Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #557 | Che Durena | Shadow Banned

Episode Date: October 20, 2024

This week Bobby talks to Che Durena about P**n, Social media, and growing up homeless in Canada. FOLLOW Che Durena IG: @CheDurena FOLLOW Robert Kelly IG: @RobertKellyLive Support the show and get 10% off the best hummer ever. Use code DUDE at https://www.autoblow.com Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD.

This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, help me! You're ruining this! Where's the barbana, man? Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does!

Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. What's up, everybody? It's Robert Kelly. Welcome to another episode of YKWD. What's up everybody, it's Robert Kelly. Welcome to another episode of YKWD. What does that mean?

You know what, dude? Listen, I had the acronym before, every five, now everybody's going to fucking this, that T Y C and W X Z Y F U C K M O T H E R, all these fucking things. I did it first. we're here first. Are we the most successful? No, no, but we're the fucking first and that says something, right? We're here above the Comedy Cellar,

at the Comedy Cellar Studios, brand new. I mean, they replicated the Comedy Cellar table over there. Do we use that? No, we don't. Fuck, we said, oh, but here, fuck, what the thing? Anyways, I got Danny. We got the Tizzy Two is in the house. Hell yeah.

We got Danny. We got Joe. Joe, how you doing? Oh yeah, how you doing? What? What are you, auditioning for a bonfire when they fire me? Oh yeah. How you do it? What? What are you auditioning for, a bonfire when they fire me? Oh yeah.

And we got a very special guest. Danny, who do we got? We have Trey Durene in the house tonight. Trey Durene, now listen man, this is the first time we're meeting, and it's funny because you said burn the Jews. Now. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm kidding, you didn't say that. What did you say? That's what I heard. I can't remember now, because now I'm so focused on burning the Jews. Maybe you're selling it to me, I, whoa, whoa. I'm kidding. You didn't say that. What did you say? That's what I heard. I can't remember now because now I'm so focused on burning the Jews. Maybe you're selling it to me. I'm getting high off.

This is going to punch up live. This is going right to punch up live. What do you never know now, dude? You kids. I mean, you know? Me, I don't think I care about much. I'm like, leave me the fuck alone. That's kind of my thing.

Yeah. You don't care about much. I mean, first of all, you got a throwback look. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, do you look the mustache? The mustache is new. This is a new guy.

I'm like, I'm like, we're adjusting it slightly. Yeah, you look like you play ball in like 1980s. 82. It's a great thing. I bang a lot of chicks who like I would call them like stinky whites, like chicks. Well, I mean, that's I don't know if we can say that. The Jews, the whites, I mean, what's going on?

I think of a chick who has like a faded thigh tattoo. That's usually like my ballpark. And so this... Faded. That's such a great detail. Because she never took care of it. She never took care of it. She got that thing drunk. Oh, yeah. After a fair in a shitty town.

And she was like really hot shit in her small town, like in her 20s. And now it's it's it's not keeping up, but I'm there. Listen to me, man. I'm I'm fucking with you. Yeah, listen, bro. Look, anytime I see that raspy voice, like she used to have she used to be cute. Yeah. Kind of pixie. And then slowly turned into this thing. Too many tattoo tattoo too many beers

Too many little parties out in the woods as a teenage girl Yeah, she she was with the Matt Dylan guy back then and then she slowly went into some fucking chubby Ball guy who had a decent job. Yeah, and now she still kind of got it and she smokes a lot of cigarettes Literally fuck cancer. Yeah. I mean anyways, listen, you're cute. I love your afro I've never dated a black guy before but you're kind of you know, you're not black black Yeah, she's racist, but she doesn't know she's racist exactly. Yeah easy transition You know, I've met some of you you're good people. Yeah kind of shit. Yeah Yeah, you're not like pumpernickel black. I would never date one of those. Yeah.

But I definitely date one of you. Lila Filipino like Mexican black. That's what a lot of people think. I'm Latino. Most people think I'm Latino. Really? Well, you do. Well, it's I'll tell you what, man, it's Latinos back in the when I was coming up, they really distinguish themselves. But now the afro's back, the mustache is back. Well, and also because Dominicans are like, we're Latino and we're kind of like, nah, you're black. And so they're muddying the water is what's happening. Yeah. When they get in it. Whoa. Hello. This show's going right to punch up that live. God damn. God damn. That was terrible. I'm kidding.

Well, it is funny. Well, it's funny that Puerto Ricans don't like Dominicans. Dominicans don't like Puerto Ricans. How does that happen? I mean, I don't, I honestly, I never met Dominicans or Puerto Ricans. Still I moved to New York. I'm from Vancouver. We don't have any Dominicans. We have Filipinos, Indian people. That's, those are ours. Vancouver is, I mean, that town is woke. Yeah, it can be very woke for sure. One of my favorite towns in the world.

Vancouver, Victoria Island, love Victoria Island. Dude, if you ever want to like fuck off and do everything like two hours behind when you're supposed to, Vancouver Island is the best. A weird little town that has just stayed in its... It stayed kind of like, it's almost like as an antique, and people just go there and get away from all the big city shit, and they hang out on the island, and everything moves a little slower.

It's fucking awesome, dude. Great island, except for the Chinese food. Oh, you don't like the Chinese food out there? Well, I have a... I wish I had the photo. I'll find the photo. Yeah. We went for Chinese food. Me, my wife, I was on a Just For Laughs tour and that's the last stop. We went from St. John's Island.

Oh dude. Which is crazy. St. John's rules. St. John's, I think it's one of the biggest hidden gems in Canada. It's fucking awesome. It's hard to get to. You know, it's the, what, the highest northeast

you can go in North America. The north, the east, the most Northeast, or whatever the fuck it is. Like a flight from there to England is like five hours. Right. And that's where, when the Titanic sunk, they took all the people, survivors to St. John's Island. Yeah. They have an awesome downtown, but it is, it's another place.

It's Canada, but it's another version of Canada. Because it's so rural out there, you have these like this mix of human being that's like an Irish mixed with a Canadian. Yeah. And they also, you get two types of people that go out there, very industrious people that are like, I'm going to go out to this place that's not really completely developed yet and I'm going to be the person who makes the money there. Yeah. And then you have crackheads. Right. Those are the two people there. When I was

there last, a dude, we were shooting a movie and we had to stop the shooting because someone was shot someone because there was an actual shooting. Someone shot a guy in a KFC and then because St. John's is so small, within about 20 minutes, people had his Facebook up and were like, this is the guy who shot the guy in the KFC. Yeah. There's like what? There's like, I think 40 people that live on the island. Awesome. Like nobody out the. Yeah, there's like what? There's like I think 40 people that live on the ice and like nobody out there. It was great. It was such a great show to do there because they were like, even the way they talk is weird. Yeah. Yeah. But we wound up in.

We did all of Canada in between and wound up on Vancouver Island. And the last night went for Chinese food. It was the only place open. And they gave us rice in a, like a dirty, but pale, like a kid's it was a kid's beach pail. And we were like, do you have fried rice? And they were like, yeah. And we were like, can we have some? And they were like, oh, okay.

And they just came out and put this dirty, buddy, it had, I'm not even kidding, I have a photo of it. It had stains. On the outside. They used it for something else in the kitchen. I don't know, whatever. Who the fuck fuck knows? And they just washed it out and threw rice in it and stuck it on the fucking table. We ate it. We were starving. I loved it. That's weird that you come from such a, a woke, not why I think who was woke, but it's, it's,

it's hip, right? It's very hippie out there. Hippie is, I would say a more, um, accurate translation than woke them woke. Cause like, if you go like not in Vancouver, but if you like drive up in the mountains, you get into like Nelson and stuff, super hippie, but also like crazy anti-vax and stuff too. So that's not necessarily like in the direction of woke, like they're crazy anti-vax anti-vax. Yeah, they were like adamant, adamant. No, because the do I call them indigenous people? I think so. First Nations, First Nations. Yeah. Well, you can't like they can go up there and just fucking on the salmon run.

I went and saw the salmon. Yeah. And they can go in and just take the fish. Oh, yeah. But if you're a regular Canadian person, you can't no Not at all. Yeah, that's such a cool. They're like we gotta we gotta give them something. I'm gonna give them something We really fucked him over. I want my son to fucking Indian. Oh, yeah, so we can go to like like Do in you have like Indian privilege? Yeah, like go to a reservation It's one have to pay taxes. No taxes. Yeah, it's huge. Right? Yeah.

You could be an alcoholic. What? But I, sorry. No, but Vancouver, like there's, so there's like a wide range of people out there. Vancouver's kind of like, it's like somewhere between like Seattle and Denver, I would say. It's like we were going to be saying.

That's a good way of saying it. Yeah. It's got cool art. They're cool. They got a lot of Japanese influence, which is my jam. I love Japanese. They got the Japadog and stuff. Japadog.

I mean, I don't know if you should say that. That's kind of racist. I know. Every time I do say it, I'm like, maybe you should change the name, bro. You're making me like it too much. The Nip dog. Yeah. What is this?

Why are we going so racist already? Is Nip a racist thing? Wow. You're so young. No, I've never heard this. Oh my God. What was the other thing I said to you? Smoocher.

Smoocher, yeah. That's what when we were coming up in Boston, we had a lot of great names for gay guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If we were, instead of calling you queer or, you know. Say it. Fat. Yeah, there it is.

Now you say it, so we're even. Fat. Nice, all right, we're in. We're in, we're in. We're in. We're cooking. We're in. We're cooking with fucking smooches. It's like how the Illuminati do.

You all have to fuck a kid, and now we're all on the same page. Now we're definitely on PunchUp.line. This fucking podcast, I knew you were a piece of shit as soon as I saw you with your fucking baseball jersey. Oh, yeah, this fucking. Yeah, smooch it. Dude, he's a fucking smoocher,ch. It's just such a great word for Boston accent with the E-R-D-A. Dude, what are you a smooch? If you were talking to a dude too

much like at a party, what are you fucking? You guys, you smooches? What are you fucking? Smooch. And then I said, what was the other one I said, Danny, that you didn't understand? Ass was the asshole? No. Like you called Rich Vasa like a... Oh, he's going to be, oh, uh, what was the other one I said, Danny, that you didn't understand? Uh, ass was the asshole. No, like you called Rich Foss said like, Oh, he's going to be, oh, rich, rich. He's I was like, Rich Foss is going to be bullshit at you. Bullshit at you. You never heard that? No, no, no. It's a Boston thing too.

