Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - When the Bass Drops

Episode Date: March 13, 2017

This week on YKWD: Duncan Trussel, Josh Gondelman, and Christi Chiello. We are guided through a journey of meditation, salvation, and fecal transplants. Bobby and Josh break down the Curse of the Bambino. We also prove that we are not in the Matrix.  Watch / Listen and enjoy!   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is going to be a cost of fire. This podcast has no rules. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a microphone? No, that's so f**k. That was trying to keep it like a comic head.

I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, yapping sometimes, it's hilarious sometimes, it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. No way, both sides of the coin! That's how it all holds the odds you love apart. You want a day you think my podcast is popular enough where I might affect some of these life.

You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast. You're so brave. You're so brave. No, no. A vagina. What makes you think that? Deep. Because when the two girls were acting gookie, you were looking at them like you wanted to cut their throat and watch football.

All right, you're not wrong there. What's up? All right, we're back. I'm back from Aruba. What a fucking great place Aruba. If you want to fuck St. Marks, fuck Mexico, fuck Jamaica. Yeah, let's go to Jamaica, but you can't leave the fucking resort. Sounds fun. That sounds fun.

That sounds fucking, yeah. Fuck off. 2% crime rate, that's it. I know, the fucking girl. The girl. The girl. No, unbelievable. unbelievable great time great vacation Here's what you're doing you go to a hotel on vacation to get yourself a scene out

Breaking into 20s you walk in the door everybody you touch your hand. I'm a fucking double-barry You know, stand me hand the guy out front a double-barry the guy who takes your bags give him a fucking 20 The lady at the front desk is checking you and hello, what's your, yeah, here's 20 for you, sweetie. Thank you so much. What kind of room am I? Are you getting me a good room? Here's 20, thank you.

The manager comes out, give him a 20. Thank you for having that bump. And then when you go to the room, give the other fucking 20. They'll love you all week, whatever you want. It seems like a lot. I'm not even a cheap guy. That seems like a lot.

$20, just to carry the bags. Imagine you, all right, here. I'm gonna put it in your perspective. I understand they'll care for you all. If you all, okay. But I'm gonna put it in perspective for you. You go to a hotel, hand out a doll to everybody who's the same thing for me.

I get a boom. I had it. Like, Sife, I would be giving hundreds out. You know, Zan, it goes on. Bill Gates, fucking fives, hundreds. All right, you're a great guy. You're a great customer. You tip well.

I'm just telling you that hundred bucks at the beginning is gonna get you the best room they got. Yeah. And they're gonna, a seriously, it's gonna give you the best room they got, especially if you go, they put me in a group room this time, they'll be like, oh, we'll put you in a real good one now. Yeah, that'll take care of you.

Cause they, they getting paid whatever. Yeah. They getting whatever, they Because they get paid whatever. Yeah. They get in whatever. They're not making a ton of cash. You give them a fucking double berry? Thank you. I'm going to get a fucking drink. That chick's taking the bus to work from the dusty side of the island.

The police. I'm ready to down for a second. Did you make up double berry? Double berry. Double berry. Okay. Double berry. I'm like, maybe I'll explain. Sounds like lipstick flavor If you go to it

If you go to casino, why'd you wear a t-shirt with those? No, they're bouncy. They're so bouncy and they're fun. She looks like a podcast art with those things I want to go to get Lauren is here and depot is here in in Christy cello Brand new show Congratulations Christy. Thank you so much. Yeah, and if you don't know why we named it that then you're fucking your dumb I'm gonna say the retarded word because I read seven reasons why you shouldn't use the word retarded My favorite word okay, well then a double berry. Yeah, what is it?

Okay, if you slot machines back in the day, a 20 would have a double berry on it. It was a two berry. Oh, not like a dingle. And that just means it's $22. Two cherries, it's two cherries. And the cherries. Yeah, look.

I just Googled double berry and like marijuana strings came up. No, put up $20 bill double berry. Put that up. No, put up $20 bill double berry. Put that up. $20. Wow. That's a lot of cherry. Yeah, Bobby. Look at all that money.

Put double berry casino. Daddy's been me a double. I was locked in the street. Casino's not what you guys. What is Bobby talking about? This is really fun to part of me. Yeah, I think you're're going to say. Typing what is Bobby talking about? This is really fun to part of me here. Yeah, I think you're going to fucking question me. There we go.

Well, that's a triple berry. Those are sh- But berries aren't cherries. Yeah, it's a- I know, honey. Cherries are berries. Bubba, it's a slang word, okay? It's slang, get rid of it. It's a habit in terms.

Yeah, would you just do hang loose? Anyways, it's the talk of the town at Bobby's house In the world. That's a fucking that's a bold statement Is it I got scared when you said that that happens a lot to everybody It's scared I peed a little bit. Why I just scary shut the fuck what? It's scary. I'm not a little bit. Why? I just scary. Shut the fuck up. What? It's scary, but it's hot. I'm not scared of it.

I'm the most gentle fucking, I help, I try to help everybody. I help a lot of people. I'm a very nice person. You are, but you have an intimidating, right? I just have, I just don't like to be fucking. But it's like, it's like, in the mafia, I'm talking fucking depot. I'm sorry. you know what? I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm a bear. Quick counterpoint, the mafia boss helps people too, but like, they expect something back. Yeah, you might be coming. Yeah, I expect something back. I expect something. Oh no, I'm meadows of pride now. And it's just kind of scary to think like,

what does he want back? Does he want me to kill somebody? Yeah. Does he want me to rob a bank? Maybe. I don't know, maybe. Maybe I'm on the hook for that. That's kind of scary. How about this this how about you get the TV in the TV

I did my part I did my part I'm waiting on people I'm waiting on people I'm waiting on people I did what I do but I do these people that what the fuck what the fuck kind of people they don't fucking have the TV Marvel's not here yet. I don't know why. All right, well, he can't do Italian. I'm at the Italian one. He did a good job. All right, he can't take that away from me.

It's my thing. You don't sound Italian. You sound fucking long Island. Joey. Joey. Yeah. Joey. Quick question about Italians.

Yes. Do Italians clean their ears with a spoon? Now what? It's not like I do that once I do pizza real. He might clean their ears with a spoon? Now. What? That's a lot of guy do that once I defeat Saria. He might have just, because he never cute tip. Italians use cute tips. He was probably homeless or something.

I had a friend of mine who was Italian, if you know what I mean. Okay. His family owned an Italian restaurant. Wee-lee. Anytime you wait, first of all, they don't use their ovens. Okay. If it's a single Italian guy, he's not cooking. His oven is for fucking papers and guns.

I was so hot. Old newspapers, right? And then every time you went to his house, he would make me take my socks off. Yeah, that's too much. And what? No, wait, to make me take my socks off and make me put on brand new socks.

He didn't understand why people didn't wear new socks every day. He goes, it expense is ridiculous. It's not then. He made me take my shoes off and he saw my, I had socks on them. A little dirty, not dirty, but they were just older. They were still white, but they weren't white white. He goes, take your socks off.

I go, no, he goes, take your socks off. I took my socks off and he gave me new socks. Every time I went to his house, he goes, put your socks on. Oh my god. It was kind of nice Well, he gives you new socks, right? He had a closet full of new socks. That sounds incredible from a truck that Clip over yeah, he I'm on one time. He had a cat and He's not like me. He had a little kitten, right? He loved it. He goes, I love this thing. Next time I'm going over, go, where's the cat? I hear, he goes, the fucking cock second thing was scratching up my brand new leather couch.

I opened the closet door. It was duct tape to the door. Oh, oh my God. Oh my God. I hear the thing for duct tape. Oh, in torture. Yeah, he would duct tape people and put them in the trunk. Oh, shit.

And then take them to the casino, because they'd be like, I can't go, you're going. And he'd roll duct tape around them and throw them in the trunk. Oh, shit. And then take them to the casino because they would they'd be like, I can't go. You're going and he'd roll duct tape around them and throw them in a trunk and you wake up at the casino. How'd you come to meet this? I worked at an Italian restaurant in the North End, which me and Don went to. Lafamille, Drogios, and it was just a family owned Italian old school, you know, Italian restaurant. And they're the sweetest people in the world. The guy still, Al still works there, Mary Ann still owns it. He still greets people at the door.

Sweetest people ever. But I have the highest total of these the best. Sounds like the best. Yeah. I've been watching a lot of YouTube videos made by this guy, Frank G. Aquinto. Yeah. And he's like a nobody on YouTube. He has like 2,000 views tops on his videos. Yeah.

But he just, he just really goes through like detail about like how to make a pizza. That's cool. And he just shout outs for like all these pizza reas that he's been working at and he knows all their names, all the family names, very endearing. Very nice guy. That sounds great. I was kind of a dead end story, but here's the thing with YouTube videos, I can do a YouTube spiral.

For hours, just go from, I don't know how they're connected. You know, that's why I love that new laughable app. Did you see laughable? Yeah, I'm on laughable apparently. I'm listed. You're all on it. Really? I know what that is. I'm like, laughable is this brand new app. Okay. It's a brand new app, hang on a second, I'm sorry. It helps you find podcasts that your favorite comedians have been on. It's exactly. It's a brand new app that will like, okay, so if, hold that right there, okay, there you go. It's a brand new app that if you, when am I doing this one? It's a brand, nine cameras in front of me. Hi.

I'm in camera. Stop that, just get away. I fucked up, I'm Kevin. Kevin is camera. Stop that. Just get away. I fucked up. I'm an idiot. I have vacation brain. It's a brand new app that has all its comedy podcasts.

Any, but here's the thing. You have your show, right? Yeah. But you're on my show. Yeah. So you're on my show today. When you go to my show, you show up. You show up on my show.

Then click on you. It will show every podcast you've been on. So I'll show up again. Yes. So I'll listen, let me finish. Sorry. Sorry. I know, there's more excitement. But it will show all the podcasts you've been on.

So now you can click on shows. What, I never heard of that show. Click on that show. And it will show you the podcasts you've been on. So now you can click on shows, what I never heard of that show, click on that show, and it will show you the guests on that show. It's just a never-ending spiral of amazing comedy, comics and podcasts that you don't know. You don't know, I don't know all the podcast you've been on, but if I click on your name, I'll see them. Wow.

That's a wild. And it's unbelievable, laughable. It's a free app on, I believe right now it's unbelievable, laughable. It's a free app. I believe right now it's just on iOS. It's coming to Android. I look at Deepa. Aruba. Yeah, Aruba brain.

Did you tell that guy to list me and Lauren on that app? I did not. Oh, I don't even know. I guess he wasn't to the show. They list, yeah, they wasn't to show. Who is this man? It is, if you, if you don't get that app, you are dumb. Get, if you like podcasting, I'm telling you,

go get laughable on your iPhone on Android soon. It is the number one. It's gonna be the number one podcasting app out there. Nothing's gonna touch it. Other people are gonna try to, you know, do it, but they're not gonna be able to, because it's already done. And it's just getting bigger. So make sure you check it out. Another thing we got, let's do a little good fan bad fan. Sure, let's do it. Shall we?

Hey, sugar. This time we all gather around and get down to hear from the good fans. I'm a premium member and I send pussy pics. And the not so good fans. I only listen when Yannis isn't there. Oh my god, we're urban. This motherfucker, D-o's getting good. Shout out to the one time we had black people here last week.

Yeah, I think something wrong. You say boom or boom. Boom. Okay. Let's say blah, blah, but I said boom. Blah, blah, blah. All right, what do we got? That was good, Deepo.

That was so good. I like that one. This is like love making music. Let's do this. What do we got? Our first good fan is by, is a four star review on iTunes by Ju Gonzo. He says great comedic variety and a riot to listen or watch.

Exactly. It really is. I know I can shit. Can I say something? I get shit because certain people, there's just a small group. I know, look at whatever it is, a couple hundred guys or a hundred, they want the same guys on every week. They want the same. I get it They want the same guys on every week. I love those guys and I did that for that's not my show anymore

I want to I love meeting new comics every week I love the show energy being different and it's it's been killing it this show has not have a we haven't had a flumper in fucking a long time. I mean, every show has been great. And every show has been a different comic. That's what the show is about. It's a comic hang. We're hanging out. We we did cut it down though. I know we have people that people who do still have eight people. No, we don't. We have three comics on every week. That's it. So go fuck your sister. Yeah. Or me.

Just kidding. But I'm just kidding. All right, let's go. Bad fan. Our first bad fan. It's going to be terrible. Yeah. It's in response to our episode with Mike Kaplan.

I think two weeks ago, we had that one. And it was by Ronald Morrison. He says, Yuck, another retard filled shit show. Ah. Exactly. All three things are wrong about that. It's not retarded. It wasn't filled.

We didn't have eight people here. And it wasn't a shit show, right? No, it was a great show. But what he's talking about is that he wants, I know what type of show he wants. He wants just me and the guys. Fucking nice head. Where'd you get the hat?

Nice day. Where'd you pussy? Fuck you, your mother, Bob Bob here's the band down I got it yeah I understand it I even the father of ball busing get sick of it no I know I don't shut your face I'll know why I speak I try and speak for you I love I uh deep is that's what a lot of I No, I I get it, but it's just you know look man. That's it. I God bless you

God bless you they're out there. So fucking go listen to it But thank you for your input you fucking twat Dad, why can't you have to say don't have what I want every week done fuck yourself God our second good friend says Hey, dude, I just want to let you know that a podcast episode from a year ago help me lose 50 pounds. Wow. That's great. I wish I was writing that I wish I was want to go to bed. Thank you It is great, and it's not the only one. I've got a bunch of emails of guys Yeah, cuz around a year ago we did a bunch of stuff about wait and I really got motivated and I'm the only one who didn't listen

I gotta lose weight I don't what I'm writing you know, oh, okay? I gotta lose weight. I don't what? I'm sweating you know. Oh, okay. But could you do it subtle? I mean, yeah, but you see me going, I have peripheral. Are you holding a white? I got so distracted.

