Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #567 | Keegan Tindall, Devon Hall, & Connor Daniels | Pump & Dump

Episode Date: December 29, 2024

This week on YKWD we go old school and it gets wild. Keegan Tindall, Devon Hall, and Connor Daniels are comedians/roommates and have an insane dynamic. They talk about their interesting art choices, a new extreme gay dating app, and the future of comedy. Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD.

This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, how are you I'm ruining this. Where's the bar banner, man? I'm sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show?

This is the original. Original. What's up, everybody? I'm Robert Kelly again back YKWD at the Comedy Cellar Studios above the world famous Comedy Cellar. I got a crazy show tonight. This is gonna be nuts. I got some young bucks on the show. I got a returning guest who was a favorite. And we're gonna get into this. Look at man, I'm old, it's late. You're one of my favorites. I was called the first time on because another famous guy cancelled

No, you aren't that is what happened. That is what happened. You told him You guys were shooting at like noon and it was 11 a.m. And then he's like, please you gotta come on the podcast Well, you know what? You became a favorite. And you're a favorite. I mean, dude, you were one of the most interesting guests, and you're hilarious, and you're funny. You were his favorite. Our clip did well.

I got some funny DMs. You did? Yeah. People were mad at you. Mad at me? Yeah, and my DM. Why? Because you did a little person voice.

What did I do? How did I do it? I believe, okay. The council has contacted you, Gigan Dentis. We are very displeased with your use of the word M***. YAY! Buh-buh-burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr You know how long it took her to type that with her thumbs? She had to run on her keyboard and stomp on the letters. She had to stomp on the letters. It was terrible.

Actually, I don't like this. Can we please move on? Can we please move on? You brought it up. What did she say? I believe it was... Stop. First she said, down here. And then what did she say? I believe it was... Stop! First she said, down here.

And then, and then what you said. Alright, listen. You're not laughing. Then she got out of breath. So I have a disability, and she was a disabled person. Yeah, well, disabled. And she was like, now you're laughing at disabled people, you're making fun of them. Well, how is she disabled?

Uh, I don't want to say. I'm not going to feed that fire. She's a little deeper hole. She's already stuck in it. Can I say this is my worst nightmare? I shouldn't have said anything. You done goofed. Well, you know what? Good for her.

That wicked just came out. You know what bad for her because they didn't let them in this movie. She's just pumped. She no longer represents the lollipop kid. that wicked just came out. Oh, you know what bad because they didn't let them in this movie. She's just pumped she no longer represents the lollipop kid. Oh God. Well I believe that it was an Oz forward bit. It was an Oz forward bit that you were doing. Was it? What was it? So I told a story about how I had a little person nurse that when I was on so many drugs I thought they I thought they were someone's kid. Right. And then you, I believe you did, what's your voice for an Oz? I don't know. How'd it go?

I don't quite recall. Bobby, quite recall. Bobby that close to getting me to it. I swear to God, you can watch it back, you see me almost do the... Really? Yeah. You can watch it back, I go... I almost... And then you have to come and say, you go, actually I would never say that. I Would never say

Now you offended Giants I have a problem. I want everyone to love me Listen here's a thing that person we whoever that person is we all I have a fucking disability, too I have a mental disability. I'm a recovering alcoholic. I was in the head Yeah, we all get disabilities. This is that's why we do comedy. So you gotta lighten up What's already pretty light? You know what I mean? We're talking kilograms. You know what I mean? We're just talking. Just calling balls and strikes. They are the best. I'm just kind of ranting. They are the best. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey listen, I would love for anyone to DM me about anything. So I'll take it. All your complaints. Listen man, listen, the problem is, is cause you have a career. Yeah. These guys have nothing to lose except you. I don't have a career.

I don't even have a job. You have a job. I have a job. I do have a job. That you. I don't have a career, I don't even have a job. You have a job. I have a job, I do have a job. That you... I'm doing good. Lost and got back. Lost and got back. What was it?

So I was doing videos for a comedian and he was being very nice and paying me to do them and then I almost lost it because I like wasn't doing the videos in a certain way. So you weren't doing your job. Yeah. And what we're doing is you were doing that thing where you were jerking off and playing video games I have a real problem. I don't know you can relate that you have an addictive personality

I do listen you for many years you kind of I feel like you might be able to write you ever just like Just jerk off and play video games for like 17 months and ruin your own life I'm on an island Our boy bounce back and he's killing it now. Bounced back. Alright good. What shook you out of it? Them two calling me to the kitchen and going, hey, bubba. You had a jerk off intervention? It wasn't even the kind of intervention.

No, no, no, no. You had a jerk off intervention. We could hear it. Alright, now we gotta let people know. You guys all live together. And you're all in some apartment in Jersey City that's a, I heard is a shithole. Well, some would call it a shithole. Some would call it a home. A home with art. What do you mean art? We have our stuff around.

A stuff. What do you mean stuff? Like trash. No. What? It's, some people... What would you call that? What, Danny's face? Disturbing? no what it's some people would you call that what danis face he's disturbing the science of a list you have next year well okay here all the uh... so that's the uh... we see the uh... so if you see uh... body

it's call of duty and then under that is pretzels is that in my emergency pretzel bag for jerk off king yesterday's i think i think i think i think i. I've come too much, I need my electrolytes. And you know, we have a copy of Call of Duty up in case he gets, cause he's violent if he's not stimulated at all time. Really? It's, in a sense, it's my Pearl Harbor every time I... I create a harbor of pearls. And then, Danny, did I send a picture of what's next to it right there? What is that? Well, this is actually very tasteful This is this is good. Do you see how?

Tony the tiger kind of has stripes. Yeah, so we took the liberty of putting scooby-doo as a tiger as a tie It's kind of it's kind of inspired Inspired by Tony the tie, but and they're both kind of like universe piece. They both kind of are like yeah These are a good cereal. I Actually, can I be honest? honest that i don't mind that uh... it's a good vibe i'm feeling you're gonna be more on board with the art that you thought you were why see you guys know that he actually jizzed on that can you see undertone of the tiger that didn't go to another photo and that's why i think that's the reason

bobby was one of the other and then the right on the line comment on this photo, please scroll to the next five photos. Let's show them Connor's resume. Well, I wanna talk about these. Danny, the bit's gone, you fucking loser. Just go, and that's a small box of,

that's a little mini box, right? Yeah, we got a whole box of mini boxes. Oh, do you remember those? Oh, yeah. Oh, we got, we were doing like this diet challenge called the 75 heart. You were? Yeah.

He did good. I did pretty good. I was doing pretty good. What is it? This was a year and change ago. I see that. First of all, I can't accept weight criticism from someone who cheated. You got the surgery, you tapped out, you sucked it out.

Yeah, I fucking cheated and so should you. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I'm fat enough to get the surgery. I should do a stand back. Dude, you gotta get fatter. That's your problem. Yeah, dude. Oh, so let's'm fat enough to get this I would You gotta get fatter We need to get you we have the fattest we can get you Devin told me he's you gotta roll around

An apple caramel pie today, and I was like that's awesome I'm gonna be sweet he goes none of those I ate the apple pie I threw out the container This event studio I work at my friendsgiving and just cookies and pies and strawberry short. Just every snack in the world. You ate a pie? I had a pie in bed. A pie? I had a pie in bed. I had two pies in bed.

You had two pies in bed? I had two pies in bed. Not at the same time, but two pies in bed. Listen dude, that's a problem. My feet feel wet and they're not wet. Yeah dude, I know what that is that the fact that that's i'd be uh... you know this right we were going to die at job was kept on the other side of the that access to talk about your bed divot

i've been to address is a square mattress but where he sleeps every night is a divot in can i tell you that i had a fellow over the fellow of the bed divot did it was so comfortable uh... the thing about- You let him in your divot? You never let another man in your divot. Bitches. What are you talking about?

That's all he does. Bitches love the divot. That's part of being gay. Letting another man in your divot. Every day in the divot. I do call both things my depression divot. Your divot. My divot.

Guys, dick smelled like pie. Oh, dude. I thought my cum would be delicious right now. Isn't that when you do your divot? I'm telling you, I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you.

I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm tellingin. You're devin. Guys, Dick smelled like pie. Oh dude, I thought my cum would be delicious right now. With all that sugar. I thought sugar was good. It's like fruit, isn't it the same thing? Are you, is that apples? When you say you're eating fruit. Apples and blueberries. I'm gonna make that some fruit dude.

I had 15 servings of apples and fruit and blueberries. Did you guys know there's a product called Yummy Cummy, it's a pill you could take to make your company's good com king strikes again in comes the with the com the industry uh... really can't come out and folks get you yet he can't be so the outside and that life statement did this day the time i would like to get a little bit of a little bit of a

person's pockets purely to push that down the county. If you've heard of this product. Danny, what's the next one? Oh, go back. I mean, you missed. No, I think this one's good. Oh, so that's Marty Graw- Those are the beads that he sticks in his little divot?

Those are divot beads. And that's the bucket hat he wears during- And if you notice, it was a good dividend because they're broken there. They had to be broken. That's when you came. So this is one we all kind of contributed to. Okay. I believe I put the bucket head in. I think Connor had that weird guy with the beard. I had a book. I tried to be spiritual. And I think you did have to be. Oh yeah. Danny, let's introduce everybody please. We didn't, we'll get right into it. Danny, introduce everybody. We have Keegan Tindall, we have Devin Hall and Connor Daniels on the podcast today. They're all roommates, they're all comedians and I of

course Keegan I've met before and I met you, not you, where'd I meet you? You've seen him in a video. I've seen you and I've met you at the dojo. Yep, and we had a blast backstage. Yeah, that was really fun Yeah, it was a good good hang. I love the club. I got like a good hang They're all your hang so Joe fucking rules Well, they were like do you want the car I love it cuz he's like do you want the comics there? I'll kick him out right now. Yeah, and I was like, nah, they seem all right. Yeah, thanks. Everybody was great It was a fun time. All right, so you did Keegan, you did the hat. I did the hat. And then you put the?

With the book. The little book cover. What was the book again? It was like a philosophy book. Yeah, I was trying to be spiritual in college. It was like a Rom Das book. Oh really? Yeah, yeah.

