Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - White Keith

Episode Date: December 9, 2019

This week Judy Gold and Ricky Velez join Bobby to talk how our lexicon has changed in the last decade, traveling with controlled substances and whats offending people now! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Wait, would that be inappropriate if I got that for my sons? No, it's actually fantastic for your sons and your son's girlfriends. Okay, because it doesn't nick your nuts. So are they shaved their bush fat? Yeah. And your sons are athletes,

which they need to trim it down. Well, one is, one's a pod head. Okay. Well, that's usually how it works. It's both sides of my personal life. Let me think my glasses, I don't think it's you with chemo. No, no, but here's the thing.

It's like Henry, my older son, you know, we, because we have one bathroom. Yes. So I'll shave my legs with a razor and stuff. Right. And then one of them will have to shave and I'll go Well, there's another razor and and real say well Ben used that to shave his balls Yeah, I'm not using it on my face

Yeah, go to fucking twain reading get your own, but I bet this was better man's cave I'm getting that for them for Hanukkah. There you go. I use my code. I have a code you can use you know what? Oh, what's your code dude dude for 20% off and free shipping. Yeah. Oh, I'm doing that. Is that stupid? I like room on the road, so I don't have to clean it up. Yeah. Oh, that's good, so the maid can come in. Yeah, but you took the maid, right? Yeah, of course.

Wait, how much does everyone tip the maid? I need to know the first. Well, I'm not bad, I get in the room. All right, here's the deal. I don't let them in my room the whole stack. Right. I do not come in here. Right.

I, there's rags and things in the power of towels. Okay. Why do we all do that? Because we've been in a hotel room long enough to know that I just want it to be like home. Plus you don't want, I don't want someone going in, like it's like, I have to live here. Right, it's like you have to live there.

I don't want to have to worry about shit. I don't want, yeah, because then you're always up to clean up and be like, oh, I don't want the mate to think I'm a fucking a right. So what you do is at the end of the stay, I leave 20 bucks. That has 20 bucks is probably the most I ever left,

but that was like a mess. Right. I've left, I leave 20. I, I leave five a day. If I ask you, oh, you think something. You think they're changing out? Yeah, I feel bad. If they bang me, they get home. Oh!

Oh! Woo! That's my fantasy though. No, it is. It is? Yeah. You've seen the people cleaning your room. Every once in a while.

No, there's a hot one every now and then. Every once in a while you'll get a hot one and be like now and then every once in a while, you'll get a hot one and be like, Hey, what's up? He's like, Hey, but then you know there are like a crack addict who's trying to get their life back and you're like, I don't want to. I don't want to know. I love that. That's what I did when I first got sober.

Crack addicts can't clean places. They're just steal everything. No, they're methads. They're methads. We're done. We're done. Anyways, today's show. Let's just get into it because Cause I didn't even introduce ya,

and you started talking. I started talking? You started topicking. That's what I say you do. You hear a topic and you go off. It's called comedy. It's not comedy. We haven't left once.

You are, first of all. Let's go, wait a minute, let me introduce you. You're topicking again. You're her to topic and you minute, let me just do something. Judy, you're top of, you're top of, you're top of, again. You're in a topic and you're about to go off on it. Right, I know. I, Judy, I can't stand you. I hate you. I, I fucking can't stand.

I love you so much. I love you so much. Judy, go with everybody and, Ricky Vales. Ricky Vales, cutie, patuity. He's so, you're so adorable. Thank you. Like, it's so fucked up because like, I'm gigantic

and loud and fucking obnoxious and half the people hate and you should show up. Are you just having me or you? Me and you. Okay. And then he comes along, funny, but he's, like, it's not fair that you're good looking. Like, comics should not be

a little bit more. But I don't have both my parents. I don't have both my parents. Oh, damn. And you, oh, jeez, you're really good. I know. How do you feel now? She's got nothing.

I got nothing. I got two kids. But you know what, it's better that you have a child. I have a child. Isn't it better because people who have no kids don't have a purpose? Like, you know who lose their parents. It's like they're so lost.

Well, there are people that say I'm never having a kid. Ever. Ari Shafir says he's never having a kid. He shouldn't have one. I find him. You don't? I tell you this. I take that back.

I think that's very... I think that's one of the smarter things. It's Ari Shafir. I think Ari. Ari got a puppy. I love Ari. Ari got a puppy. No one cares if it's fractured to Ari.

Shut up and let me finish my thought. He has a puppy. He got a puppy and he is so good with this fucking puppy. Now I know, don't compare a puppy to a kid, I get it, but yeah, there's a lot of similarity. There are a lot. So the people that set that when I had a kid, fuck you, you have to wake up, you gotta wipe,

clean up this shit, you gotta feed him. Oh, you can't compare a fucking pet to a... You can, there's similarity. Right in the taking care and the care of. Like you always have to go home now. Yeah. Right, but there's no right. Yes, you always have to go home.

You're the same person. Yeah. Kids are so, I mean, you guys have young kids. Have a sexual. Really complicated. What are you talking about? Not really, because I think, you guys have young kids have a true really Complicated. What are you talking about really because I think I know I'm saying when they get into high school Yeah, we can't say that right. I know you're gonna say this and I want to say the same thing But because she has them we were both very complicated people growing up. Don't get it

It'll be a little bit more. No, if you cannot believe it. Set it up simpler. I'm telling you, I thought the same thing. You know, they, they, they, they, Shorthead Lesbo was complicated back in high school. No, nothing, come on. No. Oh, God. No, it's, it's, it's, where are you? Lesbians your whole life.

Oh my God, yes. I knew when I was like three, I was like, something is weird. Like you, when was your last boyfriend? Oh, I, all right. so I'm of the generation where- Is it true you dated Alan Havie? No.

I'm kidding. Wow, that was nuts. I can tell you who tried to date me, but this is totally true. So when I was very little, when I was like three, four, five, I was like, okay, something's different. And like you know something's different. Yeah. Now I was born in the 60s's different. Like you know something's different. Yeah.

Now I was born in the 60s, so it's like a whole other. So you know, you get clues like, Oh great. I am so doing the work of low job on you. That's the fun of that he did the math when he heard 60s. He looked at you, and then he looked at you. He said, and I just turned 50. He looked at your face, and he was like,

well, he looked great. That's his seven. You look, let me tell you something. And I have no work done. You look good, but you're like, Barbara Streisand, you know, that, that beautiful Jewish lady. Yeah, you got the nice lips.

You got the nice nose. I like a big nose. A passionate. Love a big nose. I know, I like that. That's a Kelly thing. It's always been my thing. Noses are very important.

My wife has not a big nose and I'm kind of about, my lover has a fucking elbow. Has a fucking rhinoplasty and she has like the perfect nose. Anyway, I know it's good. So I knew you know, I knew you were gonna be very little. I'm getting in the heart every time you turn your head to the side. And then, oh my god. And then when you become an adolescent shadow on the wall,

that's sorry. Looks like a mouth rusting. You know what, oh shut the fuck up. Sorry. Dick was a big F-I-K. I have my nose. Okay. You're right. So when you, when you, when you start jerking off,

like when you're like 12, 13, right, that, when you start realizing, oh, don't say jerking off for women. It makes me throw up. Why? No, when you start, when guys start jerking off. Oh, okay. I say jerking off for women. It makes me throw up. Why? Not when you start. When guy starts jerking off. Oh, okay. I thought you were talking about you.

That, and so when girls become adolescents and sex, you know, you got to rub one out. Yeah. That's worse. I, no, no, rubbing it. You're rubbing it. Yeah, you do rub it. I mean, I used to love riding my bike.

What jerking it, you're rubbing it. I mean, like, I'm gonna go ride my bike, be right back. Okay. And then, you see what would be on it. So when you, you're probably. I'm gonna go ride my bike, be right back. Okay, and then. You see what would be on it? So when you, you don't know what it is until, all right, whatever. And so when you become aware of, oh,

this makes me happy, the vagina or cock, whatever, you realize you don't wanna do it with the boat, like you are, you know, you're attracted to, like you wanna go with your girlfriend. It's just exactly the same sort of the balance. It must be hard. But it was awful because when I grew up, like, you couldn't even.

You couldn't even. You couldn't even. You couldn't even. You couldn't even. You couldn't even. You couldn't even. You couldn't even. Yeah, but no, I'm just knowing that it's wrong

and that if you tell someone your life is over, like that was the period of time I grew up in. I fuck sinks until I was 13 or 14. The drain? I'm talking about feelings and you're talking about fucking your thing. Look at this is an MPR. This is why I gave you a deal. Okay. Anyway, but I did.

I did. I did. I should have got this thing. No, I used to, the long counter with the sink in the middle. I would put cream in my hand, placed like lie on the sink with my hand in the bowl. So I could pump the sink. I'd be fucking my hand, but it'd be in the sink.

It was like, you know. I thought, I thought I'd be in the sink at all. You're really in the sink at all. You'd be dead, it's amazing. I was very good. I was, no, when my kids, when I realized, when I said to Henry, that's such a great name.

I know, I said to him, because they, you know, because they don't have a dad. So I said, They do, she just says tits. Hey, no. And I said, I knew, he said my body is changing. My son's dad has tits too.

That's me cause I know. Nice talking to you. I knew he said my body is changing. My son's dad has tits too. That's me cause I know. Nice talking to you. What do you want to do with my son? Let Ricky talk. No, I'm just saying that I said, when Henry said to me, my body's changing, I said, here, I just want to know whatever's happening,

it's perfectly normal and here are some rags. They're here washcloths in here. Stop. Let me ask you questions. That's what I said. Okay, look at me. What kind of washcloths? You gave them washcloths that you could

to jerk off with and put the come in? Yeah, so that he could put them in the so you gave with a special jerk off rags that you knew. No, I don't really use it. Do you use a washcloth in the shower? I just put the soap on my body. I, when I'm in a hotel, I do. Do you use the washcloth?

I scrub my ass off. I don't like the washcloth. No, I like to put the soap all over my body and then out of the plastic. Then take the shower, head down and put it on my face. I put soap on that washcloth and then I slather it up and I scrub my asshole. To where like hair comes out in this root.

