Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Xia Anderson, Rosebud Baker, Brendan Sagelow | Ball Dust

Episode Date: June 19, 2022

This week Xia Anderson, Rosebud Baker and Brendan Sagelow join Bobby to talk getting hired by SNL, inappropriate doctor visits and undercarriage eczema! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcast...choices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:35 Buscas contenido gratis. Pluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o Sensación de Vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. The fact that YKW did podcast, YKW did back again. Old school back in the day, we're all starting before them all. YKW did podcast is so fun and crazy, and there's no rules. Shut up, you ruining this! Perth of all, damn it, I'm sorry, it's comedy podcast.
Starting point is 00:01:20 This is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is an NPR. That's the part that Matt has done. Is there any better show? This is the original. The original. You know what, dude? What's up? We're back.
Starting point is 00:01:35 YKWD is back. Whether you like it or not. That's the way I fucking do it. Whether you like it or not, we're back. Last week's episode was great. This week's episode is great this week's episode is gonna be even better I mean, I'm just self-taught Anyways, I got a great episode today. I'm very excited about it
Starting point is 00:01:56 We're gonna make sure you right now do me a favor and click subscribe and hit like and comment on the YouTube page do that Just do that. That's that, just do that. That's all I need you to do. You're getting this for fucking not then every week. You're watching it, I'm fucking, you're in a truck. You're in a lumber yard stacking two by fours. You're in the garden, you're wife. You're driving in a car.
Starting point is 00:02:18 A long way of vacation, she's japping. And they're in the back of their iPads and you're listening in one earbud on this side so they can't see you, this podcast, just hit the like, subscribe button, and that's all I need from you. And if you wanna, we're gonna do an extra little bitty bitty bit, questions and answers of my, yes,
Starting point is 00:02:36 go to patreon.com.sas.robercally, become a member for under the price of a Kamamakiado way under, actually. I think that's seven bucks now. Seven dollars? Shut up, you're not ready yet. Oh my god, is that a banshee? Yeah, that's a fine. Christ, it's addicted to star wars, just panic.
Starting point is 00:02:54 I don't have that type of money. We're gonna be doing that and go to comicriples.com to get yourself a fresh YKWD hat. I'm wearing a hat. I know, I'm 51, this is stupid that I'm doing that. But it doesn't matter. I'm wearing a hat and there you go. So let's introduce the guests.
Starting point is 00:03:13 New Nikki, what do you got for me this week? We have Zia Anderson. Hello, thank you for having me. Can I say things now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I can say stuff. Bye. Thank you so much for having me, Bobby.
Starting point is 00:03:26 I've sufficiently bothered you enough to... No, it's good. I saw you came to my show. She fucking came to the show. How do I not have a run? It was fucking hilarious, Bobby. I was losing it. That was a really funny thing. Was that your boyfriend, your husband? That's my husband, Nick. That's your husband, yeah. Have you ever been on Ron and Fez? He was the producer there for a while. I was never on Ron and Fez. I was on producer there for a while. I was never on Ron and Fez.
Starting point is 00:03:45 I was on Bennington. Oh, Bennington. Okay. Yeah, I love Ron and Fez. Yeah. Yeah, so he was a producer there for a while. They just had a memorial for Fezzy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:53 That was not long ago, right? It was buddy. No, I think they just had another one. I just saw some stuff. I don't know. Maybe he's just putting pictures of it now. Mm-hmm. But it was pretty, and Ron, Ron Bennington,
Starting point is 00:04:05 people don't know this, that he was a massive radio star in Tampa. Really? I gotta go to Tampa. I mean, everybody's a massive radio star there. I could be a star. It's his Mike Low or his charisma. The charisma, Mike.
Starting point is 00:04:22 I think his Mike might be low. Anyways, it's my Mike's all the way up, but I mean, I can't hear me. I know, listen. You know, him, Ron and Ron in Florida was fucking massive back in the day. And Ron was a massive, you know, was the other Ron. And they actually, there was a photo of him
Starting point is 00:04:41 and Ron and Ron meeting again in hugging. It was kind of nice. Unlike, you know, OP and Anthony, you'll never see that hug, between maybe you think. Yeah, and a casket, over a casket. I think that either one would be celebrating if the other one died.
Starting point is 00:04:55 I feel like it would not be hugging a casket. Dan, that is sad, man. I'll never do that to any of them. Why does everybody say, am I going deaf? Why are my headphones low? I yeah Sounds low to me, but anyways who cares Yeah, she was you at my show that your boyfriend's young he looks very young. Yeah, he does he looks he's 36 Yeah, you guys both look like a very young couple. Thank you
Starting point is 00:05:17 So he's bummer to me when like some hot girl you know in the biz. This is my husband This I love my wife. I would never, but there's always a, hey, we're here to see you. This is my gay friend. I'm like, oh, that means she's here to see me. Is that what I should start introducing Nick as my gay friend? Oh, you fucking.
Starting point is 00:05:34 That's what I do with my husband. It works. Yeah, it works every time. No, that's what we do to your husband. This Nick, good looking fella. Good looking. I think so. I'm married.
Starting point is 00:05:44 I'm sorry. He's very good. I hope so. Thank'm married. Yeah, he's very good. I hope so. Thank you. Who else do we get on there? We have Brendan Sagalo. What's up everybody? Thanks for having me.
Starting point is 00:05:51 I like that you've made Nicole introduce people. That's the new, that's the job of the dude. Well, we used to do that all the time back in the day. Kelly Fistuke used to do it because you know what, is like I like to open the show like this, because I'll talk to her for a couple of minutes, and then we come to you, and we'll fuck around with you for a little bit, how annoying you can be.
Starting point is 00:06:12 Yeah. How you just say things. Yeah, and you're a stupid knuckle tattoo that annoys everybody. You know what, though. A dumb movie. You know what? I hate it.
Starting point is 00:06:21 What is it again? It's a, one of those, what do they call those what are they called you know what you tattoo it? I don't know any I don't even know what kind of car this is I don't remember when you got that word thunderbird. Yeah, I don't know what it's a Thunderbird it's like 57 I think remember when you got it and you got a a bad Exima reaction yeah, yeah, and it was like it was scabbing off I know I'm off for like a year Yeah, thank you. Thank you. I try not to remember that. That's a fun time.
Starting point is 00:06:46 I am getting Exama medicine though. Look how good I look. I mean, like, it looks pretty good now, right? You look good, yeah. I've never noticed you looked bad. You have Exama. I have terrible Exama. Oh, of course you got Exama.
Starting point is 00:06:56 Fucking sucks, dude. Really? Oh yeah. Sometimes it is not my back. My knuckles and sometimes my balls. Oh, your balls get Exama. I'll be itching my balls and it will be like selling No, it's not like in most
Starting point is 00:07:10 Areas is that it's not a it's not like contagious if that's what you're asking you have to use like like dad of shampoo in your nuts What are you doing your balls? I just nothing I put I put a, I put a, like, lotion and stuff. Listen, as soon as you, you still with your girlfriend? Yeah. All right, marry her. Why? Because no one else, the fact that you got somebody to be with you and they know about your fucking balls.
Starting point is 00:07:36 Bobby, women love. Let's sag a little, okay. I forgot my name, man. Sorry. Ladies love cool sags. Cool sags? Yeah, cool sags. Ladies love cool sacks. Cool sacks? Ladies love cool sacks. Oh, I know.
Starting point is 00:07:50 LL, LL, see. Oh my god, you're so dumb. You didn't even know. Let's, let's speaking of, who's our next guest? Speaking of dumb. Speaking of fucking better at writing jokes. We have Rosebud Baker. Rosebud Baker. Hello.
Starting point is 00:08:05 How are you? I'm all right. Yeah, you seem like you're all right here. I mean, I know what I look like coming in here, and I was like, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. You're the best looking thing. What are you room talking about all the time?
Starting point is 00:08:19 I look like a showgirl got in a bus accident. That's what I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror You look you're such an asshole. This is the problem with being gorgeous and you probably you both The is suck. Yeah, you have low self-esteem, which I like terrible self-esteem. I just convinced that you hate me Bobby I love you. I Don't like that much I love Rosebud way more I look a little more than you when it goes Rosebud say a little than love the tagelow more than you,
Starting point is 00:08:45 but it goes Rosebud, say a little than you, but you're very close to taking his spot. Oh, yeah, I mean, if you want it, you have nothing really comes with my spot. No, I love you. Well, ball, you know, there's ball eggs. There's ball eggs, right? Get growing egg.
Starting point is 00:09:00 I don't have to wash that seat, because I slipped out of my shorts. Rosebud, I hate that you, this is what sucks about me. I don't have to wash that seat. I just slipped out of the shorts. Rose, but I hate that you, this sucks about me. I'm not saying I'm an unattractive person. I'm saying I caught a glimpse of myself in the window on the way in and I went, ugh. I just went gross.
Starting point is 00:09:16 Yeah, fat people, we don't look at ourselves in the window. I'm constantly in that. I'm not at that. I'm not that bad. I'm not even looking at my own face. I'm constantly, every time I walk by a window, looking at my body and going, I never do that.
Starting point is 00:09:26 I stopped doing that years ago. I did, you stopped doing that. Well, I just fucking almost cried in front of the serious satellite building. That's how I stopped. I just saw an uppercase B staring back at me. And I was like, oh, it's certain Bobby. And then I knew I was about to go up to that fucking show and be torn apart for the same reason. Yeah. fuck that.
Starting point is 00:09:45 I don't look, I don't, I don't look at anything. I'm on a diet, I'm starting my diet today. Again, again. What kind of diet now? No bread, no soda, no fried food. Meat, cheese, vegetables, not even cheese. That's going back to basics. Going back to the basics.