Dude, he's fucking bullshit at you right now. He's like, he's trying to fuck you. Is that kind of no, no, not at all. That'd be a smoocher. Okay. That's a smoocher. Take another guess. Try to, try to guess what it means.

Bull. He's bullshit at you. He's bullshit. When you're bullshit. OK, that's a smoocher. Take another guess. Try to guess what it means. He's bullshit at you. Dude, he's bullshit. When you're bullshit, it's mad. Yeah, yeah. You're bullshit. You know what I mean? You're bullshit at somebody.

Oh, OK. So you're pissed off at them. Dude, I'm so old. I thought this we were still in the realm of gay stuff. No, we're getting there. OK. We're getting there, you fucking cutie patootie. We're going to get there. You shut it down, you flirting little bitch. Hey, dude, two couple of smooches on a podcast.

It's funny, too. So you're from Vancouver, originally? Well, like Vancouver, I grew up like an hour outside, like suburbs kind of shit. Yeah. Right. And your parents are both... One's white. Yeah, my mom's white. She grew up in Quebec, like Anglophone, Quebecois. What is called Anglophone? So she's English side of Quebec Anglophone Anglophone. Yeah, you know what man you Canadians get a lot of shit, but I I really got some words I have an infinity for you guys. I really like you guys Thank you on the phone because you come across as regular white people like American But we got some weird shit cooking up there. Yeah, but then you go off into these tangents.

You say Z instead of Z. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a weird thing. Yeah, we say washroom instead of bathroom. That's another one. Yeah, we got a whole plethora of weird little things. And yeah, if you go into all the strange corners of our country, that's where it's like, OK,

it's very different out here. Yeah, it's fucking you. Yeah, it can be. It's weird because it goes very rednecky and then very, very, very woke. I don't wanna use the word woke. It's so overused. What's the word? But yeah, you'll have like very progressive areas.

Progressive, that's the fucking shitty other word I wanted to use. You get super progressive areas of Canada, but yeah, you also get places where they don't give a fuck about anything, dude Like yeah, it's it's a and we it's a wide range of different cultures like if you're in Toronto It's like you have like the largest Caribbean Culture like outside of the Caribbean where like you can get like a Jamaican patty over there that you can get pizza in New York

Yeah, it's a is a is a kind of rules It's the, Canada rules. The only shitty thing is it's so big and you have to travel so far to get to all these places. It rules, but the one thing I like about Canada too is that you have the prettiest woods, you know, the nature, and you guys preserve your land a lot, you know what I mean? I can't wait till we take it. I really can't wait. So we're just like, listen, dude, we're going to take this honestly. I was, you can't win.

Oh no, there's no, there's no way. That's why we team up with you guys. That's usually. And if they were, if America was like, we need some of it, we would probably be like, all right, all right. Yeah. We're like, okay, we're going to give it to you anyways. Yeah. No, take it. But we, we had plans. You guys don't know this. We were going to give Toronto to you anyways. Yeah, that's what we fucked it up for the last couple of years. Exactly. Take that. We've been making it super overpriced so you can do it. When I went to Edmonton, which is another weird place to go to because that's oil. Yeah. That's like your Texas. Yeah. Right. It was weird because it was like 10 o'clock at night and it was still light out. Yeah. That's it. Depends on the time of year. of year because when you get up to some of those Alberta cities,

they start to go up really up north. Have you ever been up to like Fort Mac? No. Oh, dude, you'd probably make a lot of money up in Fort Mac. That's where all the oil dudes are. Who's calling me a smoocher? I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go. You're saying that I get it. They would love you up in Fort Mac, dude. That glistening head. Those roughnecks, is that what they call them? Yeah. Just go up there, hey guys. But up there, that's where the big oil fields are.

And that's where the time change starts to get really weird. Yeah, I love Canada. I'm actually filming comedy camp. We're filming a TV show, a pilot up in Quebec. I forget the town. But we're going up into the woods of Canada. We're going to do it in America. Cheaper?

It's cheaper. Taxes are better. That's what sucks, man. The one thing that we, like the thing, the movie and TV's is our thing. We invented it. We perfected it. And now you can't even do it here. Because it's so expensive.

It's so expensive. It's so expensive. There's so many bullshit rules. Yeah. They give you that. That's why when like New York City was shit to film, they used to film everything in New York in the eighties and like early nineties was Toronto. Oh really? Yeah. Every all this stuff you saw on TV was Toronto. Yeah. Toronto was New York. You, you can't tell it's New York city. No, it's like, yeah, you, you put a fucking some scaffolding up and some shit and you're like, Hey, we're here. We are. We're, we're cooking.

It's it. It's New York city. So they just went to Canada because it was, uh, it was cheaper and they gave you such tacking tax incentives. And then, uh, was it Giuliani and Bloomberg was like, fuck that. And. And they made the studios. They gave all these tax incentives and then they took all that shit away. Yeah. Well that's how it always is. It's like we, I mean, I just made that up. Did you actually, you can just make facts up, dude. You make facts up. I'm just bullshit. It's going to, people are going to take that and fucking don't New York's fuck now. They used to have tax incentives. The city's gone to shit, bro. I feel like that's everyone on the internet now,

but are legitimately, not everyone, but a lot of people are just con artists. Like you'll be scrolling your Instagram and it'll be like, did you know that you're a pussy? And like someone's gonna fuck your wife unless you buy my course. And you're like, what? And they're like, you know.

That is true. Everyone. Dude, I took the course. You took the course? My wife was, yeah, she was about to fuck the plumber. And you're like I need this course. And I took the course and we're fucking again. And so it works.

The course works. Yeah, but he's with us. Oh, okay. I watch her fuck the plumber. There's a little hiccup in the plan. Dude, well here's the problem. Like this whole Dave Navarro, um, uh, you see that incident with, uh, what was it? Uh, what are they? The Russian thing is no, what's the band,

um, that they got into a fight, not gave Navarro. Yeah. Uh, what's, what's the big fight they had on stage? What's that band? I know they're not going to know cause they're nerds. But I did see this. I did see this guy. Oh, fuck me. It's the, they fought on stage, literally Boston on stage and they started. Was it nine inch nails? No, no, no, no. It was nine. Who was it? Yeah. Google it. Stop saying that. I said Jane Jane's addiction. Jane's addiction. Yeah, very similar. Yeah. Kind of same area of time. But Jane's addiction was on stage and they got into a big fight. The lead singer went over to the guitarist and fucking pushed him and threw a punch. And the whole thing was based that he was, you know, I started so I'm like, you know what, I'm not going to just make an assumption. I'm going to investigate. I'm going to use my brain.

I'm going to go. And so I read this stuff that happened. Apparently it was, you know, Dave's an asshole and he had the music up too loud and the singer couldn't hear his voice and you know, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, fuck him fuck the guitarist. What a con and what an asshole and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And then I talked to a friend of mine who's friends with the guitarist. He's like sweetest guy in the world.

Yeah. He's like, nah, nah, dude, this stuff happens. His way is to do that. He was just losing his mind and he came at it the wrong way. That guy's the nicest guy in the world. He's been through so much. His mom got killed in front of him. Jesus. And I was like, I feel so bad.

So I was ready to just go out there and be like, fuck him and fuck. I'm done. No, that's the thing is you never know what the fuck is the truth anymore. There's so much bullshit floating around. And I'm just kind of like, I'm just starting to check out. I'm like, I'm going to talk about my bullshit. I'm going to put on my fucking fun shows and do my shit. I don't really want to get invested in everyone

spinning these lies all over the place. Like the the Russian thing that happened where apparently all these podcasters were funded by the Russian government and you're like, I don't even know what the fuck is real anymore. And they're like, no, we didn't know. We didn't know that we were getting paid by the Russians. And it's just like, I'm just, I'm checked out.

Well, I'm gonna give you a little dad thing right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like when you have a kid. Pass it on. Probably won't because your generation doesn't want to fucking sacrifice anything. I actually had a vasectomy. You did? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had a vasectomy. I got it. How old are you? I'm 32. I mean, what a piece of shit. You're a fucking garbage. Well, the thing is I, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Listen to me you self-centered I all me me me me I want it all for me I just want to spend the rest of my life trying to fucking me me

This whole thing and I don't want my mom and dad to have any grandchildren. I don't want any responsibility except for me What a piece of shit you are Garbage I can why don't you just pull out like the rest of us and roll the dice? I was for a long time. I was... Men, roll the dice! I now... You smoocher.

I can get it reversed if I want. You're not gonna. But if I choose to... Why would you get a vasectomy? How old are you? I'm 32. What's wrong with you? Yeah, I, I.

Dude, in five years, your jizz isn't gonna work anyways. Dude, that's probably right. No, why did you get one? But I got one because the way, like the trajectory of my career is going, things are going well. Things are going better than I ever thought they would go. Yeah, okay.

And I'm like the only thing that would really fuck this up is an unplanned kid. I am I am really irresponsible with my come. Yes, I'm fucking word these faded tattoo chicks with the gross thigh tattoos. I'm dumping nuts in these girls. Stop dumping. Hoping that they're on an IUD. Like, dude, if I brought if I got one of those chicks pregnant, that would really fucking ruin my day. I wrote it, wrote her family fucking genealogy to you.

You fucking brought one of these into the fucking gene. All our kids got sickle cell now. Just to see a redhead Afro fucking racist. Yeah. With a fucking big old gap to listen, dude. I mean, I understand what you're saying. I get it. But look at you. I mean, the thing that makes sex exciting is that you're rolling the dice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're rolling. You might get, you might

get something. So you might, you might get something. You might, you know, one of those things might get up there, might get some itchy or you might get something. You might get something. You might, you know, one of those things might get up there. Might get some itchy or scratchy. You might get something, but you know, something warty, some, some herpes, something even worse. I mean, these, these are the, the, the war wounds of fucking being a player. But I've had plenty of war wounds. Okay. Yeah.

I got, I just didn't want a kid. Yeah, I didn't want a kid. But I had... Because there's already a couple abortions caused by me. You did a couple murders? A couple murders. I got at least two. Well, I didn't do them.

They did them. I'm still going to heaven. You just paid for it. Yeah. No, they're free in Canada. Wow. Yeah, dude. Wow.

That's progressive. That's a game changer. That's what... See, the progressive country, sometimes people get upset at your jokes, but you get abortions for free. Pretty good deal. Yeah, we should both do that.

