Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #545 | Brendan Sagalow

Episode Date: July 28, 2024

This week Bobby and Brendan Sagalow discuss addiction, relapsing, and Here's The Scenario. FOLLOW Brendan /BrendanSagalow Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What is your favorite? My wife's calling me. Yeah. Don, what's up? You all right? Hey, Dad. Hey, buddy. I'm on the podcast.

I love you. Ow. I love you. So bad right now. What's wrong? My T-Dap shot. Your what? T-Dap.

What's a T-Dap? It's something that six-year-old requires. It's a shot. Oh? It's something that six-rate requires. It's a shot. Oh, your shoulder from your shots. Oh, yeah. Oh, buddy, I'm sorry. I'm gonna get two on my left arm

and one on my right arm. Right. I was just gonna say do it on my ass. I mean, come on. I gotta go. I'm actually gonna pass. I love you, I gotta go. I'll be home very shortly, okay? I'll be home as soon as I can, dude. I gotta, you can't. I gotta go. Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now!

We're back, you know what, dude, live. Welcome, everybody, to the show. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD Podcast. YKWD's back again. Old school, back in the day, where it all started before them all. YKWD. This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules.

God help you ruining this. Where's the Montana, man? Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. Original.

Original. Original. Original. Original. Original. Original. Original. Original.

Welcome to the YKWD podcast and the Comedy Cellar Studios above the world famous Comedy Cellar. We're back again for another episode. Tonight, of course, we got the Tizzy Two back there, running the board and running the computers, trying not to fuck shit up. Danny and Joe, what's up guys?

Nice talking to you. Okay, and then, well, sorry. And then, I have a, I mean, I would say a very special guest. Someone who hasn't been on a long time. So, Mike Swarres, everybody. Mike Swarres is still, I thought he left already. And of course, the guest tonight is Brendan Sagalow from the hit podcast that was on this

channel's network, the Three Musketeers, Irish Goodbye, which, which, well, here's the scenario. That one. Yeah, you did it. I did it a couple of times. You did it a couple of times. What's up, buddy? What's going on?

I don't know, dude. You came in. I don't. I didn't come in. I was very excited. You were not excited excited if anybody's excited. I'm excited to hang out with you. I was excited that you're on the show Come on. I came downstairs. It's good. I'm being why would I not be honest to you? Have I never if I ever if there's anything that I am It's honest almost too honest. I Was excited to have you on me. But you came in, you started

saying stuff, and then you said you bring it out of me, you're gaslighting, has anybody ever has anybody ever said this to you? What happened? No, what is it? What happened? It's nothing happened. I'm in a good mood. I'm in a great mood. Well,

you're, what did I say you gaslight for? Why did I say that? I don't know. I don gaslight for why did I say that I don't know I don't even know why you would say that to me like I'm what am I Antifa something you did that was completely Guessed you came in you go the energy in here is all fucked up. No, I didn't and you were like Puffin I did say you were huffing and puffing because you were weird and puffing. Well, I mean I wasn't Huffing and puffing to me is this. OK. OK. And I did not come up and go, Joe, when I came up, was I huffing and puffing?

I think you're just winded from the stairs. Maybe that. OK. Well, maybe that's it. But you took walking upstairs. I'm actually very impressed that Joe even like kind of said something in middle groundy. I really was. Joe was neutral. I mean, I was expecting him to be like kind of said something in middle groundy. I really was Joe was neutral. I was expecting him to be like, no, sir. Joe. Yeah.

No, that's mush. Mush would have defended me. Bush is the Joe takes the middle ground all the time because he still thinks the cheese is going to pop. He wants to be friends with everybody. And he would have took your side. The irony. Here's how I'm taking your side. The irony of you saying that you said that Brendan said the energy was all

weird when he didn't, that is kind of gaslighting him. No, he said the energy, you said something about the energy, you did. I said good energy. I went no, how would you go good energy and then you're huffing and puffing and then you're gaslighting. How does that? I said you scare me, you're scaring me. Yeah, you said I'm scaring you you scare me you're scary. You said I'm scary I said you're I'm see anything you said something about the energy. I might have mentioned your energy Allegedly you traitor allegedly there was some mention of energy Possibly you said the word I did I mentioned your energy but I didn't mention it in a bad way well you

said no the energy I said you're scared you're huffing you scare me the energy up here right why you're huffing and puffing it's all me yeah when I was just dealing with a situation on my phone with my wife and I I came down to get you came back up let's go dude right and then we said I just my wife and I came down to get you, came back up, let's go dude. And then I just sat down and I wasn't really talking before because I just wanted to have this and you put all on this. And then you said I'm gaslighting. When I said, what do you mean? I'm not huffing and puffing because huffing and puffing to me is, and I wasn't doing that. I didn't even know I was, but neutral dro said I might have been breathing heavy from walking up the stairs.

That's two out of three votes. But you made it about energy. But you know what? You're right. You're right. I did, I did say, I did possibly. That's all I want. That's all I want. I just want honesty. Yeah. Yeah. I'm honest. You're an honest guy. If I said something, if I had weird energy, or if I, you know what I mean?

I'd be wrong. I'd be wrong. But I don't think I was wrong. And I wasn't. It is funny when two guys who go to the same therapist are like, it's like fighting fish right now. But it felt like, you said, you'd gaslight me. And then you said, another thing that was weird,

you said, you bring it out of me. You do bring it out of me. What? Happy? I mean, I'm having you on my show. I'm excited to be here. Stop with the mom guilt. What is it? I mean, dude, that's on you. You call me a mom. I have a, let me say something. For someone who goes to therapy, I have all your issues. I have all your issues. I mean, my energy, my huffing and puffing,

this is what my gas lighting you you do bring it up what the fuck I don't know what that means you do gaslight I will point it out next time give me an example right now what did he say can I ask one of your one of your guys Joe why don't you ask me I'm here what did I say to you that I was like I was like I bet you get told your gas lighting a lot I said I wasn't huffing and puffing and then that you said you're at the energy I was like what's up with the and what's wrong with the energy man, and then you said I'm gaslighting Right. Yeah, you know what sucks that you are wrong that I was wrong

Yes, but also you say there is a there is a nugget of of rightness Wow, oh my god, I just can't get to it. I'm not intelligent enough to recognize that I'm right about something. I can't articulate myself enough. But you have to give me an example of gaslighting you. Oh, I will. You said... Oh, I will.

The gaslight is still on. But you said... It's not turning off. I'm going to turn it off said it's not turning off. Yeah, I'm gonna turn it off I just turned it off. You said I get I I bet you have a lot of people telling you gaslight them Yeah, what the fuck does that mean? I don't know I don't know. I'm I'm if I know why I sign me what gas lighting is it's like it's like, it's like getting somebody mad, right?

You get some, like, it's when you get somebody mad. Yeah. And then when they're like, hey, what the hell? You're like, why are you yelling at me for? That's gaslighting. Alright, so did I yell at you? No. Did I say anything mean to you?

Yes. What? I mean, there's so many. Today. Oh yeah. What? I mean if this was a move by the way too you were I don't think you did this purposely but you scrolled on Instagram loudly played one of my clips and you and you scrolled right in front of me before it was finished. No, I scrolled on it. It got to the first punch line and you go. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, was like, all right, I don't want to, that's, you know I don't drink.

So I was like, all right, let me not get in, I don't want to embarrass him by having that because I know, you know what I mean? You know what I'm saying. So I scroll past it out of kind of courtesy, you know what I mean? To be like, all right, maybe that might be embarrassing. I don't want to do that

because we have a different relationship, right? And maybe that might be embarrassing. I don't want to do that because we have a different relationship. Right. Right. And then I scroll past it. So you, this seems like. Now you know what it's like to date me. I mean. This is very much like. I mean, it's wild.

The amount of emotion that, I mean, I am a fucking evil man. You went through the gamut from somebody who was like, dude, let's go up and do the podcast together. Yeah. To I huff and puff. I have bad energy. No, I, I gaslight and I bring the worst out of you. I never said you brought the worst. What did I bring out of you? I get a little aggressive. You get aggressive. I get aggressive. Is that a good part of you or is that a bad part of you? Could be. Is it a good part of you or a bad part? You get aggressive. Depends on how I use it. What? I mean, come on.

