Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - What Happened to Yannis?

Episode Date: October 28, 2013

Yannis Pappas returns to join Robert, Kurt Metzger, Dan Soder and Kelly Fastuca. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I have a bunch of guys on it, it's just us sitting down And sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's intense It's rubber-killing You know what? You know what? I guess No topics, no directions But I love doing it while you're cast out

Go Died Go Run Run Join! Come! Come! Come! Come! Come! Come! Come!

Come! Come! Come! Come! Come! Come! Come! Come!

Come! Come! Come! Come! Come! Come! Come! Come!

Come! Come! Come! Come! Come! 17 Hi, we're We are doing a special YKW dude, I am wearing an eye bag This is not Halloween somebody jizzed in his eye. I am somebody lost their humor in Miami Fucking Cuban fucking comedian now come on y'all. You should have led with he's clearly the mayor of a post-apocalyptic city Yeah, that's better. That's that's y'all that's better Waterworld pirate Exactly that's fucking y'all I'm network approved now. I got it. I got this, I got to go through standards

and practices before I say anything. I thought Yonas moved. I did, he's right here. I'm back just for a weekend. I got, I got a bunch, literally all of my favorites on tonight. I got Kurt Madskar, I got Dan Soda, I got Yonas Poppest straight from fucking Cuba. And I got Kelly Fistuga.

When Venidos. Hold on, hold on, the number is Janie Peppers. And I know all you guys are saying is Kelly's your favorite? No, I lied because she's sitting next to me. No kidding, she's one of my favorites. There are a lot of five o'clock shadows in this room. Well, I'm gonna do my hour with this amount of shadow. Are you really not doing it?

No, I do it. No, I do it. Leave the scruff. Leave the scruff. That's you. Yeah. Yeah, you shaved would look weird. It does.

Plus your eyebrows stick out way too much. Let's have a look. Yeah, that kind of fades it into your chest here. It hurts the only dude who can compete with me in eyebrow area. Wow, you really didn't lose your mojo what the fuck happened This is the name of the podcast what the fuck happened to yana We literally have signs around the people have mailed in signs. Yeah, that's how funny you're on the show I've been upstairs for in the morning

Do I have one eye lighting joke? I have one eye I have a lighting jokes. I have one eye. I have a four month old baby. I just moved. I'm trying to sell and I'm trying to buy a house. Fuck you and I've been up since 1 o'clock. I had to rehearse for two hours today. Guys, we had a call time of super early.

I'd get up for my shake. He's acting like we don't know how television goes. You fucking show up early, sitting your dressing room taking two and a half hour nap. I was in makeup for 10 minutes. Yeah, then you fucking, you're on your iPad, watch three episodes of psych. They call you in for 20 minutes

and then they do a 19 hour camera fucking set up. You like psych? I do. I'm over here. Fuck, I'm stoner. What the fuck? You're like, like, I do. I'm over here. I'm just don't know what to fuck you. You're like my deaf dog. Fucking make a noise and he runs that way. I thought you were talking about what Yom is doing.

I didn't realize you meant that was your experience. I was, but it's my experience. It wasn't my experience, actually. Yeah, I mean, like, so here he is. Yom is your back. Yeah, man. And thanks for doing this. I appreciate it. It means a lot to me. I mean, I wouldn't, look, other than any other time,

I was like, yeah, no problem at all. But the fact is, I'm gonna take that, because I have one eye. Okay, I have one fucking eye. I scratched my cornea today. How? Well, it's a long story. Actually, it happened, it happened almost 13 years ago.

My, I'm sitting in my puppy, Kelbee, who you guys know, some of you, which is my last name of my wife's last name, Kelly and Weatherbee, Calbee. Oh my God. We, uh, I can't, can't come down. That was so bad you guys, like, got so angry, you didn't, you didn't even say anything mean. Okay. I was choked with rage when you told me. So bad you guys like got so angry you didn't right you didn't say anything mean Okay, I was choked with rage when you

I just imagine you guys Eskimo kiss after you came over that Who's your dog's name? Oh, come here. What was your dark name, you know, that's a gilded in Carlin. Why guilt of guilt or rather I'm not a people's dog name Kurt's Jesse Mase was Foszy Bear. We had three what's Foszy Bear Foszy Bear was a little Chihuahua You never mentioned her name on the show again You understand me absolutely. It's the name, it's like, what's that thing? For the more. Yeah, for the more.

For the more. For the more. Why are you mentioning the name? Well, they used to go out. Yeah. They used to date. Oh, is she the one on Girl Code? Yeah.

Ah! Yes! And there you go. And it hurts again. And it hurts again. And it hurts. I think it's been like two months, two, two, two. Yeah, two, whatever. Yeah, find somebody else.

Yeah. Wow. All right. Well, it's so easy. It's so easy to what? Fall in love. Yeah, just move on. Yeah.

Yeah. It's so fucking easy. Yeah. Well, it's not that easy, Kurt. When we're fucking he's connected as a human being you're disconnected like a serial killer. You smoke weed. Like a cigarette. Let me get it when I'm getting it. Is she seeing anyone right now? I don't know.

And would you mind? I don't know. When it comes to you as a dude. If I had a life in a dog with her, we name the dog fucking loser. Do you think she can? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It seems like something really bad happened to James Bond. You're gonna be laughing like that. Oh the fucking great one. Oh, this is Bond. I should have a white cat.

Um, I'm probably should be laughing in front of a big globe right now. Ah, you're making my eye hurt. You're hearing up, you cock suckers. Well, you're always injured. Well, I'm dead. I called Mr. Gras. He's always injured. I was choking on food.

I was dying. What happened was I had a piece of chicken. I blew out my fucking femur. Well really, I'll tell you what happened. I had my little puppy and he was very, you know, he ran and he chased shit. And I threw a ball and I had it by my face and I had, you know, afkans, the blankets that you grandma knit. No, the fucking Middle Eastern

Now that was a flat tire. Yeah, that was a flat tire I'm heading on tie this curture for sure I like it because of a curture He's old school. What is this called? Bandit the bomb bomb bandit called a big J neck tie big J necktie. It's called the big J a cool through a month. Oh J special occasion. Bus that? Are those sleeves? Are those sleeves? Oh, I trashed in a bit. He really is. You give that cocks are a chain wallet and a band banner. He said for the fucking gram. He's there in a chain wall in the band-in and he said for the fucking gram he's there for a wedding a few days So fucking barbecue all for you guys So I was sitting there with the dog on my chest and I'm in the toy

I'm my chest and dogs running back and forth and he ran at me and and I pulled the blanket up and He hit he ran into my eye and pushed the blanket That that fucking yarn, you know what I mean? And scratch my I couldn't see for days and it never healed I'm no, don't you shouldn't you go to the doctor for that man scratch cornea can be very dangerous So I went to the doctor and you know lucky I Kelly went to Dwayne Reward. Kelly bought you what I'm doing.

Is it on Dwayne Reward? That's right. That's right. So, whatever. It happened years ago. And then for the next couple of years, it would re-occur. It would just happen. And now, in the last year, I don't know what happened.

If I sleep on this, this is fucking weird. And I have to call Dr. Steve and figure it out because I don't know what it is, but I'll sleep on this side and it's like my eye dries up and when I open it, it rips. Oh! It rips the, no. So I, it like starts tearing. Can I have an napkin because my nose starts running and I start tearing and I can't see out of the eye.

And today, I was at my old apartment and, you know, I'm fixing stuff. And this is why I love fucking the internet. My sink is broken in the old place, okay? I go on YouTube, there's some fucking wretched old white guy with a wrench. And he's like, today we're gonna learn how to fix a sink in 90 seconds or whatever.

And I go to the the tells me what to get I go down the fucking the the hardware store. I buy the shit. I get all the tools It's 60 bucks. I go back in I take out the sink. I put a new one in I repair the fucking thing and it's insane but it doesn't teach you You know that shit's gonna fall into your eye as you're under the sink. So be careful and wear safety glasses. And a piece of putty with a piece of plastic fell into my eye. You could have fixed in stuff.

You like that, right? You like technology like bigger in stuff. I like, and this is one thing that my real father said to me once. He goes, he's an engineer. And he was in Vietnam and he came back with drug addict and all fucked up. And he, I was just like, Jesus Christ, you got this great job as an engineer. He goes, you have always love, rip and shit apart and fixing it and putting it back together. And I have that trait from him, which is weird. Except yours is for undermine. I'm literally just talking and

talking and I'm throwing softballs up for you guys You're too stoned you're too tired and you're too fucking famous now I'm gonna say you like to rip a board doughnut. I was just enjoying that. You know, it's not good Yeah, and I was enjoying hearing about your real father. Yeah, I didn't even know you had one I yeah, Jesus Christ. I seriously didn't know that what I fucking they they I'm a laboratory thing No, I thought you just I can't if you want to write a joke I'm just bald with an iPad. It leads you to all kinds of like experimental conclude What do you mean science you just look like sci-fi right now? Yeah End of the world so

So you think that You look like the end of the world. So you think that robots are a lot more human. It's kind of a good way to my podcast. We're going to be discussing black holes and neutrons. Welcome to the villainy hour with Robert Kelly. Today we're going to be speaking about villainy. You look like a major deer and SNM dungeon. Welcome.

Hasn't it been or ball stomping. Would you like a nail through your scrotum? You look like the guy in hostile that throws the limbs away in the finish. Obviously, union guy in a horror film. So, so anyways, today it fell into my eye and and and it was fucked up all day. So bad at dinner

like we were fucking walking we had open up a bank all this bank, all this shit, all this shit you have to do. When you buy an up, when you sell an apartment, there's and it's so much shit you have to do. It's fucking crazy. And to have a four month year old baby with you when you're doing this is literally mind-crushing anxiety. The baby doesn't know about rates. It doesn't know what it's sell for. It's probably gotta be a little... There it is.

Just tighten it. I love when a joke bomb's so bad that they actually try to make it like they're serious. Like, no. I mean, they really don't know about rates. Oh, she's like, that's like a real thing. Baby realtors are becoming a bit popular. What?

