Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #551 | Keegan Tindall | Eating Dog Food

Episode Date: September 8, 2024

This week Bobby talks with Keegan Tindall about being being burned after getting hit by a drunk driver, his crazy family, and why his dad eats dog food. FOLLOW Keegan Tindall IG: KeeganTindall Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ #trueclassicpod Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://www.trueclassic.com/DUDE Support the show and get $50 off your Boring Mattress purchase with promo code DUDE at https://www.boring.co Support the show and use promo code DUDE on MyBookie to claim a bonus up to $1,000 on your 1st deposit. Get started at https://mybookie.website/DUDE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD.

This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, how are you ruining this? Where's the bar banner, man? Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show?

This is the original. The original. If you're going to be throwing down some bets this football season, you need MyBookie. Their sport book and casino platform lets you bet from anywhere, anytime. MyBookie makes it so easy that you don't even need to download an app. It's so simple to get started and so much fun. They even run contests where you can enter for as little as $1.25 and win up to 10 grand. You heard me right, 10 grand.

A buck and a quarter, you might be able to win 10 grand. It's awesome. I don't really gamble, I never did until my bookie made it simple, easy, and fun. I love it. It makes the game so much more exciting when I watch it. It's awesome. When you're done placing bets on your favorite sports team, try out their casino with blackjack, video poker, and even live lotto.

I love live lotto. Uh, it's so fun. It's such a great place. My bookie. There's no need to download an app. Just click the link in the show notes, sign up and you're ready to bet. Lock your future in now

while you're waiting for the season to begin and use promo code DUDE to claim a bonus up to 1,000 on that first deposit. That's DUDE to start the college football season off with house money. Don't ever miss out on the action. Bet anything, anywhere, anytime, only with my bookie. What's up, everybody?

It's Robert Kelly and welcome to the, you know, what? YKWD podcast. We're back at the Comedy Cell Studios above the world famous Comedy Cell. Thanks for Watching on YouTube if you're out watching on YouTube you want to watch the uncensored version You can go to where do we put that patreon.com? Robert Kelly. Yes, and also but if it gets really bad, we're gonna put it on punch up dot life That's our new go-to punch up dot live. Make sure you go there punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly We've put some of the episodes that YouTube poo-poos us on cuz YouTube sometimes

sucks We won't have to put up there cuz I said that but also make sure you hit the subscribe button if you're listening to this Make sure you hit the like and all that shit do something for this it's free entertainment and just hit the subscribe button like comment all that shit other than that we are here we have a guest I know I've seen you before he's a new young dude and he's here right now Keegan Tindall what's up there's good is a good intro was good note down a few brief i didn't know if you took a break i don't breathe that was really good

what's up man doing good what's up brother let's get out what's up with your face uh... market on the end of time now listed there yet so i'll have a proper proper every other i think it's fine listen and i am living, it's fine. I am a living setup, it's okay. You have, first of all, I wanna say this, dude. I do wanna talk about, I'm joking,

you gotta cut that out. That's terrible. You gotta leave it in now. If you're gonna say it to me, I gotta own it, dude, we gotta own it. Well, dude, here's the thing. I heard your story, you know, and I'm telling you, dude, look,

I can't leave the house without fucking, feeling fucked up about myself. Dude, you are from, I mean, I walked in, you're a stand-up comedian, you're killing it on TikTok, you passed it to seller. Cool. And you know, I heard that you had a crazy thing happen to you when you were a kid, and it's fucking nuts, man. Not a kid. How old were you? Three years ago, 19. ago? 19 it happened to you at 19 19. I'm 23 now. No shit

Yeah, and it's fucking crazy. Yeah, it's wild. All right, we're gonna get into all that dude But I where you from first of all, I'm from New Jersey like South Jersey South Jersey like ponytails and oh no shit like just like No central AC all just in the windows like that. Sticky feet out the window in the summer. Boots dry on the porch and that kind of deal. One pool in the neighborhood above ground. Yeah, there's a guy who like yells at his dogs hard.

Oh, like hard. Like, all right. Well, yeah. Yeah. And his kids and his wife. And for yeah, he's like not a fun guy to be around but God can he fix a car? Yes, and he doesn't even he eats like he fixes a car and his hands are still dirty They eat lunch with those dirty hands yours has a car under a cover that you never see and you never is it new Is it a classic? Yeah, but he never drives it and if it doesn't work. It's fucking your fault. Yeah And your family's there. Yeah, that's where my family's at.

You grew up there your whole life. Yep. My dad's the guy we just talked about. Oh, is he really? He's like ponytail, no sleeves in the winter. He's got like military shirts. He was never in the military. Really?

So three years ago, you fucking what happened? Tell me what happened. Let's just get out of the fucking way. Yeah, it's a story I've told a lot because it's just like it's like, because it's so new to everybody that I've like, every podcast I go on, it's like what happened? Let's get out of the way. I have told because it's just like it's it's like because it's so new to everybody that I've like Every podcast I go on it's like what happened. Yeah, it's uh, it was a drunk driver. Jesus I was driving down the road I was like I pulled out of a staples and I was like getting the speed as you do

Yeah, and then a guy at about 110 miles per hour comes and he hit my car and I fumbled like the car rolls And then explodes and then I crawl out ambulance comes and gets me put me in a coma wake up in the hospital go to rehab how many months how long were you in a coma two almost three months fuck man so went to sleep that's like steven seagal shit yeah I went to sleep in August woke up woke up in October and I've told this before but it's so funny that I gotta tell you, is my dad, the guy we just talked about, is I wake up from the coma,

I open my eyes, the first thing he says to me, because this is skin, this is called grafting, he goes, they put your sister's ass skin on your face. You know what I mean? He's trying to make me laugh, and I just start crying. I was like, no, what? Does it smell?

And then he goes, I'm so sorry, I didn't know that would make you cry. First of all, I love you, no, what? Does it smell? And then he goes, I'm so sorry, I didn't know that would make you cry. First of all, I love you, Dad. He's great. The fucking fact that he tries to break the monotony, add a little levity to the sit, you come out of a coma three months later and he cracks a fucking joke like that.

But dude, I can't talk, my eyes are barely opening. You know what I mean? You gotta respect it. You know where your funny comes from. Yeah, no, yeah. That's where your funny comes from. That's exactly where it comes from. I mean, dude, because you know what I mean? You gotta respect it. You know where your funny comes from. Yeah, no, yeah. That's where your funny comes from. That's exactly where it comes from. I mean, dude, because you know he was like,

should I say it, should I not say it? Fuck it, I'm going for it. I said it within like minutes. Oh my God. Like, I'm like, the world is different. I'm like, where's my body? Where's the rest of my body? I'm gonna say this right now, dude.

You're still fucking great looking kid, man. Thanks, man. I'm not kidding, dude. You're still fucking great-looking kid, man. Thanks, man. I'm not kidding, dude You're fuck. You're a great-looking kid man. Like that that whatever they did you look fantastic Bobby you should see the comments on on tik-tok. What is it? It's a lot of thirsty chicks Get a lot of DMs that are nice buddy. You're fucking first. Are you got a great backstory now? Yeah, right and the fact that you're still a great great looking dude, you're better than 98% of the comics in the fucking, that are doing it right now. Can you imagine if I had all of me?

I mean, look it, in this room, you're the hottest guy. Oh, dude, thank you. So dude, you blew up and you're still good looking. I didn't even care really. Really? I was like, I don't really give a fuck. Yeah. I mean, it must put everything into perspective,

though, that the fact that, I mean, I have a kid, and I worry about it all the time. Every time I pull out of something, every time I'm on the highway, my brain is like, dude, it could all, some asshole at any point could hit us and it's over. What makes me more sad is not even- Talking to the mic.

What makes me more sad is not even what happened to me, but like seeing my dad go through it. Because he's just trying to be a tough guy because he is that guy But he's just like, you know, he's like choking down tears all the time. It was wild Yeah, because dude man, you're kid man having a son you seem like a badass cool kid You seem to get a good relationship with them, you know, and I have like I have my son Maxie and I Goddamnit do I worry about him every second of the day. Every time we're doing something, every time we're in a car,

I don't do dangerous shit anymore. I don't wanna go parasailing. I don't wanna do any of that bullshit, you know, because I don't wanna. I can imagine, I mean, I don't have a, I've heard people talk about, you know, like, how much they love their children, and just seeing, like, how, he wanted to help so bad,

but you're just sitting there, you're like, I don't know what else to do. Cause I mean, like, I'm like, I'm on like, dilaudid and shit, so I'm high out of my mind. You know, I'm just like hallucinating. There were like a two month period where I was just constantly asking. I was convinced there was an alien in the room

the whole time. There was. I know. I'm just gonna let you know. No, I know. It was me. asking. I was convinced there was an alien in the room the whole time. There was. I know. I'm just gonna let you know. No, I know. It was me. No, I know. I was like, that fucking Bobby killed me.

Everybody was just me. Yeah, and you left every time the other adults came. They're like, oh, he's having such trouble. So you had an alien in the room, and when they came, he left? Yeah. Was it he or they? Like the alien, there were multiple.

So there was also, there was a collage of me on the wall, like I've like of it's just pictures of me being like, look at remember that remember these images from our life? My sister set it up. And in my head, I created that. Do you ever seen the ring with the girl with the black hair? She crawled on TV. Yeah. In my head, she was pointing at that collage going,

you have to play this game and beat it. Oh, my God. or or you'll die But but I'm like sitting there. I'm like, what's the fucking game? I don't know the rules of the game and I'm like trying to focus and like it I almost made like Amazed like on the back of a cereal box like a maze in my head when I was solving at the same time while making it I was high out of my mind. It was crazy. Well, it was because of the pain, right? Because of the I mean his burns man is it's the worst. I heard high out of my mind. It was crazy. Well, because of the pain, right? Because of the pain, yeah. I mean, because burns, man. It's the worst. I heard it's the worst pain in the world.

