Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #573 | Colum Tyrrell | World Travelers

Episode Date: February 9, 2025

Colum Tyrell joins Bobby on the pod this week to discuss comedy, career goals, and being Irish. Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD.

This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, how are you I'm ruining this. Where's the bar banner, man? Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show?

This is the original. Original. What's up? Here we go. What's up, everybody? We're back. Another episode of YKWD at the Comedy Cellar Studios above the world famous Comedy Cellar.

And we got a fucking great episode. Haven't seen him in a long time. Danny, tell us who we got. In the microphone, Danny. Call him Terrell. Oh, God. That was the most underwhelming. It really was. Just into the ether. That was terrible. What's up man? Yeah good to see you man. I haven't seen you, I mean it's gotta be a year. I don't know I did I

don't know I did um I did bonfire. When? It was a while ago. That wasn't that crazy. It was. It was dude. What's been the summer, was it? I don't think so, I don't know. It's been a minute since I've seen. No, we were in because man, my big Jay shit his pants or he was shitting his pants and then we thought I was gonna host with you and then he showed up. And then he showed up because he was scared

that me and you might have chemistry. Something like, yeah, he was afraid I'd replace him. He was like, wait a minute, they like an accent and they really get... Yeah, exactly. And then you, that one of you had already done something. You had offended or not offended, but at least upset Ali Sadiq. We did.

You used to talk about some gay shit and he was like, I don't fly with that or whatever. You know how these- That was me. You know how these be. You know how the brother is a B. That was me, dude. They don't like the gay shit, man. They hate that gay shit.

I don't know what I said, but I said some stupid shit, being silly. Because the bonfire is a silly show. Sure. We never really get, and that's why I love it. There's a couple of white guys talking to a cunt or whatever, and then the black guys too. You just summed up the bonfire in one sentence. A couple of white guys on the come or whatever, you know, and then the black guys just summed up the bonfire in one set. Couple of white guys talking about every podcast, every podcast,

the white guys on the black guy goes, I don't believe that. You don't play with that shit. Yeah. OK. Nice. I got you. There's no gay black guys ever. Atlanta. Anyways, yeah, he got he was like, I got to go. But I actually wound up calling him up. Oh, yeah. I mean, like, yo, man, I hope I didn't. He was like, Nah, go. But I actually wound up calling him up. I mean, like, yo, man, I hope I didn't. He was like, nah, man, we're cool.

Yeah, of course. He just had to go. But I'm such an insecure white guy that talks about cum that I got all fucked up because I didn't want to offend the dude. You know what I mean? But in hindsight, I should have just took the hit. Yeah, yeah.

Do you know who just, I know, is this Gossip Beasts? Someone just apologized to me right now. Just a minute ago. Yeah, yeah. Do you know who just, is this Gossipy? Someone just apologized to me right now. Just a minute ago. Who? TJ Miller. Miller. He apologized you for what? He was mean to me at Skankfest. This year? This year. What the fuck did he do to you? I honestly I can't really remember but now I forgot all about it. What did he do? I think he was kind of just like picking at me a little bit but you know TJ is not really someone I would respect. So and these are the facts.

Sorry, TJ. You're a weirdo. No one cares a fuck about your career. And so I literally did it literally didn't bother me. And then I just saw him and he goes, I need to apologize for that. And then I went, oh, yeah, it's on my way here. Now I was like, fuck, he did do something. And now I'm kind of mad about it again.

I forgot all about it. And now I'm kinda mad actually, Adam. Callum. No, but do you know what I mean? I do, I understand, this is why I love you. You really don't give a fuck. But I actually forgot about him. But you forgot about it. I forgot that he, yeah, but maybe he did offend me at the time.

But now he's gonna take his apology back because of. Well, why do you have to, whatever. Why you don't give a shit? I really don't, but I don't know why he was... I guess he just wanted to pick on me that day, if I remember correctly. I don't know. No, he's a weirdo. Well, he is.

He is definitely a weirdo. There's no denying that. But that's the one thing I like about TJ is that he's fucking out of his mind, and he does just crazy shit out of the box. He's not... He's gonna come in, you don't know what he's gonna say or do. Right. But it sucks that he did something that offended you. But it's also good that he had the awareness to go, Hey man, I did some stupid shit. That means from Skankfest till now,

He's been thinking about it. He thought about it and he regretted it. Maybe. Maybe, yeah. He came up to me and was like, yo man, I just want to say I'm sorry, which you should, you'll never get from most guys. I know, I know. And he actually was like, hey man, I'm sorry about that. And you probably were like, oh, that's cool, man. And then immediately. Now I'm thinking like, oh fuck, I should have been mad at him for something. I forgot all about it. Yeah. It's hard to hold a grudge. It's hard to hold a grudge. Don't you think? I can't.

Yeah. I don't. For a while. I can't. Well, dude, I can hold a grudge for a minute, but then I'm like, I don't have the time. I don't want to think about you. I hate going to bed at night and thinking about some ass. Sure.

I hate it. I hate, good night baby. I love you. I love you so much. then think about it this guy Yeah, and then I'm like and then your wife goes, what are you doing? What are you thinking about? And you have nothing you can't tell her cuz she'd be like, yeah Just get over you can't admit that to your wife Yeah, but he slighted me slight a little bit. He slighted me a little bit women do not get grudges

They do not get they get gossip. Yeah, they do not get yeah guy grudge. They do not get, they get gossip. They do not get guy grudge. They don't get respect. It doesn't make sense. Why do you care what he thinks? So what if he's so much more successful than you? Who cares? Baby, I don't need you to be successful. And then you're like, you're making it worse. I don't need you to have loads of money and fans. You're doing fine. What you're doing is actually more respectable. Yeah, you're doing Naples next weekend. You're doing off the hook. I've yet to play Naples. That's where my career is. I'm building up to Naples. Dude, Side

Splitters. Side Splitters is great. Shout out to Side Splitters. Listen, Side Splitters is the motherfucker. Yeah. And then there's McCurdy's. McCurdy's I've never done. That's a hard one to get into. You know, I emailed them, I was like, let me just feature because I've got in-laws down there. I was like, I'll just stay with my in-laws because I want an excuse. And then they never even got back to me. Well, it's a hard club to get into because he's been, he's an old school guy. Sure. And he, uh, he just recently had started opening the club up to, I guess I would be

the younger generation, which I'm not. You know what I mean? You're coming in as a new wave? Exactly. That's great. That's a little new wave to him, because it's more, dude, let me tell you something. It's an older crowd.

Yeah. Dude, they had a six o'clock show. Yeah. And I was panicking. But the problem is, in my head, I'm panicking, but those are all retired New Yorkers, people from Boston. They're all pieces of shit from back in the 80s, 90s, 70s, 60s.

Yeah, there's two crowds of old people and you can tell when it's that we don't give a fuck that they're wearing the Hawaiian shirts, like some cop who's clearly still racist, that's a good audience. But then you get the old ones where you go, this could be rough. Yeah. That's on the other side. Like Boca. I did, um, where did I do? Um, some, south of Tampa anyway, uh, Fort Myers. Fort Myers is right in the Naples. Yeah. And it was one of the comedy zones. It was a Fort. One of them out there, but I swear on everything. I should go to. Versanis? Yes. Versanis. Poor Charlotte. Poor Charlotte? Poor Charlotte. Yeah. I love Versanis. I had one of the worst

weekends of my life. No shit. I showed up. I swear to God. It was like every single person in the room, gray hair, old as fuck. And I was like, all right. And then the guy turns around to me and goes, one of the youngest crowds we've ever gotten in here. And I just had laughing. And he's like, no, seriously, this is like the youngest crowd I've ever had. But they're all, yeah, that was a rough one. I like for some of them. That was tough for me. I really, it's so funny because I forget that I'm, I'm fucking old. Yeah. You're closer to them. I'm closer to the young gun. Yeah. Like what I talk about, they're going to be like, get then as opposed to, and that's a

weird thing too, because I've, I've had to accept that later in life because I'm you know the getting the 20 year olds to like my shit sure is is a hard sell like I just worked the cello this weekend and it was I'm looking out in the crowd and I'm I had to adjust my my setups because nobody has kids. Nobody gives a fuck about family. They're all into themselves and career. They don't understand what the fuck I'm gonna talk about. And they're looking at me like, what are you gonna say?

And I forget I have a gray beard and I'm about to talk about some stupid shit they have about a kid. They don't give a fuck about that. That is true. All the comedy audiences, this is too much comedy. But here's the thing. I think that if you're funny, you'll overcome.

Sure. I can get you, this is why I saw Keith go up. Now Keith double stroke, old black guy. Takes him 20 minutes to get up there. It's very taxing. Yeah, it's exhausting. It's exhausting to see him get intro'd. The song they have to play is old, slow funk.

And then you have to really listen, because it's like, what is he saying? Like, you really gotta focus. You really gotta go, what is he saying? And it's exhausting for me. It's taxing. But he went up. This is why I love Keith.

