Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Wave Hack

Episode Date: April 16, 2018

Dan Soder, Brendan Sagalow and magician John Stessel delve into the dark art of cardistry, plus we check in on our Joes and get initiated into Wave Gang! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, Riotcast.com. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a clutch to fight. You see that thing? No rules. Look at the mic, asshole. I'm sure everybody said should I regret it? Can I get a microphone?

No! That's a fuck. That was trying to keep her like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and yapping sometimes. It's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Way both sides of the coin!

I was with him last night. I don't want to do anything. No. Back off. I was like, I don't know. You guys are like a Puerto Rican couple. Back off Because like a Puerto Rican couple Yeah, we're back might I say on time? Oh my god, yeah, my life is so hot because

Structure it's all on Swedish and Irish blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there you go There you go. Oh now it's popping in yeah, I'm in the middle of that mic the sweet spot right here Give it you took a little juice away from mine Listen listen listen we didn't take juice away from yours. Yeah, you took a lot of juice away from mine No, you got enough juice in that voice Like it to me. Yeah, really just You see no you got it You know, you know, you're gonna we're gonna tone your juice down

No, you got it. You know, you're gonna, we're gonna tone your juice down. That's gross. That was a three finger. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was three fingers in the vagina. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.

Jay and I do the game of... Give me two fingers. Jay and I do the game of dog drinking water or wet pussy. I got them to see. Dog drinking water. That's true. Yeah. Okay, give me see. Dark drinking water. That's true. Yeah. Okay, and to give me the one.

That is a dog. That sounds like man he's sitting on a ball. That's a dog. That's a dog. Bommie! Oh man, give me that one. It's so good to be home. That's a fat man putting sugar in his coffee.

Oh, that's Mike. Oh, that sounds like like smacking like fucking That's a dog licking out of a bowl. Yes, that is it's a porcelain ball. I would have to use a full credit Yes, well, I mean it's a dog. I had to go for a second one now. Give me one more one more Back arches and your fingers get caught in there and those bumps. No. No. It's Japanese anime cult. What's up, young, that's all you're, uh, uh, you're telling the porn.

You guys aren't into it? Whatever, nerds. What, not nerds? That's why we're not into it. Whatever, it mixes drawing and sex. What a coolest. I, yeah, I actually do. I've jerked off two anime for a point.

Not proud of you. Have you? Yeah. One time one of the... I like the big titties. Yeah. The tube is like, I mean, listen, I'm a big ticker. You're talking to the king of big ticker.

I really am a big ticker. Oh man, all day or day. Fake titties? Yeah. Now, would you rather fake titty or a nice real titty? Oh, nice real titty. Nice real titty. Yeah, now do you would you rather fake titty or a nice real to nice real yeah, sure Now would you like a real titty in her 20s or real to it titty in her like 40s?

Why would you compare that? Would you like a Right or when it's been on the vine too long make sure I tell Don that she's 46 I'm sure she has wonderful tips, but you're gonna compare You can't walk me into this. You can't walk me into this but a young, supple mid-20s titty. Come on. Jesus.

Well, I actually have always been a big fan of uh... That's how hot this mic is. It picked up the... It sounds like you're wearing a suit with ice in it. A plastic suit filled with ice. We're, I like an old titty. I like a milk titty. You like an old titty's now?

I get milk titties, I'm fine with them. I like a nice, like a little drooping, big, hairy, old, like a light switch. Okay. I like a good heavy mid-30s titty. Yeah, I do too. Like a heavy one though. I'm not a big fan of young

Perky titties. Now me and Joe list have had this argument since the beginning of our friendship. Really? Where he thinks I'm stupid because I like big tits really he's like they don't they don't age well I'm like and he's like he like small titties. What if they're big, but they're perky? That's right I mean what do we say? I don't know. That's the greatest. Yeah Yeah, it'd be like oh, what if you were rich and happy What if you were rich and happy? It's probably going to be great. That's a mix of both worlds. I don't know. I like a little droop.

I like a little, I like to pick them up and have like, but you choose to say, you pick them up and let them hang. Yeah, I like weight. That's a different way to describe it. I like it. Heavy, I like a heavy chested woman. I like when you're fucking and they, they go different directions.

Oh yeah. I like when they get on the wave. Yeah. Oh, oh. What a lot of people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

All right, we found out we found our place where we agree. I love that. Big tiddies in the motion of water. I like a big tiddy. Yeah. I think that's why guys like big butts because the big butts. Not a fan of a big butt. I like a big titty. Yeah. I think that's why guys like big butts, because the big butts. Not a fan of a big butt. No.

I like a big butt. I would prefer a big large chest. I don't like a big butt. I like a, I would, I like a nice small bum. I like a nice, small butt, like a redneck ass. I like a butt at all. If it's like this wall, I don't like it. Have you ever looked at disappointing asses online?

I can't. It's so gross, because they're just like that little, I have such a gross butt that I know. I'm like, oh man, I'm all front. Let me go real quick into laughable.com. Let's promote these things real quick. I want to go and pull up. You can pull up.

Yeah, go back, pull up. There's the logo, but go laughable.com is greatest app in the world. If you like podcasting, make sure you go and download their app on iTunes on the app store for iOS. If you like podcasting, this is the app to get. We are a big fan of that company because they support all of us, not just me, every single

podcast out there doing this racket. They are behind and trying to promote. And you can buy tickets to some of your favorite comics. I mean, there's so many functionalities of this app that you're going to love it. If you love podcasting the laughable.com, get that app, but download it today. And also, I want to thank everybody on this tour I did. I actually got to see Joe list this. I saw that. I was jealous. Well, we did we, we, uh, we did Michigan. Uh, we did, uh, Kalamazoo. Then we went to Fort Wayne to, uh, the tiger room, which was the shit. I mean, just the fucking

great room. How did you, you flew into where I flew into Detroit? Okay. Drove to Kalamazoo. Okay. Uh, we did the shakespeers. It was, it was a good, good show. Yeah. Great crowd. No, they were great. They were great. The fans were great. Awesome mother fuckers came out. You know, it's a, it's a, it's a, it was Thursday night, you know, Kalamazoo. It was, it, but a lot of, a lot of motherfucking YKWD fans show.

It was great. Saturday, Friday night was Fort Wayne Tiger Room. All these hipster places, you know what I mean? And you know, it's not really my thing, but I brought all my fans to these fucking crazy places which was pretty funny to see. I mean, you know, the whole bar staff look like Crosby Stilts and Nash.

Oh, it's great. You know what I mean? I just got a coffee from a place like that. They all look like Gabby with beards. You know what I mean? Beautiful, beautiful hair, dude. Just good Gabby with beards. Beautiful beautiful hair hair dudes. Good angular face with nice wispy blonde hair. A long hair.

Well, they're making the screwdriver. Oh, fuck yeah. And we, we, uh, but the room was just height. Yeah. I mean, beautiful fucking. Well, all these rock rooms are great. They're perfectly built for comedy. They have this room insane.

Crowd was fucking nuts. And then the planet ant in hem, hem a treck. That sounds made up. No, hem treck. What is it? Hemtraomic. Hemtraomic. Hemtraomic.

Fucking great room too. We pulled up this one. It's a little purple house and we pulled up to it. And there was nothing. It was like, what the fuck in the ghetto? Okay, I'm just gonna say it. Okay. I don't know why I had to say it like a little purple house and we pulled off to it and there was nothing. I was like, what the fuck in the in the ghetto? Okay, I'm just going to say it. Okay. I don't know why I had to say it like a mom.

Well, because it's a bad neighborhood. We pulled up. I wish it wasn't, but it was. But that, but the, it's actually an old school that they took over. And it's a rock venue. That's such a hipster way of doing it. That's the purple building, but it's the other building. Oh, that looks awesome.

Well, that's not that, didn't not to me, it didn't. Because my name was nowhere and I was like, what the fuck are we doing? Go to the other one. There's a bigger venue. But it was great. Fucking insane. I had, I had the guy who owns dumb dumb Lollipops.

I guess it showed up. Wait, really? Wow. Is that a family thing? Cause that's been around for decades. Sweetest guy in the world showed up. Hey whoa like is that a family thing because that's been around for Decades sweetest guy in the world showed up. Hey, it's got dumb dumb money. Well, he got me a shirt. He's got dumb money He got me a shirt and handed to me. He said dumb dumb. I'm like it was as me and Rich Voss a show Serious satellite radio what?

Kidding I don't know I don't know. Dumbdumb. That should happen. I, I, I, I, I, I want to get back to this dumb dumb money. How much did you got? I don't know, but it's a couple hundred million. Do we have this value?

Yeah, can we guess first? I would say he's worth a hundred million dollars. The dumb dumb guys. You dumb dumbs are fucking everywhere. I'm gonna say, she's looking at me like I made him a saying. I'm gonna say 213 million. But I've never paid for a dumb dumb. It's always been free somewhere.

It's not a free, but like dentist places pay for it like places to have. Yeah, you can buy 500 of them for a 99 cents. Yeah, but imagine how much they cost to make. That's it right there. That's the haul. That was plenty. Oh, that's awesome. Oh, dude, it was fucking jamming. What a great little place. Comics were all great too, which I was I was very excited about. Sometimes the comics can stink. They were all fucking great. Every show and my my man Aaron was putting them, putting them. He was good. I went for a nice massage. Oh, dude, I sort of got to thought you just were.

That's drunk and break out. I don't see you do that now. We need to start doing that. He doesn't know. I haven't been back in a while. It's like every day. Put them put them anyways. What's going on? Let's do plugs. Puttin' them, puttin' them. Puttin' them, puttin' them. Yeah, this is a great little venue.

So it was a fun little tour. We stopped in Ann Arbor. It's great. And hang out with a little Joey List. I did an insane one on one with Joe for my Patreon, my channel, and Patreon. Nice. Was this before or after he got his wisdom teeth out?

This is before. This is a sweet get. Yeah, because he got his wisdom teeth out yesterday. Well, yeah, this is this weekend. Yeah, because he guys was in teeth out yesterday. Well, yeah, yes, yeah, yeah. So we were in an hour. He was playing that club. Well, I mean, there was a cigar place two seconds down the street from his, I mean, it was fucking awesome.

We had a great podcast. So they're taking up all his mouth, huh? Yeah, yeah, I picked those. Those are called those are a long live the kings six by 60s. Sex, what does that mean? live the kings six by 60s That's the that's the six by 60 me six inches long 60 ring That was that that was literally the size of Joe's mom size On the cigar yeah, he tore his mouth

He's like the Heath Ledger and Like do you want to know how I got these fucking skies? Bobby gave me two big of a fucking cigar. I was born with a small mouth. I fucking blink a lot. He didn't blink a lot since he quit drinking. But your list of pressure must be updated. Look at that. That fits in my mouth perfect.

Yeah, it does. That's like too small for my fat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rattling around. I should suck a microphone. How many cigars do you smoke a day? Seven. Jesus.

No, I don't. We torch burns. That's crazy. Fucking smoke seven cigarettes. I actually went to the hospital yesterday. I was in the... What was it called? Emergency room?

No, you fuck. I had to go get an upper and... And dooscopy. And dooscopy? How great is that fucking, did they put you under? Dude, it's one of those. I'm gonna recover alcohol and get itoscopy do you how great is that fucking did they put you under dude it's one of that I'm not a recovering alcoholic I know you are so I'm gonna just say that first I know you are you wake up from that thing you're like but here's a please suck my dick right now I feel so great but I didn't feel first while I'm in the room with all old people

yeah which is freaking me out and they're all gassy. Oh, but all you hear is, hang, you please get my socks. I know. I killed Koreans in the 50s. I'm not going to talk about it. My vagina might smell young man. My daughter married a negro. I had my medication with a sip of water this morning. Am I in trouble?

Are you going to hit me on my neck? Do you have anybody but a Spanish man that can help me? My Filipino nurse asks me to die every day. Is that a man or a woman over there? I got the first in Dosc, I've ever got done, I was going to have no insurance. And it was at Bellevue and they don't Yeah, they don't put you all the way on

What is this but what is it the doska p is they put a tube down your throat to go into your stomach to a camera to see What's going on with your your lower esophagus in your stomach not a so oh? Yeah, I mean your softwoods no insurance lower and upper intestine not your lower esophagus Well, that's why my doctor did it to see my lower esophagus. Oh, is it, you're with no insurance, lower in, upper intestine, not your lower suffocates. Well, that's why my doctor did it to see my lower asophagus. Oh, is it really?

