Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #588 | Colin Armstrong & Connor Daniels | Jackass

Episode Date: May 25, 2025

This week on YKWD things get silly with Colin Armstrong and Connor Daniels. Devon Hall Calls in to review a Bl*wJ*b Machine. Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD.

This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, help me! You're ruining this! Where's the barbana, man? Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does.

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What's up everybody, it's Robert Kelly, we're back at the studios, everybody does that. So weird. Well it's just like, I just wanna know where you were looking. But it's so funny because it's a TV thing, right? But I'm introducing the thing, I should say, I'm gonna talk into this camera, every time I do it everybody's like where the fuck well

I just want to see if your camera was like significantly what would that do? Why would that why would that why would that make it different? Why would you have to look hang on? Why would you have to ruin my close-up opening shot with your goofy head movement? head movement. I've never been on a fucking podcast. I've never been on a podcast with 18 cameras before. It's like the people behind the news. Yeah. Like fucking dancing behind the news. Exactly dude. It's like you know we're filming and you went what? This guy's looking in crazy. I'm taking it in. I don't know. I would have probably done that. You did that last time. Did I? No, I don't.

I'm the only one, I'm the only guest catching flack. No, it happens. It happens every time I do it. I need to start saying I'm going to be talking to that camera. Welcome everybody to You Know What, Dude. We are here at the Comedy Cellar Studios. Stop looking. This is your camera. That's where you look.

Don't look in it. Don't look down the balcony. It looks weird. Look at me. Know that that's there. That's yours. We've got a very fun episode coming up. I mean it was supposed to be funner. But it got... You fun episode coming up. I mean it was supposed to be funner. Yeah

But it got you know life happens God God God took one of them out and I believe AIDS took the other one out Yes, you have been a long battle the B team Danny Please tell us the show we have but please tell us the show we were supposed to have first Well, the guests we have are we have we have Danny, please tell us the show we were supposed to have first. Well, the guests we have are, we have, we have, Danny, please tell us the show we have, but tell us the show we were supposed to have first. The show we were supposed to have was gonna be Connor, and then Devin Hall and Keegan Tindall. Right, which we've had on before.

Yeah, it's a great combo. I mean, I mean, one of the fan favorites. I mean, I believe you said the fans called it the new... Oh, Jesus Christ. My wife's having sex with somebody. Hopefully. Just letting you know. I believe the fans called it the new regs.

Yeah, the fags. The fags. Oh, that was the name? I didn't know that. The fags. The fags. The faggs. The fanooks.

That's who we're supposed to have. But tell us who we are having. Now we have Connor and Colin. Yes. We have the, I would say not the engine of the car we were supposed to have, the doors. You need the doors. I was thinking bumper stick. You don't need doors. The doors are good too. I've had a Jeep with no doors. It was fun. How about like wheels? We give you the wheels? I would say the wheels. I would give you the wheels. Okay. Really? Yeah. And you need wheels. One time my rims and tires got stolen and I couldn't drive it anymore. True. That's true. Yeah. You need wheels. Yeah, exactly. But more importantly, I think you need the wheels more than the engine.

Yeah. Because when the engine dies, you can still push that car somewhere Well, exactly first you guys are the most important part of this show The we now that we figured out that we're the wheels heels. I know it's important now what happened now I believe Keegan got a leading role on a sitcom Yeah, I think he's in Marvel or something. Yeah, no what happened to him? What's going on? You're like a meeting with some people to try to get a lead role in a sitcom. Really? No, I don't know.

Danny, what do you think happened, Danny? It was a meeting of some sort. Well, I think he had a meeting with WME or some agent or something. What he wanted me to tell you is that this is beneath him. That's what he wanted me to do. I mean, he actually didn't even need to tell me. He told me that

By saying yeah, dude. I'm gonna go meet an agency. I hope they dump them. I Hope they take him to the top and then fry him all the way to the bottom. I really do I shouldn't use the word fry, but I hope Danny I'm sorry That's Danny's friend. I don't want to... I apologize. What happened with the other drag queen that was supposed to be on? What happened to her?

She woke up very sick. She woke up sick of what? Yes, she woke up tired. Sick of what? Measles, mumps or something. Her career? Yeah. Danny's doing better than her?

So the original show, the three roommates, but information, Colin used to be their roommates at Rucker. Oh yeah that's right. Back at Rucker's. Way back today. Oh you were the original one before who? Fuck. Before me I guess? Yeah and then I moved out cuz you know getting older can't live with five guys. Now I live with two guys. Which is way more mature. Yeah I think so. Just a distinguished kind of guy now. Are you in the same area? Oh yeah, like basically neighbors. What is that?

It's like Jersey City. Jersey City, so you Danny, so Danny, you moved to Jersey City because all your pals were there. Yes. Now Danny lives on his own. I know, it's impressive. It is impressive.

Yeah, I wish I could do that. Well you will be. Thanks man. If you want to. Danny, I think Danny's leaving the YKWD No, yeah, he's out going Danny. Why he's not I'll tell you why can I just sum it up? Yeah, Danny was never supposed to be the producer of the show And somehow he got in it

I mean not at this moment. We telling the Danny story why would you come in for the photo fucking paparazzi is that what you wanted I do this every episode I know you do but not in the middle of a sad story the the ending of Danny all right I'll wait and Danny Danny is just you know know, you know Danny. I know Danny. You know Danny. And when, you know, he's a stubborn little, and he has, he has-

Were you gonna say Jew? Was that- No, I'm not gonna say Jew yet. I was gonna save that for the end. At the end, it's the grand finale, Danny. You know, he doesn't know how to tell people anything. He doesn't know how to tell you, but he'll slowly make you hate him.

Oh, okay. Until you have a blow up and then he'll be like, I didn't wanna do it. And you're like, well why don't you say something, I'm afraid of competition. This is like a breakup. I am so fucking mad at Danny that he isn't on a drive. It makes me sick to my stomach.

But he will, he's like, I don't need to learn. He's like, I take buses and trains and planes, I'm fine. It costs you way more. Way more, but he's willing to pay for it. And Uber is like, you know, it's about the same. Now look, we gotta find somebody to produce the show. Joe Russell is gonna take over, which is great,

because Joe's, I love Joe. Joe's an easygoing guy, but I also let Joe stay at my house. I would never let Danny stay at my house. I mean, the amount of sweat on my bed, I'd have to throw the mattress out. Danny, I'll buy, I got that mattress for you, by the way. Thank you. Well, I can't give it to you, because you're not the producer anymore.

I let Danny stay at my house once, and he came into the living room, and he just wasn't wearing a shirt. Yep. And I was like, that's not going to fly. Can't fly. There's people that other people live here. You can't be doing that.

That's pretty punk rock, Danny. It's not punk rock. Pretty punk rock. Have you seen him shirtless? Hairy. I haven't. Buddy, it's been a little bit. So we're going to have to get another producer.