How'd that work out? Not great. You moved in with these two fucking maintenance. Yeah, no. Now I just get panic attacks if I try to meditate. That's good. Yeah. I've lived with these guys for way too long. How long?

How'd you guys meet? We met in high school. Yeah. And then I met him at a Rutgers comedy club. Now did you... Yeah. Do you really bang dudes? Is he banged? Do you hear him banging dudes at the house? No, I don't. I actually get kind of upset about it that I don't hear it ever because I like I'd like to know... Well I don't bang a ton of you. You'd like to hear ouch once in a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have seen, there was one time.

You never hear me going easy, easy, easy, easy. There was one time I came out of my room and Devin goes, Devin just goes, Hey. And then out walks another man past him. And, and it was just the weirdest interaction ever. So I had a fellow over who I'm not necessarily. I love that you treat everybody like it's the 20s. I had a fellow over who was feeling Randy. I took him off the street. So my main squeeze was stopping by the crib. No, did you ever have sex with another person and you're like you're gonna say fella. Not fella. This is not saying lad. It's six with an old chap. He's just rejecting you. He's ringing around his rosy. And I got a was full of those car news. Ladies and gentlemen, London Bridge has fallen down. You ever been?

I'll tell you where Sally's selling her details. On this sea shore, my man. You ever just be three pies down in the pond over in a Bella Cucumber and boy oh boy, you're gonna get a ramp. He's got a nice young whipper snapper. I'm gonna page your picture. It's me. Two pies, a bad David and a gentleman at college.

Okay, it's four pies. It's four pies. So the gay sex. So I just wasn't, he wasn't, he's not the most, I'm not the most proud ever to, he was, I don't, like, um, my standards, like, I'm pickier than I have the right to be. So I'm a little ashamed that I was having sex with this person. Was he not a good looking guy? I thought he was fine looking. See I'm a crazy person. A fine young gentleman. I don't have the right to feel this way. He had a top hat. He was out before nightfall too. He was out. He was out the door. Did you give him a piece of ribbon candy on the way out? Oh he had his worth as original. He got out of there with

the stuff. Hey, grab a piece of taffy on the way out. You deserve it, kid. You did good, kid. Now hit the showers. No, he's walking out. You hit him with a, hey, kid. You did good out there. No fooling.

I can have it. No fooling, mister. I can have the used condom? Oh, boy. Used condoms, right? No, I mean... What the fuck? You don't use condoms either. I'm married to a woman with menopause.

So of course he does. You could all dump it and nothing's gonna happen. That's disgusting. You need to protect yourself from that aura. You don't know. You don't know what the robots are doing. You don't know what You don't know what the what the robots are doing. You don't know what menopausal vagas are either, man man. You don't. I was saying he doesn't know gay sex. Oh you were on my side? I was on your side. I'm now he's not. I'm so sorry. Can I extend, can I just

extend an olive branch? Dude, you know what we got to show Bobby is your before and after room. Oh yeah. Do we have that? Do we have the picture? I have that. Do you have it? Okay. Yeah can you send it to me? Yeah I'll send it to you. You guys keep talking. Um, so anyway, so yeah, but the way Keegan put it was so funny. So I walk out and all in my head, it's like, it's like trying to get, the classic like dude's got to get a fat chick out of his room. Sitch, it's, swap it. What do you think this guy was doing? I, if he was the reverse, a guy trying to get out of a fat chick's room.

Fair enough. He's like, fuck, I hope his roommates don't see me but dude so I walk out and I'm just like I just Perfectly Keegan leaves his room at the exact same time and I pause and the way Keegan put it He said that I looked like I was a straight guy who got caught with a dude leaving my room It was just like weirdest I've never seen her eyes. I was high so I could I also forgot his name because we met that minute like we you know what I mean hey just look like before I send this to Danny are you okay with this being on here yeah I don't you know I yeah Wow what are you panicking I just you gave

me coffee at 10 a night what you do what do you do you get him coffee before dinner he's not gonna eat guys banging dudes without condoms He met a minute ago. We have to see this guy's rolling the dice anyway Yeah, I'm like a gremlin you give me coffee after midnight. I'm fucking 19 guys The it brings up a point that when we were at the dojo You introduced me to a world. I knew nothing about that's where this fellow is from. This fellow is from that. This was a sniffies fellow. That's why. Sniffies. So I never knew anything about it. Look, I've been out of the game for a long time.

The gate? And well, I never was in the app game. I, when I was dating girl, I've been married for 17 years. You know, an app was followed by Tizer. When I was meeting chicks, you had to meet them, talk to them, take them out, you know, finger-banging them in a park on a bench hopefully. It was a different time. You had a phone that you had a T9 text. It was like 11-52-66.

You had to get your main squeeze on the phone with an operator right? No, yeah. Hey. Operator, connect me to whore number four please. Whore number four? Can you make me a whore in fucking Dorchester would you mind? Finger banging again? Alright. It's like the contact you have on your phone like slut from the bar but it's like operator can you connect me to?

Okay Mr. Kelly. So. What do you do in operator? You sound cute. Okay Mr. Kelly. So what are you doing operator? You sound cute. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. I'm a little person. What I did this. Okay, Mr. Kelly. No, that's someone underwater. I mean, if they're in water, they're under it. Listen, that's too funny for me to not say I'm sorry. But um. Gany? Time to man up and start growing some hair. Start seeing hair growth in as little as three to six months with HIMS.

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Results may vary based on studies of topical or oral, minoxidil, and finasteride. Prescription products require an online consultation with a healthcare provider who will determine if a prescription is appropriate Restrictions apply see website for full details and important safety information Okay, we're in the green room at the dojo and we're having a good old time Yeah, and he brings up this fucking sniffles sniffies. Sorry. Oh, I've heard of that We you get the sniffles from going on sniffies

You might be like the end of fucking Philadelphia So you tell me tell me about this app tell people about this app So sniffies is so what the the way I met the fella was there's like everyone's little bubbles on a map and it's all Dicks and butts basically right and you just you tap on one main food groups There's dicks, bucks and carbohydrates Everything there is Exactly All that is equal

Everyone on that app is on keto Let me tell you something No one is looking for no sugar no grains Yeah, yeah, yeah There's nobody on there eating pies in the bed There's probably a lot. It's a sad place. But um.

Way to ruin the joke. What's how you look at it? Yeah, well, stop giving facts. I'll talk about sniffies, whoever I want to, dude. This is my thing. This is your thing, thank God. This is my thing. All right, tell us about it.

But so it's like, there's little bubbles and it's like automatic. We could probably pull it up. Danny, is this computer of access to the internet? Yes, we have access to the internet. No, we don't. Go ahead and hit the like on a map. We could probably pull it up. Danny's this computer of access to the internet No, go ahead and hit the plus on the tab there, please whose search history are we on right now? Don't worry about it. Yeah, is it okay? I feel like you pulled up porn and yeah, we pulled it Do we pull up so just open go to Google and SNI FF IES the name sniffies is you know Can I take smell forward is bizarre you gotta make an account. No, you don't just hit continue Yes highlighting smell

Believe me, you don't see the thing about sniffies it and all that Like if I had that where it was like there's girls it's like 30 girls on like a grid Right and I'd never I would just be on the app all day. Yeah, I never get any work done But I go from place to place because everyone you just message you just message under like what a fuck and you look okay Yeah, I think it's a little bit. I think that's a little bit of grass is always greener I'm also like I am I'm addicted to jerking off and eating pie in my bed. Like it's not your cool guy It's not necessarily for sure. I like living Is there like if that's not the name of your first special jerk enough to get off and eat pie

American pie Fucking app. Okay, so it's a it's a great. I just feel like a It's easy use your words. It's all dicks and but here we go. There it is. All right, we go Where are we so we are if you hit the little see the little um the little You the bottom right hand corner see there's an airplane and a high and a thing if you click the little like find me thing The little circle thing that one just moved in the middle that is all they pop up as they go over to the corner And it says find me On the corner not next to the eyes to the right of the eye with that little orange to the right of the eyes stupid

to the right of the eye. What's that little orange? To the right of the eye, stupid. You're bad at this. He's like, I don't know, I've never been on here. I don't know. To the right? Where is it? Where is it?

You see the little thing that says you on the screen? Is this our crotch in the corner on the right side? Is this our balls? No, no, no, we don't have a crotch because we would have to put our crotch. Wait a minute, there's somebody here. There's balls there. There's somebody right here. Look at the balls. Oh yeah, who is that? Can you zoom in? Zoom in on that, I hope it's somebody down, I hope it's Dove David off. Oh yeah, there's a dingle ball. We're like hacking into a bank right now.

That's us, and then what's to the left? Yeah, we got them. Where are we? Go ahead and give that a click-a-rooney. What is that? There's this, there's uncut gem. Well, we're off YouTube. Okay, that is... Just blur it out.

He snippies, it's dicks and bots and you click on them and you go, hey, what's your favorite color? Okay, so where is the next guy? Where are we? Point to us. Where the thing that says you. Okay, that's you. So somebody's at the cellar right now. Yeah, several people. Go to the one in, there's somebody downstairs. Stop going to that guy on the toilet. So somebody's blocking the laser somebody's at the cellar right now

Go to the one in this somebody's going to that guy on the toilet How hilarious what are you doing in there John? I'm shit you don't click I want to I want to see the description young chubb looking for Louise car looking for... There's a Louis cock. He's on stage on sniffles. Alright, go... What's the one above us? Right there. Right there. That's...

That's where? That's in the cellar? That's in the cellar. Oh, that's Louis Gomez's dick. That guy has a war wound. That's a vet. Hey, go down here and suck his cock for our country. Come on. Why? Cause he's a war wound. That's a vet. But so this, and then to Dick. Go down here and suck his cock for our country. Why? Cause he's a veteran?

Yes. I don't know. But look at it. Look at his necklace with the ring on it. Whose dick is that? You know what? He's 8 inch cut average. First stop. Alright, he's a guy next door bro. What is he into? If you scroll down you can see what he's into. We know what he's into.

Ass. Other wieners. Bro, what is he into if you scroll down you can see what he's into we know what he's into ass other wieners Looking for jobs. I love hot dogs corn group sex never understood edgy They get really specific on what do you mean you don't understand edgy like it feels like a delayed gratification I want it now. Yeah, I get it, but. That's how I do it. That's how I do sex. How does it do it?