Okay, I don't, I don't. You know. Like the root, you see a little ball, the little root ball on the end of the hair. I don't, I don't, I don't. I have a clean asshole for my shows. I am. This weekend that fucking room.

I understand why you're not letting the maid in the room. But. Yeah, right. I am airy. Nice fallback, Ricky. I am polite that where I take all the towels at the room. But yeah, right. I am Eric. Nice fallback, Ricky. I am polite that where I take all the towels at the end. To pile them. And I pile them up and I put the bad ones in the middle.

Because I know maids come in and just grab them all at once with gloves and put them in the thing. So I do just, I make them all. You don't think they ever open it up? They don't, because I know I've seen them do it a bunch of times. It's a terrible job. They pile all the tiles up and they grab them all at once because they don't want to touch those little ones.

And I always do the little ones. I never do a big one. Sometimes we'll put a tile on the bed though. I hate the comforter. Do you take the comforter off immediately? Depends what hotel. Like those fucking patterned things at the end of the bed. All those go. Where you put your suitcase on. Like I fucking patterned things at the end of the bed, where you put your suitcase

on, like I, I can't. Those are disgusting. But the actual comforter itself, the duvet, as I was called, they take that cover off of it and put a new one on. So they've learned that nobody was using the comforter and they were just using the sheets, and some places only put sheets on now. They're all like that, which I like. Also, the glasses are gross. You have to wash them out before you use them.

Does nothing. I'll drink right out of them. I'll give a fuck. You Airbnb? I Airbnb dude. I Airbnb. I Airbnb. I went to LA.

I do it often. I love it. I went to edit the hotel. Mother fucker. He asked me a question. I mean, I was added to the hotel mother fucker. He asked me a question I came down to you know no, I got the hotel to I don't like the hotels they put you in yeah, I need to why okay? I get it I would ask you question I did get an Airbnb in LA. I had a like a week at a be there. Mm-hmm

so I know somebody that gets Airbnb is all the time and my old manager, right? And he would get him and they were nice. So I got one. I, the guy who dropped me off, I was in the hood. Like I was nervous, the sun was going down. I mean, the guy that dropped you up.

I had a friend, I had a friend pick me up at the airport, went to lunch and then he drops me off and the hood. He goes, you really stand here and I was like, why is it bad? Let me tell you something, it was scary. Then when I walked up into the fucking room, like I look behind the bed, I always look behind the bed. There was hair and dead bugs and poop. I can't, I can't.

I had poop. Like some people like poop, right? Miles poop or something. I took video of it all and I checked the fuck, I sat in a chair until this kid came back and picked me up like a couple hours later and I went to a hotel. How long ago was this? This was a couple months ago.

That's it, you can look out. And then my manager at the time, he had a fucking two bedroom chateau with a pool. Yeah, cause he's taking your fucking money and spending it on him. Didn't even invite me over, I'm like, dude, my place is bad. He's like, uh, did you get a room or a whole I had to go get a fucking hotel. I don't know the place you had room. No, you got to get the whole What does that mean? Some people get just the room. That means there's other people living around you. Yes. Yeah.

Now why are you okay with that? I'm I didn't know Ricky. I left. I didn't know there was. You had roommates. No, no, no, no, sorry. It was in an apartment building. I had the apartments. Okay, you had a full apartment. I had a full apartment. Just go live in some. No AC. Oh, get the fuck out of there. This is all your fault at the point. Right. Here's what they did though, because my wife picked it out. They knew there was all colorful art on the wall. The rugs were beautifully, it looked like a hipster's apartment. It was so cool and hip looking on the fucking photos. They didn't have the back of the bed, whether it was fucking horseshit.

It didn't say there wasn't an AC. Yeah. You're just assuming that it's two thousand nine. I got the one the other day and they were able to control my temperature. We're in Arizona. Oh, right on their phone. We're in Arizona. Oh, right. On their phone. We weren't allowed to go below 75. I'm in Arizona. It's 101. I was crazy. And then on top of it, this house was really, really nice, but it was also in the hood.

So every night that we went to shows, Jesus, we just brought our bags. Yeah, because they'll fucking kill you. I was afraid people in the neighborhood were very good at checking it. But why would you check out and just stay at the hotel? What hotel was it? Because we get smoking fees. How could you smoke weed? Yeah.

Smoke outside. Dude, no. Why? Because I don't want to stand outside. I'm an adult. Oh, I like smoke outside. You're fucking barely an adult. Chill the fuck out.

You haven't even fucking had any hard times yet. Dude, I'm not a parent. I'm fine. Yeah, that wasn't that hard. Rick, you don't know. Don't you just hang out the window? No. No. The hotels don't barely use it. Oh, that would have been a lot of time. I said, anyway, hotels with drugs are disgusting. I know. I agree. I said, I said he had no hard time. What about a baby? And you will listen, Judy. But you listen. I'm literally talking and you fucking ask him another crime talking to you. I'm looking at your face and you fucking ask him a question. You're like my wife. You really are. Yeah, we both don't have sex with

you. I got no fuck laugh on that. No, because it's true. Someone supporting me. It's fucking true. That's why what's there? They're not allowed. Can I jack her headphones up, so she, is that your headphone? Where's your headphones? That your headphone.

Shut the fuck up. So fucking fine. I find Ricky fascinating. I was trying to too. And I was asking him a question. He said, good boy. Oh, shit, yeah, mug. I know he's good.

Will you roll some joints for me? I got loose weed. This is like no. And we're on a, I'm, he's the best joint roller. Shut up. Oh my God, I'm not even gonna say anything anymore. You could talk as much as you want, Judy.

Cut me off and don't even listen to me. Cause that's what you do. Cause you don't care about me. You care about Ricky, cause he's cute. I love you. No, you don't love me. I because that's what you do because you don't care about me. You care about Ricky because he's cute. I love you. No, you don't love me. I have loved you for years. That's proof it. You smoke weed.

Oh my God. Since I'm 16 years. Really? Can I say something right now and I'm scared. And I've been sober for 30, four years. I've been thinking about weed a lot. A lot of people who are sober are smoking weed. It's weird.

I know a lot of people. I don't know any of that. And your sobriety impresses me. I think it's really crazy and cool. But at the same time, like in the next few years, what marijuana is going to be to the world? It's like, it's, I don't know. I just don't like, because I'll be honest with you. I don't know. I think it be to the world. It's like, it's, I don't know. I just don't like.

Because I'll be honest with you. I'd be honest with you. I think it would be the worst. I think that pothas get stupid. And they're never, you're never, here's a deal. You're never you. I'm always me. Can't run from it.

Don't take no pills for it. I get a headache. I take an aspirin. I'm always in my shit. Yeah. or trying to get out of my shit. I'm never not me. So every situation that comes down the pike, I'm 100% me. I've given you a good weed shop and was like,

this is how I want to feel you would fall in love with me. I know, but that's the thing I'm trying to avoid because I did that. Right, and you killed. My whole child did. Right, right, right. I tried to avoid all the feelings. I tried to avoid being me for years,

and it fucking twisted me all the way until now. Still I'm doing those packages. So now, but the weird thing, just think about if you had to deal with something with, if you had to deal with something with nothing and go through it. I've done that. I go into pockets where I do that. I just don't know if it's bad. I am just a better person. No, that's not true.

I mean, we, all right, I definitely self-medicated through my teens and 20s. And then I stopped doing everything when I had children. And the thing is that at some point, when you get to a certain age, which I'm older than both of you, you know, if you can regulate yourself, if you can say, I don't smoke during the day, I often will smoke a little bit at night, I'd have stuff to sleep. Like you can literally go there and say, he said that too, is it sometimes he'll shut

it down and go through something. I don't, I have an to sleep. Like you can literally go with your end day. He said that too, is it sometimes he'll shut it down and go through something. I have an addict brand. You can't. I smoked a cigar six years ago with Verzy at his house just randomly for the first time in a long time. I have a thousand cigars in my house now. Do you understand?

I have a legal loose cigar shot. Right. No, I have a full set up. It's ridiculous. And if I started smoking weed, I would have the latest technology in weed. Right. I would probably grow my own, I would be a nightmare for me. That would be cool.

Because my kid would be your headroom to grow. That would be fun. It would be a nightmare for me. I have to say that the weed has changed. So I would have my own weed called, you know what, dude? And when you smoke, you like dude. That's our thing, dude. Ed you smoke you like dude that's our great dude.

Dude, but yeah, my friends make though. It's really plus I have arthritis and it really does fucking have a bad knee. I shut up. I've had a bad knee since 16 from what I've been smoking weed for a long time. Yeah, me too. Now can I ask you a question about weed? Let's talk about weed. Um, because when I smoked it, it was just the plant. Yeah, me too. Now, can I ask you a question about weed? Let's talk about weed.

Cause when I smoked it, it was just the plant. Yeah. You had to smoke a lot of it to get high. Oh my God. It was fun. I like smoking weed, but it was, it was pretty fucking a treacherous sometimes, some of the weed. But now they have weed. Like you said, I can walk in and go, I want to feel like that. First of all, how expensive is it? It's not how is it to how,. How is it to fly with weed? All right. And I got caught.

You did not. I swear. What happened? I got caught. It was messed up too. I got caught leaving Colorado. Colorado's being sued by all the states around it because they, because all their DW.W.I's and everything

have skyrocketed since Colorado became legal. So I'm leaving Colorado to go to Vegas. I have my rolling bag and then I have a book bag on, right? And the rolling bag has an ounce in it. Wow. And ounce. Listen, can you show me how big an ounce is with your hand? That's huge.

That's a lot. That's a full Zip Lock bag. That's a full zip lock bag. You could use that for a pillow. A full zip lock bag. And that's ridiculous. And then for people left, you could use that as a pillow. Thank you. And my book bag has,

they have air heads in it that I got from New York. So I had already flown in to Colorado with it, but I forgot they were in the back. What's an airhead? They're like a piece of candy, but they're loaded with with with with THC. But I Gabby, stop pressing your lips. Nobody's looking for it.