I do that with, um what's the guy can you turn that camera please go back to him yeah we honest yeah let me pull your um turn that camera um Kelly please you mean this way no yeah right yeah right there dude that's it y'all know about camera work yeah I'm blanking on his name you guys want me on the three shot are we gonna go in this second we're in the gym. Oh, yeah, Chip. I don't be racist. Who's the guy? You know, I'm the Kevin Bacon. No, he looks like Phil Spector Michael J. Fox. He's the guys from comic strip

Al Pacino. I know the guy to Jeff Gurean Jeff Gurean. Yeah, Jeff Gurean. Fuck you. I got it. Now you did But you said it like you got it. I know I did you really stepped up hang on way fucking pot head I did I did I'm sorry about that go ahead now Okay, you're getting distracted with this shit. Oh, you're right. Go I really yell at him. He was trained he had a train of thought and I yelled at him And we're just going back and forth like pot heads. He's the only one with an actual thought here Go ahead He'll try to tell you jokes and I didn't know where was coming from like I thought we were just talking normal

I will start telling you like just an awful And it makes no sense. It's the most abstract bizarre shit and I and I just pretend like he's saying a serious comment to me Like I don't acknowledge Are you yeah, that's very interesting. I think I read something about that recently What black black people would be women be shopping True, I think I... Do you want to meet the economy? The economy does actually meet stimulus.

So anyways, this stuff fell in my eye. And now all day long, we had a leave dinner early. Now we're up in the suburbs now, so it's, you know... At night, it's quiet. It's relaxing. I got vios today, which is fucking insane. I've had time Warner cable. If you have time Warner cable, you are fucking dumb. Okay, what did you? What do you have? Fios is amazing. Why? The internet? Okay, people don't know this,

this upload and download, okay? Download is usually way faster than the upload speeds, okay? So here at the studio, the reason why we have a problem doing live video is because the upload and download is too low, time, water, okay? So here it's literally one five Download and under one upload which is ridiculous but now you're on that fire. I'm on 80 download 50 upload What you heard me suck on what 80 download 50 upload. I don't even know what that means

Yeah, that means well, I I'm watching my internet with two eyes. Kelly, could you laugh at a Michael louder? Wow. Come on. This story is nearly as exciting as an eye patch would lead you to believe Great story behind that eye patch It involves Fio's first of all Cut it going to the bank with my family Here's the thing I'm in the bank today

With this girl in her name is Boston which turned me on for some reason like physically she didn't turn me on but her her name being Boston I just wanted to fuck Boston You know, it's not a fresh. Let's take it in the ass. That's what yeah Right now, it's like anal trash from the England Boston First of all, I won't bang a black guy She's first of all I won't bang a black guy That's where I draw the fucking line I got three fucking walls don't spit in my mouth Always drink Duncan don't it's instead of stop

Coffee's the best fucking black guys if you're fucking black you better cross the street Fucking Bobby oil was the best hockey player of all next to fucking Kim Nilly Are you gonna fucking let this pussy cool off? Are you gonna fuck it? It's Boston pussy. Hey, it's Boston. She's actually downstairs at the show right now, so oh really? Anyways, so But would you like a beer or something? It's called your I mean Kurt sorry, just water will be fine for me. Oh he burps. So anyways, I'm I'm in there My eyes tearing up. I got putty, you know, plumbers putty all of them.

I look like a fucking nightmare. Yeah. And my wife is there. She's beautiful. She got a full month old beautiful baby. And I'm like, listen, honey, I know like I look like I just kidnapped this family and I'm forcing them to open up a bank account, but I'm legit.

And then we go home, we go to a restaurant, we go to babies, rise, all this shit. I gotta go home early, because my eyes, I can't see. It's tearing up. And then I got this podcast, I went to bed for a while, it felt better, but I got up too early, and sometimes I go to sleep and it will just be fine. When did you talk to the doctor?

Huh? When did you talk to the doctor about it? I did not talk to the doctor. I think you really should. I didn't talk, I went to the doctor like four months ago about the same thing and it's a surgery I have to get again and I just don't have fucking time right now I think you should make some time to go and make some really get fucked up and drop some sink shit and you're fucking in the wound You gotta see a dot. Yeah, yeah, and you can't see out of the eye at all right now, right? I don't have a patch on.

I never went before. Before you got your patch on. I forgot to say, two Shay. But before you had it on, you can't see out of it. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. It feels better with the patch. You know, it just keeps it, I don't know.

It feels better with an on, so I'm leaving it on. Look, I'm fucked right now. I got to fly tomorrow, I got shows tomorrow, I got shows Friday. Dude, you can't drive home like that. I got him. I got him. What do I got? I got one eye. I got no, you can drive with one eye. If I the fuck you think the guy from shield will fucking fly fucking shit. What's that about that made up character? Yeah, you're talking about a fictional show. Yeah, but in life if that was real he'd Nick Fury Yeah, you know, there's think called depth perception. Yeah, you shouldn't be driving one. I know the fuck one I do walk home have Kelly fucking Kelly. What? Me? I'm having her drive

She goes straight here. I take a one-eyed American anyway drive. She goes straight here. That's like a one-eyed American anyway. So yeah, we stay, we don't go roads. You guys drive on the other side of the street or no? Yeah, we do. You do, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get her up and fun. It's so quiet up there just to hear her fucking mushing around in the middle of the night trying to get smook a cigarette. Hey, a fucking... Hey, hey, hey, what?

I don't know. Anyway, so that's why I have this patch on and I will have it on and I will go to a doctor. Hopefully Monday, maybe if it gets worse, if it's not better than by tomorrow, I'll go in Atlanta tomorrow afternoon and I get there and fucking, so on and so forth. But a moment tonight I go to bed.

That's why right after this, I'm out, Kelly. You're cleaning it up, I'm going to the car, I'm driving the fuck home and shutting my eyes. Okay, I hope you're not bad at it. I hope, this, I'm out, Kelly, you're cleaning it up, I'm going to the car, I'm driving the fuck home and shutting my eyes. Oh, God, I hope you're not bad at it. I hope, well, I'm here for you. Yeah. If it was just a red, I, That's great, you fucking died, it'll be on me.

I'll feel bad about it. Well, you should. Yeah. I mean, I hope you feel bad if I die. No, I'll just feel like I just, that was stupid move. Look, I don't want to feel anything if you die. If you die, I just, I don't, I don't, don't put that on me.

No, put that on me, I don't want to feel. Oh. Well, I'm glad you're back, y'all, this, I'm don't put that on me. No, put that on me, I don't want to feel. Well, I'm glad you're back, Yodas. I'm glad to be back, man. You went to Miami. Yeah. I've been there for over a month. It feels weird to be back in New York City. You're tan?

You're skinny? No, no, you're not. You lost weight. How did you lose the weight? Just social pressure. You just first of all, break up is good for weight loss. Nobody ever talks about that as a weight loss plan. Oh, it's fantastic.

I use it all the time. You try to eat and there's just a knot in your stomach. Yeah. And you just like take one piece of salad. I usually have a knot in my stomach. It's a pretzel knot. That was a fat joke in reverse. Yeah.

Can I put your hanky up to your face? And you just can't get away with it. You just can't get away with a New York body in Miami. You just can't get away with it. What does that mean? Just with a New York body in Miami. You just can't get away with it What does that mean? Just mean no New York body. I know you don't yeah, I just like fucking like just a flabby soft body Yeah, come at it night. Yeah, you do daytime Exactly no date my amies all daytime all sunshine people wear very little clothing You got to kind of get in all day also they have because these hot girls, there is like a real fucked up pussy economy.

Like I don't know why a hot girl would move to Miami, because you're just like fucked. Oh yeah. I mean you do have to fuck a guy with Newark Body there at some point, because there's none of them. There's none. Or a Cuban. No.

They believe me. The people down there are dumb as shit. Spanish guys are super-facial town. They really is. Spanish people don't have abs. Can we just get that out? I They dance they got baseball shoulders, but no Good throwing shoulders. Yeah, get me off this fucking island shoulders. Oh, Jesus

Swimming shoulders Nobody works down with inner tube They're all like party promoters. What do you mean? What do you do for living? I'm a party promoter. I'm a party promoter, bro. I'm a party promoter, bro. He's a party promoter. Well, all party promoters do that.

You like champagne? You know this is it? Because there's always like yelling hot checks. And then there's crazy drop off. We're like, they all have the same bodies, but like their heads get crazier and crazier looking. They're personally being fucking disformed by a doctor. Oh, that's so much fucking plastic surgery.

The worst is you'll see like some, you'll see a lot of like 65 year old lad and women still holding on. You know that like that. It's like a comb over of your face. Yeah. Just like got high heels on at the gym still trying to be visible.

I'm gonna ask you a question that everybody wants to know. How hot are the trannies down there? Yeah, that we're talking. You know what? I might have been looking at trannies I didn't even know which is the mark of a good tranny. That's a mark of a good tranny. It is.

If I had no idea, that in a fucking nine inch uncut. Yeah. The two mistake. I don't know, I talk about the mark of a fucking good tranny. Look at my back. I haven't seen any tranny zone there. I'll take that bandana from the side of the morose. Throw that down it.

I'll just wrap it around my other eye. So, I mean, now you do it, let's explain asshole. I got one eye through it at my fucking head. And you think you can be able to drive? You can't even catch a bandana. I'm not gonna be catching shit while I drive. You got a whole my fucking head and you think you can be able to drive you can't even catch a bandanna I'm not gonna be catching shit while I drive you got a whole another side of fucking road You can't see I'll drive on the right side with my good eye All right, I the right lane. I'll stay in the air who cares? It's all matching up

Listen when I'm saying to you is you come down there you move down. Now originally you decided not to go down there, you decided to stay and then you changed your mind and now you're on this TV, this new network called Fusion. Fusion. Fusion. Fusion. Fusion. And is it a Spanish TV station? What is it?

It's a ABC and Univision joint venture and it's aimed at millennials and they're winking at laddons Millennials are anyone born after 1980 Univision though that's something I don't necessarily watch unless I'm doing my laundry Yeah, well you're on a road gig with Eric Rivera Univerision's one of the biggest networks in the country. We get it so No, there's your show on after Wayne Brady show our show on an only like fucking five homes no one is going to be 20 million homes but files gets it you'll be able to watch it

arise and files get i don't want to watch you in the house right but the but the sink under when i understand you say it's not a spanish thing but it seems like a spanish right it's no it's uh... there it's geared, it's a, it's geared towards, it's very diverse. I mean everybody works at diverse but there are a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, stop using corporate words.

Yeah. I'm really, yeah, you're saying style book at me. Yeah, what the fuck, Dan, what are you, how do you translate? Yeah. There's a lot of beige people on the floor. Yeah. That's it. Everyone's, we do.

That's a nice Mike Bibbitoan of beige. Where, where do you fit in in this beige? She got to dress up like that training Talk to them in the language you understand what's up everybody good morning To see you I can't say as pussy anymore, but I say as cookie In your butt vagina. That's the most accurate character, by the way. Thank you. Now, do they know you do that character, right? But can you still do it?

