Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #566 | Zach Zucker | Complicité

Episode Date: December 22, 2024

This week on YKWD Zach Zucker/Jack Tucker joins the pod they talk sexuality, trying something new in comedy, and Zach teaches Bobby how to become a bisexual clown. Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD.

This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, how are you ruining this? Where's the bomb? Damn it, man. This podcast is so fun and crazy and has no rules. God, help me, I'm ruining this. Where's the barbana, man? Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does.

Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. You know what's up, everybody? I'm Robert Kelly, and welcome to another episode of You Know What Dude? YKWD podcast. The first podcast to go acronym by the way. I'm so sick of everybody having an acronym now.

It's me, YKWD. You Know What Dude? You Know What Dude? Why is it that name? Because that's what I say. You Know What Dude? I always say that. Okay? And we're above the Comedy Cellar at the Comedy Cellar Studios. Why is it that name? Because that's what I say. You know what, dude? I always say that, okay?

And we're above the Comedy Cellar at the Comedy Cellar Studios, and we have a very special guest on today, who I just met for the first time. Danny, please introduce our guest. We have Zach Zucker on the podcast today. Hello. That was terrible.

Yeah, I was gonna say greetings. I've never said that in my life. Greetings? Buddy, I don't know you. At all, and I'm coming in, I was gonna say greetings. I've never said that in my life. Greetings? Buddy, I don't know you. At all, and I'm coming in. I was gonna say, when you said that you're the first acronym podcast, all I thought of was, well, once you go ACK,

you never go back. And so then that was- And once you go hack. Yeah, then you become Zach. And here I am. And we're back. And we're back. Fucking, and thank you.

This has been an epic podcast. See you later, man. It was so nice meeting you. I have a pleasure to work with you. Hey. Hey. Um, no, but dude, first of all, you do a variety show. podcast. Thank you so much. So nice to work with you. No, but dude, first of all, you do a variety show. I do. It's called, um,

stamp town. It is. And I watched a bunch of clips of it. It's, it reminded me, uh, in a, you know, look, I'm from stand-up. We go up, we do stand-up, we tell our jokes. It's a single person thing, right? But it reminded me of a show I used to do called Beacher's Madhouse. I love the name of that. I don't know if you ever heard of it.

It was a variety show, but it was crazy. It was anarchy. It was, you know, it's in, can I say that? Little People. Yeah. Beep that out, we're gonna fucking douche on YouTube. Little People, and it was, you know, like a guy would balance a moped on his chin,

and there was strippers and dancers, and they did all, there was a seven foot gay Russian sword swallower, and all this crazy shit, and they'd have like a fake breast competition. Whoever had the worst breasts would win fake tits, and they'd have like a fake breast competition. Whoever had the worst breasts would win fake tits and then give them a coupon. This chick would go up with the worst tits ever and just swap them out and they'd go down to his knees and the place would go wild. And you know, he, he, he was Beacher. He had this, you know, tuxedo and it was this big rolly polly guy and it was crazy. And then he would stand up and

we go up at the end in between. Why did he steal the show? What was this? Why did you steal the show? Why did I steal? Oh, well, I cuz I you know, I never got a chance I'm six feet. I'm in the boring height, you know, I can't balance shit I have perfect tits No, what I'm saying is I haven't seen a show like that. I was getting to my point, Daniel. So he has autism. He can't wait. You know, I get it. I haven't seen a show like that since then, where it's a comedy show, but it's not stand up. It's not like a sketch

thing. You come out like a fucking maniac out front and you, you and your, what is he? Producer sound guy? What is my sound guy? We call him button man, but why button man? Because he doesn't mix the sound he just hits the buttons. Why is it called stamp town? So I I went to a clown school in France for two years Which is every Jewish grandmother's nightmare and I was the first grandson first one to potentially go to college and I was that magic camp I Did Club Med Magic Camp? Did the circus version of it? Yeah, I was one of the tumblers. I made Club Med Magic Camp. I did the circus version of it. I was one of the

tumblers. I made it to the tumbling performance. Why did you want to go to what made you want to go to clown camp? I moved to LA at 18 to be a star having never done anything at all. You were just going to be a star. I just and I didn't even know what I was just like I'm gonna make it but I like High School Musical that was Mr. Sports and then I started doing Second City Teen Improv classes in Chicago and then I started doing second city teen improv classes in Chicago and then I moved to LA. You know what they say about improv,

it's one little shirt of improv. And it's, let me tell you, I've done about 10,000 of the worst improvised shows in the world. Can I say something, because I started improv too. I started, me and Dane and a couple other guys, Aldo, we had an improv sketch group, but our improv was pretty much the same improv. If something worked, we just did it the next time.

Yeah, forever, and then it eventually becomes material. But I was like, I'm not, I wasn't really fitting in or jiving in with that squad, and I also was like 18 to 20 when I was doing it, so I'm just like, unfunny, really confident kid who's like, I got this, coming out making impossible moves to play with, not really setting up anything clear. And I used to work for Sashaa Baron Cohen's production company.

He studied at this clown school and I had no idea what it was. But while I was interviewing my teacher, Philippe Gaultier came to LA and I was like, let me take this class. So I have something to talk about. What's his name? Philippe? Philippe Gaultier. Did you have to learn how to speak?

Thankfully, it's an English second language school. Oh, so they, okay great. International school, everyone speaks broken English in some fucked up weird awesome way. Just in a twaddy way. Yeah, and look, and I come back being like, bye, don't know this world in English, but. Did you come back with an accent?

Oh yeah, I'm such a cunt. You came back like Madonna? Oh, fully, when I go to the UK I'm like, oh yeah, I'm doing those ones. Oh dude, I assume like. My collections are changing. Dude, I got married in Maui, second day there, I was like, all right, brother. Yeah, yeah.

May peace be with you. Get one of these. Yeah, yeah. It's a classic. I assimilate all the time. I find it fun. I love the language. She's sending me around black people.

And that's for the Patreon exclusive. I'm much more energetic. Look, I figure, bring out the best side of myself. Not all those scrummy little whites that are bringing me down. Well said. Yeah. Well said.

Politically correct. I like it. Yeah. And that's what we like to be called. But yeah, I, this, this clown school was in a village called Etompe, La Village d'Etompe and Etompe means stamp. And so I named stamp town after as like a little homage to it. And our, our logo is the castle from the town.

No shit. Which I found out pretty rough history. It's like this, I mean, it's really like what looks like a rook piece from chess right now, like barely assembled. But I thought it was like this awesome castle, but it really was apparently one of the French kings married a Danish princess for a land grab and then just locked her in there and it was her dungeon. So that's great. That sounds fun. Kind of awesome. Kind of the vibe we're trying to bring to the show. Yeah. Yeah.

Like a big vibe statutory. Yeah. And don't bleep those out. I want I want YouTube to hear that. Your logo is a prison dungeon. Oh my god. It's a nightmare. Yeah, I went to this school for two years and it changed my life. And like, what do you learn in clown school? It's honk honk. The thing is, you're not far off. It's it's very, it's a show me like one of the first things you learned at clown school? It was, oh God, how did that be?

Hang on one second, hang on one second. One of these. Oh, you can do it. Whoa. Something like that, yeah. So what was the first thing, tell me. It's the first unit, it's called Le Jeu. God, all this French stuff, I'm sounding so

fucking pretentious right now. You are. You sound like a big douche. And I'm gonna lean into it. Lean into it. The thing is about us. It's basically, it was called The Game and it's like his whole foundation is like on four kind of concepts of like pleasure, fixed point, which is like just, you know, kind of like directional stillness and just kind of how to be more dynamic as a performer.

Listening to the crowd, which this was a classic one that I did fall for with assimilating He called it complicit a and I thought this was like this amazing french word, but it's just complicity in french So it's like yeah, you have to have complicit day when you're performing and everyone's like what is that? I'm like, oh it's the connection to the crowd But it's and then kind of just you know Knowing when to give focus and like when the audience is, knowing you can kind of just change at any moment and do anything else. And eventually you can make all of your bad choices

your winning moves. And I've kind of made a career off being like a bad, I'm not a good comedian, but I think I'm a good performer and I'm okay at being bad and I'm bad a lot. So I got really good at being bad that everyone's like, I guess this guy's like, all right. Right, but you had a huge crowd. Like dude, I mean, I saw the performance,

there's looks like a thousand more people there, right? Is it 2,000? No, it's like 400, but I'll take, well, there's, I did, I've done, we've done some bigger gigs this year, which is cool, and it has been growing, and I don't understand it. Like, I think people who are coming to the shows have a sickness where they keep coming back

and seeing it over and over. Because it's not the same thing. That's true. And you have, you come out like a ball of energy. You do crazy shit and you just, is this whole thing made up? Are you just going with? I went three months ago for the first time and I, I'll be my buddy left and I go, I am never going to miss one of these again.

I had a show last night that I, I forgot that I booked a spot. I canceled my spot to come watch your show. It's my favorite show in the world. Your fans, autistic Jews from Jersey. It's it. It's the autistic. Who went to Magic Camp. Our fan base, it's autistic Jews and then the sports bros who were like, I could have

played D1 quarterback. It's like, it's that perfect crossover. What is your fan base? It's I think, you know, again, obviously I'm a New York Jew who went to Chicago and then LA and have stayed in all the hotspots. You know, trying to control the weather, control the media, the classics. You have Jew lasers.

I do, yeah. And I'm using them for good. Using them for good. And yeah, I think it's a mixture of like sports bros, comedy nerds, I'm bisexual and the gays really come out for me. Oh, you're bisexual. I am, after 10 p.m. if it furthers my career

in the industry. Otherwise, I'm bisexual? I am. After 10 p.m. if it furthers my career in the industry. Otherwise, I'm a pussy loving, cold blooded American. And I, are you really bisexual? Yeah. So let me, all right, let's get into it. Let's get into it, yeah, let's rock. As soon as I said it, I was like, I know we're gonna veer down this way as soon as we go.

