Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #559 | Marcus Monroe | Kiss Me

Episode Date: November 3, 2024

This week on YKWD Marcus Monroe teaches Bobby how to juggle and they talk about what it means to be a man, age gaps in relationships, boy bands, and they seal it with a kiss. FOLLOW Marcus Monroe IG: @MarcusJMonroe Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD.

This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, how are you ruining this? Where podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, help me! You're ruining this! Where's the barbana, man? I'm sorry. It's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR.

That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. What's up, everybody? It's Robert Kelly on the You Know What Dude podcast. You know what dude, we're back at the Comedy Cellar Studios above the world famous Comedy Cellar and I have little pieces in my mouth so I look weird and I feel weird talking.

Anyways, we have a great guest tonight, I'm excited to be back. Danny, who the fuck do we got tonight? I mean, I've never met him. We have Marcus Monroe on the podcast today. I've heard about you. Thank you. I've heard about you too. I've heard you goddamn right. You have 30 years vet motherfucker. Do you like to be called Bobby? Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. I told you to tell the guests never to do that. Yeah, I'm sorry. I messed up. I should have told you never told me. He said ask him first thing. What do you feel like calling me?

Bobby. Not that. Robert. No. Late to dinner. What? Late to dinner. Ugh. I don't know, dude. Call me whatever you want, dude. Love it.

First of all, I mean, you're pretty rock and roll. I appreciate that. How old are you? I'm going to be 40 in May. I mean, you're dressing like you're fucking 22. Is it bad? No, I love it, dude. I do a fucking podcast with a guy with pink fingernails and a fucking red streak through his hair.

That's true. I mean, I love Jay. I love the way he doesn't give a fuck. It is, my wife wants me, I think, to dress a little older. Why is that? Because she's a little older. How old are you again? I'm 39.

And how, your wife's older than you? Yeah. Wait a minute, hang on a second. How old's your wife? 54. I'm gonna throw up. Listen. Look.

Listen, wait a second. Wait, wait, wait, I might be mistaken. Nope, she, 53 or 54. Well, she's lying if she's in her 50s. You think so? Yeah, 50 year old women lie about their age. But I was with her when she, oh's lying if she's in her 50s. You think so? Yeah, 50 year old women lie about their age. But I was with her when she, oh you know what's funny? I was with her when she was 39.

It's kind of fun. So she, I mean, do the math. I mean, you were 24. 24. 24. She was 39. She was 39. I mean, that's close.

That's crazy. That's not. Yeah, I do. I'll give you that. I do like that. So you met her when you were 24. You never wanted to sleep with your teacher growing up? Buddy, I've always wanted to sleep with your teacher.

So? I've wanted to fuck your teacher for years. I know. That's why you're here. Thank you. Do you still know her? I don't. My wife made me delete her information.

Is your wife a teacher? No. What does she do? Train dogs? No. She makes jewelry? Aesthetician? No, it sounds like she, no, she doesn't do any of that. She's retired. She's not, no, no.

She's on social security. No, well, right, we were working together. AARP. What does she do? She's in health care. She's in health care? Yeah. Really?

Yeah. So she, like, a nurse? No, in sales. So she kills people Yeah. So she, like a nurse? No, in sales. So she kills people? No, she helps- Kill people. Get equipment to certain facilities.

Oh, that's big money right there. Not bad. It's all making sense now. I'm a creator. I need to find somebody with a steady income. Oh man. That's great. So you've been with her for how long?

15 years. You've been with this woman for 15 years. Yeah. We've been married for 11. She's great. So you've been with her for how long? 15 years. You've been with this woman for 15 years? Yeah. We've been married for 11. She's gotta be smoking. She's cool. Wow, that's a weird way of saying it. She's hot.

She's very hot. Of course she's hot. I mean, that's a better way of saying it. Yeah, Danny's seen her, right? Smoke show. I mean, smoke show. Hey, your boy's still got it. That's right.

That's great, man. I appreciate it. She wants you to dress so that she can hang out with her friends without bringing fucking the Uber driver in the house. I, man, I don't think I can, I feel this is. What? T-shirt and jeans, I'm a T-shirt and jeans guy. Yep.

Yeah. You're 49. No, I'm 39. Oh, sorry, sorry. All right, that's worse. Yeah. Hey, look, dude, fuck it. 30 is the new. Nothing. Okay. 30 is Hey look dude, fuck it 30s the new nothing. Okay 30s 30

Yeah, dude, 40s the new something your yeah 40 is when you have to start to get a Henley No, get your shit together. I don't even know what it is. It's a button t-shirt with three buttons You know what I do that guys your age wear them. I don't want to do that. No, you don't you like being like this Well, what do you mean like this? I don't, dressing like you're in Joan Jett's band. Hell yeah dude, I do. Yeah you like it, it's fine. Yeah I like it. Do you play an instrument?

No. You don't? No. Now when you met her, did you meet her at a show? Yeah. Marcus, could you get a little closer to the microphone? Yeah, I met her at a show.

Scooch in a little bit. Sorry about that. No, your chair. Oh yeah. Yeah, scooch that in. You don't even know the word scooch, you're so young. I know that. She treat you like she doesn't say scoochy scoochy scoochy. Who likes a who likes a breast? Who likes a vagina? Who is goosgoojie? Guilty. Um, but her parents, was she married before? No. Yeah. She was. Yeah. She was married when you were how old?

Oh boy. I, oh. Have you done the math like on things like that when you were how old? Oh boy. Oh Have you done the math like on things like that when you were five she was what I've done that legally able to drink Because when I was like born he was already like driving a car Wow, that's great I mean she wasn't driving a car. She had a job and a pension. Oh, she had a job for sure She had a job. Yeah Yeah No, she yeah. Well, the we get along great. Everything is good. It's like, honestly, it's a very healthy relationship.

Yeah. But we have I have a stepdaughter, though. What? How old is your stepdaughter? Please don't say four years apart. I'm a throw up again. I'm going to. But it's it's like a we're like best like we text. Yeah. Your best friends, because you're the same age.

Yeah. You like the same shit, TikTok and new movies. We love, we love those. The trailers. Yeah, no, she's awesome though. She's cool. Do you hang out with her? All the time.

Whoa. Listen. She's married though. Okay. Yeah. She married to appropriate, age appropriate? Well. How old is he?

72? Look, what is age appropriate at this 2024? Right. I mean, I mean, look, it's not like I can tell you there's an actual, I once met someone at the cellar downstairs in the show at the lounge. They said they had a 36 year age gap. I was like, Whoa, that's crazy. Yeah. That's like farmers. Yeah. That's like when your wife died and you had to marry your fucking cousin's daughter. Yeah. Just to have another kid to work the plow. Like maybe, I don't know, people always say like what's like the limit, you know? Like one. I want to ask you a question. Please ask me. Is the daughter

hot? Yeah. I don't think you're supposed to say that, but yes. No, she is. She's hot. Okay. Yeah. So. But I say that like in my. You said love it. So you're her dad. I'm attracted to her. Okay. Yeah. But I say that like in my, she knows. You said love it. So you're her dad. I'm attracted to her. Okay, relax. Let's not get that. Let's not. So you've been her dad for 15 years,

kind of like a father figure. I did help her through college. You did. True, I did. Wow, that's great. I think I'm a nice guy. But I mean, it was like a public, it wasn't that expensive. I mean, now you're downgrading it. I'm just saying it was hard

I don't want you know, I don't want the flowers right, but I love that's my favorite term giving yourself flowers. Isn't that fun? It's the great that's actually the very first time I've ever said it. Yeah, I got to use cornucopia today. Oh good for you That's now in the repertoire. I actually was like it's a cornucopia of blah blah. Yeah, it was great and how seasonal I actually was like it's a cornucopia of blah blah. Yeah, it was great and how seasonal Mm-hmm you if you did that in December, I'd be like this piece of shit doesn't work. It doesn't work Monocopia October. I have two grandkids. I'm gonna throw up That's awesome sucks. You're gonna be alive their whole life. Well, I think it's kind of good Cuz like I don't know it's going to suck because you're gonna have you're gonna be around you're gonna be like 58 well, and they're gonna be adults, but that's that's

Grandparents they just pop in and out. Mm-hmm. They're everyone loves them. We don't have to play cop Yeah, you know, yeah, but your wife's gonna be gone and you're still gonna be kicking it around Well, we'll get to that we'll get to that when we get to that, you know? It's coming. No! She's got, she's healthy. Buddy, listen, do the math. She's got 30 summers left.