That's my face. That's my face all the time. So it's too. So I have two, three of those and it's during the government shutdown too. So they have the fucking B squad. So it's these fucking young kids and this kids grilling me up and down. I'm like, whatever, I throw my bag in. The bag with the ounce goes through.

The fucking bag with the three gummies in the bottom of no way gets caught. They fucking grabbed my bag. They're like, come with me. They the whole time I'm rolling around and ounce of weed in my Rollie's air. They bring me over to a sheriff Right and the sheriff turns to me and like they're they're like kind of reading me my rights at this point or like some shit And I'm like I'm bugging because I'm stoned out of my mind and the guy guy goes, you can either surrender these or go to jail. And I was like,

take them. I was like, yeah. If surrendering's gonna stop this, please, can we stop this? And they never checked my other bag. And I went to Vegas and did the reels. Yeah, they just wanted back. So you got through it.

All they do is confiscate it now. Yeah, but they said they were gonna, the guy took a picture of the weed next to my ID. That was the only thing that happened. I don't know if I've a warrant or any. They know that you smoke weed. Well, they probably have like, but they scan my eyes at the airport.

They know I'm going. Oh, you're in clear? Yeah, that's how they know. Like they know I have weed in my bag if they're scanning my eyes, dude. No, they don't scan your eyes if you're at the top of your high. You didn't know.

It's just your retina. They scan my eyes and they're like, he has weed in his bag. It's not fun. They do. They scan other people's eyes. They're like, he has a bomb take. I tell that works. Why do I get to skip the line?

Because I don't have anything to eat. How high right now? I'm pretty stone. I make these lights. These lights are fucking killing me, Bobby. Don't you want to know what he's like with our being stone? Where are you always stone? Do you think no? I've I've met him non-stone. Yeah, when you're not sound You're a little uh you're I mean you I'm on edge. You're a little more

Oh wait. Yeah when you're you're a little more what's up man little more to you? Yeah when you're stone You're just a little more like what's up man? Do Do you feel like a little pause? Uh, because I feel like that it's it what shut the fuck up. Why would you say that I laughed at what you do? All right. Do you feel like I mean it's telling you to get this is being a comic right just just having the mind of a comedian right? We don't think like other people we don't we it's true. I just said, wow.

We think where's the joke, no matter what the fucking situation is. I'm starting to find a joke in the end. Right, but it's not happening. Well, it is. It's not normal. We're not normal. And we have to live in a world where people don't get us. And it's fucking a lot of work,

where you have to like mute yourself or say, oh, I'm in this situation So I can't behave like a fucking like I remember you know you go to these parent teacher things You sometimes what when you go to the parent and you're sometimes I would sit in the back and want to go You know like yeah, you're just your your mental patient I never felt that way and I've been to them and I just I you're just I'm just I called my kids bubble bubble gun, a bubble gun at the park and a dad tried to fucking correct me. I don't know why you got like it.

I'm okay. Wait. I was like, I was like, dude, no, man. Nah. And the thing is I'm like the youngest dad in that part too. So they all try to talk to me, and it's just so fucking I hate football. Where park is this?

I don't want to say it's on my street. What part of the city? Chelsea. Okay, what were you going to say? You didn't have to raise your hand, either. I know. That's when you know you talk a lot when you like, I, okay, I know you're going to make fun of me for this.

Of course I don't. I don't care. First of all, you should understand that, because we're comedians. I know. But I love it. Such an asshole. I hate myself. So I did this, you know, they have a new Sesame Street. It's, but it's called on Apple TV, right? The Helpster. So I play Carla the Crossing Guard, right? Are you on it? I'm Carla the Crossing Guard. I don't know you're on the new Sesame. Should you get that gig?

They asked me. I wanna be like, I have dirt gains is on it as well, isn't it? It's a lot of comics are on it. Why can't I get on it? Look, I get nothing, okay? Let me be fucking Carla the crossing guard. You podcast every fuck,

oh, jerks without kids, fuck this shit. I got nothing, I have nothing. I'm doing a Broadway show at Cherry League. It's not a dream shit. A fuck. Creeps without kids. Oh, whatever, the fuck. You should be.

I wanna do a show. I asked if I could. Yeah. Okay, anyway. It's not gonna happen. I know. No, you're not. No, that's not why.

That's it is. No, it is. It's not. It's not a joke with a kid. We have kids. I had you on the show is. It's not what the kid is. It's not what the kid is. We have kids. We have kids. I had you on the show already. You did it at the village underground.

Creeps without with kids. You did creeps with kids at the village underground. Right, and now you're on the fucking road making a shitload of money with it, and I'm not, it's like rich bought. Okay. You're walking the camera. Oh, sorry.

Bannon 10. So what's with Bannon 10? Does he have kids? Put your wing down, you're blocking my shot. Whatever. So I have a big wings back. Bennington has, yes, he has kids. Right, right.

He's a grandfather. Why is he a fanpad? He's a fanpad. Because I'm 70- Give me one with you. He's a fan. So I have to work out. I always see guys with a lot of smoking here.

I have to work out so I can't smoke before. Do you have a smoke before you? Yeah. A lot of people do that. I know a lot of smoking here. I have to work out so I can't smoke before. Do you ever smoke before? Yeah. A lot of people do that. I know a lot of people do that. Letter focus. So, she's gonna go off on the table. I read a lot today.

So, you should have snorted it. I'm doing Carla. So, one of my lines is, hey everybody, are you, that's how it starts. Are you guys about to sing the blot, whatever? So, they're like action and I said, hey guys, are you about, and they're like cut? And I said, what?

And they're like, you can't say, hey guys. Guys, cause it's not guys. Hey kids. Hey. Hey everyone. Right? Hey everyone. Hey everyone.

Look, I'm a gay. I can't. One of the g look. I'm a gay. I can't one of the guys. I am the gay. I can't with it. I cannot. Yeah, I cannot. I got that into the video game. You have to go fight her. He's the last. The last. The biggest and most brutal. It's a joke. You have to keep picking it on the toilet to get all that. That's what she does at the end of the game. Listen to me. I'm just saying I find it like your vernacular has to

just I don't. Yeah, because yeah, but look at Sesame Street is I understand and it's good Sesame Street is all Have you seen the first Sesame Street ever oh, yeah the first one the first one ever I'm episode I probably saw it when I came out the pilot episode was so weird Like you could never do it today was It was just this girl and then she, some guy came up to us and started talking to her and she took him home.

Oh, no, no, no, wait, is it? This guy was talking to this girl and he took the girl home back to his house and it's like this would never fly. It was this weird uncomfortable situation. It was fine back then, but watching it now, it's like, this is, you couldn't do this. You can't do anything anymore.

Things change. I mean, does it really, like, here's, because I'm from Boston, I'm not the most fucking, you know, I'm not a left wing nut, but I'm a, I feel like I have common sense. And, you know, you can't say, hey guys. It's ridiculous. I've been across it, like I've said, hey guys, thanks for coming to girls. And like, we're not guys. It's ridiculous. I've been across it like I've said

hey guys thanks for coming to girls and like we're not guys and it's like hey ladies why are you calling us old? Hey girls Jesus we're more than it's like what the fuck's ridiculous. Some people just want to talk. Well they're looking for us. I like twats. I know you do. Talks and twats. Back to your story. Shut up. Yeah, but... So what did you want to, you want a bending to what they wanted? Right, but I was just like, it's, you know, as someone who lived through the AIDS crisis and watched my friends die and watched,

I mean, I watched this whole, the progression of marriage equality, which was a result of the AIDS crisis, because people were dying, and their families were saying, oh, you've lived with him for 30 years, but you're not allowed at the funeral, you're not allowed.

Any of his things, we hate you, you can't visit him, you can't visit him in the hospital. You know, like that started this whole need for equality. It's all about rights, rights that were afforded to other people and not simply because you're in a same sex marriage. You don't get, all right. So I understand that.

And now the fight is pronouns. And it's, I'm sorry, I get it. I understand you want it, but it's a process. And you can't be fucking getting mad at everyone because they're not on board yet or they're not used to it or... So you think we should, calling everybody guys,

so we say we should just, so what you're saying is there's no room for nicknames or shortcuts or, you know, I mean, hey guys is just a thing that translated from when, you're just a group of people with it. Hey guys, let's go. Right. And now you have to say, hey, everyone,

which is the proper term anyways, when you would say, hey guys. Anyways, it's not a word. But it is to me. See, that's what you do to me, what they did to you, which I find uncomfortable. No, it's just a grammatical thing. Whatever. What I'm saying, I'll do it. Anyways. You don't have to do it. Anyways. Anyways. Anyways. Listen to me. It's very,

it's very New England anyways. But what I'm saying to you is this is that do you give a fuck about that? It's actually in the dictionary. Yes, it is a word. She's still shut the fuck up. How new is the word? It says non-standard form of anyone non-standard, but this is what I'm talking about. Hey guys is a non-standard term of guys. No, that's grammatical. I'm saying that you're going to get insulted. People are literally going are very small group of people. It's a very small group. It is a very small group. It's a very small. They're very small group of people. It is very small group of people. They're just loud. They're a very small group of people that scared the shit out of corporations and people who need people to get money.

Okay, so when you have sponsors and other people are paying the tab, you don't want to make anybody mad at all. A hundred percent of the people you want to like you, okay, because you don't want any bad press at all, 100% of the people you want to like you, okay? Cause you don't want any bad press at all. So now what happens is anybody can scream fucking racist, you know, unequal, unequal fucking feminism, whatever the fuck they wanna do, and people get the shit scared out of them.

