Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #544 | Ron Bennington | Childhood Trauma

Episode Date: July 21, 2024

This week Bobby talks to Ron Bennington about Radio, Childhood Trauma, and Cupcakes. FOLLOW Ron Bennington /BenningtonSXM Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at trueclassic.com/DUDE ! #trueclassicpod Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT / robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! / robertkelly / ykwdpodcast / ykwdudepodcast / ykwdpodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I love pay phones. No, they were the best. You remember, like, you ever call and, like, reverse the charges? And my dad used to have me, like, I'd go to the beach with my friends, and I would call and say, I'm reversing the charges. They'd go, who's calling?

I said, Joe, got here safe. You got your last name? I said, got here safe. So they would go, my dad would answer the phone. Yeah, Joe got here safe, because now I will not accept the charge. Have fun. That was the end of it. When you're going for best dressed, you need True Classics.

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Shop now and elevate your summer wardrobe with ease. Okay? TrueClassics.com slash dude. It's that simple and you'll thank me later. Yeah baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back, you know what, dude, live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKW Dude Podcast. I started social media podcast Like these are these back again old school back in the day where it all started before the mall

So fun and crazy Sorry This is an NPR God, how are you ruining this? Where's the bomb? Damn it, man. Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show? This is the original. The original. What's up, everybody?

It's Robert Kelly. It's YKWD. You know what, dude? The hardest podcast name to remember, even though it's easy. We're above the Comedy Cell, the world famous at the Comedy Cell Studios, ever-changing. And I have a great guest tonight. I'm very excited to have this person here. Ronnie B. is in the house.

Bobby, thank you. I've wanted to get on this show for so long and then I thought it was just going to be me and you. Yeah. Well, it's weird because we have also Chris Stanley's here. Hey guys, how's it going? Who actually texted me this afternoon and go, Hey, is there any room? Really wish you hadn't revealed that.

Yeah. And I was like, any room? Like, do you need a room to stay? And then he's like, no, on the show tonight. If there's any way I'm coming down with Ron, if I could squeeze on a little bit, because I feel like I have something to say. Do you, Chris?

I love both of you very much. Yes. I just want to get a little more mic time. That's all. That's all. Makes me furious. Why is it? Because I could be talking right now while you're talking.

So go ahead. What is it you want to say? I'm just happy to be here. That's what I was going to say. That was going to be my thing. I was going to be happy to be here. We could both be happy. I was the guy that was going to be happy.

Now Chris is happy and everyone's like, I bet people are like, oh, good. Chris is here. They love him. No one said then I'll be sad to be here. Well, well, don't be sad to be here. Now you're going to ruin my show. I don't want to ruin your show. Well, you asked me on it. Now you're on it. Don't be sad. Here's the thing. And I don't want to make a I don't want this to be about me. But it was supposed to be.

But you know, my cousin is one of the victims of Kevin Spacey. And which one, though? Because they're not all equal. No, they're not all equal. Was he the one with the finger in the bum? No. Was he the one that blew him to get a script? Not his penis.

He was the one with the nuts in the mouth. Nuts in the mouth? Yeah. Oh, which I felt like he could have got out of it pretty easy with a bite. He just taking nuts out. Right. But here's the thing. Yeah, he's not the same. So now I might have to take care of him for a while. Well, I apologize for that. Do you want to start a GoFundMe?

I really would like to do that. I started one for Kevin. You're a big fan of his work, huh? I'm not a big fan. I'm going to be honest. I've seen you work. Yes. You're a lot like him. Well, that is nuts to say.

What do you mean? I'm just saying, like, when I see you act, I'm like, that's Spacey. Spacey, yeah, I'll take that as a compliment. He was a great, I mean, he did great movies. He did won two Oscars. Right. Was the head of the Vic Theater and.

That's great, but what about the rapes? Well, there was no, I mean, there's no rapes. That's not a one rape. Well, you make a good lawyer. Ladies and gentlemen, he touched them, fondled them, jerked them, but did he rape? No. We'll be back.

No, I mean, here's a problem with me, Ronnie. It's a big problem. And Chris, Chris, some. Yes. I'm sorry. I mean, he's here. I have to acknowledge you're right. Thank you, Bobby.

You're welcome, Chris. Good. You were going to defend the rapist. No, I'm not going to defend him. No, no, no, no, no. Here's the problem with me is that I heard the first part of it of what he did. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that sucks.

Right. He's an ass. What a piece of garbage. Watch the language. He's a piece of trash. Yeah. And then I heard him last night on Piers Morgan. And I was like, wow, you know, well, the courts of law,

which I believe in the system. Right. Right, Chris? Of course. You believe in you believe in the system system. Sure. Listen, dude, everybody goes through it. And if they come out the other side and they're innocent, you know, I mean, did OJ do it? Yes. No He did not go to law. No, but in real life He didn't he did it civil civil support. He did civil court. He did that's different and here's the other thing

That's true. I don't think he did it Is hiring somebody to do it and doing it the same thing? Yes. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, then I had that wrong So I I've been wrong for years. Let me answer this. I know you're conspiracy buff. Yes. Did you think Epstein killed himself? No.

No. How can you kill yourself? You don't think suicide happened? When I was in Juvie Hall, they took my shoelaces away because I cried one day because my grandmother didn't come for a visit. I thought they took your shoelaces away because your shoes were so tight. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha No, did you commentary? No, here's what it was. It was they invited comedians to come have dinner with Woody Allen and his wife, right at Epstein Island at the no not the. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

That was another time you would tell me about earlier. And yeah, I was down there, but there was a hell of a surf. Yeah, I was there doing a hurricane. But you know, I'm off and all through my fucking thing. I didn't mean to. Anyway, so I get this call. Do you want to come meet Woody Allen? I go, who I want to meet Woody Allen?

And you wouldn't want to meet Woody Allen. Now, I'm not in the jazz. He's more than that. Oh, is he? Yeah. OK. They moved. Oh, oh. What was he like? Meet the Parrot? What was it? It was a meet the parents. That's who we were. OK. It was the Ben Stiller.

What was Eric like the original meet the parents? Yeah. OK. That was a remake, right? Yeah. If you were directing Ben Stiller and you would give him any advice, would you say stiller? I should be instill.er? You're being still. I want you to be stiller. I like that. I did like that.

I do. I like silly. You are. I'm a silly dude. Even though I am, I have that abrasive side, but I do have a very silly side. You know what? I prefer you when you're angry with somebody.

What the fuck does that mean? Oh, never mind. Huh? Shut the fuck up. What's why? I'm sorry. I'll be silly again. This reminds me of the night I spent at Epstein's.

What? Ben, you spent the night? Yeah, I wanted to get a good night's sleep. You were tucking out? I was actually going to get some pictures for my mom. Were you too? Were you? Were you tucking out from all carrying little kids back to

their room? Oh my God. Oh, come on. Too far? Yeah. I went too far. Yeah. That's what I do though.

Child trafficking. That wasn't trafficking. It was one ride. They were there. That's a trafficking. Trafficking is back and forth. He was sending them back home from where they were from. Oh, they went home.

Yeah. Oh, so that's, that's nice. That's not what I said. That's, they went home. Yeah. Oh, so that's nice. That's all I said. That's not it I said. Yeah. It's their will. Yeah, but keeping them forever is worse. Yeah, I would have said that.

