Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #591 | Yannis Pappas | Frisbees

Episode Date: June 15, 2025

Yannis Pappas returns and they talk his new special and History Hyenas coming back Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Support the show and start your free online Hims visit today at https://www.hims.com/YKWD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD.

This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, how are you I'm ruining this. Where's the barbana, man? Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show?

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Prescription products require an online consultation with a healthcare provider who will determine if a prescription is appropriate. Restrictions apply. See website for full details and important safety information. We're back, it's me, Robert P. Kelly. Patrick, if you're wondering. We're at the Comedy Cellar Studios

above the world famous Comedy Cellar for one of the longest running podcasts with comedians on planet Earth. Did I say most successful? I did not. I said longest running, which counts, not at the bank, but in the hearts, the hearts of comics all around the world.

Anyways, we are here today. I got a very special guest. One of my, I don't know, fucking longest friends. I've known him as, we've known each other at different, like success, failure, success, failure, top of the thing, and then back down, and we always wind up back at the same place. What the fuck are we doing with our lives?

Janis Papas is here, who's, I mean, one of the original guys on this show. And you, this is the thing you came on. You would come on with the regs. But you made it yours. You would come on, we did all the fucking Flood City. We did, what's the word, Yannis? Let's be Yannis.

Let's be Yannis. Let's be Yann. Let's be Yanis. Let's be Yanis. We had a sign, we had all, I mean, you came on and fucking took over. That was 13, 14 years ago. Can you believe? I can. Can you believe? 14 years ago.

14 years. We look good, Steve. We still look good. We look good. We look good. I mean, you've always kind of looked good. You got the chain out, baby. I kind of went up and down a little bit. Yeah.

You always look good, though. I'm back. Yeah, it was weird. I had a, I could pull off chubby. Yeah. Weird. You might be, this might be the best I've ever seen you look. Can I say something?

I got more girls that would be into me. Yeah. Go off a bit, I love my wife. Yeah. It's still nice to have girls into me. God forbid, I love my wife. Yeah. It's still nice to have girls in here. Listen, it's so nice to have girls in here. More girls into me when I was fat. Really?

I don't know what the fuck's going on. I don't get it. Now, what kind of girls? Does that matter? I don't know, does that matter? Well, were they also? Fatty bumbaladies? Were they Fatty Bumbadies?

Some of them, which I like, but no. No, I wouldn't say no. I'd say there was some, you know. Do you think that's why it's so hard for guys to lose weight? Because women aren't really superficial. If they were more superficial, there'd be more pressure on us, and then we would be in the gym like they are, making sure they look

good. Well, I think women are superficial. A certain type, look it, I've never been with the smoke show. There's a level that I've never gone above by choice and by, you know, because they wouldn't take me. You know what I mean? So by, that's an oxymoron. No, because there was times where I could have went there.

Right. In my, my, shall we call it, coochie career? Right. Can we call it that? Sure. Coochie career. Yeah. I mean, we all have a coochie career.

I've had levels where I'm like, I can go there. Yeah. Because I remember, like, there was a time in New York, I was meeting these smoke shows. You know, dude, I met a chick from, I can go there. Because I remember, like there was a time in New York, I was meeting these smoke shows. Dude, I met a chick from, I think Long Island, no, Staten Island, no, no, no, Long Island, maybe Queens or Brooklyn, what, Mercedes, Italian. I mean, just every, you know those Italian girls?

Every inch of them is fucking made from God. Their eyes, their lips, their... And their attitudes. Their skin. Their skin. They can eat shitty Italian food, sausages and pasta, and not gain a pound. I met one of those.

And I met her at the club, and she came and picked me up two nights later, we talked on the phone phone, that's how old the phone phone. She called my house, I called her house. You're from Boston, she was like, you're from Boston, I like the. Yeah, I'm fucking from Boston. Where the fuck you from, where you from?

I'm from Sheepshead Bay. Sheepshead, where the fuck was that? It's deep in Brooklyn there. Really? Yeah. Was it from, is it a fucking Italian neighborhood or? Yeah, my father's a cop, my grandmother's a garbage worker. I love cops. Yeah, my dog is a firefighter.

No shit, you're a fucking dog that's a firefighter. I love Boston, I've never been there though. Oh yeah, Boston's fucking great. I love Matt Damon. You love Matt Damon, how do you like those apples, right? Those, I like that guys, yeah. We should go out. But he does look like a stretched out midget

He does yeah does have a midget very man. I never noticed that I've got like a midget face Yeah, he's got a midget face and midget butt. Yeah. Yeah, it's real. That's fucking real I just want you to know right now. I'm not one of these girls you find in the sewer I didn't fucking think you were I'm not a whore. I know that's why I'm talking. I like horse You know, you got nice eyes really you got a nice everything girl And you were so funny the other night at the at the comedy basement. Yeah, do you see it's the comedy cellist I like that skit you were doing about marshmallow. Yeah with your hat on Talking about the Dominican yeah

Yeah, let me ask you a question. you see me look at you during the show? I did see that. That's right, I saw that too. When are we going out? Where are you gonna take me? Why don't you come on my house? Come, we'll meet. Oh my God.

I never do this. Mom, I live in the city. You got a car, right? You got a Mercedes, right? You told me you had a Mercedes. Of course, yeah. Right, okay, come pick me up. Monday night I'm gonna take you to dinner, right?

You want me to pick you up? Yeah, 97th and Lex. Okay. Between, between 3rd and Lex. Okay. Right near Spanish Harlem. I don't know if my father's gonna let me go up that high. Don't tell him.

Tell him I live down in Murray Hill. Do you do me a favor? Sure. Can you just, can you go to a more of a white neighborhood for me to pick you up? Maybe just a meeting point Can I pick you up on the Upper West Side or something? Please don't tell anyone I picked you up This is between me and you but you're so funny. I'm gonna do it. Cheers mama I'll see you I'll see you Monday night at 34

34th and Lex, okay You better not take me to a pizza restaurant and order from the other side of the menu. No, what I'm gonna do is as soon as you pick me up and you act like a twat, I'm gonna get out with the first red light and tell you to go fuck yourself and never see you again. Oh my god, that makes me even like you more. That's what I did.

Oh, is that what you did? I did. Oh wow. I knew, I was like, I don't have the mentality. Probably insecure, or you know, because I've always been trash. I've never been that guy. And even at my best, I've never been that guy.

So I probably was like, this chick annoys me right now. I fucking can't do it. I just can't do it, it's not worth it. It's not worth the cooch. I was insecure when I had no money. What was that? Yesterday no I'll Kevin Hart you I'll take it and leave what you got true classic you need a fucking double-barreled true classic out right here How great is the best they hide it? I mean look I mean it's they hide it. Yeah

Why? How great is the best they hide it? I mean look I mean it's they hide it. Yeah, it's it hide it why? God damn it that guy Ryan figured it out, and he's not He's in shape. Yes a thin dude. Yeah, he went guys Needed up here and need a little down here. Yeah that they invented that tea, and that's what us. Yeah, the tall the fat guy store Hey, we'll make the shirt longer like a dress you tub of shit now It's gonna go down further than the outer shirt that I have the button up Yeah, so it's gonna look like but this guy true class is figured it out What black eyes just wear that for normal for barbecues? What's that long white tees?

Yeah, even a skinny black dude will have a long white tee jean shorts, like Air Force ones. Black people really, black dudes really invented a unique style that we can't wear. No. We look stupid. No, yeah. You ever see one of those long white tees? Yeah.

That's the one at the store in the mall. You know what I mean? Yeah. If you're a white to wear in that You just look like a cult leader Yeah, you have to get that you have to get that Marshall's in the middle aisle, right? Yeah, like it's it's a P did he had him? What was the other one? Fila

Fila they made the Italian they made the for a while. It was Fila. Yeah, there goes That's what a white guy looks at it. It just looks like a white guy lost a lot of weight Yeah, now show a black guy in that he looks like a fucking million dollar. He looks great Black guys can wear anything right get away with it. Yeah, they can wear anything. Yeah. Why is that the skin? It's the skin color. Yeah, who's laughing? Is that a black guy? And I think they just generally Yeah, they just go for style. It's just skin color. What? Who's laughing? Is that a black guy? And I think they just generally, yeah, they just go for style. It's just more important to them. It's more important to them.