It was wild. I mean, like, that's why they put me in a coma, because I was like, can I have more pain medication? They're like, you'll die. So they put you in a coma. They're like, let's just knock him out. He's annoying. And they just... God, stop asking so many questions, dude. So they put you out for three months so you could heal and get over the pain. Yeah, and then I wouldn't wake up. And then that was a problem. And then on my... I turned 20 while I was in a coma because it was so close to my... You had a fucking birthday?

Yeah. Did they celebrate it? Actually, today is what we call my birthday. My birthday. It happened August... it happened August 8th. It's four years right now. I'm telling you, I'm gonna tell you right now, your parents did a great job with you, dude. The fact that you can crack that joke, they did a good job.

You got good parents. Yeah, no, yeah, I do. I remember that day because- Why are you so much louder than us? Make us better. Why do you sound great and I can't even hear him, but the fucking autistic kid from Jersey is like, sounds like fucking Howard Stern.

Why? Why? What the fuck, man? He sounds, doesn't he sound so much better? No, you sound awesome. Am I crazy? It does sound amazing. He sounds crystal clear and me and you are like down here.

Yeah, we're like down here. Yeah, we're way down here. Turn us up. Turn you fucking down. Danny. We're turning. We're doing that. I mean, Danny, come on, dude.

Chop, chop brother. Let's go. This is what he did. He didn't even test the mics. No, that's no. Did you test the mics? We did. Yeah.

Yeah, whatever, dude. They didn't test. Lying to our face. All they do is test, test. I hear it. Lying to all three of our faces, brother, come on. All right, you just turned him up, right? Yeah, can you hear me? Yes, I'm up. He's up, now what about me?

We up. What about the guy? We're putting you all up. Whose name is on the show? We up. Yeah, that's much better, I couldn't even hear you. Yeah, no. Yeah, okay, that's a lot better.

It's a lot better, and I think Danny Braff needs to do his fucking job from now on. Well, he's doing it. He's not really his job. He got forced into this job. Did he really? Yeah, we can't fire the other guy. The other guy just wasn't even putting the show up.

Oh, really? He wasn't recording it. Oh, that's amazing. Yeah, he was just doing audio. Dude, good for you, Danny Braff. We had $7,000 million worth of cameras, and he was like, yeah, I forgot to hit that button. So he had to go.

I didn't know. And I love Max Max laughed at everything. Danny laughs at weird shit. Freaking Danny, dude. So, dude, on on he was saying is on his birthday, I was opening for Rich Voss with two of Keegan's close friends. Yeah. And we got we were in the car ride back to my house. They were dropping me off and like Keegan's one of Keegan's best friends calling got a phone call, I think, from your mom. Yeah she called everybody. It was fucking crazy. For your birthday? You thought you were gonna die. Because I was like exploded and

I was like dying. I was dying. I was actively like being no longer a lot and then that's why the cops came with me in the ambulance because they were like oh this's going to die. And then they saved me. I'm like, let's figure it out. But I turned 20 in a, it's August 8th, my birthday is August 29th. While I was in a coma, my lungs collapsed from pneumonia. Yeah. Oh, jeez.

But they uncollapsed. What is it called again? Pneumonia. Pneumonia? Is that what it's called? I don't think so. Pneumonia, mypneumonia. Your mama.

Both of our moneys. Dude, is it your mom? I think it's no more. It's no more. No more pneumonia. Yeah, it's all right. And you should know that because you're a gnome. What do you guys know, dude? Yeah, try to educate me with science. I'm a pneumonia.

Is that a word? I don't even know what you were trying to do. You make those videos with yombs. Yeah, I do. Hey, man, shut up. Listen, hey, Danny Braff, shut up. He's burying the lead. Danny doesn't do a podcast.

He's doing a podcast. He's doing a podcast. He's doing a podcast. He's doing a podcast. He's doing a podcast. He's doing a podcast. He's doing. Hey Danny Braff. Shut up. He's burying the lead Danny doesn't do a podcast We're talking about you almost dying. He's like, what about the end part? Why don't you settle down you fucking asshole? Theaters like I don't let skip ahead do Deadpool wins dude. That's crazy so so

Your mom must have been out of her mind, though. My mom was out of her mind. She was, you know, she, I don't know, she was like, they all tried to be somebody else, you know what I mean? Like my mom tried to be calm. My mom's a very crazy lady. She tried to be calm.

And my dad, like you could tell everybody, they're all maniacs. Like I have videos of my sister that she made at the hospital. My dad just blasting Kid Rock in the parking lot and getting yelled at by the staff. I don't know why he was doing it. He's got this big convertible truck.

He's blasting Kid Rock to pump himself up to go see his kid. But then he comes in and he's like trying to be calm and you can tell it's like not working and stuff. Tell you what, man, the worst thing is when you get the phone, people think the phone call, they died is bad. That's not the worst. They're hurt or they're sick is bad.

Because that's like a prologue. How do we do? How do we deal? You know, what are we going to have to go? Everybody's life, someone passes away, you know? Yeah. It's like my grandmother died, it sucked, it was sad, but people die and then you get over it and then you go back to your TV shows.

Yeah, exactly. In like three weeks, you're back to Yellowstone. With somebody sick, it's like you gotta watch a TV show and worry about them. Well, you can't watch it, you gotta watch it in their hospital bed. Oh yeah, your fucking phone with your AirPods on. Hopefully they got it, you know what I mean?

Ton of fuck, oh yeah, they got three channels on there. And it's fucking, Nickelodeon cartoons are awful. What hospital you were in? I was in Robert Wood Johnson for a little bit. And then I went to St. Barnabas because they had a great burn unit. Yeah. Did you have to make friends with other burn people?

No, that place was so sad. That was the saddest place. Well, I mean, what did you think? You're gonna go in there and everyone's gonna be partying? It was brutal. It was bad, right? You know what? Some of the nurses were mean too. What? Yeah, they were like, had an attitude.

Like, I'd be like, I don't know where I am. And they'd be like, fucking shut up, dude. No way. No, yeah. There was, okay, I always get nervous telling this because I feel so bad about it. But I was on so many drugs and there was a there was a really short like this tall man nurse a small person yes okay and then he mean it yeah if you want to do it I'm grandfathered in midget go ahead are you brother did I'm from the 80s he like his dad he was I

can say the n-word if you want exactly no if you want to throw it together yeah just kind of intersplice I call my wife abroad. Yeah, no. I can get away with it. Oh yeah, no fair. He walks in and I'm on so many drugs that I go, who's fucking kid is fucking with me? I'm not joking.

And he was the sweetest guy ever. He would try to give me ice cream and shit and I would be like, get away from me. Because in my head, this kid is trying to give me needles. You know what I mean? You thought you were in Oz? Yeah, that's what I thought. I was like, why are you in here?

We have to give you this pain medication. We are the Andy Stripe Kids. That's funny, dude. That's fucked up. I'll tell you a story. Artie Foquah, because I had another you know already and Tracy Morgan. Yeah, they all got in though that crazy car accident with a Walmart truck. They were in there Whatever it's called little limousine right coming back from a gig in the back of this thing

Mercedes big limo party bus having a blast and Walmart truck guy fell asleep just plowed in wow and 80s, big limo party bus, having a blast. And a Walmart truck guy fell asleep, just plowed into him. Wow. Head on? From behind. Okay.

They were in traffic. Yeah, that'll get you. And he just came at like whatever, 70 miles an hour, and they were all fucked up. And one guy died. Wow. But I, Artie Foquod was was fucking brain was fucked up, right? So we went and visited him in the hospital

and Artie's the best, nicest guy in the world. Always like, what's up? Energy's crazy. You know, you've probably been brought up by him. And when we walked in. Oh, that's Artie. Artie Foquois. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, yes I have.

So we walked into the unit that he was in and he's sitting there and he's so out of his fucking mind on whatever they're giving him and his brain. He's just taking his hog out and flipping it over. So me, I think it was me, Norton, and somebody else were in the room and he's just taking his dick out and he's, he's like, yo, what's up with the seller, man?

And he's just flipping his hog, like, yo, dude, put that away, and it's huge. It's like my arm, and he's just flipping it. And then the nurse was in there, this old black woman, she's reading the paper, she has to be in there with him. She's got like a wig, and he's like, because we're at the table, we make fun of each other. And he's like, yo, man, look at this fucker.

Look at this motherfucker over here. Fuck you. And he's taking his dick out, was just whipping it right and then he He goes look at this Look at this James Brown looking motherfucker We all because she looks Do we hit the fucking floor, but he was just We were on the fucking floor we're trying to keep my shit together

That's hilarious. Look, and this lady, she was so nice though. She just flipped the paper and went, mm-hmm. All right? I mean, what are you going to do? You know? That sucks. What are you going to do?

You're hanging out. You thought a little midget was coming in to give you fairy juice. What if he was? What if he was like a leprechaun and he's going to save you? Then I fought him off good. You fought him? Then I fought him off good, dude him and I fought him off. It's fun good, dude I had every ounce of strength. I used I pulled my dong out too cuz I am you got a big piece

I have not one not a flip around good for you could just wiggle it It wouldn't have been like you could do this. Yeah, exactly. Yeah party was doing this. I could give it a flick Yeah, I don't know if I have that in me, dude Yeah, he was flipping it. I uh, a, oh, it was so hot in there, and they just had like a box fan set up on a stool. No shit. So, it was just... They don't have AC?

No. What the fuck? Or maybe, it was like... Maybe you were just hot. It was like withdrawals, so I was like... Nothing? Nothing? Nothing?

Maybe you were just hot? Yeah, no, yeah, no. You just got burnt. No, yeah, it's funny. Yeah, no, it's hilarious. I'm sorry. No, I'm a setup. I'm sorry. Hey, it doesn't work. No, yeah, it's fine. But I just got so hot that I pulled my dong out. Nice.

