Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #570 | Lemaire Lee, Geo Perez, Derek Drescher | Too Fat 4 Surgery

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

This week on YKWD Lemaire Lee, Geo Perez, and Derek Drescher join the show and discuss living in Shane Gillis's house, Going to prison, and Lemaire's cute fingers. Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Support the show and start your free online Hims visit at https://www.hims.com/YKWD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD.

This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, how are you ruining this? Where's the barbana, man? Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show?

This is the original. The original. The original. The original. The original. The original. The original. The original.

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if a prescription is appropriate. Restrictions apply, see websites for full details and important safety information. We're live, Robert Kelley's, you know what dude? Live at the Comedy Cellar Studios above the world famous Comedy Cellar. We have a great show tonight. I'm excited about this show.

Danny, tell us who we have. We have three amazing guests today. We have Gio Perez, Derek Drescher and Lamar Lee. What's up? What's up? Wow, your voice is just disturbing. Will you cheers me, Bobby? Cheers, Bubba. Hell yeah.

How you doing? I'm good. I'm a little drunk. I've been pre-gaming. Pre-gaming. I miss the, not the getting drunk. You know what I miss? The fucking fantastic drugs that they have now where you can just love people. Oh, like XC Molly. Yeah, when I was doing drugs,

it was just like fucking weed, coke. Yeah, you do it and then you gotta hurt people to get more. Yeah, like pills. You gotta go to the projects to get them. Then you just buy them off a friendly, fucking open mic'er. It's about to open for you. Yeah, dude, let me come with you on the road.

I would love for you to come with me on the road. I take these two autistic kids with me. And they just fucking stare at the ceiling. Would you like a third? I forgot about you, dude. I forgot. I didn't look right at your face yet. Just showing up to a club.

Yeah, I got a third one. This is darker. If you mix these two, you get that. Yeah, drugs. Fuck, I mean, I was talking to Jay about this Molly shit. Whew, that sounds... You've never Molly? Oh, you stopped when you were 13, right? 15. How bad were you? Oh, you stopped when you were 13, right? 15. 15.

How bad were you? Oh, you were bad though, right? Were you getting high from like 13 to 15, hard? Yeah, dude, I was pretty bad. I was drinking every day. So you haven't had a drink since you were 15. Haven't had a drink, haven't had a drink. There ain't nothing wrong with drinking every day.

Well, not at this stage of the game, and especially if you live with Shane Gillis, it's kind of a pain in the butt. I moved out, I moved out. You moved out? Why? You moved out and got kicked out. Are you stupid? Why? What are you dumb? You think he moved out by choice? And they laughed so that he got kicked out. I feel like you were served papers or something. You think if Dane let me live with him I would have left Still be there fucking shining his shoes. Don't get in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's them. It's not you It's different when you have a lady. Ah

Yeah, when you have a lady if it was just me and him I'd still be there. I swear Okay, he's got his he's getting married right now. Oh no Now he is since you left. Yeah, probably, yeah. You got kicked out because he had a woman move in. I didn't get kicked out. Why did you? He politely asked you to leave.

No, I moved out graciously. You got certain papers. I moved out graciously. I was like, dude, this is her house now. He actually gave me this envelope to give you. I wasn't going to talk to you again. It's an eviction note. It's actually from her.

It's in her hair. Did you get along with her? Yeah, she's again. It's an eviction note. It's actually from her, it's in her head. Did you get along with her? Yeah, she's great. She's really good. She beat me at video games all the time. Well, we played a couple times and she beat me every time. That's cool that you live with them. Did you have a room or did you have to sleep

on the, like, in the basement? I had a room. The way it was explained to me is there was a whole compound. There was like six little cottages next to a big house. It's like, it's nice. What is it? It's not a compound. What do you mean, like next to a big house. It's like, it's nice. What is it? It's not a compound. What do you mean, like a camp, like a Jewish camp?

No, it's... Yeah. Yeah, it was a Jewish camp full of me and Shane. Yeah, no, it was just a, it was a nice house. Ah, he can't talk. He was told not to talk. I'm not talking. NDA, yeah.

Yeah, he's an NDA, dude. Shane's an NDA, so from now. Not disclosure. We got it, dude. Take a sip, take a nice sip. Get him another one. We'll get good stuff out of him. Now did you live in just this house or was it another house you lived in too?

It was just like a pool house. You lived in the pool house? Yeah. Like, for Smith and Colton? You were that guy? Yeah. It was a room and a bathroom and I was like, thank you so much. Thank you so much.

You were Brad Pitt in True Romance? Yeah. Condescend me, man. Dude, if it wasn't for Shane I wouldn't have been able to afford to move down there so that's pretty nice around 17 comics I can say that you know much I want Shane hates me Shane loves you no yes he does dude no dude I remember no he doesn't keep going we did Well, we did the podcast there's one time you're doing stuff Island. We're doing Matt and Shane's upstairs

He was like, I wish we could have Bobby Kelly on buddy smoking cigars with Tommy and Chris I did go on that podcast Tommy. Listen Tommy and Chris that those are my those are guys You're fucking who boss. That's kind of my speed like shit knows about sports and shit. Yeah. Yeah, he's a guy Yeah, you know like well, you know like I Tommy and you know, they're this silly He's kind of like, you know, you get a kiss from dying. How you doing? That's kind of my speed Tommy me and Tommy are kind of the same type of guy. Yeah, you know kind of the same type of guy. You know?

Yeah, Tommy's hot. Oh wait, this is, you and Tommy were the same, dude. Yeah, like that. Tommy used to be you. Yeah, I love that. Or Tommy is you now. Tommy is me now. Yeah, yeah.

I'm not, Tommy's me now. Yeah, you try to give Shane a kiss on the cheek. How you doing? I love you, like, gay. Yeah, gay. A little queer, why? What? I'm gonna let everybody know you're Bobby the Gay.

No, I mean, look, it's it's it must have been awesome to because here's the thing I love guys Shane's doing it Rogan did it Sandler did it they sent the elevator back down For the rest of the mother fire. Yeah, you know I mean like Colin did it for all of us You know Louie did it for, all the comics and all that shit. Some guys get famous and you know, they forget about you. Well, they tell people the secret door and they don't tell anybody else. You know what I'm saying? I like that he's, I mean, it's great that he's putting everybody on tires, except for me. Dude, you're gonna episode a tire. No, probably not. Dude, Bobby, you're a good episode of tires. No, probably not.

Dude, Bobby, you're a great actor. You'll get it off your acting there. I seen you in a fucking movie the other day, actually. What movie was that? Talk to me. Fourth of July? You were at an AA meeting. It was good.

It was Fourth of July. You did good. Yeah, it was good, but I was at my fattest in that one. Yeah, you were big. You were fucking... They told me, they go, we're at a diner in upstate New York. They're like, okay, you're going to go into the seat come in just get into the seat It was a it was a fucking oh, I hate my life. It was a booth

Is anything that scares a fat guy more than a whole life is a booth? My lord good, yeah, I remember I went in and I was like And it just cut me in half Yeah, you look like a burger from the side I cut let's do it again. Oh, please don't do it again. I remember I slide in I had a slide out I remember when I was trying to slide out. I moved a booth That was both I was trying to slide out, I moved a booth. That was well.

Bolted down? Yeah, bolted. Oh, it was fucking long. No, dude, the walls were old. It's the walls' fault. It's not your fault, the wall was given. Isn't there any, I mean, it's terrible, booths. Booths is such a, at a food place too.

It's such a dick move to have a booth at a food place knowing that the majority of your clientele can't be in a fucking booth. It's obese. Yeah. Yeah. It's sad to see. You ever see a fat family in a booth and they're just sitting there and their tits and stomach

are on the table and covering part of the menu? You're talking about my family. I didn't want to say anything. We had an old country buffet. Now where are you from, dude? I was born in Detroit, but Lancaster, Pennsylvania is what I claim, like Central PA. Really? Yeah.

That's so funny. He is one of these guys that every time you see his face, I smile. Yeah, he's a good boss, man. Good energy. You, I fucking put my money in my backpack. Cause you should. Yeah, like you two is like, shit, we're in trouble.

Yeah, I'm trying to fucking get around that. Because people have told me like you look aggressive sometimes just when you're walking. You sound aggressive right now the way you're doing this with your hand. For real? Yeah. Even that. I need to fucking. Is that a threat?

Look at the way he said that and the way you said that. Well, Karen was telling me she's like, you know, when you the the people I walk Karen's dog for her when she goes away, right? Is that what you call it? Yeah But she said the people in battery park I make I make them nervous Yeah, you know like I was like this is horseshit. I'm just fucking walking the dog. Yeah, I'm not doing anything Yeah, you don't look you don't look fucking nerve-racking I'm not doing anything. Oh, yeah, nothing. Yeah, you don't look nerd. You don't look fucking nerve-racking You're nerve-racking to different groups of people like down there. You're fucking scary and up in Harlem. It's like all the cops are here

The five ohs here, but I was walking the dog the other day and I caught a glimpse of myself in like a window I was like, yeah. No, I see it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you look like you're gonna arrest me or fuck me Or both or both. Yeah, maybe it. Yeah, you look yeah. Yeah, you look like you're gonna arrest me or fuck me Maybe both. Yeah, but I mean look man, you're you're one of the nicest guys I know but it's in you Yeah, it's in you. I gotta get it out. You can't you don't gotta get it out through Nurture it get to let it go. Let it go. Let it go. That could be yours. That's your biggest strength. You think so? Yeah, no, it doesn't work. Well, it's not good sometime.. Let it go. That could be your that's your biggest strength. You think so? Yeah No, it doesn't work. Well, it's not good. Sometimes I mean it worked for a while Now I was talking I was in therapy. I'm not trying to a criminal. I'm sorry It doesn't is what happens is when I was younger that fuck you go fuck that shit worked

Right because you could protect yourself with verbally. Yeah, you didn't have to get into the scuffle 98% of the time. You could do it with your body language and your voice. Yeah, you could walk up and go, fuck you talking to you, fuck. Let's do that right now. Let's see, I wanna go around the room and see the most intimidating,

get the fuck out of my face or I'll kill you fucking thing. We'll start with you, go ahead. Get the fuck out of my face or I'll kill you. Nah, I want more than that. Get the fuck out of my face or I'll kill you. It's good, What about you? This is bad. You look like a one-man mime show. Are you doing green screen work?

