Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Warts Up With Your Feet? | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #31

Episode Date: February 20, 2025

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder discuss Joe’s feet warts, their health issues, how many headliners there are, Roseanne and grifters in comedy, the best food they’ve had, who is the richest REGZ member, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607 SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedyhttps://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS  Factor_ Get 50% off your first factor box at factormeals.com/factorpodcast Cornbread Hemp 30% off first order at cornbreadhemp.com/regz with code “REGZ” Sheath Use code “REGZ” to get 20% off your first order Lucy Get 20% off first order w/ code “REGZ” Small Batch Cigar Use code REGZ10 for 10% off plus 5% rewards Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Hi, what's up everybody? It's the Regs. We're back. Joe List, Dan Soda, Luis J. Gomez, Robert Kelly. We're back. It's Monday, 1.45. I like what you're doing. What's that pal?

It's enough with the nicknames. Well, I just wanted to go. I like it. It's saying a bowling league. I think we have new nicknames. I agree. to go to bowl like it's a bowling league we have new nicknames I agree I agree fresh slate yeah enough to wipe your nicknames now nude nicknames nude nicknames that's similar to what I said Joe the cock list why cock day of When I push between my legs. Robert the Clit Kelly. I like that.

Flick my bean, dude. Louis. Asshole. Yes. Louis the red asshole. The taint. That was the blown out asshole Gomez. Jay Gomez.

I wanna hear about your doctor. Bob, Soder and I both had doctor's appointments. We were both nervous Nellies. Yeah, how did yours go? Dude, I made out like a bandit. You made out with your doctor. Oh, I wish she says like she's you've heard. I looked at your report. Stop. She's hot. No, I went. I had high two years ago. I was here.

I came on the show. I had high blood pressure. I was one fifty five or some shit. I was nervous. I was scared. My parents have high blood pressure. I'm nervous. Nelly. What does that even mean? Though they're alive. I want to what is high. What is high blood pressure danger? But what? Oh God, here's Joe Rogan here. Keep going. Rogan. They're alive What is high blood pressure danger? Is Joe Rogan here keep going Rogan what what he's just like a question he's literally just wants to know what I know But it's like conspiracy theory here it comes For you, it is really if you look at it high blood pressure doesn't really have it you start doing the thing

Well, I'm saying you're like all my parents have high blood they're alive So I guess. Barely. They're fucking 49 and 51 years old. Your parents are babies. Your parents are babies. No, they're not. Your parents are 49? Yeah.

No, sir. What are they heavy when they were four? No, but they're in danger of dying. They're all red and stressed. That sounds badass though. Yeah, like wrestlers. Highway to the danger zone. And blood pressure is.

No, no, no, no. The reason we take blood pressure, it's a general sense of your general health. For sure. With high blood pressure, you're generally not as healthy as you should be. Dan's got high blood pressure. Hey.

Yay. Pass some chips. Let's get that. It's because he smokes weed and it's high. Oh, oh, oh. I literally didn't get it, but now I get it. My jokes don't really, they're not much to think about. You're overthinking my joke.

You're too scholastic. These jokes are for the working man. Hey, put on your car hearts. Laugh a little to Lewis. So, are you good? I was very nervous. Now what did you do to get good? We don't know if he's good yet.

Yeah, tell us the results. Yeah, fucking, it's getting ahead of yourself, Bob. Look how fucking happy he is. I went in, I was very nervous. I can't tell, his mouth is so small, you can't tell if he's good yet. Yeah, tell us the results. Yeah, fucking, it's getting ahead of yourself, Bob. Look how fucking happy he is. I went in, I was very... I can't tell, his mouth is so small, you can't tell if he's smiling or not. Or whistling, smiling or whistling. You need to cut that beard off

so we can see your lips again. Is that a smile? I still don't know. Let's see your teeth. Such simple men. Why don't we have to, why do we have to be so funny all the time? Is it my fault your face is shaped like a blow dart? You're right, Joe, Why don't you be serious?

They look good. What about the bottom? Why do we have to be so silly and mean and jokey? We should be serious. Serious podcast? Let's see who breaks first. Joe, what happened with your high blood pressure today? I went in and I was very nervous.

I'm a nervous guy because now, especially with the baby, we have something to live, the three of us have something to live for. We have quality of life. The three of us? Yeah, it's gonna suck and you're gonna live through the apocalypse. Who's the third person that has something to live for?

The baby and Sarah. The baby. Oh, you're saying us. Yeah. Oh, I get it, nevermind, sorry. You're saying, because I don't have a kid, I don't have anything to live for. I got you.

Which really, he's not wrong. Yeah. Which is pretty sweet. Yeah, your dog would just eat you if you died. That's great. I wouldn't care Yeah, it's for the fireman that finds me He's go. Oh fuck dog ate the guy's whole fucking face. I Don't care stop joking. Yeah, full the dog would be if it ate your head The dog would be if it ate your head? Oh my God, dude. It'd be like, its arms would be all small. The dog would die too? Yeah. Dan's head is also kind of shaped like a Kong.

You should put peanut butter in it. Yeah. You got a hole? Well, you three are all out. I'm sorry, dude. Being silly and funny. Well, I'm sorry, dude. He ruined it.

I'm a natural, hilarious guy. You did a bunch of geese. Yeah, it's true. Just silly geese. One, two, three, and go. So I went in, and I also have something called white coat syndrome, where my blood pressure goes up. Racist?

It's the doctor. White coat hypertension. It's when your, yeah, your blood pressure goes up. The white coats are coming. I have a white coat, I got a white hat, it's pointy. Ha ha ha! But isn't that? That's what I said, but he kinda punched it up.

It was a little better. I'll give him credit. I guess. Do you know that, do they usually, because you have that, do they usually test you before and test you after to see you've calmed down after the appointment? Well, they only tested me once, baby,

cause I went in there, 131 over 84. Good job. Not perfect, but nice. That's pretty great, especially high blood pressure. How did you achieve this? Bananas. Really? I think bananas are potassium.

Is that what you call penises? Pull up some banana action. We only one produce three producers today or whatever one second by the way I'm watching Twin Peaks for the first time the Asian woman looks exactly like Paco wait a minute you're watching Twin Peaks for the first time yeah I never watched it I never watched it either I was ten years old but we all watched it years never seen it never seen it we should do a regs watch along. Ooh, bonus episode on the Patreon. We don't have a Patreon.

Do we have a Patreon? Lewis? I've been wanting a Patreon. Do we have a Patreon? Do you have a Patreon? We have a regs Patreon. Do we really? We're making 30 grand a month.

I've been crushing it. Guys, we're at peak come town numbers. We're making about 100k a month. Wow. No, I never watched it. Well, lots of people never watch it. Yeah, I mean three of the four of us haven't. When I was a No, I never watched it. Well, lots of people never watch it. That's kinda crazy. I mean, three of the four of us haven't.

When I was a kid, I thought it was like a... Okay to suck a guy's cock? Yeah. Like a drama that your mom would watch? Yeah. You'd think it was a weird fucking David Lynch-y. Wait, that's not her. Yeah, way to just pick up an Asian.

Look up the Asian, there's one Asian woman who's a main character. That's not even a woman. These guys are fucking retarded. Yeah, they're when peaks a bunch of stupid fucking assholes So you ate bananas to bring down your blood pressure? Oh, I've been eating a lot of it. My son loves bananas How do you eat this? He swallows the whole Swallows him like aspirin

His mouth works like a wood chipper for his son's cereal Look at Paco! That is Paco. That looks a lot like Paco. Dead on! Damn. I'm jerking off to Paco. Can we make Paco dress like that on the show from now on?

Sure, if we do a watch along. I want lipstick and his hair slicked back. Bum bum bum bum bum. Can we kill one of the other producers like the main character of the show? They'll just grow back. We told you we'd never saw it. Oops.

We've never seen it. It's about the death of that girl. It starts told you we never saw it oops about the death of that girl it starts off with that oh that's the one episode I've seen yes the pilot the pilot's amazing yeah I have this my problem with TV Hey, Gene Siskel, you got up there. This is my body. That's probably the best one. Extraordinarily mean spirited. Buddy, we're trying to be serious, man. Seriously, don't talk like that. Yeah, don't be mean. Yeah, don't be fucking mean to us.

Bananas, baby. What does bananas do to you? I thought it was just- Rich in potassium, yeah, regulate blood pressure. There you go. Sports heart, L. What happens if you shove them into your ass? You get cum, you cum quickly. Oh, fucking losing it. Did you go sports heart what happens if you shove them into your ass you get come you come quickly Did you go for a full physical No, I did a fucking a third of a physical. I'd be fucking a honestly. That's what everyone's doing

I'm gonna tell you right now. I already think you're fucking half-stepping. You're not telling me about your blood panels I don't know if you fucking let God yeah, I don't know if you got the full work I don't know what the fuck this guy's act. I go. Did you get a full physical? Clearly didn't it cost and got his blood pressure. I don't know what the fuck. This guy's acting, I go, did you get a full physical? You're full physical, he clearly didn't. He coughed and got his blood pressure taken. By a homeless guy that fucking held his arm and went. You know what I got? HPV Vax.

What, what, what? We're out of the game, dog, we're retired. What are you talking about, dude? You don't need a Vax for your dick. I got warts on my feet, they're nasty. Ew, really? Stop telling people things. From the gym.

You don't gotta to know anybody. Joe would be the worst criminal of all time. That could be a secret that you take to your grave. Oh, you asked! The cops have him at the detective table. When's the shipment coming in? He goes, Tuesday, 8 p.m. I got water on my feet too.

I don't know. Honestly, I'm so nervous, I can't believe I just told you. I'm so nervous for the drop. No, I think we give up the secret. Joe, you don't have to tell us everything. You wanna see him? What's up with your feet? I don't, but I told you. I'm so nervous for the drop. No, I think we give up the seat. You don't have to tell us everything. Yeah. You want to see them? No. What's up with your feet?

I don't, but I do. Great episode name. The gym. What's up with your feet? What's up with your feet? What's up with your feet? Absolutely. You know me, I'm retarded when it comes to episode names.

When one gets me, write it down, retards. That's a t-shirt. What's up with your ocium? Show them. It's from Equinox. I should have t-shirts. I up with your I'll see him sure from equinox I should have yeah I wear slides now to the gym every time yeah you when you use them then you like wash them off and put them in your bag why bring them into the shower with me and then I don't I don't like because I had a fucking

funky toe you put them in a bag in your gym bag is there I dry them off and to put in my gym bag I don't do it I don't shower in a fucking gym ever. What about the steam room? Ever. Sauna? No, I have my own sauna. I do my sauna at my house. We checked it four to five times a week.

Four to seven times a week to get the full potential, but I burnt my head on the sauna today. Right here? I have a heat lamp and I went and it goes and then I fucking screamed and hit my head on the glass. Damn! That's what I do to my feet once a week. Why do you have... So how do you get warts?

Thank you. How do you get warts on your feet? Equinox. HPV. So guys would just dip their balls on the ground and you step in and... Just giving him a foot job with his feet. You guys are so stupid. What? There's like 70 different... I don't have genital warts on my feet.

It sure sounds like it. It's called plantar warts. Joe's got warts on his feet. Joe's got warts on his feet. Joe's got warts on his feet. I used to have them on my dick. Ew. I did too. You had plantar fichitis?

Yes, there's like, That's not on your dick. Totally different, but we had that also. I had that too. There's like 70 strands of HPV. Many of them cause cancer, penile cancer, anal cancer, I want that. Other cancers, vaginal cancer. Those are the ones that, usually they say, don't they say the ones that cause cancer, penile cancer, anal cancer, other cancers, vaginal cancer.

Those are the ones that usually they say don't they say the ones that cause cancer don't produce warts? That's right, but that doesn't mean all that means is you don't know if you have cancer producing things. How do you know if you get? I have the cancer producing thing. I just remember being like, I remember having warts and being like, how can you? It means I don't have cancer. How can you tell if you're gonna? Is there a way you can tell you get cancer? Can they just take a blood work? Do you have cancer or do you have to die? Do you have to be dying for them to go to cancer? Blood work. Yeah, there's things that are signifiers that like, oh shit, this guy might have cancer now.

Dropping weight quickly, so we're good. So with your physical, it sounded like it went well. Yes. Mine didn't. Oh, so you're just done. No, no. I'm done. It sounded like it went well. Yes mine didn't so you're just done

You're cruising in the fucking equal in the middle of the fucking vaccine We stepped on it. So how where where your where your warts? Where your words because it sucked the bottom of your feet your toes they recommended this vaccine It's getting help It can help with the the ridding of the footwork because I go to the fucking Dermatologist every few weeks to get them zapped and it's painful. I cut I cut the door I have warts on my feet You and then I cut them off with a knife. What? Oh, he's is scientific. Yours is out back I have what are they called the little plant awards? Yeah walking. Yeah. Yeah, I just take a knife and I dig them out

You can go to get a liquid nitrogen thing at CVS. I get a knife. I dig them out I got a doctor cuz she's hot cool. So the vaccine they shoot you at the vaccine and your warts gonna go away There is anecdotal evidence that it can help shed the thing, but it also prevents from the cancers and there's no side effects I'm 100% I know you guys all love fucking RFK or whatever the fuck. No, I got a flu. I got a flu shot last week. Oh, that's for pussies. That's legitimately embarrassing.

Is that bad? Flu shots are bad? It's embarrassing. You're supposed to get sick. Flu shot's gay. It is embarrassing. Yeah, that's dumb. Guys who get the flu shot, there's like an ick for women.

They don't like that. Great, I'm engaged. If she gets the ick, I'll just kill her. It's more like a cuck. It's a cuck, not an ick. Or I just was at the doctor and he was like, do you want a flu shot? I was like, yeah, your doctor thinks you're gay. I got the flu shot that I'm what you did. Me and Max, but he's like 61. You get back to flu shot. We don't get, we don't get one. You know what he did? He showed me the evidence. He goes, do you

have flu shot? I go, I don't know. I never get the flu shot. And he was like, you should this year. And then he brought up like, could just Selling you that's all right. Well, it was doctors taking advantage of you, right? That's far Because you farted it out of here so you got the vaccine, you know, your feet are fine. My blood pressure is great I got the vaccine check your balls and your ass. No, no, she didn't do any of that But I asked what the colonoscopy I was like my grandmother had it should I go and she's like well you can how old are you? 43 I'll be 43 in a few months. I think it's 50 or 45 45 now It's 45, but they're also saying due to all the GMOs and shit and plastics in our food people under 45

She could start getting checked for micro bless. I got two of them. Polyps. Polyps in your colon. Right. Which can lead to colon cancer. It's actually pretty good. It's easy, right? I'm doing it on Marten. When you get a polyp up there, it feels kinda good. When you get on the Michael Jackson juice.

