Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #550 | Donny Dust | Finally A Real Man

Episode Date: September 1, 2024

This week Bobby talks with Donny Dust about being a man, how to survive in the wilderness, and more. FOLLOW Donny Dust IG: DonnyDust Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT / robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! / robertkelly / ykwdpodcast / ykwdudepodcast / ykwdpodcast Support the show and use code DUDE to claim a bonus up to $1,000 on your first deposit with MyBookie at https://mybookie.website/DUDE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD.

This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, how are you ruining this? Where's the bomb? Damn it, man. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Hey, what's up everybody? Hey, you fuck.

What's up everybody? It's Robert Kelly. I was just putting a zen in my dumb mouth and I got caught. We're back with another episode of YKWD here in the Comedy Cellar Studios above the world, famous Comedy Cellar. Thanks for joining us. If you're watching on Patreon, just click that subscribe button.

I just swallowed my own spit. Oh God, I got a heartburn right now from this fucking European zen that's too big. Sorry for swearing everybody. Oh kids, I'm sorry for swearing. Make sure you, if you wanna watch this episode live free for everybody else, all kinds of stuff We do a YKWD extra me and mush every week patreon.com slash Robert Kelly go over there become a member support the show

I'm gonna put my Zen in Because I got a very special guest tonight, and I'm excited about it special guest tonight and I'm excited about it. Donnie Dust is here man. Donnie Dust, I can't believe for you guys who don't know who Donnie is, you gotta check him out. He's on TikTok, he's on Instagram, he's on YouTube. He is, I mean just an amazing human being. He's written two books. I have both of them. I just read this one, Scavenger, which is about Donnie and his life, and his other one right here. You can get both of these, Wild Wisdom.

This is all you need to know when the electricity goes out. If you're a man, you need to know this stuff. And you guys know that I'm into bushcrafting. You know that I'm into primitive camping. You know I'm out there. We got Comedy Camp being taped this fall. And I'm into it. And this is the guy.

This is the guy I follow. This is the guy that I got into a couple years ago, maybe. And is his mic on? Mic is on. Let me hear you. No, it's not on. Hello? No? Test, test. There No, it's not on. Hello?

There you go, you're on. Donnie Dust is here, dude. I mean, a man. It's so funny because just looking at you, I've never had like a real man in the studio. Isn't it weird for you guys, like my producers? Yeah, he's like a man, man. There's such a difference between dudes and men.

Like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, like my producers? I thought it was my real dad. Yeah, he's like a man, man. There's such a difference between dudes and men. My parents bred well. I don't know what you want me to do. My parents bred down. I don't know what happened. My parents were bred. Your parents eat bread.

Joe does bread jokes. We got the Tizzy, too. We got Mush in the house. Just a moment of silence right now. We lost one of the Tizzies. Everybody, we're just gonna do a little moment of silence. Absolutely. God, please.

Thank you for leaving us the Tizzy 2. Ha ha ha ha. We lost one of the Tizzies because of his tizzy-ism. I wish he had more tizzies so then he wouldn't have fucked up, but God bless him and God bless all the autistic people out there. And if there's any autistic kids out there that want to produce a podcast, please get in touch with us at ykwdpodcast. What is it?

You can hit Robert. ykwdudetgmail.com. at YKWD podcast. What is it? You could hit Robert. YKWDude at gmail.com. YKWDude at gmail.com. That is, I'm in the middle of a prayer Danny. I know you're Jewish and this doesn't mean anything to you. But muzzle tough. Peace and blessings. Peace and blessings.

God, God, God thanks. A five second moment of silence. That's the same amount of, that's less silence that he gave us last week on the podcast. Anyways who knows maybe he'll be back maybe we'll have him. Alright guys? Yeah maybe. That sounded no. Anyways. Oh, man. Buddy, for people who don't know about you, you are an ex-Marine, you're from Jersey originally. And it's funny if you just said, yep. Yep.

I just asked him questions, he goes, yes, that is true. Yep, that's true. But you were in the Marines, you were over in Iraq, you worked in interrogation. I mean, you saw some serious shit over there. And then you got out of there. You became, I don't know, what's the word, survivalist? Yeah, I mean, that's a loose term.

Mountain man? Yeah, I mean, what? Bushcrafter? Bushcrafter. Barefoot Nellie? What do they call you? I get the professional'm a mountain man. Yeah, I mean, bushcrafter, bushcrafter, barefoot Nellie. What do they call you? I get the professional caveman a lot because my focus is always in like primitive skills and stone tools.

Yeah. So that kind of is that, you know, I'm the guy that can make a living by being in a cave and hunting animals. So it works out. It's crazy because I follow a lot of people on YouTube. Like I told you, I follow the Outdoor Boys, Luke and his boys. And they do some serious stuff. They go out there and he is a serious outdoors guy, outdoorsman, him and his boys and stuff like that.

But you, the one thing, I love him because he goes out, he'll bring stuff, but he always, if he's struggling out there, he brings good food. If he's not, if he's out there living in a camper or tentin' with his boys, he'll fish and hunt for stuff or whatever, but you, you go the other way, dude. You are doing it like the cavemen, bro.

Yeah, yeah, it's all about the experience. How much hardship can I like endure before it's like I got to like tap out and be like, I need to go home and grab a cheeseburger on the way out. But it's about gaining that experience. I always call it ground truth. What can I learn from like the worst possible conditions when it's raining, when it's snowing, being hungry and dehydrated. I mean, that's what I want to experience

and I wanna do it in the lowest means possible. So no modern amenities. So you don't bring a Stanley cup? No, I bring a loincloth. A loincloth. Sometimes a clay pot that I'll boil water out of and maybe a stone knife, that's it. And wait a minute, you've gone out into the woods

with just a, now a stone knife for you guys don't know, is, can you show them that? You made that. Yes, yes, I made this for you. This is just a simple stone blade with a handle, and you can wear it around your neck, and this will process game, cut fire boards, cut fibers. You can do everything you can imagine

with this one stone blade. Could you build a shelter with that? Absolutely. You can do anything. Anything. You're supposed to say yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

If you want. I miss my plug. You miss your plug. I mean, that's, cause on TikTok, where I found you on TikTok, basically it was this dude that looks like a caveman, just a man man. And you're basically, people write in and be like, hey, can you just a man, man. And you're basically.

People write in and be like, hey, can you make a sword? Yeah. Yeah. And then you just make a sword out of a piece of wood, some deer tendon, which this is, you know, you know, sin you and some pine tar and and a rock. That's it, man. And then you'll come out and people ask you crazy shit. What's the craziest thing somebody's asked you to do then you'll come out and people ask you crazy shit What's the craziest thing somebody's asked you to do body armor? Why do you can you make body? Yeah?

Yeah, I mean that's kind of the thing is I wouldn't normally make body armor or a samurai sword But I would make things that would be applicable, you know for my own adventures But when they kind of challenge me, yeah, that's where I get that kind of creative bug going. Be like, all right, what resources do I have on hand? I've got, you know, elephant hide. I've got the skull of a bison, a couple of femurs of an ostrich. And I didn't say a couple of femurs from a hooker. Those are my pre dug holes. I'm out in the mountains.

But, you know, that's that's where you get into that kind of creative process and I need to kind of put these things together to to make body armor make a sword or make something to that extent But so like because you're on the bonfire today It was funny because Jay was like, can you make a double-headed dildo? Yeah That's not a problem. I get some odd requests. Definitely plenty of dildos butt plugs. You got you got butt plugs, really? I've got I've gotten some butt plugs and I think I'm so tempted on actually making one. Oh, you can't. You're a family TikTok guy. I know.

I know. You have too many families watching you, dude. I feel like, can you make butt plugs? Yeah. Yeah. And then you make butt plugs and then at the end of the video, like, where are they? And you just pull them out and you come into, oh, no.

Just one. But you, what would you make butt plugs out of? I would probably use, I'd probably use like a good like, Osage or something like that. I would probably use, I would probably use like, a good like, Osage or something like that. I would probably use, I would probably use like, a good like, Osage or something like that.

I would probably use, I would probably use like, a good like, Osage or something like that. I would probably use, I would probably use like, a good like, Osage or something like that. I would probably use, I would probably use, I would probably use, I would probably use, I would you know, what would you make butt plugs out of? I would probably use I'd probably use like a good like Osage orange and then carve it. And then I would probably know where that tip is or where that handle is. I like to kind of church it up a bit with maybe a little obsidian. You use some deer fat to just deer fat to just get in there. Oh, deer fat. Yeah.

In a bowl. Oh, is it? Oh, yeah. It's pretty wild, the stuff that you make, and you make it in your, what are you, your grounding shed, right? Yeah, I call it my trapper shack. Trapper shack, where you have, because you lived in a cave, I said eight years. I was a little off. No, it was six months. Six months. Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, I read in your book, and it was shocking to me because I looked at you, you know, from knowing you on TikTok and all this stuff.

I'm like, this guy's a man. He's in shape. He was in the Marines. And then I find out that at 37, you had a heart attack. You almost died in the middle of the night. Correct, correct. I had a, a wake-up call. I was like, I'm going to go to the hospital.

I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital.

I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the Marines. And then I find out that at 37, you had a heart attack. You almost died in the middle of the night. Correct, correct. I had a whittle maker heart attack. So I had a 99% blockage. And it wasn't from smoking or alcohol.

Deer fat? Deer fat. It was just genetics. Genetics. So I kind of had that heart attack. It was a scary moment, but it was also kind of like the best and the worst day. Yeah, because I was okay with kind of being that example, like to all my friends that were out there that were, you know, smoking or out of shape and kind of didn't live that active lifestyle. Like if it can happen to me, right, it can happen to you. So I'll be your example, not playing the martyr. I don't need any pity. Right. But like it can happen, my guy. So like take take some time. Get out. Be active.

Eat healthy instead of, you know, eating X, Y and Z. Go for like maybe a salad, some salmon, some hummus, something good. Squirrel. Squirrel. I like rats. Rats are good. But you know, it's it's just part of it. And you just where do you get a rat?

Pack rats. They're delicious. So it's not a New York rat. I mean, well, it's a New York rat with a shorter tail. So it's a healthier rat. Yeah, I mean, it's it's healthier. Some of them have fleas. But you just burn those all. OK, OK.

You had me with a healthier shorter tail rat. Yeah, it's it's rat. It's it's actually really it's a great amount of protein. So, I mean, if you're really hungry, yeah, you just catch them in a trap, a little dead fall trap and then. Well, you know, that was Colin Quinn was that for me, Colin had a heart attack out of nowhere. Oh, really? A few years ago, and it scared the shit out of me because I was really heavy.