Yeah, but suddenly, yeah, but subtly, slide it. Would you, would you learn subtle from the fucking, the joke I didn't come up with? Please? I, uh, I really, yeah, whatever. I love that though. Good for you, buddy. I'm so happy. Congratulations.

Congratulations. He says, give it a listen if you're struggling with carbs. Yeah. You have your listeners support. We love you. What's the episode again? The next episode name is Kalamare. Kalamare, which I love.

It's carbs sort of the thing that gets you, Bobby. Carbs is the thing I think gets me too. Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's tough. I'm entering my first fat. You what? I'm entering my first fat. Oh, really? You should get a little chubby.

I have, yeah, I just don't get too fat though. I'm gonna try him in. I've just been eating like a guy that works on a bigger. Oh, you stepped on your joke You really suck I saw I'm trying to get up I want to hear the joke so bad No, there wasn't a joke there. That was a good line though It was good line it was just coming out and she stepped on a twice guy. What do you want to hear it? I do I do I'm an I'm eating like a guy that works at a radio station. So you're the guy with a great payoff.

Thanks, dude. Just call it dude. You know what, dude? And I'm like, love stepping on my jokes, dude. All right, what do we get another bad? Let's do another bad one. Our second bad fan. Of course you have another bad one.

You never have another good one. We couldn't do three good ones. We could do 20 bad ones in a row. Goffin' bit any of you fans write good fan stuff. Can we have what's the address to write You never have another good one. We couldn't do three good ones. We could do 20 bad ones in a row. Go for it any fans, right? Good fan stuff. Can we have what's the address to write good fan-bad fan? I guess they can email ykwdproduceratryakast.com, but I never check it.

Well, can you can ask all. They can leave a comment. I check the iTunes reviews every week, and I check the YouTube comments every week, and it's literally killing me inside. Really? Little bit. Just only one that's like, even if there's like one bad comment, it fucking just works me. I don't know whatever that.

Because it's like everyone thinking they know like how audio works and like why it should be better. Okay, go ahead. I fucking hate everybody. I Vinny says on YouTube, flat brim bobby, remember duck bill bobby? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He says duck bill bobby a good colon Quinn smashing. Was that even me? It means a ball bus thing.

I would have respected that comment more if he was like, he needs a good shovel to the face if it was violent. I expected, I expected Vinny. I expected Vinny to be violent. You understand what I'm saying? Yeah. I didn't expect it to be. Hey, have your best friend beat the crap.

Yeah, have no verb, have your best friend verbally attack you in a funny way so we could all laugh. I would respect it more if it was, I would love Colin Quinn to literally use a paper cutter on your fucking knuckles would have been better than that. All right, well the guest's here. The guest's here. Hello. The guests are here. Hello.

The guests are here. And one of them has my mother's jacket on. Really? No, she has great taste. She really does. She's like, what's up guys? Hey, how's it going? Good to see you.

Good to see you too. Where's Kristi Gosh, you want to pay? All right, so let's announce everybody. We already started the show. We're good with bad fan. We do a thing every week where it's good fan bad. We read a good comment and then we back it up with a nice hot fuck you comment.

Great. And, you know, we don't want to just be phony and read all the good stuff which most shows do. You know, successful shows. Just like, oh good, good, good, good, good, good, good. We want to be self deprecating, keep ourselves, you know, not on the top 100 on iTunes, past that point. We want to be self-deprecating, keep ourselves, you know, not on the top 100 on iTunes. Pass that point.

We want to go in there and out real quick, you know. It's better than a nice big number. Yeah. What do you got? All right, so our first guest today is a comedian and primetime Emmy award winner for outstanding writing on the John Oliver program. Our last week tonight is Josh Gondelman.

Hello. Do you want an Emmy? I did. Oh my God, are you in the right place? This is Charlie Rhodes, right? Yes, thank you very much for coming on. No, I don't. I'm as surprised as you are still. That's great. Congratulations. Thank you. Have it. I do. Yeah. Where is it? I brought it. I always carried it in the back. What are you fucking palmicurio? You know, you did that for like a couple weeks. When he wanted to, he wanted to make it on the daily show.

He can't, he used to come down to the cellar with the Emmy. It's really funny. He used to care, that's fucking scary is what that is. It's very terrifying. It's really heavy too. I've been like, at that point. Yeah. I know I actually picked up Louis.

There was a party at Louis and my kid grabbed it off his shelf. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. I go, my kid's got your Emmy. He goes, ah, who cares? Yeah, you know, that's Louis. You go on him touch the wibbity. I'll win more, Emmy. Yeah, he does.

Yeah. He has five years old fucking rack of them. This could be the only one I ever get. Oh, come on. No children can touch it. He's God, damn, have some, I think you'll get another one. Thank you. All right Well, you do too That's fucking quick. Thank you. Well, is it the show?

Gold is it no no no no no no I'll never I'll never be near one. I don't look and we know What are you fucking a child? Is it pure gold? It's actually is it native chocolate chocolate on the inside gold on the outside? That'd be great if it was chocolate. Nobody ever checked and it really was chocolate on the inside just like one brave slightly radioactive materials Gradually killing you I mean Certainly working in comedy is gradually killing me Amplifying that effect by a tiny amount If it did control people just to be democratic.

Yeah, no, Trump. He's not my president. All right, who else we got here? We also have comedian writer, actor, practicing Buddhist, and host of the Dunkin' Trussell family. Yeah, we have Dunkin' Trussell here today. That's great, man. Welcome to the show, brother. Thanks for having me.

And now your East Coast, still. Yeah, I moved here. That's great man, welcome to the show brother. Thanks for having me. And now your East Coast, still. Yeah, I moved here. That's great, I mean, it's a for work or is it just... Just to do more stand up. But you're we're in LA, correct? I was in LA, yeah. Okay, but LA to me is exploding right now. Well, it is, yeah for sure, but there's three main clubs

and you got to drive to get to them. Right. So, and I was just working out the comedy store and the improv mostly, but I live in Pasadena. So, I just got sick of driving in traffic. And a lot of people were saying, like my friend Ari was saying moved to New York. There's, it's Ari? Yeah.

Ari Schaffer. Who is it? What's his name? Hey. Is that that Jewish thing? Yeah. Yeah. One of my favorite people in the police.

He's a wonderful evening. He's one of my best friends, but he, I called him up because he's the most honest person I know. And I asked if he thought I should move here where it'd be like, and he said, yeah, just calm. It's great to love it. He is, it's, he is such a, he's got life down. Yeah. I can't tell you, I'm glad I love my son.

I love my wife. I love my wife. Yeah. Okay. Cool. I really do. And I didn't mean that to rhyme. I love my wife. I love my life. Okay. I really do. And I, I didn't mean that to rhyme. I've said that. That was not an accident. But if I had met him before I had met, you know, God involved with my wife, if I have ever became friends with him, when I was single, I wouldn't, I'd just be fucking live living life like him. Oh, right. Oh, yeah. I would be would have taught you his lesson of like, you know,

what he where he is, by the way, right now, you know, where he is? I'll tell you something right now. I posted a picture of us on Instagram last Thursday for throwback Thursday. Yeah. That's like TBT, right? Because you know, I'm in my 40s and I have a child. I have to go to TBT. I'm in my 40s and I have a child. I have to go to TBT.

Oh, good. Good. Good. Good. Um, you gotta get in touch with the kids. Uh, but I put that up there. We went to Noma together in Denmark and he's, and it's him. It's all him.

I didn't even think about it. He made a reservation. He knew three months ahead of time we're going to Denmark. He just said, oh, yeah, Micka, it's been a show. Noma. And it's like throwing, we probably won't get in, but we might. And we went by and we're like, we're here and they got us in. Wow.

Wow. Me and him had the fucking best meal in my life, that clock soccer. Yeah. And with such insecure assholes, too, I was like, let's enjoy it. Let's not use our phones. Everybody else just take your photo. Let's use our minds and use dumbest move I've ever done. I can't remember one day, you can't hashtag TBT your mind. 20 is really good.

27 dishes, three hours. I don't remember a fucking dime of it. Wow. So anyways, I love this guy and I really, I think my, I really do because his, he, the way he lives his life and the way he thinks about things. I mean, he's like, I have to make this much money a year. Right.

And I can say no to whatever I want and I can go wherever I want, do whatever I want. And it's just a free, a freeing vibe around him. And he's seen so much. He I stated his place when I came here to look for a place. And so I was the last person to see him before he went to Myanmar. And so Ari, can you tell us where that is? It's like near Vietnam. Okay.

So yeah, so yeah, he just, it was the coolest thing that I've seen in a long time, which is I went to his place. He had this bag, the shoddly pack bag of like t-shirts and a few shorts. He took his phone, which already you know is like a flip phone. He doesn't want to be sucked into the internet. He took that phone through it in a drawer, took a bong hit, and was like, all right, man,

I'll see you in like a month or two. Gone. Gone off the grid. Ari is off the grid. Apparently he's coming back in April because I thought he was going to be back at least in a month and a half and then he didn't come back so I started getting nervous and I figured I'm the last person to see him so I got to like make sure he's okay. You know, so I like gotten touched with some of his people but yeah,

he's coming back. So he's gone for three months. The guy deposited his phone in a drawer in his place, took a bong hit and vanished off into the world. Did he take any chocolates or anything? No, I tried to. No, he didn't. I offered him something to take. I thought he could enjoy out there.

And he's like, no, because I'll execute you. I can't bring it. Because it's what? Yeah, I think with the part of the world, he's going to if he gets caught with drugs, they can they'll execute you or you've seen that. You've seen what's it called? You can get broke down palest. Yes, exactly. If that's the only clear day. Yeah, they'll execute you or you've seen that, you've seen what's it called. You can get broke down palest.

Yes, exactly. If that's the only clear day. Yeah, they'll get you. Oh god. Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about, dude, talk to me. You know, when you go to Saudi Arabia for a second, yeah, I went there last week with the kid.

Oh no. No, I was in Wisconsin. I'm going to fucking, I'm going to South by Southwest. That's my exotic life. What the fuck? And Saudi Arabia, if you caught with weed, they will execute you. That's really the death penalty.

I did it. What if you have a clit? Yeah. They don't like it. The lettuce slide if it's your first offense. So, if you get caught with weed in Saudi Arabia, you will die. If yeah, they, and actually some people are so paranoid

that they're afraid to eat like a poppy seed bagel or to have anything on them at all that can possibly be related to drugs because they're so strict over there with that. So there must be hard for all the juice, right? With no bagels. It's not your baby. I guess so, yeah.

Just that thriving Jewish community. That's huge over there. I think it's Ari and then he leaves and then it's nobody. So, so I didn't know, I didn't even thought of that. They don't, they don't, they don't really, do they have a drug problem, not at all, over there, right? And sorry, you're angry. I'm sorry, you're angry.

Well, they still, I mean, what is there, what is, because every country has their thing that they do, that they, sorry guys, I have to take a sip of my, I don't know if you see it blinking my water bottle. Put it into the water. Pfft. It reminds me of some kind of antidote.

And actually, no, this is my new, it's a hydrate, sparks, that's cool. It lights up and reminds me to drink water. Great. Sorry, so it was going off. I've got more shit for this bottle. you don't drink water. We all explode What is this thing I thought this would be a hit apparently Cool you like it. Yeah, oh shit my phone just dropped that's gone for the show

I'm off the grid Go on the entire show I'm gonna that's as far as I can to me a man. So, so what is their thing over there besides, you know? Well, apparently me and Mars is a very important cog in the international drug trafficking network. So they sell it, they just don't do it. Yeah, I don't, I, I'm really not familiar with drug laws in Myanmar, but I know when I offer I really did. I really just put you on the spot. Yeah.

Farne Cunn, correspondent, Duncan trustless here. Duncan, can I call you a dunk? Yeah. Is that what they called you the basketball board? Yes. Dunk. Yeah, I'm sorry. I put you really good. All I know is when I offered him drugs when he left, he wouldn't take them and I've never seen Ari say never to drug. So I assumed he was aware of whatever their drug laws are over there and I scared him enough that he wouldn't risk traveling.

I was at Bonnery with him and of course I've been sober for 30 years. I don't do any of that shit. I remember he goes, yo man, it was after the show. He's shirtless of course. And he goes, we're going to the crowd, we're doing mushrooms going on the crowd. I go, really, it was after the shows. He's shirtless, of course. And he goes, we're going in the crowd with doing mushrooms, going in the crowd. I go, really, let me see the mushrooms.

He literally holds, it looks like a salad bag. Yeah. Like one of those family packs. Oh my god. It goes right here. It's like this fucking big. I was like, what the fuck? Yeah.

And then he, him and Jay, Big Jay just did mushrooms and walked into a hundred thousand people. Oh, that's my nightmare. Oh, it is a nightmare. I tell. And have an anxiety attack. Do you guys know each other? Everybody know each other?

No, yeah, we just shook his hands. That's it. Yeah, he just meant so good to welcome to New York. Thanks a lot. It's great to meet you. Yeah, where are you staying at his place now? No, we found a place where I'm broke. Who's we?

I'm me, my girlfriend. Oh, you can't wait to grow up. Yes. Yeah. Oh, that's great. So I mean, look, you couldn't just pick up and go to Malamar. Malamar makes me. Malamar is very liberal marijuana policy. I'm very hungry. And that's my favorite coach. Malamar. What is it? Me and Mar. Me and Mar. Sorry. I love Malaman. The gentle and Malaman mar with its candy streams. It's sure. First of all, it's a cookie. Marshmallow. And then chocolate. It's all delicious. And the king is made of gingerbread. I mean, can you believe it? Who doesn't like a Malaman?

