Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #549 | Adam Ray | He's A Genius

Episode Date: August 25, 2024

This week Bobby talks with Adam Ray about he's a genius, Dr Phil, bad corporate shows, and more FOLLOW Adam Ray IG: AdamRayComedy Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT / robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! / robertkelly / ykwdpodcast / ykwdudepodcast / ykwdpodcast Support the show and get $50 off your Boring Mattress purchase at https://www.boring.co with promo code DUDE Support the show and use code DUDE to claim a bonus up to $1,000 on your first deposit with MyBookie at https://mybookie.website/DUDE Support the show & upgrade your closet with True Classic. Head to https://www.trueclassic.com/DUDE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, you know what? I was thinking like you do Dr. Phil. Maybe I'll do like somebody else. Maybe I'll do another talk show. Great. Like Judge Duty. I'll do Judge Duty. Who was the first thing you said? Judge Duty. Yeah. But you said Judge Duty for there. Yeah, because she shifts her pants. Now she's a kid version. Judge Duty. Judge Duty. Yeah. Here we go. All right. Here we go. So maybe I'll be trying to coach you, coach Judy on something. OK.

So I'm here with Judge Duty. Yeah, I'm here. No, no, no. Spot on. Yeah, because I think she's from, she's an East Coast. She's Long Island. Yeah. Judy, can I call you Judy? You can call me whatever you want. Just don't call me late for dinner. Okay, I'll take it from here. I think that there's something about what you're doing in your life, right? You're real judgy. I know it's the title of your show and also the title of the way you live your life but you said you've been dealing with some diarrhea I want to just get that out of the way real quick listen to me mister I've been a judge for a long time a lot longer than you've been doing your talk show shit okay

what's your language oh oh is that the way you're gonna talk to a woman so I talked to my guests okay great that's fine well if I'm glad you're's fine. Well if I had my gavel I'd stick it right up your ass. Well maybe I'd like it that's a bad example. Well maybe we get that going how's that? Well I'll give you my number. All right let's get this going. Well let me ask you this how long you been a woman? I've been a woman for 40,000 years. Prove it. Prove it? I'll show you my coochie right now. You're fucking dirty ball bastard Well that thought will be right back my bookie sports book and casino platforms Let you bet on every game and win anytime all from your mobile device

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with my bookie. Yeah, baby. We're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what dude live welcome everybody to the show. IKWD's back again. I started a social media podcast. The facts. The YKWD podcast. YKWD's back again. Old school, back in the day, where it all started before them all.

YKWD. YKWD. This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, how are you ruining this? Where's the bomb, Dan? I'm sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does.

Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. Hey, what's up everybody? It's Robert Kelly. I'm back with YKWD. You know what, dude? I mean, it's the longest running podcast in the world.

Not the most popular, but I started it all. What's up everybody, it's Robert Kelly. I'm back with YKWD, you know what dude. I mean it's the longest running podcast in the world. Not the most popular, but I started it all. On the West Coast at least. We're above the Comedy Cellar, at the Comedy Cellar Studios. We got a great show today, I'm very excited. I'm not the only one who's very excited. My producer has, I mean literally, cummed his jeans.

Bro, so many DMs. So many U-ups, so many what are you wearings, so many what do you smell like right now. It's nuts. So many can you send me a pub shot. Adam Ray is here. What's up buddy? Good to see you brother.

I'm gonna tell you right now that, I mean, Danny is, I mean fucking nuts. Thanks Danny. He loves you. Here's the thing, you'll see in front of us that you have a sign that says, genius. I did see that on the way in.

I have a sign that says, very good. Wow. Because. Is there always a place card for the guest? No, this is the first time. You're the first one and probably the only one. Well now we know we can spell, right? Well there's a.

And read. Oh yeah, he's of course, look at him. He's got burgers and tism. He's got it all, there's a... And read. Oh, yeah. He's, of course, look at him. He's got burgers and tism. He's got it all. Sounds like a great cop duo from the 80s. Burgers and tism?

Who would you be? Who would I be? Let's forget the first names of them first, and then like, is it Rob Burgers and like, Alan Tism? I wouldn't even be in... You and Danny would be the stars. I'd be the angry lieutenant that just wants to retire. Can I be honest?

I know you're joking. Great part for you. Yeah, it would be. Yeah. You come on me, I'll be like, guys, I got three days left. Just do whatever the fuck you wanna do, okay? Burgers and tisms. Burgers and tisms.

We're not solving any cases. You should be solving all the cases. You have autism and you are fucking, you're an ass-burgers. Oh my God. We should have no crime. There should be no crime, no issues, no domestic violence. We shouldn't even have to give you guns.

We should solve it like. You guys have tas to give you guns. You just solve it like... You guys have tasers and glue guns. Yeah, it's like monk and psych all wrapped in one with Colombo. I love it, dude. It's funny because Colombo did, was autistic. He was. Wasn't it weird? He had to be.

Well, he had a little eye thing going on, didn't he? I think he had one eye. Yeah, that's what it was. He had one eye like Sammy Davis Jr. But he also was autistic. That's all he was. Sammy Davis Jr. No, Sammy Davis Jr. was black also was autistic. That's all he was. Sammy Davis Jr.? No, Sammy Davis Jr. was black. Oh yeah.

Yes. Yeah, he was. I swear to God. And Jewish. Thanks for the clarification. Mazel Tov. Yeah. Are you a member of the tribe? No, but I did have a Jewish foster father for three years, Ken Laz. Holy sh- Ken Laz.

And I worked- Lazarus. And I worked at a Jewish camp once. Okay, so you're part of the. I'm part of, I've been to Passover dinner. I've had the kafelta. Yeah, we'll take that. I've had the potatoes and I learned how to eat lox. I'm Irish Catholic from Boston. So when I showed up and they had bagels with fish,

I was like, you guys are fucking mentally ill. Yeah, I still won't eat that. You won't? No. Dude, I got into it. I love it. Really, lox, yeah, never been a fan. Even growing up in Seattle, never still won't eat that. You won't? No. Dude, I got into it. I love it. Really, locks, yeah. Oh, I love it.

I've never been a fan. Even growing up in Seattle, didn't even really get into seafood until probably a couple hours ago. A couple hours ago? No, I mean, even a couple years ago, maybe. Really? Yeah, same thing I'll fuck with,

but oysters I just was around and had no interest. Shrimp cocktail for sure, but I don't consider that seafood for sure, but it's more of an app. Well, it's funny. Now, I didn't know this a, more of an app. Well, it's funny. Now they have, I didn't know this, that you were from Seattle. Yeah.

And they have- You can't tell? They have Jews there. Tons of Jews. I didn't even know that. You know how there's a lot of Japanese people in Japan? Yeah. That many Jews in Seattle. Buddy, why did I not think there was Jews in Seattle?

Cause I don't know, it rains a lot and you think Jews would go like, ugh, if again, like- They do. Like, we gotta, you know, they do. I always think Jews in sunny places. Totally. Like a nice. Boca Rotone.

Boca, Florida, nice. Palm Springs, for the winter. Long Island in the summer. Arizona's very nice this February. It's very nice. They got a new zoo, they have a Trans Panda. It's Trans Panda. That sounds like another cop show, Trans Panda.

An animated show, though. No, you, So you did, you started comedy there too. I did probably two open mics at a place called Giggles. That, I mean it was the club in the 90s. I mean when I started going around there, you know, Geraldo's my favorite comic of all time. Who was that? Greg Geraldo. Oh I know who he is. He was on, not the roast, what does he know? Yeah. Who was that? Greg Giraldo. He- I know who he is.

He was on, not the roast, what does he know? Yeah. I wish I could remember a really raw credit. I'll get it, he's the best. Yeah, dude. Tough crowd. I was trying to think of that sitcom he did with Swartz and what that was called. What was that?

Remember that? No. They featured it in the Give It Up for Greg special that Comedy Central did when he passed. But it showed a pilot that he did. I think it was a Greg, no, it was called like Buddies or, you know, it was a foursome. Buddies was Dave Chappelle and, and, and, and what's his name? John St.

No. Common Law. Is that the, that was the name of the thing? It was Common Law. Of Swartzen and Greg. Swartzen and Greg. He was a lawyer. Buddies was Dave Chappelle and Jim Brewer.

Jim Brewer. That's right. Well, Jim Brewer got fired and they tried to replace him with Dane Cook. Little inside information. Wow. Little backdoor information. How'd that work out? It didn't. It didn't. Another show. I think they actually they did an episode and then they tried to replace him with some shit like that. So Giggles, I mean they had pictures of Seinfeld, Gaffigan, Geraldo and this but and and you know looks like people that were working and that that at least, I started in 2007, this is like 2001 when I did my first open mic.

It was before I moved from Seattle to LA to go to school. And I was like, I should, I know I wanna try it in LA, didn't end up doing it until 2007, did a few frat parties, but three times until I started, so I don't count that. You know, because three times is just not enough to do anything, and three minutes is just not enough to do anything. And three minutes is plenty of time to do something. Three minutes is usually is my time.

Yeah, for real. To do most of it. For sure. Oh, I come, if it's not my wife, three minutes. Wow, yeah. If it's my wife. I don't think they want more. Yeah, even...

My wife doesn't want any of it. Are you married? Yeah, two years. How many kids? No kids. No kids. We have two dogs. We are probably waiting a couple more years till kids. Are you married? Yeah, two years. How many kids? No kids. No kids. We have two dogs.

We are probably waiting a couple more years till kids. Wait. Yeah. Yeah, wait. How old's your wife? I'm 42. She's about to be 29. I started when I was 42.