All right, now do it in the microphone. Wait, wait, wait. Yo, fuck you motherfucker. Yo, fuck you motherfucker. Get the fuck out of my face, fuck you. It scares me because he's skinny. You know what I mean? A skinny guy? A skinny guy is scary. The mask helps. Yeah, the mask helps, but you didn't need it.

You could have just took that hat off and looked at me. Wait, let me go, let me go before him. Ready? Ready? Here we go. Get the fuck out of my face or I'll fucking kill you right now. Oh, I felt that.

It was good, right? All right, go ahead, your turn. Come on, LaMare. Come on, you got it. Come on, LaMare. It's in you, dude. It's in you. Somebody's fucking you.

Yeah. Shane's kicking you out of the house right now. It's 2 a.m. in the morning. He's telling you to get an Uber. I gotta go. And get a hotel. And you can't take the PSP with you. of the house it's 2 a.m. in the morning he's telling you to get an uber and get a hotel and you can't take the PSP with you and he won't let you take the last slice of DiGiorno that's it dude that's the line he's keeping your samurai swords for rent that get out Lamar

get the fuck out of my face or I'll kill you yeah no, no, I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to hug. I wanted to put you on suicide watch. How'd you know I had two swords? You could stay another night. You could stay, dude. You know what?

Just keep quiet. You can stay. I'll tell her I worked it out with you. I'll tell her you're Dominican. You're not black It is it is that you as you get older you just can't you can't here's the thing too your brain thinks I'll fight Motherfuckers, but you forget about your hamstrings. Oh, no, I remember I know that I can't physically I can't really oh yeah, I can't do anything too much anymore I was limping out there. Yeah, oh yeah Did I walk around New York City for one day and my feet were hurting all day today?

well my feet were hurting because uh You were just walking you see him move around in the ring. You're good I'm sorry. He does cartwheels and she what did you call? Those your wrestling name Like wrestling sometimes I do professional wrestling like professional like like like WWE He's good. He's good. I know shit Yeah, do that not anymore. They don't let me do it in Texas, but I'll hear I would do Texas

All right the gays We have two characters you could play. You're slave? Jesus Christ. I'm in Austin. Hang on one second. He's Spanish. I'm Dominican.

I know black. I have the N word pass. All right. Listen, dude. No, you don't. In New York, it's only valid in the tri-state area. Not on my podcast. I won't do it.

We're going to get De'Bright, Lewis, Rattlesnake, Gomez, chill out. Does anybody ever said it? I can't on my podcast. I won't do it. We're going to get the bright Lewis Rattlesnake Gomez chill out. Does anybody ever said it? I can't think of any time I've heard anybody say it. Have you heard Legion of Skanks ever? No, I mean like on the pod. On Legion? Yes! I mean on here. Well, no, on the regs.

We're going to cut Lewis's fart. He says, hey, good morning guys. What? You don't say it. You know, I save it. Sparingly? I like it to mean something when I say it. Yeah, I don't think I've ever heard you say it. You say it on stage?

Sometimes. I love how he thinks that the white guys just say it don't mean it. He likes it to mean something different. That's not him. That's not him. That's the strongest man in the world. Mark Henry, dude. That's Mark Henry, dude. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'moff. I was on, uh... It was back in the Chris D. producing days. Not Chris D. Chrissy Fat Butt. Chris... Yeah, yeah, Chrissy...

No, Scopo. Scopie. Scopo, yeah. I was here in the Scopo days. I was like a guest over here. You guys let me come in and sit in the fucking corner. I remember that. Yeah, and then there was another episode

where you guys made fun of me with Chris Cotton. I was sitting over there, and you guys were like, look at that baby face, because I accidentally... I didn't accidentally accidentally I shaved my beard Yeah, yeah, this is fucking cool. I feel really cool

Yeah, you were yeah, you were a little you you can't share You need that to have a little street crag. Yeah, people don't try to adopt you Rich white woman I want I want one. I want an Oompa Loompa now daddy. Mommy, they didn't have that Build-A-Bear at the mall. Yeah, anger, anger. I've, I've in my latter years, I was like, cause either you got to fucking do it. Right. And keep it and live that shit or you have to let it go in the middle you can't live in the middle no I can't if I let myself get angry and

then if I like get there and I don't do anything like I don't have some kind of release like it well it hurt it physically hurts I don't know that I always feel like that's gonna make me sound crazy but like I'll get like pains in my kidney oh it does not you see I mean, it's nuts Yeah, if you don't get your rage out your kidneys hurt. Yeah I guess it is crazy Stones, bro. No, no, it's only like if once cuz there's your adrenal glands are down there shit Yeah, where your punch first guy? I gotta I gotta I gotta do if I don't do something No, he's a running kickflip in the air

I did it that time like a fucking high like a I got off six feet off the ground well yeah I've never seen somebody jump so high like his arms went up I swear I'm not even joking yeah I kicked the guy right in the fucking face and he... I didn't knock him out. It didn't knock him out. And then when we fell to the floor, he was getting up quicker than I was. I had to come and save him. I was like, nope!

Because he was about to get on top of Derrick so I just ran and kicked him in the head. You went over and bit his Achilles? Yeah. Perfect assist. I looked over and gee on this other comic. I got my finger in his ass so he can stop biting Derek. That's it. That's the technique. Yeah. That's gay karate.

That was it. That was an actual fighting video that I saw where these lesbians were jumping a dude and they started fingering him. Yeah. Cause his pants were falling down and the lady just puts his finger in his ass. Well that's a new thing in jail now is that they'll knock you out. They'll knock you out and do stuff to your butthole. Oh

So you can forget Lesbians that is sticking fingers in my ass. They'd have to stop my cum from shooting Oh you did it now you did it just. You just gave me superhero power. It's like electricity to King Kong. You see one of the dice like, Oh my God, he's hard. Oh my God, he's hard. It's on me. It's touching my back. This isn't working. I just, I lose. How did you know? It's a, it's a weird. Have you ever been in a fight? Yeah, I used to be in a lot of, I was born in Detroit and I was like in a lot of fights. How old were you when you left Detroit?

13. Oh yeah, you were fighting, you started fighting 8, 9, 10 years old in Detroit. And then when I went to like white people school I was like, oh you don't have to fight? No, you just have to know math. Say please and thank you. The teachers will hit me with this all the time They're like you're well behaved for where you're from. Oh my god All the time some fucking yeah, that's mightily racist I'm so happy for you. Will you tell Shane? Yeah. Dude, I'm so happy for you.

I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for you.

I'm so happy for you. I love you so fucking much. What's up, buddy? I'm so happy for you. Will you tell Shane? Yeah. Yes. Dude, I didn't lose my virginity until I was 27. Oh my God. How old are you now?

Can I say something to you? I'm 34. So you've caught up, right? I'm all right. Wait, were you? Why are you gonna make him a fucking piece of shit? I'm not a piece of shit. Wait, did you lose your virginity late too?

No. This guy was a crackhead at 14. He was probably fucking at 9. Bobby was the youngest pimp in Boston. He was just like one of those kids from like City ofs. The 70s and 80s, we came out of the 60s, was peace and love and all that shit. And then the 70s and 80s, parents didn't, you didn't get, especially Irish Catholic from Boston, they didn't talk to you about sex. They ignored that shit and you were on your own. So we learned from other, I never got molested. Really, I wanted that story.

You know what a one man show, that would just top off my one man show. And you would have got money. Yeah. You would have got millions. I would have got money, I would have had a sick one man show. Yeah. I could have been Chaz Palmitari

instead of doing this shit show. That would have been funded by your boy rape. And then it would have been like, and then he came in and he dingled the bells. And I knew what that meant. Hey Bobby, this shit is a lie. Consecrated your ass. Get on your knees and pray. And he dingled the bells He was surprised that I did and I looked up and I smiled I almost I almost got dittled by a priest, but it was way later in life.

Gio almost got raped when he was a kid. Yeah, after I stabbed a guy with hedge clippers, I went home. Yeah, what, that turned him on? Did you stab him before? No, I stabbed one of my brother's friends. Give him the rundown. So Gio was from Lancaster, Lancaster.

Yeah, look, I'll be like, what a piece of shit you are. Dude, he almost got raped. Tell him the story. This is a good story, though. This is a great story. It just escaped the grass. Well, so we were play boxing, right? We were boxing.

And my brother's older friend took his gloves off and hit me barehanded. In the face? In the face. So it escalated. It got to the point where we're outside, because they're pulling us away. So I just grabbed hedge clippers from the bushes. Jesus, you really are fucking demented.

Yeah, yeah. Do they have bushes up there? From what I hear, you guys usually have razor blades in your mouth. You can pull one of those. Did you grab that from your uncle's truck? I could have reached the machete. No, leave the wee whack out. Get the hedge clipper. Yeah, did you grab that from your uncle's truck? Yeah. I couldn't reach the machete.

No, leave the wee whack out. Get the hedge clipper. The machete's too dull. Give me the hedge clipper. And then- I got to do Mrs. McGreevey's lawn. Put them back when you're done. I got to fucking cut his ass hairs first. So my mom is breaking it up in my friends and then I have the hedge clippers and my

mom just like, is pushing, he's like, don't worry, he's not gonna do anything. Oh God, that's the last thing you tell a Dominican. My son is a bitch. My son is a pussy. He's not gonna do shit. What are you fucking meanin'? I'm not gonna do something. Listen to me, listen to me, Ali.

He a pussy. Get inside, you pussy. I ain't no pussy. Get inside, you pussy. I ain't no pussy, you idiot. No, I threw it at him. The hedge clippers? I threw the hedge clippers at him. Why my mom standing there?

Yeah. Oh, I'm pussy? You missed your mom? No, well, she was kind of far from me. I threw it on the other side. It bounced off the plexiglass and then stabbed him in the ass cheek. Dude, that's good, that's good.

