Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #556 | Carrot Top | Giving Him His Props

Episode Date: October 13, 2024

This week Bobby talks to Carrot Top Live from the studio at Skankfest. They talk about why there are nor new prop comics and Bobby gives Carrot Top an idea of what to do with his props when he dies. FOLLOW Carrot Top IG: @CarrotTopLive FOLLOW Robert Kelly IG: @RobertKellyLive Support the show & save on True Classic packs at https://www.trueclassic.com/DUDE Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Home school back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD. This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules.

God, how are you ruining this? Where's the bomb gonna land? Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show? This is the original. The original.

You know what's up? Hi, what's up everybody? It's me, Robert Kelly. We are not at the Comedy Cellar Studios about to start. We are not at the Comedy Cellar Studios about to start. We are not at the Comedy Cellar Studios about to start. We are not at the Comedy Cellar Studios about to start. We are not at the Comedy Cellar Studios about to start.

We are not at the Comedy Cellar Studios about to start. We are not at the Comedy Cellar Studios about to start. We are not at the Comedy Cellar Studios about to start. We are not at the Comedy Cellar Studios about to start. We are not at the Comedy Cellar Studios about to start. We are not at the Comedy Cellar Studios about to start. Alright, what's up everybody? It's me, Robert Kelly. We are not at the Comedy Cellar Studios above the world famous Comedy Cellar. We are live at Skankfest in one of the podcast studios. It's new here at Skankfest where they have the studios where we can do the podcast. We took full advantage and we went big. Yeah, sure.

We could have gotten Mike Cannon, Brendan Sagalow, maybe even Mike Feeney, but we didn't, we went big. You went all skank. I went full, I went somebody who should be at Skank Fest. Carrot Top, you know, buddy? Now here's the question, bro. First of all, I'm a fan for a long time.

I don't know if I should call you Scott Or like people call me Bob, but people don't like me. They call me Robert Yeah, I have like Rob Robert Bobby Bobby with an ie Bobby Bobby Bobby Bobby that's late. Yeah, but uh Like what do you like it Scott or I get Scotty, you know, you know a handful people call me Scotty But Scott Scott Scott Scott Scott. Yeah. Yeah. So if someone a handful of people call me Scotty, but Scott, Scott. Scott, you like Scott. So if someone calls you Carrot Top,

that's somebody on the street. Right. Does it bug you? You're like, oh, the money, they might help me get government, there might be government. But Carrot Top. It's just what I went with, I don't know.

It's a blessing and a curse, as you know, Bobby. I just picked it, I thought of it, and then it happened, and I was stuck, and I couldn't switch out of it, so. Yeah, but dude, it's, I mean, it was gonna be Queen Latifah, and then I'm just going. I'm glad you didn't pick that. I know.

I'm glad you didn't pick that. Queen Latifah was already picked by the way. No, not at the time, I don't think it was. You were before Queen Latifah. I could have had Queen Latifah. I had actually written it down. That's right, I was gonna pick P. Diddy. I'm glad I didn't pick that.

Oh, that, and see, that was my third. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was your third one. Dude, you've been in Vegas for how long? 25 years? Oh, yeah, it was 30 pick P. Diddy. I'm glad I didn't pick that. That was my third. That was your third one. Dude, you've been in Vegas for how long? 25 years? Oh yeah, it was 30. 30 fucking years. So you're on TV, you blow up. Now you blew up in comedy at the boom.

There was a boom. Yeah, there was a big boom. And it's kinda like what's happening now in a sense. There's a lot of comedy booming right now, I think. It's really making a huge comeback. It reminds me of when I started. All the young comics that are doing, the roasts and all these guys and I want him I got I never get I never heard of him I never get to see him

right and they're really funny and there's a whole bunch of them that are really coming up right now early 90s something happened with comedy evening at the improv comedy spotlight all these comedy shows I got right in on that too right right in the cusp right I was very lucky I came in and it was right at the end of the boom and I got, you know, I had this unique act and the thing and the look and it just, yeah, I was lucky to be at the right place at the right time for sure.

And then when you blew up, you're touring all, were you doing clubs or were you just going? Oh, everything from clubs to colleges to, you know, concerts. How do you do a club, dude? How do you do a club back in the day with all your show? I would jam it in there, man. I'd have more props than people. Did you have just you or did you do a club back in the day with all your I would I would jam it in there man I'd have more props and people and you have just you did you have a big van I do it yourself top of the pips we'd have my dance the dancers behind me

No, I just have yeah me and my I mean I've the show has now evolved into a production So now I've got a crew of people like a lightning-guided sound guy to prop guy I have a massive crew because I've seen it's a bigger show. It's a bigger show than when I was in the clubs. But it was always kind of had its moment to be a big show. Like I would have strobe lights and fog machines, even back when I'd play clubs, and a little foot pedal that my dad made for me. And I would just sit there and I'd hit the smoke machine

and the music and the fog. And the club owners were like, what the fuck is this? And I'm like, it's a comedy club though, I know, but you have like, not Kiss, like a motley crew. I said, that's what I want it to be. I didn't want it to be just me standing with a microphone and saying, hey, you know, it's weird, but I'm a parent, you know, yeah, you kids.

And I said, no, we need strobe lights and fuck, I need shit. I want it to be like a rock and roll kind of experience. You wanted to be different? Yeah, yeah. You wanted to do what you were doing. And it fit the show because I had all the visuals and the props and the music. So it just kind of evolved into kind of what it is now. It must have been hard though to play.

I mean, to go into a club back in the day when you're starting, to like where you are now, or even when you popped, you have people who help you, people who do this. When you was doing your club thing, you're showing up by yourself. You gotta go there early. You gotta set up.

You're like a band. Absolutely, yeah, I would get there at two or three in the afternoon, set up my stuff, go back to the hotel, take a nap, go back and do the show, then clean it up, go out, have drinks with whoever, and then pack it up and go to the next game. You know, I'm back, and like I say, my heyday, but literally when I was doing so much colleges

and whatnot and clubs, I would do a a college in the morning at like the cafeteria. And then that night I would drive or day I drive all the way to the let's say University of Tennessee and go to their event center and it'd be like you know 10,000 people and then get in a car in the morning and go to a cafeteria and do it in front of 20 people and then go to a theater that night with 1200 people. It was unbelievable. Well colleges back in the day people don't know before colleges got real woke yeah I mean you couldn't do stand-up at colleges now

you'd be no I know you'd be driven off the campus but when we came up they put me in one of my own box. When we came up though colleges was money. Oh NACA. Of course why would that save my whole life that was my career NACA. Yeah because you I mean I didn't do clubs when I first started at colleges right and you just tore the country I actually lost feeling in these two fingers right here because I would have to drive Right I would drive in the winter right to these colleges come in do a show in the afternoon in front of a spinning pie wheel Yeah, 20 people. Yeah, literally. And then drive that night. People have no idea that that happens.

