Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Vos' Dead Ear

Episode Date: February 19, 2018

It's a Valentine's Day YKWD and love is in the air as Bobby is joined by Rich Vos, Katie Hannigan, Kim Congdon and Luis J Gomez to discuss passion after marriage, spying on phones and discolored undercarriages! Duuuude! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is going to be a clutch to fuck this podcast. No rules. You're the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic? Oh, that was trying to keep it like a comic head.

I have a bunch of Oh, that was trying to keep it like a comic-can. I have a bunch of y'all on. It's just us sitting down and sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's having no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Side to the coin. Oh, no, no. You want to do anything?

My podcast is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life. You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com. Yeah, I'm a quick, welcome to Whitecast Review Podcast. I'm your guest host, it was Shay rubber Kelly died of diabetes and it was awful But you know what he gave me the show and he said I could take over riot cast now on what the audio fence on You can have you're dead you can have you Right I hope I die

But you know it wouldn't even make you feel. What you literally come here go all right guys Listen I would try to take over I mean Because but it's not because I wouldn't care about you is because I do care about you I don't want to give all your people a place to work. Oh, that's so nice on Valentine's day It is a loving spirit that I have you have a loving spirit that is fucking Twemented in hell Happy Valentine's Day, so you're a weird mood today. I'm in a fucking weird mood. Yeah, I am going on Well, my friends in the hospital who's in the hospital had a heart attack. No, he didn't I just lie about that

Well, I will not it's my podcast. I'm not that shut the fuck up. It's my podcast cut his mic Don't say that calling on a heart attack. Yeah, he's doing good though No, it's not he had a heart attack. That's the opposite of good. He's doing good now, I said. Like he's getting a heart attack today. He's getting, uh, yesterday. Oh, I was like on Valentine's Day, so it's not that cool. It's kind of hacky.

Yeah, right? Yeah. Yeah. He's, uh, he's, uh, really? He actually wrote, but this is how funny calling this goes, my heart broke on Valentine's Day. That's just good. He wrote that.

But as his Twitter character was, his Twitter character is just the worst human. It's awesome. It's actually so fun. He's the, and people don't get it. And they're like, dude, that's stupid. He's like, I do, you guys see me? Like, I used to be a fan of yours, but fuck you dude.

I hope you died. I'll just retweet it with a smiley face. I'm sorry. People do not get it at all. Anyways, let's go through and announce everybody. Vos, Rich Vos is coming. He's late. I don't know why he's fucking late, but he is late.

Yes, there he is. See, there's his Twitter account. He had a heart attack, but he's getting a stint in. He's going to start eating better. And he is going to be back on his feet. Very soon. That sucks, dude. I love Colin. Colin's sweetheart.

The best guy in the business. He really is just like a warm good dude. He's the, I don't even, you can't get it. Like what he has, because he's aggressive. Partisans, you get it. No, you're working on it, Bob. Working on it. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm making an appointment tomorrow.

I call Tommy, go listen, Colin's Dominic Olis and Collins and I just, I just saw him. He looks physically. Looks better than ever. He looks great. Yeah. He's never know the cholesterol. You never know Katie.

You never know. I'm gonna go now too. Oh, that'd be great if you'd like. Now I'm nervous. Oh, how do you guys? We both die right now. You just started taking on fucking, just comics just started dropping from heart disease.

Oh my God, that looks disgusting. Please get that off. Colin is fucking little Andy, I'm really, is, wants my dreams. He wants. Anyways, let's go through the list. Let's announce everybody. Who do we got, Gab?

And the Tom Cruise. I'm the Instagram Story. And then the five, yours or mine? Yours. Oh, okay, cool. We have Katie Hannah. Hello shit This bitch is back. I'm back. Yeah, the bitch is back. I like it. I like it to mean Katie. She usually usually Why would you say I like it? I like it. Well, I like Katie because I'm rapping. Yeah, no key drop a beat for me Love for me. I love painting.

And again, she's got a man again. She's got those dumb glasses. They're upside down. Yeah. Me and Bobby Kelly were the best hip hop rapping duo in the Gale. Oh, you're supposed to run Kelly dummy, not game. Whatever. Me and Rob.

Do you listen to me? Do you like the best hip hop with a belly? You got some basic bitch shit, dog. You don't got to rhyme on everything. Whatever. Me and Rob. We're like the best hip hop with a belly. That's some basic bitch shit dog. You don't got to rhyme on everything. Buddy, you know, there's no trip hop shit dog. Buddy, I went back, man. You got to rhyme all the time. Oh, you're going to jump a dime. And that's the way it's got to be. Because if you can't flow, you can't be with me. That's crazy. And I'll take your chick and I'll take Katie to

and then I'll take my glue and stick it. Whoa, shit. But it was that's great use of goo. And I'll take your chick and I'll take Katie to and then I'll take my Oh, oh, oh shit But it was that's great use of goo that's crazy you made rap sound old All right, so we got Katie who else do we got a push with shake oh man? What up? Listen up Gabby's in the house. Hey, I'm Gabby.

Ho, ho, ho. Sorry. It's my impression of her. Thank you so much. Remember, we didn't know she had a muppet voice. It's all pointed at her. And now we just, is he can't unhear it? But I can't, but listen, I never even

thought about it until right now. And now that's all he hears. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an old someone. Coming in on the post show and said, it's actually muppet in the blowfish. Yeah. How I fucking dance, I bet.

It sounds like when you eat too much ketchup or skittles and you get to get on. Right. A little bit of a... A little bit of a... A little bit of a... A little bit of a... A little bit of a...

A little bit of a... A little bit of a... A little bit of a... A little bit of a... A little bit of a... A little bit of a... A little bit of a... A little bit of a...

A little bit of a... A little bit of a... A little bit of a... A little bit of a... A little bit of a... Yeah, yeah, what you guys do during sex Say I love you His has cigarette and fucking weed coffee on the end of it It's a half brown and half see through you know Listen, uh, who else do we got Kim conden hello? Yes, can I call can I call you her chick? What's going on Bob you where's a bomb in? I'm on my mic. I was keeping it here just okay. I always throw the first one. I was just to make people know it's okay to bomb on my show

You don't have to have fun It's willfully sucking yeah super early in the show too because if it happens like 45 minutes into the show people like what the fuck is that So you got to you know setting the pace of the show. How's my show work? I'm letting them know. I'm letting them also know. I'm a lamin, I'm a lamin. I've been doing the show more than,

longer than anybody else's on the show. Yeah, except for. Joe D'Arosa, who doesn't come on the show anymore? Me! You fucking mook. You fucking chooch. You fucking pepperoni face. You fucking.

You fucking. Do you have freckles on your nose too? I do, freckles. What do you have freckles? What do you have freckles on your nose? I do, freckles. What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? Are you like Puerto Rican? I'm really scared that we're related.

We actually, we don't want to check. We nothing. Nothing would make me happy if you have a baby that comes out with a fucking hair lip. That's what I'm fucking scared of. You're gonna get a return baby. Yeah. I mean, there's a 50-50 shot is coming out as a retard baby.

Yes. Of course. Related or not? Yeah. Maybe yeah, I mean there's a 50 50 shot is coming out as a retard baby I also want to welcome our guests on the couch Gabby. Please welcome Connor Connor Connor Magriga He's from Ireland. He's put a lot of you have Connor McGregor put on the couch. He's on the couch right now say hi Connor Oh God, are you actually from Ireland Connor? Are you from France originally? There's a mic we have a mic for you right there You want to pick up the mic? Mike that's what you smiled on the subway it was his dick No use the mic talking to the mic is a podcast audio go ahead mic Is that on oh he's also got a conti attitude. Do you see that you see his fucking conti french face? I it should work Pick it up up. Make it work. What's talking to it?

It's not working. That's not working. That's not on him. I gotta be honest with you. Yeah, we're not getting it though. You're right, dude. You're right. He's you're 100% right. We're not. His Mike's his Mike's working. We're stupid. Yeah, all of us can't hear it. Why can't we hear it, Jack? All right. I'm fucking after the show. Your team, your team, Bobby, I'm gonna, you know, we're gonna talk. Would you buy your producers on WIC?

Oh, shit. That was terrible. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,'s about your, it's a theme show, okay? You're only on theme shows, right? Listen, Katie, not you. I'm here because I'm lonely. Now, oh, Bonnie couldn't make it. Listen, we need to dry bitch. We're in a bitch with pink. Listen, can I say bitch? Why'd you get me to say bitch? No, you make people racist. It's not a race. Oh, fucking massage in you know, stick. Yeah, I apologize. Well, welcome, Mike from France. I'm sorry, the Mike doesn't

Connor from France, though, the Mike doesn't work. I'm sorry, the Connor doesn't work. No, I didn't bomb my left. Oh, you bombed. You didn't laugh. I left on my own. No, you didn't. You didn't laugh. I laughed at my own drink. No, you didn't. You were crying inside. Listen, we need to get that mic fixed. Anyways, it's Valentine's Day. We got Rich Vos coming in. Now, how long you guys been dating, by the way? How long you been in together?

Almost a year now. No. A little less than a year. We don't say how long have you been fucking. Yeah. Well, we kind of consider when we started fucking, when we started dating, right? That's the same thing, right?

Yeah. Fucking and dating? Yeah. Well, when we decided that we're gonna be exclusively, but that was very quick, because we're both very jealous people. So within a week, we were like, I jealous.

Yeah. Do you get jealous of him and other girls? No, not like. Yeah, you do. No. Yeah, yeah. She's a jealous person. I feel like he does.

Every time I'm pretty sick. Will you stop hypnotizing me with your face wash every time I'm every time I open my phone He's like who's that even if it's a girl really I'm not like that. Oh, so you get jealous of her He's worse than me. You get jealous of her. Hey, I'm a dumb a jealous guy. No shit. We're both jealous guys though Why yet? Don't tell me what I am. I'm not jealous I know I won't tell my mention on I talked about Don Suppletitties and you nearly threw a bottle at my face. That's not that that's my friend talking about wife's titties. That's a jealous.

That's jealousy right now. I talked about the subleness of her ariolas. If I saw, she has fake, beautiful fucking. I'm looking at me when he said, yeah, don't look at Gabby. What do I say, beautiful ariolas? No, that wasn't that wasn't jealousy. Like I say beautiful ariolas. No, that wasn't that wasn't jealousy. Like you're going to fuck her.

That's just you being a pig about my wife. That's two different things. Thank you. If you if she was texting you, I'd be I find saw my well, you know, you found a text from me to Don. Yeah. In our phone. It was like, you know, say it. Go ahead.

I'm supple. I'll be I'll be done. I'll be done. I'll be done. All right. No, you're you fun that you find you go on. You'll be done. I'll be done. I'll be done, all right? No, you're fun, you find you going to a phone. I'll be reading, reading, reading. I want to hear it.

I want to hear it. And just something like, hey, when are we meeting up again? And then I'm on her. That's it. So you do you just text, just say it. Do me, just say it to text, dummy, role play it. Just say your text to me. And to text voice.

I'll be the phone. Boop, boop, boop. I'm gonna get a voice. I'm gonna get a voice to text. Yes. Can I do it in a British accent? Like, what are the British voice? No, you're doing it in your shitty raspy voice.

Hello, don't, why not? We gonna get to see each other again. I'm gonna do it in your voice. Can I do it? When we gonna get to see each other again, maybe get a spot, aay. That's the worst British accent ever. No, I'm pretty good, mate.

No, what is your fucking dumb? I think he's bad. Oh, shit, that was awful. We're both in bad British accent. Let me hear you as you faggot. cigarette. What? cigarette, we're doing better stuff. All right, listen.

Now here's the thing. That's Australian person. Now it's fucking Australian. It's very Australian. It's fucking East Side London. It's getting very Australian right it's fucking east side London more Australian mate is east side London you fucking cock sucker now listen Hey corn don't fuck you call your cocks up Pay attention do you want me to to shove your balls then you fucking

ball looks broke mate come of course that fucking table and I'll beat you ass stopping down the splat mate and then I'm gonna take a fag and smoke it afterwards in your fucking mullage, Arley. Most important. You can shut up. That's what I've heard. Mm-hmm, you really stink.

And first of all, I'm gonna take that guitar behind your head. Oh, that was bad. That was bad. I felt that one. So I'll be holding your head. I took it away. That was a Yentaflone Island.