Because you can, you can have your whole life taken away. Like that by 20 people. We had a girl. We did the show a couple weeks ago Creams for kids. I mean, it's everybody's coming knows who we are, right? You know us. Yeah, the fan base intertwines. Yeah, that's how you fall upon Ten minutes in the richest set people this couple woman and a man got up and screamed and Ten minutes in the richest set people there's couple woman and a man got up and screamed and then we like your racist Next day on Twitter. Yeah, we know Yeah, they wrote his jokes down and you read him you're like guys. He's just a dirty racist

You know what I mean? And it's like If you're smart enough, you're looking at rich going. Oh, he's making fun of a racist. He loves his daughter. Right. He's making fun of racists. He's actually pretending to be a racist so that you laugh how ridiculous it would be. If one of his daughters was dating a black guy for him to only talk to two of them instead of good luck. Well, the thing is that nuance and intent are not, don't fucking give me a look. It's true. No, I'm not give me a look. It's true.

You know, I'm not giving the personal look. I was with you. Right. Yeah, but you just, you guys, you're not not fight. You, you just snapped at me because I was, I was, you see, even when they agree,

I'm just 100% my look was with you, not against you. You a fucking no one. I'm not an intent or not. Okay, no one's an intent. You, you cannot communicate that in a tweet. You know I just wrote this book about all of this called, yes I can say that. No one does.

No it isn't. It really isn't. It's just that I've done so much research about it recently. So you know, it's- But this person can I just say something? Like how it's turned. He's not a racist, but people would say oh he's like no He's he's exposing the fucking stupidity the fact that he has a career and and continues to he said something another day

He called he called America's Got Talent a man's club or something like Howard We watched your show in the 90s. Like what are you talking about? Yeah, I mean, he got his fan base was a man's club. That is Sipian. That is a thing in the studio that one would sit on to match. Yeah, literally in front of other people. But that's a thing too, is they give him shit for some people. They give him shit for becoming, you know, his age and evolving into something else. And he, what's he always supposed to be a piece of shit? And it's like, dude, he evolved. But so let him evolve.

As a, you can't hold him accountable what he did 10, 15 years ago. But what he did 10, 15 years ago made me fucking laugh. Of course it's, oh absolutely. It's like, you know, look, I believe in equality, but I'm not a fucking idiot. Like, it's like, look, I believe in equality, but I'm not a fucking idiot. I'm not an idiot. You have common sense.

You have common sense. And a sense of humor. I actually, I did Ari's podcast where he, you go over your first album. Yeah. Dude, I said, Faggy. Like, what do you, Fag? Like, to the guy in the audience, I go, you play video games, he goes, no, I go,

what are you a bag? It's like, it was, it was, right, it was the time. 2001. You said, I said, I said, Faggy, Fag. I said, Faggy all the time. I would be like, oh my God, I acted this guy, I was like, oh my God, I did all this character, like how many times I do that guy?

Every track. I'm not every track. Right, but here's the deal. I mean a lot, but not every bag of track. But I did all that shit, and I'm like how many times I do that guy? Every track. I'm not every track. Right, but here's the deal. I mean a lot, but not every track. But I did all that shit and I'm like, but I'm gonna be getting yelled at for Faggy back then. But you understand why you don't do it anymore.

But also, you're not, here's the deal. There's not a fact. I feel like you have a right, if you are coming from a place of knowledge. Like you have been around gay people. I know, but you've been around gay people, right? You're not a homophobic. No.

So, and when you're coming from that sort of place, you have to look at the whole picture and not like he said, Faggy, you have to look at the entire comic, the entire person. But this, can I say something? This is the gay's responsibility. It, that's on your plate, not on ours. Because we're, like someone who's not gay or someone who says something offensive

and somebody, oh, the small group, hey, you said guys, we don't go. You have to use the right pronouns. We can't fight that battle alone because it has to be fought within, I believe. Right. Because we'll never win that argument. We'll just never win that. We're just going to go fuck you on saying whatever I want.

I don't give a shit. And you're a racist. Well, or you're a, you're a, you're a sexist or, you know, you hate gays or you hate transgendered. I have, I have none of that in my fear and it is, it's just going to make people more divided, yeah, divided and go into your groups and worry about the, like, you would stop trying to meet people that you can't. Yeah, you're my op-beck. You're just in your own little-

That's my fear. But at the same time, like I understand people want to be called what they are, I guess. Yeah, but in the gay community or in the trans community, I know a lot of trans people, and they are scared of other trans people. They're scared of being called out by the heads of- Oh, right.

I know. They're petrified. It's like, it's infighting. I've had conversations like, does this word bother you or does this bother you now? I don't give a shit. But I have to care. Where are these care?

I have to care in public. Where are the younger, I have to care in public because they'll attack. I'm saying like, where are these people? Like, and then thing is it's like, where are they? Like, I'm sorry, I'm out. I just don't, everybody has these interactions and whatnot. It's like, where are they? I'm sorry, I'm out. I just don't, everybody has these interactions and whatnot. It's like, where are you?

What are you doing? Like I don't understand. I don't even know what you're saying right now. No, but I have somebody in my life that goes by a pronoun. And it was a she and now they're a they. And that's more than fine and it's easy, but it's like how people complain about it.

It's not hard to. It's not hard to do, but here's what if you make them a day. And no, they are not like that. They aren't. Right, you piece of shit. I try with you. It's a bad word today. He's a day.

Hey, they're a day. But it's also generational. It's a dead, it's a day. Part of learning. He's a day. They're they. But it's also generational. It's also generational because you like I, we, I call all my friends' faggets and dikes and you know like hey query, you know like we, that's how we always talk to one another. People, I mean that, that'll get you throwing out of a bar nowadays. What Trudeau said was a human, he was like, we're not human. The word man, he was like, we're people something.

It was like, it was annoying. It was like, you're a fuck you. Plus, you know what they meant. Right. But now you're in bad, that's something you could go up to them after this public fuck. Now they're on a video you twat. That, you know what I mean?

You just didn't back, just go up to a math to go, hey man, this is what we should say. Or you know, subtly do it. And over time, people don't, I don't give a fuck what you want to be called. If you're my friend and you say, do it, can you call me this?

Right. I'll call you fucking Jennifer. Right. I don't give a shit what you want. I've had homies that changed their names numerous times. Right. This, their nick a shit what you want. I've had homies that changed their names numerous times. Right. That's their nicknames have changed numerous times. Right, you just shit.

And I go with it. It's fine. Just do it. Nobody cares about what somebody wants to be called. It's when you're forcing people to do shit. And when you're making- Or you're not allowing for the evolution. The evolution of it.

With Kevin Hart. Like, you know, I, when this whole thing happened with the Oscars and I was like, all we fight for is for people to evolve. He has evolved, shut up. That one blew my mind because that was like, that is the niceest thing. That was an assassin.

Right. That was an assassination. Stop punishing people for the past, right? Philly. That was an assassination. Stop punishing people for the past. You know, like if they, if they're different, like, yeah. Okay. You know, he, he, he did this thing and it's, yes, he has a lot of people listening to him and yes,

it's not great to say, if I, if I caught my kid playing with a dollhouse, I take the dollhouse and mash it over his head. Okay. I understand that. But that was 10 years ago, or 12 years ago, or whatever. It was also a joke. Right. And I don't think it's that funny.

That's all right. I left. I just laughed when you told it. Shut the fuck up. But I'm just saying, you want a whole goal, the whole goal is for people to evolve. Then once they evolve, you fucking punish them for what they did 20 years ago.

I think it's ridiculous, because you'd have to punish everybody. We'd have to punish people's grandparents because they did fuck up. I've said so many shitty fucking horrible things. The internet ruined everything. Right. Well, I don't know if it did.

I mean, it did, but it can also. It's given the wrong people a soap box. It's also, but we don't have to listen. I don't know why we listen. We don't get a new phone after this. You are. You're excited, yeah. Why?

I'm just getting something that can flip open, talk to people. She gets mad. And not to the, I'm done. I hate it. I hate it. It's actually both. I know, it looks crazy. It's a razor. It's actually both. I know it looks crazy

It flips it's a little phone like an old school phone good on it. Yeah, and then what do you do before you want it? No, but it opens back up and it's a full screen. Yeah, what not what I want it's not what you want What I want a burner it's both In case you fucking break down and you have to check what does it tell me tell me tell me it's a it's a phone like an old school flip phone remember those old school ones but if you open it it becomes like an iPhone so the it's a foldable motor it's like it's like the screens are foldable now so they're the first ones to kind of figure out how to do it it doesn't become an iPad, like, Samsung's becomes, it's like an iPhone

that becomes a mini iPad. Wow. But it doesn't work. I hate this fucking shit. These iPhones are shit. Why? I just hate them. They break, they're made out of fucking plastic.

So fucking. They're just shit. I don't think, I mean, I disagree. I think it's pretty fucking nuts. I've actually filmed a whole thing for Creeps of Kids and edited it on my iPhone with the 20s. No, I get that. No, no, I understand that part of it.

That's crazy. Okay. It's just like I'd rather have a little flip-flop. So get one. They're available. Yeah, but then I have a Mac. David Tell has a more. Doesn't matter. That track.

What do you want? You either want the, you want the technology, you don't. I do want the technology, bitch. Say now that is, I want it, bitch. You can't talk like that. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.

I see someone's gonna get offended. I have many left-wing black female listeners that will be offended by that. Okay. Who said I was doing a black? Huh? I was not doing a black. I know you're doing a Jewish woman. What you're allowed to do and then like, I can do the Israeli.

How you're back into territory. I can do I can do my German that drives you up a fucking wall. Fucking nightmare. Fuck, she did it for a fucking three hours straight in my hotel. And then I saw her two months later, she walks up, she's doing it again. His hello? No, that was so funny.

But it was big. Me, you and Ryan Hamilton, and he's screaming at me, and I'm talking like a German Nazi. But she gets lazy and it becomes French. That's so funny. I don't know, man, I don't give a fuck. I was downstairs arguing with stupid, they're watching these impeachment things.

I love it. I don't understand, it doesn't matter. CNN is like fuck it, that's a sitcom to them. They don't give a fuck. I don't watch them. They just want you to fucking, they don't give a shit, they just want you to tune in, they make their stupid money

or any CNN makes their money anyways, all these stupid news outlets just it's a it's like TMZ We love destruction. We love controversy. We love conflict. We it's a it's the biggest Reality show you could possibly have a time or something. It's so funny. Everything is breaking news. Everything. Right. Everything is fucking breaking news. Everything. I wish somebody would come up with real news.