I don't know if these young comers coming up are having to do what we did. No. I really don't. I mean, it's standing in a breezeway. That was one of the best ones. So I said, where the fuck's the stage? And they said, right here.

And I'm like, it was in the middle of a breezeway. And so I had my cell phone and people were walking to and from class and I'm standing on this box you know barking my Joe and so I think I stood on it for about 30 seconds then I said I'm not doing it and I got in the car and left and I got I got like written up from NACA and everything cuz I cuz I just decided not to do the show and they I wish I had that and it was like it well it was the guy that was the president head of NACA happened to be at at the school in Kentucky. Oh shit, and I get to the next gig and they're like what happened at the lunch gig?

And I'm like fucking stupid. I walked away. What idiot would book that she said that's the owner of NACA He's the president of NACA. I'm like the book it is that's his college. I'm like well. He's a fucking more I'm doing that so so um dude. I did a college in the afternoon I think it was 12 o'clock, and they were doing tests. And I'm up here doing my horse shit, and a kid looked up with his pay, just all, just, hey dude, can you stop? Can you stop trying to?

I gotta get this test done. I'm trying to cheat off this guy next to me. I was like, dude, I'm contracted for 40 minutes. I got eight minutes left. And I just went, la la la la la, la la la la la. I looked at my watch, I was like, dude, I'm contracted for 40 minutes. I got eight minutes left. And I just went, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. I looked at my watch and I was like, I'm out. I would never walk away. I hope these young comics today have that.

I mean, really, honestly. Well, now it makes you grow. You know, now they have the internet and they have the things here, so they do their right. It's easy, dude. They do things, they show up at a big theater and there's thousands of people there. They can do one TikTok, one little crowd work video,

and they get three million people. Literally, yeah. And they're selling out a club, and they have 20 minutes of material. God bless it. Right. But the boom is a little different. We say that, God bless them, but we're like,

fuck these people. Yeah, fucking losers. We should move away. I mean, yeah, good for them. Yeah, good for them. Yeah, I mean, it's great. These kids are great, but fuck them. We had a fucking, we were road dogs.

Right, right. We were gone for months. Literally road dogs. Yeah, in fact, we were road dogs. We were gone for months. Right, right, literally road dogs. Yeah, in fact when I got the gig in Vegas, I turned it down because I was a road guy. And they asked if I'd do the residency, and I remember saying, it's like a desk job, it's like being at, I'm a nine to five,

I get to be there every night in the same theater. So I turned it down, and then they talked me into it, and I did just an in and out kind of a semi residency. And then I go back on the road and do my gigs and that was perfect. And then they came in Luxor and said, we want full time. You're the name of the hotel. And I was really reluctant to do it.

But then now looking back on it 19 years ago, I'm like, man, it's the best decision ever made. Your show is made for Vegas yeah your show is made to like your like I think of Vegas you think of certain people you're one of them yeah I've been here long enough I guess I am punny I mean but even when you came here dude your show is meant to have a crew that's how I got into the Vegas I was doing a Regis and Kathy Lee remember that show yeah I remember into the Vegas. I was doing Regis and Kathie Lee. Remember that show? Yeah, I remember you did it. And I did it a lot of times.

And Regis, we just talked about this last night. So this old guy walks over to me after the taping. He says, that was phenomenal. And I said, oh, I think he's a producer from the show. I said, oh, great. He's like, where do you find all this stuff? And I said, what stuff? It's like all these, I said, I make them.

He said, you make all this stuff? And I said, what stuff? It's like all these, I said, I make them. He said, you make all this stuff? And I said, yeah, that's what makes it like, I don't go find it in the fucking dumpster. I make it, I create it. It's visual, it's props that I've created. I didn't just find a trash can and did something with it. You think of something. But he's, yeah.

And then I, well, sometimes I think of something, find the props, sometimes I find the prop, make the thing. But, or a joke like comics do. But he just said, you must kill in Vegas. And I said, I've never played Vegas. And he said, you're kidding me. I said, no. He says, you are Vegas.

And I said, well, he said, if I get you a gig, will you take it? And I said, I'm a whore, sure, I'll take the gig. He gave me his card. I called, and that's Kathie. He was just in a hallway in a college. It was Kathie Lee Giffords agent, manager. So they said, how did you get, I said,

so he booked, Kathie Lee Giffords manager, agent, booked me at Bally's 30 years ago at just like Catch a Rising Star, like a little club in Bally's. And that was it, I am. And they were like, you are Vegas, you're Vegas, you gotta be Vegas. Well Vegas is, I mean, dude, I-

And he said, you gotta do Trump, you gotta do- I got you, Trump. Is that what you tried and I just mean dude I. He said you gotta do Trump, you gotta do. Is that you Trump? Is that what I just said? I do a whole stupid thing. You have the same hair. Yeah we do, we do. I was on that exact show with him by the way,

this is funny. I was on with Trump and I come out and I said to the audience, this is great, I'm finally on a show where I don't have the stupidest hair. And everybody laughed and Trump looked over at me and he said, touch it. And I said, what? Touch my hair.

And I said, what? And he made me, it's all on video. He made me touch his hair. And he said, now tell the crowd. I said, tell the crowd that it's real. I said, I never said it wasn't real. I said, it was stupid. Like, I didn't say it wasn't real.

I just said, I don't have stupid hair. Dude, that was his thing though, when he had that hair. He was very nice to me, but it was, you know, it was crazy, you know. But there was a lot of people there. Lot, lot, lot. When I first came to Vegas, I was so excited. I did The Rift back then.

Vegas has changed a lot for stand-up. Now they have clubs and the Comedy Cell, the wise guys, and you come in and you do a weekend or you do a few. But when I came here, I was so excited to get The Rift. Vegas is massive. This is historic, this is legendary. You play Vegas, you're a comedian. I didn't understand the two show a night,

three on Friday, three on, I think it was 16 shows. Yes, there was at The Rift. By the end of the fucking week, I wanted to hang myself. Because it was show after show after show after show. It's work, man. It's fucking work. I used to go see a lot of my friends there and I would say, how many fucking shows

you guys are doing? He said, we're doing a show in between a show. Like there's a show, show's a show. Yeah, yeah, show. And I do one, because that's all I wanna do. They would love me to do two, but I'm not doing just one, it's all I wanted. That's all I really, anyone should do. Yeah, but your show, I mean one, because that's all I want to do. They would love me to do two, but I'm not doing just one. That's all I really, anyone should do.

Yeah, but your show, I mean listen, your show is an event. I mean, I've watched your show. I follow you on Instagram. I followed you for a while. I love your Instagram stories. You're out of your fucking mind. I know.

This thing. Yeah. I don't know where I came up with that stupid thing, but now I don't even know what I'm doing. I do it to my wife at a noise bar. I don't even know I'm doing it. I do it to my wife at a noisier. I don't even know what I'm doing. I do it to the show, I'm like, I said, now this, like, I don't know, I'm like.

