Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Work Friendz | The Regz w/ Ari Shaffir, Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #60

Episode Date: April 9, 2026

Ari Shaffir, Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder discuss Joe’s Birthday and the no zing zone, if catering is still BBQ, steak tips, who is the divide and conquer narcissist, Paco as a Janitor, Guatemala, who looks like what wrestler, does Joe look like the Elf on the Shelf, Ari admits REGZis better than Protect our Parks, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital.  LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607 SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/ https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/  https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS  Kikoff Build credit fast and get your first month for just a dollar at getkikoff.com/REGZ today. RoSparks https://www.ro.co/regz for $15 off your first order BodyBrain Coffee Use code REGZ20 to get 20% off https://www.BodyBrainCoffee.com/ Lucy Get 20% off first order w/ code “REGZ” The Perfect Jean F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the code REGZ15 at http://theperfectjean.nyc/REGZ15 Shopify Support the show & sign up for your $1/month trial of Shopify. Head to https://www.shopify.com/regz Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Fill her up. You know network. What's up, everybody? We're back in studio. Joe List, Dan Soda, Lewis, Jay Gomez, and me, Bobby Kelly. You wear my hat.

You like that. Put it on, you look good. This is a medium, it says. It looks good on Bobby. On Joe, it looks like he's selling newspapers. Well, it doesn't fit. It's not the right fit size.

Yeah, I think it looks good on you, dude. You're from Boston. That's Boston Scali. You have to have one of those. That's the Boston Scali Company, too. They're the shit. Let me see that. Let me see.

Let me see, he won't fit on his head. Yeah, it's going to yumb it. It's a bit on my head, let alone soda. He'll make one for his head. Yeah, they can't. I'd bankrupt the company. Happy birthday, buddy. Thanks.

Happy birthday, buddy. It's literally today is my birthday. We didn't get the birthday was six days ago. His birthday is. We weren't around. We got a happy birthday to both the boys. I got a text message from you. Yep.

I got a text message from you. Oh. I said the first text of the day. Are you being for real? Mine was like 8.30 in the morning. Oh, have you saved his Danny. Wow. Danny's worked on his acting.

No. Oh, wow. Look at how good you are. Good. Oh, my God. In fact, what's funny is, he texted me back. I texted him on Friday. What did you say?

And then he, I texted him on his birthday. Friday. That's on my birthday. My birthday was Wednesday. Bitch, I got dates for you. Bid. April 1st, Doug. April 1st is my birthday.

What does it say? Let me see. What does he say? I had so many, I had so many texts. They all pointed to you. Joe is a fucking ass on the show. I know. I'll talk to him.

Oh, this part down here. Happy birthday, Wednesday, 12.30 a. 12.30? Oh, he went from the first. That's not. Yeah, it might be one of the first ones. Well, that's bullshit. The night before happy birthday is gay.

No, that's, no, it's 11.20 a.m. He's not reading. Oh, okay, okay. Probably has trouble with numbers. Wednesday, April 1st, happy birthday. Probably can't read individual numbers. I have trouble with friends, too. Lewis just tries to make me look bad.

I'm sorry, dude. Hey, try to make it back. Take it back. That's fun. Well, happy birthday. Thanks, man. 44 years old. Joe's 43.

I'm 44 with the same age, you dip shit. What are you talking about? Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday. Are you going to get Joe a cake? Shit to me. I know. It's horrible.

Can I tell you about Joe is such a fussy child that the cake was coming out and he was thrashing in his chair? Like frosting flakes on it? But he went like this. He went, If I don't get a fucking brownie delivered to me in the next 30 seconds. It's fucking unbelievable that anybody would get a fucking man, a strawberry. Hey! What do you have a?

This is an old person cake? It's a mom cake. Is this an open house? This stinks. This is a corner piece. Welcome. The pamphlets over there. Please put the booties on it.

If you want to slice a cake, take a look out back. We have a gazebo out back. Thank you, Spider. This is the cake they give when you're bringing your grandma to an old folks home to see if she likes it. Yeah. Where they go, and by the way, back off. Back off.

And we have cake. Every Sunday there's cake. Your abuela will love the cake that we have. The fact that we didn't mush that in his face. By the way, Paco. That's a diabetic person cake. Paco did my show the other night? Yeah.

Murdered. There you go, Paco. No. And I didn't even think he was going to, I thought Paco's going to return that cake. First of all, for him, he should. Paco brought us coffee and I said, I'm going to put you on my show. I was joking. And then he's just like, hey, I saw your day.

What time should I be there? Good job, Paco. He did the old. Take something of holding you. Good for you. Take advantage of every opportunity in front of you. Showed up early. Brought an underage girl to the...

Underage girl, Paco. Yeah. He's like, hey, the male out of 16-year-olds in. I'm like, what? No. How old was she? How old was she? Underage boy.

Jesus. Oh, that's better. I will say gay pedophilia is a little less bad than straight pedophilia. You think, you think, what? A 16-year-old boy, a 16-old boy, All right, if you're gay, hold on, hear me out. I'm going to get through this. I'm going to get through this one.

I don't. So far, I love it. Let him work it out. Let him work it out real time. If you are a gay guy and you hook up with a 16-year-old twink, twink. Yeah. That's more acceptable than a straight guy hooking up with a 16-year-old girl. Why?

Because of the learning curve? The mentorship. You mean it's more acceptable in society or you do? It's not kung fu fuckface. Yeah. It's right. I wish that could be the title of the episode. It's not Kung food.

It's still underage. I'm saying if Pacca was banging a 16-year-old boy, I would accept that more than if it was a 16-year-old girl. I wouldn't. I'd accept it more if it was a 16-year-old girl. Because they're already fucked. They're gay. Oh, wow.

Come on. Come on, dude. Come on that guy. That's what Paco's going to do. That's why he brought him. Who was it? It better have been a family member. A childhood friend.

If I'm the real father, I'm fighting. Where were you? I was with Paco. Who? Who the fuck? I was a Paco. Hey, Ashley, why is our son with a guy named Paco and a baseball?

Well, you know, Gary, right? Yeah. He has a friend who is a father and his stepson. Did you need to, were you babysitting him? Hawaii. I hate the way I'm from Hawaii say Hawaii. They have to say Hawaii.

They're visiting from Hawaii. They're visiting from Hawaii. How is it? Hawaii. That's not even right. It's supposed to be a V. Hawaii. Hawaii.

Hawaii. No, brother. His mana was strong. I love the three white guys are going. That's not right. He's a fucking idiot. He's a fucking idiot. Us, he's a fucking hoolies?

One of those wide nose. Anyways, he killed. Killed. What was the best joke? I didn't watch. I just kind of heard. Paco's been killing. He killed at the VU last week, too,

when he was doing a little spot. He did the one joke. That was the last joke that you closed him. It was, uh, That's verbatim. Something like that. It's exactly how he said it. How's your birthday brownie?

Because you didn't like your cake. It's very good. I'm happy. I mean, I would have preferred it up. They wanted to be like a surprise. They just let it sit around in the fucking house for a while. What are you going to do when your son wants to go up for a steak dinner? Yeah.

When his tastes, when his boys taste evolve him. Your dad, asparagus isn't gross. If it's buttered and cook well, it's quite nice. We went out for steak dinner. dinner yesterday. I don't want brownies again and chicken fingers. He's a seven-year-old pushing away chicken fingers. He goes Can I get something nice? Yeah, you know what?

You're right. Next time, next episode, I'll have him go get me a steak and fucking asparagus during the podcast. You know, fucking dildo. I love a steak. I eat steak. I eat asparagus. I'm smart. Not like everyone says. I'm smart and I want respect. Godfather. You guys can't zing me. It's my birthday.

Zero listening. Zero Zings? The whole episode. We're in a no zing zone. Wait a minute. You know what? It's my birthday the other day, too. You can't sing me or Joe. Your birthday was five days and go. You did that fuck.

And you did the worst thing is you lied about a happy birthday wish. So now it's a birthday. That is the worst thing. That is the worst thing. He said the, Paco, the young boy. He defended.

Yeah, but that's sexy. Fucking incestual. A couple minutes. Guys, this is all real sexual stuff. You refuse a birthday wish, which now becomes a birthday curse.

Oh, no. Hey, let's do a plug for Ari's show because we're getting paid on that shit. I wrote, I wrote him happy. I wrote, I love that show.

I wrote him Happy Birthday Thursday. Yeah. I went happy birthday, bro. Sorry I'm late. That's what I wrote. Sorry I'm late. And he wrote, never put it in.

He wrote, all good, bro. Oh. All good, bro. Were you mad? What you mean? Let me see. It's you. That's rough.

All good, bro. That's text at 8.30 in the morning. Yeah. First thing when you woke up. Oh, good, bro. You were late. You were day late, and I wasn't holding your feet to the fire.

That baby, it's like, hey, man, thanks, bro. I love you. You still got it. That's crazy. day late. No, but comfort him. No, but you've got to comfort him.

I'd be like, oh, no, but thank you so much for the late birthday gift, Bobby. I'm here and I see that. And, and whoa, whoa, who gave you a present? Literally no one. What are you talking about? No, the cigars. He gave you fucking $150 worth of Stokes.

And those top ones right there, those are from Cuba Hotel National. Those are little dog walkers in between. What do Cuban, what makes Cuban cigars good? I think the tobacco is good How they roll it They were the first Back in the day

They were the ones Who were making cigars They were the motherfuckers And then after the Cuban Bullshit missile crescent And day of pigs We couldn't get them Any bullshit

A pig Day of pigs It's so funny Nuclear weapons We couldn't get them any Is this nuclear weapons You want to get us A day of pigs

I don't know what happened Fucking boom They come around These fat girls Are trying to fuck I had a few nights of pigs You know what What did?

Happy birthday. What a dick move Kennedy did with the Bay of Pigs. Oh, here we go. When he put the sanctions on, he made them get a palette of Cuban cigar, his cigars, and sent them to him and then did the sanctions. He's like, oh, they got him back. Piece of shit. Two in the head.

I still have your cigar. You gave me the pre-embarko Cuba. Pre-embarko Cuba that I got you in San Francisco. It's like this big. It's fucking huge. It's this big. It's a little big. That's huge.

But it's thick. No, it's really thin. Yeah, but it's nice. But it comes in a big tool. Oh, you need. That big? What kind of greedy bitch are you? That's how you use it.

Pre-embarkergo. I don't know if you can smoke it, though. You what? I don't know if it's... I bought one and I spoke. You technically smoke anything. Okay. He goes, hand me that.

You can smoke a boy's cock. It's better than a woman. Remember? That was the worst Lewis I've ever heard in my life, and I've heard everybody do a Lewis. He's in a no zing zone. No zing zone for jump. Does he get to bomb Dan if he bombs?

Yeah. No. No. Doesn't recognize thing zones. This doesn't recognize birthdays. Are you kidding? Silence doesn't recognize birthdays. Silence, earthling.

That's what you did for Easter? You went and got a steak? What? You went to go to Easter? Went to got a steak. Well... How small did you cut it? Actually, it was Saturday.

And I posted a photo. Am I... Topic alert? Am I fucking retarded when it comes to steak with medium well and medium range? Did you guys see my post? I didn't see your post. What is it?

Now I'm going to know. I'm going to send you to the group because I'm not handing you guys my phone. Are you some sort of meat connoisseur? You love meat. Well, my aunt used to get a fucking, every time we'd get a steak, should we get well done? It's crazy. Like, extra well done. That's crazy.

To the point where I don't allow her, I'm like, she'll take a medium. But I want it well done. I'm like, shut your mouth. Give her a boot and just go eat that. That's crazy. I'm sending it off. Well? I hate hamburgers well done.

People get well done. You know what that fucked up? What the fuck is that? What is that? power move. That worked. No, I was saying. What's up?

What? Porch, thin pork chops overcooked is why I can't get KDD. I love pork chops. I think the pork chop is so fucking. I love a pork chop. They never have it anymore.

It's so good. I used to love a pork chop. My aunt used to make these pork chops. You ever get the double? Fried pork chops and then some fucking... There's a place in Austin where Joe's moving. The double cut pork chop up the street from the theater there? Yeah.

It's like that big. Ooh. Great food town. Good pork chop. It is a good food town. It's a good, I mean, not Tim Dillon's. It's just the worst. Send the, I did send the pick.

You just responded to it. Oh, it hasn't gone through yet. You responded to that. It's got, it's almost going through. Why don't you show it? Because I'm not, because I'm not pulling my phone out with you fucking jackals. Why? What are you hiding?

Yeah, listen right here. Let me tell you something right now. It's a smart move. Yeah. When the text comes through, everyone can see it. You take a hand gesture class? Yeah, I'm working on my head. It's fucking a OC.

He's like, so, just so you guys. Guys, I really do feel, did you guys watch the Manosphere, doc, where they said they all do the same thing, where they hold all the guys in the Manosphere all hold their hands like this when they talk to look smart. We should do that. We should all have our hands. We should go in the Manusphere. Dude, I'm trying to join the Manosphere. What part of it? We can't get me on late night. Can we even the Manosphere? We are the Manosphere.

We're on the lower level. We're on the B, the Bay. We're down low. No, you're not in the Manifier. You respect your wife. You're the back guy. We're the wolves in the back. We're just old.

We're just sitting there waiting for the foggy eyes. No, I was watching the Manosphere doc, and I'm like, my wife just kept her name. These guys would, like, beat me up. Her nose would. Did she legally keep her name? Yeah. Well, she tried to change it, but it was a pain in the end.

It's not easy to change it. She's also, like, she's a comedian. That's her name. Yeah. I think it would only help her. I think it would only operate to change her name. To his name? Yeah.

Sarah List. Sarah Liss. But people already know her as Sarah Talimosh. She's a public figure. It's a pay in the, balls. He just went like the... Well, Sarah's about to blow up.

You know why? She's on Shane's episode of the storytelling thing. Oh, that's more. And she's number one. I'm on Shane's episode. I know. I got fucked.

I'm on Shane's episode, too. I know. Yeah, what's up? I met Shane's one time. I'm with like fucking, I'm with Paco and Moody. Joe Russell. My episode stinks.

