeder and I when I was headlining. That's insane. Did 45 minutes. But to be fair to him, I was so angry. He knows his crowd, he was murdering. He murders.

Yeah, but then you go up there and they're just fucking tired. They're just like, we just watched a full show. They're just fucking missing the seven phone calls. Thanks, Dan. For real, and you're like, smile like. It's also funny that entire bit fell apart once people started having cell phones.

It's like you don't need a fucking payphone on the stage anymore. And nobody answers the phone. We'll try again. It's like, fuck. There was, I saw him do it once, it was pretty good. It was like, he called and pretended to be the police and the girls said the girl was in jail

because she got arrested for drugs. The mom freaked out on the phone. Oh, I've seen it. It was a he called and pretended to be the police and the girls said the girl was in jail because she got arrested for drugs. The mom freaked out on the phone. It was a pretty good bit. He did one, I think Danny was, did you tell me, he did one with a girl going to a car accident. Oh. And they were like, what? That's so fucked up.

What are you, a fucking maniac? I just want to let you know that she's gone. That rules. Crazy. What? It was fucking so taxing knowing he was going up there to do that phone call thing. I had a rule that he wasn't allowed to go on stage

the last time I worked there. Nice. In my contract. I was like, I won't work there. You have Vinny rules? Yeah, I was like, I won't work there unless he doesn't go on stage. And then he was like, he wouldn't do it.

And then finally he's like, fine! Great, great weekend. Never worked there again. after what happened during COVID. Yeah, but that's what Trump is. He's the same thing. Yeah. He's fat. It's not working.

He's taking the fat shot. And he called it the fat pill. Fat shot, fat pill. Yeah, but you don't need, you don't need. Is there a pill? You know, you're good. You're working out, you know how to, you fucking preached the real ass diet

before there was a real ass diet. No sugar, no grains, dude. Oh my God. That was the good. You're working out, you know how to, you fucking preached the real last diet before there was a real last diet. No sugar, no grains, dude. Oh my God. That was the thing. You really did. You were way ahead of me. You know the answer. If you were to step outside of your body right now, okay,

you're like, dude, this is what you gotta do. You talk to yourself, Bobby. You gotta treat Lewis like the Hulk. What would you? God, it's okay. No. No. What if he shrunk and became?

A little fucking herd. He became Ron on Hershberg. But Hulk does? You rub his hand? Yeah, you rub his hand. He becomes a banner again. He's making up a fact. He rubbed his hand to become banner. And in the Adventures...

He wants homoerotic Hulk. Hang on. In the Adventures, nerds, back me up. In the Adventures... The Hulk, he writes at home. She turns his hand over. This is he writes. She turns his hand over. She turns his hand over and she does the thing and he calms down.

Yes, I'm hot little bitch. Yeah, there you go, right there. No, I mean, Hulk's hand would not hurt him back to Bruce Banner. No, that's fucking Danny. You know what fucking Danny? Give me something. That's AI.

I, uh, fuck that, I almost went right through and hit him in the face. That would've been crazy. That would've been awesome. That would've rung his bell. That's actually the Jew bell. That would've been like in South Park where and hit him in the fat. I would have been awesome. I would have rung his bill That's actually the jube. I would have been like in South Park where they hit butters with the did No, I'll tell you mine his little spat on Twitter. Yeah, he said you back down. I didn't Said you pushed out. He said you pushed out. I think said bitched out

He didn't say that he said bitched out he goes if he comes I'm gonna slap him like our he got slapped He would he got up and left my seat. Well slowly Respectfully, he's a respectable guy. He's respectful. He's not a jerk. No, he attacks Dave Smith all the time on Twitter, like regularly. I don't think they attack. They're just debating.

They debate. No, Dave's not involved in the debate. It's just Nome on Twitter all day. Nome is a billionaire. He owns the most respected comedy clubs in the world. He's a billionaire? Whatever, he's a fucking multimillionaire. We need new mics.

What? If he's a billionaire? I want fucking new mics. Mike, like you own Mike Britt. Mike Britt. I went deep. Mike yard. Angry Mike. So you just attacks Dave. He attacks Dave all the time. Dave's like, you know, on Rogan and like fucking doing Pierce Morgan, doing all this shit. And then here's no, I'm just

sitting in his fucking house all day. No, you're not a political commentator. You're a fucking comedy club owner. Like that's what Dave does. Well Noam is a lawyer, he went to law school. But that's not what he does. He's a professional master musician. I mean he knows every instrument and can do all that stuff. None of these things have anything to do with politics.

Podcasts too. No, his whole podcast is based on politics and stuff like that. He's very, his father was, I remember his father would have comics work here so he could argue with him at the table. He would have Arab comics. That's why they line up so badly. He would have, not now, he would have comics work at the, and they sucked and he would just, he want them there to argue politics up at the table.

He would have all these motherfuckers working here. That sounds awesome. So he could have his little tux, but he loved doing it. Like Dave loves talking about it. Gnome loves fucking debating that shit too. That's all. I mean, we don't, I mean, who gives a fuck?

So then I tweeted, I quote tweeted him, I said, it was like, Dave's living in Gnome's head, rent free, and Jews hate it when you don't pay rent. I thought it, that's a good joke't pay rent. That's a good joke. That's a great joke. And then I was like, what does that mean? I was like, no, I'm kidding. You own a comedy club.

What are you talking about? Chillax. Did you tell them to chillax? I said chillax. That usually helps. Yeah. It's a fucking great joke. Yeah.

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biggest sale of the year. And after you purchase, they're going to ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. Here we are. I got new tattoos. Let's see them. I don't see them. Virtue. Who? Wait, did that? Legend? Legend?

What's legend? Who's that? Virtue? It's for Rich Boss. Why do you have legend? Why do you have legend? Why do you have legend? It's a very specific reason that I have these tattoos

and it's so funny but everyone thinks that I'm just a fucking dumb chick. Yeah, dude. What's up Bed, Bath & Beyond son? So what's legend? Oh my god the font too. Who's the legend? I'll tell you, wait make fun of it first then I'll tell you why I got them because it's the funniest reason, the silliest reason. You look like a mom that is trying to feel young again. Okay we don't need to pull up the picture. So funny. Can I ask, is that how many times you've done good on stage? Now who's fat? Legend and virtue in that writing. Why do you? I want to guess. I think we might be all actually figured out. You'll never

guess. Why are we guessing? You can try to guess. But if you get, if you guess, and I mean this, if you guess, I will give you, whoever gets, I will give $5,000 to. Oh my God. $5,000. Can we get both or can we get one? If you, I'll give you $5,000 for each one that you guess. Wow. Limitless guesses. We have the entire show. You'll never guess. Bobby's going to the comments. No, Bobby's texting B or something Bobby Zach I don't know you B I'm not gonna text B I ever is it because they're my favorites are those the values I'm typing the Hulk thing I want to get the fucking proof Danny wrong because Danny's a piece of shit he's never in my daddy I mean Danny I don't think he's trying to be funny but him pulling up a photo of the tattoos that are on your arm also I

haven't been the guy pulling things up in two years. Oh, do do do do. Shut up. Two years? We haven't been doing the show two years. I couldn't tell who was Danny. Look up how long we've been doing the show. Do do do do.

What the fuck was that voice? Sorry, Danny's trying to say something, Louis. Fucking goofy asshole. Do do do. Wait, that's really funny. If Paco's looking it up and you hit Danny in the face with a bell. Sorry, where is Paco?

Paco. Yeah. Where are you? He's under the table.? Paco. Yeah. Where are you? He's under the table. He's sucking me up. Where are you? Damn, dude. Where is he?

He's back here looking things up. Paco. Yeah. You fuck. Look up the Hulk getting his hand rub by Blax Lindo. Why are you obsessed about this? Because I am. Dad, I'm telling you, light hand massages.

Look up Hulk. Danny. Hand job. Danny, I'm sorry, Danny. I need to know what kind of moisturizer Hawkeye uses. Did you imagine if I hit Danny in the face with that belt and it wasn't him? It'd be hilarious.

I feel so bad. You'd be a legend and that's why you got the tattoo. Fucking Paco's a fucking legend. You would show virtue? God, do I hate him. I was gonna bring him up the road. They're purposefully hand jobby tattoos for the best reason possible.

First of all, they're also upside down. They're facing me. Legend and virtue. So when you give someone a hand job, I'm a legend. Legend of the fall. That's it. Yes. It's actually closer than you think. Really? Two things. Is it from a movie? So I'll tell you. I'm from, I'm close. I'm close. I said it. Shut up. We'll split the money. I said it. Then you said it's more than it's more than what just with the word. It's why I have the word that it's

cause from the movie. It's cause from the movie. The movie legend with Tom Cruise. No. And David Bowie. Virtue. you don't have. Yes. Legend, what you wanna be. It's Rich Voss. Yes, virtue is what you need, and legend is what you also need. I'll tell you right now. Do you have to look it up?

Yeah. Why? Because I forget the name of the word. Damn it, it's disappeared already. What? I don't know, I have it. A virtue spelled backwards. No.

Is it tarted. So okay, so I have this thing called lethalogica. What? Lethalogica. That's like a complex you have? It's like a mental thing. That's syndrome. There's two, it means that there's specific phrases

that you can't remember, but it's not like a bunch, it's just there's two phrases that I can't remember every time I try to reference them. And one of them is the term virtue signaling. Every time I try to say virtue signaling, I can't recall it in my head. So you tattooed it on your arm? So I tattooed the word virtue,

and then the other one is whenever I- Why don't you just play brain games on your phone? Whenever I try to reference the movie I Am Legend. Hey, I was pretty close. You were close, I know, that's what I'm saying. Why don't you just drink your coffee? So then I, so that's, but it's been driving me crazy for years.

Like if I try to make a, on this show I guarantee I've tried to reference I Am Legend. I'm like, you know the movie with Will Smith, with the dog. Cut to the super cut. It'd be funny if in 10 years it's just a bunch of words on his fucking arm. No, but those are, hey, memento.

Those are, he's getting dementia and he can't fucking. He goes, and I'm a real ass dude. Legion of Skank. Baby. Bobby's fat. I got him so anytime I forget that phrase, look at that virtue signaling. He's like the best part of the meat is in the lobster claw.

First of all, it's not a lobster claw, it's a flame. Where? It looks like a lobster claw. That's not a flame. It's a violin. it's a flame. Where? It looks like a lobster claw. It's not a flame? Flame that way, it's a lobster claw. It's a violin. It's a violin, it's not a violin. Are we boring you, Dan? Yeah. Wow.

That's why you got tattoos. Wow, man. It's fucking ridiculous. Yeah, Gnome was keeping us up. God, Gnome was, dude, Gnome was so funny. Fucking thronging. He was funny. Gnome was so cool.

Should I just leave? Bring Gnome in here, let Gnome be the regular reg. How about that? Don't be a baby. Call it the fucking. Stop being a. Yeah. Yeah.

You're being a queer faced loser. That's crazy. That's why you got those tattoos. That is the dumbest shit I've ever heard. All my tattoos are funny. I lose my. I don't have any serious. Why do you just write it on your phone?

Make it your screen saver. Because I can't pull out my phone every time I want to. You can literally go like this. legend virtue on your fucking phone. Honestly, I got to get lethalogica tattooed on me now because I'm never going to remember that word. What's the other tattoo on your right arm there? Which one, this one? Yeah, that's the Fantastic Four.

That's his favorite movie. This one? Yeah. That's bamboo. No, those are birch trees, which symbolize new beginnings. That sounds serious. That's one of my serious ones. And this is a, I have my son's initials.

I got it when my son was born. It's the most painful place to get tattooed. So I got it. Do you know birch trees have to grow in pairs or they'll die. I thought you said birch trees. I was like, birch has trees. Birch trees have to be.

Let's get into the trees now. Him and Segura are planting trees. Birch trees have to grow in pairs or they'll die. If you see one birch tree by itself. Oh, that's a crasher fur. It will die. What are you talking about? We had a birch tree in our

We're doing a bit over here. I know you to get fucking jerk each other off me and Joe no birch trees Birch tree in my front yard my whole life. Where is it? Where is the fucking what are you coming up? You're coming up with all these facts. No, he's just googling. You know if you rub a birch tree He's coming up with all these facts. No, he's actually just Googling. You know, if you rub a birch tree, it comes out. I get it. If he comes to the hulk. That fucking chink is just making that up right now on fucking Photoshop.

Birch trees. I've seen birch trees by themselves. They have to grow in pairs. They don't have to grow in pairs. And no birch trees don't have to grow in pairs. They can also grow a single trunk tree. No, they can't. I have James's initials tattooed on one of the birch trees.

Those look like, that looks like bamboo though. It doesn't look like a birch tree. They're birch trees. All right. Bamboos. Oh yeah. It doesn't look like a birch tree. They're birch trees. All right. Bamboos. Oh yeah, that does look like bamboo. Are you sure that's not bamboo? You trying to bamboozle me?