Ha! But, you know. That's my carling. That's my carling. Like this, right? Yeah, yeah. But you started this thing, when you started, has it got to a point where you're like,

all right, this is great, this is epic, you're a superstar, you're in Vegas, you're a superstar. Everybody knows you, you're getting treated like a king. Was there a point where you're like, I'm out? Like, I gotta get out of here, I gotta go do something. Has it always been like, you know what? I haven't had that moment yet, but thanks. That's great.

Now I'm thinking about it. Well, because dude, like you said, dude, it's golden handcuffs, right? Yeah, yeah. You're working. Good way to put it. Yeah. You're working all the time. Like I just got a gig with Big J. August on The Bonfire where it's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. We do four shows. It's awesome. I love it. Right. But what we do is we're somewhere every night different. We're traveling. We're going to, you know, that road thing where it's like, we have this new experience all the time.

And you know what, you can say no, you cannot work for a week or two, blah, blah, blah. When you get a job like where you're, this is like a residency or a radio gig or something like that, it's awesome, you love it, but it is, it's a job. I said it's a desk job, you gotta clock in every night. You gotta clock in every night. You gotta clock in every night.

Every night, and yeah, you know, as you know, and I always find that funny, show biz, most shows, whether rock and roll or comedy, whatever, usually eight o'clock show. Right. A normal thing, unless, like you said, you go to the river and it starts at, say, five, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11.

But eight o'clock show, on average, you're a buddy. So your day starts, and you have to be already, you're already getting ready for the show all day. Right? You have lunch, but you're still thinking of the show, an average year buddy. So your day starts and you have to be already, you're already getting ready for the show all day, right? You have lunch but you're still thinking of the show and then all of a sudden it's three o'clock, you go to the gym a little bit and you look at the clock for now I gotta go in to do like a sound check, then meet and greet and then it's eight o'clock.

So while my friends are drinking, you're going to barbecues and watching football and I'm like no, I'm doing a sound check at five o'clock in the afternoon. Now have you gotten, because I know every job that I've had, I started out really like there early doing everything and then you slowly. No, I still have to get there for all that.

I make myself get in there like a pro. I get there five every night. It's not like you just, you got it down, walk in, head set, walk right out. No, yeah, I just like getting there and doing my sound. I never did, you know, how did the comics need sound checks? Because I usually come up with something in my sound check. I'll like, I go go we just give the diddy

joke last I said I thought and we have time to kind of do it or give it a little bit of chance to rehearse something if it's something you're doing you're doing stand-up you're doing oh yeah the show's almost 70% now stand up within props yes it's a lot of stand-up because you're always you that show is most people that come to Vegas or you know it's fine it's great but it's a lot of evolve. You're always you that show is most people that come to Vegas or you know, it's fine It's great But it's the show you'll see all the time every time you come that's the show you're gonna see but your shows You're writing stuff all the time. Yeah, you got to change it like every yeah every top

I mean I have a Trump golf club with mirrors on it so he can keep an eye out for People trying to shoot him and it kills is like people tried this dungeon It's one right there, but they love it. I mean, it's cause it's just making fun of the thing. I'm making fun of getting shot, but you know, it's just, people expect it and then if they don't, I'm saying this is my job, I'm supposed to make a Trump prop of beers on it.

Well, cause when a joke doesn't work, cause I see the joke flop and you just throw it and you say something. Yeah, so it's fucking topical people. I just made this thin hour. The glue's still wet on this goddamn thing. But yeah, I love being topical. That's one thing, as a comic,

if I went to see a comedy show, I love watching comics and I'm like, ah, this guy's doing something like right from today's headline. It's very smart and hard work. Yeah, I don't do that. But listen, the thing is. We know, we know. You know, we had a, and we have some, we have, I don't do that. But listen, the thing is. We know, we know.

You know, we had a, and we have some, we have, I was just name dropping because we had a guy at our show last night and he was telling me that before, they sing before the show. You know, we know rock stars, right? Yeah. And so, of course they warm their voices up.

I know enough bands and people that, you know, or they go in and they do the little warmup set before they go out on the big stage? Everyone does it right? His cigar and Hagar everybody this guy says he warms his voice up for two hours before the show. Yeah Every show. Yeah smashing pumpkins. Yeah, I couldn't do it. It gets there for two hours and goes, you know All this shit that you do voice lessons, but I'm like that impressed me I'm like that guy, you know, he doesn't just show up with his out of his limo is Huggers and blow like I do like I do he just keeps

Rehearses and does no, I don't do that. I don't actually people always think I'm such a drug guy Yeah, fuck carry drug. I said I've never done dry. I'm like you've never done. No, I I've been sober for 38 years Yeah, I don't do drugs. You've never done drugs? No. I've been sober for 38 years. Yeah. I don't do drugs either. I don't drink, don't do drugs. I mean, back then I did. I mean, I don't want to sound like Gene Simmons, but I never did drugs.

I never did, you know, I never did, never nothing, never. But how did you avoid? Oh, you had a botan, I never had a beer, never had a beer, I'll stop it. I never had a beer, never seen one, can't spell it. Is that Gene Simmons? It's my Gene Simmons, yeah. So, Scott, you need to come up with something that's, yes.

That's every president, too... That's every president too. That's every president. It's my Donald Trump doing Gene Simmons. Now there's lots and lots of this. How come this thing, like prop comedy, there's no new prop... They ruined the shot for an hour, now are you moving them? First of all, we thought you were going to do something with them. I was going to juggle them. We thought you were going to make it into something. for an hour now you're moving first of all without you gonna do something yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean the jokes are quick, it's like I tell stories. So one of my jokes can be seven minutes,

but to do a prop that you have to keep going. You do the joke, you tell a bit, you sell it, you go on to the next thing, it's very fast. But that genre has seemed to die. Like I don't see, there's nobody doing. I know, we talk about that almost every time I do one of these shows, they'll say, where's the next Carrot Top? And I said, there doesn't see, there's nobody doing... I know, we talk about that almost every time I do one of these shows. They'll say, where's the next Carrot Top?

And I said, there doesn't want to be one. Why? Because I got so much shit, you know? And people are like, I don't want to go through that shit he did. You think? I don't know. Or maybe it is, it's a genre that's made... There will be another prop guy eventually coming around that hopefully does it in a different style.

Like, when I did my... My style was completely different than, I love that shirt, Gallagher's. I, I, I not only like, I was like admired him, but I like mentored by him in a lot of ways. He and I were really good friends and he, I would, you know, throw jokes by him and ask him. But I always did something that was different than him.