I don't trust you. I have a cold. I keep him in the fridge. I keep him in the freezer. Go fuck yourself. I trump them cold. I keep them in the fridge. I keep them in the freezer. Go fuck yourself. I'll trump your fridge. So you couldn't just take them off either. I could take off. You could just say I'm out. I'm going with Ari for three months. I could, yeah, I could do that.

I don't have a kid. I mean, it would be tough because we'd have to get a house sitter for the dogs, I guess, but we can uproot pretty easily. No, but you would have to take her too. Oh cool. That's my thing. You can't just go by yourself. Right. You can't just be like, I'm can uproot pretty easily. No, but you would have to take her too. Oh cool. That's my thing. You can't just go by yourself.

Right. You can't just be like, I'm going to hang with Ari. You're absolutely right. You have to be like, Hey, honey, you want to come? And yeah, and that's, I mean, not that that sucks. I'm sure you love your girl. I love my wife, but I can't, like, I go to offer to Ruba, right?

I go to Ruba once here and there's a gig there by myself. Like she couldn't go. And she was like, you're gonna go to a room once here and there's a gig there by myself like she couldn't go and she was like You're gonna go to a room by yourself. Yeah, I'm like, yeah No, man, the thing you're talking if I did by myself. I would fuck everything. I literally be fucking turtles Be fucking every local woman. Oh every flat back local woman I'll be fucking every local woman. All every flat back local woman I saw. I'll kick yourself. We fucking everybody.

The lady, the fucking bodega. The one who sells a stupid Rubahat. Fuck the lady at the airport that hands me the bag from the Marriott. I'd fuck everybody. Go ahead. You can't. You can't.

No, no, you can't go by yourself. Do you consider yourself trapped? I do consider myself trapped. I'm absolutely trapped. But I chose to be trapped. I thoroughly thought the situation out before I made the decision to be trapped. So I don't have a hard time with it as much as I would've

if I got trapped, unintentionally. I'd be a little more fucked up, but I really chose to, I fucking love my wife. I look at me and I fucking want a bite of face every time I see her. Do I wish we fucked way more? Do I wish she would lick my ass once in a while. You know what I mean? Maybe milk me. Honestly, it seems like a kind of empty life to just be fucking flat-backed women and Malamar.

It feels like it says you. I mean, at first it'd be great, but then over time there would be this sense of like probably a feeling of profound emptiness compared to having a family and having like an actual community. That's the question. That is an important question. I know people that don't have wives that don't have kids and they're very happy. Right.

It seems. You know, it sounds the way you say it though, I think the word trapped has such a negative, you know, that's not a great, I don great, I'm not in a relationship and that does not make it sound like something I want. What, to be trapped? To be trapped. That sounds awful. When you say it, trapped. You did put a little extra inflection on her. It's like a lobster living in a nice wooden house, girl.

But I love being single and not having. I love it. I don't think I'd pick up and go. There's a difference between. There's a difference between being single and not having somebody and actually just going into the world. Literally jumping into the darkness. Yeah. And just be it all right with it.

Because he. Why? Because. Pulling his shippel. But like why? Why? I think he's fishing. I think he's.

I think he's gone on a fishing trip for jokes because he has this show called the what is it? This isn't happening? Oh, yeah, yeah, so by for Ari to go to Myanmar for three months is to guarantee some Catastasia unless he gets caught with drugs and the show will not be happening. Yeah Have you ever do you have somebody are you with? Yeah, I'm gonna get I'm getting married in about two months Now now you understand what you're doing right? I mean gonna get I'm getting married in about two months. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna be crazy. Now, now you understand what you're doing, right? Yes. I was I was thoroughly briefed.

I, yes, I'm I really I love my fiance very much. Yeah, and I'm I never felt like I benefited a lot from being single. See, okay, that is a great, that's great because you, that's what I mean is that like when I was single, I abused myself. I, I didn't, I didn't, when I'm with my wife or now as a dad, it forces me to become a better person. It forces me to, because if I don't, this family structure is going to fail and it's going

to be my fault, my half is gonna crumble. So I have to, you have to get up in the morning. You have to change his fucking diapers. You have to drive him to school, you have to be there to pick him up. There has to be food. I have to go work because I have to pay these things you do, but it also gives you pride that you're doing it and the time you do spend together where you're not

busting your ass is enjoyed more. I don't know if that makes sense, but. Yeah, that, I'm sorry, my girlfriend's uncle, who like has this business in like Mexico, and over the way, he said there's a Mexican saying, which is a baby comes with a sandwich under its arm. I always thought that's the coolest thing like when you have a kid It brings this like gift with it, which is It's really cool. Yeah with this focus speaking my language sandwiches. I get it Back me he says sandwiches you fucking all over Versus saver

versus savory kind of that. It gets down to something that I want now. I don't know. But I think it's different though for a guy comic to have a kid, right? Then a girl comic to have a kid, because you're gonna be taken out for a couple minutes, right? Unless you get a nanny. I mean, you're gonna have to get, you're gonna look differently on stage. I mean, we don't look any different on stage.

We don't do it. We just go up, my wife's pregnant with sausage. Yeah, I'm putting it on wife's pregnant with the whole thing. Yeah. I said, the whole thing is the same. Oh. You have a new accent. Oh, yeah.

No, that's what I do on stage. That's me. You never saw me on stage. My specials on Netflix. God, what you gonna do now? Yeah. Now, you'll get it. It is a little different. I mean if you got pregnant. Yeah, that would be good Would that stop your career maybe cuz you maybe at the clinic so fast. Oh you kill it. Yeah, oh my god

Look, I think fast is the way to go I would look I think fast is the way to go You know what dilly down Baby go fast It's three years. Oh, there's nobody that'll do it for you. Yeah, you don't want to wait till the hands for You know, you know, you know, you don't wait till it actually be it can be print prepped prints at the police station Those little those little brown those little black raisins to have whiten them. You don't want that part Jesus Christ. Yeah, I mean so I'm getting married now Yeah, you can do it. It's a very dark. Now. Where did you guys meet? We met at a party that she was throwing a mutual friend brought me. Now, in the business or not?

No. Oh, good for close. She's in publishing. So she like gets it. She works it with books. Yeah, so highly intelligent. Really smart. Reads everything.

She's great. And she gets like the idea of like going out at night and doing things as a work activity, which I've been in relationships or that's a harder sell. Oh yeah. Or you're like, this is my job. And she's like, but what about dinner?

Yeah, no, what about five o'clock? Yeah, what do you, Dick Van Dyke relax? Thank God my wife is old school where you can hit her and she'll just stop talking. Cool. Okay. Baa, ba, ba, ba, ba. No, she is old school, she really understands.

She'll let me go do whatever I want. But when somebody gives you the responsibility of doing whatever you want, you don't. You make the, you kinda, I'm not gonna go out tonight, or I have to do this, but I don't have to do that. When someone fights you on it, you almost make sure you go fuck off, I'm going,

at least for me. Right, well, why would you wanna stay with the person who's yelling at you? Right? Don't go out. You're like, I've got to go now. Well, that's, it's a weird thing though, because people, you know, when you're in this business,

you do have to go out every night. And people, why do you have to do comedy every night? Yeah, because I have the opportunity to do. Most guys don't, most, you know, most people don't have the opportunity to get on every fucking night. And I do, and I have to do it because coming up with jokes is like mining for gold. And you're coming up with an hour, I'm gonna do it, and then I have to come.

It's ridiculous, so you don't get it. I have to work all day long. We're literally, from the second we wake up to the second we go bed, there's something there, maybe, that might go into an act that we could get monetary value from. And they don't get that sometimes. My wife does that. God, but you're... My fiancee does as well.

Yeah, she's great. And I'm getting better because I have a writing job during the day. I'm still at most nights, but it's like if she says, hey, my friends coming into town next Tuesday, can you come to dinner with us? I'll go, yeah, I can do that. That's like what a reasonable thing to ask for. Right, yeah. Now what, no, come to dinner with us? I'll go, yeah, I can do that. That's like, what a reasonable thing to ask for. Right. Yeah. Now what, now you're writing where again? Now, John Oliver, John, I like that guy so much. He's great. Dude, I'll tell you why he's great.

Number one is show's great. It's on once a week, which is awesome, right? You know, these ones, a fucking night things, I think are very hard to do. I miss John Stuart tremendously. He's wonderful. He comes on the fucking cool bear show. I'm like, just take the seat. I know. He's coming. Just come back.

Stop fucking with us. And I was at a diner and John Hullve was there. Me and Lenny Marcus. And Lenny goes, this John Oliver, I go relax. He's like, call me. I go, you relax. The fuck is he going to do? You're scaring me. Like, what?

Did he hurt a comic one set of diner? You know, I was like, what the fuck? You know, is this accent and beat somebody? No. And he walked on his AK doing Robert and I didn't see it. No, Lenny. Maybe so happy. Maybe so happy. But it was a sweet guy. Super nice.

You know? Really funny, super hard working. Great. Now, how did you get this gig? Just like, I was applying for all the shows and I had a better chance of this one, because they were, I applied to right there when they were staffing for the first time. Right.

So I started doing the, I started out there, I got hired to do the digital stuff. So it was like the social media and then videos for the web. And then after one season, I moved over to our right for the show. So that's great. Yeah, thanks. So this is season four, and I've been there the whole time.

Which is really nice. Yeah. Now writing, believe it not, and the writer's union, believe it or not. I really, I don't know what to use I know the I know the T.O.O. and the T.W. but I don't know the T.O.O. is the tough one That is the tough one great it really is a tough one. I wish we could just move it to a T.O. or an apostrophe T.O. apostrophe just a T.W.

Why why I really bugs me I finally in my forties got the or an apostrophe, or just a TW. Why? Why? I really bugs me. I finally, in my 40s, got the theirs down. Yeah, through being smashed on Twitter, I finally got ownership of it. I mean, people love to tee off the hair. The hairs are the hardest. Yeah, but the TOO is a motherfucker. It's, I mean, can you explain it? Explain it, explain it too much O's, too many O's.

No, but what is T O O? What is that? Tell us what the twos are for. Tell us the twos as a writer. Here's your writer, T O O is like, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two I mean the fact that you can't print it out like Prince didn't just write the number two

We should he changed the game and we should have respected that we should have done that too We could do that if we're gonna write the word one just let me put the number one you got it In the letter you yeah, I mean we don't use cursive anymore. Let's start a new fucking easier language It's called I call it the Twitter language. It's the Twitter Twitter. Yeah, the Twitter alphabet. Uh, yeah. I'm with it. All right now. T.O. T.O. I'm going to the store. He gave that to me to the direction. Oh T.O.O. That's like an excessive amount too much pasta. I ate too much pasta and I felt sick. Give me another one. That's all the twos. Oh my gosh.

I love it. Wait, what about me too? Yes, it is. That's the same. Also, so, yep, T-O-O is also. Why is that me too? Because it's not too much. Nope, you're right.

It's an additional amount, let's say, because there's an extra O. So me too? Yeah, T-O-O. T-O-O. So, say, thank you, Duncan. Sure. Great example. For fucking stepping in there, maybe somebody else should be on the show writing. Maybe we can hook him up. I want to free you from your connection to the idea that you have to know grammar to be a writer. And if you look at some of the great writers,

yes, they completely discard that bullshit. And they just do it the way that they want. They write in the way they think that will make the most beautiful sentences according to their own rules, which is the same thing really great comics do too. It's like there's comedians who follow some weird comedic grammar that they've observed and then there's comedians who are just doing some other thing completely. And those are the mind blowers, you know, those are the ones that completely melt your brain because whatever this thing is they're doing, you think, oh, this is what it should be,

but it doesn't look like anything I ever saw before. And the other thing that you were talking about, you know, language evolves. So when you're talking about a new Twitter language, that's real. Like that's language will shift into something based on whatever new rules are being used by the most people. I think language, I think we're going to,

it's going to be condensed somehow, because I mean, we're at 140 characters, most people are communicating with each other right now, and they're using emojis. I mean, emojis were silly little kid things, but now on a watch, on, you know, I mean, it saves me time. Absolutely. If my wife is like, I love you, I just put a heart

and a smiley face back. And that's, but she knows what the fuck I'm talking about. And I'm not doing it to be silly anymore. I'm doing it because it's the most convenient way for me to do it. I'm sure letters used to be emojis. I'm sure there's a time when someone was like drawing some shit in the mud to indicate snake It was and someone was grunting like you're an idiot. No one fucking fast that shit That's how language forms it was high-stakes picture

That's not the With with five That's not the sn... With five... Yeah. S-S-S-S-S is a really big snag. Well, you know, I had to... It's fucked up though, because people have... Even when you write with people, they have grammar and spelling on such a...

Because look, it is, when you're schooling, it's what you learn, you have to know it. I mean, look, your wife is in the book business, it's huge, and me and Burr and Dorosa wrote a book, we had to give it to somebody, and the corrections were mind boggling. And here's why they're mind boggling. I had somebody, I paid somebody to take all my chapters

and correct them, okay? And I'm such a moron, they were still wrong. Like I fooled somebody, like they still didn't catch all my fuck-ups. And then the editor was like, and I saw, I was like, yeah, but I paid somebody like a hundred bucks to do this So I can give it to you and you'd be like, well, you're great You are fucking dumb, you're double dumb

So Hey, but wait wait wait So I think you're right though. I think there's like in a lot of places people are really like Pretentious about grammar and spelling stuff where it's like, I don't know man Maybe we just went to different schools. Yeah, that's fine But it's the it's it's like, I don't know man, maybe we just went to different schools. And that's fine. But it's the lazy aggression. It's like someone has learned some basic structure. And from that, they feel like they can lash you

because you're not adhering to this ridiculous structure. But behind it is like, if I correct somebody, usually I'm not like, for example, someone's getting on the wrong train or something. I'm like, no, it's up the street. I don don't go like what are you what are you doing? It's up the street With grammar. It's like come on. It's you. It's a potter for you. What's wrong with you? It's there Stupid dumb fuck dumb fat fuck yeah That was me in my head

That's what I say to myself. Especially with comedy. Sometimes you write something and they give you an edit back and you go, no, you took the joke out of it. Oh yeah. You just wanted to make it a sentence. Right. Yes. Well, that's weird. You know, I was just writing somebody, something

with somebody, and I had to say, look, man, I'm sorry about the Grammy and Speller. That's just it. Luckily, the person I was writing with was, look, I have a hard time too. Stuff, but you kind of, you can find ways to disguise it a little better. Right. Because I didn't even find it. I the person I was writing with was looking, I have a hard time too. Stuff, but you kind of, you can find ways to disguise it a little better. Right.