Are they like, you know, I think, you know, they may want me to like roll it out once and while I do like a little segment, but it's, yeah, but you can't, but if they, if they see, if they, if they say a bunch of kids fall in love with Mauricio. Okay, which could definitely happen on a morning show.

A bunch of these old people like, I love Mauricio. And then they go, oh, Google. And then all of a sudden, my ass puts a clean to suck you up. Whatever the fuck the song is, which is addictive. I cannot not. What's the song? He has a video, let me tell you something. It's not gonna cut your shit.

If this was 19, what would it say? If this was 19 fucking 90 this video would be on MTV and Janice Popus not as Janice Popus but as Marisia would be fucking famous and hosting the MTV Awards. And then they would be doing Marisia goes to camp like because that's his earnest. And he's guilty together with his girlfriend. Listen, I think that's a snake out there.

I don't do collours. You can see my ass posing in a canoe. I don't mess with the wizard. I'm from the lower east. That should be scary outside. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's.

I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's.

I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's.

I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. I'm from the Lowry's. white niggas out here! It doesn't supposed to be a vacation and it comes to stare at no trees. Oh shit. Are we hitchhiking to West Chasdda? Motherfucker. I mean honestly God, the video he has on YouTube is phenomenal. It's, yeah, you can pull it up, Kelly. I'm one of the dancers. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it's funny how many people are actually in it dancing and shit like that. Yeah, Ted Alexander, Nate had his all-out on the most. Oh, God, we laughed so hard making this video again. We paid the dancing of the roof and Brooklyn was one of the funniest things dude Louis cats. We laughed hard Louis had the funniest line when we did the basketball thing and I took my shirt off Louis cats was like I've never been so disappointed in someone When you took off your shirt. He's like I thought you were gonna be able to defend me

You're the line that he said you do you your body looks like you body looks like oh, so I'm like a divorced dad. Yeah, it's like a dad's body You got dad nipples. Oh dad dance. Yeah, but here's a thing with his belly button It looks like it wasn't like they had to make it like he was born without one and they just sliced his stomach and Yeah, it's very He has that he has a post op vagina for a belly button. Hey guys, my name used to be Scott Look at that straight up soda body right now. I got straight up real feral body right now. Well, that yes, well feral body's great though. Yeah, I Here we go. You ready you want to hear it? You guys want to hear it? You got to watch it. You got to watch. I'm gonna let him watch it to relax there. Fucking sailor. I know how the show works

All right, you do fucking you do tele a mandal I'm gonna do YKW I'm just gonna show you a little bit. You're already fired that fired day fire you for that get pass at me There we go. Stop it, come down! Shit! This is for a couple of years ago. That's it! It's like two summers ago. Montreal, 2011. We got like actual Puerto Ricans from the neighborhood to be in this shit.

Hang on, let him play for a little bit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Wait till he starts rapping. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Tyler. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Wait.

It's pussy clean. Wash it out with Listerine. Yeah. Dase out with history. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Regorous. Yeah. Yeah. Snap a clap your shit.

Save public radio. That's it. Snap a clap your shit. That's it. You're a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more You're a little bit more like a little bit more You're a little bit more like a little bit more You're a little bit more like a little bit more You're a little bit more like a little bit more You're a little bit more like a little bit more

You're a little bit more like a little bit more You're a little bit more like a little bit more You're a little bit more like a little bit more You're a little bit more like a little bit more You're a little bit more like a little bit more You're a little bit more like a little bit more You're a little bit more like a little bit more I'm going to smash your dick. Joe Lisp was awesome. Take night it has to be vegan. The movies to see Tyler Perry. I like that Moreno.

Papa Yusofan, see? That's what I like. Very classy. That's it. Uh-huh. Brad Pitt, that's it. Johnny Depp, Wampa. Take a picture. The C Luke Perry.

Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, not said. We're back. I said that because I'ma touch that dick. All right, man. Stop and clap your shit. And not said. Yeah. your shit. And that's it. Yeah. Holy shit.

That's it. That'd be a shit. That's it. Go to a party, like classy and artsy, find the white nigga parking out by the club. Let's take a drive, Bobby. I want to be your Bobby. Give me your kiss, right on my lips. Grab on my ass then grab on my tits. Rock me your bitch. Pay for my tits. Pay for my tits. White nigga,

that's it. That's it, baby. That's it. That's it. For breakfast, that's it. Let me keep my ship. Very rick.'s it. Let me keep on shivering. Every rick I've read. Oh, that's beautiful. I want to tell you some of that thing. I'll tell you funny stories about the video after. Melody, and then most beautiful.

If you haven't fucking watched that, that's great. You need to, every time it comes on, I can't, I watch, I have to listen to the whole thing. I watch your thing. And I dance. It's a fucking great song. Well, it's because of my buddy who was actually actually musician wrote it. I didn't fucking write that shit I mean I did like some of the jokes, but he kind of wrote it in there. I know you're gonna do wrapping his heart I know you're gonna ruin my fucking

No, you could just slide it baby. You're the one that took it. Yeah, he took it story-toler. Yeah, yeah I don't know the real song Pearl Jam I want to I want you to tell me what I think it is No, tell me what really is I wrote that song in a dark place You know I was dressing up like a lady second dick for kicks, but it was funny. We shoot the video I love what's a good dick for gigs should be a punk band This produces like why don't you do a rap song? I was like oh you should get a new hair for her This produces like why don't you do a rap song? And I was like, can I suck a bit?

Oh, you should get a new hair for her. She needs a new hair, but that's the only hair. A fucking hair or something. It's the only hair that doesn't make me look like a heavy metal punk rock. Yeah, but if you got braids, you'd look in braids. Yeah, I'm not talking about work for some reason. You got braids, man, like she dated, she was in prison for a minute. Ooh, or just a new blast shot.

Before you could do that pulled back, uh, bun, you know? Yeah. So tell us about what are you gonna say about that? So I was saying, when we shot the video, we just went to Lower East Side and everyone fucking knew it. So like these hoods, these like drug dealing hoods, you can see there's a scene in the video where they're in the background.

They fucking, they agreed to be in the video and they were going, dust sit, and they like these fucking thugs. So everybody knows, no Mauricia. Down there, the Puerto Ricans for sure. They just love Mauricia. And then they said that she's gone. It's huge in Miami. How big in Miami? It's as big in Miami as it is here. Now, are they sad that she's gone? Are they sad that they don't get the sear that you're not doing these shows? I'm coming up and I'm still doing the shows. I'll be doing

them. Yeah. Yeah. Why wouldn't you do those shows? Yeah, I still do them. So you're going to come up ask, when is Marie sees me? I do the shows with both characters and me. I do that. Right, I do it. What's the other character? Mr. Panos. Mr. Panos, hello, baby. How are you doing?

One of my favorites. I, a video blog. The new one coming out is fucking good, because we worked it on stage. So, you know, it's like the same thing on Marie's, so I worked it on stage. And then I did it. So when we shot it, stage. So, you know, it's like, it's the same thing on Marisa where I worked it on stage and then I did it. So when we shot it, I kind of knew it. And I did this last panel, it was the one, the big chunk we've been doing live

that crushes. So I think it's gonna be, it's about the Mickey Mouse Club and how he believes, he's a conspiracy theorist. I believe that the Mickey Mouse Club is like a government operation to distract the people and like, you know, they're all CIA agents. Like, he's it on still? personas y como, ya sabes, están todos los CIA-GENES, como... ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C ¿C Tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno. Esta es la tres por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar tu del tres por uno

en medianas a domicilio solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? Tres por uno, tres por uno. Ah, no, no, no. ¡Dominos! Pizza. ¿Dónde te pones? ¿No te pones?

¡No te pones! ¡No te pones! ¡No te pones! ¡No te pones! ¡No, no, no! ¡Papi, ¿dónde te pones? You better go to the doctor. Yeah, you can not be a one-eyed fat ball guy. I'm not, Bobby. Too many elements against you already. Look like Bailey J's dick. That's not. That's not. That's not.

That's not. That's not. That's not. That's not. That's not. That's not. That's not. That's not.

That's not. That's not. That's not. That's not. That's not. That's not. That's not. Dick is the name of the show. Guys tell you, Metzger just swoops in sometimes. He really does come in like a hawk. Like he's just like, Yeah! And then just, we were talking about Woody Allen

against black people downstairs, and Kurt walks in and he's like, Kurt, what do you think about Woody Allen? He doesn't like black people. And Kurt goes, what like the friends, when he's like, That's a fucking great impersonation right there. Yeah, what like the friends sex in the city New York. We were all promised Hey, really is just like the guy if he was a bank robbing just shoot the click in the head That card he's like she looked at me weird. Yeah. I thought she had a piece. She moved her arm. I don't like shifting me. I mean,

what I had to do. I don't like shifting people. Text kids. See if people come up. Do you have keys number? Yeah. Text them. Tell them more upstairs. Yeah, oh he was he we took that story tonight. No, oh, It's like a week ago. Oh fuck him. No. So anyways, we So now you down there you got you kind of apartment got myself a beamer. You got a fucking He's got a smoke and beamer fucking midlife crisis purchase I bought a BMW is that from that what what's your name again? Maurice? Is I'm a reason money? Mori, you know, it's money show money everything money So you bought this beam you bought it you lease it's not as crazy my it's not as expensive in Miami

It's a good point. Did you lease it? No, I bought a used one really? Why would you do that just lease it? It's a Because then you got the the miles all that garbage you got to watch We're fucking driving to Tampa. Yeah, I drive to work 15 minutes there. It's about 30 miles a day. What? Dude, are you a fucking are you really that fucking you bought a car? Yeah Used some perfect conditions. Yeah, 2010. That doesn't matter. You could lease a fucking new one You don't drive them dude the miles thing is like a pain the ass. Have you got a scarlet? Have you got a scarlet yet? What scar a scarlet yet what scarlets the greatest strip club in the United States America?