This is the difference between somebody who just wrote a joke, set up punch tag, and knows the math of comedy, and someone who's just funny. He walked up, got up there, looked at this girl's face, this young white girl's face, and goes, your face bugs me. And the whole place laughed, even the girl.

And he was like, seriously, your face is really pissing me off. It's like, what the? That to me is funny. That's when you are a funny motherfucker. When you just go up there and you say exactly, he just saw this chick's face and it bothered him and he said it, and that's when they know

you don't give a fuck. And that's when you switch those people, I think. You know what I mean? And he trashed me, he's got that bit in his act, where he goes, and this is a real story, he called me up after a second stroke, and I hadn't heard from him, and I answered the phone, like, hey, what's up, man?

How's it going? I was so traumatized, because Patrice passed away, he had a second stroke, I thought we lost him, and he's like, Bob's a fat fuck. I'm like, what? What are you saying? He's like, Bob's a fat fuck. And I'm like, what are you doing?

What the fuck's happening? I thought he was having a fucking aneurysm. He's like, I'm in speech therapy, she said I gotta work on my Bs and Fs. And he told that joke on stage. And it's like, to me that's just funny. I fucking love guys like that, who are just, don't give a fuck about, it's not about the joke,

it's about being in the funny right then and there. You know what I mean? Yeah. But let me ask you a question. Sure. You're getting married? Getting married, yeah. When are you getting married?

In June. Regular American chick? Regular American, New Jersey American chick. New Jersey American chick? Yeah. You moved out of the city? Moved out of the city. You live in where? In Monmouth County in New Jersey. A house? In a house, yeah. It's a parent's house. So our parents moved to Florida. What's up, dude? So. Good job. Well, we're in there and there and we're just saving money so we can buy our own house. That's fucking great. You gotta- Commute to paying the cunt.

I couldn't hold her back anymore. You know, she's a very normal person, good job, career, wants to move on with our lives and I've always just been the useless fucking starving artist, you know? Yeah. So I was like, yeah, let's just head down there and I'll just have to commute into the city every now and then. Dude, that was the same thing, man. There was a time with me and my wife who hasn't paid for a thing in fucking 15 years. I stood on Uh, it's all right. You're good

Oh your headphones came out You good, yeah, yeah my wife when we first met paid for every single thing we did really yeah, dude I was just fucking struggling honest. I lived in shit holes. I lived on, what was it, 97th between 3rd and Lex. Shared an apartment with an African dude and Billy Burr. And she would come visit me and bring me boxes of food. She'd be like, let's go to dinner. I'd be like, you paying?

Cause I made 50 bucks at the cellar. She fucking loved you, huh? I mean, she's a fucking trooper. She's a soldier. As Patricia. And you were she's a fucking trooper. Yeah. She's a soldier. Yeah. As Patricia. You were probably just like fucking for good like when you fucked her it was like for survival was it? No. Like you're like I gotta put in their shift. I gotta fuck her. You really gotta keep the snacks coming. You gotta make sure. I gotta fuck her for things. Yeah exactly. You know you were going to town. Nowadays you're like a little less likely to fucking. Well it's fucked up because you don't know who the one is.

Sure. Because I didn't think it was her. Oh, until when did you realize? Who's that Patrice joke? He said, my girl's been with me for six years, I've been with her for three months. Yeah, yeah. I think every guy knows what that means.

Yeah, of course. My girl's been with me for 30 years, I've been with her for, how old is my son? 11. No, I mean, it just, dude, when we moved back to, we were in LA together and Patrice stayed at my house and he's like, you gotta get the fuck out of here. You're not a comic, you're a fucking chef.

I wasn't doing stand up, dude. Oh, you were out there working, you had a real job, did you? I know, I was going on the road, doing colleges, making money. She was working two jobs. And we were paying a thousand bucks a month for rent. And I was just staying home all the time. I wasn't going into, because I would go to the Laugh Factory and get treated like shit. The comedy store wouldn't let me in

because that crazy fuck Tommy was there, which I really wanted to get at the Comedy Store. And the Hollywood Improv, they were nice to me, but it was all famous people. So I could never get a spot. When I did, I would get bumped, bumped, bumped, bumped, and then just feel like a piece of shit. So I just stopped going.

In New York, I was in at the greatest club in the world and I left it to go to LA Sure, and Patrice came out there and he was like you gotta go home, dude You gotta get the fuck out of here. Yeah, and I moved I think a month later and I told her I was like I'm leaving so if you want to come you can come the plan was that she goes back to Boston I go back to New York get get a place, and then maybe you come back. I thought it was kind of, I thought we were over. I thought that was a little wave. It's a good excuse now. Dude, if you're not in love with this, if this isn't your first woman, if this isn't

your love of your life, you shouldn't do it. You know what I mean? Once you make concessions, you're fucked. There's a time when you can. I got to the point where I figured out how much money I had to make every year, and I had like 12 clubs that I could do that at, but it took years of building that fan base up. I can only work these clubs and I'm fine. I can pay my shit and there you go. And I was like, I'm not gonna do it. I could do that at, but it took years of building that fan base up to where I can only work these clubs

and I'm fine, I can pay my shit and there you go. And then I was able to have a, like kind of give up on fame, chasing that fame shit and understand that I made it. I did it, I did it dude. I do stand up for a living that I made it. I did it. I did it, dude. I do stand up for a living. I make money. It's tough. That idea of like, yeah, cause when I move, the problem is with your goals or whatever, when you achieved them, you go, I fucking didn't aim high enough or it's not

fulfilling enough. What do you mean? I don't know. When I first moved here, I remember Nate Bergazzi, who I always respected. You know Nate. What's his name? Bergazzi. Oh yeah, that guy. I don't know if I'm actually saying it right or not.

My dirty Irish fucking Bergazzi. But he recorded an album and he recorded that, Go Bananas. And I remember when I moved here talking to him about it and he said, I said, one of my goals was if I ever play a weekend there, like as a real comedian, that's like my goal of doing it. Right. And then I did that last year. Yeah. And it's yeah. No, but that's like, I should have really aimed. Nah, dude, dude. My goals were for McGirtys. And yeah, but here's the thing, dude. That's you reached your goal. Now it's just time to set another, what's next? Bit of money, bit of money would be nice.

Yeah, so set that fucking goal. What are you gonna do to achieve that shit? You know what I mean? I mean, here's the thing with, like, you can't, people look at Nate and look at certain comments that are these fucking massive millionaires off this shit and they get bummed out because you're not there. I think it's like laughable how successful they are. It's stupid. I remember yeah like obviously a good

example would be Shane when Shane was first like blasted past everyone it was more like oh fuck he's getting a lot of shit but then it got to a point where he's so successful and that was years ago, by the way, where you go, it's funny that you're just sold out, like fucking the Wilbur in four seconds or whatever. You know, now the idea of a stadium is so, sure, why not play it in the entire country or something. Do whatever you want at that point.

It's the people that get the little shit that's right above you that's more fucking annoying. It's annoying, but it's not yours, man. Like the fact that, dude, I remember when you first came here, you were just fucking trying to get something. And now you're headlining? In how many years? 12, 13.

Dude, you're right on fucking course as far as a comic goes. I mean, Louis explained it to me one time, it's like school. You gotta go to first through fifth or sixth, then you go to seventh and eighth, it's like school. You gotta go to first through fifth or sixth, then you go to seventh and eighth, then you go to high school, and then you go to college. How many years is that? Yes, forever.

No, it's like 12, 14 years or something like that. You're right on par, you're right where you're supposed to be. You graduated, you're in high school, what are you going into, 12th grade now? Right? You graduated in high school and you're headlining. Yeah. It's the fucking greatest thing ever.

No, it is great. But plus, dude, the way we do comedy too. Nate is crystal clean. I know. Yeah. That's money, baby. Yeah, sure. It's fucking money.

Yeah. Yeah. He's also, in my opinion, one of the, probably the best living comedians alive. You know? Nate? Not just the Christian shit. Yeah, I think so. I put him up there above nearly anyone. Louie?

No, not Louie or Burr or any of the good ones. He's up there. Yeah, there's not many above him. Louie and Burr. Louie and Burr, I think to me. But you probably have this thing, because I remember hearing years ago, too, when you guys did YKWD and you were listing the best comics of all time and the boys were talking about Burr and you were like, nah, Burr. Because Burr's my friend.

Yeah, because Burr's like, it's like when you're, you don't notice how big your kids are getting beside you or something. Yeah, you've seen it. You're too close whereas everyone else grew up with him above him. Well Burr, Burr is at the point where he just does what he does now. Sure. And I think like Louis is at that point too. And Nate is too.

