Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #547 | Emma Willmann | Hitting On Chicks

Episode Date: August 11, 2024

This week Bobby and Stavros record live from Stavros's home in Baltimore to talk about Korean BBQ, Finding peace doing comedy, and Post Nut Clarity FOLLOW Emma Willmann IG: EmmaWillmann Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT / robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! / robertkelly / ykwdpodcast / ykwdudepodcast / ykwdpodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tim Dillon, my favorite type of gay guy. You know, when he... I still don't think he's gay. You think it's just a big ruse? I think it's a, hey, how can I... I'm a Republican from Long Island. How can I get in this business? He met my girlfriend and he noticed she had a...

Because she had this shawl. She always wears these shawls. And he said, I love that pashmina. And I went, he is gay. I knew it. Yeah, baby. We're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. I knew it! I'm gonna afford them all. This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God help me, I'm ruining this. Sorry, it's a comedy podcast.

This isn't NPR. Is there any better show? This is the original. What's up everybody, it's Robert Kelly and we're here, You Know What Dude podcast back again at the Comedy Cellar Studios above the world famous Comedy Cellar. This is the original podcast on the East Coast and you're still listening. You guys who are a member of the Patreon, I want to thank you guys, you guys get it first.

You guys always get the extra episode and you get to send your Questions in the people on my show you guys the best if you want to be on that and you want to support the show It's five bucks or something like that So patreon.com slash Robert Kelly if you want to be a super fan of the show if you're enjoying it go there if not YouTube just hit subscribe, that's all. Just hit subscribe. Who gives a shit? Stop being stingy with your fucking clicks.

I'm not gonna do that. Whatever, I don't care if you watch five minutes of this. If you got one laugh or you hated it, I made you feel something, so do it. Also, you can check me out at punchup.live slash Robert Kelly, I'm up there and there you go. We got a great show today. Danny, what do we got on the show?

We have Emma Wilman in the house today. And yeah. Hello. Hey, I love listening to people do promo because it like the grades quick. We'll go do the click. Come on, do a click. Then it's like just watch me for five minutes, like for fuck's sake. All right. I don't know. We're not. But you can swear. Yeah don't know if we're allowed to swear, but

you can swear. Um, you mean because it, we're comics, right? I should be like, what's up everybody. Hi, influencer Bob takes over. Oh boy. What's happening? It's Robert Kelly. We're back again.

Influencer Bob, the alter ego comes out. I'd love to see that. Oh dude. I influence her Bob. Let me tell you something. I would, I would kill to just do review tech. Really? My dream is to just get companies

to send me every folding phone, every new phone, every gadget. Would you get into it or would you just make this thing close? No. You'd get into it. I would get into it. They make a lot of money. I will lie for your company.

Mm. No. You heard it here first. I will lie for your company. I will lie to every person out there about your product. Well, that's the hard part about it is because you get something. You're like, ah, this kind of you got to, you know, and I'm a comic, so I want to go this blows. Sure. You can't. It's kind of like when you're hosting, when you like start out and you're hosting and then you're like, you know, the next comment coming up might not be so good,

but you got to lie to your face. I love this next guy or girl, whatever. Then you bring them up. The audience hates them. You got no trust with them. Then you're like, you know the next comment coming up might not be so good, but you gotta lie through your face. I love this next guy or girl, whatever. Then you bring them up, the audience hates them, and you got no trust with them, and then you're like, I couldn't tell you what I really thought before I brought them up. What am I supposed to do? But this is gonna be mediocre. I have to lie when I bring Joe and Danny

and go with me. When I give it up for those, I'm funny, right? I should go, that was mediocre. Right, here we are. That was better than you thought it was gonna be. I made a mistake when I came in I said I asked Danny. I said he looked good, but then Bobby was telling me I gotta not be saying that I'm gonna tell you why you can't say it as a

As a six fat person as having six fats in my life as oh six fat six fat yeah I've been up and down my whole right. I'm an og fatty My first drug was food. I relate to that. Okay, but as your body type, you come in and when you say you look good, we don't wanna hear it. Okay, fair.

Because when you look good. Thank you, you look good. I look better. All right. The word you're looking for is better. The, okay. You look better. Okay, that's fair. Danny, the word you're looking for, Danny, you look better. All right. What you're looking for is better. OK. You look better. OK, that's fair.

Danny, the word you're looking for, Danny, you look different. You could also just say you look good. You look good is fine. But what you said is, have you been losing weight? Yeah, you're right. That was the opposite. I fucked up.

His pectoral muscles looked. And I only say it to men. I only say it to men. I say, I'll go, sometimes, you know, I'll give them a little thumbs up even. It's confusing. You can't say that to women. Your tits look great. I won't even compliment if it's a woman like under 50. I won't even say cute dog. Yeah.

I won't even do it because I noticed they would kind of, it would be weird because I love dogs. So I would go and I would, I would notice they would get weird. So I would even point. I would, so they knew I go cute dog. And then they would be, and I would I would notice they would get weird so I would even point I would so they knew I Go cute dog, and then they would be and I realize I can't do it So if it's under 50, I won't say it I'll compliment guys and the dog. That's it, right? Can't do it Well women are hard to compliment now, right back in the day be like nice ass, baby, right? And you can't do it anymore. Can't do it. You can't catcalling you can't I feel bad for women in that respect because not that look, some guys are dickheads. Sure. But it must feel good to dress up.

Think of me. I woke up this morning, put pants on, sprayed some cologne, put whatever shirt on and left the house. If my wife was to leave to go do a show, she'd have to wake up, take a shower, shave, pick out an outfit, put on some stuff, get ready, and she comes out looking like this. She's going to the Oscars. Yeah, it's a whole production. It's a thing where it's a thing.

This is amazing. But yeah, like my wife has to, but like a girl comes down the street, you want to be like, wow, you're beautiful, but you can't. That's the thing. Usually they don't say, wow, you're beautiful. I think. Yeah, I go, wow, I'd fuck the shit out of you. Right. All right, there's no ground we need to read.

Yeah, there's got to be something in the middle because while you're beautiful and then keep it moving would be nice. Can I tell her to beat it? You're beautiful. Fuck out. Yeah. Oh, not telling to get the fuck out. Get it. Oh, you look good.

Keep it. OK. And then you keep it going. OK. Because sometimes I've seen it where the guy will compliment what a woman's wearing. And I don't know if they're trying to like with my girlfriend those I've seen straight guys go They'll go I like that shawl or whatever, but obviously they're trying to holler So that's like the attempt at the middle ground, but it's just kind of weird because it's like it's weird You don't like I turn my mic up a little bit dude. I can't hear myself

Yeah, I look it's hot like I'm trying I have a son right so how old is your son again? He's 11 now, but I'm trying, I have a son. Right. So I'm trying. How old is your son again? He's 11 now. Wow. But I'm trying to teach him, you know, how to respect a girl, you know? And it was weird too, because nowadays, back in the day, you're from Boston,

you get a son, you fucking like chicks. Right. So there was a moment. You gotta probably train him. Do you remember how your dad talked to you about it? I didn't know. I didn't have, nobody talked to me about it. I didn't know I didn't have nobody talked to me about it. I didn't have anybody like any male figure helped me with that I was friends. That's why I grew up fucked up. That's why sex is fucked up for me

I learned from porno movies and other teenagers What you do, you know, I mean the first time I had sex at Dickie Sewell and Scott Kelly in the bushes Going dude not like don't go round you pump and I was like I'm like sticking my head up like like this and they're like yeah Just you were even able to do that though. Your first time having sex was pretty good I mean pretty good, you know, I shouldn't have had sex at 10 How old was the other person she was 35? No way. No, not oh she was 14. Okay. Damn Yeah, so I shouldn't have had sex tennis. I should have had somebody going. Hey, man, you gotta wait like right

There was a point when my kid I was like, I don't know if He's into you know guys or girls, you know, and you can't just be like You can't just force him down this road anymore, you know, right do it. Look at that chick You know I never did that with him and there was a couple moments with like Louis Jay Gomez his son Where I'm like, Oh, they're gonna fuck. No, no, imagine there. Who'd be the top? And I can't even my way. Yeah, yeah. I mean, James could kick Max's ass. He's

tougher. But James is definitely the bottom. But um, no, but there. Then he started then he started then he started bringing up like girls. Like I remember, we were out last week and we were playing basketball and these girls rode by on the bike. He was, hang on. And he went over and he saw it and goes, God damn, they're hot, dad.

Woo! I was just so proud. Nature versus nurture, he came right out with it. He came out. Wow. On my side. He came out on your side. He came out. Yeah. God damn, they're hot. He came, on your side. He came out.

Yeah. God damn, they're hot. He came, and he was like, duh, God damn. And they were older, like a little older than him. Yeah, like we were over, we were over at my friend Mike Caltis' house, who has a daughter the same age, I think a year older, and she's beautiful.

And they hadn't seen each other in years. So when you're a kid, it's like you grow quick. Like, you know, all of a sudden you go back and it's like, wow. Every time I see my niece, it's like a whole different person. It's a different person. So he hadn't seen her in a while.