I had my kid at 42. Wow. Yeah. What do you mean wow? No, wow, I mean like, okay. I won't be around. I'm about there. She's gonna be alone.

You're right, you're right. I will be good. No, you look good. Thanks. Yeah, Mazelzel and I'm looking good But 40 I'm just saying wow like okay I feel like I'm in the pocket then my mom doesn't want me to she's 75 but she's clicking and ticking But she is like I don't want to not be able to Play with them. You made me laugh because you say shit

There you have these little fucking sayings. I watched your special. Oh, thanks. Your special was great. Oh, thanks, man And it is a lot of fun making it. Well, the funny thing is that We were talking about people who have on our last stuff and he brought up your name He's like Adam Ray and he goes he's a genius. That's what Danny said and I went What? Yeah, that's a big word for somebody you don't know very well. First of all, Adam, I watch your special. It's fucking great. Oh, thanks man. You kill.

Thank you man. And you kill from the second you get out. Thanks man. You don't stop. Not at all, which I respect. I love that. I hate. It's just not my style.

I used to, there's a faster, less coherent version of that when I got going. And I was always told by people, slow down, slow down. And I do, crowd work is where I really take my time and listen and I feel like I've gotten pretty good at being able to build a moment, gather info. You know when you first start doing crowd work, I wasn't listening at all, I was just,

I hear silence and be like, fuck, there's no laughs. So then when they would respond and then they'd stop, I'd be like, guys, I like your shirt so fucking gay, you Jew guy. And they're like, that'd be like, guys, I want your shirts off fucking gay you do guy. And they're like, that was even tied to what he was talking about. But now, so that's where I take my time. But with bits sometimes in the special, I guess, more or less, I just, I just, you know, I don't know, not in a way, but I mean, dude, the second you come out, you're fucking nailing

it. And the thing that I like about it, because you're a genius, I'm very good, from Danny. Because I said, as soon as he said you're a genius, I go, what am I? He goes, you're very good. That's what the guy who produces my show said. It's funny, you want to stay humble? You're a genius, I'm very good.

Dude, I mean, look. So every time he brings your name up, I'm like, you mean the genius? Do you think St. Jaya got better on American Idol when Simon told him he sounded like a, what do you say? He said, you sound like a cunt that was put in the microwave. I forget what, I'm paraphrasing, but he said something very nasty.

Paula was supportive. That didn't make him better. Well, the thing is, Dad Fan did win last comic standing. So I don't know if that theory holds. I mean, America really made a choice on that one. It did. Where's Dad Fan now? He's probably back in where Dad fans from,

whatever place that is. I would love to see him now. You know, he probably, you know, he probably is such a cute little boy. Totally. But he probably aged boxy. Yeah. He's probably very boxy right now and his head's big.

Like, you know what I mean? Like those Filipino boxers. Tom Sizemore. Yeah, Tom Sizemore. Big head. What about, who's that other guy that fucking? Dan Soder. No, Dan Soder's head is huge.

Big head. It's a big head, but it's- A lot of brain in there. It's working for him. It's a lot of brain and you can use it as a weapon. I don't think I thought Dan, I don't think I thought Dan's head was big until he said, I did some of the Burt tour with him,

and I think he or Big Jay made a comment about his head. And that was the first time that made me go like oh yeah I guess it is it's massive yeah but maybe we're talking about hats and then he said something about not wearing them he can't wear hats right that's I bought him a hat he couldn't fit into it he needs the the other size hat yeah it's a massive fucking head you got to get the the pegs the little whatever they're called trucker hats I guess more or less no you can't he can't even wear those he has to wear the extra large one it's so fucking big does go like it to a big they're called trucker hats. I guess more or less. No, you can't he can't wear those He has to wear the extra large one. It's so fucking big. Let's go I could do a big they're big and tall for for hats. Yeah, they do. Yeah, they do. Where do you shop?

I shop well used to tie you used to shop at DXL a couple years ago. That was the worst I could never fucking buy anything out like it's not like his Spencer's gifts. No, that's the fat guy store It's like on a route. It's never in the's Gifts. No, that's the Fat Guy store. It's like on a route, it's never in the mall. It's like on the side of the mall. They're like, dude, let's make it as accessible for the fatties as possible. Yeah, it's always next to like a golf thing

or a burrito place. And then you walk in and there's just Fat Guy's working there. And I love the mannequins. They're big. They're fat mannequins, but they're in shape fat. Not fair. No, it's not fair

Yeah, it's not fair and as soon as you walk in they it's just you feel like a piece of shit smells like red just Like somebody's baking something so just yeast from underneath their fat tits and stomach fat tits another great show Fat tits is a fucking great show. I don't know if it's on e it feels like a show where women Almost like a botched spinoff. Do you know what I'm saying? People are coming on with fat tits. And maybe they're looking to go down a size, or maybe go up a size, like some circus show.

I think it's maybe three middle-aged women and then one older guy. Yeah. As the, he's like the lead detective and the three fat kids. Oh, so it's still a detective show. We're always staying detective, dude's like the lead detective in the three fat kids. Oh, so it's still a detective show. We're always staying detective, dude. We gotta stay detective.

There's some Vince Vaughn show I just saw preview for that Bill Lawrence on Apple Plus, and he looks, again, some sort of a crime, there's murder, and he's like at the helm trying to put the pieces together. I fucking love Vince Vaughn so much. Unbelievable. He's the best.

Never been bad. Never, not one fucking movie has been bad. And he's funny, and he can play a psycho quick. Oh yeah. Which I love. Bro, even that movie, what was it, with Ben Stiller, well obviously at dodge ball, but Neighborhood Watch? Yeah.

Kind of a, I mean, hey man, it was a big studio comedy, like when we were still in that time where that was happening. Remember? And I remember being like, this is still very funny because he's I mean look I just rewatched old school on the plane coming over here unbelievable I mean he's like truly unbelievable I mean like that and the speed at which like what does he say when Luke even just a great scene it's

not even like super funny dialogue but he'll go since like see you got like a marching band for the party that he's throwing he goes yeah marching band I don't 12 speaker cities I'm like goes in this whole model goes yeah yeah I'm gonna get a thing I get a fucking marching band with all that he's just make sure you can see the stage you know that's who he is in life which I love I've heard he's who that he you because I've seen him in interviews and he's that guy he's always saying something fucking quippy and funny bro even the breakup with Aniston kind of a

heavy film and like super funny. Yeah, I'm glad they didn't get back together. I know. Makes me so happy. Yeah. Which, okay, so Giggles, so I'm at Giggles in Seattle. You fucking. And all these guys on the wall, all these greats, so I was like, whoa, and that just

gave me my first little taste of like, holy shit, I'm in a room where people that I've heard of are, we're doing it. And then moved out, so I did one open mic, and then went to LA, and then again, I was in acting school at USC, so I didn't really have time to leave campus and go to Sunset and do clubs, and I wasn't really interested.

I was like, I'm just gonna be an actor. But I always had stand-up in the back of my head, because SNL was always kind of a dream, and I knew, that's why I started, because I was like, oh, I think some of those guys have stand-up backgrounds, so at some point I should start doing it. Just to get that weapon in my arsenal or whatever.

And so then did a few frat parties that I mean, fuck. I opened for a couple of bands and I rehearsed like 45 minutes on both shows. Both shows at the frat party started like an hour and a half late. Everyone's fucked up. It's outdoors. Nobody wanted to see a comedian, especially somebody

who's done it twice. Yeah. So I get up there and I did at least 35 of the 45 I rehearsed. And I mean I was doing, I had like these long ass act outs and I mean, I think I have tape of one of them that I did at the frat I was in, A.E. Pie, the Jew frat, and I got some good heckling responses to some girls that were being loud. And then at one point I think I just took a deep breath and was like, this is not going great.

And that got like a big laugh. And then said something else. I had got like a couple good laughs about some campus type shit. And then mostly I was just being talked over. And but like, I guess like any young comic, I was like, all right, well, that sucked, I gotta do that better next time. Not like, man, I'm never doing that again. Oh, I would quit the business if that happened right now.

It was, yeah, I mean, it was, I can tap back in to remember standing there and looking at some of my friends who were watching in the crowd, just being like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, and being like, dude, and then some laughing, some really supportive, but they couldn't hide on their face. The worst part is when you come off and you're like hey. I know it wasn't great yeah. They're like hey man what's up bro?

Oh yeah nothing about the show. Dude you were up there for, you were up there how to feel. You hungry? I immediately put it on you. You hungry dude? You good? You must be starving dude. Dude let's get the fuck out of here.

We're gonna get the fuck out of here. It's like two hours. Dude it was like 32 minutes. Dude try doing a prom boat. You did a prom boat? Dude we used to do them in New York City. They'd hire you to do the prom. Oh yeah. On the boats around the Hudson. It's actually a prom boat. You did a prom boat? Dude, we used to do them in New York City. They'd hire you to do the prom. Oh yeah, yeah.

On the boats around the Hudson. That's actually a great idea. It's awful, because when you bomb, and you will, because the last thing teenagers from Long Island want to see is some fat guy fucking talking pussy jokes. Oh yeah. That was terrible. But you're on the boat.

You had to find like a little corner of the boat to hide in. After the show. And just smoke, because you had two hours left before you, you're just waiting for, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr doing sketch improv at a rock venue. Right, were you guys an improv troupe? We're an improv troupe. What was it called again? Al and the Monkeys. Wow, dude.

And we did this thing, we won this contest in Boston, and then the local holy shit radio station had a rock a Boston thing, and they asked us to do it, which the year before it was like in front of 600 people at a rock club, fine. Right. They changed it to 14,000 people at the old Boston Garden. And then we didn't even, it was so cocky, we were like, yeah, let's fucking do it.