Hey, that's a lot of- What's the average, what's the average death of a woman, female? 72? The fuck are you doing? 73, 54, I mean we're talking 15. I gotta leave here and go home and spend time with her. You should. 80.2.

Oh there you go, women are actually, oh the men are 78, women are 80. Oh so we might die around the same time. Yeah, you might have timed it right. Wouldn't that be great? I'll be like the notebook, we just died in the same bed together in the same hour. Spoiler alert.

I think that's how it ended, right? I have no idea, I've never saw that notebook. You've never seen the notebook? I've just saw the part where he hung from the Ferris wheel and I thought he was gonna fall But you haven't actually watched not I not the whole thing should I yeah, but watch it alone Why because you might cry I do cry. Yeah, I mean to I cry I cry all I cry rocky every time Rudy Rudy. Oh god. Yeah, it's healthy. He cries during the fight scenes Oh God. Yeah, it's healthy. He cries during the fight scenes. They're not long enough you get a man. No, I cry at the end

Right at fucking Rambo. Oh, yeah You know all that shit Moana. So alright, so she's 15 years older than you what how old is she? Yeah, you're right. Okay. She's she's 15. So she doesn't like, how do you seem like a young, you have a lot of energy. Is she the same way? Do you want to go out and hang out and go to clubs? She's the same way. And like she's young and she we have fun together, but she's an introvert for sure. Homebody. Like, you know, but um, I like, I like you know going out and do finger guns. I'm a cool finger guns Oh, that must be attractive to a adult woman. Hey

Yeah, no she likes no, I mean yeah we get along great it's yeah, we have nothing in common but no especially breakfast Yeah. Yeah, she's having avocado. She's just she's a vegan. She's a vegan. That is I appreciate the animal rights aspect of it. I do. I really do. Well, what? What? What about it? Well, animals are being killed for food.

Yeah. I mean, that's have you ever had a hamburger? Yeah, of course. They're delicious. It's amazing. It is amazing. Yes, I get it. You've been to a Cuban restaurant. No, of course. They're delicious. It's amazing. It is amazing. Yes. I get it You've been to a Cuban restaurant. No, I did one time. Yeah, come on, dude They had like just chips and guac though. It felt very Mexican. Yeah, dude. It was in rice Yeah, it's black beans and white rice dude. Come on. That's all right. It's 24 I mean look the whole vegan thing is bullshit though. You know that people are vegan. I know they're I'm not saying

thing is bullshit though you know that. No people are vegan. I know they're, I'm not saying. I'm not saying, it would be funny if they were lying. She has meat snacks in her pillow. Beef jerky at night. She has kitten ears. I understand like animals, cute animals, I understand like dogs and cats and you know shit like that, but.

What are you gonna do if the fucking electricity goes out and the world comes to an end? You're gonna have to eat a fucking piece of meat. You have to kill something. What are you gonna go find berries? Yeah, I think that's, like I wouldn't. She probably would though. And she'd love it. So dinner is what?

What does she make for dinner? Pasta, I mean we can have, we have, like today what did we have? I made a stir fry. With what? like I'm well I have like the impossible chicken cut it up air fryer you mean the chicken they made in the lab yeah you mean the fucking the the genericly did people always use this argument but like a lot of food you have is not just like natural ingredient can I say something of course I didn't even know I was ingredients. Can I say something? Of course.

I didn't even know I was making an argument. I didn't know that. No, I'm not saying you, I'm saying a lot of people have that argument like, well, it's not good for you. I'm like, I know, I'm not eating it to be healthy. You're eating it because you don't wanna piss her off and you want some meat. I'm eating it because, yeah, I want some protein.

You want the protein and you're not gonna eat the chicken in front, so you can't even eat at your house. You can't get a steak. Well, I'm a vegetarian, so I wouldn't. I... Should I, I can leave. No, don't leave. It's okay. I don't, I don't give a f***.

No, but I do like, I do miss eating meat. Right. Like, but I do, but like. Did you become a vegetarian because of her? Just saying. Yeah, of course I did. But I will say it was my decision. And if I were to like start eating meat again

I don't think she would be too upset with it when you were eating meat was she mad No, because she was eating meat too. Like we ate meat together. Oh, what so you she became a vegan or what? What is she again? What is she's a vegan vegan? You're a vegetarian. Yes. So vegan is harder to be It's much harder to be but I think it's getting easier now because a lot of non-dairy ice creams. Every kid just go out to eat. No, no. Because it's always do you have? Well, we look up every restaurant we go to ahead of time and usually it's just like a

vegan restaurant. So she has no problems. Yeah, that's fucking annoying. It's hard on the road. If she comes with me on the road. Oh God, you can't go anywhere. But it does pay off that she's an older woman. So it's worth it.

You think so? Dude, I would rather date an older woman than a younger girl any day. I feel like you were giving me shit earlier. I was. Okay. But I'm not now. Okay, it's just a little confusing.

That's the way I roll. I got it. Yeah, I mean, it is disgusting and immoral and Jesus will strike you down someday for doing what you're doing. No, dude, I don't give a fuck. Dude, I've always dated, I love dating older women. And I never dated girls younger than me

because I don't have anything in common. See, I did. I dated all the, not all, not like very young, but like, you know, three years younger is probably the youngest I've gone. Right? Yeah.

And does your mom, does your mom know her? Yeah, they know they grew up together. No. Yeah, I mean, they know each other. Yeah. Is your mom must be close, right? How old is your mom? Uh, she's, um, gosh, she's got like 70 or something.

She's 70. Yeah. So they must get along swimmingly. Yeah. I mean, they're, they actually have about the same age difference that me and my wife have. So let me ask you a question because here's the thing. I find this interesting.

Uh, you're wearing pearls. Listen, the thing is, I'm going to turn the lights out and steal them. Um, so you can go my pearls. Um, because you're dating this older woman. Well, I'm married to her now. You're pearls. No, no. Because you're dating this older woman. Well, I'm married to her now. You're married? Well, yeah. Wow.

Does she make more money than you? No. No. Oh, okay. Good. Yeah. Did she make more money than you for a while? Yeah, oh yeah.

So she kind of helped you out, supported you. We support each other, you know? That's a way of saying it. Yeah. I mean, that's a way of saying it. Yeah. I mean, that's a way of saying it. Well, she like, when I first met her, she had a really nice job. She owned a house.

She drove a Lexus, but she was living in Wisconsin. So then she, we got engaged and then she moved to New York and we lived in like a one bedroom apartment in Harlem for a while. Right. And then we moved. You moved here for you She moved here for me. Yeah, so she that's pretty solid. Yeah, she's cool, right?

So she gave up her golden handcuffs. She did so you could have a career Well, I was already working so I was do I was like already supporting myself So I was doing okay, right when I met her, you know, I helped put her daughter through college I did all you know, so I was like I was financially stable right when I met her, you know, I helped put her daughter through college at it all, you know So I was like I was financially stable right when I met her I was 24. Yeah, I mean, yeah You live I know Loans or anything living in Harlem is always financially stable. Well Harlem is yeah, that's good point to say I mean Yeah, I mean if you said we live upper west side financially stable

I should have just said upper but I don't want to live in a studio in Harlem. Listen, we're financially stable I mean here so when when I met her I would that's where I was living but then we moved to um, We still lived in Harlem, but we had a nice nice place nice place. It was nice. Okay. Yeah Oh, there's some nice pads up there. Yeah, it's not bad. Yeah now you guys lived up there Was it a little crazy or what? No now we lived in a quiet like street a lot of brownstone So it was like pretty it was just a long walk to the train. It was like the fucking problem Was it a little crazy or what? No? No, we lived in a quiet street, a lot of brownstone, so it was pretty, it was just a long walk to the train. It was like the only problem.

Oh, I fucking hate that. Yeah, it's like a half a mile. I'm gonna throw up again. Listen, your life is fucking bad. No, I'm kidding. My friend Al lived in Queens, but he lived like a 20 minute walk from the train or some shit.

