Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - We're Gonna Be Vine

Episode Date: November 21, 2016

This week on YKWD: We have Tim Dillon, Mike Boccheti, Stavros Halkias and Ry Doon! After a quick round of Good Fan / Bad Fan, we discuss the recent misfortune of Vine Star, Ry Doon. Also, everyone gets into Rush Limbaugh mode when discussing the upside down world of American Politics. Watch/Listen and enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? Y no lo sé, dude. ¡On the Riotcast Network! Riotcast.com.

It's Robert Kelly's. You know what you podcast on lightcast.com. All right, here we are. What's up, some of these mics we shut off. We're here. You know what to podcast, D-Poooo to my right, Lauren to my left. What's up, kids? Doing well. So how are you? I like the sir thing. I like that. Thank you very much. I'm doing all right. It was a crazy fucking weekend. I did the Boston comics come home. There the Camini Ellie Foundation. That one went out very smoothly, right? I heard. Yeah,

it was just a smooth little phena no no bumps no hiccups oh my god oh my fucking god i'm definitely talking about that later we'll talk about that later uh... you know and i've done some and i know a lot of stuff with one of course the headlines and everybody's picking up on her her getting booed offstage, uh, and then Nick DePolo and blah, blah, blah, and Bill Burr was there and it was a crazy night,

you know, crazy fucking night, but a great night. And for a great cause, we talking about that today. What else we got? Deeps. We're going to do a little good fan, bad fan, a new segment we planned for the, uh, yeah, the opening segment. Well, let me do this real quick. Who do we get on the show today, Sexy? Yeah. Ooh, we have. I'm talking to Deep Hood. I'm looking pretty good today, right?

You look good. I've been a little wardrobe makeover recently. I think you look, I like the eyesaw, your hair looks good, you're actually put a little weight on. It's the whole scope of that here. I gotta fucking step up. You better fucking step up, now Lauren knows how to do you fucking jump yeah all right go ahead what do you got we got um yeah Tim Dylan oh oh we got

them stopby baby oh love them to the left we got the right in the left we know we're gonna be talking about today Tim came in he's ready to go Timmy we got Mike Boshetti wait what the fuck does that mean? What? Tim came in? I'm ready to go. Trump. All right, but you know, you don't know he's ready to go. He's not here. All right. You haven't talked to him today. You just made that up. Tim Tim. Tim. Yeah, he's not here before when just before you here. You know that comes me down. Don't not calm me down. You'll take the funny out of the show. If you calm me down, like that again Who else do we have? We have Ryan Dune too. Ryan Dune, Mike Bouchemmie, who I'm a big fan of,

never been on the show. He's been on all, everybody else's fucking show. But now he's on this show. He's a great guy. I'm a fan. What's his name again? Mike Bouchemmie. Bouchetti.

Bouchetti, whatever the fuck Bouchemmie. Why do I, oh Bouchemmie, why am I saying Bouchemmie? It's a stupid. Oh Steve. Oh Steve. That's I mix it up. What is one of those names you mix up? Can we book him next week? I did oh no listen of course not know but I am gonna start booking some famous people that be cool I mean it's not hard in this room Fuck it everybody's famous to us We also have yes, right? Doon if you don Rhydune is, it's a young guy who was very popular in Vine. When Vine first came out, I was actually into it. He was one of the guys from Boston

that I really loved watching. He blew up, stand up comedian LA, the Vine thing happened, now Vine is dead. We should have music for that. Mwap, bap, bap, whatever the song that would be. Should have thought of it. Well, I thought you should have music for that. Mwapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapap here so what is it do it do it do it in your head like I'll loud though so I'm gonna have like a whistle sound effects but yeah and then it's gonna be Bobby going you're off sides dude and we got good fan bad fan oh I like it all right cool I liked it okay like it what so she started I mean to it too guys what I got Bobby

are you the kind of guy that likes good news first or bad news? I like the bad news first. I like walking up to the fucking demon, walking up to the darkness, stepping into the darkness, jumping off the cliffs and knowing God will teach me to fly. That makes sense? Not really. Lauren, what about you? Are you a good news first person or bad news first? I'm a bad news.

Yeah. I think we're all bad news first people. Lauren, you're pregnant. Oh my God, that's what everyone's saying. or bad news first. I'm a bad news. Yeah. I think we're all bad news first people. Yeah. Lauren, you're pregnant. Oh my God. That's what everyone's saying. Oh, again. What do you get?

You better kill it now before Trump. I know. I'm like a fermenter. I'm a fermenter. I'm a fermenter. Yeah. Probably. Can we not bring up your dirty ass again?

I know. I puke every time I think. I know. And you let him come in it. I know. I was pooping come. That's not even funny. You know, come back from that bubble. I know.

You know, come back from that. Every guy in the showroom, any guy who have a list of good over it. I'm over there dick pics. Well, I'm not. Why don't I know if it's a dick pics? Can somebody send me a dick pics, please? For the love of God, every other fucking podcast get tits and vagina and videos I saw one guy gets videos. I get nothing. I will step up or step up our titty game. I gotta go and step it up

Why don't you send me one? I don't know with you. Send me you send me one too. I'll try. All right go. What do we got? Our first bad fan is a comment on YouTube from our last episode of SibSibNl says I always stop I already don't like his name SibSibno says, I always stop. I already don't like his name. Sorry to have negated SibSibno. Fuck off. I've only seen him on two out of three podcasts, and I love all his peers, but I'm uncomfortable with how much I hate San Marille.

Really? Yeah, I was surprised by that too. Why does he hate talking to hate San Marille? I mean, say it looks, San Marille is a pretty fuck-you-tab-a-guy. It doesn't take shit, but I was gonna like him. He's pretty opinionated

He's funny and he's always been a sweetheart to me, so I like I like a little dark two in my comedy. Yeah, it's very dark That's a dark factor. He is dark factor not as much as Monroe, but yeah Whoa get it. He's a black guy and I made a joke All right, our good fan Has a comment in the form of a five star review on iTunes. Yes, and fig says Bobby's voice is my Monday morning. I look forward to it on my drive into work and improve my entire week. We need sound effects after these bad fans.

Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, and then good one's like, yay! I'm maybe we don't do that. Maybe we just do it ourselves. Maybe like, Lauren, here's your job from now on. Good fan bad thing. You make the sound effects for bad and good, okay? Okay. What else we got? Anything else? Our next bad fan says, Oh God save us for more sober lectures. It's a by Colin Moore.

That was me choking on a dead. Yeah, we got it. Oh God. That's a good fan. I'm never, I haven't, I've never, I've made a girl choking my dick once. Really? Yeah. Did she almost puke?

No, I wish she, I wanted to spit up on. Anyways, let's not go down your jersey route. Let's keep it on board. Well, listen, that's, that's pretty, uh, fucking annoying, but he's got a point. I don't know. I do the lectures. I do on, I do, uh, I do, I call it what they call it

in the Incredibles, if you've seen that movie, monologging. Someone got me monologging. We got music, I actually have music for the next time you go into a monologue, I'm gonna just slip it in there. They great, no I do monolog, hey here's a deal. It's my podcast, okay, my mics, okay, my studio. I can monologue whenever the fuck I want. Cause let me tell you something,

life is about monologues. If you don't monologue, who the fuck are you? How do you know who you are, what you feel, all right? You gotta fuck it, step it up, and go into what you believe and let other people know, because sometimes people need help, okay? And I know you're trying to get me to play the music, I actually didn't have it ready yet, so.

There you go, that's what I really wasn't. I was just monologue. Oh really? That would have been a good joint though get me to play the music. I didn't have it ready yet. So there you go. That's why I really wasn't that was just monologue Oh really? That would have been a good joint though if you started playing the music, but thanks for thanks for ruining my monologue the amount of time It would take me free to pull the music up. It would not be worth that wasn't a monologue anyways. That was a rant Okay, that was a rant as you have to have rant music. Yeah. All right. What else you got? What's a good fan? music. Yeah. All right, what else you got? What's a good fan? A good fan says we have another five star review from array 472 and he says, I heard about this show after video game outliers joined Riot cast. Yes. Wow. I am hooked. Video game. You know what? Great show. One of the most popular shows on a network, it really stepped up. These guys have

it together, man. If you love video games, and you're into the gaming world, and you're just a nerd, and you like that, you gotta listen to these guys. Really good, really good. You'd love them. Yeah. All right, so what else do we got on the show today? What else are we gonna be talking about, anything? We're gonna talk about comics come home,

that show you did. Absolutely. We're talking about diving to Riot Dunes, a recent misfortune. Yeah, I mean, being taken down. Vine is dead, Vine is gone. That'd be like if podcasting died. I mean, what would I do?

I, you know what I do? I'd fucking be monologue in your bedroom somewhere. Yeah, you're a dickhead. I'd watch your monologue. Bad fan, bad fan. I'm a bad fan. All right, here we go. What do you say we start to show?

Let's do it. Let's start to show. We're bringing people up right now. If you listen in and you're on the show and you downstairs at the seller, feel free to push the buzzer. If you guys want to be on the show, what's the email that you can email?

They can email Lauren at YKWDproducer at riotcast.com. That's true. And if you want to be a premium member, okay? If you want to support the show, number one, it's about supporting the show, number two, it's about getting premium content. We have the creeps with kids show up there, the pod fest is up there. We're talking video, high-deaf video, two of the funniest shows we've done, amazing content. We're going to be putting more stuff up and the flug it. It's easy. You go to the app store, iPhone, Android, download the free app. What's the name of the app?

It's called the Robert Kelly's you know what dude app? You know what to get the app to boom you put it in your pocket and there you go Okay, you fucking download it for free and then you know what you do you subscribe 199 a month that's all you have to do and you are a premium member. You're supporting the show, you're actually, and you're getting the premium content and we'll be looking at all the show. If you don't have the money, I get it. If you don't have the, the, the, is that a Ryzen? That's what Tim Dylan sits. Verizon? Well, no, what did you say? No, we got, we got Ryden, Ryden, that's he kidding. I'm kidding. I just like to fuck with you 10

Um, and just a quick thing just a quick thing if they want to watch it on their browser They can go to robbercally dot lipson.com put it on the big screen watch that way Yeah, she can do it that way too. So go download the app support the fucking show and Be part of the be become a fucking dude. That's what I'm saying become a fucking dude and I get the original shut your face Get a haircut. You get the original shit you face. Get a haircut, you get all whipped up. Now your head doesn't match your body. Listen.

Ha ha ha. What else do we got, Bob? Where's that read? Give me that fucking read. Where is it? I got to read this real quick. I wish Tim I could give this a Tim, because I don't want to. Hell, no casper's back.

We got read music. Oh, I love you. Read music, please. Let's do a little music for this't want to, hell, no Casper's back. We got Reed music, if you want. Oh, I love you. Reed music, please. Let's do a little music for this. Let me tell you something about Casper. I have one of these mattresses. And I, you know, look it.

I know that we read this shit. And everybody's like, yeah, it's fucking good. But this is actually good, okay? I don't know if this is gonna go with the tone. I'm fine. We need a sleepy time thing, but maybe you should get the ad and then, you know, we'll, with the, what do you want to do? Casper mattress. It's a sleepy time thing, but maybe you should get the ad and then, you know, we'll, with the, uh, insulated, uh, Casper mattress.

It's a sleepy brand that's created on a perfect mattress, so directly to consumers, eliminating commission driven inflated prices. It's award-winning, sleep surface was developed in-house, has a sleep design, and is, uh, is, the is I gotta read my fucking glasses I hate this. My sucker I am and is delivered in a small how the hell did they do that size box? It's true. The box shows up.

You're like what he the worst part about getting a mattress is first of all taking the other mattress out and putting the other mattress in if you live in New York City you're going up a five floor walk up with a mattress. Youros are just fucking quit. Become homeless. Live outside. Get a twin because you're not getting a king or a queen. But not with this because they suck it up and they make it like that meat little sucker up on the vacuum seal. They vacuum seal it in a little box. It's unbelievable. Casper Off-Off is adaptive pillows and soft breathable sheets. The mattress industry has forced consumers into paying notoriously high markups. Casper's revolution out of the mattress industry by cutting the cost of the

deal with resellers and showrooms and passing that savings. So you have to go to a stupid macy's and talk to some shedrool in a tie. You know, his third job on weekends to put his fucking daughter through college. He's trying to upsell you on a map. There's the one they have on the hotel. They got the, this is the hotel. Now, you can go with this, but this hotel, this is the, all the Hilton's shut up. Probably a place.

Okay. I'm gonna start like that. Shut up, Mike. Don't talk during my fucking time, kid. I'm kidding, man. You share your stores like that in the city. It's not on sucks, or you'll lose sleepies. I don't know how to do it. Look, I get it.

I don't want to take jobs away from people. But you know what, I want convenience. All right, here's the deal. Mattress, guess what? They can cost, I paid $2,500 for Mattress. Yeah, whoa, it's right. It's fucking insane. I mean, with the shit fucking out.

Mike, I got money, okay? It's not that insane. No, I'm well, it's right. It's fucking insane. I mean, yeah, with the shoot fucking out. Mike, I got money, okay? It's not that insane. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Look, they can cost over $1,500. mattresses, caspers, guess what? 500 for a twin. 600 for a twin XL. 750 for a full 850 for a queen. 950 under $1,000 for a king. That's not, that's good man, you can't beat that. Buying a Casper match is completely risk-free. Casper offers delivery, free, and free return.

If you don't like it, sleep on it for 100 nights. I don't know if they want to do that with some of my fans. I don't know if you, I don't know. I don't know if it burns in it. Sagar at Burns, you know, staying, look like somebody was murdered. That's really just semen. Oh, God.

Yeah, listen, here's the deal. I'm telling you, you can have a nice free, you can return it for nothing. If you don't love it, they'll pick it up, refund your money, everything. Casper understands the importance of truly sleeping on a mattress before you commit to to spending all this money on it, all right. Here's the deal. The Casper is

obsessively engineered mattress at a shockingly shockingly fair price. It combines springy lake tax and supportive memory foam to create an award winning sleep service with just the right sink and just the right balance. Time magazine named it one of the best innovations of 2015. An award-winning mattress that won't disappoint. Free shipping returns to US and Canada. Try Casper, a hundred nights free. You son of a bitch is, it's free. Just try it. Even if you don't like it, you send it back. All right. If you don't love it, they'll pick it up for nothing. All right. You get all your money back. Made in America too. Trump's America. Alright, America. He's already doing it. Good. He's already doing it. We're making mattresses here again. I check it out. Please. What's the what's the URL? Casper.com. Yeah, but

what's the what how do they use my thing? Oh? You mothers you know what oh sorry Get $50 off towards any mattress per can you just see that I'm stupid with some of this stuff and just assume it and then fucking help me with it I said to make it me panic I anxiety Lauren. Okay. That's why it okay I check it you're $50 off any mattress purchased. I know, this is a long, I know it's a long read. I didn't know it was this long. Sorry. Okay.

We got another one, great. We'll read that, we'll start in the show. I gotta read this. Take your $50 off the mattress. Go to castup.com slash dude. Dude. And use code word dude, listen, dude. Okay, terms and condition apply.