Ah. Sorry. I go, ah, and then I, uh. Ah. Just cold, cold, cold, cold, cold. I go, done. It's like when you're getting into a pool that's too cold. I go, done.

I win. I win. So this is that. All these people right now you could go meet up with. Yeah, and I'm wondering if we can look around the map and find a pump and dump, that I think was a domain. This is the thing that you talked about. Why don't you take a guess. I know well he explained it to me. Yeah. But it was so fascinating to me. There's a guy almost like a gas station somewhere.

Yeah. A pump and dump. Good way to think about it. Where you can just go. But it would be like if at a gas station you take gas from your car and you put it in a receptacle. True. That you leave on empty? Yeah. If you're lucky. If you're lucky you leave on empty. So there's a guy somewhere that wants to have a pump and dump. I understand why you yell at people who look up things for you. It is very frustrating. That might not be a pump and dump. I think it's an orgy how do you think is there is there a certain i i can't for a public yes so if you keep going out to do not more are you do you know what it is they got this is it is going to be a pumping dump it's tuesday night in new york city if it's not a problem that i think i

would work out of your pumping dump you find a pump it up in the lower right under events others about the events like that like a racist or an orgy or like I think that I don't know what the diaper is. Wait a minute. So mental health resources. What's the, there's a diaper. There's a diaper. It looks like. I don't know what that is. You know what a diaper is. You know what a diaper is. This guy ate pie in the fucked in his thumb. There's a diaper hovering over the garbage. Danny, what's the diaper. What's the diaper, dude? I click. What does it say? Danny click on the guy we can't see from our end. Oh, sorry.

I thought, Oh, Bobby, this is your fault. I know. It's up a little bit to the last. So left, left, left, left, left, left, slightly left, slightly left. Down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, This is like a clown telling you to freeze and everyone's got different instructions. This sounds like you and your reporter guys trying to find your ass hole. This is divot narration. This is divot talk.

The computer's now frozen. Ah, jeez. Fucking hates gays. You're back, you're back, you're back. Down, down, down, down, down, down, down. Slow, slow. This site's frozen. The mouse is working but nothing's happening.

Why is your voice, why are you losing your voice? I got flabby. He's nervous, dude. I'm coming from the front. We're yelling at him. Senator, I don't know what I'm looking at. It's in your tone, dude. Hey, your tone is too nice, and I don't like it.

I'm a sweetheart, that's why. You're not a sweetheart. Sign me up, I'm on the first, on the list of sweethearts. You're not a sweetheart. If you went to the pile of sweethearts, he'd be in the pile. If you went to the sweetheart store, you'd be like, oh, there like oh there I am I can buy one of those please I'm top shelf. You take a bite of his heart you got a cavity. You really think he's gonna take you somewhere? I hope so god damn it. More do I hope so because right now I'm stuck at sniffies. Maybe if you get off sniffies he'd take you on the road. Why the road is for sniffies? No the show, he's going to have to drop you off at a pump and dump in Wisconsin. I'm going.

Well, you could also just describe what a pump and dump is. Because I have finger food. I can describe. I'm going for the wings. They don't have finger food. That is true. We haven't. You ever go to like a kid, like to support a kid at like a soccer

game or something? That's what I do for you on the sideline. While I'm fucking, you're like, that's my roommate. Come on, that's a foul. I'm going to the other straight friends, I'm like, which one's yours? The last one. You guys are yelling shit out like parents, you got it! Ball tucking!

You bring him orange slices for halftime, you get back in there. I have a talk with a coach after, I'm like, he's getting way too much bench time. He should be out there, I'm paying for this. He's getting annihilated. bench time he's paying for this you know he's i know i'm not so that's the last thing i want a pump and dump is finger food uh... everything's finger for the most is a sink next to it i think i've heard that john researchers will have a bit of this rice explain a pump and a pump and dump is let's say we're going to throw in here

so we have this location is to hold still it's. We could probably set up a pump and dump. Yeah, you do it. You be the pump and dump and we'll just pump and dump right in you. All right. I don't know. We don't need an app for that. We can just take off the headphones. Explain the pump and dump. Or we keep the headphones on. Let's keep the mics on. So the pump and dump is if you had a location and I was like listen I'm a fella who's got a hole that needs to be filled by many gentlemen by a by a plethora of fellers

Is there a limit do you put a limit on it? I've seen them as high as 75 and then there was a spillover 70 like someone set one up. I'm gonna throw up So why is that gross it's honorable 70 five spillover. I imagine never Never what? Take 75. Don't fucking dare me. You can fucking do it tomorrow. I double dog hair, brother.

Don't fucking threat me with a good time. Dude, I don't know, your stomach would reinflate. You can say what you want. I just might get a pump of gum and I got fat again. You're like that girl, you're like Violet from fucking Wizard of the Opera. Don't bring up Wizard of the Opera, you get sensitive. You don't get the pump and dump factory. Yeah dude, you get all bloated but it's like white.

You got it. So pump and dump is like, hey, on Tuesday at 8pm, I'm going to be in this location, come here. There's like a screen presence, you apply and if they want you dick or not. Right. Yeah, it's that you can't just waltz into it. There's some discretion. There's very little discretion, but yes. Do you have like a resume? Like you have to be like I've been to other pump and dumps? Well you have pictures of your dicks and they go yes, no. Dick and butts? Or just, do you have to have dick and butts or can you just have butts? Well I would imagine if you so the part the way of pump and dump looks visually on the app if we didn't if this Wasn't you know?

I want to tell you Danny's not a producer. He's a stand-up comedian and he's a great one. All right, whatever I Will stand up for my pal a little bit. All right, whatever So the way it looks visually on the app is you'll see, you'll click on the little orange thing, the icon for pump and dump, and you'll first you'll see is the butt. You'll see the thing getting... That you're gonna get dumped in. Yeah. That's getting dumped. And then you see, oh my bad, then you see all the dicks. All the dicks that are showing up. So you want to get in early? I would imagine, I've never been.

Yeah, is it in order? You don't want to be like the 75th guy. I would admit to you if I? I, I would imagine, I've never been. Yeah, is it in order to sign up? You don't want to be like the 75th guy. I would admit to you if I've been, I'm not cool enough to go, I'd get nervous. I'd be like trying to talk to people and everyone's like, I don't feel like- Your dick wouldn't be accepted? I would, that would suck if you- Dude, can you imagine? If you were told now?

The feel it? I've seen the dicks that get in, I think my dick would get in. Right, is your dick, you're on sniffles. So here's the thing, I was telling people about sniffies and it is very insulting. Sniffles. You're on sniffles. So here's the thing, I was telling people at Sniffies, and it is very insulting. Sniffles. You're on sniffles. It's like if you would call,

this is like if you went on Drag Race and called her Ron Paul. That's what you're doing. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Sniffies? Hi Paul, I don't wanna offend your fucking gay cult. Listen, Sniffies, but you're on Sniffies. I am, and I'm telling you.

So why didn't you come up when we were here? Well, so I don't know. I don't know what it looks like if I'm not logged in. It didn't follow me. My icon wasn't there. But I would, it might be somewhere. If we want to look through the map and try to find my dick, that's on the take. Let's do that later, but I would love to actually play like where's Waldo?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's my dick? Which one's that? Where's the apple pie in the back? That one. That one right there. That one right there. That's the one right there. Like where's Waldo? Yeah, where's my Apple caramel. All right. They didn't have the energy to even move it out of the background. So they have to get approved, and the guy approves the penises. Yeah, the fellow who's getting dumped then approves the decks.

And then you just see, you see all the people attending. If you click on someone, if let's say I'm going through the map and I see, oh, that's a nice day, can I click on it? I see on his profile, it says, I'm attending this pump and dump at Tuesday at 8 p.m. So can now, can you, now there's, the guy'm attending this pump and dump at Tuesday at 8 p.m. so can now make can you now there's the guy who throws the pump and dump can you go and be with another can you pump and dump on the side while you're waiting

in line yeah they're like side quests yeah you like or is it you have to stay on the main mission yeah you see the line is it like a like waiting in a drive-thru so I don't I have not been but from the porn I've watched yeah it seems like the idea of it is the only person getting getting dumped in is the pump so you can't be out front be like hey what's up man you like what are you doing I'm here for the pump and dump me too and be like you know I do wait for a while that's just the story tell your grandkids maybe you want to just go pump and dump in the alley maybe that maybe if I was waiting in line.

I would probably get bored. You'd pump it up in the streets? I probably, yeah. It sounds like a doctor's office, like you check in and they're like, Devin Hall, Hall? You're in the room and you're like, just fucking wait times are for you.

I'm here for a flu shot. Do you have to be ready to dump? Like, do you have to be? Yeah, is there a time limit on the, that's true, yeah. Are you starting from zero? Like, I'm not even ready to dump. Or are you like, let me in? like do you have to get is there a time limit on the so i guess i i'm sure i'm zero like i i'm not even ready to dump are you like

hurt like let me in you must be excited by the time now that you're running and you're the only one here and more yeah i don't i would imagine it's rude guy just runs in his own fuck i gotta go it's a good dumps and pump i just don't think that i he, does he give you a bad rating like Uber eats? You are not invited to that pump and dump again. He dumped before he pumped.

My favorite thing ever, there was an election one. So there was the day of the election when, It was definitely a Democratic pump and dump. No, here's the thing, there were two butts. It was a pump and dump with two butts, there was a blue butt and a red butt. Oh, you could pick a Trump butt? Yeah, you could come and cast, the tagline was cast pump and dump with two butts. There was a blue butt and a red butt. Oh, you could pick a Trump butt? Yeah, you could come and cast.

That's how you vote? Oh, cool. The tagline was cast your vote, then cast your low. That's actually really creative. Isn't it? That's really creative. It was really sweet. Which one got more?

You know, Trump, Trump got way more. The red one, you have the popular vote. There's a bunch of liberals trying to fuck Republicans in the ass. Oh yeah, there was a lot of Wisconsin dicks that just really swung the opposite way. You didn't intend it. So these guys get chosen, then they get a time? Do they get a time frame? Or do they get a A show up?

