Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Where's Alan?

Episode Date: August 26, 2013

Robert is joined by Gary Gulman, Pat Dixon, Joe List, Joe Zimmerman and Kelly Fastuca, as things get real in the absence of their therapist, Alan.   RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene esto? ¿Si no, por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos y no creer olvidanos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.

Encuentra en los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Númena que de maú, a Madrid. tienen todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar tu del 3 por uno en medianas a domicilio solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? 3 por uno, 3 por uno, ¡No, no, no! ¡Dinoos!

Pizza! You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? On the Riotcast Network. Riotcast.com Guys, do you want to give your women a hard time? Irrections! Really, do you people think we're so shallow that the only way to get us to listen is using a sultry voice? Let me tell you how thinking men are dealing with their erections.

Enzite! It's true! Millions of men rely on Enzite brands knowing they'll be ready to stand and deliver a confident performance any time every time. That's huge! Just one capsule a day. Sort of like a vitamin you take once a day is all it takes for strong peak male enhancement. Hurry, if you call now, you can score a special enzyme trial pack for the sack and receive a 10-day sample of

ogreplex for the ultimate mail experience free with your order. Call now for the most powerful erections imaginable. With the enzyme trial pack for the sack, call 1-800-606-5715 or go to smilingbob.com. Smilingbob.com. All right, check it out. Ah, here are my dates. You guys are always asking me where you're going to be playing when he comes into my town. Dude, when he coming back to Jersey, man. When he coming back to the Maryland. Well here you go, here are my dates, so get a pen and a piece

of paper and jot it down. September 5th, New York Institute of Technology, Old Westbury, New York. September 6th and the 7th with the Friday and Saturday stress factory in New Brunswick. One of my favorite clubs. October 10th, 11th, 12th. McGubby's Joe Kaus in Maryland. Love that club too. And then I'm back October 24th at the Revelle Casino. Brand new Casino Atlantic City.

I'm doing an hour show, once show only. That's a fucking good time. So get your tickets for that. October 25th, 26th. Comedy works Albany. October 31st, funny bone, Sakura. Where is it, Syracuse? That's the 31st through the third.

That's a long one. That's up in Syracuse. I think that's a new club. The funny bone in Syracuse. October 31st to November 3rd. November 7th, 8th, 9th. I'm in Toronto, Canada for the dark comedy festival, T.Dot Baby. December 6th, side splitters, all the way to December 8th, in Tampa. Tampa, I love Tampa. December 27th, comedy shop, blackstone, blackstone. I don't know what the fuck that is.

It's, it's fuck, my wife fucked up on this one. So, she's gonna have to fix it. But that's enough. You get it. Go to robbercallylive.com right now. If I didn't mention your town, it might be up on my website. If not, email me.

The club you want me to come to and I will make sure my agent is on it. So there you go. Hey what's going on? Okay here's the intro to where's Alan. This was a crazy one. This was real intense. A lot of real shit was up. You know I don't know if you know this. Most of us go to the same therapist especially on this podcast. I think this, most of us go to the same therapist, especially on this podcast. I think three or four of us on this show go to Alan, the comedian therapist, and he every August, he takes the month off. So there you go. It started out pretty quick. You know, I picked these shows. I know who's crazy energy, who's not,

who's analytical, who's the sniper. I know everybody's kind of personality. And I kind of picked this one because I thought that it would be, I thought it would be a little more, I don't know, a serious, I guess, anyways. It was Gary Gullman, Joe Zimmerman, first time on the show. I hear me Gary go into it like right away Gary kind of

called him on something and you know Joe's a really nice guy just and then from there we just went into it. We got into it in Pat Dixon and Joe List. We have Kristen New intern Kelly Fistuka. We have Chris the new intern, Kelly Fistuka. It was a packed house. Pretty intense. I wound up, you know, opening up about some shit that had more me. And whatever, man. I mean, I, that was funny and it's serious and it's, you know, real. So if you, if you can't deal with it, fucking shut it off. But I hope you like this one I

I did it was real healthy and I don't know Purgin to do felt good to sit around with a bunch of my friends and talk about real issues and real fucking Subject matter and kind of help each other out because Alan's out of fucking town. town and was that's it that's the uh... that's the intro so there you go uh... wears alan make sure you uh... retweet this and and face book it and check out uh...

the link the videos on rye cast calm slash uh... robber Kelly that's the new at two page on rye cast go there check us out there check out the videos there and uh... and uh... you know what do page on rye cast go there check us out there check out the videos there and uh and uh you know make sure you subscribe and and review on iTunes if you guys like get it people into the show you motherfuckers not the a-doin already the the listenership has gone up is that what they call listenership anyways the amount of people listening to the show has gone up dramatically in the last couple of weeks, so last couple of months. So thank you, thank you, all you son of a bitch

is who are donating. Make sure you check out our sponsors, Tweet.io, Amazon, Gamefly, and our new one, Draft King, Draft King, they're great. That's one day of fantasy sports. One day, you don't have to do a whole season, just one day, great, I love these guys. And we got some new sponsors coming on board.

So, I just wanna thank you again for spreading the word, dude, that's my kid in the background. I'm gonna go play with them. Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton, this is Dennis Leary. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Chrysler. Staying cooking, you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude?

You know what, dude? I know what, dude! If you bippy-bby, if you bippy-bup, dippy-dippy-dry, you have a dava-du. Dude! This is Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? You know what, dude? You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there?

You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there?

You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there?

You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what's in there? You know what I mean? Motion picture? Nice. Who's Larry David? Oh! You should have him on. I'll tell you, this one I know, Larry David was beyond fucking rich, beyond comedy.

When you found out he wrote Seinfeld. Oh, no. All right, is everybody off their phones? Are we good, Pat? Are you good? You're good, Kelly? I'm just texting Gary. The show is on. Yes.

I hit the record button. Yes. That's the way I do it. I don't fucking tell you motherfuckers Are you telling us right now? I'm telling you right now. Patches went Now I know how flight attendance feel Okay, he He um I Walked up to him when I did that little camp. We're not a kid, whatever the fuck it was when I did the show.

I had to play a Red Sox fan when Bill Buckner was walking by. And, you know, they were like, make shit up because that's what you do. You just improv your lines. I said, I came over to the great line. I go, hey, Buckner, why don't you get a time machine, go back to 86 and bend your knees, you fucking retard. Were you on the show? Yeah.

And that's what the story is, essentially, to tell. I thought you were auditioning. No, I was on the show. I didn't get it. No, I did get it. I was on the show. I forgot. Follow along, you fucking Applehead.

It was before i knew you uh... now you knew me used to know me right and uh... and i walked up to my go hey out you know it will work on the cc you know what and i went with stand-up comedians we you know we played on the cello goes where i was a packet i'm out who who who who who was we I try to teach myself kung fu every time I sneeze

Who is the other person it's a red-headed comic you guys know him he's been in some commercials red-headed Daniel Moses nope bill bur nope pj landers nope caretaker no darren Carter bodies no stop the party baker no he's a red headed guy he was uh... it's kind of balding on top red hair kind of a little chunky

not fat but chunky i was about to say fit seven's to his no he's uh... he's from New York, he's a comic red hair. Matt McCarthy. Matt McCarthy. That's him. Oh yeah, I love Matt McCarthy. We were on the same live at Gotham together. Wow, that was nine years ago. Pick up that name off the floor. I'm going to tell this show is going to be a slower Page show than last week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz who are we missing? Lewis Lewis. Yeah, those two really step on the gas as soon Yeah, very yelling

Today we have Joe list who's who's laid back. I'm very laid back, but he's he's fucking the truth I've been meditating a little bit today and I've had a very positive day Oh last week he came in all fucking whipped up because the headphones were fucking up your hair so I'm glad that you've meditated. That's still bothering me to be honest. It doesn't bother me. Step out the gas. I just did a video this past week and the makeup girl was like you have amazing hair.

Really? And then she also said I had the longest eyebrow hair she's ever seen in 15 years in the business. Look at this thing. 15 years in the business. I can't find it. Oh here it is. It comes away. You can't see it but you can see how far away my thing i would love to keep in that you're supposed to get rid of that and trim it every

once or i come back but then i've just forgotten about it i have one of those two my wife plus it i'll be watching tv and it's just sneak up like a ninja and she'll snag it because i like to keep it right i think it's good luck it comes back though right i think it's good luck yet democratic national committee plans to vote on a resolution

calling on and bottle and battled sandiae g in cd a go mayor bob fa was it fight finler finner we're doing the news now i just read stuff off my phone when it pops up we have nothing to say about you can probably get rid of that program let's introduce come some people first of all just to let you know in case you didn't my name is Robert Kelly Call me Bob I've called you Bob a couple times it feels good. It should yeah, so soon. I'm sucking you dick too far Bob too

Too far I pick that time too Kelly he's doing the video wrong. It should be sideways. Horizontal, everybody knows that. 13-year-olds fucking can plan about that on the fucking internet. I'm going to take the video today. He's going to do the photos. Oh, photos should be that way. I'm sorry. Go ahead. The other way. We have Joe Zimmerman, very funny guy. I actually, I met you with the Beards of Comedy first. Yeah, in an alley. And an alley, sucking your dick. What a second dick going on here.

Yeah, what do you get to do? It's only two dicks. What do you talk about? That's not a lot of second dicks. It's two more than it should be. Yeah. And we got one of my favorite Pat Dixon. Wait, what's up?

Who is, you know, dude, when I first met you, I was like, wow, this guy is, I don't know, what the fuck, it's not uptight. It's just clean cut. I would say clean cut. Yeah, sober. Yeah, you're not. No.

You're a fucking craze. This is my problem. But anyway, thanks for having me back on the show, Robert. Personally, I'd like to be back. That's the one of the things I love about you is that you can't judge a book by its cover Mm-hmm. You're fucking crazy. You get great stories But you're also a guy who uh, you know who's like the rest of us trying to be healthy Yeah, sure trying to get through this fucking life without without using the demons

Well, I'm on a huge downward slide, actually. Jeez, really? Yeah. Are you kidding me? Well, no. Joe's been watching this happen. While you get active and get, you know, that he's huge now. He's like, Joe is this big muscle man.

This is. You know, it's ridiculous. I don't want to see this. You know, I know Joe well. So it's disturbing to see somebody kind of like on the rise, you know, when you're trying to hit bottom a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. He, he, you're trying to hit bottom a little bit. Yeah. Yeah.

He, uh, trying to hit bottom. Can I see them? Can I see the muscle? I'm trying to get there. Can I see the muscle? Shrub muscle? You know, it's not that. Not even flex.

It's not that big. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but the thing is, Pat. He's one of these like 10 pull ups on the subway kind of guys, too. And he takes a shirt off and pulls up on the stuff. I do do that. Yeah, yeah, but the thing is Pat. He's one of these like ten pull-ups on the subway kind of guys too. Yeah, he takes a shirt off and pulls up on the subway. I do do that. Yeah, yeah.

I'm one of the few whites that does pull-ups on traffic lights. He's just trying to get a good Vine video. Speaking of traffic lights real quick last night, we were, oh, Pat was hosting a Caroline's and I was doing a spot. And our friend who also struggles, well, maybe I shouldn't be saying that, but Darryl Hammond was there. We're hanging out outside and yeah. He was just saying now.

He wrote a book on it, I mean. Oh yeah, he was leaning. Well, I don't know. You're supposed to be all whatever. Well, he wrote a book, he's not sure what you guys know. I'm not sure you know, but I wrote the big book of alcohol on an anonymous. So keep that, Hush, Hush.

He was leaning against the street sign thing and then realize it was those wet paint signs all of the ground and has just a green stripe down his suit jacket it was pretty sure did you do it is is losing a suit jacket those got to be expensive and a robot any clothing before black suit jacket uh... really expensive couple hundred bucks right he was really concerned with the Monday night crowd at Caroline's thought of his jacket.

I think, yeah, I think he was fine. It looked very 90s after it was painted. I bet your comic from Brooklyn will probably pick that up. It'll be the new thing. It'll be in his next album. It's called the paint on my jacket. Paint on my jacket. That's all pretty good.

Come down to paint on my jacket night at a good come down to uh... paint on my jacket night at bar seventeen at the monkey palace i think that's a direct the honest pop is bar for reference it was uh... thirteen thirty thirteen to a kelly okay well you did you and the fish and he'll open the door for life some go down and fuck them all of fuck up slowly if you fucking go down the hill fast.

Yeah, fuck them slowly. Right? Joe? Right. So Joe, what's going on with you? First of all, today's gonna, I'm glad you brought up this, I don't know, do you have demons, are you an alcoholic, do you have drug,

you seem like a pretty clean cut, normal, well-functioning human being to me. But I could be wrong, because I was definitely wrong with patexin. Somebody was asking me what my vices were, and I tend to just worry about everything, like worry about alcoholism, worry about drugs. So I tend to just not have any vices

except worrying all the time. So I tend to just worry. So you actually worry yourself out of being an alcohol, a drug addict, sex addict, food addict. You know what's good for that? Booze. I love some red wine. I've got a lot of anxiety. Drugs. I worried myself into alcohol. Gary gum and everybody Gary gum and G square. Hi, buddy. Hi, everyone. Who's that dude on your shirt? Is that Louis Katz? Haha.

It doesn't. They do a very similar look. Louis Katz and Woody Allen. We were talking about demons and vices. Alcoholism minus food right now. We all know that. This food, sex, is kind of died. It's weird. I used to be even married sex, the porn and the fine and the perfect thing to jerk off to. Even not

that I was going to go to a whore, but to find creepy shit on the internet where I could go for a cheap price with a nice photo and you know, do weird shit. You know, I would, that shit used to make me happy. It used to, not make me happy. It used to, I think the back, it used to fulfill me for the time being while I'm alone on the road in a hotel room or whatever.