You get 50 bucks off the mattress here's here's the deal what does this say screen shop what is that you know not to read that okay why don't know well you go over these fucking ads with me kidding everybody fucking kidding please I don't want knock on what knock on scopos head all right guys let's start the show all right turn that fucking I'm not kidding, please. I don't want knock on my head. Knock on Scopus head. All right, guys, let's start the show. All right, turn that fucking Hillbill music off.

God dammit, God dammit. I'm rockin' roll. We need to reinvent the aesthetic, Bob. What? 21st century. Yeah, well, why don't you go back to the 19th century for the music? You don't like bugles?

No, I don't like bugles. I don't like, I don't like, I don't like, I don't like, I'm just cuckling girls. I don't like fucking chicks with little hats doing this shit with fucking cigarette fucking things on the front, right? Tim Flap, why'd you cut your hair Tim? Why? It looks good.

No, I will be the judge of that. Don't tell me what will fit to me. You're like, I like it. I like your Kennedy hair. I know, I had to get it. It was going insane. I like it. I like it. I should've let it. I know I had it was going insane. I like it. I like it. I like it I should let it grow out. I get three four here because of you. I know. Here's the thing. It looks like Beatles

Just gonna hold you. You know what I'm saying now because I understand because I have the small head now. I look younger and I look younger. I'm trying to go out for younger Rolls. I want to play early 50s. Stop being a little baby. You will. Oh That's that time So sorry what's going on? Brilliant comedy That's the good stuff. I tell me here the word roll. Don't you think of a nice dinner roll? I had a great lunch Let's go through the room. Let's introduce everybody. D. Poe. Who do we got? Oh our first guest is Stavros Halkey's

Stavros Halkey is a K the Greek a K the fucking little kid a K mini me. Hello everyone who do we got? Oh, our first guest is Stavros Halkeyus. Stavros Halkeyus, AK, the Greek, AK, the fucking little kid, AK Mini-Me. Hello everyone, how we doing? How are you doing? Good, I miss you, Bob. How are you doing? I'm doing okay. And this America!

Oh yeah, that's true. I'm not, yeah, doing, I'm all right now. So I believe women shouldn't have rights anymore. And, Muslims should get out. So I know you're not, but I used to know you're not, but now that I'm concerned, it's all one. Yeah, so I don't know if you've been extreme vetted yet or not. Yeah, he has.

I've had him. He didn't know, but I've had it done over the last three years. That's why Scopal left. I couldn't let Scopal leave until we knew that he wasn't a terrorist from ISIS. Right, I appreciate it. So who else we got? We also got Tim Dylan in the studio from ISIS. Right. Appreciate it. So who else we got? We also got Tim Dylan in the studio.

Hello. Thank you so much. Oh. Timmy was out there. I was in Boston a day before me. Yeah. I actually, I sent you to stay because I had no reason to go back to New York.

Oh, my God. You should have came. I got to tell you to the show. You could have went. I wanted to see one go back to New York. Oh my god, you should have came. I could have thought you to the, I would have loved to see the show. You could have went. I wanted to see one of the Sykes and everybody. I didn't. We're going to talk about that. We're going to talk about that.

We're going to talk about that. I have to introduce everybody on the believable. But I sent you to Lafamille, Georgia, which we went to. Yeah, I had a great time. I enjoyed it. Now look, man, I didn't send you to the best Italian restaurant in the North end. It was good.

But it's a great restaurant for the price. They get great food. Yeah. I said, I said Bobby Kelly used to work in it with who? I said Bobby Kelly, he's a comedian. They said, what? So it was a good, but it was a great time. What would you say to the fucking Mexican guy?

Take me home. Not at all. Just my waitress. I just asked my waitress. Look man, I walked in. First of all, there was a line when we went, okay? Yeah. And I didn't wait in the line. I walked in first of all there was a line when we went okay, yeah, and I didn't wait in the line. Let's put it there of course

I mean my wife went up and said I tell you what that if that restaurant never exists my son would never be born. That's where my wife It's a small cool little place because I'd never been on this one. Yeah, really? They're all tiny little jewel box rest. Yeah, it's a fucking North. That is cool, man. It's the best. It is cool And then Trump's America it's gonna get Bobby had a crazy point that the food your time food in Boston is better than New York, which is completely Assinine You're fucking it was not I guarantee you buddy I had the dominoes the dominoes was great

If you did you go to the bakery? I did I went to both what'd you get? I got to chalk the bomb and lost it was great. I had to eat it on a mega bus Of course you did because I was stuffed from the Georgia And I was eating Lafamilia Georgia on a mega bus With the with the chocolate bomb do you ever people hated you on the with the chocolate bomb. Do you ever hear people say, hey, did you? On the back? A lot of those Coke mules were not happy with my, you know.

They were not happy. Why do they have a seriously though? Why do they do like, like, shipping drugs from one state to the other? I don't know. But Bobby goes like this, he's, I was on a phone on a megabus he goes, put me on speaker for one second, I'd say, you're gonna get me stabbed.

I didn't know what he was gonna say, but whatever he was gonna say in that packed mega buzz would have been the end of it. He's like it's a truss exercise. I'm like goodbye. Goodbye. Alright, who else we got there, buddy? No, we also have Mike Boshetti in the studio. Hey, Bob, thank you, Bob.

Mike, what the fuck? What happened? We'll deal with it when you get to you. Mike, Mike Boshetti, how are you doing, buddy? Good, it when you get to you The fuck Mike Bush any how you doing buddy good. Thank you have me You're my hero Mike. I'm a big fan. Oh, thanks. Yeah. I watch you every day on already length show on like for two years He's really what's not right now He's really your hero my hero He's your fucking hero. I mean you're my hero too like if you can don't put me in that shit

Heroville, all right listen. He's not your hero You like one of my favorite clips on YouTube is him doing the weather look. He's fucking grad love Mike. Thank. He's hilarious Yeah, my hero is the Dishman That's not a bad hero. He doesn't mean Andrew dice clay. He means a guy who throws dice Sublox away who's not a bad hero. He doesn't mean Andrew dice Clay. He means a guy who throws dice two blocks away who's got a game Sam condition Bob runs neck and neck with those Wow, I'm one of them's dead So I take the one that's still living How's that cuz you don't know how fucking Sam was gonna turn out? No, you're right back to preaching

And then you'd be like I don't like him anymore Who else we got on the show and lastly we have right do in the studio. Hey, right beautiful. I do And how are you man? Are you dreaming I can see them now? Yeah, and you've got great eyelashes too. All right Listen, hey, I'm sorry. Come on. I got a little head on my head. I'm like Fucking get a fucking bad breakup. I'm trying to fuck vine stars. Yeah, maybe Form a former vine stars wine is dead My last time on spot. Ask me right? No, why would that be you probably be on more now cuz now you're forced to get funny

Bobby what how come I haven't been on the show in like two years is it cuz of scope? Oh, I don't I never you never asked to be on the show I texted scope oh every time was a new I don't I never you never asked to be on the show. I texted scope all every time was a new Well, you know you do just get a room somewhere in Brooklyn and then you get on the show The new booker is not a comedian. No, I really I don't know I remember those one time But it was already booked but that's the only time you come on anytime. I told you that you were my favorites I I liked you before you liked me. Not true. No, but you know what I mean?

Like I contacted you. Not true. I looked at you in a way. You're one of my, dude, you're my hero. You're my hero. You're my hero. Actually, I know exactly. It's the worst avengers ever.

You guys, I know exactly what happened. One second right? Oh, sure. But don't wrap it around your head. Don't scare people. What's happening? So what's happening was I was making vines. Remember vines? Anyways, one day I noticed Robert Kelly followed me on Vine. Yes. I had a little fanboy experience when I was walking dogs, picking up shit. I felt good about myself for a moment and I tweeted to you was like it was pathetic

It's like Robert. I've been having a bad week. I noticed you followed me. Thank you Come on the podcast some time That's my question Yeah, until the acid reflux wasn't that great Why I think he had he knew he had that in the king Wasn't that great? Why I think he had he knew he had that in the king Work on the front You had a vine you were trying to like pat the millennial markets. He was just following people. Oh, we should watch Bobby's vines

Yeah, I had I tell you what my Snapchat first of all Timmy yeah back off Back off I say there's more important things to attack and Bob fucking I've helped you and He's on the offensive that means they're bad Listen to me, yeah, I know you're not a twig. I get out. That was a funny part Listen toig. I get out. That was a funny part. Yeah, that's okay. Listen to me. I had any new technology, any new, anything. I'm always on it. I check it out because I need to,

I'm a geek, I'm a fucking nerd. When Vine came out, I loved it because everybody, look at, you can go back in history. Twitter, I was the first one on it. I remember going into open, open Anthony, I have no way to verify this. I got you, go ahead. Listen, listen, listen, I history Twitter. I was the first one on it. I remember going into open Opinion. I have no way to verify. Listen, listen, I invented Twitter. Listen, Oh, got true to in a way.

Well, we're going into that because I'll start mom. So Larry will get mad. Listen, here's a deal. When I get there, you go back to the opening, go back to my own A and I go in a good Twitter. You got to do it. And they're like, dude, this is why would you fucking? Who gives it This is stupid who wouldn't who don't want to fucking it's a hundred foot literally tell me to go fuck myself and then Two months later these fucking jacks Jack offer in a Twitter war

Who can get the more Twitter followers and now it's a fucking whole industry forgot right so I'm always into that when vine came out I'm not a viner. I did some funny vines here and there I'm more like a blogger of video guy. I don't really do that shit But I thought it was fascinating It was fucking people said six second videos and they But not not not they found a way to be creative with it. Yeah, and and make me laugh With six seconds. So it's like, just this, I mean, that's crazy.

Right. That these fucking people tapped into their creativity that are fucking literally would have been nobody's. Right. Would have been struggling actors or fucking dog. Whatever the fuck, a standup comic, all of a sudden there's six million people Dying every day to see a great thing you have to do comedy shows are 12 in the afternoon Average fan is 11

You're talking your fans is literally a crime You're like, you're talking your fans is literally a crime. You're like, you're not sounding, you're not sounding titch, you're sounding a lunchbox. You're not sounding titch, you're sounding a lunchbox. Snapchat is scary because sometimes I get nudes and I'm assuming some of those nudes are underage. So in that moment, I'm holding child porn in my hands. Should I have not said that?

Can you mark that? Can you mark that? I don't know, I don't have time for that. I'm a little bit more familiar. Well, he that? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But Bobby, what's next? What's the next thing? Because Vines being shut down.

Well, Twitter's next is being shut down. It's gone. Twitter's dying. Twitter's dying. Facebook is Facebook. But it's the most toxic one. Even though Facebook is the most toxic. You're out of your mind.

Go, do go away from it for a week Take a week without fucking finding out what you're aunt has to say about ISIS and you will feel so much happy I'll tell you why it's not the talk most toxic. Okay, toxic because the the Twitter is so anonymous Twitter's been now here's why Facebook's okay You can say what you want, but I'm gonna go look at your family. I can go look at your life. I can go fucking CSI, what up.

He's like garbage. Sure, what a great way. What a great way to spend the day. But listen. It's, apparently you haven't done it. It does feel comfortable raising you. Okay, I'm serious. You have to be accountable job, everything is on the line with

facial Twitter. You're an egg or a fucking, you know, slimy 277. Your mother's a kind of a fuck black people and nobody knows where you are. Nobody knows where you exist. I agree with you. And Facebook is saying, fuck you. Have it. Say it, but be accountable. I agree. Listen, I've done a lot. I might get I hate Twitter people because how many battles I have with assholes on that tomorrow yeah yeah I love fighting with them after a while too I mean they're they're hated to be a love yeah I actually love fighting with assholes on there to get stupid with which either way look at oh Okay, that's okay. I'd be those balls you actually did you yeah Michael

I woke up one day You know else had that you know general mom or a mirror. Yes, the comic. Yeah, okay. She had it So here's a deal she She told me she had it which she's a beautiful girl. She she woke up one day with Bell's palsy. The fucking right side of her face just shut down. Oh, man I went to sleep. That can go away though. It goes it does go away. Yeah, but it a great event. Sustard Greta had it. Could you imagine waking up? Okay, listen to him. Yeah, you have a great night saturday night You're at the stand. Yeah's kissing your fucking cunt. You're the new guy that everybody loves. We're too fat away.

It's a one. You're struggling like Starbrost is the point. And right now, the Starbrost is better than me. He's not doing any of us. He's on to your tours. I'm on one tour. He's on a tour. I'm on another, I'm on another

and an older comedian, it takes him on a tour. Yeah, because he's a nice kid. I'm a nice kid. You're aggressively rough. Stop talking about the only thing I'm on. a tour another tour i'm a nice k i'm a little aggressive i'm not a feature i'm not a headliner yet but i'm a feature

here's a deal imagine waking his vine let's get right in six seconds Listen, imagine waking his partner his vine Let's get right in six seconds. Everyone quiet go one two three go. I'm not a VJ on the headliner He does he does a great fucking I have to do that and you know like all foods. But, no I'm alright, it'll be okay. We're gonna get to this. Right, I know you're dying to fucking tell us

how you're fearing for your life. What's next, Bob? Tell me please. It's an eight second video right? You wake up one day, you fucking, you wake up your whole rights out of your face. What would you do? I probably go to the doctor.

No shit, you have to tell. My stories is after you go to bed. I cut that part out. It's a 22 page half out. Can you still talk? Yeah, you can talk. It's like this. It's no good. See, you got it. How long does it stay like that? It's a couple of months. It looks like it in a stroke. It's a whole phase. Yeah. I went to say I write. That's what I do. I write the Great American novel. I hope people get bell palsy. I'm on fire. I had to go to for uh electoral thing. God, leave it. Hang on one second. Stay, you better do this. Don't get lazy, okay? I'm talking about. I'm just, I'm just giving you a little bit. Hi, it's called Bob Kelly's random pep talks.

Okay. You might have, you did not, you did nothing wrong. I'm just saying, keep your shit together. Yeah, shit. Now you're on point. Gotcha. Here's a deal. I woke up one day.

I fell asleep one night. I fell asleep. I must on the wrong side or I did something with my hand. I woke up the right side of my face was fucking frozen. I'm like, oh my god, I got bell palsy. I was flipping the fuck out. I literally, the right side of my face was, I couldn't feel it. It was dead. It was fucking dead. I'd panic. I ran the right side of my face was I couldn't feel it. It was dead. It was

fucking dead. I panic. I ran into the bathroom. It was just my face was asleep. I fell asleep with like my, I guess I didn't know you fixed it. It's scary shit, man. It sucked. I had a 99. What did you get rid of it? I had to find out. How did you get me to strike? I don't have to take it up at night and pry drops in horrible the baby This just happened out of nowhere is there a way to prevent it? Yeah, seriously don't eat clams. Is that true? No Love plan I know you work. Yeah, I was talking about clamps No, I don't know how it happens could be stressed could be anything draft I don't know how it happens could be stress could be anything draft I don't know how it is a draft just a window open

A giraffe it could also be a giraffe The audience like pirate I would I'm West couldn't go it was hard. Wait, you had a there's a Bell's Palsy draft The first round pick in the Bell's Palsy in the bills policy. I'm getting from a draft in a house. What the fuck are you talking about? I thought the set was from a draft in a house. Was this a doctor just a butcher?