And, you know, you doesn't matter how fat you are, you don't know how fat you are. You don't know how shitty you're eating. You don't know what you're doing. You feel good. You go by how you feel every day. And even at my fattest, I still felt healthy. And when he had a heart attack,

who he was more in shape than me, I was like, dude, I got to get my shit together. I got to get my shit together because I don't want to go through that. I don't. And I don't wanna go through that. I don't, and I don't have genetic heart disease or anything like that, but I definitely have diabetes in my family.

And I was headed down that route to where I was like, I gotta actually do something about this because I've worked too hard to be taken out at 50, and I got a kid and all that shit. And I didn't wanna be taken out by fucking heart, chicken fingers and fucking cigarettes. You know, that's, that's, that was my mentality after like, you know, several deployments down range with no IDs and all sorts of ticks.

And then being in the mountains with bears and moose and mountain lion, it's like fucking heart attack. Come on guy. I know, you know, you've been, you, you've, you fought terrorists. Yeah. You were out there in the middle of it in the thick line, it's like, fucking heart attack. Come on, guy. I know. You've fought terrorists. You were out there in the middle of it, in the thick of shit. And then you come back and you're out there in the woods surviving, and then you get taken out in a regular bed. Yeah, it's disappointing.

That's not how I wanna go. No, that would've been a shitty book. Right? It would've been a real shitty book. But that's that thing, I I think is like grown men. You know, you get older, you really have to take care of yourself. And I live by the philosophy that 10,000 men die every year from stupidity. Really? There's a way to prevent and just, you know, be

on top of your health, staying healthy, staying active. And just those small little things really play into the long term. Guys, you listening? You guys all listening? Okay, good. Oh, thank God. Can you take these guys in the woods for a month? I can. Yeah. I can't guarantee they're coming back.

I doubt it. I took Danny to a lake last year, and he almost shit his pants. Do fish shit in here? Yeah. You brought me on a subway, and I... Oh, that was the funniest thing. We're coming down here, and I'm like, we'll take the subway. And, dude, you were like, oh, you brought me on a subway. And I. Oh, that was the funniest thing.

We're coming down here and I'm like, we'll take the subway. And then you were like, what? Yeah. So you were bumping into people like you were crocodile done. Do it was not my element. Like I got the turnstile thing. Yeah, you fucked it up for your son. I did. I did. I thought you used tokens like subway. Yeah, we use tokens. Yeah. He pulls out his phone.

It's like, I got it. He tried to fucking get through with a with a beaver pelt. I'll trade you this beaver pelt for one pass through the old turnstile, my friend. Oh, man. Yeah. I mean, and you I mean, you've you don't take the subway. No, I haven't. No, not since I was probably a kid visiting a city with my folks.

No shit. When was the last time you took the New York subway? When I was a kid. Really? Yeah, I don't. I typically don't make it to cities. And if I do, the subway is probably the last thing. Because it's, you know, I think I see stuff on the line where you're like, oh my god, there's fights and stuff

like that. And I feel like I would want to intervene and send an imagine. So it's kind of just avoiding it and. Can I say to you right now? Yeah. I've never felt safer on the subway than walking with you.

I almost started saying like mean shit to people. I almost started using like derogatory words. I mean, I felt safe with you though. That was the thing. It's an exchange. You walked in like you own the place, knew what you were doing, said we're going here, I thought we got off on Coney Island

because I saw a sign that said, are we on Coney Island? Like, no, idiot, where are we? We're in the village. We're in the West Village. The West Village, so. And I was like, this doesn't look like a village, but you know, we'll go with it. I mean, not your village.

Not the village you're used to with swords and armor. I know. This is cool though, this is your village. Yeah. Not the village you're used to with swords and armor. I know. This is cool though. This is definitely fun. Yeah, man, we came down and we were at the cellar downstairs. I thought you were gonna pull out your own beef jerky at some point. So we actually brought beef jerky with us.

Did you really? Yeah, we made a bunch before we go because it's like our morning snacks so we like to eat the meat and stuff. So just in case the food's never good, we can be like, oh, we got jerky. Right. I'm sure your girlfriend loves that. She does. Oh, she does.

She actually she's the one who's making jerky. I'm like, all right, I'll make the jerky. So you spend a couple hours making jerky. If I gave my wife beef jerky, she'd tell me to fuck off. She'd be like, no, I'm not eating that. I'd rather starve. It's it's it's a thing. It's it's about finding the right partner and Marissa is definitely, she's fine with me

heading into the bush. I was surprised when I met your girlfriend. Yeah. Because I thought you would be with more of a, how do we say this, mountain woman. I thought you were gonna be like, yeah, this would be my girlfriend. Hey, how you doing? You know what I mean?

My name's Tina. Yeah, you want some moonshine, something like that. I thought you were. But then your girlfriend is gorgeous. I mean, she's smoking. She could just live in New York and be fine. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't want her to know that.

No, I won't tell her. You want her out of the city? I don't know a city. Yeah, she was digging the music. She was. She really likes the city. She does. She was, when I was like, hey, we're going to go there,

she's like, man, this sounds so exciting. I love going to the city. And I was like, why? She's like, well, it's just, she loves music and the food. Electricity. Electricity. Real food. Coffee maker.

Coffee. Baristas. People. We don't have. When we first started dating and, you know, getting to know one another and I like invited her upstairs. I didn't own a bed. I've never slept in a bed until I met her and it's I'll tell

you what. I had the best the best back ever because it was I would just sleep on the floor cow, you know, well bison hides and caribou hides, all these different things. And I would always sleep next to my dog. So when I met her, I was like, so look, it's going to get a little weird. We're going to go upstairs. You're going to see things, but they're normal things in my world. I opened the door. She's like, is that where you sleep?

I was like, yeah. She's like, I can deal with that. I was like, yeah, keeper. Yeah. It looks like I mean, dude, it actually, if you think about it, it looks like a fuck fromug from the 70s. Right? That's what I'm saying, guy. I mean, if you walked into your house and it was a waterbed and disco lights and if I hit a button and you're in a silk robe, it's all bullshit.

It's just my image. Pull off a wig. Your beard's fake. Oh, man. Oh, shit. Yeah, but she's, image. Pull off a wig. Your beard's fake. Oh, man. Oh, shit. Yeah, but she's, I mean, you met her,

she and you were married before. I was, I was. I was married to a hippie liberal from Boston. She was a purest asshole I've ever come across. I'm from Boston. I know that. Yeah, some of them are fucking bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, you married a, uh, uh, uh, nightmare. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, how the fuck did that happen? Well, yeah, she might see this, so don't get too crazy. Yeah, I won't get to what when I was stationed in Hawaii, she was stationed out there. We hit it off because you went you went from you join the Marine Corps and they put that was your first.

Yeah, that was my first duty station. So I did my four years of high school in Jersey. Went to the Hawaii first duty station, 9-11 kicks off, like, you know, I went in in 99, so 2001. And then, you know, the rest was kind of. So you're in the Marines and September 11th happens. Yeah. You're married.

Yeah. And you got, and you're married to a liberal. Yeah. Who probably was like, fuck this. Yeah, which didn't like it. Didn't like it at all. And I mean, that happened that day. The next thing you know, you're on a flight line. Because I know a friend of mine, Steve Byrne, his brother,

literally was in school downtown going to college. And when the day that happened, he was there. And he went and joined the Army like that week to go over there. A lot of people did. But when that happened, were you like, fucking let's go? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. At that time, I was in the infantry. So I was my first couple of listments was

infantry. And then into the counter intelligence field. And I was like, let's do this. Let's let's go kill bodies. Really? That's what we're signed up to do. Right? You know, like we've been training for, you know, different sort of kinetic operations, like let's, let's get this done. You know, I didn't. That's that's all I knew as a young teenager, I guess you could say. And well, that's I mean, that's what you're trained to do.

Absolutely. When you're in the Marines, you're trained to be. That's that's what you're trained to do. Wars, fight wars. Hopefully it never happens. Yeah. But when it does happen, you got to go. You get to use your gun. You got to go. You got to go. gun. You gotta go. So you go over there, and the first day there, my father, I haven't talked to my father,

he was in Vietnam. And he told me a story one time, and his first night in Vietnam, he was in the jungle, and they were like, you go take point overnight, the Viet Cong is coming, we have intel that they're coming, so be on your guard, don't fall asleep, and then it started to rain. And he was, I'm doing the story, I'm hacking the story, but he was like, it was the scariest night of my life

because I was sitting there just staring at a jungle, and it was raining, you couldn't see, you couldn't hear, and you know they're coming. And he was terrified all night just waiting for to die. And they never came that night, thank God. But he told me that story. And when I think the first Iraq war happened, I was of age and he called me. He called me up and it sucked too because it was a thunderstorm in Boston that night. So I'm watching the news, the bombing, and then you could hear, it sounded like bombs.

He's kind of freaking me out. And he called me up, he was like, what are you gonna do? And I'm like, what do you think I should do? He's like, don't go. He was like, don't fucking do it. Because I'm telling you, I wouldn't do it. I know I don't have the authority to tell you what to do. But he was like, don't go. Some sage advice.

Yeah. I mean, I didn't join up. Thank God the fucking thing was a week back then. Remember that one? I would have joined. I would have been fucking back home. I would have never went. I would have just been like, shit.

God damn it. God damn it. No overseas pay. Nothing. So you go over there, your first night there, is it scary? It was a little unsettling, I think, because you're there for your first night,

you hear mortars, you hear bombs, you hear all these different things. The hardest thing is going to sleep inside something, because you're like, well, if I fall asleep, if I get mortared, is this whole thing coming down on top of me. So it's it's a little unnerving. But as the days kind of progress, I always call it the pattern of life, you start to adjust to that pattern of life, the sounds, the smells,

the things that exist in that every day. And I find that if you kind of immerse yourself in that pattern of life, just like the New York City, right? Yeah right now I'm fighting that pattern. I want to be part of it, but it would take me a little bit longer. So in that kind of war, you slowly kind of become part of that pattern of life and you start to learn, you adapt.