I'm about to bamboo this bitch. Shut up birch. Bamboo. Can I get the bandana? Okay. Where is it? Nobody bombed though, nobody bombed. No, I'm just putting it right there.

No, chill chill chill. I met a fucking hot bitch. Asian? What? In Colorado, not Colorado Springs, in Fort Collins. Shout out Fort Collins. Great club, by the way. Yeah, the Fort. The Fort, awesome club.

Is it good? Love it. Good name. It's very, very good. I haven't done it yet, but everyone I know in Denver loves it. You haven't done it? No, everyone I know in Denver loves it.

You're too big for it. I would do it in a second on an off night. You're too fucking big for it. Maybe when I'm doing the Paramount. Sanhook did it fucking. You're doing a theater? You're doing theaters now? I'm doing a tour at the end of the yearog did it fucking. You doing a theater? You doing theaters now? I'm doing a tour at the end of the year.

Theaters? Theater tour. Wow, that's great. Yeah. Congratulations. Doing the Paramount in Denver. Whoa! I'm doing stadiums.

That's a big one. Next year. That's pretty cool. I'm doing the Asperdomes. It's not a big deal, dude. It's pretty cool. I'm doing football stadiums. I'm doing the Sphere.

Just me. I'm doing a. Just me and the Sphere. This just your head. Hey! Hi everyone! Welcome to my head. It's a life-size Dan head. Just two eyes, the back of my eyes, in my head. Have you guys been to the sphere? No, I wanna go. Yeah, I have. Is it awesome?

Where'd you go? What'd you see in the sphere? I saw a... You weren't in the sphere, why are you lying today? There's only been like six shows. You too. I saw an uh, you weren't in this. Why are you lying? There's only been like six shows. You saw amazing Jonathan. Well, like I, I heard you have to go see a show that's built for the sphere.

Like grateful dad has them. A couple of other people have UFC was in this sphere. Right. That looked terrible. I thought that fucking great. Cool. The intros were fucking amazing. I saw the movie. How about they just, when you're like, it looked good. and he's like, dumb, move on, let's go. I saw the movie that was made with the Sphere. It's essentially like. Sphere? Spherefare?

That is a movie. I am legend in the Sphere. Legend of the fall. What happens when you bomb with your words on your arm? Do you have to put cigarettes out? Kssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss I told you he's a piece of shit. Who pays your fucking bills you piece of shit? Paco loves it. Paco loves it. What movies do you see there? I want to get something we can throw at Paco, but he has to throw it right back.

Yeah. He has to give it back. Some type of ball or a boomerang? Some sort of weird fucking Polynesian fruit. That's what I call Paco. The Polynesian fruit. The dragon fruit comes from Polynesia. From where?

Let's just cross-reference everything Bobby says. So far, we've been making up facts. We have to fact check them left and right. What is it? Dragon fruit. South America. South America. It's not yes from Polynesia.

I've been to Polynesia twice. We're at Polynesia. Paco, if you don't bring up the Hulk getting his hand rubbed by Black Widow, I'm going South America. It's not yet, it's from Polynesia. I've been to Polynesia twice, worked Polynesia. Paco, if you don't bring up the Hulk getting his hand rubbed by Black Widow, I'm gonna punch you at the end of the show. Black lady, she goes, Yo, what's up, motherfucker?

Let me do that hand. She goes, baby, you gotta calm down. Now, baby, they live. My husband died, but I like you. The Hulk's like, Why is there all this chalk all over my hand? You smell like cocoa. The ashy? Ash. He's saying she's like, you know, like a little.

The ashy? Ash. You can't, you say she's so ashy, she's got her ash on her hands. She's like, motherfucker, that's my secret. I'm always angry. She goes, uh-huh, I taught you that. I taught him how to be angry all the time

and walk around with it. Black women really do have Hulk energy. Yeah, you wouldn't like me when I'm mad. Speaking of black women, did you see this new statue in Times Square? Yeah. I mean, I didn't go and see it in person. Speaking of black women, did you see this new statue in Times Square? Yeah. I mean, I didn't go and see it in person. Of the black woman, and a lot of black women are offended

because she's not. She's a fat black chick. It's a bronze statue of a fat black chick. There's not a person, it's not an actual person, it's just some fat black chick. And what's it commemorating? Fat blackness. Black women, but they're mad that they made her overweight and her shirt don't fit.

Hey, why don't you pull up one of the images as opposed to just like a thousand tiny versions of the image? You might be the worst Googler of all time. Who is it? Is it Paco? Paco stinks. Paco, you're terrible. Paco, if you don't bring up the Haka, I'm going to fucking never talk to you.

No, I'm going to yell at you like this black lady statue. Wait, so what's the black lady statue? Is it like the Heisman just jumping around you're gonna make me sick it's the thighs woman folks and you make just one of them big on fire today I don't know I feel like I'm saying you got like you've had like six solid you're like your buddy Yaz in right field you're hitting some fucking hot you're scrimps key left field I got a robe I got a Yaz robe tell you remember else right now

every three tired all i think that yet the adn i'm at his grandson that your house got his grants your friends with the address of this grandson to a total we have your mind friends with his grandson no yes i was just you strepsky from the giants is a fan yours that's in the on call is his grandson How do you know? I don't know someone told me that there was I gotta find out who told me hey why don't you Google that pop that you're talking to oh gee yes no I'm talking about new era

San Francisco Giants he knows me I don't think you can find it get me all excited the statue of the black woman that he didn't bring up he brought it up and then he put it away because we stopped talking about it why is there a. Bring it up. Why is there a statue of a black woman? It's literally just, hey, black ladies. We're just celebrating black women. Yeah, they're celebrating black women. There's another statue, too, of a woman and a black man holding the baby up. It's supposed to represent back in the day a Roman type of thing or Aztec type thing.

They have a couple. They're starting to make statues of black people. They never made statues of black people. It was all white years. So the first one, they just gave her a bad shirt and made her fat. Yeah, she worked at the whiz. Pull her back up.

They go, this is black lady at a grocery store. I don't know, I gotta get out of here. This is a black lady that worked at the whiz. Yeah, yeah. I don't know, she's telling me she doesn't know where white people shampoo is at the CVS. You ever been to Starbucks? This is a black lady rolling her eyes

when I asked where the lotion is. It's so funny, if you look at her face though, she does have kind of a little attitude. It's so funny, like black people, she goes, that's my black woman up here. They're so rude. But you go to the south, they're so friendly and sweet. Whoa, to your face.

Look, she's angry. She's not angry. Little mad, she don't look happy. You're not going to long, she's short to double at CVS. She goes, with her hands back, it's just not the right clothes to put a woman in that kind of pose. It's like she's getting ready to peg me, which I'm into. She go bend over little white boy.

I'm about to fuck that butt. This is Joe wiggling on the hotel bed bent over. Just wiggling it in. He's just going, don't fuck me too hard. She's going, little white man, I'm about to fuck your butt. There was a black woman actually being mad at this statue, but she looked exactly like this statue. How funny would that be to go?

Dude, I'm serious, it's on there. There's a woman that looks exactly like, looks like the woman they actually got from this statue. Could you imagine if someone just made a random statue that looked like you without anything? just show up you know why is that there I feel bad for the guy that did it I assume it's a man and finished it and felt like but it's like they always like what the fuck no but it's like when the athletes you know when they make like athlete you remember the

Christian Cristiano Ronaldo and his face looked all fucked up and everyone was like that's not him at all and they give it back the Dwayne Wade one was a classic that was really bad. Yeah, they make statue, being a statue maker has got to be hard. Dwayne Wade is such a hard name to say. You got to tattoo it on it. Dwayne Wade.

It sounds like fucking Danny saying it. Dwayne Wade. Dwayne Wade. Floranthropist. I can't say that word, so I can't say it. That's okay, what? Floranthropist. That's a great bit in a,

are you Sonny? Remember that scene where he's training Charlie to go on a date and he's like, tell him you're a philanthropist. And Charlie sits down with the girl, he's like, I'm a full on racist. I mean. That's like season two.

Yeah, that's when they were awesome. They did Blackface, they did crazy shit. I'll leave the weapon five. Yeah. I'm a full on racist. It's so they were awesome. They went, they did blackface. Crazy weapon five. Yeah. I'm a full on. This is so funny. Yeah. You made the fucking Danny laugh. Yeah. I call them the Danny now. The Danny. Uh, yeah. The statues of athletes had, they've been missing a lot lately. Alan Iverson. They were all like, everyone's mad. Yeah. The MLK one was

controversial because there was an Asian guy designed it and he looks a little bit of he should slightly The other one was controversial because there was an Asian guy designed it and he looks a little bit Asian. Slightly. Fun. It'd be a funny visual for you guys to see. They have one of Red Albach and Feniel Hall. That one's good. And they have Larry Bird's shoes. You can sit down with them.

People get very upset about these black statues. They're like, oh, we got a fucking turn on the statues of Christopher Columbus, but we kind of have a fucking fat black bitch. You're like, who cares about any statues? Why are you mad about a statue? Why are you not Googling? He does look a little Asian.

Just a little bit like, hey, have a dream. Where is that? It's in DC. I was just there. And he's coming out of the rock. If you saw his full body. That looks like an AI statue. Like they were like, you know what?

We're gonna fuck you. Hey, we made you a statue. Look at his fro goes in the back. I have a dream. Hey. Hey. They made you a statue. Yeah. This fro goes in the back. I have a dream. Hey. Hey. I have a dream. This jacket's got holes in it too, which is racist.

It is one. They're actually starting the Indian head at the Mount Rushmore. There's another place right down the street. They've been working on it for a while. They're adding another head to Mount Rushmore? No, they did. Crazy Horse.

Crazy Horse, which was fucking really cool. Neil Young's band. Yeah, not the Native American One of the first beers I ever drank crazy horse. It was a malt liquor first. Oh beer Yeah, I thought he said dear to I thought he said dear I did Yeah, that's funny. What's up? How long does it take to blow up? I mean to set to blow up a mountain to make it look like a sculpture has to be hard as fuck

It takes like to make the sculpture takes like 10 years Look that up. Look that up. Bobby has a has to be hard as fuck. It takes like, to make the sculpture, it takes like 10 years. Look that up. Look that up. I bet it's off. It takes 15 years. Bobby's gonna come in with sleeves of facts. Maybe he'd get one of them right.

Cause now that you have a tattoo, you're just gonna remember it all the time. I couldn't even reference it as my tattoo artist was about to do it. I was like, it's a, you know, a virtue signal, yeah. It's been a real problem. But you can remember signaling. You just can't remember the word virtue.

No, I couldn't remember virtue signaling. A simple skull. A few hours. A few hours, well large-engine pieces may take weeks. No, no, no, that's just any sculpture. We're saying blowing up a mountain. Paco sucks. 14 years, construction of Mount Rushmore. But that was 100 years ago.

Yeah, that was when they were working with just sticks of dynamite that said TNT on the side. Now they use TBS, True TV. Hello. Whoa, folks. Folks, yeah, I mean that, but it's probably still the process, right? If they're going to make a sculpture into a mountain.

In the Avengers, Black Widow uses gentle touch and soothing words to calm the Hulk down In his palm is transforming back into Bruce Banner. You fucking stupid Filipino. Fuck you You just got water everywhere everywhere everywhere I'm so wet. That is wild. Yeah Oh my god Right in his helmet. I'm so wet. That is wild. Yeah, it's gonna be so upset. Oh my God. He's got it all over. This is old Jewish carpeting.

Oh, Paco's helmet. Good, right in your helmet. You piece of shit. Just filled Paco's helmet. I don't know if you know this, I would not feud with Asians that are good at tunneling. Yeah. What? Paco can box too.

Paco got a knockout. You didn't tell me he could tunnel. He could tunnel and box, he's Filipino. Paco, I'm sorry. Paco, you knocked someone out? Yeah a knockout. You didn't tell me he could tunnel. He could tunnel and box. He's Filipino. Paco, I'm sorry. Paco, you knock someone out? Yeah. Kind of. Oh, it really is.

Yeah, you literally knock someone out. Who do you knock out? At the boxing event we did a couple years ago. With a kick? No, with a punch. Danny Dubs, he fucking laid him the fuck out, dude. Danny Dubs? Danny Dubs, he's a Butterleys producer.

Wow. We did our boxing event. Oh shit. Yeah, pull that up. Pull up Paco. Paco, I'll have that up real quick. Ah, it's right butterlies producer. Wow. We did our boxing event. Oh shit. Yeah. Pull that up. Pull up Paco. Paco, I'll have that up real quick. Ah, it's right there.

Exactly. Look at him, look at him. Oh my God. That is crazy. That is so nuts. He's only for him. Only for him. Yo Paco, do you have a picture

where you look good in a bathing suit? Up immediately. Look at this. What is this? Who's Danny Dubs? The guy in the white guy with the braids right there. Oh wow. Look at Paco looking like a dad going to get his kid from school.