Are you just a guy in a white coat? My doctor's like his retelling guy. It's a possessor pack who put my hand. Hang on a second. Stop holding the microphone. It's on his face. He's acting like he's doing a fucking set. Is that a fucking...

It's been a while, Bob. I'm off this week. I need to practice. Listen... listen. I'm off this weekend. I need to practice. Listen to me. I know. You got... He's not... He's supposed to be on this weekend, but the guy doesn't want him back.

What happened? I'm doing a gig up in Saratoga Springs. Are you fucking falling asleep? No, no, no. I blinked my eyes. He's got... I had something in my eye, and I'm like this to get out. This guy's where he's gonna be in this... This is a... this is a blank.

Ready? That's a blank. You went. No, I'm like this blank ready. That's a blank you went That's either No, I have something my idea with like this to try to get it out. I got you on fucking camera kid Bobby, I love you listen blank fucking Tim Dylan. I'm dying. I was trying to get something out of my I have something in my eye I'm dying. I was trying to get something out of my eye. I have something in my eye. I want my bitch to try to get out of my eye It's not a blink. Okay, I apologize trying to get like a floater in my eye It's not a blink. I had a sprinkle crushed in my headphone jack in my iPhone But they had to take out in the Apple store and it was pink dust and it was so embarrassing

I don't know what is that I go. It's a sprinkle and they just looked at me and I had to walk out That's so please give me a break. That's the fattest, most weird little problem you possibly have. Listen to me. A gingerbread house got stuck in my shoe. I can't charge my iPhone. Yeah, there's an M&M stuck in it.

So anyways, I want to get to a couple of things real quick. First of all, I want to talk about this vine thing because it is a weird, these people got so successful so fast and they were, I mean, money was rolling in. Correct? I didn't make a ton. I'll still be able to make some, but like the top top viners who were all like swaggy and... What does that mean?

Like a black, I think that just means black person. No, they're all like really cool looking and stuff I just like ten in the more like multi multi like Cameron Dallas King Ron. There's like the team. I'm Boc. What I can't hear. Can I fucking talk? Yeah, I'm the fucking-star here. All right, it's true. We're, but go ahead. Yeah. Past tense, but yeah, go ahead. Right. I'm playing this shot in the book. Yeah.

Right. The content is thank you, everything. We're, but go ahead. That was too much. I still can kind of get late from it, though. So that's nice. That's the late. That was all like the last.

Oh, wait, where were we? Oh, yeah. So there's like a teen heartthrob. So like got followers just because they're like sexy teenage boys. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And then there's like the funny dudes like Logan Paul. He's a funny dude. Yeah. He uh, he worked hard. He's got big muscles and shit.

So the thing is I didn't like try to like network and become friends with the top dudes. Cause I just didn't want to. I just wanted to like make like network and become friends with the top dudes because I just didn't want to. I just wanted to like make natural friends and shit like that. And I was staying up every night. So I was like,

what the fuck are you doing? You don't want a network, it's the pure art form of mine. You don't want a, I'm a bitch. Yeah, you want to do it. You're seven second behind. Or you say something racist to a black person

on the street. Why network, yeah, what? Stop holding on to my, person on the street. Why networked the stop hold on the fucking work, right? Stop being a comic from Baltimore. If you know what I mean, Yes, yeah, headphones work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, they really do myself. It was mine.

Turned up. Yeah, you might stop. Yeah, where are you? Yeah, here you go. How's that? Is that better? Check. Check once you want to check. Oh, yeah, that's good. Is that better? That's good.

Okay, listen to me voice. Yo, check. Yo, is she boy? I'm kind of losing my jazzing impression. That's better. Listen, here's a deal. So this thing is, I mean, I mean, imagine how many fans did you have? Well, I mean, I still have some. How much did you have? I finished off with 3.8 million followers. Who? Right? Dude, that's movie star shit. Yeah, I mean, that's movie star shit And and I can say hey ride-dune and nobody in my family would know who the fuck you are I'm not saying that to a tell you

I'm saying it To be what what what you know, know's got more followers and that are presidents Yeah, is this really the national event we should be talking about Let's spend 40 minutes on mine. We're gonna get to you. Okay, all right shut your face. Hey, get go on come town and talk about your shit I did it's a great episode. Everyone check it out. We did a recap of the election come You don't get the fucking invite to the studio. I think I've never promoted my podcast on guistigial I'm gonna help my to about to promote something The thing about you know is three million fucking you did something right man Marlena, you know what I mean?

I'm staying on this shot in the table. I don't have to come no no no Turn my mic off. No, you're good. I just can't hear myself again Check check check check. There you go. All right, cool. Listen, here's a deal. My point is this is that you had six million people, but what these social media things invent are famous people who aren't famous. Like you're famous.

Well, it's niche, it's niche. You're making fucking, you have the ability to make thousands of dollars if not millions. And you're famous. You could sell out shows. I mean, dude, you can't sell out a fucking show. You can't fucking go on the road and make a living just by you. Bobby, I sold that a bus.

I sold that a bus three times. My point is, is this kid was in Boston, open mic. All of a sudden, is selling out these fucking shows with other viners and making thousands of dollars living in LA, touching bumping dicks with the high and heavy corporate LA Hollywood people because you had a three, you had six second videos. That's pretty, technology is that fucking nuts. But with that, my point is, you should have hit the fucking monologue music It takes it away just as fast. I mean vine is just gone. Right. I mean it's gone

It'll be gone in a few months. There'll still be the vine website where I can still show like the industry like look millions of people like me But I just won't be able to post there But have you gone to like another have you moved them to YouTube? I know a lot of dudes will move them to YouTube or move them to kind of see what happens. So the way I was making money for the past two years, even it was never just vine. It was always like one vine, five snaps, two Instagrams, five tweets. Yeah, the idea for this amount of money. So now just vine won't be a part of it. I will hopefully keep making money because that's important to me, like paying

bills and shit Are you gonna stand LA? I would love to be here I get more love in New York at the comedy scene here than I do in LA or Boston even and I've never even lived here So so you want to move back here and do stand up. Is that your thing? Are you gonna? Are you gonna keep doing vines? Because let me tell you something huh? Oh, whatever the fuck with you videos videos. Because your videos and comedy, the stand up comedy world, I'm what, you shaking your head,

what are you shaking your head for? I'm just saying, I think if you've got, if he's got that kind of following, fuck coming here and doing stand up, parlay that following into, you know what I mean? Like, don't fucking go backwards and fucking be, would me and Stavros and fucking barge you. I'd get you a to fucking store it in theaters

what'd you say Mike? I didn't hear it get you a to show you out in theaters I throw it in I get this I throw it in I throw it in theaters I throw it in I throw it in

Bobby Bobby I can tell you what he said What he say? G-C-A-D He's show you out in theaters That's right That's true Does he mean C-A-A or Shay?

No Something in Shay, man He's like, get Shay I don't like Shay No, from him in Shay even. He's like, get Shay, I know Shay. I don't like Shay. No, hold him in and just fucking, hold him in life, I know, just do specs. You know, you understand if I had,

how many falls, three million, six million? Like four million. Four million. Four million followers on anything, you know what I can do with that? Yeah. Be crazy, I got under 100,000 on Twitter. It's just weird, because you've been on it for 25 years.

That's strange. You would think you've even just got a hundred a year. But take away 30% of those. 30% of those are garbage. I mean, I'll take away more than that. More of it is garbage, then take another fucking 20,000 and they don't even fucking read them anymore. I mean, what is it, maybe I have 20,000 people that are fucking

All right, can I ask him a question about vine because you have a mic in front of you You're a man and this is a Trump America. Thank you. Ask away. I appreciate are those top dudes like I read an article about those dudes. They all lived in like the complex on Vine Street as crazy as it is And these guys were making like some of these guys were making like a hundred thousand a day or a week or something crazy You know what now those guys have really like are you as a viner who's doing really good? Do you like know these dudes or you yeah, okay? I know all of them on my friends with every all of them Yeah, I don't hang out with all those dudes right when I see him. It's like what's up guy? Right, but I don't really hang out with them

We have different styles of comedy. They're like more for you not stand like camera dials is not gonna be a stand-up no no you know he doesn't even he really did comedy just shut he's just like he's a really good looking dude who's got like he's got like crazy followers and they put out a movie on Netflix which was horrific yeah it's a spell that's like the worst thing in the world they's shitload of money. It made a shitload of money because all these girls go on by and I watch a little bit of it and I'm like this is bad. The kids like one of the best looking and that's what they had to do. It just takes a short off.

He jumps on a bed and he's not 10 million fall. I think it's really talented and I thank you. I appreciate it. I think that. I agree. Oh, sorry. I do think you talented. I think Rudy, I think you so.

Mancuso? Yeah. And I agree I could think you tell I think Rudy Mankusso man kusso. Yep. He knows the line. Listen buddy I know it all I love it Rudy Rudy Mankusso. Yeah, man that kid What's the minute Mike? What is his name? I don't know. I don't go on wine. I really don't know You gotta start going on vine. It's the minute Mike what is his name? I don't know I don't go on wine. I will don't You gotta start going on vine it's the new thing Mike He's very he's very talented kid man, and his vines are very and even his videos now very very funny But he's also a great musician

Things and stuff like that. He'll he'll wind up do is up but all but Willie maybe he won't. I mean how I mean aren't you are you nervous dude? Are you honestly I'm asking you honestly are you fucking nervous now that vines gone and that you have to are you like what I'm gonna have to go do stand up like the rest everybody is it you where that it's gonna your fan base is gonna get older and forget about you and move on what are you now he is yeah no I'm serious I want to know Now he is. No, I'm serious. I want to know where your head's at. Yeah. I'm a little nervous.

See, I had my freak out about Vine like five months ago when engagement was so down. I like freaked out. I was like, oh my god, I'm fucking done. I even had moments like, should I quit? Should I quit comedy and just go back to Boston and be a nurse? I was about to be a nurse. Mail nurse. Really? Now Tim's back in.

Like this is fascinating. Take us through the process. I've actually envisioned you a nurse already. Oh no. Oh no. Oh, chast. Thank you for being a factor to me. Should have a problem.

No, that's not him. Yeah. Stomach is also. Stomach is like,er problem. No, that's not him. Yeah. Yeah. Stubbers is also. Stubbers is like, why not? Yes, it's not. He knows that you dig if you have gigs. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, put me on that CAA tour. Yeah. Yeah. I want to show it in LA. All right. All right. I think you guys want to come to LA.

I'll put you up. Better you wait. Well, stand up comedy was always my long-term plan, even before I came out. Yeah, I know. And now, like I'm still gonna do videos on Instagram and shit. YouTube just hit me up saying they want to help me out

with my channel. But this is, like what are, the tough thing is like balancing. So I'm doing like open mics every night in LA, and shows. Right. That's at night.

During the day, I'm trying to fucking do videos, which I'm fucking burnt out with. I kind of hate social media at that right now. I love it. Because you're a sensitive guy, bro. You are. No, I'm serious. Because you came when you come on the show, I've known that you're a sensitive guy. You know, fine was a great place for you because that fan base is a very gentle, nice supporting fan base. When you jump into this realm, especially with these fucking savages, not you, Mike, not you, Mike, look at me.

Are you looking? Yes. Are you sure? Hold on. I mean, it's, you know, it's, you're, you are a sensitive guy. So now when you, I mean, you're going to go into this comedy world, especially coming to New York, I mean, there's no fucking joke here. Are you ready? Are you ready for that? Or yeah, I mean, I'm funny. I'm going to coming to New York. I mean, there's no fucking joke here. Are you ready? Are you ready for that?

Or? Yeah, I mean, I'm funny. I'm going to go to the stage. I get up at the stand, the standing room. I'll be at the creek later, which I heard is a nightmare show in a weekday. Yeah, fuck it's good. But whatever.

I am sensitive, dude, but I use that for my art. I hate when people say my art. But anyways, I am sensitive, dude, but you know, it works out. Because you comedy's never did anything blue. You've never done anything really fucked up on your videos, really. Yeah, I mean, first I was. I love doing characters. Right. Here's the thing.

When when Vian first came out, I was doing some weird stuff. Yeah. I was swearing stuff. Then I started making money. Then I was like, oh, shit. All right, then I quit my job. Then I was like, if I need, if I want to keep making money, I got to go clean.

I really, that's why I wish the industry would call on Lewis Gomez. Just to see that coward fucking real-ass dude, just clean it up. I just, as fast as fucking right, dude, just clean up. Stop wearing whites. You know what I mean?

I mean industry, call on him, like, call on him to do what? It's like, what, like, to host the Oscars. Yeah, Lewis, stop. Could you clean it up? We have like, what do you think? You know what I mean? TV show, you can go with TV show.

I think if he does a TV show, he's a smart guy, and he'll write, you know, how he needs to. What? Wait, Lewis is smart? I'd lose a smart guy. Lewis is a hustler. Lewis is a smart guy. He's smart. For you said smart, and then you went hustler, and now you. I lose a smart loses a hustler. Lewis is not lose a smart guy for you said smart and then you went hustler and now you're gonna go he's a great guy

No, he's a smart dude 100% I mean he's a smart guy I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you.

I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you.

I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you.

I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm on there. I'll go see you know, whenever you can You say your podcast, but you make sure you get got those Let's stop talking about We'll stop talking about Ralph on the couch So my cat I have a cat name Ralph Should I take that? Yeah, I wasn't gonna joke I have a cat name Ralph. Yeah, haha. Hmm. Should I take that? Yeah, I guess I wasn't going to joke. I have a cat name Ralph.

Well, you know, you threw it in. I have a cat name Ralph too, he's the CEO of my podcast network. There's always something coach looking his own bowl. Well, dude, I wish you a lot of luck with what's about to happen. It's a scary thing. It's like, it's almost the equivalent of having a show. Yeah. And having the show get canceled. And then, you know, now you get to figure out what the fuck you get to happen. It's a scary thing. It's almost the equivalent of having a show and having the show get canceled. And then now you get to figure out what the fuck you get.

Well, social media is such a weird fucking thing because there are some people that can really monetize it and make a good living doing it. And then those people figure out a way to like, somehow, not like he said, not rely on that one network. He's doing Instagram, he's doing Instagram, he's doing divine, he's doing Twitter, and you also say he's fucking burnt out from these videos.

Well, because here's the thing, social media is like a black bot, like I get a lot of like attention with Facebook statuses from other comics and you get like a thousand likes and a hundred shares, but you know what, it's a black box. It doesn't, you know, because it's not, it's after a while, it does fuck you up.

When you wake up and the first thing you do is go to your phone and you don't notice it's a beautiful day and you have a nice cup of coffee. Like the first thing you do is check mentions and likes. I mean, it fucks you up. What do you mean? You put the monologue music on. I really keep talking.

You're like, I know the drinks. I got a fucking down. I know the drinks. I know the drinks. Are you a year? Are you even listening? You like that, monologue? This cock-second was going on. It was making great points.