Definitely. For the show We're gonna ease him in because with Danny would Danny will literally sit in a burning apartment And be like why didn't you leave I didn't know well I just had this conversation with my buddy Franco that all with my air why is Franco not here the point It's a good point well Franco all all winter the entire winter November December January February yes my air That's a good point. Well, Franco, all winter, the entire winter, November, December, January, February, my apartment was freezing, and I chose not to call

the landlord, or the guy, because I would rather be freezing than have to talk to my landlord. Danny, I've been trying to teach you for the last, how many years have I known you, three? Yes. Teach you how to fucking be a fucking man. I've tried to teach you how to stick up for yourself We've had fights

Right. Yeah, I'd beat you up. What we had fights. I know what First of all, you don't you you don't fucking tell people that I Wouldn't I tell you what fighting Danny would be a scary thing He's definitely like spat like spazzy like well because I think that all the stuff that's ever like even even the stuff like the No heat in the winter that rage that he felt that he doesn't have it in him to talk to somebody to get heat Well Colin almost beat me up once Colin who I didn't I didn't almost oh that guy once. Colin who? I didn't almost.

Oh that guy? What did you think my name was? I know your name. That's the bit dumb. He just called Maddie Smith Maggie the entire podcast. Maggie. Hey man, I'm old. So go ahead Joe.

I was, we were talking about like how I would be a barker or something. And everyone was doing like, oh I'd bark like this. And I was like, I'd bark like this. And they'd do like a thing. And I was like, I'd bark like. Wait a minute, stop, stop, stop. What? What was their thing? Just like, ah, you know?

They'd be like, I'd bark like a silly goose. Let me hear. Like, hey. Let me hear a little bit. I mean, it wasn't my bit. Okay, no, but let me hear a little bit. So Danny's like, I'd bark like this, please. You know, something like that.

Yeah. That's how Danny would bark. Okay, that's good. And then I was like, I'd bark like this. And then I like took his shirt and I like got really up Close to him and he's like too much too strong. Don't do that I don't like this. He had like an autistic meltdown. Oh my god. Sorry. Sorry. Oh, you can't touch him

Like I forgot that he yeah, you couldn't do that. Okay. Oh, yeah. I Danny's one of my favorite people in the world Yeah, he's one of the my favorite people that's ever worked on the show with me Yeah, and I love him how creative he is. And he'll run a bit with you, he'll go over stuff with you, he'll come up with ideas. He's the perfect producer for this podcast. And he's also the perfect guy to bring on the road.

Him and Joe are the best to bring on the road. They're just great, good guys, laid back, manners, not douchebags. And they're not fucking, they're just great, good guys, laid back, manners, not douchebags. And they're not fucking, they're not like, gimme, gimme, gimme. You know what I mean? They're not, what's that word I'm looking for? Danny?

Needy? No, Jew-ey. Jew, yeah, there it is, Danny. There, I told you it was coming. There it is, it's coming. Be patient. I told you, be patient. It's coming, dude. It's coming. The it is, it's coming. Be patient. I told you, be patient. It's coming, dude.

It's coming. The Drew Bell. It's coming. I was wondering what that bell was for the whole time. Drew Bell. Used to be the black bell. Fisher. Times have changed.

Times have changed. Used to be a queer bell. Yeah. Devin just plops in a number. Hey, I'm not sick anymore. I heard I was. He comes up here, he's heavy breathing. Yeah, sorry. Holy fuck, it's. I ran here. I heard I was doing it. He can't breathe. He's heavy breathing.

Holy fuck. I ran here. Here's what Danny will do. Danny will literally let this podcast just fall apart until I go, what the fuck? I don't do this. I never want to. Well, why did you? Oh my God.

He'll sit in a burning building. So he's for sure you're quitting? He's out. We're going to get somebody. We're going to get, Joe's going to take over, right? I'm going to help ease the transition. To who? You guys want to do it?

They're still fleshing out the details. Here's what we got to do, Joe. One day a week, we got to do one day a week where we do all the shows. Or one week a month where all the shows get done. So we're done. Yeah. Right?

Then I'm gonna bring out that fucking big red cone every day. I mean, you don't have to bring that out anymore, dude. We could set up a different setup. It wouldn't be the show without whatever the fuck that thing is about the red cone. It's the Will lamp. It's the Will Sylvain's the Will self-defense lamp.

It's a lamp, it used to light up. Anyway, so there you go. Danny, you're almost there, kid. Gonna get there. I can't believe you're quitting. Yeah, he's a quitter, dude. He's a quitter. He's a quitter, but this is the good part.

He took up poker, so he's got a new career. Well, that's good. That's my fault, I think. A career he literally went good to have he goes all I can think about is playing poker He went from fucking being queer to magic yeah, which is queer Comedy, which is even queer to now a professional autistic poker player That's gonna be kicked out of every casino. Danny could count cards. He's just running through the casino. They won't let his face at a table.

The second they find out he's doing magic, they're gonna kick him out. Yeah, is that, did you get him hooked up to it? I did, I would do a poker. Isn't it weird though? I mean, it's, I mean, it's just funny, funny to me that he. Danny's situation.

Well, we gotta get him out of here. He's just... I gotcha. Because here's the thing with Danny, he's a stubborn little fucking... You know what I mean? He's stubborn but conflict avoided. He's a stubborn little... Yeah, stubborn little...

For sure. Yeah, I'll put this out for anybody who wants to say something about it. Thanks, I appreciate that. We'll be getting there. Yeah, it's tough, you know what I mean? Yeah. So he doesn't know how to, and when you do these, this is the problem when you hire comics to do anything,

at some point, they're going to be like, yeah, I have a gig. You know what I mean? He's torn with it. Tell now, this pussy. Yeah. Oh, OK. You know what I mean? Moving on.

Yeah, he's moving on. Danny, what are you going to do after this? Do you have anything else? Suicide. He's going to do it. Don't kill yourself. Because if you kill yourself, then that's moving on. Yeah, he's moving on. Danny, what are you gonna do after this? Do you have anything else? Suicide. He's gonna do it. Don't kill yourself. Don't kill yourself. Because if you kill yourself, then that's my fault.

Yeah. And I don't want your mom calling me, why did you do it? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Louis' fault. Louis? Louis Gomez? I was trying to do a bit. Did he tell you to kill yourself?

He should really just keep reducing. Yeah, you should stay here. You. You. Feel free, guys, I mean, it's right here. I mean, I? He should really just keep producing. Yeah, you should stay here. You. Feel free, guys. I mean, it's right here. I mean, I'm going to. I just need to.

Yeah, and you make it real. Don't just... Yeah. Just unrelated. Just smack it. Yeah. You know. Hey, Colin, who controls the media?

Black people. There you go. Yeah, but who controls the black people? Ding. Ah. Ah. So yeah, anyways, so yeah, there was a, it's so funny too, because I'm such a Boston guy,

and he's such a Jersey Jew. He just sits there and fucking wants, all he wanted to do was go back to his computer, and I was like, look at me. We're having this conversation now, Daniel. He doesn't want to have the conversation. He does not want confrontation. You really did just break up,

like you just started to just be distant and distant until you make them break up with you. And he doesn't mention it to anybody. Well then also the entire conversation, Be distant and distant until there was a you know until you make them break up with you Well, then also the entire conversation. It didn't help that downstairs Connor and Colin were texting me 45 times We were gonna talk about trucks yeah going to talk about all the truck stuff. We kept saying we were going to talk about trucks the whole time. So we were like, Danny, we're forgetting our stuff about trucks. It's just a truck fact.