And once that process kind of fulfills itself, then you're kind of living. You're not so much trying to like survive, you're actually thriving in that environment, which is beyond getting, surviving is just getting by. Thriving is when you have those kind of creature comforts. And then I think in that wartime situation, and you can adjust to it fully,

you can kind of move to that thrival zone, and really know how to speak the language, understand the needs, wants, and desires of the local communities, and you actually become part of that like breathing organism, it is still war, there are still bombs going off and kinetics all around. But you can, you can approach it a lot of different ways. And I had this mentality

was, it's pretty simple. It was like, I could worry about getting shot in the face by a sniper, or I can always think about my job, I landed in Iraq, well well let's just say 100 guys on the plane. My job is to make sure 100 get back on that plane. So do everything you can to just do your job. Talk to people, run interrogations, meet with people, to extract information, a whole lot of different things and it made it pretty easy when I focused on that job,

living within that pattern of the life. And I mean, were you ever like terrified over there? No, no. Shit, you're a man. I'm scared just hearing the first night there. Oh, it's it's it's not so much terrified because it's you're trained. You're right. It's just be like doing a set, right? Yeah. You know exactly how you need to deliver it.

Like, and, you know, I don't know the nuances of comedy, but I know there's a lot of prep. There's a lot of work. There's a lot of creativity to go into stand up in front of an audience and make them laugh, which is fucking hard to do. Right. Yeah. I mean, it's the same thing in that kind of like combat. You are training.

You're preparing yourself to address that kind of audience, which is your enemy. They have guns. They'll kill you. It's a little bit different, but it's still that same sort of, you're prepared, you feel ready. And when you have that preparation, nothing for you. You could go on set, it would never make you nervous. I get nervous every time. I do get nervous every time, but it goes away immediately.

Bingo. After you get the first laugh, it goes away. But I'm nervous about St. Louis. I mean, yeah. I get nervous about, I see a bacheloret I mean, yeah. You know, I get nervous about, I see a bachelorette party coming in. You know what I mean? I'm like, fuck me.

Some fat chick with a sash. In a crown. Yeah, it's like, oh shit. We sat him up front. We thought you'd have a fun time with him. Oh yeah, I'm gonna have a fun time with him. They're gonna hate me eight minutes in. And I'm gonna tell one of them to shut the fuck up,

and she's gonna give me the finger, I'm gonna go fuck yourself, and then they're gonna get kicked out, and I'm gonna get, you know. So that stuff rolls through my head, but I'm never gonna be killed for it. I might get beat up by a MILF in a parking lot late at night. Which isn't a bad beating.

No, it's not a bad beating. But, you know, I went over to Iraq twice to do shows. And, yeah, I think there is something, after a couple days, because there was, you know, there was a show we did, and they had all these barricades behind us, and then they had snipers on all the roofs. And I was like, why? Because they, I was like, why do you have snipers? What, what?

He was like, because they have snipers watching us right now. And they see us having some type of event for the troops and this is what they want. They want us all gathered together, having a good time, the guard down. Bingo. And I went on the roof. I actually, can I go up?

And he brought me up on the roof and I got to look through the sniper scope. That's awesome. Dude, it was crazy. And he was showing me that there was these kids with kites. Yeah. And I was like, what is that? And he goes, signals. But I was like, oh, there's some, I was like, this kid's having a kite, having fun. He's like, no, they're signaling. I'm like, signaling who? The other people.

That shit's going down over here. And I was like, wow, dude, fucking crazy. That's like what my job was. So as a counter-interview, I was like, I'm gonna go to the next level, and I'm gonna go to the next level, and I was like wow, dude fucking crazy That's that's like what my job was So as a counterintel guy it was to meet with local people and figure out that sort of information a kite with you know That's red means, you know is a no-go, but if two kites are in the air They're both read that means, you know

The northwest side is clear to figure out the interpretation of signs on the street when they have a mark underneath it, what a kite might mean. When there's a dead animal on the side of the road and there's one on the adjacent side, figuring out where weapons are, weapons caches and IEDs and bad guys, I would use the local people, talk with them in exchange of various things for them to provide information. It's one facet of that job. The other facet was the interrogations. Get some hardcore al-Qaeda

types sitting across from you probably killed two, 300 people. All you want to do is rip this guy's face off. But it's kind of like, I could come off as a very intimidating person, shut this guy down, beat the shit out of him. I'm not going to get what I want. I need to again hundred people on the bird. Yeah under people coming back So how do I get this guy who absolutely hates me to tell me and talk with me? I mean for me I'd sit there and say look man. You and I were both warriors. We're both fighting in a war You're on your side. I'm on my side right now. You're here How can we figure out a way to work together? What you're doing is honorable for your cause and what I'm doing is honorable

for my cause, but you're not going anywhere. And I'm using our similarities to build a bond. If that doesn't work, then maybe I beat the shit out of them. But there's a lot of different approaches. Some of the easiest one was you get an 18-year-old kid who's been paid to put a bomb in the road, and you say, you know, you puck him, you place him under control, he's in his jail, and you get to talk with him and tear again, and hey, who's doing it, I can't tell you,

I can't tell you, have you talked to your mom today? No, she's probably very worried. I'm like, well, let's give her a call, give her a call, let the mom do the hollering, I'll take the phone back. We start chatting. I'll take care of your son. Don't worry about he's in good hands. I'll make sure he gets food. Give the phone back. It's a little back and forth. The next thing you know, he's like, I'll tell you everything.

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to find out something super unmanly that he's done? Yeah, go ahead. That's no problem. Go ahead. What's up? Well, I don't really need to interrogate him. Why? Because I already see you have this like little sash thing.

Whoa. Your shoulders. I'm gay. You did it. I like stuff in my bum. No, it's not. I actually had a fanny pack on, but Marissa wouldn't let me wear it because it's like, you know, but that's where I keep my stuff, like some knives and stuff.

She's like, just don't wear it out today. I'm like, but what happens if it goes down? Yeah, dude, don't listen to her. I know. So I put a knife in my boot. You haven't got one of my you are a crocodile. They it's the easiest place because I feel like, look, my't listen to her. I know. So I put a knife in my boot. You haven't got one of my you are a crocodile. But it's the easiest place because I feel like, look, my wallet's down here. So so. So I know.

So so when you're over there, yeah. Because I remember the Marines. Yeah, their bases were terrible. Yeah, it was awesome. It was fucking dynamite. because I was at the Air Force or Air Force Base. Oh, my God. Coffee. Oh, coffee. Ice creams. Ice cream shakes. I had shakes. Nothing. Chinese food. Nothing. I shit in a bag. What?

Shit in a bag. Nonstop. Why did you shit in the bag? Were you sending it to somebody? No, we didn't have any. We had no toilets. So why couldn't you just dig a hole and shit in the sand? Well, I mean, then the shit just piles up there. Plus, I know we had this one guy and I can't remember his name, but his mother worked at a grocery store and sent me one of those scales. You put your fruit on the way.

So we weigh all of our shit to me, this whole shipboard. We had like two pounders and like there's a whole set of rules and bylaws. Like duration. It was horrible. But you know, what does the heaviest shit get? I think there was one that was like a six pounder and this guy held it in for three days and just unloaded. But like you had to subtract like a quarter of a pound for paper. And it was it's a lot of stuff.

How many rats you killed because there's rats everywhere and scorpions. It was it wasn't bad. Wow, fucking, see, that's the thing. Scorpions, rats, bags of shit. Bags of shit. I mean, it sounds like it was really hard, man. Yeah, it was horrible. It was horrible.

But it makes life so much easier going forward. Right. Like anything you face, I'm like, well, it's not as bad as this one day overseas. And you're like, you know what? It's not, sack up, move forward, you know? How long were you there for? Oh man,. Sack up, move forward, you know? How long were you there for?

Oh, man, so I did 12 years. I did nine deployments. Jesus Christ, you did 12 years over there? Oh, no, 12 years active and then nine deployments. Nine deployments. How long is the deployment? Anywhere from like seven months to like nine months. Jesus Christ.

That's a lot. Spent a lot of time in like Southeast Asia as well, like in the like Mindanao, Zambawanga, the Philippines. Zambawanga? Yeah. Oh, I was going to go there on a vacation. Should I not? No.

Oh, don't go to Zambawanga? Don't go there. That's like Abu Sayyaf Group ASG, a Muslim extremist organization kidnapping. Basically, if you're white. So I mean, were you like Special forces at some point? No, I worked with a lot of like, you know, ODAs or like Green Berets, some SEAL teams. But so I would either deploy in like a four man team, or I would deploy it by myself with like one other partner located in a different location.

So if I went to the Philippines, I'd be in one area and my partner would be over here. We'd be in civilian clothes, grow our beards out, pistol down our pants and a backpack full of money just meeting with different assets, trying to gain, who's running drugs, what threat groups are in the jungles, stay out of like southern Philippines, because it's, someone's been kidnapped

and you're trying to figure out what information you can about that. Did you ever save a kidnapped person? Yeah, I mean, there's, well, not directly, but there's a lot of times where the information you collect builds into a bigger profile and, you know, people act on it. So there's, there's lots of things in that counterintel. So my job was to deny, detect and deceive the enemy and the enemy was that's

what I have my job with my wife. It's built a great foundation. And the target is you eat the ice cream? No eat the ice cream? No. What ice cream? It's a horrible skill to have in the civilian world because you're like, so what did you buy today? I bought this. You're like, really? Oh, yeah.

My eyebrow goes up every time I question. I would not want you to be my dad. Oh my God. My boys know all my tricks. Oh my god. My boys know all my tricks though. They know they've they've grown. There's quite a bit of attrition that they've figured everything out. They kind of know what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. But I don't employ those skills unless it's absolutely necessary. So now, so you still have all that stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. From them, but you don't need to use it in your everyday life now. No need. I mean, today was probably the last day where, like, doing that stuff over in, like, Red

Hook, some guy dropped his bracelet. Somebody said, oh, that guy stole my bracelet. And there was, like, 10 people standing around. And I was like, well, I'll go get it. And they're like, don't get it. And I went over there and said, give me the fucking bracelet. And he's like, here you go. You did that today?

Today, yeah, at that shoot. I'm sorry. What did you just say to me? Oh, at the shoot. At the shoot. Oh, okay. Okay. At the shoot. Oh, okay. On a movie. Oh, yeah, on that. Oh, God, dude.

I thought you were fucking really pulling a crocodile dundee. No, no. No, that was, that's what happened. This guy dropped his bracelet, and like, there was a couple other, you know, gentlemen standing around. I was like, well, I'll go get it. Like, what is he going to say? No, I'm just going to take it from him.

Right. Because it's not his. That's thieving. So I'll get it back. No problem. Right. Forget about it. Right. But you do that in the movie world. Would you do that in real life?

That was real life. That really happened? That really happened, yeah. What are you fucking talking about, Donnie? Yeah, well, we were doing those shoots today. OK, you're doing a shoot. Yeah, we're doing a shoot for the Quiet Place movie, right? Yeah.