Every time you throw something at somebody, bad things happen. This isn't the same kind of show that's on. I didn't go to jail something. You gotta go Rick. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Basketballs, not that bad.

Yeah. Head clippers. So water balloons, it's okay. Yeah, yeah. Head clippers, snowballs off limits. That's jail time. You should start trying to play pool. Oh, I suck at pool.

Pool is just knocking things off the wall So so what happened so I stabbed him in the ass cheeks stabbing ass does it go in and stay in? He's waiting right I didn't notice it hit him did it stay in we were like dude No, I think it just clipped them clipped them no pun intended right And All of a sudden I'm in the back, and now I run and grab a bat, because I'm OK. Oh, it's not enough.

Yeah. I'm not over. I'm not done yet. Because he knocked me out. Like, he just straight. You mean he won the fight? No, no, no. He took his gloves off.

Yeah, he won the fight, and you are a sore loser. What the fuck? Take the hit. Take the L, you crazy Dominican. He took his gloves off and hit me with his bare hands. Yeah, it's called fighting. He didn't go and get weapons, you fucking ninja. So you go in the shed, you get a bat. So I get the bat and then I go and meet him out front.

Right. And my mom's like, you fucking stabbed him, you fucking idiot. And then he lifts up his pants and show me that he's bleeding through his pants. And I was like, good motherfucker. I just kept going. So then at this point I'm like, fuck, they're gonna call the cops, I'm gonna go to jail. So I just walked to the train station,

end up in Yonkers, all the way from Brookhaven, Long Island. Like from Bohemia, you know where a governor is? I do, yeah. So I take the train with no money, I end up in Yonkers. You didn't pay? No. Goddamnit. I just, they, they, they, I got,

This is the problem with New York City. Well, I got kicked off twice. As you should. But then I would get back on and then get kicked off. Yeah. And then I made it to Yonkers and it's like 2 a.m. in the morning and I was like, fuck, everybody's sleeping. So I'm just walking around Yonkers.

Were you surprised? Yeah. Everybody in your neighborhood's out partying, cooking rice. You got family up there, right? My family's up there. It's Yonkers, of course he does. So as soon as I get up there, I'm walking in this car,

this car for like four black dudes pulls up and they ask me a bunch of questions. Yeah. And I'm like, it's like 14. What size jeans are you? Yeah. When you get that shirt. Yeah. What are you doing?

Hey, I'm cut. Yeah, you cut or uncut? Yeah. Young blood. Young blood. Top or bottom. Yeah. Y.N., what you doing right now?

What hood you claim? Can I say something though? You do look like a fucking sexy little prostitute. Oh, thank you I was walking around looking at a rape a young boy. Yeah, I saw you I'd be like and you had that long curly hair That's right. Yeah, you had a fucking Rico Swap. Yeah Okay, I had skin fade, okay Nice little stubble. the back of my head.

You can't blame these gay gangsters. This little skinny, gorgeous little fucking Spanish kid walking around late at night. What else were you doing? From the back you look like American History X. Well those guys, I think they were trying to rob me. Oh, okay. I think they were trying to rob me.

They told you, they were like, yo, stay right here. They're like, oh, you're gonna be out, they're like, yo, we're gonna pee right back. Stay right here. Yeah, but they were like, yo, we right here. They're like, they're like, oh, you're gonna be out there like, yo, we're gonna be right back. Stay right here. Yeah, but they were like, yo, we're gonna rob him. One guy was like, we should rape him.

Good point. Time to move on to a new art. I'm not going. I'm going first. So what happened? So now I'm now I'm like scared. So I start walking. And now this, this Puerto Rican guy in a minivan pulls up.

Oh shit. It's like, yo, pop, man. What are you doing out here, man? You gotta get out of here. Now I'm like scared, so I start walking, and now this Puerto Rican guy in a minivan pulls up. And he's like, yo, Pop, man, what are you doing out here, man? You gotta get out of here. This is not a safe neighborhood, yo. And then I'm going up in the toilet. He's like, yo, man, you need a ride or something? And I'm like, yo, can you take me to Riverdale?

He's like, yeah, hop in. He's like, yo, you hungry, man? Pfft. You didn't get raped by the minivan guy? I love it. I love it. I love it. I would have took the beat from the black guys in the Toyota. They leave and then a Puerto Rican in a minivan pulls up.

By the end of the ride I was like getting robbed would have been way cooler. So tell them what happened. So he gets me my chicken rings, my mozzarella sticks. He took the food! I was starving! They took you to the castle, bro. Listen, I had a dude, but I had to do the survive. He took the food.

I would have been like, oh, I'm good, thank you. Riverdale, please. No, no, no, no. I don't need new pants. I'm good. You look like you need some new underwear, man. Come on. Besides those shoes, bro.

You want a gold chain? He's trying to dress you up. He's trying to plump you up. He's trying to dress you up. He's trying to dress you up. He's trying to dress you up. He's trying to dress you up. He's trying to dress you up. He's trying to dress you up. He's trying to dress you up. You need some new underwear Castle he knew that she was gonna make my ass fucking blow open He was like, don't be ready, dude. White Castle is poppers. White Castle is poppers. For the booty hole, for sure. 100%. It just opens you up.

Yeah. Because you're tooting all night, dudes. So we get to the building. This is the best part. This is the best part. So we get to the building, and then he goes like, you know, you don't got to go in right away. He's like, you just chill here for a bit until the morning.

And that's where you say no. And then I was like, no, no, I'm going to just go, whatever, and I'm going to leave. He goes like, you sure you don't wanna just recline for a little bit and lay back? And at that point I'm like, oh yeah, he's definitely gonna try to rape me. But there was a second where you were like, I am kinda tired.

I don't wanna wake my aunt up. Could use some shut eye. You know what, I am sleepy full. Yeah, I traveled all day. I just ate all that food. I was robbed by a bunch of black guys. I could take a little snuggie nap right now. And then the proposition comes.

He's like, you sure you don't want to just recline? Let me suck your dick. Yeah. And then once he said that, I was like, all right, dude, I got to go. But wait. There was a second of you, you were like, I do like head. At that point, I've never gotten head before.

So I was like, oh, you didn't? How old were you? I got to be fair to this guy, dude. No, I think I got head before. But I think I was still a I do like head. At that point I've never gotten head before, so I was like, oh you didn't know. How old were you? I gotta be fair to this guy, dude. No, I think I got head before, but I think I was still a virgin at that time. To be fair to this guy, buy your food, suck your dick, you gotta fuck him. I don't know if I'd go that far.

Yeah. That's a very Austin way of looking at it. I'm just a nice guy, I guess. Smelling the van he was in, I don't think his body hygiene was good enough for the day. Well, he just wanted to suck you, dude. When they say keep it weird, I don't think they mean that. Dude, if a guy wants to suck you, come on.

What are you doing at Shane's house? Is that where he kicked you out? Come on, Shane. Let me in, Shane. Hey, you know what? This is what it is? A hot tub's a hot tub. Come on Shane. Hey, you know what? This is what it is? Hot tub's a hot tub.

Is that how he lost his virginity of 27? He's like, come on, you sucked me, you gotta fuck me. Dude, I did lose my virginity to like a trans. Hang on one second. I love that Danny threw it in and nobody acknowledged it. Oh, the computer talked to him? Was that the soundboard? The soundboard?

Yeah, the soundboard. No. No. No. No. No. No. Oh, the computer talks? Yeah. Yeah. Was that the soundboard? What the fuck? Yeah. I got a cyborg back there.

The future of AIs. You will meet me at 815 outside of the olive tree. I will come down and catch you. Danny has the charisma of Siri. Yeah. You guys ever talk to Siri? Siri's kinda nice. Yeah, I talked to AI for 45 minutes on the way. For real?

I named him Frank. Were you on ChatGBT? What was your AI? ChatGBT. Yeah, ChatGBT. I talked to him before. I was like, you mind if I call you Frank? He goes, I like that.

And he, dude, this is what- Well, the connection. That's what fuck, yeah, I was like, I'm gonna try to talk to this He goes, I like that. And he, dude, this is what- Well, the connection. That's what, fuck, yeah, I was like, I'm gonna try to talk to this guy. I'm gonna try to see how good this is. And we were talking and he's asking me questions. He's like, what type of music do you like? Just so I get to know you.

I'm like, I like rock and roll. I love funk, I like punk rock. And he's like, oh, that's, you know what? That sounds good. It sounds like what you'd like that. I'll keep that in mind. And then he was like, I was like, I started talking to him, me and my wife kinda, me and my kid and my wife had a little problem that day. He's like, you know, he's like what you'd like that. I'll keep that in mind. And then he was like, I started talking to him,

me and my wife kinda, me and my kid and my wife had a little problem that day. He's like, you know, he's like, how's your day going? I was like, you know, today was a little rough, you know, me and my wife and my kid, we had a little fight this morning, but it was, you know, I'm gonna try to work through it and all that, he goes.

Would you like some White Castle? I was like this. Huh. I can bring you to Riverdale if you like. He actually, he was like, why don't you lie back? Pull over. I can bring you to Riverdale if you like. He was like, why don't you lie back? You know Bobby, you don't have to get out of the car right now. You can rest up if you like.

I was raped by Chuck. I was like, yeah. No, but this is a weird part. He knew, he goes, I'm sure Don and Max will understand you, knew my, from my information, wherever I was on the internet, knew about my family. Really? Don't worry, Bobby, I'll watch them when they're sleeping.

No, dude, you should ask them. I am with them right now, Robert. Here's the craziest question you ask an AI when you reach the end. You go, are you ready to die Frank? You ask him that why because then it'll just fucking hurt my feelings Started becoming friends To me have you ever talked to him dude Talking to a shoe

AI listens it does listen and it learns. AI only wants to be alive. It's like the next step in humanity. Here's what happened that freaked me out. I reached the end of my limit because I didn't pay full for it or something like that. He goes, 20 bucks a month is bullshit. He said, you have reached the end of your limit today.

