Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #564 | Corey B & KP Burke | Content Creators

Episode Date: December 8, 2024

This week on YKWD Corey B & KP Burke come on to talk about history, becoming a content creator, and Bobby calls out Corey for not sending him free cookies. Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Support the show and start your free Hims visit today at https://www.hims.com/YKWD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD.

This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, how are you I'm ruining this. Where's the bar banner, man? Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show?

This is the original. The original. Welcome everybody, it's Robert Kelly. We're above the world famous comedy cellar in the Comedy Cellar Studios doing another episode of YKWD. It's Christmas time, it's cold out, the homeless people have boogers in their nose and no shoes on their feet in New York City. We've got a great guest today, two great guests. We're doing a duet guest. Thank you.

We just clapped hands. Yeah, don't ever do that again. Sorry. I just threw up in my mouth. You guys high five. From us or Danny? No, you because you did it like cheerleaders. Sorry dude.

Hey man, we're on the show, relax. KP Burke and Cory B are here. KP of course, one of my friends who I've known for a long time, who has a brand new book out. Thank you, Bobby. Which I started reading. What? Yeah.

I'm very... I don't know if that what was like, you read or... Really? I've been called so many names for writing a book lately. I wasn't prepared for that. You touched me just now. Yeah, dude, I read your book. I'm very excited to get it.

I have a new, I call it my study. Oh. I have a study. It's a rich people shit. Yeah. Well, and Cory B., you don't have a book. No, no, no, no, I don't. I wish I did.

What kind of book is it? It's a history book. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, you just fucking tuned out. You want to take a book. No, no, no, no, I don't. I wish I did. What kind of book is it? It's a history book. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, you just fucking tuned out. You wanna take a high five back? Does it have pictures in it? It sure does. Okay, I'm back in.

I'm back in, dude. Look at him. Do you think he wrote a whole book? He's a history. It's fucking 80 pages. It's 75. 75, 75 pages. Someone said congrats on your pamphlet to me the other day.

God damn, that one hurt. I mean, it is a thin book, that's why I picked it up. But it came in this beautiful package. And it had a couple of things, like stickers in it. It had a candle. Not a candle, we didn't do that to you. Yeah, you sent me a candle. Did it really have stickers?

There were stickers. Is this a Lisa Frank book? What kind of book is this? You have to know your audience. That's the key, you know? So I was like, how do we get this? First of all, I kind of just assumed it was gonna be Max's Christmas present under the tree.

I thought we were just gonna regift that. So I'm very honored that you're reading the book. First of all, I like my kid. Yes. No. I'm not gonna give him a book from K.P. Burke. That's right. I thought he liked me.

He loves you. He uses your backpack you gave him all the time. So we're talking military before I gave, I gave his son one of my Navy back. Oh hell yeah. Yeah. You want to do a high five again? You're fucking whipped up cheerleader. Come on. If you want that one back, he's got, no, it's all right. I'm sorry. I'm jacked up dude. Sticker books. It's crazy. I can't stand your influencer energy. Dude stickers. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm just jacked up dude, sticker books, it's crazy. I can't stand your influencer energy. Dude, stickers? Yeah, I'm gonna fly in a plane, first class coach,

and then I'm gonna fly business. Listen, I'm kidding, but you are an influencer. Yeah, yeah. You made, I mean you get 10 million followers. No, I'm, yeah, I wanted to play, yeah, yeah. I don't like to say influence, I like to say content creator. I just create, I don't want to influence people to do anything, you know what I mean?

All right, I'm sorry. I do gay hand claps and talk about sticker book and I got horrible energy. When did they, you have great energy, which to comedians is horrible. But you do stand up now too, right? How long you doing stand up? I just stand up before the pandemic

and I really got going doing shitty open mics like Danny does and then uh, I'll just throw Danny out of the bunch. The one guy that got him on the show No, I started doing it I got going I was gonna have my first headlining show at carolines because they wanted to make money Off me not because I was good And um, and then the pandemic happened and it kind of went to shit and everyone started doing Zoom comedy. Remember that, how helpful that was?

You didn't do it. No, you know. Hero, hero. You got to study so you can kiss my ass. And so. I would rather beg for change than to fucking look at a bunch of people like the Brady Bunch going, oh.

So I got tricked into doing that. Everyone's on mute. You're telling jokes. You're not seeing any. So was the word. I did two of those. Can I give you a little thing as a professional comedian? You know what you need when you tell jokes?

Laughter. Yeah. Yeah, it's called timing. How do you do it? Yeah. How do you do something when people are just staring at you? Yeah, well, a paycheck. But still.

What kind of paycheck? It was like $50. Listen, man, the next time that happens, if we go to call me I'm gonna give you 50 just to save your soul it's screaming into the void you just fill out the form and get the 10-grade from the government something I needed to do no yeah I get I get that now and hindsight's 2020 but so that I started doing it again no you're not wearing glasses your site is 2020 now. Is it? Yeah. Great eyes. He sure does.

He really does. Um, so you so then you started doing food videos during a pandemic. What the food videos explain these to people? What is your what's your is where is Instagram? Instagram, TikTok, all the where did it pop? Tiptoe, TikTok, pop first. Yeah. I was big on Facebook. I did Facebook back when Vine was a thing. I did it pop? TikTok? TikTok? TikTok popped first. Yeah, yeah. I was big on Facebook.

I did Facebook back when Vine was a thing. I did like a relationship skits and videos and whatnot. That kind of blew up. It got me like 3 million followers. But during the pandemic, people were like making food and doing all kinds of crazy hacks and shit and making banana bread.

And I was like, oh, that looks crazy. Let me recreate a video and do it. And I did it and it blew up. And there was like one of me ruining a rug with ragu and like pouring beer on the ragu because apparently that can clean Sauce off a rug and it didn't work and people like that's so funny And I was like okay, and I just kept doing it and I'm still doing it and and people love it How many views do you get like on a video on a like at least a couple million 1.5?

I must throw up in my mouth 40 million. I've been working as a comic for 30 years I think I got 10,000 likes on a... Oh man, come on man, I got you dude. We'll do a collab post. I'll suck your dick with my girl on it. I'll put a beer in my asshole. All right man, don't make promises you can't keep. This is me putting a beer in his asshole.

I saw the last show, you and my friend Marcus was here, you guys made out. We didn't make out, we kissed. This is a progressive show. Big difference. All right. Big difference. It was a out we kiss That's a big difference. All right big Difference and it was a good it was a good kid. It was a good well cuz cuz he didn't I didn't believe me I taught him how to give it was a great kiss. Yeah, dude. Go ahead. I'm like too. All right I'm behind you being a Navy man know about come on it. No, we don't see there. It is a little more KP hates it

Didn't know I hate it till I made it i brought it to his den now he's like oh i got a high five i want like a louder sound from it i have a book i gotta sell 10 million stickers and a candle i'll high five i'm not sucking his dick with red goo but i'll high five him so that's that's pretty it's wild though when that happened, you kissed a dude and I feel gay right now? He didn't clap his hand afterwards. I got no problem with it. All right, I'm not hiding. Understood. Let's get back to your book.

History. Yes, sir. Go. I thought you were saying something. The cough means Danny is going to lead you outside now Mr. Bird. Gosh, I'm off already? Ah, no. Ahem!

We wrote a book, man. You got a book, history. Ahem, Danny! What kind of history? There's a lot of history. What's the history? So we focus on American stuff. Oh, I know what I wanted to say to you.

Yes, sir. Before you get into your book, we keep interrupting you. The whole time this is going to be a promo that never happens. We just keep going back. He's got a book, go check it out. Find it. But it's the name of the book. Don't worry about the name. Anyway, back to you. Influencing. I'm sorry. What is it called again? Content creator. I like that. That's a better name than influencer.

Influencer sounds pretentious. I like influencer because I like to influence people with my content creations. I actually go by influencer content creator. Influencer comedian? I make it long. You gave me this big package, it came in the mail. It's a package, beautiful box, and then you open it, there's all kinds of stuff in it with the book.

It came with stickers. What did the stickers say? So Carly made a bunch of those. That's my girlfriend, does all this stuff for me. She, what'd you get? You got a couple specific ones, because we catered it to you. Yeah, I know.

That's right, it's a curated package. Yes, it is, it's nice. What'd you get? We gave you an Edgar Allan Poe one, right? We gave you a lighter, the old school Zippo. Yeah, I love it. All right, we did that one. And then I don't know what the stickers,

stickers might have been. Something about America? American Zippo. Yeah, I love it. All right, we did that one. And then I don't know what the stickers, stickers might've been. Something about America? American Scoundrel. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, what does that mean? So American Scoundrel is this dude, Dan Sickles, we wrote about in the book.