Dude, do they ever British, do they ever British muppet? I know. Oh, oh, oh. Where's the book? Oh, you got it. I love the innotted it on your fucking mic stuff. That's gonna be there for a while. I may ask you question.

If you found on, I'm gonna ask you this question to be honest with me. If you can, I don't want to fucking start an argument between you tonight, which we've known has happened on this podcast before. I think you divorced my own one. We don't get into this anymore. Okay.

Well, have she goes in the bathroom to go poop or take a shower? Let's say poop. Leaves her phone out. Right? She's pooping? Whatever. She's shower. I'm literally smashing my hand to the room.

Get the fuck out, leave bitch. You're not shitting in my house. All right. So she's in the bathroom showering, right? Do you have any more fucking hack little jokes you want to say? Yes, okay. You know me. Have you ever picked up her phone and go and tell it?

And I'll tell you why, because I know once you cross that line, I know there's no way I will pick up her phone or anybody's phone and not find something that doesn't at least bother me. It's not even some that she's done inappropriate necessarily, but something that's going to hurt me, then I'm going to cross that line in the relationship and once you cross that line, it's over. Then you just start going down that path too much.

Have you ever done that? Have you ever done that? Have you ever done that? Oh, I always do that. You do. Oh yeah, I mean, I look at my boyfriend's phone so if I have one, I don't know. And you I've done that. Oh, I always do that. You do. Oh, yeah. I mean, I look in my boyfriend's phone. So my hair went, I don't know.

And you're looking for something. Well, I'm just looking because I have always had like a secret fear. Well, it's not really a secret. I'm open about it. But I'm afraid that I'll date somebody and they are lying about who they are. And you know, I'm just looking. You check their conversations with their friends, not even like, you see it at the time.

Well, you're not checking to see if he's texting a check. Like, oh, see, fuck around. You want to like look into the way they think and talk and to see if they're really, because that's another thing. You're like Clarice and you just out to the lamp. Talk to that guy. I just read all of their emails every day.

I don't know what the big deal is. But no, I'm just looking to see if they're like fucking around if they have like another girlfriend. Like I had a girlfriend who dated a guy. She dated a guy for a year and he had another girlfriend and she was his side piece the entire time. Wow. She has a son like that too.

She was a side piece and she's thinking she was the girlfriend. But instinctually, isn't that kind of on you to know if you're the side piece that you don't side piece? That's why I'm looking through his phone. No, but if you're the side piece. The guy looking through his phone. No, but if you're looking through the phone and the way he treats you, you know your side piece.

I've been in that situation, not a lot. You're going to be side piece. I've dated a couple girls out of my league. Pretty big side piece. Back when I was hot, not now. I knew the fat joke was coming, but back back in the day. I've been I've been like I knew those is one girl Smoking hot girl like retarded smoking hot. She was actually mentally handicapped She she was just ridiculous and she had money her parents had money

She was she was dating the dude who won a Corvette dealership. Okay, he was fucking loaded. And I stepped in as the fucking whatever dude. They had like a little slip up and she hooked up with me. But the whole time I knew I was just side deck. And the only time she'd fucked me is when we're at a house, her parents house, and they would go upstairs to bed. They'd be like, all right guys, good night.

And then she'd try to ride my cock and be like, I can't, I'd be just so nervous, but that's the only way she could. The pair, oh, that would turn me on, dude. It turned me on too, but it was like, you're only, we can't fuck fuck. Oh yeah. You can't meet me and fuck me.

Like I'm the fucking side piece. But she'd go over his house, take rides in his car, and fuck you down. She'd want to be seen out with you. She was like, you come over late at night because, you know, you weren't ever gonna be- I just was out of my league. I knew, instinctually I knew, but I pretended I was. That's actually a great point because that's a trait of the side piece, right?

Like you never want to be seen out in public because I've had a few side pieces in my day. And like, you're like, I'll meet you at this place. Yeah. We're not going to really interact. Or you don't want to, yeah, you don't want to, you don't want to fucking- I have a connection. this place. Yeah. What I'm gonna really like interact with. Oh, you don't wanna, yeah, you don't wanna, you don't wanna fucking, because you don't wanna be the connection. I have a connection.

You don't want them to have that connection of like sleeping at your house, waking up the next day, and having breakfast. Fuck that. It's like, let's meet on a bench. That's all my breakfast. Let's see, let's meet on a bench.

I'm too nervous. Yeah, I was, I was okay. It was okay. It was okay. It was okay. It was okay. I should have just said it, and it would have been fun if you fucked and scared ass hole. My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my meet him on a bench somewhere, fuck around and then see I'll see you later Maybe get a cup of coffee at the French roast. I don't buy the the the feeling of going through your partner's phone I we've all done it. We've been there Kim and you feel yeah, you've gone through somebody's phone. Yeah. Yeah

No, yeah, no, no, no, you know what I'm asking you have I gone through Louis this phone. Yes, man. No look at me. I swear to God I have it. She's lying. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, email. Did you go through his email? He's gone through my email. Oh, now we're unraveling it. He texted me when I was back home with my family in Florida and he wrote, oh, so you bought your flight for Wednesday. Yeah. And then she said, have the, how do you know this? He was so creepy about it. He was like, really weird about it. You know, he told them I was buying a flight, so I don't know why he wanted to be. So then I started searching your emails and I was like, let me not do this because I'm going to find something from like fucking nine years ago when people used to communicate by email like to hook up. How about this scenario?

You look at your wife's phone or a chick's phone and you find something from somebody you know and they're being inappropriate. Not your wife or your girl, but they actually sent something to her. But she didn't say anything. Like you want to make out, well we should make out or something like that. What? It was all time to try to hook up with a woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, say you want to make out through email. This is your teacher? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, young millennials. You want to suck my asshole? I don't know what you want me to say. I said a stab challenge, just your spread asshole. That's it.

Disappears with a kissy face. Times of change. Yeah, get it bleached. You get your asshole bleached? No, no, I'm afraid. What is that the problem? You're afraid of what? I'm afraid of it hurting.

I think it's staying. Are you afraid of somebody seeing your asshole and laughing? No, I get a laugh anywhere I can. Is it because the asshole skin is darker? Because I have particularly dark asshole skin is darker? Cause I have particularly dark, asshole skin. Is that what it would be? Would that make my asshole skin lighter?

Make it lighter. And the inside of my ass crack is dark. It looks like there's shit in my ass at all times. That's how people that I'm embarrassed. She'll like you and fucking blow you in the dark. Listen, listen, why that is is because you were heavy at one point. And your asshole didn't see like any light or air

for a long time. That's not at all wayward. I mean, he's just describing it. He's just describing it. Wow, I didn't know. I was taking in. I was like, are you a doctor? That's like a cool answer.

Turns like into an elephant knee pad yeah I think I would describe my dick color is exactly elephant me Elf and me wow elephant me elephant me

great yeah it's a weird thing though because I thought I've thought about it like I'm jealous too and it is just an insecurity it's just a fucking me thing but if I caught my wife cheating on me, I couldn't leave her at this point.

I just couldn't leave. Yeah, she's okay. Some people have like open manages and stuff. I know, it's like, I have a kid, but I have a house, I have a back, yeah. I have this whole life up there that I really like. And I don't wanna, I wouldn't, I'd be like, so would you have a therapy?

What would you do? If you found Dawn cheating on you, she'd be with it. There's a fucking dude in the neighborhood. Yeah, don call in tell him now Huh, okay I said don't don't I think that's a don't call in Well first of all my wife has a kid a a four year old, four and a half. So there's no way she, and she stayed home with him 24 hours a day.

There's no way she's banging his. Oh, that's even worse than that she's banging in front of Max. No, he would, he would, he would rather out. He's a fucking rat. Yeah, I took him for a donut once. I don't tell your mother as soon as I go, ah, I got a donut. Oh, okay, that's it. I do. I had had lucky charms this morning,

and I'm eating it in front of him because he's healthy. And I think that's that, and I'm like, that, you know, it's, you're not really supposed to have this. And he's, you know, with that, and he grabs a marshmallow, it's like, I get a little marshmallow. And within a minute, we're just both sharing this big bowl of lucky charms.

And I'm just terrified he's gonna tell his mom now. He's right, he had no idea what, he was like, what is this? He has no idea what sugary cereal was. Wait till he see, wait till he's like what is this he has no idea what sugary cereal was wait till he see What wait till he's in the store and she's buying fucking Oats Cashi yeah, Cashi and he goes that and he just ratchet you out. What's up boss?

Hi red we said oats and then horse face boss Way Why would you why would you attack why would you attack him? You say I'm going to get a go I'm going to make you go I'm going to make you do my impression of your whole career I see what jerk off

Hey, I had a run roast battle last night You stink What's talking about this boss what because I know you're very jealous too What it's a first of all welcome rich boss put your headphones on so you can hear that we can Hear you right now. We can't hear you. Okay, yeah, I'm not talking in the mic. I'm talking to the mic now. Okay, okay His name is Connor Okay, what? These people to get me a coffee. Yes, absolutely. We can get you a coffee

Didn't they call you and text you if you want to want an hour ago? It's a text just say yes Yeah, but by the time I got here would be no they would have got it by the time you got here. They wouldn't went and got it I bet it would have been cold when they call it They were a go they know when you're coming you fucking how they don't I was in traffic. You're such a fucking Slime don't get a splendor I'll grab another coffee to be honest while you're while you're at if you could be nice. Can you get my laundry? another coffee to be honest while you're while you're at if you could be nice. Can you get my laundry? How did you get all these? Why is he going to take a shit? How did you get all these guests? All right, go ahead.

So if you caught Bonnie, what? I Raven? You take notes. You could do it with not. If you walk in, hang on, you walk in, you see Bonnie banging me. Can I tell you the therapy about self-esteem? I see Bonnie banging you. I think of the house which is broken ribs If she's on top bouncing You two a comics do it

Fuck girl You wanted to be equals be fucking equals I love the laundry bit. I want a fair choke by way. Let's go I'm scared of you He can't help or hurt you He might be able to get you non-covinnies, but listen You know look at I'm older I have different fans. What are you talking about? You're the fucking one who fuck I can get you stuff. You and just ask me to help you out in the business. I didn't know. Yes, you know, I said talk to the guy that won't return my call.

That two two people. Who was a guy? Pauler. Huh? No. Yeah, it was just for laughs. Oh, yeah, that too. Yeah. I started following me. Yeah, because of who? Not because of you. I called him. You you didn't call me say follow Richard on 20 I didn't say Richard I said dummy Follow me on Twitter why I did I call them I talked to them about the whole thing and I was like dude because I didn't I should you should follow me

Go's yeah, I will find out what's going on. You're out of here fucking yourself Thank you for helping me by getting me a follower and he goes, yeah, I will, I'll find out what's going on. You're out of your fucking yourself. I'm lying. I'm lying, I'm lying. Oh, thank you for helping me by getting me a follower. Anyhow, it's bad, it depends. Like if my wife... Are you walking your seer banging Lewis? Like she's banging Lewis? Like she's on Todd, and she's doing this,

and her titties, and she's laughing. Hold on, hold on. He's laughing. Slow down, this is nice. And she's like riding, and laughing. Hold on. I'm laughing. Slow down. This is nice. She's like riding and she's like, and then she whips her hair back and she sees you, but then she sees you. And you're like, you don't say anything. She doesn't say anything.

And then she just starts pumping more. Now I'm just gonna play another round of golf. Really? Yeah, what the fuck am I gonna do? First of all, he has to say what? Yeah, she's also yelling for. He has to do it. Yeah, how many inches? Right?

Sometimes it was a knock on my own deck. That's what I was trying to way. Yeah, she's also yelling for. Hey, I should do. Yeah, how many inches, right? I was, I was, it was a knock on my own deck. That's what I was trying to do. Yeah. But hold on, are you, would you really be into a guy fucking your wife? Could you like, do you like the cup fantasy? Oh, he likes it. He said no.

That's that. He really does. What if she was banging Lewis and he was wearing your hat? And my nose and my nose are talking now. What are they? She's fucking funny last night. He was fucking. I love us.

Smashes you and then just give you a hug. He's gone. But he was so funny. Of course, he's funny. Fucking nine people wrote her shit. That's it. Okay. I am.

So here, you know, look. What? Obviously, my wife would never be allowed with another comic. Okay, so that's the guy guys. No, no comics. What about an actor? They got to be white. What about a poet or somebody?