We're doing sketch and improv, we're killing that fucking, you know, 50 people at fucking Stitches. And then, dude, Dane had the last minute advice that we should all get different colored shirts, which was so stupid because we look like a boy band. Now we look like a boy band. The wiggles that didn't make it. And we had to follow the spin doctors.

What? At the end of the show, they put us in between the spin doctors and fish, 14,000 people, and Dan at one point was like, dude, we should all squat down, and then when they announce us, we jump up and turn to the crowd. Hilarious, dude.

Which fucked them up. That's how he comes on stage now at the laugh act check the internet no he doesn't know he doesn't is a bit about it does he have a purple shirt on always and I there was so bad they started today fucking hated us do it asking the crowd for improv oh 14, 14,000. I get a location. Get the fuck off stage. That's more, okay, that's a longer, so out of here, outside. We heard outside.

Somebody threw a shoe. Of course they did. Which was awful, because that guy had to go home without a shoe. That's how much he hated us. That's how much he hated you guys. I'd rather walk home with one. It was fucking terrible, dude.

It was bad. Yeah, one of my second open mic at Giggles when I came back, actually during the holidays, I did, I brought like 30 friends, right? Which was not the move, but they were all coming. And I was like, ah, it's fine. I wasn't yet privy to the idea of like, don't let family and friends see you yet

until you've gotten decent. So I was just like, yeah, come on down, it'll be fun. And I remember them all laughing. And I remember I got real baked for the third time and I had a guitar and I was doing some songs and it was fun and they were all laughing and I was I was I stayed in the pocket I'll give myself credit that was just like what I look back at was I just even if things were off All right forget stuff. I just stayed in it and kept going. I just didn't stop

You're a genius. That's why you're very good. People don't stay in the pocket. I don't I stay out of the pocket I I fall out of the pocket. I fall out of the pocket a lot. So he he pulled I was I think I got you know, seven minutes. I think he gave me a couple more minutes because I wrote 30 fucking people. And it was I probably got to about 720. I remember looking down my phone 720 and I was like, okay, cool. I gotta wrap this up, you know, because I saw the light and and he pulled the fucking mic audio.

Really? So then I just dropped the mic, like mid bit. I'm like, pretty much my last bit. And I'm like, you piece of shit, I brought, his name was Terry Taylor, he's now dead, so karma's a bitch. All right, but he was kind of an asshole. But how'd he die?

Probably somebody pulled the plug on him. That'd be funny. Yeah. It was you. Yeah, oh my God. He actually ran the tickets, the kitchen, the. That'd be funny. Yeah. It was you. Yeah, oh my God. He actually ran the tickets, the kitchen, the bar. He did everything.

He was a cheap motherfucker. And when I first had a headline weekend there, he was running everything. And my mom's waiting to come into the show at the ticket thing, because he's doing that. And she's like, hello, can somebody whatever? And he was like, it's going to be a minute, sweetheart. Like fucking chill, bitch.

And my mom was like, I I'm the mama you can't talk to me like that and I'm like fucking you know usually embarrassed if she does that or like you know we just went to Benihana a few days ago my mom's in town and she goes the music's playing super loud in the little room we're in the little private room and and it's not we didn't ask for a private room every little Benihana room on 51st or 54th has a little. Where the fuck did you find a Benihana? Yeah, it's right in Black Square. Is it 1998?

I haven't seen a Benihana. There's a whole street that has those, and it has a Radio Shack, and it has Dan Cortez is there. Oh, really? Serving sliders on the side of the road. And so the music's super loud. And the woman goes, can I take your order? And my mom just says, with a smile,

doesn't mean it to be condescending, goes, if you turn the music down, we can probably order and hear you. I love her. Yeah, Spunky Jew from Oklahoma, Puddin' is her name. Oklahoma, they have Jews in Oklahoma? Tons. Really?

They make them there fuckin' every day. Get the fuck outta here. I will not, tons of Jews, Ada, Oklahoma. I swear to God, I thought they were all on the East Coast. Yeah. And then sprinkled in Hollywood. Totally. Yeah. And then sprinkled in Hollywood. Totally. Yeah.

There's probably more in Hollywood than you would imagine. But again, everyone's a transplant. Yeah. Actually, there's a lot. I went to get in the Jew frat in college. So there was a lot of homegrown Jews around there. But so so Terry anyway, he died. And but he pulled the plug on me and I just dropped the mic and said, fuck it.

I'll finish the joke a cappella. All my buddies cheered because I was just like I think I'd seen her, you know, Robin Williams live on Broadway something of him fucking and I was just like yeah fucking I do plays like what I can't fucking project the last piece of this bit The last piece of this pimple popping saved by the bell college years bit whatever sort of genius material I had about eight years later Yeah And so I dropped the mic and finished the bit.

And he got off stage and he just reamed me a new one. And I remember even at that point, I took it, but I was kinda like, I go, yeah, dude, I'm so sorry. I go, I went over, I know, a couple minutes ago. I mean, the whole crowd was pretty much my friends and they all bought drinks and stuff. So like, not that I say that to justify anything, but like, I don't know, man, pulling the audio

was pretty wild and he was just like, do you not fucking get it? How many times you've done? I was like, yeah, you're right. And I just immediately backtracked. I was like, I don't know man pulling the audio was pretty wild and he was just like do you not fucking get it how many times you've done I was like yeah you're right and I just immediately backtracked it was like I don't so you know I'm glad he's dead fuck him what a wild thing to do to yell at me for that I mean it was like and pull the audio was a big I mean dude I was 30 people that's crazy I was on stage when we used to colleges I don't know if you came in after that but colleges were a big thing yeah and uh's how we, like back in the day, you'd make your money.

I did a handful, but not like the money you guys were probably making. I was doing it from 1500 maybe. I had a lady come up and in the middle of my set in front of an auditorium, just take the mic out of my hand and go, thank you, Robert Kelly everybody. Awesome.

In the middle of a bit. And I, dude, I was energetic back in the day. I was like, and she went boom, and I was like, I was still in the pose, and when she took the mic. I was like, and then I just waved, I was like, fuck. Dude. It was a bit that she cut you off from. I think it was something about scaring people,

and I said retarded, she was like that's enough. You can't say that. Yeah, I was fucked up. Yeah. Those, yeah, those there's, I mean, look, a college, a corporate gig, it's all subjective. You're not set up to win. Dude, corporate gigs are the way. I did a corporate gig this year and my agent always, I love them to death, but they always

do it. It's good money. It's going to be fine. Who gives a shit? Take the money, man. Take the money. You can't, who gives a fuck? And I'm like, in my brain, I'm like gives a shit, take the money, man, take the money. You can't, who gives a fuck? And in my brain I'm like, yeah, I'll get the money. And then you go there and you're like.

You still want it to be a good show. Dude, I would rather be a stripper at that point. I went up, I think it was 200 people standing talking. Two rows of seat with four people, four people watching. And they had, dude, I have video of it. It's, the kid I brought was bombing so bad, and the PA, the speaker going through the restaurant, PA, so it was coming out of those little tinny speakers.

And then I went up, dude, and I was fucking eating my twat, and then I started fucking with a guy. He was the big guy. And he looked up and he goes, someone else. and my twat and then I started fucking with a guy. He was the big guy. It always is. And he looked up and he goes, someone else. And I went, what'd you say? And he went, someone else. And I just cowered.

Dude, I went, hey, where are you from? I panicked. Because the check was big. I needed that check. Well, good move. That's called reading the room. And you should be savvy enough at that point today I have no problem with that because if that guy I mean yeah, who knows what he's gonna do to say like we're not

Yeah, I don't know. You know it's this it's also not worth it. You know you're there to be funny So like starting shit with the boss I did one in Dallas recently and they told me to roast and toast everybody the guy found me on Instagram I was like dude. I fucking love your crowd work, dude. Fucking, we are hiring Adam Ray, dude. Fucking light people up, light them up, burn them down. Fuck them up, suck them up, spit them out, dude. I'm gonna give you some names, some info,

pictures on these pieces of shit, fucking losers. Light them up, dude. Dude, there's one guy named John Thompson, man. Fucking, he is such a fucking piece of shit, dude. Light them up. So I go, where's, so I'm going around doing a few monologue jokes about their company. They want me to kind of host the award show. And it's going all right. The first, I'd say five, six minutes, I'm feeling pretty good. Like,

all right, this is better than is a 2000 seat ballroom, but it was like a dinner. So, you know, I've done one since where they're all seated for the show and that was way better. And I was lighting up kind of some of the, uh, the grandson who kind of ran the company and you know, I said some about getting shots for everybody because they were like no we're waiting till the bars after I go dude I go come on dude open open daddy's pocket open I go you got the fucking keys to the car like let's go let's and everybody was laughing and he was kind of smiling but he had a real like real kind of nasty girl that he was with that was not having any of it but the kid was

laughing so then I started to make fun of her anyway it went it went okay, but these people were seated for a dinner. And so then I go, where's John Thompson? He's wearing sunglasses inside, he's got Backstreet Boys, Fu Manchu, and blonde tips. I go, John, if you're here, who's selling fentanyl to middle school kids? And everyone kind of laughs, and then he goes, I'm in AA, man. I go, haha, we're having a good time. What's going on over here?

