Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #562 | Ari Shaffir | Cuba Edition
Episode Date: November 24, 2024This week on YKWD talks w/ Ari Shaffir live from Cuba. The power went out due to the hurricane so they had to record the pod by candlelight. Watch the uncensored episode for free at Punchup.live/Robe...rtKelly Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Okay.
Fucking Ari.
You used the last of my shit.
Oh yeah, sure. It's the exact second I stopped using it.
I used the very last stop.
You used my last thing to light your stupid thing.
Can I show you? Can I show you how to do it?
No. You used the last...
Let me show you, buddy.
It's about energy.
Positive energy.
Oh shit.
Fuckin' asshole.
I can't.
I can't.
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck.
It's all about positive energy.
You don't about positive energy.
You don't have positive energy.
What's up everybody?
Welcome to a special...
I'm in the middle of the intro.
I like that.
No, in the middle.
But then it'll be on the camera.
So what?
They get to see it.
It's kind of aesthetic.
Okay.
Right here.
Right here maybe?
Yeah. That's better.
How about right there?
That sounds cool.
You're pretty close, huh?
You're all tucked in, leave me no room.
I mean,
you have a foot on that side.
Look at all the blot, I got nothing.
I'm not sure, I'll go over here.
Dude, there's a leg right here.
I mean, this is too-
What's that girl?
You're tucked in all the way, little mini table.
I'm outside the table. I said we both move back so why do you have to tuck in?
Because I like the table. Yeah but then I like it. My drink is here. Look the
legs right here. See this? No. You want to switch? I'll sit there.
Let's see how it feels. I hope you catch on fire. What did you say?
I hope you catch on fire.
Actually, I like this better.
Oh, look how I'm off camera now.
I like it better.
I'm off camera now.
Yeah, I was off camera.
You were so high.
No, you're, oh, you're the fucking worst.
Is that better?
All right, can I start, please?
Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now.
We're back, you know what, dude, live.
Welcome, everybody, to the show.
I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Home school back
in the day where it all started before them all. This podcast is so fun and crazy. It
has no rules. God help help, you're ruining this.
Where's the bomb gonna land?
I'm sorry.
It's a comedy podcast.
This isn't NPR.
That's what this podcast does.
Is there any better show?
This is the original.
The original.
What's up everybody?
This is...can you shut the fuck up and let me start the show? Just let me
get the intro out.
Okay, if you want to start on the wrong foot, you're nailing it.
I'm not starting on the wrong foot. I just want to get the intro out and then we start.
Can I start? Just yes or no? Can I do the intro?
Let me think for a second.
What's everybody special edition
YKWD. You know what
dude. I'm not you're not against you're out there
starting a podcast. I would say to
follow this is a to not do list of how to
treat a guest. Look at his fucking
face all lit up. The guests he doesn't care about.
Dude, your nose is lit up.
My nose is lit up. Why?
Your face is bright white.
Alright, look, I'm gonna frame it in a little better.
How's that? That's better. That's way better.
You lean in, I lean back.
I like to lean in. What's up everybody?
Special edition of YQWD.
Straight out of the casa in Cuba.
It's a hurricane, so we're out of power.
We have no power.
We have no electricity, no fridge, no AC.
Scene.
Electriciados.
I don't know how to say electricity.
Scene.
That's cool.
This?
Okay.
I know, but you establishing shot.
Establishing shot.
Yes.
You established that we're doing this by candlelight. We legitimately have nothing.
Candlelight.
Candlelight.
We should establish it so they know what's going on.
I said that.
I remember saying it.
I remember you saying it.
Can you put the candle back, please?
The back where it was.
How do you like that?
How do you like that, buddy?
Because of your attitude, now no one sees anything.
I mean, like, you know what I mean?
It's just like, what are you doing?
Positive energy.
Okay, now let's try again.
What's up everybody?
Hi Ari, how are you?
I'm great, welcome to YKWD, guys.
You come with...
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't get me demonetized out of the food you not do you what you do you crusty?
Yes, white no no the white
What oh?
God
No, I'm just worried about I mean mean, you know what it is too?
It's one-nothing.
You have the attention... like a squirrel.
You just see it... huh? Huh?
Like a what?
Squirrel.
I have to say it the first time?
Squirrel.
It's funny that I did.
You've seen him before. He was like gratitude.
And he goes, do we have any... And he's just like, Bob, you're just trying to throw an accent in for no reason. I don't know the language but I do know the accent.
I really do a simile
Yeah, look at we're not gonna talk about the trip that much because we're doing your podcast the last day
We travel podcast so all this is clearly which is a travel part
Can I finish my thought before you step on it?
Excuse me
dramatically incorrect if you want. Excuse me?
Yeah.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
I love you, you better understand what I meant.
Can I tell you a story?
Sure.
So, that reminds me of this f**ked up thing
that happened to me.
So back in Boston, before I moved,
I was really into acting, I told you that,
actually on this trip.
And I had this acting teacher
who was the best acting teacher in Boston.
He worked with all the stars from Boston.
Oh, I'll talk about my acting teacher later.
He calls me up and he goes, listen, we're doing a script reading of this movie that's
being made with Eliza Dushku.
You know who she is?
Yeah.
Okay.
She's from...
From Hall House?
No, maybe, yeah.
She's a beautiful actress.
She was in True Lives, the daughter in True Lives.
Wait, wait, oh, when she was a young girl.
She was, yeah.
Ah, you guys, don't delete it,
but strike that from the record, please.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
The unedited version of this will be on
PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly
if you want to hear what he said.
If you're on YouTube, it's getting beeped.
Good looking clothes used to be uncomfortable or expensive. hear what he said. If you're on YouTube, it's getting beeped. up top in the chest and arms, but they have just the right amount of room in the midsection.
Now, don't worry, I'm not transitioning.
I just have a little cold.
That's why my voice sounds like this.
I apologize, my voice.
That was just an email from Danny who's bugging me while I'm doing this.
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So he calls me up because listen, I have this thing.
Donnie Wahlberg was supposed to do this script.
Wahlberger?
I mean.
You know the guy from Wahlberger's?
New Kids on the Block and Blue Bloods,
but yes, I know he's from Wahlberger's.
Can you get a Wahlberger?
No, I don't know him like that.
Do you have an ad guy?
So he's saying, I have an ad woman.
Fannyl?
No, Fanny.
Can you pass me one of those little Cubans?
Yeah, I'm gonna light up the rest of this.
So he calls me up and he goes,
listen, can you focus on the fucking story at hand?
You distract me. I know you distract yourself. Stop looking at you
Stop you look like fucking nose for out to it from the original Dracula
Yeah, you're fucking that's your you. I'm gonna slap you. I'm gonna slap you. I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you.