That's what I'm on. You go like, they go count, you go boom, you wake up and you're like, this is the greatest. I did that with the upper endoscopy. So I'm getting put on a spit roast March 8th. They're doing both? They're doing both. You can do both? Yeah. But is your insurance in cover it if you're under because you have history? It's the my GI is writing it up as like you know full test. You have history of what? My dad had prostate cancer before he died of cirrhosis. should have got the HPV Vax should have.

It wasn't invented. You know, I think he had bigger fish to fry at the moment, but he beat it. And then so now they, so I got the finger in the butt when I went, yeah, how was it? He goes brace. He said he goes brace. I was like, what are you looking for change? And what did he say? He's like, kiss my neck. I go slap my ass. You fucking bitch. Um, fine. I'm good. But you're gonna have the colonoscopy anyways. Yeah well yeah because I went to a GI, that was a different doctor. You went to a GI? GI doctor but my liver functions are all fucked up. Oh no. When I got because I got the full I got the whole thing done. What's wrong with your liver? Because I had

high cholesterol and it came down and I I was like, what a win. My high cholesterol came down, my blood pressure was good. My doctor said I'm literally in perfect health when I went the last time. My doctor went, what did you come off the wagon? He was trying to joke around a little bit. He goes, what did you come off the wagon after dry January too hard?

I was like, I haven't drank a sip of alcohol in 12 years. And he was like, okay. There's real cause of it. So why is your liver all fucked up? I don't know, we had to do another blood work. I'm gonna find out. I wouldn't be able to function. I wouldn't be able to podcast if I had that health report.

They did a, they did a sonogram, you know, to look at it and he's like, what's that? Pregnant? Well, they can look at your organs that way. Is it a fatty liver? No, he said it's dark. It's dark. He said my liver is.

Black guys liver. When I was 360, my liver was fatty. Yeah. It was like yellow, like alcohol. Like jaundice? It was like, you know, when people drink too much, the fatty liver. Which is so fat.

Yeah, it's bad. That's crazy. Well, he was like. Almost couldn't do the surgery because my liver was so fatty. Really? Yeah, he said in the middle of my surgery, because he's a friend of mine, he was like, almost couldn't do the surgery because my liver was so fatty. Really? Yeah, he said in the middle of my surgery, because he's a friend of mine, he goes, I almost gave up.

Because I had to hold your liver. He's doing a robot thing, and he had to hold the liver up with one of the robot arms. And he was like fucking shaking. The robot was like, I can't do this. What does this guy eat? Holy shit. I had to take a break and then put the hoo on. Yeah, that's so funny. Get me to fuck, get me through it. You had to take a break and then put like the who on.

Yeah, it's so funny. Get me to get me through it. You had to play a game of chess with a robot to calm it down. That was so hard. Sounds like a really half assed my doctor's appointment. I mean, I got the full fucking workup. And then he was like, they're sludging your gallbladder.

Oh, that means what? What are you eating? Inside, they're all gooped up and hooked up. But they looked at it and he's like, we're gonna do another blood test. He's like, it might've been just like erroneous. Are you eating shitty? Yeah. Dude, you gotta stop eating shitty.

Yeah. Those days are done. Yeah. You gotta fucking start eating healthy. Yeah. Factor meals. That's not even one of our sponsors. It is.

The Factor is the best the best factor is the best I do have started eating healthy and that might be it but you smoked for years. Is that fuck you up? No, that goes away quick. Yeah, he was like he was like, I don't know. We'll test it. He's like it's nothing He wasn't like incredibly concerned, but he's like that is weird I'm concerned that he's not as concerned the way he said it was so funny Would you come off like too hard off a dry January? I was like, what's up? But these doctors know, you're not dying.

Yeah, but no, they're disconnected. They tell people they're gonna die all the time. If he seemed a little concerned, that should be cause for major concern. Well, then he gave me, now they're doing dementia tests for people over 40. Really? Because they said 40% of dementia is curable

if caught early enough. Whoa. So I had to go to the, that's why I was late. I had to go to this thing that took me like 30 minutes to do. It's like a whole test. I thought it was going to be 15. Draw a clock? No, it's like you have like a little spinny wheel

and they're like, they make you like, at first it's numbers and then it's letters, numbers, then patterns. Oh dude, if you had dementia, it'd be hilarious. Dan just doesn't remember who we are. I go, what is this? Why are we on microphone? Leave me alone. Please don't hurt me.

Where am I? He forgets all his voices. So did you pass the dementia test? I don't know, find out. I get the liver tests and my doctor's on vacation until next week. Oh my God. So what do they do if you have dementia?

What's that? What do they do? What do they give you, a pill or something? They put you on a boat and they throw you out to sea. They kick it up. They go, all right scramble brains, good luck wherever you land. Hey, y'all have a new story wherever you land.

And then you go to a place and they go, who are you? And you go, I genuinely don't know. I just got here. Dan, what a waste of talent. If Dan got dementia, that'd be so funny. Just piss down my leg. It'll take a while. Also, they're doing it because 40% is curable.

So what if I cure my dementia, then I don't remember how big of a cunt you are. That's not as... That's very little of the dementia's curable. And that's the question. What? 40%? That's less than half. Correct. I don't have dementia What I took an IQ tests on the airplane yesterday? Oh, I bet that was up and up. I bet that was legit It was like fucking 40 questions. What did you get a 40 12? There's no way your intelligence is one

I love that that that's slightly above average. It's not even that good the same test that Voss took you got 145 He's been calling himself a genius for 10 years. No, I paid for the results. That's how dumb I am I did the whole test and then they were like, well, it's just two dollars for the results. I was like fuck That's like a hooker going you're the best ever had baby and Lewis goes. Yeah, I'm a genius Fireball no 112 is slightly above average. That's nothing to brag about. You sure thought 90 was above that now So 112 is slightly above average. That's nothing to brag about. You sure I thought 90 was above average? No, 145 is like genius, right?

145? Look up just the average. I mean, we don't have to. You know the smartest guy on Earth is just some redneck fucking douchebag that really never, you wouldn't even, you'd walk by him, you wouldn't even think he was his caliber.

Is he tormented? 200, yeah. This is so smart. Over 200 IQ. And he just looks like a fucking, some redneck guy that works at a fucking as a mechanic It's like a guy you argue with a bar and he just fucking destroys you and you're like goddamn Toby Forrest Gump's IQ was 75. Let's say yeah, but his heart was a hundred thousand. Yeah mean scores 100

What's the nice score? 90 and 190 and you're at 112. Wait. That makes sense. Okay 190 between 109 is normal average intelligence so I'm slightly above average. That's nice. That's good. Yeah. According to this test. Bring up the smartest guy in the world. The highest IQ. World's highest IQ. What was your test called? High IQ test dot com. It was on the screen on Delta. I'll tell you right now. He could actually play chess.

Give me that for that. No. Yeah, high IQ test dot com. That would even be on there. That was birdie. That was shit. Bobby laughed, but all right, if that's impressive, you know how when refs throw flags

for barely any contact? Go to the white guy. That kind of game. Yon-H Go to the white guy, scroll down. That kind of game. Yon-Hoon Kim? Scroll down, scroll down. Yon-Hoon Kim sounds more like it than the guy you're talking about. It might have changed in the last year.

Scroll down, fuck face, to the right. If it is a white guy from Alabama. White guy, that white guy, he has a 200 IQ. He has a 200 IQ and he says death isn't the end. That's great news. I guess that Chinese guy's got a 230. Go to that guy, go to the guy that looks like the principal from Ferris, that's great news. I guess that Chinese guy's got a 230. Like, go to that guy, go to the guy that looks like the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Danny, Danny, go back to the guy I said not to go to instead of the guy I said to go to. To be fair to Danny, I don't know what you're talking about either. Scroll down. Scroll down. A Joe's in the way. The guy you just had the arrow on, fuckface.

To the right, right there, that's the guy I'm talking about. That's the guy, the principal from Ferris Bueller? Exactly, he looks like a fuck, click on it. You know that actor got caught with like a kid? And he got caught right at the right time. Before everything was getting destroyed. Then he was like in the fucking cowboy show afterwards. But he wasn't in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. That's him right there.

That's true. Jeffrey Jones, I think his name is. What's his name? That's not the guy. No, this guy. I don't know this guy. Chris Langan? Chris Langan. That's Chris Langan. If he was that smart, he would have a better body, I feel like. 200 IQ. He was, I guess, this little Chinese guy. I don't know this guy Chris Langan Chris Langan. That's Chris. He was that smart He would have a better body. I feel 200 IQ. He was I guess this little Chinese guy Some people have great bodies often dumb people don't have great bodies

I cannot find what I paid this money to and I have to cancel it eventually My ass you're paying for the war in China right now You see that new day um, hey, real quick guys, eating well, shouldn't take up your whole damn day factor makes it easy with meals. You can heat and eat in just two minutes. Everything arrives fresh and fully prepared. It's perfect for an any busy lifestyle with 40 options to choose from each week. Just select your picks and wait for them to show up at your door.

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to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. What was that, was it you who told me, Dan, the Chinese AI? No, I don't go near that shit. I got it. It's terrifying. I did get it. I'm terrified. Oh, you downloaded it? I downloaded it. they said something like there's gonna be a deep seek you're gonna get in trouble if you

Well, deep seek like yeah legal trouble. They're gonna reveal all your points It's on it's on isn't that the old producer for white cat a beauty. Oh, yeah, but the bus ticket deep seek I'm deep seek deep seek. Great. Thanks Yeah, there was something about deep seek. If you downloaded it, you'd get in trouble. You're lying. Look at that. It's on Apple.

They can't have it on Apple and- Look up deep seek in trouble. You can't, you're lying. You're making this up. You're trying to give me a harder- President Trump is not gonna like what you did. Is that right, Trosby? Is that your Trump?

You do good, the best voice set have everybody. That was your Trump. I like this is we have a running joke in our house that we do on purpose. A horrible Donald Trump. I would also say that if I did the worst, we're not in your house. I'm fucking. Yeah. Trust me about this. Joe has a point. We're not in your house. I was doing that for me. I don't give a fuck about that. I want to, that was for me. Dan. Wow. You, if you attack his voices, Dan gets actually, I don't give a fuck about that I was for me Dan why you if you attack his voices Dan gets actually I don't give a shit you seem like you don't care I want to know why Bobby's gonna get arrested for downloading deep seek I don't change the subject why you get so angry yeah we're chill out dude chill

out Donald Trump the bit is we do then every time we do it, we go, man, I hope Shane doesn't hear me do that or he'll be scared, like you're confident about a bad voice. I shouldn't have brought it in here. That's what I do. I was worried about what she... Stop bringing your inside girlfriend jokes to us.

It's my wife. I have someone that loves me. Are you married? Yeah, I did, I got married. I didn't invite any of you guys. When did you get married? Doesn't matter, don't worry about it. Is that why she got mad at me yesterday

when I called her your girl? No, she's my fiance, we didn't get married yet. Oh, she got very mad. Yeah, because you called her my girlfriend, like she was some floozy. It was a mistake. It felt like you'd been married for nine years. You guys had a Super Bowl party without me?

Yes. Yes. Yeah, we all agreed that we didn't want you there. I wasn't there. Yeah, but you said you couldn't make it. No, I wasn't invited. You go along with the bit. I would fucking, yeah, I wish I could could have where'd you guys watch Super Bowl? I said Jay's new house man. Wow in the pool to the pool

The jacuzzi was my favorite we have this bit in our house where we swim in the pool Surely you were invited I Was not go to go to the top right here. Go to the news. Where'd you guys watch Super Bowl together, you pieces of shit? You didn't invite me and Joe? Deep Sea.

Joe who? Oh, Joe, Joe. Arrest. Joe had a big day today. What are you trying to do right now, you piece of shit? What are you trying to do? What are you doing? That was good.

Don't make it about the China. You got to go down to the. That's a perfect, that's a perfect Trump. Don't make it about. Oh, hello, I am President Trump. Oh my God, I thought he was in the room. Oh, we both President Trump. Nevermind.

I'm President Trump. This is perfect. Perfectly, thank you, come again, I am Trump. I'm Roseanne doing President Trump. You guys seen her new rap song? What? Roseanne's rap song? Yeah, I did.

She sucks. Yeah, the guy who did it though, kind of. She sucks, she's just like, she's just like that kind of crazy, it's like what they used to do with the Iron Sheik, where his nephews would just like aim him at people. We gotta pretend that Roseanne rules. No we don't.

Why, is she at the festival? Nevermind. She's out of her mind. She's not't. Why, is she at the festival? Uh. Nevermind. She's out of her mind. She's out of her mind, but I mean she's harmless. Yeah, no, but when you- She's a fat old lady. Yeah, when you come down the hallway she's like, ah yeah, hey, hey.

She's grabbing your arm. How are you? Where's John Goodman? Where's John Goodman, yeah. Yeah, but you're right, when they go to Austin they have to be like, it's the legend, Rose legend Roseanne and she's up there smoking she's like Mexican it's a pretty good Roseanne. It's pretty good. She is legend. That's true. Yeah, but then I someone I Forget who said it they go she had ten good minutes and then she got a sitcom

Right back when you had only needed ten good Yeah, but so she never learned how to develop an hour and And then they're letting her rip at the comedy mothership. They're letting her rip for an hour. And she's just like... Back in the 80s, the late 80s, early 90s, I remember all these guys from Boston moved to LA. There was a bunch of us going to New York, and then there was the other crew all going to LA.

And when they got there, they were like, what do you do for work? And it was like, I was a ski instructor. Write 15 minutes on ski instructing. What do you, I was a trash guy. So all these guys had, the whole set was about being a ski instructor, a trash guy. On the mountain, things go a little crazy

when you take a test. And, Roddy, nothing prevailed. It sucked to be the guy and then. We're reaching an age where like those 80s comics are pretty old now like watching dice at Tim Dillon show and he's like What's up with men with backpacks and you're like men carry backpacks? Dice if you carried a suit if you carry the briefcase you look fucking retarded. We used to call He's like these guys are on their phones typing messages. And you're like, yeah Dice, I just think you're out of touch.

I'm wearing glasses that have pictures. What is this, Instagram? You're putting up pictures? And you're like, I saw a man drinking a coffee. Oh, oh, did you? Are you there? Are you lost? Are you lost, Andrew? Where am I? He's got dementia. You should have taken that test. Who else is it? Who? Re Brian Regan still rules. Still. Still absolutely rips. He could drink though, man. Holy shit. He's got a big white beard now. Great guy. Yeah.

Show's up. He shows up. Your show's just the wall. I was just saying that one instance of dice really made me laugh at Tim Dillon show show where he was going, A big, big! I don't think it's that big of a deal, Dice. What do you think it would be like if all of us were doing comedy in the 80s? Because Norman's agent said this to him, he's like, if you guys, your whole crew was around in 1985, you'd be massive, we'd all have TV shows. Every comic had a TV show then. Back then, yeah. Adam Ferrara.