You know, it's like when you do, and Carlin, you know, I studied Carlin. And I do things in my show that are so, like people say, you remind him, I said, ah, because the bit that I do is how I, and how I, you reference it. Like, Johnny Carson always looked over at Ed. If you watch, I just did a clip of the night of my interview,

and I don't even know I'm doing it, but I do this whole thing where you, I even have my hand in my pocket, and I kind of reference over to my, and I don't even know I'm doing it, but I do this whole thing where you, I even have my hand in my pocket and I kind of reference over to my, and I'm just doing Johnny, I don't know, there's a guy over there, but I'm not really, look, I just, it's a move that just is so comfortable, like, you know, as the song was, the new joke I just put in last night, it was a Rod Stewart song, and here's a song, how did this make it on the radio? And it says, Spread your wings and let me come inside you. And I'm like, well that's subtle. And I look over at my guy, I go, that's subtle. I just do that move that he would do. It's like

a prom song, right? Look back at it. But I don't even know I'm doing it. But that's something that I learned from watching Johnny Carson. And then when I do my little thing, I like that. I was always, I didn't want to take Carlin's, so I, you know, he always says, people are like, right in the fucking head. I didn't want to do that, so I do my, I do this thing, just became, that became my signature, but not even knowing it, it just all of a sudden,

one day he's like, you know, you do that a lot. Yeah. And I said, I know. Yeah, I think it's, like, I feel, like there's always somebody coming up right behind somebody. Yeah, but we're waiting for the next prop guy I mean, you know, I mean again

I got a lot of shit for it for being um and not really as much Gallagher cuz Gallagher I was actually like I said was a fan of mine and liked to love what I did into a degree He also said I'm shit, but um, he said your shit. Well, and what we had a little fight back in the day We got we got it. We got it. We got it cleared up like at the end. He went a little fight back in the day. But he seemed like at the end... We got it cleared up. He seemed like at the end he went a little fucking crazy. Yeah, he did. But he was so brilliant. God damn, if you people go... And I'd say to the young comics now, like I'd say,

go watch Gallagher's stand-up specials in the 80s. You'll lose your mind. These comics have no idea that Gallagher had such a great stand-up. He was very smart. I mean, stand-up. And then he started doing all the props actually was not just like keep doing stand-up because the props were kind of he would jump on a couch but his stand-up if you listen to his words were brilliant yeah and that's what he told me one day when he was mad at me he said you know I was dumb about

you and I said what you saw a joke he said you stole the stupid shit you didn't steal my smart shit Oh really and I said I didn't steal any of your shit because yeah you did I said no I didn't he says you should have taken the smart shit which meaning the words and the stand-up But that would have been that would have been stupid wouldn't it like you're doing Gallagher You can't so now I try to do that was a Gallagher ish joke right, but we made up since I mean We do but I know we're now mean, we did before he died. Oh, okay, good.

I'm supposed to call him after this to tell him how it went. Yeah, he's not around. But, Paul should go great. But I asked him all the time, you know, advice on something, and he would text me back, just one, I said, hey, what do you think of this joke? Or I said, come to the show and help me me again because he would come and just like destroy me and say everything was horrible everything was horrible and so he come and I said

hey I need I need to come you know watch the show and critique it again and he said joy coy Joe Joe coy that's what that I still haven't of us the last text Gallagher sent me what and I know when I said Joe Coy that's a comic I guess he meant go watch him. Like he thought that's, you know. Yeah, he was definitely losing his mind. But he, but he had a, you know. I'm kidding, Joe Coy.

Oh, Joe Coy, I've never met him actually, but you know. He's actually coming in right now, Joe. No, that's awesome. Well, I didn't say anything bad about him. I just, Gallagher said he, I think Gallagher was saying, Joe Coy meaning watch him. Yeah, but dude, your thing is totally fucking different than that, your thing is, no one's done it.

I mean, I never thought of you and Gallagher, but you did, I mean, like when we were coming up, people would, you know, prop comedy, guitar acts, blah, blah, blah, stand up very snobby, stand up is this, very snobby. To a degree, though. It's interesting because when all the... I mean, you say the stand-ups were, there were also so many stand-ups that were like to me that you'd only get the press from the ones

working the clubs that weren't... but Jay Leno and Bill Maher, Gary Shandling, George Carlin, they were all like fans of mine. You would get all this shit from whatever and then you'd be sitting somewhere and Mel Brooks would come over to me at a restaurant and say, you're fucking the, and you're just like, what? And then you think all the guys that said I'm shit, I'm like, Mel Brooks thought that was funny.

So you just always consider the source. You have to take those. Yeah, talent isn't afraid of talent. Yeah, but you know what I mean? That's my saying. I thought you'd like that more. I know I did. I thought you'd be like, wow.

No, I was good. I thought you'd be like, dude, I'm gonna tell Alago that one. No, it's good. Uh-uh. No, it was always that considerate of the source. It even happened all the way back with them when it was all happening when I was young. Well, yeah, because you're-

Like anyone wants to be loved, right? Well, dude, everyone wants to be loved, but, dude, you flew past everybody. You were famous overnight. No, but it wasn't overnight. I was working at strip clubs and colleges and PM. But us out here, we see all of a sudden this guy's fucking... Well, no, for sure.

And again, like I said, I was lucky in the timing of when I got into the... You know, I got that first TV show, and it was like, oh, my God, this is made for television. I used to say to, you know, the Tonight Show, when I used to do the Tonight Show, and they were, you know, Johnny Carson said, I went and auditioned for the show,

and they said, it was great. Well, just tremendous, but Johnny's not gonna put you on. And I said, why? He says, he doesn't like variety. And I remember, this is like 35 years ago, I mean, well, literally. And I said, what? And they said, yeah, he doesn't like variety.

What the fuck is The Tonight Show? It's variety, everything he does from Karnak to the fucking Throwing the Nines. It was all variety. Even him, even the whole thing, everything was variety. He just, they said no, and he didn't like I mean Steve Martin was on there was a few people, you know, but Steve did his arrow in the head, you know, but but other than that he never had a

lot of he didn't like magicians. He didn't like yeah. Yeah. So Carson had his thing against but you know, I didn't take it personally but the day Carson left I was on the tonight show the next week like right with James. I mean, the star is still there, the blue seats are still there, and it's like, kind of on Carson. Oh yeah, that's great. I mean, I did Jimmy Fallon once,

and I fucking did Mediocre as a standup. I think, it's weird too, because back in the day, you do Carson, you do Leno, Letterman, you're famous. Well, back in the day, absolutely. I mean, nothing against, but the late show late night TV You know does it well now is not going to do anything for you could do 70 Whoever's doing it now whoever's doing this would you get Kim? Oh, you got you got who I love Jimmy Fallon who's the best best guy in the world, but you know you don't that you?