And get me back to my wife, believe it or not. You know what I mean, that type of stuff. Not doing it, or spending the money, but, you know, playing the game would get me back to home to reconnect, because what I do is, when I leave my, now my family, but then my wife, I would disconnect

because I've done that my whole life, because I was in foster homes, I was in the jail, so you meet these people, you're my surrogate family, and now being a stand up comics, we do the same thing. We're all hanging out for weeks together at the clubs. And then we all go away. You know what I mean? We don't talk as much as we should. Yeah. Well, yeah, it's like, you'll go away for six months. I won't see Pat Dixon. But I don't, when I see you, I not mad at you, like regular people, like people, if regular friends, if you didn't talk to him for six months,

they would do, you're a fucking asshole, right? But you show what's up, dude? How you doing? I know we not a disconnect and reconnect when we see each other Right where we left off that's not good for relationships with women Uh, yeah, it's good for the relationship between you and I Can't fucking take you all the time Gary. No, I know but I feel like we go too long without without talking or anything like that and it's It's a good chap. Yeah, these relationships are pretty shallow when you get right down to it. Yeah, but I feel like Grabber and I have so much history that we have a we have an opportunity to have a deeper relationship I'm not even half kidding though, Zimmerman.

Who's this new guy who's taking me down a peg? Hi, that's Joe Zimmerman. What do you mean he's doing? What do you do? I was fixing your sound. What happened Gary? How did you get serious and he started laughing like that? Why'd you laugh?

That happens though. That happens in a community. I'm comfortable with depth. Are you uncomfortable with depth? I was trying to picture you two calling each other once a day Checking it. Yeah, that would be fucking hysterical I Gary I don't know why people think they can go right from not knowing me to fucking with me immediately

I don't I don't know that happens very frequently and I this this guy the other day at at jose fucking picnic fucked with me thirty five seconds after meeting me who is this guy oddo was his last name i'm spelling it so nobody knows what we talk about jose picnics is uh... his uh... shawty picnic yeah well i want people on the app to well yeah want people uncomfortable with me until they get to know me i don't know where people get the idea of this i took took my I don't take my family Anywhere I don't take my wife anywhere my wife

We don't have connected on Facebook when I have friends on we are nothing It doesn't exist because my family when you meet them is a fucking Honor and I thought the barbecue is you and and and Kelly and fucking and I show up it's a bunch of hippies on a fucking table cross with some fucking pringles I got my baby and my wife the open picnic and I show up as a fucking playing frisbee with fucking the no name fucking beard with no offense, right? Bobby Bobby is this man because I made him bring two people

Well, here's the thing. I like that. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. My that's funny. It was a bringer pick Yeah, but he was a wife and baby. I show up. I literally I I show up. I'm looking I say first of all Balloons he's get the balloons tied to a blade of grass So you can't even see the fucking balloons. Yeah, that was funny that he didn't hit the balloons I didn't have balloons then I find you can ask for extra string. It's not it's not long money I had to tie it on tight to get on the train and then I was too I don't trust myself to untie and then retie without losing a balloon anyways Which I feel like would happen back to my childhood now, just cry. Here's the deal.

Losing a balloon to the sky. Devastating. Devastating. Devastating. Because you watch it for half a month. Yeah, we need. It just gets smaller. We need to, first of all, your picnic balloon.

Balloons. It was great. It was, it was, listen, first of all. You're the only one that didn't like it. Listen, Harry. At the pet.'s a pat. Did you like it? I you know, I wasn't there long either but I that was my Nobody was there long everybody left now I was there for seven and a half. Yeah, you we don't ran it. Yeah, you

Gary left you both I left he left Gary was the first one there and he was mad at you because you were didn't come No, don't put words my mouth. I was not mad was not mad he was just appointed yeah I knew Gary wasn't there you should have texted me yeah I said Gary left I was nervous because I kept saying I was that you get to stay Bobby's on his way and then you shut up and I was like Gary was just here I show up the the kid who fucking boss kicked in the ribs is there I show up he's there I'm gonna go great I'm gonna have to fucking get no fight about he's gonna say some about my kid. No, they made They made up would you kick him in the ribs if he said some of my kid. Yeah, I don't know if it would be the ribs It might be a I'd probably take my family home and then come back with a bat you wouldn't fight him like right there next

No, I would never fight in front of my family. This is what you I actually did that. Who was it? I'm not I'm not a Caroline's party one year fight in front of my family. This is what you did. I actually did that. Who was it? I'm not a carolines party. One year, some guy did that to me. Some comic fucked with me. Came up and said some shit to me. And you didn't know him that well? That was just... I did not know him that well. And I said, I'll be right back.

And I went and I grabbed my wife. And I said, you're going home. And I took her home in a cab. And I walked back. He told Jimmy, he said, her home in a cab and I came I walked back. He told Jimmy he said keep him here. Keep him here. I walked back and I went down the stairs half way and I went you let's go and he walked upstairs he goes what I go I'm gonna beat the fuck out of you I'm taking you outside right now and I'm gonna fucking beat the fuck out of you anyway. He went like this he goes Bobby I'm a big fan I was just kidding and and he literally was like, dude, don't have a fucking do that. I'm not an asshole. You don't seem to be an asshole. You don't need to be an asshole to fucking talk to me. Just come up and say hi. I whatever fucking rep I have whatever because I look bald and tough. You think you're to be an asshole? I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and he came clean and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and then he came clean and I was like, dude, don't ever fucking do that. I'm not an asshole. You don't seem to be an asshole. You don't need to be an asshole to fucking talk to me. Just come up and say hi. I'm a little fucking rep. I have whatever because I look bald and tough. You think you're to be an asshole. I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm a little drunk and I'm not an asshole, you don't seem to be an asshole, you don't need to be an asshole to fucking talk to me. Just come up and say hi.

I would have a fucking rep I have, whatever, because I look bald and tough that you think you're gonna be an asshole to me. I'm a sweetheart, I'm a teddy bear. You don't need to be a fucking dickhead to me. What are we gonna go back and forth, fuck you? You're this, you're a fuck off, I don't do that. You do look bald.

I'm a sweetheart teddy bear who will take you outside and beat the fuck out of you if you say about my kid. Yeah well that is a person with violence. That's a person who has been hurt not violence. Well that's violent. Say you have been a therapy a long time. I know I'm a month out of therapy. I want to repair this because first of all Joe is a nice guy.

Oh I know Joe is a nice guy. Yeah. Well I think that Joe was laughing not at, I think, look at you, your first time on your show, this show, I don't know if you know what the fuck, you got to kind of get into it, the conversation, you know, I mean, because we really fuck with each other a lot on this, this podcast. Yeah. This episode seems to be not that kind of show.

Last week was definitely what you mean. Last week, you just shittled over over my picnic that I stand by is a wonderful No, that wasn't that's from men does that one that wasn't for fun. That was a shoddy picnic. It was great picnic I brought half the shit you were there for eight minutes your kid threw up out of his nose and mouth and ears Yeah, because of the party it was my kid One of the worst kid bomb it's a never seen all holes and it was I literally turn my kid to the party the picnic and he went along and he threw up I go

time to go it was a great party but here's the issue I was insulted earlier oh boy by some guy I don't think I never seen what he said in my life it was bad what if I were a a bit a couple of bits you were killing a couple of bits Gary wrote for the picnic He came in and brought some okay that he laughs now he brought some he believed An angel all right Can you fuck cuz I like him and you made him a little uncomfortable? No, I know I know because that's what it has to be now Because people are fucking with me too much and I'm getting hurt to rather than be uncomfortable Than you, okay, that's Patrice's model. You have to be the the canary in the mind. I don't think he cares

I really don't think Joe gives a shit. I know I hope I'll just say I didn't realize I didn't mean to I know I know I know I know Yeah, I look nice. Yeah, you made us mouth dry You make humorous hate and have some't have some audience that makes me giggle. All right. It's my rhythm that did it. And you get Joe another water. His mouth is dry. His teeth. The stuff. He was up a little doing a fun bit. A couple of fun bits. Yes. Where it's a game where you say you were killing at a club. And then the other person says, I was there.

You barbed and then you give the worst excuse. Right. Right off the bat. Like you bombed and then you give the worst excuse right right off the bat like you know you caught me give a worst example joe i was at carolina's the other night and i absolutely destroyed i mean i was unbelievable i killed when's the night yeah i was there you bombed well they put on a lot of black medians early and it's hard to have had had had type of it. I get you to do it. Dude, I, Gary, let me tell you something. Uh, Thursday night, last Thursday at the comedy seller, I annihilated annihilated.

This past Thursday, like this four or five days ago. Yeah, this past Thursday. You ate your cock. It was uncomfortable. Yeah, but dude, I can't follow a woman in guitar act. Those are hard. You know what I mean? They're really, yeah, because they get the women on their side

and then they go up there with your brother. Hello, ladies, are you with me? And then, can't do it. Yeah, I killed the other night at the world. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Last the other night? Last the other night?

Yeah, last the other night. Yeah, yeah, it was there and I did great. Wait a minute, Dad. I'm on way comedy. Pat, I was there and you fucking sucked your own dick for a half hour. Oh, yeah Yeah, that's that I okay, but it's gonna come a little bit quicker than that You were I had one and then he threw me off he dragged it out It was like I got no I really did well though

You didn't yes, and you may be and yeah Generally you want to blame the black comedians or the women. Yeah, do the other one Well, the other one is a side gag No, not that one but the one with this one, but it's a fun thing to talk to the microphone because this is a podcast You go to a comedy club. Yeah, oh You're gonna set up set up another Can I do it? Oh God, this is Let's speed this up. Yeah, this better be good because you drag your me down. What is it? Go ahead? You're gonna start it. You're at a comedy club. No, no, you start it. This is the worst. You know what?

I'm gonna start this move on to the next one. This is here's the deal. Fuck this. The point is I'm gonna do the one where you go. I killed and I go yeah, I know is a great set. All right. All right, good for you. Listen Here's the thing though. This guy says what to you you that's what i want to know the guy what how did the guy issue of and what did you do about it because everybody has to know this i have been a therapy in three weeks my therapist every every august

a lot of therapists take off the month whole fucking month that's true that's absolutely true. So what happens around, you know, the first Alan one said, the entire island is psychotic for the entire month of August until Labor Day. So it's a slightly juicier Ray Allen.

So, so it's been a tough three weeks. And this is the thing is I start out just guns of blaze and I'm fucking I don't I might not even need to go back every week. I might do every other week. Sure. Yeah, set Short second week and now third week. I said some shit to my wife the other night. I Fucking asshole and I got a baby and my thing is I don't argue in front of the baby I don't want to have tone in front of the kid. I don't want them to pick up on my angry tone towards my fucking wife And the other night we had a we had a public argument We had it like walking the street as I'm pushing a baby carriage. I was that couple

As I'm pushing a baby carriage, I was that couple as I'm walking Fucking what was it six at night as I'm walking push because in arguing stopping turning around you don't listen That's what it is and then pushing the baby carriage a couple more feet and then stop it. Yeah, no, but you don't hear what I'm fucking saying Okay, that's your fucking problem and then push the little baby carriage You know, I mean it was it was fucking stupid fucking problem and then push a little baby carriage you know i mean it was it was fucking stupid uh... i'm sitting at apologize to him like i have a metatherapy in three fucking weeks

so let's go back to where you're at this guy says what to you we're doing the jokes and then uh... jose is let's do another one and then the guy says uh... well it wasn't funny the last time oh shit yeah and then uh... wow do you know do you know that go well no I had never met him in my life I didn't know his name is a comedian and then yes ten minutes later is it a good comedian yeah it's

funny ten minutes later somebody new shows up in josephus let's try it again and I said no I can't do it because that guy over there it taken on myself to steve and confidence way we're doing the bit so it's ruined i'm not doing any more and i think he thought i was joking i think it it got so i think it started to get pal publey real i felt but maybe but i do you really well too after gary lifted that comic saying about what had happened

now i didn't really take a look at hosting the wonderful wonderful party uh... that everyone was really happy with it was not wonderful this is what this is it was uh... on a scale from bearable to wonderful it was bearable here here's a thing though he didn't tell you that he was inviting nineteen other people i invited it i invite more than nineteen i didn't know you were gonna invite your fucking,

your pottery class and your, generally if I'm the most famous guy there. Yeah. It's a shoddy, shoddy collection. If I show up with my, if I show- The shoddy representation of the New York comedy community. No, it's a poor choice by you for party to go to. Yes.

And here's it. We couldn't even make a vote at uh... the comedy coalition wouldn't even make a vote at that nothing could get done at that fucking party i didn't know you were such a picnic elitist well here's a deal you told me all my friends were gonna be there i didn't tell you all your friends gary i said gary lefkaz you were five hours late cally kelly was there louis was there louis was there ke Kelly was there. Lewis was there.

Lewis was there. Kelly was there. Gary was there. Look, man, next time you throw a party, just make sure you tell us the whole party. Guess what? Well, I will. And you make sure you're there near on time.