It's all. What's funny is I wasn't even gonna do it and then Shane was like what hey come tell football stories with me and I was like all right and then we went up there and then Shane was just hilarious and I went glad I'm here I just stand next to Shane while he's hilarious

on the show so you're on with Shane yeah I went on the same time well he was like come and do tell me the story about when you lost in football and I'll tell and then he just talked about leaving West Point it was so funny that you're like I'm going to West Point Saturday it's fun we went to a Vanderbilt game there that's right I'm going to see Army Navy lacrosse yeah that's fun dude you get to see cannons that were

in like the 1812, war of 1812. Okay. It's where Benedict Arnold fucking. Oh, you got him going now, dude. This is like fucking... I'm bringing it. History. It goes fucking storm chasing.

History right there. Old battles? Old battlegrounds? Like an old battle story. I love it. But go look at all the shit that's there. I'm bringing a sea cushion. Is that bad?

No. That's great. You're old. And your ass isn't as fat as it was. It's not. Yeah, you're all bone now. It gets cold and it hurts really quick. Yeah, the older you feel is when you go outside and you want to

bring a leg blanket. Oh, a leg blanket. I remember going to football games and seeing people like older men with leg blankets. I'm like, this pussy. And then now I'm like, you turn into FDR eventually. Pull up the steak and tell me if this is

medium rare. Just go ahead and tell me. The two photos. I'm looking at the photos right now. It's not medium rare. But this is the thing. This has happened to me at the stage. That's not even cooked properly.

That's cut half one way. That's good upside down. It's well done on one side. It's well done and then medium wear. Holding it with a torch. Well, wait a minute. The one on the left is medium rare. That's the medium rare.

That's medium rare. That's medium rare. Is that the edge of it? 100% medium rare on the left. Yeah, because it's cooked on the outside and kind of rare on the inside. The one on the right looks like it was just thrown on the ground in the summer. That's dog meat. So I got to go, I think I got to order rare.

What is that little side dish you got up there on the fork? Ash potato. They give it oil and butter. It's fucking. like jizz. It's so delicious. Where'd you go? Del friscoes? Oh, Delphiscoes is great. Can I say something about, I love Del Friscoes, but they do fuck up a lot. They fuck up a bunch. A lot on the,

when I get medium rare, it always comes out fucking too much. Thank you. You got to say raw and it will come out medium rare. This is exactly what I need to be here. You're fucking, whatever you call that, when people want to be just the bottom. I go there all the time. Like, yeah, he's confirming your reality. Yeah. Yes. But you know what I've heard before with cooking steak if you order it? Because even though they take it off the grill, it's still cooking.

Yeah. So, like, that's what happens. A good steakhouse is going to put it on the plate the way it's supposed to be. For 10 minutes. Five, ten minutes. You got to leave it on the plate. I have a perfect, I cook perfect steak. Five, five, four, four, three, three, two, one, one.

And then you're done. I'd see, I knew eight six, seven, five, three. Five, five, four, three, two, two, one. That's crazy. That's actually crazy. Try it. What's wrong with that? It's just too much work.

First of all, I taught you had a fucking cook. I, I've, I've, I've, That's not how I could say. So I guess you didn't. Well, you don't know. I guess you didn't listen. I guess you didn't. Because you don't listen.

What I do is you're such a stubborn little shit. I'll tell you, what I went to you. Can I do mine first? Can I just say something? The first time you had a barbecue. 8, 675301. Oh, so you just didn't hear it.

He, uh, he's in the birthday zing zone. He called me when he first got his house and he got a barbecue. He got a fire pit. He got everything. He goes, dude, come over. And I brought a bunch of shit. Right? And I come over and he goes, I don't know how to, can you cook this for me?

I was on the barbecue all night. I remember this. I had a barbecue one time. I brought all the shit. He was like, I'll do it, dude. Sit back. I got it. He's what he does.

No. He's got to fucking make it his thing. He said, it sucks. That part's true. It sucks. When you have a barbecue for more than four people, it starts to be annoying to be the person cook. So I cater those barbecues now.

I just order great barbecue. I love that. That's what I do. I fucking think that's a barboh. It's literally a barbecue. You have a barbecue. You cook the fucking food. No, you don't know.

I'm with Lewis on this one. If I go to a barbecue and there's catered food, I'm like, you don't care about the barbecue. Can I say I cook your steak? Can I just look at Dan for one second? Lewis, you can look at me. I'm with you. I have a barbecue and you've known this. I've had your steak tips.

And I'm still not looking at you. I've had your steak tips. I cook. Max's birthday? We're on the grill the whole point. You're not going to take. Lewis ignored your steak tips. If I go.

If I go. The brownies fueling him to the mood. If I go to a person's house. He's on at his birthday. Look, the girls calling me. What's that? Erica Madera. Side piece.

If I go to barbecue or a party and they have trays from other places. Say it again. Unless it's like fried chicken. What do you mean trays? Like black people? It's like, that's tray. That's all. Trey Vaugh.

Trey. Trey cool. Trey. Trequeen. Yeah, I don't like it. You cook your food, dude. That's how I cook my steak. Bring the pants.

I hired a cast digital. I listen to Joe Rogan. You get a cast iron pan and then you put it on a gas grill. And then you cook the rest in the oven. You learn from Joe Rogan. The fuck are you talking about? Go through your process. I'm just saying shit.

Am I somebody who listens to fucking Joe Rogan and bringing up Joe Rogan's things? No, you literally listen to nobody. Nobody, no. You were more likely to listen to Joe Rogan and fucking cook on his fucking way. The fuck you told him that. He just gave up on that landing. Cook it is. I got nothing.

Take us there. I have my own fucking technique. I use my... 5544-3-3-3-2-2-1-1. We got it. Bang, medium. I don't be tickling enough. Can you do it now.

55-44-4-4-0. No, start-old-old. You got to do this. 8-7-6-5-309. What do you do? Kenny, I got your number. I do a searing-hot pan. Right?

Let's do a regular pan. I have a nice pan. But let's use a steering hot pan. A little bit of oil in the pan, a little bit of... Yeah, I'm gonna pan here's special. You don't use oil on the fucking steak. It's nuts. Pan thing almost made me spit.

Use a little bit of olive oil on the pan. When the olive oil starts to smoke, you know, it's hot enough. Two and a half minutes on one side. Two and a half minutes on the other side. Take the steak off the pan. Then you throw the butter in the pan and a little bit of minced garlic, right? All right, I'm back in. Hold on.

I'm loving this. Cooling the pan down. the butter and then it's garlic, right? Then you put it on a low flame, put it back on about two minutes both sides. It's a nice medium rare. And it's seared. I don't know.

Great. I'm back in with the butter, but the oil's ridiculous. Start with the butter. No, you don't want to start with the butter. I put butter on the end, too. When it's resting, I put butter on it. You put butter on your tits. I just said tits and butter.

Not funny. I just said two funny words together. Butter tits. Butter tits is funny, though. It's very fun. Okay. Grab it. Damn.

She's hot, butter tits. I don't know, maybe if someone has like that, too. Thank you, buddy. Well, first of all, me and you do barbecue. These two don't. Oh, Bobby's doing the thing now. He wants to get on the fence. Pulling a barbecue.

I'm just saying. I'm just saying that we do barbecue. Bobby is a divide and conquer narcissists. Like he's number of something Damn, that's a fucking hell of a diagnosis He's got to be He's got a great line This is the same thing you did with Christmas

Joe list is a brownie eating sociopath This is the same thing you did with Christmas If you don't wrap the gifts right You don't do Christmas You were doing this before You don't do Christmas It goes Whatever it was

He goes we bobbecued Unlike these godless heathens No if you travel for Christmas You're not a father Or if you don't know Christmas Christmas can't exist on the road, dude.

You need a baseline for Christmas. You do need a baseline for Christmas. Also, you can't be in more than a third-story apartment or it doesn't connect to the ground here. Yeah, if there's no chimney, it ain't no Christmas, sorry, dude, Santa's got to know where you're at. A chimney does add to Christmas. It does add to Christmas.

Oh, absolutely. It does. Look, you can't celebrate Christmas with your child if you don't have a chimney. I'll give Bobby that. Yeah, I'm not, I don't lie to my child. I say, we went out and bought you these gifts. Jesus.

You're not going to lie to a little Marty about Santa? No. Really? I said the Easter bunny's not real. But you look like a fucking elf on a shelf. Yeah, you look like you helped Santa all off season. That's what he does. He doesn't do Santa, but he just changes his position every day.

You only come to life at night when they're sleeping. Marty grows up and he goes, my dad says he's a comic, but he's not. I swear to God this motherfucker's bill of wooden trains. Oh, I'm sorry. Are we recording this on April 6th, my birthday? Welcome to the Zing Zone. We breached the Zing Zone. Pull up an elf on a shelf.

Joe looks just like one. Oh, yeah. Pull up an elf that's six to a hundred. Joe, can you please move during the show into different spots for us? You know how hard it is for a kid? Joe, go sit over there for a second. Do you know how hard it is for a kid? It'd be funny if Joe is just behind us right now.

I found Joe in the freezer this morning when I woke up. And he's watching me still? You know how hard it is for a little kid to have a... That's why Joe eats sweets all the time because he's a real elf. That's your face, you fucking elf. That first of all. Joe can't eat regular food. He has to eat sweets.

I go off sugar. You're right. That is adorable with a full head of hair and nice long arms and some muscle definition. I'm saying it does. Blue eyes, very cute, small smile. And you're telling you your son that Santa doesn't exist? No, I'm joking. You fucking... Well, if you're not barbecue when you... Do you write a little letter and take a bite of a cookie at night with the milk? The tiniest bite?

All the cookies. He goes, what a mouse bite? First of all he's two. He doesn't give a fuck. He's looking at the cookie. He goes, did he take a money? He's got to grind him up into a powder and suck him up. They're strong. No, but I don't lie. Santa Claus is one thing.

The Easter Bunny. The Easter Bunny, we're not lying. The Easter Bunny's retarded. Yes. Eastonnie's retarded. Yeah, it's fun. This is my... Catholics have the fucking best holidays.

Every other fucking religion sticks to this fucking archaic horse shit that they have to eat this food and that and then read out of this and go, we have the Easter Bunny, we have Santa Claus, we have presents, we have chocolates. Easter is the shit. Easter's candy

This was maybe my first year That I actually really enjoyed Easter Easter is great Great food, great candy We did an Easter egg hunt for the kids Great We did it inside because it was raining Which inside Easter egg hunt was more fun

Than any of the outside one Well outside you gotta really remember Where you put those fucking eggs I found an egg like three springs after Easter It was fucking great That's really funny Yeah Well that we film

We filmed with candy and money and prizes The Jews know how to do it The Jews are like Oh it's it's Hanukah Here's gold coins, practice. They don't. For the Jews, did they fucking, did you see Passover, how boring that food is? Did you see the war?

They're fucking lighting people up. They're good at war. They're good at war. Let me run this by you. Please. And I know how you guys are going to feel. But you used to be good at war. Let me tell you what happened.

So a couple of the moms in the neighborhood go text us and say, we're going to do a little Easter egg hunt. Hot moms? One of them's very hot. Really? Like really hot? Not very, very hot. But hot.

But like you saw it and you went, oh, shit. They get hotter. you get older, by the way. Exactly. Like, you probably wouldn't, you two wouldn't think she's hot, Bobby and I would, I know, I hate to divide and conquer,

but. What are you? What are you? Bobby Kelly? Hey, that's my thing. Who are you, Bobby? Anyways, so they go, Easter egg hunt 10 a.m. Saturday.

We go, great. This is going to be awesome. It's all the kids, all the boys kind of know each other, but they're still in age. They don't really play with each other. Two? Two and a half.

Yeah, he can't figure out of hunt eggs yet. Whoa. So they go, they put all the eggs, and they just go, okay, we get all the kids, and they just take a bag of eggs and they go, woo, and they throw it out like a,

like a, like this, a coach just one of the table. Like they're feeding pigeons? Yes. And so they all just land in the grass and they just start picking up the things. And then there's nothing in the eggs. There's nothing in the eggs.

Yeah. Karen came down and I told her and she almost like, I had to like hold it. I was like, I had my hand over her mouth. I'm like, nothing in the eggs. They just dumped them out.

And we're like, nothing in the eggs is crazy. Nothing in the eggs. Soless. Because it's 2026. And some people won't let their kid have a fucking Eminem or a peanut or a peanut or whatever the fuck. But also, I'm like, we can't hide the eggs.

I went to a British store to buy real Cadbury chocolate. Ew. For fucking his birthday. I mean, for Easter. He's back, but he's not as big as you ask. I feel like you're much later. If I'm getting chocolate at the house, I'm not fucking around on Easter. Oh, he's here again.

Again. Well, then my wife, too, I got beef with her. She did an Easter egg hunt around the house. So we like multiple. It's great. Jelly beans and every single egg. I'm like, put the M&Ms and some.

Get to put a Cadbury chocolate and one of them. And some M&Ms and put some money. And put money. We got wild. We had a golden egg with a 20 in it. Oh. Yeah. We had one egg with a 20,

one egg with a 10. Battery Park City is what he does. There was like a little fucking vacations. There was like six fives. He goes, oh my God, you just got Mike Harrington's social security number. Now you can use that to have your own credit. Maybe 30 or 40 singles.

Thanks, buddy. That's great. Yeah, no, between my niece and my son, they fucking went crazy. Paco, how is your Easter egg hunt on your vacation? Yeah, we know. That's how it works? All right. Oh.

Okay. Okay. That's weird. It was fun. Jesus. Can we give the Bob dead of Paco? Nice assist, Bobby. Jesus.

Bobby threw it out of bounds. Lewis had it. Baco was on the bench. Why? Why would you throw it a pop? Paco in the middle of me speaking. Paco gave it all to his set the other night. Paco's the guy that mops up after someone falls

and Bobby just throwing the ball. He's just dunk it, Paco. Paco's like, he's just watching. We're all talking. He goes, what about you, Paco? Paco's like, look at his phone. He goes, oh, it's all right. No, because he was calling back to his bit

about how you do Easter against the cast vacations. Oh, I see. Yeah. It's funny. This is the thing. Bobby had a good one that he was excited about, so he's like, let me call back to it. You called back to one.

I thought I'd call back to one. I see what's happening. Yeah. It just seemed unhinged and crazy to me. As someone that was listening to Lewis, it came in as, yeah, Lewis. That did, Paco, what about you? And Lewis was like, I give Fort. Okay.