I was making great points. It was about the strong rate point. Yeah, if you wake up and don't notice the beauty, it was raining today, you guys. I know. It's bad. It's social media's bad. It's toxic.

It is. I have all she day show. It's worse for me. That's what you have. I'm thinking of this thing. No. I have OCD so it's worse for me. Yeah, that's what you have My gay I love you I thought it was like it's hard but getting up in the first thing you do is run through the phone and they got them That's what I do. That's like the old media you wake up. You go to the coffee machine

You're running to the phone you go to the telegraph You go to the coffee machine. You're running to the phone. You're going to the telegraph. You're going to the mailbox. You don't know what's going on. I'm going to my go back to those days for a little bit. All this shit we got now. It's fucking hard. I would.

I love today. I love having a fight. I love it all. I love every fucking second of it. Bring it more. I want more. I want no wires. I want it all.

Well, live in a life where if you stop posting, you'll be forgotten forever. Well, I'm gonna tell me if you love it, Bobby. Okay, here's the thing though, it's gonna force you. Here's what's gonna happen. In this way, I love this business. It filters out shit. Yeah.

So now it should turn to fucking step up or get the fuck out. Right. It feels like comedy does the same thing. I don't care how fast you rise how much money you make if you're garbage you will be shit the fuck out the other end You won't be here 20 fucking years from now you'll be fucking somewhere at a fucking Ranch up and fucking sir Cooke York fucking raising your kids Sounds great. And you know, we're, how nice is it?

How many bathrooms? Yeah, you'll be in a ranch as serious as one. He installs us like, what? Sounds amazing. Your room have walls, that sounds pretty tight. I can't believe mid fucking rant he went in there. Listen, pal. It's hard to tell when something's a monologue

or just you rambling. Yes, make a decision. minute. Make a decision. Come in. All right. Well listen, I have a decision. It is a good thing. I think so. And of course it is because every, this is the one thing you'd be sure of.

Everything comes to an end. And you knew it was, it was a lasting forever. This comedy shit isn't lasting forever. Okay. All this fucking nine clubs and sold out. It's all going away. It's just, it cycles. Yeah, man. I mean, look rock and roll and fucking, dude, I fucking bond. Jovi was the biggest band in the fucking world. I mean, in the world, and now they're just millionaires. Yeah, but they, but they

listen, man, bond. Jovi's fucking? True. You know what I'm saying? Are you about to ask me to leave the podcast? It's like, you know what, right? You did well, but goodbye. Well, the point is, listen, you're not holding them, kidding. No, I'm just, I think that, you know, this will be good for you.

That's all. You'll find out what you're gonna be forced to either push stand up further, move to New York, whatever the fuck's gonna happen, write a script. A lot of people are just gonna fade the way, get a fucking job, and get me to check or a guy, and move the fuck on. I'm pitching TV shows. I can fucking close. Came so close recently. As everyone comes so close and just goes away. If you like, I should have a... What was the show?

It's not what I was just like, what? Is there a fat guy involved? Is there like a fact I was glad? It's like zany always looking at from South Bob. I'm so about Bobby. You're gonna get Bobby. Bobby. I'm about Bobby. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so about me.

Listen, I think it's good for you. So, thank you. Congratulations. Yeah. Thanks, dude. On that part of your career, fucking ending. A lot of people in the chat are wondering, they saw you on Brian Redman's, Periscope recently, on the election night.

What happened there? Wait, what do you mean? They're wondering, you were complaining about, cause we can change topics here, we can go to Trump talk. Yeah, we're not gonna Trump talk, so a nice segue, Jeppoo. I think I was saying,

like I'm embarrassed to be a white person or something like that. I was drunk. I was just, I kinda was regretting saying that at the time. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I Oh So what do they want to know? They're asking why you're whining about Trump. It sounded like oh because I was fucking disappointed that we Are have a lecture and and outright people are emotional now and like I was just at the comedy store People are crying at the comedy store It's a man. It's like stop it is fucking shit. I ready

Stop it is crying negative fucking, but don't you're not gonna get a trophy fucking idiot. It's like What do you mean tell me I got a I want to hear you Mike? I it's like what do you feel about this? I fucking so pissed off it's fucking annoying to shit out of me because No, I know nobody didn't we didn't get time out when you were okay We got a fucking beat and you would deck the beat. Right, right, yeah. You know what I mean right now? Yeah.

Every time they'll fuck you, they'll pop out my ass. Right. Right. Right of this stuff. No, that's a good point. Nice meeting. Now it's like if you, here's what happened. You have kids right now.

They only, they came up under Obama the last eight years. They don't know how to debate. They don't know how to argue. If there's somebody feels a different way than they do, they go, it's hate speech, it's racist. And they you don't have to they don't have to like get in the ring and fight You know when Hillary Clinton goes when you go low, we go high when is that ever fucking work? And they never would stop us will agree with me that is never fucking work when they go low you go lower How about this they didn't even do that though? They went low right? No, I agree

I really went low I agree with a lot of campaign in what since they go low as soon as they lost they started fucking writing they started spitting in people's faces yeah starting lighting shit on fire that's as low as you can go that's protest is not low that's low that's not low well we're this is a thing that's between the protest is it's a protest and spitting in somebody's trying and destroying property and fucking stopping people from getting protesting democracy.

He has a lot of agree with that. What is it? No, you agree with Tim when he talks. You don't agree with me. I agree. That's the problem. When he fucking backs me up, all of a sudden you agree. No, no, I agree.

They're fucking punching down. That's punching down. All these fucks that are out there crying about what is punching down mean? What is punching down mean? I just said it. I'm not repeating myself. Bobby hit him. Punch him. He's showing what I'm gonna be you hitting me. Yeah, that would count. Listen, people that have legit years about Trump 100% is people that have a right to be angry. Yes. Have a right to be afraid, but here's the deal. Here's a reality of the situation. Organize, participate in the political political process take over the Democratic Party

Yeah, pick out the fucking plutocrat. Yeah fucking people that don't listen to anybody You should have ran Bernie Sanders you did am and they fucked them. They fucked them. They fucked them. They threw Hillary fucked them Hillary fuck them Hillary fucked him. Yeah, she's not not fucking Trump His own party fucked him. Yeah, they she's not not fucking Trump. His own party fucked them. 100%. I would have vote now. You didn't say that before. Well, I had to support Hillary.

I mean, I don't. Yes, you do. You don't. Because it was her, Trump. You don't. You do not. Absolutely. If you didn't read, if all you fucked,

what was I going to do? The Bernie wasn't running. You should have fucking protested when they fucked Bernie. Can you talk about what kind of mercy is going I just want I'm just curious I don't know he's in a third world hospital where no one has closed my point is just this is gonna be like so weird election this is what I mean about fucking social media it's like I when I found out the results, I was on public access TV next to a guy who was dressed like a banana who was crying.

I said to the banana, things are gonna be okay. And then two girls turn around and me and go, you white man, you shake your mouth, you don't know what's gonna be okay. So then I said, all right, you're all gonna die. And then they got mad at that too. There's nothing to say. You can't, okay, here's a deal too.

It's almost it's, it's almost ridiculous as an adult to fucking flip out about this because it, we knew it could go one way or the other. And if it went Trump's way and they started writing and doing all the shit that they're doing, I'd be just as fucking pissed at that. I think a lot of people legitimately didn't believe that it could go this way because they live in New York and LA, and for as long as that. All the polls had it this way too. Well the media, but again the media went out there. I think he was gonna win. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you because the media is telling you your racist homophobic that you hate immigrants because you because you job moved overseas 20 years ago. And the Democratic Party told you to go fuck yourself. But let me ask you question.

Do you think it's right to just fucking just say to somebody that because you vote for this guy, you your automatically a massage That's why they lost it's why they lost. It's why they live they double down. They'll get him reelected They lost because Dal I'm a writer one which like they were supposed to be like I'll piece loving old ass shit Not a fucking maniacs on the street exactly Mike What are you gonna see stop roasted a protest. I want to see Starbrows draw some I'm a no I even vote

Of course I like Of course I vote for Hillary. They're turning to where'd you vote? I vote hidden queens. I took a nap No, you didn't you're not registered to vote. Yes, I am. Can you look at up a sea of Starbrows? I'm Seriously You can yeah, I voted I voted for Hillary working families party. I took a nap working fit this is a man who doesn't work in the doesn't have a family that's a work in that that though

uh... no they do you are right though the thing is they lost because there was no economic message because the problem was the only trump said uh... that uh... don't all right and like fifty five percent of the country didn't vote it all like my right exactly that's a big that's a big problem. There was no outreach Spanish vote for fucking Trump 30% Less than 30% more than Rubia and more black people voted for Trump and yeah Democrats have taken these it's not weird. They've taken these constituencies for granted for years They've paid a lot of lip-surfers and they've done nothing. Yeah, I mean listen the Democratic party has to shoot not for

Year, yeah, we just did five years Yeah, I mean listen, the Democratic Party has to shoot not for Hillary just here. Hillary just didn't want to get years. Hillary just didn't want to get a campaign. Sure campaign took the program message. That's the pro TPP. It's an amazing campaign. The pro, the pro-transpecific partnership, pro free trade, pro open borders.

That did not just say right. Like you know what he's talking about. Yes, I do know what he's talking about. Stop us, no. He doesn't want to. I have 100%. That's no idea. Now what is he talking about? Explain us, no. He doesn't. I have 100%. He has no idea.

What is he talking about? Explain it. He stopped. Explain it. What Tim is talking about, is that? What is Hillary Clinton? No, what did he just say? He's talking about opening global.

You're not, this is what you do. You just yell. I want to hear anybody talk. What is it? What Tim is saying is that like, because the Democrats didn't have any message about it. What did he just say? I'm fucking doing it right now.

No, I'm saying. He talked about TPP and opening global trade, the Trans-Persian partnership. What is that? What is that? It's opening fucking borders and letting and having lower tariffs for other countries so that no one has to manufacture anything fucking America. It's unfettered free trade. Thank you for making it better and using unfettered free trade thank you for making it better and use unfettered free trade yeah and the problem is that the democratic party and and the republican party listen Trump

ran against his own party he over threw it was a coup and listen he did it in a disgusting way he did say racist things he said horrible that I personally am a cynical guy I don't think he's gonna do any of that I don't want to see anyone that's not even fucking with him but listen it's not comfort I listen If I was a Mexican who didn't have my documents, I would not feel better because Trump was just being a cynical politician. I would be worried and I listen. I get it. I get the people worried. Here's what doesn't help. Let me ask you one question.

Stop. Really stop. So if you're an immigrant without papers in this country, you should not, you should feel fine. No, no, but here's the thing. Here's what I think. What do you mean, why is it bad that shouldn't they be worried? Well, here's the thing. I think it's kind of productive. Here's here to deal.

My immigration ideas, and I think the reality is this, you're not deporting 30 million illegal people. What you can do is get a secure, you can kill them or jail them. You can get us support you. I mean, you can get us secured border and you can enforce laws and you can do what Obama did which is the Port of legal immigrant criminals which is what Trump has said he was gonna do which is the same thing Obama the problem with the left is for eight years Obama had drone strikes he had warrantless wiretaps he had a kill list list, he did all these things, the empowers of the presidency, which George W. Bush expanded, expanded under Obama. And the left said nothing. They sat there for eight years and silently co-signed. Everything

Obama did because they didn't give a shit. It wasn't a drone on their fucking wedding. And now the Trump has all these powers there upset. Well, you know what, have values. Like when Stavros said, I had to support Hillary, you know, that's the whole democratic party. They always have to do something. Hey have fucking values values I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Oh You know, you can do is fucking not not fucking pick that person vote for somebody else for the Bernie I fucking don't know. I hate pain. I try. I don't believe that you have to fuck you have to support Hillary because She if that's religious shit, that's what I say.

Jesus is the God. No, it's the most unevil. The last of two evils never win. That's bad. That's never wins anything. What do you mean the bullshit? It's bullshit because exactly what he's saying, have your own morals. Believe it.

If that person, if you don't agree with Hillary and you think she's a piece of shit You think she lie you think the president doesn't you think what she's not gonna do a good job Don't you don't have to vote and you see other things I'm crazy the president we have a very Option was that third party? No, there is But you could you don't have to vote fairly there was if you're gonna go on You know no third party no third party is gonna win but it's what we have in the

created idea of what the president actually does in this country I think we are panicking now I think it's six months to a year when no one's been deported rovy way it has made it to many anti choice conservative administrations nobody has touched abortion rights yeah Trump said gay

marriage is the law of the land I mean listen could they do shitty things like the fun plant pattern? They can and I hope they don't. They can't, but I don't think. I mean, we'll see. I don't know. I'll bet you, and abortion.

They shut down Vine. I'll bet you, and abortion. What are you, what are your abortions? Okay, that's bad. That they do not close. The first thing Trump did was shut down Vine, just to give you an idea, but they're not fucking around.

There's poor kids in the street. This is what 19 year old white kids on Viner's shit in their pants. It's a fucking shrump. Well, I was at Boston, the comics come home this weekend. And, you know, first of all, the show's always a fucking monster show. And I knew I was closing it. I had anxiety about it for months, because I just, it's just a, there's no safe spot on the show you know

what I mean and I know it's gonna be wand and nicked Apollo and and and uh bill bird bill bird you know and I and psych with this you know whatever but whatever so we go and we do the show and uh I didn't really see wand I was my kid was there I was running around I really wanted really see wand. I was my kid was there. I was running around. I really wanted to see her because I love wand psychs. I love it. She's always been fucking great to me. She's a funny son of a nice woman. Yeah, she's the best. She really is.

Not she is. I like. I know I said that, Mike. I'm not fucking lying. No, no, I love it. But I think that I think what, and then she goes on. She does it. She does it. here's what happened

This is what people don't fucking get she did have a Trump joke They just didn't let her get to the fucking punchline, okay? And what and maybe it wasn't the funniest joke maybe it wasn't like a holy shit my god that's hilarious where you laugh It's a they as soon as she said his name and some shit against him She laughed as soon as she said his name and some shit against him, they flipped out on her and they didn't let her get to the fucking. She was just trying to be funny. She wasn't up there going, you know, making a speech. She wasn't up there trying to fucking, you know, turn people, what, what, she went up to,

she wrote a joke. It was topical and she went up and they fucking booed her. She had her shit set up and they didn't get a letter into the punch. No, because they heard Trump, they heardical and she went up and they fucking boot her. She had her, she had her set up and they didn't get a letter into the punch. No, because they heard Trump, they heard this, they heard that and they started going, she got three seconds into a six second fine. She shut her down.

Well, here's the thing, too, they keep saying she got boot off stage. She did not, she stood up there and fucking took it. And then she went into other jokes and they were like, fuck you. So she was like, fuck you, fuck you. It's like my deck and I'm out. I'm surprised that happened in Boston.

Such a liberal. Yeah, you want the clip liberal slash a little bit. You got the clip. Well, here we see the clip. Here's what bothered me. So if you look at this clip, look at where it's shot from. Go ahead. That's a tough angle.

