Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD 101

Episode Date: July 8, 2012

Lazlow Jones (Rockstar games,Grand Theft Auto) and Patrick Milligan from Cringe Humor (@TheStandNYC) join the crew. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un duvena que de Maú, a Madrid. I'm Las Lofa Rockstar, games of Grand Theft Auto.

You are listening to You Know What, dude! With Bob Kelly on Rightcast.com. Hey YKW, defense. I've been telling you I had a really big announcement for the last three weeks. I've been teasing it. Here it is. No sound effects, no buttons to push. I'm just fucking letting you know that the Ryah cast network is adding the Davey Max worth program to the Ryah cast network. I'm so excited to be fucking adding this show. It's one of my favorite shows out there. I love this podcast. If you like sports and you like to laugh, you have to check out the Davey Max Point program.

East Side Dave, welcome to the family. You guys who don't know them, you don't know the show, go check it out. You guys who do everybody go, subscribe, leave a review. Let's get them in the top 20. Let's get him in the news and know where the this show is fucking hilarious And I'm proud to add it to the network. We are now 12 of the most funny Interesting hilarious podcasts on the internet are right here at riotcast.com join the fucking riot Hey everybody it's Dan Soder a monster voice from the You Know What Dude podcast. Bobby is going to be live. The 13th of July, Bobby is going to be in Musket Fest Cafe.

That sounds made up. It's in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, whether the 19th, 20th and 21st. Viva Las Vegas, Bobby is going to be at the Empire comedy at the Paras Hotel. So go check that out. In Rhode Island, you got some great strip clubs. Well, you know what else you got? Eight on August 16th, Bobby's gonna be at the comedy connection. Go check it out.

One show only. Get your tickets. It's gonna be a bloodbath. I don't even know. It's not a proper way to actually promote a comedy show and 18th August Wilbur Theater Bean Town the Prodicle Sun or one of the Prodicle Sun's returns one show only so get tickets now Before it sells out and you guys end up getting in fights with your sweatpants and your Celtics hoodies Fuck yo, there's fucking sweatpants kid fucking warm up pants and sweatpants are the same fucking thing.

And fuck yo, go, being time. Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton, this is Dennis Lerie. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Crisier. Staying cooking, you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude?

You know what dude? This is Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude? I know what dude! This is Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude? I'm not getting you more than you want. You know what I mean? Have you texted this fucking guy? Oh, you're just guessing that he's coming. Have you texted him? Well, texting now.

So, have you just answered the question? No, I haven't. There you go. There you go. Dan. Dan. I mean, she's just guessing. Why don't you go sit in a window and fucking make some money around here. Like one of the other psychics. Nobody's coming. Is he coming? Yes, of course he's coming. I saw him last night and I'll say to you tomorrow. I say, get there early. Don't do that, Lazlo. Don't play the fucking guitar. Now you can't touch notes.

You're on the get up board. You didn't even start it yet, you fucking cocksucker. It's not even three, actually. I just started recording. I've been recording the whole time. I always kind of get people off guard. All right, we hear, shut up. Oh, we hear with another episode.

It's actually, you know, last week was the 100th episode. Who is it really? Who gives a fuck? No, no. 101. At 101, that's what we'll call this one, 101. YKWD 101, and it's a special one. I'm actually excited about today.

We have, of course, we have Dan Soda. Hello, Bobby. Birthday bitch. Former birthday bitch. Yeah, former birthday bitch Soda. Hello, Bobby. Birthday bitch. Former birthday bitch. Yeah, former birthday bitch. No, I'm just hungover bitch. We're gonna get into that in a second. We got Fat Kelly.

Hi. Fickin' he making me a geek. Oh, I love it. She used to be really fat. Lazl's lookin' at her like, she's kinda hot, I'm not her. We have Lazl from Rockstar, video games. We're a good friend of mine.

And one of the fucking baddest video game companies out there I mean you guys are the best right guys at the top We're trying hard come on fuck you do you guys broke every record in the world you made movies Be like what the fuck last year with uh with your video games, right? I mean you're the tunnel by the heap. I mean you make fucking gazillions of dollars Yourself you're a gazillion Yeah, right? I drive a Honda Civic.

Do you? No, it just fucking bums me out. It's very warm buffet. I just, I thought you had a Lambo. No, no. I'm about, you know how drug dealers never flood. Yeah, that's smart. Yeah, and also, I just not like to keep grounded.

You like to keep down with the people? So I still eat shitty. Yeah? Yeah, you just fucking, to keep grounded. You like to keep down with the people. I still eat shitty Yeah, yeah, yeah, you just fucking you go to the supermarket you shop from your own food But I do I pay a poor woman to sit in the corner and cry Yeah, it works out nicely We have like an awesome apartment that's like a minimalist like you're into like Japanese shit I hate all that minimalist shit dude. You do? Just like designing stuff.

Yeah. Just be like I'm in a fucking IKEA. You don't have that? Just I'm not into the fung shui, I don't get it. What do you have just a regular, I know you live in this with Blume Away about Lazlo. I would think you'd have like a loft and so how and fucking throw little parties. Yeah. He's just a dude in Long Island.

He has a house, he has kids, he has a wife. No, I don't have kids. He has a wife. They both are. They're all awarded. But you're a member of the neighborhood. Watch associate. Yeah, dude, you do like.

Are you really? Yeah. No. But I am that guy. You go that guy now who I hear like a ruckus out. So I knock it off. I'm looking out the window going. They're going to steal something out there. You're going to go get your fucking scrunchies. If you put your hair knock it off. I'm looking out the window going. They're gonna steal something out there.

You're gonna go get your fucking scrunchies. Put your hair in a ponytail. I got this. I might get into a fight. Yeah. He's fucking Sam Elliott from Roadhouse. He's fucking Princess Poletail bag. I loved him in Roadhouse.

He was the best. He was fucking great in that movie. Do you know how bad I wanted a father figure to call me Mijo? What I was talking about. You wanted him as your dad. I wanted him like a father figure to call me Mijo. What I was doing. You wanted him as your dad. I wanted him to be like, it's alright man. Come on Mijo.

I would have fucking loved it. I would have done better in school. I guarantee I would have done better in school. All right, let me introduce the fourth person, or the fifth person, because we had Kelly. I don't know what Kelly went, but we got Patrick from Crinchuma, who's on enemy soil. This cocksucker. I really enemy soil. This cock sucker.

This dummy, he's opening up, Harry, is fucking gay, Lewis, everybody. Lewis, go sit down over next to Lazlo. That's Lazlo. What are you doing? You have a friend that rollerblades? That's not what I want to say. I have rollerblades there in the closet.

Yeah, you know why you don't use them? Because they're fruit boots. Yeah. Well, you already know a lot about Lewis though. Right. Every time I rollerblade it, just I start really getting into the swishing. Yeah. Start thinking about interior design.

Yeah, I love the lights. Do you stop and spin? Yeah. You should have a headband on. Do you love that on chips? Do you remember chips? They always had like the scenes of people doing the sort of the roller boogie. Yeah. Yeah, you have a headband on you love that on chips Do you remember chips? They always had like the scenes of people doing the sort of the roller boogie? Yeah Yeah, yeah, well, they still have in the central park if you go on the weekends

There's these guys who still roll a skate with the fucking big stopper in the front Yeah, and they have the little cones and they they go back and forth and they do dances and then yeah There's like hot chicks with those fucking jean shorts That go up over there belly button remember those high jeans days to women used to wear all the time Who remember when the hips back in the 80s hip for in like birthing hip for in with the wide fucking ass Pancake butt you can still go down center park and see that shit on weekends Yeah, I almost did it one day me and Burry used to roll a blade, but we played hockey We used to play roll-bait hockey in center park, which I can't believe I fucking did no one day. Me and Burry used to roll a blade, but we played hockey. We used to play roll-bite hockey in center park,

which I can't believe I fucking did. No breaks on my roll-bites. Me and him down fifth half flying, and then we go play roll-bite hockey on cement. And we both have tempers from Boston. So I remember one day, we got no fucking fight. He pushed me into like a cement wall on roll-bites. It was crazy.

But welcome Lewis, you fucking cock sucker. Sup. You really just show up late. Just the stereotype you just didn't answer. What time is it right now? Right now? Right now. It's 258.

OK, so I'm two minutes early, and I been here for fucking 10 minutes. Well, Charlie's been buzzing something for a fucking hour against. I don't even know. I was on time, three o'clock. How much time just down to be here? Three o'clock.

Why? Because we started at three. No a three no we supposed everybody gets here early Why does the fucking put a ring get to get a three o'clock when everybody else has to be here early Oh Kelly is you know what? Kelly what's wrong with you today? What's wrong with you today? What are you why are you fucking up? No? Why? Why I've done nothing wrong you You're fucking somebody. You're angry. You're got, you have dick in your life. No. You have, you have dick in your life. No, I'm sorry, don't, don't. This is a regular dick in color. No. You have dicks. You're

get, tell me you're not getting dick. I'm not. Yeah, you're lying. You know I got a last week because I told you about it. Did you get it again? No. You have a, she did. Yeah, she did. She's lying. she told me yesterday she did you specifically tell me you're fine I'm not yeah I did tell you about that you got fucking dick you're getting dick so you're you're actually slacking off with your responsibilities don't you ever say that I thought I'll say it again don't have a point to be in telling that to San Evan I'll say it you're getting dick so you fucking,

you don't really need this podcast anymore. That's why you're on this podcast. Did you watch True Blood last night? No. Okay. Then she's not getting dick. Why is your microphone so Steven Tyler? Yeah.

That's exactly why. Well, you've got bandanas around it. That's because that's why they throw it around. Yeah, well, I sang in the middle of each I can't see the encore. Yeah, it's a big number. Yeah, that's what we did it. We made a joke one day about me being Steven Tyler and then I left it. There you go. Now what I really need to do is get one of those cigarette clips. You've ever seen that? Yeah, those are the cigarette clips on the microphone. So what's your fucking cigarette clip? They can they clip up their cigarette clip your cigarette. I've never seen that you know It's more than that when like a guitarist put the cigarette any van Halen. I fucking yeah top of the

5150 Sammy Haggar Rochester, New York. I saw Front row and he had the cigarette on the end and he looked down He looked at me. He did this. What did he do? And then I panicked because I got too shit face. That was when I used to drink And he looked down and he went, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, And then I'm at one point, I got pushed up and I couldn't breathe, and I looked up at Eddie, and I went help. And he just went down, he went over to that side of the stage. This guy's bumping me out. Like he was gonna reach out and get this kid. Eddie help!

And then I just went over to the, I kind of worked my way out of the bleachers, and then I remember just throwing up for the rest of the conversation. Where was the skinny Bobber fat Bob? This was skinny bob, this was fucking, I was 15. Yeah, do you got a pan of picture for me, man? I got a heart. Here's a deal. I used to, I just went back to Rochester, New York,

this weekend and played the comedy club. That's the name of it. Actually, a really cool club. The guy who owns it, Mark, fucking great guy, you know, he picked you up at the airport, Tattoos. He looks like he's fucking, you know, you flew to Rochester. Yeah. Plains like he's fucking, you know. You flew to Rochester? Yeah. Plains are always smashing into the earth up there. What? Wasn't that the plane that...

What? It's stalled. What are you talking about? It was the big... There was a plane crash. It was a plane crash, right there. You knew about this? Bobby, you've been dead for 10 years.

Yeah. Get a new type of chicken date. That's why Kelly's still on the show. I'm kidding. Really, there was a plan crash up there. No shit. That's the one that was revealed that the engine stalled out, right?

Yeah, but the two people flying it were making like $14,000 a year. That's what it was. Yeah, that's what it was. Yeah, that's what it was. Yeah, that's what it was. Yeah, that's what it was. Yeah, that's what it was. Yeah, that's what it was. Yeah, that's what it was. Yeah, that's one it was yeah, those that pilots get paid. I let some kids shit don't get paid shit Oh, well I flew I flew jet blue so yeah

I'm getting a highly paid jet jet blue isn't gonna crash If anyone's gonna crash jet blue is gonna be a jet blue is what would it discount airlines? Smash into the grass. First of all jet blue top two. Oh jet blue was going on flu First of all jet blue all first of allBlue and the newest fleet in the fucking, in the airline market. What do you got stuck in them? I don't know. What do they call it? No, I just know, because I know that,

because I don't want to, I, unlike middleers, I fly all the time. Guess what? I keep it real. As a feature, I'm on the bus with other people, learning, learning about this great country, you're living. The she is their life. Are you pitching that show to travel, Jan?