All right, Paco, no. I still to this day have anger because I remember. Let him finish your story. I was linking back into it. I was segueging into it. Thank you. Point coding. I'm the big man, but I can toss it out.

I, uh, like joke, you get, shut the fuck up. Um, my cousin found a $10, $10 in an Easter egg when we were like six. And I remember holding it against them for like seven years because I was like, I was going for that egg. And you, putting money in it is mass. That's why parents don't do the shit anymore. No, we hit, we hit a couple of bunnies in the house. We hit a couple like, uh, chocolate carrots. Then we had the, uh, you find a good egg.

Ferre rochet. We had like golden ones. Those were the good candies. We had like a dozen Ferrer Rochers. mix it with them, then some Cadbury eggs. Then some Milky Ways. You do Roche. That's like fucking adult.

That's like close sex. My niece was selling Roché's my son. You have to wear a robe to eat that thing. Well, your niece probably has good eggs. She's young. Whoa. My wife, forget it.

Christ. That was great. That was great. It's his birthday. No, we tried so hard to find it egg. It's 47, though. But how do you, how do you react when it's just Empty eggs do you go, what the fuck?

Or do you go, oh, cool? The empty eggs was not as appalling as just, like, dump it. She just, they just dumped them out on the ground. The whole thing is fucking redid. Don't do it. Don't do it. You're getting an empty fucking stupid egg. There's nothing in it.

Also, dumping it out like their fucking pig. That's like life. Yeah, we still had fun, but it was like, what is this? And then I had another faux pa. So it was like a bunch of the moms and dads hanging out. And then Sarah was talking to one of the dads. And then Karen came down because it was in Karen's building. Then they both started sucking him off.

No, no. It's a hot story. Give a little to her. I said to... Give a little her. Oh, I got two little Easter parties. Two Easter parties. She was videotaping.

You want to go on a real? Look at it like an elf on a shelf. He goes, Why, I don't want to participate. I want to film. It's my birthday. So she comes down. And, you know, when a comic shows up,

you switch from, we're all the parents are hanging out Eastering to hey there's a comedian here. Yeah, some crazy shit happens. So I go check it out. Sarah's talking about one of the husbands is pretty hot, although he's not one of the hotter ones. I want this one to fuck him.

And then I don't, I'm not thinking because I just go straight into comedy mode. The guy's wife is closer than you are. Oh, God. I don't think she heard. Yeah, she did. 100% heard. Well, she is hard of hearing. So close.

Did you say you want to fuck my husband? Did you just how you want? But if she overheard it, she think, like, We're just sexualizing our husband And we're trying to stay with the other... During an Easter egg hunt. And I called him not that hot. He goes, I hope he pounds Sarah,

but he's not that hot. And the wife is like, excuse me. Just sitting there checking her phone And she goes, what? That is... Are you close with them? Like, do you know them? I mean, not...

I wouldn't say close, but we see them all the time. Do you think she heard you? Well, this is... I don't know. These are your regular friends that you have. That we see. They're not friends, but we see them.

They're like, other people with kids. Yeah, yeah. Other people with kids in the building. Yeah, yeah. So we see him a lot. He goes, you know, they said they wanted to fuck, they want you to fuck Sarah. The guy's grilling, he's like, really?

He's like, looks back. I'm for it. Let's just do it. You know what I mean? You're together a long time. Swop around. Damn. Joe really is going to move to Texas and become a swinger.

He's going to get on TRT. He's going to get all hot dog neck. He's going to come back and be like, you know what's sexy is watching my lady get pounded? Yeah. You know, she's on peptides. We got her new tits, and then we hot wife for around Texas.

I go, I don't like New Joe. I don't like New Joe at all. I want film geek Joe. All right, let's talk about one of our brand new sponsors. You should know, right now, first of all, it is tax season. We've got to talk about real money for a second. And getting your credit over 600 can save you around $2,000 and next time you finance a car.

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Goodbye. Speaking of films, man, this skankfest. Are you watching it? Have you seen a cut? He just sending, he's sending me a little, like, three second clips. That's good. Like a kidnap video? Is it good?

Not what I've seen. It's just. Just Shane being like, oh. Your birthday. No, Shane. Now, we're going to have the Rolling Stones playing into that. I sent a clip of Shane going, Lewis has helped me so much. Big J's helped me so much.

Big Dave has not done shit for me. That's very funny. It's very funny. And then one of the camera guys goes, what are you doing here? You could be selling at a couple theaters. And then Shane says, A couple?

That's great. It was a good birthday gift. When it's going to be done? When is it going to be done? Skangfest. Next Skangfest. But the Miss Skangfest is crazy. Epic.

I missed the whole thing. You guys weren't there either. You weren't even in the fucking city yet. I was hosting it. You were? Yeah, I know you hosted it. It was crazy. Did you see it?

Did you hear about it? What's that? Two women fist, fist, People show their pussy. Tits, pussy. We were doing the talent portion, and the one girl goes, I'll fuck any bitch up in this place. Then another girl who hadn't gone yet,

she was like, I'll fight you right now, bitch. That's my talent too. And we threw them gloves, and they just sort of beating the shit out of each other. It's crazy. Well, one beats the shit out of the other. Which one, the one that said she could? They both have the same name.

Yeah. Wait, was it the one that said, I have the talent of fighting, and she did beat up the other girl? the name, Alexa? Hold on. Yeah. The one who said, I have the talent of fighting did win. The one the challenge, yeah.

That's pretty awesome. And she didn't wear headgear, the other one did. And sure her headgear was all backwards and stuff. It was great. Is this in the movie? It's got to be, yeah, yeah. And then another girl just takes her shaved pussy out. It's like showing her pussy.

It's wild. And that guy, Matan is one of the judges. The whole thing is wild. Joe, that wasn't her pussy. That was a mirror. You were looking at yourself. Damn. Lucy, bro.

My meta. Damn. That was fucking real good. Wait, did you meet a... Meta. Is this online anywhere? Can we watch this? No, it's my footage. But you filmed all that, right?

No, not that. So he's the only one who has the footage. He's got the footage. Yeah. In the dark room. And we got Paco's footage of a guy getting choked. Is there anything in it you can't put in the movie? I think the woman's pussy might be a little tricky.

Oh, if she signs off on it. No, because in the thing, you're like, they're like, is this going out live? And you're like, I mean, there are cameras here, but it's not going out live. I can't, it would be funny to just post it. Can't you put one of our faces over it? That's not bad. You want your face? Lewis?

Put Lewis's face over it. Also, the funniest part of the whole movie is going to be Paco. This is another topic. You should put Nate's face over it. Paco left all of the fights. Laszer fucking, what's that thing? Stun gun fights, MMA fights, boxing matches. Do you know why Paco was?

Because he was wearing all black. No way. Not qualified. He's not a ref. He's never studied. He doesn't know anything about it. Lewis literally goes, Paco, you're at All Black.

You're the referee. Was that the decision? A guy who was going to get killed. He went from being a stage hand and a play to coming in and refing the fights. Hey, Paco, you're in a low level in pop group. There's guys. Come in here. Hey, Paco, put those puppets down.

Come over here. They're literally electrocutting. A guy gets choked to death. His eyes are going like fucking cartoony. And Paco's like, uh, break it up. By the state of Louisiana. By the power vested in me. I know, declare you.

Winner and loser, I don't know. He doesn't know anything about it. He's watched like three fights. And do you have the footage of him decided? Literally, Lewis goes, Paco is wearing all black. You referee for three straight days. I panced over.

There's a guy in a ref shirt. And he goes, hey, I wore my ref shirt today. Fucking hilarious. He was a good ref. Thank you, Paco. He did a good job. Except when the guy got choked out and Paco is just kind of like, I think, stop.

Well, we made up some rules on the, on the fly. Like so for the Royal Rumble fight, which is happening again this year, unquestionably. That was very entertaining to watch. It wasn't until somebody puked in the ring. Did we realize that that should be,

that should be in your out as well. Oh, yeah. If you puke in the ring? If you get so gassed. Ref stoppage, you take a knee, you puke, or you get knocked out. Paco, you did not throw up, did you?

You did, but out of the ring, right? There's this. You just a pukeed in the ring? Is this a puke? No, I swallowed it. You swallowed the puke? Yeah. Oh my God.

Joe, did you want me to pull up the chokeout footage? Or are you keeping that for the dock? I think it's out, right? I think we should keep that. Give a little taste. It's a little gumber, dude. Taser fights are going to be self-wined this year. You're doing Taser fights again?

We're doing Taser fights again. Walmart fights are back. What's a Walmart fight? So they hold a baby. Hold a baby. They get one boxing glove. And whoever drops the baby first loses. It's great.

I remember you did that in Brooklyn. No, we did it here. Butterley had some great lines during that. Are you going to do any... Remember you did the professional wrestling? Yeah, we're talking to a company. That was fun. Yeah.

That video was fun. April 20th, folks. Get those tickets. You're going to get a big company or local? WWE? You're going to bring in Roman Reins and Seth Rowlands? I'm a... I say, I got...

He's undefeated at Skag Festival. What are you guys? What is this? This is crazy. Triple H has a heart condition. He shouldn't have a... be wrestling at Skagfiz. We'll see what happens.

I'm excited. Yeah. It's going to be a big one this year. We've got to find a black roaster. Whoa. We need someone to roast. That's not, we all have all white guys and Lewis. Yeah, well, get better friends.

I mean, it's all you have. Well, I have some black friends. What black friend do you have? Name your black friends. That's not dead or has a stroke. What's his name? Yeah, that's that close. Shit.

Jamal, Jerome. Powell. Head of the family. No, I, Lara. Yeah, I like Ian. Ian's very funny. I like Ian. Okay, okay.

He's not black. He's not black. He's not black. He's not black. Damn. He's, he's color your coat. What are you talking about? Dominicans are just dark.

It's like a darker Puerto Rican. But he counts. He's a color of night. Yeah. He's the color of pump-a-nickel bread. Chris Allen. Great. He's great.

Love Chris Allen. These people aren't putting asses in the seats. Ian might. He might bring in a different demographic. No, he's not bringing in a different. It's also at Skankfest. Yeah. Keith Robinson.

The seats are already full. Keith would be great, but it's going to be... He's going to be decimated. He's going to wing it and he's going to bomb, which will be fantastic. And they'll laugh at his own shit for too long. I mean, here's the thing. We can edit him out for the most part. Most of his jokes, it was just us trashing him.

Yeah, I'd do that. What about... Keith might be the one, dude. What about a black girl? I would never talk to a black woman. Right. Damn. Yamaneica. Yamonika. Yeah, but you'd be great. Yamonika. That'd be fun. Yamonika would be great.

What about Miss Pat? Miss Pat would fuck. Miss Pat would fuck. Do you know Miss Pat? I know Miss Pat, but not like I know Yamanika. Yamonika would be great. Yamonika would be great. Yeah. Let's get Yamanika. But she'll be... Her outfit's going to be nuts. It'll be fun. She's going to be covered in nuts.

There'll be terrified. Who else? Ari? He's a Jewish. man. I know. I'm just thinking of Is he gonna be? Is he gonna be around? Mark's coming now the whole time. Is he? He changed brothership? Yeah. He was shamed enough, I think.

Yeah, yeah. So Mark will be there. All right, so we got Mark. DePaolo turned us down. No. Yeah. I'll call him. He really said no. Yeah. But I think it's his tour manager that said no for him. I don't even know if we even got to DePaolo.

Because this tour manager, when we started our tour management company, we like took all of like Oh, that's probably why. I've been talking to Colin a little bit. Colin coming? I talked to Keith Friday night. Are you just talking about your social life? About going to a skank fest?

Do you know Doug from down the street? I talked to him. Talking to Colin? Dude, here, I'll tell you right now. Here's a roast. Keith is the missing link. I mean, it's pretty racist. Jesus Christ.

I'm trying to be funny over here. We all evolved. Jesus. Keith is the missing link. Jesus Christ. All right, we get it. No, I'm saying he's, that's the one. Not only is he black, not only is he hilarious,

but he's fucking God, he's all fucked up. But he has to start making his way to the stage now. I want to do it. It's like when they follow the Olympic torch. You got to follow Keith to New Orleans. He has to go, oh, he's in East Texas. He has to go first or last. Ladies and gentlemen, Keith Robinson,

I'm going to bring up four guys before him. I want to get a tough crowd episode. You, Jim, Keith. Keith and Colin. Colin, Koff, Norton, DePaolo.

Let's try Colin again. See if we can get him on. No, he's not going to answer. And he'll say no if we do it. He's also, I think he's in Amsterdam.

He's in Amsterdam on vacation. Yeah. That'd be great, though. Keith would be fantastic. Yeah, that would be really. Yamaniga would be great. Yeah,

yeah, Yamanika. Yamanika would be great. Are you making up any new fights? Are you making up any new style of fights? We're not there yet. We're still seven and a half months. What about a food competition?

Bobby Chill. What if we all... What about... Dude, hear me out. What's eating? What? An eating competition would go so well at Skagfest.

Yeah. Like some type of eating competition and have... Zach already won. He's already won it for next year. Zach's already won. During the day, an eating competition would be great.

No, because... Let me say what's going to happen. Get like the... One of those little things that they have there. Not for me, but like, for anybody, you know, like, do a two o'clock, Hot Dog eating competition? You're just going to be sick the rest of the night.

Yeah, but not us. We have the fans do it. What are those little things they have in New Orleans? Those little... Beniers. Benet. Banyet fucking eating competition. That is just dough and sugar.

And they have to have, instead of water, coffee. Do fans really want to watch people eat minnets? No. No, they'd rather watch us do it. Yeah, no. They're not interested. Let's watch random people. How do we do this?

How do we do this? How do we do this? We get everybody who's on, Manjaro or Ozempic to do an eating competition. That's fun. Quick. I like that. Yeah. That's their PEDs. Yeah. You go, you're on the shot. Get in here. You have to eat a bunch of food and

break up the science that's happening. And then dump. Oh, my God. Does it make you shit? My surgery made me dump. Like, if I ate too much, I would just throw up in a cup. Really? Yeah. You eat too much. Who throws up in a cup? I did. I did it in a couple restaurants.