I'm talking even before that, the generation before that. Like the 80s, you had like Drew Carey, Tim Allen, Paul Reiser, Jerry Seinfeld, Bill Maher, Roseanne. There was so many less comedians. There was a hundred comedians in the world. Now the whole world does fucking comedy. There was never a comic... You never heard of an Indian comic? Do you think that's so funny? These Indians fucking didn't do comedy back then. You didn't have any. You had a little bit of Canada. You had a little UK. There's three women.

It was all us. Two black guys. There was Ellen, Roseanne, and Judy Tanuta. There was. There was a very small amount of women comics. Do you think now, like you know how we always make fun of the 80s comedy being like rolled up sleeves in front of a brick thing being like, what's the deal? Are they gonna make fun of this generation by doing crowd work?

Of course. And being like, what do you do? Yeah. Oh! We do that now. Look me in my eyes! Don't go there. I won't.

Don't? It's just so funny. Leave her alone. Leave Britney alone! Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Oh, you don't. I don't understand why I'm here.

Look at me! And here, but Rogan's in the back like, she's so powerful. And Roseanne's like, where am I? Where did this curtain lead to? Ha ha ha. Her rap song does slap though. Bring it up. Who are you talking about? Oh. Roseanne has a rap song. Where am I? Where did this curtain lead to? Her rap song does slap though, bring it up. Who are you talking about? Oh, Rosanna has a rap song. We keep switching between people so quick that

you can't even follow. There's a guy who's an independent rapper. He had a hit kind of thing a couple years ago, and now he's kind of getting, he's a Republican, he went full. The grift. He went that side. He went full grift.

It's funny to watch guys grift and then try to come back like they didn't grift. It went that side. He went full grift. And he uh. It's funny to watch guys grift and then try to come back like they didn't grift. Remember when Jamie Kylsteen did that to the full left? And then he came back, he's like, I was just kidding. Did you guys think that was serious? And he goes, yeah, you committed your whole life to it. We remembered it. The thing is when you're a young comic,

you get a little bit of success in like one lane. That's what I do with the N-word. That you just keep going down that path. And it's like, oh, well here I am. Well, now I'm here. Coming back from the N word. Well, that's so fucking funny. The self-awareness just really punched my chest.

I think it's funny just to come back and be like, anyways, what were we doing? I called you guys all rapists. I accepted him. Once he apologized and just was self- aware about it. I was like, all right, you're okay. Yeah, you're allowed back. That's it. If that's anybody we haven't allowed back, we allowed everybody back. Ellen had to move to fucking London because everyone was like, she actually was mean. She had to move to which I appreciated her being mean.

I was like, you should be mean to fucking producers. They suck. They're idiots. Oh, I hate them. They still do. But I think she also didn't bring up the stupid rap video. I like the fact that they keep on ignoring this request. I heard that she would clear out the entire studio parking lot when she would walk to her car. That's wild. That's like Stern Stern. You're not allowed to make eye contact. She was pretty Stern. Oh, that's fun. What do you mean? You can't make eye contact with Stern. You're not allowed to like look at Howard Stern when he walks through the halls. You're not allowed to talk to him. You're like, it's fun. What do you mean, you can't make eye contact with Stern? You're not allowed to look at Howard Stern

when he walks through the halls. You're not allowed to talk to him. You're like, it's like, dude. Well, now he's not even in the halls, right? Yeah, he doesn't even show up anymore. It's also like. I kind of get it, but imagine if every time you walk into the halls, hey, who, hey.

Yeah, but here's the thing. Do you have something in your mouth right now? Yeah, I have. Because your voice just changed and went through a. I have to take this liver pill Oh, what are you talking about? My fatty liver? It helps with my fatty liver. Really? Yeah, can I get one dog cuz I got a I got a black liver. Yeah It's a cert you motherfucker, yeah, they help with black livers

She's back. Let it helps you take a she But um fuck what were we talking about? We're talking about... I don't even know, we're talking about Natalie Cuomo, Roseanne, we're talking about dementia. Wait a minute, nobody brought up Natalie Cuomo. Who brought up Natalie Cuomo? No, you were bringing it up. Look me in my eyes.

You were. You can't have it in your mouth. It changes your voice completely. What are you talking about? I really don't. What the fuck, you always fucking with me. It just floats into the front of his mouth. How do you know what the fuck is up?

Oh, come on. Dude, let's watch this, she's a savage. Oh, you always fucking with me. It just floats into the front of his mouth. How do you know what the fuck is up? Oh, it's hard, it's hard. Dude, let's watch this, she's a savage. Oh, God. Let's see. I hate this. Let's watch the theory. I actually like this guy, he's pretty good. What?

I do, I don't mind. This one I don't like. Yeah, this is forced. This stinks. Yeah, it's not good. This is so fucking corny. Oh my god. Imagine doing a song for a politician and not thinking you're incredibly gay. So embarrassing.

It's a problem with Austin. Everyone's like into politics and guns now. Fucking dorks. Fuck that entire camp. Oh, you're down with the... It's so funny, because also, Louis, it's like the thing of we're anti-establishment. I got you. We're anti-establishment, but also the establishment. Yeah. It's like, how the fuck is that? It's like, we're anti-government.

We love Trump. We love the government. It's crazy. It's the gayest shit I've ever seen in my entire life. It's as gay as Brooklyn was in 2016. This is making me furious. Yeah. First of all, there's not a single black person in the video.

You can't have a hip hop video without one black person signing off. That's insane. Bobby's liver should sign off. My liver? My liver would go, hell no. Oh, no, come on, black boy. Come on, black boy.

Oh, no, man. Now where's Darlene? Hey. Now where's that? Hey, didn't DJ go trans? Rosanna looks like Gary Oldman in True Romance. She really does, it ain't white boy day. Everyone had a little I, Joe to damn define them. He's putting the light.

Not when he's swinging it. It ain't white boy day. She actually really does look like Gary Oldman in true romance. Why do we have to respect old comedians that aren't good? I don't know, it's wild. It was wild the way that like everyone... Whoa!

I mean the king of comedy right there. God damn. You gotta respect what they did, they paved the way. Yeah, because comedy evolves, it changes all the time. When they did it, it was fucking... Yeah, but then I gotta respect Al Franken for doing 30 minutes of bombing at the village underground and then he blows the light. Well, that's different. You have to respect him until he does something like that.

And then I got to go up after him and he goes like... And you're like, you fucking blew the light by 15 minutes. There's only a handful of real headliners. Sure. At all times. What I'm saying, like... I mean, think about it. That idea, they go, that that's how frank and you go

Yeah, I was like a baby when you wrote There's only a handful of really good comics that you can call headliners that are still around There's a lot of people that became famous and yeah, whatever, but there's only I think there's a wild amount of headliners And name them. I mean he's talking about that We're old I'm talking about people that go up anytime not just now and fucking murder and, and are still relevant. There's so many comics who can murder. Who? Billy Gardell?

Everyone in this room murders. It's a small amount. You think we're the one? No, there are like, there's so many comics that fucking murder. Name them. Go on TikTok. I mean, name them.

Just name comics. Mark Normand, fucking Big J, Dan Smith, Sam Arill. Yeah. I mean, I'm- It's not a lot of people. Yeah, on his part. As far as doing it. What are you talking about? Everyone murder, Shane, Tony Hinchcliffe, fucking.

Ronald Hirschberg. Jeffrey Asimov. Ron, that's a great comment too. I don't know why that was a name that we would laugh at. But I mean, there's a lot of fucking comics. I could just literally name an, I can keep on naming comics. It's not a lot. Yeah, there are. like a lot of fucking comics. I could just literally name an un I can keep on naming It's not a lot. Yeah, they're all not a lot of headlines do an hour and fucking murder

I think you're you this is some old school fucking seller shit where they're like no, there's fucking ten murders Dude, there's only say ten. There's not a lot. There's only five guys There's probably a few hundred comedians who could do an hour and murder pretty easily name them I don't know about my name a few hundred you're out of a few hundred mine. You're fucking in the world I don't know everyone in your you're out of your mind other country comedy is all right Australia and London go go to Netflix you tell me that the the specials they have their murder Yeah, but Netflix isn't nobody saying that's the standard that's the standard. Netflix isn't based on. Those are fucking people headlining all over. They take the ones that they have, like the great ones. You're talking about the guys that we all know, which I agree with, which is under a hundred.

Under a hundred. Under. It's under a hundred. Let's just think Glad we're on a topic finally. It's under a hundred. You cannot name a hundred fucking people that you know. This would be a boring podcast if I were to sit here and try to 87 64 guys want to do plugs 95 right now you plugs and move on I think I think around 40 it starts to get question absolutely That's insane. It's not insane. You're you're just insane. You guys need to respect the 250 around around say around 40 it gets like That's what everyone makes fun of Rogan for saying that there's 200

That's what he was talking about like 250 actual like Murderers no not that there's 250 comedians. You're agreeing with him. I don't agree with I agree that there's probably That can murder. It's not that hard to murder. What we're talking, yeah it is. But sustain, you're saying sustaining, for like a headline. Go up for an hour, headline after anybody else on the show. So if there's a show with all five of, like me, Joe, Norman, Dan, you,

you can go up on that show and do your shit and not fucking take a hot one. Well how many have we named so far? Seriously, 12, 15? your shit and not fucking take a hot one. Well how many have we named so far? Seriously, 12, 15? You gotta have Tim Dillon, Vahim Anwar. There's black comic, there's probably a hundred people in the black comedy.

This is so far away from our original topic, which were old comics that come back that stink. No, the original topic was my blood pressure, which we haven't gotten back to. What else you gotta talk about? 131 over 84, baby! Jesus fuck! who cares? 131

comic How many nicks Nick Mullin Nick Mullin Stavros kills he's Fucking killer dude. Yeah Stavros Nick Nick DePaulo Is there anything we're only naming my wife? Is there all is there anything we're leaving? I love that we're only naming straight white men. Mike Bacchione. Is there anything left on you? David Tell. You're under 20. A Tell.

No we're not, we're probably at 30. We're just naming people at the top of our head. You just said 39, you're not even 39. You've named fucking under 20 communities. This is the problem with this generation of comics. They put it on such a peddle. Gary Gullman. We are clowns.

Yes. This is not a fucking, we're not doctors. We're not like fucking elite brain surgeons. Here's this fucking speech. Please tell us what you think. What? What? Fucking idiots.

We're not doctors. That was such a wind up where he goes, yeah, please, have a conversation with three of you friends in a relaxed setting. Into a microphone. Maybe try to do bits. Gary Goldman. It's got a bit. Gary Goldman, Dane Cook, Mark Maron, Nate Bargatze,

Maria Bamford. Yeah. Still under... So you're saying these people kill the whole time, our... Everyone that we've named so far has killed. Bamford's not a good one? That's a joke. Because he was the first woman we named. Sure, dude.

I love Banford. You don't understand. This is the hardest job on Earth. Dude, we're clans, man. No, I believe that. It's silly goose hour. Get the fuck out of the way. We're not that.

This is this old school, like, they're at the cellar. They think they're the fuck on top of the world. It's over. Louis. Jerry Seinfeld. There he is. Jacob. Billy Gardell The guy was a murderer

He goes you guys ever see my H1C colitis commercial I've been doing joderosa and has nothing to do with the seller It's talking about who is the fucking upper echelon who can really? Yeah, upper echelon is a very specific who can really say it for an hour. Yeah. What'd you say? Well, I think we're at like 60 now. No, it's 60. You've named under fucking 25. We're just naming New York guys. There's also, I went LA. I just, I just, you guys, when I, you guys remember when I did that really bad, Donald Trump and I, you know, and then you guys got mad at me. Remember I did for he, you got mad at us. Aaron Burr. We didn't get

mad at you. We were laughing. I mean, it's crazy. The amount of comics Adam Ray fucking, uh, Orson Welles, Santino, Santino by Santino kills. Very good. Three. We're like 70 now. You can be adding 10. Go back. How many have we named? You think they're going do that Yeah, you can get a lot you think we're gonna do that. It took me 18 requests to get rosette three bars Braff who? We're not talking magicians We haven't done Asians yet Ronnie Chang. There's literally only like 30 magicians that are great out there though. Yeah, that is Yeah, they should be bragging like comics, right? Yeah, there's like 30 good magicians. are great out there though. Yeah, that is true. Yeah, they should be bragging like comics. Yeah, there's like 30 good magicians. Who's the magician? Who's the

Joe Rogan of magicians? Penn and teller rule. I saw their show in Vegas. Penn and teller. Penn and teller. Who's the richest magician? Isn't it? What's his angel? No, no, no. Copperfield. He's a cop. Yeah. Copperfield is a self-made billionaire. Copperfield owns an island where he does. Copperfield was also on like the fucking Epstein list of shit, dude. Copperfield... I would get on that.

I'd go to that island. I would let him molest me. Look at Danny's excited. We're talking magic now. It's like, oh my god! David Copperfield owns an island and he can move it anywhere on the earth he wants. Yeah, he turned an island into a fucking... Go ahead.

He just has to close his eyes and put his fingers in the hole. Just go ahead. Just pass the joke. Is that a new game we've planned? Pass the joke? Pass the joke. Is that a new game we play? Pass the joke? Statue of Liberty Fucking Harry Houdini is on this list

Look at that head Who's number one? Is this just a list? Yeah it's just Harry Houdini and Val Vernon are on there The richest, bring up the richest magician Let's get into Shim Lim Shim Lim is worth a wild amount of money I love Shang Wang

He was just here, another comic, put him on the list. Louis Katz. Absolutely. Louis Katz, put him on the list. Yeah. What? I mean, Ian Finance kills for an hour. Ari Schaffer.

Ian kills for an hour. Ari Schaffer. I mean, we're at 489 right now. You guys are fucking mentally ill. Yeah. Greg Rokell. You know what I don't understand is why women are out of the kitchen vote for Trump

Why are we doing this what he's toes the you know the guy Goes last at the mothership the guys fucking hilarious, you know, right? Holtzman Brian Holtzman that guy murders. Yeah Yeah, yep Yeah, Bob Louis CK forgot about him. Oh, yes true's true. Bill Burr. Andrew Dice Clay. I said Bill Burr. Chris Rock. He's talking backpacks, but he's murdering. He is murdering. Cause these stuff, the phones, what are you showing me, your face on the phone?

Yeah, there's- You said 300. Dave Ciappelli. You haven't even broken fucking 50. What if- Fuckface, we're just off the dominant right now. What if Dice Clay had dementia? First of all, stop insulting. Just use your words. You need to add fuckface. I'm insulting with my words. You're a fuck. I'm using my words.