And one of the actors that was there drops his bracelet, and the scene had cut. And the civilian guy walked by, kind of like a tough-looking character, picked up the bracelet, and walked off. Yeah. And then somebody said, hey, he just stole his bracelet. Yeah. And I was like, well, I'll go get it.

You know, like, I would have been like, is there a PA? No, there isn't. Is there a PA? Can you get me? And while you're getting the bracelet, chai latte with two stevia, please. It's one of those things. You have to do it. How I met Marissa's parents was from this drunk guy. We were in this park. First time ever meeting her parents.

And this drunk guy smashed a bottle and tried to kill this guy, cut his, like with that broken end of the bottle. Like Roadhouse? Like Roadhouse style. Total. He swung at him, the guy fell over, bottle broke, he picked up a big rock and was going to smash this guy in the face.

Marissa goes, hey, and I had already started running there, tackled this guy, put him on the ground, and I had like this small flashback was the smallest flashback I ever had. But I was like holding him in this like chicken wing. He was face down, arms wrenched up. I'm like, you fucked with the wrong Marine. I literally went to that place. It was kind of exciting. So that that guy lives in you.

Yeah. Deep down inside. And he only comes out for small moments when it's absolutely necessary. So then the cops show up, everyone's filming. They put cuffs on me. they put cuffs on that guy because they thought we were fighting. And then everyone's like, no, it's this other guy. And then, you know, I filled out a statement and then as I'm walking back, her dad's like,

that's a hell of a first impression. Yeah. Fuck yeah, it is, right? No shit. First impression with Don, I think I took a shit in the parents' bathroom, bedroom, bedroom, bathroom. And his father was like, I told you didn't flush. This fucking kid didn't flush his shit.

I swear to God. Oh, that's hilarious. I was like, I'm sorry. That's funny. I mean, wow, what different people. Grow your planet, grow your planet. That's fucking crazy. So that. Wow, that's fucking crazy. So that, so like, okay, so you live that life. You were over there doing that for our country.

God bless America. Amen. And it's so funny too, because I always say I love our troops. I really, especially when I did those USO tours, I was honored to go over there. The best shows I ever did were in Iraq and Japan when I went over there and just did shows for troops. One of the best shows I've ever had in my life, we were flying to, I think, Musala.

Musala? Musala? Musala. What's that place over there? What's the Sazou name? Mosul. Mosul. Okay.

I suck. I thought you were saying Mazoula. Thank you for watching the YKTV podcast. I'm going to go stick my head in a bucket of apples. So we're supposed to go there. We're in the SUNY triangle, I guess, right? And so it's me, Colin, and Steve Byrne. And they pulled over. And we're just sitting in this truck.

And we're just waiting, hours, just sitting there. And they're like, shit's going down. You ain't going to go there tonight. You're supposed to go. You're going to go to another place, a Marine base. Nice. We're like, all right, fuck it, let's go. So they take us to a Chinook helicopter with two 50s in the windows, a Marine base. I was like, all right, fuck it, let's go. So they take us to a Chinook helicopter

with two 50s in the windows, open. Look at you, you're getting hard on me. I am, I am like, get the tape. Dude, there was two 50s in the window. Softer voice, eye contact. We were flying 100 feet off the, what's it called? Deck. The deck.

Round to dick. And it was cold. Real cold. So cold. Nice. Yeah, I'm going to go to the hospital. I was like, I'm going to go to the hospital. I was like, I'm going to go to the hospital. I was like, I'm going to go to the hospital.

I was like, I'm going to go to the hospital. I was like, I'm going to go to the hospital. I was like, I'm going to go to the hospital. I was like, I'm going to go to the hospital.

I was like, I'm going to go to the hospital. I was like, I'm going to go to the hospital. I was like, I'm going to go to the hospital. I was like, I'm going to go to the hospital. I was like, I'm going to go to the hospital. I was like So I'm on stage outside. We should land in Kuwait. I'll get back to the story.

We land in Kuwait and we're doing a show for the troops there that are about to go in the country there. Right. And I use that right. Right. Yeah, country. Thanks. And I remember my feet were hot and I kept having to put I was like my feet are burning and I kept trying to put my feet in my own shadow, and I kept picking my feet up.

And it's literally just 300 soldiers with guns sitting in the dirt watching the show. And I'm like, my feet are hot. And the one kid, that's because you have black shoes on, stupid. It's the desert. I was like, okay, I need to go to the PA, and I need to go to the P.A. and I need to get some some military boots.

So we get I mean, we get into the Chinook helicopter. Yeah. And I thought it was hot. No, it's freezing at night. Yeah, it's freezing. We're doing I don't know how fast 100, 100 feet off the deck, flying through the fucking desert with windows open. And we had a Marine with us and an Army guy,

and they just buried themselves in their vests. Right, like turtles. Arms inside. Arms inside, and I'm sitting there, I'm tucking my hands into my other thing, I'm sitting on my balls, I'm trying to tuck my socks into my pants, freezing. And I look over at Colin and he had a full-length goose jacket.

It was his assistant. Somebody told her that he should bring a coat for night because it gets cold. Didn't pass the information on to me and Steve. Steve had a windbreaker on. That's the only thing that made me happier is that dumb Steve had a windbreaker on. He was just sh thing that made me happier, is that dumb Steve had a windbreaker on, he was just shivering. And it was a two hour flight, and I prayed to every God there was.

I changed God seven times. I actually was on the other side of the war at the end of this. Dude, I was so cold. Then we land in the, we're 20 miles off the Syrian border. Yeah, al-Qaim? Maybe, yeah.

Yeah, that's where I was. Okay. We get off, that's where I was. Okay. Yeah. We get off, I snap my light sticks. Mm. Mm. All of a sudden the Marine goes, put those fucking light sticks out, you idiot!

You wanna get shot by a sniper? Yes. You're not supposed to light. No, you don't, man, you're a target. So, I walk by Colin, he goes, you look like a plane landing a plane. And that made the Marine left. So then we go in, and I think there was 15 Marines waiting

for hours for us to come. We were supposed to be there at 8. I don't know what. It was 2 in the morning. Yeah. Just sitting in a room, no microphone, no stage, just a bunch of dudes, bunch of grunts sitting around waiting for us. And we went in and we did this show for them.

No, it was the greatest show I've ever done. After the show, we hung out. Then we went back to a tent on cots. The tent had a hole in it. It was mud everywhere. Fuck, yeah. And I remember waking up to a fucking Bradley just rolling by the, g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g I had a sinus infection from the sand going up in my sinuses, I was sick. But it was one of the greatest shows I've ever done.

I couldn't believe that I had the opportunity to do something that very few comics get to do or would want to do. And like, Colin was the same. Colin was so into it. So into going there and doing shows for these men and women who would never ever, they don't get any entertainment.

Nothing. And that's just so important because it's like those small moments, those hours you're just making them laugh, they can lose themselves and that is just like a whole level of peace. You know, there's always returning to what they have to do but for that moment they can get lost, they can laugh and give them a sense of home

and like that's really, really important. So my hat goes off to you for that, because there's not a lot of people, the one that are willing to do that, and two that are, you know, like, can really connect with it. Kind of like experience that kind of, the dirt, the cold, like, that's every day.

Every day it's hot, every night it's cold, and if you got to fly a bird in the middle of the night to do something, you don't get jackets. You gotta, you know, thing full of ammo. Yeah, you don't get a fuckin' triple fat from Canada. Like, asshole calling. Canadian goose. Yeah, you didn't get any of that. Yeah, and I remember after the show,

these guys coming up to me and thanking you with... People come up after shows and, hey, thanks so much, a big fan, and I love that. But when they did it, it was something different about it. It was like a look in the eye, like dude, you don't know what I've been going through here and this was awesome, thank you for coming out. And it was.

Huge appreciation. It was great man. I would do it once a year if you could, but the problem with the USO stuff, it is political too. You gotta go with somebody. I've never felt bad about, you know, not playing the garden or not having my own sitcom or being hugely a tour and being, oh my God, that guy. I did always kinda was bummed out

that I was never famous enough to be asked to do a USO tour, like on my own. I never made that much success. And I guess you could go on. There was other tours that went there. But I'm not flying first class. So the thing is, I love Lufthansa, and the stop in Germany is so cool.

The pastries, have you had them? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, you know, locations throughout Southeast Asia and Iraq and various other places. But that's it's it's. I mean, it's what it's what you. What was the scariest night you had over there? I think there was this one night we were trying to take down these eight guys simultaneously, and we called it the Hussein Bates, who is these eight bad guys. And if we took down one bad guy isolated,

the other seven bad guys would ultimately take off. So we had these eight hits going on and it was just a lot of information was coming in that these guys were well armed, packed with suicide vests. And we were going in and kind of, you know, squad, squad plus. So that's 12, 15, 16 guys. And the key was to take all these guys hard hits. So it's like a soft hit is like, Hey, my name's, you know, can we come in? A hard hit is like kick open the door, frags,

you're going in, you know the bad guys there. And since we were doing it simultaneously, there's a lot of things that could go wrong. But like with my particular het, human exploitation team, you know, my lieutenant at the time, Lieutenant Pontreau, one of those guys who joined was a Wall Street, or New York Times writer. 31 towers go down.

He joins. So he's my OIC. And he's like, we're going to set you up with the hardest guy, or you're OK with him. I'm like, I'm absolutely fine with it. Let's just kill this dude. And that was it. We were trying to capture, but the expectation was a lot of kinetics going on.

And so there was just a lot of things going on. I'm nodding my head at kinetics. I don't know what it means. Shooting. OK, thank you. Shooting. And I hate you guys for just sitting there, by the way. They don't know what it means either.

There was another thing that he kept saying. It's like the unidentified something. What was the abbreviation? The? The, like, another word for like a bomb. IED. IED. I kept thinking that was a UTI. Improvised explosive device.

I thought it was a UTI. Yeah, that's what your mom has. Yeah. Oh, man. No, but I just have to, because I know there's people watching this going, this dummy doesn't know what that genetics. So I mean, long story short, there's

just a lot of things going down. We wound up capturing a couple, killing a couple. And my guy was one of those guys that we wound up capturing, because we really wanted him, because he was just full of information. So it was just nerve wracking, because we were kind of dumbed down on our numbers. And there was a lot of opportunities for things to get really, really, really bad.