And I just let the fan in there just, and a box fan just hit me. Yeah, Artie was using it as a fidget spinner. That's hilarious. More so than a. It's so funny to cool guy with your dick, just like, yeah, what's up, dude? Yeah, what's up?

What's up with this motherfucker? Fidget spinner just. Is your mattress really boring? It should be. When it comes to your sleep, you want what works, not weird sales gimmicks. Boring mattress has you covered with the most boring basic mattress on the planet. That's right, they only sell one mattress. No silly online quizzes. Just get a boring mattress and get the shopping over with.

I hate, hate shopping for mattresses. There's all this, this and this and the that and the pillow top and the terry and this and that one's from this company and that and the guy and they try to up your, and by the time you walk out of there, you spend so much money, it doesn't make sense. This mattress is made with high quality foam and motion reducing springs.

You're gonna sleep like a baby. Trust me, they even have a 99 night trial. So you can test it before you commit. You can't beat that. Want a mattress that's better than it seems at a price that makes sense? Try Boring Mattress at boring.co. Get 50 bucks off with promo code dude.

That's promo code dude at boring.co for 50 bucks off your purchase. So how long were you in the hospital for? I think it was, it was like three-ish months in the regular hospital and then it was four months in a children's rehab. Wow. So it was like six-ish months total.

And you had to make friends and these people, you're part of your life, right? Yeah, the hospital I was more pissed off because I was like, this was a point where I was like, it's actually where I wrote a lot of my first five because I was so- Were you a comic before this? So I always made like comedy movies. I wanted to be like Adam McKay, like Will Ferrell kind of guys.

And then in college I got into standup and I loved it. And then I did like four Mike's pandemic hits. Mid pandemic I start making a movie, like when it's starting to be okay to go outside, hit by the car. God damn it. And then I get out and I'm like, I don't want to show my face on camera, because it was really bad at the time.

It was like red and out to here. So I'm like, I think the only thing I'm comfortable with is getting on a stage, because I just gotta be funny. Let me tell you something brother. Do you know what balls that... Oh, thank you. I mean, dude, when I got a receding hairline,

I didn't want to do fucking comedy. I mean, seriously, man, vanity is such a big thing in this business. I just had to. I just like had to do something, because I was like, you know, I sat there and I was like, all right, I kind of want to give up. I kind of don't want to do this anymore. And then I like, I knew, I knew it was going to be hard.

So I took a few months to make a choice where I was like, what am I going to do? Yeah. I went through the whole period was like, I'll be a script guy. I'll be a behind the scenes guy, but I just had to do it. How was that? What the first, the first time on stage, I mean, in your head, were you like, you're looking at me, did you acknowledge it? Well I felt like, when I first went up in a mic I felt like the please be funny, because everybody saw I fucked up. I wasn't. Well look dude, I came in, I met you for the first time today officially.

Yeah. I mean that's why I opened with that, because comics it's like let's just fucking get it out of the way like your dad. It's so much better. I lived with, I still live with the guy. I live with comics. I went back to college and they were comics too. And they were the only people to treat me normal.

They were the only people that would make fun of me. You know what I mean? That's literally what I needed. Everyone else was like, you're amazing, you're a hero. And I'm like, fucking back off, please. Get out of my face, I will kill you. I do have a gun, I will shoot you and I will stab you. Did you have a gun?

No. Oh. I'm out of it. Okay well I got guns. Yeah. If I could borrow one I only need it for a night. No dude I don't want no what the fuck are you talking about? I need it for an hour tops.

Buddy listen to me bro you. Fifty minutes to talk myself into it. You don't like that stop dude were you fucking stop I don't want I don't want this as evidence in your fucking case. Eight minutes to put some towels down because I'm not an asshole. Dude God doesn't want you there yet. I hope not too. Were you fucking? I don't want this as evidence in your fucking case. Eight minutes to put some towels down because I'm not an asshole. Dude, God doesn't want you there yet. I hope not. No. Buddy, do you understand what the fuck happened to you, bro?

No, I know. It's like- Most people this would- if that happened to me, I'll tell you right now, dude. I'd fucking- I'd go on a GoFundMe. I've already talked about this in my head. I've already planned this. If this happened to me, you'd get a fucking sad, crying fucking GoFundMe. I need your help. I'd fake it. Even if I could, I'd be like, I need your help.

I'm sorry I can't talk jokes anymore, but I just bought a house and I need you to, if you could, anything, a dollar, five, 10,000. My goal is $ five million dollars for me to live comfortably for the entire time. I'm sorry. I would fucking buy an island. What's that Russian? Is that Russian? That was a hair lip slash retarded. That was like fortnight. It was a chick I dated a long time ago. I was drinking cock, I was drinking off of soap. Soap?

Buddy, seriously, I've thought about this, you know, where if something happened, most people would be like, I'm out. I'm tapping out of whatever the fuck I was about to do, I'm going to go do this now. I was on the edge of that. I was on the edge of... What fucking made you go, I'm going to go do... Of all things, the edge of that. I was on the edge of. But Brian, what fucking made you go,

I'm gonna go do, of all things, stand up. On stage, social media, all this shit. I just couldn't, I always like, in the back of my head I always knew I wasn't, like I was like, I'll be a behind the scenes guy, but I always knew, I'm like, I'm gonna try. I've wanted to do movies and comedy forever. And the idea of completely giving it up,

it just shattered me. So I was like, all right, I know it's gonna be shitty. I know I'm now a guy that has to go through, like I was never a guy who got stared at or never a guy who like, cause people are, some people are fucking just, ah, different. Like that's how they like, they'll do that.

And I was like, I knew it's gonna be that road and I just kind of made the choice. I was like I'm just gonna do it and then yeah, I had a good buddy Devin he's a comic and he just like he took me to Mike's I went to Mike's with him We started grinding the burn jokes were doing the good the non burn jokes were doing good And then just kept doing it couldn't not did so you acknowledge it right up front Or do you wait or do you do a couple at first? I at first So you acknowledge it right up front, or do you wait, or do you do a couple of? At first I would acknowledge it right away. What would you say? I would say, I think for a while I was doing a shitty joke

about like I know what you're thinking is a new haircut. But I have like a, I always say. I know what you're thinking, it's hot outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would always start with like I'm a burn victim, and then I'd start with my eyebrow joke where I'm like it's a weird injury because my eyebrow grew back just a little bit slanted up which makes most people be like, hey man, do you have a question? And I do. It's why God? That's funny. That's what I would start with. All

the stuff that I tried a lot of these jokes out on, um, on my nurses in the Children's Hospital. No shit. Cause I was, it was, it was really even the little guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. It's good. And he had a pinwheel and I'm like, but it was on his hat. Yeah. He's distracted by, he rolled up on a, on a tricycle and he skirt. He always had suspenders. Yeah. Exactly. It's snapping when he left and he click his shoe. always had suspenders. Yeah, exactly. He'd snap him when he left and he'd click his shoe. He never even walked out the door. I just saw him jump and click his shoes

and he'd poof into the air. A fucking pinwheel. Oh, why is that such a little person thing? Big ass lollipop. A lollipop? Big lollipop. Selling newspapers on the corner. Myth to myth.

Yeah, but I would like, it was the most fun I've ever had because I so didn't give a fuck. It was the most, I did not care what people thought of me. I was so over life that I was just throwing out so many jokes that I basically wrote my first five in the hospital. Right. Yeah. Do you still have to do those, do you think,

or do you just not do them anymore? I don't start with them anymore. But they're in there. Are you acknowledging? Because look man, when somebody goes on stage like You know, this is a terrible comparison. Like if somebody had some a booger on you come out Yeah, and you know and they don't acknowledge it It's like what the fuck. Well, I mean, I mean not to say no. Yeah mean, not to say this is way worse. Most people don't even like, especially if you're far, you kind of don't notice it right away. Yeah. I've seen you on stage from the TVs downstairs. Yeah.

Can't even see it. That's the thing. So I'll start with... And when I walked in, dude, I didn't even see it. You slowly notice it. And you know why that is, right? Because of your fucking energy. You don't have fucked up energy. Yeah, you don't You should have did that. Wow, you should have walked in and be like I was on a cane for a while a cane. I had a cane. Do you have a pimp cane?

well, cuz I yeah, no I had one with a sword in it and I'd make a lot of threats I had a Cuz my my I also my back got hit so hard that this foot got like semi paralyzed. It like came back, but this foot would not move. So I had a brace and a big boot. So I went from not walking. I went from, I went from wheelchair or power wheelchair to regular wheelchair to like a walker to a cane. And then after like six months of the cane,

I learned to walk again. You had to learn on that foot how to walk as the feeling came back. I had to learn to walk again, yeah. God damn it, dude. And then, yeah, what they would do is I had extra bone growth in my leg, which I don't know why that fucking happened,

but it did, of course it did. Because you're part lizard. Yeah, exactly, yeah. I'm a monster. But what they would do is they would it like made it so my knee didn't bend all the way. Like your knee bends like that. My knee bends like it would bend like to that. And they would essentially like just like a crab. They'd go and they'd just make it pop. They'd make it like pop every day. Really? It was that. And then it

was occupational therapy for months, which is what they do is when your burn scar is like heal they need to mature Able to stretch so you can talk and eat So it's like me I stick my finger in your mouth and I just pull it as hard as I can and I do this To make sure that it doesn't every day I'm not like yeah Wow, cuz that that you know getting over all that shit and then having to go to the therapy, that's the tedious. Yeah, it was awful. Tedious every day.

Because you just want to fucking go home, you want to go watch TV. You want to go home, watch TV and just get on with your life, but you have to do that. I'm glad I stayed because I was like, I don't know why I was under the impression, because I was an adult in there. I could have just left. Right. But I was under the impression. But all the kids were there.