Hi, I'm Dan Soder. Welcome back to Bussin' Across America. Yeah, I'm middle everywhere, so I have to drive, because I don't make enough money. And you know what I do? I stop off and see this country. Let's check out this diner up here in fuckin' Older Bolt, Iowa. Older Bolt, where the fuck? I would have never pulled that out. I don't know. Lewis, when you open for people, or guest spots. What do you do? I usually walk there

I wonder if comics back in the day memory hitchhiking was in like back in the 70s people were just hitchhiking You know hitchhiked one time Danny LeBel. He's a comic big fat comic. You know Danny, right? Yeah We're up in I took him on a gig up up in upstate in New York. I Call him in the afternoon. I was gonna go at lunch. He was with him in his check and he was out and he called me back He goes, yeah, we're downtown in a restaurant and I was like, how the fuck did you get there? We hitchhiked? What? Yeah, dude. They just fucking thumbed it up in upstate New York. Danny is like retarded enough to get away with it like no one would hurt him Yeah, yeah, he's too big to fuck Perfect

That's what I was like 15 I would hitchhike all the time Who would pick up from a 15 year old Lewis Jake where did you hitchhike from like the fucking mall to my house? I don't know where what mall? Plants and a mall? Really? Well, no, I guess it was an annual at mall at the time. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you cute little Puerto Rican. You put that, would you put a little skirt on?

Yeah. Go over my hand job. You'll be good. You're gonna go to the Golden Smile. First girl I murdered was a hitchhiker. How funny was that lady wasn't kidding? Yeah, just steely eyeed. I'm like a cheesist.

That's where you go to all the shit for rockstar, all his games. Like, where did they come up with these things? He's like, I'm like a cheesis. That's where you got all the shit for rockstar, all his games. Like, where did they come up with these things? He's like, I'm just a fucking brewer. I killed him. He's in a room that like, what should we do for the next game? What if we kill hookers? We just kill him.

What if we just beat hookers up? And then we know that's where they came up with Grand Theft Auto. That's it. Grand Theft Auto, man. That fucking game is. That change shit. That changed everything. That changed video game. Yeah, I mean, when you guys, when that was going down, right? man that fucking game is that changed that changed everything that changed

video game yeah I mean when you guys when when that was going down right I mean didn't you know like holy shit this is this is gonna fucking flip the whole industry upside down I mean I didn't I working on GTA 3 back in 2001 I you know when we finished it was like cool. I've worked on a video game. Yeah. And then, you know, people went insane for it within the first week. Tell me, tell me you're the guy who came up with the idea to drive on the grass where you could fucking fuck a hooker

and then kill her and take her money back. Tell me that was awesome. That wasn't me. There's other aspects to the game. What are you doing? That's all I'm doing. I really asked that he's the hooker. And you don't have to harass the women in the game.

So realistic. That's great. Well, the first that he's the whole thing. You don't have to harass the women in the game. That's so realistic. That's great. Well, the first two Grand Theft Auto's were just like driving games, right? Yeah, they were sort of top down. Yeah, top down. I remember that, and then I remember my buddy, I was in college, my buddy, he's like, yeah, you gotta try the new Grand Theft Auto.

I'm like, I'm not into driving games. He's like, oh, this isn't a driving. Yeah. And then I played it and I was like, this is the fucking coolest. I remember me and Patrice, I think we're fucking around with that game. Cause we used to play before that me, Patrice, Billy, Keith, used to go up to me and Billy's place on 97th and Lex after all our spots and played Tekken. Yeah.

Yeah. We used to have Tekken competitions. And it was fucking brutal. Cause I mean, not only were you playing the game But you got Keith going you mother. I'm gonna fuck your mother and just smashing each other It was so bad you sitting there playing the Patrice is like oh this bitch It's like and then you lose it's just fucking terrible, but this shit came out and it was like I was like what the fuck like Why would it almost fade me like sometimes when I go on a not now really but back in XM days This shit came out and it was like, I was like, what the fuck, like why would,

it almost fade me, like sometimes when I go on ONA, not now really, but back in XM days, I would leave going, I feel bad. Like, I don't know if I feel right, like what happened, what I was just involved in. And when I killed the hooker the first time in that game, I was like, I don't know if I feel okay with, just, because you're clubbing them.

It tapped into me and like, how much, if I'm glad that I don't know if I feel okay with, just, you're clubbing them. It tapped into me and like how much if I'm glad that I give a fuck. Because when I played that game for the first time, I was like, I just wanna smash shit and shoot people and I'm like, I'm a terrible person. Yeah, yeah, it's a fucking crazy game. And then the actual aspect of there was, you had to do something, but then there was,

you don't have to do shit. You can just drive around and fucking pick up whores, jump in another car, take's you can car jack people That was like it was almost like people gave you guys shit for that, but it's almost like you know what? You can actually fucking do it without getting without doing it. Oh, you know realize I really I really don't want to fucking kill a whore Just get it out just get it out of your system. That's what made me realize how much I really wanted to kill a whore. That was the game.

You had to kill a whore, because you never have enough money to pay for it. That's why you kill them. That's so true. Fuck it. Patrick, anything? Okay, listen. I have a right.

What about you? All I'm in this place, I don't know. Guess what I'm in. What is going on with his turn as Mike Down? Listen, nothing. What's up with his microphone? What did he have a fucking? He wasn't supposed to be on this place What is going on with his turn as Mike down? Listen, what's up with his microphone? What did they have a fucking he wasn't supposed to be on the show? I got it with him. Not the Joe list fucking I just say the Roger.

He wasn't he wasn't supposed to be on the show Patrick I asked Patrick be on the show Patrick's They don't trust me to come on the show alone to that's what the founder of creamtumer.com. He's dangerous on the airway. Okay, people people who don't know Patrick he he started crinchumer dot com and then he's gotten involved with uh... david and uh... chris and paul yep dav chris and paul who what's the company name also see a change in

the okay and then we can see a we actually started uh... on my second meeting with that was when i met you at a cosmic diner fifty second and eight yeah so i I met you at a cosmic diner on 52nd and 8th, 2000. So I mean Patrick's been a friend of mine. He went to my show at the stress factory ages ago.

Mikey D. Open for you guys. Mikey D. Stefano was fucking, I remember, I remember he was middling and all of the sudden dude, how do I get where you are getting nice, what a beauty you are. How can I do, I'm better than every fucking cock sucker here. Why the fucking? And I'm like Mike. I don't know dude I'm I'm here. I just got here. Yeah, let me enjoy me being here you fucking cunt. I first saw you You actually first time I was so you opened for gym nor now Westbury music fair

This is an oh and a we first kick off the terrestrial radio in the round that was fucking great That was epic for me. I was I'm gonna be so nervous at that one Keith was hosting yeah Keith Robinson We know it used to bring me and Keith to open for him. That's awesome. Did it spin? It didn't. Not with Norton. I does spin. They do do that. Yeah. It's not Karlin there. Yeah. Norton didn't do the spinning. He sold half the round when there's no promotion because O&A would just kick off the air a few months before that.

Yeah. He was back when he sold half of it. That's not around. That's semi-circle. Yeah. That's like half a donut. Well, I didn't where he's my friend. I didn't want to say he sold the half a donut. So, but you should have said when I asked if it's spun, yeah, why is it going to spin so his back is to everybody. Yeah, well, I didn't want to say that. I wanted to say no. I just wanted to move on because I didn't want people to know that it was half sold, but you really want. What year was this? I don't know. What are you? Monk? Why do you have to discover it?

Why do you have to figure out that? No, no, was it fat bob your skinny bobby? Skinny bobby. Hair. With hair. With hair and a goatee that I didn't have to die. You guys don't, you don't know about that stage when I had to die the go-t. What oh, yeah Just for men. Oh, yeah, I mean we don't call it that we call it medicine Me and Keith used to call it the medicine Keith still uses the medicine. What yeah, you know, never use the medicine Patrice Patrice, please do use the medicine here. Yeah The lot of motherfuckers. You don't know. There's a lot of them, I can't rat them out because I'm still a member of the club. Whatever, rat them out, who gives a sh**?

I just fucking heard of. I was a club club. The, the, I thought it could vein club. We look like we're 60 club. I asked why I started, that's why I shaved all my shit off. I was, I'm like, I'm not doing this.

I said, I'm not putting, because I would ruin hotel bathrooms because I didn't put the die on right, so it's splatter everywhere. You can't stain or anything. You can't see it until the actual, black light DNA. No, no, no, what happens with the die?

What happens about die? You mix this with this and it becomes black, but it takes like five or six minutes to turn the full dark. So if you put it on, it's clear. And then all of a sudden, it just gets jet black. And you're supposed to take it off when it's the color that you like.

But if you leave it, leave it for like 10 minutes, it's just black. And then you can look on the wall, and there's little dots, but then all of a sudden, they turn black. And you can't get that shit out. I mean, there's so many hotel rooms, there's little black dots on it, from me just fucking,

just fucking up my beard. Yeah, I was like, I'm not doing the same. One time I didn't have any black hair dye on my beard and I had to do a TV thing and I used mascara. Oh no. And I was like, I'm done, that's it, I'm done, I'm tapping out, I'm not, I'm done. Did it look good, did it ever look good? Did it ever what?

It looked good the the just for man and a beard. Yeah, I mean yeah when you die it you know you can't tell shit but all of a sudden you'll see now you'll see you know when you're trying to buy a car and you never see the car but then you know you have a son you that's the one you want you see them everywhere now you'll see these guys with gray right on the edges of their beard it's because their fucking grays is coming back in. And they need to get the medicine. Dude, I can't wait to hear eyebrows.

Go gray. It's gonna be fucking awesome. You're gonna be fucking awesome. Would you bleach your teeth? No. No, bleach my- I've never done anything to my teeth. I just was- I had great teeth.

I would trade teeth for hair any day. I'd trade for Patrick's teeth. I'd get those fucking spinach openers. When you first met me, I had a rotten front black tooth. Yeah, I remember that. You used to call me black tooth the pirate. Yeah. Talk to you.

I do. I just had a cap door for you. I don't know why the capes no one feeling good about themselves. That's when I knew you were actually starting to make it when you got that fucked up tooth fixed up You never kicked in finally He has his teeth were like shredded wheat Oh Oh, it's his terrible man

Remember you made for me I was eating chicken wings at the cellar one night And you were just fucking vomiting all over the place watching my teeth just pulling Oh There's nothing worse there I'm gonna sell it one night and you're just fucking vomiting all over the place watching my teeth just pulling There's nothing worse there You ever see somebody with shitty teeth try to eat like chicken They have to like kind of pull it off because like their teeth are soft Soft baby teeth. Yeah, they just worried about them pulling out. Oh, someone's phone. Just went off phone just went off. Yeah yours. Oops. Sorry. Fuck you both. Fuck off. Hey, it's your rule. Well, and and you were so you were there when the game

when it went fucking ballistic when they just went fuck it. We're going overboard with this game. Yeah. And you were part of that. What do you tell people what you do at Rockstar? Well, basically the same thing I did since GTA 3. It was, they came, I was working in radio back then and they said we want to put radio in a game and so I got together with the guys there and we came up with like spoof commercials, spoof DJs and there's some great ones. And put it in there and then it's just evolved over the years to the point now and you And GTA IV was on the next generation consoles, Xbox 360, PS3, and a lot more horsepower. So we said, one of the things we loved

was in the original GTA III and all those, is people would just drive around the city listening to the radio. And they weren't really doing any missions. And we're like, what if we could make in-game TV? So people are watching their character watch TV. So we created a bunch of cartoons and stuff in the game, like hours worth of original TV content

that people watch their character watch. It's just fucking nuts. What'd you do for three hours? I watched a small man on my TV, watched a smaller TV. Yeah. It's fucking nuts, man. That's like, that's like sick shit. That's like next level shit.

Well, I remember saying in Dress, you had to like eat and go exercise. Yeah, but you didn't have to. That was the thing. And people complain like, I hate to go exercise. Like, no, you didn't. You stopped fat in the game. I got just like, life.

I got my guy so fucking jacked up And then I was like why don't I go to the gym? Sinner is there pushing a button while he's on a treadmill my characters is fucking jacked and I'm sitting there like a piece of shit Force dad body Well, and that was cool too because then you got which one was that we were all in we all did voices in GTA 4 GTA 4 we all did these voices you were a trash man, I believe no, I was a I was a Italian Some fucking Shlub that got killed like a gangster that got killed in the toilet Some fucking bald

Dushbag with it was just basically me Yeah, some fucking bald douche bag with it. It was just basically me I'm asking really what was the laundry room? Was it fat pop or skinny bump? This was it was fat pop it was medium Bob, but it was so what's that skinny bulb coming back? He's coming back. Is it but I yeah, he's coming back I actually been going to the boxing gym the last three three weeks now it's four weeks I went this morning at nine o'clock and I wasn't supposed to go today I called up and was like I want to go. I'm addicted to it now. So right up right next to you guys, right on not bleaker and Broadway. Right. There's a great boxing

guy. His name is Steve Keith got me into a Keith and Amy Schumer. The two toughest people I know. Tell you what, Amy Schumer is no fucking joke. She's in shape. Stop fucking. Tell me that Amy Schumer is a good boxer. Dude, in shape. Stop fucking tell me that Amy Schumer is a good boxer dude Let me tell you something I she out wins everybody there. She's a chick She yeah, but she snaps those fucking pads and the bag I'm not look you see girls hitting the bag. You're like, okay, Amy snaps that fucking bag Bapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapap, bap, bap, bap, bap, and she does not stop. Everybody else is fucking dying, taking a break. She's jumping rope, so go fuck yourself. That's because she is 90 and you weigh 300 pounds right now.