It's the skin, dude. Yeah. You think it's the skin? It is, dude, because we're too pale. Yeah. You ever go get a tan? Yeah. I just went to Aruba. I haven't got, I've gotten more compliments about my face

in the last two weeks since I've been back. They're like, what's going on? Like, guys, dude, you look so good. And it's because I got tan. You got a glow to you and it's just the tan. So they walk around with a year-long tan. They walk around with a glow. Yeah.

And then they abuse it. No, I'm kidding. Yeah. It's pride month. It is pride month, year, decade, whatever it is. Why do people get a month? Apparently, apparently, yeah, they went through a lot of stuff. Yeah, I know. Every year it should have been. Well, Trump got rid of it. Did he get rid of it? Pride month as of like a few weeks ago is not a thing anymore. What is it it a day no it's just something completely else I'll look it up I forget

thanks for giving us my producers like no it's something else see you guys keep talking yeah what is it I don't know keep talking they should they should scale it down every year back gets to one day Trump doesn't do that he just takes it away yeah he deported it. He put Pride Month in an El Salvadorian prison. And then took him back, and then arrested him, and now he's going to charge him. I got caught in an ICE protest on the way here. Where?

Right here, one block over. Really? What'd you do? Speak Spanish? I know, I go to a restaurant. It's now Title 1x month. What? What does that mean?

The Google Calendar's got rid of it and everything. Wow. Google. Yeah, it's no longer on Google Calendar. I'm going to say this. You don't need a month. No. And you don't need Pride Month.

You guys, you're in. Yeah. We love you. A day. A day maybe. No. And you don't need pride month. You guys, you're in. Yeah. We love you. A day. A day maybe. Yeah. A parade. One day. You think the founding fathers would be like, well, hey guys, one day, this is going to be a whole month for gays. Lincoln would be like, yay. It's a month, yeah. I mean, St. Patrick's Day, Greek Independence Day. Veterans Day. Veterans Day. Memorial Day. Christmas Day. Yeah.

The big dude's birthday gets one. Wow. Gays, a whole month. Whole month. Black people get a month still, right? Who are you people? Black people. Your people?

No, who? Oh. Danny, black people still get Black History Month, right? Yeah, they still get a month. They get a month. But they don't do parades, they don't get Black History Month, right? Yeah, they still get a month. They get a month. But they don't do parades. They don't do flags. They deserve a month.

Yeah, they deserve a month. They deserve a month. They deserve a month. They deserve a month. They really do. Yeah, the gays listen. You know. Can't a sorry just...

Sorry. Sorry. Can't we just say sorry? What if we sing it? What if we make it into a musical? That'd be a fun musical. Sorry to the gays. If we did.

All right. What if we sing it? What if we make it into a musical? That'd be a fun of music. Sorry to the kids. If we did. All right. Prohibit sex-based discrimination in education programs and activities that receives federal funding. Wow. It's significantly gayer than Pride Month. Yeah. Wow.

What are you gonna do? So this isn't in place of Pride Month though? No. Yeah, this is just something he passed. No, they got rid of Pride Month and now it's titled IX Month. Oh really? What does that mean? What I did is...

Prohibit sex-based discrimination. Okay, that's cool. Listen, so they had, you have history, history hyenas, back, back. Back. From the fucking depths. From the depths of death. Dante's Inferno, level four.

Level 10. Level 10. Yeah. I mean, we're talking this, you and Chrissy D, I remember when you started doing the podcast, you jumped on my network. I remember Serpico was like, you gotta put these guys on. I was like, okay, we got you on the network,

and you guys were climbing the charts. We started climbing. Now back then, I was really into the, you know, creating shows, and I was into the network. You know, that was a thing. Riot Cast Network, me and Rob Sprantz. Shout out Rob Sprantz. What's up, sucker?

I remember Rob Sprantz. Great guy. Yeah. This is like 2017, 16, 17. Somewhere around there, right? And you go up, you guys come up here, and you're knocking it out of the park. And then at some point, you guys, you're like,

you're doing so good, and this always happens, this happens, and I don't give a fuck. You guys are like, we're out, we're gonna go do it. We don't need it. We don't need a network. You know, you just don't need it. We are gonna make all this money ourselves. Right.

And then Tom Segura called and said, I have a network. You went right to them. Right. Well, we're just, we're not on the network. We're there for ads. They do our ads. Yeah. Well, Tom Segura, what is it? YMH.

What is it called? YMH. Everybody does the YKWYMH. Yeah. Nobody stole that. Yeah. They stole my acronyms. Tom, I love Segura.

So anyways, you break up, and it happens. It sucks that it happened to you guys. Because it was such a interesting, weird, silly, I remember I went all the way to Brooklyn to do one of your shows. I did it, you were like, hey, can you come up? We did a live show. You did a live show with Stand Up, and I did Stand-up I came all over this fucking pizza place, and I bring to Brooklyn four times in my life

Yeah, I've never been to the Statue of Liberty I've never been to the Empire State Building And I don't go to Brooklyn and fucks if I have to take a ferry to come see it's not happening right But I went all the way the fuck out there and did the show with you guys. And it was like, it was such a fun, you guys are so good together. And it was so fun. And then whatever the fuck happened,

the things happened that happened. I think it was the vaccine. What do you mean? You think it was Fauci? Fauci broke it up? Was it? What, Chrissy Take Moderna? What did he take? You remember that period it was just anyone died and they just throw up

vaccine emojis be like a 98 year old woman fell off a building they just throw up. Yeah in fact I threw up and swallowed his own puke at night. Yeah just vaccine emojis, vaccine, vaccine. Is she vaccinated? But now moving on all that shit, you're back. We're back. Now, is it the same show? Is it different? No, it's the same show. Yeah.

I mean, the chemistry was right back. Yeah. Yeah. Even most of the fans, all the fans, I think took note of that. They were like, wow, it was like no time, no time. Really? Yeah, no time passed.

That's great. Yeah. And then we've been going about seven months. Seven months, once a week? Once a week. Patreon? Patreon. That grind, are you okay with that grind? I'm okay, yeah, I'm okay with that grind.

Where are you gonna go to do it? We do it in downtown, in midtown. You got your own, because you used to do it in your studio, right? We used to do it in my, yeah. You still got that place? Yeah. I mean, so no more Brooklyn?

No more Brooklyn. And Chrissy lives in town? Chrissy lives, yeah, he still lives in New York City, in a tri-state, but he's moving to Westchester! Is he coming to Bethchester, boy? Yeah, he's going to he's going to West Chester I know dude. I was telling us telling fucking Jay he's moving out of the city house kitchen. I go do not move to Jersey You do not move to Long Island move to West Chester because it's the easiest way into the city

Yeah, you don't have to go through that fucking tunnel traffic. You don't have to go through that bridge You can come down the east side or the west side You can make your choice at the final minute and it's it's never that bad. It's better than Long Island It's better than Jersey as far as the traffic goes for Shaw and now he's bitching him Oh, he's thinking about getting hotels on Mondays and Tuesdays to do the bonfire because it's a commute. Yeah, it's like dude you fucked up Because it's a commute. It's like, dude, you fucked up. You went to Jersey. You listened to Louis, who's late for everything.

Right. Only 20 minutes late. What? Well, I guess the taxes are better in Jersey, right? Who cares? Westchester's a shit. It's worth paying for a little more class. Don't you love it? Buddy, I lived in Westchester, I think first.

No, Versey first, then me. Yeah. Then you. Yeah. But you guys moved up. We're moving on up. I was down in. To the east side.

Lower Westchester. Yeah, but now you moved up. It's a different spot. Oh, it's a little different. It's a little different. It's a little different. Yeah, it's just, it's snowing all the time. It's winter.

It's vacation-y. Yeah. Every time, like when you do something, it's like, oh, I'm on vacation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's very nice. It's very interesting.

I am so used to seeing people of all walks of life coming from New York, you know? And then where I live, if I see someone who's not white, it's almost like seeing a mountain lion. I'm like, whoa. I'm like, whoa, whoa, that's. Yeah, there's a mountain lion over by the deli right now. Is that a thing?