What the fuck? Truck fact. Trucks have three wheels. No! Fuck! That's fucking wrong! And then every time I tried to text him going, hey, give me one moment, you'd go, look at me, look at me!

Well, because I'd be talking to him, you don't know if he's looking, if you guys are texting him or his autism's kicking in. He just looks, I need a screen. I need to look at a screen, that little blips on it that I really can't see unless you videotape it. I was like, what the fuck, dude? Let's have this conversation, you piece of shit. No, but Danny is the best.

I love Danny, He's my favorite. I love Joe, my favorite. The two of them. But he's got to move on. Now too bad it's going to take a year to find somebody else. So Danny, buckle in. Because you're not leaving for a long time. But the problem was You're not going anywhere. You're staying back there and And you're pushing buttons, you little fucker. I'll murder your family. The other problem with replacing me

is you want me to find a replacement. And I'm failures at that. I'm not able to do anything. The problem with Danny is he gives up on everything before he, do you know what I mean? Like he'll be like, I don't do it good. Like his whole thing in life is that I suck at everything. You know what I mean?

Like one show, one bad comedy show, he'll quit this business. Oh yeah, he was gonna come to our poker night once and he's like, I'll bring like 50 wings from this really good wing place. Sure. And then I found out that instead of doing that, he got the wings and was like I just gonna eat the wings

what makes Danny untarable also makes you love him the things that make you want to throw them off a building is why you want Danny around. Okay, eat the wings. Everyone's first impression of Danny is like, ugh. And then you're like, just hold on. And then two months later you're like, I fucking love Danny. But then after that there's the... You want to hit it. You just went like, yeah, can I do it? Danny, we'll find somebody, but it's going to take a minute. I uh you want to hit it

Danny will find somebody but it's gonna take a minute. So can you please do a favor? I'll stay until then. I just want people to fix the printer You know what we want to have the printer until we get you don't have to fix the printer But you could pass it along to people that could get it fixed Danny's gonna be here for Danny three years Here's the thing. I'm gonna say this Danny does this the print is not working to say this. Danny does this. The printer's not working. So Danny would just go, hey, the printer's not working. And someone will type back, all right, I don't know how to fix it.

And they'll be like, I tried. I did all I could do. I did all I could do. And it's just, all it is is problem solving. Hey, Bobby, I did this and I did that. What else should I do? Well, why don't we try doing this? OK.

Well, how about I get a new printer? A printer, what does a printer cost? $13 now? It's not like it's 89 when printers first came out. Here's a question. Why do you guys need a printer? Because we print out, so before the show, Danny, this is why Danny's the best. Danny would come up with all these things that we would always, he'd call me up on the way here, dude, we should do this, we should do that. I mean, it's a little more, when we have more than one show in a day, it's a little tougher to do. But usually when way here, dude, we should do this, we should do that. I mean, it's a little more, when we have more than one show in a day, it's a little tougher to do.

But usually when it's one show, we're doing a live show. Like Tuesday night, we did one, you know, we shoot on 8.30 on Tuesday. Yeah, Tuesday, where we have the guests that we care about. First of all, I was very excited about this show. I was very excited about- So was I, Danny. No, no, not this show.

The show we were supposed to have. The other two. Okay, yeah. This show was kind of, meh. I'm very excited about... So was I, Danny. No, no, not this show. The show we were supposed to have. This show was kind of... I'm a little part of that. I'll take a little credit. I'm one wheel of that. It's really hard not to be offended right now. I'm trying, I'm trying. But, um... No, but, you know, he...

I mean, he'll come up with these, we should do this, and we'll throw... He's great. He's the best. And we have a piece of paper that's like, hey, I got these, we can do this, there's a little bit. Yeah, he has great bits. Like, you know, one time we were talking about, I was on with Ethan Suppley, who lost like 500 pounds. Oh, the American Historic's guy.

Shredded, and we were talking about food. Then we started talking about motadella. Then we started talking about these motadella sandwiches they have in this village. This piece of shit just went and got fucking, and then threw them on the table in front of two fat asses. And I was just like shaking. I'm like, what are you doing? And he thought it was hilarious.

And it was. Did you guys eat them on the pod? No. I couldn't, but I wanted to. You should have. Did you end up eating them or did you end, I couldn't, but I wanted to. You should have. Did you end up eating them or did you end up just throwing them away? I took a bite.

I didn't take any, but he did, right? No, the bit was that he couldn't have it and he wanted it, but he couldn't. That's right, he was on something. Then I forced them to not eat it, but look at it. And after the camera closed. We didn't eat it. No, we ate it.

Locked. I didn't, they ate it. You can tell Danny ate it. Look at his shoulders. He looks like a fucking muttadella. So yeah, that's why we need the paper, the printer up here. But the point wasn't that, is that Danny, when Danny got flushed this morning,

because the path was, we had to be early, because we were trying to get him all out so we could take a, I try, when Danny got flustered this morning because the path was, we had to be early because we're trying to get them all out so we can take a, I try to get weeks off because Danny doesn't like, you know what I mean? Oh, I get it. But I'm like- No, weeks off is for you.

Well, weeks off is for you too, right? I guess. Do you like it? Yeah, I like it, you're right. Okay, so it's for us. But you said it for me. But it's for you and me. Okay, sure. It's for us. It's for us. Joe, it's for Joe too. Okay, so it's for you, but you said it for me, but it's for you and me Okay, it's for us. It's for us Joe. It's for Joe too. No Joe can go fuck himself. Okay. Yeah, you're right. Fuck Joe

What's he gonna do? He's not he's a knocking confrontational fucking I didn't even know you're a No, he's not he's not he just looks like a So he's just a Autistic yeah But so Oh, okay. So he's just a autistic. Yeah. But so, um, yeah, this morning he's like, uh, you know, he canceled, he canceled, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, Hey man, let's all right, whatever. We're trying to figure it. Let's just do it. You know, we'll fucking do it. I mean, yes, did we want to have the

whole crew? That'd be fun, but we're fine, let's do it. And he's like, yeah, we should just do it. I'm like, okay. And then he comes, they shut, the path is closed. I have to take an Uber. It's $10 million. And I'm like, I'm on a train, but I can't talk. I just want to go, dude, who gives a fuck?

Just do whatever you're gonna do, I got you. I got you, do whatever you gotta do. And then he's like, I'm like, isn't there another train station? But that's far. I'm like, he's like, that's over there and then I have to go over here. And I'm like, well, doesn't the path take you to the same place? Just offering no solutions. What's keeping you from having these hard conversations with, with Bobby and everyone? Yeah, Danny, what's going on, man? I don't... What's going on?