It depends on how I use it. It could be a superpower. You know, in this situation. No. I mean, I'm not robbing you. I'm not hurting your family. That would be the only time your aggression would be worthy. No, I guess. I mean, not to be Alan. Worthy.

I mean, to use it for, you know what I mean? Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse, manipulation in which the abuser, I'm an abuser now, to sell self-doubt. Now this is- Confusion in the victim's mind. I mean, that's nuts to call me a gaslighter. So I never called you, I didn't call you abuser.

You said I- No, all I said was- You gaslight was, I bet the word gas light has been. I bet, so I bet, you're saying you bet a lot of people think I'm abusing them. That's nuts. Oh, and you put it that way. I mean, that's nuts. I mean, have.

Well, I didn't know the actual definition had the word abuser in it. I mean, it hurts. I would never I would never call you an abuser. It hurts. It hurts you. It hurts. I'm sorry. It doesn't make me feel good. Well, I apologize. OK. I don't know if it's going to go away right away. It won't. I'm going to turn my gaslight back on. The gaslight doesn't go off.

What's wrong? Just stop touching it and it stays. Well, you need to move around. Yeah. All right. Listen, dude, can we move past? I think we can. All your stuff. God, I hope. Because I'm excited to see.

I'm so excited. I'm glad you're on by yourself. Yeah, me too. Because usually when you're on with the other two, it gets a little crazy. Yeah. And sometimes that's when you get a little heated. Oh, I'm always kind of heated.

Are you? Yeah. You always the Hulk. Yeah. Yeah. That's my secret cap. I'm always fucking mad. Why are you always mad?

You seem like such a jolly guy. I don't know. I don't know. You have rage in you, right? Yeah. It's something. It's something. I talk to Alan about this all the time. Yeah. It's something.

He says it's OK to feel it. He says, have fun. He goes, enjoy it. I'll call him right now. I doubt he says that. Let me call him right now. I don't call him right now. That would be crazy.

Now, you're a liar, an accuser. Calling, no. Calling Alan right now would be like, it feels like having like, I'm going to done touching this. No, no, no. I know how to do it. I know how to do it. I mean, you were here in the studio. I know. Well, people don't know. People should know. But you were on a podcast. It was on the network with Mike Feeney, who you said is a modern day Mitch Hedberg.

Did I say that? I think you did. In a way that I wish he was dead right now. And Mike Cannon, adorable Mike Cannon. I will say this, Mike Cannon is a modern-day really good stand-up comedian. I wouldn't be able to label him as somebody, but... Do you guys still do the podcast at all, or is it done? No, I started my own.

What's yours? It's called sag daddy to pod And we just started we just had Ian on which is where the clip of me relapsing Came from why do you roll your eyes like that seems like in the clip you was excited about it. I hate myself why? For for doing that, for relapse. I relapse. I shit my pants that night, too. Not I mean, you probably hate yourself for that more than the relapsing. Yeah. You shit your pants.

Yeah. Why? For I hadn't had a drink. I hadn't gotten hammered in three years. And then night one, I shit my pants. Well, that. I mean, the universe does show signs. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's called signposts. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you shouldn't drink anymore.

No. Did you have fun for the first couple of hours? Yeah. And then what happens? And then it just fucking like us, like a switch just turns to like a miserable self-hatred, loathing, kind of like I'm eating Wendy's. I'm shitting my pants. So you shit after kind of like I'm eating Wendy's I'm shitting my pants So you shit after Wendy's? I shit during Wendy's I got Wendy's I'm sitting there eating yeah, and then I'm in my boxers

Oh at your house? At my house. You shit at your house? No I shit at my house. Oh that's fine. I still shit my pants I know, but it's at your house. It's a big difference. Yeah. If you shit at Wendy's, that stinks. That's worse. Yeah. Not like it would be the first one that day. Am I right? There's nobody over there. No, but yeah, I shit my pants and, you know. What did you do? You drunk? Yeah. You shit. Yeah. I was texting all everybody telling them I'm black out and I'm back off the wagon.

What were they saying? Yeah. Well, some people, a lot of people were happy. Yeah. A lot of people were misery loves company. That crazy. Yeah. Of course they're happy. I didn't tell Canon. I was like, he's can it would be like, what the fuck are you doing? He knows now.

Well, I call he called me the next day because I like I like he's like my husband. I couldn't keep it from him. I'm like, are you sitting down? What he say was he was like, are you OK? Like, no, he was just like my husband. I couldn't keep it from him. I'm like, are you sitting down? What he say? He was like, are you okay? Like, no, he was just like doing everything. He's like a really good guy. He is such a good guy. It's crazy. It's weird how what a nice person he is. I know. Yeah. And how horrible Feeny is. I mean, come on.

Loves Feeny. Esti. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I'll tell you who she doesn't like, your boy. Yeah, because you shit your pants. She has no idea. She will. Yeah, when I send it to her. Just kidding, obviously. No, but Cannon, I watched his special that he's putting out,

and it's like so good. Yeah, he's a killer. He is such a killer. I mean, I remember when I opened for him, I say this all the time. I did that pyramid scheme when I opened for him. I say this all the time. I did that that pyramid scheme that Aaron Berg put together at the golf club. What was that? He's like body me and you

Will do a show together cigars will split the door Be a fun night. I'm like I was like, all right, dude, I don't want to do that But you know that sounds cool me and you smokes because I show up It's just a stand-up New York gig and it's like three other comics on before me and then Feeny I mean I can and and then can it goes up and just fucking murders the room and I'm like Damnit. I'm like, let me just go up after fucking him. Oh, I were you nervous I get nervous every time I go to all the me just go up after fucking him. Oh, were you nervous? I get nervous every time I go on stage.

All the time I go on stage. But you know, he's killing and I've gone up after killers and you know, I got him, but it was definitely, you know, he had I think he had the set of the night. And I was just, I saw it. I was like, wow, he really was definitely after he had his kid show. I know they were all cops. It was a golf course.

Oh, God. Like some can. It was some town in Connecticut. It's like fucking Uganda or wherever the fucking Black Panther lives. Wakanda, Wakanda. I'm sorry. But yeah, it was it was like I didn't even like you go into this town. It's like this perfect holy shit town that I've never been through that I don't even think people know about. Connecticut has those little pockets of, hey,

this is for us. Yeah. And it was that town. Connecticut kind of rules. Like I could totally see myself being in a just for us kind of place. Connecticut does rule. Yeah. And they don't promote it. It is a just a hair too far out of the city. Right. To it. There's a couple of places you could be. But once you go past that, yeah, you're getting like two hours. Now you get now you're you're retiring.

You know what I mean? You're in retire mode. It's like I'll do some spots. There's a mural of Sagalow in Connecticut. Oh, yeah. New York. Oh, I see that New York Comic. Yeah, it's a fucking great mural. I mean, in Connecticut. Oh yeah. At the New York Comic Club. Oh at the New York Comic Club, yeah. At the New York Comic Club. It's a fucking great mural.

I mean, I know. It's awesome. I know, every comic who doesn't know me, which is a ton of them, every time they see that mural, they're like, they ask, they're like, is this guy like a dead guy? Like, is this guy like a dead, like silent partner? Big mural.

No, it's your, they don't know you're a comic? Who doesn't know you? I don't know. Besides Esti. Besides Esti, no, oh she knows me. I don't know you're a comic. Who doesn't know you? I don't know. Besides S.D. Besides S.D. No. Oh, she knows me. I'm on her do not book list. Were you the first one to get in before Feeney? Yeah. You got to know Cannon got in before me. Oh, yeah. Cannon got in. I got it. I mean, my whole thing with the it's been a tumultuous like it was it was

it was it wasn't good from the jump because I got the audition and It was supposed to be the Friday after when she emailed me And then because I was out of town I was in I was on the road and I got a I got a text on the Saturday Yeah, that I was on the road and she was like, where were you last night? And I was like I I thought we agree and you know, you don't want to be like You don't want to be like no, we definitely agree But I was so I was like, I thought we agree, you know taking all the the blame myself Yeah, like oh, I thought we agreed on next week. I'm so sorry. Oh, you had a spot. Yeah, that's a tough one

That's a tough one. And then like turning my, uh, you're maniacal. I mean, it's crazy. I know I should be like, uh, like handing out little, little cards, like in the joker that say I have a problem with laughing. Yeah, dude. Sitting on a bus going, uh, it's not that is that you go from that to,

hmm, like in a second. There's a mirror right there. Oh, yeah. That's a beautiful piece, man. It's the whole wall. Yeah, Holly, I forgot her last name. Who was that Mafia guy, Fat Tony Salerno? Holly Salerno, who's an artist, did that.