When I was on nightly show, I really, after I got off that show, I stayed away from the news for like a year. It was like really good for me, like to just get away and not like I was so submerged. Because you're getting it from every angle. And you like, and it's just like I was so submerged in because you're getting it from every angle. And you like, and it's just like, I was so submerged in it and then walking away from it, I was like, oh, none of that shit matters. No matter how you raise your daughter,

how you're a husband, how you're a father. Have a son. I mean, I'm sorry. I'm beautiful. I'm sorry, I'm boy. I don't know why. People think he's a girl all the time. I'm sorry. Hey, Joe. I was, no, no, no. I was looking at you.

Yeah. He's so pretty. I'm just no, no, no. I was looking at you. Yeah. He's so pretty. I'm just so pretty. You're very pretty. I'm glad you, I'm glad you grew this little fuzz on your face just to, just to remind us at the last second that you're not a cutie-patuity little girl. Hahaha.

There. Anyways, I, I, I, but I think that is your response. But I just raise a, raise your kid good. But I just raise your kid good. Because if you raise your kid good, your kid's good. My kid's good, her kid's good. We'll have a bunch of people. Everybody has like 30 years left. It's fantastic.

What do you mean? You, there's no more ocean in like 10 years, man. Stop it. It's filled with plastic, dude. Yeah, it's filled with fucking plastic. You guys are just idiots. No, it's fucking, bro. You should go to Provincetown and see what they had a fucking do.

They had a move to the road. They had to get rid of the parking light. No shit. Aurobal. What did they say that again? Provincetown. Right. I have a house.

That was your gay. Because I'm gay. The ocean has moved so much. There were do like you would ride down Route 6. Oh, I'm not even talking about the rising of vote. I'm just saying the plastic emotions, there will be no, all fish will be like formed. It's horrible.

So anyway, there were do. And the next 30 dude, we're fighting for what we have. It's sad. You drive down. So I should do my special now. I didn't. Yeah. Where's I didn't finish my fuck I'm talking to. No one's, you know, no, we're listening.

No, I'm just saying you drive down, you're saying you're going to drive down, and there were, you couldn't see the ocean because there were these huge dunes. Right. Literally, you're, it's like right there. It's come so close, people have had to put their houses on, still, who know, who are those going to be gone. But that happens. It's not so close people had to have had to put their houses on still So no hard is gonna be gone, but that happens

It's not so fast. It's changed. So it does it happens shut the fuck up. It happens We've had many different. I mean look. I'm not I'm not denying Well, you're shit you guys are talking about I know I know that we're We're gonna be here for a long time. Trust me. Trust you're banking on some. I'll bet you right now. You're something.

I'll bet you right now. Nice easy gentleman's bet. 50 bucks. Right? What? That in 30 years will still will be here and everything will be all right. You'll be dead either way. Yeah, straight up.

Mendel's. Let's do 20. Let's do alright. You'll be dead either way. Yeah, straight up Mendel's long and family. Let's do 20. What do you 20? 20 years. In 20 years, I'm gonna come to you wherever you are. Have you seen Coral, like have you gone? Can we just make this bet?

Can we make this bet? Can we make this bet? You're gonna win. You're gonna win. 50 bucks, you're gonna win. So just take the 50. Wait, wait, you have to change it. Wait, I want to pick this.

Hold on, hold on, before you stay. I think you're bet. You're 50 dollars will So just take the 50 wait wait you have to change it. I want to put on before you say you're bad You're you're 50 dollars be useless at that time. You got it. What is it like to bloom? No, you need you're to be in gallons of fresh water So you're gonna be in 50 gallons of fresh water or and I want or 50 dollars American Right just LA alone is on fire dude. Good. You know what I mean, but it should be. It's a shithole. That was really bad the way that just was me laughing. Anyways, jingle balls to the walls, fellas. Forget about the end of the world.

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That's Brooklyn and dot com promo code WhatDude. What's up, we're back. She's on a phone. Will you talk in a way? I'm not just looking. I'm just looking. I'm just looking. I'm getting emotional.

I'm getting emotional. Okay. Yeah. Is she part, we actually were writing something together and we wrote you in it. Oh, we wrote you in too. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm so excited.

Are you doing it or not? No. Of course not. I'm trying to do it. I'm so excited. Are you doing it or no? Of course not. I'm gonna try to do it I'll try to fucking terrible to what happened. Oh, it's so good. It is yeah your character is really funny. Oh good I mean you you you yeah, that's nice And our our relationship in it is exactly what it is. Oh, it's this. No, it's perfect. This Whatever. Yeah, I'm remembering you were thin. I Remember when you were thin too. I know That's fucked up right. I felt bad saying that. No, I remember when you had short hair. Oh my god. The movie reviews

I love that. I did never 10 fucking years. You ever see Judy at her best? Go and watch these things. HBO did the movie reviews. It was called at the multiplex with Judy goal. It was so fun. She would hit people up as they're coming out of the movie. But you know, she's her. It's just fucking.

She, she, her, yes. She's her. She, her, they, No, I said she's her. I know. I was just, He know what I meant. The point you ruined it's part. I look only that fat now. Yeah. No. No, I said she's her. I know. I was just, He know what I meant. The point you ruined is probably that fat now.

Yeah. No. No. Thank you. I mean, no. I said no. Say no. No.

Go ahead, ask me again. Do I look really that fat now? What did you say? And, first of all, you, I mean, you're still handsome, but you were the fucking hottest thing. Listen, man, I don't know if I want to take that compliment. Why? I was a good looking guy.

Well, it's funny to me because now, like, you look at, you know, you're out of the game, but, you know, there's a bunch of young bucks right now, fucking playing the field and the target, like, they look at it. Me is like, dude, I did this shit back in 2000 late 90s. I was fine. I was nobody. Nobody could compete with me back then. Oh, I was fucking. Nobody could, nobody could compete with me back then. I was fucking, when I was, I never slept with anybody for an audience.

You have it or waitresses or other clients. Yeah, I was actually getting a blowjob downstairs while they were calling my name in the hallway. Where? Right downstairs by two waitresses. Two? Yeah, at the same time. That's wild. Yeah, it was wild. You're getting a blowjob by two waitresses? And they were going to get lazy and jump and give it up for Robert. That was a can of go.

How can you get a blowjob by two people? I have one dick and they leave it here. Can you give me a lullipop? I'll show you. You want to do it on this one? Yeah, if I can, you're there. And then pass over. Oh, you just it on this? Yeah, if I can, you're there. And then pass over. Oh, you just move it over. Yeah, what do you think it did? We think they took it off. Just one person do it. What if one person sucks in the other person?

It was more of shits and giggles than actually. Okay. That was really a good little cute thing we would do. Here he is. Yeah. And then I'm, man crazy back then though 90s sex 80s 96 80s 90s 80s druggy drug drug drug 90s was oh, I mean even look at the movies you look at porkeys all these movies just about fucking Every move animal house all those movies just about fucking what you get trashed and fuck I got sober in 86. Oh, so you were getting double blow job sober Fuck yeah, that was my new drug Yeah, I actually did sex was a drug for me and it got to the point where it was I had to stop I mean I hit bottom with sex there like you weren't enjoying it anymore

I was I was, I was, me and Don were dating and I was still fucking around. Wow. Yeah, I mean, we weren't married or even engaged, but we were close and it got to the point where it was like, you know, I got caught doing some shit and she was like, I gotta go. I gotta go.

And she was like, if you're gonna try to get your shit together, I'll stay. If not, I gotta go. I gotta go. And she was like, if you're gonna try to get your shit together, I'll stay. If not, I gotta go. She goes, I understand that she goes, I love you. And but I can't. I gotta. This is, it was at that point where she, you know, she's gonna go live her life

before we go back to Boston or something. And I actually started therapy at that point. Cause I went to the, I remember walking to the therapy and I was just like Look man, you're not gonna make me into some fucking pussy, okay? And he was like you already are you're here He said that it was real men don't need therapy. That's not true. I was like that's a fucking shitty therapist Maybe he was just trying to be laugh. Oh, all right. I just was like I got you fucking good guy

Where was the therapist? He's still my therapist today. Where? 70 second street. I knew it. West Side. Yeah. Out there roll on the upper West Side.

Mine's on 86. I've been just so. But it's so funny because if you look at it, after that, I went to food. Which really? Yeah. What? That was good.

Yeah, we laughed. Yeah. You don't have to fucking one. Yeah. That was good. Yeah, we laughed. Yeah. You don't have to fucking not let us, that's how we let you know when it's good here. Yeah, this is how it's when we let you know when it's bad. Yeah, I got you.

Yeah, you've never, if you've had a sex problem, no, you've, you've never had a sex problem. No, no, I mean, not a sex. That's sex very young. How old? I'm old. No, I know, no, I'd sex very young How old young No, I know we know what young means like single did you single did you want to just tell me single did you know 12 Yeah, I had sex when I was like same year course. Same year's 9 11 you bang that's how I remember Yeah, I get's coming to an end three hours went down. Yeah

Wait a minute. You were born in the top. I'm gonna let him fucking have it. I'm gonna wrap this around my fist and give the bomb bandana with you. You had sex the same year 9 11 happened. Wow. How old were you? You were 12. I was in the seventh grade. I was 12. So 9 11 you were 12. Wait, what had you done? I doing comedy. God dammit, Ricky.

God dammit. I was downstairs doing comedy that week. You were double blow just. No, I don't think it was. That was the worst week, wasn't it? Doing comedy? Oh, yeah, you had to look at this stuff. I'm sucking that.

No, they closed all the clubs without wanting. Not the comedy seller. We all got me. I mean, Burr, Patrice, Norton, we, a tell we all came, there was seven or eight people downstairs. The streets were fucking empty and we were on stage that I think a couple days after. Yeah, a couple days after.