Like a cat. How delicate you have to be? Right over it. It's usually just the amount that's too much. That's really funny. Just like a... Like a cat ball. Yeah.

Put your hand up. Yeah. Because you don't have a lot. Most of it made it down, but that little... That's crazy. When did that end? That ended like a year in. Damn.

A year in it's stuff. But the first year, first six months was bad. A year is simple. Because your brain still eats like a... When you finally can eat, you just... Your fatso brain's still there. Did you feel it coming on?

Would you be like, I put too much in? Your mouth starts the water. Like you'll take a bite and you're like, I ate too much. I'm going to dump and I would have to run to the bath. I'd be like, Donna, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I hate too much. I did one bite too much. That's crazy.

One too much. I'm going to blow. Then your mouth's waters and you're like, and you can't fight it. I was thinking we go up to the tiny house. I took too many bites. Yeah. Oh, fuck. There's no way out of it.

There's no, I did it out of it. It's fascinating. We did the Brazilian steakhouse. You know the Texas Day, we went to one of those, and my old mentality at that, I just went, and I was sitting there, we're having such a great time, and I'll be right back. I had to go to the bathroom and dump.

I threw up a couple weeks ago. You want to hear the story? Yeah. I have vestibular neuritis. Ever hear of it? Yeah. Have you? No.

So I mean, you're a fuck. Is that a long way? I believe it. Is that a long way you're calling you gay? You fucking vestibular neuritis. Nerd. That was so close to a good one. It was almost close.

Nerd, if you had just finished anything. Stipular nerd, something. Nerd. It's a science term for elf. Vestibular neuritis, doggie. Pull it up, would you? Jamie? Simular neuritis.

It comes on from a cold. It's not even a danny. A sniffle, a little, a little cold. Like a little gay elf on a shelf cold. And then I'm standing. I'm on the third floor. looking out at the street with my son and all of a sudden the sidewalk just fucking came up

like I was on fucking acid Did you throw your kid at him? I had a moment of like That's one of those things. You get glitches, you know? You get like a pain and you're like, oh, that was weird And then I was walking across the street I fucking, I almost fell over.

She got vertigo. Sidewalk was going wacky. I had insane vertigo. Yeah, there it is. Inner ear disorder caused by inflammation of the vestibular nerve leading to sudden severe vertigo, nausea, imbalance and typical without hearing loss.

I fucking ran and barfed. Really? I still have it. It's fucked up. Where'd you leave the kid? What do you mean? Oh, no. Oh, my dog is on the balcony.

And I put them on the rail. Oh, shit. I gotta go. Guys do ads. By the way, you guys have dyslexia. You put in neuritis vestibular. Backwards. Anyways, I was tighten this.

So I threw up. I was all fucking. You threw up in the streets? No, at home. I was all boncos. And it's still fucked up. Did your kid watch you throw up? No.

I always wonder about that, like a kid watching you throw up, and you're like, hey, why are you doing that? You're supposed to be the adult. You're fucking up, dude. Yeah, kid can't watch you throw up, cry, shit your pants. Nothing. You got to hold it together until they're at least 10, right? Whoops.

Well, kids throw up, they just do it. They go, blah. Yeah, that's great. Because they know, they know, you're fucking. It's so funny. It just comes out and they don't fucking even try to get in anything. My friend's daughter, I was just like, she's like, she's like eight months just on my lap, and she just looks up me.

I go, oh, she's looking. And you go, whoa. And it was just. Max was sick like three months ago And I just went in the bed And he's just in the middle of the bed And all fours going In the bed?

I'm like, dude Wait, what's this? He's like 16 I go you gotta run to the You signed up for the Navy What do you do? I go you gotta run to the fucking bathroom dude He was just in his bed throwing up

He threw up in his sleep He woke up like Is he possessed by the devil? That's what I was just gonna say He was floating Did you guys build your house On an Indian burial ground? We are in a cemetery

That's crazy He goes, Dad, I'm sorry I have the memories of a man that died in 1960. We were trying to build a pool in my backyard, and they were like, well, the cemetery used to be here. You can't build. Really? That would scare the fuck.

And then you walk into your son's room, he's like, Haras, no, la, la, blah. The first Halloween, Dawn was going to go in the backyard and put, like, almost like a Halloween Easter egg hunt, and she goes, you know there's fucking gravestones in the woods. That's crazy. Behind the house. And then we looked it up, and if you look on the map,

it says, cemetery. No. They picked it up and just moved it and then build houses. You really are the plot of poltergeist. Yeah. Damn, Max's about to get sucked in that TV. Yeah, Halloween Easter egg hunt is also pretty crazy. It's a Halloween.

Halloween, the eggs, hon. They say there's not enough holidays with eggs. We're trying to be the egg holiday. We used eyes. I don't know why those Easterers. We're having our Christmas morning Easter egg-honds. I don't know why those Easter queers with all their pastels get to be the egg holiday. Guys, if you look around the room, I did a birthday Easter egg on, too.

Did you really? No. Damn, you got one speed. It should have hit the cigars. That would have been fun. That would have been fun. Dude, celebrating every holiday with easter eggs is hilarious. Bobby bought a huge bag at Party City.

He's trying to save face. Hey, it's time for the Christmas egg hunt. And you go, oh, Jesus Christ. Happy anniversary, Dawn. There's a diamond tennis face and an egg in the backyard. It's Arbor Day. Time to find some eggs. Let's do all the holidays.

Fourth of July, instead of fireworks. That's right after. Thanksgiving eggs. So how, did your vertigo come and go? I still have. It's getting better. No, it vertis stays. Happy birthday.

I want to hate that so bad. You have to take like a medication? Well, they gave me steroids, prednisone, which makes you fucking. jittery and all wacky. So I had a cold vertigo and I was jittery. I was like a fucking siren. Your jittery? Yeah. God damn, I bet those blinks were working double time.

Probably look like an old-timey movie, everything I looked at. Joe could fly. Yeah. Everything was a chaplain movie to Joe. It's one of those old-timey singies. Can we get some more coffee? Yeah! Yeah, let's get more jittery. Red in his own. Joe just keels over. Well, I had this too, so I went

urgent care because I was like fucking boncos. Oh, they didn't think you were a pussy. Well, at first, they gave me an EKG because they got to make sure you're not dying. They did a sugar test. How about this? You guys are going to shit your pants. So I have two donuts a day,

two brownies a day. I eat pussy. My father's a f***. So I go there. They do the sugar test, and they prick my finger. And I'm like, this is it. I'm diabetic.

I'm going to be like, Bobby. I got to have a staple. I'm a fucking diabetic. Well, you know what I mean. Sure. Well, you're giving diabetes. You're going to have to surgically remove my stomach.

So I stopped blowing I was pre-diabetic I'm like this is it I'm fucked They did the 85 Which evidently is like Unbelievable

Like I talked to like Three different people All of the same race That were like Well I'm 1 25 I'm 130 I'm 128 85 is like

Primo and I just had two donuts And the lady was like You had two donuts And you measured 85 She's like that's unbelievable So I got I can

I handle sugar You have a good mentality MENTality MENTality No No Metabol You have a good, oh, that was an awesome toss.

That might have been the best toss of the bomb bandana. A good Metallica. That wasn't a bomb. That was a statement, you coxed. No way, that bomb, dude. But the way he tossed it, you got to keep it. It was too slick. But anyway, so sugar was perfect.

EKG was perfect. And then they sent me to an E&T. Like, you got to go to the ear, nose throat because you got some, your rods and cones are all fucked up. Did you go to Aviv's guy? No, no, I did. I went to the local lady. And she did the thing and she was asking me questions.

And then she's like, I'm going to do a test. and she leaned me back and turned my head and like my feet kit the whole room was I was like oh put me back up the whole thing I would kill for the ring footage of that and then she tested the other side I'm like you got me like that's what I have so she pulls you back and I'm literally like oh it's spinning like they she gave me uh oh the first doctor the urgent care doctor that actually fucked me up just doing that the urgent care doctor gave me like dramamine type of medicine sure and then the E&T lady was like, you don't need

that's stupid. That's for like, that's if you can't walk if you're like all fucked up. So I have no medicine. So you just grog-dog in it? It's supposed to like go away at some point. But there's also, this one drives me crazy about the fucking healthcare system. There's vestibular therapy. Like you can go to physical therapist to do shit.

But this is what's insane. The doctor, just turn your head and spin you around like a turtle? I think you look at a fixed point and move your head or something like this. But the doctor knows the moves. I'm like, you could just tell me what the fucking thing is.

But they got to send you to a lady. That's what I've been doing. Yeah, just go to YouTube. Everything's on YouTube. Yeah. So anyways. Are you feeling better? I feel a little bit of it.

It's fucked out. I did yoga yesterday. Does this still hit you? Like randomly? Yeah. If I, no, it's not when I'm walking around. I'm fine. It's when I tip my head, which I do a lot because I have a two-year-old.

So if I lay down. You get dropped when you look down at your son? Well, it's not like. He goes, oh, God. Well, it's not a fucking. Here we go. Here we go. It's not a spell.

He's like, The world is upside down. He goes, Da-da, they're drawing. Just throwing up. Get away from me with your You're walking on the ceiling. Backwards.

It's just funky. Like, I feel, I get like a headache And I'm like, oh, wacky. It sucks up. People have vertigo. It's horrible. I cannot imagine. Colin had vertigo for a while.

Yeah. Sounds horrible. When he was doing SNL, and it would fuck him up, like, he would just have to lie down. Being nauseous is the worst feeling. It's really bad.

Like boat sickness? Oh, car sickness for me always suck. I've never had car sickness. Yeah, me either. What are you guys fucking? I get in the back of a car where it's like gas break, gas break, gas break. You go like, oh, it's like Paco's driving or someone like him. Let's just say it's not their second generation of driving.

Well, Paco would be in front of the car holding two sticks. Sorry, sorry, I run too fast for you. I go, no, no, it's fine. It's just a little bumpy. It's just a little bumpy. stomach's taste. I remember being hungover, going back to Queens with Big Al, Alvin David.

Oh, yeah. And I was hung over all, it was one of those ones where we drank and I was hung over all day into the night. Yeah. And I was taking a cab back with him and I was so hungover and he was hammered. And he just kept you know what? No, it wasn't Big Al. You know who it was? It was

Tom Dustin? Dan Belger? No. Dan Hirshan? No, not Hershon. Steve Murphy. E.J. Murphy. E.J. Murphy and I were in cab and he just kept going so where are you out on Friday and I went I think I'm going to try to do sets I had stand up New York and the guy was going hmm but it was traffic on the bridge and he's going and he and stopping and EJ was drunk so he just kept asking me the same questions he's like do you see who

won that World Cup game and I was like we got to the base of the bridge and I just have to get out I have to get out right here and I just left a cab and I walked on the side of the fucking bridge wow it sucked so bad nice way to get out a cab fare I dude I think I gave him cash. I was, I got so sick, so fast, and I just remember his questions were making me more nauseous. He would go like, yeah, so what are you doing Friday? And you're like, I'm gonna fucking throw up in this guy's fucking cab. Have you ever thrown up in a cab? The apology you launch right before it happens? No. You never have? Never thrown up in a cab. That surprised me that you have it. No. No, I'm not a big throw up guy. Really? It's usually, if I'm throwing up, it's like, you should think

about it. All night bender. like the next morning in front of the toilet, I did coke all night, I'm drinking all night, then seven in the morning the birds are coming up and I'm like, I gotta get this all out of me. Then I'm, oh, really? I was always a puke the next day guy too. I used to, when I was fat as fuck,

I used to have the acid reflux. And I would eat after shows late at night, and I would puke sleeping. And you'd wake up, you like, Hendricks? Just a little bit. And then you can't, once you puke in your mouth, you have to puke. Yeah.

You can't get that taste out of your mouth. Yeah. So I would just wind up, just trying to get it down. And then going, and the whole one. And just have to go puke. Dude. Fat fuck pukin is the worst. The same thing as I had before. Same for me too.

Yeah, but I'll have a tall. I can't have too much caffeine. I'm good, buddy. Thank you. I got good at puking when I drank. I got good at, like, just get it out. And just mentally being like, I'm going to throw up. There's nothing better, though.

After you puke, when you got it all out, and you're like, oh, God. Dan Cook had that great joke about when you're puking. There's a little part of you that's like, this is kind of fun. Oh, my God. I had one of my worst food poisoning things. Are you a puke alone guy, or do you want somebody to come in? Alone. I'll go handle it.

Yeah. Like, let me handle it. I got one of my worst food poisonings from KFC. They used to have these snackers, like little chicken sandwiches, and I bought some on the way to the radio station. Oh, I know those. Yeah, and I ate my, I ate the snack. And then I'm doing like a 40 minutes nonstop new rock shift. You know?

So you're like, hey, that was switchfoot. Coming up, we got Metallica. And then I was like just on air. And I remember being in the studio and being like, yeah, I'm going to throw up. And I went into the trash can in the corner and puked. And then I went home and laid in front of the toilet. And Dane Cook's S&L was on E. And it was playing in the background while I violently threw up.

The worst is the moment because you have the moment where you're like, I think I'm going to throw up. but then you're like, I'm going to wield this. Yeah, I'm not going to throw it. That's what I was doing. And then you have that moment you're like this. You can't. You can't.

Yeah. Once you taste it. Yeah, yeah. Once you get that saliva. Also, food poisoning, you go, I can beat this. What is this? Just a little nausea. And then when you throw up, you go, I'm going to be here for a day.

Yeah. When I went to Guatemala the last night, I went to a restaurant. And I got food poisoning. Completely wrong region. When you, when you get food. I am the most, I have the most, a lost. to Asian in Guatemala. Oh, how?

I seem to be a little bit rost. Oh, I sailed east in Landon Hill. Do you have a puke and diarrhea? Oh, yeah. You have to make the choice? You always go puke, then diarrhea. Yeah, you don't want to, you don't want to stick your face into a shitty toilet bowl. You go diarrhea, then puke.

No. You don't want to put your face in the shit smell. You don't. Oh, that's your thing? Your dirty little dog. What? Oh, my pool guy's pissing me off. Damn, what a statement.