I don't mind a poet. I don't know what I'm saying. Anybody can fuck a poet. Hello, I'm on Bonnie. I'm on the park. Hold on, I'm on Bobby's on. I'll put you on speaker This is a red love. Can you hear? Yeah, Bonnie? Yes, Bonnie would get rid of the bottom of it rich. I just walked in on this

If you if you if rich walked in and you you can have you can have sex with a poet an actor Musician a firefighter. You can't have sex with another comic, just to let you know. Rose Battle Host. No, well, he isn't falling in. That's not a comic, sir. That's true, I'm saying.

So what are you saying, sir? Why are you asking? I'm just saying, if you caught boss, Bon, if you caught boss cheating on you, would you be mad? I feel sad for the girl. We can't hear you. I'll call you later. I'll start a support group. Call Colin. Say hi. Yeah. Colin, yeah. We already talked about that.

So look, here's the thing. You don't want, you know, whatever. Say it's just stupid. It's all dumb. It's just sex. I'm gonna do a read real quick. That's a mature attitude. He really just fucking do it. Well, I couldn't watch a dude fuck my chick. It would kill me inside.

I was in the fantasy, like, if I was with a chick that I wasn't with and we like couple swap But I wasn't in love. There was a feelings involved. Yes, the sexuality. I get that But once feelings are involved it would fucking like here's the thing there's a difference and I talked to old therapists and Fantasy and reality fantasies and Then if it you know sometimes if it turns into reality you not might not be able to handle that fantasy you know what I mean yeah so you

got to know obviously where to draw the line my wife's approved now back in the day you know she's approved to you yeah to the other guy she's not I gave her a nice Valentine's gift what'd you give give her? I got her one those hand vacuum's the good ones. Oh my god You bought your wife's head this 1952 Please it was expensive it's not but as you don't give it your wife a fuss I'm the clean the house with yeah back here hand back. Yeah, why don't you just give her a mop and a bucket? You have that we have Yeah, why don't you give her a mop and a bucket? We have that.

We have that. We have that. You're a fucking idiot. You're a real fucking dummy. She loved it. Anyways, all right, this is the make-up job. Is your at home? My shirt.

All right, listen, relax. Deepdiscount.com. You use it. I love it. I love it. You use it. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I hate what you were saying. I don't like your hands. I hate what you were don't I get it You're saying I use it all the time I actually just bought what was that thing I just bought? What was the one I just bought sweetie? It was called Pi the movie no what Just throw it is made of you the movie called pie It's a great movie it's an art it's an art

It's a fucking movie tiger. I saw it. Do you just call her? He's made a you the movie called pie Tiger I saw it. Do you just call her? Life of pie would have been better no pie she punched up your joke no, she didn't know because it's the same Don't even do that asshole. You mr. You say life of pie. No, I said pie know because it's the same. She didn't even do that. That's all you. Miss. You say life of pie. No, I said pie. It's a great movie. No, the life of pie. No, no pie.

What's the name of it? Pie pie pie pie pie pie. It's in our film. Bobby, that's why you haven't seen it. Yeah. Like an actual pie. Was that a country joke? I like that.

I did discount.com always offers extra saving to our fans. And all February long long you can save additional 15% when you enter YKWD 15 at checkout the 15% off your order of TV shows movies music and more I just got the I don't know where it is Mike had it up I don't know what I just what's it called what was it it was what was it why your it's this we I don't know what it is. I just ordered it because it's this, it looks like Thor, but it's not. It's you're.

You fell for their marketing trick. No, it's an old. It's a not off. It's the rip off Thor. It's a 35 year old movie. It's just a 40 year old movie. But have you ever seen those movies? Yeah, there was this movie called The Ovengers.

I didn't even know what it was. If you remember, there's a, there's a, there's where you click on it. You're. Oh my God. It looks like, it looks like he, man. Yeah, it looks like bootleg, If you remember that there's a that's where you click on it your oh my god It looks like it looks like he man. Yeah, it looks like bootleg cone in the barbarian This is literally a rip off of Thor. This is this movie is designed to get dummies to click on a black Accident the hunter from the future, but it's eight it's eight bucks plus

Type in YKWD 15, it's another 15% off. I could not though. I have to watch this movie. It's yours. I have to watch it. Zero. Yours is yours. I had to watch it.

You can't get on Netflix, but it's worth watching with friends. You're that so terrible. Yes. You go see right now. 5,000 of choices without spending a lot of money. For instance, you can use my code and save on great titles and TV shows and series like Star Trek, Twilight Zone, great movies including back to the future in Jurassic Park. Get these in more uncut commercial free watch when you want. You'll find new releases too. Daddy home too. Daddy's home too. Now the first one I'm going to say this.

The first one I was like this is going gonna be stupid. It's Mark Wahlberg It's fucking will Farrell. It's I'm done. I actually watched it on plane. It was real funny daddy's home It's daddy's home to it's well Farrell Farrell whatever and Who's sweetie? We are what are you offended about what I called her sweetie? Not at all. I think she asked me for a lock of my hair on the phone, so he needs to relax. That's a bondiobe thing. Calm down, what?

What? Are we doing what we want to talk about those things? She goes, you need anything, and I send a lock of her hair. Why? Because I bruised off that home. Oh, you were a witch, that's fun. Me too.

Me too. Who's using a beautiful thing? A vodka. Who's your IP and fucking do a longer finger? Your p&race car driver on the Kelly That's calling common McKelley Comic yeah, he's a comic from Israel if I'm Israel. No, he's for a look outside of this Jew got me Why don't you just call me what you want to call me landlord? Yeah.

Daddy, Daddy's home too. Will Farrell and Mark Wahlberg joined John Lithgow and Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson's back, my way. He's such a daddy. He's my favorite daddy. He's in the sequel. Get your copy for a great prank. I know exactly.

I just like his political. Deityscout.com. Be good to yourself. Buy your favorites. Support my sponsors. Click on deepdiscount.com. Be good to yourself. Buy your favorites. Support my sponsors. Click on deep discount.com on my homepage, riotcast.com slash Robert Kelly. This way you will, they will know that I sent you. You're my fans. So you want to support this podcast. That's all you do. Go to riotcast.com slash Robert Kelly and YKWD15, code, en checkout para extra-savings.

¡Vosso cuando quieres! ¡Vosso ahora! ¡Gracias, desca! amorcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Carifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. What why me to take my anxiety medication is 7.30 It shows it's 7 was But I'm taking them over next for next Monday Tuesday my next Monday Tuesday I already took a colon seven fuck show It's called a hundred percent blocked Monday night and heart throbbing comedy on Tuesday night. Go ahead. What? Nothing no wait, I gotta get Bobby the band in it. No, no jokes. No wait, hold on, I gotta get Bobby to the band dinner. No, no jokes. No, they weren't.

Those were jokes. Back to the name, pull it up. Pull up. It's those are the names of the shows. Let me say. Those weren't shitty Conquan Heart Attack jokes, both of them. Well, they are, but they're also the names of the show. That's just very true, Kate.

Ooh, it's making me angry. Oh, look at that, comedy, Salah Vagas. When is that opening? April. Wow. Comedy, Salah Vegas. What is that opening April? Wow Comedy Salah, you book me there I own I own some percentage. No, you don't you bought it. No, I just you allowed the leader. I did listen Shitty joke take the bin. Oh, it's right about, I'll call this right now. Bet me, bet me $100. Oh.

Ah, bet me fruity pebbles. I should, I should, I should. One of them is Bobby. What? What does it say? 100% blockage, suck my dick, you owe me 100 bucks. I ain't bad. Well, I'm bad.

How about fruity pebbles? I'll give you 100 bucks if you can find it. He's dead. I got it, I got it. That's hard. Yeah, but I'm afraid you'll try to wear it. I feel like we're all trying to pace ourselves. We're like, we're like, we're more Norman and Joe Liss. Like we're quick and quick.

It's like slow down everyone. Yeah. Let's just relax a little. Yeah, let's give the girls a shot. Yeah, girls. You're fucking fat. I don't know. That was just mean.

That was just mean and unfunny. This has like the perfect girl for fucking Lewis. You're a fucking MO, isn't it? The last three girls you did it were real twats, Lewis. Why, at least this one's hot. Jesus. Wow. Thank you.

Thank you. Wow. What do you compliment her? Yeah, it's true. My God. Take it. Whatever. I don't think that if Rich Vos caught his wife banging somebody, I think you'd be very upset.

I think it's what it is. Cry. Yeah, when my mom died. It's okay to cry. You can cry. You can cry. It's okay to cry. You don't listen.

I want you on stage. And a man has his third death. You two do not know. Let me tell you something, Rich Voss. He is not emotionally connected to anything that means he needs That's not true boss really loves Bonnie. That's like the one thing I see it sometimes He's like I catch him looking at his wife like he really fucking loves No, I'm not plotting no

He asked her cool to do school out of the two-covers squad telling me he's a fucking he that's the gravy train He's thinking about please write to food He's a fucking, that's the gravy train he. What's that? You can put gravy on anything. That's true. I also don't like how Italians call tomato sauce gravy. Hate it. Why? It's stupid.

It's stupid. It's gross. I don't even like Italian. I take offense to that. I'm half Italian. Oh really? Yes. I'm sorry.

I didn't know that. Hold on. 250 pounds of you is Italian. Oh, she that was mean. Half, we got it. Give me the band down. Give me the band down. I mean, what do you want us to do?

I mean, what do you want us to do? I'm proud of Lewis for doing a math joke though. Thanks. Katie's a fucking man. She's there. She's killing it. Your girl's kind of, listen. I, can you write some stuff for Kim? Listen, I, I, I, I don't know. I, I think I would be very sad if I saw him away. If you'd seen him, but I was still a lever.

I would not lever. At this point, what would be the approach? What would you say? Would you say, let's go to therapy? Let's try to work on this. Why are you cheating? I like, what would be the, what a fucking old fucking asshole?

He just sees a bag with stuff and what's in here? What is in there? It's my wife's present. Oh, that's so nice. It's so nice. It's so nice. It's so nice. It's so nice. It's so nice. It's so nice. What a fucking old fucking asshole. He just sees a bag with stuff and what's in here? What is in there? It's my wife's present.

Oh, that's so nice. It's divorced. You know she's cheating on you. Oh, that's what I'm saying. Ah, Voss, this was better than yours. Oh, that's a close up place. I'm gonna be better than everybody. You know that.

I'm just giving them a chance. Mm-hmm. Listen, I think Bombayn did as the best thing I've ever had ever. I really let you know who's the stint. What other things have you invented? I invented the flanker. I don't want to know what that is. You know when you're in a float in a pool or the ocean and you kind of go all over the place.

I invented an anchor for a float called the Flanker. Wow, that's not what I was concerned. I thought that was it was a step-dono. I'm sorry. Yes, all women. You guys jab over each other. You're saying your wife will put an anchor on you when you're on the ocean. Oh, you guys worked together. You guys worked together. You guys worked together. This way, I won't leave him because he just sits on her foot.

Wow, you really just think, you know, Valsha get married. He doesn't say anything. There's a hot one, then he just fucking sits and shits. I haven't stunk one yet. Yeah, he did. Remember, where's the bandit?

He was picking up. It's not as pinky. That was his middle finger. Good coffee. Thank you. Yeah, I don't know if I would do it. I wouldn't leave my wife. Listen. Let me just fucking get a thought of before you.

Yammer before I have to say the same fucking thought over again. You're right, go ahead. You don't have headphones on, that's why. I'm listening to you, go ahead. I can't stand you. I'll put headphones on. Please, put them on.

Like everybody else. Just a dirty, just a fact. You just, yeah, yes't stand you. I'll put headphones on please put them on like everybody else Jury do you just not yes do disinfect every time before and after the show We do what is that remember to take your anxiety medication? Yeah, thank you 730 And you're rogane. I don't you take rogane ever in my life. I put that on the back I was fucking rogane. Please put that phone back on. I was kidding. Why would you say? I've never done that. I know you're 60 and you're balding. That's why I'm not balding. I'm thinning. I'm not balding. You're really thinning. Where? Up top? Yeah. No, because I got hair spray on. If I went like that, it's thick. Get pictures of me when I had a lot of you looking right at you. Let me go to the mirror and see what I'm doing. Please don't get it secure.