So you going into this house, he's there. And does he have a cache? Does he have that shit under a rug? Yeah, I mean, he's got weapons cached. He's got bodyguards on the top that were ultimately dispatched, if you will. And then I know what that means. Yeah. that were ultimately dispatched, if you will. And then... I know what that means. Yeah, and then we went in through the frags, pull it, you usually get them at night

when they're laying in bed next to their wife or wives and just take them down, throw them out of the ground. And then there's what's called a on the spot interrogation where you have obtained the shock of capture. So imagine getting pulled out of your bed, thrown in a cuffs and then I'm staring at you, screaming in your face about this, this, and everything else.

So I do an on-the-spot interrogation, and then follow this guy. Well, ride with him all the way back to the detention facility, just continuously interrogating him, looking for follow-on targets. If one guy isn't at his house, where is he? Are there any bombs in the road? Where are the reinforcements?

It was just, there's so many moving things going on that something was likely, because what do they say? The first thing that dies in combat is your plan? In this whole process, I was like, man, it'd just be super easy if it was just maybe three guys instead of eight, or maybe four even.

But like- One second, really? Were you laughing that I nodded my head at that? No. I was laughing because I was thinking the first thing that would die in combat would be me. Yes. First of all, nobody's sending you to protect any country.

A ruba wouldn't send you. Fucking asshole. Send Dany. It's fun. You know, you're not going to get it. You're going to get it. You're going to get it. You're going to get it. You're going to get it. You're going to get it. You're going to get it. You're going to get it.

You're going to get it. You're going to get it. You're going to get it. You're going to get it. You're going to get it. You're going to get them to actually start talking. As long as they talk, that's where you can start to extract information, leads, and different things like that. And that's what you did. Yeah.

And did you get information? Oh yeah, yeah, I got lots of stuff. Lots of follow-on targets, caches, IDs, facilities, who was smuggling. So one of the things they would do across the Syrian border, they'd slice the backs open of sheep and fill it with narcotics, sew it up, and then send them across with a herder.

So it was like, figuring out those rat lines and who was doing this, who was doing that. Why did you want to stop narcotics? Why did you give a fuck about that? It finances a lot of where guys make their money, how they're running drugs, and it's all money. When you want, see, now I watch Seal Team Six, one of my favorite shows.

I love all those type of shows. But when you watch it, are they... Are they, like, I always look at it like, our guys are the top of the top, the motherfuckers, and their guys, you know, they have like two. You know what I mean? Like, there's like one sniper that's really good. And then there's another tough guy because they make it look like that.

But are these guys bad? Like I would imagine that these guys are bad asses, too. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Your adversary. There's there's all different facets. Sometimes people are coerced into doing some sort of nefarious act. Some are well trained. Some are like foreign fighters. They've come from other countries to engage.

Because the first Iraq war, over in 10 days, we went in there and took them out. But this was a different animal. Different animal. Where were these? This was Al-Qaeda. They sent them in from where? Because you went in for the Iraq.

I remember the first time I went to Iraq, we had just missed, when we first went there, other comedians went downtown The people were happy to see them out this time everybody was you know, like and then like the first time we attacked there And we took a son Saddam Hussein out. Yeah, the people were happy They tore down the statue and the other Congress went downtown. Yeah and stuff like that But there was a thing that had turned yes where a whole nother group came in Yeah but there was a thing that had turned where a whole nother group came in. And that's when, it's not the Iraqi people

that were happy that we were there, that were happy that Saddam was gone because he oppressed them. Another group came in and took over, and that was... Yeah, so I mean, the whole al-Qaeda thing is a little bit, there's multiple levels to it. Saddam was the horrible tyrant, but he also kept those people out.

Out. Exactly right. So when he left, a huge vacuum came in. And that's where these different homegrown insurgents and terrorists started to form their factions and cells. And then there was forward influence from outside Al Qaeda. So you have like you have the Levant, which is a portion of Syria into Iraq, and you have the Makreb, which is a portion of Northern Africa. So you have the Al-Qaeda in the Makreb and Al-Qaeda in the Levant.

And those would be your foreign fighters supplying influence, supplying training to those homegrowns to basically fight us. And then there was an awakening, they kind of called it, where a lot of Iraqi civilians and different tribes started to form together and say, we're going to need to get these people out, and we need to gain the security of our own country. So you still had loyal Baathists, which were Saddam's loyal party,

and those were mostly in Baghdad and kind of the eastern portion of Iraq. But Al-Ambar was all Sunni, and it was the wild west out there. That's like the Ramadi Fallujah corridor up to like Huklandia all the way out to like al Qaim. So different set of crazy out there, I guess. And there was a lot of Ford influence, financially training, equipment, it all existed. It would just flow in from Syria, Jordan,

and those guys were no joke. No joke. Yeah. Those are former Chechnyan fighters, guys from from Africa. If you were walking like down the streets of like, let's just say Ramadi and you saw like a six foot, you know, black guy, you're like, this guy is not for he's like he's from Africa, maybe. And he is there for something else, you know, because that's just not that popular. You see a white guy that's a local Iraqi, he's got like red hair, blue eyes,

you're like, hmm, maybe British in the family from that first kind of invasion when the Brits were there. So there's a lot of trying to figure out who's who in the zoo, but eventually you kind of figure out there's a lot of foreign influence that's kind of generating there. Now you left, you came home. Then went back. And you went back again. And then again. Why, dude? You just, you came home. Then went back.

And you went back again. And then again. Why, dude? You just, yeah, that's what you do. It's what you do. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I came back, made a baby, went back, came back. And you do deployments based on rotations.

But because my field is a counterintelligence, human intelligence guy, you're at a higher op tempo. So like in the Marine Corps, there's probably only maybe, out of the entire Marine Corps, there's maybe like three or 400 of us. Yeah. And we deploy out everywhere and we attach to a lot of different groups, whether it's, you know, working with the CIA component or NCIS or, you know, green side as far as like, you know, a green beret Delta Force, you know, something to those kind of different three letters. And you might be going as a four man team or individually. So like, I did stateside ops out of 29 Palms,

California with NCIS targeting terrorist organizations and groups in the Las Vegas area, going there on surveillance ops like my two boys, I took them on their first surveillance op because I had a static position set up a pizza hut, because there was surveillance ops. Like my two boys, I took them on their first surveillance op because I had a static position, set up a pizza hut, because there was some sort of drug connection. You were in a pizza hut? In a pizza hut, yeah. And I was like, well, I can run this spot,

because I have my kids. We could sit in there. I just went in for one guy to walk in, get confirmation that it was there. And I was establishing a pattern of steps for a kind of a bigger surveillance picture. So I just grabbed my two kids. I gave them a coloring book., we sit there and eat pizza. I'm like, Yeah, daddy's good. And then you just watch the guy come in, watch him out. Like he's, you know, radio

in he goes out, I had to bring my, my kids and my ex wife on a whole FBI NCIS sort of operation on the western side of Las Vegas targeting this guy within like the Connie network who was a thing and I was going there to interview him for a job. And if it went awry, I was supposed to like step outside and like smoke a cigarette, light up a cigarette. That was like the indicator from far surveillance that it was going down like things were getting kind of hairy in there. I've done all sorts of stuff.

So I mean, there's terrorists here. I mean, there's today I've been out of the game, which is a good thing. But there's still nefarious individuals that are always around here looking to cause harm, looking to gain access, looking to infiltrate. If people know information, there's always somebody else that's willing to buy it

or exchange for it. Now, did you, now like the way we came out, like you did all that work over there, you did all this stuff over there, and then the way we just pulled out. Is it a better place now? No, it's not. It's chaos.

I mean, specifically in Afghanistan, I mean, that was a horrible withdrawal, the whole process. I mean, I think when it comes down to like decision makers, it comes down to money. Yeah, you know, and I think that the lives kind of fall to that second tier. And unfortunately, like, as a counterintel guy, you know, my Arabic was good when I was in country. But you employ a lot of local nationals and then cleared personnel like my this is one of my interior gate or interpreters. His name was Sammy.

He was a six foot four gay Arabic man from Queens. And I'll never forget him, and he was just he would walk. He does comedy here at the cellar. He probably he's killing it. It was huge. And he had like an earring, but he used to get so tormented as a kid. He went back, gained his U.S. citizen citizenship, went back as an interpreter. And he loved going on patrols because he would just carry this little AK.

And he was all about just throwing lead and all these. He just he had some hate in his heart. Yeah. But he left a lot of interpreters over there, you know. So you want to release on the Taliban. That's that was a gay kid who got bullied. You mother fuckers. He's like, hey, he's got like the full back of the military. But it was it was it was a, you know, a facet of my life.

It wasn't the worst one. I enjoyed it. And so people, you know, like my nephew now, he's now going through the school of infantry. He's an infantryman. He's like six foot nine. He's just a monster. But he's like, I want to be in the infantry. I'm like, this is the smartest decision you could make

because it really, it warps your mind where like the littlest things will not bother you. You know what I mean? Like, and it's just, it's just great. So I recommend folks go into the military. Yeah, but it fucked up your marriage a little bit, right? No, no, no. She was cool. You leave for nine months.

Yeah, I mean, you know, at that time, I think my wife wants me to join the infantry. She would love me. I'm not. It was really once, you know, but leaving your kid, didn't that kill you? It did. It did. Yeah. And it was it was when I left my oldest boy who's 18. It sucked. Absolutely leaving him.

And you come back, he doesn't know who you are. You sucked, absolutely. Leaving him, then he'd come back. He doesn't know who you are. She would go out for a run, and he'd wake up from a nap. I'd be there. He'd be crying. But I never held it against him. He's a child. He's very young.

So it took time to build it. And I think from that, him and I have the best bond, both my sons. One was born in Okinawa between the deployments. But there's a bond there because I did miss that time that I cherish every single. That's why my youngest is out here with us right now. Let's go out, let's go have a good time,

we'll go to New York. We have a relationship where it's like, ah, dad, it's not my thing. He's like, yeah, absolutely, this sounds like good. He can be a little quiet at times, but there's a good relationship there. So even though I missed out, I'm not trying to make up for lost time,

I'm just trying to give him the best quality time. Right now. Right now. So when you come back, you're out of the military. Yeah. Is that a choice or did you? It was a choice, yeah. At a certain point, I valued what

I was able to do as a dad more than anything. Like my last chunk of change in the military was kind of like non-deployable for several months where I didn't have to go down range and I got to be like a little league coach. I got to head out into the bush and bring him fishing and I was like, fuck, what am I doing, man? I'm like, I just knew I was gonna be back

in that cycle of rotation. Yeah. Like, I'm gonna do this. I'm like, I just knew I was going to be back in that cycle of rotation. Yeah, like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to be a dad full time. Left the Marine Corps. My contract had come to its final stage, if you will. And then, yeah, got out. I worked a contract teaching people how to interrogate, like, DOD personnel.