Yeah, because he wanted to see if there was a damage from my acid reflux. Well, that's what I, me too. I have an acid reflux like 10 years. Me too. Yeah.

And so they just, look, you don't really need to do it. Just stop fucking eating late at night. Don't eat spicy food. Oh, God. Just to, the suffocates as part of the upper digestive track.

It's part of it. Yeah, but that's just a upper died death. I would walk out right now. I think he was a part of the upper dead tape heck. Mr. Spidey pants.

Yeah, a little too excited with this right answer. And that that about to buy that. That's why we raise our hands. That's why we raise our hands. Hey, stop. Take a breath. But Bellevue, I they don't put you all the way under. They just locally sedate you. And then you just kind of have to deal with it, which is a lot of this. You go on. When they're pushing the tube down, but you're half a wigs, you're just kind of like,

but this guy was on his side. And it's like, what does it sound? It's actually, wait, that's a woman get it, that's a girl get it, a finger to her ass hole. Wrong. It's a cow giving birth. Okay. This guy was on his side and he's like, oh, I'm in so much pain and the nurse was like this

to making that each like just let it out, just let it out, just let it out. Okay, hold on honey, I'm gonna rub your side and he's here. Oh my God. I started laughing because it was the longest farted. The longest beginning to end fart I've ever heard. And this guy was so miserable. He's like, that's awesome. Yeah, I didn't help all my farts are like that. They hurt and then soon as I release it, it feels so good. So you're gonna have to get a colonoscopy, which is the opposite. That's where they stick a tube up your head.

That's a lower end. And docks. No, it's a colonoscopy. That's a colonoscopy. Yeah. That's called the colonoscopy. But when I got in an endoscopy recently with insurance, they put you down on that sweet sweet side.

That's the shit they killed Michael Jackson. This is what he said to me. The Asian guy came in. This is a lovely Asian guy came in he goes first of all to hospitals are so multicultural it's I mean if you ever want to see how the world really is there's every fucking race I mean everybody's there I mean black white Mexican Asian trends. That's why I think it's gonna be, you're like super racist.

If you're super racist, you're like, how do you go to the hospital? You can't. Don't trust me, not you, what are you? Yeah. Unless it's, I mean, I suppose down south maybe, but this, I mean, I was looking around like, kind of like, this is nice.

This is like, just a bunch of old white lady going, oh God, what happened to America? A lot of these people. They used to be all white women with hands. I mean, this candy striped. So he goes like this, I'm going to either put you under, I have to put your brain to sleep and then your body to sleep.

Because your brain goes out, no problem. Your body, if I don't put it out, you're going to gag. Yeah, that's what I was doing at Bellevue. He says, or I could just spray your throat with this crazy spray that numbs your throat. And he goes, that's safer and I'd rather do that. I go, I'm with you. I don't wanna go, I don't want brain sleep

and then body, so I don't want double to fuck you sleep, right? Just sleep being this heavy. So he goes, fine. He comes in with this I mean it looks military this can it's a yellow can with a metal hose It was just you de-forty Spray into your mouth. Hey guys, I just convinced the guy need 37 let me WD 40 is broke You guys want to watch?

I was gonna watch. Do they see? No. Is it different cultures? He can tell these idiots anything. He sprayed it in my throat and it fucking, it tasted like WD40. It was one of the worst things I've ever tasted in my life and I didn't wanna like, I didn't wanna gag.

I didn't wanna be that guy. You know, so I took it and I swallowed it and he's like, it tastes bad and they're like, yeah. Then he goes, two more. I go, oh my god So he's praying again my throat's fucking it feels like I have a walnut in my throat. Yeah, but it's not he goes It's not there. Yeah, I swear I might do it. It's feel he goes. It's not there You're gonna feel that they bring me in they put me on my side. They prop up. I don't know if there's anything

More comfortable in the world for me than to be propped up. Oh, especially the way they do it for Nandosk, because what they do is they have to put you on your side. Yes. And then they get it where you're like back as supported. They got like, but then they tell you, oh, when they make you move your legs up like at the fetal position, you're like, oh, this is awesome. There was like this beautiful black.

She had beautiful, she was so chocolatey beautiful this woman. I mean, short, she had her Afro really short. It's like, oh, so attracted to her. And she had such a, she looks tight. You're all fucked up on drugs. You're like, are you from Wakanda? I went to my king and she was on the fuck out from Orange, New Jersey.

The fuck out of me. She's propping me up just as a subbie fuck. And I can feel my mass being supported by these people. And she tapped my show that she goes, okay, baby. She called me baby. Oh, I love that, man. I fall in love with so many women right before I've been put under drugs.

I go, who are you? And I lay a cup of my, excuse go, who are you? And I like having a, she's like, okay, baby. And I went, and then I was fucking out. And then I just, I literally just woke up in the other room. Yeah. And I under, I don't do drugs.

I don't, I don't want ever do drugs, but I understand why people do them. Yeah. I understand why they do psychedelic, all those type of things where you just say, I mean but I understand why people do them. Yeah. I understand why they do psychedelic, all those type of things where you just say, I mean, I understand why Michael Jackson, I mean, because if you can't sleep, and then someone goes, you gotta do,

come here for a second, sit out, and you wake up two days later and you're like, feel great. Do you understand that I had the actual drug, they didn't spray me, they gave me the actual drug that they gave Michael Jackson to put it in. Well, I got that. You got that. Well, they do it twice. They do, like actual drug that they gave Michael Jackson to put it so that you got that. Well, that's they do it twice. They do like I said, they put your brain to sleep first. Okay. And that's what that is. Is the Michael Jackson drug?

Well, that's the yeah, that's where your brain is asleep and you can just go out. And then the other one is they put your body to sleep so you don't feel it. So you did the spray. I just give you more of it. So you just did the spray and the Michael Jackson drug for your brain. I did the shut my fucking brain down. I'm out. And then spray my neck, because if you have to go even further with the drug to shut the body down. When I came out from my endoscopy and I woke up

and the lady was right there, she said, you're all done. I go, can I have more of that? As you just know. But I get why. There's a lot of people ask and I go, that's, this is the greatest I've ever felt in my life. And she's like, yeah, she's what Michael Jackson died of. The first thing she said to me,

where I was like, he's the king of pop. Oh God, he's got the best drugs. How did he die? The doctor kept giving it to him. kept giving it to him and then he got too much and he died. They thought it was murder. It was like personal doctor. Yeah, sucks. Right now, man, because much and he died. They thought it was murder. It was like person, our doctor. Yeah.

Sucks. Right out, man, because just to write him out, you feel it is gold. It sucks to take you. That just sucks. I'm so glad that shit's not readily available. I'm so glad that shit's not readily available. I loved it.

What about when they invent like cryo sleep? Are you gonna do that? No. Why? Freezing? Like when you wake up in 400 years? I have a tar shit. Yeah, like when you wake up in one way. Oh, my friends are gonna be dead. Yeah. I don't like wake up in 400 years, I have a tar shit. Yeah, I don't wake up on my friends are gonna be dead. Yeah, I don't

want to wake up and make new friends. Wake up and you're like, who are you? And they're like, you've been asleep for four years. I'm like, just I don't even want to end it. Tomorrow making new friends. Yeah, if I woke up next week and like you have to make all new friends, I'm like, this is dumb. I would be the happiest man on the really. Yeah. Well, yeah, fucking V boss call me. We should do a tour. We should now mean you. I like boss chippers. I like rich chippers.

Chippers dead. Yeah, it was I hope that somebody, I hope somebody has that character like already done and they kind of they sue him. Like he just for like, yeah, just could. like this yeah just like a Zeppelin song with it like that's very close yeah we get sued millions were you aware of Greg Gregerson popular paintings character where he was a teacher that tried to make jokes to appeals to students but they came up through the window every once in a while. What's that? He's trying to teach but he had a lateral lip

So it's different, but we're gonna sue you For artistic infringement So anyways, I did that yesterday clean bill of hell. Thank God. Here's the here's a weird part How good is it feel when you get to clean bill of health? You're almost like I'm gonna fuck some shit up. No, no, okay. No, okay. Here's the problem dude being I don't and this is no one is in this room is gonna relate to anything about the same When you're married and you got a king You just you get your clean bill of health. And you think I got another good thing.

And then, dude, and then you guys don't know, you single. Right, I'm spending all my money on me, baby. It's so hard being a fucking parent. It's almost mind-boggling because I had to go to this place. I had to get an Uber through the place. Yeah, and then Uber back by myself. Yeah, because I'm surprised They let you leave by yourself. You just sign a paper really? Yeah, thank you. I'm for that. You haven't got me the last I'm 34 and they I still have to get you much. You're about to get you 40 to get the Uber guy to pretend he's like your 40 40 is second is his next level adults. Okay.

In your 30s, you're an adult, yeah, consider an adult. Still kind of a kid. 40s is like real adults. I'll agree with that. The first time I got the endoscopy at Bellevue, they were like, when I came in, they're like, who's picking you up? I'm like, no, it's picking me up.

You guys aren't giving me, they're like, we're giving you local anesthesia. I was like, so I'll walk home. I'm an alcoholic. I'm fine. I'll probably go get a beer after this. And they were like, no, you cannot leave until you get someone. And Schumer came to get me.

Yeah, Amy Schumer, I called her, I'm like, hey, can you come get me? She's like, yes, sure. Before she was famous. Yeah, way, but I mean, yeah, you should go now. Actually, now she probably said an assistant. I bet you never, never number. Yeah, oh no, she won't definitely answer a text.

I'm like, Amy, I need you, I'm at the hospital. She'd be like, well, delete it. Oh, no, she won't definitely answer her text. I'm like, Amy, I need you. I'm at the hospital. She'd be like, we'll delete it. But this is before she was famous. I've done that with famous people on the phone. Like, yeah, I have Kevin Hart's number. And I call it once in a while. A really? Yeah.

I just see if I should do that with Damien Lewis. Let's go. Do you say anything or you just breathe? I know. Nobody picks up. Call it right now. Dude, I want Kevin to pick up so bad. I hope it goes to voice, but I'll just says is I hope it goes

This number has been blocked. Yeah Reaching after this number but it doesn't even Kevin hard to voice But yes, this is way before Schumer's fail this. That's not a good idea. And I'm like, hey, can you come get me at the hospital? She's like, yeah, I'll come pick you up. I'm near by all company. So I wake up, and this is local anesthesia.

I'm not as fucked up as I was for the second one. But I wake up kind of confused, and I'm like, I'm gonna get the fuck out of here. So I find the bucket of my shit under the bed. So I just put my clothes on and I just walk out. And then my phone is ringing like nonstop and it's Schumer. And she's like, where the fuck are you? I'm at the hospital.

They're freaking out. You walked out and I was like, oh I guess I haven't got a fucked up. I'm in the main hallway and she goes, you have to get back up here. They're freaking out. I walked in and Schumer looks at me like, what the fuck are you doing? I walked in and main hallway and she goes, you have to get back up here. They're freaking out. I walked in and Schumer looks at me like, what the fuck are you doing?

I walked in and I was like, I almost got all the way out of here. It's funny about Bellevue too because they have a whole theme where it looks like a subway. Yes! That's what I was talking about. That was on the other train.

That's what I was walking under the E and the F thing where I was like, all right, later. Hold the hole. I woke up, I've had surgery before. One time I woke up under the E and the F thing where I was like, all right, later. Hold on. I woke up, I've had surgery before. One time I woke up and the guy, you can tell he's not a good anesthesiologist. Oh, he nailed it.

Yeah, that was great. Stuck the lady. Yeah. Hold it. Hold it. Hold the curse, real. Wow. Mushmouth never gets those.

I deserve it. You do. You've earned it. I remember I came up once and you could tell they're bad whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo after the dentist or he's like, is it gonna be like this? Or else? Yeah. I was saying some weird shit. Oh, that little kid. Next one. It makes me laugh. That kid's gonna be such a drug addict when he goes up. Yeah, I do love that.

I mean, that part fucked me up. But when I woke up yesterday, he was good because I woke up like this. Hi. Did you wake up like you were like you woke up next to a girl? You go. Yeah.

What do we do with that? I'm warning. I felt like I was on, I felt like, you know what happy welcome next to a girl. You go. Yeah. What do we do last night? Good morning. I felt like I was on, I felt like I was on a hammock in Aruba as the sun was going down after I just got blown by some random girl. And then I, but then I saw Don and Max walking up and they didn't see it.

