Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - We Stink…All Eight of Us

Episode Date: June 18, 2012

It's a full house at YKWD studios as Joe List, Nate Bargatze, Mike Vecchione, Christian Polanco and Joe Murphy sit in. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un duvena que de Maú, a Madrid. You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network.

Riotcast.com What's up Robert Kelly fans you haven't heard Robert until you've had a chance to see him live. Check him out this summer June 21st through the 23rd at the Comedy Club in Webs through New York. And June 28th through 30th at comics at Foxwoods Hotel in Casino in Connecticut. Go to robberkillielive.com for tickets information and your chance to see the one I only doodlives. Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton, this is Dennis Liri.

This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Cricer. Staying cooking, you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude? You know what dude? This is Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude? Come with you, now I do! You know what I mean?

And the world is cool. Now I'm off. I think that's good, right? No, you're off key. You're off? You're good, right? I don't know. Can you even hear me? I can't hear myself. You can't hear you? Check.

I don't think so. Turn his what? No, I can hear everyone else. I can hear you. I can hear you fine. All right. You're all right? I adjusted to turn it down. Joey hear you. Yeah, I can hear you fine. All right. Yeah, Terry, are you all right? I adjusted to turn it down. Joe, are you all right?

Talk again. Yeah, yeah, I can, yeah. We're good. Are you okay? I'm good. I've never felt better in my whole life. Do you want to hear yourself more? No, I'm good.

I'm not even talking to this one. Your headphones are right there. Do you want to talk to me? Yeah, yeah, you fucking son. I turned my, I understand. I'm saying I'm hearing everyone else. Can you hear yourself? I can now.

All right. Jesus Christ. Well, you used to do panic. Turn my I understand I'm saying I'm hearing everyone I can hear yourself. I can now Jesus Christ Well, you used to panic. I mean you just give this beer. I have panic disorder. We turn the AC off or still on right? Okay Okay, let's take our pants off Well cool down No, Irish trick Yeah, you want a cord to plug the end. Yeah, it's right behind you the cord the internet cord. It's you know where it is. It's right there. Sweetie. Yep.

What are you doing? What is that? No, no, no, no, he's fine. Yeah, those mics on is I want the mic off that because these are sure 58s. That's a blue. Okay, it's a. Yeah. Anyways, we, uh, welcome to that we've been recording for a fucking while now. So we, yeah, we did get you juggling. I can't hear myself. I don't know what I'm done. We're, we're done. You are, you are fucking California kid. I can't wait to, I can't wait to get your phone call. Nice fucking sucks out here. Fucking people blow. You guys, you guys have been exchanged numbers, then.

Well, yeah. We have a, we have a number. We have a, welcome to the You Know What Dude podcast. Episode. We have, this is the fucking, this is the most packed show ever. This is, yeah. This is really packed. I got the wrong. I got the wrong. This is really packed. This is, yeah.

I got the room so big. It's diverse. Hang on. Oh, is that a fucking zinger? I thought we were just trying to. It's warm enough. I was warm enough to punch it up. No, you are.

It's warm enough. It's warm enough. No, you are. It's warm enough. It's warm enough. It's warm enough. It's warm enough. It's warm enough. It's warm enough. It's warm enough.

It's warm enough. It's warm enough. It's warm enough. It's warm enough. It's warm enough. It's warm enough. It's warm enough. show today. He was on last comic standing and that's it. No, he was nothing I've got them live agatha. No, you did tonight show too. One of the funniest God damn it. One of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. Mike Vecchione enjoying himself thoroughly on the tonight show. He smiled at every joke before he said the punchline. right? Like he knew it was coming. Right. And then he's...

He's... Then he smiled at the end of it going, yeah, that was a go on. He did... Mr. Roper at the end of it. Yeah, yeah, like that one. I like that one too, folks. We have Fat Kelly. Yeah. Kelly. Oh, hi. I haven't seen you forever.

Who's not? Hi, sweetie. And she's actually wearing some makeup today. She's't seen you forever. Who's not? Hi, sweetie. And she's actually wearing some makeup today. She's dull or self-hook. She looks good, right? Yeah. Kelly's a pretty girl when she wants to be.

Yeah, she looks like right now. The way she's dressed, she looks like a mom that planned on going out tonight and then got suckered in this thing over the sick kid. Like, she was like, oh, we're going to dinner and everything. And it's like, Billy's got diarrhea. I'm staying in single mom. Single mom. Yeah, she doesn't have a guy. Yeah, the sitter canceled.

Yeah, he fucked somebody else and left years ago. I look that old. And you're not that old, but you're an old, you're old. You're old, bro. You're old. You definitely have, I have a kid face. I'm sorry. I don't know what that means.

That's pronounced buddy. There's pronounced body. There's the truth. Oh, the truth. Yeah, we got it. We got Joe Lista. Just stop by. What's supposed to be on the show today?

The truth is, he's the worst. He's the worst. He really did. Oh, you guys are going to do the podcast, maybe I'll just hang around. This is what I knew was going to happen. Fuck that. No, I'm having a fucking going away dinner with my friend Nate

Dinner and I do it. I have to know lunch dinner breakfast. It's all the same Only the name will change can we let the audience though that I'm holding my mic like a dick It's heavy to my arm hurts. He must he must have this way on this podcast like a female comic Would be even better if he brought his own mic. Hey, you guys want to plug me in? I went out to lunch and Kelly, I can't even think of her name. Kelly texted me, Bobby says you have to come upstairs. And then it's a fucking bear trap and now I'm the fucking dude that just showed up.

You knew what this was. I know, that's why I was happy to walk home and check the car. Listen, we did. I am pleasure to have you. The truth come on. I was happy to walk home and We did any I am pleasure to have you the truth come on I'm happy to be here and then we have we have of course Dan soda so dad back in soda aka monster voice a.k Fucking god damn neutral douche that he is Swedish runs in the blood Well, there's new haircut that's actually becoming his old haircut. Fan Dan.

I have a big fan of the show about it. I love that you get fat. Alan? Oh, no. At this point, he's remaining fat. You're feeling out, baby, don't you? Oh, yeah, you're becoming season three of a fucking hit sitcom.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, season one, the guy's always in shape. Season three, after he's got the fuck you money, he knows he's gonna go seven seasons, and you got fat on the little winter break in between shoots. Maybe I have a rabbit on them.

No, they're not in the money. You don't have to sit, come rather money. No, no. So you're just getting fat. They just got real. And you're not. And now the date's moving. He just wants to bump everyone out. Yeah, speaking of, we got Nate, just getting fat. Now it's just, and you're not. And now it's, and you're not. The other date's moving.

He just wants to bump everyone out. Speaking of, we got Nate Berghetz. It's Nipa. The Sniper. Yeah. He's on. You're actually, you're taking off. Yeah, but I'm not leaving.

There's a, we're having our baby in Tennessee. And do you have to have it in Tennessee? Is that the rules for Christians? Not Christians, because I don't need it. I don't want her born here. I'd say it as a joke, but I said I don't want her born here because I don't want her thinking she's better than me later. So So you just Shit down. I'm moving to November. So I'll be back here September and October and then I'm then November But you know what it what you don't get to come back. I don't think they got it

We're going to have the baby then we come back and we have to come back here You know you can't come back. You can't have a party until then that you've had all these parties You can't have a party front of all these parties. We had the rose But I when I have a kid I'm not gonna come back and like really drink and like go crazy There's like another person I have to look out. Yeah, but you can't come back once you go you have to go for a year I'm not going there yet. I'm going to Tennessee to have a kid. Because I don't want to have the child born

in this filth y'all call a city. I take a fact that I'm gonna go down and have the baby in God's hands. Why is God at Tennessee is not God country? Oh, yes, it's way more than here. Are you from Tennessee? Yes. It's not God, it's not got it's fucking it's it's The south you guys have done it is correct

Teacher Bobby come in with a fact The middle really I mean, I know I wasn't invited, but hold on. I got a lot of books, bro. They're always going to come back to that point. You're never going to go in the poor shit. No, it's not. It's poor for you. It's a trap.

What I'm saying is that Tennessee is no better than New York City. I think we're actually a better, New York City is more liberal and cultured and freer than Tennessee. Why, I'm leaving because of those two things. You don't like cultured? Are liberal in our culturedness. You don't like cultured?

You don't like cultured. This is a man that's served by Applebee's. Nate Kentstant. Well, Kentstant Tolerant. Christian Kelly and Joe, I'll have to leave just to go on. man that serves by Applebee's. Nate Kent stand, well Kent stand tolerance. Yeah, Christian, Christian Kelly and Joe all have to leave just to go on. Yeah, it's so funny how the room is divided into what Nate likes and what doesn't. Yeah, it's like, oh good white guy. It's like everything else.

We, yeah, we have a gay guy, a black guy, and a woman, a foreigner, a black guy and a woman. A foreigner. A foreigner. Yeah. Gay Joe. Besson. I mean, look, I like Tennessee. I think it's a nice place.

No, it's great. But it's not the best place in the fucking world. And you've done some fucked up shit down. Yeah. Look, I'm just saying, no, the whole point, I don't have the baby down there. What do you want from me? I don't know. I just want to know why you wouldn't have,

I think having a baby, I can tell you the real, realistically, there was part of me that wants to have a kid, the birth certificate, say Tennessee. So that's for real. But the majority reason is no one lives here. Our whole family lives down there, herf parents, everybody. So it would be a nightmare to make everybody come up here.

Right, because you're not gonna be here anyways. You have no roots here. Yeah to make everybody come up here. Right. And you're not going to be here anyways. You have no roots here. Yeah, I have no roots here. And like, so I can go work on the, we're going to go down there. Show half-help. I'll be able to go on the road. Like, and I'll go back on the road in August. Right.

I'll be able to. And then you're moving out way. And then I'll come back here moving out way. Here's the thing. No one can know that though, because her work doesn't know we're leaving here. So. Well, you know, I'm guessing the giant human in her stomach is a little heads up that she's working for a while.

I heard that they're actually not giants. They're pretty small. Usually around 6 to 8 pounds. Jesus, man. Your head is giant because it's 6 to 8 pounds. I don't know because I wasn't invited. That's what. I don't know because I wasn't invited Joe's on fire and he's not even supposed to be here

Yeah, that's why he wanted to come today. He just knew he had it today. He woke up. I got it I didn't want to cut I had played we're supposed to go to the next on the other west side shut your face, Joe All right, we'll glad you're here. Thanks, but so so then you move and so this podcast. I don't have to edit this out What if somebody here? No, no, no. Well first of all, I'm shocked if anybody hears it and true that I'll be surprised though like her her works not her you know what I mean? So it's just her work after like be careful in my post and anything because We just don't want you know She's gonna go back and work in October I didn't really you had a well roast on Facebook. Yeah, yeah, but I think it's just very

Confusing and like everybody's I'm really getting annoyed at Kelly's shoulder Just you I'm gonna fuck you to teach you a lesson I'm sorry that was such a fucking porn line. I'm gonna give you to teach you a lesson. It was on your side. I'm sorry, did that it? That was such a fucking porn line. I'm gonna give you this dick as a lesson. We, uh, ha ha ha. Can we get a wider black guy in here?

Yeah, that's pretty what. George Gordon. He's, he's Apple commercial fucking white. He's got cash, he says cash is clay. That's like before. That's like before that's like I was like a white We know white people called Muhammad Ali cash is clay. Well, we know you're trying to Name I know but then he went to Muhammad Ali that was his name before he was a fucking

Slave name apparently. Yeah. So it's the way Nate prefers it. That he was very white. So can I just say that that's government name. Really fucking cool slave name. Yeah. That's just clever. That's a great slave name.

He was a really good slave. That was a really nice slave master to say, call him clashes clay. Rhymes. He probably said thank you. That's very nice. And I forgot to mention you and you're here. I am here. I just belong. Is he a great dude? Do you know him? You know, we go back really in the 70s and the 70s. Where that mocks from. We, I didn't know everybody

knew you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah knew you. Yeah, yeah. For all the time. Yeah, yeah. Basketball. Christian has a great podcast. Well, he's here. You guys should all get on it. We, he has a great podcast.

I do. What's your podcast? What's your podcast? It's called offstage. I just talked to comics about how they deal with relationships. Relationships of people. Regular pill with lamps. How do regular pill with lamps How do you deal with lamps first of all don't do it fucking Joe list He did it to me so I got to do it deal, but he does it better. I know he does you do it angry, okay now with fucking

Joe just with quickly know with lamps He'll usually go no usually that's with people He'll usually go, no, usually that's with people. He doesn't do the eyebrow thing. You know. A Jail's eyebrow can't move because his forehead's so tight. He's a tight burnt out forehead. Is it going to rip at any moment? Yeah.

It's just a captain of a boat. At least my forehead ends. Yeah. Oh, wow. What am I eyebrows doing when I did that? Nothing. At least my forehead ends. What my eyebrows doing when I did that? So, uh, Blackie. Oh, Christian will do. Christian will do. I'm trying to give you a nickname.

I just got thrown these out. Sometimes they stick out sometimes they stick out sometimes they stick out. It's a get first attempt. Yeah, we have fat Kelly's mountain of voice, we get the sniper, we get the truth, and then we get like it. I feel like I always have to correct people because I'm not black, I'm Dominican.

You are? I'm Dominican. It's the same thing. I'm saying it's all we've been saying. Yeah, that's just a dark report of Reagan. There's no Dominican crayon. I've been looking for years. There's no Dominican crayon. I've been looking for years. Where's the Rosa?

There's a Vietnamese crayon. I use it to call it the sun. Alright, take it easy. Yellow, nothing. To the stress. Just to see if you should have pulled the remote. So you're here, you're going to do tech talk with us. And we have gay Jo's with us taking photos Fucking apparently he's macho Joe today. I was expecting a head He's the straightest guy guy you live in mate. I know he stopped sitting like you're fucking getting double penetration

Archie her back Sorry put the shoulder up and stop arching your back when you sit. So you're here today, you're gonna do tech talk. Do you get some tech talk stuff? I do, I got a few things. All right, good, because he's an IT guy, did you know that? Did you guys know that?

No, I thought he was a comedian. Yeah. I thought he was a basketball player. Yeah, I got it. We play Hope Together, that wasn't a race thing, so. Yeah. I've been schooling. I've been schooling Joe for. Yeah. I've been schooling Joe for the basketball. I've been schooling Joe and Nate for like two years.

Basketball or I think both. And both, really. Yeah. I used to play basketball when I was young. How old are you guys? I just turned 30. How old are you? How old are you?

29. I used to play basketball in my 30s. You're out of my 30s. You're out of your 30s? Yeah. Yeah, we used to play basketball Me. See this podcast to land.

You know. There is. I used to play basketball Me and Dane Cook. When I lived in other, we played basketball all the time with Nick Swarzen Nick Swarzen's got fucking crazy game really no joke Can fucking play ball like no joke. He's one of the best ball players and back in the day me Keith Patrice already all of us uh... norm would come we

actually go to pompoms and it was sitting watch the games we used to go after our sets at the seller we'd all go down even boss and Lewis shayf i don't know if you know him we'd all go down to the projects over here on twenty something street at around twelve o'clock at night and we play hoops uh... with just us and godfrey and charade i remember charade. I remember charade. One night took Matt Frost, you know Matt Frost and threw him like on the pavement some fucking crazy shit and we used to have Norton with pom-poms and he'd watch the games because he couldn't play. Louis Shavry used to play in a suit with shoes and jigs. Yeah, we used to play some fucking crazy hoops man.