Now, Joe, by the way, this goes back to what we were talking about, where we don't see each other in friends. I'm trying to gather everyone so we're together and hanging on. I'm trying to keep you guys close together look at it you shut up on time you guys would be as good a friend as you could possibly well maybe if we weren't going through middlemen gary we wouldn't have to fucking deal with this hey i had lines sometimes

haha that was that was almost perfect that's true but it is true though like i do like the fact i went to that party because i didn't want to go to that party i don't fucking do those parties i don't leave my house to go to those parties on son was it sunday santa friday friday friday i don't fucking do that and the reason why i did it is because i don't do it and the people are nice all the people i met they will find what me

they didn't say anything to me no but i didn't really fuck around with that me either i kept my mouth shut because i'll tell you this is that i'm usually the guy that steps in shit at those parties you know not intentionally but i will say something in one of those guys will say something like that to me and i'll go yeah want you shut your fucking face yeah and then they go i'm just kidding the boss didn't comes out of me the the the fucking you know when everybody does something different when they get hurt like you got a I know that that fucking was weird when Gary said that to you um talking to the microphone uh-huh yeah I just I was I was laughing at him because I thought he was being humorous

and I wasn't being humorous and then he was upset at me that but that fucked you up so well I don't do yeah I I tend to avoid conflict. See, you understand? I wish I had that. If I had that mechanism, if somebody had taught me to avoid conflict, because this guy, let me tell you something, I'm looking at him, he's not, he's not a guy that can't handle himself. I can tell this guy, I can tell, no, I can tell this guy can handle himself if he had to. I can tell. Not in handle himself if you had to I can tell not to fight. No, physically you're gonna fight Gary after the show. I want to prove to you that you are not verbally I could like

hang right. Why you give a switch did I give you a switch. No, you gave me that coffee. Sorry. Yeah, but right when that happened I felt I felt bad because I I know that you're not you didn't mean it But I also know what the fuck it's it's you could sit there and not say anything and move the fuck on and avoid confrontation, yeah, right and just be like what the fuck and take that home with you and then you're later tonight going that mother fucker Yeah, but unfortunately Joe Zimmerman paid the price for this kid the other day

Now what do you think the mental psychology was of this kid the other day? What was he trying to do? He's he stranger. He I'll tell you what it was is that group of people that you're with your friends of very I don't think it's It's it's quick-witted. I think, witt or quippy, like, you know, zing's and it's in a snobby way. You know what I mean? But not snobby, like... Like show up at a paint and it can be like, all you people are beneath me. Right, it's just that snobby comedy. It's a's a form of comedy nick uh... turners kinda he has that he can put you down quick with like a mm i don't think so

you know i think but that's his comedy i think it's personal i think he's just that's his thing he kind of does that i don't think he's a i think he's a nice guy nick turner was the son on the critic uh... that's weird that he you just that hurt my feelings that you just side-tracked now i'm sorry not even listening to me no i listen to you no that means you're

not fucking listening to me gary that means you're not listening but why would the so so this guy his whole thing is i'm going to be the witty snobby guy i don't think that's the thing i think that he was trying to be singing and funny and i don't know but that's a snot look at that's the thing. I think that he was trying to be zingy and funny and I don't know But that's a snob look at that's a snobby thing to say if he wasn't with his That's not I would have abused him. Here's a deal. I should don't get ready. Who was it? Do you have a which one did he have a beard? Yeah, you had a beard. Oh really. I know exactly. I knew

Here's the thing though, but it's that style of humor Joe I mean you get what I'm saying it's not like well the thing is I don't think that he is like that I think that he was trying to be fit in. Yeah, I think he was trying to be Funny and didn't fit in by tearing somebody down did he say something to you about it? Be honest. I haven't talked to him since then believe you shouldn't because you carry your friend Yo, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's another thing that's been going on that's driving me crazy I'm holding grudges for friends you shouldn't because you carry your friend you know yeah yeah yeah here's another thing that's been going on that's right me crazy i'm holding grudges

for friends but they don't hold grudges on people that i'm into it with well i don't want to speak of any grudge on the on the podcast here so i mean you know why i want people supporting my grudge here's it the i used to have this bobby and i talked about this the other night i think that it should be a rule that your friend should hate the people I think that it should be a rule that your friend should hate the people you hate Yes, it should be a rule stop hating them. You need to let them know you no longer hating them It's okay. It's worse than getting mad at somebody and you're like I can you believe with and they go?

Ah, he's okay with me. Yeah, it's awful to me with my Nothing to me. I'm gonna get something to your friend. She automatically take you side. Yeah, sometimes I'll be like what about this asshole and it's not that she doesn't agree she should just be like right guys real quick i gotta re i gotta throw this in here real quick is it already over i know no i just got i got it we got a new sponsor the show i'm very excited about uh... draft kings dot com is uh... new sponsor and right now fantasy football is back

and draft king dot com is celebrating with millions in cash prizes and right now fantasy football is back and draft king dot com is celebrating with millions and cash prizes draft king is it's it's really cool it's uh... it's one day fantasy sports one day one day games means that you'll never ever get locked into a whole season so you know in one day play game and you're done you're out you don't have to sit there for the whole season

and worry about the trades in the pics and the and uh... one day and you're done, you're out. You don't have to sit there for the whole season and worry about the trades and the picks and the, and one day and you're out, okay? It's like a new season every time you play. Pick your team in minutes and you could instantly be getting your share of the million bucks. They're awarding at kickoff, a kickoff week, okay? So check this out. Week one of this football season

a million boxes up for grabs that's crazy so you can go and play and get a million dollars that's not uh... so draft kings is where anybody can enter with a couple of bucks and wing big cash just a couple of bucks a day it's not this big long drawn out thing that's why i like it draft kingsraft Kings is a, is a, this is a true story too. One of the guys won a hundred grand.

His very first time playing. So he went in, couple bucks, hundred thousand dollars. How much? Hundred thousand dollars. Okay. Play for free. Yeah, free. Did you hear me free at draftkings.com? Enter Kelly with your first pay Game and get free entry into the million dollar kickoff bash Okay, so that's you get a free entry into the so you can win a million dollars Faunada and their Kelly With your free first pay game and get a free entry into the million dollar kickoff bash. Seriously, it's free entry and you can win thousands just playing fantasy football. Use Kelly

DraftKings.com that's DraftKings.com. Make sure you go there and use the code word Kelly and win millions. And if you do win millions I want some of that fucking money for this podcast. It's Kelly isn't Robert Kelly not Let me see that. Yeah, how do you spell it K L.O.Y.? Yeah, well I spell my name is same as we go to the center. Oh you do Make sure you go check them out new spots in the show. So we're back. OK, here's the deal. This is, I think that I had somebody, I'll give you an scenario, I had somebody get me to hate somebody, who I liked, or didn't give a fuck about.

In difference. Got me to hate them. And then I really, then they send you down this path, and you start picking up you noticing little yeah They do do that. Oh my god that fuck this motherfucker is fuck damn I started treating that person differently shutting them out. What fuck that? No treat my friend like shit do that to my pal If I see you fuck that and then all of a sudden I see them out one night fucking drinking have like awning and I grab your mother fucker you told me you fucking hit I do it I

yeah that was I was like a month and a half and we made up like a week later I'm sorry I've he I've hated this person for a fucking month and a half I've walked into rooms and felt sick because they were there. Do you think it's unhealthy to share other people's grudges and hatred? I think so. I think it's unhealthy. It's unhealthy to hold your own.

It's unhealthy. Look at me. I got to hold my own, but I'm talking to the ones that I don't need to hold on to, because we had a thing, many, many years ago, Bobby Slayton and Ding Hook, they had a thing, and then up in March of Slayton and Ding Hook, they had a thing and then up in March of all the summer. Apparently, over the past 10 years, they've made friendships and it might have happened

nine years ago. Nobody let me in and I was like, oh my god, these two, uh, uh, meaning. It was like in swingers when those guys who wanted to beat up Sue, all of a sudden they're playing video games and nobody told Fafro. Right. House of Pain. Yeah. pain. Yeah Yeah, yeah, so maybe it's unhealthy. Maybe I need to grow up. Maybe I need maybe here's the thing any

These are your grudges. I can't take them on but I will not side with that person against you That's my new policy. I should new policy. Yeah, is that a fair policy? Well, why don't you say sorry to Jim? Oh, I thought I had Jim I mean Joe actually let to say sorry to jim all i thought i had to uh... joe i mean joe actually let me say sorry let me say that was not about you that was about my brothers to be let me say sorry to jim first uh... joe i'm sorry for calling you jim by the way i want to at much all i want to jose unrepped performance

and he was uh... out of this world he's such a wonderful community. I've heard nothing but good things about it. Yeah and then a really nice guy. I mean he's fucking bombing on this show. But if we had a small crowd, if we had a small crowd with dirty hair and scooters he'd be killing. You guys here you guys remember how hard I killed it on Robert Kelly's podcast Oh, no, you've actually aided on that. Oh, yeah, I'm bad at comedy And he's back he's back Well, it's true though. I mean, like, you are that guy, you are

that guy Zimmerman. You're pretty laid back guy. But is there people that you don't like? And there are people that you walk in a room and you're like, oh, this fucking, this something about him might be sides myself. What if it's me? Yeah, I like how I took the joke away from him. Oh, I get the most, I get the most, you know, how you hear, oh, you always hear shitty things about a comedy club and the shitty things that owner does and then you show up and you already hate the

owner. Yeah, so I get that a lot and I try not to hate them, pre-hate them because a lot of times they're nice up front. Yeah, they're nice to you, they didn't like the other person. Yeah, so I go and pre-dislike in comedy club owners because you hear so much crappy things about. But like in day to day life, I don't hear like shitty things about other comics that often.

I wouldn't say. I've had situations like that where I've set myself up at certain comedy clubs. I've revved myself up and then I've reacted. I'm a reactor. I've reacted my whole life to defend myself. I was looking to be reacting real the other day. You're my acting real?

Nothing on that really? That was pretty good. I thought it was a fun aside. My acting real. I have an acting real. My acting real is on my website. Robert Kelly left. I called it his reacting real.

He said he's a reactor. Well, I react to things. No, acting is reacting. I react to things because I'm protecting myself. I try to explain this to my fucking wife. My wife is a square. She's pretty much a normal person. She can smoke a joint once every five years.

She can go have drinks. She doesn't eat fucking to kill herself. She's not fucking diddler herself to fucking three black cocks, well I'm gonna claws it, looking through a wicker, fucking, you know, little slide, you know. She's pretty normal. You know what I mean?

Wait, wait, that's not normal. A little judgemental. Well, to me you know the main but she doesn't understand that you know i've had to protect myself my whole life from the assault of these fucking people from the age of what was a kid when i was a little boy

i'm a little fucking boy getting physically hit and then i learned that violence stopped violence words don't stop violence violence stops violence when there isn't an adult to fucking protect you when your mother isn't fucking standing in front of you letting it not happen when there's nobody knows it happens and you don't know what is happening you just know that it insphysically spiritually and mentally you'll be crushed

you go to violence one day you fucking find out that if you bark back if you swing back if you hurt them they stop oh my god i'd punched back in the stop for a second i get it You know what you can say you're a big fan Look whoa whoa to my second stepdad hang on whoa before you hit me big fan Yeah, I don't you know my favorite insurance insurance adjuster of all time The thing what you're really thing with the measuring the way you do that you didn't stop you go from one side of the car to the other and boom you get your calculations but I

wish I had what some of you all had because I was in therapy and they were like you need to hang on to your anger because what I do is I skip right to put myself in their shoes and I just feel bad for them and I skip the anger that's very dense I don't know if you. Okay. That's what he does. He doesn't know. Wait a minute. I need you to explain that to me.

I can see it here and go, okay, I nod my head. It's time to see anger inward, right? Is that what you're saying? No, it'd be like if we had a real conflict, which I don't wish we didn't. I would be like, oh, Gary was having a bad day. I shouldn't have laughed at him. Now I feel bad for Gary. No, you didn't tell me.

You're wrong. No, I skipped the anger. And you're not Catholic? And then they're like, you got to hold on to some anger. Because you're not even feeling No, you didn't do anything wrong. Then I skipped the anger. And you're not Catholic? And then they're like, you got to hold on to some anger. Because you're not even feeling any, you're not feeling. It's guilty. Yeah, he's using empathy as an empathy as a way to avoid confrontation.

All true, and heavy guilt. Heavy guilt. So that's kind of serial killer-ish. To avoid confrontation. I'm kidding. I love if you just killed you, if you're going now, you just kind of throw it and kill this all.

Yeah, they look for a way to like that's not confrontational, but he doesn't want to feel like a coward. So he'll just say, oh, you know what, I'm the bigger person, he had a bad day. And that's his way of avoiding mixing it up. Or maybe confrontation when he was a kid, probably it was a welcome maybe. He's bundling up. He's not expressing. Well, the unhealthy part is guilt. I'm going to give you an no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nocas de post-grato en el extranjero, de la Fundación La Caixa,

puedes estudiar en las mejores universidades y centros de investigación del mundo. Tu talento te mueve. Solicitate en fundación lacaisha.org. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Huelades de madrida, Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea

Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Ok, here. ¿Qué no hagas? ¿Qué es la otra podcast? Es un poco más difícil. ¿Qué es? ¿Qué es lo que te hace? Don, me estoy hablando de spend 30 minutes up front on this podcast talking about me and how I'm fucked up, but it's gonna go. X-NAY on the mark, Maranay!

I'm just, you know, I don't know. Trying to bring it back to silly. Fucking flippin' through it. That's what I do. Flip, flip through it. All right, forget it, Kelly. If I can step down my... The Soros joke. The Soros? Is that what it was? me. All right, forget it, Kelly. If I can step down my the

Soros joke, the Soros. All right, ready? Yeah. Stressed out. A lot of shit going on in your life. I mean, a lot of stuff. Baby, moving, selling. Oh, so stressful. All day, you just want you spent Friday night doing shows. You come home, you the baby all night. The next night you got to do a show, drive to a gig, come back.