I'm gonna slap you. I'm gonna slap you. I'm gonna slap you. I'm gonna slap you. I'm gonna slap you
He calls me because Donnie's he's out it's tonight
You got to come read you got to do part. At a script reading, script readings suck because you're reading out of the script
in front of 200 people, by the way.
Just this big venue.
So I go there, I learn it, I do all this stuff.
I get there, I'm panicking.
Little Kid is one of the leads.
So I'm reading my lines and I go,
hey, so what are you doing?
You're playing soccer? And he doesn't, I
don't even know the script, I'm just trying to get it done. He doesn't answer me. I go,
so what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? You playing soccer or
what, kid? With lines like that. And he goes, staring right at me, brand new actor. I go,
what are you doing? You playing soccer? He grabs his microphone and he goes, in school.
I went, my head literally got hot.
I was so embarrassed.
I went, you playing soccer in school?
He wouldn't read his line until I read,
I just was trying to go with it.
And he was like, I know the last line.
He was waiting in school.
The whole place laughed.
So what I remember all the acting classes,
it's like, if you can't, if you have a tough reaction,
you can't do it on your last line,
because they'll just jump.
That is their cue, it's my turn.
So there's no idea of like, fuck you, we're done forever,
and then I slowly storm out.
It's like, once I say forever, it's too late.
Yeah, it's crazy.
You know my acting teacher?
Yeah.
Who's your acting teacher?
Was.
She dead?
Did you kill her?
No.
Did she see your acting and choke?
I don't hire women.
Will was in the movie.
Four Dogs Night?
Five.
Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Correct.
Sean Penn.
Nope. Oh, I got Van Halen tickets.
That guy?
Nice, no.
Porus Whitaker.
No.
The nerd.
But you're thinking of people
that probably wouldn't be teaching acting classes now?
You'd be thinking of who would be.
The kid, the nerd. No. He would be teaching acting class.
Um, he would be.
He works at A. In the movie, he works at A.
The brother. He was in Beverly Hills Cop.
Jerked off to Phoebe Cates' tits.
Is that Fast American?
No, that's Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
No, that's not Ferris. There's no tits in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
Who jerked off to see his tits?
Phoebe Cates came out of the pool, took a bra off, he was jerking off in his hat from the fast food restaurant.
She walked in on him jerking off.
That's...
Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Yeah, what's his name? It's not Ham, but what's his name?
Paul Richardson.
Paul Richardson? No, no. He worked at the mall. name. Paul Richardson. Paul Richardson. No.
He worked at the mall.
Yeah.
He worked at the mall.
Okay.
He worked in the electronics department.
He took Phoebe Cates or one of the other ones to a dugout of an abandoned high school
late at night.
Not Phoebe Cates.
It was the other girl.
The other girl.
Took her virginity.
So the guy who date the girl is your acting teacher.
So you got taught from a date, so did you have any tips on how to date in a scene?
That's how good he is.
She's 15 in the movie, he was 18.
Oh, he was older than that, he was working at the mall selling electronics.
Yeah, he was, it's literally statutory.
She'd get out of her house through the door and come down.
Yeah, but that's how good an actor actor he is because you believe he's a
It's not it's statutory. That's true difference
Hey
I think it's
I think it's like a I think it's kid. I don't know but Jesus Christ. Yeah. Well, we started off on the dark
We have no power. Well, we started off on the dark path.
We have no power. Yeah, we said that.
You're being repetitive.
We have no power.
We have two candles left.
This is our one candle.
We get to smoke inside though because.
We get an exception.
Because it's a hurricane.
Yeah, we get an exception, which is nice.
And you keep getting fucking blasted
with the owner of the casa.
I mean, you, first night, you got so shit-faced.
So shit-faced.
You were fucking, I've never seen you drunk like that.
That first drink was hella strong.
You were staggering.
Hella strong.
Yeah, we were hanging, you were like,
I was like, all right, let's go home.
It was like 12, 30.
You were like, let's go take a walk
Yeah, it's like a walk. It's dangerous. Oh
Do the real experience yeah, have you felt unsafe?
There's been a
Want maybe one moment where I legit I'm safe. We'll cover this and you'd be tripping you'd be tripping go to the hour
He's podcast.
We're going to do a whole episode of his show on this whole Cuba experience.
Each episode is another trip.
So this episode will be the two of us in Cuba.
This is...
Go buy it.
What's happening to us right now is crazy.
So you're going to want to go check out that because...
This is a junior episode.
This is a...
You know why? Why? Because it's good. Yeah. Cuba good, junior. I'm gonna wanna go check out that because... This is a junior episode. This is a...
You know why?
Why?
Because it's good.
Yeah.
Cuba Good Jr.
Boom!
Boom with the long setup.
Wow.
Wow!
I mean, I thought I did a little funky.
Yeah, it was good.
I mean, I'll give you that, enjoy that.
I'm professional.
Oh God, it just got hot in here.
You know, we don't have...
We can open up the ventanas later.
Windows.
You got it in context. That's how you learn a language.
In context.
Ventanas.
Yeah.
Here's a problem with me. Can I tell you what the problem with me?
Okay.
No, no, no, no. Pause, pause.
Let me fix that sentence. Let me fix that sentence. Here's a problem with me? No, no, no, no. Let me fix that sentence. Let me fix the sentence.
Here's the problem with me with learning a language.
Okay, okay. You single your eyes, this is no problem.
I've never seen you that excited. You're like you just put a thousand dollars on black and
it went tick, tick, tick and it hit on black. All right, listen. These are Kohiba. These are nice little cigars. I'm going to get another box of these. These are Kohiba.
These are nice little sagas.
I'm gonna get another box of these.
These are real sweet.
Kinsei.
Kinsei, small.
No.
You know what Kinsei is?
No.
Bucks.
No.
Oh, Kinsei means...
Tell me a little things about this box that you know of.
It's small.
Okay.
It's compact.
Cheap.
Where we got it, how much. It's small. Okay. It's compact
Cheap where we got it much
It was uh, oh 15 dollars nice buddy you're learning can't say can't say is 15. Yeah. Well, I'm telling you right now
Nobody I know would ever do this trip the way we're doing it just wouldn't do it I mean mean I'm all the people that would never come here. All right, let's go through them ready
Yeah, you won't use on your podcast. We should do it. Let's do that
What else do we should we talk? I'd say this is like day one or we're doing it from Miami
You know because you had to get it done. We okay if we're doing it from Miami
We didn't know we didn't need to go to Cuba we could just went to the Walmart
Buddy, I got recognized by a cop outside. I
Was walking around trying to talk to this fucker. Was it a Cuban cop?
She was skin
That'd be fun the first day scam scam
scam
In in we found out about on the way to Walmart, which ended up being a Sam's Club.