That's, just don't. It sucked. It's like just get a shittier place nearer the city or near a subway so you can. All that lost time. I remember I had, he was like, dude come over and I went over and I was walking and walking and,

and then I was like, dude, I'm just taking a fucking cab back to the city. I'm not doing this again. You can't be friends with those people. No. No. You can't. It just, it's like fucking stupid. Dude, we're saving $200. You're not. No you're not. You're sucking the life

out of your soul. All that time. All that time. Not worth it. Nope. So you're friends with the daughter, you have grandchildren, yeah the daughter has kids, yes, and you are a grandfather. Yeah. That's crazy, dude. Yeah Is it does it bother the grandkids that you play with their toys on Christmas? Okay, the thing about the toys. Yeah, is that they're so fun now like remember kid toys growing up I mean, yes now they're like magnetic and they're like the blacks are the best ones You can just really get in there and you can spend a good amount of time building. They must love you Oh, I have so much fun cuz you're a child sure and you dress like a child Yeah, so they must think you're the coolest grandfather in the world. Yeah, is there any way that I'm like smoking weed passing around my vape

Pan like yo, let's go vape. What you know weed vape. What nice. So Are you all right back there? You fucking autistic coughing asshole? He has bad sinuses. Sorry to hear that. He always has a chest cold. So your wife doesn't like this, she wants you to be a little more what? No, I think maybe deep down she wishes it was a little bit, you know, chinos and a polo or something, but just not who I am. Sometimes I'll do like that, but only if I want to.

So you have it? Oh yeah. You have it, so when you go out to eat, you'll dress up a little bit. Eh, not really. Do you do like manly stuff in the house? Yeah, I do a ton of manly shit every day. Like what?

Man, I just like, I'll listen to Andrew Tate for three hours maybe. Okay. And I'll do a cold plunge. Nice. And then I'll just like throw darts at people's faces nice the internet that's a fucking that's a manly shit what else do I do I'll fucking just like cut wood in half with an axe right yeah use an axe yeah I'll use an axe try using your hand oh that's

that's good yeah karate chop it I might hurt the pearls yeah you know what that's kind of manly though. That's true Like right. Yeah chopping what you hand with pearls. Yeah, that's like extra manly. Yeah. No, I don't think there's any I don't know Well, I mean, what would you do that? What's manly every day? I don't know I Don't know. I you know, I go around the house. I walk my kid to school. I would take the dog for a walk I have breakfast with my wife. I leaf blow the backyard. I just sounds like what you do. It doesn't sound like it's like specifically manly. I'm getting there. Oh, okay. Let me work up to it. My bad. I leaf blow. That's pretty manly.

Mmm. Leaf blowing? One leaf out, you're just like... No, I use a leaf blower. Oh, I got you. Again, there we go. I went to home people. You have a yard, dude? I have a yard. Where do you live? I live in West Chess, the best Chess. You... I'm gonna get a ride home from you. Where do you live? Upper East Side. You moved down? Mm-hmm. Nice. Yeah, that's pretty good. So you got like an apartment.

Yeah, we got a little yard, it's nice. Do you, now you had the, she had the kid, she had one kid or two? Just one. She has one kid. She's a little bit, yeah. And she lives with you guys, or she lives with us? No, no, no, they used to live with us, but now they live, they live in Wisconsin.

So you're from Wisconsin? Yeah. I love Wisconsin. It's a good town, a good state. It's a great state. Milwaukee's I love Wisconsin. It's a good town, a good state. It's a great state. Milwaukee's a good town. It's a great state. And probably comedy on state was your joint? Actually, I've only done that club once

because that's in Madison and I grew up in Wisconsin. I wasn't doing standup when I lived there. Oh no, really? When did you start? Because you juggle. What? Well, yeah. I mean, I started out when I was like a kid juggling professionally. Can I say something? Can I admit something to you on this podcast?

I think I know what it's going to be. What? You can tell by looking at me that I can juggle. No. Oh, OK. No. What are you going to say? You can juggle too?

No. You hate it? I want to say it, but you won't let me. I've always wanted to juggle. I've always thought to juggle. I've always thought that people that juggle are somehow smarter. Oh.

Let me just, because people that can do that crazy shit, there's something, I've always admired it because I could never do it. And I've tried. Have you? Buddy, I've been trying to juggle for a long time and I can't, I don't have it in me. Well, I can teach you.

I could get you to juggle in like 20 minutes. No way. Probably. No. Do you have? Is there a trick? No. There's no trick, but you have to know what to do.

You can't just like... You have to catch the thing coming down in the other hand that you threw up with this hand. Yeah, but you have to then throw the other ball the same, like at a certain time. I think people either can juggle or they can't juggle. No, you could... I think anyone can learn how to... I don't think... I'd say guitar. Guitar? You don't think anyone can play guitar? I mean, bum bum bum bum bump, but no I tried to learn

That's not a more like a trumpet though. Yeah, I have trumpet either. I don't think you learn That's the same thing I think uh yeah, I think I think anyone can learn how to do it now What do you juggle? Why is this in your act? No, you don't juggle on stage. I used to I mean I right now I'm just doing comedy, but sometimes um like if people in the audience are like juggle this and they'll hand me stuff. I'll do it people just yell out juggling Yeah, cuz I made it like this is good like a little bit of a name for myself in the juggling community So I have friends. I mean, you know, like I you know, I performed a lot all over the country doing a juggling show So people come to my stand-up show and they're like, oh is he gonna juggle? Is he not gonna juggle? You know what I mean? Cause they know you as the juggler. Right. Uh, so yeah, sometimes I'll juggle if they

ask me to like, I'm not gonna be like, no, I don't care. Do you bring juggling stuff? Uh, no. So you just juggle what they, what they give me. Yeah. They have anything there. No, this is going to be so bad. This isn't going to work. It's going to work. It's like, this is like, uh, I mean isn't gonna work. It's gonna work. It's like this is like a I mean I can juggle this don't get me wrong. You can juggle that. Yeah Now do you have to make that face when you do it yeah, yeah that You have like I'm taking a shit, but I'm enjoying it. Oh, I love taking a good shit though, for real. I mean, that's pretty wild.

Is that the right way? Now is that from, how do you, like, I know magic is an autistic and a molestation thing. Yeah. What? Where does, where does juggling, is that molestation in what? I just, no, I don't think it was any, I just.

Were you molested? I saw a, no, I just know I don't think it was then I just were you molested I saw a no I saw I wasn't I saw a girl in my grade school juggle And I was like two years below and I was like, oh, I didn't know kids could do that I thought it was only adults. I've only ever at the time only ever seen adults do it Fuck it. I was like I want to learn so I cuz I was already like doing like magic tricks Just right, you know, and so I got the book, Klutz book and I just learned from that.

Oh, there's a juggling book. There was, yeah, this was like probably like 94 or something. So what's the technique? How could you teach me to juggle? Well, you got to stand up. You got to have your feet shoulder width apart, your hands at a 90 degree angle, two balls in your right hand, one ball in the other.

And then you, do you have you have we have balls here? Okay, we're just gonna do though. Okay, so we'll okay first you have to start with one. So start with the bell Yeah, put on this in the D. All right. Yeah, so throw that okay now I would throw it No, okay, so each right away each throw you make you want to be the exact same Throw from one hand to the other and you're kind of looking straight in front of you. Yeah, that's it. And then. Yeah, maybe not everyone can juggle. OK, I told you, you fucking set me up for that.

You son of a bitch. You gave me fucking hopes. I told you, I opened up to you and I said, I've always wanted to fucking do it. And you said you could teach me in fucking 20 minutes I think you gave up on me. I think I could. Thank God Mickey didn't give up on Rocky like that I think I could teach you actually but what you want to do is you want you got loosen up You got a you got a throw. I got a want it. I want it. You got a want it You got to like follow through. Yeah, like you when you catch it You got to bring your arm down a little bit. You don't want to be stiff like this. I was stiff. Was I stiff? A little stiff. A little stiff.