I don't know. That's a good question. Because you can't just, if 75 guys just show up at a studio apartment in the West Village. I imagine there's someone dealing with the logistics of that. You have to deal with it. Thanks. Especially, this was like an orgasm. this was a fella who throws pump and dumps yeah it was literally a spilt there was 75 and then there was the check out the

spillover group where does all the dump go what do you mean what are you talking about in the in the in. Dump goes in the div.'t ask how they clean McDonald's. It's like, you know, I'm saying, though, like it's like even the fanciest restaurants have roaches. Yeah. But if you're like, I'm imagine he likes the dump. Yeah, but he loves the dump. But if I'm 65 and then I'm and I go into it like 65 other dumps, I would look at if I had an Airbnb and I people stay.

I'm going to clean it. Do I need pens? Do I need a Airbnb and I people stay right I'm gonna clean it do I need pens? I'm gonna clean it This is interesting. I imagine for the most part that it's not a concern So if you're there you're kind of you're kind of down to clown So you just pumping into another don't like setting up for a triathlete and being bummed you got mud on you You ever like make plans and then you regret doing it later Do you think anybody makes organizes a pump and dump and day out? and being bummed you got mud on you. I don't know what to tell you. You ever like make plans and then you regret doing it later?

Do you think anybody makes, organizes a pump and dump and day after day is like, fuck, I got 75. He's like, stretch. Loaded 70 pump into my apartment. Fuck, 20 minutes. Fuck. Danny's like, I just got a spot at the stand for the first time.

Yeah, I got to cancel my pump and dump. Like, you know what, like you make- Joey Diaz just asked me to open for him at the dojo. Oh, fuck. I got to do Sebastian Menescalco's podcast. 75 angry dudes. Now that is canceling a pump and dump is probably, I mean, you were talking about blue balls. That's 75 guys outside of your apartment. There's got to be a rating system on that.

Because what if a guy just keeps- No, not that I've noticed. I mean, what if a guy keeps cancel on a pump and dump I mean that's so I think the word somebody's getting 75 right somebody somebody you better pray to God that's not you 75 revved up men tell Tell you what. Tell you what. They marked it down on their calendars. They got a babysitter. They told their wife to be right back to getting milked. And somebody's got to take care of it.

I got a half hour of a puppet dump, you motherfucker. Somebody. Somebody's getting dumped. That is such a good thing for married dudes who are in the fucking closet. They just go to a puppet dump. And they just leave. Honey, and dump and they just leave honey where were you? Who's farting? So that's 65 in the pump and dump. That is probably... I thought this guy showed up in the pump and dump and letting one rip. No you don't fart in a pump and dump, that's rude. That gets you bad ratings for sure.

What's rude is you're leaving the cum up there. What are you going to do with it? What are you going to get in there with a fucking... Let me tell you something, dude. We have a magic device called an iPhone. I'm sure somebody invented a pump and dump cleaner. Yeah. Yeah. I have a vacuum cleaner that's a robot. There's not a really smart gay guy. I was like, listen, I have an idea. Is it wrong that... You know what I feel? I feel inspired by this speed I just it's it's pumped me up.

That would be funny if that was your thing that you made famous and you left them. You were the inventor of the pump and dump cleaner to see you on QVC. You're on Shark Tank. Diswasher safe and everything. I don't know if you ever been to a pump and dump. Don't you just hate sharks? Kevin O'Leary is like, here's what I want. I'm going to give you $500,000 for this pump and dump idea. And for every dump, you get five cents in perpetuity. I don't feel about five cents in perpetuity for every dump. You can ask these students to help yourate it. I'm begging you to let me put it on your Instagram story. I'm like, dude, this will be big.

I'm telling you. Promo code out. We'll be fine. Promo code Tindal. Promo code dump. We sell them at the dump. That's a good idea. Yeah. Yeah. You, you can, you can do it. You have your own merch at the dump.

You can be like, Hey man, I got, I just turned into rich Voss. I'm selling my CDs. I got my pump and dump. Bonnie left me. I'm doing crowd work. me so I'll be signing my pump and dump so yeah I just think like look if there was a say this is the only on the other we don't have this I don't think they have pump and dumps for girls I I don't know that would be that would be your guys's department hey guys turned over to you I'll turn it over to you cuz you know more than me cuz you have a girlfriend Yeah, you're honor you as a slut of the gang. No now. All right, relax. Don't get so offended. I

Don't like you. We're not supposed to tell her the thing that you bought the ring Yeah, great job guys. You guys ruin the engagement. Hey, what are you going to do? No. I'm not married. I'm not engaged. But you're in love. Connor's a whore. But you're in love. Yeah. Yeah.

You're in love. He's lonely. Young love. He's doing pump and dumps. Why don't you help your friends a little? Well, what do you want me to do? I try. You do? He won't go to the gay bars. We try to get him to go to the gay bar we went to the gay bar we did not just us

yeah we did go to the gay bar there was a group of friends in these guys were like let's go to the gay bar it's fun i got groped a lot yeah i was pissed off i didn't get groped once because you're too intimidating and i don't know if you're white or black i don't know what you're white or black. That makes me feel better. I don't know what you are.

Too manly to get fondled. I was too racially ambiguous. Yeah you really are man. I don't know what the fuck, what are you? I'm a white person. What? I'm a white person. Isn't he a great big white person? I'm a white person. I'm a white person. Captain I'm a white person.

Yeah. Very kid in play look to you. What what what nationality Irish mostly are you Irish? No shit. Where'd you get the curly hair? My mom Irish. No shit. Yeah. Yeah, how old are you? I'm 25 Where are you from from South Jersey? You have been to a pump and dump? I've thought about it No, you're you like chicks. Yeah, I would love to be able to go to a pump and dump Just go on my phone and just be able to do that. If there was a girl that was given a pump and dump,

I would not want to do it. I would not want to pump with somebody dumped. Well, am I? What if you're first? Yeah, am I guy one or 75? That's what I mean. Can you like pick? Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You do 75? No, I said am I one or am I 75? Oh, I thought you said I do one or 75. Or 75. I either said i do one or seventy five i think i was a bit of a great all the time i mean i go to first to something fresh or last work it take my father and say my child connor daniels is not a fucking middle i think you know i've been in sixty seventy five is not in seventy five like fucking a boston cream doughnut yeah it's a little bit of turning the light on. Sweeping up.

While he's fucking, they play closing time. When he walks in, they go, are you ready for your headliner? He was at the alley. You know him from the alley behind Quiznos. Give it up for Connor. So what's the like, like a main pump and dump? Is it more, is it never like 75? That's like absurd, right?

That was the election night. I was stunned by it. I might have a picture on my phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it wasn't just 75. There was a spillover group. Let me see if I can. What is a spillover group?

Is that like a queue? Do you know how at the cellar, how like people buy tickets and then there's like a waiting list Standby list I think I was a bumping down Kelly like I keep my fucking ringer on Cancels yeah, so how do I should I text this to Danny for them to get this on the screen? Yeah, this was the election night one okay let me see it can i see it

well it's still in should you show these people's faces they show another phase and it could be a few email you'll be faster we think this is a secret way i don't know anybody on there would be seen up where do you think the mason yeah i don't know about like everyone would want to be seen everybody on their sp some people would want to be the so be careful. You mean the app that's public? It's anonymous. It's not anonymous. Devin, is it anonymous?

If this was Grindr, I wouldn't be doing this because of people's faces, but this is dicks and butts. It's not identifiable. So Sniffy's is purely dicks and butts. Just dicks and butts. I mean, like, what? Dude, I wonder if the guy whose dick we saw, maybe he's a fan of the pockets, but my dick.

That's my dick on it. I don't know why. That's my dick on my dick. The famous screenshot. That's my dick. I don't know why. That's my dick on my screen. The person in the screen shot is Ron Bennington. I don't know why. Ron, is Ron doing a pump and dump? No, like I was listening to a podcast while I did the screen shot. Ron Bennington's face.

Ron Bennington is a pump. It's Ron Bennington is just in the screen shot. He was doing a pump and dump to honor Fez. The fifth annual Fez Memorial. Pump and Dump. That'd be great. The recent new benefit and the Fez-Watley pump and dump. And the Fez-Watley pump and dump.

Let's see if opening and then we'll go to that. Right before we get started. Guys, before we get started, I just want to thank everyone for coming out. We do this every year. Thank you so much. Danny, I don't know your email. What's your email? Wait, Danny's. Oh, yeah. I have his email. It's so weird It's that weird cuz they're good friends. You find everything weird. I don't you do what I've asked did I find weird Devin? He's not I think he's fantastic. Never said he was weird. What else you were talking about? What else you're done?

What I outfit you said my outfit I said you look like like Hannah Gatsby I don't know who that is. Well, you should Can pull her up? Someone who's is it my Hannah Gatsby dude be a shooting straight I'm telling you this is might not be what because you Dms he's down the road at the ends of a bring up Hannah Gadsby the hand again We might get you DM. You think is you think you get it? Why about a pump and dump tonight? Jordan said I got a not can Jordans the one you want to fucking look for fashion advice that fucking he she that

That's here Gatsby, but show what she's like. Not her face. She doesn't look like it. She looks great. Yeah, of course she does. You really want a career, don't you? You really want fame. She just doesn't know who this is. Why are you scared, dude? I don't know. I have a deep need to feel liked by everybody. Really?

Everyone. And I don't think it'll work out. That's not how that works. It's very actor-y. That's an actor trait, not a comedian trait. But I feel like that's happening. But you can't be liked by everybody. No matter how fucking nice you are, the more success you get, the more successful you get, more people are gonna hate you.

I've seen hate comments. There are comments that, you know. Yeah, dude, but it means nothing. I know, but it's a weird thing. It's actually a good thing that people, a lot of you have read. It's so funny that Ron Bennington is in that so fucking funny it really does it look like he's reviewing a pump and dump group that's what I was saying this picture is the over this is the overflow group of the election so there's only

oh so how many of how much cast your vote then cast your load I'm telling you can I say something I want to say something I thought a pump and dump would be not as good as that That's a that's a good-looking pump and dump, right? You know what I mean? So I'm not one of these fucking discount. I thought it'd be like me like a guy like me Just fucking big sagging nuts. They're hot like it's ripped dudes. Oh really hot dude. Oh, so so it's it's a like there's never like a there's not never this fat I mean, I'm on it He does a pump it up and nobody shows up Decorations you guys keep coming to the room anybody show up I got all this pie for the pumpkin dump. I call it a pie and dump.