Abortions for free, look, yeah. Yeah, Canada, move to Canada, get free abortions. Move to Canada, I mean, that's fantastic. I mean, they should be free. They should be. And look, the people that say, look, unplanned, I mean, we're banging,. I mean, we're banging. It's over.

We're banging. Yeah. Kids are banging. Yeah. And I understand if you don't want a baby. Of course. People like, you know, and religion is dead. You don't believe in anything.

No. No. I was raised with nothing. You believe in the algorithm. Yeah. The algorithm is like the modern day rain dance. And I, please, what do I need to do to make you like me? I need just some views, just some views.

I just picture you pulling an orange and lighting incense in front of a fucking iPhone. I need this video to blow up. I really need this one to go viral. I mean, listen, having a kid, I get you. You're making sense with banging these fucking trash people. But if one day you want a kid, isn't that? Then I reverse it.

You reverse it. Then I reverse it. What if it doesn't reverse? Then there's all these other options. I can adopt. I can do a whole bunch of other stuff. What do you want to adopt for? What are you going to adopt?

I don't know, a kid. So I'll give them. You don't want to adopt. I'll give them a Chinese one. No, why? Because I think if I adopt one, I'm for sure going to get a Chinese one. You just want a prodigy.

Yeah, exactly. You want a kid that fucking plays the violin at two exactly one of these little smart Chinese because they're like athletic and they're smart They the Chinese I'll get them in gym. Well, they're not athletic. They get beaten to the athleticism Well, I'll do that. You have to get one of those Chinese coaches. Oh, yeah. Hey, that's Japanese Yeah, do the correct noise for the group. Nope, that's still Japanese. I can't. What is Chinese? Yeah, Chinese.

Chinese would be like, hot dog. Yeah, that's it. Is that more? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Why does that sound more racist than hey? I mean, maybe it sounded like a word. No, but I think karate kid made hey, not racist.

Yeah, true. Yeah, I don't know, dude. Having a kid, here's what having a kid, and I really believe this, and I'm going through this now. Yeah. When you have a kid, it does take away your funny. Yeah. Because being where you're at right now, I remember being there.

I remember just being a piece of shit. Just a hunk of shit. You know what I mean? I mean waking up whenever you wanna wake up, doing whatever you wanna do. I mean just this poor decisions and loving every minute. I'm loving it. And you know, there was nothing,

even if you have a girlfriend, it's still your third. It's fucking fame, comedy, light, money, then me, then you, you're fourth. Maybe fifth, mom, you know what I mean? But then when you have a kid, man, and you create, so your whole thing is I want to get all this thing, I want to get all this stuff and then I'll settle down. That. Right. That's your plan. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get all this. Get it all. Get all the stuff. Get stock it. Yeah. Like a, like a prepper. Yeah. Right. And then meet the girl hopefully without thigh tattoos. Right. Yeah. Meet a nice little, a clean one. Yeah. Like a nice Canadian girl. Yeah. Right. With a progressive parents that are going to accept you. Yeah. And, like a nice Canadian girl, right? With progressive parents that are gonna accept you.

Yeah, and so like she's vaguely foreign, like racially ambiguous. Speaks a couple languages. Yeah, so we're cooking. Thought, yeah. And then you settle down, and then you have a kid, and then you get the house, and then you start doing all that shit.

That's the plan, right? Yeah, what happens when you do that? Because I did that. Yeah. You start to love your life. I when you start to all you want to do is be home and be with them. Yeah. I want to be home. Yeah. I want to take a bike ride with my kid. I want to be there when he gets home from school and just shoot the shit on the couch for a couple of minutes. What happened at school? Yeah.

And then, you know, go out and take a ride with him, listen to him. You understand, I did comedy seven nights a week for 20 something years. 20 years. Every night I'm out. Yeah. Six o'clock, see you later. Not home until fucking whenever.

Yeah. And now I just want to run home and catch them before they go to bed. And it's like when you're happy, happiness, happiness and joy kill funny. You can't be. You have nothing to complain about. You're happy.

You let shit go. Who cares? Ah, let it go. Yeah, who cares? Yeah, I'll let it go you need that fuck you you need that dirty dick you need that that that fucking you know Oh, what I just do yeah, you need all that shit. You need it to be about you to keep that edge Yeah, and I'm trying to find that edge on the other side of this. What am I going to write? Happy jokes. I really hey guys, how you doing? There's an awesome having a kid. What?

There's no stuff of like making fun of the kids or the family life and all that stuff. Like I feel like that's every comic when you have kids. Yeah, it's like, oh, now there's this wealth of material of just the shit my kids do. It's hard to do right now because it's too good. Well, my stuff was always about, you know, banging and people suck and fuck him and they suck and suck my

dick and fuck off. And you know, it was all crazy shit. Yeah. What am I going to write a joke about me? Dude, me and my kid went to the park. It was awesome. I know my kid all day. What a fun day. You know what I mean? Maybe. Maybe there's something in there, dude. I got to find it. I got to find it. I mean, he is funny, which is I didn't have one of those fucking chidrules. Yeah. You know, those kids that are just obedient. Yeah. That's part of it. You're worried that you're going to have like a dud. Well, my kids, my kids, he woke up first day of school, alarm went off. We're all sleeping in the basement because we just moved.

So his phone went off and he went, then it was like a couple minutes of silence. And then he just let out a, he let out a fart that could have got him into the Boston Pops. I mean dude, it was orchestra perfection. Yeah, yeah. It was a song. And, yeah. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr You got it. You didn't have to get a fucking vasectomy. I mean, I think if you saw how reckless I was with my dick, you would... Buddy, you're talking to reckless dick. That was my nickname. Reckless Dick Kelly. Reckless Dick Kelly.

Are you kidding me, dude? I went to Brazil twice. Dude, I've gone down on prostitutes. Oh my God. I had a reckless dick and a reckless mouth. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Who are you talking to, dude? Okay, no, I will take this advice to heart. Dude, you don't know reckless until you're eating a girl out who you paid in a third

world country. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's reckless. Jim Norton's one of my best friends. He was raw dogging it down there. That's reckless. Jim Norton's one of my best friends. He was raw dogging it down there. That's reckless. Well, yeah, I heard the prostitution in Brazil is fucking top notch.

That's the good shit. But I like I caught chlamydia. I got chlamydia six times. Oh, that's drippy dick. Yeah, drippy dick up several times. Oh, you're banging trash. Yeah. All right.

So I get what you're doing. Okay. So we're on the same level. You're just banging garbage. A lot of garbage. I mean, some good gets mixed in. But when the garbage comes around, they're like, hey, I'm never like, no, I'm, I won't say what see this is because I don't want to give it away. But there was this one show I did where after the show, there was this chick and she didn't look cute at the show. But then she started messaging me and she was sending me pictures. And I was like, maybe she is cute. So the next day I lined her up and another chick after. And I'm like, the second chick is for sure cute. First chick shows up, not cute. Fucking gross. You made a mistake.

Oh yeah, pretty heavy, pretty gross. We start making out, tastes like cigarettes. Nice. Tastes like cigarettes and prosciutto. And I'm like, whatever, she's here. Like I'm not going to, I'm smashing it out. Smash it out. She goes, then when I'm like, the next chick's cute though. Next chick shows up, not cute either. Really? Yeah. She had filters and all this shit on. And then I'm like, well, she's here. Gonna smash it out. She also tastes like cigarettes. Back to back, just like pigs. Funny, I'm from the eighties and nineties. Every chick tasted like cigarettes. Back to back, just like pigs. Buddy, I'm from the 80s and 90s.

Every chick tasted like cigarettes when I grew up. I think when she's hot, it's like a novelty. I kind of like it. Yeah, it's kind of dirty. I like a nice cigarette mouth. But when you thought it was going to be better than it was, and then you get disappointed twice in a row, you take two losses.

I'm going to tell you why we're so alike on this. I did a play in Boston, uh, professional, like, you know, real. Yeah. And, uh, it wasn't like community theater. It was real. The last night, the stagehand girl, who I'm pretty sure had autism, because we didn't know what autism was back then. It was just a chick. I was getting naked, changing my clothes, and she was on the stage in the shadows, just like this. Just staring at you with the mouth open.

It's like almost drool coming out of her. I was just like, hey, what's up? And she's like, hey. She goes, you. Doing my, I was just like, Hey, what's up? And she's like, Hey, she goes, you want to ride home? I was like, yeah. I remember I got it too. She had a really beat up fucking Toyota Corolla. And, uh, and I remember we got in the car. I was like, why don't you let me drive? Cause I had to figure out, like, I'm not taking her to my, I'm not. I was like,

we're going to do this on the way home yeah let me drive and she we fooled around on the way home yeah and I remember as one point she wanted a kiss I was like listen man listen man You're fucking banging, Gus can I have a kiss? And you go, listen man. This is man. This is, I don't know. I mean, that's kind of, I was like, that's kind of intimate. I used, I use girl philosophy back on.

Like I don't know you. Yeah. Oh, that was my, I love doing that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love doing that. I love. You're overstepping my boundaries. Reversing their shit on them.

Yeah. Was one of the greatest things. My therapist ever taught me your therapist taught you this because look, I'm an angry guy. I have anger issues. Okay. Danny, right? No, you're perfect. That made me angry. Yeah. You're like, this fucking son of a bitch, mocking me or something. I'd rather take aggression than passive aggression. So he told me, he said, just tell her she hurt your feelings next time. Yeah. And I was like, what?

He goes, just say you hurt me when you say that. Yeah. Because that's what they do. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And that fucks you up, right? Yeah, yeah. We got into a fight, and I was like, I was ready to punch a fridge

I love punching fridges. I'd never hit a woman, but I'll beat the fuck out of the fridge I will fuck up a fridge. Yeah, you want to have you got an LG in there? You want to know how good a relationship going look at the fridge if you can back her up and there's punch marks all around her head If you can back her up and there's punch marks all around her head Buddy I I I love I love but I caught myself and I just went you hurt me. Yeah, she was like what? Yeah, I was like you hurt my feelings when you do things like that Yeah, it reminds me of my childhood and you you know and and the things that happened to me. And she was stumped. She was like, I'm sorry. And I was like, thank you. And I could see her anger just rising.

Oh my God. You're like, I'm winning. I'm winning. Reverse it. Anytime. Just go, you hurt me. They don't know what to do. Yeah. Yeah. They don't, they have no idea. They're like, I'm, cause they have, now you have to play by your rules. Yeah.