We walked around Walmart for 35 minutes before we realized it was not Walmart.
I thought they invented a new Walmart.
You did, can I say something though?
You did say, this is Walmart.
You said it was Walmart.
You said, this is what you said.
This is what you said. You said the Yeah, you said was the this you said this we said this what you said
You said there's two this is the the other regular Walmart is next door. Yeah, it didn't make sense
This way it didn't make sense because it's not real
It's not a thing
Was a Sam's Club. It wasn't a Walmart was the big weird the Uber driver's job over here
I thought we were jumping into another entrance. And I'm like, oh, we're pretty much here, dude. And he goes, all right.
I just want to say this.
We went to Walmart twice.
Cause you forgot shorts because you're fucking absent minded
because of all the drugs you just.
And toothbrush.
You're at, you're.
Multiple times toothbrush.
Yes, and your COVID.
Long COVID. Long COVID. Long COVID. AKA my brain dead.
Life hack. Especially for liberals. Blame your lack of interest in their stories on
Long COVID. Long COVID. They can't deny it. It's saying it's the new version of
I'm half black.
It works on conservatives too.
Long COVID? Yeah. No,
they don't want to believe in that. Oh, vaccine related long COVID. So here's the thing. Yeah.
I mean Miami is, we went everywhere we went, everybody was Spanish. They led with Spanish.
There's a lady I went, do you have this? and she had no English and she took me to another person
And that person went no English. Yeah, she was she was in no English
And she was like Tommy
Hey, do you know where this is because I don't speak English
She she didn't know the words for I don't speak English. She had to get the master. Yeah
Miami outside of downtown, wherever it is,
is all Spanish people. The Walmart was, I felt like I was in another country.
And I'm not saying that as a bad thing either.
It was fine.
I didn't mind it at all.
It's great.
I think it's great.
I don't care.
You know what we got to wear for our,
you be trippin'? Our Cuban shirts. We got Cuban shirts at Walmart. At Walmart. I think it's great. I don't care. You know what we gotta wear for our E-Botripin?
Our Cuban shirts.
We got Cuban shirts at Walmart.
At Walmart.
I mean dude.
Yeah.
It was crazy, I mean Miami is Cuba.
God damn, the Uber drivers, all was like, ah.
My Spanish is getting better.
Mine is too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, back to my problems.
Back to your problems
I can't retain shit I don't retain like you taught me today how much Questa conta quanto questa but there's the other one velado Quanta la deba
Quanta la conta quanta vel del bo
La deba what a lot double this is you proving that you can't retain I can't retain
And it fucking kills me. I want to learn Spanish so much
Quanta did your parents know Spanish? No fucking Irish Catholic Italians from Boston
We didn't even speak English to your kid make him just know it at five and then he'll just know it Did your parents know Spanish? No, my fucking Irish Catholic Italians from Boston. I'm trying to tell this guy,
if he's speaking English to your kid,
make him just know it at five,
and then he'll just know it.
I didn't know it, I mean I did.
If you just speak a little bit of a new language,
my dad didn't speak Hebrew to me, I didn't learn it.
He could have just spoken Hebrew to me.
My brother's kid, three languages.
Boston didn't have Spanish people.
They had like two.
Legally.
Like, listen, we just got blacks in our bars. We can't do Spanish yet.
How many languages you know? Just one, but now Spanish. You're pretty good.
Spanish, Spanish, Czati-Iwrit.
Excuse me?
Czati-Iwrit.
Sounds like a chip.
And words in languages too.
That's not the right word, but I know a little bit of like get by French and I know a little
bit of like the next door neighbor lady.
I could say thank you in Romanian to her.
Say it.
Multumesc.
The lady next door.
Let me tell you something.
You want to go to the podcast.
What's your name in your podcast again?
You'll be trippin'. You'll be trippin'. I mean we gotta cover. Listen dude, we're covering. Let me tell you something. You want to go to the podcast. What's your name? Are you podcast again? You'll be tripping. Listen, dude, we're covering. You don't understand what's
happened on this trip. I feel like we've been here a month. We've been here two and a half days.
We're doing it. All right, get out of it. Go to his you'll be tripping page.
Anyways, I do want to learn I'm gonna really put in
the next year I'm gonna go on babble thank you thanks for sponsoring the
bonfire use code word bonfire I've heard there are actually I've been using that
dual lingo so I got a streak but I heard babble is better
babbles great yeah I'm gonna start I'm gonna learn Spanish this year I'm gonna
learn as much as I can for this year. Dude, and I figured out how to say it
without being insulting.
You...
Oh God.
I said before, you're obsessed, you're obsessive,
but there's a way to do it.
You nerd out toward new things.
I do.
So with fly rods, with electronics, with anything.
Even AA, you didn't just get sober, you made your life.
You go to meetings about it
He was like obsessively if you applied that to Spanish French Russian anything. I'm just gonna do Spanish
I think Spanish in America in America. It's the leg all the I know so many Spanish people now. It's crazy
It's crazy. Good practice Spanish is the new I mean our country will be mostly Spanish at some point. Yeah, I think
Yeah, right. Yeah, I think
Right. Yeah, despite any policies
We don't even know who won the election it's Wednesday night we're in the dark by candlelight
How good was dinner tonight?
Bobby did a great job. It's so funny to see Bobby
take like dad charge
You just come in at dinners ready ready, yeah, yeah, it's not funny to see you take mom charge and do the dishes
You're really good. We make a good travel team. I'll be talked about on you be tripping. Yeah. We do make a group. We work pretty good. Maybe I can suck you off. What?
Maybe I can suck you off.
What?
After dinner?
Yeah.
I mean after this podcast,
I can suck you off.
I mean, I can suck your dick until you kill me with your mouth.
I can swallow it or spit it out.
Buddy, can I just, okay.
But you're milking.
Okay, okay, can I say something?
Yes, sir.
We both are mic'd.
They can hear us.
The mic's right here.
Look, see right there.
See the little lines?
They heard everything.
So, no, queer.
Oh, yeah.
How great would it be if we were both fucking gay?
Gay.
Dude, we'd be fucking, dude, we'd be showering right now.
I mean, you're-
Just to cut off of our faces.
God damn.
It's like I'm so tired, it's like perfect,
getting her knees in the shower
and I can blow a load on your face. Why do I gotta get the load?'m so tired. It's like perfect getting her knees in the shower. I can blow
a load on your face. Why do I get to get the load? You're tired. I am tired. Take a load
off. Is that what it comes from? Maybe. Maybe that's what take a load off comes from. By
the way, this episode is brought to you by Eugenio's. Here's the thing. We lucked out. We were in the R&B, Casa Del Pueblo, and Pana Cuba.