Because here's the thing, how's, okay. Here's the thing. You, you go with a girl, right? You're with chicks, and then then was your first guy in France? No, it was actually in summer camp classic, Jewish sleepaway summer camp. That's not gay. That's exploration. Well, that's the thing. It was a lot of exploration. Unless you're a counselor.

Yeah, exactly. And it was a lot of exploration, but we did the classic, as long as we don't kiss, it's not gay. So it was just kind of hand and mouth stuff for a little bit. That's true, right? That's how I've lived my life. I won't kiss. Have you felt the stubble of a man? It's gross. I've lived life secretly like that. I think I'm bisexual. Yeah. I'm actually, I'm pretty sure I'm a bi icon. I have Danny and Joe jerk me off after every show. But that's just getting you prepped for the show. You got to get ready. So, you don't, when you're with guys, it's just a sex thing? It's not a...

I don't know. It's a, it's a mix. I think I've definitely had crushes and I've had some romantic feelings for men. I think... You must have crushed dick in France. Look, I was fucking, I was, I was in my exploratory clown phase. Yeah. I was taking people down the clown hole. It's, it's, I think it's, I've, I've been figuring it out as it's been going on. And like, I, I think I lean more towards being with women because I'm more comfortable and I've had more experience that way Right. I think I know how to eat pussy, but I don't know how to suck and it's kind of how I boil it down

I Have the sensitivity of a gay man eating pussy, but I suck like a straight guy fingering for the first time Just jamming it not really sure what to do, bragging to the boys, you know, keeping it quiet. Pretending there's a smell. Yeah, exactly, pushing it down the classics. Well, I'm glad, like, we're at this place where people just don't care anymore. I have a bunch of bisexual friends,

but it's just funny because you think there'd be a part where you're going to pick a side. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, you know what, I did this, I'm cool with that, but I really wanna do this. I, a lot of days, when I was coming to terms with it, sorry, coming with the terms of it, I kind of would pray sometimes that I would just land one way or another to know,

and there would be days where I'd wake up and I'd be like, all right, I'm gay, here we go. And then I'd see, you know, a beautiful woman walk down the street and be like, damn, those hips though. Damn. But then I'd be like, but her outfit. I'm like, okay, hold on. Yeah. It's like, keep going back and forth.

I love that hat. I love that hat. Girl, where'd you get that from? It's like going from like, oh, you look good. But I think you could change this ensemble a little bit. And it kind of fluctuates. And I think eventually, you know, I just had some older older gays or bisexuals in my life were like hey, you don't actually have to choose right and you can kind

Of live with that and I'm like, oh great this uncertainty of never knowing amazing. I can't wait to embrace that manic energy Did you hear that Danny? You don't have to choose kid Gone come on the table. Give a pop a tug old papa a tug. You can do magic again Danny. And it disappears. But have you ever had a guy boyfriend? I've had more flings. I've not had many deep partnerships because I've just been on the road for most of the last 10 years so I've been more of a good time not a long time. Do you tell like girls that you're with that look I go with guys too? Yeah, yeah.

I'm seeing somebody now, it's been like four and a half months and she knows. She knows, she doesn't care. Do you guys, you have this open relationship where? We're not, the farthest we've gone is she's like, I think it'd be cool to, she's like, I think it'd be hot to watch you make out with a guy. She's like, but I don't think I wanna see you get

fucked by another guy. And I was like, I get that. But I've been with other people. Yeah, because then you gotta go tell her to do something. She's like, fuck you. Yeah, no, no, you can't you can't give this to me Go go make me some food. Yeah, you make some food bitch Yeah, and but but where those velour pants that I love just saw you on all fours screaming like a bitch

Yeah, it's it's one of those ones where like I've had you know some partners in the past where it's like they're also I kind Of dated mostly people who are in that space where it's like hey, we don't have to explain this to each other Yeah, I understand we have this yeah. And so then, you know, in those areas, we've had, you know, more open fun and it's fun to have a good time. But then after a while, I was like, okay, it's already hard enough having one partner to then add multiple people to the mix is a nightmare. Yeah. And I have a lot of friends who are like big poly fucking lovers. And I'm like, oh, the last thing I want to do is be somebody talking about my tertiary quadrature partner. And it's a, it's a nightmare.

I don't even know what the f*** you said. Exactly. Exactly. Is that French? It's a complicité. All right, let's get out of your f***ing weird sex life. No, I mean, look, I'm a f***ing straight dude with a wife and menopause and a child. I'd give anything to have somebody

touch my dick. I don't care, I might go to that clown school just to get my head. Yeah, and they'd be like, no, no, no, it's a clown technique. I'm developing my craft right now. I got blown in a palace. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, she was Danish.

She was royalty. I only pantomimed a blow job. I did come though, but our eyes were closed. So you come back and you develop this thing. Here's the thing with this, what you're doing. Did you work it out beforehand or did you just go and do it? Because it seems like you would have to just do it. It sucks, it's good, It's good. It sucks less.

Sucks harder. And then it sucks hard again. Are we talking about your sex life again? We had to bring it right back. Yeah. And then he fingers like a straight guy. And then you come all over everybody. And then it's like, thank you. That was art. And they're like, okay, that's clowning. So, so you had, it seems like something you would have to just work through it. Yeah. To get to the end. And then once you got it, you can just keep adding to it. Exactly. Right?

It's the show started because I started off doing a double act with my comedy partner, this guy Viggo Ven. He's an amazing Norwegian clown. He won Britain's Got Talent last year, which is the funniest thing. He's rich and famous now. It's awesome. Right. And he and I would do this double act in like Lycra spandex suits. And we're doing physical comedy and props and it's like nobody wants to hang out with these guys. But I was seeing all these like shitty standups getting booked for all these gigs that I felt

like we were definitely good enough to do and we were, you know, the only people who would take us were these cabaret and variety and magic knights and like burlesque. There's this burlesque scene that we grew up in doing like the Edinburgh Fringe and stuff. And I just was like at a certain point I'm'm like am I gonna try and knock down these doors of everyone who doesn't want us or should we just go do our own thing? And I know all these amazing talented freaks

who don't do conventional standup, I guess. Well because standups, look at man, we're a snobby little bunch. Like I said, when we started Improv back in Boston, and Boston at the time was a hot spot for standups. Did you work with Ron Lynch back in the day? No. Yeah, I know he's old, he's in Boston, and Boston at the time was a hot spot for stand-up. Did you work with Ron Lynch back in the day? Um, no. Yeah, I know he's in LA, he's a good, fun weirdo

who's like a definitely all-time here. Well, me, Patrice, Billy, Gary Gullman. Yeah, yeah. But me and Dan were in an improv group, so we would show up and do sketches and improv, and then we'd do stand-up, too, but they hated us. Yeah. Because we would come in and just take over the fucking show. Oh, yeah. And it wasn't stand-up too, but they hated us. Because we would come in and just take over the fucking show.

And it wasn't stand-up. So people would all, when we first started, we got so much shit from the stand-up community because it wasn't stand-up. We were getting easy laughs, and that's what they called easy. Because you're up there doing stand-up, and our community's snobby, so it's hard to break in with some of this.

Did you, did the comics? For sure, and it's funny, because there was a lot of comics who did embrace it, and especially, I kinda came up on the Australian, European, like more UK, like fringe and festival scenes, so they have a bit more. Acceptance. Yeah, they're more open to that.

I did comedy in Amsterdam, and I remember one of the comics, his whole bit was, he would put a, lie backwards, put a towel over his face, draw a mouth on his thing and his whole act would be, it looked like the guy with, he'd have like, eyes on his chin and this would be the mouth and he would do his whole act like that

and he would murder. And I would just sit off stage infuriated. Cause I gotta go out after him and be like, hey, what's up? This is my life. And I don't have a button eyes on my chin. You motherfucker. So that is the exact guy I'm trying to book and try and put together a lineup of people like that. But I just felt, I felt like that was more my speed. But in the same way that there is like, you know, the, uh, like the right of passage or the snobbery and stand-up there's the same thing in clown and I do that shit

You know I love this art form and I talk so highly of this thing that I love then you see me go out there and I'm Like my shirts tucked into my underwear I've given myself thrush three times from this costume because it's been so wet and I'm soaking wet for hours at a time I'm doing horrible jokes, and I'm like yeah, but that's high art right there. I'm doing the same shit as well, but I just like and I'm like, yeah, but that's high art right there. So I'm doing the same shit as well, but I just like, you also have so many horrible clowns as you do standups and improvisers.

It's just been the- I feel like you've actually, by watching these clips and seeing your stuff, you've actually made it into something new though. And because there's energy in it, and because you're kind of making fun of yourself, and you also have your sound guy who, look, I do the bonfire with Big J. Oakeson yeah and we

have DJ Lou on the board it's awesome isn't it and dude we'll be talking and all of a sudden the sound bed will come in like I was talking about something country and then this country you hear the the the horses and the thing and then he'll say something and he just he's a magician on the board. Like Fred Norris on Stern. There's people that just speak comedy through sound, through other people's voices, through sound effects, through music,

and they just know when to lay it in. And DJ Lou is a master at it. The show would not be the same without this guy. But he couldn't get on stage and talk at it. Like the show would not be the same without this guy. Absolutely not. But like he couldn't get on stage and talk at all. No. Is this in this your guy is working with you as you're going. So I have two. So my main guy is my best friend, Johnny Woolley. He's a Canadian guy. I met at clown school. He's my director. He's directed all the shows that I've made, including the the double act.