Yeah, like they, like they, you did, you did the old one. Hey guys. You did the old one. It's nice. With Frank. I love you you too. When Frank gets the darkness neck. Yeah, and she's like I miss you Frank Come back to me. He goes come back and he wakes up. He's kissing stifler I when I got I was telling Joe the story the other day when I got my wisdom teeth pulled Yeah, I got drunk the night before because I was 20 in an asshole And I woke up at a surgery in my mouth

Was this packed with gauze and I woke up and I walked to the sink and spit blood into the sink And then I turned out I looked in the nurse and made a motion like smoking weed and I go how long till I can Like that just give it a week like disappointed in me. I'm such a fucking animal I got all four impacted wisdom teeth. Yeah. Taken out at one time. That's what I did. Yeah, man.

I did not take the drugs after. Why? Because I was recovering alcoholic. Okay. And in my, but no, but in the program they say, if you need to take drugs, take them from the, so you just sat with the pain? The two days I was like, I want to do Tyler at all. Fucking moron moron.

I sat in my grandmother's basement in the basement and they made it into a room. It was like a guy room, but it was still just a musty wet smelled like old. I'm finished. Was it unfinished? Mostly. It was, yeah, it was like a, you know, old grandfather's

basement room, you know, I'm sitting down there in a chair Fucking bleeding from the mouth. I had to put a towel around a huge towel around my neck. I was dentist Just just no a huge towel around my neck. I literally described it before you said that I was thinking of I said Dentist bib So I got small piece of bounty It's a huge towel. It's a huge towel napkin. No, no, no, it's a huge towel. You're not going to go the way I want to go. You're going to be the worst two-man improv team. It's real late at night, he goes with the sun's up. I literally say it's a huge towel, like a dentist's bib.

Not even. So I'm sitting there, I just, because I had, I drooled for two days. Right. Because if I swallowing it, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have been like, but not even not even so I'm sitting there

I just because I had I drooled for two days right because if I swallowed it hurt so bad And I was bleeding so I sat here in a chair with a towel arm and I would just let the drool of rivers your grandma's I see my fucking retarded grandson Come down here. He's just rolling on a towel. It's blood and Drill of river sounds like a great band album. Yeah, yeah, a jewel of river. Yeah, a jewel of rivers. It was bad.

It hurt so I fucked up. I fucked up. Yeah, my mom fucked up when I got my wisdom teeth pulled and she was supposed to get my medication on her way home from work because my friend just drove me home and I went to sleep and I woke up at like 5'30 and my mom just has a cocktail and she's watching the news.

And I wake up on the couch. I guess My mom goes oh fuck I forgot the pain pills Remember putting your drink down on the side table like I'll be right back. I'm so sorry Well, we haven't introduced you. Oh me wow Mike good catch. All right I'm gonna do show. Who me? Wow, Mike, good catch. Oh, all right. What did you do?

I'm gonna have fun. You would do it, everybody. Gabby, you would do it, everybody. Go ahead. I haven't been quiet. I'm gonna be fine. He said, he said fucking, uh, I said a bunch of stuff.

I'm gonna be in that. Of course he's not gonna talk to you. Yeah. Yeah. Man is, I literally, I'm exactly, I grew up in this house. Yeah. I'm in my house.

I came up with my backpack on the couch. So from Billion, the bonfire, why could I be the regular? I From billions of fire why can I be the regular dance owner? The stupid little podcast hey Brando's like a lot that is my podcast. Yeah, that's a good name. Thank you stupid little podcast Yeah, it is cute Anyways, all right well, I gotta do a, do I have to do this ad now? Oh no, let's do that. I get to find out if Vecchio is afraid of DVR

because I'm trying to get him to DVR, the Andre the Giant documentary tonight. But when I tell Vecchio into DVR stuff, he fucking locks up. Why? Because he doesn't understand technology. Oh, I know. But I bought a new TV and he doesn't know

how to get to the cable box. But TVs haven't, I know. You fancy to the cable box, but TV's haven't I know I know that Bobby you and I get it No me you and everybody else of the planet I have a excuse me very much. I'm sorry about this gas Okay, do you want a gas X? Rub your head. You know what you got gas?

Oh, she's got five ears. Shut the fuck up. What do you need? Stop breathing your leg. No, you're not breathing correctly. No, you take three gas ex a day. I'm not taking gas ex. I breathe correctly.

I got you. Can't assess. Does that make you harder? I still worry. What are you dating, fucking Mike Fini? What is that shit? Did you just... What is that?

I throw out and you catch it. Oh my God. I saw God recently on the train and he won't be named on this podcast. But when I was saying goodbye to him, he shook my hand and winked and I went, don't ever do that. But it came out of me so naturally.

So you saw my Fini on the train. He goes, all right, he goes, all right, I'll see you. He goes, all right, dude, good scene. I'll see you later. And he goes like that and I go, don't ever do that. At least I'm who it is. I really can't. I'm, all right dude, good scene. I'll see you later. He goes like that and I go, don't ever do that. At least I'm who it is. I can't really hang it.

I'm not friends with him. What's his initial? DT. You don't know. I guarantee you don't know. Black guy? No, white dude. He did it and I brought it up.

I brought it up. I'm solving it. Definitely white dude. Hang on, DT does not exist. Yeah, DT. I swear to God, DT exists because when I was walking over, I whispered to me. There's cameras. I'll tell you who it is.

It's a real fucking person. I swear to God. We just got subtitles up on it. Yeah, why did you become the dumbest person I know? You went into the camera. You don't know. I can't tell. I don't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can't even.

I can't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can't even.

I can't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can't even.

I can't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can't even. I can you ever tried online dating, Dan. Yeah. Yeah. I started, I tried to app, app dating. You did? Yeah. What happened?

Well, I'm single. Well, it doesn't work. Yeah. It doesn't work. Lazy text messages, dead end conversations, rammed them matches. Just get, you get matched with people. You don't even know. Yeah, that's the whole point, dude.

Yeah, I think that's the whole thing. Yeah, would you get matched with people you know? No, I'm sorry. This is too much. Guys, why did this match me with Mrs. Suule, my third-hand teacher? Also, she's on the market. I finished.

That, first of all, both he is. All right, you're fucking Lucy and fucking Dezzy. Oh, thank you. Was it Dezzy? You know, let me finish. I, I, there was a pause, that was a dramatic pause. You don't even know spiritually. Oh, you're not even involved. You're not even in the same ballpark spiritually or mechanically.

Are you? Are you, are you, are you, are you competing us for a sexy cold? Yeah. You go, what if I told you you give me all your money and you could find paradise? Listen, honestly, if you do all these other ones that like, I see these kids, I know people like Stavvy babies on a swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe,

swipe, swipe, swipe. Stavvy babies is sexual icon on this one. It's just a crazy person. But you know, you're out there trying to get something. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr.

and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr.

and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr.

and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. and Mr. Mr. to suck my dick because he's just a good one too. We're doing the read. Of course. Oh yeah, let's, let's rain it in. This is what he made me try. I know, well, not really. I have to read the read for it to be good. And then I have to read.

Of course. Yeah, but I don't need two albums. Yes. Can I just take a while and off? Yeah. I'll have three songs. Can I do the read? Of course.

Do it. Do it. Oh, I was going to let you do the read. Because you're a bummer. Oh, yeah. Yeah leave you the read Cuz you're a bummer Listen, here's a deal you never thought you meet somebody online that was so compatible And these people are Unbelievable, okay? e-harmony takes steps that others don't.

Um. I was trying to have a say. But let me just see where you've been. I want to see where you've been. Can I see this? Of course. You've seen the successors for E-Harmony, real people finding real matches with E-Harmony. We never thought we'd meet someone online that was so

Compatible. Let me see that. We were so grateful. We were able to find each other. That's from Lisa and Mark. Yeah, it's pretty nice. Don't settle for it. I was trying to read without my glasses. That's where you got in trouble, dude. And I'm trying to fight the fact, dude. This is what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to fight the fact that I can't read. Yeah, because harmony is built to help you find lasting meaningful relationships Not a shallow hookup site. It helped over a million people find their perfect match. Yes, he harmony brings combatable people Give it to John Read your nervous. Where is it right down there? Oh, okay? There are plenty of hookup sites out there,

and this is not what they are. Give it to me. Can I try one more? No, you can't. There are plenty of hookups. Where were you? We're all just keeps like the same thing. There's so many hookup sites. No, there really is. E-Harmony takes steps that other dating sites don't, okay? In order to find your more compatible match, E-Harmony, it's the number one trusted dating site at based on a 2018 survey of 1616, what is that 16,000 US singles? Oh my God, based on a 2008 survey of 1600 US singles. There you go. I don't

know what that means. Why is it to survey of 1616 US singles? Read that. You should be reading these and making sure there's no typos. Is that a typo? My survey of 1616 US singles based on a 2018 survey of 1600 US singles. What does that mean? That's a typo, right? A typo, yeah. Yeah. We should read these and go through these beforehand, so I don't look like a freaking mirror on. You look great, dude. You look great. I'm excited for you, Harmony.

Stop. There it is. All the way down. That's why I'm trying to teach my kid. Stop. Okay, here we go. Right now, my listeners, this is where we should get to. E-Harmony doesn't mess around. If you're really looking for a meaning for a legend, this is where we should get to. E-harmony doesn't mess around.

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with the code word dude that's the you de at checkout. Okay, stop watching, watch it waiting and start your journey right now to a satisfying meaningful relationship. It can be fun to play around with online dating apps. Sure, you can have fun swiping people's whole lives away like a serial killer. When you're ready to fall in love with somebody and have a meaning for relationship, there's one app that's built to bring you real love. And that's eharmony.com.

See how eharmony can change your life. Go to eharmony.com and get started today. Enter my code, dude, at checkout. I really pulled it off at the end. Yeah, that was great. That was amazing. That was really good. Yeah, we're gonna just go through the, it was great. It was amazing. That was really good.

Yeah, we could just go through the, it was great. One typo, here's the thing, one typo, I'm fucked up. You know, I go off the reins. Jay and I lost our Uber sponsorship. You really? I don't care. Why? Because we were saying that you could become an Uber driver

and kidnap your child in the drive across country lines. Yeah. And then they wrote us an email that were like, you can't say this stuff. And then we read on air what they said we couldn't say. And then we're done. Yeah, that's usually the way it works. So we lost them as a sponsor. That's what I was saying. I still take Uber. That's all right. It's still Lyft. You know, you got. You know, do you know the movie? No, there's a new, uh, pregnant teenage girl. It's just a smart Jewish guy that picks you up You know Did you know I was pretty corny but I love it

It was good We have a special guest coming in. Yes sir. Oh, what's up Michael? Oh, oh check this out. Yes, April. I love it Comedy seller Vegas is open you guys go to the website check this out Steve burn the 11th. That's Wednesday this Wednesday, 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. due to free later the 18th, 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. and then we have Dove David off the 25th of April. This month, the show start on Wednesday. These guys are handlining on Wednesday night two shows. Make sure you go check them out. And also for the rest of the week, they're sending the comics from the seller down there.

Every single show is off the fucking chain. So go to comedyseller.com right now for tickets. It's an amazing lineup. Every single show, comedy, crappy comedy in Vegas is the thing of the past. Comedy seller is making that happen. You got Emmy, Blotnik, you got Julian McCullough, Emma Wilman, Wilman, and Greer Barnes. That's a show right there. That's a show on a Saturday night at the cellar.

That's a show right there. So go to comedycell.com. You go to other shows. I swear, go to Vegas, go to the other shows. If you see a better show than the Vegas, I'll give you money back. There it is. He just said it. I saw Chris Angel in Vegas and it was like not even close to being sold out

So it's just like this weird dude doing magic for like six people wait seriously I was 21 the segway to our next guest. We have a magician coming in a little bit You say that this show is a much better show than going to see Chris. Yeah And I don't think he said that though. I'm trying to fix it Bobby I don't need any help here No, you do You were from greatest shows ever and you went I went and saw Chris angel and it was empty I did say it like a kindergarten And it wasn't good make sure you go to my I want to thank who my thank you. What's his name? Oh? Oh check it out. Sorry guys. Um, it wasn't on. That's why I thought this should be on

Like they got about this. They got me a little device here on the computer. So like an old man I really am an old man. I can't wait to love old man Bobby. I'm a big fan of I'm listen motherfucker. Yeah, dude. What's up, dude? I got the, I got the, I'm gonna get the t-shirts made. Do you wanna see the t-shirts? Yes, I, of course I do. And I want one, because the YKWD hoodie is one of my favorite hoodies. This is the, I just steal it from loose.