Here's the thing, we lucked out.
Our first casa canceled on us politely.
Yeah, we're sorry, we lost power in the four days.
We were almost like, don't go, go somewhere else.
She was already like, how about Panama?
How about this?
I said, we got two weeks, let me put the power back on.
You're telling me to switch my plane right now.
Well, here's the thing is I came in
and you were like, we might have to go to Somalia.
And you checked and right there and then you were like,
power's back on.
And we're good.
It was a little nerve wracking.
What's that?
Oh no, it just started raining up bad.
Hear it?
Yeah, anyways, we lucked out on this casa.
All that will be on you be tripping, but this casa. Yeah, what's the name of again?
We'll put the link in the bio like if you are coming down by all two of you
He I don't know I don't know I mean look at Cuba this is not a trip for
Look if you if you're an adventurous family and you wanna go out there on the day,
see some things, sights, do some tours,
and go to some restaurants and take a cab everywhere,
okay, but would I bring Don and Max to Cuba?
No, I'd bring Max, Don would never go.
But if you did it with Don, you would...
She wouldn't do it.
She wouldn't do it.
But you would hire a guide, hire,
so it's all taken care of you're protected
I would I would have to hire everybody
Like we would have a guy with us that would pick us up take us places bring us back
Come back here. Hang out here. We would have to be at a hotel thing loads
Excuse me, if it clean loads, what does that mean part of the job buddy? You want to be our guy? You're gonna clean loads
I'm gonna blow loads. I'm going to blow loads.
I need to clean.
Loads get sticky, Bobby.
Come on.
Why does it always go back to a load?
Why can't you make it a load of laundry?
I mean, it smells like bleach.
No, she would never do.
Max would love it, but I'd be nervous with Max.
It is a safe place, but when you go down these streets?
Every guy looks like he's gonna murder you and they're not they're actually they're nice
Went to Aruba
Did great did ruba-ray club?
I did I loved it. It was great because here's why love Aruba went there seven years before you even
Did the club he went early? Yeah, he went fell in love with Aruba
We both talked about our love for Aruba and then he was like maybe you should come, you know
But he it needs to be it needs to be clean
It needs to be clean
You need to be so I was a guy I can
clean it up I can clean up what I want to I did and we would go as a family for
seven years we went but I think the last time I was there I came right off the
road and I said the C word I did it I didn't I didn't go over my act. Communism?
Yeah. Wait they can't say it in Aruba? It was the other word. Oh. That YouTube won't let you say.
Yep.
And...
Unless you're British.
Do they have special rules for Brits?
I think so.
Why do they get to say it as like a fucking...
And they're not going to demonetize them for just saying like that.
What?
Can you explain to me what's happening?
You're a right nice...
Mmm.
Demonetized.
Yeah.
Don't say it because I'll slap you.
What if I say it with the light off? No. If you blow the light out, I'll slap you what if I say with the light off
no if you blow the light on I'll slap you too that there's two rules okay
question yes if I blow it out with the word is that one slap or two is it
concurrent sentences that's one slap but I don't know I don't know the current
sentence I don't know you'll love this this. The velocity of this lap. Velocity of what?
I surprisingly know that word.
What's happening with this?
All our talks, and things.
Oh God.
Yeah, I'm petting.
This is my balls.
What?
Bro.
You were just gonna blow me.
I moved the lobster to the...
The freezer?
Yeah, but we...
Yeah.
What?
So in the other room, he did it.
He put all those big things, froze all those,
now he's got a freezer.
In the thing.
Yeah.
Right, we shoulda did that.
But I do have one in there, in the freezer.
Not frozen, he took it out for ice,
for your already cold Pepsi.
But it's still frozen.
He used it.
Look, I didn't know there was gonna be
a fucking blackout hurricane.
We had lost power before you pulled it out.
You should have fucking made a choice.
What was the choice?
Take the bottles and put them in the freezer.
Oh, right, right, right.
We had seven of them.
Yeah, but there was one.
There's seven.
Post blackout, you chose,
this is why you wouldn't survive an apocalypse.
I would, you, first of in apocalypse Yeah, I would you first of all you I have lights. I brought dried food
I bought five I bought everything you have nothing
You know I want my already eyes you didn't bring shorts. You didn't bring shorts
You didn't either I'm wearing them the ones you bought I have another pair
I just bought these pickers they were fancy and they didn't fit you.
I have no worn shorts.
Doesn't matter, you didn't bring them.
I don't need them.
Where are we going tomorrow?
I'd better bring a shortwave radio.
Where are we going tomorrow?
I don't know, buddy,
because we don't know what it's like out there.
Go to UBTrippin to hear this.
We gotta go back.
YouTube, what's going on?
What's happening?
I think it's all a, legitimately, I think people,
it's all sales. They're like think people, it's all sales.
They're like, hey, let's just make it safe for everybody.
It's kind of lame.
You know what else is lame?
Yeah.
That we were talking about before?
Joe List.
Sucks, dude.
No, no, no.
They're doing a whole episode.
I'm like, how much?
You fucking sucked, Joe List.
I saw you in Stobbs' movie.
Oh yeah, yeah.
That was cool, bro.
So funny, you playing,
you playing Eden Supley's dad.
Supley's two years younger than me.
He might be older than you.
He's two years younger than me.
And you both have that massive weight loss face.
I know, but he lost weight in,
like I guess in my eye, fuck.
That guy, I think that guy did what a lot of people
are jealous of. Who?
Ethan Supley.
What, yeah, yeah.
And goes, oh, I've already worked.
American History X, My Name is Earl.
Friday Night Lights, right?
Friday Night Lights, Blade.
He was in Blade?
No, I'm sorry, that was the other one.
Don't blog.
And he goes, oh, everyone's garbage here in Hollywood.
What did he?
I'm moving to Tampa.
He turned to English and went, oh.
Oh.
I treat you guys like shit. No'm gonna treat your guests like shit.
No, you treat your hosts like garbage.
You're right, I apologize.
But yeah, he got out.
He was like, they suck here.
I already have cash.
I don't have to be here for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna go live my life in a fun way.
I tell you what, Tampa is a, if I-
Tampa rules.
Tampa rules, if I had enough money, I would go to Tampa.
I would definitely have a house in Tampa.
A really nice house. Because here's the thing too. You have three homes, you have enough money, I would go to Tampa. I would definitely have a house in Tampa. A really nice house.
Because here's the thing too.
You have three homes, you have enough money.
I have two houses.
And one's small.
Excuse me?
Tiny really.
Yeah, I know.
It makes me sad, you're never gonna go to it.
Maybe in a few years.
Yeah.
You're leaving, dude. This will be the last trip we take for a long time. No, it won't be. You're leaving, dude.