The next day you wake up early, you jump in a car and you go upstate, Westchester to look at towns and homes. And you really can't buy anything because you need the money in the bank from the house. So you're looking at these places that you love, but the bank from the house. So you're looking at these places that you love but you can't get them. So you're not going to, you're looking at these great houses, you're not going to get. So it's frustrating. You drive all the way back. You get to park the, come into the city. You're going to park the car. This like, you know, you got the kid, you got the wife, you got the, the baby carriage, you got all

the bullshit, the diaper bag, and you pulling into a garage and all the cars are pulling behind you and these guys are and then you're rushing and all of a sudden and you're stressed out because you like to do shit, you like to have a plan when you come back in the city. We're gonna do this, you'll do that, I'm gonna do this, you'll do that, I'll do this, nice smooth boom, we'll meet over here and then we'll go home everything's good So you do all this shit you pull up Forget the at gas

Half you rent to the car you rent at a car nine something a gallon. That's a hundred and twenty dollars Oh my god, here's that's a you see like the guy you're not supposed to let you go But the guy's nice enough to turn the car around put it in the elevator drop it back down and let you go But you're pissed to yourself you're fuck but the guy's nice enough to turn the car around, put it in the elevator, drop it back down and let you go. Put your pistol yourself, you're fucka, fuck, fuck, I get all that, you're stressed. And then you get out and it's hard to find a gas station in this city. Right, and you're a stressed out guy, you have a little, so you go find the gas station, come back, you meet your wife and the baby, and you have your keys and you go no? Do you have them? I don't I don't know if I had them. I had them. I don't know if I have them do you

I'm the in the fucking car. I don't know maybe I Now I'm gonna go back in tell the guy to bring it back down and it's a fucking nightmare. You start to stress What do you do? What do you do? I want to go to you first. In regards to... What do you do? What do you... Okay, let me give you the rest of the scenario. Let me give you... Then all of a sudden, you're white. I'm... I'm... I'm. And then your girl looks in the pocket right there, right in front of her.

She's been sitting there for 20 minutes, looks in the pocket and they're, oh, they're right here. And now you're like, oh, you're fucking heart, your chest is here. You're like, what the fuck? What would you do? What would you say to your girl? Um, I would start writing material about it, and that's about it. That's about it.

Yeah, skipping that. No, I fucking panic. I fucking panic when I leave shit. It gets me all panicky, because I like to, especially keys. What would you say to her, though? Would you say fuck it and just move on? Okay. It depends if she was giving me a hard, any grief.

If she was giving me any grief, I would be be I would I would get into it with her okay she was like I'm sorry I found the keys right here I'd be like I so if she was like look it's no big deal stop why you overreacting relax if she told you to relax which I fucking don't when I'm not fucking when I'm not snapping don't tell me to relax more fist fights between guys have been started because one of the guys told the other guy to relax. Relax. Yeah, unless it's Freddie.

Relax. Don't do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, knows your button so she knows your button knows that I'm a fucking I get anxiety my anxiety comes out in anger and rage and fucking frustration you know I get stressed out easy I have a lot on my plate guy what do you do I actually I'm gonna hold you I want to go to Pat Dixon yeah what would I do yeah well you know I would the I think I just go about fuck that's it you know I mean like you're just enraged at that point you know if she told me to relax I'd definitely lose my shit you would yeah be I'd be raising my voice I'm gonna be her I'm gonna be here you be you so with I point, you know, and if she told me to relax, I'd definitely lose my shit you would Yeah, I'd be I'd be raising my voice. I'm gonna be her. I'm gonna be here. You be you so with oh forget you know I found the keys right here. I got what they're right here. Oh, they're there relax. You got them in the pocket relax The relax do I look fucking stressed to you and now I'm gonna my keys. I got my fucking now. I'm gonna roll my eyes

And walk away. Oh wow Yeah, that's what the matter I get a my girlfriend the more I raise my fucking now I'm gonna roll my eyes And walk away. Oh wow. Yeah, that's what the matter I get a my girlfriend the more I raise my voice the more fucking like straight she sounds the more she's just very logical everything sounds very reasonable. Oh, you didn't think that I just You know, it's like no, you're fucking that's that's why they do that. Yeah, you know what they do that because it fucks with you in public Everybody watching is looking you and you're the fucking gorilla And she's just trying to calm down the gorilla relax. It's okay. It's clear who's in charge. Right power move Yeah, so when the cops show up when you fucking snap her neck off thing you're like

I don't know she was trying to relax him She kept using the word relax and he kept getting angry Just to know that makes you mad when you said what she says. She, a passive aggressive makes me angry. I roll. I would have been mad. Yeah, what's the subtext of relax? Okay. The subtext of her relax is you do this all the fucking time, and I'm not giving into you're being like an animal. It's like you're being unreasonable. The I roll says you're being unreasonable. I'm not being unreasonable. We really needed to get to a time time and this was supposed to happen. it disregards your feelings when she says that right relax is like no Act right with the fuck is your problem. It's also disregard the feeling relax relax me

Damn it's a good point straight up. Oh them one them one all right. I'm her relax relax No, relax me. What do I don't know what that means her relax relax relax me what do you i don't know what that means let me relax you you're getting crazy is not a very stressed right now yeah okay okay

right to behave in a manner that will put me at ease i just said we we didn't have the keys and you started to flip out or what i do well you should relax that's what out Well, that's what I do. Well, you should relax. That's what I'm saying. That's what you should do I know but you should relax you should learn you should You should you should learn to relax when I was a waiter. I don't know. Can we just go home? Can we just go home the baby needs to go home? The baby needs to go we can now that what found the keys you cut

The baby needs to go we can now that found the keys you can't Beautiful I had a situation when I was back in I almost but I was getting oh I was getting Gary to where he was gonna Fucking really lay into me. I could see it in your eyes You were getting to the point where you didn't know what to do. We mean you have the same thing. When we get back into a corner, is when we fucking, oh!

Just to get out of the corner. That's where you find the holes in the wall of my apartments, my houses, my dorm rooms. That's what I was looking for. Really, punch walls? Oh my god, I'm a wall puncher. Really? Terrifies me. A tacky tacky thing. My house is my down rooms. That's really punch walls. Oh my god. I'm a wall punch really Terrifies me tacky tacky thing. There you look behind a number of pictures that we were in my house, and there's my fist

I took like you've usually gotten the better of the wall. Oh, yeah I've always said this I said it's so cheap. I don't want to see our relationship goes go to the refrigerator and put the girl. Let the girlfriend stand up against the refrigerator and if you look around her head and there's a bunch of punch marks in the fridge. You know this problems. You know what I mean because the fridge is the best you want to punch something punch a fridge because it's soft it it dense which it looks like you hit it, but it's soft. It has a nice soft gif.

It's adorable. Yeah, ooh, a nice stainless steel, nice and fluffy. You know what else is good? Those claws, it's with the slats. Oh, you break right through those. You feel like the hulk. Yeah, those are always good. And bathroom walls are good.

Well, the chest, like her chest, but I will say something. It's soft, but dense. You can tell you hit it. Putting a hole in the wall, then always gave the woman I was with at the time ammunition. Look at you. Look, you're crazy. You're destroying your own home.

That's what I said. You know, I got just, they pile on. I was wrong, though. They didn't know how to diffuse. You were moving wrong, though. I was wrong. Why aren't they diffusing? Why aren't they, they know what they're because we we have to learn to fucking diffuse ourselves.

There has to be a time where we diffuse it. We like the fucking fire. We know it's there when in my brain when am I going to grow up? It's a decision I make to argue in front of my child. It's not, I don't not have a choice. I have a choice to fucking argue in front of my child. And I'm deciding not to. I'm not going to do it.

I also have the choice, I also have the choice when I'm frustrated and stressed out to stop what I'm doing and go, I'm frustrated and stressed out to stop what I'm doing and go I'm frustrated and stressed out over something I've no control of I don't have control over when What house I'm gonna get right now. I don't have control over where the keys are. I don't know I can just find them and if I have to go back in say, can you please take my car down? I'm sorry. So be it. I don't have fucking... The surrender. Raining me this surrender to accept the things I cannot change. The car is the change of things. I can the wisdom to know the difference.

I will not mind be done. And I don't mean it in a religious way. It's the psychology behind that prayer. You don't it's not God. It's the psychology behind it that can that is the realism that gets that gets me through these things that I can say, look, I don't have who the fuck knows if Pat if you're going to be the next big thing because you know it's not gonna happen we are mean but i don't have a i'll take the hypothetical that's that's the famous i i have to say i agree with gary though because like it

is ultimately i agree with you uh... robert that it's our responsibility to suit ourselves that's all we can do so do you self you can't see this if it's not if it's not my problem then there if if if then there is no solution right but that it's so easy to sooth would be so easy and such a better choice instead of like getting confrontation with me you should feel bad that the keys were here the whole you know what you know i feel some remnant of like oh i'm sorry i stress you you know i said keys were right here i'm so sorry that that was her lion and she blew her line you know what i said keys were right here i'm so sorry that that was her line and she blew her line you know what i said you know what i said

to her the argument on the way home was you know who i am you know you know you know that i'm i i have anxiety in my anxiety comes out through anger that's how i'm trying to look at and then I try to explain where I go look, I used to fuck things. I used to punch things and break things and scream at the top of my lungs. Smoke things. And smoke things. Okay. Right. I don't I don't do that now. I eat I eat bad. But I'm sitting here telling you, face to face, that what you did fucked me up. What you did set off my fucked up shit. I have anxiety. I get stressed out. I have the weight of the world on my shoulders right now. Okay? I'm

trying to get through it with you. I love you. I care about you. And when you do that all you had to do was not talk Look for the keys. You would have found them and we would not hear right now Just look don't say do you have the keys? I know where the keys are Do you know the key? Don't put me through this real life? That's like listening to my fucking booking agent when I say look... look i don't want a hundred dollars more for the flight and i listen type the letter robber said he needs uh... hundred more for flight uh... last time get the fuck off the phone

go do you i don't want to listen to you do you fucking job just do it Yeah, and don't make me the bad guy Yeah, I'm asking for a hundred dollars you asked for the hundred dollars for your guy Oh, you're my advocate. Yeah, not saying body says that I get mad at him You're my eyes that's shitty. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, it's like a my accent you for max and you for a favor Yeah, it's like a my accent you for max and you for a favor But like what would you do if you were doing a podcast and you really needed to go to the toilet But there was a no number two's rule in the bathroom. You have to shit. Oh Kelly Oh my god, you have to shit

Hang on That's only for men getting worse go take a shit Okay, hang on one second. I always do it because Callie's gonna shit Callie's gonna shit I would have been that's what I mean and I didn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable cuz you knew No, stop right now. Look at me. Stop. It's fine. I never assume a girl's in there of shitting I said for 20 minutes. I don't think she's shit I could be a minute I could be a minute. in there for 20 minutes. I don't think she's shit

I could be a minute I could be 10 minutes. I have like really bad IBS like forever Wow She's because I immediately translate Gary you mean to go downstairs I'll go downstairs You're not going downstairs. You're gonna go in the bathroom and use the shit There's two doors. What I got? No, I've got candles. Just I don't want to smell you a shit and perfume. You're a fucking awful flower with Australian nom talking Sorry, I don't want to smell you flowery Australian perfume. I mean shit. Just I'd rather smell shit All right, well hurry up

Go you bring your iPad with you You wouldn't want everybody to know you were taking a dump I don't even know you wouldn't want everybody to know you were taking a dump i don't even know i don't even know if he was trying to distract us by announcing that ball movement i don't even know what to say guys i apologize i do as as as gas on my show this is a low point i've i really apologize

yeah i probably don't have to apologize to me i just i think it's disgusting now that everybody in here is thinking about her fucking dirty, smushed up asshole. I'm not sure. Racked asshole. You know she waited tables today? And she didn't shower.

She's got that yellow mustity stuff around her asshole. Oh, God. And now she's gonna take a shit. I haven't even seen yellowed mustity stuff around an asshole. No, that's just from nut showering and waiting tables. Yeah. It's called, it's called deli mustard. Is it French or golden? It's golden. It's all specked. That's the duty. Yeah. Now she's in there right now push.

She's trying to push it out. The first one came out nice. The first one came out nice. Now the came out nice Now the last couple of like fuck she's got a grumble in her stomach until 16 years ago Bob didn't even know that women went poop Oh, yeah, number that yeah, what was that joke? Oh, killed what was it? Beautiful joke. I didn't even I don't know anything about women I didn't even know up until a few months ago. I never knew women pood Yeah, and you would say because you never hear women say I got to take a shit I got to take it. Oh, oh, oh Allison, I got to wag the tail like lassie. Yeah, it's always a gotta pee. I got a wee wee. Yeah, yeah, I never heard a girl say I'm gonna take a shit

Yeah, I got to wag a tail like lassie. I'll be right back Hold the sandwich for me. Oh my god Well, you know, man, I think this, this, I'm 40 fucking two and I still get mad. I still get mad and I don't get it. I thought I really wanted to be above my anger by now. Like I wanted to be able to control my emotions better by now. I think I'm doing an all right job.

You know what I mean? Because I'm not in jail. I'm not, you know, but look, I got in a fight a few weeks ago. Somebody came at me and, you know, look, they were in the wrong. They came at me and I wish I could be the guy that goes, you know what? This is stupid.

I'm not getting it. Whatever. And just leave. I'm too old for this. I'm too old for it, but I'm also too smart for this. I'm too smart. What are we going to roll around? Are we going to roll or even if I beat you?