Oh you're. Alright. So then I think starting with three might be a bad idea. Okay so it's gonna go throw throw catch catch so don't hand off. You're gonna throw each one at the same. Do you want me to show you what two is like? Throw. No don't hand off. Throw throw. So it goes like this. It goes throw throw catch catch throw throw catch catch Yeah There you go, oh my god, yeah, you're doing it. Yeah Okay, but that was actually pretty good for very first time Not my first time I've been trying for 13 years

But I but it seems like the first time maybe you did it correctly when you throw it and I would say just make sure each Throws the same height and a little higher to give yourself row throw Catch catch. Yeah, and then I mean just keep doing that for a while and then after 10 minutes of that I had another ball So then you have three and then or two then one and start with the hand that has two in it man Listen boys. I remember back in the day when you left the house, it was always keys, phone, wallet, rubber, and you check your hair.

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and important safety information. I tell ya, I had a comic back when I was coming up in Boston, his name was Rob Steen, and I always liked juggling, and then I kinda became mad at it. Yeah. Because this guy would book these shit gigs in the middle of nowhere.

And he would go up in front of you as a middler and do like 40 minutes, 45 minutes. And he would always end juggling flame sticks. And all the time he would just light the stage on fire. It was just annoying. He featured for you? He booked the gig. So he would put himself in that spot and juggle. Nice guy. Good guy. Sure. But the juggling, I had to follow juggling. Yeah. And it fucking made me angry. It's hard to, that's hard to do sometimes. And then when I went to, when I was in Vegas working at this fucking club that was just crazy, 2500 people at the joint, I used to have to follow

a gay seven foot Russian sword swallowing juggler. And he would get a stand, juggling, you get standing O's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? You can, yeah, sure. I mean, the only way you don't is by dropping it. Sometimes, yeah. Right? Sure, I mean you could, yeah. Right? You can yeah, sure. I mean you the only way you don't is by dropping it Sometimes yeah, right? Sure. I mean you could yeah, I mean anything's possible you could drop and doesn't

You know, are you did you have a stroke? No, but it's like drop People always like oh you're dropped but like it's gonna happen if you're juggling good hard things You're gonna drop something. What's the hardest thing you've ever juggled? The hardest? Yes If you're juggling good hard things, you're gonna drop something. What's the hardest thing you've ever juggled the hardest? Yes Not the hardest you've ever juggled the hardest thing like it I did a chainsaw and that was pretty tough cuz I was it going yeah And it was a live on TV and I got I was pretty nervous, but I did pretty good with it I didn't draw was it on TV. Just like the morning news in Milwaukee. I was promoting a show or something So was it one chainsaw or two? It was it was two beanbags and one chainsaw Jesus Christ

Yeah, you ought to buy a chainsaw. Yeah, I have like three of them. That's manly. It's pretty yet, dude. That's right It's man. I mean, it's not manly that you're juggling them and not using them I'm sure yeah, that's true and take care of the backyard It was like an echo 300 or something. So you have three chainsaws. Used to, yeah. My parents' house now. You can juggle three chainsaws. That's fucking wild. Yeah. Did you ever get hurt? Yeah. I did. I didn't mean to laugh. No, it's okay. I'm sorry. I cut my arm once during the show. Had to go to the hospital. With the chainsaw? Yeah. And it just ripped into your skin? Yeah. I once broke both my feet during a show because you dropped a bowling ball on it No, I was I was riding a I was opening for the pancake

Yeah, and I was riding a 12 foot tall unicycle. Does that the end of the show a penny father? No, it was just a you just one wheel not unicycle. Yeah, what you can ride a unicycle Yeah, and then I was juggling say Be proud of yourself. Be proud of yourself. All right. Yeah, I can. Yeah. And then I juggled the prop that I had. Say that I'm proud that I can ride a unicycle. I'm proud that I can ride a unicycle. Gayest thing ever said on the show. I'm proud. Is it really? No. Okay. And then I juggled the prop. I've had Jim Norton on the show. Oh dang. I juggled the Nortch, which is a knife and a torch taped together. So I was juggling knives that were on fire. Yeah. And then I had a firework

going off on my head and then everyone was going crazy because it was like, you know, it was like a jackass stunt. Crazy. Yeah. And then I jumped off instead of going back to like the ladder to get down because I was just like in the moment I was like, I'm going to live forever. I just broke my feet when I landed on the ground so it's really funny did you know you broke your feet not at all I didn't know till the next day I couldn't walk I knew I knew I messed up real bad I couldn't walk is this it do you have it no that's not it but that's the trick that's the trick but that's not it that's not from new years you own that unicycle? Yeah. Jesus Christ.

How did you store that in your little apartment in Harlem? It breaks down into a suitcase. So you had to travel with shit at some point. Oh yeah. Yeah. I was that must have been the worst. You must be so free now that you just the best just carry on. Just go on.

Go to the club. Do your show. And if someone wants you to juggle you throw some from the crowd. It's fun. That would suck to have to travel with a unicycle. Yeah, yeah. And three bottles of wine, and a firecracker hat. Yeah, yeah, it's a lot.

Right? It's a lot. It's tough. It is tough. So why did you decide to stop doing it? My manager told me to stop. Really? Yeah. Why? Because he couldn't. He doesn't like it.

Really? Yeah. Why did he say that? I mean, he's old school. Why? Because he couldn't. He doesn't like it. Really? Yeah. Why did he say that? I mean, he's old school. He's like an old school guy. Who's your manager? Shecky Green? His name's Rory Rosegarden.

Why? Oh, I know Rory. Yeah. He's a good guy. And he was like, listen, you got to cut it out and just do stand up. Mm-hmm. Pretty much.

Yeah, it was his idea to cut it out and just focus on jokes, which I think was, like, at the time, I was, like which I think was like at the time I was like, honestly kind of heartbroken about because I was like, it had been my identity for so long. But then, you know, I was always writing jokes, you know, to put in the show, then it was just writing different styles of jokes. So I did enjoy it. Yeah, but it must have been hard to let go of something that you work so hard to do that not too many people do. True. And you have all this stuff that you bought over the years. I mean that cycle, how many fucking little stickers did you have to put on that thing? I bedazzled it. You bedazzled it? I did. And you have to let go of that. Yeah. I mean, it's always there if I need it, you know?

Yeah, but it must've been a tough decision to be like, it was, it was in shit in your pants because not that it's look, not that it's easy, it's not easy to juggle. I'm not gonna fucking trash you for juggling. I'm fine. I don't care. I'm fine with that. Okay, you don't care?

No. It's stupid. You're a fucking hack. Right, right. No, I don't, like the thing is, I kind of did all I could do with the juggling career. Like I did all, I had all these goals and I like did them all. So it's like, okay, now let's do, you did Washington square park,

Times Square. You went to France. No, you, you did Belgium. I had in my own off Broadway show. I start, I was, what was your, what was your off Broadway show? It was just called Marcus Monroe, the rise and fall of Marcus Monroe. It took it to Edinburgh fringe. Right. Um, yeah. So I did, you know, played Joe's Pub, played Ars Nova, did a lot of, yeah, a lot of like. So you reached the ceiling of juggling. I mean, I don't know. It felt like I didn't know what else I could do. Like I don't want to.

There's not like a juggler in Las Vegas or anything. There's not really like. Well, jugglers wind up. I mean, you make money on the street. Yeah. Did you do that? When I was in high school, I street you make money on the street. Did you do that? When I was in high school I street performed at like festivals so it wasn't just like,

it was like you had to, yeah people kind of knew me for that. Yeah that's, I mean I've always enjoyed that shit. I love when you walking by and some dude's about to do something. Yeah sorry go ahead. No I just, I like all that shit, I love it. I do too, the only thing is like they don't do, they, they just build up and they

don't do anything for so long. Like the showtime dance, like the, not the guys on the subway, but the guys like on the street that line people up and they're like bend down, you jump over them. You know, I like, like, I liked action. I like actually seeing stuff and like fast moving. So you didn't cause they do have to build it up because they need people, a crowd to form. Yeah. But you know, there's ways of doing it that are like, you know, I would set like stuff on

fire and people just flocked. Like little kids? No, just like juggling stuff on fire and I'd scream and everyone was just like, I told people what the finale of my show was going to be. At the beginning? At the beginning. I said, this is what I'm going to do in 10 minutes. You won't want to miss it.

Get a good spot. People would come. I'd do a little warmup. I juggle knives and I juggle fire. Then I got on the unicycle and do the the norches with the firework. On the street, did you have a fuck up on the street where you got hurt on the street in front of like a crowd of children? Not terribly. I've got like, I like stabbed myself with some knives sometimes, you know, the old knife stab.