It won't be for years.
This will be the last trip we take for a long time.
No, you can't visit.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
When I fucking go travel, I'll tell you where I'm gonna be.
You have the balls to fucking take off, take four or five days off.
I do.
The balls and the wherewithal to go, this is a short life.
Let me do it right.
Why do people not do that?
Because I'll tell you, I am terrified.
I am scared.
That's what people always say to me, like, oh, you're not scared of those places.
Like, what?
We were both so nervous to come here.
We were terrified.
Yeah, I'm nervous everywhere.
I'm nervous now.
Yeah.
I'm still wearing a money belt.
I'm afraid to take my real belt out.
I'm going to take my belt for me.
Yeah, it's something that people don't want to...
I think it's Americans.
They just don't want to...
And I get it because America is the shit.
God bless America.
What's up, USA?
God bless the USA.
Whoever won the presidency, I'll be behind you.
Yeah, I mean, I was rooting for you the whole time.
I was rooting for you, whoever the hell won, too.
I wasn't.
I put an away message on my vacation was Monday.
Oh, what did it say?
It said, some along the lines of like,
hey, I'm leaving, going to Cuba for the election
so I don't have to be around it.
Enjoy fighting with friends, acquaintances,
and strangers online in my absence.
Personally, I think the one you're rooting for
is the right one.
And if the other person wins, it'll ruin America.
I can just tell both sides of it, right?
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It's so dumb when you don't care about politics at all. Listen to people talk about politics.
You're just like, it's like listening to English people talk about soccer and you're like, oh yeah,
okay. Yeah. You guys sound so obvious. One of the biggest attractions of coming here to me
was that we were gonna be away for that.
Because I can get sucked up into bullshit,
almost like a Super Bowl.
I, of course, Super Bowl's great, Patriots, I love them,
but I could give a fuck about stuff like that, really.
Stuff that I'm supposed to give a fuck about,
in reality, I have the awareness of being like,
I really don't care.
You got the door?
Yeah, you get it.
It's my podcast.
Yeah, your podcast, you got it.
I'm the host.
We're getting knocked on right now, I think by the...
Thank you for the host.
So yeah, we're...
Right now he's... I think he's being offered...
I don't know.
Him and Ari drink and he's talking to them in Spanish right now.
We'll be back.
He's coming back.
What's up?
What?
Don't say it on here.
Can you hear me?
I just got offered something that I cannot talk about.
Okay.
These people could be in danger.
Yeah, you don't.
Well, that's the one thing about here.
I have not been filming the people.
Yeah, you can't film the people.
You can't film the people when you buy stuff or do stuff
because they can get in trouble in a big way.
There's one guy on YouTube, I forget his name. I'm not gonna to say his name, I know his name, but I watched all his Cuba
videos. Every single person...
Tucker Croson?
No. Every single... Oh, he's do three.
Gabby Petito?
No. Every single person...
She's good.
Good. Every single person in his video that was, he was buying like cigars off of people
He's doing like he these girls were like coming up to him
He was ago. There's a prostitute all the people in his video went to jail
They saw his video on YouTube the government and went and got them and they're in jail
I mean and when you go to the reason why in Cuba safe is because when you when you get caught doing something fucked up
Stealing yeah, or any of that crap you go away for 10 20 years. That's why so when I got to China
They talk about
Tucker Carlson who used to live kind of run the Shanghai comedy scene. Yeah
Told me he goes it's safe here. I was like, safe in China? And he goes, the punishments are so severe, you'd be out of your mind to touch anyone.
Wow.
To the point where he goes, drunk white ladies fall asleep with their wallet kind of half
out, or phone in their hand in the street.
They wake up, phone in hand.
Wow.
Yeah.
They're like, it's so weird.
So why?
So it works. In our country, the exact opposite.
You can do whatever the fuck you want and you'll be out tomorrow.
It's funny, especially in New York.
You gotta lock up big potted plants in your outdoor sit.
You gotta lock up tables. Chairs.
Heavy tables and chairs. You gotta lock them all up.
Because they're animals where we live. Yeah, I know.
Animals. Yeah, I know. Animals.
Yeah, it's bad.
I hope it gets better.
I do love America though.
That's why another reason why I wanted to come here
is that when I went to Guatemala,
when you go home, it makes you appreciate everything.
At the fact that you walk out
and I have only five neighbors around me.
Are you living the burbs, bro?
That's all Jay ever wanted when he's like,
I wanna buy a house, I wanna buy a house.
He's like, I just want to play music on my iPhone
on a porch while I smoke without getting yelled at.
Yeah, it is because he's a grownup now.
He's a grownup.
He's a grownup, he doesn't wanna do kid stuff,
which is like smoking outside at a fucking
You know, it's at the corner. Mm-hmm. It's funny with city kids me go to
Country kids you yeah house and I got to Dave's Dave Smith's house. Yeah
And then I'm just like what are you looking at like your cabinet space
No, no look at this addition I put on. I was like, yeah, yeah.
I'm like, oh, there's nothing even in this shelf.
How do you do that?
Running in a pot.
I never understood how you could hang up a pot.
It's like, no, they go in the pantry.
My bathroom in my new house is the size of this whole kitchen.
Yeah.
It's the size of this kitchen.
Here's the thing, it makes you appreciate the fact
that you can just walk down the street.
But I'll tell you this, when I was in the city, dude,
I was 100% a city kid.
My favorite thing in the morning?
A.
No, always do two or three, never do one.
My favorite thing?
All right, go ahead.
You know my favorite thing I've ever waved.
No.
My favorite thing was...
No. No, my favorite thing was...
Putting fingers in your ass and then taking it and slapping it on your face.
Jesus, dude.
Let me try again.
You know my favorite thing in the world was...
No. My favorite thing when I was in...
No. My favorite thing in the world? The ****. No. My favorite thing when I was in ****? No.
My favorite thing in ****?
Oh ****.
Yeah.
I mean New York is the best.
Yeah, I figured it out.
I figured it out.
I figured it out.
I'm really growing into me now.
Thank you.
So again, go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly
for the unedited version of this.
Bobby, when I met you, I was so enthralled with you
because you had been on Tough Crowd
and you were so good on there.
And you had this New York tough comic.
Yeah. And it was like, whoa, that's what real comedy is.
Yeah.
Sounds like a punchline's coming, right?
No.
I was just waiting politely as a host of the show.
But when I first, when I was in New York,
97th and Lex, kind of Spanish Harlem,
little ghetto-y neighborhood, not really gentrified yet.
What's better, Spanish Harlem or Cuba?
I mean, Cuba.
It's better.
Cuba, yeah, Cuba, because of the architecture and the history.