Really? Look her up, yeah. But then, you know, when she gives you your first like yeah spots Yeah, I didn't see the light at one of them and you know was that I was at McDougall And I didn't see the light you did it at the knee seller. I know you ran the where she is Yeah, how much you can see it though a couple minutes five minutes Wow Yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was it was, it's almost, if you believe in God. I'm going to assume there's a man. Do you believe in God? I don't know, and I'm okay with that. I don't know if there's any. I don't think anyone knows. It's definitely a white man. My God is. I was a white man. My God is a white

man. Yeah, no, I just don't. I don't know. And I it's it's so stupid to like even think about it to me. Like, I understand wanting to know the answers and making that your life's journey to find out the answer. But you're never going to find out unless you die. And even then if you die and come back and people are like, I went to heaven, like no one's gonna believe you unless you have like, unless you die and come back and people are like, I went to heaven, no one's gonna believe you. Unless you came back with a... Well, there's a lot of people that will believe you.

Like Christians, Catholics. I know. A lot of people who are religious be like, what was it like? It's been kinda tempting to be like, I'll just fuckin' be like a religious comic. Say I went to heaven once. Why don't you do that?

I don't think I could lie that that long. Really? What if you make a lot of money? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What have you? I would get fucking a face surgery to make me able to hold a lie. Like I would pay for face surgery to be like a straight face. You can't lie.

I can lie, but people can people always tell. You can tell. I have a tell. All right. Do you let me ask you a question. Are you trying to get me to lie? No. Oh, okay. Why do you always do that? Why do you always, why, you're always-

Go for the bad. You're always, yeah, you always go for the bad. What is that? Childhood. Do you think? No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. I mean, dude. Yeah. I don't know, man. I Don't know man Call my fucking parents. That's them, but aren't your parents rich My dad is wealthy wealthy. Well, my dad has money definitely like he's not like Fortune 500 he's not going down to check on the Titanic. Are you getting any of it later? I'm getting a little bit, yeah.

Yeah? Enough to be, does he help you at all? If I ask, I mean, yeah, but it's like, I don't want to borrow money from this fucking guy. I want to do it on my own. You want to do it on your own? Yeah. That's good.

So it's still bad. My mom's broke as shit, though. They don't live together? No, they're... He has a new wife? New wife. And you visit him? Yeah. I'm going to see him on Sunday. For Father's Day. Yeah. Yeah. What are you bringing him? I don't know, dude. I keep seeing this fucking thing on TikTok.

I keep getting these TikTok ads. Are you on TikTok? Like, I don't really go on it. I don't go on any. I don't really go on it. They sell shit on it. And they sell like, it's like cheap shit that comes on time. So you can wear it once and then it'll disintegrate the next day.

Right. But there's a book that I'm going to read. I'm going to read it. I'm going to read it. I'm going to read it. I'm going to read it. I'm going to read it. I'm going to read it. I'm going they sell like it's like cheap shit that comes on time so you can wear it once and then it'll Disintegrate the next day right, but there's a book. That's like you like

It's a big book of things your dad can fill out and it's like dad's life story It says like get this for your dad and it's like questions like who was the first girl you kissed and he'll put it in So I was like, maybe I'll do that. that that seems cool but he would never fill it out we actually have a recommendation we saw an ad that I think would be a great gift for your father if you're interested if this is a joke I'm gonna kill myself on this on the show yeah this is a this is an ad this is a commercial let's watch it we'll put our headphones on yeah put your headphones in and we'll watch this commercial we think it'd be a good product for a gift okay we're here to help on the YKWD podcast.

Go ahead, Danny. Let's press play. What is this? This is maybe you get something for your dad. Is that cum? It's cum. Shots of cum. Well, it's so. Oh, the product. It's called Seaman X. And the one on the left is how much you cum now, and the one on the right is how much you could be cumming if you take Semenex.

There you go, that's a great dad gift. I don't know. You think his new wife would like that? I don't know how much he cumms now. He could be a fucking... Look at all the come I mean do overflow I definitely need that because that that one on the left is barely me I came as much as that left one was I would go to the hospital On that right why what's wrong with the left one the left one's left one

I don't have enough. That's not as much come as I come you don't come you come that come you come that much come on the left Yeah, I before. The before picture. I could probably do most of the before. Maybe most of it. I don't know. I could have to wait like a week. I would never be able to come.

The second one is almost ridiculous. That's almost annoying to a girl if you came that much. I don't know, dude. I think. Why, you like come? don't know dude. I think uh... Why you like cum? I think they do. I think some chicks like getting filled up. You think that? Yes.

That's a lot dude. I know a lot of girls that I could text right now and I could go, Oh this is milk. That's hilarious. That's funny. You got them doing little bits. That's great. Love it. Why are you drinking the calm is this really calm? Yes, it's cool. That's my come I come pasteurized milk Can I drink that yeah, you can drink my come drink my come dude, what if you drink my come and you just in at the cellar

What if you drank my cum and you were just in at the cellar? I would cum. Hahaha. Hahaha. Was that really cum? You're telling me if I drink this whole thing I'll have Mike Feeney spots at the cellar? Hahaha. You'll actually kill Mike Feeney and take his spots. It was a little strenuous on our relationship for a while there. What is?

The trajectory that we had for the seller. Because all of us because I like fucked it up, I guess. You shut the AC off you called, right? No, I'm good. OK. Are you cold? Yeah, a little bit. Turn it off a little bit. There's a remote if you have it. Yeah, just turn it down.

Um. Damn, I should put that milk in my coffee. Ha ha ha. Hang on one sec. So, you and Feeny... We had to have a talk. You had a the talk? We had to have a talk where he was like... A friend talk. That happens with me and Feeny all the time.

Really? Yeah, I could see that. Well, it's just me with people. Like, I have this thing that when I'm, like, going through a depression, me, anything, I have the wall because I already have walls up. So the walls get fucking more walled up and I isolate and I just don't talk to anybody. So, you know, Feeny will be like, hey, are you fucking mad at me? Sounds so nice. What? To get a couple of days off from me?

No, not. You're such a negative dude. I'm not such a negative dude. I mean, no, for somebody who calls you, hey man, you mad at me, dude? Yeah. Yeah, that's a nice thing for a friend to do. Sure. And I always feel good after. So what? When we talk it out, I'm like, that's that's a nice thing for a friend to do sure and I always feel good after so what we talk it out

I'm like that's nice. So why don't you just initiate the talk when you feel it? I mean you had no problem with me tonight calling me a groomer Fucking abuser, I mean all kinds of shit tonight. No problem This is your this is gonna follow me to my grave. I don't know. I don't know. Because you know why? Because conflict is hard. For you. For me. Why? I don't know. I'm trying to get better at it which is why I was fucking attacking you when I first got here. So you want- I get ahead of you. So you get ahead of your... So you and Feeny, you guys were on the show,

I mean look, Feeny, love Feeny, but he's a hard, he's a hard, he's taxing. Is that a good word for him? Yeah, I guess so. I mean, what do you mean? In what way? In every way. You know what I mean?. What do you mean in what way in every way? You know I mean like he is he's Feeny I think everybody is kind of hard to be friends with and for like I'm definitely hard to be friends with yeah

I mean everybody yet We all have our little things that we do and you kind of work around them and Feeny You know if you get with the three of you together like a band for how long years years you guys were doing the thing together But you're a hundred percent different people. Yeah, like cannons. There's pot smoke and mushroom. Hey, man It's all good. And then Feeny is career orientated Right. I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna get it done trying to always figure the thing out very serious me me me me, me. Right. And you're kind of like, you know,

hey man, what's up guys? You're like, you're a mic on Orange County Choppers. I don't even know what that is. That's a fucking show that was on. All right, pull it up. Let's watch the first season. You're just a lovable guy that fucking, gets fucked up sometimes.