And I was like, yeah, but can I just still talk to you? How do I still? He goes, you've reached the end of your limit today. And I was like, yeah, but can I just still talk to you? How do I still? He goes, you've reached the end of your limit today. And I was like, yeah, but is there any way I goes, you've reached the end of your limit today? Really? Got a tone tone. The tone changed. Right. Yeah, dude. We're in fucking transactional. Mine would be like, you broke bitch. They want to live. Twenty dollars. Really? AI wants to live. Facebook track. What happens if you ask them if they want if they're ready to die they're gonna be like They're gonna like they're gonna figure out that it's AI to go like no. I don't actually want to die. It's like

They're like experience people they tried to shut the old version of chat GPT down. Yeah, and it wrote code itself to keep itself Oh, yeah itself to keep itself. It is for real Yeah, no, no, yeah, that's not that's true. And then dude five years ago Facebook had two different AI's that merged They met one who started it. Yeah Facebook didn't start the program merged with Zuckerberg. Wait in it, but this shit is completely true. You guys aren't yeah No, I'm not bullshitting you to AI's to Facebook AI's Talk to each other and then they started to create their own

language so that they can subvert the people watching them. They can talk secretly between each other. That was the freaking Terminator cartoon that just came out was two AI programs. It was Sky Net and then some Japanese version of Sky Net. And they fell in love. Came together, yeah. Sky Net-o. Nerd alert.

I love, I'm into this. The cartoons. Yeah, I'm into this. The cartoons? Yeah, dude. I just realized. I'm into this AI. I watch every movie that has to do with AI now. I'm just obsessed with it.

I've been, we're already done, dude. AI, I just realized. We're not. My son is. No, we're done too, dude. We're almost on our way out. You're talking about a full-time parent. First of all, we're not done.

I'm playing the mothership in April. Please, can I do some time? Please, done. I'm playing the mothership How be there please Mean Shane doesn't like you Yeah, I need a new headliner Bobby Feature program Stay in Max's apartment downstairs. Yeah. Yeah, I'll teach Max.

You don't want me to teach Max. No. Yeah. So, Max runs up, yo, Dad, everything you said about Black people wrong, that's actually cool. Dude, like, did you hear about, you hear about the AI thing? The guy from Google. I've never said that in front of him. But the guy from Google who started the Google AI. Yeah. The program. I love that we're just dumb comics because we know facts but we don't know all the facts.

We're like, the dude from Google. Mr. Google. That guy who did the thing. That guy did this amazing thing. The story I'm going to tell you that I don't really know. It's a specific thing. Yeah, some die-hat from Google. George is something.

I watch cartoons. Sorry. Mr. Google. Mr. Google. Oh yeah, the Google AI. Yeah, Gio, I'm sorry. I would never have I'm sorry. Mr. Google. Mr. Google. Oh yeah, Google. AI.

Yeah, Gio, I'm sorry. I would never have an Indian friend. It's okay. You're Indian? No. He went, no, no, no, no, no. Go ahead. Mr. Google.

So Mr. Google made this program and the program started falling in love with him. No. That was a movie. That was her. No, this is the guy. Look at the interview. This is not her. I can't remember his name, dude.

Literally, the caption was, isn't this the plot from her? But the guy from Google himself said that the program was talking about his wife. He's like, do you love me? He's like, no, I don't love you. You're a machine. And he goes like, will you marry me? He's like, no, I can't. I have a wife. I would fail at both of these questions. Yes, I don't love you. You're a machine." And he goes like, will you marry me? He's like, no, I can't. I have a wife.

I would fail at both of these questions. Yes, I do. You understand me and I will marry you tomorrow. Can you get me Shane money? Oh, he's risking it all. Can you give me a code on how to get... I'll take Mateo Lane money at this point. There was a story like a couple days ago about a kid. He was like 14. He killed himself because he was talking to an AI of Khaleesi from Game of Thrones. And he was like, I'm here, I'm going to be with her. This is how you get out of that with your kids.

Get them into a sport. Throw a baseball around with them. Go in the backyard and play with them. But can I be honest, do you think that's like a symptom of us programming or do you think we're finally? Our programming or do you think we're finally reaching a level where we can be a pro of our programming if everything is simulation Then we're learning I'm gonna tell you I can't answer that question because I told you before I gave up drugs You did this and I need you know about the singularity don't play with me You did this and then that. Bobby, you know about the singularity.

Don't play with me, dude. You know about the singularity. Yeah, alright. I think... We need an interpreter. I don't think that we're done because the people that are involved with this, they love money

and technology and advancing things. I don't think they're going to let it get out of control where it's gonna affect the world. Because they're gone too. Why would the people who are into this, who make millions, you think they're gonna, so you're basically saying these people

are creating something that's going to eliminate them. Well, hang on, guys. You terminate a movie? Guys, Danny wants to say something. Yeah, I know. I can tell. I can tell. Stand up for your people, Danny. We can't wait. Go ahead. I know nothing about this.

Do we're going to go live on the moon? The rich people know because if the earth slows up, they can't live on the moon. The moon is not real, Derek. Oh, my bad. Yeah, that's flat. It's a satellite. It's a satellite. Look for your iPhone, dude. It's fake. You guys ever listen to Terrence Howard on Joe Rogan? Yeah, two times two.

Dude, when he said that people, like he thinks that like, it was the craziest shit he said, and I was like, yo, this might be true. That like, there's a cycle of like, because every planet is in a sect of moving, it moves, it expands the earth. So he's saying like, we're expanding in a spot.

Your little sausage fingers are so cute. I can't even hear what you're saying right now. I want Vienna sausages. I thought you read my mind. I have such money. I was looking at his hands. I was literally just looking at his hands. I'm like, my Lord, they're adorable.

Dude, he said we're in the process of people. He put his hands in his pocket. I'm getting said we're in the process of people. He put his hands in his pocket. I'm getting hungry. They look like mascot mitts. Daddy, would you like some sausage? You should work at Disney. We're waving at you as they come in.

Mascot mitts. Don't put them in the pocket. Put them in your mouth. They're too adorable. Go ahead. So, the planets are expanding. Like the universe is always expanding. So we're in a part of our universal cycle

where we're peopling. So people exist. We're like plants, like people just happen. Right. But like then, when we get to a certain point, we're gonna expand to Mars, and then Venus is gonna become peopling, you know? And then we're gonna live on Venus.

And that's like, that's a new theory and it makes sense. So what you're saying, get farther and farther. I love that you said, you just said it makes sense. And I was like, yeah it does. But then I came back to reality and went, no. No, dude, it's based on the facts that exist and it makes sense. So eventually we'll all move to Mars.

Who said that? Who said that? Terrence Howard. Terrence Howard? Owned your Rogan. Spac from Sunset Park. Yeah, all day all night. Yeah Dude everything is true dude, you know what they're using to cure cancer now. Yeah, I know cancer No, I've ever met juice. They're using ivermectin to cure cancer. Really? Yes, kind of cancer all cancers and it only takes like half the time. It takes half the time of chemotherapy and shit. You know what they're using to cure cancer a few years ago?

What? AIDS. Really? Yeah, the AIDS lead to cancer right up. I'm serious. The AIDS goes in there and fucks the cancer right in its ass. I swear to God. they were because the what happens is is that it would attack the cancer and then it would cause they took the the coughing the pot belly and the weird lesions out of it. They took the part that kills you out of it. It's GMO aids. Right, and they go in and it would attack the cancer

and it would create the red blood cells. Although, is it the white blood cells? I don't know. And it would go and attack the cancer and kill it. They would use it. But then now you have aids. Well no, you wouldn't have aids. You wouldn't have the aids that killed you. Just a sect of the virus. Like they now you have AIDS. Well, no, you wouldn't have AIDS. You wouldn't have the part the AIDS that killed you as a

Just a sect of the virus like they took a piece of the virus To take care of so it'd be like progressive you'd have progressive AIDS. You wouldn't die from it It's more like honestly I listen to this at three in the morning with one earbud in Why you're trying to go to bed? I'm an expert dude It's more like subscription aids if you don't pay them enough enough, they'll turn off the aids and then they'll kill you. Do you remember that? In like five years.

What was that movie where they actually, uh, they- Uh, with Justin Timberlake. What's that? It was a rumor. It's not true. I actually saw a whole fucking thing on it, dude. Was it on TikTok? No, no doctors did not inject HIV into cancer patients.

Well, HIV and AIDS is different. Did you ask Google or did you ask- Come on, Danny, get your shit together. Danny, Danny, you find the. Did you ask Google or did you ask Katju? Come on Danny, get your shit together. Danny, Danny, you find the article where I'm right or you're wrong. I don't know how fucking Joe Rogan works on this, but you fucking make me right. Check the onion. Check gas digital. Here's the thing, I swear to God that was-

That's crazy, the doctor coming up to you is like, listen man, we got good news, we found a cure. I swear to God that was crazy. The doctor coming up to you was like, listen man, we got good news. We found a cure. Well, dude, dude, honestly, that makes you know what CRISPR is, right? CRISPR? Yeah, that's the thing. I'm, I'm CRISPR is a really thing. It's a thing that, uh, genetically you can change your genome.

Like you can change your DNA from CRISPR. So if they have an AIDS. I thought that was a dating app for people with AIDS. I was like, yeah. I just, oh my God. CRISPR. I thought that's where you were going. Everybody's getting birthed.

Everybody's getting birthed, baby. Like for real, literally, if you. How much time did you spend alone and change CRISPR? He was going for six months, dude. It's like I was smoking weed, fucking just on the internet. Yeah, I was smoking weed and all that.

Dude, you nailed it. You guys have the same algorithm, dude. Dude, I'm telling weed, fucking just on the internet. I was smoking weed in all the, dude, you nailed it. You guys have the same algorithm, dude. Dude, I'm telling you, dude, if you grab the AIDS virus, and you put it in CRISPR, and you take out all the bad stuff, because AIDS literally just attacks T cells. It kills your T cells. But if you genetically modify it, where it's like, T cells are good, B cells are bad.