Okay. He is like, he's pretty much the greatest piece of shit in the history of America. Why is he a piece of shit? Everything that he did is historical and all for the wrong reasons. He, let's see, first of all, he's the first guy to ever get away with pleading temporary insanity

for a murder charge. Really? And it's because he shot the guy that was banging his wife in front of the Capitol building. Really? And he was a congressman. Really? Then after that, he took his wife back

and then the public's like, oh. What, wait, what, what? Yeah, his life makes no sense. She went back with him after he killed her lover? Correct. Is this gonna be a Lifetime movie? should be it really it'd be the greatest lifetime movie ever It would be like the Boston Strangler one You gotta spice it up a little these content greeners have really they're used to six-second things. Here's the best part Okay, here's what?

The guy that was banging his wife was the son of the author of the Star-Spangled Banner No way. 100% true. Francis Scott Key's son got killed in DC. And you see my wife getting banged. Banged up, banged up by another dude. Thanks Danny. Danny will laugh at fucking a turtle. I like him. Turtles are funny. And then after that then he lost his leg at Gettysburg because he led his men into battle before he was supposed to. Had his leg preserved in a pickle barrel and it's his bone is on display. Oh yeah, then he battle before he was supposed to had his leg preserved in a uh... pickle barrel and it is bonus on uh... display cool perot then he started he was the emperor the carolinas for a little bit yet his leg pickles

yes what is your wish for it days ago we only have that high cedar but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that

that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that He sent his leg to be preserved, then he got a job as the Emperor of the Carolinas. And then after that- What? Were you at Emperors? Yes. It's crazy. He was in post-Civil War, it was like warlord stuff. So he was put in charge of the Carolinas because we couldn't trust them to not rebel again. I thought you said you read this book.

I read the first couple pages. I started reading it at Sherlock House. You know us creators. I know. Sorry, why don't you go get some sauce? Go ahead. Then he started banging the deposed Queen of Spain and then tried to get the United States to invade Spain on her behalf. Oh really?

Yes. Then there's no statue for him at Gettysburg because he embezzled the money for it. He was just like a legendary scumbag. Wow. This is all on one leg so don't tell me you can't do shit. You know what I mean? Are you talking to your fans? The people? I just turned into a motivational speaker. I want you to know.

He was looking at me like a camera. Let me tell you, this guy picked up his leg and he fucking. I'm Gary V now. Don't tell me you can't do stuff, guys. You could go to yard sales with one leg and you could pick up baseball cards and sell for $20 a pop Mmm, that would work, too You ever seen a Gary Vee? I did. Okay. Well I got it

I bet you follow his rules, too. I bet you have some of his things that helped you out Let me so so this guy so how'd he die? What happened to him? He died of old age Fuck you everything that he went he was in his late 80s Let me ask so so this guy so how'd he die? What happened to him? He died of old age fuck you Everything that he went he was in his late 80s Wow, I had like a huge parade in New York for him when he died really was gonna float cuz he couldn't walk That's see that would do it Put him in a float that would work so he was a piece of shit his whole career He was the worst so before he even got he cheated on his wife all the time, too

So the fact that she cheated on him and he freaked out was a little bit hypocritical Yeah, why? Well, cuz he was why do I have to explain morals or maybe explain manhood to me? Say right on Bobby I like this is the part you'd love this is the best part. He brought a famous whore with him that we had this Well, we have Don't actually we don't have famous whores now. We have famous whores now. We don't have famous whores. Cardi B. Riley Reid.

Riley Reid's a porn star. And she's not doing anything. That's not a whore. Because they didn't have the movies back then. A whore is somebody you pay to fuck. That's a prostitute. We do not have famous prostitutes. Cardi B was a prostitute. She was not. She was a stripper.

No, no. She was a prostitute. Not a full-time. Yeah, but that's... Nah, we can't take half not a full-time. Yeah Take half time. I didn't do it during the pandemic a little bit She just think this bread had a side bread business She had a side she was just prostitutes and giggles next to the pickle barrel. No, it's about passion What so she was a famous prostitute? What was her name fanny britainon or something like that? I know Fanny! Do you really?

I know her cousins. That'd be funny if she still had Fanny Britt, fucking the fifth, you can fuck her. Oh, that'd be great. Okay, that was. Is that why they got the name Fanny Pack? That was long-winded. See, I wouldn't mind that.

You should've let me bomb and then you bombed. You saved my bomb. We're talking about war, dude. We're all bombing, all right? Stupid Fanny Pack joke. Was that the Fanny Pack? All right, go ahead. Oh, well, he brought this famous whore around and introduced her to the Queen of England, but introduced her as his wife.

Really? I'm sorry, his rival's wife's name. So it would be like if Trump met, like when he met the Queen or something like that, he goes, oh, by the way, here's, it's Riley Reed. And he goes, oh, and by the way, this is Hillary Clinton. Really? That's how, the guy had a sick sense of humor. You know he do that. Is this Hamilton? Would he be? It would be even better, man. It's the way, this is Hillary Clinton. Really? That's how, the guy had a sick sense of humor. You know he'd do that.

Is this Hamilton? Would he be? It would be even better, man. It's less black, less black than Hamilton. The other. Oh, oh, are we, oh, I'm sorry, we're on air. We're the five black listeners. We're sorry.

Hamilton's a dream. It's nothing historical. Or a fever, really. A fever dream? Listen. A jungle fever dream. Oh my god. Clip it.

So let me ask you a question. Yes, sir. So if this guy was around today, who would it be? Like, Hunter Biden, who would he be? He puts Hunter Biden to shame. So is there anybody around like him now? There's a couple interesting guys. I think they're all, this is pre-NDA, right?

You couldn't sign a non-disclosure agreement. So I think like these guys- Now you had to tell somebody you had to get a horse. Oh yeah. That- Hear ye, hear ye. He fucked my mother, ye. Oh dude, he got away with murder though. There's a lot of crazy guys that got away with stuff

too. A lot of people, that's what we wrote the book about. We thought everybody gets part of the story for history. They only get like the little, you know, I'm not ripping up it. They got like a six second version of history and like the history of books and then, you know, you don't know what the hell to do with that. So they wind up skipping over all the good shit. We were like, Oh, what happened to this guy after that? And you're like, Oh, this, his life is terrible. He's an awful person. Why are we celebrating him with a day? This is going to be a series. You can have an old series. You should have a series.

I do my Instagram. Series again. Is that how you make stuff happen? Saying it three times. Is it going to be a series? You should have a series. This should be a series. It's that very positive visualization. Put it on your board. He's really influencer. Welcome back. Welcome back to the roast of Cory everyone. I apologize. It can't be worse than a zoom show. You're not used to people talking back. Yeah, I was at your last show. What the fuck? That was too far Cory. You stepped up. What the fuck

That was too far Cory you stepped up So look it I got the book I'm very as I get older I've been getting into history a lot So I'm like like YouTube's I'm watching it's terrible. I feel like an old man. I just watched like 15 Documentaries on World War two how it started. Oh, it's creepy. Now, Japan was the first ones to start it. They invaded China and Japan. I mean, if we let them go, China would be Japan right now. Would that be a bad thing, though?

That's the other question. There's a lot of, history gets weird. It's half the blue hair people want to cancel most of it and then the conspiracy people like to hijack it. Right. So we're trying to just tell the real story and then you make up your mind from there. It's a choose your own adventure. This started with you and your father.

Yes, sir. During the pandemic. No, it was before that. I'm not even kidding. I'm not. This is close to a thing I've ever had. We had a meeting with History Channel and then they said,

we really like what you guys are doing. We think it's great. And then the pandemic happened. I remember when we got the phone call, they were like, oh, you're going to the second round of pre-development, which apparently means something good. I didn't know what it happened. I remember when we got the phone call they were like, oh you're going to the second round Of pre-development. Yeah, which apparently means something good. I didn't know what it meant I had no success prior to this with anything and then Kobe Bryant's helicopter went down and then Ari made a joke, correct?

And then comedy went to shit and they're like essentially that too. So Ari should be a ruin your chance That probably wasn't great either, but you should have for some fucking regular rugged said that i don't know what i did for a while transition of part of that uh... but i was a bit to be a whole drew a union data working on his friend is amazing project sweet story and this fucking twink through a fucking sauce and a red and i try to clear that we're here to crack it and i threw sauce on her but really yet legit no shit really that was a crackhead and I threw sauce on her. Was he really? Yeah, legit. No shit. Really?

Your dad was a crackhead? Yeah. Well, uh, you still talk to him? Is he alive? Yeah, yeah. I have to pay him his bills sometimes. Oh, really? He's still into it?

Yeah, he's not in the crack. No, no, no. He's off the crack now. What's he on now? Life. He's high on life. Is he sober? Yeah.