Even if I beat you, I'm beat you I'm gonna feel like shit God forbid you get no fight with somebody. You know what happens? I push you you hit your head you snap your neck you get brain damage. I'm in jail my Anything but anything The plot it was a it was a b-plot yeah some subtext i don't think the plot was

the plot was the reason the good guy and the bad guy is really good guy who helps save good guy from bad guy that's the plot but that was subtext driving the main character uh...

you never know look anyway you cut it a fight a physical authentication with somebody It's not gonna end well. What was it about? Robert? What was the fight about? So I didn't know this, but apparently somebody didn't like me. You know, that's the worst when people don't when they hope like you talk about resentment A lot of people aren't healthy enough to know what a resentment is. A lot of people don't know resentments exist okay and they just live with them like tickets and they hold on to them and they hold on to them and they hold on for life and then they wait until

they turn one of those tickets in until you they on you, until you say something to do. Like, hey, I said hi to this guy for years. Friendly, nice. I didn't know he secretly didn't like me or felt uncomfortable around me. He never even said, you know what? You where I could know, if somebody tells me that I've done some of the snaps on me

or tells me they don't like me. I stay away Look at I don't fuck with people. I don't like I don't talk to you I don't walk up and bust your balls if I don't like you I do not talk to you. I say hi and buy and that's what you get Until I get to know you and then I call you a fucking idiot with a shitty haircut you know what I mean but People I don't know I don't really talk to but this person actually apparently didn't like me apparently

Had something a resentment or a grudge. It was just Todd Barry. No. It was a family member Wow So a spark what spark them come on? I just we were sitting there having dinner and something happened and And then all of a sudden like I was he was saying shit that just didn't make sense and I thought he was kidding But it wasn't and then I just started and then it got a little too far and then I backed up I backed up. I was you know this stupid So I just started joking around with it like hey, yeah, fuck it. I suck dick. I don't care. Whatever. I'm an idiot

You know like let's let's just move on, type shit. Joking, like, let's have fun. And, and, you know, it just fucking, nope, a parent, this guy, what I learned, just didn't like me, had a problem with me. And then he left and then came back in the room, running up to my face, inches away, let me tell you something.

And I stood up and I went, what are you gonna do? And then... Was this in front of other people? In front of my family. Wow. At the family table. Holy crap. Did anybody get in to protect you or settle it?

No. Well, he pushed me, he took his hands and push my face and this is funny to after he he alleged says he chest pump me which who cares yeah yeah one basically son of a bitch

you know you have physical so i don't the fact that you're you're you're you're do you trying to i didn't do this versus that is're trying to, I didn't do this versus that is fucking crazy to me. So fuck it, that mean. What's up bump is a huge difference from a face push.

It's not because here it is. No, it is at a bar. It's not at a family table in front of, any physical. It's not at a family gathering. It's not at the table. It's not in front of my baby in front of my pregnant sister.

You don't fucking touch somebody. you don't lay hands on people you do not fucking lay hands on people in front at a family just bump is no hands all right soccer fucking European shit head this is a non-Jewish problem. I've never heard of anything. Well, here's the thing. He's a Jew. No way. Oh my god. Pass. The real problem. But here's the thing. Father and mother.

But here's the thing is I push, you know, I push back real violent. Good for you. Do him down well you know i push back real violent he just had and then you know we we started going at it and then people broke it up and then i should have broken it up before anything happened here's the thing is that i think he went in the other room and talked to my mom or somebody and they kind of revved them up because he didn't go into the room and come get cocked.

He wasn't calmer. He came, he was more heated. But here's the thing, is that- I told him, but we told him to relax. Well, probably. But here's the thing is, you know, it's like, what the fuck, man? Whatever I did verbally, or you don't like me,

let me know you don't like me because number one, I won't invite you to, when I go buy a $120, $30 with a Chinese food, I won't invite you over. Sure, you can eat your Chinese food. Yeah, number two, I won't come there when you're there. I will avoid you, I will stay out of your world. I wanna know when you're coming to see our mother you know what i mean

though i would i would respect the family now i lost i'm done i'm done i won't knock back to that house i will never my wife doesn't feel safe at that house because now she has to worry about me whether i win or lose here's the deal here's a scenario you can't win here's i can't win but here's a scenario um okay he beats the shit out of me I wake up in the hospital just sad because now it's like what the fuck right I knock him the

fuck out it's just sad but here's the worst scenario somebody really gets hurt somebody could die I could have when I pushed him and he hit his head. I could have really heard him And I could be in jail Yeah, after all I've done after all I fucking been through after all the shit I went through All the years of fucking meetings and and I'm 30 years sobriety and I'm 30 years sobriety. Yeah. Try, I'm finally married in love. And you're under the old hood over a spot.

And I undo everything over something I didn't know existed because of a conversation that someone didn't like and they had a resentment against me. And it's tragic flaw that you have. This rage, this, yeah. Right. So I, I, I, I, I I I stand up and I go hey I'm out here I'm not telling with this whatever dude you're yelling at me I'm gonna go

I'm gonna walk away I'm gonna walk I don't know what you doing dude I don't know what you saying you screaming in my ear we're just gonna leave okay better man but I can't do it I can't find my way there. Well, you know, mean it's tough, man. That's a hard place to get to. There's a reaction and there's an instinct and, you know, you're a tough guy. I think you can get there though. I've seen you before, like talks people, you're really calm and you're the one going, listen, I'll tell you what, you know, I just, and, when it becomes violent, especially in my mom's house, where I've been violent before, where I've known, you know what I mean?

It's not an unfamiliar place for me to be attacked. So when I got attacked, my instincts, my instincts just kicked in. And if they weren't there, someone was gonna get hurt. It was usually gonna be him and me. Yeah. You know, I, you know, there's a vibe to that house, there's history. You know what I mean?

I mean, I don't, I mean, I'm curious what your vibe on him was before that night. You just indifferent? Yeah, I mean, look man, he was, he was, you know, I didn't know what he was, what is a beef? Beef. You know, it, look man, he was, he was, you know, I didn't know what his beef. Beef. You know, it's funny is that his beef, his beef, his beef with me was the same beef my mother had with me. So I feel like, you know what, your mother does a thing that my mother does. What's that? Sides against me. My mother. My mother. Yeah. Where hurts? Oh,

I didn't even know that it was an issue until my therapist Alan left go it's I didn't I didn't think mothers were able to do And I didn't think mothers would do it and then I started to do the pranos too It's what did she start with it's a it's a Obviously an elevated thing. Yeah, she has her own son Murdered almost but my mother will side with whoever is there. Yeah and they express a preference it's easy for them to do they because they know it works it makes you do things that they want you to do or something it makes it causes a result it gives them power they play it's like your parents all they got to do is go but here's the thing bad

mouth their kids here's the thing when you should when you Gary's mister thing when you when you When you when you disagree with them and you call them on their shit You're the asshole. You're the one that makes you're the one you're an asshole. You're not easy to be around Nobody really likes you you you everybody's gonna walk what I heard Everybody's gonna walk on eggshells when you're around no you do because I don't think you get away with fucking doing what you want I say no to you and And that fucking, that fucking aggravates you because you don't get to be, treat me the way you treated me my whole life. I finally stood up and took care of myself and said, no, no, don't do that. Don't do this. No, don't do that. Don't call me that. Don't do this to my wife, don't do this,

and you get, that's walking on edge shells to you, because you don't get to be the fucking asshole, everybody else allows you to be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I moved out when I was 16. I was in jail at 13.

So from 13 to 16, I was in and out of rehabs and foster homes in jails. At 16, I fucking left. I haven't been back since. So from 13, so basically from first to sixth grade, you took care of me. And then I fucking did it my my own. Yeah.

I don't got an allowance. I never got a fucking penny. I didn't get shit. No more shines. You know what I'm saying? So it's 13 it's like I don't know what the fuck I owe you Except you know I sat there and I the three nights before and I I bought all this food and I cooked and I barbecued for everybody And I came and I just said thank you for taking care of my family while I was away

This is what it's all about Sitting down at a table, having some good food and what your family. This is really great. I'm glad I can do this. Four days later, I'll never be back to that house again. It's over. When she came back in and blamed me, you know, she said you're a bully and people have to walk around and egg shells around you. Wow Yeah, but he physically touch me. He physically came in and attacked me in in the house He came in and yelled at me and then physically attacked me I didn't I didn't I didn't do anything to be touched. I didn't do anything to be threatened

Physically physically in front of my fucking kid What the fuck what well you should have known better. Then the fucking, so what do I do? I let him just hit me and wind up in the hospital. I don't know what the next step is after somebody chess pumps me, hits me, whatever the fuck it is. You physically, I don't know, I have to react because every time I didn't before, I wound up hurt. As infuriating as the mother who supports her murdering kid and swears up and down, he didn't do anything.

I'll take that over the mother, undermines me, and takes everybody else's side and say, well, if he's under arrest, he must have done it. Yeah, you know, I had that girl that tried to murder me a few years ago. You did? Yeah, and this guy, when I broke up with know, I had that girl that tried to murder me a few years ago. You did? Yeah. And when I broke up with her, I didn't want to have anything to do with her. She claimed that she had some naked pictures of her. She called my parents house.

She stole the number off the cell phone to begin with. She calls my dad and she goes, look, I don't want any problems. I don't want any, I just want the pictures of myself back. They're a little embarrassing, compromising. You know what I mean. And my dad's like, oh really, okay. And this is a woman who is stalking me at this point. And so he calls me up, he goes, yeah, she says

she's got some pictures. You've got some pictures of hers. I'm like, dad, she's just saying that. I don't have any pictures like, Pat, for real. Really do you have those photos? He would let go of it. Would not let go of it. He just, he thought he won conversation with this girl

and i'm holding that's incredible yeah that's what he thinks it yeah yeah yeah and that i'm gonna like deny it now to him you know what did we do what the fuck did we do to well i don't know what the fact i get that i was all how was your mother raised what kind of support did she get from her parents i don't know my my mother was verbally physically abuse is a nightmare considering what she went through she's a great mother

but she's a great my mother's a great mother to my baby brother and baby sister my step baby brother baby sister and they they really get my sister call me up my older sister who is the same boat as me and said your're you're the only family member I feel comfortable around because you're the only one I don't have to explain what happened wow she says you know what happened and I have nobody in my family like that she said to me she goes I'm sorry I said for what I'm your older sister I should have protected you and I didn't I just protected protected myself. How did that make you feel?

I felt like shit. Really? I felt like shit, but in a good way, but I felt sad because my sister had that on her shoulders and she didn't because I felt the same way. I feel bad that a kid, a fucking kid, has been carrying that around. That affects who you are, that affects your character, that affects the decision you make, that affects what type of people you have, how far you go in this world. Yeah. You understand?

Yeah. If I had people who believed in me, I say that to my wife all the time, I just need one other person to believe me as much as I believe in myself, and I can do everything. Yeah. That's it. You can tell in our profession, the guys, I could tell you exactly what kind of family members they had there. Somebody around them, no matter what they said or did, it was the funniest, the smartest, the brightest.

Here's the thing, too, my wife came in the other night and I don't know what's not that's not true for me. What do you mean? Nobody? Wait what? There was nobody who who championed you or believed in you or thought that your shit was was ice cream or anything? proverbial ice cream? Not mustard. Yeah I mean I guess maybe my dad, you're right. Bingo, you got a dad? Oh, good for you. I got four.

How you doing? Joe, you have a good family? Uh, yeah, I think so. Yeah. You have a good family, and you're still fucked up? Yeah, I mean, my family is fucked up too, and not in the ways that we're talking about right now, though. I don't have any affection for my dad.

You don't have what? I really got any affection for my dad. You don't have what? I never got any affection for my dad. Well look at you. At all. Okay, that's insane. Is it a girl? Is it a boy?

What do I do? It's hard to hug. If I take him shop and do I take him to the baseball field? I'm not a football player. He's birthday, he decorated it. It's, yeah, it's like, all right, my chick came into me the night she goes uh your wife my wife i you know i spent years making her

you know look preparing her for you know because this this a fucking it's me and you that's it it's me you and the kid now that's it our world is this fucking big that's. And then we choose whoever else is in our lives, it's a goddamn privilege that we give them. It really is. It's a fucking privilege. I choose you to be in my family's life. That's it. So if you are, if you abuse that, you're gone because it's, it's, it means something to me. If it doesn't mean something to you, you're gone. Fuck you. You know, because it's very special place to be. I've worked my ass off to create an environment in my house,

like Dan Soda came by a couple of weeks ago, just stopped by using the area, came in, sat down. We all, just a nice, we out my we out my the kid the wife he held the baby we we shot we had a lot of laughs we watched some TV we had some iced tea blah blah blah it's a nice environment it was fun it was cool stop the fuck by I created that that's mine if you're going to be a part of that you have to respect that if if and it goes for your family members to it's okay if you it's okay you know to break off whole pieces of your family and the woman the garbage i totally agree not

i don't think you throw them in the garbage i think you do you it's okay not it's okay to go i'm gonna take a break from you yes you're okay to go back yeah i haven't spoken to my two older brothers in five years well yeah that's great you set a boundary that way you know and now they know like that you teach people how to treat you Yeah, and if you fuck with me, there's gonna be a huge explosion now, you know that step back a little bit and they what they call Walking on eggshells is actually being thoughtful polite and thinking

Underlining or sarcastic or rude or cruel. They don't want to be called on their shit I want to be called on my shit. I want to be called on my shit That's the difference. You know after this whole thing my father's shit your entire life my stepfather who's just a sweet guy really Larry Great guy. He called me the next day. You know all of a sudden it was 99% his fault and 98% his fault eight and two percent my fault I go and 98% in his fall, eight and 2% in my fall. I go, I don't understand. You know, Bob, you know, the other night with your, with Dawn, and you know, I was kind of,

she did something with the kid and I didn't like it. I just, I said, look, I don't like when you do this, I don't know how many fucking times I gotta say it. Don't do this with the kid, it makes me nervous. It was something with the kid, the way he was lying the dogs the dogs that's it i don't want the dogs sitting on the couch near the kids their small dogs i don't want to feed and they'll jump over the kids face and take his eye out by accident i have a scratch cornea from from uh... ten years ago when kelby just ran at my face to get a toy that was

behind me and hit my eye and it still fucks with me to this day. I don't want my kid to have some dead gray eye baby because fucking Kelbee was trying to get a fucking piece of bacon. You know what I mean? Keep your dogs away from people. Yeah, that's a common courtesy. Keep my dogs, get the dogs away from the baby. Do not, and she's sitting there with two dogs right around. I'm like, Don, what the fuck, how many fucking, all right, so you don't listen to me

because that is assigned to disrespect. When you say yes and continually do what you said you wouldn't do, it's assigned to me of disrespect. And the reason why you do it is those no consequence. There's no consequence. You say yes, you do it again. I say don't do it, you do it is those no consequence. There's no consequence. You say yes, you do it again. I say don't do it, you do it again. What happens?