Wow, what a statement that 15 years ago when we started doing this podcast, I would never want to believe. White privilege. He goes, oh, my God, the worst part about having a salt water pool. No, they're making it a heated salt water pool, but then the guy, he went to go connected. I was completely kidding. He went to go connected, and now he's like, he was like, oh, well, this, the gas line isn't coming to this. He was like, you got to. Gas sucks.

It fucking never works. What? So. What? What the fuck does that mean? Gas, it's the name of this company. Yeah, he's got it. Go.

Go ahead. So now they, another guy has to come in and fucking essentially make the, the gas line work. $3,300. Yeah. Right? Yeah. But this guy's unlicensed. So I hit him up, but I was like, do you, do you have licensing for this?

Because when I want to sell the house, eventually, you have to show that it was like licensed work. Um, and he's like, oh, no, I have no license. So I have to find another. I just love gas, brother. You tell me where I can. You tell me where to put it, I'll fucking put it, dude. I don't know. Your buddy called me.

I was just sleeping on the couch. Why don't you get the solar cover? No. You want the heat. Yeah. It's got to be. It's got to be heated. Sex.

You want to have sex. You want to have sex in his pool, like show girls. No, sex in the pool is no good. I like the refreshingness of a pool. It makes their pussy all rubbery. That's fine. It's rubbery. That's right.

Feels like, no. It'll give me a use infection sometimes. You. Not if it's salt water So what do you say it like that That's the yeast of your problems Saw water Happy Easter

So water cleans it nice Easter I think it's a Easter bunny Eust of your problems Woo Talk about another one for a listy poo The body goes I'm not to say for those eggs

Oh my God I'm fucking dizzy right now It sucks Are you getting dizzy Why don't we do plugs real quick While you regroup Yeah while you get your fucking You go first

Okay when does this happen Reground. When is this an episode? Look at this. Who's that fan? Wednesday. That's Matt Wayne. That's AI.

Jeholyss and Matt Wayne. I'm in... It comes out next week, right? What did you say? Providence. This Wednesday? Oh, thanks, Parker. Like two days from now?

Oh, I'm in Columbus, Ohio. Friday and Saturday. Next weekend, Providence. That's going to sell out. So the late show is only. Providence, Comedy Connection, Connecticut, Rhode Island. I'm an idiot.

Check out Ari Shafir's new show. Show the end. Me, Bobby, and Sodor. I don't know. I just shit my head. Me Bobby and Sodor on there. It's going to be awesome. Also, Shane Gillis, Tom Sagar, all those people. I'm in L.A., May 7th, Hollywood Improv. Then, of course, Glasgow, London, Dublin, Belfast. You guys are all on your phones. We're looking up our dates, you fucking asshole. What am I supposed to be excited about your tour schedule?

Well, you could react. Whoa. Yeah. Read another one. I don't have anymore. Whoa. Hey, everybody. I'm going to be in Charlotte, North Carolina, this Friday.

This Saturday, I'm going to be in Durham. Holy shit. What the fuck are you in Florida. Also, Munhaul, Pennsylvania, Cleveland, and Columbus. Grab that chair right. I are. We never do guests. Yeah, this is your literally our first guest.

That's paid for with Munhall money. Munhall, Pennsylvania. That's that Munhall money. that mean? That's where I am on April 17th. April 18th, Cleveland, Ohio, April 19th, Columbus, Ohio, and then Iowa, Larchwood, Iowa, would be at the Grand Falls Casino. Friday, April 24th.

Danceorder.com for full dates. Listen to my podcast soda. Lewis, take it away before we go into Ari. Come see me live on the road. The rattle me this tour. Detroit this weekend. Awesome. Morris Plains, New Jersey. Love that road. 18th. St. Catherine's, Ontario.

on the 24th and 25th. Then I got Toronto coming up. Those are makeup dates because I couldn't go. Fort Myers, Florida. Obviously we want to go down, guys. Springfield, Missouri, Tulsa, Oklahoma, City, and more. Go to Lewisofskinks.com, grab those tickets.

Check out all my other pods. Sign up for Gas Digital. If you love the show, we do an uncensored and ad-free version of the show. We get it at Gassdigital.com. It comes out every other Monday night right after Story Wars. Use the promo code Rags.

Save a couple bucks a month. Buy my books, knives and spoons. and go get Ari's storytelling show that he put on. All of his friends except for me. They're on it. Yeah, it really concerns the regs. Most of the regs.

It's going to be so sick to watch Lewis watching it angrily. Topps baseball cards. That's not true. I'm actually at a place in my life for I'm happy for my friends. Wow. That's a double admission.

That means you are happy and also you used to not be. And it's 100,000 each. It's so fucking cool. It's a what? 100,000 each is amazing. It's crazy. It's crazy.

It's pretty sick. And it also goes a gas. It's okay, guys. I have to just launch products to make money. Go ahead. Go to punchup. Anyway, guys.

Buy my coffee in my book that I can't write. Punchup. com. Live slash Robert Kelly. I'm going to be in Comics Roadhouse, the 17th and the 18th

with the great Paco. Paco fucking killed the other night. Then go to the 24th, 25th. I'll be at Uncle Vinnie's in Point Pleasant. Cleveland, Ohio,

at Hilarities. One of my favorite clubs is the 15th and the 16th. And then I'm doing a one-night show, New York Comedy Club in Stanford, Connecticut. And then I'm going down to New Orleans to the Howlin Wolf on May 22nd. And then the 23rd Mobile Alabama for at the Crescent Theater. Go to punchup.com. Live slash Robert Kelly for all the other dates.

Oh, this summer, July 4th weekend, I will be at the mothership, the 3rd, the 4th, and the 5th. Great idea to be in Austin in July. Yeah, well. I'm moving there. I'm figuring out now. I'll make it a family vacation out of it. And make sure you check out this, right? What is this VIP package?

It's for the end. The sign poster. Your fans can't afford that. I'll sign it, by the way. If you bring the end poster to any of my shows, I'll sign it for you. It does have everyone's portrait on there. You should bring it.

It would be a cool fan thing to bring it out to shows and try to get every single comic to sign it. Including me. Including Lewis. Yeah, you can sign the back. Right before they press it. To get every single comic will cost you $100,000 to get that done. It's six bucks per episode or right now premiere, like a presale for $24 for all seven episodes.

That means you can get Robert Kelly is in an episode with Dan Soder. I got fucked so hard. I'm with like Slappy White and Doink the Clown. It's like crazy. And Roy Wood Jr. George Jetson? George. That's really funny.

I think Jordan is doink. If you got to get it, though, get the whole. season. Get it seven seven episodes for that. That's so cheap. It's too cheap. An hour each. It's about $3.50 each. It's crazy. About a dollar every ten minutes. If you get I've due this down to it.

That's very funny. If you guys send me a DM, I'll send you in a legal copy. Dude, you look identical. Who's the deaf actor that won the Oscar? With the hair? You look exactly like them two years ago. You know what I'm talking about? He won it for that movie, the Boston movie. We don't watch you a fucking stupid movie. It was like four years ago. All right, folks. Let's take a quick moment

to thank Lucy for being a long time support. corner of their eggs. If you like nicotine, you're going to love Lucy because they make premium nicotine pouches and nicotine gum. The breakers, or what everyone loves, their nicotine pouch with a powerful flavor capsule inside of each. Ranges in strength from 2 to 12 milligrams. Flavors like apple ice, espresso, berry, citrus, and mango. Bobby, this is your shit. I got one in right now. You always got a Lucy in your mouth. All right. Well, relax. You always got a Lewis in your mouth. Yeah, I love them. I'm telling you, because the flavors they have,

everybody has the same exact flavors. They mixed it up. You got mint, you got fucking whatever. You got mint, you got blue, you got black. These guys, this apple ice is my favorite of all time, but it has that little thing inside that just explodes. You love a little thing inside that's exploding. Yeah.

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Oh, my God, they have a store location. This is great. You can go to a store. You can go right on the app and then find where... We'll get the discount. Well, I would rather use the discount. I get the ship right to your door. I'm always in a jam in the city, and if I can find him,

go to the app and go to the store located to find Lucy near you and grab it today. That's great. Here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every customer is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical, Joe.

Great job, Bobby. Wow. Thanks, Lou. You're early. You're complimenting your friends. I like this. This is his birthday. I like Lewis' birthday.

All right, three, two, one. Gentlemen, let's take a quick moment and think, Bonnie Braves. Let's take a quick moment and hide all our Starbucks. Yeah, hold on, hide it. Hi, that Starbucks. Hold on, let's do the ad again because that does send the wrong message.

No, we don't want that in the ad. No, it doesn't matter. Oh, they don't see it? No, it doesn't matter. You could have, you could drink other coffee. You don't have to just drink body brain coffee. You know what I do, though? Where did the episode go off the rails and go,

when Lewis explained the difference between body brain and other coffee? Well, you just, no. I put body brain in all my coffee. I do put body brain in my, um, no. Latte sometimes. I put it in my ice cream. You can put it in your ice cream. I, I, I, no, I did.

I put it in my protein shake. I put it in my Greek yogurt. You get a coffee-flavored Greek yogurt that'll help support your testosterone and brain function. Can I tell you right now I'm in a huge yogurt phase of my life? Zero percent, Faget yogurt. With a little bit of body brain inside of it. Wait, we got to do the ads because I got a hard out.

No, this is the ad. 113. This is the ad. We're talking about all the things you can do with body brain coffee. Oh, sorry. Not only you can drink in hot or cold. You could sweep a chimney with it. You could do a lot of stuff with it.

You could clean your carburetor. with it. Oh, I could ask Ebenezerge for a race. It's very versatile. It is premium freezerade Colombian coffee with other ingredients that are built to support testosterone and brain function naturally. So it's got Tonka Ali, Lionsmay, and Ashwaganda, Elthini, and five simple

ingredients. So easy. You're bringing it a little packet with you. You could just mix up with some hot or cold water or your protein shake or your ice cream or your yogurt or whatever you guys want. BodyBriac Coffee.com is the website. People fucking love it. Go to our reviews on Shopify or on Amazon. I would put on a chocolate brownie if I had a

chocolate brown. You can put it on a chocolate brown. I have a coffee flavored chocolate brandy with Tunkin Ali and Linesman. I like to put it on tits. Yeah. I'm just pouring your ass on tits. Just spill a little when you take a sip. I'm glad that he puts that up. Bodybreak coffee.com is the website. What we're

doing right now is we're giving a special discount. If you use the promo code Regs 20, R-G-Z-20, you're going to get 20% off. And check this out. If you subscribe to receive it monthly, you're not only going to get 20% off, but you're going to get free shipping. And we're sending you a sample pack of the Body Brain Creamer that is not available for anywhere else right now. It is shipping in the next week. So make sure you guys subscribe right now.

Anybody who's subscribed to Body Brain Coffee is getting a five pack of the creamer. So you get five days of the creamer to try out for free and give us your feedback. Body Brain Coffee.com is the website. Use that promo code Rags 20 for 20% off. All right. Where were we? Do you think deaf people have accents? I hate the different ones.

Come on. They do it. We have a black. Southern. Are you coming in hot with a bit? Hold on. I have question. Is sign language universal

like worldwide? It is not. Or there's like French sign language is different than there. Irish sign language is different than American. No. They can't speak to each other.

They go you potato eating idiot. I know, real. How about it? Chinese. Sign language. Heath Robinson. This is.

This is. This is. This is sign for Ching Chong Ching. Ching. I can do that sign with Scotch tape. By the way, Soter, not even trying to be funny,

he said the funniest thing in all episode. He goes, is it universal? He's like, no, it's called American sign language. Literally ASL. ASL is called American Sign Language. I didn't know that. Yeah. Well, learn about your deaf brothers and sisters.

There was always sign language. Can we pull up the fucking actor? Deaf, Oscar. Looks like Ari. It's Joe's birthday. He can see it. That's totally not ill. It's Joe's birthday.

You think that looks like Ari? Have you ever seen Ari? He's in the Zing Zone. What's the movie? You can't sing him. He can't sing him today. Some of them have been breaking the rules. That doesn't look like Ari whatsoever.

No, what's his fuck? What was the movie? That's a difference. It was a deaf movie. Otherwise, I'm stunning like that. Dan, come on. I'm sitting next to the No Zing Zone.

Hello, I get fucking watershed. No Zing Zone. He's going to get wrong. Oh, Vice Gankfist against April 20th. 420, bro. 420, 2 p.m. Will you be there this year? I will put in to the end.

I'll put in a reminder to buy Skangfest seconds because it'll be out of episode 60. People will watch it on 420. I'll be going to put in the credits. Don't forget. Don't forget to watch. That's all that matters. That's better than giving me an opportunity.

You did tell a great story at a show once in New York about your wife squirting for some other guy. Yeah. That's so funny. You're just staring off, not even looking at him. No, when he reminds me of that story, it just kills me a little bit every time. He goes, hey, that's crazy.

I didn't put you on my show. Remember that one time your wife was satisfied with another man. Damn, that was a good story. It was a good story. It did a great job. I already found it. I was about to book you and then Nate said he wanted to do it.

So I had to bump you off. Damn, Nate went. His name's Troy Consor. He doesn't look like him. Never mind. I take it back. God. Who would you have bumped if you were going to?

Nate, it was Nate, but the Oklahoma City Thunder had been, I'm sorry, wrong. The New Orleans Pelicans were eliminated from the playoffs and so the stadium was free. So he was, wait. Is that really what happened? No, Oklahoma City Thunder were going further. So he had to cancel a date so he could come. Oh, that's crazy. He goes, they're in the playoffs.

You know how it is. They're about to win the championship. I'm like, well, I got my hour. It looks like, well, what's more important? That's what are you going to do? Championship spirit. I get it. I get it, man.

No, it happened to me one time because the Red Sox had to play a game at Bob's country bunker. Actually, quite the opposite. I was opening for you in Boston one time at Stitch's, that place that Nick Stryd opening. What was it called? It was like down the street And the Blue Man Group would walk through the room Oh yeah, that was Nick, that was, What was that called?

They opened it for a little bit. What the fuck was that? Duck Soup? No. It was where the original connection was. Tommy. Tommy's called Tommy's. No, no, no, no, the original original.

Oh, uh, the Playhouse. Blue Man Group, yeah. Yeah, and they went like this. If the Blue Man Group walked through the room, you can't talk about it. Yes. And you go, what? Crazy.