Starting point is 00:10:01 Like the caveman. Yes, exactly. What I like about that is there's so much room for you to fuck up There's so much I did it before I did I did four weeks of keto Herde of it. No, you ever been in ketosis? Isn't that the starving yourself between these been in ketosis for 18 seconds The thing where you don't eat at night, which is like no that's intermittent. Yeah. Oh, right. I did that once
Starting point is 00:10:24 I did that too. I'm gonna do that as well like, no, that's intermittent. That's intermittent. Yeah, all right, I did that once. I did that too. I'm gonna do that as well. I started doing that by accident. I'm gonna start myself. Oh, you're talking about your diet, it's am allergic. I'm allergic. I don't look to fat dudes.
Starting point is 00:10:35 Yeah, sorry. Yeah, that's actually bald dust. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God. That's the air. Oh, you're all contaminated. It's floating in the air like in Stranger Things.
Starting point is 00:10:49 It's not contagious though, like that stuff. Examine now. You understand if Examine is contagious, you'd have no friends. You'd work no clubs. You'd have to carry your own mic. I don't think so. I think I'm just fucking super likeable. Well, if it's only on his balls and it's like, you're not I just want to let you know that we've actually talked you're not super likeable
Starting point is 00:11:10 Super annoying. We had a meeting. Yeah, we talked everybody talked. I think annoying and my can it was at least super likeable Yeah, but he put in a vote for himself. Yeah, he's super super Super country too. Yeah, but if my cannon is likeable, then I must be fucking Mickey Mouse because I'm. I hate. I hate that. I hate you so much. I really don't think before I talk.
Starting point is 00:11:36 I'm sure that's all that. I'm like, well, then I'm Mickey Mouse. Just sound funny. You're coming out of you. You were you actually are the most like happy go lucky comic I know and you hang out with miserable people That's what it is. I'm also miserable you wake up in the morning And I've been on the road with you Brennan you wake up in the morning and you play some dumb theme song from some 80s show Oh man every morning what does matter?
Starting point is 00:12:04 from some 80s show every morning this motherfucker would stop matter with the rules. Oh, I play growing pains all the what it has to go. What? Show me that smile. Yes, yes, that's one every morning I would wake up you. Show me that smile. Look, it actually works. I really don't waste another minute on your cryin' when o'er near the end o'er near the best is waiting to begin as long as we got each other we got the world's meaning right in our hands baby, everyone's me we got a big, sorry, the luckiest dreamers
Starting point is 00:12:44 who never dreamin' Brendan, I truly like you before this moment Yeah, we're not getting slagged for that The algorithm is not gonna pick up the song on that You're tone deaf to assholes If you got copyrighted, yeah Okay I was so annoying the first time I was gonna sing
Starting point is 00:13:01 Believe it or not, I'll fly it on air I never thought I could feel so free Oh man, it's the best I hated it the first morning we were on the road and then the second morning I was like okay, I can't get it you know don't be confused. I'm a miserable person But why do you have to play that does that help you in the morning like people meditate and pray? I listen to music in the morning. And I used to meditate. I don't meditate as much.
Starting point is 00:13:28 What song get you going? Like, get you really pumped up. Oh, uh, uh, Ace of Base. That beautiful life. How's it going? It's beautiful life. Uh-oh! It's a beautiful life.
Starting point is 00:13:41 Oh! Yeah, dude. Yeah. Any kind of like thing like that, uh, Ace of Base It's a beautiful life. Oh! Yeah, dude. Yeah. Any kind of like thing like that, ace of bass or like whatever those 80s hits were. Right. Any of the, uh,
Starting point is 00:13:52 any of the Rocky tunes or karate kid, what, what about the karate scene? Oh, no, no. You're the best. No! That was not an apple jankin' down. You're the best. Yeah!
Starting point is 00:14:02 That would be good if I worked out. I like it every time Bobby is high. I know what people are. You have to go high to the best. I have to put my stomach off my abdomen so I can actually make go. What about backstreet boys? I love the backstreet boys. I love backstreet boys.
Starting point is 00:14:22 I forget their songs though because it was in what's the other one? I want it that way Tell me why Nothing but a heart Tell me why Nothing but a mistake Tell me why I never want to He say
Starting point is 00:14:44 On it that way Now I can sing We're falling apart From the way it used to be Yeah No matter the distance I want you to know And hear you say
Starting point is 00:15:03 I'm here Oh, this is... Oh my god So many people just find... I know This is oh my god so many people just like See you I'd rather listen to my family some guy just took his one-year butt out. I also Anyways, I don't think Donnie Depp is guilty Dapp is guilty. I don't know. You shut up. I'm gonna fuck you listen to my voice every day. Give me your opinions on fucking law.
Starting point is 00:15:28 Bitches, bitches, an esthetician. Relax. Pop a zit, shut your mouth, get some extra table. Pop a zit. Pop a zit, shut your mouth. It's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very,
Starting point is 00:15:41 it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's in, show your mouth. Yeah. With Bobby Kelly. You need music in the morning to get me. My kid loves music. I don't like, I'm gonna admit this.
Starting point is 00:15:51 I don't like music. Oh, music? No, no, I love music, but I'm not a, I'm not a, I need a song in the car. Yeah. I would rather listen to, when I drive, I put on YouTube and I'll put on, you know, fucking... Old episodes of ONA.
Starting point is 00:16:09 No, I don't listen to that. That's where the days, I don't listen. I don't listen to that shit either. I listen to like, behind the scenes of the Godfather. Oh, that's cool. Like, oh, I listen to like, who's that guy? He does a lot of the... You listen to him.
Starting point is 00:16:28 I forget his name. I know, I'm like, I'm not good. This is why I'm not good with this stuff, though. I'm not good with stats. I don't know singers, songs, albums. I don't know baseball players, you know, pictures, teams. I don't know a name that shit.
Starting point is 00:16:41 I don't, when people do, do you remember in the Godfather? I don't. I just saw it, I still don't remember it. I retain very little, but I do retain how to fix things. Like, I had to fix my cabinet, the door fell off, right? And either I get a new cabinet or I hire a guy to do it. I go on YouTube and I watch like five guys fix it. And I retain it, I'm done.
Starting point is 00:17:02 I'm incredible. I go home and I know how to do it and I fixed it. It's done You can do anything with YouTube now like But I think the reason why you can retain that is because you're actually doing it your like I care You're doing it yourself, so maybe it's easier to remember something when you've done it before You didn't make the godfather. No, I did. I was part of it. My name is Al ruddy I Coppola. I got to stop hitting this mic thing.
Starting point is 00:17:28 I, I, yeah, I don't know. Nobody's the same thing. I'm constantly going like this. Um, yeah, I, I don't know. I, I love, like, I love listening to people talk. There's this new girl. I don't know her name before you ask on Facebook. She's English and she's talking about maybe maybe a somebody in the chat or somebody can figure it out. I don't know. She's like this. She knows all about history. But like they're discovering now that we're not as we have civilization was 12,000 way more longer than before. We had aqueducts and source systems before we thought we were.
Starting point is 00:18:08 All the shit that we learned is kind of, now that they're discovering more shit, and they have all this, you know, sonar stuff and they can go understuff and now they ceased it. It's like, oh shit, we were actually smarter, one point. Yeah. And then something happened. Some catastrophic thing just wiped out humanity
Starting point is 00:18:27 and we had to start over. Yeah, I saw a documentary about the pyramids and they were talking about that. Wait, you found us on YouTube? She's on YouTube and Facebook. And she talks about history with the English accent. Yes, cute though. She's really cute.
Starting point is 00:18:40 That helps. So are you watching or listening? I was listening. I put it on my, this would Accents? Listening. I was listening. I put it on my, this would happen the other day. It was a fucking nightmare. I have a magnet phone case. This phone case has a magnet.
Starting point is 00:18:51 I have a little magnet on my remember. I put my phone up there and I don't watch, but I listen to YouTube stuff, right? And the phone fell off in the middle of the ride. Hit you right in the nose. No, it fell on the ground and I couldn't get it because I'm too chubby. I couldn't reach down to you. I had to you right in the nuts. No, it fell on the ground and I couldn't get it because I'm too chubby. I couldn't reach down. I had to drive like it was 1978. No.
Starting point is 00:19:08 Like 40 minutes. Just looking at the road. No radio. You didn't even get in there. You didn't even get in there. You're myself breathing heavy. Wait, so it fell and then it turned off? It fell on the ground.
Starting point is 00:19:18 No, yeah, just stopped playing. YouTube shut off. So I was quiet in my car for 48 minutes. Oh my gosh. I was, I was like, it was like, like brought me back my child to go into the ham Shirt in the back seat. How terrible is it to be alone with your own thoughts in silence? It's the fucking worst. Yeah, anytime there's any kind of silence. I'm like, oh no, the existential dread is gonna make It's way into my brain. I need something to keep my brain occupied at all times. We don't have anything going on up here
Starting point is 00:19:41 my brain occupied at all times. We don't have anything going on up here. I'm just realizing it's nothing. Tell me when things turn off, I don't, I literally barely notice. When you don't use your phone for over an hour in a car, not in your house, is there still stuff to do? Yeah, you can. When you're in an unfamiliar place in your car,
Starting point is 00:20:02 or at a restaurant, or on a plane, and you don't touch your phone or use any device. If I'm at a party and I don't look at my phone, then I start to panic. Really? Because they're on people, is it like a social anxiety thing maybe? Not really. I just, I just don't like, whenever you're at a party, people are, they're not talking about interesting shit. I was with, I was at a party with you the other day. Nobody was talking about anything interesting.