Pushcraft party boys. Haha. Ready for the push. Oh yeah. We're going, we're going out to the woods. I know. So set. I talked to the Ranger.

Oh, I got it. This morning, when you guys going? To 21st. And I had a beautiful, awesome fan. This dude, I, to the Ranger. Good morning. When you guys going to 21st. And I had a beautiful awesome fan this dude. I fuck I forget his name. It's in my phone. He gave me this little out toy kit. You guys are going to May 21st. May 21st. You want to go? You can't go. You need to buy a tent and sleep in bag and all kinds of stuff. I also have a job that day. Oh, you have to work. Yeah. Okay. Good. Have fun. We're going to have fun in nature. Bushcraft potty boy. Cool. I'm going to stop. I hope a job that day. Oh, you have to work. Yeah. Yeah, okay, good. Have fun. We're gonna have fun in nature,

bushcraft potty boy. Cool, I'm gonna stop. I hope a bear. Me too. Me too. I'll fight it. No dude comes in. I will.

I guarantee you won't. Have you ever been close to a wild bear? Yes. When? Two days ago. Well, well, what was it? What? I was a kid.

That was it. How close to a wild bear word? Bob, you and me. No, you weren't. Me and you. Me and you. You and me. You were bass. Bass. Bass.

I was a bear. Well, when I lived in Alaska, I'll fuck you. How am I going to beat that? What happened? My neighbor's dog. How am I going to beat when I lived in Alaska? My aunt's neighbor had a golden retriever tied up

to its mom. You sent me up for this first of all, because you went, have you ever been close to a bear? And I was like, and that's what you said to this up, because you went like this. You went, there's a bear, I up to it's back. You sent me up for this first of all because you went, have you ever been close to a bear and I was like, and that's me. You set it this up because you went like this. You went, that's a bear fight it. But this is what you did. I went like this.

That's like me saying, dude, have you ever been, have you ever dated a stripper? Because when I was in Los Vegas. I mean, I didn't really date, kind of dated and then I found out you had a boy from the whole time. This thing, I was pretty wrong guys. But there is a, my aunt's neighbor had a golden retriever, like tied up in their backyard. Well, there wasn't a backyard, there was no fences.

You could just see the backyard, because it was like, you know, 100 yards away, the backyard, dogs going ape shit. And I'm sitting on the back patio, smoking a cigarette, and I'm like, it's night, but it doesn't get dark there. So it's like, dusk. And I'm like, this dog's losing his shit like

I'm like trying to jump off the train. I look up the hill. There's a giant brown bear like 10 feet away from the bear from the dog And the dog was making such a fuss that the bear like brown bear Giant grizzly bear looking at this looking at this dog and the bear was just kind of like I fuck it and just ran back up the hill. But I was like, I was fucking terrified and the bear was probably 100 yards away from me. So I thought it got inside. Can I say something else?

I've done a lot of research. I've done a lot of research. There's a certain rattlesnake that lives up with the cat skills. Yeah, Lose Jardomas. That's where it's from. How funny would that be? So Rockland County.

So Rockland County rattlesnake. How funny your Rogan? Oh, no, it's just a bear. Goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose goose I'm out of here. Is that Joe Rogan? Oh, no, it's just a bear. He's doing it in his voice. They have to. They have to go, go, go, go. They have a black bear. But he said the chances of you seeing a black bear are crazy.

You know about black bears, right? Yeah. If you play dead, they still fucking go to kill you. I'm not playing dead. They're garbage bears. That's what it is. I'm not playing dead. If you run into a grizzly, you're supposed to play dead. Well, I'm not playing dead. They're garbage. That's what it is. I'm not playing dead. Well, you are.

If you run into a grizzly, you're supposed to play dead. Well, I'm not playing dead. I'm fucking gonna act big. I got bear spray. I got a bell on my bag. I love a bell. You guys got to put your food up in a tree. I know that.

I have the, it's called a cordage. I'm Colorado Dan. These are some more. Also, don't forget to wrap up at night. Even though it might be warm out during the day, it will drop. That's why you can't freeze yourself. You have to do brand new impressions every week.

Not there, right? Yeah, I'm like, who's popular at the time? You're going to wake up doing a great, man-ranny savage. He was president way longer ago. He's dead, dude. I want to thank somebody really quick, brand new member of my channel. He, Clint Byers. I want to thank you really quick, a brand new member of my channel. Um, he, uh, Clint Byers, I want to thank you very much for joining. He is a, uh, big, uh, member of what's going on?

What's happened? Nothing. We just have to move it over for the other guest. I know. That was supposed to be like a side thing. Oh, room fucking. Just, you're all on camera. Okay.

Remember you're on camera. Everybody just starts whispering and shit. My response for free. I will be responsible for whispering and shit my responsible for Your self Barbie fucking you're like you're giggling. He's fucking making noise I'm trying to thank somebody who you think I'm trying to Clint buyers Thank you very much have some fucking respect for the fans do I love the fans, huh? Thank you very much. Have some fucking respect for the fans. I do. I love the fans. Huh? I love them.

You're one step closer to the 750 for the the bang bang you guys are gonna do. So what a step closer to that. I think we all do a bang bang with them. You and I did a bang. We did. I say we hit 750. We're gonna do a bang bang. Everybody here. One of the only things I've cried about going to bang bang. Yeah, where they're like I'm like one of the coolest moments of my career was actually having a real bang bang. Yep, everybody here. One of the only things I've bragged about. Going to bang bang? Yeah, I was like, one of the coolest moments of my career was actually having a real bang bang with Bobby. Where he was like, you want to do a bang bang?

I was like, fuck in a ride, I do. Which two places do you go? I don't remember. I was going to be the first time being in my podcast. Might be one of those times. The first time I was in my podcast. Took you out of fucking up security. I mean,

I still smell like some outro for three months. I'm a non-victist. Fuckin' the'm a character actor Yeah, Joe Deroza said I did three, you know, you had some trust in me three voices done Got him is Joe How's he doing? He's fucking yeah, he switched his hair cut back finally, so he doesn't look like an alt-right blogger And it's great. It's great. It's great. I forgot that Derosa is that guy where he's super aggressive and then super apologetic in one thing

where he's like, you don't fucking know. You're wrong. You're like, you're wrong. You're like, you're wrong. You're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like Why is he he's gone he's gone he flew back to LA now calm right now Welcome he's in the plane. He's not on the plane. He's on the plane. He's on the plane. He's on the plane His on the plane. He started though. He's still roasted. I have a thing. I have a thing. I track his phone He didn't know that it wasn't Where's my friend? I put a chip behind his ear dude. I found that I got a buddy who we found that that is girlfriend installed that on a He goes I go you don't have find my friends dude. I go that's like day one Stocker shit and he goes I don't have that he searched

Joe hey hey Joe it's your pal Robert Kelly remember him Robert Kelly remember him? Uh Bobby, we were just called me. I was just thinking of you know I was just being H. You don't call me when you're in town and hang out? I was here for a day and a half that's it, but my wife is a bus right now. I'm here with you pal, Dan Soder that you fucking hung out with last night. Hey Joe, best buddy! Soder is a rat. Best buddy No, he tried to stick up for you

So suck a dip Joe I go with John what a calm right now he goes He's on the plane dude. He went back already. He can't go. I'm like fuck you I don't believe you cuz I don't believe him cuz I know he's a fucking rat And there you are at bnh And there you are at B&H. I gotta get the bus, so I went into B&H from a little while. What bus are you getting? Things are real bad for Joe. Do you want to do a go-fun me? We're gonna do a Patrice benefit for Joe.

Yeah, yeah. I want mine to be on it. Joe, you got a point there. I wouldn't mind a nice benefit once every five years. Just to pay my house off. I hung up on you. That's Joe list. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Oh, this is going to be good.

Oh, it's a Joe off. Oh, what happened? Oh, it's a Joe three way. Oh, you did. Joe. Joe is going to be calling like all pain killer up. Hello, but you love you. Oh, it's a Joe three way Joe's gonna be calling like all pain killer up My mouth is so small

They had to go into the bottom then to go into the bottom of my jaw Allow Joe It's Joe list it's Joe list. That's not Joe list. Oh, the face of the swimming at low. Joe, did they have to give your face a C section? He's that. That Brandon Sagalo just said, did they have to give you a face a C section? That face looks like his, it's all flow. Did they have to give you a face a C section?

Are you okay buddy? Yeah, I'm good. Oh, you did that would you have your girls tampons in your mouth for a gag? No, it's my tongue. I put my tongue out. Oh, it's pretty good. How are you feeling Joe? I'm in the screen actors guild. I really know how to do the necessary things to throw my voice around. Joe, how are you feeling? I'm feeling pretty good, not great, but I'm more swollen than yesterday.

It hurts feeling like I'm punched in the face, but you know, they gave me some drugs and I've been masturbating and fingering my ass well. Did they put you to sleep? Mm-hmm. Yeah did they put you to sleep and they put me to sleep the uh... play a couple episodes of your podcast hey thanks for the shout out hello girl

today so it's gonna be a magician there i'm missing a minute yeah we will call he's coming in two seconds yeah yeah i booked a magician for today it's gonna be a lot of fun I thought it'd be great a great fun because I love magic and and you're not here I really feel bad because I know you love magic too. I do love magic ask him if he knows Derek Del Guado from in and of itself that's a great show going on right now Union Square. Yeah I'm not gonna do that.

Also Joe the underground magic that's what jose and jono's about the fucking punk magic scene asking if you know that he told long gore it's he's doing some cool stuff that not a lot of people are doing it ask him to do this the uh... the one t c-quarter listen uh... i hope you feel better.

Did you get the logo for the bushcraft party boys? I did. Yes, I got to go get a tent and shave my pubes, but I'm down. I can't wait. Why are you shaving your what? Because you're all about to find the prize. I'm working on it. Great.

What are you guys going to make a beard out of your pubes for me? Jonas bears won't attack if you don't have This this one will This one will mean are you this is just deployed a fuck you in the woods Beard's house done done. Yeah, I love Joe. I love phone Joe. Yeah, because you know why he's not the roommate.

Yeah, you're not. You done a poll guys. Hey, Joe and Joe, Joe list and Joe Daros, you're on the phone together. Yeah, Joe list. joe joe list and joder. I used to use the phone remember yeah You know what you get a good point Joe. I before he said something fucking outrageous I probably should have told you that the wife and kids are in the car too and you're on speaker phone Oh, what speaker phone? No, I was there was a okay, forget it bad joke. No, you're on the podcast. I apologize. I'm about to get on the bull bus. A bolt-bump.

I'm still on the bull bus. I'm not trying to get to the... No, I know. It's the easiest way to get to my mom to Jersey. Well, I think that's kind of where they live. I think a car is a little easier. They have a mission on today. Maybe you can borrow some money. I think I'm done. I'm done.

It's not happening for me. Are you coming back to New York? I'm hoping to. But I'll tell you what, maybe not when I come back. I wanted to do Jay and Dan Soda's radio show yesterday, the key for they made us wait. Like we were doing stir. Did you sit in a lobby so they went to break? Are you kidding me?

I got them right. No, I think I'm finished. I didn't get that for me. Yeah. Fucking Dan Soda, the guy you brought on the YKWD slinging guacamole. It's guacamole. You moron. I'm going to come. That's disgusting. I'm going. That's the end of the dosing the fucking people with those

penis. Exacy tacos. Sorry, sorry, sorry. You shut up. I have. I said I should have made you wait longer. You on great flask hole. Oh, the fuck.

Down turn. Down turn. Joe, I'm with you, buddy. This is what we do, Joe. We wait him out. Like he's been waiting everybody out like Wanda and Amy and look at that. Got him. He's that half battery power. What's what I call a stroke? I fucked up. There's so much keep doesn't matter. He had a stroke and nobody cares. There's so much keep doesn't matter yet. It's broken nobody cares Yeah, they just had a go they had a half a go fund me Monroe Martin retweeted something

Yeah, we're trying to raise 5500 dollars for keystroke We'll also take a case of water. Yeah, can you do you may have an extra cane? All right listen, oh my god Joe Joe list Joe when are you coming back and you're just going straight from there back to LA? I go from Jersey back to LA, but I'll be back. I think next month. We got to do that podcast with me and you remember the one we fought Oh, I was there. No, he was He was With Kathy no not the one with Kathy the one with fucking Ted Alex andro remember that one that we never I never aired it I never ever the Kathy one it was so bad. I know do I want it I want me to listen to it and then we'll break we're gonna we're gonna unwrap it. What about the Kathy Kelly? I would love to do that

100% the one with love to do that. The one with Ted Alexander. Oh, him and Ted's not going at it. And then I went at it with Joe and Joe and me turned on each other. Ted just clicked dude. It was so bad. I was like, I'm not putting this out. But on the patron.