Paco laid fucking Danny Dubs. Give some volume. Dude, but it's a... Oh! Oh! Oh! He got him. He got him.

Look, he clipped him. Oh! Oh! He. He got him. Look, he clipped him. Oh, oh, oh, He's not blocking that. Oh, wait, you didn't tell us Paco ate a few. It's Filipino style. Give me money. Fuck y'all. Fuck y'all. Damn, dude. It's just like a fish market in Manila. Look at his little Filipino cute. You know, he's got a lot of Muay Thai experience. Yeah he's pretty good. Yeah he's got I mean the don't let the... Poco keeps his hands down.

Oh snap back to reality oh there goes gravity oh he's so mamity. He's not alcohol. Lewis that's not you as the ref. No no that's uh what's his name? I like no one sends it to a neutral corner by the way. Paco, are you actually wearing boxing shoes? Oh yeah. Where is this? This was in Florida. God, Philippines. This was in um, this is where you do the special.

Yeah, Tampa. Oh, this is Coastal Creative. Yeah, this is Coastal Creative. It's also crazy though. Oh, he's feeling it. When did you do this? What is this? Oh!

Oh! Put your hands up, you piece of shit. Obviously we can put the video in the podcast. You guys are watching this with us. Oh, I thought that was you, Reverend Lewis. That's it? They stopped it? Yeah, they stopped it. Round one stoppage, dude. I don't know if that was necessary for a stoppage.

God, it blows my mind. He wrecked his shit. Blows my mind how hairless Filipinos are. He smooths his seals. And they're cocks. I just want him to lie on my lap and rub his belly with some oil on it. Oh, he's fucking feel all slick. I say we should celebrate that with another Starbucks roast.

You know what, honestly, I haven't eaten anything today. I just had one little protein bar. Chocolate brownies. Let me get the latte that I get with heavy cream, Paco. That's not food. Well, you know, it's a lot of fat. True. Paco, heavy cream latte, extra chateau espresso,

one pump sugar free vanilla. You want some more? Mm-mm. I don't want anything else. Medium, please. You think I'm gonna take a coffee from the guy I just fucking threw water at? Can I get a butter croissant?

Give me a sip. Oh, say take a sip. Don't just grab my shit. I have virtue. You're not a legend. You're a fucking dildo. I posted with no explanation on Instagram. Every comment is you're all fucking You fucking maggot! Hold on. Dude, they hate me.

Hold on, I gotta see this. Oh my god, this is great. Oh, Louis, you just do stuff that makes me so happy sometimes. It's the best, dude. No explanation at all. I was just fucking... Yeah, dude, here it is. Comments. Yeah, dude, here it is. Oh my god.

194 comments. You make Big J's tattoos look cool in comparison. Which, that's just not true. You got it. Big J has the same tattoo that the Joker, Big J said this in, he said it in all seriousness, he has the same tattoo as the Joker, the ha ha ha ha ha ha tattoo.

He got that. And then we were talking about the Joker's and he was like, oh yeah, he was like, that's the coolest Joker, the Jared Leto one. What? And I was like, what, it's like, No, Caesar Milan's was better. Widely recognized, he said Milan, Caesar Milan's the widely recognized he's in Milan's he's in Milan's the dog

Caesar Romero he's like Paclita I am the Joker you want to know how I got this way Batman Batman Batman right Catwoman Catwoman You have to roll Batman on his belly and rub his belly and stop it Batman you have to get dominance on the Batman stop it you have to show Batman who the leader is. I am the Pac leader, Batman. I'm the Pac leader, Batman.

Some men. The Pac leader. If you read it upside down, it says puss boy. Oh my God. What else you got? Very funny, dude. Was expecting RIP Sabu. You guys killed Sabu.

We did kill Sabu and Sam and it's coming out next week that's crazy you guys have a you know all the old ECW legend first of all so back in the day new Jack came on new Jack died after he was on Legion of skanks do what you're watching ECW I love ECW love I love new Jack he killed they almost killed that uh it's upside down he almost killed that kid in Boston right that's Boston. That's homicide. Was that homicide? If you've ever seen someone in a homicide. He almost killed, I thought it was New Jack.

Oh yeah. I thought New Jack in Boston almost killed that kid. New Jack literally. Fucking stabbed him, right? He pulled out a knife during a match and started stabbing the guy. Yeah, that was in Boston. What?

That was in Boston. Every, you know what the dog track was? Yeah. They did wrestling there. Someone said nothing downs? And the kid that. Syndrome? Yeah, exactly. The kid was working and his father was like,

Hey, I want my kid wants to be wrestling. And they got him in. He was like, he wants you to go hardcore with him. So new Jack was like, I'm going to kill this motherfucker. So it's a no pick of the live laugh love tramp stamp. So a new Jack almost killed this guy. And then he, the only reason the guy didn't press charges

was cause new Jack, he told the whole story on Legion of Scams. He offered it. He was like, I'll train you. Like I'll actually the guy didn't press charges was whose new jacked he told the whole story on Legion of skanks He offered it. He's like I'll train you like I'll actually train you just don't press charges And then the guy was like final press charges and the new jack just ghosted him and then drain him That's fine. That new jack died Like a year after being on Legion of skanks the last time and then Sabu was on Legion of skanks last week And he died five days after being on Legion of skanks And now we've we have Sandman coming in next year. I mean don't have Taz around don't have Mikey

Whiplash. I mean you can't have the Dudley boys. Mikey Wiparek ruled. You're gonna kill all of them. Mikey Wiparek was just a guy. Punk was over at ECW. It was so funny dude. No he was never at ECW. Punk was at ECW. No he wasn't. Yes he was. How much you want to bet? Look it up. Look it up. All right. Fucking fake fact, Bob. That's where he met Paul Heyman. ECW. That's why they're close friends.

Steve Austin was at ECW. Yeah. A lot of guys. Not only was I a massive fan of ECW, I also watched both documentaries. I'd probably give the typical cap to you if Punk didn't. No, he wasn't. Yeah. He wasn't. Even when he came up through the Indies before WWE he was an ECW. He wasn't right here

What's up Bobby check his facts check my fact fact fact? Yes better known by rising CM Punk is American professional. Yeah was an ECW. There you go. See if punk was an ECW All the WWE's version 2000 shut I was after he's was after reason. It was ECW. Okay fine. I guess on a technicality. What do you mean technicality? It says ECW and that's where you met Paul Hagan. You know what? You're giving him that.

You're right. That's giving him vertigo. I don't count that as the ECW. I mean I grew up on ECW in the 90s. Let me tell you something right now. Go fuck yourself. Cause that's ECW. Lucy.

Dude, how much do you love nicotine? You love nicotine so much. Nicotine is unbelievable. I can't come back to it. But if I were to come back to it. I use it. Tobacco free. Yeah.

I'd probably go to Lucy. I'd definitely go to Lucy and here's why. They're amazing. Their flavors are unique, bro. They have winter, they have mango, they got espresso. Yeah, you like to start you like to start I like the apple ice yeah and the pouches come in the variety of strengths from four milligrams all the way up to the big dogs 12 milligrams like Bobby said there's a bunch of flavors and if you know how to pouch guy or gal they got the gum available in two milligrams four

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And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Dude, I can't believe you did those tattoos. Yeah. I can believe it you did those tattoos. Yeah. I can believe it.

I'm trying to think what words I would get that would help me out. Homo and sexual? Ha ha! Boo boo boo! And then I go like this is where I'm getting butt fucked? Ha ha! I go ow, ow, ow, but it makes sense now.

Ow, ow. You got a tattoo. I got horrible ones. What's your tattoos? It's a cover up on my shoulder and then my back was. What was it originally? I have a cover up too. My cover ups, when I got covered up it tattoos. It's a cover up on my shoulder and then my back was what was it originally have a cover up to my cover ups. What I got covered up is hilarious. Mine was so it's actually a white guy. Mine. I

got the one on my shoulder. I got when I was like eighteen or nineteen and it was like tribal with a bear paw had to get a cover bear paw. It's very bad. That's why a bear paw. You lived in Alaska and I was like let me get a bear paw. That'll be cool. And boy oh boy, didn't come out good. That is gay. Isn't it a bear claw?

Bear paw. No, he had a bear paw. You had a claw or a paw? No, the bear was chilling. It was like, hey. It was like, it wasn't claw. Was it a paw or a claw? It's not a bear claw.

It's a friendly bear. It goes, hey, I'm here for honey. Like it was like. It was here to hibernate, baby. No, but I know what he said. Like on a mom pillow? Was it scratches? Like little like footprints?

It was like, it was like the paw. It was like. You didn't have like a. You got like a. Hey, hey, give me three months to nap. Hey, I'm splitting the average bear. I go, I just want a bunch of honey. Not like.

Oh, I want to put piglets on. Not the revenant, not the revenant. Not revenant bearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I've been through a lot. That also sounds like the pedophile from Family Guy. Say this, strong boy. Got any good news for me today? Is that tattoo still there? What do you get over it now? Just like a fucking forest. So another shitty tattoo? Getting a tattoo covered up with another shitty tattoo rules. But you have to let me see what it's coming up with.

Just like a forest. Hold on, let me see. Dan's embarrassed of it. He keeps pulling it out. Let me see, let me see. He's like, I got a theater tour coming up. I can't show this. I didn't even know you had a tattoo.

I have to see that. That's a big tattoo, yeah. What does it say? My aunt's initials. Because that was in the original. That was the only part of the original tattoo. She died. Are there a couple leaves?

Are those leaves? Yeah, leaves. Is that a birch tree or is that a regular tree? Well, it's got more than one tree, so it can't be a birch. Yeah. No, birch trees actually have to grow in pairs. But it took like a long time to cover up the like... Pull your sleeve back up. Stop being embarrassed of it. We want to see it. Let's guess his aunt's what does it's initial stand for? KLS. loves sucking. Kelly loves soda. Okay. Bring her out.

She's like, all right, he did it. She has GLK on her arm. They did it. I love Dan. Her arms are bigger than mine. I'm going for Dan. I go, ah, fuck, I love this. What can I say? I love this little cold water. Is she powerlifting now? I don't know. What? Powerlifting. She's coming and just fucking us up. Look that up. When a fat Is she powerlifting now? I don't know. I think she's powerlifting. She's coming in just to fuck us up. I think Kelly, just look that up. Dude, when a fat chick starts powerlifting, it's hilarious, it's like, you just wanna get,

you wanna get more dense? I got a faggy tattoo. Can we fly her out? You have an Asian one on the inside of your arm. No, I got, no, this one, this one actually, I had to, I had to fix because, see how this is the only lowercase? That's just from the menu of a Chinese restaurant.

Oh you want number 17? Why you just not say number 17? That means Szechuan chicken. Now you can't remember virtue signaling? He goes, I want crab rangoon. This was all capital except for that because if that was the capital it looked like it said ad hut. It says addict. Got yeah. It says addict. Got it. It says addict. Oh, that's just Chinese stylized writing?

That's gay. Yeah. And a dragon. Not as gay as this one, though. What's the other one? The gayest. My first rogue gig ever with Patrice and Vinny Favarito. Oh, wow.

Philly, we did Dave and Busters. Shout out. First time I ever left Boston to do a gig. It was a gig at Dave and Busters? Gig at Dave and Busters, they had a theater there. See, a little theater, so we did the show there. And we go to Philly down to South Street. They paid you in tickets.

And I'd be sick. And they'd be so sick. We all go into the tattoo place, and Vinny was like, go get it. Well, let's all get tattoos to commemorate this day. We'll all get tattoos, pick them out. That's such a womanly thing. That's what girls do. My chick, she was like, she was like,

uh, she was, you got a tattoo alone? And I was like, I've never been with a person to get a tattoo ever. What the fuck? She's like, uh, you and Jay for the Dave Smith. Oh yeah. Well, that was on the podcast. We got them. We didn't go out. So I go into the, uh, I go get lunch. I go into the thing and I pick up my tattoo. I'm so proud of it. And I go and I'm getting my tattoo and Patrice and the guy were like watching and they're like, is that, you proud of that?

I'm like, yeah, this is good. What'd you get? And they go, we're not getting fucking tattoos. You're kidding me. That's amazing. So I'm just sitting, but I'm not even, I'm not even. Now that right there is a legend.

I'm not even halfway done. I still have to, he has happened even. Now that right there is a legend. I'm not even halfway done, I still have to, he does have, this is terrible. And I found out later that it doesn't mean what it said it meant. Is it more Chinese? It's, I thought it was. So you get a multiple Chinese.

I thought it was Japanese. It wound up being, I think, Chinese. And it doesn't mean what I thought it meant. What you think it meant? I thought it meant destiny, life, and faith. And what does it actually mean? I don't know. I think it means like friend. Can you put it on the screen so we can, everyone can show it. Is it on your leg?