I guess I gotta eat all this to myself. Pump pie and dump. Pumpkin pie. I wonder if there's somebody who did throw a pumpkin dump and nobody showed up. I'm sure that's happened. My heart goes out to them. That does suck. If that's you, it gets better. Yeah.

That's what that phrase was for. You're so supportive of your community. It gets better, man. Someone will come. Just is so supportive of your community it gets better man someone will come just do that okay so now when you have a regular butts and sniffles what's it called butts and dicks but then we get sniffies the regular so a regular sniffles app now there's grinder where you meet guys right but a grinder grinder was what I thought was the bottom of the barrel till I saw this sniffles sniffies. What's the top? Why do they call it sniffies by by the way? I don't know

What happened? I don't have an answer for you. I wasn't scruff a thing to us a thing But scruff is like kind of on the level of grinder. It's just like a hookup app So you hook it up you might meet somebody talk to him go off for drinks and maybe have sex So not it that's the that's the classier end of the spectrum on Grindr. Grindr's mostly like a hookup app as well. It's just like more torsos and faces than just straight up. So they'll show you what you look like, they're there, I'm gay, I wanna meet a guy.

It says in the thing, they go, I wanna hang out or I just wanna fuck or whatever the. But, but. Yeah, I had a guy message me today that he said he wanted to come over, I would just be be laying down ass up anonymous, which is normal Wait, come over You're late like he gets a key to your apartment and he goes in your laying down. I guess I buzz him in and then I run back to my bed And then he's gonna find out which room is yours.

Sorry, I'm looking for, Devin? No, yeah, that's Devin. I'm looking for, you don't look like that to your brother. How happy would it be if you went to the wrong room? He just sees your beautiful little ass hanging out. Hey, I'm like fresh out of the shower. Hey, dude, if you come over to fuck me and you bump into me too.

That really is like Goldilocks. Hey, dude, if you come over to me and you really is like, no, too cute. Too big. Just right. So, so the guy, I got too big. No, I was just so let me ask you a question. So the guy wanted you to lie on your belly, so you buzz him in, you run back to your bed. I guess that was... We didn't discuss all these details, but that would have been the...

From the kitchen. He's gotta run from the kitchen. Taking your clothes off all the way. You're in the middle of eating pie, you're like, oh shit. And he just wanted to come in and... That's the thing people wanna do. It was essentially a one man pumping of his own stuff.

What did he wanted to do? I mean, I didn't answer. That's so old old-school. I show you I have the message problem I'd love it. Don't show is he could you answer now and we see what he says. No, he's gonna be here I don't want to run out do a quick pump Hey, we do a live pump and dump on the show the patreon We commentate like as a game Going in for the pump and dump right here. I feel like oh

Just one pump from John. I feel like oh Scott one pump right there I tell you what he's been having a good season Just you know, that's not like him Injury folks we had an angle right there. Oh season edge ankle out right there. Hate to see, oh, a seasoned injury. He's going to the blue team. All right, we're going to take a break, eat some pie. We'll be right back after these commercial messages. Brought to you by Snippies.

Unprofessional with pie and gandhi. His Pum and Dumb is brought to you by Snippies. But it happened. Brought to you by Prep. For the love of God, if you're doing any of this, take that. Now, is Prep, I don't, when AIDS was out, it was fucking out. Now, you take Prep and you don't when AIDS was out it was fucking out now you take prep and you don't get AIDS I think that's kind of the vibe no you

should you know your doctors yeah so I believe what prep does is if you don't have AIDS yet and you take prep you won't get don't have AIDS yet and you take prep, you won't get it. If you have it and you take prep, it'll make it so less in your body that it won't, you can't spread it. I can't spread it. So if you have AIDS, you can take prep, not give it. And it's called pause undetectable. Pause undetectable.

Yeah. And it might be, yeah. Do you take prep? I don't, I probably should. I'm just not, I'm not out there like that. Yeah. What are you talking about? You're about to lie in your belly in the afternoon.

I wasn't about to. Two roommates could the afternoon. I wasn't about to. Two roommates could argue. I wasn't about to. I know where he laughed at it, but the visual of you getting butt naked from the kitchen like, and then having enough time. He's going to go up like three flights. Yeah, but you know he'd fuck up and not open the door. I swear to God, I get better than I hear it buzzing again.

I'm like, fuck. No, he'd be like, hello? In here. No don't doubt it here it one more around the garbage to what the right and he's going to all the art and i don't know what the fuck this he's a little back to shut up shut up shut up that you get having we get to see your before and after

how you know what did you know what it is guys a career even if i just i will i think that they should do i'd you guys are good at doing the like, grinder voices. Do you want to read it? Do you want to read the- Oh please. The grinder voice. So the yellow is me. Okay.

Alright, so who are you going to be? I don't know what, whoa, okay. First of all, I want to say the form is very poem. Yeah. It's kind of like a poem. Alright. Wouldn't you be? I want to fuck you. I want to fuck you, Anon, which is anonymously.

Anonymously. All right. You read the other. Walk in. Oh, you. OK. Let me do half of it. OK.

I want to fuck you, Anon. Walk in. You be ass up, face down. I eat your ass. Fuck you and go. Negative on prep, you be too. Average cut, not hung. Use it well, 17 and day load. Oh, day load. He's been saving it up. Is that what that means? Yeah, he's got a 17 day load. People tell you how much load, how long the loads are.

Why is he typing like this? Like it's a hypo. I assume because it's also his bio. If you click on it. That's why I was reading it. So the reason I think we always talked about was I think what you talking about is they talk like that because they're typing It's so fast because they're so Missing word don't need to fuck now average cutoff on 17 load day dropping kid off at school Need to fuck now gotta be home because on my fear when he showed us grinder Let me see if I could find a lot of the time time it's not their name, it's just what they want.

It's like their order. So this one's perfect! So, so, so... If you want it maybe in that voice-district. I swear to God. So this guy is 30 years old. He's 30 years old, no profile picture. And his name for his profile is...

Not John. He's not years old, no profile picture. And his name for his profile is not John. He's not like Kevin. What is it? It's Fart On Me. Fart on me, when you're nice enough. So it's his fortamine. If you ate a pie. You ate a pie.

This is his bio. I want you to fart on me. He's skipping all the pleasantries. He's skipping all the pleasantries. He's skipping all the pleasantries. He's skipping all the pleasantries. He's skipping all the pleasantries. He's skipping all the pleasantries.

He's skipping all the pleasantries. He's skipping all the pleasantries. He's skipping all the pleasantries. He's skipping all the pleasantries. He's skipping all the pleasantries. He's skipping all the pleasantries. He's skipping all the pleasantries. He's skipping all the pleasantries. When you're not sure if you ate a pie You ate a pie I want you to fart on me He's skipping all the pleasantries He's like, you don't need to know my name Fart on me

Or just tell me what your last one smelled like Yeah Wait, go back Fart on me, that's the title And then about me Or just tell me what your last one smelled like Wow Are you sure that's not a joke? Are you sure that's not a joke?

We'll share pics with like-minded guys. This is not a joke. This is a fella. Pics of what? It's just air. It's just like a room. It's like a cartoony, green gas. It's like green gas.

It's face is going like scrunched up smelling. So do you bring guys back to the apartment? Yeah, I've not often but I have like that. I brought that I met a fella What is this was my room pre so I gotta call it work one day is that after you fuck the guy Yeah, that's That was that was fart on me, he came over. And it got wild. What the fuck?

Now I'm going to call at work one day that says, hey dude, we pranked you. And then basically my room at this point looked like this, and I was all like, I was coming home from work and I was like, ah, fucking, I have to, they pranked me, I don't know what they did. And we kept being like, it's really fucking mean. We were like, dude, we've got a we're not gonna like but you know is a comic like I gotta put on the face like I gotta be a good sport about this yeah whatever it is and then it was the sweetest thing literally no it was funny it was fuck it wasn't fucking such a nice room no they did that it's beautiful I know it's funny You suck that you're really with pumpin dumps

Well, it does not look like that anymore. Wow, did you get in the middle of the did you hang the lights? Roommates are gayer than you I swear to God. I knew you were Well, we thought it was funny because like nobody does it's fucking great nobody cleans another man's room Do you have a rug before now? The TV was on the ground we brought on the TV stand TV stand by the painting No, he had that no we actually got him that big ass The whole time though were like how fucking funny is this we're gonna make his room nice. I almost cried I thought we had a third friend who wanted to go to

Comic-Con we were like no you don't get it it's and we're manic we're fucking manic on the streets of Jersey City carrying furniture through the fucking streets he's like such a sweet like this even camper guy and I was like I just remember a moment where I was like running with the friends I was like come on come on and I look back and he's like we're calling're calling each other. We're like, you got the tools. You can put that together over there. Yeah, I'll go over and get that. I'm like, yeah, I'm a dollar general. I got the Christmas lights. But then we were like, this is

nice. Not funny. That's on us. How long did it take you to fuck it up again? We were making wagers on it. How many pump and dumps did it take you to fuck it up? I would say three pumps, two dumps. That's a nice room. It's a beautiful room. A beautiful room. Really beautiful. I mean, they moved the desk over away from your bed.

It's basically like that now, except for there's like, I put my- Pies? You ruined it. There's a bunch of empty pie trays on the floor. I didn't ruin it. When you walk in there, it's still basically that room. Nah, dude, it sucks, nah. It just, it's just-

I wish I had taken a picture. There's an aura to it. There's an aura to it that was just. Not the same. Hey, when you guys get home, send me a picture and we'll cut it in right now. Alright, we'll cut it in a picture, right? No cleaning. No cleaning.

You think I'm gonna clean my room? Yeah, sorry, that's on me. We'll do that again once we're worried about you again. Next time you guys prank me, it'll go away. Next time we're worried about you, we'll do it. So now, like, you guys, you live in this thing, but you guys, you put them in your videos. What? Wow.