Please put the hat back on. I'm so sorry. Don't wear the headphones. I didn't need to put it. You should take your anxiety medication now. Yeah, please take it. I think it's from your family. You're losing your shit right now, boss.

Stop touching it. It's getting worse. Buddy, you just made a big hole. Now we see it. I, my hair's not thinning. My hair is fucking nice, all right? Oh, fucking, I'm gonna take this from this fucking Brooklyn car. She's not from Brooklyn, no, but I told you to work. That's because she's still, she's happy there's a couch in the room.

Tell it to my hair. What do you got got Kim? Nothing. Okay. Uh, Vos, you really would tell me that fucking one thing about me and Lewis, we don't have to worry. Remember that? Remember that stage when you was losing it? You still had it, but you knew it was going. I was 16. Really? You were going ball that's 16. 17. I sort of was here. So I had long hair, really long was going. I was 16. Really, you were going ball that's 16. I had long hair, really long hair up until I was like 15, rock and roll, fuck use of color, different colors, fucking really curly, jewellery hair.

We say something. And then I cut it. One day I was like, I came in school one day, cut my hair, people were like, oh shit. And then it just started fucking going. But then when I was 18, it was like, I look sickly. It was awful. I'll bring on my rascal's picture from last night with my curly hair it's a little rascal's he started the TV show

that was a bit spanky that was in bed we got it we laughed we let him know it was by laughing yeah that was yeah that's how it grew like weird out no that's how it grew like weird out. No, that's how it grew. I look like right here. Daltry. Yeah, that's when you You kiddin' it was gross. You know how many girls used to throw fucking pussy really at that hair. Oh, yeah. Yeah, look it does look shiny Why you guys don't think that he's hot back then? I don't know My type Crank I don't know. Is that my type? Real stage name was weird out cranky with it.

If I had a flannel on and a half a beard, would you like it? Yeah. Yeah. If he had his hair in a ponytail, and he played the banjo. If I had a bun, if we would have stayed for the abacus, he also just kind of looks like a better looking version of your ex-boyfriend, Katie. Who's your ex-boyfriend? I don't want to say names. In-fin finance. Yeah, you didn't go out with him. I did what I thought you had self-esteem

I thought he was gay. I was having a hard time. What? What we dated is your dad alive my dad's alive, but I I don't get along with him I I like you and I don't want to talk shit about him, but I was having a hard time Emotional shit was a transition. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you mean no sense to anybody nobody literally ever mind your back Nobody literally ever mind your back. He's a great guy. What the fuck is going on there? Listen to me. He's a great guy.

Katie. Katie, you're very photogenic. You're a beautiful person. You're not that good looking. But no, you're better looking here. There they look like two human horses. That was the silly photo. How are you doing a horse joke?

You're looking at a mirror right now. That's a good photo of us. That's cute. That one's a good one. Yeah, that's one. Look at that. He's thinking of your brother. That one. Wow. Adorable. I don't like that guy. I like that guy. I like the end to it. It's very funny. And he's a good dude, but it was weird. It didn't. It didn't make sense. You did seem like you were too good for her. No, that's nice. They got along. It doesn't matter if their personality

is connected. That's what why did you break up? Well, she started middleing. It was it was hard for both of us, but Ian broke up with me. Really? Yeah, but it was hard for it was hard for both of us because we just, you know, our relationship was going on too long. It was like, are we gonna go? How long did it date? Like a year and a half. Whoa! Yeah.

But it was like, are we gonna move in together? Or are we just gonna each focus on ourselves? Yeah. And it was actually good because we were, I wasn't doing all the stuff I needed to do. He wasn't taking care of himself. Yeah, thank you. I don't want to talk about this I'm validizing.

So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty.

So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty.

So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. In the asshole of another man. What's uh, what's uh, did you know he was so free sexually when you were dating him? Yeah, did that bother you? No, you don't care about that bother you don't care for guys Yeah, well not while we're dating, but no, you don't care if they No, no, no, I don't care about that. That wouldn't but that bother you. I thought that other dude to my

Husband doesn't she's watch she's dating you picture me blowing you she called me like was a problem hang on go ahead Wait explain it because people who I blew rubber Kelly She's watching she's dating you picture me blowing you she called me like was a problem hang on go ahead Wait explain it because people who know I blew rubber Kelly when I first heard I'm okay on Christmas about it. Yeah, no Let me explain you blow them up or you blow no I'm gonna explain it Look at my finger stay here. I'm gonna explain it. I know you do, but you still can't hear So you should have went through his calendar then you would have felt as empty as that was I know I made you do, but you still can't hear. You should have went through his calendar, then you would have felt as empty as that was. I know, and maybe feel good.

What happened was we had a live show, one of the first live big shows we did. Why can't it be? Right cast live. Right cast live, and we had YKWD live, and it was more. Norman was there. Norman was there, Bailey J was there,

the beautiful friend of mine, the transgender porn star, and Lewis challenged her to a blowjob competition. Well, of course, Lewis challenged her. Lewis challenged her and it was actually you had to bring your you had to bring your own dick and I don't know if I can. Well hold on, that's not true because I brought that one for Yankee Swap one year. Yeah, but this is your day. You got an extra one for her. And I was like, I cleaned one for her, so she didn't have to blow the same dick that he blew.

Yeah. So, Louis, I put the dick out coming out of my pants. With clothes on one that you blew. The black one. This one. I'll be the poor, the rich one. Yeah, I got that one specifically

because that's my, you know, style deck. Your balls are really wrinkly. Yeah. And, and he, the one thing that the video is, Little thicker, that's Bailey right there. She's so gorgeous. Jesus man, she looks great.

Shout out. That's a dude. Yeah, that's a dude. No, that's a transgender one. No rich, it's 2018. It's a troll city. It's a lady. She's a dude.

She's beautiful. Okay, if you really want to give her a title, Gattie's big dissonance. And she's cool. She's also really cool. I know a lot. Later in person, she got like tiny, tiny hands. You just want to kiss her a title, Gattie's big discerning. And she's cool. She's also really cool. I love her. And later in person, she got like tiny, tiny hands. You just want to kiss her and never kick you off.

Lewis legitimately has a crush on her. I'm going to change this. And her penis is the biggest, it's just massive. It's a big scene. Nobody else was talking about that part of it. They were trying to imagine. But everybody else is wondering about it. I feel like Kim is getting really angry right now.

She's nervous. I'm ripping the cable. I know this blow job video is coming and it disturbs me so much. We can't show it. Oh, you can't show it. We're not going to show because we'll get put it off of you too. The passion and Lewis's fucking face. Here's the problem, Kim.

I want to say something. He loves the contest. Kim, here, Katie, I want to say something. We put this contest on. I put this thing between my pants and I think it's going to be. It's going to be fun. Be fun. I've never bled as many as the way I like to be gonna be it's gonna be gonna be fun. Be fun fun. I've never

I like to be blown. He literally goes He went spit Push the spit down the fucking shaft over the helmet down the shaft Weta cock and then reached in grab my balls and just fucking hot no teeth lips No, why would he use teeth? Because he's a guy he's never blown anybody. That's not true. Not after seeing you would know how to get blown anybody Anybody can blow this guy blue a guy. I was all

Three man Jim teacher said too much Here's making those sounds that latch chicks do when they blow you like. Like he was like going in on your dick. You smiling, you could see dimples like. He blew me so good that Bailey was like I'm out. She was like I forfeit. She wasn't even going to compete with him.

Look at him now. He's hard. I'm just thinking about it. So you saw that video and it bothered you. It bothered me. It bothered me. And not a lot of things like that that he does bother. I thought people would say that. I was sitting in his ass. He told me to they were playing spin the bottle and that everyone's gonna make out with

each other and I was like, okay. Yeah, so we were coming into the podcast to do spin the bottle we're all just gonna make out. She was like, cool. And I was like, you fucking kidding. You think that's what we'd be doing right now? I love to make out with you look like a brand-friar I tried the other day you pussyed out. I pussyed out you very she played chicken with you

She's too kissing is too fucking hot. That's why I fucking and and to be it you get I'd feel just a lump on the back of my head I probably just wake up in the hospital It just be the back of your head fucking hey hit me right with these my stance She'd be right next to me with a black eye and a broken wrist What happened? I think Louis got mad I'm like that. I couldn't even like if you were acting right and you went I think you got an a roll on a TV show Oh, it would literally bother me to watch you make out with a guy on the show. How about a girl? Oh, hell yeah, dude Fuck yeah, I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm all about it. I'm, fuck yeah. I show my wife, like out with a guy on the show, it would bother me that she got the show. You're like, I can do this right now.

You can do it and you're fucking into it. Yeah, why not? And if you're not into it, and if she's not into it, then fucking to come off, it's gonna stink. Man, you're into it. I mean, and I never kiss, hardly ever. I kiss her the other night. Yeah, I don't understand.

But why are you kiss her? Ah, what is it about hugging and kissing that you can't do? That was one fun? I'll hug her but from a distance I really want to know boss. I'm not even joking. I'm very very very No, when my kids, I mean I'll hug my friends all the time. I'm talking about you I want you to answer the question. I mean I'll keep my ten year all night. I know you to listen my ten you all why you answer the question. I mean, I'm okay my ten all night I know you always you always Also me a story on the boat

Hang on hold on pause pause pause No, cuz he always does this he always fucking It's great shut up. I want to know why you can't kiss your wife. I can't kiss. But why don't you We can't be a spnappin' butter on his gums. Yeah, sure I like it. I'm trying here. I know but you stuck begging for it. I'm begging. Please just fucking take it. I know we kiss We don't make out. I mean what the fuck were I make up my wife? Yeah, but you got all that's all you two got.

Hey, this is why I'm bringing it up. Because it is interesting. I trust. I'm not a very, this is why I keep a person. No, this is what I think it is. Okay. I think because I'm not as old as you, but I'm up there. Yeah.

I'm 47. And my wife's in her 40s. So now we're talking waistlines. Did you say the same thing? Yeah, because you don't have your head. I had it on right here. Yeah, but that's a dead ear. Pfft.

Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Now go ahead.

What I'm saying is, is that I think, you know, like even the thing like kissing, like sex is fine when you're getting older, but there's certain things like kissing like sex is fine and when you're getting older But there's certain things like even like finger fucking a middle-aged woman is kind of gross It's just body I know let me tell you take she takes her for a close fucking I've been doing CrossFit for three her body is smoking fucking. I know I've seen you I believe it. I see it.

She's got a great asses, all right. No, her chest hurts. She's all right. Yeah, but she's very attractive. Yeah, but I think the body is a very attractive. Yeah, I think the old people see that. Go ahead. God shut the fuck up.

I think the old you get. I think sex and kissing those intimate things that lead you in when you're younger. I think die. Well, you know what it is now. We just get a vacuum. No, it is. I think the number you just fuck. No, it's not older.

It's new because you weren't in a relationship for a long time. You met a new chick. You'd make a mother. Yes, you'd go out. It's just after a while, we're not kids like the same. Even like we've been dating for almost a year. We don't kiss the same thing. But you're never going to kiss another girl ever again. Let's like it crazy

But we when we make each other laugh, it's more fun and I'm telling you show crack me What do you mean by that? You don't think that's just gross. You think that's gross I think it's all I think you can do that Like we'll say like well Especially when we find someone we I like, like, we'll say, like, well, especially when we find someone we both don't like and we attack together. I mean, we're, we're such good friends. You still have sex? Oh, yeah. Yeah. A lot. She watched me on spanky today. What? Should you do it after you get it back? Yeah. And then I wanted to make sure the vacuum work I didn't like the visual that I did my head now

That's liquid But I got all the dust and clean to the gizz, now it's just as booger. Starting to smell like a mook. Yeah, you turn it over, you ever put dust buttons? You ever jerk off in a tub and then it rises and it's coming out, you're like jellyfish. And then when it hits you, it's like little fucking pellets on the air. Who takes a tub?