That's horrific for a child to see somebody get stabbed with a knife. A little blood, you know, I got burned a lot. Like no, I would have no like eyelashes during the summer because I would just like burn them off. With the fire sticks? Yeah. Yeah. My hair would be singed. You can't, did you have to like check all your shit, right?

Yeah. Because you can't travel with lighter fluid. No, you can't. Definitely can't. You had to just, you had gotta go somewhere and buy lighter fluid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a pain in the ass. That's common though.

You know where to look. You just go to Home Depot or Walmart, get some Coleman fuel. Yeah, it's common for fucking somebody who lights fires. I mean. Sounds pretty manly. It is pretty, you do a lot of manly stuff. Yeah.

You really do. You spent a lot of time at a manly store and buying manly things and doing very unmanly things. I'm like, where's your tiki torch fuel? Yeah, right. Yo. Because you need that to juggle. That's right.

On a unicycle. That's right. Oh shit, I wish Danny didn't tell you that. Why? I told you, dude, I fucking love jugglers. I think it's great. I think it's... There is a bad stigma attached to it.

And it's like, you know, because dude, it's, it's like being in a boy band. You're like, yeah, but you know, speaking of boy bands, you're friends with boy bands. Yes, I am. I love them. This is all tracking. I love them. I'll be honest with you. I love them too. Do you really? Yep. What's your favorite? Um, I like Backstreet Boys. Yeah, they're good. They're really good In sync is Justin, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I like in sync. Yeah They're coming back. What the fuck is that? Oh, it's me a New Year's kissing Chris. I Mean you don't have to kiss like that. No, well, it was a that's the I don't know why it looks like that But because you're making out with a guy on New Year's, we weren't making out.

It was a quick smooch. It was not a quick smooch. It was a quick smooch. That's an open mouth. No, I have the video. Listen, his mouth is opened. No, and you're going top lip. He's going bottom lip. That is not listen to me.

I've kissed many a man. Trust me. That is a smooch. Let me show you how we did it. So it was like it was like it was like that. That's not smooch. Let me show you how we did it. Go ahead. So it was like, it was like, it was like, like that. That's not what it was. I'm going to show you how it was. Oh. It was like this.

That wasn't really what it was like. Man, you really like my bottom lip on that one. Dude, let me tell you something right now, brother. You felt that. I did feel... Because you pulled away. I've never... You pulled away and then you stopped.

So? Okay. I'm just saying you were into it. What? Do we exchange information? No, dude. This is the end. You get one kiss from Papa King. I got two. You got two. You got a little one. The one you pretended to do. You held me. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a man. Oh, I didn't know. We play chicken. I love it. You're a good kisser, by the way. Thank you. You're welcome. I mean, you can throw the compliment back if you want. You're great. Great. I, I, you know, the stub, I've never done the stubble before cause my wife doesn't have a beard and, um,

She's not from the circus. No, no. It was, I honestly think though, she must be a lot more relieved that she doesn't have to be like, my husband's a juggler, you know, that must for her, it must be like, Well, I mean, listen, juggling is a stigma, dude, because it's never, you've never met a, like, a magician. You've met famous magicians, millionaire.

I've never met a millionaire juggler. They, there are a few. There's, yeah, like who? Who's a millionaire juggler? I think the passing zone. They're like this corporate duo that do But they do court but not not famous they did America's Got Talent twice So they got they got to the final they got like pretty well known from that show, right? Yeah, you're right though

There's no famous jugglers and there never will be yeah, because it's a it's like a certain level you can go to and you're done So now by releasing this thing, now you have the potential to go all the way to another level, which that's what your managers go and look I want 15% of something. I'm sick of you paying me in fucking buckets of quarters and Canadian dollars. Yeah, I understand. I always thought like, you know, if I ever start, like I'm playing clubs right now, but if I ever move into theaters, maybe would be fun to bring some of that big stuff back. 100%. Yeah. I mean, that'd be sick at the end of the show if you do something crazy. Yeah. If I do like an hour stand up, then just like if you murder for an hour and then close big and then fucking wail back out as an encore on your unicycle with your firecracker hat. And then you jump in the crowd and make out with a dude.

That's what I'm saying. I mean, it's- Doesn't get more manly than that. And then you have N'Sync come behind you. Oh, dude, fuck yes. What's that big song? Bye Bye Bye, it's gonna be me tearing up my heart. I mean, I must've spent, gone.

How great is Bye Bye Bye? So good. When that comes on, I don't care who you are, how alpha you are. if you're not going Bye Bye Bye, Bye Bye, Hanuman, Hanuman. And Deadpool gave it a big resurgence which was fun. Of course. It's awesome.

I love Kelly Clarkson. She's cool. She's amazing. Justin Garino? Is that his last name? I don't know. Garini? He's the Dr. Pepper guy.

Who's that? You know the Dr. Pepper guy? You know just Kelly and Justin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was Dr. Pepper He is now, you know the little funky that's him. That's him good for him He fucking became the Dr. Pepper guy. I knew it dude. He was gonna he's he's bound for glory Kelly's the greatest I hate when like Kelly's the greatest. I hate when like, uh, you know, people say that there's no way in sync or Backstreet Boys is coming on their hits and you're not singing them in the car. That's what I'm saying. There's no way people hate on me for liking them publicly, but I'm

like, you like them too. I come from Boston. We had new kids. We had new kids. Yeah. And LFO. What's LFO? Oh, they were after Rose where Abercrombie and Fitch. Yeah, I didn't really, I wasn't into them. No, no, because after new kids, it was in sync and actually backstreet then in sync. Sure. And then, oh, wasn't it? Oh, so O town. Oh, town. Yeah. Oh, town's awesome. They're actually, this is the gayest conversation. I love it. No, no, but like, it was made out and now we're talking backstreet boys and O town. Well, Trevor from o town lives a block away from me. Really we hang out all the time, buddy Are you friends with these guys? Yeah, who are your friends with all of o town? They're all my buds. I all I text them all the time, right? Yeah, and then I'm friends with Chris obviously, right?

Joe, I could show you kiss them on New Year's bass. Yeah Lance Bass sir Yeah, Joey Fittone. Yeah, he Lance Bass? Sure. Yeah, Joey Fatone. Yeah. He's a cool guy. Yeah, he's awesome. Yeah, what about Justin? No? No, but he did like one of my jokes on Instagram once, so I felt like that was pretty cool.

So they must have told him about you. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. And then, I mean, Backstreet Boys, kind of sad what happened to them. What happened to them? I mean, the fucking blonde, gorgeous guys going through some shit right now. Oh, Nick, yeah. He's, you know, he's been going through that stuff for a long time

I think it's it's I don't I don't know too much about it either either way But it is it is sad to see that does your wife like those bands? She does because of me I think but I think she likes the hits, you know, yeah like Led Zeppelin sure her age Yeah, no, she was oh she was she loved that she loved you what we would Mac. Yeah, I mean your wife for the same age Oh nice, you're born 70. I'm 70. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's so funny me and your wife for the same age I should give you guys your information. Yeah, she can come over for dinner. Yeah, enjoy a night of adulthood With my wife of that. Yeah, 52. Oh nice. I think 53 shit. She 53. I don't know. Dang younger women

53 shit she 53 I don't know. Dang younger women. Were you a one direction guy? Oh yeah loved 1D. RIP I'm sorry. That sucked. Why what happened? Well the guy from one direction killed was fell from a balcony and he got let's not get carried away he got pushed off the balcony. No he fainted and he fell there's like see see TV footage of it. This no that's not fun. He fainted because you felt there's like see see TV footage of it. There's no that's not fun He fainted because he knew about P. Diddy look That I'm not saying that's not true. Okay, but there are there's a lot of conspiracy theories out there right now And I think it's we need to wait Then you know what's going on. How do you fucking that sucks?