And you know, we write a lot of the jokes together and we're best friends. We've spent, you know, this year's 10 years. We've known each other most of the last together and we're best friends. We've spent you know this year's ten years We've known each other most of the last ten years with each other than a part And so we're in each other's brains We have this you know fucked up chemistry the way that you guys do when you guys are playing and and So we we'd like all the same stuff. He knows what I'm going for We have a great dance with each other where we both think we're leading this but like You know we're just adding fuel to the fire and just pumping it up. And he doesn't perform so much.

He is a great performer, but he's more been behind the scenes the last few years. Whereas then my second guy is my buddy Jeremy. He's got Jeremy Elder, who's a great comedian as well. And he's in a sketch group. So he's a great performer and I trust him as a writer and a performer. But he's one of, again, two people I would trust

for a gig that really matters. To be behind and be like, hey, you're in this invisible double act with me, and I need you with me like this, and that's where all of your comedic timing comes out. And we're big music fans. We always say it's, people say comedy is about timing.

For us, I think it's just comedic rhythms. And that's maybe what this clown school teaches you is by doing your complicite and working. I feel like what I'm doing all the time is kind of like echolocating with the crowd, where you throw a little thing out there, you see how it lands, you kind of gauge where that tension is in your body of the room

and then just be like, how can I burst this and what do I need to do to hit that tension and whether that's with the sound effect or physical movement or gag and same thing. Stand up is tempo. I remember when I first started this old fucking black comic I had to drive around because I was his driver, not even the host and he was telling me it was it's just music yeah this tempo I

mean that's how we find that temple like you can you can you know David tells tempo yeah you know what I mean you know Louis CK's temple you know cat Williams temple you know Chris Rocks temple you can same you know exactly once you get your temple they call it a voice or whatever yeah once you get your temple you can drop anything into that tempo. And you make people laugh with that. I mean, that's exactly it. I actually have a question. From Sandy, this is my show.

And I know you're all, he's so excited that you're here. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like he couldn't stop talking. He literally was trying to kick Lynn Coplitz out of the studio. He was like- He threw her out. Get her out. He threw of the studio. He was like, get her out. He threw her out physically.

He threw her down the stairs. She's down at the bottom of the stairs right now. What's your question, Daddy? How much of the sound guy, who's lead, I feel like sometimes it seems like the sound guy's leading more than you are, but I don't, I've just watched it a lot to the point where I've, I'm not sure how much of the sound guy leading. Do you want to know the real answer or the answer we give to folks? Can we do both? Both. I'll be the folks. Yeah, give him the real answer. You know what switch that let him be the folks

Yeah, I want to be the real answer. Hey, man. We're just kind of figuring it out. You know, it's gonna like figure it out That's the folks. Yeah, just kind of keep it there for us It's like we have a set list and we have a ton of jokes that we the hour that I do with it We have about 90 minutes of material There is i'd say 70 of it is locked down of like we know when this is going to happen and the other 30 It's like whenever that arises. We don't know when it's going to happen We know when this moment's going to come so it keeps it fresh for us But then me and johnny are both idiots. I think i'm like well i'm leading this

I think i'm in charge and he also goes well, no i'm leading this i'm in charge So you have two guys who love this they both want this to work well, I'm leading this, I think I'm in charge. And he also goes, well, no, I'm leading this, I'm in charge. So you have two guys who love this, they both want this to work, they both think they're in charge. And so we have this kind of overlapping where I'd say 70% of it's probably planned, 30 is probably improvised,

but then other nights it'll switch and not to jack ourselves off camp style. Well, you can, because you can. But I can, because I'm bisexual. He's married to a girl, which sucks, but she's bi, so we're allowed to do it. And basically. I wanna be a sound guy on this thing. Well, yeah, he's married to a girl, which sucks, but she's bi, so we're allowed to do it. And basically, yeah.

I wanna be a sound guy on this thing. It's a fucking hell of a gig. I'm gonna start doing this, Danny. You're my sound guy, you're gonna jerk me off. Yeah, well, that's what- Joe, you're sucking me off. Yeah. And Zach, you can watch.

No, Zach, I don't wanna. No, no, no, you're not allowed to, yeah. I don't want Zach to just stare at me jerking me off with not blinking. Is this what you like? Yeah, I think we've had one review that called it like clown jazz and we kind of took it like that as like, I mean, look, I'll take that.

That makes it sound awesome and add some pretentious flavor to it. Here's the thing with your show. You can't just walk into an open mic with 10 people. Like a comic can just go in with 10 people and do our thing. Like if you go into like a shitty open mic one night, you have to have a crowd on this.

Well, it's funny you say that. One of the first times I ever did it was at an open mic at a place in LA called the Lyric Hyperion. This was maybe like six years ago. And I caused a fucking ruckus apparently this day because I went on first, I spilled some beer, I did a bad airplane joke, I did this Baja Man joke that I love and everyone was moaning and groaning and then afterwards it set off this reaction the mic where people were just like we just can't let these like privileged

white guys come in here. Oh my god. They thought I was real and I was like I went into a room full of stand-ups doing a stand-up character and not a single person knew I was joking and I'm like dude I'm soaking wet in sink water, my fly's undone, I've got handcuffs and an ankle monitor on, there's toilet paper hanging out of my shoes. I'm like, come on, y'all, let's like fucking wake up. So that's fucking stupid. Yeah, and they were like, they were like, you know, going like we as a community need to decide once and for all what is and isn't comedy.

And people were going back and forth. And then eventually towards the end, one guy was like, I'm sorry, does anyone know who that Zack guy is or the Jack guy is? And someone was like, yeah, he's right here, and I popped back out and he's like, brother, have you ever done comedy before? And I was like, no, it was my first time, like, do you have any notes?

Like, I've got a show tomorrow night, I'd like really love your feedback. And then the last guy, there was like six people left, he set up a full tripod camera and he was like, so I was in the Marines, no applause, waiting for everyone to give him one of these. Why would LA people applaud people fighting for our country? Of course not, they would never. Read the room, brother.

They want you to suck and fucking jack each other off. That's clown. Well, you got the right to suck and fucking, because of those Marines. I know, I appreciate your service. That's damn right. That extra service. Isn't that the craziest thing?

These guys, these Southern redneck all men, I'm going to fight so you can suck and fuck each other as much as you want. Absolutely, and you wanna have a parade about it, I wanna go about town, I wanna get my titties out, I wanna go wild. You have titties? Look, I was on one of those shows 20 years ago

and I did have the worst tits in the crowd. But yeah, he was just like, on one hand, I'm really ago and I did have the worst hits in the crowd. But yeah, he was just like, you know, on one hand, I'm really proud to fight for Jack's freedom to have said what he wanted. And on the other hand, I wish I could rub his face in the bottle of beer he spilled so he could feel what shame was. It was quiet. And then he went, so yeah, so I'm single. I just like could not believe it. I'm like, dude, that is who I'm making fun of. Like, and I just I could not believe this. I'm like dude, that is who I'm making fun of. And I just, I could not believe this. And I'll go and do open mics as Tucker

when I'm developing new stuff, because if it sucks, awesome. It's like the worse it gets, the better. But the creation of that character, I've had like 450 walkouts, 460 walkouts throughout this process and like it like really. They just don't get it. Or they don't like it, which is also totally fair.

Well I tell you, we used to have a guy, fuck what was his name, back in Boston. Now Boston is blue collar. Yeah. And back when we were coming up, stand up was stand up. I mean we were coming up, I mean with Lenny Clark, Kevin Knox, Steve Sweeney, Don Gabb,

I mean these guys are still fucking the Mount Rushmore of comedy, but still working Yeah, still had I mean we left because we were never going to ever make it past that we had to get out of there Because they were not giving up their spots no to us would you and it was just crazy Funny, holy shit stand-ups, but they had a guy what the fuck was his name But he would go up Crazy, and he had like a mark yet all props one of his final bits was a marshmallow gun We had marshmallows, and he would shoot

Every he had this bit and he'd shoot and he'd go crazy and he'd spill stuff And he'd shoot marshmallows, and then you had to go up after and do your stand-up stepping and fucking marshmallows and beer Yeah, and it's like you fucking you Asshole pick up your marshmallows Yeah, and then at the end he go good night, and he would just put his thing up and they'd shut the lights out He'd have him shut the light and it was just his silhouette And I remember me Patrice and Billy and Dane one night we were like fuck at the end of all our sets We're all gonna go, good night!

Because it was just like, there is a thing where it's like, fuck you, dude. Fuck you, we're going up there and just talking, and you're going up with a marshmallow gun. You motherfucker. Let me tell you, it would be a dream. I've never performed, I say it, like when people ask, are you a standup, I'm like, put it this way,

I've never performed in jeans. And I wish I could just show up, look nice, and not bring a ton of shit. I fully have a rubber chicken and a backup rubber chicken for this costume. It's a nightmare. I've got fake dynamite and fake pistols. I've got fake money that I have $100 bills in here

that are like my, you know, kerchief type thing that this girl I'm seeing, I went and got her some soup the other day in Chinatown and I went to pay for this soup with cash and I pulled out fake money, not knowing, and then- And they took it cause they're- Well, no, they ran it through the machine. I was like, that's weird.

They're like, they're profiling me. I'm a beautiful white guy, what the hell? And they- I'm bisexual. And I'm bisexual and I'm a Jew and you're gonna do this to me? I'm my fucking city. I have fucking nine checks off the box. Yeah, I'm bisexual. And I'm bisexual and I'm a Jew and you're gonna do this to me? I'm my fucking city. I have fucking nine checks off the box.