Crazy fucking. What was the name of your team? Oh, we didn't have names. We were the fucking comic strip versus, I don't know. The road middles. How come you didn't ask Mike how old he was? The what? You didn't ask Mike how old he was.

Because everybody else didn't ask him. He said, I don't care about Mike. No, how old are you Mike? 39. Wow. Because it's embarrassing game is that it touches. I don't care about Mike. Um, no, um, how old are you Mike? 39. Wow, because it's embarrassing. Yeah, because he's been embarrassed. Well, he's, you know, that's great. Well, you're actually my age. You've been around as long as I have been around. Well, not in comedy career, but not in comedy career. Yeah, I mean, you've been around. Like why I said, been around. You've been around, uh, for a while. Yeah, you've been around. For you just kind of hit like last year, 2010, two thousand years, almost three years long,

as he is. You have, I've been around longer than a year longer than a year. Really? How long have you been You just kind of hit like last year 2010 You have I've been around longer than a year longer than me really how long you've been in comedy eight oh come nine and a half years nine and a half years How long you been a comedy? 12 12 years and you Joe This is really in bears now got also my 12th year. Oh Really yeah, well Now I've got also my 12th year. Oh wow. Really?

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, you came in and you actually, you got last com with standing was your big break, right? Last when that happened? Big break. Well, that's when he, look, Mike was a fucking knock around guy hanging out doing fucking just busting balls

showing up doing sets. And then you got last com with standing. I'll be setting you're on the tonight show. And everything started blowing up for you. And I mean, it grunted it all fell away and that's what I call him singing the tail bobby. I've got a rough 2011. No, I mean you hear that's when all the shit happened for you right?

I'd actually started with Russell Simmons, that comedy central thing. You're on Russell Simmons, what was it called? Def Comedy Jam? Russell Simmons live at the L-Ray You're on Russell Simmons, what was it called? Def Comedy Jam? Russell Simmons live at the L-Ray. Was that like a black show? And you did it? No shit. Me curtain Rachel.

Really? I don't get it. Why were you on that? You're not a black comic? What? No. You seen his act? I'm sorry.

I think I have. We have two acts. One where he goes, what's up, niggas? You have some of these white motherfuckers. I gotta go. I was saying it in character. Okay. But I thought you were Dominican.

You can go back and do it. Yeah. I feel like I got to play both roles. You remind me of the guy. Who's the guy, Ponyboy? Who's Ponyboy? What's his name? See Thomas Allen?

The outside is? Who's the movie that he played where he can you stop shaking your leg this When shit what's that so man so man? Yeah, you remind me of see Thomas how as a black guy I've never see I don't know I don't know the reference never never saw the way Kelly you're plugged into the internet Fucking get it. I'm on the fucking. Don't stop She's staring at me. He does he does get it on the internet Show people oh shit, okay, oh you suck. There's a microphone over there Sometimes I'm this stuff takes time. I've gotten everything else I mean you thought when when I first met you you said I was Samoan. I thought you you can you said yeah

You can make your hair with a sharpie I don't know. I'm just trying to be mean. Who doesn't like the only Samoan lawyer? He looks like little rocks, little brother. It looks like a little rock. I've got in Tiger Woods. That's an arty regular.

Yeah, you can be Tiger Woods. I know, as a kid, I got a smart guy. Remember the shell smart guy? Yeah. T me say Tia and Tamara Maori's little brother. Oh Yeah, I'm Maori got that a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah That's a great picture. It's the biggest one I could get it's the biggest one I could get I We need Hang on shut up Kelly stop Kelly. I think move your head. You blocked a tit last week. Now you're blocking the Dominican Listen, I didn't see the tit last week. Oh, it was a great. Yeah, I didn't get to see the fucking tit

I'm the one who needs to see the tit you guys don't need to see new tit you guys see tits all the time I needed to see the tit and Kelly's head block the tit listen We need a tea a guy who can pull shit up and knows how to do stuff. Do you not do that? I'm pretty good at that, does that? Do you not do it? Look at me.

Find me a fucking thing right now. IT guy, give him your computer. Find, shut up, Kelly. Let go of your computer. Find me, see Thomas Hall as a black guy, a nice big picture. Are we gonna watch Kelly get fired? No, no. Is that what you fire? Is that what you want? Is that what you want?

That's what you want? That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing.

That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing.

That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. he fingers went to work and now she got me my photo show them the photo this is an anti-climactic photo now show them now look now turn to the side and put watermelon in your mouth oh boy look at that no that's with the picture the picture has well I know but the audience the audience can't see the picture did not explain it I did not explain that was real fucking darn I'm a small bit. That is unbelievable. Listen, are you right? I'm sorry. Tell the church to set and put watermelon in. It's hot.

You can say it. Oh, food. We just talked how Nate actually lit up. He didn't even want to look at the picture. He goes, I can't do that anymore. There are cars crashing all over America next week. Whenever this comes out. Listen, here, yeah, we're done. He does look like him in the photo Turn your head put some water

He just has water Trim it back dribbling a basketball. We, then the photo. Can I please explain? Are you guys done? Can I please explain that in the photo before we get shut down? In the photo, the guy was eating watermelon.

It was the worst photo in the world. Was eating while, I was very racist. Yeah, it was a fucking photo. All right. Anyhow, this week we will, they go Joe. They're here, buddy. It's all together. It's the beer. It's the pop-lips. It's the beer. Yeah, we got it. Anyhow this week we will have they go Joe Joe's gonna be like one of those old blues players we have to give them six beers just to get them on stage Are you opening a beer with your forearm?

That's right. Wow that's really hope it rips his flesh. I mean, let's learn that. Try it on your forehead. Do we need to eat Joe? Do it on your flat stomach. Well, back. Do it on gay Joe's flat stomach. Use his belly button.

He's presenting side. I wanna apologize to the audience. I had to put my mic down for a minute. I'm back though. All right, well, here we go. Oh, geez. Yeah, this is a fun. This is a fun game.

A lot of crevices in this toy. This is a weird show, man. We're all over. There is a lot of crevices in this toy. This is a weird show, man. We're all, oh, there's a lot of motherfuckers. And it's like, I'm trying to corral this into what we're talking about. And this is what's happening, too, is that every time I fucking talk, I'm like, uh, who's that too much? That's a little too much. Do you know somebody who listen and really just got disgusted?

Some lady or cubicle? Yeah, someone just went, oh, fucking you fat fuck guaranteed somebody did that. But someone tweets that at you next week. There you go for you. Anyways, we got somebody coming up another photographer coming up. Don't get mad. You're really going all out this podcast. It's Nate's last show. You want an iPhone to have it a fucking work. Just play you on when you do the podcast. It's Nate's last show. Is this a Linda Linda's up here You're gonna do a house band. It's called dueling

I'm getting it. I have a actual a band the one man band for the drunk podcast that you're not gonna be around for I was ready for it I know but I I didn't want it to I didn't want to we're gonna do it last week For you people listening right now. We're doing a drunk podcast one night very soon We're gonna come down here. We're gonna go live. We're bringing some heavy weights, too We're gonna bring some heavy weights down. We're gonna give not me because I'm sober I'm gonna I'm gonna so many to run the show. I'm a drinking for 48 years. We're gonna do a 27. I know it's just funny because I'm a year older than when you like I was one years old when you went sober Really? Yeah? No shit.

Really? Look what you made. All right. We, uh, hey, what's going on? Nice reading. Linda's here. She's actually another photographer. We have Joe, Gay Joe's here.

He does video and photos. You're going to do photos. So take some nice photos. Do you arrange the lights? Why did the director? I'd say what? Linda's really doing something with me. No offense, Joe. She's very sweet.

But she just missed the last 10 minutes. Yeah, it's just thinking that. We were talking something. I actually, I made a show with a photo. Show with a photo. Show the photo. Show the photo. I thought I actually said he looked like Thomas C. Hall as a black man.

Remember that movie? He looks like him, but he's really Dominican, right? Not that guy. That's a white gay guy from Australia. We're talking the little fucking Tiger Woods looking dude, right here. Right here. He looks like him. And then I said, I just said without knowing, I go, you know,

do the photo, turn your head to the side, put a piece of water, I'm telling you mouth. But the people at home didn't know. So I, this is getting weird now. I never explained. She was then the why they were walking the door. She just kept going. Yeah, but the audience would have known that. Alonians? They didn't even know she's black. Well, I got, I got into like a three-hour debate with a group of people, uh, trend debate the, uh, the people thinking that people from Boston are prejudiced. And I just like just fighting and fighting. And then like a week later, the Bruins lost to the capitals with a black guy scored the winning goal. And it was like Twitter just blew up with the N word. And now this and now I'm just gonna have to bail completely on my argument.

I'm just a racist. We lose. I'm racist. I'm racist. I just found that out. I'm racist and I'm gay. Thanks. Thanks for two photographers fucking outed me.

Anyways, we're gonna actually talk today. I wanted to Kelly Fistuka, for you guys, I don't know. I've never seen her comedy. Have you seen her do comedy? Have you seen? Ah, Joe does the P.U. face. Joe did the fucking peppy lip-ew. I don't like it.

You pulled out a clothespin and put it on in this room. What the fuck was that? Have you ever seen her comedy? No. You never. No, what do you know? That's it, all right. What about you?

I've seen her comedy several times. Yeah. And what do you think? I like it. Oh boy. I think Kelly, Kelly's voice. She's a charming one. First of all, first of all, stop.

I'm just going to say, do you just call her charming? That's like when you do a set and you know your bomb because your manager goes, dude, you look good. You look good, you look good on TV. What's this manager thing? It's how guy who helps you career. You have a manager, right? What's your manager's name?

Max Burgess from the Collective. Ooh, that sounds like a fucking huge band. Yeah, the new badass management company out there. There's a leather jacket and smokes inside. Two Jews at a coffee being going with called collective. Love it. Sounds like a cult. I bet you they've metal pins. Nothing. All right. You know guys, you might want to say something. Just staring. That's just staring That's worse Roller coaster of a podcast. Yeah, this is I think there's too many kids roller coaster He calls it like see them

So anyways, I wanted to I had a professional manager He's been an agent at William Morris for some of the biggest guys in the business. He's been a manager. He's been on all sides. He's been in production and all that. Conan Smith, you guys know him, right? I had him actually watch your tape, Kelly. And Reed.

It's all tape. It's from Creek in the Cave. The club is fucking a year and a half old. How old is it? It's not even dry there. Yeah, it's not from the original improv. She's going up a catch. She went over the original catch. Richard Prior didn't bring you up. It's not a big deal from Austria. Richard Prior. Richard Prior is very charming. Joe's trying to earn back some of his points. I'm points to prove that Paul I wouldn't raise this

to him. Richard Pryor is actually one of my favorite comments. Richard Pryor, now you guys are both already in the hole. You'll cause me. God for you. No, fine, fine, nothing to do with race. It was a callback to the fact that you clearly wouldn't describe a great comic with charming first, which was very sweet.

Can you know you storyboarded? I forgot that you guys were asking questions. Can you guys do me favor and minimize the photo so I don't have to stare at it for the rest of the show it's when you do become sensitive holy shit I need let me see that internet plugs really you know what fuck it I don't even need it fuck it yeah fuck the plug fuck it fuck that plug. Yeah Yeah, put it in no thanks. I've got it on my fucking phone Dan take over the show. All right everyone. So we're back

It's like it's like major league to when Bob you're gonna pass us out For years broadcast to go to that cut I'm not going to be able to do that. Cut. It's a takeover. Cut. Kelly, are you nervous? Yeah, I don't want this. Hey, do we have to listen to it?

No, I do. We have to watch it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Last week, you fucking got me with you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Now we're doing it you say you know I mean there's also a sweet set of titties in the room that kind of Relative I didn't know the mic like Mick Jagger now Kelly. Oh, oh, Totsiana last Now it got some other titties Mother titties and the room. I'm trying to hang out to some tears.

Oh, gosh. Listen, do you guys want to hear a little bit of it? Yeah. Bring it up. Bring it up. Bring it up. Can I bring her up as what was the name of the DEF Tim comment? No, I'm going to lie. Sir up.

Oh, yeah, sir up. Oh, that's a callback. I forgot about that. This next comment coming to the stage, originally from Australia, this bitch had a bloody asshole. This is the one of the worst things I think that I haven't been to. Just bring it up.

I, no one's gonna laugh. I mean, guys, the audience here, I don't comedy for like a third of the time, they've been doing it. And we have to watch you, sir. But then judge me, it's like, let me ask you a question. I do what you said.

Let's just found out what's going on. We have to listen to this whole thing. This is the reason why I'm doing this. I've never really, like a Kelly is one of the major parts of the show. Right now she's on every week. She's here. She does a lot for the show, but I've never, ever seen her comedy. And I watched it.

Finally, she gave me this tape to watch. but I've never, ever seen her comedy. And I never, and I watched it, finally, she gave me this tape to watch, and then I had a guy review it, and he has notes. I have notes on your show, but how are we gonna, we need to hear what the fuck it is. Is the first note moved back to Australia? I'm sure.

Oh, this is gonna be fun, it's tough. I promise you, I will find one of Nate's first fucking shows. Oh, go ahead and watch me crush it. No, I got to actually VHS tape. You do? We have my first three times and they are brutal. Dude, my first fucking, I have one of me in a cutoff sleeves

of the restaurant I work at Because I came from the restaurant waiting tables. I get on stage. I told you this and every joke at the columns I'd go up and I just go fucking yeah bitches fucking fat chicks. I love them That was but that was the joke Dude it's I gotta say I'll bring Kelly Kelly I promise you I'll bring in my tape I'll give you one of mine to get one of nays We'll get your tonight show I think it's time for a break

Hang on We're just starting to catch steam We're just starting to catch steam. He's fucking hands. All right, ready? Hang on a second. It's loading. It's loading right now. Loaded all the way.

Yes. And let me know when it's loaded and we're going to play it. How long is this set? That's eight minutes. How long you think it is. Eight minutes and a lot. It's been a lot. It's been a lot.

It's Kelly's all. We just do the last one. It's all her material. I love it. It's the idea, though. It was like, all right. Like, look a lot. It's Kelly's all. Can we just do the last one? It's all her material. I love the idea though. It was like, all right.

We're like, look, we're bringing an old tape of us to show you how bad we are. Like an old tape. We're watching her set now. And we're like, oh, we're bringing one in. We're supposed to. We'll do it. I know it's a real.

I'll show you. No. It's a real. I'll show you. I think I have my apartment right now. I'll do my act right now. Oh, man. Hang on. Hang on a second. What's that? Joe go ahead?

I'm gonna bring you up you guys ready you guys great crowd Thank you comedy such a How you doing sir? I'm fine. All right. You look like a white black guy Hi, how you doing? Where you from, man? I'm from Tennessee. I fucking hate you. All right, you guys ready for your next comic? Yeah! We're at the Creek in the cavern.