Yeah, what are you fucking punner? Who jerks off in their own bath water? Yeah, who'd you have to go, I don't, and if I get to a tub tub there's two inches of water left Fucking tub in the tub. Listen Double down a my good job, but you didn't I just oh here's what I gave Katie for Those are yours. No, they're hurt. This one's my trash already a one. I can't have another Yours right there bring that to your wife

We don't need candy. Did you get her some for Valentine's that I got a flowers in a vacuum your daughter Oh, that's right. We just I got a flowers too. I got my kid about your candy and some clothes and stuff And you know, do you guys tell each other you love each other? I tell my wife that do you mean boss? Yeah I tell you what you and Kim yeah, you say, you say it. I love you. Look at her. Say it back. No kiss. Thank you. Oh my god. I said, I said that to my daughter. I go, I love you. You can't say it. Kim. I'm just gonna love you too. Just look at him and say it. I love you too. Give me a kiss as a friend. Give me kiss. Kiss kiss give me kiss kiss kiss kiss Everybody I said to my daughter Don't you guys gonna fight later women like the back of their head being pushed yeah, but not on a podcast with

Especially with a hammer. Fucking gorilla. No, with Kim, you like when I put your fucking, I push your face on my nuts. I said, not on video in front of everybody. I said to my daughter we're having lunch, I go, I love you and she said, thank you, like that. I go, I don't rescue you from a basement in Ohio. Okay. Thank you, it's not the response.

Go, I know you do. I know you. It's not the response. Go. I know you do. I know you. My mom loves me too. Where are you? What are you like? 23? Yeah. Are you really? Yeah. You can ask your girl to arrange. No, you can't ask your girl to arrange. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to arrange. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to arrange. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to arrange. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to arrange. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to do it. No, you can't ask your girl to third boyfriend. Where do you go up? Really? You're third boyfriend in your life and you're 27. That's not a lot. No. But wait, you're a lot? Yeah. Mexican, a Puerto Rican.

I'm Puerto Rican. Are you from here or LA? I lived in Florida and I lived in LA for five years now. Okay, so you originally from Florida, what part of Florida? Melbourne, like the swamp. Really? Yeah. So you're a fucking redneck.

Yeah, I'm garbage. You're So Lewis is a fucking step up. Yeah, not a lot of money Well, they meet Ralph for the Lewis They like keep him get pregnant. You're a premium plus seats They like keep him get pregnant. You're a premium plus seats. He's the you spirit. I know someone my wife worked with the one who's on a writing gig. They said get a baby from him.

They didn't know who I was, but she goes, I'm dating. We kept it a secret for a while. You know, because we were both at, I was at the top of my game. So I wasn't sure when back when I met Bonnie. Okay. I was at the top of my fucking, so I wasn't sure. When? Back when I met Bonnie. Oh, okay. I was at the top of my fucking, I was on four fucking three TV shows. I was on fire then. I remember when you came to Boston before you were on fire as you put it.

That's why your skin looks like that. What do you mean? When you came with that hair, with that long hair, you came to... You didn't remember, buddy. ...you came to Nick's comedy stop to roll them with a ponytail, a wet ponytail. It was a wet, it was a wet. I was the hair gel. It was the curly one too.

I didn't have hair gel in my hair then. He showed up with a tank top and a wet ponytail. Oh. And it was all curly and, you weren't working Nick's day. Yeah, you walked in and you like, you fucking would just verbally bullying people. I just remember like the people that worked there

were just about to fucking throw you out. No, they weren't. Yeah, they were. I got a little ponytail. I got a little white tangerine. I got a little white tangerine. I got a little white tangerine. Well, number dominic.

Yeah, I remember dominic. He was cool. And I remember you came in all cocky. Who do I talk to with? And you were just yapping at people and people like, who's this fuck? But I did well. Who's this fuck? But I did well. Who's this idiot?

And that was back then. No, you did do good. That's something that saved you that night. You went up in that fucking retarded outfit. Like, you're on your own workout video on VHS tape called Rollus Cating. Well, it's Rollus Cating and working out. Do you remember a girl from Boston,

we's Barbara Swanson? Did you know Barbara? No. Debbie Epstein, she had two names no red hair. No, I'll say no four more times if you Know frizzy crazy. I'm just the two names was probably fine a woman with two names is enough I don't know either of the would you remember? No, do you remember the mad Russian? No, you go try to quit smoking Yes, I remember that yes, I went to the mad Russian What are you the fucking ender of conversations? Yes? No, you go try to quit smoking. Yes, I remember that. I went to the mad Russian.

What are you the fucking ender of conversations? What's the mad Russian? He's a hypnotist that made people quit smoking supposedly it works. He was also angry in Russian. I don't know why he's called that. That was a blotchick. Hold on, let me answer play on words here. No, he was from Russia. And he had, he all sat in a big circle. And

he did something to everybody and you quit smoking. And if you want, we're ready to start again, you could call him and he would re-hip my toes, hip my toes shoe. I, I, I, I, I he got it. He was so excited. He would, you, you, but you really did what you did say to him. He would, he would re-hip my toes over the phone. So you your really didn't. You did say, he would re hypnotize you over the phone. So you could start smoking again. No, quit. I mean, but if you wanted to go back, you could. If you felt like you were going to smoke, you would call them and he would do, you know, make sure you didn't go. Why don't you do the original one over the phone? Why do you have to go sit in a circle with a budget idiot like you? Yeah, it seems like

a scam. Well, I started again, but I quit, you know, whatever. When are you going to quit this dumb gum thing you do? Nick, Nick, Nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-nick-n I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it.

I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it.

I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it toenail? I know, but it looks like a fucking Frito coin chip. I got it. Oh no. I just look into the future of an old folks home.

What the fuck is going on right now? I got a dead, you have a fucking brown asshole. I got it. Yeah, and they're bleaching for that. Yes. And they can take my toenail off. Oh my god. Don't.

I have a fucking, my pinky toe, what move away from my other toe on my left foot. Oh, it's like some fucking like high-mertaotype shit. Yes, it hangs on there. Yeah, dude, as you get older, your feet, you just years and years and years of walking on these fucking feet, they just get decrepit. It's awful. No, but it's been like, it just curves it like my right foot. They're all like flushed together.

My right foot, I can open all my toes like that. My left foot, I can open them all except to pinky toe, just lay down on the floor. That's because you're half lizard. Something like that. that my left foot I can open them all except to pinky toe just lay this because you have lizard that's why you over it that's why your front hands is so small you're supposed to walk like that I don't know I tell you this I'm happy you got a girlfriend I Don't know I tell you this the I'm happy you got a girlfriend Because she's mellowed you out

a lot yeah, because you're in love now You're not first of all being a dad. You're great dad. Thanks unbelievable. Thanks doggy and then you got this girl and She's fucking crazy. You're out of your fucking mind, but she's not an asshole. She's, you know what I'm saying? It's a fun crazy. I'm like, I'm crazy like you three are crazy. Right. You're like, gosh, you're not a fucking asshole.

You're like one of us. And you've definitely been allowed. She's, she's chilled you out a little bit. She's even your keel out a little bit. Well, you're still a fucking lunatic. You still do your shit. You're not gonna blow probably a real ass dude, as you would say. He's a snake. A rattlesnake. Get it right. Do you get a long bite? You don't think she's you don't think she's settled you down a little bit? I think that being in love makes you

feel happier. I think when you're in a new relationship in particular, it's a timing thing, right? So when you're in a new relationship, you're trying to put your best foot forward at all times. And we were in a six, six months dating long distance. So it was, she was coming in every three weeks, every four weeks we see each other. You're, it's just like really, really good. So we're still in this kind of honeymoon period.

And I'm also in a transitional period in my life where like my kids having memories now. He's like aware of what the fuck's going on. So everything. What does that mean? Tell me what that means. It means that like he like you remember you sort of have memories when you're like five right four years old.

So I can't fuck up the same way. I think it's more of a time. It's also just she's mellowed me out. It's a timing thing of everything. I think she moves here at the perfect time. My kids five years old. He's starting to be aware of what's going on in my life. My career things are starting to actually work out really well,

guess it or the podcast stuff. So it's a culmination of everything. I'm just kind of a different person than it was five years ago, I want to start doing this podcast. Right. So now, you just waiting to reveal yourself in a couple months. I wish you made sure, you know, like, do you, how long have you met his kid? Have you hung out with this kid and stuff?

Yes. Like, do you like him? Yes. Yeah. He's great. Do you really like him? Yeah. Yeah.

He's really good. Yeah. I was like, I had this huge fear because Lewis kept telling me before I met him that he likes everyone. And he was like, he likes everyone. There's no one he doesn't like. He's never met a human he didn't like. And I just had this small fear that I would walk in and he would get like a sense

of what was going on. be like fuck that guy. I'll be your childhood, but your uncles and cousins did do the swallowing. I don't know. Happy Valentine's Day everybody. Oh my God, you have a fucking muppet voice. They always bumpin' voices. Oh, whoo, whoo.

That's just what a woman sounds like. They don't talk to a man. Do you get along with your ex-wife? We get along, you know. I don't know what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing.

You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing.

You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. You're doing what you're doing. I should work out. Yeah, because I invite you up the house way more. Wow. You don't want to put a leak in the house at one. You don't have to check the silverware and the fucking safe.

But my Rolex is missing. Listen. What's that? Your Rolex. No book. Rolex. I think you said Rolex. I think you said Rolex, too.

That's like a saint to like a piece of a saint's body In Catholic. Do you have a role? No, I have a bright. There's the bun cake is gone I love dude. Don't fuck up the fun cake. I love a bun cake. You love a bun. I make a good bun cake. My ex-wife You I mean I moved close to my ex-wife so I could be by my kid. Yeah, I moved two blocks away from them. Yeah. So when my after me and Bonnie had a Bonnie and I had a kid, my ex-wife used to babysit our kid, you know, because we I get if you get along with the next you know, makes it so much easier in life. We're getting in there now. She texted me some shit the other day about her and her new boyfriend and I was just like, okay, I mean we're friends

but I don't really give a fuck about like what I don't really know I don't ask me questions. Please pipe. You don't know. I wouldn't. Has my son Colin daddy? I wouldn't introduce my kids to any girlfriends unless I knew.

Well, that was it. My son had never met another check. Kim was the first girl that he's ever met ever. And it was because, because, because, because, because of the wonderful thing he does. Did it, did it, did it, did it. No, because, you know, he's like, he's a, they don't understand. They're not at an age being three, four years old to understand all these different

people coming in their lives, having affection. It's a very strange thing, so you don't want them to get attached. And I don't know, I also did, you know, on the other side of it, I also don't want my son's mother just introducing him to any fucking dude. Any black guy, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, so we, you know, we kind of made a commitment that, you know, we'd have a conversation about it. And we're, dude, I'm telling you right now, we've had this conversation recently. I don't fucking really know what I'm doing in that. This the first time I've ever introduced my son to another check and I'm co-parenting this regard to something that's very new and there's all of these different trans

of thought online. If you blog the blog, they're going to tell you different conflicting information and you really have to know your kid, know the relationships that you have and block the blog. The thing or do you read the blogs? Blog the blog. Blog the blog. Did you just make that up have and block the blog the thing or you read the blog blog the blog blog blog blog blog to blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog the best advice is the least you've by more you get along with the more stable he'll

grow up with the tension and the most obvious advice. Oh, no, no, no. Listen to me. If you don't fight and you treat your kid well, you will grow up. This is very good. I'm sorry. Listen to me.

The best advice. Come to me. I'm sorry, boy. Listen, the best advice I give you. If you don't hit your kid and you treat your wife for it. Because one thing I tell you, what goes up must come down. Let me tell you something, right now, if you're good to him, you'll be good to you.

And if you're bad to him, he will be bad to you. You want a suitable girl. Let me tell you something, if you eat that pie, it will be gone, and you will get back. Take it from me, my favorite movie. Come on. Go back. Hey, go back. Hey, doing good.

That was good. That was a good role. Listen, it was. You kept trying to fucking spelt you a little. No, I saw. No idea. Why is that white dick so much bigger than the Puerto Rican? Because it has a job. Because it's real. The Puerto Rican is on a big dick.

Oh, I didn't realize. No, they don't. They don't. They don't. And they're brown and weird looking. Why do you? He's my first Puerto R big dick. Oh, I didn't realize. No, they all they don't. They don't and they're the brown and weird looking. What do you think about it about his Puerto Rican dick? Yeah, it was bomb man. Were your other two like I'm so nice and glad you're represent gonna be gross to pull that skin down and beans. No, I'm not. No, you're talking about your beans. Bees follow full of beans and right fucking just

Just hearing ting ting ting Beans hitting tile I The subject what's what's something? We haven't had one cool. He's thought on this podcast. Never there's no topics Sometimes you just change people's lives no direction you never know did God that fucking movie would Denzel Denzel Washington is the- Philadelphia. No, the- That's a great movie.