And there's, there's, there's, there's, grammar see is out there, which is an app if you're a dummy. It's for your Mac and your phone, I believe, or your, which you, I'll write all my chunks of stuff, the action or whatever in that. And it corrects it, but not only the word, it will correct the grammar and the sensing, sensing thing. Send it. I can't even say the fucking word.

That's awesome. So we'll say you might wanna try, you said this word 17 times. You might wanna try, a maculate in another way. And it gives you, yeah, I just can't fucking any of it. But you gives you, yeah, I'm just a fucking idiot. But you're right, man.

You're right the way you're right. Yeah. It was weird. Well, me and Daryl Sramber wrote that book. You could see Burs thing in his writing. You could see these rants in the writing. You're reading them like, what the fuck? He did this whole rant about fucking older,

the greatest generation. And it was just like, you're reading it. did this whole rant about fucking older, you know, the greatest generation. And it was just like, you're reading it like you could hear Burr saying, and Theroux saying, you know, I like that. You can hear him, you know, doing his shit. So, um, yeah, it's just, it's, it's, um, I wonder what language is going to, because we don't do cursive. They don't teach kids cursive anymore. Yeah. In school, which is crazy to me. That was like a big part of my childhood, learning how to make those that lie. Me too.

I was so glad. That was hell. You know, like it? Oh, doing cursive? I loved it. I hated it. That was a night. I remember that's one of the first times I realized that I was fucked for a long time,

when they're like, they're forcing you to hold the pencil in a certain way, and like you're Yeah, I still remember like oh my god PTSD like we just like BB BB How fast you have to be the fucking see that joke? Great as joke ever oh my god that was fast and shit that was fat. Gee you're a fucking you are a sniper my I'm sorry interrupt. No, it's funny because I caught that joke like right like 10 seconds after you said that was fast. My brain's like, oh, oh, that's good. I'm fucking dumb and that thing hit me over the head like a bell.

I'm the opposite Duncan. I remember my grandfather used to hold the pencil and he would teach me how to write. And this was actually when I was a little older because I was a fucking butthead as a kid. And I remember one night I was going out on a date. This is after I got sober and went to rehab and stuff. And I was staying with them a little bit. And I was going on a day. I was going and fucking, you know, get head in the car somewhere, right? And that was my dates back then. Just made me a chick from an A meeting and I had a parking lot, something like that. I'll see you later. So, around me, I tell you. Yeah, I'll see you in the 12 steps. So, I was heading out and he goes, my grandfather was awesome and I love him for this and that type of guy which is somehow become corny, I think, in our lifetime.

But I still love is he was like, where are you going? I was like, I got to go meet this girl. I was like, tell me with this for a second. I'm love is he was like, where you going? I was like, I gotta go meet this girl. I was like, tell me with this for a second. I'm like, all right, what do you need? He was, how do you spell hypodermic? And I'm like, huh? And I was like, I don't know, H, I, and he's like,

all right, well, let's get the dictionary here. So we go to the dictionary and he's like, hypodermic, hypodermic. And it's from this and it's not. And we're going all this way. And all of a sudden, he's like hyperd here it is hyperdermic Hyperderm and it's from this and it's not and we're going over this and all of a sudden he's like And they saw another word and he's and we start going over that word And I was saying we're circling these words were going through all this stuff and I look up. It's 11 Wow, and he goes that I'm going to bed It's like I spent two and a half hours almost three hours with my grandfather and I remember he was teaching me

I like holding the pencil It's like you want to hold it light. And then you know, you want to and he had such beautiful, you know, Catholic handwriting, you know, from just getting smashed from a nun. And he was so, and it was like one of the greatest nights of my life, you know, hanging out learning about a word, all these words, one word went into the other word and where it came from and all the shit and I mean it was too late for me because I was a teenager and I've already fucking, you know I'm already banging chicks and I was about to start doing comedy, but I just remember that night and

I that's gonna be dead. I mean that's gotta die because computers are gonna do all the work for you That's right. You're not gonna know how to, I think it's in one way it's good that you say, yeah, you just write, but they're out, they correct it. Everything's gonna be done for you. There's no more cursive. You type on a computer. It will turn it into cursive.

It will turn it into the calligraphy. Whatever the fuck you want it to be. I always say, click of a button. Command A, fucking, all, boom, and it's done. I mean, where is it going? This is one of the, I think this is one of the great questions is like with technology is coming in. I just got this thing called an Ableton push to, which is for making music. I know nothing about making music. But with this machine, I can, I can really make songs that aren't, I'm not saying they're great,

but they're pretty fucking good. Knowing nothing, knowing nothing. And so what, oh, I've seen that. Those are awesome. It's amazing, it's like, it's magic. It's like it fell off of a spaceship. You just sit in front of it. Can you have a video of it?

I can't wait to see what's out there. Oh yeah, check this thing. It's insane, but all the time that you might spend learning about beats or reading music or how musical notation or all that stuff, you're going to learn a little bit of that, but you don't need any of that anymore. You can just go right into it. So anything you get from the discipline of learning something, you kind of miss out on

that and go right into the creation of the stuff. So is that good or bad? I don't know. It's so high. miss out on that and go right into the creation of the stuff. So was that good or bad? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, it's crazy that you can, like even like on my phone, I can take, I can take like somebody's head and put it on her body within two seconds on an app. Yeah.

And then do all this crazy shit. When back of the day, it took somebody a lot of schooling, graphic design, typography. And you made it even before that. You had to learn how to paint in like a hot Italian attic. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's great.

Guys, when they used to see stuff on cars or trucks, was a hand, that was an art form, where they would hand paint this sign or these things on., that was an art form. Yes. Where they would hand paint this sign or these things on, and that's dead. That's, they had to draw every Calvin peeing by hand. Let me see this thing. Yeah, this is cool. And you could see the things designed for psychedelics. You get high and play with this thing, it's fucking. Oh my god.

That's so fun man. We're gonna turn that off because when I hear that music I want to dance. It's uncontrolled with, isn't it? It's a fire that burns in me. I want to rip my shirt off and then I want my hands over my head. And I want to fuck it, dude. That's like Reggie Watts. Yes, that's exactly what Reggie, Reggie Watts. Yes, that's exactly what Reggie, he doesn't use that,

but it's the same ID, he does loops and like lots of facts to it. Right. It's really just, I mean, I have no reason, I do a podcast and so I use it for sound buds and little stupid songs in the podcast, but I have no real reason for it outside of just enjoying doing it.

It's just fun to do. But what about when the ability to do what it does with beats? What happens when you could do that with your jokes? What happens if you have some joke premise and can run it through some AI, they can like analyze that and come up with the exact best punchline? That's so scary. That'll never happen. It'll happen. I think that's gonna happen. Well, I'll tell you what, if you look at, I was talking about this, I don't know if this is real or not. best punchline. That's so scary. That'll never happen. It'll happen. I think that's good.

I'll tell you what, if you look at, I was talking about this, I don't know if this is real or not, I think it is. But back when I was coming up, there was no comedy on TV. There was no, it was, it wasn't out there. So comics were funny people that learned how to do comedy from being on stage. But now comics are learning how to be comics from watching it on every fucking media out there. I mean, they're watching TV as kids. It's almost like musicians. You can see music everywhere and you can, you know, it's like you're watching comedy so much comedy. You're seeing how it's done, and you can just go become a standup now,

and do comedy because it's so available. That's right. I think, you know what I mean? Some people, I mean, there's so much comedy now, there's so many people out there doing it, so many clubs, maybe that's why the boom happened. I don't know why, but right now we're in a fucking crazy comedy boom.

That's right. And it hasn't died, and it should have died a couple of years ago, but it's not. It's getting bigger. Maybe like comedy stuff will be like fashion trends. You know how fashion like it'll go back in time. Like bell bottoms will become popular again. Like maybe at a certain point, especially in comedy or in techno or whatever, if it's like, if it's at its peak, it'll be considered cool to go back to like the old style of writing. Yeah. What the fucking pussy. Yeah. But like literally.

Maybe, yeah, maybe. That happens sometimes. I find it crazy. Well, you can see the comics learn how to do comedy from TV. You can see the young guys are tout. Yeah, well, everything that's insane. You can see the way like I meant when I was coming up but trees should go up and just do a Patrice Burr would go up and be burr. I'd go up and just be you kind of were you up there and

Trying to write jokes and but you were kind of what you had as you yes first now Guys are going up there and if you close your eyes, the next guy could be the next guy could be the next guy. But there's no longevity in that. Do you know what I mean? No, but I don't know. I listen. Another thing that people have when they came in, it was like, oh, there was always somebody who, like the famous guy always got emulated by the new guys. Right. And it was like, you're being that guy. Yes, that's what they, I think those are the ones that they saw and became a tell. But then they went off and became themselves off of that.

So I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I think you can, I don't think, you know, I'm not saying that we're raising a bunch of shit comics that, you know, but I think I'm having a comic that's not funny off stage. Yes. All the time. Is that the most annoying thing in the fuck your world

when you're just hanging out and you're like, hey, what's up? Hey. Why do you, who told you you should do this? I, I, I, nobody I watched it on TV. Yeah. Yeah. I watched 50, 50 hours of Comedy Central a week and I just emulated what they did. And I'm the Abelson comedian. I know. Yeah. That's it. Well, it's gonna get, you know, they're, they're gonna And I just emulated what they did and I'm the Ableton comedian That's it. Well, it's gonna get you know They're gonna start doing comedy and VR. You know they're already asked. He's fast I didn't even know the name of it. It's Ableton right? I fucked it up. Ableton. You said Ableton be able to whatever But they're gonna start doing it in VR. That's the that's gonna be the next venue for I've done live podcast and VR you have yes

I have yeah, I've done live pod I've done two live podcast and VR in front of a virtual audience this one was so fucking surreal what's that it's like yeah, it sounds A lot creepier than it actually is but when you're when you're sitting in front of like actually is, but when you're sitting in front of like avatars in a room filled with avatars, looking out at them, doing a show. Doug, wait a second. So there's people, not people, but dolls, dummies, avatars, what do you mean we say avatars? So when someone goes into virtual reality, they pick an avatar that they want to be in that space.

Okay. And so depending on what the app is that you're using, you have different access to avatars. Okay. The one I used, all space, pretty limited access. But you know, you've got floating per-peller head things in the audience. You've got like just a variety of weird robot creatures. And instead of, and you realize really quickly how comedy is such a, is so much based on like your connection with the audience through sound.

You know, it's not. So it's like you can hear their silence. You can hear their lack of attention if you're bombing. You can, and they're applause or... The effecture, I mean, the sound of the microphone, the monitors, affects your timing. That's right. And how loud you are. That's right.

So the audience in VR, they don't, they can't clap because they're all over the world and they can't applaud because there's the, the mics have different latency. So it's going to come through here. So they emote. So if they like what you're saying, suddenly the room fills with like hearts and like happy faces. All that fascinating. So, so it's really interesting because with it's stand up the there's like two basic metrics of how your set's going three I guess no sound yeah laughter yeah or applause applause being the ultimate But even there's different types of applause I guess the patterns are casting I'd add one more for my shows go fuck yourself I want my money back This fucking guys not funny

I with ding cuck. I don't believe you, man. I don't think that happens in your shows anymore, but everybody you should go through that face. So it's interesting because the way that the audience can communicate to you becomes like a billion times more nuanced, because now you can see frowny faces, perplexed faces, happy faces. So it opens up this deeper level of connection with the audience, which is fascinating. And I think you're gonna see, as VR becomes more advanced,

you are going to see like actual paid stand-up shows. Well, they're actually getting it in football and basketball games and baseball games where you'll be able to pick, okay, I'm gonna stay gonna have a VR camera at the 50 yard line. So instead of going to the Super Bowl and you can just buy a ticket at your house,

put your VR glasses on and be at the Super Bowl at the 50 yard line. Wow. And just look around and the people are there, right? Yeah. The game is there and you're at the fucking game. Oh, and VR porn. I've done it. What'd you think? I was in a bar after the show and it was probably around, I don't know, 15 people there. I was gyrating. Like it not even I was started gyra I didn't. Oh my god. I love you so much. Just the love you Bobby. New show on the right. Guess network.

Talked to funny with Chris and challenge check it out. And uh, what's the other show we have? Kathy. Kathy strictly anonymous. Um, I was gyriding. I was fucking, but I was literally pumping. When was the last time you jerked off and pumped? And you're like literally pumped. I don't even think I could give a first time. Oh, I've done it. You know, I pumped into your hand.

Oh, sure. Joe, I was like, oh my God. And she was looking, so she's looking at me when you look down my cock with the guys cock My cock I called it It was so fucking amazing what a great helmet just a great helmet That is cool to look down so you've got a six pack. I got a six pack. I had the V dick ab I could see my dick It was beautiful. it was two colors. Two tones.