She learning how to fight her, just a weekend. No, I'm not fucking fighting her. Can you see the Puerto Rican girl there yet? Which one? She's a fucking monster. She's like maybe five foot one, and she just, they get in the room. How many times did you go?

I went three or four times. Really? I've been around nine, so don't talk to me about what I about what I'm asking about a girl. I'm kidding. I'm kidding I'm not a fucking pro fighter fucking sad that you don't show up anymore because I should for it. It's 25 all It's a lot for an hour. You're a fucking Guinness spokesman Ambassador Well, you know it's we don't park you get to park I do I have a card. Hello. I'm what's, wait a park. Do you get to park wherever? I do. I have a card.

Hello. I'm Dan Soder, Guinness and Baster. I want to take a look. He parks in front of any Irish pub in the city. Yeah. Damn, or like, you know the perfect point. But I remember Grand Theft Auto 4. I was working at K-Rock then. And you guys had some K-Rock DJs on like Nick Carter and Danny.

And I told Nick Carter I was like, you know what I did last night? I got stoned and I went around the city looking for you and it was beat you to death with a bat. He's like, you're fucking great. Are you friends with him? Yeah, I know Nick. Yeah, I remember doing going in to do it and you go in on a sound studio,

it's fucking great and you have to say all this shit over and over and just. Well, that's because you did a terrible performance. Oh, I'm so nervous. You're in trouble. You're in trouble. You're in trouble, right? I remember I got, I remember I banged a moon and. Oh, I'm so proud. You're in soda water mill that first go. I remember I got, I remember I banged a moon and the lady came out and I kind of got in trouble.

Remember she kind of got mad. What did you do? You're in the studio and there's all glass and then I pulled my pants down, and sang a moon. But some lady produced, I don't know who she was. She was there and I was like, oh, fuck. And I talked, I was like, dude, am I, is that, he's a guy? Maybe, I don't know.

I'm not probably not a good idea that you did that. And I was like, oh, fuck, and I talked, I was like, dude, am I, is that, he's a guy? Maybe, I don't know. I'm not probably not a good idea that you did that. And I was like, what are you doing? You're supposed to go into a place of business in a professional recording studio. Absolutely. Except when it's a place that makes video games where you kill hookers. I think that's the only place that you can bang a moon at a woman and she should just take the fucking hit. Hey, she's probably, she probably just got out of a meeting going, all right now, what's the hookers that are gonna be murdered? Who are we casting for this?

What is he doing? Everybody sees this on the hooker thing. Yeah, dude, because you fucking, it's the greatest thing ever. It's the most epic fucking thing ever. But what would you, what would you, what would you, what would you, hang on one second.

Let's go into the racism and that's where it really gets made. Hooker schmuckers. Why is it really racist? No, I'm kidding. No, it's not. All right, I was gonna say it's not that racist. It's not racist at all. Except it's pretty racist. You go into fucking like neighborhoods with all brown people and just fucking mom down. I mean, that's what you're choosing to be. It's all choices. Well, here you know how it exposes people's racism because I did know this sort of like conservative weird guy and he goes, I like that grand theft auto and I'm like, what are you talking about?

Say it in the rest. He's like, I like to go into the hood and just mow a mow down. I was like, oh, thanks. Fucking him and Lewis will be fast for us. And you said them, that mean them. What do you mean them? What do you mean them?

Yeah, you know them. I like them all down. There's one with a camera here. Shush. Yeah, what do we do? Oh, I forgot. I forgot she was here actually. We take photos every week to promote the show on Facebook

and Twitter and all that shit. I see. Yeah, it's very nice. They give you a good Facebook. You don't do Facebook. Yeah, I don't have time for it. Are you kidding me? Dude, fuck my friends. I can give a fuck what you're eating or

Vacation or fucking you know what that's called. That's called the guy with a real job and a real life America used to be that deadlines. Yeah, he's a man You know disgusting makes us such a good point though, is that I'm sitting there. Me and my wife last night, I've been away all week. We went out last night, we walked, we did this crazy walk. Aw, just fucking blasted it to somewhere, came all the way back, we came back, we showered, and then we had great sex.

And as soon as I'm done, I checked my Facebook, and it's like an addiction, I'm like, and then I realized I'm like, what am I doing? I just fucked it done, I checked my Facebook, and it's like an addiction. And I'm like, and then I realized, I'm like, what am I doing? I just fucked, and I threw my phone, and I just went, you know, let's talk. I have my wife text, I just fucked. Now please go on Facebook. She was actually on her fucking iPad,

reading 17 Shades of Fucking Grey that plot. I'm actually after sex, my chick has looked at me, and she says, you wanna go play Xbox don't you know I'm like because I the second I come I think of pizza and video games. I like it You should at you be the name of your podcast The second I come Peter and You don't play games do you pat? I'm a sports gamer mainly a sports come, Peter and you don't play games. Do you, Pat? I'm a sports gamer mainly a sports gamer. What do you mean?

NHL? Put your fucking fang teeth up to that microphone. NHL played mad and I play whatever sports games come out. Really? And you work at a prison. Yeah. That'd be a great game. That would be a hell. Wouldn't that be a really you work at a prison? Yeah. I'm a correctional cook. Yeah. Pretty much a fat lunch lady. Yeah. Yeah. You work at a prison. Yeah, I'm a correctional cook. Yeah, pretty much a lunch lady Have you ever put the ground glass and have we already gone over this? No, have you ever put the ground glass and somebody's I

It's a minimum security jails not okay. Why call or should I say anybody ever offered you money to put ground glass and I've Been offered money for things but I'm not throwing away my fucking pension so some scale can you know make a scale. Was that what you call them? scale. scale. What have you been offered money for? I want to know. Like you know using a cell phone and no cigarettes and shit like that. And fucking let them suck your cock. While you make pudding. Have you ever have you ever seen Mr. Echo bend somebody over? No, that's not so that's ours. And nine. Oh, it is. The shard comes. They're doing no more than eight months. They're's not so that's ours. Mine though, it is the fact. It's not yours.

You're doing no more than eight months. They're doing no more than eight months. So if they turn gay, then they're gay. I used to say that about when I was in Juve Hall, people like, dude, did you have to suck dick? I'm like, no, you're in there for months. If you suck dick in Juve Hall, you're a fag. You know, it's like, dude, you're getting out next week.

Why do you gonna blow me for a cigarette? If you're in prison, I think, and you do it, you're gay, right? We catch you up. Oh, it's a power thing. Now, if you're a lifer, if you're a lifer, you're a lifer and you're doing, you're not getting out, you're gonna get ahead from a dude.

Lewis, how long are you gonna take you to fuck a dude? Yeah, Lewis, tell him. Three hours. Three hours. The door shut to the gas. Who's fucking me? Lewis got a parking ticket. he tried to blow the guy. You catch people masturbating, that's a...

Yeah, we catch all the time. While they're in line for the food, or... No, like, it's like a catch in workers. So we have a bathroom right by where we serve the food, and all the time they have the count, and it seals open the door, kick it open, so I'm gonna be jerking off a whole new photo. Yeah, I used to, when I used to work through,

meant to retard to people, that's the same thing. Dude, I let me I used to jerk off at KFC when I just work there So go to the bathroom in the middle of my ships to get one out of you crazy Yeah, dude, I'm so glad you're off in a KFC. Yeah, this is the this is why I want you to make it because I don't want you working Anywhere I don't want to see you. I don't want you harming people. Did I run my boss? I was, did I run for a nice jerk session in the middle like prime time fucking Alex. You're rocking it. I'm asking the drive to rerosh. Did I fucking want for a quick jerk and the thing that I opened the door?

I was in there for like 20 minutes, dude. I opened the door and the manager of the KFC punched me in the face. What? You deserve that. Cuz you took 20 minutes, all because you didn't run it. Cuz I was taking a dump first, so he didn't know I was jerking. I get it if he just punched me because he thought I was jerking it. He thought I was taking a dump and he punched me for that.

He was a lunatic. So he was managing a KFC at 45. I remember I worked at a de-angelo, which is a sub shop chain in Beentown. And I remember I worked at this fucking dildo dude. Just that old dude, he had a colostomy bag. Oh boy. You can see it too because he had to wear those here he had to wear pants that were extra big just so he could fucking put him on

I'm on one day he was just addicting me all the time and then one day he went to the bathroom and his bag fucking blew up he just he was just so sad he came out he was like help and I was like fuck you go fuck clean that up you loser Shit everyone It was all And it was that shit cuz you could see it was almost like plasma We could see shit and then oil around where the shit was on his pants I used to get laid man at fucking my jobs. He's the fuck checks a lot Yes, any Bob

I never I never claim high and pussy I claim a hot body goofy face Okay, that was my thing. I would always bang a chick with a fang tooth You know some fucking I small than the other eye. Something petrically malignant. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. If I was gonna chick with a hot body in those teeth, oh, she'd be mine.

Oh, shit. That's where you got that in cringey humor. I miss single Bobby Kelly. You were banging. You had a forum where you were just banging every chick on that fucking forum. I fucking. Oh,

how long ago was this back in the two thousand and two? Why did you settle down? I just I don't know. I don't know. I mean, why do all these stories I hear about all you guys on the road, banging chicks and just connected to your sense. It's it's because whore or whatever. I mean, it's happy.

Second panel. It's because it you know what happens is, you finally get to the point where it's like, you can't hang out with these chicks, you can bear them for a few hours and fuck them. And as soon as it's done, you like, shut the fuck up. Like, I can't handle you talking. I don't even like you breathing.

Like, I remember I'd be next to chicks and I'd hear them, and I just, please, you shut don't even like you breathing. Like I remember I'd be next to chicks and I'd hear them, oh please, you shut the fuck up, stop breathing. Matur romantic. Yeah, well, and then, but you meet your chick, finally, my girl, I've known for years. And then all of a sudden it's like, I can be around, you can be around her.

I can be around my girl for days, weeks, and I never want to punch her in the face. We're compatible, that's it. We have fucking, I can fuck her and we're compatible. And then I fell in love with her. And I also think you become desensitized to different pussy. After a while, in the beginning, it's like,

oh shit, different pussy is the best. It's like performing comedy. Eventually, you're used to performing in different places. You're not nervous anymore when you go to a brand new fucking place. I don't know. I still love, listen, I was away in Rochester this weekend. And this club had my type of check.

I mean, there was so many. There was, yeah, exactly. Like a bitch with an overbite and an underbite. I and I twitch. Yeah, I mean, there was a lot of hot chicks up there that exact, but it's like, I still want to I see these girls. I'm like, holy fuck, I still want to play the game. I want to do the old. Hey, what's up? Blah blah blah. like, I still wanna, I see these girls, I'm like, holy fuck. I still wanna play the game. I wanna do the old, hey, what's up? Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I'm gotta go back to my hotel room, room two, blah, blah, blah.

And, you know, just keep pushing that button until they go, you know, get the fuck back here. But I know that after I'm done, I'm gonna be like, oh, fuck, you have so much energy still. I'm tired. I just wanna call my wife and go, what'd you do, nothing? You're supposed to do. Yeah, I mean, I know it is after a while, like I've been doing my chick for eight years.

Like, it's just, now a day I enjoy the attention that I could if I wanted to bang the chick and I'd drag off to that and then I'm done. It's the game. Part of it's the game. It's the game. I love just fucking the girl to say she would fuck me. That's awesome.

I mean, you, I mean, last, you could get some plus with your where you're at I mean with your with your rocks. I mean rock star you guys fucking party you have all kinds of stuff you guys do I mean it's not like I mean there's a lot of functions a lot of things I mean if I had a rock like I remember the guys at Maxim magazine used to have their business card They just pass it out and you don't even know if the guy worked there You know they just printed this shit up everybody worked at maximum at a point and they just passed these didn't get pussy and then I'm working at maximum oh and chicks would like to fuck up if you hand out a rock star video game you fucking get some pussy with that.