Yeah, you've done you've done two episodes that you haven't released. And I think you need to do recaps of them both with the Rosa. Yeah, the Rosa story occupied. Yeah, Ted was all wound up. two episodes that you have released and i think you need to do recaps of both of the rosa and the roger story occupy the all-round-up and it's a back from jail

and the and and and and and and

and and and and and and you have one and he was like i go what wrong what's wrong he goes I just, I remember I was talking to Rob. I go, do I have any podcasts? I don't release. He goes, you have one. And he was like, I go, what wrong?

What's wrong? He goes, it was the one where you and Joe did Rosa fought with Ted Alexander. You told me never to air this like lock it in the vault. And he goes, I've listened to it. You could air that one if you wanted to. I was like, let me talk to Joe. Me and Joe unwrapped this thing together we'll probably want to fight again. I want to do it dude 100% that sounds awesome.

We have to sign a contract that we will not not be friends at the end of that podcast. We will be friends dude it's from five years ago. I hope we I hope we've grown enough. Well, I don't know if I have. I'm still a mental patient. Hi, buddy. I was speaking. Yeah, I know.

I don't think I have either. All right. We'll sign up for a week's more. All right. But Joe list list. List are still there. Yeah, still here. Nobody will say this, but I've just

been kind of sitting and listening and enjoying this I love both you guys we're gonna get to the magician Joe Dero, so I'll call you on the next couple and Joe list feel better Okay, buddy. All right All right, well, I say we get to magic. Should we? Do we have anything else to announce? No that's all the all the things. This week uh where am I this weekend? I'm at uh where am I? Oh Syracuse funny bone. Cue. Two days. Oh I want to thank the guy who got me the bushcraft kit. Really quick to go back to that. Gave me a little out toy.

It walks out big fucking country boy. Gives me a little out toy thing. And it's a fire stuff like an old school fire starter kit. It's badass. With all the stuff in it, you know, the flint and the rock and the stuff and the rope and the blot and the game. It's awesome. Unbelievable.

All the fans that came and gave me shit this weekend. You're literally I love you so much. You're the best motherfucker in the world. So there you go. Syracuse this week in Cobbs next week. Oh, come on out. I know I want to take my kid to that one. I want to go to San Fran.

Tevers, right? Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah, I love it. I love it. Love the club. Molly's the shit. Molly's the shit. Yeah, fans's amazing. It's amazing. I love it. I love the club. Molly's the shit. Molly's the shit.

Yeah, fans are great except the last guy who really affected me. I had a guy kicked out last time I was there. Front row, talking to his girl the whole time. Not a fan. Just got tickets. Yeah. And he was fucking yapping. And then he looked up.

I mean, ever since then, I'm not today, but he goes, you sure it's wrinkled. That's what a great act was. What a great heckle. What a great fucking I'm gonna leave and blow you up in three months Yes, that three months for three months Six months. Oh good. I'm literally in my room. I'm in every exactly because I don't want a steamer I got they don't work as good as an ions quicker Stimers wayfers I would fucking beg to different. Let's race. Let's race. Buddy, I will. You want to do it? What does it want to get? Buddy, we'll race. Buddy, buddy. Come to the Lafaculty.

I'm a Los Angeles. Yeah, that's how Dane Cook is back. Do you want to, do you want to race you all die? Fucking dude. I got a steamer. That steamer that steamer gets going your fuck dude, but just one First of all on the inside of the shirt you fill the iron up with water fill the steamer But when plug them in and you go and I guarantee my shirt is better pressed and well, that's press quicker quicker I don't have wrinkles. Well anyways. This is f**k this guy really put a zinger on me Now every time I'm on stage, I'm just like, I have to iron my shirt.

Putting your thing. I just, I just, I just, people look at me like, yeah, shirts, wrinkles. What a piece of garbage, you know? So anyways, we're gonna get to the magician right now. Very excited. Gabby, I said to Gabby, I go, I want a magician. Open your mind.

She went, you're a queer. And I went, you're an asshole. No, she didn't say that. I said, because I had a guy one time say, I think it was, if you like magic, you're a fucking idiot. Puss, I said that. I don't know.

I think it was Rogan or something. That's ridiculous. Maybe it was if you believe in magic, which, oh, of course, but I love magic. I believe in magic. I love magic. I love magic. Magic is my, I love it.

I wish I, my little fat fingers I could do it. My fingers, you could do it. You could totally be a guy. You could not, you need to be, you need certain, you need a certain, you should've said, Qua. I need it so clearly, to believe.

We could've done a way better talk, she'll think. In the mysticism of magic. Imagine the big bonfire would probably have been all the tire fire. No. I'm on board, dude. All right, so let's bring it.

Let's let's announce him first. Do you know his name? Yes, name's John Stessel. John Stessel, who I've watched this stuff online. He's so cool. I watch magicians all the time. I love sleight of hand. I love so cool. I watch magicians all the time. I love sleight of hand. I love card tricks.

I think it's fucking, and I've never not been fooled. I've always fooled. I'm never like, I know how that happens. I always go like this. How did you do that? I'm really like, there's something dare I say magical. Oh, what a shame.

Let's bring him in. This is great. Has he been waiting in that room the entire time? what if all the cloud of smoke and he was sitting here the whole time What if I told you I was the shake if he can't be I don't fly in and he becomes I would walk away because I believe he's the devil here We go ladies and gentlemen I would stay cuz I think I do some There he is What there he is Yeah, sit in the middle. We're gonna switch up with you. Yeah, you know like how I am Now how important is it from additions to look good because all magicians seem to there's no like No, they all have steal your girl face. Yeah, there's no ball

There's no like, they all have steal your girl face. Yeah, there's no bald, judging magician. You know what I mean? There's my next trick is to iron my shirt. I've never seen a blotchy magician. You know what I mean? Like shitty skin and just, my next trick is to turn this french fry into an onion ring. That is your trick.

What is it? What is it? Is being, because you got these green magical eyes. Your hair is... That's all genetics. Your hair is fucking awesome. That's a great hit.

That's funny if you're like, magic. You have a magic. You change as eye color. You're like, you have a little tiny, nice, tight torso. What am I doing?

What's happening here? You're praising him in a very weird way. What if I was just a old queen and I had her just getting magician body? Yeah. That's my thing. I like magic body. You're all right with a certain time. Just slight of hand. Where's my watch? When did you start dabbling in the dark arts?

What would it say? I didn't say much about the dark arts. Where did you start messing around with sorcery? It's a God-fearing man. I need a God-fearing man. No, I started magic when I was eight years old, so I'd be doing it for over a decade. Oh, sorry, I'm not used to this stuff.

Our mics aren't magic. Oh, hey. Just put those headphones on too, right? Oh, that might help, thank you. When you killed Dumbledore, was it a... That's... Oh, this makes it a lot more sense, but, but an eight years old were you like, this is awesome and I want to just learn all the tricks.

Well, no, my sister gave me like a magic set and it had this little like green tray that you'd put a quarter in it one way and it would be there. I'm not a that way around. Oh, cool. And I was like, I mean, this quarter disappeared. I have no idea where the quarter is.

I'm a little eight year old. And I like poked it halfway and I saw just moving over and I showed everybody like, this is, look where it's gone. I'm a little eight year old. Oh yeah. And I like poked it halfway and I saw just moving over and I showed everybody like this is look where it's going. We get it John. We get it. And my family calls me John John. So like we get it John John. It's it's okay. We're gonna go back to yeah. John John John John John John it doesn't. It just slides over. And then it comes back. I had the same reaction to she-mails. Yeah. I was 23. Oh, it's perfect. Wait a minute. She has a poop, she has a leg. It's as magic.

Because I'm pretty sure I can make that penis disappear. Slide of throat. You're a little bit more like a Slider throat We still don't think he's on a dumb raw cheese You're right Mike, we're picking a fucking corn chips from this weekend He's Mexican What national? What nationality are you? I am Puerto Rican, German, Russia, I'm a mutt I've got a lot

We're from Wayne, New Jersey, originally Wayne, New Jersey So. Wayne, New Jersey. So I currently live in South New Jersey, like Long Branch area in Mometh County. Now, how long have you been doing magic professionally? Professionally, I guess, I started making money doing magic when I was 15, so for at least like six or seven years now.

Now, I'm assuming, I mean, I don't know, but can you pick up girls with this? Have you, you use it? I do have a girlfriend who hopefully is watching right now, but I mean, it could be like a little superpower in the bar, like if you really call her, do you call her your assistant? No, I do not.

You should. Oh my gosh, oh you should have. Oh you should have. Can she fit you in a box? Yeah, she totally put her in a box. No, I do not. She would hate that. No.

I think there's maybe like one video of her on my page. I do a lot of stuff on Instagram. I'm like an Instagram blogger, Ella. Well, this is a thing with the social media now with the magicians is that you can do these quick Instagram, because I follow a few magicians. And the Instagram is perfect for you guys because it's not six seconds like a vine.

It's like a minute and you can do these massive collages of tricks with bunch of people outside and it really gets you a lot of attention. Right? I would say without a doubt there are tons of magicians who have been using this platform to go completely viral and thankfully I think I have been as well. Do you ever use magic when you and your girlfriend are like arguing? Like if you're like having sex.

What about having sex? Both no. Both no. Yes, you go, guess where it is right now Love the nobody waited for his question to be answered. They just would being being Here's one here's one go answer you magic boy listen listen to me look at me look at me look at me right here six You were thinking the number six. That's amazing. Thank you. What? I'm a six. That's amazing.

Thank you. What? Best trick of the day guys. What if I was really need to be here? What if I was really a magician and I just put him under a fucking thing right now? Spell? Yeah, honestly I was listening him back

and I was really sad that they were like, what if you appeared from this curtain? We couldn't have set that up. I would've came with six out of it. Oh, fuck you're putting it on me. I would've put it on me. Six hours early, just like words back there. Gabby would make a great,

yeah, I would've just come to the end. Comedy and magic. Yeah, well, it's been like, oh, there's screwed. I'm waiting. Listen, so I want to ask you a question gabby would make a great. Yeah, I would have just comedy and magic. It's been like, oh, there's screw and I'm waiting. Listen, so I want to ask you a question. So you have a girlfriend. Now, you can definitely pick up a lot of chicks with this. I mean, comedy gets a lot, but magic must get a ton to walk into a bar, blah, blah, blah,

and then be like, hey, what's this? And pull it up. Oh, the condom disappears. Have you ever, have you, check your drink? Have you ever done you check your drink? Have you ever done that? I've seen it. Six hours later.

Oh, you're drinking sleep. No, no, no. That is not a good magic trick. Don't like that one. That's not what you hit. But Chris used to walk up to you drink if you're hanging out with him. And he go like this boom,

seeing a couple hours dude. That's what it's about. That's what it's about. You're like, what the fuck? That's a good point. You're like, what the fuck? Have you ever used magic in a relationship seriously? Like, have you ever done some silly shit where they got sick of it? Where they're like, all right, a nuffy magic.

Oh, I would say that every relationship have ever had, whether it be dating or just like family, all are sick of it. The sick of it. Because I would say that it gets to a point, especially I'm a weird magician. I don't just perform I invent magic tricks nice So you tell me tell me what you so you come up with your own I come up with my own

From scratch are they are they a culmination other magic tricks? I would say it's a lot of a culmination of other things a little bit from scratch And that's like my own contribution, but it's mainly like I'm in like oh man I really want to link to every bands together So I like go and sit down and think of like 30, 40 different ways to do it. And I pick my favorite ways. And I start just kind of deconstructing

and making magic tricks. Right. And what does you go as a magician? Look, all of us as comics, we want to become so successful that we can tour and you have our own TV show or being movies and, you know, make money and just, you know, make people laugh. And, but be it a level of, oh my God,

I'm making enough money, famous almost. Now, from magicians, it's pretty hard to get famous, isn't it? I mean, I would say it is, but I would say it, it may be, I don't know the statistics behind it, but it might be similar to comedians, right? See, I bet a lot more people are interested in comedy than magic period. So that means that I bet a lot more people are interested in comedy than magic, period. Right.

So that means that there's a lot more successful comics. Okay. But I bet you, if there was like a ratio, same thing with magicians. There are a lot of successful magicians that go on to have TV shows and professional careers that are almost famous that you may have never even heard of. Right.