Starting point is 00:20:24 Oh, it's awful. And everybody's looking at where another person who's better than you is. Why were you there? I was talking about an interesting shit. I was at a party with you the other day. Nobody was talking about anything interesting. Oh, it's awful. And everybody's looking at where another person who's better than you is. Why were you there? I fuck it snung my way in. I was so happy he was there. Well, well, well, well, well,
Starting point is 00:20:35 put a party with everybody was looking so nice. It was the SNL, like, after party for sure. How did you get in there? You know, I'm a pretty important guy. Ghee! You're looking with, like, a Guinness T-shirt, those three times too small. I called him, I called up Gorns and I said, look.
Starting point is 00:20:49 I think I'm gonna make this one and everybody went, okay. How did you get in? Jeremiah Watkins asked if I wanted to go with him. Why he was going? Yeah, is he gonna be on SNL? No. He's first to come to the party. He's friends with, yeah, he's gonna come to the party.
Starting point is 00:21:05 He's friends with. Yeah, I've been before there, the just tragic. So you know that, but if you've been before, you know, it's easy to get in. Well, it's easy for us to get in, where we're at the business. I was wondering where, don't you get in there, what type of,
Starting point is 00:21:20 let me, I'm gonna, I'm gonna put you in on a little, please. I'm gonna, on a little, I don a little please. I don't know a little I don't want to go ahead. You're impressed. But how many? I'm gonna commit commit. We're all sitting at the same table right now Same fate would no matter where you are in the business. You're sitting across you work fast in hell now. Yeah, I'll come You never told me I did tell you didn't I never I Found it from somebody else. First of all, so happy. Congratulations. Thank you. That makes me so happy
Starting point is 00:21:50 because we've all been through a lot of shit in the last couple of years. Mm-hmm. And, you know, and, you know, now I'm going to go through more. Well, listen, that's a great thing. That's amazing. It's cool. It's just don't rip it apart. I'm not. Please. I wouldn't. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing there. Yeah, who the fuck? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:22:12 I was literally shooting my specials going, why am I doing this? Yeah. I don't fucking deserve this. Yeah, it's like a, but I mean, genuinely, like you know what you're doing in comedy. You know, like you have a skillset. I don't know what I'm doing in, like I've never written sketch, really. I don't, like I got there and I was like, oh fuck. Ah, jeez, jeez.
Starting point is 00:22:34 I'm like a toddler making lasagna. Did you call up Fini? I need you help quick. Wow, that's what you got to do. What you want to do is act it out in your room first. Get a broomstick. Anything, hold it. You found holes that I've gotten from Fini. Wait a minute, let me go live.
Starting point is 00:22:45 Hey, everybody, I'm talking to a Rosebud Baker here. You called me, I guess it was a few weeks ago, and I'm telling this because I said it to him directly, but he was like, hey, I got this audition on Zoom and I was like wondering, should I stand up or should I sit down for it? And I was like, can I stop you? Can I stop you? He asked me the same thing. Oh my God, I was like, I'm gonna stop you. Can I stop you? Can I stop you?
Starting point is 00:23:05 He asked me the same thing. Oh my God, I was like, stop just telling me that you have an audition. You're just telling me you have an audition. I don't think that I understand that that's part of it, but here's what I figured out with Fini. He needs help. He needs reassurance.
Starting point is 00:23:21 He doesn't have a dad that supports somebody in his family. He needs support in this business. Yeah. He has a lot of questions. He's got a ton of questions. He's got a lot of questions. For the casting director. And he has.
Starting point is 00:23:34 And he has. He's got a lot of questions for the casting director. Hey, there's people to support you. They work doing it on edition. Should I wear my hat on the side? Or should I wear a green shirt? What are you thinking? He goes, but there's seven pages of dialogue.
Starting point is 00:23:49 Like should I memorize? I was like, you could have memorized those seven pages in the time it took to text me this. I wonder who he didn't, I wonder who he didn't respect enough to take their advice. Was it you and then he called me? All of a sudden he and then goes, he's from a lot of time.
Starting point is 00:24:04 I just said, you could have memorized, I was Oh, is it me and then goes? He's from a lot of times. I just said you could a memory. I was like, Fini, just do the thing. I told him memory. What was the thing? Just do the thing. I told him it was just memorizing lines as confidence. I was like, just confident.
Starting point is 00:24:15 You got to, I know the shit and that's it. And then I gave him this app. I had this great app rehearsal. Oh, see, you were very nice. I didn't know if, if I were help you. You were, he was calling you and like making the rounds, I would have told him to go fuck himself. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:30 Because I have a lot of shit going on. Yeah. But I'm like, all right, do this, do that. I want to help him out. But I didn't know he was going through the rounds to get help from everybody. He should quit. He should, he should, he should.
Starting point is 00:24:41 He should be. I wasn't any help to him. I was, I was zero helped to him. I help to tell you what he never asked me for advice And I would tell him stop overthinking just fucking sit down. You're saying it right now. You're like you didn't ask me for my advice But in case your camera is right Where's my camera right there sit down Fucking seal I'm just haphazard. Fucking seal.
Starting point is 00:25:07 That doesn't mean so well on the audition, but the casting director is like, am I sitting? But I'm telling you, don't kid yourself. I got an audition. I got two auditions on La Nota. I booked them. 15 minutes after I left the audition, I got a call. You got the part. One, because I wore a stupid hat.
Starting point is 00:25:30 I had a, I have, I have, I have, with the hat things. Your hat says, I'm the murderer. Yeah. What? I had a hat. I had the stupid hat. That's it.
Starting point is 00:25:39 And before I went in, yeah. Created by Dick Wolf. I had a, had a pen and a piece of paper. Ah, what's going on here? I gave it a big, a big, this certain hat came with a pen and a piece of paper. Look, I wore my audition cyberpunk top hat with the goggles. Okay, so, before I was going to,
Starting point is 00:26:00 am I gonna, I go, you know what, I don't give a fuck. I don't care, I'm wearing the hat. I wore the hat the audition, and this time I know I got it. I, when I left, you got it, and they were like, the director wanted to bring the hat. So it's in the episode. If you go to Robert Kelly, Lawn Order,
Starting point is 00:26:18 I've been on all, I've been on like five times. I have a hat. No, no, stop, we have a producer that will actually do that. All right, yeah, I agree. I mean, she'll do it in fucking eight minutes from now. But Lawnore Robert Kelly. Hat. I mean, I don't know what to tell you.
Starting point is 00:26:31 Just do image Google. Oh, my God. Was it, were you listening to credits? Robert Kelly, douchey guy with a hat? I was a douchey guy in here. Did you know you got it before you walked out of the room, though? No, I never know that. But I walked out literally 10, 15 minutes.
Starting point is 00:26:46 As I was Chelsea Pears' with the audition, I lived up on 47th Street. I was walking home and I got a call. You got the part, bring the hat. I was like, oh, crap. Next time I got a part because I picked my nose and rolled the booger and flipped it. I went into the audition and I'm sitting there like, oh my god, there's a booger, just unhinged.
Starting point is 00:27:04 Like it just unhinged from a hair. It got loose and it's in my nose. And we're like, she was, you ready? And I was like, dude, this is gonna fall out in the middle and it's fucking like right here. So I have the first line and I just went, yeah, I'm ready. And then I went, nice. And I waited for the click and I went, yeah, I'm ready. And then I went, nice. And I waited for the click and I went,
Starting point is 00:27:27 and then I delivered the first line. And I saw them like look at each other like, and I'm like, I hang on with you, fuck a joke. I know you got under the can, settle down. I know it. I mean, he literally just interrupts. Every time he's on the show Coming in a fan story cuz he looks so excited. It's coming
Starting point is 00:27:56 No, yeah, no, you've you've been very Ruined the story. I didn't ruin the story you ruined the story by bringing attention to me wanting to get my joke out If you just you this is what brought attention to you wanting to get I got I got what I got what I got look I'm doing this long enough that if I do the joke now it ain't gonna get shit It will will edit the fucking this part out. We'll go right to it. Can we set it up against? Yeah, say you did the first I I rolled the burger and I I wrote the book and I flipped it and he goes I Think it's time to steal Christmas from the hoos. I'll fuck you guys.
Starting point is 00:28:30 God do it. God do it. I knew it was gonna work. It has nothing to do. It has nothing to do with us waiting. And as you would have fucking screeched the story to a dead hall. You are the grace of comedy.
Starting point is 00:28:50 That's funny. You literally are. He's auditioning really grinch, and he's picking his notes. We got it. I think we got it. We're comedians. We know. We're gonna be from the...
Starting point is 00:28:58 We'll be from the... We'll be from the... We'll be from the... We'll be from the... We'll be from the... We'll be from the... We'll be from the... We'll be from the... We'll be from the... We'll be from the... We'll be from the... We'll be from the... We'll be from the... He's like no, no, I'll get him. They're gonna think it's funny at some point. Yeah, I'm explaining this Lindsay low-hand you really are a mean girl You did another one you punched up your own job. Why is this not working? Am I going crazy Nicole? Is this funny? No?
Starting point is 00:29:15 Comment she's behind the screen. She's just left the colics everything to well, don't say that she has a good sense of humor Yeah, I consider Mikey. She likes everything. She just eats it't say that she has a good sense of humor. Yeah, I consider my key she likes everything she's just eating out she is. Yeah. Sorry. What? Good thing you had your lawn order hat on. Did that? You just spit. Did you look at she doesn't find the fuck a photo. There's no pictures, but you are on the lawn order wiki. No, I there's if you go Robert Kelly lawn order Bobby, I feel like
Starting point is 00:29:50 I'm gonna go to Robert Kelly lawn order image Google. I feel like when you picked that booker you knew I feel like you knew you were gonna get it. I didn't know I was gonna get it I just knew that I had a booger and I'm going to make this yeah, but you flicked it and you were like I'm a genius Some part of you was like, I... You were getting, that's hilarious. Are Kelly just homes up. Just put Bobby Kelly for that. Because nobody picked it.