And we went to their house this year to stay over for a couple of days and we're sitting out by the pool and she had come out and said hi and blah, blah, blah. And he's leaning, then he had glasses on. He leaned over to me. He's like, you know, dad, Juliana's fucking hot. No way. I was like, he's putting the glasses down. I swear to God, he went, Juliana's fucking hot. No way. I was like. He's just putting the glasses down.

I swear to God, he went, Juliana's fucking hot. She's pretty good. I was like, you can't swear. And that's. But also. Good for you. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, he's like.

Does he get nervous around girls? Yeah, a little bit. I've set it up with him to where he can trust me. I go, dude, you talk to me about anything. Whatever happens with your ding ding or feelings, whatever you feel, dude, just come to me and talk to me. Whatever it is, I got you. None of it is bad.

None of it's, it's just, you gotta learn how to manipulate and figure out to do the right thing. I go, I'm like, right now, you shouldn't be doing anything with girls. You shouldn't be talking weird, respectful, you know, blah, blah, blah. What do you think the best, if I could design it and control everything,

I would say wait for the love of God until you're 18 to have sex. Just wait. Wait as long. As long as you can. As long as you can, yeah. Same with drinking, same with, because I used to smoke,

in eighth grade I started smoking cigarettes. Drinking, my friend Tom Chase and I, it was like we were the only two kids in class whose parents got divorced, who grew up in rural Maine and both our moms moved in these houses kind of close to each other relative for backwoods of Maine. And we would meet up in the middle, smoke cigarettes, drink beer, eighth grade, just, just handicapping our brains. And we were the only two in special ed and I don't think it was a coincidence.

It is, I think because when the parents, when we grew up, they weren't around as much. Play outside. Now it's too much. They helicopter their fucking kids too much. I let my kid do shit, but yeah, I say 18 is a good age to... Too bad we can't control it.

You can't because he's gonna wind up kissing a girl before then. I just don't, sex, it's sex. I don't want you penetrating a vagina or I don't want you putting a penis in your mouth until you're 18 whatever he just decides totally just don't do it until then yes I and I don't give people a dude you I don't give a fuck It's like these dude if my son was gay what right gonna have awesome parties, right? You know dressing a little yeah, or maybe you'll have us the gay son who doesn't you know, there's all types of gay guys now. We just don't see him as much.

I know. Well, you kind of do. The ones where you can't tell at all. You can't tell. Like, you didn't know Joe and Danny were gay? No. Yeah. No, Danny's not gay. I know. He's not gay. He would do gay stuff, though. Now, I actually, those are the gay, like Tim Dillon, my favorite type of gay guy. You know, when he- I still don't think he's gay. You think it's just a big ruse? I think it's a, hey, how can I, I'm a Republican from Long Island,

how can I get in this business? He met my girlfriend and he noticed she had a, cause she had this shawl, she always wears these shawls, and he said, I love that pashmina. And I went, he is gay, I knewmina because I always thought the same thing because I'm like it's just perplexed my mind I was always I always liked it but he noticed it he pointed it out and then she was like oh thank you and I was like how did he know that word she goes he's gay and I'm like he is gay and then he went right back to being you know how he normally is Trump's

gonna 24 right yeah Yeah, exactly. There is a lot of different type of gay guys now. Have you ever met a guy that he's been with? Yeah, it's weird. I know a gay guy. I'm not gonna out him. I think he might be out, but I'm not gonna out him. But I knew he was gay back in the day. And we hung out a lot.

We were like friends. He would call me in the middle of the night and come over my house with me and my wife and I'd go hang with him all the time. Close friend. Close friend, like we would hang in the car and just talk and stuff like that. He would talk about being lonely and stuff like that.

But then one day he came in, we stopped talking, he came into the cellar one night with somebody who looked exactly like me. I found that his type was me. So then I was like, it all, it was like- Wait a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was usually a suspense.

It was Pisa Soza. I was like, oh. Yeah, start doing the math. He was trying, he was waiting. He was seeing if- See if you were a little lonely too. If I was gonna drop the bitch and so. Right, right.

And yeah, there is a type, but I think, uh, I think Dylan's type is not me. Thank God. Cause we wouldn't be able to do it. I was at the stand, uh, for the old stand years ago for a frantic show and Tim Dylan and, uh, Mateo Lane went on stage together and Aaron Berg brought them up as a couple. He just said they were a couple. And I, I just believed it. So for five years, I assumed that Tim Dillon and Mateo Lane were dating at one point.

And then I said it to multiple people and then someone called me like, no they weren't. And then I was like, what? And I guess Berg was just doing a bit. Danny, Danny, the fact that you thought Mateo, I mean, Mateo is, Mateo is with a Mateo. There is certain things in life you can't change. Sometimes though you'll see matchups

that really cross all types of things. Once in a while, but not dating. You think Mateo would date, no offense against Tim. Only cause I know them so I know that that's not where it would line up, but sometimes you do see. What? You see, you see. I don't know how to say you think.

But jail. No, not particularly not not actual Mateo, but a Mateo type would be with Tim Dylan. Funny. That's a thing. It's you know, like girls who like me are into this. It's a fetish a little bit. Yeah, I relate to that, though. I'm a niche. I would say I'm a very niche. What are you? I just like because I know that I'm I think I'm a that though. I'm a niche. I would say I'm a very niche. What are you? I just like cuz I know that I'm a I think I'm a daddy something. Oh, I'm a I'm a silver fox daddy Because we sounds good. We went over this. I didn't want to be a sloppy bottom boy. No, no

No, there's anything wrong with that. No, you fine if you're a world go round But there's I know the gay guys we went through that one day. Well, we are what would you be? I But there's, I know that gay guys, we went through that one day with what we are. What would you be? I know I'm a very niche taste. Like it's like, because. Like gay women don't have that. Not so, I mean some of them, I'm not as plugged,

I wish I knew was like more plugged into the, I know they've got like soft butch, butch, femme, but all, I don't know exactly what type I am, but I know, because I think about it a lot, because I'll feel like self-conscious about how I look, and then I'll go, if I'm in a really conservative place, I'll be like, okay, I'm really gonna build a bridge here, whatever, but then I'll think,

okay, I'm self-conscious about how I look, but it's not like, I'm not bad looking, but I just look different. I don't know what normal is, but I look like I'm a real in-betweener. So I don't know what the exact terminology would be. You must get hit on by guys a lot. Not really, but thank you.

No? No. But I appreciate that, thank you. You're very, I would say, white exotic. Ooh. Is that good? Nice, that could be my stripper name, I guess. You're white exotic. I don't get hit on by guys, I also don't get... Really?

I don't get hit on by women either, and I was talking to this friend of mine about this. I was talking to Ashley Gavin about she's a comedian We were driving and she was talking about some message She got that was really aggressive and she was like, what do you do if you get a message like that? And I was like, I don't really but it's be I think it's cuz on stage or a lot of times. I'm like, I'm a mess I got 80 day. I got schmutz on myself. I'm trying to really clean it up, but it's not the type of it's not I'm making fun of myself. And I think a lot of-

You're a comic. It's when someone sees someone being cooler, to me that's cool, I'm also very friendly. So it's not like, I think sometimes people go for more like elusiveness, I think. I'm surprised. Or maybe I'm just making excuses, maybe it's a personality thing, I don't know.

You're in shape, Thank you. You've got great hair. Thank you. You're very beautiful. You got beautiful eyes. Nice. I got to start my morning with you every day. Thank you. You know what I mean? And you're you're outgoing. I mean, I don't know why. That's fascinating that people don't. Yeah, I don't know if it's I mean, you guys have you had guys hit on you? I can't even remember the last time it happened. Really? No. I mean, I got a couple of messages on Instagram. I remember this one guy over the pandemic sent me a message of himself, you know, and he was like, top was, isn't the right word shirtless. You know, he's in the mirror doing that. And he sent me this and he said any interest or something like that. And I said, no, no but thanks for sending keep putting yourself out there and then he sent me like a you are the worst as compliments because I don't get in on so I said you said keep on put it putting yourself out there I said someone will bite it's not me but keep going for it just say no don't compliment people on their weight and just say no just write back back no. Just no, how about no thank you?

Oof. Keep putting yourself out there kid. I feel like it's better to just not respond than to just write no. Probably, yes. No. Or thumbs down. Oof.

Or the pukey emoji. Yeah. Yeah. I said, and then he sent me a dick pic. He did. I think it was because it was like X'd out. Oh, he didn't send you the full dick pic. I didn't click on it.

What do you think, that was gonna put him over the edge? I don't know, if he was like, this will get you, I don't know, but I didn't, that was like the last time, if that qualifies as hit on, that was like the last time that you were real direct. I'm pretty sure that qualifies as assault. You know, the lines. Do you get hit on after shows?

You're very open about being married. You wear the ring, obviously. You talk about being married and you're a kid, yeah. Yeah, I get hit on, you know, flirt and stuff like that. But because I think I talk about being married on stage so much that girls don't like it bugs me because like Danny opens for me a lot and he'll get the girls I probably would get. Like, OK, last week, this happened last week,

and it bugs me. I know I love my wife. I love my wife, I love my wife. I love my wife. You know, it's not in question. I love you. I love you. He loves you.

