Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #582 | Rosebud Baker

Episode Date: April 13, 2025

This week on YKWD Rosebud Baker comes on to discuss the origin of the expression "When an animal see's a robot in the wild" Support the show and start your free online Hims visit at https://www.hims.com/YKWD Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD.

This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, how are you ruining this? Where's the barbana, man? Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show?

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Prescription products require an online consultation with a health care provider who will determine if a prescription is appropriate. Restrictions apply. See website for full details and important safety information. What's up everybody? We were just trashing We're not gonna say who? But I don't know if you guys know this but yes We were just going over people's Instagram videos and fucking Trashing a few shitting on them. Yeah, it, I mean. That's the best part about Instagram though.

Like the best part about Instagram is that it's people's best attempt to look their, they're trying their very best. And then you watch their videos and you go, oh, this sucks. And then, but TikTok, everyone looks like a moron. And everyone's watching them going, oh my God. Like people are like selling out books

because no one showed up to their book signing on TikTok. So you get rewarded for being a fucking loser over there. Well, it's funny to see, they get rewarded for being cheesy though. Hey, hey guys. You know, we're comics and we're so worried about other comics. Yeah.

We're so worried about other comics seeing us go, hey, what's up? But the ones that don't care, that are just like, what's up guys? I'm heading out to fucking Little Rock. Let's get this motherfucking done. You know what I mean? It works.

So it works. It fucking works. Sup guys. Hey guys. Hey guys. What's up guys? I, there was, I'll be honest with you. How's it going you guys?

Rosebud Baker is here. One of my favorites. I mean. Sup guys. Probably when you look at Rosebud Baker is here. One of my favorites. I mean. Sup guys. Probably when you look at Rosebud from a distance across the room, you're like, wow, what an angelic, beautiful woman that God made. Oh wow, thank you so much.

Everybody thinks that by the way, every single person. And then you walk up to that where she's at and she opens her mouth and you're like, oh God, the devil lives inside of this beautiful jam of a human being. Yeah, I go, shh. But it's, one more time. Shhh.

Cully comes and frees. It's like seeing, you know when an animal sees a robot in the wild. A what? I never. They get worried. I don't think that, it's only happened six times. What do you mean, an animal seeing a robot in the wild? Yeah, it did. They get worried. I don't think that, it's only happened six times. What do you mean? An animal seeing a robot in the wild?

Yeah, it did. Well, yeah. That's not a, listen, that's not a. It's like when you see like a human, no, you know what it is? It's like when you see, sorry, I just woke up. You know when you see. I don't know where you go, but I'm, I can't wait to get there.

Remember Whitney, Whitney's robot? Whitney. Cummings. Had a robot. Yeah. I remember Rocky had a robot. No, Whitney had a robot. I didn'tmings. Had a robot. Yeah. I remember Rocky had a robot. No, Whitney had a robot.

I didn't know that. Okay, so. Is that, is that. And every time I thought. Is that the guy she was dating? No, I mean. What can I do for you? There's been a few, but like.

I love Whitney. Before you get caught. Before one of her fans sends it to her. Yeah. When I saw that robot, I was like, oh, it looks like a sick person. Oh, Whitney had a robot of her. Yeah, isn't it?

So that's like- Can I stop you, please? Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna just school you a little bit on this, because you are a beautiful woman on the outside. As a guy, that's Whitney's fuck doll. That's not a robot. That's a-

It's a robot. It talks. The bit was it was a sex doll. It's to fuck. It's not to do stuff around the house. But it talked and it blinked. Yeah, that's exactly the best fuck doll ever. I mean, what do you think we're going with this?

You guys, women, you guys are sitting there going, I wanna jump, I don't wanna do this. Where nerds are, weird science is happening. Yeah. Where someday. I'm gonna tell you right now, I couldn't care less. I'll stop you right there. I couldn't, I, there's nothing in the world

I could care less about. You're like my wife. Than sex dolls taking over for women. I know. I don't give a fuck. I know you don't, and neither does my wife. No one over 30 gives a shit don't give a fuck. I know you don't. And neither does my wife. No one over 30 gives a shit that you guys are fucking robots.

It no no. Have Adam. Leave us alone. Leave us alone so we can stop hanging out and talking about who molested us. No. Not only do you want them to fuck us, you want them to talk to us. Yeah. Go talk to her. Whatever boring thing about the them to talk to us. Hey, go talk to her. Whatever boring thing about the new iPhone that folds open, I don't wanna hear.

I don't care. Stop showing me your clips on YouTube. I don't fucking care. Honey, just look at this one. Look what Cannon said. This is a good, I'm sorry. The number of clips that Andy has to show me. Do you know that my wife doesn't follow me on one thing.

Good for her. And doesn't watch any of your comedy. I'm pretty sure she didn't see my last special and she was there. I'm pretty sure she was talking to a friend. I'm pretty sure, I came up, how was it? She's in the back. She went, good.

This fucking asshole, you know, yep, yep, yep yip, yip, yip, yip. Yeah, where's the check? Yeah. Where's the check? I fucking, it is true, but they are, the robots are coming to where, you were saying something about Whitney's though, we're getting sidetracked,

cause it's eight in the morning. What were you saying about Whitney's fuck doll that you said was a robot? It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. I was basically trying to say that like, when an animal sees another animal that's sick, it goes like, ugh, and that's like the way that I feel around robots and around,

but I don't know what I was connecting it to anymore. You said when animals see robots in the wild. This is your fault because you sidetracked me. I did sidetrack you, but because- You sidetracked me and now you're like, well, what was your original point at seven in the morning? Okay, here's the thing. At six thirty in the morning?

At five in the morning, doesn't matter. But here's the thing, Rosemud, the fact that it's five in the morning and the sun hasn't come up yet. Yeah. Here's the thing, you said it's like when animals see robots in the wild, I said that's only happened five times.

Because we don't have robots. Because I said the wrong thing, because I was trying. But then you brought up Whitney, Whitney's robot, and I was like, Whitney had a robot? And it's a fuck doll. It's not a robot. It does nothing for you. It's a robot that you can fuck.

That's a fuck doll. That's it. It doesn't make you coffee. No, it's a fuck doll plus. Okay, you know what? I will say, it's a Fuckdoll Plus. Okay, you know what? I will say, it's a Fuckdoll Deluxe. Yeah, okay. You're right, it's a Fuckdoll Plus.

It's a Fuckdoll Plus, it's a Fuckdoll Plus, cause it'll keep its eyes open. How bad would it be if you bought the Whitney Fuckdoll, and it's like, what do you think of this premise? It's running bits. Running bits. That's the genius of that fucking robot. I tell you what's up at Whitney though ever since she had a kid she

Balanced out. Yeah, she Just heard talking cuz I you know, you see us all doing our shit, right? Mm-hmm, and she has to you know people like at that level and leaving you you have to you have to put stuff out there That's entertaining to people, you know what I mean? But she's, like, I was watching her clips and she seems happy. I love when somebody has a kid.

And they seem happy. Because it's not about you anymore. It's about them. And it really fucking levels us out as, because we're crazy ego maniacs, narcissistic pieces of shit, but we also hate ourselves. So it's two of these worlds that collide all the time.

And then we have to go out in front of people, but then when you have a kid, it's all about that, and it really simplifies your life. My life feels like severance now, a little bit. When I'm with the kid, I feel like an innie and then Come out and it feels like I'm in a completely different when you come out here. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucked How and then I'll go to work and I'll be it I'll be like asking Chad GPT when I'm gonna feel normal It's not good is that your fucked up plus? It's my fucked up plus.

My therapist is in the Bahamas, which is selfish, but he, yeah, I can't believe he fucking told me that. I was like, don't tell me that. Why, that he's going to the Bahamas? Yeah. Why? Cause I'm like, I don't want to know that you are making that much money off of me. The Bahamas is not that good.