Yeah, practically worse. Until they become servants? Some of them did become servants. Really? Yeah, like one of his pilots was a sex traffic girl they trained to be a pilot. That's a great career. It's like the army.

But she was sex traffic. That's the problem. I don't think the army. She was sex-trapped. That's the problem. I don't think I would trust her as my pilot. I go, is that little victim flying us? You're gonna feel safe right now. She's so good at gaslighting. You mean the one that we game raped is behind the wheel right now?

I feel like she might be suicidal. What she's been through. You know who dodged the Epstein the list? Yeah. Raining from the Simpsons. He was on there getting foot massages from the Trafford girls. Really? No one brings it up.

Really? No one. Well, you know, I was brought it up. I'm trying to get the word out. You're not nobody. You're somebody. Why do you get the word out? Why do you have such a...

Who are you? Batman? You're suddenly running through the streets? It was great. You think getting the word out is on this show? You gotta start somewhere. He'd be better off shaving that into your back than running down the street. That granting was it.

Why do you hate him so much? The guy got his foot rubbed. On the Epstein jet. Yeah, but it's a foot rub. Yeah. Did you watch Pulp Fiction? Yes. It's just a foot rub, man It's on Epstein's

Lolita Express is what they... It was on the plane. Yeah, it was on the... Well, that wasn't on the island Yeah, you think... What happened on the island didn't happen on the plane? What happens on the plane stays on the plane I think there's international waters and international air. Yeah, rules. Motherfucker, you can gamble. You can get foot massages. You can't lose kids. You can be less in the middle of the ocean. No matter time. Laura is way different.

Do you guys know the laws? Yeah, here's the thing. If you found gold out there, 90 countries would fight you about you're not. You don't have to keep that treasure. Yeah, you're saying they go out there and hurt kids, not hurt kids. That's fine. That's not hurt them. Did they do foot massages? Yeah, foot massage.

They're giving. They're not getting. What do you consider a kid? It was like a 16 year old. And whoa, think it's 16. Go lower. I report you just you just lost a lot of people. There's a lot of people that's in the show and that's not bad. Do you think it stopped at foot massages?

All right, can I ask you, that's what I'm saying. Did you think you were gonna be on Gnome's show tonight? Yeah, I know. I'm just trying to let people know Matt Groening isn't squeaky clean. Why are you? Why are you, Crusader?

Look, Chris Tucker's eating shit all day long about this everything. Matt's eating shit all day long about this. Everything. Max, he's shit because he wants to. Yeah. He's into shit. Yeah. But his tongue too deep in the asshole. Yeah. Yeah. Listen. Yeah. Here's the thing. Oh, there's a thing.

Clinton, Bill or Hillary. Both. All right. God away with it, because what's his name? Last night was talking about that. That was what's his name? Steven Singer. No, Spacey. The road, the gold rose. He's calling Bobby the lawyer right now. Kevin Spacey. Sorry.

I get them confused. So similar. Huh? He was saying that he used Epstein's plane. Yeah. To fly all over. And some of those girls were on the plane and Epstein was on the plane, too. Not that they went to the island, but they were flying back to Africa to help. They help with the kids. Also, that's not help.

Not kids. They help with the people. The seven not kids, they help with the people. If we stopped calling them kids and just called them people, would it be better? Yeah, for him. He had sex with some people. He had sex with young people. How young? The dude who signed Epstein into the White House during the Clinton administration, he killed himself by hanging, recently, I think a year or two ago, by hanging himself and

then shooting himself in the chest. All right, so what does that prove? Who does that? The press. I'll tell you what, yeah, expert suicide people. That's not an expert suicide person. That's a guy who watched a lot of videos and did it right. No one does that in a suicide video. It's like helium or some shit.

Alright, let me just tell you about military people. Nine times more people that are in the military or ex-military killed themselves, then got killed in the war. So for all the people that were killed in the war, nine times more came back and eventually killed themselves. in the war. So there's a for all the people that were killed in the war. Nine times more came back and killed themselves and eventually killed themselves. Yeah, really? Yeah. And why is that? What happens? Maybe we're not cut out, you know, for the to be in those extreme situations anymore.

So they're coming back depressed, sad and can't live. It's like institutionalized. Right. When they're over there. They're fucking killing machines We make them into these machines that go over there and kill and they come back here and now they got to go to Win Dixie and be nice to people in the park and also see how shitty Americans are they're looking around on these are the people That I went over there for You know didn't American sniper kill himself or D he? Oh, he got killed by another. He got killed by another guy.

Yeah. Next that up. You mixed that up. American sniper. They decided was lying about everything. What did he lie about everything? Yeah. He said he was on top of the New Orleans Dome shooting fucking looters from there. And then every. Yeah. I swear to God, look at all.

We just made a phone. We just making shit up. He's got a phone. I have an Internet connection. And then he was said he wasn't. And then he said that he beat up Jesse Ventura and he's never. No, that was Norton. Yet Norton Norton made fun of them and them. A bully. Yeah. Yeah.

I find you, Chris. I'm all right. Hold on. I found it. I found an Atlantic article saying correcting American sniper. Chris Kyle's legend. OK, I'm going through the article. OK. I thought we were also on the nine times more people that just came out this week. I'm looking that up right now. Well, I'm going to do it both at the same time. I mean, you're pretty fast. Did you did you ever serve Bobby? Yes, I did. I was in the Sea Cadets.

Were you really? I really was. I was in this, my mom when I was getting into trouble, when I started getting in trouble and drinking, they put me in the Sea Cadets. So you were the guys that guarded the ponds? No, no, no. The Sea Cadets are like the Boy Scouts for the Navy. Of the Sea. And I had, well yes, the Boy Scouts of the Sea and I had a And I had well, yes. The Boy Scouts of the Sea. And I had a Cracker Jack uniform. I had a wooden gun. I started with a broom.

And then it was embarrassing because the kid that was into it lived up the street and he was into it. He he was really into it. So he would bring me. And then he made me go rehearse the military salute thing that we had to do in the park that all my punk kids from my friends hung out at. Yeah. So they were over there drinking Heineken, smoking dope and I had a broom and I was going lift, lift. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, is I was so sick, we actually did a whole

military thing on a base, and we won an award for being the best, and I was like, I can't do this. So I went back and met my friends at the park in my cracker jacket uniform, and we ordered a pizza, two pizzas from Domino's at somebody else's house. So I was on the front porch, and I was like, dude, I'm gonna go to the park and I'mer uniform. Yeah. And we ordered a pizza, two pizzas from Domino's at somebody else's house. So I was on the front porch and I was like, dude, I'm right back.

I locked myself out and I had to go around the back. And I just ran through the yards with the pizzas as looking like Popeye running. And I remember the guy caught wind of it. He started chasing me and I I lost my little hat, my little my little Popeye hat. And luckily, he didn't pick it up. We're back later. He was there. Yeah, I was a piece of shit. Well, you were in the military, though.

You served a couple. Well, I was involved in stolen valor. I would just say that. Is that a is that a yeah, I would just tell girls, you know, that you're glad to be home. You know what I mean? I mean, you didn't say from where. So it wasn't, I was glad to be home. But you didn't tell them it was from your job at Olive Garden.

I'm glad to be back from Nova Scotia. There's a lot of shit to take place up there. What do you got for us, Chris? All right, as of 2021, four times as many veterans have died to suicide versus dying in battle since 9 11. Well, look at the the thing that just came out this week. I don't want to go back to 21. The numbers shooting up under Biden.