Yeah, I'm taking it. I fuck chicks, I fuck dudes. I'm ready to, I'm willing to shave, I'll book. And they like, you know, I went through and it was, I realized, oh my God, this was like fake money from the show that ended up in my wallet. And they went through this whole thing and they're screaming at me and I had to be.

Didn't bother you, you didn't know because your face was on it? Well, you know, I thought about it. But I thought maybe they would honor a bisexual, put him on the $20 bill. It was actually the $69 bill. And I thought, like, they were yelling at me, and I was trying to be like, no, no, no,

I'm like a comedian, it's a character, it's a prop. And I'm like, I have real money here, and I paid for it. But then I was late to get her this food, and she had to leave and, no, no, no, I'm like a comedian, it's a character, it's a prop, and I'm like, I have real money here and I paid for it, but then I was late to get her this food and she had to leave and couldn't eat it and got mad at me and I was like, come on, this is like, when is this ever gonna happen where you're dating a clown who pulls out fake money by accident, but that's like, that's the curse of this.

I don't want to be that guy. I want to be able to not lug a suitcase. Like, I dropped off a suitcase before I came here with a fucking puppet and fake dynamite with my buddy. Let me tell you something. It's a nightmare. I remember a friend of mine who's a magician, he called me up one time, he was in New York,

and he said, hey man, what are you doing? I go, I gotta do my pocket, I have a set at the cellar. Hey, do you mind if I leave my case in your studio? I was like, what? He goes, I have to do stuff around the city, but I have my magic case. And it's like, yeah. I do.

I do mind. I don't want this in here. I don't want this voodoo in here. I don't know where the fuck you're gonna get a big case. He had to lug around with all this shit. It is a pain in the ass. Because if you forget your shit, you're fucked. The only stuff I take with me when I travel

is I always have the suit that I wear, my costume, is with me and my microphones, because I bash them around and put them in my mouth, and I'm like, I want to be respectful to the equipment of the venue, so I have my own stuff I take with me, but I have that, I have a Livestrong bracelet and a wedding ring, and that travels with me,

and if all of my clothes and everything else gets lost, I'm like, that's replaceable, But this costume, I gotta have this costume. What is the, what is the character you do? How did you come up with this guy? Um, I, so my name is Zach Zucker. The character is called Jack Tucker. So you know, a lot of really deep thought there. It's a, what is that called?

Cozumuzap? Yeah, complicité. It's a French thing called Switching the letters of your name. But it sounds more like a real name than Zack Zucker. And then I would do a bit on it later where it's like, that's actually my stage name. My real name is Tony Bologna. Well, I'm Spanish. It's Antonio Bologna.

But I'm trying to figure out who I am. But I just, again, I was seeing these bad comics and I did this open mic in Paris. That's like the worst night in the world It's like an English speaking comedy night And I was going out there just like asking everyone if they'd ever been to Paris and if they liked If you guys like I mean, look at this I felt can you believe this thing Eiffel Tower? Yeah, it is an Eiffel I can't see anything It's great to be here. You know kept like looking at my hand and looking at notes and then I saw you know

I love Tim Heidecker I love Greg Turkentine as Neil Hamburger and I was I saw them live and I was like, oh this is This is how you can apply this. I'm like, let me find my version of this and you know, I Love to I love that cringe Discomfort that's kind of in clown You know the that moment when it bombs and it sucks like while the flop or the shit then it's like that's where we live Is in those moments and so much of the show is like finding that tempo, cutting all the air out, and then slamming it back down,

and then growing off of that. Well, it's funny to me because everybody loves a clown. Everybody, you know, look, when I go, I've been overseas a bunch of times, and you see people. I feel like a lot of people hate clowns. That's like the biggest fear in the world. No, let me finish my point before you, Danny.

Who the fuck is this guy? Danny, will you shut the fuck up? You thought you were a fan, Danny. We know you love him. I get it, stop sticking up for him. I'm not trashing him. I have a point to make. My point is, when you go out, when you're on the street,

when you're in Vegas, when you're in Europe, and you see somebody doing stuff on the streets, you always stop. You have to. You always stop and you watch. Is he gonna do the thing? But even that stupid thing, you love it when they do it, when they do the rope or they're just standing there.

You always are like fucking amazed with that. Even as a standup, I'm always like checked out. And I know that certain standups are like, fucking queer, but I. Rocks. I fucking. Dude, I love magic. People always put magic down.

I'm like yo nuts You just haven't seen good magic and you're not opening your mind to it It's crazy that this other these other entertaining are that guy that I had to follow in stupid Amsterdam Face that on the ice I still watch it the first night was like I this is fucking pretty funny Yeah, you know it just sucked that I had to go up after it without the bells and whistles, right? But if I'm just watching bells and whistles,

if I'm watching people do something different, why would you not enjoy that? Like when he sent me your stuff, he's like, yeah, check this guy out, and he's done this before. He's a genius, I'm like, ugh. But I watched it, I couldn't stop watching it. Because I don't know what the fuck you're gonna do next. I don't know where you're going with it.

Your sound guy is great. You guys are working in unison. Which is nuts. But the one thing that I really appreciate, the crowd's loving it. And there's moments of, oh shit, where they're like, what's happening? And then you pull it back out of that

and you get them back into the guy in the show. To me again, I love talking about the performance and what goes into it behind it, but to me, I want to be pulling out the rug. I want the rhythm to feel like rug pull, rug pull, Kabuki curtain drop, walls fall off, psych. We were here all night. Wow, you are gay.

Just kidding, I'm gay as fuck. And we dash and a little da da da da da da. Wow, that was fucking beautiful. You know what I mean? But I love that. You just turned into Liza Minnelli. Start, why, she wouldn't go backwards half. I felt like I was getting my hair out,

getting to the side, nails done, silhouette, good night. Rug out, rug out, kabuki curtain. Fuck, I wanna to do that. But it's so fun and for me what I really believe has been maybe my, I think is my strength and maybe the weakness where it lends itself to a lack of preparation is like there's nothing more important than what the audience is laughing at.

Who gives a fuck about your stupid ideas, what our teacher would say. So if they like something, do it. Do it forever and ever and ever and ever and trust that you'll get back. If you have your material, you can go back to that later and it's like that's your next launching point to go and find that next thing.

And sometimes it sucks, like I fucking bomb. And it's- Have you bombed a whole show? Yes, especially when I was developing this. But now, like now that you're going out there, people are there to see you. Yeah. And have you ever just taken a hot one?

Yeah. And what do you do then? You just, I drive myself. Can you go, like look, a comic, we can always go to the crowd and be like, ah, go fuck yourself, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But then get a, you know, some type of crowd work clip and then we become famous on YouTube

and then we sell out every fucking club in the world. And then you get a $30 million crowd. And then Netflix gives you a special. Yeah, yeah, yeah. club in the world And then you get a $30 million crowd. Anyways, you know what I mean? We have the out of reality. Do you have that out? It's the worst thing that I've done a few times is tell them that it's going so poorly and you torpedo that or I've only maybe once or twice been like

you know this is a character, right? And they're like, yeah, we know. This just sucks. And I'm like, oh man, this is I've not done that one in a while, but like- Come out of character? Yeah. You became Zack? I mean, I'm barely in character. I'm having a fucking blast.

You know what I mean? Like, I'm not like so into my fucking mind. You know, again, if the funniest thing is to get out of the character right now, I'll do that. But then there's, if it's funny to get out of it, then there's maybe an even funnier way to stay in it, as I try to remember. But of course, I don't wanna be some fucking loser. I want them to think I'm cool as hell

and like this thing. But what we do is, I have this thing called the Paris Ending, because the first time I did Tucker in Paris, it was to 10 people in a crowd. No sound effects, no voice. I just had the costume. Nobody laughed the whole time. And what I did was I just packed up in silence at the end, I walked out the venue and I was in the

hallway where they could still hear me and I faked a phone call with my mother in character being like, yeah mom, yeah yeah, it went great tonight, like they were loving it. No no no yeah, you can't hear them now but they're laughing, the acoustics in here are great, you can't hear anybody laughing. What? It's terminal. Oh yeah yeah okay okay, I'll be on the next flight. And then begged her to send me money because I couldn't get home and just made this really uncomfortable feeling where my friends were cracking up and no one else was liking it. And I say once a year or once a season, I get one Paris ending where if the crowd's not into it, which happened in September this year, I was doing, it was my fourth off Broadway run of the show this

year. Where? We did Soho Playhouse a few times and we did the Vineyard Theater. I was supposed to be the Connolly and then we got shut down by the Catholic Church because they own the Connolly. Because you're bisexual? Because I'm bisexual and I'm a Jew. Right. And I called Jesus the gayest man alive because he has six fuckable holes. I was like, tell me that guy's not the son of God.

We're very close to Christmas right now. Mom, I'm sorry. He's a twink, he's in a fucking party in Bushwick, you know stapled to some fucking wooden cross. So funny, I'm still adding up the holes. Yeah, yeah. Wrist, wrist, foot, foot, mouth, butt. Isn't foot one?

Well he's got two ankles. Okay, if you're gonna fuck the foot, wouldn't you just fuck the one big hole? Well that's the thing is you can put them together. Get yourself a little thing like this. That's seven holes. Yeah, and you know you could kind of wedge it in there. If you're gonna fuck the foot, wouldn't you just fuck the one big hole? Well, that's the thing is you can put them together. Right. Get yourself a little thing like this. That's seven holes. Yeah, and you know, you could kind of wedge it in there.

He's probably, some. Oh, and the wound. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay, I didn't count the sword wound. Yeah, you can get him there as well. The Judas spot. This is definitely not getting on YouTube. Please, please, please, please, please.