Look where it's shot from. Yeah, that's weird. Behind her. It's almost behind her. Yeah. Look at that. Sound booth. Oh, it's a booth Is this the will work? So do you want to be getting the whole set or do you want the where the Trump start stuff Trump stuff all right this is the worst that wand had in the best set scope I don't know how to solve it. People, I said, guys, look on the bright side. Look at this. I was telling everybody, it's gonna be okay.

It's gonna be okay. I was like, I am so, this is not the first time. We've elected a racist, sexist, homophobic, resident. Is he the first one? He's just the first confirmed one. I can't. That's funny. I think that's funny, man. That's a funny fucking joke. And the fact and I get I get mad at both sides for this is that you are you fucking enjoy a fucking joke.

You can't fucking hear you can't you didn't fucking get that. Yeah, it's fucking true. come it's comedy. Yeah comedy It's a it's a funny joke. Maybe it was I look here's a deal. Maybe this is a this is a benefit for cancer Okay, you're not talking all Wanda's fans You're talking a variety of fans also Camnelli fan hockey fans you're dealing with a this isn't your this is a benefit to raise money for cancer You know, am I gonna do you know if I'm if I'm raising money for bad and women Am I gonna do a fucking hit my wife joke? Maybe not

But you know what I'm saying and am I gonna do my pussy eating joke? My dirtiest fucked up. Maybe not. I might switch it up and do a cue to joke because I want to be funny. I want everybody to enjoy themselves. And I want them to raise money. I don't want to. So maybe she made maybe, but you know what? As a comic, that's your choice. Was that it? That was that all she said? No, well, that's where they turned right. That wasn't that bad. I mean, that's a funny joke. They just, they heard Trump. They heard fucking racist. They heard this lesbian. Baba and you know, whatever. And what was the punchline? I don't have headphones. Who said that?

Who the fuck knew? Is he been here the whole time? Who the fuck? What the fuck? I thought Deepu is is gonna introduce me before, right? I don't even move that fuck over you weirdo. I'm talking to the microphone. Take the mic with you. It's on a cord.

Jesus, I didn't even know it was second, Bobby. I literally thought I was having a stroke. That would happen during strokes. People would be here and start talking. Basically, what she said was She was all of all her friends were fucking flipping out It was kind of what she pal did and that skit you know what I mean? It's like all my friends are flipping out and I was like relax. This is probably not the first racist sexist

You know, blah. I'm president. Pomo faux president. We found pretty sure there's been other ones It's a funny joke. Maybe the song that he said this is the first she said This is the first confirmed one first confirm that's funny Which is yeah, which is funny right? Yeah, and you know what she didn't get boot off stage She got booed, but she stayed on stage and I was on the other side have to crack a lot of people going We love you wand up. Oh, no. What were you doing when you're watching? Anakin Oh, no, what were you doing when you're watching? Hanoking.

Really? Ah! Ah! That's predicated. But it isn't. Here's the fucking other one. Yeah. So now she's up doing this happens.

Yeah. And I love Wanda. She fucking stood up there, took it, fuck you, suck it, walked off, right? Did her think. I have a quote about how she was brought off by Dennis Leary. Okay, go ahead. As she came out to, as he came out to introduce next comic

on the line of Leary, defended Sykes, telling the crowd that she came all the, as he came out to introduce next comic online of Leary, Defended Sikes, telling the crowd that she came all the way from LA with the benefit and deserved their respect. Yes, that's great. Absolutely, because we're here, you know, look at man, Cam Naley, one of the fucking greatest hockey players of all time. I mean, a big tough motherfucker was up there.

I couldn't even get through a speech at the beginning because he was tearing up so much. This is the alpha male I'm about and he's up here. All he's trying to do is save people from the hideous fucking disease. And he's trying to do it with laughter with his friend and it's grown from the dipolo go after her. I'm setting this up with a little crack. I want to give that a big

So yeah, so she goes up happens I you know I And then right after that yeah Right after that give me this fucking phone. I'm sorry babe I'm shutting this off Right after just like that put it on you sit on it. Perfect Don't put it into your asshole. You lost. Don't want to come on us. Sorry.

It was the last week to get that one. Um, stuff. She um, yeah, the Apollo goes up next. But again, the Apollo is a comic. I got to know him too. He's got to make a decision. He's like, do I go up and reference this? Do I go up and just do my act?

Do I go up and say something? He's a Republican. He voted for Trump. He loves it. What do I do? Now, my fans are here. People who know me. What do I do?

I go up and just go, hey guys, yeah. What about school lunches? What does he, you know what I'm saying? So he made a decision too. What's the quote about from the Boston Harrel? It says, then Nick Depaula took the stage unleashing a torrent of comments about liberals Boston women and Jews Last one really It's you I love being at a point like a point in the business when you don't give a fuck.

He does not give a fuck like, well I think he was trying to reach his particular fans in that crack. Yeah, apparently, you think so? Yeah. But then here's the thing. He did, he called this funny because Barney made me laugh. He called this woman, tried to rush the stage and attack him

in a Bruins jersey by the way. Which is how he tried to attack him. Well, she tried to rush the stage and attack him in a brewing jersey by the Attack him. Well, she's saying she was matched. No, they don't have video She goes He goes I look at this as jubber from Peabody Don't Bonnie thought Don't Bonnie thought she won an award. She's like, I, Vosco is not. It's a town in Boston. She goes, Oh, I thought she won an award.

She was a Jewish woman that won a people's awards. So I like it. He did his thing and he goes, and then he went into jokes. He went, look at, and people turned on him. A lot of people turned on him too. And it was like, fuck you. The lady had to on him. A lot of people turned on him too. And it was like fuck you, the lady had to get kicked out. The crowd was turning on each other. Oh geez.

People were walking. This is a benefit for fucking can't do it. So then, me and Burl, I'm pacing. Burl's up next. How is he? Cool calm. Yeah, I mean, look, I mean, we're all kind of like, what the fuck, you know, right then you have to put

a pull an audible. I had my sat ready to go. Now I'm pulling an audible. And it depends on what Bill does. I don't like what the fuck? You know, right then you have to pull an audible. I had my set ready to go. Now I'm pulling an audible. And it depends on what Bill does. I don't know what the fuck he is. He's gonna go up and go, you know what, fucking, that fucking Hillary's a twa, and fuck Trump too.

Fuck, you know, I don't know what he's doing. He goes up, just does a fucking amazing bit. He goes, ah, I don't know what I voted for. I think fucking Walsh, whatever, anyways. Right, goes into this fucking joke and just annihilates from front to back. Just fucking kills and just brings the whole crowd back into funny mode. Nice. Then I'm going up.

I'm like, oh shit. But this is great for the crowd. You know, now I'm like, fuck me. You know what I mean? I gotta go out after. Now I gotta fall, you know, one of the great comics in the country right now. And the right, the left, and then Bill Burr. That's a nightmare situation.

Not really. Fuckin' lunch and then the helicopter while I'm doing my own job. I remember someone walked by, it's gonna be good, man. You're gonna kill, I gotta shut the fuck up. So, you told me shut the fuck up, it's great. So thank God, Larry brings me up. He goes, oh this guy was, he was on the job,

back then he had hair. I did a show with them, you know, he's great actor. Give it, and then he brings me out. I go, did you just bring me up? I had hair and I was, I'm a good actor. It's a fucking comedy show you asshole. Fucking Phil Burr, the best comic art. And Bayes, he's a good actor.

You ever need a fucking character actor? He's the guy. And how'd you do? Did you kill? Yeah, of course. Fucking talking to him. Fucking monster. Fucking monster.

I killed. I know. I should talk to Stavros's friends, then I did good. But listen, how do you think you did? How do you think you did? My mother walked up to me. How do you think you did? I was like, I punched her in the face and caught her at content. I was, I was just at the standing room, had my best set to date. I like something clicked, I switched up my set. How are you even segueing into this?

I don't know, that's insane. It's insane. Bobby said it was burnt, it was me, it was the policies. I was at the standing room, the capacity's 90. I had the best that I've ever had. I'm about to 18,000 people about to fucking lose my career. Literally, it's gonna go wander when that mixer racist, Billy's the God

in that last fact I bomb. What do you got right, dude? I'm getting to it. I'm relating to, how do you think you did? Yeah, please, read that to it. So I did good. I feel good. I usually don't feel good,

no matter how well I do. And then a woman after the show comes up to me and is like, I said, did you have fun? And she's like, well, I can give you some feedback if you want. Oh, no. Oh, geez. And I said, no, don't. All right.

Good. I'll just keep this bump in. No, you're not. That's not a bad story, but you're really off. You have no, I mean, literally. Yeah. Literally, you're playing soccer. We're playing fucking with football.

I'm trying to relate Okay, here's yes, I'm gonna let you tell Mike, but here's a new rule on the show. Hey let Bob finish his You fucking Yo storage what do you got Bob did you have to be electric factory and filly? Yes Let me explain this one Please please do please like December of 2003 I was myself Nick John Melendez auto Godwurst is allah Slug broken myself. Yeah, it was like a really bad storm, right? Yeah, it took us four hours to get the fill in all he was on the show with us. Yeah, right?

They yelling at us being up there that find the yeah, they started fighting with fucking with Nick auto almost cried It was the fuck the purpose. Yeah, yeah was we took a flop the poppers. Yeah, yeah, the poppers. I was trying to join auto and George. I'm just making crap. Just fucking brutal. Right? I'm like, yeah, didn't only make me a chance to be in that fucking place. Okay, people getting the rest that it was sick, man. Are you done? Yeah, yeah. That's the fucking story. No, but I mean, by the way, are you related? I didn't listen, fuckface, I

killed it. Hope is I'd be great. Your shit. I, I, I mean, but I you're related. I didn't listen fuck face. I killed it. Hope he is I did great. Your shit. I did. I Bobby, you ever had a salad? I Had a pretty good one today. Can I get that? That's it. That's how I get rid of this. Oh, you Yeah, yeah. No, that's funny. You say that. No, no, that's funny. You say that. No, I'll tell you why I'll tell you why you said that And I would have left it that because I know, but one of my things when I went up I had to come up with you know That's when you're a comic you it's like dude. This is a fucking fucked up situation I can't just go up and do the jokes at the set. I was gonna do I had to like okay, he just said this

And that I can't believe it. I if I go and say that it could they could turn on me They could be like, oh fuck you. That's leery. We you know what I mean leery Yeah, you that risk you take and then I went you, that's leery. You know what I mean, leery, yeah. That risk you take. And then I went in, I go, and I was like, you know what I hate? I'll tell you what I fucking hate. Salads. I hate fucking salads.

I hate vinegar at dressings. I hate fucking almonds. People who like almonds, I fucking hate your face. Fuck you. I hate Greek yogurt without the rosemary and the honey. If it's just plain fucking, I, so I just want to have to tangent about that. And then I went right into my fat riot cop joke which worked But it's like I made those choices to and so didn't want us she made it and so did Nick and you live with that as a comic

But they were coming they weren't coming from fuck you. I want to piss you off They were coming from what do I say should I say this I'm gonna fuck you. This is funny I think it's funny and then they did it now You know that's how fucking crazy are we are right now everybody needs to settle the fuck down man settle the fuck down, but I understand your story because I performed in a bar for nine people Two of them went to the bathroom in the middle of my set I said this is gonna be tough. I watched one open mic guy go up before me.

He lost them. Next person was trying comedy for the first time. They lost them. Then the bartender yelled last call. He didn't do well. He wasn't going to go in the wild. So then I'm like, this is my career right now. Hey, I didn't even push.

We got the sound, right? Yeah, we got it. We always got a backup here, thank God. I was just about to, you know, just pull back. I didn't push the fucking button. Huh? Can you please,

will you please help my stupidness? Look at me. If you're not going to touch my dick, will you please help help my dumbness? Always. Okay. So this hasn't been recording the whole time We have we got we got back up on the story. I

I've fuck listening to me. You know these podcasts. I've done that. We're amazing and that the halfway through I look down This the early days I look down and I haven't I didn't hit the record Everybody's like I mean people just buckled Dan Joe buckled over laughing and then I fuck it and you see me like this Dan Joe buckled over laughing and then I fucking I just see me like this I just wasted their afternoon I was on one of those the first time I was on yeah, well I did that cuz I still I do have that If you want you can have it if you want to put on how did you come up with the name right? Do it like how to name you fuck no, it's not money I said that's not his name

Listen take a hand off your hip All right you ballerina what do you listen? You got why don't you get chairs in a fucking comfortable buddy? Why don't you fuck I'm a jealous I'm at some jazz buddy those are regular I gotta get a car to a restaurant. I was gonna take you but now you'd be very hostile. Sorry I can't I haven't had a sugar ore green three weeks That's great Well, you know what let me take right now if you don't every now and then have one you your body will get used to the good stuff

So you got to trick your body and have a little bit of Every couple of weeks you got to have a little bad stuff. Do me a favor is true your little T cup a couple of weeks you gotta have a little bit of stuff. Do me a favor. Is true. Your little T cup. You're taking hands on the hips. All right, I want to stop at his name. I'm not taking, I'd rather do it.

I really not, what, you're confront your internalized homophobia. I don't have homophobia. Oh, all right. Do I not love, you think I'm a homophobic? No, I'm kidding, but I don't agree. New York's got better Italian than Boston. You're ready to fucking mine.

You're fucking nuts. All right, all right. Try doing, God damn queers. All right, all right. All right. All right, dude. Goddamn queers. What do you got, Ryan? I look so beautiful. And dimples. Yeah, you do have dimples.

I love the Gis and one. Who's on the phone now? I'll show you. I'll show you. What do you got? My name is Ryan Muldoon. When I first started Vine, I had bosses and shit shit so I chose my aim screen name from high school, which is right, dude Because I didn't want to be searchable online and then what do you know?

I become a fucking megastar all of a sudden I'm stuck with right dude Now you can go back to your original name. No, I can't just change all my handles Who is the bump in there? I mean, I thought of guys. You guys, you're the mega star. The guys at the top of that vine pyramid, what are they gonna do now? That, you know, like the top 10 dudes. They're gonna just do TV and movies and stuff.

And I'm gonna try to do TV and movies. Right, stop it. You gotta do it. You know what, stop. I want you low self-esteem. You're gonna do TV and movies. I mean, I was on Marin, you're on Marin as well. You're gonna do TV and movies, you'll be in there.

Were you part of that coup where all the vinders tried to extort vine for $2 million or whatever? Who was that? That was the top 22. Like Nash Krier and all those guys? I don't know if he was involved. It was like, you know, some dudes in Dudes.