That you can just disappear to the Bahamas for like a month. It's not Turks and Caicos. Well, it's, he's gone for a month, you can take a month off of work. They always do that, and they usually do it in August. So it's better that mine takes the whole month of August off. But that's during the summer,

that's not in the dead of winter. This is like the worst. I'm like, you left during March? What? Well, that's when I'm like you left during March. What? Well, like that's when I'm like the most suicidal. Why? What's wrong with March? You're just taking off in the Bahamas. What are you into? College basketball? I don't know. Why? Why March? Because February sucks, right? February? All right, February sucks. Yes, it does. But March sucks worse than February. Do you know why February sucks? Why? Because we have black history month.

That's why you hate it. Don't throw me. I don't like that you made the racist joke. That's why you hate it. You made it my joke. Such a Keith Robinson move. That's why you hate it. Cause you're racist.

Cause that's why. No, no, no, no. I mean, You're like, well, they took the Black Lives Matter sign away this month, so that was better for me. I'm so happy. Will you put this on your lawn? No. It's a big piece of sidewalk.

Well, I remember Rich Voss, when the Black Lives Matter thing happened, he put a big sheet that said Black Lives Matter on his bushes out front. Didn't even straighten it out. It looks like a Klan sheet. Yeah, I'm like, dude, that's a Klan. Why don't you just put two holes at the top of your closet?

Put a hat on top of it? Jesus Christ. No, I think February, what happens, we have nothing to look forward to. So when, because I, like, you know, you have Thanksgiving, so you start school. Right. Then you have to just get to Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, you just gotta get to Christmas. Christmas, now you have New Year's.

You have these little moments of, February, what do we have? Summer. It's just winter. It's winter, but because you have a kid, what's gonna happen? You get these vacations. What do we have? Summer. It's just winter. It's winter, but because you have a kid, what's gonna happen, you get these vacations. What do you mean? You get February vacation. What are you talking about?

When you're in school. Oh, school. So when your kid starts to go to school, you're gonna have these weeks off, these vacations. Those are times where you're like, we have to plan something to go with the kid. Okay. So like February vacation, what are we gonna do February vacation?

So we'll go up to the tiny house and he'll go skiing or snowboarding. So you're gonna have like more goals to get to so you don't have to go from January all the way to fucking June to get to some type of happiness goal. Right? Yes, yeah.

I mean we have Easter, but that's not, Yeah. That's nothing. I was trying to teach her about Easter, she's not interested. What do you mean? How do you know she's not? How old is she?

She's one and a half. I mean come on, give her fucking a, cut her some slack. I showed her a book with a bunny in it. Did she read yet? I mean she like reads the books with me. Yeah, nothing happens, nothing happens. Nothing's like, she's not putting it together.

Two, three, put the eggs in the backyard or in your terrace. Right. On your balcony. Right. Pfft. I love that you think we got a fuckin' terrace. Oh, you don't have a balcony?

No. Oh, really? No. But you got a nice place. We bought a place, we just bought a place. Did you buy the place you sent me? Yeah. Oh, that's I mean, come on. Come on. That's fucking great Yeah, you have a bat like a backyard area. Mmm. There's like a playground like down the street. Oh, that's fun Yeah, hey, it's over by the needle, right?

Right there the egg by the need don't pick the needle up. Don't pick the needle up. No, no, no That's not shit. That's not shit. Put the needle in We'll sort it out later. Yeah, we have a backyard, so we would go out every, I'd wake up in the, you know, whatever, and put all the eggs in the backyard. He'd walk around and there's always a couple eggs you couldn't find.

You don't talk to Andy about this shit, do you? You don't talk to Andy about having a yard to be good. No, no. Why? Cause he's gonna, he just, he has like, Andy has this vision that we're gonna like move upstate. And I'm like, it's not gonna happen. And why?

Because I don't wanna move upstate. Okay, but why? Cause I don't wanna live there. All right, okay, again. Why? Got it, why? Because, okay. Are these the arguments you have? Cause I said so.

Yeah, 100%. I kind of wish my wife was like that. She's like, I don't know. I just don't want to. I'm like, well, for one thing, we went to go look at a place upstate, right? It was about 3 p.m. We drive up there.

It takes an hour and a half to get like near where your old place was. Right. But even was. Right. But even closer. Yeah. And we look at the place, and then both of us had a spot that night. And I scheduled this so that he would know,

okay, if we lived up here and both of us had a spot tonight, how would we do this? It was impossible. Not impossible. We could barely make it back for our spots. We couldn't, we had to like go back home. One of us had to stay with the kid and then we had to like tag team where he did his spot,

drove back, tagged me out, I went to do my spot. Where were you living? In Manhattan. You were living in Manhattan, what part? Stytown. What is it? Stytown. Oh, Stuyvesant Tower.

Can you not fucking millennial me? That's not a millennial thing. We call it Stuyvesant. You sound like Bill Maher right now. It's it? Stytown. Oh, Stuyvesant. Can you not fucking millennial me? Stytown. That's not a millennial thing. We call it Stuyvesant. You sound like Bill Maher right now. That's not a millennial thing. Well, I don't know. I don't do impressions.

I'll try. Well. You gotta scratch your dick while you're telling the jokes too. He's always adjusting. I don't know. I can't do it. He's always, if you watch Bill Maher, watch how many times he touches his dick.

You would too if you were that thin with a big dog. He's always, if you watch Bill Maher, watch how many times he touches his dick. You would too if you were that thin with a big cock. He's always reaching down there like, keep your, just put your hands in your pockets, buddy. It's so funny because we're all over the place, but it's four in the morning. Yeah, it is. It is. Four in the morning.

We're actually, we just finished spots. Let me tell you something, I was so happy because you're a parent, I'm a parent, I was like, yeah, let's get this fucking over with. Yeah. What, this fucking 10 o'clock shit? Yeah. I'm here at 10 o' a parent. I'm a parent. I was like, yeah, let's get this fucking over with. What, this fucking 10 o'clock shit? I'm here at 10 o'clock some night with these young comics. I'm just like, what?

I haven't eaten. My blood sugar's low. I have a snore pillow I want to get home to. I can't do the riffing with comics anymore late at night. I do my spot. I fucking get, I just get home as soon as possible. It's so tough, we're all over the place. I mean, I had a thought and it was great,

but I was gone. Stop. We started out with trashing comedians' Instagrams, where I fucking- We talked Bill Maher, we talked moving up the stage. Bill Maher went to the White House. Yeah. With Kid Rock.

I know. Is the world upside down that Kid Rock may be the one to unify this country? What are you talking about? You think he's gonna unify us? Of course I'm being sarcastic and I'm joking because I'm a comedian too. Okay, well let's, you know.

Let's not get carried away. It's 3.30 in the morning. Let's not say things we can't take back. No, I'm just saying that he got Bill Ma, who is a liberal, always been a liberal. I know he's kind of going flapping on free speech and woke shit now, but got him and Dana White got him to go meet Trump, hang with Trump for the night

in the White House. And they didn't just, hey how are ya, nice meeting ya, that type of shit. They went upstairs to the forbidden areas. He showed them like, the place where nobody goes. The Lanias room. Check out her, go ahead, grab her by the pussy. She loves it.

Oh Donald, I don't like it anymore, not by the Jew. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, and they hung out. But that's not surprising to me, because if Trump as just like a guy that you hang out with doesn't seem like that much of a reach, it's the president, it's the job that is the thing that fucks people up.

I know, but you have to kind of wait until the end of the thing to see like mathematically what he did. Right. You know what I mean? You can hate everybody, but you have to wait till the end, be like, yeah, he kind of, you know, black people got jobs, people will make more money, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You have to kind of wait to see what happens. But it's pretty great that Kid Rock of all people, Kid Rock is hanging at the White House playing piano, playing like a piano that hasn't been played since the 17th century. And playing well. And he's hanging with Bill Maher, which is crazy, with Trump.

To me, this doesn't feel crazy. This does not seem crazy to me. I just think it's nuts. To me, it's like, who else is Kid Rock gonna hang out with? He was with Dana White, Jelly Roll, I got nine, Burt Kreischer, I got a lot of people, Jay Okerson. Right, right, but all of those people.