All the kids were there, yeah. I had had a roommate my 15 year old roommate. He was You know, yeah, it was a roommate with a 15 year old. So you had to clean it up. You had to keep it clean Yeah, yeah, but he had a broken leg. That's it. Yeah, exactly. And I'd sit there he go There with my fucking body my dad's watch giving me sponge baths and I'm like in like a wheelchair Fucking bod my dad's watch giving me sponge baths and I'm like in like a wheelchair fucking what a dad I was like my place. I remember one. I was like my playstations that work dad's hold up. You look at this This is fucking pain. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but um Yeah, it was fun. It's a good Danny just freaked us both out. Yeah, no, let's look at his shorts. Oh shorts are in a bathing suit

It's not his legs. He literally looks like every dad every Jewish dad in the 70s that brought his kid up to camp Having fun son So are you Italian yeah half Italian half Irish. Yep. Yeah me too, bro. What's up son? Yeah, dude I can best that's why you that's why you don't be a pussy. That's why we're getting along, bro That's why you don't be a pussy. We're not fucking pussies, bro. That's why you don't be a pussy. We're not fucking pussies, bro. Fucking grow up. What do you mean? You got fucking caught on fire, it's fine.

Don't be a pussy. Yeah. You get your sister's ass on your face. Exactly, that's hilarious. Laugh at that. Is that real? No. Oh, damn it.

They took it from my leg. Oh, they took it from your leg. That would have been fucking. No, dude, that would have devastated. Every time you show in the summer, your sister in a bikini, you'd be like, that's my face. Dude, it would have like, dude, I think that would have ruined me.

She'd be like, hey, kiss my face. Yeah, she was a trooper too. Like, does your kid have siblings? You have multiple children? I have older sister, younger sister, younger brother. Yeah, my sister's like stepped up because my parents are maniacs. And she's the only person that gets their maniacs, right?

So she's she was like 26 at the time and she like just like stepped up to the plate and was like hey Just so you know, this is what's happening. This is what's happening. This is what's happening Oh, so she she was the adult she was the adult right because they but dude, let me tell you bro That was falling apart. He was yeah, you can't I can't fucking I'm holding back Tears man. Just thinking of my little Maxie something every day. I have to push those intrusive thoughts out of my head every day because I'll be hanging with him and he'll come over and just put his arm around me and he'll say something funny and last night he was on the couch and I went down to give him a kiss, and I pushed down on his knee, and he farted,

but it sounded like I hurt his knee, and he just went, ow, dad, my knee! I was like, was that your knee? He goes, no, I farted. I was like, I started cracking up. Immediately after, I'm like, God, what if something happened to him? Yeah, well, you realize how one thing I saw

was how tough children are, because I was in the hospital I'm like walking around and I'm 20 but I see these like three and four year olds Yeah, who are just like, you know, their head is off and you're like Jesus you're just keeping trucking, huh? And they're smiling and like having a good I couldn't fucking imagine Going to school. I saw these kids have to like learn math. I saw another burned kid. He had about the same burns as me and he was doing math class.

And I was like, I can't imagine being forced to go to school right now doing this. Yeah, kids are strong. Kids got it in them, yeah. Kids are, yeah, because they don't, you know, plus, you know, what else are you gonna do? What else are you gonna do? It's a kid.

Yeah, exactly. Your dad has a job. No, you're fine. You got to fix that engine. Exactly. It's got stuff to do. He's got a lot on his plate. You'll figure it out. It's your mom work. Yeah. What she do like accounting, like money stuff.

So are you from like a middle class family? Right. Pretty poor. Oh, really? Like lower middle class. I grew up in a trailer for a little bit. Oh, you had you grew up in a trailer park. There's a little bit like after my parents divorce. My parents aren't together? No.

Fuck me, so your dad is with somebody else? No. He's alone? He's alone. That's why he's got a hot car though. You wanna hear something really fun? Yeah. You wanna hear something fun?

Yeah. You wanna hear something really fun? He's gay. Okay, no. Oh, fuck. That would've been fun. Not that fun. That would've been great.

I bet you'd hate me talking about it, but it is just a matter of fact, but my mom is currently married to my dad's brother. I'm sorry. What'd you say? My mom is you really grew up in a trailer park. Yeah, my mom is currently married to my dad's brother Okay, like so full brother. Yeah, like they grew up together. It's not her brother It's your dad's brother. My dad's brother. They were siblings. Yeah, is he older younger? I think he's older the my uncle. They were siblings. Yeah. Is he older or younger? I think he's older.

The, the, my uncle. How the fuck did that happen? Mom, I don't know. He has a ponytail too. Maybe it's just like a quick switch. Like it was like a not fool. Do you think she married? It's like when you want to transition to a new job, but you don't want to, you don't

want to go into a whole new genre of job. Yeah. It's like when, uh, Caitlyn Jenner, you know, just put a ponytail in in. Yeah exactly. And then eased and then murdered somebody and then became a woman. Same company different different different unit. Wow that's yeah it's really cool. But I grew up... Are you dad and your brother not talking because they hate each other? Well I mean your dad's got a case. My dad rules. My dad is a maniac but he like he's like the he's like the maniac I'm rooting for. Like he's like the like if it was a if there's a TV show about these guys, I think my dad would be

the guy that you like because he's got a little bit of that moral compass. Yeah. You know what I mean? He's called it's called Jesus. It's called Catholic school and church. He does shit like he he eats off of the pool table. I think that's pretty cool. That's great. It's really funny. Love that. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen. He's got a pool table. That's cool as shit. But he's like, don't put drinks on that, but he'll eat a cheeseburger.

He will put, not a plate, he'll put the cheeseburger down onto the pool table. Because the rings. Yeah, no, yeah. Yeah, look at all this. Look at all the sweat. You don't get a ring on the pool table. Yeah, exactly.

But ketchup's fine. Yeah, you can wipe that off. It's a little stain. Bobby, ask the weirdest thing his dad eats. Oh Yeah, I have a joke about it. What's the weirdest thing? You dad once texted me He was like he was like cuz my dad does this thing where he's like guys You don't get what I'm going through right now. Like he wants you to really know that he's tired That was my whole childhood was like guys. I'm so fucking tired from work. So one week. What does he do?

he he's like he like runs the maintenance out a school like so. He's like, he's not like mowing the lawns of the baseball field, but he's in charge of making sure those get mowed, making sure the the Spanish dudes mow it. Yes. OK, I gotcha. But he he one day he one day just goes, dude, I've been so sick. I've been having to eat dog food.

No. Yeah. He ate dog food. Yeah. Wait a minute. Why? Because he's sick, dude. Sick of what? Food? His stomach hurt. He thought dog food would help? Wait a minute, dude. What's going on, dude? This is unfolding in front of me. He ate the dog food and got sick. He was like, no, no, no. He was like, my fucking stomach hurts. I can't go get groceries. I got to eat what's left in the house. Dog food. Do you know what he was doing?

He was making his stomach work. He was saying, son, go get me some food. I was in fucking, I mean New York and he's in South Jersey. Well take a train, you cock sucker. He's got money. I don't know why he didn't order pizza. He doesn't have to use his phone. He went right, he does do that fucking... I tell you what though, dog food does look good once in a while

I mean, I've wanted to try it over the years. I'm gonna I'm gonna stick out for you dry or wet dude if my wife If my wife fucked my brother and moved in with him, I'd be like, yeah focus trash some dog food He's such a funny guy though, dude. I'm telling you right now. I was home alone a lot this summer. I would have ate dog food because it's so convenient. Listen to me. I used one spoon, one fork, one bowl, one cup, one knife all summer long. When I was alone, that's all I needed. If you threw dog, Alpo into the mix, like one of those good, how about the Fancy Feast?

I would have tried cat food. I just know what he's doing he's sitting at the computer that's in the living room he sleeps he has a bedroom by the way he sleeps on the couch yeah he loved I would do the same thing it's guy life he gets computer he's probably in those basketball shorts it don't fucking fit he's just going fucking kids don't give a fuck that I'm eating dog food he's eating dog food god damn he's not doing it anymore. But thank God. How do you know? He quit. He quit dog food?

He's trying to quit. Does your mom know about this? I don't know. Did they get along? I don't know. I mean, I talk about it on stage, but I doubt she saw it. They got along when I was in the hospital and they were in the waiting room for so often and they were like,

he's dying, let's not be assholes to each other. Yeah. But they really don't like it's just like there's such touchy subjects those two It's like just call separate, you know. Well, yeah, there's a lot of weird shit going on Yeah, what about your the his brother with did he come visit you? Are you cool with him? So I saw He's fine. I mean he's like you're not you don't like it. I don't like it's weird It's just your uncle's fucking your mom. It's like a weird vibe that like I can't say I wonder I'm actually curious If my mom were good her feelings hurt by me saying it out loud because it's almost like we're not saying what that my mom is Married to my dad's brother. She would like it's like I can't believe you said it on this podcast who gives it

I mean, I mean, come on dude. It's like it's You're almost you go and there's a vibe of like don't bring it up though Well, because it is a look it you a, look, you can't help who, you can't help who you fall for. Yeah. I believe that. You can't help it. What are you gonna do?

You help it a little. I mean, first of all, your father's eating dog food. I'd leave him too. No, come on, dude, he's sick. I'm sure she will. At least she upgraded the Elio's Pizza in a house. But my dad's a funnier guy. Of course he's a funnier guy.

My dad's a more fun guy. My dad actively gets in trouble from the community for scaring cars. What? So he loves Halloween. He loves Halloween decorations. Leaves them up all year. I love him. I love your dad. He'll, I'm not joking dude, he'll take Halloween masks like at nighttime go rah out behind trees at cars. That's great. And that's just like what he does. He's gonna get shot but that's great. And that's just like what he does. And he's gonna get shot, but that's great. Like you'll see like, there's like a community Facebook group and you'll see people being like,

what's up with the fucking zombie baby on the car at 138, you know. What if that little guy wasn't a little guy, it was your dad. Yeah, it could be. Dressed as midget costume. On his knees? That's crazy.