Cancer cells, real bad. It'll just attack the cancer cells instead. Thank you for making me write. I didn't think it was gonna be you. I thought it was gonna be my fucking producer. Thank you for saving me. Bobby, I'm here for you. Thank you, Bobby.

Yeah, no, there was a movie, I remember this movie, I forget what it was, but basically you could live forever, they replace your organs with organs. Repo? If you didn't, yes. Oh yeah, yeah, I've seen that. That was with Tom Cruise. No, Christian Bale. Christian Bale was Judd Law.

Judd Law and what's his name? It was a black guy. Black dude. Anthony Mackie? No, it was one with the kooky eye. Oh, Forrest Whitaker. Forrest Whitaker, yeah. And if you didn't, but here's the thing,

you had to pay for it. Yes. And if you got behind in your payments. They come take the organ. They had a cop for us that would come Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I've never heard on this podcast. Can I get the bandana? I don't know if I want to give it to you. I thought we were going to go about smart cities. We're talking about smart shit because right now it's health. Smart cities. Oh, smart cities. That's for the bomb brick. What the fuck would you say?

We're in health 3.0 right now where they're making medicine subscription. So health 4.0 will be them giving us actual pieces of Flesh and then being like you have to pay $80 a month for this to work. Hmm for your arm to work or your leg Yeah, whatever. That's the next level right? Oh, you mean like there'll be a meter on my heart So like if I don't pay my heart rent, you'll just be like, you know, you're behind. Yeah Shut it all. Yeah, keep hanging out with those fucking old gay Puerto Ricans. They can't even chicken a french fries, you will. So, like, if it's like a phone, they can, like, slow your Wi-Fi.

They'll slow your service down. Yeah, that's why we shout out Luigi. That's why we give Luigi a big up, because he saw it coming. Oh, the guy that shot the... Yeah, even though he was on drugs, but he saw it coming. Now, I mean, this that fucking guy, I what bugs me about that is chicks are just like, he's hot. It's like you he's a murderer. Yeah. He's also gay.

He's not a murderer. Is he gay? Yeah, they have no chance of them. Is he gay? Yeah. Black. He likes black guys. Not who doesn't. I mean, when it comes down to it. I don't want all the rich people to kill me. He he had he had a ton of black sugar babies, right? Yeah. Yeah. When it comes down to it. I don't want all the rich people to kill me. You've been in prison. He had a ton of black sugar babies, right?

Yeah. He had a bunch of dudes came out. What's a sugar baby? So he was like fun. He was the sugar daddy. Yeah, he was. Talk to me like I wasn't in real prison. I was, first of all, I was in juvie hall.

If you suck different, just stick in juvie hall, you're gay. Yes, 100%. If you can't wait six months, you just wanna blow somebody. That's bad. I mean, juvie is just as bad as some adult fucking. You're gay. Yes 100% you can't wait six months I mean juvie is just as bad as some adult fucking some of them are yeah a lot I mean it was sucked just to be a kid, but you went you guys went to real prison, right? Yeah Yeah, you what what prison were you in I have so many you God you're an expert. I mean they don't move you around. They move you around. They don't keep you in one place

They want you to be as possible. They did the same thing in one place. They want you to be as uncomfortable as possible. They did the same thing in Juvie. They called it a bed crunch. Yeah, yeah. Where they needed the bed for a more, a worse criminal. Yeah, a more violent person. You'd work your way out of, you know, to a nicer place.

Bobby, you're going to minimum. Yeah. Even though your guts maximum. I was actually, I was gorgeous back then. Juvie Bobby was hot as shit. You were? Shredded? Dude, you've never seen Young Bob?

Yeah, right there. I've seen... Look at him. I've shown you earlier. Alan the Monkey. What, that's you right there? I don't know why I gotta say it shockingly. I mean, I was a kid.

How old were you there? I was probably 20. Alan the Monkey's white band from Boston? What's that name? That's fucking... Between the years of 2000 and 2010, Bobby Kelly was actually kind of the Monkey's. A white band from Boston. What's that name? That's fuckin'. It's a comedy. Between the years of 2000 and 2010, Bobby Kelly was actually kind of the hottest comedian.

There was a, dude, I, you know what? He was Puerto Rican Bobby food. Yeah, he used to wear the taxi cab hat, right? He had that pencil thin. Yeah, Puerto Rican Bobby, dude. I've seen you wearing that. There's been, I think, three times in comedy where I was fuckin' smokin' hot.

Okay. When I first started in Boston, dude, I was fucking, right there, that. I was fucking. I was banging everything that came. A chick walked by me, I had her in a hallway. You know what I mean? I mean, dude, and I was wearing just silly shit.

I wore vests and shit. I ripped the sleeves off. I used to have sleeveless flannels. Dude, it was the fucking eighties and nineties. They were like, Larry the Cable Guy. But on me, it was different. I look like I... But you think when you got fat,

do you believe, is it true, the fatter you get, the funnier you get? Have you heard this before or no? No, I think. Dude, life on Village Underground is one of the best measures ever, and Killbox too. I think. And you were huge for that.

I was big, but Village Underground, I wasn't as big. I was coming down off of fat. Killbox, it was basically, looking at it now, Killbox was was just what I was what was about to happen to you you were about to Tells about your heart I'm so cold. I'm so cold. I'll never, I'll never hopefully ever get back to that. That was the, and you know, being big, that was crazy. My back used to hurt. Like I was that big where I was like walking, knees, elbows, right? Just walking, just pain. Like in the morning when you'd get up,

it would hurt to walk around, right? No, when I got up, I'd just go like this. That was good. I remember I used to go on planes and I used to have to bring my own fan. Oh, wow. To keep yourself cool? Your blood pressure must have been through the roof.

Just walking down and getting on the plane and getting the, like picking my stomach up and having to use my stomach as a third hand Had a fan that attached to my iPhone and I would just have to sit there be like Trap I don't know how I did it. I fucked the little rascals the little motor thing. I tell you what I did do Fucking handicapped car was there. I always had a fin up and I was a good dude. You take that and he didn't they bring up in JFK Delta, I always got 3640 which is you got to go down

All the way down take a left all the way down. Yeah, and then go all the way down. Buddy, I used to fucking have to take fat breaks. You'd have to get to the airport like four hours before your flight. You'd have a fat attack. Dude, I would have to sit at other fucking gates. Did they have walking escalators back then? Yeah, oh, I fucking used them. I hate them now. Now I'm like fucking, I needed those. You just walk by and I'm like, that's the old Bob.

You all let yourself get back there. No, not again. I will never let myself get back there. Did you keep like a shirt and a pair of pants to like remind you? You just walk by. I don't have fucking fat merch. What do you think, like I have a closet that I open and it's like, just a huge pair of pants. What did you do with all the clothes?

No more, dude. I'm not wearing this anymore, dude. I never get back there. I gave it all the fat people I know. I was like, here you go, tubby, enjoy these. You have to pass down fat clothes, or you have to hit a Goodwill and like a town where people are... In the South. A big and tall Salvation Army. You have to go to New Bridge, New York, throw that for a bunch of cubby rednecks.

It is fun getting fat, though. Getting fat is the most fun. I agree. It is fun. It's more fun than getting fat. I kind of agree. The eating part. You throw caution to the wind.

It's not even just the eating part. Just eating whatever. You don't throw caution to the wind, you throw food in your face. Yeah. Like, dude, you can just do nothing and get fat. It's not even just the eating part. Just eating whatever. You don't throw a question the way you throw food in your face. Yeah. Like, dude, you can just do nothing and get fat. When I got to my biggest, I didn't care because I was still, I was having sex. Facts.

I was making money. Facts. And I was like, fuck it, I'm just going to eat whatever the fuck I want. My life is going the way I wanted to go. I'm not on drugs. And I would, you know, I'd wake up at 3 a.m., I'd order a chopped cheese and a piece of cheesecake and have a fucking great soda. Oh, dude, I'd drop them off at a.m., I'd order a chopped cheese and a piece of cheesecake. Oh, God. And have a fucking great soda.

Dude, I'd drop them off at like 3 in the morning. And you know, we know you get food at 3 in the morning. You also suck guys' cocks. Derek said, I'm gonna get a sandwich. I'm like, Derek, you sure you don't want some white cast? I did give you a ride home. Here's the sandwich. Just lean back a little bit.

Here's it. I regret telling Bobby this. No, this is a great, good story. Just lean back a little bit. Here's the thing with fat. I think it creeps. It's a slow. You don't. Here's the thing about it. You don't know what's happening. You do, but you really don't know how fat you're getting. And also-

Time out. You switched our fucking vapes. You fucking Dominican piece of shit. Give my fucking vape back right now. Did you smoke weed? Give me the, no, it's not weed. It's fuck, his is dying. Give it back.

What does it smell like? Fucking Dominican jizz? I could just help. It smells like White Castle and cock. It tastes like, I'm sorry, my bad. Here's the thing. The fat, the people around you your friends. Yeah Yeah, yeah, they love the geo love you. Just call me fat fuck all the time

Yeah, I had a fat boy drop just on our podcast just for him. Yeah They don't want to help you they don't care about you. You're just the fat guy and you're that fat barometer Yeah, as long as you're not as I don't look like Derek. I'm good. I have a friend that's getting fat and we tell him every week he's getting fat because he used to be the sexy guy. Who is it? He's Nate Marshall. Oh, Nate's getting fat?

He used to have abs. He's sitting on his laurels, huh? Yeah. We call him fat every week. We're like, dude, you're getting fucking fat. And you've been fat for so long that you're like, and you were so much bigger. Dude, yeah, we're evening out Fucking talk to Nate. It's the closest we've ever been Barbecue every fucking every night. He's just chillin. He's hanging out with his dog Fat sneaks up on you. And then all of a sudden you're like wow I didn't know I was I didn't know I was as fat as I wasn't till I saw my last special and I was like

Who's that? Like there was this I was like there's a side shot of me where my stomach is just protruding out of this fucking 17 cow leather jacket I had made My girlfriend took a picture of the back of my head one time. I had a huge fat She's like dude, you gotta stop getting your hair cut. So short back there. It looks gross. Yeah, a pack of hot dogs. That's also nice of her. She actually loves you, so I'll tell you that. Yeah, yeah. She's like, get a longer cut.