Yeah, the architecture of Spanish Harlem.
It's all right, it's all right, but I used to wake up, get the newspaper, get my coffee
from the bodega in those little Greek cups, you know, the blue
cup, the New York cup.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They don't have any more.
You can get that in ceramic.
Back in the day, that was the cup.
Yeah, that was the cup.
Go get a shit cup of coffee.
Every sort of like third watch, you'll always be drinking it.
And then I'd get my pack of cigarettes.
They got a call, go.
Right.
And I would go to the mailbox and I would sit there on my stoop
You know, I remember when Billy lived there for like a year two years before me
He came out one day and I'm sitting on the stoop. He's like, what are you doing?
I'm like dude, I've been waiting my whole life to have a stoop. Just stoop it
Just I would go and then me and him every morning we go out we get a coffee or something come back
Sit on the stoop shoot the shit read the paper smoke buds make each other laugh
What one time underneath because they always have the underneath where the trash goes we look down
There's just this fucking homeless lady taking a shit and she goes we look down. We're like yo, she's like I'll clean it up, baby
I got it. Don't worry about it
She took a bag and took it with her
She was not Got it. Don't worry about it A bag and took it with her
She was not Don't you do the right thing? She was more right there. Yeah, here's a little walk and I would take my high walks in New York
I would walk right by jade lived
Three minutes four minutes for me. It's a high walk. Oh
High walk. I thought it was a pair of sneakers from the new balance
You know what I used to do I used to roll a pair of sneakers from New Balance. Oh, nice. Oh, my favorite. Do you know what I used to do?
What?
I used to rollerblade around the city.
Wow.
Very McCusker-y.
Dude, we used to rollerblade with hockey roll, no brakes.
Me and Burr, no brakes on the back.
There were hockey skates with rollerblades.
Skid out?
Skid out.
Or use your front wheel.
I mean, I would rollerblade from 97th Street all the way down to Chelsea Piers on rollerblades.
Were you Lewis Gomez during 9-11? I mean, I would roll a play from 97 to the other day on a Chelsea Piers on a roller roller blades We lose Gomez or 9-eleven. I mean Lewis did
Do what time Lewis up any board?
He met us at the old stand we're going to get some eat like when it west side of town
Yeah, and he goes I can beat you there in a cab. We're like
No, you can't he goes I can't like
Fucking skits off so fast
helicopter go and he fucking skips off so fast. We're lying. We see him. We see him. He goes. We have to get the cab. He has to turn around. And then we see him. He's still like half a mile He goes, I beat you. Boring. Sweating.
Okay, congrats.
Me and Louis, we were pennyboarding around and we got mushrooms.
Explain what a pennyboard is.
Pennyboard is like a skateboard for homosexuals.
But it's this little skateboard, it's way more sturdy, but it's a tiny little platform.
They have a nickel board, it's more of a longboard version.
And we were high on mushrooms, we went to Washington Square Park, we went to the east
side in the middle, and it's slightly downhill.
So we'll just do one kick, we go all the way around the circle, you can go on it twice
just on that momentum, and then go all the way to the other and a kick or two you just keep going around all the skater kids
like can we try that they try to do flips on everything it was almost
impossible we were skating around on mushrooms over and over again I saw an
undercover cop because I was doing it for so long yeah I just saw this guy
baseball cap dressed like a child must have he had a mustache, a thick mustache,
and then at some point he had to test his mic.
This is what I figured out,
because he was just sitting there for a while on the bench
waiting to see drugs to catch it,
and he just goes, here I am, just sitting here,
just sitting here, here I am, just sitting here,
sitting here, and I was like, oh my God, what the fuck?
I do, I miss the city, I do like, oh my god!
I do, I miss the city. I do like that part of it. It was exciting. It's so fucking fun.
Shit's going on all the time. Go to you.
Testing, testing.
Dude, the fact that we're in Cuba right now in a hurricane, no electricity, we have... It's getting hot.
It's getting hot.
Tonight's gonna suck.
Tonight's gonna suck.
Tonight is gonna suck.
Tonight is gonna suck.
We can't even open the fucking windows.
Because of the rain.
No, because of the people that might come in and kill us.
Oh, yeah.
I'm opening my window.
I've got the courtyard view.
Oh, fuck.
Open your window.
At least do the slats.
We have slats?
Yeah, slats on the windows.
Like those slats.
Oh, the shutters.
Shutters, yeah.
Yeah.
They had to install.
That's for UB Tripp.
You have to go to UB Tripp and fit out.
You have to go to UB Tripp.. You have to go to UV Tripping.
Oh, I guess back here it's better.
Yeah.
I sit back here.
But you're a hand talker, so you cover my face a lot
with your, what you talk about.
What are you talking about?
I don't do anything like that.
Right there, stop, freeze.
Look, see?
Roll it back.
Oh, your fucking dog hand smells like shit.
I'll find that.
Cigars and whatever, all that.
Oh my God.
Do you see how I gotta find a fridge magnet.
Try to find a fridge magnet every new country I've been to.
Just something to get me moving.
I saw 100 of them.
I know.
I figured out which one I'm gonna get.
Cause I tried to do it by the experience.
So in Paris, the most obvious one was Eiffel Tower.
This is, you'd be trippin'.
But it's not about this trip.
Okay, go ahead.
So, but I was like, I didn't go to Eiffel Tower.
It wasn't part of my experience.
I had to find the right one.
So I was there for two weeks, so I was like,
let me find it, I found it finally.
It was a bunch of wines.
Cause I drank a shit load of wine there.
Oh, no shit.
I saw a cigar once in Cuba.
It does look cool with Che Guevara's face or something,
or Fidel's face on the Cuban flag.
Also could be cool, but just,
I just wanted to do a smoke.
I wanna get the same one, do you mind?
I, here's why I don't mind. And I I should turn sideways for this so you know that I mean
it so you can see my genetic problem. I'll turn front ways. Okay because it's
two for a dollar. Two dollars, two, how many paces is that? thousand? No, it's thirty thousand. Wow.
Three thousand. Yeah. Let me ask you a question.
The, um, I think I forgot what I was going to say.
Oh, that was what I was going to say. I taught you my game that we've been playing.
Is that your trip podcast?
We can do it here dude, I've been playing this game for 20 years really 20 years. I've been playing it's called the what game and
You have to get the person to say the word timeout, okay, well I'm explaining
I agree to that or not? No, I don't agree to it.
It takes two to timeout.
It does take two to timeout.
Okay, so the game is you have to get the person to say W-H-A-T.
That doesn't count.
You have to get them to say W-A-H-T, but you have to get them to say...
And what if they say that?
Then you say one nothing.
I didn't say one nothing.
But it's not like you add the points up,
it's always one nothing.