Can't mention the Blue Man Group walking in the room. They can't talk, we can't talk. They go, do not. But the owner was like, hey, if they walk through, don't, but it was the Celtics were in the playoffs. The giant baby from Cirque to Sale is going to walk into the room.

David Cross is coming through. You can't say anything. Hey, you say anything. You're out. You're out of here. But, uh... That was a Charleston playoff. Yeah.

You played there? No. We got canceled because the Red Sox were playing. The Celtics were in the playoffs. And so were the Bruins were in the playoffs. This is going to be weird. Yeah.

Did you guys just see that giant dragon from a Chinese New Year? or walk through. All right. Tell me a comic not to talk about something. It's like, that's the wrong approach. Yeah. But I remember that.

They had a meeting with me and... Is that you that smells? You smell like some, like, market. Beard oil. Is that what it is? Let me smell. That's it. Nice.

Oh. I need it. Otherwise, it gets pretty rowdy. Yeah. Are you going to cut it off? It's almost... It's been nine months. I got to make it to a year.

And then, but you're going to do it when it's hot. That's going to feel so good. Will you do C-section or... Oh, interesting. It would be a year. July. Yeah, dude, it's gonna be hot. And when you take that thing off your chin.

It's gonna breathe. And you feel the breeze the first time. Oh, you should donate it to a kid with cancer and then they have to wear your Jew beard on the end. They go, wasn't the cancer enough? This is, why do I have this? This is his head hair? I promise you, I'm pro-Palestine.

I'm pro-Palestinian. Then what is your hair like that? I had cancer. It just gets better with money. If you think I'm not using it for a prank on skanks, you're crazy. What's your hair? It's going to go in one of your mouths. Ew.

Legion of Pranks. Nice. Birthday. You guys are both born right around the same time. Five days apart, bro. Two regs. Was that intentional? Did you book by the originally?

Yeah, we told our parents to hold off. Bobby went ahead of us. 44. How does it feel? No, it's officially the first year of mid-40s. How old are you? 44. You have 44 and you're 44.

I'm the age. Nick DePaolo. was when I first met him. Really? Wow. You guys are the same age? You seem way younger. Who does? He just looked down. He looked down because he wanted to cause I'm more youthful in terms of like

my exuberance. Joe's got a child like water. You think Joe's more youthful than I'm like eating brownies and doing cartwheels. Joe eats you crazy. You're like one element. Golding people. I'm so much higher energy than you. There's one element. You're so mad about this. He's right. I think

Lewis is right. That's just one element. Just the way you eat is one element of how useful you are. Okay, Joe has baby diet. You, what's your childlike thing? He doesn't have baby diet. He's got talking about it. I start talking before I have the thought complete. Damn.

You know what, though? You're like, oh, yes. You're like my son. Yes. You're like the room. Okay. All right. Thank you, Joe.

Lewis is right. He comes to the podcast. You go, hey, Lewis, what's going on? He goes, sometimes. Sometimes? Sometimes. The baby goes in the The mom dream

Okay Lewis Do you know what you're all talking about? I eat four foods total I only know how to boil things You're naming one thing about you being youthful My energy is off the chat You don't have a youthful energy You have an old fucking nebishi

Whoa You're being anti-Semitic You get dizzy when you walk Yeah dude you got you're at vertigo No young people get vertigo You old fuck That's an old man for real That's what my nana had

Nice to rickets walks 12 steps and he falls on his face. You walk 12 steps, that's why you haven't drank in a while. That needs more. It's not going to get as much as it needs. It's a good double on Tom. All right, fine. You win. You're a fucking child. Wow, you really spot it.

I just realized I don't want to be a child. You really spun it. That's right. You're more immature than me. Never mind. It's sitting here. Fine, big baby. Oh, I'm a big boy. God damn. You're the most adult. You're like, can we do an ad for my coffee brand?

Hey, guys, I'm starting up a new company. Joe goes, I don't like when tomatoes are on my hamburger. Lewis is basically like a lemonade stand. Lewis dressed like a baby right now. You look like a little baby. He does look like a well-dressed baby. He does look like a well-like. Yeah, no, for real.

A little hat. In 2008, in the market, when fucking our dollar went to shit, all these Europeans came in and I would have to wait on them, you are dressed like an Italian baby. There he is. Little Italian babies, you go, that kid's wearing more. He's got a designer hat. You guys are dressed the exact same as me.

No, what not? Not you. Not me. You're dressed like a fucking, an old villain. You're dressed like an old villain. You're just like an old villain from a fucking collecting a debt. You're going to challenge someone to jumping a gorge. Bobby's like, dude, I don't care what you had on fucking Arizona.

They lost to Michigan. Bobby's the bombs. There you go. It might not be a big zone, but you can sure his fuck bomb on one. Instead of the fons, the bombs. We got it. All of us at the same time. It sucked.

Your enthusiasm was what sucked. It sucked. It's my birthday. Bobby was just like Bam Bam Bigelow. He laughed. He laughed. He laughed. He left.

Doesn't matter. He left. He left. He left. He's not even a reg. You're not a reg. He's not a reg. It doesn't count.

I've been on the show four times in the organ. It used to matter. See? No. He left. Bam Bam Bigelow wore a one piece. One piece. but then he would wear a leather jacket over it.

Look at him. Look at it out. Looking at the rest of... No, he didn't. You're thinking about... You think you know more about pro wrestling than me? I do. Soda knows the most.

Soda knows the most. Did he wear a leather jacket? He's just like... He's not wearing... He never wore a leather. Type Bambam Bigelow E.C.W. What do you... Hold on? What did you type in?

Just Bamban Bigelow... Who's the other... He's thinking... He's thinking about the hearts. Remember... What was the other guy? There it is all the way to the right with... With...

down with diamond dollar That's his off time Bobby, do you think you That's his fucking off time? Do you think you look like Reds the Hitman Hart? Louis, I just like him during photo shoots. Lewis, I do think you're wrong though.

Yeah, you're wrong. He's not leather coat. Type in Ben Ben, Ben, Begloh leather jacket. Who is that with the beard? Jim the Anvil Knighthart. Type it. No, that's not what I'm thinking.

I like to clarify my laugh. I laugh was at the reference itself and not whether it was accurate or not, but it was a laugh. You think you can't just assign the pro-wrestler. That's not it. I'll tell you what. It's a left.

It's a laugh. Type in Brett the Inville, Nighthart. That kind of jury. Type in Brett the Anvil, Nineheart. Type in Brett the Inval, Nineheart. Type in Brett the Anvil. Type in Brett the Anvil. Take in Brett the Anvil.

That's right. Do it, please. Type in Brett the Anvil. That's not a real person. That's not a real person. What's his name? Jim the Inval. Jim the Inval, who is a member of the Heart Foundation.

I would take this guy. And you know what I'm thinking of? That's Big Bronson Reed. Josh. Hold of what movie was Bam Ben Ben Bigelow in? Jim the Amble. Is it in Max, something, pain? Major pain.

Was it in Major Payne? Type in Bam Bam Bam Bigelow Major Pain. This spelled P.A. Y, and E. Probably is. With, what's his name? Damon Wayne. Damon Wayne. He goes, oh, your finger hurts.

And then he breaks the other thing. Lewis is like, you know what? I'm thinking about the first movie I wrote when I was 12. Leather jacket. Major pain. This is literally what's going for. That's a leather vest. That's a leather vest.

That's a leather vest. And that's what you look like, you fucking ass. I'm literally not leather. Same beard. Still not 11th what he looks like. That's not 11. That's a dungary jacket. That's if you and Mike also went into a

smashing machine. Like the alien transport machine he came out. You pulled it out. You looked like a fat Roman reins. Whoa. You. God of the fall.

I haven't felt a drop like that as I was in an airplane and my stomach went in my fucking Bob Bob Bigelow over here. Pop Bob Bigelow. I said bomb. Bomb bomb. That's it.

That's a better. I thought he did. I thought he said that too. April birthdays. April birthdays. April birthdays. April birthdays. Oh, Bomb Bomb Bigelow is good.

We got an episode title. You two in Hitler. Bomb Bomb Bigelow is a great title. Bomb Bigelow is the best title. Wow. Is it too late to put Lewis on your show? It's not too late. I actually said if he won Story Wars two weeks ago that I'd put him in, but he lost.

That's very funny. That was a definite promise. I was not done with the credits yet, and I would have done it. You didn't feel like doing the show? No, he was going to put me in just in all stories written by Louis Show. All stories written and directed by Lewis Gomez. That would have been fucking rest.

How come you said no? What? To the show. Nate bumped him. Nate bumped him. Remember? Because of the thunder loss so Nate could do a game. I was never asked to do the show.

I was doing a bit. Nobody went along with it. Well, I mean, I did miss you. Welcome to the regs. This is what it is. High highs, low lows. It really is. I had multiple.

I had multiple... And we go down quick. We're all just like... I had multiple dreams that I would... I would ran into Ari while he was away and I had like an emotional like fucking... Ugh. Like a moment?

Oh, he's gay for you. Gay. Uh, he's gay for you. In the jungle? Oh, he'd be dreaming about you. Oh, he'd be dreaming about you and shit. Oh, this is what we're doing now. We're not being honest about our feeling.

Oh, Lewis be dreaming about you and shit. You, man. You'll pause, bro. Oh, what are these dreams, Louis? Lewis. Lewis goes, oh, my fucking fat bitch, fucking sister. Jay, I got your number.

I need to make you mine. 9, 6, 7, 3, 8, 6, 7, 5, 3.0. Can I tell you being front row for that was amazing? Looking at your phone, no, what's he looking at? Whoa, there it is. Oh, he's so disturbed. No, my clean lady. He's so disturbed.

He's, ooh, ah, ah, ah, get that with the sick. My cleaning lady. He's a cleaning lady. A cleaning guy? A heating guy? A cleaning lady? My masseuse doesn't even do hot rock technique. He doesn't know shiatsu. This is officially the most out of touch number of the... You got out of touch because I have a cleaning lady?

That's right. Guy that was killed by a wagon rolling over? Everyone that is a pool is a pool guy. Everyone that is a pool is a pool guy? Hold on. Listen to this 18th century ghost to tell you why you're a problem is wrong. Those things are own. He goes, you know, I used to own a little daddy. and that was on hell

then these Jews built this comedy club right off of my own thing. What happened with your sister? My sister took it my vacuum and didn't remember it. She's fixing the gas line. A virginity. Your sister took your virginity.

Did you hear it? You got it. She had sex with you. Would you not have sex with anybody yet? That was your first. He told your whole sexual history. Later would be changed by that moment.

So what did you do? She took my vacuum and didn't return. so now my cleaning lady doesn't have a vacuum to vacuum my own. Mr. Lewis, I can't suck up all the dirt. I'll try. I have a straw. You clean the carpet. Make the sound.

Lewis is just playing a game of Clue out loud. He's like, oh, no. I have a very specific order. Mr. Gomez, there's no vacuum. Why don't these cleaning people have their own fucking vacuum? Oh, here we go. These lazy immigrants. Take it with you over the border.

Pick them up by your bootstraps list over here. Where are those backpack ones? It's like a Ghostbuster. My, uh... Doesn't you just sit to live right down the street? Can't you go drop it off? She lives like 15 minutes from me. She's at work.

That's so funny. Her showing up and being like, Don't cross streams. It's having a fucking giant backpack vacuum. Man, everything's falling apart at Casa Gomez. Oh, yeah. Damn. I need a new fucking plumber to fix my gas.

Cleaning lady needs a vacuum. I don't even know what's going on with my sister. I'm over here going. and what is the landscaper not even how the fucking lawnmower? And I fucking... What's next? I gotta fly Comfort Plus one time next month. Is my chocolate fountain gonna be out of?

Hold on my little. Joe, you're literally, and I mean this, Joe... Joe's calling me out of that. Joe, you are literally a multimillionaire. You have millions of dollars in your bank account. You're a... You told me in fucking confidence. Millions of dollars in your bank account.

You have millions? So who's at a touch, Joe? You know, I don't know. Who's at a touch? You live in a high-rise. High-rise, doorman building, Jim, sauna, steamroom. What?

You got a wife? Vertigo? What a Democrat. You have vertigo? You get so much money. You don't know what to do with it. Damn. Dude, you're unbalanced.

Your pocket. Toy Story 3 on DVD? First of all, I told you in confidence, quietly, not... He doesn't know what that word means. That I have almost one single million dollars, almost altogether...

No, you said over one million. No, I didn't. You said one million. Cash. Cash? Cash? He said one million in cash. He said one million in cash.

That's liquid. Liquid. Building. Why are you asking your friends for money for your movie if you have a million in cash? What the fuck? What the fuck?

Cash. Why the fuck did I invest in your fucking documentary when you're fucking Mr. MoneyBad? It's our document. A three hour documentary. Gee. No, I have the least amount of money

of anyone in here. That's not a real. You're the most liquid. You're the most liquid. Most liquid. Maybe not Dan. The food money is fucking... I don't have a million dollars.

I don't... I wish I was that. Ari has no money. Right now I have no money. Please buy the end right now. Help me get out of debt. Yeah, we're coming here to feed ori. Yeah.

Seriously. I'm going to say something. Don't invest in your own project. If all of you guys have less money than me, you are horrible with money. Yeah. Yep. Yep. And I am also horrible with money.

Sounds about right. Yeah. I'd say that. Pool guy cleaning. What's on the end? Is that my apartment? And we're talking about somebody, Jay, getting in a house or something. And we were just looking at.

like, how do these people have... That's exactly what I'm doing. We're both like, I go, God damn, I'm going to rent until I die. It was like, wait, we had a moment looking at you. Like, we're definitely fucking up. We're fucking up big. Because I can't even imagine it. I don't know. I just am like, oh, man.

It's a hold to do. If I didn't have a business manager, I would have never had a house. I literally was like, can you do this for me? Joe's fucking T-1,000 over here, Liquid Metal. He's got a fucking business. Businessman. Oh, yeah. I mean... What? What? What? What?

I think you're calling. It's my pool guy. My pool guy. It's your ball. Slash business manager. Pool guy. Can you just talk to my business manager? What the fuck?