Two tones, not fucking nine tones, like my fucking monkey asshole dick. And then, like, scoshes. It was so amazing, and I remember she was looking, she came right into your face. And she's like, baby, baby, please, please. And she's like, baby, baby, please play. And I was like, okay, baby, I started talking to her. I couldn't help it.

That's so embarrassing. It was embarrassing, but it's not. I couldn't help it. I was like, okay, baby. Like I was talking to her. And this is like at the bar after the show. Yeah, it was just the waitresses and other comics in the way.

But I was like, okay, baby. She's like, you please put it, I'm like, I'm gonna baby, you want that? I had to go take these off, take these the fuck off. Cause I'm gonna fuck right now. I'm gonna fuck. VR porn, who is it, Bailey J, friend of mine, and on the network, right, cast network.

Her husband, Matt, and her husband, Matt, she's a female porn star. Her husband directs and shoots all her films. If there's ever a dick in it, it's usually his cock, right? And it's weird, it's a really thin guy. Just a little tiny thin nerdy guy, but he has this fucking huge Cuban dick. It's like, I think he's just a brown dick.

He's like, but he's white as anybody. He's like, Joe list white. But he has this fucking brown Cuban cock. I don't get it. Because I was like, who's dick is that? It's mine, I'm like, dude, that's you. Are you fucking, what are you? Like, what are you?

But he's doing VR porn now. And it's a really big curve you have to learn. It's not just put a camera. Because you have the guy or the girl or whatever, you have to shoot it a certain way. And then you have to edit together. It has to go to this weird editing process when you put the film together, right?

Deepo. Yeah, I've actually tried to make VR Podcasting out of our footage really and it's it was hard to pull off like it just ended up looking like super warped and like Troll around so but yeah, it is hard to pull up I've seen images of where they shoot VR porn and it look it looks insane like the cameras they're using or so It's like a like hundreds of GoPro's, right? Yeah, but you can do it with three cameras, I believe. Oh, really? Two cameras.

You have to buy a certain camera right from Best Buy. They're not even that expensive, and you have to shoot it a certain way, and then edit it together, put it together a certain way, and editing, and it will shoot, but I mean, could you imagine this? I mean, you can fuck, you'll be able to go in for a session You could pay a thousand dollars. You're a married guy. You want a fucking tranny, but you don't want anybody to know

And you can go in and do a VR shooting for 50,000 dollars with your favorite, you know, like some chic who can't be fucking You know she-mails and go in and look down and see your leg, see your dick, see your gut, fucking that person anytime you want. You can go into that room, put your goggles on and fucka, just sucka fat cock. Well fuck whoever you want. Or whatever you want. Whatever. The son, black hole, anything. Thank you for saving me. I'm starting to get out of that. It was just me sun, black hole, and the moon, and the foggy thing? Thank you for saving me. I'm starting to get out of that. It was just me being, you know, fucking just wanting dick.

I thought somebody was gonna step in at some point. You guys, yeah. You can suck a black hole's dick. You can finally experience that. But movies, imagine, I mean, are we gonna be able to step into movies? Are we gonna be able to be in the fucking movie? When you go to the theater,

if you put, is that gonna happen? Is that, could that be? What are you looking at, T-Poo for all these episodes? Yeah, this is T-Poo's gonna happen. T-Poo tells me it's just gonna happen. I go down the line, I go depo. I'm not gonna you, because you're a writer. You're not into the text, nothing.

I go, yeah. Duncan, listen, I mean, I don't know. They're probably designing a movie around. But are we ever gonna leave our houses when you can stay home and really fuck something? Like the porn is, you're there. VR porn is crazy, you're fucking, whatever you want, you can just fuck.

And in the privacy on home, it's gonna be amazing. Now we add the robot to that yeah or at a you know real whatever you want to that yeah it's crazy yeah that's it that's the dystopian future and and also it's not it's not gonna it's just be movies and sports and fucking they're gonna be able to theoretically of course it's all theorized that Google dystopian view they're gonna be able to they're gonna you're gonna be able to take yeah with you yes the answer is it will be

it's a time machine it's a time machine so theoretically the whole thing about to set up and now no I'm scared it's good just to be in yeah I think that it's it's a time machine I'm sorry, okay, I kind of set you up. No, no, I'm serious, good. Just Tupian. Just Tupian. Yeah, I think that it's a time machine basically.

And you're gonna be able to take data and some advanced computer is gonna be able to kind of weave that together. And you're gonna actually be able to put on VR goggles, throw on some GPS coordinates in a time. And it's gonna gather all the camera data from that time and put you in that space, and then animate whatever in that space based on what the computer identifies the thing as.

And so now you have some kind of rudimentary digital time machine where you can... This is the smartest conversation I've ever had. Yeah, I know. Well, I mean, you know, I'm in the gadgets. Of course, you can tell by my water bottle. Okay. I want one of those. That's cool. I mean, where you know, I'm in the gadgets of course you can tell by my water bottle I want one of those. That's cool. Do you want one hydrate with an eye spark?

You can you know who's yeah, you can order them off line they're great, but we are right there We are fucking right there. I'm on I'm on YouTube the other day. I love the YouTube spirals with tech the guy. I mean has a hoverboard I mean over the water. Can you put I mean it's not connected to a jet ski Yeah, it's not using water as a it's a fucking guy on a hoverboard doing 92 miles an hour over the water Yeah, and it look at this fucking shit pull that up watch this you want to talk we're right fucking there Look at this fucking shit. Pull that up. Watch this. You wanna talk, we're right fucking there. Look at this shit. It's for the 109 that I control with my finger. It's good technology. Yeah.

I'm feeling to distress. It's a pure prototype. It's just working since about four, five weeks. I have a thousand weeks. What happened? It's fast over. four five weeks I have a thousand weeks. That's over. That's fucking real. That's we have that right now. You're also gyrating dirty.

But imagine walking out of your house, stepping on that shit to go to your show. And just landing on the roof of the comedy club and coming down. Just fucking shh. Fucking bang. And then going home and fucking whoever you want. Literally, you can fuck. Christy, if you were like, look, say you have a boyfriend, I'm married.

And I'm like, I want to fuck you. And you're like, I don't like to fuck you too. And you can just be like, here's my VR chip. And chip and here's mine and we go to a room and fuck but not Fuck but I'm fucking you in a room. That's so crazy But it's not is that cheating is that my cheating? No, you're like master beating while you do it? Yeah Yeah, that's how fun juice comes out. Oh, I I can't yeah, it's not like it's not demolition man

We have three C shells and which I still don't get by the way Three C shells have you get remember that yes, I fucking annoys me the three C shells in a demolition man Still fucking aggravates my life. You don't even know what that is because you attend what it's called. I don't know what that is. I think it's crazy. And you're right.

I mean, what is, when you can stay home and go to a comedy club? Well, no, from a business perspective for comics, it's great because instead of having to go on the road, theoretically, you can go in front of it. It's gone. What? Money's gone.

No, actually, I don't think so because imagine theoretically, if like the technology gets to the point the road theoretically you can go in front of it. Money's gone. What? Money's gone. No, actually, I don't think so, because imagine theoretically if like the technology gets to the point where it looks like a real show. You could sell tickets in a colosseum for people all over the planet. So now you could do like a 3,000 cedar, sell tickets for two dollars, go into your VR chamber in your room, do an hour of stand-up you've made $6,000 Bitcoin untraceable dollars. You know what I mean?

Like, so in that way, it actually, I think, becomes pretty profitable. That's wild. I could be a shitty draw from the comfort of my own home. 3,000 seats are there, six virtual people. What else? You can duplicate them though. You can duplicate them. What a camera chance.

It's like the audience had met and it's all the same six people over and over again. What else? You can duplicate them though, you can duplicate them. What a camera can. So that. It's like the audience had maddened. It's all the same six people over and over again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, but, but you maybe, maybe, right, maybe that you could, because if you could go

and get a room, like what, a 300 seat room somewhere and go to your room, sell that room out and then sell it. Another two on the seat room, a 300 seat room and Australia, a 300 seat room somewhere and go to your room, sell that room out and then sell it. Another 200 seat room, a 300 seat room, an Australia, a 300 seat room in UK. All of, just say Thursday night, I'm coming to all your place. So go to your room, plug in, pay your five bucks. I'm gonna be all over the world. And you're gonna be in a theater watching me do stand

up my new hour. So your new hour, people could watch almost live in a VR room. That's it. Where you're doing it, but that's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah, that makes me want to do drugs. That makes me, that makes me want to hang out with you and our in Malamar. Before you comment, I and Aryan Malamar. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Before you comment, I meant to say Malamar. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. No, you just said it again, Dad, he's fucking dumb. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Your mother's can't. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Yeah, fucking crazy. My phone goes off all the day now. I was fucking, Trump and, my phone never, my phone, CNN never went off of my phone when Obama was president. 900 fucking million times a minute.

My phone is, I'm gonna take the alerts off. Fuck me. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy. It's happening so fast. That's right. I mean, I'm on the plane right now. My watch has just going off with, I can, you know, play my music off my watch.

I have these headphones though, these, I mean, these wireless headphones that a water, I go on a shower with them. I mean, this is the future. I'm literally, I come, I go on the shower, I put these braggie dash on, I put them in, go on the shower, listen to how it's dash on I put them in go to the shower Listen how it's turned get out dry off blah blah walk to the club listen into a podcast Then I can boom put my jokes on I take them on I put them in the case it charges a one month stage I go back I mean it's fucking nuts. Oh the case charges them the case fucking charges

That's cool man, so it's five, I never have to worry. And then I plug the dumb case in, and it's crazy, but this is here. Like this is here, this is real. I mean, there's four gigabytes of hard drive in there. I can not even need my phone. It's all touch. It's fucking nuts.

It's nuts. Yeah. I love it. My dick gets, I love to. Do you like technology? Yeah. I mean it. My dick gets, I love to, do you like technology? Yeah, I mean, that's like really intriguing to me. Like that kind of, I like a good headphone. And I, that's awesome.

Are you an audio file? Are you like, do you need to hear the fucking guy on the piccolo and the background? I don't have good taste in anything. What are you talking about? Like, I'll take, what a fucking great thing to say about yourself. It's just like, I have these Bose headphones there. I like them a lot, and now it's hard for me to go back,

but before that, I would have listened like on a C-shell. I would have been like, oh cool, sprux team. Don't be C-shell. Just one, fucking bring that up again. Sorry, I'm a bit... What? But someone gave you those Bose, did you bother? Yeah, they're a gift.

A gift from... From... Gosh, swag. What? But someone gave you those bows. Did you buy that? Yeah, they're a gift. A gift from, from, Gosh, swag. This one, I got it, the first pair I got was from when we premiered, because I worked for HBO, they gave them to me the premiere, the social and digital team. And then these came from bows actually sent them to me,

because they saw some picture and Facebook of me wearing the other ones. And they were like, Oh, you like headphones? I have bare headphones, which is cool. See, these like headphones? Have pair of headphones. Which is great. See, these cock suckers, Braggie Dash go fuck yourself. All right, he's even behind the camera. I was on the show for two years, I fucking...

Sorry, that's... I'm sorry, you know what? Bring it down. I'm happy for you. Thank you. I'm very happy that fuck but Bose made me buy two pairs of headphones. Because you said the new fucking headphones weren't coming out.

These wireless ones that you can plug in are the only ones we're gonna have. And then you came out a month and a half later with the new ones, the ones that I fucking wanted, and they weren't there. And you came out now, I gotta fucking buy those. You motherfuckers, but that's good. When did they send those to you?

You know what I'm saying? But like before I had those, I would have listened like if you're like, oh, the only way you can hear your music is if like a homeless guy on the train screams it, you'd be like, yeah, that's probably what I deserve. That's the same, that's like how I am with almost everything. So what I want to know, you say you have no taste in anything, that's interesting to me. Do you have, what about food, what's your favorite food? Man, I like just like a pizza or burrito.

Oh my God, you really don't? I like good food, but I don't, like I'm not one of those people that can't eat garbage. Like I'll just, I'll still eat garbage. Really? What now, do you live, where are you from originally?

From just outside Boston. Oh. Yeah. That's great. What part? Stonum. Dude, the fucking shittiest zoo on planet. The shittiest zoo. It's so bad.

The polar bear died. And now there's no reason to go there. There's a city is so bad. The polar bear died and now there's no reason to go there. There's a polar bear in Massachusetts. I know it's just like, there was a polar bear in stone. It's Tony and mask. Cause I grew up in Medford. Oh shit. Okay.

And the fucking thing, it died. Yeah. Okay. It's the worst. No, it's just a shit too. The kids is growing fucking battle caps. Yeah, that's bad. So I grew up in a town with a polar bear,

which sounds fancier than it is. Right by the reservoir. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Un-fucking believable. Now how excited were you about the Patriots? It was great. I mean, we watched you on the day. I went to watch with my parents.

You did? In stone them. Yeah. And was your dad, did your dad, was he pissed off halfway through? We were all, it was like a funeral. Right. We were all very sad. Right. My grandma. Well, this is like, this is the towniest shit. What nationality. You just Russian Jew. Russian Jew. Yeah. We my grandmother, you're not supposed to get cremated if we do. She's

against tradition. She got a note from our rabbi that said she could be cremated. And when they sent, they sent her to be cremated she there was she was in a Brady jersey. That's like the fucking town. Yes, Ben. Yeah, I used to grandma. I swear to God. Yeah, she she got sick and like your grandmother wanted to have sex with Tom Brady. I probably is a very handsome man. He's very very much so much. He's very much so. He's so much so. He told me I didn't have to be correct with grammar. That's all right. So fuck off.

They say that I don't have to say what I want when I want to. And want to is a word. So it's just, no, it's just like I feel like a family connection to the team. It's weird to a game. It is weird how, how, I guess is that way. Where are you from? LA.