They sat down with Vine and were like, hey, if you want us to keep posting, pay us $1.2 million each, which was a stupid plan. Like, why would you ask for that much money? So pretty much, they, they, Vine said no, and they said, I swag, and they walked away in there. I don't know, school walks. You should have gotten in there. That makes sense. I know you should not be really should have got in there. You should have gotten that group. That was the move. I look at comics when they came up and I'm like,

that guy sucks, he's got no jokes. Now I'm like, I should have made friends with that person. That was a big mistake. Big mistake. They have a new company called Hype. Yeah, yeah, Vanda Creators. Oh, I'm sharing. Yeah, yeah, but the creators Yeah, we know that's why we're laughing

I get a lot of your butt heat Yeah, I gotta just start hyping now, but yeah, the creators of mine came up with hype, which I don't know what it is Yeah, here's the greatest thing and it's like Trump has a new app if you've heard about it It's cool and a lot of people using an ask for the national muslim registry really listen back to this fucking trump thing it is really it's it's fucked up to me that even in that environment of a comedy show where they're raising money

they you know even the republicans who say that the democrats can't get a joke. The liberals don't know how to have fun. Dude, loosen the fuck up. Everybody, everybody right now. And one of the sites is one of the funniest comments. Funny, hilarious.

That we fucking have. Everybody right now is too fucking. Oh, God. Too emotional. People need to stop with the emotion. I don't, look at, I don't mind. Look at, I really believe like for women who Hillary was almost there. Imagine, imagine being a black kid. See, you're finding is this the last

one? It's the last one. Instagram. Sure. The final line. Here's the thing. Imagine being a black kid and growing up and then looking and seeing a black president. Great. Come on. That's huge. Yeah. It's fucking great. Now, imagine being a little girl and seeing a woman president. Now, look about that. Imagine being a racist.

Now you get a rate that like everybody has to matter. Like London says, you were doing that for years. Yeah. But I mean, but it's funny. I think it's your pal. I want to talk about your pal real quick. Yeah. You know, look, I love she pal.

We all love she pal. It's almost half to say she pal. I the funniest fun. It we get it. He is you know, they may say yeah prior You know, who's who's one of the funny prior? Okay, it's almost But what he did on SNL this weekend, man His his monologue what he said and then the skinny did with Chris rock. I think it was fucking I was it really Made me feel good Because I've been saying this to you the whole time that we've made progress. We have to stop saying that we're not a better America than we were a fucking a year ago, two years ago, ten years ago. We're fucking. We're better America than we were. Yes, is it not, is it happening

as fast as we'd all love it to happen now? It is scary though when it's like when Mike Pence, who's the vice president now, doesn't want marriage equality to happen. When, when bright, I mean, look at the Steve Bannon's in the fucking White House. He's the right bar. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Well, here's Stavros. People disagree with you. People disagree with me. Yeah.

Guess what? He's a fucking people. And guess what? And guess he's not a, I don't know if he's a white spirit. Here's the deal. But he isn't anti-Semite. But he's a deal. I don't know what's in anybody's heart.

I don't know what's in anybody's heart. I don't know that Hillary Clinton's not a fucking anti-Semite. You don't fucking know that Hillary Clinton. Her and her husband presided over the largest period of mass incarceration in the country's history. They completely decimated the black family, and then they turned around and said, all black people vote for me. And fuck you. You know, like she's a bad kid.

So at the end of the day, look at what she did. You voted for her. You're talking about Breit. You're talking about somebody who writes, writes fucking articles Who cares? These people had the power now. He has the power though. Now he's a political strategist. That's a hack fucking no Not it's not the secretary of state. We see he's gonna be new and by the way Trump. Oh, Trump. Oh, it's nothing to anyone. You want to hear the real politics of this? Here's the real politics. It's really funny. The reality. He's reality. Trump. Oh, it's nothing to the democratic want to hear the real politics of this is the real politics is really funny the reality is reality trumpos nothing to the democratic party to the media to anybody nobody can appoint somebody to be the fucking secretary of fuck you and nobody can you can want and you can write blogs you know what

did you should all do get your fucking party back and fucking make some changes yeah but how do you know the media is the real evil one with all this shit going on that's right Mike literally I feel like I was in a hot ever-loan watch the sunrise How do you know have to shoot a shrew about how all of him you know I don't know how much a shrew about either one I'm just I'm just about the media No, we have to begin first of all buddy. You absolutely do know it's true about Hillary and Trump. Okay, it's out there, but but She is not I'm not a love of Trump. I didn't even think the guy should

My point is this I was gonna I was gonna I it is scary when he said he wants to spend his weekends in Florida his weekends in Florida. That is what he wants to be on his golf course. I mean, that is Bobby. I want to become you. Bobby, that is a little scary. And he said he still wants to have campaign rallies because he likes the adulation of the crowds. This is Obama had to explain him like, what a president did.

He literally doesn't know what a president did. Listen, it is me. I was invoting for Trump. I was going to vote for fucking Hillary. Yeah. Okay. I get it. I understand it. And I get why girls, like, women are sad and they're mourning.

It's like when the Red Sox didn't win the World Fucking Series, I was bummed out for a week. That was their World Series. They were about to have a woman in office. Seriously, because you can't tell, no, it's not. Maybe it's more than that, but you can't tell, no, it's not, because maybe it's more than that, but you can't tell me that they didn't know her flaws. Well, there isn't, listen, there is,

there's a lot of people. But they overlooked it. There is a lot of panic about it. Because trouble so much worse, that's it. That's what people, yes. Stop, shut up. One second, yeah. It's because they were voting for a woman too.

Not everyone. Listen, a lot of it dude a lot of it She has yeah, he does that though. She has that's no. Yeah, when you say that's sure a lot I said does you said all of them instead of a lot of them No, I'm not moderating your point. No, you you actually what you did is you break it down Not and he a lot of them did most of them did but you're sitting here to deal There is a legitimate here and there's a lot of people that go you know What do they get we don't know what to do a rovy wait? I look at I've heard about rovy Wait since I'm a little kid and it has never been overturned

It's never gonna get overturned and the states like people always the states Oh fucking play shit. It is but they can never gonna get it I never gonna be overturning if Ruth Bader Ginsburg dies while Trump's in fucking office and he gets the conservative job. It's how it's fucking in play Dude the conservative judges might not even do that listen. You had a lot of money. You had conservative judges Do you realize how Scalia Scalia would have done it but Roberts like a lot of these guys won't a lot of these jurists won't do it You actually have to look at how conservative the judge is. You'd have to be very concerned.

And here's the other thing. Well, they have the Supreme Court, which people don't really know. There is a wisdom with the court where if a law has been decided, okay? The only way that they necessarily revisit it. And it's only happened a few times in history as if there's been a significant change in order for them to review that law and overturn it. Like gay marriage or Roe v. Wade, generally those things are probably safe because there hasn't been a significant change in circumstances that would make them revisit and overturn the

law. I really, you know, I don't think you're going to see a husband. I hope it doesn't happen. I don't want women to not have abortions. Listen, I, first of all, of course not. And I don't want anyone deported. I mean, this is the thing. I don't want any of that to happen. But I also don't think the way forward

is to wear safety pins on your shirt to show that somebody agrees with you. I mean, that's- Yeah, and we're shutting down traffic in Times Square and being violent. You can't refuse to engage. Can you fucking protest? Well, now a generation of people, Bobby,

that have been told they don't have to argue, they don't have to debate, they don't have to engage with people who disagree with them are going to have to do so or they're going to stay in the minority forever. That's it. And there's a thing, learn how to debate. Going back to Dave Chappelle, what he said, especially, he's looking around the White House and it's all Black people. It's great.

And there's hilarious and Doug, whatever his name was, the White man, right? Hilarious. So that was my point is that we, we've made progress. We had a Black president. It's great and there's hilarious and Doug whatever's name was the white right hilarious So that was my point is that we we've made progress. We had a black president We were this close to having a woman president and yes, I don't think I think Trump is fucked up But it's good because it wakes people up now. We know the next election Maybe it sets the path for somebody new maybe we don't have to be a Next election Maybe it sets the path for somebody new maybe we don't have to be a frozen next election What are you gonna get mad now that I made a joke? No, no, no, no

I was just I had a good thing in your style It wasn't that good because I forgot it but listen He waited for this dick to play the fucking music. Oh he keeps listening to me. I'm trying to draft listen to him Oh him don't listen to me. I'm trying to draft the rattlesnake Do you want to draft the rattlesnake. Do you want to support the snake? I just bombed in life, not even on the show. What else? The hell clip or?

I would like to hear it. Yeah, I just thought it really touched me. It was weird when comedy touches me, when I laugh and I'm like, God damn it, this is great. And the skinny did with Chris. I can can't it's just it's so funny because it's all these white libbles Talking about the shit and they're like what the fuck? Are you like it's gonna be all right? You know, you stop. Do you have something your eye again? Yeah, I just I just something It's like a hair. I've look a hair

Really disturbing you All right, here's what you do every fucking eight seconds. You like to look. And my eyes. Listen, you're in my eye. This is what I see. Ready? You come up.

You go like this and you go. Do you have some power? You don't have to take her. What? Do you have some sleep apnea? No. I'm not asleep. Yeah.

I go a second. What? Good question, Mike. I got an eyelash earlier today. I had an eyelash my eye. Is this the I don't want to watch the whole monologue? Sorry, America's that just jump in. We've actually we've actually elected an internet troll with our president. Can I stop for one second? It's really true. So yeah, it's almost, listen, here's the,

I just remember talking to you, the whole step of the way and him, you said it's not gonna happen. I know, he's not gonna happen. Stavros is gonna leave us to live. It was the producers. This is the producers, this presidential run, he didn't wanna win from the beginning, he wanted to be second place, and it fucking happened.

I mean, look at his eyes, dude, that picture with Obama, you know how. He is that he has to do work. Trump hasn't had to work that far. But the reason he won is because of people like Starvers going oh, he's not gonna. That's a fucking very exactly. Yeah, but that's a very good point. You know bummed out He wanted to start a TV network called Trump TV. They were taking meetings with major media guys They wanted to fucking start Trump. they were gonna take Fox News down yeah we're gonna get Hannity and Ann culture they're probably gonna go to Alex Jones and get some of these fucking Yahoo's that was the plan yeah the plan the whole time Bob wait a minute now so wait they were taking meetings last week I just say you know smart Obama's yeah yeah I mean he stepped in there and just and it's like you know it's just he's brilliant. Yeah, I mean, he stepped in there and just it's like, you know, it's just he's stepping

He knows where a comma goes. He knows Fucking Trump has had somebody do this shit for him forever. Yeah, we're fucked. He's so Problem right now. He has to wake up in the morning. Do you know what? Listen, they offer John K. Sick to job a vice president, right? Trump's son went to Kich and said listen you're gonna be in charge of foreign and domestic policy and Kasich said well what is your father gonna do and they say he's gonna make America great again Trump just wants to go and give rallies and sh** I mean this is why I wasn't I wasn't a Trump supporter listen I think you know what I think we I don't think I want to talk about the the popular vote. Yeah. Why the fuck?

Yeah. If more people vote for one person, now, I'll tell you why. I know why. I know why. I know why. First of all, the vote election would be completely different. Many Republicans in places like New York in California, stay home. We need, first of all, we need Tim Dylan music, because when he goes on a roll, listen

I'm gonna say, a compliment. Let me give you a compliment. Okay. All right. It's not about your hair When he starts talking you just start everybody listens you like Here's the deal. I everybody's got all popular about popular vote It's a completely different election it would change the way candidates campaign that it would change who voted Republicans in New York in California and Democrats and traditionally Republican states like Texas stay home because they don't feel like they're vote counts. So a popular vote election would totally change the way the election people campaign and the way people vote. The reason we don't have a popular vote and the reason we have an electoral college is a

bit more complicated but at the end of the day we are a laughing. It's not complicated to prevent a Trump. It's to prevent like a demagogue The other deal Bobby We are it's supposed to be a loose association of 50 states with a with a competent federal government We were never supposed to have a federal government with 25 intelligence agencies and that we were never supposed to have this type of government In fact, we have we were set up as a loose association of different states and territories

that did their own thing. Missouri is gonna do their own thing. New York's gonna do their own thing because laws don't make, a gun laws in New York City and Vermont are different for a reason, they're different places. You can't have a one size fits all policy. Well, let me ask you this question, too.

Why are you doing better in life? Well, I became, I every day, you're smart, every day, so I wanted to do comedy. Comedy is a big mistake. You sound like you should be not in Ralph's son's apartment. I know, but there was snake said

that if I just kept going, I was gonna fucking become the fifth skanker, whatever. You have fifth skank. But I chose comedy. I chose comedy. Listen, listen. Now you disagree with him? I don't disagree.

I just think the reason we have to like to college is I said it you would. You would have been meaner about it. It's why. I was out of your name. If you want to have the last one talking about I like that. I told him if you want to do the popular vote, do the popular vote, but don't think it's necessarily always going to break in your favor. It's not, but it, I mean, historically, I think it would help Democrats, actually, because

it was historically what? Huh? You said historically it would have in the recent history. I mean, it's the people that want one though. You just write off, basically, if you do a pop-up voting, you kind of just write off the entire country. You go New York, you California, you live a certain way. I can't tell you have way more confidence in Star Wars or you're just smart. You don't, you don't write off the whole country. I mean,

you just, you, you have, sure, Ohio loses its fucking credibility. Florida isn't as important. You sound dumb when you swear. Okay, sure, Ohio loses its credibility. Florida isn't as important as it is. But and it does help smaller states and stuff like that. But we just have more people in cities. They're votes. I don't know. But if listen, people in cities own nothing, they don't have a lot of them don't have a ton of skin

in the game. They don't own property. They don't pay taxes like the whole idea is it's like, all right, if you go with property, more expensive, where they live. I mean, they're just, I understand. But city like in New York City, America doesn't even work. Like people are miserable. They work to fucking 16 hours a day to live in a box.

You know, you go to other places and somebody owns a house that fucking the price of the house is in direct relationship to how many people want to buy. You know, at the end of the day, it's like, we're not, we depend on the government a lot more than rural Americans do in many, many cases. You know, we have a lot, so it's just different. So you can't say that like the things that work in New York

or work in San Francisco We're always gonna work in Idaho or Iowa those you know a speed limits in New York at 55 you go other places It's 80 these are different things so at the end of the day. But should that means they should have undo Say on how the election comes out. I don't think they have undo say on how do you like? I mean listen like a guy in Pennsylvania's vote counted way more or rural Pennsylvania, his vote counted much more than our votes count. But here's the deal. But then if you do a pop vote election, I'm telling you, people can't paint differently and it'll be a different thing. I'm not saying, I'm not totally

against taking away the electoral college, but don't think it's always going to break in your favor. I don't know. There's that I just think there was a ton of more direct democracy. But the direct democracy was not how the country was set up. We were not set up for direct. We were a constitutional republic. We have laws. We have state.

We have things. But this isn't how the electoral college was originally done. No, I understand that. But the idea like we're a direct amount. We're not a direct democracy at all. Sure. But at this point, the electors can switch. The electoral college is turned into a shadier version of direct democracy.

Because it's not your supposed to elect. And I'm if you over turn the electoral college, you and I'm the elect if you if over turn your Electro college fine. I'm saying it once happy. Yeah, Mike Thing is and the mic I think I think the Trump is like a spider on the web right now very true Mike Absolutely correct. Yes. All right. He's a wrecking ball I would say he's a tarantula. He's a wrecking ball the throttle crop system Maybe maybe not maybe maybe the whole thing maybe a burn to the ground Hold on one second. Go ahead my Trump is very cool, right?