But look it, seeing people in these arenas stinks. Horrible, yeah. We were just talking about this thing. Yeah, I went to one recently and it was like, it's a fucking. Like it's fun to witness as a freak show kind of a thing. It's fun to witness, but I'd much rather catch them at a club, anyone at a club. Why would you want to go and sit in the last row and pay 60 dollars? And then just someone's drinking, just shouting.

And you can't even hear them. Yeah. The whole stage is just... It's a fucking 100% money rap. That's all it is. Don't blame them if they say,all, I'll do anything for money. I mean, for sure. I'd do the fucking- The reason we're not doing the stadiums is because of our artistic integrity.

But I mean, yes, I mean, you would do it tomorrow. For sure. For a quarter of the money. Just for the experience. That'd be great if we could do that. We just make the tickets five bucks. Oh yeah, yeah, the five buck fucking theater. We make you a- Stadium tour. We're going to do stadiums, but Yeah. The five buck fucking theater. We make you a stadium tour. We're going to do stadiums, but it's only five dollars every ticket.

We make a loss. We make no money. We just pay for the arena. We'll make it back on merch. We'll make it back on ticket sales to our club at fucking McCurdy's next time we come through town. I wonder if you could do what's what's the most you could ever do. There was a guy in there was a guy in, in, in, there was a guy in, in Scotland did something like, he was a real gimmick guy like that.

He would do things like that where he would like rent these gigantic rooms. And even though he couldn't sell them and then like sell them door to door, like this is a thing, but, and then he tried like stakes. Yeah, like stakes or something. He'd go into the street and go, Hey, I'm playing this stadium tonight and I'm just a nobody, but I want to do it. Like we'll just come out and he's to be able to sell them. And then he also did a thing in Edinburgh one time where they said it was a surprise headliner and they made it seem like Frankie Boyle.

Do you know Frankie Boyle? The Scottish comedian. Fucking great. Yeah, he's great. But they sold the tickets going, there's a Scottish comedian with a ginger hair on the thing. So all these people bought tickets and it was like 4,000 people at the thing. And then the show just ended.

They never brought him out at the very end. That guy went up and did like 30 minutes. That's the show, guys, good night. And it was like boo, drunk and choked shit. Oh, they fucking snapped? Yeah, of course. Yeah, he bought tickets. If someone said there was like a secret headline.

I got fucking somebody come into Off the Hook Comedy Club. And I'm a little, it's like one of the top people of comedy is coming down just to hang out for the weekend and do spas with me. Oh, okay. I'm very excited about it because I get to hang out with them. Sure. But- Is there someone we just mentioned?

I have to follow them. Yeah. I'm pretty sure. And half of me is like, yeah, you just, I'll go up and you go up. Sure. But I don't know if that's going to be possible. I think they're just going to do it. But, but well, well, I don't know, maybe it depends what they're doing too. Are they going to go out and just do that? Absolutely. Yeah. Yes.

The new hour that everybody's dying to see. And I'm going to go on goal. I was fat. Yeah. Well, who pays for the meals then I do because you're the headliner the rule is the headline has to pay even though you brought your features and full multi-millions nobody when he goes I don't need any money yeah of course okay I do I wasn't gonna give you anything I didn't know that was on the table yeah Yeah, he Ben mows you. Yeah, that was, yeah. Who's the biggest guy you've toured with? I've only ever toured with Ari. Shane let me do a guest spot one time. We were in Pittsburgh together and my shows got canceled.

Oh, did he? Well, so he let me, you chew him up in some incredible theater. That's awesome. Yeah, that was incredible. I did that. Yeah, Shane's good to comics. Yeah, he's a good dude, yeah. Ari is too. Ari's good, yeah, I've done a lot with Ari. Ari brought me on the road last year. I think Ari's the best comic that helps more comics than any other comic. He's the best, he's one of my favorite people, yeah.

New special, check it out. New special out now, it's on Netflix right now. It's called, and it's called? I don't know, some stupid name. American Sweetheart, American Sweetheart or something. Yeah, it's called? Um, I don't know, some stupid name. American's Sweetheart. Yeah. American's Sweetheart or something like that. Yeah, it's in a jungle or something? Yes, and he's just like one of the wild

thornberries or something. He's like a safari type, he's wearing all brown. It might look good, this last one looked great, it was all the candles. Here's the thing, I was talking to Louis about this, none of it matters. They're listening. Sure. When they're watching it, they're watching it on their phone.

It's gonna be a clip, and that's what's gonna get them to watch a special. And as long as you're funny, they're only watching your face. They're not really giving, all the hoorah shit in the background has nothing to do with anything. Well for the last one, I don't think it was the end of the world, because it was so thematic. It was like the Jew one. Yeah with all the candles? Yeah but that was annoying.

Fuck him. What it was all about. Some poor asshole had to light a bunch of candles every show. Yeah yeah and they kept blowing out. Yeah some poor fat intern was running around with a Bic lighter burning her thumb. Yeah. Because that asshole wanted. He did say he had to send her out to get more candles. They bought them candles. They only filled half the room and then they were like scouring all across. It was like, you know, it's like a Friday night. Everyone's closed. They're like trying to go to the fucking marketplace. What a shitty situation you put somebody in.

Cause you thought of something, you dumb brain. Yeah. I hate that. He's an artist. He's an artist. And then he does retard jokes. He does. I heard the retard joke is hilarious.

Yeah. In this one. I heard the retard joke is hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In this one. I love the comedy. He has a great, is it October 6th? Whenever the Jews got kidnapped. I don't know the date. What was it?

October 6th? It was October 7th I think. October 7th, whatever. Was it the 7th? Whenever the rave was. We have a Jew right here, Jew. He's Googling it right now. Googling?

You're Jewish. It's supposed to be your 9-11. Yeah dude, this is your day. This is your big time to shine. The one that happens to you, not the one you did. It's October 7th. October 7th. October 7th. Me and you, you're Irish, I'm Irish Catholic, we don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. They got something happened. But he has a great October 6th joke, so everyone should know. But he has a great October 6th joke, so everyone should know. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Yeah, me and him went to fucking Cuba. Oh yeah, that was that. There's no place I'd rather go to a third world country with, nobody I'd rather go to

a third world country with other than Ari. Maybe Jack Vaughan, but there's also, I don't want to go with him. Yeah, because you can't trust him. You can't. You just can't trust him. He's terrifying. Yeah. He has no fear.

Sure. He wants to live in a little bit of the danger. Sure. He doesn't like, like he didn't want to go to any, he didn't want to stay in the tourist part. He wanted to stay in the hood. Okay. With the people.

Yeah. And I, at the last minute, I wanted to stay in the hood with the people. At the last minute, I changed the Airbnb to literally the best street in Havana. Did you just wake up in the middle and go, fuck, no, can't do it? Because I was buying into it, and I'm like, oh yeah, okay, we'll stay over there, and we'll be near the ocean.

And then everybody, like Big Jay and Christine were like, what are you, you can't let Ari do. Yeah, you would've been in a hostel, you would've been sharing a room. And then my wife was like, Bobby, you can't just, I'm gonna find a place. Yeah. And Don, my wife, found it.

And it was amazing, it was perfect. And was he happy, was he mad that you did that? Buddy, if we didn't do that. Yeah. We were hit with a hurricane. We were without power for two and a half days. In Cuba? Yeah.

Buddy, the second day there, they're like, listen, a hurricane's coming. We're probably gonna lose electricity. You might wanna go get supplies. And I was like, what? Supplies? And I go, well, how long would the power be out? They go, we don't know.

Yeah, we don't know. And if there's no power, the food is all gonna be taken up by the people. So we had to go wait. We had to go out and get in queues. You had bread lines. We're bread lines I was in the queso line. Okay, and he was in the pond line. Okay, which is bread and then He see he gave me shit on top poppin show cuz I was like we should get I saw cookies

Okay, I was like, let's get some cookies. He's like we need bread and cheese fatso. We don't eat cookies and It wound up I mean thank God we're in the place we were, because if we were in the other place, I mean it's- Yeah, you guys would have been robbed, you guys would have been eaten, they would have cooked you alive or something. It just would have been uncomfortable.

Sure. And we would have been in a situation where we couldn't, and it just so happens the electricity when it did go back on Just went back on in our area. Oh nice the Ritz or wherever the fuck you were. Yeah, right where the churches are Yeah, where the fucking I get it with a rich, you know, I mean with the vacationers stay Yeah, they put it on there first and then they slowly. Yeah put it back out we would have been just in the dark for four or five days. And, but there was something about it, dude,

not having your phone, not having... So, because you couldn't charge your phone. You could charge your phone, but we didn't have, your phones don't work. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You could use WhatsApp to make a call on the internet, but your phone didn't work. Nice.

There was no, you couldn't do shit. We didn't know who was president for the whole week. Oh, you never got over there? One of our things, we went the week of the election, so we wouldn't know who was president because we just didn't want to be involved in the hurrah of all the bullshit. Yeah. And, uh... So you voted before you went?