Oh, then I have my guru. How much you make it off the coffee that you have a business manager? Calm down. You have a whole business. He's going on six vacations. You're a millionaire. He's a best-selling author. You don't think Michael Crichton has much money as you?

You think the man that wrote Jurassic Park is not a millionaire? That's what knives and spoons. It depends on how you define a millionaire. One million. Actually, it might be one of the easiest things that the far. It's a $1 million and $1. Well, it depends. I mean, no.

Do I have a million dollars in cash? No. Not in cash. On a million dollars in assets, for sure. Assets. Damn. I have no assets. Literally zero.

I don't have a million dollars. You're a million dollars. You're a pure straight-up millionaire. A million dollars is... No, I have a retirement that has money that I can't take out of. I understand. If you guys stop listening to this podcast. right now. I get it. I'm so mad.

I understand. Yeah. I love you guys. I made a doc. I spent a ton of money on this documentary. I do podcasts so I can steal free waters. Ari really? I'm here. Ari comes in and he's like, get Ari two waters.

I get two or three waters. Want to take? Ari comes in and he goes, is this one of those podcasts where I can sleep in here? There's a room here, right? Hey, I won't get bothered at night while I'm trying to get rest, right? No one will poke me while I'm asleep. No, he's bruce. Oh, dude. That is a podcast.

Take a camera. That's podcasting. Oh, this is a good one. Folks, when you start a business, there is a lot of what-ifs. Shopify is here to help. They have easy to use tools to help your businesses grow all in one place. Why are you so happy? Because guess what we run body brain on?

I have no idea. Shopify. Whoa. Customize your brand at the Shopify Design Studio, reach customers quickly with their marketing tools. Let me just. Let me just. Let me chime in here.

I'm getting into your part. No, let me just, look, you don't have to read any of this stuff. This is good. He always does this. Always does it. We're doing it wrong. Well, I'm just saying, I have some experience. Why don't you just do all the read?

I have a lot of experience with Shopify. Go ahead. We have experience too, dude. All my, first of all, my new coffee brand that's coming out is on Shopify. Called Brain Body. No way. Yeah. My new book, Knives.

And actually Lovers your disaster. It's a weird thing. Tell them about it. Well, it really makes it very easy. If you want to have an e-commerce website, a website, like an online store, all the tools are right on one website. You have your web guy, plug your website, write it to me. You can do it yourself as well.

I had my web guy do it. But it genuinely makes it easy tracking, month to month, day to day, hour to hour, all the shit that you want to know as a business owner. You guys will hear it. I'm going to put my ringer on throughout the show today, so you're going to hear a little Kaching. I don't want to hear you making money. Every time.

I don't want to hear it. Take it off. No, it's really. another vacation. Younger chick, more stuff. I don't know if you're a fucking split-level ranch, this cuck sucker has a pool. They got marketing tools. They help you manage

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So that's Shopify, S-H-O-P-I-F-Y-Y-D-com. slash regs with a Z to get a $1 per month trial offer today. One more. One more time? Yeah. Shopify.com slash regs with a Z. Why don't we buy with a Bobby start one?

Well, you know, I want my, I didn't get any jeans. I didn't either. Where's the jeans? Danny has them. Danny has them. Danny got jeans. What are you looking to me for? Huh?

What are you looking to me like that? I don't know, because you're to my right. Well, look at Dan. Dan, we have no, looking right at you. Dan has given us a silent treatment during today's perfect gene. Say goodbye to crushed nuts and saggy butts. That's pretty funny. With the perfect gene, they fit great.

Don't shave and stretch with you. I love the fact that they're making guy jeans. Girl gene, girls had these jeans for years. Now we finally have, we had that Levi. It felt like wearing like cardboard or an actual cow. The perfect jeans are comfy. Oh, that's my money. Stop, take it.

Take it? Take it? No. I thought it said starve. You were writing yourself not to eat. It literally says starve. It says starve. Yeah. Your perfect gene.

Don't eat, dude. Don't call me every 40 minutes. Look, they have thick. They got skinny, short, tall, perfect jeans has you covered with six fits. That's how to describe my body. One gene. With six fits, waist sizes up to 50 and lengths up to 38. Me.

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That's some confidence in your product. Can I say this too? I'm excited about this because you got, I don't know if you guys have noticed this. I have not worn jeans in two years. I wear like dockers or track pants because jeans, they're too much.

It's hot. Exactly what they said. You keep on talking about jeans like this. We're going to have to docker your pay. Well, that's why I'm getting the perfect gene For a limited time, fans of the regs get 15% off their first order, plus free shipping at the perfect gene. Or just Google the perfect gene and use code regs 1.5 for 15% off.

That's 15% off for new customers at the perfect gene. With promo code regs 1.5. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them, support the show, and tell them the reg set you. Fuck your khakis and get the perfect gene. You didn't say a fuck good. Fuck. Nope.

Fuck your khakis and get the perfect jean. Let me try it. Fuck your khakis and get the perfect key. Well, how am I going to get my car started then? Fuck your car keys. I'm back. Car keys. All right.

I wish I knew you were coming out. I brought you some cigars. I brought cigars for the boys. Can I mention something? Can I make, do you guys point out lies here? Yeah. Yeah. So last time I...

That's the best way to bring anything up. You guys bring up deceit? Two times ago I saw Bobie. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. can we guess who's being called down on a lie? We already know. We know. Cigars.

I said it. It was cigars. I was going to guess Bobby. You're right. Also, I'll allow it. And you're right. Also, I don't like. I was going to guess Bobby.

Dan knows. I'm honest Dave. I did say, hey, they have a cigar box and it's brocic. And he said, next time you'll see me, I'll have a fix. I did see him next time about three weeks ago. And he said, shit, I didn't get to it. Next time you see me, I will have a fix. Oh, it's a Jew box.

That is a Bobby Kelly guarantee. Bob, is that cigar box fixed or are you a liar? This is a gift for Ari. Are those your initials? J-E-W? Those ares. This is a beautiful gift. This cigars in.

Oh, they're cigars. Wow. That somebody made and it got a little warped. Made badly. Badly, it got badly warped. And I told him that I would get it fixed. Did you get it fixed?

He said he would fix it himself. I said I would fix it myself. But I didn't... Did you say next time I see you? Bobby, the answers, yes. Can I be honest with you? Yes. I didn't think you're going to survive your trip.

Damn. I thought I was going to... Bobby bet on Central America. I thought he wasn't going to make it back. Bobby, can I retort? Can I retort to your retort? You retorted. Last time you saw me,

which was about two weeks ago, you said, okay, fine, I didn't know you to survive your trip, but the next time you see me, I will definitely have it there. Wait a minute. First of all, the next time I see you on my terms,

not on your rando, can I get free waters in a place to sleep terms? I didn't know you were showing up today. Oh, you meant. I knew you were showing up. Yeah, where are you don't have an apartment here anymore?

Dude, you don't think the homeless shelter community in New York City is a top shelf? Yeah, he just fucking does a conch shell off of a building and they let him in. He's got up to a month. I mean, you've got to move shelters. You can move in with Max down the basement. Do you know how frustrating it is when you leave a shelter and call an Uber to your next one? That's really funny. Is my Uber black outside?

What are the rules for shelters? Can you just show up? 30 days. Like you may right? You have to look like that. Well, can they prove that you're not homeless? What? I don't know.

No, you can just go. You can just show up. Yeah. They love a non-critail. Oh, my God, they go. Do you want to run it? Do you want to run this place? Yeah.

Oh, comedy crazy over schizo crazy? They'll take it any day. Are you staying in shelters? I have trouble making investments. Like, that's fine. Get on it. You have socks, though? Get on in.

Yeah. He's staying in a high rise in the upper west side. I'm moving on up. On up to the east side. On the west side. Deluxe apartment. To a deluxe a sublet in the sky. No, I'm back there.

Is Joe paying for it with his millions of dollars? Oh, I have water. You need a water? I have one for you. It's really shitty. What do we do? Why is it shit? You're all right?

Are you getting vertigo? Privately. What's happened? And he's told him on five pockets. And now he's just upping the amount. He goes, damn, it's crazy. Joe List has $48 million. Can I, can I deceive you too?

Can I, what's it called when you hurt somebody by sharing private information? Hurting. Betray. Betray. Joless told me that his wife was pregnant with their first child. He'll be not selling anybody. And now I'm saying.

What's fucked up? It's my birthday. It is fucked up. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. No zing zone. He's in the no zing zone. You look like you're like French military, but you do something with computers. I'm a cold breaker.

I mean up to creep. Lazy competent. You guys want to come over? We're having some people over the house after this. Not you guys over there. Any of you three? What time? After this.

I got to run. Who are you having over them? You three? You having your other? group of friends? Yeah, my less successful friends. I'm a show on a TV show, actually many times. Two different TV shows.

Yeah. Imagine that. Why only you three and not you four. Damn. Ephoria. It's a good show. Yeah. Who we got?

Katie Hannigan. Mike Feckhion. I'm in for both. Fucking one of the funnest guys to party with. Mike Vickione? Absolutely. Funest guys to party with. I lived with him for 10 years.

You get him to party? You're having a good time. Dude, getting him high is the best high. It is very fun. Who else is coming over? That way, Karen Feehan, the baby. You're just inviting us all last minute now.

Yes. This is the manipulation tactic. Yes. Because he knows nobody's going to be able to just come. This is what rich people do. This is what rich people do. They walk around with their millions of dollars in their pants. Yeah.

And they invite you late. You always invite us late. Yeah. You never invited. If you would have told me yesterday, like, hey, tomorrow after the podcast, people are going to come over. I would have made plans.

I would have loved it. I would have loved it, too. Input. I was invited a week ago. One week? So you're a one week. So you're, So you're here.

Wait a minute. You're here because you're going with him back to his house. It's a party. It's a party at the sky. And I can I say something to you? You're having a birthday party? You didn't invite us and we're podcasting. Oh, it's a birthday party.

Oh my God. I forgot it's your birthday. Yeah. You're having a birthday party and didn't invite any of us. And we're podcasting on his birthday. Wow. Can I tell you? Take those cigars.

Yeah. I got a few things to say. Please. And I mean this. Yeah. Well, you know what you don't have headphones either. Hey. I texted you Friday night too to hang out

you and I brought cigars. And you were going to bring this up. And you never texted me back. And wait. Thursday. And I texted you back. Sorry I didn't get back to you, but I'm around. You didn't write that. I can't believe you had a birthday.

I didn't get back to. Verifiable. Verifiable for sure. Real quick. Yeah. Guys? Yeah. He's having a birthday party and he didn't invite us.

That's insane. I just did. No, you didn't. Inviting us an hour before it starts. A fucking 90 minutes into the podcast. And he invited Ari Javier a week ago. Joe, these are tough allegations. I wrote back.

Are you in the city tonight? Joe, you are really fucked on me. I can explain all of it. Bring it, bitch. You wrote, are you in the city tonight by any chance? I wrote, no, but I am tonight. No, 24 hours you wrote back. But referencing the night before.

Bobby does that. Bobby's a day late guy. You can figure this out today. That is. But now. We're all a dollar short. But now. But now.

But wait, then I wrote, then I wrote this. But I got it right back right away. But I have a new box of cigar. I brought a box of cigars. Brand new box. in the thing to hang out with you on Friday night and nothing. And then I wrote back, okay. Then I wrote back okay again.

I didn't get for the okay. Then I wrote happy birthday. And I wrote back, thank you, I love you. I said, looking forward to hanging today. Happy birthday would have been a decent reminder to say I'm having a birthday. Birthday party. That would have been a perfect. And you know what?

Crazy that you're having a Monday night raw birthday party, theme birthday party. Do you know what the one thing on my calendar on my birthday is? Invite Katie here again. To hang out with. to hang out. Call Katie Hannigan. See if hot dad from Easter egg Hunt is around.

Let me explain all of this, and I will explain all this. So calm. Oh, man, that's someone that's guilty. He's like, and I will. And I will. He really has millionaire energy right now. Somebody that's guilty gets up and screams

and yells a whole bunch and goes, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Deflection, nice. Are you calling me a baby again? Okay, fine. I do sound like that sometimes. Yeah, I do want to know where Baba is. Yeah.

Yeah. A. Keys do make me jiggle. Anybody who's lying uses A, B, and C, too, first of all. That's true. Oh, that is true. You're a liar.

He's a liar. Somebody do a smash cut every time he says this. Hang on. First of all. I don't fucking do that. And he uses the finger. Bobby, your honor, badgering the witness. I've been friends with Bobby for 20 years.

Bobby has never started a sentence statement, question, or story without some kind of preface. Here's the thing. You know what? Dude, listen to this. Sign of a liar. You're right. First of all.

You're right. And you're sounding like a liar. Everything. I'll own it. And you're lying right now. Yeah. Bobby, thank you for being honest for once.

Thank you, buddy. Oh, I'm not. I'm not lying. First of all, first of all, my big plan, I have many points. Of course you do.

I've received many allegations today. Yeah, you're a piece of shit. You're an elf on a shelf. Yeah. Explain that one first. We had a two hour hang blocked off. for my birthday with the brownie and the cake here hanging out.

Also, Oh, we think this is a hang? Our job? This is not. This is work. This is not a hang. I'm right wearing Carhart. Again, Lewis is wearing.

These guys are roofing houses. Lewis isn't even approaching work. Lewis is wearing Carhart. It's hard to work. Oh, hold on. Let me call my roofer. I have his opinion on this. He goes,

Me, sir, the lightning almost struck me again. It's all Mexican workers. Lewis is all illegal Mexican workers. You guys, there's no chance. You guys are. ever coming to my house ever. I swear to God, if you would have told me before just now, I would be there. You should come now to spite. No, he doesn't want me there. I would love for having me. I've never been to your... He couldn't even get the sentence out correctly. He would say he said,

I would love for have you there. I've never met his wife. How many times have you been? I was there yesterday. I'll be there again today. Are you staying there? I came right from the airport yesterday because I loved you so much. You hung on with him Friday night too, right? No. Or Saturday night. I hung up both. No. Friday night. Shifty eyes. I got 70 things to respond. So is the shifty eyes. This is Bobby, though.

Have you been to his house? No. He refuses to let me meet his wife. I text Bobby. I would love you to meet my wife. I have not allowed to. Wait, your wife is Sarah? I thought you guys were just friends.