Hey, I just saw a bobcat going into the coffee shop. You know, the gay bakery that we have, is that? Isn't the small town wave great? Everyone, hey. Love it. Yeah, it's just like. People wave to me that I don't even know. Yeah, everyone waves, yeah.

Yeah, dude, we live in vacation land all the time. All the time, yeah. Which is great, now here's the thing. If I had moved, we were gonna buy a house on a lake and I was like, we can't do it. Because I'll have to sell in New Hampshire. There's no need for it. Right.

If I lived on a lake, I could swim on a lake. Yeah. We're done. Yeah. We're done. Yeah. But I'm not done moving. You're not done moving?

I want one more. One more. I want one more move. One more. I want that house. Why don't you, cause you got a nice piece of property I want that house. Why don't you? You got a nice piece of property. That's all right.

Why don't you build what you want? Because I always thought, like, it's nice to get the property you want and then make the house you want the way you want it, as opposed to buying somebody else's. And then, you know, I like this, but I don't like that. You know. I don't know.

Maybe, I guess. But I know it's I want that fucking. You want a big dookie. I want I want a big piece of property that I can drive a fucking four wheeler on. And I want to put like some type of man shelter cave cigar thing in the woods. I want to have to drive a four wheeler to my thing. And we go in there and it's the shit. So it's like you come over my house, right?

Yeah, and you're in the south. What? I come over to your house and I'm in the south. That's what it sounds like you just described it. Like come on over here. We're gonna, look at that. We got a four wheel tractor. This is my corn. I want, yeah.

Magic come into my house, dude. And you have to get on four wheels and we go, we drive into the woods down a path, right? And then we get to this little, I don't know, cool little cabin. And then we go in and there's TV, there's internet, cigars, fridge, food, upstairs. Couldn't we do that in your house?

No, no, she's there. Right, but if you ain't got a big enough house, you could have a wing. Nope. No. No, I don't want them, I want it to have. You're a woods guy, you like the woods. I love the woods, you love the woods too. I don't want them, I don't want them, I want it to be, I want it to happen. You're a woods guy, you like the woods. I love the woods, you love the woods too.

I don't like the ticks. What? I don't like ticks. I got a problem with the ticks. Why? Because they can really hurt you, and they're everywhere. What, do you like them? Yeah.

Is that one on your shirt right there? Oh, oh. No, okay. You want me to get that? It's right there, dude, seriously. No, yeah. I got a tick trick, you want a tick trick? Yeah. You want me to get that? Yeah, go ahead. That's right there, dude, seriously. No, yeah. I got a tick trick, you want a tick trick? Yeah.

Limp brush. Limp brush? So what's what you do? You gotta get pants that have elastic down the bottom, right? Boston, yeah. Boston, you fucking fox-eyed. Yeah, pants with elastic down the Boston.

Dude, I fucking like don't as this. It's called Sacagasmi Regios. I get with the fucking elastic down the Boston. Down the Boston? Right, and then you go out, you spray, you get this spray. Ticks hate it. Spray all your legs. What kind of spray?

It's tick spray. Oh, okay. You spray your legs. What happens is they jump on, they jump right off. Right. Because they hate it. Right. Okay, but now you know how ticks get on you, right?

They crawl on you. But you know how they get on you. So you know the- Yeah, because the high brush, they take a ride on you. High brush, they take a ride. Yeah. They're waiting.

Yeah. So once they jump on you, you have to have that. Now if they still stay on you, you come home and leave a tick, a lint brush outside. Lint brush, and then you'll see them on the thing if there's any the lint brush takes him throw the lint brush away would you learn that Martha Stewart that's a real homer that's a real I don't know I learned most of my she lives up in West Chester maybe it was right near me yeah. He lives in my town. Yeah, I know.

So, no dude, I learned that. I forget some fucking, some Bushcraft dude, whatever, but, and it works, because behind my house, I have a Woods, and sometimes, we just got Frisbee golf, which is the best, by the way. What's Frisbee golf? Is it Jews playing golf? We call Jews Frisbees on the history of the Aenis because they wear the Frisbees.

Nothing makes me happier than a new slang word for people. Frisbees. Frisbees. That's so funny dude. What's Frisbee Golf? Do you have any for black people? We call them, yeah. Bobcats? We call them Na-Means. What? Or Leroy's. Yeah. Na-Means? Stop, stop, stop. Slow down. We got a name for every ring. What's Leroy's? Leroy's. Blacks. OK. What's Na-means?

Na-means, same thing. Blacks. Why, though? Why Leroy's? Because Yami. Yami. Yami. Yami, that's a good one, dude. Yami. Yeah, Yami. Yeah, Yami yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was crazy. Yeah. And then we get the Sandra D's. What's the white chick? No, Sandra D's are a Sandy's from the, from the part of the world where the sand throws a Sandra D's. Okay. So, okay. All right. This is dude. I, nothing makes me happier than new, new, new terms. Yeah. Well, in the show we just always come up with, okay. Somebody's crazy. We say he's

got a leaky roof. Okay. I love it. He's got a leaky, he's got a hole in his roof. He's got a leaky roof. I love it. When like something gets you horny, like you got a sexual fit, whatever your thing is, it gives you the tingle. The tingle? The tingle. Yeah. Like Glenn Greenwald. I call it the bump. The bump. I like that. Because it, you ever get something that gets a little bump. Your little ding ding gets a bump. Gets a little hang and then a bump. You get the bump. I like that. I like the bump. I then a bump. You get the bump. I like that. I like the bump. I like the bump. You get the bump.

She gave me the bump. She gave me the bump. She gave me the bump. We call penises glue guns. Glue guns. Yeah. Hot glue guns? Yeah, glue guns.

Nice glue gun. That's a good one. What else? We got a whole bunch. I mean. Any more raised ones? What do you call gays? Gays we call $3 bills.

Yeah. Chrissy D. Yeah, Chrissy D. Yeah, Chrissy D. Chrissy? You're a Chrissy? Hey. If you're gay, you're fully charged, fully charged three dollar bill. Fully charged three dollar bill? Confirmed fully charged three dollar bill. What is fully charged? Fully charged means you're gay is fully charged, like just charged up. Right. You're charged up gay and $3 bill because my dad used to say he's gay like a $3 bill. So we call them $3 bills. Eastern Hemmings are Asians. That's a politically

correct because they're Eastern Hemisphere. Eastern Hemisphere. Or scream masks. laughter That one gets cackled out usually. laughter Scream masks! laughter Ah shit! Bring up a scream mask! laughter

Please bring up a scream mask right now. I'm sorry, I'm kicking his ass. God damn it. Let me see his scream mask. Yeah, Irish potato monkeys, Italian sauce monkeys. So funny you can call those two monkeys. There's a cut off on that one. There's a cutoff on that one. There's a cutoff. There's a cutoff. Ice cream has... All right.

That one's not right. I know the chat room is funny. I know the chat room has a ton of them coming in right now. Ah, shit. God damn it. Got us. What else? We got meatball monkeys.

We got potato monkeys. Potato monkeys, sauce monkeys. Sauce monkeys. We got potato monkeys. We got potato monkeys. We got potato monkeys. We got potato monkeys. We got potato monkeys.

We got potato monkeys. We got potato monkeys. We got potato monkeys. We got potato monkeys. We got potato monkeys. You got meatball monkeys you get potato monkeys potato monkey sauce monkey sauce monkeys is a gravy monkey sauce monkey I'm trying what's a Greek Greek. We don't really have one for a Greek Diner monkey, but that's you know that's that's a Kurt Matzger came right now. I mean that was great. Yeah That's Kurt Metzger came up with that one. I mean, that was great. Yeah. Dino Monkey?

Yeah, some people come in with, some of our fans write good ones for them, like Kraut Monkey for a German. They call themselves stuff. Yeah, we got it. And then for somebody who's short, we call them Squeaks. Squeaks? Why Squeaks? Pipsqueak.

Squeak. I found out that short, I love the word squeak. Short, short kings as they call them. Short kings. Really don't like being short. No, nobody likes it, I don't think, because I don't know why women don't like it generally, right?

Yeah, women like five, like five, nine, five, 10 and above. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. They like a guy, they wanna look up to the dude, Five, nine, five, 10 and above. You know what I mean? They like a guy. They wanna look up to the dude. They don't wanna look down at the guy. I think small guys are great.