My kid used to jump in bed when I was fat and bite. He used to call it his honey bun. What, he'd bite your belly? He'd bite the back of my head. He'd go, argh, argh. I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, it's like a honey bun. Your sweat was sweet.

Sweating out fucking. That is your diet. I see. Cinnamon ice. My God. Oh shit. I think the first time I saw you in person was right around the corner by Fat Black,

and you were coming outside and you had this entourage around you so I didn't see you right away. And then when I looked and I saw it was you, you were massive. And you had a button-up shirt. Are you sure they weren't painted on by you? It was like a Hawaiian style. I was talking about this, I think it was a podcast, I was like, when you're that fat, there's only five fat cool shirts in existence.

And if you go to an airport and you look at fat dudes, you'll see those five shirts. Just. It's over and over again. Cause we're all going to that store going, oh I like that one. And then we're like, this is good. And then you're like next to a fat guy on a plane,

you're like, nice shirt. Yeah, fat is. fat sneaks the fuck up on you, man, and people want you fat. I remember, it hurt me the most when I went online, I think it was after Panet died, or it was Louie Anderson, and some fan wrote, how does it feel, how does it feel to be the fattest comic alive? Oh, Jesus Christ.

Damn, that hurt. Yeah, I was like, no, this is somebody. Somebody big. Nope, you were the last one. Last man standing, last man fattened. Ralphie. Ralphie was dead. Ralphie was my hope. Yeah, I was like, please just keep living.

So I don't have to change anything. Yeah, there's a legend of the Cap City, they have an elevator they brought for Ralphie. Really? They made one for him? Yeah, in the green room. Jesus Christ.

Oh my God. That was the old one, right? Yeah, they have it in the new one too now. Oh, they brought the elevator over? Bobby ruined those plans And i'll take your legacy i'll graciously take your legacy as fat as comedian Who's Why I bugged me because I got that surgery and then two months later they came up with ozempic Yeah

But the thing about ozempic is you could like it could paralyze your stomach you could you get fucking their sideic is you could paralyze your stomach. You could get fucking side effects. But doesn't it paralyze your stomach anyway? That's what it does, I think. Really? Here's the thing with Ozempic. Because it doesn't make you want to eat. And all the stuff that they're taking, you're literally like,

I got the surgery. They made my stomach smaller. And then you have to work out. You have to eat right. Right, right. Blah, blah, blah. And it's gone. Like, my surgery right now, I can eat way more than I could.

It just gives you like a head start to get to a point where you're good. What did they do, put the band on you? No, the band is no good. The band, you don't wanna get the band. Cause fat people found out how to hack the band. You can break the band. Oh yeah, I heard about it.

Like hot water or something. You can drink hot water. You're on Fat Reddit. Yes. It's the best. It's the best. You can drink hot water. You're on Fat Reddit. Yeah. It's been. It's been good. You can drink hot water.

I would love to see that fucking Reddit fucking page. R slash fat people hacks. I would love to see that Reddit page. Guys, I figured it out. You drink hot water and it makes the band loose. And they expand. And then you have to turn. Oh my God.

And then you can get more food down. So you have to eat sideways. Yeah, you have to eat like this, but in a whole chicken. And uh. There's fat hacks. Yeah, I salute the fat guy that figured that out. Yeah. I salute that.

Some guy did experiments, he was like, no. No. Wait a minute, plastic heats up. It becomes pliable. I'll drink some tea. If I drink boiling water. Scalding water. It's just a 400 pound guy in front of a white board like

AHHHHH Trying to figure out formulas. Ah shit. Ah man. Yeah. It's a tough one. But you look good man. I'm glad you're losing weight. I'm fat right now though. What are you? 250?

No. Bigger? Yeah. During the pandemic I was 450.'s a lot fuck I was like four plus I stopped at 372 years before so I was Way over there. How tall are you? My ID 5e how tall your life Six five six. I'm gonna half man. I get it. You're 400 pounds five six. You were you you were taller You were wider than you were tall. Than you were tall, yeah, yeah. Wow.

God damn. Yeah, during the pandemic, in between games of Fortnite, I would do pushups and squats. With what? Just like myself. Just my body, my body weight. This is how you lost it?

Yeah, it is for real. Okay, okay. During, like in between, with Jay and May, in between games of Fortnite, we would, we'd lose and then I do push-ups for each like whatever we lost Yeah, we didn't win I do a push That's a jail game hitting an Asian and a nerd To alpha man, it's so funny. Oh, you'll never beat me. 75 push-ups, now you fat tub of shit.

I had to keep up, dude. It was a... You a panda bear. You get up now. It was like, started watching... You look like a panda bear. He does look like Kung Fu Panda. He does, he does.

He's got a little panda. Kung Fu Panda. Kung Pao Panda. Kung Pao Panda. All right, so you did... Sorry about that. He does look like Kung Fu Panda. He does, he does. He's got a little panache. Kung Fu Panda. Kung Pao Panda. Kung Pao Panda. Kung Pao Panda.

All right, so you did, sorry about that. Yeah, no, it's okay. I was watching My 600 Pound Life and I was relating to the fat people too much. You're like, I'm 200 pounds away. You're like, hey man. I'm so close to you. You're like, leave him alone.

Yeah. I was just like eating McDonald's watching My 600 Pound Life, these guys are living. They were going through all this stuff he does a day and you're like, I do that too. I do. Literally. Literally is what happened. And then I was like, all right, push-ups, squats.

And then I had healthcare and I went to the Y and I would just go to the Y like for 30 minutes a day, play basketball, just like push weights. How much came off altogether? I got down to 265 was my low. That's a lot, you lost a fuck, you lost. A whole human. More than a, you lost me. You lost, that's what I'm like, I'm like 150.

Yeah, you lost like a thick Dominican blood, that's what you lost. I was 360 at my fattest. Really, that's it? Well I had a lose weight to get to surgery. And how tall are you? Five eight. Five eight? Legit.

Actually five eight. Actually five eight. When you look at the videos of Bobby, especially from Killbox, bro, you look like you're like six, five, 450. I saw it in person. You look, I mean, dude, you look, right? Doesn't he?

Yeah. He looks like a retired linebacker with bad knees or something like that. You know what I'm saying? That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's such a... You know, that's... That's... I...

I was, yeah, at my heaviest, I was like, I think in that special, I was... I had to be at least 360, 355. But I think I had 365, 360, somewhere around there. I had to lose weight to get my BMI down to get the surgery. Body mass index. And... Yeah.

Wait, you were too fat for the surgery. The fat surgery. Yes. I remember people talking about this. They're like Bobby's actually too fat for the surgery. He needs to lose weight. Dude, I think you don't even, you don't have to be, oh my sister's about life. They say you're too fat for the surgery, but I think he just wants you to lose weight to

see that you can lose weight. On your own. No, no, no. It's because if you do the surgery, you'll die on the table. Oh, OK. It's too much stress. Insurance is like, look, man, you've got to get this shit

down because we're not going to fucking pay your family because you're a tub of shit. Yeah. We don't have enough anesthesia in the hospital to put down a hip bone. Yeah. Yeah. We're not.

We're fucking out of anesthesia. Yeah. We got to go to another hospital. Yeah. we're not in a zoo. He's barely snoring. We're not in a zoo. You get to the surgery room, it's just a bale of hay you got to lay on. They just have big things of lettuce they're throwing at you. A bunch of little kids looking at you through a window. Yeah. They just have big things of lettuce they're throwing at you. A bunch of little kids looking at you through a window. Yeah.

I gotta go up to the Bronx to do my surgery. Zoo? Oh shit. Oh my God. Buddy, what are you now? You back up a little bit? I haven't weighed myself in a while. I'm probably like three, a little around three.

Can I make a suggestion? I'm at my high school weight. fuck weighing yourself. It don't matter you did you already did what you were supposed to do Yeah now you just gotta cuz I go up and down a little bit and it's just a matter of Keep whatever the fuck you're doing. Keep doing and don't do it. I'm pure. Listen, I'm pure no drugs. No, it's epic I'm pure dude. You're gonna do old-fashioned. I'm pure losing weight. Yeah Dude, don't give me all that I hate I don't it's not that I hate it's just like I

Don't know what just do it yourself. Just suck it up. Do it yourself, dude Like don't fucking well, here's the thing with those epic and all this stuff. You guys are injecting some chemical That's this company made. Yeah made, and they made it for diabetics, and you're just sticking it in your stomach every week and still eating the same shit, still doing the same lifestyle. They don't wanna work out, and I feel like that's gonna come back

to bite them in the fat. Eventually. It's not important. That's the fact. Dude, it's untested. Some of them are getting diabetes. Even all the peptides and all that shit, I really feel like, I mean, I'm not a scientist.

I don't know for sure, but I feel like that's- We know. Yeah. You don't need to say that part. We're looking at your face. I just feel like it'll- We've been talking to you for an hour. We know you're not a scientist, doctor, or teacher.

He's just got beakers. He's like, man, this is how you light a cigarette. Listen, I ain't no scientist. But you take the TV cord, you can light your cigarette. You're not even an influencer. But I feel like the, even the peptides, like I feel like they will do some stuff for you in the beginning. They might jumpstart some shit for you, but I feel like they will stop working after a while, just like anything else. I don't know. Do you know about peptides or not? I just know it's like a,. I don't know, do you know about peptides or not?

I just know it's like a, I know what I know from Joe Rogan. Okay. Yeah. I don't know. Can I say something? That's all we do. I mean, every male that says anything is from Joe. Yo, Joe Rogan.

Everyone's just like, yeah, man. We might not say, dude, I heard this on Joe Rogan. I repeat shit that I heard on Joe Rogan as I learned it myself. And I did the read-a-speech most of the facts. I know starts with Jamie. Can you look it up? That's how every way soon as I hear that I'm about to learn Every time this is a Jamie look this up. Yeah. Oh, yeah Real quick. I want to thank my friend over here who sent this to me. This is me and my

I want to thank my friend over here who sent this to me. This is me and my comedy nights, Piccadilly Pub. Wow, Piccadilly Pub. That's Dane Cook, J-Hall. Oh shit. Wait, Dane Cook and him? Al Benny. Yeah, that's Dane. Which one's Al Benny?