Don't launch it. I don't think you don't come launch it off now very few people do more on a tick-tock you said earlier like a tick-tock would get more than a late-night crowd works set on tick-tock minute set and that can blow you the fuck up yeah millions of people to follow you which is kind of sad to me because I always thought like back in the day you had these milestones in your crib Vegas was one of those milestones you play Vegas you're a legit comedian legit comedian. To get on The Tonight Show, the Letterman, you're a stand-up comedian. Well, I'll tell you exactly how I feel about it. Back then, I was like, I got on The Tonight Show, oh my god, like I made it. Yeah, and now it's, whatever, you get on Joe Rogan, you made it, which is a weird...

I did Joe Rogan, made it which is a weird I did I did Joe Rogan it was it was tremendous fun I you know it's funny because I remember the day they they said you want to do it and I was like like me like am I getting myself into something horrible I don't know I because you're here right well I don't know I knew me before I don't remember meeting before but he you know I was just I was like you know I'm not gonna go in and get fucking butt fucked and Joe Rogan, and they were asking me to come on. And then one summer man sent me a clip

of Gilbert Gottfried on Joe Rogan, and they were just going on and on about me, but loving. Like that guy is brilliant, that guy's the best, I mean that Like, that guy is brilliant. That guy's the best, I mean, that guy, that guy is the best, and I'm like, oh shit, okay, I'll go. So I show up and it was beyond great. I mean, he loved me, but I didn't know prior to him, like, I gotta walk in and go, what the fuck is this?

You know, all this shit, what is this? Howard Stern did that to me. But he didn't fuck me over, same thing. But they kinda do a little weird thing with Stern did that to me. Yeah, because he didn't fuck me over. Same thing. But he they kind of do a little weird thing with Stern when you did it back in the day. They put in this little room about the size of this table. I mean, literally. Yeah. And they're me and my PR person made someone and they put you in there. There's a little speaker and you can hear the show live as you're talking. And he's like, so I mean I carrot top now It's carrot tops out in the in the thing the fuck's his deal and I'm like and they're just going on

He's like him kind of a strange looking guy in me and they're just going on about how I'm weird And then she says something like well, no, I think he's he's a kind of a tree He's got muscles and he works out. He's got on any so another trying to bid They're gonna both ways they're kind of tearing me up but bringing me down and all that tearing me down and finally go bring him in you know like fuck you know tail between your legs and you you kind of walk in and high and it's instant like well Jesus Christ fucking carrot top yeah look at this fucking rock star yep fuck you're all the water man yeah back handsome you got

fucking muscles Jesus Christ you look great and. And I said, I know, don't I? I'm just fucking, and I said, I look fucking great. He's like, no, you really are, like, geez, look at that. Robin's like, he's so beautiful. And he's like, you got a big dick, don't you? Yeah. And I said, yes, and he says, you know how I can tell you do, and I said, why?

He says, because you just said it, how you said it, you're so confident, you have a big dick. I said, I do have a big dick, we dick we're gonna talk about we can talk about my dick well that's yeah yeah but it was just it went great and I didn't know it was gonna be a picture of yeah I have a picture my dick too I think everyone has a picture my dick that's the last thing I want my dick you have to put certain lighting on yeah right and it has, it takes around 20 minutes. And you have to zoom on it.

I have to do this. I have to lie flat so the fat where my pubes are sinks down so that I can get all of my penis. I think I have senior cock. Hold on a second. Yeah. I remember that one. I remember that one.

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Right. And then you got shredded. And people were giving you shit for being shredded and I was like, this doesn't even make sense. I know, I thought that was weird sense. So the guy is healthy, exactly what we all want to be, he went and got ripped, he looks fantastic. I never understood that one, that was so weird. People were just like what the fuck and I'm like it and it was as big as I, this is it, they think you know they made they would do drawings of me and cartoon things and cartoon network

whatever, cartoon you know family guy or whatever the fuck was in and have this guy to draw like you know Roy I'm like it's not what I look like it's like I have muscles I don't have and look like yeah but when is Kapok I mean I have I just I mean well he went into like yeah yeah but he I mean I just worked out I did some sit-ups I did some curls. And you look fantastic. I look great. You know, info redhead,

you're probably the best looking redhead out there. Redheads, it's a mixed thing. Yeah, there's not a lot. I mean, gingers, there's not a lot. I mean, there's not a lot. Me and Reba, that's it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And I got a lot of redheads in my family, no offense.

But yeah, I do. But yeah, I didn't understand that. I'm like, so you guys, I remember, dude, you see Carrot Top? He's shredded. I'm like, is that a bad thing? I never understood that either. It's a bad thing. You guys see Carrot Top, let himself go to shit.

I mean, it's either that. See, if I let myself go to shit and I'm just really fat fucker, then you lose there. You take care of yourself You're like geez carlinus guys fucking in shape like what do you want me to be there's nothing Here's the thing and it's worse now because back in the day you would hear hums of it But now with Instagram or social media. I'll be having a fantastic day. I'll be wake up my kid. I love you dad my wife Hey, honey. Here's some eggs. I'm like I said. I'm doing pretty good Then you go on fucking Twitter and then son it's just like and they're eggs. I'm like, gosh, I'm doing pretty good. And then you go on fucking Twitter,

and then it's just like, and they're saying what I think. My insecurities. Because I'm in my head all the time. So they're actually saying stuff that I've talked myself, that's not true, no that's not. That's in your head. And then somebody says it, you're like, oh god, it's real. What I think of myself is real.

Oh, you know, and it's like, fuck me, dude. I actually can't even look at it anymore. I can't. No, I don't. I think one of the last ones I thought was pretty funny, I have a house in Florida and I was there on vacation. Someone gave me a Rolling Stones towel but it was in the shape of the tongue.

So it was like a die-cut towel and it was just beautiful and big and I'm a big Stones fan. So I was in the pool and I had it laid out on the water. I said, look at this fucking towel, one of my fans gave me. God damn, right? It's just my pool, my towel, and I have like,

not a Speedo, I have like normal shorts on. They're short. They're short, but then I, so everyone's like, and the towel just boom, boom, boom. Everyone's like, dude, look at your comments. I don't look at those anyhow, right? I have some people look at them and they're really bad. They take, but I said what?

Like I'm the plane flying back and I just for shit looked at it. I'm like, what the fuck? People like, clean your, like right away, clean your fucking pool. There's not a leaf in it. That's funny though. Like, first of all, clean your fucking pool

and put on a goddamn bathing suit. I'm like, I do. I was like, that was in the, I do have a bathing suit. I mean I'm famously known for wearing a Speedo on my boat but this particular picture I'm in an actual bathing your bathing suit. Trunk. But you put, I'm gonna say this to you, Steve. Scott. Scott.

Listen. Damn it. I'm kidding. Billy and Bob. I'm fucking kidding. Bert. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You don't get, I'm fucking with you. I'm fucking, listen to this. It doesn't matter. Damn it. I'm kidding. Billy and Bob. I'm fucking kidding, dude. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You don't get, I'm fucking with you. I'm fucking, I'm, listen dude. It doesn't matter, fuck it. No, you don't.