Got on your leg? What are you fucking? That's more chick than getting a tattoo with your friend. That wall gave through. Oh, please. Let me see. Oh, wow. Someone find out what that means.

What does it mean? Too big for a house. I'll put it in a chat GPT right now. It means, Someone find out what that means. What does it mean? Too big for a house. I'll put it in a chat GPT right now. It means, I'll tell you what it means, tiny house. Tiny house in New Hampshire. It's your destiny. For you to live, whoa. For you to crack your head. That would have been fantastic. That would have been nuts. Boy do I hate my ankles. You got good ankles, dude. You got good arms, you got good ankles.

I've never tried to use this chat GBT for this. Oh wow, I'm really excited to be a part of this first new thing. This is fucking epic. Oh fucking neat. I'm a fucking loser, nobody uses chat GBT. Oh wow, I can't wait to be on the first one. So you put an image in and then it gives you something.

Yeah, you can put an image in though. I'm going to see if it'll give me what it means. It was just said fat ankle. It means fat man who don't pay full price. Man who have diabetes. Here it is. Let's see. The set two appears to be stylized abstract symbol,

possibly containing letters or shapes. Let me see. I need someone to be stylized abstract symbol possibly containing letters or shapes I need someone who is He's Philippine It's fucking close enough if you got it in Tagalog and it said like boiled chicken heart How do you know you fucking fancy bastard the Filipinos? Tagalog is my favorite cookies from the girls tag alongalog is fucking rule. You throw them in the refrigerator. I like Thin Mints. Chocolate, yeah, of course.

Thin Mint is a basic pitch cake cookie. Just so you know, it's literally what everyone says is their favorite. I like Samoas. Oh, you're a big girl. You're so different. Samoas. Is that the one with the coconut?

Yeah, Samoas in the Tagalog. No, that's a really wild one. That's a crazy cookie. It's like fucking three girls' cookies. The Samoa? Yeah. Fucking the Thin Mints Three girls. Samoa? Yeah. Fucking the Fitment. Samoa's are great. How many, how many girls go cookies out there? I just think you're getting

butter. This thing's so crazy. It's a lot. It's a lot. Seventeen. Oh, that's a cool one. There's seventeen girls. How many girls go cookies? Why you gotta, why you gotta Google everything? It's butter because we don't trust. No, there's a lot. So there's new ones, too, that came out, which the new ones are all right. Looks like nine, cookie menu. And I know the Samoas aren't called Samoas, but I live.

What are they called? I think they changed the name of them, because I think it was offensive to maybe Samoans. Samoans should be happy. Let's have them go to Insomnia, get some chocolate chip cookies in here. I don't want anything like that right now. I got a special in two months from today.

It's my special. I got to be fucking Jack. Pusser. I don't get it. Oh, I got to shoot a special. I can't have a cookie. What are you doing with your shirt off is my special. I gotta be fucking Jack. Pusser! Get it, oh I gotta shoot a special. I can't have a cookie. What are you doing with your shirt off? Yeah.

No, I wanna be fucking Jack. Hey, what are you talking about? Oh, a cookie will just undrack you. Just wear an undershirt. Stop that, he doesn't wanna fucking eat guys. Yeah, I wanna look good. I don't have a good metabolism like you guys. There's ain't like a three year old like you.

Caramel. They're called Caramel Delights? They're called Samoas. They said it's, Bobby, they said it's not a clearly recognizable symbol. You got nothing like that. They're called some more. They said it's brother Bobby. They said it's not a clearly recognizable symbol. You got nothing Destiny yeah, what did you put on that fat dudes ankle? Fucking yes Chinese On there I used to fuck a girl who she got peanut butter patties rule. Those are tag alongs. Oh

Hack hack whatever who she got. Peanut butter patties rule, those are tag alongs. Oh, those are hack, hack. Whatever, dude. Have your little thin mints. Thin mints are hack. Yeah, when you have to- Thin mints rule, are you crazy? You got chocolate mints. Jokingly, thin things, you got thin lips.

He goes, ah, fucking finally a cookie for me. I get slagged this clear. Guys, I have a thin mint tattoo, all right? It's on my calf. What? The Girl Scout logo. You want me to look through all these and see if it's one of those?

What are you talking about? Bobby hasn't been able to see his ankle in 30 years. He goes, holy shit, all the toes are still there. What the fuck? I didn't know I had all my toes. I think it means, no, destiny. It means destiny. Let me see the destiny.

And Scarlett. Hold the photo up. Destiny is the name of the statue in Times Square. I got the fucking Black Chick Band. That was perfect. Ten out of ten on that joke. It's destiny. You got the wind out of me on that one. It is destiny.

You got destiny. Destiny's nice. It's nice, but it's not life and faith. Destiny? Destiny? Sounds like a stripper name. It is. Destiny is a 100% stripper name.

That's my stripper name, Destiny. Hey, can I get you a private... On those fat ankles, you should have gotten density. Yeah! That was good. Maybe that's what they meant to do. Can I tell you why it's not good? He did two density jokes already.

That's his second density joke. Fat girls at power lift, why would you want to get more dense? You want to get more dense? Sorry, it's a word of the day. Dense! Dense with our minnows! Oh my God, he remembered it, so it goes on his body! Hey! Oh my God, he remembered it so it goes on his body.

Now if you start remembering, can you get it taken off? Does it evaporate? I'll get it covered up with a shitty tray and Dan's dead aunt's name. Great. Wow. Come on. Wow. I don't know why we got to drag my own.

Burn in hell, Kathleen. It's Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Does it evaporate when you start learning the word with the picture of Back to the Future? He goes, I'm remembering.

I used to fuck a girl who, she went to a tattoo artist and she was like, I wanna get, I wanna get in, it was in Hebrew, she wanted to get in God's hands. Yeah. In Hebrew. And God went, what? to get in God's hands in Hebrew. And God went, what? I don't know about that. Hey, hey, you're not even Jewish.

I don't know, yes, you got the hand. Now, no, that's a Jew. Now, that's a boy I would like to meet. Jewish God, this extra Jewish. She goes, hoi, vey, bring him up here as fast as you can. Not all these fat schvatsas like the one with the, got the hat on there. Jewish heaven would suck.

It's the fucking. Just call it fucking Patrice the fat Schwarz. With the hat. You think he took the hat in heaven? I'm not letting you in. They sweat. What do you want to? Patrice is still fat in heaven?

They probably give him a jack body, right? He'd be mad. You're in heaven, you get a jack body. No, you can't be jack. You gotta be who you were yeah no do you ever see a heaven movie he still has he saw his diabetes in heaven come on God what do you want shot you're like no we didn't have it when you died we're not giving you weak OV no in heaven you're fucking Jack we go to a girl scout with Govey's the one. It's the more affordable

fat shot. Me and Katie make fun of the commercial because it looks like it's all fat people in a parade. We call it the fat parade because they leave their jobs to go march. What are you doing there? Oh my God. This always trickle. Lewis. Why doesn't Mike you suck? I'm bad. They said to fuck God damn it. She wish should get some thin mints oh it loves it's just punching a wall honestly just that fucking great then minty put up in the freezer though they are pretty good that's unbelievable I have a by the way I have a box in your freezer was the ones you like in the

one with the Samoa Samoa Samoa Samoa I like the Samoa how canoa. Samoa. Samoa. I like the Samoa. How can I have Samoa if I haven't had any? He did that joke. You did? No, they did that in San Juan. He did a Samoa joke in the beginning. I don't remember what I did. Who knows what I did, folks? God only knows.

God only knows. What's the best cookie on the planet? Chocolate chip. Great question. Chocolate chip, easy. This isn't a morning show. But what's the best chocolate chip? Tates, you love Tates.

No. I like a crispy cookie. I can tell you where they got that. No, mass produced. Not a fucking, not dickhead Joe, really, some cornering queens. No, he's going to say Toll House and fucking. You're pissing me off, dude.

You're pissing me off. He gets so angry. He gets so angry. He gets so angry. Some of us travel. He's mad at Joe, like he caught him fucking his chair. He gets fucking. Hey, who the fuck is bringing up a fucking random ass cookie shot.

Fuck that. How long have I known you for? Fucking fucking queer. You're a fucking queer. Maybe you can learn something next time you're traveling. It's right by the airport. SeaTac airport. Burien.

Joe always has to become smarter. And a shout out. That's his angry. Maybe if you learn the words. And then you'll call Joe, like oh you make a lot of money. He's like I don't make money though. Yeah. Oh fuck. I never said that. Yeah you do. Joe, like, oh, you make a lot of money. He's like, I don't make money, though. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

I never said that. Yeah, you do. He just waltzed from himself into these pants. Jesus Christ. I never said that. What's happening? I said that, what did I say? I don't know.

You started saying, I said privately how much money I have for that, and then you said it on a platter. I didn't say how much money you have in the bank. Treat! Look at that. Did I say how much money you had? I said you have a lot of money in the bank. No, you did.

You said. Seven figures. Anyway. Yeah, you just did it again. This is your place What's that place your friend had this place look like these look like dog biscuits He's out it's too mommy mommy and Louis Jay Gomez over here talking about tates cookies. They're very fucking What's that place that I like the The comic Cory B owns Bang Cookies.

Joe likes taint cookies. Danny. Bang Cookies is what you're thinking of. Shut up, Danny. I'm thinking of Bang Cookies? That's the one that Cory B owns. Oh yeah, Bang Cookies were pretty good. Bang Cookies?

Bang Cookies. So how about I feel like people know who Cory B is on this podcast. I know Cory B is. I don't know who Cory B is. It's Cory B. But you can't, he said it like, everyone knows Cory B.

That chocolate cookie right there? That looks like a good cookie. Fucking good. Chocolate cookie. That looks amazing. There's a burger spot in Jersey named 8020 Burger. I wanna hear about this. Get him Joe. Get him Joe, go.

We'll back you up. Get him Joe. We'll bite his ankles while you throw stuff in his face. I'm in the Jersey 8020 Burger. He's like, if you really wanna know what the best burger is, you can go to a secret little shop. It's so funny, we can't say anything without everyone else. It fucking rules.

That should be the travel show. Does someone tell you a travel show and there's three friends going, shut up. The burgers are retarded. Is that one burger? That just made my dead heart. I think that's two burgers or three. It's a little messy, isn't it? They're so good. heart. I think that's two burgers or three, just two burgers. It's a little messy, isn't it?

They're so good. They're greasy, it's 80% meat, 20% fat. 80, 20, come out when I'm at the Bazzy Center. They're in Westwood, New Jersey. I'm gonna be in Red Bank June 6th. Is that close? I don't know if it's that close, but it's close enough. I'm talking about like fucking-

How much is the burger? I'm gonna say nine bucks. Buddy, that hurt my fucking ears, dude. Come on. That fucking hurt. Come on, smart enough. Dude, what's up with you, dude? about like how much is the burger? I'm gonna say nine bucks. Come on. Smart enough. You're better than that. Then you're gonna spit. What are you putting to his ass? What are you putting to his ass? And it did an impression of danger field. Hey, I'm letting out shit. It's not a poop. It's just why they have. They have. Why is your asshole so dry? They have. Why is your asshole so dry?

It's tight. Why? At 8020 Burger, they have cookies as well. They make fresh and they do a salted chocolate chip cookie and it's fucking huge. Bring it in. Bring it in next episode. I can't wait. Fucking liar.

Louis is going to become such a tub of shit after a spag. Hey, bring it in. I'm going to Italy a week after the spag. Let me tell you something, Louis is going to come back from Italy. On a noodle tour? 700 pounds fucking heavier. Nice. Beep, beep, beep.

Guys, we have to do the show from Lewis' house. He's like Patty the Batty. I'm like the mom from fucking... EYT Gilbert Grape. Gotta get that desperate right in your fucking... Mom's dead. Just grape on my arm. Bring him bringing those cookies in. I will. I'll bring him burgers. Next episode. Next episode. I'll bring in chocolate chip cookies and

burgers. That you were. Love it. They're not gonna be good. Those gotta you gotta get that right out of the fucking oven. That's going to be a 40 minute drive. That's a greasy burger. Where? Travel. Where are we going to heat it up? Downstairs.

They got a microwave downstairs. They do, probably. Bobby, these Jews, as our burger sherpa, you're absolutely right. That's not going to travel well. If you're going to have that burger, we go to his house. And you guys want to come over Sunday? Want to do a little burgers uh, I got that day.

It's just crazy. It's back. It's why Max has got a look, remember they didn't come and I came. Lewis. I was so furious. What was that? No, I can't. You guys, I thought we were all going.

I got up there as a bunch of pothead losers from whatever. These are the people I barely feed. My wife almost left me. Do not look at them in their eye. They will attack you. Anyways, that's, that's Petey B. He does podcast uploading like. Sarah was like, we gotta run. The guy with the one eye hanging out.