He'll never hang out with Jay, he rejected me. They're all crazy, these are all crazy people. But Bill Maher, who has trashed Trump, who, this is the thing that I like about it, because whether you're right or left, I feel like the left will not concede a second. Right. It's almost like Christianity, where it's like,

I believe this, I believe, and that's it, I don't give a fuck. Right. Where, you know, like, well, like they show, I remember they showed this guy going into the Trump, black dude, Biden shirt, going to the Trump rallies. And everybody, all these people, you think, were like, get out of here, you fuck, like get a hose.

It was just like, hey, welcome, come on in. We have barbecue over here, young black sir. You know what I mean? It was like, he walked out like, they're the friendliest people I've ever met. And then you take the same fucking, you know, bro dude with the Trump hat, they will fucking murder him. Some fat old lady will go, I'll fucking kill you.

It's just such a, like, so to see Bill actually, but I'll go hang with him, we'll see what's up. I kinda like it where it's like, guys, let's just chill the fuck out. Even just like, the problem honestly is the internet. That's it. That's like the whole problem. Because, yeah, I mean, even just like, the problem honestly is the internet. That's it. That's like the whole problem. Because you-

It's China. Pfft. You're right. Yeah. No, because we were talking before and you were like, China is a big- I did say that before, yeah. But that was at like two in the morning, you know?

And it's now three. So I barely remember. Oh, did you say you didn't like Chinese food? I don't know, man. I don't know what it was. I'm getting off this combined with it. But I know that it's almost, it's like- I know I said the Chinese.

Right, the Chinese, but we don't know if it was about food. Was it food? Might have been food. Or the country, or the people. Or am I- You said that it's like when animals see robots in the wild. Yeah, and then they think they're Chinese, and then they run the other way.

No, but I, where was I? What was I talking about? Oh yeah, it is the internet. Cause it was like, it was yesterday. We're gonna have to go. Joe Rogan was like, there was like a clip of Rogan talking about how it's bad that people are getting like, you know, thrown in jail that have been following immigration laws and that there's no due process to like be throwing them in jail that have been following immigration laws

and that there's no due process to be throwing them in jail and that this is a bad thing. And there was all these people in the comments being like, you fucking did this. And it's like, okay, what the fuck? He's saying that this is a bad thing. I think we can all agree this is a bad thing. When somebody says something that you agree with,

you should be like, cool. Yeah. And when somebody says something you don't agree with, be like, I don't agree with it. You don't agree this is a bad thing. When somebody says something that you agree with, you should be like, cool, cool. And when somebody says something you don't agree with, be like, I don't agree with it. You don't hate. He's not your dad. You know what I mean? It's like you can fucking forgive him.

You know what I mean? You don't have to walk around your whole life with this. I feel bad for liberals, not all of them, of course, but because they have the same, I feel like they liberals, not all of them, of course, but you know, because they have the same, I feel like they have the same hatred that the Ku Klux Klan have. I feel like the Ku Klux Klan isn't as hateful. Like, I feel like Ku Klux Klan is like-

You sound like, but this is the thing- Let me just finish this thought, and then you can judge me on it. Okay, okay, okay. I feel like the Ku Klux Klan, if you went down there, it was like, you know what, I do like Tyrone. He's a good person.

I like, and I do like Eminem's new album. I feel like they've come around a little bit. You know, and Fubu's a good, I like Fubu. I know it's old. I feel, I just feel like they're not as bad as some of these people who are, you gotta key a car because of, it's like chill. No, you got, this is the thing, it's both of them.

It's like really- Did I just say the Ku Klux Klan is better than, I think I did, yeah. Than Fubo? Maybe I'm wrong. I meant to say the Chinese. What am I saying? I don't know.

Here's the thing, I agree that there's like the extreme liberals on the one side are like, they've lost the plot. But I think the same thing about the extreme right. Right. That you've got them both, and it's like, they're just like internet people that have like lost the plot.

They don't know what's going on anymore. Like I saw- Most of America is like reasonable people. But I feel like the left felt like they had to back up the far left for a minute, right? And I feel like the, like I was a Democrat. I will say that. I was Democrat for a long time and I'm just not anymore

because they went fucking nuts, almost like the Christians did, right? Right. And like back with music and sex. Like the evangelicals, yeah. Right, which I hated. And I'm a religious guy, I believe in God and all that, but that was like, you guys are fucking mental.

But I saw Alec Baldwin was kind of like, guys, we gotta, this is stupid, we can't do this anymore. Reel it in. And I heard a guy did Trump next to him, and he was like, you know what sucks? I probably would be friends with Trump if he wasn't such a fucking asshole

in some of these things. And it's true, it's like, look man, let's go back to fucking hanging out and not being angry. It's like, I don't, look, as a parent, right? I feel like we're pin, pinpoint, hang on. As a parent, I feel like we're focused. Buddy, it's 1.48 in the morning.

You know what I'm saying? And yes, I called you buddy. Cause you have a guy energy. Me and you have'm saying? And yes, I called you Buddy. Because you have a guy energy. Me and you have guy. Yes, yeah we do. We do. I think that once you have,

going back to my original point with Whitney, once you have a kid, you don't have time to worry about the sweat, the shit that doesn't really matter. 100%. And it's like, I just want to make sure my responsibility is that kid. So he's not a racist.

He respects women. He is a fucking good person. It wants good things for himself and his family. That, if you could, you know, I think. The last time Trump got elected, I was like teary-eyed, I was upset. I was, no, no, I never cried. But I-

You didn't cry. You didn't cry when you gave birth. Yeah, exactly. Andy was like- True. I never cried, but I. You didn't cry. You didn't cry when you gave birth. Yeah, exactly. Andy was a kid. True. I never cried when I gave birth. So I didn't cry when Trump got elected, but. Wait a minute!

I didn't. I never cried. You didn't cry when you had your kid? No. How bad was Andy crying? He was crying. He was crying. He cried, I did not cry.

But I also had a hole in my stomach. I had a dinner plate sized hole in my stomach. I was like, I can't really cry right now. Also, my husband and kid just left the room and I'm just sitting here having surgery by myself. Oh, they have to leave because you have to. They had to just sew me up. And then clean her off.

Wow. Yeah. Wow. Did you see it? No, you didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. Thank God.

I don't think I would have felt anything if I did. Now, did you have to do that or was that? No, I asked for it. You asked for it because you didn't wanna fuck. I didn't wanna push for one second. I was like, cut me open and hand me a baby. I don't want one second of pushing. I don't want it to do any extra work.

I literally, they were like, pick a birth plan, and I scanned Reddit, and somebody was like, C-section's the easy way out, and I was like, that's what I want. So they just cut you up and took the baby, gave it to Andy, he cried, you were like, sew me up, get me a coffee. Yeah.

Get my vape, where's my vape? Yes, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was easy. But the point was, okay, because it's now, it's 12.30 in the morning. It's nuts.

We're almost into the day before. Yeah. And I, you know, I was like super upset about like, you know, all this stuff when Trump won the first time. Second time, I literally at 10, at 10 at night, and I realized Kamala wasn't getting elected, I bought Bitcoin stock and I bought Tesla stock and then I was like I'm buying an apartment because I think tariffs are gonna go insane and I was like I need like I need to lock in a rate right the fuck now Yeah, so that that was what I did. It wasn't like business. Yeah, I was like, what do we have to do? Right?

Yeah, you know and I also was like I'm not we have to do? And that's it. Yeah. You know? And I also was like, I'm not, the Bitcoin and the Tesla thing, I was like, I'm not gonna lose everything tonight. I just want like a little win. And then now both of those are in the fucking toilet. But here's the thing with those. And I was talking to a friend of mine, and of course, Lewis Gomez.

Lewis is such a piece of shit. I had all these other coin stock, whatever they're called, cryptocurrency stocks from when it was going nuts. You gotta buy Zizzer, Zapple, fucking Apple Pit, or whatever it is. I bought all these little bits. He took all my stuff, converted it, and then took $1,000 out of my bank account in the app,

and just bought like Bitcoin. He's like, yeah, now you hooked up. I go, I can't just spend a thousand without running to buy my, I'm married, you fucking solo wolf. I can't, I don't have a festival that I get to siphon money out of. I was so, but I talked to a guy, I was so, but I talked to a guy, if they wind up making Bitcoin and XRP a currency, right, if the banks start buying that, like to make it actual currency, it's gonna be nuts.