I love you, honey. Does she listen? But no, she doesn't want anything I do. She doesn't listen to me when we're in the room together, talking. Let alone extra time, yeah. So, but that's married. Right.

You can't, I accept that fully, I get it. But there was a girl last week, I'm on show, packed, sold out. Where was it at? Versanis, great room in Port Charlotte, just great club, great owners. And I'm on stage, and in the front row, there's an old couple, there's a dude with a beard,

and there's this smoking hot blonde. Tattoos right up my alley. Sundress. I mean, there's nothing like a sundress. With tattoos. Yeah, you got sweet, you got edgy. There is something attractive about that. Yeah, you got Laura Ingalls and Kat Von D.

Yes, it's saying a lot. Was she with the old guy? No, she had hay hair. Oh my God, she was so right, like, fuck what I, what I would not do for you. I would be your little, whatever you told me to do, I would just do. You know, she was like that up my alley.

And I said, you know, are you, are you with her? Are you together? She goes, no. I go, are you with the old her? You together? She goes, no. I go, you with the old cup? No. She came by herself. Front row by herself. Sundress tattoos. Not with the guy.

You know, we do in here. And she said, I'm here for Danny. No. Is Danny Braff going to be here? And then she started looking up because she had ADHD. No, she was autistic, too. Right. Even better. any braff gonna be here? And then she started looking up, because she had ADHD. No, she was autistic too. Right, even better. Is Joe Russell coming? How come I can't hear myself?

But, so I wound up going, dude, you're single. I did that. He's single, you guys should hook up. I wound up, I knew the kid and I knew the couple. Like the kid and the couple were together They're friends of mine their fans that see me all the time It's just I I knew the older couple but I didn't know that he grew a beard and he's a friend of mine blah blah blah So I took me a minute to go. Oh, that's you now. He looked manlier, right?

And uh, so after the show she comes out for the photo mo front and I'm with them and I'm like, yeah Yeah, I did that stupid thing. Right. Cause you're trying to do, you're trying to do what you can to be in the mix of type of flirtation. So you got to, it's like you're living vicariously through the situation. Old Bobby would have went, would have been like, Hey, that's cool. Hey, what's up?

Come here for a second. You'd go right to it. I would go, Hey, what's up? You were very confident. I would be like, what's up? Stand away. Can you hang it out for a minute? Hang out for a minute.

Let's talk for a second. So you had no social anxiety, nothing. I would have, I know's up? Stand away. You hanging out for a minute? Hang out for. Oh, let's talk for a second. So you had no social anxiety, nothing. I would know. You go right to it. I would have been like, hey, what's up? What's going on? Hang out for a second. You hanging?

That's a good one. If someone's looking for like, I think that's a good one. Are you hanging out for a second? I think that's a very, because it gives a person a lot of agency to come and go. And then I go do this shit and they're looking at me, take a photo. Yeah. Look, I'm good with people. And then I would take the phone and then I go, hey, come on. And then I go, right. Walk over're looking at me taking photos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, I'm good with people. And then I would take the photo and then I go, hey, come on.

And then I go, walk over here for a sec. Right. Go back. You want anything? Want to come back? Right. Blah, blah, blah. I was like, you guys should hook up. Right. Do you two? But what do you... And then she left. I wound up talking to the old couple.

There's no way for you to win the situation in the category of flirting. I could have. Old Bobby would have. Old Bobby could have. Old Bobby would have. Hey, nice to see you. Take care could have, Oh, Bobby, Bobby could have. I would, Oh, by the way. Hey, nice to see you. Take care. Thanks for coming. Let's go.

I was like, Hey, I, and I look, I love these people. So I'm talking to them. I turn around and he goes, I got her number. And I was like, good for you. Fuck face. I was so mad. Right. And he goes, you, you set us up. He went on a date with her.

How'd it go? I didn't, I want, I don't want to. He goes, Oh, it's the best. That's my life. If they get married and have a beautiful children, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. You're going to be harassing them the whole time. Oh, they're going to thank you at the wedding.

Thank you for setting us up. And you go, fuck you guys. Fuck you guys. You stir in the pot. I just I was it's like God. But look, what am I? I'm not going to do anything. Exactly. There's no the scenario for you to win in is in a way is in a competition you can't beat. But I still would've liked the accolade.

I still would like, I love when girls, my thing was, what type of girl do you like? The ones that like me. That's the, desire is the most attractive thing. If someone is, someone desiring something to me is the most, I would take, I was just thinking about this the other day and I don't know how this scenario popped in my head, but it was the most I would take I don't I was just thinking about this the other day I don't know what how this scenario popped in my head, but it was like I would rather I think I was talking about porn with someone

I would rather instead of watching someone who's like conventionally very attractive, right? But like mildly like take they're like I'm asexual take it or leave it that does nothing for me I would rather have the most conventionally unattractive. Yeah, I would rather have not that he say heally unattractive, I would rather have, not that he say he's unattractive, it's not who you would think of as attractive, say Donald Trump in a skirt going there's been a big miscommunication, I'm a whore, I need to get my ass pounded like the pussy that it is, like I can't think straight, please, someone comes at me, I would go oh my God. Did he say that?

We text. You text? Well mom,, mom. Well, mom. I would take, I would be, that would get me interested because it's the desire. Someone wants, like, did you watch Baby Reindeer? Yep. Do you know the sex scene in that? Yeah.

I found her attractive in that moment. Which one? The girl, I found her attractive in it. The chubby one? Yeah, where he like. I found his girlfriend in that. She was pretty. She was real pretty. And I have a bad thing with my yeah. Where he like, I found his girlfriend in that.

She was pretty. She was real pretty. And I have a bad thing with my ADHD. I skim around shows. So I missed the whole plot line actually with them. I've watched whole movies. I'll watch an Indian movie, like just fast forward. And I understand the whole movie. I always think I do.

And then someone brings up, they go, oh, you did the thing where the person was trans and baby reindeer. I'm like, I missed that. They're like, I did miss that. Well, they didn't show it. Okay, I missed the whole plot line on that. Yeah, you had to kind of hear it. Really?

Yeah, yeah, he said it. Because when she first came in, I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know either. And then all of a sudden, because you know, whatever, you don't know. And then they, now I don't know what I'm talking about. And they met on like, yeah, this is a spoiler.

Then the show got real hot. Then it got real hot. Then it really caught on. That sex scene, I did fast forward to the one where, real spoiler, if you watch it, the guy has sex with the girl that's like obsessed with him. And I found her attractive in that because there was like such a desire. No, there's something about somebody who likes you. Yes.

I've been with crazy girls, crazy girls, but they liked me a lot. They really liked me. And it just took away all the other stuff because you, I don't know, there they liked me a lot. They really liked me. And it just, it just took away all the other stuff. Cause you, I don't know. There's something sexy about that. It's the most intact. Have you ever introduced a friend to one of those girls where they were, it could conventionally be totally not what they would like.

I had this friend, Mike RIP, he was a comedian. I don't know if you ever met him. He used to always be over at the Lantern, Mike Cross? No. Okay. So I remember I knew Mike and there was this girl I was dating and she was so fun. So fun. Not my normal type per se.

You know, and she was not what you would say on paper as attractive, right? But fun. Really fun. And he met her and the second she turns around, he went, oof, and I go, what are you doing? I was like, and he goes, oof, and he goes, wow, and then he goes, you look like, and then he said this girl's name, and I go,

you can't tell someone to look like that person. That's a classically unattractive person. Coming from you. Danny, your chest is smaller. What? He said that, and I go, you gotta keep it cool no matter what, but she was so, she was just like a good, and I would look looking back like that was one of the most fun people I've

had sex with. Yeah. Lazy eye and deaf in one ear. What? Yeah. Yep. We would try to do her talk and she'd be like, what? But still she was so down for anything and just fun. Yeah, I don't have a conventional. I had sex with a chick who looked like David Letterman. Really? Yeah. Okay, you win, you win, you win, you win. Exactly. Cause it's like, people always say my dad

looks like David Letterman. Oh really? Yeah, but I... There was just something, we were in a room full of people and she liked me. Right. And we wound up talking and I was like, there was just, she, we were in a room full of people and she liked me. And we wound up talking and I was like, I, all this goes away. It all goes away. All good.

I mean, my, my wife was a six when I met her. Uh, no, she's, this is why she doesn't listen. No, I know. This is why. No, but she, look at, at the time I met her, I was, I was, you know, young starting comedy, my ego was out of control, I was fuckin' all that shit, and I was dating, smokin' hot, you know, 10s and stuff,

and she was just a regular chick, she was beautiful. I look back now though, at photos of her when I met her, and I'm like, dude, she was hot. Like my wife was the fucking hottest girl. Not only because of who she was, like personally. But also actually hot, just in your brain at the time. Because I like, I like, look it man, I would put girls through tests, you know what I mean?

What was the test? Like I would bring them in rooms with people who were annoying, like comedians. And if they were like, wow, they're fun, I'd be like, you're gone. I had a similar type test. So when I would first go on dates, I had this clip I used to show.