I mean, we can get into the therapy reasons of it. I'm scared to talk to anyone about anything. Why? Why, Danny? Because I'm going to hit the bell. I want you to do it. Bell is getting significantly weaker the more we do it. But I know, like,, you guys, you guys,

you guys really out on the bell here. Also, I love talking to Danny and I'm looking over here like it's the fucking Wizard of Oz from Bobby's big head. Bobby's big head. It's Danny talking about his feelings. Yeah, Danny, I think we got to figure out a different way. I want you guys to be involved in the show. But I just like this little window back there.

You just see Danny's eyes, which I think would be creepy to people. Just to see. Just the overwatcher. You can't do that. Danny. Yes. Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. I. So yeah, I think this morning he got overwhelmed trying to get here and then all these fucking people cancelled. What's his name?

Forgot to take his prep. Yeah. And he got the 24 hour AIDS. Yeah, the 24. It's not a death sentence anymore. It's not a death sentence. I would suck if he really did have AIDS. Yeah, if he really did have AIDS. It's not a death sentence anymore. It's not a death sentence.

I would say if he really did have AIDS. Yeah, if he really figures it out, he'd be like, fuck. Yeah, we had to do a Devon podcast. No, I think if Devon had AIDS, he'd be like, well, I'm going to lose some weight at least. He'd be fucking stoked. Yeah, what are you going to do? Oh, wait a minute. Fuck. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Okay, so we have a video of Devon. Yeah, it doesn't seem like it's not.

I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving.

I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving.

I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not We have you're not leaving. I'm not leaving right now All right, you're gonna get some I'm gonna walk out right now Yeah, it doesn't seem like it's not I'm not saying I'm not saying for the two p.m. It's gonna stay for a while We're under he's here for a year over under well listen. Here's the thing based on this conversation I look I love working with Danny. Yeah, and I believe in Danny Yeah, when he doesn't believe in himself and here's the problem with Danny, he doesn't communicate and then that frustrates.

I would rather hear a no than a maybe. I'm a communicator. I like fucking. You just wanna know where you stand, what's going on. Your hair is fucking so. So. So. So.

So. So that's what I want, just someone to tell me I got dumb fucking hair. Yes. Don't say your hair might suck. Yeah. That's cool. I've tried quitting seven times. The problem is I say I'm quitting and then he goes, okay, and then nothing happened. Then I'm not, then I'm, that's it. Then nothing happens. And then I guess I'm still here. I can also see that where Danny's like, I quit.

And then Bobby's like, so where are you? We're doing it. You're supposed to be here. Not yet. Not yet. Then he's too much of a pussy to be like, I quit and then Bobby's like, so where are you? We're doing it. You're supposed to be here. And then he's just too fucking of a, then he's too much of a pussy to be like, I quit. He's like, okay, I'm actually 10 minutes away. We're gonna get you outta here.

Thank you. In a year. In one year's time. In one year's time. One year's time. It's like a prison sentence. Colin, good luck. I'm not fucking producing. I can't have him do this. I just don't fucking like it. No way, I can't afford his food. I feed these two fucking on bread. So anyways, you're gonna

get up these stairs. That's the only reason I don't want to do it. I can't do it. The stairs are the fucking nightmare. I'd have to move the going to get up these stairs. That's the only reason I don't want to do it. I can't do it. The stairs are the fucking nightmare. I'd have to move the podcast to the actual cellar. Yeah, exactly. Okay, here's the deal. So I have some of my glasses. Did somebody spit on me? Might have been me.

Might have been me. That's right. You made me hungry. I don't know what to tell you. Okay, so here's the deal. We have Devin. Danny took home a blow job machine. It was a sponsor of the show, Auto Blow AI Ultra.

Great sponsor of the show, and I suggest getting one if you really wanna, if you're home and you can't go out to a fuckin' suck and fuck bottom party on your- Pump and dump. A pump and dump? You got one of these. You just pump and dump right into this thing. to a fucking suck-and-fuck bottom party. Yeah. On your- Pump and dump. A pump and dump? Yeah, yeah.

You got one of these. You just pump and dump right into this thing. Right into that. It's beautiful. So Danny gave his to Devin to try out. And this is the video. And he thinks that- all right, we'll just watch the video, right? You have anything else to set up on this, Danny?

That's it. Okay, here we go. Just the guy with the towel. The guy with something in a towel. This is insane. It looks like a guy mouth. Look at that. Devin's pretending to be upset. It doesn't have any human warmth but it also doesn't have any human reflexes. Like the worldwide might be taking our jobs. This is for people who live alone or with their partners. I can't sneak this through my apartment, get it to my shared bathroom,

and use my roomate's toothbrush to clean it every time. It's just not practical. At the top settings, it's a little loud, but luckily two of the loudest people on earth just put out a podcast. That's not funny. That's not funny. That's not funny.

That's not funny. That's not funny. That's not funny. That's not funny. This thing plugged in, which is funny, I gotta tell ya, I think the future, I'm not gonna say anything. I was not particularly impressed. Listen, the culture's changed. Like if I made this video in 2020, I could have your company shut down. Now I'm just kind of begging you to make the selection bigger because gay might be illegal soon. And this is the closest I'm going to be able to get to it. But don't worry, I'm going to send you an email.

I have a few ideas. He's eating yogurt. He jerked off in his eating yogurt. He couldn't go the video without eating yogurt. Gay boy shit. Go back to that. Go back to that. Go back to that. I want to read that.

He gave recommendations. Email. I have a few ideas. There we go. What does it say? Read it. Hey, guys. Pride Month is coming up.

And I thought it'd be fun to send you a few ideas on the new content you may sing. He sent the email to them. He actually sent them to military classified Military classified, Gunnar Joseph. Oh, what is that? Fratman sucks. Scattin, wow. Military classified is a real.

I guarantee they're gonna put these on there. I guarantee. This company is gonna flip out at that and love this video. I hope he tagged them in this video. Can we put that up so can we put that up on my thing please put that on my Instagram ASAP make this happen and then tag tag my date this weekend because everybody loves you know twice

all right so anyways I gotta keep these knives away from fucking Gonna keep away from so but he so this was last night was when he used it and he told me to tell you That he thinks that the machine the fact that he's very sick right now. He thinks it's a chance the machine give him AIDS Well, yeah Yes, you should me. Yes. He texted me. He's like I'm like you want to hang out He's like, oh, I'm actually trying to sneak a blowjob machine into my apartment. Yeah, and I was like, you know This is as usual and then It is car and I'm like the blowjob machine is the second depressing thing about

How does he fucking call and send it to me. We'll put it in a post. It's disgusting. I thought gay guys were supposed to be neat. Well, I remember when we lived together, my mom was like, oh, gay guys, he'll be clean, right? Like, this is not, that's not the scenario. You moved out too.

You're gone. No, we just used to be in the same room. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh So it was just a really gross room. Really? Yeah. Did you bring girls back? No, I had a girlfriend at the time Yeah, I'm gonna get too jealous. Well, I remember Devin we were talking about well, like I had a girlfriend and he was like I'm an incel so it just kind of like it was a great roommate dynamic Straight guy with a girlfriend gay incel And honestly, it was pretty fun. We played video games all the time. Yeah sucked each other off Yeah, you know, I'm a while. Just fun games. Just dudes being guys.