North Carolina. North Carolina. So you, you just got a is that way? Where are you from? LA? North Carolina. North Carolina. So you just got a team in the last 15 years, right? Yeah, but I don't fall sports at all. A little bit. I mean, I'm not like, ah, sports, what the fuck? I get it. Like when I just watched the Super Bowl,

I was blown away by the whole thing. Like it was insane to watch, so I'm not, but I just haven't like gotten caught up in it. But you know, that's so weird to think there's somebody who has to write permission letters so we can get cremated. It's very bizarre. That's a strange thing.

And she had an in with the rabbi, which is why you know, it was like family friend. She had to pull strings. She had to pull strings. She gave a hand job for rabbi. It wasn't. That is fucking ridiculous. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Look, all right, will you make sure that it's gonna happen, right? Jewish cemetery is like the hottest club in Sharon Massachusetts. Which is from Sharon? No, but I think that's where the cemetery is. Well, that's funny, because the first vagina I ever put my pepe in was a Jewish girl from Sharon Massachusetts.

A very Jewish town. It is weird that she had to. It had to be buried in the Jewish cemetery, which you, I mean, people talk about the strings attached to that with tattoos and stuff, which is like a little mythic. But yeah, it's really wild. Like that level of permission required. And orthodox men sued a hospital because they accidentally cremated his amputated leg.

What way you want them to do with it? Yeah, what do you expect? I guess throw it out. Put in a aquarium. Yeah. Put in some kind of alcohol. You can lack it. You can put it in a hot rod as the shifter in the middle. Yeah. This is real.

How is he going to drive standards with one leg? It's real Jew. This is a real Jew leg. This is authentic how's he gonna drive standards with one leg It's real Jew this is a real Jew leg This is authentic Jew bone That's not iratious listen I Came up wrong. That's from my web series Hitler's Mazza Roddy I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I really had no hope for that. I appreciate it. I am the football thing you say you're not in the sports and I don't I don't when I was coming up, I had that whole man, you know, you got to know this and who they trade it and who's the new guy and what are seasons looking like? And you know, who you know, what's his name on their base has fucking 13 obi's and fucking 13 obi's and fucking Fucking stat people right stat guys and they and they always question you I know remember that especially being from Boston because Boston is such a sports town that when I when I go Someone do who do you like I'm a red sucks fan, but oh yeah, who's the who's the third baseman? You guys who's that guy? You picked up this year and I'm like, I don't listen cock fuck.

All right, I'm trying not to fuck things and stuff my fat face every day and be a good dad and a husband. All right, and do a podcast and do shows and write shit and learn how to fuck and which to to use. I don't have time to fuck, you know, and you're not a fan, you're not a fucking go fuck yourself. See, that's the same version of the fucking Grimarian. It's a sport. It's the same exact person with a different thing they're using to inflict

their aggression on you. It's very weird. I don't get it. It's like, you know, but I, I, I gotta be honest, I was that guy too coming up, you know, like, who fuck and patch and red socks and I hated Yankee fans. I'm a one-time Louis had a Yankees hat on and I went what do you want a Yankees hat and he goes yeah, I need a hat I go yeah, but you're from Boston he goes I don't care and I was like oh Yeah, you know, you know who gives a shit hats up for heads I did that but I feel it like I have that like kind of like provincial pride in it where I went to see a game.

I'm fucking bald as shit. And I went to see a game at city field and I like wouldn't buy a Mets hat. I needed a hat. I didn't have a hat when I went and I wouldn't buy a Mets hat because 1986. I look, I wouldn't buy hat either. Yeah. Because I don't, I'm not gonna wear a Metzac cause the logo sticks.

What happened in 1986? Oh my God, listen, you don't even, so here's a thing though. It doesn't even know. No, no, no. There's a form of a lit, I admit that this is like being kind of a literate and I, it doesn't.

No problem. It's not cool. I wish I knew. No, listen, but I don't hate you for not knowing. Around 15, 20 years ago, I'd be like, well you were a full Canadian. Listen, I couldn't have 15 or 20 years ago, I'd be like, will you a full Canadian? Listen, I couldn't have 15 or 20 years ago because I probably wouldn't have known you back then,

but listen, if we did know each other back then, I would have probably been like, the fucking, I'm not like that anymore. It all ended with the Patriots, by the way. I stopped being that guy. I still love the Red Sox. I'm not gonna wear Yankees hat ever for some reason, but if my kid does, I don't give a fuck. 1986, the Red Sox, you understand Boston was a shit town for sports. We had the Celtics

that won half the championships, okay. Half of them. So 16 championships we had, okay, out of out of 30, whatever. So that was the only team we had. The Patriots fucking sucked a cock. They just sucked. The Red Sox hadn't won. And they had just gotten destroyed in the Super Bowl. That's terrible. Okay. Terrible. Okay, we almost went, right? We almost won.

No, they went to the Super Bowl. We just get the George Lone by the Bears. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We got fucking annihilated. That was the Bears, the Bears, you know, they had a song. That's how good the team was. They had a song. The Bears song. Super Bowl. Super Bowl. The the worst song ever but it was a number one hit that this will show you

what country people like that football team they're like what else can they do like they can almost to suble shuffle the suble shuffle running to say three times people just tell me like you really want to read the head build bucket everything oh we'll bring up that after but yeah, this is the Super Bowl shuffle Stop one second look at the fucking gorgeous Brian Gumball with no fucking turkey neck I like sports. I don't like music anymore. I think I'd rather watch ISIS execution videos. Now this is great. That was a fucking hit.

Yeah. And if they had to win the subull they made that video Wow, I think the patch made one to squeeze the fish. Oh, Squish the fish. Yeah, yeah, it was a sad time, but you understand we were I was in rehab in a 86 by the way when this happened I was literally around three months sober and this is the only hope I had in life Wow, my family was up in New York I was in Boston and and over North North adabar actually in a rehab trying to get sober. What was the name of the rehab? Uh, the road back. Okay. It was an all boys place. Um, and we're sitting there watching the game.

And it was like, this is the only thing we had. This is our hope. And then I remember we were winning. Mm-hmm. And Bill Buckner. Um, this happened. Who's Bill Buckner? Exactly. Bill Buckner, um, this happened. Who's Bill Buckner? Exactly. Bill Buckner. No, he actually met him later. I did a curbion thruziasm with him in it. And I played a fucking Red Sox fan.

And he was in it and he's sweetest guy ever. But this heat, the ball, watch this. a little roller along first. Behind the back. Yeah. Oh, man. This was game six. So went to game seven and they lost, but that was. I do. Yeah, it's real bad. That's game six.

It went to game seven and lost. If we went to game seven, now, if we won that game, if we won that game, that would have been a series. We go, we go to World Series, right? That's winning the World Series. That's winning the World Series. Okay. So this is for the first time since the 1818. Yeah. Went to, listen, I'm in rehab.

I almost went back out. I almost went out. You're talking about, I think it was 20 addicts in a room watching this. And we were about to win. And it was a grounded to first a grounded to first and Now that happened and we

The fucking frustration they just misdirected anger all rage from our shot like everything from just fathers Abusive and fucking dittling From just fathers abusive fuck and fucking dittling molestation Fucking all this shit when At Bill Buckner there's poor fucking guy a whole state of Miss guided fucking vengeance when at this poor guy for playing for playing a game Fucking game that's crazy. Years, years, years. Poor guy. Oh my god, dude, you don't even know.

And he's still a little shocked from it. He's still like what the fuck? People still give him shit. I did that at the, when the Giants beat the Pats in that one game, I quit sports like that. I quit being emotionally connected to it because life hurts enough. Yeah. It really does. I'm I have to fight depression. I have to fight

anger issues. I have to fight all this fucked up shit all the time. I go to therapy. I talk to friends. I'm always trying to be the best me that I can be. And it's really hard to do that in life for me, right? And I can't fucking watch. I can't put my eggs in a basket all year long. And then at the end, have them go fuck you and somebody else wins. It happens too much anyway. Yeah.

So I don't I still love the games. I list I still have watch it. I think if you can enjoy it without taking in the bad parts, that's the hard. It is hard. My father, if you fucking move in a chair and they get a touchdown, you have to stay where you are. Wow. Do you know, do you know Kyle Ploof?

I do. I think it was Ploof. Texted me because we were texting after the game. He said, what are the worst fucking snapchats I've ever followed? I follow it now like a bad smell. Literally just to see what shit snapchat he has. He texted me. He was like, I think it was him. He said, I left the room during when they scored the first touchdown and I stayed out of the room for the rest of the game. It's like, that's real. It's so, but it's so, it's voodoo.

It is. People say like they can't understand why these, these, you know, like a paca-lipto type of people were cutting people's heads off and draining people's bloods and, and doing all this fucked up shit, like all these rituals, it's the same shit. They thought that if they did this, you know, the sun would stay up an extra day

Or the rivers would be clean or whatever the fuck it was all fish would appear. Well, you know the with the Super Bowl I'm sorry. You're gonna say something. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Super Bowl. You know, a lot of people right now, it's a really popular idea that we're living in a computer simulation that this whole thing is a computer simulation. It's not just crazy talk. There's like some math behind it to back up. Well, why would this be a computer simulation? Just some like the the the know why wouldn't be Duncan because they wouldn't put this podcast in it. But they would if it were malfunctioning.

If the simulation is fucking up, a lot of people, that's what they're saying. Like if it's like, if some cat hair got in it. Oh, this was supposed to be fresh air with Terry Gratz. That's right. I'm cat hair. They're saying the thing's glitching up and that the super bowl, the shit that you have to fix.

How you hear the thing? I'm in the glitch, I'm in I'm not going to be part of the glitch, but when you look at what happened in the Super Bowl, I can't remember where I read this. I think it was actually the New York Times, maybe the New York Times wrote this whole interesting essay about it, but the Super Bowl, if you look at what happened in the Super Bowl, it's as though two people were playing a video game And they switched controllers at the end So the one that was better at the game suddenly took over the other team and then won So you're witnessing like a game without watching the players behind it and yeah, there it is That's I think that's the article on it and that's not it. There was one in the New Yorker

I think that happened after the Oscars to right too. That's the flared up again. Yeah. So, wait a minute. You're saying, and I've heard about this, that we're basically a computer program? Yeah, the theory is that, okay, so because we have, you can kind of predict where computers are going, and we probably will be able to simulate reality in almost, we might be able to simulate might being the operative term.

We might be able to simulate reality in a way that's indistinguishable from this reality. Based on Moore's law, based on the acceleration of technology, 20 years, 40 years, I don't know, we might be able to create a simulation that is completely identical to this or impossible to tell the difference between the two. Maybe let's say it's 100 years.

Let's say it's a thousand years. The point is it is a possibility and it's a pretty good possibility that that's going to happen unless climate change, nuclear war, the usual comm, a meteor impact. So since that's a possibility that we're going to do it, the odds that we're the first people to do it, that we're the first species to simulate reality are less than the odds that it's already been done. And if it's already been done, then the odds are that we're inside that simulation. So that simulation theory. So our voice is just a glitch. She was supposed to have a regular voice,

but they are you are you a Christian? Are you religious? So you know in the in the book of Genesis, if you look in the book of Genesis, it's why I was so scared to answer that? I like Satan, man. Yeah, us too. Being Satan-room. Show me tattoo. But if you look in the book of Genesis, it's really fascinating because I, you know, clearly a myth, I'm not saying it's real, but these two, the Adam and Eve are told by the creator, the programmer, that they can not to eat of these two trees.

One of them is the knowledge of good and evil. The other is the tree of life. So you're looking at a programmer trying to keep its creation from becoming too sentient out of fear of the power that it's gonna have. And this is the exact same shit that people like Elon Musk are saying right now, which is we can't let AI become as intelligent as we are.

And if you read in the book of Genesis, there's actually a verse that says, if they eat of the tree of life, they will become like us. Which is like, first of all, crazy because they're using the plural, like who the fuck is us? And you go like, I wanna do weed! That one animals! I'm in! I want to do weed! That one animals!

I'm in! I'm fucking in dude! Let's go find Auri right now! Fuck my wife! Fuck your girl! You in! Fuck all of her! Fuck your new show on Rarkas!

Talking funny with you. It's a very good. Jesus Christ! It's a trippy man. Yeah, it's really curious. You ever just talk about farts? Yeah! I just talk about farts. I just talk about farts. it's really it's really you ever just talk about farts

Unfuckin believable I mean it's it is It's so weird when you when you go down that hole, my brain starts fucking to turn it in. That's true, I love that feeling. That's a cool feeling though, right? It's that feeling of like, what the fuck? And it is a voodoo feeling, and it is a feeling of like shit. If it is a simulation, is it possible then that every single one of us

is experiencing their own subjective reality? And possibly our decisions are literally warping time and space in a way that it's affecting the outcome of the Super Bowl. What the hell? Yeah, who knows? That sitting in the other room actually made a difference. If there was one shared reality, there was a shared reality, no. But if we're each experiencing our own individual universes and we are,

as far as you know, you're the only person who knows that you're aware, you don't know, I could be just some projection of you. I hope not, I really like you. I like you, dude. I hope you're not. I hope that you're aware, you don't know, I could be just some projection of you. I hope not, I really like you. I like you, dude. I hope you're not, I hope that you can. I hope that you, I really, I hope that you can, I hope that you can. You got the fuck, I hope you're not that.

I like all you guys, this is a great show. I don't want you to be something I created in my brain, but it's gonna go away someday. Terrible, right? It's terrible to think that, but it could be. You ever just, now, when I meditate, I shut my eyes and I let whatever visions happen and I try to trail them.

I try to just go, when I say visions, I mean, when you shut your eyes, you see there's something there. It's not just darkness. There's this, whatever Christian. He just didn't. I want to do it. You can see there's something there. And if you just go with that image and follow it as far as you can, a lot of times I fall off and I come back to the back of my eyes or whatever it is. And but if I follow it as far as you can. A lot of times I fall off and I come back to the back of my eyes or whatever it is. But if I follow it, all of a sudden, I'm somewhere else in another, and I get, it's not going down that thing. This is another place. This is somewhere else that I could go to.