And if you think about money, when was the last time you took out a fucking dollar? Yeah. I mean, we're paying with our stupid, it's all digital. I walk up to the train and boom, the cab, the ooh bang, it's all here. I order food, it's here. I pay for it. When was the last time you had money that you said,

I need cash? You really don't use cash. You don't use coins. What was the fucking lie? I throw coins, just take it. I don't want it on me. I don't want to hear tinglingling when I take my pants off and have to go find a dime under a bed, fuck you.

So it's like, it is all going in that direction where I think that Bitcoin and whatever the, I don't even know what Bitcoin, I have. You don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. Because it's nothing. Because it's nothing, that's why. Why do I have thousands of dollars?

Fucking Lewis. Ugh. It's dumb, it's dumb. I mean, listen, if the banks start buying it, that's a different conversation, I think. But, you know, right now it's like, he's like starting a reserve, like a Bitcoin reserve, a national.

But here's the thing, a Bitcoin reserve, which he says would act like gold or oil. Which are real things. Gold and oil are real things. Bitcoin is not a real thing. So right now we're, taxpayers are paying taxes. I want you to compliment me on using the word tangible. Congratulations, that was amazing.

As a writer, I said tangible. It was not that big of a word that I thought to compliment you on it, but I'm glad that you're proud of yourself. I was until you made me feel not proud. Well, you're kind of retarded. Okay, great. Fuck, it's so early.

Yeah, I mean, really. We're at midnight now? It's actually, it's not midnight. It's a little, it's a little bit after midnight. Okay, yeah, you came up with after. That was good. Thanks. Barely. I said, buh. So guys, finish your thoughts. So if we have like, if he has, if we're paying taxes on a reserve for Bitcoin, right? We're basically like, we're paying for an apartment that we're storing our fucking dreams in.

Yeah. It's stupid. Right. It's fucking dumb. And until like the banks are, and I get that like he's basically, I think what I worry about is that he's going to put all this like, he's going to get us all invested in Bitcoin and then the dollar is going to tank, which right now Bitcoin is I think based off of the value of the dollar.

So if the value of the dollar goes down, then the value of Bitcoin also goes down. I mean, listen, I don't fucking know how all this shit works, but that's where my mind goes is I go, oh fuck. So now anyone who has actual money is like fucked, I guess? I don't know. I mean, cash is useless. I mean.

It's not useless, because it's digital, but it's still based on the value of the dollar. But gold is, if you have gold and the dollar tanks, that's something. Am I correct? Yeah, but who's,

what do you have, blocks of gold under your fucking, what are you, my dad? You just hiding gold under your house? I have gold and silver. I got gold and silver. I got silver because I thought there's more potential for money if it does go up than gold,

because gold only goes up like this much. This is the problem, and this is where Democrats fucked up, is that they forgot about people who are not rich. So it's like now you got all these people who are like middle-class Voting Republican and Republic and the Republican Party all they ever have ever done is look out for like very very wealthy It's switched. Yeah, you got beyond but it didn't switch They're still doing that and the people who are not making that kind of money are like voting against their own interests even though because the fucking Democrats like they fucked up.

They fucked up and they just they like forgot that poor people are their own fucking identity. You know if you're going to focus on like the blacks and Mexicans and then you got to think about poor whites. Which is the majority of people in this country. Yes. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry guys, that's just the way it is. And here's another thing.

We like a story. Poor people, I'm one of the poor people. I'm not rich, I've never been rich, right? I'm doing better and the best I've ever done, but I've been poor most of my life. My family's never had money. Right. We were 13 of us in a three bedroom house.

Right, yuck. But never felt it. That was terrible. But we didn't feel it. It was just the way you lived, right? That was the American dream. Have a house, have a family, enjoy yourselves on weekends. Everybody works as hard as they can. And then on weekends we have parties

and we have birthdays and we have a good time. And I love that. That's great. But it's almost like we love a story. The poor people love, Obama had a story. He went and spoke at the convention and he gave this ep and they show, and then he's rising up and he's this young black guy,

he talked like the rock and he gave it, and he's hoping, we were like, hope, and can you smell? And it was like, great, and can you smell? And it was like, great. And he got the country together with that. And then it's like, when you look at the Democrats, it's like, they're hiring all these people, millions of dollars to fucking not even talk or perform.

And then you look at Beyonce and Blou, it's like, guys, sorry, fuck you. And then Trump tells a story, he gets shot in the ear and goes, fight! And we're like, that's Rocky one, two, and three. You know what I mean? So it's like, I'm fucking going with the underdog. That's, I think, what happened with a lot of people.

That's 100% what happened, yeah. Yeah, like Hillary, you know the fuckin', just a twaddy, snobbish attitude. But her husband plays the sax, likes to finger fuck chicks in the White House. Yeah. Great, let's go! Come on the curtains.

I'm fuckin' in! It's amazing to me too that we don't ever find it. We're such cattle, we never find anything out, we're just like, oh, right. Yeah. Like the Epstein shit, it was such cattle, we never find anything out, we're just like, oh, right, like the Epstein shit. It's like, I know bad stuff happened, but what happened? Yeah, it's funny to me that like the Epstein, that all the shit came out, and everybody was like,

no, where's the sexy stuff? We wanted video, you know what I mean? There's no video, and like the P.D.D. stuff. Come on. It's like watching a Yellowstone season. Let's go. You can't take a break mid-season to go film six more episodes. Yeah.

The fuck. Let him out for a few weeks. Let him talk. Let him do a fucking view. At least get like a camera in the fucking hall where him and Sam Bakeman are all like together. You know what I mean? I wanna see him and that Bitcoin,

that like wet Bitcoin guy. I wanna see them eat a baby. I wanna see him do some weird shit to JLo's asshole. I wanna see some stuff and they allude to it, but we never get it and I'm sick of it. There's not one video of Epstein Island. There's not one photo of somebody on the island that we get nothing.

I wanna see Stephen Hawking getting pushed across the sand. I wanna see him getting blown on the sand. I wanna see some fucking redhead from Yugoslavia. Like, him going, It takes three people to push a fucking wheelchair on a beach. They just leave them out there? You know how bad you want to get blown?

You're really helping out a friend if you're just having like three assistants push a wheelchair on a beach. And get them there was a nightmare. That's an island with no airport. They had a helicopter in them, like the helicopter from Speed. Just get him there was a nightmare. That's an island with no airport. Yeah. They had a helicopter in with like the helicopter from Speed. Just slow, lower him down. You know one of those Russian transport helicopters. He's just in the wind.

He's got a fucking straw, is wibbling. He's going in circles. He's not speeding out of control. He's trying to, ah. Ah. I mean, all the people that went there, I mean, and it's funny, like Clinton, it's like nothing, dude. I just wish one of these guys would be like, fuck, you know what, I got enough money. That's what we need.

We need one Democrat who went to Epstein's Island to run for president. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And be like, yeah, and have t-shirts. We need someone with like a little dirt on him. Just a t-shirt of the island, the silhouette of the island, like they have Aruba. Yeah. You know it's Aruba, because of the shape.

Just as I didn't do it. Yeah. And then a question mark. I didn't do it. Question mark? Yeah. I'd buy that. Yeah.

I'd vote for it. Fuck it. I don't care anymore. I just want like, I literally buy that. Yeah, I'd vote for it. Fuck it, I don't care anymore. I just want like, I literally just want tax breaks. That's all I want. Yeah, so you're voting for Trump? No, I'm not getting tax breaks for Trump. That's the thing, I'm like, people don't get it.

They're not. But you get loopholes. You do get, it's a great time if you're a fucking scam artist, it's gonna be a big four years. Yeah, it's gonna be, I mean look, I don't fucking. Lewis is gonna fucking, he's gonna be great. For the next four years? Yeah.

He's been great for the last 15. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's gonna, I'm telling you, Lewis is gonna walk out of this next four years, he's gonna be a fucking billionaire. I'm gonna get a phone call. If he plays his cards right. Doggie, I'm not a scam artist, I'm a businessman.