That's a great movie. What fucking movie? The new one that's out, something Israel, uh, look it up. The bone collector. Ah, ah, ah, ah, this one. His new movie, he's so fucking good. What movie if- There's no movie.

His new movie. What are we on the view? What are we on the subject? I don't know, I was just kidding. The subject. I mean, are you captain obvious again? Dude, Denzel is such a guy. I know what I'm saying.

Let me tell you something. Lewis. Lewis. No one is saying this. Listen to me. Lewis. He is a good listener. His movie, he's good at it.

He's underrated. You have to say this. If you raise your kid with happiness, he will be happy. That's what you have. Most important thing I could say to you. All you have to do is show your kids attention and affection and they'll grow up to be good kids. Attention and affection.

I'm glad you're switching up. What is the movie? The new one. It's the monkey and it's the new one. No. Didn't know what you're doing. That's Kevin Hartley, racist. Roman J. Israel.

I used to like it because it's fucking Israel, isn't it? Yeah. It's he so fucking good. Yeah, he's good He's a good actor. Why how are we going from Valentine's Day? I like movies. I like movies. What is it? What am I? A fucking Nickelodeon? Did you see the Florida? What's that? The Florida project. So good. I didn't even watch the whole thing. I just

I didn't see the end. I needed to finish it. I had to leave it. What is it? It's so good. These are osc. Shut up. You can buy all of these undue. This is so good. Thank you, Gabby. You can't use this.

You're like seven years old. I think the license can be a little expire. Can I just tell them you can't just bring up. What's that? I, uh, and then, No, these movies. You're like, She goes, projects and then everybody listen to

is going, what the fuck are you talking about? The Florida project. She's going, oh, so good. He's going off great. Oh so good. Yeah, you're not a bus fuck It's called the radio show be descriptive have a conversation we can all understand adjectives. Yeah What is it? We want to bus should be more listeners? Kim what is it? Yeah, it's a movie about you you know, Florida garbage family and this little girl that grows up with the King Kongen story. She's so good. She's so young. She's so good. She went up and she told the cast, let's all get ice cream after this. It was so cute. The rest of the cast was like we lost you idiot. They also all molested her on set. So

Yeah, that's not it. It's really true. It's not a joke. You don't have to be low. That's why she got ice cream. Kim, you can be That's a real thing. You can't go from this is so cute ice came to she got molested. I'm sorry. It's too much of a fucking drop off. I'm sorry I'm sorry. You got us up here thinking you're it's cute ice game and then you Yeah, and in her intermediary like the ice cream was really bad this thing she was really what you don't want to get an Opportunity to be on the view one day and then this molestation Joe comes up and you're gonna be in loose gonna go who cares You know who she is. I hope this girl did get molested just so I'm not wrong Good point. And it's just a fact.

She found a way out. Good for her. I'll give them a last that girl, just so Kim doesn't ruin her opportunity on the view. Thank you, baby. Why are you giving her a lovey baby? Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Let's station all kisses.

After the fact. Oh, you taste like baby powder. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God like baby powder. Oh my God. Have you seen any good movies, Bobby? I have not seen any. Have your audition go today? Not good. No, how to go.

You know, the one thing I do, and you forget sometimes you do auditions, is that you have the script. You feel like you need to be off book, and you need to have it. And if you don't, and that pressure will fucking crush you when you're sitting in that room with a bunch of actor actors, and then you go into that other room with a camera and some lady in a dude, and they're like, hey, and they ask the same thing. And then it will crush you. Then they take your clothes off.

And then you take your socks out on tape. Oh crush you. And then it'll take your clothes off. And then you take your socks out on tits. I'm like, I don't have tits. I'm like, what do you do? He was just like, dishing for to be the fuck, oh, forget it, go ahead. I stopped.

It would have been mean. I, what I, a few years ago, I watched these, I started watching actors' auditions for like, roles. You know, like, how he got this role. And you see them just in a room with a t, but they have the script. And they're acting like, who have the role, and you see them just in a room, but they have the script, and they're acting like whoever the fuck,

who you Jackman say? And he's acting to get the role as fucking Wolverine. And he looks at the script, till actually have the script and use it, and I'm like, oh shit, I forget that I can just look at the fucking script. And act, so I've been doing that. It gives you more confidence, yeah, I'm with you.

It gives you more. You wanna be off the book, but you still have a conversation. You wanna be off the book, and you. So I've been doing that. It gives you more confidence, yeah, I'm with you. It gives you more. You want to be off the book, but you still have the conversation. You want to be off the book and you have the script right there and you can just peek at it and keep that flow going. Because if you fucking for one second, the whole thing tumbles away. I did audition like two weeks ago and this was my note because almost always they give you a note

and then they tell you to do it again because they want to show you to take direction. Help your girlfriend's career. What was a note? They go, it's the worst note you could hear. He goes, yeah, just try to do it less tense this time. And at that point, you're like, and you get more tense. And then it's like, all right, I didn't get that. You have to keep an openness, though, because you though, because they wanna see how you follow the note and then we're like, you do it.

That's really what they're trying to do is they wanna see if you can follow direction. You can't just like yourself, they'll be like, well, I didn't get it. Yeah, I mean, I don't think they're testing you. I don't think they're trying to see anything. They're like, look, try it again. Don't be so nervous.

Well, try it again. And when he says that, when they give you these notes, they're trying to, they like you and they're trying to get you into where you need to be for the tape to present to the director. Yeah. And that, because that's, that's the job. I always listen to these people like literally the same guy like 15 times. They keep on calling me back.

It means they like you, you know, which is, I never book anything. I, I, I actually walked into a room for, uh, billions for this great part. And I was so excited about it. And I get in the room and I just about to start and I look behind me, there's this huge window, just like this courtyard behind this in this office. And they were doing work. And as soon as I started talking, a jackhammer started going off. And I started screaming like like I said a repeating, because I couldn't hear myself. So I just started repeating, and I fucking just panicked,

and everything fell apart. And I'm like, should I ask to do this again? It's just not happening. I just left. I've actually asked, can I do it again? And people said no. I don't really, I don't want you to do it again. One time I asked, and I I said I need to do that.

I go over because I fucked up and then she was like, no, you're good. And the producer Frank Frank Lupo, the guy who and he wrote the 18 and Hunter. Remember back those shows back. Yeah, 26 year old girls remember those shows back. I was kind of looking at you. I looked that way.

And then I looked over here to young two young two old Lou. You remember those three stations? Who on TV's weighed 800 pounds? Yeah, Frank Lupo. He was the biggest motherfucker in the world back in the day. 18. He gave Mr. T as big break. He actually said, you know what?

Let him do it again. I know and really wants to ever get it right. So let him do it again. And then I booked the part. Whoa. So if you have balls, it can work out for you. But most of the time they'd be like, we're good. I reject you even harder. I went in for the head of casting for Fox.

And I sit to my agent at the time. This was right after I asked him. And I, in it, whatever. I had so much anxiety. It was the worst, second worst in my life. And I sit to my, I can't go in today. This goes, you'll be fine. So I go in and I'm, you could see the sides shaking in my hand.

They called my manager and said, we never can see him again. What? What? And that is a story of Rich Boss's career. No, I listen, here's, you know, it's no, but I understand it. Last night, I got this audition yesterday and that's when they come.

And for some reason in my head, I want five days. Yeah. It's never happened. It's eight pages tomorrow 11th, 30. Eight days, yeah. Sometimes you get it the fucking morning of. Yeah.

Well, not me, I'm not the best. There's no way I can, you better memorize it. I'm the guy who wants to fight. No, I got a club, I got a club get me to fuck. Dude, I've got only audition the night before. I have a number of sending sides and I got the sides of the morning. No, of course. I know, I've got most of the time.

There. Most is your day too. But you never had to memorize it. I have 16 pages I've had. Get the fuck out of here. Here's the problem with this. I'm the same. 16 pages.

Of course, absolutely. 16 pages a night. No, it take me a year. I wouldn't even go to the audition. No, it's all confidence. It's all all you didn't get it. It's all Not getting it memorizing the lines Get him Kim I did two voices just go through my head

Gabby want to speak up? I feel like an audio version of Friggle Rock. No, my point is that memorizing is, all is memorizing is confidence. What happens is, the reason why you can't memorize is because you think you can't memorize it. It's too much shit and your brain shuts down. If you just spaghetti read it, if you read, there we go.

If you read it. Just don't, just don't, just put your kid glasses on. There's no way you're doing a sheet. There's no way you're doing a sheet with six pages. You just said there you go and left it. You can't. It's so worth. It's so worth.

I know, but it was perfect. It was literally a perfect fact. There's no way they're doing a sheet with were doing 16 pages without cutting, without fucking cutting. In a, Oh, a question in a movie. So, I know that. Yeah.

Well, they don't, they've never been on a set. Hey. Yeah. I was talking to them. I'm on union. I've, No, I'm not saying one, I've, no, no, no, no. Plus, I'm not saying one scene, 60,

it's not Shakespeare, I'm saying that it's 16 pages to memorize, maybe five different scenes, which to me is ridiculous. I would never do it. One fucking scene to go in and see, or maybe one or two scenes that are small, and you can memorize them and have enough time to fuck with them, make choices and go in.

When they give you that many scenes, you're fucked. You want to do something? That's all, look at how much work I had to do last night for free. It's a job. I have to fucking leave my family, go out, work on this shit for hours, wake up, work on it again, go into the city, pay for parking, go into the thing, probably 90%, not gonna get it. To be fair, you're doing all those, it's a part, it's all, I look at it like,

say that's right. It's time to just practice as part of it, but you're gonna book, it's a ratio. You're gonna book one out of however many auditions you go on, right? So that's all up, when you do a sales job, you don't go, oh, I got another no, fuck, you go, no, no, no, I close one out of five people

that enter my office. That's part of the process, that's part of the debt. Here's how you get, I mean, for me, I close one out of five people that enter my office. Here's how you get the part of the process, the part of the day. Here's how you get, I mean, for me, you get jobs from friends or people who know you. So that's everything I've ever gotten is from somebody who saw me in something else and used me for what they were doing and knew that I could do the job.

As far as acting goes and auditioning, auditioning is a thing that I believe you should do because it's a terrifying thing. Like you said worst last night. I wanted to call my agent and go I I was gonna fake the flu I'm 47 and I was gonna I wanted to call Huki from school You're not faking the bugger that's been hanging out of your nose the whole show that side No, the other one that side. There's a fucking bugger I see it hanging on your nose. You want me to do Shakespeare for you? Go ahead. I want you to die like him. I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna die. I feel like when you breathe out, like wet booger comes down. I think your fucking stone. Maybe. I am. I'm stunned. I'll do Shakespeare for you. I don't think you have a booger.

No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I comes down. I think your fucking stone. Maybe I am. I'm stunned. I'll do Shakespeare for you. I don't get you to look like a booger. No, no, no, you know, I'm crazy. God, do Shakespeare. That would have been great if I had a nice stone.

Hold on up. Series most bounteous slate-y. Oh, too many asses. I know, I'm not slowing on this one. No, I'm not doing it. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, I'm not doing it. Come on. Go ahead. Rich leaves of wheat.

We ride barley oats and fetches. Fetches. I don't know. That was from the tempest. I got I was in a play by Quay. Um, I could do one. Spurn me, strike me, repair me, abuse me, only give me leave. Unworthy as I am to follow you

Well, what's it said to you in yeah, yeah, it's my it's my um, that's my brand well you do a monologue You have like did you go to acting class and stuff mm-hmm for real how long I have a theater degree From what's what college your butler university oh speaking of butlers Ah, yeah, he couldn't get in. Oh you may so you have a green act of heavy book Oh, speaking of butlers. Yeah, he couldn't get in. Ah, you may. So you have a green act of heavy book. You go on auditions. I go on auditions.

I went on an audition last weekend. I went in and the guy goes, you have a lot of hair. And that why will you make it? Will you naked? Just I was wearing a sweater. I was wearing a sweater. I was naked. That was great. Can you remember lines quick?

When I was in college, we did a special exercise. I have like this old Russian teacher. My acting teacher was Russian. Have everyone sit in a circle and you would say, like for two hours, we would do this. I'm gonna go on a trip, I'm gonna pack this. Next person would say, and I'm gonna say, say, so you're gonna camp a trip and I would bring an apple.