I didn't hit you. Just calm down. You haven't done, you haven't done 50. You haven't done 50. We're at 50. We're easy at 50. Off our domes, we're at 50. I swear to God, you're probably at maybe 49. We're at 50. No, we're at 50. You know, I swear to God you probably have maybe 49 We're at 50. No, it's the problem with everything. The old guard won't let go what yeah, seriously What'd you say? I said the old guard won't let go what I said the old guard won't let go. Oh, yeah Brian Regan we left off Jimmy Schubert Jimmy Carr Jim Jeffries You guys Jim Jeffries you guys have been Jim Jeffries. You guys are being Jim Jeffries. Jams, dude. Jimmy Jam Jam.

Yeah. You still haven't fucking named 300. We're at 578. Well, 400. We said 400. He said fucking 9,000. I guarantee you there's 300 fucking headliners that kill. Make me retarded. I'm going to get you a list.

Use AI. Get the list. Plus there's all the ones in regular cities that we don't even know Lewis got so happy when I told him to use AI I go AI use the list Plus he's like you deep seek Dude don't you're gonna get in trouble You're gonna get arrested

Think about local guys Tony V, Mike Donovan, Don Gavin What about Dan Natterman? Dan Natterman! Aruba Ray Now we're go. Now we're in it. Now we're in it. Here, chat GPT in one second. Give me 300 comedy headlines. Hey, a lot. Back to your blood pressure. So what's going on? 131 over 84. That's good. Is that it? You changed your diet. You stopped eating like a three year old?

No, I eat like a three-year-old But I have bananas Chappelle Kevin Hart Seinfeld Gaffigan Sebastian Schumer Malini Hassan Minhaj Gabriel Glacier Ali Wong Tom Segura Stop stop every single one of those you agree is a sick. Oh my god. I didn't say sick Oh my god, I said they kill for an hour. Oh yes, every single person that I just named is kills for an hour Can I tell you guys another inside joke we have at our house? Yeah, very fun. You're a fucking phony You're not a real ass dude, you're a fake ass dude, you're a fake ass dude Oh, it's really good and I won't vote for you do this. I don't vote Joe Coy Taylor Tomlinson, Jeff Dunham,

Trevor Noah, Steve Martin, Jay Leno, Steve Martin, we can cross off the list. Foxworthy, Ron White, Kevin Nealon, Ray Romano, Ray Romano,

Tracy Morgan, Louis Black, I'll be Tracy Morgan! Of course. Ramonos. Ramonos. Where am I? Smash. Tracy Morgan. Louis Black. I'll be Tracy Morgan. I hate everything. By the way, someone said something. Stanholtz.

Norton. Schultz. Did you guys see Kanye's tweets? I did. They were crazy. Someone said you can turn him into a 30 Rock joke if you just put, hey, Liz Lemon before all of his tweets. It sounds like Tracy.

Is he out of money? Because he just did a thing where he- No, he's very rich. He took all this. He had the grill in and he goes, I just used all my money for this. Go to yeas.com. And that was just it. Like he's trying to get people to go to his website. Pretty funny though. Let's see. Has any of us been named in chat? GPTs? No, no, no. Met McCusker, Kurt Metzger,

Jordan Jensen. I mean really everybody except for the regs. There you go. Dan Soder? Uh-oh. Dan Soder. Oh! Edgy and alternative comics. What?

Dan Soder's on that list. You're edgelord. Ah! Ha ha ha! So is Michelle Wolf, and she's not an edgelord. Michelle Wolf? Reggie Watts is far from an edgelord. You're an edgelord.

But he's alternative. You're alternative, Dan. Yeah. All Dan. Hey. Hey. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. I was thinking about this.

You guys can catch me over at Roosters in Brooklyn. Colin Quinn, David Spade. You know, I don't know. I'm on the fucking list. David Spade. Yeah. Killer. We're already a killer. He's a killer. T.J. Miller. I mean, killers, T.J.

Miller, killers, murderers, murderers. They're all murderers They're murdering people They're murdering these Mexican why is Dave Soder the only one on the list you're You think you're gonna find your name on this my chat GPT they know I'm a comic doesn't know you're a stand-up Sooms they don't want you listed cuz you're like, don't give me, it's me, right? No, this doesn't know you. Come on, guys, come on.

He's looking at his phone. Look at Brendan Chalb on this list. Oh! Killer. Later, dog. He's a killer. He's a little killer, but I like him. He doesn't even do it anymore and he's a murderer.

He doesn't do it, he's small, but he kills. Brendan Sagalow. Sagalow, Sag Daddy. Sag Daddy's killing it. Sag Daddy the God. He's killing it with rap and comedy. There you go. The breathe out.

I wish I could just have that isolated. You're wrong, I'm right, boo. Hold on. Dude, you're gonna keep looking at this list. He will, he'll find it. What about Joe List, Robert Kelly, or Luis J. Gomez? I don't consider them killers, you f-----. Robert is too old.

Are absolutely headliners in the comedy world, especially in the club and podcast circuits. Joe List, a killer writer with great observational and self-deprecating humor, regular at the stand at the Comedy Cellar, plus his Netflix special. He doesn't have a Netflix special? He does. He does. I have a half-hour Netflix seven years. Oh, share standups. Yeah, that's right. Robert Kelly, a veteran with decades in the game known for his, you know what, dude podcast killer crowdwork and being one of the best comics to ever do it. You know, first of all, you know what, dude, you're not the dude. Yeah. You know what, dude, it's my thing. Louis J. Gomez,

a raw fearless headliner who built Legion of skanks into a powerhouse brand. Skankfest is one of the biggest underground comedy festivals. He sells out clubs nationwide, sometimes like one or two shows a week. That's pretty sick. Thursdays. No, I wish I could sell out Thursdays. I wish he would fucking cancel on Thursdays

and push those people. Thursdays are the last to go. Thursdays are rough. Yeah, Thursdays, gotta get rid of Thursdays. Just do Friday, Saturday. That's what happened in rumors this week. I couldn't get out, my flight was canceled, so they had to push all those tickets to Friday, Saturday.

How good are those shows? Sold out one of them. Get rid of Thursdays. That's a good club. It's a great club. They love you. Tyler's great. They love you.

Did he mention me? Austin, the bartender rules. Said nothing about you. Austin's got our names tattooed on him now. I signed his arm and then Tyler showed it to me. He's a huge fan of you, me, Big Jay. Not these guys. No, they don't like me.

So Big Jay's party was killer? They, he doesn't, they don't like me. So Big Jay's party was killer? When I went up there, the owner came up to me and he goes... Big Jay had a Super Bowl party and didn't invite me. He wasn't going to have a Super Bowl party. He goes, I'm in the middle of fucking fuckface. He really is just a fucking loser. Actually, he said Big Jay's Super Bowl party, then you started to fucking yap.

When I went up there, the guy, the owner of the club. The older guy? Yes, little tiny guy. Yeah, yeah. He goes, why don't you do Thursdays? I was like, what? He goes, why don't you do Thursdays? What's up with that?

You only do Fridays and Saturdays. I go, I can't, I couldn't do it. He's like, yeah. I was like, yeah. He's like, all right. And he walked away, I'm like, fuck this. You had to use, I think that guy's just not, I think that guy's just, you had to hit me to get that out. Hold on, I think he, I think like, yeah. And he was like, all right. And he walked away. I'm like, fuck this. You had to use, I think that guy's just not, I think that guy's just,

you had to hit me to get that out. Hold on. I think he, I think he, Use your words. I don't think he, hold on. Bobby, right here.

I think that guy comes off wrong because I was watching the Royal Rumble and he clearly could see I was watching wrestling. But he like sat down and started talking to me and I was like, hey, I was like, nice or whatever me and I was like, hey, I was nice or whatever. And I was like, yeah, I'm just watching this. It's about to end and it's getting intense. And then he goes, it's not real.

And I was like, what? He was like, that's not real. I go, dude, I spent 42 years defending, you think I can't walk you down why I enjoy wrestling? But I think he just says the wrong stuff at the wrong time. That was weird. I mean- Is this for rumors? Yeah.

I mean, I sold three tickets the whole weekend. That might've had an effect on my relationship at the wrong. I was weird. I mean is for rumors. Yeah, I mean I sold three tickets the whole weekend That might have had an effect on my relationship with the club Why no Thursdays? And then Voss was up. That's the club where he Voss got yeah canceled It was funny as I had natives in the crowd and I was just trashing them the whole time I was like they banned Voss for this everyone's like yeah If they look like a native if they complain complain, what the fuck does that mean? You look like an American Indian.

Okay. Ho. How? How? You said it wrong. You said ho. They say ho too, I think. Ho, ho.

Ho, ho. Ho. Ho. The horses go to the west. I'll tell you how, your thin eyebrows. Wow. Where is it? Give him the bomb, Dan.

I don't know where it is. Yeah, I've been waiting for you to get rid of this bad boy for a while. Did he get eyebrows? He got fucking Native American eyebrows? What does that even make sense? I mean, do the math. He has drag queen eyebrows. Me and all of you and all the comics I know wear Sheet Thunderwear exclusively. Period. End of conversation.

That's a lie. That's all I wear. I wear them. I wear them. I'm wearing Hanes right now. Wow. Asshole really- Asshole, just play along. Do it. I don't lie. You're from an improv background. You're a natural improv. I don't lie. Well, I guarantee my underwear are more comfortable and better looking than yours. And I bet your balls are probably stuck to your fucking dick and your leg. Mine aren't. They are. Yeah. Your balls would thank you,

dude. Sheath underwear, not only do they have great styles, great comfort, moisture wicking shit, all that stuff. That's the key! But they separate your ball bag and your penis. You put your dick in the little hole, you put your balls in the hole, you look like a goddamn underwear model. I just put my balls in, I can't really get my dick in. And when you take it.

Bob is gonna rock one out, take it his dick hard. Come on, get these undies on. I actually put my balls in my dick together. Like it's in a little mush. Like a little package. A little casserole. The collars are amazing though. The collars are the best underwear out there.

Yeah. I mean, look at that. They really. Ooh, I got the same ones. I got the purples. The thing that they don't talk about too, when you take your dick out of a little hole, it feels nice.

That's never in the copy. It's not designed. You can fuck your underwear. Yes, literally. You know what? They don't tell you that you can actually fuck your underwear. You don't do it feels nice that's never in the copy yeah not designed and you can fuck your underwear yes literally you know they don't tell you that you could actually fuck your underwear that when you take another guy's cock out of the underwear absolutely and then he shivers he shivers and how about this Robert Patton the guy that invented them invented in Iraq Iraq veteran you're supporting a US military vet Iraq my balls inside of my underwear. Hello. And he's a real fan. He's at all the stuff.

He's an actual fan. Yeah, Skankfest sponsors send me underwear. You guys didn't understand from the beginning that I was setting this up as a commercial. You didn't get your underwear? No. There's no way you're underwearing. I just got mine.

That's impossible. You don't have any sheath underwear. You don't have any sheath underwear. I have 300 pair of underwear. You're the Joe List small batch. Small batch. Yeah. Oh, where are your cigars I gave you? I put them in my bag over there. One of them. You're the Joe List small batch. Oh, where are your cigars I gave you?

I put them in my bag over there. You can put a cigar in the hole in your underwear. I'm sorry, I brought one for Lewis. Oh, I love a cigar. I brought you one. Let's smoke in here one episode. Come on, Bob. Let's fucking do it.

Light it up. Let's smoke weed. Yes. Let's smoke weed. I don't smoke weed anymore, you drug addict. Guys, go to sheathunderwear.com and use code REGS to get 20% off your first order plus Sheath Underwear. That's REGS with a Z.

Plus Sheath Underwear is 100% money back guarantee. That's sheathunderwear.com, promo code REGS with a Z. Get Sheath Underwear, support the show, support your balls. Who was at the fucking party? Oh, the party was, good party. Vecchione. Vecchione and Katie. They, Josh.

I'm texting Jay right now. Josh. Adam Meyer. Vecchione, Katieecchione and Katie. Josh. I'm texting Jay right now. Josh. Adam Meyer. Vecchione, Katie, Mike, Fanoia. Yeah, and then Katie. And then Katie. And then Bobby and Max. I brought Max.

Nice little group. And Isabella. There's only thing worse than bringing me, because Josh probably brought his dog. The only thing worse than bringing your dog is bringing your child. Nobody wants to hang out with a child. I had a good time hanging out with Max.

Josh's dog, Fanoia, made this big deal that he brought these stuffed peppers from Connecticut, which were very good. And he put them on the table, and they were watching the game, and Josh's dog just walks over and goes, and starts licking the plate, and only Katie and I saw it,

and we're like, well, those peppers are out now and then someone Jay was walking Over he goes a little pepper and then Katie goes Josh's dog lick those and he was like fuck it was my dog lick Yeah, it was funny. We're just Well, I couldn't have made it anywhere to the party because I was stuck on an airplane there you go So what do you matter? I just wanted the invite. They've well, here's the good subs I voodooed him into getting an invite Jay hadn't answered any of my texts or my calls and I wrote if you don't answer I Left him a message

I was like if you don't answer this if you don't respond to this the Eagles will lose to the Chiefs in the Super Bowl It has been cursed and then immediately call me back and he's like don't curse the Eagles like that. I'm kidding I don't want an invite and I didn't get an invite because I hate football and it's gay. You guys, I had VIP seats on the couch and then you guys came and I got bumped to the fucking side. I sat up perched when Isabella showed up. I was in the back by the way.

But Josh picked his seat two weeks out, which was annoying. What? He was like, I get my seat. And I was like, what? He's like, my seat, the round one, next to the, I sit next to Jay, I'm like, dude, you know you're in your late 40s, right?

Yeah, there was a point where I had to shut him up last night because he was going, what are your things gonna happen in the off season? Do you think the Washington Command is? And I shut up. I'm watching a game right now. Jay brings people that love to ask questions while you're trying to do something.

That's why I don't like a Super Bowl party. I like to watch, take it in, hear it. Yes. If it's my team, I can't watch it without people around. Oh, forget about it. I can't watch. Football? Because you don't understand it? I understand. Do you think it's that hard to understand? Yeah, chick brain. You know, stupid fucking f***. It's like football.

You like watching naked sweaty men grab each other. I don't even watch MMA anymore I don't watch other men playing games that is done with it. That is such a dumb take. You're such an alpha. You're a dumb person Joe just had a mouth even though sarcastic, but I really appreciate he's being a hundred percent. It's alpha Oh, yeah, really cool. Oh, it was really cool. Sorry, dude. I can't watch someone else do so that was like when you text I don't do anything for fun. It's something I'm doing. I really don't. I really don't. I just okay. I don't. I think we're watching stand up or movies gay or by that. Yeah, you're watching men wearing makeup. I rarely watch movies.

What do you do play video games? I don't play video games. Why is that day to work? I'm gay. Oh, I can't. What do you lift weights? Yeah, I'm working on myself. Yeah. Are you just gettingpped for another man to enter you? I like that all three of us have leaned in to defeat Lewis. Yeah, bring it on baby. You guys watched men play with balls yesterday and you're fucking telling me they didn't. We got together and we ate, we had fun.