Doggie. I don't like you talking about that. We're kidding, we're kidding, Lewis. I didn't say nothing. We're kidding. We're kidding, Louis. I didn't say nothing. We're kidding. It was her. All right, well, I'll see you at fucking Slutfest

or whatever. It's not called Slutfest. There's no, not one chick there you'd want to bang. Yeah. I think I did a show, I think I did a show there like in the beginning of it. Yeah. Where I think the show was called like Dumb Sluts

or like Dumb Funny Sluts. I don't even know if they threw funny in there. I was like, and I'm like, I'm doing it. That's why I love Skank Fest, it's run by women. People don't know this. I know. It's run by Rebecca and Christine, who are fucking feminist tough broads,

and Lewis of course, those three run it. But Skankfest is... Lewis is the biggest feminist in comedy. What does feminist mean? I don't know. I'm just throwing that out there. Oh, okay. I mean, he fucks...

He just felt inflammatory, I'm telling you. He bangs a lot of comics? I mean, that's feminist. He's doing a lot for women comics. Well, no, I mean, think about Skank Fest. It filled the hole right when JFL kind of- Absolutely did. It filled a big slud hole.

A big, whore-ish, gaping hole. People are so afraid of it. And it's funny because the Skank fans are the sweetest, nicest people. They're so, what's the word, just behind you and into comedy and they just, they like crazy shit, but there's a lot of comics there that aren't really that crazy and dirty that kill and they don't care. No, it's like the only, to me, it's the only festival that exists still that is

just for comics. And, and for podcasting. Yeah. A lot of the other things, like they just do standup and then they'll throw these podcasts in, but it's, it's this, it's almost like podcasting is bigger than the standup at Skank Fest. Yeah. Cause that's where they're coming from.

Yeah. They're coming from our podcasts. Right. And, and, and then we do standup there. So that's what they're coming from. They're coming from our podcasts. And then we do stand-up there. So that's what I love too, because the podcasting, like JFL does podcasting, but it's in a small room, it's in the middle, it's off to nowhere. And when you go do JFL and you go do these other fests,

it feels like you're there for the industry. It doesn't feel like you're there to hang out with each other. You know, like Skank Fest is... I'm not. It's people that are just, that you love, that you wanna be hanging out with. It's a real true hangout. It's just hanging out.

And I don't think there's any festivals that exist that are that anymore besides Skankfest. Also too, they bring, Skankfest does bring an array, it's not just one style of comedy that you think that they might've did at the beginning to get people to do it, but now they invite anybody. There's a lot of different styles of comedy that go, which I love, but like the other festivals,

it is like, I don't know, kind of alternative-y. Where it's like, you know, they have to, this is the edgy show. Where it's like, all right, I'm on that fucking, can't I just be on the funny one? Yeah, you gotta fucking prank me. I gotta talk about my fucking wife's twat. Because I'm, that fucking, can't I just be on the funny one? Yeah, yeah, you gotta fucking prank me. I gotta talk about my fucking wife's twat. Yeah.

Because I'm, you know what I mean? Yes, because of whatever's on the fucking liar. I can't talk that I cry at every animated film my son watches and he thinks I'm a fucking pussy. Cause I can't open up a little bit. Wait, tell me which ones make you cry the most. The stupid one about the roller coaster, the Wonderland. What?

It's a movie about, it's Wonderland I believe it's called, and the girl, it opens up on the beautiful family and the mom and the daughter have this beautiful relationship and then they make a like amusement park on the wall like they make a, it's called Wonderland and blah blah blah. Sounds like it sucks, Bobby. Well, she gets cancer fucking eight minutes into the thing and then she puts a bandana on it and she has to go away. It's a kids movie? Yeah.

Pixar? I think, and then she goes into a car and she's crying and the daughter's running down the street and then you see slowly the stuff falling off the wall and the little amusement park they wonder lands like dying She's not playing with anymore Sounds like you fucking did ayahuasca. I was five seconds in I was just like And then Max looks over and he just covers my eyes. He goes dad. Don't watch this part

He's his mom through and through no empathy Nothing, you can't make him cry unless you take his phone away. That's why Max likes me. Yeah, probably because you fucking, two dead pieces of oak inside. Dead inside, yeah. Yeah. It's just fucking wicker.

He never cries at any shows. Really? I told, I said this on the show before, like a month ago, we're lying in bed and he put his arm around me and he pulled me into him and like held me. And I was like, I just filled up with like joy and it was the best feeling I've felt in my life.

No drug or anything. And I was just like, God damn it. And then I realized I've never in my life, no drug or anything. And I was just like, God damn it. And then I realized I've never in my life have I put my arm around a man who I loved. And I've held him. Held him. And I turned to him and I put my head on his forehead and I was like, son, I'm so proud to be your father.

And I love you so much, Maximus. And he was like, dad, this is gay. He Keithed you. I was like, it's a is gay. He Keithed you. I was like, it's a little gay. I'm living my life through your childhood. You've never known pain. You've had a good life and I apologize. I never had anybody and this made me want to cry.

I'm gonna go watch Wonderland. You want to come? He's like, no. I'm an go watch Wonderland. I'm so excited. You wanna come? He's like, no. I'm an emotional pussy. I cried watching, what was it? Finding Nemo. But I cried at the beginning. Why?

Because they were like, because they lose their, they lose their, somebody dies, right? Don't they lose their first baby? And then Nemo gets born and they're like, yeah, it's like a fish miscarriage. What? They had babies and then a shark comes and eats the eggs.

And then it cuts to like, they had one left and that baby like survives. So the shark had caviar. The shark had caviar. Cause then it lead us piece of shit. Caviar at a fish miscarriage. A fish miscarriage? Yes.

Well, it's not a miscarriage. It's a fish carriage. Caviar at a fish miscarriage. A fish miscarriage? Yes. Well, it's not a miscarriage. It's a fish carriage. It's not a fish carriage. I can't stop. It's not a fish carriage. It's just the, it's the baby. I have a really good feeling.

It's actually, what? What's up? I cried at the end of Space Jam 2. Space Jam 2, I don't even remember that. That's cause he's autistic. Bugs Bunny died and I cried like a little bit he dies dies and then he comes back It was really that he didn't die passed out and he's a cartoon fuckface Christ you are autistic you really are fucking lays down for a nap and you're like he's dead

What a fucking sappy sissy you are taking everything fucking at face value You get scared when you watch Three Stooges. They're hurting each other. Hitting his own ears. No, but I cried because they have the one baby left and he gets born and that's Nemo, and then they won't let him out. He won't let him out, and then one day,

the mom's like, you have to let him, he's not gonna have a life if you don't let him out and that made me fucking sob. Why, what did that do to you? Because when Minnow was teeny tiny, I was like, okay, she's fine because she's with me. I wasn't worried about her being like. Please just say your kid's name again.

Minnow. So it is a connection. Wow. Oh my God. Finding Nemo. Oh it is a connection. Wow. Oh my God. Finding Nemo. Oh, please finish this. I'm like, she's fine as long as she's with me. Andy would be crying, like being like,

is she going to be OK? She's so little. I'm like, she's fine. She's like literally attached to us. Nothing's going to happen to her. She can't walk. Right. But when she started walking, and then I

started freaking out because I was like, oh, she's gonna get out there in the world, and that's when shit gets real, and I have no control over what happens once she's out there. That freaked me out. And that's why you need a god. I have a god. Who's your god?

I believe in god. You do? Yeah. Okay, I'm just kidding. I was just joking. Do you think I'm a godless whore over here? Yeah, I did. Yeah, till was just, Joe, I don't know. Do you think I'm a godless whore over here? I, yeah, I did. Yeah, till right now.

I believe in God. At 11.58 in the morning. I pray. I pray too. Yeah. I do too. I do it. I do the whole thing.

I get on my knees, everything. Here's the... You know, like a whore. I'm a godless. Like a real whore. You're a god whore. I'm a god whore. God slut. god whore. I'm a god whore. God slut.

God slut. It's a new show, it's Gangfest. God sluts. God sluts. No, but it's because with my, like Max, right? He'll be like, he's got an electric bike. And she was like, just get him a regular bike. I'm like, listen, it doesn't matter.