Yeah, cuz they were saying some people like I okay I got maybe I watch too many videos on this But they're like the fall wouldn't have killed them So but like other people like yeah felt the fall would have killed. I don't know. It's just very sad It was like two stories three stories. Yeah, you'll die from that you think so. Yeah, three stories is pretty high Yeah, yeah, I mean two stories you probably get hurt bad. Yeah, maybe paralyzed that sucks Yeah, the rest of the band has to wheel you out Yeah, maybe paralyzed that sucks. Yeah, the rest of the band has to wheel you out Memoriam well, and you have to like talking to a straw and sing whatever hit they have they have a couple What's the hit? Mm-hmm. What makes you beautiful? Good one. How's that go? That's what makes you beautiful, baby

You're like a world night changes banger. How's that go? Going out tonight changes into something red. Her mother doesn't like that kind of dress. Everything she's ever had, she's showing off. It's no bye bye bye. No, it's not. But it's a different. Do you know the lyrics to bye bye bye?

Can you sing a little for me? Um, hey hey, bye bye bye bye bye. Yeah, keep going. What's in the middle? Um, I'm doing this tonight, you're probably gonna start a fight I know this can't be right, hey baby come on I loved you endlessly, and you weren't there for me So now it's time to leave and make it

Make you cry bye bye bye bye bye. What's the middle part though? Yeah, I just want to say that I've had enough You you were crazy, but it ain't no lie baby bye bye bye bye bye banger dude god damn it's good I'm not gay and it's a banger not gay you kissed a man and you're not gay and you juggle I mean you wear pearls nothing about you is gay a little gay maybe a little gay who gives a shit I'm gonna have to cut this out for my son I don't want to see this when he's 17 on a football fucking bus Hey, did you see your dad make out with the jugular? It's all all in fun or having a good time no, dude. Well, listen you got in the cellar

Yeah, and do you juggle here? I did when SD when SD asked me to yeah, she loves it She loves it. I mean she likes a show. Yeah, she loves it. She loves it. I mean, she likes a show. Yeah. She likes a show. Yeah, and I don't mind doing it, but what I really love is just working on my stuff, so it's like, it doesn't let me work on material. Material, I just, you know, but it's like, you know,

but it is fun, I talk about it on stage, so it is fun to sometimes do it. But did you, like, did you feel, do you feel like now that you don't do it, and you can go up and do stand-up, do you feel like, does that make you feel stronger? Like, was there a point where you're like, fuck, all these comics, think I'm a fucking hack?

Like, cause stand-ups, we're me. I never thought that, though. We said that. Did you? No, I think that getting in at the cellar kind of spoke for itself. Like, OK, I know I can do jokes. Right.

So not, you know. Now, here's the thing, too. Did you get famous on social media? I do a lot on social media, yeah. I'm doing this series now where I go into the subway as different characters. You suck guys off. And I do stand up.

Oh, sorry. Sorry. I do stand up as Oh, sorry. Sorry. I do stand up as these characters on the train. What are you talking about? So I'll go into the subway. Yeah. Dressed as Jesus or Satan.

Or recently I did a MAGA supporter or a ballot box or a foot or a wrestler or Uncle Sam. I think I saw the Satan one. Yeah. I think I saw that one. Yeah. What were some of the jokes? Oh Don't worry. I'm not gonna post this on YouTube. My page is demonetized

You know, they're all like pretty punny jokes that right that we're gonna work on a subway, right? Yeah, right They're not jokes. I do on stage, but they get like crazy views. Tell me another one from Satan. Yeah Let's see God My favorite comedian is Bernie Mac um there's i'm trying to think we did so many um well i'm oh jesus tell me jesus joke oh jesus uh oh wait are you playing it he's got nobody fucked it up uh jesus i did um I've seen this dude. This is hilarious. I've actually seen this guy. New York City subway hell on earth huh. I love it here. I started a charity. Don't worry it's a nonprofit. Been going to the gym working on that six six six pack. This lady ain't you got I don't make any money off these videos my page is demonetized

You had a diddy party There's a lot of old people in hell or as I like to call them sinner citizens Fun fact about me. I hate pizza hate pizza. I guess you could say I'm the anti crust I hate pizza. I guess you could say I'm the anti-crust. I know I look weird. The barber messed up my hair. I don't worry. He's going to have hell to pay. They're all just kind of like- She liked it. ...you've landed. Hey, I did go vegan. I guess you could call me Satan.

I went to Catholic school. It's very hands-on. Hey, you know they say if you listen to Dave Matthews band in reverse you hear Satan talking Even worse if you played forwards you hear the Dave Matthews band. That's a good one. It's true. I did do time I was charged with possession That's just me Details I'm more of a big picture guy. A little misunderstood. New York's gross, but I love Cincinnati. City's so nice, they send it twice. I like the subway, I also drive. I drive an anti-Chrysler.

Nothing. I'm on my way to the Trump trial right now. I'm a character witness. I'm dealing with a lot of people. I'm dealing with a lot of people. I'm dealing with a lot of people. I'm dealing with a lot of people. I'm dealing the way to the Trump trial right now, so I'm a character witness. I mean, dude.

Pretty good? All right, I'm hungry. Did anybody, have you ever gotten somebody fucking with you, like shut the fuck up? Yeah, recently I did the MAGA thing, so I had like a Trump shirt on and a Trump hat and I grew up my beard and I had a little fake mustache on. And this one guy got real mad right away just by this sight. I mean, I didn't even start yet. He was like, fuck off.

And then he just like got his leg. He just walked to the other car. But I was like, no, I'm not a Trump supporter. I'm making fun of them. Oh, you had to come out of character. No, no, no, I stayed in character the whole time. But I'm just like, if he heard what I was saying. He would have loved you. He would have loved it. Yeah, he would have had you do his kid's birthday party. Exactly, no. I stayed in character the whole time. But I'm just like, if he heard what I was saying, he would have loved you. He would have loved it.

Yeah. He would have had you do his kid's birthday party. Exactly. But I do. Yeah, I actually I did the Grinch for Christmas. That's great. And I broke up a fist fight on the train as the Grinch. As the Grinch. So you got a heart. I do actually have a heart. I do have a heart. I do have a heart. Now, these must get fucking huge views.

Yeah, like the devil one. Each one got like a couple million views. Yeah, like the devil one, each one got like a couple million views. Jesus got like 12 million views. Do you make money over that? You can make a little bit. I don't make, I make enough that pays for the costumes. Right, because that's an elaborate fucking.

Like the amount of time, I have a professional guy come over and he does me up. And that's very expensive. And then I gotta pay the guy to. But I heard you do kind of crazy ones, too Yeah, like crazy videos. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah I did um, like I do like endurance stunts that I get high do like I try to run a marathon Without any training and then every mile I took an edible so didn't Burt

Yeah, did he do it? Yeah. Oh, wow. He's a gorilla. Yeah. Not human. Yeah. Every mile I took an edible. And then I also tried to do that with my unicycle. I tried to ride around the entire lap essential park on that seven foot tall unicycle without stopping. I did it dressed as evil Knievel and every 15 minutes I took an edible and I had to stop after four miles because I couldn't feel my taint. Really? Yeah, my balls were like in my body I didn't wear the right shorts. That's fucked up. Yeah, what else did you do? That's pretty good right um I don't know there's I mean I'm blanking, but yeah, just create I do yeah crazy shit. I but now when you do these stunts yeah

Have you ever gotten in trouble with this shit? Oh, I know what you're okay. I did one where I Got on the no-fly list. Uh Would you do a shoe bomb no I took this was during the How does it I didn't even this is so freaking stupid of Delta to do but I made a video where it looked I was like it looked like I was grilling a steak in the toilet of a Delta airplane. Okay. Okay. And then I brought it back to my seat

and I plated it and everything. Did you really grill a steak? No, but it did really look like it. How did you make it look like that? So I used, I set the camera up facing the toilet. Sure. Okay. Then I took a flashlight that flickered like flame that you can get on Amazon the camera up facing the toilet. Sure. Okay. Then I took a flashlight that flickered like flame that you can get on Amazon, put it in the toilet,

but you don't see me doing that. Yeah. I take a lighter and I like pretend I'm lighting like a sterno that you saw me put in there. Then I put a cookie sheet down and I just put a steak down and I just, I cooked the steak at my apartment on one side. Right. So I showed the camera the side that wasn't cooked,

set down the, you know, set down the cook side and I picked it up and it looked like it one side. Right. So I showed the camera, the side that wasn't cooked, set down the, you know, set down the cook side and I picked it up. It looked like it was cooking. Right. Sound effects, quick cuts, and then a cook steak, 50 million views. It got, you cooked the steak. So people thought you really cooked the steak. Yeah.