This is like nine years ago. Like it'd be after- Is it Eddie F Clip? You know whose clip it was? What do you think? You like the way he looked? You think he's funny? I would show.

I like Eddie. I love Eddie. I'm just kidding, don't do that yeah um I it was you know Leonard Oates I swear to God you want to fuck him Leonard Oates I remember what happened to Leonard Oates I haven't seen Leonard Oates in the last time last time I saw him we were both in Vegas I haven't talked to him in years he was on the rocks oh man funny but this is how much I like Leonard Oates he had a live at access right that set that I thought

was so fucking funny that if I'd be on a date, him and then Carly Aquilino, who's a friend of mine, I would show them a clip of her. I would say, oh, you gotta see my friend, and then I'd show, and I would kinda watch him watch her. And if they were like, I mean, it's tough, I'm settin' them up for it, cause they're gonna be like, she's funny.

But then with him, I would watch them, and if they would laugh at those two, then I would be like, okay. But if they weren't into either of those two, to me, I'd be like, she's funny. But then with him, I would watch them. And if they would laugh at those two, then I would be like, OK. But if they weren't into either of those two, to me, I'd be like, I can't. That's how much I just put into that. I brought my wife now into this club and sat at the table with those people.

And when we left, I go, what did you think? They're like, fucking annoying. I was like, yeah, the one. Wow. Yeah. I used to do that all the time. It's even more doing it with real people in real time. Yeah.

Because then they're like reacting on the fly. I was just watching them watch something, which in retrospect is kind of creepy of me to just be like watching something cool. But it meant a lot. Like my girl, like, I had like certain things I asked her about like, what if a guy just pulled his dick out You know what I mean? Like well if you if I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't do it

I say right it back you fucking idiot. I go, but would you be like hurt and fuck? She goes, it's a dick No, I don't care if I wanted to suck it. I'd suck it. I was like, okay I mean, it's just a like right like a okay. You're my type of person because I'm the same way. I don't want to do it. You know what I mean? I don't know what I think it depends on the power dynamic of it. Cause the shock of it, I'd be like,

I don't know what the hell I do. No, it would have to be like, we're on a date. Oh, in context. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In context. Yeah, it's not like. It's not like you're boss or your Uber driver or something. Yeah, you meet Biden and he goes,

Hey, come here and he sniffs your ear and then pulls his cock out. Wow. That would be, I mean, I'd let that happen. I would be in so much shock. Yeah. But I'd take a selfie. I think I'd be like, we give me a cabinet position. I don't know something. Like, I don't even know. Did you, were you following the Hunter Biden stuff? A little bit. Yeah. I thought it a little bit. Now I thought Hunter Biden was gay because I thought he was in gay porn and I need to start reading the news more carefully.

Yeah, well, we all should stop reading the news. So that's what I did. I did stop reading those, but then the problem is I get bits and pieces and then it's even worse. It's so bad. So I don't weigh in on anything unless I can think of something I have a solution to

and I got no solution, so I just don't weigh in on any of it. Well, I weighed in on yesterday on the bonfire because that whole Kevin Spacey thing was close to me because it happened with you know Weinstein and then Louie and then Kevin right and then they tried to get Aziz and it was like this whole thing that was happening and each case is a very unique very separate from the other one but people don't do that right people don't do half it's critical they don't do that anymore because i wouldn't put Aziz and Weinstein in the same they don't do that

with any they don't even do that with politics right either or right right and if you're that you're that if you this you this and it's like guys you gotta fucking stop right and because they might all just be the same they might all be I mean I'm getting paranoid I really am I got audited now I don't know what's what oh we're talking about that but yeah but with uh I brought up the Kevin Spacey thing because I watched him I watched the documentary I haven't seen it yet. I want to. He used to be my favorite actor. He was my favorite actor.

He's one of my favorite actors. OK, I will not throw out what you did until I don't know. I you don't believe it. I don't watch the whole documentary. I watch the documentary. And I was like, OK. The little kid stuff, you're a piece of shit. Right. OK. So then you watch it.

But but the other stuff was like, well, that was just a guy who closeted, who's in Hollywood. OK, I don't expect Hollywood stars, athletes and gazillionaires to be appropriate. You know what I mean? I expect priests to not blow kids. I expect the rest of us to have some type of moral compass when it comes to that stuff. But these people are egomaniacs that we want them to be that. We pay them to, we put them there.

And then we make them gods. And then when they do god behavior, like partying and drugs and do all, we're like, wait a minute, you're not supposed to. It's like, whatever. But because he's doing partying drugs. And then well, he did the you know, he was trying to hook up a guys and he was using whatever, you know, like, look, using I'm on stage and girls are coming up to me. You think they come up to me if

I was didn't need drug people to I still haven't seen it yet. No. Oh he didn't. No. Oh see, I gotta see it. No drugging? No, he didn't drug anybody. That was the thing too, is like I watched it,

like okay, let me find out what this, and I watched it and I was like look, I don't think what he did was that bad. I think it was inappropriate and abuse of power on his part, but you got, it goes back to my wife. If a guy, if you had a script and you were gonna give it to a guy and he was like, all right, if you suck my dick, I'll make this script happen.

What would you do? I'd tell you to go fuck off. I mean, if they offered fucking Stallone millions to not be Rocky and he went no, and he walked away. It's the character of you. So how, your character's weak weak and you were like, yeah All right. I'm gonna this guy was married and he sucked his dick. Do you think they should still report it? I look at I think you should take the hit and be like look I shouldn't I should have said right let me out

Why cuz I'm not doing this weird shit, right? And then if someone doesn't let you out then you go You can't sell your soul to the devil and the devil fucking renegs on the deal right oh wait a minute yeah yeah this guy you come to my mouth right i told my wife right we had a deal we had a deal yeah i gotta go back to my wife with cum breath i thought he i thought he had i see that's i gotta watch it because i'm only getting bits and pieces of it well here's the thing is i brought up he went on pierce morgan and he talked about he did he talked about his he gave his side okay and I listened to the side and

apparently in the case with the little kid he was found innocent in a in a court of law all the evidence was presented and he was found innocent that he didn't do and then he had another kid that was like it never happened and he the other kid who the other actor kid you know and he didn't grab his junk apparently he was supposed to lie on top of him and try to. He was trying to seduce him, which is bad. You don't seduce a kid. You don't know. I get it.

You don't bring a kid back to your apartment. But again, it's Hollywood. These fucking weirdos. I don't live in Hollywood and I would never raise my kid in Hollywood. And I because I don't want to be part of that shit. Right. Right. So I'm not going to judge you because that's what you I don't want to be part of that shit. So I'm not going to judge you because that's what you want. You want to do weird shit.

You want to fuck. But the kid stuff at off limits. 100% off limits. But he got proven innocent in the court. So it's like, okay, so now I know the courts don't always get it right. I'm not going to say that. But why do we have, it's like, dude. I got to watch that document.

And then he got so then all the other stuff. He had like the one guy who, you know, said this. He called him a year later. He was in town. Let's get together. He has emails and phone calls from these people. And he has the documentation of like, yeah, these guys were still. If they were so fucked up about what happened between us, why are they still talking to me?

But then there was a kid, I guess he stuck his finger in his butt or whatever. Terrible, unbelievable. But okay. Yeah, cause it, dad. I've had situations where I've done stuff with girls and if, they liked it it you know what I mean? Like but like in that context of hey we're here this energy you try to kiss

or you try to do something and the word is no and the word is stop and the word is what the fuck you doing you know what I mean? I think he was, he used his ego and what he was to get sex and stuff like that. I think that was bad, but is it bad enough to eliminate him from life? Is it bad enough to just put him in the same thing as a rapist or a pedophile? You know what I mean?

I just think there's levels to it so many levels And I think that he came coming out learning his lesson. There's a point of forgiveness. What's like alright guys We've hit him enough. I do believe in forgiveness I believe especially in the idea of like Like I've always been so attracted to the idea of like repenting and I think that's cuz I always knew I always like was Like I'm gonna mess things up cuz I'll put myself out there. I always very attracted the idea of repent repenting. And I think that's cause I always knew, I always like was like, I'm gonna mess things up cause I'll put myself out there. So I always very attracted to the idea of repenting.

But it is, that's the thing too. When you see a headline of anything involving someone that's like under a certain age and then, you know, I read the whole backstory with that. It's a lot. If that kid comes, like I said this yesterday, like all the callers from Bonfire were mad. Like a bunch of them were calling up, what the fuck Bob? And there was one guy that was screaming and he kept hanging up

and he wouldn't talk to me. But I'm like- It's triggering in the right sense of it. You know, someone's like, ah, there's- I'm not mad at- Triggered. That's no. But this is like a trigger. I get it what they're saying. But tell me, and I'll flip-flop. And let me ask you this. I'll be on your side in two seconds. Like, if that- Review goes back to tech. You're like, you know what?

If that came out and went on Pierce morning, it was like, dude, he did this to me and he fuck him. He's lying. I'd be like, I believe you. I believe the kid. I fuck you. Do you think? Because I always, I had this and it was something I'm working on in therapy for years because

I was like, I would be almost like overly empathetic with people for whatever they did, especially if I could understand their back story. Because I had some choppy things in childhood that then made me want to really see people as people. But where it went bad is I'd almost be too understanding. And I wonder if we lean towards almost being like too like, okay, well, you did this because of that and especially being entertained a little bit. Like maybe we're a little skewed with it.