Grant of Thottah is the biggest video game of all. Who's that? Yeah, that was shit. I forgot you were there. The Marathi. Kelly, with that turn you're on somebody to give you a fucking video game, publishing company? I don't have the video thing.

Anything turns around. They don't have video games in Australia. I used to play in back in Australia because my roommate had one, so he used to play Santa and Dre and play time around. We've been running both. We got to do a grant that's going on in Australia. Just kill rabos. Why'd you do in an Africa? You're watching a fucking Africa.

You're doing from back in the day. You're doing on a bike. You're chasing a fucking dude on a giraffe. Catch AIDS. You can catch AIDS and kill it. Just slice a giraffe's neck. Watch it fold over. Fucking hit a curb.

Oh man. Fucking kill pigmies. Pick me from Amazon. I'm not from African.mies Pick me's not from different Amazon the Amazon No, it's not it's a fucking totally different country In the education Amazon is in a country and Africa is not a country either Africa is a fucking continent. You dummy Brazil I did man and I played Max the original Max pain and Max pain too and

There's only a couple I'm a call duty guy, okay? I like Multiplayer I like I like shooting motherfuckers. I just have for the last ten years Yeah, there is and it's it's fucking The thing about this game that's so fucking crazy to me that's kind of flips me out is that I wind up watching it, you know? Like back in the day, the only- Laura Croft and all that shit, please get me through this fucking story. Please, I need- I fucking hated it and some guy, what did you do over here? I've just been- I'm a fucker.

This game, Max Payne 3, I'm sitting there watching it like television. It's fucking awesome. It's like a fucking Michael Mann movie. The story mode's awesome. And what's even sadder is how much I'm identifying with Max Payne, I'm truly a drunk. I should stop drinking. I'm playing that game a hungover

after a night of drinking. And I fucking hate my life. And this is not the very subtle thing that they did that I have so glad they did, they made him older. They don't do that in games a lot. They just keep the same fucking cocksucker they literally age this guy to the point where he would be if it was where it's at and he's got but he's still got fucking muscles but he's not the same guy as he was

it's a fucking a lot of it goes into the bathroom and puts die on his beard that's a level you can do on that thing. Lou, this is on fire. Look at that. Lou, this is on fire. Buddy, still gay. Buddy, still gay. This dude is old, hey, day, wiggle in his shorts. Oh, God. I'm gonna fat my thighs, huh? Oh.

I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. It is, oh, boy. Dude, all right? On the power. I can't wait about easily. But it is.

And you've got this on hold of my eyes, this show? This has been a hundred, but not like this. This show actually started around a year and a half ago, I did it by myself on my iPhone. And then I did it, I would, and then I would interview people on the road, the comics, usually the middle or whatever on my iPhone. And then I moved on me and Joe DeRosa started doing it,

me and him every week on my iPhone. And then, those are the best. And then, and then I just started getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And now it's fucking me, Dan, Kelly, Louis stops. And this is first time on, he's kind of come on by himself next time. He just showed up today because he's a fucking hand-bone. And then you, we usually have one guest on,

a two guest on, and then it's just the regular. So it went from a cell phone to this. So it's pretty good. There's around 30,000, 35,000 people downloaded every week now. So it's getting pretty big. And then the network we're on too is a fucking pretty slamming network.

Dr. Steve is on it. Yeah. And Lewis Gomez has his, he has an MMA podcast. He's a big MMA fan and he has an MMA podcast He's a big MMA fan and he has a one of the one of the funniest coolest MMA podcasts out there is he's actually on the network too Oh rich boss and Bonnie um Who else Bailey J the fucking Gmail and we have flaunting Jim flaunting on it. We got a bunch of other guys too Well the Jersey jerks are fucking great Dr. Steve. Yeah, but we got a new one coming.

And I think I can announce it. I think I can announce it. It's, I'm fucking psyched. Announce it. The Davey Mack sports show. Hello. Is coming to the riot cast network. All right.

Huge. No way, really? Fucking huge. Yeah. Sports show. You don't know it. You don't know these side days. I don't want sports.

I want fighting. Fuck off. Yeah. It's, one of my favorite podcasts. I listened to this podcast before we even thought about getting them. I'm a, you know, you know East Side Day, I'm a big fan of East Side Day. So it's the new, I'm fucking ecstatic. And I mean, his show is, he's fucking brilliant

in a, in a, just a nut way. And he's got his own organist on the show. It's fucking stupid He has a guy who plays the organ so they're doing fucking baseball That's great why are you drinking tiny Coca-Cola's because arm bird As we get Oh, this is why I get cops Kelly. This is why everybody gets a cup with an ice with a lid. Remember we talked about this big Production when I came in I had to put my soda cup

You know, but here's the thing is I Tubby coke I I farm the shit out to fucking other people here that are on the show But somebody's getting dick so She's fucking not getting a responsibility like three ounce coach She's fucking not getting a responsibility like three ounce coach He's Dan Speaking of Dan it was your birthday the other day. Yeah, yes, it was your birthday. Happy birthday. He's 32 Sorry 29 We do you look 34. I'm weathered. Yeah in a max painstaking your forearms are 38

You look 34. I'm weathered. You're in a max painstown. Your forearms are 38. Yeah. That forearms were around to vote for right now. His body looks 50, his head looks 10, so it's like an average. Yeah.

And you had a party last night, and I wasn't even invited. I didn't have a party last night. You had a party. I'm not even, it was a party. You were there. It was like 24. You went. I went.

Me. Kelly. My girlfriend. She didn't invite me. Mickey's sister. She didn't invite me. You didn't invite me. Who else me Kelly my girlfriend she didn't invite me Mickey shit in fucking invite me you didn't invite me Who else was there? I don't like you fucking okay? Well there you go. I'll accept that Did you really who else was there Louis cats? Yeah, no, I just met him But so fucking my Robinson Patrice on Neil

Robinson Patrice O'Neill. Patrice Sous-House. Mike D'S The Farm, how? Dude, dude, you know what, dude? You know what, dude? What's that? Are you gonna say too soon? Ah, dude, listen, you know. You should've went Mike D'S The Farm of Then Patrice.

Okay, sorry. Watch it through our Greg Jeraldo one there, do you? You fuck out. That's why I hope you're a karma. Let me get hit by a bus today. I was really angry, Bobby. I was angry. I would say.

I love to wheel you into this podcast next time. Lewis and his dumb fucking halo. He's like, you want Arthur? Fucking Lewis. What'd you say, Kelly? I was just saying, I even talked to you. You didn't fucking invite me. It wasn't my birthday.

Whoa. Wow. So I can't go to the fucking thing. I wanted to even dare. I was there for 10 minutes and then I went to two different clubs afterwards. I was drinking, I was not in the mood. And he's better than me. You didn't fucking call me to say.

You didn't even call me to say happy birthday. Really? You know why I didn't? Because I fucking was walking to get your birthday present last night. So fuck you, dude. Well, first off, first off, it was only, I went to go see a free concert. There's no first off, but it wasn't a birthday party. There's no first off.

I was a fuck, this is what Jerry Vyneck. This is what Joe D'Rosa does every fucking year. No, no. D'Rosa was there. I swear to God, he was there. He called me during the day, said, dude, doing this thing, I'll call you later, I'll tell you what we're doing it.

Never called. Typical fucking D'Rosa, because he wants to be, he was probably the king of the party last night though, right? No, you showed up and bought me a drink And he came like 20 pounds. He's all dumpy There's a fucking dumpy fucking body on Joe Derosa Joe looks like Joe looks like a woman that Jeanine Gravigal will fuck Just this fucking Lesbo from Sam Fran that loves all comedy We're in have to go with fuck. You know what I mean? Just this fucking Lesbo from Sam Fran that loves all the comedy. We're in a tight sweater.

He should wear a bow tie all the time now with that fat little body. Joe doesn't look like he was drawn by Mike Judge. Wow. Wow. Go ahead, Kyle. How's it going, Kyle? I wish it wasn't.

It was actually not on fire anymore. I can't wait till they develop microphones when you bomb it blows up in your face Your name Yeah, I didn't fucking get to go but I did I did I did walk from my house To where I had to go which was a far way away to get your present Right for me and me and Kelly and everybody here at the in the fans So you want to give him his present? All right, here you go Dan. We got you Kelly got you the website last week website awesome What are you walked and then you walked you made it sound like you went to some no What's in it? What's in it? Oh shit? I did that's called that's called Apple

Dude, there's a million apples. Don, you made it sound like you went to some There's no other crafter. First of all place in the village. I walked a long ways First of all, I like that he's still I like that Lazar is still going with the joke Because he saw a card. He was like first of all you walked the Dwayne Reed then he had to switch it up on the fly when he saw the apple There's only one dummy that's open 24 hours, and last night I had to walk to it from 47th Street and ninth to 58th and fifth. I walked.

That's a good, that's a good, fucking hype. By the way, it's less than a mile. It's really not that much. It's not less than a mile, it's a mile and a half. It's a mile and a half. It's a long walk of your family. Three miles. Thank you very much for the gift.

How about that? Wait, how much is the card for? $100. Thank you. That's great, Bobby. Yeah, that's awesome. What did your other friends give you last night? Nothing. Yeah, I'll call.

I mean, who was it? I didn't know who wasn't fucking there invited last night to your party? I'm sorry. Fucking me. And Kelly, fuck you too. Yeah. Fuck you, Kelly.

I'm sorry, Bobby. No, it wasn't a party. You will be sorry when this friendship dies. Whoa. Yeah, yeah. Oh when this friendship dies. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, this friendship dies. This is a fighting. I'm happy. Thank you, buddy. You're welcome. You're going to get what are you going to get? I'm saying what are you going to get? I don't know yet. Really?

You're an alcohol, a new liver. I know you're not going to get an I'm pad, an aqua crow, an iPhone. No, we said you're going to get your iPhone. So I figured that could go towards your iPhone. I think I'm going gonna get an iPad, an MacBook Pro, an iPhone. No, we said you're gonna get your iPhone, so I figured that could go towards your iPhone. I think I'm gonna get an iPhone. You can buy a charger for your laptop. You gonna wait for the new one? Well, you get to, you get, you gonna wait to the phone? I don't know.

You should wait. September. Well, because he has no money, he's not a fucking millionaire, gazillionaire like you from selling that video game. You know, he doesn't have all that money in a fucking closet like you in Long Island. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm awful. Is it gonna be a big difference between the iPhone 4 and the iPhone 5? Yeah, there is. There's no fucking difference.

I'll tell you what it's gonna be. How do you know? You have an iPhone 3. Does she? I know. She has a round iPhone. Yeah, I got the first one. Came out in Australia.

Yeah, it just got. It's originally just the box with the whole thing. Is that even made out of aluminum? It's made out of wood. That's what I call wood, Kelly. A box with the whole thing. Whoa. It's the iPhone 4.

Is that a new thing you're doing? The sport? Yeah, what is that? How can I have never heard this before? You were attacking me today, very badly. That's because you fucking, that's because. What's going on? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey I was slapped I haven't slapped the girl since I was 13. I was standing outside and she comes up to me She's like waiting for somebody and I was like yes, it's fucking happened. I'm getting hit on

You at center So I was buzzing the door was coming in and standing like what like why I'm sorry We can have her blow you if you want that We can have a hand job from Lewis. Yeah, whatever you're in you if you can do it with the fruit boots on that We just met. Easy hammer fist. Yeah, sorry. Let's take me off in dinner first, as I say. Lewis will be better at the night. I'm not I'm not coming down on you today, but you've you've first of all you were late and I know the train. I can't control the trying. I can't control the trying. I'm trying you to be me or from there man. I'm fucking fast forward voice. Yeah, exactly.

You're just gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna

tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me you're Austin What was the old Indian Jay about Kelly for the former Fred Through the squad that used to carry the weight of a buffalo

And had the evil spirit beaver high For now she is skinny and like a new sunrise meeting the face of an eagle Oh, man much of man say Yeah Now she's small yeah, but she can't go to the top rope. Yeah A lot of flabby arms Yeah Give me back the present

Give it back the present I'm not coming down to you Kelly. It's just that you fucked up a couple times the drink thing the other thing And there's two other things that I forgot I was supposed to have a coffee waiting for me You really we supposed to have a coffee I was really I was True Kelly is that true Is it true? Every walked up the stairs I don't have your coffee Really Wow

She's really just fucking that's it. She's done. She's done. All right. See you later. You actually pay her. Yeah Really sometimes what you do when you're not Getting yelled at by Bobby eating Get dick Getting dick fucking black dudes and eating What Open mics What Open mics

Yes, that's all we're gonna do You go Shut up, I'm surprised even made it yet. I was gonna get hit black. Huh the way you were yesterday I like Kelly when she gets really mad. She just gets serious. Oh, fucking you. I hope you get hit by a car You're mad she just gets serious oh fucking yeah hope you get hit by a car you fucking you're not gonna get you stupid yeah I'm not happy doesn't get hit by a car yeah Jesus remember the voice you see what he was doing that that means he's kidding yeah yeah fuck you yeah yeah yeah himself yesterday no I didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you didn a way in one of these portability portability a piss I was I was was pissing in a portability and I was well wait wait why is

your doing away well you have to party we have inside plumbing yeah we were fucking it was a huge party yeah we had a portability is a right to fight you where was it it's the concert and the free concert last night no yesterday during the day oh whoa yesterday during the day you guys all went to a free content. Louis Katz and I went and these guys showed up.