And then in between they go, let's have some banter in between the awards. So there was an award called the Johnny Shipman Award. And so I go, guys, before I give out the Johnny Shipman Award, let's all just take a moment to acknowledge what he brought to the company. This guy, a legend, and this is why his work on and off the court is why you guys created an award to acknowledge what he's brought to the company. I, of course, know Johnny Shipman as the first soft core porn star in the northern

United States to make 15 women come in 15 minutes. This guy never met a hole he didn't like. He had the eyes of a serial killer and the cock of a stepdad. So to give out the Johnny Shipman award, let's bring up your host and MC Ashley McEwen, who is the real kind of did all the bullshit awards in between. She comes up, I sit down at the big shit eating grin on my face. I'm sitting in the corner like, dude, I'm gonna cash this check. You fucked up on a free night in Dallas. They got a whole after party with games next door at the adjacent

ballroom. And she gets up after I just lay into this guy, Johnny Shipman. She goes, thanks Adam. Johnny Shipman passed away six weeks ago from leukemia. Oh, fuck. Yeah. And I just hear one guy in the back go, oh shit. And it was the guy who hired me. And we had to go laugh about it after it Needless to say I did not have not come back They had their I think they got Alfonso Ribero this year for their Alfonso. Yeah, so that's another gene. That's what he's genius So took over America's funniest on videos. What a salt. What a sweet gig that was

Isn't it weird they always self-correct way too much when we fuck it up. Yeah when the comics come in Yeah, we want that. And then they they get what we do. And then the next year, it's some fucking priest, very iconic, some asshole who is not funny. Yeah, it's I mean, people were and I have a lot of people come up to me and be like, you know, you know, people that were of, I guess, just that seemed like decent comedy people that were like, dude, that was right.

And but it was a lot of dude. We thought you were funny. And I was like, all right. And then I was, that John Thompson guy won an award for like his, being kind of, he was the life of the party. I guess he was kind of their top earner or salesman, whatever, and is really good. They put him out in the field to schmooze clients

and whatnot, but definitely like a fucking drinker. And I was making fun of him having pill pops and this and that. Oh, sorry, there's a different guy, cause he's not fucking drinker. And I was making fun of him having pill pops and this and that. Oh, sorry, there's a different guy, because he's not in there. That other guy was. This guy was a big partier, and I could tell he was like a good star employee,

but I was roasting him throughout the show about having a major drinking problem. All this stuff, all in a fun way, not making up stuff, being like, I bet he hits his wife. You know, it was all fun stuff. That's fun stuff. Yeah, Touche. So he comes up to accept the award, you know, it was all fun stuff. That's fun stuff. Yeah. So he comes up to accept the award, puts me in a headlock. No. Actually, I walked to the side, he goes, hey, come on back here. Hey, funny, funny man. Funny man. Headlock in front of everybody. I

go, dude, I can smell the HPV on your breath. I go back off. And then he goes, ha ha ha ha. He's mad. This guy, oh, he wasn't having it. This was his. And I kind of said something like, don't do something that you're just going to cost you your job, man. You wasn't having it. This was his, and I kind of said something like, don't do something that's gonna cost you your job, man. But it was, yeah, nobody was laughing. For a wardrobe that will take you from the beach to a bar, you need True Classic. Their ultra comfortable and super versatile summer collection has you set.

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We're some leaders now, yeah. Dude, come on. We do the Beacon in November for the comedy fest. Can you make another sign that says humble? Yeah. Can you do that? The amount of things I've had promised and not happened or just have auditioned, hey man,

I mean, that's why I'm just, it's super fun, and yeah, dude, it's awesome. But, I mean, that's why I'm just, it's super fun. And I'm, uh, yeah, dude, it's, it's awesome. But what's cool, it's, I'm glad I have done standup for 17 years and don't have to lean into this is like my main thing. It's every little, whatever little thing you get to give you a bump or a boost and get eyeballs on me for people to come to the show. Now selling out standup shows is what's cool. And people coming for the show and then, you know,

and finding from a Kill Tony thing or from the Phil thing or just have been following me for a while and then go, oh, it's cool now that I'm seeing you for the first time and that you have the show to back it up, you know? Well, if they see you do Dr. Phil and that's what they like and then they see your stand-up, your stand-up holds up. Like your stand-up, they're gonna be like, holy shit. If they go to your special, it's not like wah wah.

You know, where that could happen. Yeah, and the show's always different. I always have crowd work in between the hour and then, you know, always new bits and so that, yeah. But I find a way to acknowledge the Phil thing. Every show I find a way to, I have a bit about how I started doing it and then just why I love him and I do a Phil thing. Every show I find a way to, I have a bit about how I started doing it, and then just why I love them, and I do a Phil bit.

How did you start doing it? Well, it, so the strike hit, and so no auditions, and you know, because I'm still out there trying to be in TV and movies, you know? Done a handful of shit, but like nothing that's been a really like consistent show, like a lot of one and done things, you know? Did the CW mad TV reboot, which is how I met the makeup gal who does all my fill stuff.

She was on SNL for about 10 years. Jen Aspinall the original mad TV and she did the reboot and then that was on CW. So nobody watched it. It was such a fucking waste of I mean, it should have been on a streamer or back on Fox, you know a real opportunity missed to push the envelope And the head of standards and practices and CW at the time just kept fucking, we'd have the first table read, Rob, and we were sitting there and I just called you Rob. People call you Bobby, right?

You call me that. I'm gonna call you Robert. Dude, Rob. I thought I'm just gonna know you. Dude, I love Rob. Really? You're a genius. You're a genius, dude, please just don't stop this.

What do you really prefer? I had somebody correct me after 11 years of calling them their last name wrong, and I told them, I go, you missed the boat, dude. Dude, it's one of the shit names. That's why I named my son Maximus. Great. Because my name is Rob, Bob, Robert, Bobby.

Everybody calls you Bobby Kelly. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, it's one of those things. I go by Robert Kelly because when I went into SAG, Robert Kelly was already, Robert Kelly was already taken. Bobby Kelly was already taken by some fucking poet in New Hampshire. I couldn't take it. So I went Robert Kelly and then I got, that's when websites came out. So I had to get Robert Kelly. So people, and it's just a shit name. I hate, I hate it.

Have you thought about tracking this guy down, doing a little like web series, going to New Hampshire and just knocking on his door and be like. He's died. Oh shit. Yeah, he died. Oh shit. He's dead. He was a poet? He owned a club. A slam post?

Comedy club. He owned a comedy club. Oh shit. And then yeah, he died after this guy went over one time and all these fucking people there. And then he just fucking killed himself. He actually blew his brains out. Yeah, he was just so fucked up about it.

I think that actually is how this Terry Taylor guy died. Did he? It's worth a Google. Dan you mind looking up how did Terry Taylor giggle as comedy club owner die? There's so many other ways to kill yourself too. Blowing your brains out is so fucking 60s. Yeah it's very Dick Tracy. It is like dude come on come on man. You gotta kill yourself. There's a building right over there dude. Even a building jumping off a building sucks. Stick your head in a fryer at McDonald's something you can write How about this go out and jump in a great white shark's mouth?

Are you afraid of the ocean chum? I'm fucking terrified. Yeah me too. I don't like the ocean I don't hate it. We don't know what's we my wife is also terrified of it She goes we were kayaking and San Diego we were doing show in the ocean Yeah, and she was terrified we fell out and she got back in so quick and was just like I go wow That's what's up. She goes. Yeah, I fucking was gonna be bummed if you got taken, but I was not gonna You you're going first My nephew do that to reason me to my nephew's nine and we I took him to a Seahawks game and we got a hotel And he never stayed in a hotel and he was so fucking he's like dude This is the greatest place I've ever seen I was like, yeah, it's a Hampton and easy, you know, they get better and

But it was it was a nice one downtown Seattle and he I go which You know, it's a little bit bigger room I had a little you know nice little sweet desk thing in the corner or whatever So he was just like holy shit, you know, we brought snacks He was jumping on the bed and I go which bed you want buddy goes I'm taking the one closest to the window. I go off for the view of Seattle He goes no because if somebody comes in tries to kill us, they'll get you first. Yeah I'm like dude. This kid is a sight. The ocean is so fucking terrifying to me. We don't know 73% I think is what the

stat is of what's in there. What you just on Rogan? I'm about to go on the first time. Are you really? Any advice? Fuck you the first time? Yeah. Dude no advice. Sit down he takes care of you. Yeah. And you just talk and it goes wherever the fuck you want to go. Totally. It just don't feel like you need to know. Dude, it goes by so fast and it's like, we're done and you're like, what? And then it's three hours or whatever it is. And it is, he will talk, he can talk about anything.

He'll go wherever you wanna go and he'll just do it. He's so fucking sweet and accommodating and interesting. And yeah, like you bring something up, he'll fucking, he's like. Yes, you bring something up, he'll fucking, he's like, dude, he has this curiosity about shit. He's into stuff. He's like, all right, what is that? I had glasses, we talked about glass.