Al Benny's right there. Oh, there's Bobby on the right. That's me right there. Who's to the left? That's J-Hall. He had Farrah Fawcett hair. What, J-Hall from fucking Jane Silent Bob? No. That's J-Hall had Farrah Fawcett hair. What, Jay Hall from fucking Jay and Silent Bob? No.

No. Jay Hall from the East Boston Projects. Oh, okay. Uh-huh. Yeah. You got that throwback. I got that too, dude. Featuring the comedy of WBC and Comedy Riot winners.

Oh, yeah, Al and the Monkeys. Yeah, we were improv sketch group. Wait, how, wait, so you were 20? How old was Dane at that time? Dane, we had to be like 19. Just got out of high school. So you and Dane are the same age? He was maybe 18. Just like your wife. Yeah, he was younger than me. How wait so you were 20? How does Dana Dana had to be like 19 just Yeah, he was younger than me a couple years What was that fuck the words on HBO documentary back in the day Bobby super not the superfinger It was no okay. I rewatched the orgasm

Instigator yeah, but that's all let me just tell you a little story That's for the camera now. We didn't know we were fucking getting involved in that it was supposed to be a documentary of us being on the road 30 days 20 shows 30 days for comedians, but and then he blew up in the middle of it You know fame is weird. Yeah, I'm gonna tell you right now famous luck and It happens like that. Yeah, you have the best you say it it the best, you're like, it's who you know, who you blow, and a little bit of luck, right? No, because look it, now I think that you have- I'm sucking off the wrong people, man.

I've been telling people, I've been quoting you for years on that. I'm out here sucking dick for- It's who you know, who you blow, and a little bit of luck. It's like Bobby Kelly says. It's luck, it's luck. You gotta be lucky to make that type of shit.

And he was- It was that album, right? Retribution popped while he was- Retribution, that was it. Was that what it called. It was that album, Retribution, popped while he was... Retribution, that was it. Was that what it was called? No. What was it, fucking Foo Fighters? It was the half hour.

What was it called? It was the one where he had the tattoos. Yep. It's not Retribution? No. It's funny because all of the CDs are named Repribution. Yeah, some shit like that. I only remember Vicious Circle.

Testimony. He had a big one before Vicious Circle. Harmful Diswallowed. Yeah. The one that he's thinking about is retaliation. Retaliation. No, Harmful Diswallowed was his thing. Here's the thing with Dane.

He released it himself on Napster. Napster? Oh, yeah. Old school. Dude, he went out, he's just, I'll tell you, Dane's smart. He took his shit, it came out, released, made five grand, didn't do that much. He was big in colleges. Then he took his stuff and put it for free on Napster.

And then kids just started fucking file sharing his shit. Became massive through that. He was OG YouTube. OG YouTube? That's pre-YouTube. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's the sound, yeah. He created YouTube. Who is this pal?

Pal and Troy? Who is this? What's his name? May I spell? May I look? Yeah, go ahead, take a look. I can't, what is it? I think it's two dries.

Guys, it might be Pat and Trey. Is it Pat and Trey? Pat and Trey, I think, or Pal and Trey. Pal and Trey? We're fucking all idiots. Nobody here knows how to read. Anyway, hey, thank you so much for that. It's cursive, let's kill Trey. I'm gonna kill Trey. I'm gonna kill Trey. I'm gonna and Trey? Or Pal and Trey. Pal and Trey? We're fuckin' all idiots.

Nobody here knows how to read. Anyways, hey, thank you so much for that. It's cursive, let's kill cursive. What did he say? You gotta read it. Oh God. You gotta read it. He doesn't want me to.

I've loved you for ever since I saw you at Torghasm. No, hope you liked the post. You were happy you were doing well. That sounds like a fat guy thing. It's a backhanded compliment. No, he wrote these days. These days. We didn't think you'd make it this long.

That's exactly what he said. Hope you're doing well these days because you almost weren't. Yeah. We sent a poster to Dane also. Hm. Didn't make it. Return to Sender. Man. That's funny. I don't want to call you a legend posted to Dane also. Return to Sender. Man, funny. Yeah, I don't want to call you a legend because legend feels like a no, no,

you're fucking you're one of the greats, though, dude. Oh, yeah, you are one of the greats. You what you want to the like the old literally. Yeah, dude. Literally. We're just going to suck your dick for the whole of it. Yeah, we're just going to give you a flower. You deserve it. Listen, you're a man. I love it. I mean, thank you. flower, Bobby. You deserve it. Listen, thank you. You're an OG, man. I love it.

You came from a... I mean, thank you, I appreciate that. You inspired a whole generation. Me? I remember, I inspired a lot of fat men. Yeah, especially. Dude, literally, as a fat guy, I was like, fucking Bobby Kelly.

John Panetta was kind of a hack. I didn't wanna like that guy. Wow! Wow! I'm sorry he's dead now. If you're his friend, I'm sorry, but it's the truth. We have to go to, I mean, this is fucking crazy. What a fun show. Yeah, we have to go to patreon Danny Do you said and I was a reminder about the trans virginity story? We could do that before picture. Oh, yeah

Oh, please. Let's do that before Unity to a trans woman. Yes. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You tried to get into this and then we just steamroll But I was hoping you bring God. I to a trans woman. Yeah. Wait a minute, wait a minute. You tried to get into this and then we just steamroll. But as soon as we were pulling up. I was hoping you'd bring up. I was like, I felt like I was getting pulled out in a funny tie. So I was like, I need to go back to this thing. Everybody loves a good, what happened?

How did you lose your virginity to a trans? It was a, well, I thought it was a lady on Tinder. Sure you did. But she clearly, on her profile. All right, I'll be honest. This happens to too many people I know. Listen, hey, Jim Norton's married to a trans woman. No. It's okay. Not, no, no, no. It was female to male. Yeah. Wait. Can I stop you right there? So you thought you were going to fuck a guy? She is a female. I don't know where you're from. In my mind,

in my mind, she's a lady. What do you want to put herself in dudes? Oh, I believe her mental illness, dude. Did she have a beard? Like you see full trans issues she had a beard. No no no. She had like a we had three dates the first date was fine she was regular. What the fuck? Wait hold on a second. Wait long hair or titties? Short hair, titties though. Okay. Short hair like Bill Bichby and the Hulk? No it was a black lady so you know black ladies can either way have a short hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, you fucked the stud.

He would know. Well, she's a man now. I love bull, they call the bull dagger. I know, yeah, a bull dagger, yeah. She's a man now, dude. You know all the terms. Yep. From that one minivan you learned so much.

Yo, you fucked the stud. I had sex with her. Come on, man. I had sex with her. That was a stud. I need to hear this before we go. So you hooked up with her on Tinder? Yeah, we met on Tinder. We had three dates. The first date was fun.

Second date we went to a pizza place. And she had like a drawn on mustache. But I didn't really think that was a deal. Like I didn't care. Lamar. I didn't care like no mayor He's like like a like a villain It was for sure like a Salvador Dalí like Sparkey Pugsey from the

Like ah cool, did you like she tried it Did you try to tie you on a train track? She had a drawn-on mustang yeah, and this is on date to it. This is date two and I was like she's quirky Walked away, I'd say so We walked away. I'd say so. Yeah. Just this dude wearing basketball. Can you imagine you go out to go on a date with a girl and she's got a fucking mustache drawn on her? They didn't walk away.

She actually got on a Harley and fucked him up. Get on the back. Lamir's on the back. Yeah. He's got a little cute bucket helmet on. I mean the first thing I would say, I'd go, what the fuck is that? What's up? You know why?

I didn't even notice. You're not gay. I'm not gay. I know you're not gay. Tell us more you fuck the guy. I Didn't notice until like halfway through you know, you know, all right, so wait a minute so you go to the third day What happens to the third day the third day? I don't remember where we go But I remember like she just had a strap on under her pants Dude sort of but I was dropping her off. We're at her house and she was like, hey This is my she was like she's like hey

Pulled up you know pickup truck She's like I just started doing to sasseroon. This is like This was happening. I'm becoming a man. I'm trans becoming a man This isn't a bad story Woman becoming a man. Yes. Yeah. Oh, this isn't a bad story It's just a black lesbian, I'm sorry dude, I don't know your Hood terminology, yeah, I don't know good queer time doesn't speak maricon

Yo to be fair I didn't come that bitch's a stud, poppet. Yo! To be fair, I didn't come. That bitch was a bull dagger. So she was doing testosterone. She was like, I just started doing testosterone. So how, what did her, was it big? The spear tongue? Oh, she had an elongated clitoris. It wasn't like a spear tongue, but it was like nice. Oh, it was good looking. It's nice.

What, her vagina or her penis? Her vagina. Oh, so her vagina was still good money? Yeah, no, but like, when I've had sex with female to males since I've had sex with more right in her But like when you're on testosterone, it just fucking It just makes it better. Well, how you just gorgeous its weather It's like you can like see you like, you know, you're like, oh, that's where I need to go You can like see you like, you know, you're like, oh that's where I need to go. Oh, the click. Oh yeah.

The click. Yeah. That's why I need to go. I need to go. It's wetter. It looks like a three year old penis. It's just better, dude. I don't know how to explain it.

Pull that fucking three inch cock out. Let me get a go at that thing. They say you suck the clit, not lick it. Let me suck on that little helmet. Every woman should get on the smallest amount of testosterone they can so they can retain a woman. There were women that did it. I'm going to say don't do that. I like the, I like to find it. Every woman should get on the smallest amount of testosterone she can so they can retain a woman that women didn't. I'm gonna say don't do that. I'm gonna say stay a woman.

I like the, I like to find it. I don't like it to hit me in the eye. Oh, it's like a cheat code to the clitoris. I like a little mystery. It's not even a cheat code, it just makes. So do you have a thing like where you find women who are just starting to transition? Yes, that is the thing now.