You got to start worrying about stuff in other countries like he's wearing a suit and tie now, right? But if that fucker puts a uniform on we're gonna be in some shit like I said that's Davos absolutely He should not have a uniform I'd like to see him in a What kind of uniform would batman? General patterns gunball things like that We're kind of uniform in Batman. You know, like general patterns, gunball, things like that. Yeah, you know what I mean? Here's a deal of Trump could do some of the milder things.

Like if Trump can do what he said, like with the trade, we negotiate trade, bring back jobs, walk us back from the br- we had to brink with fucking Russia. You know what I mean? Like we were really ready to fucking fight. We were in service. Doesn't that scare you, though, too? The CIA set up a fucking thing in the Ukraine like, taunt Russia, bro.

You cannot start taunting Russia. You can't, unless everyone wants to fight. I don't want to fight Doesn't it seem like Putin is no you don't want to trolling us? Troll like what are you gonna fight you're gonna go over to Russia and fight? Hey buddy, don't do my joke back on me This cuz Mike loved my fucking Maybe all the vine guys old fucking sign up for the service now that they have nothing to do You aren't genius to get that many followers. I'm doing this 25 years. I can't even fucking sell it to beef steak Charlie I know 25 years ago vine was much harder to crack

You know the call people over the phone Mike Is it a joke, Pes, you got to start My vines I don't know if you can bring one of them up. I used to do great vines You got to start. Yeah. No fuck kind of people. Yeah. My vines, I don't know if you can bring one of them up. I used to do great vines. Please God do. Yes. Let's see some bobby vines. I remember those.

Please press. I'm gonna try to let us. The only vines that were good when I was having the baby, and I started getting all this baby stuff, and I didn't how to use it. So I'd open up the box, I'm like, what the, what the,

how do you use this fucking thing And then I just put my dog Kelbee in it and he just be like rocking in it Kind of a visual just and then I did it was and then I did I did therapy with my baby So I'd be like I just can't get it you know I'm trying to work on my thing But people are just suck and I don't and then it would just cut the max isn't fucking work on my thing but people are just suck and I don't and then it was just cut to max and fucking yeah that's from my though baby. Well your vines look a lot of like highly produced I know a lot of them really produce. Let's watch one of

his vines. Can we watch one of our? What is your uh you get a compilation? Let's see this. It's why fucking deep who's on point man since Scopo left. Oh geez. My grasp is false Oh, sorry, can you make it big? Close your eyes when you cross the street buddy on your mark scissors And they got What you guys make I made a kick ass bomb I am Mr. Punch that's the best one. Sorry, I left the punch. Oh, sorry. Oh, we laughed over it. So, wasn't that mean we... Yeah, here's me, Carl. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

What's the meaning of life? Shh, shh, shh. Swung me with... Give me bitches. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. He's got a point. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Nice. Play with his child. What sound does a lion me? Yeah, grrr

I'm comfortable conversing. You still like me if I was gay Oh, Jesus Sweet potato Beautiful smile sir We'd prefer a treat I This is 30 minutes long by the way You gotta check this out. The reason why the ones used to do too that made me laugh, because you would walk up, and I want to ask you too,

you'd walk up to these fucking homeless people, or people on the streets, and you didn't plan this, their responses were real, right? For the most part. Oh, damn it. That's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen. There might be the time. When I asked that girl, I was like,

your name is Danielle, not Daniel, right? That's the most part. I mean, now it is Daniel. I mean, my dick is gone. I have a change purse, but... Most of them were authentic. Third times where I would say like, I didn didn't fit that can you say that again? And you would walk up to people and just fucking do shit

Yeah, and I would walk around town looking like a psychic. I get it Almost one guy one is gonna hit you. Yeah, there's one time in a central square in Cambridge Which you know, it's like where all I know where it is all the crazies are Yeah, I went up I was running a wig and I just went up lately filmed one dude and I was just like it's a beautiful day And he's shit a homeless dude, but I was kind of exploiting although I said that kind of Exploiting That's how I fucking fell love with you Walk up to people like a beautiful day. Yeah, no fuck I don't love you. Walk up to people like,

the beautiful day again, don't fuck up. I don't even care. Did you ever give them money? Oh yeah, all the time. So after you did it, you'd give them what, like, a 20 bucks. 20 bucks. You know, I've been always for a homeless man.

You know, I've got, I've got to change my shoes. I would buy them food and stuff. Then I just started giving them crack. It was cheaper. It's much cheaper. I give them 20. I better cut it.

Dude, when they were on crack, it was funnier when they were fucked up. I actually cut up the middle man for them because I didn't want them to have to get up and go get it. Yeah, I get to do more shoots. He had trouble walking so I was getting a crack right there. No, but with that dude, I filmed him and he was like, you fucking filming me as like I was like I'll delete it right now here.

I deleted it. I showed him that he started approaching me with a bottle on his hand. He touched the bottle over my head. That was a scary one. Speaking of that, draftkings.com. This Thanksgiving. I should bottle over my head. That was a scary one. Speaking of that, draftkings.com. This Thanksgiving, this week, people, and there's no better combo than Turkey and football. Unless, of course, your fantasy football season isn't going quite as planned. And your family won't let you hear the end of it.

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How's that? With your first deposit, that's Kelly. Play for free for your share of the $100,000 in total prizes this weekend. Go to DraftKings.com now. DraftKings.com now DraftKings.com LG will use tricks and we imply she's never detailed. Bob can I do something right? Here's a thing. Your code for DraftKings? Yeah I used it last year I won 600 bucks. Whoa. I'm telling you man and use code word dude. No use code word Kelly for this one Kelly for this one If you're if you're I know you fucking lunatics all my fans you're fans

They keep coming back to me. So I know you're using the code keep using it Keep using draft Kings dot com and use the code Kelly Speaking of Thanksgiving. It's this week right next week next week. What's up? Do you want to see your vines? Did you want to play? I do want to play one in one second Okay, sorry. I want to say I invite you coming over. I have to see it when I'm going home. How you going? I don't know yet. I don't know yet. I would do a thing. So if you guys want Mike not you Just cuz you got to meet my wife first. Maybe I'll invite you to the barbecue next year Yeah, look what you can just meet your wife at Thanksgiving now? What are you nuts? What's the big deal about because it's my house?

It's cold. There's no place to go the barbecues and outside He's gonna you got to do a general first general meeting. I need a wide fucking swath of grass No, anyways. I'm very excited about Thanksgiving. Yeah, let's play some of them. But you wanna see my vines? I wanna see it. Let me tell you right now, I would love to.

Tim, here's a problem with you, okay? Yes. This is a problem with all you fucks. You know, you first meet these guys, Mikey, and they're all, oh, thank you so, and then they get to know you, and all they wanna do is rip you down. That's what's about that. That's what's about that. That's what's about that. They're happening right now. Oh, thank you so and then they get tonight and all they want to do is rip you down

That's what's about that right now You can just come down first everybody's like hey Bobby hey dude. Hey, man Yeah First too much to come to like hey man is cool gonna be friends or like bullshit, right? Yeah, then a fucking fine-oity three days. You know what I mean the bullshit? Hey Mike Can you do can you do video on a podcast? I? Think I'm gonna replace both you with Mike push up Look at they both you guys is younger brother. Hi, but whatever his name is I love you You back on anytime. I just see his face. I think of you so much as a comic

You do and vines and it is hilarious body. I'm joking. I'm fucking kidding. I'm not fucking gonna be a serious response I'm not gonna see this response. I want to see these vines wait. Can I ask you guys one second? Yeah, please help me guys doing comedy Six years six years. Yeah four years. That's Beginning right you think Bob? Yeah, it's like yeah, it's been 10 to 12 years to be a headliner right you think Not now not now with the amount of comedy clubs that are out there now and their standards, no. A lot of people, a lot of people would be headliner not even be funny. Because people that just get on stage go, hey, I don't like guns and people go, that's right, it would just be a laughing. I was serious, it's funny that you go in and so many of these fucking headlines are doing 45 minutes.

Yeah. Walk in the fuck off stage. Right. I can do 45 minutes on my fucking head. What are you doing, you go up hour hour six hour ten Wow, yeah, I mean at least an hour for sure. That's my podcast every week is an hour hour 10. Where's that podcast? On Comptonation How to go through hellholes like we did yesterday. I mean there was no You didn't great now

You're never wrong. You're great now Tell them what you're like and you're never wrong. You're always right Yeah, no, but the thing is you're not you're always right nice and Sheldon in the city The truck to a fucking yeah, I go on three o'clock and one David tell you want one third in the morning to Sheldon but sometimes we'll go to a festival where we get our rooms paid for and food vouchers and People are attentive and really enjoy our stuff but then the food's not great. It's like whatever. So I get it. I totally get it. I really, I really is. I fucking phenomenal. Yeah. Sometimes we just perform in cities where everyone is predisposed to love us. Yeah. Have you guys, I did everything?

Don't hate to play, I hate the game. I did very, very, from Jewish temple to Mafia gig. So, I mean, I don't know if you guys. Well, there are no Jews and there is no Mafia. I don't know what you want us to do. Jews are going in Trump's room. Yeah, that's for sure. All right, what do you got?

Oh, there he is. I feel like flying already, cancel Bobby, like, years ago. It should be coming through. ago I think right dudes would better Press press in the video itself right up there buddy This is just when he rewind This is just when he rewind. Just when he's in. Listen.

We just let it play. Let it play. I love this song. Listen. I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna see you.

I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna see you. Gonna shoot me, Bukaku! It's something you're ordering at a time, please. Yeah. Alright, what else we got? It's hard for me to walk to my toe.

Just like the hikes. Now do the revives. Do just do my vines. That's my kit. Oh, you're here. It's so tiny there. Good one. How do the revives do just do my vines there's my Where are the Gomez playbook? Who's that? That's a revon you don't want to see that right?

I'm gonna chuck it up on the ear yeah there you go that's funny it's a good one I'm sure it translates to the podcast I suppose it's Denmark fucking Copenhagen fucking loser I gotta give it to Roddo. You one right now with you. Hi.

Go ahead. Why? Now with you. Hi. Okay. I'm sorry. There's some gems. I'll call you happy news. That's your last one. The tears of the clown.

I did and there weren't that many. Just go. Okay, wait. Oh, this guy was going to fight me. Oh no. Oh, no. Watch it. Oh. See on the other side of the tracks? He's on the other side of the glass. You filming me, bro?

What glass? Oh, shit. He's watching me. Ah, ha! That's so good. Look at that, that's so good. Wait, wait, slow down. No fucking right.

To be a... Oh, God. To be a... To be a... So I can't have sex with any other women. So I can't have sex with any other women. So I can't have sex with any bad. You're funny, I'm not bad. That was fun, not bad.

How fucking Lewis singing Jesus Christ was not coming. Close up. Oh, the magic trick, do the magic trick. Ow! He threw the fucking quarter! Listen. I wasn't going to watch. Ow! he threw the fucking quarter he hit the host in his eye legitimately

hoth the fucking thing in the host and hit the fucking kid the host I wish I had been a video a vine of when we had a monitor a TV stolen from Ralph's house Ralph says to Lewis hey, you know fucking somebody told a TV and look Ralph lose good. Hey Ralph. We're growing business We're gonna lose day There was a tweet by Tony Hinchcliffe about his

What he thought about the SNL. Oh, yeah, you know, I did like Chappelle on the SNL But the opening song Oh, I thought that was nice I thought it was good. Why did like it? Why didn't like it? What's wrong? Because a woman singing you a star Star Rose a women a nice try to that's just flipping it. No, well, why it was good. It was a nice song. What's the women? Huh you ate women? I just some of their views are problematic But here's the deal here's a deal what seriousness of it was just crazy. Yeah, everyone's like right also They had Trump lettering what but they had Trump on you can't fucking utilize

That Hillary Clinton lost when you was opposed to you know i said he was a cabinet don't don't put them on the radio normalize is a fake words the leading cabinet

it's a word what is normalize me can't act saft the country promoted his fucking agenda you can't act sad about that did we need to agenda the guy was a

uh... figure he was a Major party and he was running for the presidency Sure, they had him on the nomination. Let me read let me read this About SNL no Trump voter fucking watch that's an Allen said oh no vote for him. He was on SNL But dude, let me just read this with him. Let me read this great from Tony Hinchcliffe read it He says let's be honest, but SNL. Shepelle was great, duh. But that Kate McKinnon cold open was hot garbage meant to play off our emotions.

Yep. I thought it was a nice song. I thought she was funny. What is everyone have to be such a political hacker? It's not a political hacker. It's a fucking nice song. Leonard Cohen died. She's saying, Hallelujah.

Listen, here's the thing. It's like, it's like, all right, what the fuck are we doing here? What's going on? You're doing it in the fucking, if's like it's like all right. What the fuck are we doing here? What's going on? You're doing it in the fucking if you're in costume be funny. You want to go sing the song? Go be hey, you want to go sing the song take the wig off take the costume off and go sing the song. I'll hear it Hey, we're gonna do it. It's a big deal. Come out with a fucking costume on and set me up Set me up. You know what you should have done. They should have had fucking Alex Baldwin come out in the back and just stand there.

And then she goes, you know, that would make it a little funny. What a year's a deal. Here's a funny deal. It was a fucking traumatic election for a lot of people. They fucking had a nice little cold open. Let's fucking like I agree with Tony. Let's not go. I just do think it's hypocritical.

I don't think it's hypocritical because here's the deal. Nobody fucking voted for Trump because he was on SNL This is what liberals don't fucking get they think that anyone gives a shit about SNL Yeah, and Lena Dunham and Amy shit nobody gives a fuck about any of these things. They don't matter No fucking guy lost a job in fucking Ohio is going. Oh wait a minute. He's on SNL now. I'm gonna vote for him He's just not the fucking case stop worshipping SNS stop worshipping these fucking gods. A lot of people understand why you lost. Hang on one second. Go ahead, Mike.

You should be an attorney. You're fucking awesome. I should be my I am an attorney. Mike, if you need anything done, I'll do it. I am an attorney. Funny. You should say that. But you really are. Whoa. Rebuttal. I just don't I mean, I just don't think that's true. I do think that he comes off. He was dangerous and he wasn't serious. No one looked at him that way. And then it is kind of you putting him in mainstream media. The same thing with Jimmy Fallon, tussling his fucking hair dude. He was he was already. He was saying dangerous shit. He was saying racist homophobic misogynistic shit. And if you don't know when he learned that, he was doing dangerous shit and nobody gave a shit. What about when Barack Obama was firing drones into fucking Pakistan? He weddings and you all didn't give a flying fuck cuz he was dancing on Alan stop have values or don't

Dude I have values or fucking don't There's no fucking other option There's no other option that they're imperfect fucking people and I didn't like Hillary Clinton at all But Trump weighs more dangerous. I still believe that and I think we'll see dude She was fucking ready to fight Russia. I don't know how fucking danger We'll say I don't want to groundwork with Russia. We'll see I don't want to groundwork with Russia, which you girlfriend Hillary was all fucking about Everybody right now who do you vote for Tim or Starver? Oh Tim

Well, stop roast But well, stop roast. She's like a smile. I would hate both of us. I would hate this group. Hey, it's me. I'm Taro. No, this is not guess. Everyone's mad at us for sure.