So your mom, so you get along with your mom though. I get along with my mom. I tried to. Is your mom with your sister or is she on her own? My mom's. I mean your sister with your mom. My sister is getting married. She's with her fiance. She's getting married today. Just them two. They're getting married today. Just them two. They didn't want a wedding. Congratulations. Her and her wife getting married today. She's a lesbian. Yes. Your life is literally. It's really cool. I mean, dude, it married today. She's lesbian. Yes, your life is literally it's really cool I mean dude, it's wild school. Your life is why I didn't even live in a trailer with my my uncle and my mom I lived in a trailer with my mom and my grandma. I'm gonna throw up. What's my grandma?

What grandma used to name her she would name her cats after her multiple boyfriends So you'd be giving tuna to like John Paul and then you'd meet John Paul and he does just nothing in his mouth. There's no teeth. Buddy. Listen, there was no choice for you. Either you're going to kill yourself or become a standup. There's no choice for you. Do you understand what I'm saying? It's wild. Yeah, I know. I mean, have you written a show about this? Are you going to do anything with this? We're doing shows right now, but like, uh, we are writing something? It's wild. Yeah, I know. I mean, have you written a show about this? Are you gonna do anything with this? We're doing shows right now,

but like we are writing something. It's not about this, but it's like with the vibe of those people. But God, do I love going home. And it's like, it's almost what you grow up with. It's homey now. Get your wardrobe on point with True Classic. Designed to accentuate your best features,

True Classic shirts are tailored for a perfect fit, snug in the arms and chest, with just the right amount of room in the midsection. They even sell t-shirts, hoodies, jeans, and more in three, six, or nine packs. So you'll never have to stress about what to wear. I tell you guys about this all the time. Look it man, none of us have Brad Pitt's stomachs

from Fight Club, it's not gonna happen. All right, you're in shape, you're a little chubby, you have a little puff, whatever. These t-shirts, it's all I wear. The V-necks, the crew necks, I have them all. I have so many, I usually get the nine pack now because they're the best. They fit up top nice and snug.

Your arms, your shoulders, your chest looks good. And then it hangs down a little. It gives a little more room in the belly section. So you don't have to stretch your t-shirts out like a sundress. The jeans, I'm wearing them right now. They're great. They fit, they have stretch.

They feel comfortable. They're awesome. I have the sweatpants stretch, they feel comfortable, they're awesome. I have the sweatpants, I have the hoodie, I have it all. And I'm telling you, I don't care what shape you're in, if you're a dude, get true classic. All their clothing is made to mix and match, so getting dressed in the morning can finally be quick and easy.

They even have 100% perfect fit guarantee, a super easy return. Okay, that's it. 100% and super easy to return if you don't like it, but you will, you won't return them. It's all I own. It's time to look and feel your best with True Classic. Right now you could unlock big savings when you bundle items site-wide. just go to my exclusive link at true classic dot com slash dude to save That's true classic dot com slash dude shop now and elevate your wardrobe today My dad this is so much fun. My dad lives with a man right now. He's gay. No

Oh, he lives with a co-worker of his. What? He's, the guy is 70 years old, his name is Bones. And are you lying? I'm not kidding. Do I? Listen. I'll get a picture of Bones today.

Bones? Bones? Dad. When my dad, Bones' dad was like, to my dad, he was like, just watch after Bones. Because Bones is a little bit like of mice and men like lenny a little bit like it's like So my dad lives with a i like french fries. Yes. I'm not kidding. That's so close I like dog food. That's so close to who he is. Is that why your dad started eating dog food?

Who's fucking like because bones was doing it and bones got in trouble So this 70 year old man lives around my house And my dad's kind of watching over him, kinda. This is gonna end bad. And Bones got caught hiding knives around the house. What? He was hiding like machetes and shit around the house. Because he's afraid of your dad.

Could be. 100% he's afraid. My dad's a hothead at times. Yeah, he's afraid of your dad. Yeah. So he's hiding, I do that with my wife. Uh huh. I do. Yeah, yeah my wife. I have knives hidden around the house under the table in case this bitch snaps. I'm a fucking defend myself. Yeah. Big knives.

Yeah. Yeah, dude. 100%. Yeah. He's, he's that's, um, that's definitely, he's afraid of your dad, dude. Bones is scared. Bones is kind of in charge of like walking the dogs too. And bones is like, it's like just this mean dog that pulls him and he's like, like, you know, he's seven years old falling over. It's like, oh my God. It's really cool. So your dad lives with Bones, your mom's with your uncle

and your sister's married to a woman. Yeah. And where do you live? I live in Jersey City Journal Square right off the path. Who do you live with? I live with two other comics. You do, young guys like you? Yeah, young guys, yeah.

Coming up? My age, yeah. And at the cellar, are you passing them? Are they all jealous of you? Yeah, I'm passing, I mean, I am passing them a little bit, but it's not like, I don't like, I'm not like rubbing it, like I don't mean to like, but yes. Are they making excuses?

They're funny though. Yeah, they are funny? They're funny, if they push themselves, they'd be Are they making excuses? They're funny though. They are funny? They're funny. If they push themselves, they'd be, they'd be. They don't push themselves enough? See, they're not like, I do wish they were a little more obsessive. Obsessive, yeah, well they didn't get burnt.

Yeah, like I'm trying to make up for missed time here. Listen man, you had a life experience where you were like, what the fuck am I gonna do? And that does go, I don't give a shit. You gotta, I don't fuck it, I'm going for it. Life's, that was almost over. I went like, once I'm like, I am gonna do this, I went in, like I was like, this is what I'm doing.

This is a funny thing too, is you, I mean dude, you forget about it in two seconds in talking to you. I didn't even notice it anymore, honest to God. Because of your attitude, because of the way you are. You're a funny guy, but you're also, you don't give a fuck. Yeah, I mean, is there, if I exist the other way, it's gonna suck.

It's gonna suck for me, cause I'm gonna have to be fucking. Yeah, and that, literally that, I notice when I'm just a guy, people forget. Forget immediately, nobody gives a fuck. Which is why I can do non-burn jokes up top. Right. Do you have, now, I heard chicks love you too. They're nice.

They love you. They're nice. I have a girlfriend. You have a girlfriend? She's great. Is she mad that all the girls love you on TikTok? Cause I heard you're a TikTok sensation. Well, she is also. She's a TikTok sensation? Did you meet her on TikTok?

We did. We saw each other's video and Instagram. I'm a throw up. And Instagram. Are you guys an influencer couple? No, we're saw each other's video and Instagram. I'm a throw up. And Instagram. Are you guys an influencer couple? No, we're not. Well, I just post. She a comedian?

I post sketches. She's funny, but she's not like a standup. She's like, just as like, she's like weird, like Aubrey Plaza, like collects bones in the woods and. Like she's obsessed. Who booked this? Am I going to fucking have to get a seance to get this?

She's got a collection of purse clowns. What? It's amazing. I love her. She's great. Really? She's hot? Yeah. Yeah. So she's a hot weirdo? Yeah. That is cool. Exactly. I do like that. Yeah. Right. Exactly. You like a hot weirdo? Yeah. She's great, dude. I love it. You have to hide knives around your apartment? Yeah. No, I like, I actually show them. I'll be like, Hey, I'm putting a knife here for you if you need it. Hey, Bones told me to do this. I'll actually show them I'll be like I'm putting a knife here for you if you need it. Hey bones told me to do this Yeah, I don't even know why bones is named that I mean, that's not his real name It's like I tell you why cuz all the fucking hooker bones

He's hitting around the South Jersey bones has been known to go to a bunch of strip club. He's killed people Yeah, yeah, that's a that job is I've murdered people. I got away with it Let me see if I can just ride out the rest of my days and fight off the desire to kill other people. I would pay to see Bones' like origin story. Oh yeah, well I can tell you right now he's murdered hookers all over this country. Okay yeah, cool. And then he had like a come to Jesus moment and he got a job and now he's... And then you'd be like, you'd be like, Bones, did you murder hookers? And he'd just be like, he'd pretend not to know what you're talking about.

Oh, he'd kill you. That's what he would just go... Oh, okay, yeah. You'd be like, hey Bones, you ever kill him? Yeah. And he'd just be like, I'm sorry. He's like, fuck a new life again. He's like real smart. He's like secretly really smart.

He's like, fuck, and he pulls off the wig. Kaiser Soze. Fake mustache, and he's like, new fucking ID, new passport, dude. I have to kill you now. Yeah, exactly. Because you found out my secret. That's exactly who he is.

I've murdered people all over Europe, and I came here for a life that I desired my whole life and you've ruined it. Yeah, dude, that's okay. You must go. Dude, are you bones right now? I am bones. Are you being bones right now? I am the real bones.

Maybe that's the show. I cannot not talk like this now because I feel like I'm doing well. Dude, you killed it. I'm killing it. Yeah. What if I just killed you? And murdering me. So dude, so you have this TikTok thing.

I tried, I got one. I think you have to be, do you hear something? Danny's fucking with something. Danny, what is that? What is that? I'm turning sound off, sorry. Danny, what is it? It was a notification on the computer.

I thought I was fucking having a stroke. I heard piano keys. I'm like, I heard things. Got a fucking keyboard back. I'm stimming right now. I thought it was my spinal cord disconnecting from my brain. And I just fade out. I was never really real. And then bones. Yeah. Hello. Hey, welcome. So you have this tick tock dude. And you're famous on tick tock Instagram tick tock. Are you how many Instagram followers you have? Instagram's 350,000. Can you help me?

Or 370,000. I can't get dude I fucking plateaued. Yeah. I've been looking at a six for three years. Really? Yeah I've been looking at. What are you at? Oh fucking bullshit.

And I and and nobody this is the thing with this social media stuff, right, I've had people help me who are very successful at it, but they won't give you the key key. Like I feel like they're holding shit back. So what I do is I'll use, I love TikTok because it's where I started, but what I'll do is I'll like, I'm less afraid of the criticism from TikTok, so I'll use TikTok to see what's good, what will take off,

and if it takes off, I'll put it on Instagram, and if you're posting consistently good stuff, it'll just, it'll work. I mean, sometimes, it's low points and high points. Yeah. If you have one take off, you gotta post the next day. The, Danny. Yep. You remember that? Yes.