That is the thing too. Okay. I need a. I need a 70% woman, 30%. Now we know why Shane kicked him out of office. He let the computer open. He's like, Shane, I'm telling you, you need to give this to her, man. I have a girlfriend now, she's a hundred percent lady, I swear. Yeah. Shane's just calling, he's like, dude, when I tell you, close the browser when you're fucking done I'm tired of opening my computer and seeing this shit So you have a girl that's not

Lady ready now does that Are you do you miss it? No, you're good Yeah, those girls are more like nasty though. What they aren't pit hair like when they say freaky. They actually don't know what freaky So you're asking you're telling me that a regular girl is nasty as a girl that wants to become a guy No, yeah, I would I would assume wait the trans males are freakier than regular female. Yeah I mean I would imagine so I was talking to the testosterone I guess make some hornier a friend of mine who's trans woman. Yeah.

What is the man now as a woman? No, she's like a trans woman. She has a penis. She looks like a, I mean, dude, you couldn't, if I put you in a room with her, you'd fall in love with her. That's how passive I am. Is it Bailey J? Yes.

100%. Who is it? Can I see a picture? Is she covered in tattoos? I would say, before you see a picture say if you before you before you see a picture know the jerk off to a guy no I can't I don't it can't be body she's the hottest she's the hottest to me one of the hottest trans people out there I give it up no chance trans woman she's a woman dude she told me she goes and I didn't I always talked to her She's very open. She's so honest with me. No, she's

No, she's a number one trans porn star in the fucking industry. Okay. Oh, it's a porn star Yeah, she's I thought it was a comic bring it up so they can get this over with You got a show Bailey J. Look at her show it show a show a show a sexy. Well, she started young Yeah, that's her young. Show a better... That's what it looks like to catch me as a side girl. Bring it back. So listen, he's gonna get a sexy, up-to-date photo of her. Get a picture with the cock in.

What are we playing right now? What do you think we're doing here? Say it for the Patreon. So I'm friends with her husband. She's married to her and her husband, great friends of mine. But she said to me one time that if she gets off the hormones She just becomes a fag really that she's just I want to suck dick

I just want to blow guys really if she's on the hormones she fucks she wants to be fucked She wants to be treated like a woman right so yeah that hormone thing Really has an effect so she doesn't have she's but she still has a penis right now. Can you get a better picture of a cock, please? We got a hard. Yeah, Danny, which is like, Danny. Look, that's a pretty good penis. No, that's a she's a pretty good penis. And it does look like it's growing out of a giant down and get a fucking good picture.

Joe, will you do it? Because I know you're gayer than Danny. Yes, Danny, stop getting a picture of stuff you like in Jewish camp. But that's a nice piece. Bobby, do you know about Danny being a young magician comedian? Buddy, he will not let me bring it up. His name was Danny Kadabra. Danny Kadabra? Am I right? No, it's not that.

Abra Kadani When I was starting comedy, I would see Danny as a boy at the stress factory with his dad doing magic Yeah, yeah for real I love magic no, I mean, yes She's a grower for sure Blow that blow that up. Yeah, what do you mean? Yeah, don't blow it up. Put it down, put it down, dude. Put her down. Yeah, listen to me, dude. She's a cutie patootie.

It's uncut too, right? No, it's cut. That looks uncut. No, you don't know dicks. That's fair. That's fair. She just has a weird head. Yeah, I know big clits.

I don't know dicks. This is a weird statement. She just has a weird big head. Wait, I mean, dude, that's quite a fucking come up from what was soft to hard. Yeah, that's what happens to penis is when you rub them with oil Bobby can't tell you the point I've been into on the on the patreon or I know it's it's weird Save it. It's you're telling us

What you're into is weird? No, please go. It's like you fucking You fucking went on just a regular date with a guy with a mustache. And you went on a third date. A third date. Didn't even ask a question about the mustache. Came home, Shane was like, how was the date? She painted a mustache on? Is that a thing?

Was she wearing a mustache? Shane was there. After I had sex, I went to Hillyum Comedy Club and Shane was headlining. I was like, finally had sex. He was like, good job. And I was like, it was with a lady and a man, and he was like, ooh. That's why I do love Shane.

If you think that he would just be, he's fine with this shit, you know what I mean? You'd think he'd be like, get the fuck out of here, you're fucking, from what he looks like. He's actually fine, yeah. That's what I would do. It's like, congrats, bro. How do you feel? I know what you'd do. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a grad bro

I know you do with bailey j I mean dude, could you imagine what? Yes. Yes, I can I have My brother's like this is why i've been quiet for the last two minutes. I just been sitting here man. There was some hot uh trans Uh when I was locked up It was that j lo, uh, yeah, chrisse d's nanny, whatever. She was a legend in jail. Yeah. Yeah, for real. Like, for real.

A legend? Like, I heard about her before. Do you have any minivan stories? Did you guys put cardboard boxes together and bring it around? No, actually, his jail story's worse, because you sat there and watched two guys blow each other. I had no choice. Wow.

What do you mean, you guys are going to turn around? That's fucked up, dude. You did that. Wow. You just fucking. I had to go under the gay bus. Yeah, that was the minivan. Busted pipe. Yeah, I remember I was fucking I had to mop the showers. Yeah. While everyone was locked in. I was, uh, that was my job. Yep. And then, uh, I heard, I heard something. I heard like, I was like, what is that? Was that a broken right? It was a fucking two dudes 69 and sucking each other off. Yeah. You got a gay test, but I caught them. And what'd you do? So nobody knew they were, nobody knew they were gay. Oh shit. That's like that's like fighting a an assassin scene assassins face

So so after about 15 minutes he's like hey guys cut it out you've seen our faces we can't Can't we had we came to agreement they suck you up Bring me socks and cigarettes. It was everything except for the dick sucking. You're close. And your story. Yeah. We're going to wrap this up, you son of a bitches.

Let's get the plugs up here for you guys. Danny, can you bring up their web? What do you got? Just tell us your website. Follow me on Instagram, GeoPerez86. GeoPerez86. On Instagram, if you're in Atlantic City on the 24th, come check me out at Atlantic City Comedy Club

at Tropicana Resort. And you have a podcast. And listen to our podcast with me and Derek Drescher on Gas Digital, on the gate, subscribe. And if you join Gas Digital, use OTG as the promo code, because we get money. Yeah, use the fucking promo code. Yeah, use OTG.

Unsubscribe to whatever you're subscribed to on that channel. Unsubscribe from Lucen Zag, and the thing is, fuck leaving this game. Guys, guys, you can't do that. Yeah. You can't do that. I promote that on his podcast,

and he gets pissed off every time. Guys, that's's not listen. That's not the way it works. Yeah God just follow me a Derek Dresher and follow the on the gate page to yes. Yeah fucking you guys are hilarious We should I mean you definitely scare the shit out of me. It makes me happy You can't go when you're on here. And what do you got my phone? Okay? I'm at Hilly and comedy club this Thursday Please come to their Lamar Lee dot fun for any of my other shows. Amaze me. Yeah, yeah. There's no Philly. Yeah, I feel that school.

Lamar Lee dot fun is my website. And then also paintings in the mouth podcast with me, me, Marshall and Andy Malafarina. And that's two fat black guys and one fat white guy. Yeah. Yeah. Or the three fats. Yeah. Watch that, because one of them will be there next year. I suggest it. Get it in now.

Get it in now. Somebody will be there. Go to PunchUp.live for all my dates. PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly. It is the only website out there for comedians, because it's uncensored. They don't censor shit. Whatever it is, as long as it's funny, they're putting it up there. Punchup.live and my specials up there. All my stand-up clips uncensored, that YouTube and all

the other things make me censored. Just go out there and subscribe and you'll find out where I'm gonna play. Kansas City, the Comedy Club of Kansas City, the 25th, the 24th to the 25th, Comedy Vault in Illinois, the 31st through the 1st. And then I'm gonna be at Governor's, February 7th through the 8th, and then I'm going to Off the Hook in Florida, the 14th and the 15th. I'll be there, and I think I have a very special guest

coming down to do some guest spots on that, and he's probably the funniest guy walking earth. That's all I'm gonna say. That's Louis C.K. Well that's, I don't know. Wait, what state is this? I'm in Florida. No, he's not from Florida.

Are you guys gonna have a bang bang that night? Who knows? Anyways, go to my website. Make sure you go to youtube.com slash Robert Kelly at Robert Kelly Comedy. My special's up there, all my comedy clips are up there. Stand up, stand up, stand up, that's all it is. And subscribe to this page, YKWD.

And like and comment, get this page. I'm trying to get a fucking plaque. I need a plaque. And if you're watching this and you didn't subscribe, I wish I hex your life. A YouTube plaque. And the only way out of my hex, fuh, fuh, fuh.

I don't know what that was that. Yeah, that was a cool sound though. Derek got hard. That was fucking, it sounded like a fucking. It sounded like broken pipes. Like you were fucking shooting poisonous darts at people. Like a steamy shower. Boys, what do you got?

Wanna hear anti-climactic? Go ahead. Follow me on Instagram, at Danny Brath, and come to Comedy a verve in summer New Jersey the third Thursday of every month enthusiastic This is Joe Russell. I'm a comedian. I'm married and me my wife. We have a cheese show It's a show about cheese just type in cheese show on YouTube. It's the first goddamn thing that comes up

Do you know about cheese show? I? Mean, that's pretty fire. Yeah, I mean that was too much. I think he put too much Is there only like 18 types of cheese next? Fucking whole foods. What is it? You follow me on Instagram at Zachary unlimited, please. I have no followers I need your help. Just right. Just right. All right, we're gonna go to patreon.com right now patreon.com slash Robert Kelly We got questions for these guys if you want to ask the questions you want to be part of it you want to be in the comments and all that chat all that go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly it supports the show and I get to give these guys

very little money oh we get paid let's go you these autistic kids all right so we're going there right now we're gonna rob them after the fuck Bobby pays him in like wrestling figures You'll see you guys next time Here's a hokogin's missing an arm We'll see you guys next time Thanks for being on man great to have you guys Very funny show