We're at the cavern muscle, comedy club, out in fucking the burkshires of Massachusetts. I was outside the M&M stores, They told me a comedy show was happening. Yeah That's the genius I know We got Bruce Willis is gonna come up with Of course you do you try to kill him in every movie All right, hang on shut up sir. Yeah fucking mouth Gage Joe the bounce I do something about that guy.

I'm not gonna call my drinks yet. All right, it's coming, it's coming. Gloucpan, Flickle, Flickle. Listen, we gonna bring up your next comic, he's one of my favorites, he's from Boston, my hometown, he's been on Comedy Central, he was on Friday night videos, he's done all, he's got a Twitter account. You guys give it up for Joe List, everybody.

Joe List! Oh, thanks. Thanks, everybody. How you doing? Good to be here. Good to be here. What's this? First date? I'm kidding. All right. Hey, so I get real nervous on stage.

I'm very self-conscious about my looks. Some of you might be thinking, how come you're adorable? Yeah. Get the mic closer to Kelly because she's gonna be laughing. That's that part. Yeah, yeah.

He needs it. Really self-conscious about my teeth. I got some crooked teeth. I'm self-conscious about, I was talking to my buddy, I was confiding in him. I go, hey man, I'm really self-conscious about my teeth. Then he looked at him and he goes,

dude, all you need is some crest whitening strips. I was like, yeah, I'm actually self-conscious that they're crooked I don't turn we got a cricket problem we need to get fixed where you keep going I said crooked guys I wait a second that's an A bit listen Lizzy. That is A bit. I- this is my show, and I don't know where we go, cricket sound effects. I'm flipping out right now. I'm flipping out right now. That leads me to believe that Kelly is responsible

for doing the crickets. Yeah. So I will no longer be holding back. Let us feast. I saw how a couple of she was. I was like I'm not gonna do anything She heckled Joe and Joe was trying to help her out Did she play for a bit? Yeah, she literally heckled Joe

That's crazy Joe is so nice, you know what? I'm gonna do a bit in the only place where it won't work Well, no actually It's actually heckled you That's not entirely true It's not over yet You can make a comeback

It's not over yet He's got six more minutes. I've actually been slacking. I'm putting this in my book as doing a sentence. Listen, apparently you're doing a book. I just want to sell it. Listen, I say we all do one of our shitty first jokes. I'll do it on track.

I got one. OK, good. Dan, wait, I'm going to bring you up, though. Are you guys ready for this guy? Yeah. That's my current opener. I just do. Oh, I'm your CD. That's his go. TV. That's how it goes. It's to be everybody in the face. Hey, I'll send the tape of that joke crushing. I've seen

that joke. I have somebody tickling everybody in the audience. I'm sorry, Joe. Gosh, Jack. Somebody tickling everybody in the audience. I'm sorry, Joe. That's on your CD. That joke's not on my CD. That's from a week ago. I had to do it before you asked me to do something. Okay, here we go. Don't ever explain the joke.

That ruins the funny, Kelly. Write that down in your notebook. So we're doing some of our first jokes. Do you remember some of yours, Nate? I had the first thing I ever wrote down. I thought it was a joke. What is it here? Well, you bring them on all right. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry you guys you guys ready for your next guy. Yeah

All right, he's he's here visiting from down south The big city. So, you know, he's he's getting used to these lights electricity Wow All right, hey you guys Give it up. You've seen them on the C&C Awards. You've seen them open up for fucking Larry the cable guy and Lisa Lepanella.

Let's give it up for Nate Bergazzi, everybody. All right. Right here, here, here. Thanks, everybody. Keep going for the host. Yeah, all right. Yeah, all right. Yeah, I don't know your name.

Keep going If an educated guess is so educated, why is it a guess? Thanks Give it up Come on who said rock have a wrote down who said, first joke I ever wrote down? Who said rednext on intelligent? No. Me, I did, I did.

You guys ready for your next comment? Yeah. Yeah, this guy's unbelievable. He's one of my good friends. He's got a huge head, small hands, and thin forearms. I don't know who you're bringing up. I'm gonna get it. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I've never seen anyone introduce themselves before. Oh, the truth. There it is. He's on fire today. That's how you get him back.

You give it up for him. Joe Parker makes me laugh. It's just a turning head. His body doesn't move. It's like he's paralyzed from the neck down. He's like a funny guy in a wheelchair. Listen. It's just a turning head. His body doesn't move. It's like he's paralyzed from the neck down. He's like a funny guy in a wheelchair.

Give it up for Dan Soda, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. I live in Tucson, Arizona. A lot of homeless people here. A lot of homeless people. Everywhere else, when homeless people ask you, I'm trying to remember the joke,

when people ask you for change, when homeless people ask you for change, and you say, no, they go away. Not in Tucson, that's just them warming up. Homeless guy recently asked me for change. I said, no, I saw them thinking, I saw the things work and he was like, I need money for gas. I was like, no, you don't. He's like, yeah, dude, my saw him thinking, I saw the things work and he was like, I need money for

gas. I was like, no, you don't. He's like, yeah, dude, my car's down the street. My wife and my daughter in there was like, and Godzilla attacked us. Oh my God, do you take debit? That was it. That was like one of my first jokes. Is that two jokes?

Is that a chunk? That was a huge bit. It's in the bin. Is that a chunk? Yeah, he's in the bin. So do I. So do I. This is the light on this bed. Yeah. That's a huge bit. He's in the back. Is that a chance? Yeah, he's in the back.

So did the light on this bed. Yeah. This is my dear Kevgo, because he wanted that laugh. Yeah. It wasn't there. He wanted, even in this room, he had to get off on a laugh. And then when he didn't, he goes, well, that's what I did. That's how I, that's how I, that's how I, that's how I start.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You could hear him trying to pull the rip-cord halfway through. Yeah, I am. Come on, you Dan. Mike, when you were good. Yeah. Mike? So you were good, yeah. Mike?

All right, right. Is that also one of your first bits? What are you looking at? Everybody's going to need to get a guitar for my bed. What? I can only do it if everybody has a u-play. I'm going to introduce my bed. You got to introduce him.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I was just looking at his muscles. He's stupid, sure. I did. I was looking at his arms. But on our view, you're Irish, though. I've never seen Mike's actual arm, because he's always just, you know, a boxy dude,

and just covers up, I know he's in shape. I've never seen his arms. I've never seen his arms. I've never seen his arms. Yeah, let's see it. Joe, get a little bit of this, get a joke. Oh, yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! That's good, Kelly, you want to see it? Hey, can we do a picture of his muscle next to Bobby Shirt caught in his fat rolls? Can we do a together? Oh, I mean, so that's the joke. Now he's gonna be on the show for a while.

It's just me. I can do it, too. I know, you're shaped like a potato. Yeah. Listen, the straws. Jesus. I'm not your mind about how long I want this. I just untucked you see that though. This is how I'm just here. I am. I literally tried to untuck it my fat rolls right after I said that.

I got a picture with me and literally a picture we took pictures of my wife being pregnant. And one of them, my shirts, caught underneath my thing, it literally looks like we're just both pregnant. You look like a 20 year old that's our ghost. No. He not only gave it nothing for her to say. We're just both pregnant. You look like a 20 year old that's our ghost. All right. He not only gave it nothing, he's burned his head away. He had it in just a fucking saw.

That was a ricochet. Can we still do a Christian's podcast right now? Yeah. Who's the lord? All right, here we go. You guys, this guy's unbelievable. He's been on the fucking tonight show. He's on last comic standing.

He did some black thing for show time. And black stuff. She's cool, it's cool. He's a very funny guy. He's stalky. He's got his waist and his legs of the same exact size. 34 inches up and down. Give it up for Mike Vecchion.

Hey everybody, thank you so much. Nice to be here. Nice to be here. I'm Italian and wouldn't it be weird if Sesame Street was like in an Italian neighborhood? Crazy, right? I mean like, Pimperd. And Oscar the Grouch is like a boss of the neighborhood. Street was like in an Italian neighborhood crazy, right? I mean like

Big Bird and Oscar the grouches like a boss of the neighborhood and everything and then there's shootings and you end up in a garbage can No, was this a thought? I had no punch on that it yeah, that was I know punch with a lot of energy sell it really yeah, no punch That's something that someone on mushrooms says to you. Yeah, I know a bunch of a lot of energy sell it. Really? No point in that. Wow. That was something that someone on mushrooms says to you. Yeah. I really, I was waiting.

That's, I actually kind of like the bit. I was like, all right, let's get into the setup. Yeah, the setup was good. It was all setup. It's all set up. That's kind of a hack. Italian Sesame Street. Well, what did Oscar say?

I don't know. I think, I think, hacks finish their joke. That would be fun. Ah. Ah, that discipline. What would what did Oscar say? I don't know. I think I think hacks finish their joke Discipline Miss Nate I'm gonna miss Nate and his fucking Oscar. He should do the podcast in a trash can I just pop out everything. I'm gonna say mean shit All right, so we all sucked Kelly is the point is we all had sucky. What about you? my joke

It's pretty bad. You can do one of yours now All right, here we go. Here we go. What's your name again Christian Polarisco? I'm not Yeah, you would you do sit all right? I'm sure yeah Check spot Yeah, check spots everybody why you guys are paying your bills very funny young comedian come on come on We're gonna be seeing a lot of them in the future. Please welcome Christian Diet coke

Can you pet you so How's it going? What do you think? Can you pack it up? So, let me find. What's really nice. I was just out of three bags. What is tax? I'm sorry.

Who ordered tax? I look really young and I want to actually go out. Listen, if you would sign on this. I'll give you my credit card. And I'll just fish me. So fucking fish me. I'm not gonna get taxed. I'm gonna start to have left $10 for a bud like.

So, I thought we paid the cover charger already so I look I thought we get two free drinks We don't get two free drinks to our shots Can I finish my first jokes there Sorry, oh, hi tiger woods on stage You should eat watermelon Somebody call the cops Jimmy watermelon. Somebody called the cops. That's how they serve you.

Sir, that sounded too authentic. Please stop. Please stop. Well, at least it's polite. Well, now you know what a cheque spot feels like. That's what's going on in our head. It is a boat. That's called Kelly.

That's a pretty good cheque spot. That's me every Friday, set day night. That's Kelly's set every weekend. I want to hear Christians joke now all right great Christian so I look really young people think I look very young and I think it's because they say black too sorry it's there's two nates here so I want to ball sit in the South so that is the two guys so I look really I look really young and I think it's because I have

immigrant parents it's because I have immigrant parents It's because my my mom is Dominican and my dad is a care bear That's my first joke I want to drink just a throw a bottle at you That was it how you don't want your beer Care But you I didn't get to do one of my first jokes. Yeah, you did no, I did an a get to do one of my first jokes. Yeah, you did. No, I did an A, but I did one.

You were kidding. I'm saying that took kill. I just did a kill. All right, listen, I will bring you back. Let's bring Joe up. Let's bring up. You can't bring Joe up. Why?

Just need this next motherfucker coming to the stage. If racism was a tattoo wave, he'd be a motherfucking tsunami. From Boston, give it up for Joe Loo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was just that the Celtics game, a lot of empty seats for a team called the Celtics. All right, what was that about that other time?

It's thousand and half a door. I didn't know this shit was going to happen on my stage. I actually don't know who it was. I'm going to do it. I just got back from the restaurant, cheers, nobody do my name. Oh man, someone took him on the first two jokes. I like him better than your joke now.

I like that. Sell takes is actually, I like that. It's a good tweet. They're a perennial powerhouse now though. I guess I'll do one then, ready? Yeah. Are you ready? You want to be happy? No, no, no, no, no. I did that but I'll do one then ready. Yeah, all right. Are you ready? You want to be?

All right, I'll do a joke. Welcome back. What year is this? I feel like you can make me, you know, hold on. We'll trail off. We'll trail off, buddy. And I'm gonna say fucking Reagan's the best president of all time. All right, you guys ready for your next comment? Are you ready for your next comment? Welcome out to the fucking Boston Comedy Dungeon.

This next guy fucking super hot. Look to the fucking Boston Comedy Dungeon, this next guy, fucking super hot. Look at the fucking hair, the fucking party. All right, he's fucking great. Please watch on the stage. Bormi Kelly, everybody. How you doing? What's going on, you fucking clock suckers? I fucking goddamn, I'm trying.

This fucking Susan Pouda's check. She was 300 pounds. She lost 300 pounds. My question is, where'd all the skin go? What she folded up and sticking in her ass like a parachute? She cuts a fart, she goes jogging, she cuts a fart to slow down. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, There's no chance any of Kelly's jokes will be better than that. My father fucking cocksack.

I was supposed to rake the leaves. I'm like, hey, raking leaves. The raking leaves is stupid. As you're raking, they're fallen. That's why they called it fall let all the leaves fall You do this once I'm out there fucking every other day raking leaves because they're still falling This come up with a season called fell all the leaves fell. I do this once God named him leave leave him there He didn't name him pick me ups. It's like that guy sell tics joke kind of saying the idea

Wow guys and Boston we try to bring things down. A lot of wordplay. A lot of wordplay. That's a good bear, right? That's a good bear, right? That's good. Thank you. You see body ball out his notebook?

Yeah. Try this one all again tonight. Let's blow the dust off this old gem. I want him to sell it tonight. Let's blow the dust off this old gem. I'm getting a pounding from a bunch of middle-ish. I saw Bobby do that joke at C-bees. This is like all the pig needs taking out an elephant. That's fucked up. Oh.

I like Nate's fucking round his slow gears turn. Yeah, I like those fucking marble eyes. I was trying to come up with an elephant, Jew joke, but I couldn't come up with it. But at least you showed your cards. Yeah, at least you let us all. Let us know the fucking shit that's going on here. I was trying to keep up with you guys.

All right, listen, we're gonna do. This is what we're gonna do. We're gonna take a quick break. Yeah. We're gonna come back. We've all Kelly, Kelly, the face of a woman who just got convicted of murdering her children.

Kelly, when we come back, it's ready to go, correct? Yes, it's ready to go. But the cricket business, it's like her show up the trial licking the knife. She's asking for it. Yeah, she is. You know what? You echoed it.

Thank you for, I don't like it. Thank you for just as an awful analogy as I made it. Yeah, but this is what made his analogy worse. He actually p like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that.

I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that.

I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that.

I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. This is just like you can jerk off to it later. That was fun. That was fun. Yeah. So I know I start. Alright. Give me a cue. There you go. Licking the knife.

Wait, that's a sword, you home, oh? Oh, whatever. I don't know what the fuck I never looked at knife before. Yeah, you have. I'm a good act. I'm sag eligible. Yeah. You're gonna say, Kelly, take your shirt off. Oh, good work on that one. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, lincones de película y un sincindia aventuras te esperan.

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Those guys have been a fucking awesome, awesome supporter of mine, my whole fucking career. You guys to check those guys out and support them make sure you check out the bandalier go runner that's our you and then you are calm get yourself a nice bandalier for the summer it's the shit when you walk in going through the woods whatever you want to keep your phone your wallet your all your bullshit your sunglasses and a bottle of water it's the bag bag of the future. I have one.

Kelly has one. We're going to be putting a video up of Kelly as soon as she makes it. I will do it. Anyways. It's in your picture. I know you did. I liked it. And make sure you go.