He told me, dude, we should let this ride. No. Let the- Fuck! While it's on its incline. At least that's what works for me. I will say- This is what I hate from you guys.

You always do that shit. At least it's what works for me. Well that's what I'm saying. You know what works. Talk to anybody. Write it down and tell Danny. Talk to anybody and it's different for people. Bobby, you should consider getting into a car accident and maybe burning buddy

You don't think I think of that every time I'm driving into the city to do this show Just smashing into the Hudson use your brain Danny god, dude God, he pisses me off. He makes me mad. Don't tell him to use his brain. He'll blow up this apartment Tell him to use his brain, he'll blow up this apartment. And we'll just be on the street. You'll be burned. Metal clunking. You'll be burnt again. Fucking Danny dude, and he's fine.

Yeah dude, I don't get it. TikTok, we had one big one on TikTok, and we had a couple big ones, but a real big one on Instagram. Well, stand up, you're doing mostly stand up, right? No, I'm doing like podcasting. Those are hard to get off the floor, because there's so many.

I do sketches. Like what type of sketches? I do, what I do is I do, they're very, you ever seen Always Sunny? Can I see one? Yeah. I love Always Sunny, yeah. Danny, let me give you one to pull out, Danny.

Oh, one of the ones you already sent me, or, could you pull out, did you find the moving one? The one with me and Connor? Um, there... What do you got? Oh, real quick! Did you dick get burnt? No. Oh, thank god.

Yeah. Nice. Awesome, right? But you sent me four, which one do you want me to send? Do you see the one with me in the black shirt? It's kind of out of focus. Yep. Dude, how psyched were you?

That's one that you could click. When you looked down and it was just there. I had a friend, this guy in this schedule C. Your friend sucked you off. Called me. Oh, sorry. And he was like, I want you to know. What?

Nobody told you your dick is okay. Oh, what a good guy. And he's like, I know you're thinking about it. Yeah. Your dick is fine. Oh, good. He looked at your dick for you? No, but he was like, he asked my mom.

He's like, is his dick fine? And then he- She's like, it goddamn is. He sent me- From my side of the family. He sent me a video and he was like, dude, because my sister was like, send videos to Keegan because he can't, I couldn't talk. I had a tube in my throat. Yeah.

So I just like, it was like, she was like reminding me the world was real. Yeah. So she's like, here's Connor. And Connor sent a video where he was like, hey man, I want you to know, nobody's told you this yet, your dick is okay. What a great feeling. What a great buddy, right? Did you go like this? I went, yeah.

You went. Well, I forgot you could be horny, I forgot about that. You got horny while that was happening? No, I forgot you could be. You had to remember. Like I forgot my, I saw Old School, the movie Old School, and it was the scene where they wrestle and I was like, oh yeah.

The guys? This is a, no the ladies in the pool. Sorry, sorry. Yeah. Where they goes, you're my boy blue. I was doing a joke. No, it's fine. Yeah.

You, you, no, no, no. Don't ever fucking say that to me. Don't ever fucking do that. Got it. I'm so sorry. Yeah. So this is real stupid, but it's, it's all. What is it?

Is it you? Make it bigger. It's all improv. Can you make it bigger? Yeah, one second. Don't say it with a tone, fuckface. And Danny, dude. I mean, we can't see it. He gets so mad so quick. No, he has a temper.

He has a shit tone. He has a temper on him. The only Danny I love is I just ate too much food and I'm stoned, Danny. Half of my life is hearing a conversation in the living room and it's Danny Braff on the phone with my roommate really rice or only we talk about danny it's rice or only that we like i love

rice or and you're gonna back about rice it's a san francisco trees weeks of class off its weeks of back off and no fair fuck me yet it's rice or only that's fine i can't eat anymore so sad but it's like how long can you talk about it if you look at his eyes? How close they are together? I know. I loved him in ice age. He was great. He's great as Sid. You fucking cocksucker.

Listen to me, bro. I've been trying to fucking put it together for so long, and you just did it. Wow. He is fucking Sid. He's Sid, dude. Oh, you got to bring up Sid when you're done, too. All right. Is this you? This is me.

So this is why do you look Filipino? This is a real stupid. Why do you look like Joe Koy's mom? Did you get me under the right light? And I'll do anything. You really do look a little fucking crazy. I'll do anything for you. Uh huh. I hit it. Can't hear it. Can't hear it. Can't hear it.

Can't hear it. Can't hear it. Hey, Big D. Hey, Big D. Can't hear it. Can't hear it. Can't hear it. Can't hear it. Can't hear it. Can't hear it. Can't hear it. Hey, Big D? Hey, Big D? Can't hear it. Big D, brother? Hey, Sid?

Can't hear it. Hey, Sloth, brother? Hey, can't hear it. Come on. Can't hear it. Can't hear it. Go back. There's already physical space taken up.

Go back. Redo it. It's all right. He's learning. The other guy. Didn't before I had to turn the sound. We don't care, Danny. That guy in that that you saw, that's the guy that called me and made sure I knew my dick was all right.

Oh really? That's the type of guy who I want. He's my boy, dude. That's the dude I want to know if my dick's all right. Yeah, exactly. What a solid fucking dude. Just Jack Harlow almost. Just a solid dude.

Some Puerto Rican fade. And he can put, you know how much empathy there really is in that to be like, I, he was like, I would worry about my dick. Funny. Let me tell my friend. Yeah. Hey pal, it's fine. It's gonna be okay.

Yeah. When girls blow you in the future, they're not gonna puke. It's not gonna be like, it's not gonna be like charred. Yeah. It's not gonna look like a melted sugar daddy. Might taste better. No, no, no. No fair. I have bad ideas, it's fine. No, you're gonna be,

hey, you're blowing my sister's ass. Hey Danny, is this your fucking job, bud? He's working it, dude. You gotta give Danny some slack. I can tell his tone is off already. You got it? What's he doing? I don't know.

You're on your phone. To be fair, well I'm trying to send him, I'm trying to help them out here You know Danny, what's the problem? With Instagram when you can't just go back to the beginning of the video to let it play again So I had to bring it over here let it play through and then start it over You know, it would be a great thing. Hey guys, I'm gonna let it play again. You guys talk for me I'll let you know when it's back. Yeah, that'd be nice. That would have been cool instead of just making us wait

But I like you Danny. I think you're a good guy. I think you have good ideas. I like Danny. I give good ideas. He does have good ideas. I like him, dude. I like I love a Danny Brown phone. Danny, do you like rice oroni? Big fan.

But it's like it's like I swear to God, they're talking about how much butter to put in it, like what? He's like, no, stop right there, dude. You don't want to put any more butter. It's going to ruin the rony part. It will. Yeah, they will. The butter thing. All right, here we go You don't want to put any more butter. It's going to ruin the rony part. It will. Yeah, it will. The butter thing.

All right, here we go. Ready? Click on whatever one, like literally. I don't even really care that aliens are real. Don't do this one. This one's gay. Which one? Tell him which one.

Do you want to like it with a real people? Danny, I'm sorry. Did I make you immediately? You immediately got the right. And then he has to go back. Click on the moving one. Well, I'm not saying we have to move apartments. moving there we go we don't pay rent had like two fires I don't know how he expects us to move a whole apartment physically possible I

don't get it man can you just call him hey mr. jiffy can you not yell like usual he's yelling immediately let me talk to him no we can't move to a new apartment because we moved the old apartment there there's already physical space why you sound stupid dude dude, we can't move to a new apartment because if we move the old apartment there, there's already physical space taken up by the new apartment. Hey, watch my own stuff. Why? You sound stupid, dude. I tell him. Dude, he just said to move to your parents'.

Mr. Magiffy, I can hear you're upset. Would you and men help set my mom would be if we pushed our apartment into her house? Hang up on that guy. I don't usually swear. You don't? No. Mr. Magiffy's a frickin' turd, dude.

Wait, dude, actually, I think I've been a little bit of a headway here. Wait. This was here, right? I'm not going crazy. No, you, mr. Magiff is a frickin turd. Wait, dude, actually, I think I've been a little bit of headway here. Wait, this was here, right? I'm not going crazy. No, you're not nuts Do we could do this? I think the way to do it you surprise the top by acting like you're gonna push the bottom that way the tops now bracing Kind of idea. So it's like some yep, dude, there's wires back here Let's just get a new apartment. Okay, let's go on. You know what I mean by pack, right? Yeah, get a bunch of dudes run around in the woods. Yep

Let's go. You know what I mean by pack, right? Yeah. Get a bunch of dudes running around in the woods. Yep. The landlord said we have to... So how many views is that? That is... Let me see.

I got it right here. That is... And that's one of our dumber ones. I can acknowledge that. That's 2.5 million. I hate my life. I quit the business. I'm out.

You don't like it, dude? You hate it? I love you guys. No, dude. Listen, it's funny. Can I play one that you'll like? Yeah, go ahead. Play one that I like. I'm a dirty old man. I'm like your dad.

Show me your daddy eating alpo. I'll fucking... Yeah, okay. Well, that was one of the ones... Some of them are dumb. They're really like... Buddy, I get it. Listen, man. You have to do it a certain way. You can't just go in balls in and fucking talk about pussy. This one? Let me see Okay, let it restart No, I get it dude. Listen the thing that happens on social media. So remember Vine? Yeah

When that first came out everybody shit on it people doing six-second things the fact that people were so creative that they found ways Yeah in six seconds to tell a story I always appreciate I always thought that was insane. I could never do it I didn't know how to do it. Uh-huh, but these people became famous and now they're like super rich They're super rich and you know, it's weird to see they're like adults now. Is this it? Yeah This is one. I like a lot. Let me see. Yeah, well my phone calls pretty important. This is our human life. I'm talking about I'm sorry, Colin. There's this guy across from me, and he has the dumbest mustache I had this really rude guy across from me you had a guy across from you. What's your guy look like? Oh my god, my guy has the dumbest smile. Really? Yeah

So stupid good. He's got brown hair. I hate with stupid smile at watch. He sounds like an idiot Hold on this guy's actually being loud now. Yeah chill funny dude. Yeah they get weird. They're like, we're trying to do like, you know, we like adult swim That's our thing. We like really weird doesn't make any sense. Yeah, they're like back and forth. I'm all for that shit Yeah, I like people fucking you know, just like you with your buddies that guy looks like Danny Braff's older brother that the parents like Uh-huh. Yeah, exactly. Yeah one that can actually do stuff around the house. I love that. That's Colin.