Yes. Of course. What's up, son? Yes. I... Nice. We got him. We got him back in there. Yeah, we didn't know shit, which was fucking great, because every day we didn't have to think about the bullshit that you have to think of.

Yeah, and then you were ripping Cubans? Ripping Cubans every day. Every fucking day. I mean, I brought some cigars too, because believing in all the bullshit about getting boxes of cigars for nothing is all a lie. You can't, no. No, no. The first day there, the problem I have with Ari is,

I look, when I'm walking the streets, I keep my head down and I keep moving, and I just don't talk to anybody. Because I don't want to be harassed. Sure. Ari will fucking talk to somebody. He'll just be like, really? Because he wants to use his Spanish.

From Duolingo. He still talks like an ape though, no matter what. Yeah dude. And we wound up in some fucking guy's house. 30 minutes into our trip, we're in some dude's Voodoo lounge. And he's being ripped off all his Canadian money that he brought. house 30 minutes into our trip, we're in some dude's Voodoo lounge. Oh, yeah. And he's being ripped off all his Canadian money that he brought for a box of fake Cubans.

Well, they fake, yeah. Yeah, they're 100% fake. That's great. But it's like shit like that. Yeah, but I know. I get it. It's fun. But I'm also, I did a lot of that in my early 20s.

I went around fucking Southeast Asia. You did? On hostels. Yeah, we went to Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, just like fucking, you know, driving around the mountains and like buses that don't have seats and shit like that overnight, all sorts of crazy shit. Oh, no shit. And now that I'm older, it's like, I still, I've missed that stuff, but I've tried to do that stuff later on, like getting to a hostel where there's like a dorm. And next thing you know, it's like I still I've missed that stuff, but I've tried to do that stuff later on, like getting to a hostel where there's like a dorm. Yeah. Next, you know, someone's like snoring beside you and you're just like, fuck this. I can't, I need, I need to be a little bit more. I'm too old. Adult. I mean, I need to be adult. You want to have a little, a little comfort. Oh,

someone fucking stole my phone. I was in Chile just recently. Really? For a wedding. Yeah. A friend of mine was getting married in Argentina. So I was like, while I'm down there, I'll go to Chile, whatever. And I was just walking down the road. I got there early. I couldn't check into the hotel. There was a gym down the road. I went down to the gym and it was like a touristy section. I was taking photos of like graffiti or something like that. And I was looking at the phone and some guy pulls up on a moped.

Just snatches it. Yeah. Gone. So fast. It happened. So I was so fucking fucking stupid too, that I think I was taking the photo, right? And I was like looking at my phone and I heard him come up behind me on the sidewalk and I like stood out, like I stood into like, oh, let this guy go, but next thing you know, a hand comes out and then I had a water bottle, big from the gym and I tried, I threw it at him and I missed him and I hit some It's an old woman. And yeah, the phones was gone. And this guy was so fast. I mean, because you always see those videos on

Twitter or whatever. You always go, what an idiot. It happened so fucking fast. And the guy was gone that he even stopped. I chased him. He had time to stop and like make sure there was no traffic and pull out and he just fucking... What were you going to do when you got him? I don't know.

May I have my phone back, please? 19 other fucking dudes who know kung fu. There was another guy on a bike, too, who was there, but he didn't make it obvious that he was together, but I'm pretty sure the two of them were working together. Yeah, dude. And then, yeah. And then I was getting the... So a few days I'm walking around Chile with no phone. I'm just in San Antonio or whatever it was called in

Chile and I'm getting the airport and then someone goes, I couldn't check on to my plane because I didn't have the flight and I had to get a laptop out because I didn't have my phone. And then someone goes, did you get your phone stolen by any chance? And I was like, yeah. And he goes, man, we saw someone get their phone stolen. We were on the tour bus and they were pointing out something and some guy got his phone stolen. And I was like, was he wearing like a red shirt?

And they're like, yeah. And I was like, that was me. And they're like, oh, that was the wife called his husband over. This is him. They're all in this fucking. That's the guy who killed the old lady with a water bottle. Exactly. But they were driving by going on to your left. You'll see some dickhead getting his phone stolen. Well, that's the thing in Cuba that was I guess the crime, punishment for crime in Cuba.

You're really not going to, you'll get robbed I guess, but if you get caught stealing a phone, if you get caught with drugs, if you get caught selling cigars, you go away. Ten years, gone. Yeah. You're just gone. And they, they're really hard on criminals in Cuba. So a lot of people don't commit crimes, so it's actually kind of safe.

But the younger generation's coming up and is getting a little sick of these tourists walking around with $1,500 iPhones and GoPros and fucking Louis Vuitton bags. And they're like, fuck this, I have a pig living in my living room for food. I'm snatching this bitch's bag. Yeah, my car is 100 years old. I know.

They literally. That was wild. Seen some of the old cars. You get in these cars and you, the history of the cars is crazy because in the 50s, when they did the, when Fidel and Che took over, it was all rich, Americans, companies,

it was all rich people. That was supposed to be the new Vegas. Yeah, so it was a little Cadillac and fucking. Oh, Cadillac and all these four. Yeah, the mob, the mob had the casinos. Beautiful, mob was down there. I know it was you, Fredo, right? Yeah, the government was down there

and they were making millions off of sugar cane and coffee and cigars and all this stuff. And tourism, it was going to be huge. So when Fidel took over, everybody left. Yeah. But they all left their keys, they all took their keys with them because they're like, oh, we'll be back in a month once the US government comes back

in and wipes these lunatics out. They never got back in. They never got back in. All those cars are from the rich people that were there and just fled. Wow. And they just- So technically someone could go, that's my grandfather's fucking car. 100%.

And you could see the cars, they were all like, jimmied. Yeah. They still don't have keys? Some of them don't have keys. They use a screwdriver to start the car because it's just the government owns the cars now and doles them out to people. Yeah, so all the cars like, they're getting good condition.

Some of them, I mean, it's beautiful. You watch like- Because you have to, because there's no new cars. So every single person knows. No, there's a couple. Nowadays. There's a couple nowadays. But all the tourists, it's a tourist thing.

The taxis are all old cars. Mainly old cars from back in the day. Like every time they turn, because of the power steering. Oh, it's great. We took an old, one of those beach wagons from back in the day. Nice. To one of the restaurants one night. But the great part is you tell a guy, hey, come back here at 10, he'll just be back there at 10.

He'll just be back there at 10 waiting for you, get you in the car, bang, he'll show up, be here tomorrow at six because we want to go here, and they're just there. And it's safe as fuck as far as that goes. But there's always an element of danger. Here's the problem though, Europeans, you guys do this shit all the time. You guys go on holiday.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We go see the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Americans won't go- We have a thirst for knowledge, you know? We don't. An interest in the world, a curiosity to us. Americans of Florida.

Yeah, unless there's oil for use to fucking steal. Yeah we don't't like going on... Florida is fucking great. I love Florida. I love Florida too. I'm a Florida boy. But here's the deal. Back in the day, that was a vacation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We never went out of America.

No. Fuck you guys. No. Fuck your history. Sure. We just went to Florida, maybe LA. Yeah. You know, we stayed a trip in our universe was in this country.

We didn't leave this country. We're not going to fucking Europe. We're not going here. Maybe Rome. Some people go, but you barely ever, I knew nobody that went out of the country and flew international. But you guys have been doing this for years. I guess my generation did.

Because I think the first time I was on a flight was the first time my mother was on a flight too. Like 1998, we went to Spain. I think, or at least that was her first time ever going to Europe. So when I was eight and that was our first family vacation, that was her first time ever going. So she would have been, I don't know what, 30, 40 something at the time, you know. It was a new age. Irish people had never had any money.

But you guys were all connected over there too. Like Europe is, you can take a train from- Yes, but Irish people don't consider themselves European. Europe is mainland Europe. Ireland is Ireland and England is England. The islands kind of have their own vibe and then you've got mainland Europe, which is kind of different, which is much more interchangeable because they all conquered each other. They all took each other's language, took that back, that like, you know,

there's places in France that used to be German not long ago and vice versa and all this type of shit, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Irish are always just out on their own, doing their own little thing. Yeah, what's going on with Ireland, dude? We're just crushing it, just hanging out. I feel like, because all my feed is that Muslims are taking over Ireland. I know. What is that?

It's just, that's just good videos. Is that all it is? Yeah, there's not that many. It's really not. London is nuts. I was just in London. There wasn't a white con in the place. I swear to God, it was like a fucking Greyhound bus station. No shit. There's not a white fuck in London. So London is... London is just... it's New Delhi or something. It's Mumbai. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Muslim and Indians. It's crazy. So there's no more white dudes with vests

walking around with a cane. No, he might be, but I don't know where he is. That kind of, hello, yo, that type of fucking rich, Buckingham Palace type of guy. It's gone. But the kind of cockney taxi driver, oy, oy, that guy's gone. Gone.