Like you do these- Yeah, me and Connor have made videos since high school. You guys have. Yeah. And went to college, lived together, still made videos, did our own thing. Like I did more, I kept doing it. Connor went to the frat route a little bit and then we reconvened up in Jersey City Yeah, I got that look and how did you get involved in this? Well, so I met in college you all my friends joined frats

And I needed new friends. He needed a new friend. So he joined I was in the stand-up club at Rutgers So he met yeah, you're in a club. Well, so I Here's what happened. Here's what happened I did I started comedy in the city and then I transferred from two Rutgers and I was going there and I was commuting and These guys who went were in the club saw me in an open mic in the area And they're like do you want to join our stand-up club and they were cool I was like, yeah, and a stand-up club is a club with stand-up comedians It was so it's like you keep once a week week week you have an open mic at the end of the semester.

We had like a show. It was a good time. But they would give you notes if I remember right. They would in hindsight. I got notes that I only did it once. I got in at the tail end. Yeah. Is this the Akash thing?

No. So our crazy autistic Indian friend Akash took the idea that we had and turned it into like a money laundering scheme for college. So you guys knew each other for college and then you met him in that thing. Yeah I needed like a new, like I didn't know what to do with myself because I I hated parties so um. You hated the frat life. Yeah just couldn't do it. Right. Why not? I mean I don't I never like. I'm a fucking weird guy like I'm a weird like I around groups I get all like I can't handle myself. So I needed like other Idiots and then these guys found me like a dog on the street

Yeah, and brought me in and then and then you came back into his life Well, I was right time over there. It was just like but you just party and go Yeah, I was doing that type of shit the worm a bunch. Yeah like that Little bit softer now that's it. Yeah, all that singing dancing. Yeah. No, I don't know I feel like I mean we hung out a lot the whole time. Yeah, we live together. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I don't know more just like you started stand-up just before you did So eventually after did you start after you graduated or before? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then more just like you started stand-up just before you did so eventually after did you start after you graduated? Or before yeah, I yeah, I started when we moved Jersey City

I just thought because they were he was in it was that did you start because he was in it well I feel like I always kind of wanted to do it and then like we moved and then like when you guys were moving To Jersey City. I was like all right like I know I want to make sketches And I know I wanted to stand up so let's it. And then we initially moved in the same room. Yeah, we were living in the same room for a while. Because I didn't have a job yet. How was that? Neither had a job yet.

It was... It smelled like pie and ass? It smelled a lot like pie and ass. It was a pie and ass room. Did tell him how you would wake him up when he was snoring. Oh, dude. What the fuck did I do? So I was, I would, one night I'm sleeping and I get, I just kind just kind of like I wake I don't know where I wake up

I'm like what the fuck I go back to sleep and then I hear I don't want to ruin the equipment if I just can if I Can I hit this with a oh? Do that shit? And the next day I just go hey Did you hear like a like a smack in the middle of the night and he told me what he would do is cuz I snore Yeah, I forgot. What he would do is he'd smack the thing, I'd shoot awake, and then he has to beat me back to sleep.

He, he, he, he. And I used that on Colin when we went on vacation to Austin. Dude, now when I'm in him, it's a great move of someone's. Dude, I was probably fucking up your room. My wife snores and I do this. I just push her and she goes, it wakes up but I pretend to sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do it all the time. Yeah, it's a great move. I just push her and she goes and wakes up, but I Used to I know your guy I know that sucked because it was a small room

It was that room is two of those beds in that room We had to but you guys would have I could hear to the wall having the most fun of your life like laughing like Yes, and I would go over there and I'd be like, hey guys, I'm like, we're kind of going to bed now And I'd be like, hey guys, and he'd be like, oh, we're kind of going to bed now. And I was like, all right, sorry guys. And he fucking broke my heart every time. He'd go back and be like, you want to play PS2, Devan? He'd be like, PlayStation?

Well, we weren't doing an opera. If you now join the fun, we're up for three more hours. Yeah, I get it. I get it. You add another guy, it's like now it's a hang. Oh, you can sleep. If you wanted to fall asleep, you're more than welcome. For sure.

If you wanted to remind me of when I started comedy in New York with Patrice and Billy and Vaughn. We all used to like, well me and Billy lived together. I slept in the living room on a couch when he was in town and because he had a place in LA too and we would just we lived with an African dude, South African dude that loved hockey. I'm fucking with that I would love that imagine our apartment. There was just also a South African did he would which one of them is you? What's my name? I mean him we get along swimming He would hate you me and him would get with South African like like a gentleman like a like a white South African

He might not like He was the F word a lot yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we would all go back to the house play Xbox hang out which one of those Patrice what's happening which one of them is Patrice which one's bird which one's boss what do you mean you just compare them to them? Danny oh, no this this reminds me of what we did just way gayer Not more pine yeah, we hang out smash each other be really mean to each other Yeah, and and someone would always get it so it always get piled up on it was never like Even it was always like you were dead. So we're doing the right thing

One of us died yeah come on the way out I got in trouble by these guys once for being too mean why well we do we do tease each other so I think it's just you gotta massage the like finding the I went to in what'd you do I just did it too much are you just me I was just a teaser you would just see that's where I come from. That's my family. Right. You are a teaser. You're a ball buster.

Yeah. You're 100% a ball buster. I was with Mike Rowland the other day, and he doesn't like that. And I was like, what do you do when you hang out with Bobby? And he was like, I make him be nice to me. Who's that? Mike Rowland. Who's that?

Guy on animal control. Guy that bitches you into being nice. I don't know. You know him. I'm kidding. No, I'm not. I don't do that because of I'm kidding no I'm not I don't I don't do that because of that he says he makes what yeah dude fuck no he's kidding I was kidding I don't want to get oh god no no no Keegan was that you were saying

he basically the situation is you're kind of holding his pocket no I learned well he has a show no he's a very lovable man who I thought he's a sweet guy I think you were saying he's like Bobby's I think he's one of the funniest people out there. No, I swear, I learned a long time ago, there's guys you fuck with and there's people you don't fuck with. I don't like DC Benny. I don't fuck with... Lenny Marcus. Yeah.

I love Lenny, one of my closest friends. I've known him for 25 years. And I don't fuck with Lenny Marcus. Because he doesn't... I had to learn that. I had to get that muscle. Because I come from my... Pete Corielli, I don't fuck with Lenny Marcus because he doesn't I had to learn that I had to get that muscle because I come from my we really I don't do that yeah yeah yeah because they're not they don't come from that background because I'm hanging out with Norton Voss Keith Patrice Billy yeah yeah it's a vicious evil terrible it's dude I would be scared to come into the cellar I would

like look in a mirror I would look at the window in the front and be like, this is good. It was terrifying. Yeah. But then you'd bring it to the table with like a DC Betty. I'd be like, why would you say that? I've been in that my entire life because my dad and my uncle are like, you're eating cereal there, you're fucking gay. And you're like, alright, this is this is what I have to do to survive. And then you meet people and you're like, oh, other people don't like when you treat them like this. And you gotta unlearn it.

You gotta put a governor on with certain people. Where it's like, all right, I can't, I really wanna say something about his face right now, but I can't. Yeah, it's a tough skill to learn. Especially when you hang, it's so fun. to learn especially when you hang it's so fun It's a trend to trash people. It's fun, but it makes me feel bad after I think about it when I sleep Yeah, I hear you. I've actually

I've been hurt. Oh, I've been hurt. I've been hurt to the point I got hurt so bad in in Amsterdam by Keith and Patrice where I almost teared up in a van I was like looking out the window, just looking out at the sun, just trying not to cry. Because they were smashing me. They were smashing me so bad. While they're making fun of you, you're like holding back tears.

Well what happened was we went to Amsterdam and they put us in this, it was like, they called it a boutique hotel, but it was right in the red light district. But it was a shithole. You had to put like the key in the front we had a window this big that went into an alley that guys would look in thinking we were fucking whores yeah we had metal bunk beds we had a shower that there was no what it was just the floor like the shitter and the floor you had a before

picture yeah yeah but I was, I was just excited. I can't believe somebody flew me to fucking Amsterdam. Right. And they were a little more, they had a little more respect for themselves. And they were like, this is bullshit. They called the guy, bitched him out. And I was like, I'll stay here.

You know what I mean? Little fucking ass kids where I was. So they left me at that fucking hostel. And they went, and the guy guy was like it's an hour away It takes you won't be able to be in the city. It was 20 minutes outside the city It was a they had two floors had a piano They had like swans in the back They called me but I had to go to the pay phone because there was no phone in the room and they

Had a call me down. There's a foot and I'm like he goes you stupid motherfucker. We're looking at swans So they bitch got the better hotel and you're stuck at the hostel. I'm just stuck at this hostel, but before I left on 8th Ave, back in the day, they had these stores in New York where you could just buy men's clothes. And back at that point of time, in I think the late 90ss early aughts like polyester pants and shirts like the button-down shirt with the black pants yeah we're in can I start this sounds gayer than what we do fucking in a polyester suit crying in a van yeah yeah it was gayer we like I bought these pants. I didn't know they were bell bottoms. I didn't try them. I just bought them. So I bought a black shirt

With black pants. So when I and it's my only outfit for the show like my dress outfit So I come out it looked like I was wearing an evening gown. Yeah, cuz it just went So I'm standing in front of the hotel they had to come pick me up from their nice hotel and they're in a van like a And I hear Patrice laugh. He saw me standing out there in his evening gown, and I heard, Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa me. They attacked me it was a probably a 40 minute ride to the venue

They attacked me the guys who booked the gig hated us He didn't like us because we were such assholes, but you just throwing their money fucking gloopin glee pins He just hated him. So he this guy had to pull the van over He was laughing so hard at the pounding I was taking. And I just remember being in the window going, funny guys, and it was, they would not stop. They just, and they were laughing so much at it, and the guy was laughing, he had to pull the car,

he was like, I'm sorry, I have to pull over. And I'm just like, I'm just like, okay. So you're stuck in the van for longer. I had to do a show in this dress. Dude, I had to go out and he's like, you have this, motherfucker. He wore a dress for you tonight. And I had to walk out and my fucking stupid bell bombs were swaying. So every joke, it looked like I was dancing. It was a nightmare. That's the worst they got the driver to laugh because they're hard to crack.