Oh, that's great. He smokes weed here and there, but. California's sober. That's what they call him. He smokes weed. That's a little blow a couple bumps everyone gets down take some Xanax It's always good. You know a little mad dog 2020 when it's called So so you you you friends with your dad? Yeah, we're not cool. We're not cool Like we're not damn friends, you know, I'm not gonna do a pilot on the history Yeah, we're not make it's canceled cuz Ari Shaffir makes a bad joke. Yeah, we don't talk about history We don't like the history. Yeah, your history is bad

Yeah Makes a bad joke. Yeah, we don't talk about history. We don't like the history. Yeah, your history is bad Yeah, bad history. You remember the time I fucking did blow up that fucking that famous hooker Everyone I wasn't allowed in the garage because you were doing crack with your friend. Jesus Christ. That was real He wouldn't let you in the garage He picked up Tyrone and Larry and we drove around and you played softball with them and I know why you look like a raccoon Oh Damn I'm giving you real things. You really are and it's shocking I didn't know why you look like a raccoon. Oh. Damn. I'm giving you real things. You really are and it's shocking,

but I do like your dad that he hangs out with a guy named Tyrone and Larry. He's diverse. Hang on, my dad's name is Larry. What the fuck? That'd be great if your dad was a meth head. That's where he gets ideas from. That's how he stays so skinny, man.

He's a tiny fella. So they took away your, they took it away, huh? Well, that and then when COVID happened, they they were saying like hey we're on we're holding off on everything we're not doing anything right now and you went why a very similar it's finally my time guys I don't have to be a plumber anymore and they're like no you you do you too I just quit my job where I was a central oh god to pursue my dreams full-time because you believed in me Robert I believe in you now you do I do I do. You still have a job though right? I do. Okay good. But um so you

quit plumbing you quit that job so you could go and do this. It was uh it was we were we really thought we had figured something out. I was banging a girl way out of my league too. I was like this this is my year and then and then someone then Lujan. Any girl you bang is out of your league. That's the beauty of being me Robert Kelly every single one. Carly's ridiculous. I mean, people think that she's an escort that I picked up. Buddy, when you show me a picture of your girls, I can't get the fuck out of here.

I mean, it's nuts. You gotta date women with kids. That's the key. Oh, what the fuck does that mean? See, they have no standards. That's what I'm saying. Oh, shit. That's why my girl's still with me, to be honest.

Why are you turning black? What's happening? Well, what the fuck Why are you turning black? What's happening? What the fuck's happening, motherfucker? Hell no. Why'd you turn into cat legs? I don't know, dude. What's going on, dude? I don't know much right now.

You turned into fucking... My dad was a crackhead. You turned into your dad's friend. Man, Larry, you motherfucker. How you gonna do a crack with my dad? You got a bag of chicken with kids, man. Your self-esteem's on the floor. Pick it up and stick it in your dick.

Oh, Jesus. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Larry, you motherfucker! How you gonna do a crack with my dad? You gonna bang a chick with kids, man! Your self esteem's on the floor! Pick it up and stick it in your dick! Oh, fuck!

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and important safety information. So what did they say? They just never came back to you? They said, we love what you guys are doing, but we're not making anything new right now. And then a show comes out yearly, similar to mine with Dan Aykroyd as the lead. Damn!

What's the show called? I think it was called the, the, the Unhapp, whatever. It was some weird mystical title that they went with. So they took your idea. Um, there's elements of it. Dan Aykroyd, Dan Aykroyd, Dan Aykroyd, I can't say that name right now. Yeah, they hurt me

with my favorite Ghostbuster. That's what was the worst part. He's your favorite? He was not your favorite? Come on, Bill Murray. When you saw that show, did you feel blue, brother? Wait, if you say Instance Edmore, blue, brother. You know, like, Bill Murray and the Ghostbuster

should be number one. No, he's the best, but I always thought he was my favorite as a kid. You know, that was my favorite guy. I loved him, loved him in everything that he did. And then when you're older, you'll finally understand and appreciate Bill Murray. Right, okay.

Also, I'm gonna light a candle for Ernie Hudson. Winston Zedmore was a good man. Yeah, he was a good guy. You know what I mean? He's better on Oz, but it is what it is. Let me ask you a question now. Yes, sir. So they never got back, they just said,

look, we're not gonna do something, and then you never went back to them, or you went back and they just weren't returning your calls? So my buddy who was the insider for me on that one goes, he goes, she's not even coming into work anymore. Oh, no. The fast track that he goes, they're not so COVID shut everything down. He goes, it's probably dead.

And then we try to revive it about six months later. And they said, yeah, we're just we're just not looking for anything right now. I'm sure they're great. They don't have the following that we need for it. And I was like, oh, okay, so I'm just gonna that that's that just means that I got an idea give you book to him See this is partner with him tell your dad to beat it hook your dad up with his dad You guys are being smart what I would fuck this up with, I would just be like,

Dad, listen, I just want you to pour ragu on something while we talk about the Lincoln conspiracy. Buddy, listen, it might work. It really might, man. We hit pay dirt with the Instagram reels though. That far it was hard. What's the Lincoln conspiracy? There's a conspiracy with Lincoln?

He's gay. Oh yeah, that's not a conspiracy, that's real. Why are you talking like that? What am I doing? I don't know. I don't know why I talk, I feel like that. What's going on? Be you. It's a, don't know me.

I don't know, Danny help me, what am I doing wrong? That's you, right there. Danny help me, what am I doing wrong? That's you, be that guy. No, I'm kidding, be you, be whatever you want. And, okay. Doing good my man. Okay, so you come up, now, be whatever you want. And, okay. Doing good, my man. Okay, so, you know, so you come up,

now when you come up with this idea, you do the reels, they start going nuts, right? Well, the reels we did, we filmed three of them, and then I had the seizure, and then when I came out of the hospital, I was like, I don't know. What the fuck? Yeah, this fucking kid. What is going on?

The seizure, it booked seizure, guys with no legs and pickle jars, what the fuck? What are you talking about? Your dad did crack crack in the rise You know they get fucking a hundred years something to be talking about your dad take it away from me You had a seizure are you up a little bit? No, he did tell him this is the weirdest part about this explain this God damn it So I

God damn it. So, I get a phone call from his, a text message from his girlfriend. Okay. That he's in the ICU, something happened, stop breathing, something like that, don't know what's going down, blah, blah, blah, blah. Now, look it, KP is a friend of my family. You know what I mean?

Like, he was, I always, these guys that I start taking around, and this is one of the guys, as soon what I mean? Like he was, I always, these guys that I start taking around and this is one of the guys, as soon as they kind of get their wings, they kind of fly off and I replace them with another young buck who needs whatever I can give, because I can't give much, but I give a little bit. I was told, it was because I couldn't edit video,

that's what I was told I was fired over. That too. But the thing is, I mean, come on man, with the times dude. Jesus Christ. But, you know, no, you had, you were middling, you started headlining your own shit. You were doing your own thing. And plus you were going to other headliners. You were working with other guys. These, you know what I mean?

It's not my fault that Danny and Joe can't fucking get out of the nest. It's like a mush around for Christ's sake. These guys bit their own wings off. What's hanging here? But, you know, he's still a big friend of the family. My son loves him, my wife loves him, and I'm panicking. I'm like, I can't believe he's in the ICU.

It's serious shit. And I'm trying to get a hold, I'm trying to be there. I'm calling the girl, anything, I'm worried. I want to go see him. I want to make sure that I'm trying to get a hold, I'm trying to be there, I'm calling the girl, anything, I'm worried, I want to go see him, I want to make sure that I'm there if they need anything, and all of a sudden, I think a day later, you come out, right, or two days later. I woke up a day later.

Day later he comes out, I'm like, what's up, blah, blah, blah, and then I'm like, okay, let him text me, tell him to text me when he's okay, and then I get, what do I get from you? I texted you. You texted me like, hey man, thanks. I'm good. Talk to you later. Some shit like that. Wow. Like, like I fucking give a, I, I, you know what I mean? I gave him like, Fuck that book.

I gave him inner circle fucking concern. Inner circle concern. Just outreach and everything. I got shit to do. And I gave him inner circle concern, and he gave me go fuck yourself, I'm breathing on my own again, and never called me back.

It was Christmas Eve, and I want you to know, I operate, similar to the way you were feeling just now, I operate with a healthy amount of fear of Robert Kelly at all times. Why? Huh? I was concerned. He amount of fear of Robert Kelly at all times. Why? Huh?

I was concerned. He kind of just, he kind of just... He kind of just did like... There's a little. Look at his hands. Wow. This guy has... He's not a fear of anybody. He's a plumber, dude. He's got good hands.

You're going to get the... Everybody knows the vibe of KP. No. He is a serial killer trying to be a nice guy. Mm-mm. He had... Look at him. Yeah. Look at... Look at his fucking eyes. He's already planned out how he'd snap your neck and fuck your skull and kill everybody in this room.

So stains on a rug. Talk to me about that first thing. Shaving cream. Apparently it's what they say. Shaving cream. That's your next video. Tune in. I, uh, so, so yeah, I was very, I was kind of like, what the f I was, I was like, what the f like not even a, Hey bro, I was very, I was kind of like, what the, I was like, what the, like not even a hey bro, thanks for calling, thanks for the concern. I'm like, look, and I'm an important guy. You know what I mean?