Well, dude. Maybe not. I don't know because what happens with us is the way we get stuff now is so third, fifth, thousandth hand. Right. And we're getting it from a viewpoint, you know. Like when Louis first, a friend of mine was talking to me today, he goes, I was talking about this situation,

and he was in a room with people he was working for when it all happened. This is your friend or Louie? No, this is my friend and he's, he's, he does other stuff and they were like, did you hear what happened? Yeah, Louie, Louie raped people. So by the time they got the story, right, you go, whoa, whoa. It's, but it's like, so whoever hears that now that right. It went from being, Hey, can I do this? No. Okay. Right. Right. To, so I know that and it's the, that's the world we live in. And so I don't fucking, I'm not going to listen to a guy on Twitter or a guy calling up who knows nothing as much as I do. Right. You know as much as I do.

And that's not good. And you're telling me I'm a piece of shit too. Right. Now I'm a fucking. Right. Because I got people yelling at me because I backed my friend Louie. I looked, I read the article.

I talked to that, the actual person. And I believed the person. And then I read this stuff and it kinda backed that stuff. And I was like, okay dude, I got it. And like you said, I understand what I understand. He understood what happened and he understands that. Listen, I'm not going to put these women through anymore. I'm just back. Okay. I'm sorry. I know for myself too. I realized through with the Louis one specifically, I was like, I'm an unreliable narrator because, or I can't necessarily, cause I noticed I go, I was like,

oh man, if I think, if I think the person's the person's funny I go wait a minute let me read all the facts they're funny they can rape kids I understand what you're right but I go I remember that and then so I was a whoa whoa whoa like I need to hear everything and then I caught myself because then there was someone who I didn't particularly like yeah and something a hint someone who I didn't particularly like. Yeah. And something, a hint of something. I don't even hear some go, oh, do you hear this person might be getting called out?

I go guilty. Fuck that guy. Cause I didn't like him. Yeah. And then I was like, you know what? I cannot, I have to really step back from any of this because I'm looking at it, looking to co-sign what I might already feel about people. Like I love, like I'd say Jim Jeffries is probably my favorite comic.

If anyone said anything about Jim Jeffifuss, I go whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Who said what about where? I gotta see that. I gotta, you know, you would have to, because that's like, that's, I love him. So, but then if it was someone that I didn't like, I go, I fucking knew it. They go, we didn't even tell you what he did. So now I gotta, because it was like, it's a whole you got to remove that stuff cuz I go Oh god, this guy here's a thing too I don't want to become a private investigator right to fucking talk on a show or have an opinion, right? I'm just a comic trying to be interesting for a couple hours and maybe make you laugh for a little bit

But all of a sudden we have to become fucking pundits. I'm trying to be interested Yeah, yeah, like, you know, it's guys, we're only trying to entertain you on these things. Sure. So, you know, wherever you are listening, you might feel a little something. That's a hot button. Anything with the touch molesting and all that stuff that is getting real. Yeah. Have you ever met not to make too much of a jump? Have you? A child molester? I know people that look like them.

Have you ever? Danny. Danny, if you look at him, just him. If I put a, if I put too much time together, if I put a lineup of guys and said, which one is a child molester, everybody like that guy right there. They're like, but we really don't want to play this game anymore. Like, why is he always making us do this weird fucking game? Just you pointing at the... Have you ever met a private detective? Yeah, I know. I knew a smoking hot girl private detective. Because I met one too. She was, you know, not smoking hot, but it was so hard because it was a friend of a friend of a friend of my mom. We were all at a dinner party and

I wanted to ask her so many questions. And I got like three in, but I didn't wanna like, because I'm sure they get asked the same stuff all the time, but she was a friend of yours? Or someone you knew? She would come to the cellar long time ago and she worked for a PI guy who actually had a TV show and she would work with him, so she was a PI too.

I think I'd be a great PI. I love sitting in a car. I love sitting in a car, and I love talking. I love following people. But I'm sloppy. I love following people to their houses. I love looking at their noses. That's how we met.

You showed right up at my plate. I lose things, I forget things. So you'd be a terrible PI. So I'd be a terrible, like, I'd get caught. You'd have to have a notepad like Columbo. And I'd be leaving all my, like, I would be a terrible. I'd be a terrible like I'd get caught you'd have you'd have to have a notepad like Colombo And I'd be leaving all my like I I would be a bad PI I would be I would be really bad, but I do I would like a stakeout. I love stakeout. I love a stakes I like stakes sitting in the car eating steak. I want to ask that you'd be a good cop you think oh my god

Yeah, I have to strap. Yeah, I mean I would. Because you're shredded. Thank you. Now you work out all the time, right? I have been recently this past year. I've been doing a whole thing. I really fluctuate with it big time, but it helps my. On your Instagram, you have a picture of your abs.

So let me tell you about the backstory of this. Okay, first of all, I mean, to me, like you're smoking hot. Thank you so much. I mean, this is a, when I saw this. Man, like, you're smoking hot. Thank you so much. I mean, this is a, when I saw this. Man, I worked so hard on that. I was like, you. You know what my mom said when she saw this?

Beautiful. You know what my mom said? She was like. Now I love my mom and we're close. Yeah. And I had the real take a beat at this. It was like six a.m. Bring it, leave that back up there.

She goes, ew. What? I know. And I worked so hard, because the thing was was I was frustrated with a lot of stuff. Why would she say, oh, and there's a lot of things that's frustrating with this. I said, what's something I can control? And then also I was like, you know what? I'm going to really I'm going to really go for it.

I'm going to start working out with my friend Ian, who's a bodybuilder. Oh, I thought you mean he finance enough. You can smoke cigarettes, ride a bike. Oh, man. Ian did, after I posted this picture, that was funny, him and Jordan Jensen had total opposite reactions to it. Jordan, after the picture came out, she was like, hey, do you eat protein bars?

Ask me some questions about protein. I saw Ian a couple nights later, I hadn't seen him in months, so I was about to say, hey, how are you? He just lifts up his shirt and smacks his belly and goes, can I eat cheese? I was like, what? And he was like, can I eat cheese?

And I was like, I don't know how to untangle this. All right, so tell me what happened. So this is for a picture like this. So we train a whole bunch. So it was like about a year, right? We're doing stuff, it's going up, it's going down. Like we're doing building muscle, losing weight. It's the whole thing.

Now, when we get, and I had this picture in mind, I wanted to do like a fight club type thing. Yeah, exactly, yeah. But with that, so about Ian's bodybuilding, he goes, we're gonna do it like a bodybuilding competition. They got all these tips and tricks on things. So he goes, you gotta get this certain type of spray tan. And then he said, you gotta do everything I say

24 hours before these photos. And he wasn't, he was not kidding. So he goes, 24 hours, he goes, no salt. It was no salt, no water. Which I was like, yeah, easy, that goes, no salt, it was no salt, no water. Which I was like, yeah, easy. That was hard. So I'm doing no salt, no water. And then the morning of he goes, call me, send me a picture.

And he goes, okay, take a shot of espresso, do a shot of espresso, he goes, eat a bunch of rice cakes, eat a bunch of rice cakes. And he goes, take a pill that I put in your backpack. I said, okay. And now we both, him and I are both sober. So I was said, it's not a psycho, you know, not a mental one. So I take it, doesn't do anything, he goes, you'll see when you get to the photo shoot.

It's a diuretic, so it takes all the water. So bodybuilders do this, they say you get the popping veins. It takes all the water out and just like, I don't know where the hell it goes, pumps you up. So I take my, by the time I took my shirt off with the photos, I was doing it with Phil Provenchal, and he went, whoa, and I was like, whoa. I was like, this actually is not,

it gives you that extra 5% look there. So right, this particular look lasted about three hours and I had to drink a bunch of water and like. To live. To live, I was like. So you brought yourself to death. Brick of death. That's what they do.

But it shows, it showed me, I was like, oh man, there's so much that goes into, even if you are at your peak You're not walking around like that. Can't walk around. Can't walk fighters that well fighters they get down to that weight That's why McGregor was such a dominant 145. He's a 170. That's wild. He's a 170 So he would get down to 145 look at the photos of I mean, it's Conor McGregor at 145 He looks like emaciated but then right after weigh-ins, water, food, and he puts 20 pounds back on.

So they can be, this is probably really stupid. I watch boxing, but they can be any weight when they walk into the ring. It just has to be at the weigh-in. Just at the weigh-ins. Interesting. You have to weigh in legally at that weight. Right.