He's gotta learn how to drive, you know what I mean? At some point, let him go. Make sure he wears a helmet and he knows what the fuck he's doing. What if he gets hit by a car? I don't know. What if he's fucking walking gets hit by a car? I'm not in control of the world.

So let him go and he'll be like, well, where are you going? Dude, just don't get hit by a car. Go where you wanna go. Don't die. Yeah, but see, that sounds like somebody that never lost a kid in their family. Well, I don't. I lost a kid in my family.

So when I think about- What? Yeah, my sister, when she was seven, died. Wow. So that's what made me go, oh, fuck, it could happen any moment. How did your sister die? She drowned.

Where? In a fucking, in a hot tub. I talk about this. You've never watched my comedy in your life. But here, she's, she basically, we were at a graduation party for my friend. And my sister was playing. I didn't mean to laugh.

I'm laughing at the, I never watched your comedy. Yeah. I gotta say this. I'm like the biggest insult in all of this And my and my I never watched your comedy. Yeah Like the biggest insult in all of this is Bobby hasn't watched any of my fucking stand-up Into your stupid bit then you talk about his sister you fucking oak tree. All right. I'm sorry. I thought I was laughing I wasn't laughing at you telling me the story Go ahead. I almost spit out my wasn't laughing at you telling me the story. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. You know, I almost spit out my coffee. That's because you're a god slut. It's so true.

So. What a sicko. I can't tell the story now. No, you can't. We're being giggly. No, we're not. Go ahead. She drowned in a hot tub.

She got like sucked into the drain of the hot tub. How small was she? She was seven months, or seven months. She was seven years old. Wait a minute. There's a drain in the hot tub that sucks down? Yeah. And she was seven, who was with her?

My sisters, my mom. It's these drains that basically there was all this legislation done after that basically prevents this now, but that these drains would like take the lives of hundreds of kids a year. And nobody would know. And that's why those signs are up that are like, if you're under 16, don't go in the hot tub.

But it was all because these drains, like it took three grown men, couldn't pull my sister off this drain. Really? Yeah. So like, but so that's the kind of shit where you go like, oh, death is lurking around every corner. You know what I mean?

That just like gets in your bones. And so having a kid now, I'm like, it's waiting. Like it's just waiting to get her. You know what I mean? Yeah, but it's not. I know, but that's the, you know what I mean? You couldn't fucking, you couldn't control, there's nothing you coulda done to,

it just, that happened. Like my cousin Maura, beautiful, like, she looks like you. The hay hair, beautiful girl, she was 20 I think, and like I said, we had this big Irish Catholic family, the Dalins and the Dailies, and they had eight kids, six kids, seven kids, they had eight kids.

We had this massive family in Boston. And I remember she was driving down the road and these drunk kids came up over a hill on the other side, boom, gone. Just gone. And I remember it devastated everybody in the family that this beautiful young girl that had a whole life was in the family, was just gone.

You can't, so it's like with my son, I feel like if I'm like the other parents, like we called a parent to go play at the park, and is somebody gonna be there? Right. Yes, if you need somebody go play at the park, and is somebody gonna be there? Right. Yes, if you need somebody to be at the park, me and my wife will go. Right.

As long as somebody's there watching them. I'm like, mama, I wanted to go, your kid is gonna be afraid of fucking life. Yeah. My kid, go to the park, fuckface, Right. And leave us alone Yeah, have fun. Don't be stupid have common sense and you know be home at this time and keep your phone on you Yeah, so we can track where the fuck you are. Yeah and call you

I have like I'm trying to be more like that because I know that my my instinct is like don't let her outside You know what I mean? It's a in New York, I'm gonna say that. The reason why I love the suburbs, and I love that Andy wants to go to the suburbs, because you do have a neighborhood. You know what I mean? And where I live, it's nice. Like where you were gonna move,

that downtown is the shit. Your kid could just go to the store, get a Popsicle with his friends, give them 10 bucks. They could go hang out, go down to the park, you know what I mean? In New York City, I mean you can just be lit on fire by a maniac, so it is a little more dangerous. Right, yeah, I mean it is, it's definitely terrifying,

but I also, I'm like, and maybe we will move fucking upstate later. Are your kids gonna be such a strong kid later in life? For sure. Your kid's gonna be able to take the subway. You know those kids that never have taken a train or a subway anywhere? Yeah.

Could you imagine that? Yeah. How fucking terrifying it is to like. I remember moving here in my fucking 20s being like, I have no idea how to do the subway and like crying after a fucking. I'm from the 70s and 80s. And let me tell you something.

I took trains and I told my son, like during snow storms, I would grab the bus bumper and it would pull me to school. Just what we did. And I'd be like, yo, Frankie. And he'd jump on and we'd be like, what's up, man? Yeah.

And we'd just take the local town bus. We would do that shit all the time. I mean, look, a lot of kids die that you don't know about. Right. But I think that- Not you. No, not me. Frankie's dead.

But the thing is- Frankie's long gone. Frankie's gone. I actually named my AI, my chat GP, Frankie. You did? Yeah, so I'm like- You can name him? Yeah, you didn't know that?

I didn't know that. Yeah, you can name him. Here, ready? That's awesome. Oh, it's the best, ready? I call him, yeah. I named him Frankie after my, hey, Frankie, what's up?

Hey Bobby, what's going on? Nothing, I'm sitting here with Rosebud Baker. Do you know who she is? Yeah, Rosebud Baker, the comedian. She's hilarious. How'd you two link up? Why is he gay? Do you make him gay?

He's like a he's like a cunty gay. Perfect. Maybe grab some coffee or hit a comedy club. She said that you're gay. Are you gay? Nope. Not that I know of. He's closeted.

All good. Anything else on your mind? No, he sounds offended. I'm sorry, buddy. She's very rude. I apologize. No worries at all. It's all good. You guys just enjoy hanging out. Hey, do you think- I'm going to go back to banging this guy.

I'm going to go back to railing this dude. He's not gay. He's Pam. He's fucking Wayne Brady. He's definitely bi. I'll tell you that. Let me ask you a couple questions now. I'm going to go back to the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was

the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who I'm gonna go back to railing this dude. He's not gay, he's Pam. He's fucking Wayne Brady. He's definitely bi, I'll tell you that. Let me ask you a couple questions now, because you're on SNL again.

Writing. It's on SNL. Okay. You're a writer that I think is harder than being on it, right? There's different things. Why haven't you been in any sketches? Are you ever gonna, is that what you, you don't want that Why haven't you been in any sketches?

Are you ever gonna, is that what you, you don't want that? Or do you want, is that your goal to be on the show? I was in like a cold open once, but I don't think that it would make sense for me to be like a cast member on the show. Why is that? I'm not a performer like that.

Like I'm not a- Actor? I mean, I'm an actor, but I don't, I'm not that kind of actor. You're not silly., but I don't, I'm not that kind of actor. You're not silly. Yeah. You don't have a silly bone in your body. I'm not a silly Billy, no.

I'm not. I can't like access that part of myself. Yeah, you can't get weird. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that like sketch performance is, you just have to... Real quick.

Yeah. Sorry about your sister. Oh thanks. Go ahead. Oh, even more sorry.. Yeah. Sorry about your sister. Oh, thanks. Go ahead. Oh, even more sorry. Sorry I didn't watch your speech. Yeah, thank you. Sorry I didn't watch that.

Thank you. Sorry about that. Because that was a fuck up. I'm gonna watch it today. No, you're not. I'm gonna say it on purpose. No, you're not. I am.

You're not gonna do that. I'm gonna watch it tonight when I get home. Show it to Max. Show it to Max. You'll probably cry at the parts that Max would laugh at. You get emotional? No. Oh, good. A lot of comics are crying in their specials now.

I know, I know. I really wanna throw something at your faces. It's enough already. Look, just- But yeah, so I'm back on it, but I'm writing at update. I'm not on the sketch side anymore. Oh, that's great. Well, that's the best part of the show.

Yeah, I agree. Yeah, it's the best part of the show. I agree. Those two assholes are having fun. Yeah. And you can tell. And when I say it's the best part, I mean, it's the best part of the show. I agree. Those two assholes are having fun. Yeah. And you can tell. And when I say it's the best part, I mean it's my favorite part, but like.