I always say he looks like Mario if he had two mushrooms. You know what I mean? He got really big, you know? Yeah, that's great. But I mean, dude, plus you're fucking, you guys are all young and shit. I think I'm too old to become famous. I would have to do something where I yell at my wife. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Like, where's the cheese? I'd love that. You know, something like that. Bobby Kelly looks like it's in the draw. Yeah. It's it's uh, I can't do fun whimsical. It's a cool. The internet's cool. It's like I do. I do these videos with a gnome sometimes. All right. Yeah. It's a garden gnome. What? And I'll do the voice. I'll do it like that. Um, I'll do the voice and it's me just talking

to this thing. And then this guy animated them. Buddy, I think I've seen one of your videos. Yeah? I think you came up on my ALGA. Oh really? Did I say it? Just raw? Raw ALGA? Dude, you came up raw dogging on my ALGA.

Dude, really? Dude, raw. I'm 100% sure. Oh, fuck. Do you have like a special thing? Did you give me flowers? Dude, I watched the whole clip. You raw dogged in my alga

And I watched it Danny you want me to send one to you send it over Danny I I'm pretty sure you came up you raw dogged in my alga dude, and I enjoyed it Okay, let me let me send one to you Danny breath. I Sent it to your personal Instagram just now. It's with me with a cup and in pajamas But some guy animated them and they were fucking amazing and it like took off. Really? Yeah, his name is Mitch. He lives in Brooklyn. Does it make money?

Uh, yeah. Do you make money off of all this stuff? Yeah. That's how I live. I'm sorry, what? That's how I live. And your dad's eating dog food. You're a piece of shit. You're a piece of shit. You're a fuck. I don't care.

He wants you to help him a little. But his fucking stomach is... Send him a pizza, you fuck! I think he fucking likes the dog food. He might. I think there's peanut butter, dude. Eat that, brother. I love that you're making money off of fucking... talking to your fat friend on a payphone,

and this poor guy's alone. His brother's got his wife. I had a dream I put something bad on the internet, poor guys alone his brothers got his wife people i really problem not sure i really didn't struggle with that he's not

nice post what now it's really bad to it and called me piggy, piggy thyroid boy. Well, that's not nice. Can I ask what the post was? No, it's really bad. You don't even want to tell me? I think you'd look at me differently if I told you. So now you're awake and you know not to post whatever that is, right? It's a good idea. It's the execution I can't help.

You know, when I adopted a gnome, I thought it would be more fun. What the, what the fuck, man? Where did that come from? Good to know you adopted me for entertainment. I thought you'd be more magical and like I want to run through the woods. It's just gonna get people to pick me up and poke me in the thyroid and make fun of it. Yeah but somebody's gotta be really angry to do that.

That's a really angry thing to do to somebody. Man I won't post it. Well at least run it by- what is it? I take my belt off and spread like butter. Oh okay yeah don't show you at a bad dream. Yeah so okay. Yeah, don't. Show you at a bakery. Yeah, so I do that with a gnome, and that's my life. Do you have to travel with a gnome? Are you worried that that's going to become your thing, and then you and the gnome?

I don't do a lot of them. Oh, you don't? I do them from time to time. How much do people love the gnome? They love the gnome. They love the gnome. They love the gnome. Are you going to sell that as merch?

You should have a gnome keychain. No, because you're right. Let me get in your merch. I don't want to. Let me get in your wheelhouse on the merch. Let let Papa King. Yeah. Let me take over. Piggy thyroid boy. Let me take up your fish. On a big fight.

What if that's what what if you became massive and I was your merch guy and I made my millions from your. Do you know how much it is to try to try to not be the burn guy and then end up accidentally being the gnome guy. Like it's like I try to get out of one niche and I put myself in the weirdest niche ever. I tried to make that thing work for years but I kept giving him a foot fetish. Yeah. And people like, he'd be like,

you just got home from work, you gotta take your shoes off. That's funny. But then people were like, this is weird, I don't like it. So you had to switch it up? I had to switch it up. Now he's just, he's got problems with his thyroid. That's his thing. How many million views does that have?

Let me see. That's one of, that one I don't know. We could see that one has a million views. And then the one I have is like, one of them is my most popular. How many? Let me see. Seven million.

Jesus mother of Jesus. Seven million on a different one. So you make your living. You stay home all day, right? Film stuff. So right now what I'm doing is I film, right now, because I'm trying to get into TV, so I'm writing a lot of that and there's some, there's a little bit of interest. Like there's some foots in the doors that I have to figure out.

With one, the guy who animated those gnome cartoons, we're trying to figure out something for that. And then two, there's a live action thing we've been writing. So what I'll do is on a Monday, I'll film five sketches just all day until I go to bed. And then edit? I'll edit them and then I'll have my week.

And then throughout the week I can, because if I make sketches throughout the week I will neglect writing jokes. Right. So if I have them all on Monday I can write jokes and I can write the show. Right. And then that's my life.

Right. Stand up at night writing and filming during the day. God damn it dude, I miss it. Yeah. I remember that. I remember living up on 97th Street. My whole day was getting down to do spots. That's my all day.

I wasn't even, I was middling here and there. I wasn't even really headlining places. It was just city spots. I have been having the time of my life. This is, getting in the cellar has been, it has made it like, oh, this is what it was like, this is what I really pictured wanting to do. Just being here, I'm happy, I'm not ready to,

I don't wanna like really tour yet. Buddy, you know? Enjoy this time. I just like, I love being here so much. I miss it so much, dude, I used to do spots and then hang out all night, go meet fucking, you know, Godfrey or Pete Corrielli or Burr or Patrice. We'd all meet some like here. We'd hang out, eat, shoot the shit.

The sun would come up. We'd all be like, I'll see you tonight and go home, sleep. Yeah. We'd meet like for stupid shit during the day. A couple of us maybe play football or basketball and then come back down every seven days a week. It's the most fun thing ever. I miss it so much, because now it's like I got the family, I got the kid, I live in Westchester.

I'm trying to get back to it, because the only way I write is doing spots. I have a very hard time writing, because now I'm the headliner. So they're coming to see me. If I bomb for 30 minutes, because I'm working out bullshit, they're going to be like, that wasn't good. Yeah, and they're not going to see me. If I bomb for 30 minutes because I'm working out bullshit, they're gonna be like, that wasn't good. Yeah, and they're not gonna come again.

I have that thing where I'm like, fuck, and I don't have the fuck you money where I can just go work some shit club for six months, because I have 20 million in the bank. I can't pay people to write my hour for me, which is a thing now too, which whatever. And you know you could do that. Well, people- How much? Well, people have writers now just because, look, I get it, which is a thing now too, which whatever. And you know you could do that. Well people-

How much? Well people have riders now just because, look I get it, they're a machine. If you come up with a new hour in this year, you'll make millions. If that opportunity's on the table, you kind of gotta get help doing that. It's the most fun. The hang is the kill. The kill apart. I just kind of, because I don't know anybody really from, I don't like know anybody that

well from New York, but I just said something really weird. What'd you say? I went, the hang is the kill. The hang is the kill. But I didn't mean that. What did you mean? I meant the go ahead, go back to the, I switched it. I tried to fix it.

Do the hang is a kill. Yo guys, I don't want to, I don't want to bum you guys out, but the hang is the kill. Yo, guys, I don't wanna bum you guys out, but the hang is the kill, dude. I'm kinda liking it now, the way you're saying it. Dude, I don't know if you guys feel the same way. I don't know if you guys are having as much fun as me, but I'm starting to think the hang is the kill. Dude, when we see each other at the cellar now,

I'd be like, yeah, dude. Not at the beginning, but when we're leaving, be like, yo, I do a spot the hang is a hang is a kill hang is a king of the Tut the king is the tut that's mine The king is you say I'll sing the hang is a kill and I'll say the king is the tut It's a tut the king is the tut. That's all it is That's all it really is rock and roll America land of second chances listen, man. You are fucking cool shit, bro I really man you got I'm so It really is an amazing fire

I know it's you don't want to hear that shit But it's pretty wild that you you just said fuck it and you have this crazy life And you absorb all of it and you love all of it Yeah, and you're not like oh my fucking dad and my mom and my this and that. You're like, fuck, I love it all. It's funny, it is funny. It is funny, it's way easier to look at it

as like a funny thing that happened. And all the stuff that happened to you, dude, and you're doing standup, you're famous on social media, chicks love you, you got a chick, she's hot. I mean, bro, did you ever think that when, back then when that shit happened that you'd be in this spot right now? No, but I knew I was gonna try.

Like I was like, I'm gonna regret not trying. But I didn't think I would like get here, no. This is the beginning, dude. Yeah, you talk to people, it's like, it. This is the beginning, dude. Yeah, you talk to people, it's like, it's such a weird career, everyone's like, it's 10 years before you even get anything, and I'm like.

It's all bullshit. Yeah, I'm like, I'm just gonna try. Try anymore. Back in the day when standup, how funny you were, there was no internet, there was no standup on, you couldn't watch people's sets. There was like 100 comedians in the country. You know what I mean?