And they, and then what happened? Then I got a call from Delta the next day. They called you. They called me. How the fuck did they have your number? I was on a Delta flight. They, they have every, they know my birthday. They know everything. So what does the lady say? She goes first of all she goes this Marcus Monroe. I go yes it was like a Atlanta number. I was like who it was it was by the way it was Thanksgiving Day. A Lan- a Lantern number? Atlanta.

Oh I thought you said a Lantern number. I probably did say that but I'm in Atlanta. That's okay. And she's like hi Marcus Monroe. I'm like yeah she's like my name is Susanna from lantern number. I probably did say that, but I'm in Atlanta. That's OK. And she's like, hi, Marcus Monroe. I'm like, yeah. She's like, my name is Susanna from Delta Airlines. I'm an executive here. I was like, oh, sweet. And I thought she was going to be like, you're flying for free now.

I thought she was going to be like, we saw your video, and we loved it. She goes, I saw your video, and we put you on the no-fly list. I'm like, what? She's like, yeah, you can't cook a steak on our airplane and put it on the internet. I was like, it was fake. She goes, what do you mean? I didn't really do that. She's like, you didn't. And I explained it to, I made a video of myself like panicking, like explained to her what I did. I'm like sweating in my like childhood bedroom. Like my parents are downstairs. Like,

and your wife punished you. I got on put on timeout. I did. And, uh, she still flies Delta. I'll meet her. Like she will leave the same time and I'll take me like seven hours to get to one place. Cause I have to fly on different airlines now. So you, yeah, go ahead. Yeah.

So they, they called and I made a video saying how I did it, but it, I then I deleted the Tik TOK because I was like, I can't have this up. But Southwest Airlines, do you know them? Yeah. They saw my TikTok and they ripped it from my account before I deleted it. Yeah. They posted it to their official Twitter account and they had a caption, you better not try this in any of our airplanes. Oh my God. And so it was that retweet, that tweet. That fucked me because it got 50 million views. And on their account. And their account. And it was that retweet that tweet that fucked me because it got 50 million views and On their account and their account and it was like it was all bad Delta got so much bad press. So CNN Yahoo Barstool sports

World star all did stories on it and like you you know, and they were like Marcus Monroe girls of steak on a Delta airplane, but they didn't know it was fake I mean, I thought people didn't know it was fake. I thought people would know because you can't do that and get away with it. Like you really can't. Why don't you do a video that it was fake? Well, I'd close my show with it and I'll show the video

and then I'll talk about it and then there's. So that shit airline fucked you and you can't fly on them either. On Delta. What about the other? Southwest, I fly on them either. On Delta. You can't, what about the other? Southwest, they don't, I fly on Southwest still. So they fucked you. Yeah. And they just, they don't care.

They don't care. I actually told them, I said, hey guys, the video you posted is me and I'm in a lot of trouble. Can you please take it down? And they responded to me and said, you've already been banned, bro. From Delta. That's no, yeah. They said they've already, they thought I've already been banned I'll show you they were like um they thought I've been banned I think worldwide or something Southwest

it's crazy I should have done it on spirit I swear to God because I've never actually people do it on it wouldn't have been that there's actually other videos of people cooking on spirit anyways at your seat let me read this I don't have my glasses but I actually other videos of people cooking on spirit anyways at your seat. Let me read this I don't have my glasses, but I'll read it. I Bet your wife has reading glasses Please take down the steak video It was clearly fake and I don't want people thinking they can do that It puts me at risk. I it was all fake. We already banned you bro

They they said bro. That's fine with me. Yeah that's kind of dicky and then they wrote joke. Yeah. They wrote joke. Thanks for the heads up. We'll do a follow-up tweet to clarify. And did they? No. Wow. No. Because they got 50 million views. Yeah they made some money. They made money dude. 50 million. Can I lease board in the a group or something? Oh, you're still in zone fucking seven. Yeah, dude. I'm boarding with like the I never wake up early to check in for a flight. Oh That's cuz you're a child

I don't like to wake up early. So these videos though that that's you want your juice box Oh, yes, could I you have one for me? Did you get it? Thank thanks thanks but you want you want some coffee no just do my juice I've never had coffee I can't do caffeine I get the shakes you get the shakes dude you already have the shakes I know I can't sleep why are you drinking a drink I Thanks bro. I mean listen bro. I gotta say. Listen, I want to. We kissed, we juggled, we had, you know, we're having juice now. I mean I'm having coffee.

Oh. You're having a juice party. Yeah, we're doing it dude. I'm gonna give you a time out. No. Oh no, not another one. I'm gonna give you a time out for using potty words. Oh dude. Is my hair sticking out a time out for using potty words. Oh, dude.

Is my hair sticking out of my hat? No, it's not. Do you have hair up there? You got a good set of hair? I got a hair transplant. You did not. What'd you get? Can I see it?

Yeah. What'd you get? You got a space wig? I went to Turkey. You went to Turkey? Yeah. Why Turkey? Turkey's like the Mecca of hair transplants.

What? They are. Why? I don't know. It's just they're all, they're cheaper there Turkey's like the mecca of hair transplants. What? They are. Why? I don't know. They're cheaper there. And they specialize in hair. I think they specialize in all cosmetic surgery, but hair transplant is definitely part of

it. And I was kind of losing the front here. Yeah. And so it was kind of more like preventative than anything else. And I made a video about it. Content. How much is your hair transplant? It was like $4,000. Dude, I might about it. Content. How much does it get you hair transplant? It was like $4,000.

Dude, I might do it. Yeah. Mine's gonna be $70,000. They just all, I didn't know really what they did. They just take the hair from the back and put it to the front. Yeah. And so if you have hair in the back,

they can probably do it. I have all hair in the back. Yeah, they can probably just, they just move it. How funny would it be if I came back, you came back on like a year from now and I had gorgeous Elvis hair Oh, that'd be awesome. That'd be fantastic. Yeah, but you actually look really look good with like a shit with a shaved head bald head I think it looks good. Thank you, dude. Some people can't pull it off, but it's yeah, you would look nerdy Oh, I would look like such a penis if I didn't have hair. Yeah, you you you look good with this It's my nose. It's like it doesn doesn't balance, it balances out my face. It's hard to kiss you. It was hard to get close.

I'm sorry. It is. We had to turn to the side. It is, it is annoying. So now you, you're, you're at, so you have a new show coming out. You got something happening? Yeah. I'm on the road right now, actually. Yeah. Are you selling, you must be selling great. I do. I sell pretty good. I mean, I, I, right now I'm doing a lot of co-headlining with my buddy Cory. Okay, Cory B. Okay. And yeah, we we're doing really well. Yeah So you just travel with your pal? Yeah doing jokes. Yep. Now does your does your wife mind you being on the road so much? No, I mean I come home, you know, I'm the longest I've been out It's like two weeks, right and I come home. So it's good And we talk a lot and we trust each other.

And Cory's married too. It's like we're good guys. Yeah. She's mature. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We have fun.

You're not dating a young girl who's like, well, you're never home. Yeah. I'm with the cat all myself. Yeah. I think she kind of enjoys it when I leave. Of course she does. She has fun. She's a 54-year-old woman.

She loves it when you leave. Yeah. Your energy must bug her. I'm probably 54 year old woman. She loves it when you leave. Your energy must bug her. I'm probably so annoying to her. Yeah, a little bit, but she really likes you. She does. Do you have to have juice boxes at the house? We don't have to, but you know.

Does she do a juice box? No, she doesn't do a juice box. We do a lot of seltzer water. Right. Yeah. Do you want a fruit roll up? Do you have any fruit roll-up? Do you have any?

Yeah, we can get you some. You know where I was in Vegas doing the seller like two weeks ago, and they had a big thing of fruit roll-ups. Mark was like, it's just for you. How excited are you? I loved it. All right, well, listen, man. When I got him the juice box, he sees it's apple,

and he got pissed. Why? Because apple juice, you don't buy a juice box to drink apple juice. You want orange, you want fruit punch, you want tropical pineapple something. Yeah, you want a child's palate. Yes.