We talked about all kinds. Shit, I didn't even think I was gonna talk about. I don't have to feel like I know. Well, here's the thing. I fucked up. I showed up an hour early, okay? But it's in this nondescript building. So I'm walking around like, this can't be,

but all of a sudden a Navy SEAL pops out of a bush. Mr. Kelly? And I'm like, what? And it's just like, you're an hour early. You're not supposed to be here for another hour. Would you like to go get coffee? So this fucking dude just took me to a coffee shop and he's on the walkie talkie,

and it's like the president. And it's like, yeah, I have Mr. Kelly now. When is, I don't know, they had some code name for him. I'm not gonna say it on the walkie talkie and it's like the president cool, and it's like yeah I have mr. Kelly now when is I don't they had some code name for him I'm not gonna say it on the air cuz I was getting a frappuccino. We sure we still want him on the podcast He's uh, yeah, but then they take you in dude, and he comes in and he's you know, he's he's real chill Yeah, lit up dude. Yeah, he's the shit. Yeah, we're not I wouldn't consider us great pals But at the story was always real chummy when he'd see me always what's up and then down the mothership a billion times and what just did some Phil shows there and and then kill Tony's and just shows when I've been in town and always

nice but I also got to this point where I was like you don't got to be best buds with everybody so when I there's a few early on when I'd see him around and then sometimes it'd be a little quicker with the hello and then you get insecure, also just who he is. I was like, yeah, dude, not everybody, there's no requirement when you're around the clubs. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's a nice cordial thing to acknowledge people's existence. Give a bump, whatever, but even I remember-

I'm the worst, dude. I'm the worst. I wanna be best friends. I wanted to be best friends with him since I met him in Boston when I was an opener. I opened for him back in the day. We hung out, we had a good time, we were friends. And I wanted to be friends with him forever. And I remember one time, I'm such a piece of shit,

he was starting the UFC, but when they were doing it at the Palms, that's when it was smaller. Oh, yeah. And he's so nice. He called, he's like, hey man, he actually called me up. He's like, you're at the Palms, we're at the UFC, blah, blah, blah. And I just over, I was like, hey man, I'm doing a show at the Palms, you want to come by? You want to do a set? I'll, you know, come by, I'll hang out, whatever you want to do. I'd love to go. Now, wash your clothes, what's up? Dude, I went, I must have scared the shit out of him. And then then later that night He never came by my show because he had the UFC Why would he why he had to do extended the offer in my brain keeping the connection going? Okay? Yeah. Hey guys, Dana

I'll be right back. I'm gonna go do a set and Bob Kelly's 50 cedar I came out after and I mean, I'm so sad I was eating in the diner by myself and then I looked over and there was just a table of Ralphie May, Joey Diaz, all these fighters, because I'm into UFC, all these fighters I knew, and then Rogan was there, and I'm like, ugh. And I walked up and I was like, hey, what's up, guys? And he was like, hey, what's up, man, how you doing?

I was like, cool, man, how was it? Good, man, all right, cool. I was like, all right, I'll see you later. And then I went in and take care. And I was just hoping that they'd be like, dude man, that was good man, alright cool. I was like, alright, I'll see you later. And they're like, take care. And I was just hoping they'd be like, dude, sit the fuck down. They didn't give you the invite. Not that time, but he's,

like he's always the one who's, went to Vegas one time for the UFC and he's like, dude, we're going to see Dias. I was like, no, I'm not gonna. He was like, you're coming, dude, don't be a fucking asshole. And he bought dinner. I don't know if there's a more generous guy out there

than that guy, because I did a set on a show at the Viper, whatever the fucking, the room in Austin. No, the other one, before the one. Oh, Vulcan. Vulcan. And then he hands me a check for, I mean, a cash, thousand bucks. Wow.

I'm like, dude, I just did 12 minutes. He's like, nah, man. I mean. Cool. And the fact that he gives that club to us. Yeah, he made that club totally comedian Yeah, he's he can't you can't you can't get yeah You're gonna have a fucking blast and plus you get you know, the way you follow stories you have you're gonna Is you're gonna kill it? You're gonna love it. I appreciate it. Yeah, he I Definitely was you know,

three hours feels like a long time, but like you said, I think it's gonna fly by. Oh dude, it goes by so fast you just wanna stay. Yeah. I didn't get my picture in front of the werewolf though. Gotta do that. I wanted that, I didn't get that. He had a go.

Did you smoke a cigar or weed? We smoked his cigar, the foundation. I don't smoke a lot of cigars. Should I smoke one prior? I don't wanna look like I don't smoke that one. No, don't smoke prior. Oh, you don't smoke? Not really.

A lot of weed. Smoke it on the show, see what happens. Maybe you'll throw up. That'd be a fucking good one. Totally, it's a great clip. Plus his cigar is- Jamie, clean that up. Look that up.

Yeah. Look that up and clean it up. No, he, yeah, his cigar is one of my favorite cigars in the world. The Rogan is the guy who makes it. I mean, sometimes they make these cigars for people and that cigar is probably one of the best cigars out there. I would venture to assume whoever's making stuff for that guy. I mean, yeah, that he's

got table guys like the tape, the green room table in there. That's what I what would be your thing? You know, I've had now after this, uh, is watching the kill Tony that Shane and I did the Biden. I did. Yeah, it was fucking great. Oh, thanks, bro. I mean, Shane, I mean, Shane is always bro. Thank you. Yeah. So I mean, he's getting his flowers for that as well. He should. But that's so funny, man. He stayed in it. Is that, you know, again, I've been fucking around like that for a bit,

but he's you know, he's done Trump on SNL and a sketch show and short things. But to stay in the pocket like that for two hours, obviously we broke a few times and whatnot. But but yeah, really impressive, man. I was because we didn't discuss shit, you know? You just went out and did it? Yeah, we kind of, once Tony was like, I need you to come down sooner, bring the makeup gal, Shane's sticking around to do Trump.

It's going to be epic. Oh yeah, you know what's happening. You know what we're doing down here. We're building it. And I was like, all right, because I was already going to do it. And I'd never done Biden, but I was like, if I could figure it and and kind of do the voice a little bit my act and for a couple bits But but it was really the physical stuff and she was like, what do you he's like you gotta wear the glasses We got those last minute which I think really helped and then he's like you got to get the smile and I was like

Oh, yeah, I kind of And then the full smile this and he was like, yeah So he was really like and he's like, what do you when you walk out? What are you gonna do? And then I was like, I think I'm gonna kind of shuffle around and then maybe turn around He's like I was gonna say it's like turn around like go back into the curtain. Yeah, I kind of be disoriented Shane genius Totally genius. I'll put it on it. I'll put it I'll get him one of those. You should get one of these Yeah, he'll never do the show

Let's call him out right now Where's the Shane Gillis do the pod cam? He'll do it. He'll fucking do it. So he's another sweet guy. Tony's a great guy too. Cause he's a. Been doing that show for 10 years at the comedy. I mean, well, I mean, it started in the belly room and it's wild, dude.

The fact that people are so wild about it is, I mean. The Garden, dude. Yeah. The Garden. Yeah. A show like that, a podcast, a crazy ass show, kind of goes off the rails at some point, is doing The Garden two nights.

It's good for him. Yeah. I mean from the store. Good for the business too I think. It's like good for, like, that it's going in a direction where people, that's kind of, it's not saying that stand up is on the back burner.

It's just like, it's a, you know, it's a little another piece of the pie to kinda carve out. He's given a bunch of new kids to be able to come out and do stand up. He's invited all the comics in New York to come down. I mean, not me. He's not inviting me down. You didn't get the invite? No, I'm not. No. You're gonna come hang? No. What are you watching on the phone, by the way?

No, there's nothing on the phone. Watching like a Family Matters rerun while we're doing this? It's just my phone's on the side. It was set up like you were watching something on your tray table. No, I'm actually watching your act. Can you believe it? I'm watching your, your spag... No, dude, yeah, he's, no, I didn't get the invite, dude. I didn't get the invite. Come down if you want, I'll give you the invite. No, no. Okay. I can't go on your cloud card. I'll tell you why. You ready? One time somebody did that,

I think Dane did it. Neil Brennan had a, remember that movie he did, the used cars thing? With Piven. Yeah, Piven. Don, the goods, Don Reddy story or something. So Dane invited, dude come down, they're doing a premiere, you can come down, blah, blah, blah. And I'm a comic, I know Neil, but I showed up, we're out front hanging out, all the comics

and the producers. Yeah. And then I'm just sitting there listening, just, you know, I'm glad to be there. And then at one point, Neil looked at me and goes, why are you here? Oh. I did.

As a joke? No. I was just like, I don't know, Dane? I don't know. I was like, Dane? Dane? Yeah, dude, I don't ever go somewhere where they're like. I don't think anybody would think that.

No, no. Everybody loves it. You're a super likable guy. I'm just saying invite me, Tony. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. Totally. It's all right you. You're a super likable guy. I'm just saying invite me Tony. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. Totally.

It's all right. Well he's trying to play in the show out. Maybe he's just getting lost. Dude, I have to go home tonight and watch some YouTube and I'm gonna go do some curls. My wife's making meatloaf. I have things. Wow.

I have a lot of things going on tonight. You're busy. I'm busy man. I don't even know if you could have time for the garden in your schedule. Not tonight. You're gonna skip meatloaf Saturday? I'm not gonna, yeah. Is that where you have meatloaf schedule. I don't not tonight now Let's get meatloaf Saturday. I'm not gonna. Yeah

Well, is that where you have meatloaf and watch meatloaf concerts on YouTube? I love meatloaf. How great was meatloaf? You didn't like me. I'm sure I mean, I only know one song what song the big one. I would do anything for love That's the yeah, I mean, it's a banger too. If you're gonna have one. I think it's tough enough to have multiple bangers That's why you look at groups even like a Paul Abdul you, you go, dude, six to seven banger radio hits. Banger. And you're set. Anytime that song comes on, do you not sing it? Which one?

Meatloaf. Oh, yeah. Dashboard Light, At the End. And you do both parts. You do the girl and you do him. You have to. Right? Do you karaoke?

No, I don't. But I would right now if you wanted to. Yeah, I mean, I thought you you were gonna maybe bust into that. That feels like a meatloaf choice for you. I gotta sleep on it baby baby gotta sleep on it. I don't know the other part. I don't know the song. I gotta sleep on it I'll give you my answer in the morning. Singing it again doesn't make me remember it more.

I gotta know right now do you love me? Will you love me forever? Will you leave me? Will you love me forever? Will you leave me? Will you never leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away? Will you make me? I gotta know right now before we go any further do you love me? Will you love me? First of all that's a song about fucking a 16 year old by the way. Do you know that? We'll be right back. We'll be right back. Is that really? Adam Ray, yeah. Dude, every song back then is about banging young kids.