Just hey, boom, boom, I win. Exactly. All right. Well, can we call him, Danny? I called him before, and he sounded horrific. Let's see how much, let's see what type of AIDS he has. Do you want me to send you his number? Don't I have it? No? Yeah, send me his number. I have it. Or call him. Might be able to call. what type of AIDS he has. Do you want me to send you his number? Or don't I have it? No.

Yes. Send me his number. Or call him. Might be able to call. Yeah, I can just call him if you want. I call him. I probably want to answer for me. He won't. I mean, you know, he'll see me and just go, ah. But if you call him, he'd be like, ah, I got to answer. Have to.

Go to the speakerphone. Yeah. OK. Put it up to the microphone so we can hear it. Dev, you all right? Can you hear Bobby? Wait, what? No, I didn't hear that. Are you okay? Are you all right? What's wrong? Oh, yeah, I'm all right.

I'm okay. What happened? Dude, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Bobby? Wait, what? No, I didn't hear that. Are you okay? Are you all right? What's wrong? Oh, yeah, I'm all right.

I'm gonna tell you. What happened? Dude, I had a little bit of a sore throat last night, and I was like, oh, fuck. So I took Nyquil, and I woke up with a full-on fucking fever, and my tonsils are fucking the size of testicles. That's a nightmare. I mean, that is definitely what like beginning aid sounds like Do you think the blow job machine did you did you drink out of it when you

Clean it with your mouth How was it Did you did you ejaculate Yes, did it did it did it go quick or slow? Well, it went pretty quick. So I think that there's kind of like any instrument. There's a bit of a learning curve to it. So it's designed where you can up and down the speed and intensity and stuff. But you ever try not to nut and then I'm to like quickly push the minus down, but it got me Oh, yeah

So you've fucked up on the timer Devin got a blowjob from a real gay Asian man the day before had to compare I Don't think he heard me, because I'm too far. Sorry, if someone said something, I can't hear it. Yeah, Danny has said, the producer of the show for the next year, Danny said, Danny said that you got a blow job from a, I don't know why he said gay Asian guy,

he could just say guy, but he wanted us to be descriptive. He's wrong about all three of those details. Yeah, gay we know, because he's blowing you. And Asian we know, because he's blowing you. That's your thing. Was he like Puerto Rican or something? Was he Puerto Rican or Asian? He was Puerto Rican.

Or like some kind of Dominican something. I don't know. I mean, what am I, a fucking eugenicist? While he was blowing you, he asked him Well, well they while he was blowing last time his name. So why you he was blowing you He you said you asked him his name. You didn't know his name Well, yes There's a funny moment every time you meet up with someone on grinder we're like and I like to do it after because I find it funny or like

Basically, like, you know, you've done whatever you're you're like cuddling, and then I started laughing, and he looked at me, he was like, what? And I go, by the way, what's your name? And he said, dude, I'm so happy you asked, I forgot too. You feel like you remember? I love gay games, those are so fun. Was it better than him? Yeah, he sucked it, He was not good at head.

He was not good at head. What? No, he's like, he's like, like, he's like new to it and by like, you know, you gotta give him a little bit of like a, like a, like a, like, how do I put this? He has a small mouth. Like Joe List. Like Joe List. Yeah, that could be about a piece you'd have to avoid if Joe List? Like Joe List? Yeah. Think of the amount of teeth you'd have to avoid if Joe List was blowing you.

Jesus Christ. That's terrible. That's like sticky ridiculous. You know, and he's all confused because his father's gay the whole time. Right. Okay. So it's not as good. So you did have a good time, but it might have gave you some type of weird aid.

Some weird fucking South American where this piece of shit was fucking manufactured. Well, now the question is are you going to use it again? No, like here's the problem. It gets covered because it's... Come on. As soon as you said that everybody in this room went yeah right. I mean, I can't I share a bathroom like I would have to walk out into my kitchen and risk running into to clean it out. It's just it's not worth it. It's not that good.

What about the towel? Here's what you do. You take it out of the you can take it out of the thing. I know. And then put that in your office. You can take it out of the thing. You can take it out of the thing. You can take it out of the thing.

You can take it out of the thing. You can take it out of the thing. You can take it out of the thing. You can take it out of the thing. You can take it's not that good. What about the towel? Here's what you do. You take it out of the, you can take it out of the thing. I know. And then put that in your underwear, like it's your hog. And then walk to the bathroom, and then clean it and put it back in. Can I tell you? No one would believe that visual.

It was like 13 inches long. No one would believe that. I don't think we should give Devin another thing he has to clean. I was scared when I gave it to him that I was going to lose him as a friend. Yeah. Danny said he's scared when he gave it to you that he was going to lose you as a friend. Yeah, no, I understand the fear.

It's impractical. If I could clean it in my room, yeah, it'd be a problem. Why don't you get a bucket? If you just get a five gallon bucket at Home Depot, yeah, get one of those little scrubber things fill it up Just throw it on the floor your car and roll the window down let it dry off Fucking shithole that you drive hanging out the window. I show them the picture of your car. Yeah, you fucking slob clean your car All right, well listen feel better. Thank you. We hope you don't die. Did you watch the video? I mean, did you like it? We loved it. It was great. I want to post

it on my Instagram. All right. All right. Rad. just call you pumpkin? Yeah. Um, so yeah, I feel bad. I can't believe he fucked it. Yeah, he did it. And got sick immediately. He went through with it. Yeah, I mean, here's the problem with sex toys with guys. It's the jizz. It's the jizz. They haven't figured out where we need to be able to jizz in something and it cleans itself.

I mean, the, just the jizz rags when working for, since the cavemen. Yeah, but it's not. You could go, but with the sex toy, maybe if they had like a, some sort of, like, it's like, shape it off and then you could throw it away, like a little pack or something like that. Like at the end there's a, yes, like a, like a can cup. Yes. Exactly.

Thank you. This is why me and you, we got to team up on this sort of thing. You're the innovation. It is true. You have to come up with the fucking, the Nespresso version of fucking something. I looked up-

Someone get some engineers on this. Yeah, we got top minds. I looked up the blowjob machine on eBay, and there was one that was you could buy and used, but without the sleeve. Oh, that's right. Now, because you- You could buy and use?

See how great produce you are? You just add another year. You just add another year. Who else is looking up that? Who else is dealing with that? Come on. So if they could make the sleeves disposable, then it's easier.

They're almost there. I love that it's like a blowjob machine. Yeah, but you can't make the sleeves disposable because it's so expensive to make those things. But you could put something that goes around your stuff, right? Yeah. Dude, you can't have a blowjob machine and wear a condom. It really ruins the point of the blowjob machine. But here's the thing with the blowjob machine, right?

When you're using a condom for a vagina, you need, because you're pumping really hard. For sure. Right? You're pumping hard. Speak for yourself, but yeah. Exactly. Exactly.