Uber drivers don't want to laugh. This guy Of course so the I was down there and you have this thought I was not talking to me like I'm not a fucking 30-year veteran of comedy you've been to Austin. I've been to every state of comedy. You've been to Austin. I've been to every state. I was trying to, I, I, I, I apologize. I was joking. I'm sorry. No, I apologize. I hurt your feelings. He's in an Uber and thanks for taking over. Sensitive queen. I will go to a pump it up with no problems. So actually you got sensitive that I didn't pay you the respect of your ba ba ba. I was kidding. I was kidding too. All right. You want to make up? Yeah, let's make up. There's this large man driving large and there's Connor in the front seat, me in the back seat, and Devin's behind the driver and Devin just goes... Can I explain?

I had been for the whole time I was in there, I was like, how are people in Austin fat? Because it's so hot. I'm a fat guy and I'm miserable at every, everywhere I go I'm sweaty, and I'm miserable, and I'm directly behind the driver's seat, so I can't see him. And I just, I say that, I go, I don't know how anyone down here is fat. For five minutes he's talking about, it's impossible to be fat here.

I don't know how. If you're fat here, you're a fucking idiot if you're fat. You are a dumb fuck. I get out of the car and I look at the 400 pound driver. And me and Keegan are the only one who can see him and we're just looking at him like ah. He's just going, he's just going. But for fun. It was like a 10 minute ride and then we go I just, like you gotta be a pig to be fat. We keep going. Like you have to be eating slop every day. You gotta wake up and go to your trough. Go to your trough.

Like, no, no, no, you're a bad person. You're a moral person. You're scientifically impossible to be fat here. And the guy's just like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah a minute with stand-up comics the next generation coming up. I was like, ah fuck Fuck that's why I was happy hanging out where I was like, ah, you know what if fucking this there's pieces of shit Fucking hunks of shit Other people hunks of shit still. Yeah, for sure. Put those fat Austin drivers in the place. I thought you were calling other people hunks a shit and we're the good ones. No, because I would go back to the table and a lot of times, I'm not saying who or when, but maybe like, yeah, it's really tough and you got a comedy and I heard when you want

to make it. And it's just fucking like talking comedy psychology to each. It's like, guys, we did this because we didn't want to fucking do that, you know? And it was like, when we were hanging out last week, and of course you and like, and Danny too, like the younger guys coming up, there's just fucking garbage.

Fucking shitty people doing stand up again. It's just good, Devan. You should make fun of more fat old guys. It's going to help you. Well, because comics was so, like there was a kind of generation that came up and they wanted to be so pristine and nice and treat each other with respect and where, you know, it's like, no, that's not what this is. This is revealing your fucking awfulness Bobby

Danny don't ever interrupt me what I tell you you're not a comic on this. No, I'm good What do you say and this is I'm pretty gay But the reason that the three of them are like this is because of you guys like they all like well Yeah, a huge ONA guy Because yeah, but here's the deal we Talking about I mean I'm telling you right now, we would go to the back table, like we'd be like, what happened?

Like they were all nice. Like the table at the cellar was a terrifying place to sit down at, which to me, even like at Nick's Comedy Stop in Boston, it was terrifying to go there because they were just killers, murders. It was, to walk to that table was terrifying to go there because they were just killers murders It was to walk to that table was terrifying, but it actually made you stronger and funnier and Relax, you know, it just made you better

I felt like terrifying because they were good comics or terrifying because they could bust your balls Well because look at man if you couldn't take it We I've good I've seen cry, like literally walk away in anger tears, which are the worst tears. Which is what you want at work, what you want at work is the consequence of always almost crying. Yeah but comedy, to me comedy was always like something you didn't want to do. Yeah. Like you, I'm gonna be a comic, why? Now it's like I'm gonna be a stand-up, oh good for you, I was thinking of trying it too, it's like what?, I feel like I feel like comedy is becoming dirty again Yeah, where where people are just being themselves revealing the darkest fucked up shit

and and being alright with it the fact that you three fucking a jock a fucking twink and a fucking queen And your friends with this boat heart Makes me happy. Do you know what I mean? And for too long too? Too long. Yeah. Now, what are you gonna do when you've really become successful? You got to leave these guys You know, you like you like the bugs in the I like the bug you like this No, I couldn't I couldn't these guys like me. So if you let me ask you question they come to your day Like this, I'm gonna do a show you're in you gotta go to LA. LA yeah you're gonna keep the pad am I gonna keep like if I had the money to keep LA dude you go you got a show coming yeah of course I would I'd miss

these guys but you'd go tell a yeah yeah you want me to like look back and be like I can't go fucking bumping and Devin's fucking bumping and dumping. He's doing a head spin or whatever he fucking does. No, yeah, if he tried to stay, we'd go, go. Dude, you gotta go. No, but I do work. I mean, I work with Connor constantly. Right.

All day, we just, we set up cameras. No, what's happening is they're going to go to LA. Do you feel left out? No, because I don't- Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. I have been- Look at me. Do you feel left out? No, cause I don't... Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. I have been in... Do you feel left out a little bit?

The thing is... Look at me. Look at me. Let's open up, dude. We never do this. Let's open up. Seriously, do you feel left out a little bit? I think that... Oh my gosh, that's her. Yeah, I do.

No, I've been in some of the stuff. I've been in the sketches and stuff. Do you wish you were more in more? I wish I was better at it. I'm not as good at it as them. So you're putting it on you. Yeah, a little bit. That's bad. Why?

Because if you say right now, yeah, I do wish I was in more, they might be like, well, put you in more. Why don't you have some confidence? Well, I would have, but he had to say it for you. You just didn't have the confidence to say it on your own. No but I don't like you know what I mean. You're doing the right thing. You're gonna teach him a valuable next time he gets an opportunity he'll take it. He's had so many valuable lessons. This guy is full of valuable. Really? If I right now had said yes I'd like to be in more this I'd be in all of them?

No. No not all of them. I'd put you in more yeah really yeah I mean it just would have to make sense cuz Hollywood he's backtrack I mean I would definitely do it if it made sense now make him look at you and do that I hated that if you want you know you mean if we needed a chubby gay guy in the scene absolutely what you can't laugh he laughs and sketches are you doing breaks you break yeah I yeah it's funny I know but you know it breaks I'm having such a swell time well maybe you can put them in a couple more yeah I'll put you in a column on a right a TV show together or something so we're trying to do right now. Is he in it now? I'm not fucking to write a TV show is crazy cuz like you got to get everybody together. I just got to do it like

Stop I Got to do it alone my own a little bit and then me and Connor get together we write it a little bit Yeah, it's hard to get people together to write a thing Yeah, but would you write it with them if you they needed time goodness yeah I'd love anything why do you use the fuck oh goodness why'd you turn into an old lady listen I think Devon's one of the funniest people out there so I'll tell you right now we I yeah I know funny fucking young dudes and this dude's a funny guy.

He's a funny guy. We had a show together for a little bit until we stopped doing it. What was the show? It's called Life Be About. Dixon Butts. Dixon Butts. Let us know about the sequel. Dixon Butts Center.

What was the talk? We still want to do it, but I think our best dynamic is just real life. So we did a show called Life Be About. It was like right after I got out of the accident, we were We were going to do a show where we don't, I don't know the meaning of life. So we're going to find it by trying everything. So we hired like a teacher and we learned how to teach people. We hired like an art teacher and we just made fun of her. It was really fun. We would basically set up scenarios where they're teaching us stuff and then we just get to be dicks. Like it was actually really funny. It's just hard to film. It was nine cameras and the whole production thing right why do you ever try to pitch it

and sell it to somebody no and let them pay I wasn't at a spot where I could pitch it when we were making it right I got him pre this was almost pre social need it's a weird thing though cuz we what's his name the kid that was on the other show before you guys Corey Corey B it It's weird because you got, you know, you make it on social media, you don't know what's going to happen. It happens, not overnight, but it just, it happens

rapidly, fast. And then you got to, you got to, I mean, I could have, I swear to God I'm on a list. I'm on, I had him on my show, I'm still at 126,000 people. I thought you were gonna at least get me to 127. That clip got 10K likes.

Buddy, and I got none of them. Really? None of them stayed. Yeah, that's because you did the voice, dude. What the, dude, I didn't do the voice. You did the voice in the fucking clip. What voice? Lollipop voice.

You did post, you posted the clip of the voice. That's Danny. Danny's saboteur. You think Danny's saboteur? He doesn't want me to make it. Yeah. I want it to be known. I do think you're very very fine. Oh no thank you. And I think you'll be fine. That is the saddest shit I've ever heard. You'll be fine without them. Yeah, no I will. What if they... You were a mermaid. I was a mermaid. No I've been in some of the a mermaid I was a mermaid and I've been in some of the sketches I was a mermaid in one of them. Yeah. No, look at me. You guys are doing the right thing You're hanging out together It's gonna suck when he does take him and they leave and they just continue to pay the rent

So you can't have anybody else move in it's just you alone with pies. That would be great. That's the situation I'm walking around new with my pie. Go ahead. That's the saddest you'll die. Yeah I'll die untalented and unloved. You know, you're very looking I haven't seen you stand up, but you're a funny guy You got to be funny. It's good. You're not you're not he's taking good. It's good. It's what it's good. Good Standup try one more time. How is he? It's so good, he's great. He's an amazing stand up. I can't do it. No, I mean that though.

You revved it up too quick. He really is. Yeah, you guys are doing it right, man. And you're in the cellar and out of these guys ready to be in at the cellar, you think? It's a tough one, right? You're fucking asshole, dude. So not yet. You're right.