It really is. Yeah, it's just about kids fucking. What the fuck? Back in the day, yeah, it's by the dashboard lights. It's two fucking teenagers trying to fucking finger fuck each other and suck dick and fuck each other. Jared from Subway was born in the wrong era. He was.

Aren't we all? That was his time. I think so, yeah. What's the era you would love to go back and just get around? Oh, come on, dude the 50s Wow cool 50s dude back when men were men. Wow, is that the is that? What's the show with John Hamm Mad Men? Yeah 50. Yeah furniture was the shit furniture was the shit You had a secretary. I love a good furniture era. Yeah

Little mid-century contemporary. Yeah. Also, it was a fair city and everybody was the mayor. Everybody was fucking everybody. And I think there were no diseases yet. No, you could bang, there's no disease. I don't think there were condoms even. No, you got her pregnant, you just fucking, you know, sent her in the alley. Oh, you got another kid.

Yeah, or send her on the way. Get a little apartment, raise that kid too. Or go to the war. Yeah, do something. Yeah, plus you know,, raise that kid too. Or go to the war. Yeah, do some, yeah. Plus, you know, do big, men wear hats. They wear suits and ties and smoke cigars. The airline, that's really what stood out to me

from that era, is that people dressed up. Dressed up to go to dinner, dressed up to go on the plane. That's a great old Sebastian Maniscalco bit, I can't remember exactly, but it was just something about back then. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly, dude. What is it? Guys got dressed up, suits,

cigars, you could smoke on the plane now. This guy's just coming in with sleeping bags and cargo shorts. What are you doing? I mean, so funny, dude. The like most, like what a simple fun observation dude. Do you ever, who's the last guy, just talking to somebody about this,

who's the last comic you like went maybe to the club to watch with somebody that was in town and you weren't just hanging out? Or maybe you were hanging out and you were like, I'm gonna sit down and watch the whole hour. Shane. Oh cool. I went to Shane at Radio City Music Hall. Wow. And I wanted to go see his set.

It was right after SNL. I got, he was on Bonfire. Yeah. With me and Joe, Crackle Crackle. Yeah. And he invited us down. I went and it was weird to be right, he was looking at me, you know Shane,

he's always looking at you. Like is he gonna kill you or something? Yeah, yeah. He's just staring. He's like, you wanna go up? And I was like no. I didn't. Cause you wanna hang and watch? I just wanted to see his set because first of all too if I go up, I don't wanna fucking take the show, you know what I mean? Sure, yeah, then now it's a Robert Kelly show. It wouldn't have done nothing. How many times I killed in front of Dane? Wah wah. I'm still fucking playing Poughkeepsie. Listen.

Shout out to Poughkeepsie. fucking playing Poughkeepsie. Listen. Shout out to Poughkeepsie. I love Poughkeepsie, you guys are awesome. But no dude, I did want to watch him and I didn't want to go up to him because I didn't want to take away time from these young guys. They're like flipping out.

I'm gonna take fucking five minutes away from them. That would have sucked. Cool, he asked you. And no, he's fucking great. And he went, I watched this whole set. It bothered me though, cause it was people there, like people that knew him, and they would just yapping the whole time.

And I'm trying to sit side stage. In the audience. No, in the side stage, like they have chairs that you can sit on. And I almost was like, hey guys, could you shut the fuck up? The guy. Yeah, that's disrespectful.

Dude, but he murdered, it was great. Of course he did. That's the last guy I went to watch to see him do his shit at, and it was cool to see Radio City musical nuts wild. Yeah, I saw him at helium the last time before that I was at helium Oh, he had like a Tuesday night of some shit me and Voss went down to do it And now he's at Radio City music. I was crazy rich I just met for the first that we did kill Tony together maybe about a year about a year ago. It's fun, man

Yeah, he's the best. Yeah, what a wild guy. He's about when I talked to him about mid-century I was like dude. I love mid-century Back in the 50s. He goes that wasn't the 50s. I go what he goes mid-century is not the 50s stupid What is I go dude? What's a century? It's a hundred years. What's the middle of that? 50 what's the 50s you fucking asshole? And he goes, I'll go fuck yourself. Does that happen a lot where he gets corrected like that?

Yeah, all the fucking time. Yeah, but he knows a lot too, doesn't he? Here's the problem, me and him, I believe in both the same stupidness, but I admit it. He thinks he's a genius. When Geraldo was around and kicking with you guys, was he just abnormally more intelligent or was he just one of the guys and just like, I guess what I'm asking is for a good Geraldo

story. No, he was the best dude. He was a... Can you give me a good one? Something. I remember he made Eddie Iff fry. Oh my God. That was like a wild.

I think they had... Was roasting him? No, I think he accused Eddie Ift of taking his bit. And we were down at the cellar, at the table, and all of a sudden Eddie Ift walked in and Geraldo just stood up and got in his face. And he's like, dude, you fucking took my bit, man. Geraldo turned into like, you know, he's a lawyer.

He's like, you know, he's a... Sure. He's like... Notice how to interrogate. You took my bit, man. And Eddie's like, what are you fucking talking about? Dude, you do that fucking, and it was some bit about a keyboard where

they both do this or something and he had to it was so silly just to see him go dude you fucking he did this and I was just like oh that's gay yeah that's fucking the gayest thing I've ever seen and I remember Eddie left and he sat down fucking my bit man my bit my keyboard bit my keyboard bit so funny yeah Geraldo was the best, though. He made fun of me. I got the host for him at the Irvine Improv over Halloween weekend, and he was one of the

Midlife Vices just came out, his last special. And I asked if he'd sign a copy for my dad, and he goes, two lances, sorry your son's gay. And then, still have it. And I remember I went up on the first night and I had a backwards hat and clean shaven. I was wearing like this checkered shirt, and he goes, keep it going for Adam everybody. Thanks for dressing up.

You look fucking you're ready for picture day in 1993 or whatever. You sound just like him. Oh really? Yeah. Oh wow. You sound just like him. Yeah. Love him.

You're doing Dr. Phil this weekend, right? When does this come up? I think next week. Okay. Yeah. I will- In two weeks. Two weeks. Two weeks. Okay, great. Yeah. I will. In two weeks. Two weeks, two weeks. Two weeks, okay, great.

Yeah, I will have been at the Garden for the Killtonic shows. And you're doing Dr. Phil there? Yeah, I guess since this will be out, yeah, on Friday. And then maybe something Saturday. And then I'm coming back, so we just put some theaters on sale. We're doing the Miller and Philly on October 25th, Capital One Hall in D.C. on the 26th.

Is this Phil or you? Phil. So you gotta, dude, this is fun. And then The Beacon on November 15th for Capital One Hall in D.C. on the 26th. Is this Phil or you? Phil. So you gotta, dude, this is fun. And then The Beacon on November 15th for the festival is Phil, and then Celebrity Theater in Arizona December 6th, Civic Center in San Diego December 7th, and those are all the Phil theaters for now and then more in 2025.

Now who makes more money, Adam or Phil? There's a lot of moving pieces for the Phil Show with makeup and whatever, and I'm bringing out like an opener and another guy that's always a part of it. Jeremiah Watkins is- I love Jeremiah and whatever and I'm bringing out like an opener and another guy that's always a part of it. Jeremiah Watkins is, he and I used to fuck around and do these lost Phil episodes during COVID. And that's kind of how I honed the character because we were bored as fuck and I was like,

are you down to kind of get into space? And my makeup guy was not working and she's like, yeah, I'll wear a mask and make you up. And so we would improvise for about two hours with one of his bananas characters and then cut that down to about 45 minutes and put on YouTube and So that's where I kind of found like the abrasiveness of him kind of you know like, you know He had like this, you know barista character and I was like well, you're shy is your problem You know, you gotta you gotta walk in dick out, you know

And I mean that literally take it out when you walk in 6 a.m See what happens hold that that will be right back and like. And then getting more, just finding whatever version of him that I was gonna do in the show that we do now. And then really it was, like I was saying, the strike hit. And so auditions were few and far between. And then it really kind of shined a light on like, dude, I do not wanna be, I've gotten close on some things that really fucking sucked.

And then I was like, why am I, like, I have more to bring than just being beholden to somebody being like yeah we want to you can be on our thing right so I was like alright I've always wanted to do some sort of a live show and so I was doing these Adam Ray and Friends shows at the store like everybody does and Bill Burr had canceled on one and then he was like I'll do the next one and so then we had the date I was like alright have Bill confirmed so I was like what a great guy to try it out with so I go Bill I think I saw the voice notes

where he I was like what the fuck yeah yeah I go yeah so I hit him up I go hey I'm thinking about doing this like dr. Phil live show I don't really know what it looks like I come out I do some stand-up then I'm some crowd work and then maybe you come out and then I interview for like an hour 45 and then there'll be some shit at the end and then Jeremiah comes out as a character. And then there's always a fight at the end. I always end up beating Jeremiah's ass with fake punch sound effects. And then that goes into my, my final thought where I wrap up the whole show.

And Bill was like, dude, fucking yes. I let's do it. Make fun of my anger issues. He couldn't have been quicker to be like, I'm all about it. So that kind of got me fired up for it. And then it went great. And then he did it again. And then, and then it was just like, all right, well, now

let me just pull on people that had become good homies to come in and do it. And then Bobby and Andrew Santino did one a few weeks after. And that one was wild. And then we had Pete Holmes and Jelly Roll and Bert Kreischer and Norman did it. And Whitney and Nikki Glaser did it.