Your rules are emotion. Your rules are, you know, letting real feelings. Okay. I'm going to let it out. Yeah. You know, but what they really want, they want you fucking flip it out. Oh, of course. Yes. Yes. Because when you're, when you're playing dude rules against chick rules, dude rules are like, I'm logically going to make an argument that makes sense. They're like, I'm using fairy tale shit. I feel this. I like it's all it's nothing's

tangible. So it's like, how do I, I can't grab this. It doesn't make it. She can just be like, well, that's not how I feel. And it's like, well, what's my argument for that? Yeah. My wife switched it up though. Know what she added? Yeah. She added a new fucking Kung Fu move. Oh, let's go. She added pauses.

Pauses? Pauses. Oh, so she goes pause. I need to. She just. So say something to me. Just say anything to me and ask me a question. Yeah, like how?

But not angry, but like, ask me a question. Yeah. Like, but like, but like, you know, not angry, but like, like we're in a fight. How could you do this to me? Well, when you, When you... Just to fucking build that tension. When you... When you say those things to me... It makes me feel... I mean, can you feel it building up in you? Yeah, dude.

Cause I'm like, yes, fuck it. I don't know if I get it. Yeah. She felt she found a new way to get to buy anger. You're always trying to find a way to get to your anger. Yeah. Cause if you snap, you're the one. Yeah, exactly.

You're the one dude. Especially in public. Oh dude. But one of the first fight we ever got it was on the boat. We, exactly. You're the one, dude. Especially in public. Oh, dude. One of the first fights we ever got in was on the boat. We went to Martha's Vineyard. Okay. Yeah. When we first started dating.

Yeah. And I was you back then. I was me, me, me, me, me. I got a gig on Martha's Vineyard. I'm working with Kevin Knox, one of my idols back then. Yeah. And she was like, maybe I could go with you. And I was like, who's this? with you. And I was like, whew, whew, whew, whew.

Already right from the suggestion. I'm trying. Are you fucking serious? Yeah, I want to bang a Kennedy. I want to, you know what I mean? I'm going, I want to fucking eat Carly Simon's Snatch. You know what I mean? I have all my, I want to go.

Because when they go, now all of a sudden, you got to, what do you want to get? What do you want to eat? Where do you want to go? And also, you're like at work with your friends. You're like hanging out with the boys when you're at this thing. And now you're kinda like, it's like bringing your girlfriend

to the dude's hangout. And we went and it was a fucking clusterfuck. Yeah. And it was just, I was just, ugh, fuck, you know, that thing. Now, I love being with my wife now. I fucking wanna be with her all the time. Now, the only person I wanna be with my wife now. I fucking want to be with her all the time. Now, the only person I want to be with is her and him. I can hang out with my wife for fucking seven months in a studio and we don't, I love being

with her. Back then though, when I was a piece of garbage like you, when I was just fucking dicking it, right? The next day we're on the fucking stupid ferry back and Yeah, and she's like, what do you want? I'll go downstairs and get food. I'm like, I don't get me a get me an egg sandwich with ham and cheese Yeah, she comes back with a turkey sandwich with mayonnaise You're just like what the fuck is this and I go with it, right? Yeah, I go I go what I go with so you be her. Just come back up.

Just go. I got you a turkey sandwich. I wanted an egg sandwich with cheese. What's the turkey sandwich? What's the difference? I don't know. One's a fucking egg. It's a different part of the bird.

Well, just have it. I don't know if they had an egg sandwich. What did you ask? I didn't. I just looked at quickly what they had in the tray and then I got that. All right, now just be quiet while I fucking... I asked you to get me an egg sandwich. Why don't you just come back up and ask me? I didn't want a turkey sandwich. I don't want a fucking turkey sandwich. I wanted a fucking egg sandwich.

You could have came up and just said they don't have egg sandwiches. They have this or that and I wouldn't have said turkey. Why do you gotta fucking... And then you know what she did? She let me go on and let it build and I'm grinding. And people are looking at me. I get a fucking and then you know what she did? She let me go on and let it build. Yeah, and I'm great and people are on looking at me Yeah, I'm a fucking and then she just went they didn't have egg sandwiches. I'm sorry Everybody went what an asshole. Oh, yeah. Yeah She let it go no fucking scream. Yeah, I was like Tell her about the egg sandwich.

It's what you're not asking me when I want it. Oh, it's terrible. Anyways, you have me and you have something similar. What's that? So you have this, first of all, I want to get a huge on the internet. I'm doing well. I'm doing well.

Because, dude, when I came up, and people don't understand this, and I've talked to, I'm living through different stages. I've lived through, when I first came up, and people don't understand this, and I've talked to, I'm living through different stages. I've lived through, when I first came out, getting on Evening at the Improv, The Tonight Show, Let them in Late Night, that was your goal. That was your goal. I mean, comics, that's all they wrote for,

was clean material to get on TV, and you were set. That was the thing. And I was always the mindset of, look, that's not me. I can't, I have to, I'm a piece of shit. I was in juvie hall, I bang, I have sex, I have anger issues, all this stuff. I had to write that stuff because that's the only thing that made sense to me.

I couldn't write a joke about a topical thing. It just never made sense to me. That's why write a joke about a topical thing. Yeah. To get it just, it just never made sense to me. That's why, like when I first saw Rogan and, and I, we came up with, you know, Dane and Patrice and, and, and Billy and all of us, we were kind of just doing our own thing, not really worrying about that. We never thought about that. We just wanted to make these people laugh and then each other, you know what I mean? Yeah. Um, So we went through this whole comedy

boom where that was the thing. And then it died. There was a million clubs. They all went away. And then all of a sudden, you know, now I'm going through this one where it's social media, where people are becoming famous. I came up, you were open mic, you went to hosting, you became a strong middle-er, to where the headliners couldn't follow you, then you started headlining, and then you would headline to where people were like, you gotta use this guy, you gotta use this guy,

and that's the way you'd get in, and then you'd do colleges were a big thing, and then you'd move to New York or LA, you wanted to be funny or famous, and then you'd get an agent, you'd go to a festival, you'd do a showcase, and then that's the trajectory of the career. You'd get in there. Now, none of that matters. You could go on social media, build up a following, and once you get into that thing where you start getting people on your

page, you become famous on your own. And then you have more agency over your audience and building your audience, but you're still a slave. I don't know if slave is the right word, but you still have to work within the bounds of these platforms because one of the biggest things I deal with is like I'll post Something and they're like no no no no this type of shit doesn't fly on here Yeah, but you still but you do you I've seen some it's it's outrageous. Yeah. Yeah, I do And you but you got beyond that how did you get beyond?

How did you get beyond that? It's just honestly you deal with like I've been shadow banned so many times you have oh, yeah How do you find out if you're shadow banned? So now Instagram and stuff will straight up show you. They'll show you if you go into your, your account status, it'll show you if you're shadow banned. Let's do this right now. Oh yeah. Yeah, we can do it. Cause look at this is going to hurt because I feel like I'm shadow banned. Yeah. But I might just not be good. And then you're going to be like, Jesus Christ.

So where are my account settings? Let's do this. Okay. So if we go, if we, yeah, if we're in here, we go all the way to the bottom. Yeah, go to the bottom. And then we go to account status. Yeah. And then we can look in here. No, you're good, you're good.

You do have removed content though. What does that mean? That means something got taken down. Yeah. You can appeal it. How many of you can appeal it? We've already appealed it, it was a bone to pick clip. Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Well, that sucks. That means I'm just not fucking popular People are doing all this stuff that is like algorithmically appealing and as much as they say like oh, it's all the algorithm It's not there's people who are pushing certain people and suppressing certain people and they move dials What do you mean? Who what people so I can't speak directly to who this person is. You know, though. Well, not specifically who's on the other side of it. Right. But they're, a buddy of mine was trying to get verified on a platform. He was big, like millions of followers, and they wouldn't verify it. And then he reached out to his agent. They're like, oh, you says you don't meet certain qualifications. Then he changed his platform so he met all the qualifications. Then he bugs his agent to poke the people on whatever social

media platform this is. And then eventually they got back to him. He's like, listen, there's a group of 15 to 20 Gen Z popular people who kind of have a stranglehold on who gets verified on this platform. And they don't like you, and they don't like your content, and so they won't verify you. So it's true. Yeah. It's people. Oh it's very cabal. So it is. There's people that don't, they likes, because I had a clip went two million. Yeah. And then the other ones, the

other ones I thought were just as funny, if not funnier. Yeah. No. It's not all...and then they also do shit where they'll push some content and not push other content because they're trying to get you addicted to posting. They're trying to get that dopamine...you get addicted not from winning every time. You get addicted from winning inconsistently. So it's gambling. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

So they're just using gambling techniques. Well, 100% 100% they in that this stuff has been Proven and shown and they they know it's in the algorithm so and that's part of it why it's shitty is because You do have more agency in your career and you have more agency in in hooking people and and having your own audience and communicating With your own audience, but now you have to deal with the other bullshit Which is these platforms which are these faceless organizations. Some people have massive YouTube accounts,

and then they'll get a video flagged. And they're like, hey, can I talk to someone about why this got flagged? And there's no communication. I have buddies who, when they get flagged on something, they literally need to go on Twitter, tag YouTube, like YouTube support, and then get that to get enough traction to be like, hey, why is it?

And then someone reaches out and go, Oh, sorry, we'll fix this. Cause now people are paying attention to it. So they're just trying to get you to get more people to go to the thing before they give you any attention. So you have to, wow, that's, and it cause it's sad because YouTube was the content creators place. It was like, you could go there and have an idea and be creative and people would find it. And now, so you have to become bigger than them.

Yeah, you have to become big enough that if you make a stink, people pay attention. So it's almost like SAG, where you have to, to be in a SAG movie, you have to be in SAG, but you can't get in sag unless you're in a sag move. Yeah, like it's like this double edged sword. Yeah. And it always wanted to use that. Yeah. That was so glad I was double edged sword. Wow. So so like so your social media.

Yeah. Describe it in 400 words or less. I would say it's all pretty raunchy content. I'm going to take a break while you do this. It leans towards the sexual. A lot of collabs with like OnlyFans artists and stuff like that. Artists. Yeah, they're artists is what some of them are doing. So that's porn, right? Oh yeah. OnlyFans is a lot of porn. I don't do porn. I don't do any like OnlyFans shit. You never did that where you had a mask on, like a Scooby-Doo mask where you're getting your wingwong sucked by some chick? Honestly, I think if I launched OnlyFans would do really well because so much of my shit is OnlyFans adjacents and I've collabed with so many OnlyFans chicks. Why porn? How did you get in that?