Who's your favorite? My favorite magician? Oh, that's a tough question. But like, who's under, who, who no one knows? Like, who's your favorite underground magician? I mean, I wouldn't say underground, but like probably one of my favorite magicians right now and I work super closely with the guys. This magician Dan White, he is like a big mentor to me. Yeah, he has a sold out show at the Nomad hotel. And he's like just one of the most prolific performers I've seen in like a long time. So I'm

actually really lucky. I work with him on a show. You go back really quick. Really go back just with the Google. Go back to the magicians have opened that Google. Yeah, is that right there? Is that really funny that that actually really looks like a magician? I think that's my next look. So like next time I come back here,

I'm gonna have that mustache, that bow tie, and maybe some like glasses. So depending on who that is, it's a martial reef. Let me ask you questions. So you can make a living off of's Omar Sharif. Let me ask you a question. So you can make a living off of this. You can make a good living off of me. I would definitely say so. So this guy, your mentor, he has his own,

like what is he there? So he has a residency at the Nomad Hotel. Okay, so what is that? What is that? I go into a magic show. I think, okay, I think I'm gonna sit down. They're gonna come out with some dramatic shit, then do some sleight of hand, then make a canary,

come out of his fucking hat, and then- No, no, no, so the show that I work on, that may feel like what you would assume you'd go to see a magic show. What Dan White and the Theory 11 team have done, if they've made something completely unlike that. Basically, they've made an immersive, interactive magic show, where it's like,

it's in the Nomad hotel, which is this beautiful upscale boutique hotel on 20th and Broadway. And basically they have a conference room that they retrofitted into a magic show. So right away you walk in, you're like, oh, I'm gonna go see this corny magic show. And then you're like, walking through this beautiful hotel and you're like, are these guest rooms a mile out of talk right now? Then you get into our like our theater show at war. And it's just a conference room that has cocktail tables and you're getting served some of the best beverages. And then you get to see a really immersive magic show.

And it's a really cool experience. We've had tons of incredible people come. And that guy that you guys put on the screen, Dan White, he's probably one of my favorite performers. Really? Yeah, he's awesome. He's really great. How do you feel about the magic castle in LA?

I mean, I like the magic castle. I've never actually been, I guess I like the idea of it. But I've heard so many mixed reviews. What if you watch negative things that you heard about it? Well, from a lot of magicians, it's corny and dated. From a lot of people that go, I saw the best magic or I saw the worst. And also it's like just professional magicians routines.

So like you're gonna go see, you can even see me there theoretically, right? Whoever they book. So it's like a comedy club. Yeah, it's kind of like a comedy club for magicians Yeah, but you don't even go if you're staying at the hotel or invited by a member by a member That's so fucking weird though. How do they make money off of that? I am not sure how they make much money Kid so you have to become can I become a member? Yeah, I would assume so how do you how do you become a member?

Do I actually learn a magic trick? I pay a price and try to learn a magic trick Like making a I'm trying to learn a magic trick. Like a lesson, magic, like, you got to do a freaking, make it a ocean blot. I'm just concoing you all right? Like they were like the only way to get in is we need to give you a tattoo. Yeah. And you're like, what?

We need to brand you. Yeah, like that would make it so much more cool. Hang on right here, we got it. What is it? Well, how much is it, Mike? I thought I'm trying to find it. See, there's a price for everything. It's just telling you what you get right here.

I get Valet. Now is this the people living this the people living this house? I don't I don't believe people actually live there. Do you so nobody this is I'm unsure. I just know it's like a castle that you perform that. There's a four month waiting list Form on really? Yeah Do you ever go to Harlem and freak black people out with street magic? I perform a bit in time square and like I just go perform when I get you. Should we get into it? What is your favorite?

No, sorry. Yeah, the look of that. She's like, can he please just do some adric matter? When we get into it, we'll get into it. Just try to look at the time. Oh, we, oh, we have to go. No, we, we should get started.

Oh, all right. We'll do it that way. Don't I like that. I like I like coming. I like coming to. Yeah, this is great. This is like a Mary come over. No, no, because I think we're ready to. I think we get to the same ways to talk to me and the share ways not to talk to me. No, I kind of like the idea that I come here and not do a single trick. They just ask me magical questions about me. Well, because look at the tricks. I love the tricks. We're going to get to them. But

there's a lot of stuff about magic that I don't know. I don't know magicians. I don't want to go online and go, hey, dude, you know, I, so I mean, to, to, you know, know that you guys are very similar to comedians. That's fucking interesting to me. I don't even, I, I, he kind of make it, but I, the, the, the, the, the, the comparison a little bit, but not, I, you're right. you're absolutely right. There's a lot of comics that you don't know that, you know, that are hilarious, holy shit talented, do tours in Michigan and, you know, aren't fucking millionaires right now. Yeah, but they make a living and they enjoy what they do, and it's better than 99% of the population. You live a house in Westchester that they have said family, you know, a pretty notable part. I mean no, no, we should be. Should be way more successful. They have way more than 134 fucking members on his fucking

praetriot channel. Patreon, Robocall, and all along. Sorry, they just stopped me your voice. So, uh, and then I'm fucking like a should we get on? I'll fucking get on with you. I think at least from a comedy and magic perspective, and I'm like, should we get on? I'll fucking get on with you. Oh, God. I think at least from a comedy and magic perspective, we're both trying to do a very similar thing,

which is give the audience a moment of relief. Well, I thought you were gonna say not have a real job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're both doing that. Yes. But yours, look, we can slack. We can write about your jokes that work and then kind of stay with them. And whatever, if we want to take a night off, we can just crew. You can slack. We can we can write about your jokes that work and then kind of stay with them and whatever if we want to take a night off

We can just crew you can't know how many you have to constantly do these tricks over and over again because if you fuck up We can hide our emotions. Oh my god You guys are gonna love it. It's gonna be a field I won't gonna love it. It's gonna be a feel to it. I won't. Oh, thanks. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. Don't fuck off. Thank you. If you ruin this for me, I swear to God, I'll break your pinky finger. Hey, that's fair. I love that. I don't think that. But if we just started snapping fingers, I go, are you trick now? Go. That's the entrance to the magic castle. It's just like we got a snap one of your fingers. Oh, you never have one of these shows where like you know you're on and you're nailing everything but the crowds stinks. Oh my god

It's the friggin worst thing ever. It's like I just shot a card. It's fun. I'm I'm not in my back and landed on my hand I'm always on I didn't even move and and like that's all I got I was gonna oh cool Cool people suck to do comedy for they must be the worst you magic for because cool people when they do comedy They go I guess it's funny whatever, but magic. They're like yeah cool. There's just some people who are too cool for school And they just they can't handle either just like appreciating something for the hard work It is they just need to be above everything. Oh, they are the worst the worst comedy too. I only imagine That was a guy this weekend I was like you're gonna have if you don't fucking loosen up,

I'm gonna make you go sit in the back. I'm not even joking, I'm like, I'm done with these people in the crowd who don't fucking come. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't even fucking anymore. I yelled at an old guy in Buffalo because he had his arms crossed and 50, I said something up front, I go, I had to cut the fucking angry football coach,

we're gonna have fun. I had to halfway through the show, I go, seriously, we're gonna Fun, I'm gonna go through the show go seriously stop fucking doing that I get the kid doing this whole show. Yeah, you called he goes no I go then I'm fucking wrap yourself Stop and put your hands down relax. We do the body language tour The bad jokes Doing Mike this computer stuff around are you ready? Yeah, There's computer stuff around. Are you ready? Yeah, I mean, I'd love to do something. Let's go.

I'm trying to understand. Take them off, yeah. Take those off. Now listen, let me understand where the camera is. The camera's right here. Yeah. That's your camera. Okay.

Now if you need me to move that back a little bit, I can. Right, Zach? Is there like a feed I can say? Just curious. I just want to see my framing. Okay, show them your framing. It's tits up. It's tits up. It's tits up

Yeah, I'll perfect look. It's me. Hey John So guys, so as we've been talking I guess we'll just get into the trick if you guys are already I gave all of you a blood disease Oh! I'm just gonna drop it for him. We just look down, we just come in our pants. I can't. No, no, no. Oh, no, but so in magic, basically, I tried to kind of touch upon this with comedy,

but we're trying to build on the same things, right? We're trying to create a moment for somebody. And I'm gonna do some things that create some moments. Is that it, right with you guys? I love moments. Yeah, I love moments. So instead of me bringing an envelope, because I left it on the train,

I made this beautiful one backstage So this is an envelope with a question mark. It looks exactly like my penis. Stance from mystery. And we're gonna, I mean, too bad I'm not in a good spot with lighting But we're gonna create a moment. Can you guys just like look up in there and can you see that there's something inside? Usually people look at me.

I can't see if you can get it. Can you just see there's just a little. Yeah, I see it now. Perfect. There's something inside. Basically this is the moment I want you guys to remember. Wait, something said? You could have flashed out. Oh yeah, yeah I see it now. Perfect, there's something inside. Basically this is the moment I want you guys to remember. Wait, was something said? You could have flashed out.

Oh yeah, if you could see it, perfect. Someone passed me a phone if anyone had a phone. I got one, I got one, I got one. Yeah, this is like the worst part of the trick, but basically this is perfect. This is kind of like a moment you guys can see up here. That there's something inside, right here. It's not really anything impressive.

But the whole idea is that there's something inside here and we're gonna get back to it. Now we're gonna create a moment, but I don't want you to forget that moment, okay? Where's my credit card magic? No, but the moment here is really simple. So you guys obviously know there's card tricks right? We're gonna do a a card trick, but not normal card trick. It's kind of it looks something like this I want all of you right now to imagine a Face up deck of cards with one face down card sticking out of it, right? So it's about halfway up. So imagine that. It's like you could see there's five,

six, seven, all different cards, kings, queens, and there's one card that's face down in the center. And we're going to create this moment together. Okay. And the most important thing is when we do things like this, people usually think of like an ace or a king. I don't want to make it an obvious card. But we're going to do this. So Gabby, since you brought me here. I'm gonna ask you a first question. Okay There are two different colors and I technically brought Ask Gabby ask Gabby no Gabby I'll start with you because it's the most irrelevant question Oh, well that's personal. Sorry, it was.

No, it was me and the Gabby. Oh, it was me and the Gabby. Oh my gosh, my brother. You can box that for us. Like, you're right there. We're really nice girls. No, no, no. Gabby, you're the Gabby.

Anyway, guys, so this, so we have two colors. Red and black. Go ahead and pick one color. In my mind, or out loud? Out loud. Either you can start in your mind and then bring it out loud, but that's how everything works. It's that simple.

No, no, no, no, it was a good question. Cool, thanks, guys. Black. Black. Perfect. Of course, uh, I'll move down. Out of the black suits, there are two suits. There's a spades and clubs. Go ahead and pick one of those. I don't want to lose my job and say black spades. So, I'm gonna say black clubs. Okay, okay, black clubs. That can be really. We're gonna pass this on to you now. So there are close before they're high Never gonna get through this okay, no, got black clubs. Oh, never gonna get through in this. Oh, okay. Okay, no, so black clubs. Okay, so we're gonna have enough time to be there. High cards, medium cards, and low cards.

Just pick one of those genres. High, medium or low. Low, low, perfect. Of course you pick low. So Robert, I already have one in my head. No, no, but we're gonna go for you for the last election. So low, so I'm gonna give you a range. It's a, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Yeah, yeah, pick one of those. Oh, so, so out of the range of low cards, yep. Yeah, out of the range. It's a. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Yeah. Pick one of those. So, out of the range of low cards, yep. I'll be right there. All right, I got it.

Say it. Yeah. Eight. Eight. All right, so we don't say it twice. So, wait. Now, I want to say seven. Okay, no, no, no.

It's really important that you lock your answer. Because in a moment, you're going to be like, damn. Eight. What if I would have picked seven? Eight. Okay, eight. So if we did this correctly, red black, we got black. Spades and clubs, we avoided the black splades. So we went to the clubs. Yeah. Okay, so black clubs, then we got low, and then from low, we got eight.