No, it's all just immigrants. But they had loads of Jamaicans came over in like the 60s and fucking have saved loads of black people over there. And the funny thing is is that white people aren't having kids. No. You get people like these immigrants that are coming over, they're fucking. Can't stop them.

Having kids. They love it. And making big families. Fucking won't stop. Well look, I think, you know, look, Italians did that to America. Of course, I heard. They love it. And making big families. Fucking won't stop. Well look, I think, you know, look Italians did that to America, you fucks. Yeah, we did it. You guys fucking took over. Remember back in the day, you guys were.

That was part of the charm, yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys were hunks of shit back in the day over here. Yeah, of course, Irish twins. Irish people in New York were garbage people. Yeah, you'd have 12 kids and eight of them would survive. Yeah. Yeah, just plain, but now no one's having kids. Yeah, my grandmother, my Irish Catholic, eight kids.

Yeah, yeah. Every time you came in it, you kept it. Yeah, but you know how hard to look at the relationship you have with your son. Yeah. Compared to someone back then, it's just, it's not even close to how much of an interest and how much you care about them and like, obviously you loved them and cared

about them, but they didn't have that kind of like, how's your grades, how's your whatever. They just sent you out to the park and then some of your kids would die. And that was kind of it. That was truly how they used to raise the kids. I have 10 of them and one of them would have like lupus or something. And you know, one of them would have like lupus or something. And you know, one of them would be gay, you'd send them to the priesthood. And then you'd like, you'd become more gay. Just learn how to suck a dick better. Yeah, you'd figure out you're fucking.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but nowadays it's like very hands on. It's exhausting. It's like you couldn't possibly be the best parent you could be. And also have like five kids. Yeah, I also think it's it's people, parents, parent too much. Way too much, isn't it? Way too much.

My kid will come to me and be like, dude, I'm going, dad, I'm going on a bike ride downtown. Am I right? Look where you're going. Yeah. Be safe. Keep your phone on you. You need to call me. Go.

Perfect. Just fucking go. Get out. Come. He went with his friend who he has an electric bike and he used the other electric bike, my electric bike, and immediately the other kid just fucking fell. And I was like, oh shit, I gotta deal with this parent who, oh no.

Is like, you know what I mean? And it was kind of like sad and fucked up. Sure. But my son was like, I was like, what'd he do? He was like, ow, he fucking took a turn wrong and just fell in his face. I tried to help him. And I was like, all right, dude.

You know? Yeah, I don't know. My sister has kids and when she's like disciplined and stuff, it's like this weird new age tone of like, what did we say about doing and why don't we? And it's, you know, that kind of a thing. And it actually gets me, I wanna go, shut the fuck up. I do it too, dude.

You would like to talk to them like this, to have a discussion. Well well because here's the thing dude It's infuriating. I have my hair that I have my mother and me and my I have that shit back in me And I want to go hey, what the fuck you doing? Don't be an idiot Yeah, get the shit done get the fuck over there. I fucking said so yeah Yeah, but I'm the fucking man until you're eight. I want to do that. Yeah, sure, but here's the problem When my kid is almost as tall as me now, and we're coming to a point where he's gonna go, no.

And I'm gonna have to fight for my life. So it's like, I'm going the other way now, so I don't have to get the shit kicked out of me in two years by a 13 year old. He might just already know you're weak. He goes, he never, he might already know. You've lost your chance. You lost your chance to scare him.

It's a fear of mine that one day he's just gonna go, hey, you're not going out, yes I am. Yeah, of course I am. And I'm just, I'm just gonna have to let him, all right dude, listen, be back, be back. But I always love, But that happens, you know?

I loved those parents, when I was a kid, when I was like, I think I was 14, I moved to upstate New York, Spenceport, New York. And actually it was when I was 15. And I started hanging out with this kid. I met him at a bowling alley. And it was the only, I just went by myself to a bowling alley.

And hung out, was playing that karate game. And he wanted to play in. And then he was bowling, and he was to play in, and then he was bowling, and he was on a league, and he put me, he was like, you wanna try? And I bowled, I think like 10 strikes in a row or some shit. Shit, pure luck, he's like, you gotta join the league, and I joined his league, his team, and I sucked.

I fucking sucked after, and I think he kicked me off the team. When we started hanging out, his father would have a keg in the basement, and he would let him drink in the basement in the house. Yeah. So we would go to his house and get fucking trash. That used to be one of the things, I was like,

if they're gonna do it, I'd rather they do it here. That was his thing. That was the thing. You gotta do it, I'd rather have him do it here. He's 12 years old, he's gotta do it, yeah. Dude, I was 15 and we're in in his fuckin' dad's basement, just pouring kegs, getting cranked in his house, going to Van Halen concerts, fuckin' trashed out of our minds. But I don't know if that worked, I don't know if that kid's still alive.

You know what I mean? No, 15 is fine. Me and my buddies drank at 15. But dude I went to jail that year. I know yeah but you ruined it for everyone. Not everyone goes off the rails. But in Ireland you know it's 18 to drink so it's like hard to keep, you're not going to keep any until 18. Right. If it's 21 to drink here you might keep them until they're like 18, 19 not drinking.. Whereas cause it's 18 there, you're like, well, you're 17, you're practically 18.

So just go and do it. Yeah, once I got to 15, my parents said, yeah, do whatever you want. You could drink? Yeah. That's fucked. They always said 16 was gonna be the rule that you could drink at home.

And then by the time 15, I was the youngest, so they just sort of said, fuck it. Go ahead, how many brothers and sisters? Older brother, older sibling, older sister. Older brother, so you're the youngest? I'm the youngest, yeah. And they just let you drink? They let me drink at 15, yeah.

Yeah, but you guys drink, but were you doing drugs too? Not really, no. Because it's drinking? Yeah, yeah. Ireland's not really, we smoked a lot of hash, I think, but then I never, Irish people don't really smoke weed like the way they do over here. Right.

Nobody, it's like much more casual here. For Ireland, if you smoke weed, you're like a stoner. You're the stereotypical white guy who dreads hacky sack. Fucking over here, people smoke weed all the time. So over there, you just go fucking have beers? Just get beers. I think coca's might be a bit of a problem now, but it wasn't when I was a kid.

Right. I always fucking love that. What? I don't know. Just getting beers. Just the Irish thing where you went to the pub and you got a beer and you hung out and you shot the shit and you fought each other and you just didn't give a shit.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I remember I met two Irish guys when I was in the Netherlands doing some festival. Nice. They were hooligans. Oh really? And they came up to me after the show,

they're like, yo, you know, talking and you're, I'm not gonna do your accent. I'm not Dan Soda. No, I can't do it. I always wind up being Scottish. And uh. It's not bad. And um, they were telling me, yeah, we just fought.

I'm like, what? He goes, yeah, man, we just fought in the alley. Yeah. I was like, each other? He goes, yeah. What? I was like, why? He goes, I don't know, we just fought.

We wanted to fight. We're gonna try to get into a fight later. I'm like. That sounds nuts. And I was like, what? He goes, I don't know. We just fought. We wanted to fight. We're going to try to get into a fight later. I'm like, that sounds nuts. And I was like, what the fuck is that? That just sounded crazy. He goes, he was telling me, he sent me to a website, a Hooligan website where they meet. They meet on Facebook and they're like, we're going to meet here. We're going to fight before the match. Yeah. Get it over with and then go watch the fucking football game. Yeah, so the Hooligan stuff is incredible because it all happened organically, you know?

Two away teams that would meet, and then the stadiums wouldn't be divided up, so they'd all just fight, fucking crush each other. And then they slowly made it harder and harder for fans to do that. If you got caught fighting, they'd ban you from the stadiums. So now it's gotten to the point

where they don't even wait till Sunday when the two teams are playing, they'll just like meet up in a random April on a Wednesday at a car park in a different city and just beat the fuck out of each other. Have you ever done that? No, I've never come close to it, no. No?

No. I just thought, I always thought. I'm just interested in it because of the movies and stuff. I was always fucking interested in it too because it's guys. But it's all young dudes. It's all 18 year olds, 19. They always had some fucking old guy though.

Yeah. Who had like a scar down his face. On TV they did. I think in reality it's just kids who are just killing time. Just fighting each other. Yeah. They'll just throw a brick off each other's head, slash each other with a bottle and then they just want, they just have this energy they need to get out.

And it's just ballsy. They just want to, it's just this animalistic fucking. It's a fucking animalistic fuck it, let's just beat the shit out of each other, get it over with, and then go enjoy the game. Yeah, they go out with the boys. There's a fashion part of it too, which is insane. What do you mean?

They all dress up and design their gear. What? When you go fucking fight each other, you gotta be wearing like fucking top of the range. Because you know, anyone from Liverpool, the Scouts, Liverpoolians, the Scouts, they're a, they steal. They love stealing. They're just a steely people.