Why is it so great? It's just because there's full release full contact Dude, there's got to be a train. What is for a stop? What did you say? Just come? There's no tranny strip clubs Who says there isn't yeah? Bobby knows the underground map of that. He's like the Harriet Tubman of Traini strip clubs. They walk into Bob. Bobby. Bobby, you want to ginger ale? What's up girls? He balls a little low today. Did you ever say the time me and me and Corielli back in the day when New York was fucking awesome. Just sexual awfulness back before the internet with the peep shows. The reason why peep shows existed is because the average family guy with a wife and kids

couldn't have a stack of porn on movies at the house. So we could go into a peep show and jerk off and leave all the movies there and his jizz on a wall. I did that at one time. So the peep shows, there was a million peep shows because it was so, they don't need them anymore because the average guy at a hotel room the the business guy can jerk off in on his iPhone or his computer in his office and get what he needs he doesn't need to go to a peep show anymore So it's all gone but back in the day before the internet when girls had to walk the streets instead of being on bad pay

This is like they're both ways to school. It's true. It's back when hookers walks Well, seriously, I mean they had to have a pimp and they had to walk the streets because there was no way to find them Yeah, they they're track back then they walked the track. Yeah, now which was 43rd 44th 47th my street There was a bunch of different tracks back. Yeah, so when beat back in the day They used to have all men pop as well Deli owner Yannis just told us what it was Kedj when I was your child I move here to open my restaurant

Delay demand Delay demand stand outside my store Well back in the day they used to have these these sex clubs in New York the massage parlors were different There was all kinds of women not just women, and they had the tranny clubs. And one of the best tranny clubs on the planet was Edelweiss on the corner of, down on 43rd and 11th. Well that's a clear memory. It's a clear memory. Connected to the market diner. Fucking remember the address. It was 4.54. Which is, it was connected to the market diner, which is a landmark in New York. So you go down to the market diner and you just sit there at 2, 3, 4 in the morning and

it's the smokiness, hottest trannies walking out with these fucking dudes. You go in for the eggs, you stay for the chicks with dicks. You go in for the eggs and you take the eggs right out of our sack and putting your mouth But Anyways, so you have a history with Tranny's like well me Corielly will always talk about me. Well easy relax I'm not fucking Derosa I'm married with a full My goals, okay, no, I'm getting to the point we mean derot me and I think I got hot Tranny me and hang on one second You fucking home I'm fucking go down Miami's down there fucking on Miami. He's down there, fucking two weeks.

He's already sucking training deck. He's like guys you don't believe. Yeah, he's fucking... My girlfriend's a dude. Alright, Bird Cage, one second. So, so, me and Corielli, who's the manliest man on the fucking planet Earth. Okay, if there's ever a New York guy, it's Pete Corielli.

So, he's like dude, we always joke about always joke. One night we were over at the baguette in with Ditt's boss at the boss, and he's downstairs, it's Pete Coriope. So he's like, dude, we always joke about it. I was just one night we're over at the bag of it and we did spots at the boss and he's down stay as he shit faced. I'm down there hanging with him. I was just hanging with him when he got drunk and he leans over and goes, we're doing it right now, tonight, like what, he's going to the training bar. And let's go, he goes, barkeep, and he pays his tab,

hails a cab, we're all the way up there. We don't really talk on the way up there. We get to Adelwise, we go downstairs, sitting there, there's all these smoking, I'm talking, fucking wow chicks, okay? There's a chick, she has a mesh dress on with G-string panties. One of the hottest chicks I've ever seen,

her tits are nipples. You can see him. Her fucking juicy ass. I see her. Cautucked between her legs up into her ass hole. She had big hemorrhide. She sees fucking Corielli from across the room. She gets up, walks through a crowd,

like a little packet, dudes, that were trying to hit her. He's a handsome cat, isn't he? Gorgeous. Walks over right over to him and starts talking to him. She's nice, you can see her whole body. You can see her titties. He, I'm sitting there, this other girl comes over to me, smoking hot, she's whispering to my ear.

You know, hello, hello, I'm just like, I'm listening, Coral, you're walking out. Hello, how are you? No, the girl voice. Girl voice. I mean, all the way, I mean, she worked on it, she had it down. Oh, yeah.

I was drinking mimosas, a malleable beach. Mimosas, a malleable. Mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mameo, mame go, why? What happened? He goes, I'm gonna suck his dick if I don't leave. And he just leaves. He walks out, doesn't wait for me. He's just gone. I didn't see him for like two weeks. Dude, we're in that hot. I mean, what are you gonna do?

That's a great line though. I'm gonna suck his dick. I mean, that way. Here's what takes me out of it. The dick. Yeah of it the dick But the dick is the last part you get to no a lot of you me I interrupt the big presence first under the tree Get right to that bike

I want to make sure that things cut and fucking has a helmet on it, it pops out of my mouth. Oh! And that's even gair than like... The train is gonna suck my dick if I don't leave. Yeah, he's gonna suck the train dick. Because he's so turned on by how hot she is. I think so. How does it translate to dick in the middle?

Some of the hotness goes into being impressed at how they pulled it off. Like how did you pull this off that you look exactly like a woman and yet like let me ask you question When you're attracted to a chick are you attracted to the chick because of her of our pussy this a lot of No, but it's no I'm just poking rule that she has a listen Is it does her what are you gonna quit at the last minute? I'll tell you what I'm a like she doesn't have other holes No, I'll tell you very by on a very basic biological level I'm attracted to some kind of pussy stink now maybe subtle If you like pussy stink, but it's the stink from that comes to having a pussy

You like that you like that and I don't want like ball smell. I don't like that's what I'm afraid is There's gonna smell like it inside out balls. Yeah, but they're girls They don't they don't have a ball. Or just balls. Just balls. Oh no, do you like me? You can get one of those. But I just say, wait a minute.

What do you say? Dude, I just made it. I meant to say, you like pushy smell, but I'm looking at Kelly. I'm trying to get it to hit my camera. Yeah. Say I wanted to see I change it. I go, you like me. But you understand when I say pussy smell, I'm not even I changed it. I go you do you understand when I say pussy smell

I'm not even I'm talking about Kelly I got About pharomote like a pharomote and I think everybody shit is based on whatever that is and whatever that smell is for me It's got to be like a nice giant a beast I'm just ignorant and I'm trying to explain a fair amount of by calling a pussy smell But you're Annie's have fair moments. Do I say something? I want to say something Kurt. Yeah, first of all The fair mones come out of your asshole. Okay, so So I just I really did just make that up

There is there is a something that comes out it comes out of dogs assholes It comes out of humans asshole a man's prostate is the male G spot. Oh, I know that. Why do you so why do you say it like that? Derozo I mean I'm I'm fucking losing my mind the sad patches fuck dude I like chicks. I like pussy, but I am impressed by a hot tranny because they look exactly like a chick Okay, I understand that but I'm, I couldn't bang one out to that. Yeah. You're like, hey, great trick. Oh, you're a pretty good man.

You're a pretty good man. You're a pretty good man. You're picky. That's all I'm gonna say. No, no, no. Listen, now I'm not saying, let's say I had to do some time, you know, I didn't do anything. So why, what's the difference?

What's the difference? Five to 10 years. I could be like desperate enough, maybe, but that weiner, I can't get in. I think you're lying. I can never see that didn't get line. I think both you guys are lame No, I don't at all. I'm not I don't have anything Dan wait a second let's say let's not get in a training debate again. Yeah, I mean my show has been I've debated Trainies I think my fans have heard we get it we get it half this podcast of fucking fruits

And the other half of Batman who like the podcast of fucking fruits and the other half of men Man who like the stink of dirty pussy on the fucking fingers I mean a musky wet pussy I had a girl one time I'm when I first moved to New York and I was Yeah, here we go I just I banged this artist chick over here. She lived right up the street Yeah, she lived in like a one-room student bunk bed loft, you know And I remember she brought me up there one day, I had a sneak up past the dude.

And she had this big hairy box, gorgeous girl, big titties, gorgeous little artist dirty, you know, they're little dirty girls. Those college girls don't shower every day. Yeah, yeah. And I remember I was in there pushing and leave the hair on the lips. It's just, yeah.

Yeah, like original demi Septual piece original demi more bush, right? I remember I was going down to a bush I was like oh and it smelled a little bit and I was like you know Can you might want to trim this a little bit? Yeah, that's where this make it's caught in the that's where the funk It's caught in the air she goes That's the smell of pussy if you don't like that smell, then beat it. And you know, that's... And she goes, if not, just keep licking.

That's a woman that knows her product. Yeah. I went down there and just fucking licked a stink right off that fucking ranch. This is what we got in stock, right? This is like, that's when you know you're gonna get a good sandwich in a deli when the guy kind of treats you like shit. Like, I want to say what you're like, oh, fuck you. I want beef. I want beef. I want beef. like shit. Like I want to say, which is like, oh, fuck you.

I want beef. I want beef. I want chicken. I want chicken. Get out of here. And how great was it? How was it? I fucked her in a park the first time, which was awesome.

Took me all night. Beautiful. Yeah, it was. It was very nice. On my dungery jacket. That's where Joe Liss, Joe Liss, fuck the girl gave him herpes in a park. Oh, it was it was very nice on my Dungery jacket. That's where Joe list Joe list fuck the girl gave him herpes in a park It was in a playground. Yeah, every time I hear that story about dry list like herpes story gets worse and worse like He goes herpes. She told him the girl goes before I do this. Yeah, before I do this

I want you to know I have herpes and he's like okay Yeah, the Joe thingers is I'm I should I probably shouldn't wear a condom then you didn't even come No, I didn't even come weird there dumbass. Yeah, he's a fucking idiot. Why did he do that? Because he always wanted to bang her because he wanted a fucking good premise for some jokes Funny in five years. I have a one-man show and five five six you like me you mad at me Yeah, he said that he always wanted a banger. He always had a thing for... Does he go on like, herpy dating sites? What do you do?

He's got a girlfriend. He's got a girlfriend that he has to wear a condom with. Do you have herpes? No, he has to wear a condom when he met. Not yet. Because a condom is always help. I wouldn't go near that. I want to know if that...

I don't know. I don't know if someone, if you guys got herpes, like what girls do if they have to blow them. And what's the... Work around? Well, you're never... It's only's only a break out, which is very rare Yeah, but I would still I don't want to go down on a guy if even if he doesn't have a break out Very I don't want a second dick if he's got herpes

There's no nice second dick in Miami fucking believe I was like first off You just I wish I had herpes cuz I would have fucking wanted to give it to somebody I had her face because I would have fucking wanted to give it to somebody Fucking terrible. What are you doing? You're on your phone. What are we not fucking? Are we not just texted me nice as we were talking? Yeah, that's the guy on the other side of the curtain nice I'm kidding. There's nobody on this It's weird. We're talking about herpes. So how long are you in town for? I'm in town just I'm doing good morning America tomorrow. How do you feel about that? This is like, we're talking about herpes as well. So how long are you in town for? I'm in town just, I'm doing good morning America tomorrow. How do you feel about that?

This is like, this is actual, this is pretty big, right? Yeah, it is pretty big yet. Now who are you gonna be? Huh? Why are you doing it? Darryl. Cause he's somebody cat. Why are you on his feet?