Oh, how did they show up? You invited me three days before we talked. Wow. Louis's girlfriend likes the Alabama shakes, so I told her about it. Oh. And I was there with Gay Jo and you boarded me. Oh, how did you know that he was there though?

Cause you told me that he was there. Oh. Hey, hey, what are you doing? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I knew you were coming back from off the road and you're probably gonna be tired. Oh really, you assumed that, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,'m coming back from fucking Guam It is, you know, and I know you'd been out of the country for a while. Yeah, okay This this really this is just if you You doesn't matter you you and fucking you Dan very disappointed Patrick Lazlo I fucking like you guys very thanks for being a thank you for being a friend Patrick

Thank you, bro. I appreciate it. Yeah guys, very thanks for being a friend Patrick. Thank you bro, I appreciate it. Yeah, 10 years. And in Lazlo, thank you for being you. You're a very, you're one of the nicest people I know. Thank you for being a friend. You, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, You're hard as true, you're a proud and a confident, I'm talking about you, and you're a proud family.

If they do a party, when everybody everyone you knew, you won't see the biggest gifl we for me. And the card attached would say thank you for being friends. My baby, my baby. All right, Kelly, too much. I had too much. I'm sorry, Bobby. I love you.

Thank you for the gift. It's OK, dude. It's OK. I'll just have to. I had too much. I'm sorry Bobby. I love you. Thank you for the gift. It's okay, dude. It's okay I'll just have to I was very drunk Yeah, and I probably would have annoyed you with how drunk I was I like when you get drunk I tried to fist fight everybody walking down the street. No, I didn't you have no idea what a mess you were yesterday Yeah, you know, I've heard a couple stories that you were pretty fucked up last night. Yeah, I was that's good Dan. I'm glad therapy's working out anyway We're gonna take a break right now. We're gonna take a break down

You didn't black out what you do last night. I Don't remember all right goodbye. I will take a break We're gonna be right back with Lazloh Patrick from Prince humor Kelly Fistuka. This might be fucking day last day It might be it cuz maybe we'll see if he if Lewis gets his coffee What's your name again? Dave Dave. We're gonna I'm getting a neighbor. We're gonna And and monster voice who used to be a friend of mine is we'll be right back Hey, what's up Danny? Hi Bobby. We got new advertisers

Yeah, we got them, man. Let's go to the first one Amazon.com bro. You're really easy. Go to rikast.com, backslash robber Kelly. You're gonna see a little Amazon button there. Just click on that Amazon button before you shop and that way boom, you're helping out the family. Here's the deal. All the stuff we talk about on tech talk, you can get off on Amazon. You can get anything on Amazon. Anything you want, if you're gonna buy it, buy it on Amazon, but do us a favor. You wanna support the You Know What Dude podcast?

Go to our website, go to our website, ricast.com, Robert Kelly, and hit the Amazon button on my page. On the You Know What Dude page on Riyacast. And buy from there. We're gonna make some cash. It charges you nothing. It costs you nothing. my page on the you know what dude page on riot cast and buy from there we're gonna make some cash it charges you nothing it costs you nothing it's just a way for you to support you know what to podcast and get what you want off

am I you want to get a DVD maybe buy a book you can't find you want to get a iPhone case maybe you we talked about on tech talk or maybe some headphones or go right yeah boom go right the right case.com Thanks for having Kelly fucking hit the amies on button. We're fucking dancing So again, thanks for supporting the show by going to ridecast.com slash Robert Kelly and click the Amazon button Before you shop next time you buying something on the intramonette go to that page and buy it from there I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it too from now on that page and buy it from there. I'm even gonna do it. I'm gonna do it too. From now on, I'm gonna do it. I'm supporting the show by going to fucking the ratcast.com slash Robert Kelly and hitting that Amazon button right there. And did this fucking next one. Oh, you know we always talk,

you know, obviously we talk about video games a lot. We do. This is fucking awesome. Gamefly.com is a new sponsor of the, you know what? Dude podcast. I love it. Let me say the right. Sponsor of the, you know what? Dude podcast. That's better. Yeah, you did better.

That's coming along. Well, you should. Gamefly and good fun. I'm the birthday. Well, hey, come on. What do you get then? Only right class listeners can make it free 15 day to discover a $22.95 value for free.

That's crazy. If you like it, you keep it. If not, cancel it and it's free. 15-day two-disc trial. Go to GameFlight.com, backslash, YKWD. That's right. You want to hook us up again. We're trying to get stuff that you can support the show and also get your stuff. Get stuff for you. Gamefly.com, it's just like Netflix. You get your games, they ship them to you. And for right now, if you go to Gamefly.com, YKWD, you get a special offer.

You get 15 days, two disc offer for 2295. The 2295 value. That's pretty crazy. It's pretty awesome. It's awesome. Gamefly.com. If you're a gamer, it's a great... You don't have to go buy the game and spend $80.00. Now, some of these games are fucking nuts. You can go try it out, make sure you like it before you buy it. And so I think you can buy it off a game fly too. So go to Gamefly.com. You can support the show and play your video games and be a fucking nerd in front of the TV while you're playing some Max Payne 3,

Ghost Recon or Special Ops. Every game in the world is out there on Gamefly. You have it shipped right to your house, play it, return it, get a new game. And right now if you go to Gamefly.com slash YKWD And that's where you're gonna get this special offer and you'll be supporting the show So make sure you do that support our sponsors because they support us do it do it. I love you guys Gamefly.com

Let's really know you're fucking just you really have fucking nothing to do. Yeah, just a mediocre middle life When you can just play a full video game I really have fucking nothing to do. Just a mediocre middle life, when you can just play a full video game. What are you talking about? I got, I don't have the time to fucking play. I know, you're lucky. I don't have a fucking time to play. I want to play that game so bad.

Busy with so bad. I got a lot of shit going on. I'm fucking, I mean a ton of shit going on. I don't just do a show and go to fuck home and go to parties and drink. When you talk, I looked at your calendar to try to find out, because I don't just do a show and go to the fuck home and go to parties and drink. When you talk, I looked at your calendar to try to find out,

because we were gonna have a Max Payne party on the roof, right, multiplayer kind of thing where you can shoot Bobby in the face. Yeah. And I looked at your calendar, there's chasms of time. I don't understand what the fuck. Yeah, but I don't just do stand up. There's chasm at times for a reason.

Right, I have other shit I have to do. Jack, I'm like, I have to go to the KFC bathroom. What do you think I just do stand up? Is that what you think I do. I have other shit. I have to do jack off of the KFC bathroom What do you think I just do stand up? Is that what you think I do? I don't know I'm telling you what I'm actually telling you I don't okay. I do other shit. I have other shit going on I did I turn your mic off Now you hate yourself I didn't even fucking turn your mic down

We've done that. Just uploaded. I didn't even fucking turn your mic down. I used to play video games all the time. I used to finish, I mean, I remember we were true, we should finish a game in like two days. Laura Claw, Crafth, that type of shit, Tomb Raider. We'd go from front to back in two days. We used to do a medal of honor.

All that shit. I can't finish. I don't play Call of Duty anymore. I mean, I was the guy that if you, if I would look at you and if you haven't been on and if it said days next to your, I would delete you because you're not, I don't want you near me. Because if you haven't played video games

and days go fuck yourself, I would just delete you off my friends list. Now I look and it's been fucking, I can't, I can't, I can't get it and plus you have a fucking wife and it's like, it's nice to out, let's go for a walk. I'm like, all right, I can now to play my video None of those things hold me back. I remember those days. It was fucking brilliant. Enjoy them in fucking None of those things. Joy them love or talent

Yeah, I love I don't have either or I used to like playing them I used to be able to play on a computer screen but with a fucking keyboard Fucking WSAD, Shifke, the fucking arrows. I got so good at that too. I remember when I first started playing, I used the controller,

but then I started playing the video games. What was it? Doom. Sojour a fortune. And Doom. Fucking odd dude. No, but what was the other word? It's the quake.

Quake was the fucking quake with the shit. Remember mini quake? They used to make their own maps, these fucking lunatics would make maps and it was a small like you were a little tiny dude in a kitchen and you could run inside the microwave and go into a toaster and hide behind a cup. I missed that level. They did their own fucking maps, these fucking lunatics would make their you had to you had to find them and then download them to your computer

Yeah, and then you could be literally you'd be up on a fucking countertop next to a coffee mug And you'd see the dude running on the floor like a little ant Like and then he'd go over by a broom and he'd hide behind the broom and your way from to stick his head out behind One of the broom little fucking stay in back. And then the microwave, if he was in it, you could hit on and it would fry him. That's pretty awesome. Yeah, it was a lot of crazy shit.

Quake was this shit. I miss Quake. So you're saying because you're married, you don't play games. No, I just have other shit I have to do, man. Doesn't seem to go to sleep. No, I just have shit I have to do, man. I can't, I go to sleep now.

I go to, I went to bed at like one o'clock last night't I go to sleep now. I go to I went to bed at Like one o'clock last night because I'd wake up at seven to go to the fucking gym Then I had to go to my acting teacher and he's actually coming here and then I got to do this podcast and then I have What what what is acting teacher anyway? No, but what I don't know I want to know I want to laugh too, Lazlou You can't just psycho laugh by yourself You fucking elitist cunt You can't just fuck you dude don't just psycho laugh when it bombs just just like oh anyways

What what the fuck was it? You can't play video games because you have to go to your acting class. Yeah, I have an acting class that's called fucking acting I get it so you're trying to get into Like TV Yeah, yeah That's what we fucking do last. Oh, what do you think we do? Do you think we just fucking do comedy? Yeah, rock and roll It's not the 80s you fucking dig shit. I was like trying to get into a fucking shitty TV. Yeah fuck all that Hollywood shit shitty TV show fuck all that Hollywood shit

Oh Fuck getting Medicaid insurance not almost as a fucking day job you fucking asshole you got fucking Medicaid insurance I have sag I don't have it. I don't know what the fuck it is I have I have sag insurance that if I don't make a certain amount in television or film, I have to pay out of my asshole. If I make a certain amount every year, I have my dental and medical. Yeah, and it's fucking important when you're 40, dude.

If you don't have medical and dental, that's some sad shit. So you're saying that you're gonna be come famous so that you can have healthcare care no I have to fucking get acting gigs like it's a job to me I have to get on television to actually get to make a certain amount of money to pay my fucking bills and to take care of my family yes I mean I don't I do comedy and fucking acting I mean you're making it sound like that's our most ridiculous thing. Every fucking guy you know,

Norton fucking Vosmy, that's all we're trying to do is get on fucking TV or get something more than just comedy. You're out of your fucking mind. If you think being on television or getting a TV show is somehow a fucking cop out, that's the whole thing. That's a cop out of season.

As you said, you said it was acting. You're with an acting T.I.D.I.D.I with an acting acting t. I don't know well you have to go to the air what do you just you just know how to act is that what you think no that's what are you what are you a fucking hippie you see but you see the right on fucking lucky Louis yeah but because I went to acting class and I fucking I know what I'm doing because of somebody help me that's why I know what I'm doing you know just go with the many people you see

you know what comics have you know what I'm doing. You don't just go with, there are many people you see. You know what comics have? You know what the problem with comedians are? And you'll ask any casting director, comics can't fucking act. That's the rumor, that's the thing that goes around about all comics is that comics suck at acting. That's why comics don't get a lot of shot at roles that are out there, because we have a reputation that precedes us,

that we suck. And you know what, a lot of us do because they don't go to acting classes, they don't learn the fucking skill of acting. It's not comedy in acting, two different fucking things. Comedy acting? Wait, I did theater. You know how it was to actually be funny

with somebody else's writing when it's not your shit. But I just, you and the, just the idea of you, what kind of theater, Shakespeare? No, you know what, you know what, you know what, I'm not doing Shakespeare, I'm not doing Shakespeare. You don't have to, when you do acting classes, you don't have to do Shakespeare. What do you think I have to go in and,

Tis the, no, you're fucking idiot. I would be funny if you did though. No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I honestlyed the fucking No, because you laughed when you said you know because of the way you said it and then you fucking blew it off Fuck you just because you you you're not gonna get away with shit if I'm gonna yell at this fucking homo Acting acting school you have to go to acting class I and then you but you said acting is bullshit. That's what you said.