Well, she disagrees with you, but she's not telling you that she disagrees with you. No, she does agree with me. The fact is, is that it's like, I got mad. And then he brought this up as it was like, that made me uncomfortable. You know, okay, I agree with you. I don't want to talk, I shouldn't have talked to Don

like that in front of you. Absolutely. I agree, you're right. But that has nothing to do with you. I don't want to talk, I shouldn't have talked to Don like that in front of you. Yeah. Absolutely. I agree. You're right. But that has nothing to do with nothing to fucking do. Do not, I was like, are you kidding me? You're giving me 2% of physical violence? Larry. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's you. We need to just go. Hey man, look, I did that made you uncomfortable. Sorry. This is our private business. So the conversation is over and that's it. Yeah, look you know what? But I here's the thing is I owned it. I was like, you know what you're right?

I've worked on that with Alan. I need to not talk the tone that I have. I have a tone problem. Seriously, some some was like I had a girl the other day said something and I went, what? She went, oh my god, I go look, I have a tone problem. I just don't, I'm used to going to watch my whole life. What? I have to learn to say, excuse me, it's just the way I am. I have a tone problem. I'm not going to be a bust in things.

It might be, it might be something where I grew up, it might be just the way, but I'm working on that. You know what I mean? I do have, I'll agree with that Bring it on I'll own my shit. Yeah, you will not get me On saying that I do something if I am wrong. I will admit it You can't get me on that because I am I want to be healthy I don't I'm not gonna sit here and try to be an unhealthy person to teach you a fucking lesson I don't want my kid to grow up

Like I grew up. I want him to have a I want him to have self-esteem I want him to like himself no matter what I will not I will try my best Which I know I hope I don't fail but I know I'll fail in some way I want to try my best to let him love himself and so that he can know that no matter what he does he can come to me and i am there for him i'll do my best to do that and i don't know if it's gonna work out but that's my goal i'm i'm i don't know what the fuck's gonna happen but that's my goal to let him know that he can always count on me

at least you are you're trying do you think our parents ever want to uh... try to figure out how to raise you know what therapy is for that that on me. At least you are trying. Do you think our parents ever want to therapy to try to figure out how to raise your kids? You know what therapy is for that generation? Can we just forget about it? You have to talk about it all the time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Soft. Yeah. Why do we have to bring money? Why do you have to bring that up? Don't you act at all up? You live in the past. Really? Yeah. I live in this shit, the shit past that I can't let go of because it haunts me. It weighs on me every day. Because I don't know how to make a fucking decision in my life, because I'm fucked up,

and I never had guidance. Yeah. So you second-guess yourself. Yeah. Israel gets you as you're a perfect dad to your son, and then he like starts being a dick to you for some reason, and then you're like, why are you being a dick to me?

I've been a perfect dad. Yeah, that might be where you have a conflict. Well, not only that, but whose dogs are they? This guy's dogs. They're my dogs. Oh, they're your dogs. Yeah, there are dogs. Oh, okay. Don't let the dogs on the fucking bed. Don't let the dogs on the couch. No, the baby. That's my rule. Because I don't want I don't want to look. I don't want to. I don't I know that he's going to things are going to happen. I know you can't live a perfect life, but I don't wanna, I just don't want it to happen. I don't really mad at the dog for being,

for nothing he did, it's our fault. Everything is our fault. If the dog hurts the baby, it's our fault, because we let the dogs on the fucking near the baby. You know what I mean, that's the thing. But when you let the dogs out. Oh, oh, oh, oh. But when you hear a guy like, you know,

it's like explaining to his wife the way things need to be, that's when you need to step off. That's none of your business. Well? None of your business. Don't care if your family or whatever shut up. I let that work itself out. To the point of what you're not grabbing her by the collar.

So funny though, my mother's screaming at him the next day. You know, where the, where were you? Where were you? I, you know, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I from but? Notice what I did you're right. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to talk to my wife in that way I want to be able to look there should be a consequence you did that again and you know what? I'm done with this. I'm gonna I'm taking over if I see you with the baby and the dogs I'm taking the baby away from you and I'm because I'm not having this and then she's that That's a consequence because she's gonna have to deal. What are you doing? I'm because I'm not having this. And then she that that's a consequence because she's gonna have to deal. What are you doing? I'm taking the baby to look what you did. Oh,

I fucked up. Deal with it. You know what I mean? My wife is in an asshole. My wife, she, you know, she apologized for the key thing. She got it. She understood it. She's passive aggressive, but she understands why. She had a bad life too. She had older brothers. She learned to be passive aggressive because she couldn't be aggressive because she was a girl. You understand? Yeah.

So we're kind of conflicting with each other, but she gets it and she'll admit it and we'll talk about it. But I don't wanna, I don't want to do it I don't want to argue in front of my baby. I don't want to have toned in front of my kid and those are decisions you make and that's stuff I learned from people, but that's something to aspire to aspire to Bob Kelly with a big word. I know It is as it means to

Aspire at least you tried Well, look, I know I'm not gonna be the Perfect dad I get it. Yeah, well the passive aggressive girls are bad because when you meet him at first They just seem really agreeable. Yeah, they're on you figure out. Oh, you're fucking with me intentionally. I got it Yeah, you the the eye roll Look, you know, what what he'd why you doing this uh... you mother fucker i go look i don't snap on people to snap on people i'm not fucking a lunatic

when i snap it's because somebody did something to me i'm defending myself yes it's the wrong way i do the wrong thing when i i don't need to defend myself all the time. But that's a reaction to something that was done to me that I don't think was just. Okay? So what the fuck did you do? First, let's start with what you did to make me do this. Let's just go back before me.

Yes, what I said, when I called you an asshole in public in front of the Thai restaurant with a baby carriage and a baby and a crime, that was wrong. Yeah. In front of a Thai restaurant. Yeah. A whole bunch of places. Ha, ha, ha. Okay, but what did you do before that? Okay, let's deal with that.

Let's start there. I'll admit that I'm wrong down here, but But what let's start here and then get to me and let's fix it all you too. You know what I mean? It's a it's a It's a fuck it's just it Who the fuck is that sounds like that's home? That's The to Merity. Wow, what a word. This is not your podcast That's the Tamedi this is not your podcast

He just said he used the word to Merity on my show that Mike works. We were just talking about the frustration of You know of you know too. I mean being married and the the fights and the fucking I just you know the arguments but also You know family, it's okay, not because they're family, they still have to deserve to be in your life. Just because their family doesn't mean they can treat you like shit. Just because their family doesn't mean they can walk

all over you at this stage of the game, you can say, I'm going to talk to you anymore. Even though you're a family, I'm going to, you're done. I'm taking a break. That's okay. Yeah, I think it, well, yeah, it's a tough call. It's a tough call, but I think it's, it's a hard thing to do because it fades easy with family. The anger and the frustration goes away real quick because you want to go back to the barbecues and the picnics and the fucking Christmases and you want your your your your your your your your son to have a grandma. Yep You do you of course

But you gonna understand that he'll be alright without one too. Yeah, you know what I mean? Maybe what kind of grandmother is your mother, huh? What kind of grandmother is your mother? I don't know Does she have a tone problem? I don't know. Does she have a tone problem? I do. I was telling her I have a tone problem. You have a tone problem. Yeah, I do. I do. I don't know that Robert is. What? Oh, sorry.

Kelly knows it better than anybody. But yeah, it's, I don't know how she would, I mean, she was cool when I was there. But you know, it's, it's the little things. Like I said, it's the things that you I don't know how she would, I mean, she was cool when I was there, but, you know, it's, it's the little things. Like I said, it's the things that you say, you know, like I said, I'm, I'm a, I'm a bully to my mother because I say don't, I don't let her get away with her shit. Yeah. Don't, I don't want you feeding the kid, the bottle's empty. Don't do that. Give him the pacifier because he sucking air i just bet i spent uh... ten extra dollars on these bottles

because they don't put air into the key and i give gas drops and all the stuff because the kid has gas problems i don't know you just letting him suck on air which is fucking just fucking everything that we've done for the last two i don't do that he's fine no that's not the response the responses who what am i doing well that. He's fine, no, that's not the response. The response is, ooh, what am I doing? Well, that's because I don't wanna give him gas. I'm sorry, where's the past, what do I do?

Well, don't ever expect your mother to respect your boundaries. Never, never. That's not what they do, never. Why? Cause I don't know, they're used to it. Could it have done it before? And I think they know better.

Cause they wiped your ass, they think that gives them a ticket to say anything forever. But don't get it i don't get it it's like look i'm forty fucking two this is my kid i you have to respect what i how i want to raise him a feed him a chain whatever they're setting their ways and they're arrogant these mothers they're not they're not focused on shit like boundaries you know i mean that doesn't occur to them they don't know what a boundary is if you said like you don't respect boundary what yeah you know they don't get it

you're the only way you're gonna be happy with her in your life as if you're like okay these are the shitty things about my mom yeah and i'm gonna just accept those shitty things i i've tried i have i honestly that an age where you could change the my mother's eighty years old there's no there's no my mother's 60. There's no changing really Dude at 50 or 40 there's no changing them not that generation that generation does not change that Generation forgets and moves on and accepts that's it So we just throw up our hands and we accept it

Do a look you know what she said to me one day and it made sense to me she goes I don't know why you try. I'm never gonna change. Wow. That's what she said. She whizma I'm a hook and change. I think we can I think you have you have in the last you've Went from you went you went from I can change you can change we all can change You can all change About change it's hard Adrian. Yeah, it's hard. That's why they call it hard but you've done it You've done it you fucking done it you were the man who said do not get married You're a fool for getting married you're the man who said you're a fool for having a kid do not do this now

You're married with two kids No, I said you should not Now you're married with two kids. No, I said you should not get that. I believe people do change. You have changed. You're not the same guy you were when I first met you 10 years ago. You're long before when I first met you. I don't even think you knew my name.

You're a huge shy. You haven't seen. You're more outgoing. You haven't changed. No, now that I know you. Yeah, but you're a better guy. You're a better person. You're a better person You're a more you're more open emotionally than you used to be yeah, we're seeing it from the outside

I saw you cry you're just you're missing turbid You what you're what you feeling as as change is just the fact that I've gotten comfortable with you guys So are you comfortable? I've evolved you have evolved you've evolved you're not the same idiot used to be I mean unless this stuff you're doing in the back room that we don't know about It's two kinds of change one is whatever change that happens is you get older for wisdom and age and the change in your Brain cells that'll change right no just the change people do changes they get older for sure But you're talking about though is actually a conscious decision to change your personality in some way I think you do I don't know I think I think I think very slight. I don't think it change your personality in some way. I think you do. I don't know. I think it's possible.

I think it's very slight. I don't think it's your personality. I don't think your personality and traits, behaviors, are two different things. Behaviors that you've created over the years to protect yourself has nothing to do with who you are. I think that you can change these behaviors, these defense mechanisms, you can with who you are. I think that you can change these behaviors, these defense mechanisms, you can change.

Who you are at the core, your personality is something different, okay? The bad things about you aren't necessarily part of you, okay? And look at, I used to drink, I used to drug, I've changed that. I used to smoke two packs a day, I've changed that. I used to drink I used to drug I've changed that I used to smoke two packs a day I've changed that I used to be more angry. I used to get in a fight. So I've changed that I don't forget physical as much not as much. Well, I don't I'm gonna fight in 10 years You know what I mean? I react to somebody touching me, but I don't I would never I would never think

20 years ago that would be the fuck what the fuck fuck you now it's it's not I would never even imagine doing that so so then maybe the only way your parents will ever change is by something kind of what you doing when the son when their child finally says that's it I'm done with you. You're consequence. Yeah. Consequence. Consequence. I hope so. They're countercons. but maybe not too and it's that's I think both things are okay yeah I think that if you know like I feel some sense of relief I feel freedom you know my mother is it why don't you just come home just come home come home forget about this

just come home and cut here with me live get the house next door but mom I'm trying to become a stand-up community and I have a dream. I think I can achieve it. I think I can do it. I think I can become a Real comic just Mark you stop saying that years years fucking years Which really all that means is I don't really believe you can do it Yeah, that's all that and then it gets the point worse way of saying that then it gets the point where it's like look Can you not say that anymore because it fucks with me because it makes me know that you don't believe I believe Look at all the stuff. I have I tell everybody how that's not what I'm talking about you're telling me to give up Two weeks ago. I'm home. We've had this conversation.

Don't do that. I don't want to hear it. I don't care what you, I don't care the reason, don't do it. I don't want to hear it. I'm sitting there. Why don't you just come home? Oh my God. And to my head, I just went, eh, all right.