It's late, it's late, it's almost noon. Dude, you can fucking, you can fucking, you can get trashed immediately all day long, and people, dude, the fact that they usually get pools dirty is psychotic. It was literally, it's never been cleaner. It's fucking psychotic. Yeah, I know. You probably had a leaf in it some dollars looking at your

hurricane clean your fucking up is on a leaf in what he would like one of the what are you talking about but i didn't just go crazy it's crazy and i'm gonna sue you fucking and they take a put a shirt on a mac i'm in the god damn pool please shirt on don't put a shirt on i like when you don't have your shirt on it motivates me and and you put you do play a pass down a little bit. Just a little bit.

You have your little V-cut, which I admire. I think it's fantastic. I think that you have your little fucking, you have your abs, and then you're, here, this goes down here. The cumb trails. To my big cock. You have a big cock. Huge.

Huge, huge. People know lots of people, though. Yeah, it's fucked up. Not many. But like Vegas in the last, I feel like Vegas now is so different than it used to be. It used to be this place where you came, you got a cheap hotel, they wanted you in the gambling

and you kinda had to dress up and you felt good about yourself. And now it's like this part of Vegas, Fremont Street was shitty, you didn't go there. You went downtown, you went to the Luxo, you saw a show, you went to dinner, you walked around and blah, blah. And now I feel like it's come around with this over here

is the fun part. Come down to old Vegas, hang out, have a fucking good time, it's cheaper over here. That's after you go to the Luxo, then come down here. I mean, go see you. And then come down here. 100% go see you. And then come down here. 100% go see you.

But... No, Vegas has definitely changed. When I started here, there wasn't the MGM Grand. I mean, they just had built it. No shit. Yeah. There wasn't New York, New York. There wasn't City Center.

There wasn't the Bellagio. There wasn't... The atmosphere now. There wasn't the wind. There wasn't the encore. Literally, nothing. Nothing down here. The Caesars was the... The Caesars and... Yeah, none of those things. The users that you the venue were the first crazy hotel at Luxor was the first. Yeah, what the fuck?

Well, how do you build that with you know? They when they first opened that they had to shoot that light up into the sky They had to turn it down because it was fucking with planes. Yeah, and yeah, and then they started building then they built The Aladdin yeah, and then when you walk walking inside and I was like, I'm inside but I'm outside. That was one of my horrible jokes, I never did it because I never got a laugh, but I said, there's three things you can see from outer space, the Great Wall of China,

the Luxor Light, and my cock. And it never worked, I said, nah, I'll take it out. It worked right here. It worked here, but it never would work in the show. I said, three things, the Great Wall of China, the Luxor Light line and my cock Yeah, you have to do it in front of two girls and two autistic kids Yeah, but it definitely it's definitely changed now and you live here you have a place here and you live in Florida

Yeah, you love Florida better No, I love both I mean I love here cuz I work and I get to do I get to be a rock star and then I go home and I just be a, just Joe Schmoe and sit in my pool. People in town flip out about you that you live there? There? Yeah. Well, I'm born and raised there, so they, I mean, you still get people that are like, yeah, you know, the same people ask, yeah. And my favorite thing, my, I'm literally my favorite thing ever, if you're in show business of any sort, the minute you take a day off, like it'd be a day off. I fly to LA to do like a podcast or do a show

or do something. I land, go to the hotel, and there'll be one little you got at the airport like, oh man, Carrot Top, man, you're not working anymore? I'm like, no, I just had a show last night, and I have a show tomorrow, and I'm on vacation. If they see you not on stage or in a setting like this, they think you put it,

I know I had a show an hour ago, I'm just taking, I'm having a drink at a bar. Right, right, right. They always say that. Oh, you're not working anymore? You're very personal. Where you been? You okay? You're very personal, dude. You okay? You get that a lot too. You get, like, there's nothing out in your life. Like, I don't know, because like I said, I follow you on Instagram, but I don't know if you're married, you got kids. I'm mistreating you.

Yeah, dude, you keep it real tight. I mean, you really, your life is real tight. Like, I don't know, like, you live alone. I don't really do a lot. You probably know my thing. I don't really do a lot of my personal life on anything. I mean, with the exception of doing like, except doing like, you know, things on my Instagram,

me and my scooter, I see a snake in the lake or something. But I don't talk about my, you know, much, yeah. I don't get in trouble, I don't really do a lot of, I don't go out a lot. Yeah. Is that because of who you are or you don't? No, I just, I'm just bored with everything. So I do my show and I go home

and watch Sports Center and pass out. That's it? Tonight I'm gonna go watch the end of, I can't see my show and I go home and watch Sports Center and pass out that's it tonight I'm gonna go watch the end of I can't see a show because I'm working but I can see the end of the Smashing Pumpkins they invited me over since they came to my show yeah so I'm gonna go over and watch the last two or three songs before dude where did we meet we met in Boston at Boston like comedy connection nope 25 years ago a comedy club longer maybe 25 years ago. At a comedy club? Maybe longer. Maybe 30 years ago. Yeah, Boston. We met, you were at Lansdowne Street

behind Fenway Park. You know? At Aerosmith's bar. Yeah. Mamekin. I was there. And you walked in, and I was just starting comedy. And you walked in, and someone just starting comedy and you walked in and someone said

Caratop's here. And I remember you walked by, you had an entourage around you, you walked by me and I just, I was like hey, hi, I'm Robert. And you were like hey man, how you doing? Do you remember? I think, I think, yes. I think I said, yeah, I think what I probably told you was, please don't talk to me. No, you, dude, I really thought we were going to make a connection.

No, we didn't. We didn't say anything like, I'm doing comedy. I would love that when people say that. I'm a young comic. I went, hey, I'm Robert. And you went, yeah. I've never met a Robert. I didn't meet you. My first Robert. But it's so funny that I remember that to this day. Like I remember when you walked in. I do too. I remember it. What was that? I have it in my notes. I was going to ask you about it. My cockpit?

Yeah. Dude, I remember you walked in. I was like fucking wow. And every time I see you, every time I'm like dude, I met him. That's great. Like I remember you walked in and you were a fucking rock star you walked in you went to the back Of the room and then you walked the fuck out All right, you stayed there probably you said hi to me and I said get out of here fucking Robert over here This guy's gonna be problems red team move in red team

So what do you I mean what's your plan? Dude? What are you? Are you just gonna you working until you're done? Yeah, I did there's a new thing in my show where I say, God, I've been doing this so long now, people ask me weird questions like, when are you gonna retire? And I always say, I always say in the interview, I hope I make it through this interview. And it gets a laugh and I just say, yeah, it could happen any second,

but I don't have a plan. I've got six more years of the Lux order as far as contracted now. But who knows, in five or six years when they ask me, or they do ask me if I wanna continue, I'll see where I feel in five, six years, but I don't think I have any plan on not. I don't know what I would do.