Eight. So the eight of clubs. Now, remember, I told you there was a moment where we created a face-up deck of cards with one card face-down. Yes. Before the show, I looked at what that card was, made a mental image, and I then wrote it down, and I put it on a prediction In the Zembeloprid here, but you did if written down on this prediction

Was the aid of clothes? I'm a walker. Yeah, but let's read it on on back on back. So guys, it's a horrible gag I tried to be a comedian for a second on back so on the back of this paper is written the aid of clothes Are you guys not gonna go crazy? Yeah. There's nothing you ask for. Not on back. Remember, so we're gonna make a moment of a deck. He just holds it out of his mouth. Now what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, here and you guys said eight of clubs yes yes so look here I can't really talk

why do this but look one card face down oh no no way could you please turn this over for us all show the camera Oh, and Jack! That's awesome! What if he had a little quade brother? I want you to talk to my dead sister, or the other side. Or you ask her where the letter is. Ask her where the letter is that she left me. What if he had a, what if he had a half a twin on his back like quade? Just shuffle it there.

Honestly, that would be like, that would be the best method ever. I would just be the guy who does magic tricks exclusively. That's my barrier. That's not. That's not unbelievable. That's not. That's unbelievable. Okay, wait a minute, let's think. I just don't want it. No, I don't think about how he did it.

I'm gonna say, okay, where do you? Our magic. Okay, so the real secret. It's our long life. I've been having Gabby all day telling you all these weird, like, little tidbits to try to make you guys pay for all these things, exactly. Is it really?

Yeah, Gabby's been conditioning you guys for weeks. This has been a very long play. The reason you wanted a magician, Gabby was like, I saw this magic thing. Oh, she's been conditioning, but look at that hair. Hey guys, welcome to the stage. Hey, oh, we're on but look at that hair. Hey guys, welcome to the show. We're broadcasting it next to 78. Patreon.

So listen. So listen to me. That's fucking crazy trick. All right. Crazy trick. Okay. Thank you. Oh, please.

I, it's a magic. I'm gonna start doing that. I'm gonna be like, I knew I had to break up with my girl. Thank you My shows like that. I'm gonna go thank you very much. I've been rubbing I get this one time. I want like this guys. Thank you so much. I start I go Breakfast club did I give us another trick. Give us another trick. More. There goes, oh, Jesus.

I mean, I've done all the back stuff, I know. Do you have any more? What'd you think? Wait, first of all, of course, of course. Well, you're going to do one trick and walk out? What do you want? I'm here to talk about your relationship. No, no, no, no.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Do whatever's taped to your catch. What do you think about Trump? All right, we're not going there. However, what I will say is, dreamers. You forum? I'm going to do that. Because right, we're not going there. However, what I will say is a dreamers form. Because anybody. Okay.

Scott. Is he running the ground? Go. Fuck that magic. No. Hard eating issues. What do we do about Syria? I mean, was it gas? Okay, so does anybody have a dollar bill? This will make sense later.

Come on, I'm on a show called Billio. I was, I won't sell you. I would use my dollars. I'm gonna use nothing. Oh yeah, that's why I great show by the single bill. Oh yeah, great show. Fuck him doing. I'm gonna save you.

Great show. I'm gonna save this, I'm gonna save this though. Alright, let me tell you. I know all about TV. I watch it. I, I, tell you. I know all about TV. I watch it. I, uh, I, uh, I went on a mattress on the floor and I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was putting with a cat and I, and I, and I know about, thank you for defending my job. It's a, I'm gonna say right now, beans is a great show.

Thank you. It's not a promise. It's not the wire. But it's no, no, beans is great show. Go ahead, sir. Uh, so what should we call it? You have a magic game. I love Tim Dylan, by the way.

John Stessel. John Stessel. Like John Stessel? No. Now long it took me to get Google to say, you didn't mean John Stessel. No, I've had to do it. That means John Stessel.

John Stessel. John, here you take your time. John Stessel, let me tell you, John, the reason I like to name John Stessel is, he was the reporter that got the shit slapped out of him for asking Dr. Death of wrestling was fake. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah. Because his wrestling fake and Dr. Death goes, pal, is that fake?

POW! And then you see John Stoffel going, no. A blood fight. No. No. Okay, that's good. Okay, here we go. This is simple. We just, I have a short thing. We must love us. Because we're so, oh, I literally, we're just gonna, every left. I could have left and you guys may have not.

I think you disappeared. I just want you to sign your dollar bill, just initial it. The reason why we're doing this is so that you know I can't tamper this. And also it was yours, but since so much stuff has happened, I don't want you to think that I switch it out later on. And then we're gonna give it away to a lucky fan

on Bobby's Patreon. Oh, that'll be fun. That'll be fun. So we're in the 20th of the dollar, so get a dollar. No, we're gonna do this. This will be fun. Actually wait here.

Did I love the fact? Okay. No, go ahead. No, but where you are really doing to John, what radio morning zoos do to us? Yeah, tell it to me. What's a bit you got about your girlfriend? It's totally different. I mean, you, last time I was in here, she spoke weed.

What's it like growing up in Colorado with a single bottle? That's got to be pretty good. That's it. That's our pain, single bottom that's got to be pretty good That's our pain I'm paying attention. I'm watching everything Would you guys like to see before I do a trick and learn what cardistry is Too fucking hyped up. I want to learn what Cartistry is I want to know how to start it's it's it's it's what you name again. I also John's You're gonna settle down. I realize that but I've also realized that Gabby has a magician fetish

No, she doesn't I do know hot and bother She's into it because you see I'm the one who made her get the magician and she went and found John She's into it because you see I'm the one who made her get the magician and she went and found John Stasel And now he's here. She does not have a fetish shirt mixing. Can you separate just the little Radio you guys are leaning into each other. All right. All right. Hang on John What's up? What is what did you call it card? Cardistry cardistry. Yeah, I don't know. I didn't know it's called cardistry. No, no, so there's magic Which is what you guys just saw me perform a magic trick or a piece of magic.

Right now, I'm going to perform like a sub-genre of magic. It's this thing called cardistry. Right. So it starts off to kind of give you a small explanation. Like imagine a point in time, you guys know how a deck of cards works, right? Like how somebody cuts a deck of cards. There's a point in time when people assume you couldn't cut a deck of cards in one hand, right? Because why on earth should you be able to do this in one hand? It doesn't seem like there's enough space. And then somebody realized that if you get rid of your thumb,

you can actually accomplish a one handed cut. It's pretty cool. Which is pretty cool, right? And then people. And you can finger blast like a mother fucker. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying. I'm not done. This is the hand that you thought I was inside.

That was the same. Oh, Lord. And the wet dog noise. What's that? That's getting finger fucked by a magician. Is that a basset hound in the corner, drinking water? Where's it my left hand? Oh, Lord. I got it.

No, no, no, no, no. So I'm a card astute. Then people realize you could do a cut with one hand. Yes. So then people realize you could do that in both hands. Oh. Different ways. If you can do it in one hand, you can do it in both hands.

Yeah, and then people realize that if you can do two packets, you should be able to find a way to do three. And this kind of broke the mold of magic. This was these things called card flourishes that magicians would do in the middle of their sets, kind of like if you were to do a small, almost like a throwaway joke, just for fun to kind of move the table wrong.

Nice shirt fuck face. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Is that your wife or a fucking dog you can't? That's the right, that's the problem. That is Bobby's club act. I've seen it several times. You like fat guys? Jimmy to ass. So kind of like those jokes that you're just demonstrating. More aggressive stages. Yeah, but not on a card.

But you need to go to John Stessel. John Stessel. Because apparently that's my new thing, I liked it. Usually my favorite things waving actually. Like I don't know what's the real funny. It's John Stessel. I know. Like who's that, John?

Pus don't upset someone. Oh, card of streak. But anyway, so magic have these things called card flourishes where you would do something to showcase a unique skill. did again do it again. Oh, he was so basically Now if it's really hot out we don't have a fan. What would you do? And then you please no, no, no, actually what I really would do would be this Still call it almost bad. No, yeah, that was good though. Let's do it again. Wow. Oh, thank you Oh

This is all just the idea that the artistry is now like its own thing So basically they used to be things in magic now. They're like a group of people worldwide who they don't do magic tricks They just shuffle cards now they district you guys not like them are they? Well, no, so I considered, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm both. So I, I would consider myself a cardist and a magician because I practice both things, right? So like, uh, and normally at the end of my, uh, like routine that I was doing there, to demonstrate it, I would kind of say something to the effective. And then after, you know, they learned how to do the three packets, they started adding

their hands together, right? So that you could, oops, my drop, but you might start getting more packets and then cards would start flying from hand to hand. Whoa. They both dance between the fingers. You're like awesome. You're like gambit.

You're just like that. You're gambit on the ass. But when you got really good, the cards would start to dance themselves. Wow. Sweet, cardiast. Exactly. So that's what cardistry is. And then when you got really good the cards will start to dance themselves Sweet cardies Exactly so that's what cardistry is. It's basically the idea. Yeah, manipulating playing cards So that it's kind of like juggling but you have 52 options instead of four. I hate jugglers

Well, I hope you don't hate me too much. No, I like you your cardistry Cardistry I just like now that everything I say is associated with a bow and I Have to be your third. My thing is actually waving sadly, that's like my thing on Instagram. Let me see it. What do you do? How do you wave?

I'll demonstrate right now live Instagram video from John. I like that. I like that. I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna get it. It's either that or this. I'm gonna take a sip of coffee and I'm gonna show's on today YKW dude. Hashtag wait.

I'm just gonna have to say hashtag wave gang. Hashtag. You just have to say hashtag wave gang. Hashtag. All right, I'm in. I'm a hash. Wave gang. You're like, hey, baby. Wave gang. I even have this clip that somebody made for me.

I ripped two thirty seven more. Yes, Buster's wave gang. Wave gang. Wave gang. No, you this weekend I'm in Syracuse. Funny bone. Wave gang. Catch me a moon tower comedy festival next week with the ball fire.

And that's all you need. Wave down, you know, six and a half inch. Whoa. If you stretch my balls back with rope. Oh, go ahead. Enjoying your titty buck. I can, I can. I'm going to play with it.

All right, go ahead. What do you got? Well, no, I mean, I have to do another, do you have another? Oh, true. So we learned about, we learned the first trick was amazing. Now we had cardistry.

Yeah, which is the order, basically, if you want to make it simple, it's like manipulating playing cards or juggling with playing cards. Now can I ask you a question? Go for it. Can you do, can you, you must be able to cheat or play poker

and fucking really, if you wanted to take people If I was playing in like a friendly setting at like a friend's poker game Right and to this day they don't let me deal but if I wanted to yes, I could cheat people out of money You could yeah, it's so awesome Yeah, just because the techniques that you learn doing it on the old west should be fucking doc holiday Oh, yeah, and then I began be getting shot. And I was so many coffee I'd be doing. And alcohol could tuberculosis? I have the lunga.

I have two guns, one for the each of you. Oh, clearly a magician. Why? You're not wearing a bus or how-lood. Well, why are you on oak? You're no, you bus or how loood. Well why are you on Oak? You're no, you're no daisy, you're no daisy. And you're talking to the says that they steal people's money. Oh, you're talking about the lung of your sweet joke.

I'm like, oh, you got me, I'm gonna watch Tombstone tonight after the Andre moment. I'm not, I'm gonna call you and just have you do those lines. So, in part of the movie I like What two stones great shut up shut up. It's got fucking Sam Elliott and why it hurt. I mean Got a move to hope shut up it stinks. I think you're wrong about that. What What I love it We give him so much time to fucking do stuff. I could do it. I know I'm just like hiding cards in his arm. I

Check your pockets. I think your magic's incredible. I think your opinion of toots I disagree I Disagree I do too, and you know what? Yeah wave gang You're not the first person that's made that joke. I would say I get DM that joke like. You just got your way back. Yeah. I guess I'll get good one.

Japanese through the girl. I'm going to do that. Yeah, my- My- Just got you a way back. Oh shit. Oh my gosh. Ah!

Way back is my thing. Hi. We know I'm doing that all week. Hey guys. I'm sorry. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, staring at the barrel of a camera of a fucking like a useless background reactor. Why am I staring at the camera? Go ahead. Do you stupidize me? Maybe. Beautiful eyes. Like fucking Emerald. The green of blue. Talk to me. You're gypsy eyes. Yeah, you are. You're gypsy. I'm not. Are you sure? Not sure. Okay, go ahead. Do you guys like to see one more thing? I would love to see one more. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, I love that.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Where are you gonna be this weekend? Oh yeah. I'm a bit standing in the comedy cell. Well, whatever. And then I'll be, we're coming up with a provenance comedy connection. Yeah, I want to perform in the comedy cell.