Oh my God, laughs. It was all of Jay's closest friends. Yeah, Max rules. Max loves, you guys are fucking having a blast yesterday. Yeah, I was watching, making fun of Max and his glasses, his brain music. You were cracking him up, man. He was talking about you on the way home.

He was so happy. Killing it. It loves you. James loves Dan too. He was watching his comedy. We went to get burgers two weekends ago and we listened to Dan Soder's HBO special, the album version.

Woo! He really dug it. Yes, shout out, James. Shout out, Max. Max keeps getting things that look like Louis. And he keeps going, send it to me, going, Louis J. Gomez in the wild. We were at a hotel on Saturday night,

and he looked out the window. And there was a guy lying in the hotel room bed like this, just a shirt on, with a sandwich and a computer, and he goes, Dad, Dad, Dad, I go, what? He goes, Louis J. Gomez in the wild. And I look up. That's what you do. You lay in your back eating sandwiches.

I'm jacked. Jacked off. Jacked off. Tell your fucking kid to clean his eyeballs. I'm fucking jacked. I was making fun of Max because he had those glasses on. He was asking information. He was like, what's the weather outside?

And then he was like, it's 36 degrees outside. And you're like, what the fuck are you doing with those glasses? Ah, dude, that's so funny how mad you were getting. Louis James Gomez in the wild. So no movies, no sports. I watched Nosferatu last night. That sucked. It sucked.

I liked it. Lily Rose Depp's tits. Oh, there's tits in it? Yeah, there are tits. And peen. When he gets up out, he's like, I was sleeping! He's like, it is cold outside. Nosferatu. He cocks like you?

Sounds like it has my Nosferatu favorite things. Dick and penis. Look at my penis. Look at my dead penis. I liked it. I really did. Oh, when he was sucking her chest, he's like, And she's like, And they're like, don't do not. He is feeding Willem Dafoeoe just completely unhinged in that

movie. Oh, he's great. Great. I don't know. The movie kind of doctor. Yeah. William Defoe. He's the vampire. You're saying it sucked. Now hurt my feelings. Yeah. Lewis. I genuinely was disappointed because I heard it was great. Have you guys seen baby girl? No, we're on another movie right now. What are you talking about? It's going to take over the movie conversation. You guys ever watch a date or a walk in the Fair Forest? It's Nicole Kidman.

You guys ever watch kite flyers? Pretending to be a dog. The guy's making her pretend to be a dog. We got that scene, can we bring that up? Can we bring up Roseanne rapping again? What's the name of the movie? Baby Girl. She's hot.

She's fully nude. She's like 60 years old and there's a young guy fingering her from behind like this he's like bark like a dog he makes her eat milk out of a plate you know eat milk spoiled you know she good yeah yeah she does like a dog it's like a dog or does she go like movie don't do that it's gross go like movie? Don't do that. It's gross. Or did she go? While she's getting fingered so it's both noises It's hot 60 years old 60 years old just getting cranked on her fingers I want to fuck that's a girl and I will 13 years finger fucker girl finger fuck an old girl It's like trying to fucking put your fingers in a rubber, dude

They don't get slicked up at all you get lube. I've been using lube for 10 years. What? Lube? Yeah. Your girl doesn't get wet. You have a medical issue. You get lube. Lube's, it's fucking designed for sex. Yeah, it's got feet warts. It prevents you from fucking getting... She tries that.

Because if I don't, there's traction. You get wet. If we forget to pack the lube, you go old school, you fucking eat her pussy, you finger a little... You use lube every time. We just got demonetized. Not every time. I never use lube. They used to lube to jerk off.

That's because you're fucking 18 year old TikTok girls that you don't even care about. Whoa! Whoa! She's not 18, she looks it. Yo, Drake. These guys are having sex with young girls. The chicks have backpacks.

Why are the girls wearing backpacks? It's a Hello Kitty backpack. I've been committed to the same woman for decades. And her pussy's dry. It's not dry. Don't dry. Don't dry, dry. So if you fuck a guy in the ass,

you're not gonna use lube? Of course I am. You spit. Brokeback Mountain style. Have we talked about Brokeback Mountain on this? No. It'd be crazy if it goes a little something like this. Yeah, your girls are all young and it's the first time you fuck them.

You've been with the same girls for years. They're all wet as a fucking toilet. Dude, Louis only picks the freshest fruit off the tree. That's because Louis's dick is all slimy. Yeah, I mean, I guess if my dick was covered in herpes. Whoa. Wow. It's not covered.

Is it covered? How much? You should cover it up, you fucking dirty dick bitch. Whoa. I said that was mean. It's mean. It was not unnecessary. And you know what? Your dick is dirty too. Yeah. Oh I got herpes from fucking women No fucking one dirty pig on a playground. No, it was a couple dirty pigs. No you know the one that gave it to you though

I actually don't. Yeah, I thought you did. It's one or two. It was a red Oh could be another gal. Was it a redhead? No, no red. No. We could track her down. You're a red bleeding pussy. Hey, ew. Hey. Oh.

Yeah. Yeah, no, I mean, I'll use lube if I wear a condom. Sometimes I'll use some lube. Or we have a butt plug sometimes. Oh yeah? If we butt plug it up. Who's we, you and James? Share it.

Whoa. That's a fucking child, dude. Yeah, the way you like it. What are you, a pedophile? Wow. What are you, a fucking child dude. Yeah, the way you like. Are you a pedophile? Wow. What are you fucking? Don't fucking. Don't say that. Excuse me being a pedophile. Uh, no. Yeah. Sometimes I use a butt plug on a woman. I would, I lube that, I lube that up while you're doing it. He goes, so I'm thinking you never use a butt plug. You never use a butt plug. Nope. I use a lip. That's how I charge my phone. Why would you use a butt plug? No, you never use a butt plug. No, I use a bug. That's how I charge my phone.

Folks, why would you run? Why? Why do you put a butt plug in them? So she doesn't shit on his tits. Why are you putting a bug in your girls? Girls like it. Girls like a butt plug. They like things and it also makes their bus even tighter, dude. It presses the pussy down. That's right. So you're like it's fucking your sell your own butt plugs. I use a thumb. That's great. I'll use a thumb too, but a butt plug is better. Who washes the butt plug when you're done. I do take it to the sink. Throw it in. You have yellow gloves on doctor about your day. You take it out. There's a little bit of poop on the

end. I was like my doctor's finger when he was searching my prostate. I went buddy, I'm kind of locked and loaded right now, I don't think this is the time or the place. If I pull, I fucking dump her, I'd never see her again. Dump her? Fuck yeah! Yeah!

Yes! You guys on fire. Yes. Ugh. What, there's poop on the butt plug? Yeah, if I pulled out a butt plug and there was poop on it, I would go like this. I'd be like, you gotta go.

You gotta go. You just say you gotta go? Yeah, you gotta beat it. Would you throw it at her? She's like, that plug and there was poop on it, I go like this. I'd be like you gotta go You say you gotta go. Yeah, you throw it at her The shit belong if you fuck her in the pussy and take your dick out in this shit in there then you break up She's dying She's something seriously wrong with that woman poo is supposed to be in the ass. Yeah. That's very good, Joe. Here's the thing, you ever try to put a finger on a girl and she's like, no, not now. That's because she's fucking dealing with some fucking stomach shit.

I go, do you need to go blow one out, come back, get a little hollowed out? I like to- Wait, stick your finger in her ass and she's like, not right now? Yeah. That's because she's got toots? Yeah, that's because she's fucking

got a little poop in her butt. Toot sweet. What girl doesn't shit right before sex though? That's a weird thing to time out. You go, oh, is this going where I think it's going? Hold on, I gotta take a massive double. What is this? Oh my God.

Three hours later. What is your fucking timing? We're on a new topic. I don't know, but I can't wait to watch you drink that. No, no, no, no, no. I'm mad. I'm mad. I'm mad.

Look at those giant hits on that video of the lady second down. Sweet Christ. Make it big. Christ in her crop top. Look at those hits. I'm going to say this. And this is Joe. Explain this to us.

Give us some context. So this is baby girl. She's been married to... Is that Nicole Kidman? Yeah, it's Nicole Kidman. That's what I'm saying. She's 60. You don't listen to what he was saying.

No, I don't hear him. Wait, but this is just the opening scene. This is gross. She's like... This is the scene This is the movies, but it's hot. Oh, yeah, she's gonna run and jerk off after this She's fucking Antonio Banderas. She can't come when they have sex. She's wearing a wig They don't even show her nude. Oh, so this is all her nude scenes, but they don't really show it. Okay Yeah, so he falls asleep, but she's gonna go like that gap rub one out. That's a good gap This is a good boy. I thought it nice but she goes in here. She's gonna watch a little porn and fucking diddle does the little fappening. I Hate that orange nightgown damn. She knows exactly what clip she wants to bring. She brought up the regs

It's just us anyways a small bag cigar She's doing it on her stomach. Yeah, it's hot how She's gonna put her hand down there like underneath or from behind Like down the middle. Yeah, it's hot. How? She's going to put her hand down there. Like underneath or from behind? Like down the middle. Oh, OK. OK. OK, nice butt, old lady. Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa! Oh! Yeah, baby! I feel like Scotty in Boogie Night's Holdin' the Boom, Mike. I'm like, I'm an idiot. Whose car is that out for? It says, this whole movie, she's like a horny old lady.

Yeah. She's a horny old lady. And then she meets, she gets like a 22-year-old intern who's like this, why don't you get on your knees like a dog. And he makes her act like a dog, and he fingers her, and she's like the best. So they have this long affair. It's the hottest thing I've ever had.

It's all I want in my life. I want my wife to fuck a 22-year-old. What? You love that. Yeah, baby. You want to get cucked, dude? I don't want that. Let's fucking kill him. I'm like this. Yeah, I'm in the corner Fuck oh, I take his dick and rubs into my face. Yeah Take that he comes in your mouth. Yeah, Joe goes then we run away to France and we just live together We just live together, but fucking nightly

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the winter green and the mango is hot too. Coffee in the morning. Little espresso. I haven't had the mango. I don't like mango. I don't want a mango guy, but this winter green blew my tits off. What is your strength though? That's what tells you what type of man you are. I go two. I'm a pussy. I go two. Yeah, well, I'm a- I just dabble. I'm a 12. have 12 what are you two sixes I suck it

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Nicotine is an addictive chemical. I would like a neighborhood dahlions. What's that? You wanna put pineapples on your lawn. It's like, you know, one of the, like somebody else's wife who walks the dog, we say hi for a while and then one day it's like, hey, I got to say, can you help?

And I go over and make out in her fucking garage while husband's away. Damn, you just want to cheat on your wife with a neighbor. Little bit. Yeah, of course. Called it a dalliance. You know, like a romantic, sexy name. It's like, you just want to cheat on your wife.

Here's a lady that lives two doors down to the left. And you go, Bobby, I think you have someone specific picked out. I was in Montreal this week. I walked by the new room massage place. I told you about the new room. I told you. I saw it, and I was like, this is what fucking Louis is

talking about. Did you go? No, I didn't go, but it's only like $150. How do you know? Because I looked it up. Yeah. Joe cheated. Joe cheated. Joe cheated. Joe cheated.

That's how you got foot warts. Here's what I don't understand. Are you naked too? Yeah. Stop acting like you weren't. They must have. He's like, are you naked? So just like, is there like oils?

Do you take your penis out and they touch it? Are there oils involved? I know it's $150, but listen, can you cumsies? No, because my friend that I was with, Matt Wayne, he said, he's like, it's gotta be like 500 bucks. And I'm like, I don't think it's 500 bucks. But I don't, but if you're naked, they must like, 20% of them must get raped.

I feel like guys, if they were doing the thing, they'd be like this, fuck it, just take it. It's not how society works. Oh, it worked. But if I'm completely naked and there's a naked woman avoiding me, I'm ready. Sweet Christ. No wonder they gave you the body of you.

If you had Louis' body, you'd just be a serial therapist. Oh, yeah, I'm not strong enough to rape women. I don't think you are. Not every woman. No. Hold on. Yeah, you could just be perfect.

Yeah, you could be Louis. 30%. Judy Gold, you'd have a hard time. Judy Gold would fuck you. How come I don't have a water? I'm the only on, hold on. Yeah, you couldn't just be perfect. Yeah, you'd go like this, Louis. 30%. Judy Gold, you'd have a hard time. Judy Gold would you. How come I don't have a water? I'm the only one without a water. I'm getting hot on the collar. I took yours because I threw mine at Louis. Oh, right.

Can I get a cold water, cold water, cold water? Cold water here! But are you sure the guy's naked? Yes. Did you do it? I didn't do it, but I've done a Neurot massage before. And they just oil them with the rub on you. They rub their tits on you,

and then you'd pay them more money to fuck them. I've done it. I've done it. You've done a Neurot before and they just oil on the oil other tits on you and then you'd pay them More money to fuck them. I've done it. I've done it. You've done a new row You I did the one where you go and you have to leave your shoes at the front and then you pick not Joe though They're like Joe put your shoes back on keep your shoes on you have you you go to your feet Oh, you have a what? Bobby just got sushi at a restaurant Yeah, you guys they bring you first they bring you a soup and it looks like it's filled with- You go to the computer and you pick the girl. What? You can pick the chick. Yeah. Pick the girl. And then you go in the room and then they come in. Like language when you order a sandwich?

Yeah, you want this one or that one, a redhead, a brunette, you know, blah blah blah, a French one, blah blah. Slanty eyes, slanty eyes, slanty eyes. No, no, mine was all regular chicks. White? Round eyes! No, no Asians was all regular White round eyes no no Asians regular chicks Can I get a real human please Do you guys have the almond die menu back there? I want a full legit person here And then you go in and they they oil you up and they oil them up and they just slide all over you But you're both naked both naked. There's there a chance of the dick slipping into the- No, there's no chance you're going to accidentally fuck her, Joe.

They just, you don't- Joe's talking about it like we're 12 years old at the bus stop. You're naked and she's naked and you don't go inside the lady? This doesn't seem really close to sex. Joe, do you like sushi? You can go to the hot tub after too and hang out with them a little more and then they'll bring you back in and you know, do what you, you you know get you. Well this place said it's on the website don't even think about asking us this is massage. They always say that they say keep

your pants on during massages in those massage places too. That just kicks them off. Mr. you're not allowed to do that. And we're free. Alright so now we're talking in a different tax. They also have shoe size in there all the girls it clicks and it says like breast size, ethnicity, and then foot size. Hell yeah. They were all eight to nine. Guys are into feet.

I like a nice small foot. Can you do it by filters, like feet size or tit size? A nine is a big foot. They were all eights and nines, that's what I said. That's crazy, you gotta get a six. A five, a six. I like a nice little foot. The dinosaur from the Lambert time.