Starting point is 00:30:11 First of all, that's the worst photo ever taken to me. That's at Comic Con. See that one? Comic Con, Hall H. I was so excited to be that, and that's the photo that everybody sees. That's a great photo. What are you talking about? I have a couple of really good photos.
Starting point is 00:30:24 I've picked them before we came. Not as bad as you probably think it is sees. That's a great photo. What are you talking about? I have a couple of really good photos. I've picked them before we came. No, this bad as you probably think it is, but it's not great. Terrible. Young Bobby with facial hair, come on. Terrible. Look at that.
Starting point is 00:30:33 I've been Bobby Kelly. Yeah, we can't do that now because nobody can see those. It's like, it's like having a private conversation on the podcast. What episode was it? We're good photos. Can you look up the episode? Yeah, Bobby Kelly, Lawn Order.
Starting point is 00:30:44 Scroll down, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll. I love all the old photos of Bobby. Maybe she's right, maybe not up there. With the neck beard and the, in there, what was that, early odds? Early odds, let me see, scroll out, neck beard. Oh yeah, I used to have a goatee. Yeah, I used to be just a goatee.
Starting point is 00:31:00 Goatees were in at that time. I still like a hot goatee. No, yeah, no way. Why? I don't know. I feel like it really only works for, if you like, I don't know. It's like Louie and that's it.
Starting point is 00:31:14 Who else can rock a go T? Chris Rock. Well, black people are out of the, you think they can do anything. We can't do anything. Because of the man. LAUGHTER anything. We can't do anything. Because of the man. So how long I really wonder how long you've been work what is in your hand by the way. It's a vape.
Starting point is 00:31:31 Okay. What how long you've been with S&L. I got there in early March. First week of March. That's only three months. And is it is it is it tough right? It's really tough. Dude, I'm I've never been so tired in my whole fucking life Right. I'm so tired all the time. Yeah, and it's awful cuz it's like how I start I can hear myself say it when people like how you doing I'm like I'm just tired It's like my it's my response every time somebody asks how I'm doing and now you know we're off now for the summer So it'll be I'm like getting back to doing the road and stuff.
Starting point is 00:32:07 But for the first two segments, like you do like three weeks and then you get two weeks off and then three weeks. So those first two or three week chunks, I was like going out and doing stand up. And I'm, it was insane. It was insane to me. Because I was like, I don't want to just stay there and not do stand up.
Starting point is 00:32:27 Well, you have to work crazy hours. Dude, you work every day, every day. All day. Not all day. You get in, like, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are a bitch. Because Tuesdays, you go in at like one and you keep writing till like 5 a.m. Really?
Starting point is 00:32:44 And then I would go home every night because I didn't want to sleep on the couch. go in at like one and you keep writing till like 5 a.m. Really? And then I would go home every night because I didn't want to sleep on the couch. So I would go home at like 4.30 and then get up and I'd have to do rewrites at like 10. You have to get your sketches in by 10 a.m. So you get up after like getting two hours and then you just read it.
Starting point is 00:33:02 I want you to sleep on the couch tonight. I would like you to be in the office. It is, Dr. Yeah, no, but also that's Bane. Um, yeah, I was born at 30 Rock. You're doing Bane. He's actually doing Bane with like a sleep apnea disorder. Yeah. Yeah. I can't believe that me. I have a problem sleeping Batman. Anyways, you've got to keep the energy up, you know, because who gives a shit? It's good he's here. Who gives a shit about your friend getting SNL? What would you rather hear? The successful hot blonde or the miserable fat loser?
Starting point is 00:33:46 The successful hot blonde. Yeah. Both of them. What? Yeah, we're gonna get... I'm completely thrown off. I'm gonna get homities taking a real turn. Yeah, it's all about sneakers now.
Starting point is 00:33:57 Sneakers and hats. Yeah. What did you do? You made a PBJ last night? Late night? Late night? I went to Joe's. You're three o'clock fucking cello spot that you get once a month.
Starting point is 00:34:11 Thank you, SD, for everything you've given me. Who Affini gets nine a week. Yeah, well, that'll end for him soon. As soon as he calls her, hey, SD, should I be standing? Can I tell you, I saw the grossest moment. Oh, Michael, I don't care whether you're not your standing or see she Italian.
Starting point is 00:34:31 Stop it. Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't do that. Before you get fucking banned, you're right. You're right. You're right. Jesus. What did you say you saw the what?
Starting point is 00:34:38 What did I, I don't remember what I said. You saw the girl. Oh, it was, oh yeah. Fini was like, we were, we were sitting at the table with us. I think it was like Fini's first You saw the girl. Oh, it was, oh yeah, Fini was like, we were sitting at the table with S.D. I think it was like Fini's first week of the seller. And she was talking about the food or he goes, anyway, he just forced himself, just like fucking forced himself
Starting point is 00:34:55 into this conversation where he goes, he goes, well, you know, I haven't ordered everything off the menu, but there's nothing that I've ordered that I wouldn't order again. And I just went ill. And it was Keith and me were sitting. It's a political situation. I literally went, all right, relax. Just, I hope he's allergic to shrimp.
Starting point is 00:35:14 And she makes him cry shrimp. And it dies at the table. I hope he's allergic to shrimp and he eats shrimp at the table. I mean, that's mean. It was like, you're the same, like I was like, just, you're here. Yeah, but you did it. Being here, buddy. But being there as well, no, isn't enough.
Starting point is 00:35:32 Now I feel bad, we've been talking so much shit about Fini on this, I guess. Sometimes you're there and then you're not there. So he's worried. Tell me about it. We are, I'm looking at it. Sometimes you're there and then you're just, well you're back now, right?
Starting point is 00:35:44 But I'm back now, baby you're there and then you're just well you're back now right but I'm back now baby okay relax sorry trying to keep the energy up or no wait let's talk about your process more let's talk about the process of working on this and no more I can't take I can't take you listen your friend got this I know I'm so happy. No, you're not he's not miserable I'm miserable get a congrats from from friend. I did I just kidding. I congratulated her Yeah, don't lie, but he was gonna freak out. Oh, he has a voodoo doll of all of us If I said you didn't say congratulations, you were gonna be like I fucking did I did do that I did freak out what you said you didn't say congratulations you were gonna be like I fucking did I did do that I did freak out when you said I didn't say it
Starting point is 00:36:27 No, I did say congratulations, and I will say it again right now. Congratulations. Don't stop it Congrats. You deserve look look at me. Oh, you're the best. Okay, you deserve it. I like it. Thanks nice That's also very sincere. No, I am happy. I'm happy for many people. You really do. You really try to do a little chubby Japanese monster. You're my daddy. Oh, my daddy.
Starting point is 00:36:58 Don Maori, got the hook. Woo. Brennan gets him to the Kua'e. I'm very excited when I heard it. I was sad that you didn't tell me, but I understand why you busy. But I was also what am I gonna do like text you and be like Bobby? Guess what? No, it's so much cooler for everybody else to find out. That's not the way I know you're right. You're right. It's cool. I'm a little I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm. If I just text you and I go, guess what? I got it. You don't tell anybody the things that are good. I mean, you tell like one person.
Starting point is 00:37:51 I also found out, Bobby, I found out the week, like the week before I walked in. Did you just do magic on your own? No. What was that move? Bobby, I actually found out. I got it. I thought I felt my own hair on my arm.
Starting point is 00:38:04 OK. I'm like that one. It goes actually, Bobby, I just found out that. I felt my own hair on my arm. Oh, okay. Fuck that was. She goes, actually, Bobby, I just found out that... You're gay. That you actually have a quarter in your hair. You're just get that quarter from. You know. Somebody fell for it as a stable.
Starting point is 00:38:19 I did. Sometimes life isn't quite what you think. I hate this. I hate this. I hate it, but I like it. Because he's like a Japanese monster. I just want to have one. I just feel like I'm dealing with someone who has multiple personalities. So early, I was literally dead asleep walking in here.
Starting point is 00:38:39 Every time I look at him, he looks like a different meme. Well, you have to be careful with Brendan You have to be careful with him. You don't know this you think he's adorable right now just sitting there doing magic Yeah, but he snaps he turns on a fucking dime. Yeah, I've seen him snap. I mean literally We're in a field doing comedy. You'll say something mean to him and then he'll remember something as therapists said Yeah, and he'll and he'll go hey That's not okay to make fun of that. You're like, Jesus Christ. He was on stage and he said something
Starting point is 00:39:10 and I made a comment just joking and he turned to me in front of a whole audience and was like, yes, that's the fucking way you do it! And I was like, look, well dude. I think there is a thing that I have called a tone issue. Um, where, uh, it's not tone. No, you, I am tone issue.
Starting point is 00:39:29 I sound like I'm fucking angry and I'm not. What's up fucking, what's up, asshole? And I'm like, you have rage. Yeah. I'm actually now thinking back to the last chip episode that we did. Brendan was on it and we had this. I was getting so mad at you.
Starting point is 00:39:42 I could tell you I met at the end. So we had this relationship expert on. It was this random chick that we had this. I was getting so mad at you. I could tell you I met at the end. So we had this relationship expert on it was this random chick that we got in. We didn't tell her who Chip was and what the character was because kind of thought it'd be funny to blind cider. It's always funny to see how people react because you walk in and you're like holy shit. And we also had Jeremiah walkins on at Shanks. So it was a lot of characters. Who's Shanks? It's a slight imp eminent gay inmate that just... I don't think he's gay.
Starting point is 00:40:07 I think he's... He's definitely bisexual. He was trying to get Brandon's booty hole. He was after Brandon's bubble. He's just like a prisoner character. Okay. Shanks. He's a skate from prison.