Um, they are, they are, they're a steely people. There's a few of them. You know, the type of people that steal. Gypsies. Yeah. They don't like being called gypsies though. These aren't gypsies. These are people from the town of the city of Liverpool, which are

all Irish descendants actually, but they just steal. So then when in the seventies, when they started playing in Europe, they created the European Cup and Liverpool were dominant. They started sending them to play in Europe. So they went to like Milan, they went to like Madrid. So they were able to just go onto these streets that were like high end streets and they weren't used to the scumbags from Liverpool. They would just walk in 200 of them and grab all the Louis Vuitton gear and then fucking smack a security guard. And then that was it. So

then when they came back, they were all fucking all these scumbags were wearing like thousand dollar tracksuits, beating the fuck out of each other. And then that created like a fashion within the Hooligans. So you have to have Gucci and Louis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if those are the exact brands, but they definitely wear a certain real high end gear. Wow.

They go and beat the fuck out of each other. Such a fucking... They get dressed up in this like pink tracksuit, you know, and they fucking... I don't know why it's such a manly thing to me. To go fight? To know you're just going to go fight somebody. And it's a brutal street fight. It's such a manly thing to me. To go fight? To know you're just gonna go fight somebody. And it's a brutal street fight.

It's not, in Europe it gets crazy, or even over to Turkey where they just show up with fucking machetes and stuff. No shit. They fight with swords and stuff. Yeah, they take it too far. Yeah, I know, but a brick to the head's not gonna help either.

That's not, look, I remember when I was a kid, we never, we just fought. Yeah. Like in Boston, you just met like a bunch of other kids who were over there. Someone would throw a beer at somebody's head, and then you'd just be fighting, and punching the shit out of each other.

The other neighborhood would come over, right? Like whatever the block was. Like Burlington or Everett, another town would come over. Yeah, they'd just walk through, just a bunch of teenagers would show up. Yeah, but like even in my town of of teenagers would show up and they're looking for you. Even in my town of Medford, we hung out at parks. So at night that park was ours. So Tufts Park was the Italian kids, North Park was the Irish kids, Dougher Park was the black

kids. I said that right. And then they had like smaller parks with the younger kids. I said that right. So, and then they had like smaller parks with the younger kids. So we would just go and fight somebody. You know, yeah, you'd head over to the Italian joint. Yeah, like you'd go to Somerville was the next town and we'd go over there and fight. You know, we'd be walking and see some kids over there and we'd fight each other. And you know, it was just a fight. It wasn't a guns. I think teenage boys used to just do that everywhere. They just like, pretty much every neighborhood across the world would be like,

we're just gonna go fight a bunch of other young boys. Yeah, that was like the mid 80s. And Jay was like, dude, that's so sad because you were just two years away from settling all your battles with dancing song You could have just break dance your way out of something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I guess and then kids don't even go out anymore They all just fucking play on the PlayStation, right? It makes not like that. So hanging out the parks is no well Because yeah, no kids don't hang at the park because guys were fucking and stealing them

You know, we I mean they were doing that, we just didn't know about it. Yeah. So Joey was just gone one day, and he was like, where's Joey, I don't know, I guess he moved. And you know, and then we start with the internet, we found out that there's predators and people just snatching kids up, so now everybody wants to keep their kid.

You got one or two of them. Yeah, you only got two, you keep them inside. If you go to the park, if you go to the park, it's all mothers on their phones, yapping to each other, and the kids are just playing. Yeah, kids don't hang out. Like, when I was a kid, you woke up and just went to the park. You just left.

You left. And you were told, well, time to come home. Come home at this time. Nowadays, it's like, there's no such thing as that, right? No, there's not. There's no place to go. There's no... We used to go out and we would drink.

We would go out so early that we would get drunk so that we could sober up before we got home. Dude, I. And so that your parents wouldn't know. You'd get drunk, we'd start in the afternoon. Yeah. We'd get, we used to have to go to the liquor store, hang out in front to get a buyer.

Saxam, yeah, yeah. And we'd wait for some fuckin' lonely dude. And you'd always just go, what are you going for me, would you go in for me? Would you go in for me? And there was some piece of shit that would literally buy alcohol for 13-year-olds. Yeah.

He would come out with your shit. You'd give him a little extra for his fuckin' alcoholism. Sure. You'd get Wild Irish Rose, wine and whiskey mix. You'd get some type of beer. Some bullshit. And maybe some whiskey. Southern Comfort, you get some type of beer. Some bullshit. And maybe some whiskey, Southern Comfort, SoCo. Southern Comfort.

Yeah, we didn't get good shit, we were just trying to get shitfaced. As soon as we got that, we'd go to our spot, go to our park, or go to the, underneath the, on the tracks, and we would just sit there and get fucked up. Yeah. And hopefully by the time you had to go home. You kind of sobered up so you could pass. You could be like, hey, what's up, mom, I'm tired. Yeah, I'll read.

Exhausted. And just go in your room and watch it spin. Yeah, we would do that. We would get like potato chips, you know, before you're going in and you'd like open them up and crush them up all over your hands and your face so you'd come in smelling like potato chips so that they think you're, so they wouldn't smell

like alcohol, that was the whole theory. You know, it's not like cheese and onion chips. Yeah. We were at kids back, I think in our age were just had so much more fun. Yeah. But Ireland is like literally fucked like at the time the nineties in Ireland was probably a lot like the fucking seventies or the eighties over here because it just took so long for everything to spread out. Now you think, you think Ireland is more like us now? Yeah, I think the world is much more similar now because of the internet.

It's fucking lame. Everything's just kind of the same. Everyone watches the same shit. That bums me out. Everyone watches the same shit. Everyone just learns the same stuff. It's a whole kind of global thing. In my opinion, I could be wrong. I was always think that Ireland was just kind of stayed in time. Yeah. And that's how I always remember it is when I left and when I come back, I'm like, what is this shit?

It's bad. It's just different than when I left. You know, a lot of gay, like they're emotionally gay. You know, they're just like kind of fucking real fucking faggy. You know what happened was we had the we did the first of all, we voted for gay marriage, which was fine. We voted for gay marriage, which was fine. We voted for gay marriage. And then we did the abortion vote, which was we had to change the abortion vote.

It used to be that abortion was illegal. Irish Catholic, right? Yeah, exactly. And then they voted in 2015, 2016 to change it. And then it won by a landslide 99%. And then I think people caught the bug of like social change and social justice. And then it just became a bunch of people now. Even Ireland?

Ireland's really fucking a lot of wokey gay fucks. Get the fuck off. But we were always fucking very liberal. We had like we had loads of laws, like Irish laws for women were like well advanced to quit the rest of the world and things like that. We had an Irish president, female president things, very good with immigrants, all sorts of bullshit that we always had. But then at the same time, we would always say slurs and have fun.

Yeah, you're the greatest, you're the greatest country in the world because you made the word cunt. Yes. Just Cunt is a fucking solid one. It's a solid word, but it doesn't mean what cunt means here. And then I just went home to Ireland for Christmas, came back and I was doing a show and I was like, cunt, cunt, cunt, and I realized it very early

and I got, sorry, because I'm saying it here and you can feel the audience. In the crowd in Ireland? No. Here? Yeah, it was my first show back from being home from Christmas and cunt came back into my regular vernacular. Yeah, because here it means wife.

Yeah. Yeah. There it means here it means wife. There it means it's your friend. It's for anything. It's just, you know, anything. Like what? You like, you know, just like, hello, like, oh, what's up, you cunt? You know, like it doesn't really mean.

It's the N word for Irish people. It is the N word for Irish people. We also have that one. We also have the we always have the traditional N word for Irish people. It is the N word for Irish people. We also have that one. We always have the traditional N word. You have the old school N word. The old school like Irish word. Exactly. Yeah, but it is, it's like, black dudes use the N word

and it doesn't sound. Yeah, and when you say cunt like that, we even use it as like cunting, like where's my cunting keys or whatever, that type of stuff, you know what I mean? I would love to use the word cunt every day. Yeah. It's such a good word.

And it's not gender specific at all. No. Over here it's female. It's women. It's a bitch. Yeah. Fucking annoying bitch. Whereas a tiny one, it's just a thing.

It's a person or a thing. It's the final thing you call a woman who's bugging you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the end of the road word. Like that Philly guy, you see that Philly guy? Ah, dude. He goes, you're an ugly cunt. No, but my favorite part is the guy goes,

hey man, why are you calling her that name? You don't have to call that name. He goes, but she's an ugly fat cunt. And he said it like, he was like, but she is an ugly fat cunt, am I wrong? And he was an ugly fucking piece of shit and she wasn't too bad. My lord. Yeah, and he got fired and everything.

Was he, what is he? Oh, from his job. He got fired from his job, they banned him from Philly Games for life. That guy, he got, it was a little overkill I think maybe. But I do think Philly Spursans are scum of the earth. You know what I mean? So it's not uncommon for them. Most of them do belong behind bars. Anyone that puts on an Eagles shirt probably is a fucking criminal. 100%.