There you go. I can't engage that because it's lunacy. I can engage you in an argument if you say something fucked up to me because I know you care, I know you care about our friendship enough to work through it in an honest way. That whether a day from now or that second or weeks, you'll actually go, I fucked up. You'll own what you do. I know that you'll do the same thing. I've done it. Like I said before, you can't fuck with me because I will own my shit I will I will be as honest as I possibly can for me not for you because I can't lie to

myself if I know I fucked up I have to say sorry for me because I'm trying to be this type of person I'm not trying to be the old me I'm trying to be this new me and that's the bullshit that I used to do but you can't do I won't engage you my mom I won't even do it. I'm done She says why don't you just move home? I'm just like I would hate that that'd be the worst thing I ever did I would regret it every moment that I was over there and I'm never gonna do that because I don't want to live next door Okay, so I Read it. I do you want to regress is 42 years old you out of your wife. Here's the thing. Thank you. Then I would get what?

Here's the thing that I would get what that advice what his vice is bad. It's very direct communication is escalated. No, that's good. I'll tell you what you can never bring it up again. You do not engage. Yeah, she will. I will. I will.

This is what it is. She enjoys making you angry. Here's the thing. Ready? Uh-huh. If I did that with her, I would be like, I would hear from everybody. Why did you say that to mom?

Why did you say that? But here's the thing. I learned, believe me, I've done like, I would hear from everybody. Why did you say that to mom? Why did you say that? But here's the thing. I learned, believe me, I've done it all. I've had those, I've said it. What you don't engage. If you engage, if you engage with that type of person, you will never win. You will never, ever, ever win.

Because there's always a way out if they're not dealing in the truth. If they're not in reality, they're, you'll never, there's always a back door. There's no back door for me. If you're actually gonna be honest about what you did wrong or what they did,

if you're really coming from your heart psychologically from a healthy place, sometimes there's no back door. You just got in, I fucked up. What I did was wrong. That's it. You understand? When people like that don't do that.

There's always a way out. And they'll never. Well, you're not trying to win. You say you can't win, but you're not trying to win. You're just saying what you want. You're saying what they want. You say what you want. You're mad at her because beyond your control.

They don't have to be mad at that. That's for what you want. That's for what you want you mad at her because beyond your control. Yeah, they don't be mad at that What you want? Yeah, that's for what you want. Here's the thing this today We're we all go to therapy and the therapist has been going for the month We haven't had therapy three weeks. We're all fucking Yeah, you go to Alan too. Are you how you're doing? Oh? You're dying I feel bad. He's just sitting over there I don't know what's huh? What is so great about Alan? I'll tell you what's great about Alan. He's one of us and The thing is he doesn't he doesn't he's not trying to change you. He's helping you change you

He's guiding you along and he's reparenting and he doesn't he doesn't let you get away with your bullshit If you say something stupid, but he'll be like that stupid, but he also I've called him I've said you're a fucking idiot What you just said was wrong your stupid that's wrong and he went all right Well, maybe I was wrong and he'll admit it. I'm like good fucking remember that You know because I was right once in here. Yeah, I'm gonna move it. It's more of. It's more of a place where you can go and be 100% honest with another human being, where it's neutral. It will not affect your life. You can't be 100% honest as your wife.

You can't. I'm not even 80%. We introduced Nome to the podcast yet. Friend and colleague. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha which is one of the best podcasts out there. Sleeper. In the Riotcast family. Unfuckin' believable show. I mean, every time I listen to it, it's just funny and insightful and interesting. It's a star in the Riotcast galaxy.

Really is. If you like this show, I'm almost afraid to tell people to go to his show because I don't want his show to be. I don't want his show to be beat mine. All right show to be beat mine. But I think it is unbelievable. Yeah, go ahead. Is any answer is you just have to let this roll off your back. You're not going to change. I am.

I'm for you. You're going to talk to me. You're not going to sit it on your mother's a flawed individual. I don't know the detail too, but no, but I'm saying a just a sketchy outline of your background obviously Your mother was not the the ideal parents certain ways and she's not gonna change it this matter of life and you put you you have Mothers have a tremendous emotional effect on children. You need your mother and and just got what it? Learned off your back. That's why she said I what else can you do? Just go why? I have a talk to her and I'm okay with that.

Am I right with that? I think she's okay. I think they're okay with it too. You understand my, did you tell the whole story about what happened? Basically, because part of that is unforgettable. Yeah, what? The pushing, the touching, the physical touching?

No, that, she blamed me. Yeah, that, that's, that, I don't see. That would be very hard to roll off yeah yeah but the other stuff about her to come home yeah I understand that but that's well that's what my wife said we're out of here and when my wife when my wife that's a great feeling that your wife my wife my wife make peace my wife looked to be when my mother said maybe because you're you're you're people are gonna walk on eggshells around you Like gave him an excuse for doing what he did. That's what my wife said. We're out of here good

We packed I never and don't listen don is a level headed broad. Yeah, okay. She but a broad She she you know, I'm saying but when she went we're out of here But but can I tell you what an exciting thing that you have a wife that you have a partner is who supports you like that i've never had anybody do that ever my baby stuck his fist up like this like the black people at the Olympics 1968 that was uh... seminal moment and then he shit his pants that's actually uh... it's actually that's sign language for potty time did you know that

i'm not joking and i wish you work with the fucking brought everything was reaching hot that's how it's out okay but i mean it's very close to the to the to the that the only best duke

that she that look at up google it actually that i potty time it wasn't black i hate to take a well i think that i think you're right that's a hard but here's a deal I potty time. Yeah, it wasn't it wasn't black power. I hate it. Take a Well, I think that I think you're right. That's a hard one. But here's a deal. We left we have them in back I don't really have any anger. You know what I mean? I don't have any fucking anger. You got to go

Okay, great great um i know we get along with the power i couldn't get along with my father and he was a great man and he was uh... he was a thoughtful person i loved your father i know everybody did i think but we suffice crazy like yeah but you guys are very strong personalities both you guys the same person i mean you know it's look i i just like boundaries he didn't please why do you walk in when you're jerking off dead yeah but i'm not he just just like boundaries come in slamming the door, using words like,

to merit-y and shit. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What do you mean he didn't respect boundaries? I'm not gonna talk about it, but he didn't exist for him. Right. Yeah.

Look, I understand it. I look and I just, if I'm the problem, like you're saying, everybody's saying over there, you have the problem, people gonna walk around in eggshells, but I'll not be there, so you won't have a problem. So now if there's still a problem, like you're saying, everybody's saying over there, you have the problem, people gonna walk around the next shelf, but I'll not be there, so you won't have a problem. So now if there's still a problem, it's on you.

Do you understand? I'm gone. I'm gonna go take, I have a big huge responsibility right now. I'm the breadwinner. I have a fucking baby and a wife. I'm trying to get a new home. I'm trying to give them a better life, I have a responsibility that it's bigger than all this bullshit. I can't risk being hurt

over a conversation or somebody's- How much could you make cutting here? A lot more. No, no, no, no. What if I was a natural hair cutter what if that was my actual path like i was just amazing at cutting hair and then and i just did it for shits and giggles and then five years from now i was like fucking vdell sassong

i was like paul michael i don't think you're gonna be like why don't you go make the comedy pick up that shit i wish you were still doing comedy bob kelly Why don't you go to the comedy? I wish you were still doing comedy. Bob Kelly, conditioner by Ava Pooey. Now is your mother a hairdresser? Yeah. Maybe she just wanted you to be a hairdresser.

I don't. I don't. That would be such a cruel thing for mother to do. I say it'd be nice to have an entertaining hairdresser because sometimes you get the most boring small talk when you go to the haircut. All right. Where are you from? dresser because sometimes you get the most boring small talk when you go to the haircut. Where are you from?

What do you do? I want a Bobby Kelly cut my hair. It gets right to it. Do they want to get anything done though? Because it would be way more arms around than me and man. But then you have a very soothing voice. I wish it was funny, but you have a very soothing voice, I wish it was funny, but you have a very soothing voice.

I hit you bomb. I wish that too. Well, I think that, and look, Alan's coming back, thank God, in a couple of weeks. Thank God. This motherfucker is coming back. You should go to Alan. You should go.

I know. You should go down you should go you should go you i think you need to go because you need a car you need uh... a focal point once a week that you know you can get to and let it all also alan will be able to put a face with the name yeah we all trash are you walking there is he does look like that.

I'm not going to go. Why? I don't. I don't go for a month. I'll set it up. You pay for it. You should go for a month. I think everybody can do for a month. I'm going to set it up.

What day would it be good for? Through Matt Reese. What day would you be good for you? Tuesday, what time? Tuesday before the podcast like four o'clock, four o'clock, Tuesdays. I'm going to set that up. He's going to be the guy I walk out to. You're going to be in the lobby when I come walking out. I'll know if you go. Yeah, well, I'm going to do it. I'm going to set it up for you. I think you could definitely use it right now. You need a friend like a constant friend

You need a neutral Family member who who gets onto your skin and my mother-in-law, yeah, okay How do you I didn't push the button what the hell is it? A podcast what is it the brisk? How do you I didn't push the button what the hell is it? What a pot podcast what is it the brisk? Fucking best brisk ever brisk brisk but I don't need therapy my doing my mother long. I mean is it not I think it would know I don't think it would be I don't I don't think it would I don't think it would be bad for you

I think it'd be good for you. I think it would be good cuz you this you're a little leave If she's gonna undermine you in your own home, I tell it'll leave be wrong I can't hold a leave how you can that's what you do You don't stick up for yourself. You let these people walk over you these Puerto Ricans Yeah, I grew up with them in the east and the east village they took over everything I used to have to fight them off with sticks and whiffleball bats They hurt when they're wet Why would football bat? I think he lost some practice. It's just highly in there. They hurt when they wet. That's true.

That's true. Look, it is. I want to go on the cell. You know, my friend Bob, he's drinking again. I'm not supposed to tell anybody. Just a little disinformation. That's such a fucking bad thing to do. It'd be like the greatest practical joke ever.

Bobby, you guys have me tell me. You can see. I was pretty glad that I ever. Bob, do you guys ever can see? That's pretty good. So I spreading little, little drop little things about you. We should all do that about each other one week. We should all just be like, yeah, Pat Dixon, I mean, I saw him rape a girl.

I told me not to tell anyone. Like, he told me it was rape. He said it was a fetish, but the girl, she was crying blood. I like that we go, yeah, and we find to do little little little things like that little things and then you immediately go rape a Queues patented of rape You know little things that would be the funny part Joe My my their business. Hang on. Let me let me do the let me let me be literal

You know, just say Joe stole some candy Not as funny owners don't need there. I don't think you were intending to me. Rap is not overboard. No, I know, but I think. Well, you'll never prove it. So go fuck yourself. He just looked at me and thought, like, what am I? What would this guy do?

That's it. It's for rape. I might there be so awesome because I was bitching about someone and she's like, oh, the show is over, guys. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I was bitching about someone that she's like all right so the show is over guys. I got I'm kidding I'm kidding she was bitching about someone that gives me a hard time and that person goes. Oh that person yet I got a lot of people to talk about that person their piece of shit What and she backed me up because a few people have spoken to her about this person and they were talking about you Jim

This is that make you nervous to all have the same Yeah, it's so crazy to me. I Isn't that like you nervous to all have the same therapist? It's so crazy to me. I don't think therapy, here's the therapy to me. Therapy is a neutral place where you can be 100% honest with another human being. It's almost like a 10th step. So you gotta go in and admit your shortcomings,

okay, on a daily basis, too, so you're not living with the darkness. You're actually, all right, I went i i hunted down these hookers on the internet and i watched this fucked up point i felt fucked i i i i don't want to do that shit and you can let something like that out where you if i tell you it might come back where you might i think the idea that it's all the same people i mean people go to group therapy and it's very effective and you're you're sharing in that. I just I just think I don't understand

people like we have one friend who's resisting it because it doesn't want to see all the other comedians. You know, never go, but it's just it's a silly thing. If anything, that means that you're too closed off and you should be more open. You're secrets. You're hard on him. You were hard on him. It's to him. It's private. I was hard on him. You were that maybe. Do I know this person? Yeah, yeah, what's their initials? No His initials of no No Nancy or a gummy

Well, I think look are you been to couples therapy? I can't do that you can't do there because my here's a deal If a woman cries, I'm already I'm done. I'm wrong my wife went we went woman cries, I'm already, I'm done. I'm wrong. My wife went, we went five seconds in, she started crying. What are you, what is Robert to that? I'm fucking, you fucking Alan, fuck this, I'm out enough with you, you go by yourself, fuck, go by myself, because I can't connect to that emotion. If I could go, well, you do this to me too. And we were both fucking whimpering. It would be even. But I keep, you know what I mean? I'm, I could go, well you do this to me too! And we were both fucking whimpering, it would be even. But I keep, you know what I mean? I get mad, I'm like, wait a minute, you motherfucker.

I loved Couples Therapy. You did, because the therapist always took my side. Yeah, I had that too, and it's like you know they're going to, because you're usually right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so like, I tell you what's going on in my wife. Couples therapy, we went like three sessions, and this is not the current girl I'm with a different one.