You'd be even gonna get a crack and die. I am. We're gonna go on a camping trip and I'm leaving you. So, I'm gonna camp a trip and I'm gonna go on a camping trip. I'm gonna go on a camping trip and I'm gonna go on a camping trip. I'm gonna go on a camping trip and I'm leaving you. So, I'm gonna camp a trip and I'm gonna go on a camping trip. I'm gonna go on a camping trip and I'm gonna go on a camping trip. I'm gonna go on a camping like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,, you know, acting with a friend or, you know, just exploring it like an open time. I think the best way to memorize lines is to spaghetti read which every... What's spaghetti read? It's you read it with you. It's your each spaghetti. I'm gonna say you're already here. He did the joke 10 minutes ago.

But you don't have your headphones on so you didn't fucking hear it. I'm sorry. I took them off for a second. I know you did. And your hair looks weird now. I'll go look at it. No, I'm kidding. It looks great. It looks great.

All right, listen. What, spaghetti readings when you read, I'm glad he left for this, because he's never booking anything acting while he's. Can't say spaghetti. It's, yeah. Gabby just said you can't say spaghetti. I played fucking Lenny Bruce on American Dreams.

If you want to pull it up and watch the fucking scene, it's amazing. Okay, go take a piss off. Fix your hair. It's when you just read it as fast as you can. So you, you, you, you, you, mild their lines, you say your lines as fast you can. Oh, you get somebody to read with you and you just fast 20 times. And if you do that, you'll memorize the lines. It would just be because your brains, if you're seeing it, it's just

the way your brain works. If you're reading the text, if you're seeing it, reading it, and you're not trying to act, and you're just saying it over and over and over again, your brain will just have it. Also, there's different ways of people learn. I'm a kinetic learner. No, that's really way. It's a little bit...

Okay. Okay, yeah, I believe you. You learn the people that learn through auditory means or visually, I learn physically, kinetically, right? Yeah, you're so choked people. I have to actually hit a woman in order to entertain any memory in order to come. Yeah, no, I have a Valentine's day. No, but what I do is if I have to memorize lines, I have if I physically write out all the lines, like two or three times, I'll have everything memorized. I do that too. But can I say though the thing

that you're when you when you focus on memorizing, then you still have to take that other time to make all those choices. Like, I'm going to say this, like, if you do it all at once, you do the exploration, the big exploration for like, explain yourself again about that. Like, when I have a like audition, my process is I'll take the script and I'll like visualize the environment that I'm in and I'll visualize the person that I'm with and I'll work on it for like a couple you know okay I'm getting dry. What? Why are you thinking of Ian again? Stop with Ian, leave my mind. Come on. I like the same thing.

Go ahead, keep going. Just try the worker. My podcast is like a, it's like a test, it's like a Navy SEAL trade. Okay, so you're practicing like on your own, right? Then you have another person, you practice with the other person, you just try it different ways, and then you'll just have it memorized just from doing that. I'm talking like four hours, like four hours. Oh yeah, of course, four hours. Or another way is like if you don't,

for the set of memorizing the words, you just kind of say, all right, I understand what I'm saying here like let's say there's actual specific lines And then you go like all right. I'm really just saying I want her to go to the store with me So you kind of say your own way. Oh, yeah, paraphrasing. Yeah, once you understand A pair of phrasing Lewis. I've ever heard of it. Yeah, but some kind Don't get physical She's not a stripper See that She's not a stripper

For the only listeners I just spun her chair away from the table Verbal you get to me just to physically grab One second don't side fucking do that We're in the middle of a conversation. I didn't know. This how old Voss is. We're not talking about movies. He goes who produced our show last night? We're literally talking about a whole other time. He's spudder around.

Yeah, because she made him feel dumb and he feels dumb, he gets violent. Yeah, that much for you all day long. He's fucking hitting people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, my life, yeah, he is a fucking Nickelboard.

What's that? Kim Lewis put his hands on me when you're in the bathroom. I did not. I took her chair and I spun it away from the microphone. What's a Nickelboard? It's a pet, I don't know. Is it? It was a car for Puerto Ricans.

Kim is a fucker. That's it. Anyways, all right. Listen, we're going to wrap this up. Oh, no. We have a show. What is the show that we're doing? Oh, it're gonna wrap this up. Oh, no, we have a show. What is the show that we're doing? And then that one.

Every time I say, Oh yeah, take your medicine. Oh,'t need it. I never had a casting director say you're a hairy freak. You said I'm saying never come back. All right, we're gonna wrap this. Let's watch. Let's watch. Let's watch. I will read to all right, we have one more. Let me see the read and then we're gonna watch his Bruce thing. And I didn't know this. What is this? They gave me the part. Who is it?

Oh, I like Zip Recruiter. Are you hiring anybody hiring in a business? I really am. I know you are. Every business needs great people, Lewis, and a better way to find them. Something better than posting your job online and just praying for the right person.

Can I say this? Cause Zip Recruiter does actually do ads on guest digital and we legitimately use zippercruder in order to hire We use them here. I'm not fucking around. It's incredible And I'm not just reading or I don't pay shit for this. We use it and they you will get extremely qualified people Nonstop just coming to you. It's better than Craigslist better than any newspaper ads I've done every type of advertising for employees over the past 15 years. It's incredible. I really mean that.

I'm not supposed to do that. They have a smarter way. They built a platform that finds the right job, candidate for you. Zippercruda learns what you're looking for, identifies people with the right experience and invites them to apply for your job, which is incredible.

In fact, 80% of the employees, Lewis, I don't know if you know this, who posts on Zip Recruiter, get qualified candidates in just one day. The right candidates are out there. Zip Recruiter is how you find them. And you could like subdivide by race and religion, so you don't have to hire. Listen, they don't let you do that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that zippercuter.com slash what dude, zippercuter.com slash what dude, free. You're in, there's the camera, I'm looking at the wrong one,

fuck I'm getting old. Zippercuter, a smarter way to hire. Can I, can I tell you something before you want to just, we're trying to find a babysitter, which we had, I went on the web site, care.com. Have you used it? So now I've never grown up,

we didn't have all those dating sites and stuff. So I'm going through the list, I'm thinking this is like a dating site Yeah, you know, I'm looking at the babysitter. I'm gone. We did all this last week rich did we yeah, you talked about it last We found somebody great But I would much rather a hot baby even my son's mother said that we would rather a hot young 20 year old babysitter Then some fucking brunhilde bitch. Oh, yeah, you don't have some bitch, better bitch than no one fucks. It's like, yeah, you don't want your kid to like,

respect women that aren't high. Yeah. No. No. So why, I told you, I told you, well, we found somebody. That's awesome. That's so insane.

I get nervous, we had a couple hot ones and it was too much for me. Cause I was, I was just praying that their car broke down when we got back. I was like, my car's not starting. Well, my husband will give you right home. Give you your right home. There's literally a back. I was like, my car's not starting. Oh, my husband will give you right home. Get me right home. Get me right home.

I'm like, no. Call the babysitter and it's like a whole community where the dad start fucking all these like teenage babysitters. What's the movie called? It's called The Baby. Should we give it on? And that was, can we get it on deepdiskout.com?

I mean, these dudes do it. Dirk, can you probably get the babysitter too? Wow. Yeah. I mean, look, that's a pretty hot fantasy. Well, I'm getting so creeped out. I used to babysit a lot. Oh, yes.

Oh, you babysitted four. Could you imagine her being your babysitter? Oh, dude. Oh, too hairy. Wait, no, we have so much fun. I don't want to run my babysitter. My hair will be all over your apartment. Shitting all over.

All right, let's go to my date real quick. Where am I, Michael? That way, you're going to watch. We're going to watch it. Let me run the show. Just sit back and relax. I like what you're doing. OK, thanks. I'm going to close up the show. It's going to my date real quick. Where are my Michael? No way you're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch it. Let me run the show. Just sit back and relax. I like what you're doing. Okay, thanks. I'm gonna close up the show.

It's gonna take around 20 minutes. It's not gonna take five seconds. We're gonna go my dates and then go to your thing, all right? Make sure you go to my dates. Fact by pussy cat. I'm at cajonus this week. A cajonus musical. You've been cajonus musical.

Where the fuck is it? Gohanus. Gohanus. I'm sorry, I'm staring at two Puerto Ricans. Gohan is. Gohan is. I'm sorry, I'm staring at two Puerto Riggans. Gohan is. I this weekend, Uncle Vinnie's February 24th. How did you get that? And I'm at the Mystic Lake Casino with Mike Fini, March 2nd. It's three. Yeah, Fini, that little like too cute. Go ahead, just guy. And I'm me and Rich Vos. I want to say this right now.

Scroll down to this great gig that we're doing. Shakespeare. Whereas a Westbury right there, June 1st, all the pre-sale was gone in 45 minutes. They're all gone. The first 45 minutes all gone. Where's Westbury? Westbury's in Long Island.

Westbury music fair. Westbury food fair, music fair. We're doing the show with WBAB. I'm opening, it's pretty cool. And it is gonna be huge. Tickets are gonna go. So get your tickets now. Go to my website, go to Rich's,

you're on the website. I'm gonna post it on gomscomedy.com as well, my link. And then, and then, you know, I'm on the show. I'm on the show. Bobby. Bobby. We don't need you. You told me that I'm on the show. They said that they're, they said I'm on the show. Bobby. Bobby. We don't need you.

You told me that I'm on the show. They said that they're doing the show now. I'm actually doing the show. I literally didn't know what goofy bitch that came from. It was you. I was looking for who's mouth was talking. I'm on the show, guys. If you want to come out with a sparey music called

Me Opening Up, it's really a triple headliner night, triple feature. I'll be, I'll give the respect to the older gentleman. We'll go a triple headliner night, triple feature. I'll be, I'll give the respect to the older gentleman. We'll go by age, kind of like Candyland. I'll be opening up these two fucking guys are going to be closing it out. Listen, who's closing? You were rich. Who's, who's actually Roger? Listen, Roger and JP, they're doing their comedy ride. They did it seven years ago. It was the last time they did it. They did it for a bunch of years, sold out the place, great shows. They stopped doing it. They're bringing it back.

Me rich vibes inspired them to bring it back. So the comedy ride at Westbury, June 1st, tickets are going. Get the tickets now. And you go to where Michael? Dormus Comedy dot com. No, no, please don't go there and grab your tickets for it. That way, what is it?

Go to the theater at Westbury dot com. You can go to Robert cancarnleylive.com or Rich's website as well. Rich doesn't have a website. You're right. It's under construction. Look at that, fucking. I gotta go.

You remember Rich's first website, he was so proud of. He had little bobbly rich heads at the top. I don't know. It was the worst. We all had these great websites. Rich's like, look at my new website. There's just his head bobbling like this.

This one's pretty good. All right, okay. What do we got for it? Let's watch that thing before we go to Rich's set. Let's watch this. Let's just say, and let's see how good you are. We're gonna now stop. Here's the deal. We're gonna critique it.

We're all gonna critique it at the end. I'm gonna go around and I'm gonna ask Katie. I'm gonna ask Lewis and then Kim, I'm gonna ask you. Or maybe if you go, Katie, Kim, Lewis, just so we end on a high note. And then he, I mean, you can spotty on the show, but listen. So we're gonna watch it, then we're gonna critique it, all right? And you guys will be on to the two.

Here we go, no volume. Always into saddle if you know what I mean, all right? Show, he's had to be on top. Like I was some kind of horse or something. You know, that's right. Women like to be on top. That's sunny, Bruce. What about you?

You like the top? Or you more to that traditional garden variety sex. They let you do your actual act. I don't think you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You have to be a couple times a day. It goes back and forth. You have how much to state, what is this?

Wait, take the enemy. It's something like a montage. I don't want to watch a montage. Take one minute. This is long. I'm losing listeners as we speak. I'm going to scan up to the fucking... I want to see a message.

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The little thing music over your acting. The director was like we need a sound bet over this joke. Just throw a montage in there. There's Chinese people. There's a pool. They put anything else in there besides you Beachfall a pool a dancing and people making out in a pool Was that your acting real First of all boss you didn't knock it out of the park You just did you just did what you do every night you right you have a crowd laughing at you and two ladies annoyed with you. There's not a stretch that's pretty much what you do.