But that's why you love them. Do we love them? Be cut, lookit man, let me tell you something. I went to the Super Bowl where, I got tickets to the Super Bowl where they played, I think Jacksonville, the Panthers or some shit. The Patriots. Patriots fan.

I was so happy. I was so, I had Super Bowl tickets no matter who they played. I was panicking when I thought it was gonna be Philly. It would've been a bloodbath. We would've had to fight to get the fuck out of there. If we had won that Super Bowl and it was Philly, we would've had to fight our way out of that fucking place.

But when it was the Panthers, I was like, oh, this is, it was almost two. It was the Pan, yeah, I think it was the Panthers. Yeah. It was, it was, they would, they would pat you on the back. Be like, Hey, that was good. Jacksonville not scum that no, no, they were just, they were just brand new into the league. Basically, you know what I mean? Yeah. They would just be like, Oh, that was a good play. And infiltrated. I think somebody said congratulations at the end of the game when we won with four seconds

left. See, that's the thing about the, yeah, but the Eagles, they were doing that against the fucking nice little Packers, little Midwest cheese, fucking middle Midwest. Hello, yes, we're here for a nice game. Some chicks got a drum. They weren't doing that against the fucking Atlanta Falcons, some big fucking black fucking security guard, but like, they don't fucking, the Eagles fans shut the fuck up when it's a black guy. Oh the black guy wasn't filming like a pussy.

No, well there is videos of Atlanta fans going, what the fuck you gonna do? The Eagles fans are just like, well nothing. Not today, we're playing the Packers next week. We'll take it out on those little cheese. Honestly I saw that video, I think, cause he said something about doing this. I think the Packers taught they scored a feel of touchdown and then she went like this or something and then he goes and then it cuts in and he's just going, it's short. Or no, he's going to short. It's short.

And she's like, he'll get it next time. He's like, well, don't be doing this fucking shit. I'll call her an ugly cunt. She is a fucking ugly cunt. But she is. That would get me going too if someone said, don't say that. Like, well, call her an ugly cunt. She is a fucking ugly cunt. But she is. That would get me going too, if someone said, don't say that. I go, well, she fucking is.

It sucks. And that's the key to it, dude. Everybody has a fucking camera. You gotta see the whole thing. I gotta see the whole thing. Why? Because I need to know what. Oh, you do?

I need to know what happened before. This dude, listen, if someone's filming you, you can't call a chick a cunt. You just gotta go, yeah. Yeah, as soon as that camera goes up, you gotta shut the fuck up. Everybody has footage, and that's why the world stinks. You can't get away with anything, you can't do anything.

Everybody can film you and take away your life with one fuck up. You don't think that guy woke up on fucking Monday going, god damn it. Yeah, I'm sure he's regretting it right now. 100%. He used to have a few beers, it was a Sunday. You should get one video scandal per person.

You can't call a woman a cunt, you're gonna lose your job. All he had to do was fake an Irish accent and he would've done it. He said I was endearing. But she is a fucking cunt. Yeah, it fucking blows. But that's why guys like you. But fairness, for him to be saying that, it looked like it was only those two people

and he's surrounded by Eagles fans. Yeah. It's like, and then everyone online is going, can you believe that guy just allowed him to say that? And you go, absolutely. You go fucking. I would have been like, yeah. You go start a fucking, you go.

I'm like, you're thinking what I'm thinking, pal. Yeah, you would have turned out to be, let's be honest, you've had your, your better years are over. Come on. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. I mean, I actually, we talked about working out and you can be a little cunty, you know You have a tone. Yeah, you've a top you got a tone. We've talked about it I'm gonna have to sign with this guy for right now Him and the thousands of scum bags around me. Yeah Oh, I I would have thrown my wife under the bus in a second. Yeah, I've been saying that for years

Thank you. I would I would like dude. Thanks brother. Someone had to second. Yeah, I've been saying that for years. Thank you. I would have been like, dude, thanks, brother. Someone had to say it. I couldn't. I'm married to this fat cunt. Well, dude, I'm fucking, I'm happy for you that you're actually,

you found a chick and you're in a house and you got here. She's great, she's great. It's good to have a life. It's good She's great. It's good to have a life. It's good to have that, you know. It's good to have a life. It really is. Yeah. You know, it's like in my eyes, you made it. Yeah. Yeah.

What else do you want? Besides fame, money. 21 year old wife. Maybe the exactly her, but like in a younger, hotter version. You really want to talk to a chick with hopes and dreams. Do you really want to remove them? Yeah. Do you want to have that conversation again?

Just a chatty Cathy late night. I love that my wife just goes to bed at nine 30. Yeah. And just wakes up in the morning and coffee's ready. Yeah. My wife wants nothing to do with me. Great. Isn't it?

It took my girl a long time because I've been like going on, now she's so used to me going on the road. When I first started going on the road she was like, oh my god, you're going for like how many nights? Three nights? Oh my god. Now it's like literally she just be, I'll say something and she looks at me like, what are you fucking on the road? Like, shouldn't you be gone for two weeks? Oh yeah, my wife loves when I hit the road. Yeah, yeah. And I love it too. Of course. I love it too. I mean, look, I wife loves when I hit the road. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. And I love it too. Of course. I love it too, I mean look, I miss them.

I love coming home. Yeah, yeah, but you need that little break just to. You need a break. Dude, I just had two weeks off and I spent, I didn't do shows. And I spent the two weeks with them. Yeah. It was too much.

Yeah, I've done that, I've done that myself recently and it's like I'll probably never retire. I'll just keep doing this until they fucking take it away. Nope, I love my wife so much. I love my kid. I love being with them, but not for two weeks straight. Do you know what I mean? Of course. It's not right. It's not right. Die for them. Millions of years, we never spent two weeks together.

No, no. It's a new age thing. No, they had to go out and get, they were like, look, we're going to get some deer. We'll be back. The teepee warm. And as soon as they got on and get, they were like, look, we're gonna get some deer, we'll be back, keep the teepee warm. And as soon as they got on the horses, they were like, we gotta get away from these fucking thwats. Does deer right here?

Nah, we'll fucking, let's go. Yeah, you're not supposed to be with your chick every day. You ever see guys, old guys, who are with their wives every day in retirement? Yeah. They just don't speak. It's crazy, yeah. So many people get divorced as soon as they retire Really that happens a lot. Is that a fact you just say and I've heard of one or two

Someone I'm gonna say blanket statement, but it's not uncommon podcast. You just say shit and I'm like really I mean facts I've told the people where I heard Like that's not true. I've had stuff come back to me and they go that's not you go. Oh, all right. Sorry who cares I just said it fucking talking for a living trying to entertain you for heads. Yeah I've had stuff come back to me and they go, that's not true. I go, oh, all right, then sorry. Who cares? I just said it. Fucking talking for a living, trying to entertain you fuckheads. Yeah. Yeah.

But I do think that happens when people retire and they spend too much time together. They go, this is, we can't do it. Yeah. They've lost. Yeah. And it makes sense. Seven days in a row with someone is fucking nuts. Seven days is, I think, the allotted amount of time.

Like, unless you have kids that are like keeping you distracted tasks. Unless you can get the fuck away for a little bit. Yeah. Like I remember we went to Aruba during the pandemic and we were there for almost a month. Yeah, it's crazy. And, but I was leaving like during the week,

but there was a point where they got COVID and they had to stay for an extra five days in quarantine. And I left. You did? Yeah, of course. I left. I jumped on the plane. I moved my ticket up to Mint.

I got I had miles. I was like, fuck it. I'll use them. I got the middle seat in Mint and I went home and I had five days to myself. Oh, nice. Yeah. I mean, there is something about you love them, but you got to get the fuck away to keep it. Yeah, I love you from a distance Yeah, yeah something being a comic is the perfect because you leave for three days Perfect and you come home and you miss him

Yeah, or then even if you come home, then they're annoying you by the Sunday night you go. I'm gone Thursday morning Are you gonna have kids? Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully. Does she want kids? Yeah, we both want kids. And how old are you? 34.

34, how old is she? 34. 34, oh perfect. Yeah. Yeah, 38. So we're trying to get the house, that's the thing, is we're trying to get somewhere, just any time. Yeah.

Just to start, just to get on it and then. That's great, dude. Listen, man, you fucking, you're killing it. Yeah, thanks, appreciate it. I mean, you're killing it. You got a special? Got my special. On Gas Digital? Yeah, from Gas Digital on YouTube. Check it out.

How many, and people are digging it? People like it. Yeah, a lot of people have watched it, liked it. And I hate it, obviously. Isn't it weird how I hate my shit too? Of course, but you get, there's something you see, whatever. It makes sense, but. I'll be doing another one this year eventually. When are you doing the next one? Do you have any plans? I think next year I'm gonna do it. Yeah. You know, I'm not into this fucking every six months whale out a special because I'm, you know, I'm not really into that.