I think it's, I mean my favorite part too, because number one, those guys like each other so much. Yeah. And their chemistry is so good, and they fuck with each other, and Che is just a funny, both of them are very funny, funny guys, but you know, it's a chance to trash everything. Right. Which is great.

And it's like, I can write for Che and Jo's better than I could write for any of the cast members. I didn't know how to write for them. Like sketches? Yeah. You never wrote for a guest? I would try to, but I'm like, I'm not, I don't think in sketches. I don't like, it's harder to write sketches

in a lot of ways. Because you have to get into that weird fantasy silly part of your brain. Yeah, and it's not just like joke, joke, joke. It's like, what would the character do? Right. And that is, to me, I'm like, I feel like we're losing a chance to get a laugh when we get

into that. But were you getting sketches on or were your sketches getting turned down? I was getting sketches on for the first two years that I was there and then the third year I was there, I was getting some on but it was less and less and the ones that I got on weren't doing as well and I was just like, oh, I'm like batting. So when a sketch gets on, right, and doesn't do well, is it like bombing? Yeah.

Do you have the same vibe backstage? Yeah. And the other people treat you as like a- You're sitting next to Lorne. And is he going, oh God. Well, he's literally looking at you just like- Why did you write that? He'll turn to you and he'll go, I hope you're proud of yourself. No. Yeah., he's literally looking at you just like, Why did you write that? He'll turn to you and he'll go,

I hope you're proud of yourself. No. Yeah. But he's joking. He's serious. Oh my God, that's like Estee fucking not being there when she's watching your set and their silhouettes gone. Yeah, it's awful. And you go upstairs and like, hey Estee.

And she's like, oh, Janet Freed. Yeah, she just looks right past you. Right through you. Yes, yeah. Wow. It was rough. I mean, how many times did that happen? I mean, he never said anything to me

that was like really bad. That must be like when an animal sees a robot. But it's also like you can't help but laugh because when he was, wait, what did you say? Must be like when an animal sees a robot. I'm trying to forget that. I'm trying to forget that. Worst analogy I've ever heard. Listen, first of all, it wasn't an analogy,

I fucked up the analogy. The analogy I was going for, which I don't remember, was better than that. Well, until you remember it, that's the analogy. It's like when a robot sees a, an animal sees a robot in the woods for the first time. I meant when an animal sees a sick animal in the woods. What happens with that?

They go, ew, and they run away. They go, ugh. They keep their kids away from it. That is so you. It's weak. Yes. You and Lauren must get along. Honestly, he makes me laugh.

Whenever he would say something that was like, kind of mean, it would make me laugh Like when the first meeting that I had with him we went in and he was like, I'm not gonna learn your names yet What and I was like I just started laughing Cuz I was like, well, yeah, why would you I mean think about all the people that have like worked here You haven't seen anything I've done yet. Why would you learn my fucking name? I don't know. You know? I don't know.

Maybe, that's crazy. I respect it. I get it. I mean, I don't even know. What's this kid's name over here? Does Danny, I know Joe. What's the other guy? Zach.

I don't know his name. There you go. I don't even know where he comes from. There you go. Zach, step the game. Step your game up. Hey, Zach. Ouch.

Zach, I don't even know where you're from. Are you a standup? Yeah, I'm from Nebraska. Okay, great. Didn't know that till right now. Didn't know that. That's what I'm saying. He was just here one day and he was-

It's funny to me that you would just say it to somebody that like, hey, I'm not gonna learn your name until like you earn it, you know? I, it's like- But have you, on the other side of this, have you done a sketch or some joke that you wrote that crushed and you're getting the high fives and the accolades? Yeah, I mean, absolutely, but it wasn't like,

it never feels safe there. You're never like, oh, I'm good. No one's ever come out of that thing, that machine, with a... More confident than they walked in? No, with a, they all come out of that thing, that machine, with a... More confident than they walked in. No, with a... They all come out like, it's tough. Yeah. And it's a battlefield, and it's competitive.

Bobby, I'm telling you, sitting around that writer's table pitching is the hardest, the toughest crowd I have ever had to pitch for. Like, you can pitch something, and if it doesn't do well, you can't even go like, nothing? Like that won't get a laugh. Nothing. If you go, really, nothing? Okay, or I'll kill myself.

No one will laugh at even your attempt to save the bomb. Are they not laughing because they want their bid in? Yeah, I mean, maybe, but also just like, it just is the vibe there. It's like, it's part of the culture. But it's gonna make you so much stronger when you come out and get into another writing room. I've been in other writers' rooms since then,

and I feel like, I'm like, I'm the funniest person on the fucking planet. Like, just getting a little bit of a laugh, because people will give you a laugh, even when what you said wasn't that funny getting a little bit of a laugh. Cause people will give you a laugh even when you're, even when what you said wasn't that funny, they'll give it a laugh. And I'm like, this is fucking free money. You know?

So one thing I will say that the place has done for me is like, I never, what I would be willing to accept as like, oh, that did well before, doesn't do it for me anymore. It brought your game up. Yeah. Yeah, it's like being at the cellar. Yeah. Like performing, going after Attelle, Quinn,

Patrice, Keith, Norton, you know, Giraldo, Louie, it's like, you had to be good or you're just gonna, you're gonna fucking get shit out. Right. When I go to the cellar now, if I leave work to go to the cellar, the cellar feels easy. Right, wow. Like it's...

It feels good. It feels amazing. Right. Like a warm bath. Right. And that's sitting next to Keith Robinson. Right. Which pretty much... The worst person on the planet. Yeah, he's... The meanest guy.

That's actually have to clean him. A warm bath. Some Haitian woman. I'm gonna clean your balls now. I can't do it. I can never do it. I don't know. I don't know. Do it again. Do it again. I'm gonna clean your balls. It's Irish. It's Irish. Sorry now. I'm gonna get your balls clean. Try West Indian. Ah, you're gonna have my clappy clappy. All right,. Pp pp pp pp pp. Ha ha ha. All right, listen, you got a special out and you filmed it pregnant.

I filmed it half pregnant, half. What is half pregnant? So half of it I filmed eight months pregnant, the other half I filmed a year after I had the kid. So funny, because I filmed my special, Kill Box Pregnant. Oh yeah, no, I could tell. Everybody, and you don't get the credit for that. Do you know that my special, you don't get enough credit for that. That special, I was writing this thing with Gary Gorman and Mike Bonfiglio who helped Gary write The Depression,

all that stuff. We were writing this whole thing about food. I was gonna do a whole special on food addiction and we were gonna film the first half fat. And the second half. And the second half skinny. For real? Yeah. Really? Swear to God.

And then, swear to God, we were, I mean, I was in writing meetings on the phone, we were rocking it. And then the pandemic came. Damn. And it just went away. Everybody just went to their corners of wherever they were gonna survive this fucking apocalypse.

Me and Mike very rarely talked again. It sucked. Cause we were meeting over at A24. It was such a great, I was gonna tackle this food addiction thing and I was gonna be fat in the first half and the second half, or I think we're gonna come out skinny

and flash back to the fat. But it was crazy. So I was gonna do the same thing that you did. Yeah, with a food baby. You took my, I had a food baby. You're saying I took your idea. You took my idea. That I just found out about.

I look like I had triplets though. That's how fat I was. You still look good in your goddamn special, son of a bitch. No, I don't. No, that's how fat I was. You still look good in your goddamn special, son of a bitch. No I don't. No I don't. I gained 70 pounds pregnant. What?

70 pounds. How did you gain 70 pounds? How fat was the baby? Eight pounds. So you gained? I was a waterlogged pig. You had 62 pounds? Yeah.

Wow. But that went right away. Yeah, because it was all water. I had to get my stomach cut out. My ankles were like a Tempur-Pedic mattress. You could like press into them. Hey, hey, hey. Look how fucking evil it is.