If you're a fat fucking, you need to lose some weight. You need to have something in your house. Because you're not going to make it to the fucking gym. You're not going to go there every day. But if it's in your house because you're not gonna make it to the fucking gym You're not gonna go there every day But if it's in your house if you have it right there so there's no excuses You will move for 20 minutes do what I do one show a day one television show a day. I do on the treadmill That's it. That's it. I watch one show and then I'm done and usually I'll watch two shows once you get into working out You got to go to yowza fitness calmist.com, get yourself a fucking treadmill.

And if you don't have the room, get yourself a folding one, like the Biscayne. I got, it's the best folding treadmill out there. Why? Because it folds, but it comes down and it's like a stationary one unit. It's unbelievable. I have speakers, I can put my iPhone up to it.

It has a fan with three speeds. It has a heart rate monitor. It has everything, the treadmills that the gym have, but it's in my house. Go to yowza fitness.com and support those guys. If you're a fat fuck, you need to get one of these things. And that's it. That was kind of fucking cold ending right? Who gets? That's it. Make sure you go to iTunes and support us. Yeah, it's really lovely ones coming up. They're awesome. Yeah, make sure you go there.

iTunes. We've read them. Yeah, review, subscribe, and spread the fucking word. YKWD, you know what, dude? On riotcast.com. Join the riot. Riotcast. cast Okay, here we go. Kelly.

Yo. Hey, oh, we're here for TikTok. Oh yeah. TikTok with Bobby and friends. TikTok. TikTok. TikTok. Mm-hmm. So I can carry the show.

I'll do it. You need me to just throw the gomit down and off I can take hold. Okay, because we're eating some of the strain candy now. And it's good. No, what? What do you, uh, okay, don't look at the nutrition scale. Don't look at it. Put that pipe, Bobby.

Bobby, put the wrap it down. Put the wrap it down. It's okay Okay, now Bobby you've got some nice headphones you wanted to talk about on tech talk today. Oh my god I was fucking chocolate. I wish this was technology Holy fuck fuck That's a chakito. That's what damn was making fun of last week's So good Kelly Kelly brought in these Australian candies and the reason why Candy from Europe or Australia out of America is good is because why

Because Every other country uses sugar to make their candy that I use corn syrup and corn syrup is awful But sugar even though you lose your taste, it tastes better. And they use dairy milk instead of the horseshit we use, which is, so you can actually taste the creamy, beautiful, milky milk chocolate. If you taste her, she's from America, it tastes like plastic. It literally tastes like plastic,

but if you taste a candy bar from Europe or Australia, with it says real milk chocolate and they use real sugar, it tastes the way candy used to taste. But even if it's like a Hershey's in Australia, it'll taste better than the one here. Yeah. There's a big chocolate, there's a massive, it's a massive cabbary factory as well. Cabri, yeah, cabri here sucks. Cabri from Europe, you can see it says, real, real dairy milk and real sugar. It's crazy. Cully gave me one of these like a year ago at a show. Oh yeah, that's right.

I mean like dreaming about them ever since. Yeah, the caramel and the koalas. Fucking great. Yeah. Anyways, we're here to talk about tech talk. We have Christian who was on the show today. Mm-hmm. Thank you again for having me on man and give a little background of what you do Why you're on tech talk? Why are you on tech talk today? Tell them why? So I went to school for computer science. I'm an IT guy. I've been doing it for about seven years and

And yeah, I know my shit when it comes to computers. All right, you know your shit when it comes to technology and you tep-talk. I have my thing about tep-talk today, Kelly, do you have yours? I do, I do have a program. And is it a program or an app? An app for the computer or a program for the computer? Are you decide? One of the two. Okay, is it a program for the computer?

There's a difference. A program or the one? I mean, did you get it from Christian? Is it some horses for the computer? There's a difference. That's right. I don't know. Did you get it from Christian? Is this some horseshit? No. Did he hook you up? Are you fucking Christian? Are you fucking Christian for a cut talk?

I do. I know he's girlfriend. Christian, do you have something? I do. I don't even know how many I do have a few things. So why don't I go first? Yeah. Well, you want me to go first?

You want me to go last? Then we'll go first. You sure? Cause my, I mean, mine might be good. I'm pretty sure mine is better though. Okay, well, wow, what a cocky little fucking Dominican. Cocky little motherfucker. Cock, sucker.

Okay, well, you know, I have, the one thing that, you know, I travel a lot. I've been taking the train a lot. I'm gonna go to the gym now, trying to get back in the shape. So I always use fucking headphones. I always go through headphones all the time. And they break, they fall apart, they're fucking flimsy or they stop working, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And sometimes you spend 100 dollars on these fucking things. Yeah. And what do you gonna do? I mean, yeah, you can return them, you gotta find the receipt, put them in a box, send them back to the company, wait three weeks, get in, I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do

because it has warranty for you here. And then they try to sell you that other shit at Best Buy. By a three year warranty. It's like, fuck me, can you just make something that works? I found a cool pair of headphones that I think, you know think every day fucking beat around pretty cheap headphones that have some actually weight to them.

They're called Chain. They look great. Yeah, they're cool. They're from Echo. The clothing company. The clothing company makes these headphones and they're called Chain and the reason why they're called that and what I like about it is there the part

the part from what would you call this Christian I mean it's just the the stereo jack stereo jack right well you're the technical guy you're gonna be on tech talk you get to help us out the stereo jack part that phone jack until the split of the earbuds is made of a cloth rope It's almost like a rope Which is is tangle free I would say yeah, which hang on one second Well, a tangle free and it's a cool little black and gray Striped but tangle free is because I was just throw these in my pocket and you you get regular headphones, like the iPhone ones or the wired ones,

they get tangled up all the fucking times. Yeah, the standard headphones are the worst, I mean, they break immediately. They break immediately, but you're always gonna untangle them because it's wires. Wires get tangled up. These have the rope all the way to the air phone jack.

And then the cool part is, the part from the headphones are both on is not rope. It's actually, it's the chain from like an old light Apart from the headphones are both on, is not rope, it's actually, it's the chain from like an old light when you used to pull the light on the lamp. Yeah, yeah. It's actually that, it's the beaded little silver balls. And then it goes into some metallic,

some, I don't know, some blue metal into the headphones. So they're pretty sturdy. They're durable, yeah, they're pretty. But it also has what I like, it has the microphone. It doesn't have the volume up and down, but it does have the pause and the play. And you can talk on the phone. But I'll tell you, the good parts about this

is Tangle Free. It's real durable. I love the chain, it has some weight to it. They actually sound really good in the ear. The quality is really good. It's $29 for these headphones. That's awesome. Yeah, they're fucking great. It comes with the little silk pouches that all headphones, I mean, the great little cool little pouches that you never use. Jesus Christ, you know, I love these little silk pouches that come

with these headphones. Very fancy. Yeah, they're very fancy. You never use them. I use them for other stuff. I have a million little pouches. That's how I put my notes. No, that's good because I like, like, last year, I think I bought maybe three pairs of headphones. I spent almost, almost 300 bucks on headphones because they constantly break. Yeah, these are pretty durable, man. They look good.

But the bad part is, is the, okay, the microphone, like I said, it doesn't have the up, down volume button. And the microphone is pretty far away from your mouth. So you have to hold it up to get it. It should have been up on the fucking chain near your mouth so that you can hear the voice. So you have to kind of hold the mic to your mouth. Like an asshole.

Like an asshole, exactly. Those are the cons. The mic is in a bad place. It should have been up a little harder. But these are great. If you're looking for a cool, unique, durable eye catching pair of headphones, they come in black with a gray balls chain or blue

with a really crumbed out metallic chain. These are really good and again it's echo united I guess that is right? Unlimited. Unlimited, abbreviated, echo unlimited and their chain and the 29 dollars you get them at best by it. That's my tech talk for this week. Kelly Go. Okay, so is it a program or an app? Christian. get him a best buy that's my tech talk for this week. Good to you. Kelly Go. Okay. So is it a program or an app?

Christian. I mean, it's a program. There's like the same thing. They're like the same thing nowadays. That doesn't matter. But I guess an app refers to something on a mobile device. Yeah. Okay.

So I've told you before, Robert, that I'm someone with a very bad attention span. And I can't focus long enough to do anything at all. I can never say the name of it. I mean why? I did pronounce it two M's. Oh, my. I'm right. I'm right. It's a program that you write and it comes you down and helps you focus. So when you go in, the whole screen is all white. Yeah. It's like a nice white background.

I'll see that. It's nice white. Yeah. And then if I put the volume on Okay, oh Okay, but it's not coming through. Isn't it? You can't hear it because it's you got to tell me if you plug it Oh, okay, you want me to play that hang on stop one second. Okay, okay, so it plays music. Yeah But you can, I'm gonna sit down a bit. You can change the music, and then when you type, it's really soothing sounds with the typing, like,

I can hear it. I can hear it. I can hear that. It's really soothing. So, as you type, it goes with it. And what do you type? When I'm writing, I'm trying to write jokes and stuff. But it blocks out everything else on the screen.

So you can't go back to the internet. That would annoy me. Why? What? What calmness? Yeah. One of it, here's the thing. You're mixing two things together.

Are you mixing fucking writing jokes or writing being creative, which my brain has to be in a fucked up weird, cool place to be at? And then I'm relaxing, which I need to do not I mean that music looking at a white page would relax me but then I started to think about jokes and fuck I'd be like you know what I mean I'd be like it's two worlds colliding well it's like I've tried like whenever I write and play music in the background just because I can't whenever it's dead silence that's the worst I need to have something

playing so I put pinder pendora on but I just again like oh song by Ella Cool J and then I'll go to you to even look it up It's like order distractions around you play that again for me Yeah turn it up But there's other ones okay play another one Yeah, I should turn it off. I shoot myself in the fun. This one's pretty lovely I pick up the fucking penny pick up the pen Pick up the fucking penny I blew as much check that off

I'm okay, but I understand what you say and I'm fucking nuts. So well if you're right If you're ready for like stand-up period of time, that's it's really helpful Right if you're a fucking if you're a fucking ninja extended period of time, that's really helpful. Right. If you're a fucking ninja, and you can separate and compartmentalize, but that's got, I mean, if some people do like that background noise or something in the background while you're writing, you know, I mean, I guess I was writing a fucking self-help book that'd be good.

You know, the unity of life comes together in the, can you play that again? Play that again? Play that again? I gotta open it. I feel like it's closed. Oh, that's good. Keep it up. of life comes together in the key play that I play that I play that I I can open it like I That's good keep it open don't ever close anything The world is one comes together as my dick jokes you night inside of one of

I want you to be calm now Robert Okay, so you have done right now I'll fucking kill you Come Robert go with the wind I was trying to do calm now, Robert. Okay. So you have to have a fucking kill you. You calm, Robert. Go with the wind. I was trying to do something. She stepped on my joke. I was trying to do this whole thing, and she kept, she went another way on my joke.

One of them shines. I know she really wants the shine. All right, so what is it called? It's good. I'm Ryder. Oh, Ryder. I'm Ryder. What do you get it?

What do you get it? Omrider.com. OK, is it free? Yeah, it's What do you get it? Omriter.com. Okay. Is it free? Yeah, it's free. All right, so there you go. That's actually, I mean, I like, I wouldn't use that, but I like when people make shit that you don't need, but you need.

And that's one of those things. It's an action, yeah. It's like, what the fuck is that? Who would have come up with that? But there's some guy who's like, dude, want don't we, to make that and make it free, you can't fuck with that, you have to, I'll even, I'll download it and fuck with it if it's free. Yeah, exactly.

All right, that's a good kill, you good, you fucking come up with a good one. Yay. With the help of him. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,

mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, that's not possible. Forgive me. No, of course You know the Apple airport express, you know what that I have it. Okay. I have you talked about it already No, all right You try to once but me and Dan just blinked back because we were like we don't know what that is

That's why I'm glad we have Christian who actually get shit I can fucking I can talk tech with you We have Christian who actually get shit and can fucking I can talk tech with you But I mean that's like one of my favorite devices that I use so much I mean basically the airtunes is what I use the most so I can stream Music I connect my receiver to it so I can play and I have the speakers and I can play music So I'm at a party you can play the music from your iTunes to any speakers that are in the house, and there's an app for the iPhone or an iPod touch where you can use the remote control to control iTunes, so you can be like the DJ walking, you can be on a separate

floor and still control the music in the house. But the speakers have to be connected to the actual airport express. Exactly. And how do they do that? USP? No. Through Wi-Fi. No, well, it streams through Wi-Fi, but the speakers themselves are just connected physically. Connected to what? To the airport express. So, where do you plug them in? Using what? Like a headphone jack. Is there a headphone jack on the airport express? Yes.

There is. I didn't see that. Is there. Do I have an X-port extreme? That's the Wi-Fi thing. That's the Wi-Fi thing alone. Yeah, the airport express does, that thing with the music as well.

It doesn't let you. Does mine do that? I don't think it does. Okay, so that's why I'm flipping out. Yeah. So I got an X-port extreme to shoot the Wi-Fi out and I plugged like five hard drives into it. So I can get into any hard drive,

all my hard drives right from my computer wirelessly. Yeah, that's the idea. So yours is airport extreme. Express. Express. So it's smaller and it just, it's a hundred bucks. It's a hundred bucks and it plugs right into an outlet. I know what it is.

All right, I fucking was almost gone one of those. So you're saying that shit's the bomb. It's a it's a hundred bucks. It's a hundred bucks and it plugs right into an outlet I know what it is. All right. I fucking was almost gone one of those You're saying that shit's the bomb. It's great. So get that I yeah I think it's it's it's more than just the router which is kind of what you what you're the airport Which was the one you have extreme extreme that one's just like a router Wi-fi and then you can plug in devices to it. Mine's extreme. Very extreme. It goes as express. Mine's extreme. It goes as extreme. But the thing with the music is probably the best part.

I'm gonna use it all. If I ever throw a party, if I'm just playing music in the house, it's great. I can just control it from my phone. And you have access to all the entire catalog in your iTunes. So you can play every song you have. From the computer. From the computer.

On to your iPhone. Through the iPhone. Through the iPhone. Through the iPhone. But if it you have from the computer from the computer into on to your iPhone For through the iPhone through the iPhone through the iPhone, but it's sitting on the computer You can play all your music to any room in the house That's great, and you need to be a fucking IT guy to figure it out now Apple you put in the CD's it What's the app you gotta get? Remote it's called remote on the get the remote get the airport extreme uh... express i'm extreme your express yeah plug it into the wall plug your speakers into that and you can be anywhere in your house controlling the party yeah

that's pretty fucking wild i like that i do i don't have parties but i do play music in the house yeah it's uh... it comes with really handy and you can bring that anywhere uh..., as long as you have that and your computer and the speakers. Exactly. Any speakers plug into it. Any speaker plug. As a headphone jack goes right in. Right. Okay, that's fucking great. Yeah, that's awesome. What else you got? There was a, there's something that's coming out. It seems amazing. This thing called the leap, right? And it's, do you know, you remember minority report, right? I do, yeah.

I remember when the Tom Cruise is like moving his hands and doing all the, yeah. Yeah, like on the C through computer screen. Yeah, so, but this device, it's like, it's ridiculous. It lets you use hand gestures to control things on your computer. So it's like the future, essentially. So it's kind of like the way Tony Stark moves shit around. Yeah, yeah.