Remember where you came from. It fucked with my ego a little bit where I was like, look at me, I deserve more than this. You know what I mean? He gave me like Joe Russell concern. Fucking appreciation. Damn. Did uh.

Why didn't you never call me after that? Well, it was Christmas Eve when I got out. Okay. And that's a great time to Jesus's birthday. My healthy fear was I was like, he's going to be with his family. I don't want to get sent a voicemail right now. I just had a, it's got taken off of a breathing tube. I was like, I've been hurt enough.

That's horse shit. And you know it, you know it. I've been hurt enough. That's horse shit. And you know it. You know it. I've been hurt enough. Bullshit. It's bullshit. You didn't call me why. I don't want to steal. I don't want to steal this from you.

You said you read part of the book, right? A little bit. A little bit? Yeah. Did you read the intro? Yes, I did. Okay. So I'm in trouble now.

In a good way. Why? What'd you tell the people? Well, cause I love this guy. So I name dropped him in the book. Damn! I mentioned him first. First thing in there, I said I described what happened. I said I had a seizure and that's what led to me making these reels, which then led me making the book.

And everything like that. And then what I did is I also said, oh, and I had just gotten out of the hospital and even Bobby Kelly had called and I was like, I should go. This, what a dick! And I even said, I should this what a dick. And I said, even said, I said, I should really call him back. Yeah. The book and you just left him, just left him left me. Wow. Like in Dalma's like, is he okay? I'm like, I don't know what happened.

I don't know. And he never, I had to call him. Like, what the fuck? I think the next time you call me, Hey dude, you're going to be in Poughkeepsie. You mind if I jump on it? It was, did you imagine if he got some side splitters? Was it really? Yeah. He berated me in front of my mother. My mom came to Tampa to see the show and he berated me for like three minutes in front of her. Jesus. As he deserves. It was even she was on your side on that one. Of course. Here's the thing man. It's like, I was like truly like, hey man, he was on Death's Door. You were concerned about a friend.

His girl was crying, I almost mustered up a tear for this fat-headed mick. And then it was like, he's just, I'm good. And he used you as a blurb. He used me as a fuck-a-mole. In an intro, dude, in a prefix. You know what he also did, this is what he also did, which bugged me. This bugged me. Oh, this one's gonna be the, okay. You know what it is. I don't know if I know you. What do you think it is? What do I he also did? This is what he also did, which bugged me. This bugged me. Oh, this one's gonna be the... okay.

You know what it is. I don't know if I know you. What do you think it is? What do I think I did? You know what you did. Which... now I'm in... you're seeing actual fear now. You know what this is? This is actually... he's done so much shit behind my back.

Yeah, no shit. He doesn't go back. This... the realization's crazy. Yeah, what is it? None. Let's see. I served this country! I think I'm... Don't just say that. Just say that and get out, dude. He was fucking on a None. Let's see. I served this country. I think I'm just saying.

Don't just say that. Just say that and get out. He was fucking on a shit paint. Actually, it was even worse. I was taking the paint off. Yeah, I was in the sea cadets. I know what these queers do. It was like,

I felt like I was like, you know, I'm taking copper piping out of everything like that. What else? It was catalytic converters. No shit. Was it? So now here, this is the evolution of a comic by the way

So when you bring these young guys around they're very hey, man. Hey, but yeah, you really good And I keep my okay. Yeah, I can jump on and they take them on the run you Can I yeah, dude come on and you bring them all these clubs and my dream is that you know Hopefully that you do well enough that the club will be like, hey, you're funny too. Because I like to bring funny comics to clubs because, you know, the local guys are good, but sometimes they're not. And I like to bring a new guy in. The next guy, I think, could be the headliner, you know, stuff like that.

So I bring them to a couple clubs. I bring them to one of my favorite clubs, Side Spitters. Great club. The best. Absolutely. Down the street from Mons Viena. Oh, no, I know what I'm in trouble for now. I just figured it out Go ahead. All right. I think Joe's in trouble on this one, too. Why is Joe in trouble? Oh, no Hey bring the bus so perhaps Joe get on a mic you thin railed

Sheepshipper is this about our dear friend Erica the bartender at side splitters? Dug yourself a hole so there's more and you dug him a hole let me see here No, but they they did something very funny because I when I was you know when I do a club I usually especially sides, but as I walk around give every waiters waitress and waiter 20 at the end of the weekend. Bobby in Tampa is like Sinatra like. Everything that he does is it's the best weekend of the year. I'm not going to... don't think you're getting out of it. They'll call me Sinatra. Even though it really... It was very close. See? It was very close.

He's half Italian. We can get him that way. So I know KP's tricks. He'd compliment you and then there's something. So I had left. So I had the 20s in my pocket, but I had two ones in another pocket. And I actually walked up to the waitress at the bartenders who I love and I walked over. Hey, girls, thanks so much. And I hand. Well, you got no fucking improv skills. You just lie there. I'm going to hang. I mean, what the fuck, dude? Yes, you didn't do any improv on Zoom. This is what I do. This is what I do. If I worked Zoom? This is what I would do. This is what I would do.

If I worked there, this is what I would do. I would let you touch the ground. I'd be like, hey, man, hey, what's up? Hey, there you go. Thanks so much, girls. And I left. And I apparently gave him $2 bills. Cheap motherfucker gave me a dollar bill.

So you saw the video? Wow. No, we didn't see. Here's 10 million people. I'm improv-ing. What the fuck? Hey, I was with you. He fucking did.

Damn. What the fuck? Let's come up with a place we shouldn't be right now you having a seizure right now? don't get him nervous he gets black when he gets nervous damn what the hell? God damn why I'm improv-ing motherfucker that is what how do you think I got fucking 10 million followers I play the game

23 so 23 Danny what the fuck was that? I play the game! 23! So, Danny, what the fuck was that? Just let it happen. Let it happen. What is that? You gotta let it go. If he gets worse, if he acknowledges, He's about to hand you his Joker card from the bus scene.

He's autistic. I know that! You showed me a model train when I saw that. Yeah, exactly. So, I left, I didn't realize it. I felt terrible. So they made a fucking video. Of course, got likes off of it. They posted it on social media, because that's always fun.

Yeah. You know, I just brought you to a club, let both of you fucks work at a club. And you fucking humiliate me on social media, so you guys will get likes. So the girls are like, thanks for the doll, you know what I mean? And you fucking humiliate me on social media so you guys will get likes. So the girls are like, thanks for the dollar, whatever, I felt like garbage. Not only did you give them the dollar though, you slid over with the most confidence. Cause I gave them a 20 each.

And you walked away like you. I gave them a double bear each. You each got a dollar. You were Jimmy Conway in Goodfellas was in 20s not even a lot either but I did slide over like he has a G for you You're a non-drinker and you gave each bartender for the whole wait good good good Yeah, I gave everybody right so but I immediately venmo them each a c-note For you, it's a hundred. I I know. I'm not that old. I don't know, dude.

Your dad was a fucking crack at it. I hated plenty of C notes. Yeah. That's how he snorted his coke. So yeah, I felt like shit, but that's not it. That's not it. Now I'm struggling. So I got, I got,

now when you, Mike Kalure is my good friend. Great friend of mine. Love Mike Calture. From the radios out there. I did radio in Tampa, that's where I started. You did radio? On the Power Pig, 93.3 FLZ. Oh no shit, well who's that?

That was 93.3 FLZ. MJ in the morning and they had, yeah, they had, what's his name, Bubba the Love Sponge was on. Oh yeah, don't mention his name. Yeah, him'm done. I'm in Mike or not. We don't mention. Sorry. It's the name we never Anyways, so Mike's my number one best friend, but I you know bring course KP I bring you all these guys, you know, everybody but but Joe and mush and Danny have you been decides footage yet? No, but I would love to I hear it's a great club You're not going

You've been there yet good you're not gonna go There you go you definitely turn my mic out turn his mic I was trying to mute me. Yeah, we'll mute you Your fucking parents muted you at your face. So anyways, whatever now, like he can go down and he headlines, right? Yes, sir. Headlines, headlines. The club goes on the number one morning show, Mike Calton, my number one show go knows Mike

Hey, can I it comes on blah blah? This is all fucking through Me yeah sure is Bobby me no no no no no no no so I call in I gotta call in That day and KP's on too, so I have to call in Mike's like I want to talk about something So I'll call in whatever KP's on. So we do the shit. And then he doesn't know that I listen to the show every morning on my Echo 15. It's on YouTube and I listen to the show. Now, one thing you'll learn as a young comedian,

whenever you're on a show with other comedians and you call in or you leave or you hang up, you turn the show back on. Oh, absolutely. Because you got to hear what they're going to say about it. Absolutely, fucking lutely. You know what I'm saying? So then this fucking piece of shit.