But women always go with the, they discriminating against short guys. I never knew, cause I know, look I know little people. Little, what do you call little people? Yeah, I mean, yeah. Well, squeaks. Squeak?

He's a squeak, yeah. Is he a squeak squeak? He's a squeak, yeah, actually he would be a squeak squeak. A squeak squeak? Yeah, he'd be a squeak squeak. Squeak squeak, squeak squeak. Wouldn't it be a monkey butt? Ha ha ha ha.

Sausage thighs. Ha ha ha. Bread loaf ass. Ha ha ha. They do have a fat ass. A hollow bread ass. It really is just a chunky little butt. It's doughy, yeah. It's fucking doughy now.

Yeah. What's this? Tinder just added a new factor for girls that they can just get not shown people under a certain height, and a lot of short people are very upset about it. That's that's that's that's vicious. That is vicious. But you know we're vicious with them so they at least they have one thing they're vicious with guys about. I think height is the most vicious.

Height and penis size obviously. But we're vicious with girls looks. All right tell me why. What are we vicious with? We we judge them hard. We don't. Listen, dude, think about it. We like, I'm gonna speak for me, I don't know about you. I've always liked a girl who liked me. I've gone out with all kinds of girls.

Me too. And if you liked me, I liked you, and I'm into it. You know what I mean? Now what? If we stay together forever, that's compatibility. That's chemistry. I don't know, I can? Now what if we stay together forever? That's that's compatibility. That's that's chemistry I don't know. I can't control that shit, but I've never turned a girl down because of Something maybe a mole once it'll

That's oddly specific like a risen mole You know, but girls girls I think I'm way more vicious than guys way more vicious. Not with looks. 100% because they lie about it. They say they're not. They say I like a guy for who he is. Not true. No true.

They like success. They like they like success. Number one, I think they like success. Yeah, they want somebody who's above them. Yeah. They're not dating below them. No. We will date below us.

Oh yeah. We will, 100% of the time. Yeah, we don't even look at that quality. We have to be, we have to have our shit together. Yeah. To get a girl, because they are not dating beneath them. Yeah. They might fuck a dude beneath them

for shits and giggles once in a while, out of circumstance, but we will date beneath us a lot. I've dated, my wife was beneath me at the time. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. It's so funny, I love my wife now so much. Now. I remember I broke up with her you did yeah doctor cuz you were

like I got it I'm doing good right now yes knows I was doing good at the time was like you can't really you get bangs yeah shit I'm all right here get rid of, we'll talk. You get insurance, right? You might as well get insurance, get rid of that. You can take care of that. Wow, yeah. And she's stuck around. Because she's my thing.

It has nothing to do with sex. It has nothing to do with looks. When you meet somebody that likes you, you like them, and you just, I'm so compatible with her. I'm more compatible with her than any other human being I've ever met. That's who you're supposed to marry. That's who you marry.

That's who you marry. You do not marry the person you like to fuck. Yes, no. You don't. Yeah, don't do that. Don't do that. Yeah, if you haven't made that mistake, because that just ends. Yeah, that you haven't made that mistake, because that just ends.

Yeah, that just turns, because whatever makes the sex good is like a friction, like something that is not compatible. That, exactly. Yeah. What makes that sex good makes hearing her breathe right when she had done coming, not good. Exactly, yeah.

Yeah. That's a bad reason. That's such a weird chemistry thing. I think you marry the person that, you know, that you feel okay sitting in silence with, comfortably. Yeah, just, yeah. Because that's what you're gonna be doing most of your life. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just sitting there going like this. She's gotta be okay sitting in a room. Yeah, yeah you gotta be that's that is compatibility. Yeah that's what happens you just end up sitting. What do you think old couples did before technology? They just sat? Dude, they read. Did they read?

They read. They used to sit in chairs. And read individually. Like she'd be reading a book and he'd be reading. Yeah, she'd be reading some stupid book and he'd be reading some guy history. Dude, I remember when I'd go to my grandfather's house and they had two chairs, just like Archie and fucking Edith.

And it was fucking, they would, he'd be reading and she'd be in the other chair reading, or he'd be maybe watching a game, because they didn't have channels back there, they had four channels. TV was dead after fucking 11 o'clock, right? You had the Tonight Show and it's over. But they went to bed, yeah, they would read.

My grandfather read. And it's over. But they went to bed, yeah, they would read. My grandfather read. And it's so funny, because in my new house, I got a room with a chair and a reading, and I got a book stand. I made this book holder that holds your book, and I did all this stuff, and I started reading the book. If I could fucking 10 minutes in. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's a sleeping chair now. If I wanna sleep, I'll go pick up that stupid Al Pacino book one time when I was I'm out another time. I Remember when I met Martin And Robert De Niro, it's all I get I don't remember in the book. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I sometimes I've read with my phone Really? Yeah, just like have my phone out and just keep checking him. Yeah. I want to check out you right now Yeah, you're gonna be in East Providence, Rhode Island at one of the greatest clubs ever July 11th 12th

Friday and Saturday night At the Comedy Connection East Providence love that club. Love it August 8th and August 9th Rosemont at Zane's I heard that's the better club, right? I've never been to that one, I've only been to the other one. 8th and 9th, August 15th and 16th, you're gonna be at Sides, I mean, dude, you're working all summer. Yeah, well I'm working on the new stuff

because the special just came out. You got the special too, check out his new special, it's Property Owner and it's on YouTube right now. What's the channel on YouTube? History Hyenas, yeah, channel. YouTube.com slash History Hyenas. So is this History Hyenas, is this through the network? No.

Is this your channel? Yeah, it's our own channel. So you have this channel. We only, yeah, we do the ads with them. Okay, so now you got this channel. There was a channel dead for a while, or was it always there? It was it was just dead I mean it was like we weren't posting anything. It was there yeah. Were people still going to it? Oh yeah our patreon was still active for three years. And you got money? Money was

coming in like so. Is it back up? It went right back to where it was. Shout out to all the fans who came right back. That's great. Because for a couple years it was three and a half years They were just constantly writing bring it back bring it back bring it back. Yeah, cuz we had an ending that felt odd Yeah, yeah, I felt odd for everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was fucking weird for all of us, too Yeah, cuz we're friends with you two idiots We're gonna fucking deal with your soap opera. We're gonna fucking not pick sides, pick sides, change sides. Fucking stinks.

I hate when comics fucking get into stupid shit. Because then you're gonna get, fuck. And I flip-flop so easy, dude. You call me, I'm like, yeah, the fucking Hill Club. Dude, you know, I'm like, well, what the fuck, man? And then you guys hate me. It's like, what the fuck did I do? Well, I'm glad you guys are back,

and I'm glad you guys are, because that show's too unique. Thank you, yeah. It is. I want to hear about, so yeah, he's got his dates. Please go to punchup.live slash Yannis Pappas, I believe, correct? Yeah, that's right.

Isn't Punch Up the best? It's great. Everyone's using it now, everyone's using it. Did you get the new app I haven't yet get the app. Yeah, you can see where they are. You can send them emails Oh send these guys emails right now. Nice. See how many people they're in Portland. Yeah, you're in Portland This is your dates puppy. Oh, those are my dates. Sorry. I'm at Portland again Portland Maine. Oh, yeah, that was my cute town though

Isn't it? Portland Maine. You also got a couple of DMs because you were just plugging Portland and people thought you were in Washington or wherever the other Portland is. Alright buddy well fix that you run my social media. No no it's... When you say it. It says Maine here but when you plug it you should say Maine. Hey is there a knife back there you can slice your own throat with? Portland, Maine July 25th and 26th I will be in Portland Maine at Empire Comedy Club. I will be up listen I'm in New Hampshire all summer I take July and August off I'm doing that one gig and I'm out. I take the whole summer off. I am chilling with the family. I am fishing. I am getting in shape. Me and my wife have vowed to each other in the last three years that we are going to

have the 50s are going to rule for us in our 60s. We're getting in shape. We took all this stuff and did all these things and it's happening. So I'm very excited. So that's it. You want to see me, you you gotta go to Portland, Maine. October, I'm gonna be in Rochester and Tampa and all this stuff.