That money, that's money. Yeah, it was really good money a lot of great money the downside was it was just doing the exact same thing here here but all I wanted to do was go there and do that so I was like I need to step out of this world and so I kind of just fell to that that continuous love of being outdoors and that was a path I went in my entire time in the military. I got to spend a lot of time with different cultures and groups and people and learn from them.

Like I spent time living with Bedouins, um, through Ambar province targeting, you know, high value targets and different jungle clans and, you know, Southeast, it just, it gave me a whole different kind of different aspect of ground truth. And, um, it is that truth. And it is that way you is that what you picked up all the stuff you know now, I would say over there. And then you came back and was like, I'm going to I'm going to shut it down and I'm going to go live

because the way you live now and the things that you do, I mean, you know, I mean, the stuff that you have, I mean, you're not you're not going out with the you know, I have a Jack Lor bushcraft have, I mean, you're not going out with the, you know, I have a Jack Lor Bushcraft knife. It's a great knife. It's the best knife. Best knife. Jack Lor, if you're out there, what's up, baby?

Peace. Great knife. Not that you'll give me one or acknowledge me when I email you to try to get one. Scruffy Bones had to get me one who lives in England, but whatever. I couldn't get a knife. I was waking up at five in the morning to email him.

I'll want one. I'll get you one. But yeah. I like you you make your knives. I mean, yeah, I I just want to show people yeah, look at this blade I mean you made this knife and you what made you go back into the Stone Age? Yeah, what made you what made you want instead of going and buy? You know a Bear Grylls knife with a with a ferro rod in it and a toothpick. What made you want, instead of going and buy a Bear Grylls knife with a ferro rod in it and a toothpick, what made you want to make this? I mean, this is, you made this.

I did, yes sir. And you can survive with this. Absolutely. You can go out in the woods, if the electricity goes out today, right now in New York City, we have all that we need right here to survive. For long term.

With you, of course. I mean, you three are dead. I don't know if I can take it now. No, I think it came down to... Danny would start complaining immediately. It's cold. I'm sweating. Can we get banchan? Sorry.

I don't even know what that is. It's just Korean fried chicken. Okay. It's awesome. Yeah, but what made you go that deep into it? Is it the heart attack? No, so, I mean, this was all prior to that heart attack. I'm going to go with the fried chicken. It's awesome. What made you go that deep into it? Is it the heart attack? No, this was all prior to that heart attack.

I think the military kind of warped my mentality on having the right gear, best pack, best rifle, all that sort of stuff. Stuff. I have stuff. We all have stuff. I have all the camping stuff and all the bush. I have stuff. And there's nothing wrong with that, because that stuff leads to a certain experience.

And I found, once I was in the process of getting out and had gotten out, I was kind of returning to that stuff. And I was like, man, this is too much. So I went down into Palm Springs. I took every backpack, sleeping bag, stove, everything that I had that was modern, and I gave it to the entire homeless population there. I said, how did we do this?

How did we as a species, as early hominids, survive 3.3 million years ago all the way up till today? And I started doing some kind of research into it, and it all came down to stone tools. I said, that was one of the pivotal moments when we were able to make various raw stone flakes and various chopping tools. We were able to not just survive, but thrive with those.

So I did a deep dive and had a guy at that time who was flint knapping. He made me a set of obsidian tools. And I said, the only way I can learn this is by ultimately learning how to use these tools would shape how I would craft them going forward. And instead of trying to make them make me a set,

I'm going to use them until there's nothing left. And then I'm going to start making them. And I did that. I spent probably like two months with those obsidian tools until there was nothing left. Started making them. And then I quickly realized how much stuff you can actually did that I spent with those, you know, probably like two months with those obsidian tools until there was nothing left, started making them. And then I quickly realized how much stuff you can actually do with stone tools. More importantly, how much

freer you are without the stuff. Because everything you could possibly imagine can come from nature, food, clothing, water, shelter, medicine. Why because we've been doing that thousands of years, thousands and thousands of years. And now we're we're all about stuff stuff. I mean, I'm moving right now. And the amount of shit that we have. Yeah, is crazy to me.

And there's a part of me that it's like, get rid of it all. Do it. Get rid of it all. Yeah, I can't. They can. I love my new meta glasses They play music. They are pretty cool No, but I there we like I'm I'm going through stuff now. I'm like toss it Yeah, if I haven't used it toss it like get rid of it. I don't want it. I'm not using I've cords Like shit loads of course stupid things. Yeah, I have little microphones that I haven't used and I used it You know all this microphones that I haven't used and I used, you know, all this stuff that I got,

because we're made, everything is in front of us. Buy stuff, get stuff, get this thing. It's so easy to get stuff. Amazon, Facebook, everything. Everything is connected to your phone. Your phone, you can buy, they can, you know, they put something in front, I need that, I need this,

and you don't need any of it, is what you're saying, is we really don't need any of it. You don't. You need relationships, you need your tribe. Yeah don't need any of it. You don't you need relationships. You need your tribe. Yeah, we need food, shelter, fire, water. You're good. I definitely don't need the old producer of the show.

I love you, Max. I'm kidding. Yeah, it's it's a less you guys. It's it's a less is more mentality. All right. I want to ask you a question. On this table right now, the electricity goes out. Yeah. Right now.

In New York City. And it's out. You love that. Yeah, I'm down with it. You have to take two things off this table right now that you made. What would you take? That I've made? That, right, two things on this table, no, no, two things on this table that are on here, not that you made.

Okay, I'd probably take these two bottles of water. Really? Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. I woulda not picked those! I woulda, cause I mean, when you really think about it, let's say electricity goes out,

it's very, very likely with it, and it stays out, all your amenities, you know, water, sewage, transportation, all that stuff's going on. The biggest thing that's going to get you first is no clean water to drink. So if I have a source of water, one of these I can drink, I can turn it into a filter to purify other bad water, and I can walk out on the street and make a knife, take whatever I need from somebody if they've got something, you know. So that's, I mean, you're gonna just take. If it comes down to life or death,

I mean, that's kind of like, it's not so much taking, I'd probably ask first, be like, you can join the tribe or that knife. So it does go back to tribes, it goes back to the strongest. Very much. So women are done. Yeah. Yeah. You hear that?

I want the electricity out just to show my wife, you need me, bitch. You need me. Exactly. I mean, water's key. I mean, a lot of the knives and stuff, they're all great. But I could smash a window and I've got a cutting tool when you really think about it, you know, anything like that. Any of this cordage, like as far as the sinew. This is sinew. This is deer tendon.

Yeah, the sinew. And you cut this out of the deer, let it dry. When it becomes this amber color, then you peel this off, cut it, pound it between two, pound the rock on it and then peel it and then chew it. Chew it. And then you can wrap that around like an arrow point and it will shrink down onto it and hold it nice and tight. Joe, will you put this in your mouth and chew this right now? You're fine.

It's fresh. No. I'll do it. You can eat it? Can I put this in my mouth? Yeah, yeah. It's great for like dog chews too. It will take a little while.

It tastes like, mmm. It's sinew, man. This wasn't up your bum. That'd be a little while. It tastes like, mmm. It's sinew, man. This wasn't up your bum. That'd be a funny trick. If all your sinew you send out is sticking to my ass. It's like, shit. So that's crazy that that water that you'd take. Yeah, well, I mean, water is key. You can go three weeks without food, if not longer,

but water would definitely be essential. The number one, wow, I didn't think you'd take that. I thought you'd take the clock. And my phone. Or I might take this scarf right here. Oh, you take the bomb bandanna? Yeah, well, I mean, just in the event that there's fire, there's smoke, I have a means of kind of protecting my lungs.

So that's... Then I could wet it with the water and... Is there a part of you inside, because now you've been in a how long was it in the cave? Six months. Six months in a cave by yourself. Okay.

Do you not jerk off in a cave? Of course you do. Okay. I mean, there's needs. Thank God. Because I was like, I can't go six months without jerking off. I need to. You got to flog the stowaway.

It's just part of the game. So you're going to have to KFD. But do you use it for something? Fish bait. Eh. I'm going to throw up. Eh. I'm going to throw up.

Eh. Waste not want not. I'm just joking. You come minnows? I catch large mouth bass. Oh my god. Dude, I'm so glad you told me you were joking. I'm going to You come minnows? I catch large mouth bass. Oh, my God. Dude, I'm so glad you told me you were joking. I'm going to teach Max that. Max, this is how you catch...

This is primitive. This is the way your pucca lip goes. Dude, listen, you come in your hand, you put the hook on it, you catch yourself a sea bass. After you catch the fish, do you call it gay? Of course. What if it's a female fish? It's a catfish. All right.

Thank God you're masturbating. There's the primal needs. How do you clean it up with a leaf? You just flip it? You're Spider-Man? I throw it over my shoulder. Is that how they made the cave paintings back in the day? With the ochre.

That's funny. You just take care of business. Right, what if you get caught by a coyote? There's no, yeah, that's dinner. All right, so as you're out in the woods and you see something like that come up, you need a coyote. Yeah.

How do you kill a coyote? How do you kill an animal out there? Like, if you're out there and something comes on you, have you ever had that experience where something comes up on you at night? Yeah, I've had several moose and some mountain lion encounters, but my biggest encounter was probably I was in my cave. This wasn't even during that six-month window, but...

And there's no door on this cave. No, it's just a big opening, and there's like a little skyline. So I have like seven or eight caves that I move in between. One of them has more fresh water. How much is a cave? Eh, it's dirt cheap. Hey. Hey. No, it's cave? That's dirt cheap. OK, hey, hey, hey, hey.

No, it's it's take this pump and. But it's there's there's plenty of things in every cave that offers different opportunities. But my one summertime cave was just kind of the best one. And I was sleeping in this grass bed. It was actually nicer than my bed at home. And it's just a big pile of grass. You crawl in and keeps you warm.

And I usually don't have fires at night. It's just a lot of maintenance, especially when it's warm out. So my fire's out and I'm laying in bed. I start to feel this amazing sensation as if a woman is licking my toes. And I'm like, God. And you can you're kind of awake. You're kind of asleep.

Please tell me you got ahead from a coyote. It's even better. OK, go ahead. It's even better. OK, go ahead. It's even better. So I'm there. I'm kind of like, oh, man, what is this? OK. I mean, I already turned off, but I can go again.

Yeah, exactly. So I'm slowly kind of coming awake. And the next thing you know, I wake up, and there's a bear licking my toes. I let out a scream, like a genuine like, ugh, like one of those. It's a juvenile. It lets out its scream. It takes off the, you know, the back end of the cave. I light a fire.