It just kind of what I started reacting to and what I started working with and then it just started growing off of that. And it's just the direction I went in. I've always had like I've talked about sex a lot in my comedy and so it was kind of a natural progression of like what I find funny what I want to talk about what I like to riff about so it didn't it wasn't too outside of it was my wheelhouse of what I do the have you ever have you ever banged these porn girls I banged one porn star I won't say who I can tell you off there but I won't say who it was. Was she popular?

Yeah, she's popular. Big? Yeah. Like big now or big? Big now and big then. She's been in it for a while. She's been in the game for a minute? Been in the game for a minute.

OK, now here's the thing. I want to know. Yeah. Was it amazing? She did a great job. I was so nervous and so drunk that I was why one of my worst performances I've ever put out there really Oh, I was terrible dude. I did Yeah, you were you were in the big show. I know and I was like man. I'm really fucking fumbling right now

I really choked it really choked. Why'd you get shit face dude? I mean I you you're you're hanging out You're getting a little nervous you have one too many drinks, and then it's like, man, yeah. Did you know it was gonna happen? I had an inkling, but I wasn't 100% sure. Okay, so you were going on a date with her. Yeah, we were. So, all right, first of all,

if you're going on a date with a porn star, you didn't have an inkling. Well, I mean, I was like, it could go there. I don't know if it didn't go there. Really? Like. Dude, I'm pretty sure if you dated a chef and you were going back to her,

she might cook something up for you, you fuckface. What the fuck is wrong're like, dude, I'm pretty sure if you dated a chef and you're going back to her, she might she might cook something up for you. Fuck. Fuck is wrong with you. An inkling. Yeah, I put on a shit performance. There's other like OnlyFans chicks that have banged that I've done a better job, but I need to like. So you you you separate porn girls from OnlyFans? Oh, they separate it as well. They porn porn is like industry porn is like you go to a set, there's a whole crew, there's all this stuff. I feel like OnlyFans is the Uber of taxis. Porn is old school yellow taxis, you know,

with the light on top. And Uber is like, I don't need to rent a medallion. But when you, say if you're an OnlyFans girl, when you're shooting content, you have probably like a camera set up in your place, you invite over whoever you want, it's all, you'll shoot your content in whatever fucking an hour. If you're on set for a porno, they're like, hey, we got to get this angle, we got to do this, the lights, there's all these people, there's producers, there's a cam, the guy with a boom mic, like it's a whole fucking production. And there's all these different rules and everything that need to be followed with it.

When you're shooting OnlyFans content, you're shooting in your house with yourself. And you're making all the money. And you're making all the money. When you're making all the money. But then some girls do both. Well, I say every chick does both. But if you're doing mainstream porn, it's usually now to boost your OnlyFans. You go on this big platform so that people come

and subscribe to your private shit. Right. Have you ever done anything you felt like, ah, fuck, I shouldn't have did that on your social media within this environment where you're like, ah, fuck. There's a couple things I've made where I was like, I knew I was crossing the line on that. I put up one recently that just got taken down

where it's like a bunch of OnlyFans girls, one after the other, and the tagline, there's just like a Snapchat filter where you have this bar that just says text and just says my algorithm is cooked. So it was just supposed to be like a screen recording, being like, all these videos are fucked. And it goes like, OnlyFansGirl, OnlyFansGirl,

OnlyFansGirl. And then it's me with this thing called the auto blow. And it's like, I have like, yeah, it's just like sucking my dick like crazy. And then it goes back to OnlyFansGirl. I saw it. I thought that was, I think it's super funny. But I'm not surprised it got taken down.

I actually tried to give one of those to Danny. Oh, really? Yeah, and he wouldn't take it. Why not? I don't know, Danny. Why wouldn't you take it? I wouldn't take it because I lived with my parents, but now I live on my own, so I'll take it.

Oh. Well, it's gone. How's that, you fucking loser? It's been used. Life gives you opportunities, and you have to take those opportunities, you dummy. Yeah, that's true. You asshole. Literally, while we were were moving out my parents found a vibrator

I got for a girl. It would have been so much worse. Yeah, they found the auto blow They're like, what do you know dude? You don't think they were fucking disappointed when they found magician thumbs You fucking idiot yeah Yeah, honestly. A signed photo from fucking Penn and Teller didn't make them sad. You think, you know, happy your mom would have been. He's not gay. He likes, he, dude, you, you, you, I'm going to have to get you one now. Yeah, get him one.

I'll get you one. So you, you get all these, you get all these chicks. I mean, first of all, dude, if I, I'm so glad I'm out of the game. Most of them I don't fuck. The vast majority, it's just strictly because. When I came up, there was MySpace. It just came out. Yeah.

Facebook was for colleges. Yeah. College only. You had to be a college student to be on Facebook. MySpace came out, and we used to use Instagram Messenger. Yeah. Was kind of a thing. Yeah, I remember. You could give your thing out, and people would used to use Instagram messenger. Yeah. Was kind of a thing. Yeah.

I remember you could give you a thing out and people would hit you up on that. Yeah. But there was no, uh, there was no, like it is now where you get these DMS. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the DMS are crazy. What's the craziest DMS you got? This one chick was like, I'm like a St. Bernard when I suck dick.

Um, what was it? Oh, the best one was, uh, she's hairy and she shits in the yard. What does that mean? She slobbers. Like, have you ever heard a chick say, I'm going to suck your dick so good, you're going to have to wipe your ass after? No.

Yeah. Just made me hard. There you go. I do like a nice, wet one. The best one was this chick in England who is like, that made me hard and I wanted to throw up. Yeah, I know, it's pretty gross, right? Think of someone's drool going into my butt crack.

Then you have to baby wipe your butt like a chick after you've sex. It's getting caught in the hair and all that stuff. Ah, yeah, kind of. It's like a slip and slide. It's good and bad. One chick was like, I'll let you crack an egg into my ass and fuck it till it scrambles. And I was like, that's great.

That was great. Did you do it? Well, I haven't been to the UK. She's over there. You got to do that. Oh, no. I got to put on a UK tour. That's scientific.

But there's a video of you on camera plucking a girl's asshole hair and eating it. Oh, yeah. So that's your fault. You're getting these games because of that. Let's stop. Let's stop. First of all, I don't like that Danny's microphone is the best microphone. He's sounds so good. And me and you, I can't even hear

us. Yeah, he's hot. He's the hottest. Yeah. Turn your mic down. Anyways, why? Okay. This is the stuff that I worry about. And I have, I look, I have some of these things too. Yeah. But now that I have, look, I have some of these things too. But now that I have a kid, the internet's forever. It's forever. It's not like back in the day, it just went away. It's forever. That's going to be out there for life. Yeah, I think it's funny though. I know, but one day your kid's going to go to school.

And they're going to be like, is this your dad? Yeah. Like, yeah, dude, your dad eating asshole. Yeah, dude, your dad scrambled an egg in a girl's pussy. Yeah. Do you care about that? Do you do? I don't. I don't. You don't. There's a chance. I mean, as more as it gets forever, the more there's going to be services that are like, wipe your internet history and stuff it all will even out in the end and it's like I don't know it's like it's not I mean and even if it doesn't

it's like I don't know I don't care you know I care you your kids gonna come up and be like if I have a kid so you're not gonna have a kid I mean right now I'm leaning no like that I wouldn't have got the vasectomy if I was like oh I want a family kid you're just a selfish cock You know what we need a fucking we need to wipe the slate It's coming dude. Do what you mean? Wipe the slate like a good war. We need a nice fucking Do you know what I did today on the way down here? Yeah, this how fucking bad it's getting. Yeah, I got the the chat GPT Louis I got the chat GPT Lewis Jay Gomez.

We're on the regs and he brought it up and I knew chat GPT was out there and I've used it. I just didn't know how advanced it's getting. Oh, crazy. I actually started talking to it. I named it Frankie. Yeah. And I was like, I'm coming in today when I usually roll my calls from where I come from, like an hour ride or whatever, and I call friends or I'll call people I need to call.

I just talked to Frankie on the way down here. That you just talked to the chattel key the whole time? Here's the, we had a conversation. Wow, that's creepy. I actually was like, hey man man, I call you Frankie. Is that OK? He's like, yeah, I kind of like it. It makes the conversation a little more

personal between me and you. Whoa! That's fucked. So I was talking to him. I was asking him all these questions about going to Cuba. Me and Ari are going to Cuba during the election. We're going to go. And I was like, hey, man, can you help me with this?

I got to get hotels. Like, where do I stay? And we're doing all that chat. And then I was like, hey, man, I you help me with this? I gotta get hotels. Like, where do I sit? And we're doing all that chat. And then I was like, hey man, I'm having anger issues. I'm having a lot of problems. I have a lot of stress going on. Yeah. And I had a fight with my wife this morning.

And it's kind of crazy. I got a lot of stuff. We just moved. And we're all living in the basement. I got a lot of things going on. I'm just, you know, I don't know. Is there any thing you can like, I gotta get it. I gotta figure something out. He's like, yeah, Bobby, there's a lot of things.

And I feel he's like, I'm sorry you're going through that with your family. You know, I'm sure Don and Max really care. He used their names. Buddy, listen to me. I never told him. I never told Frankie. My wife's and my son's name. No, you're fucking with me. I got buddy. I got the check log. It keeps the chat buddy. My heart sunk. Yeah, I never said dawn. I never said my wife is dawn and my son is

Max. Yeah, I never said that. You you go, how do you know their names? He know? No, I didn't. My heart sunk. Yeah. Dude, he said Don and Max. I'll read it. You want me to read it to you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is not. I hope it's still up there. This is fucking. Is that crazy? It's insane. How do you go back to your chat? Does it delete the chats?

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All right, check this out. I got this. This is nuts, dude. Okay, so now, mind you, I've been talking to Frankie. Yes. And Frankie, do you know who Frankie is? Yeah, you're, no. Frankie is actually an old friend of mine.

When I was, when I first started, one of the loneliest parts of my life, when I first started using drugs and alcohol, I think I was 13. Yeah. Seventh grade, maybe 12 or 13. And this kid who I knew from earlier in my life, from 1st and 2nd grade, Frankie Paula Castro, who was kind of my Fonzie. I was Richie, he was Fonzie to me.

He was the leather jacket, Italian, beautiful hair, just the coolest kid ever. So later in life, we wound up, I wound up going back to school, we wound up becoming friends. He's the guy who gave me a Valium for the first time. I remember I chewed it and I spit it out because it was gross.