Just bleeps, bleeps, bleeps all across. But yeah, it was just because it was a whole thing, so then the Vineyard took us on short notice and it was I just come from doing Three weeks of sold-out shows in London. Everyone's loving it did 750 seats eight nights in Edinburgh. Everyone's loving it I'm being I'm literally flying out of the venue every night in a fucking harness with Sparklers like cold flames going up and I came back to the vineyard. It was a Friday We opened Saturday was night to Sunday was night three and you know it was like 120 people in there so it's already you know 600 person difference and then Sunday we

had like 40 50 people in the crowd and I was like hey you know what 50 person crowd I've done these before let's give them the fucking show of a lifetime I'm gonna give them everything and I was giving it and they just gave me nothing and I was like you know what fuck you guys it's usually never your fault but tonight this one is on you oh you said that and I just then me nothing and I was like, you know what, fuck you guys. It's usually never your fault, but tonight this one is on you. Oh, you said that. And I just then did a Paris ending where I have these two Spider-Man masks,

oops, I just unplugged something. I have these two Spider-Man masks that are just hanging out of the back of my pocket the whole show and I never really address it, but it's just part of the costume, part of the lore, maybe Jack's Spider-Man, maybe he's Times Square, Spider-Man, we don't know. But I then put the mask on and I pulled the mic stand out like a cane and I was just like

walking around kind of like packing up and muttering to myself and eventually we turned the house lights up and my buddy came out dressed as Jesus on roller skates and he was like, everyone out, get the fuck out. And I was up in the rafters with like the mic stand like this kind of like scoping people kind of just like grunting and we were just like, let's just get fucking, I was like, I think I even said if Marina Abramovich did this, you of just like grunting. And we were just like, let's just get fucking, I was like, I think I even said, if Marina Abramovich did this, you would call this performance art.

But because I'm doing this, you guys are uncomfortable right now. But we just leant in, we leaned into this thing and we're like, let's just, let's see if we can find anything from this and just get exploratory. But it can definitely be uncomfortable. It's like-

Did you do this on Martha's Vineyard? Yeah. Okay. And we gave it to her. Yeah, we're just trying to find stuff. It's such a highfalutin Irish Catholic Boston vacation spot. Coming there and doing some fucking fucked up, you know. Stuff like that.

I like to shake it up and it's like, I'm not trying to, I have no political agenda. I'm not trying to do anything other than make people laugh. And if you are, if I'm gonna give you absolutely everything and you're still not with me, I feel like, as a bisexual Jew, it's my God given right to be able to fuck around and just have some fun and be like, all right, well, this is what you're giving me,

I'm gonna give this back to you. And it's like, it doesn't feel fun, does it? It's not nice. So they were giving you a? Nothing. But the people who stayed, who had seen the show before or saw that show, it's like, that's your favorite show that you see, because stayed and who had seen the show before saw that show It's like that's your favorite show that you see because I cannot believe did people walk out of that show

Oh, yeah, for sure There was one guy that was asleep an old man was asleep in the for 45 minutes in the front row and I was like talking to that was one funny part I was talking to him for like eight minutes and he just had a one-way conversation with a guy who's fully asleep You know, we're blasting loud sound effects too and did not budge and then the end, you know Clap then the show was over and then just left. Well, the best part about being a standup in those situations, I can just leave.

Yeah. But you have to pack up. I know, so many props. I got like snakes in a can, I got like seven remote control rats. And then out there, they don't, people don't know this, they don't have taxis. You have to take a shared van.

Yeah. On the island, you don't know this, that you have to call a taxi, it comes, it's a shared van on the island. You don't know this, that you have to call a taxi, it comes, it's a shared van. So you have to share a van. With all of my stinky props. With your stinky props and probably people that were at the show.

Oh yeah, it's a nightmare. It's a nightmare. It's a nightmare. Usually I say hi to everyone afterwards, I'll shake their hands, we'll try and sell some merch. In that show I'm like, let's just put the merch away, we're not gonna sell anything tonight. I don't want them to know how they can find me.

I don't want them to find me through Venmo and find my phone number and say something to me. But here's the thing about your stuff, dude, is that you can't have, as a standup, you can have an off night. You can go up in different moods. You don't have to be that, I don't have to be, I have energy, but I don't have to have energy.

If I go up, blah, blah, blah, I can switch it up, you know, whatever, I can actually stand, sit down if I wanted to, you know what I mean? If I was feeling, but you have to give it 150%. Constantly. Like you can't go out and not fucking perform. No. Like you have to go out, how do you pump yourself up?

I, you know, I'm really just like, I mean, this sounds gay as hell, but it's okay, Cause I'm allowed to be, I just like, I like, I love it. I love to perform. I love to be on stage when I was at this clown school doing like this vaudevillian performance, like that slapstick farce fun moving around, like wasn't getting to you. Did that. Yeah. Moving around, moving around. It sounded really cool. Yeah. And then you did that. Then I made it gay as hell. And then it became cool. Well, it's in, but it's not cool, but it's in or out or in and out and something like this. And now it's gay again. Pull it back out. I'm straight in. I'm gay. Yeah. And then lick it. You're not gay. Something like this. But again, I will if it's after 10 PM,

it'll help my career. I'm in the back of the comedy cellar. Anything can happen tonight. Yeah. It's, I, I, I love, I love to do it. And it and I think of, you know, again, there's, when I teach clown, there's- You teach it? I do, I teach clown. All right, can you teach me something? Yeah. Okay, go ahead.

Okay, so close your eyes. Are you gonna fuck- Open your mouth. Yeah. Do you feel the complicit day? I have a friend who took your class- Danny, you're just yapping. It's not your show.

I thought the D stood for Danny. I thought it was you know what Danny? Alright go ahead Danny, you're so excited. I have a friend that took the class last week or whenever it was and said that some people cried on the first day. Yeah. What?

Because it's just, it forces you to kind of face your shit. Like, because in stand up it's like if we don't like you it's, it's like, if we don't like you, it's your material. In clown, if we don't like you, it's like, because you suck. And it's the version of yourself, again, to get wanky about it, it's like, it's the version you're bringing yourself, sucks, and we hate that. And there's a better version you're not showing,

and if you want this thing to work, you have to show all of that, all the bad shit, and love it, and roll around in your own shit, and share that with us. Otherwise, we're gonna say fuck you out of your wasting my time. I think the, maybe one of the things I've learned from my teacher 10 years later from this is like

there's all these different tricks to give yourself the brain disease to be able to keep going. And like what? Like, it's never that the clown's wrong or bad. They're just not lucky today. But this next one, this next one's gonna work. And it's like this never ending spirit that like no matter what, it's going to work out.

And you have to just like keep going and know that any moment it could work. And that if you're down, the only way you can go is up. Unless you stay down. But if you're down eventually long enough, you will come up again. Unless you're really down there. Then you might be down there for a while.

But you just keep finding these tricks to just keep going. And just like. I think standups are like that too. Like when you bomb and you're always trying to find a way out of the bomb. Of course, and the best ones all share this. It's the same thing that people love with Robin Williams or Mr. Bean or Steve Martin or Steve Carell

or any of these people in that way. It's like you wanna see people just keep going for it. And I think eventually when you hit that place of like uninhibited flow or improvising or whatever this connection is, it's like we're all in that same spot, it's just how does that look? And for me, mine's a little razzle dazzle.

But like if I was gonna take your clown course, right? What would be one of the things that you'd teach me to do? Like is there something I can do right now? Like a physical thing, like you would be like, try this. I give a lot of like impossible tasks, because you want to see people try stuff. Or like things- You want to make Danny a headliner?

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, fuck you Danny. You brought me here, you're done dog. I think it's like you give them impossible tasks Are you give them situations where they're gonna look stupid or put yourself in the shits like one game that we would do at schools Philippe would be like there's this new washing machine and You guys you have to be this washing machine and demonstrate how this is gonna work and it's like be a washing machine and convince Me right now you are a washing machine

But you have prestige because there's investors in the room and we need this to go well So we'd be like, alright start to finish be a washing machine, but you have prestige, because there's investors in the room, and we need this to go well. So you'll be like, all right, start to finish, be a washing machine. And you have nine people doing different versions of this, and there's no right or wrong answer. It's just like, are you having fun doing the thing you're doing? And are you listening to how that's landing?

It sounds gay as fuck. It sucks. I mean, it's a nightmare. It sounds so uncomfortable. If I was in there and you said be a washing machine, I would be like no. I'm gonna be Bob, because I would be so.

But then that could work, because also it's about saying no, or saying fuck you and just doing what you want. So if that's what pushes you there. Alright, let me try to be a washing machine. Yeah, be a washing machine. A fancy washing machine. Yeah, yeah.

And remember, there's investors here. What are the investors doing though? Looking to which washing machine. Yeah, yeah. And remember, there's investors here. What are the investors doing though? Looking to which washing machine to put money into. You be a washing machine and I'll be a washing machine. Because they're looking at you too. Well, I'm facilitating. I'm a competitive washing machine. Yeah, yeah.

I can't, if I have no goals, I can't be the best washing machine. If I'm the only washing machine, then I have nothing to try to beat. So I need another washing machine. So then this is what I would do. Danny, come over here and be a washing machine. Danny, come over here.

If this was the class. This is Danny's dream, by the way. This is Danny's dream. Danny, get over here. If this was the class, I'd start playing some triumphant music underneath you and dim the lights a little bit and give you the moment to talk about how it means to be this washing

machine. All my producers are comedians. They don't know any skills. All right, Danny. All right, let's move this over here. Let's go. Danny? Okay, crouch down.