So you're mediocrely pushing it in and out very slowly. I call it a piddle, but. Trying not to have it pop out every five seconds. So you pump it really hard and if the jizz comes out, you get a girl pregnant, you're fucked, right? Yeah. With this thing, you don't have to worry about you're not getting anybody pregnant.

It can break if it has to, right? But you can make the condom, Danny, a little lighter, like thinner. Oh yeah, I mean that makes sense. So where it's like the thinnest condom you could have, but inside of it is a lube. Yeah. Yeah. So it's just the, and then when you're done, you come in that you pull that out. Nothing touched the fucking right back on the shelf. Yeah. There's gotta be like maybe call it a jizz jacket. A jizz jacket, a thing.

Danny. Um, I don't think so. Try typing it. I mean I didn't ask you for your opinion. You have a magic box in front of you. This is the... You understand? This is what I'm talking about. Hey, is Jizz Jack in a thing? I don't think so. Personally? If you're asking me personally, I don't think so. Hey, is Hitler still alive, I don't think so

Hey is Hitler still alive I don't think so But I mean then but this thing in front of me says he's living in fucking Argentina I mean, but I don't know Danny. Here we go. They got a jizz jacket No, that's just a fucking that's just a jacket with jizz on it. You fucking asshole. That's what came up I looked up jizz jacket. Alright. I need a computer. I mean, Danny really... New fashion statement.

This is what Danny does. He sabotages his job because he doesn't want it. If Danny worked at like McDonald's, he would burn his own hand in the fryer later. He'd literally go, ow! And the guy would be like, why'd you do that? Because I don't know how to do this. I don't want to be here. I don't have to. The path was late.

The path was late. They shut the path down. How do I get to the place I can see from here? How do I get to the place right there that I'm pointing at? Mister, can you pick me up and carry me? How do I get to the place right there that has six other things that I could take to get there? He goes, there's a boat but I'm not going to get there by ten. Alright here we go.

Alright here we go. Jizz jacket. Ready? I'll do it. Jizz jacket for sex toy. That's the way you got to... it's all the way ask. Master Series Jizz Shooter Silicone Dildo Lubricator. Whoa. Bam. I got it. It's on Amazon. Devin tried that out too. Oh that's not it. That's just for Deon. It's something that you can come in and shoot in his mouth. That's nice. It's a wrench.

Dude, everything's already been invented. That's large and clinical. I don't know. I would have never guessed that that's a thing that exists in the world. I'm going to send this to Danny right now. I've got to make sure I send this to Danny right now. I got to make sure I send it to the right Danny. You're at the doctor. They pull that out.

Oh, wait, sorry. This is for my other patient, sir. Let me grab your syringe. Coming dildo. No, that's, oh, these are all dildos that come. Oh, that's exciting. That's exciting for him, not for us. Jizz jacket, jizz shooter.

I don't want a jizz shooter. Did I write the wrong thing? Jizz jacket. I wrote it. I've already searched up. For, what is it called? Blow job machine. Blow job machine.

Job machine. All right, here we go. Ready? Here we go. Male sucking masturbator, automatic male. What? No, I mean, I can't, I gotta stop. I can't, this is disgusting.

Oh yeah. Yeah, they gotta figure out I gotta stop. I can't, this is disgusting. No, yeah. Yeah, they gotta figure out the gist. Yeah. That's it. That's why women have all kinds of sex toys. Yeah, they got a bunch. We really don't. Also, it's just like, they can just do that.

They clean it up. It's not like gross. Yeah, but they don't have, they don't shoot stuff out, right? Yeah, I mean, depends, you know. I don't know. Depends who you're asking. Yeah, it's kinda gross, right?. I don't know. Depends who you're asking. Yeah, it's kind of gross, right?

It's kind of gross. What, women? Women are gross, man. I think we should all go fuck Devin. Straight up. How funny would it be if we were all that funny, but we went over and just fucking jumped on him. Just fucking barged in his room.

This is for the Patriots. How fucking funny is this? And we're all lying there while he's crying. We go, hey man, what's your name? What's your name? Just real quick. I'm so glad you asked. I'm so glad you asked because I didn't know you was...

I also didn't know it was dark in here. And then I find out it's my pals. They were the ones who bodged in and fucked me. Okay. That would be funny if you had... If you were straight and you had a bunch of gay friends and they did that to you one day just to kill you. Pranked you. Yeah, just like straight guys would fucking, you know, maybe throw you into waters.

Like gay guys would be like, dude, you just woke up, they were all sucking you off. Idiot. Oh, look. A-Ry. You're hard as fuck, dude. Yo, you're in Mike's ass, yo. You idiot. Fucking homo.

And you're just like, ah, no, no. Hey, hey, Tom, you want to go on a hike Thursday? I don't want to go on hikes with you guys anymore. Yeah, we'll stop when you stop getting hard. It's their viagra in this. Fuck you guys. Got you again. Dumbass, dude.

Got you again. Dude, it's so funny. Dave molested Tony last night. Dude, last night we all sucked Danny off. Yo, that's yours. He woke up, he was so pissed. He was like, you're fucking kidding me. Because he came in everybody's mouth.

Each one of us, dude. Dude, it was nuts, dude. Fucking freaking the bell at the same time. Wow. He was fucking fighting so hard, dude. It was so funny. It was so fucking hilarious. Did he cry? He cried, totally.

He always cries, yo. He cried because his girlfriend walked in. Oh, no way. And we were like, we're just kidding. We're just kidding. It's a joke. It's a joke. We wore condoms. It's fine. It's fine.

It's like the jackass thing. They're outside the door. I'm Bam Margera and we're going to be fucking our friend Devin all day today. He's taking his shit. they start smacking him and fucking... We're gonna be fucking our straight friend Tom all day today. Today we're gonna be fucking sucking and fucking our friend Danny all day. And then I'm gonna get... I'm gonna spit into a party party and lick it.

Welcome to Jackass my name is straight Mike and this is the gang bang you know the running with the bulls in the first scene it's just a bunch of guys with their dicks hard with their dicks hard. Ah, it's running out. Is the midget, when they catch him and they just start sucking him off. Pick him up. Get him airborne.

That's funny. Jesus, we just came up with a whole new fucking thing. Jackass five was different. Jackass five. Get out of the theater, jackass five. Oh shit. Yeah, I guess five What did you say Come on You were joking around it's a prank it's sexual hilarity they signed the release form we could do whatever

Speaking of a release form I Can't wait till we find out what really happened at Gimmie's. He took a fucking 40 minutes to get that. Is that another year after your fucking- It's gonna be here forever. Damn right, Danny. So I had it like-

That's why you're here. I had it ready two seconds too late, but at that point it was already too late So I was like, let's make it 45 seconds too late It's funnier to make it actually like that's why you're the producer of the show That's why you're taking over why KWV in five years Did Joe leave no he's here Did Joe leave? No, he's here. Oh, okay.