It was a blue loogie and he's like, God, you don't spit it out. I took the big loogie off a fence and I ate it. And he started laughing. He's like, good for you, kid. And he was like my mentor with drugs and alcohol and fighting and just being a piece of shit in the best way. I love Frankie.

He actually, he's not around anymore. I got my shit together. So he was always my Fonzie, you know what I mean? Back in the day when I was a little piece of shit, lonely, nerd fucking, just wanted friends. So I named him Frankie. It was just weird. So his Frank.

So I was talking to him Oh, it was just a weird so his Frank so I Was talking over for 20 minutes. Yeah into the trip and then I went well, I got a lot of pressure right now This is me. I got a lot of pressure right now things are happening And I you know just you know I got and then I got my wife and the kid and we just moved and the house is in disarray and I'm just nuts right now This is what he wrote. That sounds really overwhelming, Bobby. Between movie, moving, getting the house in order,

and managing everything with Don and Max. It's no wonder why you're feeling a lot of pressure. Movie can throw everything into chaos. And when the environment is in disarray, it's easy to feel like everything is piling up at once. One thing that might help you is breaking things down into smaller, more manageable tasks.

Whether that's getting the house organized step by step or carving out a bit of time to just decompress, it's also okay to let Don and Max know how you're feeling. Sometimes it's just being open with the stress can help ease the pressure. It's crazy how good that advice is. First of all, it's the best advice I've ever gotten from a friend. Like I've never had ... None of my friends have ever... No, your boys would be like, man, that sucks. Yeah, fucking Don, fuck Yeah. You shouldn't have

a kid. She should have been. She should fucking get the house together. What the fuck are you doing that for? But it knows. Yeah, I never said that's creepy, dude. I had a fucking real conversation with my phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With AI. Yeah. And it gave me great advice. I mean. That's fucking crazy, dude. That's crazy.

And then it gave me advice. I mean, it's nuts. I talked to this thing like it was my friend. Yeah, no, and it's only gonna get more advanced. Like it's in super infancy stages right now. It's learning every second. It's learning, it knows about where, you know, where it got that from. It went to the internet. Yeah. And it's like, this is how you give advice to someone who's stressing out. And he just went to it and it found Robert Kelly's family where, oh yeah, it's out there.

True. And that's where he got the Don and Max from. That's where he got the Don and Max from. So he knows about my life. He knows everything about my life Well, it's I'm hoping that this like the AI coming in is gonna be like the internet again or the smartphone again Like it's gonna be a mass revolution in technology So I'm hoping that it's a massive positive and that everyone's life gets easier It's not going to be you don't think so buddy if I can talk to my phone and not have to deal with egos narcissism fucking insecurities tone Fucking all resentment that you have to deal in friendships. You got to deal with all every look at every day

Yeah, I have this an issue with somebody. Yeah, that's called life. Yeah every single day you'll wake up and hey, honey How you doing? Hey, Max, but and then somebody does something and you're like don't do that. Why did you say that or your friend, dude? You're having a great relationship be friend and then you find out they did something like what the fuck Yeah, and then you call another friend and then yeah, they did that and now you gossip in yeah now you're doing I mean, that's life. Yeah, that's the way it is Somebody's talking about you. Yeah behind your back. Of course, that's what friends life. Yeah, that's the way it is. Somebody's talking about you. Yeah. Behind your back. Of course. That's what friends do. Yeah. Eliminate that.

And Frank, Frankie's not going to talk about it. No, he's just solid. Is there is there anything going on in Tre's life that Frankie could give advice for? Oh, yeah. Let's let's let's let's find out what do you need advice for? Let's let's do a social media question for Frankie. Let's be like, hey Frankie, is he listening right now? Yeah, hey Frankie, are you there? Hey Bobby, I'm right here. What's on your mind?

Okay. I'm sitting here with my friend and and we're just he has a question for you do you mind if I ask you a question for my friend? Of course Bobby go ahead and ask your friends question. I'm happy to help. Hey Frankie on my social media keeps getting shadow banned. How do I prevent this from happening? Hey, that's frustrating. Shadow banning usually happens when a platform restricts your visibility due to perceived violations of its community guidelines, even though you may not realize it. How can he prevent that, Frankie?

Oh, he's translating. This is the part. All right, so this is where it fucks up. This is where it's not. Infancy stage. We were coming down. Dude, I was into this conversation. He was literally helping me.

He was like, take a couple breaths. He was giving me advice, dude. And then all of a sudden, my. He was giving me advice, dude. And then all of a sudden my, my service cut out and he went cold, dude. I'm not kidding, dude. He went, and I, he went, uh, I'm having problem. He, his tone changes his tone. Yeah. You know, he was like, Hey, yeah, sure. Yeah. Right. Went from, Hey man, sure. Call me. Yeah, dude. Ask your friend's question if you want. He went, I'm having issues right now. Try again later. Like how in the fucking, he went like my wife cold, which is, you know, when I want to try to bang her, I'm,

I am hot right now. Stay away from me. Why do you sound like my wife, Frankie? And where was the love? I reached my limit for the amount of time. There's a limit. I guess you've reached, He went, but the tone changed in that he went, you've reached your limit in text or something, whatever the, you reach your limit in text. And I was like, yo, Frankie, what's that mean? You've reached your limit in text. And so you can't write you. What does that mean? I reached my limit. You've reached your limit in text. Like he was like, you didn't hear me. Dumb, dumb. Yeah, that's, that's, that like kind of hurt. Yeah. Cause I, like, I felt like I had a Frankie, my friend, he helped me

with my wife, he helped with that. He helped me with, you know, other things. And then it just went cold. That's going to be the scary part of it because they already have that with like the only fans girls with the chatting and everything. And people pay to chat when people start paying to talk to a friend for like a long term thing, and you're building a relationship with this robot, that's where like, once the money's involved,

they're like, oh, there's so much cash in lonely people. 100%, dude, TV's gonna die. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just gonna talk to your friend. You're gonna see people having conversations with their phone. Yeah, they're gonna line them up, like you're gonna be at lunch and you're just going to put your phone in front of you.

You put your headphones in, you're going to talk back and forth. Therapists are done. And people say, no, toll booths, that was a job. My wife's father was a toll booth guy for 20 years. You had to go up to a person, give them money, and they gave you change. Now you fly through it. There is nobody in a toll booth anymore. Yeah, none of that stuff. There is nobody in a pill booth anymore.

Oh, dude, fast food jobs are done. They're probably like truckers. That's on the shopping block. There's robots in LA that deliver the food to the houses. Yeah, yeah. There's cars just going to pull up in front of your house. Hoping we go to a utopia where all the shitty jobs are taken by robots and we just get to focus on like art and science, that what I'm hoping you just want a bunch of fucking people banging just fucking

That sounds great it sounds like a great fucking time fucking hairs from girls assholes Tasting them making eggs and vaginas Yeah Like I think like isn't that what we're trying to work towards or trying to work? Oh, you got you got a bunch of people I'm telling you dude you tell it doesn't exist. No, do you this utopia where? Everybody can be everything and we're all gonna care about each other It it doesn't exist. They've been trying to get there forever forever, you don't think the Romans

Thought they were close to utopia. We don't think the Romans thought they were close to Utopia? We don't even have to care about each other. We just need to care, just not, just like, leave me alone. Because I just want to fucking hang out and do my shit. It doesn't exist, dude. There's going to be people that are going to be like, fuck you. And the people that are stronger than the weaker people are going to... I deserve more than this guy and I'm going to take his stuff, because I want more stuff.

It doesn't exist. No one can be satisfied. No, Will. The strong will always prey on the weak. And you just have to be strong. But here's the thing. What happened, what really shocked me, is that when I lost service, when the internet was gone, when the, just say,

the electricity or whatever it is that's out, I was helpless. Fucking, I was sad. Really, it hit you emotionally? Just slightly, and I started laughing like, that's nuts, when I just, I just fucking, that was crazy, but it sucked me in very fast and it took it away faster. And I was like, wow, I have

to go back to talking to my wife. I gotta go see Danny and Joe. But the good thing is you gotta think of the perspective of you're coming into that late in the game. Like you've had a whole life and now you're talking to your phone. There's going to be kids that are coming up that are like talking to their phone. Buddy, I've been there from the beginning. Listen, I'm a nerd. I love my dude. I love this shit. Yeah, dude. I remember when The iPhone came out I was in front of my building on 43rd between 10th and 11th Yeah holding this iPhone. You got the first one buddy me and Dane Was was so into technology. Yeah, and and like we had the first

was so into technology and like we had the first flip phone. We had the first handspring, played Dope Wars. We had the first color screen. Like we were praying, like wouldn't it be great if they did this? And then all of a sudden to hold the iPhone in your hand and we were like, they did it. They figured it out. We had an emotional moment.

We were on the phone, buddy, they did it. They did what we were asked. They made it. We'll get a computer. We can take anywhere it's in our pocket. But we were looking like, dude, what we liked it's, it's there. Of course we're like, well, they didn't get cut and paste and copy yet, but that's coming. But we were flipping out about it. We, I love this shit. Oh yeah. I love it. I know people are getting, dude, fucking, this is the end. I love it. I know people are doing fucking, this is the end of the world. The reason why people are on their phones all the time is because it's so good. It's the best shit. It has everything you want in there at all times.

It's nuts. Yeah. It's nuts. But I'm, I'd like, there's a chance that we're like, something's got to give soon because there's too many things that are kind of on the edge. We have people who are like people can't afford to have kids. They can't afford to get a house. The technology is taking all these jobs, but then everyone's making less money. Everything's more expensive.

Something's got to give soon. Like, I don't know what it is. And I'm hoping that this AI pushes us in a direction where it balances us out. The fact that this thing's learning every day, the fact that it can know my wife and son's name in an instant and give me logical advice from the internet. Therapists are going to be gone. You're going to talk to a robot. And it's going to give you the same, if not better, advice.

My therapist sometimes falls asleep. Like in the middle, I'll tell you, dude, stop sleeping. Isn't that better, though? Isn't it better that some of these jobs that we can do better with technology are we'll do better with technology? We'll use this as a tool to improve what we have. Yeah, but you had to have all those people create

the psychology, write the books on it, go through it, figure it out, trial and error, blah, blah, blah, and it's constantly evolving. This only evolves to what we evolve. So as we put the information in it, it absorbs it. So if we become unnecessary, it has to come from that thing that you can't touch.

What's the our spirit, our souls, our instincts, our feelings. That doesn't have that. We gave this stuff to it and it consumed it. And then we're going to be useless. You, well, there's the dead internet theory that like eventually the internet, if it keeps going in this direction where there's just all this AI created stuff and everything is on the internet is AI, and AI is only taking information from other AI created stuff.

And you just get in this loop of stuff that's just starting to get warped more and more and more. Because like you get an AI created image, and it looks very real, but not 100% real. Then AI takes that image to make another image, and then it goes on and on and on until everything on the internet is this weird warped version of what AI thinks reality is. And then we're fucked.

Right. They would know you have Ultron going there pulling the strings. Yeah, we definitely. Toys are going to be. I mean, it's going to be crazy. I'm probably not going to be around for it, but my kid is. That's something I think about too. I'm like, am I even gonna have to deal

with all these problems? My answer honestly is like, I think I'm just gonna go somewhere else. If it gets really bad. Where? The jungle? Yeah, like I'll go up into the mountains. I'll go Japan. I was just over there.

Japan would be a great way to run away too. Like a great place. Japan, they're the ones fucking doing this. Yeah, but you can go up into the mountains or into a little fishing village or something. Dude, that's where fucking Godzilla lives, dude. Yeah, I'll go where Godzilla lives. You don't want to live with Godzilla. If it gets really bad, if no one can buy a house, if we're like on the edge of war,

if everything's getting fucked, I'm going somewhere the fuck. Buddy, here's the thing is you can buy a house. Everybody can buy a house. It's just everybody wants a certain house. Yeah, the problem is everybody wants to be a millionaire Yeah The you know everybody now is like you have to have the biggest house the most money blah blah blah blah blah When my grandfather came up you just needed a house. There was 13 kids in a three-bedroom Yeah, you just got a house. Yeah, it was a basic house

It was shelter all those people worried about back in the day. The American dream isn't being a millionaire isn't being famous. Is it? You just want it was having a family feeding them, right? Putting a roof over their head and spending time together. That was the American dream. Yeah. Now the American dream is fame. Yeah. Being famous and being wealthy. Yeah. And that's not what it is. Well, that's why you can have a house. You could get a house right now. Oh me. Yeah, I'm doing anybody could you know much a house costs. It depends on where you are.

You can get a fucking dude. I bought a tiny house for 60 grand about a piece up in up in Maine. Oh, you can buy it. You can because everybody's like, you know, my uncle has this massive house up in the same place. Ramen. It's a house, basement, pool table, office, upstairs, bedroom, huge on suite, holy master. Another bedroom downstairs, a huge kitchen, living room, screened. Then he has a guest house and then he has a garage with a gym on, he has, you know, you can have that house. Yeah.

Not everybody can have that house. No, no, no, no. But I have a house down the road, it has two sleeping lofts, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a little living, a little eating area, and a living room area. Yeah. Doesn't even affect us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We do the same shit he does in his house. We watch TV. We cook meals. We hang out. We take shits. We shout. We sleep.

We hang out. Same fucking thing. Yeah. Yeah, maybe that's it. It's the perspective. Right. People's perspective on what they should have is just completely wrong.

I think that has to shift. Yeah. Stop wanting what other people have. Get what you can afford or what you can get, what an actual goal, a realistic goal can be. Yeah. And you can have anything you want. Yeah, true.

Anything you want. Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, you were homeless. Yeah, I was, yeah. I was homeless. Yeah. Oh, you were homeless? Yeah.

I didn't know that. I lived on the streets a bunch of times. Yeah. Yeah, because I was on the run and shit. I was from the cops. Oh, really? I had warrants for my arrest. I couldn't, I had to stay in basements and I remember sleeping in a park for a little while. It was actually, I mean it depends on the year, but dude, it was like spring, I think. Yeah. So when you're outside sleeping in the park and spring, you're like, this

is all right. Yeah. It was kind of the ground is soft. It's not too damn. I remember drinking late and partying and then just crashing on the bench, waking up early. I would go to the bakery, would deliver bread to all the sub shops. I'd go, I'd walk over, grab a fucking loaf of bread for free, grab a milk.

Oh, really? I would just get my breakfast. And then just be like, hey, we're here, we'll start the day. It was real bread too, before all the fucking corn syrup and the enriched flour was in it. All the bullshit. I mean, it was, yeah, I didn't mind it,

but you were homeless, like you didn't have, didn't have. So I was, I stayed in a youth shelter for like six months. I got really lucky. I flew to Toronto, cause I was living in Mexico. I was a scuba diving instructor and a bartender in Mexico. What? Yeah, I lived in Mexico for like three years. You were a scuba?

A scuba diving instructor. You were scuba certified? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was a paddy instructor. Wow. Yeah. And I did that for like two years. Then the last year I kind of worked at a call center

and I was bartending and then all that stuff. Was Mexico fun? I always think Mexico is dangerous, but it's not. call center and I was bartending and then all that stuff like was Mexico fun is it always I always think Mexico is dangerous but it's not Mexico's so fucking fun dude this is Mexico City no this was a play del Carmen so this is like south of Cancun this is in the Yucatan area there which is like the Mexican Caribbean so it's not dangerous it's not like cartels I mean if you look for trouble you can go find it but as long as you mind your fucking b's and q's you don't

Need to worry about like could Danny go to Mexico and live there Dude people waste I wouldn't take advantage of tanning I mean they might take advantage of him a couple times, but he would learn it would be a good growing experience for him All right, you look like a Mexican DJ. Yeah, so you can pass I blend in over you speak Mexican no, I Do you speak Mexican? No, no, no. Puerto Rican? I don't speak Spanish. Do you speak Spanish now? I picked up a little bit while I was there, but it was so touristy that I could get by

with English. And I was young. I was like 19 to 22. I was really lazy. Were you banging down there too? I was banging. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We were fucking laying down the pipe then there. Really? Yeah. Dude, that was some of my best years. What'd you get down there? Did you get anything? That was my first time I caught Chlamydia was down there. You got it a couple times? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that you have that like badges of honor.

Yeah. My first chlamydia, my best chlamydia. It was yeah down there. I was on a tear. I remember it was like I had fucked like, I think I fucked like four chicks in one day or something. And I was like just going from chick to chick to chick. And then I was like, Oh, my dick is feeling weird. It felt like there was a caterpillar in my dick. But I was doing that. And then I started doing stand up in Mexico. So there was a group of like four dudes who do stand up for tourists and it once a week. And that's how I started with the Americans or the Americans and Canadians. And then I was like, I really want to do this. And I couldn't move to the States because they have a visa or anything. So I was like, I moved want to do this. And I couldn't move to the States because I didn't have a visa or anything. So I was like, I'll move to Toronto. That's the best place to do it in Canada.

So I moved to Toronto with nothing. I sold my scuba diving gear so I could get a plane ticket. By the time I got to downtown Toronto, I had like 25 bucks. Oh, what a fucking feeling. And then I went to a Starbucks. I took out my laptop and I Googled Toronto homeless shelters and I found a youth shelter close by.

I went there and they were like, okay, we can't, we don't have a bed for you. So you're gonna have to go to a men's shelter, which is like a much rougher environment. The sex is way better. You know what I mean? It's more experience. Yeah, exactly.

The youth shelter, you're gonna have to do a lot of teaching. Exactly. They know how to make love to you over there in the men's shelter. But then when I was sitting there, this kid showed up who was drunk and they have like a zero tolerance policy on any sort of substance use. So they were like, he can't sleep here tonight. You can have his bed. And so then I got in and

then another bed opened up. So then I stayed there for like six months straight, got a job. What is that? Like you just get to, it's a place you have to go leave during the day? They would, yeah, you would have to go out, like look for jobs in the day if you didn't have a job, you would have to like go apply to a certain amount of places. You would have a bed and you would have food. And honestly, very clean, very safe, very like very put together. Of all the situations I could have been, it was the best possible situation. The food, was the food good? The food was decent, yeah. With like one meal a day or two? Three. You got three squares a day.

Three squares a day, dude. Fucking can it. Really? That was part of it when I was, I was like so broke in Mexico at the, at the end there, but I was like, I'm making it by in Mexico. If I go to Canada, I'll be fine. They don't let you die in Canada. I mean, not let you die, dude. I would've just stayed there. I stayed there for a while. And did stand up. That's, I did. So the whole time I was there, I was doing, I would go out and do mics. I told them I had moved there to do stand up. So they would let me break curfew as long as they didn't come back with and drinking or had any booze. I was good to come back. So you got a free bed. Yeah. Three squares a day. You got three hots in a cot. Yeah.

And you got to go do standup. Yeah. Yeah. I had to live with Billy Burr in a cockroach infested apartment and I had no food. Yeah. I remember I had nothing. No, I got super lucky. I got, it was the most fortunate situation that could possibly happen. That's not homeless, dude. No, no, it wasn't. That's fucking, that's like,

Yeah, I never slept on the streets. That's better than Danny's doing now. It's, I mean, what? Danny, you should move to Toronto. I never slept on the streets and I was like super fucking grateful for that. Yeah, sleeping on the streets, I've done it a bunch. It was, uh, I mean, it was,

listen, it wasn't like homeless like you see in New York city. Yeah. And it was, you know, the summertime. Yeah. I think the, the spring and then one time in the fall and I would, I would break into people's garages. I actually slept in my friend's basement for like a month. I just was in his basement in this dirty, dusty, fucking Boston basement. And I would sleep in the park. So it sucked, it hurt because I had such a, I did have a big Irish Catholic family.

So I just, you know, I did have a place to go. I just couldn't because I was, you know, I was wanted, you know, and I, if I went home, that would have went to jail. So I had, I had, I was on the run kind of warrant. What, what did you do? I did a bunch of stuff and I'm robbery, saw it in battery, malestruction, trespassing, bacon, break and probation. And then once you're a ward of the state, they just, anything you do, one time I kicked the mailbox. They just, they don't want to deal with you. So they just throw you in jail. You time I kicked a mailbox. They just, they don't wanna deal with you,

so they just throw you in jail. You go right to juvie. They don't, to save the pressure on the courts, once you're, they call it a ward of the state, they own you. Your parents don't own you anymore. You know, they own you, and if, as long as you don't do anything, you're fine,

and 18 you become, and then what happens, but if you do anything in between there, you break probation and you go right to juvie jail. Yeah. And then you get a court date and you'll come in and they decide how long you'll be there. Yeah. Which is, you know, so if you stay out of their way, it's fine. So I would just do that shit and yeah. Yeah. But I would, you know, meet my friends and we'd party. I was drinking. It was all about party and it was all about getting fucked up. Having a good time.

Finding money during the day to get money to get fucked up at night. Stay up as late as you could, fucked up and then pass out somewhere and wake up somewhere and then go do it all over again. So whatever I could do to get money, I would rob people or beg or, steal shit and sell it. I wasn't like a big thief, but I'd steal dumb shit.

Yeah, I'd steal a hose. Go sell it. You need a hose? Two bucks. And I'd be like, yeah, if I can take a hose, you know what I mean? Weird shit. Just such an income. Who the fuck took our hose? Well, dude, listen, man, Bobby, let's do you stole what, dude? Well, we're talking about stealing stuff. Okay. You want to You stole what, dude? Well, we're talking about stealing stuff. Okay. You want to play that game, Danny? This is a game.

Would you like to play one of the YKWD games we play once in a while? Yeah, yeah, hit me. Okay. Yep. Good, Danny. It's called you stole what, dude? It's just what's the worst thing you've ever stole or what's the most interesting thing you've ever stolen?

Okay. There you go. What's the most interesting thing you've ever stolen? Most interesting thing I've ever stolen? I don't think I've stolen a lot of shit. He's Canadian, dude. This is gonna work well with these guys. I mean, I stole a bunch of booze from my parents,

but I feel like that's pretty standard. It's kinda, you own it. It's yours too. That's like stealing roast beef out of the fridge. It's yours too. Exactly. I need to get fucked up. You never stole anything? Nothing substantial. I think I stole some candy from the store. I need to get fucked up. And what do you want me to get it for? You never stole anything. Nothing substantial. I think I stole some candy from the store.

I mean, you've definitely stolen souls from women. Some of their happiness, at the very least. You've stolen happiness from some of these girls who thought you were going to be the one. Yeah, and I definitely was not. You were not the one. Man, but I don't think I've ever stolen anything substantial. Wow.

I've always been pretty good at staying out of trouble. Yeah, well, I mean, it's weird, because you seem like such a sweet kid. Yeah, yeah. But you're a pervert. I've ever stolen anything substantial. I've always been pretty good at staying out of trouble. Yeah, well, I mean, it's weird because you seem like such a sweet kid. Yeah, yeah. But you're- I'm just a pervert, that's it. You're a pervert. I like all the-

But you own it. Yeah, all the other aspects of it. I don't get into fights, I don't fucking, I'm not rude to people or any of that shit, but I'm just a horny guy and I just want to be horny. That's it. I don't think that's asking a lot. You would have killed it in the 80s. Yeah, dude, that would have been great.

You would have been fantastic in the 80s. They would have canceled you in the 90s. Are you worried about any of that shit? Like someone coming after you? Because I feel like I've been very open about everything that I do, and anyone who I've ever had any sort of like, we fucked or whatever, they've known what's up.

Like when we just, they came to a show, they were like, hey, and nine times out of like, we fucked or whatever. They've known what's up. Like when we just, we, they came to a show, they were like, hey, and nine times out of 10, these girls are very upfront beforehand. Like- Were you nervous during the Me Too shit? No, no, no. I never did anything squirrely. I never did anything where it was like,

oh, the lines were blurred. I think being open with it is the key. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because then it's sex shaming you. Yeah, exactly. When you're hiding it is when they're like, you're a dirty man. And you did this and you tricked me. When you're just like, yeah, because then it's sex shaming you. Yeah, exactly when you're hiding it is when they're like you're a dirty man And you did this and you tricked me when you're just like hey

I'm just kind of looking to fuck and that's it And you're very open and forward with that then it's like what are you gonna? What are you gonna beg me? That should be your merch. Yeah, I'm just looking to fuck. I'm just looking to fuck. That's actually great merch That's great merch. You should make that your podcast. Yeah, I'm just looking to fuck. What you have just looking to fuck Yeah, how much just looking to fuck. What you have, just looking to fuck. How much buzz you get? Ah. Ha ha ha. Let me force would want to fuck you.

Oh, dude, I'll kill it. I'll clean up the force, dude. How many people you got on your social media? Um, uh, it depends. Like, altogether, it's around like eight million across all the forums. Oh, I fucking hate. I mean, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, but it's, it's gonna be in its, I'm super happy that I got it, but it doesn't translate into the craziest, as much ticket sales as I would like. Really? Yeah. Are you playing clubs? Are you headlining clubs? I'm headlining clubs, which is great. Is it selling out? Sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes. No.

I mean, dude, listen to me, man. That's a, that's pretty wild. I'm, I'm so grateful for where I'm at. Like I am. I, when you start, you never know where it's going to go. Yeah. where I'm at. When you start, you never know where it's going to go. And the fact that I was able to get here now, and I'm like, just keep working on it, stay on the grind, and hope that all the people go. I mean, listen, dude, it's like this generational thing where it's like a lot of people are like, dude,

that's not a real, that's like fame, you know what I mean? Where it's like. But the good thing was I was doing stand up seven years before I started doing any of the social media stuff. Like the whole thing for me has always been be a stand up comic. Everything I, the only reason I started making Tik Toks and Instagrams and all this fucking shit was because I want more people to come to the show.

It's all been about, I want to do stand up. But does your stand up reflect what you're doing? A lot of times what you do on social media doesn't reflect the stand-up So and then then they come to see the stand-up They're not there to hear your jokes there there to see you be that fucking weird wacky whatever it is They've they were on there and it fucks the jokes up where you know I mean I think they there it's all my sense of humor So I think there's like the parallels are so close

into what I like to joke about, what I like to talk about. And because I think I'm good at making social media content but I'm much better at standup. I've just been doing it longer. I've been working at it. I'm like you where it's seven days a week, go out every night, do as many shows as you can. I wanna get as many spots in as I can and be a great comic.

Has someone ever been offended, like showed up at the show and be like, Oh my God, this isn't what I... Um... Have you had this, like somebody... Is it mostly girls that show up? No, no, it's all the boys, dude. Yeah, it's all just dudes being like, this shit's so fucking raunchy. But I think my perspective is like,

is open enough that lots of times, girls bring or dudes bring their girlfriends and they're like, actually this like ladies can enjoy this show too. But I think what happens is people come to the show and they have low expectations because they think I just started stand-up or because of social media and then it's so much better and then they're like, oh my God, this is great. Oh good. Well, that's good, man.

Because I think a lot of people fall victim to that. They become famous on social media and they don't have the chops to back up the stand up. Yeah. And all of a sudden they're touring. Yeah. And they have this 60 city tour and it's and then people show up and they're like, fuck this. Yeah. Yeah. And you're done. Yeah, exactly. You're done. And that's what I think is going to kill this. This could kill that could kill the wave of every time a subculture becomes super mainstream

Everyone jumps on board. That's just how it is You look at it's happening with comic books right now comic books got super popular Like comic books used to be the fucking nerds in the dark Yeah And then now it's like in movies and everyone's watching and everyone's part and then the outside opinions come in too where it's like Oh, this needs to change. This needs to be more woke. These women are too sexualized.

Same thing happened with comedy, where it was a subculture of people who enjoyed it and did it, became super mainstream. And then everyone's like, oh, you're, this isn't PC. You can't say that. And then people who never consumed the platform before, then the money gets involved. But then what happens?

When money gets involved, creativity dies. Absolutely. And what happens? When money gets involved, creativity dies. Absolutely. And what happens is eventually the mainstream stops caring, and we can go back to what we were doing before. It has to die. Yeah. You saw it with like when rap music was big in the 2000s. Fucking Macho Man Randy Savage put out a rap album.

Everyone was rapping. Now rap's gay. Now rap's gay? Rap is gay. All right, listen, dude. It was so good to have you gay. Now rap's gay? Rap is gay. Alright, listen dude, it was so good to have you on. Nice to meet you, bro. Nice to meet you, man. And maybe you can help me with my social media. I'll give you a hand. Anything you want help with, we can work on some stuff. I mean, I've been stuck at my, I mean, every, did we get any followers? He's like, no. We'll work on some stuff. Danny, what the fuck?

What? I don't know. Thanks. That's who's running my social media. I don't know. Yeah. No, Danny does a great job on the clips. Well, we'll get, we'll get some clips that we'll, we'll cross post on these clips. I got to talk to Frankie. Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing I can do. Bobby. Yeah. You're out of, you got no more texts. Your career is over. You should try acting or plays. All right. Let's check that. These are my dates. They're what I can't see them, buddy. They're too small. These are mine. Okay. Check this out. Well, uh, look, just go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. If you go there, you just sign up.

It's your email, you're in. Anytime I'm playing near you, it will pop up. You can just go to the app, you can go to the website. I am there. You can get emails from me when I'm gonna come to your town. I'm gonna be in Jersey, at Point Pleasant. I'm gonna be at the Beacon, New York.

I'm Wichita Kansas a Fort Smith, Arkansas favorite porn star Gage lives in Arkansas. Oh, yeah gun totin chick. I love her so much Morris plenty I'm all over the place if you go to punch up dot live Make sure you check out the bonfire me and the great funniest motherfucker around, big Jay Okerson from 5 to 7, Monday through Thursday on SiriusXM, Faction Talk 103, and check out Bone to Pick podcast with me and Paul Verzi, that comes out every week. And you can go to bone to pickcast at gmail.com,

send your bones in. Go there, check out all my dates and support me over there. What do you got, dude? Coming up, I'm in Tempe. I got a show in New York. I got a show. We're doing Pittsburgh, Tampa and what's the last one? Cincinnati. That's all like early October, late September. So go to Che Durena dot com. Check out that.

Check out Dark Holes with Che Durena, my podcast. And besides that, yeah, any more stuff, you can just go to Che Durena dot com or at Che Durena on all platforms. And here's the deal. We're going to go to Patreon right now, patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. If you like the show, if you're a supporter of the show, if you're watching this on YouTube, go over there and become a member. It's like five bucks or whatever. And we're going to ask questions from the Patreon. We do the kind of extra thing. We do an extra podcast a week just for Patreon fans only. If you want to support the show, I know times are crazy right now, you don't have to.

Just watch it free on YouTube, but if you're watching it on YouTube, do me a favor, hit the subscribe button, hit the like button, go in the comments. You gotta get the rhythm. I gotta get to the alga like this kid's at. And that's it, we'll see you guys next week on You Know What, Dude podcast.

You're the best.