But I know it's weird, but I'm like, oh my God. And now my brain isn't thinking about my world. I'm thinking about this world. And my breathing's different. And my thought patterns different. And I start to almost smile sometimes because I'm somewhere else in the back of my eyes. That's fucking crazy. And I don't do any drugs.

I don't do anything. I've eaten a lot of cookies where I was almost on drugs. I don't think you need drugs for that kind of stuff. I think that's a pretty terrible mistake people make is to think that you have to have psychoactive. Well, a lot of people say that though. A lot of people say you have, you know, doing these drugs and doing this, it brings you to where you can't go as a regular person. I don't think that's fair to say, because your brain is filled with drugs already.

It's filled with every, a lot of drugs that you take trigger a reaction that causes your brain to release things that are already there. It's the drug just tells your brain to do something. So I don't know. I mean, I love psychedelics. It's one of my favorite things on earth.

What is, explain to me, because I know what a psychedelic is, just the name of it, I know it's a drug, but what, what are psychedelics. It's one of my favorite things on earth. What is, explain to me, because I know what a psychedelic is, just the name of it, I know it's a drug, but what, what are psychedelics? Well, it's a family of drugs that, so is opposed to like, a mama, papa, and a baby baby? Yeah, well, this, yeah, exactly.

Like, so it's like a, Are there all cousins like in Virginia? That's a great question, it's interesting. Well, you've got like, you have like stimulants, you've got barbituates, you have uppersants, you've got barbituates, uppers, downers, and then you have this class of drugs, which includes LSD, mushroom, psilocybin,

dimethyltriptoman, and a lot of other great substances that produce these sort of profound mystical shifts and consciousness that are usually quite beneficial to a person. And also, what happens on the other end? What does the other part of that? Well, I have a friend who works at, he's a psychiatrist, he works at,

what used to be called freak out tents, they don't call him that anymore, but, It's good, and I asked him, I wonder why? I asked him to tell me the worst freak out he's ever seen. And the story he told me was that someone came in with his friend who had accidentally taken the equivalent of like 30 hits of LSD. And he was trying to rip his teeth out of his head with his fingers.

He's like trying to pull his front teeth out. And then he starts throwing himself into the ground to try to break his teeth out of his head. So that's an example of where it goes really, really bad. That does not sound fun. Well, that's what happens when you overdose and when you're not responsible, I mean, it's, you know. Okay, so you're responsible. You can take, there's a certain amount you should take.

How do you find that out? Well, well, again, like you would have to do your due diligence. A lot of people don't, I don't think they respect these substances. I think, oh, we're gonna fucking trip out. Well, well, again, like you would have to do your due diligence. A lot of people don't, I don't think they respect these substances. I think, oh, we're gonna fucking trip out. Like, and when I was a kid, that's what I used to do. I get some acid, wouldn't ask the dosage per hit, wouldn't care, would hope it was very strong, take it, go to the shopping mall, stare at escalators. That was how I would like to drink it. Sounds like a fucking, sounds like a great punk band.

I'm staring at escalators. Nothing, nothing like great, nothing, there's nothing great about it. But so that kind of way of taking drugs is a prior result of the war on drugs because kids don't know the right way to take drugs. And usually when you're taking drugs, you're taking them at the same age and tribal societies where kids are going through like initiations that involve psychedelics. So there seems to be some pattern there where you're like, you're taking them, but you think it's a criminal, you know, criminal acts, you're acting like a criminal.

So if you're going to take a psychedelic, now you, you might want to take it with like, take three days off from work, make sure you don't have anything to do the next day, do a vacation around it. So you're chilled out, drive somewhere, rest that night. The next day take the psychedelic and the next day relax. Have you ever taken a psychedelic? No, I'm not a lot of fun. That doesn't mean you're not. Additionally, I'm not a lot of.

Would you ever do it? It's something it's not, I've never ruled it out totally, but it's like not, I have like a lot of anxiety over control of my own body. So it's like, the kind of thing you're talking about, like I grew up with that attitude of like, you don't know what this is, and like you don't know. So it's, but that's where, that's where I am psychologically.

I just have like a hard time going like, oh, this is gonna be good. Right. Yeah, that's where I am psychologically. I just have like a hard time going like, oh, this is gonna be good. Right. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, so I would think that if you took second out because you'd do a lot of crying. I'd probably would.

Because I'm not like a deep feeler of sadness most of the time and I feel like it would break me open up. It would break you open up. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, but it's also like, well, there's, I don't steer towards it in my sober, you know, not, but like, not altered state. So it's like, I don't, I think that's the reason that I've afraid because I think a lot of rage would come out of me.

You know, I wouldn't want, I don't know if, because I might be a cro- I mean, they're gonna be a real fucking like, Because I might be a cro- I'm either gonna be a real fucking like Fucking Or I'm gonna be like mmm fucking cock fucking yeah, oh fuck cock I have bad OCD. It's better now, but my whole life. I've had really bad OCD Really? So that ritual stuff you're talking about before I think I'd be way too I don't I don't drink. I don't do anything. I've never seen your OCD. What do you do? I'll do like repetitions. I'll touch things a certain amount of times. I'm always counting

Everything has to be like even numbers. It's particular thing not everything But there's very particular things that I'll do like if I'm checking and make sure a door is locked Right off the turn it three times to the left three three of the right, two, two, one. Those give great hand jobs. I walked right in line. I walked right in line. 5, 6, 7, 8. But no, but yeah.

But no, but yeah. No, but yes. But I like, yeah, I think I like drawing. Have they figured out how to use these drugs to help people? Yeah, maps. If you look at maps as a organization, I think I'm like a map. I know.

Look at maps, man. That's my Apple map, son. It's on every map, man, every city, man. That's all you gotta do. It's fine to map, brother. And they will lead you to God. No, it's a hard to you would be. And that role you would be fantastic.

It's maps as the multidisciplinary association for psychedelic studies. And there the people who are about to get MDMA legal because they're using it to treat PTSD. Now MD, MD, MDMA is... Is ecstasy. Okay. And it works to treat PTSD.

The FDA, they're in like, I think the third phase of the trial, which is a big deal. It means they're getting like really positive results. And so these guys have worked out a way to take MDMA that isn't the way people usually do it, which is it's like proceeded by three months of therapy. And then you take the substance, they know exactly the right dosage that works best with PTSD. You're not going to be fucking

the guy. I love you. And fuck you. Oh, you're going to be like that. But on either side, you're going to have two psych, the clinic clinical psychologists who are sitting there with you. So when the, when the OCD comes, when the rage comes, when the base drops. When the base drops. Yeah, that's it. That is so funny. God, you're fucking fast. I'll be you so fast. You are the gunslinger, man.

Oh, my God. You are not a sniper. You are the gunslinger man You are not a sniper you are a gunslinger No, but I want to hear the rest of the I'm sorry. I keep interrupting I love it man. This is a comedy podcast This isn't fucking tough a car We can interrupt the jokes But when the base drops they they're there to be with you so that you can like, all that shit you guys are talking about,

the reasons you're saying are reasons to not take psychedelics, I would say that is the reason to take a psychedelic, but to take it in the right way and to make sure you take it. If you're a sober person, you gotta make sure that you're not gonna relapse. If there's like a 2% chance you're gonna relapse, you can't do it.

You just can't do it. You did too much work. You've gotten to a place where you're sober. Don't fuck up. Well, that's where I kinda get bummed out because a lot of people I know, I go to therapy, I go to a program, I have friends that I use as program, but I know a lot of people that use drugs,

just take these fucking happy pills. Yeah. And they're in their cool. And I don't get to take them. And I'm like, fuck, I wish I could take a pill. So I don't have to worry about my temper. I don't, I could just be that. But I, you know, my therapist is like, that when you're done taking them, all your shit's still going to be there. So you're done taking them, all your shit's still gonna be there. So you're gonna have to take the shit forever and just mask your problems or we just deal with it now.

But I'm like, yeah, but is that dealing with it forever? Am I always gonna be in therapy? Am I always gonna be fucking angry? Am I, or I just wish they would make a pill that would fix, I don't just untangle shit. You know what, and make you can be like,

hey, how you guys doing? Should we get all just be, I can make great connection that show business and be famous already. Instead of my fucking shitty reputation I have, I'm a fucking temperamental fatso. That's so weird, man. Do we really want him on the show for seven years? I heard he's a temperamental fatso. I've never heard of a temperamental fatso. That's so weird, man. We really want him on the show for seven years.

I heard he's a temperamental fatso. I never heard of a temperamental comedian, man. That's fucking odd. The real thing. Oh my god, dude, it happens aw, oh shit. Also, again, very rude of them to say fatso. That was ridiculous. That was ridiculous.

Yeah, very rude. That was ridiculous. Yeah. You know, I've heard this saying, in Buddhism they say anger is hot fear. It's so like fear, when you heat up fear, it turns into anger and when you cool down anger, it turns into fear. So, if you're an angry person, usually like in Buddhism they would say you're scared of something.

I'm scared, I'm absolutely. I say that I believe that 100% anger is, I think it actually, it's hurt feelings. I think it's pain. Yeah. And I had that joke in my act, my therapist said, you know, I fight with my girls, fighting with her around five years ago a lot.

We were fucking like screaming and yelling and me screaming. She's very passive aggressive. She'll take it and then all of a sudden just go, it's just a sandwich. Oh, yeah, in public and everybody's like, why is this that so yelling about a sandwich? But it's not about a fucking sandwich. Or anyways, I would yell and he would say he said, um, next time you get a fight, just say you hurt my feelings. And I was like, go fuck yourself. That's stupid. He goes, that's all it is. You just, she's hurting you,

the respect or whatever you're afraid. And that's, it is, that exactly what it is. But it's hard to get rid of that. But some people take a pill and it goes, byey, you know, which is great. And I, I, you know, whatever that fucking does to people's heads, you know, by-polar, all these people. I mean, you know, I'm an addict, I'm recovering addict. I can't just take a pill to just make everything go away. I have to fix it. I have to go to meetings. I have to deal with it.

And I know there's a lot of people out there like that. My way problems fucking crazy. I heard they're coming up with a pill for diabetes. So if you have diabetes too, I guess, they'll be a pill, you take it, you don't have it. That's crazy. You know fat people are gonna get? You know fat, if I didn't...

Oh shit, yeah, I see your saying. Fat people are gonna be if you can just have diabetes and eat anything, you know what I mean? You're not gonna lose feet, you're just gonna be a fat fuck. No diabetes, just chowing away. The one thing that's keeping me from pushing four bills is losing the foot and getting full blown diabetes. Fuck, man.

Yeah, it's gonna be crazy. That'd be great if they had a pill where you just, we could just fucking regulate. Just be the way. Like a discipline pill. I did, like it would literally discipline your body spirit and mind. Yeah. Where it could set your tone.

Like a, you know, and you don't eat overeat. Wait, you know about fecal implants, right? I am not eating shit. I am not putting shit in the other side. I think I'm, you know about fecal implants, right? I am not eating shit. I am not putting shit. It goes on the other side, I think. I mean, what is a fecal implant? What is a fecal implant? What is a fecal implant?

What is a fecal implant? You know about that. Oh, I've never heard of it. What is it? It's my favorite kind of porn. No, it cures everything, man. Just watch it once. Trust me, it's like looking in the arc of the covenant

to see a man eat a shit pill. What the fuck? No, fecal, but it's a lot of people say a lot of our behavior is like our gut biome is like it's like so a lot of people who are like overweight they think it's like a lack of discipline when it's like you've got these colonies of gut bacteria who are communicating with your brain and giving you the impression of free will and you eat more than you should. When really you're just being controlled by these colonies

of microscopic beings that live inside your stomach. So when you get a fecal implant, it's like parachuting in a missionary who comes in and transforms your gut biome into a healthier biome. Well, it's a fecal transplant I think fecal transplant I gotta place my asshole. Yeah, well, you gotta take some shit in your head go ahead Yeah, it takes someone else's poop and put it in your body. That's it. Oh wait a socket dude

Do a dude dude dude dude. What are you doing Tuesday? You don't want my poop man Can I please have your shit? Yeah Like I just want to help. Can we sit, can we sit, asshole, asshole? And can you shit in my asshole? I think. Oh my god.

That is, that's the GOP replacement for Obamacare, I think. I don't have the money of this. My insurance is just over. I can't afford high quality shit right now. I have a chair. I'm gonna call a hole. I'm gonna sit on a new chair You sit on top you have the comfortable spot. Thank you. I just need you to shit in my ass And let me film it for VR

Listen we got a wrap this fucker up. Oh my god. This is a very very enlightening Let's go around the room and of course you. Yeah, listen to Talking Funny With Christy. It's a brand new show on our network. I'm very happy and very proud of it. You've been working really hard on it. It's a great show. You have a bunch in the can already.

Yeah, they're going to be coming out every Wednesday now. Every Wednesday. I know. look at me talking like a podcast Yeah, I'm really excited. It's really fun. I tell everybody what type of show it is It's a show with me Christy and I sit down with my favorite comics We talk about like everything comedy and life and everything but that's pretty much how how long is it like an hour? Yeah, we have I don't think we've actually know the long is it like an hour yeah we have I don't think we've actually know the first episode was like an hour and like 10 I think but it ran an hour every day and it's a great great episode it's fun great

show great comics on it right so it's really fun listen and subscribe follow us on social media yes at tfwc. What else you got? I like it. I do not love her. I do. You too. I mean, you're very lovable too, my friend. Totally.