The one that's trying to murder you? It's no different not different one and she was like I thought it was going great She was like every she's making points. She's learning like this is how you're fucking up, you know And then like on the last time she's like so are you getting anything out of this? Oh my god. It's great She asked the girl are you getting anything? I'm like I don't know your ways is going at all next week came in and the lady was a con I couldn't do anything right She just went on the attack well that's it was her primary therapist and she'd want to lose the business that doesn't talk my story the last time we went to couples therapy the therapist said to me you know you really to me says you really do seem very stressed about this I studied reflexology

and she started to give me a foot massage in front of my wife is that that's it we're out of here where is she I want to go to her I. That's where she I want to go to her. I really have what's that? I want to go to her. I'll get you a number. Oh my god. That really happened. Hand release. All right. Well listen, that's fucking just stupid. What a I think that's in a book. Do not physically give foot massage. You guys just make eye contact when she did that. If you take your sock off, I was even uncomfortable about it. Yeah, and that's because you had to put a pillow over your junk as you kept getting hard. You can write that up on an angi's list just in case. An angi's list. I'm fucking an angi's list. Well, you know, I do think people can change.

And I'm glad, look, everybody in this room, I don't know Joe that well, but I know everybody else. Bob, you've known me for 19 years, have I changed? You've changed. Two more ways. Yeah, I think that you're a healthier person because you're more aware of your flaws. No, no, that's not specific.

If I met the old Gary, if you let me finish, I would have been specific. No, you're not, but you're not, you're gonna be like the mumbo jumbo battle. That's the old Gary like. I would, no, I'm not, first of all, you're the, I'm the last guy to be mumbo jumbo motherfucker. What would, how would you be? I would have a podcast called you know what dude? How was the old Gary different than the new Gary?

The old I'll tell you the old Gary would shut down and go away and not deal with it. All right. There was either Rage that just fucking came out and he'll kill you or you won't hear from him for two years came out and he'll kill you or you won't hear from him for two years do you understand the new gary will literally right on the spot on his shit apologize uh... immediately i could say to gary gary i i snapped a me and i said dude relax and he goes i'm sorry i this is what happened i am misunderstood what you said

and i took it too far, I apologize immediately. The old guy would never do that. He would hold, he would either fucking snap or hold a grudge that you'd never know about. And then years later, you know that one time we were together, you did this and that, there's a list. You had a fucking list, a Gary Gullman list. And if you go down that list, you were fucking,

you weren't getting off the list. It's fucking like Santa Claus you is it is he accurate yeah you don't have a list anymore he still has a list it's a smaller list so can I ask you a question about that yeah have you like do feel less rage or do you just now control like an alcoholic I guess still wants to drink every day but he learns to control It doesn't drink doesn't not want to drink you not feel the rage anymore because that to me would be change I don't feel a rage anymore or have you just learned to control it? It's a chronic condition and you're controlling it. I really get the rage

But also like Bobby said I would I would keep track of the the slights and the things that angered me, and I would tell nobody, and just be like Travis Bickel in my, planning my revenge. And now I would say things with some of these persons, or at least share it with another person, and get, for instance, when Bobby and I were up in Montreal, I had some insecurities, and I didn't keep it to myself, and I discussed it, and that was huge.

Just gone. Then we had a good time. I would try to keep it from Bobbi, because I didn't want him to see me as weak or show emotion or anything like that. And I'm actually interested in asking I asked another question. Absolutely. And these issues were actually interested in this. Can I ask another question? Absolutely.

And these issues were, were you able to recognize these as issues about yourself that you wanted to change and so youth thought therapy to hand to help you with these particular issues? I think it was the byproduct of me going to therapy because I was so depressed and sad and had such low self esteem and then he built me back up or built me up to where I understood where the anger and everything was turning it inside on me. I was using myself worse than anybody else. The rage was really turned on on me.

Yeah, you have forced yourself to deal with yourself once a week at least yeah at least Where if you don't have that You're just on your own and you can go months without dealing with yourself Yeah, and the other thing is to learn that the people around you Can be wrong. I thought my parents my family. They were ideal. They were perfect I was the fuck up. And then I shared these stories with Alan and he's like, these people are lunatics. Yeah.

I felt the same way. I felt the same way. I was like, oh my God, I have to change. I have to change. Wait a minute. They're not, it's them too. They have a problem. It's not always me. All my life, it's been me. Yes, I fucked up, but I've done things to protect myself. I've learned this behavior to protect myself as a little kid, as a child, as a teenager, as a 20 year old, a 30 year old. And now here I am, I've been trying to deal with this stuff. I don't have to behave this way. Like you said to me the other day, you don't have, it's a decision. That's change. That's fucking change. So when you say to people change, apps are fucking

lootly and it's the people you surround yourself with. I pride myself on the friends that I have are healthy people. The fact that Joe leaves me amazing messages about his sobriety and how good he feels about his life. Yeah, he does that. Yeah, and it makes, but here's the thing is it makes me feel good about my life. The fact that me and Gary, you can walk into there and see, I want to, I want to get closer as friends. Yeah.

The fact that I can call you up and you can give me sage advice about my family and, and, and relationships because you've been through it. See. Not because, you know what I mean? Well, I'm just trying to talk his talk. You know what I mean? Did you see the thing hanging the wall? You know, I mean, even Pat. The, the, the, the, Pat. Pat?

I don't know you as well as I know these other guys, but I relate to you and I, and it makes me feel good that they're, that there's somebody out there with the same issues as me. When we went to that show together and i found out that you're recovering it made me feel good that you're there to yeah i got the same shit as you do it's a mangers same frustration you know i'm not as large or gary or you and you know so man uh... yeah i don't have to use a knife

yeah i have to use a knife i have to weapons i have to you know and then and then and then someone's reputation. And Joe Zimmerman. I just get attacked. He was here too. I got attacked, which is fucked up too. I'm just kidding. It's part of it because your comedians, I mean, it's like a,

it's like a quick sand of assurance. Like you can never, even if you're a musician, like you can tell, no, I'm really talented at this. The comedy is so, you never know if you're gonna make it and you don't know.

You go one night in front of the audience, they laugh. Next time they don't laugh. You don't know if you're funny or if you're not funny. I think you know if you're wasting your time. Well I mean, you know that you're funny, but you need that more some of the proof all the time. How funny. It's hard to gauge.

I think it's hard to gauge. I don't know. When I compare to basketball a lot, I could watch somebody dribble a basketball, shoot one shot and I'm like, that guy's a basketball player. I can watch a guy get on stage, grab the microphone out of the stand, say one line, I'm like, this guy's a comedian. Whether he's brilliant or not, the audience can tell they feel safe for whatever, but yeah, I can. So there's never an insecurity like should I be is it you gonna go right?

I'm gonna just pan out from me like an old wake up 10 years for now saying this was well depends on what you consider panning Joe Joe's Zimmer is gonna go Joe thanks for coming on I'm sorry that it was it was it look at man it's so funny that this podcast was this intense beautifully sweet but I look at, it's fine.

That's sometimes, like I said, this podcast goes where it goes. There's no topics. This is a very funny first podcast. Very funny, though. For you. He's like, this show is so funny. For a real riot. For a guy like him, if he was more like Lewis, he might have been a better, a better

more, but for a guy like you you're very quiet It's it was a fucking weird show for you to come on. Yeah, but not having Lewis here didn't let that's why this was that would happen Because Lewis would have stopped it. Yeah, I know that's sure Lewis. Well, what the fuck? Fags They're a fuck therapy, but I enjoyed it. You need to apologize to me. I think yeah, I'm glad you're in the apologize We were just pointing out He said I'm sorry. I'm glad you're in the apologize. We were just pointing out I'm sorry I appreciate coming on what do you watch your plugs? I mean stuff website shows Twitter. What do you want to plug? Twitter comm slash Joe Zimmerman right?

Very funny guy very funny guy on Twitter, hilarious comedian, make sure you check him out. Follow him on Twitter. Thanks for sitting in with us. We'll have you back on a couple weeks. All right, thank you. I look forward to it. Let's, I gotta wrap this up.

I gotta go do the Tom Papa show. Hey, Robert, I know you're busy. I know that this is your podcast. I have to break in for a second, because I want to talk about this, the New York City Crime Report. It's the show that I do it's the i think it's the bad part best podcast no offense president company excluded you and

no but i think it's the but it's it's it's actually got you say there's no topic here if you want something but that does have a topic it's all new york city all new york city crime so it's all the best when i'm when a guy like sets a woman on fire in an elevator or uh yeah because of voodoo a woman abuses a kid or it sounds like a cigar movie. It's a ring of robberies and stuff like that. There's nothing but a lot of like. What if it falls off a balcony on the first date?

Did you just say that? Exactly. Yeah, fell off the 57th floor, whatever it was. Yeah, on a first date, which the guy obviously won't be calling them. Are we going to actually do your podcast now? I was just talking about New York City Crime Report. Yeah, please. New York City Crime Report.

Go check it out. Where is it at at the committee radio dot com and also free on itunes for make sure you check it out pat xenna's one of the most interesting and funny guys i know tremendously talented very funny motherfucker but all of this interesting to which is which i love i love it is one of my favorites out there uh... joe what do you got

uh... just uh... at joe list comedy on twitter and korean joe list and uh... he's also has a shitty barbecues and picnics at uh... you you can come uh... the worst picnic ever at a well dot com got carried kelly did you love my picnic i i actually had a good time Rebecca Trent from the Creek in the cave came and brought a whole bunch of tacos for everybody.

What the fuck was that? An hour after you left. That fucking love Rebecca and I love tacos. I miss Gary. You know what you're shriek. It was like a fucking a practical practical joke this i'll be with the two of you have a good taste but i've got better later later in the day is like a black picnic yeah well uh... uh... pic next should be decent throughout i don't know how to get a good at what do you know my my special that was on comedy central

no can defend no it's it's called uh... that was the album sorry it's called uh was the album. Sorry. It's called in this economy Yeah, is it going to be on Netflix starting September 1st? Yeah, all right. So I think it's instant. You'll be able to watch it and it's It's a big coup from that's a big deal. I opened that show. I was there. I started live big deal It was amazing. It was amazing tremendous awesome. Make sure you check that out Kelly What do you got Twitter KELL why if I see you see I and on the belly and we have a new intern in the studio Rory's going back to school our new intern is Chris

Chris what motherfucker? Scobo Chris Scobo why what happened? yeah go ahead oh Kelly didn't fly what happened? my wife just calls yeah she sounds upset right and it's The sentence starts high. I just went on Facebook and found out oh god And and what it was was nothing. I mean, well it was something. It was a guy who used to work in the Alchemy who just hung himself and she couldn't she's I just found out he was okay, which is awful terrible, but you made it about you I don't know I just are I saw a little thin black baby with your hair and fucking lips found out

Anyways, all right guys this this show I mean this was pretty intense. I think right Joe very intense. Yeah, very intense, but I liked it It was fun. It's great. We needed it because we haven't had therapy all month. Yeah Yeah, I think this is this is the highest percentage of you Talking in the podcast and I loved it enjoyed it. Yeah, this is usually you're about 11% of the podcast This is you're like 90s. Yeah, this week you were Island. It was a flip.

I think that... I think you feel better now that you spoke about it. I think here's a deal. I think that we all, I think it's all right. It's okay to set boundaries. It's okay not to talk to your family. It's okay to recover from things. It's okay not to engage

And I think we do change. I think you can change. I think you can make decisions and boundaries in your life to become Not the person. I think you are who you are But I think you can make decisions healthier decisions in your life I'll see you later now To become a better to become a better person, I guess you would say it that way. I think we all have the ability to change. It's just that the only way you do change usually is through pain. Yeah, but it's the work.

You have to work through pain, which gives you awareness, which gives you the willingness to do it. The only way that you're gonna better your life is through some type of tragedy, through some type of pain, through some type of tragedy through some type of pain through some type of It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt. You don't I don't think the the true change comes Easy and sometimes you know, it's okay to go through this stuff

Your world becomes smaller as you get older your friends Become thicker and better as you get older. And I think the people in your family, the ones that are your family, that circle becomes a little smaller too. As you start your own family, as you get a kid, as you fall in love and you get your own house, someday you're gonna have to have your own Christmas tree.

Someday you're not getting your own to your mom. You're someday you're gonna have to buy your own Christmas tree Someday you're gonna use some day not to get in the home to your mom You some day you're gonna have to buy your own tree and put presents under it and wake up in your house It's exciting. It's exciting, but it's also scary It's very this year is the first year that I'm not gonna be I'm gonna be at my house for Christmas You should turn around and say how is this great and it's great in so many ways. Yeah it is great and it's great so thank you guys for showing up thanks for listening to the show a little heavy this week but I like it so close with the serenity prayer. Our father here we go ready God grandma the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the

courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Keep it coming, it works. Can I also mention that Pat has been in the bathroom for a little bit longer than... You took the shit, don't fuck yourself. I'm just pointing it out. We've been 30 minutes on your dirty asshole. Who else is dirty? I can smell it. Go to tweedaudio.com right now, 33% off.

Use the code word dude. Tweedaudio.com, different headphones. Mike, non-Mike, different colors, variations, great headphones, cheap price, not cheap headphones. 33% off, use the code word dude. Go to riotcast.com slash Robert Kelly. Use the Amazon link for anything you buy if the internet use our link book market buy from there

We make money go to gamefly.com slash ykwd two weeks free trial for Netflix a video gaming go there now you guys a great thanks for the donation Heather Graves your awesome you guys who donated a great thanks to spread in the world this show is getting bigger and bigger Every fucking week because of you So make sure you follow us on Facebook follow us on Twitter keep spreading the word getting people into the show You guys are amazing. Thank you so much. What Kelly go? I didn't say do you want to promote your shows for that week? What oh yeah? I'm gonna be it go do it right now. I'm gonna be creaking the cave every night at seven o'clock every night Sunday

The 25th until Saturday the 31st seven shows in a row and 7pm every night and it's free. Come down to the Creek and the cave along Allen City boom boom You know what I'm needed I'm stuck, I'm stuck in the water You know what I'm needed But it's gone, so it's gone, so it's You know what I'm needed Really, really, really, really You know what I'm needed Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop.

Stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop.