Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #559 | Bret Ernst, Rich Vos, & Bonnie McFarlane | Getting The Roll

Episode Date: November 11, 2024

This week on YKWD Bobby laughs it up w/ Bret Ernst, Rich Vos, and Bonnie McFarlane Support the show and save on True Classic packs at https://www.trueclassic.com/DUDE Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD.

This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, how are you ruining this? Where podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, how am I supposed to know? You're ruining this. Where's the bar banner, man? I'm sorry. It's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR.

That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show? This is the original. The original. The original. What's up, everybody? It's Robert Kelly, and we're here at the Comedy Cellar Studios above the world famous Comedy Cellar with another episode of You Know What Dude. I got a great episode of fucking one of my favorite people.

I've known him for so long and he's one of those. He's one of the real ones. He's the real deal. There's comics you know, they're funny, they're cool, blah, blah, blah. But if they're not a fucking guy, a dude, a real fuck, whatever. This is one and I'll tell you the story because I knew right then he was the fucking real deal.

Let's give it up. Danny, who do we got? You have the great Brett Ernst in the house today Brett Ernst. Let me tell you, you know when I knew you were a fucker You were one of the cool guys. I mean I I don't I mean if I answer that then it looks like I think I'm cool. And that's why you're a cool guy right there that answer that you don't want to fucking be a dildo Yeah, I don't say when I did this but all I remember is the god you want you don't want to fucking be a dildo. Yeah, I don't want to be a jerk off. When I did this. But all I remember is the... Go ahead. You want a Zen? You want to pop Zens?

I got it right now. With the coffee? I'll fucking... My ass will explode. We talking shit. What the fuck? They really had to add a new thing to our lives? Another... Like I said, this is like vaping for dippers. But you never dipped. You just went right to the powder. I don't like to spit. I don't like that. I don't like to carry a cup of fucking brown spit. It's disgusting.

You know, this, I don't mind, because you can swallow it. I don't want to have to have a side cup of shit. You know what I mean? By the way, the spitting and swallowing is too easy to even joke about. What, joke about it? Because you're not a spitter or a swallower?

It's just too easy. Are you a swallower or a spitter? Just get back to how cool I am. I'm curious about this. Have you ever done gay shit? No. No, but you remember, what is it? Tell me what you think it is.

Is it when we went to the wrestling? Bingo. Yeah. Dude, the fuck the not just wrestling. We went and saw the rock. And we in his prime. I didn't know you were a big wrestling fan. Well, we were working because we hung out a couple of times. And where do we meet? We met in L.A.

Yeah, you were out there for a minute. I think I don't know if somebody called. And said, hey, I got a friend coming out, but, you know, he's a good dude. And I'm obviously, I know who you were. I knew it wasn't, it definitely wasn't Dane. It was Dublin's, I think. Dublin's.

When we first kicked it. And then we hung out afterwards because then I said, yeah, I forgot who it was. I said, hey, so-and-so said you're out here. It had to be Burr. I think so. It had to be Burr. And then we were at dub Dublin's people don't know how fucking crazy Dublin's was that was four years it was

the hottest show in LA hottest fucking show at this shitty Irish bar upstairs it was for four years I meant like see I know LA politics is a little different than New York yeah cuz we're not fake back then that's not what I meant oh that's what you meant as far as the club stuff goes. What do you mean? What was it? What do you mean the politics? So I was a store guy and then you were a store guy when the store wasn't good. Right.

When the store was the last club on the list, right. And it was laugh factory in the improv. Well, laugh factory. That's what I'm saying. You had the three clubs, right? So the improv at that time was more industry controlled. Yeah. Laugh factory was, I Factory was packed every night.

Jamie ran the club. There was three different shows. And then the Comedy Store was like. I have an Italian guy, buddy. I don't need more Italian. Buddy, I have more. I do stuff about cooking potatoes and pasta, buddy, I have more. I do stuff that, you know, about cooking potatoes, pasta, buddy. Buddy, do you have any jokes about your nana?

But the comedy story was like the land of misfit toys. Because it was Rogan, Diaz, Dice, you know, Holzman, all of us. And basically, you know, sometimes they didn't interact. Me and Tripoli were, and Sebastian, I think, we were doing all three clubs. But Dublin's was where all the paid regulars of the different clubs met. And the industry was there, but they didn't control it.

All Hollywood would go. You couldn't get in the fucking place. And it was just lightning in a bottle for four years. It was intense because you'd look out and Justin Timberlake would be in the fucking place. And it was just lightning in a bottle for four years. It was intense because you'd look out and Justin Timberlake would be in the audience. Yeah, I know he used to come when he was dating Britney Spears, but that's how I met Vince Vaughn. You met Vince Vaughn at Dublin's?

At Dublin's. No shit. Yeah, he came up to me after a show and we were kicking it. It was right, I think right before old school came out. And then, you know, he was friends with Ahmed Ahmed and then, um, we, we would just kick it, go out afterwards. But then when you came out, cause you came out a little later than we were chatting and we, you know, we hit it off.

And then I think I say, yes, uh, I will go with burr, but I don't, I don't know if it was burr with some other New York guy. And then, um, that, yeah, then we started kicking it, but then I didn't know you were wrestling fan. So when I got the tickets, do you, do you even remember how I had to sit? What I had to sacrifice? I didn't go sit through river dance. Yeah. Cause my girl at the time got two tickets and I'm like, you want to go to wrestling, but she's like, you never, so I had to sit through river dance in order to get the tickets to go to see wrestling. That's what I did for you, by the way.

You don't know that. I don't remember Riverdance. Now that's why I'm a cool guy. Can I say something that I'm not a cool guy? I love Riverdance. God, that guy's a, that guy would, I mean, the funny thing was there was this big elaborate number before he came out. And then as soon as he came out, there was an explosion and he was standing there and

then he was on the big screen. And then just never left the bit. It was just always him with his sequence jacket. Why did we get into that stupid shit? How did America, we got fucking entranced with Irish step dancing. That's your people. That's half your people. But how the fuck did we get in? How that was like the hottest thing in the country I didn't get for a long minute Remember that? Yeah, I mean I sat through it and it was just gay tap dancing and no arms. They're just going. Yeah, it was just Why can't you use your arms? What's the rule on that? I don't know.

It was like, I don't know what the fuck. Maybe the people who originated got their arms chopped off from like the British. From, yeah, there's a story behind it. There's definitely some Irish tragedy. They're indentured servitude. Yeah, there were slaves. Yeah, something.

It's the only way we could dance. We had our arms tied behind our back. They cut our arms off. And they had to, we could dance we had our arms tied behind our back We had our arms off and they had it we could use our feet and we could use our loud clacky little shoes fucking assholes I Didn't know that dude. I didn't know that but we had a great time man. We had like box seats to some shit Dude how come no listen you listen, you're a fucking, you're like a true Ginzo. You and Verzy, look I didn't know how,

and when you guys get together, it's the intensity of the Ginzo is turned up at least four more knots. Well there's a few of us, like Racine, when we get around Racine, Racine, uh... Does he get Ginzo? He can Ginzo out. Remember he was selling jars of sauce?

Right? Yeah. He's strong. I love that kid. Did he make the sauce? He makes the sauce, yeah. So he makes the sauce and sells it? He was selling gravy in the jar. As his merch? No, he was just giving it to other people.

It's phenomenal, by the way. It was strong. And the sauce was good? Yeah, good. Yeah. That's fucking wild. Yeah. But I remember me and you hung out at skank fest in Houston with verzy watching a game and you two were fucking, we watching the fights. Yeah. And you think boss came too. And then, uh, and uh, Vecchione, right? No, we went to eat with them. Okay. And they didn't come to the bar after. You guys like, we're going to the bar, we check out the fights.

Can I tell you my favorite thing you just did recently? What? When you introduced them to Skankfest, to the theater that I brought you to, and they were like, yeah, how did Kelly find this place? Well, they were looking for the place, and that- But wasn't it perfect? When I talked to that guy... Ken, yeah.

He has my card. I was like, I'll shoot a special or something here. He's like, yeah, whatever. So me and him hit it off. I called him and talked to him and I was like, dude, there's a thing and he's like, yeah, yeah, fucking yeah, do it. Let's do it. And I told them about this.

I was like, dude, I just went to this place because they were looking for Vegas. I was like, dude, this place and I called him back. I was like they're gonna call you He's like yeah fucking let make it happen was a strong move three years in a row They've been now. I don't know if they're coming back now. Well. I know it's not because of the venue or no I think it's because it's like I think they want to move and do a different thing because the venue is great Yeah, the area is great. It's perfect. Cause even after it's all in one spot. Cause when we did Houston, it was kind of the same thing.

But then you got more to do at the end of the night. Like you could just, everything's open. You just go out. Yeah. I do this how old I am now. I go back to my room. There was a cup. There was a dad, dude, because I'm not smoking weed.

I'm not getting fucking drunk. I go gamble. I go do something. I'll go hang out and smoke a cigar or do some, I'm just like at a different stage in my life now where it's like, you know, I'll go shoot the shit somewhere, let's go somewhere, let's jump in a car and go to another part, you know, and everybody's there. And it's like, you know, I'm not into

fucking watching Ari shit on a stage. I'm not, you know what I mean, I'm not into fucking watching Ari shit on a stage I'm not you know, I mean, I'm not in that was ten years ago when I was into fucking dude shitting I'm just not I just I'm dude. I'm you grew out of your fecal stage. Yeah, dude I mean I did that shit on ONA 15 years ago You took a shit on it now the guy was shitting and the chick was blowing candles out on a cake with her asshole farts You know what I mean? It's like, dude, I have a kid now, a wife. I, but I hang out with younger dude. I hang out with my age guys like Voss and Colin and then me. I think me, you, verzi are kind of contemporaries, but you know, that's just comedy, man. Cause it's, it's all ages, you know?

Cause it's, there's no, like one of my best friends is like 69 68 69. I get it. Yeah No, for real. Yeah, you have a friend that's 68. Yeah, you wouldn't even know so do you yeah, I do He just is like a 12 year old from the 50s I'm saying like we're all mentally ill people boss dresses like he has a gang in the Bronx tail What is it the three aces? He fucks me. I guarantee he might come up. He's gonna come up.

He said he was, but he ordered food. Yeah, of course. Of course he ordered food. He has to eat his blood sugar. He was the first guy I opened for, ever. Really? Back in 97. Where?

Where are you from, dude? I was in South Florida at the time, and then I was in the nightclub business, and then when I started Wait a minute, stop what? See this is what you do you say shit Thought I was in the nightclub business Right the guys that owned the club this guy opened the club up in Boca called Bocanuts

I don't know if you remember that no, it's New York Comedy Club now Okay, Al Martin took it over and then another guy bought it. Right. So these guys were like, Hey, you should hire this kid to, cause they knew I was getting into standup. I had known them prior to that. And then, uh, the guy booked me and then I was like the house and see there. Then they bought me up to feature and then rich came in and then he was from Jersey. And you know, I grew up in like Pasek Patterson area and then we started shooting the shit on that and then he was first guy open for it.

But you're this guy dude, you're like, you always have something going on. Like your whole life you've had other things in the background. Listen man. You're a legit fucking like hustler. I don't know. Like I love to earn man. Why do you call it? Even saying that is like mob talk. I've never said, dude, I got to earn. Well, I'm not trying to come on.

That's just how I it's you know, it's how it's was the word vernacular. Well, you have the bit. I don't know if it's true. Did you actually you robbed the book fair to resell it? Is that is that true? That was when I was a kid. Yeah. What, what the fuck are you talking about? I took the book fair card. I found out where they parked it and I paper jammed the tour. I, um, I do shut the fuck up. You what? What the fuck? Remember they used to set the book fair up in the library. Yes. Yeah. So, you know, it's there for like three days. Yeah. So I'm like, they got to fucking park this thing somewhere. And I followed the lady and she put it in this closet. So I just put, you know, it's there for like three days. Yeah. So I'm like, they got to park this thing somewhere.

And I followed the lady and she put it in this closet. So I just put, you know, where the door closes, the little latch, I just put paper in there, so they thought it was closed. Came back later, kicked the door open and just housed everything. And where'd you sell it? I mean, you know, no, and since you know, you sold it in school. I'll tell you what I, what I really made money on. Remember the NFL pencils? Yeah. Yeah. Those. And then the little grips, everything was coordinated. Yeah. They had those there because the books you only had really had samples, right? Because you had to,

they had them out. You could, and then people would order what they wanted. Yeah. But the pencils, all that shit, the book covers, all that stuff. I ended up getting pinched cuz I fucking told everybody Didn't last long so so what that was fifth grade did you get cuz this is what I used to do This is why I relate to you so much when I was in sixth grade No seventh grade me and Bobby's everything you say even if everything we were under 18 Keep going. I know you we were under 18 keep going I know you were here, but keep going because we might progress to other things

Okay, so we were we were 17 16 when it happened even though statute limitations No, I fucking we me and Bobby's to Kenny when they called lunch tickets We didn't have I didn't have lunch tickets my mom made she refused to go on welfare and get lunch tickets So I should make me a peanut butter jelly every fucking day, it sucked dick. So me and Barbie Siketty, to get money to drink and get drugs, we would go, when they would say, lunch tickets, you know, blah, blah, blah, class, whatever.

We'd go down to the office and as they're coming out of the office with their, remember they had the big, big ream of lunch tickets? You talking about the roll? Yeah, they had like a, you'd have your lunch tickets for the week, we'd remember they had the big, big ream of lunch tickets? You talking about the roll? Yeah, they had like a, you'd have your lunch tickets for the week, we'd be like, yo dude, let me get one of those. And we'd force the kids to give us one lunch ticket,

or we'd beat them up. How old were you? I was in seventh grade, 13. That's the free lunch program. Yeah. I was on free lunch and free breakfast. We would take the lunch ticket, that day we'd get as many as we could,

go to the line, and then there was the kids with the dollars. The mother would give them a dollar. And we'd go, yo, buy the lunch ticket off me for a dollar, you're only lending me 15 cents, because lunch was 85 cents. So they'd be like, fuck, they're not going to get anything with 15 cents anyways. So they'd be like, fuck it, here.

So we'd make a dollar, we'd get the lunch ticket, so we would make like 10 15 bucks a week Just off taking one lunch ticket from people and they would give it and then we'd sell it back to the people with the dollars Um, what were you were not were you at that age? Were you like a long-haired rocker kid? Are you no hip-hop shit? No, there's no I was neither I was neither. I was an Italian Irish kid from Boston. I hung out with all Italians.

So you didn't listen to freestyle? Like Stevie B, X-Bose, Trenier? Yeah, we listened to that shit. Club music? Yeah, it was Cool and the Gang, that type of shit. What year is it? Dude, I'm 54. I was only two years older than me.

Yeah, dude, we used to listen to Cool and Cheese. Fresh, fresh, exciting, doo doo doo doo doo. What was the other one? What was the other one? You dropped a bomb on me. That's the Gap Band. Baby. Or Daz Band.

You dropped a bomb on me. That was a big one. Yeah, you turned me. You dropped a bomb on me. And then, of course Led Zeppelin and all that shit. But yeah, we used to hang out with the Italian kids, listen to the disco. Yeah, okay. I was in the disco.

I was in the disco. I was in the disco. I was in the disco. I was in the disco. I was in the disco. I was in the disco. I was in the disco. then of course Led Zeppelin and all that shit. But yeah, we used to, I was hanging out with the Italian kids, listened to the disco. Yeah. Okay.

So, but the freestyle came a little later than what is freestyle? Uh, expose. You're taking me to the point. No return. I rock music. Yeah, dude. I rock. Remember that shit? Oh yeah yeah cut off shirts. Yeah

Again you got two years. So you graduate with 88. Yeah Or would have graduated I did graduate you cocksucker. I'm not being a dick Being a dick I graduated I was 90 and I did two years of college. Did you really? Yes. I'm smart They passed me over All right, so yes, okay So that freestyle era is where that's more the music I grew up on right you would you a disco You've always been tight hair Nice clothes the Italian mullet. Yeah.

With the, with the baselines in the side. You had the baseline. See, I couldn't grow a tail. So I had to shag. Oh, you did? Yeah. I had a tail. Yeah.

Yeah. You could grow. I had a pony with a little elastic in it. The little one at the back. Here you go. Did you have an earring? I had two, two right here. I have fucking two on, but on the left.

Yeah. On the right, you were a. Yeah. Right ear, bongan ear. Let me ask you. Let's try and alguido each other. Because I got you beat already. I had an Italian horn as an earring. You beat me.

And that's every time... I used to go out with just a vest on. What? Yeah, and the fucking earring. When I look at that picture, I am so glad I got hit with bottles. Nobody deserved it more You had just the Italian order. No, I had a diamond up top and then the horn That's fucking awful, buddy. I had a you kids have no idea. I had a Z cavaricis

Oh, yeah with the belt and then I had a tank top wife beater white with the jacket to match with the shoulder pads. Oh God. That was Oak Tree and you men. Dude, you buttoned, remember the guys that would button like the last two and then have them over their shoulders with the fucking tank top? But I did have a vest, there wasn't time, dude.

Come on, you had to go with just the vest. Buddy, I did the vest, wife beater vest, tight jaw dash. Do you remember Edwin jeans? Did you have Edwin's? Oh, what's that? They were like, they were tight, they were like colored, like they came in different colors.

I used to wear the black, but it was the same thing, they were tight. No, I had Guess. Remember the upside down question mark? Yeah, of course. The triangle? I had guests with the acid wash. Okay.

Yeah, but I also, my shoes, I had a pair of shoes. 30X? No, I had ankle heels with, it was black and white cowhide with lasers, with tight jeans and a vest and a curly mullet, like a curly tight on the side fade with the curls in the back there, nice better gone. And I would do comedy like that, dude.

I remember being at a gas station, and the black guy was just looking at me like, yeah, dude, cause you heard me clicking. He goes, yo, motherfucker, I thought a horse was coming down here, cause I was like click, at me like, yeah. Dude, cause you heard me clicking. He goes, yo, motherfucker, I thought a horse was coming down here. Cause I was like click, click, click, click. You can hear my high heels. I want to, I wish I kept those shoes just.

That's strong buddy. That's a strong look. I mean dude. Wait, you doing comedy with the hair? Party with the hair. My early comedy days, bro. I didn't give a fuck. You have pictures, you gotta have pictures.

There's pictures out there. I don't know. I'm not, I'm't give a fuck. You have pictures, you gotta have pictures. There's pictures out there. I'm not fucking finding them. That's fucking tremendous. Yeah. I mean. That's tremendous. But I used to hang out with like fucking, you know, all, because Boston was segregated. So in the town, like Medford, you know, the Irish lived in North Medford, the Italians

lived in South Medford, the Italians lived in South Medford, so I lived in both, and then West Medford was a mixture of like, you know, white trash and the blacks lived on place, they'd park. And we all had parks, your gang was the park. So Tufts Park was all the Italians. And North Park was all the Irish. I bet that park smelled amazing.

I what, the Italian one? Yeah. Funny, it is a... Like a J'car everywhere. J'car and Polo, Polo was big back then. Polo, J'car, and then remember Angel? No. You don't remember Angel? I thought I knew everything.

Angel, why does that sound familiar? Angel cologne for men, bro. It was the shape of a star, and you smelled like chocolate Women would come up and go What is that and they would flip out of angel? My wife hates it. She wouldn't let me get it. So I can't get it now. Do you remember?

What was the other Mizzi ak Mizzi ak? E what's about? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Mizzi ak But that was that was out of my price range. That was like a Mizzi akki. That was some crazy shit. I gotta check out the images Oh, yeah, you remember that look at that. Yeah, it's a blue sky. Look at that. That that just class fucking magical It is man, you know, it's great after you after you use it. You can make a wish dude You're a big cologne guy. You can make a wish. You can make a wish to get some puss. I mean, back in the day, it was all about getting laid and having fun. Right?

In the 80s, right? 80s, 80s. Getting laid, finding a chick you can fool around with, and I'm not saying make out, whatever, anything. Having a chick on your arm, making out, and getting fucked up with your friends. That was life was about as my childhood. And then when I got sober, it was still about

hanging out with your friends and getting laid. From the beginning of time, it's always been about getting laid for guys. From the beginning of time. You think from the beginning of time you think Yeah, absolutely. You think Adam was just fucking we're not doing this. What are we doing this for right? Like most men fantasize about being off the fucking grid, right? Like if there wasn't a woman that you have to get a house for I would live in a fucking tree and just hunt Every guy that I know we all fantasize You ever fantasize about being off the grid?

Yeah. Snow bells, you just go in the woods. Buddy, I got a tiny house up in New Hampshire. I would, I'd live there in a second. I actually had a fantasy. You ever have daytime fantasies? Like where you just, something happens, God forbid, but something, I had a fantasy one time

that my wife and kid were gone, like something happened to them, and I just quit comedy and moved into the tiny house I had a fantasy one time that my wife and kid were gone, like something happened to them, and I just quit comedy and moved into the tiny house and lived up in the woods in New Hampshire and became that guy. Stopped shaving. Kind of manifesto.

Yeah, just fucking hunt. That smells amazing. Dude, I would make ashtrays out of rock, river rock, try to sell them at whatever local fucking fair was going on. Yeah, I always, when I was married, I always fanned. That's why when I got divorced, I'm like, you know, because I bought this beautiful home in Ohio.

Did we Zen in? Did we Zen? I just threw two in. I got a 12. You got a 12? Jesus. If I'm doing upper lip, two, lower lip, one. Dude, I get hiccups if I do two. You ever get the Zen hiccups? I haven't got them yet. Dude, they're hiccups if I do two. You ever get the Zen hiccups? I haven't got them yet.

Dude, they're bad. Do three, you'll get them. Do three and take a swallow. But once I got divorced and it was me, I was like, God, it's just so much easier. I know we talked about it, but how, you met this chick, you wanted to get married. I think you met her.

No, no, no, when I was with my first girlfriend. I met your first girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, the one I lived with. I didn't meet the wife. You didn't meet the wife. I went away back here. You were in LA. You were doing your thing and then you got married.

Met her in Chicago. So I was back and forth for Chicago for about a year. Then moved her to LA and then we were together for about four or five and then we got married for and then we were together about another five Five years married. Yeah, and then and then and then what what went wrong dude? Just yeah, I don't fucking find out You know, we there was a time cuz you know, we were separated but living in the same house, which was really uncomfortable Cuz you own the house. Yeah, but I had to move out live in the other room

What? Yeah, because you know, we were just, it wasn't just, it wasn't working. So you had to live in the house with her. While we were separated, but then I got out and went to Florida to sleep on my mother's couch. And then, um, then we, you know, it was amicable. We just split every, you know, split the savings and then she got the house. She got, you know, mostly everything. And then why, why does she get mostly everything though? Well, did you do something? No, you did nothing. No, that's not why.

Listen, why is it? We just did, we just stopped, just stopped getting along, man. That's it. To me, it was more, cause I was doing okay, but it was more of the, we just, I mean, you know, it's too long, but you know, you, you know, you just start to drift and a lot of women, I'll just speak for my ex wife. They get nervous about the future there, you know, and then it's like, I gotta be on the

road. I gotta do this. And then everything just felt like, you know, I was, um, I have to tell her constantly, you know, what she meant. She did. As soon as I got signed a divorce papers, fucking two weeks later, I get a check from Cobra Kai because it got picked up from Netflix. Then everything just fell, you know, started doubling up and falling into place. Go back to go back.

You shot Cobra Kai YouTube, YouTube premium, premium. It was a street. Yeah. The streaming one. And then it's gone. It's. Premium. It was a stream. Yeah. The streaming one. And then it's gone. It's done. This is the last season. Yeah.

No, but it went on. YouTube was like, we're done with this. What happened was they were going to dissolve the, uh, the, what they were doing. Cause they were trying to do original programming. Cause I think Cobra Kai was like their first flagship show. Yeah. And it was a hit. Yeah, it was a hit, but people weren't subscribing to. So they were like, all right, we're going to, we're not going to do this.

Um, but they, we had aired the first two seasons on YouTube premium or YouTube red, but everybody kept saying fucking red tube. So they had to change it to premium because that's a board. Yeah. It's a point. One of my favorites, by the way, it was strong. And then the third season was in the can. So when

Netflix acquired it and they acquired it during the pandemic. What's up, brother? What's up, dude? And then Netflix produced the last three. Why do you got to come in with that face? Why? Why? What? Where's Bonnie? She's not. She's not. She's up here going to the bathroom. Is she coming in? I don't fucking know. Turn his mic on, please. You don't know your mic's not on, you know why? I don't care why. Your headphones aren't on. I don't care, I can hear you.

Well, why do you gotta come in? I didn't come in, I just came in and sat down. You just came in with a face. Yeah, thank God. I have my face, all right? What club is that? It's fucking Barstool. Oh, I get it. It's not a club. All right. What club is that? Fucking bar stool. Oh, I get it. It's not a club. I know. Hurry up, Joe.

Hurry up. Hurry up. So set them up, Joe. Got a little story. I said hurry up. You said hurry up. You're an asshole. You're gay. Yeah. So what? Most of your friends are. No, I was just talking about when his show was on Netflix. What show? I mean, YouTube. Kyle Buckeye was on YouTube for two seasons. And then they douched it and they had the third season already in the can. So did you

think that it might have not gone anywhere, right? No, no, no. It was already... So you knew. I didn't know... Bonnie, come in and sit down. I know you hate doing podcasts. I didn't think I would- I thought I wasn't much invited. No, you're absolutely invited, but I told Vos, I go, Bonnie hates when you force her to do these things, and I don't want her to feel like she has to-

That's not why you told me that we fight too much. No, I said that you get fucked up and you think we gang up on you every time and we're not it appears you two are married Because every time here's a problem why is it so hot you turn her microphone on Okay, here's the deal every time us three get together, okay, you came up on me no we don't We don't fucking team up on you We do not team up on you, dude. It's just, you think that. We were doing a live TV show.

TV, live, all night, for Comedy Central. This fucking main, we're just having fun. We're literally sitting at the table down, just having a fun time. And then he has a mood swing. I mean literally fucking out of nowhere. He yells at Bonnie on mic, on camera, fucking. Yells at his wife, respected comedian in the business

and a woman and his wife, three things in front of me. You fucking. Can he flick the food or something? He threw cake or some shit. No, she threw cake at me. No. No, that was the second time. We did the same joke.

Same shit happened. This fucking maniac throws a. You're doing it again. Like a fucking child. They teamed up on me. We didn't? I'm confused. So what set you off?

You think me and Bonnie caught him? No. You think Adam? No. Here's what happened. Bobby and I were joking around. We had a flow going and we were back and forth, back and forth and he felt left out. No, it was back about me. No, no. It wasn't even about you. You just kept saying we were ignoring you and that we weren't laughing when you'd say stuff. What grown man says you're ignoring me to his friend and his wife on mic. And then he says, he said, I believe he said, now don't quote me but I believe, shut the fuck up. No I didn't. Yes, yes.

On mic, in front of a crew of people, Comedy Central, shut the fuck up. And she went, whoa. And I was like, I go. I was having fun with you. I didn't realize, I didn't sense how upset that he was getting. Because you know why?

He's a grown man. And he's not a child. But I forget that it's Rich Fawne. And he went from fucking zero to 60. Yeah, he got so mad. I'm like, Alexis, it's hot in here. Why is it so hot in here? I know, because you're being fucking grilled for being an asshole. Yeah, he got so mad. I'm like Alexis. It's hot in here. Why is it so hot in here? I know because you're being fucking grilled for being an asshole. Yeah. I don't

care. Favorite thing in the world where he does it like a topic. He's suddenly like, he gets into menopause. Yes, the deflection. No, but it is hot. Oh, what are these? Interesting. I'd say his name was podcast. You know what, dude? Oh my God god you didn't know that oh my god you would you think you're from Pier one imports are you gonna get them? Steve Burn. Steve Burn what? What? It was Steve Burn. Talk on the microphone. Yes. What happened? We couldn't figure out who when he somebody called ahead when he was moving out. Well when I moved to LA I went to LA for like two years, and I went out there, remember pilot season? Yeah, that was a thing.

Ugh, fucking, I remember I had to go out there, I got some type of apartment, some shit dude's apartment, and I went out there and I booked a pilot. Like, fucking booked it. From auditioning? I walked in the audition, bombed, I'm walking out, I literally grabbed the door frame, I went, wait, I go, I have to do this again.

Wow, awesome. And the lady was like, no, you're great, you know, the guy, the producer was like, let him do it again, people usually don't want to get this right. And I did it again, fucking nailed it, and I was like, thank you so much, I would have been talking to myself in the car on the way home, doing the lines for the next two weeks.

And 10 minutes later on the 405 in traffic, they want you for the part. They're offering you like nine five right now an episode. What's nine five? 9,500? Oh my God. Nine, from nine to five? They want you to, from nine to five?

The whole day? That's kind of light though for a pilot. What nine to five? They wanted you to, from nine to five? The whole day? That's kind of right though for a pilot. What was it for? Yeah. I mean that hurts. Reality. That was the first offer. I'm just saying.

They got it up to 15. And still, they're still. I mean, what are they paying like 45,000 in episode? I mean for. This is, this is. I think the WGA was. This was 1998 and it was a USA network. A lot of money. Cable, cable money.

All right, sure. This is when they had 18. This tracks. Yeah. So I'm in the car, like, I'm like, I don't need, they're like, we're gonna ask for more. I'm like, nine five is good. Like I'm at that point, like, dude, just fucking nine five.

They come back, boom, boom, boom. I fucking booked this show. Remember the name of it? They wind up, the other guy winds up getting it. There was two guys up for it. For your part? Well, when you book a show, I'll tell you. Yeah, we've had pilots.

Oh, that was a test. They paid you for a test? No, they have to get, they have to. I'm not following either. They have to. Booking to me means you got it. No, they have to make you. I'm not following either. Booking to me means you got it. They have to make you, if they have like three guys, they have to do your contract.

So they're like, it's up these last few guys. No, that's just, they make your contract so you can go and do the last audition. So when they say, you're the guy. You're the guy, your deal's already, you already agreed to everything, it's all done, right? So they did that. So I'm at 15, a nap, they call me back,

I have to wait till like two days later, they call me up, they go, you didn't get it. And I'm like, fuck, I'm literally. I feel like this story, you set us up, you said you booked it, you go, I booked it. Wait, I'm gonna tell you, there's more of the story. I'm still in it. I'm sure there's more of the story, but I'm just saying that next time you tell the story, you don't start with, I booked it. You didn't book it. There's more of the story. I'm still in it. I'm sure there's more of the story,

but I'm just saying that next time you tell the story, you don't start with I booked it. Well, in my brain, I did. When you didn't book it. I did book it. If you let me finish. Sorry. Now she's picking on me.

I know. I'm just saying. It's his story. Let him tell a story. I wish you could still hit him. You thought he booked it, did you not? And then yeah, and I was like, they robbed him. Let me finish. We knew it was cable. In the mic. We knew it was cable. I wish you could So they cut but they go listen the director the producer loves you so much

They want to offer you this other part. It's one episode You keep killed off in the first episode. It's nine five. They go back to nine five. I go fucking great So here's a problem the the role that they gave me was for a black dude. So when I showed up to wardrobe, it was all like Fubu gear. Yeah, it was all rapper. It was all rapper shit. They didn't change it. So I just looked like a fucking rapper. And, uh, the guy who got my part, we both had goatees because that was what we're looking for. And they're like, well, why don't you have to shave your goatee Because we can't have both you guys looking the same and this kid immediately actor. I can't shave mine I look too young so like all right you have to shave yours I they gave me a mustache so I had a mustache with fubu all the shit

I look like an asshole. Please tell me you got pictures of this I The show is somewhere. Thank God it never aired. But I we shoot. So you made the pilot. Made the pilot. I literally didn't know anything about the business. I'm surprised you didn't start off. I won an Academy Award. Did I ever tell you guys this story? This is how delusional. I won an Academy Award. This is, we heard you. This is the, we got it. I didn't think it got a big enough one. I know, but you don't force it. Okay. I got a standing ovation when I told the story. Well, I thought I did. I'm sitting in front of my trailer.

I didn't even know you got a trailer. I'm just sitting on the curb smoking, and the lady was like, the PA was like, is something wrong with your trailer? I'm like, what? And they had my character's name. I didn't know they put the character's name on there. Tape?

The tape, and it said whatever, Doug, whatever my fucking dumb went in. We booked this thing. I'm so delusional I'm walking through the mall while we're filming this pilot with my hat down like someone might recognize me It's never been aired. It's not even picked up The only people that were recognized me is like a key grip from the pilot right that's how fucked up I am and they're like, oh, this is they'd say this on every show. This is the best thing This is definitely going this is the best thing, this is definitely going,

this is the best thing we've ever shot, this is, this is gonna go for a while, and I'm already spending the fucking money in my head. Well, it's only 10 grand. I, well, here's what happened. On the show, wait, it gets work, it gets better. I can't wait. So on the show, the producers like me so much,

cause I'm just hanging out fucking around, they go, we wanna make you a series regular. Oh, we want, we don't want to roller coaster. We don't want to kill your character off. We want to keep you. We want you to be a series regular. And they go back up to 15. Yeah. I'm on it. I'm not getting killed. They're going to wound me in the first episode. Right. I'm like, this is fun. I mean, this is is unbelievable I just from me stopping at the door and going back in and doing it right. I'm a series fucking regular now dropping ass So I go back and I'm waiting Doug. I'm waiting for the pilot to get picked up I waited for the I'm like, you know that I'm waiting for this thing to go on air Two years later. I'm still waiting. I just stayed in LA going, they might pick it up. I kept

saying, Oh yeah. Your agent didn't say it's done? No, they, we haven't heard anything. That's all. You still, it might, hey, there might still be, It still happened. They wound up dumping me. They wound up dumping me like six months later. Yeah, he's right here. Wait, what? We

It's good, it's going on. They bumped you up to 10,000 You got a five hundred dollar bump. All right, Carrot Top relax. Let me tell you how fucked up Jason Steinberg. When we had our pilot for Comedy Central. Now this is 18 years ago. Twenty thousand dollars apiece we were getting. An episode.

First of all, when you said nine five. He started going in his head, I gotta tell this story. No, no, I gotta tell my story. He's waited a very long time. His necklace started glowing. As soon as you mentioned money. I said nine five, he did take his day. It fucking popped up. He said nine five,5", and she's like, wait, what? 9'5".

Dude, what are you in those old, stretched out shirts? Listen, I'm not kidding about this. I tell you people all the time, the only t-shirt I own, this hoodie I'm wearing, the pants on my body, and the underwear that's on my sack, I'm not kidding, it's all true classic. All I wear is true classic. It's the most comfortable, snug t-shirt. It's up top, it fits your body nice and tight,

and it has a little room down the bottom, so it's not hugging you some like some European Spanish guy shirt and I feel like a sausage every time I put a shirt on you feel like crap when you put your clothes on you should feel comfortable no matter what size you are and true classics have figured it out the jeans are stretchy. They're awesome. I wear all I wear is true classic jeans. The hoodies are Unbelievable all I wear true classic you can get these things in three to six to nine packs Do yourself a favor guys if you want a comfortable t-shirt that you're gonna wear all the time If you want clothes that fit you and you feel good in them and you feel good about yourself, they're the best.

They've even got a new line of sweaters, fleece hoodies, long sleeves, and natural colors to mix into the wardrobe. They have a whole wardrobe, my wardrobe. You can go to True Classics and you get all the stuff you need. Wives, girlfriends, you wanna hook your guy up for Christmas, go there now, get this code and use it

and he will love you forever, ever. The holidays are here and true classics, ultra comfortable, perfect fitting essentials make for the perfect gift for you and the bros in your life. So, if you're ready to upgrade your closet, shop now and unlock big savings during this huge holiday sale.

Just go to my exclusive link at trueclassics.com slash dude to save. That's trueclassics.com slash dude. Support my show and tell them I sent you. End the year with holiday cheer thanks to True Classic. So we do this pilot. This is, we know where it's going. It's so good.

It was really funny. Here we go, this is it. This is 20 grand in episode D. By the way, this is just a couple weeks before our wedding. We were getting married. So I'm working. That's what weddings are, yeah. Charlie, yeah, I hope you fall backwards

and snap your neck. Why? Will you stop? I could have a bottle of water. Could you have a water? Can you stop? I don't know. So I'm working Charlie Goodnights, packed,

fucking bragger. Fucking Jason Stimer calls me Friday night right before I go on and goes, they're not picking up the pilot. I go, you couldn't wait to fucking Monday to tell me? I want a fucking piece of shit. So then though, we go to Canada, we're, you know, to go get married,

and he is everywhere we go, just dragging his ass, he's in a bad mood people think he's doesn't want to get married people who like this guy really fucking cannot I love that she she thinks it's the pilot oh it was the 20 grand I got some of those horror stories man it's it's all it's the worst did you go to LA right from the beginning like from Florida well moved from Jersey to Florida, right? I came, yeah, while I was in Florida and then I came up here for, I was living, I was selling shit on fucking in Jersey on the 17th out of my trunk. For the company with the pool sticks and all that shit? No, it was refurbished items. P-Touch

label makers, like all kinds of shit. Stolen shit. No, it wasn't stolen. It was refurbished I know what you're told. Where'd you get it? That is some warehouse in the city. So you go get refurbished shit and sell it Yeah, well that you know, I'd a guy did you tell them refurbished? That yeah, we were selling like I was selling cell phones and shit cuz I was up here first. Oh What the fuck were their names? God did there were two guys that used to book the rooms up here back in the 90s. Comedy guy? There was two of them. They were like a part team.

He only knows guys before the 70s. God damn, it'll come to me again. The 90s was yesterday. Steve Byrne. Not Steinberg and Ed. No. No. It was one of them had curly hair. What's up? I just wanted to ask you something. Steinberg and it no no it was one of my curly hair

What's up Your anthrax package came yeah, that's your vitamins You you blue pills 20 grand What's up, babe? It's a little light. Hi, Bubba. How are you? What are you taking a fucking switch blade out for? To open. It's an envelope, just open it. What's wrong with you?

You can open them easy, you fucking West Side Story. What the fuck? This came to the seller? I hope it is Anthrax. You sure you wanna open that? You wanna help? What is that? It's another knife.

It's a knife from that guy. Is that from, oh, you know who that's from? Yeah, that guy on the internet, he said I can get you one of these knives. Do you know what that is? Yeah. What is it? They only make a couple of these a year from that guy. For circumcision?

If it's that guy, it's not they, first of all. It's him. He only makes a few a year. Who? Who? Where's my glasses? I forget his name. Are those my readers? Do you want me to tell you? Oh no, those are yours. Those are yours. Do you want me to tell you? That's how you know you're old. From who? What's the guy's

name? Do you want me to tell you? Yeah, yeah. Okay. That is a Jack Lord knife. Yeah, Jack Lord. Stop saying yeah, like you knew. Stop. Dude, It's razor sharp. Don't fucking do that put it back in not that way Stupid the other way. I like the case and that that is a knife There's one guy that may tag on it how much it's worth. No, if he did that That's great. That's that knife is one of a kind that one guy makes that from every single piece of that He makes that yeah from from the steel, from scratch, everything, the sheath, everything. You can't get those knives.

Can't get them. Let me see, that's the legal length, right? Four fingers? Look at that. That's strong. That's a bushcraft knife. Yeah. Yeah. This is going in my...

This is gonna... In your asshole? It's gonna go in your neck. I think I think he was gonna say my wife That will be the way the knife that you murder Bonnie you ever had you got one of these I got yeah, I got one Nice, that's a fucking great gift. That's scruffy bones. Yeah scruffy bone. Yeah the guy on the internet Yeah, I get I gotta thank him on our podcast tomorrow remind me scruffy bones. Yeah, I get, I got to thank him on our podcast tomorrow. Remind me scruffy bones. Oh, I will. This is scintillating. Yeah, it's scintillating. Well, thank you. I told you she hates doing these things. Okay. So back to his story. I can't think of these

guys names. Soon as I say them, you're going to go, Oh fuck, I forgot about it. They were booking comedy shows in the microphone. Two of them, two guys. Can't believe I was doing radio. And they're like, yeah, if you come to New York, we'll get you work. And then I came up here. Not Roger Paul, no. No, no. And then, so I was just surviving, man.

And then, because I had met a girl that, you know, I was in love with, and I told her I was going to New York because she was in LA. And then I said, fuck it it and I went to LA. It'll come to me. Did you go to acting class and do all that? And then you did well in LA, right? Well, when I had, so when I went to Montreal in 03,

I ended up getting a deal but then they put me in class. What's that? Acting class. Oh. They put you in, you had to complete the sentence. What, the network or something? We don't know, but you got the deal. the network paid for me to get into an acting class. And then I got another deal a year after.

Which I couldn't do class, man. Stop saying class. I couldn't do it. But you've done a lot of acting, right? You didn't need it. No, the auditioning is the thing that you really should try and practice. I took an audition class when I got to LA and that fucking helped me so much.

It's, you know, it's a whole different, it's a whole different, because you could fake it. Once you get on set, it's easy. Yeah. You know? It's almost- Rich said yeah, even though he's never been on set. Yeah, really, I wasn't in American,

I can name a bunch of stuff. Name it. See, American Dreams, I played Lenny Bruce. We get that. What that King of Staten Island Tough crowd 30 episodes not a TV show. Yeah, we did see we did skits on it. He's skitted Jim Gaffigan we just get Jim Gaffigan show. What else I do I can't really Know oh, so you are good. I'm not you're a good actor, dude I saw you on that pop show and then there was another thing. I saw you on it's okay

I was like fuck. I didn't know to keep really good. Yeah, he's good. He's good. He's not yeah He's not a good person. You can tell me what he's doing. I'm gonna be like he's an actor Oh, I couldn't do class man. I just couldn't do it everybody you get everybody's too fuck Everybody was too like let's go to work. I don't want to hear about it. So I had this amazing spinach. Like shut the fuck up. I got kicked out because I, dude, I was laughing because they did this stupid exercise. We were supposed to close your eyes and, and, and I'm not, dude, this is hilarious.

Can we try it right now? No, buddy. This was hilarious. Try it right now. So that, you know, they always got to make it like fucking therapy. Try it right now. Tell us what to do. hilarious. Try it right now. Let's go. So, you know, they always got to make it like fucking therapy. Try it right now. Tell us what to do.

We'll do it right now. Let me get to the story. So anyways, I'm an actor. They close, he closes his eyes and she goes, you're five years old. Where are you? And he's like, uh, my mom's making cookies. I'm not kidding you. He goes, my mom's making cookies. I'm not kidding you. He goes, my mom's making cookies.

They smell so good that he goes, Oh, dad's home. And then I fucking lost. Yeah. Already. It's so uncomfortable. Yeah. Like why are we going there? And you're not really there guy.

Right. My, my, my would have been, I smell cookies. Dad's never coming home. So then I started laughing and she got mad at me and she's like, you know, what are you laughing for? You know, and I'm like, I'm sorry. And then he started getting into like the don't hit her, you know, it's like, come on, man. I had one of those moments too, where people were just being ridiculous and I was laughing

and she was like, why are you laughing? And I was like, I can't, cause this is just insane. So I just paid for a coach. And then I just did personal coach. I had a coach too, I had a personal coach. My original acting teacher from Boston was my personal coach for a long time. I would just hire him, anytime I got something

to work with me alone. Cause I went to acting classes in LA, and I never did them in New York, cause they were weird. Like you have to act like an, one was like, get on the ground and act like a lion. He told me to cry, or get on the ground and cry. I go, what? Get the fuck out of here.

I can't cry. I mean, cry when my dad or mom died. I'm not going to cry in your acting class. Did you cry when your parents died? No. Tripoli was like, when he got out of class, he goes, look, I just want to be a drug dealer on the OC. That's what he told her. What are we doing?

I told her. That's so funny. Did you get on sick? Into the microphone. I had a few pilots. One year was really strong. I booked this thing for Fox that was like the main show with Gary Cole.

And then I was a principal. And then I got this this thing for Fox. That was like the main show with Gary Cole. And then I, you know, I was, I was a principal and then I got this talk show for E and, uh, and I was looking at a strong year and I figured, all right, so UTA stepped in cause I was already first on the, on the talk show, but Fox wanted me to be first on that. So E was like, all right, we'll make them second on this because I mean, so, uh, second position. Yeah. Second position.

So in other words, one is, has to take priority. If they both wanted it, I have to choose this one, but I had already signed it anyways. Long story. Born. They both agreed. So I'm sitting pretty and I'm thinking, all right, one of them has to go stand up too, right? Yeah. But I figured one of them has to go.

And then, you know, next thing you know, I'm in a fucking strip mall in Iowa. Neither of them went. Right. So it's an $800,000 a year gone. Oh, God. And then you're like, all right, well, back to the drawing board. But the thing is, is that if you were just an actor,

you wouldn't even have the strip mall in Iowa. Like, at least we get to get- Comedy is in what I always did and saw everyone wanted. Right. You know, everything else. I agree. Then I had a, I got an option because I've been optioned twice as a screenwriter and there was my, my script was in the queue for this next, uh, for the next one.

Yeah. And I got invited to the premiere for this movie and, uh, I'm watching the movie and I'm like, uh, shit, it just, it was awful. Then the thing bombed. They lost like $25 million. Oh no. So there goes your script. From your script? No. I was next up. So they were like, look, we're going to produce this. I'll tell you the movie

off air. And then they're like, we're producing this movie. It's going to be huge. You know, so I got invited to the premiere. I remember sitting there watching it and going, what the fuck is going on? And then they're all their money was in this and they were banking on the guy because you know, he's a big, big, big guy. It's, it's, do I know, do I know the person? I'll tell you off. But do I know the person? Everybody does. Did I know the person? Personally? No, I don't know the person everybody? Did I know the person personally? Yeah, I don't know okay, and then and then then that was it it bankrupted the production company And then I've had two sitcoms that I you know was starting that didn't go Well, yeah, why did you you left LA to go to Vegas you like being in Vegas now? I love it

You like yeah, love it. Do you have did you buy like a condo? I bought a condo. Yeah. Dream. Absolutely. And he has a residency. No, to be divorced is his dream. That's where he's going. No.

Oh, you know, listen, when I was on the balls of my ass, like I was saying, when they picked up Cobra Kai, I got a nice check. And then I got the SBA loan came through. Yeah. I couldn't get unemployment. I was living in fucking Ohio. They didn't even have it as a category as an entertainer.

They fucking, I got 20 grand. Then they write to me, when are you gonna pay this back? Like a couple months ago, I had the accountant. Are you making, no I don't have to pay it back. The accountant took care of all of that shit. You know, with his money? No, no, he wrote a letter. So you just had to write a thing why, you know, you got it.

Because that's the time we weren't working. Well, the interest rates were so low. It was like I got it for like under 2 percent. It's like free money. Right. You know, and then but then I just bought the condo. And I got in right before everybody started coming out there. No, I'm talking about what about your Ohio house? That's his mom. She got that. Oh, your wife got the Ohio. Oh, is it a nice house? Was it nice? Gorgeous. So you basically

took a big hit. It's just it is what it is. And you know, as men, it's it is what it is. It's just it is what it is. And you know, as men, it is what it is. So. You think I could get everything? You probably could. In New York, absolutely. But you own everything. Jersey, absolutely.

It's not mine anyway. Yeah, you're the breadwinner. He might make out. It's yeah, he'd actually get more. He'd get the money. Where does this come from? Oh, it's a joke. It comes from joking and doing comedy.

I just got smashed for eight minutes on my fucking 95 Everybody knows from your hands and your necklace that you make a lot of money Yeah, you spent all your money on jewelry and cars. I just bought a new car. No, you didn't. What'd you get? Alexis I had Alexis is Is the sport Lexus and it was a Lexus IS, the sport Lexus, and it was a year old, and I saw one, it's that car, but I like the color better.

No, it was almost new. I never drive a car less than six months old. Why do you keep buying fucking new cars? One, I write it off in taxes, and two, I like the color on this one. And? You're never gonna fill the hole. Huh? You're never gonna fill the hole. Huh?

You're never gonna fill the hole. No. Well, we stopped. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ah. You're, what are you talking about? The more, the more. You buy more shit than I do. I do not buy fucking a new car every six months. Did you just buy a trailer? I didn't buy it. Why not?

Because I bought a house. How do you like your new house? It's awesome. What, the tiny house? No, I bought another house. Where? Don't worry about it, I got 18 houses. When I, what?

I got 18 houses, don't worry about it. I'll buy everybody a fucking house. When I sold my last house, I paid off all of New of New Hampshire like I have two plots of land and the house That's all mine now, and then I bought this new house, but we read she She renovated everything. That's so it's almost done, but it's been a fucking nightmare We've been all sleeping in the same area for over a month I said to her when my daughter's 18 next year I just want to get a one bedroom condo somewhere warm

that I could shoot down for a couple weeks in the winter, play golf, do whatever, and she thinks that's crazy. Why? Because just get an Airbnb. It's just a condo. If you buy a condo, then you own it, and then you can sell it.

And then I have my shit there. Bonnie, he'll be gone for months. No. Airbnb, weeks. Condo, months. He's allowed, believe me, he's allowed to do whatever he wants. In my opinion, I don't think it's the smartest move.

What are you gonna do? I don't know, I'll cross that bridge when I get to. You can't go wrong with real estate though. Yeah. No way. It depends on the market. I just gotta figure out when I get there. You can't go wrong with real estate though. Yeah. No way. It depends on the market. I just gotta figure out where I want it. Just a one bedroom. You want to go to Vegas.

Nah. No, I don't want to go. I like Vegas because there are golf courses and I can work anywhere. That's right, you golf last time. Yeah. I can work anywhere. But it's too long of a flight. I want something like...

Florida. Hilton Head. I don't want to go to Florida because it's too nerve-racking. South Carolina is strong. Yeah, Hilton Head or Myrtle Beach. Yeah, South Carolina is good over there. Still fairly cheap. And then you go a little hour south of Charlotte,

I mean, right at the border. But just places in Myrtle Beach, in skyscrapers, you know, on the ocean. Hey, shoot that knife over here. Hey, do me a favor, before you do it, can you get me too? Yeah, this guy was saying that. So I'm just saying, you know, he knows, you know what I'm saying. We all know it.

We all have it. When you're in LA, do you still audition for things? Thank God COVID happened because, well, here's the cool part. It really did open it up for me. So being in Vegas, like now- What did, COVID? So people could just audition on zoom. Oh yeah. So it's, it became a thing that now people still do it even though you had to learn,

like auditioning on zoom, you had to learn to like look at the camera. I bombed, I bombed on a recent one cause of the zoom. And then I'm like, look, let me just send a tape in, but I'd rather send the tapes in now cause you can do it over and over again. Right, right, right. But the good part is I'm a 45 minute flight, three and a half hour drive, but they don't waste my time now. Right.

Because when I was in LA, all right, we'll see them, we'll see them. Right. And now if they want me to come out, I'm going to either be the producer session or they really want to test you. Right. But has Cobra Kai given you a lot more since now this is the last season, it's done, right? Yeah, it's been done. Has it helped you get more shit? Giving you a lot more since now. This is the last season. It's done, right? Um, yeah Is it helped you like get more shit? Um, yeah, I just booked like an animated film. I play a pigeon

What do you what was the pigeon voice? It's just me. I think it's perfect. It's me and Dominic, you know, Dominic Lombardo. I love him Yeah, me and Dom play like Tom Domino. He lives up near me. He's great. Dom's a good dude, man. He was great. He's a, no, he's an actor. He's in fucking Tulsa King, the bald guy. He was in The Wire. He plays the, he plays.

Oh, he's in a lot of stuff. Yeah, he works a lot that kid. You know who's, guy. You know who else he was? In Yellowstone, remember when Beth got raped by the guy with the mask? Yeah. That was him. But he didn't want them, he said,

she didn't want to be raped by a day player. So she was like, I want somebody, an actor, so they asked him to do it. He said, I'll do it, you can't use my name, and I need my face covered. I don't want people to know it's me that I did this, but I'll do it. He just ratted him out.

No, he told the story okay he already told the story yeah you watching a penguin I heard yeah nominal it's good it's great I gotta see it now I've heard it from like ten people yeah it's fucking great you know well Tom was in Bronx tail he's the guy selling the gun that's right yeah Tom's been that guy's in everything he's in Tulsa King. What else did I just see him in? I just saw him in something. There's another guy. Power. He was in Power. Yeah. Wire. Did you guys audition together? No. They just offered and then then we both went to the booth. I'll tell you, animation works the best. Fucking great. You just roll out. Oh my god. I think that'd be the best. You could read

your stuff, right? Well, yeah. you read it. Then then they, you know, you're getting 18 different directions while you're recording. Then they, then they animate it. Can't stand you. You can read your stuff. Yeah. Yeah. No work whatsoever. You know, I had to memorize. Now you'd have to memorize shit. Okay. I got to tell a story about rich. So he would, he, it's good. Addition for a show. First of all, he's gonna audition for a show. First of all, he's always complaining that he's gonna audition. He finally gets an audition for this show.

What was, I don't remember the show. Anyway, I tell him I'm not gonna help him with it because it's always a fight if I get involved, you know? And he goes, I just need you to film me. Just film me, that's all I need you to do. He's a- I was a plumber. A plumber, okay. So I go- Attracts all I need you to do. He's a... I was a plumber. A plumber, okay.

So I go... Attracts. I go fine, okay. So, you know, got the phone, I follow him. He goes downstairs, he's yakking away, goes downstairs, he goes into the... To the furnace. Utility furnace room, the furnace room.

He starts talking about stuff that's in there. And I start thinking, there's no way this is that long. And the dialogue is so dumb. And he's supposed to be a plumber, but he's in the furnace room. And so I stop, I go, what's going on? He goes, I'm just ad libbing some stuff, okay? They don't like that.

So he won't learn his lines. He just ad lib, he goes, I'm just gonna gonna add I'm just gonna send this and add you know I thought they don't want to watch an hour No, stop. They actually do I bet they still watch it today No, I still I bet they still send it show everybody and it just comes up as a text. I think the bargain I didn't do that because it's a one-day rule Did they really he doesn't understand't understand that they don't want somebody that's like, oh, let's just let them roll.

Like let's just let them. There's only one pilot, or one show I read for where they were strict, and that was Sopranos. And Chase wants every inch. I heard that from the documentary, I couldn't believe it. I thought there was a lot of stuff. Yeah, and I was reading just for a small role. It was Meadow's boyfriend. Remember when he comes over and goes, goes you got cream on yeah, and she's sitting across from the guy

I was reading I got a call back finish this oh he did he just finished it He was right at the end and you stepped on it. Oh, sorry go ahead. You were the guy sorry No, that was that was it. I can tell when the story's over. I wish this one was so go ahead No, I read and they brought me back again. Yeah. Okay, that's great. So anyway, I read for the Sopranos. So that fucking Christian, whatever Chris Walken's wife. Very nice woman, by the way. Yeah, I go in there. I'm the first one in in the morning and I'm doing she started reading my lines And it fucked me up. I didn't know she was trying to help you

They'll bring you in and but they've already offered the role to somebody right so they're just waiting on them So they go through the audition process They have to you have to case this person says no Yeah And then you're getting tested and then, but they're just waiting. And then if that person says, yeah, then you never had it to begin with. So I tell like a lot of young, the younger dudes or comics or actors, when you go in there, you don't know, just do you.

Don't worry about it. I was, I was. So many different things, factors that happened that you have no idea. Right. Walken's wife was great to me. She brought, I almost got the role of turtle on. Oh wow. While you were too slow?

Ha ha ha ha. That would have been great for you. Which one's turtle? Jerry, Jerry's one of my best friends too. Yeah, like I. Yeah, he won up. Oh, the fat kid. The fat kid.

Entourage? Did you lose weight? I was skinnier at the time. We had that skinny fat guy I used to talk about? That was hilarious, by the way. I went in for sopranos too, and in the middle, I was there, and Chase, everybody was there. It was like down to the last two or three guys. And in the middle of my scene, she took me outside.

She goes, stop using your hands. Oh my god. Just sit on your hands. You're using your hands too much. So I just went in now and fucked in my head. Right. Because I just went in, I sat on my hands and I just delivered the line like this didn't even blink.

They were like, okay, see you later. And they brought me in again and it was down to three guys and it was fucking, I'm like, fuck man. Somebody was in there killing me, other guy and then the guy comes It was Pat Cooper and he came out and he did like five minutes just in the room Murdering everybody's loving I was just like I'm just gonna go home I'm not fucking higher Pat Cooper. I think they know they hired the other guy. They didn't even hire that fuck my I mean, man That's what I mean. You don't know Mike Epps had a small role in Sopranos.

We played a gay guy or something. That's what helped him blow up. That's what got him a lot of stuff. Yeah, he was the roommate when they came to the door. When, yeah. Oh, wow. And that's what got him a lot of shit. I did, when I first got out, this was stupid.

I figured in my head, because, you know, I played sports. I won every audition I failed, I kept, because they would sing you scripts back then to read, and I kept them. And I was just seeing how many it would take. And then I realized, I'm just fucking staring at my failure. You know what I mean? So I was like, fuck this. I just got rid of them. And then, you know, just you land something. Right. Once you get the first one, it, you know, it helps. It was probably good reading all those scripts for when you wrote your own. Yeah, it did. It helped. But my first, cause I was on Young and the Restless when I got out there. I was like, that's how I got my car. Yeah. Then

I got like, that's fucking acting. Dude. I got one, my first line like that's fucking acting dude. I got one my first line I was fucking playing a waiter at a at a college cafe Meanwhile, I'm pushing 30 and then I had to leave that and go really wait tables It was like, you know, I went from playing a waiter I don't know fucking cheese back feel bad for actors because at least us we get to go to whatever shit club doesn't even matter We still get to go and do comedy and make some money. Actors, if they don't book a fucking gig, have you seen actors? It's tough, man.

Like who were in shit and then they stopped booking shit? And they don't have money. Like they're getting checks for like 14 bucks. You remember the shit we had to do, mailing out fucking VCR tapes to bookers? Yeah. It was like $ hundred dollars a month. You had a press kit with your stupid headshot.

The resume stapled. They wanted one staple. They wouldn't give me an audition one time. And Matt Frost, they were like, we need a tape. And I didn't have a tape. I didn't have anything really. So they're like, we need a tape, but we won't see him. I'm in LA. He's in New York. So for an audition for this part so he just took a blank tape and stepped on it and mailed it that's fucking and they got it they're like it's it was broken

in the mills ah shadow we don't have time like I just bring them in oh just bring him in that's awesome I didn fucking smart. I hated LA auditions. You had to find parking. Oh I know, what a sweaty fucking job. They make you walk through the. For commercials sometimes you go to four or five a day. And you come in, I have to go to the bathroom and like cool down.

Changing your clothes in the car. Oh fucking terrible. Oh my God. I got back from the after. The microphone is by you. When I got back from the after. I mean is it fucking right in the car, and oh my god. Oh, fucking terrible. When I got back from Aspen. The microphone is by you. When I got back from Aspen.

I mean, is it fucking right that he doesn't put his headphones on? I don't tell him things anymore. I don't have mine on. Yeah, but you're not an ass. Okay. You're not putting the microphone to your tit. I got back from Aspen,

and I had all the seat from Aspen, but I had real bad anxiety. I mean, bad. The worst, you know. And my agent had a time, we had this audition for you. I go, I had real bad anxiety. I mean bad, the worst, you know. And my agent at the time, we have this audition for you. I go, I can't do it, I can't, just no way. I'm just, I was, she goes, you'll be fine. So I go there for the head of casting for Fox,

and I have the, you can see the sides in my arms like this, right? Like this. That's always a good sign. See, they called my manager and said, we can never see him again. When they sang on those generals, I used to fake it, man.

Like I would sit there and act like I'm taking a moment. You know what I mean? And just fucking. Anytime I didn't give a fucking audition, I would book it. You can't care, man. I once had a booger in my nose when they called me in and I could feel it.

So I just, when they were like, oh, you're ready, I'm like, I'm ready. I just went, I dug the booger out, I rolled it and I flicked it and I waited for the sound and it hit the wall and I went, and I went into the scene. I swear to God, I booked it, law and order, I booked it. They fucking, I don't know,

I think it's weird shit like that, because they don't fucking know. There's probably no idea. Well, I'll tell you what happens is, I've been on the other side a little bit, and every actor, I don't know how they know this, they all do the exact same thing. They stand at the same time, they sit at the same time.

So if somebody comes in as a comedian and just a little bit different and a little bit, you know, they're all come, oh I love the script, they always say the same thing, you go, oh god, thank you. Just anybody does anything. I tell you what else, I've been on the other side a couple times and it's weird when you see actors you know in shit that you're like they're, oh my god, I can't believe this. And they suck. I mean, they do, one guy was in The Wire, one of the top lieutenants, he just lied on the floor

and started doing this weird shit. He did the scene lying down, pulling his hair. And we were like, what the fuck is he doing, man? I worked on a project with Barry Kemp, and when he was on taxi he told a story about when they got Danny DeVito to play Louie DePalma and that guy was written as like a big

Baring mobster but then when he came in they were like this is it You know what I mean? He did something weird for that audition Well I think the Robin Williams one is when he sat on his head and did the audition. There was something that he did. Oh, for, you know, look, you gotta do what's what's, what's, what's you.

I booked the, I booked the law and order. I wore one of those fedora hats and I just wore, I was like, fuck it. I'm going to wear it. And I walked in and wore the hat left eight minutes later. You got the part and bring the hat. Yeah. It was the hat. I wore a pair of fake glasses once and got the part, and then they were like, where's the glasses?

When I showed up, I was like, oh, I didn't. Then it was just like this thing of trying to find those glasses. What's your worst, because we all got them, what's your worst stand-up gig? Oh, stand-up? Absolutely. Probably tonight My worst gig was Buffalo all black comedy club

I had to take the train up the amtrak up and the guy picked me up at the it was a he was actually a pimp He picked me up in a big truck and he had a big medallion And he's a girl motherfucker here, and he handed me a bucket of wings and he goes all the comics get these wings. I was just sitting there with a bucket of wings. I was like thank you very much. They took me, I went to my room knocking the door like an hour later. Some other big black dude came in and goes y'all I'm here to pay you and he started throwing it was twenty five hundred bucks. Threw the cash on the table he goes count it. I go I'm here to pay you. And he started throwing, it was 2,500 bucks, threw the cash on the table, he goes, count it. I go, I trust you, he goes, count it, motherfucker.

So I was like, one, two, three, and then I went and did the gig. That was P. Diddy. It was, it was fucking, it was an underground black hub. It used to be like some weird factory that at night turned into this club. I go up, the kid hosting hated the fact they wouldn't headline him.

And they kept bringing in comics from New York. And the thing was black, black, black, me, black, black, black, black comic, right? So he goes up, fucking steps on the gas. I go up, dude, I did 45 minutes in eight minutes. I did every job in eight minutes. I did every job Fucking nothing dude in the back goes fuck you motherfucker get off the stage I start going fuck you and you gay whatever and the crowd laughs that and then it's Then you're like I gotta just do a hundred gay jokes

I thought I start smacking he comes at me. He was going to kill me. Who the host? No, the guy I made fun of was a killer. So they had to take him out and calm him the fuck down. So I just go, all right guys, that's my time. I get off stage. The MC goes back up and goes, I told you these motherfuckers ain't funny from New York, starts trashing me. And I'm just sitting by the bar like this. And then the guy walks up, this other big motherfucker with a microphone, yo, you gotta go defend yourself. And I'm like, I'm good. He's like, nah, man, you gotta go defend yourself.

He wanted me to go have a fucking comic battle on stage. And thank God this guy's like, yo, man, shorty, you gonna do this to me, motherfucker? You gonna bring him up here? And he backed him out. Then I had to sit in the hallway two hours while just people walked by me. It didn't even acknowledge me.

I ate my dick so bad. Finally, the guy, the big motherfucker, I go, yo, can I get a ride to my hotel? He goes, god damn it. Yo, Junior, he threw the keys to, I think was a 15-year-old. Jesus. He threw, he was driving.

Get that bucket of chicken back. He was driving me back to the hotel looking over the steering wheel. I got my money, I put in my sock, I got a cab to the train station, middle of the night, and I hid between a Coke machine and a fountain because I thought they were just going to come and get me and get their fucking money back.

Jesus. And I had to take the train back, which was the worst. Just fucking seven hours of I had to take the train back, which was the worst, just fucking seven hours of I need to leave this fucking business right now. Worst gig of my life. I've seen Brett always killing, killing. So it's not a bad gig, but he's started fights, had multiple times at stress factory. That wasn't me though.

Well, that was them. Yes, it was them. And we had cleared a fucking chairs, but you were on, but then I'm like, yeah, put it back. We're finishing. I'm not fucking, uh, there was like, I'm not in it at wolf and shit. You know what I mean? That WWF we were wolfing.

And then when I jumped down, there was like eight cops that were in the audience. So they just wrestled the guy and then. But remember his friends didn't leave. Yeah. How long ago was this? Three years ago? We were in Kansas. Pre-COVID was more than that. We were doing Kansas in the bar.

So these guys decided to have their, just got out of jail party in the front row and they're doing Coke and everything. And she's on stage, they wouldn't shut the fuck up. So I tell them, I go, they're doing Coke, just ignore them. They're getting up and going to the bathroom. So I go on stage, this is a big motherfucker,

so I befriended him. But then I, and the one guy wouldn't shut up in the club all night at the time, who's dead, who's in there, just walks up and goes, shut the fuck up. This was right at the end of his show, by the way. And for some reason- He waits till the end. He waited till the end.

And the guy just turned around, I'm telling you, a bar room brawl. I mean, it was crazy. I stood on stage and I was just kicking people that were coming towards me. You had the mic like this. Right. Go ahead.

The cops came, got him out, and then I go, I did 45 minutes recapping the fight after it. I love that his story always winds up him as the hero. He really was a hero this night though. I sold DVDs after it. But he sold all of his merch after that. And I said fight night on it. He goes, come on, let's get back.

And I was like, why would anyone invite the audience put their chairs back? Everybody kind of like, cause the cops had taken the guys out and, and, uh, he, he just started as people are kind of trying to decide if they should sit down or not. He just starts to go in and. But I wanted to preface that when I said I wasn't into the W like, in other words, once they grabbed them, I'm not going to, I'm not going to go, oh, you know, I just kept my mouth shut because, you know, you do, uh, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna go Oh, you know, I just kept my mouth shut cuz you know, you do

Uh, I wasn't gonna antagonize him anymore. I couldn't even see him you do that WWE shit You do I'm saying like if we're gonna swing we're gonna swing if we're not I'm not I'm not talking cuz now that's a punk Move to me, you know what I mean, especially if they got him. I Yeah, then it's like like though it's like, the stress factory though, that I've had a couple situations there. I had a couple, I had a couple of off- That club's phenomenal. I was there two weeks ago.

I fucking loved that club. That's all right. It's good. I did a gig with Sebastian in a boxing ring. I don't like it because you fight with those guys and then Vinny will go over and give them free tickets. That's what he did with me. Yeah, it's like, hey, come back next week.

It's like, what the fuck are you doing? We lived 20 minutes from it. I was there two weeks ago, I was on stage with these people in the front, I'm having a great set and these three in the front, you're not funny. I go, well, leave. I go here.

I pulled out money. I go, what do you cost to get in? I go, here's 100 bucks for you, Ford. To leave. Here's to leave. They get up. I go, put the beers down. I just paid for your beers. Doesn't matter, put them down. And they're getting ready to leave and Vinnie gets leave. They get up, I go put the beers down, I just paid for your beers, doesn't mind.

Put them down, and they're getting ready to leave and Vinny gets on the mic and goes, no stay, don't be okay, stay. And I'm like what? In the back, Mike, you gave him free tickets to come back. Did they keep the C-note? No, I got my fucking money. We did a show in a boxing ring, me and Sebastian and like Modesto with the

mic or buffer mic. And then there was these, this is probably one of the worst. And then there was these, they were on a furlough program, like all the guys that got out, it was like all Raiders jerseys. And it was just awful. And he wrote about it in the book, but it was bad, man. And I went first, so he saw what was coming. Oh, no. You know what I mean? And it was just awful. We were doing the worst is when you totally bomb and then you're like,

this audience is terrible. And then somebody goes on after you and kills. You're like, oh, shit. We were doing a Miami improv. She's fucking with this Puerto Rican or whatever. Call him gay, this and that. Gay, gay, gay. No, come on.

Well, whatever, not bad. It was funny. And I walk on stage and I go, who's the gay guy? And I see he has LK right here, Latin King. Jesus Christ. He has a tattoo. I go, she was just trash and a Latin King. They used to chat a lot at the older one.

It was the older one. The Doral one is great. I don't know. Remember the older one that it was the older one the Doral one is great I don't remember the older one in the house came down the coconut Grove the Grove Yeah, coconut. That place got robbed like two or three times. Yeah, it was a dangerous area the ski mat They came in with a ski mask robbed the box office. Yeah, just a safe at one of those places. I think Yeah, Miami Improv was a fucking dangerous club because the second show Saturday It was always a bunch of fucking criminals that would show up It was fucking terrifying and the in the area after 10 o'clock

Yeah, you didn't want to be around you don't want it. You had a like run back to your hotel. It was a nice hotel great We should do the peppermint Lounge. What's that? That was in Newark, right? Or East Orange? East Orange. 500, fucking black. I mean this, everybody that was a celebrity,

like Norty by Nature, Queen Latifah, Shannon Briggs the Box, I mean this was a big fucking night. Was this your Puff Daddy night? Oh no, that's- Tell the Puff Daddies. You went to a Puff Daddy party? No, I was working Justin's.

He got kicked out for being inappropriate. So. Ha ha ha ha. Was that a joke? Oh, shh. Ah, fuck you, it was a good one. Yeah, so I'm working Justin's. It's the night of the World Series.

He was showing people his knife. I get on, I'm on stage, and all of a sudden I hear someone go to Siren like, errrr, it's from the Apollo, like, errrr, get off the Siren, errrr. Jesus. And I'm up on stage, I go, fuck you, I go, you know, I just celebrated 25 years sober. I got two daughters and I'm putting this and that and I've been on this show, that show, this show.

I go, what have you, I didn't know how to talk, I go, what have you accomplished? The whole place went quiet and it was puffy he owned the restaurant he was booing me I go what have you accomplished maybe the fucking $12 collard greens you just bought in my club right I love I don't think I think he added that for a little hint of racism no I had a collar green we got a goat I listened me out. I like seeing him though. Good to see you again too, man.

Why would you do that? What, like seeing him? I haven't seen you in a long time. I haven't seen him. Well, he's got a brand new special right now. It's Uncaged. It's on YouTube right now. And you were the first guy to put a special on free,

for free on YouTube. Back in 2016, 2017. You were the first, before Schultz, before, for free on YouTube. Back in 2016, 2017. You were the first, before Schultz, before anybody. You know what's funny though, man? Like Ari, because Ari, Burr encouraged it too. Because I told him my thought process at the time. And then Schultz, he was asking me questions about, like I did it wrong, even though I did it first.

What do you mean you did it wrong? I should have cut it up and released know, released it in different parts. Now that I look back, cause then you get paid on each one now as opposed to one. And then now it's, it's all different now. That's what I was talking to Jay about. How many, that got like millions. Like five, yeah, five, yeah, over 5 million. Five million views.

So you would be for anybody putting the shit out there for free. Yeah. Jesus. And then everybody asked how it did. And I said, it did great. But then Facebook wasn't trying to compete with YouTube. So then that then, cause you could share it on Facebook at the time. Then, then they wanted their streaming service and then the algorithms came in and now, now it's like cat and mouse with, with the every day is something

new with the internet, you know, Instagram and then all that shit. But never heard of it, but yeah. I get your point. That's why I say it's the best and worst time to do comedy. Right now? I think it's the best, but it sucks too, because now like people, your subscribers don't see shit. There's too many people putting specials out for free.

That, you know, back in the day, at least you had to kind of earn that special. You know, the, you get a half, 15 minute, you get a half hour, and then somebody be like, we want to do your special. And it had, it was special. Now anybody can throw a camera up at a club, put it up on YouTube, or splice it up.

And that's what, that's what Brett did. Well, I got, yeah, but he, he did it before anybody. Well I got backed into it kinda. Cause at the time I was in post production, I put 20 grand into this thing. And then Netflix stopped licensing. They wanted to own. So then, cause the main reason why I did it too is everything I had done like for Comedy Central Viacom owned.

So when you were trying to cut your, back then they would flag you. You couldn't do it. So I was like, all right, well what do I do with it now? And then I got an offer from a smaller streaming service, but I wouldn't even have made my money back, and then they wanted to own it, and it's like, no, because I need the clips. I found a way around all the special stuff. If you have a Comedy Central album or special,

just re-tape it. If you re-tape it, redo it at a club, that's yours. Well, I don't own that. The Taylor Swift model. I did a CD, that's how long ago I re-did my half hour. And I was on the one yard line for so many years at Comedy Central for the hour, and they just weren't giving it to me.

Anyways, long story boring, I said, okay, because coming from the nightclub business, you know, if I don't get you at the door, I'm going to get you at the bar, right? Remove the cover. You're still not, I love your sayings. You know what I'm saying? If you're going out with 200 and I let you in for free, you're still going to spend at the bar. So I'm like, well, let me get them in. And then you remember Rungan Canyon? Everybody used to walk up that thing. This was the other idea I had because I walked by and they had a honor system thing where like water and granola bars. And of course you're like, somebody's got to rob this thing. Well, I caught the guy refilling it and I asked him, do you get robbed? He said, I wouldn't

know because they'll take a bottle of water, which is like 50 cents and a granola bar. Everybody was leaving fives. So he said, you know, it doesn't matter because I'm making money. So the way I did it was I built out a website and then I ebbed in the YouTube player because I wanted the clicks. And then I made it $5. If you want to own it, I didn't say donation. If you want to own it, it's $5. If you buy a t-shirt, it's 20. You get the special or just give me your email, you know, or don't do anything. Right. That's big. Cause I wrote it out on the thing after like a lot of views. My average was 20 bucks. Wow. So I'm like, holy shit. And then in the process I was monetizing it. Right. So then

when I threw it on the YouTube, I was getting paid on the video and, and now it's it, and it died down after like a year and a half and then the clicks started coming and then I just started promoting it on YouTube and you know don't you think YouTube now there's so much shit that it's harder to get that pop see with what you got what we're doing as comics right we validate each other in a sense yeah you know so because we are I mean as fucked up as we are, we are supportive of the comics that are, you know, that have earned the support. And the cream is rising. I mean, you know, you're seeing a lot of people trying to cheat the system, but that's always been there.

Remember the reality show people were doing comedy and then there were people that were just trying to get deals. And you know, it's, it's always been that element. Yeah. But now this crowd works shit that everybody's trying to do to get clicks. They don't do it good. That's my that's my point I mean now they're just trying to yeah There's always been people that have been trying to circumvent the hard work that we've all put in I mean I don't think that though the kind of training the next upcoming Crowds that shitty comedy is that's what comedy is as opposed to us

We grew up having we didn't have you to we didn't have we had to listen to comedy And we knew there was only a few comics so we knew Good comedy coming up and now these kids are all coming up on these Instagram little fucking open micers that are having a funny one clip and that's their guy You don't think that that's happening? It's the club owners that are whores that are dealing with a quick fix. I don't blame them though. No, by the way, it's going to hurt them in the long run because it's a quick fix.

Yeah, you only go buy tickets once. It's a quick fix. Like I said, they were always there. There was always like... Yeah, but clubs weren't using them on weekends and I've seen clubs that I'm like, what the fuck? I did an improv and they told me that there was a YouTube guy there that sold out in like an hour and it was people were leaving pissed.

Right. You know, what are they going to see? Nobody's going to come back a second time. No, that's the problem though. That's actually what Rich is saying. I think is that like, you know, you curate your audience and once the audience doesn't think it's fun, they're not going to come back. Well, we're, we validate it though.

Right? So like you would know more in like the earlier era, the club was to draw. So like if we're going to the improv, we know we're going to see the best, but if you're like really famous, like, like if they, if I came in and they didn't know me and they watch a show, they said, Oh, we went to the improv. We saw good, we saw good comic, but let's say I'm, you know, somebody really famous. They're not going to put it on the club. They're going to put it on the person that they knew.

But they're also that person was awful. I'll never buy it again, but they're also going for fame now too. I mean, they're also going for fame, they're not going to laugh. I mean these arena shows that people are doing, that's not a good show. Most of the people are getting a very bad show, they can't even see their face. They're just going to be part of this fame thing. That's why they're going. We think they're looking for like their 15 minutes type thing.

Well I'm saying that the person that's doing it is doing it for the money. They're not doing it to put on a great show because you can't put on a fucking great show, very hard to put on a great show in an arena. I think some people like Nate can because his material is so good. He's not animated. If you saw Nate in a small theater it would be a way better show. If you saw Nate in a club it would be a better show. Yes, of course. But you got to cash him when you can. I mean when I did I mean

Bert's tour they loved him when he came out. When he I mean these something it was 15,000 people in Baltimore and he's just fucking killing. Dude he he he I did the T-Mobile with him. Bro he followed strong and and he puts like eight killers on there. Yeah he does. Then he'll come out and then he closes with the Russian the Russian thing They go nuts and you know, he buys another home. That's more of a fucking bird But birds put his time in they're gonna see they're gonna see the thing Yeah, I mean the ones I did it was all headliners like you say. Yeah, it shows the headliners So, you know, it's not like they're seeing a bad...

The baseball stadiums were easier, but that arena, you know, when we did ONA Tour, there were 12,000 fucking people at some of those gigs, and the fucking back, and... It was hell. But they're drinking all day, they're fucking, you know, they're having a... It's a thing. It's not a comedy show. Beaches was like that. What was?

Beaches Madhouse was fun. You got me in there, by the way. Yeah. I doner's was like that. What was? Beecher's Madhouse was fun. You got me in there by the way. Yeah. I don't know if you remember. I did? I flew out and um, uh, that it was, uh, Callan was hosting, you were there. There was like a bunch of us in town and then Beecher was standing there and you're like, yo, you got to book him and started doing that.

And he's like, yeah. In Vegas? Yeah, in Vegas. And then he's like, all right, if Bobby says you're good, I'll book you. And that was the worst best hell gig. It's the worst, I mean. And the best. It was one show, 15 minutes on Saturday night.

Yeah, I know. And you had to follow a gay Russian seven foot sword swallow. That guy was. Got a standing ovation. Who, North? Every night. Seven foot, I said seven foot. And he would just get a standing ovation every night. Seven foot, I said seven foot.

And he would just get a standing ovation, I mean, murder. And you look out in the crowd, and like Britney Spears is there, and Paris Hilton, it's like fucking. And there's like 1,200 people in the place. 1,200 people, and you would have to, I mean, you would have to fucking earn it. I remember one night Steve Burns had this.

Did you get paid a lot, though? It was good money. It was good money. For one, and then the other thing is, and you could stay, and they would give you per diem, too. So you get paid a lot though? It was good money. It was good money. And then the other thing is, and you could stay, and they would give you per diem too, so you could make a week out of it. I would go Wednesday and leave Monday. Yeah, I did the same fucking thing.

I mean, because the parties were fucking nuts. I was hanging out with the Osborne kids at like the bowling alley upstairs, but I remember Steve Burn was the greatest ever, because only certain people could really kill at this gig. Burn, Bomb there, I saw Norton Bomb. But Burn would kill, but he would do this thing. We would come out and be like,

how you guys doing over there? And he would get- Who, Billy? Steve Burn. And he'd be like, the place would go nuts. And he'd be like, how you doing over there? This place is a little better over here. That way, and the place would go fuck.

And he would just, this trick that he would do. But one time he got so carried away in it, he ran out into the middle and went all the way to the back and the place was going nuts. But he forgot that he had no mic and he had to walk from the back. Oh my God, back. So there was just this silent walk back to the stage

and he had to kind of roll back up on the stage and he was like, all right. And it was just, he killed all the momentum. All the fucking momentum was dead. I was cracking up, dude. You know, we did, we were, we were, we were going, hitting rooms one night and I used to record my sets and I was at the store.

I had to record this set. I go home to listen to it. You remember this? You did? What'd I do? I'm listening to it all here. You're, you're fucking awful. Like he was going, dude, I was was dying. That bit's hacky. Just shitting on me and I was crying.

We have questions from the crowd. So we're going to get to these questions real quick. Give you plugs right now. You're special. Just go to Brett com. If you go to brettcomedy.com, B R E T comedy.com, all the links are there. This is the first one, the guys from the stand, uh, brought the streaming service, uh, wits comedy TV. And, um, so this is the first special for that service. And, uh, I did it with, uh, Pete Davidson, you know, produced it with them and, um, you know, so, but just go to my, you can watch it on the. Go check out his special right now. Go to the website. Brett's fucking hilarious.

Go check it out and make sure you go to his website. Follow him on all his social media. Brett with one T comedy dot com. Of course Rich Voss and Bonnie have I think probably the funniest podcast out here. My wife hates me. Our last year, January. They called it. Shutting it down. Bonnie got her wish. I think we are., January, they called it down.

Bonnie got her wish. I think we are. Look at, he's already trying. Bonnie, you really want to end this. You can't end it. You're getting, you're getting free knives. Remember that guy, that maniac that used to sell swords on infomercials? No. He would scream, he'd sell like baseball cards and swords. Weird. Do you remember that guy? No. He'd be like, I got a samurai, because it was steel. And he would just yell at like 1 in the morning. I do remember that guy. He was a maniac.

And then he would start selling Don Mattingly cards. Like right now. I don't know if that's fucking a little. That was QVC type shit. Yeah. Go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. All my stuff's up there. My special's up there for free.

That's right. Dude, are you fucking fuck around stupid dude you're such an idiot you're like a child point pleasant this Saturday night two shows and then I'm at Boston comics come home on the second November 2nd and then I'm doing a five o'clock show at the Miami improv of me and our Shafir before we head to Cuba for the election we'll be out of the country for the election you're gonna miss all the riots yeah I know why are you going to Cuba for the election. We'll be out of the country for the election. You're gonna miss all the riots. Yeah, I know. Wait, why are you going to Cuba?

We're just getting out of town for the election. You and Ari. And you pick Cuba? Yeah, we're going to Cuba, smoke cigars and fucking check out the people. Hope you get raped. I hope I do too. Just go to Tampa.

You get new cigars and Cubans. We might, they have no electricity in Cuba. The whole fucking country has no electricity. November 29th and 30th, I'll be at Kimmel's Comedy Club in Cuba. I'll be a fucking country has no electricity November 29th and 30th I'll be at Kimmel's Comedy Club in Vegas. Okay, Bonnie. She hit me up Bonnie. You got any plugs? Oh I'm coming in. No, I can't think of anything nothing. I check it. I'll go there. Thanks for listening Make sure you subscribe on YouTube if you're watching this for free if you want to support the show Subscribe on YouTube if you're watching this for free if you want to support the show

patreon.com slash Robert Kelly and you can ask questions to the guests and that's where we're going right now with your questions from patreon So we'll see you guys Danny. What do you got? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and I'm gonna headline sad man's comedy cafe in Boca Raton, Florida on November 24th Great name for you. Man gets sadder. That's a great place, by the way. Joe, cool little room. Do you guys like exotic cheese and laughs and comedians? Well, guess what? Just go to YouTube and type in The Cheese Show, and it's a really fun show with me and my wife.

It is a fun show. I like it. You should check it out. Alright, here we go. We'll see you guys next time on You Know What, Dude.