Oh, my God. You don't vote. All right. All right. The Pentagon, nine times more. Thank you. Nine, nine times more. Nine, nine times more than they die. You know why? But that doesn't really say anything. We're really good at fighting. Are we? Yeah. One of wars since Germany.

Now we won the Iraq War, the first one. Did we? We went in there in 10 days and wiped them out. But they stayed. I don't think I don't think that was a clear victory. That wasn't a real win. I mean, I came. They were in Kuwait. No, they were in Kuwait and they took over Kuwait. We went in there, wiped them out and they left Kuwait.

We freed Kuwait. Oh, no, that was Kuwait's win. That was nothing to do with us. That was all Kuwait. Still chilling. You know, it was a weird part about that war. The the head the movie? No, no. That was good. The Kuwaiti money was so powerful. Before the war. And then the war happened.

And the Kuwaiti... You could just... It was nothing. You could go over there with, you know, a hundred bucks and buy tons of Kuwaiti money. And after the war, when they left, and they got them out of there, and went back to Kuwaiti money. And after the war, when they left and they got them out of there, Kuwait back went back to Kuwait, people were becoming millionaires because they had all that money. Oh, that's sick. So when I went to Kuwait on the second war on the USO tour, I bought a lot of Iraqi money thinking the same thing. It's like crypto. It didn't work. It was very much like crypto. All my money went to the same place somewhere else. Remember when you were over there in Kuwait?

Yeah. You ordered those two pizzas and then you told the delivery guy to Kuwait right here. And then you ran behind the house and just kept going. You know what? I remember the story wrong. That is a story. I was really good at that back then. I just kept going. You know what? I remember the story wrong. That is a story. I was really good at that back then.

You know what's always great about your childhood stories? It's just how sad they are. When you start to tell it, I'm just like, Jesus Christ. I did. I had a sad childhood. Did you ever have a good day? I don't remember any good. I remember, I was trying to, we had my son's birthday last week and the weekend after before.

And it was amazing. Every birthday he's had, I've gone all out for this kid and made it all about him. And I tried to remember a birthday. I don't remember one birthday. I remember, except for one, when I got in trouble, my stepfather called me a fucking idiot and made me sit on the stairs. So that was a good birthday. That was a good one.

And I remember I was just crying on the stairs and that was my punishment, I had to just sit there and cry and then they, I remember crying, cutting the cake and you know how you can't get over it as a kid? They're like, all right, come on, shake it off. But I'm five. You can't shake it. I was like, oh, stop crying.

It can't make me cry more. I knock it off. Oh, I'm trying. I just remember I was blubbering. It was terrible. That's all I remember. I bet you're adorable, too. I will. You know what they used to call me?

What? My nickname? Guess my nickname as a little boy. Absteen's boy. No call me what my nickname guess my nickname as a little boy Epstein's boy no That's my nickname now. Yeah That was my nickname on the plane. All right, you know, we got the island. I was big dick Kelly Did they call you wobbly Bobby? Why no, I was That's me. That was terrible. I mean, just say, you made, you called me fat. You made a fat joke from when I was a kid.

But what did they call you? My mom used to dress me in suspenders, shorts, overalls, like suspenders, with a little red shirt or a blue shirt with a bow tie. They used to call me Spiff, as in spiffy. I look spiffy, so they called me Spiff. So all, I had five uncles, two aunts, and they had all the friends.

Like my grandmother's house was the place to go to hang out with all the neighborhood. Oh, sure. And I was called Spiff. Spiff. They were like, come over here, Spiff. Spiff, get over here. Sit on my chin. Well, no, no, I didn't. Spiff, Spiff, get over here. Sit on my chin.

Well, no, no, I didn't know. That didn't happen till later. I know. I like when you're teasing a kid about being stiffy. You're putting them in leaderhosen. You know what I mean? It's fucking cosplay at this point. That was that was that was my you didn't have a nickname as a kid. Well, you know, here's the thing, because on my, I think it was sixth birthday, it was really bad, like yours.

My dad had rented out an amusement park for me, and then I dropped an ice cream cone, and I was so mad, I kicked all the kids out. That was the whole park? Even the ones that weren't at your party? No, there was, they were. The whole park was yours? The whole park was yours?

The whole park was mine. Elvis. Yeah. No, when I was a little kid, I would dress up like a cowboy all the time, and my dad would call me Tex. And then when I was four and going out to play, the kids would say, what's your name? And I said Tex, right? And then my parents were like, what are you doing, man? That's not your name. So the second day I have to go out by myself and I said to the kids, Hey, everybody come over here. That text thing. That's my bed. My real name is Ron. Yeah, I'm Ronnie. You call me Ronnie. Stop with the tech stuff.

But it's on. I did it. I did it. What? Did you have a nickname? All right. So when I was in elementary school, this kid named German. Can I guess your middle, your nickname?

Yeah. Was it Blindside? No, it wasn't Blindside. There's my outfit right there, by the way. There's my outfit. That was a spiffy. That was spiffy outfit. It was role spiffy with my fatness. Your name was roles because you sure you weren't working at a bakery?

No, I wasn't working at a. That would have been a good name because this kid German. We were playing football and then at the end of like his name was German. He was German. Jesus. What was in the 40s? You sure it wasn't Germaine? Definitely German. Sure wasn't Jerry. I've never met a German.

That's an actual country. I never met a German. I just like. Maybe German. I don't know. German? It was definitely German spelled German. Was his last name Cake? He was a Hispanic young boy. definitely German spelled German. Okay. Was his last name Cake? No!

He was an Hispanic young boy. His name was German. And he was, it was like Venezuelan or something. German Lopez? Yeah, that's where they went. They all went down there. That's right. He might've been Hitler's son.

Possibly. Yes. Well, him and his goons held me down, pulled my shirt up and threw the football the small my back of. Did they goose step when they did it? You're back in your asshole. I mean... And by football, do you mean dick?

No, that's not football. No, you work through it. Try to remember. I do therapy on you. Well, apparently, German, the name German is a boy's name meaning warrior. So he was quite the warrior that day because he stuck his dick in your roles. First of all, I don't believe there was a dick involved.

Are you sure it was a football? Pull your pants down. I don't know to humiliate me to make me feel bad about myself. You should say small in my back instead of my ass. They didn't pull your pants down to see the small in your back. It sat up my ass. They didn't pull your pants down to see the small in your back. I remember. They were playing doctor.

I definitely remember it hit the football. Yeah, they were hitting it. Yeah, this wasn't a bad thing. This was a good thing. I don't think you made it a bad thing. This is the, wait, this is the plot the boys don't cry. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. This is sick as, I, this is worse than Bobby. Bad. I didn't like it. I never got raped by Germans.

It wasn't rape. It was assault. But as far as I know, according to my memory, but that's it. Your memory's not working. So so when they pulled your pants down, what happened after that? Well, they kept throwing the football at the small of my back and my butt. to the traffic. Then eventually it stopped. I guess they got bored of they came. I think we were too young to come. It was like, Hey, you're never too young to come. That's the rule. My father told me

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I felt great. No, I didn't. God, I almost felt terrible about myself. You got up and did a Ric Flair. Woo! No, I felt bad. You felt bad? Yeah, I felt bad. Did you feel responsible? Yeah, I felt like it was kind of my fault. Yeah, because you had a juicy little back. Was it my fault, though?