He was attacked by a German shepherd, but he was cool. Don't give them any water. I have some water, please. I had like a six month old in the pool. They were playing full body contact, football. There's nothing better. There's nothing more fun than basketball in the pool. Yes, of course.

The most fun, you're just learning about this? I mean, I just have a pool this year. It's a salt water pool. You've got a pool for two years. You can't open my eyes under the water. You can't open your eyes? No, salt water's fine. I'm not gonna look for two years. You can't open my eyes under the water. You can't open your eyes, no, salt water's fine. I'm not gonna look at everyone's penis.

Are you out of your mind? No, the chlorine is what hurt your eyes. Hey Dan, Dan, Jimmy. I had that backwards. You had it backwards then. That way my eyes were always hurt when I was a kid. Dan's like, I love chlorine pools. I had the reddest eyes.

And then I'd come back to the pool and be like. Dan, you ever take your dick under the water and tell your friend to go look? No. Are you admitting to a sex crime? No, I don't do it either. You ever do it under the table? You ever doing it right now?

Yeah, look under the table. You ever look under the table right now? I like to FaceTime and show my dick. You never... he does it to me all the time. Joe DeRosa always did the funniest ones. Joe DeRosa would FaceTime you and you'd be like, what's up Joe? And he'd just show his body and you'd be like, oh! Yeah.

Fuck! You never pulled your dick out in the pool? No. We're not. I didn't say it right. I'm kidding, I am. I got a couple cases. They are.

Statue of limitations. You pulled your dick out of the water. Yeah, probably. He's pulled his dick out of the water. Yeah, probably. He's pulled his dick out of the water. I like fucking in a pool. Fucking in a pool. Why? Didn't that like rub it?

Like it hurt the lady. Yeah, it gives her a yeast infection. Story of my life. What? Story of your life? Story of my life. You did it like it's her fault? Why does your pussy have to go?

No, then I can't have sex with her afterwards for days. Gross. You're just pumping in fucking dead bumblebees into her pussy. Just flies. Filled their scum going in a bush. Those little leaves that spin. Those little nose things. And then top that off with some kid piss,

just getting shoved in her hoo-ha. Last year there was a fucking chipmunk in my fucking skimmer. Damn. Still alive? Was it Alvin, Simon, or Theodore? That's fun. I'm sure there was a fuckin' chipmunk in my fuckin' skimmer. Damn. Still alive? Was it Alvin, Simon, or Theodore? Nah, that's fun.

Alvin? The television program. Did James see it, or? No, I found it in the skimmer. Did you fuck it? That's how you kill. Was it hot? It was.

No, no. Ah! Hey, come over Sunday, guys. We'll play pool basketball. I'm coming back from Cleveland. I'm coming back from Florida. I'm actually going to be. They changed the deal.

They did. Good for you. No. If Dan goes, I'll go. No. Why don't you come over? What's your problem? Because I look forward to Sundays doing nothing.

You're not going to be doing anything. You're going to be swimming in a pool and eating burgers from eighty twenty burger. Your pool is open already. My pool was open a month ago. Is it? Is it heated? Yeah, we should do it. We should go and set something ahead of time. It's ahead of time. Sunday's a week away. Oh, it's four days away. What about Jay's Memorial Day barbecue? Why don't I come out there and do a little swim and then go to Jay's? Jays J also has a pool to your he does, but he's a swinger pool.

I don't know about that. It is, it's three feet. I wanna go swimming and Louis is like, I don't wanna watch my woman play while I rub my chest hair. Soder's knocking out friend hangs like it's press for him. He's like, I'll do 10-15, you got me for 10 minutes. I go, who else can I hit Jersey for a while? I'll do Aaron Burgs.

I'll do a half-hour at Burk. I'll go see my friend Sarah and Gary. Having a pool is awesome though. It is fun. It is really fun. I'll never be able to not have a pool now because James is used to it. I told James, I was like,

James, I was like, maybe we'll get a house without a pool. It's just a lot of work. Just like the look on his face was like just disappointment. And I was like, I can't disappoint my son now God damn it. So wait until he moves out. Yeah, and then get a Yeah, you're pretty not you guys are both pretty close. Yeah, but did you sister still have my pool that I gave her? Yeah, but I don't speak to her anymore. You don't speak to your sister. We literally haven't spoken in months. Why why?

Because of the pool. Well, I'd hope so. She has a yeast infection. I hope it wasn't casual. Did you get a tattoo about why? It's because I... Yeah. She hates me now. She does? She told me that if I write about her in my book,

she's gonna sue me. Did you write about her? Yes. I was like, you can't sue me for my story. I'll change your name to Cunt. That's so funny. My sister, Cunt. Can we cool the air down?

I'm getting freezing. It is kind of chilly in here. Can one of you guys shut the AC off? Here, I can do it. Paco, where is our fucking? Not that. It's not the window yet. Where is our fucking lattes?

What is Joe doing? Is he making lattes himself? Joe doesn't walk as fast as that Filipino. Yeah, Filipinos have better... Paco, when Joe comes back in, just knock him out, cold cock him. Do your thing. Dude, he's a thing you're really good at. Paco, when's the last time you boxed? Paco, don't touch Joe.

Why don't you train tomorrow with him? He goes right now, just hits me in the head. Paco, come training tomorrow. Why is he... what's he doing? He's hiding from the game right now. Do you make him crawl? Yeah. Paco. make him crawl? Yeah. Make him crawl the drinks back to me. Puck will come train tomorrow. No, thank you. Why

not? I'm done with that. You're done boxing. Yeah. Really? He can't, he can't return to a life of violence. Why are you done boxing? Cause I want to get good at comedy and not box. You think boxing is getting in the way of you being good at comedy? Yeah. Exercising. Yeah. You can quit anything you want. You're not going to be good at comedy. That's fucked up. He's at least how long you know comedy at least six years. Yeah. About six now. You should be good at this point. He actually, let me tell you something. I took him up to, took him up to the casino up in Buffalo, and Paco fucking... Did okay.

He not. He drove me. He did not. Paco was there. He could, Paco. We had dinner. Paco did, no seriously, Paco did fucking good. What happened to that last one?

That last word trailed off. He did okay. No, Paco did great. No, Paco's got great energy on stage. That's not a thing. The fuck is that? I think I gave him like the food is fucking awesome. First and foremost, it's close. I'll get to the money at the end, but the green room is the best. We have a TV. They treat you good. Paco's got great energy. He really tries. He's got a good technique of holding the mic. He got the mic out clean. What's a more comfortable-

Paco! Sorry. Where are you gonna say? No, I fucking shot that out of a cannon. I was just gonna say Paco, why is boxing, how is that gonna take away, like training boxing gonna take away from your standup? The place that I go to is either 9 a.m. in the morning,

which is a little early, or like during peak open mic hours, which is like in the afternoon. So there's just no time. I would have four o'clock There's there's so many there's so much time. There's so much time and honestly exercising and do you exercise so Paco? I Play soccer every now and then Every now and that is exercising is one of the best things you could do for your mental energy and just getting your fucking mind in order. What about naps? Naps are good.

Naps are good too. Naps are great for you. They really are. You should. Especially after 40. That's a fact. I nap a lot. Me too.

I do an hour and a half to two hour nap. It's probably four or five days a week. I nap for 20 minutes. I nap. I nap 20 minutes in my car. 25 minutes. 20 minutes, I pulled over. 10 to 15 if you can get. 10's probably four or five days a week. I nap for 20 minutes. I nap, I nap 20 minutes in my car. 25 minutes. 20 minutes, I pulled over. 10 to 15 if you can get it.

10 to 15, yeah. Nice quick one. You can just fucking touch the bottom of the pool. 10 to 15, this one pops up on stage. There you go. What happened? No, it was great, dude. Great set.

Great energy. Good energy. The food, the green rooms here was great. Yeah, dude, no, no, I nap for like an hour and a half, two hours. Two hours is a lot. Two hours is sleep. That's a lot. Yeah, that fucks you up. That's sleep hour and a half, two hours. Two hours is a lot. Two hours is sleep. That's a lot.

Yeah, that fucks you up. That's sleep. That gets you in the REM. I have full REM sleep. I have dreams when I nap. My nap dreams are the best. Do you wake up scared when you nap? I wake up scared all the time because I don't know where I am.

I had a dream that somebody shot me in the stomach the other day and it woke me up. I got shot and I was like, like that, like out of a movie. Dude, the one I remember is I used to go visit my grandmother. I quit smoking weed for the week. Who are you dude the fuck you doing who you on the phone with? He's got your fucking phone away. I got I'm sorry buddy. I probably I want to know about your dream I just got a text message and I was I pitched a show and I just got a text message. I thought it was You sold it something good. No No, not yet.

I just got a text from it. What happened with you Nana in the dream? After three days of not smoking weed, my dreams were becoming so vivid that I was like, I shot a guy in a fight, like we were wrestling for a gun and I shot him, and it felt so real that I ran away, like waking up being like, I killed a guy, oh fuck, and I woke up at my grandma's house

and it took me like a minute for it to be like, oh that was a dream. Holy shit. I get that all the time. One of my regular recurring dreams That scared the fuck out of me. Is that I've murdered somebody, that I am. On the lam?

Not even on the lam, like it happened like years ago and I'm gonna get caught and it's like, the walls are closing in. It's a regular thing that I dream. I'm not on the lam, I'm on the sheep, folks. When you get sober, you know this, You get drinking dreams. You get drinking dreams. Oh yeah. I woke up, I had a drinking dream where I fucking used and I was so sad I woke up and

I was like, oh thank God it was a dream. And then I drank again, still in the fucking dream. I woke up two dreams, drinking dreams, where I was like I fucking lost all my sobriety. It's gone. Twice. And then I finally woke up. And I was in my grandmother's basement when it happened. Yeah.

We should just do one fucking night, boys. You don't want to bring this monster back. Well, we all fucking get hammered. You don't want to bring this monster back. Hammered. Just one night. You guys couldn't do one night? No, we're addicts.

Does he understand? You're not an addict. You weren't an addict. You quit because you were having a medical thing. You weren't like, oh my God, it has control of my life. I did not quit because of a medical thing. I thought you were having issues with your liver or something.

No, I had a fatty liver, but I didn't quit because I quit because I'm an alcoholic. Oh, true classic. What do you act like I don't love? Back off. Do you act like I'm not a true classic boy? What am I wearing right now? You're wearing true classic.

What is my underwear? I don't know. True classic, what are my pants? True classic. Dude, my whole outfit right now? You're wearing true classic. What is my underwear? I don't know. True classic. What are my pants? True classic? Dude, my whole outfit right now is true. How comfortable are they? Buddy, true classic t-shirts.

This is why they figured out the shirt. They figured out how to hide your tits. They give you a little tight up top where most guys got it going. Yeah. You got a little shoulders. Sure. I'm doing curls. Yeah, but then.

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and you notice that you fold weird when you sit in a chair. I love true classics so much. And they're comfortable. They're so comfortable. The jeans, guess what the jeans have? They got that stretchy material, dude. You can sit whichever way you want to. They make sure that their clothing is snug where you want it and relaxed where you need

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or just head to trueclassic.com slash regs, with a Z, to get hooked up today. That's trueclassic.com slash reg. With a Z, make sure you do that, because we love True Classics. Are we in your book? None of you guys are. What? You are, you wrote the foreword. Who? Are we in your book? None of you guys are. What?

You are, you wrote the forward. Who? Are we in the book? Can I write the backward? Books. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Hoo hoo hoo. No, it ends with me starting comedy.

My mom dies and I start comedy. That's where it ends. Oh, I wish this book was reality. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Wait, and then is there gonna be a sequel? Do they call books sequels? Yeah. They call books sequels.

Forrest Gump Inc. Yeah. Yeah, what are you gonna do? Is the second one gonna start off? What's the name of it again? Knives and Spoons. Yeah, just make the other one. Forks and.

And spoons. And ladles. Sporks. Name it Legends. Spork in it. What is it again? I can't remember the name. Spork in the road. We already got it. Work in the road. Simon and Schuster. If you're listening, is that my publisher? Pump Penguin Books. I don't know. Pendant. Um, yeah, no, it's, uh, it's coming together. I'm very proud of it. Do

you have a ghostwriter? I have a co-writer. She very proud of it. Do you have a ghostwriter? I have a co-writer. Do you have a ghostwriter? He's not a ghostwriter. I mean, I put his name on the front of the book. That's not a ghostwriter. Yeah, he's writing it with somebody. And he's alive and well.

If I know Lewis. No, but actually, it's not just transcribing it. I've been writing myself. You type? You don't know how to type. I like, he goes, hi. Do you know how to type? Are you out of your mind?

I'll tell you why. Big Jay doesn't know how to type. Big Jay, he goes, You know how to type? Do you know how to type? Are you out of your mind? I'll tell you why, Big J doesn't know how to type. Big J's fingers are too fat for a keyboard. Wow. If I know Lewis, this guy is writing a beautiful book and Lewis is shadow boxing an inch away from his face. I'll be the writer, you be Lewis. He goes, anyways, fourth grade was pretty tough. I didn't really like it. Division, why do I need to learn that?