And Matt Reif did it. And then everybody just had a good time, because it's all unscripted, right? The only thing up top that's scripted is a couple lines for a monologue of whatever that is. Tonight's show's all about change. And then I go, Webster's Dictionary defines that, and then I do something.

And then I go, whether that means, maybe you want to change it up with your wife. You go down on her, you wear a mask of her favorite celebrity, Clooney or Tom Bergeron. Maybe mix it up, Maybe you were a different mess Maybe it's Denzel, but you painted on you know, change it up, you know Maybe it's and then whatever and then that's where I gonna go into the crowd like what are you looking to change? You know, then I do some crowd work and and people have been having a good time because it is a day

It's just a different show too. Right? It's like has he ever seen it. Yes, and are you friends with him? No, but he's I think going to come on in the fall. Yeah, the fuck out of here. We're trying to work it out. My idea is that we, when you know, we announce, you know, Dr. Phil, when I come out, you know, have this whole intro video and then keep it going, Dr. Phil. And then instead of me coming out, like have him, he wants me to come on his show and do some shit, which I'm down for.

And we're going to do a theater in Dallas and Austin next year. But I want him at the economy store show because that's where it got going and that's where the the energies We did a few theaters in Seattle and Portland at like 600 seats in a thousand and yeah, the energy was awesome But the store it's just where where it really got going and and you know packed main room for like 330 the energy's wild So I go with it. Yeah. Well, look, I mean it's making them popular in an area that he has no business being. And you always promote his book. It's a problem. I just went on Sam and Mark's pod in full fill and had the book.

Yeah, I always call back to it as a bit and it's like, I get people bringing copies to shows for me to sign. I mean, I know people in Fort Worth that are going to tapings of his show because he has a network now, you know? They're like, I just wanted to see. They're like, dude, I felt like he was doing an impression of you and he people that know him have spoken about him about me to him in a good light to to where he said to Steve on his pockets like I heard he's a good

guy so I know he's not trying to like defame me and I'm not I'm not you know when he does something heavy politically or has Trump on I don't go do you guys see my Trump interview you know it went pretty, right? It's a separate thing. It's all just- Have you ever had sex in full costume? Yes, no. No. Although I did have to, one night we had Burr on, it was the second time on.

And Jeff Ross comes by and he goes, Chappelle is gonna pop up in the belly room and do a secret show. And we always kinda kick it in the back bar of the store and the crew that has been shooting my YouTube videos for a while always hangs and it's kind of their time to you know pour one out and and buddies in town that come to the show or whoever and it's just you know just decompress and so I'm like fuck I haven't seen Chappelle since he won so he dropped a special like maybe a month prior so I'm like fucking what does this look like

fucking genius yeah dude he's thousand percent. I think so. A thousand percent genius? We're going to make another card. A thousand percent genius. It was unbelievable. He was so fucking funny. And even the thoughtful shit that you can tell. I mean, he's working it all out. I watched him for almost two hours just really talk it out. And yeah, so then I, it's a great picture. Matthew who takes all his pictures, Baton in the backboard.

So basically Jeff goes come up and watch. I'm sitting in that roast battle little balcony as Phil because my makeup artist goes, you're gonna have to sleep in that because I'm not staying up. It's now like 1230 and she was like, you're gonna be here at 11. I'm like, I'm so sorry. She's like, yeah, sleeping. I go, is that okay? She goes, it's not ideal, but it's fine.

So I slept in it. My wife rolls over, sees the fucking back of my head and definitely had a moment of like, I think I'm gonna leave. But so that night I go upstairs, I'm watching and then Jeff just halfway through, so I go, Dr. Phil is here everybody. And I go, hey, Jeff. And he goes, Dr. Phil, what's going on in your life? I go well, there's an influx of Jews that just moved into my neighborhood and he goes Jesus Christ

I always starts laughing he goes He goes I don't know you took a such a hard stance of on the hebe the Hebrew people I go Well, follow me on Facebook player and then he brought me up and Jeff and I riff for about 25 minutes And then he goes do you want to bring Dave up and Dave's also one of my favorite guys. So I go this next guy you know him from his specials, his shows and he's the only guy other than myself who knows what Oprah's pussy smells like. Give it up for Dave Chappelle, smells fingers if you want, I'm not lying. Dave comes up he's like oh shit and I actually met Dave a handful of times but I went to

his camp in Ohio not to perform just to hang and I played Vince McMahon on the rock show about his life. Did you fly yourself out? Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah, I was going to Truly just to hang. Okay. My buddy, I know Cena, his tour manager, and another friend who knows Dave,

we just went out to go hang. It was a weekend where they had Louis and John Mayer, and Tiffany Haddish, and Common. And at one point, the opening night of that weekend, I just got way too high. And Common's walking around with the little fucking mini torch, like incense. It was like a sage thing. He just would light, we'd be sitting there smoking and he'd just light it up and go, yeah, man, he's got a

fucking sage shit every now and then. That's so cool, man. But he's just like doing this in front of me while I was telling a story. I was like, dude, I was like, maybe you do that a little bit lower. But super cool guy. And at one point there was a tall bucket of ice and Dave was giving like a speech like welcoming gonna be another great weekend at the Oh at the Yellow Springs camp. We're hanging out and was having a good time Donnell's here gonna say some racist shit gonna go down to the river and And then I lean over I'm super begged and I lean on the bucket of ice I thought it was like real sturdy real wobbly

Whole thing goes all the way down ice spills makes a very loud noise I hit the deck. The C's part, and Dave just goes, oh, new guy. And I get up, I go, sorry, guys. Just making sure we got enough ice. Everybody good? We good? Dave, the floor is yours.

And he just started laughing. And later he goes, man, way to make an entrance, man. And he was super cool. And so then when I ran into him there, and I go, Dave, I look different. I kicked it at your camp for a little bit. He's like, oh, yeah, man, whatever. And he's like, you got to come out and do this at the, in my club when I opened it. So he's open up a club too in yellow Springs.

Yeah. No shit. But it was cool. So then, uh, that was the only time I've slept in the makeup, but it was, it's not ideal. Today's sponsor boring mattress is helping people escape from mattress hell. They literally sell just one mattress that's designed to be universally comfortable for all body types and sleep styles. It's a straightforward mattress that's comfy, durable, and affordable. It's made with high quality foams, motion reducing springs, and you get to test it out in your own home with their 99 night sleep trial. I Got one. I'm telling you. I know they're a sponsor. I got one at my house. I got it from my son I wish I got two and I'm probably gonna get another one. I'm gonna throw my mattress out and get it

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I wish. I wish, dude. Don't you want that like, don't you want me on the front lines of the first next one? I would like to, yeah, I just like to take a break, but like be able to do a GoFundMe. Yeah. You know what I mean, like I'm sick, I can't work. Oh man. Can you guys take care of me for a couple of months?

People jump on those GoFundMe's pretty quick. Oh, I love a GoFundMe. A friend of mine lost a dog recently, put up a GoFundMe. People cover the medical bills in a day and a half. Maybe I'll do that. It's like 10 grand. Maybe I'll fucking hurt my dog. Yes. And then do a GoFundMe. Okay, I said yes before I thirsted. I'm sorry, yeah, okay. Maybe I'll do that. Maybe I'll fucking hurt my dog. Yes.

And then do a GoFundMe. Okay, I said yes before I finished. Yeah, okay. Maybe I won't hurt it. Maybe I'll just let it go. This is you. And then say, maybe I'll- Guys, I lost my dog.

Maybe I'll say my wife is sick. There it is. This is better. Dad, she's sick. Yeah. And I need help. I'm tired of my shit, but you don't put that. There you go.

Yeah, don't put that part. And then everyone's like, dude, I thought she was fucked up. Yeah, dude, I mean, I'm a lot. I'm a lot. So this is for her to go on a trip. This 30 grand's gonna help everybody. Yeah, she's gonna go on a trip, but guess what?

I don't want her traveling solo, so I think I'm gonna go with. And I think I need a Rolex. I think I need a Rollie. I need a Pepsi Rolex just to, you know. Pepsi Rolex. Play the role. Pepsi Rolex is the villain in the cop show, Tisman Burger.

Pepsi Rolex. Pepsi Rolex is a, Pepsi Rolex is the villain in the cop show tisman burger Pepsi Rolex Pepsi Rolex is a Pepsi Rolex is like pussy galore It's the new Bond villain, but he only he has like seven Pepsi Rolex He has Pepsi Rolex is all it filled his arms and you know, he's in the room because you're Yeah, and you're a tick tick tick Did someone want the taste of a new generation? Uh-huh. You're like a Pepsi If someone want the taste of a new generation. You like a Pepsi roll? You like a Pepsi roll? You gotta touch his mustache.

Dude, we got a bunch of questions for you too. Please. I got questions. I'm having a good time. And, dude, I'm so glad you came back. I'm gonna be all over here. Punchup.live slash Robert Kelly, Phoenix, Arizona, Cleveland, Ohio. I'm going everywhere.

Las Vegas for Skank Fest. You doing? I'll be there on the the 29th. Oh hang out Yeah, can't wait is that when are you doing Rogan? Before that or after next week. Oh fuck it. Okay, cuz we could smoke a cigar there if you like cigars We'll smoke. Yeah, I got the dude cigar lounge. They put up. Let's do it Yeah, we'll smoke some bats out there San Diego Mike drop all that stuff great. Okay, you got what's your website? Adam Ray commie calm. I got Pittsburgh Improv coming up. Look at this dude, you're fucking.

15th through the 17th. You're a chick, she's never gonna see you. She's, well right now she's like, make that money, I want a house. So we're going to London, Paris, and Italy for a vacation, never been. So I added two shows in London at this little theater, about 400 seat her, cause she's like, help pay for it.