It's only 80 bucks. It's coming out at the end of the year. What you called again? The leap. Go to leapmotion.com. You can see a tech demo. Really? What it does.

I mean, literally, it's kind of like, you know how you use your gestures on the iPhone. And you can make make you know you move across whatever yeah you can zoom in so the zoom in the pinching motion You do that in front of your computer and it'll zoom in a photo and and I mean it's it recognizes You're every finger individually on any computer. I think it's from Mac first but for the most far I think it's not that I don't care as long as it's from Mac first. Yeah yeah. I don't care if PC's ever get it. If you have a PC if you have a PC I don't trust you. I need to have one. I don't. Well you're IT you need to have PC but you have a Mac. I have both. Yeah. All right that's great. What's it called again? Leap. Go to leap motion. Let me see. The video is incredible.

This is the thing that Alex here was just saying. All right, so you go to leapandmotion.com and you buy this box. So it's like a little silver box that goes in front of your computer. What? Oh, shit. Get the fuck out of here.

And it's only $80. And they're showing it. So basically, you put it in front of your computer because we're gonna lab top. Now this is an iMac. So it's just a USB device. So you can sit in front of any computer in it. And you can fuck, you can just do whatever you have. You can just just. Yeah. They're doing this on a desktop, but it's kind of like when you get an iPhone and like you're going in You're like you're maximizing like a Google map or something. Yeah, but it's like on the desktop Yeah, you just put your hand over it and it recognizes what exactly those same hand gestures 70 bucks Wow

Yeah, you can play games with it too. There's one. They play a first-person shooter. Yeah, I saw that Yeah, and your hand is the gun. Exactly. That's pretty wild. Wow. Wow. All right, check this out. I'm going to go check that out when I get home tonight.

Yeah. I love that. It's crazy. It's going to look nuts. That's crazy. And now we got to hope this comes out. Because a lot of times these things, like, oh, my god, and then we're going to all whip up.

And it never, like, remember the Microsoft's double-sided tablet they were gonna have we could take stuff on one side and put it on the other never saw that yeah we're supposed to come out it was right when the iPad came out they came up with their version and it never came out they're taking pre-orders so really seems like pretty legit all right cool all right man that's great fucking hey I'm gonna check that out I like that look at fucking goddamn cash is clay Hi, man, hi, well that was a that's a tech talk if you guys have tech talk stuff If you guys have stuff that you want us to talk about semi links

YKWD at riotcast.com send us where we need to go tell us what you think we should be talking about and we'll maybe We'll actually use it on tech talk We need to go tell us what you think we should be talking about and we'll maybe we'll actually use it on tech talk. So make sure you do that. You guys are great. This has been another tech talk with Bobby and friends. Yes. I'm sorry Kelly.

Is that? Wow. Wow. I'm sorry. We started out loud. I did made it. That was too me. Dan.

Just like myself up. Dan. Dan. Dan. Dan. Dan. I'm sorry Kelly is that wow You didn't need to say that out loud into a microphone yeah recording on a podcast Come on let's do this all right. Let's do this hit the button fat boy I know what the fuck happened Dan. We rolling? What happened to this fucking show? It's a weird one. I hate it. Actually, this is a fun one.

It's fun. I blame Joe. I blame Joe Liss, maybe. I'm in the crowd supporting him. Yeah, he did. He did. I actually have to have back surgery from carrying this episode.

Oh! Goza fire! Goza fire! Goza fire! Goza fire! Mike's not on fire Joe's on fire Joe's on fire Mike's not on fire Mike's done I had first the biggest joke was great

It was a good one but I didn't I wasn't recording We were all fair I think my best stuff off there We should we're just reenacted He's a second half team Could you just pull the shirt down the sleeve down please We get it You want the gay guy to look over we get

Joe Joe in this room in this room as a gay man as a as a guy is comfortable with his gayness Is that rude to say that like that? Sounded me, you know, which guy would Christian What's the rating which guy would you fuck first second third of though? Listen listen? I want to know look at me. I want to know you're first second and third fuck in the room. Who do you go? Yeah? I'm I'm picking I'm telling I know that if Jesus I know if you go with me. It's because of some type of fetish Yeah, I am a sloppy bottom bear

I am a sloppy bottom bear. So I want to know seriously, in the room right now, look at all of us. Get on that microphone. Okay, let him on that microphone. All right, the three guys. Number one, number two, number three slot. In this room right now. I feel like that's terrifying. First of all, the cute Dominican kids out.

He's out. He's a person. He's a piece of ass. He's a hot piece of ass. I know first of all the cute Dominican kids out he's out Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course that's why he's out. He's pretty this is real. This is a real stretch I want to be number two entry Yeah, I'd fuck him. I'm not even gay. I'd fuck him. I just let's see his little fucking hairless asshole I think a little darker than the rest of his skin Look at my boy. Oh, yeah, it's how many he's you know, he's uncircumcised, but it's in a neat way I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think Well, you are here we go ready. I want number three number three number three. Just look around look around So much dick to choose from although wait till I stop smiling. I want to cover my Words feature dude I just live my lips

It's my worst feature dude. I just live my lips Look at me. I've got my fucking arm going on Dude, I'm fucking holding my breath for the last five seconds. Come on. Look at me look at me look at me look at me look around the room You shouldn't be in because you're in charge of like the panda eyes look at me It's like a beer. Oh, he's got tattoos. Yeah, number three. I'm number three. Yeah, fuck you all taking out. I'll take it. I thought I was out.

Exactly, exactly. Exactly because of that statement. Because you're not, I know you'll take it. Wow, just caught it. He just, he just fucking outed me. Keep in mind, I've had a few beers. You may have a chance. We all have a chance.

We can rape you. You've all got more chance than I do. All right, here we go. Who's next? I know who's next. I know who's next. You're going to go with Big Mike. No, Big Mike's number one.

Yeah! Big Mike's number one! Big Mike's number one! Big Mike's number one! Big Mike's number one! Of course, this might just lost the entire stuff, but okay. Hang on, was that only because of the biceps? Only because of the biceps.

Only because of the biceps. No, no, no, no, stop it. It's because of his face, his hair, his biceps, too. You couldn't get him. He is fucking gay. I mean, look at this outfit, his little fucking tight baggy jeans. His hair is mine. Is he mine number one?

Are you a number one? Oh, sorry Two shade My book kill you a number two two. Yeah, how about this how about this Joe your number three in my book I fucking Nate first Joe second and Danny boy third Four and I wasn't even there. That's because you hate yourself I was even there. That's because you hate yourself Linda you'd be first if you had a clock You do have you had a nice big black

So your top three were Mike Who's two who's two? To come on be honest to God honest to God to would probably be I'd say monster voice Just because of the lights are off I could pretend I'm with lots of different people Really The lights will be off the lights of me real off with all of us Nobody likes your fucking non-forums good for do your wrists and your elbows of the same size all the way down to each other Listen so you number you number two your number one mic and that makes you happy

Joe you're right? Okay, you played it a little bit Always the guinea pig never the bottom You alright? Yeah, you okay? Whatever. You played it a little bit. You just got to drive out. Joe, what's wrong? Joe, what's wrong? I always the guinea pig, never the bottom. What's wrong? What kind of fucking guinea pig? Oh my God.

How do you feel? I mean, you know, I would have liked to have been out there. You still got a family, dude. I think I have a Southern accent, anything that helps a lot. But I think it hurts in the gay world. I think maybe they don't like this Southern, I don't know, but it's like a ginship,

be against it. Like it's, you know. Southern accent is not a sexy thing in the gay world. Nobody likes that. They don't like this stuff, I don't know, but it's like a ginset me against it. Like it's, you know, Southern accent is not a sexy thing in the gay world. It's like what I do if you were mad at your father, except what you did made your father mad at you. And then, you know, that was a,

that was a joke. You know, there's a joke. Thank you, Joe, for putting me in there. I appreciate that. I know you didn't have to. You could, you could have, you could have went with Joe list.

I know that. Oh, you could have went with Nate. and you could have fought for that little Dominican But you threw me in third I appreciate I'm gonna make you proud. I'm gonna get back in a shape and make my ass worthy of fucking I'm gonna be number one someday. I'm gonna beat you Mike. I'm gonna come back and beat you beat you right off I beat you with your own diet. How about that? I know you did, fuck off. I quit smoking.

Anyway, here we go guys. Are we ready for this? Well, ask her. We're ready. Hang on, we're ready. We're right now, we're gonna go into, we're gonna critique Kelly Fistook as act, and we're gonna go over the Conan Smith

who's a great man of the business, my manager, great looking dude, always in a suit. He's your number one. We, oh yeah, for all of us. We're gonna go over this right now. So hang on. I like this.

I should have at least played the part where her name gets taken out of the bucket. I go. Yeah. Ah! We're gonna play the fire. Joe's on fire. Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. Oh

Where is that? I was like oh god So where are judges? Did they take it? Did they take a name out of a bucket? This is a show like this is a Oh man, I Kelly tell it set he's the best if I can keep on I'm sorry. He's still being a mic. I want to go off stage because I swore I did this thing with. Kelly, one second. Shut up. You're not getting out of this.

Listen to me. Look at me. Look at me, honey. Look at me. Set this up for us. Where are you? So I'm at the Creek in the Cave. Creek in the Cave, first of all.

I've never played this, but it's supposed to be a good place. Good place to go. All right, good place. And you're at the Creek in the Cave. You have a show there. What show is it, you know? No, my show. No, this isn't my show. This is another show that I've booked on specifically to taperset. Okay,. What show is it you know? No my show no this isn't my show

This is another show that I've booked on specifically to tape us that okay, so what show is it because your shows don't good? Can we not can we not murder her? Can we just slowly cut her a little bit? Let's slowly get into this you fucking animal to the show show sucks My show is underbelly is like one of the two shows that it sells out. Because you have AIDS and you're going to die. It's not a walkie. Because I don't fucking like it. All right, listen, so what is the show?

This was a show that doesn't go on anymore. It's called Mixed Type. And they book us. All right, that's enough. That's enough. OK, so this is to tape shows. And you're on here to take a set to tape. Yeah.

And this was how long ago, six years ago? Three months ago. Three months ago. Three months ago. All right, we're at three months ago. Here you come. It's coming in. Kelly Fistook, everybody. Hit the button.

Oh, boy. Creek and the Kay. Hey, everybody. How you doing? Don't well. Yeah? Great. Oh, great.

Oh, yeah. That's my crowd. Well done. I am Australian, settle down. We're okay Some people like they hear me speak and it's like I'm in a different language And I don't know how to act they're like Can you stop it for one second?

Stop it for put pause one second shut your face. Is there a crap? Is there audience there? Yeah, but they're not mocked up because it's one of those guys that has that I think they held We're mocked up because- It's one of those guys that has the- I don't know, I think they held you. We're miked up, so- Where they all hold you. This is awful. There was like 30 people there, wasn't it? Oh, so there is people here.

30 people. 30 is good as a get to New York. 30. 30. Yeah. The seller's gonna say more than 30 people. She said 30 people like that's not a lot. That's a lot of people.

Yeah, and then more like that. Yeah, 30 is crazy indeed. All right, so they're not lot of people. That's banana. Yeah, that's crazy. 30 is crazy indeed. So they're not Mike. So you can. Well, I know eventually, then when I do a two- Listen, this isn't a comedy central taping. We get it.

So you haven't done a joke yet on a tape that you're going to be sending the people to get work? It's like 20, 15 seconds in. Nate sends a joke in the email. I let him, I ease him in. I have a warm, I don't let him in. OK, so why don't we just read the first, I'm gonna go through this little step by step. The first note from Conan Smith

was a, okay, we get it. You're Australian. Mm hmm. What does that mean? Well, that means like, she says I'm Australian. Basically, yeah, you're Australian. We get it. You don't really need to do that you can just be a comic what he's saying which which I disagree with it we can we can

disagree well so let's play the joke we have to do the joke great and dark that was just like it the fucking but that's all good rift thanks for coming out guys I am Australian I live in the city now and I just go back from Australia because I went and visited my family over there I had to go Thanks for coming out guys, I am Australian, I live in the city now and I just got back from Australia

because I went and visited my family over there, I had to go there for a birthday, my birthday, I turned 30, oh boy! God damn, that hit you right in the gullet, doesn't it? Oh boy! But I don't listen, I don't mind getting older. That's okay. What I do mind is people older than me telling me how fucking good it is Because I don't believe you shut your dumb face. Okay, I know stop stop. There we go stop There's people I heard them. Yeah, I heard that there is life. They're leaving Kelly I'm turning your mic down because I can't hear you go. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy.

Oh boy. Oh boy. The James Smith know about this. Did you clear this with James Smith? You clear with James Smith? I think he is the exact same. All right, here we go. Hit play.

Go to watch. It's like, don't you love it? Don't you love it? Isn't it great? You play with James Smith, because I think he is the exact same. All right, here we go. Hit play. Good it was. It's like, don't you love it? Don't you love it? Isn't it great? Isn't it great, Ken older? Good for you.

Good girl. Good for you, girl. Get an older. Embrace your face. Good girl. Well done. Good for you. How good for you.

Good girl. I should mention now that I can only do an American accent when I stand like a complete asshole. Well, it's nothing about I just channel Midwestern stuff. Come on kids getting a car. Let's go. Come on. We'll go on camping. All right. We'll go on camping. But I had this one woman. I had this one woman and she's like isn't it great? Don't you feel the same way that you felt when you were 15? Don't you feel that way when you were 15? I'm like yeah, I still feel the same way I felt when I was 15. I'm still ashamed of my body Kelly shut me positive

Posit Kelly I have to go for shut you to the end first Joe. Oh, yeah Kelly are you still riffing? I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. I know. Kelly. I know this. Kelly. Kelly. Kelly. Wait.

Stop it. Don't get angry. Well, I can't help it. Why can't you get? You can help it. You have to do the suddeny thing. You have to do the suddeny thing. You have to do the suddeny I can't, you can't. You can help it. You haven't even said anything. You haven't said anything in either of you.

Yeah. But, but Lizard, you're possible for the first. I thought you were giving the feedback. All right, here's the feedback, ready? Talk, talks about getting old. And she gets caught up doing a soccer mom voice that goes on too long. Okay.

That's a regular voice. That's a regular voice. That's a regular voice. That's a... Okay. Then there's the gatekeeper and the keymaster. The specific will probably... So you have one waiting till the joke. We haven't got to the joke yet.

So you haven't got to the joke yet. And he's... I guess his thing is right. You keep going on and on. So this is good advice. Shorten it up a little bit. Get right to the joke. Right? Get to this joke. So hit the button. Let's get to the joke. All right, let's go.

Okay. All right. All right. When I was 15, I was wearing glasses and getting pimples. Right. And now I'm 30. I'm still wearing glasses. And I'm still getting fucking pimples. Right. Only now, I have the added bonus of wrinkles wrinkles Pimples and wrinkles should never meet Funny, they just never meet that is like the gangkeeper and the keymaster coming together That's funny Need a ghost paradox to just I don't know blow up the city or just at least puts a mist in the air So look nice in some photos. Hit them stop please pimples and wrinkles great. I'm in total First of all,

that was a fucking compliment. He said that he's his hands. Pimples and wrinkles. Let's try to keep this fucking legit here, okay? Here, that's the joke. He said the key master joke. He said, here I go. Thank you, man.