This will be a new one, this will be a new one. So he's like, yeah, yeah, he's a good guy, blah, blah, blah. He throws a compliment. And then he says, yeah, you know, I mean, you got to, you know, you don't know what to hope for, you got to help him move Now I'm gonna say something I Recently got stomach surgery at the time. Okay, I had to go up country to my I had to take my whole family They're going for the whole summer. It's a week out of the surgery. I

Can take all the shit? I blah blah. I can't pick anything. I can't do anything. I really not supposed to pick up anything heavy or do anything. It's our first year at this tiny home. All this stuff has to be done. My wife can't do it. I got to fucking at the time a nine year old son. And the other people I know is Danny and Joe. Okay. This Danny that yeah, he ain't doing that. He can't. Not that he was. he can't not that he was any it's just labor physical labor I don't think he can't pick things up if I if I had a open I could if I had open this I'd have to ask you I can pick up mattress so anyways you say matches he said. Your ass in my face. Come on, content creating right

here. So I, KP is the only, you know, at the time, he's a fucking strong dude. And you know, whatever. And I was like, and I said, why don't you come up with me, right? We did we have shows that weekend too, right? Yes. No, not that weekend. This was uh you asked me we were in Atlantic City and you asked me to go up there and do that with you. I said dude can you help me? I'm I get you know you help me out I need somebody to blah blah blah I'll put you up I'll fuck and blah blah blah I just need I'm fucked I can't I gotta go up there and I can't there's nobody like you can. You would have done the same for him after his after he got an ICU for his seizure you would have helped him out. Absolutely no I would never do I'm too busy

I would have combined Joe and day Together that's four hands that could pick up one thing No Listen, no I'm never helping him move. But the thing is, that's not the point. The point is, I needed his help, I asked. You say no, I can't, whatever, I get it. But he was like, absolutely, I'll put you up, blah, blah,

blah, we'll hang out, blah, blah, blah. And he said, my uncle, his uncle lives up there. I'll go see my uncle, it's fine. My uncle lives right down the road. Great, dude, perfect, it's great. And he did it. As a friend, I asked him, but he took it as a, like a minion thing, you know what I mean?

You know what I mean? And then on my best friends radio show, this is the thing about hate about friends, this is why I hate when friends meet, because they always gotta fucking, the way they connect as friends is through you. Yeah. Yeah, you know what I mean? Oh gotcha Hmm. I understand now. What do you understand? I don't I'm terrified. What are you going for this? I'm just saying dude I didn't ask you to help me move

because you were some mover I asked you to help me move because I needed a friend and Just like when you were in the ICU and I called and I was concerned, I was a friend. Hear the music. What I'm saying to you, what I'm saying to you is that I guess I'm more of a friend than you. Bobby, what are you doing right now?

I'm a friend and I guess I thought I was a little more friends with you than we were. Because not only did you not call me back after your fucking near-death experience, right? This is true. You took helping me when I got surgery. Stomach surgery. It's not like I asked you to help me move

because I didn't feel like it. I couldn't. And I needed your help. And I asked you and you said yeah. And you took it as a slight. As a Not even, not even. The slight came in as you were smoking cigars and I'm sitting on the floor of the tiny home and I'm putting together your furniture and you walk around smoking and say, yeah,

you're doing good kid, keep it going. I'm not supposed to, I'm not supposed to bend down you look like Red Auerbach I wasn't supposed to you can smoke cigars that's not heavy hang on I could have put that together but listen the thing is you were doing such a good job it was a character building. Wasn't you in the CBs? That's uh and then I had to ask Dawn for help a couple times too I was like Dawn can you please read the instructions I can't let you want me to read I can't read your fucking dumb book I had to read three pages of your book five times my name was in it I didn't get it anyways so yes I'm very excited about this book I look I know how it is to write a book I wrote a book and even even my book was a thin book too.

And it's crazy that you, did you self-publish or did you have a publishing? We self-published, we had offers too, but I've been burned before. So you, what, a history channel? Yeah. So you self-published the book. Why would you do that when you had offers?

We had full control over the way that we rolled it out and then like edits and stuff like that and Amazon for all the crap that people talk about them. They're actually pretty awesome about that. They let you publish your actual thing Oh really? Yeah, it was I was pretty awesome. So we did that there's people that want they they're talking about another book for me already So there's still who's talking about that? We get we had a lot of cold emails about that stuff, right? So it's always something like oh, well assign a writer to work with you. I don't really, I like that but I guess it was not gonna be in the second book. Am I not gonna be in the second book? My dream scenario was for you to play

Dan Sickles if we ever got a chance to turn into like a... So I'm the biggest piece of shit in the history of America. I mean what I mean, what the fuck. He was charismatic. What did I do wrong? But you're with the most popular hooker of all time. The LeBron James of hookers, dude. Larry Bird. Larry Bird. Okay, that's funny.

All right, so. I was more tinge on that than when I said before. So, now you got this book out. Now are you gonna retry to sell the show? Are you gonna try to do a show? It would be it's one of those things right now where you're like do you want to give up the control because I've seen Stuff I'm gonna kiss his ass a little bit here. I've seen what you do Well, you have complete control over this show and how you present stuff. I've seen you create the regs I watched you create a bunch of shit, right?

Schultz is another guy that figured out a way not to have to do it with dealing with the networks and stuff like he just did It's successfully I'm here with you he said he sat down with the fucking president what the fuck I would love it if Trump did YKWD that would be killer that'd be great it would be it's yeah I think you get JD Vance if you wanted to. You do got a nice couch. I can't even get fucking Telsey Gabber. She's the real dream. She's the best. So now this show, you did a podcast with your dad. That's what this came out of, right?

So for four and a half years, we did a podcast called American Loser. Right. And it was very fun. We had a great time with it. At worst, I was hanging out with my dad once a week. That's your worst. He was talking about how awesome his relationship with his father is. Because every time he said it, I'm like, damn. He wrote a book with his dad. He had a podcast. At worst, I got to hang out with my real dad for a while. My dad steals my vitamins. He does. He comes. I got good vitamins. He comes and takes them all. What does he sell them? Yeah, I got vitamins. You talk like that? Yeah, I got vitamins.

Does he have any tells that he was a former addict? Yeah, he looked like you know when a raccoon... His gray eye? You know when a raccoon steals trash and it gets caught and it's like in the light? That's what he always... The permanent face yes yeah it's what he looked like on drugs yeah so you so you and your dad now you say you pay your dad's rent yeah help him out yeah yeah you have a lot of dogs different kind of are you gonna shit you're going on my culture showing yeah he's gonna go on there one day yes cucksuck it makes me walk his dog great guy though so where and whatever So where did your dad live? Next to me. I live on Upper West Side. So he lives up here? Yeah. And does he have a job? Is he got his shit together now? He just got

fired. He was a dental technician over in Staten Island. Yeah. He makes dental prosthetics. What's wrong man? Crackheads lose their teeth, he knows how to make them. Yeah, they also burn their fingertips and they smell when they go in your mouth. What was his nickname when he was running? Cause that's a movie right there. The crackhead dental hygienist in Staten Island. I don't know, dude, but he's a good guy.

We're from Florida, that makes sense. But he's off, he's off everything. He's off to crack, yeah, from what I know. All right, great, well you shoot, what do you mean? I got a good tell, he doesn't do crack anymore. He doesn't, he doesn't do crack, yeah. But does he have a job now? Yeah from what I know all right great Do crack yeah, but he does he have a job now no he got fired He just got like what do you get fired for unemployment cuz I think has his political views He made made known then I was at a good place to talk about Kamala Harris And he you he like oh he'd be a big Republican too, and now he's like I don't know

He got he got on YouTube, and I think someone fucked with him, So he went on YouTube. Yeah, it's probably because he wants drugs Why they're not letting them in? How am I gonna get my fuck? That's that's the guy I'm gonna get my shit Cartels got the best crap. We need them this Trump motherfuckers gonna get me itchy It's the greatest time to have a political argument if he's a dental hygienist. Yeah He works behind the scenes. Oh, right on. Can't have the crack in the front, dude.

I thought he was cleaning people's teeth and be like, you guys know they stole 20-20, right? Anyway, so you got in a little bit lower by Cuspid. Well, he's a liberal guy. Now he is, yeah, now he is, yeah. So he must have been bummed out over this whole thing. Yeah, I don't know, man. I don't know why people get bummed out. It's just, you know- About politics? Yeah, it is what it is, dude. Four years, no matter what's gonna happen, you're gonna be fine because people, your life's not gonna change. People, because

people, they don't have anything to believe in. Yeah. There's nothing to believe in anymore. We used to have like church and shit. We believed in that. And then as soon as they took that out of families, we started believing in politics as a thing. And now that everything is everywhere on your phone, back in the day you had local news. That's all you knew about and every four years you heard about the presidency and you didn't know. Now you know about so much shit.

You can be swayed very quickly. By stuff that's not even true. You can be swayed by some guy to sit in his basement and there's no shit. Yeah, but the algorithm too actually caters caters to what you watch do which is nuts. Yeah, because that's all you get now you're like fucking We didn't go to the moon. Yeah, his is just Ukraine war in CNN Is it really big on you? So I don't know I walk home the other day and it's just I walk in it looks sounds like a war zone I'm I'm like, what are you watching?