I already have a device of life. And that's when I said, I'm the anti-device division dude. I need a break. He goes, I actually wrote three episodes of ER. Keep those in mind. He transcribed like all the stories that I told him and now I'm going through. That's sick, you just smoke a blunt on your couch and go, so there I am getting sucked

off to hot bitches, right? They want more. I got it for them. I'm giving them everything they need. Can we do live readings of chapters when it comes out? Are you going to do the reading, the audio? Oh yeah. Wow. You're doing the audio book? I'm doing the audio book. You should have everyone that does a Lewis impression.

I thought about doing that, but the problem, it's a serious book. It's like 80% sad and 20% funny, so it's gonna be like, you know. Big J, Dave, me, and other people doing the Lewis voice for chapters would be sick. It would be funny. Yeah.

Do that on the sequel, Spork in the Road. Spork in the Road will be a funnier one. But no, it is fun. I mean, no, so he transcribed everything. Now he sends me what he has and then I just kind of shape it in my voice and I add other contexts and more stuff. You know, what's all these big words like

legend and virtue? I'm excited for the book. I'm excited for the book. I'm excited to read it on this podcast. Yeah, we can do readings. We should just open every episode with a chapter. I would love that. I would absolutely love that. I think you guys are going to like it. Is it going to be sad like where you cry?

I won't cry. Can I ask about my favorite Lewis story? Please. To know if it's in. Please. There's two things I wanna know. Number one. That's four things.

The drive-through prank with your mom. Yep. I literally, it's funny you said that, I just put that in. One of my favorite stories. What is it? I put it in my set, like literally, because that wasn't in there.

Yeah. I was talking about my mom, it didn't have a voice box. I need a prank or a drive-through. It's very funny. Yeah, we, I'll give you. We don't know my mom didn't have a voice box. He'd prank her at drive through. It's very funny. Very sad. I'll give you. We don't know what it is.

You should pay attention to your friend when you tell stories. I'll tell you real quick. You should go to his party on Sunday. No. I got two letters for that one, N-O. My mom had cancer so she had her voice box. They used radiation and she couldn't speak.

She could only whisper. So he had to a rubber hand to calm her down so she would uh so it was like she would like yell at us like but she would just whisper yell at us from like now kilmer and from my ninth maverick to like so she died she can only whisper yeah um you give her an impression of it? Yeah. She's like, low as fuck, kill you piece of shit, get out of the house. She go like, why are you keeping secrets bitch?

We're alone. She's like, so why are you, fuck, I don't like how. We told her that KFC was running a contest that you had to cluck like a chicken on the drive-through and say, I want some chicken and they'll give you a free valet meal. But only adults could do it. I wanna do that.

So we drove to the drive-thru, she's whispering, she's like, cluck cluck, can I have some chicken? And the kid's like, excuse me what? I'm sorry miss, what is that? She's like, cluck cluck, can I have some chicken? Are you trying to tell me a secret? And she, they couldn't hear, he gets the manager, she's like, can I have some chocolate?

Me and my sister are literally howling in the car, dying fucking laughing. So funny. And then she fucking finally notices. She's so upset. Second story, second story I like to know that's in the book. That's in there.

Louis J Gomez versus the world, where your mom takes you to the house of your four bullies and you have to fight them. Oh yeah. What? It's my favorite Louis. What was that? Isn't that the accountant? Didn't they do that in the movie Accountant?

I think it's a common story with kids that are bullied. Like, that's things you have to do with your kid. Sure. Like, if my kid was bullied by three kids in the neighborhood, I would have to bring him to each one of their houses, threaten their dad, and have my son fight them on the front lawn individually. But that's what Louis did.

And then, were you like three in one? Yeah. The last kid beat the shit out of me. Nicky, your colleague, your colleague fucking really fucking later on as my mom eventually, she was like, all right, quit it. Stop. She went like this. That's enough. That's enough. She had a voice. Your mom brought you to these houses, all the bullies. Yeah. And did it end? Did it work? Yeah, literally. it actually legitimately worked.

So the next day on Monday? They were just like, my mom's home, and she was right, she was like, if you just fight them, they're gonna stop picking on you. They don't wanna fight, they wanna bully somebody, so they'll bully the kid who's not gonna fight back. So that was that. That is a good lesson to learn, a tough lesson,

but I'm glad it's in the book. Oh, it's in the book. I'm just pumping people up so they'll buy it. My mom told me the kids that were bullying making fun of me. They said they were right She goes she goes just make fun of yourself it takes all the fun So I went the next day and they were actually trashing my mom. I'm like, yeah, she's a fucking pig Fucking oh, it's your fucking mom. Yeah, exactly. They go, hey, she's a fucking mom. Exactly, they were like, what?

Pick his ass, he's got no respect for his mom. Whomp his ass, fucking, this is your mother. Yeah, I go, what are you fucking doing? Your mother's a slut, I was like, yeah, dude, she fucking had my, my sister was 15, what a whore. She goes, hey, hey, fucking watch it. That's the woman that raised you. Boston Virtue.

Legend. They go, are you fucking, are you fucking kidding me, dude? No, no, you're talking about your mom like that we don't God you're fucking fat and stupid, but you had a medium mom. I wasn't fat. You're hot Hot Bob hot Bobby can I I mean I if we could just get these fucking lattes What could Joe possibly be doing this for this putting his dick in him? get these fucking lattes. What could Joe possibly be doing this for this? Putting his dick in them. It'd be funny if Joe got killed.

He's gotta cum four times. He goes, oh fuck, I'm gonna fucking shoot again. I gotta reload, rope, rope, rope. Hey Paco, do you wrap it up? Paco, where is he? We should do some plugs actually. Paco, where is he? Oh, plugs.

Track him Paco, track him with your Filipino nose. Paco, where is Joe? We know what you know. Oh, you haven't talked, you haven't texted him at all? No. What if he's dead? What if he fucking got hit by a car? Worth it.

No, it's not. Don't say that. I like Joe. Do not say that. You have a hookup on SiriusXM on tickets for shit? I didn't hear you, what? You have a hookup on SiriusXM for tickets? Talk to Jay, I don't know.

That's a tough one. They're fucking dicks about shit. Jay, but Jay knows, CAA, our agent, he's hooked in with them. They have tickets because they represent a lot of us. Beatrice wants to go to Beyonce and I take her. Yeah, talk to Jay. Jay can get you tickets.

That took some fucking. I don't go to the fuck. I don't do cars. They got mad at me. Oh jeez, well it's worth it. Yeah, but I don't work there anymore. I got list a ticket to Pearl Jam at the Apollo. James saw Pearl Jam, he was not impressed.

Okay. James saw Pearl Jam at Jazz Fest. He was at Jazz Fest? Yeah, New Orleans. Dan, what do you got? Hey, everybody. I am on the road. I just announced the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour

starting in September. But we're doing some one-offs before that. This episode comes out Wednesday, right? Tomorrow night, I will be in Albany at the Egg at 7 PM. And then Friday, I'll be in Burlington, Vermont at the Flynn Center. End of this month, I'm going to be in Burlington, Vermont at the Flynn Center. End of this month I'm gonna be in Appleton, Wisconsin, the 29th through the 31st at Skyline Comedy Club

and then Count Bassey Center in Red Bank, New Jersey. I'm gonna be there June 6th. I'll be there with Dan that night. Go get tickets at dansoder.com. Bless you, listen to Soder and- Dan, Joe's allergic to boring plugs. Fuck you. Sign up at punchup.com. Bless you. Listen to Soder and then Joe's allergic to boring plugs. Fuck you. Sign up at punchup.live. I'm doing some movie watch alongs. He's just a cunt. Cunt. But sign up punchup.live for Dan Soder. I'm doing some movie watch alongs with Nick

Mullen with Katie, Tim Dillon. They're very fun. They're going to be up there soon. These thin cookies. Where is this from? Robert? It's called Thin Cookies. It really is, it's on the box. Paco, bring up the next fucking thing. This is not what I ordered. Damn.

Who's this? Is this Joe? No, it's Joe. Joe. That's me, baby. This weekend, Cleveland, Ohio. Hilarities. Cleveland rocks.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Saturday afternoon, we're playing the movie. You can come see the movie. Tom, Dustin, hilarities. Cleveland rocks. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Can't have that. Saturday afternoon, we're playing the movie. You can come see the movie. Tom Dustin Portia. How's the movie doing? Great. I'm one halfway through it. Did you finish it?

It's 90 minutes. What the fuck? Do you like it? It's in little parts. No, I love it, it's great. I watch it when I work out. May 21st, my new special, which Netflix said no to. You work out for 15 minutes at a time?

Well, Netflix is out on my special. They're out. Why? They didn't want it. Really? Is it because of the way they filmed? Is it because of the way it was filmed? No, they just said, well, you can

buy some guys and the things and the boops and we want a ba-bap, boop, ba-boop. Who wants Netflix? You know what I mean? Don't you want to be rock and roll? What was the reason they gave you, Joe? I actually like Netflix a lot. You know, whatever.? Don't you want to be rock and roll? What was the reason they gave you Joe? Well, they only told me. I actually like Netflix a lot.

They said fucking, you know, whatever. Whatever this shit. I think Netflix is fantastic. And they make great products. Anyways, May 21st, my new special premieres in cinemas across the United States of America. You can go to joelistsmallball.com. It's gonna be in movie theaters.

It's gonna be fun. We'll see what happens. And then Punchline Atlanta, the end of the month, May 30th, 31st. How's the old in movie theaters, we'll see what happens. And then Punchline Atlanta, the end of the month, May 30th, 31st. How's the old other movie doing? That ever fucking make any money? Fourth of July? Yeah. No.

Come see me on the road. This weekend I'll be in Fort Myers, Florida at Snapper's Comedy Club. Next week I'm in San Antonio, Texas at Stable Hall, Hyena's Fort Worth, Hyena's Dallas, and then I'm going to Europe with Scott Chaplin, I'm very excited about it. That'd be fun as hell. Amsterdam, gonna sell out, Glasgow, not gonna sell out,

Dublin gonna sell out, Manchester gonna sell out, London not gonna sell out. Then come see me in June in Boston. You can sell out London, top secret's fucking great. That's what I'm doing, yeah. Side split. You're gonna fucking sell that out. I hope so, I'm still a few weeks out, so we'll see.

Then I'm doing a couple of- Get your feet out of my fucking space car. Fucking gorilla. Sorry for snapping. Snappers Comedy Club this weekend. So yeah, then I'm running through my special in New York a couple days at the stand, June 3rd and June 17th, and I got a few other gigs.

Would've been more local throughout June. But then I'm doing my special at Side Splplitters in Tampa. I'll be there the whole weekend July 10th, 11th and 12th taping the special on the 12th. Bobby Kelly is gonna be there probably getting on stage doing some spots right? Whatever you need. Zack Amico is gonna be there it's gonna be a goddamn blast and bringing the kids out it's gonna gonna be great. Don't touch them. Um, what? And then, uh, I don't touch the kids. Who's gonna touch? And then I check out all my other podcasts. I got a bonus podcast that you can only get if you subscribe

to my mailing list on my website. Oh, and you know what? I'll say this this Friday. This I'm saying this right now. This Friday, the 16th of May, officially you could pre order body Brain Coffee. There you go. Did you bring any with you? I didn't bring any with me, sorry. So you've got to book a festival coffee and stand up. A comedy special. And four podcasts.

A child's four podcasts. There's a lot going on. But yeah, guys, pre-sale, pre-order it. If you guys want to boost your testosterone or just support your testosterone, you know, boost your brain function. It's got Tonga Ali, Ashwagandha, Lion's Mane, and L-theneine in the coffee. It's super easy.

You can put it into a protein shake. You can do ice. You can do hot. I'm very proud of it. I take it literally every single day, and it's just great. So bodybraincoffee.com. Get the pre-order.

Buy it in pre-order. You should go last. Why? Promotion-wise. What do you mean? You should go last. You have a lot of stuff. So if I can do some You just go last, you have a lot of stuff. So if I can do some stuff, Bobby.

Like do a lot of stuff. Damn, dude. Pre-order my book in June. Jesus Christ. Get Nate's book, I read Nate's book. Punchup.live slash Robert Kelly and go to my YouTube channel, YouTube.com slash at Robert Kelly Comedy.

I got in June, that's it. I got Dojo and then Portland in July. And I'm done for the summer. I'm taking the summer off, except for a Lewis' special. I'm gonna go down there for those three days and hang out there. So make sure you just go to PunchUpLive.com and just punch in your email on my site there

and we're good to go. And of course, check me out on the Bonfire and Bone to Pick and YKWD. YKWD this week we have Jim Norton on and we have Yoshi who I love so check that out. Yoshi. Yoshi. Little dinosaur from Mario Brothers.

Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Eats Bobby's fucking bag. Wow, you should get that tattooed. These are good.

I know I left because Joe texted the group, Lewis wants some chocolate chip cookies. That's very funny. Why can't you just own that you want a snack? Yeah, you funny. You're a closet chipper. Yeah. You're a closet chocolate chipper.

I'm ignorable. You're a psycho. No, you think you're ignorable. You did that to me when we did Story Wars. Ignorable isable, you're a psycho. No, you think you're ignorable. You did that to me when we did Story Wars. Ignorable's a great name for a special. You kept ordering pizzas and Bobby wants fries. Yeah, that was funny, it was a bit.

Yeah, but it's not for me. That's a bit, that's the bit. When you're fat, it's not funny. It seems like you're being fat. It seems like, oh. You're better than that. No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

Who's better than fart comedy? No one. Nobody. None of the four of us. No. And I not. No, I'm not. Who's better than fart comedy? No one. Nobody. None of the four of us. No. And I can't smell, so it's just better. Your farts don't smell. So dry.

Dry and burn your eyes. I like these. No, no, no. Look at them. No, no, no. Those are good. No, no, no. No cookie for you.

You are not allowed to unless you have virtue. You are not allowed to eat a cookie. What about being a laptop? Oh, dude, I left my laptop on the airplane. Is this, this is a nightmare. Tell us. I mean, that's it. I've left it in the airplane,

and then Indian men keep on calling me, telling me they don't have my laptop. It's the worst. Sorry, Louis, I definitely don't have the video of, was that Kim Kongden? Holy shit. What is wrong with your eyes in this video? I would have put this on a zip drive.

It's very spicy. Joe doesn't even do the accent. He just says it and throws it over to you. I'm doing an accent. What is wrong with your eyes in this video? You have a cookie in your mouth. Wait till you're bad the accent to begin with. You can't nail it with a cookie in your mouth.

I'm doing good accents, all right. Those cookies were made for your mouth. It's kind of like the Thin Minj. The Lewis Minj. We already, hey, just to check it with you, we already kind of did that one. Shut up, Paco. Filipinos love chaos.

How do you guys feel about Oreos? I like double stuff only. Are you talking about half breeze? Like Bobby's wife? Like black mom, white dad? Sorry. I was gonna hit me. What'd you say? He said, I like double stuff only. I said like by my wife like black mom white dad. Sorry He said I like double stuff only I said like Bobby's wife she likes a dick in the mouth

Never talk about dawn you piece of shit She doesn't love it. She loves when I talk about her. She got mad the last. No, she didn't time. No, she didn't. She did. She was like, tell Louis to shut the fuck up. She didn't say that at all. Yeah, she did. I was over, I was at his house. Have some goddamned respect. I'll talk about you, a fucking dumb girl you're hanging out with.

Should I take her back, guys? Who? What? Not that one. Are you not with her? Not officially. Yeah, don't. I don't like that lady.

We don't like her. Just Joe away from the mic. Why don't you go find another Kim? Kim, we're awesome. You guys are great. Me and Kim were violent. Yes, it was beautiful. Horrible for you guys, great for us.

Yeah, she's awesome. You guys are fucking great together. Me and Kim had the craziest, most tumultuous relationship ever. You have a great baby. You make a nice, sexy baby. No, we'd get angry at each Me and Kim had the craziest, most tumultuous relationship. You have a great baby. You make a nice, sexy baby. No, we'd get angry at each other and fucking kill the baby. That's true.

That's fun, too. I've done that a few times. Dude, Kim throwing stuff out the window of our fourth floor apartment in Harlem at me. You guys lived together? Yeah, we did. But it was like things that didn't matter. So she went through that.

She found an old charger. You're joking? Sorry. No She found like an old charger. Sorry. No, she found like an old charger for like a phone that doesn't work anymore. Like fucking. You go, was that for my old Samsung? Are you wearing Ugg slippers?

Yeah, and a bathing suit. The fuck are you doing? Damn dude, you're really living life. I'm going out of the pool. Are you really gonna dip in? Yeah. You couldn't change at the house? What. You couldn't change at the house? What?

You couldn't change at your house? I didn't feel like changing. Okay. I'm just gonna be like, I'm swimming in four hours at my home. That's why I'm wearing a bathing suit. I swim before I came and I'm swimming when I go back. I didn't know.

Is that why you were late? Cause you got out and you were drying off and you go. No, no, no, I left perfectly on time. The problem is I try to be perfectly on time. And you're early. I get here a half hour early. Early. I got here early too.

I know, I should've. We got here early, we did the reads. Yeah, everything's done. Did Noam do the reads with you too? No, cause he would go. He's like 20% off, it's a great deal. How much are you getting for these? Am I not getting enough money?

He goes, Bobby, I've never gotten true classic from you. I would like a shirt that hides my belly and shows off my shoulders. Be a very nice, be a very nice gift. Guys, this was a great episode. No, we're not done, timekeeper. I'm not, I've given up that life. Stop calling me a timekeeper.

I'm a timekeeper. That part of me is dead. Somebody posted a thing with us as Batman villains. And it was you as the Joker, you as the Riddler, you as Bane, and me as Mr. Freeze. But I should be Bane, you should be Penguin. No, you should be Mr. Freeze. No, Bobby's a good-

He's a good Bane. Bane was fucking huge. Are you out of your mind? Bane is huge, Bobby's a good. He's a good thing was fucking huge. Are you out of your mind? Bain is huge. Bobby's all beans tall. You're very short, very penguinish. Very sure you're penguinish. No, I'm not. There you are. I am Bain. The penguin is you walk like a penguin. No, you think was a fin.

No, you Mr. Freeze. Six, five and six foot eight. So he's small. Well, that's your fucking pocket. I should be Bain no, it says five nine right there stupid. No, no dickhead. You are Tom Hardy I'm Hardy five nine, but they make him look like he was six five Oh, he's in he shot from below Louis baller Bain chill out you mr. Freeze I'm Bain everyone obviously Bain the obviously Bane. You're the fucking Penguin. Penguin's cool.

It's right there, dude. Penguin's super cool. I don't wanna be a fucking Penguin. You're Penguin's a good Penguin. But the original Penguin is, you're trying to say like, oh, you're talking to the feed off of your dad. I have a tiny house.

Oh, Max loves the tiny house. Why's my nose? We go there every summer. Hey Joe, can you get me a napkin? You visit Boston, I was born in it. Oh, don't, once you mention Dawn, then you may die. Joe, can you get me a napkin? He's talking to me.

Joe Russell, not you, you fucking idiot. I mean, Joe is a perfect riddler. Oh, he's like fucking, I don't know, what's alive in the morning, asleep in the evening. What do you get when you get a fucking cookie and another cookie? Woo! He goes, woo, buddy. It's fucking, it's a riddle.

And yeah, you're a great joker. I'm gay. Dude, I show that to James. He, dude, he nearly shits his pants. He makes me play for maybe twice a week. What is it? Well, apparently they did it on Come Town, because that was every fucking, I guess.

But Nick's is- Is Come Town back together? No, they did an episode of Stobbies World that was great. Oh, yeah. We got accused of stealing a Comptown bit instead of just simply just improving and getting there. That we riffed something that also they riffed. They riffed the Joker. Like we listened and wrote it down and years later

we're like, this would be a perfect time to rip off this bit. And I bet you yours was better. I don't know, Mullen fucking jams, dude. Mullen's one of the funniest people ever. Of all time. He's our Norm MacDonald. No offense to Stob and to Adam, but I feel like we haveullen fucking jams dude. Mullen's one of the funniest people ever. But Mullen, no offense to Stav and to Adam, but I feel like we have a better entourage here.

How's that thin cookie? Very good, six of them. How many fucking cookies are you gonna eat? Six, I just told you. This is the cookie. Oh here's the deal, which Sesame Street people are we? Because he's the Cookie Monster. Dan, you're the count.

So one, it's time to leave. It's been three, forty one. It's time to leave! It's been 89, 90 minutes! Time for us to leave! You're a fat elephant. I knew he was gonna get so mad. Did you see the way he was looking at him? I called him Stefan Lovigas anyway. He's Grover, he's 100% Grover. That's not Grover, he's not Grover. Grover's adorable. Yeah, you're right, Grover is his name. He's nothing adorable about him.

You're fucking Miss Piggy, you fat fuck. I take Miss Piggy. You're Bert, you're Ernie. There you go, Bert. That was you gave fucking Muppets. All right, hold on. Sesame Street. Sesame Street. So you're Bert Nerney.

It works perfectly. He's the Cookie Monster on the count. Yeah. This is great. Cookie Monster's, I watch Sesame Street every day. Cookie Monster's funny. Do you know that? He is.

You know who's annoying? Much people. The new one? Who do you think? No, Elmo. He's the main guy. Elmo's a little annoying cunt. He's the guy.

Everyone we grew up with in this industry is out. Elmo's huge. Like Big Bird. Elmo's the only one that matters to kids. Big Bird you never see. Big Bird. I went, they film it in Queens, and I went over there and saw an episode

being filmed with Max. And they had Big Bird and Snuffleupagus in nets, like hanging from the ceiling. It was weird. And they were like, you can't take a picture of that. But Elmo was the star. And then all of a sudden, Max got a cookie from the craft services and you heard, oh, cookie!

And the person, who got a cookie? Ran out and went, give me that cookie, chased Max around for it. He's a black guy. Yeah. He goes, sorry, that's a homeless man. He just has, ironically has the same voice as the Cookie Monster.

Bobby's Oscar the Grouch. Oh yes. Yeah dude. What the fuck are you talking about? You're a little grouchy. Yeah, you are grouchy sometimes. I'm grouchy because I'm fucking. Because I'm the post motherfucker on Sesame Street.

No one help with my ass. Actually, Max, I got a picture of Max coming out of the trash can. That's sick. It's pretty wild, yeah. That's cool. This is coming out of the trash can. That's sick. It's pretty wild, yeah. That's cool. This is the last bite, I promise. That's crazy.

The fact that you fuck an entire thing of cookies is crazy. Walk through. I'm so hungry right now. You're going to get fat eventually. Walk through. Is that a different cookie? Is that a joke? Is that a brownie?

Croissant. Why do you want a croissant? Guess what I did today. What did you do today? I did a 20 minute kettlebell workout. I did a three mile run and I rode my bike here and I'm riding my bike back. That's great.

I did a three mile run and I did arms and shoulders. You're missing the point. I'm not saying I'm better than you. You're saying you're better than me. Thanks, Pock. I'm saying I had five. Wow! That was sick.

Wow! Buckle, buckle. Oh! Thought you were king shit. Yeah, you don't know kung Fu, do you? Kung food. Great. Um, I did a lot of cardio. Did you, did you work out today? Then was the last time you worked out dad? A couple of weeks ago. Would you do? Would you do? Went down and ran for a mile and

then lifted weights for your home gym. Yeah. I should do it a lot more. I don't doing it it once every few months is a crazy thing. No, never do it. I was doing it consistently twice a week for a little bit. Twice a week is not consistent. You run one mile every two weeks, you're good. Thanks. I meditated today.

When's the last time you worked out? I work out every day this week. I worked out this morning. I knew you would. With bands, the head of the thick bands. Full body workouts. Oh yeah, they do like 20 minutes. You guys, and then I did, uh,

and then I, can I answer my fucking thing? He asked me a question. Nobody believe Bob, we all just moved on. I just got, I just got a whole new gym in my house. I got all the, from five to 50 done dumbbells. That's gold. He's a gimp. He's like all leather in a box.

Just blowin' a dude up. Just blowin' me in my sauna. Oh yeah. I just got an ice plunge. I don't think I'm gonna sell it. I hate ice plunge. I'm gonna sell it. It sucks.

I don't think I want it. It sucks. I love the sauna is awesome. Yeah. But the ice plunge, I went in once and I'm like, I'm afraid of it. I hate it. Yeah, it's terrible.

I'll do it. There's a Russian bath house near my house in Jersey. Yeah. And it's nothing gay. Come on. It's a gay Russian. Is that why you have tattoos? You want me to suck your dick? You call that blow job?

Hey, you want me to lick you? Louis comes in with stars on his shoulders from sucking their dicks. There's Louis, this guy can't get enough. Here he comes, Mr. Vacuum Cleaner. Suck, suck, suck. Oh, I, sock. Oh, I love him.

No, but they have a, I will say when I do that, because they have a really hot sauna, like a crazy hot one. Is that what you call them? It's called a wet sauna. Is that his nickname, sauna? A wet sauna. My name is Igor Wet Sauna.

You know what a wet sauna is? Yeah. What is it? It's a sauna where you go, you suck a bunch of Russian guys fucking sissy. Nice. No, they have like a lever. A lever with water.