I will be in Tampa in July, directing Louis J. Gomez's special. Very cool. I'll be down there fucking around a little bit. I'm not doing a full spot. He's like, you're going, he just makes you do shit. Bobby's gonna be down doing spots. I'm like, listen dude, I got a fucking show here in September. I'm not doing I'm not coming down

This is you do your shows. I mean, but I'll probably jump on for a little bit. Yeah, very cool Lewis always has ideas listen Very proud of Lewis Gomez. Yeah, very proud of him because not only has he went from I remember he had a microphone a little microphone that you talk to him and Dave Smith, would sit in his shitty apartment and they'd do this podcast about MMA. I remember that. And they would just go, they would hold it

and go back and forth. And I remember they asked me to do it and I was like a block away from me in this apartment that leaned, right? It was fucking weird, it was just shithole. And they were just up there, whaling it out, and I used to do it, and now to see how far he's come, he just wrote a book, he's got a special,

another special coming out, never mind all, story wars and all this stuff. Story wars is so fun. I mean, yeah, he's always, here's the thing about Louis, he's always creating. He's always got a new idea. And I, you know, I mean I don't wanna make his head too big, but he, you know, now he's doing a special,

and I've seen the hour, and it's his best hour. Cause he fell behind us. Cause I was doing standup, all of us were doing standup. He got into podcasting. He created Skank, Skank Fest, all this stuff he created. Skank Fest is crazy how big it is. It's just crazy. Are you doing it this year? I'd love to do it. I hope I am, yeah.

Well, I mean, they already sent the students. Last year I got sick. I was supposed to be down there, but I got sick. You're not doing it? Did you get an invite? I didn't get an invite, so I don't know. I'm gonna fucking tell them to invite you. No, it's fine. I'm gonna make it happen. Where is it?

Dude, I got a cigar. Is it New Orleans? It's New Orleans. New Orleans. And I created this thing three years ago called the Dude Cigar Lounge. And it's only talent. And I have Mo and Steve from my father and Tata Wahe. They actually come out and bring cigars.

Oh nice. So you get, all you gotta do is go ahead, they give you the best cigars. You just smoke all day, all night, in the lounge, no industry is allowed. It's all talent, it's all us hanging out, having a great time. I think Skankfest is probably like the only legitimate

comedy festival now. Montreal's like trying to come back, right? Netflix didn't feel like a festival. I did it, it was just shows in LA, it just, you know. Yeah, it was because they in LA. It just, you know. It didn't. It was because they had too many, they had Billy Burrow on the same night as Shane or whatever.

It's like, what, I'm gonna spend 150 here? I can't, just let me buy one pass for a 400 bucks and let me go see everybody. They were doing individual tickets, right? Yeah, they did it a little weird. What are you gonna do? I mean, I wasn't invited, so go fuck themselves. No, I'm kidding. So I wanna know this, because I it a little weird. Yeah, what are you gonna do? I mean, I wasn't invited so go fuck themselves No, I'm kidding. Um, so I want to know this. Yeah, I'm getting into history. Okay It's a little late but okay

No, I've always loved history. Yeah, and the thing that puts me to sleep now instead of is our podcast Great opportunity I now instead of... It's our podcast, History of Havoc. No, I can't, I can't. That would be funny. I can't, I can't. It's a great opportunity. I want you to explain the podcast to people who don't know it, what it is again about this. How's it roll? It's a podcast about history that is not very careful about the details of the history.

Okay, so explain the last episode. The last episode was about the Ivy League. The history of the Ivy League. That's the Ivy League, like Harvard. To Ottmeth. To Ottmeth. Harvard. Harvard.

Yale. Yale. Princeton. Princeton. Columbia. Columbia should not be on that fucking list. Yeah, it's on there. And what it is, it started because of a football rivalry.

They called it the Ivy League, and then of course, it became this term for these elite schools. And now this is the first year, Columbia had no Jewish applicants. Wow! Yeah, zero. Good? Yeah.

Good? Zero. Good, fuck them. Good, why am I turning Jewish? Why would I do that? I is no man. It's not a welcome party I see there. Why would you fucking ever go to the school? Yeah. They just, I guess the protests got made them scared. So are those protests? I mean, is that really a protest? They, it's an encampment. I don't know. It's more the fans. I don't know. Who are the fans? I don't know. Are you Pro Illestein?

What do you call Jews? Frisbee heads? Frisbees. You should have passed that today. And muzzies. And we call them muzzies. I know. I like it.

So you do this and you talk about it. Now you talk about how it came to. Yeah, we just give you a little history on how it became the Ivy League. We just give you a little history on how it became the Ivy League. We just give you a little history on how it became the Ivy League. We just give you a little history on how it became the Ivy League. We just give you a little history on how it became the Ivy League. We just give you a little history on how it became the Ivy League.

We just give you a little history on how it became the Ivy League. We just give you a little history on how it became the Ivy League. We just give you a little history on how it became the Ivy League. We just give you a little history on how it became the Ivy League. We just give you a little history on how it became the Ivy League. We just give you a little history on how it became the Ivy League. We just give you a little history on how it became the Ivy League. We just give you a about it now you talk about the how it came to Yeah, we just give you a little history on how it became the Ivy League and Then we go into what's going on now with Trump first Harvard and you know, that's what it is and it's out style You are more your I don't say this to make Chris feel bad Smarter.

Is that the right word I'm looking for? Well read. There it is, right? He reads a lot. Okay. Yeah. I'm less distracted, I think is the way to say it. Well, I just, like to me, look, Chris is a smart kid, funny kid, you know, uniquely funny too, you know what I mean? But you can talk politics, you can go on Rogan,

you can hold your own with these people, I believe. You know what I'm saying? And you're interested in that stuff. You're interested in it. Like Tim Dillon type stuff, you guys are interested in it. And you can talk about it. I don't see Chris, I see him more, what type of hair gel will keep my hair up

but make it look loose, you know what I mean? Right? So how does that happen when you start talking about Trump and do you have to hold back a little bit? No. Do you have to go silly? I think I bring out a little bit more structure in him and a little more, and he brings a little silliness out of me

And I don't you know chemistry is just it is what it is right? It's there and when we first started we did our first thing together. It was just like there I was like all right. Yeah, and then we just we did it. We did a Web series Serpico did you know that's what I love. I wish you guys would get back into that. Yeah, we're gonna do that I wish you would would get back into that. Yeah, we're gonna do that. I wish you would, because you went to historical places. Yeah. And did these amazing, funny videos.

Yeah, we just have fun. I mean, the show, we have a great time. I think we crack each other up, and we both love history, he loves history, so we just have a good time. So what's this new special about then? Ooh, the new special is about moving from the... One thing you guys would do,

and is it a Brooklyn thing, you would abreeve. Breathe? You'd abreeve. A-breeve? A-breeve. Yeah, the new spash. The new spash. The new spash.

Cousy. Cousy wazzy. You guys were doing cousy before the other guys were doing cousy. Yeah, we were doing cousy. Now everybody's doing cousy. Yeah, what's up, cous? Does that bug you?

No, cause cous has just been a bit around forever yeah but you like man you guys made it popular yeah we come comedically yeah so cuz cuz what's up cuz yeah yeah you guys you guys are abbreviated yeah yeah we do you do a lot we do a brief yeah yeah yeah it bothers me but I'm an old cunt. Me too. No, really, not yet. I'm getting there. All right, so what's the special about? Special is about growing up in New York

and then moving to the country and being a father with daughters and understanding the other side. The understanding, being like a liberal, left-minded person and then moving to the country and understanding you know that it's mostly cultural like you know and that's why you see it it's city is all liberals and country everywhere it's there's no longer like red states and blue states it's all cities are liberal suburbs and country are Republican and it's just cultural

and that you know that's what the it's why it's just cultural and that you know, that's what the It's why it's called property owner because once you become a property owner you start wanting things away from your property Yeah, like that's one of the jokes especially and liberals want bobcats you don't want a bobcat on your property Just go in there. What's a mountain lion doing around? That's why you get a ring cam That squirrels big yeah, yeah, it Right? Yeah. That squirrel's big. Yeah, yeah. It's just away and in. That's just the difference, you know?

It is, look it, it is, it is definitely different. When I lived in Manhattan, you just were around everybody. Every type of thing, poor, crazy, black, white, Spanish, all that shit all the time. You didn't even think about it, right? Yeah. But then when you do move up and out...