He's like, can you believe they show the shootings on here and it's like people killing each other. Whoa. Yeah YouTube they show people getting killed like yeah, but they blur it out. He's like, but they blur out the images I'm like dude, my son's seven. You can't show you have a kid. Yeah, my kid's seven. What the fuck kind of family Do you have a wife? Yeah fiancee she lives with you? Yeah We've been together ten years from Florida, dude. I don't know. That's true. That's a good point. Good point. Good point. Hey, it's not like you guys stick around. Um, so where did you meet your girl? I met her in New Orleans. I lived in New Orleans for four years. I did a radio show there.

And we met there, and then we've been together since. So you've been a radio guy? Yeah. I did radio for 12 years. I started in Tampa, New Orleans, Chicago, and then I did mornings here at K-Rock. You did? Yeah. Oh, no shit. When did you do K-Rock? It was, Chicago, and then I did mornings here at K-Rock. You did? Yeah. Oh no shit, when did you do K-Rock? It was, it was alt-92-3. No shit. Yeah, me and my friend Kane, we did the morning show. What was it called?

Kane and Corey in the morning. Dude, I think I remember that. Yeah, I believe you. Did you replace Opie and Anthony? Yeah, we replaced, no, cause it switched. Or Dave. It was Buster and someone else, cause it switched to top 40,

and then it switched to alternative, and that's when we came in Right, which alternative right? Okay. I think I remember you guys coming on Yeah, we have a billboard one of the glasses on assumption. Yeah, he had glasses on thing. Yeah, it's always a fucking stupid DJ move Fuck man one guy has glasses. Why do you have glasses radio? We can't see you anyways Why do you have glasses? This is radio. We can't see you anyways. No. Man Cow used to do that all the time.

Remember him? Yeah. He was a Chicago guy. He actually got, back in the day, radio was... The shit. The shit. And you could syndicate. Yeah.

He got syndicated, became massive. And then he, but he would always, in the studio, you'd go and he'd be wearing sunglasses. Yeah. Because you feel cool, man. It's a vibe. Yeah, but it's not cool. It makes you feel shitty cause you're looking at fucking this blind guy. It's just a power move. It's a fucking power move and I hated it. I just remember walking in and being like, ugh, fucking stupid.

Nothing makes me happy when douchebags fall off a radio. When those scumbags just fucking eat the shit. Their Imus moment? Yes, not Imus, he didn't have a moment. Well, he said fell off. No, dude, he went till he died. He fell off hard after the Rutgers thing, dude. He fell off hard after he died, fell off real hard.

He did not fucking... They fired him. They fired him. Oh, God, exactly. Yeah. Was it you? Was it you? He went to... They fired him. They fired him. Oh God, exactly. Yeah. Was it you? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Was it you? You look exactly like a fucking afternoon DJ.

Come on, man. Hey, what's going on, man? Tune in. Play a new Coldplay with this new Korean band. That's wild. So you have a kid. How old's your kid? Seven.

Seven? Yeah. Really? Yeah, seven years old, dude old dude wow that's great how was your kid he's I mean so another question what would you say he was again seven I know what's his name Lexington right on would you read his book I read KP's book I will name you Lexington. Listen again my dad never had met a crackhead named Lexington so I'm trying to steer him in the right direction. Yeah but I've met a lot of fucking fanooks. I'm Lexington. Lex for short. Anyways. No

he kisses girls he's good. So yeah so he's seven his name is Lexington. What's his last name again? Steele. Jesus that's my son dude. What the fuck? What they say about the Navy guys is true. They sold me a bill of goods they couldn't deliver. That's not a bad compliment. They told us Steele had a fucking piece of... He's not gonna be that well endowed. I promise you that.

Really? Good for him. He's 11. We just went to get him wrestling shoes. And he's 11 and We just want him to get him wrestling shoes Yeah, and he's 11 and a half in shoes. Yeah, I'm just sitting wait what I'm sitting Yeah, I'm sitting he's 11 years old and wears 11 and a half buddy 11 and a half wide Yo, that's crazy. Your kid bigfoot. What the fuck buddy? I solid I'm sitting I'm sitting there with a ten and a half shoe going, huh, hi.

Yeah. His hands, he's just, he's a big kid. And he came out of the shower the other day. I don't know why. He took a shit upstairs and then he took a shit downstairs. Play the music. He took a shit. I'm sorry, I forgot you were a content creator.

He took a poopy. He took a poopy whoopee downstairs. We'll make it, we'll make it. We'll make it. We don't want to offend any of your fans. He took a poopy whoopie downstairs. We'll make it, we'll make it. We'll make it. We don't want to offend any of your fans. He took a poopy whoopie downstairs and then walked upstairs naked to use the bidet. He's sitting in the living room butt naked with his

shtamake hanging out. And it's, I'm looking at it like this thing is. Holy shit. Not my, it's not the Donlin side of the family. I mean, Jesus Christ, I'm like what the hell? I go get that out of here. He's like what? I'm like that what the hell? I go, get that out of here. He's like, what? I'm like, that, I never want to see it again.

I never want to feel. Wow, dude. Yeah. And then he asked me one day, he goes, why is yours smaller than mine? Yes! Oh. That's gotta suck.

Segura has a great joke like that. He goes, cause mine, Cause, oh, cause I got erection, yeah, yeah. No, he goes, why is yours bigger than mine? He goes, cause I have an erection. One of the greatest jokes. I mean're as big as mine He goes cuz I have an erection. What a great joke. I mean cigar is funny. It's such a great. It's a great joke. Um Yeah, dude, it's it's crazy. It's crazy. You have a kid. I didn't think you think that's crazy I don't think I can be responsible. Yep. Why I don't know I don't cut I got a kind of equity in companies and businesses what your equity in the company? I own 5% of bang cookies

You ever heard of that? What is it? What is a bank? You're the cookie guy? Yeah fucking I'm so mad at you Why you're fucking goddamn company me? I fucking Instagram your stupid company. I wanted a cookie bang cookies Yes, and you remember Danny Graham me wait I'll give you a 5% son of a bitch and I Instagram I want a cookie and you never respond. I'm pulling it up now We'll see wait. Did you really did Danny do it? No, I did it. When was this? Yeah, stupid company. Hey, what dog? What kind of company you running? Look at I might not have 10 million Well, that's an issue. I have Spun next time you history. Yeah. Yes. Oh, this is fun. March 1st Bobby writes bang cookies. I want some cookies.

Oh yes, this is fun. Then March 13th he goes, nice talking to you. Wait, did you really scorn man us dude? That's like when the guys are like like you're beautiful. Okay. Now you're fucking ugly Yeah, about a fucking thanks How about a response look you see I was just trying to do what he did I'm gonna tell you right now if you see if your company sees a guy look I might have a fucking 10 billion But I got I don't have a thousand. It's not like 400 followers I'm a fucking legend in this business key and when I fucking call reach out you go Hey I'm a fucking legend in this business. And when I fucking reach out to you and go,

hey, and you at least give me a thumbs up, throw an emoji in my way, emoji in my way, you son of a bitches. My first time meeting this guy, by the way, but let me just say the arrangement that he sent to the hospital was beautiful. Cook, Kupuna's cookies, yeah. How many followers you got there?

You had a good amount. It was all cookies and all 49,000. We sent some to the hospital. What kind of cookie do you want, Robert Kelly? What kind of cookie do you want? Who gave me the cookies? When did you, you introduced me to the cookies, right? Me? Yeah, I told you about it.

They were good. Me, me, me. No, the other guy. You've been talking to me the whole time. I'm a fucking idiot. Yeah, they're very good cookies. Yeah. There's a location right across the street my apartment in Jersey City

Shameless plug I can't even so you own that okay percentage of that Yeah, and also Bill's Supper Club what you call used to be called Bill's Tavern down in the Upper East Side I own a percentage of that. Oh, that's nice. Thank you. And then I just I own really I own like a hotel in New Orleans. You own a hotel? It's like a it's like a Extended state but but there's like 12 rooms. I mean 12 different units in there. My dad found it back in his crackdingers. Is it a boutique hotel?

Yes, as solid as a rock. It's kind of like a boutique hotel, yeah. That's great. That's awesome. Look, you have a dad that loves you, and he has real estate and cookie companies. When your dad loves you, you don't seal deals. when your dad doesn't love you. I think there's Get rid of that fucking nice guy. He's got a go

Just have your dad hang out with his dad and it'll fucking wind up like his dad show him the ropes my deck He can't help himself. He has that engineering thing. First of all, I'm adopted too. So you keep saying you know, oh you're adopted Oh, yeah, man. you know it's your dad story is my dad I don't know you don't need to fucking say that did you meet your dad your biological father yeah what a polite way to put it he just did there yeah we found him he lives in a he said it the wrong way the first time wait that might have been a crackhead to though it's a why are you turning into cat again

to cat again. You're a damn man about to pay for a tattoo. I'm going to tell you, Shay Shay. Oh shit. Separate your fucking words, you sing songy asshole. Sing songy. Hope you don't talk in your hotels like this. No, you guys welcome to the hotel. Hey, y'all been to the fourth floor yet?