It's just one nothing.
It's an annoying game that makes people
always have to listen to what you're saying
and have to respond in a certain way, right?
Yeah.
So, I got you into that game, I think, the first night.
In Miami.
Was it Miami or was it...
It was Miami.
I got you into it and then, you've been so into it
and I love it when you, I hear people do it,
I wanna play that fucking game.
Who does that?
Dorks, losers, homosexuals, communists.
Three, that was good, good job, bang. But yeah, like people don't think communists. Three, that was good. Good job.
Bang.
But yeah, like people,
don't think too big.
It was four.
Yeah, four's good too.
Okay.
Well you do it fast.
Okay.
If you did it slow, it would've been too much.
Fuck hookers.
Fuck hookers.
Fuck hookers.
But we've been playing this game all day,
every day, since we've been here.
And you know, I tell you this,
you know what it does?
It's bad to catch people on it so play.
You know what it does? What does it so you know it does What is it?
You gotta end your sentences with nothing every time you're about to say the word well
W a wh at yeah, you have to go
You know how you got mad at me because I was being a community member here
and people were out of sugar?
And you were yelling at me
because I think our neighbors are sugar.
No, here's the thing.
What you are is that you're,
you want to be a part of these communities.
You want to be a part of everything.
You don't want to be, you so don't want to be a tourist.
You so want to just be like
I'm one of you. Well, yeah, I see somebody asking for sugar. I'm like see
We're we're guests and we have a host and we even know said you're gonna apologize for this and you are.
I'm just saying that you're gonna apologize.
We're drinking coffee every day.
I predict you're gonna apologize.
We're drinking coffee every day.
Every day we have coffee.
In the morning, during the day, we come home, we cook it on the little percolator they have.
It's great.
We have a little cup, we'll smoke a cigar.
To have the coffee. We have the coffee cup, we'll smoke a cigar. To have the coffee. I'm just showing the percolator.
Okay?
We have the coffee.
That's what we're cooking on.
I love it.
Percolate's so great.
It's so good.
It's great coffee.
Yeah.
And you said today,
Yeah?
when we were out there,
they needed sugar and you gave them,
what is that?
Real Cuban coffee.
You can't find that anywhere.
We had coffee Bustela and I was like,
no, bypass, pay the extra 500.
Pesos.
Yeah.
Which is a dime.
And I said what?
And I said what?
One of them, one of them, one of them, one of them.
Damn it.
Wow.
Damn it.
Oh my God.
God damn.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh yes, that felt so good.
Ah.
Fuck.
I'm telling ya.
What did I say?
What happened?
You said.
What happened?
You said, you said, they needed sugar.
I gave them my sugar.
And I'm like, why did you give them my sugar?
Because they needed it.
I go, well, why don't you give them some of it
and keep some for us?
So, cause we drink coffee and here's why he did it,
because he's not drinking, he's not having sugar.
So he was selfishly thinking, I don't need it,
I'm just drinking the coffee regular,
I'm not doing sugar, I do the sugar, okay?
So you selfishly gave my sugar away.
I would say ours.
What would you have done?
I would have gave them,
I would have scooped sugar out for us
Yeah into a cup and then gave them the sugar or vice versa and gave them the sugar and if they needed more
I would have gave them more but I would have kept some for us
Yeah, maybe that's the way to do it. It's a hundred percent the way to do it
What do you mean? Maybe that's the way to do it. Why should we be without sugar?
Their place we need sugar
It's their place. We need suga.
You can try to do it again, didn't you?
Suga.
A sugar.
A suga.
A sugar.
A sugar.
Yeah.
I need a sugar.
I need a sugar.
I need a sugar.
Yeah.
We need suga.
And you gave away a suga.
And it's like stupid.
When you didn't have to give the whole suga away, you could have one. I got one. Yeah. Um, I got one. Um, okay.
So in the musical, uh, sugar drugs, sure.
Because it was like so powerful and interesting. Yeah. You keep white drugs,
like it every day.
I got one. I got one. Okay. I got one. Okay. Okay. Okay. You ready? Okay. I didn't have
one.
Roll threes or nothings.
So yeah, I was mad at you because you gave away the sugar.
Buddy, I couldn't imagine anyone I'd rather be here with than you.
Yeah, me neither.
You're willing to go for it. Yeah. When you get cranky, you don't let it progress.
You wanna laugh off a crank.
I remember when we were on Bushcraft Party Boys
and I was so fucking mad because I couldn't set my tent up.
Remember that?
Before we saw the coyote.
First of all, you were mad because I was,
I set my tent up quickly.
I helped Joe set his tent up
and then you got mad at me because I was not.
You're like, come on, alright, bye.
I'm not gonna fuck with you.
I was just at the end of my robe.
I was at the end of my rope.
But, take a lesson from you.
Yeah.
An hour later, I was like,
hey guys, I was way out of line, I'm sorry.
I was cranky.
I was cranky, I was hungry.
We just hiked the wrong way.
Yes, it's called making amends.
Yeah.
It's called taking an inventory.
And when you can take an inventory
and then just say,
I fucked up, you're done, it's over.
If not, you build it and you keep it.
And then you're angry all the time.
And I was angry for a long time, many years, very angry.
And I don't like it anymore.
But I'm gonna let the sugar go, the sugar.
I'm gonna let it go,
cause I'll just go buy some sugar tomorrow.
Asugar.
Asugar.
It's like you have to understand,
sometimes you gotta roll with the punches.
So like, if I wanted to go, I don't know, whatever,
I wanted to do something, whatever it is,
whatever, fly a kite, I wanna go fly a kite.
And you're like, oh, fuck,
I'm supposed to bring this fucking thing
and I forgot to pack it,
or this guy's distracting me
and you wanna take it out on him. But then at some point you point you realize oh this guy has a kite and it's not as good right
I wanted my kite, but your kite will do like you do Right now, we have cigars yeah we have
coffee mm-hmm we have water we have some food scene scene means without what
don't we have so got a Yeah, that's pretty close.
We have no Suga.
But we got our lives. We got our lives.
We did survive a category.
Don't want to say it.
Put it down, because it's for you be trippin'. You be trippin'. You be trippin'.
And
and we're only day two and a half. Yeah such are two nights. It feels like
I slept great to walk around all day. We were walking around 50 miles a day. Yeah, probably
I mean we wake up and go I mean so I have blisters
You know what? We're gonna go told us about the community
Santiago the big long walk you did. Yeah I don't know, but we're gonna do a told us about the, can we go to Santiago?
The big long walk you did?
Yeah.
We gotta do that.
30 day from France,
all the way to the western most tip of.
I would do that.
Finest area.
I would do that.
Max is getting older now,
but you know what, I would definitely bring Max here.