Being on TV, stupid TV show is stupid. Hollywood and that whole fuck. You can't even be a comic anymore without doing something beyond just stand up. I mean, I'm not living. I mean, you wanna be on TV, right? Oh yeah. You wanna be on TV.

Most of my fortunes selling delicious hard-gathering. No, but you wanna be on TV. Yeah, fuck it. You wanna be on a TV show, right? I've been acting class recently. Fuck the fuck. Yeah, it's not as easy as you think. TV. Yeah, fucking. You want to be on a TV show, right? I think class recently, fuck the sucked. Yeah, it's not as easy as you think. It's uncomfortable, dude.

Here's the thing, I deal with actors all fucking day long and a lot of them are psychopaths. That's what you're coming from. Yeah, that's what you're coming from. I'm as a director, because that's mostly what I do, is I write scripts and I direct town. We think what you do stinks. You're the fucking dickhead and hold us all back.

If you are one job away from paying your medicaid or whatever the fucking sag, they call me and I'll find some good. Let me tell you some right now. I'll fucking set you straight on this. Patrice let his fucking medicaid laps. Okay, he had sag and he didn't fucking pay it, okay? And that affected his family, that affects people.

You understand what I'm saying? So when shit happened, I'm gonna tell you something. When shit happens, when you get to a certain age to have Medicaid, when I hurt my knee, if I didn't have fucking, nobody paid for that. Nobody, tourgasm, HBO, nobody gave me a dime, no, not a fucking dime for that. I tore my ACL, had to get two surgeries.

I had insurance, I had medical insurance through SAG. That's the only thing that saved my life. I would have fucking been fucked financially if I didn't have medical insurance, honest to God. So that shit's, to me, very important. If you can get it through SAG by booking some gigs, fuck yeah, you should do that. For the last five years, six years, I've had it

because I've been fortunate enough to be okay, talent-wise, acting to book a gig. Do you know the odds of booking a gig off an audition are fucking astronomical? You understand that. And now, especially with fucking, back in the day, movie stars or movie stars and TV stars or TV stars, that's gone.

After the strike and there's no more work out there, there's nothing out there for people. Notice that these big stars are on TV now, making the fucking coin getting set for life. All the jobs that were for us, the TV shows, that were for new actors, to showcase new talent, the movie stars are fucking going up against you now. So those jobs are fucking gone.

So the book at gig on TV is fucking nuts, first place. And then to be a comic, why don't you have comic next to your name, you're fucked there too. They don't want to hire comedians. They want to hire a dude who went to Giulia order, Yale Yale who has some fucking theater behind him and has a fucking resume of, oh my god, acting. They're not gonna hire me when they see shuckle-huts and fucking, you know, the stress fat three and then fucking, you know, that just goes against you. So fuck yeah. I think that acting is, but you're coming

from it because you deal with actors, which which are The worst agent agents actors and agents the worst a worst people on the planet. Asians are agents Actors of fucking the you know is the worst actors is Background actors Background Asian actors. Because here's the thing, those people really, really, they make a living off of $100 a day or just being in the background, never, ever, ever saying a fucking word, never, ever fucking having that opportunity.

Just mining a good meal in the background. He's in carrots and carrots. There's a point that happens in their head that they say, fuck it, I'm doing this and I'm gonna do it great. I'm gonna be the best. And they know every sag rule, they know every meal that if you fucking go over

you get more money, if they make you do this you get more money. If you, like when I was on that CBS show, I was a paid actor. I got, I figured what they call it, weekly rate, okay, which is good money, okay, and then there's these people, these background people, if they say, if they say anything, yeah, it's $100 a day. If they say anything, five words or more, they get what I get. So they're always trying to fucking say something or get the director to go, yeah, say that. Because once they do that, they get fucking paid.

You know what I'm saying? So I had this line, I kept saying this shit and this girl kept trying to talk over me because the director said, just bust this guy's ball and she kept saying stuff after me, hoping that they, and then finally one of the producers walked up and whispered to somebody, tell her to shut the fuck up. Because she's, yeah, because they don't, not gonna pay her fucking money. They were like, no, you don't talk. You're a blockie, Metcale.

You're a no talkie. So yeah, those fucking people are nuts. I almost got attacked by 30 background actors. What in an alley? Well, it was, they made- There he is, get him. They made, they had a transport going back from Harlem at around one in the morning to Penn station to go back. So I was getting on this to get the fuck back to where we had,

I had to go, right to go home. And I forgot my belt, so I ran, this one we were shooting the pilot, I had to find my belt and the prop lady fucking wasn't around. So I, it took around 20 minutes., this one was shooting the pilot, I had to find my belt and the prop lady fucking wasn't around, so it took around 20 minutes and the bus was waiting for me. But I was like a player, actually, it had to wait for me.

It couldn't just fucking take off, so I come out and there's a bald dude, a black dude, and a bunch of women waiting and they walked up and they go, are you the actor? And I went, what do you mean? And like, we're waiting for you, okay? This is a penalty of this and this is that and you should have more respect and I go, dude,

go fuck yourself. I go, I'm not a, what are you, I don't know what you're talking about, I had to get my belt. What do you want me to leave? I don't give a fuck, leave, I'll take a cab. I don't. And they were just fucking started throwing all these rules at me

and all the stuff I broke, union shit. And I had to go on the bus and everybody's just whispering about what a fucking cunt I was. I heard about that. They told me about that. For Keeney. They were all at Dan's birthday party. I invited all your IMDb the entire past.

I'm so glad you didn't call Bobby. One time he left his belt He broke 18 sex You guys not want me there cuz I don't drink no Yeah, I thought of that no is it because I don't I don't drink. Yeah really she was there. Yeah I know what the fuck I don't know I don't know I don't know You don't like it. I love you. We're friends with friends on the show. No, we're friends You're working associates. I just booked you on a couple of my gigs. They call me but you want Dan on I was like yeah, yeah, I have to think of rethink that okay,. Do we have to rethink that? No, we don't.

I am always available. I'll let you know when I'm up. Stay away from my man. He's cheating. Stay away from my man. No, I literally was like, I told Lewis that I was going and I went and just had some drinks. I was just going to go be drunk. So I didn't think of like inviting a bunch of people to go.

Well, I'll just, I'm going to tell you what Alan told me to say. All right? It hurts. I'm sorry. You hurt my feelings. And you don't want to apologize? No, it hurts. And I'm not gonna accept your apology right now. Okay, because that hurts too. So I'm gonna let you just sit with the heart that I'm giving you right now. I'd hurt that you didn't invite me to the the the concert that's right in my house. You guys gonna be talking about each other in therapy now? I'm breaking this up tomorrow morning. I'm gonna, I have, you have them in the morning.

We're going to the same therapist. Do you want to throw that down the fucking room? Fucking faggot. You're gonna throw the therapist you fucking fool. You take acting class and therapy, you suck, dick. Well, I can't imagine having time to play video games because I'm too busy in therapy and acting classes. It just isn't really, Well, it's just brand money. Writing a book, too. I'm too busy in therapy You're acting classes just isn't really let's just brand money writing a book

I'm writing a book to I'm finishing a book. Don't worry. Yeah, can I write the intro? You want to read it? Do you want to give um you want to give a blurb? Sure, I'll blurb Yeah, you don't have to read the and order to write a book now Yeah, I'm for it dude honest to God you that. You say that the worst part about writing a book is having to fucking read. When you're writing it, it sucks. It's really hard. But when you get into a groove,

all of a sudden you're just looking at the word count. I gotta get to 20,000 words. And just keep going and going. And then people read it, no, that's really good. You're like, great, psyched and they do the edit. But then you actually have to read the shit And it's like months later and you're done

So I had to read it like twice and it was fucking just this fuck you So it's the worst. It's the worst read having to write a book. You have to read it fucking blows worst part about the book Worst part. Well, you don't edit. We have an editor. We're with Simon and Schuster, fucking they're they're incredible, but you have to you have to they they make you you know, I thought that you wrote it and you just gave it to a dude who was way smarter than you and he just made it a book and they kind of don't do that. They're kind of like right. I think they would do that with famous like somebody. Yeah, like the Keith Richards book. Yeah, they'd do that with him, but you know me, Joe DeRose, and Billy Burr, it's like, yeah, yeah, take this back and say yes

and no to all this shit, you know, it's like fuck. It was, it was, you know, I'm excited to read the book though. Yeah, it's a Colin Reddy says it's godless. That's what he said, it's just godless. I mean, it's funny, but it's like that's not where we're going for I mean, we were kind of going for is it is it funny? Yeah, it's funny, but yeah, I have a happy ending. He No, it's it's a book about it's a it's called cheat a man's guide to invadility It's a how-to how to cheat and get away with it and it's from our movie our short movie that we made that was in Tribeca cheat and It's you know, it's pretty... And if you cheated on your wife?

No, not my wife, but I've cheated on my girls. I've cheated on every girl ever. I mean, that was my thing. I wouldn't, if I had a girlfriend, fuck it, a cheat, it didn't matter. And you got caught? I got caught. I got caught a few times.

Yeah, I got caught. But I didn't get caught more than I got caught because I caught I got caught a few times. Yeah, I got caught but I I didn't get caught more than I got caught because I was I learned how to be a professional Professional at this way, we should write a book. Um, um, we we just I don't know if we're professionals But we just learned how it's just in this business you You just fuck so much you meet so much pussy doing comedy over the years that And it's crazy pussy too is it is if any girl that's in the front row saying I want to fuck the neurotic guy up There's gotta be out of a fucking mind, right? It's not normal. Yeah, yeah I get some pretty awesome normal hot chicks, but you have a girlfriend. Oh, yeah, I never mind

What is it? You get a lot of tail when I don't get I don't get it anymore I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Yeah, there's a little power though. You got one guy in the front of like what He's not saying anything but I I have no mic holder for him so he's been holding this Barber for fucking 45 minutes I just looked over at him away. I was just looking at me like this trying to be respect really doesn't like he's gonna Burst his own people in the Dude, I fucking got caught cheating on my ex girlfriend Caitlin. I mean fucking hard dude

I was I was fucking this like little 18-year-old Joe as chick who like worked for me at the time because I was run street teams That's just how that of the girl of time and remember she oh dude, she's hot. She's crazy. So fucking She she saved one of our conversations like our chat conversation She said I'm just in there like I hate Caitlin fuck her your way better. Do she just fucking sent her everything? Dude like everything I remember what's funny is I was cheating on Caitlin with another girl at the time I was fucking in this girl's place getting a blowjob and I get a phone call from her She's like you're fucking Mandy and I was like what oh I didn't hang up. I just hung up That's what I did.

Oh, I lost the call, that's weird. Brutal, dude. Yeah, and it's a whole different age now. Back in the day, you could cheat. And first of all, way back in the day, you could cheat and just tell you, check, shut your face and go cook me some dinner. Yeah, I fucking bang the name, shut up.

But now, smackered with technology is a whole different fucking animal. I mean, I went through that. Back when I used to, it was at my prime at cheating, you didn't have cell phones, you didn't have Twitter or Facebook, you didn't have mice, you didn't have anything. So it was a lot easier to get away with shit.

If you wanted to make a phone call, you had to go to a fucking pay phone. There was no trail. Now you're fucked. It's so hard to get away with something because any little tweet and even all these little fucking Ims and the stuff you do it's all somewhere Someone can get it. I had a friend of mine who fucked with somebody cheated with somebody on Instagram I sure a lot of them remember that shit. Yeah, he didn't know that his girlfriends friend knew

Where those little chats were hidden inside of your computer. The chat logs, they keep them. Whoa, those are just. Yep, yeah, they exist. And then she found them, she goes, oh yeah, check this out. Boom, boom, bang, boom. I want to fucking suck you dick. I want to fucking eat you pussy.

And it's dated. So it's fucked. Yeah, time stamped. Relationship. That's the best big J story is when he cheated on his uh, fucking wife with that chick and she fucking took a fat naked picture of him and put it up on Craigslist. Saddest greatest story ever. You've never cheated on your girl. No, you've never cheated on a girl. No. See that's either I'll tell you what he is right now either he is either he's the he's a fucking professional cheater, which is rule number one.

Just shut your fucking mouth and you never tell anybody anything or he's actually like one in a million of you have your parents Still together. No, fuck no. I really where you from Oklahoma Oklahoma. Shit. That's a fucking shit kick and state. And you never cheated on a guy. I got cheated on it was the worst thing ever. It was a worst and I said I would never fucking do that to anybody. You got cheated on please tell me this. Yeah, I was engaged. You're a kid. Oh shit. I was engaged and got yeah and it was in. She was taking some college classes. Oh, they're calling it and she was. She was like, she's like, I've made some great new friends. This is the first. Oh, I've made some great new friends. This is the first stuff.