I bet it would be awesome. Hey, do you want to do the comedy cell of Vegas? Yes, more than anything. Hey, before the shows. That would be like the best thing of it. And then you go up, yeah, maybe, all right. I'll see if I can do that. Let's figure that out because that would be like a dream. That would be bad. Hey, you work.

The coolest thing. You work in Vegas at all. I mean, I have. Okay. I've done gigs out there. So we could we could talk. It sounds like fun. Where are you at, Dan? Uh, I'm going to be at the comic connection. Providence Rhode Island. Great club. One of the great and chickpea. It was called the Kaba comedy club now. It's called Loft. And then comedy mix and Vancouver.

Comedy mix of Vancouver is the shit. Is it? It's the shit. It's one of my top five clubs in the country. Vegas, I mean, Vancouver's one of my favorite places in the world to be. It's great. So I'll be at the comedy mix at the end of April

beginning of May. And then I'll be at the Helium in Portland end of April, we're getting a May and then I'll be at the helium in Portland. I'm gonna go through the whole fucking year. I'm just going to dance soda dot com and look at the gorgeous pitches except for that one. I don't like that one. That's a good one. I don't like that one.

I don't like that one. Scroll up. I'm just being honest with you. I think this one's my favorite. Ready? Right? That's great. Watch this. Look at those eyes Thanks dude. Let me then throw one more one more like the guy for that look at that I'm not a kid I would guy was like this

I'm right I think they're chair sweaty. I really do I think I think the apostles saw the same thing when Jesus came back three days later. Oh, the same look on their face And then they said yeah, so as Jesus To you kill them. Oh Magic hacks about that magicians Thank you Michael. Oh Okay, so they go for it. Thank you for me. Yeah, I'm track. I get go off track perfect perfect. We'll do this I get to do plugs guys. This is a fucking cool. I don't even seven minutes. I want to see

I did the plugs I know that so let's not fucking Let's not take the wizard from out of the fucking curtain There's only one wizard in the room right now. And his name is John Stuss. Hi. Yeah, this is perfect. I'm going to do this in my next video. Hi. Hi.

Hi. All right, guys, we'll do two things. They'll be quick. But let's just keep it a theme. So I'm going to reflect my wife's cards whenever you want. Say stop. OK, stop. Perfect.

Take your card. And you could do the same as well when you two. Mike said, Mike said, good, stop. Perfect. Take your card. You could do the same as well when you two. Oh, Mike's in, Mike's in. Good, Mike. Perfect, take your card. Said stop. Guys, remember them? Fuck it, Mexican.

And now you get to help us as well, okay? Just mind you, me a favor. Just cut the cards anywhere. Cut the cards. Yeah, just cut the cards. And we'll use, we're gonna use your dollar to help us with this. And the marker you've cut,

this will be important in a moment. Now, there's something that's really important. One, we, beforehand, because we kind of lost track, but we borrowed your dollar and you autographed it, because it's yours. And then what I just did was I had you to take any two cards out. That was fair, right? I don't know what you guys have.

Could you guys flip them over or show them to your camera, so everybody knows? I can see them out this point. We have a six of clubs and a, okay, so a black six and a black eight. Now, that doesn't seem too impressive, but. You have data, though. You cut. I'm gonna keep going.

I'm gonna keep going, I'm gonna tell my friend this. Joe, this isn't here, so I have to fill the blue. Okay, wait a minute. Hi, that's home number, hi. Anyway, so we have a black six and a black eight. You cut the cards anywhere and we put your dollar bill where you cut. Correct. So let's take a look where you've cut.

You cut between two cards, that's one, that's two. That should be the matching two blacks, the black eight, and the black six. Whoa, what the fuck? That's crazy. And you did, you just want to do that. You're so long, I see a land down there. That's so nuts.

Father, forgive me for I've sinned. I have been in trouble. I've been in the end of the day. I know, before you leave, let's do one more for you to go. You go to hell. No, no, I think it'll be a little better. So take your dollar bill and the whole bond is. Keep this in your hand.

It's OK. Janet's OK. I'm not going to hurt Janet's OK. Oh, my God. Hi. Robert, anywhere you'd like, say stop. Just say stop anywhere. Stop.

Perfect. Take a look at that. I can say it as well. It doesn't matter what the card is. So the King of Clubs, we're going to kind of try to replicate what we just did again. Yes. OK, hold on to that bill between your hands.

OK, it's important. So guys, watch closely. I'm going to make a receipt of the King. You're going to hear this. Well, hopefully the Michael picked this up. We'll rip off a corner. Show that off. Here, show that off. Here, watch the corner.

So the last time the dollar bill found the cards, right? So we're going to try to do that again. Would you mind blowing on the corner? Watch, watch, everybody look. The corner is going to disappear. And if I told you, in between your hands, in the middle of the bill, the corner appeared. You lose your fucking mind, right?

Not going to feel good about that. What I want you to do, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, through an envelope. A moment that we're going to recreate right now for everybody. If you guys actually wouldn't mind passing me a cell phone because if we flashlight be perfect flash it at me. Powering the fuck! Because if you look, if you look right here in the fibers of this bill, there's going to be, if you guys can see this... Oh Oh He's got That's crazy Between his side bill and you know, I mean we could leave it here forever like this Or should we rip it open and get it out?

Open and get it out. So look if we rip this open you can see that inside this is not on the outside This is not glued or taped. This is like a watermark if we rip this open and the fibers of this bill And sure enough if we match this up this will be a perfect match to it Guys I'm John Stessel. Thank you so much for having me So much It's Bill so he gets to keep this oh my god. This is George this is the devil On the patreon Brennan's at Brandon Sagalow dot com. Yeah, go to my website April 19th I'm at the Atlantic City comedy club and then April 20th at the B.U. Theater in Connecticut with Edgar, uh, Shulieger and then, um, you know, oh come to my Caroline's, then I'm headlighting Caroline's May 8th at 730. So please come to that.

Dude, that's awesome. Okay, uh, make sure to bring me on one of their tours. Please come on. You guys need a magician. I might hit you up to open for me. I do magic not miracles. I will not be fixing the headphones. Fix my favorite marriage. Fat headed fucking asshole. I love one person to get mad at you destroying currency. Like, you know that's, you know, I mean, if you got,

if anybody smart, the thing we're gonna do is make a clickbait video that says magician, default, American government, all of me. So I love that. All right, that's a good idea. Go to my website, robacadolive.com. the American government. I love that. I love that. I know. That's good. Go to my website, Robert Kelleylive.com. I am at Syracuse this weekend.

I'm at Cobb's next weekend. I got the fat black, April 29th, bananas comedy club in Jersey, treehouse, Charlie Goodenah. So many shows coming up. So make sure that you get your tickets at my website, Robert Kelleylive.com. It couldn't be easier. My patreon.com slash Robert Kelly is my channel. You guys are loving all the content I'm putting up there. I got a one on one with Joe list that I did. I got another one on one with Aaron put them that I put up there. Both very interesting and hilarious

and fun. This is going to be up on the Patreon for my channel users only. And then of course, I think a week and a half, we get the Matt Sarah live from the shed. You'll be seeing those promos coming up very soon. Gabby, what do you have? Follow me on Instagram. I just started a new podcast with Katie Hanigan. It's called A Pod Calyps.

A Pod Calyps, which is very clever. Yeah, a little A Pod Calyps themed podcast. And then I have some shows coming up in Brooklyn and on the Jersey Shore. And Mike, what do you got? Uh, uh, we're gonna take a photo real quick. I love you, Robbie. Let me take a photo real quick. Do the wave. Not with you. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, it. I just get over there. Yeah, I'm running. Yeah, we got it. Oh, gab. Sorry. There you go. Um, we got that. I'll be at the, uh, the love. Love you everybody.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Catch the bonfire. Seriously, Sam. Um, I'll be atfayette Loud next month with opening for Big Jogerson. I'll be headlining the improv for the whole week in August and San Antonio. I will also be at the haunted mansion. I want to say something about what's your name? Brandon, Justin Brandon. What do you, I love you, kid? No, dude, your Instagram is one of the silliest, funniest

Instagrams. You did one. I love Instagrams. You did the TV. Oh, the growing pains. Pain so much. Why did that make me, I watched the whole fucking thing twice. It's so funny.

I get that song stuck. And then we go to your mother. This is his mother, first of all. Is that just for- That's my mom. No, no, no, it's a video of her. This is her video of you. I have to say something nice. When Brennan was younger, we would lock Brendan in the basement. And he would cry, and he would cry, and we would laugh, and we would laugh, and we would laugh.

And that's why he is the way he is today. She's a great actor, right? I just don't know what's funny of the man. I listened to that. I did almost cry. Oh, look at that. Fuck yo, you have got to donate the blinds. I please was to click on the one one that boy is to get fucking gym. Live like Joe list mouth there. Look how tiny my mouth is. How many fuck this to be my iPhone background? How many older golf guys did you blow? Yeah, it was like a manager of Hot Topic.

Used to go suck guys off in Hot Topics. Which is in the fart machine. Do you guys have any manic panic? Oh, I'm not. Hey, do you guys have a leather bracelet? Yeah. You guys have any Rick and Morty t-shirts? Oh, oh, oh.

Do you have a necklace for a little girl that I can wear? What else you got? You want to, if you go down to the growing pains. Oh, yeah, it's that one right there. Wasting life? Yeah. This is so funny. Show me that smile.

You know that we should, that smile. You know that I'm living on your feet. Oh, you have to go down a little bit. Oh, no. You know that we're the best to say. Oh You have to go down a little bit. Oh, no I scroll up a little bit to here. Yeah, it's a good thing. I started running out of people that I look like Standing Timberlake who's that he's from like like Pete and Pete and like uh

Where'd you fire fire? Boater There was a guy who played Boater on growing pains. He's dead now by the the way, but he is Walter King's son. Yeah, really? Yeah, that's what I said. Very funny. Very funny. Yeah, very funny story. There's only there's a couple of people that I think have funny stories more than a couple. You know how this is a very funny story. Kyle Dunnigan. Bring up Kyle Dunnigan's. I was laughing at Kyle Dunnigan. Didn't I say this last week? Yeah, we didn't get a chance. We got very distracted last week. Yeah, very distracted.

Kyle, please scroll down. I want you to scroll down. I'll show you which one. Keep going, keep going, keep going. Right there to the one of the right with the lady in the background. This, no, over there, right. The right, that's the left.

What's the lady in the background? Right there, the lady in the background. See that thing? No, oh, sorry, there's two ladies. That one. Yeah, click on it, make it, yeah, go up, scroll up. So you see the whole thing. Mom, guess what?

What? Chicken butt. Chicken butt. What's chicken butt? That's what you're supposed to guess. Mom, guess what? Mom, mom, guess what? Mom, guess what mom mom guess what Mom what chickenam, guess what I? Ma'am, ma'am, guess what?

Ma'am, guess what? Chicken butt! Yay! That's so funny! Oh, chicken butt! Oh, chicken butt! Do you know the commitment? You know, just in the commitment to a fucking maniac you have to have to piss your mom off that bad.

That's the best. Oh God, he makes me laugh. Very funny. Then he does his other fucking scroll down. No, scroll up, scroll up. He does know that one to the right with the down, down one, right there. He does, I don't know how they do this. Oh yeah, how does he do this? I don't know. Hey girls, you excited to see 50 change tonight Sorry, but if mr. Gray starts spanking that terrible actress, I'm afraid the juice will be loose

I'm gonna lose baby. I'm gonna lose. Of course he goes, call me Mrs. Gray. My hot pocket starts to steam up like that. You caught on. What? What am I supposed to call it? My sausage wallet? You just fly trap?

Spide trap. Lamb jam baby. Oh my god. He perns. He's going to hippo with how am I supposed to cut it? You're gonna be shining, you're gonna be shining You're gonna be shining, you're gonna be shining Yeah, maybe I'm shining

Looks so gross I can go up Guys are drying up my banana baskets That is so funny man He's so good Cracks me the fuck up That's so good man. He's so good. Cracks me the fuck up. That's so good man. So funny. I love this show. It's a lot of fun. I knew it was going to be a lot of fun.

I want to thank everybody listening. Again, I want to thank all the people that came out this weekend to all the Michigan shows and all the stuff he gave me. Really, really cool stuff. And I want to thank all the fans and my crew here for putting all this shit together. Again, great show. You guys are the best fans in the world. We'll see you next week on You Know What The... ¡Te voy a escuchar! ¡Nunca de tu chile de trabajo! ¡Chile de trabajo! ¡Chile de trabajo! ¡Chile de trabajo! Checkoutryocast.com

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