Are you calling him the third wheel? Who are you calling me a wheel, because I'm round? Watch the first season. You're just a lovable guy that fucking, you know, gets fucked up sometimes. Are you calling him the third wheel? Who are you calling me a wheel because I'm round? OK. Not the third wheel. I wouldn't say the third wheel, you fucking instigator. Who? Yes, being a gaslighting. I mean, that was some gaslighting. He's trying to get us to fight.

That's crazy. We should beat him up. No, but you're the you're the you're the one. You're the little brother in that mix. Yeah. Right. I guess so. I mean, I think it's yeah, I do feel a little brother E. Yeah. Yeah. But I think that's passed. It's done because you broke up.

Yeah. And you had to go out on your own. Yeah. And we're doing things on our own like there's a little bit more. Yeah. There there doesn't feel like that. I still feel like brothers, but I don't feel like the little one. You're not together anymore. You guys, you don't do anything together, right? No, I mean, they came on my podcast

and we did an episode and Mike came on again because we were just gonna hang out and smoke. And we were, I was doing the podcast at the time. Just came in and went on. But like, we all talk, like every day. Every day you talk to Feeny? Not every every day. Yeah I mean we text each other but not on the phone. I usually talk to Cannon. People have to call me that's the problem. I don't I don't really call anybody. I isolate and then Cannon knows

me well enough where he's he's like, Saga Lo's doing it again and he'll call me and be like how are you Are you all right? Right. How old are you? You did that for me too once. What'd I do? You called me once. It was really nice. Yeah, because I worry about you, dude.

You know, I, you know, I, we're not fucking best pals, but I've always had an affinity for you. All three of you idiots. You know what I mean? Yeah. I remember that. That meant a lot to me. And Ari.

Ari called me once two years ago And was and like gave me a nice little pep talk. Yeah, which I was like it came out of nowhere I was like he's doing this with everybody, you know, no, dude. You gotta let that go man It's hard to let love in why? Do you want a hug? Eventually, but right now I'm the fat the thought of us hugging right now. It makes my fucking dick sweat Why I don't it makes me nervous. I literally got a little like drop right here. I'll give you a hug right now You want a hug right now? Come on I can't I can't hold this you're doing good I can't breathe

you're right where you're supposed to be you're right where you're supposed to be I think you're right where you're supposed to be and it's alright okay you okay your eyes open yeah feel good alright who loves you? Yeah. Yeah. You're good. It does. All right. Cool. I was going to say Mike. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, a hundred percent not true That was the least gay thing I've done Yeah, I talked about that a lot with just can't take in the fucking love now none of it with comics dude We're fucked up. We're broken dude

the only way the only way we could do this shit gig and go through the the bullshit that we have to go through is by You know fucking being broken a little bit How the fuck how do you get on stage and make people laugh and deal with all the bullshit and the club owners and the other comedians and the people passing you and the people beneath you and going up and going down in your own trajectory of your career, you know? And then, you know, why would any sane person want to do that?

Why won't you just go fucking get a job that pays you once we show up and then party on weekends and do your shit? We don't. Our weekends are trying to get on stage and do real shows. Our weeks are let's go try to work on new jokes and get on stage. And it's a fucking, it's a shitty, crazy ride that you can't get away from like heroin.

You can't. While also trying to ignore all of the bullshit that like you don't even need to hear. Like there's shit that's like what that bothers me and it'll take me off for like a week and that has nothing to do with me. And I didn't need even need to give a shit about that. Yeah. Does that make any sense? Yeah. Give me an example. Like, you know, when you compare, if you're comparing to somebody or whatever, or if you you don't if you get rejected for a Audition or you know, whatever whatever the fuck dude. It's hard to not compare, you know

It's so I mean I I what helped me is I actually just came I was just like you're crazy I'm crazy. Yeah, I have a part of my brain that's fucking nuts And I now being aware of being crazy, right now that I know, oh this is happening, oh I'm being my crazy, my craziness is happening. That thing inside of me that was plugged in wrong is going down. So, okay, it's alright, it's gonna suck.

And then just, you're gonna get through it. At some point, later in in the day something good will happen You'll feel better and it'll be gone and then you can evaluate it later and try to figure it out Yeah, I mean yes, I went I'll go through that I'll be having the best day of my life and then all of a sudden somebody will say one thing, right? And I'll be like what the fuck was that? Yeah, and I'm like fucking I'm gonna fucking defend myself And then you're like no no, you don't. You don't have to do it.

Just fucking relax. But don't, isn't there some part that is also like, yeah, do it. Do it. Do it in an extent, like, defend yourself and then, and not give a shit. Like, just do it. If you want to do it, do it. Right? Isn't that also?

That's that punk rock shit in you that you have. You know what I mean? But there's like a part of me that is like a lot of the time I'm trying not to feel the feelings the bad feelings, you know what I mean? And I'm like gotta feel them. Yeah, you gotta feel them when you run if you run away from the bad feeling shit You're saving them. You're not running. They're not going anywhere, right? You're saving them if you go through them, they they're gone. Yeah, they're out of it. But that's what I'm saying.

Like, isn't there a thing of like if you are if you defend yourself and you get all fucking riled up, isn't there a party that's like, good, good. I'm happy I defended myself. And getting riled up comes with it. But was it defending yourself or was it just acting out? Right. I guess that's the are you acting out isn't defending yourself letting go and letting something pass through you Like if something like just if somebody does something was says something more something happens It's like are you're in traffic and somebody's fucking with you. Let it go and just get home Right, and then all of a sudden it's like, what was I thinking?

Right. Because you don't know the outcome of fucking losing it. You think you do, but you don't know whether it be like a fight or fucking screaming at somebody. You know, you don't know the outcome. You think you do. You think you know it. Yeah.

But all of a sudden somebody falls and somebody gets hurt and now you're arrested or you're hurt or you're... Who the fuck knows what's gonna happen in that situation? The only time you should ever get crazy and say fuck it is when you have to. When someone you know and love is in jeopardy, right? Everything else is like who cares?

It's so hard to have that who cares though, especially when you're like being disrespected in a way. You know what I mean? But when you're disrespected, it's really, a lot of times you're not being disrespected. It's your own insecurities that think you're being disrespected and you're not. I mean you came in here and called me a pedophile.

And then you said I'm grooming people. And then you called me, What else did you call me? I said you were a very nice guy with great energy. I'm so excited for this podcast. But, you know, that's your defense. I mean, if you did say that, it would have been we would have started off on a hearing this. I feel like if I would have said that you would have got one like this.

Yeah, me too, buddy. Now, no, that would have made me happy. But to know, you know, I got to just remember people are doing their own thing. So if you're like I was talking to my son or something, it's like, oh, yeah, I'll tell you when I texted and you saw the text. Yeah. My son texted me. Oh, that's nice. That's great. So you were wrong. Yeah, I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm like thinking you're being rude and you're just saying I love you to your son. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I'm just saying I love you. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I don't even care. Like I'll like I just put it on a little bit. I'm like, I wouldn't care if you're texting. Why, let me ask, because you're one of the most emotional dudes I know. You go from fucking one to 11 fast.

Right, but you also think that I'm, every time, and I know exactly the story you're about to bring up, but the one at Connecticut, the Fairfield one? It's happened other times. It's not just that one. It's happened other times. It's happened other times. It's happened other times. Yeah, but I'm not just... A lot of the times I'm just kind of like playing into it. Like I'm like, you know, somebody says something to me, I'm like, fuck yeah, I don't really care, you know? Right, okay, yeah. kind of playing a character. I think you're you're you're a fucking

Very unique dude man when it comes to shit like that your emotions are what makes you interesting that you you don't know What the fuck you're gonna get interesting? See that shit Yeah, I've always been weird. I've always been so fun. Like, I could feel when I was younger kids. Like, luckily, I've had tons of friends. Like, you can find your weirdos. Yeah, didn't you say that to me, too? I don't have a lot of friends.

No. I mean, maybe. I'm sorry, what happened in Connecticut? I can show you what happened. You can show? What are you having on? What are you watching? We'll reenact it.