So the trick is, you go in, you're a 170, 155, go down to 145 and he cleaned the house. That's why he went up, I think to 155 and he got that belt. He was a double belt champ. To get to 145, I mean, cause to lose muscle too, I mean, that's like a, it's a, that's a thing. But those guys would, I mean, they trained, they had a whole team of people around them. And then before they would sauna, sweat, get it all out,

whatever they could do legally, get it the fuck out, go in, weigh in, and you see them. As soon as they're done weighing in, there's somebody there with a big purple something, and they're drinking and a thing of food. Yeah, they have whatever electrolyte, and they're drinking and a thing of food. A purple something. Yeah, they have whatever, you know, electrolyte. Right, right, right. And they're eating rice

and they just immediately put that weight back on. If you see the difference between when they, John Jones, same thing. John Jones is a heavyweight. He's fighting at, he was fighting at light heavyweight. Did you see the picture? Look at, let me see. Look at Adam as a, look at one seven,

look at the size. Wow. Can you see him? You can't see cause of the light, can you see him? You can't see cause like easy. Doesn't even look like the same person. I mean, yeah. I mean, look how thin he got. And then that's 170. Now he's he's he won at 145.

Then he went up to 155, which is a better weight for him. Doesn't have to cut as much because they cut the weight and they get sick. They get really bad. They changed the and the mental mind game of it. You're distracted. It's hard to focus, it fucks up your hormones.

Well they weigh in now the day before. They used to weigh in, they weigh in the day before when they come out and face off. Right. They used to weigh in at the face off. Now when they come out for the face off, that was like an extra day, which was really hard. So now they have a day to recuperate.

Every day that you're like that. I couldn't have lasted another. they have a day to recuperate. Every day that you're like that I couldn't have lasted another. Two days to recuperate they only had that one day before because at the the face-off they come in weigh in 145 and if you're over you're fucked right? So now they do it the day before so in the face-off that weigh-in isn't bullshit that they already weighed them in they're in. I've never been able to stomach watching UFC, but there's something about with the bones, the idea of the bones cracking. But I've gotten into watching boxing because it was Andy Ruiz. Did you watch that fight with the Mexican-American?

There's something about it. I got into his backstory. I was crying. I had like a T-shirt with his face on it. I know. And then he I was like, I thought he was going to win the second fight. And I turned I turned on him real quick. I was one of those people because I was like, he's going to win. He's going to win. Even though I was like he I thought he was gonna win the second fight Yeah, and I turned I turned on him real quick I was one of those people cuz I was like he's gonna win he's gonna win even though I was watching it You see him in the interviews. He'd be like drinking beers show it. You know, but we're like mixed martial arts The reason why to me it's the best and I've never watched a full fight of it. The reason why it's the best to me You can tap out. Mm-hmm and the judge will you don't have boxers go until they get

knocked the fuck out. See I didn't even know that about UFC that does make a difference. In UFC you can be like I'm out right and that to me you know and the ref you can't as soon as that he sees that person at all. Done it's over. It's not a three it's not you. You don't get a 10 count. You know, boxers get a 10 count. They get knocked to the ground out. That means their brains smashed into the skull to where they fell. Right. They get to do that three times and they get a 10 count. And I love boxing. I love it.

It's an art. But to me, I love that the guy can be like, all right, before he gets choked up. And it's everything. So it's like, okay, they're wrestling. They're doing jujitsu. Knee in each other. Boxing. It's taekwondo. Right.

It's all these, it's every single martial art that people can put into one person and now they're going in. So you're truly seeing, I believe, who the toughest guy is. I love anything that has to do with heart too, because it's like, to me, that's your heart, that's effort, that's a winner, anything where it's like,

it's like, what is the amount that you're gonna, the bar of entry is like, how much can you take, what can you overcome, anything where it's like, that's the heart on display, because that's pure. You're talking a guy who has to train in every form. He has to box. They have to weight train. They have to jiu jitsu.

They have to wrestle. They have to recover and take those punches and kick that. Yeah. And that's another thing too. There's jiu jitsu involved and there's wrestling. So it's not all just getting punched in the head. You know, boxing is you're trying to punch them in the head as hard as you can till they literally go out kidney and all the.

I mean, it's boxing is a tougher sport. It's tougher. You know what I mean? It's not tougher, but it's you're getting hit in the face and you in that. Like they'll go to the ground and start. So there's a guy trying to choke you out. There's another guy defending it. It's chess. So you're watching the guy and he's about to get that.

And then the guy slips his arm and puts his head that way. And then all of a sudden he's on top. It's like, how the fuck does that happen? I should watch one. I should. I've never been able to. I feel like there's something I watch where someone's maybe it was even a dream or something like the Bemer got cracked. I know what happened. That happens once in a while.

And whatever it was that clip stayed with me and it freaked me out. Yeah, that could happen in basketball. That's right. It's true. Happened in Tom Segura. He fucking his arm fucking flip back or something like that. How did it? Was he just walking around?

Playing basketball and he felt it. Right? What was it? You have to see this. It's nuts. Well, she doesn't want to see it. Right? Do you want to see it?

You want to see it. I mean, dude, I can't watch it. If it's someone to even mean if you do you see it come out of the socket? Here's the thing. When I see Tom, I feel like it's going, I mean, if you, do you see it come out of the socket? Here's the thing, when I see Tom, I feel like it's gonna happen again. He's got those slippery joints. I was, yeah, it's the worst.

So I understand what you're saying, but no, it's two warriors that know all of it. Coming in with everything they've got. Yeah, like one guy, okay, so this guy's good at boxing. He'll go take them down to the ground. Now that guy has to get out of that. And then he's trying to get on top. And then this guy's a wrestler.

His strength, he'll take him. He knows how to defend against getting the take. It's just so much shit going on with these guys now that when you see a mixed martial art guy, it's the top of the top. And afterwards they're all fucking bloody and all that, and they are thanking everybody. That's like the ultimate grace. As soon as they're done fucking bloody and all that and they are like thanking everybody. Like that's like the ultimate grace.

As soon as they're done they hug each other. No matter what was said, no matter what was done, those are two people that did what we've been doing since the beginning of time. And they're doing it in a safe environment for entertainment I guess. But it's not, you're not just watching guys beat the shit out of you. You're watching guys who learned an art form, which is boxing,

which is Jiu Jitsu, which is Taekwondo and rest. That's you know, that's that's crazy. And they're and they're and they're there is doing it in front. I think, right. I think it's but Jiu Jitsu to me is the best because, you know, it's it's like there's no really punching involved. It's actually just is the one where it's like you use certain parts

of your body to manipulate the power of it. That's Judo, which is insane too. Like I'll actually, Judo is fucking nuts too. Judo is like throws and stuff. That's what I'm thinking of, yeah. Which is, I mean it's crazy that we thought of that shit. We figured out right smaller per I love this because a smaller person can beat a bigger person which with

Just a tactic. Yep mental. Have you ever had a I don't know if you go to a chiropractor But have you ever had like a really petite person do an adjustment? No, I was in Vegas once and they brought the chiropractor like comes out and it's this tiny little woman She's probably like 60 and I was like, all right, like let's see. This woman, like she, cause she knew how to use her, she threw her weight around and then crack, crack, crack, crack.

And I was like, the people not take you seriously when you come in. She was like, yeah, of course not. And she cracked the shit out of me. I, let me see, what do we got here? This is terrible. All right, can you, this light is killing us. This is Tom Segura.

Guys, this light needs to go up down. Guys, hold on. Hang on one second. Yeah. Make a make a cut here. Fix that light. Danny, mark that. I'm going to mark this right now. Thank you.

Bring it way up and then tilt it down, please. How are we supposed to have to? We have a fucking flat screen for the guests and you put a light in front of it. I'm also well before we go up higher and just tilt it down. How are we supposed to have a tea? We have a fucking flat screen for the guests and you put a light in front of it. I'm also, whoa, before we bring back. Go up higher and just tilt it down. Yeah, you can tilt, yeah. There's another pole over there. Yeah, I can move it, I just gotta get out of that tree.

All right, he's gotta move that. Oh, so he breaks his arm. What's that, Danny? Also, just so you know, we're at 5505. Yep. And a reminder about the Facebook thing. Yeah, we got a lot of stuff, dude. I gotta talk to you, but we really went off on topics. We're at 5505 and a reminder about the Facebook thing. Yeah, we got a lot of stuff, dude. I gotta talk to you, but we really went off on topics.

We're gonna go, we'll watch this and then we'll go. Can you move it over? Yeah, you move it over to the other bar. Wow. Okay, here we go, that's much better. Yeah. That's it. Thanks, Joe. Thank you. Look at his stomach.

Look at your stomach. Look at Joe's stomach. That's called a cheese stomach. That is. Alright, yeah, turn it this way. High quality. Okay, there you go. Yeah, that's the quality you guys want. Alright, I don't know if I can watch this.

Alright, let's see it. I mean, I don't know if, ah! Danny, you're. It's cause you know it's come. I mean, I know it's come to Cuba. Danny loves showing shit like this. Okay, alright, we're because you know, it's come. I mean, I know he loves showing shit like this. OK, we're back. All right. Yep. All right. Let's check this out.

I don't even know which one time which one is the black guy. OK. Oh, oh, hey, damn, damn. Was it his arm? His arm, right? What was it? His arm or leg? I don't fucking know. Yeah, that doesn't look good. But you know what?

You don't see that. Yes. But that doesn't look good. And you know what? Also, we can both probably relate to that type. You know what I mean? Like, he's kind of running out. Oh, I can't. That would be me if I was playing, you know what I mean? Like he's kind of running up. No, I can't.