All right. Yes, I have a show with Mateo Lane at Union Hall March 28th Battle of the Divas. The guy, I mean, it's really, really fun. We have to share his am mod and Bob the drag queen on It'll be a lot of fun. Mateo's body is made from God. Oh, it's beautiful his It's the the fucking definition between his side and his ass beautiful thing. I don't even understand it I know it's he's a real badonka don't I don't even get it. You know, he's a real badonka-donka. I don't even get it.

Like, if I had that ass, I'd be bisexual. I would let everybody use it. I would just let everybody, I would let, look at it. Look at that. He's a big starby. Yeah, that's a big, ugh. I never saw it.

I never saw it. Oh my god. Look at him. Go scroll down a little bit. I never want to play a Mario game ever again. Stop. Go back up. Go back right there.

I love. I love. They're both. I love them both. I love. I love. I love Stubby. They're both. I love them both. I love Stubby's ass is funny. You little fucking bush that's. All right. What do you got, man? I've got a podcast called The Dunk of Trustle Family Hour and it's at Dunk of Trustle.com.

Awesome. Awesome. And that's it? Yeah. I mean, I'm doing stand-up here. I've got a show coming up at the Bell House, a live podcast, March 21st, with this guy, Krishnidoss, who is a, he does like Kiertons, he's a, it's like with Hindu chanting, which sounds, it's actually amazing. He's, he's amazing.

I think he played it the, uh, Grammys once. He's like in a, just a really, really fascinating philosophical guy. So I'm going to be interviewing him about like chanting mantras, why they work, what they come from. So that's my friend reminds of Yogi up the street. He lives at the 13th street. Ah, no. What are you laughing at? Why do you have to say where he lives?

No, it's a Yogi studio. Like what's Yogi's living? Oh, wow. That's why it's not his house. He's in the 13th street yogis, huh? Wow. Sorry. Well, it's a yoga studio, but upstairs,

all the yogis and str- yogis, whatever they find. I feel weird now. That yogis, thank you, Duncan. Fucking bitch me out of my friend's name, yogi. But I was going to him for a meditation. And I remember he took me upstairs. We did two hours of meditation and yoga and it was unfuckin' believable.

You got high as a kite, didn't you? I got high as a kite. And we go up to the fifth floor or the sixth floor and he's like, this is where all the male Yogi's live. And the main Yogi walk by, it looked like what you think of the beard and he's like, how are you doing? It really nice guy. And I'm like, oh my God. And he goes, all the women Yogi walk by, it looked like what you think of the beard, and he's like, hi, how you doing?

It's a really nice guy. I'm like, oh my God, and he goes, all the women Yogi's are on the fifth floor. One lady, she's a cunt. That's what I'm like. I go, what the fuck, even you? Even you? You're not fucking,

you don't even mean you have cunts too. You're not, we just did two, you're cons too. You know, we just did two. I, you're a yoghurt. That's New York City yoga. So I would like you to come back on. I'd like to talk about that and maybe have him come on too. Okay. Yeah.

Now, you know what? Scratch that. He's in a wheelchair. I don't want to get him up the fucking flight to stairs. Take a look. But maybe we could do one. I would love to have you back here. I'd love to.

All right. Great. Thanks for having me. What do you got, man? Oh, man, I am mostly just around the city, because we're writing. So it's, so come see me around Josh Gondelman.com. I put up my dates. Watch last week, tonight with John Aller. So I can keep having a job. And I don't think you have to worry about that.

I hope so. No. And I, I've been album. Is is that okay to plug I've been album called No, that will do that the third Tuesday Bumping somebody next week I understand how It's called physical whisper and you can get it wait wait wait wait what wait, wait, what? It's called physical whisper. Yeah, it's just the dumbest. It's like one tiny thing from a joke and it's the cover

is like a Michael fake Michael Bolton album cover basically. Is it up on the internet? Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me see this. And you can get it on, digitally and on cassette. Not not CD. Let's see this. Yeah, that's weird. I was saying, let me see your image. That's weird. It's real stupid. That's great. That's great. That is so funny.

That looks, you know, people are gonna buy that as an album. Oh, yeah. It's, I mean, it's a great middle-aged lonely woman with 10 dogs. She's gonna pick that up and ago. This is, I need a physical whisper. And there's a super disappointed thing. Not a first. It won't be a last. Hi buddy, thank you. I really come back. Of course, this is a blast, thanks for having me.

I'm so glad you came on. I want a fun show. Lauren, what do you got, baby? Just out one of those air cups. I know, she's so tiny. When I hired her, she had fucking seat cups. She's telling me to be a little boy today. She had C cups when I hired her.

Then they went to B one week, and now she's down to these fucking chickens. I only hired C cups, but I'm saying. I think she's got a massive hog, okay? That's true. I mean, we know. Nobody thought that was true. You could find me at at Lauren Kubaira across social needs.

And you almost died again, right? I almost died again. Sepsis came back a little bit. I was in the hospital for subsis. I got better and then I came back just to, but I was on top of it a lot better. So literally almost dying every week. Face time day, I'm like in the hospital, like, oh. Hang on, let's get that act out one more time.

What, what were you like? Oh my god. It's like I was there. Yeah. It was really dramatic. Like, God, it was amazing. I'm so fucking, I can see. Just one more time.

Give us with the hand, though. Do the hand. I can't do it. Just one more time give us with the hand I do the hand I can't do just one more time Oh wow, I mean that is a master class I'll be at the office I have sepsis now Yeah, everybody has sepsis Oh my god, you are, I mean are you a UCB? What are you doing?

I'm not UCB, you'll find me there, I'm not I'm not a fucking What a woman show called contagion Yeah Oh, we thought it was sepsis but it's really is I mean, there I'm on a diet. What a fuck. What a shit. One woman show called Contagent. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we thought it was sexy, but it's really easy. All right, ready, Deepo, what do you got? People can follow me at R2 Deepo, and the usual thing, stand up, couple podcasts, streaming

on Twitch. Name, buddy. Come on, stop being so humble. You okay with that? You can't complete conflict of interest. Oh, really? The fuck? I'm trying to keep it classy. Fuck you, you the combo. But the complete conflict vent conflict ventrist. Oh really? The fuck? That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that,

I'm trying to keep it classy. Fuck you, you're classy. I wanna, I wanna promote everything you do. I told you I had a guy come up to me. I was just in Madison, Wisconsin at Comedy on State. The best club ever. Incredible. Yeah.

It's the one that makes me sick. Makes me sick, dude. I, how nice there. The guy at the airport, Robert, Robert were so excited to have you back I almost went shit the fuck up Because I thought it was joking greatest guy ever drops me up with a hotel unbelievable I said I pulled the calf muscle cuz I'm fucking chubby walking on sand fat people shouldn't walk on sand and flip flops Right so I pulled the calf muscle and he's I he calls me up. All right. We have a massage

There's a masseuse a salon upstairs from the club. There's an appointment at 730 if you'd like it. We set it up for you. Oh my God, it's so awesome. It's amazing. I go in, I get a massage before the show. I come back down three of my favorites of cars there in the fucking green room.

It says, welcome back on the board. It says welcome home, Robert. Oh my God. And then they go, what do you want for dinner? I go, I don't know, Greek salad, boom. Greek salad after the board. It says welcome home Robert. So I said, and then they go, what do you want for dinner? I go, I don't know, Greek salad, boom, Greek salad after the show. Wow. On the whole sold out every show. Where is this Madison? Madison, which concept sold out all the shows. And they said, look at man, I had a lot

of fans there, but they sell, they help you sell that sucker out. It's like a group. It's like a thing. Unfuckin' label label. I'm there guy a lot of YKW defense Thank you for listening a lot of premium members a lot of people coming up proud to be premium members 199 a month, but you just go down on the app. What's the app called? It's called the Robert Kelly's you know what dude app Do I not do I not know the name or I just trying to Do I not do I not know the name or I just trying to include the I that's for you

the I O S and Android download that soccer join and you become a premium member we just did a whole nother creeps with kids going behind the paywall a pal but a lot of they come up one guy come up because minute now here's I'm the reason I'm saying this is not to be racist,

but I just did the demographic that usually likes blah, blah, blah, you know, younger kids, but guy, my age or a little older, white guy, not deep whose demographic, said, you tell deep who I fucking love him on the show. He's gotten so much fun, he's funnier, he's killing it. I am dying to know what he heard. And I said, he's a, no, every week. Every week dummy, yeah., this is this is what's gonna make you great and this is why you're annoying

Because you're shitty self-esteem You have an ego with those shitty self-esteem. It's a bad combination. That's a great way to help someone with low self-esteem You know that's what makes you fucking rotten It's just like your brain is the problem. Yeah, it's your... We're gonna get a pill someday. I'm gonna shit in your asshole. After you shit to my asshole.

That's funny as you from just putting your poop away. I'll put it. I'll give you that. Chris Rock shit in my asshole. I'm touring the country. Chris Lui and fucking Bird are just shit in my asshole. I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like And it was fucking, it smelled like fucking barbecue and then Billy Burr shit and it was fucking at a mommy It's just like a gritty reboot of freaky Friday. Well, that'd be a great show. Right it. You're right. I'll start Don't come fucking be in the team. Well, people was aside. Crush Christie. We're gonna

Someone in chat said this was ykwd hipster edition Why cuz he has a beard? Yeah. Yeah, well, yeah. He's got a beard. He's got a beard. This is all bearded. I never thought of myself as that though, but that's cool.

Yeah. Your voice just became a... I am not a hipster. I don't know. I don't know. I do it. I do it. I love the call me that. I do it. I love the coat because my mom does have it.

Does she really? Yes. I'm really. That's a Jackie O'Nass' coat. I'm not a shit. I love this. I love that coat too. In fact, that makes me love the coat even more.

That my mom has it. Yes. I really do like the coat. You look good. I wish I could get a coat that I could button and look that's feltin'. All right, so what else we got me? We got your dates.

March 10th, 11th and 12th, you will be at Cobb's comedy club in San Francisco. I've got. I haven't been I've been at punchline Sanfran, which I love. Now I'm at Cobb's, which is, uh, I love that club too. I'm so excited to go back. I love San Francisco. I, my wife used to come at me, which we had, I loved even more. We're a single. Now I'm, there's no way I'm lugging a kick across country and hang around San Francisco. So I'll be there by myself. So any girls that want to fucking give me below jobs for free. No, I'm kidding. I don't want to head.

March 13th. I've already really, really smart girls that want to shit in my asshole. Like healthy smart girls. Good. March 13th and 14th, Bobby will be at South by Southwest doing the laugh Boston show in Austin, Texas. I will be what? Oh, no, I'm sorry. The laugh button show.

The laugh Boston. That's fucking crazy. John Tobin book. South by Southwest. No, no, John Tobin. Oh, I love. Yes, South by Southwest, I'm doing live WKWD. So next week you guys have off.

Cool. Excited? guys have off. Cool. Excited? A little bit. Yeah. Good using the gun. We're kind of sick right now if you can't tell. Yeah, well. Me too.

I'm in for a time. You're dying from being on WKWD. Yeah, next week I'm there. We're doing a live WKWD. We're going to do, I'm doing a show with, I mean, incredible comedians. That's out there from laugh button. I'm doing I'm guest fucking

Marriage therapist for the rich boss my wife hates me show another show on broadcast Oh my god, that was so cute. Did you just post no it like an Asian woman? So next week I'm gonna be an happened. They blacked out. So next week, I'm going to be in Austin. It's going to be killer. And then, uh, and then Bobby will be at bananas at Hasbrooke Heights, New Jersey. I thought for you, you are fucking love that club. You fucking fucks by tickets. What?

I'm coming. I'm getting a room. You're going to fucking come. You died, damn right. We're those slutty. Oh, no.ty So I don't look slutty. What? Where's slutty silver look I just want to finger in my butt. I'll jerk off. I just want to Give you my subsist. I want two knuckles. I know Figure up to that knuckle. That's it. And then do this at the top like this

Try to bend it All right, yeah. We got that. Go to robacadolive.com for all my fucking dates. I have to piss. I can feel my heartbeat under my asshole. Also, if you're a fan of the show and want to come in and watch live, email me at YKWD producer at riotcast.com. Yeah. There's a guy that keeps emailing me about coming into the studio. That's how you do it. Yeah.

Stud you get at me. Get at her. Don't get hit me because I look at and go keep emailing me about coming into the studio. That's how you do it. Yeah. Can I get at her? Don't get hit me because I look at and go fucking why didn't she? And then I forget about you, because I have a shit short memory. So do that. Eat what's the email again?

YKWD producer at Rycast. Okay, all dick pics go there too. Yeah. You got big, big send those dick pics over. If you have anything fan wise, you want all this stuff behind us is from fans. You want to send something in? What's the address? 117 McDougal Street, New York, New York, 1 0, 1 2. Hop out, care of YKWD, Robert Kelly.

Got to the light. Go to the network, ryecast.com. All right, one of the greatest comedy networks out there, podcast network, we got Christy Chellow's new show and we have Kathy Kay's new show, Strickly Anonymous. That show is fucking nuts. She puts an ad on Craigslist and Backpage, looking for deviance.

They call in with anonymous, like King Tut, whatever their fucking name they choose and they talk about their fucking crazy shit. I listened to one where the only way the guy could come is wearing Nylons and stealing women's Nylons and it was it was crazy. There was one with a guy and the mother. He, he, he got to listen to this podcast. It was so many. And her whole thing is not to make fun of these people. It's let you freak flag fly,

fucking talk about it. And it, and it, you know, it's so, it's such an interesting show. She interviews these people. It's strictly anonymous. If you have something freaky, if you're a freak, if you are a secret freak, you can email her, be on her show.

Nobody will know it's you. It's a great show. Check it out, and of course, talk and funny, and all the other shows on riotcast.com. We love you so much. Thanks for listening for another episode. You know what, though. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening.

Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás!

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