Cause he's getting successful. As well. And what's this about. What's this about? How did this happen? How did you get that? I don't like surprises. I like when Kurt likes his own joke. He just goes,

No, I don't. I thought on a podcast, I can just do it because no one can see. And I know you're gonna describe it Jerk off face Oh, he's a camera. Yeah, he's a fucking smug Smugus Okay, were you pull that microphone down place no no seriously pull it down. I'll cover my smoke this one. This one. Oh, that one. Yeah, that one No, thank you. They like touching stuff government smoke. That's one. That's one. Oh, that one. Yeah, that one. No, thank you

They like touching stuff like Dicks, but I don't Anyways, you're doing good morning America tomorrow. Yeah, which is pretty amazing. I mean who's on that show? What are you doing with? It's me and my co-hosts. No, but who's interviewing you? George Stephanopoulos. Really? Really? Ask him about the Clinton administration. You guys have kind of like a similar like Greek face. Yeah, we're both.

You guys just need to be a little bit. You got Greek face too though, dude. Yep. You look very fucking great. I'm just more like you face. No, you have you face now you have fucking original human face yeah like before the great yeah I used to club

women in caves you're bearing straight you still uh-huh uh-huh bearing straight when they used to walk across from yeah you are you are you are over on ice bridge Straight when they used to walk across from So George Stephanopoulos in the honest are just gonna eat cheese tomorrow Feta cheese talk about being Greek pretty much

So you're on tomorrow today show. What are you guys gonna be talking about good morning America? We're gonna be talking about our new show and they're gonna introduce us. What can people expect? Yeah, shit like that. What can I expect from your new show? Tell us some crazy shit that happened. Stuff like that. Who's on with you again? It's me, this guy Pedro Andrade. Oh, I got like him.

And that guy, the guy that's for gun the world. Fucking honest, we're doing his soccer, common-pater shit. Pedro, say, Ranto, say. Pedro Andrade, he's Brazilian. He was GQ Latin American man of the year two years in a row Yeah, but that's third on GQ hot man. Yeah, there's this France. There's UK Ireland and then It's filthy aids written below me dick. Oh stop it. He's gonna listen to this. Oh, he's his new I'm sorry So what's his name again?

Hello Baloney dick is the best way to describe a fucking Latin cock I'm just saying his Dictator on that you can probably smell it all over Is that so fancy to say Jesus he's gonna be mad I said that All right,. Sorry. Sorry guys Smell and dick all over this set. Yeah Now he's a really really nice guys a journalist. They're both serious journalists and then my other co-host is

Mariana Atensia she's a P body award winning internet anyone having name it doesn't sound like sauce There's one of these people have an American name Her name's Jen now Jesus The greatest Yeah, this is got the sexy pronunciation downpatter La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la It's too long the reason why that joke would have been funny guys. It's too long The names and then we have like news correspondence and contributors like Dan Gentlemen, good you name Dan Lieberman. He's our news correspondent. Why no Dan Lieberman? No, he's from ABC news He started from night. Why do I not know anything about you?

I Do know these people I care about. Yeah, not me. I'm finding out a lot of stuff. What is the show called? It's called the Morning Show on Fusion. And it's morning. So you guys are today show on the new the new network. We're trying to do like a younger edgier morning. Oh, you're like, you can't be making these four skin jokes with me. You're gonna get fired off your show. Why did you tell me to do this? No, it's fine over here. Hang on one second.

I'm gonna just say this. Anybody listening, you haven't said anything. You haven't said anything terrible, you haven't said anything. It's all Curtin Metzger, Curtin Metzger. Curtin Metzger, I'm gonna give a task to the approval by laughing. So, I only have one eye, so I can't be held accountable.

No, you're a cripple. It's funny when they have that conversation with Dito, like they're like, so your Twitter. Oh, yeah, they're like so, you know. I get that though. You're trying to run a business and Twitter's all these snitches are all over Twitter. Yeah, it's fucking snitches get stitches. Wait and find out if you said the wrong thing. Yeah.

Snitches. An old-fashioned party with old-fashioned people white gloves. Yeah, you have to say what kind but old-fashioned Call the class party You know what I mean, but you can't tweet about that Just do it as snitches. Do you have press releases? Where you're like I mean it's it yeah ABC news big one So here's the thing though you really can There's classic dinner I could do whatever the fuck I want on this show. Yeah, but here hang on one second

You have to be careful. I'm honestly I'm gonna say this to you right now I've had people on the show who've been on TV and they've you know they've gotten a trouble Really? Yeah, because they don't you look at thousands of people listen to this fucking thing Yeah, you don't know who's gonna call all right. I'm pushing the show who's gonna call up or who's gonna do something I'm gonna ingested to this somebody's got it like I had a guy don't be a fucking Stitch out there don't be a Fuck I just went through that dude what somebody try to get me fired off Amy show Some girls sort of Twitter

Yeah, I remember that. What was your Facebook? You're like, girl, I ran blanks of a mad man. Oh, yeah, there's like a thing like a disturbing trail of Kurt Mads. Yeah, it's great. The article's fucking phenomenal.

I love it. I loved it. But I couldn't say anything bad. Like not saying, I got a call like I will have to talk to your manager to produce. Who wrote a cut? Was it like Lindy West or

No, I remember I remember From where, Jezebel? No, I don't think she was Yes it was It was actually the first I'm gonna say her dumb name It was Doyle

But where's the first chick that started? No, not on Jezebel But she was the chick who started the whole fucking thing But they, they, I know nothing was about the show They try to bring that that into it. See? Yeah, that's what they do. Yeah, and as a man that had too successful runs. Yeah as the ambassador of Guinness Right, I want to let you know. Yes number one of an alcoholic corporate Dan Number two keep your fucking lips tight

Ships yeah, you making shit. You know what I'm on this is the John I want you to make you tweet you tweet First of all honest comes unglued every once in a while It starts pontificating because he It really is like he's on mushrooms and he's just fucking thrown everything out there on I got a chain I got to be careful now on Twitter. I'm a little You have the Joey D's. What's the Joey? What's the Joey J's? A little bit of a little bit of a professor. What do you professorish? Yeah, you got to be a little careful, dude. You got to make

sure that, you know, because you get a little crazy on here and someone can take anything off of you and and then complain and when they could they'd rather not deal with complaints. Corporate America, even if it's the edgy version, it's not. No, it's nothing. Yeah, yeah. Because they'll find a twade from like two years ago. What's wrong? I know, I gotta go fucking back. I had that to grow me to a photoshop cut and paste

of like out of context things that I wrote like. Yeah. I could, it was actually awesome. Like I looked at hanging, I could it was actually awesome like I look to hang it up So she it was actually just a rape letter A kidnapping rape letter the only way she could have made for crepes is if she cut out the letters And the guys get all at that But I I learned sales at the whiz Remember the whiz no one beats the way and we tell you what they taught us when the customers Just know what they mean is I need to know more

Like kidnapping and rape Um, but fuck that dude. I Want you language change for the show You must have been given my press relations with stock standard like responses that they want you to give. Not really. No, I mean, you know, they did the press release. They didn't ask, I mean, I may do interviews and stuff coming up, but I don't know, it's coming forward.

They say to you say that the show's edgy. No, the big press release was done by whomever. It had none to do with me. If you like go to ABC News, it's just a big article about the show and that's that. Which channel is fusion, by the way? Have you seen it? A brand new network that is launching

on October 29th. And you're gonna be the original. One of the original guys. One of the original morning people. And the problem. And what do you do though? You do weather, are you cooking shit? What are you doing?

No, it's more like a mixture. It's like with the one. Hello? Hello! And when we come back, Shit, what are you doing? It's more it's more like a mixture. It's like what hello And when we come back, we're gonna have some seasonal drinks with the honest pavis and we're gonna Maurizia is gonna be here with a new spice called aspozing It's it's sort of like they they they described it as sort of NPR means the daily show meets a morning show So that's what they were doing news. We do hard news. We do sad time. We do oh don't do sad time. You guys have guests. We have guests are who's the biggest guest? You've got Ricky Martin so far Anderson Silva from the you have what you had a spider spider. Yeah, you had a who talked to him

Pedro Andrade and because he's Brazilian because he's pretty speech Portuguese speech Portuguese. Tutu ben. Tutu ben. They did it in English though, because he's a... Oh, a blind man. And it's in silver and safado. Safado. Real.

The English is not good. Safado. It's a mean. Now, safada. Stop commanding your fucking Latin underlings. But then we did a blind man. We did a blind man. Oh, a blind man.

Where he was like, like, in general curts over there. Stepping to me. Yeah. And it was like, it's a weird thing to have somebody that you know dangerous step to you Yeah, it's a problem like a funny stuff off But you could feel it you like this dude could fucking kill almost anyone on the planet with you should You should when you got up close you should a whisper does an ear in his ear. Oh you women You would a fucking see what a snap to neck. I fucked in your country for money.

Brazilian people are great. I think you're a baby. And they're very sexy people. They are. I think Brazilians and Cubans are my favorite Spanish. A good Spanish women. Brazilian spend right, right? Right?

What? Chinese spend the most money in New York City right under second is Brazilian. Who spends the most money? What do you mean? Chinese on what? On shit around here. Going extinct animals to make their little bicks hard.

Jeez. That tigers and owls and rhinoceros, the last rhinoceros horn. You know that's what they do. You can say that on your thing. The last right now is more you know that's what they do You can say that on your day Jesus I mean you wouldn't think all these things I need abalone abalone I Find

Rapper I need cookbook egg inside I am a dignity fighter business man I come here to find the weird animal. I need I need my bad I don't look at my own penis. It is a shameful Samford piss of my body That's I come here. That is not Guinness ambassador talk No, I got that money in serving You got a lot of money don't you then no, I really then I'll tell you right now I know you line. Can I tell you why you're lying? I'm a fucking god damn professional

I'm a human lie detector. Yes Guess you know why you like most people Dispatch and say yeah, Bobby's an expert his carny face You wait this I don't see much, but it's easy true I guess is your way to the carnival I'm gonna have to ask but I put together that wonder wheel Like a villain in escape from New York now you'd be like a USA characters welcome guy Just you just what are you doing Kelly? What the fuck are you doing? Thank you What the fuck are you doing? I am riding down the flames of the show. Oh, thank you.

That's what you're supposed to be doing. Eyeball, this baby fat. I'm telling you right now. Is that not a good title? Toddler body. I know that you're lying because of the way you look at me. You can't look me in the eye directly. I look you right now.