Why would someone do this to someone? Well, you know what? Stop having a little sexy back. Stop wearing half shirts. I wasn't wearing a half shirt. Well, you did after that. Just with shirts. I wasn't wearing a half shirt. Oh you did after that My actual regular shirt to be a half shirt, right in the middle due to the assault. Oh really? Bad therapist Really? This is why I think a bad therapist. I'd be just laughing my ass off.

Could you imagine Ronnie being a therapist? You'd kill yourself. Here's the thing, Chris. Yes. Did you ever go back to that playground? Oh, no. God. No, no, no, no. Now you went to another playground. You stood up to your fears. No, it's the exact opposite.

He went to another playground to have the Japs do it to him. Japs. They had two bombs dropped. To? Heimer. Yeah. Did you know that the war we actually killed more Japanese in the war from lighting Japan on fire than we did on the bombs? So the bombs, you mean the fire from the bomb?

No, we dropped fire. We dropped fire bombs because all their houses were made of like paper and wood back then. Are you missing the three little pigs? Wait a minute. Was that the soft bed, the hard bed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I am. I am. I'm fucked up. I'm sorry. I miss. No, seriously.

Look that up. It's a fact we burned Japan down first. Why wouldn't they build with concrete? Why would they do now? Yeah, but not back then. I mean, what is the 40s? Right. So there's concrete, right? Yeah, there are. But they didn't have it in Japan. It's crazy. Yeah.

They have traditional homes, by the way. I want you to look this up and see. All right. I know their walls are paper, you know, I like how they all sleep in the same room, too. Do you ever notice that they sleep in the same and they sleep on the little little mattress in the floor. Do you know Japanese prisons of the cleanest prisons in the world? Why? Well, so were the prisons built out of fucking paper, too?

How could they? No, they lived. They lived. They lived. They took them for warriors. What they did, they wanted them to they wanted those for fortified places to be after they lit it on fire. It's a fact. Look it up, Danny. Did we light Japan on fire? Didn't we kill more people to? I don't know why I'm telling you how to look it up. You're fucking autistic. You know exactly what to do.

All right. So here's the weird thing. When we dropped the two bombs, right? Yeah. The day before we dropped like these pamphlets and shit like, hey, yeah, the biggest bombs ever. And they didn't believe. Yeah. Right. And then the American generals say they're like Floridians when a fucking hurricane. Yeah. You can't convince these people to get out of harm's way. They did. I've seen one of those pamphlets. Yeah. Yeah. They drop.

Hey, listen, I mean, what country you get? I mean, say what you want about America, but to give you. A flyer. Yeah. Almost like, you know, like a like a rapper doing a show to promote, hey, tomorrow, we're going to we're going to drop a bomb and and really destroy everybody here. So why don't you take a hike if you don't want to die? That's what it said. Leave if you don't want to die. But they're like, what if they just want us to leave?

Yeah, that's what I would have thought. I mean, why would I trust these people? I wonder if they should try that. Yeah. See if the people believe them now. It's a good sign-up. Just drop, hey, dude, tomorrow's the day. You might want to get out. You know what they could do is just drop off a half-off sale

just 10 miles in the other direction. Everybody goes down to get the savings. They're not in the way of the bomb. Who doesn't want to save? I love saving. Now, where are you from, Chris? Queens, York your front you're a New Yorker. Yeah, and you're where are you from? I'm from Delaware County right outside of Philly. You're right. You're a Philly boy Yeah outside outside of Philly and you're you're from Queens Astoria Queens, New York Wow, you don't meet too many people

Here's the thing about Chris. So he grows he grows up here Wow, you don't meet too many people. Here's the thing about Chris. So he grows up here. It's a one bedroom apartment with his grandmother, his mom, and his dad. And just like Blindside, it's not that he didn't have a bedroom. He never had a bed until he went to college.

Yeah, until I went to college. Where did you sleep? Face down. In a park? In a park getting balls thrown at his back? It happened one time. And it was easy. Nobody bring it up out of all the memories you had. down in a park in a park getting balls thrown at his back. It happened one time and it was easy. You might bring it up out of all the memories you had.

Because of the nickname Rollsday came back to me. Rolls relax. They call you Rolls. Please. After that day yeah. And then you kept that nickname for the next three years. I couldn't fight it. They wouldn't call me Chris.

Why did they? They were around school. If they only looked at Chris. Why do they call you Rolls? Because I was hunched over and they saw the Rolls from the sides. Oh, you were 19? I was not 19. You were 19 when this happened? No, I didn't. You were 19 in fourth grade.

Stop saying I was 19. What the fuck? I was in fourth grade. I don't know what Roll that is. Not sure so you lived because I had a similar situation my grandmother's house we had a One two three bedroom and there was 13 of us living there. Okay, but we did have a mattress Yeah, I didn't have a man me my mother my sister slept on a mattress in my uncle's room I'm sorry. What did you say? Say go on are you do you do you do what the AC higher?

No. Oh, OK. Um, you guys shared a bit. Well, my uncle was in the corner on a bed. There was another uncle over here. What are you doing, dude? What is that? Listen to my mother and my sister. My other uncle was on the sun porch. And my grandmother, grandmother, and my two aunts were in another room.

And my great grandmother was in a closet. And then there was two other guys. There was one other guy in the basement. Now you grew up in what, the 1890s? How did something like this take place? It was the 1970s. So you were two years away from MTV. You were not that came out in the 80s.

Yeah. Eighty one. Yeah. Eighty one. That was 11 years from then. All right. So you're saying this happened in my mom got married. Dad went to Vietnam, came back. They got divorced. She had nowhere to go. She had to go back. That was the Irish Catholic. You know what I mean?

I mean, my grandmother never learned how to drive. My mother didn't drive. So she had to. That's not in the religion. I can't drive. No. Not in the Catholic's drive. It's in the religion. Women can't drive. Jesus hated that. No, you, he thought your father fought in the Vietnam War.

Yes. What side? What? On our side. Okay, good. Yes. Because there were other guys. He kept dropping pamphlets They didn't make it through the trees

Yeah, he was actually shot cannons the big the big 50 cow, whatever they are cannons. That's what he was So after we lost he came back he came back in shame not in shame. Yes. He did yes Yeah, I don't like that. He looked at me twice. Why not shame? We lost. He failed. But yeah, we had to live there for a while. And then my mother remarried to another guy who had money and it was like-

Without getting divorced. No, she did get divorced. She did get divorced. Yeah, that- So, who's childhood sounds the worst? You, by the way, not enough family. No. He too much family. That's your Chris

Doesn't have a living relative. What now zero is an endling. What's the name of it? Yeah That's worse than roles That he had yeah died all your relatives ago, you know, we had three Yeah, because. His mom and dad, his grandma. Well, what about an uncle and a cousin? There were only. There's no cousins.

There were only children. OK. Grandparents were only children. Wow. And I never met either of my grandfathers. I only met the one grandmother. So everybody's gone. Everyone was gone by the time I was 23.

So where do you go for Christmas? Anywhere I want, Puff. He stands up front and smokes. He goes back to that park and remembers that day. Yeah. Wow, dude, you want to come over the house for Christmas? Yeah. Should I come over? I would let you come over.

Yeah, what if they said, here's your dinner, and it's just a couple of rolls? I would storm out. Eat your fucked rolls. Me and Max just throw you on the ground and throw a ball at you, small of your back. Thankfully not my asshole. Small of my back.