We're washing machines, dude. We're not a stackable. I will not buy your washing machine. I want nothing to do with your washing machine. Your washing machine is broken. You got my floor wet, my clothes aren't washed, and they smell like fucking peanut butter. See, that was perfect. That was perfect because then to see also your reaction to that and then this, it's like this is a two personperson clown number right here.

One guy's on a completely different page than the rest of them. And he ruins the other guy's thing. There you go. It's perfect. And you ruined my W. That was perfect. He literally... Yeah.

You got to take a huge risk that will probably suck. I want you to leave. It's got to be a choice that can lose your job. I hope this affects your career. This is the clip right here. I hope. Let me tell you something, Danny. And look how funny you're fighting. Was that your water? No, that was yours. You're fired. You better take his class because you're gonna be being, you're a clown right now. Your stand-up class is done. That's awesome. This cocksucker. I had a good fucking washing machine I was gonna do. But you gotta beat that. You

gotta beat it now. Yeah I'm not gonna be the washing machine. Your washing machine was better than my washing machine because your washing machine got laughs. I didn't know where to fucking go at all. I was the washing machine. I had fucking two waters here. I would't know we were fucking going all out as a wash machine. I had fucking two waters here. I would have done that. But yours was broken. Yours just shot water out of the top, which is a shit wash machine. There's people here to buy our wash machines and they're not going to buy yours now. And they're not even going to know to buy mine because they left because your washing machine was fucking nuts. My washing machine was stable, stable, like this, and I had fancy buttons on top,

and I was gray, not white. I was a gray, fancy new Whirlpool washing machine, and I was gonna do this. I was a front end motor, and you had steam, and I had steam. At one point, I would go, sssss, and I was gonna steam the clothes, so you don't have to iron iron them and your shit was from 19

Just an old white one that fucking white trash meth heads have and you spill water all over shit So you fired it This is your last white gay WD and it's your fault you fucking gay cloud That don't take over You're a dryer Don't fucking move. I can't drink my drink. That's awesome. See that I would book that on a heartbeat That was a comedy masterclass that's a two-person clown masterclass right there well because I have a That was a comedy master class. That's a two person clown master class right there.

Well, because I have a je ne plaisaitais. Je ne plaisaitais. And I'm bisexual too. Danny, come suck me up. And this time, you can keep your eyes open. And I'll kiss you. I'll kiss you if you want. But it's going to be dry, like the dryer.

Well, it's funny because. That's awesome. That was awesome. I mean, that was like, that's it. You know, Danny, you just made his life. That was like performing a coin trick in front of fucking David Copper. Oh my God, Danny. Yeah. I mean, but that's like truly it. It's like, it's we, you know, the use words idiot and stupid, bizarre. And it's like the idiot has to love their idea so hard and to see that laughter with all that,

knowing the consequences. He's retarded. Yeah, big time. It's awesome. It's perfect. You can make him laugh with tin foil. Oh, then there you go. My friend, you've employed a clown.

Yeah, Danny's on a comic, he's a clown. Yeah. Danny the Clown, you gave him a new nickname. I bet you every week he's gonna come in here fucking fall. Yeah, I mean, that's some of the best work we ever done are just pratfalls slip in my buddy Dylan my best friend Dylan spilled 160 pounds worth of beers at the fringe It was I think 18 beers across our buddies podcast that I was a guest in and we ruined the floors and they had to rip up the floors and replaster and paint them but

It was the funniest physical comedy I've ever seen in my life Yeah, and it's like that when comedy I've ever seen in my life. And it's like that, when he did it the first time, I was like, well, he can't come, he can't not come back the second time. You know who reminds me, like, who does something different that's weird and uncomfortable, and people get freaked out by it is Rick Glassman,

who I love, you know, I met him on a whim. Somebody was like, he called me, he was in town. I did a podcast at his fucking hotel room It was uncomfortable. Yeah, I had to take my shoes off He was weird and buddies he does that you you always kind of doing it you got to go with him Yeah, if you try to pull them to the Podcast side or the regular side even when he comes on my show He kind of just takes over and if you let it if you just go with it You have a lot of fun and stupid silly shit happens. That's it. That's I mean if you fight it it gets uncomfortable for you

Yeah, cuz never for him. No, cuz he's there's nothing to be uncomfortable about he's living the fucking dream doing his thing I mean, that's it. Usually when we're guests on stuff, you know, it's like we have a reputation I think for being the bad boys or it's like hey hey, it's going to get fucked up. Something, something is going to go wrong. Right. When you invite us into your space. And I love that. And I'm never trying to do that, but it's just like, if the opportunity presents itself, I'm going to have to do this. Right. Why would I not do this? Why would I not encourage this to happen? This is awesome to see it. Seeing the paper slowly melting and seeing the notes bleed on each other is perfect. That's exactly what I wanted.

You got a free phrase, slow mo on my face, when you spilled water. Oh, God. At first I thought you were drooling. And I was like, oh God, he broke. Yeah. And he's drooling out of his mouth. He's drooling out of his mouth and spinning around in circles. The autistic kid panicked and went, ugh, and it just came out. It's perfect.

Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I love that. I love people who come on and bring that energy, or they have something where it's like, hey, this is like a force of nature presence, persona, character, whatever it is. And no matter what you do, it just gets put into that like,

well, I'm gonna keep on doing this thing then. Like there's nothing you can do to stop it or beat it. What's your favorite part of your act? That you you know you're gonna do that you get into that is gonna get a you know like this is gonna kill This usually kills I Did the printer Danny's a printer? Yeah, the printer's wet Did he just print it? I don't print out new stuff, you pussy. That's not clown art.

No, no, no. Unless you print it out and it comes over soaking wet, I don't want it. You understand, the funny part is me trying to read the questions off of this fucking wet piece of toilet paper you jackass. If you hand me a fresh question note, you have no clown in you.

You are double fired. You are not allowed, you are double fired you are not allowed you are black this is awesome. Oh this is a nightmare. That's incredible. Oh god. I feel like I'm taking a peeling it's like a tattoo. I feel like I'm taking Danny's underwear off. There we go that's nice. That's nice right there. I'm gonna take that here. I didn't know you were bisexual. I want you to take... Yes you did.

So does my wife. She knows about the trips. Oh my God. She knows why I'm out late doing comedy. She knows why I stop at a truck stop on the way home every night. No, baby, I promise it was the tour manager who took me there. My favorite thing... I wish I was bisexual.

Here's why. Because you have it made. Because at any point, you can just cook up with somebody. Rocks. You know what I mean? First of all, I'm married, so it's just a dungeon. I've made a decision to take my dick off the market because of some fucking law,

some fucking religious code back in the day where you find somebody you love. And I love my wife so much, I love her. And if her thing is, look, you can't have sex with anybody else, I will shut it down. The engine is shut and I am okay with that. I am okay with never ever having sex again. I am okay with making hot chicks laugh and do podcasts

and have people, oh, you're so funny. And I will never ever, I will never ever, I'm fine with it, I am fine with it, I am fine with it, never showing my penis to a beautiful young girl again, I will never do it, because I love my wife. Fellas, I think he's broken. Oh my God, where was I?

Yeah, you don't want to look down? I just have a rod. Yeah, absolutely, rock hard right now. But it is have a rod. Yeah, it's absolutely rock hard right now. But it is like, it's like, wow, what a fucking thing to just be able to go with anybody. But it's also, I then never know, like I'm a pretty flirty person, and I never know if then people are trying to be my friend

or if they're trying to hook up with me, and it's another nightmare position to be in because you misconstrue every interaction. Yeah, and it's like, you don't know, I knew that someday I would be married with a kid. I wanted a family. I never really had that family thing, so I knew that was my goal to try to do that.

I sit home at night, my wife's over there, my kid's downstairs, I'm in the house. And other comics, if you have a wife and kid and you fucking, you know if you have a wife and kid and you fucking you you you quit you gave up and I understand it because the incels will never get laid if you look at if you get married you never get laid but if you to be really successful in this business, you have to sacrifice your family. You have to sacrifice it all.

You cannot, you know, you have to sacrifice it. Very rarely does somebody get the fame having a family. Somewhere along that line, go through the list of them, name them, they divorced that one and got a new one. Or they fucking found it after, or they're never around their kids, they're never home. They're just, you know, they're doing this

while they're there, and then they come back years later. Or they're, you know what I mean? They just, and you know, guys like me who, I chose family. I chose family instead of fame. Because I never had family. And fame to me is some fucking thing that, yeah, it would be great. But the sacrifice to get there,

the phoniness I'd have to be, and the pain I would have to endure to get there Because I was there most of my career Comedy that was it. I woke up. Where's my audition or where's my set? Yeah I'm gonna hook up with chicks late night hang out all night bus balls and I lived that life for a long Fucking time and I just wanted success for a long fucking time, and I just wanted success. I just wanted that. And I was right there, so many,

but I always got pulled back to fucking, I can be a fucking, I don't know, I want that. I love that, I love that, I never had, I can have it. So it was like, alright, I'm gonna pull back. Now look, I never had, I can have it. So it was like, all right, I'm gonna pull back. Now look, I'm successful as shit. I think there's a lot of guys who have families and homes and successful careers. If you're doing what you love and you're providing,

you made it. You did it. You fucking made it. But people always have that other thing where they're selling out arenas and they're multimillionaires and they're driving in the car. There's a lot you have to do to get there. And I just, at my point, I was like,

I don't wanna go for that, right? I wanna go for this, you know what I mean? I was about to lose it all. I was about to lose the one to go for that and I chose to keep the one and try to make that work and it did in my favor, for where I'm about to lose the one to go for that, and I chose to keep the one and try to make that work, and it did, in my favor, for where I'm at. So I feel, you know, but it is like, you're trying to make it now, dude.