And then we got Buckhead Theater in Atlanta, September 12th, Columbus Funny Bone, 13th and 14th, Acme in Minneapolis, 25th through 28th of September. And then the Dr. Phil Theater shows, October 25th in Philly, 26th of October in DC, New York, November 15th at the Beacon. Celebrity Theater, December 6, San Diego Civic Center, December 7th.

And then, fuck, I don't know. There's Florida, there's San Jose up there, December, November, Cleveland Hilarities yeah and then 20 25 dates coming soon I mean do you get you're all over the fucking place how to be trying you know you you're blowing up it's all relative dude fuck you you're a genius and you're blowing up dude this is blowing up brother take that with you I want you to fucking take that with you. And put that on the, when you go on stage, on Sunday, is it Sunday?

Sunday night. Well, I'm doing the Gramercy on Sunday. Sunday night. Bring that out on stage and put it on the stool so they know what the fuck they're dealing with. You're true American. Yeah. Hey, hey, who just shit my pants?

Dude, I love voices, listen to me, dude. It's my thing. Jay always makes me, he gets mad at me because I love voices so much. I fucking love it. Here's the problem with voices. So listen to me dude. It's my it's my thing Jay always makes me he gets mad at me because I love voices So great. I fucking love it. Here's the problem with voices. I just want to listen. Yeah, I love it Who's your what size can you do any voices? Ah, yeah, you can we know I was thinking like you do dr Phil maybe I'll do like somebody else. Maybe I'll do another talk show great like Judge duty. I'll do judge duty. Who was the first thing you said judge duty

Yeah, but you said? Judge Judy. Yeah, but you said Judge Duty for a minute. Yeah, because she shifts her pants now. That's like the kid version. Judge Duty? Judge Duty. Yeah, go, go, go, go. Here we go.

All right, here we go. Wait, let me get my... So maybe I'll be trying to coach you, coach Judy on something. Okay. So I'm here with Judge Judy. Yeah, I'm here. Is that good?

No? No, no. Is that good? Spot on, yeah. Because I think she's from, she's an East Coast... I think she's Long Island. Long Island, yeah. Yeah. Is that good? No? No, no. Is that good? Spot on. Yeah. Because I think she's from, she's an East Coast. I think she's Long Island. Long Island, yeah. Judy, can I call you Judy?

You can call me whatever you want. Just don't call me late for dinner. Okay, I'll take it from here. I think that there's something about what you're doing in your life right now. You're real judgy. I know it's the title of your show and also the title of the way you live your life, but you said you've been dealing with some diarrhea. I want to just get that out of the way real quick.

Listen to me, mister. I've been a judge for a long time, a lot longer than you've been doing your talk show shit. Okay? Watch your fucking language, bitch. Oh, oh, is that the way you're going to talk to a woman? That's the way I talk to my guests. Okay, great. That's fine. Man or woman. Well, if I had my gavel, I'd stick it right up your fucking ass.

Well, maybe I'd like it. That's a bad example. Well, maybe we'd get that going. How's that? Well, I'll give you my number. All right. Let's get this fucking going. Well, let me ask you this. How long you been a woman? I've been a woman for 40,000 years. Prove it. Prove it? I'll show you my coochie right now, you fucking dirty bald bastard.

Hold that thought. We'll be right back. We're back. And I've got to be honest, it's a beautiful coochie. It is a nice coochie. And that's the second time I've said that today. Yes. Yeah. My coochie, let me tell you something.

You know how many fucking clocks my coochie's been around? 15. You think I've gotten this attitude from nothing? All right. You are spunky. I am. That's my nickname. You ever watch Punky Brewster?

I have. She's my niece. Sole Moon Fry? Sole Moon Fry's my nickname. You ever watch punky Brewster? I have she's my niece Soleil moon fry still a move finds my niece her uncle dole moon fry. Yeah is My brother-in-law. No doubt you got it. I got oh, don't you fucking threaten me you bastard? Okay Well, sometimes it feels like you have a tough time talking out loud to people. I have a tough time Listen dude, this is why. Cause you're so funny, dude. I just want to watch you do things. Come to the show. Come to the show in New York. I will fucking, I want to come and see. No, I'm not going to. All right. All right. Come on. What if I get full makeup and I come up and I just show up as judge Judy? Well, we're actually

trying to get the real judge Judy. It's actually wild that you did that. Oh wow. That's wild. I got some buddies that I mean, I'm trying to swing for real Judge Judy. It's actually wild that you did that. Oh wow, that's wild. I got some buddies that, I mean, I'm trying to swing for the fences on some of these. Buddy, are you killing it? You are, you know what, he called you a genius and I questioned it. You should. When I think genius, I think Richard Pryor.

Yeah. George Collin. Bobby, tell them about the prank when he called you a genius. Oh, this fucking cocksucker. He called you a genius. We're on the road when he called you, I go. He also thinks Air Bud is based on a true story, so. Go ahead.

He called you a genius. And I'm like, dude, listen, he's funny. He's a funny guy, he's really funny. But you don't throw that around like that. You call fucking everybody genius. Fuck you, you're genius. And I really laid into him. I was like, dude, what's your fucking genius shit, dude?

You just don't throw genius around. No sparingly use that. Yeah you fuck what are you talking I do I know a fucking genius. Some people call legend people legend. Haulen Quinn. Genius. Good he's good he's good he's he's more than good no no he's a fun so I laid. We did a corporate get together sweet guy first time I met him about two months ago. The nicest guy. Love. One of the fucking best comics in the world. I will, 1,000% of you. 100%.

Any guy fucking dummy from Brooklyn that writes a whole hour on the Constitution. I know. Genius. Right? I'm laying into him. We're out there, I'm laying. I'm really laying about the word genius, right? And then we're having cigars in this lounge, all these guys are around there with the show.

And then some guy just randomly brings your name up. Hours later, the host of the show. Hours later. Like hours, hours later, host him. Hours. The host of the show brings me up? Dude, we're smoking cigars. And we're hanging out, and he brings you up.

What'd he say? He goes, hey, on the car ride over to the cigar bar, I was watching Adam Ray do that Dr. Phil thing. He's a genius. I snapped. I go, what the fuck, genius? I went, what the fuck? But he set him up to do it.

Oh my God. I was grounded by his neck. But then he goes, he goes, Dr. Phil is the future of comedy, normal comedy's dead. Oh, you got a great spit take. I haven't seen a spit take like that since my wife hocked to it on my cock.

Dude, he started going on, dudeies dead stand-up comedies dead you gotta have to do characters oh that's I was I was like coming I just started standing up stand-up comedy will always be around yeah it's an art form it's the fucking first and last dude I lost my mind is what you should at this fucking thing appropriate but in my back of mine I was like who can I do? Yeah? Who can I got a pretty good judge Judy? I got an all right. It's very good All right, what are the questions who and who submitted them listen? This is going to patreon right now first of all make sure you check out Adam Ray everything He does man. He really is one of the he's hilarious. I would say gee I'm gonna say genius

Oh, I'm gonna say it sound like one of my mom's temple. I'm gonna. I'm gonna say genius. I'm gonna say it. You sound like one of my mom's temple friends. I'm gonna say what you are. I'm gonna say what this you are. Adam, I didn't know I've known you since you were a little boy. You have. And now let me tell you something, I knew since you were sucking on kafelta, right? And doing the ammoti leh. Yeah. Amen. Donalumptious harry co. Yeah. Okay, and now that I've seen you do your thing, your little Dr. Phil thing and your other sassafras thing and the chick with the big tits, the old lady, which I think you stole from me.

I think that's pretty much me. If I'm not mistaken. It is. It's based on you. It's okay. I'll let you get away with it. Now listen, I'm going to say this right now. Yeah.

You're a fucking genius. God bless you. Look at me. Genius. The way you... Genius. I'm getting into this character shit. This is great dude. How great would a year from now I'm just selling out of that woman. Listen to me. Yeah. I'm gonna do... I'm gonna do... You're very... look you're funny and again you jump in and you just you gotta be fearless with it dude. You gotta just fucking throw darts. I'm

gonna fucking... I'm gonna... we're gonna co-headline. Who's that lady you said I was... I was... what's that lady's name? Kathy Hiller. I'm gonna do Kathy Hiller. It's a great old junior. I am. She's not even that old, but it's a great older junior. That's right, I live in Tampa, used to live in Boca, but I had to move because the taxes were too high, and since fuck, Igor died, I can't afford those taxes.

Igor, yeah, God rest his soul. He's dead. But you know, he did have that thing on his lip. Yeah, and you know what, I hate him when he ate crackers, he ate them on the counter, then we get ants. Then we stick to his soul. He's dead. But you know he did have that thing on his on his lip. Yeah and you know I hate him when he ate crackers. He ate them on the counter then we get ants. Then we stick to his eyeballs. Oh he's a fucking putz. Butch it. We're gonna go to patreon right now. If you're a member of patreon you go there right now. We're gonna ask your questions to Adam. If you're not a member of patreon, patreon.com slash Robert Kelly and do me a favor if you're on YouTube

just hit the like button for God's sakes It's it's free like subscribe all that shit listen to it on Apple and all all things audio Danny What do you got besides a huge forehead? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and come to a show. Yeah. Okay, that's fucking your tone sucks Try it again fuckface. Yeah from the depths of your of your from the duty What's good? What are you on right now Danny? Adderall and antidepressants, that's what I'm talking about Everybody's on some because we all got issues and I talk about that in my book

We've got issues chapter 42 is actually stop jerking off in front of people the Danny Braff story Where'd he get that book? Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Noble and Barnes. Alright, we're going there right now so thanks for watching the episode. You know what? We'll see you next week.