This is wild. You're still blocking it. I definitely remember the small of your back. You guys bad aiming. Now when you say small of your back, you may, they were sucking your dick in a park. No one was blowing me. No one was banging me. I was assaulted physically by a football.

A football. Was it a real football or one of those nerfs? It wasn't a real football. It was a real football. Pig skin. Pig skin on pig skin. Sorry. I'm a man, dude. Not then you were. You were a little... I was a little sad boy. You were a little cute piggy boy. Sorry, dude. I was too. Now you know that?

Let me just ask you guys to get back to the sexual assault stuff. Yeah. You see these two guys that got busted is in the post. They're selling property out in Hamptons. Two little rich boys. Oh yeah. I didn't see it. So they're twins. And apparently they're tag teaming girls.

Okay. It's their will. And apparently they're tag teaming girls. Okay. Their will. Okay, that's the part that's bad. That's bad. All right. Up top. Isn't bad deal.

Twins tag teaming? Yeah. I mean, it sounds like an 80s rom-com to me. No, if the twins were girls. If the twins were girls. There have never been like male twins that weren't considered anything but freaks and creepy. That is true. You know what I mean? Yeah, those brothers. Yeah, those brothers.

That killed the mom and dad. Yeah. The mosaics. What's the name? That is South America when that took place. What are their names, Chris? Menendez brothers? Menendez. Spanish. I don't want to be racist. And they were twins. Right. And they murdered.

There's never I would never trust twin boys. Twin boys. Twin girls. Hot. Very. But twin dudes are disturbing. Yeah. And like if you even look at any pair of male identical twins, like there's something going on behind their eyes. It's terrifying. Isn't there something going behind everybody's eyes? It's terrifying.

Yeah. There's nothing going Isn't there something behind everybody's eyes? It's terrifying. Yeah. There's nothing going behind my eyes right now. No one knows what it's like when Rolls here, his assholes here, the small of his back. What? Dude, this is wild. So they were real estate. They were real estate. So they got it big time. So they got they got real estate. They're real estate. So they got a big time. So they got they got it from their parents.

They didn't make their money. That's the problem. Really? That's the problem. Yeah. People who have to earn people. When you give young twin boys everything, I wouldn't give anything. They'll they. Yeah. You need to make. Thing I would do is ship one.

First, it's good. I don't want them to go. I would take the other one to the park and throw a football as small of his back That's terrible. You told that story. I do remember how funny it was traumatizing for me Yeah, what about for the kid who had to take his football home and had shit on the tip of it? He was fucking put if he's pissed it was in your ass shit on a football Because he put a football on a boy's ass. He put it in your ass. I thought they were throwing it This is a hypothetical the shit God damn it son. I told you no more shit on your football. I'm gonna take it away the next time

Yeah, Rose is coming to play again tomorrow. Well, tell that kid to stop. I just got racial out of nowhere. Were they black kids? All Hispanic. Oh. That's not. Yeah.

That's actually a game down in Guatemala. It can't possibly be. Dude, it is. It's called Rolls. They don't even have footballs in Guatemala. They weren't calling you Rolls. Footballs in Guatemala, I like your face. This is terrible.

Yeah. You want to go play some Rolls? Rolls. That's a sad story though. Well, what happened to your twin brother when this whole thing went down? There was no twin brother. You have a twin brother? No, I'm an only person. What was his nickname? There was no, I have no brother. Begat?

He was short. And he was a little... Listen. Yeah. So do you think if you had a sibling, this wouldn't have happened? It wouldn't have. I'd never wanted a sibling. I would have nightmares because we were very poor about having a sibling and us having even less money than we did. So I never wanted a sibling. Did your brothers ever come and beat somebody up? I didn't have a brother. I had an older sister and she beat me up.

Never helped? No, she hurt me a lot. She actually took my, I took the remote one day and I remember she grabbed me by the ears and smashed my head. She goes, Jimmy, the remote! And hit my, into the corner of the door jam and put a hole in my head. And I fell to the ground bleeding and she went,

if you tell mom, I'm gonna do it again. I'm not gonna call an ambulance. So I was like, okay. And I never told my mom until years later, maybe five years later, me and my sister got in a fight. And I was like, you remember that time when I had the hole in my head and I had to go to the hospital? Lisa did that. My mom slapped me.

She goes, you lied to me. Yeah, she got mad at me for lying. She's right. Yeah. But can I tell you something? Your sister's defense? Yeah. Nobody wants to get up and walk all the way over the team. I mean, you got to hit as a point, especially when the new that was when the remote came out. Yeah.

That was like going from having to do it to not. How do you go back? I know. And it wasn't even like we'd still have a lot of strength. Yeah. Oh my god. What? You just turn the channel like this.

Nostalgia. You know, we're all going through you getting football raped as a kid. It wasn't football. Bobby's sadness. Yeah. I mean, I didn't get football raped, but it was close. It wasn't a rape. It was an assault. Why are you putting it? Why are you over zining right now?

Love my love my zen. So did you ever when you were a kid, did you ever get bullied? Here's the thing. I had an older brother. He's six, seven years older. Right. There you go. Kids start to fuck around with me. I go, I'm Bobby Bennington's little brother. If something happens to me. He's six seven years older right there You go kids start to fuck around with me I go on Bobby Bennington's little brother if something happens to me He's gonna come fuck you up right and the guy would because it was like we used to say teenager Yeah, because you weren't so like the teenagers here, so he said to push me I go look

This is I don't want anything to happen here, but a Bobby Bennington finds out you said his whole name. I said this whole to happen here, but Bobby Bennington finds out. You said his whole name. I said his whole fucking name. He had a little bit of a rep. He's a fucking pussy. I go, I know. That's the thing. No matter what happens, he's still fucking with me.

I wouldn't even be able to talk him out of it. Here hit my friend, Rose. What? Yeah. And I'll let it go. But I would always try. So you were the reason why he got the football in his ass. No, but I was, I mean, if you were...

That was going to be you, but because of Bobby Bennington. Yeah, but that was like, he'd fucking get out of jail. Free card. Free card. I didn't have that. I viewed it constantly. I would fucking say it today to somebody. Like, my brother's going to catch a fucking train.

Is your brother still around? Yeah. My brother. Is he still tough? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, and he was like every time I talk to him, he goes, anybody fucking with you? And I go, I'm doing a podcast later. He goes, let me know. I don't want to take any fucking shit. That's a fucking. And that's like one of these poor bastards.

Are you on a home phone? Yeah. Yeah. Are you on a home phone? I'm in the kitchen. You're in the kitchen. You ever see that when you drive with little kids? They say how to use a phone and they just go like this? No, I didn't see that. That's weird. Kids have no fucking idea.

We actually looking for new houses. We're moving. And we went into this house that owned by a firefighter. Hasn't changed it in, you know, I don't know, 50 years. It's just I just don't like change. No. And it's a great old. Mind me, my grandma's house, that old house. Love it. And he had a phone in the kitchen. Yeah. And with the big long cord that was tangled up.

And I went to my kid and I was like, look at this son. He goes, what's that? I go, that's a phone. He goes, it's not a phone. He's right. He goes, that's a weird box. Yeah, he's right. It's not a phone anymore. It's not a phone. Remember pay phones? Oh, fuck. Yeah. Pay phones.