No! He knows funny, he just said when you read that, a minute ago, the key master thing. I didn't know, like it's funny. You said when you read that go minute ago the keymaster thing I didn't know like it's just funny to hear work gate listen up It was a five of us make a combined hundred thousand dollars a year. So that's like Listen listen listen here's a kill. I think that no, but he's right. I mean that's a good That's not a bad joke. No Look at wrinkles and zit should never meet. That's a fucking good joke. I mean, a good premise.

Prremus. It's become a stutter. I'm trying. I don't want to be mean. To be mean. All right, you son. I know. You jet, no, I'm kidding.

No, I'm just kidding. It's a good joke. I mean, but he's right son. I know. You jet, no, I'm kidding. No, I'm just kidding. It's a good joke. I mean, but he's right. Conan's right so far. It goes, get to that fucking joke. So we've already spent a couple minutes, I'm Australian, which there's no joke there. It's like, get over it.

You don't need to say that. So he's right. I don't agree with that. You're thinking, all she says is I'm Australian. You're saying, you're Australian. She can say I'm Australian. She can say I'm Australian, but get to a joke about it. Yeah, yeah, she can say I'm all Australian like that's done. I got like that's not a I've done it before where I'd refuse to say it. Yeah, I've done it to you

Do say it four times. I know well that I'm Clubs they get really confused because they're staring at me and they're lost and they don't come with me if I don't say it I'll tell you now. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. I just get there. Yeah.

Joe, can you guys back up? I'm sorry. I'm not American. You're fucking anti-American, aren't you, Mike? No, I think you're right. I mean, you say that you're a civilian, but you do say it for fucking times. But you can say it. All right, you redneck.

We get it. You have an accent, too. I'm from the South. I'm from the South. I'm from the United. I've had people sit there and in the middle of a joke, they will go where are you from? They will just yell that at me. In the middle of it, in the middle,

I'm like not even talking about it. I was imagining Nate's like, and then the difference between the economy. Where the hell are you from? That's because they hear a red neck accent, but they see a British face. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. Yeah. All right, so basically, you're the first couple of minutes, you know, get the fuck into it. Right? I mean, does this sound bad? I mean, you're already performing in front of your friends at this anyway to bring your show. Is it a bring your show? No, but I did bring people in because I wanted to try and get a good tape.

Because I had to try and get a good tape. No! Because I had to invite people. You okay, mate? I just swallowed the bug. Alright, go ahead, hit play. Now, we're going to go through this. So, don't fuck. Kelly, do not talk.

I moved here about a year and a half ago, but had to take a job as a waitress when I first moved here. I would pay the rent. That was shit. Thank you, New York City. Living the mother fucking dream. Who's dream, not one. But I don't mind where I work because it is a very family-oriented restaurant. We had a lot of families and kids, which I don't mind.

I love kids. But I started to have a bit of a gutful of mothers coming into the restaurant that I work at. And telling me that their kid is allergic to nuts. It's very serious issue. I don't believe him. I didn't know this would be edgy. I don't know.

He just doesn't know to make their kids down more interesting, right? Because the reality is that kids just is boring as me. Okay, because I didn't have a fancy nut allergy growing up. Like the only two things I was ever allergic to was like sport and making friends, okay? I've never got as a way. And it's one moment she can't want to mean. She's like, and punch lines.

Yeah. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. His silence is awful. It's an awful, awful silence. Hey, what about this? When you say, yeah, I'm living the dream. Someone else's dream. You should get specific who's dream. That would be a funny place for a joke. I'm living the dream. Someone else's dream.

I'm living the dream of a one-on-allon... I think, I'm going to say a joke. I think, I think, I'm going to say it. Can you put the idea in my head? I'd like to write my self. No, I'm not. That's the thing that needs to get into this joke. The problem is you are going to write it yourself. That's the thing he needs to get in this joke. The problem is you are gonna write it yourself that

Conan just wrote me yes take that joke Joe to promise I was too excited on that ball. I listened to me. Listen to me. You could sit, you could make it like an anti-gauge. I was allergic to knots and then, you know, funny it up somehow. No, I appreciate it, Joe. I get what you mean. About me, you appreciate my idea. But I need to come up.

I need to. She just brushed you off. I would have her joke. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it.

I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did is brust you all. I would have her joke, but I'm a kid. Oh, I didn't. I'm talking to the talker in.

You can't. I don't know what. Why do you want me to say? I take it from the fucking Joe too. Joe's been killing. Nice. No, I don't want Joe to give me a joke. You've been cocky ever since you've been the top fucking the room.

But there's nothing wrong with getting a tag, getting some help, why would you resist that? Because he's gonna put an idea of the joke in my head. That's what I mean, I am. That's what we do. That's what we do. You're gonna let go. No, no, no, I can't. You make it into your voice.

No, I need to learn myself how to do it my own way. So it's my voice. If he says it, it's always his joke. You're not gonna get anywhere. Can I just stop for a second? That's what I do with it. We help each other. I've had friends of mine give me little tags or things

or you should say this or that. And I'm like, dude, I want that. Can I take it a choice? I do. I just think cook coming. I was always gonna be here. That's why I'm coming. He's not coming.

Sorry. It's not happening. I was told Chris Rock. He would have been number one. He would have been all 10. Oh God, if he show you'd love it When you that's why you're here that it might happen. He's trevid up thinking about it. I'm yeah, it's not gonna happen. No Dan Dan looks like ten cooks retarded brother

Yeah, I've heard better out of you Really I'm having a lousy show too. He doesn't look anything like Darryl I'm having a lousy show too. He doesn't look anything like Darrell. Oh! Let's take that out. It's going to be come back. It's going to be the... Hey, welcome back to the Jo list.

You know what, dude? It's my podcast. I'm having one else quit. How did you get your foot not to move? Like this. Disconstruction. All right, here we go. But you need it back to the point you need to take tags

when people offer them. Yeah. Because that's what we do. We make each other better right, here we go. But back to the point, you need to take tags when people offer them. Yeah. Because that's what we do. We make each other better. Yeah, we do. And this is the only time we're going to watch your set. I don't know if you've seen me, but I'm usually drinking. Kelly, you got to take advice or help from your friends

as you do. I understand what you're saying. You're at the point right now where you're like, I want to do it. I want to fucking be good on my own. Thank you for what you gave me You gave me the direction to go and let me go down the direction. Yeah, you're accepting that you just don't want the actual bit Yeah, I want yeah, because I take that was a great one No, that's I had to stop joke because he was like you should explore this and I'm like and my heads are really working going

Okay, how can I do that if he gives me the joke? I'm always gonna think of Joe's joke. I'm never yeah,- Yeah, but it doesn't matter. It's not Joe's joke. We're comics. We're helping each other. I'm not trying to write the joke. I'm just saying, it's like you say a joke, but then don't do it. I'm living someone else's dream. To me, that's like a setup of a joke that you don't do. I'm living someone else's dream.

Well, who's dream? That's a laugh. All right, there you go. And Joe is fucking fired. I call Joe the doctor. That's what it does. It was one of the sweetest things anyone's ever sent to me. We should make love some fun.

All right, let's go. Hit the button. of the sweetest things anyone's ever said to me. We should we should make love some fire Let's go hit the button hit the if you guys start fucking I'm quitting I'm quitting the big you know much rich material. We're gonna have him giving a piece I don't know even what they call him in Australia like Vegemite they got little love skabs Big skabs We get the Vegemite out of the fridge place is they're really Vegemite. Yeah got little love skips. I got dick skips. I did not get dick skips. Will you get the Vegemite out of the fridge, please? Is there really a Vegemite?

Yeah, do you like it? No. Get it out. Oh, go ahead, hit the button. Hit a bread, but Jeremy's definitely allergic to nuts. Can we make sure there's no nuts on any of the bread? I'm like, well, not a bread on the normal bread. It's all made in the same barrel.

So I don't know. You were gambling, girl? You don't want your kids to make you die. Let's order something else. But she didn't get it. She didn't get it. She kept ordering stuff. They clearly had nuts in it.

What about their pistachio tart? I'm like, no. If it was really allergic, you would know that. It's a severe allergy. So now I am making it impossible for her to order anything. Because I just wanted to admit it and just fucking say it, just admitting it's not allergic to it. And she's like, you know what, this is really hard. Maybe we'll just get an orange juice instead.

And I'm like, no, we keep Snickers bars and all of our orange juices. Try again. Snickers have nuts in it. And then she came to me. She came. She was like, you know what? Listen, we're just going to get that basket of bread. It's just that we don't want to see any nuts. Of course, all right.

This nut bit is crazy. That's not what allergies work. It's true. I got an inch. It's a nut chunk. You can't say to somebody, you know what? I will fuck you without a condom because I can't know where allergies work. I got an inch. It's a nut job. You can't say to somebody, you know what? I will fuck you without a condom because I can't see aids. That's a good joke, do you?

Yeah. I didn't want to stick with that stuff works, you know what I mean? I even had like tipping blows in my mind as well, because in Australia, they don't tip because we get a couple of minutes. I had to stop one second. It's good. I would love this too long. I would love if this was Dan's bit like from she stole Melvin along with it going

She like you do after every audition that you don't get Like I and I then I just spit in her food. Yeah, it's good It's I think you know your mother thing so he's sure so to remedy the whole thing I just spit in her food. Yeah, it's good. I think it's all your other things. So to remedy the whole thing, I just spit in our food. I didn't want to see any nuts. Yeah, I didn't want to see any nuts either, but I ran into you, you fucking maniac. That's a good line. So you could take that.

Here's the thing you don't understand, Kelly. In America, it's okay. If one of your friends goes, you gotta, this is a good line for you joke. That line, you could take and put it, yeah, I've got, I've got lines from Nortonorton is a couple of things that I've gotten from Norton The stuff Quinn will come up to you after your show Do you got to say this I'd say that of this good line? How about this Jerry Seinfeld's bit about public speaking fear of public speaking

Yeah, they'd rather be in the coffin than giving the eulogy. Yeah, that's a Nick DePolo. Oh shit That's what we do legendary Seinfeld. You're sitting around so worried that we're not laughing. We're comics. We're not gonna laugh at your shit. Yeah, we're gonna go. This is comics laughing. Ready? It's good bit. That's funny. That's what it is. If someone says that's funny, that's a laugh. I think it's just we haven't said that yet. Yeah, but we will say if we do I said it at the face. We will say Joe was making. I it should be it's too the only dude's too long if you cut out That should be like a much shorter bit and then it would be good. Yeah, it's just so long It's like yeah, but she had to stretch it was a six-minute set Yeah, she had 18 people there

What is kind inside? He said quit the business Yeah, all right. It said working at the restaurant, nut allergy could be stronger. She again relies on doing a mom accent. That thing you do, which I kind of agree with. Hello, you, you, you. I don't know.

You could do it. If that joke was shorter, I don't think I'm that stuff you would in that stuff you would have said here's the deal out a lot of that middle But I don't think you need to do the accent unless you're gonna be that if that's your type of comic You don't need to do that the same midwestern accent a Soda type of comic It's a lot of voices a lot of bells and whistles a lot of here's the mark And now here's the baby Yeah, just get to the joke faster. Yeah, I just learned that Nate aren't friends Listen do to my accent please move it anyway. I'm saying that you your accent Kelly

You could do a different accent. Okay, you know what I mean? Yeah, but you but also the jokes fun I like the joke. I think what are you doing? You can't whisper on a pod. Can we spot the fuck? Dummy. The mics are on. We still hear you kinda. Oh, yeah. I literally just heard everything.

Yeah, what did they say? What did they say? You were talking about the honest joke from the roast. Yeah, it was a good one. That's good. I'm glad you guys ended this. I'm gonna say it. He said, we're just doing what we would normally do

if she was on stage talking to each other. No. No. This is, this is, this is, He said we're just doing what we would normally do if she was on stage talk to each other Did you become so vicious? He's got to get it all out got it cuz over buddy stuck in a nice and a baby. Yeah, I won't get a day You know what he he actually says is this pit needs to be tighter That's exactly his thing this pit needs to be tighter I know that says this bitch needs to be tired exactly as this bit needs to be tighter. Oh no, this bitch needs to be tighter. Sorry.

That's true from you already, Jerry. You talking about my sagittutes in my body? Oh boy. You just get in. I think you should fuck them just to prove a point. I'm playing and I want to say something. Can I just say something? I don't know if you guys know this.

But Kelly came down Saturday night to the comedy seller, dressed up. She had a dress on with tights and she had makeup her hair was down. I think she showered. I wouldn't go that far. Well, all right, well, she was gonna face in a sink. Quarter weekend show.

She's gonna truck stop shower. Yeah, she cleaned her pits. She's splashing it on her. You love my pits, Bobby. I do. I'd fuck your pits. I would, the only part of you that I'd fucking turns around, you'd pit, I'd fuck it and lick it. Hello, Bobby Kelly

The insulting and you take it as a compliment The only part of being a protracted is your armpit and you're like this. Yeah You sure know how to talk to a lady. I'm giving you pearls for your act and you're mad at me He says everything about you is unattractive except for your armpits and you're like You took it the wrong way I had to sit I can't I can't an armpit is not cheating by the way Really are you sure it's not cheating. It's not a vagina or an ass and look at but it looks like one of your mushy together All right, listen, yeah, she looked fucking Red it she showed up everybody turned around like oh, hey, I mean everybody knew Kelly and even known the owner

She was like I'm gonna go he's like no sit down sit down. He's like okay. She sat down at the comics table Per request of known the owner and he was like sit out and she she was hanging out because she dalled up a little bit She used what she had instead of showing up looking like a fucking dirty Australian boy With a backpack she actually dolled herself up a little bit. You're saying is no jokes get your tits Don't I'm saying I'm saying you use you should dress up a little bit Don't try to get saturday. It's gonna be like just grab it on stage with some fucking elegant down I'm saying that it you, you're pretty girl. You could actually doll up a little bit.

Thank you, Barbie. Thank you. Right? Yeah, this is making you uncomfortable. No, it's very nice. Thank you. Listen, you're a pretty girl. All right, hit the button.

Now, let's get back to your shitty act. I'm kidding. This, the last bit is actually a good bit. You should. The tipping, and we have a little tourist that came in as well and I had this German couple right. A German couple came in. $49 check. $49 bucks. They gave me, they put it in my hand a $50 note and they said, there you go. That's for your good job. Well done. Can we stop? Can we stop please? Is that the soccer mom doing a German?

Is that supposed to doing a German? Is the soccer mom still in this bit? Is that just your stage character? How long is this nut job? Also, what's a $50 note? I'm not familiar with that. Yeah, I got changed. Is that a bill? Oh, this bitch. She must... She must the soccer mom. with that. Yeah, I got changed. Is that a bill?