When I get off for a week and I go to my house and go on my boat, that's about three days, and I'm like, okay, I gotta go put on my sparkly shit and go on stage and do a show. Do a show, yeah. It's like I feel the same way. I'll take a couple weeks off in the summer and I'm at that end of that couple weeks,

I'm like, I gotta. I realized that during COVID, I was like, you know, I'm losing my mind. I can't do, not do anything. Yeah. And so. That's when I started following you. Cause you were on Instagram a lot.

Yeah, I was doing this every day. I grew a beard and fuck, I was. Yeah, because you I think you are getting your outlet. A lot of us are getting our comedy. Right, right. Sure. Through social media. And that's when you are popping. I was doing a whole bunch of me on. I think I just stole your thing, by the way.

So I. You started popping up. What if I what if I took it? And that was my thing? Yeah, I went on this night show I was like, yeah, what's up fuckers? Yep, you come to me you took the hair you Yeah, but I mean like what yeah, what are you gonna fucking do after this? I mean and what are you gonna do my question is what are you gonna do with all your stuff? It's where is your stuff. So's so weird you ask me that,

because I've got, like the George Carlin bit, I got stuff all over the place. I've got a warehouse here that's like literally... It's huge. Huge. Full of like all the way back, 30 years of props and comedy and stuff. I walked in sometimes, like, man,

that was a good one. I mean, I've got my dresser room is loaded from the head to the, I mean, gills. The loaded from the head to the gills. The guy from the Sebastian Pelham, I was like, what the f- dude, this is a dressing room. Oh yeah, it's like 30 years of crap, you know what I mean? And it's like a little dorm. And then in Florida, I've got a lot of stuff in Florida, so I don't know. I don't know what I would do with everything.

Someone just the other day said that, just as a joke, I said, you know, when I die, and they said, yeah, if you die, what do we do with all your stuff? I'll tell you what you do. And I said, leave it. I said, I said, I said, leave it. I said, no, I told them that night, I said, leave it. And they said, where?

I said, right where it's at. Yeah, let it be the greatest storage war episode in the history of storage wars. Just bid, and then they open it up, be like, is this what I think it is? And they go right to commercial. It's a Bill Clinton podium. It was a podium where the Monica Lewinsky head

would come up in a spring. I'd say, not now. And I did not have to. I did that on Lennon when I got in a lot of trouble for it. You did? Did they cut it out? Well, no, here's what happened, and I love telling this story.

So I go and rehearse, and I've been doing this show for a thousand, they love me there, and Jay's actually usually sitting there on his desk doing his work, and you come out, and it's kind of weird, there's 25 camera guys and crew and stuff,

and you know how it is, it's kind of weird, because you're supposed to do your act, but I love the rehearsal more than the show, because it's just, fuck, one of the camera crew and everything, right? So, and I would just walk through it. Please welcome, I'm gonna open with,

boom, this is da, da, da, da. And I had a, it was a coffee cup that had two Barbie legs like this on the coffee cup. So when you drank it, it looked like the crotch. So it was a coffee was a it was a coffee cup for Ellen or something, you know, just something horrible, horrible. And, you know, Jay's kind of there were any looks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Ellen, the good friend. I think I said, oh, I own the friend of mine, too. I think we'll be fine. I think, you know, I think just continue to let me. And I said, well, now I'm going to make a whole but I was just going to piss off one person. I'm going to piss off a whole bunch of people. But I just keep it down. Anyway, she's going to close the closing. I get down to the closing bit. And it don't you just keep it down? Anyway. Shoulda said it was a closing.

I get down to the closing bit and it's like, man, it's the best bit. And I mean, it's the closer and it's so strong. It's a podium, it's got the presidential seal on it, and it's got a buzzer green and a red buzzer. And I would stand behind it, I would do my Clinton impression. I did not have sex with these women.

And then you hit the eh, I did not eh. And then I'd say, ding. And then this head, I did not eh. And then I'd say, ah ding. And then this head, I had my foot and I just hit this pedal and this beret with a monoclonal head would come up just enough to see the beret. And I said, I did not, not yet. It just destroys.

I mean, the whole camera guys are fighting. Everyone's going, God damn dude, that's great. So we get to right before the show and they're getting makeup on and all that. And of course the lady that loves me the most is the practice and the standards and practice lady. She's just like, I mean, we know each other by name. You know, so she comes walking in

and she goes, she has her big clipboard. She's like, okay, you're not gonna like me. I'm like, oh god, what? Well, you can gonna like me. I'm like, oh God, what? Well, you can do the thing. I'm like, I can do the Ellen Kupf? She goes, yeah, you can do the thing, you can do the job. She's, everything I did, she said, I don't, can you not do the whatever one?

I said, if it's gonna be, no, I said, can I do the podium? That's all I care about, because that's my closer. She goes, yeah, I said, I can? I'll take out whatever else, just thank you for that she goes but but but you can't you can't you can't push put her put her head down oh yeah because so I said but it can come up she says it can come up but you can't you can't use your hand and put it down yeah and I'm like all right I mean the the laugh will probably still come with the head coming up but there's a big second laugh when I go, not now.

So I'm like, and I'm doing it live, I get to it, and we got time for one more, and I go, it's great. And the head pops up, and I'm like, don't fucking use your hand. So I use my elbow. Which is worse assault. Worse assault. And I'm done, and I just walk over, and she's like, Which is worse assault. I can tell. Worse assault.

And I just walk over and she's like, I'm like what? I'm in so much trouble. I said no. Why did you? I said I had to have an ending. It didn't have an ending. I'm sorry. I never forget that.

I always pushed the envelope a little bit on that one. The elbow's worse. There was one like. There was one that. That's like, you don't wanna touch her. There was one that, there was one that, like that one that I was just like, like dumbfounded by, you know,

like things you can do and that can't do. So one was when gay marriage became a big deal in certain states, right? There's like three states, four states that gay marriage was legal in. So of course I have to have a prop for this, you know? So I've got a, you know, United States of America thing on a cardboard, and I prop for this, you know, so I've got a you know, United States of America thing on a cardboard

And I said hey get you know gay gay gay this four states now gay. It's is it legal gay marriage is legal Here's a map to help you find out what states and had a picture of Ryan Seacrest on every state that had legal Gay marriage, right now. I know Ryan Seacrest and I know he's not gay. He's just a friend of mine I thought everyone makes the reference like if they want to do a Joke, they put in carrot up and it gets a laugh. Yeah, so I thought everyone makes the reference like if they want to do a joke they put in Carrot Top and it gets a laugh. So I thought Ryan Seacrest it's funnier than putting Elton John and so they're like, and I said, oh that got it silly and Jay's like, well you know Ryan, and I said, again I said,

well I know Ryan, can you dance like something else and I said, again, I said, well, I know Ryan. You won't buy it. No, you know, I get from him. Can you tell me something else? And I said, okay. So we had like no time to make a new prop. And so I'm like, the prop guys, do you have like little like dildos? And he's like, dildos? Am I, you know, like they sell these little rubber dildos on springs.