I remember. I remember I had a pay phone that was low enough that I could pull my car up and pick it up, dial and talk like it was my own phone. I would drive to it in front of a Dunkin' Donuts and roll my calls. Oh, that's nice. Like I was a pimp. Right. You know?

Yeah. I love payphones. No, they were the best. You remember like you ever call and like reverse the charges? And my dad used to have me like, I go to the beach with my friends and then I would call and say, I'm reversing the charges. They go, who's calling? I said, Joe got here safe.

You guys remember your last name? I said, got here safe. So they would go, my dad would answer the phone. Yeah, Joe got here safe because now I will not accept the charge. Have fun. Chris would actually make the same phone call to your dad and he'd be like, it happened again.

And he'd be like, god damn it son. I never told my parents. You never told your parents that you got fucked with a football? Because I didn't get fucked with a football. You got a football and you're gonna tell them. Because they would think, go back out there and fight. Oh, my dad would always say,

I go out there and you gotta defend yourself. And what did you say? I said, okay dad, and then didn't do that. You went back out and just played in dirt. You know, even my even my mom said I had to go back and finish fights. But I would go like this. I am going back when Bobby Bennington fucking go back there. Take all. I hated I hate it when I was a kid, I used to get bullied a lot too.

Really? Yeah, I got bullied a lot. I got called. I remember when a kid started calling me fag. They started telling everybody I was gay. I think it was like fourth, fifth grade. You didn't tell. But. Six cents. Yeah. Did you say it that way, like you're doing a gay voice? No, no. I mean, this is gay pride month.

I mean, it is gay pride month. There's no reason to do that. But it wasn't, I just said six cents. Here's a fun fact you didn't know about. You've seen it's gay pride month. It's a fun fact. I read this in the paper that, not the paper, the iPad. I read this on the iPad.

The iPad's here! I used to deliver iPads when I was a kid. From house to house. iPads! Who needs an iPad? He and Lindbergh landed. So go ahead. You were reading the iPad.

Yeah, you would swipe. The Red Sox beat the Yankees. Where was I, dude? You read on the iPad. I read on the iPad. I read on the iPad. I read on the iPad. I read on the iPad.

I read on the iPad. I read on the iPad. I read on the iPad. I read on the iPad. I read on the iPad. I read on the iPad. I read on the iPad. The Red Sox beat the Yankees. Where was I, dude? You read on the iPad. I read on the iPad, this is a fun fact, that gay males get food poisoning more than anybody. Really? Yeah. Food poisoning, where they get sick. Like when you have fecal matter in food

Oh, oh, you know why why they figured it out? Oh? What Cuz they They have butt sex a lot okay, so they touching they wind up getting looking. They're like. Oh, I'm sick I must have ate something bad no I'm not you at you look the end of a football. OK. They eat butt and they put a thing in their butt

and they'll boom, boom, boom, and they get poop in their mouth. Yeah, but you eat butt, right? No, I've never seen my wife's butt. Wow. It's beautiful. What? I'm sorry, what'd you say? I'm with you. No, I don't know what complex. I thought you just said that my wife's ass is beautiful.

I'm saying I imagine. I've seen her butt, not her butthole. Right. I've never like looked into it. Yeah, but if you dog eat, you look down and it's right there. Yeah, but I don't look at it. You know, I've never looked at it.

It was like, oh, that's her asshole. I've glanced at her butthole, but never like got a nice look where I've never touched it. Like if you put her like usual, no, never usual suspects. If you put her ass on a lineup, I wouldn't get it. I bet her asshole did a crime. I wouldn't be able to pick it out of a line. It'd be a great fucking game show.

But that's the ass. Yes, the asshole. Yeah. One of three of these ass is your wife. Yeah. One of these assholes is your wife. Let's take a long look. Shall we? We'll be back right after this. Is an asshole in general?

Because I know the TV in one day. I'm sorry. What did you just say? Is an asshole a genital? I don't just an orifice. Now Bobby knows what it's like to have a little brother. But I'm not Bobby. You think that like to have a little brother. But I'm not... Hey, gee, Bobby, you think that an ace hole isn't genital? Get to sleep, Chris. You're playing the Spanish kids tomorrow with butt fall.

Come on, Rolls. Shut your eyes. Are you worried that you got a football into your genitals? No, I'm just curious because, like, TV... Let's see, TV doesn't want genitals on the screen I mean, it's connected. I know it's connected. There's a seam that connects your body's connected to genitals But we can see your arms and legs and torsos. How big are your genitals of your arms and legs? How big are your balls they're a fine size is that why they call you Stop telling everyone that.

Is that why you have one nut? What if one nut? He's got half of his assholes close. So I'm just so I'm curious, like, could the guess the asshole game, Get On TV, would no one be offended? Did you say, we couldn't get on TV? Oh, that's why I'm trying to see if there's a loophole to the asshole game.

No, there is a loophole. What is it? Netflix. You can do it on Netflix. All right, I'll stream it a loophole. What is it? Netflix. You can do it on Netflix. All right, there are streamers. I never saw any assholes on Netflix. Yeah, I've seen a lot of assholes on Netflix. Yeah.

Yeah, I've seen Burt Kreischer. Okay, there was. I've seen fucking Tom Segura. All right, finally, we got a clip. Keith Robinson has a special on there now. Finally, we got a clip, Bobby. There it is. We can end this show.

Is Bobby funny or what? Bobby is I'm right here, guys. But can I just say this in front of you? No, you're the funniest. You're the fucking funniest. He's a killer. No, you're literally a killer. I'm a colleague. I didn't know that. Of course. Yeah.

Is that why you wormed your way in here tonight? It's one of my fucking time again. You know what I want? I want you to get invited on this show. And when you come up those steps, I'm fucking standing right there. I'll know how this feels. With an Italian joke book.

Why? I wish that I had an older brother to protect me as a... I think that would be great. But I feel sad for you that you don't have any family. So it's fine. When your birthday comes, what happens? I don't really celebrate. He threw a surprise party for himself last year.

Pretty fun. It was all by himself, yeah. Came into the house and yelled surprise and he broke his tears. He scared himself and cried? Yeah. Yeah, came into the house and yelled surprise and he broke his ears. He scared himself and cried. Yeah No, I do you live in you have a house now I live with my girlfriend in Brooklyn Did you doubted your family's house? Did you get that house? He has it the apartment. Yes. It's an apartment It's rent controlled in New York. Oh and guess what how much? It's $400.

$400 for the whole apartment. Yeah. Two floors. And that's for life. Two floors. For life. Yeah, yeah, it's like I'm grandfathered in because it was in my parents.

So it's like, it's mine. So they didn't own it. They lived in an apartment rent controlled. And then you got that rent controlled. So you just stay in there. Why would I? You're going to have kids? No, no, no, stay in there. Why would I? You're gonna have kids? No, no, no, no, no.

Why no kids? You don't want them to go through what you went through? No, I just don't want children. I'm not comfortable with kids. He's nervous around kids. I'm not comfortable. Like, if a kid comes into the studio, he's fucking freaked out. And then I'll always like get up and leave, so he's alone with the kid. And then I come back in and I say, hey buddy, what happened to you? But he's one of those people he thinks will be accused of what touching a kid?

Because look, A, I would never do that because I don't want to. And it's bad. I mean, you have to you don't have to memorize. You're reading that car. Why do you have? Why do you? Why do you have A, B and C's? B, did you practice B being interrog you practice? B! Being interrogated? I thought about this.