Starting point is 00:40:15 He's wearing a... Yeah, exactly. There you go. There it is. And Orange jumpsuit, he had a duet reg on. And he's like, What's up, man? You know, scary.
Starting point is 00:40:23 So Shanks, And we had this relationship expert, lady. And she started immediately starts launching into vagina. One second, how fast did she pull that up? She can't pull me up on a shank. She gets up. I don't even know that you've ever been on law and order. I can't tell. I'm going to find those episodes. Um, you know, and she comes in and she immediately starts talking about vagina healing. And I was like, hold on, this is, she's an actual psych, like a clinical psychologist. And she's talking about healing, total nutmeg. Start talking about healing her vagina energy of like all the different dudes.
Starting point is 00:40:57 With what? Like cereal? No, no. With what? Like a yoni egg? Like, yep, yep, yep. With the yoni egg You're the yummy egg. You're the yummy egg. I'm the yummy egg. Well, she came in and she was like,
Starting point is 00:41:09 I heal with my vagina and I went, I think my face needs some healing and she was like, what? Oh, son. I'm bald. My balls have dandruff. And I stick my balls and you look on. She's not like bread in.
Starting point is 00:41:23 No, I shouldn't have that. She wore her own energy. What if she ate, what if, what if what if her vagina did a yield and it especially healed you a fucking was Sarai. Oh my god. Just sticking hands in and they come out
Starting point is 00:41:33 and they're beautiful. Yeah, I would stick my tongue in. Would you check me a mat if it healed your head? Why would you have a head to tongue in? To liquor pussy. Why would you do that?
Starting point is 00:41:42 What's talking about healing? Healing my, my, my, your bad jokes, my bad jokes. Yeah, I might lick her pussy and then my tongue will be able to make good jokes. Yeah. Okay. All right, we got there. Yeah, we got there. It was a joint effort. It was a long haul. It was a long walk. It was. My legs are tired. I wish it was a gypsy here right now and she could go, me funnyer. Boy do I wish that was a gypsy here right now and she could go me funny here. Boy do I wish that as well.
Starting point is 00:42:07 No, I have, you know, I have anger but I'm embracing. What happened? What made you angry? So she didn't like Brendan and she didn't like, I can't imagine why. I know, who does? She didn't like his energy and so at the end of the, at the end of the, she said I don't like his energy. She liked Chip.
Starting point is 00:42:23 Yes. She liked Chip and this other guy. And Shanks. Yes two characters, but she didn't like a human real human. She didn't like her real human. She didn't like her real human. So when the podcast was over, Brendan goes, at the end, I'm like, wow, she actually handled that better than I was expecting, because you never know what you're going to get when someone doesn't know who Chip is. They could walk out, it could be a thing. I was like, you know what, she handled that really well. Brennan just goes, Yeah, she fucking stunk. Yeah, fucking stunk. What are you gonna do?
Starting point is 00:42:48 Brennan was so much of my of my life was holding in the anger and like and like, you know, yeah, I mean who gives a shit, right? I don't know. I thought you woke up in the morning. She's the bus. So you can be all positive at chase. No, I mean sometimes you're angry, sometimes you're happy, sometimes you're, you're sad, you know this. I waited. I don't know. Render wakes up, he checks his feelings chart. What am I feeling today?
Starting point is 00:43:12 He's like, he's got five moves. Red, bad face. No, I know, I don't like to hear you sucking me into your fucking aura. You get it, man. You talk to Alan. I ain't man. Alan.
Starting point is 00:43:24 Alan. Alan. I'm not kidding. I was. Alan. My anger was first of all, my anger comes from anxiety. Yeah, me too. Which I, you know, for years, like guys like Rana and Joe Liss, who have anxiety issues, you know, they really do. They put that in quotes, anxiety issues. Well, they get very fucking excited.
Starting point is 00:43:42 They get nervous and they get fucked up. Yeah. And I was just the fucking rage, but I figured out, and I was actually telling Rana, Well, they get very fucking excited. They get nervous and they get fucked up. And I was just a fucking rage, but I figured out, I was actually telling Ron on this, on the bus, we're on tour at Louis, and he's explaining his anxiety. I have anxiety too, and he's like, really? I wouldn't see that. I go, no, I just express my anxiety, and I was explaining that,
Starting point is 00:44:02 and as soon as Louis came on the bus, right, when I was opening up to him And he was like Louis I talked about that that movie that we were talking and he just went into a movie conversation Oh I use my shit and I went I went listen I I'm gonna explain something right now my anxiety comes out and rage and anger Like you just did that fucking horses, right? That when I was opening up to you and you did some fucking showbiz climbing shit.
Starting point is 00:44:28 Now I want to beat the fuck out of you and I want to strangle you. Grab your fucking neck and punch your face. That's how my anxiety come back. I was so angry. I wish that my anxiety came out. No you don't. I do. I rather.
Starting point is 00:44:44 I think a tiny woman. No way better. Coward me. Listen. Yeah, do you get you get angering? Yes. Yes. It's not a good thing. Oh, okay. Not a good thing. Okay. People first of all people, I'm scared of Rosebud. When I get it's mind-spring anxiety related. It's a whenever something that makes me sad. If I start to feel sad, then I go like, ugh, I'm starting to fucking. Yeah. Like if something makes me upset, I get,
Starting point is 00:45:10 I would rather lash out and freak out than be like a sad crying woman. I would rather have sad crying man or nervous man because people feel bad for those people. Look, he was, I'm sorry. They get all fucked up. Do they, when you're like almost in fetal position on the, on the ground, having a panic attack?
Starting point is 00:45:33 It's the fucking worst. Let me tell you. Nobody knows how to handle it. That's because, oh, I'm sorry, you're opening up right now. Yeah. I didn't know she was. Hey, check him out.
Starting point is 00:45:40 Check him out. Check him out. Check him out. That movie that we watched was so good. I didn't think she was just real, as she's talking about us. No, like I have a war, like it's so bad where I've been, it's embarrassing, like where I'm literally, like I can't breathe
Starting point is 00:45:53 and I'm just like hyperventilating on the floor in fetal position because that's the only way that like feels kind of good. So I'm down on the floor like this and people in the fucking DMV are looking at me. You're in the fucking DMV, M-V-Bob in the fucking, in the MV Bobby, it's so terrible. Yeah, I'm not a pussy, I don't do that shit. No, but I, I hold, I get, I get very mad at my eyes. It's the other way, I think that in the DMV, I will fucking snap at somebody and I look that,
Starting point is 00:46:18 that sucks too, I'm not saying that doesn't suck, but if I saw a girl or a man fucked up in fetal position, I would have compassion for that. If I saw a fucking asshole like me, oh, this fucking Lachie asshole screaming at the DMA, I'm like, what an asshole. You know what I mean? There is a visual optics are different.
Starting point is 00:46:39 I see what you're saying. And especially today, nobody wants, back in the 80s and 90s, whatever, an aughts, you know, fuck, oh fuck yourself. That was kind of like cool. Yeah. Going fuck you now is not cool. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:55 Being, being a nerd is cooler now. Yeah. It is. It's cooler now than being that guy. That guy has been flushed down the toilet. It's not even like being a nerd, it's just like being a well-adjusted person. But they're not well-adjusted.
Starting point is 00:47:11 They're a lot of the, but being like vulnerable, crazy. Right. Oh, that anxiety. Like people call me like, I'll stick out, like someone will say something to me, very mean. And I'll say something back.
Starting point is 00:47:24 And people throw the word bully around a lot. Oh yeah. Which I don't like, and it's usually these guys, like, you know, who have no idea what a fucking bully is. I've been bullied. I've been grabbed by the neck and have my fucking money taken from me. And, you know, every day going, like,
Starting point is 00:47:41 I used to have to hide in sixth grade under the stairs after school. So we get dismissed and I would have to go hide under the stairs and then go into the bathroom and look out the window and nine times out of 10, I would see in the bushes around maybe three to eight kids waiting to beat the shit out of me. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:48:01 I thought you were gonna be like, there's a pedophile. I wish. I wish I could have just one guy and went home. Yeah. Just sucked off the fucking- Where's my chemistry teacher just waiting for his blowjob? Just sucked the gender off, got a lollipop of a pad on the back of the head. See you Tuesday, Kelly.
Starting point is 00:48:17 I would have went home and had lunch. I was petrified. Yeah. I mean so many times in my life have I and it sucked when I when I moved to my family moved to Pennsylvania, Ben Salon, Pennsylvania and it was one of those communities, it was all farmland and then they put those communities down. Everybody has the same house. It's only five room houses. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can pick options. Like the McMansion. Yeah, yeah, kind of, but like small. So we lived in townhouses, they were in town, so you were connected to another house.
Starting point is 00:48:46 Yeah. And I remember like the first week there, I met this kid came down to the park and he was fucking around, and we got to know if I broke his arm. Oh, shit. But I didn't mean to, but we were fucking around or something. And he got hurt, and it sucked, because I didn't mean to. We were literally wrestling or fighting and
Starting point is 00:49:07 He got hurt his brothers were wrestling and football team Within within there's that fuck is coming back up There's a janitor's bunk Sorry science teacher's nervous. It comes up when I talk about it. And then I broke someone's... And then my stepdad hit me up. Sorry, I'm just reliving.
Starting point is 00:49:35 I broke both my arms at the same time. Yeah, well holding up Andy's cock. Yeah, heavy. Just a little. Yeah, I switched back to white guys because his cock was so heavy, I broke both my arms staring at him. You were just sick of heavy neck. Sorry, so do you broke his arm.
Starting point is 00:50:06 Oh no, I broke his whole family came after me. For months. Like I'd be playing in my little cul-de-sac. His mom? And you know what? His mom came after you? No, his brothers. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:50:18 And they were all in the wrestling football teams. I mean, these big kids. He said, look family. They look like the Von Erics. Remember the Von Erics? It was so, I'd be playing with other kids, and other sudden, hey, yo, they're coming, and I would have to run home.