I like a little foot. You remember a little foot? You remember a little foot? No, you don't a nice little foot. Yeah the dinosaur from the lamp A solid joke. Yeah You're not gonna like my do we've ever in 15 minutes pull up a little foot, please They're not gonna like my ducky reference You get it. I'm a right off the tuition Pizza Hut. Yeah Yes, dude land before. Land before time. Land before time, guys. Football's gay.

Well, paleontology is definitely not gay. A massage parlour's all Asian now? No. You have Spanish ones? No, I mean, you can go to like a real massage parlour, most of the time they're not even Asian, but I went to an amazing massage parlor on 13th and 2nd And I thought I was gonna rub and talk because the one was grabbing my ass meat and fucking getting everything in there

There's a little foot Mom died it is the beginning of land status dude every fucking cartoon when we were growing up They just kill one of the parents right in the beginning and then for those of us that actually had dead parents were like Everyone else just live vicariously. It's like, no, no, I've really been through this. I bet you're done that. No need to watch my cartoon dinosaurs go through it. Yeah.

I don't remember it. You don't remember it in Land Before Time? Well, he was like zero, 42 years old when it came out. Is that, oh, is that the little guy, the little? The little foot, yes. No, what's the? Because it was a dinosaur. Yeah, we did.

He's a little something, you know, whatever they call him. Land Before Time. He couldn't yes. No, what's the... Because there was a dinosaur, yeah. He's a little something, you know, whatever they call him. No, but land before time... He couldn't headline. His what? He's not one of the headliners. His what? Dude, name me fucking four small dinosaurs

that can headline for an hour. Give me seven types of dinosaurs that can headline, dude. Duckies doing at least 15 minutes. All right, pterodactyl, name another. Pterodactyl actually just found out, not a dinosaur. What is, it's a bird. What is uh, what is Land Before Time? What is it?

It's about dinosaurs. Is it a cartoon? Yes, cartoon dinosaur movie. Didn't they have one, what was the one that was a live action? Jurassic Park. No, with the TV show back in the day. Jurassic Park.

The dinosaurs. No, dinosaurs, not the mama. No, Land Before Time with the little choo-choo-key. Oh, I know, you're talking about, you're talking about the the little Chookee. Oh, I know. You're talking about the fucking. Chookee, that was the name of the girl at the Nubra place. I'll take Chookee with the size eights. Chookee with the double D's, get her oiled up.

Chubaka, what was his name? No, you're thinking of the one with the, there's the humans and then they had the little. Lee stacks. It was called like land before, it was like lost in time. Land of the lost. Land of the lost.

Land of the lost. Now they get headline. Kill for an hour straight. Assassins, murderers. Land of the lost. Fucking headline is. I think it's more than that. It is definitely more than that.

Greg Warren, Tommy Johnigan. There you go. Boom. Nikki Glaser. That's all just St. Louis. Hannah Berner. And we're done. Let's do some plugs. You plug. Okay. Lewis of skanks.com is a website. Comes to me on the bring five friends tour. This coming out next Wednesday.

Tonight, if you guys want to come see us at the Comedy Store, we're doing Story Wars at the Comedy Store. Crazy line at me and Big Jara in LA. Then this weekend I'll be at Wise Guys, Salt Lake City, Friday and Saturday. SelfBand Indiana's coming up in March. Rally. Rally. Rally North Carolina. It's Rally. Rally North Carolina. St. Catharines, Ontario, London, Ontario, Windsor, Ontario, Burlington, Ontario, Philadelphia. I got a lot of stuff coming. I'm going to do the Nashville Comedy Festival as well.

So go to lewisofskanks.com, grab those tickets. Check out all my other podcasts, The Lewis and Zach Show, Story Wars, The Legendary Legion of Skanks, and sign up for my mailing list. I do a bonus podcast, ifsign up for my mailing list. I do a bonus podcast if you sign up for my mailing list called the Lubus Journal podcast, my solo show. And yeah, that's that.

Ooh! Who's next? Ooh! Yo, hey, Joe List, March 7th and 8th, Nashville, Zanies, March 13th through the 15th, Tempe, Arizona, April 2nd, One Niner in Baltimore, April 10th through the 12th, Minneapolis, ACMEnd one-nighter in Baltimore April 10th to the 12th Minneapolis Acme April 19th the Wilbur Theatre that's a I don't want to

overwhelm the Wilbur baby a Wilbur almost sold out already a few months in advance I fucking love that dude yeah me too I love that for me Huntsville Alabama I will be at levity live Thursday through Saturday with Brendan sagalow sag daddy to God and then February 28th at the Balboa theater in San Diego. It's almost sold out So get your tickets if they're still available. We did move Los Angeles to the fall So I'll see you LA in the fall to United Theatre But I'm still at San Francisco Palace of Fine Arts March 2nd. That show close to sold out, so make sure you get tickets. Gilda's Fest in Grand Rapids. I'll be headlining there March 8th.

That's Saturday, March 8th. One show. And then I will see you, if you go see Shane, I'm opening for Mr. Shane Gillis in Colorado Springs in Utah. I'm gonna be part of that show, and then yeah, danceholder.com for full list of dates. Big announcement coming up on a tour at the end of the year. Now I heard about that, very exciting. All gay clubs. Punchup.live. Nope, Brady.

Go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. The 21st, I'm gonna be at Punchline Comedy Club in Philly to the 22nd. Then I'm going to Denver, February 27th. The Comedy Works, the 27th and 28th, and the March 1st. And then Mohegan Sun, March 6th, 7th, and 8th. And then I will be in Seattle, March 14th and 15th. And then Tampa Bay Florida.

I'm doing some shit. So go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly and then go to my YouTube page, youtube.com slash at Robert Kelly Comedy for all some stand up and bullshit in my special. There you go. And we're back. What's up guys?

Whoa, we're back. Anyways. And we're back. What's up, guys? Whoa, we're back. Um, anyways. Oh, man. Hey, hey, girl. What's up, fuckers? We're back. Topic? Who brought a topic? Why do you keep on sucking things? Why don't you mind your fucking business? Why don't you do something about it?

Why don't you do something about it? I will fuck you. Do it. Do it. I'll have sex with you. God, you guys have passionate love, man. Me and Louis would fuck. You guys would just be, oh my God. We should fuck and see who's the best fucker. Ass fucker? Did we all fuck each other in the ass?

We'd just come back sweaty in towels. Anyways, gotta give it the list. Really pounded my ass. At one point, I mean, he really got in there. What I liked about Louis fucking me is Louis fucked me missionary, so my dick rubbed against his belly, creating me to have a boner. Dan was on his phone the whole time

when he was fucking me? I go, embracing, embracing. We're always so sexual. Let's go clean. I think we do 10 straight minutes of clean property. Let's look at big natives He's huge. He made 82 million last year. You see his Super Bowl commercial. I did not I did store-dash Door-dash commercial and Shane had a commercial too. Yeah with Post Malone, but they released a commercial too. Yep with Ramsey Who did Pete Davidson? I thought that was Steve Kerr

Said it's similar. They do look so We're off and running, this is clean comedy. Clean comedy. I didn't think the commercials were that good. Sucked. They haven't been good in a long time. Don't say sucked. That's not, is that bad? Nate doesn't say sucked.

Oh my God. One time he was like, Nate was like, we're at JFL Toronto and he's like, do you wanna, hey man, you should come note for me. And we were on the ride over there and I go, can I say like, if I call crying face coming and he goes I mean no and I was like I don't think I can open for you I don't think I think it's like even so you this rules yeah you can't do any

dirty anything Nate's like church clean he doesn't he won't say sex but you thought coming was gonna be acceptable this This was five years ago face coming I know now not to say any of that but even then coming Could you open I used to open for him? Could you open for him now? No open the special who? I hope you guys open for him. Yeah, so I'm saying no there used to be a time had better sense There was a time where he was like you know you didn't have to yeah You didn't have to be clean to open for him right now't have to, you didn't have to be cleaned open for him. Now you have to be fucking squeaky clean.

Is this like a rule that- Self-imposed. Doesn't matter, like it's really not gonna- Well his family's coming. Children, yeah, children come and see him. I saw Nate in New Jersey at this like gorgeous fucking theater and he got Katie and I tickets where we were like kind of in like those balcony seats. 7,000 people however when he put, Nate's just fucking theater and he got Katie and I think it's where we were like kind of in like those balcony seats.

7,000 people. However, when he put Nate's just fucking murdering. And then I saw one 12 year old kid was with his family, just hating it. He was just sitting there like this and he wasn't allowed to look at his phone and he kept going, Katie, Nate's bombing. I told Nate after the show, he didn't find it funny. I was like, good set. A 12 year old in the audience. He's like, you saw me from counting my money for this. It's a money counter? That's a hundred thousand?

Another hundred, what's that? A 12 year old doesn't like me? Hey Dan, who cares? I'm swimming in it. I mean, if you look at the Super Bowl, there's a lot of comics that are making fucking a lot of money. I mean, Kevin Hart, Shane, Nate. None of them were headliners.

Bert. None of them could go for an hour. Bert did a thing where he was with Jameis Winston at the Super Bowl. It was very fun. They were like hanging, just him and Jameis Winston, and they had him mic'd up. I just watched a Bert video yesterday

where he bench pressed 325 pounds. Yeah. He's a gorilla. Yeah. How much can you bench, do you think? Just like 245. Whew. For three reps.

Damn, so you can maybe get up to like 280 on one. I don't think so. Really? Just one? Maybe. Just lock it out. Maybe 20 more pounds. Maybe 265 for one, but I don't even think so.

Yeah. You know what's gayer than watching football this. Yep watching Bart benchpress All right, that was the show folks perfect. Oh, that's good we out no, we're not out yet Great we're packing it up. So we're out of loose. Like no, no, no. So hungry. What are you going to eat? We also, I don't know. I'm starving. Do you like sushi? I'm going to get the chicken. Why do you keep asking that? I do like sushi. He asked me and I said yes and then he winked and now he's just bringing it up to everybody. I went to the best sushi restaurant in New York. Where? It was called Sushi by Scratch. There's one in Austin that I went to with Tim Dillon. And then I fucking. I'll tell you right now, you follow it

where Tim Dillon takes you to eat. Dude, this place was fucking fire. Takes you to fuck. Dude, this place fucking. Right around the corner, chicken and rice. I like it. That's the best sushi place? No, it's good chicken and rice.

It's clean. I like chicken and I like it. That's the best sushi place? No, it's good chicken and rice. It's clean. I like chicken and I like rice. This is a, what? I'm trying to follow how you got there. I like chicken and rice. I like chicken. Top restaurant you've ever eaten. Everybody, go.

Top restaurant? Number one, you went to the one in Norway, you and Ari Shafir, it's a Michelin restaurant. It's not Norway, it's fucking Denmark, Sweden, Finland. Whatever, you guys went there, Noma. No, no, no, Pupu, the best restaurant in the world. I know, but you got so excited I wanted to ruin it for you. Well, alright, you want best restaurant besides that.

Besides the bullshit story we already heard. What the fuck is that? I want something where we can all sink our teeth into. You're going to say fucking McDonald's and Mount Cisco? I like McDonald's a lot. What's the nicest one you've ever eaten? Why do I have to go, how come every time I've ever eaten I gotta go first?

Because you brought it up, like you fucking knew what you were gonna talk about. But usually the guy that brings up the topic has the fucking topic. Don't tell me what to do ever. I'm literally doing an impression of you. I'm finding the best restaurant I went to. Get off your phone, ugh!

That's you. That is absolutely. I'm more like, I'm more, dude, off your phone! That's you. That is absolutely. I'm more like that. I'm more, dude, get off your fucking phone. Yeah, that's me. I'm finding the best restaurant. Remember when Bobby would throw things at you for just being on your phone? Yeah, dude.

Yeah. I remember that. He was very abusive. I've never treated my friends and younger comics like that. Buddy, you treat everybody that works for you like that. You've called them stupid, dumb, retarded fuck faces since you've met them. There's a support group.

I'm sorry that I told the truth. There's a support group for people that worked at Gas Digital. Yeah, dude. You're a mean, you're the meanest boss around. You're a mean one. Louis J. You, yeah.

It's Nosferatu. Oh, what's that? It's Nosferatu. Nos, you are mean. You're a mean, you are a mean one. That means StarG Mr. Green. That's right. He breathes like that. Mr. Green.

You I they are. It's fun doing news for us to stop looking. What are you looking at? Oh, here it is right here. What are you doing? The best restaurant I've ever been to. What is it?

Is that your shit? Is that my mom's? That's your shit, you piece of shit. It's not shit. It looks like shit. Yeah, it does. It looks like a plate. I thought it was poop in a bowl.

Yeah. It's poop in a bowl. The best. Yeah, it does. It looks like a flavor. I thought it was poop in a bowl. It's poop in a bowl. The best restaurant I've ever been to. What is the restaurant? It's in Stockholm, Gustav Vasa. Best restaurant I've ever been to in my life. What was so good about it? It was just, it was very low-key.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ding. Ah. What is an obvious answer. So good. So good.

The ambiance? Unexpectedly. We just went there. Unexpectedly? Unexpectedly. Unexplainably. Why are you going to be such a nitpicker? Why are you going to be such a nitpicker?

He just wants us to go into that world. Okay. But we won't. Unexpectedly. I wish a nitpicker would fuck your wife. Whoa. Joe's been looking for it. Throw this and then it hits the bell. Look at that. Look at that fucking. I mean, it's just, and this. Oh, that's. I don't know the best restaurant I've ever been to. I've been to so many good restaurants. Look at that. This was one of

the best things I've ever put in my mouth. What was it? It's a penis, folks. Audio listeners, it's a cock. He just showed a hot cock. A thick, vani dick. It's frogwa, fried frogwa, and a zucchini flower. Great meal. Wowowow. Unexpected. I really don't know.

I mean, I've been to so many good restaurants, it's hard to pick them. Oh, sorry fucking Anthony Bourdain. Let's get down to best restaurant in New York. I mean, a lot of people live in New York. I mean, dude, this sushi by a scratch was the best sushi restaurant I restaurant ever been to by far But sushi sucks sushi is sushi doesn't suck. She rules

She's delicious semen not good. I like sushi, but I don't know if I put it on the better than semen No, this place was fucked. I brought Beatrice and James there a couple weeks ago, and it's like they give you One bite. It's you know what I call it a sample no and it's like they give you one bite. It's, you know, what do they call it? Sample. No. Costco sample. What do they call it? Chef's tasting.

What? No, you fucking asshole. Nicest guy in the world. Oh yeah, I really, no! Fucking piss me off, dude. Tapas. Toppist. You call it tapas.

Yana's tapas. That's what you do to your girl. He goes, that's it! That's one piece! Tapas. Hold on, hold on. Bobby just had a really bad joke. He goes, that's it. That's one piece. Hold on. Hold on. Bobby said a really bad joke. What are you talking about?

I hear nothing. Where's the bandana? I got it right here, but you can't, you can't, you can't fucking do that. That's the rules. No sushi. What do they call it with sushi? What? Oh, my cost.