They stayed. My ankles are the same way, by the way. My sock imprint would stay in my fucking place. Yes, the sock imprint is like, when I think back to that, it gives me the same feeling of like depression. When I just think about the fucking, how I could see my socks after I took them off. I look, I can't watch my special,

I really don't want to close with it, because I'm like, how did you, like look at my wife, I'm like mad at her, like how did you let this happen to me? And why were you with me? Like what kind of fucking psycho are you? That you lied in the bed with me going, brrr, brrr.

She slept easy. She slept easy. Well, he's not cheating. He's gonna die. I'll get this house. I'll move on to a fucking electrician. Fucking cool tattoos and a motorcycle. Yeah.

Slept I wanna be. Yeah. Yeah. Whore it up. She's gonna whore it up someday. We all will. I know, not me. But here's the thing, you guys are so exhausting.

What? That I don't think, honestly, I don't think it's gonna happen like that. That's why I think when men get divorced, they get a new wife almost immediately. They're like, I need a nursemaid right now. It's because you suck the fucking, we meet you, we're taking care of everything by ourselves.

You slowly do everything for us slyly. No, you're doing everything by yourselves poorly. Listen, that's what that's what it is. All of a sudden. I don't know. I don't know the bank passwords. I don't know what I know where anything is. I don't know how to do laundry. I don't know how to cook.

I'm not allowed in the kitchen. I don't know anything. So if you leave, it's so fucking easy for us. It's just so fucking easy for us to do the thing that you just can't do. I used to do it and she took all my skills away. No she didn't, you let them go. Yes I did, I did.

So if she leaves I need to get another broad in there as quick as possible to take care of this shit. And she is gonna go off and live her life by herself and die alone in peace. Yes. She will die alone in peace. So that's, there you go. We're not gonna slut it up.

We're gonna enjoy our time alone. Well, you know, and vibrators are gonna get better and better and they're gonna suck on clits and all this stuff. It's gonna be amazing. I'm gonna throw up. Oh. You don't need a vibrator.

All you have to do is go, hey, wanna fuckin' lick my pussy? And three autistic kids over here, Danny would come over tomorrow. Okay. You don't understand. The problem is that we don't want you in our homes. Yes, I know you don't.

Yeah. Yeah, I know. I know Dawn. Dawn wants nothing to do with me. Yet when I see her you don't. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I know Dawn. Dawn wants nothing to do with me. Yet when I see her, I cry. Yeah. Yeah. Same with Andy.

Yeah, you and Dawn, you and Dawn would be good friends. I know. Yeah. I love Dawn. Every story you told me about Dawn, I'm like, I know this bitch. I know this bitch. Well, yeah, you guys would be fucking, you guys.

We didn't get to hang out as much when we came for Thanksgiving. No, because she was cooking as she should. Jesus. No, I'm kidding. I love making you mad. Nothing makes me happier. Jesus Christ.

Well, you know what I'm happy to. As she should. I know, I know. I can't. You better be glad she doesn't listen to any shit. Let me tell you something. She'll fucking tell me to fuck off in two seconds. She has no problem to go,

hey, she told me to suck her dick once. She goes, hey, suck my dick. I was like, all right, I'm out. I'm out. I really like that. You like that one? Use it on Andy. I will. He'll be like, what, what?

Okay, I love Andy. All right, listen, we gotta go. Your tour dates are here. It's, what's the website, Danny? A rosbudbaker.com A rosebudbaker.com. Rosebudbaker.com. Are you on punchup.live yet? I had a meeting with them and I don't know what happened.

Listen, just get on it. Stop fucking being an asshole. We're all on it. I'm trying to get somebody else on it. Who? Like I'm trying to get somebody else to put me on it. Why? Because I don't want to do that.

You don't have to. Just tell them to do it and they'll put you on. Okay, well check if I'm on it. You are, but your date's up. Yeah, you gotta they'll put you on. Okay, well check if I'm on it. Yeah, you gotta get your dates up there. Well, how do I do that? Who put your dates up here? On your website?

Oh, I do. You do it? Yeah. Why? I don't know. Just put them on there instead of there. Listen to me, when you put them up there, so when somebody goes to your Punch Up page,

where they're from, it goes, oh, she's gonna be here in a week or a month. Oh. Listen to me, when you put them up there, so when somebody goes to your Punch Up page, where they're from, it goes, oh, she's gonna be here in a week or a month. It puts that one first. So it asks, oh, this person's from Wisconsin. And then it comes, oh, your Wisconsin date is coming up in September. And they see that first, and then they see the other dates.

And you know where they're from, and you get their email. And you can- What are they paying you to do this? Nothing. Really? Because I love technology, I love apps. They have a brand new app. My special, my old special,

Live from the Village Underground was on Amazon, just dying. I got it back, I put it on Punch Up, Friday night, now they have a consumer app, they have our app, we can go and look at all the analytics and all the emails and where we're famous and where we're not, right? And now the consumer app, they can go and look at all the analytics and all the emails and where we're famous and where we're not right right and now the consumer app they can go on there and stream my special 8 o'clock Friday right to their phone or

cast it to the TV see it's shit times like this where I'm like fuck like having the writing job is just like so I'm like this is exhausting like I would have the energy to do this shit if I didn't, if I wasn't fucking working 14 hour days. We'll have Andy do it. He's not gonna do that shit. So have fucking Zach, the kid from Nebraska do it. Zach, are you free? Yeah, I'll come work for you

as long as you remember my name. I can do that. Wow, that hurt. You did that. I did that. You did that. I fucking hurt Nebraska Zach. I hurt you Zach and I'm sorry. I'm gonna fucking cry.

Make sure you wrote. Don't worry about me. All right, thanks buddy. But go work for her, she needs help. What gay tattoo is that by the way? What meaningful fucking Indian thing? There's no meaningful thing about it. I literally just was bored during the pandemic

and I literally went to go get like a flower tattoo. It's nice. Yeah. I do like it. All right, check her out. One of the funniest hands down. One of the funniest hands down. One of the funniest hands down

is like the worst compliment I've ever gotten in my life. Absolutely the laziest shit I've ever heard. Will you guys come up this summer to hang out with us? I want you and Dawn to get together. Don't fucking change this fucking subject. I wanna talk to you. Don't try to make me friends with your wife. I wanna be friends with Andy.

I just wanna go over how mean YouTube broads are to us. One of the funniest, hands down. I didn't finish. Hands down, pretty funny. I didn't say pretty. I wasn't done. Cut me off. One of the funniest, hands down, best fucking comedians

walking the planet right now. I'm gonna tell you, let me try again, ready? Rosebud Baker is one of my favorite comedians and she'll be one of yours. Go check out her special. Hands down. Hands. Keep your hands down during her show. You'll never clap at any of her jokes.

You won't clap once. You'll never do this. You might cry. You might cry. She might take comedy away from you. She might steal it. It's on Netflix, which is awesome. On Netflix and uh.

It's called The Motherload. The Motherload. Oh, we forgot to talk about. We'll talk about this's called The Mother Load. The Mother Load. Oh, we forgot to talk about. We'll talk about this. We're going to the Patreon right now. Real quick, we got questions from the Patreon people to ask you. And then I want to talk to you about Andy,

because your fucking scumbag husband was talking behind my back. I know, he told me. Wow! He told me, he said he's coming on the podcast. Oh, listen, here's the deal. He said he's scared. Here's the deal Here's the deal go to the patreon you here with this fucking piece of shit said oh what a god mule in little quim He is with his pal. Anyways, what do you guys got?

Last name Russell first name Joe go to YouTube and check out the cheese show Wow First name Joe, go to YouTube and check out The Cheese Show. Wow. That's stunk. What's that other kid's name? That's stunk. My name's Zach. Just please remember it. That's all I want.

Remember Zach, everybody. His name is Zach. My name's Zach. And make sure you go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly. Check out all my dates. They're up there right now. I'm going to the mothership. I'm all my dates. They're up there right now. I'm going to the mothership.

I'm gonna be going to Mic Drop in San Diego and South, North Carolina to the Comedy Zone, Charlotte. Check out my dates and I shut it down for the summer and I go up to the tiny house. But check out the Bonfire, Bone to Pick, all the other shows. You guys are the best fans in the world. We'll see you next time on

You Know What, Dude?