Starting point is 00:50:30 Oh my God. Because they were all just coming to get me. They would try, they couldn't find me. Because look, I was from Boston. I got beat up a lot by then. So I knew how to get the fuck out of there. I went, I actually, my first time, my parents went back to Boston, I ran away,
Starting point is 00:50:44 wound up being homeless, getting arrested, going back to jail, going to a foster home, going back to Pennsylvania, like a year later, I'm mowing a lawn across the street for the neighbor trying to keep my shit together, all of a sudden they showed up. Like the first week I was back, they found out I was back in town, like 10 of them showed up. Oh my God. And I'm like, oh, you gotta be kidding me. I left a year ago, get away from this.
Starting point is 00:51:12 I was in so much fear and they came in and they held me and they punched me in the stomach and I went down and they're like, yeah, fuck you. And they left and I was like, didn't even hurt. Yeah. I went back to jail. I left because of you fucking whips. Is that the difference between like fucking kids
Starting point is 00:51:29 in the suburbs versus kids in the city? Is it really a different sort of love? I mean, no, just kid had a really weak punch. Those versus 20 kids. Yeah, if we wrestled, probably to snap my neck, but he doesn't know to throw a punch, just pussy, a year, that's all it was. Like I got to be over a mile-rounded fighter.
Starting point is 00:51:44 I'm sure that the oomph was out of it though. Like, yeah, of course. Of course. They still didn't have the rage they had that way. Probably we're like, no wonder it was so fucking easy to break this kid's arm. Yeah, we are a family of people with bad arms, by the way. It was, it was a...
Starting point is 00:51:58 It was a... But here's the thing with life, and I don't know if you guys know this. Here we go. I think I was from Bob. Can we cue the music? This is the thing with life, and I don't know if you guys know this. Here we go. I can't find some box. Can we cue the music? This is the thing with life. Can we cue a little bit of like... I think I've already talked about this.
Starting point is 00:52:12 I think it stopped me if I have. But when I was young, I lived in Medford, and I never ice-skated. Everybody, Boston's a big hockey town. And I never went ice skating because this kid Bobby Kelly was, my memory is red head. That's why I don't like you people. Yeah. Because they're always evil.
Starting point is 00:52:34 Hey, what do you mean you people? Ha ha ha. Wait, is this, there's a kid Bobby Kelly? Bobby Kelly, your name. In the same town. Yeah. Red head. And he beat the shit out of me at the hockey.
Starting point is 00:52:45 Your name, I kept saying that's my name. I don't remember it. Fucking weird. The way I remember it is, I'm Bobby Kelly. Wait, you got my name, man. I don't know why you, he's like, I'm Bobby Kelly. You're not Bobby Kelly. Beat the shit out of me in front of the hockey rink.
Starting point is 00:53:02 I never went back. Jesus Christ. And back then I was with that stepfather that was fucking evil. My mom, I had nobody to go to. I had nobody to protect me. It was, you know, so I just couldn't go back there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:14 And for years, I remember it like it happened yesterday. So I'm at Dom's, Dom's sausages. You guys know the steak, tips stuff. I go back to Boston. I go to this big grand opening. I'm there. This guy walks up. He goes, hey buddy, how you doing? I'm sausage as you guys know the steak tip stuff. I go back to Boston, I go to this big grand opening. I'm there, this guy walks up. He goes, hey buddy, how you doing? I'm Bobby Kelly, it's him.
Starting point is 00:53:30 Whoa, we're both in our 50s now. Were you like, I'm Brendan Sagalo. No, that's a cool name. Wait, wait. I almost thought you were mine, which I said, I'd have to fight you. Jesus Christ. He has to get it. He's getting to the moment.
Starting point is 00:53:49 I know. He doesn't understand stories. I'm sorry. He's not listening. His podcast is ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. This podcast is a conversational podcast with jokes. Yeah. His podcast is, fuck, his is, bing, bing.
Starting point is 00:54:02 Sorry. I didn't know we were on WTF right now am I right folks you mean one of the most pop you stick around we got a vent sevenfold here I'm just saying this is you know why I'm not popular because of fucking assholes like you because I always have just got Bing Bang, Bing Boom. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Fuck you, she's right. Woo, woo, woo, woo. Well, I'm gonna get a job on Med TV. Then we'll see who's right.
Starting point is 00:54:34 Okay. I wish I had the bomb bandana. So that is. Thanks, Joe. Thanks to Paul for keeping the old fucking show going. What? You're not entertaining toddlers at a birthday party. Give me the fucking.
Starting point is 00:54:46 So, anyways. He comes up, he's 50 years old. He comes up, he's like, I'm Bobby Kelly. And I'm like, dude, I don't ice skate cuz of you. I'm like, what? I'm like, I'm gonna bin somebody. I'm gonna be on the bruh. I don't ice skate because of you.
Starting point is 00:55:08 And I've never, he's like, what are you talking about? I go, dude, we're really young. You, we're at the ice skating rink and Wellington Circle, and you beat me up one day because I had your name and you scared the shit out of me. So I never went back and I've never ice skated since because I was afraid that you were gonna show up. Right? Did you then ask him to go to couples therapy with you?
Starting point is 00:55:27 You kept me from dancing. This is what he said though. He goes, Bobby. Now, he goes, I was at a part you, and I can't deny this because there's always two sides, right? You were wearing this stupid fucking hat and picking bookers. We're gonna put me with the hat right there if the Colk had ever fired us.
Starting point is 00:55:52 He goes, Bobby, I was at a party the week before and I got jumped by a gang of kids because they were like, Bobby Kelly's here and he's over there and they came over and fucking fuck it with me because you fucked with some guy's sister. me Because you fuck with some guy's sister You were fucking around with some guy's sister and did some weird shit And they will look a few and they beat the shit out of me because when I saw you oh my you cock suck
Starting point is 00:56:15 So what he was saying is like dude, I'm Bobby cuz you I got my ass kid cuz you people are fuck it with me cuz you Is that why he took a beating for you? He didn't take a beating, then passed it on. He was actually pretty tough guy. I'm not saying that. He was able to beat the shit out of him. Yeah. You know what I mean, but him and his friend,
Starting point is 00:56:32 he had a lot of friends there too. Back when, I remember going to Boston. So does a part of your mind go, oh, okay, well, at least I got like what I, what I asked for. No, I just understand now that I should,
Starting point is 00:56:42 I should have took the beating and went back and learned how to skate. Yeah. Fuck it pussy. Life isn't that scary. Like yeah, you fucked around with some girl and their brothers wanted to fucking kill you. Right.
Starting point is 00:56:56 And they beat him up, so then he came and beat you up. You go to the ice skating rink once, you're like, I get beaten up there. I just, I can't ever go back. No, never went back. Because every time I skate, I get my ass. And I can't ever go back. No never went back every time I skate I get my I hated redheads my whole life. I look at him and I go Fucking hate
Starting point is 00:57:12 He's not even really a red head. He's a red head Look at his Look at his little freckle I'm gonna call me a redhead for years and I just kind of like let him say Look at his for us. Look at four arms. I think what is that? He sees freckles and he goes, yeah, freckles scare me. And he goes, that's my fucking enemy.
Starting point is 00:57:29 Yeah, freckles scare me. I hate freckles. Have you seen a winning time? I mean, but wife on winning time, she's covered in him. I don't like, I like them now. I'm okay with them now, that me and Bobby worked it out.
Starting point is 00:57:42 Yeah. It was so weird though, because he told me that story and it out. Yeah. It was so weird though, because we, we, he told me that story and it was like, oh, his son was there. I think he must have told the son the story, because I was like, this is my son. He's like, yeah, what's up? Bobby, he wanted to fight me.
Starting point is 00:57:53 So it's Bobby, you haven't ice skated in 50. I should go back to Medford and do a vlog with me. And him teaching me how to ice skate. Yeah, he should. You get on the, you get on the rink and he's like, all right, this is how you skate. You're like, no, I wanted to learn how to do the spins. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:12 He dribbles out. He beats me up again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're watching. Just meds it. Yeah. But when I was kid, Bobby spinning on the ice, he's just like,
Starting point is 00:58:22 he's gotten over his giant bullet I've been a little bit more Black soul seats the shit out of you and then like is holding the ice skates your throne goes I'm the only Bob That's how every sketch that Brennan writes ends yeah with that with the Srabbing that's dabbing gun cuz he has fucking he has dusty nuts That's why well they, they're not dusty.
Starting point is 00:58:45 That's why I'm constantly angry. He's got cream for them. I have cream for them. Ha ha ha. Sarave. He did, it's it. Yeah, Sarave. That's over the counter.
Starting point is 00:58:53 That's not real shit. Well, you can't, you gotta see the germ. Yeah, like a steroid thing? No, no, I did. I did, and I have, yeah, I have a steroid. But I can't put it in. She a hot dermatologist and you're like, yeah, it's just my hands.
Starting point is 00:59:04 That is exactly what happened. I went into this dermatology office on 83rd Street and I was gonna tell her about my itchy balls, but she was so fucking hot. She walked in and you were like, and you know, she would like probably tell me to take my balls out. And it's not sexual and my penis would be like
Starting point is 00:59:24 inside of a turtle shell. It wouldn't look good, so. I just didn't. I don't think so. I worked at a summer camp as a lifeguard once, and I got baby bags. You're so big. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:59:48 You're Reno big. Thank you. Dodgeball everybody. Brad. Brad. Brad. That's in your head. Is that how comedy works?
Starting point is 00:59:57 That's the ultimate. Dodgeball everybody. Zybs abs. I had to go to the nurse and she was smoking hot. And this was weird. She, I don't think she was supposed to do this. And I was all right too. I was pretty good looking at that time.