Oh, my cost. Oh, my cost. Oh, my cost. Oh, my cost. We split the bomb down into three people right now. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. We split the bomb down into three people. That kills. So what's the best Italian restaurant? You've ever been to the best Italian restaurant?

I've been away in Rome. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All of them are in Rome. I mean, this the girl I was dating that lived there, she worked on a farm and the farmer was like, go into this restaurant. You have to use my name to get a table. And it was fucking ridiculous. She spoke a little Italian.

I didn't understand what was happening. The meal came. It was the greatest meal I've ever had in my life. I still imagine an Italian farmer is like, all right, man, you got to go to this restaurant. You want noodles? You want noodles and tomatoes? Well, hell, brother. Going down to downtown Rome,

go to the east side, it was fucking awesome. I had coxia pepe on Cobblestone Street, looking at a castle and the best meal I've ever had. Roma. Yeah, great, Roma. You know who was in that castle? Congratulations. No, it was for Otto.

You're eating coxia pepe. I'm a food. I take pictures. I hate that. I am gay. This is gay as shit. Just enjoy the food. But you want to remember it. When we went to Noma, me and Ari were like, we're not doing pictures. It's queer. And then you got pictures. And I regret not taking pictures of the food we had. Why? Because it was 27 course meal. You don't need pictures of food. 27 course meal, best restaurant in the world,

five years in a row, and I don't remember it. I don't, I can't remember. Yeah, you take photos, you remember the stuff. You get to look at it and go, oh, you look at that. You look back at your pictures of food. My God, this is delicious. Every picture you showed me looks like shit.

Nah, that looks good, dude. That looks terrible. It actually looks bad. Let me see. It god, this is delicious. Every picture you showed me looks like shit. Nah, that looks good, dude. That looks terrible. It actually looks bad. Let me see. It looks like actual testicles. Whoa! Look at Joe's slimy balls. It looks unbelievably good.

It looks unbelievable. Let me see. Yeah, because he's got, oh, that, this is chicken skin with creme and caviar on top. That wasn't the picture. I would love. You just changed the picture, Dan. I would love to have film.

Oh, you changed it for Joe, too? What? You just changed the picture for Dan. I don't know. I don't know. I would love to have children's skins. Oh, you changed it for Joe too? What? He showed me the shittiest picture of these fucking slimy balls. That looked great. I saw slimy balls. It was children's skin with semen, right? Yeah.

Suck on my slimy balls. Suck on it now. All right, you and I will just podcast while these two jacks... I'm trying to find the picture. This is the part we're taking pictures of food, you dickheads. You're the one who told us to... Oh, I went... Yeah, you said you have any pictures. All right, though you and I will just podcast while these two Kids you're the one who told us to go. Yeah, you said you have any Paris was good, too, though Oh, that's good. That's a great food. Barry Naples was good food. I like french fries. Yeah, french fries are real good Frenchy fan You know what? I like is a blue ribbon chicken not the fried chicken, but the restaurant

You know that nice restaurant in the village. Guys, get off your phones. What are you doing? I'm there. Hold on. I'm finding the picture. Nobody cares about the picture. Yeah, I don't care.

Nobody cares about the picture. I got it. Oh, wow. Oh, come on. Look at Kasia Pepe. Kasia Pepe. Who cares? I'm bringing my family to Italy this time.

And I got, look at that, look at that, Cabanara. We're going to do Rome. I'm bringing my aunt to Rome for three days and then we're going to go down to the Amalfi Coast for a few days. Oh, I hear good things about that, look at that, carbonara. We're gonna do Rome. I'm bringing my aunt to Rome for three days and then we're gonna go down to the Amalfi Coast for a few days. Whoa, look at you. Little family trip. Look at you.

What? You need some fish? My aunt doesn't like fish, but I'll get some fish. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, best food I've ever had my entire life was in Rome. Just every meal was like, it didn't even matter. I don't remember the names of the places, like every meal was like you can't. It didn't matter.

There was a remember the names of the places like every fucking make a phone. You know what's one of the best meals? Surprise fucking cash. Yeah. But you shot to better use God. When I was in Amsterdam, I asked one of the guys at the Van Gogh Museum where is like the best place to get lunch and he was like Do you want a whole house? He he was like you should go to this place that does specifically Dutch food Way out of the way and we went Nate and it was like a home cooked meal

It felt like a home cooking was fucking unbelievable best meal I probably ever had to see best meals different than best restaurant best meals me and Kim when we went to Jamaica Yeah, first time together. We left the resort. Stop screaming at other people. Fuck you. You want to eat? Go for some food. No, we went to like this dude who like worked at the resort was like, I'll take you guys around and fucking just give me a tip for the day. And he brought us to like somebody's house. It was just some fucking old dangerous dude was some it was extremely dangerous Why you be bringing two Mexicans? For the family

There's a big problem there's a man in the kitchen see and in Attitude problem even his girlfriend. They be a real friction. They're going to be girlfriend, they're real friction. They're going to be right. Wow. You're really bad. All I'm saying is you better claim it's an inside joke between you and Don right now. If you want to get out of this one, dude, no, we it was like just somebody's fucking grandma and she made us fucking lobster tails and what do they call them? Uh, the, the not the point. You might have dementia to stoneonies to stonies it was

just lobster tail sasonas with the frozen pizza those things come out hot those little pizza bites dude they can't be the greatest meal ever this was the best meal first of all I'm going to Jamaica again in less than a month we know we were every fucking year we rent a villa we know we have a chef and it's the best food you'll ever find. We should do a fucking Jamaican trip. No, no, no. Why?

What's your problem? Why are you guys so racist? We're not going. If Roseanne brings those dreads, I'm in. Yeah. Why don't we go somewhere like Curacao? Why don't we go to... That sucks.

Go to Costa Rica. Let's go to Stockholm. I've been to Costa Rica twice. Jamaica's better. Let's go to Stockholm. Let's go to Thailand. Little boys. Good luck

getting Joe back. Guy will be gone. Joe's mouth is perfect for a little boy's penis. Look at that. That's why they grab his hand when he walks by they go we want you. No I can't I got to check into my hotel real quick. I got warts in my feet. What are we going to do? We're all going to go on vacation together. What are you talking about? Why not? Bring your girls, bring your families. Guys, when we grow up, we should all live next to each other. I mean, we could all take a vacation together if we really wanted to.

Dude, we get houses with tunnels. Sick. Dan can bring his dog. I don't go on vacation with my dog. I'm not an asshole. It's a road trip, but that would be fun. But Myrtle does love road trips We should go let's go to Aruba. Let's take over a ruba-ray gig and no, but we take it over and make it ours

Oh, that's not bad. That's horrible. We take it over We call it the regs comedy show fucking smash your head like you're a ruba-ray all the way What's that? Smash your head like a ruba-ray is a great idea. Thank you. Somebody's here. What's that? Aruba regs. Smash your head like you're not being followed away. Aruba regs is a great idea. That's good. Thank you. Sucks. Somebody's here.

Who's here? I don't know. Our first guest. Psychic. Okay, let's take a quick moment to thank cornbread for supporting today's show. Not Bobby, not the cornbread that you're thinking of right now. Bobby got very excited.

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Literally, how did the doctor tell me that? Yeah, no. My doctor specifically said, don't smoke. Just have gummies, have edibles. That's the best way to do it. They make THC ones. They also make very THC ones with minimal THC. So I use the sleep gummies, have edibles, that's the best way to do it. They make THC ones, they also make very THC ones with minimal THC, so I use the Sleep Gummies.

It's 25 milligrams of CBD and one milligram of THC. I take them every night to go to bed. At this point, they put me right the fuck out, which is awesome, but a lot of people are doing dry January, dry February, dry March, dry April. Nobody's doing any of that. Dry adult life. Me and Joe got dry life.

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So right now all you got to do is check out their incredible line of products go to cornbread hemp com Use the promo code regs at checkout or cornbread hempemp.com slash regs r-e-g-z Make sure it's spelled with a Z and you're gonna get 30% off your first order today. Once again That's cornbreadhemp.com slash regs use that promo code regs with a Z at checkout for 30% off Cornbread hemp this is the good life. Here comes our first guest one of the 400 headliners Here we go. If it's Roseanne, I'm gonna fucking, I'm gonna go nuts. If it's Roseanne, I'm gonna go nuts.

Please be Roseanne. Joe, where's the best present? The reason I bring her up so much is because I was in love with the show and I've just been so disappointed. Where's your favorite meal, Joe? I don't know, it's hard to say. He likes Pizza Hut in the airport.

I don't go to Pizza Hut, I like Puppagino. Is it us? Who? Is it Roseanne? Anyways. What's your favorite meal, Dan? Of all time? Yeah, no. Yesterday.

You said he's pulled up his things. He showed us some. He looked at his photos for a couple of days. Is that it? That was probably one of my favorite meals. I've had some good meals. I'll tell you, you go out to eat with Tim Dillon. That meal is always good. There was a great Italian spot in fucking Austin. I'm trying to remember the name of it.

Stamacchiocos? I'll tell you right now. No, he's back on his phone. You guys are on your phone. I'm the only one that's been on my phone during the episode. It's funny though, as soon as you're- Well, you got work feats, so we treat you different. As soon as you get on your phone, Louis goes, why are you on your phone?

Well, because I need to. I'm not looking at my phone. The place in Austin is called Rogini's. Red Ash. Rogini's. Red Ash in Austin is excellent. What's the place in Cleveland that you go to? Oh, Mama Santas. That's my favorite. Mama Santas is great. Mama Santas is great. Ramon Rivas has got fucking great food spots in Cleveland. He takes you to the Fog. The Fog? The Fog is unbelievable. Well, you to the fog. The fog. The fog is unbelievable. Well, here's the thing with the fog. You're a fog. I don't even get it.

Yeah. I left it myself. Throw it. Yep. Throw the flag. I left it myself. Yeah. Challenge.

We need a challenge flag. It's called superior fog. Yeah. But there's a fog place on the corner with lights and shit like that. It's you to go around the back to the other fog place place. It looks like you're going to somebody's house. Sounds like Fah. Sounds like Fah. It was Fah. It's unbelievable.

I had a Fah time. You had a Fah time? Dude, the bin ma? So good. Bin Laden? Oh, me love you. Oh, me love you. I'm so hungry. Please stop talking about food. I'm dying love you. Oh, me love you. No. I'm so hungry, please let's have a fucking meal. I'm dying right now. I can't eat until eight o'clock tonight.

Why? Because I'm on a fucking one day, you don't even remember when I talked. What's your name? What did you eat last night that was so bad? I had a burger at the airport in Toronto because I was stuck for five hours on a layover. It was the worst fucking burger ever.

That's not good! It's terrible. I had a fucking really bad thing in my ear. What? It went, Oh, ringing my ear. I think you're dying. Should you do a dementia test? Just do a dementia test.

Spin the wheel. Don't mention that again, folks. Hi. Um, I would love to die on right now. No. Why you don't be responsible for my body. No, cause we have to do a Bobby benefit for Con and Max.

Do it one time. Do one, go for me, we're out. She's got a lot of stuff. Do me a favor. What? Lewis, if I do die. You will. Will you be the one?

You're gonna die before everyone here. I'll bet you right now you die before me. I'm the healthiest person here. I know, no, we're talking about. 131 over 84. You can die from being stabbed from the cops. No, I've been good lately. I bet you die before me.

Let's make the bet. What are we gonna bet? $1,000 to the other person's family. The other family has to pay? Yeah, I... So funny that, like, he has to... You have to walk up to Max and give him a fucking thousand in cash. There you go.

He goes, what's this? And you go, nah, it's true. Well, it's not me. He'd have to pay my family. Max is gonna have to pay me $1,000 after who loses his father. No, I'm gonna put a thousand in an envelope and go pay to, it's not me. He'd have to pay my fam. Max is going to have to pay me a thousand dollars after loses his father. No, I'm going to put a thousand in an envelope and go pay to Louis if I die first. Okay. And then Dom will hand it to you. Okay. And you have to pay me at Bobby's funeral.

No, you have to walk up at and just be like, yo, Keith's given his long 1000. You're going to die before you're old. You're fine. I remember when you were gray. Yep. Keep going. You're one of 30 headliners in the world you're fat. I remember when Bobby. You were gray. Yep, keep going. You're one of 30 headliners in the world that can murder. I remember when Bobby was up here in Boston and Lewis goes, hey Don, there's supposed to be an envelope. I was just, stop, Keith's talking at the wedding.

I had to borrow like 300 dollars. Hey Don, I'll show you, He brings up the episode on it. Hey, this is Bobby saying this. This is Bobby talking. You're at your mind. You're going to die first out of everybody. Okay. Hundred bucks. All right. Guaranteed. Great. Second death is going to be after I heard about his doctor's appointment. His fucking gallbladders leaking shit. He's got a fatty liver sludge like sludgy belly. Sludgy shit. It's got a fatty liver, sludge like, sludgy belly. It's all the... Herpes tits is gonna go before all of us. Herpes doesn't kill you. I'm the only one here with the spivy vex. Gut health is like a major thing. You need to fucking take

probiotics. Why do you think I'm getting double teamed by my colonoscopy and my fucking endoscopy? Yeah, but you're going medical. You're gonna die in some type of rage thing on the highway. I don't think so. Cab driver's gonna smoke your ass. I've been really good. I don't take cabs anymore. You're going medical, you're going to die in some type of rage thing on the highway. Oh, cab drivers going to smoke your ass. I've been really good. I don't take cabs anymore. Something's going to happen where he's going to go, I fucking sit and he's going to go My friend, I don't think you want to go down this.

There are not over 300 headliners killing. Hey buddy. Hey buddy. You're dying. You're writing an ash. You're writing a. Wow. Fuck. Holy shit. Let's end the episode on that. All right. Well, oh

What a crash you got a crash out. Oh All right, check this out everywhere. We're not done. He's a three we're done headliners. We're not done They can headline anywhere Chocos We're done. We're done. Yeah, Bobby's got to get to work, dude. I got plenty of time Not on not on earth I can see Danny Braff dying first with the you know, I'm talking about of course he's gonna die. He's gonna saw himself in half about, of course he's gonna die. He's gonna saw himself in half. That's very good.

There's no magic, there's no magic, it's blood loss. That's funny, that was good. You're gonna die first. Nobody believes that. No, I don't think so. I think Lewis will be here when it's nothing but ashes. I'm like a cockroach. Yeah, it's just cockroaches and Lewis.

Hey, cockroach, do you wanna start a podcast? Tick, tick, tick, tick. That's it. Tick, tick, tick, tick. Hey, you're my producer now. Listen to me, cockroach, do you want to start a podcast? Tsk tsk tsk tsk. Tsk tsk tsk tsk. Tsk tsk tsk tsk. Hey, you're my producer now. Listen to me, cockroach. You fucking stupid cockroach. Anyways, it's pretty gay surviving the apocalypse,

unless you're me. Yeah, I think you're gonna go. I get it, we get it. Well, I'm not done. I think you're gonna go. You're gonna go. I'm gonna go first. I get it.