He's like, I don't know, we can send our runner down. So he's like, Susie, will you go see if the, what is it again? And I said, it's a little dildo. How do they have dildos on springs in the financial? Well, they have a, no, they're down, they had time like two hours to go down to it. To somewhere.

Someone, you know. The dildo and spring shop. On spring shop, dildo and spring shop. That's right. You know about that, that was great. Yeah. And everything you want. Every dildo is a price.

I have a punch card. One more dildo on spring, I get free dildo. So I glued them on the thing instead of that, and they want every punch crimes one more one more dildo in spring I get Yeah, so I glued them on the thing instead of that and they were they're going like this And I'm thinking here. I am on NBC doing this joke with these dildos bouncing Yeah, that was way worse than just a picture of fucking Ryan Seacrest I would do and that was fine the dildos are fine. We're good Scott. You're clear. It doesn't make sense I remember Patrice O'Neill the great great Patrice O'Neill, he was on Tough Crowd back in the day. And he had a joke about the DC sniper. I've told this

before, but it was a white man, all the news, white man in his 30s and balding glasses and blah blah blah. And then he says, he goes, and then we found out it was an N-word and a Buick. Oh, God. And they were like, you goes, and then we found out it was an N-word and a Buick. Oh, God. And they were like, you can't say Buick. And I, they, they, they, they beeped. Oh, God. Look at me. They beeped.

He doubted the Buick. You can't say Buick. On the show, they beeped out Buick. And instead of the, it wasn't a sponsor. It wasn't a sponsor. And they left the N-word. How great is that? It doesn't.

How great is that? Like, man, that is brilliant. And it's like. That's brilliant. You can't say Buick. It doesn't make sense. I got in that? Man, that is brilliant. That is brilliant. You can't say Buick. I got in trouble for that, by the way. Similar, not saying that, but I got thrown off Fox. I think I might still be not a band from Fox.

It's called the Billboard Music Awards. They have it every year. And I used to always be on it. Always, I was always on it. And me and Chris Rock were on it one time and we both came out please welcome Carrot Top Chris Rock we come out and he does his old top man what it be like you and then he says do some of your shit and I pulled out a you know whatever I had and we rehearsed it and the guy was like man that's great

live show full it's at the arena, you know. And I'm talking maybe 20 minutes before we go on, this guy that I've known for a thousand, he's the producer, two of these guys, and this guy runs over, he's like, I need you guys to add time. We need to add, could you add like a minute? So I said, yeah, yeah.

And Chris was like, what do you want? I said, just do, can you do two more props? And I said, well, that's all, I just brought these. He goes, well, can you get more? And I looked, my assistant, Eric, is standing right there. I said, Eric, go grab, and remember, it's gotta be TV clean. So I said, go grab the thing and the toilet seat

and the thing. He goes, great, it's TV's really squeaky clean. Do it, boom, live, and he looks, he's like, you got the time, and I do it. It's a toilet seat that has a seat belt on it, so when you eat a taco, now they had about 20 toilet seats, it was like a whole bunch of them, but this was the big ending one,

so I said I didn't have time to do both. I think I did the one with that lit up so the guys don't pee on it, which now they sell at Home Depot. I have one. So I had, like here's a seatbelt, here's a toilet seat with a seatbelt so when you eat a Taco Bell you can strap in, like click it in, and I was like, and it does, you know, that makes that thong or whatever run for the border. Yeah. And I think we had the Taco Bell sound effect and I said, Houston we have

a problem, and then thong, fucking crowd, he loves it, I mean, he loves it, going crazy. Chris Rock and I high five, we come off, and this guy's running at me, like running right at me. And I'm thinking he's gonna high five me and say, fuck yeah, he goes, you didn't say Taco Bell, did you? And I was like, what? He's like, you didn't say Taco Bell, was that fucking Taco Bell, you didn't say Taco Bell,

did you? I said, the seatbelt for Taco Bell, he goes, fuck he did. And they're all just, like, go to cut the go to life the New York for life He cut the fish so They banned me from ever doing yeah, because I gave them more time and it was a clean joke They didn't how was it my job to know what sponsors was one. It was Taco Bell was one of the sponsors Yeah, I'm a fucking comic. I'm not producing the show

Your job was to know that I shouldn't be... You talk to me. Are you gonna talk about Taco Bell and anything? We don't know. Ah, listen, dude. I can't tell you how fucking great... He said that you said, yeah, dude. I was... I love how humbling... He was reluctant. I just like...

I know, dude. I know. I know when you walked in and you actually like, we fucked up. As soon as you saw Danny's face, you're like... You looked at her and she went I'm sorry he sounded different nice and then you walked in you're like wait this isn't what the hell tricked me isn't Burke Chrysler this is a misdirection I don't want to help him more than he's helping me but listen dude I'm so excited when you when he

said you're gonna come in yeah everybody I told all the comics I'm so excited when you when he said you're gonna come in. Yeah, everybody I told all the comics I'm like we're gonna I got to carry it up on YK DVD. Yeah, they're like, that's fucking awesome Everybody here loves you. Thank you. All the comics here. Love you. Thank you I would love it you come down if you want to I know you get busy I know you you go home or whatever the fest is for tonight tomorrow. Yeah, Sunday my friends are Sunday night Who what's the band playing? Yeah, a lot of my friends are playing. Sunday night, what's the band playing? Insane Composy.

Insane Composy, yeah. Gonna be here, they're doing, they're singing. That's great. They're doing the comedy jam. It's a fucking blast, dude. If you and your friends and your publicists wanna come back, I can get your passes, so you can just come and hang out.

And you can say yes, I'm gonna do it. I'll definitely come down. Is there anybody that can stop coming in? What the fuck Paco? It's all right, don't worry about it. That's Paco. Thank God he saved us. Thank you for coming in.

We're trying to get out. He's a Joe Coy's cousin by the way. Are you really? No, he's not. No, he's not. But I got a couple questions for you and then we'll let you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What the fuck was the hell last hour? There were questions. But these are questions from the fans. Oh, your fans are my fans. Well, my fans are your fans. Okay, good job Good. They're very excited. We got a couple questions. Yeah, and then so there you go. Of course Luxor Carrotop He's one of the shows to see in Vegas if you're gonna go see something in Vegas you go see him He's a legend. Thank you a legend means you're old, but thank you. No, you're not old dude.

You are a legend and I'm so glad you're still doing it. Fresh, you fucking look fantastic. And you're one of the nicest. We're gonna win this whole thing? You're one of the nicest guys in the business. I see that from your Instagram. I see the stuff you've done. Thank you, appreciate it.

And I'm so glad I got to meet you in my lifetime. And I'm glad that we're friends now. Yeah, thank you. Yes, of course we are. Jim, we've always been friends. LAUGHTER