Starting point is 01:00:12 She was young. I think I was 19. Hot Bobby. Hot Bobby. Lifeguard Bobby. Yeah. Smoking hot Bobby. And I took, she goes, she took my pants down.
Starting point is 01:00:22 My lifeguard shorts and she was on her knees. Oh my God. No, she didn't blow me, but my dick was bouncing and she was like grabbing my balls and she grabbed like my penis. Bobby, I hate it. I don't want to be the person to tell you this on a podcast, but I think you were molested. I'm a lot. I know.
Starting point is 01:00:42 Let me get in high right now. I'm pretty too. I'm pretty too. I'm pretty. Even if you're getting hard thing, I was definitely molested. She was only five years old. No, that's you were in Glow. I think she wanted to fuck around and I didn't make the move.
Starting point is 01:00:52 Oh, that sucks. I think like that. I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to get... It's you. Yeah, you're putting your hand right in there. When I say I have baby rash on the side of my balls, you're not supposed to grab my cock and hold it up. And then I mean literally inches away from,
Starting point is 01:01:08 and she was like holding my balls, and I was just, I was just, my thing was just doing this the whole time. I was, you're like, can you check to see if it tastes like a rash? I think it was like a car being pumped jacked up. It was just, I had a situation like that where I was at a party in Brooklyn and I walked into the bathroom
Starting point is 01:01:28 and this woman came in like my age, you know, and she came in with me and I didn't know her at all and I went, I went, what are you doing? I'm in the bathroom and she's like, you're such an over actor. I didn't know her at all. And I didn't know what I was like, what are you doing? I'm Captain Kirk.
Starting point is 01:01:43 What are you doing? I don't know, dodgeball. And I didn't know what I was like doing. I'm Captain Kirk. What are you doing? I don't know. Dodge ball. And I said, it was his cape back. You got it. It's like Dr. Strange. Yeah, I'm like, you hear it.
Starting point is 01:01:54 If I tell mine, is it going to get weird? No. Okay. I was Dr. Let him finish. Oh, sorry. I didn't realize. You had a job.
Starting point is 01:02:03 Who is just not a funny bug? I figured he was done There's gonna be a plenty more act outs, okay? So I was walking in the bathroom and I open the door Fucking giant baby Anyway, she came in and I go I'm in the bathroom when you're doing and she goes she goes just go just go You can go and then it clicked and I went okay. All right. She wants the fuck right and So like it so we clicked she wanted a fuck right we got it Please hurry up. I'm dying to know. Oh God and
Starting point is 01:02:40 Luigi I The exima it causes it's stressed form. Um, so I pull my dick out. Yes. And I, and I am in it, the toilet. She goes, boo. And she goes, oh, I didn't realize. She goes, what, why is it so red?
Starting point is 01:02:56 Uh, and I, I couldn't be. I, I just put my dick out and I couldn't be because, uh, there's strangers here. And I go, you gotta go. And I, I, I start kind kind of like I'm not touching her But I'm like I'm like go into the door and I go to and she stands in front of the door Yeah, and goes no no way way way way and then she introduces herself and I I forgot what her name was like Let's just say Sarah she goes wrong thing to do she goes wait. I'm I'm Sarah. She sounded really really drunk Maybe she had fucking I just went to the dentist. Well
Starting point is 01:03:26 Here you go. Maybe she's Matthew Perry and the friends were union. So she goes, she goes. A stupid reference. He wasn't. Come on, you guys watch. I like it. I like to watch. Come on.
Starting point is 01:03:35 It's just a friends reunion. It's a specific, I did. You're right, okay. Anyway, so it was a lot like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh And I was like, I'm not just Judy Gold. Get fuck me! Fuck me! Um, it's a spot on. Oh, makes no fuck me! And then I open the door, I tell her to leave.
Starting point is 01:04:16 She tells the whole line, she goes, this is what she says, she goes, this guy's a faggot, and everybody laughs, and I go and I pee. Then my friend left her wallet there. And so we go back the next day and that girl lived in that apartment. And I see her at noon and she's like, she doesn't remember me at all, but she's talking to someone,
Starting point is 01:04:34 she's like, sounding like she sounded and I went, oh, she's French. She wasn't really that drunk. She was just French and to this day. God, I thought you were gonna say, she's like special needs. Oh, God, I don't know what to put in.
Starting point is 01:04:46 You know. What? I got a special need right here. Jesus Christ. In my hands. Is this the end of the story? That was the end of the story, yeah. Yeah, I'm glad you had a hand gesture.
Starting point is 01:04:58 You see why I have to do actouts, right? Yeah, yeah. You see why I have to do places. So she just wanted to have sex with you. She just wanted to have sex. And you thought she was drunk. I thought she was too drunk. And you don't understand that. But she was French. She was like, we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we It's these what the these be arguing anyway, so I went to the doctor Watch this how you tell us door it without right without you all right now. It's ruined. Yes now I'm now I'm dead before I even started. Yeah, you're not tell this amazing story Rose, but
Starting point is 01:05:37 Okay, this was just I had a doctor for a while that I went to and and I didn't think, I thought that when you go and they check your heart or whatever, that they like, lift up your shirt and take your bra off, and that they put their like, stethoscope, they lift your titty up and put their stethoscope under your t- for the longest. Wow! And I was like, you know, and I was like,
Starting point is 01:06:00 I thought a guy would take his penis out and lay it on my heart. And then hold it, hold it, hold it. And and lay it on my heart. And then hold it. Hold it down. When they take your temperature, when they take your temperature, he puts his dick in your mouth. You suck on it, you suck on it. You suck on it. And then he lifts your titties up and he f**k it.
Starting point is 01:06:15 What the hell? So I'm explaining this to my friends like years later. And I was like, oh, you know how like they take your shirt off and you take your bra off. And then they put, they lift up your tits and they check underneath for your heart rate. And all of my friends, like four of my girlfriends were like, what?
Starting point is 01:06:32 Your heart's in the middle. And I went, what are you talking about? And I go, you know, because that's what your doctor done. You know, like explaining it. Like this is just how it happens. And they go, no, no, not at all. And I was like, so I was just, like this is just how it happens. And they go, no, no, not at all. And I was like, so I was just, and this was after my doctor had had a stroke and like left.
Starting point is 01:06:50 So I was like, oh, I just like was, oh, just go to the doctor's office and get, held up every time, like, and like, this guy's the pro. I'm not gonna get away. He's the pro fucking, the lesser. Yeah. She's not gonna know any better.
Starting point is 01:07:04 Great. How old were you and he was like, she's not gonna know any better. Great. How old were you? I was like 24? 24? 24? 24. 23. 23.
Starting point is 01:07:13 24? Damn. You know what I was gonna say? I've been going to like, when I was 16 to like 18, I had this really hot gynecologist and I'm pretty sure that's why I love breast exams. So this day, I love breast exams. Why? Because they feel, I think because he was just hot and I lucked when he touched my boobs.
Starting point is 01:07:27 Yeah, it feels nice. Yeah, they got kind of slightly cold hands. They've got cool hands. They massage just a little bit and they're like, Girls have to, it's great. Correct me if I'm wrong. You have to have More control than a guy because if I had a girl doctor I mean I did have it but if girl doctors would just grab in my cock and like you know doing weird shit with it I would let them and be you guys have of course you guys it feels good too to be touched by a hot doctor of course but you have to control yourself yeah yeah no I think they well I don't like I lift both legs and I Lock them in like a crab well you're down there There yeah, I'm married pussy
Starting point is 01:08:18 You married this now Oh my god, all right. Well listen. That's the show. Oh, I could do this for hours. We're gonna do a little more. You have questions? What? I didn't know that I was just laughing. No, you could do this. No, did you see the Batman? That was my Paul Dano impression.
Starting point is 01:08:40 No! Did you see the Batman? I did see the Batman. Why are you talking like fucking Captain Trump? Because I'm an actor. I'm a thessbian. He was doing this at the SNL party the other night he was walking around doing
Starting point is 01:08:52 Deneiro online. No, no. He's just doing that face all night. At the SNL party? Yes, in hopes that I would get a job. That's not how it works. What do you think it's the 20s? Ah, I like that kid over on the corner.
Starting point is 01:09:04 Yeah. No, when I get nervous, I overact, I think. Are you nervous this whole episode? Yes. That's almost all you. I mean, I would be cringing if I saw my friend doing denier on pressions at the SNL press. It was really great. I wasn't walking up John Hayden.
Starting point is 01:09:25 Because Brendan is just there being Brendan. And everyone else is there doing their work thing. It was really nice to have Brendan there. Because I would walk up to like, I worked there and I go up to the security guys and I go, these are my friends who are gonna go up to the office and they go, no. They like took a look at my friends and they went,
Starting point is 01:09:47 I was a slow-out. Oh no shit. Yeah, so I got you out of work. Now, but everybody there is going, oh my god, I love your work and I'm going, I'm like, is this good? Is this good face? It's a little breath of fresh air.
Starting point is 01:09:58 It is, it's nice. It's not even a good, a denierer. No, it's bad, it's really bad. You don't think this is good? No, you're not a face. It looks a little like chip. Yeah, you look a little like a fresh air. It's just a face at denier. No, it's bad. It's really bad. You don't think this is good? No, you don't. It looks a little like chip. Yeah, you look a little like a chip. It's not even a full impression.