Yes. If you're gonna go. This is for nursing homes and hospitals. Right. You want a juice box, you want fruit punch. That's what I'm saying. Something silly. Yeah.

Something you can fucking, it's something you're not. This looks like I have a medical thing and I have to have apple juice right now. You know what I mean? Like if I don't have this, I'm going to start like convulsing. Right. Well listen dude, I've never met you. I've heard about you. I've seen you on stage. Oh cool. The seller. Oh awesome. And dude, I think it's great that you gave up the juggling. Thank you. And now you're doing stand-up. You're on the road.

Appreciate it. You're a fucking interesting cat. Thank you, man. Appreciate that. And you're a nice guy. You're not an asshole. No, I think it's the Wisconsin. Yeah?

Yeah, they breed nice people. Yeah, patient night. I don't know. Yeah. And I think it's hot that you're married to a woman my age. It's hot, yeah. I mean, you're going to be alone at some point. That's all right. I Feel like I love her. Oh, she's the best and

Yeah, I you know, I wouldn't change a thing. No, no, I would you no, I wouldn't you married to a mature woman Yeah, she didn't have to have that's the same right all the work is done. All the work is done Yeah, you got all the manly shit now You got a kid you got grandchildren It is weird when you say that to me out loud, you know, yeah, you're a grandfather. Yeah that Yeah, grandpa. Nah, they don't call me that though. What do they call you? Just like Marcus So the my my granddaughter poppy calls me mip sometimes

Why she couldn't say Marcus when she was a baby she was a mip mip. Yeah, so it just stuck. She healthy She's very healthy. She's very healthy. She still calls you mip. Yes, sir. Oh Fucking a let me see that Cause you mip. Yeah, this is her. Oh, fucking A, let me see that. God damn, dude. What a cool little life you lead. It's fun.

I enjoy it. Oh man. Is this her now? That's her now. Yeah, I just got that photo today. I mean, how adorable. Yeah, she's like three. I mean, your wife is hot

if she's producing that type of gene. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, dude, good for you. Yeah, good genes in that family. Good genes. I mean, your genes are difficult. But God gave you a kid without fucking up a gene pool. It's not bad. That's sick. Pretty cool. That's great. I mean, you, you, now your parents, uh, still around, still around. Yeah. Yeah. I got two brothers.

Older. Oh, one older, one younger. Does the other one juggle? No, he works for Yana sent to the combo. I'm sorry. Excuse me. Yana sent to the, from the Milwaukee bucks. Yeah. Yana's. Yeah. Yeah. What does he works for Yanis Antetokounmbo. I'm sorry, excuse me? Yanis Antetokounmbo from the Milwaukee Bucks. Yeah. Yanis. Yeah. What does he do for that? He works for him.

He's like one of the heads of his production company. That's awesome. What's your younger brother do? He works at Lululemon in Portland. He's not in retail. He helps figure out what shoes are going to be popular in your defined shoes. So he's not in the help like helps like figure out what shoes are gonna be popular in your like There's not a help of fat ladies into yoga. No, he designs No, yeah, nothing wrong with working in retail, but now not at all. I mean there is but there's no I we've all done it

No, I never did you never did not retail. Oh you did I did now you would you work Hollister? What the oh that yeah dude shop? shop well there's they have guys and girls Yeah, but they have like manly like flannels and sweatpants and shit like that It's like kind of woodsy guy shit like surf surf wear henley's the little three button Henley I'd still don't know what that is. I'm gonna t-shirt with three but I know yeah I remember what you said this t-shirt with three buttons. Okay, you've seen them. You'll never not see them now No, you're right every time you see a t-shirt with the button. It's t-shirt with oh, yeah I don't I don't like I don't love I hate them. Yeah, I don't like them at all either

I prefer if you're gonna have buttons have a collar with it. I want to start dressing like you I think you should want to switch clothes. Um, I don't think I'd fit. Oh, but yes, okay I would like to wear a kooky jacket a cool shirt and be fucking hip. I Think you could do it. I think you could do it too. You got, you guys should switch clothes for the Patreon. Um, I don't think I'd fit, but maybe we can, um, listen, wait, is this live somewhere? This is live right now. Dude, we're not live. Um, so check this out, man. Uh, you can check him out. What, uh, what's your website? Just go to MarcusMonroe.com, Instagram, TikTok, MarcusJMonroe, others of my dates.

What are you going to be? Read that. I'm at the stand tomorrow night doing a show I produce. Then I'm going to be in New York on the 16th, Morris Plains at the Dojo of Comedy on the 18th, Hartford, Connecticut. I'm coming to Albany. I'm going to I'm going to be in Kansas City in two weeks. Still got a website, huh? Yeah, I put all my dates on my link tree as well. You got to get a punch up page, baby. Punch up the life.

I've told I talked to that guy, Daniel. Yeah, I've talked to him. I don't know why he doesn't do that for me. You should. You should get in there. I'm going to be here's mypunchup.live slash Robert Kelly. Hey, we're at the Dojo around the same week. At the same week? Yeah.

Oh, nice dude. Yeah, I'm gonna be all over the place. I'm going to Cuba on Monday. Cuba? Cuba, me and Ari Shafir. Oh no. I hope guys, I hope we make it back. Jesus.

Sunday night, we still have tickets available. Five o'clock show at the Miami Improv. Me and Ari Shafir are doing a show and then the Monday We're heading to Cuba, but this Saturday. I'm in Boston at comics come home. The lineup is fucking insane So if you haven't got tickets, please go there The cam Neely Foundation raising money for cancer. It's a great cause one of the long. I think the longest running Comedy show cancer benefit in the world. So make sure you check that out.

And then I'm all over the place. I'm in Arkansas. I'm in, where the fuck else am I? Danny, I can't read it, dude. You know I can't read it. You're fucking with me. You're gonna be- Just making a big, Wichita.

I'm in Arkansas. I'm doing, of course, The Dojo. Arkansas. I'm doing of course the dojo and then I'm doing Fucking the beacon. I'm gonna be all the place go to punch in the beacon. Yeah, no the beacon New York Oh, it's in the town. You piece of shit No, I'm gonna be I don't have a fucking I didn't cook a steak in a fucking bathroom train Make sure you can fly on Delta. I can't I love them too. I had high status and everything. I am at the top Yeah, baby, you dumb dumb fucked up real Fucked up. I really did you fucked up. How you gonna find Southwest? I'm American mostly. Oh, you know, he says shit worse

Oh, they suck. I know come on mostly. Oh, you piece of shit. Oh, they suck. I know. Come on Delta. Give him a shot. I made a mistake. Go back to them. I'm true. Dude, I've actually tried to fly on them since I've been put on the no fly list. And I get stuck at the counter and they're like trying to check me in. They're like, Oh, do you have a passport? I give my passport. Like, uh, you're on the no fly list. I'm like, Oh really? You got it it off Come on. It was a dumb joke. It was a magic trick And if you give him his thing his status back, you'll get a lot more people to you I've learned that my yeah, my fans won't even fly and you've learned your lesson

He's not gonna cook steaks and do stupid videos Yeah, I'm not gonna turn my phone on on the flight. Yeah, but he will juggle knives. Yeah, that's for sure All right. Listen man. Thanks for coming on. We're gonna go to patreon dot right now We have questions from you from the fans will answer live if you're not a member of the patreon go to patreon.com Robert Kelly become a member support the show and You get to ask questions and you get the extra episode you get all kinds of shit over there You guys are on YouTube make sure you click the subscribe button for me. If you're watching this for the first time

welcome. Hope you enjoyed the show. Make sure you check out him. What do you guys got? You can follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and comes to me headline at in Boca Raton on Saturday November 24th at Sad Men's Comedy Cafe. Sad crowd. Go ahead. What's up guys? Do you like cheese? Do you like comedy? Do you like a fun couple in there? You're really guys. I have a show called the cheese show. He murdered it type in the cheese show It's the first goddamn thing that comes up. It's the only one What do you got bro You can just follow me on Instagram at Zachary unlimited. No, he has no self-esteem.

I tell you that. I mean really no. I think that's going to drive the people. I mean more than those fucking losers. Yeah. Um, all right. So go, we're going over there right now. You guys are the best fans in the world. We'll see you next time on, you know what?