I know you're supposed to do it, I guess, once a year. People are doing them now. Yeah. I think if you do a half hour a year, you can probably get away with it. Maybe. I don't even know what the fuck any of it means anymore. I came up it was like I never even knew specials. Like the people probably those comedians now probably never even do specials. They'll just post clips and that's it.

Because you're trying to get a view and you're trying to get somebody in the thing. That's the value now, I guess. Yeah. Is doing well, getting people to like, you know, Josh Johnson puts out a fucking an hour a week or something. I know who that is. Josh is a massive Josh is a seller guy. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. What's that like?

He he does like 30 minutes every week. Brand new on the road. Yeah, it's good. People like it. That's why I love you. Now it's good, but it's topical and it's obviously not. It's not it's never as good as someone who did an hour, a year and a half of getting a grape, but it is good.

But he's had his ability to ride 30 minutes of topical stuff that's like consistently funny. It's Leno. It's a, it's a. It is like, it is like Leno. It's late night. That's what he's doing. Yeah.

Late night shit. Yeah. Which is, you know. But it's not that old like fucking snap your your neck, fucking boom, boom, boom. And he doesn't have writers. Huh? Who? The difference between him and Leno had, Leno had writers, but he's doing it himself. Yeah. Josh is an animal. He's always had it writing gigs and stuff. He's always been

writing for multiple shows at once. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not really, I mean, that's fine. I don't, I don't know. There's, you know, everybody's like, you gotta do this. You gotta do that. It's like, I don't, everybody's like, you gotta do this, you gotta do that. It's like, look bro. I don't fucking know. Back in the day, you were a MC, then you became a feature, then you became a headliner, and then somebody asked you to do a special

if it was good enough. And now, I don't know, you gotta get a TikTok thing, and then you gotta put a crowd work clip out, or you gotta get a YouTube page. You gotta put a half hour in every fucking week. I don't fucking understand it. But there is a difference between really funny motherfuckers and people who learned how to do the math of it, I think.

You know what I mean? But you're one of those guys who's fucking funny to me. All right, well listen, let me go through this right now. We got a Patreon we're gonna do, dude. Tonight's show, I saw that, fucking great. Thank you. Murdered on it. Which is great. I always love when, like I did it too,

like guys who I know who are like funny club comics, do late show, there's always a little difference. It's funny, yeah, but you know what's funny? It sounds like I'm blood-sm smoke, but I always use yours. Yours was always a good example of like being funny on the show, not just badababa. Badababa. Yeah. Yours was like actual fucking. Yeah. Yours was the same way. That's what I was trying to do. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Which I, which look, I, I fuck them. I can't, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and they go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and they look right with it.

It's a thing, which I get, it's late night standup. I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a fat, whatever, the fat guy. Well, that's why I like that Tonight Show guy, like Jimmy will put regular standups on him, which I love. I love that he does that. He's not just putting that late night standup on.

He does give guys like us a shot. He has specials on Gas Digital and this fucking asshole. He's wrote, collects pots of golds at the end of rainbows. What a piece of shit. Who said that? That's Danny. The Jew? Yeah, the Jew said that.

And you got a podcast, you still have the studio? No, I got rid of it. Why? It was just an overhead. I mean, I got rid of the guests. I just sort of do, I just do it on my own now. Do it at the house? I do it at the house in New Jersey on my own. I just say, talk about my week, whatever's in the news.

Callum Tyrell podcast. The Callum Tyrell podcast. Where can you get it? Everywhere. We have a podcast there. Do you have a website? YouTube, callumtyrell.com if you want to see me on the road. I got some dates coming up. Where are you going to be, man?

Well, Phoenix was just gone. That was actually great. That was the first time in Phoenix. I like that. I'm going to be in St. Pete, Florida, Appleton, Wisconsin for the first time ever, Janesville, Wisconsin, Morris Plains, New Jersey, Providence, Rhode Island, Vancouver, Canada for the first time, and then some more stuff. And this is all your headlining.

This is me headlining all these. Buddy, come on, dude. Four years ago, you were fucking opening. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's true. And now you're headlining. I'm also gonna be with Ari in the Comedy Works, Denver Comedy Works. I'm gonna be there that week.

Oh, you're on the other side of town, are you? I'm on the other side of town. All right, let's all get lunch or something. We should get fucking lunch and hang out. We should do something, dude, we should go fly fishing. I'd love that. Genuinely, I'd love to do that. It's not too cold though. But yeah, let's talk about that after. What year is it? I mean what month is it going to be in? February. Yeah, it's going to be the end of February. It's going to be way too cold to go fly fishing.

But we can do something. We should go on a hike somewhere. I think it's too cold to go hike because I said it to Ari and he said we can't go hike. It's too cold. He's like the best we could do is go out of town to ski or something. I don't want to fucking ski. I've never skied, I don't know how to do it. I fucking ski in such a shit rich people. Yeah. I break my knee. Do that shit.

We should do something though. We'll do something stupid out there. Batavia, I love, have you done that club before? Haven't done it. Honestly, one of my favorite clubs I've ever done. I swear, I love it down there. I can't wait to go. They look after you well, it's just a real good club.

Oh, I'm excited down there. I love it down there. They look after you. Well, it's just a real good club. Oh, I'm excited. That's great. I'm doing that. I'm doing Batavia. I'm doing Mothership again in August. I'm doing Off the Hook with somebody called Ui Uiwei. It's not sold out yet, isn't it? Oh, it's going to be.

I got to say, this is what hurts my feelings. If I say his name once what it's just sold out And then the not if I say my name if I plug it on everything sure up until that week They'll still go. Hey, can you tweet something out? Sure that that's the part. I wish that's the fame I wish you get yeah, I just go I have a show here you just read it and it's so it sells out Yeah, that's all I want must be incredible. I want 10 12 clubs that I just go I'm coming back it's sold the fuck out god damn it I'll get there I don't know I've been doing it for 33 years so let's go we have a patreon we're gonna go to we got questions from

the fans for you so if you guys want to be part of the patreon patreon.com slash Robert Kelly go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates and go to my youtube page youtube.com slash Robert at Robert Kelly comedy And make sure you check out column. He's one of the fucking young bucks. That is funny original I feel like I almost wish you around when we were coming up because you're that type of motherfucker So make sure you check out all his stuff. We'll see you guys next. we were coming up because you're that type of motherfucker. So make sure you check out all his stuff. We'll see you guys next.

Oh guys, what do you got? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and come to Comedy at Verbins. Danny, you gotta just put a little more oomph into it. Try it again. Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and come to my show, please. Did you do it worse? Did he do it worse? That was perfect. That was better. Lots of better. That was so much better. Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and come to my show, please.

Did you do it worse? Did he do it worse? That was perfect. That was better. That was so much better. What a piece of shit. All right, Joe, what do you got? Joe Russell cheese show, YouTube, check it out.

Aren't we gonna do a cheese show YKWD? We should. All right, you're gonna bring cheese? Well, yeah, it's a cheese show. Are you gonna dress like some type of cheese thing I mean, I smell pretty bad. Can you wear can you wear fillies? The fillet the Eagles stuff and she puts on cheese stuff from Wisconsin and you call her a fat cunt on the air Do I got to fight somebody? No, no, yeah, sure. Why not?

All right. Well, what do you got? Zacky? Follow me on Instagram at Zachary unlimitedlimited. Please, I have no followers. I need your help. Don't beg, dude. Just say, fall. I mean, they'll fall. Begging isn't... I've been begging for 30 years.

It doesn't work. You understand me? I was on tour with Dane and his Prime. Nothing happened. I was on Louis, one of the only regulars. It's done. I was on Tough Crowd. I was on Opie and Anthony.

They're doing separate podcasts. It's not... I'm not a regular. I'm a regular. I'm a regular. I'm a regular. I'm a regular. I'm a regularars. It's done. I was on Tough Crowd. I was on Opie and Anthony. They're doing separate podcasts.

It's not- You're not making a bad case if begging got me your career and keep begging. Also one more plug. A new show on YouTube called Call for a Good Time where me and my buddy Riley interview sex hotline workers. Really? Yeah. We just filmed the first episode.

It was awesome. It was very, very funny. Okay, great, there you go. That's what I see, that's the enthusiasm I like. Of course, check me out on the bonfire every day, except Fridays on SiriusXM 103 with the great Big Jay Oakeson and also Bone to Pick podcast with Paul Verzi. Just come on that show, man, you'd be great with that. Yeah, I'll do it, yeah. Yeah, we're gonna start having guests, you'd be great with that. Yeah, I'll do it, yeah.

Yeah, we're gonna start having guests once a month or something like that. But check us out in our live show, it's coming up too right at the City of Ruinerie. That's it, we'll see you guys next time and you know what dude, we're going to Patreon right now. You wanna be a member, go over there. Let's go.