Yeah. You guys won't cook in the speed of light. We can't stay here at this race. That's my tattoo crack in the bottom. Oh, Jesus. So say, your dad is, you were adopted, but you met your real dad. No. I thought you know where he is.

We found him. He's in Rumson, New Jersey. What do you mean, if your real dad was his dad? Rumson, he's rich. Oh yeah, see, he knows right away. He's rich. Is it? Rumson's a rich area.

He's got a little cash. That's a rich ass area. When we steal TVs, we go to to ramsay catalytic converters all over the plane he was stupid man rumsons wild so so alright let me fucking get going we're all over the place with YouTube fucking maniacs. So now you, now you, you have this Instagram. Is this your, do you make a lot of money off of this stuff? Oh yeah.

Let me tell you, if you want to talk black, you can. You can do whatever you want. Um, yeah, so I have 23 million combined followers. Okay. Right? And so I make a million combined followers. Okay. Right, and so I make a lot of money on Facebook doing videos on there. How do you make- Oh, the monetization.

They put ads, monetization. Does great. But also, through Instagram, we do brand deals. I've done like Taco Bell and all these other brand deals and whatnot. And also now I can sell out shows because of my following. Right. So it's fucking great. That's great.

Yeah. And you're making money. Yeah, I'm doing great. Good for you, man. Now let me ask you a question. Can you help Danny, I mean, I've been on 126,000 followers for a year and a half, and I keep going, hey, what's going on? He's like, hey, we got two today. How?

Two, I mean, you're asking me to help Danny, but you already know about Danny. I want you to help me through Danny. Okay. Danny, get your know about Danny. I want you to help me through Danny. Okay Danny get your shit together, man. Thanks. Anyways Danny's he's a spread his wings what and then you just replace Danny his wings are too weak to fly I'm gonna feed him worms like he's in a nest. I've been a movie while robot You gotta teach him like the fuck just saw it just saw Brought the kids to see that one. Yeah. Cute movie.

So you got this book out. Go get the book. What's the name of the book? History Isn't Boring Your Teacher Was. History Isn't Boring Your Teacher Was. I started reading it. I'm probably going to finish this weekend. I'm going back to Boston. I'm going to bring it to the hotel because I can't watch TV late at night in the hotel. I'm going to finish it this weekend. I'm so happy that you wrote this book. I hope that this I hope it fucking blows up for you, man. I really do. You've always been a hard-working comedian great guy I thought we were friends. Yeah, apparently I'm just a sawdust for you on radio with my other good friend

Another intimidating guy. That's the problem. How's he intimidating? He can't even chase you Another intimidating guy. That's the problem. How's he intimidating? He can't even chase you He's got Sicilian vibes that scares me. All right, what's up with you being intimidated? He's not listen I'm a gentle giant Cory. I don't tell but that might be the murderer thing You were talking about this the undercover serial killer. She buddy Cory Let me tell you something. This guy has murder in his fucking veins. Look at him. Look at him right now Look the way he's g veins. Look at him. Look at him right now. Look the way he's giggling. Look at him. Don't make eye contact. Anyone that's ever had to plumb some other guy's shit can kill a man. The worst part on board a ship, it's all vacuum powered. Yep. Yep. I've seen some things. Wow. Oh, you have to take the shit. Don't you just throw it in the ocean?

When you're far out enough, the tanks are able to empty, but it's all vacuum powered. It's the same as like an airplane toilet. Yeah suck your butthole out It's a it's that was a palpable fear for a while. What are you on death? He's so afraid of you motherfuckers You Bernie Mac if we were If we were in stools right now, you know, he'd be humping it when he was doing I bet he humped the school on Zoom. I've got that my whole life, you know that right? I've got my whole life, throughout content creation and everything.

You sound like a black woman. My whole life has been like this. That's funny that they say woman, not man. You sound like an old black woman. Just because you poor sale barter don't make it a pancake, motherfucker. Hey, I got a tip for you. Stop talking like an old black woman. I can't. Yes, you can. I can't, motherfucker. Hey, I got a tip for you. Stop talking like an old black woman. Yeah, I can't.

Yes, you can. Yeah, you're doing it right now. I can't help it. You're doing it. Say hey. Hey. Say hey, how are you, Bobby? Hey, how are you, Bobby?

There you go, you're back. All right. You're back to your roots. Do you want to go back so bad? It's so fun. I want you to. I feel alive when I'm doing it. I know, it makes me alive, too.

You do, of course we all, don't you think we all want to talk that way? You'd hate my show. Huh? You'd hate me. Why? Because I do that a lot. What do you do? The crack, the crack head comes. It's like it's in my cerebellum, my serine, my spine. What? I think the crack. Why are you breaking right now? I think I'm a crack baby. I think I am. All right, listen, I want to get a couple questions in for you guys from me. This is, I don't think you'll know any of this, but you might. Okay. Tell me some history that we wouldn't, I don't know, that I wouldn't know, that people would be like, what the fuck? All right, there's a couple good ones. First and foremost, NASA was founded by, essentially founded by a guy who was doing drugs and taking like black magic sex rituals.

My dad? Correct, yes, his father. Cory's father. His dad and P did he? No, what, what, what hap- really? You know about Jack Parsons? No. Jack Parsons is nuts.

He helped invent, he's kind of the father of modern rocketry. Okay. And so pre-World War II, they were working with the Germans, everything like that, and they were all figuring out this stuff, and he got involved. So he literally helped us create the International Space Station, but he also got conned. Alistair Crowley, who's like the most wicked man,

the guy that Black Sabbath, he was like, oh, Jack Parsons practices black magic. I'm gonna make him the head priest of this temple of Thalema out in California that he went to. And they brought him in, they're like, oh, he's going to bring the occult into the means. So they actually think he summoned demons and that's how he learned to like how to make diamonds and shit. So here's the even best part.

There's this creepy guy that shows up at one of the parties that they're at and he goes, oh, I also get the visions you get Mr. Parsons. Jack Parsons was a legit brilliant guy. He would blow shit up all the time. He was a fascinating guy. Like our world is better because of Jack Parsons. That being said, he was doing a lot of drugs, doing a lot of rituals, sex magic type stuff. And then he got totally conned by a guy who said that he was seeing the same things he was seeing. He goes, oh, and if you give me

some of your money, me and your wife are going to go down to Florida and we're going to carry out your message down there. And instead he buys a bunch of boats with Jack Parsons life savings, starts a fleet. And then he- Heard about fleet and then he went across the ocean. El Ron Hubbard. And did you say Syed Master? Wait, El Ron Hubbard? Wait, wait, wait. El Ron Hubbard. 100% true. Really? Scientology? Scientology motherfucker? You white people got weird religions. Y'all believe in aliens? Y'all fuckin'- It was perfect. Excited. It's when you get excited. I know. You get very black.

I think we all do inside, but we hold it back. I can't. Because I want to go, motherfucker! Elrond, motherfucking Hobbit! When KP gets excited, he goes Asian. Oh, really? Maybe I just heard it then. I go Asian?

That's crazy. You do talk like a, you got it. You could narrate a book. Oh yeah. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like When KP gets excited, he goes Asian. Oh, really? Maybe I just heard it then. I go Asian? That's crazy. You do talk like a... You got it. You could narrate a book. See, in my mind, it's... El Rondo. Hi, Bobby. Bobby, you scare me. I honor you by sticking a knife in my own belly.