We're going to tear this. No, you're not. This is what I love listening here. These stuff is like arguing. You're sure it's like arguing. You're not babies. But you should argue. You should have these fights screaming y'all and whatever.

As long as after you're done, it's over. You know what's spitting people's faces. You don't hurt people. We're not putting nutrients out of a body We're keeping it all here. Let's let's let's chat room is unanimously voting for Tim by the way Yeah, well because Tim is psychotic Way, you know, smarter than Starburst Starburst is a spider on the web. I think he's gonna overcome him

But I can also just argue I could argue I can argue the other point of view No, who's it? Oh, yeah, what's it? What did you use this? Everyone's a spider in his analogy? Spiral the web. He's right six seconds. What do you think? I'm not that much of a political person This is the wrong episode for me to be on Let me let me let me raise this on popular opinion. What would happen if like we Didn't vote at all. What would happen if like we didn't vote at all?

What would happen if only like 20% of the population voted? Then we might have to like reconsider how we even do the system. None that might cause a big change. Nobody cares because only 50% votes now nobody can just shitsy. You drop off another 30. These people are going to be like, I've heard that argument before. People like, no, everyone stay home and then they'll have to read. No, they'll just go like this.

I'd be like, yeah, they're all fine. Democrats do lose when the low, there's lower return out. That's, that's historically true. I mean, it is what it is. Like one, one thing that keeps me hopeful is my lack of hope, kind of like, I feel like the president being a president is kind of like a, a no show title. Because everyone below them will do their work. That's hope. And granted, granted Trump will hire like Republican and people. Yeah, his fucking line. Here's a deal. Here's a deal. I think that there's a presence can do certain things, but there's a lot of stuff they can't do and they're not a

wizard. He's not gonna wait. He's got both guys in the Senate. Mike, go ahead. Like like Mike and Cole, the own side, they do a lot of fucking wicked shit for the past two or no, 50 years. Yeah, they don't have as much power. People think he's right. Let's go. Oh, it's a. Huh as much power people think he's right. Oh, it's hey Huh, that's true. It's true Listen, let's hope let's hope the country's fine. I think you should be a politician It would be great if he was the best president of all time It would be amazing if he without even trying from his golf course. He just everyone has hair There's a there's a deal. I'm glad that Obama cares going out the fucking window and I'll take it

He just said no. He already said it well. Oh, the one thing. Yeah, yeah. Listen, he's going to keep certain parts of it. He's going to restructure it. He's going to restructure it's a bad law, but he's going to restructure it. He is going to keep the clause where the pre-existing conditions clause where, you know, if you

have a pre-existing condition and insurance company cannot deny you. Now problem with that now I agree with that on a moral level but the problem with that is incentivize it like how do you price and risk that's like saying to somebody with a car accident like hey my car is on fire you know well we should have single payer if you can do that but it's very hard to have single parent country through all right listen all right people pay back all right you know CNN with all right I'm glad we talked about it. This last week was a fucking crazy week. We're going to be fine. We're going to be fine.

You mean Vine? Vine's not going to be fine. Vine ain't fine. Vine ain't fine. I do this fuck. Yeah, but we might be fine. My career's over. Yeah, right.

I'll just go back to open mics. No, my mic has been... No, it's not all the vacation-wide you cap a lot, should have be fucking thinking you can in this. Grab those line-follows and take them with you somehow. Take them with you physically. Yeah. Tell them when you have to surround them. Whether they want it or whether they want to go or not.

Whether they want to go or not. Keep getting yourself out there no matter what it takes. Stavros, what do you got, buddy? And you know, it's so weird. You're supposed to come out with this weekend, but it was one of those things that went through the fucking, you know, I remember telling you about it. Yeah, it's he talked.

He was supposed to be with this weekend, but he was with him last year, and the guy Tommy was like, I don't want the same, I'm similar. I don't want the same feature. Where? That Saratoga Springs comedy works.

And I remember we were like, all right, we'll work, all right, well, we're, you know, it's talked to them, see, cause we had problems at Tampa too. Right, right, right. You know, some of the clubs are like, they don't want, they just want their guys. Right.

Which I get, because these guys are trying to build up their comedy community and, you know, people up in Albany, these, you know, whatever, like Jay, Jay lives up there. You're right, right, right, Jay McBride. So Jay, Jay lives up there. You're right, right, right. Jay McBride. So anyways, I should probably want to be somebody else. I hope it is. Anyways, I'm, I'm, he's not coming this week in which I'm very sad about.

Because I was, you know, now I'm going to be alone in Saratoga Springs. I was going to bring the blender. We're going to have smoothies. I've been drinking smoothies every day. Buddy, I haven't fucked up once. That's good. I had it. I had a little bit of a fuck up. Good.

Isn't it a church not easy? I'm back. I'm back in the mix. I haven't fucked up one.'s good. I had it. I had a little bit of a fuck up. Good. It's not easy. I'm back. I'm back in the mix. I haven't fucked up one pretty bomb three over three weeks. And I went to Boston. And I haven't gone to Boston and not fucked up in. Oh, we are. We are. We are so much. I'm telling you, my feet felt weird. I'm a kid. I swear. I plan swix that's fucking scary if that feeling like that Watch your sugar. I'm telling you Huh watch your sugar level. No, no, I'm serious. What do you mean? That's a Michael Corleone? No, no, I'm sure what he's saying Bob's no kind of no sugar in you

Yeah, no, no, maybe you get too much. I'm serious. You just that yellow palm hand away from my What I'm sure is my sister has diabetes so what happened? No, but you start to feel in the feet it is I mean it is good. I'm trying to win all right No, no, I mean that's in saying no no again, and you say okay, and my right or wrong again I'm gonna fucking I'm gonna tackle you Michael. No, nobody I So Staros what do you got buddy? you Michael. No, nobody. Listen, so Starvars, what do you got, buddy? Follow me on Instagram at Stavvy Baby. We've got some great fall content coming up and some holiday stuff. I can't wait. I haven't seen anything. It's going to be good. And listen to Come Town.

Wait, do you find it? Just Google Come Town. So, you're in rummage through all the game Just a fucking it's a small farming community. It's a tough one right below San Francisco and it's just a bunch of guys coming all day It is to the SEO stuff is pretty what is it? But yeah is we're on iTunes come down and we have a live show it's gonna be the Monday After Thanksgiving come on out. We've had a couple good ones have been've been a lot of fun. And where, when are we next? Magubis. My thoughts. Yeah, dude. We got a anyway. I was the first weekend in December. Yeah. All right, man. Well, we're at Magubis, which is going to be fun. And also, are you coming over? Thanks, Kevin. Find out. I'll find out. I'll talk about that. It'll be fun. We're going to have a good time. Timmy,

what do you got besides fucking beautiful hair? Thank you very much. I appreciate it. November 19th, I'm gonna be at a place called the Infield and Pitzfield Massachusetts. Come out to that. And November 26th, the Infield and Pitzfield Massachusetts. Is that baseball themed? Yeah, it's during the seven-thinning stretch in my life.

Right, and you're just gonna shit on everything that I do. First of all, Mr. Negative. I apologize. The reason why I'm asking, I think I played there, you're fucking, I think you're sissy. You might have two. You might have two. I think, no, I'm serious.

I think it's a baseball thing. It is a baseball thing. I played there when I was coming up. How was it? It's dude, it's a gig in Boston. Yeah, fuck, thanks. It's funny, it's funny. Thank you. People show up for a show, you fucking do. Thanks, I appreciate it. When you ask how is it and the response is funny, it's a gig in Boston. Yeah, fuck. Thanks. Funny's funny. Thank you. People show up for a show. You fucking

do. When you ask, how is it in the responses? Funny's funny. Listen, I wasn't I'm not looking forward to it. Proctor's theater and connected. He on November 26. I'm going to have the guy say that you open up for wonder. Come out, come out to that or in Proctor's in November 26 or Vermont comedy, Cub in November 30th, I'm headlining that, that should be great. No, it's Baltimore, right? Tim, yeah, Baltimore's coming up too. You have?

You have? You have? What? Are you headlining? Yeah, yeah, I'm going to headlining. It's going to be great. Look at it. What's in it?

What's in it? What's in it? December. I don't know. It's umarcon. Yeah. Jinn and jokes in Baltimore. That's a fun one. Yeah, it's gonna be fun. I'm excited and got Tim Dylan's going to hell We are really growing in popularity on gas digger would do a great and please say rate and subscribe and like us on iTunes our last episode It's one of the funniest things ever and I'm not just saying that I think I actually think you are

Oh Hey guys is me right you can watch me struggle in front of four people at the creek in the cave tonight for watching this right now Uh, and then I'll be in Boston November 27th 28th 39th and then I'm doing a mini tour and like Dallas and Phoenix and shit with George Perez and like the Adam Karol of crew check my Twitter I pinned all my dates I'm right you know on Twitter and also someone about a half hour ago called me a rapist on Twitter So check that out why you rapist. I think they're confusing me with it. I don't I don't plug that It's true. I really don't want this career to be over But a clean break clean break

No, no, I'm I look similar to another dude So should we do? We got a key is the Twitter so Edit that rate part out Yeah, just check me out on Instagram to your right you right then come back on buddy I have to see a man you do good luck with this wherever you go, and I think it's gonna be great Thank you. I appreciate I do man Mikey. What do you got besides? Fucking weird I think it's going to be great. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. I do, man. Mikey, what do you got besides fucking weird eyes? Thursday, I'm going to be actually going to comedy roast battle.

Oh, no, shit. At the New York comedy club, I'm battle in Geno Biscontes. Oh, my God. I'm going to tear them off. But now, is that the same roast battle they have all over the place? Or is that a different one? I think it's called some kind of rel. Well, does it?

Oh, it's a competing, the other one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. And then I'm going to be at the triad theater to December 2nd, with Pat Dix and myself and Alexis Deloni. Oh, great. I love Pat.

That's great. He's a good guy, man. A great guy. Good man. Good. What? Did battle well? I had my second battle.

It's my second one, right? It's so much different than Bob, than roasting people from a day. It's, you know what I mean? It's fun. I like battle And please explain okay like you know when people go up one after one. That's pretty brutal You know that's hot enough, but I like fighting one and one it's awesome

I'm sorry I still a seat with my eyes Not my guy love you buddy thanks for coming on I What do you got who hey dude? How are you? What's up? I coming on. I'm fine. Hi, what do you got? Hey, dude, how are you? What's up? Dude, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there.

You just I've been here seven times. I know. I know. But this time I didn't see you come in. Yeah, I don't know. I snuck him in. Oh, she snuck. Yeah, are you banging them?

No. Why do I have to be banging everybody? I'm doing a lot of stuff. Yeah, buddy. I got a lot going. I got a lot of stuff. I'm doing a lot of stuff She only show that let's guessplum

I mean I literally just all I do is help all everybody else do everything. Nobody helps me Buddy, there you go see that what do you guys ever fucking give me? Everybody else do everything nobody helps me always let me plug the podcast. I got you another bat Buddy, there you go see that what are you guys ever fucking giving me? love friendship Compane ship on the road I said I got a gift certificate. I'm taking an Italian restaurant. Okay. That's all I just wanted to make sure you guys remember Thank you. Oh, that's a fucking go one kid. They said it was one of the best and I know like oh it is That's a fucking high-end one. Yeah, they said it was one of the best, and I know it's like, Oh, it is. That's a fucking high end one, dude. You paid for money for that sucker. Oh, the best for you, Bob?

How much? How much was it? For 20 bucks. That's not that. Huh? That's a lot of money for us. It will be soon for you. Not for me. Oh, shit. You got to lift it in that.

Hey, you want this? I'll sell it. You're selling it. Sell a sell-tune. To one of those almost people, get your money back. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to dance with me? Listen, Deepa, what do you got, buddy?

Twitter, Instagram, R2D, boo, and my two podcasts, Geeks in New York, and Go To Hell Podcast. You can check those out out. Go To Hell. Yeah. You're the name. That's the name of my heart. What's your name? Tindylin's going to hell. There's a lot of pop. But you're going to name. It's the name of my mom. What's your, what's your, Tim Dylan's going to hell?

There's a lot of, for you're going to hell. I'm going to hell. He says go to hell. Right. Yeah, I don't, I don't know. There's a subtle, there's a subtle difference. It's a subtle difference. Scopo brought that up too.

He was like, that's way too similar. And I actually didn't come up with it. My co-host did. Yeah, well, who's a, who's a co-host? To this, I think it, I'm sure it was fine. Is he the head of the Tim Dylan fan club? Yeah. It's a it's Tam Doylin Lewis Gomez was just like you.

And she's telling everyone go to hell. That's copy right in Frenchman. You got to do that. Can you give you a shift for that? No, no, no one said. No care. Well, my friend got defensive though. He actually like sent me like a list of all these podcasts with the expression go to hell in it.

So you know, it's what friend. This guy, this guy now, he's not doing it. Do you have any more ads? No, you're all set. I'm out of set. What do you have besides fucking a cup titties? They're getting smaller. I know because you lose them weight.

No. Baby, you look good. I think you look sweet and I'm glad you have a guy, but do me a favor seriously No more bus stuff. No, I don't want you to get I don't want you you can do bus stuff You don't let somebody come in your bum. Oh, why? Why? I'm not talking to you Okay, never mind sorry you can Just I'm the worst thing that can happen is you get AIDS the worst thing that can happen is you get AIDS. Well, let's go across our fingers.

Hey, how about a fucking com shit? How about one of those coming out? Tim. Tim, tell me about a com. Get off your phone, Tim. I'm looking up com shit. I know you. That's just a homepage.

Tim, for your fucking dumb speech about waking up in the morning and looking at the sun. You fucking get a gun. People with two hour. Remember that fucking show two hours ago. I guess that's why things are using involved. Listen, we got I want you to do me a favor. I want you to go and download the app I iOS and Android and subscribe. 199 a month.

Support the show. 10 episodes will always be free. everything else is behind the paywall all these episodes will be behind the paywall paywall at some point But you can become a member have other original content that is only up there for premium members all you guys who Subscribes we got a lot of you. Thank you so much. You coming up in the shows You tell me your premium member thanks for supporting the true story tour the next stop is Saratoga Springs. This weekend, New York, upstate near Albany. Make sure you show up, spread the word, support all these people. And if you want to be a guest on the show, like my man over here, email Lauren, that YKWD producer at Riot cast. And if you want to send us something, all the shit behind us is from your fans. If you want to send us. Please, that's my impression.

Please, what's the address? 117 McDougal Street attention Robert Kellier YKWD. And what is the zip code? You zero zero one, two, one zero zero one. You want to send a bomb? We'll give you Star Wars. That's not it. I'm impressed.

Oh, man, you got a fuck. What's that? It's one zero zero one three. I'm sorry. Oh, that's a big sorry Sorry, all right guys out one again. I want to thank Chris Scopo and God bless you I'm kidding you guys thanks to listen to podcast Listening to YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs.

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