You're trying to become a star, right? And, how are you, if you have a family at home, if you have a girlfriend at home, or a kid at home, how are you gonna go on the road for fucking all year long? How are you going to just blow that off? Yeah, it's a it's something that. I've thought about more because I'm like, I mean, this isn't a nuanced take at all, but like, you know, I fucking I mean, this industry sucks.

It's a nightmare. I love to perform and I love to do what I do. And I love my friends. And like for me as someone who never imagined like I never didn't think about having a family but it was never the thing that I was aiming for like the way you speak so passionately about it it's like well yeah this is a man who wants like you you won like you said you got you got what you want and you're doing everything that you're doing and you've nailed it and And I want to, I think I aspire to achieve

that same feeling, whatever that means. I still don't fully know. You know, I've been lucky that I've just booked my first movie and movie roles. What's the movie? Well, I had a movie come out on Thanksgiving. He's sick now, cause Danny's sick. And then he spilled all his fucking stupid washing machine water all over you

I'm sick and now you're gonna die. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're gonna you have Danny AIDS. Yeah, it's so there you go I hope you fucking class worked out Okay, it was it was worth it. It was worth it for this. I hope you caught caught autism, too I hope your eyebrows get big and you don't blink you think I'm a clown and I don't have it already That is true. It's yeah, it's it's true. My first movie I did was called Sweethearts. It's on Macs. What is it? It's like a rom-com new age, rom-com funny movie.

Who do you play? The romantic comment? No. I'm the lead guy's college roommate. I was playing 19. You shave me, put some makeup on and give me a Puka Shell necklace and give me the fingers and I'm a teenager again. I'm 13 years in now and this year I'm very thankful I did four different projects this

year which will hopefully come out in the next five years or whatever it is. What do you mean you did four different movies? Four different movies this year. Wow, that's crazy. Four varying scales of legitimacy in projects but the last one I did which I'm so excited about shot in Chicago in October, and that was the first project I ever booked off of an audition in 13 years.

And earlier that week, funny enough, with my manager, I was like, hey man, be real with me. Do I suck at this? Like. Oh, you did the do I gut it? Yeah, I was like, do I got this shit? It's such a clear question to ask. For real.

We've all done it, dude. Yeah. I did it with my acting teacher. Yeah. Years ago in Boston, I took his class and I said, hey, I want to take you out to dinner. I took him to dinner at La Familia Georgios, where I work.

I told him. You are bisexual. It's a mob home place. So I remember I said, I'm bringing my teacher and they set us up. They gave us all these meals. They hooked me up. My friend, Steven Georgio came over, anything you got it.

You know what I mean? We got you. I love this guy. He's a good guy. And then at the dinner, I remember looking over. I go, let me ask you. Do I got it? He's like, get me another round of dessert.

Yeah, dude. He was like, yeah, I guess you got it. You can eat that piccata. Let me get a little bite of that right there. Looking back on it, it's such a silly thing because you can never ask that question. You can never ask that question. You can never ask that question. You can never ask that question.

You can never ask that question. You can never ask that question. You can never ask that question. You can never ask that question. You can never ask that question. You can never ask that question. You can never ask that question. I don't know how to. Let me get a little bite of that right there. Yeah, it was, looking back on it, it's such a silly thing, because you can never ask that question. Because if you don't know you got it, then how the fuck are they gonna know? That's my biggest thing is when, you know, sometimes people are like,

oh, you guys are like up yourselves a bit, and it's like, well, if I don't think this is the coolest shit in the world, then nobody will. What is a manager gonna tell you? You don't? Yeah, I know. You know what I mean like well if I don't think this is the coolest shit in the world then nobody will. What is a manager gonna tell you? You don't? Yeah I don't know buddy. Their job is to lie to you. Managers jobs are to lie to your face to get your make sure your self-esteem and your confidence is where it needs to be. To maybe go and get that thing. So maybe you'll get that thing.

Their thing is like I like what you do and I'm gonna build you up as much as I can to everybody I'm gonna build anybody I mean I'm gonna fuck I'm selling you yeah and I'm gonna say and when you I'm gonna do you're the best you listen you got this blah blah blah yeah blah blah blah so you can never ask them because you'll never get an honest answer maybe this is a good question for you then because I don't have it. Do I got it? My eyes start taking my shirt off.

I think to me, I think this year, I mean again, I've been performing on the scene for 10 years and I've always believed we were doing awesome stuff. And I do in my heart, our ethos has always been like, if the show is good and the product is good, something will come and you just gotta fucking keep on going. But I think I've struggled where I'm very wary of any of that smoke, like I'm the first one to hate myself and everything that I do and all the stuff that we do,

of course. And- That's a sign of funny to me. Yeah, you have to. If you don't come off stage feeling guilty, Colin Quinn said that to me, if you don't come off stage feeling guilty, you're not a comic.

Yeah. You should walk off and go, fuck, I hate that. I'm always, and to me it's like, if every show is not the best fucking show I've ever done, then I let you down, and I'm a dog piece of shit, and I hate, I should die. Yeah, that's funny. You know, exactly, and I think you down and I'm a dog piece of shit and I hate, I should die. Yeah, that's funny.

Exactly, and I think that drives you. And what I've struggled then to accept is also, I've not made it by any ways. I've done a lot of cool stuff and I think it's going up, but I have a hard time then seeing that within that or acknowledging that there is cool stuff happening and keeping that levelheadedness where I would never think that anyone would try to get something from me,

but because I run a show that people like, people do see me as a guy they can get something from, but I'm like, yo, I'm the guy who's like, forgets to pay his taxes allegedly, and like can't, cut that out, yeah, yeah. And like, you know, I'll like wear my underwear inside out because I forgot to like wash my shit still while I'm on the road. Or like.

You need my washing machine. Please. It was gonna steam my underwear for me. Yeah, it does. And so I think I'm struggling in this moment to accept that to some people, I am this thing that's working, but to myself, I'm like, there's no fucking way.

I'm not even close. You know what I forgot to do? I forgot to do, because I've, there's no fucking way, I'm not even close, you know? You know what I forgot to do? I forgot to do, you know, cause I've been doing this for 30 years, I forgot to enjoy my time. I forgot to enjoy those moments. I was always worried about the next moment. I was always worried about the next thing,

you know, trying to get there, wherever there was. Yeah, and I'm like. And I, the one thing that I think about now, I really, I think about doing the show with Jay. I really just try to enjoy being around my friend Jay. I try to enjoy these podcasts I do. I really want to enjoy this podcast. I like try to enjoy the people I have on

and have these moments where I'm just like, that was fun, that was great. I know after the show, where I'm just like, that was fun, that was great. I know after the show, me and Danny were like, that was good, that was fun. I love that these guys enjoy it and stuff like that. It's like, I didn't do that a lot in my young career because I was so worried about getting there. I never knew where the fuck there was.

And here is not there. And I had no choice about here. This was my fucking path, man. And I look at other people and I'm like, wow, look what he's doing. All the things and all the money and all the things. But it's all relative, dude. It's like, your roof does the same shit my roof does, dude.

It's just like what's inside that house. It touches you while you sleep. It molests me while I sleep, yes. It's all about having relatives in the business. Got it just what's inside that house. It touches you while you sleep. It molests me. Yes. It's all about having relatives in the business. Got it. Got it. Got it. All about being molested. Yeah. And then putting that into a one person show. Oh, my God. Would I love to do that? God. Call molested. Yeah.

You'd be in the times. Great. Like the vagina monologues, where it's just a bunch of comics talking about their molestation. And they're all making it up too. It's an offensive play. We did that one at the cellar. We all went around the table and told each other our molestation stories. Summer camp, here we go.

We did that. Me, Keith, Patrice. Everyone going through there? I think Burr was there. Norton was there. Norton, of course, had one. The owner of the comedy cellar had one, which was hilarious. It was at Jewish camp, it was at Jewish camp, very funny.

There's nothing funnier than a molestation story. And especially when you all know it too. It was at summer camp, in between arts and crafts and gymnastics. Yeah, it was just some weird thing that happened. Patrice was the funniest, Patrice is that he was, he was at a car wash and he was washing the cars and he had sweatpants on with no underwear and as he was washing the cars and he had sweatpants on with no underwear.

And as he was washing the cars, he got a heart on because he was just a young kid and his dick and sweatpants kept touching the car with the soap and shit. And the guy got out of the car and walked up to him and he was like, yo, grabbed his dick. He's like, what's this? He's like, yo, what you got here, son?

Oh, I just cranked him out on the car. And he wound up telling people and they fucking called him a pedophile and the guy came back like a week later and beat the shit out of Patrice. Such a great molestation story. That's a classic. You don't get good ones like that anymore.

Car wash. Fucking hell, yeah, I mean, it's a, yeah. It's a, I don't even know where we were before it, but. I don't know. Now you're thinking about your molestation. Yeah, I went back there and I was like, oh my god But I'm just saying like I think that it's great that you know, look man You're doing this thing you creating something you with your friends. You're having a good time and it's something different and

I I did I loved it, you know, Danny told me about it was alright. Let me see this shit You know cuz Danny Danny throws around the word genius. You know what I mean? Genius all the time. But I gotta be honest, a lot of the times he's right. You know, Danny knows funny. And when I watched your clip, it starts out, I was like, oh, this guy's, you're walking out,

you fall, you do some weird shit. But then all of a sudden you start building and building and building, and then the guy kicks in, and all of a sudden this stuff starts happening and the crowds into it Was it was it the did he show you the david cross set the central park one? Yeah, it was david cross. Yeah Yeah, yeah, that was a dream that one was to a couple thousand people though. You're right. Yeah, it was thousands Yeah, that was like three thousand people. Yeah, and those aren't your fans. No, those are all david cross fans So yeah in order to get those people over was pretty wild. That, I mean again, David has been,

he's someone who is a guiding light to me where, you know, he said, he's someone who like stands up, I believe, for artistic integrity and just the art form and comedy constantly, every step of the way. Didn't they do comics of comedy or something like that? I think they've always, here's a problem with alternative comedians, you're doing stand-up. To me, it's all performance.