Yeah, you go, who's that? Who's that? Is that a neighbor? Okay, your neighbor. All right. It's funny because when I moved to my first place, which wasn't further up, it was Greenberg, which is... It was all mostly Italian years ago. But what happened was is people were, you know, those kids moved out and the Italians were dying off. And people from, you know, Yonkers were moving up. And the pandemic, and they were getting money. You know, they're getting all this money

and they were moving in. And I remember I looked out one day and my neighborhood went from all white and then there was people playing stickball in front of the house. And I was like, we gotta go. We gotta go. It's not wiffle ball, it's stickball.

It's an actual stick, honey. Yeah. But I did, you know, look, I didn't, you do, there is something like, well hey, what's going on here? Yeah. They're in front of my house playing stickball. Yeah.

Then you're like, oh, gives a fuck. Yeah. Cares, you know? Yeah, you just get used to it. But like, you know, there was one family fucking bothered me. They moved in, and in the driveway, they had all their shit in the driveway, right?

So they had a cover, right, over the cars. They had all their stuff there for two years. That's how you know you're in December is when somebody else's house bothers you. I got a couple houses like that when I passed, I go, oh, this house bothers me. To the point. Bringing down the property value. Buddy I was almost to the point where I'm gonna either pay for a fence or pay for, I'll help you. Yeah. Because it looks like shit. Yeah.

And then I remember one year they had a party in the shit. Like in the stuff. Yeah. Like they just moved the stuff and sat in the shit. I'm like, that's been out there for two winters, two falls, two springs. Yeah. There's things living in this shit. Whatever you're saving is, it's done. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

But they won't throw it out. They won't clean it up. Brings down the property value. Yeah, dude. Yeah. But then when I moved up to this new house, man, I got, dude, I remember when my, we didn't mow my lawn for a week or two,

and when we first moved in, I went to the neighbor next door, I go, look, I'm getting somebody to mow the, she goes, thank you. I was like, ooh. Yeah. Ooh, she was thinking about it. Me and my other neighbor actually

were talking about another neighbor about his lawn. I'm like, I gotta do something. That's like a tick forest. When he's like, I think I'm gonna say something. We're trying to figure out how to say it, how do you bring it up? We're like, you know? But it's like, this looks, it's horrible.

Yeah. Yeah. It like reflects on all of us. Yeah. Yeah, take care of your fuckin' lawn. Why, what is that? What are you doing? What are you doing? Are you on hard times? I mean, did your landscaper get deported?

Then I understand, that could possibly be possible, yeah. But he should have been. Yeah, you know what the thing is, it's hard, like I think my whole area has the same landscaper, so I've been wanting to fire him for like four years, but I can't because he's everybody. He's everybody. So he can't do the one next to me,

the one next to me, and then not my, I mean. I had my guy back in the, he died. That's how you get out of it. I got out of it. Because the guy who came in was kind of a dick. And I was like, I'm done, fuck off, I'm done. But then I was, I'm like, I'm gonna do my own one. And I did that once.

And I was like, fuck, this is sucks. I'm fucking tired. They do it effortlessly. It's too big. Yeah. It's too big. What a fucking snobby problem to have. Yeah.

My lungs too big. Yeah. I want a fence though. You don't like it open? No. You don't like open? I'm gonna fence. You got a forest back there?

No, I got a, I found that it's a graveyard. Oh you got a graveyard behind you? Yeah. Is it an old one though? No, they're all gone. So there's no graves? There's graves, but there's no bodies. Oh. They took all the bodies out years ago. But the graves are nice. Older. No. Single mother arrested. What are you showing us? There was a woman that was arrested for not mowing her lawn. No shit. Wow.

Because of the ordinances with the neighborhood. I mean, listen, dude, I'm not I'm listen, I'm not against it, right? Because you know, These people It stinks. It's a simpler life out there when you get arrested for not mowing your lawn, but I almost Somebody peeing on the street. Yeah. There's somebody robbing someone outside. This lady's like, it's like up here, this is a defense. Yeah.

Mow your lawn. Mow your lawn and put your shit that's supposed to be outside. Inside. Inside stuff goes inside. Yeah, that's right. That's like Quinn's joke. Spanish people are the only people

that take outside stuff out, in and inside stuff out. That's exactly what it was. I was this close to ratting him out. I was gonna call the city and be like, hey, because I know people. You know what I mean? Because of the cigar lounge. I know a lot of, you know,

that's why I love the cigar lounge. Yeah, do you still go to that one? Fuck yeah. Even though you left the area? Yeah. So it's a little bit of a drive. It's up on the way up. That's true. It's just a stop. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're friends with all those guys now. Fuck yeah. Yeah. I love those guys. Yeah. Paul G. Yeah. Pat. Yeah. Rob the Cop.

Yeah. Tony. Yeah. They're the best. Yeah. I love it. It's a great spot. It's a great spot. Yeah. I don't know why you two fucking mooks didn't join Well, cuz we always got him free with you. Yeah, no, but you should join and just be a member. But it's just too liberal You wouldn't make it you were Zizda verzi first of all, there's you would be fucking governor. Yeah, there's you'd be like the leg Hey guys, how the fuck you doing? What's going on? That fucking cucklib fucking honest come up here and talk about fucking Biden Hey, oh, hey guys, how the fuck you doing? What's going on? Is that fucking cucklib fucking honest? Can my parent talk about fucking Biden? This fucking guy.

Versi would be, they'd shoot me out there. They love Versi. He is top notch in that club. You come in, you'd have to be a little sly dude. Somebody asks you your opinion, you'd be like, I don't know, I don't think of that stuff. That's not good enough, I think, for that crew. What would you do? I would just play, you know, when in Rome,

I'd be like, yeah, these fucking unemployed protesters. You know, Trump's trying to, this is what he got elected for. He's doing what the people want. Yeah, I mean, look, if you're here illegally, you're committing a crime. Trump's trying to, this is what he got elected for. He's doing what the people want. Yeah, I mean look, if you're here illegally, you're committing a crime. I don't care if you're six or six months old. What about these protesters saying they're peaceful young?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, those riots, those are riot. They're riots, right? Yeah, yeah, girls being boy, we need order. We need law and order. Versely be like, he's fucking lying. He doesn't believe any of that shit. Law and order, that's all you gotta say, law and order. Versus be like, he's fucking lying. He doesn't believe any of that shit. Law and order, that's all you gotta say, law and order. I mean, we're getting nuts, dude.

I was on TV, they did the Tony Awards with that, I don't know, trans woman, but it's... Cynthia Erivo? The one with the hairy chest. I don't know. Buddy, I don't know if he's, I think he's trans. Face, makeup, hair done, dress on, didn't shave the chest. Just had a hairy chest.

I'm like, if you don't try, you have to try 50%. Yeah, you gotta go, yeah. You gotta go at least 50. You can't go 25 and get mad at me when I say, yo dude, yo dude, chill out. And what's their gender? Do we know? It's a woman, I guess, or she them?

I don't fucking know. Everybody just wants it out of the schools. I think even liberals want it out, most liberals, I think everyone just like, leave it out of the schools. I think even liberals want it out of the schools. I think everyone just like, leave it out of the schools. Let's do the ABC's one, two, threes. Yeah, I mean, you shouldn't have, okay. You don't wanna get kids, you know, it's just like. Oh, there you go, right there.

Look at that, that's your chest. That's you, those are your shoulders. That is confusing. I mean, buddy, it's, come on, You gotta do, you gotta go, you went 32%. Yeah. You went, 50%. Shave the chest. If you shave the chest, dude, I'm in. Yeah. I'm in.

Yeah. I'm in. I'm fooled. I'm fooled? Yeah. They call it tricked. Yeah. Right?

And the arm hair. You gotta wax that. I'll tell you this. You can shave it down. You don't have to wax it. You just call it tricked. Yeah, and the arm hair you gotta get you gotta wax that I'll tell you this you can Shave it down. You don't have to wax it. You just need it shaved. I need that chest gone I need the chest gone because it's confusing. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking me up. Yeah, it's more It's more manly than my I have chest I have hair on my nipples. How about the forearms? It looks like she's a baseball player. I mean those strong forearms. I Mean those are dudes for arms. She really does have Dominican. I mean they're stronger than mine. She had Dominican AAA forearms. Yeah yeah it looks like she's been swinging around a bat. Great shoulders. Yeah. High cheekbones. Yeah. Nice hair. The face from here looks a little feminine.