I've made some great new friends that I've been hanging out with on campus and stuff and we're going to meet them at the club and all this. And we went to the fucking club and I just saw the fucking chemistry between her and this other guy. And she's like, oh, all my new friends are going to come over to the house and we'll do some drugs and hang out. And so then I'm fucking. You shouldn't have been marrying this girl.

She's going to the club and doing drugs. Well, I was doing drugs with her. Yeah. So then I was high as fuck. And I was just watching her fucking body chemistry. And after these people left, she came over and started screaming, what's your fucking problem? Why were you so mean to him?

I go, because you're fucking him. She goes, you're high. I'm like, high can be. Listen, I'm fucking very lucid right now. You are fucking him. Instincts. Instincts. And she's like, maybe we should spend some time apart. You don't trust me at all. So then I just. I can be listen, I'm fucking very lucid right now you are fucking him instincts instincts And she's like maybe we should spend some time apart

Oh So then I just She admitted fucking you know when you were putting her on the table put her on the table like nothing so then so and we'd live together So then I went back to and crashed with my old roommate for a couple days and then after two days I just drove over to the house and his fucking car is Oh Yeah After two days I just drove over to the house and his fucking car is I want to add hurts Making me I'm gonna punch my girlfriend and I was rib tonight when I get home just for you I just I just listen to shanado counter over and over. Did you go in the house?

I went knocked to the door and she she came to the door freshly fucked I mean she probably just come about ten seconds ago I'm gonna'm the door Oh Hey get that pussy back That's my pussy I just wrecked That that pony damn motherfucker That white boy the ponytail she's like last look couldn't ripped. Is that that, is that that ponytail motherfucker? Is that that white boy depoted out?

She's like, last look, couldn't fuck for shit. Oh, hey. Hey. I was here before. Can I say something? Can I say something about, there's that, there's a time frame when a girl goes to college. When she's here with you and doing her life

and then when she goes to college, it's because that same exact shit happened to me. When women realize that there's a whole world out there, because there's your hometown, your mom, your little community, your theater, you know, and you guy, and that's your life. When you realize that there's a whole world out there, when you go to college, it opens something up in you

that almost frees you like, wow, and you meet other people and other guys and other races and other races and all The shit my girl did the same thing. I had it my first girl forever when I got sober Kristen Foley Fufus. I used to call her Fufus fucking loser she we went out. I fucking loved her and She she went to college and I remember I was air-bushing, I was going to art school at the time

and I had an air-brush system. And I was like, what the fuck? Who the fuck am I? Who the fuck am I? Who am I? We're in a tank time. Just kidding. Drawing to come here, oh.

But I wasn't a good art. It's like a sick car. It's like a pathetic, I have to draw you. I wasn't even good though. You know what I mean? I'm like, you sure took the mole. Like the letters weren't all the same, same. You know, when I did a name, like one letter would be small. And sometimes if you're getting make them like all capital except for one,

I'd fucking make one lower case. I sucked at it. But I made, that's actually what she's doing on you. You gotta fucking, she joined a sorority Oh, it's over. She's a cum dumpster She yeah, she actually goes I go I'll make you I'll make you guys t-shirts Oh, and I made the sorority logo, and I made their fucking failure And I made my dude. Oh my oh my god. They're probably laughing about it.

Is the shirt to clean the come off your stomachs, dude? Ha, ha, ha, ha. I love that he's using his mic just to laugh. She used it like a napkin in the corner of her mouth. Ah, just hand me that shirt, my fucking boyfriend in Boston. Oh, right. I was on this shirt. It was the SIEF-5, some kind of work.

Kappa, gigma, fucking, I fucking hate sororities. Some of something like that, and their little logo, their little SIEKappa, FAPA, fucking FIPA. And then I made a look around 20 shirts. I had an airbrush. It took me five days. I had a hairbrush. With the airbrush, it was fucking amazing. No, there's such thing as silk screening.

Oh, I just did. Just did you do one design? I was a little pro. Yeah, a little better than I thought. So, what did you do? It was, and it wasn't even just one color. It was like a bunch of colors. And it came out.

It was, it was, I don't even think they used them because I was, I told you, I wasn't that good. So I made, I tried to make a stencil. It was a fucking nightmare. But I remember she was going. So I tried to make a stencil, it was a fucking nightmare, but I remember she was going to a hockey game to support the hockey team. Ah, she was, yeah, support the hockey team. And then I just instinctually, I was in an A meeting

and I called her up and I was like, she wouldn't answer the phone. And I, there's something going on. And just as a fucking guy, I believe that we know you can't prove it in court. If they deny it, you'd be a fucking asshole. But we instantially know when there's something fucking just a little bit wrong with our relate when she's doing something fucked up. And I knew and same thing. I just knew it. And I finally got into I go, you're fucking around. And she was like, you're nuts. You're crazy. And she put it all on it. And I finally got into, I go, you're fucking around. And she was like, you're nuts, you're crazy.

And she put it all on me. And then I was like, maybe I am. And then I found a number. I went through a purse, went to the bathroom. And I took out numbers and Steve. And I go, who Steve? The fucking who I clocked and I watched. Oh, fuck you.

We been in a nice shirt. We love his shirt. You're kidding me. That's fucking real shirts, Barbie. She said it was for cousin, Steve. And I was like, should I- You remember your cousin's name? You had to write his name on a piece of fucking paper?

That was a good point. Didn't even think of it back then. I just bought it because I just- I just- I didn't even think of that. You're blinded by your love for her. You had to write Steve. What the fuck?

That's a good point. I just took it, but then I found out that she was banging Steve, the fucking, oh, and it was so good looking and in shape. And with this, when I met her, I was fucking great. But when you fall in love with a broad, you start, I remember, we would fuck all the time. We would fuck crazy fuck. I mean, one of the reasons why she liked me is because I ate her asshole on the first date.

Yeah! Aspholbombing. Whoa! Oh, the nine needs my good to you, my friends. And uh-huh. Uh, before it was on, let's kill the kissing. It was in a toilet. It was in a hatchback.

Did it come on, Jesus? Remember hatchbacks? I asked in a hatchback. Yeah, and then, uh. And then, I was bending over the passion to save. Oh, it was great. I'm a hatchback. I'm a hatchback. I'm a hatchback. Yeah. And then I'm bending over the passion to say, I was great. I fucking picked on and licking. You know, she was in the front seat and I picked her legs up and just a little piece of

her ass hole was showing. And I licked it. She went nuts because no one ever fucking touched her ass hole. And her head. I got a punch. I got a punch. See, she touched it. I did.

Oh, this is your toucher asshole. I heard somebody, the first time I had a chick's ass hole, she had her own apartment. Is that how your tooth died? Yeah. It broke off. It broke off. So I, you go to her bathroom to wash my mouth out the work,

and I lift the toilet, and she had all these logs left. Right after. Right after. I go to her bathroom to wash my mouth out the other work and I live to toil it and she had all these logs left Right after Fucking she had she had fucking pods lay on the shiqobel shits before I ate her asshole Before eating a girl I didn't know he didn't know if it was like a different taste my first time eating this I can never see shit Because you have to walk your ass after you shit So it's a toilet paper covering. It must've been backed up

or something. Because toilet paper cover. See, she wasn't leaving. No, this girl didn't wipe her ass. That's the point. I'm gonna put it in my face. Great, and she put me in the clean break because she had to put me in a nice clean ass.

I mean, what's so weird is that your mentality was to go the other way and go, I'm never doing that to somebody. And my mentality was, I'm doing it to every bitch I knew. I mean, I verbally said that. When I found out she was fucking Steve, Steve. And I was in, I was, I was Steve.

Dude, I was in a library writing poetry. I'll try to, I have some of these poems. You got to, you got to, you got to. You got to, you got to, you got to. I remember one of these poems I wrote. I think one of the lines was, the clouds in my coffee was one of the lines. I think Dude, I have some fucking thing. I don't know. I'll get this poem dude. This one poem.

And this is the worst time when you bring when you when you're I was in the library I wrote this poem and it rhymed. It was great. And I remember I gave it to I was like here and I had you have to have somebody read it and they read it and they would just like like yeah that's bad. I was expecting, here, and you have to have somebody read it. And they read it, and they were just like, yeah, that's bad. I was expecting like, this is amazing. You have a talent, Ron. Lewis knows that, is actually what it's all about. Oh yeah.

Can you begin and get the dance read in your Bobby? It's like, the class in my coffee. Oh, dude, I will find this poem. Dude. But I remember, I was so, dude, it affected him. It was so, dude. The mystery finds that poem. And I was fat because my point was, we were, I was so fuck dude it effect him. It was so damn these three finds that poem And I was I was fat because my point was is we were I was in shape. I was gonna ask that this was third fat

I think this was third fat Bobby. I got fat when I got sober I was fat when I was a kid and this was third this was fat. This was fat. Goth Bobby I remember because we were at the point in the relationship where we were, I remember we were under a tree on a hot day eating tuna melts and sharing a small pizza. That's the worst thing. So we went from the heat.

I went from eating your ass in a hatchback to just fucking animals eating in the sun and taking naps. So she met Steve and Steve probably fucking was me a year and a half ago eating her fucking asshole. She's probably cheated on Steve. I guarantee she cheated on her guy. She was engaged when I met her. Do you still, are you like on Facebook with her or no?

No, I don't talk to anyone. Dude, we gotta find her, we gotta get Steve to call into the show and talk about what it was like to fuck your girlfriend at the time Yeah, what a fucking Yeah, she I mean we actually this is what happened Steve turned out to be the coolest guy. Awesome. Here's what happened We want about you. We fucking went full circle two years later. I started comedy, right and acting sorry

I started, uh, you traded in the fucking paintbrush for the, uh, microphone. I did, I really did. I was a shitty artist. I, I started doing comedy and then I got shredded. I mean, the best shape I've ever been in. I remember due to the gym when,

how did you get your stomach like that? That's how, like, I mean, I, I wish, I wish. In the back. That's when I I mean I Wish I should have done all my Covert in my giz How'd you get that?

So I I got really cut and in shape after like a year or two after and then I was in comedy and then she went to one of my shows And I was fucking killing it and I was shredded and she got fatter Yeah, I guess and I think Steve dumped her and then she was but we became friends at that point And I was just like fuck she wanted to hook up. I was like, God go fuck yourself. It ain't happening It ain't happening Fufus isn't having those lips on her butthole anymore. I bet she's a fatty right now. I remember she had no chin I'm like groupie face. You know the groupie face hot buddy. Well, I you know, I kind I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, again and then I was like, you know what? I can't be this guy anymore. I just don't have it in me. It's too, you know, taxing it is the Cheat on Bronze? It's just much easier to jerk off.

It is much easier. It's so much easier. My endout rubbed one out. That's my motto. Yeah. I wish I had acid. I'd throw it at you right now. When endout, run one out.

We got it from him. Right. You have the rhyme at Asshole. You don't cheat on your girl. No, I met her when I had nothing, not that I have much now, but I had no money at all. Yeah, Patrick's girls way harder than him. There's no way she way out of my league. And she's like the perfect woman. She indulges me in everything. Really? Yeah. Indulges you. What do you mean? She's your ass. What does indulged you shower whatever I want sexually.

It's just amazing. So I better be you know I'm not you said she says I'll all indulge you. No, you know, I get a gross man and she about right. You're dirty. Can I shut the pray thing? Can I shut up your chest?

I'll indulge you. I'll indulge you. I have no point. Yeah, come on. I just I don't know if I like the word indulged. Yeah. I don't know if I like you using indulge. Yeah, I don't know if I like you using it I think if Dan Laszlo or

To treat what's your name Dave Dave Dave we're gonna have you back on just you all right David actually has a brand new comedy club opening so it's weird because we're at the comedy seller That's where we're loyal to this club. This club, the owner actually gave us a studio and they're opening up a comedy club. And I invited him on, because I've been friends with him for a year through Cream Chumour.

They've always supported my comedy. And I wanted you on, because you support the show. You love the show. You know what? I shouldn't be saying the only podcast I listen to. I got clients who don't. I don't even fucking listen to.

Jesus Christ. Hey, you might know what? I'm not editing that, so. I don't I don't edit anything so go fuck yourself, but um and he came in today and the owners were downstairs. No, I'm an avid downstairs and the first thing this fucking mush Mark says he just goes we're opening up a club up the street What do you guys out? I thought he knew it. What do you guys up to? Like a wink wink. And I was like, oh, it has been out there a little. What are you up to? Means why are you in his house?