That would be me if I was playing, you know? I want to ask you a question. Like, cause I'm at, I lost all this weight. I got the surgery, right? And now I'm at the point where the surgery is kind of, you know, the governor of it is kind of going away, but I'm starting to eat, I still eat right. Yep. But I'm working out now.

Great. But I need to lose that. Like I need to, I need to build. What kind of workouts are you doing? Okay, I'm just doing dumbbell workouts. Great. So I'm just working with dumbbells, I'm doing probably if I do curls,

I'll do like a 20 minute workout, and I'll do max eight to 10, four sets on each thing. There's a guy I follow a lot named Mike Isretel and I think he's got like the most like practical advice on workout stuff. So I'll try to like Ian turn me on to him. So I'll watch him and then progressive overload. Cause you need to send the, the message to your muscles that we need more of it. So basically like you want to do resistance training where it's like each time you do it, you want to do resistance training where it's like each time you do it, you want to do another rep or another set or something where it's just a little

bit more. So say you do 10 pounds, you do three sets, eight to 10 reps at 10 pounds. Next time you do one more set, one more rep, one more or more weight, because then your muscles are like, Whoa, we need more. And then you get through the nutrition. Then it's going to be, then when you sleep, that's when your muscle really builds still. So the recovery is really important.

I should have like a protein shake before, like casein or something while I'm asleep. That would be great. Cause you wanna also, and this is me kind of like paraphrasing just from bits and pieces with, when you're really trying to build the muscle, you wanna be spreading out the protein. That's like one like pretty popular school of thought

that you wanna be getting like 20 to 25 grams of protein each time you eat. I wake up having a protein shake in the morning great So I got like 30 grams of protein great and then I'll have like this morning. I had like Turkey ground turkey with it's a bitch getting enough protein. I mean it's like Tracking it is a pain you should probably get I'm gonna say like 150 grams of protein a day, right? But I err on the side of like you have a lot of protein But how do I like now I got this 20 pounds right here.

You can do it. How? It's gonna be, because you're old, have you gotten your hormones checked and all that stuff? I would go get your hormones checked. They might wanna put you, because it could be, you wanna get your testosterone levels checked. 400.

What's that? 400, that was my T. Oh, see, I don't know what the numbers are, but I know you. 800. You wanna- 750, 800 is normal. Under four is below, get it, yeah? Yeah, it gets, but I know you. 800. 750, 800 is normal. Under four is below, get it? Yeah?

Yeah, it gets under. But I'm a nerd. Why not? Because I'm afraid, like, I don't, like I'm not doing steroids, right? No, don't do steroids. But I'm not, like testosterone, like is that? Because your body needs it.

I don't want to hit my wife. It's gonna be. I don't want to, fucking, you know what I mean? I said turkey. If you, it's not ground enough. If you even get close to something like that, then you just say, okay. What is tea going to do? What is testosterone going to do? I wish I knew like the more, because I don't look into testosterone as much,

but it's going to help your body put on, put on muscle and just like replenish what you, someone who knows, you know, we should pull it up because I don't actually wanna, I don't wanna misquote this because it is really important. You can misquote it. Basically, it's gonna, your body's naturally producing it, wasn't actually producing it anyway, T-levels decline, all types of stuff starts declining.

Right. NAD, all these things like your mitochondrial health, your cells, you wanna just help boost that up because one thing with longevity, it's not anti-aging, it's not necessarily about extending your life, which might happen, sure, by a couple years, but it's about improving the quality of your life while we're here.

Not all my, you've been fucking miserable for so long that all of a sudden now I'm like, okay, how can I make this a little bit better? Why are you miserable? I have been, I don't know if it's the chemical or what the shit, but I feel better now. And I do think with, one thing with men is getting your hormones checked out and I do

think testosterone just helps. For visceral fat, I am really into peptides. There's a peptide called Tessamerelin that's an Ipamerelin that is supposed to specifically help visceral fat. That's belly fat. Belly fat, yeah. Yeah, fat, the fat fat. Which is, which is.

The fucking, the hand fat. The disdain on his face. I hate it. But it's that stuff, like you can do that with your body. I don't want I don't want to be. It'll take a little more time. I want to thin out. Like I could look like you.

I'd be so I'd leave my wife. I wouldn't leave her. I wouldn't. That you go on a trip, you know, you come right back. You would hate me. Yeah. You imagine. Bobby, do you think do you think the reason that like, you always hear when you used to be more angry

and Soderl and Joe always have stories of you yelling at them? Have my tea dropped? Do you think because your tea dropped is why you're nicer now? Danny, why don't you shut the fuck up? It's so- You want my tea? Is that what you want? You want my tea up?

I can see how they're afraid of it. They're like, no, no, with the testosterone. I was a fucking asshole because they were dickheads. How's that? It could I would say go to a hormone doctor or a longevity expert or some a TRT clinic and get it checked out I did it was 400 and did they say anything about supplementing it? You know, it's weird I tried to get it checked out and this is gonna be weird and I might get shit for this There was a woman doctor. Yeah, and she was like, why do you want to do this? It's so interesting too because you hear that when women talk about going to a male gynecologist

and maybe they're not understanding what's going on. She was like, why do you want to do this? And I'm like, well, my T's, well, why do you want to bring your T back? It was almost like, I don't want men with testosterone. Get her out. Go to another one. Go to someone who's going to take it seriously. Yeah, it's like, because I want my fucking, you know what I mean? Because I don't want to be a cuck to people like you. And they, that's what you should have said. And then she would have said, you got too much.

But also it's like- And then she fucking grabbed my balls. It's almost like- Fuck it, I was like, my T's back now. It's almost like a, it's like a bad spin on testosterone for people that will always be like putting it in the category of of the bad things that it does. It's not bad. Because it's gonna help your body,

like it'll help you put on muscle, there's almost no reason not to do it. Right. I think. And it's weird too because I found out I have all these things that I, I thought I was mentally ill, never to be fixed my whole life.

And then recently I found that I had ADHD, I have dyslexia. I'm dyslexic too. And I have ADHD too. Yeah, and you have ADD? What is ADD? They fucking updated it, so ADD is now all ADHD and it's so frustrating,

because whenever I post stuff about ADHD online, people are always weighing in about if it's ADD or ADHD. I mean, give me a break. I'm neurodivergent, I don't know. The dyslexia is hard for me to understand too. I can't read and I can watch it. If you give me a book on how to do something, I can't do it.

But if you show me a video, a 10 minute video of a guy doing it, I suck it in. And I know it and I just go do it. I built a bookshelf, like a beautiful bookshelf for my son. I watched a guy on a video do it, and I just did it. Once, maybe twice, I went and built it. I'm the opposite.

So if I watch someone do it, I'll be, good for you. If I read it, I'm fucked. I have to read it, and my short-term memory sucks. I can't. But I don't know, it's hard to know, what's dyslexia? What's ADHD? Do you take anything for the ADHD? No, not yet.

Do you take something? What do you take? I take Vyvanse ADHD? No, not yet. Oh, you do you take something? What do you take? I take Vyvanse. It's it helps, but it's like, well, I mean, I've been taking I start taking I think it was Ritalin when I was in high school. And that when I first went on it, because I don't know if it's different now, but back in the day, they go, OK, here's the pill. And you take it.

I don't know what the fuck it was. All I knew was I was at this school, I got kicked out of it. And then I started taking Ritalin. And while I was figuring out where I was gonna go back to school, this is like freshman year of high school, I remember I'm on the Ritalin. I would be up at 8 a.m. organizing my dad's comic book collection.

I was geeked out. I didn't know it at the time. All of a sudden I'm up, I gotta categorize. I didn't know what, cause they don't tell you what it is. My wife would love me on that. What it does to your brain. I woke up doing dishes, cleaning the house. And then it does make you crash.

Okay. But it's like, these are powerful drugs and no one's explained, only in the, oh it's only in the past. What does Vivance do? Why is that different? Vivance is mixed with something called, I think it's L-theanine or some,

the way that it doesn't give you the spike the same way Adderall does. Right. But, and they say it's supposed to be good for people who have addiction. It's better for people with addiction is you just take this one instead of Vivance because it doesn't give you the spike the same way Adderall does. Right. But, and they say it's supposed to be good for people who have addiction. It's better for people with addiction as you just take this one instead of Vyvanse because it doesn't give you that. Does it help you focus? That's the, yeah.

Does it? That's what it, yeah. It helps you. All of those. How many milligrams do you take? I take 30. All, and I don't take it every single day because it can mess up your sleep, but it doesn't, it's supposed to be a calmer, more subtle.

It stays in your system like 13 hours. Right. So you, Vyvanse and it helps you get work done and focus on the thing. It helps you get work done, yeah. What's the worst thing you've ever done? What's the craziest thing, because you're ADHD or ADD? Oh man, I don't know. Come on.