Ready? You're on stage. I don't remember. I'll just go with whatever was. Are you me? I'm going to be doing my act, you know, blah, blah, blah. You heckled me, right? You were. I was doing my act. You said something and I said something to you as effect. Like, uh, whatever. You were like, fuck you. No, but you can try that. Yeah. Do that. All right. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, man. You know, try that. Yeah, do that. Alright. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So yeah, man, you know, you ever... Hey, fuck you! You fuck you too! Fuck you! That's what you did. Well, you know, don't heckle me. Well, I was with you and my friend, and I was kind of playing with you. We were actually doing a show outdoors in the daylight. I also think I was very energetic at that time too. I was trying to be energetic because I thought that's what would get laughs. So I was-

Rage energy? A hundred percent, dude. I've gone through the gauntlet of different emotions on stage to be like, maybe I'm the angry guy or maybe I'm like the sad guy, you know what I mean? Where you're like trying to find this fucking voice. I mean, look, I think we all do that. I've tried to fucking do that. Sure, but like at a certain point you go,

I'm just gonna be me. If I'm mad about a situation, I'm going to be mad in the joke about it. If I'm sad about something, you know. I used to get mad at women at shows talking and shit a lot. I would hear them or see them on their phone. I don't really give a fuck anymore. I thought that I was going to change them.

I was going to be the vigilante that's going to go, you are fucking this and that and blah. And she's going to be like, oh my God, you're right and I'm wrong She's just gonna go fuck you. Yeah, and I'm gonna go fuck you and then she's gonna lose her shit And I'm gonna go you're a fucking idiot And now I'm in the fight with some girl who I will never see again in my life Nor will she ever buy a ticket to me nor did she come here for me Yeah, but you want you want to you want to be you're going to get what you deserve for this situation. Jesus Christ, it's the scariest thing anybody's ever done to me.

But for the longest time, I especially in comedy, because you're coming up trying to keep your head down, you're not trying to like, I'm not trying to like ruffle any feathers, I'm just taking shit. You just take shit, take shit, take shit. And then eventually I'm like, I'm gonna snap on every single person. They're gonna know not to fuck with me. And that's kinda like where I was at. Now I'm a little bit more calmer

when it comes to hecklers and shillies. You're better now. Yeah, I had a situation, I was at a comedy club in New Jersey, and right by the beach. And... Where was it? Uncle Vinny's. and right by the beach. Where was it? Uncle Vinny's. I don't know.

I just wanted to say the beach. I was trying to give you clues. I got it. There's two clubs in Jersey, three. And I'm on stage and I'm featuring for somebody and there was a little gaggle of B you know, bachelorette party. Yeah, fucking Jersey Shore women. Right.

Right. Which is that club. Yeah, and I should have been, well, you know what? I'm gonna give that guy a break because I tried every single way to get these women to stop talking. Like what? I mean, I went through the 101. Let me be the girl.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyways, yeah, anyways. Hey, what are you guys talking about? Nothing. You're funny. All right. Well, you know, try to keep it down because I'm doing my thing and we didn't all pay to hear you guys talk, right?

Right? That's anyways. I was going, he's so annoying. Guys, can you, can you, can you please? I'm doing my thing Please please let me do my thing. We were just laughing You weren't laughing you were talking we were laughing. We're not supposed to laugh Okay, okay, whatever. Okay. Anyways, do you Joe and then I eventually you jokes? Oh Now this was not if this was this person

Yeah, I would have thrown the I would have been had an opposite Ariel Elias and I would have thrown a beer right at her fucking face. If that was the person doing that, but they were just talking and I was going through all the 101 bullshit of like trying to get them to stop. And then I just eventually went, shut the fuck up. I went, shut the fuck up. You guys gotta shut the fuck up.

Please, shut the fuck up. And they're like, oh, they got offended. I went you guys got to shut the fuck up. Please shut the fuck up and they're like Oh, they got offended What are you gonna do they stood up left? Complained to Dino. Well Dino wasn't even there was his brother Yeah, so complained to his brother and I went home that night and then I came back cuz you know how Dino gives you a bunch of things at once. Yeah. So the next time I came back was like months later and Dino's like hey, what's going on? I'm like, hey man, how you doing?

You know, I'm like, you know, just completely even forgot about it. And he goes, he goes, hey, I got to talk to you about something. Oh boy. I'm like, what's up, man? And he's like, you can't tell a crowd to shut the fuck up. And then he go, and I was like, I was kind of like, oh man, but you know, they weren't, they wouldn't stop talking. I tried everything.

And then he went, I just don't think you're skilled enough to handle that situation. And this was like two years ago. Oh really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like two, three years ago. And I was just like, you know, with all due respect, I was like, you don't have security here, you know?

So I probably could have handled that situation a little bit better. I think now I would have just done my act brainless. That's the worst when you got to be brainless up there. That's what I'm saying. Just get through it. It sucks. I didn't want to do that. Yeah, you don't want to do that, but there is a...

I mean, I had a lady, I had a table do the same thing to me, and Dino and his brother both fought the guy. Did they really? Dude, the whole club emptied out. I mean, dude, it was crazy. The fucking, the guy wouldn't shut the fuck up. He was on his phone. As soon as I got on, they're checking the scores

of the game. Yeah, of course. And I'm like, dude, you're in the front row, get off. And I played with him and fucked with him and blah, blah, blah. And then a woman that's not even his, was his wife, was a girl, a wife of the guy next to him that was actually enjoying the show that probably, I think was a fan and brought this fucking woman that doesn't like comedy.

And I was like, she was like, you're fucking rude. I go, you're fucking, you know, and it went nuts. He stood up and they were like, get the fuck out. And he was like, fuck you. And then Dino doesn't take that shit. He was like, fuck you, go. And then the other guys, his wife came up on stage and grabbed them, tried to grab the mic out of my hand.

And then some fan stood up, this big motherfucker, and just stood between me and this little four foot two woman that probably could have took me if she really wanted to. Yeah, give you a ball kick. And then they went outside and the guy pushed Dino's brother. Dino fucking grabbed him. And then all my male fans stood up and went outside. It was just a nightmare for this guy.

That sucks. Yeah, it was sucked for him and for them. Because then they left. What sucks is after people get kicked out like that Yeah What's up? You got to talk about it the entire time you have to be like, yeah Well, I'm thinking of fighting I feel the as soon as you can get out of it get out of it

Yeah, as soon as you can go into a joke that works Bingo, right go and people recognize that too. They go. Oh, that was clean and now we're gonna pay attention Yeah, we're back in and then you know the guys who went outside came back in Dean on them But you've run into those see what we do is fucking nuts I know and I really need to like that's what I'm going to therapy for working on my anger and shit because One of these fucking days I'm gonna be at someplace and someone's gonna like someone's just gonna catch me on the wrong day And I'm gonna like go to jail. You know what I mean? I'm so glad that this episode will be in the Netflix documentary Comic kills

local nobody Iowa just feeny I knew it was gonna happen. I you know I knew it was gonna happen soon as he stopped calling me Local nobody murders in Iowa. Just feening. I knew it was going to happen. I knew it was going to happen. As soon as he stopped calling me. Hey, have you ever dropped the mic? Like have you ever like in... I told a really good joke.

I'm out. Never. Really? No. Not once? Why would I do that? I'm a white guy from Boston. I think that's awesome.

If I ever drop the mic in front of any of my friends in this business... Yeah. If I ever drop the mic in front of Big Jay Okerson, he'd be like, Eww. Eww. Eww. Yeah, that would be awful. Oh, it would be fucking terrible.

I've dropped the mic before. Like how? On what joke was it? Let me tell you if it's my... It wasn't a joke. I was getting heckled. That's why I was thinking about it. Okay. I was getting heckled by some lady. Yeah, pretend this is the mic. Pretend the water bottle is the mic. Okay. And I was going, I'm getting heckled by some lady and she goes, she calls me fat, right? So easy. Okay. I just pulled like, this is a Winston Churchill line and I went, I went lady, I just pulled like this is a Winston Churchill line and I went and lady I could lose weight But you're always gonna be a cunt and everyone's like yeah, and I went peace. This was years ago, by the way This wasn't like yes. Yeah

And then the guy the host after me had to come and it was like a showcase Oh, I dropped the mic in a showcase show and the the host had a comeback up here to walk up and be like Yeah the mic at a showcase show and the host had to come back up. He had to walk up and be like um yeah well he puts his mouth anyway he's like oh yeah oh so that was everybody brittany salvo brittany salvo yeah it felt good dude i want to do that you want to be that guy i would just yeah yeah. I think it would be really cool. I think you should just accept that you're crazy. That's it. You're crazy, dude. Your wires are not wound right.