He's making up fake questions right now because the Patreon people didn't write any questions, so he's right now making fake questions that we're going to pass off as real questions to the Patreon. Oh, so no Patreon questions for these guys? No, but we're going to have fake ones that we're going to pretend are real. Well didn't you just say that on the show? Oops. I mean, listen, you just say that on the show oops, I mean listen use that use that another year

Keep it up you fucking Oddly personal and targeted like hey Collins one on the wants to know, why do you still owe Danny $35? Well, the Diddy trial is coming up, and I can't wait to hear. We're getting Diddy on next week. He's actually going to start producing from now. I can't wait to hear the fucking evil. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, how much are we gonna really know though? Okay, you know what I mean? Like how much let's guess right now. I'm guessing yeah, I'm guessing he fucked kids

Yeah, I think so, but I don't Another year! You're never leaving the show! Danny, you are fucking killing it. That's what I'm talking about Danny. You proved yourself man. You're fucking in dude. You're fucking in. Just being so scared at a coffee shop, whenever you do that. Can we do this next time, Danny?

Yeah. Danny. Danny and Joe. Yep. All right, we get the camera, and we gotta have a camera on you guys over there. Okay? And we get rid of this shit, right?

The, my face. Yeah. Because it is frightening. We get rid of that, we put the camera on you guys, so you guys are in part of the show when we have these guys on, yeah? Yeah, that's great. And then we just have these guys on for the rest.

We don't have any more guests. Just simplify. But we add the guests to this. So we add Maggie Smith, what's her name? Maggie Smith. Maddie Smith, I love her, she's the best. Can I tell you, why KWD should be the four of them plus whoever the guest is?

If we do the four of them plus whoever the guest is. Biggest podcast in the world. Let's do it. That'd be so funny. And then Danny. We get really proper guests too. People who are. And then we fire Danny.

He's like, no, no, no, no. This is my idea. You said he had five more years because of that fucking jackass bit. Danny. I love you, Bobby. I love you too, man. This has been a beautiful arc. It all came from fucking Devin's come. The origin of all life. Like most things in life. They can be traced

back to Devon. It's like planet earth. Just a close up of a messy room and a pile of jizz on like a table. The comm sits waiting. Evolution has not yet taken its course 12 p.m. natural waking hours for Devon the Taco Bell sauce mixes with the cum and life has started yes we used to think life started from atoms but it turned out Devon's cum, Devon's C we found the origin of all life. I mean cancel the next show.

Just add him on to the next one. Just add him on dude. Just please add him on. Guys, will you stay for the next episode? Please stay. Just stay. Alright, stay. Like Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Now Devon's come. A lot of people thought. I uh. You put cum rag at me. Ah, that's a bomb bandana. But a lot of cum has been on that. Cool. Cool. Good. Yeah, Devin is just a fucking. It's getting so funny. Me and Keegan have an intervention on him like every three days at this point. Why? Now do you guys check on Danny at all? We also had an idea to have a fake intervention for him because he has a lot of problems but he's not an alcoholic but I thought it would be very funny to have his friends and family and everyone like ex-boyfriends and whatever come over and just make him like a we can

give a drinking problem but he doesn't have a drinking problem. Who's going to learn Spanish to get his ex-boyfriends over? Just with a small mouth Spanish pin. Someone's gonna have to get a Tinder account. It's not like he keeps a gay journal. Dear diary. Dear diary. Paco came over again.

Still has a small mouth, but it's satisfying at this point. I come to you sitting in my parlor room. I watch Paco as he leaves. What a delicate boy. And it makes me sad, but I'll never tell him that. He keeps an eye on my refrigerator. He might be hungry. Should I offer him an apple or a pear?

Not that I have fruit. Or perhaps a taco. Yes, yes, a taco. There's a little jizz on it, but he won't mind. Or perhaps a taco. Yes, yes, a taco. There's a little jizz on it, but he won't mind. Or a mini pizza. No, I want that for later. No food for him.

No food for anyone. Except for me. Except for daddy. Fucking Devin. God damn it. Keegan did not put me in the sketch again. What happened? That's the next journal entry. Oh.

Yeah, I got it. Yeah, Keegan doesn't use him, huh? Devin is, I don't know, he's like, I don't think he likes doing it. Why? I don't know, he doesn't like, he's just, when he acts, it's just, he feels weird. Really?

Yeah, that's what I think it is. Well is cuz he can't he acted pretty good at that thing But that was yeah, but this is like different. It's like right a pod. Yeah a pod It's a pod a fucking pod pod. Why do you why do you talk boss? I don't I just feel like just feels good Whenever you're around I'm like, I'm fucking fucking Bobby if you were black If you were black you should see what he would do you know what dude Danny LeBow was doing the other night he got he got kicked he got banned from what club was it something in somewhere I don't know the Comedy Store I think it was with the Comedy Store to get banned from the from what club was it? Something in somewhere, I don't know. The Comedy Store, I think it was.

Was it the Comedy Store? Did he get banned from the Comedy Store? He got banned from- No, New York Comedy Club. Oh, he got banned from New York Comedy Club. No, no, no, no, no, it was- Eastville. Who did?

Eastville. Eastville, Eastville. So he got banned from Eastville Comedy Club because he called up and said that on New Year's Eve, he called up as a black dude and said that- Who was it? Chris Tucker. Chris Tucker was coming down to do, he's like, yo man, Chris is coming down.

And they were like, okay, well we'd love to put him on. Nah, I mean, he does an hour and a half, it's Chris Tucker. How you doing? And they were like, they're like, all right, well they canceled the whole show on New Year's Eve. And they posted Rush Hour over to Eastville because we have a special guest Oh, you just did this just decided to do this is Danny LeBow this other comedian

Yeah, man, I feel bad guys I'm a level with you guys Yo, man, I don't know if Chris is coming, so put those guys back on the show. But he might come, so you never know. So keep his face open. When he does come, he's doing an hour and a half. So he didn't own up to it, but he was like, this is a good middle ground. He told another comic and that guy ratted him out.

Oh, that's fucked up. They banned him from it. What was the comic's name that he said he was? Chris Tucker. Oh, the black guy. Yeah, that's fucked up. They banned him. What was the comics name that he said he was? Um, Chris Tucker. Oh, the black guy. Yeah. What was it? Boom boom. What was it? Yeah. I don't remember. Chevy boom boom or something fucking funny. Tracy Morgan. Um, you just deducted a year off. That's the bandana.

You just deducted a year off your salary. That's the bandana. All right, you got three months. Anywho, fucking A. You have a girlfriend, right? Not anymore. You're running down the stairs. They're running back up the stairs. The Keegan and Devin are coming up the stairs. And you're stuck in the middle.

Then we Scooby Doo door it. We're going to different doors with dicks running out. I'm looking out of a door and there's just hard dicks running. But you're just scooting out of the way. But everybody's right behind you. Everybody's looking at camera. One time I get out and I'm heavy breathing and then I have like a disguise. I'm like, go that way. They went that way.