And we would, what? Boss. Oh, Jesus, be kind of a fucking 9-11. God damn it. You're on the podcast with Judy Gold and Ricky Vales. Rich Voss, everybody. Hello. Rich. Oh, I'm calling him. Let me call him.

No, listen, I guarantee you, stop. This is what he will call back, because he needs it. Do you don't have to call him? Don't call him. He'll call is what he will call back, because he needs it. Do you don't have to call him? Don't call him. He'll call back. He will call back guaranteed, because it's a former stage time. I guarantee he'll call back. Guaranteed. When he calls back, just let me know, okay?

It's right there. What the fuck was that? I was just, what would you do that for? What are you fucking two? It loosens up your, your, your, I'll tell you what else loosens up you a fucking shut up. Uh.

Uh. What was that gross? Oh, sorry. Anyways. Yeah, so, but I, I, You did crazy shit sexually back of the day? Yes. What?

You do you had some crazy lesbian experiences? I had some lesbian experiences. Some crazy ones. Not. I had some. From comedy, you got some juice. I didn't. You never got juice from comedy.

Oh my God. No. First of all, I was so into being a good comic that people would come up to me after the show and be completely flirting with me and I would have no idea. Really? Yeah, my friend be like that person just, and I was like, really? I was so focused on standup.

Wow. I had so much natural talent, but I focused on it at all. I just wanted to get laid. It's all I was doing. I'm, I'm, I'm, and you, it's true for a lot of people, it's very funny. It is. It's really funny. That's all I was doing. Um. And you have to do this. It's true for a lot of people. It's very funny.

It is. It's really funny. They're just natural talent. And then they're just focused on getting late after shows. It's unbelievable. Oh, I was like, I was right notes on my act after my show. I was so scared of commitment or settling down because I really thought becoming a husband and a father would make me not funny. Not funny and it actually did the reverse.

Right. It made me funnier. It's so weird right before you have a kid and you're a comic and you're like, oh my god, like I have to be an adult because comedy's such a fucking child play. And then you're having, and you're like, oh my god, I have to be responsible.

Every time I say I have a kid on stage, no one ever claps. Really? Really? You know, when people are like, I have a kid, no one claps when I say it. It's so funny. Why? No, no. It's the funniest thing in the world. It's weird. It's wild. It's really crazy. That's weird. How old do you, buddy? 30. 30. You're 30. You can't figure that out from him being 12 and 2001. I would, I just, I thought I wouldn't be able to do that.

I just asked him and just tell me. I'm Jewish. Sorry. Yeah. Um, and the tip on that would be six to seven dollars. Go ahead. that would be six to seven dollars. Go ahead. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He tells you that morning. You know what I mean? Like that's what he does today. Robert doesn't even have my number. It's like come up. Come, we're having a barbecue today. I'm like, I'm fucking thankful. There's no way I have your number. And I'm changing my number today. What I tell you, look, look, look, look, look, what I tell you.

Oh, God. What's going on back? Hello, you're on the podcast. YKWD was Ricky Villas and Judy gold No, you're doing we're doing to today We can hear you You're true my favorite people doing your podcast right now You're chill my favorite people doing your podcast right now.

Anyhow, you call the and I just call back and I really have nothing to say to you. Ricky or Judy. So that's what he hung up to right. You wrote all this. Ricky said you wrote all that. Yeah. Oh boy, he's killing. What's it? It's just like, I guess this is middle of the day.

I can't shut the fuck up. Dude, you live nowhere. Where are you? He's in the woods, doesn't he? You know what, Judy? What? What? Hey, Judy, I was going to get you on

Bennington, but you know what? Watch your tongue. He hasn't had me on, I think I'm the only comic. What is that? Maybe I don't know, it's Judy though so small. He does want to hear the loudness. Oh, that's nice. He's fucking loud. Well, it's not that funny. It's not that funny. It is funny because he's so mean. He's like, having out of you.

Fucked it about. He could have just stopped it. Maybe he didn't want to be the loudest. But he's going to go that actually, yada, yada. Yeah, fuck it. He's got it. He's got it. I just called Valt's white keys.

He just called voice white keys Ricky just called you white Keith no Boston clap And Mike said boss can clap. No, it's not true The podcast wait, am I gonna see you? I'm I gonna see you before you get it? Come. Oh, my thing. I don't know. I'm coming in there. And if I get there in time. Oh my God, you're like a fucking 90 year old Jewish God. What's going on? And if I get there, I'm time. And maybe I could see what? First of all, I'm driving second of all, I don't want to talk to any of you and I'm trying to find a nice way to bail out of this I found one

He's getting angry here as he gets older he needs to come there's a problem or he's just gonna be a mean old man He hung up which is great it was we all laughed the funny, but he couldn't let it go. I told you he had to, he needed a little limelight. Okay, so he called back and he had nothing. You guys call them on it and he fucking, then he's done, what it is, is he talks, he's spying time, that's all he's doing. He's buying time to really hit something

and then he'll fucking get a nice thing and have it. So that's what he does. Yeah. I'm telling you, being on tour with Rich Voss, we, I was so funny. Do you watch him put his rings in the vault every night? Yeah, he'll save in the room.

The rings are just ridiculous. I know they're so fucking stupid. I'm like, what is wrong with you? I don't know why. I don't know why. And like, you could spend that money on something like normal. Yeah.

No, he did. He did do it. Yeah, it's all new teeth. Those are new. But I remember normal. Yeah. No, he did. He did really. He has all new teeth. Those are new. But I remember his old teeth. Let me taste it. Oh, I forgot it. You could have cut a chain link fence with his mouth back.

You could have opened soup with his fucking mouth. He's got a nice teeth now. Yeah. I mean, they don't fit his mouth. Do you think Bonnie has a fucking mouth? I think they got a deal on his teeth. I think they were made for somebody else. I think I was like,

dude, I'll give you these for 10,000. He's like, okay, put them in. Remember when he and Bonnie were first together and it was like a big secret? Yes. Okay, I can't tell you who it is. I'm like, I know who it is. All right, don't tell anyone.

Don't tell anyone. Jesus. Oh, you're so great. I love how he's so great. He's so great. He's so funny. He puts on outfits. He doesn't get dressed. He's loaded.

He wears outfits. Yeah, he wears outfits. Like he's in the movie Blood In and Blood Out. I remember one night, we were on stage because at the end of the show, we all go back out together and kind of answer questions and stuff. Oh, with the all guys. Yeah, creeps, creeps, kids, but it's all guys. Wait, yeah.

I mean, look, I asked, are there any people of color on that show? Yeah, they had chingolas. They had chingolas. No, we had chingolas. Well, the week after the lady complained about him, Foxby racist, we put Shane on one of the show. No way to see if kids. No, no. He was a creep,. We go. We're definitely a creep

We were talking about Foss's fucking Foss's racism And Well, he's from New Jersey. What do you know he's not racist? I know he is But his stupid little fucking is jewelry I know. But he is. But his stupid little fucking, his jewelry.

A man. That's a waste of money. A man that smoked crack. I know. He's got a Rolex. And then I go in to have food after, because I want to eat after the show. We have a nice catering spread.

Deb just hooks up the tour manager, hooks us up with this great food. And it's healthy and turkey and roast beef and wraps and all the stuff and hummus. So I go back to eat it and he's got, he's every night he's taking all the food, put it in a bag and taking it. I go, could I eat on the tour?

Could I have some food so he can eat it later? Yes, he has it for the next day. He took a whole chicken home one night. He lived 20 minutes from the gig. Why? He's so frugal with money. If he has all this gold. He has all this gold though. Now it's so stupid. He was buying gold coins. He comes in and he's like, I got six gold coins. I bought them down the street. He has a kid like you have to say about what you spend money. And he's always clean it. So we take the goal to go get burned down into rings.

No, he says if the house burned down, at least the goal will melt and still be there. That's really thing. The cash will go away. He has a lot of cash, I guess, so he's buying gold coins. I was on stage ago. He has six gold coins on him.

There's a beamer out back. We leave around 11, 11 o'clock. I want him to get mugged so bad. Take a nice hot beating. Take all his rings, cut his little fingers off. You wouldn't be able to tell. I don't understand it. I don't understand. Cutting his fingers off to get those rings. You would have to get it. Right.

Get a fucking lock box like a, you know, a waterproof, whatever, the fucking safe. A safe. He says they'll melt in the fire. I mean, you just dumb. Didn't he have a fire, though? Yeah, Bonnie let us play some fire. No way. No, it wasn't Bonnie.

It was something happened. Somebody did something. So now he's just afraid of fires. Yeah, he probably lost probably lost I bet he lost some cash in that fire because he stuff he would hit for Bonnie Absor fucking a little bit I bet he all came close to losing some. Yes That's why he's bringing up the fire. Yeah, man, cuz here's the oh he like we're trying to promote just the tour But he wouldn't he would we would put him on these shows, but he's on stage and he would promote bringing up the fire. Yeah, man. Cause here's the deal. He like we're trying to promote just the tour,

but he wouldn't, we would put him on these shows. But he's on stage. And he would promote Vosrose.com. It's like, dude, you're supposed to promote our tour. Oh, the Rose Pizz. He's promoting that and asking people, they have any gold coins he can buy. It's like Vosrose was three years ago,

and he'd be on the fucking radio show. And like, what do you got? Oh, I got the tour. I guess you can promote that. Oh, Vosrose was three years ago and he'd be on a fucking radio show. And like, what do you got? Oh, I got the tour, I guess you can promote that. Oh, Vosrose.com. And his energy would change. Cause he gets all that money. That goes straight to him. Straight to him.

That might be, but it was supposed to go evenly to all of us by the way. Yes, that's right. Really? Yes. It did not. I'll show you the thing. That's what he says. I'll bring you the thing. That's what he says.

I'll bring it in my house and give you the records. Which I don't. Which I don't. If I was part of that, I would have gave him a fake subpoena, like I was bringing them to court. Like having like my accountant. Yeah, we're gonna audit you. Send him a...