You fill the bucket with ice cold water while you're in the sauna, you dump it over your head. That's all. All of them have that. Not all of them. All the Russian ones. All the Russian ones. The Russian ones.

That's a great one. The one in Chicago is great, too. The one in Jersey that I go to, it has like a bunch of different rooms. There's a crazy hot, wet sauna. Then they have the dry sauna. They have two steam rooms. And then they have right outside of the sauna.

The suck off room? They have the suck off room. James suck love. We call that the Louis J. Gomez room. The memorial. He blows everybody. We call him the legendary Louis J. Gomez because he's got lots of virtue. In Russia there is a story of man who has so much calm in his stomach it must be pumped

out. That's your machine story? Yeah. This is the suckathon 5000. We know Robin. This man. You're the vacuum. This man uses no hands.

He just pulls calm with throat and tongue. I'm rubbing. This man. This man uses no hands. He just pulls calm with throat and tongue. Lewis has to come on stage and suck a guy off before he starts his show. Are you guys ready to watch this Russian guy come? Woo! So, no, but there's an ice plunge, like fucking freezing. So cold.

And it's just, it's like a small. Just to freeze. It's a small, it's a small like little thing, like maybe I would say six feet by six feet, it's like a square, and it's maybe 10 feet deep. Yeah. And you just go, and you just fucking plunk all the way out. I didn't want to Chicago.

But it just resets you from the sauna, then you go back in the sauna again. Your feet hurt though. The first time it hurts. I mean, your feet, when you go from the sauna, I was in Chicago, and there was a guy that worked there, Your feet hurt though. The first time it hurts. I mean, your feet, when you go from the sauna, I was in Chicago and there was a guy that worked there and he kept telling me, you're sitting here,

and then he was fanning me off, making the sauna hotter with a towel. Then he made me go into the ice plunge and he made me wait 20 seconds. Oh, I can't do that. And then he would go back in, I did it five times and by the fifth one, but then he, I was trying to come out on the fifth one

because I was hurting too much. And he was coming back in, but his towel fell off. His towel fell off and his just weird cock was coming. I had to like dodge his dick. He's like, no, no, they stay. And I was like, ugh. This is how this happens. It's a little homo raro.

They have like these big palm things. I did that for Yahoo that Yahoo series I did they sent me to a Russian bath house and they whip you with these fucking like palm leaf go to a Coed day at the one over here and they bring it they had a girl come in smoking blonde that one's the only you know What the deal is that one they smashed her they kept hitting it with the thing until a top came off Oh, yeah, and then she was just top. Semi-raptor. No. It was just a bunch of guys like this. Do you know what the deal is with that one?

So you have to get a card that's good every other day. The two owners of it hate each other. So Monday, Wednesday, Friday is one owner that you pay. That's right. Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and then they split every other Sunday. It's like fucking... Divorce. It's like they drew a line on the floor.

They were like, that is his side. Sorry. You want his sauna? I heard it's warm. But there's a gay day over there. Someone just, Andy Haynes just went there and he went into the sauna. It was gay day and there was just dudes fucking. Yeah, dude, just rip some meth

and then just butt fucking a hot sauna. I love a steam, I love a sauna. I thought you were about to say you love a hot butt fucking on meth. Love sucking a hot wet dick up. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I might go today. Honestly, as I'm talking about-fucking on meth. I'm sucking a hot, wet dick up. Oh, I might go today. Honestly, as I'm talking about, I really want to go. I'm going to see Sinners tonight, so maybe we'll go out.

Sinners is fun. I heard it was good. You liked it? Yeah. I want to go see it. People love it. It's fun. I heard friendship is really good.

I can't say what movie I'm going to see because I spoiled episode two of Last of Us for all the fans. I just said exactly what happened at the beginning of Allegiance Gangs. Oh really? Have you watched? I played the video, I'm playing the video happened at the beginning of Allegiance Gangs. Oh really, the Joel? Have you watched?

I played the video, I'm playing the video game right now. Yeah, but it happened in episode two with Joel. Oh, okay. So I came in, I just literally said it, and people were like, what the fuck, it came out yesterday. What's Last of Us, what is that? A video game that they turned into an HBO show.

Yeah, and people are so mad because the girl is not a hot child, it's like an ugly chick. It's very weird. People that are- It's very, dude, it's very strange, like first of all, I actually don't really give a shit at all. Like people are like, dude, this is what Hollywood is, and they show like a picture of this girl's face.

And like first of all, there's plenty of hot chicks still in Hollywood. There's so many smoking hot chicks that are fucking famous. You could have an Ugo once in a blue. Yeah, that's actually better for movies. Watch movies in the 70s. Way more ugly people were in them, way more believable. It was- Dog Day day afternoon. I watched that

recently and you're like everyone in this thing is ugly. I try to watch that. Um, what was the movie about the island? Uh, no, no, no, no. It's a TV show, TV show. Sorry. Lost lost trying to watch lost and that came out of the time where everyone was hot on TV. So like literally everyone on that plane was so good hot except the big fat, a big fat guy that looked like big Jay Really? Jay's really taking a beating He lost a hundred pounds that chick on that the blonde one I couldn't stand her accent that my baby Charlie my baby never walk. Oh, yeah fucking annoyed me

That's all the main chick was so hot though The first day she's like washing herself off in the water and she's just got abs and a fucking beautiful body. This is also when girls had flat asses and it was hot. Remember there was a time where a nice little flat ass, a tight flat ass. Wait a minute, time, I still like that. I like a big fat white girl.

J.Lo changed it. J.Lo came out with the butt and everyone was like, oh. The Kardashians did too. I like a shovel ass. J.Lo was before the Kardashians. I like a Christy McNichol ass. Nice fat guy ass. Like small asses. Pull up is before the Kardashians. I like a Christy McNicholas. Nice guy ass. Like small asses.

Pull up the chick from walls. What was the chick's name? That Yoko. Her name was Sarah McGillian. That sounds made up. That sounds made up, but I know you're right. I know you're right, but that sounds made up. No, by the way, he's holding his laugh,

which is beautiful. I like the fact that he's... Yeah, we're like... Sarah McGillian? Yeah. He just made it up. I like that. I like any ass. This bitch... Yeah, wait, wait. Sarah McGillian? He just made it up. I like that. I like any ass. This bitch.

Sarah. Get her like in her bikini. No butt though. No, she has no butt. I love a no ass. Get her in the bikini from the second episode of Lost. There is a butt though. I see the curvature.

No, she's got no butt, dude. Ah, Joe, that could just be jeans. No, like if she was famous now, she'd be in the gym doing... Look at that little... No, no, no. Pull up the fucking scene from Lost. Stop defending your guy. You yell at Paco. That's not my guy, that's your guy.

I yell at yours. My guy's not on the phone, that's your guy, you fucking idiot. Great arms on this lady. Paco, pull up the scene from Lost. Better on the body. She's in her underwear. Why aren't you yelling at him like you yell at my guy?

Paco, Paco, my friend. Paco, Paco. Paco, Paco, Paco. Oh my God. Fluent. Get that Paco. That's cool, it'so. Paco, Paco, Paco, Paco. Oh my God. Fluent. Get that Paco. That's gorgeous. Yeah, she's still not bringing it up.

Have you ever seen Lost? No. Yeah, it's way overrated. I had to watch, stop watching after like six episodes where like this show sucks. Sucks. Yeah, this is the scene, dude. You gotta get a flat ass.

But look at her, like imagine this bitch is just like washing her clothes in the ocean. I go, hey, I go, hey, shorty, wanna fuck? Yeah, she's hot. She's hot. Look at her flat ass. Look at it, see it from behind? I think it's great.

You gotta get up with the top corner. No butt. Look at that butt. Top corner. Oh, hey, what do you think? Look at her flat little butt. I love it. Flat booty.

Look at that flat. There's no sweaty big fat ass. No, I like to lick a sweaty asshole. I like a small butt. No. You like a big ass? I like tush. I like tush, dude. Yeah, I like to lick a sweaty, big fat ass. No, I like to lick a sweaty asshole. I like a small butt. You like a big ass? I like push. I like a tush. A little cushion for the pushing, eh boys?

You don't like a big fat ass? I think it smells. I like to put my mouth right in there. I do. I eat ass. I love it. I eat ass every fucking time I go on stage. Hey. Hello. I don't mean to go on a rant here,

but watching Joe on stage, there's my little Dennis Miller. Guys. It's an idiot room. Take the money and run. Well, there you go. We're back. Great episode.

Lewis. Jiggling his leg. Jiggling his leg. At least he gave me my room back. He was way over here with his fucking whole body for the whole show. Roomba? I want to thank our guest, Gnome Dorman. First guest.

Yep, thanks for the studio. Gnome, I barely met him. Ha! Ha ha! Like and subscribe. Go to our stuff and then make sure you check out these dudes who produce the show. The merch. Did we have a merch?

Yeah, we had a merch. No, we're launching it. Where is it? What the hell? We have it. If you go to ComicWearables.com, they still have our merch? Yeah, we had a merch, right? No, we're launching it. Where is it? What the hell? If you go to ComicWearables.com, they still have our merch out there. It's spelled wrong. Don't buy that shirt, that's crazy. It's not spelled wrong.

It's spelled R-E-G-S, yes it is. No it isn't, it's spelled. Dunking Moose hoodie is gonna be my first order. Hold on, let me see. And then Blue Jay Oakerson. We had all these. We have a Dunking Moose shirt, did you see it? Where?

I'll show you right now. Is it a jersey? We got a rifle in the design. A jersey is a great idea. What the hell? It should be a jersey is a great idea. What are gonna happen? Should be a Jersey with a number 69. Us as the Sesame Street characters or us as the Batman villain?

It's gonna be a fucking bunch of merch. Don't, don't. All right guys, we'll see you guys next time. I gotta go poop. On the Rex. I really need to go poop now. Where is that? They made it.

Is it, who made it? It's gonna be for sale like any day now. That's fucking. When, let me see. That's fucking sick, dude. I want a Duncan movie. It's gonna be for sale any day now. We want to show you. When? Let me see. That's fucking sick, dude. I want a Duncan movie. I approved a bunch of designs already. Why don't you ask us if we want it approved?

You're one of four, dude. You're one of four, you fucking loser. Because you guys don't care as much. We do. I'd say vote yes and no. We voted on this. Yeah, we vote on everything. I like this.

I like this one. You can't just make merch for us, you cocksucker. You gotta run it by us. There's some guy who just made merch for us that you didn't run. Yes. I ran it by everybody. You didn't run I run you walked slow. I walk at 3.0 We ran it by everybody to incline fucking run our shit by us before you just make shit You fucking weirdo Jay Okerson. Yeah, that was run by About him gonna cut my Jay in on the money had this conversation Yeah, that was run by a blue jay. You gotta cut him out on that shirt. That's what I said. Yeah, give money.

It's about him. You gotta cut Jay in on the money. We had this conversation. I said it and none of you guys spoke up. Cause we don't listen to you. I said blue jay ochreston. No, no, I said we're gonna have to give him money. By the way, you get credit for that.

People say that you said it and it bothers me. No, I didn't say it. I like that Jay actually doesn't know what it is. So he goes. He knows exactly what it is. What is that? And you go, J. He has a hoodie.

That says Blue J O. Yes. Nobody made it for him, yeah. Fucking our merch guy before he trashed him, who was making merch for us. Kevin. Kevin's a sweetheart. Love Kevin.

He's the best in the world. He brings his friends out to shows. And then he fucking made a company and told them. They tried to make a 42 shirt and I put the kibosh on it. Yeah, that's my favorite number. That's what favorite number. 42.

42. It's too much. Let me see. It's too much. Who's going to wear that? No, it's too much, dude. It's too much. Mount Regs more.

Let me see it. I didn't approve it. Some of these stink. All right. Well here, I'm showing you them now. We have our own bomb dana, new bomb dana for sale. That's nice. I do.

I approve that. Bomb dana for sale. That's nice. I do. I approve that. The bomb dana is great. I approve that. I like that. I did approve that. I approve that. What else do you have? The Duncan Moose shirt, top notch. I love it. What else? Let's see.

The other one's too much. Just a regular logo shirt. That's great. Love that. There we go. You should put it on a half shirt though, like a mesh half shirt. Right? I'd wear that. I'd wear that, yeah. Not the half shirt part. I just want a Duncan Moose hoodie.

All right, so go to the thing when it comes out. It's gonna be regsmerch.com, but it's not out yet. But it will be maybe next week. Maybe. Well, maybe we should. I'll find out, I'll confirm. You might be taking it there. Well, yeah, maybe.

I'll text right now. You shouldn't have trashed our guy that was selling merch. We should have just promoted it. It's not good merch. We never promoted it. Especially when he's going to Cleveland and he's gonna see him this weekend. Hey, when are we launching the Regs store?

Can we not be part of your business meetings? You literally just asked to be a part of the business. Not this part of it. I like the other part of it. All right, we'll see you guys next time. Motherfucker! Regs.