Yeah yeah I mean from here. From here if you you get a little. Yeah, there you go. All right, well. Okay. Now it looks like Billy Burr. Now, now, yeah. Dude, listen, dude. Yeah, no. I mean, here's the thing about the chest hairs. It's like has a patent like a Van Gogh painting. Yeah. And look at that.

It does look like Stormy Night. It looks like Matteo Layne from The Neck Down. Yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah. I don't know, man. Just, if you shaved that, just go 50 percent, please. Then you're in. You're in. Yeah.

We're all done. Stop. All right. I'm fooled. Here's the problem. Yeah. You keep pushing it. Yeah. You're getting people. Hey, OK, cool. And now it's like, well, I'm going to leave my chest here. And next thing you're going to leave your wing wearing out. Yeah. And we're going to have to go. It's OK. Yeah. Yeah. It's a woman even though her cock's sticking out of her dress.

You can't. You can't. I think we need religion again. Well it looks like that's what's happening. I think people are going back to religion. I've said that. I've said it. I've said it, had the joke about it.

You need religion. You need a moral company. People are going back. Rogan's going to church now. Yeah, I heard that. Yeah, people are going back. Rogan's going to church now. Yeah. Yeah, I heard that. Yeah, people are going back to religion, man. Yeah, also nobody's living in the moment, so we need like that type of spirituality back to get back in the moment. Nobody's in the moment. Everyone's on their phone. Everyone's listening to something else that happened previously or in the future.

Nobody's in person with each other. Yeah. So we need meditation, prayer, whatever, to get back in the moment. Well, think about it. If you don't have religion, how are you making choices? Yeah. You need some moral code.

Yeah. Yeah. You need a little moral code. I saw a video with the- You don't need all the dogma and stuff like that, but you need a moral code. I saw a video with the... You don't need like all the dogma and stuff like that, but you need like, you need a moral code. The simplicity of it was, hey man, don't do bad shit to people.

You know what I mean? Yeah. And there was a guy and a daughter took candy from the gas station. And the father was like, hey, you gotta go back in and pay for that. And the woman was like, why? Why?

If I took candy, just keep it. it's called integrity right that's what he said to the woman it's integrity and I'm trapped I was a good for you yeah integrity you know I mean what did you just put in your mouth oh yeah I quit yeah integrity a little integrity right as the Greeks called Philo philotimo. What is that? It's a great word. It's not easy to translate. Chris doesn't know this word. Huh? Chris doesn't know this word. Philotimo. Friendship, loyalty, you know, integrity. Yeah, put up philotimo, philoptimo. Greeks take it very seriously.

Yeah. Oh yeah, it's a big deal. Wow. And they say this guy's got philoptimo. Philoptimo. Philoptimo. Philoptimo. Philoptimo.

I like it. Yeah, honor. Right. Yeah. Yeah, we don't have it anymore. Yeah. It's a Greek word. Yeah, it doesn't have it anymore. Yeah It's a great word

Yeah, it doesn't really translate to English, but it's love of honor duty and integrity is like the closest way you could Keeping promises helping others virtual honesty. Yeah, but in Greek it there's no translation for it's a Greek thing It's a deep seated desire to act in a way that reflects honor respect and pride Yeah, yeah, I pride. Yeah. Yeah. I try to teach my kid that. I taught my kid how to pray. Yeah. There's a dark side to Philoptoemon though.

There's a dark side. I feel like you're talking about somebody who's dark. Philoptoemon. Philoptoemon is a good kid. What's the dark side? Dark side is Greeks hold a grudge. Yeah, I know. Yeah.

You guys are fucked up. Deep-seated, like passionate. I don't think I suffer from it that bad, but my mother, oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Does she have grudges on like- Turks.

Germans. Why? Yeah. Like a country? Oh yeah. She doesn't like a country? She doesn't like a people. Why?

Which was very ironic, because she was a human Rights lawyer so how she was like a pro bono human rights United Nations kind of but not for Turks enough in terms of Germans Yeah, because of the war because of the war and because of the patient Yeah, the Turks been trying to take over the world forever. They had us enslaved for 400 years and then the Crusades came in Well, you mix it, you're jumping around. I know you, I know your passion for history is just recent. Waiter! Bring us a book.

Okay, wait. You're jumping around, but that's okay. Let me ask you a question. You got the generals, right? Muslim versus Christian, the ultimate rivalry. Lakers, Celtakers Celtics Muslim Christian. I'm into the Crusades. Yeah, because people are talking about now lost them and we're coming back. Did we lose them? We ultimately lost. Well, did we really because we got we got Arabs out of UK

Well, they're back Italy. Well, they've been trying to conquer the UK, Italy, Europe for thousands of years, and they wanted Islam to be and Muslims, and that was it, and then we fought, the Crusades were, what does it say? The overall outcome was ultimately a Muslim victory. Was it? Because, I mean, think about it. Constantinople is now Istanbul. But.

As soon as you said Constantinople, I was like, I'm out. I'm out. That's up towards the right. Yeah, you go to, you make a left. Greece is down. Yeah, what you're gonna do is you go about 20 miles up that way and make a right. Yeah. There's Italy and there's Greece right here. Yeah, you go up about 20 blocks, there's a gas

station, make a left, you get to Constantinople. God damn it, I gotta read more. I gotta stop, fall asleep. But here's the thing, while the early Crusades saw initial Christian success, like the first crusade which led to the conquest of Jerusalem, but they did free the the Holy Land. They got it for a little bit and then they lost it. I think it was not how many crusades were there again. It was like we're down. I think it was. It was more.

It was more. I'm sorry. How many? Yeah. First was 19. Yeah. 1096 to 1099. Yeah. Third is three.

Third was 1189. It was eight. Eight. Eight in the game, yeah. Wow, eight. What was the last one? And I think we're down six, three. Six games, three.

Last one was 2012. No, 1212. I'm sorry. It didn't happen when I first did, you know what dude? Weren't you starting the crusade? That's when it started, yeah. I think, buddy, people are saying here's the thing about Muslims. Wow, when you hear that at the beginning, you're like, what's coming? I tell you, pretend we're at my cigar lounge right now. Yeah, okay. Dude, and I'm verzy. Yeah, here's the thing about these mozies, right?

Here's the thing. Right? I'm not wrong, right? Here's what the Christians aren't doing, the Catholics aren't doing. And the Jews aren't even doing anymore. Having families and making babies. Yeah. It's about being famous, it's about being successful.

It's not about having kids, it's about me. Where Muslim people, right, where Spanish people, it's like, I want a family, let's go. Let's have kids, and let's have our kids be part of this family and have response, and it doesn't matter where we live, I don't give a fuck, as long as rain don't get in, and we have food on the table,

and we're all fucking hanging out on weekends that it's family and that used to be the Italians the Irish the Jews right yeah you know it just hit me like hard I'm not smart jumping around a little bit but think about the Muslims they know also the Italians over here they're having kids in the Spanish Greeks did it They're having kids, it is Spanish. Greeks did it too. Yeah, but what hit me is it just became clear to me in one second, I was just watching you,

there was two roads for you. There is a version of you that just didn't see or meet other people in the world. You know what I mean? And like open your mind, there's a version of you that just didn't go there. And you'd be saying, you know what the thing is about the Muslims, they're fucking like rugrats.

They're like fucking roaches. That's not what I said. But there was a version there, I saw it. Like there was a, there's a, the Bobby you are now is like comedy took you all over the world. You've met all types of people, you've interacted with all types of races and gays. I still want to have a career.