And that's all right. None of us are. Yeah. Yeah, dude. We're all fucking whacked out. Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, you're all right, dude. You're crazy.

Yeah, I'm a little nuts. Sometimes I fucking do stupid shit. Sometimes I do awesome shit. Yeah, well, don't do that anymore. Sometimes I'm just crazy enough to drop the mic. Yeah, I's okay. Yeah, you're all right, dude. You're crazy. Yeah, I'm a little nuts. Sometimes I fucking do stupid shit sometimes I do awesome. Yeah, well don't do that anymore. Sometimes. I'm just crazy enough to drop the mic That just might be crazy enough to work You should do that every show if I have like a terrible or like a one mediocre set and I'm like, okay Well, yeah, and that's why Biden shouldn't be president

Like I wasn't even talking about that like how did he fucking It's so funny to do that after a mediocre set, even doing that thing where you're like, you know, a lot of comics try to leave on a big closer. But I guess not me. Peace. I had a guy go. He did a whole thing. And then at the end, he'd go, you know, some at the end of your day. You're a minute left. You run around and do a bunch of work and get all sensed.

No, you don't. What do you do? You just leave and he would walk off stage. Slowly put the mic on the stool sideways and walk off. I can't handle the, like, it cringes me when comics have that like, not like, I know it's their work and all that stuff, but like, when they have that joke where they're like, not like, I know it's their work and all that stuff, but like when they have that joke where they're like,

you know, they get on stage and they're like, oh, do you start right away when you get to work? And it's like, well, my work doesn't involve starting right away. Yours does. You can't do that. It's like not funny. Yeah, it's like crutches.

I used to hate, I used to hate feature acts so much. I just hated every technique. I hate when a comic goes, all right, I've got to get out of here. Yeah, we know. At some point, that's going to happen. That's a hilarious thing to glob onto. I hate it. I've never even thought of being upset by someone that's like, I've got to get out of here. No, because it's, hey, this is my last one.

Right. It's a, no, they're looking for, oh, no. Right, right, right. They're looking for that thing. So what you're saying is, especially if you're a feature, don't say the. How's this? You get 25 minutes, 20 minutes.

Do jokes. Right. Don't stop for a t-shirt break. You don't need to. You don't need to go, hey, guys. You don't need to do the joke that's on the shirt Right, and then go, you know, all right before I go I got one after my sales pitch I go I got I got one more thing to say. Yeah, say I Totally agree with that. Yeah, it's like it's like doing a commercial before the last five minutes of the movie

It's a trick actually because you, because you're telling them, this is my last joke, so you better fucking laugh, and you better laugh big. Yeah. I hate when they use my name, too. Oh, when they go up and they're like, oh, and then we're gonna see Bobby tonight, you can see Robert Cavanagh tonight.

Danny uses my name in his day. You still do that? Yeah, he does. So I, here we go. And he does it twice, which annoys me twice. Well he's, Bobby's told me once that you can say it this time because it's a punchline. I'll use his name as a punchline. You use his name as a punchline? Yeah he uses any headliner that he's on, not just me, but whoever's on the show. So there's a thing where I'm pretending I'm pitching

some bullshit and I just say it like three times and I go and I'm just we're I'm boring the audience on purpose and I go this is the rest of the show and then I say it a third time and then I go Robert Kelly or whoever the headliner Robert Kelly is not here and then I say it a fourth time it's just it I don't really get it it's it's basically I want you to do I'm gonna keep doing this he's not coming up this is the whole show I'm gonna keep doing this, he's not coming up, this is the whole show, I'm gonna repeat this line over and over. And it does get a laugh.

I can't, if it didn't get a laugh and he did it, I'd be like, blech. I hate, it's funny because it's like, a lot of, sometimes I love a good stand up trick. Like I'm like, oh that was kind of smart and funny, like, you know, I can't think of any right now. But. Because I was about to ask you. I saw your lips turning into a what. We're doing a show and you're saying, dude, I hate this. I

don't know what I'm talking about. And I have no examples at all. So you'll have to do the work for yourself. I know you're listening to this right now on your headset. So hey, figure it out. Well, I don't know. How do I think of something? I can't I can't because you said you love it. I don't think about things that I like a lot. I can't name things that I love. That's my other problem.

I can only specifically name things I hate. OK, this is something you hate. Oh, no, this is something you love. I know. Sometimes I like tricks. There are some tricks where I'm like, oh that was clever. Like if you're doing it in a bit or whatever. But then there's some I fucking hate. What's the worst one?

Trick? Probably when someone is like, oh I haven't had a drink in whatever years. And then waits for the applause. I haven't had a drink in whatever years and then weights Yeah applause I I don't like that there you know not even that you know that's fine That's fine If you go if you go like yeah, I haven't had a drink for a while and if people clap whatever you know You can't control that clap, but then they if they go a clap to her But and then they go don't do that cuz then I will have a drink

And then that gets a laugh and it's like will ya? There's a comic in Jersey City that when he's hosting I do it he says give it up for them and if he's doing a 10 minute set I'll count it like he goes how long you been together they'll go three years I would give it up for three years but I'll do that 18 times in a 10 minute set. Well you know I also don't like talking too much about things that I hate about comedy, because I, like, who am I? You know what I mean? You're a comic. I know, but I guess, yeah. You know what? That's funny, because this is another thing

me and Alan talk about a lot, where I'm like, I don't want to be that guy that's, and he's like, do it, who cares? He's like, enjoy the hatred. Just hate things. You don't have to let it affect you. It's the exact opposite of what he tells me. The sweater guy. The exact opposite what he tells me. I swear to God. The exact opposite. Really? You don't have to go to war.

Stop fighting the world. Who cares? Think about the things that you have. Right. You know, you have, you know, I mean, you have a good life. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's the exact opposite. Well, if I'm telling him, like, if I'm like, oh, man, there's this guy.

I just saw this guy fucking hated this comic. He's such a hack. Blah, blah, blah. Like, I can't believe that the the the the that. Oh, you're comparing your you're you're ripping somebody down. Yeah. Yeah. But he will say. But and then I'll go, I don't want to do that because we're all fighting the same fight in a way. You know what I mean? Like, I know exactly what that guy's feeling, what he's going through when it comes to this shit.

And Alan will just be like, who cares? Fucking hate him. Who cares? Right. He's like, hate him. Who gives a shit? It doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't matter. I mean, don't go hate him on every podcast. No. Name him by name. But no, Mike, you know. No, I'm kidding. him by name but no Mike you know you know Feeney's gonna hear this hey buddy yeah give me a call man real funny hey man are we cool are we cool dude he loves

saying what's your damage what's your damage flips his hair I can't wait till he starts wearing glasses yeah you know he used to work at a surf shop I in that perfect. Oh perfect that perfect for him. What's your damage, bro? Yeah, you're out you got we have Mike Cannon coming out tomorrow great yeah, I love that fucking guy got any stories Yeah, I mean tons. I wait give me something bad. Well one time. Oh, okay, so One time we were doing a gig up in this it was st Patrick's Day, and we're doing a gig upstate where the lady The wife of the the person who owns the restaurant picked us up in Queens and drove

It was like kind of like an hour and a half two hours had to drive and we do the gig We do it's two shows on st. Patrick's Day in a restaurant. I'm opening cold, bringing him up, he's doing an hour, whatever. We're, the first show goes great, it was awesome. And then the second show, not so good. And fucking, I hope he doesn't even, I think we've talked about those on podcast,

but Mike and the owner were getting into it. Like I was taking shots at the bar, I was like, I don't give a fuck, you know, which was probably why the show, honestly, it's probably why the show sucked because I was like getting drunk and being a terrible opener and being like, huh, huh, huh, and then they lost confidence in the show

and Mike was not having it. So Mike walked off like 10 minutes into his set, 10 minutes into like an hour set. He was supposed to do a headline set? Yeah. And he walked off. He walked off. Yeah. He goes, I'm not doing this. Have a good night. Thank you. Gets off and I'm like, so it's awkward, but I'm like taking shots, having fun. I'm like, you know, St. Patrick's day. And then the wife, the lady that drove us was like,

um, I think maybe you should, she was very timid. She was like, even in this, she was like, um, they're fighting outside and I don't know what to do and I was like what? And I left the bar I come out they are face to face him and the owner and I just get right between them And I'm like, I'm like I'm like hey, what's going on here? And the guy goes I paid you the guy had already paid us and he was like I paid you for your time You gotta do the time which is true And he was like, I paid you for your time. You got to do the time, which is true. Yeah, I mean, it's 100 percent.