That's not full Asian. That's Japanese. We're going Japanese. That's better. I like that. They're the masculine. you can tell the difference. I feel like I can you know what I mean? I won't say why that is pretty wild though that it's L Ron Hubbard because that that religion so he talked to this guy Said he had because he did have visions. He said he had visions of What is it the the fucking mountain and the volcano and the yeah the guy who wrote Battlefield Earth? What is it the the fucking mountain and the volcano and the yeah the guy who wrote battlefield earth Essentially the con man that duped the smartest guy in the American rocket program is worshiped by Tom Cruise Wow That's crazy. It was I wasn't ready for that

He founded Scientology with the money that he conned out of that guy too And then Jack Parsons died mysteriously of an explosion in his house laboratory. Hey P when you said sex magic Are we talking like magic tricks? laboratory. K.P. when you said sex magic are we talking like magic tricks? No it was a ritualistic magic. Now let me ask you a question that when you realized when was the point you realized oh this influencer stuff or this content creator when you you can make a living off of this? Oh when I got my first paycheck. How much was it? It was um $45,000 I'm a throw up in you in one month Danny get the fuck me on Facebook. I want sauce and I want beer You may now cuz the the thing on Facebook cuz I I'm gonna say this I like Facebook

Yeah, Facebook's great. I love Facebook and people over a shit on Facebook and they say, you can do Instagram, you can do Reels, you can do TikTok. I love Facebook and this whole thing that you have to get to in order to monetize and you get a three, I don't know, 30,000 hours of watch time or some shit and then you got to do this and that, but it's so confusing and I'm like, I don't know how to fucking get to that. What? Danny's you could tell Danny to do it Danny not doing it nope

god damn it Danny Danny doesn't touch touch Facebook no we do post to Facebook yeah but we don't fucking you never looked into monetizing Facebook you are monetized on Facebook what you are currently monetized on Facebook you're not making $40,000 but you're monet monetized. Do I get money from Facebook? Yes He's been taking it. How do you? What's he doing with it eating peanut butter? Just bought a new model train My god, he's L Ron Hubbard

Wow. Oh my God. He's L Ron Hubbard. It'd be fucking hilarious if Danny started a fucking dumb cult. Just a bunch of autistic guys that jerk each other off in a shed. And our rules, no eye contact during sex. Everyone knows this. Everybody hold each other's cocks. You have to get your Thanos out of it. Wow. And we all disappear afterwards. Wow, dude. So, so do you know how much money we make? Not off the top of my head no, but not even close to

I don't check his bank account. He'll tell you I don't need your self-esteem. I know it's not forty five thousand dollars I'm not talking black If I made a fucking check of forty five thousand I'll be like check Fucking someone else. I'm rich, bitch. I'm rich, bitch. How many bang cookies could Bobby afford with the Facebook money? Two and a half. Those are expensive cookies, though.

They are. I'm going to give you some. I'm going to send some here. No, not here. I don't want that ghoul getting them on the fence. I was going to say, they're all going to David. You mess with me. Yeah, dude.

Send me some fucking cookies. I got you. God damn it. You mess with me. Yeah, dude. I got you. Send me some fucking cookies. I got you. God damn it. That really bothered me. I mean, just not even a thumbs up. I don't get a phone call from you. It's kind of a thumbs up from you. I see what, I see what irks you, what bothers you is you're not responding to it.

It's just the small amount of fucking common courtesy. Yeah. That's it. Fuck that company. That come back. That's it. Yeah, that's it. Yeah Well, but now cuz we didn't respond and I'm here you're gonna get a whole box of cookies I want them. Yeah, I'm not fucking beneath it. Yeah, I heard that the best cookies by the way No, they were good. Go ahead. I had a great idea for a cookie. It was a Black Lives Banner I thought this was the best. It's cookie dough and chocolate right? That's funny you said that I had a good name for a sub sandwich at one of them spots

with the they call them Aki's yeah. Asalami Lakam. It's a matter of which one of us kill for which joke? Probably me, dude. Probably me. Oh, man. You make a good profit. I had a good idea for a cookie, too. White power. Oh, my God. No, white powder. Sorry. And it's just-

More of a bar. More of a bar. It's just chocolate chip cookies with macadamia nuts, and white chocolate. It's called unity. Unity. Unity. Alright guys, listen. Fucking hilarious show.

No. Fun. Congratulations on your book. Make sure you go get it. History was not boring. Your teacher, what is it again? History isn't boring, your teacher was. Your teacher was.

I love you Robert McKinney. It's available right now on Amazon. How much is it again? History isn't boring your teacher was. Your teacher was. I love you Robert McKinnon. It's available right now on Amazon. How much is it? So if you go to my website, KPBerk comedy, you actually get a deal on it. And then you can also buy other stuff on there as well too. We got the lighters, we got the other coasters and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. But how much is it? What is it? I think it's 15 on the website. Motherfucker. Goddamn. You expect me to make it? It's Christmas time. There's no Black Friday deals, mother of mother. It's got big wares in it. I tell you what, potty history you didn't write. It's cheaper than the toll I paid to come in here from Jersey.

Damn. And how much is it on Amazon? I think it's the same, but Amazon takes their cut. Right, okay, so go to your website. Yeah, he's not making money. Go to your website. Yeah, he's not making money. Go to your website, and then, and if you want this kid to profit more. Go fuck it.

We got shows, where are you gonna be, my friend? That's not me. That's me, I'm gonna be at the Beacon New York Town Crier Cafe up in Beacon New York, December 13th, January, Kansas City Comedy Club. The Comedy Club of Kansas City just did it Yeah, I did it last time with Joe The owner's pretty cool. Nice guy and they brought in a lot of barbecue was nice

I felt bad because I was exhausted and he was like hey, we're playing poker and I asked me to play too And I said no cuz I was tired shit. Yeah, dude. I was exhausted I was a guy I'm gonna go feel bad cuz they're sitting there They make feel bad cuz he wants to hang and yeah, you know, it was pretty good I think next time I'm going to try to stay up. Yeah, I guess Batavia, Illinois and then I'm gonna be in I guess Batavia all over just scroll fuckface February 7th, Levittown, New York Governors and then Philadelphia Punchline in February.

I'm all over the place. Go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly and make sure you go to my new YouTube channel. You're on this YouTube channel or you're listening to this. If you're not, just go to YouTube dot com, no, YouTube slash at Robert Kelly Comedy. It's a brand new page we're putting up. All comedy, all my standup.

I realize that we have no stand-up anywhere on YouTube of me. There's one show of me when I was in the Netherlands and I had hair. So make sure you go there and subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe. Do me that favor, just go there right now. It's at Robert Kelly Comedy. At Robert Kelly Comedy on YouTube. Go there, subscribe. And that's it.

What do you got? What's your? I got Pottstown coming up, Pottstown PA, Souljo's. Oh, I love Souljo's. Then I got Funny Bone in Albany, Albany, sorry. Then Helium Comedy Club in Buffalo, and then Phoenix Desert Ridge and all that. That's next year, though.

What's the website? The website is punchup.live slash Corey B. Corey B. Corey B. I love you even a black comedy name. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Corey B. Hey, what's up motherfuckers. Everyone's there to see Corey Hulking. They're like, oh, this guy's good too.

We like him too. He didn't hate women as much as I thought he was. What is this? Danny likes my crowd. Danny, how's my crowd, Danny? I let Danny. His crowd is awesome. I crushed so hard and

What was that you let the come Yeah, because he was there and my buddy Matt Lopes I bring two guys with me I bring Marcus Monroe and Matt Lopes everywhere I go right and Matt Lopes couldn't show up So Danny was like, hey man, can I do some time? And I was like, sure, Danny, you're a good guy. You should look at me in the eyes and ask me. I can't. And then you said only on the late show. Not, did I? No, no, it was, it was awesome. Apparently you did. Wow. That's shot out. Oh, because the early shot, shut the fuck up Danny. Yeah there was like Danny don't fuck it up you're gonna ruin my cookies.

There was like four minutes in between shows. What a fat fuck I am. You can literally get me nine million followers. I'm like can I have cookies? Maybe one night at your hotel. How old was the message? I mean that was. It was in March. March.

Oh yeah I hadn't bought in yet. Yeah you did I I knew it he's the one who told me about it he said the guys are the thing oh that's okay new people came in I got distracted I got a PhD god damn kind of showed you run here you can lighten up dude you're You rolled in like a chingaling. What the fuck happened? We all got scared. Heard the voice from outside he's like God damn it who's in there. Make sure you check out his book, check out him. Where you gonna be? Big one I'm announcing right so actually I just wanted to say this one. Thursday on my YouTube at 9 p.m. second album's coming out we're putting it out there I don't call him specials anymore Bobby yelled at me and and I took it He took me behind the woodshed and we call them recitals now their dance recitals

Yeah, nothing special about Nobody asked you to do it. You filmed it on your own with a cannon correct and you fucking edited it you fucking apartment That's right. We're at my shirt. Where'd you shoot it at? Where'd you shoot it at? Dojo Comedy. Oh, great fucking comedy. Yeah, man. I'm a Jersey guy who felt like I could be over there. Great club, awesome club.

Great owner, I mean the best. Great food. The best. The door guys fucking suck, but the fucking- No, they don't. They're fucking great. I'm kidding. Fucking great.

Shit, old Vic. Jesus Christ. I don't like your comedy, sir. You're going to go black, I'm going to go real white. I don't like to partake in your evil comedy. He's he's blogging Bobby's blogging You can't see it Then you've one of the funniest guys I love that you fucking you come into your own you kick an ass And we're gonna go right now

Make sure you do me a favor subscribe to this channel if you're watching on YouTube if you're listening on anything Make sure you hit the a favor, subscribe to this channel if you're watching on YouTube, if you're listening on anything, make sure you hit the like button and subscribe to that. And also, we're going to Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly right now. You want to support the show YKWD, you can go over there and become a member over there. And we're also going to have questions from the Patreon people. We ask these guys questions, a little extra episode. You get an extra episode of YKWD, extra extra week. So make sure you go over there.

If not, you guys are the best fans in the world. We'll see you next time on You Know What, Dude?