There was way less comics. It was like a, it was a shit job. You told somebody I'm gonna do standup, they'd be like, why? You tell somebody now, it's like, wow, that's awesome. Exactly, you could post clips. Can I do it with you? Yeah, exactly. And then other people can like I remember like

it's such a weird little gig because I was such a I'm a fan of Joe List and not such a fan. No no I'm just trying to kiss. We get it. No I'm just trying to kiss up here but I saw him at the dojo and like that was so cool like I didn't know you could just meet like people you were fans of like that if you were doing yeah like gigs like that Yeah, I mean it's uh It's a different time now dude and and like as a fucking old boomer comic now Which I am you got to kind of accept the way it is Yeah, you know getting famous off a tick-tock or getting famous off of you know

I think podcasts are dying there was was a, like I was talking, during Opie and Anthony and Tough Crowd, if there was podcasts, we'd all be fucking gazillionaires. Me, Voss, we'd all just do some fucking offshoot, Tough Crowd podcast, and we'd be gazillionaires. We just wasn't there. It is there now, and you look at Burt and Tony and all these, and they're capitalizing on what that is.

You know what I mean? And you guys are capitalizing on TikTok and social media. Sketches and stuff. So it's just this evolving thing that's always happening. Yeah, it's very weird to like, it's almost scary being like, is this gonna last? But it lasts for as long as it lasts for you, bro. YouTube's been fun.

YouTube's one that's been consistent over the years. Yeah, YouTube is it, but YouTube's kinda getting st for you, bro. YouTube's been fun. YouTube's one that's been consistent over the years. Yeah, YouTube is it, but YouTube's kinda getting stale too because they're censoring everything. What are people like now? If it's not TV. I think PunchUp.live. If it's not TV. Is the next thing. Yeah, yeah.

I think so, dude, because you're gonna be able to go, I think that's where you'll capture fans, where you can do whatever you want and not worry about people. Yeah, because we can't. You can't do anything. We can't like curse or like, we have to cut all that out. Like we do that, that the moving sketch,

the idea of like thinking moving means we have to push the apartment. It's okay. But if we were able to get like as weird and like, as like, you know, and get a little bit more raunchy with it, it would have been, I would have enjoyed it more, but you just can't on it. You can't, you gotta be.

You can't say shit. You gotta, and here's the thing with them, you gotta go by their rules, what they think is acceptable, which changes, right? Yeah. If whoever the fuck likes it or the, whatever, and you also, you're working for them. Yeah.

You're just getting them fucking money. Instagram's a little bit better, I think. I think they're a little more lenient with what you can post. And you get paid off of Instagram too? No, I haven't joined their bonus, but you can. I can better, I think. I think they're a little more lenient with what you can post. And you get paid off of Instagram too? No, I haven't joined their bonus, but you can. I can, I should. Well, you get paid off of TikTok.

I do TikTok and YouTube. That's great, man. Congratulations with that, man. I'm glad you came on. Yeah, dude, I'm glad I came. This was so much fun, yeah. Yeah, dude. What were the questions, dude?

We got them right here. We're gonna go to it right now. Let me see them. No, you don't get to see them, fuckface. Come on, dude. No. Chop chop, I thought you fucking knew what to do. Dude, I know what to do. We're going to to it right now. Let me see them. No, you don't get to see them Fuck face. Come on, dude. No job job. I thought you fucking knew what to do, dude I know what to do. We're going to question those other questions. Well, those are your dates you fucking loser. Oh, I You know what? I don't like you anymore. This place sucks. I'm not having fun. Bro. The hang is the kill

The hang is a kid. That's a brother Listen, we're gonna give you dates right now real quick. Danny. Will you read those? Your mics not all those my dates. Will you read them? Yeah, yeah. It's your dates. Your mic's not. Oh, those are my dates. Yeah. Will you read them? Because you have them in fucking three-point Helvetica. I don't know what the f- I can't see them. Yeah, I'll move them back over.

Oh, you can make them bigger, and I'll do it. You're going to be at Comedy Connection in East Providence, Rhode Island, August 17th, then Phoenix, Arizona, September 6th. Love that. 7th at Stand Up Live. Love it. Cleveland, Ohio at Hilarity. Oh, another great one. September 20th and 21st. It's a gang fest. Vegas, 27th, 28th of September, October 5th.

Co-host New York. I'll be opening up for you there. San Diego, California. And Mike Drop Comedy, October 11th and 12th. Then Minneapolis at ACME Comedy Club, the best clubs in the world. 16, 17th and 12th. Then Minneapolis at Acme Comedy Club. The best clubs in the world. October 16th, 17th, 18th. And then Point Pleasant, New Jersey for Uncle Vinny's on October 24th and 26th. And then October 25th, you're going to be at the Denellan Theater.

And then that's in October. And then more dates in November. Beacon, New York. Morris Plains, New Jersey at the Dojo. All right, that's good. Go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. And also, if you go there, you give them the email. Anytime I'm near you, you'll get an email or we'll let you know.

You'll be notified that I'm gonna be in your area and you can come see me live, do what I do. I got all the clubs I'm working. I love all those clubs, my favorite clubs. So I'm excited that I don't work in any clubs that I do. I got all the clubs I'm working. I love all those clubs, my favorite clubs, so I'm excited that I'm not working any clubs that I hate. Those days are over. Thank Christ. Make sure you're there. What's your website? Just Keegan Tindall. Keegan, what is it?

Keegan, just go to my Instagram. I don't have a website. You have a website. Good for you. Yeah. You'll see dates there though. There's dates. I like that. Click on my link. You'll see it'll say comedy. That's new school. My link tree. I like it. I should have a website. No, you shouldn't fucking want to go to punch. You should get a punch up dot live. Yeah, I do need to get one of those. You should get one of those. Have it. Do you need to like be like, no, you could be anybody. Well, no, I mean, Danny can't get one, but you could. No, I think anybody can get it, right Danny? I don't know.

Okay, maybe not. I love how clinical sometimes, I don't know. Yeah, he's autistic. It's like medical sometimes. It's like a shitty robot, like a first gen robot. First time I saw Danny Braff, one of the first times he comes up to me and he's like, he's making a joke,

and he goes, do you guys have a charger? And he goes, not you, I don't wanna burn victims charger. That's what he said to me. What the fuck, Danny? That's what he said to me. What the fuck Danny? Why would you say that? I think it's kind of funny. It's hilarious It's funny he's he's definitely I'm like on a cane only no, well you want a cane Yeah, oh you piece of shit not you didn't do it like a couple weeks ago You did it when he just got out of the Children's Hospital dealing with a fucking crazy midget

I don't know. I don't know how to be like, I don't know. How's this? When I call him in the morning, he's like, hello? I'm like, Danny. And then he says, all right, I'll see you later. Have a, okay, all right. Yep, bye. Okay, bye.

Because he's stirring rice-aroney, dude. That's what he's doing. But all he's going to do is, hey man, what's up, Bobby? What's up, Danny? You got that thing? Yeah, I got it. All right, bye. Because he's stirring rice-a-roni, dude. That's what he's doing. But all he's gonna do is, hey man, what's up Bobby? What's up Danny? You got that thing? Yeah, I got it, all right. All right, brother, I'll talk to you later. You too, man, take care.

It's just simple. It's simple. But don't you enjoy it more that there's a little spice to it? It's not spice, dude. It's fucking sour. It's just cream. Yeah, it's like fucking dirty old milk.

Yeah, exactly. My mic just went out. Okay, we got a question. I'll say, here's the deal. First old milk. Yeah, exactly times. My Mike just went okay. We got questions I say here's the deal first of all make sure you check it all his social media out hilarious guy Remember that the kill is the hang the hang is the kill dude. Don't fuck it up. I'm switching it up Oh, man, it's dude. Yes, the tut is the the king That is the king of the hill the hang is a kill family guy Simpsons Make sure you check all his stuff out.

Why is my mic dying? It's on. But it's failing for some reason. Is it? I don't hear it. Maybe it's your headphones. Is it the headphones? I think it's the headphones.

Oh, you're the headphones. Is it the headphones? Yeah, you sound great. Okay, great. All right, well, listen, anyways. Make sure you go to my website. Danny, what do you got? Follow me on Instagram, at Danny Braff, and come to Comedy Averve in Summerville, New Jersey

the third Thursday of every month. Joe, what do you got? What's up cheeseheads? You like cheese? Well guess what? Check out my cool show on YouTube called The Cheese Show. It's not just about cheese. We interview comics and stuff. It's really fun. So type in cheese show on YouTube. Yeah and you know, and that's how you do it Danny. That's how you do it. It's really fun to type in cheese show on YouTube. Yeah, and uh, you know And that's how you do it danny. That's how you do it. I'm sure my mic is staticky right now No, it's great. It's fine. I'm hearing it great. Okay. All right. There you go. Um, all right

Well, listen man, seriously, what a fucking story. What a life And uh, i'm so glad you're killing it. I'm so glad that you You didn't give up and you you're killing it. It's it's crazy, dude. What a life can't wait to see this shit. That's going to be on TV. Someone's going to make this a show. You're going to be fucked. The animated thing is going to go. You're going to do that? I don't know if you need a guy. Hello. I want to come to your house. Oh, dude. You're in. I'm in. Great. That's the gnome.

You're basically doing the gnome right now. I will be the gnome's cousin. Yeah, exactly. From Spain. And you'll nail it. I will nail it. Exactly. I from Spain and it'll be in your nail. I will nail it exactly I am the one putting my finger in your fighter and we'll name on bones to bones. Yeah bones the gnome Bones and gnome. I like it. The hang is a kill. Don't ever forget that the king is the time Don't ever remember we're going to patreon right now with your questions

If you guys want to ask questions, you want to hear the answer to the all these questions and we got a lot from this fucking goddamn king on the Instagram and the Soch. Go over to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly and you can get the show first, you get it live, you get the questions, you get an extra show a week if you want to support the show. If not, you're watching on YouTube, hit the subscribe button. We'll see you guys next time on You Know What, Doug? You're the best.