You're gonna die. By 20 it. You're gonna die. By 2032. You're gonna be dead. 2032? You're gonna be dead. Seven years from now. Yeah. You're gonna be, you wanna bet on that?

Come on, this isn't the kind of comedy we wanna be doing. You're wishing death on your buddy. I'm not wishing death. I wish it wouldn't happen, but it's going to. I'm just speaking inevitable. Louis is going to get into a tragic car accident. Guys. Or. Dude, don't do this. Violent. Don't going to get into a tragic car accident. Guys.

Dude, don't do this. Come on. Violent. Don't do this for the guy that clips this and sends it to me when it does happen. He's going to get stabbed by a guy at Dave and Buster's over coins or tickets. You have just as much of an anger problem as me.

No. Why am I angry? Speak, King. I'm not angry. Why am I angry? I'm not angry. Speak, King. I don't have.

You deal with the same shit. Except you're not physically able to defend yourself the same way that I am not angry. I'm not angry. Why am I angry? I'm not angry. I'm not getting angry. You do, you deal with the same shit. Except you're not physically able to defend yourself the same way that I am. Whoa! No. I don't get angry like that. Didn't you get attacked by, under the subway? But you're getting angry right now.

Didn't you get attacked on the subway? You're getting angry right now. This is why you're gonna be murdered. Didn't you get attacked on the subway? Because you're angry. You're angry. Didn't you get attacked on the subway? You get angry, and this is why you're gonna be dead

before me. I'm not angry. I'm cool as a cucumber. No you're not. you're as angry as salsa I said it laugh at it, but I liked it. Um, yeah. No, I got yeah, I don't I didn't go to town It actually is the most anger out of everybody here. Yeah, but his anger comes in and leaves fat It'll only be toward his friends who won't kill him What is that? No, it's not it's towards total strangers You don't get mad at strangers.

When's the last time you got really angry? Last week. About what? What were you angry about? Something ridiculous. Who? What was it? Probably like someone doing something stupid.

Somebody you know or somebody you don't know? Stranger. What did he do? I am worried that I'm gonna get mad at a stranger and that I'm gonna get fucking killed. Tell me about it. I don't really remember. I just know I get angry about once a week. What did you do? I am worried that I'm gonna get mad at a stranger and that I'm gonna get fucking killed. Tell me about it, but I don't really remember. I just know I get angry about once a week.

What do you do? I don't, I get white hot angry. No, like white, I usually get really angry before therapy. I'd get angry a lot. And then I realized that I needed to connect with it because it lives inside of me. Why, because you're like afraid of what you're gonna have to go face?

I just was very, I never really stood up for myself as a child and I realized that. You gotta stand up for yourself, don't take his shit. Stop fitting in other people's spaces. Make your own space. Do something about it, Dan. He's just getting you more mad. He goes, fire it up.

You made a life. Bite their nose off. I saw Alan today. Great. Up to his prices. What? Yeah, he up to his prices. Yep. Is he gonna tell us that he did Yeah, he told me from 250 to 350. Yeah, you were paying 250. I was paying real

50 he has a scale this scale on a scale Bobby broke it He went up so tomorrow he's gonna tell me it's up I know I do better help thank you for prepping, because I don't think I could have a good session going in there. I go through my insurance. Wait, this is at the end yet. You do? Yeah, sack.

Wait, for real? Yes. We had this dialogue. Bobby said this and you were like, what? And he was like, yeah. I've been paying out of pocket. Because you're a baller, dude. You get money like that.

No. Yeah, dude. I don't. I need to use my insurance. Dan is rich, everyone. Dan's pretending to not be rich right now. That's a weird thing. Oh, I'm't. I need to use my insurance. Dan is rich. Everyone. Dan's pretending to not be rich right now. That's a stinking rich dripping in it. You are. You are fucking the richest of all of us. Yes, you are. Yes. Yeah. Yes, you are. Well, I'm not. You would be surprised by how much I am not. And Katie makes cashola too. Katie

does well. Kids. Katie does better than everybody. No kids. The dogs got a and bone. She sleeps in a golden cage. No, I'm stacking it. I'm stacking it so I can go away. Then who's second richest? Is it Joe or Bobby? Into the woods. No. What are you talking about? You want to go away for good? When I'm 60. You want to just walk away from everything.

When I'm 60. Well, you're going to be having dementia at that point. You don't even know what money is. I'll be crazy. I'll be in the woods. Good luck finding me. I'll have a giant beard. I'll have a giant beard.

I'll have a giant beard. I'll have a giant beard. I'll have a giant beard. I'll have a giant beard. I'll have a giant beard. I'll have a giant beard. I'll have a? When I'm 60. Well you're gonna be having dementia at that point. You don't even know what money is. I'll be crazy, I'll be in the woods. Good luck finding me, I'll have a giant beard.

What voice do you find me on that day? You do have a giant beard, her name is Katie. Hey! Hey! Come on, folks. Hello! And it's gay. Hey, so you wanna go to New Hampshire woods,

New York woods? God, do you know how famous I'd be if I was gay? Denver woods. Probably New England woods. Up here, stay here, up in the woods, never York woods. God, do you know how famous I'd be if I was gay? Denver woods. Probably New England woods. Up here. Stay here, up in the woods, never talk to anybody again. I'll talk to my friends. You're not retiring when you're 60, stop it.

I wanna talk to my friends, I wanna come out. You wanna retire at 60. Mm-hmm, that's ridiculous. I wanna retire before that. Why is that? That's ridiculous. Why? Yeah, why 60?

Because I think it sets an ending that can motivate me to do good work. What are you, Tarantino? What? You like Tarantino. No, but I like that idea. I think people are going on too long. I think people are taking-

Joke is to come Italian, will you? Tarantino. It's hard not to say Italian names. It's my favorite restaurant, Tarantino's. Hey, people are staying around too long. They're taking up too much money. You gotta go, you gotta retire. Looking at you, Roseanne.

I could have been in that video.'s home yeah I just feel like it's a good thing to set a retirement age 60 see you're right there just stack it so your last 20 years seven years 30 years travel read six years left read Read, travel, go to museums. You think I want to create anymore? I can't wait. Maybe, but if I do, I'll probably just have our own conversation. We have two different conversations. I can't wait. You know what I mean?

Do you want to retire? Hang on one sec. The thing that we do, you know what I mean? Because we're similar in things. What? Do you want to retire? No, fuck it. I do.

How can you retire if you're one of only 30 comedians in the world that could do an hour and kill? I can't do that. I know. We'll be down to 60. Dude, I take the summer off. We'll be down to 19 left, I take the summer off. There's 19 left.

I take the summer off. I'm done. I don't work. I take time off to just do shit. I take time off, but I just feel like if I push it for 18 years, 18 more years, then I can stop. Yeah. I'm close.

There might be no jobs at all. Once I hit fucking 10 million in the bank, I'm just going to dis- You're not going to hear from me ever again. That's ultimately what I have a number. Yeah. What's your number? 10 million? 25. Million. 25 million in the bank. I'm just going to disagree. You're not going to hear from me. That's ultimately what I have a number. Yeah. What's your number? 10 million. 25 million. 25 million in the bank. You're done.

Yeah. It's already got 10 million in the bank. Fuck you, Dan. Nowhere near. Fuck you, Dan. I don't even have a million. You have a million. Do you not have a million in the bank? Do you not have a million? Nevermind. You have a million in the bank? No. You have a million. You have a million. No. What'd you fucking get us? You're the richest out of all of us. You've been ripping us all out. Joe, how much you got in the bank? Joe, how much you got in the bank?

You got a million. Look at Joe's face. Don't even worry about me. You have a million? You have over a million. And all you guys are talking shit about me. I don't even have that. I don't have a million.

You have over a million. Yeah, you do. No, I don't. I'll show you right now my bank account. No, you won't. No, I won't. He's fucking. He's doing great.

No, I don't. Damn it. Sneaky. You gotta worry about these people that are sneaky I'm being on Joe. Let me see your bank account right now. First of all, I have like seven bank account I have a savings. I have a corporate I have I have a few bank accounts, but also I have four bank accounts I have few too, but I have a lot of my stuff in land That's great. I have a land. I have the I don't own it up in New Hampshire You guys are so full of shit.

I did one story that the punchline was I got paid $25,000 and you're all like, dude, we won't do that, you fucking homo, you piece of shit, and now we're talking about whose bank account has what? He has, he has you. I don't have a million dollars. It goes you.

Oh, it doesn't go to me. You, him. I don't. Well, you certainly make the most amount of money. You make a lot of money. You make a lot of money, dude. And you're gonna be a millionaire at the end of this year. I don't know where it a lot of money, dude. And you're gonna be a millionaire at the end of this year. I don't know where it is, I don't know where it's going.

You're a millionaire now, you're gonna be a millionaire at the end of this year. I bet you make close to a million just this year. Answer the question. Why are you guys doing this? What is this? Because we want money from you. Please, can I have some money?

Can we have money? Cashola? Buy me a Rolex, buy us all a Rolex. I'm going away. Will you buy me a Rolex? That's actually a fair thing. Nate should buy us Rolexes. Yes, he should. I already have a Rolex that someone bought for me. I don't even fucking want it. Can I have it? Can I buy it? 12 grand. I'll buy it for 10. You want my Rolex for

$10,000? He's got thin wrists. It's not going to fit me. No, I never got it adjusted. It's like four times too big for me. By the way, you might've just got a deal. Actually, a Rolex is worth six grand. I'll give you. It's probably worth more than that. It's engraved. It's not. It's engraved with your name. It's worth less if it's engraved.

Yeah, it's worth less. Not if it's engraved. It's worthless. It says Louis's name on it. Yeah, it's worthless. You think that makes it worth more money? Sure. Engraving Louis CK's name.

First of all, Louis gave you a Rolex with his name on it. Wow, damn, dude. Like you're his bitch. It says, thanks for the great work on the tour. Yeah. Now here, I just made this completely worthless. I got an email. I wish I was a Rolex tour.

I'll sell it to you. I will buy it from you. 10 grand cash. Was it brown or is it gold? That's a good deal. Brown. Is it gold and silver or what is it? I don't know, I don't look at it.

I think it's gold. It's gold? Yeah. All right, I'll buy it off you. Really? know, I don't look at it. I think it's gold. It's gold? Yeah. All right, I'll buy it off you. Really? Yeah, I'll buy it off you. 10 grand. I gotta look at it.

I gotta look at it. I don't want a Rolex anymore. If it's 10 grand, I'll give you what it's worth. Currently worth. 100%, I'll give you what it's worth. Cash. Because it goes up. I'll give you the cash.

You're gonna give me some of your land? I'll give you what it is. No, I have cash, I'll give you cash. But we can't tell Louis that you buy something. No, I have cash. I'll give you cash Well, we can't tell Louie that you know, we're never you'll never know Clip it clip it tag him tag him Send it to him Yeah, that's good, man. That's a good It's great that you have millions of dollars

My plan is I'm gonna have the place in New Hampshire for the summer and I'm buying a condo in Florida for the winter great Sarasota and then you'm buying a condo in Florida for the winter. Great. Sarasota. And then you're gonna, when are you gonna retire? Sarasota. Huh? You're not gonna ever retire, you're just gonna stay active? When Max gets out of high school, I think me and Don are gonna sell Katona,

buy condo, have New Hampshire, summer, lake, and then winter, beach, license, yeah. Oh, you know what you should do? And then I'll work down in Florida. That was hilarious. What was that? You shot a turd into the back. I shot my butt plug out.

It was not a fart. Yeah, dude, that sounded like a potato gun. Yeah, dude, that sounded like a fucking. Oh my god. I can't smell, so I'll walk you there. I had some sugar-free candies yesterday. Those things make you die-o. Yeah, they fuck you up.

Wow. AI's gonna kill us all. Yes. No jobs, no money. AI's not gonna kill, it's gonna kill all the fucking idiots like these guys. What's wrong with you? I got nothing.

My lord. I still feel the same about you. Maybe I'm hungry. I'm starving, I want some soup. My olifactory doesn't work. They shut the window on you. How's your olif My olfactory doesn't work. They shut the window on you. Oh, come on. They shut the window.

Open the window. The bank teller window got closed on you. I didn't even know there was a window. Is there a window over there? Um, Dan stays there. There you go. So where are you this weekend? This weekend? I'm going to go skiing, I think.

Are you going to where? Up in the kids? That sounds like a guy with a million dollars. Yeah, he goes on nine vacations a year. Because I have a chalet in Vermont. No, I haven't been on vacation in a hot minute. What are you talking about? You've been on vacation this year. Last time I went on vacation was this year.

Yeah. It's two months old. No, in the summer I took James to, no, I didn't take any girls on vacation. I took James to Vegas this past summer, our father-son trip. But we didn't do a family trip, that we usually do a family trip in the winter,

and I've foregone it. For what? Forwent. Forwent. We forwent it, because we're doing the Italy trip this summer, and that I'm combining the family trip and James's father-son trip to the Italy.

I asked James, I was like, would you rather go somewhere just me and you or do you want to bring in Amria to Italy? And he was like, let's bring. That's $20,000. Yeah, probably. Whoa! The whole family to go to Italy? This guy's got fucking money. This guy's got a million. 20 grand to drop down like that? I wouldn't even do that. And I got over 98 million dollars. How much money are you making on fucking shit? I'm worth a billion and I wouldn't even do that. No, it won't be 20, but it'll be a lot. It'll be a lot for the family.

20 grand, 20 grand. The flights are fucking crazy. The flights are like 11, 1200. And eggs, still haven't come down. Eggs are very expensive in gas. Yeah, but. I was gonna do it on day one. All right, you go.

Tariffs, that's the problem. Tariffs, it takes a minute. Takes a minute. No, that's what you said. Get rid of the income tax, though. Get rid of the income tax. There a minute. It takes a minute. No, get rid of the income tax. Get rid of the income tax. There's no, there's a ring the tax on Canada. It's funny being up in Winnipeg while that was going on and Canadians are like, you know, we're not going to let that happen, bud. And you're like, I'm not the one proposing it. We'll

see what happens. You dumb Canucks. Whoa. dumb Canuckers. That's what you bought tickets for last weekend Canucka Alright, I love you guys. Yo list dance on a dot-com for live dates Punch up dot-live slash Robert Kelly love get all my tips for crypto get all my tips for investments. I Love you guys, uh, Luis. J check him out. Stand Up Special coming this summer. That's right, Bobby Kelly's directing. Right here. We've got a great production company.

One of the fucking best headliners of the small amount. One of 30. One of 500. Around 50. One of 50 headliners. See you guys next week on the regs. Not next week, two weeks from now. Seven weeks.