I sit up the entire night just knowing that bear was in the area. And like, usually I don't wear shoes or maybe I'll wear like sandals or something like that. But I just, I must have been walking through like some raspberry, you know, raspberry or salmon berries where I just had juices on my feet and just attracted and just that long tongue right between the toes. And I was like, I scared the shit out of me. Jesus Christ. That was pretty nerve wracking, but that was still a good time.

And then, but now you're out there and you gotta, you have to get food every day, right? Yeah. So you go out, your whole day is what? Getting water, food? Water, food, if there's springs, that means I don't have to get food every day, right? Yeah. So you go out, your whole day is what? Getting water, food? Water, food, if there's springs, that means I don't have to boil it. Most of the springs that I come across

usually dig out like a big scratch. They feel full of water. Take like a deer leg bone or some sort of plant that's hollow and you just drink from it, cover it back up. That's if you have, you know, if you don't have a pot or something like that to boil out of, then it's just clean water. But a lot of it's looking for food. Some of it's green, some of it's fish. It's all based on like the... So you had to learn about plants and mushrooms and everything.

Yeah, I was a vegan for a couple of years on a dare. Just it was kind of a way. My buddy dared me. I couldn't not eat meat. I was like, I'll do it. So I did it for like 30 days. The bet was for 90. So I did 30, 60, 90. Once I hit the 90, I was like, this isn't too bad. Why is because when I was out in the bush, I had to remove an entire food option off of my menu. So I had to really kind of learn these plants and force myself to learn these plants.

And it was like a year's change. But don't you need animal fat to survive. Won't your body, your muscles go away and well, like, you know what I mean? Like if you if you're just eating plants, well, like I watch the show alone. That's one of my favorite shows. Yeah. And one of the things that the winner always does is gets animal fat. Yeah. You know, he'll kill some type of animal and have the fat of the animal. Yeah. Not the meat. Yeah. It's fat of the animal. Yeah, not the meat

Yeah, it's the fat that's good because the meat is lean Yeah, and you can eat all the meat you want but you want the fat like bears eat the skin off the salmon because of the fat They don't really fuck with the meat. Yeah, because they're looking to fatten up fat No, so if you're out there and you're not having the fat and you're eating these grassy things and mushrooms, aren't you losing a lot of that muscle? Absolutely. And that's bad for you. It's totally bad for you,

but there's other ways to kind of supplement it. You can do a lot of roots and tubers, a lot of carbohydrates in those. Okay. And those carbohydrates, it's not like eating a bowl of pasta, you're eating like burdock root or dandelion root, and it's good, but you are losing weight.

There's there's no way of kind of getting around it. But you have to think about what is kind of like where your body should be. Like, I always like to go into the Bush calorie positive. So I got a little bit of leeway. You know, yeah, I have more fat on the bones. Yeah, that's what they do on the loan. Like, you always know the guy coming in fat as shit. Yeah, like the women never win.

Yeah, because they don't have enough body fat to survive the show. It's true. Yeah. And it's not I mean, some of these women are badass bitches. Yeah, for sure. And they and they just get too thin where it's like they didn't get enough fat. Yeah, I was on alone. What season? Season six. I watched season six. Did you did you? Well, what happened to you?

I ate the muskrat and you got sick. Yeah. Did you, what happened to you? I ate the muskrat. And you got sick. Yeah. Did you cry? Yeah. You pussy. I know. I remember you.

Yeah. You were crying. Yeah, but it wasn't the muskrat that got me sick. What was it? It was. I remember you. Yeah. I remember going, this fucking guy.

Get out of here, you did not. I was eating, I think I was eating chips and queso. This clock's out, don't get me a Gatorade Zero. You guys crying in this one. Oh, man, dude, I was so disappointed. I mean, it was still a good time, but I had dysentery. From what? From the berries.

So a lot of animals piss and shit on them. And you didn't wash them. And I've been accustomed to eating berries off the plants for so long. You gotta be so careful. You really do, you really do. I mean, it was a mistake I made, but it wasn't something. Didn't you check the liver?

Oh yeah, for the muskrat. I've eaten muskrat countless times. So, and unfortunately I didn't film myself getting sick because I was like, oh, you know what to do. You're gonna be fine, sack up, move through it. Then at a certain point, I had become so severely dehydrated from dysentery. And it was my third time having it.

Had it in Iraq once, once in South Korea. I knew my signs and symptoms. So I was looking for a plant called yarrow. If I could have found it, it would have definitely helped. And it just did not exist on my little patch of land. What? Where were you? I was in the Canadian Arctic. Okay, yes.

And I was on a little island, and there was another guy in one half, and I was on the other half, long cigar shape, and there's just no yarrow. So I started having some GI issues, like day three. And you had a heart attack. And then I had, yeah, I had a heart attack. Because you were like, dude, I had a heart attack,

and I ain't going out. Yeah, it was the one rule that my doctor at the time said is you have to stay hydrated. And since I couldn't keep anything't going out. Yeah, it was the one rule that like my doctor at the time said is like, you have to stay hydrated. And since I couldn't keep anything inside or out, you had to go. I had to go. And fortunately, you know, it's it's my short appearance there ultimately kind of worked in my favor

because there's been a lot of other opportunities. Didn't you you didn't get to build your final house either, right? Yeah, I finished it. Did you finish? Yeah, I got to look this up again. I remember you. I gotta look this up again. I remember that happening.

I remember the worst one on that show is the guy lost his ferro rod. He made a, this fucking idiot made a jacuzzi. He found a tub and he made a jacuzzi and he heated it up and then he lost his ferro rod. Oh shit. And he was like, I gotta go. That's it.

I can't. I think, well, I might be mixing guys up. But yeah, the guy lost his ferro rod. And he was like, it was a big, the big one. And he was like, if I, it's too wet. It was too wet for him to light a fire or to do any type of hand drill or anything. So he need, that was the big one. She was like, I'm not gonna make it.

I gotta go. Yeah. I had, in my mind, I was already envisioning I was going to win it. Because I had done this countless times before. Six months in a cage. That's what I mean. But it's just a flip of a coin at that point.

But it's a different environment they put you in. Yeah. It goes from nice to bad. Yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah. And I think that's why I love the show. It's a great show.

I mean, there's so many seasons now and there's been a lot of great people that go on there and I think it's probably one of the more authentic shows. Survival shows. Yeah, like Bear Grylls, he's going to a hotel, they say at night sometimes. Yeah, it's. Which is fine, I get it.

You're trying to teach people stuff. That's what it is. Alone, the fact that these guys are film, you have to film yourself. Everything, yeah. And how do they replenish your batteries they drop them off yeah so you have a little battery bag you take that bag put it in your drop location and then you know if you ever hear a boat coming they're coming to pick up your

bat you're spent batteries and then your little SD cards yeah and you just got to get away they want no human contact and then you know you hear the boat drive away you go and check your bag there's your fresh bad And there's so many, the thing I like about the show is that you're like, oh, this guy's gonna win. And then the one guy caught 37 fish. And I was like, he's gonna win, he's got all that, but he fucking was hoarding it. And he got into that starvation mode

where your brain says keep them, and he got too thin and they took him out and he had all this food that he could've ate but he didn't eat it and he got taken out. It's 100% reality in that respect. Aside from them coming in and doing a medical check, just to make, in that sort of case, that you aren't gonna die,

I've done several survival shows and that one is by far probably my second favorite. I did a spinoff of it called Alone the Beast where I lived in a swamp for 30 days with no tools and just one dead hog. They just gave me a dead hog. No knives, no nothing. So you know, you got a butcher a hog out with bamboo because it's razor sharp once you split it, smoked the meat, ate mushrooms, killed animals with atlattles and clubs.

But I like the approach of nothing. Because on a loan, you get 10 items. You get 10 items. So it's 10 luxuries. It's 10 things you don't necessarily need to be like. It's a pot. Usually people take a pot. Pot, ferro rod.

They take a ferro rod, a sleeping bag. They have usually a bow. Yeah. You can't take a gun, right? No guns, nothing like that. But usually it's like a saw, an axe. I usually take a saw. Yeah. It's all for wood processing.

But I think let's take nothing. Yeah. That's what I like. Yeah, that's mental illness. It's a mental illness. It totally is. But the fact that you illness. It's a mental illness. Yeah, it totally is. But the fact that you can do that is a superhero power you have.

Oh, I appreciate it, man. I mean, it really is because I, you know, I'm fascinated with the fact that in the last, what, couple hundred years maybe, we've been living with all this luxury stuff. And now, you look outside now, people don't even have shitty cars anymore. Like everybody has a pretty good car.

Like when I was coming up, you had a bucket that was probably gonna fucking fall apart on a date at some point. One of my cars had a hole in the floor and it was raining out on a date and we went through a puddle and it just, all the water came up through the car on this poor girl and I just looked at her and she went, take me home.

Take me home. But everybody has a phone, everybody has a TV, everybody has a car, I mean we are so shackled to our stuff. Yeah. And the fact that you at any point can just go out there and you do it you go You go, and you call it grounding, right? Yeah, I call it grounding, I call it ground truth, I call it earth roaming. There's a lot of things where it's just about knowing more, caring less, knowing that nature will provide all,

if you have the knowledge, skills, and abilities to kind of resource the things that you need. And creativity is your number one, your number one survival skill. I read that in your book because creativity, if you said you could go out with anything, it would be your creativity. Absolutely.

Because that's where we figured all this shit out. Because you said we weren't born with fangs and claws and that we had to recreate that somehow. Absolutely. Through stones and... And nature gave us the perfect examples large predators and and and you know animals that run fast and winged animals so the perfect example was there we just had to figure out how to connect

those pieces and create everything and I mean it's amazing what we've done think about it the guys well I want to the birds are flying how do we do that and they figured it out yeah and and Leonardo da Vinci was trying to figure it out back then. Yeah. And even 100, 200,000 years ago, when we had throwing sticks, it's built in a perfect airfoil. So it gets circular rotation. It flies nice and flat.

And how do we know that? Well, we probably, eventually, one point in time came across a bird and said, its bird's wing looks like this. And we probably built our rabbit sticks and our throwing sticks to mirror that, because if it flies flies far maybe this piece of wood can fly the exact same way. Right. It's all creativity.

It's all creativity. So having that out there. Number one. You'll figure it out. Absolutely. And you teach classes now. I do. I do.

I teach mostly private classes, all walks of life and small classes, mainly in like butchering large game. Has anybody quit? Like, I can't do it? I won't let anybody quit. I mean, there's people that sign up. Danny's not going. There's people that sign up for like 10 days, and they're like, I think I only got like eight days in me.