Like you're in your home. It's up to shit on his. He'll save right now. Yeah, this is his fucking house. We're not directly on the block. To typical club owner saying. He gave us his blessing if that matters And that's good. What's the name of the club? It's gonna be called the stand in York City

And when is the opening we're looking at end of July Is that no-one texting you? Actually, Bert Christcher he has a TV show too last I know he's a fucking cock suck and sell out, but He's doing it. He's in town. He's doing a show on I did the fucking wherever the at another club that I won't mention because I'm not an asshole like you fucking to yeah we have we are gonna club the street brand-new it's got a stand we're gonna put you out of business I'm sorry we're gonna take these people from your standby line this is comedy seller is it raining?

I'm not sure we're opening a comedy club Hey Patrick good to see you there's a club up the street we're opening a comedy. Hey, Patrick, good to see you. There's a club up the street. We're opening 20 years in the end. Patrick, have you lost weight? How are we going to cover for him? That was exactly how it went. That's the same thing when you talked to Lewis. Lewis, you look good. I'm gay.

I shot kick. Cross your dick. You know, if you don't lose voice, it's my favorite. I can't do it. I can't do it. It's really big J's, Lewis. Yeah, he's doing impression of impression No, I'm did wish us luck and I don't think it will be

Look at him still on it You know when you guilt do when you you won't fucking let it go. I mean, but you know I mean we are entering into their business and they are the kings of the yeah, you're gonna take their comics You're taking their comics We're not gonna take anybody you told you you. You want me to work there? If you're comfortable working there, we would love to do you want Dan to work there? I would love to have Dan on heavy rotation Yes, wait, I don't like that Let's just let's just walk back a little bit

I don't want me to work there if you're comfortable. That's fine Do I want down there? We want down on heavy rotation have Dan there. We'd like Dan on a heavy rotation every single night I like that you're betting the new club on the brand new talent What Dan Listen, well good luck good luck with your club. That's Mikey. You have a logo right? Mikey day you want to make a fucking another dead joke bro come on you only want to do it it gets it all right um good luck with the club the we're not gonna mention the club we'll come back to krench him we dot com right and lazlo uh... fucking rockstar games dot com max

fucking pain unbelievable max pain threes the shit if you like fucking shooter games you like cop games it's a fucking movie Yeah, and if you're an alcoholic it really is a fucking movie dude like you could watch this I mean you it flows from from cutscene the gameplay like it's just it's on And I like the way the camera kind of comes down and just I think I was right into the gameplay We've got some new DLC coming out very soon. What's DLC? downloadable content nice I want to case people didn't know what the fight that was.

I'm going to do some new maps. No, I haven't played the multiplayer yet because I wanted to play the story. And it's, I match pain. It's, there's a lot to do though. It's not just a shooter game. It's not like a Call of Duty. Call of Duty.

You kind of, all those games are kind of the same. You know, up, down, up, down, crowd shoot, change guns. This, there's, there's a lot of fucking crazy shit. And then the slow mo in this. Yeah, the bullet, bullet time is fucking grew. It's pretty fucking rough, man. I mean, what's it called? The kill shot when you're about to die and then last man standing is the fucking shit. Why? You just start getting peppered. But then the guy that's got the bullet that's going to kill you, your aim Device goes to him and if you shoot him before he shoots you it's like this fucking cut scene. It's awesome

How how great is it though shooting the fucking rockets? Yeah, yeah Or grenades. Yeah, that was pretty fucking nuts the guy to rocket launcher and I didn't know what I was doing for a sat And I'm like I'm fucking dead How do you and then I shot the rocket out of the air at the last second. It was pretty fucking nuts. Wait till you get the grenade gun. There's a, there's a fucking level where you get a grenade fucking launcher. It's awesome.

Now here's the thing though, is that there's so much yet to do. You really have to, you, the, the, you, this fucking a lot of, you really have to know what every button does and where and when even to change a weapon is like, whoa, yeah, that's pretty, it gets once you learn it though though. It's yeah, when you jump in on max paying three if you haven't Play, yeah, it doesn't you don't need to that's why I don't play any sports games. I can't go fucking play mad

No way no you you you jump into this game and in the first I say 20 minutes you'll be like all right I'm good. That's awesome. You'll be able to you'll be able to play and it also and this is what I love to it as the easy Normal in hard mode. Yeah, so I usually start out at the easy get the sugar be able to play and it also and this is what I love to it as the easy normal and hard mode Yeah, so I usually start out at the easy get the sugar and then I'll pump it up to you know normal Whatever the fuck it the middle one is and then you know Patrice used to go to the hard mode and do the whole thing. Yeah, it makes you awesome at it Yeah, well, yeah, it's you got to be really good though because this shit is it's no joke You play the easy one in your killing dudes and it's fun. I love that it's in Brazil some polo too

Because you guys get the Brazil cock suckers down because that's exactly what those motherfuckers look like and then they have They actually scanned people we flew down there and scanned group people in South Paulo No shit and all the bad guys that are running around those are all we flew down there and recorded dozens and dozens of people They lost three production guys down there They were killing Favellas. I tell you what man and the fucking accent the but the ball To that bomb that Brazilian accent that I hate in UFC press conferences because it takes nine years And it's just a fucking yes shot the fuck up just speed He says he likes UFC in America

But you got that down too are Are those real words being said? Oh, yeah. No shit. Yeah, we had translators at every motion capture session and every VO. And how was that? How was working with those actors? What, down in Brazil?

Yeah. Well, that was crazy. When we recorded down there, it was about five minutes before we started. There was one of our producers that we'd hired down there, his mom called hysterically screaming crying, that she just got to call it, he'd been kidnapped. And then during the production,

I wish I could go back in time right now and erase the rest of this podcast. And I mean, what the fuck? You don't start with kidnapping, I'm an asshole. Go ahead. And then during the production our Casting chick down there got a got an instant message that she from a best friend that he was being held hostage in his own house With this family it was a fucking it was a nutty nutty fucking time down there, dude. What happened?

She called the police and the police showed up because what happens is people come to your house And they'll they'll go lock you in your bathroom with your family and then just start looting the house. Right, they say, if you come out of the bathroom, we're gonna shoot you. So he sent a message to her on Facebook. They're crazy about the fucking Facebook. It's social media down there.

And she contacted the police and the police went and saved him. Why didn't he contact the police before he contacted her? Don't know. Police are actually corrupt down there. Oh, the police are. Yeah, they're wicked corrupt. So you probably want to contact your relative first

to see if they fucking do something before you get into the police involved. Call the fucking embassy. Send me an American police. Yeah. Send me. Animal with a machete. Really, you're the sheriff?

Those, yeah, I got pulled over by the cops down there. They're no fucking joke. And you know, like cops here, you know, you taught, you hold the trigger, you finger off the trigger for safety. Those cops down there have it on and squeezed a little bit. It's like pointing at you while they're fucking interrogating you for like going through a stop sign. They're gonna shoot you This shit that should happen to me in Jamaica

I was on a mope and they didn't give me a helmet when I went to the mope So I'm just driving around like an asshole and they told me the cops are corrupt so I didn't bring any weed It's because of the size of your head So I fucking I'm driving dude and this fucking dude in like a blue button down shirt and shorts and like flip-flops like waves me down I'm like fuck you. That's great. Pass them. most of the most descriptive thing ever why were you so descriptive because no dude I thought it was some dude it turns out to cop and that's just what they wear they were on the blue shirt dude two cops on motorcycles who weren't wearing helmets might might I add roll up on either side and I almost fucking fall off this not going through my pockets like

you have any money do you have any any drugs on you may let me go cuz I don't have anything I don't think they were cops they were no they were cops dude I don't think so they were cop they told me I don't I'm a cop I'm a cop we had a king of Jamaican man man laslo a sheriff's and we are I swear to God pull over fuck it into it now yeah, but one take you downtown, man, me please okay I'll suck your dick what please also all your things we did not ask for that mind you bought the one

I know I want you to suck my dick seriously let me suck it a guy actually like it please can I please please all right man so make sure you get max pain three number three it's on gameplay too, right? We're not gonna do that yet. Oh, we want them to go buy the fucking game

So that last low can pay is fucking insurance. Yeah, I got to put more money in the fucking four boards He's got it. He's gonna pull more money in the floor boards and just be a fucking loaded ponytail long island good-looking guy with tats You can also visit his other website, eckersorfags.com. Yeah. I like eckers, I just... Oh, or Bobby. Bobby is fine.

So, what is other website? Why does Bobby do anything else? Bobby's a piece of shit.com. Why bother bobby.com? Go to, make sure you get the game actually support all rocks I get I get all their games. They're fucking great. I love it. So make sure you get max pain three What are the games coming up my other my other favorite game in the world is red dead red Demon fucking is that is that gonna happen number two? Are we gonna get a no idea fuck nothing really actually focusing on Max pain three and GTA five red dead

redemption is actually a sequel in itself yeah video games red dead revolver yeah red dead redemption probably my favorite game of all time. Fucking unbelievable. It is. It is. It is a one of the best games ever. Shooter game. Dude, it's it's it, I don't even know how to explain it. It's like GTA in the old western times. Yeah, the, the, the, the, the, the, the environment is fucking nuts. I was just calling everyone Steve. Uh, Steve, come on, fuck you all.

How did you mad at us? I'm a fucking call back. Fuck you. All right, listen, uh, what do you got? What do you got? What? What do you got? What? What do you got? Perpies?

No. What do you get in promote, though? Go to gomscomedy.com hammer fisting.com on the right cast network check out the best podcast in the world besides Robcose. You know what, dude? Me. Yeah. Well, that's not what you said on your podcast last week.

I did shit on you all out on that one. Yeah, both of you did. Dan, you did tell me. I didn't shit on you. I know. I was just checking. I know I was just checking I didn't really listen No, we shit over It was like my fucking foothold size got a caught a cheating by just throwing it at them Patrick, what do you got besides a fucking awkward looking arm?

Looks broken Can we not do this? People you talk to the picture of is from his very uncomfortable chair I gotta I got my way I got a cringewer calm. I really should have put you on the couch at cringeymer on Twitter Facebook dot com backslash cringeymer and the stand NYC dot com all right last what do you got anything? Nothing lots of money Lash, what do you got? Anything? Nothing. Lots of money and most of the...

I have to put it in here, I'm fucking... No. We're spreading that rumor. Who's that? Hey, no. Hey, no. Look who's up here, no. Look the owner of the Best Comedy Club in the city

and the only comedy club me and Dan work. Yeah. I know. We've been trashing him for a fucking hour and a half. Hey, hey, what's going on, Patrick? I'm opening up a club. I won't let him promote the club on the show, though. Know that. Here's the thing is I. If I get a part, trust me, we talked about it. Here's the thing, is I had him up as a friend just as cringe humor. He brought this fucking spokesperson,

and I told him, fuck you. You don't promote the stand that's opening, when is it opening? It's the new comedy club. Which all we've said is just nice things about the comedy seller. Yeah, if it's listened to before. Where does uncomfortable as a

Mother's guys just stop All right Kelly what do you got real quick? Let's go through this just follow me on Twitter Kelly for stuka. What do you got Dan? I will be in a new Haven Joker's wild July 16th headlining again. Yeah, it's just a Monday Your headlight gonna Monday weekend who the fuck headlight's in a Monday He'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, he'll be, all the other shows on RiotCast Network. It's the greatest podcast network out there. Dr. Steve, weird medicine, Bailey J. Voss and Bonnie, my wife hates me, the Jersey jerks, while you suck in bed. I'm saving you for last, you fuck.

You're sick. Weird sat mad, mad, mad, what? Mad, you fuck me up, mad scientist, party hour. Glory hole and hammer fisting with Lewis J. Hammer fisting? Lewis J, go mess. Make sure you go for us please if you can. We would love you to go to iTunes and review YKWD

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And we only have 300 something reviews. So, you know, I'm not calling you guys ladies, lazy, but whatever. Well, last week we were talking about the fifth of July being our day for everyone to do the review on the one day, so we can make the front. I'm glad you remembered something for this podcast Anyway, sponsors unofficial sponsors. We get laugh button live go runner cream tumour unofficial spot to the show cream tumour dot com and laughs pin all you guys support our show and Make sure you go and support those guys. We have new sponsors that we're doing today. Did you get the email?

Yeah. All right, good. We're gonna do that. We're gonna, I guess we'll do that now, right? All right, cool. Guys, thanks for listening. You know what, did podcast is over. You know what, did you? I'm just starting to stick, stick, stick

You know what I need I'm stuck in the water, I'm stuck in the water You know what I need I'm just starting to suck, suck, suck You know what I did? Really, really, really, really. You know what I did? I missed you.

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