I still need liberal cucks to like me. Yeah, but maybe it was the chain out everything I just saw a Boston Bobby right there. I go, what the fuck? Buddy, I hung out with guys. What's wrong? People fucking like separate stuff. Put your fucking stuff over there. No, buddy, I grew up, my towns were segregated. Not Massachusetts, not Boston, the towns,

Somerville, Medford, we were segregated in the towns between Italian and Irish and blacks. Oh yeah, yeah. And Spanish, Spanish lived with the blacks. You're over there, right? Cause we're, but the Asians? blacks. Oh yeah. And Spanish, Spanish live with the blacks. You're over there. But the Asians? Yeah. Buddy, I remember when Asians moved into West Mecklen, we didn't know what the, we were like, are they Spanish? What is their face? We were like, what are they? You didn't even know what they were. Buddy, we didn't know what they

were. And we, we, I didn't, we didn't know there was 30 of them in the house too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They could really pack in. And then when all of a sudden they open a restaurant, we were like, this stuff is fucked. When they opened, because we've always had Polynesian Chinese food, right? You told me that in Boston, it was Polynesian. Then all of a sudden they opened up a real Chinese, we're like, what the fuck is this shit?

You know what I mean? What's General T's chicken? But yeah, you're absolutely right. We were definitely, like I don't care. I just think that people who, like, Muslim people are into their religion, into having family, and that's their life. They are not into fame, they are not into

all this other bullshit, just not. I'm not saying, I'm saying every group of people, I mean, Spanish people, the same thing, man. Hardest working people around. Catholics. Catholics, yeah, they're Catholics, I think they're Christians too, right? Catholic, yeah. No, but Spanish people are Catholic?

Yeah, Catholics are Christian, yeah. Yeah. Hispanics are one of the biggest populations. Italians aren't banging anymore. We have one kid each. Yeah populations. Italians aren't banging anymore. We have one kid each. Yeah. Maybe Irish aren't banging. Irish used to really hold them down.

10, 11 kids. That chick's vagina, the moms would always die young because they had all these kids. Yeah. Yeah, they had no blood in their body. Well, people want to live, enjoy their life a little bit finally. I know, but I don't think we were supposed to.

We're not supposed to enjoy ourselves. That's why everyone's depressed, is because they're not miserable more. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta be miserable. Yeah, it's kind of ironic. You have nothing to be grateful for. Yeah, you gotta be more miserable.

Right. And more, your life's gotta be harder. And we also shouldn't see other people's success. Yes. You should, very rarely you should see it. No. You should see, you know, you shouldn't see the person's success. Very rarely you should see it. No. You shouldn't see the person that's in your same bracket be better than you. Right.

All the time. Right? Right. Yeah. That makes me sick. Anyways, we need a crusade. We need a crusade. We need religion back.

We need people to believe in, have a moral compass again. And then we start the crusades. That's when... Don't do that. I'm autistic. No, no, don't do that. It's autism. Don't do that.

I'm padded. Just autism. Listen, dude. God bless. God bless Trump. Dude, I'm autistic. God bless that fucking guy. I don't understand what's happening with these people.

Anyways, listen, again, you got a new special on YouTube. Yeah Property owner, I can't wait to watch it. Thank you to me. I don't like comics watching it Yeah, but to me you you're one of my You're one of my favorite comedians because always you come at you come at something you always come at stuff at a different angle and you're always trying to make people, you are a smart dude. You're a smart guy, but you're hilarious and you're silly, which is my favorite thing.

I think Louis is the same thing. Louis is silly, yeah. He's smart, but he's silly. I like that, you know what I'm saying? There's comics that are smart, and it's annoying to watch, because they're letting you know it. It's like, all right, go fuck yourself.

Using words and then throwing stuff. Anywho, shut up. Stop trying to just be cool and silly. It's not silly, you're just forcing it. But then you got History of Hyteneas, one of the top podcasts out there with your boy Chrissy D. It's good to see you guys back at it.

Thank you. Yeah, thanks Bob. And it's good to hang with guys back at it. Thank you. Yeah, thanks Bob. And it's good to hang with ya. I know that you live 10 minutes from my house. I know, we gotta, this summer we're gonna do, but you always go to New Hampshire. I know, it's tough, but I'm around Mondays and Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

Yeah, your schedule's thick. It's thick. You have a thick schedule. It's a thick one, yeah. It's thick. Yeah. But I'm grateful for it. When do you have free time? I do, but, I stopped waking up going I trying to let's pose it. Oh, I got a lot of shit to do today

I mean, I'm sitting like wait a minute. I should be grateful. Yeah, I should be fun, dude. I'm in the game I'm fucking I got these young fucks the next generation. I got the other generation underneath me I got the generation that was with me. I got the generation that was in front of me. I'm still hanging with all these guys and having fun and doing my shit, so I'm trying not to be like, I got so much shit to do, instead of being like, ah, this is cool, I gotta do that. I get to work.

You're busy, you got work. I got work, but I get to work with fucking, you know, Jay, you, Dan, Joe, Lewis. I mean, that's epic. Yeah, Verzy, don't forget, Louis. I mean, that's epic. Yeah, Verzy, don't forget Verzy. I can't forget Verzy. Well, I reminded you. You did.

Yeah, what the fuck did? I gotta meet Verzy tomorrow morning. It's 10 o'clock, we gotta do a fucking episode. Who am I forgetting? Verzy, Jay, Louis, Louis, who else? I love doing the show with Verz. I love that. I love you guys together.

It's a easy. I tell my wife all the time, it's just, we just go in and we talk. I let Verz talk. Well, you guys got good chemistry. We got good chemistry. Yeah. I love listening to you guys Let's see in the clips and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, I always loved that. He's the best. I can't believe I forgot him

Anyways, listen guys. We're gonna end the podcast now Make sure you check out a special and check out my dates punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly punch up dot live slash Yannis Pappas I'm gonna be and he's gonna be in Tampa, he's gonna be in Rochester. Where you going, dude? I don't know what you're doing right now. You're freaking me out. All right, there we go. Is that me?

Yeah, that's you. Okay, that's me. Portland, Maine. I'm gonna look at it. I'm gonna be in Portland, Maine. That's it, this summer. Next three months. And then go to PunchUp.live,

check out all my other dates. Rochester, Tampa, all that stuff. And make sure you go to Yannis' dates. And guys, what do you got? Follow me on Instagram at DannyBrath and come to Comedy of Veritas. Check out all my other dates Rochester Tampa all that stuff and make sure you go to Yannis's dates and guys. What do you got? Follow me on Instagram at Danny breath and come to comedy of verve in Somerville, New Jersey the third Thursday of every month Have you done that show? I love doing his shows. We got some more coming up. We're gonna get some I want you back, dude Yeah, did I do that one? Um that one's small for you, but I'd have you

Why the fuck did I do it well because I didn't ask you for a long time but you wanted to do the pizza you wanted the pizza nearby I have a fat fuck that's right but I'll have you back at the bigger shows or I would have you do that one too if you wanted to but I will do I will do any and all of them I've enjoyed we did one outside once you remember that during COVID where was that we did two we did one in Bridgewater outside and then one at Lone Eagle Brewing in Flemington where the sound system fucked up and I felt very bad. Yeah. Great kid. I love him. He's a great kid but he's probably he's not getting me any fucking dates. Well,

no this is over years. Yeah. This was recent. I've known him for years. Yeah. I mean. Where the fuck are my shows with you? Why don't you? You've done more than Yannis. Okay, thanks. Anyways, that's all I want. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway.

Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway.

Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway.

Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. and pair it with things and ask how cheesy our guests are. I like it, it's like hot wings with cheese. And it's in Bay Ridge. Fuck you, you live in a ridge? Oh yeah. I like that. Yeah. He's basically asking you to do it.

I'll fucking do it. He's a good kid. I'll fucking do it. Which one, Danny or Joe? Both of them. Yeah, okay good. And I don't even know if they're kids, how old are they? They're 42.

Yeah, sorry if I called you kiddin Their bodies are older than their their souls. Oh, yeah, that's for sure. All right, and Zach's not here, right? He just got here You follow me on Instagram and Zachary unlimited, thank you very much. I mean, you don't deserve a plug You just got here you piece of shit. I love that we can't see them like 15 minutes ago. Yeah. All right. There you go All right, we're going to patreon right now patreon.com Slash Robert Kelly. We got questions from the fans. We're gonna do a little bop over there So if you love the show do me a favor all I need you to do hit like subscribe comment That's how this stuff gets in the rhythm I appreciate you guys watching

Make sure you check out a special and make sure you go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly if you want to ask questions to the guests, if you want to get an extra episode every week and get this episode first before anybody else. We'll see you guys next week on You Know What, Dude?