That would be a great father, son trip, Cuba.
You'd bring him here.
I'd stay at this casa.
I'd stay here. I'd stay here. I would
stay here. I would come back here. That's cool. The breakfast they give you is great.
The family's great. The casa's on the, it's like literally a block radius of the best
block in Havana. And you wanted to stay in a shittier place. Yeah, I went to San Bernardo
and that was wrong. Wrong. Yeah, it was a joke. Although we were halfway there today,
it was definitely more authentic,
but we would have wanted to come here.
All the people that are like,
well, it's cost too much, cost too much in that area.
It's like, yeah, yeah,
but still nothing's as expensive as New York.
So no matter where you go, it's a bargain.
I'm a little worried about this.
About what?
About nothing.
I am a little worried about because I'm pretty sure it was a certain amount but
I hope it wasn't that amount a day it can't be which amount today like what I
paid for this for the from Monday to Saturday?
The whole thing?
I'm hoping it's for the whole thing.
I'm pretty sure it is.
I'm 90.
I thought it was like 60 a day, something like that.
I thought it was like 78 a day.
But when you book like a whole week, it goes cheaper.
Bobby said we should, he goes,
let's book all week.
I'm like, but we're only going for four nights.
He goes, but you get a bargain.
Like, no, you get a 10% bargain,
but you don't book four extra days.
You were like, let's book a whole month.
That was you.
You said let's book a whole month.
I did not say that.
You said it straight to me.
I did not say that.
I was there, I specifically remember.
Tell them your line.
I specifically remember.
I was doing DW Brown from Fast Times at Ridgemont High,
great acting teacher.
That's his name.
Yeah, dude.
And we had a acting class up there.
It was right next to the Thursday Promenade, above it.
And everyone would come down.
So a lot of comedians would go there.
Freddie Soto went there, Eleanor.
I think one of these days, Simone, like Black.
And there was a show right downstairs.
So we'd come down and hang with the comics.
And G.W. Brown would come down.
Steve Simon, all these guys who loved A.D.'s movies.
They just saw him and they'd go,
ah, he's like, what's him?
Really?
Yeah.
Wow.
Trying to set me up, aren't you?
No.
You're thinking of what to say?
I was.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, I was.
It's fun when you can see a guy trying to do it too,
and you can see them going, oh,
but Bobby doesn't say, he goes,
mm, and I fail for it once or twice.
But now all it's done is,
if I can't hear you fully,
like if there's music or any loud noise,
I'm just ignoring you.
I don't go repeat that, because I know it's nothing.
Pardon me?
This game does teach you proper English.
Pardon?
I do, pardon.
Nobody, this has been great.
Yeah, it's a great, so far so good, even though we're in the middle of a fucking hurricane. Yeah. I mean, this has been great. Yeah, it's a great, so far so good,
even though we're in the middle of a fucking hurricane.
Yeah.
I mean, this is crazy.
And the thing is, also, you can't...
We might not get out of here.
Yeah.
That's a crazy, here's the thing.
You can't use your money here, you can't use your...
So a lot of places you go...
Credit cards, you can't use your credit cards.
You can use your money.
You can use your money, but a lot of places you go...
I can't wait.
You don't take a shitload of money out here, you do. A lot of places you go, I can't wait to do this. You don't take a shitload of money out here, you do.
A lot of places you go, Paris, whatever,
you take a little of time, right?
You keep withdrawing dollars.
Right.
Like AWD.
Laughter Can you keep withdrawing dollars is probably the best.
But you didn't bring a lot of money.
I brought Canadian.
You brought fucking Canadian.
You're such a chidrull.
You really are.
It's like, well, the exchange rate says bring a little more.
They're like, oh no, but we don't want those.
Nobody wants Canadians.
Since I was fucking a kid. Smells like maple syrup. I used to more. They're like, oh no, but we don't want those. We're gonna give you less. Nobody wants Canadians. Since I was fucking a kid.
Smells like maple syrup.
It smells like maple syrup.
Canadian quarters, I used to throw them away.
Dude, we were in Pittsburgh once, me and Rogan.
Went to a strip club.
Seth Rogan, he was in Fast Times at Richmond High.
Right, no he wasn't.
He was in Big Harry back.
He was not in South.
Joe Rogan.
Joe Rogan.
We were in Pittsburgh at a strip club
and the DJ comes on with the DJ voice
because Pittsburgh,
I believe, especially back then, now it's like more hipster, it was trash, real people.
Yinsers.
And we just heard the DJ go, gentlemen, please stop throwing quarters at the ladies.
So I was fucking whipping him.
That's funny. Patrice used to play closest to the pole. some guy was fucking with him.
Patrice used to throw, he used to play closest to the pole.
He'd try to like launch it like a carnival game?
He'd roll them up into dolla, roll the dollabills up into balls and throw them at the pole.
Ignore the ladies and just like, just use his carnival gear.
He would just throw closest to the pole.
Oh my god.
And he'd get so excited, he'd be like, yeah!
And she'd have to go pick up these wriggled up balls of dollabills.
Close to the pin.
Yeah.
Well, that's about it, man.
I guess we're going to go out there.
Something's going to happen.
He knocked on the door.
Yeah.
Am I?
Is something going to happen with me?
No, you'll be there and witness it.
Stuff you can't do, Bobby.
Okay, but here's the thing. No, No, you'll be there and witness it Stuff you can't do Bobby. Okay, but here's no
Okay, I believe that's enough I you know for me not being part of that. Yeah, I'm pretty cool with it
No, but you know, it doesn't like you don't feel ever feel I haven't said like I'm gonna go with a sober guy
Yeah, but it's nicer because I'm get drunk and I want someone sober get me back
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and you're not a bad drunk. No, no
I get sleepy at best I get happy you get happy but you do get it more adventurous
Which is scary at 1 30 in the morning and you want to go walk around a little bit my first night here
But I don't really know what's dangerous, what's not. It was dangerous.
Yeah, it was dangerous.
It was dangerous.
Yeah, we were even out there.
All right, you be trippin'.
Yeah, you be trippin'.
You be trippin'.
Fuckin', we have no cigar.
All right, let's go out there.
I would love a cup of coffee.
But I'm not gonna have it
because I gotta go ask for my cigar.
We're wrapping this up, right?
Yeah.
I believe I said there will be an apology coming.
This is the cigar you left with us?
This much?
Also.
This much, this much you left you left bro that was this much
well scoops this much you didn't you why didn't you give them this you know how
much that is bro it was half of it it's so much okay I'm sorry Sorry. Apology accepted. Thank you.
Don't blow the key. If the episode's over, then it doesn't count as a slap.
What?
One other.
No!
No!
Ow!
Fuck, dude!