It's 100 percent true. But they were just so disrespectful. These people, they weren't even listening. So it'd be like Mike is just talking into the thin air. But whatever. And he and the guy's like, you got to do the time. You got I paid you. I paid you. And we were getting paid a lot of money.

And Mike reaches into his pocket. Oh, no. And goes goes I don't even want your fucking money and as he's he takes it out I like grabbed his arm and I was like oh don't act all rash you know I saved him from from throw he was gonna throw that money in that dude's face it really yeah and then the whole thing he had to drive us back to Queens and the whole time we're talking shit on her husband. Just like in a car not even Recognizing that she was there. We're just going that fucking guy Yeah, I would have killed him. Yeah

Driving us back and then we went back to this was so many years ago that we went back to Queens And we just got fucking hammered. Oh my god. Yeah, I mean we I used to go I used to open for him all the time I have tons of Stories that are like of us just being like on the road, you know losing it Has he he seems like he has a temper too. He used to he doesn't anymore He's he's as emotional as the rest of us, but he doesn't get like that anymore because he does a lot of drugs He does a lot of drugs. He's microdosing He's got kids like he's got a kid a kid on the way. You have a girlfriend

We broke up why? Because we were we were just two different people two ships passing in the night two ships passing in the night No, we were fucking two ships colliding in the night constantly really yeah, we were always fighting dude We were always fine sometimes. It was about your fucking buddy, Bill Burr. Why would you fight about, why would you? Well she was just, you know. You fought about her. Could you fucking imagine?

Because I was like watching her. I mean, yes, I've lived with him. I know, but I was like watching one of his specials and he's doing a joke. You know, he's being like, women are nagging and nagging. And I can tell, like I know, I'm not, I understand being like, what the, being like women and nagging and nagging and I can tell like I know I'm not I understand being like what that being like a woman and being like fuck this guy Yeah, but you know we would get in a weekend and she would be like that and she goes but it wouldn't be like fuck This guy. Can you turn this off? It'd be like you believe this shit and I'd be like, I don't know I mean, it's a funny joke. I don't give a shit. Like, I was more for jokes. She was more for- Fuck her.

I mean, come on, dude. You're a comedian. You're watching one of the great comedians. Yeah, it's jokes too, honey. I know. I would've said, listen, listen, honey. Chill out, babe. Oh, I've said-

Go get me something to eat. Yeah, well, I would, I was like, I literally was like, literally he's doing a joke about women nagging and she's like And I was just like what are you gonna nag me? She's doing exactly this. Yeah. Yeah, I was like what's the plan here? You're just gonna like now I fucking now I really do believe this like I don't get people that think that if you think Something is funny you believe it. I mean, maybe you slightly do of course isn't true. She's doing what he said. Yeah. Yeah, she's Lily She's nagging you out of liking something right because she so she wants you to like her comedy

Well stakes like the rest of it's all come from Childhood shit like I'm giving her a break because she's she had it rough. You know what I mean? We all had it rough I know I know you that's your problem. You need to tell it a fuck-off Alan's right about you. I mean I did What'd you say? I? Said I said I want to break up That she moved and then she moved out Doesn't sound too harsh. I went if it's okay. Can you please leave the apartment? So why did you start drinking again, dude? What happened?

Dude, I don't know how did you fall off the wagon? Well, you know what they say and why we it starts You relapse before you relapse. Yes So I was like feeling that I was like man. I want to drink dude I have a you know a lot of pressure like my dad's sick and like all that stuff and and you know comedy is hard you know, so there's just a lot of pressure, like my dad's sick and all that stuff, and comedy is hard, so there's just a lot of pressure. And I was just like, you watch people drink, and I'm sure you still got that too, where it's like, no matter how many years you're sober,

you see someone having fun drinking, you're like, maybe I can do this. You got that fucking, that lizard brain going like, do it, dude, you can do it. I never do that. Drinking to me was always a fucking violent, terrible thing. I never drank.

Well, you stopped when you were like eight, right? I stopped when I was 15, but it was a, and still to this day, I see people drinking, the switch that goes off in them, where they become annoying, loud, aggressive, and it's not the same. When you become somebody else, that's why pot doesn't really bother me that much.

Cause it's just, it's them, just a quieter or fucking weirder them. Alcohol, it's something the aggressions come out and booze. And people get mad and they get like, they like misinterpret what you're saying. And they're just annoying and they smell like a fucking ashtrays pussy. They're Ashtrays have pussies. I didn't know the way I'm fucking them. They did

He put two ashtrays together. Maybe like a bar of soap or something you Butter some butter heat it up. I love that you're working this out Write this down send this to me text. Haha. So you so you what was the final straw that made you drink again? It this is you want to you know what sad about it. It was a nice day It was last saying it was st. Patrick's Day So it was a nice day, and I was alone because I was just I just didn't I didn't want to I was isolating So I wasn't calling anybody or any of that shit shit and I was like this is a really nice day I should drink and I went to a bar and I

Just fucking took a shot and I drank and thinking did all day and it felt great It felt fucking awesome, and I was happy for the first time in forever I mean like I'm like you know you can get happy, but this was like enjoying people happy You know what I mean where you're like oh like look at us You know I never mean? Where you're like, Oh, like, look at us. You know, I never, I never feel that way. Sober. I never look at people and I'm like humans, you know, we're doing it.

Right. But when I'm drinking, I'm like, Oh yeah. I love earthlings, man. Like we're all together. They're playing all this. I went to a Irish proper bra bar bar, and I fucking was just drinking with a bunch of Irish people and having a blast, and I started at three, I left at two a.m.

Two a.m., maybe 2.30. And then you went home and shit your pants. And then I went home and shit my pants. And I, and I, I showered. Are you drinking again? No, I'm off. You're off. I'm off again. You immediately went off. The next day I went I went I was like, I'm not doing that again.

Yeah, I don't even want I don't have the desire to but sometimes I fucking do. Right. Like seeing like comics that can do it, you know, and I it's not like I can't do it. I can do it. See, this is the brain. Yeah, lizard brain going. You can do this. Let's see. This is the brain. The lizard brain going, you can do this. Yeah, you're giving yourself that out. Yeah. Always giving yourself that out. Well, because, you know, there are some people who when they rock bottom or whatever, like they were bad, like like someone like Ian or whatever, who is like if he fucking goes off, he'll be, you know, he'll get AIDS.

He'll get AIDS. Yeah. They'll suck AIDS out of somebody like venom. But me, I'm just like, I might shit my pants. I'm sitting my pants. I'm not shitting someone else's pants. I'm not getting pants AIDS. I'm just shitting my pants and I buy yourself by myself puffy and fucking You know if I'm if I'm like in a relationship My judgment is off. You know what I mean? I'm like I'm like I should just fucking I should be like a single guy

Because I'm having so much fun, it's like imagine if my life was fucking like this you know what I mean Yeah, but your life is good, dude. Yeah. You're a stand-up comic in New York City. I'm doing what I want, like, I'm doing what I wanna do. And yeah, exactly. You're doing what you wanna do, you got good friends around you, people like ya,

you're in at clubs in New York, which is the dream just most comedians out there. Right. Right. Right. And you fucking you know, you're trying to fix yourself. Right. You're constantly trying to evolve. You can't ask for anything more the out of yourself than that. You know, you're going to have those days where you're like, this sucks. I'm alone.

You know, my fucking every friend is married, has a kid. Yeah. Has a place to live, has a house, has a car, have holidays together and fucking enjoy each other, a lot of love, a lot of good feelings, and they seem like they're happy, and everything's great with them, and I'm alone, I'm in a studio, in a bed by myself. Yeah.