We should audit him. As his friend's shooting, we should audit him. We should send... We should audit V as his friends. Shootie. We should audit him. We should we should audit Voss Rose.com. First of all, if anyone ripped him off money, he'd be so fucking furious. Oh, yeah, he would be out of his fucking mind. What do you know? And you know, he's taking the money and buying fucking stupid rings with him. Well, he did double his, all of a sudden he was wearing a new Rolex.

He was having rings after the first. He's got a new beamer. He wants to the road. He has a beamer now. Yeah, he was wearing a new Rolex, he was having rings after the first. He's got a new beamer. He lost the, he lost the, he lost the, he lost the, he lost the, he lost the, he lost the, he lost the, he's got a beamer, he's got a nice car. Yeah, they just bought a new house. I bet he's making a lot of money off this VossRose.com.

And the gold, and the gold, and the gold. And all the cool, all the, he's taking all his cash and throwing it in there. Anyways, all right, let's wrap it up because you're on your phone. No! You're on your phone. Get off your phone, you fucking...

Oh, what? Oh, sorry. On my Patreon, I love my fucking Patreon. It's kicking ass. I got a brand new video going up on Patreon today. He's gonna have a beaver soon. I haven't done Patreon, how about that? You shouldn't.

Shut up, Ricky. I wanna say hello to all the new members Jonathan Fitzgerald David being I'll say it. Is that how you say give me the names You go through everybody's name. I do I do how many people are on your patreon Or the joint wait, they don't say all of them. I don't do a model. Wait. How do you do it? How do you do patreon? I want to know everything I'm gonna tell you right now David how do you do it? How do you do Patreon? I want to know everything about you. I'm going to tell you right now. David Bean, is that it?

Mike. How do you spell the fucking name? I'm being. B-E-Y-E-N-E. Bane. That's what I said. Bane. I said Bane.

You said Bane. I said Bane. Bane. Bane. Kimberly V.D.W. Patrick Preston. Brock S. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. I forced. I forced. Why? I forced Mike. I like Mike. Geechy. What's up, Geechy? Eric Ophano, Jack Walsh, Vinny Valentino, Cody Floyd, Christopher Huglin, Robert Tulser. Tulser. There you go. Evened Dern, Austin Owens, Emily Gumpel, Rob, Rob Taylor, the bruiser, I like that.

Laura Tito Rico, Bernard Lewis, Garrett Thomas, Burnett, Rob Dunnevant, and Alex. Thank you for becoming a member. We got a brand new video going up this Sunday. Live from the shed. Oh, you do my life from the shed? Yes, I told you that already. I can relax. Wait, but I have a quite how long are your videos?

Your mama. Um, so, um. My mother's dead. Yeah, we're not gonna talk about that. All right. And my father's dead. Yeah, so join the club. Wait, I have a question.

How long are the Patreon videos? I need to know if I- Well, here's what you get with it. If you become a Patreon member, if you're a fan of this podcast, you should be, okay? Just join, become a member. You get the podcast before everybody, Thursday night,

video and audio, before anybody. So you get it early. So you get to see it early. We also get live from the shed, okay? Before anybody sees that, we put them up on the YouTube, like six months later, but you guys get them for that time.

You get a Colin Quinn, Keith Robinson. You got Liza. Draker. No. Oh, sorry. Mannelli? No. I want to be great though.

Oh, like a Colby. Like a Colby. Geez, you just step on every. Who's Liza Colby? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. So thank you for being a member. You also get live from the shed, you get that, you get all my tech stuff goes up there first. I have a new review of the Psychop Backpack sling that's going up.

We have a new, all the creeps with kids. Some of them. I have an awesome video of Connect 4. We did on the tour that's going up there first. That's going up this weekend. Along with what? Ask Bobby. Oh, Ask Bobby, what you're doing today, I guess, after this show.

So there you go. Patreon.com, session, Robert Kelly. Robert Kelly live.com Madison was content this weekend. How should be fun? Comedy on state. Have you played that club? No, that's incredible, man. What an amazing club. Awesome. Why is it so good?

What's it all on? I don't get it on state street where everybody goes and party. It's great. It's great. Great. Such a good room is slammed. People there. What's the name of it? Comedy on state. Yeah. That's great. Friday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and then I come back Sunday and then I'm in a rumba. Nice's all about you. There you go. Ricky, I'm sorry. That's fine. And then you're in the city after that until January. And then creeps with kids to our starts back up. And I'm at the Philly punchline baby, New Year's Eve.

Ugh. What? What? I hate doing New Year's Eve. I don't because I'm bringing my kid and my wife out the Philly for three days. We're gonna walk around. We're gonna see all the sites. I love all the late, it's nice.

I'm excited about that in the punch line. I love those people. And New Year's Eve at comics, it's always a stress. It's always anxiety. Like this is gonna suck. It's gonna be crazy. People are gonna yell at me. People are gonna scream at me.

They're gonna be too drunk. They have noise, mate. And all of a sudden, you do it, and it's the best crowds ever. And you have a great time. I don't do it anymore. Yeah, I, I, it takes a lot to get me out, but you know, the punchline got me out.

So it's my lovers birthday. The last time me and my wife spent it together, and we went to a beautiful restaurant. We had a beautiful meal at around five of midnight. We stepped out of the restaurant on, on one of my favorite restaurants, 44 in X. It's right on 44th Street in 10th. The best fillet in the city that nobody knows about.

We stepped out in the corner and we looked up the street and we watched the ball drop right up. We could see all the stuff and we heard it and boom, the place exploded in the distance. We started kissing and then some guy threw out fucking something in my fucking hair and my wife's hair and we didn't know what it was like, fuck this city. Fuck you people.

You fucking savages, amateur night. That's what it is. A bunch of amateurs getting fucking shit faced. Fucking fuck cock suckers. Fucking asshole. Fuck them, the motherfuckers. Either I'm home or I'm fucking, I'm doing a show. So this year, Philly punch line.

What else, Mike? All right. Ricky, what do you got? I'm in Miami at the Miami improv, the 2021st. Miami improv, it's back. Where? It's great. I was actually just down there

partying. Really? And then with a child. What? You can actually my wedding. Oh, yeah. So I wanted to attack you. And then back back in a face. And then, but like Alana Glazer was down there doing it for the weekend. she said the room's incredible really who yeah Razor Broad City broad city which one the short shorter one the one with the dark girl here Curly her curly. She's I love that show. She's really funny. She's really Wait, she did the Miami improv. Yeah, and she says it's a great room. I used to love the old Miami improv. Yeah, it's back.

When it first started, when it was up on the second floor, I'm pumped. Coconut Grove was, now you get murdered. Well, that was the first time I had been in Miami. So, yeah, I went for my wedding. And, you worked for your wedding? No, I went for it. Oh, right, I'm sorry.

They have another one too. It's at the hard rock, I believe. I'm doing that with millennium. The whole the whole next week. Who? Millennium Pete were do a day. Davidson and John Malaney. Oh my god. John Malaney is fine.

I was hilarious next week. It's gonna be fun. I just did comics come home with Malaney. Dude, be mother fuck. I love that. It's unreal. I went up to him. I just did comics come home with Melannie. Dude, be mother fuck. I love that. It's unreal. I went up to him. I remember you.

The balloon bit is fucking years ago at the seller. I had to follow him all the time. And one of the, I was like, dude, you are a fucking. Like, like people don't understand how fucking what a murderer you are. Such a, and she's so unassuming, because I thought, thanks. Yeah, I know.

He's awesome. He's the coolest guy in the So thanks. Yeah, I know he's awesome. He's a cool guy in the world. I really like. That's great. Yeah, the work with him has been awesome. That's great. And, you know, and of course, Pete, that's great. Now, this whole thing with him with the million dollar and a good for him.

Good for him. People are giving him shit. It's like go fuck yourself. You know, you're supposed to be that's supposed to be the safe place. You go and say what you want and have fun and we cannot laugh. And you guys are making it like he's in a, the fucking, like he's in a mall

doing the shit in front of kids. Go fuck yourself. If you go see a comic, keep you trap shut. The mob baby. Now come after you. I hope he, I hope he takes somebody's house. It's weird. What do you mean?

It's just weird. It's weird that that's how far it has to go now. Look, it's I'm sure it's. It's like, listen, I'm with all of his saying is that whatever the fuck I want on those shows. All he's saying is this, I just want my fans to come. I don't want somebody who's half a fan of really not a fan to come. If you're a fan of mine, you'll sign whatever who gives a phone. Oh, dude, we've been in situations where like there's a guy sitting in the back of the room with an notebook. Yeah, that's not allowed. Of course, because they want to take them out. They want to fucking have, they want clicks on their website.

They want this bullshit. Good for him. I know, I wish they'd do that everywhere. I really do. I wish that every club, every comedy club, there should be a sign. If you, because you should, but I mean, you can't even really leave a review at that point. You can't even be able to really, you can't leave a review. You can just go, he was great jokes with jokes. That's talking about it. No, no, no, no, no, you can talk about it. You can't repeat those jokes. You can't print his jokes. No, his NDA says you can't give an opinion. Yeah, you can't give an opinion. You can't go that well

That's just on American That's fucking come on. What's more American? They should take your fucking phones away at every club. Yeah, well they do here at the comments. I love it. I love it Love it. It looks like they're sitting with evidence in front of them. Yeah, everybody with their yellow Manela envelopes. Yeah, they are. It's how fucking good. The first night. They did that I got on stage after they had implemented that. I Almost started like I was 20 minutes in and I was like so good. Oh my god. This is the way it used to be. The audience is a unit. You know, no, everyone's paying attention. It was fucking amazing. Yeah, it's cool.

So you're working there. Now this hotel is shaped like a guitar. Yeah, yeah. It's supposed to be really, really cool. Wait till you drive up. I think we're gonna hit Disney too. Wait till you drive up on this hotel. Get high before you drive up on it.