I know. You sit there leaning, fucking what do you do? You're all you've lost it. What would you do? I remember that's before I really knew you. That was fucking great. As said in New York, yeah, go to bosses. What do you got for dates besides June 1st at West Perry?

That's going to be big. June 1st West. What do you got for dates besides June 1st at West Perry? That's gonna be big June 1st West because it's this So next week and next week and not this week and next week and I'll be at Harrisburg comedy zone. What is that club like? It's not bad. I just do it's two shows. I do a door deal. It's great. One that like we don't need to tell people that I'm really doing one one a night. Just nothing. Let's people know the fucking details. Why not? A door deal is great. Yeah. No, I'm just saying it's just unnecessary.

I just did one of the things. Lafactory? It's great. I know. Awesome. Made way more money than I would have ever voted the whole week. Woo. Way more money.

And so I got Vegas. I got Arizona coming up on my website, richfoss.com. But also, we did a theater the other night, me, Bennington and Florentine, and we're doing another big one. It's on a theater. It's, me, Bennington and Florentine, and we're doing another big one. It's on a theater. It's a restaurant. It's 500 cedar. I know, but it's a restaurant. No, no, no, no, what they did, I found out what they do. I'm doing a sub-bara. But I'm doing the same gig in October. I know. Listen to me.

I have a restaurant with a hundred. Stop giving me the fucking Italian face. They have a restaurant with a hundred fifty cedar. Yes. In the summer, they have a big tent outside. My computer. My computer. They have another structure. She takes fear in the park. It was the same thing.

First of all, if 500 people are watching, I don't give a fuck where they are. Just what making, whatever. No, it's incredible. I'm just saying you can't use a word that is a thing, which is a theater. It's just a picture. No, I didn't say this was a theater. I didn't say this was. No, you said you said you did. You said you did.

I think a robot. I'm pretty sure she was made in Brooklyn by two gay couples. Those are my dad's. That's June 16th. That will be somewhere. All right. I have my website and whatever. It's just next week Harrisburg Funny Bunk. And listen to my wife hates me on the same network. What this week coming out are 300th episode. It's an amazing podcast. It is great. Who are my favorites?

And my wife, you can go to YouTube and watch her a thousand set from last week. Incredible. So good. So good. So good. She's. We watched it. Sublooking us like we're lying. We watched it two mornings ago together No, I watched it too. It's great. You know, did you Bobby? I did I did watch it name two jokes I actually watch two jokes. She did the first one about a husband

I did I did name to the reason why I'm mad, man, is that you want to change something. I'm not changing something. The reason why I'm mad is that I, not one of you fucks said good job on tonight show with me. It wasn't good. You did.

I wrote it on Twitter. It was a treasure. It was bad. No, it was great. I actually did tell you it was great and I thought it was fucking incredible. What did you say? I look at your text, asshole.

Oh, sorry. What? I tweeted. What did you say? asshole. Oh, sorry. Oh, what? I tweeted. What did you say? Amazing. She's trying to get the accolades for you. She's trying to give up with the word that she can swallow, saying and then once she goes back to her friends in Brooklyn,

I just said amazing. I tweeted. Oh, she was great. People in Brooklyn read it. All right. Well, thanks for coming on, buddy. Look, having me again. I fucking love doing I tell you what I would do a radio show with you in a fucking second. Well, we're both headlining what tomorrow

We're going on Jim and Sam. Yes, we are awesome Katie Katie's working with me governors. I think if I don't get really I'm a guillire's I'm a guillire's That's something big comes along. You're an asshole. That's why I tell you, girl open, chill. I like that. That's me. You're very photogenic. Thank you.

These are my shows. I'm going to the. Holy fuck. She's showing the new New York comedy club room in Atlantic City this Sunday. I don't know where it is. That's why you can't have a boyfriend. I know.

Unless you fuck dudes on the road. I know. I mean, looking you, you're gone. But then I'm going to be next week in DC without a newman at the DC draft house. And then after that with Rich, I'll put your name on my website. See Rich. Here's a problem with what I think we're doing though. Can I say something that these young comics do is you put in your fucking New York dates. Yeah, these are these are just two row dates. Guys. She's here. These are guest spots. You can bang.

You can meet a guy. They're not all guest spots. But look it, there's no, no, she's, first of all, she's, I don't like that she put with rich vals. Like that's, like someone's gonna see them go, whoa, who's this girl? But, but that's like on the website though. It's like rich vals.

But I'm only doing one night, I'm shooting in an hour special. What the fuck? I'm doing Saturday. Friday, I'm shooting an hour special. What the fuck? I'm doing Saturday. Friday I'm shooting an hour. Oh my god, I'm not gonna cancel. I'm gonna cancel. Where's peace candy show?

Huh? It's in Brooklyn. Okay, that's a good show though. Where's bitches in brew? Bob is just trying to get booked on candy store shows. Bitches blue is a great show. That's the best. Yeah, who books that?

It's a great show. First of all, relax. You know what's a great show? I'll tell you what's a great show. Fuckin' 2000 C Theater. Sound like that's a great show. First of all, relax. You know it's a great show. I'll tell you what's a great show. Fuck it, 2000 C Theater. Sound like that's a great show. Oh, yeah. We wanna fucking burn Brooklyn in a fucking safe environment.

It's not a great show. How do you know how safe it is? Yeah, Brooklyn can be dangerous getting home. Mm, blacks. We don't call them that. We say colors. Better days comedy. Where's that? I had to cancel that. Where was it? I don't know. Where's that I had to cancel that where was it?

I don't know who's a picture of that who's that girl with restaurant with bridges and restaurant bar? Oh right out okay. Oh, that's in Rhode Island. That's a good fun of her. She's it's okay Stand up for you have a 4 p.m. Show Called baking bits. Oh, it's a brunch show look at any food fucking item it just pops out into his eyes anything hey you know what you know what you know what you are you're a fucking solid motherfucker for doing all these yeah this is a lot of work yeah you're performing at the Greenwich Village comedy club sandwich oh yeah Brooklyn shows are great they're fucking awesome and it's the and Gabby does a lot of them too

And they're great places to work out and get your shit red. No, it is man Because it didn't exist a long time ago and you had it what the fuck did you do? You said a wait in line now you guys have your rooms and you go out there and you work and by the time He does way more than me. What's that was very kind of you? No, I threw you in it just cuz you look at your face But yeah, no she's way better than you but more than me. What's that was very kind of you? No, I drew you in just because I looked at your face, but yeah, no, she's way better than you, but he got a third. Joe, he goes shut up. All right, what do you got, Lou? March 23rd, 24th. I'm going to be in Boston next comedy, South with Dave Smith, co-headlining, secret podcasts on that Saturday night.

Been the 25th through 30th Los Angeles, lots of podcasts that I'm going to be doing out there. Plus the live standup show at the comedy store. I'm Thursday the 29th, Legion of Skanks and Friends with a bunch of secret guests. Legion of Skanks live podcast at the comedy store in the belly room on the 28th. And yeah, go miss comedy.com roast masters. I host every week. Vos is one of the house judges. It's so much fun. You're a house judge. Is that appropriate? Yeah. Well, we could call him the field judge, but he's been acting really nicely lately. So he, no, I tell you right now, Big J. Vos is there every week. It's so much fun.

Do we have the winter tournament going on right now? You can get free tickets if you use the promo code RAP at the standinemysi.com. Get free tickets anytime you guys want to come. And also, I will say this, people that don't know this, all of the gas digital network live stream, 17 shows in the network, they're all free now. You can watch the shows live for free. Just go to the website. You don't have to sign and you don't have to do anything. You're just paying for the on demand HD to 2500 hours of content. So watch it when you want. Yeah, when you guys want to watch it. Deep discounting. Yeah, exactly. So what you're

a broadcaster to, huh? Look at your girl. Yeah, it's a great picture. She is a great picture. Thank you. She the one on the left or the right. Yeah. We came here. Thanks coming on. Thank you. What do you got?

I will be at the stand next week doing the Roswell Tournament. It's such a good boy friend. I'm doing the Roswell Tournament next week. That should be really fun. I'm really excited. I'll be in LA March 25th through 30th. So I'm sure I'll be doing stuff out there. Check me out on Twitter.

Follow my podcast on iTunes called Stone Science. Follow me on Instagram. Kim Congdon, Twitter, Kimberly Congdon. I'm very enthusiastic. Can you do a vlog next time? Yeah. Gab, what do you got? Nothing.

Follow me on Instagram. Her Instagram post. My personal Instagram. Her Instagram post. Her Instagram post. Her fucking story. I love Gabby so much, but I follow her story. You watch everyone. I watch every single one because it bothers me. You have a pilgrim thing.

You like pilgrims. You go throw up before you eat the candy. Yeah. I make room. Follow Gabby on Instagram. I have a couple of shows coming up this month, I make room. Follow Gabby on Instagram. I have a couple shows coming up this month and next month. Twenty-second tonight. I'm at the pit. Twenty-second. I'm at the pit. Love the pit. Twenty-eighth and producing a show. I do. I've been there.

The way station. On the 29th, on 29th Street. Yeah. And something. Comedy Central Room. Boom, boom. Twenty-five broken foot working through that. And then I'll be out and about. Out and about. Yeah, sexually.

That's the name of a show in Brooklyn. You have nothing. You're not sexual. Yes, she is. No, she's not. Don't make eye brows. Stop it. You're women's right here.

I don't care. She doesn't give a shit. Please. Oh my god. How funny would it be if you guys took her home and just real? Rape her. What?

Katie. Sorry. Mike, what do you got? I'll be at the improv in San Antonio next week. Yeah, listen. What? I don't know this works. You didn't even do it for that, too.

I can't hear. The microphone doesn't come into my things. I don't know if it works or not. You shave ever? It was just way hairier last week. OK. That's also what they said to Katie in our edition. You were way harrier last time. No, this shape. No.

And then I'll be with Gina Breon at Lafayette San 20 next month. Gina Brown. Oh, she's cool. Zachy. Zach the new guy. Hi, man. Hey, before you go, why can't you do podcast, Instagram? Follow that one, set of the old one. Next week next week. We got a killer show the regs are back Next week, yeah, we put up valentines for them if you guys want to download them off the Facebook or whatever Yeah, we get he made me look like I have herpes and I bang guys That's original for Joe list Joe list looks great and then you go to fucking yours is awesome. Look, I got her. Look at yours is cute.

It's great. It's great. What's the rags? I'm your real ass Valentine. They got like it. And Dan always looks good. Course fucking Dan. Anything he does, he's fucking comes out.

Dan is better looking in pictures than in real life. Dan is an ugly man. He's got an ugly man, dude. He looks like a neanderthal. Yeah. Big head flat fucking face. He's not going to be. I think he's a good, little guy. He's good, little guy. He's going to be an ugly old man. Let's just say that. He's going to look at Herman months to something. So my dad is not thinning. Cam, look at the Cam. Jesus Christ. You're a sexy broad you Bob I mean we don't want my Instagram too if you want. Oh, what's that? Relax? We own 50 bucks. I love it if you got no fight over me. You just playing around that maybe so mad. I mean so happy

Conor McGregor. What do you got? Where's that How did you get that he's a bartender? He's a bartender dude. Thanks for coming in What's that? What's that you Builds websites. Oh, well you build me a website. Yeah, cuz I've been fucking trying to get a Gabby Are you from Ireland? Did you see what you just did? That's the business right there.

Yeah, I'm from Indiana, I'm from the city of Apollot. I literally said, build me a website, she goes like this, me too. I'm from the east side. I'm trying to, I'm crazy. I'm trying to, I'm crazy. I'm talking to me too. Oh my god.

I build websites. Do you really? Wait, it's okay. Oh, a lot of side talking. You know what I'm talking about? Okay, let's really employ that up. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

How do you know Connor? Me and him are dating. Happy Valentine's Day. Oh, please'm kidding. I'm kidding. How do you know Connor? Me and him are dating. Happy Valentine's Day. Oh, please. You know what? Yeah. All right. We're going to end this right now. You guys are the best fans of the world. Make sure you subscribe. We got new stuff coming on. I want to thank you guys for coming in today. Really appreciate it. Great show. Happy Valentine's Day. We'll see you next week on You Know What That? If you're trying online dating chances are you've run into lazy text messages, dead ends, conversations,

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