She's having mushed she mushed the song of mom and fuck it. Some other shit accent. What what what a German accent? Dan Gau. It's just the German accent. It's not dying of angry. So if she... He's unbelievable. Can you please press play again? Let me hear you German accent again. He's in believe. Can you please press play again? Let me hear you German accent again It's a tall is not us for you What you could say Like a dollar Here we go, it's real nice. They gave me like put it in my hand a fifty dollar note

And I said there you go. That's it for your good job. Well done. I don't know what that is That's like when I'm that's like in a movie where they have to have an accent from ages ago and they just create a fake one. Yeah it's kind of Scandinavian. Yeah it's a little Dutch. I thought it was a little Dutch. You got Dutch. A little Dutch. A little Amsterdam. Little smokes and weed. Get your dick suck from 50 notes. 50 notes. It's like me, bro. Get some Charlie. Alright right, here we go. Press the play. Listen, let's get through this. I'm sweating. One percent of the check you're tipping me for doing a good job.

I wanted to beat them to death with their own history. That's a good joke. Come on, Germany. We're not going to forget what happened. All right. Because the do you think? It's all up here. He's all up here.

Nate, relax. I can't wait. Words. If that joke, stop. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I? It's all up here. He's all up here. Nate, relax.

I got you. Words. If that joke, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop. If that joke doesn't work, you should tag it with Hitler's laughing in heaven right now. I bet Hitler's in heaven. That's good.

That's good. What about it? That's good. Because that'll get another groan. I don't need to be like, can you just like, if Hitler, I bet Hitler tips him. Can I don't get another grown. And you just like if hit that bit of Hitler tips. And can I just can you? Can you explain what you just said to her why that makes sense? As they're already groaning. So

then you say Hitler's laughing in heaven. And then it'll make them grown more. And all that sometimes that breaks them into going. Fuck and I read him over the head with we got it. You understand? What's trying to help? No, I know. She goes into the tipping bit, no transition. Instead of saying $50 note, she should say $50 bill. Conan's pretty on the money right now. All right, little things like that will help

endure her to the audience. I have a hard time saying in dear and audience in the same sense. So I had to go, endure to the audience. You don't hear that along Well, he meant This cocks I got I can't wait to leave I Can't either we've been here for seven hours That's not that long since I have here we go all right, we're closer

I'm in minutes weird on her bit here like it exists in my world but it's something else like I work I used to work with this girl who is this beautiful Latino girl she was great right and I one day she looked me up and down and looked at my ass and she was like, look at you girl, you're thick. I think, all right come from, is someone who's you thick, that means your dumb is dog shit, right? I'm like, I got dyslexia, that's kind of serious, okay.

And I was like, I got a bit offended, I was like, don't call me stupid. And she was like, oh man, I'm not calling you stupid, stupid. Okay, great, that's good. Like what I'm saying is like, you know, like you're a big girl. You know, you got legs, you got an ass. Sock her mom's back. Yeah.

Is there a compliment coming here somewhere on the way? No, there's not if we keep listening to sex. I stopped, stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop, stop, stop. It is fucking evil. We made this period. We need Nate in this world. I mean, who the fucking lord?

We need Nate. I'm a cow. I'm a South. I wouldn't do accents. Like, not to be, I'm not trying to be, there's no read, like, you don't have to do, you know. Well, I can't, I mean, I'm not saying you can do them better than me, but I can't do them.

Well, here's the thing, Kelly, is that you're doing these accents, and if you're gonna, you put your headphones on, if you're gonna do them, you should fucking do them. If you're gonna do a fucking accent, do it. Learn how to, that's your job. Your job is, if you're gonna do accents, if you're gonna do impressions,

if you're gonna tell a story, if you're gonna write jokes, that's your job. Try to do it as best as you can. You can't just fucking do a German kind of fucking accent. Cause what you do when you do that, is you take me out of the fucking movie. Okay. You know the movie Bridesmaids?

Yeah. Remember the fucking cop with the accent? Yeah, the Scottish cop. Yeah. Yeah. All they did in this one time they mentioned that what's up with this with the accent? Yeah, the Scottish cop. Yeah, they all they did, and this is one time they mentioned that what's up with this fucked up accent? I was okay with a version of movie.

That's all you have to do. Is give me the information to make it okay in my head. If you just say, if you do an accent that doesn't make sense, I'm gonna go, what the fuck was that? I'm not coming back. But if you even said, I can't do fucking, even have, there you go, I know, fucking German accent. I don't know what the fuck that was. I can't do accents It would make it okay for me to hear that shit accent. I normally have a line that I forgot to do and that is um

How do you forget to do it you have eight minutes? How do you forget to do anything I forgot I have three hours of material I have the excuse of maybe forgetting a bit. How could you forget to do that all right? All right, that didn't go over. Apparently people are preaching and people are listening. I want to hear from you. I get only naked being one. I want to hear the line you forgot.

I said, after I do the bad accent, I'm like, that's four years of drama school in an accent. That cost $50,000. Perfect. If you said that, I would have been like, great. You would have made it OK to okay that shitty, awful accent. That's what you gotta do. You gotta make sure, never to forget that ever again.

I know. So basically, all in all, she is a light, okay. So we covered it, okay? That's pretty much the set. I didn't watch the wrist. No, we're done it. Because I'm literally losing energy as we speak. I feel like I'm catching the flow.

I feel like I suck the funny energy guys. You're right. You didn't suck, listen. This is an interesting thing. You didn't suck the, we've all been there. I feel like I suck the funny energy guys. You. You didn't suck. Listen, this is an interesting thing. You didn't suck the, we've all been there. I mean, haven't let you do that. Ruh. That's our happens too.

This is bad. You're funny all in your tic, is that all? Ah. Ah. Ah. I just get it. Kelly's on fire. Kelly's on fire.

Kelly. Kelly. You can't do that on fire, Chandler. Doesn't get a laugh. I got a laugh. You can't do that on fire, Chandler doesn't gonna laugh. I got a laugh. I got a, I got it. We can do it with her, right? She's a girl.

She just took a beat her. Yeah, she just took a kick and a bone. I can barely move. I can only get off the ground, Joe. You made a cock-sucking joke. You got a fucking matter. I can't even fucking matter. I can't fucking.

She wins. She moved it. Before she could from her home to to do comedy and we're telling her it's not good. So, give her... In front of one of her friends. Hey, fool out, get your fool out of one of her closest friends. Hey, how about it for Nate for getting geography almost correct?

That was pretty impressive. How about Joe's not even defending her? Hey, Joe's just nodding his head. Joe's like, hey, we're better be a soda again. I've told him when she left. He said the same thing about the jamming one. They were James Smith is already out there, so it's a waste of time.

The Australian. Yeah. All right, he said, all in all, this is his final notes. So he's pretty much on the money, right? OK, all in all, she is his final notes. So he's pretty much on the money, right? Yeah. Okay, all in all, she's likable on stage and she just needs to keep, needs to keep referring her bits to see what works and what doesn't. Only stage time will make this occur.

She really needs to have a plan for whatever she, whatever set she is doing and hopefully a through line to keep the audience. She needs to remember set up punch tag. That's true. You're going up there. You have you have the setup, you have the premise, and you have the tag or the punch line here and there, and you have these tags but they're not boom, boom, boom. It's not together. It's too spread apart. It's like the explosion view on video games with the Wow, okay. It's like that eight minutes should be four minutes. Yeah, just tighten the joke. Really? I like to go one another and he's saying the stage

time thing because you're not going to know what's funny enough to make it unless you do what you do record. Do you record? Do you do a lot of spasicy? What works and what doesn't and then you record your sets? You do? Everyone. Yeah. You should should and she listen to them Okay, she once she works Her material into that formula set up punch tag she could do well PS I'd fuck her I like the I like the gasp of inappropriateness Yeah, from everybody

I like the gasp of inappropriateness. Yeah, from everybody, by the way. What the fuck? That was a head to me. Kelly, I'll look on the black. He's fucking Dominican. It's a weird thing. That's so crazy. Nate'll get mad at you.

Nate'll get mad at me. That is, you keep calling him black. I love how Nate depends on me, but doesn't depend on Kelly at all. No, no, no, no. Why'd you just get a accent? Don't forget Kelly. Oh, la la la. I love out Nate the friends me, but doesn't the friend Kelly at all no No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Oh Mike's on fire I think listen I think that this is good for you though. Yeah, it is. It's great that you look it We all look wouldn't this is not good. There's no way that's gonna this is the worst thing ever. I feel terrible This was not good. She didn't learning for this this is the most brutal thing in the world to go through She didn't learn nothing at the end of like you just probably got a record just said we didn't help her at all

We said it's too long. It's not funny. None of it is Listen listen, I'm gonna explain why you learn your lesson and then to throw me down the stairs. You made everybody trasher, then you gave, then you made a manager, someone she's in the industry that she needs. And you go, hey, will you judge this comic that in no way should be sending you a tape to be moved by? I didn't, he offered.

He's a fan of the show. And he said, look, I'll take a look at it and give her some legitimate advice. I'll give her some, listen, when I first got into the business, if someone came to me and go, look, I'll give you legitimate advice. Instead of just being out there

and fucking learning it and having to go through it, somebody said, look, I'm gonna watch you set. Now, I'll give you legitimate advice what I think you should do. You can take it and leave it. and then around five of fucking really funny guys that are in the business Said yeah, we'll listen to you and we'll help you out to we'll honestly We'll honestly fucking listen to your shit and tell you what we think not only did you give her a bunch of jokes a bunch of Fucking setups. This is fucking reality. We cannot watch her and just fucking we don't give a shit You really are not you really could have been glad handed and we could have been like

Which which fucking comics do all the time? I was trying to tell you there's no L.A. It's I like that actually wait. That's cuz you're moving there. You fucking sell out. He's he trashed L.A Yeah, you didn't listen. No. Sorry. Yeah. I'm just defending Mike I was on the side. I'm just defending Mike, because he's stocking in barrel chess that's like me. Not I'm sorry. And the number one fuck.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm gonna say this right now. I put you on this podcast. I never heard one of your fucking jokes. I didn't know if you were funny. I didn't know to get on if you have. What I'm saying is, is that you're here because you are, I think you're funny on the show. And now I've seen, I've listened to your set. I see the potential in you. I see, look at the fact that you came up with that joke about the nuts. I see it. I understand it. It's there.

Now you had somebody and a bunch of your friends and some of them not your friends. Tell you, look, you just got to shorten shit up, tighten it up, get some punch lines, get to the tags, and make shit a little tighter. That's fucking, who the fuck gets that? I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. know. I know. I know. I know. know. I know. I. know. I. I. I know. I don't know what he does. That's an LA move right there. That's a perfect fucking. Whoa.

Watch your mouth about Kyle Seas. We're my new best friend. We're starting a podcast. Yeah, I think I'm just going to start a podcast and a fucking living well group. We wouldn't help the Dominican kid. We're not going to solicit this. Yeah, nobody. We don't even acknowledge his race.

They've got to weigh in. He's got to weigh in your path to the top. Thank you, Linda. And this is the last time we're ever gonna mention it. Now here you go. You're done. I think you're funny. I've listened to your comedy. I think you're a funny guy.

Girl. Oh, there we go. And I'm gonna bring you, when I next time I have a gig I Think you're a funny guy We got a re-print on this really like the fuck my wife wrote this I'm bringing next time I do bananas or a club around here. You're you're gonna be the MC You're coming with me. Yeah, you can't have you get middle-edged feature. Yeah, you're gonna be the MC. MC? You're coming with me.

Yeah, you're not. You can't handle it. You get middle in feature. No, I'm like, Joe's gonna go on. Yeah. Thank you, Bob. There's a bit called a build. Yeah.

I'd love for you to middle for me. Following you would be a dream. No, thank you, everyone. I know, I know everyone's like, you should know me that, but I'm in a very good, because Nate said it too, like, you know, she moved around the world and whatever. But I'm in a very good, because Nate said it too, like, you know, she moved around the world and whatever. But I'm in a good position to have these guys,

like, you know, like, I don't want to say I'm like an asshole, but you guys look some of the funniest people I know. And then the fact that you guys, you know, give me a beating, it's, you know, it's helpful. Don't get from me. Take it from a mediocre joke writer who does a lot of voices, you'll be okay.

Well, here it is. Dude, you just started getting good in the last couple years. Yeah. Yeah, you've been here. How long you been in the city? Good. Almost six years. Six years.

Six years. Last two weeks, pretty decent. And this is a constant evolution of getting funny. It takes around 20-something years to actually mash to the shit, find your voice, and be able to go on stage after anybody and be fucking funny. You're at the beginning stages and you're in a new country and you're a woman. Everything is against you.

Everything's against you. How long have you been in comedy? Oxoibo will be five years. Well, I say two. I mean, I mean, living in the city of Michigan. What's up? What's up? What's up?

What's up? What's up? You should do it here. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Nice to hear you. Oh, yeah, you should hear you. Nice to meet you. I started 96. Shut up. Shut up. I mean, you know, it's a huge, no, it's August, two years. So I like to say maybe two years. Since you've been in New York, that's still

going lower than that. Kelly, you're going to be fine. I think you're funny. You just got to keep working on it. And let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Nobody, this, this broad works, man. She shows the fuck up all day long, all day long. Every day, I don't know, let me tell you something. This motherfucker works. I have to hype because this was the worst thing ever to do to someone. No, I don't think it was bad. I think it was good.

I think it was good. You're funny. I think you're funny. The potential is there. You're just going to keep working on your shit. That's all. Take the notes. There you go.

Fuck you. We could do this with all of our sets. You could put one of my fucking sets up here and rip it apart. I'm not the best. I'm fucking not. No, I'm saying you are. You're welcome to it apart. I'm not the best. I'm fucking not. Or if I- No, I'm saying you're. You're welcome to that one.

I'm sorry. I'm sick. I can see the stuff on top of the roof. I'm literally trying to put the sharks in front of me right now and get them away from yelling. I'm just open to the ocean. That's what I tried to do too, but she had a cricket noise. That's true.

That's true. That's true. I know. That is true. I'm sorry, that was pretty funny. I don't know how to lie about this at all. Yeah, she always got the memory of a Sicilian mob boss. Oh, the Irish have better memories than the Italians. Come on.

I think, I mean, look, you could take any one of us at the beginning of our career. Jesus Christ, you were all like jokes, fucking.. You could also call the first five years the beginning, I guess. Yeah, five years in Boston. I mean, I was killing it in Boston. And then I moved to New York and I really kind of just killed it here too. I just got into the seller. It took me three weeks to get weekends here at the seller, whatever the thing is that was the 80s Was in the 80s it took me it took was in the fucking 80s. It was the early 90s Past Oh, you had a good one guy

What's not gonna make I'm gonna say it now. Let's do it. What's not gonna make sense? I know you're not fucking jokes enough to know that I'm being sabotaged. That's second time. I mean, it's the third time. I'm being sabotaged for the third fucking time. What are you doing?

It's the beat. Joe, come up here. Bobby wants to see you. Fucking list. Fuck's his way on. If you're gonna do an accent, please. That one. We can get an accent.

Yeah, I'm not doing it on my accent. That was your life, Leon. You're not even Mick Jagger invited Joe up to the accent. Yeah, I'm not doing it on my act. That was my livelihood. You make Mick Jagger invite a Joe up to the studio. Whatever. I don't do it on stage. More people are going to hear it here than they would if they watched you on stage. Yeah. I made that.