Obviously you're sitting there and someone hands you a cigarette. Thanks. You look over and it's just me and my cock. We all run back with our cocks. Anything we see the eyes move. Wait a minute. It's a two way mirror. It's like me with my dick out. I'm like doing this. I was viewing the moment. The movement. God damn it. The wall rotate. A painted on wall or something. Like an escape. So uh. I don't know where we go from this part. Danny, we're done, right? Um we're at yeah fifty. You can go uh a couple you know we can go into plugs. Oh here we right, let's get into plugs while people come.

Where are you gonna be, dude? I don't have any, but go to my Instagram, Connor Daniels 91, post comedy sketches there. Connor Daniels 91, that's mine. He brought mine up. Oh, yeah. He didn't bring, Connor Daniels 91? Why 91?

Well, it was 99, but then I had this crazy girlfriend when I was like 14, and she figured out all my login stuff, and she would delete my Instagram every time she would catch me like flirting with a girl, and I was so stupid, I was like, Instagram's deleting my account. Like your big shadow band? Yeah, exactly.

Because your stuff was too edgy? Literally, that's what I thought. I was like, what the fuck? And then every time I'd make a new one, I would just use the same password, and she'd do it again. Wow. So it was like 99, then it was like 999,

and then it was like 93. 99, pay that. And then I got to 91, and I was like, fuck it. I guess 91. I don't know. But yeah, so that's why. So there you go. You dumped her, right?

Yeah, that's been a while now How about you know, I'm 25. Okay. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, okay For sure all 25 year olds. I so check him out. Of course, and what do you got there? I'm in a Colin Armstrong with two G's at the end No ex-girlfriend story and one L in the colon one Ellen Colin I'm headlining in Connecticut in June where the elbow room is that what they call it when you show up there's no elbow room the no elbow room they have a big no plastered

on when you talk on the side the sign of Big N.O. Yeah, I'm doing that. I'm doing heavy breathing comedy the next week. Yeah. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ah, shit.

OK. So that's you do in the elbow room? You're the elbow. I'm going to call up and say Chris Tucker's coming. Oh, man. Chris Tucker's coming down. That fat ass motherfucker. That's such an evil thing to do, though. And nobody's done it where they keep Oh man, Chris Tucker's coming down. That fat ass motherfucker. That fat ass motherfucker.

It's such an evil thing to do though, and nobody's done it where they see, if you call a club on the way, yo, Chris Tucker's coming down. If you did that to a club and they fired the comedian, you kind of know where you're at. Yeah. If this weekend somebody called up,

it was like, yo, this is Eddie Murphy's manager. He's coming down, a mic drop this weekend somebody called up, I was like, this is Eddie Murphy's manager. He's coming down to mic drop this weekend. And I got a call like, hey, Eddie's coming down. We're going to still pay you, but you can stay home. Oh, got it. That's probably going to happen to me. Well, you think Eddie Murphy's going to come down? Well, you know, it's just it'll be like.

He does love elbow roof. They're going to be like, Devin's coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah just it'll be like he does love elbow We're gonna be like Devin's coming Danny where you gonna be? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and I'm gonna be headlining at the Port comic club in Baltimore May 25th How'd you get that gig? because of you Bobby No, I'm kidding You got it cuz yes, you know why you got it Danny, I'm kidding. You got it because you know why you got it, Danny? Because I'm a...

Also, you didn't plug your dates. Yeah, I'm gonna be in Morris Plain. I'm gonna be at the Dojo, the great Dojo, the sixth and the seventh. Then I'm gonna be in Portland. What? Yeah, wait a minute, where did my other gig go? I was coming out after. Yes. And Portland, Maine. Okay, so there you go. And then that's it until October. I'm not gonna be working, but who knows? Stuff might fly in there. You know, I always pick up some gigs in the summer. So check that out at punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. Make sure you too. Joe, what do you got? This is Joe Russell. You can catch me picking up the slack on this podcast as Danny slowly leaves.

I mean, Joe, Joe, Joe. I know that you're Switzerland on everything. I'm going to ask you a- Chocolate. I'm going to ask you an opinion right now. I should have said cheese. No, I'm not even going to ask you. I don't want to talk about cheese.

Gee. God damn it. All right. So I think we just every week have these fucking assholes on. Yeah. You want to do that? So good. Danny.

It's so good. And I want the audience to know that if it doesn't happen, then that means Bobby changed his mind the second the cameras went off and he goes, hey, Danny, you got to let him know that I it doesn't happen, then that means Bobby changed his mind the second the cameras went off. And he goes, hey Danny, you gotta let him know that I was just kidding. Joe, I want him out of here after this show. I want Devin producing this podcast.

You get him whatever AZT he needs and you jam it in his asshole. You make him drink it like he drank that cum. All right, and of course go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly if you want to ask questions I mean nobody has these guys and follow follow Devon as well follow Devon follow Devon Hall Devon Hall Devon Hall on grinder download the app and if you're if you're a gay man go blow him go chase him down if you see him in the app and if you're a gay man, go blow him. Go blow him.

Go chase him down. Give him a blow. Yeah, if you see him in the streets and you're gay, chase him down. Run at him full speed. I want all of you to run at him. Exactly. It's Evan's in a coffee shop and he just hears, hey, can I get a latte? And he just hears in the background the music.

Oh no, not again. What if it happens all the time to him now? He's exhausted. We should do it. Or the barista's like, yes, sir. It's like, oh fuck. No. They know.

Anything for you, Devin. He's at H-Town. What is that fucking stupid worldwide grocery store near you guys? H-Mart. H-Mart. H-Mart. You go there?

It's H-Mart. And it's not, we're right, it's just Asian, right? Yeah, it's like Asian. They used to have the worldwide one over there. It was like the whole world. The grocery store. Oh, like the Epcot of grocery stores? You know, Patrice lived in Jersey City.

Yeah. OK. Lived right over there, right where you guys are all living. Patrice lived in Jersey City. Yeah. Oh, OK. Lived right over there, right where you guys are all living. Do you remember where he lived? Yeah. He lived over by the park, over by Grove Street. OK, by Grove. Address, please?

449 Sycamore Lane. What unit? It was B4. Wow. That's where we live. You know the park over there? Yeah. Yeah, he lived right over there. Oh cool. PM Don, the guy who was in that, the fat dude in that lives over there too. You know they have a music festival in the funeral every year by there? There's a, not a funeral, a cemetery. There's a cemetery. Oh yeah,

there is. It's called Goat Chella. What is it for? Music festival? They just bring a bunch of goats to eat the grass in the cemetery and then they bring bands and stuff. You're fucking. At the cemetery. People's dead bodies are below it. It's crazy.

It's very disrespectful. There's someone in the 1800s who died there who's like, I hate this. This is, the future's weird. I'm so scared. They're still using goats to mow lawn. It's like, nothing's changed. How nice.

Still using goats to mow lawns. Alright, we'll see you guys. We're going to Patreon now. We're going to be asking questions that weren't asked to these guys. It didn't end up because he's a great producer. You just add another year. You're back, Alon. He's back in.

He's back, baby. And of course, check these guys out. Check all my guys out. Check us all out on all our stuff, our social media, and like, subscribe, and comment on everything. We'll see you guys next week. Oh, and you know what, dude?