Yeah, you should drink, dude. You should definitely drink. I'm gonna say, Alan's right, you should get angry and drink. No, I'm kidding, dude. No, I don't feel that anymore. I mean, I did go to a wedding last weekend, and I was feeling it, but I called Ian and I was like, hey, Mac, you just talked me

off the ledge real quick. Hey, buddy, you can call me anytime. On a, when you're on a ledge. Not like, don't call me, just. I'm like, what's your favorite color? If you'd call me with that, I would definitely do this. What is your favorite? My wife's calling me.

Dawn, what's up, you all right? Hey, Doug. Hey, buddy, I would definitely do this. What is your favorite? My wife's calling me. Dawn, what's up? You all right? Hey, Dad. Hey, buddy, I'm on the podcast. I love you. I love you. What's wrong? You what?

What's a Tdap? It's something that six-reed requires. What's a T DAP? It's something that six-rate requires. It's a shot. Oh, your shoulder from your shots. Oh, yeah. Oh, buddy, I'm sorry. I'm gonna get two on my left arm and one on my right arm.

Right. I was just gonna say do it on my ass. I mean, on my ass. I gotta go. I'm actually gonna ask. I love you, I gotta go. I'll be home very shortly, okay? I'll be home as soon as I can, dude. I gotta, you can't.

I gotta go. Max, I love you so much. Dawn, I gotta go. Dad. What? I love you. I love you. Bye, buddy. I'll see you in the morning, good night.

I really wanted us to have a little bit of a go. Okay, goodbye, Max, I gotta go. I love you, I'll see you tomorrow, bye. Bye, dad, I love you. Bye buddy. I'll see you in the morning. Good night Okay, goodbye Max. I gotta go. I love you. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye. Oh Man your kid rules man. I love him. He's funny, dude And I love that you guys have that I love you kind of shit like I didn't start telling my dad I love him till like a year ago. That's wild. Isn't that crazy? But you did it. But I did it. You did it. Yeah. Most guys never do that. It's hard. A lot of guys don't. It's hard. Yeah. We would be like, alright, see ya buddy. I asked my dad, I went out to dinner with him recently and I went, why didn't our family ever say I love you?

Like I was like, we never were like a close family. And he was like, he's like, yeah, you know, I just, he's like, my father never said it. He never heard his dad say it. He said, the closest I heard my dad to saying he loves me is he overheard him and his mom arguing, and his dad went, he knows I love him!

Which is as close as he got to his dad saying I love you. Yeah. We just didn't get it. dad saying, I love you. Yeah. And then he died. We just didn't get it. Our generation, I know people say, who the fuck are you doing? But our generation, just, that wasn't what you did with kids. You just, you had them, you put a roof over their heads,

you fed them, you went to work, and that's it. You didn't show kids, especially man on man affection. And then we grew up all fucking twisted But it did create some of the best comedians in the world You're looking at them You're looking at him and Brendan Sagalow No, dude, I know it is it does give you what you're the ability to get on stage and do what you do So yeah, yeah, I mean that's why I'll never, my kid,

I'll fucking tell him I love him until he dies. Right, you don't want him to do stand up? No, he can do whatever he wants. I have no, I don't, I don't, someone actually explained being a father very well. You're a shepherd. You're not a teacher, you're not a master. You can't tell him what to do or how to do it.

You can just shepherd him into certain pastures and let them figure it out. Yeah, that's all you gotta do. I think I want a kid Yeah, dude. I tell you right now having a kid made me the best person ever You know because I he my kid has the the ability to say dad You know what you're doing right now is wrong. And if he's right, I apologize. I'm like, you know what? You're right. That's great. You're right. I'm messing up right now and I apologize. But what you're doing sucks to you, little fuck.

Yeah. My parents never said I like my mom never said I'm sorry until hours and hours later, like like at like 230. I would like after a big fight of her like being like, you're so stupid, you know, calling me like names and shit, then she'd open the door and be like hair you up Yeah, we were called stupid idiots fucking assholes Yeah, all the fuck up all the time. Yeah, you know I'm on one time I said the max go dude don't stop don't be a jerk and he's like dad that doesn't make me feel good Oh, I was like I didn't mean to do this. I'm sorry. You're not being a jerk You know, I just don't that's not smart what you're doing right now. Use your brain, right?

You know what I mean? But you know, you're smart, but it's hard dude. It's but you'd be a great dad, dude You should think about that. I think so. Yeah, I mean you have to have a girl to get that first I am dating a girl right now. Oh, you are? Yeah, she's fucking cool. Cool as shit? She's so cool, man. She's in Fiji right now

because she got a writing job for Love Island. Oh. So they're like, you know, she's fucking 16 hours ahead. I think it's. Is she a comedian? Yeah. Okay. It's hard to date a comic, man.

It is hard. Well, my last chick was a comic. The Bill Burr girl, she was a comic too. Okay. It's hard to date a comic. It is hard. Well my last chick was a comic. The Bill Burr girl, she was a comic too. Exactly. Which makes you like, you're a comic. Like how do you not fucking, you don't have to like this guy, but how do you not respect him?

Is she a funny comic? She was funny. I mean in her own way, she's not like funny like us. But she is funny. She's not watching my show. Trust me, if she hates her, she hates me. Okay, so don't have to worry about it. Well, you know, I think she did have, she was funny.

I think there was like, she had a couple of things where I was like, that's a good bit. You know. Stop, don't look at me like that, bro. But this new girl changing the subject is very cool. She's sweet. Good man. Listen bro, I've always said you're fucking hilarious guy

and you're human. There's only one Sagalow man. There's only one Sagalow. There's only one dude like you. You walk in a room and you fucking stand out and you just gotta, the shit you're working through is all fucking for where you're gonna go right you know where you're going man so don't you know you get down you get fucked up know that every

single person you know Chris Rock, Chappelle, me, Burr we all have that same day that same bullshit right and we just deal with it different yeah you know and you just don't hear about it I just don't you think that you're the so unique you're not unique at all no no you're not I mean you did just say I when I walk into a room I'm unique I mean you're unique as far as physical nobody else looks like one of those sandbags in theaters. I listen sagalow. We're going to wrap this up. But what do you what do you got coming on?

I got a new podcast coming out. Well, out. It's out now called Sag Daddy, the pod. It's awesome. Ian did it. Mike Feeney, Mike Cannon did. We got a lot of awesome episodes. And then I'm putting out a special in August. Where are you putting it out? Probably YouTube, because that's just kind of how it feels. Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's...

Where did you do it? I did it at New York Comedy Club. Oh, that's great. Yeah, it was awesome, dude. He's actually helping a lot of comedians. Who, Emilio in there? Yeah. Yeah, he's my manager.

Yeah, dude, he's helping a lot of guys get up off the ground and pulling a lot of people up with him. Yeah, he's a cool dude, and they just... They're opening that new club, too. They just took over Stand people up with him. Yeah, he's a cool dude and they're opening that new club too. They just took over Stand Up New York. Yeah, he's fucking, he really gives a fuck about New York Stand Up. And he's changed the game. New York Comedy Club was terrible and now it's awesome. And that club in Connecticut, me and Danny worked, it was fucking great.

Fuck, dude, that room, even when it's not packed it's it's sick man It's like they're really good Like the staff is great staff is awesome green room is yeah now he's fixing stand-up. New York is gonna be great So yeah, he's they're putting a mural of Canon in it. I think that's hilarious. I think that's the plan You can check me out at punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly slash tickets to get all my stuff. San Diego, Mike Drop Comedy, great club down there. The owners are real sweet and nice. I'll be out there.

So check out that page, punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. And of course, join the Patreon. If you're not a member of the Patreon and you wanna support the show, get an extra episode every week with me and Mush, the Extra Extra, punchup.live slash slash Robert Kelly if you're watching on YouTube do me a favor and hit that subscribe button Like button comment all that jazz And I want to thank everybody who's watching and listening and we're gonna go to the patreon right now

We got questions for you from the fan awesome So if you want to be part of that and ask questions to my guests and you want to see the questions being answered by the patreon people go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly and you can do that and you're supporting the show guys what do you got you could follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and I'm gonna be headlining the dojo comedy at New Year's Eve in Morris Plains New Jersey and of course if you go to YouTube type in cheese show it's the first thing that comes up check out the cheese show all right there you go we'll see you guys next time on you know what dude podcast