I've never been, I've never. I can't even talk to Karen. Remember when I had Max? Remember when I had Max? And I invited all you, you were the first people. Are you to the hospital? Yeah. I invited.

I've been to three of your homes. Yeah. Yeah, me too. And you're welcome all the time. I'll tell you the code. Thank you. I guess we find out we're just work, friends. Wow.

I text Bobby Thursday night. This hurts. You around by any chance? He texts me back 25 hours later. I don't respond. Within 26 hours. I'm hanging out at the stand. Thursday night.

Thursday night, conveniently, when I'm going to. When he knows you're not going to be able to hang. But I'm not. That's a slick. That's a slick move. At 746 p.m. text me. Are you around?

I needed a comic. too late. You guys don't do this. You needed a what? I still haven't finished a what? You needed a what? A friend. No, what did you say? What did you say? A killer comic that could fucking kill. Did I text them? It was. It was work. Wow. Spreading the hate. You know what, Bobby? Yeah. I bet they don't do this on Protect Our Parks. No. I bet they don't have, you guys don't have parties.

We hold hands and we just kind of chill and we just talk about better than the world. Let's hold hands. Let's us four, four. Wait, I haven't got to finish my thing, though. Because you're guilty. That was weird. No. You're guilty. And you guys. I had to commit. I helped out. You guys are all picking on me. This is my birthday. But Lewis and Soder, know this.

You don't text back for 24 hours. Just ignore my text. And then you text me, I don't get back to you within 90 minutes. And you write, okay. Whoa, that was right away, okay. Within an hour. Let's stop. Right now.

Let's stop right now. You texted me for a job. I texted you for a hang. You didn't say hang. You said, I have cigars. I have a box of fresh cigars. You didn't say for you. Now, no, no.

Now, no. Everybody. You was bragging. Everybody. shut your eyes. And what if that little girl was white? You rest of case. We have a two-hour hang here.

Can I tell you one other thing? Please. Some of you change the energy of a hang. Whoa. This is... I do voices. I bring other people. I call your nerd friends out for being shitty.

This is Katie Hannigan. Karen Feehan. That's what it is. And Mike, he doesn't want to mix worlds. It's about... I can't have you guys. Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't be mixed.

You'll be wrong. The guest. I shouldn't, I shouldn't be around Mike Vecione. I only live with him for 12 years. He's a plus one. You think I invited me. I used to. Oh, my friend.

Me Corazon. Fucking a plus one. That's my brother. That's my. This is the men. We should all go and fucking ruin it. And by the way. You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to bring some fucking empty eggs and I'm going to dump them in the middle. And, wait. If these guys change the vibe, why are they invited now? Yeah. So they won't come. You know we couldn't go. Damn, Lewis, he straight up said that you're going to change the energy. No, and can I tell you something else?

If I had texted Joe Russell and Danny laugh or whatever, Danny Braff. That's so funny. Danny no laugh. Danny chuckles odd. These guys would have come. That's the problem. I would have said, hey, everyone's invited. Just text the group separately.

I didn't think of that. You could text the three of us. But you could also say you guys are invited. Sorry, guys, you aren't. And they're not going to know. No losers. They know who it is. It's a small apartment.

I can't afford a bigger apartment. You literally can't. You have a two bedrooms. You have a two bedrooms. You have three million dollars. You have three million dollars. I have three million friends and I had to invite the other two point nine. He doesn't like, he doesn't like mix into worlds.

This world is a work world. No, I get it. And that's not a friend. We're not friends. You're calling your friends. What are you guys doing right after this? Now let's see. Let's see.

I have an hour to kill before. An hour to kill. That's the name of your next special. Come to my house. Ooh. An hour to do. That's a good fucking name for a special. That's a great name for a special.

That's incredible. How is no one thought of that? Somebody has to have that. A comedy special. Wow, what a fucking line. How did you just stumble into gold, water pockets? Oh, I broke it in this one. These cheers can, right?

God, these guys just penned the paper. You have an hour to kill. Come to the house. It only takes 20 minutes to get there. That gives you 40 minutes. hang up. No, I'm not getting a fucking sympathy hang.

Yeah, don't try to fucking you up me. He might be a simp, but he's not a sympathy hang. You're texting Bobby Lewis and I at three in the morning. You guys up? Yeah.

I got a spot. I need someone, not even in my original on the show, I may, hey man, somebody fucking fell out. Can you fill in? Joe,

I'm honored to be an actual invite. Damn. That's wild. What did you say? You don't even like all me. You know what's the sound of my heartbreaking? Because I saw him. yesterday I said, why don't you come over?

I was right away before and I'll never forget it. Thank you. What did you say? Nothing is just between me and Joe. We already had a two-hour hang planned. Most people would not podcast on their birthday. I do two podcasts on my birthday. I started a podcast on my birthday.

I started an a-a-a-a-a-a-diffing on my birthday. Didn't he sleep at your house? No, I wouldn't let him sleep in my house. Are you nuts. That's crazy. Very specific rules. Even yesterday, he's like, we're, We're about done with our hang.

You should go. We literally kicked him out of the house. They just went to the other room with their kid. No way. And I'm like, I guess I'll leave. Can I tell you something? I can show you. You want to talk about test?

You weren't kidding about him being there yesterday? I will show you 50. He's not here for us. He's here with Joe. He didn't leave for a year at a time. To do the regs before I do protect our parks. This is so much better a podcast. I agree.

Drop. That's the trailer for this episode. I would love to you guys. Why? Why? Why the fuck? You hung with them all day yesterday. I'm not going to lie.

I know I'm working to myself and do a shoot. I'm genuinely starting to get upset. We hung up for like, what the fuck? We hung up for like two hours yesterday. Oh, Ari. Oh, you did a two hour hang with him yesterday. Two hour hang with him tonight. I'm going to invite it to the two hour hang before the birthday party.

No! No! And the yesterday. He wanted to hang. I was dying off the day. He's here. He's here. I didn't want to hang out with him yesterday.

It sucks. All he's not here for us. Always here for you for the pre-hanging. Yes, not us. Then he's going with you for the other hang and he had to hang yesterday. No, I'm here for the three of you so you can make some fucking money on this goddamn the end project. Thank you.

Shout out, though. But you know me, I'm standing next to the golden news. Guys, just check on Reddit. I will post all episodes to the Legion of Sank's subreddit. I will make sure that you guys get him for free. Pirated. I swear to you go, I'm talking to everyone on the dark web. I'll get this for you.

Joe hates us. Joe doesn't like us. He likes working with us. He tolerates us. Joe, who would change the vibe the most? He would be in Amsterdam. Who would change the vibe the most? I have an answer to that.

Of the four of us, who has brought ketamine to a wedding? No, just him. You have two. Never? No, I drew it before. Yeah, I did it before, and I had some left over. You brought it to a destination wedding.

I had some left over. And sometimes impractical jokers like ketamine. That's really. It was the craziest thing. Ketamine had a wedding. I was like, well, people listening to this right now

we're going like, yeah, dude, ketamine had a wedding. That's where you do, ketamine. We had a nice, lovely, people aren't saying it

like it's cocktail hour before the reception. A two hour hey. Are you going to have a cake and all that stuff and presents? My wife is worth a damn. My wife is worth the shit.

Why don't you come? I can't, you know I can't. It's got a show. It's your busy day. You know I have bonfire. You know I can't. Exactly.

So you got a party on a day that you're friends. It's my fucking birthday, you fuck. I don't know that your birthday showed up on the day. Yes, it's my birthday. You got two hours. You could have your birthday on a... We had a two hour hang. Why's your birthday?

Bobby's got a five hours. Hey, why don't we all have a podcast episode in the middle of y'all's birthday? You think Dan's on his birthday? No, he's hanging out with Katie. I never scheduled that. I said, yes. I would love to. And then...

You hang out with Katie Hannigan? How'd you get her? I'm hanging out every birthday with Katie Hannigan? No, I hang out. Okay, don't tell me. That's why I can't go over. Katie Hannigan's catching strays now? Well, she got that I don't got.

And my wife was like, you can't, you got a podcast on your birthday? I'm going to go hang with my boys. Can I say something real quick? When you plan a party, we all know this, you go through the list of people, yay, nay, yay, nay. And you plan this party, and we were nays. Let me ask.

I want you to go around the room and say, And say how we would change the vibe of the party individually. Ney Bargettze. Good or good or bad. How he would change the vibe of the party, then me, then him, then him. Okay, go. Like ranking? Just say.

Just say. You already get him. No, he didn't do you have to leave shortly because my party is starting. Yeah. That's your heart out? Wow. Yeah. A fucking birthday part.

That's your heart. That was a birthday part. That was a heart out. What the fuck is. Wow. What the fucking did that heart of that would not invite a kid. The beginning of the show you were, We're going to go. We're going to go.

I can't tell you why. Joe is a bad friend. Joe is a bad friend. Joe is a bad friend. Oh, my God. When you're out of the zing zone, you're fucked, mister. You are fucked the next episode. Oh, my God, I'm going to zing the fuck out of you the next show.

The party. The big, big, big party doesn't start until four. But I have a babysitter. Sarah has to leave for her podcast. By the way, my wife, you would talk shitty. My wife scheduled her podcast on my birthday, which is crazy. but anyways what was the question?

Oh. No, dude. You scare women. Okay, that's why. Yes. That's not true. He gets the most pussy in the old show. I get the most pussy.

Yeah, I'm scaring them. Regular. That is right. You know what? I didn't think of the method. He does not think of the method. He does not scare young girls. Yeah, because they're too ignorant.

They don't have fear yet. They're too ignorant to know what to fear. Bobby will criticize the party. The balloon's not big enough. The food's not good enough. The fucking. There's too many. stairs, the window's dirty.

All right, now do me. You're just beard the best. You're a man. He really is. You're great. Dan is the best. You're great. Dan was always a first. Who the fuck am I going to scare? Isabel a Hagan? It's a bell. You're a fucking assol.

You're a fucking violinist. It's a viola. Whatever. Very talented. You went to Juilliard. Very, very talented. Respect the game. Seriously smell. No, in all seriousness. Don't be it serious. I'm going to look at everybody's eyes.

Okay. Look in the eyes. I You're not looking You're looking away Well I gotta think For a second He's got to lie Are you getting vertico

That's what happens Of the law No vertigo A few things I knew He's the tilt over He goes Never one

No Joe can't Be able to fake To get out of Joe can't Keep eye contact I knew we had A two hour hang

Right During the day Yeah Which I was excited for I showed up early I love Podcasting with you I love hanging out

With you guys And it's the only way we hang out This skankfest No you should invite us It's going to invite us. It's not true.

I called you. Getting us four together. What did you do Friday night? I was at the stand and I had three spots at the stand. My phone was on. Do not disturb because I'm present. I had four spots here. Yes.

And then I texted you. I have a box of cigars. After that. But I'm a very present person. I hang out and I'm with the people. Yeah, birthday presents today after the show, you piece of shit. Present double. I knew we're going to hang out.

And I did think. And I would have gotten a birthday gift. A good one because I could afford it. But you knew you got. What do you guys? What do you buy a man that has everything? I know. How about a cigar box that doesn't work?

Oh. Here's 20. So you remember it's from me. Who gave you that? This is it. We're not playing laser tag. This is a fucking five people that I wasn't already going to see. Coming over for three hours before Marty's bedtime to say goof around.

Karen lives across the street. Katie and Sarah have a podcast. He's starting to go full Dennis Miller on us. And Isabel, her fucking parents live up the street. These are all people that live close by. Joe, you've never invited me to hang. The balloon. You invite.

The balloon incident. You're still talking about it. The one that they put into his stomach so we stop eating? You married me. You fucking... It made me choke on swallowing my own spit. You were the reverend guy at my wedding. Yes.

So you've definitely been to his house. Nope. Oh. I've never been to his house. I never been to his house either. No. I've never been invited either. I've never been invited to you.

You've been to his house? You've been to his house? his house, you've been in my house. You can invite. We've all been invited. We've all been to each other's houses. You can come. You can come up there. But I've invited you to my house. I'm going to be your neighbor. I went to Sotomis has to do a podcast. I wasn't invited to a hang party. So they walked to my house one time. Just popped in. That's a friend. I've been to Sotom. Already's been to your house. I've been to your house.

You can stay at my house next time. Next time I'm in Jersey. I was going to come to your house. I've been to Louis's house for so many times. All of his houses. If you saw my apartment, you'd be like, don't invite you. We've all lived in that apartment. We've all lived in that apartment. We know. I live in that apartment right now. I had eight people for Thanksgiving in a one-bedroom doorman building. More like boorman. You know what? I'm not going to like, that was pretty good.

Go to your party. I would love for you guys to come. I still have a bobby-you-guess what. Guess what? I have a call at 3.15. Guess what? You're three minutes late for your hard out party. I know. Yeah. Well, stay and late. What do you have? Hey, guys. If you want to see. We have no plans. The regs plus Joe List next time. Wow. Yeah. Because we're clearly not.

Sorry, Dan. Dan, Dan, Dan, it's okay. I can't wait. Whatever day your birthday, I'm going to find out what your birthday is. You don't know our birthday. Of course I do. What's my birthday? What's his birthday?

June. No. October 8th. Thank you, buddy. It's October 8th. That's the day I started doing stand-up. Yeah, we say that every time. It's my birthday.

So much. September 17th. And you've never got me a gift. September 17th. No. June 8th. Oh, man. June 18th.

June 17th. June 11th. June 19th. We literally did this. this exactly. We did this exactly. You guys did this last episode. I also said that. We have to go because he has a party to get. Yeah, so.

No, I have a babysitter to a leave. Hey, everybody. Wish Joe a happy, happy birthday. Happy birthday. Lewis, though, I really should wish him a happy birthday. Thanks, guys. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, buddy. I hope you enjoy those cigars, man. I'm going to enjoy these. I'd love to come over and maybe smoke a couple of you. Please, dude. Come over. Do the pools open? We're friends. All right. Good seeing you. You too, guy. All right. Good seeing you, man.

Let's ride down together, buddy. The end. Go watch the end right now. Nature tech. Yeah. Yeah, that's the guy. Can you fix this for me? Go watch the end.

Oh, fuck. Everyone's texting. All right, we love you. Bye, everybody. See you guys next time. On the regs. The regs.