Why? What the fuck? I thought about part B. You thought about what's part B? Let's say the genitals? Children like to lie. And if a kid lies that I did something, anything to them, there's no court in this country that's going to fucking believe me over some kid.

You know what? Kevin Spacey just got off. I don't have space. He got off a lot of times. I started his trouble. So you don't want to be around kids because you think they'll lie about you. I mean, that's kind of egotistical. Like some kids can be like the narcissist. Yeah. I mean, that's that's nuts. Yeah. You think some kids are going to be like... He's a narcissist. Yeah, I mean, that's nuts that you think a kid's going to be like him. I think way too many people are too fucking lackadaisical around children.

Like they could lie about anyone. What? I mean, your own kids, that's fine if you want to have kids. Let them lie about you. But no, no... What's C, by the way? I hate when there's no... There's only two.

I don't like that. It's a two-point... Yeah, don't do that, dude. I hate when there's no, it was only two. There's like, you know, I don't like that. Yeah. Don't do that. Do I think you can come up with the C. Yeah. I know I'm not comfortable. I just do a lot. Do a Y and a Z. You are. You were a kid. Oh yeah. For sure. Did you lie and say somebody hurt you? No, never. I mean, so what makes you think other kids well, I tell the truth about the people who hurt me like German for example, but Alright, tell the story about when you were a little kid the little girl that lived across the fucking fall from you Bobby first of all prepare to be discussed

Even more. Yeah, let's just say this a family had to move. No because of what he he did. What did you do? Around the time of German, either before or after. I can't remember. Is this the fairy tale you're starting? Around the time of German. There was this girl that lived on the second floor of my building, and we were friends. Right. And then we were playing doctor.

Oh, no. And I was, for lack of a better term, going down on her. Now, her mother. Can I ask you a question? Hold on. Let me finish. Oh, well, God, I don't know if I want to. Can you take me off camera? My mother, not my mother, her mother walks in.

Freaked out. And I don't blame her. Don't blame her. Oh, good for you. And then very doctor. Were you? Yeah. An oral surgeon. Oh, good for you. What kind of doctor were you? Yeah, well, an oral surgeon. Oh, no. But seriously, I regret this. And then they moved like a week later.

Yeah. So you were going down on her? What age were you? He was 19. I was a child. I was younger than her actually. Oh my God. How old are you? Does anyone know how old you are in third grade or fourth grade? Yes. No. Yes. That's the age. I don't know the ages of the grade. It has to be like, it has to be,

Max is in sixth. So fifth was 10. Oh, is he held back? No. All right. Four, four, Well, is he held back? No. All right. Four, four, four. So, all right. So actually sixth grade, he was 10. Okay. Fourth grade, he was nine.

Third grade, he was eight. So you were eight. Eight's too old. That's old, dude. I think it was younger. I mean, wow. That seems way too old. When you were licking her pussy, were you going, go, go, ga, ga?

I don't know, man. I have some sort of brain of me as a child and then some lady's mother coming in freaking the fuck out Yeah, why is she? mother Some lady you came in yeah, you need therapy man Yeah, why don't you go to my therapist dealt with it? How by the way is this the why you went to butt your way onto the show today? No? I did you want to you needed help. Yeah, you needed to get us good that you got it out good get it out there

I thank you for laying down there Yeah Do you when you eat when you go down on a girl now is there a point where you scream? Do you in order to come do you need somebody to break in and yell at you? No, I don't need I don't need to like revisit that again more trauma. Does she have to put on a strap on? Again, more trauma. Does she have to put on a strap on and fuck your titties? Does she? Do you have to put a football game on to come?

No! Why would I get hard from the German situation? Because that, sometimes people get like that traumatic thing is the thing that gets them off. I get it. All right. That's true, isn't it? It is true.

They were, you know, you guys regret go back to that. You feel like you can control it. Yeah, you and the... But I'm not having people throw footballs at my ass. I don't want that to happen again. Right. You ever think of looking this girl up and maybe... I think I did look her up years ago. Oh boy. I found her on Facebook. Oh no. It's like I like the memory came back to my head. Yeah, of course. Your head. My head. That's where it's going to go. What did you do? Yeah. Did you walk in someone's smell something that reminded you of it?

Was was was a shrimp scampi on a plate? I remember. Wait a minute. They moved to the Rockaways. Oh, far as far as far Rockaways far Rockaway. Of course they did. Or the daughter was being raped upstairs. Not raped, but molested. Starting to think she was the instigator.

You blaming her? I'm saying that we were children exploring each other's bodies. Oh, my God. With your mouth. It's disgusting. You know, you can do that with fingers first. Maybe that happened first. Were you hungry? Probably. But I don't think I had anything to do with it.

You think she was a center field? I don't think I had anything to do with it. You think she was a center field? I don't think so. Oh, Rolls. Oh, Rolls. Oh, Rolls. Oh, Rolls. Will you ever win? What is this? Out of 200 and 300 sexual abuse children, I've been working with the past five years. Only four of five were falsely reported. The false reports were very clear reasons when the case became understood. So you didn't get you didn't. There you go. Yeah, but so I don't want to be that four or five out of 300.

Well, that was as a percentage. Would you take those odds? Those are pretty good odds. It's fucking great odds, bro. Look at those gamblers. You're a gambler. That would you call it juice? No, I mean, in the tri-amble. Look at those. You're a gambitals? She definitely had genitals. By that asshole.

Oh, God. I think I think we've come to the fact that an asshole is a genital. Yeah. Well, an asshole is not a genital. Okay. Then you should be able to show it on television. Well, you can't you can't show tits. You need tits on a genital. I think that's kind of it.

It is not a no, it's breasts. Sweet. So genitals just vagina and scrotum and dick. Yes. I think so. An anus is an anus. Genitals are the genitals and the breasts of the breasts. I thought on TV they had like a genital rule. It's like in like the TV by guy.

But you know nipples you can't show on fucking regular TV. Did you read? Right before this I thought a nipple was a genital. Can I ask a question? Where did you read the TV guidelines? But you know nipples you can't show in fucking regular TV jewelry for this I thought a nipple was a genital. Can I ask a question? Where did you read the TV guidelines? I'm assuming a lot. Oh, okay Yeah, okay. I thought I thought you had spare time one day And you were just like yeah, you picked up the TV guide You got the audiobook of the TV guidelines TV bylaws.

Bylaws. Genitals means the part of a human anatomy, including the pubic area, anus. Oh, you were right. You were right. You're right. They are all. Breast of only females.

Of only females. Yeah. Yeah, because of they're the only ones that are hot. Yeah. Except apparently on Rolls. Yeah, Rolls has some hot fun. I have titties. You had titties. You don't anymore. They're the only ones that are hot. Yeah. Except apparently on Rolls. Yeah, Rolls has some hot fun. I have titties. You had titties. You don't anymore.

You lost a lot of weight, dude. You look fantastic. How did you lose the weight? Can I ask? Heroin. Heroin? Yeah, just like his dad. But your dad was on heroin? Oh, he loved heroin. No shit. In the house.

You have to find works in the bathroom. Really? Yeah. He was in there pooping out. Did you ever walk around and knock on the walls and see if there's a hollow spot where he kept some, you know, some extra works? No, I knew exactly where he kept him. It was in a leather jacket in our closets. No, so your father was a bad. He was a bad. Your father was a badass.