I mean, I don't, here's the thing. Every time I see Devin, he gets fucking 10 times better. So I don't know where you're fucking asshole dude yeah so not yet you're right I mean I don't I don't you here's the thing I've every time I see Devon he gets fucking ten times better so I don't know where you're at right now because we don't go to the same shows anymore you could have just said yes I don't know I don't know I don't know I'll answer no. Yeah, I don't know not but I I started a lot sooner than you guys And I also I have like a full-blown. I'm in those weird. I have a corporate job right now. What do you do? I'm an accountant for like a big one. You got golden hands for like a big one But like a big golden handcuffs like it like if I if they heard it like they there'll be a bummer for them and me I guess this podcast. Yeah, they'd probably be bummed out But like but I'm at the point where I'm like I'll go on the pot

I don't want to get a fucking dumb text message that we gotta edit out the thing. No, no We have to edit out all that If your mom doesn't know you're gay, she's dumb. Really? You see it right off the bat? I mean, have you heard him talk? I didn't know. He said Missy and fella.

He used to say dog. He's old school gay. He's classy gay. Are you old school gay? Classy gay. That's awesome. Fancy gay. Yeah, he's fancy gay. I didn't know there were different genres. Yeah, of course there are. There's all kinds of gays. There's just one gay. Classy gay. Fancy gay. Yeah, he's fancy gay. I didn't know there were different genres.

Yeah, of course there are. There's all kinds of gays. There's just one gay. Sorry, no, I didn't know. I don't know the rules. There's not rules. It's just, you know, choices. Choices.

All right, we're going to wrap this up. Mitlis, first of all, great to meet you. Great to see you again. Good to see you again, too. I love that you guys are fucking rockin'. You guys make me laugh. And I would definitely love to have you guys back on I'm fucking, I love that you guys are fucking rocking it. You guys make me laugh. And I would definitely love to have you guys back on again. Yeah, totally.

That was awesome. That was awesome. Maybe one time I'll get a fucking in a sketch. Do you want to be in a sketch? Do you actually or are you kidding? Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, before, when you travel. This is where you have to have confidence. I'll take it and then I'll cancel

and you can fill in for me. Because you know what I'm saying. They do to do pretty well whatever sketch is going to do is going to be a chucky guy uh... none of the other two bros it's all in front of most of its improv i love you see that i was doing i'd watch why i was because the improv something funny to just laugh you can't just added that lat his laugh out he can but why would you go to the to receive the and i don't know what we no leverage why would you get it but you smile when you're not smiling

you're great like right now when you're telling him this yeah just tell me that i'm smiling and i'll stop smiling immediately stop smiling you want me to in the middle of a sketch go stop smiling no no i'm saying you gotta give me this speech before you you're a good actor but you're not in anything and then i'll be perfect there's a, you're a good actor but you're not in anything. There's a reason you're not in anything. Roll. Alright listen, we're gonna wrap up now, we're gonna give some plugs and also we're gonna go to Patreon and admit we got questions from you. If you want to ask guests on the show

questions, just go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly, become a member and do me a favor. I got a brand new YouTube page up. It's YouTube slash at Robert Kelly Comedy right Danny. Yes at Robert Kelly comedy. So go there all my stand-ups up there and putting all I have no stand-up on the internet I just figured this up fucking 30 years into the business I think I was the first comic on YouTube and I forgot to put stand up. I have a, seriously, I had a YouTube page when nobody was on YouTube. Wow. And I put, there's three clips up there.

And one of them, I think, one of them was just me backstage going, yeah man, I got a new page, do some vlogs, when they were called vlogs. You're doing vlogs? Dude, I did vlogs. and one of them was the, I think it was Lone up there, my one man show, my short film on my iPhone,

and then I think Dane Cook electrocuted me with a Taser. Wow. We never vlogged. That's punk rock. We did not vlog. Dude, I fucking vlogged. Do you ever vlog? I don't believe so.

Yeah. Do you ever vlog? No, I've never vlogged. It's a sad page. And I leave it up to remember. How do you start it? What's your intro? Hey guys! Hey guys! You don't know how to cut. You must have gone, what's up dudes?

Yeah, they hit him with a dude. What's up dudes? What's up dudes? I know it's poorly lit. I know the lighting's fucked. Oh, it's terrible. I know it's in a hotel room. It's just fucking lighting. Lighting back then cost $7,000. I know you were sitting like the lamp was behind you or something, the shadows all over your face.

Terrible. But I was the king of Zoom. Yeah, Zoom? Oh, Zoom, dude. Zoom? Wow. During the pandemic, dude, I looked like CNN. I swear, as soon as the pandemic hit,

I called my friend who works at Adorama and I go, I need to know everything. And he taught me everything about lenses, lighting. It's lens, lighting, and then gear. Wow. And I had that natural bokeh, G5. I had the fucking lighting. Oh my God, it was so good. Can you guys do me a favor?

Can you do me your impression of me? Dude, no, no, not you. Wait, I'm gonna get to you. I know you're eager But see but I I've just talked to you this whole you're not like you haven't been cartoonish Like I feel like when everyone does your your impression is always a kid dude. Yeah, but Len. It's just that was pretty good But then you just go hey, I'm Bobby you say he has no confidence who I mean this guy gave fucking yeah, dude What's more is fucking smiling or that? Why would the chicken cross the road is the farm is already there the feed is there Well this is a normal person he doesn't he doesn't find sound all the time though you're on shmoney he goes

Fucking talks. I just try it. Just try it. See all right if I just do what you just did you I mean just try it Go, that's what you just said. I mean fucking no you gotta throw a little bit of that I mean fucking hey, I guess that that's you get better. I mean, fucking. No, you got to throw a little bit of that. I mean, fucking. Hey, I guess that's you get better. I mean, fucking. All right. I mean, I could do a yeah, a bigger like a what do you call that? I hyperbole. Why are you falling apart right now? Why are you treating me like you're in a. Oh, you do great. It's OK. I've done this before.

I don't know. I'm just I'm just trying to explain myself. I get it. I get what he's doing. And then I go, you do a great. I try to explain myself. I get it. I get what he's doing. And then I go, I try to explain myself. I do like, I like when you like, whenever you think what I'm saying is ridiculous, dude. Yeah. Dude.

They're not fucking each other. That's like, it's like something like that. Billy Burr used to do me in all different scenarios. He'd be like, Bob Kelly falling out of a plane. There's Bob Kelly in the cave. Dude! This is Bob Kelly when there's a ghost in the house. Dude?

All right, I get it now. All right guys, let's do some plugs. First of all, I'll do my plugs. January 23rd, I'm going to Kansas City, the Comedy Club in Kansas City. All my other dates go to Comedy. Punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. Stop scrolling. Punchup.live slash Robert Kelly.

Well, in his defense, we learned earlier, he can't see that. He could. Stand up and scroll. Stand up and scroll stand up and scroll is it is the desk Is that the size of it like what if he's got it like then arch over to get to the I mean that way There's a little glory hole so we could see through yeah Bigger something well he can look through the also. I'm not looking glory hole. I want to say something if you're fucking cruel a better Maximizer glory hole I'm gonna say something right now you three fucking assholes. He can see. That's what that's the Bobby idea. He can see. Fucking assholes. He can see. He can look right through that hole at that screen.

Bobby, Bobby, I'm not the one doing this. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. The computer. Can I show a quick thing about Danny? Do we have time for me to give a quick thing about Danny? 100%. So Danny, I don't know where we're at in this saga. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no being skits. You're gonna fucking earn it. What are you gonna do kid? Do it without breaking. Danny is talking to a lady in Florida who he matched with on Tinder down there and he's a very attractive lady and he's thinking about flying around. There's a woman who might come to New Jersey to have sex with a poor Danny. I'll tell you what, when she realizes her ticket says frontier airlines, she's gonna not come.

No, we wanna... She gets charged for a backpack? This woman is at ten and a half, like the hottest woman ever. She's not coming on Frontier on his bonus miles. Alright, trust me, this cocksucker, she ain't coming. They're getting along, she might come. She's not coming. Well, she's definitely not gonna come.

Alright, let's... What? Oh, that's the man that deserves a big glory hole that is a man who needs more glory in that hole Danny I'm gonna get you a bigger glory hole just for that all right let's give plugs to everybody right now what do you got bro follow me on instagram counter Daniels 91 that's my only plug that's it. So what do you got? Instagram as well. There's a link in my bio for tickets to stuff. All right. Yeah, same deal Devon Hall comedy And then you know, I also I'll plug the dojo I work there and I'd love the place and it's getting some heat right now and I love that people are going So if you haven't been there yet, you gotta go. You know why is getting heat, right? Are you about to take credit? No not at all. You've been very complimentary. I've been pulling your you'd say nice things at it.

No it's just that he fucking the owner of the club realized that if you treat the seller did the same thing Manny the owner of the seller just said I want to give the comics a home, and I want them to be treated right. And they put the comics first, made sure they were comfortable, having a place to hang, having a good time. Everybody from the little to the big are treated well,

and he makes sure the crowds behave themselves. And they're great crowds crowds Jersey's great city it deserves a comedy club like that again and it's got one it's fucking awesome it's a great he did that from the get-go too and never changed that yeah no it went from like a fucking room above a rib joint to like a banger of a yeah I had a fucking and I was not feeling well I mean I was fucking oh you have never heard I mean I don't want to like suck your dick too much, but I've literally never heard

Someone kill like that the walls were shaking. I was I mean I love I had a blast at that fucking place No, but I it's not just and you can watch 21 minutes of his show there on YouTube comm at Robert Kelly comedy We got a big enough, Glory Hole just got two inches bigger. Bingo. Now we're in that Glory Hole. Wouldn't that have been a better name than sniffles? Glory Hole? Yeah. No, that's a thing. Yeah, but it's already kind of got like, that would be like if you called like your, it'd be like if you named this podcast Toyota. It's kind of a weird thing. Alright guys, make sure you check these guys out. So hilarious. The next generation of fucking funny.

We're going to go to Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly right now to ask your questions. So if you want to ask questions to anybody on the show, you got to be a member of the Patreon. We're going to go there right now. You guys are the best fans in the world. We'll see you next time on You Know What, Dude? Fuck, uh, hey brother, when you bubble up. We all need somebody to follow.

I just might have tummy ache that you could help. Cause I could let loose on your face Follow me When you're not strong When you don't smell Or when you smell Smell's not important It's really neither here nor there

You ate McDonald's And had a shake Oh you went to Chili's. You got the lunch special. Just follow me brother when you need a hand we all need somebody to follow. I just might have a problem and you got emaced That was nice You're gonna need somebody to follow Danny filmed that