If it's medical related, if it's something where we've only had a couple mouthfuls of water, we're really low on food. Um, I always try to supplement with different things as far as maybe giving them an option for clean water or maybe give them a gorilla, but I don't like people quitting because everybody has it in them. But if it is medical related, then we'll, we'll, we'll depart early. I do it. I want to come out and do one of these. You're always welcome. I really do. How much does it cost? 10,000. Don't worry about it. I pick you up in my truck. Yeah.

You bring your kit. You bring your boy. We'll head out in the back country. Yeah. And we'll just go. How long? You pick whatever. Whatever.

However many days you want to do. How many days you think I could do? With your current knowledge, skills, and ability? Yeah. I'd say I think you could probably do about 30. What? 30. Listen, I think you could probably do about 30. Okay, what? 30. All right, listen.

I have shows to do. I honestly think you could do 30 days. The reason why is you have a different mentality compared to everyone else's sitting. Let me tell you something right now. If I had the money in the world to be able to just take 30 days off, that's the one thing that I'm shackled to

is I have to work, Iled to is a I have to work I have to make my have to provide but if I had that money, I would definitely do shit like that I would definitely go out into the woods and I love these guys who go out there and just build something and stay there and And and and figure it out because I think it would simplify things. I catch myself on my phone way too much I catch myself and then every once in a while, I'll be sitting in the backyard and I'll just sit, and all of a sudden I'll hear things I didn't even know.

I'll hear birds, I'll hear stuff in the distance, and I'm like, wow, my hearing is, wow, it's crazy how much stuff is around me right now. I'll hear a bee, I'll hear a bug. I'll hear a... That's the hear a bug. I'll hear a- That's the pattern of life. You're starting to hear it, you're starting to see it. You sit, you look, listen, you smell.

You're slowly incorporating all of your senses into that natural environment. You start to hear those things. You start to smell them, you start to see them at distance. That's that pattern of work. How long do you think Danny could last? 12 minutes. 12 minutes.

I'll tell you what, you start with a good, solid How long do you think Danny could last? 12 minutes. 12 minutes. I'll tell you what, you start with a good solid three days. Yeah. We'll get it done. Dude, I want to come out for, I could probably do maybe a week. Yeah, a week's good. And I want to come out, and it's in Colorado, right? Colorado, we can go down to my place in the Chihuahua, it's right in the desert.

The Chihuahua? Is that a Mexican restaurant? No. We're going to get tacos first. No, there's nothing out there but I would. But I make some scorpions and. Yeah, but this is my this is my fears that we're going to go out there. I'm going to get bit by a scorpion. You're going to have to carry me back and hate me.

We'll eat it before. Like, see, just going out there, your your senses will go in a completely different direction. There's no distractions about. I know, but I'll be talking and I'll be yapping anyways, you know, one time. And then I'll just get bit by a fucking snake. You like you idiot. You'll be fine. Yeah. If you get bit by a snake, you'll be fine.

I I've walked through those deserts barefoot with with sandals on. No issues, man. But can I wear my hokas? You can wear you can wear. Here's the deal. I have plantar fasciitis. If you wear those, it actually slows you down and makes you pay attention more. When we wear boots and big hiking boots, we just walk. Right.

So when you wear something, it gives you a little bit of exposure. You start to factor in. There are hazards down here. Things that sting, bite. You're going to get sick of me eight minutes in. Ow. Ooh, ow.

Eee, ow. You'll be good. Ow, ooh, ow, ee, ow. I'm in, dude, let's do this. I want you to come on Comedy Camp, too. We gotta talk about that. I would love for you to be, we're gonna film this in October and I'd love for you to be part of it. Because there's so much stuff that you know that would help in this.

Oh, my wife's calling right now, hang on one second. Dawn, I'm in the middle of my podcast with Donnie Dust. It's me, Josh. Oh, hi, Max, how are you? Good. You okay? Yeah, I'm just crying a second night. I love you so much.

Hey, would you wanna go out and live in the woods with Donnie Dust for a couple days? With you? Yes, with me, not just Donnie. You don't wanna know what he does in a cave. Yes. Yeah, sure. Would you do it?

But no, there's no electricity. We're going to hunt and eat off the land. No snacks. Ah, damn it. Are you in? Yeah, I'm in. But can I make a suggestion? Yes. Can I bring a suggestion? Yes.

Can I bring a huge bag of Doritos in my bag? Absolutely. He said yes. What a bear to chase you. There's no no no baby wipes. Yeah, I can't do it. Max, don't use the Lord's name in vain. How dare you? We're going to need God on our side. All right. All right. Cool. We're going to do this. All right. Me and you.

Let's get it. All right. All right. I love you. I love you so much. I'll talk to you later. Tell your mom I love it, too, but right, cool. We're gonna do this, all right, me and you. Let's get it. All right. All right. I love you, Dad. I love you so much, I'll talk to you later. Tell your mom I love her too, but we're leaving. He's right here. I love you. Good night.

All right, say good night. First of all, Dawn, I don't like your excitement when you saw Donnie Dust on FaceTime. I don't like that you saw a real man and you got all whipped up. He's your type of guy, isn't he? Good night. Good night, bye of guy, isn't he? Good night. Good night. Bye. Wow. That wasn't an answer. Bye.

My name's Dawn. Oh, Dawn. Did you give her a nickname? Listen, we got to get you downstairs. Because your family's waiting for you. But I have a game I'd like to play with you. Fire away. We're going to ask you some questions. OK, you and Danny, some questions. OK. Danny, are you ready to play this game? These you some questions. You and Danny some questions.

Okay. Danny, are you ready to play this game? I'm ready. These are survival questions with Donnie and Danny. Let's do it. It's a new show. New series. Here we go. New series. Here we go.

Now, I'm going to ask Danny first and ask you second. Okay. Yeah. What is the first thing you do when you get stranded, Danny? Go on Instagram Live and tell all my friends that I'm so stranded right now, hashtag blessed. Donnie? Well, the social media thing's wrong.

Usually you wanna stay in place, but you wanna avoid danger when in place. And, okay, great. So you're wrong, Danny. Danny. Yeah, but how are some people supposed to know that you're stranded? That's why you stay in place.

When they come looking for you, you're in one place. You're not moving around, getting more lost. Danny would just walk in circles looking at the sun. Danny. Yes. How can you tell if the food you are gathering is poisonous, Danny? You just eat a little bit first.

You just take a tiny nibble. That is. Donnie. Well, there's quite a few ways, but I always like to say if it's present, it's poisonous. If something else's other animals like to eat berries and different plants, so if they're there, it's probably poisonous.

If they're there, they eat poisonous stuff? No, I'm saying they're gonna avoid the poisonous plants as well. So if they don't eat it, don't eat it. Okay, Danny, did you get that? A little nibble is wrong. Could run your eye. You fucking idiot.

Take a little nibble. You would take a little nibble and go, this isn't bad. A little poison never killed anyone. Yeah, yeah, okay. Tell that to Malamon Rowe. After you, Danny, after you kill an animal for food, what are the steps you have to do before eating it? Oh, man, this is good.

The steps before eating it. Yeah, after you kill it, what are the steps you have to do before eating it? Oh man, this is a good one. The steps before eating it. Yeah, after you kill it, what are the steps you have to do before eating it? You skin it, then you take the meat off of it and you cook it. Wow, that's pretty simplified. Well, first you want... Can I give an answer?

Yeah, yeah. First of all, you have to skin it, You have to cut its asshole out down the bottom, cut out that cut out. It's up near the trachea. Right. You have to open it up and then you take out all the intestines. Try not to hit the bladder or the shit sack because that will poison the meat and then everything inside just pulls out. Yeah. And then you would you would process the meat. And then everything inside just pulls out. And then you would process the meat. Yeah, bingo.

Gut it, skin it, gut it. Yeah, you forgot gutting it. Oh, you think you're better than me just because you know how to kill an animal? No, I just knew that one. I wanted to jump in, I'm sorry. That's perfect. All right, ready?

Danny. Okay, yes. How long do you wait before stranded? How long do you wait before being stranded jerking off? Um, I think it's the first thing I do when I go on Instagram. I do it during the live. So you immediately you jerk off if you're stranded.

Yeah, I mean, I'll be very excited about the whole thing, you know. Danny, how long does it take? Seven days. Seven days. That is a real... You don't want to waste your fluids. Yeah, see Danny?

Danny would eat them. No, I learned you feed it to the fish. You've learned. Chumming the water. You've helped people today. That's it. Okay, well listen, man. I mean, you gotta check out his books right here.

This is the one I'm reading with Max. This is a great book for your kid. You do get a little potty mouth in there. I do. Yeah, you do a little bit. But it's actually who's laughing at it. You're pretty funny, dude. Yeah, your writing is really great.

It's funny and it flies by. This is the story about you and how you got to where you are and your belief system. That's the new one. And this is the new one that just came out and this book if you want to learn about everything you Trapping what you do when to jerk off how many days before you jerk off what to do with your jizz I mean everything's in here. Yeah, how to start a fire how to everything's in here. How to start a fire, how to... Shelters. Shelters in here. I mean, everything you need to know.

This is a good book to have in your house just to have skimmed through just in case something does go wrong. You'll have the ability to do something and not just die. And make sure you check those books out and check out his Instagram. Your Instagram is what? DonnyDust. And your is what? Donnie Dust. And your TikTok? Donnie Dust.

Check it out, he is awesome. His videos are great, very informative and entertaining. Bro, I can't thank you enough for coming on, man. We're gonna go to Patreon real quick. We have questions from the fans. If you wanna do Patreon, make sure you go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. We asked Donnie your questions from Patreon users only.

I wanna thank all you guys for supporting the show over on Patreon. Love you guys. If you wanna go see my dates, go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. All my dates are up there. Timonium, Maryland, I'll be there. New York, I'll be at the Gramercy doing the regs podcast Portsmouth, New Hampshire

We're gonna be at the Melanie tent with the regs on August 15th October I'm at Mike drop Comedy San Diego and a bunch of eight more dates coming up there soon So go there and my specials up there kill box up there for free right now Just go to punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly and guys what do you have you can come see me at comedy at verve in summerville New Jersey the third Thursday of every month and follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff follow me at Mike Fiusuarez I'll be with Bridge Voss at the West Nijak levity live at the beginning of June July sorry what's that and then the cheese show on YouTube,

if you wanna see a show about cheese, type in cheese show. There you go, he has a great show on cheese. I know it sounds weird. All right, so we'll see you guys next time on You Know What, Dude?