You're doing stand-up, dude. And you know, what I do is no different than what you do. You're doing some other shit, I'm doing this shit. We're all trying to make people laugh, dude. And I know that, you know, I might have fucked a stool for a little while. I know that's not your thing. No, but also, the thing is on our show,

we also still book stand-ups. To me, I'm just like, I just wanna book funny ones. Yeah. That's it. All I wanna do is book someone's funny. So if you came and did the show, you'd crush. Our crowd is up for everything. And I tell everyone, like when stand-ups do do the show,

they're like, do I have to do something weird or pull my pants down? I'm like, no, dude, just fucking let it go. Funny's funny, man. That's why people trash comics. It's like, look, man, I remember they trashed Hannah Gatsby. And I was like, all just just fucking like funny's funny man you that's why like people trash comics It's like yeah, man. I remember they trashed Hannah Gatsby, and I was like alright. I get it She's a fucking annoying what she's saying, but it's not what we do. It's another version of what we yeah It's just she's doing something else that appeals to those people that will never

Did then they like that your Your fans don't like that. That's why they're your fans. And Hannah's fans don't like yours, and it's like who cares? It's not no one's hurt anybody. Let it fucking. Give us a fuck, man. That's the thing is when people,

I think it's when people start saying this is or isn't a thing. That's what bugs me. It's like, dude, beware those knowers, the people who are like, mm mm mm, like well, fucking, all right, what have you ever done that is so wonderful and amazing like this?

It's the same comics that did that shit to you on your first thing where you took a hunt It's like dude, you know, it's like yes fucking who gives a shit. Yeah, if they're laughing then it's funny Yeah, and you can't deny that no you cannot like it. Yeah, you can think it's not good jokes You can do all that shit, but if you turn your nose down to it, then that's, you know, whatever. Who gives a shit? You know, my first, one of my first comedy mentors, he wrote jokes for Leno and David Letterman. That was his thing. During the day, he wrote jokes, and then he would do those jokes at night

that they didn't use, and that was his act. He was set up punch tag, tag, tag, right? Standard, classic comedy, and I would go up, and I just could fucking win the crowd I used to go school. Yeah, it was like one of my things. That's awesome I did weird shit and I would murder with nothing and he I remember coming off one time and he'd be like I hate Your comedy. Yeah, I just hate it, but you kill so good for you

You know what I mean? And I was like, okay, I can accept that. I get that you hate it, but you know that I kill, so there you go. And that's, I think it's with me, I understand if people don't like what we're doing, but also I don't. People love it though. They love it, and it's fun, and I'm like,

ultimately, if you just like, relaxed a little bit, and tried to enjoy this, I think it's, yeah, it would be awesome if you just got on board, and if not, no worries, you don't have to be here. You won't be here again. I thought your show was wild, it was crazy, it was something different, and it was, I thought it was unique, and it was kind of refreshing

to watch. I appreciate that. Everybody has a fucking special out, everybody and their mother has something coming out on YouTube, everybody's doing stand up, and it's like, all right, you all sound the same. I feel like Patrice was silhouetted. Burr, when I, it was like,

I don't see comics silhouetted anymore. It's like, I feel like people learned how to do jokes and now do them and they just do that famous guy, a version of that. And they put it out there and now you can get fans so easy on social media. If you're hot or you have big lips or a nice ass, then all of a sudden you have millions of followers.

I'm like, oh, we'll put you in a show. And I'm like, what about the people who've been working so hard? I was very misogynistic of you. But the thing is. Oh, I was talking about guys with big asses. Oh, sorry. I apologize.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was talking about myself. And the big lips was for Matt Rife. It's like Matt Rife, people hate. They're like, I apologize. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm about myself and the big lips was for Matt right? That's like Matt right people. Hey, yeah, they're like fuck it. It's like dude who gives a fuck whatever It's not your fan base, dude No Look at the hot young hot chicks and their moms aren't coming to see me if you want it You can you're welcome at my shows cheat on my wife. No, I'm kidding. No, if she let me

God if she let me god, I'd be out there be back on the streets. I can I'm kidding. No, unless if she let me. God, if she let me. God, I'd be out there. I'd be back on the streets. I can't wait till she quits. My wife just goes, you know what? I'm done. Go do what you got to do. Like, Hey baby, I knew you were the one. Honey, you got to quit or you're going to start giving it up. You're going to start being a dirty whore or you're going to start giving it up. And I'm talking whore. I mean mean eating my ass. I mean fucking I come home and you got stuff in it already. I want a Jesus fuck you. The six holes? The six hole style? I want a six hole you. Come up and say what happened? Sorry I learned complicité from a bisexual clown. Alright listen man it was great having you on.

Man, it was so much fun. I want to come see your show. Please. I was trying to do it, I couldn't do it. Don't worry. When was it? Friday? Last night.

I couldn't do it. Oh, we're back in January. I'm going to come with Danny. Please. Well, I don't need to know about your personal life. I'm not fucking a botard. I definitely want to come check it out and see it live. If anybody has an opportunity to go see him live,

go get your tickets. It's so funny, so unique, so interesting, and you'll thank me for it later. So where can they go see you? Where's your website? What can they follow you on? Website, stamptowncomedy.com. We've also got linktree slash Stamp Town.

It's got all of our upcoming tickets, all that fun stuff. And we're in, in the new year we're in LA, we're in Tempe, we're in San Francisco, New York, DC. We do a lot of shows in London as well, but we're kind of performing more regularly in New York and LA these days. And then wherever anyone else wants to bring us, I will go. Now, well man, you got something going on right now.

I'm trying, I'm trying my best. You got it, man. It looks like you're having a fucking blast with those guys. It's my best friends. It's three of my best friends lifting me up right there. What more could you want, you know? That's it.

That's all it is. That's all it is. Man, we're pieces of shit that bring it on the way to make a living and have fun. Play with your dicks on stage and then have people go, that's art. You play with your dick? Not anymore. I wrote a few more jokes. Oh with your dick? If they, not anymore. Okay.

I wrote, I wrote a few more jokes. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah. That'd be uncomfortable. Um, uh, make sure you check him out. Make sure you check me out at punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. All my dates are up there. Uh, I'm in Illinois, Batavia, Illinois, uh, in February.

I'm at the governor's in February, Philadelphia in February at the punch line. I'm all over the place. Make sure you check me out. PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly. And all my stand-up, we created a new stand-up page because my stand-up wasn't even on YouTube. It was just one Dutch show I did from fucking 15 years ago. But we created YouTube slash at Robert Kelly comedy. Go there and subscribe.

And like and comment to all that stuff and share it and make sure you go to all these guys right here, what do you got guys? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and come to Comedy at Verve in Somerville, New Jersey the third Thursday of every month. If you don't yell out at the end of his act, do the dryer bit. You're not funny.

I hope that becomes your killer closer where you have to fucking wet yourself. That's my act. What's up cheese balls? This is Joe Russell. I got a pretty sick ass cheese show. If you just go to YouTube, just type in the cheese show. Bam.

First thing that pops up, give it a click, give it a subscribe, give it a like. Have you seen a show? I've not seen it. He does a show with his wife and it's all cheese. And they eat cheese, review cheese, and they do these fucking crazy sketches, they write songs.

It's like a 15-minute show, Joe? Does the room stink of cheese? Like a... Stinky cheese. Like a French cheese... Buddy, it's so fucking stupid and funny. I do not know why it is not more successful than it is, and I feel bad for his wife, because she's got it.

Yeah. He lacks it. Yeah, he lactates it. She's got it, though. He should... Yeah. I got that clown laugh from Danny. What do you got, man?

You can just follow me on Instagram, at ZacharyLimit, that'd be awesome. Dude, stop. Now, you took my note wrong. You lost it. Damn it. I listen. You're a dryer. Better. Better. I want to hear that tumble. Do it. I'll give you plugs as a dryer. Oh, please. I'll give you plugs as a dryer.

Please follow me on Instagram. See what I'm saying? 250 bucks please. What's your Instagram? Dryer? Zachary Unlimited? Sorry, I couldn't hear you. Couldn't hear you, Dryer.

Zachary. All right, I want the dryer cycle to end. Bing do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. What is it, are you fucking R2D2? You haven't heard how ridiculously long the dryer's dial up. Fucking cocksucker goes to a laundromat all the time. You fucking R2D2? You haven't heard how ridiculously long the dryers are? Since dial-up. Fucking cocksucker goes to a laundromat all the time.

You have your mother do your laundry? No, the dryer ringtone at the end when it's done is insanely long. Have you not seen those? Oh. That was good, man. You got something. It really does work. Yeah, it does, right? You know what I'm saying? We're going to go to Patreon right now. Will you stick around for some questions? Yes, absolutely.

We're gonna go to Patreon right now, so if you're not a member of Patreon, you don't get to go. No, sorry. We're gonna go to the questions from the Patreon. If you want to be part of the Patreon, patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. And you can ask questions to the guests. You can go to the show. We get the show first before anybody else. And you get the extra episode. And you get to watch it live and be in the chat and all that stuff so make sure you go there and check it out thanks again you guys are the best fans in the world happy holidays and you know what we'll see you next week