Starting point is 01:10:08 It's just a face that you do. You used a fat red head who got stung by a B. It can't be. We're not all Bobby Kelly from the other Bobby Kelly. What? All right, so listen, we're going to go to overtimepatriot.com.stash. Robert Kelly, if you want to join us,
Starting point is 01:10:24 I'm going to be asking these lovely people some questions. Maybe we could get some questions for Zia Nicole Seeing that you got added Early late to the game, but I'm glad you came in. They're all I'm glad it what did you what do you get to promote anyways? I've got my podcast is called Unqualified Experts. I do it with Nick It's on YouTube basically we give advice to the internet. And there are people asking some wild shit. The last one that absolutely fucking floored me was this 32 year old mom wrote to Reddit and was like,
Starting point is 01:10:52 I don't know what to do. I came home early one day and I found my daughter having sex with our, my 12 year old daughter having sex with our dog, our family dog. And she's like, I don't know what to do. What size dog? I don't know. I don't know. I think it was like a meaty, I think it dog, our family dog. And she's like, I don't know what to do. What size dog? I don't know. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:11:07 I think it was like a medium, I think it was a medium size dog. And I guess the dog got, she was crying because the dog got stuck inside. Inside. Inside. And this one, it was like, I don't know what to do. I need to turn to the internet. My advice was pretty much, you're 32, you're young, you can start over. Here's the killable.
Starting point is 01:11:23 I'm going to give you advice. Kill the dog. Kill them both. No, not the both. Kill the dog. I'm gonna give you advice. Kill the dog. Kill them both. No, not the both. Kill the dog. I don't know, man. That kid. And the daughter away.
Starting point is 01:11:29 The daughter was like, I want to do this. Go to Belize. But it's also a lot of other random stuff. So on qualified experts, it's as a center of a rumba. There's got a lot of stray dogs on the beach. She'll have a great time. All right, what do you got there? Should I get you?
Starting point is 01:11:42 Instagram and Twitter at Bren in Sagalow. Twitch, I play a lot of video games horror games Instagram and Twitter at Bren and Sagalow Twitch. I play a lot of video games horror games and stuff. Twitch. What is this? Twitch. You get paid to Twitch? Yeah, sometimes people subscribe.
Starting point is 01:11:52 Well, the amount of subscribers you have. You have a big following on Twitch. I have a, okay, following on Twitch. Will you teach me how to Twitch? Yes, Bobby, if you ever want to come over, I do a snack stream. And it's my favorite stream of all time. It's basically where I sit and try different foods I've never had before. I'm not doing food. I'm quitting snack stream and it's my favorite stream of all time. It's basically where I sit and try different foods I've never had before.
Starting point is 01:12:06 I'm not doing food. I'm quitting. It's one day a week. It can be your cheat day. I'm no more cheat days for me. I'm gonna lose a lot of weight this summer. Me too. I don't believe in you, Bobby.
Starting point is 01:12:16 I also wanna lose weight. I just steal your thing. I'm also gonna, hey, you know what, guys? Hey, you know what, guys? What else do you got? I do a workout for you. But yeah, no, no you can also you can go on twitching just like you don't have to play video games you can just chat do you want to take over yk wd
Starting point is 01:12:32 sure when when and i think i'm sure i'm not going to be around in august sure i'll i'll take it over you can be a little guest you can be able to control yourself though because if rose buds on and feena they'll just walk over you. Are you gonna be sick? They're not gonna do shit.
Starting point is 01:12:47 What? You're not gonna do shit. Show me right now. Don't you walk over me. Not that. So, that's. Have a gear. Okay.
Starting point is 01:12:54 What do you want? We want me to host the show right now. Hey, what's up, everybody? Welcome to You Know What, dude, with Robert Kelly. This is your host, Brendan Sagalo, for the summer, while Bobby loses weight and shares some time with his family. We have a great show with you tonight. We got Shubiti-Dew and Scooby-D Bob.
Starting point is 01:13:11 And we're gonna be blue, blue, blue. It's fucking easy. Okay, well there you go. He nailed it. He did do good, but that's just the opening. Once Cannon starts smashing him, and he gets, he gets, he gets angry gets angry too quick He's gonna fuck you can rip the mic out and hit somebody It's gonna be like the old Bobby Kelly. Yeah, it would bring in life to it. Yeah Yeah, so follow me on twitch and also go to Brendan Sagalow dot com for all my road dates and
Starting point is 01:13:38 Listen to here's the scenario. Yes. Listen to his scenario great. Yes, and you what do you got? I I'm going to be in Vancouver Yes, listen to his scenario, great show. You're a podcast. And you, what do you got? I got a lady. I'm going to be in Vancouver from the 20 fucking shit, sorry, hang on a second, 27 through the fuck. What is, sorry, I don't know. What is it for? For JFL, Vancouver. Ooh, I love that.
Starting point is 01:14:02 I'll be there from the 27 through the 29th, and then I'll be of May. 27 through the 29th of May. Of May. Oh, you know, that's that's now. Yeah. Oh, that's great. I have to do a lot of paperwork. I guess to go to Canada. But and then I'll be at the Tempe improv from the second through the 5th of June. Great club. I'll be out there with Blair Socky. Great. Yeah. I check her out and she's also on SNL. Congratulations. I'm not on SNL. I'm writing you will be soon. I don't know about that Shut up. You have no fucking 21 cast members. Yep, and you're like cast a Hamilton and you stand out So believe in yourself. I believe in you. I don't know if I would want that though. All right relax Really you don't want to be out fucking?
Starting point is 01:14:38 National TV. I don't know if I would want to be a cast member. All right. Let's stop talking rosebud maker I know if I would want to be a cast member. All right, let's stop talking. Rose Bud Baker. I like the writer's room. I like being in the background. I do, I like the writer's room. I like not being recognized. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:52 I like making way less money. And now you're a host. Rose Bud. I like making money. Yeah, all right. Anyways, I'm going to be in, I'm going on tour with Louis. While, yeah, so anyways, I'll be gone. I'll be in, I'm going on tour with Louis. Uh, well, yeah. So anyways, I'll be gone.
Starting point is 01:15:06 I'll be in, I'm very excited about this tour. A little nervous about it. What? I don't know, I love my son. I love being with my son and my wife. And I'm sad that I'm, you know, he's sad that I'm leaving. You know, dude, he's at an age right now where, like even last night, he just at an age right now where like even last night
Starting point is 01:15:32 He just lies on top of me. We're watching a hockey game and we're fighting and then he literally this is so funny last He's such a psycho. So we're fighting We're fighting and don's man. He's like Bobby. It's bedtime and I'm not supposed to get him riled up But yeah, so we're kind of like I'm tick you know grab he's he puts his hand over my mouth Right, he's got big hands for the put him and then he goes like this. Oh, but he stopped you at and I went I took it I go you tried to murder I did it Still thinking about going on the room I did it. Still thinking about going on the roof.
Starting point is 01:16:04 Just so you know, the thought is there. Just letting you know. Yeah, and he knows too, like he fucks up now and he's like, that you yelling at me for something you shouldn't yeah. And I'm like, all right, he's like, you, I don't know why, man, this isn't something to be that mad about. And I'm like, you got a point. I'm cool, we can have these conversations now, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:16:26 Yeah. When he fucks up, but it's just a cool time. I'll be away. But I'll be with him the whole summer. I'm going away all of August. You'll be hosting. Go to my website. I will be at Jess for laughs.
Starting point is 01:16:36 Not the that one. I'll be at the other one in Montreal. I'll be there too. The nasty show. Oh, good. Yeah. Okay. We're going to hang out. We're smokers of cars. Yeah. All right. Is Andy coming? Yeah. Okay. We're gonna hang out. We're smokers. Yeah. All right. Is Andy
Starting point is 01:16:45 coming? Yeah. Awesome. We'll do a couple. We'll definitely hang out. We'll make sure that's right. Just one with air. Great. And then Vassani's in Port Charlotte in August. That's my only gigs this summer. Those two gigs. So and go to comicrables.com. Get yourself some YKWD gear, use code word ladybug and you get 20% off. And also make sure you check it out. Stick around, it's not over yet. This episode of YKWD is continuing now exclusively on patreon.com slash rubber kelly. See you there. Check out Rosebud. Where can they check you out Rosebud? RosebudBaker.com. You're always fucking funny on the show. You're making one of my favorites.
Starting point is 01:17:29 Thanks for coming on. Thanks, Bobby. Sorry I didn't tell you about us, and I'll... No, it was fine. I don't care. I was very excited for you. I was kidding. No, it was possible.
Starting point is 01:17:36 You know, he's right. You're not supposed to go, hey, look guys! Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah, no. I mean, the fact that you're on all these other shows, you didn't write me in nothing. I mean, I get nothing from you guys I've written you into stuff. Yeah, and then I have and let me go away hot dog guy number two
Starting point is 01:17:54 Yeah, and then I delete I just fucking They go we're not hiring any white guys. Yeah, you'll never have to worry about that with me Bobby, I know I'll never there will be nothing I can tell you have to worry about that with me, Bobby. I know, I'll never. There will be nothing I can tell you. You know, add me into a rap. It's fat guy named Bob. He's a slob. Whatever you want to get.
Starting point is 01:18:09 What is that? That's what I do. That's so great. And he says shout. What do you got? BrendanSagolo.com and Instagram and Twitter and all that. And what do you got? Zia underscore land, XIA underscore LA and D
Starting point is 01:18:23 on Twitter and Instagram. And Zia land everywhere else, XIA, LA and D on Twitter and Instagram and Zia land everywhere else XIA LA and D on YouTube Twitch only fans Check it out. You guys thanks for coming on today This is one of the funnest episode we had in a long time. Hope you guys enjoyed it patreon I hope you enjoyed the extras very funny And we'll see you guys next week on you know what good there we go ¡Hasta la próxima! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver!
Starting point is 01:18:43 ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver!
Starting point is 01:18:51 ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! ¡Ni no lo puedo ver! La región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sinfín de aventuras te esperan.
Starting point is 01:19:07 ¡Fliparás! Vuelas desde Madrid a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. you

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