I will. You're gonna fucking lose your mind. And and then crash with your kid because there's kids not going to do you're driving down all of a sudden you see this massive guitar hotel. Yeah, I saw it because I drove from I drove from Miami to West Palm. Okay. Yeah. And I got to see it. It's really sick. That's such a fucking weird tour Malaney and Pete and you yeah, it's fun. I get you and Pete But how did Malaney get in there because they just became friends and then Malaney was Awesome to be around and hang out and like learn from like honestly like just learn from how you like how he moves is really cool And um, he's just like he's just really fucking smart and really, really funny. And he can joke with the guys. Good. Yeah. Are you guys talking about me? No. No. I am now, though.

Where are you going to be? You're going to make fun of me. Yep. And some of comic. Memoir that the speech you gave earlier. Yeah. About how we are. Yeah. All right. Well, this week and next week, I'm at the Cherry lane. Loser. Fucking loser. Cherry lane is awesome. Of course, I'm joking, dummy. Oh, you're like, no, you have no comic anything in you. Just immediately stuck up with the, the cherry lane is off.

It is a great. It's a great theater. It really is a great theater. It's a good theater. You fat, that's the shabby version. Fat lips. Come on. I'm doing my one woman show, 25 questions for Jewish mother. I've heard about this.

Based on interviews with Jewish mother show. It's very. I love it. It's a very good. I want to come see it. It's very intense. Oh, is it? I mean, it's funny, but it's also really sad.

Well, you help me do, I have a one-man show idea. Will you help me do it? Yeah, that's what I teach. Yeah, and will you help me do it? Will you produce it and direct it? I will. I'll help you. I'll help you with it.

You should come see my, listen up. I will come see yours. I will come see yours. But I only have three performances this week and three performances next week. I want to do a show called My Ten Dads. And I want to do a thing about that. Oh, that's a great idea. All the father figures I've had over my life.

I'll totally help you with it. What do you love that? Can I play a young you? No, he's got that. That's actually work. Well, yeah, you can definitely, I would love that. I will totally help you. Oh, my God.

I couldn't. It's going to be funny though, because I don't know how you'd be a young man, but you know it's like It's a lot of work, but I will totally help you with it. I will wait. That's what I do. I teach that I'm gonna get it to you about so I go see your your your one person show right um and then I don't want to piss off Sesame Street. Oh Yeah, right um I'm looking at my I literally literally, I'm not kidding. I have no work until January.

I'm in Florida. Good for you. Where in Florida do you go? I'm going to, what am I doing? I'm going to Boca and Aventura. Ricky's just like, good for you, man. No, it's not. I love Florida, man.

I'm falling in love with it. It's great. Yeah. And then I have a book for you, man. I love Florida, manphone and love with it. It's great. And then I have a book coming out in June. What is the book called? Yes, I can say that. I love you. When they come for the comics, we're all in trouble. It's about freedom of speech.

I'm sure I'll piss a lot of very lefty people off, but you know what can I do. And then I just did some episodes of better things. The famed launch on show on. Oh, this is last season. This new season coming up. This is the last one though. It is. Yeah. Oh, you didn't know that. You thought there's going to be like a running gig. I'm sorry. I think they're bringing it back. I think they just made them out. I think it's going for a couple more sees. I fucked up. I'm sorry. That's always the worst thing because when you do a couple episodes and something like, oh, I'm going to be irregular. I'm going to be this could last for four years. I'll get dental. I think it I could be wrong about that. Oh, and then I am, Judy, I'm sorry. I think they bring it up. Hi, can

you look it up? Please, Michael, look it up. Let me look it up. I'm Mike's going to look it up. Mike's our web guy today. Watch how fast he looks it up. It's fucking be hit tomorrow. Can you get Mike to point out a look it up on the phone? Kill myself. Yeah, so I play Chaya on that. What's her name? Chaya? Are you Catholic? Chaya. You know, Gabby's one of your, she's a tribesman.

Emma Jew. Really? I know. It's really hard to tell. What is that about? Is it all Jew? Polish Jew. I'm half Polish Jew, half English, Christian or whatever.

Oh, okay, that's why. Yeah, yeah. But even the Jews are all, they're all blonde blue eyes. Right, because they're Polish. I'm half Polish too. But wait, who's Polish, your mother, your father? My dad. I don't say final season.

It doesn't say final season. Can you put FX cancels to blah blah blah, see if that comes up. Anyways. Hi. Bobby's rooting for you. Can you put FX cancels? Blah blah blah, see if that comes up. Anyways. I. Bobby's rooting for you. I, no I am. I like Pam.

I love Pam. Yeah, what happened? Yeah, now it's not going. What is this? Fine now. I'm back. All right. What else you got?

I mean, honestly, God, you're one of my favorite people, Judy. I love you so much. It's so hard though. I gotta tell you, like, God, you're one of my favorite people, Judy. I love you so much. It's so hard though. I gotta tell you like I, you know, I love doing stand-up more than anything in the whole world. Yes. You know, the clubs, they, you know, it's just hard. I can't get gigs on the road. I do theaters, which is nice. But it's just, it's really hard when you get to be a little older and a woman. It's not easy. You know, these fucking And I'm right up your asshole, you know, I mean, you got so many new comics

and there's so many funny new comics. Right. You have to create your own shit. That's why I'm treating me. It's not you. No, no, no. It's just hard. First of all, we said funny.

Thank you. So yeah. I mean, I still, I no. It's just hard. I really do. First of all, we said funny. So you can, yeah. I mean, I still, I'm doing sets here and stuff. I mean, I'm still gonna work, but I'm not going on the road for a month, which is really good. Try that Patreon. Ha ha ha ha. Here, I'll write another book.

I can't. No, I'm not. You could do a Patreon. You can write books. I try to write a book. They won't want me to write a book. Who won't? It's that. You can write, you don't need, you can just write the book and then hand it to somebody when you're done. No, I had, I was assigned. Hmm. See, I wasn't assigned to book. I wrote a book.

You did? Yeah, I'm a published author. I'm in the writers' guild. So am I. I, um, I wrote cheat. A man's guide to Infidelia, how to cheat book, get away with it. Did you buy it, right, to buy yourself? Me, Billy Burr, and Joe D'Rosa wrote it. And then we got all of them. I was in the pilot that you guys made. That's right.

Background, you know. We made the, that was the movie we had. I was like three months into comedy and I got somehow accosted into that. Yeah, I was really pumped about that. It's a great movie. Oh. It's a short film we made that was it actually got accepted into Tribeca Film Festival.

Oh, really? Yeah. And then we actually... Oh, I love to see that. And that film got us the book deal, which Simon and Schuster and then we got a script deal with FX because of that. Oh, crazy. Oh, okay.

Best shows of 2019. The first show listed better things. It didn't say that it was canceled. Shut the fuck up. I can't joke with you at all. I mean, what do I close it though? At this point in my career. You're doing great. You've always done great.

I just have always worked my end up. Because you create stuff. Right. That's why I created creams for kids. I understand, but it would be nice had I. It's not your life. I know. I just want to relax.

I know you do. I just want to not have to work. You want to look in the back and have 10 million like some of these other fuck faces. Who are not that talented? Well, you can't say that. No, some are not that. Some are lucky.

Some are lucky. Yes. The whole thing is luck. Or just better business people. I noticed that a lot. There are just some people that just. No, well the whole thing is luck or just better business people I noticed that a lot there are just some people that just now some of it is better at business Yeah, but some of it is yeah, some people want to be famous for something. They want to be funny I want to be people do both. I want to be funny. Yeah, so there you go. I want to just do good. You're funny Bobby What are you deaf? Oh, no, sorry You're funny. Bobby. What?

I didn't do much. Are you deaf? Oh, no, sorry. Gabby, what do you got besides? Hey, here. Oh, thank you so much. What's happening? I can't hear anything.

Well, I will. Don't nobody move. What are you doing? The studio and apparently something's unplugged. Go ahead. What do you got? I have a new show at the stand called our time of the world. Sold out last sold out. We got moved from upstairs to downstairs. Fucking sold out. So great. What is it?

It's a monthly standup show. She has a lot of women community. I want to do it. Do it. When is it? Then I don't have the date for the next month yet, but we're always before. I want to work at the stand. I haven't worked there since the show. Janice did it last night. Janelle. Money. Dolce Saislohn. Bonnie. Oh, I love it. It was so good.

Please. Yes. 100%. There's nothing to say to the guy who's gay, but not gay. Yes. Right. There's so many of those. I love Ricky's eyebrow.

I brought it up. He was so funny. It was nice. I got rigged. Oh, rigging. Uh huh. Follow was like, ah, I get rigged. I got rigged. Rigging, boo. Follow us our time of the week on Instagram and then we'll post the next date.

And then if you're in Brooklyn, I have a monthly show called Jiggy With It at the Way Station, first Wednesday of every month. And then I have another monthly show at Barry Electric called Happy Baby and the next one is December 20th. And don't forget about your period each month. And I do get my period. I don't. I don't forget about your period each month. And I do get my period. I don't, I don't get it anymore. I'm not by period.

But you get the sweats a lot because you have a hysterectomy. No, I didn't have a hysterectomy. You have menopause. One of my favorite things on Instagram is when you're hot, clammy face. Oh my God. This is menopause.

Oh, I, I posted all my hot flashes and people thanked me. My kids were like, Mommy, no, wait until he answered that. I love it. I love it. It's so fucking horrible. Like all of a sudden you get hot, it's not outside. It's not like you feel it on your skin. It starts coming out inside you and just fucking sweat.

It's so annoying. What is that doing? Don't gricky stay away from it. You don't need to go. Stay away from it. Thirty more years. You won't have to do it. It's fucking horrible. It's fucking horrible.

What do you got, Mike? I'll be at Lafayette Latin, Tantoni, this weekend with Paul Verzi. Why do you have a cowlick in your beard? Oh, I do. I do. Well, all right. They go.

Matter of fact. I guess that we won't even try to be funny with that. We'll just have a cowl looking. You'd be a go mic. Yeah. That I hired you to fucking unfunny twins. Fuck you. Thanks for trying to be fun.

That's nice. I got spitted out. And yeah, that's it for this month. Hey, buddy. Zach, are you guys know all my stuff? Thanks for listening. Zach, what do you Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Spectacularismos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.

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