No, you keep shaking your head. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Hang on, the cyclops and the snowmen and the bolts didn't guide though. That's the twist of the show. The cyclops and the snowman and the bolts in guy though that's the twist of the show Cyclops is the snowman I would love I would love to write a show through Kurt. Yeah, what's right? Sure. Kurt. Do you want to? Yeah? You want to come up with something? Yeah, I got an idea now really for me. No, well it could be for you really It was for me, but maybe I'm not up to it and maybe you could do it. What is it? Oh, let's talk about later

I would love to be involved with Kurt because I know he's he I've never seen him fucking violently angry But I know he has a temper. It's a bad temper. I know he has a bad temper, but it's not crazy But he's also that we're really sweet Jeff. I gotta yeah, but when he gets angry It's one of the funniest things I've ever yeah a frustrated Metsker might it's the one of the greatest things that I've ever been. I carry a lot of stress in my gut. Yeah I'm a sulfur on the home you home you're homiopathy Carry my stress So now you're you're you're on this network you got to kind of cater yourself a little bit You got the you're on them every morning at what time?

Seven and nine every morning. So you work for two hours? Yeah. That's it. Well, then you have an editorial meeting after that. Well, you see Bobby, it's actually one of the first steps. It's actually being on TV. It's not most of the work.

And I have to get my card detailed. It's on there till 12 anyways. I usually call it a nice sushi order. And I have to don't worry I have to get my card detailed on there till 12 anyways Pam usually calls it a nice sushi order I'm a levity is it like the newsroom? That's what I like to It's kind of the newsroom. It looks like that. Yeah, that it's a big fucking Newsroom. Do you have a dressing room your own dressing room? Yeah, just give it office We got a row wow. I have a desk on the newsroom and then we have our own private morning show office the three of us Do you have one? It's Disney money. It's fucking legit. Oh

Back on the podcast. I know. Can we erase me? Okay, well it's ABC It's just listen. I can't I want you. I'm not a racing anything. So I want you to really be careful. Yeah But I'm not having sent me I know that's why I keep bringing this up You know what we're doing? We're making the fucking people at home think that something's going on That's not going on Can I have a tissue? Fucking moke it all comes back to that frozen

Okay, the builder burger group Also the night's templer all comes back so known as the footruckers project I'm not just referencing that you know, it's a they put a lot of money into it man It's yeah your masters you're pyramid masters Put your triangles and messages and catch a video. Bobby's wonderful I want to talk to you after the show I have a special ring on No one's ever noticed welcome how many people do you know about you talk to that? Thank the Illuminati's real it's so funny when they do that when they really fucking are all in on the bombs. Right that aren't black

Well that cuts it down So so you do the show from seven to nine seven and you have guests on it's just a today show basically It's a morning show. Yeah, it's a morning show except the funner. It's a little lighter. It's a little more geared for younger people I guess you're gonna on the today show and accept their warmth and yeah The old the old today show the old guard First the new guys keep saying the today show it's the it's good morning America. Good morning America. You're not gonna be on today show Fuck today show good morning America. Okay, so the number one morning show in the country. Oh Would you know about that today? I'm a company man, which you bitch. Yeah

Oh Would you know about that today? I'm a company man. Which you bitch ass. I'm proud of that. You're proud of my parent company ABC. So you're a company man now. You're corporate yannis. Yeah, I passed the torch on you.

I passed the torch on. Remember it starts with the thumb push. You call him by his full name, Robert. Robert Kelly. Yes. There you are yet. I'm going to do a montage right to teach you the core work. You should know, we are targeting millennials and winking at Hispanics.

You better not winking at Hispanics, they'll get you pregnant. When that guy, Stromblompless, he must have won. He must have opened a lot of doors for people with with stupid names I throw them all up. What's it? Stepping up a list step an obelisk and yana's poppice today on the vices What's the name of the name going from this sleep a couple errors and I'm gonna wake up there Yeah, I know and you're gonna be a totally different from can you act like you go to hell to head? Can you act like you're gonna act tomorrow on this show right now? Like we'll be telling we're all the today.

Oh right. Okay, so all right, we'll next up and turns out cheese isn't that bad. Coming up from the new Univision. Yeah, so popperum. Disparados. Yeah. Yonus Poppers. What's his last name?

Bipkhas. Oh my God. What would you bring in some of your other life into this. Like, that's it from the honest pockets. And that's how you make cheesy grits. Yeah, that's it. And that's how you have sex with a man that dresses up like a woman. That's what ass pussy really means.

Back to you. So, all right, so let's really, let's do this. So, hey, next up, okay,. So hey, uh, next up, okay, hey, Dan and Kurt, next up, we're going to bring bring it up this new, uh, host new show on one of our sister companies down there in Hamayah. Welcome back to Bob's shelter. I love that I started and Dan keeps restarting the show. But I wanted it because of the eye patch. No, it doesn't matter. Don't you, it doesn't matter, man. Don't deny it, improv.

I'm a demon. Accept an ad. Accept an ad. Yes. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, you fucking self-sendin' fucking guy code. Oh, oh.

Oh, oh. Breaking guy code. Talkin' about guy code on this You know some times girls want to talk and you gotta get away from it That's why I'm like whoa you better ease up. I'm in my man cave Yeah, it's not cool to have a real deer head on your fucking man cave Dave Lawl. Are you a man? Don't show me emotion, but they're a breaking guy. But then I like that. Please seriously though erase that because I need these five episodes.

How much you have? I mean, like, great sincere takes as they get from Chris D. Stefano. What? These most sincere guy, what you mean? Yeah, he's like, well, brawl. I mean, I don't think you're, you know, doing nothing bad. If you're like, know, doing nothing bad. You're like, no, no, Chris, it's like a fake fictional code.

We need you to make jokes. You know, I got this guy, Robbie Jokes, he's from my neighborhood. He always had jokes, do it. He had a baseball bat, and on the batty had jokes before he hit you. He'd tell you one of these jokes, and then you'd wake up and remember the joke. I like Chris. I like Chris. The stuffus Devano is a walking one-man show He's neighborhood wasn't always like this and the key word is one He really does his family

I like that. All right. I'm sorry that our fake interview got so off track with my selfishness. Yeah Giannis it's over around You got so off track with my selfishness. Yeah, you're honest. It's over. It's over. You missed your chance right here. You did it twice. You reset it twice.

And I bring it back. I don't like tired Dan. I don't like I just don't the predator. Don't fry. Don Fredditor. I just made him a stick. Don Fritters fry. Don the predator.

Why? Why is he called the predator because he is a child molester mustache well also because he champions the white race if he was really here because every corporate the chance motherfuckers finally so so I'm gonna break in this country I mean, so, so, I'm blind. You got a break in this country. So-called America. Welcome back to militia talk with Curtin Dan and- And the racist award goes to- It doesn't make a racist.

It doesn't make a racist. There you go, accept your award. It's a suit to lose you. That doesn't make you a except your award first You a racist That's racist Okay, that's racist You want to get a sec with a fucking wand like that Ray's been racist while holding that wand

Has under it. Didn't some racist me instead of patriotic I you are you nervous about what you can say on stage now because you're so you are in a corporate position. I can't do that man. I can't live like that man. I just let it go. Wait a minute. Yeah, first off, you can just stand there. You're riding the bus, right? You're riding his jokes in his book, riding the bus.

Now that he's got a shot, he's got to take it. If you had one shot To host a mildly successful morning show on a Latin fuse network Or would you just keep doing a transsexual Good morning times on what is it the spanglish now? It's called morning times with y'all his pop What's the guy's name please? Pedro and drottie

Yeah, the race car driver Pedro and dotting Mary on oh Payas or something Payas Potentio Mariana, and Tensio the papaya king of New York Jesus Christ. I never thought Domino was most of the day. I never thought that he was a nice sea breeze while playing Domino's. If you have ever opened up a fire hydrant, you're going to love this show. If you've ever went to the ice cream man and couldn't afford it and had to go to the

slushy dude on the corner, you're going to love this show. Corona ice cream man and couldn't afford it and had to go to the slushy dude on the corner, you're gonna love this show. Corona ice cream. If your family barbecues on the West Side Highway, if your family can get the prime picnic spot right next to the highway in the park, if going away for two weeks means living on the West Side Highway, you call sunny D orange juice. Well, that's true.

That's what my that's what I do. If you ask a total stranger to buy you some juice, you're gonna love this show. Mr. Guy Bobby some juice. If you walk up to a random strangers with a box of candy that you stole and say can you help my football team You're gonna love this show Listen so the show's happening. You're one of the stars one of the three Okay, now you're probably you're a good looking guy You're a good looking guy, but you're not you're unconventionally good looking compared to you two other hosts Yeah, they're very good. They're like they're stereotypically good looking compared to your two other hosts. Yeah, they're very good looking. They're like, they're stereotypically good looking.

The woman is fucking phenomenal. And the guy, the guy is, I'd fuck them. Yeah, the guys like take your wife from home. He used to be a model. And then there's you. There's you with your five o'clock shadow on a dimple. Yeah, yeah, I hear you, man. Yeah, but that wild kind thing is hot, you know,

the way? The white you're the wild cod, do you know what I mean? But I also look pretty man. Yeah, but that wild kind thing is hot, you know, the way the white you're the wildcard You're a name, but I also look pretty good. I lost a lot of weight You can keep saying it we get it I can see you I didn't really notice it But fine you look the same is when I last I love the What you talking about I love the thought of the honest is apartment in Miami It's just like American psycho. He's just in garbage bags on a treadmill.

I'm gonna get sexy, get sexy. I can see Yannis' collarbone man. You'll put his fridge in a tank. You'll get a tank, a tank, a tank, a water. Yeah. Oh. Listen, first of all, I think this eye patch is cutting circulation off to the top half of my brain

because something's happening to my head. Like, above the patch is sweaty. Below it is actually cold Nerve damage I'm curious who got in trouble on this show for saying what I can't really talk about it because I will be bringing it up again I just can I just you play in this it wasn't one of these I don't where people listen to my show on rants Okay, what he did is he said something not thinking and one of, and he, one of the fans defended him. All right, he said something about some show that he was on and they went on, that's bullshit, why would you,

and then the actual show people were like, what are you doing? And it was just a mess and look, it is what it is. But you gotta be careful, you get on these podcasts. Well, did they let Andrew Schultz back in guy coders? Well, I gave him another show. Nine other in guy coders? Like I'm another shy Nine other shows. What does MTV doing just handing out five shows a person? Do you except for me? How many show you have a show? No, why'd you get some fat tongue sneakers and a flying again you?

No, I have a I have a script deal with Comedy Central, but that's not oh script deal. What does that mean? It means I'm gonna write something that's not gonna be made. Oh, yeah Let's keep let's keep this guy off the market for the next so no one else gets him for the next year and a half I'm gonna keep looking like a fucking poetry community college poetry teacher Okay, hang on one second. Can you please pass this down to poetry whatever the fuck that was Good boy, I have one I you fuck Is that already outside hosting what's that noise it's already screaming outside? It's everyone. It's amazing hang on. Let's listen Oh my god that is already you can interrupt you from a distance. Yes From from like he's like a drone

Distance. Yeah, yes From from like he's like a drone Three floors away. The way a conversation. I can't I can't have a list podcast because it's too much taxing for me to go up and down And there's microphone levels like I literally just have to stay there Exactly you just scare the shit out of it right already listen again Yeah, that's him talk that's a guy whose girlfriend is being hugged by already right? Yeah, yeah, I'm the girls I If you're a chick that attracted to already like I've seen some he's gotten some fucking hot tail man crazy The second I know that you fucked out. I'm just like oh

That was my that was my chick test pass in the back of the day way back in the day I walked it I walked a walked it, grow in, and if she walked out and said, oh, I like, I like, already a god-free, because they're smoking hot dudes. Yeah, all right, great guys. And they great, they can, shmooze anybody, they can fucking talk

the way out of terrorism, okay? And if they walked out and like, I like them both, they'll be like, good for you. You're out. If they walked out and went, oh, fucking, I can't, I would shut the fuck up. You were officially like too, too fucking retarded for me to. I put first one, I love audio though.

He's a great guy. Hey, I love audio too, but any chick. And we're not talking about, we're not talking about Arlene, Lang here. We're already see, I have no idea. Listen, Gary, shut your face while I do my impression of Arlene, you know, I'm gonna be on my show and if you guys like heroin and Snickers bars, come on by the fucking

show. It's not bad at all. And that's pretty good. Nick DePolo was on the show before, but I had to get him off because you know, I like to be here. You gotta do that. You gotta sit back. What's his name? Yeah. Once I sit back, yeah. So is that your name, Dan Soda? I had you on the show before too. Yeah, well, when you had the the you read my book yet. It's called tears and fucking Niphones Sorry Yannis poppuses all year on the show today promoting your what is this this?

Spiniano show you get on the morning What is it? Al lupo cucko. What are you guys cooking rice and beans for breakfast? Because I like the burrito breakfast, you know. Everything almost. It's pretty good, especially the end of the trailer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you're on the fucking show. You got this thing. When is it going? Is it airing now? October 28th. So it's not even airing. October 29th. So you guys are filming shows that aren't airing? No, we're rehearsing. You're

rehearsed with Anderson Silver. They're recording them. Yeah, well, we shot. That's an interview. That's pre-taped. That'll roll. When? Well, what do you? What kind of what do you roll? What is that? What is that? What are you just doing to me? He just fucking he went he went like this. There's pre tape. It's going to roll. What do you meant to to me? He just fucking he went he went like this dead's pre tape It's gonna roll what he meant to say what we do We have the elements and the sides you know what I mean if we got a hard top it all depends We got to ride along on this story. I'm gonna ride along your face with my nut sack Here's what he's gonna appreciate cheek with the side of my balls. What are you talking about? Let me translate. Yes, Dan Massl say

Yes, Dan. Massal say. Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, MPN and all the America Mead up Asians like I wish I could oh my God Fucking wanted your ass. I do Here so so we expect this theth, which I'm very excited. I can't wait, I'm glad I get to see you in the morning. I can't wait to see the show. And you're actually, you've actually invited me to do a segment, you're doing segments with other people.

So you're hookin' up your friends, which is, that's what the fucking business is about. Yes. When somebody gets some type of fame or some type of success, well, you can help us, the rest of us is what you do. You know what I mean? I have a podcast, come the fuck on and promote you shit. You want to do it, do it, do it. What?

I don't know. You know, I am talking about Kelly and your Kelly for Stuka, Sandal. That's their kid. Yeah, you want to go, Joe. Yeah, I said it not do anything, dude. By the top. I like that Kelly's sitting over there now, huh? Well, she's producing the show.

Oh, I think so. And I gotta say, she's blowing fucking Chris Scopo out of the water. Scopo, what do you think? Scopo, what do you think? It's too fucking caught up in the East. She's multi-tasking. She's in the conversation, looking at the screen. he's she's she's multi-tasking. Yeah, she's in the conversation looking at the screen She doesn't need to look at you and listen scope when he's to look

He's got like alpha male disease. He needs to eyeball you while you're talking Oh, it's doing a good job. He's got that fucking gorilla disease. Yeah, he's got a fucking booty like a Brazilian broad though Young comic good kid though really great guy We talk about it the other day he has to buy 48 jeans comic, a good kid though, really great guy. He does have a weird bottom, weird ad. Dude, he did. We talk about it the other day. He has to buy 48 jeans. Because for his ass. Just for his ass, he's not a 48 waist.

He has to cinch it up. And he has fucking funny. He cinches it up on his waist. Because his waist is like a 34. But he's got a 48 ass. He should be on the cover of King magazine. And what the fuck does it look like that? It's tight, it's fuck too.

Yeah, it's really, really tight. I really, I want him with a G-screen, still, fuck it. G-string. I liked it though. Because you're gonna say G-string in front of a low rider car. No, I was gonna say G-string on the fucking

on a brand new custom chopper. Yeah. He really does have a fun time. It still worked. Because it said custom chopper. Yeah, he really does have a good word because it said custom chopper. A K and a C always gets them laughing. Woo! I'm the one-eyed joke master. Welcome to my show. Yeah, that Batman villain now.

Oh, my eye fixes by tomorrow. It sucks traveling with this. The doctor. The doctor. Oh, my God. What doctor's open, right? this. What the fuck are you doing? The doctor. Oh my god. What doctor's open, right? I doctor Steve. I think you should go to emergency room.

That's what you're ready, doctor. What are they going to get me? They're just looking to tell you if something like that is, you know, maybe gets infected in your own trouble. Yeah, too. I think you have to avoid that. You have to avoid an object going in your eye and you get an infection.

And you don't want to get infected under there. That'd be terrible. Do you have to take a an airplane? I'm gonna call Dr. Steve because an airplane we're gonna wrap up in a couple minutes I'll call Dr. Steve after we wrap up and I'll tell him what's going on. Okay. We're all worried about yeah I'm fine. Okay, you're gonna have to have a glass. I'm nice I'll just scoop it out dude get it over over with it. What the fuck is it? It's not ice cream, you hunk suck. It's like a rotten, rotten, rotten, right out with a rotten grape it is.

Let's make that sound. But I'm excited you're back though dude. You left us, you were on the show, you're one of the fucking stars of the show. Now we've been stuck with Lewis J Gomez for less fucking, too much. Fucking Amy. He's the least he's the jerk off.

Yeah. I know what the line'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. are the way guys are pretty popular on Twitter. Yeah, and he just goes with my dick and balls together. I'll be looking like me and potatoes. So I call myself, he doesn't understand though that I'm the fucking, I'm the zoo trainer

that taught the monkey how to fucking put on a tie and go out and meet the fans. You understand? I'm the guy who fucking, who fucking swat him in the ass in the game of biscuit every time he did something good. I got a sport coat with a fucking like ball cap because that's how he wrestling because he's a real ass dude. Because if he doesn't everybody's gonna go is the line for the comedy club here at the

show start because he looks like security. I'll tell you what the he's giving the band down to give me the fucking band down to give him a fine series is one of my favorites. I love it his vine series Comedians pissing. Yeah, I can't really does comedians jumping off bridge Yeah, my favorite vine series from Lewis Chegomas. He's got another one now with the cock thing Yeah, that cocktober he's fine. Yeah, what's one on your face? He takes a carol though And he puts it on your mouth. He went and bought a fucking deep look at this a guy with a kid a wife

He's not making a ton of money gorgeous son went out about a 25 dollar fucking dildo But he bought a custom like that matches his skin and then he sticks it on his head and walks around And then he does a cocktail or thing where he has music on his phone And they try to like catch your face and you know, it's a vine. It's a suction that sticks onto his forehead So it's good to cock. Yeah, yeah, look. We didn't say we approved him. We tell him to move. I Fucked up. I fucked up. We have an launching pattern Stop get the fuck out there and share with the world. Yeah, we're holding him back Bobby took you guys three years to get him out of here And I brought him back in

Yeah, he being a fucking he'd be the drainage in Los Angeles right now and fucking underground street fight club Oh, it made me so happy him at the improv fighting with the door guy the first night. Oh, yeah You don't want to let me in. Well fuck you. I'm a real ass dude You want to let me my cock in? How about I slam this fake cock into your face? Steven Spielberg. Yeah, Jamie Musada, I don't give a shit who you are. You're on. Laugh factory, I'll fucking laugh this.

Yeah, I'll fucking fight you outside. You're on the habit of the impromptu. You see him at the bus every night because he's gonna take the bus. Who'd he fight you? Who'd he fight with? Nobody, you fucking drug addict. We eat this. It's improv.

We're making everything up. This whole show is made up I wanted so bad that there's a story Just wait 10 minutes. They will be one to be such a real Lewis had a general meeting in Los Angeles I think the last day's Yeah, what happened to your ear? The guy boxed it because we fought oh, yeah What about wife? You're still going to court for that now? He had to go Because we fought oh yeah Right What about wife are you still going to court for that? No, he had to go when he has to send me a check But I have yet to receive how much

My hospital bill like 900 bucks. That's it. You know you should put an extra couple hunting on there for you know I And that's why Kelly's producing It should maybe really this way is what Kelly does, that's beautiful. Yeah, a poor ordered joke. You don't know if it's supposed to be funny or she was serious. She did what I did. I was serious.

Now she turned it into a... Why doesn't he throw you a couple extra donuts? No, she thought this is the joke, ready? Seriously? Dan, she thought Hyundai was going gonna throw us into a tizzy He should throw a couple hundred This is her new technique by the way you hear this where she just goes along with it. Oh, Bobby. Oh We these everyone else Now that was done a fuck with those. She's failing on the producing

Come on do you watch those commercials for the fifth estate about Julian Assange? People need to know Looks like that fucking androgynous model. People need to know what six I am. I don't know what it sounds like an old witch. I'm not sure. You guys are not sure. I can't really see it.

What they people deserve to know. All right, well listen, we're gonna wrap this up. You guys are great. Thanks for coming in. You guys on such short notice. I wanted to fix. Thank you for inviting us to your layer. Yeah.

Yeah. We came. We didn't have that shit. Go get it checked out. I got to Kelly, you're going to have to read the ads, because I can't. OK. We're going to do some ads.

But before you do that, I want to say, I'm glad to have you back. Thank you for doing this, man. You know I love being here. I love this. It means a lot to me to be here. And I came down here with one eye, literally. Yeah, and I appreciate it.

And anytime you come back, please let me know. You're one of my favorites. I love you, buddy. Thanks, man. And I'm very happy for your success. I hope I hope all the good to the show and all the blessings and it's a hit. All the blessings and all the blessings.

I'm gonna have to act blessed. Good energy out. Good energy. and it's a hit and all the blessings and all the blessings. Oh, you know how to say, hashtag, hashtag, hashtag. Good energy out. Good energy. I hope one day you can reconcile with my dog, Palutzka. She's a beautiful, beautiful, Palutzka. I really do.

So watch this shit. Born of love. Have you ever. Oh my God. Jesus, I'm like, hi, HERS. If you have, if you have vios, make sure you check it out on October or cable vision cable what else some other shit on October what cocks on to what you can say that you can't say that

it's a cable company. Oh I thought it was no I'll translate it's corporate okay thank you dad up. I'll be between night then also check out fusion.net. The stream a lot of shit But you know go on the website and request in your area typing your zip code There's like a war room. Yeah, that works. No, it actually does now. It doesn't it does Yeah, listen, I've tried I've they gave us I've been trying to get fucking HD net back on time wanted for a long time It doesn't work. Yeah, yeah fucking Yeah. Fucking mail into your governor. That way that changes shit. Cuomo don't do that. Dicabar came. It's a lot. It was faster than roadrunner. Oh my god. That good. It is. Oh my god. I think it wasn't because you're a fucking pothead. Hey. Why do you keep blaming that? Yeah. I don't know. First off man.

It's a very drug or a term. Are you a pothead? a pot head yeah yeah well we don't call ourselves that well we call ourselves marijuana enthusiasts yeah do you I hope I can't wait till you fucking yeah I have paranoia yeah you I have I don't have I have paranoia of being attacked by potted's okay be thinking my back yeah what he's got a sciatica fuck both he is I got to wait he's caring around all that weight in the front. Oh, it's easy to walk around with his circus dickies guy. I gotta get my medicine. Yeah, I need my medicine. This is done.

I think, Kelly, read that. Read the ad before we go through the promo. I mean, the plugs. Okay, so we've got Amazon.com. So if you want to buy anything online, maybe for Christmas, I'll fuck that one. Okay. I'm gonna fucking red dime from them.

Really? Well, it's at riots.com and click on the robot cally link at riots.com. Angle, we've got Gamefly. Fuck that one too. Okay, and then we've got tweaked audio as well. Are we still like them? Love tweaked.

Okay, tweaked audio. Go to tweakedorda.com, put in the code word, dude. There are inexpensive headphones, you get 33% off when you put in the code word. Yeah, and don't worry about this, check this out, free shipping, scootitweek.io.com right now, they got mic non-miced, awesome, inexpensive headphones, not cheap and expensive, I've got around five pairs,

I love them because I can lose them, and they last a long time, and you know what, 33% off is unbelievable. So don't just buy one pair. That's like buying a stick. It's quite a deal on headphones, I have to say. It is, it's like buying a stick of gum, buy a whole pack, buy a couple packs,

and you get free shipping in a lifetime, a limited warranty. Tweet.io.com, use the code word dude. Put them in every hole on your body. And it's also hulu.com as well as a two week free trial as well if you go to HuluPlus.com slash WM. That's not the newest ad you got there honey. It's not.

No, you're supposed to have the new ad that wraps that you. Oh, he said it. Listen in. What? I got this today. So let me show you. Let me see. Where is it?

Where is the new copy came in this morning? Pandora for a second Kelly I'm sorry. I apologize. I see you. You doing a great job tonight. All right, so I might throw you a hundo I'm kidding. Just fucking read the whole of that. No read the whole of I just padded Kelly's tit by accident. Did anybody see that I went read the whole of that kid padded Kelly's tit by accident. Did anybody see that? I went, read the Hulu ad kid. No, you brought your curse.

The Jewish law. It is handy. The world needs to deny. I got to read the ad. Okay, so go to heliplus.com slash WM and it's two weeks free trial after that. What? Huluplus.com.com what?

Slash WM. What the fuck is that? You get the extent slash W M? I don't know. It's just what's written here. That doesn't you fucking numbschool. Oh, that's for the other way. Oh, I know what it is. It's for because I was sent one for another show. You're a fucking I mean, am I out of my mind, Dan? This bitch just read the that's like reading the parentheses on a script Where are you going turns his head? He was for another shine. Oh my go. Sorry

com full slash why could I be day like read it again from the beginning Guys here's the hulu plus ad Have you guys have you guys checked out Hulu.com? I honestly got Hulu Plus is really great, but I'll tell you why, because you can watch it anytime, anywhere, on your TV, your computer, your tablet, your phone, 799 right now per what?

799 a month, that's it. And you get a two free week trial from me to you, my fans. Kelly, how do they do that? You just go to huluplus.com for a slash YKWD and there's also a link on the right cast page. If you go to the right cast page, my page, there you go, but YKWD lets them know I sent you. You're going to stand that. So that's how it works.

They know I sent you. I make a little cash. You guys get, you get two weeks free, which is unbelievable. Whoplus.com? Tell them some of the shows, tell them some of the details of the show. Some of the shows, we've got SNL's, Seth Meyers and Moon, Moon Boys star and Chris O'Dowd from Bridesmaid. Well, that's an original show right there, though.

Let me tell you something. We both need to know. They actually are producing original content, which I love these because it's not just the fucking TV networks we know. Now these, this company is actually producing shows, which I love. Yeah, let me know. It's another outlet, another opportunity for all of us. So then, and what's the other show that you get like community and family guy.

What's the other show that they produce though? Um. Orange is a new black or something. Oh, do they? because I don't have it. No, that's not right there That's pretty good. I'm too. We have that Okay, you can check out It's not written here guys, but I'll read it okay Fuck I fucking hate her You fucking there's no pressure. It's in front of your face. You've never read a treasure

You can also check out exclusive content Including Hulu originals like the awesome starring SNL Seth Myers and Moonboy starring who agreed that I just read that You didn't read the awesome. Yeah, I did. No, you did you did what did you? I did oh sorry I pull did she did what did you? Boy, oh, sorry. I Poses Kelly you doing a great show sometimes I have one I Kelly I don't know I can't trust you with one I have to help you all right you guys Let's wrap this up. Thank you so much. All you people will donate make sure you check out the newest show on the riot cast network Nick de Pollo has joined the Riot.

I'm very excited. He's number five today on iTunes. I listened to the first episode. It was phenomenal. Classic Nick Depalo. I love it. So make sure you go. iTunes, subscribe and review.

Leave a five star. Don't be an asshole and leave. Well, lift the four because you're not a reviewer. Yeah, who do you think you are? I'm just tip five and say awesome. What? I want to bring race wars to here good. Let's do it. I got get me a you got three of them Yeah, send me that one of them so I can listen to it. Okay. I love you Kurt. Kurt Madska. What do you got? Oh, I'm taping my commie central hour This I don't know this ares, but that's great. They give you an hour

They wouldn't give me an hour going really wouldn't now they wouldn't what is it? Wow, they said my Democrat. I don't hit their demographic. I can't I got spots That's what comedy central said to me. I've been in the business 20 years I'm I'm literally a professional this how I make my living through comedy that's it's my day job It's not a comedy and I I I don't fucking whatever, but I'm happy for you I feel like that's something I know I don't fucking whatever, but I'm happy for you. Tyrone, I feel like that's something. I know, I don't give a shit because I'm doing it anyways. I love it because you can't stop me, motherfuckers.

I'm doing it fucking anyways. You don't want it? No, I'm kidding. They might buy it after I take it. We just need something. You know what it was? I think you want comic right now. It was looking more for the, yeah.

People really tie patches, you're more your mom. No, I'm kidding. They would they did they didn't want it But you know whatever it is what it is. It is what it is I'm shooting I'm taping anyway, so it doesn't matter, but I actually love following I have to go through Dude comedy central fucking whoever you do it good for you. When are you taping it? Saturday? What Saturday? This Saturday this Saturday fuck this ain't coming up this Saturday Yeah, this Saturday is not they're not gonna hear this. So what else do you watch it? I'm gonna come out and then it's gonna come out listen go Amy Schumer season two will be coming out make sure you watch that show Amy show is really funny

You're so glad. Yeah, she's good man. I'm so glad that not only this stuff, when you friend or something you really like does a show it gets a show, you really hope that it's good. Because if not, you're gonna have to lie to their face. It's a... So does on it. I'm in a sketch, but Kurt, I watched some of the sketches. We watched like a run-through, whatever.

And holy fucking shit, there's some funny sketches this season. And her show is great. And it really is so good. She's fucking hilarious. Yeah. She's fucking funny. But her writing for it? Her standup is fucking hilarious.

Yeah, she's killing it right now. I mean, legitimately, I watched her at the seller a few weeks ago. Yeah. And I was like, like fucking I was in tears She's really great. So you're right around that show so make sure you watch the show when a special comes out get on that Fucking special by the DVD And what's it what's called it white precious Damn what do you got?

I'll be at the Arlington Draft House November 1st and 2nd I'll be at the Arlington Draft House November 1st and 2nd. I'll be in Bloomington, Indiana. Oh, the comedy addict. Really? Yeah. I don't know, but I'll be there November 6th of the 8th. Oh, I got a spot. I got a downstairs.

Baby, too. What time are you? I'm 12 or 5. Can I plug mine? You're out. Last baby. Well, Kelly goes and then you go. So, Kelly, what are you good? I've just got underbelly, that's it. And my way was I, Kelly, if you do go

come on in. My name is Robert Doney. You tapped me when I was topping, but I'll go to Twitter as well. Janice. Thanks for doing the show, buddy. Yeah. Liberty live November 8th to the 10th, and then the Tampa improv. I can't remember the days. Just please go look at their website and make sure you go to Tampa improv you if you haven't seen Janice live Or any of these guys live you're a fucking idiot. So go check out Dan Kurt and Janice That's it. He's gonna be a Love it alive, which is a nia. It's a great club. You guys go to robberkellylive.com

If you're all my dates my Facebook my, make sure you follow these guys too. Kelly, Dan, Kurt, Janice, follow them on Twitter, support them, let them know you heard them. Right here on the YKWD, you guys are the best fans in the world. I appreciate it. Spread the word, tell your friends, get more people into the podcast, and that's it dudes I'll see you later. You know what we did? We're this folks, we're this folks, we're this folks You know what we did? We really did, really, really

You know what we did? I miss you, I miss you Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. condiciones en volotea.com.