Oh, I mean, it wasn't a badass, but he did fight a lot. He told me all these stories, but he never ever told me a story where he won a fight. He wasn't as really funny. He wasn't as... Junkies don't win a lot of fights. Yeah, you know who he didn't fight? Yeah, Bobby Bennet didn't. Yeah, none of that.

I'll bring Bobby up here tomorrow. My dad's dead. Oh. Your dad's dead. Did he die of heroin? Easy win. You owe me money. Did your dad die of heroin?

He died. You don't remember? No, because it was weird. My mom kicked him out of the house. Oh, okay, yeah. And then like a month later, they found him in the street, just essentially like dying from like exposure.

Oh man. And then they brought him to the hospital and then all of his organs failed and they pulled the plug on him. And then you pulled the bar. How old were you then? 19. That's how are we then? 19 oh you okay 19 everything Everything 19 look a rough year. Did you did your mom feel bad like she killed him?

Um, she never said that but like I don't know like she like she like kept him around the house for 20 years or whatever Right. She was like just fed up with like, you know, living with him, living, and him living. Good job. Like when you go outside for a while, like 30 days or so, see how all this works out for you and take your works with you. Well, his dad used to go to works in the morning. I'll see you later on. Well, that's good that you don't have a heroin addict.

No, you know, you didn't ever go into that. He was heavy for a while and then he got out of it. You were in it. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. Did I know you when that happened? Yeah, I did. Tail end of it. I met you at the tail end of it. Yeah. Oh, man, that's wild. That's good that you get out of that. You know what I did? I put him out on the street. I go, you tail end of it. Yeah. Oh man, that's wild. So that's good that you get out of that.

You know what I did? I put him out on the street. I go, you get out of here. You're lucky he didn't die. He said that you just like my mom, man. I'm gonna learn this time. I'm not gonna be like my dad. That's really sweet.

That is, how did you get off of it? Cold turkey. Yeah. Just went. Can I tell you something? I fucking stayed next to him and he was screaming. I was wiping his head down. He was puking.

He was fucking shitting. I just, I wouldn't get up. Hope I like, you can fucking do this, man. Wow. Fucking know you can do this. That's awesome. Yeah. And what did he do?

He finally got through on me. It took us like three days. Three days. It's fucking painful, yeah. No shit. Every time I would give him even water, he'd throw it back up. No shit. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's I would give him even water, he'd throw it back up. No shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's terrifying. No, man. You just got it. I thought you were in the, you know, you understood what we were supposed to do once we get, you know, sober. Yeah, I mean, I got sober, but I went to a rehab. Yeah, but now you're supposed to help others. I do. I'm not. But not everybody. You can pick and choose who you help.

I never saw that that you're supposed to pick and choose. Well, they if someone asks, you can do it. You have to do it. But if you know, he didn't ask. OK, like if he if they came up was like, hey, man, can you help me out? I'm having a tough. OK, I will. You know, I did what I've flushed all this heroin down the fucking toilet. I did. I fucking put a lock on the door and I know we're going to get through this because I wanted to take him to the hospital.

He wouldn't go. I go, all right, motherfucker, we're going to ride this out. No shit. Three days. Right. You rode it out. It was really. And I had three and a half days. Yeah. It was did you feel weird like getting lunch in the middle of it? Like I didn't do anything. You didn't do nothing. Nothing. You just leave the room. So you just stayed in there with them like an exorcist. I tell you the smell of that fucking room,

I couldn't have eaten if I wanted to. Really? Yeah, it was terrible. He was puking, he was throwing up, he was shitting, it was fucking, you know. It was, you know, every once in a while a fucking hero comes along, is all I'm gonna say to you, Bobby. And that hero is you? Yeah.

Your hero? Yeah. He is a hero. Yeah. He is your hero. For sure. 100%. It was the three and a half worst and best days of my life. So why would you... Really nice, man.

Why would you muscle on his show tonight? I just wanted to be part of it with him. I'm glad you did. Yeah, me too. I'm glad you came on. Really? I'm glad you're here. Thank you.

I'm glad you're here, dude. Thank you. I'm glad you made it. Thank you. I appreciate that. I appreciate you're on it. And you know what? Thank you. I'm glad you're here, dude. Thank you. I'm glad you made it. Thank you. I appreciate that. I appreciate you. I appreciate your honor. And you know what? Thank you. He might not said it to you. I don't know if he said thank you.

He doesn't have to say thank you. It's what you do. Yeah, it's what I do. That's great. I'm not here for the thank yous. But Ron, thank you. I don't even fucking want to hear that. But I want you I want you to know. I don't need a puking, pissing, shitting, not fucking junkie saying thank you to me. I'm not puking and shitting now. That was before.

This is rolls. That's this is this is why we brought back to roll. These rolls, these rolls coming back to you. I mean, God damn it, if that's not your name for the rest of this time on Earth. I mean, I want to share this as rolls. It was past this. No, we're not past it. Well, listen, it's been a I mean, I want a shirt that says Rolls. I was past this. No, we're not past it. Well, listen, it's been a good, I mean, I'm glad you came on. It's been a great podcast.

We had other, we have some stuff. Should we get to it? I think it was good. Two questions. We got questions for you. We're gonna go right now. We'll go to the Patreon for a couple of minutes. We have fans ask you questions.

Did we get any questions for Chris? Well, they didn't know, right? No. OK. Yeah, they didn't know because he muscled his way out. I have one of mine. OK. I will give one of them to us. That's perfect. Great. So, of course, check out the Ron Bennington show with his lovely daughter. It's the only father son first only father's son, father, daughter, daughter. You know what? Father, daughter. We're good with that.

The Bellington show. It's the funniest show on Sirius XM, along with the bonfire. And I guess Jim and Sam, too. And Eddie Trunk and funny Eddie and funny Eddie. We love funny Eddie. And of course, Chris Stanley, the great producer, one of the best in the business. I'm gonna be in Portsmouth this summer.

I'm gonna bring the, I think I'm bringing the Tizzy too. And then I'm gonna be in the Regs, just doing the Melanie tent. And then I'm doing Mike Drop Comedy in San Diego. Go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. More dates are coming up soon. And my specials up there. And of course, check me out on the bonfire every day

on the 103 faction talk on Sirius XM. We're going to go right now to Patreon. So if you want to check out the questions, if you want to ask questions to my guests, all you got to do is Patreon dot com slash Robert Kelly. And you'll be part of the show live and in there and get it first and all kinds of stuff and an extra show a week with me and mush do the YKWD extra.

So all you have to do is go there and join. It's pretty cheap. I think it's five bucks, something like that. Guys, what do you got? You can follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and see me the third Thursday of every month at Comedy of Irvine, Somerville, New Jersey. Follow me. I'm Mike V. Suarez. and see me the third Thursday of every month at Comedy of Irvin Somerville, New Jersey. Follow me, I'm Mike V. Suarez.

July 11th and 12th will be at West Nite Act, Liberty Live with Rich Voss. And for Joe Russell stuff, check out The Cheese Show on YouTube. Just type in cheese show. Chris, what do you think these guys are producing for Bobby? You know, one of the great producers of all time. What do you think of them? I think I can whip them into shape. Yeah. Oh, wow. Sounds like someone's going to get a football attack. How funny would that be? Please don't. All right. So what happens to you? Please don't. You crumble. He does. He goes down hard. Quickly. All right. Go to to patreon.com sess Robert Kelly right now. We'll see you guys next week on you know what dude