Yeah. Oh, fuck that shit. Fuck that shit. Yeah. Who here's doing shows with 30,000 people? You're? Dane Cook. The podcast is done on 30,000 people. How's the podcast. He's done 30,000 people. I've done them. What's most 30,000 my fucking ass?

20,000 in the round. I've done. I did 20, but it wasn't my show. I did. Yeah, nobody literally. I walked out. I heard a lot of who. Those are booze. Never got booed. That was funny. Never got booze. Don't ever don'thmm. Those are booze. Never got booed. That was funny. Never got booed. Don't ever, don't ever threaten me with booze. It's right there.

It's right there. That's the thing. He makes him slip. That makes you slip for some reason. Don't say booze. Don't say booze. Yeah. I was framed on the part of the book.

My father was booed. I'm afraid of ghosts. Get it? Boo. Oh, jeez. All right. Do you say snow book? Yeah. Oh, it takes Mike some time to war up. Get it boo Different It takes Mike some time to walk

I'm in it. Two hours Mike's gonna like with a shot at the buzzer. Yeah We have three minutes left of this podcast Mike actually says a good one The someone of Nome's guitar did someone just rockactic you might want to tell people who he is again Mike Is somebody old roommate of Dan soda and was on last comic standing and did special Special did what somebody just like my My husband we have and he did one of the Fies tonight shows ever when you just laughed it you did a Mr. Roper after a Fingertown he looked down and laughed and looking the camera, I know it was a good one. We got to sell it. No, you don't. You just have

to say it and then they laugh. You know, fucking doing ginsers. Damn. Wow, I suck today. Yeah, I love I lose with the best part too. You guys just stare at me. You do. You're looking at me like fucking little little I got nothing. Well look at you like the host of the show. Yeah. Yeah. If the show was in the 90s. Oh. Oh, my gosh.

That's the mount. Nice to see you. Two steps forward, one step back. That's what it is. That's my stain right there. Mike, two steps forward, one step back, Vecchio. They just reviewed the tape and his foot was on the line. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Jesus Christ. Ah. He doesn't give a shit. He's number one of fucking Joe's watch tricks. That's fun with my sloppy seconds and thirds.

I don't give a shit. I'll think I'm even dirt. You don't even know. You're not even dirt. You're not even dirt. You're not in there. Just because you're a racist and you're fucking he you're not in there because of you You don't get bad teeth. I got one bad one. Let me see

That's not all to do the teeth whitening. That's a fucking red head tooth. You should write a bit on that Let's hear the bit Let's hear the bit. I already did the bit I know I know I know I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hmm. Choose almost out of it. Oh You feel all right Kelly. Yeah, you do shows a tip Show us a lip would you really if she showed a tip right now without actually do something for you? No, yeah,. Bum me out. Huh? Bum me out.

Okay. Mike, do you think Kelly's pretty? Yeah, absolutely. You do. This is more uncomfortable than the comedy scene. Well, how about this? I don't think it'd be more uncomfortable than that. I was looking at you like we were going over your fucking

and dusky fucking trial case thing. Which is funny here. Which is funnier. It's just stuck to this dick in the shower. Oh, cool. Nate had one of the last lines of the day just then. The pro-what? The progression. Do you think she's pretty? Now would you eat a rassol?

Yeah, I know. Shit. You don't want to do that. No, you don't. Now let's you like, like, to taste your shit and that'll. You mean, not this morning? Is your rassol still bloody? No. OK. All right. That's it. That's it. No, it's just a point. Yeah, she always really. You mean not this morning As your assholes still bloody

Bring up her dead family members who's dying your family That's a point Well, did you have a dog support do you have a you sick? What happened nothing oh god? We need to end this show. This is gonna for let me leave two hours Let's do a teaser for the next show what happened? The pregnant Kelly's pregnant Kelly's pregnant Kelly's pregnant Kelly's pregnant Kelly's pregnant a black guy a black guy you never let me get the one black guy

this podcast is this podcast is longer than Kelly's nut chunk I like to This podcast is this podcast is longer than Kelly's nut chunk I like that And I'm not on that no and on that no we really did take this one too far But it we we kept slipping we kept we we had to build up steam I'm glad we we checked out your set finally and I think you're I think you got the goods Kelly Yeah, I do yeah, right I mean you got to work on it. You get a lot of long road ahead of you. There's a lot of things you need to do, but you got the goods. I mean, you definitely have to try. Keep trying. But no, you got it. You're good. I hope you

wrote down everything Joseph. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want to thank our guests that you guys thanks for listening to the show again You're right? Is it coming? Is it happening? It's gonna be a big bit Yeah If you fucking killed over that staff of your tarz that was Don't worry damn, we're not looking for you

I got stuff to do I'm probably gonna be on on a volunteer A lot of followers I actually blocked somebody today on on fucking Instagram He was I took a picture of a homeless guy on the ground and he goes I hope was that was you looking at your dead body Wow, I was like that doesn't look like science. Yeah, it's like this. It's just me Yeah, the fuck and then he liked the photo What he liked it. He liked the photo. He thought it was good

But then he wish it was just me dead looking down on me taking a photo. You can't do that though. If you're dead, you can't use your phone You can if you're in the afterlife right now. No, no That's where it came from I want to thank you guys Mike Vecchion. You're gonna come back on yeah, definitely better I'm gonna make it come up here four hours before you start the podcast They can come up here four hours before you start the podcast. Let me help you with it. Yeah, I need some talking points. Uh-huh. Mike Vecchion, what do you got?

Most come up. I'm at the catchurizing star in Providence, Rhode Island. Where is that? Well, there. This is coming up in 1991. Ah, coming out on Monday. So what's the point? Yeah, but I'm headlining.

What? I just farted. Did you hear that? It's coming out Monday. So the one after. What do you get out of that? I hope you guys enjoyed me. I catch a watching star. I'm in the city the next two weeks after that. Really? Yeah. Check the comedy seller document. All right. Fuck it. Check the Mike Vecchion. Do you have a website?

MikeVecchion.com. What's your Twitter? M Vecchion. That's. That sounds like a game. It's not a mock Vecchion. Like a lesbian motorcycle gang. I'm sorry, I couldn't help. Joe Liste, the fucking unwanted wanted guest. I'll be, I'll be in great falls, Montana, June 23rd. Are you fly fishing? Are you beaver pelting? Don't tell us your holidays, Joe. What are you doing? I'm working in Montana.

I'm working in Montana. I'm working in Montana. I'm working in Montana. I'm working in Montana. I'm working in Montana. I'm working in Montana. I'm working in Montana. I'm working in Montana.

I'm working in Montana. I'm working in Montana. I'm working in Montana. I'm working in Montana. I'm working in Montana. I'm working in Montana. I'm working in Montana. Fishing are you beaver pelting? Don't tell us your holidays, Charlie. What are you doing? I'm working those more than you. I'm working in my town. Who does that? With Tupalo. I'm with Tupalo, a big theater.

You got a lot of Montana visitors. The only gig I have, I got to fucking plug something. Is he paying you good? He's paying me pretty good. Why do you have to sing it? You know, the octave is always... He's paying for his own songs. Kelly, I promise, I promise I'll pay you good. Why do you have to sing it? You know, the octave is always... Oh, it's my turn. Kelly, I promise I promise I'll pay you good.

Well, for you, well. Compared to what you do. I don't have to pay you. You definitely have to pay it. I'll be in... You know what? In August, I'm doing... We don't know.

Tell us. August. I'll be at Communist State August 9th through the 11th. In Wisconsin. It's a club in Wisconsin. Okay, cool. And there'll be Chicago Zainese. And you're done with that. You're not gonna be able to do this.

No, I'm gonna be back here in September, October. So I can come back on then. Okay. All right. This is still going then. And I'm joking, this is the best. You don't have to say no. I don't know.

I think it's the best. I don't know if you know this. We started this on an iPod this is going but this is I'll be honest this is more right done more for me than anything I've ever done for myself so I think it's a big deal podcast Bobby okay I think it's great and we always say you're this I think you're great at this podcast got his wife pregnant is what he said. That's what happened Mike I'm vecky one

You don't you don't remember me name Christian the black dude Lighting up because you're so happy you look like an hour like a An Australian like when the guys from the say it the bush I don't I'm not gonna I didn't say that I never call you I would never say that. I have a weekly show that I do in the Laurie side hotel shantel every Thursday at eight that soda did and it is great. It's great. It's great. Like a really great. Why can't I go on it? You're more than welcome. We just met a few days ago. I'm happy love Bobby. You don't understand the Go back to Okay, I love that the Roses trying to go back to alt

Like he's like I didn't make it in there. I'm gonna go be alt now It's the alternate it's a route that he had to take because he didn't make it the first time Double alt derosa. Hi. I'm excited for is he going to be on the drug cup? I don't know. Hopefully. Him and List getting banged up together would be great. It's going to get our two in those two. We're trying to get. We're trying to get know. I'm double Joe. Yep. All right. We'll try to do that. Good. And I have a podcast that I do. I mentioned for offstage pod.com and I just trying to get known. I'm a double Joe. All right, we'll try to do that. Good. And I have a podcast that I do where I mentioned for offstagepod.com. And I just talked to comics about relationships.

So did it. I did. I've done it. The full story about me getting robbed is on his podcast. Yeah. Well, not as funny as the one we did on mine. So anyways.

You're right. I'm not promoting other podcasts. Another, ryecast.com. Ryecast.com. Just like. Ryecast.com. Ryecast.com. Let you know we got a brand new show. We got a surprise coming out, ryecast.com. Right cast.com. Just like, right cast.com. Right cast.com. Let you know we got a brand new show.

We get a surprise coming out on ryecast. You know, we just added, weird medicine with Dr. Steve and the Bailey J show. We have another surprise coming up in the next week or so that I'm fucking ecstatic about. So I'll let, we'll let you guys know, make sure you go to ryecast.com. Keep checking out all the other shows support us go to iTunes

Review it fucking review it. There's 30,000 people that listen to this. We only have 300 reviews and Subscribe hit the subscribe button. I don't give a fuck if you do it or not Do it once and leave a fucking review a good one too I though if you don't like the show, I don't care. I don't want your critiques. I'm not like Kelly, who... What? So just make sure you review it. Kelly, what are you going on? I've got my one year anniversary show for Underbelly at the Creek and the Cave on Saturday

the 7th of July. It's going to be awesome. Who's going to be there? I can't talk about the line-up just yet because we're still confirming it, but it's huge. Massive. Everyone that's kind of double-cops. Bill Cosby, because no one will know who they are. Bill Cosby, who's going to be in the show? It's crazy. Nobody's been invited. I'm invited. I'm invited. People, they've said no. Joe, just said he'd invite him. I'm going to ask you. Joe, because we're the joke doctor. I've never been asked. No, because it's not a, because you have the the challenge. You know, I do your own stand-up You have to do something else. It's a stand-up show. They're gonna do that's a good thing. They're not that so wait

We may be late. So this show is don't even go. No, no, it's a great show They don't even know how to do their own jokes. I'm trying to do other people's joke I'm trying to advertise it now. Is that what you say? Like you know They're not allowed to do stand-up, You're not allowed to do stand-up. You're not allowed to do stand-up. But you get to do something else. What do you do? What do you have to do?

There's so many, so many fucking amazing things that you do. That magic is the problem. Magic. That's the problem. Can I tell a story? Yeah, but if it's funny. Yeah. That's stand-up, isn't it?

No, it's not. He's stand-up though. You're day and a downer before, and he was like, it did like a minute. What did you do? I did, uh, Andre the Giant Reading Walt Whitman's Ocaptum, my captain. It was great. I mean, it was like a minute and a half.

You do some right now. So you have to do something better than your act. I got all covered, Mark. Come on. I'm not in an explosion. That was my favorite chocolate day. Well, I beat you with volume. He said, I got a, I did, uh, Andre the Giant's reading

Ocaptum, my captain. I said, Oh, so you have to do something better than your act I think Joe I think this is what I love about Joe he loves himself oh he don't I don't love myself I hate myself I love my jokes okay yeah what are you going on so you got your show make sure you go you guys set it at eight ten o'clock Creek in the cave in Long Island city and then follow me on Twitter. Calif is doing good. Yeah, whatever. Good, awesome, Kelly. You're doing great.

You're doing a great job. You've come a long fucking way in the last three months. I have. You are. Well, all of us. So we got to the street when I had an often fucking pool. That's what you're doing. You suck a nice cock and get off the street.

Listen. I'm not talking about Kelly. I'm talking about Joe. This cock suckers. That's fucking guy sucks. I mean big. Oh, here I go. Bobby, Bobby pointed to gay Joe there. I want to make that clear. Oh, we did it.

Yeah. What do you think we call? What do you think we call you behind Joe back? Bobby's been hosting this podcast for two years. He's still to realize that they can't see us. Yeah, the watermelon. Joe. It's good. It was pretty good. I get the watermelon thing and the Joe thing. And Dan. Got Dan.

You got nothing. Nothing with Guinness. No, you're going out to the world. Core's light. Yeah, but that's the screen. Not Monday. Fuck his sweetest fish. Nobody's watching.

There's no tour. Nothing. All right, well go to at Danisoto on Twitter. Make sure you go to YKWd podcast on Facebook and on Twitter. Yeah, right? Follow the Twitter handle because that's where all the photos and all this fun stuff comes out. Right.

And the Facebook page. And you guys are already fucking new man. I don't need to promote nothing. Go to my website rubbercalilive.com, go to ryecast. This has been a long fucking weird podcast, but I liked it. I liked it. I loved it. I liked it. I loved it.

I mean, I'm hoping that next time Mike gets a shit together, I won't, you know, next time Joe will have to invite him. That'll be it. I like Joe's mic. I think that needs to be the new thing for him. What is it? So the nice sparkly, Mike, he's, I don't want him to hold it though. We should have to ultimate fight our way out of the room now you I don't want him to hold it though

Yeah, you really want that huh don't you want to prove to you want to prove to Joe that you were the right pick Joe you made the right choice watch this fuck you Bobby I fight away fights he sucks his dick just he sucks Alright, and I'm just bombing we're gonna call this Bob Bob and Mike bomb The bomb like bomb now you know my mic you didn't bomb with kidding by the way I don't want you to go home all the way Me and Dan live together so I'll be cutting myself so thanks body got a clean up blood off the bad I want to thank I want to thank Linda for taking the photos. Thank you, Linda. And I want to thank Gay Jov will coming back.

Gay Jov. Right. Thanks for picking me number three. I want to have you on the show. Will you come on the show and talk some gay stuff? No, I'm serious. I want to have. So I feel the gay stuff. I want I'm serious. I want to I feel. I want to I want to I want to talk to I want to talk to I want to know about the

gay world. I want to know about some gay stuff. You do gay talk like tech talk. Yeah. I want to do that. So stay. That'll be definitely tuning in for that one while he's uh, yeah Nate in the closet Secret gay secret gay Secret gay that's why you love Jesus you love his ass Okay You know what I'm needed I'm stuck in the stinking stinking stinking You know what I'm needed I'm stuck in the fog, stuck in the fog, stuck in the fog You know what I'm needed

I'm stuck in the fog, stuck in the fog You know what I'm so excited I'm so excited You know what I need? Really, really, really, really You know what I need? I'm just starting to shake it I'm just starting to shake it Don't stop filming my face.