I don't know what's, it's hard to know what's ADD, because I'll always be like hesitant to like blame ADD. Yeah. But it's like, I, I don't know how all the different ways it's affected my life. And I've been medicated for a long time on it. But it makes you focus, but also you can't necessarily control what you're gonna focus on which is real Oh really or like a big part of ADD which I learned about is hyper focus

So it'll be like if you have a hard time switching gears like when I get focused on something and then you try to get me Off it. I'm doing this. I have a hard time like there's like a mental dexterity thing What's like I just do focus on the one thing you hyper focus Well, my wife will take advantage of that because she knows I I might have OCD too I don't know if it's my 80. I don't know what the fuck it is My wife she did this morning so all the wires behind the TV were selling a house so she wants me to so she she knows that when like

She'll give me a task. Like, I came home after being on the road Sunday, and she goes, hey, can you help me with this branch? Right. And then I'll go over there, she'll be like, yeah, this tree needs to be cut down, and that's all going in the gutters. And she'll have all the stuff out.

And I'll be like, yeah, I'll help you. And I cut the thing, and I'm like, well, that branch needs to be... And then I'll be like, oh, I'm gonna get I cut the thing and I'm like, well, that branch needs to be. And then I'll cut and then I'll be like, Oh, I'm going to get over on that. All of a sudden I'm on the roof, cleaning the gutters. Right. I trimmed all the hedges. I cut all the trees back and I'm climbing a tree. And I'm like, you bitch, right.

You got me out here. You knew got me. And she's like, we needed to get it done. Yep. She's got little snacks laid out, see her out there. So by bands or something could, it could help you, but if you got this far without it, maybe you don't need it. I haven't got far. I got to a point and I've literally plateaued for four years.

I mean, to me, four years doesn't sound too bad, but we always wanna be moving forward. So maybe the Vyvanse, maybe it would help. I'm gonna look like you. Or NAD. We should do a photo shoot. There's something called NAD that is a... I wanna talk to you real quick about this. Um, you, uh, you had a Facebook group. It wasn't, it wasn't a Facebook group.

It was a Facebook group. She had a podcast called... You had a podcast? There was a, there's a Facebook group for her podcast. Right? That was Secret, the Secret Keepers Club had a... Yes, the Secret Keepers Club. Yeah. And it was for women only.

No. Yeah. It was, it was mostly women. It was 99. And it was for women only. No. Yeah. It was mostly women. It was 99. And somehow my producer Danny got in it. Oh, I don't think it was ever. I did Secret Keepers Club with Carly Aquilino for two years. There is a Facebook group called Emma's Dilemmas. And it probably is mostly women, but it wasn't advertised.

It was just like, that's who. You know Danny got in it? Hey, welcome to the club. Thank you, Danny. Thanks for the support like and subscribe there was there was a funny Situation I for the secret I joined the secret creepers club because I was doing what the secret keepers club Facebook group Nice one more time secret keepers club Facebook and then now just Carly does that does that podcast that was she is funny Though I haven't talked to her in a long time But but this was a while back and I joined it because I had you on a show

and I was trying to promote, I was gonna post about the show. And after I joined the Facebook group, I saw that some of my, a friend, that's not a close friend, but his, that's not a comic, his girlfriend is in the group and posted something to this group, to your podcast fans, just shitting on her husband,

who is my friend, saying he stinks at sex, and she doesn't love him anymore, and just like full on shitting on my friend, not knowing, she doesn't know me, I've never met this girl, but I've met her husband many times, not knowing that I saw it. It was pretty crazy. So, did you say something?

I did not. You didn't tell the guy? No, I didn't. I mean, that's getting real involved in their life because they're married. But she's, to me, that's where being anonymous is key. Yeah, but she didn't think an autistic Jewish kid was going to sneak in.

Danny. Yeah. Fucking Danny. Yeah, what are you doing in here? And she's in there trying to trash her stupid boyfriend who has a husband husband. And you never told him. I didn't know what to do. I don't know. You should be like, yo, dude, check this out.

That's brutal. You have no man code. That's brutal. I would have screen shot of that immediately. But then you're so involved. So what? So involved. I screen shot it. I just sent itotted that immediately. But then you're so involved. So what? I screen-shotted it. I just sent it to other friends. Oh my god! You should start your own secret group, you piece of shit! Wow, what a fucking piece of trash you are.

That's when so many things, it's like a lot of things had the line up for you to then be witnessing that. Then you're like, I know I'm too, I know too much. I'm in too deep. God damn you pussy. It is her fault for posting in a, not a public group, but a group of people you don't know. A group of people that for Emma, not you.

She should have done it anonymously. I think, but also, you know, whatever to, I guess, I don't know. That's, I would really, really want that to be under a fake, fake book account so you can't get it tracked back. I want, I want you to send that to him. Are they still married? I think so. Yeah. Oh my god What would you have done if she said she cheated? Oh That makes it even more complicated that you blackmail her into doing stuff to you I would be maybe scared if you got more testosterone

No, I would be I would be curious if you come in. You're smoking those cigars. You make them touch your dick. That's what you do. Emma, anyways, how you doing? I wonder if it does make, I bet it doesn't make people more aggressive. I think it really just helps them balance out. But I'll be curious. We'll see.

Maybe next time I'll see you. You come in, I'm yoked out. Yeah, like flipping the table over. All right, listen, you're fantastic. What are you promoting? What do you got? Right now, I'm gonna be on tour. All my dates are at www.iammawoman.com

and I've got a podcast called Ask Me Anything with Betchers Media. Love to have you on that anytime. And I've been, there's a movie, we filmed like three years ago, which I guess isn't that long, but it's out in theaters now called Ezra with Bobby Cannavale.

My parents just saw it, said it was amazing, and loved you. I love that guy. I love it. He's such a good actor. It's amazing. I feel stupid even saying that because it's like, yeah. But we spent time together before then I watched him on set. Yeah. And I'm glad it went in that order because I think if I had seen him acting in scenes,

I think I would have been then like starstruck interacting with him. Sure. Because I was watching him. This is what a what I was like, there was a line in the script and it got cut from the movie but in the script he says, I forgot what I'm gonna say. This is in the script, his character says this. And I'm like watching and if you're on the set

they'll have like, there's all these like prompters set up for the people to like, the makeup artists to watch what's going on so they know when to run in and like fix the nose or whatever. So I'm watching it, the makeup artist to watch what's going on, say no one to run in and like fix the nose or whatever. So I'm watching it the makeup are saying, I read the script, I know the line is him saying, I forgot what I'm gonna say. Even though he's such a good actor, I'm watching him do this, I sincerely was like, oh my god, he forgot what he was gonna say.

Really? Yeah, that's how in the moment he was like, he I was like, I was like, wait, did he really forget? And that happened two times. I'm literally like, that's how this and like afterwards, like, I was like, wait, did he really forget? And that happened two times where I'm literally like, wait, that's how this and like afterwards, like, what do you even say? I was like, you're really good. And he was, you know, thanks.

You know, he was so good in everything he did. But when I saw his penis in Boardwalk Empire, he shows his penis in Boardwalk Empire. It is you're kidding me. Amazing. I bet it's the exact. I hate when I see an actor. He shows his penis in Boardwalk Empire. Awesome. Really? Yes. Bring up Connivale's penis. Boardwalk Empire. Because isn't that that's a that's a TV show, right?

It's a HBO show. And he and there's a scene where he just pans up and it's out. And no way I was I was literally stood up. Me and my wife, we both stood up like, bravo, Bobby, bravo. Oscar, Emmy goes to... The penis. It is insane. I'm not surprised.

He's a, this man, he's a class act of a human being. Yeah, a great guy. I can't believe he shows his penis or something. It is awesome. God bless that man with a lot of gifts. Yeah, it was a good, and then the movie, I watched it, the movie was, it was very touching. Go check it out, what's the name of the movie again?

It's called Ezra, it's in theaters now. Right now, go check that out, make sure you go follow her. If you're on my phone, you won't follow her. Make sure you follow her. I mean, just an awesome human being, hilarious human being. I watched your set last night, I walked through. I think it was last night you were on stage. Oh, at the bar, at the bar.

Yeah, it was great. You know, I hope it was last night. You're on the bar at the bar bar. Yeah, it was great. You know, I hope it was okay. We made the joke about, uh, your kids, the kids, Lewis and your kids. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, it would all respect. Now, well, there might be a couple, you never know. Um, oh, here's his penis right here.

You got it. That's it. Oh, wow. That doesn't. Wait, where it was. There's no way he would. It says it was a feeling. Make it bigger.

His penis. I can't see What is that? I? Didn't know that is that didn't look like a penis. I forget it Hey go to punch up dot live to see all my dates punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly all my dates are up there San Diego I'll be I'm all over the place make sure my specials up there for free So go check that out over there And where you guys gonna be? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff

And you can see me the third Thursday of every month at comedy of Irvin Somerville, New Jersey And if you just want to go to YouTube and type in the cheese show there's a great show about cheese Check out my producers Danny and Joe they're to be with me all over the place. So make sure you come up to them and follow them to you guys. The best fans in the world. If you want to, we're going to ask her some questions right now from the Patreon. You can join the Patreon Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. You can ask anybody who's on the show questions and we bring them up.

You get the extra episode there and we get an extra episode of YKWD every week with me and mush and we'll see you guys next week on. You know what? Later.